#because i FEEL TO MUCH ABOUT THIS TWO IDIOTS
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arminsumi · 2 days ago
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... hubby!Gojo with a huge breeding kink who just obsesses over you when you're ovulating and can't think about anything else but fucking a baby into your hips.
+ warnings; mdni, breeding kink, some dumbification
+ an; I literally had this idea in my drafts for a year... 😳
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Maybe he's got a freaky sixth sense, maybe it's just because he's got heightened senses, or maybe there's some scientific studies to back it up; but Gojo can smell when you're ovulating. And it turns him on — of course it does. He has a bigger breeding kink than you do.
"Oh, you're ovulating." he notes after sniffing your skin... and you do a double take like he's insane. Because he is insane — you married a madman.
He pays closer attention to your cycle than you do, reminding you to mark down when you get your period, and coddling you in the days leading up to ovulation.
"Satoru, it's just an estimation." you tell him, but he's got a glow in his eyes when he sees your period tracker app telling him that today's your most fertile day — if he cums in you today, it's basically guaranteed.
He researches positions that help conception, bends and pushes you into them, and fucks you deep with his thick cock, going harder on your poor hole than he normally does — grunting more than he normally does, throbbing more than he normally does... like it just awakens something primal in him, and now he's obsessively fucking you like he has no other purpose but to breed his sweet little wife.
"Nn! Satoruuu!" you whine and paw at his torso, your walls overwhelmed by the pressure of his cock splitting you open.
"Yes babyyy?" he coos, giving you a crooked, blissed-out smile as he tilts his head.
There's sweat dripping off his abs, his pink nipples are hard, his biceps are twitching, and he's running one hand through his dampened white hair as he stills inside you for a moment.
"'s too deep! T-too big!" you moan lewdly, a bit of drool escaping the corner of your mouth.
"...aw, I know I'm just too big for ya, huh?" he coos cockily; hearing you tell him that he's 'too big' never gets old.
He's so determined to give you his baby that he tries everything to increase the chances; staying inside you for 5 minutes after shooting his load in, having you rest with a pillow under your back so your hips are raised — "Gotta help my lil' guys swim." he acts like an idiot about it, but sweetly so. Nothing excites him more than the idea of being a dad, except the idea of fathering your children.
After sex, when the two of you are cleaning up, Satoru feels over and massages your tummy with a small smile on his face. He's lost in thought, hair all messy and face tired like he's run a marathon, hopeful that this time he got you pregnant.
He'll pamper you like his queen, humming and going to the ends of the earth to get you anything you ask for. He really fawns over you when you're ovulating, and lays on the compliments thick while snuggling your neck and creeping his fingers up your thighs — pretty soon he'll sink them inside and stretch you out on them, preparing you for what he cutely calls "baby making" but is actually sweaty, nasty, kinky sex — there's a definite difference in the cute, snuggly sex and the literal breeding sessions no matter how much he plays it off.
"Satoru... my legs are still weak after this morning, give me a break, will you?"
"Aw come on, this is an innocent request... and if babymaking happens, it happens..." he mutters the last part under his breath.
"You're crazy."
But you know you're gonna fall for it after you take one look at his rock-hard, juicy pink, dummy big cock and those breeder balls.
He just beams victoriously when you hop over to him like a little bunny.
Satoru's pushes into you as deep as your pussy allows him, and then some more just to pressure your deepest spot, pinning your wrists down and whispering sultrily into your ear about how well you take him, how beautiful you look, how good it feels to fuck your fertile pussy knowing that he'll most definitely get you pregnant because his cum is perfect; thick and sticky and gooey and pungent, perfect just like he is — the cocky bastard.
When his creampies makes you cum, A-spot pressured with his pulsing tip, he grins so wide that you scold him about it.
"Stop grinning like a psychopath." you pant.
He just looks up at you, face hardly an inch away, and asks a dumb, smiley "D'you feel pregnant?" ... as if it happens so fast.
"Gee, I don't know, we should go again just to make sure — that was a joke, that was a joke! Nn! Satoru!" too late, he's flipping you over and slowly filling you up again.
And oh god Satoru loves sliding back in for round twos. The smell of sex and cum wafting up and hitting his nose just makes him plunge back into your cum-filled little hole with only one thing in mind and that is breeding you 'till you're stuffed to the max.
"Come on, y' gonna be a good wifey for me and get knocked up?" he rasps against your ear, thrusting his cock up into your sensitive spots until his creampies turn into whipped cream, frothed up and milky-white and smeared on your pussy lips.
Like the nasty boy he is (and always has been, even before marriage), Satoru forces your head down and makes you watch him fuck his dummy big cock into you.
"Yeah, watch that cock fill you up... look at all my cum leaking out..." he tuts, "... don't be so wasteful, baby... oh well, 'm gonna fuck it back into you anyways. Come on, let me in deeper — aw, what's wrong?" he coos when you claw at his meaty bicep.
"'toruuu, so deep! Y-you're so fucking deep, I can't think..."
His heart pangs when he hears you complain about being too stuffed, "Oh baby you don't need to think, just lay there and let me put a baby in your sweet pussy — gonna fuck you so dumb, the only name you'll remember is mine."
Of course, he has to get a creampie in every day. Sometimes even a few times a day. Sometimes even at 4 AM, and you swat him for being a horny idiot — but it takes five minutes to give in because you can hear the need in his voice when he whines "Please?" and starts humping against you, "I've got so much cum for you." he tells you and though it sounds so sweet in his soft, bedroom voice it's hard to take him as an innocent man, because his thick boner is grinding hard and hot between your plush lips.
You can bet you'll probably only get to sleep when the birds are chirping, 'cause your hubby's balls are too heavy and full of cum and he needs to drain himself inside you — oh, and you can also bet that afterwards he will be sleeping like a princess, clinging to you with his face snuggled into your tummy.
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strandedtoodeep · 3 days ago
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Poolverine fics rec' ✨
Yes, FINALLY.
So, basically what the title said: some poolverine's fics recommendation because i have nearly 100 bookmarks and sharing is caring so let's go!
I'll put title, link, tag the author (if they are on tumblr), numbers of words & chapters and probably silly summary or thoughts
I'll be adding some in the future with a red exclamation❗
The one without smut have a bunny emoji 🐰
My faves are on top
If you have some recs i'm happy to take them thank you 🤲
Faves
Come Hell or High Water by @farmhandler 84k, 11 ch. || love when a fic take mental health seriously and talk about it in a way that feel so right? (bonus the smut is *chef's kiss*
Promise Me We'll Be Back In Time by @back4destiel 108k, 17 ch. || 50 First Dates was one of my favorite movie when i was a preteen (yeah) so this fic fill me with nostalgia and happiness
where soul meets body by @edgebug 33k, 3 ch. || one of my first poolverine's fic and it sets the bar so HIGH (and tbh i cried so much reading it, it's concerning)
silence is what i do best (but still i hear it all) by @cainroses 25k, 3 ch. || feral! logan is very dear to me and the character's voices in it?? absolutely delightful (beware the smut is very good but spicy)
Until you get sick of me, honestly by @3koboldsinahoodie 101k, 20ch. (on going) || i love it so much i want to forget it and discovers it again, the peak of two idiots in love it's beautiful
whoever makes my baby cry (is gonna lose some teeth tonight) by @wickedscribbles 16k, 4 ch. || love some genderplay, bottom and protective logan, my dear, i love it but most importantly the writings is scrumptious
The Void by @rovingotter 115k, 23 ch. || i'm still trying to process what i feel with this fic, please please read this blindly and i assure you, you'll never be the same
The Soundtrack by @greatsnakestintin 39k, 14 ch. (on going) || love a good road trip fic, love music so it's absolutely perfect for me! and the plot is so?? fascinating???
Kaleidoscope by Space_wanderer 69k, 13 ch. (on going) || CHAPPELL ROAN REFERENCE! when Logan is such a idiot Wade need to go get him AGAIN in his universe
Don't you want me to run? by @decaying-lover 54k, 17 ch. (on going) || if you love angst, this fic will serve you ANGST! love their dynamics, the tension, their voices, everything
On going
Girl Dads by @starburstsobsessions 35k, 14 ch. || AU poolverine's fic are fire and this one, THIS ONE, omg! this fic makes my dream (aka seeing dilf! logan) a reality
Somewhere I belong by @terrasilvershade 24k, 6ch. || another girls dad AU but this one, my god!!! the feels?? it's so interesting to see Logan being envious and it's writing so well
Baby(girl) Don't Hurt Me by @peargreen-jellybean 16k, series with 4 works || 4 fics and i love them all! some good poolverine pining & domestic bliss + men in lingeries (my weakness)
In Another Life by @flash-bastardd 32k, 10 ch. || x-men origins but better! (bc it's gay) i have some feelings with this movie but this fic healed me and i love it!
🐰 Take Me Through the Darkness to the Break of the Day by The_Colour_Yellow 16k, 9 ch. || a very good fic around hanahaki disease with my two favorites idiots??? sign me in! even with so much hurt and angst UGH
call me when you’re ready to be real by @maroonmused 23k, 9 ch. || "and they were roommates" ofc like it's not absolutely obvious for EVERYONE except themself; a very good domestic bliss!
Don't Want To Be A Fool For You by @cuntylogan 45k, 2 ch. || bartender! logan who try to fight his addiction (and slowly fall in love) has a special place in my heart, you go boy
How To Pay For Rent 💸 by @fictionfeast 42k, 3 ch. || this fic feels like a fever dream, but a OH SO GOOD and well writing fever dream! (ngl as a french person Craig List scares me)
Complete
🐰 the dollhouse by @kanashikute 4k, OS || love the fluffiness in this fic, love how Logan accept to love, be loved and doesn't left Wade behind UGH they're so cute in this one!!!
🐰 Glass Shards by greaserbabes 9k, 2 ch. || always love when Logan and Wade are SO STUPIDLY in love; ngl the scene with the glass shards make me cry every time
🐰 The Folly Of Playing Gay Chicken Too Hard (Phrasing) by GayLord3000 3k, OS || the domestic fic where Wade is the stupid one, being so stupid in fact it's nearly cost him his relationship with Logan whoops
Love shot by lillygoeson 28k, 6ch. || another bartender! logan one, but AU no powers AND with a good "twist" in the middle; this fic is so bittersweet and good oml
look at you by @weedwilson 3k, OS || yes it's shameless smut and mirror sex, my beloved... and I LOVE when Logan worshipping Wade this much bc he deserves it
It's Just Chemistry by @farmhandler 37k, 5 ch. || in the same universe of Come Hell or High Water, there is so... so much angst but it's very good angst!!! still love this specific dynamic
🐰 We Should Just Kiss (Like Real People Do) by @nikaandtea 8k, OS || HOZIER REFERENCE! i'm still so happy when a fic talk about chronic pain combined with domestic bliss i'm totally sold
Night Terrors by educatedwish 50k, 13 ch. || love how Logan is written is this fic, how PTSD messed with his feelings in a serious way... my heart melt everytime i read it
second nature to me now by @edgebug 36k, OS || a investigation in a gay club??? with my two idiots in love?? and with old gay Logan? i giggled so hard reading this, i LOVE IT
🐰 It Feels Like Home by @twentyghosts 10k, 6 ch. || one of my favorite trope is the 5+1 and this one... my god, right in the feels! so much fluffiness, coziness, it warm my heart
🐰 stuck by the glue (oh and you) by prngslvr 3k, OS || a good rewriting of (some scenes) from DP&W, and one of my first fluff and non-smut fic that i read after watching the movie!
Let Me Get Back to You by ratflavored 14k, 2 ch. || pls i want to read more fics with phone sex in it (i know it's specific) but in the meantime, this one is SO good (and full of feels too)
tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow by signifier 10k, OS || i have a thing for time loop and this kind of fuckery, it's short but good and i love the title it make me chuckles
Oh, God, I Think I'm Fallin' by @slut-arc 15k, 5 ch. || the return of domestic poolverine and YES I KNOW but it's my weakness... and Logan is so emotionally constipated it's concerning
the bucket list by @kanashikute 33k, 4 ch. || read this one, please, really, it's so bittersweet BUT i promise there's a good ending (and i cried so much while reading it)
🐰 he’s the headlights, I’m the deer by NatalieK 7k, OS || it's interesting to see Logan's losing his healing factor for once instead of Wade! and seeing Wade taking care of him, my heart
🐰 holding out for a hero by @splinnters 6k, 3 ch. || once again, i have a soft spot for Logan trusting Wade so much he called him when something is wrong and this, THIS is good
🐰 I've got some color back (he thinks so too) by @mid13s 3k, OS || just a short fic with non-sexual intimacy because these two need comfort, hugs and a lot of affection (and the Hozier reference is chef's kiss)
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baronessvonglitter · 3 days ago
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would you ever consider writing a deeper romantic relationship for the lovely couple from Daddy can fix it??💖 it’s sooo good
I hope you didn’t think I forgot about you 💕 I was so pleased to receive your ask. From one hopeless romantic to another, I hope you enjoy!
Daddy Does Drilling
Handyman! Joel x fem!plus size!Reader
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Word count: 1.3K
Summary: what happens when you and Joel blur the line between business and pleasure..
I invite everyone to also read "Daddy Can Fix It" 🩵
WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Explicit. Reader is plus-size, wears apron and dress. Reader's age not mentioned so there is as much or as little of an age gap as you want. Unprotected piv (Joel is snipped). Oral (f receiving). Sarah and Ellie are mentioned but not named. Divorced Dad!Joel 🤭Slowly falling in love and not realizing it until it's too late. Mention of reader wanting a divorce from her husband. Also catty book club bitches.
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"You're crazy, y'know that?" Joel whispers in your ear, his harsh whisper tickling your skin as he guides you up and down on his cock.
You grab the back of the sofa, nails digging into the soft upholstery as he plunges into your soaking wet pussy. "I had to do it," you giggle through your panting. "I couldn't stand my idiot husband doing all the work that you do better."
That earns you a slap on the ass, Joel's large hand giving it a firm grip after. "You're an insatiable lil' thing," he growls in your ear. "'Bout to wear me out."
You smirk up at the patched-up drywall, perfectly smoothed over by Joel's industrious and talented hands. Hands that are now grabbing your curves and molding your body to his. "Can you blame me? I'll never get enough of this cock!" Your sentence ends on a loud moan as he holds your hips steady and thrusts up into you hard and deep so you feel the steady brush of him up close to your cervix.
"Come on sweet thing, ya came twice already, you ready for a third?" Joel rasps in your ear. "Got my lap all fuckin' wet with this juicy pussy."
The moment he'd finished up with the wall you'd pounced on him, crushed your lips and your hips to his, delighted to find him already hard and ready. In the shortest amount of time ever, you both had shoved off and pulled aside whatever clothes were unnecessary and fucked right there on the sofa.
He's working you to your third orgasm, spoiling you, actually, holding back from his own pleasure because it's too much fun giving you yours, watching the beautiful expression on your face, the way your body shakes and trembles.
"There she is," he whispers as your sugar walls convulse around him, rhythmically squeezing his rigid cock, and that's when he lets himself explode, your pussy milking him for every drop he's got.
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He's at your house every week, then twice a week, three times a week, until he's just there to fuck you and make you scream his name. No fixing of anything required.
Neither of you notices when things take a turn towards the soft, the sweet. He spends hours between your thighs, tasting and teasing you until you come multiple times, not just trying to get you off but trying to know you. Your time together is marked not by the quick, productive thrusts in positions you haven't tried since college, but in the lingering kisses and knowing stares, the confessions that spill from your lips, the honesty that is born of such intimacy as you've shared.
You find out that he's divorced, has two grown daughters, one married and the other away at university. He loves to work with his hands, that he has a natural knack for figuring out a solution to every problem, and persists until said problem is fixed. That's how he started his company.. and one day the ladies just started coming onto him.
Being older and single, he didn't let those chances pass him. The women he helped were lonely like himself, and if he could give them a bit of something to keep them happy even for a moment, he was glad to do it. It became a well-known secret among the housewives of the community of Royal Hill that he would provide good service at a decent price and give you the fucking of a lifetime if you asked politely.
He liked women, found their husbands to be idiots, more often than not. White collar limp dicks who think a G-spot is street slang for money. Some of them he got to know well: Amirah with the flawless umber skin and always smelled of jasmine; Isabelle who tip-tapped around her tiled home in impossibly high heels with ostentatious feathers on the straps and wore hardly anything under her sheer hot pink robe, also bedecked in feathers; Becky who was quite demanding and rude but submissive once she had a dick inside her.
Then came you. And you threw him for a loop.
You were more than you appeared: sweet, shy, pretty. Once he got you in bed you were a goddess, and the amazing thing was you already knew you were. You gave without asking anything in return.. but how could he ever deny you his strong hands, eager mouth, throbbing cock?
No one else had struck this feeling within him, no matter how many lonely housewives he visited, no matter how hard or rough or passionately he'd fucked any of them, they were just fun. Side quests, as his gamer brother would say.
He liked getting to know you, finding out who was the woman underneath the apron and the rosebud-patterned dress. You told him secrets no one else knew, and he found himself doing the same. You would call each other just to talk, to hear each other's voices when you couldn't be close.
