#because i didn't realize that was a thing my parents could logistically do

[violexides]

apologies if this is a weird thing to say but now that i rbed that poll i’m reflecting on it and my house was like... not even a sex negative household explicitly but just one where we almost never talk about sex being a thing that exists ever aside from medical information (family members work in med field) etc. so while i don’t actually still believe in the idea that my mom just spontaneously became pregnant “whenever God told her to be” i don’t think it ever occurred to me that it wasn’t just my parents having a meeting with one another and going it’s time for a child. and then like meticulously planning out how that goes 

[s-wave-entertainment]

*BAM*

THAT WAS THE SOUND OF ME BUSTING THE DOOR DOWN. HI. Okay so first thing's first, I recently saw an animatic (??) by @/armintist on Instagram about N's perception of Tessa as of ep. 6 and it has broken the dam. Your honor I think about what must have been going through his head at that given moment So Often; some may say too often (I know my roommate definitely would, sorry Anna-). Y'all, he literally just remembered her existence and because we have no canon timeline as to how long was between eps. 5&6, I'm going to assume it was no LESS than two hours, IF EVEN. Doll could have gone straight to "Tessa" from Uzi's house, we'll never know. But like... what in the fuck was going on in his brain? This person, who he KNOWS that he knows, that he has vague, barely comprehensible memories of from a time far back into his past that he only just got back, is suddenly standing right in front of him again. And he hesitates, because OF COURSE HE DID. It looks like her (or does it? He doesn't remember his face, he never even truly saw it), it sounds like her, it feels like her... but how long has it been? And why here, why now?

Honestly, "Cyn's" pretty smart. She knew he would be willing to go along with what he told her because he's never really pressed into his memories before. He's relieved the tidbits of them, sure, but he tends to acknowledge them and move on. She knew all she had to do was act right and he would probably trust her. But what she didn't account for was him finding a love worth fighting for, and that's where her ultimate fucky-wucky was. But I'm not here to talk about "Cyn's" strategy, I'm here to talk about our beloved traumatized murder robot puppy.

What do you think happened when it hit him that that skin over Cyn's body wasn't of it's own creation? That his friend was technically still alive, if you count her preserved remains being thrown over a robot body like some sick and twisted reverse fursuit. And it can't be said that that didn't happen, because it definitely did. N's little episode in the hallway while "Cyn" hunted them down showed us that he is in fact recovering his memories. Slowly, and at very unfortunate times, but he is. And I can almost guarantee you that at some point, in some way, he must have recovered the full memory of the gala massacre. And oh me oh my, that must have been a long, hard day for him. Thank God he has Uzi now-

That aside, he must eventually realize what happened. And as he remembers more and more good times with her, his little heart probably just shattered more and more. Along with all of the other BULLSHIT he must be remembering following ep. 8.

AND ANOTHER THING ON THAT NOTE. I have so so so many emotions about N and how good he is and how,,,, Genuinely Good his heart is. Like actually. Y'all, need I remind the court that he was supposed to KILL Uzi. He had her PINNED TO THE WALL with a wing, but after watching her father turn around and ABANDON HER, he stopped. And sure, it can be reasonably said that this is because he spent some time with Uzi beforehand, but how long would they have had together, logistically? Ten minutes, maybe twenty, tops?? The fact that that was enough for him to COMPLETELY CHANGE SIDES and want to help her instead (which is also attributed to the conversation they had in the cockpit but again, TEN MINUTES)... listen, Uzi had no one before she found N, but N had no one either. J openly abused him, and V had to act like she hated him to protect him. N was lonely, just like Uzi. Somehow, someone found him who was kind to him and seemed to actually care. She was a little edgy, but she talked to him and she listened. It was more than he had at the base - and the same was true for Uzi. But again, I could talk about how much I love NUZI for hours, right now I want to talk about how good N's heart is. He was a worker, once. A worker who did everything he could to be... useful, to Tessa's parents, but a good friend to Tessa. And he loved his friends. He has,,, so much love in his heart. He always has. And he gives it so readily, and it can hurt him, but he like - he gets better about it, I believe. He can guard himself better these days, but he just. He still cares. And he cares so much and he just. GOD. GOD I LOVE HIM AND I FEEL SO TERRIBLE FOR WHAT HE'S BEEN THROUGH. FUCKING HELL-

[twig-tea]

The La Pluie finale had everything:

The Perfect Confession

Ok listen I am not one for nonconsensual public confession but know your audience, Tien is a perpetually invisible middle child who is not afraid of public attention and he is a film major, Lomfon making him a film to illustrate his feelings got me emotional, and him then also saying them out loud!! Because my boy learns from his own and others' mistakes, yesssss.

The Perfect Apology

I was so ready for Tai to suffer from the bed of his own making this episode, and I was not sure four days of searching was going to be enough. But that apology was PERFECT. He apologized first, he explained exactly what he did wrong, and he fixed it by saying his feelings aloud, finally! I was braced for the show to let him get away with not saying it, but he did. AND the show did us one better by giving us the explanation that he was parroting his parents' bullshit, which is such a real thing and it is difficult to catch yourself doing it, so the fact that he recognized it displayed his growth before the apology too. Just, all around this was so perfectly constructed and I was so pleased. Hell yes.

Surprise Sapphics

Listen, I am always here for more women loving women. Always. And LBR it's only a surprise that we actually got Dream and Nara confirmed because I know many of us were already shipping them.

Confirmation of Other Side Pairs

IDK if anyone else was rooting for the other vet techs than me, but they shared coffee so they're married in my head now I don't make the rules.

Best Brothers Being Best

Honestly Tien could have just said "unfuck it" to Tai again in that phone call and it would have rolled up to the same thing lol I really do love how their relationship was rock solid through this entire show, even when romance was potentially a threat. They have such a good sibling dynamic, one of the best I've seen in any show, and it makes me happy whenever Tien and Tai interact.

It also had a few things that I didn't love:

Awkward Logistics

This is maybe not a big deal because Tai is a writer but he works in a job that requires him to be in the office at least occasionally and Patts just started setting up a new vet clinic in Chiang Mai. Is Tai going to leave his friends and family to work remotely and live in Chiang Mai with Patts? Are they going to have to work out their relationship anew long distance? This is going to suck a little bit, and the adult in me could not help but notice and have it damper my joy. That being said, it was something Patts said he was thinking about for awhile so maybe it's something that would have come up anyway in future.

Patts Now Believes in Soulmates

Honestly, this was the biggest damper for me and I wish they hadn't included it (but maybe they had to for the sequel, IDK). Patts originally was willing to try with Nara because he didn't think the soulmate thing could dictate his emotions and he loved her, but she would not believe him. He also was willing to try with Tai before realizing that they were soulmates. And he told Tai that he would have wanted to try a relationship with him whether or not they were soulmates. So why now are we told that he suddenly thinks he can only love his soulmate for the rest of his life? This is not just anti-narrative, but anti-Patts' previous statements. I get that he was hurting and predisposed to be melodramatic in that moment, but it was a weird statement to include.

Bow's Throwaway Het Happy Ending

Not to be heterophobic but where is her cute Northern girlie who Tumblr convinced me she was dating? Bow deserves better imho

Tien's Turn for Drama

I KNEW this was going to happen! They spent too much time making it a big deal that Tai was the only sibling with hearing loss during rain. I just want my best boy to be happy for five minutes! Considering these characters, and what Tien's already said about what he would do if given this choice, I could see this plot being interesting. Especially because Tien had to suffer, now it's Lomfon's turn, maybe. But still, just let me have this cuteness for a little longer, show!

But all of that is relatively minor and honestly what we got was so good I can forgive and forget all of it.

TL; DR La Pluie stuck the landing and I could not be more pleased!

[oakantony]

hey emanthony I love your hxh fics some much I have a random question that you can totally ignore if you dont feel like answering 😄 I've noticed that killua is usually away in your fics like in your last fic he was on a boarding school and in your other fics he is just mentioned but doesnt have a major role except for the sharpest knife though he was still more like plot device there imo, do you try to avoid writing him because he is arguably the most popular hxh character and you prefer not to deal with the unnecessary fandom drama that writing a fic about him might cause? Which is totally fine if thats the reason, your fics are still amazing with killua involve but I was just curious.

I have MANY thoughts and I'm preemptively sorry for the wall of text that's about to happen. ily, though, here's the TLDR: it's honestly mostly logistical issues that have caused me to avoid inserting Killua into stories.

tbh if I didn't want fandom drama I wouldn't have written that opening for The Youngest Child. That shit was risky af. I still marvel that I haven't gotten e-flayed over it and sometimes I consider removing the story entirely because I have anxieties. (Obviously Chrollo and Kalluto's tryst at the beginning is not meant to be some hot aspirational kink-thing [you do you if you're into that]--the intention has always been to show how far Chrollo had fallen, socially, and how Kalluto has been placed in a dangerous position his entire life without parental figures to care for his well-being [enter: Gon, our knight in sun-shining armor.]) But we're not here to talk about that, so I'll stop lmao.

