#because i already did it once and that is an accomplishment i'm still really proud of

[ken-dom]

Ken’s First Orgasm

Ken x reader

1.1k words

Summary: Since Ken entered the real world, he’s been experiencing some… feelings (AKA a good orgasm might calm him down)

Author’s Notes: It’s smutty, it’s tongue-in-cheek, it’s a little bit silly… just take it for what it is, enjoy the Kenergy and have fun 🩷

This was my first Ken fic, originally posted to my main blog under the title 'Ken's First Time.' Due to a tagging issue on my main, I'm reposting my works here to have everything in one place.

Warnings/content: NSFW, 18+, first kiss, first orgasm, making out, dry humping, hand job, gn!reader, Ken’s self doubt and nerves (and crying)

‘I’ve been getting these… urges, like, there’s something stirring deep inside me that I can’t seem to tame,’ Ken uttered huskily, fingers toying with the hair by your ear. ‘I think it might be because I’m craving… this.’

Biting his lip, he stared deep into your eyes, the heat of his gaze dropping down to your lips before slowly leaning in.

When you followed his lead, breath quickening as you tilted your head, he faltered, pulling back with a quiet growl and balling his fists in frustration.

He had hung on your every word all day, never taking his eyes off you for a single moment. And you’d noticed the way he lit up every time you looked at him… but now, you began to wonder if you’d done something to put him off.

‘Ken?’ you breathed carefully.

‘I- I’ve never…’ he hesitated.

Oh. That’s all it was. You dipped your head to meet his sparkling eyes again.

‘You’ve never kissed anyone?’ you asked gently, lifting your palm to rest softly against his handsome cheek.

Ken cleared his throat and forced a smile. ‘I’ve tried. Lots of times.’ He lifted his chin with mock confidence, as though trying to kiss was some sort of proud accomplishment. ‘You know how it can be.’

‘It’s alright,’ you soothed, rubbing your thumb soothingly over his cheekbone. Your mind raced with what else he probably hadn’t done either, the thought causing heat to pool at your core. ‘We’ll take it at your pace.’

The silky tone of your voice and the comfort of your words made him feel… dizzy? He blinked his gaze away, blushing. Feeling it again. That pull of something deep in his gut that made him want to submit himself to… whatever it was his body was craving so much. Damn it, he really needed to just get over it and kiss you.

You smiled warmly, leaning in again with pause enough to allow him time to decide. To your delight, he pressed forward, lips crashing soft and wet against yours, and as you parted your lips to encourage his tongue, he moaned loudly into your mouth while his fingertips drove hard into the flesh at your waist.

Lost in the intensity of the moment, it was suddenly hard to remember to breathe, his needy whines and desperate grabbing clouding your thoughts, causing your legs to tremble, but eventually you pulled away, panting.

‘Wow, Ken… that was-’

‘Terrible! I mean, you… you were great. I had no idea what I was doing. I'm not made for kissing, I’m only good at Beach.’ He shook his head, frustrated. ‘I shouldn’t have- mmh!… mmm…’

You shut him up instantly, diving back for more and inadvertently pushing him to lay back on the bed. You straddled him naturally, conscious thought still lost in the haze of excitement.

‘You- you liked it?’ he breathed huskily as you pulled up to get a look at how pretty he was, breathless with anticipation beneath you.

You nodded, humming in approval. ‘And it feels like you did too,’ you smirked, grinding down against his already aching erection.

The noise he made was unearthly, a growl and a whimper and a groan and a desperate exhale all at once. The pressure he had been feeling there released ever so slightly with a small pearl of precum, affording him a moment of bliss between the aching neediness.

You stilled, worried you’d hurt him somehow, but his eyes widened revealing pupils dilated to the size of dinner plates, and you realised it had been a sound of pleasure, not pain.

‘What… was… THAT?’ he cried out breathlessly. ‘That felt incredible! Sublime! That’s it! That’s what I’ve been craving?! Do it again? Please-’

The last word tapered into a whine as you rolled your hips to grind against him again, and he flopped down onto the pillow, eyes rolling back with overwhelming sensations he couldn’t find the words for.

‘Ken?’ you asked softly, leaning down, ‘you’ve never had an orgasm before have you?’

He shook his head.

‘Do you want to?’

He couldn’t catch his breath and his reply came out as a husky whisper. ‘Will it feel like that again?’

‘Better,’ you grinned wickedly.

‘Oh fuck, yes,’ he mumbled, not even realising he’d sworn. ‘Please.’

You leaned in to kiss him again, igniting the flames inside him that had been roaring since the first time you held his hand. Ken moaned in anticipation, closing his eyes tightly, composing and preparing himself.

You rocked your hips only once more and he exploded, fists bunching the sheets while you continued to writhe against him, his back arching off the bed and tears prickling at his eyes as his orgasm tore through every fibre of his being.

It was like nothing else. How had he never so much as wondered what this would be like until he had entered the real world and discovered human feelings and thoughts… and needs.

His chest heaved as he came down from his high, lazily lifting an arm to rest over his forehead in complete surrender while he tried to claw his way back to the present, with you.

When he opened his eyes, he was met with you smiling down at him, nothing short of smug.

‘Was that- did I-?’ he stuttered.

‘You sure did,’ you panted, heart pounding and heat rushing down to keeping your own arousal simmering. God, he was a picture, mussed hair and pink cheeks and heavy eye lids.

‘Oh… oh, that was, it was-’

You chuckled, climbing off him to settle at his side, where he turned to face you.

‘Should I have… you know? Was there something I didn’t do? You didn’t…’

The concern in his eyes was endearing, but you laughed again and he relaxed. Another tear slid down his cheek as you caressed his arm tenderly.

‘Don’t worry, Ken, we have time for that. I get the feeling you’ll be great at… doing stuff. Besides, that wasn’t quite the whole thing. I’m glad it felt good, but there’s a lot more I can show you. If you want me to…’

Ken snorted a disbelieving laugh. ‘Well, good, because these urges I’ve been getting? I think they might have actually been for-’

‘Orgasms,’ you interrupted with a smirk. ‘Yeah, humans tend to get that a lot.’

‘I’m not surprised! How do you get through the day without doing that at regular intervals?’

You laughed, gently wiping the tears from his cheeks. ‘It will calm down when you’re a little more used to it. In the meantime… let’s make the most of your libido, yes?’

‘Absolutely,’ he agreed eagerly, as though the word libido meant anything at all to him. Nevertheless, he was as eager as anything for another round.

‘I’m going to start undressing you this time… if that’s alright?’ you muttered seductively, kissing at his collar bone while your fingers toyed with the buttons of his shirt.

‘Of course. You don’t have a body like mine for nothing. Well, I suppose it’s main purpose is for Beach, but-’

‘Ken?’

‘Yeah?’

You didn’t use any more words, and he suddenly lost all concept of his own thoughts when your hand slid inside his beach shorts.

‘How does this feel?’ you whispered as your fingers wrapped loosely around his thick length and pumped slowly, lightly. You didn’t want to overwhelm him too soon.

‘R-real- f-fucking- oh!- good, hnnng…’

[hxney-lemcn]

Hope Reignited — botw! Link x gn! reader

summary: being forgotten hurts more than you'd like to admit, but Link won't let you think that way for much longer.

tw: mentions of injury but not described.

a/n: I FINALLY THOUGHT OF SOMETHING RAHHHH! I'm really proud of this ngl.

wc: 1.1k

Master List

Part One | Part Two

A frown tugged at your lips as you wrapped the bandage around the blue eyed hero’s bicep. When your eyes had first landed on him for the first time in a hundred years in Kakariko, you thought that you could handle all that was thrown your way. You had already failed to defeat Ganon and had been put into a deep century long sleep while your princess kept the evil at bay the best she could. If you could live through that then surely a bit of memory loss would be easy…If only. 

Even with your memory being a bit spotty, you were in a far better space than Link. You had felt like you regressed to the days you were first serving her royal highness. Your mannerisms that had become soft had turned professional, as every time your care had peaked through he seemed uncomfortable. To him you were merely a stranger who was helping him accomplish a goal, and you had to continue to remind yourself as such. But it hurt. It hurt so badly. Even if you couldn’t fully remember the moments you shared with the champion back when things weren’t so dire, you could remember how you felt about him. The warmth, the love, the tenderness. You didn’t care back then if it was merely platonic, as you felt grateful you could stand next to him at all. Now you questioned if you should even do that.

You paused your ministrations as Link winced, you didn’t realize you had become so lost in thought, soft apologies falling past your lips. Lessening the pressure of the bandages, you tightly tucked it into place, making sure that it would stay in place. You could feel those piercing gem-like eyes watching your every move, but you made no move to acknowledge him, instead opting to put the medical supplies back into your satchel. Link hadn’t made you carry much due to his Sheika slate, but you had always made sure you carried the basic necessities. You never knew if you’d be separated from the hero, for one thing or another. 