What you didn't know was the impact it would have on the other housewives.
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"He doesn't even come over himself anymore. His brother Tommy came by to fix the sink instead."
"Don't get me wrong.. Tommy's cute, but I wanted Joel."
"Daddy Joel."
You ignore the little group that's once again near the dessert table. You grab a couple of cucumber sandwiches and a chocolate-dipped madeleine, oblivious to their prattle.
"I don't know," Becky says pointedly. "His truck has been seen outside a certain someone's house a few days a week." She stops you before you can go back to your seat. "With the amount of time Joel's been at your home, you ought to have the most restored, revamped, upgraded home on the block," she says, brimming over with restrained attitude.
"What's going on?" she asks under her breath.
You can see the others are waiting for you to answer her, but for the first time ever you feel absolutely no need to appease them. You need to win them over like you need a hole in your head. "I don't know what you're talking about," you tell them, lying with ease.
"It's not nice to take up all his time," Becky says with an icy tone, staring you down as if looks could kill.
"Becky, is it just me, or are you jealous over a man you have to pay to fuck you?"
The others are stunned. No one has ever put Bitchy Becky in her place before. Not even she knows what to say.
"I think I'm done with this book club. I can read on my own at my house.. waiting on Daddy to fix whatever I need him to." With an angelic smile you drop the plate of treats back onto the table as you leave.
Walking out into the late afternoon sun you feel more free than you ever have before, as if a whole new chapter has started. The short walk to your house is pleasant, even more so when you see Joel's work truck in your driveway.
"Thought I missed ya," he says, his hands in his pockets as he walks from your front door.
"Fridays are for the book club," you explain, heart racing as you come close to him, and his arms go naturally around your waist. "But I quit. Can't really stand those snobby bitches."
You inhale the clean cotton scent of his red flannel, nuzzling your nose in his shoulder as he kisses the side of your head. "I don't want to do anything ever again that doesn't make me happy."
"So, lil' thing, what's gonna make ya happy right now?" he asks, a small grin playing across his lips.
Looking up at him, you realize Joel is the best choice you could have made. "I think I'm going to leave my husband. No.. I'm definitely going to leave my husband. But there's something else I want right now.."
"Good idea." His arms tighten slightly around you, as if to tether you to him. "And what would that be?"
"I want you to come inside.. you've got some drilling to do," you lead him by the hand and into your home.
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dividers by @saradika 👑
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black--sun · 1 day ago
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He looks over at Shiro. He takes in his face, his eyes then snorts. “Nothing. Everything.” His brows furrow as he tries to figure out how to follow his thought backward well enough to explain it. “Because I think you could do anything you attempted seriously. I think the city is lucky you aren't more ambitious. You like to say you fell into this as if it was a big accident, but I think it only worked out because you’re you.” He’s really not saying it right. He sounds like an idiot. “It’s just, I know you, so sometimes I forget you’re kind of formidable. As a person.” He smirks and doesn’t look over. “Worried I’m right?”
“No one lets Grimmjow believe anything.” But Shiro seems so immediately upset, Ichigo pushes out a breath. “It wasn’t a recent conversation, and I wasn’t feeling much like defending you at the time.” And again, no one lets Grimmjow believe anything. He makes up his own mind. “Anyway, I thought you two patched things up. Go over to his place if it bothers you that much. Let him know you aren’t going to be set aside that easily.” Seems simple enough to him, but Shiro’s always been messed up about Grimmjow. They should start a club they’re all so fucked up over eachother. He can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt at those words. He’s not even sure if Shiro said it because he's offended or if he honestly thinks Ichigo needs a reminder. What it actually reminds Ichigo is that he’s the one being a shitty friend. He releases a breath. “I can talk to him.”
He’s still looking around the store, checking for exits and people out of habit before Shiro’s words remind him it’s just an ordinary outing. Ichigo looks the direction Shiro gestures, then starts down it. Despite what Shiro said, it doesn’t even take him five minutes to find things he’d like to see Shiro in. He’s not finding anything he’d put in his own closet though. Except that’s the entire reason he likes Shiro’s closet. His is mostly tame. Shiro’s is Shiro’s. He thinks about that, and then starts selectively pulling things from the rack and stacks that would match Shiro’s closet better than his, a crop top, some netting, and it’s easy after that.
At first it was kind of difficult to imagine Ichigo sitting at a desk, writing into the early hours of the morning, hours he's usually out roaming the streets or working a very different kind of job. But the more they talk about it, the more easily the image comes to him. He never really saw Ichigo bent over his studies when they were together, but he knows that's because he was too much of a distraction. Without himself in the picture, it's a lot easier to imagine.
He scoffs, "I never do anything embarrassing." Very very not true. Ichigo makes himself so punchable sometimes. Shiro struggles not to roll his eyes, and plays along instead. "Oh, don't downplay that. It'll be the most interesting part of the whole story. Who doesn't love a doomed romantic subplot attached to the misunderstood character? Most of the criminal population probably doesn't read anyway."
Ichigo's not wrong, but damn that's kind of harsh. "Yeah but I'd say no to all of them real fuckin' fast to say yes to you instead." He'd drop everything and everyone for Ichigo. Obsessed, like Ichigo's going to write in his book. And he's glad for the confirmation that he's the hottest guy Ichigo knows, but he didn't really want to hear about whatever complicated thing is going on between Grimmjow and Ichigo. Except it shifts gears into something. Shiro blinks, then heaves an exasperated sigh. "I understand he's mad at me, but I'm literally so loaded I don't know what to do with it. All he has to do is say something. Hell he could'a just sent me his rent bill or something." What an asshole. He doubts Grimmjow wants handouts from him, "Or I could find work for him. Doesn't even have to be illegal shit. I have a lot of connections."
That scowl makes Shiro's hackles raise, but the words take most of the fight out of him. He's so twisted up about Ichigo. He sighs. "I do. I do wanna be friends." The problem is that he doesn't know how to be just friends with Ichigo. He's going to settle for it, because it's all he's going to get, but it's going to hurt.
He shrugs. "Not all of it. I move the important stuff. Politicians, celebrities. People who think they're being discrete. Only reason I never moved my own product before was because I didn't trust myself around it often." He offers up a sort of self deprecating smile. "That's not an issue anymore. But it's a lot of product, a lot of money and a lot of networking to trust to someone else, so it works out."
He watches Ichigo check his own vehicle from the driver seat, and starts rolling down the drive when he sees Ichigo climb into the car and start it. He takes them into the city, to a hole in the wall alt fashion shop that has too many items crammed into a too small of a space. It's his favorite place for clothes though.
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adhdduckie · 9 hours ago
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second choice - teen!gojo x reader
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synopsis : you've loved him since the beginning, so you want to be there for him. in an attempt to speak to gojo after getou has abandoned you all, you tell him that you know you're not the first choice for him to speak to, but he wants you to know you're the first choice for everything else.
pairing; gojo x reader
wc: 2.2k
A/N: this has been in my drafts for like a year, jesus. hope yall enjoy.
main masterlist
jjk masterlist
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gojo has been different since the death of riko amanai. taking on more and more missions, spending less time with the rest of you. he's no longer the same gojo you fell in love with when you first met him, but you still do love him, he's just going through a rough patch.
ever since he finally understood his technique, the higher ups have been forcing him to go on more trips. you saw him every couple of months, but it wasn't the same as seeing him every single day. the messages you sent him being left on delivered, as if he didn't even want to read the messages you sent him.
when getou and gojo were protecting amanai as their mission, you and shoko had been doing your own thing. When geto came back with the absence of gojo, you freaked out. screamed, cried and basically just swore revenge on toji. you hated toji for taking gojo away from you.
when gojo came back covered in blood, and with a slightly feral look in his eyes, you jumped into his arms, throwing your arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder. He kind of just awkwardly patted your back with his hands, and gave you a sly smile, before speaking.
"what you crying for? i'm not dead, am I?" he said, before letting you go. the smile didn't really reach his eyes fully, and maybe that was the first time you noticed something was truly different.
"you fucking idiot." you responded with a laugh, wiping your tears away from your eyes, feeling slightly stupid about how emotional you were.
a year later after amanai's death, after geto left, things were even worse. you remember how gojo started screaming at yagi. you stood behind in the classroom, having just finished talking with the teacher, as you heard gojo's yells.
it had been a shock to you, too, to hear of getou's sins. geto used to be so kind, so nice to you. he helped you with things in class you didn't understand, bought you cold drinks from the vending machines as you sparred with shoko.
you should have seen it coming, you told yourself. how did you not notice his spiralling? How could you not be there for him? alas, it was far too late to even do anything now, especially after gojo confronted him in front of the kfc, strangely you had been sitting in the kfc, eating your lunch.
the lady beside you didn’t understand why you randomly started sobbing in the middle of your food, but you knew you couldn’t intervene, as this is something that was happening between the two of them, because you knew their connection would always be so much stronger than yours.
it was not exactly something you wanted to watch, although you hadn't known everything they were saying, you had a feeling of what was going on, and you didn't want to interrupt.
after the kfc confrontation, gojo was worse. taking on more and more missions, refusing to talk to you when you tried to see how he was doing. it was sad, especially because he had been such a close friend, and now he was just pushing you away.
it hurt much more due to the fact you cared for him beyond a normal friend should, but there really was nothing you could do. you sought him out when you knew he was back from missions, knocking at his door at various times in the night, praying to some god, some entity, really anything that would get him to open the door.
but your knocks always went unanswered. always. you thought maybe you were close enough that he’d trust you enough to talk with you, but apparently not.
the loss of haibara had taken a toll on you, seeing how he was basically a little brother to you, and you felt like maybe you could relate to gojo, and see how the both of you may have something in common to talk about, to make sure that you both had someone to support, and that spiralling didn’t happen again.
shoko was alright, for the most part. you had made sure to support her as much as you could, and she did what she could in return, but she had never been so close with getou and haibara as much as you did, as when she discovered her reverse cursed technique, she spent most of her time in the morgue, and it was the three of you on missions in the end.
and maybe you were starting to spiral yourself. life as a jujutsu sorcerer had really begun to take its toll on you, and you were beginning to understand just how much nanami had hated the life of a jujutsu sorcerer, and how he talked about how he wanted to go off as a salesman, quoting that “jujutsu is shit!”
despite having support around you, you really felt like you were missing something, and the only way you could ever really support yourself was getting some quiet time. the loss of haibara and getou was a strong one, and because other students understood this, they tried to make you feel as best as you could, even if you wanted alone time sometimes, which led to you feeling overwhelmed a lot of the time.
and because shoko would barge into your room whenever she could, you had taken to the rooftops as a way to escape questioning and the constant coddling of everyone else. it was quiet up there, and you liked the escape.
one specific night, you had been sitting up there for multiple hours, just staring off into the distance.
at some point, it had started to rain, but that had only really registered briefly in your head. the rain was light, so it wasn’t much of a problem.
you’d been sitting there for the best of three hours, just watching the clouds pass you by.
at some point you feel a small shift in the atmosphere, and you freeze.
“what are you doing out of your room, satoru?” you ask him, not bothering to turn around.
you hear the clacking of the tiles on the roof as he walks closer towards you.
there’s suddenly a light pressure on your shoulders as a blanket is dropped around your shoulders.
“they thought you left, you know?” satoru responds quietly.
“what?” you ask him, finally turning around to face him as he drops next to you.
“shoko was freaked, because she hasn’t been able to find you for hours.” satoru tells you, shifting closer to you on the edge of the roof.
“…and what got you out of your room?” you ask him, frowning as you stare back out into your surroundings.
“she freaked out, went crazy on me. she was telling me about how unfair I had been, and how selfish i was for forgetting that getou wasn’t just my friend.” he sighs, drawing his legs to his chest, resting his chin on his arms.
“…she’s not wrong.” You respond. you’re feeling a bit numb, and you’re upset that it’s taken him this long to talk to you again, so you’re being mean.
“yeah. I’m sorry, i really am. I got so caught up in myself after riko and getou, and i forgot that you guys were also affected by everything. and you especially, i knew haibara meant a lot to you.” he tries to explain.
“well, satoru, we all needed someone. i did my best with shoko, and nanami. i couldn’t do it all myself, you know? i felt as if i was the only one that was still trying to make sure that everyone was okay, because you disappeared on all of us.”
“and i’m going insane, too. i hate the life of a jujutsu sorcerer, but it’s the one thing i’m good at, and the one thing that i can do. even if shoko is doing her best to support us all as well, it’s not the same, especially because i felt that you and i could relate the most, and be there for each other. and i understand if you needed time to yourself, but you just shut us all out. all of us.” you finish, feeling tears prick at your eyes.
you can’t make any eye contact with satoru. it’s been months since you last properly saw him, and you don’t want to see him when you’re crying like this, so you’re avoiding his eye contact as much as you can.
you take a deep breath, and you continue; “and then, i thought i lost you too. not only did someone i love die, my best friend’s gone, and the other one shut us all out. “
“and then, the one person i feel like i could talk to because we both lost so much, just completely shuts me out.” You’re full on crying now, not even trying to hide it.
satoru wordlessly pulls you closer, understanding that you need to vent out all of your frustrations, because for so long, you’ve been unable to do so.
and it’s so much coming out at once, that you’re just crying at this point.
“i’m sorry, i’m sorry. i should have been there for you.” he whispers, pulling you so you’re crying into his chest.
your fingers are all bunched into his shirt, and you’re crying, so so hard. this is the hardest you’ve cried since everything’s happened, and it just seems that you just couldn’t hold it in anymore.
and you’re sobbing uncontrollably, hiccuping as you cry. he’s rubbing comforting circles into your back, and you notice that his infinity is off for the first time in a long time, so you have to pause and you have to draw back.
when you do, your hands are resting on his shoulders, and you could swear that you don’t look pretty right now, but it’s too late.
his hand goes to cup your jaw, and he tries to smile tentatively at you. his smile is a bit shaky, and his eyes are brimmed red.
“i’m sorry, i’m sorry.” he repeats, using his thumb to brush against your jaw, resting his forehead against yours.
“i know you needed time, and i understand that, but i was really worried. but please, please please, from now on, check in with me every once in a while, okay? I know i’m not your first choice-” you get cut off by satoru, when he interrupts.
“what, what do you mean you’re not my first choice?” he asks, his thumb pausing its motions.
“just that, i know you would have preferred to talk to someone else.” you tell him, a little embarrassed that you have to say it out loud, because no matter how much you thought of him as a close friend, you still wanted him more than that, but it was never the time to tell him.
“you are, though. you know these last few months have been so hard for me?” he asks, “i kept thinking about how much i missed you and how much i wanted you to be there with me, but i couldn’t go find you, i just couldn’t.” he interrupts you, staring at you intently as he tries to explain his feelings.
“why couldn’t you?” you ask him, trying to fight back a shiver when he pulls back, as the loss of warmth registers. you can feel the hesitation in his voice before he speaks, you’re so fine tuned into everything that is gojo satoru.
“because, i thought you blamed me for getou leaving.” he whispers out, so broken hearted.
you scoff, feeling tears run down your cheeks due to such an emotionally charged conversation. ”of course, i don’t. none of us do. getou leaving was a result of the jujutsu world, from everything that has happened to us, from riko amanai’s death, the unjustness of the world, and the non-human sorcerers.” you respond, grasping his hand in your lap, trying to get him to understand just what you mean.
your eyes track the water that falls down his face from the rain, and it just registers to you again that you’re both probably going to get sick.
he leans forward into your touch, resting his forehead against yours again, as he feels everything seem to just dissipate from him, all the pressure he’s been for so long.
and because he’s here with you now, he finally understands.
he understands everything everyone means when they say that once they’re reunited with their loved ones, all their pain and suffering doesn’t just disappear, it just feels lighter, and easier to carry, because they’ve got the support of those around them.
“you are my first choice.” he whispers out as some kind of confession.
and despite yourself, you are able to let out a wet laugh, your eyes closing as you just rest your forehead against his, feeling him squeeze your hand in his. because this feels right. it finally feels right.
the silence passes comfortably, and soon, you realise you’re not even getting wet anymore. you realise he’s sharing his infinity with you, and this helps you finally understand what he means that how you are his first choice. it seems, you are his first choice, for everything.
“i love you.” he whispers, opening his eyes briefly to stare into yours, as he lifts his forehead from yours to press a light kiss to your forehead. you don’t respond, because you know he understands that you do love him too, when you pull him closer to hug him.
because, the pain and suffering is easier to bear, together.
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rootspiral · 3 days ago
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Agatha all along deep dive: episode 1 part 2
(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])
(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1)
Okay, let's keep going through Agatha All Along epsode 1, in which detective Agnes sees Nicky's lock of hair inside her brooch and is stunned into silence for a long ten seconds
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she's feeling agonizing heartbreak and cannot even tell why
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you know what, she technically is home. she's in her living room as we speak. but every line has multiple readings, so go home... where? to her old self? to her witchy roots? to her coven? to Rio? to Nicky, in the afterlife?
