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echologname · 3 months ago

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Hack your ADHD brain to do things

If there's a pot of dopamine at the end of a rainbow, I'd believe it because I've been searching frantically where to find this stuff. But for now, here's some ridiculous and maybe unhinged advice on how to get your silly brain to produce it itself. In my opinion, the more silly, stupid and simple it is, the better.

Side quest roulette

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7rard8ukBz/?igsh=aGxzdHNkaGl6MWxt

Tell yourself to do something that's NOT what you want to do and let the ADHD distract you down the correct rabbit hole.

Duck tape yourself to your task

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-78ilVJlyb/?igsh=am9pODRzY2xtMTY5

Duck tape yourself to your chair if you need to sit down and do homework. If you move to get up, you'll feel the gentle pressure and it'll remind you to stay focused.

Honestly, I did say some of these were out there 😜

Sing

Singing stimulates your vagus nerve which helps reduce anxiety and has numerous other mental health benefits and makes you feel good inside. Signing while doing a task is a great strategy!

Nested roulette games

The brain thrives with unpredictability and brevity. Doom scrolling is so addictive because:

Appeal - something enjoyable

Brevity - a minute reel

Unpredictability - you keep scrolling for the surprise of what's next

So use this to choose your tasks at random and only commit to doing them for a little bit. If I spin a wheel and the task is homework, spin again for a random assignment and again for what part of the assignment and set a timer for a few to 30 minutes max. Then you can do some proprioception stims like jumping jacks or twirl around to help you task change.

If your brain is chaotic, then giving it a chaotic and stimulating environment is what it needs.

Create an environment conducive to productivity

I can't be in my room, it's a mess, I don't have the energy to clean it but I need to put things away if I want to get to my desk to do work. So, instead of mixing my "lazy" and "work" environments in the same space, I'm only allowed to be messy and do fun things on the other end of the room that way my work space stays neat and tidy. It can help to have a room divider.

I focus better when I'm in work environments like school where everyone there has the same goal. So, it's my attempt to recreate the division where I associate different spaces with different tasks.

Sometimes I just get stuck but splashing cold water on my face or drinking something cold kinda zaps me out of that state and I feel alert and refreshed, ready to take on a task. You can set reminders to regularly get your cold fix to stimulate your nervous system and activate a mild stress response.

Name inanimate objects

If I name something, that automatically gives it "feelings." This is to help motivate me to take good care of things like my bedroom. If they're messy, they're sick and sad and it'd help me WANT to clean it up instead of just forcing myself to do it.

Coldness

Blanket head

For some reason, I focus better at night. So I try to recreate the same conditions by putting a blanket over my head, that way it's cozy, dim, less noisy and it's just me and my homework, nothing else.

Turn your routine into a mnemonic device

For example: Wisconsin Badgers Huddle Dramatically

Wash face

Breakfast

Homework

Dishes

The sillier the better. The idea is to make it easier to remember and make a habit of things to do.

Social media encouragement

Post your completed task in an ADHD encouragement group to get likes, positive comments or even help from others about where to start on a task.

Puppy dog eyes = YES!

Place talky buttons on the floor for your dog. Each one has a task or chore you have to do and when your dog presses one like, "Do dishes." you HAVE to obey. They're too cute to say no to and I'd do ANYTHING for them, if I'm willing to give my life for my dog, I can definitely do a few chores for her. Also, if my dog is encouraged to do this behavior with treats after I complete the task, she'll keep barking and begging and being silly and obnoxious until I do the task.

Get fictional characters to help you

Write notes to yourself about what's next to do or an upcoming appointment and sign them from "So and so." I'll listen to anyone but myself. You can even put them in a mailbox to make it more engaging.

Or use AI voices (for personal use ONLY! Voice actors are amazing people and it's mean to use their voice without permission) and a character give you your to-dos or words of encouragement.

ChatGPT scheduler

I've tried many times, but I suck at blocking out time for things. So I'll tell AI what I typically do, any goals and such and it'll give me what my week should look like.

Toy confetti and giant "pill boxes"

Create bins/cardboard boxes for each day of the week

Collect "toy confetti" (small knick knacks from diverse playsets like Legos, Barbie accessories, fidgets, small plastic dinos, Happy Meal toys etc...)

Write tasks on the toys and optionally an amount of time to set for that task

Place what needs to be done on which day in the corresponding boxes

The surprise and sensory diversity makes it fun and the boxes give it basic schedule structure.

Give yourself an important sounding title

Like, "I am the Princess! Everything I say goes!" And really get into the responsibilities inherent in your imaginary position. It can feel very empowering.

Mailbox

Set up a table or space for a box and some paper and writing utensils next to it. Optionally, have a cloud printer set up too. If someone has a chore for you to do, they can leave you a note in your box or if they have forms for you to sign, they can highlight where and leave it for you. Or if I have a note to leave for myself while I'm out of the house, I can use my phone connected to the printer, to print out the note at home (possibly placed so the paper falls into the box).

ASMR

Do your tasks slowly and listen carefully to the sounds of the tinkling silverware, tap your fingers on hard surfaces you have to wipe down...etc. It's no longer "chores" but yummy homemade ASMR.

Silly hats

Wear a silly hat for different things (like homework vs chores) so it acts as a cue to your brain to help you gear shift.

Different music genres help too.

Gentle parenting

Tell yourself, "It's OK sweetie, I know it's frustrating and you're trying your best to do the thing but you feel stuck."

Opposite action (DBT therapy)

Do the opposite of what your emotions are telling you to do. If you're feeling sad and want to curl up alone in the dark and do depressed things, you're just going to encourage that emotion instead of doing things a non-depressed person does like go outside in the sun and talk to friends.

If you're demotivated and want to sit and doom scroll, just get up, do a power pose and start with one little thing.

Video game roleplay

Attach a controller plug to a headband and controll myself to do things.

Fictional character roleplay

Act how a character would act doing that task. Mimic their body language, tics, lingo, humor…etc.

If doing the task stresses you out too much, pretend you're summoning someone else to do it and it might as well be your favorite character.

Demon slaying

The task that you NEVER seem to be able to do is a demon that must DIE! Fuel yourself with that adrenaline! C’ause that pile of laundry is just going to mock you and your executive dysfunction indefinitely. And we can't have that, so be a hero and murder your tasks! Those stressful little burgers are going DOWN!

Exercise audio games

Using an app like Zombies, Run! or Marvel Move, get up and get going, knock out missions while getting chores done.

AI assistance

AI works as my brain, it plans everything out and I just operate as the body taking commands of what to do next.

Dog treatment

Give yourself a treat for doing basic human things.

Cleaning hacks

Everything has a colored sticker which goes in the corresponding colored drawer/box/shelf…etc.

Give everything silly names. The dingawongs go on the desk with the other dingawongs and the jigawigas go in the drawer with the other jigawigas.

Try to pick up things with robot hands (mechanical hands with string and cardboard/plastic) or your toes. It'll be so much more fun and novel!

Video + Tasker

Record vids of giving tasks and use Tasker to automatically play them at a certain time as a reminder.

Best used with smart watch (like a super spy getting a secret mission 😎)

Quests

Mystery dispensers by each task (like by the cleaning supplies) and go around doing tasks in order to get the reward.

Optional function: they have AI and you need to send a picture of the completed task (checks image date and time metadata) in order to get the prize.

Puppet/plush care

Instead of saying, “I have to do this,” it's “I have to make sure Fuzzy does this by this time because I care about her and love her.” So it uses my sense of maternal responsibility for caring for helpless creatures that can't do anything on their own.

Also, it's Jesus's love language helping others! His law is love and that's how He wants us to show it.

VR game

Highlights items to put away and where and gives cute animations and sound effects for doing the task. Like a SIM but uses augmented reality.

Virtual pet reminders

Whenever it yells at you for a specific thing like food, associate it with doing something for yourself like getting yourself food too. You can't always trust yourself to set reminders.

Audio planner A

Computer talks and says what the task is, for how long and plays specific music to mentally que that task.

Example:

7:30 AM

“Time to wake up!”

“You have an hour to get ready for the day”

Plays morning music

8:20

“10 more minutes”

8:30

“Homework time!”

“You have 30 min until a break”

Plays Lofi Hip Hop

9:00

“You can take a break now”

Has a web interface with a checklist and whenever a task is completed, it says something like, “Congratulations on completing ____!” “You’ve earned 10 virtual coins!”

Audio planner B

Same as above but a playlist of time chunks and voice clips

MP3 to-do timer

Music clips with the task as the “song title.” Selecting a random song to be played, would be the same as selecting a random task and setting a timer for it, in this case, the run time of a song.

Candy task randomizer

Take a candy/pill dispenser filled with beads with tasks written on them.

Plush task randomizer

Plush with sound module with recordings of different tasks.

Bead currency

Every task completed is worth a bead.

10 beads = 1 USD

Keep track of beads as they accumulate

Can ONLY buy something for puppies IF there's enough beads

Adulting kid’s app

In a virtual world, their parents can set up a to-do list and they have an in game calendar, bank, phone and such. They're goal is to take care of a virtual pet whose needs are very realistic: unpredictable. Anyway, to take care of a pet, you need money which is earned by completing tasks (parents and teachers can send tasks to their to do and appointments to their calendar.

They have to plan out about how much food and medicine their pet needs and spend it wisely. They get an virtual invoice/receipts.

Their pet can spontaneously get sick and they need to make an appointment with the vet and pay LOTS from savings.

Delayed gratification prize dispenser

Write tasks on paper

Add paper to jar once complete

When the jar is full/reaches a minimum weight, it’ll dispense a prize

Flower power

Write tasks on seed paper

When a task is complete, put it in a jar

The jar is filled by the end of the week and the tasks can be planted!

Egg system

Fill eggs with different tasks related to homework or free/break time. And set a timer to complete the task on the egg I picked.

For free time, instead of picking up my phone and waste time, I pick up an egg. This way, I can do things I’ve always wanted to do but never do because I’d rather sit and do nothing.

Also, keeping a strict schedule is hard, this way, it's not mindless routine, it has an element of surprise and flexibility.

Possible Motivators

Throughout all species throughout the world and time, necessity has been the driving force and the reward: life and continued existence, food and health. They’d literally die without the skills they acquired from their parents, sometimes horribly. There's no, “If I want to get distracted and not do this thing, there's no consequences, I’ll still live just fine.”

I suppose drastic stakes are super effective.

Also, like the Bluey episode, “Duck cake,” even when Bluey got things she liked and enjoyed for cleaning up, they didn't fulfill her as much as cleaning up to please her parents and make them happy. So, doing things for the good of helping others is also a strong motivator. If we always live for the things that please us, for the things we want, we’ll never be truly happy.

Or Tiana in The Princess and the Frog, she had a dream she wanted SO desperately, she worked hard every day for years for it, never once taking her eyes off the prize. What dream do you have?

Make other things just as or more enjoyable than my bad habits.

Find something or someone to live for (for me, it's my dog's). It's different when you take care of someone you love because you would do anything for them. They're ALIVE, they have feelings and it makes you care about them.

Or if not, pretend you have a little kid to take care of and they follow you around everywhere and watch what you do. You'd want to make sure you're always setting a good example and demonstrating healthy habits.

Though it's probably not the healthiest, nothing kicks me into high gear like being frustrated/angry. I get an "I can fight everyone!" mentality and end up taking it out on chores and doing things. At least I'm not too irritable and it's constructive.