I've gotten a few questions about Killua throughout the years, ranging from people wondering if I hate him (I love him; I have him as a tattoo) or if I'm just not confident writing him (I'm not confident writing anything, ever), and really it's mostly just logistical. I actually would love to do a Killua-centric story one day, but I haven't had time (though I'm constantly trying to figure out how to write more and faster so I can write more fic. I legit have a pretty fleshed out story in my mind featuring Killua Zoldyck x Shouto Todoroki, which sounds WILD, and it is wild, but I also think I could make it work).

When I say logistical, it's like... We can use The Youngest Child as an example. Obviously Killua being absent is one of the main plot points, but if we pretend instead that his parents decided Kalluto was a better heir, the story doesn't change much... Except that I now have another big personality to contend with. Killua is, without exception, a main character. If he's there, he's going to be there, you know? He'd have to have a whole subplot of his own (which I'll touch on more in a second). The Youngest Child would likely be double in length. Maybe even triple, because I'd have to explain him and Gon's relationship from the onset, too. That would take my idea for a novella-length story and turn it into a full on novel. Which is fine, but as previously mentioned... Time. I can either knock out a story with Kalluto, Gon, the Troupe, Illumi, Hisoka, and the Zoldycks (that's already a wild list to write concisely) in ~20k words, or I can add Killua and watch it bloat up to like, 50k at the least.

There's also an element to writing Killua that I'm not sure a lot of people realize is actually a lengthy subject to cover, and that's his responsibility to his family. Even as a side character, there's so much to address. His story ends (both in the manga and in the anime) with him rescuing his sister, running away, and presumably keeping her safe from Zoldyck influence. But what about the other kids? Maybe we can write off Illumi; he's fully grown, and abused Killua deeply enough that Killua could dismiss him as a victim of their upbringing. But what about Milluki, who's openly derided and dismissed by their parents? What about Kalluto, a small costumed doll handed over to a genocidal gang? Is Kalluto not worthy of saving? We know Kalluto loves Killua; we never see Killua think of Kalluto at all. Does that mean Killua doesn't love his other brothers? Does that mean he doesn't think they suffer? Obviously Alluka needed rescued, that's not in question. But any canon-compliant fic that includes Killua has to answer this question (and many of them do not, and I don't blame them): does he care about his family at all?

(The answer, imho, is yes, but Killua is so afraid of his past and his parents and his role as heir that it paralyzes him similar to the ways we saw him paralyzed trying to fight for Gon in the Chimera Arc.)

That's why it's hard to include him in fics. That's honestly probably why Togashi hasn't included him in the manga in 11 years. There're so many loose ends. It's a nightmare to tie up neatly so that other characters and their stories can shine. I mentioned it before, but he's got some of the biggest main character energy of any fictional character ever made (this is a compliment). His capacity for love, violence, humor, poise, intelligence... He's really remarkable. He's going to outshine anyone if he gets involved. Illumi's whole arc in The Longest Job was learning some of the things that Killua's been capable of his whole life. If Killua was there, Illumi probably would have seen even more pathetic than he already was. Which maybe isn't a bad thing, lol.

Anyway. I should write a Killua fic one day. Lemme just finish...uh...man, idek. I have like 6 WIPs at the moment. I'm gonna go lay down.

[sharkiegorath]

rambling text post (suicide mention, in a past/recounting context) (sudden lore drop)

I’m 26 and I’ve had two friends who killed themselves. Completely unrelated. 7 years apart. We weren’t close, but they were important to me. They were named David and Dave. They were both talented artist-writer-poets who died on the 14th of an early month. They were passionate about theater and politics, and they had ostentatious middle names honoring historical figures.

I know suicide intimately, not because of my own depression, but because there's more empirical evidence for suicide's role in creating me than God's. I'm close to my grandma, who'd raised one of her younger brothers, a genius who ended up violently killing himself in his early 20’s. It’s still a big shameful open secret contributing to our family’s collective trauma. Then my grandpa (the same grandma’s husband) tried to kill himself when my mom was 9; that was one of the reasons why they migrated to Singapore. So suicide has changed the trajectory of my existence before I actually existed. 

I'm hypersensitive but the funny thing is, I tend to handle death pretty well, even sudden death. I don't mean 'well' in the sense of, like, Getting a Good Grade in Grieving. I mean the general enormity of loss doesn't stagger me and that's good because it lets me help the people grieving harder. I’ve lost friends, family, and pets. I was sad each time and mourned. Yet before Dave, the 'hardest' I'd ever grieved was over a pest rat caught in a cage, who was taken away by a freak meeting with an exterminator before my dad could release it in a jungle to get eaten by a snake. Make of that what you will. 

When David died in early 2016, I was in a long depressive-sometimes-manic-generally-overall-miserable episode. Most of our friends had just started college, and a lot of us had major mental health issues. I'd isolated myself but I think we felt the loss in an amplified way because of that shared struggle and anxiety. I learned about David's explicit political motivations through his dad's memorial blog. I wailed after a semi-uncomfortable outing because I clumsily brought it up, and a comparatively stable longtime friend said they wanted to "remember the good" about David. I felt that David would've wanted to be accepted for 'the bad'. I wasn't even 20 yet.

Right before Dave died last year, I was the happiest I’d been in a long time, and I'd been pretty stable for years. I was writing a lot. I was recording videos and teaching myself to edit. I was excited for the future and amassing unprecedented peace with the past. I’d just watched Our Flag and it rewired my brain chemistry, so I was getting these epiphanies like "you have experienced love and belonging (you were just too traumatized and self-loathing to realize)", "a big chunk of your life is ahead of you", "you aren't unknowable and unlovable"...and then suddenly someone who made me feel known and loved, whom I'd known and loved, was gone for reasons I'll never understand.

Of course it also reminded me of the guilt and trauma surrounding David. I mean, they had the same name. I used to visit Dave's blog and think "haha that's funny, I knew a similar David! Good thing this one is alive!!" and maybe I'd think something about Goliath. I don't know.

I didn't process Dave's death properly because my family had emergency roof repairs on the day I found out. I had to ''staycation'' with my highly anxious, unwell mother and our highly anxious dogs, requiring a lot of movement and logistics. It rained the whole week. I had my period, which is near-debilitating. My parents were really kind about the situation, I love my dogs, but there was nothing we could do. My mom has a (consensually taken) video of a concerned Bonbon circling me 30+ times while I cried on a swivel chair. I tried to write to meet deadlines and all of my stories became about death or loss and they were bad but not interestingly terrible.

I've waited this long in the post to mention I've had past suicide ideation and periods where I just didn't want to live. It hasn’t been a Problem since I was 18. (A whole 8 years ago!) I get better every year. I'm firmly in a place where I know I want to stick around. I don't just 'not want to die', I want to live; I would be pissed if I couldn't. Still. I’m surprised at how hard it is to find suicide bereavement resources for people who are also suicidal. Weird, right? Nobody talks about the shell-shocked survivor’s guilt. Nobody talks about the multifaceted jealousy. Nobody talks about the part where, if people around us are mirrors, what can you conclude when a mirror somehow smashes itself? 

David and Dave were both always nice to me. I mean it when I say they made me feel loved and seen, in a special way I've rarely felt. I only knew them a little yet what little I had meant so much. But David was demanding and hypercritical of his loved ones. Dave got into a lot of internet fights and discourse, some justified or funny, some uncomfortable or imo wrong. All humans are complex but they categorically weren’t just ‘sweet kids’. They didn't get to mature or learn. I know for a fact that I would've disappointed them if we'd been closer; maybe I already did. The reality isn’t always this complicated, right? Maybe? I assume? I honestly don’t know what a ‘typical’ suicide is like, because I haven’t personally known a suicide victim who wasn’t a confrontational Marxist with very strong opinions about theater. And I'd prefer not to know a variety. Jesus.

Eventually, I told my therapist about David and Dave. I said it was hard knowing that friends with my intensity of emotion had killed themselves. She said I was different from them because I'm a girl (lmao) and because I'm "not angry". I accepted it at the time, since fighting isn't a crucial part of my personality, but I got angry after thinking about it. Because I'm not so different when it counts; because I'm the kind of person who'd grieve a friend's suicide by complaining it was wasteful, ill-timed, and/or politically incoherent. I hope they would've appreciated being challenged. It's the best I can do for them now.

David hated Singapore and reportedly viewed America as a better option; he wanted to live in New York City. Dave lived in New York and viewed America as the ultimate evil. They would've deeply understood each other in many regards, but also gotten into a fistfight about Western imperialism. I'm the only person connecting them. What do I do with that? It feels like eldritch knowledge. Because of my upbringing and brain, it’s cognitively impossible for me to say it’s just a freak coincidence. I feel like I'm one of Job's sole surviving servants. I think there was A Reason, but that Reason is recursive; it’s just so I would know. 