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I wonder if all the water puddles are deliberate. do they symbolize mirrors, is she gone through the looking glass? or is water = rio?
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the way she has to steel herself before getting into Nicky's room
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THE MOON PHASES OVER THE BED. as if she wishes there was a coven looking over him, protecting him
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I saw some reactors laughing their asses off at this scene, still hung up on the parody of it all, going "did they make the rabbit into a dead kid backstory? that's HILARIOUS." Sure. So funny.
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(they keep associating Nicky with rabbits tho, in the previous scene with Rio there's a blink-and-you-miss-it moment when a plant in the background suddenly turns into Nicky's picture. was señor scratchy named after him?)
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why can't they properly light their scenes goddamnit I shouldn't have to use 6 layers to see her face
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oh look it's Aubrey Plaza and pizza, two of the sexiest concepts humanity has ever come up with
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first of all: open vest and white shirt? that's hot. second of all, the way she's sitting so confidently with her whole chest out, so open, taking deep breaths. she just wants to drink her all up, all of her, her beauty, her sorrow, her goofiness. she's SO damn in love.
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what a goober. what a delight. plaid shirt and no makeup, drinking beer and snorting when she laughs, a bit awkward and bashful. what a stud. I would die for her. I would wife her so quickly. I'm gonna say this whit my whole chest, the more femme presenting Agatha is, the more she's wearing a shield and playing a part. this is Agatha raw and defenseless and true, and I want to protect her like she's a precious kitten. (me and Rio both, tbh)
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case in point: Agatha is manspreading like some idiot lumberjack, and Rio looks like she has never seen anyone hotter
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Agatha: "I have a lead in the case". Rio, with goddamn bedroom eyes: "that's not why I came over."
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But then when Agatha looks overwhelmed she immediately course-corrects and encourages her to talk about the case. Love me a boundary-respecting king. Real talk, she's been respecting those boundaries for a long time. And even if she's quite angry at Agatha, she won't unleash all that on her when she's so defenseless.
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She pushes a little, and the moment it's too much for Agatha she steps back and regroups. She's being SO gentle.
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That's fascinating that her subconscious knows what happened to Billy. Exactly how connected are they?
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Whoops, we're leaning in again.
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She says yes so openly. When the real Agatha has been running away from Rio and this confrontation for centuries! The real Agatha is SCREAMING in terror, but he body won't listen because it's fallen back into that feeling of domesticity and trust. This is the same body that will always yearn to kiss Rio. The mind that categorically forbids it is shut away for the time being.
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Why is Rio trying to wake Agatha up? She could let her stay like this. She could easily make Agnes O'Connor fall in love. The two main reasons why she doesn't are: because she's so fucking angry with her, and she wants them to finally have a mature conversation about Nicky and she needs Agatha to understand that she's hurting too. The second reason is - because she loves her too much. It's honestly just that. She cannot let Agatha live like this, tortured, imprisoned, without agency. She want to have a mature conversation with the real Agatha, she wants to get angry with the real Agatha, most of all she wants Agatha to be okay. Do you see the difference? She's not just in love with her, because being in love is a selfish act, but to love someone is fundamentally selfless. And she will keep loving Agatha no matter if they are together or not. She loves her enough to bend the rules of the universe for her. She just... she loves her.
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and this, letting Agatha exist in this form, is a punishment too cruel for Rio to allow
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The half smile, the bitterness behind it. An Agatha who doesn't hate her is just a beautiful fantasy, but Rio knows better.
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it's Billy! and another mirror! yep, that's a theme.
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Ha, the real Sharon was calling him a hooligan. RIP sharon, gone too soon
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so intense!!?! even when she's not doing it on purpose, her characters are cheesy and cliched. and it takes a lot of talent to write a bad show too, so kudos to jac schaeffer & co
go to part 3
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mintedwitcher · 9 hours ago
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Thinking about this again.
Thinking about the double-edged guilt of both Tommy and Eddie, both blaming themselves for Buck getting hurt.
"I shouldn't have made Bobby switch the two of you," Tommy snaps, seven hours after the crash, five hours deep into Evan's surgery.
"You didn't do shit, I was the one who told him to just shut up and swap," Eddie snaps right back, fists clenched. "It should've been me in that chopper."
Lucy's okay, miracle of miracles, but Evan's surgery is taking longer than expected. He'd been in nearly critical condition by the time they'd found him in the wreckage, and it had taken far too long to actually extract and transport him. Tommy's nerves are stretched thin.
"You're damn right," Tommy says, glaring at Eddie, at Bobby. "Why the hell did you let me spout that bullshit? I should've been able to stow my crap for one goddamn call!"
"Gentlemen, if you can't be civil, we'll have to ask you to leave," one of the nurses says, exasperated. Tommy and Eddie shoot her matching venomous glares. It's not really her fault, and Tommy does feel guilty for it.
The rest of the 118 are there too, along with Maddie, Athena, and Karen. None of the children are present, which Tommy is grateful for. He doesn't think he could stomach listening to all the kids asking if their Uncle Buck was gonna survive this shit.
"You know what," Eddie says, shaking his head. He points towards the doors. "Come on, let's get this over with."
Tommy follows, the simmering guilt in his gut turning to rage the longer Eddie stays silent as they walk out of the hospital together. Eventually, Eddie whirls around on him, and it's only years of training that allows Tommy to catch Eddie's fist before it can connect.
"Yeah, you should've stowed your crap," Eddie snaps. "You fucking idiot, he loves you. He's been in love with you since, fuck, I don't even know when. And you broke his heart, and now... you couldn't just bite your fucking tongue, and now the last words he might've heard from you are 'get off the radio'."
"What else was I supposed to do, huh?" Tommy snarls back, throwing a hook of his own that sails over Eddie's ducked head. "Let him carry on with the hero-worship and get my heart broken later down the line when he finally realises that I'm not perfect?"
"You can't just keep running from your problems!" Eddie shouts. "Buck loves you. He wants long-term with you, and you're chickening out because, what, he admires you too much?"
"What would you know about it, huh? Perfect Eddie Diaz," Tommy sneers. Eddie scoffs, loud and bitter.
"You know the answer to that already," Eddie says. He shakes his head. "I let the love of my life run away from me. More than once. I screwed up in every way imaginable. And I'm fucking miserable, Tommy. So is Buck. So are you."
"I don't know what to do," Tommy admits. Eddie sighs.
"Well, first," he says, "just be there. Buck's easy, man. All he wants is to be appreciated, to be seen for who he is. He wants someone to fight for him just as hard as he'd fight for everyone else in his life. That could still be you."
Silence stretches until Tommy sighs, shaking his head.
"Not after this," Tommy says, defeated. "I'm the reason he's hurt."
"Tommy. If you leave right now, you'll regret it for the rest of your life," Eddie warns him.
Tommy swallows. Nods. Shoves his hands into his pockets.
"When he wakes up... tell him I'm sorry," Tommy says. "For everything."
yes yes I know we all want the Tommy copter crash whump BUT it's been two seasons since Buck has had a near death experience.
put him in the chopper, but not with Tommy.
"I can't work with him," Tommy says in an undertone to Bobby, watching Buck across the tarmac grabbing his gear from the 118's truck. "I get that you want us to talk, but this is a serious crisis, Captain, we can't afford distractions."
"Buck's professional, he won't--" Bobby tries, but Tommy shakes his head.
"I don't doubt his professionalism, I doubt my own," Tommy says. "Give me Eddie, Lucy can take Buck."
"Alright, if you're sure," Bobby says. Tommy nods and beelines it back to his chopper before Buck can join their conversation. But he sees the moment Bobby relays the new orders. The slump to his shoulders, the twist of his face. He cuts a glare over at Tommy, who looks away immediately, afraid of being caught staring. Not that it matters.
The choppers go up. Eddie's buckled in next to Tommy. Everything's going fine. The radio crackles to life.
"Not to be unprofessional," says Buck's voice, bitter and sulking, over the radio, "but do you think this wind is gonna be an issue for the landing? Over."
Eddie rolls his eyes and sighs. Tommy frowns.
"Is Donato worried? Over."
"No but you know what they say about wind. It never knows which direction it's going. Over."
Tommy's jaw clenches.
"Get off the radio, Buckley," he snaps.
"Or what, huh? You'll walk away again?" Buck demands.
"Okay, can we save the domestic for later?" Lucy interrupts, clearly pissed off. "We have a job to do, and I didn't sign on to sit here and listen to you two-- SHIT"
"Donato?"
"Tommy." Eddie's voice is dark, filled with dread. Tommy looks out of the passenger side window, just in time to see the other helicopter begin to nosedive towards the ground. Tommy's heart drops right alongside it.
"Evan..."
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blackenedsnow · 3 days ago
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Ooo I have another fun idea! How about a friends with benefits relationship with Beetlejuice which ends up turning into genuine romance?
Like they literally met because Beetlejuice tried marrying them to get free, which doesn't work, and he ends up continuing to seek the reader out because they interest him and they go along with his shenanigans
During all those years they've known each other they've ended up being very close friends and roommates of sorts (who have absolutely slept with each other multiple times and will continue to do so) but they also unconsciously tend to act like an actual, loving couple
Anyone mistakes them for being a couple? Neither or them correct or deny that claim and just go along with it
Then Beetlejuice ends up realizing that he's deeply in love with them and he genuinely wants to marry them, not just to be free anymore
Sorry for rambling, this is how I write my oc's relationship with him and it's so much fun to write :3
dead serious
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WARNING: None
PAIRING: Beetlejuice x Reader
NOTE: I love this idea SO much! Thank you for sending this request, and I hope you enjoy! Please feel free to drop more ideas like this anytime—I'd love to bring them to life. <3
SUMMARY: Beetlejuice thought it was just a bit of fun—until one day, he realizes he’s dead serious about you.
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It all started with Beetlejuice trying to marry you.
The memory was a bit of a haze, him in that ridiculous striped tux, a minister who’d looked like he’d stepped out of a Halloween party, and a whole lot of confusion. Of course, the whole “marriage for freedom” thing didn’t work out, and somewhere between you foiling his plan and that wicked glint in his eye, Beetlejuice decided you were worth sticking around for.
Over the years, you two had… an arrangement. It was strange, fun, sometimes loud, and weirdly comfortable. You became roommates of sorts, though he tended to crash wherever suited his mood—on the couch, on the floor, in random places all over your home. You’d gone from reluctantly amused by him to genuinely fond of him. The playful insults, the late nights, the times you both ended up in each other’s arms—it all somehow just worked.
And despite both of you calling it “friends with benefits”, anyone who saw you two together assumed you were a couple. You two acted the part without even realizing it: hanging off each other, teasing, little gestures that were oddly affectionate. Beetlejuice’s arm often found its way around your shoulders, or you’d catch him leaning into your space with that wolfish grin of his, not minding any extra closeness.
Every time someone would go, “Oh, so you two are together?” Beetlejuice would just flash his sharp grin and shrug, “They just can’t get enough of me.” And you? You’d just roll your eyes and play along, half-laughing, “Someone’s gotta put up with him, right?”
But then one day, Beetlejuice started realizing that his feelings were a little too real. Maybe it was the time you calmed him down after he’d picked a fight with some Neitherworld spirits, gently telling him to stop being such an idiot as he just grinned at you, too close for comfort. Or maybe it was the time he woke up, half-sprawled across your lap, and you’d fallen asleep right beside him, looking peaceful in a way that made something in his long-dead heart flicker.
But the moment that hit him hardest was the time a stranger came up and assumed you were married.
“Oh, how long have you two been together?” they asked, clearly mistaking the two of you as something much more than a casual fling. Beetlejuice looked at you, wondering if you’d laugh it off as usual, but instead, you just shrugged with a grin, “Feels like forever, doesn’t it, Beej?”
“Yeah,” he murmured, caught off guard by the sudden warmth he felt in his chest. “Forever and then some.”
That was the beginning of the end—he couldn’t deny it anymore. He didn’t just want to mess around, have his fun, or even just be free from the Neitherworld. He wanted you. He wanted to be the one who could make you laugh, who you’d come home to, who you’d stick around for.
You two were in your usual rhythm when it happened. You were in the kitchen, cooking up something simple, and he was leaning against the counter, watching you with a smirk.
“Ya know,” he said, “you’re real cute when you’re domestic.”
You raised an eyebrow, flipping something in the pan. “Thanks, I guess? You’ve seen me make breakfast, like, a hundred times.”
“Yeah, but it’s still cute,” he said, brushing it off like it was no big deal. He got that look in his eye, though—the one that said he was winding up for something.
As you turned to grab something from the fridge, you felt him sidle up behind you. His hands rested on either side of you, and he dipped his head down, voice going surprisingly soft.
“I think I’m in love with you.”
You froze. For a moment, you thought maybe he was joking, this was so random, but something in his tone was different, almost… vulnerable.
“Uh,” you said, turning around to face him, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips, “are you serious?”
He gave a sheepish grin, scratching the back of his head. “As serious as I get, babe! Which, y’know, is pretty serious.” There was a nervous glint in his eye, something real.
You stared at him, feeling a rush of emotions you hadn’t fully let yourself consider before. He was looking at you like he’d just discovered something precious.
“You mean it?” you asked, still not entirely believing it.
He groaned, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, mushy stuff. I mean it, alright? I’m not saying it just to, y’know…” He shrugged, looking off to the side, “get outta the Neitherworld or whatever. I just… want to.”
A warmth spread in your chest. “Well, I… I love you too.”
His eyes lit up, and his grin widened until it looked like it would split his face. “See? We’re a match made in—well, not heaven, but close enough!”
You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “How romantic.”
“Oh, you love it,” he said, pulling you into a kiss that was surprisingly soft, lingering in a way that felt different from all the other times. When you broke apart, he looked at you with a glimmer of something new, something genuine. But still... ew.
“Say, what d’you think about actually making it official?” he asked, voice a little gruffer than usual. “I know the whole marriage thing didn’t pan out last time, but what if we tried again? For real.”
You blinked, taking a moment to process. “You’re not just doing this to get out of—”
“Nah,” he interrupted, waving a hand dismissively. “I mean, yeah, I’d love to get free of the Neitherworld for good, but that’s not why I’m asking now. I’m askin’ ’cause… well, it’s you.”
A lump formed in your throat, and you nodded. “Alright. Let’s do it.”
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aliceintheworld · 1 day ago
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PURE ATTRACTION | JJK | TATTOO ARTIST
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Pairing: TattooArtistJungkook X NaiveReader
Summary: "I shouldn’t be watching a man undressing, specially not from the house next door."
Warning: Angst 🥺 conversation about suicide, depression, uncertainty about oneself, Misuk being the best character of all 🫶 Namjoon finally makes an appearance (he appears a little, but then a little more, I promise) Jungkook being an idiot – forgive him, for he doesn't know what he's doing.
A/N: I'm back!! First, I wanted to thank you all for the affection I've been receiving. Thank you so much for the messages and interactions! If you want to send non-anonymous messages, I even prefer it, because I can follow you 🥰 Pure Attraction is a not very elaborate story, I know, but it has become an important part of my life, so I thank you for reading all these chapters, you don't know how much this means. Without further ado, here is the chapter.
P.S.: Later, still today, I will post the next chapter 🤌
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
Chapter 10
The journey back home has never felt so long. Minutes pass, yet it feels as if the clock's hands are stuck. I try to take a deep breath, but I can't. My head is filled with memories, occasions when I could have done something different. I was so foolish, so stupid. Filled with regret, I can't even look at myself in the reflection of the window. I remember my father, my mother, and I wonder what they would say if they knew I made a mistake with no way to turn back. My eyes fill with tears, almost instantly, for the fourth time today alone. Mrs. Jeon remains silent, looking through the coffee table of her house.
She sighs and gaze at her own hands before locking eyes with me, as if she understands me in some way. But I don’t know if anyone could comprehend what I’m going through at this moment. I feel... used. As if, even with my consent, Jungkook took advantage of me, of my innocence and of my inexperience. At the same time, I can't place all the blame on him. I made a mistake, I should have been more cautious and I let him inside of my life.
"Are you okay?" Misuk asks, almost in a whisper. I try to shake my head and force a smile, but I can't. She sways her hair and clicks her tongue nervously. "I can't believe Jungkook did this to you, dear. He’s my son, but I don’t agree with any of this."
"He’s not the only one to blame," I deny; I barely recognize my own voice, weak and trembling.
The last time I saw myself this way was when, during a difficult year, I didn't want to visit my father's grave, and my mother opposed it. The anguish is different, but equally overwhelming.
"Can you explain how you two got so… close?" she questions. "I mean, it hasn’t been long since he came to Busan. Did you have many opportunities to talk?"
"A few." I shrug. That doesn’t matter now. I’m angry and don’t want to talk to anyone. I want to lock myself in my room and pretend everything was a terrible nightmare. "Sorry, I don't even know where to begin. I feel awful."
"You can talk to me."
"You’re his mother."
"I am." She smiles, placing a hand on mine, gently caressing my skin. I immediately feel a maternal love and care I haven’t experince in years. My crying intensifies as I realize that the person I need right now isn’t with me—my mother. Even if she were here, she wouldn’t help. She would judge me, make me feel bad about my mistakes, just as she has done in the past, and I don't need this right now. "Y/N, I’m Jungkook’s mother, but I understand what you’re going through. You have no idea."
