#because i am so incredibly grateful for all of you

[autumnhobbit]

Genuinely think half the problem here is a lot of parents are not in a place themselves where they can teach their kids how to recognize when something is good, and how to handle the intricacies of emotions, attraction, and decency while navigating social relationships with other people.

When I was growing up, the way adults talked about relationships, both amidst themselves and directly to me, gave me the idea that marriage just sort of happened, like it was something you tripped into without conscious choice and were now stuck with. This led to a conclusion by me that any male I met could possibly be my future husband, which colored every interaction with stress and awkwardness and fear and kept me from actually being normal around other kids, because I had artificially inserted this importance into interactions that should have just been. Well. Interactions.

Looking back on it now, I can see that every single crush I had had absolutely nothing to do with looking at another person objectively, judging their character and decency, or even seeing if I liked them; if they made me feel safe, or engaged, or reinvigorated. I only had crushes on boys who I found cute or attractive. None of those necessary thoughts ever went into it, and none of the boys even liked or noticed me. Maybe one or two of them were actually people I liked and talked to. Hindsight also helps me see that when a guy was interested in me or had a crush on me, I was oblivious to it and was incredibly uncomfortable, because we were all kids and didn’t know how to talk or act and it just came off like them showing off around me or trying to talk to me when I didn’t know them, which led to avoidance on my part.

My husband was the first guy I ever met whom I actually liked and was interested in, and he was the first one who actually seemed openly interested in me. When I daydreamed about marriage as a kid, the only thing I thought about was a boy liking me. I never thought about what I would like about him, just about being appreciated and valued myself. Selfish, right? But I was emotionally neglected and it came out as desperately longing to be important to someone. And then when I found it, I realized it naturally came with a reciprocal effect on me. I do find my husband fascinating and comforting and I enjoy his company, I want to do things with him, experience new things with him, build a life with him. That couldn’t have happened if I dismissed him right away because I wanted to avoid the awkwardness of getting to know him.

I am aware we got incredibly lucky with each other, and I’m grateful for it. But what we have also took work that we both consciously chose to do. We had the guidelines of knowing that premarital sex wasn’t an option for us, and that certainly helped. But it’s tragic to think how many people could build happiness with someone if they could just let go of their fantasies and expectations long enough to see what’s really there and what could be if there’s mutual effort. But how could they? No one taught them, because no one knew how themselves. So many families of origin weren’t formed by conscious choice but by natural consequences of behavior, even if your parents are decently healthy and love you, they might well have no clue how to navigate relationships with others.

trads who use the term "courtship" are an immediate red flag to me

[ingravinoveritas]

Babe not wanting to put more attention on this pathetic person but there’s someone here on tumblr who made a mock account of you

Hi there! I've been debating whether to address this publicly, but I received numerous DMs about this last night and have been made well aware of the blog in question.

For context: Over the last few days, the person behind the mock blog has used their main account to make their presence known on my blog, having reblogged one of my posts just to add a nasty comment to it, replying to another one of my posts and attacking my followers, and sending me a hateful Ask, all in escalating succession. This culminated in the creation of the new account last night, which had a name that was an almost identical dupe of my blog name.

To be clear, I have no intention of linking to this blog publicly, as this person's goal and aim seems to be for me to engage with them--someone I do not know, and to whom I have never spoken or responded in any capacity. It also seems that the URL of the blog has changed from being a copy of my blog name to something else, and given that I had a lot of people DMing me indicating that they reported the blog to Tumblr, my guess is that the name change is the result of that.

The only other thing that I will say regarding this is that I'm obviously not thrilled that someone created a blog for the purpose of harassing me (while ironically accusing me of harassing Georgia and AL, despite me repeatedly stating that I do not follow either of them on social media and am strongly against anyone leaving harassing comments on any of their accounts). At the same time, however, I have been subject to far worse in my previous fandom--most notably, one vile incident where someone falsely accused me of distributing pornographic material to a minor, and another incident where the same person contacted my employer in an attempt to get me fired in the middle of lockdown in 2020. So all things considered, this blog is relatively mild in comparison.

And while I'm enormously grateful for the support that I have received from so many kind folks, I would urge you to not engage with this blog on any level, and please especially do not send this person threats of any kind on my behalf. I've said many times on my blog that people are welcome to disagree with me, and that I'm happy to hear the opinions of others who do not share my views as long as they are civil and respectful. What this person is doing is neither of those things, and they've made it clear that engaging with them would be a fruitless endeavor, but that still does not make it okay to send anyone hate. And if the desired outcome here is attention, then the best course of action would be to not provide it.

Again, my deepest thanks to you @phantomstars24 and to everyone else who has let me know about the situation and offered their support, as it means more than I can describe. I'm hopeful that we can continue sharing the joy so many of us have felt over Michael and David these past few years, and leave the rest where it belongs...