“Wait,” Link whispered, his hushed voice washing over your form that kneeled in front of him. You looked up at him in concern as he didn’t talk often, and when he did, it was of the utmost importance. “You’re hurt too.” Your eyebrows furrowed, unsure what he was talking about as you don’t recall getting hurt in your previous battle…only for all thoughts to be squashed as his calloused, yet somehow soft hand cradled your jaw, turning your head so he could get a better look at whatever wound he found. 

“I didn’t feel any blood,” You murmured back, trying to ignore the way your traitorous heart skipped a beat or how your breath threatened to hitch when his thumb rubbed at your skin. 

It was moments like these that felt the most painful and confusing. Did he remember your past more than he let on? Or perhaps even without the past, his feelings still bleed through? Was this merely friendly? Was this only because you were comrades in arms? Could you let yourself hope once more that his feelings toed the line of romance? You felt like a joke, like an utter fool as Link took out a spare cloth and dabbed it with clean water. You were here to fight the calamity, to bring true peace to Hyrule instead of the false sense that consumed the land currently. So why, why were you more concerned with the way he tenderly dabbed away dried blood you had missed when your concern for him outgrew any for yourself. 

By the Goddess’s, you were a servant of Princess Zelda, a confidant and entrusted with accompanying her hero to save the world, not fluster and become shy like a schoolgirl. You bite your lip when he finally pulls away, looking proud of his work, only to scan the rest of you to see if there were any other offending wounds. 

“Thank you,” You sigh, feeling tired from both the fight and your emotional turmoil. “But that should be all. I apologize for any concern I may have caused.”

Link’s eyebrows furrowed, a pout making its way onto his lips. Cute. No, bad. You’re not supposed to be indulging in these childish feelings. 

“Please stop talking like that,” He nearly whined out, causing your eyes to widen. He fell from the stump he sat on to kneel in front of you as well, taking your hands in his own. “We used to be close before, right?” The look of uncertainty and insecurity that splayed on his face led you to believe he still hasn’t fully recovered his memory, but perhaps hints from your own actions and the places Impa had instructed you to visit had helped bring at least an inkling of his past back. 

“Yes,” You agreed without a beat, subconsciously squeezing his hands. “But I didn’t wish to overwhelm you, or force you into something you couldn’t even remember.”

“How long have we been traveling together now?” Link asked, a small grin making its way onto his face. “Even if I wasn’t slowly regaining my memories, haven’t we made enough to consider the other as a friend?”

He was right. Of course he was. You had already trudged through the rainy Zora domain, worked to fight the Lynel and save Mipha from the evil that overtook Vah Ruta. You had soared through the skies of Rito village, climbing snowy mountains and nearly freezing to death as you waited with baited breath for Link to come back from freeing Revali from the evil in Vah Medoh. You were currently on your way to Foothill Stable, you both more than ready for a nice bed for the night. You both had laughed and cried, tended and be tended to, you were so blindsighted at not being weird, at keeping distance that you missed the giant sign of Link trying to take care of you as much, if not more so, than you took care of him. 

You closed your eyes feeling mighty frustrated with yourself at the moment, “I see.”

Link let out a small laugh, finally standing up to his feet and effortlessly pulling you up with him. He bumped your shoulder with his own, eyes filled with joy as you smiled back, feeling ten times lighter at the new revelation. You bumped your shoulder back into his as revenge, Link merely pulling you with him towards the vague direction of where the stable should lay, hands still linked together the rest of the way.

[pedripics]

Pedri via Residency - May 28, 2024

What is something you still want to accomplish in life? - " A lot of things. I am still very young or do you already want to kill me?"

Favourite teammate at Barça? - "I am close with the group in general but Ferran"

Do you play any instruments? or would you like to learn how to play one? - "Better not for the sake of the rest of the people. I like to listen to music but not much else" Favourite series or movie? - "Mi reno de peluche and the one about chapo guzman; favourite favourite is Prison Break and La que se avecina"

Do you know anything about Armenia? - "not too much, to be honest… but recently a very nice driver took me to a shooting was from there. His name was Ara"

Favourite moment of the season? - "It wasn't the best season. On a personal level, I would say the brace."

How do you deal with criticism? - "I try to stay out of it, although it's not always possible, of course... you have to try and keep going and keep believing in yourself"

How do you feel about being able to play for Spain after such a long time? - "Very happy. I haven't been able to play for Spain for a long time. Hopefully we will have great EUROs and also a great 24/25 season with Barça"

How did you feel after the brace? - "crazyyyyy"

"I always try to stop and sign, because I remember when I asked for signatures as a kid"

Plans for the summer? - "I hope to go on vacation, but in a month and a half… that will mean that we go far in the euro with the national team"

Have you eaten German food before? - "Yesss... a member of my marketing team is German and he made us German food a long time ago, with sausages and so on"

How is your English? - "I still have to improve a lot. Give me a few months and I will answer in English"

Do you miss doing anything in your daily life? - "I can't complain. I like to live in peace"

Would you like to go to China? - "Of course, yes. Althpugh in the season there is not really time for anything and during holidays I prefer to stay close and rest. Let's see if we ever have a tour in China"

How many trophies have you won? - "With Barça, La Liga, Copa and Supercopa"

Do you feel ready for the EUROs? - "Siiii"

5 UCL Trophies or a World Cup? - "I don't want to choose. I would like to win it all"

Would you like to play against Portugal in the EUROs final? - "Sure. As long as we play in the final, I don't care against who it is"

Pele or Maradona? - "Maradona... Because he played for Barça and my father told me about him when I was younger. I remember the day he died very well because it was my 18th birthday"

Have you been to New York? - "Yes"

Favourite team to play against? - "Obviously Barça" (he did NOT understand that question lmaooo back to duolingo it is)

Visit Uruguay? You have a lot of fans here - "Ronald also told me once... We'll have to listen to him, because otherwise he gets angry"

How was it going to the Spanish GP in 2022? Are you going this year? - "It was a crazy experience. I don't think I can go this year because it clashes with the EUROs"

Do you like going to concerts? - "I haven't been to many, honestly... I have yet to go to one of Quevedo's. And last year they invited me from Spotify to see Coldplay in Barcelona but in the end I didn't go and I regretted it a little. Teammates went and they love it" (who tf turns down coldplay tickets??? 😭)

Your dad is a great person. - "The best"

How do you feel about receiving so much love? - "Very proud and privileged"

Do you want to score for Spain during the EUROs? - "Clarooo. Let's see if I can make it happen, because I haven't scored for Spain yet"

Red or blue? - "Azulgrana"

Do you like to cook? - "I'm not very good at cooking... My brother and mother are much better"

Pedri or Pedro? - "Pedri... Pedro sounds strange to me. From a young age they already called me Pedri, because there was another boy in the team whose name was Pedro and it was to differentiate us... and everyone calls me Pedri"

What do you think of Alexia, Aitana and Marta? - "They are top footballers!"

Is it difficult to have a 'normal' life? - "It's not easy, but mine doesn't change that much because I really like to be quiet and at home"

Only fish or only meat? - "I prefer meat... but for nutrition, fish"

When you were a kid did you make trouble in class? - "I was more of a quite kid"

Who do you think will win the Golden Boy award? - "Well, I hope a Barça teammate. Lamine, and if not Cubarsi"

What inspires you to perform at such a high level on the field? - "I do what I like the most"

What do you think of your season at Barça this year? - "I was saying this the other day. It hasn't been an easy season and I hope the next one will be much better in every single way and we will win titles"

Have you ever wished to have a sister? - "My mother always wanted to have a daughter, but in the end she had to settle for Fer and me hahaha"

How do you feel for the EUROs? - "Very good. Better and better"

Blue or Black? - "Blue"

[rekino2114]

Random texts they send you with p.e.g ladies

I already did this with drdt, and I liked it so I wanted to do it with more fandoms

Cassidy amber

Pro gamer gf🕷🎮❤️:my chat doesn't believe you're real

Y/n:What?

Pro gamer gf🕷🎮❤️:I was telling them that I had a partner and no one believed me

Y/n:And what am I supposed to do about that?

Pro gamer gf 🕷🎮❤️:isn't it obvious? You need to come here and prove them wrong

Y/n:cass, it's almost midnight it's a miracle I even picked up. I'm not gonna go to your house

Pro gamer gf🕷🎮❤️: come on please It's gonna be a short stream and I have pizza,soda and the sleeping schedule of a streamer on my side

Y/n:Fine but you're gonna have to cuddle me to sleep

Pro gamer gf🕷🎮❤️:of course consider it done babe

Wenona

Y/n:Hey Wenona do you know why I just received a notification that you sent 500$ to my bank account

(Not) my Sugar mommy💸💛: oh that, a few investments went well and I wanted to send some cash to you

Y/n: But don't you need that money?

(Not) my Sugar mommy: baby please that's not even a fraction of what I make in a month.