"What do you mean?" I frown, confused. Her dark eyes fill with tears, just like mine.
"When I was around your age, I fell in love with a man. He was two years older, and so handsome. He seemed like a dream, someone so different from me, yet so similar—almost like he was a part of me." She tells me looking ahead, as if she could see the memories playing out before her. "He is Jungkook’s father. He was my first love."
"What do you mean?" I whisper. "Mr. Jeon isn’t Jungkook’s father?"
"He isn’t." She shakes her head. "That’s why I say I understand you. It was the first time I fell in love with someone. It was also the first time my trust was broken. When he found out I was pregnant, he left. I was alone, working a part-time job I didn’t even like, that paid poorly and had no support. Those were the worst years of my life."
"Misuk, I don’t know what to say," I respond, with a knot in my throat. She had never shared this while we talked about the past. But I understand her, in a way. It must be hard to relive those memories, and even harder to confide them to someone.
"You don’t have to say anything. I, after all this time, have moved on. The fear of being abandoned, however, still hasn’t healed, even with twenty-six years gone by." She smiles again, but I know she’s more hurt than she wants to show. "Dear, I care about you. I love you like a daughter, even. You’ve been with me during these days, and we’ve grown so close. I see parts of myself in you. The way my mother treated me, the absence of my father. It’s all so similar. That’s why I say I understand you."
"It all happened so… suddenly." I comment to myself, looking down. The shame of crying, and the shame of what I did, prevent me from looking her in the eyes. "I know I should have been more careful, but I was so happy... I don't get it."
"Jungkook, being more experienced than you, should have talked to you, asked what your expectations were, and told you what his intentions were. If he didn’t want something serious, a commitment, he should have warned you." She argues, not letting me continue. It’s as if she wants to lift the guilt I’m feeling, and I'm really thankful for that.
"Yes, but I was so naive. I was a fool to think he could like me the same way I like him." I groan, covering my face as more tears come. My chest hurts just remembering him. His kisses, his touches. He was so gentle with me, treating me like no one else ever had. He listened to me, and that was enough for me.
"Did you... did you have sex?" Misuk asks, running her hand along my back in a comforting gesture that soothes my pain, at least a little.
"I-I... Misuk..."
"It’s okay. You can trust me. You can open up and tell me." She smiles, without judgment. I just shake my head embarrassed, exposed, somewhat humiliated.
"We did it last night. It was very sudden." I try to explain, even if I don’t have many words to do it.
"Was it your first time? Is that why Eunji thinks you slept at my house? She said that yesterday, and I didn’t understand."
"Yes, but that night was the first time I slept at his apartament and we hadn’t done... you know."
"You hadn’t had sex, just other things." She concludes with a smile, tucking my hair behind my ear.
My cheeks burn, even when I try not to. It’s very difficult to talk about this kind of subject, even with Misuk, because I never had anyone to talk to when I was a teenager. My view of sex always came from books, whether educational or romantic.
"That’s it." I confirm, shaking my head.
"Are you in love?" Mrs. Jeon asks me when a silence falls between us.
I take a moment, reflecting about the question as if it were the most difficult one of my life. What does it mean to be in love? Is it feeling a flutter in your chest every time you see the person? Is it having a wild rush of energy that courses through your body uncontrollably? Is it standing still and feeling your heart race a thousand miles an hour? Is it missing that person and wanting to hear from them every day? If that’s the case, then yes, I’m in love. The realization of this fact hurts me even more. It makes me feel weaker. How could I be so foolish? How could I think someone would be interested in me when no one else had?
A flood of memories overwhelms me. If I had known I’d feel this pain, I would have never gotten close to Jungkook. I would have shut my window the first time I saw him, and never opened up again.
"It’s okay." She reassures me, hugging me. I hug her back, trying to purge the feeling of rejection that’s almost lodged in my chest.
"He just turned his back on me. He didn’t even see me when I left. It’s as if he got what he wanted and then I wasn’t worth the effort anymore." I vent, hurt, too wounded to stop the words pouring out.
"Jungkook is a fool." She shakes her head, pressing her lips together. "At the same time, he’s stuck in this messed-up relationship. I’ve told him millions of times that they’re not good for each other. I told him that true love doesn’t hurt, doesn’t deceive, but he’s stubborn like no one else."
"Does he really talk to his ex?" I ask, hoping it’s not as I imagine. That maybe they talk, but not as much as I’ve put in my head.
"The last time we talked about this was two days ago. He told me Namjoon called him, and they had a conversation for twenty minutes. He’s very deluded." She shakes her head, angry. Two days ago we were texting. I know we had no commitment and hadn’t established anything, but to me it’s worse to know he didn’t respect this moment. That it didn’t mean anything to him. While I melted over our messages and smiled like a fool for his attention, he was with his ex, doing the same with someone else.
"Did Namjoon really cheat on Jungkook? Why does he still try? Why does he still talk to him?"
"Namjoon was his first boyfriend. They were together for almost five years, and at one point, they practically lived together. When Jungkook was alone in Seoul, working in a tattoo studio, he met Namjoon and fell in love almost at first sight. He was very shy, introverted, with few friends in the new city. I think that helped them form a strong connection." Misuk explains. She seems to know a lot about the situation, as if she followed everything in detail, even from a distance.
"Have you ever met him... I mean, have you met Namjoon?" I ask, hesitant. My heart races for some reason. My hands feel cold with anxiety.
"Yes." She nods, sighing. "He’s a great guy, I can’t deny that. He works at a book publishing company, very intelligent and kind. I think that’s why Jungkook fell for him. At the same time, Namjoon is someone who wants more. He wants to achieve other things, and when the relationship got in the way of his goals, he didn’t think twice before stepping on everything they built together. Jungkook was devastated."
"How long ago was that?"
"About three months." She says; her body suddenly tenses. "That’s when I tried to take my own life."
"Mrs. Jeon... Jungkook told me what happened." I say, not really knowing if it’s right to tell her the truth. But it’s the first time she’s opened up about the subject, and I don’t think it’s fair, especially now that she told me so much about her past, to hide this from her. Her eyes widen, and then she smiles awkwardly.
"He really is an idiot. He must have told you to keep an eye on me." She says, shaking her head as if recalling her son’s actions, however she doesn't seen to hold any resentment towards him, regarding this. "He’s always been very careful. Always very protective. Jungkook has his flaws, but I think I understand why you fell for him. He’s stubborn but takes care of those he loves. I feel guilty for, even unknowingly, adding this weight to his shoulders. I’ve been feeling better now."
"Are you really okay?" I ask, somewhat uncertain.
"I am. I’m taking my medication, going to therapy, and visiting support groups once a week. Sometimes when I feel bad, I seek comfort. I know that ending my life isn’t an option. I don’t want to leave my son alone." She states. I search her eyes for any hint of untruth, anything that tells me she’s not okay, but I find nothing. I’m glad to know that, at least she, is evolving and improving. "But you know what’s making me feel better, Y/N?"
"What?" I ask, eager to know the answer. Whatever it is, I need an urgent dose of what is making her feel better.
"You." She smiles; more tears appear in her eyes, this time from happiness. "You’ve made my days better. I want you to know you can count on me. For everything." She confesses. Her voice deepens as I break down again.
"Thank you so much." I say sincerely. I have a friend. I have someone I can count on, and that brings me such a great relief that it feels like I could die.
"It’s okay. No more crying Y/N." She gets up from the couch, smiling. She raises her arms and wipes her face with her shirt. "Dear, tell me. Did you use protection? Did you take precautions?"
"No." I flush at the confession, feeling like a child who has no idea of the consequences of her actions. "He went out to buy a morning-after pill, but you arrived and..."
"It’s fine. Don’t worry." She holds her hands up, as if all of this doesn’t matter. "You don’t need to explain. I know that in the heat of the moment, you don’t think about anything. That’s why I had Jungkook when I was twenty." She laughs, making me feel even more embarrassed. "I’ll buy you a pill. Don’t worry; everything will be fine."
"Mrs. Jeon, you don’t have to. I'm going to do it."
"I don’t want to be a grandma so young, Y/N." She jokes, making me laugh too. "And it’s not a problem at all. I want to see you well, and that’s what matters."
"Thank you." I express my gratitude. Not just for the pill, but for everything. Even though it hurts, being here with her alleviates, at least a little, the torment I’m feeling.
"You don’t need to thank me. Everything will be okay." She assures me, and I accept it. I pray to God that all of this I’m feeling will soon come to an end.
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"Y/N, what are you doing here?" I hear a voice behind me. I don’t look right away, afraid to fall.
Since the library shelves are very high, I usually use a mobile ladder to organize the books, so before I make sure who it is, I carefully step down the rungs. When I finally reach the ground, I regret coming down. It’s Hayun, Jungkook’s friend. Not because of her, of course, as I enjoyed meeting her, but because of him, who has kept me awake for the past three days.
"Are you okay? It’s been a while since we last saw each other." She smiles. She approaches and kisses my cheek suddenly. She seems to genuinely like me, and I’m grateful for that. Her outgoing personality couldn’t be better right now. My energy, ever since that argument happened, has been dwindling.
"I’m okay." I say, putting on my best smile. "And you? How have you been?"
"Busier every day. With the move and everything."
"You’re moving?" I ask, curious.
"Yes, didn’t Jungkook tell you?" She asks, and just the mention of his name makes my chest ache. The crying and tears have passed, but I’m far from normal with everything that happened. He hasn’t sent me any messages, and I can’t stop thinking that somehow, I was just a conquest for him. A night of sex that is already forgotten.
"No, he didn’t tell me. We haven’t... talked."
"Seriously? He’s been talking a lot about you." I raise an eyebrow, startled.
"What do you mean? What has he said?" The words fly out of my mouth before I can control myself. Hayun laughs, as if she notices my sudden interest.
"He says random things. That you like to read, or that you’re in college and you cook well. Random stuff like that." She comments, approaching one of the shelves to take a look at a book. "Anyway, I’m moving soon. Me and the guys, we’re all going to Seoul."
"With Jungkook?" I bite my lower lip, intrigued.
"Yeah, I’m from Seoul and wanted to go anyway, but we’ve been talking about everyone moving there for years. We were just waiting for Bora and Taehyung to finish college." She closes the book and puts it back, shrugging. I nod in agreement. Good for them. It feels like I’ll be the only one stuck here, stagnant for the rest of my life. I feel bad. I should make a list of topics I can’t discuss without feeling like a fraud. Damn it.
"That’s great... Hayun, I have to go now. I’m working. But it was nice to see you again." I say sincerely. It’s like seeing her again makes me a little closer to Jungkook. I don’t want to think about him, yet simultaneously, I can’t get enough of him. I’m going to go crazy.
"It was nice to see you too, really." She says, smiling. "I don’t want to bother you or anything, but before you go... I wanted to ask, are you going to the party tonight?"
"What party?" I frown, confused.
"The celebration. The studio opened, and we’re having a party at Yoongi’s house. It’ll be the last one before we move to Seoul. What do you think?" She grabs my arm, full of excitement. I shake my head immediately, flustered. Jungkook probably hasn’t told his friends what happened between us, and I don’t know if I should be sad or happy about that.
"I can’t, really." I respond, trying my best expression.
"Come on! Let’s go, Y/N, it’ll be fun. It’s for Jungkook. It’s important to him."
"It’s precisely because of him I’m not going." I whisper to her, softly. Hayun stops smiling and glares at me intently.
"Did something happen? You can tell me. Did the idiot do something to you?"
"He didn’t do anything." I half-lie, half-try to hide. Him sleeping with me while still talking to his ex isn’t exactly a huge thing. We hadn’t established anything serious yet. Though, in my head, he is wrong in any case.
"If he didn’t do anything, you should go. He’s really happy about the studio. He worked for about four years to save the money he needed."
"Hayun..." I sigh, embarrassed. "Actually, something did happen. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go. It’s to avoid ruining his night that I’m saying no." I finish, somewhat nervously. My body trembles with sadness and bitterness.
"Hey, you can count on me. I won’t tell the idiot anything you say. I’m a jerk, but not a bad friend." She rolls her eyes, clapping her hands together. I chuckle helplessly. She’s funny. I had forgotten this little detail.
"Alright, but I’ll be brief. I really need to get to work." I say. Hayun nods silently in agreement. "Jungkook and I did have a thing."
"I knew it!" She exclaims, in the middle of the hallway. Since it’s a library, her loud voice echoes throughout the place, drawing the attention of the few customers to us. I laugh in despair, covering my mouth with my hand. "Sorry, I spoke too loud. But I knew it! the way he talks about you... he likes you."
"I don’t think he likes me that much." I whisper, losing my smile. "He doesn’t want commitment, and that’s why we drifted apart. He still seems to care a lot about his ex."
"Namjoon." Hayun grunts his name without enthusiasm, rolling her eyes. Her once cheerful face, suddenly tightens. "I know. I liked him until I found out what he did to Jungkook. No one has spoken to him since."
"Yeah. Well. That’s why I think it’s better not to go. I want this to be a good moment for him, anyway. I don’t want to cause any discomfort." I vent, gathering my hands that get sweaty, every time I think about this topic. I have to swallow hard to avoid more tears and appearing like a fool in front of his friend.
"I still think you should go. You won’t ruin anyone’s night; I’m sure of that. And it's Yoongi’s house, it’s not like you can’t go." The brunette argues.
"Even so, the party is for him."
"Y/N, Jungkook won’t be in Busan for long. Don’t you think it’s better for you to talk, whether to end whatever it is you have, so you can both move on without resentment?" She suggests, making me think.
I shake my head for the tenth time in this conversation. I don’t know if it would be a good idea. It’s the first time I’ve ever had feelings for someone, and I don’t know if to end what I feel, I should talk to him. My romantic experiences are based on books, and in books, the heroines are never rejected. Just imagining even for a second, if I go to this party Jungkook will show discomfort or indifference, makes me panic. A strong shiver runs through my whole body with the thought.
"I don’t know if it’s a good idea." I reply, shrugging. Hayun sighs, tapping her boot on the wooden floor.
"Okay. Let’s do this: you’ll go. Stay for five minutes. If you see it’s better not to force things and forget all of this, I’ll take you home myself." She says, putting her hands together as if in prayer.
"You’re quite persistent, huh." I murmur, laughing. I roll my eyes, reflecting. Should I talk to him? Should I give myself a chance to hear him out and maybe understand his side? Even if we don’t end up together, and I end up sad, wouldn’t it be better to finish whatever it is we had, so I can move on?
For the past three days, all I could think about was him. There hasn’t been a single hour where I could relax, read, or watch something like I always did. I sigh, groaning. Then I nod my head, still unsure. My mother is still out of town, and that gives me a little more freedom than usual. Hayun lets out a high-pitched scream and bounces around, hugging me. It’s as if with my decision alone, I’ve made her day happier.
"You’re going to love it! Yoongi’s parties are always so much fun." She assures me with a confidence I don’t have. I went to a party once, and I remember hating everything. Both the music and the people.
"I hope so." I laugh, not very sure about what I’m doing. I want to give up on this idea because it makes no sense, and at the same time, I want to show that I’m brave. That I can face my fears. I don’t want to run away of everything forever.
I can do this!
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I can’t do this. I can’t do this!
I look at my outfit and feel like going back outside, running after the taxi I took to get here. My long dress, made of thick fabric, has nothing to do with what these people wear. It’s as if I live on another planet, literally. The music is upbeat, playing from two speakers in the middle of the room. It’s good, considering the bizarre things I’ve heard out there. The lights are all purple, giving the place a sensual and enigmatic look. There are many people, and none of them I know. On one hand, I thank God for not running into Jungkook. On the other, I wish he’d appear before me out of nowhere, just so I could put an end to all of this, once and for all.
But what would I say? You’re a bastard, Jungkook. You didn’t promise me anything, but actions speak louder than words. Your actions didn’t show me you still loved your ex. I could say all of that, but how would it help me? Being honest with myself, I came because I felt afraid that, that morning, three days ago, would be the last time I would see him. The last time I could look into his eyes and feel his presence. I am truly in love, and I don’t want to hold onto another regret in my life.
I look side to side, trying to find Hayun, but in the middle of so many people, it’s hard to recognize anyone. I walk through the room, bumping into a few women. They don’t mind, though. I don’t know the environment very well, but the further I get from the crowd, the more I can enter the open backyard, which has a huge pool. Hayun sent me the address an hour ago; maybe if I called her, I could find her more easily. When I take my phone out of my small bag, determined to complete the call, I spot a red-haired figure that catches my attention. Yoongi. It must be him. I walk slowly towards his group of friends, feeling apprehensive, afraid of accidentally colliding into Jungkook.
"Y/N! Over here!" I confirm my suspicions when Hayun waves her arms in the air, as she recognizes me despite the low light. I smile faintly, walking closer to everyone. They all seem unbelievably beautiful, well-dressed, with an air of excitement that I don’t possess. "You made it! I thought you got lost."