#adhd #actually autistic #executive dysfunction #adhd paralysis #neurodivergent #adhd hacks #adult adhd #adhd help

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lionheartslowstart · 4 months ago

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POA

Something happened recently that has caused me to confront the fact that I am truly disabled. It's not that I didn't know I was, of course I have since the autism diagnosis, but I really, and I mean really, got hit in the face with it.

I'll explain.

I can't go into too much detail regarding the actual circumstances, but the long and short of it is that I had to give my parents power of attorney in order to solve a housing issue. I trust parents completely and I know it's not something they would ever abuse. They made it clear to me that should I ever want to dissolve it, we could do that, and that the sole purpose for getting it was to avoid any houses issues now and in the future.

We had to go to a lawyer's office to sign the document and have it notarized. It was all very official. Afterwards, I drove home, sat on my bed, and just cried.

When I received the autism diagnosis, I was diagnosed with Level 1 autism. Autism is divided into 3 different levels. However, in my research, these levels seem to pertain strictly to social skills. In this way, yes, I am a Level 1 autistic. But if we're talking about "functionality," I'm not so sure I can qualify as Level 1 anymore. (Seriously, why IS it split by social ability? That's stupid.)

I'm 30 years old, and I'm still financially dependent on my parents. At this point in my life, I can't work a full time job. As a result, I will never be financially independent, and I will never be able to afford housing on my own. I say "at this point," because maybe one day that will change, but I doubt it. And for the record, I count myself lucky I can at least work a part time job, because 85% of autistics can't work at all.

Autism is a developmental disability, and I feel that as I'm getting older, it's become more obvious. Because I'm staying the same. I mean, obviously not completely the same. I've learned and grown and matured, and my friends who have known me for over a decade always comment on how much I've changed, but that's not what I mean. I mean that I feel like an adult and a child at the same time. I mean there are certain things I can't DO, certain things I can't retain or process, because my brain just won't let me. For example, I can't set up health insurance by myself. Every time my mom tries to explain it to me, my brain glazes over. That's the best way I can explain it. And I swear, I am trying SO hard to pay attention. I can't help it. My brain just...won't.

If this is what my life looks like when I'm 30, what is it going to look like when I'm 50? 60? 70? Not good. Not a good quality of life at all.

I'm so jealous of my friends and family. I don't understand how they do it. Even my other autistic friends are able to work full time or go to school full time without incident. (I did go to college full time but I almost ended myself like 3 times and I had to take a LOT of time off throughout.) It makes me feel guilty and bad. Like a loser. A failure. And yes, I know that autism can look different in everyone. I guess this is just one of the ways it affects me personally. But even so, it's painful to watch everyone around you be fully independent, and for whatever reason that's just not you. I mean, I'm independent in other ways. I can live by myself, make my own appointments, work part-time, and form meaningful relationships. I'm really trying to focus on those things instead, but it's been difficult to stay positive. I feel like financial independence is pretty major.

I want to interject here and say that I am insanely grateful to my parents. I know how blessed I am. They are my biggest supporters, both emotionally and financially. They love me so much, and if I didn't have them I'm certain I'd be homeless, probably long dead. I know that most people don't have parents like mine, let alone autistic people. I thank them all the time and tell them how guilty I feel and reassure them that I'm not lazy or spoiled, that I take their support very seriously. And they always assure me that they know, and not to worry about it, and they just want me to be happy.

But I do worry about it. My parents have wasted so much money on keeping me alive, it makes me physically ill. If I wasn't around, they'd have more money in their pockets for other things. They wouldn't have to worry about me all the time. I genuinely feel like they'd be better off without me, at least in the long run.

Like I said, the thoughts have been real dark lately, y'all. I've been extremely depressed since we instated the POA. This is my reality.

I don't know if my friends will still want to be friends with me in 10 years. Even my autistic friends. I don't like that I'll most likely never be financially independent. It is my greatest shame and I wish so badly it wasn't true.

People who insist autism is a fad and that people fake it for attention or whatever can eat my entire ass.

I would do anything, and I mean anything, to not be autistic.

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #neurodivergent #neurospicy #autistic adult #personal

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comicbookgirl2 · 7 months ago

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HOT TAKE: I do sorta like this show BUT

I feel like it wastes a ton of potential?

The Chaos Bots should be a more consistent/bigger threat. But it feels like this show borrows notes from SVFTOE where it says "focus more on the teen/family drama than the ACTUAL looming threat."

The whole premise with the future could've been a bit more explored as well- because the future solely hinges on one person. ((I feel like this is kinda iffy but whatever)). Which is fine I guess- it's not like they can reveal what happens to everyone because of space/time continuum or whatever- ((that too is also a problem in and of itself when it comes to me caring about the characters, because it makes them feel like they don't matter in the long run??? None of them are Hailey's equals either? But it might just be a me thing)) but what about things like canon events? I'm not saying "THE SHOW HAS TO HAVE DARK LORE LIKE OWL HOUSE AND GRAVITY FALLS DID" but I honestly think it sorta needed a stronger hook if the stakes are going to be that HIGH. ((I do find it funny how it does lack that sort of depth of lore when you consider that the consequences of Hailey failing is the LITERAL apocalypse))

I feel like the whole 'kiss-scott' thing is sorta drawn out and boring. Hailey kinda feels like a flat character and I wish they'd gone for a more underdog-esque angle with her. She honestly feels like she's good at everything- and the universe just sorta helps her out (she's incredibly lucky, not lazy) so it sorta kills the tension? Nothing about her character indicates that she'd be a MASTER inventor who'd stop climate change one day. Sure she's creative and has a get-it-done sorta attitude, but until this list popped up in her life she never shows any deep interest in fixing the environment or wanting to become an engineer.

I feel like she should've been more like Lunella from Moongirl. Lunella is a brilliant inventor- but not very athletic (she struggles with gym class) so how does she compensate for this? Simple. She uses her weapons/gadgetry to bridge the gap. But even then I'd argue that Lunella fumbles/struggles more to get things done than Hailey does. ((But then again the Moongirl show doesn't have a strict framework like Hailey's show does-so it can get away with more but that's a talk for another time). They try to sell you a girl who's risk-aversed and introverted, but Hailey doesn't come off as either of those things to me. (But that just might be me)

Honestly I feel like the show should've started out being a bookworm/loner. She's not athletic in the slightest and in fact fails at a lot of things. She doesn't have scott by her side (I'll get into this later) so when the list comes to her- she's forced to believe in herself and for the good of the world interact/make friends with people she never thought she could. Maybe she even struggles with perfectionism/the fear of failure as well.

Scott's character is also super wasted too- I don't have a problem with dumb/friendly himbo characters that can't read the room- but it feels like he could've been a bit more than that??? Especially his unbalanced dynamic with Hailey? His character is sorta held back by all the re-occuring side characters if you think about it. And their chemistry is super limited. She's super smart/talented, and he's just well...Scott. He does and say stupid stuff that either annoys her or she just rolls with it for the sake of the joke.

((Personally I would've started off the show with them not being friends/maybe even frenemies and then just have them reluctantly work together until they fall for each other)) He can't be the rival who challenges her because that's AC's job (who's a joke of a character too btw) he can't be the super social one who's the popular kid who makes Hailey feel uncomfortable/reluctant to work with because that's Christine (who's also a reoccurring side character as well). He can't be the super snarky character who despite being just as smart/more responsible than her constantly butts heads with her over completing the list (because that's Beta's role- but I give Beta a pass because he sorta carries this show for me). But if he'd had any of those traits- being a rival, or a skill that he'd consistently be better at so he'd carry the team more- part of me feels like it'd have given their dynamic better footing.

Which speaking of-

Like this may be another hot take- but Hailey/Scott's dynamic feels unbalanced and lacks a lot of chemistry to me. I just can NOT ship them romantically, and ironically the more the show hints/tells me it's endgame- the less I feel inclined to ship it. I really think that if the list didn't outright imply it and the fate of the world didn't depend on it- these two wouldn't be a thing.

People say not every girl/guy has to end up together- and I do agree. But if the show really wanted to hit shipping gold, I think it should've explored it's options better.

#hailey's on it #disney shows #disney animation #hailey banks #I don't know Scott's last name #rambling

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rosetylerdefenderoftheearths · 1 year ago

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I love this, I have a learning disorder myself (ADHD, it's a learning disorder too, and it's ambiguous if I have dyslexia or two types) and my whole life people have always been either treating me like I was stupid for not acting like everyone else. People shout at you to change like its easy. Like you have nothing better to do than to constantly survey your actions to make sure you're being normal. They shout at you for being lazy and for not trying when you are. It just doesn't look like it to them. My first thought when I wake up is not immediately a list of things to do, I'm lucky if I can remember to do it by that night, it's just not the main thing on my mind at all times and I do try but I can't do things like other people do. My whole life people have shouted at me to "listen" and to "stay still" and to "pay attention" like that's going to help Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, like I can just flip a switch but I can't. I just alienates me, it makes me feel more and more alone.

People just won't understand. I do focus. I focus on so many times at the same time that it's just as useful as not focusing at all. I don't choose to get distracted, it just happens. It feels like I'm in a room with a giant pit between me and the switches people seem to think I can turn on and off but I'm just kind of throwing things at them and every once in a while, I'll hit it but not often. It's hard to explain ADHD too because I've had ADHD since I was three; it's my normal. Neurotypicals' normal is abnormal to be and I think they may have a breakdown if they suddenly had to live with the functions that I have.

On to the Rose part, I'm not too sure I buy that she has a learning disorder, I'm actually studying psychology in college right now, and Rose just seems like an ordinary girl who fell for a guy who turned out to be a jerk. He used her, messed up her life, and then stole her computer and left her in debt with no A-levels. I'm American but I think it costs money to get a GED after you drop out of school, I have no knowledge of this whatsoever, but I think Rose is just more a character we can relate to. There's potential but no ambition because Rose didn't know what she wanted to do in life.

But after traveling with the Doctor, she had picked up a few things, when she got stuck on Pete's World, she worked for Torchwood, I imagine she was a full-on agent and she was a regularly involved with the dimensional cannon and it's been said that when we officially see her again in "Turn Left" she's more like the Doctor than she was when she left and Jackie even noted back then that Rose was little bit more like him than she used to be. There's also the fact that she dropped out of school, her father died before he could become successful if Pete's World is any implication (I feel that since there's no Rose in Pete's World that maybe Pete was just a year off of a breakthrough), her mother was a hairdresser, and she was working a dead-end job, she had no connections to help her nor did she have anyone to inspire her until the Doctor.

I was thinking and I came to conclusion that Rose was bullied and she has some learning disability.

I was thinking about this for a very long time and I truly think Rose was bullied when she was younger in school and that she has some learning disability.

In the first episode ‘Rose’ when she trapped in that cellar with the autons she thinks it’s a joke from some colleague.

ROSE: Right, I’ve got the joke. Who’s idea was this? Is it Derek’s? Is it? Derek, is this you?

And when Nine saves her she thinks it’s all a joke from students:

ROSE: Very clever. Nice trick! Who were they then, students? Is this a student thing or what? DOCTOR: Why would they be students? ROSE: I don’t know. DOCTOR: Well, you said it. Why students? ROSE: ‘Cos to get that many people dressed up and being silly, they got to be students.