Two years ago, that Marvel TV quote kept getting passed around. "What is grief but love persevering?" Oh, fuck that. What's that supposed to mean for me? I didn't feel intense grief for the family/friends/pets I've lost, even at the very moment, so I don't really love them? I feel intense grief for one random rat and friends I held at arms' length, so I must love them the most, even when I resent them or planned to let the rat die displaced in the wild anyway? I can never separate Dave and David from each other, or from me. I’m going to be dragging this around for the rest of my life. I live in a carcass.

[darkpoisonouslove]

Company of Light Narrative Choices

I'm having SO MANY thoughts about the Company of Light in my rewrite and I have to spill even if that comes with spoiling some major plot points for the entire thing. Now a lot of these thoughts stemmed from me watching this video on YouTube about femininity and the rest are extensions of those thoughts.

I'm not even sure if I'll ever manage to finish this rewrite and I certainly can't wait years to talk about the narrative decisions that I've made regarding the Company of Light. I need to talk about them here and now because I feel like they draw enough from the show to be relevant in the canon context as well. Plus, I just need to ramble because I've had zero energy and motivation to actually write but so many thoughts about the Company that refuse to leave me alone.

I'm going to start with some in-depth analysis of the Company at the time of this post I made describing the events immediately following Griffin's escape from the Coven. Now if there is a critical point for the Company of Light, it is this one. All of them are forced to confront realizations that are shaking their way of perceiving the world.

Marion and Oritel are facing two different things. One - that Hagen has just chosen Faragonda over them. And two - that the people they are fighting (from the Coven) are actually people. Now there is a distinction here because Marion is grappling more with the first while Oritel is grappling more with the second but they both struggle with either realization. I am going to break this down separately for the two of them, though, to really show what I mean:

My personal headcanon is that Oritel was a prince but he was the youngest out of five or six boys so his chances for the crown were practically non-existent. Most royals of other nations hardly even knew of his existence and his parents were extremely neglectful. He was friends with Hagen, though, who was the son of the royal blacksmith. Hagen chose to leave his birth kingdom and go work for the Domino royal family. He felt that Marion earned his loyalty in a way that Oritel's parents couldn't even dream of doing but he and Oritel were best friends so he hated leaving him behind. He was thrilled when Oritel and Marion finally noticed that they actually have a lot in common and fell in love. With the two of them being together he didn't have to be torn in the choice between one or the other.

The reason why I'm bringing all of this up is because thanks to the logistics of the three of them coming to know each other, Marion has a slightly different understanding of Hagen than Oritel does. She only met Hagen once he was already more of a complete character and personality. He'd already figured himself out more or less and so she never really had to face a situation in which he put anything over his loyalty for her (and Oritel). But Oritel had known him since they were kids and he'd seen the messy process of Hagen becoming the devoted friend that he is. He knows that Hagen isn't as selfless as Marion's been convinced he is. So for him it is less of a shock to face the fact that Hagen chose something else over him. Hagen did choose Marion over him at first. But for Marion that's a hard truth to accept because Hagen is pretty much the only person outside of Oritel and Daphne that she's ever fully trusted. And coupled with Faragonda's most untrustworthy behavior plus the mystery around Griffin's defection from the Coven that makes her uneasy and suspicious, Hagen's shaken loyalties hit her pretty hard. It's not that she's being selfish. It's just that the timing is awful for her to be discovering that she can't count on Hagen as much as she thought she could. With time she figures that's really a good thing because Hagen deserves to have his own goals that aren't related to her and Oritel. After all, she herself chose Oritel over staying behind with the rest of the Company and even over the possibility of her daughters still being alive. It makes her think about how much of herself she actually devotes to people outside of her responsibilities as queen. She's not the most trusting person and she knows what it's like to take care of others 24/7. She's grateful to Hagen for all the time he's devoted to her and Oritel but she also wants him to have a life of his own. Especially after she learns that he spent all those years she and Oritel were missing searching for them. She also ends up reevaluating her own ability to strike a balance between keeping up with her responsibilities and taking care of her own happiness.

Marion isn't having that much trouble with accepting the idea that everyone in the Coven isn't just evil for the sake of being evil. She didn't really think that. Her struggle with Griffin's sudden change of heart is how unmotivated it seems. It makes her suspicious of it being a trap and she has the full right to that considering they are in the middle of a literal war. Out of everyone in the Coven, she never expected Griffin would be the one defecting and expressing willingness to join the Company but she's been around Faragonda enough to know that there must be a good side to Griffin for Faragonda to defend her so passionately after she's removed herself so fully from her own blood relatives (as explained in this post, the points in which will come up later). But something that Griffin forces her to confront is also the possibility of Valtor being human... which given the circumstances around his creation isn't something that Marion had considered. If there is anyone in the Coven besides the Ancestral Witches that she doesn't look on as human, that is Valtor. She hates his existence because he has the corrupted version of the Dragon Fire that was a power supposed to be just her family's. His existence haunts her a lot more than the existence of the Shadow Phoenix and the Shadow Fire because those were a natural opposite of the Great Dragon and the Dragon Fire and are keeping the balance of the universe. The universe was perfectly balanced before Valtor's existence, however, and didn't need him. In fact, his creation sent a shock wave throughout the Magic Dimension that led to the destruction of life on all other planets of Earth's solar system. So later on (once she's accepted Griffin as a member of the Company) she has a hard time facing the truths about Valtor that Griffin is bringing up. (Which is appropriate considering that Marion is also making Griffin face some realizations about her relationship with Valtor that she was trying to avoid but more on that here (under the cut; yes, those were things that Griffin did realize with time and it was because of Marion and her interactions with Valtor).)

P.S. (for this point only) It is very funny for Marion when season 7 rolls around and it turns out the Dragon Fire had never been supposed to exist either. And Valtor is there to watch her crash and burn from the realization after a thousand years of being told by her family that he is unnatural.

I already made it clear why Oritel isn't struggling so much with the Hagen issue. The timing is unfortunate, yes, and it hurts that by taking Faragonda's side, it feels like Hagen is taking Griffin's side but he trusts Hagen and his sense of right and wrong. Which brings me to the second point about Oritel. Now to differ from Marion, he has little to no empathy or understanding of any of the Coven members. He grew up being forced to be this paragon of virtue because his existence was only remembered when he did something that reflected badly on his family and his entire nation. In fact, that is something that he does have in common with Griffin (whose every misstep is used as an argument why her entire kind (of dark magic users) is evil) but it takes him a long while and a direct confrontation with her (post her joining the Company) for him to see it because his coping mechanism with the impossible standards of perfection thrust upon him was to distance himself from everything that would be considered bad. He's developed a sense of morality that puts abstract concepts over real people and their stories and feelings (as evidenced in Magical Adventure) and he doesn't believe that anyone who would be associated with the Coven in any capacity can be anything but rotten to the core. Having to shelter a magical terrorist like Griffin in his very home isn't just stepping on his toes. It's basically plowing right through him and everything he stands for. Griffin's presence giving results forces him to rethink his entire philosophy on life and the way the world functions. Not quite to a degree where he's often giving people the benefit of the doubt but enough for him to be able to bear the thought of Bloom choosing to be with Icy rather than with Sky in season 7 (and to be able to look past Marion and Daphne's less than graceful moments so that he can avoid becoming the embodiment of the unforgiving scrutiny that started this entire cycle for him).

Hagen has to face how blatantly Faragonda stated who takes priority for her. Even after Griffin attacked her, Faragonda's doing everything in her power to protect Griffin from everyone else and from Griffin herself. It makes him question his own decision of putting his feelings for Faragonda over his dedication to Marion and Oritel who have been his friends during the majority of his life. From that point of view, he can't blame Faragonda for putting her friendship with Griffin over whatever connection she's built with him. Especially after he learned the full story of their friendship and can now understand what Griffin means to Faragonda. It makes him reconsider his own willingness to put something else over Marion and Oritel who certainly have more meaning in his life than Faragonda does. The moment is terrible for relationship development. With the constant threat to their lives hanging over their heads, it's hard to tell whether the feelings between him and Faragonda are real or if they're both looking for a distraction. And it becomes obvious that whatever he does, he cannot distract her from helping Griffin. So that seems like a sign that he shouldn't allow himself to get distracted from having Marion and Oritel's backs. They count on him and his own life as well as Faragonda's depend on winning the war. Maybe once that is done, they can finally figure out whether their relationship has any future without the constant threat of dying alone and miserable influencing their judgment. However, despite their victory, Marion and Oritel are lost and he cannot bear the thought of moving on without them. And if he stays with Faragonda or allows her to go with him, he will only end up distracting her from finding her happiness. It doesn't feel right so he leaves on his own even though he knows he's breaking her heart. He can't forgive himself for putting her over Marion and Oritel now that they're gone and he doesn't want to make her miserable when she inevitably picks up on that if he sticks around. Finding Marion and Oritel ends up mixed with some unpleasantness when it turns out that Marion herself chose to share Oritel's fate even though she didn't have to. She essentially picked him over staying behind with the surviving people who loved her and while he understands her choice, it starts dawning on him that the reason why he kept going back and forth on his choice between Faragonda or Marion and Oritel, was because he had already put his life on hold since the beginning of the war. He was a blacksmith, not a warrior. He never wanted to be a warrior. But he became what his friends needed him to be. And in doing so, he chose them over himself, which led to constant sense of something missing and for the longest time he thought it was another person/people but it was a sense of self-fulfillment. That's why he doesn't remain back on Domino once it's restored but opens the blacksmiths college in season 6.