"I took a taxi. It’s just far from where I live." I apologize, shrugging.
"Don’t worry. I haven’t had anything to drink. If you need anything, I’ll take you home, okay?" She smiles, placing her sunglasses on the top of her head. Hayun looks prettier when she does that. "Guys, look who’s here. Y/N!"
I shake my head, greeting them. They seem happy to see me, which relieves 50% of my worries. My stiff and tense shoulders, from imagining scenarios where none of them wanted to see me. I’m relieved to realize that this isn’t happening in reality.
"Y/N, how are you?" Bora kisses my cheek, just like the other girls. Yoongi, Jimin and Taehyung nod, sipping something from their cups.
"I’m good." I smile, feeling awkward. I look around for Jungkook, but he’s nowhere in sight. At least not as far as I can see. "It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other."
"Right? What have you been up to, Y/N?" Yoori, Taehyung’s girlfriend, asks. I open my mouth to respond, but I don’t have much to say.
"I’ve been working a lot." I say, honestly. Partly because it’s true, and partly because I don’t know how far I can tell. Do Yoongi, Jimin or Taehyung know that I was with Jungkook? I’m so paranoid about this I can hardly look them in their eyes.
"She works at the Dongseo University bookstore. When I went to pick up some books, I found her there." Hayun circles her arm around my shoulder, smiling. I nod in agreement. "Y/N, Jungkook is around here; he went to get something to drink." She whispers the last part in my ear, trying to keep everyone else from hearing, and with all this noise, it’s not too hard.
My breath catches when I think I might run into him at any moment. My heart beats like it’s going to burst out of my chest, and my legs feel like jelly from so much nervousness. When I think of a mantra to calm me down and finally face things like a normal person, head held high, I see him coming toward his friends, not really seeing them. It’s as if he’s so lost in thought that he can’t see anyone a foot in front of him. Hayun beside me suddenly gasps. She mutters something near me, and I only feel her tense body, because she is pressed against mine. Everyone looks at Jungkook with expressions of discomfort that I can't quite understand.
"Y/N, I’m sorry. I didn’t... I didn’t know." She says, shaking her head. I frown, confused. What’s happening?
"What’s wrong? Is everything okay?" I ask, anxious, feeling all kinds of emotions at once.
"That guy next to Jungkook." She says, discreetly pointing to a very handsome man, just a few inches taller than him. "That guy is..."
"Namjoon? What’s he doing here?" Jimin questions, crossing his arms over his chest, interrupting his friend. My eyes widen as they approach. My whole body pulls back, and I want to disappear. To be swallowed by the earth and never inhabit this world again. But it’s too late. Jungkook is already here. And his dark, big eyes grow wider when they see me.
"Y/N?" He asks, confused.
Fuck.
"J-Jungkook. Hi." I nod my head. The fear of making any move and embarrassing myself in front of everyone, is overwhelming. The fear that he might just ignore me and pretend I don’t exist, is even greater. I swallow hard, frozen in place. I can’t even greet him properly.
Jungkook doesn’t move either. He stares at me in a static way, and everyone in the group seems to notice. Even Namjoon, his ex-boyfriend. He’s handsome. With his black hair, lean strong body, and a masculine perfume that exudes confidence. My insecurities about myself intensifies. If I had known he would be here, I would have never come. I was a fool to think this would be a good closure. Jungkook hasn’t wanted to talk to me for the past three days. Why would he want to talk to me now? The urge to cry returns, and I’m tired of this situation.
"I didn’t know you’d come, Namjoon." Hayun says beside me, still with her arms around my shoulders. I lower my head, embarrassed.
"I decided at the last minute. I had to come to support Jungkook." He smiles, and he’s even more attractive when he does, forming charming dimples on his cheeks.
"Wonderful." Yoongi grins, but I have the feeling it’s not very sincere. His dark eyes show feelings far from happiness. "I hope you came to stay for a short time. I don’t want certain people in my house."
"Yoongi!" Jungkook scolds his friend, and my throat tightens. Is he defending his ex-boyfriend? Doesn’t he realize the gravity of what Namjoon did? He cheated on him!
"Don’t worry." He places a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder and squeezes it with an intimacy that makes me extremely uncomfortable. "I came just to see you; I won’t stay long, anyway."
"He was kidding." Jungkook clarifies to him, his voice somewhat hoarse. Then he lowers his head and looks at me again. His eyes are so intense that I have to take a deep breath, struggling to breathe normally. "Actually, I need to talk to Y/N."
"What?" I ask, surprised. My body tenses up again, stiff. Hayun lets out a small smile that everyone notices, and shakes her hair, almost as if the whole situation were a movie, and she’s the spectator.
"I told you it would be a good idea for you to come." She says, and her voice is so loud that it’s as if she wants everyone to hear, especially Namjoon, who bites his lips and watches me. His gaze is enigmatic. I can’t tell if he feels anger or discomfort. Or neither.
"Hayun, please..." I whisper. "And Jungkook, I was actually leaving."
"You weren’t." Hayun argues, furrowing her brow. "You just got here, and you’re staying. You’re welcome here."
"I don’t know..."
"Please, Y/N, I wanted to talk to you. Stay a little longer." Jungkook whispers, biting his rosy lips. His face looks sad, but I can’t believe it’s because of me. If he liked me, even a little, he wouldn’t be standing next to his ex with almost an intimate proximity. I can’t understand him. Not at all.
"Okay." I agree, uncomfortable with everyone watching us, as if we’re animals in a zoo. I don’t want to imagine what they’re thinking.
"Namjoon, I’ll talk to Y/N. I’ll be back soon." He smiles faintly, looking at the dark-haired man. Namjoon just nods and gaze at me one more time.
"Okay. No problem. I’ll stay here with your friends." He says, and I catch a glimpse of Jimin sighing as he takes a large gulp of his drink.
We move away from the group in silence. His hand approaches the end of my back, but he doesn’t touch me. My brain feels like it’s going to fry. There’s so much I want to say, and at the same time, so much that isn’t worth saying. I feel so bad. The way he said he would return to his ex is one of those reasons. Why does he stay in this relationship? Doesn’t he realize he would be happier if he just distanced himself from Namjoon? But that’s my opinion, and he clearly doesn’t think that way. We approach a tree, further away from the party, in the backyard. I lean my back against it, fearing I won’t have strength in my legs. I can’t even look him in the eyes. I don’t have the courage for that. We stand in silence for a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity.
"Are you okay?" He asks me quietly. If he weren’t so close and we weren’t so far from the music, I wouldn’t be able to hear him.
"I am." I respond, trying to form a smile that isn’t real. "And you?"
"Yeah." He smiles too; he tosses his hair back, closes his eyes and sighs, watching me. "You look very beautiful."
"Thank you." I say, feeling awkward. I don’t feel beautiful; I feel terrible.
"Y/N, I don’t know what to say." He says, placing his hand on the trunk of the tree, behind me. His scent invades my nose whether I like it or not. I have to use all my self-control not to respond to any of his movements. "I haven’t been well since that morning. I don’t feel good."
"You don’t feel good." I repeat his words, finding it amusing. He doesn’t feel good? Seriously?
"You may not believe it, but I had to hold myself back from calling you."
"You could have called." I shrug, speaking. My voice sounds ironic, but I can’t be any different. I’m angry. So angry and sad. It’s as if all the bad feelings are inside my chest right now.
"I could, but I shouldn’t. I wanted to take some time to think, and you needed that too." He argues, furrowing his brow. "I want you to know that Namjoon is here, but I didn’t know he would come. It was a surprise to me too."
"You must have been thrilled." I respond with a not-so-happy smile. Jungkook runs his tongue along the inside of his cheek, and tightens his jaw, irritated.
"I wasn’t thrilled. I’m not happy, if that’s what you're saying."
"Jungkook... I get it. You want to be with him. I may be inexperienced, but I can read the situation. You don’t need to explain yourself to me. There’s nothing to explain. I just came because I wanted to say I’m happy for you. To congratulate you. Just that."
"You didn’t come just for that." He says in denial. "I can see it in your eyes."
"You know me so well, don’t you?" I respond ironically, trying to hide the extent to which I’m affected. I want to leave. I shouldn’t have come to this party. I shouldn’t be here with him.
"Y/N, please..."
"Jungkook, what are you doing here with me?" I lose my patience, finally reaching my limit. I push away from the tree, my stomach churning. "Why aren’t you with him? With Namjoon? I’m not important to you, so why are you pretending like I am?!"
"I already told you to stop acting like you know me better than I know myself." He grunts, his face reddening with anger.
"It doesn’t matter what you say. I’ve already told you: actions speak louder than words, and you’ve proven that to me since that morning. You didn’t call me for three days simply because you didn’t want to!"
"Y/N..."
"You don’t want to be with me, and that’s fine. You don’t have to be. I already understand where your limits are; just... just don’t pretend to like me if you don’t care about me!" I finish, trembling. My eyes fill with tears, and I feel so vulnerable, anxious. Jungkook has always brought out the best in me, and now I don’t even recognize myself.
"I care about you." He moves closer, furrowing his brows. His dark eyes grow bright. If it weren’t for the lack of light, I could swear he’s about to cry too. He gets even closer and touches my cheek with his hand, gently caressing my skin, sending chills down my spine. I want to pull away from him, but I can’t. "Y/N, I really like you. I didn’t call because I needed some time."
"Stop..." I plead, in a whisper. Both for his words and for his touches. I wrap my hand around his wrist, but I don’t halt him from continuing. I don’t move, half weak, half uncertain, afraid he’ll stop and nervous he’ll keep going.
"I missed you." Jungkook says softly in my ear. His body almost fully pressed against mine. His breath hits my neck; his strong chest touching my breasts. And I don’t know if it’s his heart or mine, racing a thousand miles an hour, so fast and strong.
"Jungkook, stop." I beg, but I can’t pull away myself. He takes his face away from my neck and looks at me once more. His pupils dilate, and they go straight to my mouth. A shiver runs through my entire body as he moistens his lips with his tongue, with a desire so exposed that I can’t mistake it for anything else. And I let him come closer, so damn slowly, as if we’re in slow motion. When I finally close my eyes, surrendered, hypnotized, I hear someone calling him.
"Jungkook?"
Ask for a TAGLIST in the comments
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@joonwater @ane102 @ttipa @kookienooki
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visualtaehyun · 16 hours ago
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Hii sorry I absolutely just spammed your inbox with notifs 🫣 you're doing God's work with the Thai language meta, I love it because I speak zero Thai and reading your posts makes me feel like I understand those characters a little better 💕 also I saw that you're into pronouns and I wanted to ask, if you have some time - do you have any favorite pronouns, terms of endearment or in general ways to address someone that you particularly like? If you don't feel like answering it's cool! We can just pretend I wasn't here lmao
Hiii~ Lemme just say right out of the gate- I love your ask so much 🥹 And I'm always delighted whenever I spot someone clearly reading several of my posts in a row so don't even worry about spamming me or anything hehe
On to your question-
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so many
I'm probably most partial to หนู /nuu/ but I'm fond in general of a lot of affectionate or sweet ways to address someone younger because I'm already fond of this in my first language, German :) (This isn't gonna make sense if you don't know any German lol but for example- I call my younger sister 'Hase' and will call kids 'Maus', one of my older colleagues likes to call us others stuff like 'Zarte', 'Kleine', 'Zartes Reh' (this woman is adorable), and my grandma calls me 'Liebes' or 'Kind'.)
Apart from หนู /nuu/, there's น้อง [name] /nong/ [name] which I love!! I remember how warm it felt to hear my great-uncle's wife who's Thai say กินเยอะๆนะลูก /gin yuh yuh na, luuk/ (=Eat a lot, child) while putting another serving of her homecooked food on my plate. I coo every time a parent character on a show drops a surprise animal nickname for their child like ลูกหมา /luuk maa/ (= puppy), ลูกหมี /luuk mee/ (=baby bear), ลูกแมว /luuk maaeo/ (=kitten). And while we're on the topic of animal comparisons- I think the word บ้อกแบ้ก/บ๊อกแบ๊ก /beok baek/ (=akin to 'pupper', someone cute with the vibes or energy of a doggo) is so cute and descriptive!
Then there's two habits I see often that both make for cute pet names: 1) doubling and 2) shortening. 1) Taking one syllable or word and doubling it makes it so cute! Like when fans call P'Zee พึกพึก /pheuk pheuk/, from his first name Pruk พฤกษ์ /phreuk/, when he's behaving like the cute but cheeky little brother he is at heart 😂 Or the nicknames Khanin and Charan give each other in The Next Prince novels, first jokingly to get on each other's nerves but later lovingly: อั่งอั๊ง /ang ang/ and ดื่อดื้อ /deuu deuu/ from 'uncle' and ดื้อ /deuu/ (=misbehaving, stubborn, naughty). 2) I see this mostly with originally English words for some reason? For example บี๋ /bee/, shortened from 'baby', and มี๊ /mee/, shortened from 'mommy' which is how a lot of Thai fans are called and call themselves.
And then we've got the funny ones! I love a good register-mixing, like Tan in We Are going คุณมึงครับ /khun meung khrap/ (=kinda like- "Mr. Dude, sir?"). And the word ควาย /khwaai/ (=lit. buffalo; idiot) will always, without fail, make me laugh! Most recently, on Apple My Love Natty calls Kris อีควายน้อย /ee'khwaai noi/ (=lit. you little buffalo; you little idiot).
Lastly, a special shoutout to คนเก่ง /khohn geng/ and คนดี /khohn dee/ which I find kinda hard to translate because 'talented one/person' and 'good person', respectively, just don't have the same sweet ring to it as the Thai! Especially when a character says it to their loved one like คนเก่งของพี่ /khohn geng khaawng phi/ (=my talented one) 🥰
Sorry I took so long to reply and now my answer's a ramble and a half slsdjkskls Thank you so much for this fun question though~ I highly encourage anyone who reads this to reply with their own personal favorite terms of endearment, no matter the language ✨
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majoryeager104 · 21 hours ago
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Sweet nothings
A/n I’m still working on Betrayal part 4 so I figured I’d drop this lmao
Touya x gn!reader
Summary: You love Touyas scars, and he’s confused as hell about it
Warnings: language, a sprinkle of coquette angst, but fairly fluffy 👌😌
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“What the hell are you doing?”
“Petting you”
“Use any other word for the love of God”
“Stroking you”
“Fuck you”
Touya rolled his eyes, cringing at your use of words. The two of you were flopped over on an old couch in an abandoned apartment building, the leagues current ‘base’. There you were, lying between his legs, your fingers tracing feather light patterns on his left arm, your very fingertips sending shivers down his spine as they brushed faintly against his scarred skin. 
His face was contorted into a frown when you looked at him, his brow furrowed, his nose crinkled slightly- adorable, you thought, giggling up at him. He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he shifted underneath you
“Quit touching my scars, it’s annoying”
He said hoarsely, moving his arms to rest his head behind him. You pouted, sitting up on your elbows. “No it’s not! Why don’t you ever let me touch your scars?”
“You do touch em. When I let you.” He smirked at your pout, pleased with himself, as well as his bossy retort. “You’re just mean” you sighed, lying back down against his chest. You smiled slyly as snuck your hand up under his shirt, your fingers brushing against the scar wrapping his torso. You felt him huff underneath you, as if annoyed, but you heard his heart rate pick up too. He likes this. 
“Why’d you wanna touch em anyways?” He scoffed, unmoving as he stares at the ceiling. You giggle a bit, your fingers continuing to brush along the burnt and scarred skin plastered across his abdomen. The cold feeling of the staples holding his skin together had become oddly comforting for you, but you’d always wondered what he’d look like without them… the staples, the scars, the trauma. 
“Because your scars deserve some love every once in a while too” you said softly, your fingers’ pace coming to a stop over the warm charred surface of his skin. He sucked in a soft breath, blinking at your words. You always found a way to say the right things to him, and he could never find a way to reciprocate.
“…they’re ugly as hell”
“I don’t think so”
You responded so quickly, like it was nothing. He couldn’t help the small sigh he let out at your soft voice. These moments reminded him just how much he loved you. 
“They’re a part of you… I can wish it wasn’t like this all I want…but that doesn’t make them go away…so I’ll appreciate them”
You said it like it was simple, and to him it sounded like some sort of promise. He closed his eyes, reveling in the small affections you always doted him with. Slowly, he laid his arms around you once more, letting you continue your gentle touches, because no matter what he said, he craved them, and you knew it. 
“You’re stupid”
“Never said I wasn’t”
“I love you, idiot”
“I love you too, Touya”
A/n y’all I can’t stop associating Taylor Swift with Touya 😭😭😭 I love him it’s ruining my life
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schrijverr · 1 day ago
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No, Daddy, I Want Papi’s Helmet
Divergence from chapter 18 to 19, where Chris gives the secret away when he’s staying at the 118 firehouse after Abuela broke her hip. In this universe, the PT switch didn’t happen, facilitating the reveal.
On AO3.
Ships: Buddie (pre-slash)
Warnings: ableism mention, homophobia mention
~~~
Eddie buckles Chris in with tense shoulders and Buck wishes he could make it better, wishes he never suggested it with Chris in hearing range, because then Eddie wouldn’t have felt obliged to say yes.