This makes me thinks she’s used this kind of bad jokes because she’s not surprised when she’s in this kind of stituation. On ’The End of The World’ when Jabe begins to call her names, Rose answers her in a very smart and sassy way, she’s not victimizes herself. The same thing happens on ’The Unquiet Dead’ when Nine saves her from that room with zumbis, when Rose get a chance she rants with Mr. Sneed:

ROSE: First of all you drug me, then you kidnap me, and don’t think I didn’t feel your hands having a quick wander, you dirty old man! SNEED: I won’t be spoken to like this! ROSE: Then you stuck me in a room full of zombies! And if that ain’t enough, you swan off and leave me to die! So come on, talk!

All this just really makes me thinks she was very bullied in her life and because of that she learns to fights it, to not be intimidated by anyone. I guess Rose’s years on school was not good because on the same episode when she’s talking to Gwyneth about school they said:

ROSE: So, did you go to school or what? GWYNETH: Of course I did. What do you think I am, an urchin? I went every Sunday, nice and proper. ROSE: What, once a week? GWYNETH: We did sums and everything. To be honest, I hated every second. ROSE: Me too.

And I guess it’s, in part, because her learning disability. Just observe the way Jackie is with her, she didn’t think Rose will do big thinks in her life. When Rose has her job exploded she said:

JACKIE: Well, you’ve got to find some way of making money. Your job’s kaput and I’m not bailing you out.

And the next day, Jackie says to her get a job on the on butchers. Even Mickey is very resigned that Rose’s life will be average, get a job, a house and done. Part because Rose doesn’t has her A-Levels and part because they don’t think she will archieve big things.

On 'Father’s Day’ we see her dad. Pete is very clever man but he’s a kind 'out there’, people think he’s has stop dream about his 'Vitex’ drinks and get a job, get money as everyone else. Even Jackie thinks that about him and herself.

So, all this made me think that Rose even been clever, she has some learning disability after her dad. That’s why I think she hated school so much, she might not have learned in the same speed that her friends who made fun of her, bullied her, making her think she was nothing. Part of this, makes me think, made her drop school to live with Jimmy Stone (this relationship of her and Jimmy Stone is more talked about on the official books).

And then appears The Doctor, a very superior everything alien and of all the people who could put her down is him, because his intelligence but he’s the only one who don’t do it, he’s the one who says she’s brilliant, clever and thanks her when she helps.

Remember the end of 'Rose’ when The Doctor took Rose and Mickey back on the Powel Estate, Rose said:

ROSE: You were useless in there. You’d be dead if it wasn’t for me.

She says half joking and half saying the truth and by her face we see she’s expecting he says “No way! how can I be saved by you” or something like that, but The Doctor doesn’t do it, he in fact thanks her, not only that but invite her to travel with him, she! Just a girl from Estate who everyone bullied and said she was not clever, she didn’t do great things in life.

I guess she said no because she was half thinking it was a joke, but by Nine’s face she sees it’s not and regrets her answer when he goes away, but he came back, she just goes with the Doctor.

This is what I think, and seeing this way just make me love more Rose, because she had her own world against her but when someone believed in her, when someone truly believe she could be more than just average, she created her own life and save the world and the universe.

That’s why I love her so much, because she has a hard life but she’s still kind with people, she doesn’t care about status, she’s compassionate.

People says she was selfish. Well, everyone is, but I can’t call her selfish when she tries to save her dad (she didn’t know that was a bad ideia), she was sad about the Doctor on 'School Reunion’ not for she isn’t be the only one but because The Doctor just left someone important to him and never looked back as his friend was nothing. It’s like is said on 'The Little Prince’ “You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.”.

People also says she was unfair with Mickey. Well, Mickey wasn’t a saint. He said to her he just didn’t go out with another girl on that year Rose was out because everyone thinks he was a murder. On ’Boom Town’ he goes to Cardiff sees Rose even dating another girl. On the official books is very clear Rose ended with him.

But the thing is, Rose is a well developmented character. She is just that girl, who could be everyone, she could be that student in school who everyone bullies, she could be my friend, my brother or even me. She has defects as everyone, but she has such great heart as few. I can easily relate myself to her, because her ups and downs.

Rose indeed creates herself to be what she always have pontential to be: someone strong who can make a difference, and for that, to make a difference, you don’t need to be posh, or rich or have A-Levels, you just need courage, even when you life is hell, you can be better and made the others better.

#Rose Tyler #doctor who

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missallsundayyy · 4 years ago

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Breaking Boundaries

First oneshot for my first post here and there’s no better ship/pair i’d rather write than Nico Robin & Roronoa Zoro

Things were lively on the Sunny Go as usual. Franky was upgrading the canons on the ship, Chopper and Ussop were being...well...being them as usual. Luffy was bugging Sanji in the kitchen asking/whining when was lunch going to be served and in his words.

"foooooooood SANJIIIIIIIIIIIII!!" the famous straw hat captain yelled from the other side of the kitchen.

"SHUT UP YOU RUBBER GLUTTON"

Nami was focusing on the weather and the sea behavior, navigating the crew to their next destination whilst Brook was beside her asking if he could see her panties in which he received a punch that sent him flying through the ship's walls. Thus starting a fight with the shipswright that was just beside the wall that was destroyed.

"WATCH WHERE YOU LAND ASSHOLE!!!" Franky screamed out.

"Yohoho!! don't get your panties in a twist Franky-sannn"

Aside from all the chaos was the crew's infamous swordsman, Zoro whom was doing impossible training once again. Lifting weights that no humans could ever lift.

"890...891...892.."

He grunts out in training, muscles flexing, his body coated with sweat. He did this everyday at the same spot the moment the sun starts to rise until Sanji calls them for lunch. Not far from the green-haired man.....well in fact maybe 5metres away from him was the ship's beautiful archeologist Nico Robin. Seated as usual on her umbrella armchair with a book on hand.

She was wearing her spaghetti strap purple tank top that did no effort to cover her large breast and a very small tight fitting jean shorts. It was a very hot day at that, she had put her hair up in a ponytail which was rare because usually she prefered her hair down. Even though it was scorching hot outside and she could just retreat into her room where it would definitely be cooler but it was out of habit that she situated herself here when she read.

She’s elated to be where she was right now. Doing what she loved and surrounded by nakamas that accepted her, cared for her, protected her and loved her. She would give her life 100 million times over for the Straw Hats without a second thought. Back at Enies Lobby she was afraid that that they would find her a burden, a thorn in the flesh even when they proved that they will fight the whole world fearlessly for her. Comparing then and now she was flabbergasted at how many things have changed. Everyone has gotten stronger, more matured. The bond Robin shared with the crew was strong that not even God can sever it, that she was certain for.

Her mind wandered everywhere and anywhere, she wasn't even focusing on the book she was reading anymore. She summarised everything in her head with a content look on her face.

The sounds of Zoro's grunting and counting snapped Robin back to reality, her eyes diverted to the green haired crew member. Her eyes shamelessly stared at his god like body that was now glistening in sweat due to the monstrous work out he does everyday. His muscles was amazing, his abs was rock hard and his chest looked like steel plates had been implanted in him. His face was fierce and focus, never losing concentration.

Zoro was a very very veryyy handsome man, that was what Robin had always thought even when she first joined the crew. She knew he was a very powerful man and a dangerous one at that, the crew was blessed to have such interesting and indestructible members and Roronoa Zoro was one of them. He had many cons to him...well according to Nami and Sanji's list. He sleeps too much, he was too direct with his words so more often than not he always comes off as an "asshole". He drinks too much when he isn't sleeping or training and to top the icing on the cake, he couldn't find his way to the ship's toilet even if his bladder depended on it.

Robin however found him to be interesting as hell and even charming most times. How he was always the calm one amongst all of them and he was a very wise man that stick by his words. He was a strong man with honour and pride. He will no doubt be the type to keep a promise even if will be his demise. Robin didn't know she had a type until she met Zoro, the more time she has with the swordsman the larger her attraction for him grew.

Having a lover has never came across her mind, not that she wasn't interested in intimate relations before, it just never came up until she found herself glancing at him more than she should. Also the automatic position of their area happened to be beside each other every day so there was not much of a choice in that matter. She snapped back yet again to reality still staring at the handsome swordsman, she wouldn't admit it but internally she was swooning over his very very shredded body.

"Oi oi Robin, your staring is bothering me. You should read at your room today, your face is red from the weather right now." Zoro called out to Robin who was unintentionally caught gawking at him although being the dense man he was, he of course would have not though that she was checking him out.

Zoro had placed all this training equipments down and was now walking towards the self fantasising historian that still had her eyes glued onto him. He walked a few steps towards Robin and stood beside her, taking her lemonade drink right from her side table and gulping all of it down with greed-thirst sounds. This was another normal thing between them, she would have her drink but she would never drink any of it because before she could, he would always finish it up unless she had coffee. He never did understood how she could swallow the damn bitter beverage. She also was starting to think that subconsciously she would bring the drink for him instead of her.

"Zoro-kun. Sorry for bothering your training but I don't mind a little heat today and besides the weather has been quite gloomy these past weeks, don't you agree?" Robin held her face with her palm, her usual signature posture. She now sat upright never breaking her stare.

"Rain or shine won't hinder me from my training." Zoro stated simply.

"Fufufu, yet my staring has disturbed your workout?" Robin teased him.

"Tch. You've been doing that a lot lately woman." he turned his head away, folding his arms. Ever since the crew reunited after being seperated for two years, Zoro had noticed Robin's change the most. She had gotten stronger, wiser and more matured in many different aspects.

She would tease him or outsmart him in their little chats which irate the man but in a good way.

"I was thinking if I could company you on watch today if you don't mind." Robin asked hopefully.

Zoro turned his head back to her "Sure. You can do can do whatever you want woman. Let's go to the kitchen already, bet that love cook will start yelling for us anytime soon." he was already walking towards the kitchen but in a pace that told her that he would be walking with her and not just leaving her like that. She smiled and followed him.

"ROBIN CHWANNN! You're looking veryyyyy SEXYYY TODAY!! The lunch I have prepared for you today is just as hot and spicy as you are!!!" Sanji greeted Robin that had walked in with Zoro whom by the way Sanji had not scoop his share onto a plate yet. Robin smiled at the flirtatious cook.

"That's very kind of you cook-san, this looks delicious. As always your culinary skills are impressive." Robin replied politely, frankly only Robin would acknowledge Sanji's aggressively manic compliments.

"Tch. Stupid love cook." Zoro muttered under his breath which didn't went unheard by the cook of course.

"What??? YOU WANNA GO ASSHOLE?"

"I WON'T WASTE MY TIME WITH THE LIKES OF YOU"

"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS THAT ROBIN IS COMPLIMENTING ME INSTEAD OF YOU"

"WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF YOU, YOU'RE A BIGGER CLOWN THAN THAT RED NOSE BUGGY"

The fight between the two men continued while the crew watched on amused, nothing new on the ship.

"HEY LUFFY THAT'S MY FRUIT PUNCH DON'T DRINK IT"

"Cmmonnnnnn Chopper give me some, I'm lazy to go refill..."

Chopper and Luffy both had their hands on the cup that was filled with the cool drink and they both were playing tug rope with the cup and well unfortunately for them the cup had tipped and all of its contents is now spilling at the person that was sitting in the middle of them. That person was......Robin.