Faragonda's having a hard time facing the deterioration of her friendship with Griffin. She thought that getting Griffin away from the Coven would be the end of that story. Once Griffin realized its terrible influence on her, she'd almost magically come to accept everything Faragonda has and will do. However, Griffin was barely hanging on by a thread instead and her mother's death as well as Faragonda's dishonesty about that didn't help matters. Faragonda never expected that Griffin would fall into a depression and would have such disregard for her own life. The situation is only made worse by the fact that Faragonda doesn't have the full context both because her memories of the sacrifice Griffin had to make were erased and because she herself keeps refusing to accept how important Valtor is to Griffin. But she's quickly becoming disillusioned now that she had to lie to Griffin just to keep her alive and that's ended up creating an even bigger rift between them. Griffin refuses to let her close again and that means that Faragonda can't help her get over her grief and pain no matter how much she wants to.

Faragonda is extremely worried because she knows that along with Griffin's parents, she was the one who could offer support and bring happiness into Griffin's life. She hated the fact that she also had to share the role with Valtor and was even somewhat overshadowed by him because of her working with the Company and Griffin being in love with him. She never fully realized how much he means to Griffin or the things that the two of them shared and she couldn't have predicted how hard the breakup would hit Griffin. Coupled with Emalyn's death and Faragonda's own lie about it, it leaves Griffin with no support system and Faragonda wants so badly to be allowed to bring her some relief if nothing else but Griffin has made her stance clear. She not only doesn't want Faragonda to be the person who makes her smile and feel better; she no longer believes that Faragonda could be that person. It hurts in the context of Griffin finally seeing that Valtor isn't good for her but still clinging to what she had with him. Even Valtor's threats haven't erased what happened between them or at the very least Griffin's feelings despite everything Valtor's already put her through which hits hard because Griffin has forsaken Faragonda after all they've been through together.

It forces Faragonda to acknowledge the change in herself and how that's affected her friendship with Griffin. She only did the things that she wouldn't have been able not to do but it seems to have destroyed her bond with Griffin. And even so, she's perfectly aware that she'd still ignore everyone else for Griffin. It's again something that she has to do, for herself, because Griffin is important to her. She's the only reason Faragonda ever had a home. That forces her to look into the complex situation that's created with the other members of the Company of Light, however, and especially Hagen. She'd made a commitment to the cause and to protecting Griffin, but not to the people of the Company. And now they know it, too, so she needs to sort all of that out for herself and it feels like she has to make a final decision on being a fairy or a witch, like she can't play it both ways anymore. Her clinging so hard to Griffin and what they had when she used to be a witch is what might have cost her Griffin's friendship forever. If she keeps it up, she might lose any potential relationships with the other members of the Company. And actually losing Marion, Oritel and Hagen at the end of the war - after she'd allowed herself to include them in her sense of home as well - was a big hit on her that left her believing that even though Griffin has allowed her to be her friend again and brighten her life, she can't do it anymore. Not with all of the pain that's broken her which only seems confirmed when they get into a fight about the Trix and once she finally starts gaining confidence in her own healing and recovery and her ability to give Griffin what she deserves, Valtor pops back up to shake all of that all over again.

Griffin has to face the fact that she's out of options and everything she does only makes things worse. She wanted a better world for dark magic users and Valtor promised her a way of making it happen. She could finally be the change she wanted to see in the world and maybe then she could also have back Faragonda. She was her light and Griffin loved her for it. It was proof that not all witches are evil even when Griffin's own actions seemed to perpetuate that belief. But after Faragonda became a fairy, the two of them became living proof that fairies are the good guys and witches are the bad ones. Being with Valtor made her feel good about being the "light" half of a duo for once and Valtor didn't mind either since she was working on helping free him from the control of the Ancestral Witches. But the murder of CT's headmistress started putting things in perspective for Griffin. What they had worked for them but they were bringing only violence to the world and any change they caused was negative. She only looked like "light" next to Valtor because she was the lesser evil. Any care she had for him and dark magic users only resulted in death and destruction. Still, she clung hard to him because she didn't want violence to be all that their love amounted to. If she could free him from the control of the Ancestral Witches, things would be different. When she learned she was pregnant, though, she left. Both to protect the baby from the Ancestral Witches and because she wanted to choose nurturing over violence even if she couldn't keep the baby. It was yet another proof that there wasn't a single good thing that came out of her relationship with Valtor that wasn't also accompanied by something bad. Without him she never would have become a mother (she hadn't even thought it a possibility) but because of him and both their crimes, she didn't get to be a mother because she had to give the baby away.

Valtor was the first one to show her she had the power to nurture (or at least the first one to make her realize it because she never grasped the positive effect she had on Faragonda when she just did her own thing even with the whole world against her) but it wouldn't have been enough after all the ruination they'd brought. She was hoping Faragonda could give her a chance to prove to herself that she can do more than ruin by helping her integrate in the Company but Faragonda did to her the exact same thing Valtor did to her. She manipulated her because it was convenient for her. Both she and Valtor put what they wanted above what Griffin wanted and it was hard for her to deal with that after she trusted Faragonda with Darcy's life. Faragonda's selfish act speaks of the nature of her offer to help - she didn't do it because she believed that Griffin could do good but out of self-interest. If there's no difference between Faragonda and Valtor, Griffin might as well have stayed with Valtor. It felt like she threw away her ambitions and her love for nothing and made her want to return the favor and destroy her bond with Faragonda. It's just more violence and she's proving that they're all right to not believe that she can be anything other than an engine of destruction and Griffin hated it.

Things only shifted when she heard Marion yelling at Faragonda because she had the chance to take down Valtor but she didn't. And Griffin wasn't even there to witness it so Faragonda had zero reason to spare him but she did because if Griffin wouldn't allow her to make her happy anymore, she might at least not make her any more miserable. Valtor would have killed Faragonda just to claim Griffin's full attention even if there was no war and they weren't enemies. It starts restoring Griffin's faith in Faragonda and that restores her faith in herself. However, she also refuses to let go of her past with Valtor. The love in her heart is the last surviving good thing from their relationship and she won't let it go. Especially when it becomes clearer every day that she won't be able to finish her work on freeing him and they'll remain on opposite sides and when the end of the fighting comes, one of them will lose. She's ready to sacrifice her life to make sure the other Company members will make it but she fully intends to fight for her own survival as well. She wants to continue the life they gave her and try a nurturing approach when it comes to changing the way dark magic users are treated. The destruction of Domino devastates her but she still chooses to be headmistress of CT and look after young witches. So Faragonda advocating for her to choose distrust and suspicion when it comes to the Trix pushes all her buttons and forces her into the old patterns of spite and aggression as she severs her bond with Faragonda again. And just when they've overcome it and are about to nurture their own happiness, Valtor shows up and forces her into violence again if she wants to protect her students and the few friends she didn't lose that day on Domino. She only pulls herself out of those behavioral patterns after he puts her up against Darcy because Darcy was the one thing that made her choose nurturing as her method of changing the world even if she never truly got to be her mother. (It is really unfortunate when she has to fight some of the Company members over Darcy and later when she has to face consequences for taking away Valtor's right to even know about their daughter's existence.)

Saladin has to deal with the disharmony amongst the Company that was brought to light. He joined them to help bring peace so that no more people have to live in fear and lose their lives to war. The Company is super unstable at the moment, however, and they can't solve their own problems, let alone anyone else's. It leaves him with the dilemma of sticking with the Company with their chances of success being debatable at best or leaving them to their own devices while he pursues a career at RF and helps protect the Magic Dimension from there. If the Company fails, they'll need another line of defense and RF could be that. And even if the Ancestral Witches are defeated, that's not a guarantee that all other battles will stop. In fact, there's always a new villain threatening the Magic Dimension so furthering his career at RF seems like the logical choice. However, the Specialists are very restricted by having to do everything by the book thanks to close scrutiny by the Council. And thanks to most rulers' lack of awareness of the Coven's existence, the Specialists are rarely employed in battle when it counts. The Company certainly provides him with more direct opportunities to help ensure the continued existence of the Magic Dimension and the safety of its people. Splitting time between his duties at RF and the Company is exhausting but seems like the ultimate solution until the final battle comes and they lose even though he manages to make it to Domino. It makes him blame himself for the fall of Domino and the disappearance of Marion and Oritel. If he'd been there during the earlier battles that he'd missed, things could have been different. That mindset is only shattered once the events of the show start happening. RF does get destroyed in the fight with the Army of Decay but through teamwork of the Specialists with the fairies and witches, they managed to save not only Alfea and CT, but also the rest of the Magic Dimension. Later in the battles against the Ancestral Witches and Tritannus the Specialists also prove their worth indicating that he was correct in betting some of his chips on preparation for the future instead of throwing his everything into the fight in the present moment. Things could have been different, but that does not necessarily mean better as he comes to learn in season 7.