[heymacy]

IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder

╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher

[shalom-iamcominghome]

How did you go about contacting a rabbi for the first time? I've found a rabbi I'd like to email about conversion, but I'm really nervous about it. I don't know what to say, what information I should give in that first email, even how to greet him. I know it's probably just my nerves but I want to get it right the first time, since there aren't a lot of synagogues around here and I don't want to ruin my chance

I'm going to refer you to this ask where somebody had a similar question (if they are reading, I hope it went well!!!). It can absolutely be intimidating, but I've found at least with my shul, that just being forthright about your intention can be very helpful. Everyone in my shul knows I'm not a jew, and that I want to be - it's something I feel strongly about not "hiding," though I did wait a bit until after services. You don't have to tell them your entire life's history if you don't want to, though, but I've found many of my shul members were... fascinated about my story and why I was there. I also explicitly asked the rabbi to not call on me for Torah reading and for anything regarding things potentially requiring a minyan, and that was helpful because I was nervous about being almost... called out, and I felt that it would be respectful. Since pesach is around the corner, if the shul is hosting a seder, ask if it's okay to show up! I think it's vital that you (general) get holidays under your belt whenever possible, and going to holidays can be a very transformative experience! This past purim made me entirely sure that this was right. Those community experiences can truly show you exactly what to expect from that community.

We often catastrophize being intrusive going to shul, but I've found that as long as you're honest, as long as you just follow that shul's preferences for non-members, they are likely going to work with you. I was so scared to be going to shul, and I totally get that. It's okay if you don't yet have the "right" things, too. I don't have my own tallis yet and don't plan on wearing it yet, but my shul has their own you can borrow, and I think it's common for shuls to have tallis and siddur and kippot you can borrow if you are planning on observing in that way.

I know this is a lot of information to throw at you, and I'm sorry about that. I, however, love shul and I want other jews-in-progress and jews-by-choice to be able to fall in love with it. Please take your time - you deserve to love shul. You deserve to love judaism and the jewish community you enter or plan to enter.

If anybody has their own thoughts, I'm sure the asker and I would love to hear it! I woke up not too long ago and my thoughts are chaotic, but I wanted to answer this speedily, seeing as shabbos is also just around the corner.

[a-story-teller]

I was in a major car accident yesterday (got t-boned) and was very luckily a) alone in the car, as the passenger side got walloped and b) not injured. However I took care of everything and then went home and proceeded to sleep for 19 out of the following 24 hours.

[rosielav]

Tomorrow is my birthday! I had quite literally the worst week of my career hours wise last week, and am really struggling to pay all my bills for the week.

If anyone would perchance like to grab a silly little one page ttrpg that features mice and puns and the power of friendship, please consider my two mouse games! They're both free+ so any sale, even $1, will help - and those small sales really add up!!

If you've had a really great month so far, and just so happen to have extra dosh laying around, please consider helping out a queer disabled autistic creator?

If you are a fan of my silly little art, please consider grabbing a drawing or a card or some stationery with some silly fun designs or one of my OCs, or one of yours, just hmu and I'd be glad to make you something for a few buckeroonies! @rosie-lav-art to see my style!

If you aren't able to help, thanks for taking the time to read all this, and I hope that you have a great rest of your week, and that something nice and unexpected happens that brings you joy :)

(other ways to support -

cashapp/venmo/PayPal = rosielav)

(PS if you've been here since my Game Gruno days, I'll gladly write you a ficlet or something silly, been a while since I flexed the ol fan fic muscle but I'd be happy to do it again to help with bills!!!)

[lillyanne4writes]

JJK/Gege Akutami appreciation post

Yeah, you read that title right. I get it that the entire fandom is upset with the latest leaks but I've seen so many angry/hateful comments toward Gege and it's making me sad. So here's a post to highlight some things I like about JJK. :)

This is in no way a complete list, so feel free to add on with your own takes too! Also, it's a long post, so I'm putting the meat of it under the cut.

The characters & their dynamics

Jjk has a huge cast, and yet every character is so unique and compelling. The reason I got into this anime (and later the manga) despite not really being into anime in general was how charming the main four characters were. Yuuji, Nobara, Megumi and Gojo immediately hooked me; I could probably watch 10 seasons of a slice of life show that's just them getting into shenanigans.

Fun interactions aside, my favourite thing about the characterisation is how everyone in this manga is allowed to have their own view on the world, especially on what it means to live a good life and die a good death. The narrative allows those views to clash without preaching about who is "correct". Characters disagree and learn from each other and their views develop organically (not necessarily in a positive direction, but always dynamically in a response to the situations they find themselves in - Yuuji's arc on how he views himself and his goals comes to mind). That stuff is really hard to write.

And it's not just the main cast either. The supporting characters are very memorable too; even minor ones have distinct personalities and clear motivations and often a backstory to explain why they are the way they are. My personal favourite background characters are Mai, Noritoshi and Tsumiki.