*SPLASH*

The room was now silent, Sanji and Zoro's bickering was on hold because of the light spill sound that interrupted everyone.

"Oh shit.." Franky muttered

The red beverage was now seeping through Robin's tank top. Her chest and thighs was now covered with the sweet drink and it was dripping. Robin looked down at her now soiled clothing.

"Oh my.." was all she said.

"Robinnn....im sorry!! I didn't..we didn't mean to ruin your clothes!!" Chopper started exclaiming, feeling guilty. "OI LUFFY! This is your fault you know!! APOLOGISE TO ROBIN NOW!"

Luffy had one hand behind his head, scratching while having a goofy grin "Sorry Robin it was an accident...please don't be mad"

"SERIOUSLY. Why can't the men in this crew behave like proper men in FOR ONCE! You guys are barbaric and I don't know how two beautiful women like me and and Robin got stuck with you guys!!" This time the screaming and yelling was now coming from the ship's navigator.

Robin wasn't mad, in fact she enjoyed all their shenanigans. The crew made life fun, they make her feel alive and everyday she will always have a smile on her face. "It's okay Luffy its okay Chopper. I will go and change into a new shirt." she said with a laughter.

"Well there you go Nami, you heard Robin. She's not mad so I don't see why you're all worked up." Franky joined in to which he received a death glare from the money obsessed pirate.

In the midst of the whole conversation Zoro had been staring at Robin's wet stained shirt accident. Everyone was too busy bickering with each other they had failed to notice that the water just made Robin's voluptuous figure even more prominent. The outline of her huge breast could be seen through the god damn tank top and the fruit punch was still dripping down her cleavage and most of it had splashed onto her thick thighs.

He didn't know what he was doing but he liked what he was seeing. Robin was a beautiful woman and he knew that. She had the perfect curves and her assets were anything but small. She had matured into a sexy woman and he could never deny that. The sight that she had unintentionally presented him with was very fucking pleasing to his eyes. His eyes glued to her soft skin and the way the water would drip down her cleavage because she was laughing and causing her chest to move tentalizingly. He knew she wasn't doing it on purpose but she was sexy without even trying. He shook his head and tried to clear the dirty thoughts that was now forming in his mind 'Why the hell am I thinking about her like that' his mind yelled at him.

"Well excuse me, I am going to take a bath since the punch has made my body all sticky now." Robin stood up and walked towards the door. Sanji on the other hand had knock both Luffy and Chopper's head while yelling something like 'Look what you guys did!' 'Robin-chan's lunch is ruined' 'assholes'

-BOOOOOOOOOMMM-

A loud crash was heard 1 minute after Robin had exited the kitchen. Zoro and Sanji both had dashed out of the door in a fighting stance-run.

"Whats' going on now!!" Nami yelled.

"Looks like Luffy fell asleep" Franky muttered in half disbelief and half lazed tone.

"ROBIN CHANNN!! ARE YOU OKAY?" Sanji yelled frantically.

Zoro had drawn his katana out ready to slice anyone whom had dared to attack their ship and more importantly Robin.

"So this is the infamous Strawhat crew everyone has been talking about?? You don't seem much if i managed to cuff your deliciously beautiful crewmate here. If i know you guys had such a sexy pirate lady, we would have attacked you sooner!" The malicious voice came from Captain Deck from the Sink Pirates; notorious for sinking every ship they come across with. He was however not interested in woman and was quick to carry Robin and throwing her off the Sunny Go to everyone's horror.

"ROBIN NNNN!!" Chopper and Nami's voiced chorus together,

"ROBIN -CHWANNNN! YOU SHITTY BASTARD HOW DARE YOU TOUCH THE LADIES OF THIS SHIP I WILL POUND YOU UNTIL YOUR INSIDES COME OUT ASSHOLE!!" Sanji shouted with fire engulfing his whole body.

Zoro of course had already jumped in right after Robin was thrown into the sea. His first priority was definitely saving his nakama. Slicing every last one of his enemy would later be the second priority. He dived deep and because he immediately jump in right when Robin was thrown in, she hadn't sink too far for his vision. She was still conscious, eyes wide with shocked with everything that has transpired. He could understand her fear, you can be the strongest fighter with the best abilities but its all over if you get thrown into the water. Her hands was desperately reaching for Zoro. She knew she was safe, drowning in the sea or not, she had her nakama protecting her and always having her back.

He grabbed Robin's hand and pulled her into his body and quickly swam back up in full speed. When they reached the surface, he found himself swimming to an island, the Sunny Go and his crewmates were no where in sight. Now he was just confused, how the hell did he got all the way here now. He now carried Robin bridal style whilst walking on shore since she was weakened by the effects of the sea water.

He lay her down on the grass part of the island and stood up to survey their foreign surroundings.

"Oi woman you okay?" he asked her with concern although he wasn't facing her. Robin who now had herself up on her feet.

"Thank you Zoro-kun, i'm better now." Robin said smiling even if he wasn't looking to see it. "However, seems like we're stranded in here. How did you find this island?" she was already walking around surveying the flowers, sand, grass and anything that might tell her where they were. He scratched the back of his head, "I don't know how we end up here, my priority was only getting you out of the sea and next thing i know, i got us here." he said with a tone of frustration.

'ara...so this is how he looks like whenever we get seperated' Robin's amusing thoughts caused her to laugh behind him. He snapped his head to her "What's so funny woman" to which Robin smile "Nothing. Lets explore this island together, i'm sure Luffy and the others are already nearby." she suggested to which Zoro just grunted in agreement.

The both of them then ventured into the thick jungle of the island.

Meanwhile back at the Sunny Go.

"Geez you can definitely count on Zoro to be lost even when the ship was right above him." Franky grumbled while the crew set sailed for the island Ussop had spotted.

"That shitty asshole took Robin-chwann away! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME THAT SAVED HER AND WOULD PROBABLY BE ON THAT ISLAND WITH A VERY WET RO-" Sanji fainted from nose-bleed before he could finish his sentence.

"SANJIIIIII!!!" Chopper ran towards his perverted nakama.

"Leave him to die Chopper, he propably don't mind dying" Nami said while shaking her head.

"YOSH! FULL SPEED AHEAD TO THAT MEAT ISLAND MEN!" Luffy yelled to his crewmates.

"Oi oi what do you mean meat island" Ussop replied, "And we can leave stupidity to our captain. Zoro and Robin are missing and there he goes thinking about food" he finished leaving Nami and Chopper nodding their heads vigorously. Luffy laughed "Don't worry! They're strong and i'm not worried."

-BACK TO THE UNKNOWN ISLAND-

"Perhaps the plants here spit poison that could kill you in a second or maybe the soil might swallow you whole the moment you step on it." Robin said voicing her thoughts outloud.

"Oi Robin stop saying things like that." Zoro chastised the historian for always saying dark things.

"Fufufu sorry Zoro-kun." Robin giggled into her palm.

"By the way......” he started “Robin,i'mgladyou'refineafter2years."

Zoro managed to choke all the words out as fast as he could. He was not one with sweet words but he somehow felt that before the seperation he was very cold with Robin out of all the members of the crew.

It had to do with the whole ‘Miss All Sunday’ business but now when he looked at her, it was as if everything in the past didn't matter anymore.Robin on the other hand was taken aback by his words, she would be lucky to get a grunt out of the swordsman but he was initiating a conversation first and to top that off, he was telling her how he was glad that SHE was okay.

"I'm happy to hear that. You've grown handsomely in two years Zoro-kun" She replied him with a genuine smile. His face instantly reddened from embarasssment. There she goes again, he thought. Always saying things like that and now he looks like a cat just bit his tongue.

"W..we..well you'vegrownbigtoO!"

Robin laughed aloud "Are you saying that i’m fat Zoro-kun?" she stopped abruptly nearly making him crash behind her.

"What!" he panicked. Now these are one of her antics to get him all flustered.

"You said i've grown big, so does that mean I’m fat to you Zoro-kun?" She asked him with an innocent smile, teasing him was her favourite things to do.

"You know what I mean woman." Zoro grunted frustratedly, face still heated up. She? Fat? Farrr from it he thought. Her figure was amazing, perfect if he may be so bold to say.

"So after 2years of not seeing me, thaaat....is the only thing you noticed? I think cook-san has influenced you abit." This has got to definitely get THE reaction Robin was waiting for.

“IM NOTHING LIKE THAT SHITTY BASTARD OF A COOK AND YOU KNOW IT WOMAN!!" Robin laughed at his predictable reaction. "I'm joking Mr Swordsman." And there the nicknames comes again, this woman knew how to push his buttons well.

Then Robin did the unthinkable, she put her hands on her waist and came closer to Zoro and with a low sultry voice with a pose that would drive Sanji into his grave from nosebleed.

"So am I big enough or is there anything else I can change....for you Zoro-kun" Robin said suggestively. She have to admit whilst she finally have people to call her nakama she needed more. She wants that intimate attention just like every woman. Intimacy wasn’t something she even had time for in the past, it never crossed her mind to romance with men. Now that she’s comfortable and know she has a place to call home, why the hell not.

Now he was just as red a beet, he didn't know why Robin was being flirty with him. She was usually the quiet one, calm, collected and only commented on things when it was necessary. Then again she was the only woman ironically that he didn’t mind invading his personal space. She and him was always in the same room in the ship every damn time and it wasn’t even planned nor did they ever agreed to always have each other’s back. He had always protected Robin, he would be there, ready to cut her enemies. Just like on sky island and fishmen island, as long as he’s around her he will put his life on the line for her

It wasn’t that he wouldn’t do the same for the crew but when he does save her, he feels something for her, he don’t know what he felt but he felt his pride and ego semi boosted from it. It was as if he wanted to impress her and show off how strong he was when she was around him. Maybe because all her life she was used to everyone betraying her or maybe she never had anyone protecting her. If she needed him to tell her that she wanted his protection, he would proudly declare that he will always protect and care for her.

Since she was graciously being so near him, his good eye clearly did not miss everything Robin had to offer. She was obviously testing the waters like this and eventhough he wasn't THAT type of man but he will be THAT if she wants it so bad. He will gladly play along with her game afterall he didn't enjoy being dominated like this.

Zoro grabbed Robin's waist roughly and pressed her figure with his hard and he brought his mouth against her ears.

"You better stop that Robin because i don’t think I can stop myself after this " Zoro growled with his grip tightening on her waist and back. That was an indefinite warning, he was ready to drop the whole ‘nakama’ thing and fuck her right there if she insisted on being a minx. Amazing that they had the whole island to themselves, amazing that his bad sense of direction got just the both of them alone, amazing that his crew wasn’t here to interrupt this moment and lastly Nico Robin was and amazing woman. His mind was flooded with thoughts of her and he thought he was going insane.

“I don’t want you to stop Zoro.” Her voice was filled with want, need, lust and when he looked into her eyes he knew that she only wanted HIM and he was the only one she trusted her body with. Right now her eyes was an open book and he could read every thoughts she had going through in her head.

Mentally he was battling a war, he shouldn’t be indulging in this but he knew he wanted this so bad he could kill someone.

“Not here Robin.” It had took all of his will power to seperate him and Robin, all that lust and need. Trust him he really wanted to take her right there and then but... “Fufufu, that’s very considerate and sweet of you.”