They do overcome their differences and learn to work together only for that to become their downfall. What I mean by that is that by the time of the final battle, they are all operating with the same mindset - win the battle and protect the others at all costs. Including their own death. However, with all of them being self-sacrificial in the name of letting the other team members live, they all end up working against the others' efforts to keep them alive. Each Company member's efforts to keep the others alive is undermined by the others' self-sacrificial act. It might look like they're all on the same page but they are so selfless that they all end up working against each other when they put all their care into protecting their friends and spare none on themselves. It leads to them losing what is most important to them even if they do win the war.

[dandelion-wings]

Jean. 16, 17, 21, 28, 30.

16. A childhood headcanon

I imagine that Jean sang a lot as a child! Mondstadt is the city of song and in the freer younger years I imagine her having, she'd catch snatches of ballads and just sing them to herself while she was playing with Barbara or training or just going about. Barbara thought she was a great singer and was always asking Jean to sing for her, and then after she was parted for Barbara, she just... stopped singing, because there wasn't a little sister to clap and encourage her anymore.

(Barbara didn't sing before she got her Vision because she didn't think of herself as the singer of the family, and then when she realized she had a talent at it and it was linked to her healing, devoted herself to it as a way she could outmatch Jean... and then Jean went and got a healing Vision herself, so it was only the singing part, that Jean doesn't even seem to remember or acknowledge anymore, that was left.)

17. What do you think their first word was?

Despite popular Mondstadt myth, it wasn't "Mondstadt, as always." :P Though if it had been "mama" I think parental pride might have tried to turn it into an attempt at that... but, given what we know about the personalities of the respective parents, I strongly suspect it was "dada" instead.

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

Answered here! I don't have a good variant for this one, alas; I think Jean is someone who's good at finding satisfaction and value in her duties, but as far as actual happiness goes, it was probably during that childhood period.

28. The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

I feel like Jean does so much unnecessary stuff because she's been raised to be a perfectionist who physically cannot do less than 110% minimum. That said, I'm imagining that, like, right before Varka left on his expedition, she absolutely went through all his prep behind him and wrote up exhaustive documentation, two copies of each (one for him, one for her), and then handed him a, like, logistics plan and budget (since she was keeping both the logistics company and the quartermaster, apparently? miHoYo why did the logistics captain for an entire armed force stay behind when 4/5 of it went on the march, do you understand what logistics does) with a dozen different appendixes for various contingencies. And then gave copies to the captains going along because it seemed plausible Varka would lose it. This is unnecessary not because Varka couldn't use this (tbh given what we know of him he probably half-expected of her) but because I know in my heart, and she knew in hers, that he completely forgot about it three days out.

30. The funniest scene they had?

A lot of Jean's funny moments seem to happen offscreen, honestly? Grounding Kaeya and stuff like that.... On-screen, probably her Windblume exchange with Lisa about electrocuting people.

[ask-college-patrochilles]

Pat: It's... a long story.

The first thing Pat notices as he comes out of the shower are the voices coming from the kitchen. It isn't exactly strange considering he lived with Achilles and they'd invited Bri over for the night. He and Bri didn't hang out like they used to, with both students caught up in the senior year and post-graduation plans. It had been nice to catch up, to have Pat's two favorite people together with him at the same time.

But the second thing he realizes is how hushed they are. Achilles never mutters, always keen to shout what's on his mind, and Bri certainly doesn't whisper to Pat's boyfriend on the regular.

He knows it's wrong- they're both so important to him, he could just… walk out and ask what's up- but Pat can't help himself. Quickly, he dries off his hair and discards the towel as quietly as possible into the laundry room. There's a wall separating the hallway to his bedroom and the bathroom from the kitchen. Pat presses his back against it and strains to listen.

There's the sound of the coffee machine running, almost loud enough to drown out Bri's question. "I wanted to know how you and Pat are doing," she says, followed by the pouring of coffee into a cup.

Achilles snorts. "I would think you guys have already talked about that." Always defensive, even when he doesn't need to be. It makes Pat's chest ache.

"Yeah, but I want to hear it from you." One of the chairs scrapes against the floor, and Pat assumes Bri takes a seat. "You're your own person. You might see things differently."

Pat isn't sure why, but he holds his breath for his boyfriend's answer. Everything has been… mundane, really. Nothing special. Achilles is like an extension of Pat: they always know what the other is thinking, are always able to finish each other's sentences. More often than not they're together, Achilles leaning against him or holding his hand.

"We're good," Achilles finally replies. "Really good." Pat deflates in relief. "You'd think by now we'd be sick of each other or stepping on each other's toes, but…"

"But?" Bri prods.

"But I still always want to be by his side." Bri makes a sound, probably exasperated. "It's cheesy, yeah, but I've never felt this way about anyone before."

Pat closes his eyes with a small smile. Of course they felt the same- Achilles has his entire heart. He'd know if something was off because it would be like his own heart was breaking. There was nothing to worry about.

He's about to walk around the corner to greet them when Achilles continues. "There's just-" He pauses for a long moment. "Can you keep a secret?"

Silence.

"It's nothing bad," Achilles reassures Bri in a rush. "At least, I don't think so, but I don't really know what to think if I'm being honest. It's all so confusing and terrifying and I-"

"Slow down," Bri cuts in. "Tell me what's wrong and maybe I can help."

Achilles takes a deep breath, something Pat has had to drill into his head to do when he's overwhelmed. Hopefully, he's counting to ten in his head like Pat taught him too. They were still working on it. "I love Pat," Achilles starts again. "A lot."

"Okay."

"More than anything. More than… running or school or whatever. He's the most important person to me." The floor creaks, and Pat can only assume he's pacing around the kitchen. Achilles can never sit still when he's anxious. "I'd do anything for him. I'd… I'd eat a whole raw onion for him or fight off sharks. I'd cut off my leg- although I'd probably ask if we could amputate an arm instead since I still want to be a track star-"

"Achilles."

"Right."

Pat's heart races in his chest. He can't tell where this is going, and he hates not knowing what was on Achilles' mind. They're connected at the hip, so why can't he understand what's wrong?

"I guess I'm trying to say I don't think I could ever be with anyone else- actually, scratch that. I know I couldn't."

Bri's nails drum against the tabletop. Click, click, click. "This is all really sweet, but I don't know why you're telling me."

Achilles inhales loud enough for Pat to hear. "I want to be with him for the rest of my life."

A pause. "Okay."

"I want to marry him, Bri."

Pat's eyes widen, and he's surprised his knees don't give out underneath him.

He's always assumed he and Achilles would always be together. After all, they'd been inseparable from the moment they'd met. Even before they were partners, Pat felt whole with Achilles. Their relationship was one that was bound to last.

He just… never exactly thought about proposing or weddings or any of that. They lived together, didn't they? That was practically marriage to Pat. Splitting rent and divvying up chores wasn't for the weak of heart.

Marriage was big. Marriage meant they would spend the rest of their lives together. There'd be a certificate and everything to say they belonged only to each other. There would be anniversaries and a family and growing old together. Pat can't even fathom it- he couldn't even think about what the next week would be like! He lives his life from exam to exam, shift to shift at the hospital.

Bri seems to be on the same track as Pat. "You're both only in your twenties," she points out.

"I want to propose," Achilles says as if he doesn't hear her. "I know I do."

"Now? What about-"

"I already have a ring." Now Pat definitely wants to collapse. He covers his mouth with both hands so he doesn't gasp out loud. This was all happening very fast. The room seems to spin, and he leans his weight against the wall so he doesn't fall over.

"What?" Bri's chair scrapes against the floor. "How long have you had that?"

"A little while."

"Have you talked about any of this with Pat?" Pat could easily answer that question. His racing heart and clammy palms are as good an answer as any. He's sure Achilles shakes his head since Bri sighs loudly. "Don't you think that's sort of important? You don't just pop a proposal out of nowhere."

"You don't?" Achilles sounds genuinely confused. He probably got his entire idea of marriage from movies and television. His parents certainly didn't seem to be much help.