The worldbuilding

Can we talk about how creative the concept of curses and cursed energy is? Negative emotions accumulating into physical manifestations of things that people fear, hate, etc. is a hell of a cool idea. This is why the curse villains are my favourites in the series: from Mahito as a representation of the worst of humanity in his childish glee and sadism and cowardice to Jogo's philosophy of curses as "true beings" because they don't hide their nature and Hanami's almost sympathetic care for nature are all interesting explorations of how we view the world around us that would not be possible in a different kind of magic system. Add to that the array of creative techniques that sorcerers possess, the cursed objects, and the grade system that conveniently allows us to keep track of the danger levels of all this - you get an impressively complex magic system that still remains understandable (and fun to watch even if you don't want to keep track of the nitty-gritty and are just here for the spectacle).

Not to mention that jujutsu society is, well, a society. We get a sense of who the powerful and the oppressed are in this community, how their powers factor into that, how different characters feel about this, what they are doing to change it or on the contrary, to keep the traditions going... Every character exists in the web of a clear power structure which they interact with, influencing it and being influenced in turn. This results in a super interesting dynamic where certain characters can be enemies one moment (for example when the Kyoto students try to kill Yuuji during the exchange event on Gakuganji's, and by extension the higher-ups' orders) and allies the next (when it's time to pull together against a curse).

I'm reserving my judgement on the plot, themes and overall character arcs for now, because those things can only be really analysed once the story is complete. But even if I'll be unhappy with the ending, I'll still be very grateful for this unique world and its loveable inhabitants.

Of course, you might disagree with me on all this, and that's fine. Dropping the manga because you don't like the direction the story took is fine. Choosing to live in fanfiction delulu land is also fine. Gritting your teeth and sticking it out till the end despite disliking the plot because you're too invested to quit is also fine. Criticism and jokes are fine. The one thing that isn't fine is hating on the creator for the way they are choosing to tell their story.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Tl;dr: If you're upset about the direction JJK is taking, please try to remember why you cared so much about it in the first place. And remember that Gege is just a person sharing a story with us, and disliking someone's story is not an acceptable reason to hate on them.

[good-beans]

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[aurosoul]

officially at the Big Anxiety stage of career success. wondering when this stops being as bad 😔

[undermostcorgi]

very quick and not quite my best but yesterday was kind of osiris's bday? so heres some strange sad (slightly erotic??) art of him based loosely on some vent art i made a while back :) i like to put this boy in situations. if you couldn't tell

[mysecret-hideout]

.

[goldkirk]

oh man, owning a body is way scarier than being in one while not owning it is

[myfirstandlast]

going through answered asks from when i was 18 wanting to hold myself so tightly

[fappellmoan]

i mean it’s just kinda crazy cause. and forgive me if i sound somewhat spoiled here but. this trip im doing to take more credits and get experience and make connections etc is obviously expensive and i talked abt it with my parents. a lot before trying to do it. and somehow my dad didn’t understand that yk we would have to pay for it. ??? and is putting me in this spot of ‘figuring out what we’re gonna do about it�� and it’s like dude. i mean i’m going i paid for my fucking flights you know i’m. regardless i’ll be there. and i make $10/hr i have not been able to work consistently and when you don’t have thousands and thousands of dollars just sitting there accumulating more interest it doesn’t fucking last. like what exactly do you want me to say? i’ll drain all my accounts and give what little i have to you? tldr my main point here is the only way this man truly shows any kind of affection is through money and since he fucked me up im glad to take advantage of that lol like why wouldn’t i. so to have it thrown back in my face is just um an awful feeling. like im not even worth this to you. this is just too much. it truly does feel like someone put a number on love and im just not up there

[septembersghost]

🎵 🎸🌠💖 don't fly away my beautiful bird 💖🌠🎸🎵

(aka pretend EP is actually in this because i was crying too much to get his face at the end, but look!!! my beloveds)

[void-kissed]

echo, i just wanted to come in here and wish you a happy holidays... we've been through a lot together, haven't we? i'm glad that through the year we've grown closer- i find i've come to love more about you everyday. i know that may sound cheesy, but... it's true. i really am grateful that we met each other, because i know that i wouldn't be the same without you- nor would i be as happy as i am. and i want to savor the happiness in our moments together today, so... i hope that you'll stay by my side in the coming years.

-pyra

Pyra!!!!!! Aaaaah!!!! This is so so cute of you to have said, thank you so so much!!!!!! You're just so so sweet - I love you so much, and this was so lovely of you to have said to me!! Of course I'm going to stay with you!!

(I have absolutely no idea who sent this. I think this might be the same person who's going around some others as well, based on format. Regardless, whoever it is that sent this - thank you, so so much!!!!!!! I am seriously going to treasure this, because it is absolutely wonderful)