Y/n:And then you wonder why people think you're my Sugar mommy

(Not) my Sugar mommy: Can't I just spoil you once in a while? Also, what did you have me saved as in your phone again?

Y/n:touchè

Diana venicia

Beautiful beautician🦎💄💜:Y/N,Y/N,Y/N you won't believe what happened.

Y/n: oh what is it babe?

Beautiful beautician🦎💄💜:a really famous actress just entered the salon after she had a make-over she told me she loved it and that she was gonna recommend me to all her friends.

Y/n:That's amazing. I'm so proud of you, Diana

Beautiful beautician🦎💄💜: Oh no, it's not my merit. I just did my job

Y/n: Don't sell yourself short. Your makeovers are amazing, and I speak from experience

Beautiful beautician🦎💄💜:thanks so much sometimes I need the reassurance

Y/n:I'll reassure you every time I need to cause I love you

Grace madison

Hot angry golfer🏌‍♀️🐰🩵:I swear the next time I see that gremlin I'm gonna kill her

Y/n:What did toshiko do this time?

Hot angry golfer🏌‍♀️🐰🩵:she was going on about how I never do romantic stuff for you she said you're gonna break up with me if I continue

Y/n:I would never I know you're not the romantic type but I still love you

Hot angry golfer 🏌️‍♀️🐰🩵:you better not if you dare break up with me I'll kick your ass now, come over here, and I need to calm down

Y/n:sure babe

Eloise taulner

Y/n: sweetie, when were you gonna tell me that you won a tournament

Cute swordgirl🤺🦢🤍:Oh, it wasn't that important. I thought you wouldn't care

Y/n:Eloise whatever you do is important to me if you told me i would have cheered you on

Cute swordgirl🤺🦢🤍:you really would have done that?

Y/n:of course I love you and I want to celebrate all of your accomplishments.

Cute swordgirl🤺🦢🤍:thank you so much I really love you too

Eva tsunaka

Pinocchio gf🤍🖤: I would like to go on a date with you because I was feeling bored. Are you busy?

Y/n:are you lying right now?

Pinocchio gf🤍🖤:no I'm not

Y/n:but technically couldn't that also be a lie cause of your ultimate?

Pinocchio gf🤍🖤:babe we've already been through this I will only be truthful with you and i will ever lie to you

Y/n:Thanks I was just joking I'm gonna come right now

Pinocchio gf🤍🖤:ok but can you stop with that joke it was getting annoying

Y/n:that means you love it and I should continue it!

Pinocchio gf🤍🖤: can you hear me sigh through the phone?

Sorry I can't think of anything for Ingrid and I know this sucks

[dreambunnynotes]

daily reflection: nov. 16th ❤︎

good morning lovely friends! here is what i accomplished and what i could have improved today, to hold myself accountable. it was really effective for me to know that i had posted my goals list on tumblr yesterday where others could see it; whenever i felt like giving in to my adhd brain that tells me that tasks are to be feared, i would simply remember that i had kind folks online who were interested in seeing me succeed hehe, it helped me so much! here is my first day ❤︎

accomplishments:

i completed all of my cleaning goals and more! it turned into a deeper clean than i thought it would be which felt really nice (and is usually how it goes once i get cleaning). it's so lovely to be able to start fresh with a clean working and sleeping space; it's so much easier to feel inspired, be productive, and take care of yourself when your environment is as ready for you as you are for it!

i wasn't going to complete all of my texting and calling tasks, BUT I DID! these types of tasks are the hardest for me to get done because i have pretty intense social anxiety and rejection sensitive dysphoria, and communicating with others both online and offline takes a lot of mental preparation and energy for me. but i did it, and i am so, so proud of myself! in fact...

self-compassion:

not only did i accomplish my original communication goals, i also ended up replying to two friends i hadn't seen in a long time, even though i was anxious! both of them were at my sister's show last night and i was so surprised to see them and a couple of other friends that i had to go have a bathroom cry from the anxiety lol. i had so many emotions coming up; the first was sadness and shame seeing that they had all come in a group together and that i wasn't with them. i joined them two seconds after i saw everyone, but the sadness was still there because i was positive they would have invited me into the group earlier if i had been less isolated this last year, which is where the guilt came in. i realized i had been isolating from my friends for so long out of fear that i wasn't wanted, didn't provide anything to them, and that maybe i didn't have people i liked being around after all, but that is so, so far from the truth; i do have friends who love me and who i love, and all of them were so loving, so kind, and actually sent me messages after the show telling me how much they loved me and how happy they were to see me! it made me cryyyy and feel so many feelings. i have plans to see them next week, and i actually feel like i'm overcoming my isolation era at long last; i'm really proud of myself for having self-compassion and using tools i've learned in therapy to better my life! :')

my next step is to learn more about and overcome this shame i have around letting my friends love me for who i am; the only way to learn more about it is to actually make plans to see friends and be vulnerable; wish me luck 😭💗

improvements to make:

as for my other tasks; i cleaned out one of my emails, but i have so many email accounts that it felt a little bit lacklustre to call that an accomplishment. today i'd like to break down how big the task of consolidating my digital life will actually be so that i can take measurable and consistent steps towards completing my goal (writing that sentence is baffling me right now - bunny from a few days ago never would have realized how much writing out her goals could help her in being less afraid of them! this feels like a huge accomplishment for my adhd brain!)

today felt like a really successful day, and i'm super proud of myself! this was only the beginning of what i actually want to accomplish in a day, but it was such a great way to try it out. i'm excited to see where this journey takes me and how these daily checklists and reflections will affect my productivity; they already have helped so much! if you've made it to the end of this, thank you for taking the time to read about my day, it means so much to me! lets try our best to have another successful day! ❤︎

[lutethebodies]

The Boys Are (Tactically, Therapeutically, and Non-Lethally) Back In Town

So I know I just made a big whiny deal about trying to make LTB less of an "all-men-all-the-time" corner of BG3 Tumblr, but contradiction is balance, I guess? Seriously though, this multi-Tav run starring three of my Elite Eight (plus a new guy who's seen relatively little screen time) has a real purpose: treating my latest—and most chronically severe—case of restart-itis. Since there's a bit of background and most people won't care, I'll keep the (very text-heavy) rest below the cut.

I've noticed that my restart-itis happens when IRL freelance-design-work sits fallow between projects and when I'm waiting for the next BG3 patch to drop. Ahead of Patch 8, this has been exacerbated by completing the game with a second Tav (because yes Olini finished, modded with her original Horizon Walker subclass, and escaped Faerun-Groundhog-Day for retirement on Shadowheart's farm).

It's also manifested here recently with a few playthroughs that have been excellent for screencaps but (for whatever reason) not compelling enough to totally follow through once I've explored their initial novelty:

Cannor's 22nd run, my first on Tactician (stalled at the créche)

Oops All Elf Ladies, a multi-Tav with Minthara, Kagha, Florrick, and Naoise (stalled after saving the grove)

Wood Elf Minthara (aka Morenthara) with hired gun Fauxrin (human Orin), stalled on Day 3

The latter two remain interesting and I'll surely revisit them (for obvious thirsty reasons), but I feel like I've been neglecting a few non-BG3 creative projects I'd like to do this year (not to mention my first fic that may or may not happen), so I need to place a lot more friction on my BG3 hours before it takes over my life the way it did in fall 2023 when I was stuck at home recovering from Covid.

That's where my boys come in. They're ideally gonna impose friction in this playthrough by helping me take on three concurrent challenges: 1) managing romances for four separate Tavs, 2) trying to go through the game with Non-Lethal Damage always on, and 3) doing it at Tactician level, which I've only tried once before. Three tall orders, to be sure, so there are caveats related to each one:

Couples Therapy

Four separate romances is a nightmare to manage. I mean, the last time I tried this I had to make a spreadsheet. It might require lots of party-switching while each guy takes his respective date (Cannor/Minthara, Ruy/Lae'zel, Farago/Shadowheart, Daven/Karlach) out and about to get to know each other better (aka flagrantly mine approval).

This will ideally impose severe limits on what any given adventuring day accomplishes, and might even help me impose a sort of "one in-game day per IRL day" rule on my BG3 time. "Couples Therapy," then, but for my video game addiction and not for my pixel dolls' well-being.

No Needless Death or Cruelty

Non-lethal damage won't help me 100% of the time, of course—for plot reasons some enemies can't just be knocked out—but given the above romance details this will probably be a grove-saving and not grove-raiding run. So Cannor doesn't get his on-screen night with Minthara, but that's been visually buggy for me for a while now (weird torchlight glitches effectively black out much of the scene) and he'll be reduced to a wingman for all of Act 1.

That's fine because this'll be his 23rd escape from the nautiloid, and for a silly reason this might be his last run before retirement (saving some photo-mode excursions): 2023 was the year I released my mandocello-music project of his seven best songs, an accomplishment I'm still really proud of.