"You have to talk about the future first. Talk about what you both want." Achilles is quiet. He must be frustrated- he hates waiting, and he hates too much serious talk. Pat knows he prefers to wing it. After all, life seemed to go pretty smoothly for him without any prior planning. "If you guys are on the same page, then- and only then- maybe it's time."

Achilles grunts.

"You guys have all the time in the world," Bri reassures him gently. "Pat's not going anywhere. Trust me on that one."

"I don't want to lose him," Achilles says. It shatters Pat's heart to little pieces. How could he ever think Pat would leave him? They were in this for the long run no matter what. They'd grown together as individuals and as a couple, and Pat knew they still had so much more to learn.

It's what finally draws him from his corner. Pat scrunches his hair with his hands like he just came out of the shower as he walks to the kitchen. Bri sits across from Achilles at the table. As soon as she sees Pat, she kicks his boyfriend in the shin to alert him. Achilles turns, and Pat catches him stuffing something small into his pocket.

"There's coffee made if you want some," Bri says. So they didn't realize he'd been listening. Pat seems to be off the hook for now.

"Maybe later." Pat's too overwhelmed at the moment to be anywhere but with Achilles. He wraps an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders and slides into his lap. Achilles gives him a smile and starts to say good morning, but Pat is already kissing him sweetly.

Achilles doesn't kiss back at first. He's too surprised, probably since Pat is never really a functioning human being in the morning before his coffee. But it takes him no time to hold Pat's hips firmly in place and part his lips to welcome Pat's tongue inside. Pat licks into his mouth, tasting maple syrup and sugar and everything Achilles.

Pat loves him. He loves him with his entire being. If Achilles dropped on one knee right now, Pat knows he'd say yes despite any doubts or reservations he might have. Because they'd figure them out together no matter what.

Bri's groaning is what brings Pat back to reality. "Can I please just drink my coffee in peace?" she begs. "One morning where I'm not assaulted by you two? Please?"

Achilles scowls in response. "If you don't like it, don't come over."

"You invited me!"

"Then you should’ve turned down the invite!"

Bri and Achilles bicker about the logistics of sleepovers, but Pat couldn't be happier. He presses his forehead against Achilles' temple and smiles wide. His Achilles, forever.

[yardsards]

this has been in my head for the past couple weeks and sometimes screaming into the void on here helps in a way that journaling doesn't (and talking about it to people hasn't quite gotten it out of my system) sooo:

i cannot recall a single fucking fond memory with my mother

i cannot remember a single ounce of tenderness from her. i have no memories of feeling loved by her. i barely can recall the sparse instances where she willingly spent time with or played with me. maybe there were some things i forgot, but they were certainly minor and rare enough for them to not have stuck.

i know she didn't want us. she let it slip that she had considered aborting all three of us and had been talked out of it each time (aside from one time between my half-brother and sister). she tried to assure us that she was glad she had us, i think she even tried to convince herself of it, but it was obvious she didn't want any of us. even if i'd never learned of the abortion thing, i probably could've figured out on my own that she didn't want me just from her actions alone.

my dad was a capricious, egocentric, bigoted, angry manchild and absolutely abused me about as much as my mother did (although their abuses did manifest slightly differently). but in spite of all that, i can fish up plenty of fond memories with him. him baking with me, making silly little songs and telling jokes, pushing me on the swings, giving me impromptu science lessons, praising me, snuggling up with me and my sister

i don't think about those things too often. thinking about them tends just to put me in a melancholy mood because they're rather bittersweet, coated in that haze of fear and misery that permeates all of my childhood memories, interlaced with the general bad memories of him or even the times that started out nice before he would snap at something small, the background knowledge telling me that you could never fully let your guard down around him (especially when he was drunk, which was much of the time)

he stopped being close with me by the time i reached middle school. maybe it was because i stopped being so small and cute. maybe it was because i developed more of my own personality (and i believe that he mostly only loved us as extensions of himself or at least as possessions or pets, not as humans.) maybe because i stopped looking up to him and he needed me to feed his ego. maybe it was because of his antiquated ideas of how a man ought and ought not to act with older children. maybe because i stopped reaching out to him (a bit of normal growing independent, a bit realizing that his actions were abuse and learning not to trust him, a bit because my need for parental affection was no longer big enough to outclass my fear of him.) maybe it was a mix of all these things and more.

either way, he had pulled away long enough ago that i felt no sadness at moving away from him after eighteen

sometimes i hate my mother more because she never showed love to me. sometimes i hate my father more because he showed me love but repeatedly betrayed that love by turning around and hurting me

on that note, it's kinda ironic. the stereotype is that mother issues are complex and filled with a mixture of closeness and pain while father issues are cut and dry. but my situation is the reverse of that

and.

i live alone now. but i can't cut them off just yet for financial and logistics reasons. on rare occasions i have to visit them. they both act nice but i know it's all an act bc when i was stranded there for pandemic reasons, they went right back to their old ways. and even at their best, even if i could ignore the 18 years of abuse at their hands, there's no tenderness, i just feel like a houseguest they're trying to impress.

before i leave, my mother insists on hugging me the way she never did when i was a child. she knows i don't like it and does it deliberately to laugh at me as i squirm in distress. my dad used to do the same but has started accepting handshakes or high fives instead, which is nice i guess.

i plan on cutting them off once i have a stable job. i haven't told them i'm trans yet and won't til i can safely cut them off. i know however they react won't be good, but i almost hope they disown me so i don't have to be the one to put in the work and take the blame for cutting them off

[gocrazygostupidtheories]

I watched Enchanted Grom Fright and I have some things to say.

Firstly, I LOVED THAT DANCE SEQUENCE. I AM ABSOLUTE TRASH FOR THE GENRE AND IT WAS SO WELL ANIMATED I ALMOST DIED.

And here is the most legendary contribution and outfit for Grom.

Next, I’m sure we’re all wondering about who wrote the letters (clearly not Luz.)

But, then I noticed how the writer clearly doesn’t know how to spell her name and had to cross it out and rewrite it. Meanwhile, Amity’s letter knew how to spell her name first try, so if Amity did write it then she wrote it beforehand and sent it to her mother. Which is a bit far fetched, since Amity has a) never been to the human world and b) doesn’t know where Luz lives. Also, the writer doesn’t fill in their full stops/ top of the i’s while Amity does, and the o’s are written similarly, but differently. Since Amity is also her age, and how the letter seems a bit weirdly formal for a fourteen year old (especially talking about mortgages out of all things that Luz could have talked about at the camp,) how they address them as mother/daughter instead of the mamá and mija or the more loving like cariño we’ve seen them address eachother as, I don’t think it’s her. Despite Amity being the first student to protect her, I don't think it completely lines up.

If we want of a bit less sensical theory but more depressing, I have one.

Then, I realized, at the start of the episode, Luz and King were waiting for Eda to come back from the human realm for a seemingly long time. Luz was practicing plant magic, and the place was filled to the brim with different plants and flowers. There were piles of crumpled up paper used for magic that didn’t work, so she must have been a while. Luz’s first line is “Come on, work this time!” Meaning she must have been frustrated over how long she’s spent on this, or how much time and effort she’s wasted.

If we are sticking with my previous theory, it has something to do with this creepy Luz that link to one Luz going in, and another Luz going out, like Hemera and Nyx with the bronze threshold to create sunrises and sunsets. I'm not sure if it's an alter ego, an imposter demon/creature/witch, or if it's someone related to her in some way. However, if my theory is correct, then Luz has a big storm coming.

At first, I was thinking of Amity wanting Luz to stay as a way to escape from a rather toxic parental relationship by how similar the handwriting is.

And as far as we know, the only one who has seen where she lives is Owlbert, who is Eda's palisman.

Over the past couple of episodes, Eda has definitely warmed up to Luz. And, who shows up first when Luz is tracked down by the Grom?

Eda is. When Luz says she can't fight the Grom, Eda immediately says "That's okay." And I thought about it for a little bit, but Luz joining the two has made the dynamics and mood alot brighter than before. This human, who could be compared to Eda's situation when she was her age, wants to learn magic and still trusts and accompanies her after the curse, the fact that they're on the run, being offered much more greater things than living with two criminals who sells human junk for a living.

And maybe she wants to pay that back by avoiding suspicion that Luz is in another dimension. Who knows.

It could be the Emperor's Coven fucking something up (most likely,) but they don't know where she lives or comes from. Then again, the message from the titles "A WITCH LOSES A TRUE WAY" could suggest that Eda might join the Emperor's Coven, willingly or unwillingly.

Next Theory:

When I saw this scene, I knew something was/had been up.

King tells Eda that she was a bit harsh on Luz by telling her she shouldn't be Grom queen and take Amity's place because she was "fragile." In return, Eda says "Facing Grom means facing your worst fear, King. And I don't think Luz knows what that means yet." She stays silent for a bit until she changes the subject to red eyeshadow.