#Zorobin #Zoro #Robin #onepiece #strawhats #luffy #nami #chopper #brooke #sanji #smut #almostsmut #youthought #favouritepair #probswillhaveapt2 #part1 #ZoroRobin #ZoroxRobin #one piece #ootd

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aliasimagines · 4 years ago

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The Cat's out of The Bag//Jason Todd

a/n: i suck at titles 🤷🏻‍♀️. Anyway hope you like it 💕

word count: 1130 (? At least i belive so, i checked it when I finished writing it at 3am but im just too lazy to do it agian)

requested by @im-hqlover

Jason and reader were trying to hide their relationship from other people at school, but somehow someone finds out and soon the whole school know about their relationship. (Maybe kinda angst and fluff too, because I love this combination.)

It was one of the first things you talked about as a couple. One of the first 'rules' that were set in the relationship. Neither of you made a big deal out of it, Jason completely understood and was very much okay with keeping it a secret.

It's not that you were embarrassed about dating Jason. But he was very popular. A lot of people from school had crushes on him. And you were kinda okay with that, because you knew that he trusted you, that he chose you, he wanted to be with you not anyone else. But maybe some people at school couldn't handle Jason being in a relationship so calmly?

Just thinking about it made you stress. So you didn't tell anyone. Okay maybe a few closer friends knew about it but noone you guys didn't trust. And it was cool, everything was going fine.

So when you walked into school one day, only to hear people whisper behind your back and to get stared at by everyone you had no idea what could have happened.

Until some girls walked up to you while you were still packing your books in your bag from your locker.

"You're Y/N, right?" you heard from behind you. You turned around to see Becky and her two side pieces friends. You noded confused. These three were like the Heathers of Gotham High.

"Yes..?"

"Is it true?" Becky asks now louder, her words drawing more attention from the passing by students. You had no idea what she was talking about. You had no idea why she would wanna talk to you of all people.

"What is?"

"You and Todd." added Chelsea, the girl on Becky's left. "I personally don't think so."

You gasped. What? How did they know?

"Todd? As in Jason? I don't even know him.." you tried, still caught off guard. The third girl, Sarah lifted her phone and held it out for you to see. On her phone the school tumblr was opened and there was a picture of you and Jason walked out of a bookstore hand in hand. The picture was blurry as you were only lit by street lamps and the store's sign. The picture was taken last night.

You cursed mentally. Someone from school must have seen you and upload this pic to the schools social media. You felt sick. All those whispers made sense now. You slammed your locker closed and left without a word. You ran to the one place were you knew noone would disturb you. The art classroom. You practically tore the door open and fell on the floor. Fortunately noone was in. You felt your thoughts getting louder and louder. It was getting so overwhelming you wanted to scream but you just went to hug your legs close to your chest. You could have sworn that the empty and half covered canvases were mocking you while thei finished pieces just rolled their nonexistent eyes.

You closed your eyes and tried to focus on your breathing. You wish it wasn't a wednesday. Jason didn't have a first period on wednesdays. If he was here this whole thing would be so much easier. You could call him, sure. But between patrolling all night and studying for his finals in all his free time Jason needed all the sleep he could get. And he should wake up soon as it is almost 8am.

Somewhat calmer you took out your phone to maybe listen to some music that'll help you figure out how to get to class. I mean you knew you had to walk to your classroom in a few minutes but there was nothing else that you wanted to do less than that. But yes. Eventually you have to get up and go out. You bit your lips summoning all the courage as you heard the bell ringing.

You opened the door, peaking out if there was anyone on the corridors. When you saw none you hurried through the school with your head hanging low. You tried so hard not to make any noise, to sit on your chair without making a sound, to make yourself invisible. You tried so hard to focus on the teacher but every two minutes you heard someone whisper your name quickly followed by Jason's... You wished for a lifesaving bell instead you heard your phone buzzing slightly. Carefully you looked at the screen.

Jason wrote.

Quickly making up an excuse for the teacher about how you felt sick, which wasn't suspicious at all, you were out on the corridor once again.

Jason: 'I'm in the library. Can you get out of class?'

You: 'Already out, be there in a sec'

Entering the library you knew where to search him as the two of you met up there once or twice. You weren't wrong, behind a big shelf full of classic literature stood Jason leaning against the wall, clearly frustrated. As he saw you he pushed himself away from to wall and opened his arms. Without hesitation you hugged him. He buried his face in the crook of your neck.

"I am so sorry, y/n." he whispered. "I came as soon as I saw the headlines."

You pulled away so you could look at him.

"The whats?"

"Headline.. Oh shit, you didn't see? It's all over the internet. Gotham Gazette has already written a damn article about it. Bruce is making calls at the moment but..."

"Oh my god..." you panicked. Not only the school but whole Gotham knew about yout relationship now. Great, and now you wanted to cry. Jason noticed and cupped your face.

"Please baby, I am so sorry. If I could I would erase that damn picture but... Ah no... I know it's overwhelming, it's okay, if you feel like crying I've got you okay?"

You noded and hugged him again.

"It's just... I know it's stupid but-" you took a deep breath" I'm just kind of afraid..? People been whispering since I'm here and school only started half an hour ago"

You looked at Jason and it made you hurt, you knew he felt guilty even though he had no reason to do so. Shaking, you took his hand.

"Jay it's not your fault, you can't do anything about it now." you said. He bit his bottom lip.

"I know.. I just hate seeing you so hurt."

"It's so much better now that I've got you here."

"It's gonna okay. We are in this crap together, alright? There might be some people who want to have a say in about our relationship, and yes some people might look at you with jealousy because they think they ever stood a change. But they don't because I love you . No one else. "

#jason todd x reader #jason todd imagines #jason todd angst #jason todd one shot #jason todd fluff #teen! Jason todd #Behind This mask au #request #batboys x reader #batboys fluff #batboys angst #alias imagines #dc imagine #red hood imagine #dc one shot #i am so sleepy right now #😴

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lastoneout · 7 months ago

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Thank you to everyone leaving kind words and advice in the comments, I really appreciate it <3 I cried a lot and ranted with my fiance for a while about how BS this was and between that and the assurance from everyone that this is indeed the most bull-est of shit ever I feel a lot better now. I looked up the info of the place I bought my rollator at back in 2018 and they have lightweight and ultra-light wheelchairs for sale and people who can help fit you for one correctly. I'm going to go down there this weekend and see what they can do for me and how much it's gonna cost, and then start trying to get the money together to just buy one myself. It's going to be hellishly expensive but I can't keep living like this, if I have to set up a gofundme or go into debt so fucking be it, I want my life back. I want to go to school so I can maybe get a job and eventually buy a house and have a fucking kid and get married instead of just spending every single day in pain with no help because apparently disabled people aren't supposed to do anything other than lay around and suffer.

They also offer rentals so I might be able to even try one out which would be great since I wasn't kidding about that whole "there are holes in my clothes" thing I REALLY need new shorts, but yeah that's the game plan. I'm also going to dig up my old physical therapy exercises and start doing them again, and maybe try to get my hands on a second hand exercise bike so I can make sure I don't let my legs atrophy or whatever. (It's SO wild too because like, at physical therapy they always focus on building my CORE muscles, I don't do that many leg exclusive things, most of it is building core muscles and you know what fucking builds your core??? Wheeling yourself around in a fucking wheelchair. I'm not getting an electric scooter, I'm getting a manual wheelchair and using it will help with what PT already wants me to do, BUILD UP MY CORE MUSCLES, like???? Jesus fucking Christ.)

And like tbh I'm not even that upset that she said no, I expected her to say no, I'm mad that she AGREED with me TO MY FUCKING FACE and then left the room only to have some other guy come in a reveal actually she didn't agree with me at all and I'm not getting any of the things I asked for. It wouldn't have stung as bad if she hadn't gotten my hopes up. For a small moment I felt so fucking happy and relieved and then it all got dashed against the rocks. She even told me I have a good head on my shoulders about all this and have a great plan to increase my mobility while still keeping my body strong and how she's impressed I was able to do all that despite the pain I was in!! And like I was proud of myself!! I believed her!! But now I don't even know how much of that was true. It was SUCH a massive slap in the face. I cannot believe that's how they fucking treat patients. Honestly, it's borderline inhumane imo. How the fuck do they live with themselves treating people like that??

And that's my real issue, it's the fact that I'm not being treated like a person with bodily autonomy who can give informed consent. Despite the fact that they only see me like once a year so they actually have no idea what I'm like outside their office they automatically don't trust me to keep up with my physical therapy and at home exercises to keep my legs strong. They automatically don't trust me to only use my wheelchair on the days I really need it, despite the fact that I already only use my rollator on the days I need it. I'm not being treated like an adult who can make informed decisions about what is right for my body, who can reasonably be expected to do what's needed to have a wheelchair and not give up on walking forever, or at least be allowed to recognize the risks of having a wheelchair and decide it's worth it anyway. I'm being treated like a stupid child who is so lazy she'll surely give up walking forever the minute she touches a wheelchair. I'm being treated like a child who can't even be trusted to be mature when a doctor tells me no, she couldn't even respect me enough to be honest with me, she had to go get help to tell me no after LYING to my fucking FACE about her thoughts on the matter.

It's structural ableism. I'm not a person to them. I'm a stupid crippled idiot who is too lazy to do the work needed to stay healthy so I have to keep suffering and not spending time with my friends and family or cooking or going to the store or doing anything because I should spend all of my time either suffering or recovering from suffering. They didn't even have the decency to treat me like a fucking human being when they tell me they won't help me.

But that's fine, I guess. I'm gonna take shit into my own hands, just like I always have. I only hope the next person gets treated better than I did.

the doctor said no to a wheelchair in the cruelest way possible

#long post #vent #negative #personal #can't wait to tell this shit to my therapist

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misterbitches · 4 years ago

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some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying

#history 4: close to you #history 4 #li chen x mu ren #a thot

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coinofstone · 4 years ago

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5x12 The Diamond of the Day pt 1

Final two episodes! Big finale! Why am I making myself cry in the middle of the afternoon! Both eps in this post.

I do love that they made Arthur a sore loser

Enter treacherous white woman #2. Srsly it was lazy writing when they did it for Mordred, it's worse now with Gwaine.

I do love the actual Round Table war room discussion but a) why isn't Merlin seated at the round table and b) why does Leon have so much goddamn faith in Camelot's walls? Like??? You literally said the same thing last year and yet Camelot *did* fall when Agravaine brought an army through the tunnels!

Poor Aithusa. Kid's had a rough life.

I do love Arthur responding to Merlin presenting him with all his supplies ready - which he prepared without his magic mind you - with suspicion 😂

But then he calls Merlin a coward and it's sad

Katie has such a great voice. That entire thing in the cave from her taunting to her laughter to the spell, it just just beautifully played.

Whole ass battle to prepare for and Arthur is just walking around moping cuz Merlin isn't there

So, Merlin's father-vision telling him he's magic itself and he just needs to believe in himself to get his magic going again, does this mean he *didn't* need to go to the cave to get it back? Cuz it seems like he needed to recharge in the cave itself, his injuries were healed when he woke up. That seems like magic cave stuff to me.

Also that "always have been and always will be" - I'm taking to mean 'always have been' in the sense that since he's 'magic itself' even before he was born, his magic existed in other, intangible forms, like we are all stardust etc. But now that he is, he will always be, aka he will not die.

Arthur waking up with his wife in his arms and Merlin's name on his lips, jumping out of bed to act on dream-info.