A final note on non-lethal damage: it won't apply to undead, because I've always feared and loathed those monsters and, well, they're already dead. Destroy them with fire and radiation! That might become an issue in Act 3 with the 7000 vampire spawn, but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.

Tactician, For Real This Time

Cannor's 22nd start introduced this to me—in a slightly modified form where I didn't disable Free First Strikes—and I'd had more downed characters more often than ever before. Death is relatively gentle in 5e/BG3, but for obvious reasons it's still a bit stressful, so trying Non-Lethal at this level of difficulty is gonna require much more stealth/subtlety.

That'll manifest in each character's build: Cannor will be Lore this time instead of Swords, so he can focus on control spells and be the "mage" of the party (Gale, Astarion, and Wyll likely won't see much use, if they're recruited at all). Ruy and Farago will need more face skills to mine approval, so their ability scores will shift a bit (and Farago will revert to his 5e class of Rogue, trying to get as close to his 5e Scout subclass as I can). They'll have modded camp clothes galore, and four chests to hoard with, so trading all that extra gear for supplies instead of killing for gold might help too.

And new guy Daven the paladin (more on him later, perhaps) will change from his 5e build of DEX-based Oath of the Open Sea to a more conventional Vengeance/STR build. That'll beef him up a bit (allowing me to use Body Type 4 for the first time as I don't really prefer to play Big Dudes), but it'll balance Karlach a bit so that's fine. He'll still use Umberlee's dye, though, because ex-pirates who target their erstwhile shipmates must maintain some standards.

Speaking of pirates—finally, it's not that big of a deal but I justified the all-straight-male run to myself with one very flimsy caveat: when Patch 8 drops, Zafraia the Bandit is waiting in the wings to swash every buckle from Ten-Towns to Athkatla, and coincidentally every other character of mine waiting to play their original 5e subclass (conveniently included in the next patch) are all women: Sianed the Stars druid, Vashti the glamour bard, and Qiranna the hexblade warlock.

So an all-female multi-Tav run will balance out these boys eventually, but for the next several months this blog might be Very Dudely. Thanks in advance for your patient indulgence.

[nimblermortal]

I am not going to write this

Father showing up to a queer meeting to tell the organizer, "I know I cast you out because of your sexuality and your complete failure to amount to anything, but I can see you've really got something here. I don't know... what it is, or why you're doing it, but you've clearly built a cult of personality around yourself, and that's what we strive for in this family."

Organizer going, "I don't need your approval and that's not what I'm doing here, these people are my family!"

and the dad going, "yes, of course, I know, and as you know lieutenants are always invited to Thanksgiving."

"Dad, I'm not using these people!"

"Well you SHOULD!"

"WHAT is the POINT of a cult of personality if you're not using people?"

"THIS IS WHY I STOPPED SPEAKING TO YOU"

"WELL WE'RE SPEAKING NOW"

"BECAUSE YOU BROKE THE RESTRAINING ORDER!"

"ANYTHING THAT EASY TO BREAK DESERVES TO BE BROKEN! I see you're still throwing your life away - total waste, do you have ANY IDEA how many GHOULS YOU COULD ANIMATE?"

"I'M NOT GOING TO ANIMATE GHOULS!"

"I MEANT YOUR HARVESTED LIFE SPIRIT!"

"MY HARVESTED LIFE SPIRIT IS NOT GOING TO ANIMATE GHOULS EITHER WILL NOBODY CALL THE POLICE?!?"

"I NOTICED your life spirit is not animating anything, and I'm here to CHANGE that!"

"Ugh, Dad, again with the death threats."

(The death threats are in fact a de-escalation, for a family of necromancers. They're mostly prodigies, but Uncle Monty had been dead for twenty-one years before he took up painting and now look at him! He did my wanted poster just last week!

[Sure he had to ascend from ghoul to lich before he could begin, but we don't talk about that accomplishment.]

"Uncle Monty was allowed to take up painting because he'd already met family expectations by becoming a lich! His paintings are mediocre and he gets decaying flesh in the macaroni!"

"Which is NO way to talk about your elders!")

There is definitely an, "I am so sorry you guys had to see that" in here somewhere.

The dad is legitimately bad news, just not for raising the dead and terrorizing the city - it's a combination of the emotional abuse, exploitation, and the undead labor violations. Not that necromancy is prominent enough for there to be an undead labor movement as anything other than kids being rude at the dinner table, it's just that the dad intends to disrupt the industry by introducing undead workers

"Which is SLAVE LABOR, Dad, they laid Aunt Annie to rest, not to pick packages for Amazon."

"Are you telling me Uncle Monty is performing slave labor?"

"Of course not Monty, dear, why he killed his reanimator and we're all very proud"

"And I bet you haven't once considered what all the displaced workers will do when their jobs are taken by ghouls."

-----

I got deja vu* from typing, "The queer organization is completely distinct from the necromancy!" to Patrick - this was all just entertaining the both of us as I cleaned the bathroom - and he pointed out that there is historical precedent for queer people supporting labor movements, so, you know, a few slogans to end on:

*Lord forgive us our accents as we forgive those who...

LESBIANS AND GHOULS SUPPORT THE MINERS

DEAD MEANS BED

[muskmelon-enjoyer-199x]

self portrait except it's 2013 and they're making me take antipsychotics for being trans

unpleasantries under the cut

something I don't talk about a lot is that I used to enjoy singing when I was younger. I didn't really talk about it then because I already got enough shit. I don't really talk about it now because I don't really like singing anymore. Anytime I try to sing along with something now, i just get sad. even if I plug my ears, I can still feel it in my throat.

Sometimes I wonder if things would have been different if my parents had actually given a shit. The difference between photos of me at 15 and 18 is so stark. They could have done something.

I haven't told them (and I probably won't), but I kind of hate them. It feels stupid sometimes, because I didn't get disowned. They didn't leave me out in the cold when it came to finances or housing. They actually want to see me sometimes, and they say they're proud of my accomplishments.

I guess the problem is that they have never been able to support me emotionally. I tell them something is wrong, and they tell me it isn't. I tell them something horrible is happening to me, and they tell me it's not that bad. I tell them somebody did something horrible to me and now I have weird recurring nightmares, and they tell me to get over it already. I almost died of something that wasn't my fault, and they were mad at me for it.

Being around them usually just feels like being around strangers nowadays. I feel bad saying that, but it's true. I wish they would just apologize so I could have some closure about what happened and get on with trying to maintain what remains of our relationship.

I posted something else about conversion therapy before, but I freaked out and deleted it.

It was about how negligent and malicious misdiagnosis are used to medicate the trans out of kids in places where outright conversion therapy is banned. They basically zombify you on tranquilizers ("mood stabilizers," "antipsychotics") that legit break your brain. It really sucks.

You end up a twitching mess with long-term sleep problems, sexual dysfunction, and trouble organizing your thoughts. Then, once the damage is done, everybody pretends that you actually were insane the whole time. If you complain or struggle in life, they just write you off as a diagnosed headcase.

It's so frustrating. I feel like I drift between being sad and angry all the time now. I watch shows I like, and they make me sad. I just think about various bad things that have happened all the time. Everything reminds me of them. I can't go a day without thinking about at least one of them. When it happens, my heart starts pounding and sometimes I hyperventilate.

I don't really like being around other people usually. I don't feel like we are the same species most of the time.

I keep feeling like im watching my day go by from inside my eyes. When I look at my hands, it's like looking at someone else's hands. Sometimes I look in the mirror and it feels like I'm looking at someone else. I've watched my reflection for hours before, trying to make it feel like me the way I rationally know it's me.

I cry in my car after work a lot. It's hard to hold it in when I'm there. Idk. It's like I can't usually cry at appropriate times anymore, or when I feel like I want to cry. It only happens occasionally, and never at an appropriate time. It just comes out of nowhere, because of a song or something dumb like that.

crybaby bullshit. Sorry. I was a crybaby before lil peep got it inked on his face

[pbandjesse]

I am just finishing up at the museum. And I'm really tired. But thankfully not in the same way that I have been the last couple days. Honestly I didn't feel amazing this morning but I got better throughout the day and just doing all right by the time I had to be at the museum this evening.

I slept okay last night. I had some very distressing dreams. And I woke up not in the best head space because of it but I didn't feel as weak and nauseous so I was emotionally in a better place.

I got washed and dressed and James made me the hash brown from yesterday but with an egg this time. And I ate downstairs before we got ready to go. I made sure I had my knitting with me and we said goodbye.

No one was there yet. Not shocked. I spent a little while just looking at emails and thinking about stuff. And figured out a few things I can accomplish tomorrow. And I would start working on my knitting and watched a video and waited for everybody else to come in.

We had a meeting at 10:00. Well it was scheduled to 10:00. And people slowly started coming in around and I was very proud of us because while we did not start attend we did only start 10 minutes late. Which for camp is amazing. And I brought my knitting so that I could focus and not look at my phone touring the entire meeting. And I think I can for a meeting that lasted 3 hours.