Like said, Eda already has a burning hatred for Hexside and the Emperor's Coven, but I think this could be a little thing as to why. Lilith was one of the best in Hexside that she ended up joining the Emperor's Coven. We don't know the exact logistics of why a person is chosen to fight Grom for Gromnight, but I think it's safe to say that the more powerful and dedicated students do (like Amity.) Lilith would seem like a likely choice for that year's Grom Queen, so it makes me wonder what her worst fear was. Whatever it was, it could of been about Eda or their parents, affected Eda and possibly the Clawthorne family.

But, possibly, it could of been Eda. Eda could of been a witch with great potential that was chosen for Grom, got over excited and over confident, or possibly wanted to fight it instead of Lilith and traded places (Lilith could of been scared of her worst fear, or out of spite and sibling rivalry.) When she ended up fighting it, it shapeshifted into her worst fear which I think could revolve around her family, her curse or her identity compared to Lilith.

This line may have just been for kicks and giggles, but when Eda says "Oh, King. Teenagers are brutal. They'll boo anyone, and that kind of humiliation can stick with you for life." Most likely, Eda did this, but it would be really guiltily angsty of me to assume she has been booed by teenagers before. But why? Maybe because she couldn't face her worst fears, or the adored popular student of the time (Lilith) had some sort of covered emotions she didn't want to tell upfront but got revealed during Grom.

Eda's exact becoming of "The Owl Lady" is unknown, but I've always wondered how people knew she was cursed. She looked pretty embarrassed when the Grom shifted into her temporarily.

But when it instead turns into Luz's mother, Eda realizes, "Oh shit. I was wrong."

When Luz was training with Edric, Emira and Amity, who made a version of Eda making fun of Luz for being fragile, Eda didn't know the context behind this. She could, but I don't think she heard Luz openly proclaim that she's afraid of Eda's rejection and not being good enough to be a witch, not Eda herself. When Eda goes outside, she doesn't know the actual fear, but she knows that she was there when Luz was training how to cope with her worst fears.

So it just may be me and my turning for more angstier content, but since the curse seems to be getting worse, Eda would probably seperate herself from Luz and King for a while (possibly.)

[otherworldink]

Intro to "Woodworking"

Where do you go when you live in a tiny medieval fantasy village and need some basic sex ed? The woodshop apparently. Results may vary. Includes frank, if humorous, discussions of sexuality.

Read it below the cut, or continue reading on: Wattpad or Otherworld.Ink

Bren had never liked sharing personal information. He believed in the twin virtues of privacy and minding your own damn business, and he acted accordingly. Unfortunately, he'd come up against a problem that required advice. Expert advice.

And there was only one place in his backwater village he could get it.

The carpenter's workshop was a pleasantly open building with large windows that let in the light and broad double doors that could allow the passage of a finished table or bed frame. The scent of fresh-cut pine and the subtler scents of hardwoods permeated the air. In every corner there stood half-completed projects, from the disassembled pieces of little boxes to uncut slabs with measurements drawn in charcoal. Bren could even see a small spoked wheel, half-sanded—a spare for the wheeled chair Kole's father used.

Mercifully, the only people inside were the shop's two owners. The most conspicuous of the pair was Dorin, whose height and breadth led some to suspect he had a touch of giant blood somewhere in his ancestry. He sat hunched over a pair of carved wooden fawns, adding the last fine details with a small chisel.

Hale looked slight compared to his husband, but this was just an optical illusion. A point that was reinforced as the man casually lifted a slab of wood that must have weighed as much as Bren did. It was impressive, but not why Bren was here.

"Hi, Bren!" Hale greeted, looking up from examining the marks on the wood slab. "Did your mother change her mind on the dimensions for that shelf? I was just about to make the first cut."

"No, no. It's not about that. I just... I need some advice."

"Oh? Thinking of taking up woodworking?" Hale asked, half joking.

In his nervousness, Bren replied with a poor joke of his own.

"Different kind of 'wood' to be working with."

There was a pause as Hale processed. Then he grinned like someone had handed him a new chisel.

"I knew it! It's Kole, isn't it? That nice half-elf boy?"

Bren's ears burned, and his eyes glued themselves to the floor.

"It is!" Hale dropped the wood slab in his eagerness, shaking the ground on impact. He didn't seem to notice. "Tell me everything! What do you need to know?"

The excitement was not mutual. Bren had resolved to ask for help with the same enthusiasm one used to ask the blacksmith to pull a bad tooth. Mercifully, Dorin only looked mildly interested, sparing just a glance before continuing his carving.

"Look, I'm not here to share details. I just need to know how some things work, and I figure you two..." Bren glanced back and forth between the pair then cleared his throat. "Yeah."

"Right, right." Hale nodded with exaggerated understanding. "No need to overshare. ...Unless you want to, of course."

Hale wasn't the worst gossip Bren knew—that title went to Mrs. Fields who owned the mill—but Bren still thought he took a bit too much pleasure in having his nose in everyone's business.

"I just need to know how some things work."

"Like what?" Hale tapped his chin. "Don't tell me you need to know what goes where? I should have some blank paper around here if you need me to draw diagrams. I can think of a few positions that would be good for beginners."

"No! No, I already know about that stuff." Kind of. A bit. In any case, Bren didn't think his dignity could survive diagrams. "I just need to know about... logistics. Like how you figure out who, you know... tops."

It was hard to get the words out, and he regretted it as soon as he had. It felt like such a stupid question, like it was something he should already know instinctively. People certainly had their own ideas about how these things worked, but Bren and Kole were about the same age, height, and build so it was hard to say that any of the usual "guidelines" applied.

To his surprise, Dorin answered first.

"I wouldn't worry too much about that," he said without looking up. "Just see what feels right when you get to that point. You can take turns trying or, hells, even flip a coin for it. There's more to sex than putting your dick in a hole. Focus on making each other feel good, and the rest will sort itself out."

That... actually sounded sensible. Reassuring, even. Maybe Bren had been making a big deal out of nothing.

"No, no, no! Hold on a minute, babe." Hale quickly covered Dorin's ears. "Listen to me, Bren: you are at a crossroads right now. This is where you set the tone for your entire relationship. You have a unique chance to secure the best position all for yourself. You have to be the bottom!"

Dorin snorted, but made no move to remove the hands from his head. Hale ignored him and continued.

"Topping is a fool's game! If you want to feel something around your dick, you can have your own hand any time. But when you want to get fucked, what are you supposed to do? Oh, you can try certain vegetables, and I've certainly carved a few things in the right shape, but then you've still got to do all the work yourself, and-"

Dorin cleared his throat, interrupting the deluge of far-too-personal information. A mercy, given that Bren was on the verge of bursting into awkward flames and disintegrating into the floor.

"Hush!" Hale scolded his husband. "I'm passing on my wisdom. And you can't hear right now!"

He returned his earnest attention to Bren. "What I'm saying is, no matter what anyone tells you, it is surprisingly hard to 'go fuck yourself'. If you ever get the opportunity to have someone else do it, do not pass it up!"

"He's only saying that because he's lazy in bed," Dorin said, apparently giving up on withholding personal information. Hale made an offended noise.

"You! You can't hear, remember!"

Bren wished he couldn't hear anything.

"Is there anything useful you can tell me, or should I just leave?"

"Always use oil," Dorin said, finally brushing Hale's hands away from his ears. "More than you think you need. It makes everything more pleasant."

"Except for oral!" Hale added.

"Yeah. Except that."

"Okay, that's... good to know," Bren said. "So, like, the oil you use on tools, or...?"

"NO!" The objection came from both of them simultaneously.

Dorin cleared his throat.

"Ah, no. Different oil."

Hale grimaced.

"Otherwise you're in for an awkward trip to the healer."

Bren could tell there was a story there. A story he absolutely never needed to hear.

"Then... what kind are you supposed to use?" And where could he get it? Ideally without anyone guessing what he intended to use it for.

"We'll send you off with something," Dorin said. "It's better than you getting desperate and using whatever's on hand."

"Trust us on that," Hale added.

On this matter, Bren would.

In short order, the two set him up with a small jar of oil and instructions on where to discretely buy more. He also found himself holding the two fawns.

"You can pay us back by delivering them," Dorin explained. "They're for Leda on the other side of town."

"They're actually for her daughter," Hale added. "Leda hopes that if the kid has some nice toy fawns, she'll stop trying to bring home the real ones she finds out in the fields."

The palm-sized fawns were impressively lifelike: one curled flat and low like it was hiding in the grass, the other half-sprawled, pushing itself up on delicate forelimbs with its ears pricked alertly. Bren wasn't sure they'd be enough to persuade a determined child to give up the real thing, but they might come close.

Dorin offered some parting words.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just take it slow, listen to each other, and have fun."

"And for fuck's sake, let him top!" Hale added, unable to help himself.

Bren mumbled something approaching a polite goodbye and hurriedly retreated with the fawns, the oil, the advice, and what remained of his dignity.