Buck could have just gone back to the station and convinced Bobby that Eddie really needed to stay with his Abuela and he’d be fine without a partner for the day. He feels like an idiot for opening his big mouth and making Eddie uncomfortable. Both of them know the chances of any of this ending well are improbably low.
So, he anxiously watches Eddie fuss with the seatbelt, before he closes the car door. Wanting to know where his head is at, before they walk into the lion’s den, Buck asks: “What are you thinking?”
“That this is going to be a shit show,” Eddie answers honestly, rubbing his face.
“It’s not determined they’re going to find out.”
“He calls you papi, Buck.”
Okay, yeah, that is a fair point. It’s pretty damning if a child you’ve supposedly only known exists for a week or two calls you papi. People are going to want an explanation and Buck isn’t going to be able to come up with a good one that doesn’t give everything away. If Chris was still a baby and couldn’t talk, this whole thing would be easier.
The thought triggers a heartbreaking idea in his brain, but he still has to say it. Has to offer Eddie this out, even if it will tear himself to shreds inside. “We can ask him not to do that. It’s only for a little over an hour by the time we get there,” he suggests, aiming for causal and probably missing by a mile.
“That’s not fair on you.” Eddie is already shaking his head before Buck is done talking. For a moment, Buck fears Eddie found him out, but then Eddie adds. “And what sort of message would we be sending if they did find out? I don’t want Hen to think we’re raising Chris to be homophobic, just because we’re straight.”
It’s adorable how determined Eddie looks. Every time Buck is reminded how hard Eddie is trying to be a better father than his own, Buck falls in love with him all over again.
“Alright,” he says. “We’ll leave this one up for the universe, then. But we should probably get the good kind of bribery coffee. We’re probably gonna need it.”
Eddie throws his head back in a laugh, before he agrees. Then they get into the car and drive off, Buck behind the wheel as always.
Buck pulls up into everyone’s favorite coffee shop that they usually don’t go to, since it’s slightly out of their way. Both of them are nervous, that much is clear, even if they try not to be. While he waits in line, he calls Bobby, explaining the situation as vaguely as he can, while still getting the results he needs.
He’s pretty sure Eddie is as nervous as he is when they get to the firehouse, but if he’s nervous, Eddie will only get more nervous and if they’re both nervous, Chris will get nervous. So, he stuffs any sort of nervousness down and plasters on a big smile as he gets out the car and waits for Eddie to help Chris out of his seat.
They’re going to give this some semblance of a try, so Buck doesn’t walk as near as he usually does, when they enter under the curious gazes of the others.
His own shoulders want to tense, but he stops them and Eddie relaxes slightly when he seems at ease, so he keeps it up. He loudly greets everyone as he usually would. Normalcy is key. “We come bearing bribery coffee.”
“I would say who cares about coffee when you’re bringing such an esteemed guest, but I really need my caffeine fix,” Hen jokes, a big gentle smile on her face.
She probably knows how nerve wracking it is to introduce people to your kid and Buck smiles at the gesture. He is about to make a joke about Chris being way more important than some coffee and more than enough of a fix to get you through the day, but stops himself. It’s not his place right now.
Eddie, however, is in sync with him as ever and picks up on it. Clumsily joking in his stead: “Hey, Chris is way better than coffee.” He looks slightly mortified at himself, but Buck and Chris both grin widely.
However, no one else seems to notice and Hen just laughs quietly: “I believe you,” before she turns to Chris and holds out her hand. “Hi, I’m Hen. I heard a lot about you, you’re a real smart kid.”
That was partly a lie, since Buck hadn’t been able to brag and Eddie is still private and not great at talking about emotions. But no one is going to call her out on that when Chris is smiling the way he is.
“Hello, I’m Christopher,” he says, shaking her hand. “You’re really cool. Daddy and papi say so.”
Hen pauses for a second at that and Buck and Eddie both hold their breath. She quickly glances over to Eddie – they worked hard for Buck to not even be considered – and sees his the apprehension, before quickly covering any reaction and smiling as she tells Eddie: “Oh, I like him.”
Their shoulders relax. Buck assumes that Hen must think Chris just accidentally outed Eddie and is helping him by pretending to not have noticed. He appreciates that about her, not just because it works in their favor.
Chimney follows her lead, sending a quick glance between her and Eddie, before swooping in. “Hey, what about me? I’m cool.” He holds out his hand. “I’m Chimney.”
“Chimney! I know you. You have a silly name,” Chris informs him seriously, getting laughs from everyone.
The tension has been broken and Chris easily accepted without any realizations. Buck thinks they might actually get through this okay, going to grin at Eddie, only to find him looking choked up at the three moving towards the stairs as Chris asks all about the ambulance.
Buck knows how nervous Eddie always is about people meeting Chris. Not because he is ashamed of him, but because people always seem to judge Eddie as if there is something wrong with him, with both of them, which is fucking terrible and makes Buck want to deck whoever makes Eddie feel like that.
Getting this easy acceptance from everyone must mean the world for him. Buck should know, he’s in the same boat. There isn’t anything to say, though, so Buck just gives his shoulder a comforting squeeze, before jogging to catch up with everyone.
Chris is determined to get up the stairs by himself and Buck easily lets him as Chris chats away about what he’s studying at school and what his daddy and papi told him about the trucks, asking a thousand more questions about the ambulances, since Hen and Chimney know them better.
Every time he mentions papi and daddy, he sees how Hen and Chimney send looks to Eddie, clearly waiting for him to acknowledge it, but he never does. Buck is pretty sure they’re dying to ask, but aren’t going to with Chris there. It makes him dread what will happen after Maddie comes to pick him up.
From how Chris is talking, it’s clear that both his dads are firefighters. When it comes to fun facts – of which Chris has many, Buck is so proud of him – Chris always starts with ‘Papi said…’ And Buck is pretty sure none of them are buying that Eddie has been supplying him with those facts.
In these moments, Buck is glad Chris was too young to realize it’s a little odd that Buck is papi, because that might be the only thing throwing everyone off their scent right now.
Then Bobby comes over and Buck’s stomach tightens. This will be another hurdle. Jovially, Bobby says: “What’s this? I don’t remember asking the chief for reinforcements. You any good with a hose, kid?”
“I can try,” Chris smiles and everyone chuckles.
“Alright,” Bobby smiles back, because Chris’s smile is infectious.
And even though Buck knows that Bobby doesn’t know that’s his kid too, it makes him fly that Bobby seems to be taken with him immediately. Buck craves Bobby’s approval so bad and having Bobby approve of his kid is the best feeling.
Eddie on the other hand, tenses and gets up as he explains: “So sorry, Cap. Maddie, uhm, Buck’s sister is getting off work early so she can take him, before my tía can, but you know LA traffic, so until then w- I- I didn’t know where to take him.”
“Yeah, you did. Right here. Buck gave me a heads up. I already cleared it with the chief,” Bobby says, nodding towards Buck, who smiles at Eddie, trying not to look too love struck when Eddie looks back with those big, beautiful brown eyes.
For a moment, it looks like Eddie is going to cry, but the attention gets pulled away from him before he does by Bobby asking: “Did you get a tour of the trucks yet, kid?”
“No,” Chris answers, hopefully excited.
“Well then, what do you say about a tour?” Bobby asks him.
“Can I?” Chris asks immediately, looking absolutely thrilled at the idea. He hasn’t caught on that no one seems to realize Buck is also his dad, and while he directs the question at both of them, he looks over at Eddie first, since he’s standing next to Bobby.
“Course, we can look at the trucks,” Eddie smiles.
Before Chris can look to him for confirmation as well, Buck grabs Chris under his armpits and swings him over the back of the couch, putting him on his feet again with a, “Let’s go, Superman!” getting a delighted shriek from Chris as expected.
It’s probably a little too familiar for a kid that he supposedly doesn’t know that well, but Buck ignores whatever looks get send his way. He loves kids. And he loves this kid in particular. It already sucks enough that he can’t be as loudly proud as he wants to be. Let him have this.
Eddie steps up next to him soon enough, asking: “Wanna walk downstairs by yourself too, mijo?”
“No. Carry me?” Chris asks and Buck is so proud of him. They’ve raised him well, asking for what he wants, what he needs, when he has to, and doing it by himself when he can and wants to.
“Yeah, here.” Eddie sweeps Chris up in his arms, putting him on his hips and handing his crutches over to Buck with practiced ease.
It’s so natural that neither of them even realize they shouldn’t be doing that here, until Chimney claps Buck on the back and grins: “Always in sync, you two, huh?”
“Haha, I guess,” Buck blushes, hurrying down the stairs after Eddie and Chris before anyone can study his face too closely.
While Chris had the most questions about the ambulances, he wants to see the engine and ladder truck the most. It’s what he’s heard all the stories about it. And he wants to do it on his own, demanding to be put down, the second they get downstairs. Buck is glad he hurried after them, so he can hand Chris his crutches before he even has to ask for them.
Chris clatters over to the engine, looking at all the stuff that he can see, excitedly pointing at the hose as he says: “It has a loop, just like you said!”
“You know why, kid?” Bobby asks, looking pleased that his way of doing things is important enough to Chris to get pointed out by him.
“Papi said it’s because if you leave a loop and stick your arm through, it makes for a faster carry and speed is important,” Chris recites.
“That’s right,” Bobby smiles.
Chris proceeds to ask more questions, already being way more knowledgeable about the vehicles than most kids his age. He’s been hearing firefighter stories for a year and a half already and when Buck’s excited about a topic, he pulls Chris with him and vise versa. They feed on each other’s curiosity and energy.
Just when they think they’re getting off scot free, Chris wanders over to where everyone’s turnouts are gasping: “Can I try on a real firefighter helmet?”
“Of course, here you go,” Eddie says, grabbing his own, even though Chris is standing in front of Buck’s helmet, and moving to put it on his head.
“No, daddy, I want papi’s helmet,” Chris protest. “You’re still a probie, he’s a real-real firefighter.”
Buck is pretty sure that if the ‘oh fuck’ didn’t hit Eddie at that moment, he would have been more offended by that, going to give Buck a playful glare, before what Chris said registers and he instead looks at everyone else with wide eyes.
There’s a beat of silence wherein everyone tries to piece together what they just heard and process what that means. Their eyes rapidly go from Chris to Eddie to Buck, then back to Eddie to Buck again, then to Chris.
Fuck, we’re so caught, Buck thinks.
However, the silence isn’t over yet and he’s not going to let Chris feel like he did something wrong. So, he acts like this isn’t a huge thing that just got revealed, instead smiling at Chris as he grabs his own helmet and carefully puts it on Chris’s head. “There you go, Superman, a real-real firefighter helmet. Way cooler than daddy’s probie helmet, right?”
Eddie catches on to what he’s doing, unfreezing himself and forcing himself to act casual. “You know there’s no difference between the helmets, right? I also have a real-real firefighter helmet.”
“I know,” Chris smiles, looking absolutely adorable in the over-sized helmet. “Papi said only the Captain has a different helmet, but it’s about the idea.”
It seems that a repeat of ‘papi said’ is enough to unpause the others, who have been watching Buck and Eddie brush this whole thing off with great confusion. It was such a smooth blasé turn of events that they almost started to think they imagined it. But no, Chris is still very much there, in Buck’s helmet, calling him papi and reciting his facts.
“Papi?” Bobby finds his voice first, though he only manages the word, butchering its pronunciation slightly.
Chris doesn’t seem to notice how the vibe has shifted very quickly and just nods proudly, helmet nearly falling off. “Daddy and papi are both firefighters, but daddy’s still on his probationary period.” He slows down on the big words, carefully sounding them out. “They’re heroes.”
Despite the situation, Buck can’t help the pleased smile and blush that appear at the declaration. It will always feel good to hear his son be so proud of him. Of both of them.
“So you- so you two…” Chim starts, then trails off, pointing between Buck and Eddie with a confused look. It’s as if he isn’t sure where to start asking.
Before anyone can figure out what to ask, the alarm starts ringing and they all stare up at the flashing lights for a second like caught animals.
Buck snaps out of it first. He knows they’re in deep shit, but they need to help people first. It’s a small fender bender, shouldn’t be anything too traumatizing to Chris, but he’s not going to make it worse by going over Bobby’s head. So, he asks: “Am I man behind, or are we taking Chris with us?”
“We can take him with us,” Bobby decides. These accidents are often nothing big, but if there are a lot of cars, they need the extra hands. And they’re already next to the trucks anyway.
Besides, while his head might still be reeling, a small part of him looks between Buck and Chris and suddenly sees all the similarities. The way Chris was religiously asking questions and spouting facts moments ago suddenly very familiar. Much like his papi, he can’t deny Chris the opportunity to see everything in action. The thought of having a grandkid intruding on his brain without his permission.
With that decision made, Buck gently pulls the helmet from Chris’s head and puts it on his own, before lifting Chris into the truck and smiling: “Save my seat, alright, buddy?”
“Sí, papi,” Chris smiles back, legs kicking excitedly at being in the truck.
The others only hear the exchange, too busy with pulling on their turnouts. Since Buck had a delayed start, the others have already climbed in when he gets there. Eddie pulls Chris onto his lap while Buck climbs in, before handing him back, so Buck can buckle him in next to him.
Everyone is watching the exchange as if it’s something alien and Buck wants to snap at them to stop it, because Chris has gotten enough of that as it is. However, he knows it’s not because of Chris that they’re looking at them like that – well, it is, but not like that – and snapping isn’t going to help them when they’re in enough trouble as it is.
They pull out of the firehouse at record speed and Chris gives a loud cheer, clearly thrilled to be a part of this. Despite the situation, Buck smiles broadly and pulls out his phone to take a picture of Chris with the huge headphones on in the back of the fire engine.
This is sadly taken as an invitation to start asking questions, of which they must have many now that everyone has had the time to gather their wits.
Hen starts it off, asking: “So, when did the whole papi thing start?” A valid question, since it would be quite the leap to have taken after learning about Eddie’s son a few weeks ago with the earthquake.
Before Buck or Eddie can start, Chris is already explaining: “Well, papi was Evan first when he worked with the chickies, but then mommy left,” Chris’s lip wobbles for a second, but he braves on, “and papi stayed forever. But he was still Evan, but then he and daddy got married and Ms. Jane said that made him my daddy too, but daddy was already daddy, so he’s papi.”
The answer does nothing to get them out of trouble, in fact, it probably only gets them deeper into trouble. However, Buck’s heart can’t help but do a happy little flip at Chris’s confidence in stating he’s staying forever.
“Married? But what about-” Chimney starts to loudly say something, before cutting himself off. He looks at Chris uncomfortably, then at Eddie, who is giving him a confused look, trying to guess what the fuck Chimney is on about.
Buck, however, can take a guess and cringes slightly. Still, the last thing he wants is for them to think they watched him cheat on Eddie for his first few months at the 118. That is never the kind of man he wants to be. Never.
So, he clarifies: “Yeah. We got married as friends. Great tax benefits and stepparent adoption. This little guy is legally half mine,” he grins, ruffling Chris’s hair.
“Uh-huh,” Chris nods excitedly. “We went to court and it was all official and we went to the courthouse too. They made daddy and papi kiss, it was really silly.”
Both Eddie and Buck blush at the reminder, though Buck supposes they’re blushing for very different reasons. He’s honestly happy if his wedding day kiss is the only kiss he’ll ever get. He treasures the memory. Eddie probably not so much. Buck tries not to think about it.
Hen looks between the two of them, clearly not believing it. She says: “You got married for the tax benefits and for adoption?” her voice asking why the fuck they would do that.
“Yup,” Buck answers, trying to act casual. Chris is still right there and they’ve already dragged up Shannon leaving today, he wants to spare him as many reminders, but he needs the others to stop asking questions. So, he slings his arm around Chris and smiles at him, Chris smiling back. “So, me and Superman here could continue to hang out while daddy was out saving people, isn’t that right?”
“Yeah!” Chris cheers, thankfully taking the comment as not something to be sad about because papi isn’t sad about it. “Daddy took care of everyone, giving band aids to all the soldiers.”
Realization dawns on everyone’s faces as they figure out Buck raised Chris while Eddie was out on his tour in the army. Eddie looks like he always does when someone reminds him of having to leave Chris behind; devastated, but locking it up. However, is face softens slightly at Chris’s unwavering support and recount of what he did.
The air gets awkward now, everyone unsure what to ask, wanting to get all the details, but not wanting to interrogate Buck and Eddie in front of their kid.
After a few moments, Bobby clears his throat and changes the subject, telling them about the accident they’re driving up to. He also tells Chris all about the headsets and the communication system, with as much flair as he usually has for school trips, maybe a little more. Seeing it makes Buck’s heart warm and he hopes they haven’t fucked it all up entirely.
They arrive at the accident and everyone gets out. Except for Eddie and Chris after a look between him and Buck to check who’s gonna stay behind with him.
As Buck walks away, he hears Bobby say: “I’ll watch Chris. I need you out there with Buck. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him.”