And I felt like it was a really productive meeting too I think one of the problems. Is that me and Sarah are not in Friends of putok so we don't go to the meetings and we don't know what has been tried and what hasn't and the problems that they're running into. So we spent a good amount of time explaining or at least having notes read to us on what they are trying to do in the future and some of the changes and improvements and things like that. And some of my suggestions were taken positively and some of them were like well there's this this and this reason we can't do it. And I felt like that was perfectly fair. And I thought that it was really good the steps that they are trying to take. But this organization is going to have the same problem that every organization has with getting young people to join. what is the benefit to them. I don't think it's appropriate for people to volunteer at a place they work at so I don't think we really should be looking to people that are staff members. There are lots of organizations that are great but it is very hard for people to justify putting the time in when they're struggling to make end meet.

But I got four squares of knitting done and I felt like it was a good conversation and I was not feeling amazing so I had to put my head down on the table a few times but we sat outside and the weather was really nice and I thought it was a good time.

I had already told them I needed to leave at 1:00 and we were wrapping up around then so I didn't rush to leave but once I felt like we were in a natural stopping place I gathered my stuff and I headed out. And honestly I timed this very well. I would stop at Hunt valley and get you poly to have half for lunch and then save the other half for dinner. And I got a salad which I didn't love the arugula textures but it's fine. I still enjoyed it.

I had that in the parking lot and then I went home and honestly got home at the perfect time because I was so tired. I would wash my face and get changed and lay down and slept until 4:30. I struggled to fall asleep at first because I kept thinking that I heard something downstairs but if it just the construction came across the street. And I would sleep pretty good honestly. I like to sleep across the bed when I take a nap and on top of all the blankets. But it was a good rest and when I woke up at 4:30 it took me a minute to gather myself but I felt okay. Better than I had felt this morning.

I still have plenty of time before I had to leave for the museum so I would take some of my zofran and had the rest of my Chipotle and laid on the couch and waited for James to come home. And when they did I was very happy to see them.

But sometimes they just get this nervous energy about them and it's just stresses me out. Stop hurrying around the room acting so distressed over very small things. Just handle what you got to handle and stop making me upset. But they calm down and everything was fine. And then I got a notification that I had new test results in and we got to find out that our little baby is going to be all. It's like 97% chance I guess but a little girl! That's so exciting. Feel very very real.

Sammy and James got to be a little excited about that and then I was giving them a hug and it was time for me to go.

I was looking forward to this event tonight. Hospitality industry professionals and just a whole lot of people and not a wedding but an event but not like a true corporate event. Like yeah it's corporate but like a little more fun. And like 500 people were coming so it was going to be a really busy night and all the galleries are open and I just was very excited. So I get there and I jumped in right away to helping Merrill with the TVs because I just learned how to put things on them so I was able to help with that and then I would go and set up my Chase for printing for the evening. I checked in with one of the event organizers and she was really jazzed about it but also like had no notes so I just got to make what I want to and everyone thought it looked great.

people start coming in about 7:15 and every single person I talk to was so great and they all loved me which was awesome. And I was feeding off that energy so I was having a great time and I haven't given a tour in months so I was a little nervous about it but people said I was super animated and had so many good facts and I was just loving printing and talking and it was just really a lovely evening. And I had more people come in than I have in a while for any gallery so it was very nice for me.

And we were in there for a really long time. Like two solid hours. I did take a 5-minute break to go eat some of the caterers focaccia bread because it's my favorite thing that they make. And I had some fruit and cheese. And then later on when they brought desserts out I would also have little tiny fried donuts with cream cheese frosting. Everything was excellent. Like zephyr is one of our best caterers but specifically tonight the food was very good.

By the end of the second hour we were just having too much fun and started making custom ones for people. I was making people's names and I made 10 prints for a company that was there this evening as part of the event and we were just having too much fun and people were making videos of me printing and I make a very funny face when I am pulling a print that I already knew I make but it is funny to see on somebody's Instagram. And I had a couple people follow me on Instagram. And it was just so fun. And then around 9:30 we started shutting down. The party's only going till 10:00 and so I turned off the lights and locked door and got one more little snack and then it was time to go.

And now I am home. A little nauseous but probably I'm just dehydrated. I'm going to take a shower and go to sleep. I got inside and gave James and sweetp hugs. Sweetp is trying to bite my feet which is very rude.

But now is time to get clean and get rest. I love you all. Sleep well. Until tomorrow!!

[expirisims]

Hello All!

So...I've been on a bit of a hiatus once again! I have been super busy in my personal life as always. I am hoping to get some play time soon, I've been really itching to open my game especially while my manuscript is still with my betas for a few more weeks. Anyway, I have some plans!

For my Sims game, I have been really wanting to make another world, or maybe more...I don't know, I'm too indecisive. I have been toying with the idea of making a roadless village type island, possibly resurrecting my old Pickerling Cove world I started ages ago and did not complete, and a new idea that ties into my real life a little bit. I started a world years ago and it corrupted so it was never completed, however, I found some of the old builds for that world from before the corruption that I have tested in game. I'm thinking of remaking the original concept and using those old builds where I can. Some of them unfortunately will be quite impossible to use because of the terrain, however, I am wanting to incorporate interiors that I am planning to make in 1/6 scale for my little one's doll town. Yes, I have an entire hidden doll city planned in our playroom...and I've been watching too much Youtube in my free time lol! Anyway, I'm thinking that building the various cafe's, apartments ect in Sim World will help me make design choices for the compartments I have planned in the window seat, coffee table and bookshelf in our playroom.

I have also started sewing some clothes for my kiddo's dolls because we have mostly rags left over from my childhood, modern Barbie clothes are simply not the same as they were when I was a kid and let's just say it's a good thing the majority of my kiddo's Ken dolls have molded on underwear! That being said, I would love to share pictures with you all, but I don't want to clutter up Simblr's with non sims stuff so I am planning to open a second page for sharing my crafts! As long as Tubmlr still exists that is.

I know this is already long, but I wanted to at least share my last played day in Redwood Harbor (from months ago) below the cut as I haven't shared pictures in a LOOOONG time! Thanks for sticking around to read this and I hope everyone is doing well! Now on to the pics!

I don't remember exactly what was going on, but I do know that Antonio is still working nights and Joanna is getting VERY pregnant so once I get back into game she may go into labor by the end of this rotation!

Woohoo! Jody has learned to walk! I'm going to be honest, the Sims toddlers wear me out so I have never really tried to get their skills accomplished until my Redwood Harbor save, lol! Quite proud of my little sims!

Looks like it was off to the winter festival the next day! Antonio works nights and Joanna is on maternity leave already...aaand of course, they left Jody to fend for himself while they went ice skating!

Left over salad it is for dinner...Joanna what are those shoes you're wearing with that outfit!!??

OMG!! Really!!?? I'm pretty sure these two are going to break up again so I'm not sure how this is going to work out!

Time for bonuses! Better luck next year Joanna, maybe you won't be on maternity for most of the next year so you can progress in your career, fingers crossed the sims in this save seem to be very fertile.

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE playing this save?

[beevean]

Anyway. Any thoughts on Mathias? :) Maybe on ships in wich he is included? :)

Wasted potential.

Which I guess makes him ripe for headcanons! :P

So I'm approaching him as "Dracula if he pretended to have morals" lol. These are my rough guidelines on how I imagine him, obv before Elisabetha fell sick.

He was your typical hypocritical Catholic man. Apparently this is not as popular of an interpretation as I thought? Fans mostly think he was already going through a crisis of faith? I don't know, his whole "how dare God hurt me after everything I did for Him!" smacks me of a fake devoted person who only pretends to believe in God in the hopes that things will go well for them. He talks a lot about God and his faith... but his principles fly out of the window when a cute sinner kneels in front of him :P also, you know, the whole alchemy studies? Not very Christian of him.

He's prone to extreme bursts of emotions. Call it flanderization, but I just couldn't resist the idea of him falling into depression once he's forced to accept that yes, Dracula is him.

He's as stubborn as a mule and very good at ignoring things that aren't convenient to him (see: how he dodged Leon's question "is this what Elisabetha would have wanted?")

He values people mostly as what they can give to him. He's trained to distinguish between knights worthy of being in his company and knights who are just there for the family honor or money.

He loves Elisabetha and Leon more than his own life, literally the only two people in the world he'd trust his life with.