His initial plan had been to make the delivery and retreat home to bury his face in his pillow until the embarrassment receded, but fate was not so accommodating. Less than halfway across town, he spotted Kole at the blacksmith's shop, saying his goodbyes. Bren paused on reflex, and when Kole turned away from the workshop, he spotted him.

Kole smiled—partly bashful, entirely charming—and Bren's stomach flipped.

Kole had moved into town a few months back with his parents: an elven mother and a human father who had recently survived an unpleasant encounter with a wyvern. Years ago, Hale had made a wheeled chair for his elderly aunt, and since then, anyone within a week's travel who needed one would order from him.

The family had made the journey to have the chair properly fitted and had ended up staying. Something about wanting to live "somewhere quiet" and enjoying the "lovely pastoral scenery". Which all sounded like nice euphemisms for "boring", but Bren supposed boring might be what you wanted after getting mauled by a wyvern.

"They're cute," Kole said, nodding at the carved fawns in Bren's hands.

"They're not mine!" Bren said hastily. "I'm just delivering them."

"Right." Kole's gaze lowered. "What's that?"

Bren realized, with some alarm, that he was looking at the bottle of oil sticking out of his trouser pocket. He hadn't thought it would be a problem since there was nothing suggestive about it's appearance, but he hadn't prepared for anyone to ask about it!

"Nothing!" His voice came out slightly more panicked than intended.

Amusement flickered on Kole's face, as if he could tell Bren was hiding something but was nice enough not to call him out on it.

"Who are you delivering them to?" Kole asked, mercifully turning the conversation back to the wooden fawns.

This was why Kole was the actual best. He had the decency to let things lie. (Or, at least, to let Bren lie to save some face.)

"Leda. They're for her daughter."

"Oh yeah. The little 'fawn-napper'." Kole chuckled. "Do you need help delivering those?"

"No, they're not heavy or anything." It was only after he'd said this that he realized Kole was making an excuse to join him. "Uh... I mean, you could..."

"I could carry one? In case you need a free hand."

"Yeah. That'd be good."

Kole accepted one of the fawns and fell in step next to Bren.

The two of them had been intimate before, but always alone. Bren was too much a private person to allow anything else. But when Kole casually laid a hand on Bren's lower back, Bren really couldn't bring himself to object. It felt... nice. And it's not like anyone was paying special attention to them.

Did he mention it felt nice?

Given where Bren had just come from, it was impossible not to reflect on the recent conversation. He tried to keep his thoughts decent, out of respect for the carved fawn in his hands. It was far too innocent for anyone to be having those kinds of thoughts around it.

Still, though...

Maybe Hale had a point.

[jacksonb]

Yes, I know you’re leaving for 4 months. Yes, I knew I had to talk to you about where we stood, and yes, I was extremely nervous.

We met at our usual breakfast spot (Westside) yesterday morning. I had your birthday gift that I had carefully hidden under the table. I got there before you and chose the chair, as I know you like to sit in the booth. I saw you walk past the window next to me and my hands started to already shake. You slid in the booth silently and greeted me with a big smile as you stared at the coffee that I had ordered you. You were wearing your black Melly and your hair was in a messy bun, which I found oddly sexy.  Long story short, we were supposed to be in Charleston at the same time, but you had to leave for Spain sooner than expected. I had told you that my family really wanted to meet you. 

You said to me “what’s wrong? You look sad”. I made some excuse why I wasn't sleeping the last two nights - I wasn’t ready to talk about my feelings yet. The waitress came by twice to see if we were ready to order. Since it was your last time eating there until fall, you chose the Hungry Bear. I ordered a very basic breakfast platter and we made small talk until our food came. I wasn’t hungry at all, so I ate a few bites and stirred my food around to make it look like I had eaten more.    We talked about Spain, logistics, family, and jobs. We actually covered a lot of conversation by the time we finished eating, and I began to work up the courage to ask you.

I had rehearsed what I was going to say 1,000 times, but couldn't think of the first word. I sheepishly asked you “it’s well known what I think about you and how I feel about you. But I need to know if you think there is a future for you and I”. You shifted the way you were sitting and I gathered the courage you look you in the eyes. You timidly laughed and said “way to put me on the spot”. I began to vomit out my words and why I admire you so much. I became so upset  during our conversation because I couldn’t seem to put how I feel into verbal words. I got choked up twice when I was talking about you and I was trying my best to hide my watery eyes.  I briefly looked out the window, but the sunlight only perpetuated the tears. 

After realizing I was making no sense, I looked up at you for a response - your big, kind, ocean blue eyes were searching the table as I could tell you were trying to conjure a response. You told me that you cared about me and your friendship, but just wasn't ready for a relationship. You also told me that you felt “connected spiritually” with Dylan, which sparked about 6 questions. You told me that feelings and desires change, and that you were leaving for 4 months.... 

We talked about this for a while; going back and fourth and not really making any progress. So, I gave you your present. Yes, it was the camera that I wanted you to buy. You opened it and immediately said you couldn’t take it. But I told you why I bought it for you: in some small way, I want to be apart of your pursuit of happiness. Photography is something that I love, and I wanted you to document this entire trip for you to savor the rest of your life. Your eyes became wet, but you never cried. 

I told you that I saw you lose a piece of yourself in your last relationship, which I never wanted to see. But it wasn't my place to correct you, even when you were talking about leaving him. I wanted you to know that I would never give up on you. Yes, that’s not very romantic, but I needed to tell you. You mentioned that you didn't want kids (I do), and I smiled and said “then we can fight about that”. You also said that meeting my family right now might be a little too much, which I understand. I have talked so much about you to my parents and to Jamie. I hope you get to meet them soon.

I felt so relieved after I told you in person how I feel. But I wish you had definitively given me a “yes” or “no”. You just said that things and feelings can change, so I'm not sure what to do with that. I know you’re going through a lot, and that this trip is to find yourself.... But I told you over and over again, that I just needed to tell you, even if nothing changes. 

[citizen-of-the-fandom]

Nobody asked but I wanted to tell y'all anyway:

Women on Jotunheim are the hunters of their society b/c its commonly known that the men are pretty good at hitting each other but it takes true skill to stalk an ice wyvern in its own territory.

The throne is inherited through the maternal line (probably because the guys might all die by the time succession rolls around or something but mostly I wanted this to be true because it means Loki, a bastard son of Laufey, could not have inherited the throne of Jotunheim and Odin would have caused a war anyway if he'd insisted the Jotnar give up their own traditions)

Love songs mostly fall into the genre of 'My Lover Could Kill Me In 3 Seconds With A Scrap Of Linen And I Am The Luckiest Person In Yggdrasil'

And also 'My Lover Likes Sharp Things. My Lover Likes Me. Whatever Could That Say About Me?' (This one is usually performed as a dance with like. At least seven knives.)

Loki learns the above and realizes that apparently his crushes on every woman he knows capable of killing him are not that odd after all. He feels slightly better about his blood heritage.

The jotun who told Thor 'run back home little princess' was Laufey's eldest son.

Because so many of their months are so much darker than the rest of the Nine Realms, Jotunheim is actually home to the best astronomy observatory in the universe. Jane Foster learns this and begins packing her things so she can go study there, blithely ignoring such logistics as 'humans literally can't survive Jotunheim's winter' because Science!

Pretty much everyone blamed Laufey for the crappy 'treaty' they were forced to sign with Asgard (because he'd attacked Midgard etc etc) and when Loki finally approaches them with intent to pay a weregild, literally everyone says 'nah it's cool bro we didn't like him anyway'

Laufey's other two sons, Helblindi and Byleistr, (which I think are canon?) have kids of their own. These kids are all taller than Loki, which makes him their favorite uncle because he is cute and little and adorable to them. He pretends to resent this but does not actually mind. Do not bet against them in a snowball fight.

The Jotnar call the battle at the beginning of Thor 2011 'The Prince's Massacre'

They call the giant hole Loki left in their planet that one time he tried to blow it up 'The Traitor's Scar.' They make him fix it. Old grandmothers (who, like any group of people known for carrying needles around, are absolutely terrifying) watch in silence before pronouncing his debt paid.

Y'all ever seen Ice Hotel? Halls on Jotunheim are like that. Beautifully carved ice sculptures made with their magic and infused with werelights.

The lines on a jotun face are inherited from their biological parents. Adopted children go through a ceremony where their new parents can imprint their family lines on the newest member of their family.

For no particular reason, Jotunheim decides its Ambassador To Earth should have a building in the jotnar style which means the Jotunheim Embassy is on Antarctica.

There are a lot of hot springs. It's like Iceland that way. There are many customs around bathing, either together or as a group.

The Casket of Ancient Winters functions somewhat like Jotunheim's magical sun, giving the planet much-needed energy. Laufey's using it as an instrument of war turned many of his people against him.

Ask me about my Jotunheim headcanons