“Yeah, daddy, you got to have papi’s back, right?” Chris says, which must be enough to convince Eddie, because soon enough he’s at Buck’s side.
While they work, they keep their heads down and stay quiet. Both feel like scolded school boys and they don’t want to get more attention on them than necessary.
From time to time they shoot a look towards Chris, who looks to be having the time of his life listening to Bobby, who is smiling as well as he explains what’s going on. Buck hopes that’s a good sign, hopes that means Bobby isn’t too mad at them. At him. Buck hates the idea of Bobby being mad at him.
Hen and Chimney go with the ambulance to a nearby hospital with one of their patients, so it’s just the four of them in the rig back. Bobby is allowing Chris to sit up front with him, letting him pull the horn even though he’s usually against such frivolous use of equipment, much to Chris’s delight.
Both Buck and Eddie watch nervously, with Eddie sending Buck a look asking ‘what does that mean?’ and Buck sending a look back that conveys ‘I don’t know, but maybe something good?’
When they get to the firehouse, Buck gets a notification on his phone. “Maddie says she’s held up and is going to be a little later.”
“Looks like you’re going to be hanging out with us a little longer, kid,” Bobby tells Chris.
“I don’t mind,” Chris grins broadly.
“Of course, you don’t,” Eddie says fondly, ruffling Chris’s curls. “The inside of the rig can be dirty, so let’s go wash our hands, yeah?”
“Okay,” Chris says easily and follows Eddie out of the way, leaving Buck alone with Bobby.
He can’t blame him for the smooth escape. Still, he is nervous when he turns to Bobby and asks: “So…”
“You have a good kid,” Bobby starts, surprising him. “I see he gets his curiosity from you.”
Buck flushes with pride as well as embarrassment. “Oh, uh- Chris isn’t mine. Well, not biologically, I- I don’t think-”
“Buck,” Bobby cuts him off. “You still have an impact on him. You’ve been raising him for quite a while already from what I understand. He gets things from you.”
“Thank you, then,” Buck says with a bashful smile, before he carefully checks: “So, you’re not mad?”
“Oh, no, I’m pissed off you’d keep something like this from all of us when Eddie started working here, but I do hope you didn’t keep this from us before that, because we made you uncomfortable.”
“No, no, that was me getting in my own head,” Buck assures him. “I knew you guys wouldn’t judge, I just didn’t know how to explain. And I am sorry, you know. For lying about it. We just wanted to work together and we thought you’d retract the offer if you knew.”
“I probably would have,” Bobby agrees. “But you two can clearly keep it professional in the field and your teamwork is truly something. If it’s not romantic, I can make a case for you two to the brass.”
Buck blushes again, twisting feeling in his gut. “Oh, no, it’s definitely nothing romantic. Just two married guys, being friends.” He wants to smack himself in the face for his reply. He’s not even lying, but he is being weird about it and Bobby is going to see right through him.
“Uh-huh,” Bobby raises a brow. Then too conversationally, he asks: “So was Eddie the girl, who was in that trap with her parents?”
At that, Buck freezes, he had all but forgotten about that. And he didn’t think Bobby would have remembered either. However, he’s totally right and now both of them know it and Buck basically confessed to wanting more with Eddie. Shit.
“You love him, don’t you?” Bobby asks. Before he can answer, he adds: “Now, don’t lie to me. I see it in the way you look at him, even before I knew all this.”
Buck panics slightly and he says: “You can’t tell him.”
“I won’t,” Bobby promises, putting a hand on his shoulder. “But remember what I said back then, I said you’re ready to have those things and, by how you’re raising Chris, you were more than ready. You stepped inside with Eddie a long time ago. You’re ready for a next step too.”
“Thank you, Bobby, but it’s not like that for Eddie. He’s my best friend, but nothing else. He’s straight, it’s not going to happen,” Buck answers.
“I wouldn’t count it out.” Bobby says cryptically, before clapping him on the back and walking off. On his way to the loft, he runs into Eddie and Chris and he asks: “You up for a grilled cheese, kid?”
“Yes, please,” Chris cheers.
“Then let’s go,” Bobby smiles the two of them going up the stairs.
Meanwhile Eddie makes his way over to Buck so he can get out of his turnouts, Buck also still dressed in his own. He must look kind of stupid, the way he stands there, because Eddie pauses and asks: “Are you okay? Did Bobby say anything?” He looks more and more nervous. “Are we fired?”
That snaps Buck out of it and he quickly says: “No, no, not fired. Bobby’s gonna make a case for us with the brass, since it’s not romantic. He is pissed though. That we lied.”
“Okay, that’s good,” Eddie nods, oblivious to Buck’s crisis as he steps out of his turnouts.
Not wanting to seem weird, Buck quickly follows his lead, until they’re walking up the stairs, shoulders knocking into each other. It’s comforting. Familiar. Buck doesn’t want to lose that. He studies Eddie, trying to see what Bobby saw, but he can’t find it. It’s just Eddie, as he’s always been.
Naturally, Eddie notices him looking, giving him two wide, confused, beautiful brown doe eyes as he asks: “Do I have something on my face or something?”
“Nah,” Buck says casually after a few moments, “just trying to imagine what you’d look like as a real-real firefighter.”
Immediately Eddie’s expression falls into something more deadpan and annoyed. “You put that idea in his head, you know, with your probie bullshit.”
“I don’t know, Eddie, seems to me like you just still have a ways to go,” Buck grins with as much little shit energy as he can.
“You’re the worst,” Eddie grins back, pushing him slightly, though immediately catching him, before he can do as much as stumble.
At this point, they’ve reached the top of the stairs and find Bobby presenting Chris with a plate of grilled cheeses with a flourish. “Here you go. What do you think?” he asks, awaiting Chris’s judgment.
Chris takes one bite, before he beams up. “It’s very tasty.”
“That’s what I like to hear,” Bobby ruffles his curls. Buck imagines that this is what it would be like to have Bobby as a grandparent and the thought makes something twist inside him. By that time, Bobby has spotted Buck and Eddie and calls over: “You two also want a grilled cheese for lunch?”
“Yes, please,” Buck replies, shaking it off and skipping forwards.
Soon after, there’s a plate of grilled cheeses on the table and the four of them are sitting around it. The adults are listening to Chris about his latest school project, any interrogation of the family unit he’s a part of shelved for now.
At some point, Hen and Chimney return, joining the table. Chimney is still looking between Buck and Chris as if it’s the weirdest thing he’s ever encountered – Buck tries not to be too offended – while Hen seems more comfortable about the whole thing, though she sends glances in Eddie’s and Buck’s direction from time to time.
The grilled cheeses are being eaten when Maddie comes up the stairs, greeting everyone. Buck smiles and waves at her, before turning to Chris, steadying him as he gets out of his chair. He hands him his crutches and goes on one knee in front of him, smoothing out his clothes and pressing a kiss on his forehead as he says: “Be good for your tía Maddie now, okay, Superman?”
“I will, papi,” Chris promises.
Maddie, who’s been getting closer pauses for a moment, before her eyes snap to Eddie. Eddie pauses under her gaze. She hisses: “Evan is papi? He’s the husband?”
Well, if Chris hadn’t given it away, Maddie would have it seems. And because Eddie is an asshole, who has the ability to lie to Maddie, he puts on a faux-innocent look and says: “Yes, he is. Didn’t you know that? I thought you must have realized.”
“No, I did not,” Maddie says lowly, turning to Buck. Buck swallows, but straightens his spine defiantly anyway. Maddie asks him: “Why didn’t I know that?”
“I thought you were being homophobic,” Buck answers honestly.
“What?” Maddie sounds almost offended.
“What was I supposed to think? I got there after Eddie picked up Chris and mentioned me and you didn’t say a word. Nothing.”
“Of course that’s not what I was doing. Eddie asked me not to tell anyone. I wasn’t going to out him!”
“Oh, that makes a lot more sense, actually.”
“Thank you,” Maddie says forcefully. Then she does turn back to Eddie and goes: “What are your intentions with my baby brother?”
Eddie has just started to relax, but freezes all over. Before it can get nasty, Buck jumps in quickly. “It is not like that, Mads. Me and Eddie are friends. Married as friends. And I’ll explain everything later, I promise. But we’re on the clock. Please, just take your nephew home.”
Maddie puffs herself up, gearing up to protest before the last part of that sentence hits and she looks at Chris with big awe-like eyes. As if she has never seen him before. In a way, she hadn’t. She’s hung out with him a few times, but not as her nephew. That’s her nephew. Buck has a kid. Her baby brother is a dad and has a kid and she missed that, but now she gets to know him.
The fight leaves her and she puts on a smile. “I’d love nothing more. What do you say, we get some ice cream. It’s an aunt’s job to spoil their nephews, you know.”
“Ice cream!” Chris cheers, making his way over to her.
“Don’t fall for his pout, he’s only allowed two scoops,” Eddie calls out bravely. “Thank you so much for taking him,” he adds quickly.
“We’re getting three,” Maddie informs Chris cheerfully.
“Be wary of the sugar rush,” Buck warns her.
“We’ll be fine, now stop worrying,” Maddie calls back, having reached the top of the stairs.
They all watch the duo go down the stairs, waving and calling out goodbyes. As they go, Eddie turns to Buck and says: “She never babysat on her own before, has she?”
“Yeah, not since she was a kid with energy herself. She has no clue what she just got into with that promise,” Buck agrees.
“Oef, good luck.”
“Ah, her mistake,” Buck shrugs. “Maybe she’ll be so tired when we come to pick up Chris that she won’t have the energy to be mad.”
“God, I hope so.”
“Well, you two shouldn’t be worrying about her right now,” Hen suddenly speaks up behind them. “We want answers. Now.”
With matching apprehensive looks, they turn around to face everyone. Buck feebly says: “I think we’ve gotten most of the basic information out there.”
“Not good enough,” Hen says. “Come, sit, and spill.”
“I’m not a dog,” Buck pouts as he goes to do what he’s told.
“You could’ve fooled me,” Chimney grins patting his back.
“Oh fuck off.”
Eddie comes to sit next to him, crossing his arms defensively. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything,” Chimney snorts. “Come on, you can’t just drop being married with a kid – even as friends – for god knows how long on us, not to mention lying about even knowing each other, and expect us to just shrug it off.”
“Well, there isn’t much more to add,” Eddie says defensively. “We got married as friends, so Buck could adopt Chris and take care of him while I was in Afghanistan after Shannon left. He already helped before that. It was the most logical thing to do at the time.”
“There wasn’t anyone else?” Hen asks, now mostly directed at Buck. The underlying, ‘you had to take care of Chris by yourself?’ heard by everyone.
“Uh,” Buck sends a look at Eddie, but Eddie isn’t looking his way. “Eddie’s parents helped too, you know, but you don’t want to drop your kid on your parents,” he settles on in the end. It’s as neutral as he can make it.
Hen seems to accept this answer, which is enough for Chimney to jump in on it. “How did you even get involved anyway, Buck? Chris said you were taking care of the chickens? How do you get from chickens to father?”
Buck blushes slightly and explains: “I worked as a farm hand on a chicken farm. Chris’s mom used to buy eggs there, took Chris with her from time to time. I babysat in a pinch, then did it more regularly, also after Eddie came back. She left Chris with me, before getting on a plane to never look back. Eddie still had work that night, so I offered to watch Chris and, uh-” he rubs the back of his head “-I kind of never left.”
It’s quiet for a moment as everyone processes, then Eddie cuffs him on the back of the head. “That’s not how it went and you know it.”
“What?” Buck asks confused, because last he checked, that’s exactly how it went.
“You didn’t watch him for one night and never left, you chose to stay and help a stranger who was struggling, even though you didn’t have to. Because, Evan, that’s who you are,” Eddie says forcefully, making sure Buck hears it.
“Oh.” Buck doesn’t really know how to respond to that, tears prickling despite himself. “I guess, I never thought about it like that.”
“Of course you hadn’t,” Eddie sighs, but it’s a fond one.
Everyone is looking between the two, various expressions on their faces, but all scrutinizing. It makes Buck blush. Especially when Hen feels the need to check: “And it’s strictly a platonic thing?”
“Yes,” Eddie replies forcefully, which doesn’t make Buck sad at all, no, sir. “We’re gonna get divorced at some point, have a prenup and everything. The plan was when I got back from Afghanistan, but then I got hurt.”
“So why haven’t you yet?” Chimney asks curiously. “I mean, since you’re obviously better now.”
Eddie looks a bit like a deer in headlights and Buck clenches all his muscles and tries to disappear into the background. If he starts trying to answer that, a whole bunch of things he’d prefer to stay hidden will come spilling out.
“Why would we?” Eddie counters after a few beats to think, a blush coloring his cheeks anyway.
“Huh?” Chimney replies dumbly.
“I mean, think about it. We’ll divorce just for the sake of divorcing, then we’d have to come up with a parental plan for Chris, uproot him again, because one person alone can’t afford that mortgage, plus we’d loose are tax benefits, which means we can’t save up for college for Chris,” Eddie lists. “Unless one of us wants to marry someone else, why go through the hassle? It’s not like either of us are planning to leave anytime soon.”
Despite how utterly practical it is, Buck can’t help but smile widely, stomach unclenching as butterflies flutter in it instead. Eddie truly isn’t planning on leaving. Eddie still wants him around, still needs him around. He nods: “Yeah, what he said.”
Hen looks between the two then nods to herself as she mutters: “Ah, so that’s how you’ve justified it to yourself?”
“What was that, Henrietta?” Eddie snaps, without even fearing for his life.
“Don’t call me Henrietta,” Hen scowls back, dropping what she just said. Buck is grateful for it, he doesn’t need anyone pushing at Eddie and making him feel weird about staying.
Bobby thankfully steps in for them. “Alright, alright. It’s quite the story, but we’re not here to interrogate either of you.” To the others he sharply says, “I mean that. I’ll bring up the situation with the brass and we’ll see from there what will happen.”
“But, Cap,” Chimney starts to whine, but he’s cut off by the alarm that starts blaring. They all look up for a second, then Chimney quickly stuffs a grilled cheese in his mouth. Still chewing, he says: “This isn’t over.”
“Of course it isn’t,” Eddie mutters as he and Buck get up in sync.
Together they hurry down the pole and to their gear. They’ll have a lot more questions to answer later, not to mention appearing in front of the brass. However, all in all, bringing Chris to the firehouse could have gone much worse.
~~
A/N:
I know I cut the whole explaining themselves thing short, but it’s mostly a repeat after a while and I did put a chunk in there.
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kandadze · 3 days ago
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Ep 27 loose thoughts
Well, that's one way of snapping someone shell-shocked out of making a drastic decision. I feel like PSJ snapped something in herself at this moment, too. Anyone else found the ancestor's commentary going on in the background while the girls are bawling their eyes out hilarious? Just me? Okay.
While I was waiting for the ever burning wood to activate or something, the moment WX opened the box to reveal dried flowers I choked. ZYC!!!
Baby!Yichen breaks my heart, so impressionable, so open to learn. It's interesting to see that the phrases about suffering we've seen him use as an adult might have come from WX... Not a fan of telling people in mourning to stop dwelling in misery and sadness like it's as simple as flipping a switch (not to mention, she apparently *just* met him for the first time? The heck?), but at least the rest of her words seem to have helped him... so much that he kept the flowers 😭 The irony of her snow metaphor contrasted with their current predicament is indeed exquisite, A+ for that.
Are they going to be saved by the power of lurrrrve??? (At least this time. Still holding out for how that's gonna play out in the finale.) I mean, what other way to sway an ancient creature who's seen pretty much everything there is to see, than to show them something new? What's that? A test for a future event? (I'm getting really paranoid about nothing we've seen so far being real. It's like Alice in Wonderland on a bigger scale. Or Finnegans Wake on a smaller scale. I don't know.)
Oooh Bingyi and Ying Long, our original doomed couple (of self-sacrificial idiots)! I would watch a whole drama just about them. And damn, I can definitely see where Zhao Yuanzhou got his masochism from. Stoppppp not "Just let me be the first star"! (Especially since I just remembered ZYZ's "I'll be the rain...") It's not supposed to be literal! 😭😭😭 Ahhhh this scene just broke me, also because it seems to reinforce the idea that ZYZ *has* to be killed for the greater good. The visualssss in the execution- sacrifice? What the heck do I even call it?- scene though, soooo good!
"Let me do it myself." LET ME DO IT MYSELF??? FUCKKKKKKK DAMNIT HE JUST- ::head in hands, crying forever::
"Remember. This is my choice, not yours. You don't have to bear any blame or guilt." That's not how that works. That's not how any of that works!
Again, we're dealing with choices. But the fact that ZYZ choice was the same as Ying Long's... the fact that YL says that neither he nor Bingyi had any regrets... oh this is going to hurt.
Oh? ZYZ's future is not what he wants? (And wouldn't that be funny, considering ZYZ's own words while schooling ZYC in the very first ep... 9 times out of 10, things don't go our way?)