Balinor telling Merlin to trust in what will be.... like bitch that is literally not how this ends.

5x13 The Diamond of the day pt 2

You know that gif of the cat knocking everything off the table? That's literally Merlin shooting lightning at everyone from his perch on the ridge.

I have a lot of snarky things to say about Merlin coming out of the cave in full Dragoon gear and riding a horse instead of teleporting like the other witches but I'ma keep that to myself.

Mordred is a bitch and Aithusa has terrible aim. At least Aithusa's loyalty to Morgana makes sense.

Arthur said oh shit I'm magic - oh wait no it's that old man again

He also straight up "No! Bad dragon!"-ed Aithusa

Y'know, for all I've watched this episode and screamed about Arthur's death, I don't think I've ever focused on the exact moment he gets stabbed before.

Mordred catches him from behind and he meets it, no fault there. But as soon as he realizes his assailant is the knight who turned on him and joined Morgana, what does he do? HE LOWERS HIS FUCKING SWORD

He leaves himself wide fucking open and vulnerable and Mordred seizes the opportunity. I understand wanting the moment of recognition for Arthur, but on what planet is a trained warrior going to drop his sword mid-attack because he recognizes his attacker as a dude who only just recently decided to forsake him? It's soooooo dumb

There was a whole sequence a few episodes back where Mordred and Arthur are sparring, the point of it was to show that Mordred has become a skilled swordsman. So what exactly was the point in having Mordred run Arthur through as soon as Arthur idiotically lets his guard down? This should've been a meticulously choreographed sword fight, with Mordred getting the upper hand and sticking Arthur properly. Not this nonsense. Look at Arthur's FACE! Oh, Mordred... 👉👈 do you maybe wanna be friends again- STAB ... guess not

Uther's been rolling in his grave but he's taking an extra tumble watching Arthur forget all his skills and training in that moment.

I do appreciate Arthur getting Mordred back though. Like that moment of merciless anger followed by the hurt and regret playing on Arthur's face, warring with surety and responsibility. It was good.

I've rewatched the big confession scene about 16 times just now.

I don't quite understand why Merlin took Arthur to the woods to begin with. Instead of bringing him to the med tent in the battlefield or back to Camelot. What was the reason?

Merlin saying it feels strange (to use magic freely in front of Arthur) and him just going 'yeah' completely deadpan makes me laugh every time.

I really feel like Arthur's head should be elevated at a further incline if he's going to be fed.

Gaius refusing to outright expose Merlin as the sorcerer but nonetheless letting Gwen figure it out on her own warms my heart.

My God Arthur is sitting there dying, feeling betrayed about his best friend 'lying' to him, and still he can't stop himself from looking at Merlin's mouth.

Percival summoned MUSCLE POWER

Hey um random but why does Gwaine even know where Merlin and Arthur are headed? Why would Gaius tell him?

Arthur looks at Merlin so lovingly after he's killed Morgana 😭😭

And now he's literally grabbing at the man's hand 😭 "just hold me, please"

That's gotta be the gayest death scene in television history. If you can watch that without thinking Arthur puts his hand on the back of Merlin's head because some part of him wants to bring him down for a kiss, or that "just hold me, please" is in any way shape or form a 'bros' thing, and certainly not at all an intentional mirror/callback to Isolde dying in Tristan's arms, then I'm afraid you are what we professionals refer to as a dumb-as-nails fucknugget, more commonly phrased as 'willfully ignorant'.

"All that you have dreamt of building has come to pass" yeah except for the whole, y'know, magic still being illegal thing.

I've said this before, but, while I'm sure there was a determined intention to have Arthur die in his armor, probably in some kind of attempt to make sure the audience knows he's died a warrior's death, I *really* think it was kinda stupid that Merlin never removed it, despite Arthur being weak, despite the fact that there was something like five days between him getting stabbed and him actually dying, despite that for the duration of that time they were traveling or hiding out. Merlin managed to produce a cloak to put on Arthur, why did he need the full armor on that whole time? Like even if they left the chainmail on, those plates on his shoulder were just getting in the way, and it looked quite uncomfortable.

Also not for nothing but Lancelot got like, every flower in the forest surrounding lush verdant greens in his death boat, Arthur gets a bunch of sticks.

It suddenly occurs to me, watching this now, that the reason Leon/Percival is such a common side pairing in Merthur fics, is because these two motherfuckers are the only original Knights of the Round Table to survive the series. 🤦‍♀️ I dunno how I failed to notice that before now. My stupidity amazes me.

I'm *really* glad they decided to do this scene with Gwen wearing the Pendragon red dress instead of the black mourning dress. Yes she looks fabulous in it but it's more the symbolism than the 'reality' - with Gwen wearing her house's colors it represents a continuation rather than a finality. Camelot will go on, Gwen will undoubtedly end the war on magic and with Morgana dead (and frankly, I think by now she already brought about the death of all the angry incel type rulers in Albion) there stands to reason her reign will begin with a period of peace, possibly longer than Arthur's. We kind of have to assume that the 'time the poets speak of' is, inevitably, Gwen's reign - which only came about through Arthur's death. It's a little bit toooo subtle in my opinion, but at the same time, I understand the need for the focus on Merlin and Arthur - after all, this show was their journey - not leaving much time to focus on Gwen and Camelot in the aftermath of Arthur's death.

I will just say, the first time I watched this that fucking truck scared the ever living shit out of me. I also just immediately, viscerally hated that scene and declared it invalid - but I think it was because the truck made me jump out of my skin. It has since grown on me, particularly once I started reading 'Arthur Returns' fic.

Everything beyond this point is post-series spec and headcanon, so if that's not your jam you can exit safe in the knowledge that as usual, if there's anything worth commenting on in the S5 extras, I will create a separate post!

For those interested, my go-to post-series fic is We Begin Again by katherynefromphilly I fully headcanon this series as the continuation of the series.

I have a lot of thoughts about Gwen and Merlin post-Camlann.

For one, poor fucking Gwen. She's lost her father, her brother, and her husband, all by what, age 30? That's rough. And who knows what happened to her mom, that was pre-series and I don't think it was ever mentioned.

Merlin, dear god poor Merlin. First of all, I just wanna say straight off that my instinctive headcanon about Merlin was that he never returned to Camelot. I couldn't really say why exactly. I just don't think he could stand being there after Arthur's death. But practically speaking, Merlin's still got Aithusa to deal with, that dragon needs some godsdamned house training asap. He's still the last Dragonlord, it's reasonable to assume he'd immediately take that on considering Aithusa is partially responsible for Arthur's death (the sword Mordred killed Arthur with, only succeeded in killing Arthur because it had been forged in Aithusa's fire-breath) so he's either going to attempt to train the bad behaviors out of Aithusa, or...well...

The only thing is, I do not believe Merlin would abandon Gwen, or Gaius. So my hc is inherently flawed. I do think Merlin probably spend a couple months with his mum, and I do think he ultimately settled near lake Avalon waiting for Arthur's return.

But I do wonder, what must their relationship have been like? Gwen, surely, would've sought his guidance in establishing laws governing the use of magic. And surely, peace cannot last indefinitely, so Merlin absolutely would've defended Camelot and protected Gwen. There's just no way he could've completely turned his back on them, but I doubt he could bear living in Camelot. And Gwen is both strong and practical enough to get on without him there 24/7, even though I'm sure she'd miss him.

I also think she would've found love again. Whether with Leon, as many people hc, or someone else not in the series.

ANYWAY.

Thanks to everyone who came on this journey with me. I will post comments on the extras if I have anything worth saying - and I think I'll do a master post linking all these episode posts after I clean them up once I get time to sit at a computer and do so. Until then! 💙💚

(Gif source) (h/t @shut-up-merlin)

#bbc merlin #bbc merlin spoilers #merlin #merlin spoilers #merthur #onceandfuturerewatch #5x12 #5x13 #5x12 the diamond of the day pt 1 #5x13 the diamond of the day pt 2 #bbc merlin 5x12 #bbc merlin 5x13 #merlin 5x12 #merlin 5x13 #the diamond of the day #the diamond of the day pt1 #the diamond of the day pt2 #for the love of Camelot

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gamegrumpiess · 6 years ago

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Sleepwalk

I was listening to Sleepwalk by Renee Olstead, and I had this idea.

Grump: Danny (from now on, most will be Danny. Unless you request someone else, which I will be happy to do!)

Btw! I'm this plot, Renee didn't write the lyrics. You did! She isn't even a singer in this universe. Just a heads up.

Y/n's POV

I can't sleep tonight. It's been a month since me and Danny broke up, but I can't help but still mourn our relationship. It was mutual, at least that's what he thinks. I would've never called it off. I was so in love with him. I still am. We told the fans, and they were pretty supportive in what we did. A lot of them were really sad, as was I. Danny is a singer just like me. I do silly songs just like him. But he encouraged me to do a cover album or a cover song. I did one album, Cover Me Up was the name. It got a lot of love, which I am very proud of.

I turn on my phone to check the time. 4:23 am. The bold numbers shine at me in front of Danny's face. I couldn't bring it to myself to change my screensaver. It's not like anyone's gonna see. I miss him a lot, every night gets harder than the last. He was my world. I've known him since senior year of high school, he was a huge part of my life. And now... That's no more. He's probably living his best life. Being Danny Sexbang and all. He probably has girls flying at his feet, throwing him their panties and offering 'the night of his life'. I understand I might be over thinking, but I can't help it. He was mine, and now he's out there doing who knows what. I let a few stray tears fall down ontou pillow. It's so lonely here at night now. I love what I do, singing, dancing, having fun. It was just so much more amazing when I had someone to share it with.

I lay my head back a stare at the ceiling. I need to distract myself, so I reach for my headphones and plug them in, looking for my Oldies playlist. I click on it and the song that comes on is Sleepwalk by Santo and Johnny. Listening to the slow beat and light guitar, I cry even more. Just my luck, huh? I can't just lay here, I really should get up and something. Writing usually helps me calm down. That's when I get an idea for a song, it's a bit sad and people will know exactly who its about. But maybe that's what needs to happen. My feelings should be out there. And if something goes wrong, I'll accept the outcomes.

I pull up my pen and notebook and just start writing.

"Sleepwalk, instead of dreamin' I

Sleepwalk.

Cause' I lost you and now, what am I to do?

Can't believe that we're through.

Sleep talk. Cause' I miss you, I sleep talk.

While the memories of you wither like a soul.

Darling I was so low.

The night fills me with blame. I see your face, tears through my brain.

I know I miss you so. I still love you, drives me insane.

Sleepwalk. Every night I just sleepwalk. Please come back, and when you walk inside the door, I will sleepwalk no more."

I immediately went to my computer set up and staring out my own little version of Sleepwalk. More of like a piano and violin cover, rather than guitar and drum. Once I had it to where I wanted the beat and rhythm, I pulled up my microphone and started singing away.

Danny's POV

This morning was the worst. I couldn't sleep at all, I've been up since 3:30 am. I guess I haven't really gotten used to sleeping by myself. Without y/n's body near mine, it's hard to even get tired. I do miss her. A lot actually. I know it was my idea to call off the relationship, but I was scared of what would happen if I didn't have enough time for her. I have game grumps, starbomb, and ninja sex party. She deserves someone who has all the time in the world to give her all the attention she deserves. When we told the fans, I didn't expect them to be so sad. I even lost a handful of fans because of it. She agreed, but I knew her better. She was on the verge of tears when she left. She was trying to be strong so I wouldn't see that side of her, but I know better than that. When she left I broke down. Gripped and clawed at my hair, cried on the edge of the bed, wondering if I had made the right choice. I big-huge part of me was telling myself I didn't.