He's extremely proud of his accomplishments as a tactician. Therefore he has a bit of an inflated ego about his intelligence :P

his type of man is "pretty boy who can obliterate my entire ass" lmao. not surprisingly, in my fic he mainly focuses on hector's hands and scars because for him they prove how good of a fighter he is. (he's not as attracted to the scars inflicted by his future self though hehe :))

As for the ships, well. I wouldn't even know how to explain how I fell into Mactor hell lmao. This post explains it better than I could: it's about the transient love that they both know will not last, because Mathias is doomed to become a monster and no one knows how much of him will remain in Dracula, but that doesn't erase how important that experience was for both of them. (yes your fic about Mathias asking to be scarred still lives in my head rent free why do you ask) also, crispin freeman

We didn't really think about Maac lol. In my fic Isaac hates Mathias' whole guts because he doesn't see him as Dracula and he's actually disappointed that his Lord started out as a weak, emotional human. Maybe he's just copying Dracula's blatant disdain towards his past self :P but I suppose that, if Mathias was forced to talk to him, he'd see that underneath his abrasive personality there's a boy who only wants to be loved by his Master... and maybe if they could warm up to each other, who knows?

Macula, I'm still not into it because self-cest is not my thing no matter how far you push it, but there is a valid story to be told about self-hatred evolving in self-acceptance.

Maleon, well I love that Mathias seriously expected Leon to follow him in immortality lol, man just wanted his bestie for the rest of his existence :( But I haven't seriously thought about their dynamic and what they'd like about each other.

and Malter is very underrated lmao, love the idea of these two bastards playing mental chess with each other. also, walter as foreshadowing of what mathias will become <3

[jackiewepps]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

Oh my! This is a hard one! I have so many works. How can I pick five?I guess I can list a few, and since I can't bring myself to rank them, let's do it in cronological order, the oldest first.

Free Parenting 2015 (AO3 2016)

The story just means a lot to me. I came up with it together with a friend, and it triggered a whole series. It is obvious that this story is eight years old at this point. My understanding of the English language and the Japanese culture has developed a lot since I wrote it, but I'm still proud of what I made, even if reading the mistakes now makes me cringe, it's only because I care. That I came up with that AU and all the conflicts that would come from this setting is still beyond me.

Hotel Room Fantasies 2017

This is still my most successful one-shot ever. Of course, it is BL, so that makes sense. Still, I once again managed to pull off exactly what I wanted. My intentions with the story was that the reader should not be able to tell whether what the boys do is actually happening or if it's just something going on in Serinuma's head, and I think I accomplished that really well. I really want to say I did it to perfection, but I also don't want to praise myself too much, but oh well. The numbers speak for themselves when it comes to this story.

Ace of Chatrooms 2017

My first chat-fic and my most successful one (of two). I remember that I only wrote this story because I wanted to try and write a chat-fic, and before I knew it, I had written half the story and it wasn't about to end anytime soon. I have no understanding of English chat-language and therefore did not use it. As a result, it probably feels less realistic, but everyone can follow it easily. It also has a lot of my humor in it and it is one of the fics I will sit down to read when I feel down and need something to laugh at. I've already read it more times than I can count, and the sequal too. When the Daiya anime continues, I'll probably write the third part of this series, but I definitely need the material to base the chaos off of before I can unfold it again.

Danger Zone 2021 (Title might change)

This story is probably the most complicated one I've ever written, and not because I find the plot too complicated. It's mainly the storylines. We follow quite a few characters throughout the story and their stories are all connected, not just because they know each other, but each minor plotline has an impact on the overall story. I'm proud of how it turned out. I still call it my masterpiece. I mean, it took me two years writing it and only half a year publishing it. That part is bittersweet, but I'm proud of my work and I enjoy going back to read it.

I Will Go With You 2021-2022

So much research went into this story. I did the same when I wrote Figure Swimming, but I still did more research here. I wanted to make the snowboarding seem realistic, and I wanted all facts about Canada to be as accurate as possible. There were a few problems, as it is not known exactly where in Canada Langa is from, except they don't speak French there. But I looked into how long it would take to travel to Canada, how to get in, what kind of food is traditionally Canadian, the school system, and of course everything worth knowing about snowboarding. On top of that, I feel like I managed to flesh out my original characters really well. I still have art of Louis and Lian that I don't think made it unto any website. I also think I managed to make Langa's grandparents into more than just some stick figures, and the same with Erica. I managed to include all the scenes I had in my head and make an interesting story. The only thing I'm sad about is that even in my story Reki can't win a race. Good thing I'm playing with the idea of making a sequel to this story too.

Honorable Mentions:

Imagination (2016) because I like that I managed to come up with it and execute the idea that well.

Figure Swimming (2017) because other people tell me I got the characters' personalities really well (and it was the first work I did a lot of research for).

Dumb Luck (2022) because it marks my "dark age" of realism. I also personally think it makes sense in spite of me not using the names of the main characters of the story.

Knights and Princesses (2022) because the scene on the bridge came out just as I had intended it to.

I know I was not supposed to list this many, but with a total of 88 works on AO3, there is quite a lot to choose from. I also would have liked to mention a few more, but I guess I'll really have to stop myself at this point.

[bungacow]

Nostalgia: The Past, Present and You!

If you were born after the year 2000, you are sure to be familiar with the phrase "We did that back in my day!" coming from people a decade or two older than you. I know I've definitely gotten that line from my mom more than a few times. "So those are making a comeback huh?". "What do you kids know about (thing from the 90s or 2000s)?". It's only natural for older generations to be protective of their experiences now that almost anyone has a way to live them years later. I'm sure when I'm in my 40's I'll be a real geezer about kids wishing they were teens when TikTok was still a thing but for now I'll be rolling my eyes when a middle-aged man asks me if I know what a cassette is.

What really takes me out though is when kids my own age try and hit the old "Back in my day". What are you talking about!? It's still your day! These are your days! "Gen Alpha doesn't know what it was like to blah blah blah". Do you hear yourself? You aren't even 20 yet you sound like you're already rotting away in a retirement home! You're lucky to have the privilege of sharing your golden years in the light of the youth who have come after you. Each new generation is a gift and should be welcomed and taught, not shunned and gatekept from.

That being said, my favorite pastimes as of late have been doing things that my parents would've done when they were my age. Such as burning CD mixes, watching old TV shows, and listening to the old CDs they keep in their big black binder thingies. Even the creation of this very blog was inspired by an old man's blog from 2013. Old people are really triggered by the word "old". It's because most of them see the word as an insult, a threat to their youthful spirit. "That movie's not old! It came out when I was in high school!". The movie came out 30 years ago babes, it's old. Being old isn't a bad thing and neither is getting old. I'm lucky to have a dad who loves being old. He encourages and appreciates my love of older things and has gifted me many artifacts from his youth (Thank you once again for the Saw DVDs).

As much as I'd like to say I'm not scared of getting old and that I'm above all of those vain concerns, I'm not. I worry just as much as anyone does about my future and how I'm going to look back on myself in the next decades. Will I be proud of the things I've yet to accomplish? Will I be a bitter old crone who'll do anything for a taste of her golden years? I don't know. Nobody knows that kind of stuff. The best we get is the chance to do what we can in the now and boy do I intend to. It seems like everything I do nowadays is for my future self (Except my complete refusal to save money responsibly).

Currently, I think culture may be at a bit of a standstill as most adult-age consumers are more focused on what they used to have rather than what they do. It seems like every ad, every movie, every show is playing on some kind of nostalgia. Shit, I'm watching TV right now and they're playing Friends reruns from 20 years ago instead of making new shows with new writers and directors. In the future, I want to make a show of my own and I'm scared that I'll have to fight just to get a word in over the sounds of nostalgia dollars hitting the big exec's floors. So many people have amazing fresh new ideas that just need the time of day to take off but they're being turned away or canceled after a single season in favor of the same four shows over and over again. Getting media based on an original concept feels like winning the lottery.

I know it sounds ridiculous coming from me, the girl who just two paragraphs ago was talking about how much she loves old things, but that's the beauty of living right now. I can have everything that came before me and everything that will come after. I can watch Saw five times in a day and then watch I Saw the TV Glow. There's no law saying it has to be one or the other. New and old can coexist comfortably so long as there is a proper balance and everyone gets their fair chance. The old stuff has had its time to shine, let the new stuff get its moment in the sun before you cut it off and show the same four episodes of Frasier on loop.

Anya out. xx

[high-sun-phoenix]

17 Chez 1472

Dearest Quamas,

Hi! I miss you buddy, it's been so long since I saw you last. If memory serves, close to three? decades now? time flies, it feels like a lifetime ago.

There's so much to catch you up on, I don't know if I have enough ink with me to do it all at once. A lot can happen in 28 years. Some bad, but many good! And many more unbelievable.

I finally made it out of the underdark! It took me the majority of the time since you've been gone to do it, though, and it wasn't all by myself either. I ran across a whole variety of people, most of whom were hoping to kill me, but I found a handful who were as lost as I was! Not all of them are with me anymore, but I remember them too. Let me tell you all about it!!