"You two are really like us." 😭😭😭
I was wondering if they were going to show us what ZYC saw, and not only does the image of ZYZ's body on that dark floor mirror Ying Long's body floating in the water, both ZYZ and ZYC wear the same clothes as in the very few scenes from the trailer that didn't happen yet... These poor sods, they've been Going Through It for almost a decade now with the only end in sight being yet another tragedy (even if the drama seems to suggest that they don't see it that way at this point.) ::head in hands, crying continues::
"My friend is here. We'll go together." The *sound* I made. Everything else this drama has given me aside, the growth of these characters and their bonds is so well done, and absolutely precious to me.
I want Ying Long's hopes and wishes for them to become true. Seeing how there's hints everywhere in this drama, I hope the words of one of the most powerful beings in existence will count for *something* in the end! (Am I grasping at straws? Maybe. Let me be delusional for a bit longer.)
What do you mean, five, ZYC? What's Ying Lei, chopped liver?
Oof this *almost* hug before WX starts feebly hitting ZYZ. It's relief, it's anger, it's fear for the next time, it's all the feelings that became too big to contain. I feel her so much. (I would've started whacking both him and ZYC way earlier tbh 😅) And ZYZ allowing her that release before pulling her in for reassurance, patting her as if she was a scared child. 😭 Cut to PSJ, looking as if she wanted nothing more but to be the one offering the reassurance to WX. Cut to ZYC, remembering that willingly or not, he's going to hurt WX beyond reassurance. Once again, the bonds in this drama!
Wait hold up hold on what? You just removed Bingyi's blood from him, that should mean that ZYC will not have to become a demon, right? So what's that about developing the inner core? (Also, I just realized that so far all they got from this trip was "go east and ask for a dragon scale" lol) Thankfully him and ZYZ had their conversation(s) about titles and identities so being asked to make that particular choice was not completely out of left field at this point. And all he cares about is whether that means that the last trace of Ying Long will disappear! 😭 (I'm so with Bingyi on this one... I would hold onto that last shred of my friend's existence, too, *especially* if they offed themself via my goddamn sword.)
What's with that look after he says that he thinks he has it - the inner core - is there a joke here somewhere? (I *gotta* go back to learning the language, the things I'm undoubtedly missing on!) The only thing I can think of is - did they think he said he's pregnant??? ::dies:: "So what's your true form?" "Must be dragon." "I say you're a mule." "Better than being a monkey." "I'm a white ape!" ::dies again:: Nice to see we still get a friendly ribbing between all of them, and I can breathe after all the angst. Fingers crossed? There's still 5 minutes left...
Oh good, let's talk about getting Bai Jiu back! (I knew there was one more character from the opening credits that didn't show up yet... guess it's the rebel princess.) While Ao Yin is eavesdropping! Talk about good hearing. Sigh, here it comes, another goal they have that will conflict with Li Lun's; they want the scale to restore the sword, and LL not only doesn't want that to happen, the scale could potentially help him get rid of the poison.
Oh for fuck's sake, I think I was subconsciously waiting for Chongwu Camp to show up, knowing that they've eavesdropped on the gang earlier, and here they are. ZYZ should really think of putting up some sound barrier when they discuss important plans, everyone seems to know exactly what they'll be doing at any given moment!
Ahhhh we're getting a nod to that little cough and stumble WX had shortly before this trip. Something's wrong with Baize token? Or with her connection to it? We only have 7 episodes left, drama!
(ZYC is such a good little brother.) Oh great, it was the rebel princess who killed WX's dad? I repeat, we only have 7 episodes left!
Sigh... with only 7 episodes left, we *also* find out that the goddamn 3-face-mask has history with the princess? And has everyone and their mother sat on that little bridge???
This feels like the endless final scenes in Peter Jackson's "Return of the King," my head is spinning.
Note to self, *stop* looking at previews. Ying Lei, what the absolute fuck?
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accio-sriracha · 23 hours ago
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Because @ephemeralstarss decided to play the devil on my shoulder, here's some Remus Lupin angst!!!
(TW: intense obsessive compulsions and intrusive thoughts all throughout, lots of language, general mental health warnings)
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
With Torment Comes Passion
A snippet of a Wolfstar fic I'm working on!!
Muggle AU + Remus Lupin with debilitating OCD :/
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Breathe in.
Check the clock.
Tap three times.
Breathe out.
Did you check the clock? Check the clock again. You didn't look at the clock.
Breathe in.
Tap three times.
Fuck, was that three taps? It felt like two. It was definitley two. You have to start over now.
Breathe in.
Tap three times.
Breathe out.
Is the clock wrong? He should be here any second now. You set the clock wrong. Everything is fucking wrong. He should be here already.
You have to start over.
Breathe in-
This was Remus' life.
Not confined necessarily.
But not free either.
He was stuck in an endless-
Did you throw away that piece of paper earlier? Do you not recycle anymore? You're literally killing the planet.
You're the problem.
You're the problem.
You're the problem.
Everything is your fault. You should have just recycled the fucking paper. Now the world is ending and it's your fault.
Don't pull it out of the trash now, it's too late. The damage is done. You've doomed everything and now you'll burn in-
"Remus?" A voice called from across the house. The door closed, footsteps made their way down the hall.
Remus tore his eyes away from the trash can,
"I'm in here!" He called back.
Sirius.
His Sirius.
He let out a sigh of relief, forgetting about the paper and the horrific fate of the world the moment his eyes landed on his boyfriend.
"Hey, love." Sirius smiled, setting his bag on the counter and throwing his arms around Remus' shoulders, "How's your day been?"
Remus looped an arm around his waist, "Better now that you're here."
They kissed, Sirius let Remus pull away first.
"I've got something for you." He told him, reaching into his bag and pulling out a to-go box, "It's that new sushi place by James' flat you've been talking about. I got the rolls you like."
Remus accepted the box, "Thank you." He pressed a kiss to the top of Sirius' head, "You spoil me too much."
And he meant it. Remus didn't deserve the gifts Sirius kept giving him. Or the gift of Sirius' presence at all.
Sirius was, in every sense of the word, perfect.
And Remus wasn't, would never be, perfect. Remus didn't deserve him.
You don't deserve him.
He hates you.
You don't-
"What are boyfriends for?" Sirius replied easily, reaching around him for a glass, "You up for wine or should I make shirley temples?"
"Wine, please." Remus set the styrofoam container back onto the counter, then pushed it back a little, worried it would fall off the ege.
He glanced at Sirius' bag, where it had been thrown haphazardly onto the marble.
Was Sirius' bag too close to the edge?
What if it fell off and one of them tripped over it?
What if Sirius hit his head on the stove?
Was the stove on and he didn't realise?
Did he really leave the stove on?
How could he leave the stove on like such an idiot?
What if Sirius had tripped and hit his head and burned himself?
What if the house burned down?
What if the house burned down with Sirius inside of it?
Was he really going to let Sirius die because of his stupid fucking mistake?
Push the bag back or Sirius will die.
Push it back or he'll die.
Push it back or-
Remus lurched forward and pushed the bag towards the back of the counter.
He'd only barely gotten it out of the way in time for Sirius to walk back over from the fridge.
"You mind if I pour?" He asked.
Remus shook his head, "Feel free." He turned away as the sounds of the glasses being filled reached his ears.
They had routines now, things Remus avoided so he wouldn't freak out and ruin the night, and questions Sirius asked to make him more comfortable.
And it was comforting. Sirius knew him better than anyone. He knew when to press and when not to pry. He knew just what to say to bring Remus back from the edge of a breakdown.
And Remus knew Sirius.
He knew when Sirius' hands started shaking to get him something to eat because he'd forgotten about it all day.
He knew whenever Sirius was listening to David Bowie he was in a good mood, but when he listened to the Beatles it was because he needed to cry.
They knew each other inside and out.
And somehow- even though Remus was terrified of being too much, terrified of pushing him away with all of his rules and intensities- they loved each other even more because of it.
"There you are, love." Sirius gestured to the glasses, letting him choose which one he wanted.
They were evenly poured, which Remus was greatful for.
But even if they weren't nothing would come from it at all.
But what if something did?
It was highly unlikely.
Remus couldn't chance it.
He took the one closest to him because it didn't matter.
Only it did.
But it didn't. It was a glass. Just a cup to drink from. Neither choice was wrong.
But-
Oh, for fuck's sake-
"I'll put on a movie." Sirius called, interrupting his thoughts, "What genre are we feeling tonight?"
Sirius' smile was partly hidden behind the rim of the glass. It was coy, the way he stared at Remus now.
Remus pretended to consider, even though he knew they would end up finding some cheesy rom-com they would both pretend to hate together,
"Horror?" He offered jokingly.
Sirius nodded, "Ooh, it is almost spooky season."
Remus laughed, "I love it when you call it that."
Sirius smiled, pulling him in for another kiss, "I love you too."
It was a habit of Sirius' to say 'I love you too' any time Remus complimented him. It was nice, it made Remus feel secure, which he supposed was the point.
But what if he was just saying it?
What if he didn't mean it?
Ask him if he really loves you.
If you don't ask him he'll leave you.
He doesn't fucking love you.
How could you ever think he loved you?
How could he ever-
"Horror it is then." Sirius agreed, tugging on Remus' hand and leading him to the couch.
They sat next to each other, Sirius' legs pulled into Remus' lap and their heads resting atop each other.
Five minutes later there was the most sickeningly adorable meet-cute on the screen. Remus watched Sirius' involuntary smile, content and peaceful.
That is, until a knock on the door burst into the little bubble they'd happily put themselves in.
They shared a look, neither of them were expecting anyone.
"Remus! Sirius! Open up!" It was James' voice. It was urgent. Something was wrong.
Remus lifted Sirius' legs off of him, both of them rushing to the door. They didn't waste the time to pause the movie, so there was a swell of corny music in the background as they opened the door to James, blood streaked and breathing heavy.
"There was an accident, you guys need to come with me to the hospital." He paused, panting, "It's Pete."
The entire ride there none of them spoke, Sirius weaved through traffic with an expression like stone.
Remus couldn't stop replaying the words in his head.
It's Pete.
Somethings wrong with Peter.
Peter's in the hospital.
He could be dying.
What if he dies?
What if Remus never gets the chance to say goodbye?
What if the last thing Remus had said to him was mean?
Remus didn't remember getting into an argument with him, but people argue all the time.
What if Peter's last memory of Remus was an angry one?
What if Peter hates him-
"Remus!" Sirius shouted.
Remus blinked. The car was stopped, they were parked in front of the hospital.
"C'mon, we have to go." Sirius' voice was softer now that Remus was looking at him.
He held out a hand. Remus took it with a rush of guilt and fear and gratefulness that he had Sirius to stand by his side.
The waiting room wasn't as packed as Remus was worried it would be, leaving him free to pace without interruption.
One, two, three, four, five.
One, two, three, four, five.
One, two, three, four-
"Sorry." Someone mumbled as they bumped into him. Remus bowed his head silently, trying to remember what number he was on.
"He's going to be okay, Re." Sirius whispered, reaching out to touch his hand.
"I have to get this right." Remus replied, "I have to start over."
You already messed it up.
If you don't get this right bad things will happen.
If you mess up Peter will die.
Peter's death will be your fault.
Everyone will hate you forever for this.
They know. Everybody knows it's your fault.
You killed Peter.
It's all your fault.
"For Mr. Pettigrew?" A nurse called.
James and Sirius jumped to their feet. Remus trailed behind them, tugging anxiously on his sleeves.
"How is he?" James asked. The nurse was staring at a clipboard full of handwritten notes.
What was on the clipboard?
Why does he look so upset?
What if Pete's already dead?
You should have told him you loved him.
You should have known something like this would happen.
Your fault.
Your fault.
Your fault.
"Remus?" Sirius tried to call him, maybe not for the first time, and finally caught his attention with a gentle hand at his waist, "Did you hear him? Peter's gonna be okay."
Remus closed his eyes, letting out a sigh of relief.
He let Sirius' hand squeeze his own a little tighter, grounding him, forcing his thoughts to receed.
It was momentary. It was always momentary.
But on days like this, when his thoughts were worse than normal, more insisting, Remus couldn't be more thankful for Sirius' support.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
That's it for now! I'm planning about three or four chapters total and will add the link here and make a second post about it once it's finished!!
Hopefully you guys enjoyed what I have so far lmaooo <333
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serickswrites · 2 days ago
Text
Lonely Place of Longing XV
Master list link here (includes chapter links, character bios, and summary)
Warnings: captivity, kidnapping, threat of torture, used as bait, physical violence, head injury, unconsciousness
“You’re a monster! You’re all monsters!” Halle shouted as she tried to break free of the hold Owen had on her. Owen had teleported the two of them to a compound—Halle assumed it was Owen’s—and Halle had been swarmed by a number of people. Halle had been quickly bound and shoved in a corner.
“I am what they made me,” Owen said with a grin. He twirled a knife in his hand. Halle could see he had two guns on his belt and a bandolier of knives strapped across his chest. Dylan may not use weapons, but Owen clearly did. “It is fun, isn’t it? Don’t you want to be monstrous?”
Halle stopped struggling as she realized Owen was talking about imbuing her. “I’d rather die than be like you!”
“You don’t want to live forever with your lover?” Owen’s icy blue eyes were cold, colder than Dylan’s, though his face was split with a huge grin. He unnerved Halle.
“He’s not my lover!” Halle pulled at the ropes binding her. She had to get out of here. She would not be a weapon. She could not be a weapon.
Owen frowned. “Trouble in paradise?” Owen took a step towards Halle.
“He never loved me. He tricked me.” Tears pricked at the corner of Halle’s eyes. Why was she crying? She hated Dylan. “He’s just as much of a monster as you are.”
Owen let out a bark of harsh laughter. “If you truly believe that, then you are an idiot. Dylan is many things, but a monster isn’t one of them. The only monstrous thing about him is he is good at hiding how he feels. He’s always been good at that.”
That couldn’t be. Owen couldn’t be telling the truth at all. Dylan said that he tricked Halle. That he never loved Halle. Owen had to be lying. Because if he was telling the truth….Halle’s mouth went dry as Dylan walked through the compound door.
“I’m here as you wished, Owen. Let Halle go.” Dylan’s voice was soft. He didn’t look at Halle, his eyes only on his pair mate.
“No.” Owen circled around Halle.
“You have me. Let her go. Now, Owen. You can do whatever you like to me, just let her go.” Dylan’s voice held an edge to it that Halle hadn’t heard before: fear. Dylan was afraid. Not of Owen. But for Halle.
Owen said something in the language Halle recognized as Dylan’s native tongue. Dylan answered back quickly, his pale face blanching. “Let her go. You have me, Owen,” Dylan said, switching back to Halle’s language.
Owen, however, replied in the other language.
“Let her go,” Dylan growled, “and I won’t fight you. You have me. Let her go.”
Owen chuckled. “You lie, Dylan. You can lie to the humans, but you can’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying,” Dylan said quickly. “Let her go. Do whatever you want to me. You can kill me like you have always wanted. Just let Halle go.
“No,” he said as he lashed out at Halle.
Halle only had a moment to register Dylan’s terror filled face as she flew through the air. Her head smacked on the far wall. Darkness encroached the edge of her vision as she slid down the wall. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t move. As she slipped into the awaiting darkness, she saw Dylan charge Owen. Owen unleashed his attack with a feral grin.
***
“NO!” Dylan cried as he watched Owen hit Halle. He moved too slowly to stop Halle from colliding with the wall. His stomach dropped as he watched Halle crumple to the ground in a heap. No. No. NO. Please don’t be dead. Please. Halle. Please. Your life is the best part of my life. Don’t be dead. I love you. I love you. I love you.
“Don’t worry, she lives yet.” Owen said as he walked towards Dylan. “Perhaps I can still imbue her yet. What powers do you think she will develop?”
“I WILL END YOU!” Dylan shouted as he charged towards Owen. I will rip you limb from limb. I will make sure you hurt. I will be sure you regret every choice you have made. And then I will take Halle home and to her freedom. Please hold on, sweetheart. I’m coming. I’m here. Hold on. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Dylan dimly registered a sharp pain along his side as Owen surged forward, but he shoved the pain aside. This is nothing. This is nothing. You are nothing. I am the darkness. I am a vile, wretched creature that only exists to destroy. And I will destroy you.
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glisten-inthedark · 5 hours ago
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I've been going through the van scene, wanting to focus on and gif Mike bc his facial expressions and microexpressions are utterly fascinating to me in that scene, and I noticed this little parallel
Tumblr media Tumblr media
it's one of those moments where like, if that little double take and smile Mike gives El in season 1 is used as evidence for that ship and interpreted as the beginning of Mike having a crush on El, then him doing it with Will should also be interpreted as/recognized by the audience having romantic undertones (especially through a bi!Mike lens)
I mean, I for one cannot imagine Mike looking at Dustin or Lucas like that
Hello!!!
No, but the way he can't stop looking at Will is so fucking amazing. Is just, there's so much love and point blank adoration in his eyes when he looks at Will.
I'll make a post to rant about it some more lmao. But yes, it should be clear that Mike's feelings are less than platonic by the way he's looking at Will (and that Will doesn't see because he looks away).
Dammit is 10am and I'm about to cry because of these two idiots (fondly) lmao.
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