My phone buzzes, and I see its a text from Arin.

When you get here I need to show you something.

Oh what fresh hell does he have to subject my eyes to. Last time he said that, I had to watch 12 Days Of Elves... Don't ask.

I finally arrived at the Grump Space. I see everyone in their usual area. Ryan and Matt at the computers, Ross and Barry in the kitchen making coffee, and the only other people here this early is Arin and me. Everyone else usually is a little late. "Thank god you're finally here. You haven't felt your phone buzzing?" I give him a confused look. "Other than you texting me, no. You know I have notifications turned off for my social media. What's going on?" He turns on the computer in front of us. "You should hear this before anything. I promise you, it's important." I roll my eyes. "This better not be some stupid shit, Arin!" I say with a light laugh. He shook his head, and I knew from the look in his eyes that this was in fact important.

Once the computer was fully on, he went to YouTube. Looking up y/n's name, I felt my stomach turn. Did she have a new boyfriend? Was she sick? Did she die?! I understand that last one is a bit of a long shot, but I tend to over think a lot.

A video was uploaded at 7:00 am this morning? "' sleepwalk? ' isn't that an old song?" I say confused. But I'm not all that surprised. She always did love the oldies. He nods his head. "She added her own lyrics and tune to it. And I think you should hear it." I nodded and put on some earphones, pushing play on the video. Her voices comes on, and it feels so amazing to hear her voice again. Even if it is just an intro in a YouTube video.

"Hello everyone. I had this idea for a song at like 3 in the morning. I couldn't sleep, so I made this. I hope you like it..."

The video fades to black and then it shows her at her little office space she has in her room. The music starts up, and at this point I notice her eyes. They're a little red and slightly puffy. She did a good job covering it up, but I've known her since senior year. She can't hide that from me.

She sings softly yet with so much passion and emotion. The lyrics sink in, and I know why Arin wanted to hear this. Its about me. I scroll down to look at the description and comments, and they all say things along the lines of 'I fucken sad now.' 'Wow, Danny really did a number on her' 'DANNY YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS SHIT!' 'This makes me so sad because she literally couldn't sleep thinking about him... Danny get your girl back!' 'Damn that made me tear up... '

After the video ended, I look at my phone. Y/n's face still smiles at me from behind the screen. I didn't want to change it, I couldn't do it. I felt several tears hit my leg, I didn't even realize i was crying. "Hey Dan, are you okay?" Arin puts his hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "No... I'm not at all." I open up Twitter and see thousands of notifications to nsp and game grumps. All of which telling me to see what I just saw. I stood up slowly, feeling a little disappointed in myself. How could I let her walk out of my life so easily...?

Y/n's POV

After I posted the video, I decided I should really try to get some sleep. Especially since thousands of people will blow up my phone later on. Once in bed again, I tried to think of all the possibilities and outcomes of this. It could either go really well, or go really horribly bad. I guess we'll just have to see.

I wake up several hours later to my phone ringing. The sky is still a little bright to I assume it's not that late. 'Suzy <3' shines up at me. I smile, me and her always stayed quite close. "Hello?" I try to run the sleep out of my eyes. "Hey, are feeling okay? I heard your song, and I know it's about Dan. How are you, hun?"

It means a lot that she's not just calling about GET HIM BACK! She just wants to know if I'm okay. "Honestly? I feel so empty. Luckily today is just a lazy day so I don't have to adult today. But still.... I feel lost." I hear her sigh, "I know, y/n. It sucks. But you have me! And I'm way better than Danny!" She says jokingly. "Damn right you are! I'll call you a bit later when I'm more awake, okay?" We say our goodbyes and I sit up more in bed. I take a quick look at my notification bar and just as I expected, its blowin up. 'When will I stop being a pussy?' My thoughts we're interrupted by several rings of my doorbell.

Without looking through the peephole I open the door, only to see a certain curly haired man standing on my doorstep. "Danny? What are you doing here?" His eyes are glazed over and puffy as if he had just finished crying. He looked down. "I.... I heard your song. Was it... Was it about me? I'm sorry, I just need to know. I couldn't focus at all today during work. And on my way home, I just couldn't take it anymore. I have to know." My anxiety goes up a long shot. My eyes looking at everyone but him. "Y/n... I need to know." I slowly nod my head, still avoiding his eyes. "May I come in? I think we should talk.." I scoot to the side to let him in. "I'm sorry if I caused a lot of drama. I just thought... It would be better if I just made it into a song rather than.. Just telling you." I confessed. He grabbed my shoulders. "Don't be sorry, y/n. When we broke up, and you left. I broke down. I couldn't handle the fact that I just let you go.. I'm sorry."

"Then why did you do it? Why wait so fucking long to come to my house?! Why hurt me this bad, leaving me all alone when all I wanted was you! I hated knowing that YOU let me just walk out. And you looked like you... Like you didn't even give a shit..." I couldn't help it. I let all my emotions explode on him. "Why do you think I did?! Y/n, you deserve someone who has the time for you, who will give you all the attention in the world. Someone who will GIVE you the world! I want nothing more than to have you back again, but you don't deserve someone like me! I love with all my soul, hell, I'd give up everything for your dumbass! I didn't say anything till now because I thought you'd be mad, and I thought you'd moved on, hated me even!" He was standing pretty close to me by now. "Well no shit I'd be mad! You think I don't deserve you? Bullshit! You've already given me the world and more! Don't think that I don't understand about your job because I do the same fucking thing!!! I know it's hard, but I was willing to work even harder because I love you more than life itself! I deserve you just like you deserve me!" He rolled his eyes. "You're fucking gorgeous! You can have any man you want! What the hell is so special about me?" I got in his face once again, "because you are so much better than any other man I've met! We've known each other for YEARS and you think I'd just give all that up?! What kinda drugs are you on, Dan? Do you think I'm that fucken dumb? I haven't slept in weeks because it feels so horrible not having you next to me. That's some bullshit to say that I can have any man I want. I want YOU, dipshit!" I couldn't help it, I fell to my knees, shaking from trying to hold back tears. How he say that I didn't deserve him? He was my world, he still is my world. Nothing will change that.

He walks to me, and sits on the floor with me. I feel his arms wrap around me, and I lean into his chest. "I'm sorry.. I loved you more than anything. I still do. Can you please give me another chance..? Now, I won't ever think you don't deserve me. I won't think anything like that. You mean the world to me, y/n. Please don't forget that." I look up at him, seeing his eyes filled with new tears. "Well duh, how can i say no to this face?" I grab his cheeks and smush them together and laugh. "I love you too, Danny." He smiled and leaned in and gave me a much needed kiss.

#danny sexbang #game grumps #dan avidan x reader #dan x reader #dan avidan

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otherworldink · 4 years ago

Text

Intro to "Woodworking"

Where do you go when you live in a tiny medieval fantasy village and need some basic sex ed? The woodshop apparently. Results may vary. Includes frank, if humorous, discussions of sexuality.

Read it below the cut, or continue reading on: Wattpad or Otherworld.Ink

Bren had never liked sharing personal information. He believed in the twin virtues of privacy and minding your own damn business, and he acted accordingly. Unfortunately, he'd come up against a problem that required advice. Expert advice.

And there was only one place in his backwater village he could get it.

The carpenter's workshop was a pleasantly open building with large windows that let in the light and broad double doors that could allow the passage of a finished table or bed frame. The scent of fresh-cut pine and the subtler scents of hardwoods permeated the air. In every corner there stood half-completed projects, from the disassembled pieces of little boxes to uncut slabs with measurements drawn in charcoal. Bren could even see a small spoked wheel, half-sanded—a spare for the wheeled chair Kole's father used.

Mercifully, the only people inside were the shop's two owners. The most conspicuous of the pair was Dorin, whose height and breadth led some to suspect he had a touch of giant blood somewhere in his ancestry. He sat hunched over a pair of carved wooden fawns, adding the last fine details with a small chisel.

Hale looked slight compared to his husband, but this was just an optical illusion. A point that was reinforced as the man casually lifted a slab of wood that must have weighed as much as Bren did. It was impressive, but not why Bren was here.

"Hi, Bren!" Hale greeted, looking up from examining the marks on the wood slab. "Did your mother change her mind on the dimensions for that shelf? I was just about to make the first cut."

"No, no. It's not about that. I just... I need some advice."

"Oh? Thinking of taking up woodworking?" Hale asked, half joking.

In his nervousness, Bren replied with a poor joke of his own.

"Different kind of 'wood' to be working with."

There was a pause as Hale processed. Then he grinned like someone had handed him a new chisel.

"I knew it! It's Kole, isn't it? That nice half-elf boy?"

Bren's ears burned, and his eyes glued themselves to the floor.

"It is!" Hale dropped the wood slab in his eagerness, shaking the ground on impact. He didn't seem to notice. "Tell me everything! What do you need to know?"

The excitement was not mutual. Bren had resolved to ask for help with the same enthusiasm one used to ask the blacksmith to pull a bad tooth. Mercifully, Dorin only looked mildly interested, sparing just a glance before continuing his carving.

"Look, I'm not here to share details. I just need to know how some things work, and I figure you two..." Bren glanced back and forth between the pair then cleared his throat. "Yeah."

"Right, right." Hale nodded with exaggerated understanding. "No need to overshare. ...Unless you want to, of course."

Hale wasn't the worst gossip Bren knew—that title went to Mrs. Fields who owned the mill—but Bren still thought he took a bit too much pleasure in having his nose in everyone's business.

"I just need to know how some things work."

"Like what?" Hale tapped his chin. "Don't tell me you need to know what goes where? I should have some blank paper around here if you need me to draw diagrams. I can think of a few positions that would be good for beginners."

"No! No, I already know about that stuff." Kind of. A bit. In any case, Bren didn't think his dignity could survive diagrams. "I just need to know about... logistics. Like how you figure out who, you know... tops."

It was hard to get the words out, and he regretted it as soon as he had. It felt like such a stupid question, like it was something he should already know instinctively. People certainly had their own ideas about how these things worked, but Bren and Kole were about the same age, height, and build so it was hard to say that any of the usual "guidelines" applied.

To his surprise, Dorin answered first.

"I wouldn't worry too much about that," he said without looking up. "Just see what feels right when you get to that point. You can take turns trying or, hells, even flip a coin for it. There's more to sex than putting your dick in a hole. Focus on making each other feel good, and the rest will sort itself out."

That... actually sounded sensible. Reassuring, even. Maybe Bren had been making a big deal out of nothing.

"No, no, no! Hold on a minute, babe." Hale quickly covered Dorin's ears. "Listen to me, Bren: you are at a crossroads right now. This is where you set the tone for your entire relationship. You have a unique chance to secure the best position all for yourself. You have to be the bottom!"

Dorin snorted, but made no move to remove the hands from his head. Hale ignored him and continued.

"Topping is a fool's game! If you want to feel something around your dick, you can have your own hand any time. But when you want to get fucked, what are you supposed to do? Oh, you can try certain vegetables, and I've certainly carved a few things in the right shape, but then you've still got to do all the work yourself, and-"

Dorin cleared his throat, interrupting the deluge of far-too-personal information. A mercy, given that Bren was on the verge of bursting into awkward flames and disintegrating into the floor.