It took me some 27 years of stumbling from one cavern to another, tunnel after tunnel after tunnel, to find someone who wasn't an underdark native. Her name was Cordelia. I was walking, mindlessly following a tunnel, when I heard the softest sobs from the top of this boulder in a larger cave. There she was, this scary dwarf lady who was mourning the loss of her own friends in solemn silence. She was in a lot of pain, you didn't need to know her to know how much she cared about them. Poor lady was very on edge, she must've seen some shit. I didn't get to learn much about who they were to her and what their names even were, she was pretty out of it and quietly mourning. Didn't stick around much, but she made me feel not as alone anymore, just by virtue of knowing someone else is in the same boat as me. Don't know what happened to her, she just picked a direction and disappeared down a tunnel, but I hope she made it out. I really really hope she did...

Anyway, the rest of them I ran into after Cordelia skipped out and we became friends super quick! There are three of them: - Vavřinec is the one I spend the most time with, mainly because our skillsets and interests seem to line up in the right direction most of the time. He's also the only other elf! But not the same elf as we are, he's different. We were told he's from the plane of the fey - I mean, look at that name. Funny thing is, he doesn't remember anything about it either. Mysterious! - Cyrwin is probably the most interesting person I've ever gotten to meet, and I feel thankful for having met him. He was chosen by an illithid while we were in the underdark and since then he's been paying the price. I can feel the conflict behind his deadly eyes - all four of them! I would love to pick his brain more, I think we can both learn a ton from each other. - Ukamar is the last and also the biggest one of the bunch. A tribe of giants raised him in the underdark, so a lot of his abilities were limited when we ran into him, but he's come a very long way since! I'm very proud of him, he has a lot of potential still. Cyrwin legally adopted him not long ago, so they're technically father and son haha.

They've been my family away from Weirglen. I've only known them for a handful of months but already trust them all with my life. I wouldn't have been able to get outta the caves without them, wouldn't have found the Codex Terragnosis, wouldn't have been granted my most sacred of titles. I really do owe them an inconceivable amount of our recent accomplishments, and oh how grand they are! I only wish you were here to hear the tales of them.

Long story short, not long after meeting them, we found ourselves on the shores of a vast underground ocean, called the Sunless Sea. Thanks to you and Valna, I got to making a boat for us and we were sailing before we knew it. We must've been on the water for weeks, if not months, and it wasn't a relaxing journey either. The dark seems darker and lonelier when you're afloat and directionless... Anyway, along the way we happened upon a lone Kuo-toa (some abomination of a fish person) who called himself Shuushar and claimed he could "just feel where we need to go, man", and the crazy thing is that he was totally right!! He taught me sailing and navigation, and took us to his home village - which then promptly got demolished by a demogorgon, killing everyone and leveling it to the ground - before we got to run away and set sail again. I saw Cyrwin's faith shine very bright that day. He asked, and Mystra delivered, an Angel to guard her chosen while he escaped. I never believed much, but he makes me feel a different way about divinity, I can't describe it. Anyway.

Remember the mountain dwarves that lived in the Earthfast? I never thought I'd say this, but they are like angels compared to the dwarves we ran into in the underdark! They lived in a city they called Gracklstugh and kept their forges warm by the power of an imprisoned red dragon. The stuff of the legends, they were, some could control the world around them just by their minds. We just kinda found our way to their docks, made some trade and hired a caravan to escort us back to the top. Not after stealing the dragon's egg first though!! I have no idea why we felt compelled to do it haha but the feeling of getting away with it really is something I've never gotten to feel again since.

Our point of exit out of the underdark was somewhere in the western parts of Faerun and we never strayed that far. We sold the egg to one of the churches of Elturgard and got a couple dozen thousand gold and a large plot of land in return, which we then built into a small settlement that we named Everspring! I took inspiration from the fountain at home and made a few ever-flowing hotsprings around the keep, hence the name. Then I took a few months off and paid a visit back home. I wish you were here, bud, Weirdglen just isn't the same without you... Your parents and Valna really miss you, but I'm sure you've gotten to talk to them as well. She's helped name a tree in your memory, you know! But I'm sorry that I took so long to reach out, I really am; but I'm glad we are here now.

Anyway, when I got back, I found a tree that had awakened and was patrolling some area around our forest. He didn't wanna talk, but he showed us the way we were meant to go: further in. He led us to a cave that was home to an impossibly ancient creature, one made of time and history itself, a crystalline dragon, the Keeper of Time - Adodatus. It was with his blessing that I came to be the guardian of the Codex Terragnosis, and oh what an honour that was. But alas, there were more important matters to which we were needed to attend.

We found ourselves involved in some politics, and made our way to the great city of Baldur's Gate, and it was awestriking! I had never seen that many buildings sprawling so close next to each other, not even in Tsurlagol! Truly one of the most magnificent sights of my travels. It was a shame that we witnessed an assassination and uncovered a large cult operation under all that glory. We infiltrated their lair and a ruthless battle ensued. By the power that was entrusted with me, I invoked the wisdom of the Codex and asked for the Hierophant Prithviraña to find their way to our world through my vessel - and with that I was transformed into a legendary creature: a Phoenix. With their guidance, I rid Baldur's Gate of the cultists, left them as a lesson to be remembered, and found my peace in Candlekeep. This duty earned me a title that was assigned to me millennia ago, the greatest honour of my existence, but it came at a price far greater than I anticipated and the tome was taken away from my custody to be kept safer. Though I still feel its power surging within me for another tenday or so.

It was at Candlekeep that we were informed of the severity of our situation: the Elturian capital city of Elturel, along with all of its population, had entirely vanished and been replaced by a wasteland crawling with undead. The great mage Silvera informed us that the city had descended into the hells - the deserts of Avernus, to be exact - and we took it upon ourselves to attempt to rescue it. In the meantime, though, our predicament provided us with most unique of opportunities: V found himself as the next highest nobleman in line to the throne and was thus crowned High Rider, and Cyrwin as the holiest man of the realm was granted the title of High Observer. With newfound determination and purpose, we set aside caution and left the comfort of the Material plane.

Quamas, this is where we meet near the present time, and dearest friend it is painful beyond imagination. I don't know if your 13 years seniority was ever spent outside of our Gray Forest, let alone any of Elturgard, but believe me when I say the beauty is entirely replaced by pain. Of that of humanoidkind and other life forms alike. Peace is as rare as a stoic Weirwood in the Anauroch, water far more scarce than an elk swimming in the Dragon Reach. We haven't been here two tendays and I long for a living tree. I turned 147 some three days ago, the 28th I've celebrated without you, but this has still been far more grim and lonely than any of the last ones. Cyrwin's faith lights up our days and warms up our nights, and I'm still struggling to grasp it completely, but I do hope whoever watches us will lend a hand. You know, we shared a vision several days ago, by means of an artifact we retrieved from the most blighted of places I've ever entered, Torm's holy helm hidden in the hollows of a corrupted cemetery. I was shown the greatness of Bhaator, and assumed my place through the eyes of the Angel Hayyil of Mt. Celestia. It was there that I saw the grand general Akhazriel find Hayyil, thousands of years before even our ancestors were alive, grasped the sides of his face and spoke to him, through him, to me. He called me by my name, Ae'lar, and dubbed me the High Sun Phoenix. I can't help but feel so small and humble, but so... doubtful and overwhelmed. I don't know if I believe enough to pray, but how does one deny a minor miracle like this? I know if there's anyone to accomplish what we've set out to do, it's us: the Sunless Sailors, but is this a task meant to be accomplished by anyone?

You know, we ran into a bed of Gricks earlier today, deep under the sewers, a mother and dozens of hatchlings. Where they were was truly inaccessible to most anyone else, and yet there we were, having sought passage through their home. They were of little hindrance, but my friends slaughtered them all. Mother and hatchling alike. I hurt for them, Quamas, they were survivors just like us, so far removed from their terrain of comfort, and yet we saw ourselves superior enough to relieve them of their survival. They weren't hunters, mere scavengers, and we entered their den like any other prey they'd encountered. We could have ran, but we chose to not leave them be, and I cannot come to terms with our cruelty. What gave us the right to do what we did to them, how could they have understood? This city, this whole plane; I miss you dearly but am I glad you don't have to experience this. The suffering changes people.

We were meant to infiltrate Helm's Shieldhall today, a strategic location that acted as the stronghold for many corrupted knights, and we failed to do that too. I almost lost all of my friends, I almost lost myself. Each of them did their absolute best to get my unresponsive ragdoll to safety. Ukamar sacrificed a decade and a half of his post-mortem peace in a fiendish deal most unfavourable just to save us. I feel undeserving but responsible all the same. We lost a lot in this skirmish, and it was hours ago, and all we accomplished was arming our enemy with means of committing more atrocities. This is unacceptable and we must go back.

Quamas, remember the game we used to play back near the outskirts of Lyrabar? Where we used to go and see who can run the farthest in the bog by the edge of the woods? It was always Erdan'n who came in first, you second, Xanaphie third, and the rest of us would barely make it a few steps. Oh, how simple the times were! Well, I've been thinking, Quamas, and I think I might be able to do something like it. I can try, anyway. If I can summon the bog, or at least create one similar enough, I might be able to make them play our game! I've been thinking a lot and I think I could do it. Maybe the fey spirits of our Forest could lend a hand to me as well...