"Hush!" Hale scolded his husband. "I'm passing on my wisdom. And you can't hear right now!"

He returned his earnest attention to Bren. "What I'm saying is, no matter what anyone tells you, it is surprisingly hard to 'go fuck yourself'. If you ever get the opportunity to have someone else do it, do not pass it up!"

"He's only saying that because he's lazy in bed," Dorin said, apparently giving up on withholding personal information. Hale made an offended noise.

"You! You can't hear, remember!"

Bren wished he couldn't hear anything.

"Is there anything useful you can tell me, or should I just leave?"

"Always use oil," Dorin said, finally brushing Hale's hands away from his ears. "More than you think you need. It makes everything more pleasant."

"Except for oral!" Hale added.

"Yeah. Except that."

"Okay, that's... good to know," Bren said. "So, like, the oil you use on tools, or...?"

"NO!" The objection came from both of them simultaneously.

Dorin cleared his throat.

"Ah, no. Different oil."

Hale grimaced.

"Otherwise you're in for an awkward trip to the healer."

Bren could tell there was a story there. A story he absolutely never needed to hear.

"Then... what kind are you supposed to use?" And where could he get it? Ideally without anyone guessing what he intended to use it for.

"We'll send you off with something," Dorin said. "It's better than you getting desperate and using whatever's on hand."

"Trust us on that," Hale added.

On this matter, Bren would.

In short order, the two set him up with a small jar of oil and instructions on where to discretely buy more. He also found himself holding the two fawns.

"You can pay us back by delivering them," Dorin explained. "They're for Leda on the other side of town."

"They're actually for her daughter," Hale added. "Leda hopes that if the kid has some nice toy fawns, she'll stop trying to bring home the real ones she finds out in the fields."

The palm-sized fawns were impressively lifelike: one curled flat and low like it was hiding in the grass, the other half-sprawled, pushing itself up on delicate forelimbs with its ears pricked alertly. Bren wasn't sure they'd be enough to persuade a determined child to give up the real thing, but they might come close.

Dorin offered some parting words.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just take it slow, listen to each other, and have fun."

"And for fuck's sake, let him top!" Hale added, unable to help himself.

Bren mumbled something approaching a polite goodbye and hurriedly retreated with the fawns, the oil, the advice, and what remained of his dignity.

His initial plan had been to make the delivery and retreat home to bury his face in his pillow until the embarrassment receded, but fate was not so accommodating. Less than halfway across town, he spotted Kole at the blacksmith's shop, saying his goodbyes. Bren paused on reflex, and when Kole turned away from the workshop, he spotted him.

Kole smiled—partly bashful, entirely charming—and Bren's stomach flipped.

Kole had moved into town a few months back with his parents: an elven mother and a human father who had recently survived an unpleasant encounter with a wyvern. Years ago, Hale had made a wheeled chair for his elderly aunt, and since then, anyone within a week's travel who needed one would order from him.

The family had made the journey to have the chair properly fitted and had ended up staying. Something about wanting to live "somewhere quiet" and enjoying the "lovely pastoral scenery". Which all sounded like nice euphemisms for "boring", but Bren supposed boring might be what you wanted after getting mauled by a wyvern.

"They're cute," Kole said, nodding at the carved fawns in Bren's hands.

"They're not mine!" Bren said hastily. "I'm just delivering them."

"Right." Kole's gaze lowered. "What's that?"

Bren realized, with some alarm, that he was looking at the bottle of oil sticking out of his trouser pocket. He hadn't thought it would be a problem since there was nothing suggestive about it's appearance, but he hadn't prepared for anyone to ask about it!

"Nothing!" His voice came out slightly more panicked than intended.

Amusement flickered on Kole's face, as if he could tell Bren was hiding something but was nice enough not to call him out on it.

"Who are you delivering them to?" Kole asked, mercifully turning the conversation back to the wooden fawns.

This was why Kole was the actual best. He had the decency to let things lie. (Or, at least, to let Bren lie to save some face.)

"Leda. They're for her daughter."

"Oh yeah. The little 'fawn-napper'." Kole chuckled. "Do you need help delivering those?"

"No, they're not heavy or anything." It was only after he'd said this that he realized Kole was making an excuse to join him. "Uh... I mean, you could..."

"I could carry one? In case you need a free hand."

"Yeah. That'd be good."

Kole accepted one of the fawns and fell in step next to Bren.

The two of them had been intimate before, but always alone. Bren was too much a private person to allow anything else. But when Kole casually laid a hand on Bren's lower back, Bren really couldn't bring himself to object. It felt... nice. And it's not like anyone was paying special attention to them.

Did he mention it felt nice?

Given where Bren had just come from, it was impossible not to reflect on the recent conversation. He tried to keep his thoughts decent, out of respect for the carved fawn in his hands. It was far too innocent for anyone to be having those kinds of thoughts around it.

Still, though...

Maybe Hale had a point.

#queer #gay #short story #bite-size fantasy #fantasy #writing #creative writing #original fiction

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5-seconds-of-fuck-me-please · 5 years ago

Text

I DO (PART 3)

Ashton--

"You have GOT to be fuckin kidding me!"

Rae used her pinky finger to tip down her sunglasses, staring a hole through her best friend. "Its just one really, really small favor," she murmured. "Besides, I thought you liked Ash?"

I groaned, hitting the back of my head against the car seat. "I never agreed to this, ya know!"

Rae chuckled with amusement, pushing her sunglasses back up her nose while the light turned green.

"You agreed to marry him, didn't you? Pretty sure that was at least a ten minute discussion on your part. Now you decide you can't go through with it?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose while letting out a sharp breath. " Marriage would be one thing, but this.....I never, ever, would have agreed to this."

......

40 minutes later and Rae was sitting on a couch, sipping some weird concoction of peaches, mango, lettuce, and other weirdly healthy vegetables mixed together in a blender.

I, however, was pacing back and forth in a wedding gown, veil trailing behind me like a pale ghostly shadow.

"Don't make me do this", I whined.

Rae grinned. "I offered to do it, but when the two other girls got sick, and Mikey's girl couldn't fly in...it would have been silly using 2 girls instead of 4. So now you get to do it all. Be happy! Millions of girls would kill to be in your position."

I clenched my teeth together to stop the word vomit from spewing out. Just because I was scared, doesn't mean I should hate on Rae. Right?

"I don't like cameras. I hate pictures of myself. Why would you tell them it was okay to do this with me again?"

Before Rae could answer, the door flew open. A guy wearing a gigantic headset flashed Rae the biggest, tooth-filled grin ever before flashing a clipboard at me. "Your up, doll. Your with Calum first."

My eyes went wide. "I changed my mind. I can't-..."

The guy laughed, moving to the side as Ashron strolled into the room. He nodded to the guy, and without a word, the guy backed up, shutting the door.

"We can all hear you out there, you know," he mused out loud. "Figured I should come in before you said something horrible and hurt our feeling."

I must have looked like a deer in headlights. My entire body froze, muscle by muscle. "Ashton, I really don't wanna do this."

He smirked. "You don't wanna marry me anymore?"

I swallowed. Hard. "Your asking me to marry all 4 of you. On camera. For everyone to see."

His eyes traveled down, taking in my face, neck, shoulders....

Once he reached my legs, his eyes darted back to my face. "Just be happy its only a video shoot and not for real."

That make me smile. Honest! I let out a shaky laugh. "Yeah, cause any of you would want to marry me for real after knowing me less than a day. Right, Irwin. "

His eyes did a quick travel up and down again, a lazy smirk forming on his lips. "Don't tempt me. Now, you ready to do this? Just forget everyone in the room but us, okay? Only the 5 of us hanging out, acting silly. Right? You can do this."

He waited a heartbeat or three, then frowned. "This really bothers you, doesn't it?"

I nodded slowly.

Ashton frowned, finally walking over to me. I wasn't expecting him to wrap his arms around me in a tight bear hug tho.

I closed my eyes, sinking into the warmth of his body pressed tightly to mine. His chin resting on top of my head, fingers running up and down my back soothingly.

"If you really don't want to do this, we can wait a few days until the girls get better. No one is going to be mad at you. "

I took a shaky breath, talking myself into something stupid. As usual. "I can do this. I know the video is on a time schedule. And fuck knows the fans will freak out if the video gets delayed."

He pulled back from me, arms grasping my shoulders as his frown deepened. "Don't do this because you feel oblogate to. There isn't a single one of us that would be pissed at you for not wanting to do a stupid music video with us. Fuck what the fans think. We'll say it was a technical error or something. No one even knows about you."

I bit my lip, glancing down at the coffee table to my right. " Yeah, about that...." I trailed off.

Ashton shot me a confused look before releasing my shoulders, glancing at Rae before picking up the magazine that was thrown on the table.

-breaking news- looks like the boys from 5sos are all interested in the same women. Details inside!-

He scowled, flipping through the pages until he came to the article. 27 or so pictures were taken with a crappy camera phone, showing Rae, myself, and the 4 guys at the coffee shop, laughing and talking. Some pictures had Michael dropping his arm over my shoulder. Another with Luke kissing my cheek. A few with my head on Ashtons shoulder as we looked at something...a menu maybe?

The pictures of Rae and the boys all looked similar.

"This really isn't anything new," he groaned out. "Every time we hang out with someone, there ends up being some type of scandal that we are dating them. Guy. Girl. Mannequin..." he trailed off. "Is this why your freaking out?"

I nodded. "I don't want my face being everywhere, Ash. Not when most of it is going to rip me apart for not being perfect enough."

I let out a shaky breath, not realizing how true it was until I said it out loud. Confidence...where have you gone?

"Rae, can you give us a moment?"

"Sure!"

I blinked, looking up in time to see Rae run out of the room. Ashton tossed the magazine over his shoulder, letting it land in a crumpled heap behind him.

Two large strides forward, and his hands grapsed my upper arms, pushing me back against the wall.

His lips met mine, teeth immediately tugging at my lower lip, begging for entrance.

I didn't have tume to think. Or breath. Or...anything. as fast as the kiss happened....it was over.

He pulled back from me, eyes cast down to look at my lips. "You. Are. Fucking. Perfect," he rasped out. "Don't let anyone say different. Don't let anyone get into your mind like that. "

I blinked stupidly. He was talking. I know he was talking because his lips were moving. Words were coming out. Why were words coming out?

"Are you listening to me? Do you hear anything I'm saying right now?"

"Of course," I answered. "Something about...something," I trailed off.

Gah! Brain...focus! Stop staring at his mouth!

A wide grin broke across his face, his eyes sparkling with suppressed laughter.

"You want me to kiss you again?"

"Fuck yes."

He smirked, trailed one hand up to my neck, fingers digging into the back of my hair and tugging me closer. His thumb brushed against my jaw before pressing his mouth back to mine.

......

#AshtonVibes #daddyvibes

If you want to be tagged in future posts/stories...drop a comment or PM me.

Also...I need names. I need girlfriends for the guys (not Ashton. Thats just y/n. I'm trying to do it without a name for her so everyone can enjoy in your own heads. :) )

If you have questions, concerns, comments....wanna know anything specific about me..... want me to write a 1shot or have ideas for me.... FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE!! I don't bite. ....hard. ;)

Part 4 coming up ...probably later tonight.

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