Dearest friend, the night grows long and my drinks are drying up all the same as my tears, with a long long day ahead come tomorrow morning. I miss you dearly, and know that no matter where you are, your bright smile illuminates my every step. I love you dearly, and hope to see you soon one day.

Yours truly and eternally, Ae'lar Eren-aeth 17 Chez 1472

[in-the-glow-of-a-silmaril]

Being in the Fandom as long as I have, I've noticed that it seems like everyone has a slightly different take on feanor refusing to give the silmarils to yavanna. Alright, here is mine.

I've put forward a lot of criticism of the valar in my time. To be honest, it seems to me that they, like the noldor, fell prey to melkor's whispering - that is the kindest explanation I have for their behavior. I think they are well meaning, but proud and imperial, and to their own detriment. They take authority over issues which I think ought not to have come under their perview.

So. Yavanna asks feanor for the silmarils, so she can bring back the trees and confound melkor's evil. She says that she can otherwise never make such a work ever again; she only had it in her to do it once.

Feanor is silent a little while, thinking.

And tulkas says, and I quote, "speak, o noldo, yea or nay! But who shall deny yavanna? And did not the light of the silmarils come from her work in the beginning?" (Emphasis mine)

Aule, a creator himself who i imagine knows better, tells tulkas to be quiet, that they ask more than they know, and to let feanor think.

A good sentiment, but I think it comes too late.

It's the pride! It's always the pride!! Tulkas says to feanor, who are you, elf, to deny yavanna - a Valar? Further, he positions the silmarils as derivatives of yavanna's work, implying that they're not really feanor's anyway.

Look. I'm an artist. Artists take inspiration from each other all the time. You start out in art classes doing master copies - literally recreating a masterwork beat for beat in order to learn how they did it and apply those lessons to your own work moving forward. You take inspiration from other artists constantly. This is not the same as plagiarism; you are not stealing ideas, you are building off of them, taking them in a new direction, adding your own voice. Art history is a conversation held over millennia.

I don't believe the silmarils would have been hallowed or ever held in such esteem if they were only pale copies of yavanna's work. They were not the trees again. Feanor added himself to the conversation, took her concept, and built something new. His work is still his. He is still the artist.

I think that tulkas' brash speech tipped the scales. Now it is not actually about giving up the silmarils - now it is about feanor's dignity as a person.

Listen to what he says in reply: "for the less even as for the greater there is some deed that he may accomplish but once only; and in that deed his heart shall rest[...] and if I must break [the silmarils] I shall break my heart and I shall be slain; first of all the Eldar in Aman."

And Mandos says, Not the first. Which!!!! Okay. So he already knows that feanor's father is dead, or at least someone is, and he says nothing.

But anyway, my point is that feanor is basically saying here, even if I am not a Vala my work matters. My feelings matter. I do not matter less than you.

I happen to agree with him. But I'll come back to that later.

What feanor says a little later, that if the Valar force him to break the gems he will know they are as melkor is, strikes me as very honest. He cannot do anything to them. He's not threatening anything - except his opinion of them. He's basically daring them to act with decency and prove him wrong, and he's not sure they will. It's very telling to me.

To me the thing about it is that the Valar have lost feanor's faith. Not just him, a lot of people's. And a lot of that is because of melkor. But. How they respond to it matters too. Aule tries, bless him. But there is an imperious quality to a lot of the valar's interactions with elves that I mislike.

When feanor hears of his father's death, he runs into the night because, it says, his father was dearer to him than the light of valinor or the works of his hands.

The silmarils are most important to feanor for what they symbolize, I think. He does not love them more than his father and, I would argue, does not love them more than his sons.

The narration says that if feanor had said yes to the Valar things might have turned out better. How, I ask? What does that mean? The silmarils were already stolen. Do you mean to tell me that the Valar would have journeyed forth at once to cast down melkor, avenge Finwe, protect middle earth, and take back the silmarils - only if the silmarils would then have belonged to them? Feanor holds to his claim of them, so they refrain?

I was raised catholic, same as Tolkien. Unlike him I cast it away as I matured. But I am well familiar with it. I think a central difference between that ideology and mine is the concept of submission to authority. Unquestioning faith. It is domineering and patriarchal; I'm not saying that to bring in buzzwords for "thing I don't like," I quite mean it. Holiness in obedience is an idea that I find extremely disturbing. It lends itself to power imbalances and therefore abuse.

The valar have failed to earn feanor's trust. Some of this is melkor's doing. Much of it is their own. I am not excusing feanor's later actions, mind you. But I think that saying no to the Valar should not be counted among his sins. And I think that the Valar display a clear tendency to punish those who do not obey them; the elves who do not come to valinor, for example, are left to fend for themselves in the darkness. By the time lotr rolls around, the valar have basically created a disease (sea longing) to force elves to sail and punish them for resistance.

Again, I am not trying to excuse feanor for his wrongdoings. He kills people, which is worse than being very proud and a bit domineering. But I just really wanted to call the valar out for their shit.

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Night XV

A very short and fluffly one shot where Harry's girlfriend tells him how proud of him she is.

The night was getting later and Y/N had yet to see her boyfriend for more than 5 minutes since his final and 15th show at the garden that night. He had performed his heart out and the energy in the room was unlike anything she had ever experienced. The arena was now quiet save for the tour crew tearing down and the venue crew sweeping up faux feathers and posters and debris from around the space. She hadn't gone to find him because she knew that he needed a moment to really take in what had happened to him tonight. But it had been nearly an hour and it was getting late and they needed to go, so she made her way out towards the arena, cozied up in a Love on Tour crewneck and glanced around the space.

"Miss, he's up there." one of the crew members said as he pointed up to the very top section facing the banner and she smiled at the man.

"Thank you. Ummm, how do I get up there?" she asked and the man told her and she thanked him once again before heading off.

After about a few minutes she came through the doors leading to that section and he turned around at the sound and his lips immediately turned up when he saw her and she made her way over, bottom lip bitten between her teeth to suppress her grin, her cheeks already hurt from smiling so much that night.

"Hey, baby." Harry smiled as she walked up and sat beside him.

"Hi." she smiled and he leaned in to kiss her lips quickly.

"What time is it?"

"A little past one." she said and he he hummed.

"No wonder m'so sleepy." he said and she giggled.

"Yeah." she said as she reached for his face and gently caressed over his cheek as she held eye contact with him, "Baby, I'm so incredibly proud of you. Everyone is. The fans, your team, your family. Factimed your mom for the last few songs like she asked." she said softly and he smiled brightly, "Tonight was absolutely magical. I mean..." she said glancing towards the banner and he chuckled timidly.

"I still can't believe it." he whispered in disbelief.

"I can." she hummed, "Baby, you're absolutely incredible. You're a legend in the making and what you've done here is absolutely iconic. I feel so happy for you my heart could burst." she expressed and her eyes teared up and if anything got to him is was seeing her get all weepy and he started blinking back the tears.

“Baby, I did that…me and the band.” he said softly with a shake of his head. Almost as if saying it would make the truth click in his brain and she nodded.

“Yeah, H. You and your band did that.” She giggled with pride.

"Fuck, now m'crying again." he mumbled and she sniffled and giggled at him and leaned in to kiss him gently and slowly and after a few seconds she pulled back, her lips were hovering right over his, their noses brushed and their foreheads were pressed together, "I love you." he said quietly, "Thank you for being understanding and for supporting my dreams. I know that sometimes it can be really difficult and stressful and that this isn't conventional, but I honestly could not do it without you, baby. Getting to see that beautiful smile every single night is something out of a dream."

"Oh hush..." she giggled and he did as well but then his expression was serious again.

"Baby, really, thank you." he said again and kissed her lips quickly.

"I love you, baby. Love you with my whole heart and I feel just as lucky as you do to get to see you out there, making history, looking so happy and at home. It's so beautiful to see and I'm so happy to have been here for all of it. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy." she smiled.

Harry's heart was boiling over with love for the woman sitting before him. He was so in love with her and he'd thought of it often, being with her forever, but just hearing her say those words, it reaffirmed his want to keep her around forever. Just being around her made him as happy if not happier than all of his accomplishments. She was the sun in his life, she was everything to him. He just stayed looking at her for several moments and then she smiled at him.

"What? Have I got something on my face?" she giggled and he shook his head, "Then what?" she asked and he smiled.

"I'm gonna marry you one day." he said and her stomach fluttered, "I will." he promised before he leaned in and kissed her deeply. His hands came up and held her face, making the moment intimate and tender as their lips moved together and just before things got a touch too heated he pulled back, panting hard, their breaths intermingling in the small space between their mouths, "Let's get out of here, baby." he grinned.

------------ Photo from @stylesnews' post