#because he's been so focused on being Chris's dad

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buddie: Two hopes for episode 8x6

I've waited for more than 24 hours to post this because I'm still in utter disbelief after Tuesday night. Yesterday, I hoped I'd wake up from the nightmare and realize it was all a dream but it wasn't and it will continue for who knows how long. I'm trying to find silver linings in the one TV show I consistently watch, therefore I'm finally ready to share the only two hopes I have for 9-1-1's season 8 episode 6.

I won't watch live and the truth is I haven't this season because if it's full of more retcons and other nonsensical BS, I need to be able to fast forward through the scenes I don't want to see. Furthermore, my expectations for 8x6 are below the ground and honestly, after Tuesday's election here in the U.S., I have no idea how TM (showrunner) and the network will react or if they'll even try to course correct.

IYKYK there will be challenges ahead for network TV and it's the MAIN reason why Buddie should have gone CANON last season. Also, I've posted before that hiatues don't do them any favors (seasons 6 and 7 are perfect examples of this and that's why they both ended ridiculously), therefore, I'm only hoping for two things.

Buck needs to end whatever the f~ck he's doing with Tonsillitis because 8x5 clearly showed they aren't compatible. There's no need to drag it out any longer and I for one do NOT want to sit through a déjà vu moment that's reminiscent of BT 1.0 only for this BS to last until 8x18. It was exhausting in season 5 and if TM does it, then it'll be history repeating itself. We're literally 5 episodes in and I'm already tired of this season because of the lack of movement with Eddie’s storyline and all this focus on BT instead of it being focused on Buck and his individual journey. It's not ok and it's really pissing me off. Buck needs to stand up for himself and stop clinging to relationships that aren't working. He already wasn't allowed to breakup with T.K. 1.0 because he wasn’t happy, so can he please finally get off the damn hamster wheel? OS deserves better than this and TM (showrunner) should be ashamed at how poorly he's handled Buck’s arc.

Eddie hasn't had a GOOD episode that's been solely about him in YEARS! And I'm disappointed in the fact that 8x6 was supposed to be his time to shine but once again it appears his scene(s) will be relegated to the last 5 minutes of the episode the same way his PTSD arc was handled in 5x13. Therefore, I hope whatever is going to happen with him shaving his mustache will be emotional and meaningful instead of it being handled in a way that's comical like the show spent the majority of the preseason promoting it. TM already spilled the beans about it which minimized the anticipation of it when he told everyone during an interview that it was going to happen only to not speak of it again for the last few weeks. Furthermore, whatever Eddie has to say about his failed marriage to Shannon, it needs to be the last time so it can be wrapped up tonight because there are only so many times she should be mentioned because she's been dead for 6 years and it's time for her to R.I.P. Now, he SHOULD talk about her when he's ready to have an open and honest conversation with Chris like he should have been allowed to do in 7x1. Also, a mention of how Eddie’s going to fix things with Chris needs to be included too because Eddie’s a great dad and I'm sick and tired of them not letting their father and son relationship move forward. Chris has been in El Paso long enough, therefore Eddie needs to travel there to see him and so that he can read his mother the riot act. RG is a fabulous actor and he deserves better. He already had to put up with that raggedy ass "Vertigo" and doppelgänger storyline BS, so can the audience please see some progress in 8x6? The show needs to turn the page on Eddie’s failed marriage once and for all.

Here's the thing, with the Madney storyline, three emergency calls, Buck's conversations with Maddie and Josh and possibly Bobby, all the BT foolishness, Eddie shaving his mustache and Eddie’s conversation(s) with the priest, it’s unlikely there will be enough time for everything and I'd rather see the stuff that matters and that will move both Buddie's and Madney's arcs forward.

Time is of the essence and there are only two weeks left before the show goes on hiatus for who knows how long. Therefore, waiting to make Buddie CANON could backfire and it’s possible they won't get the chance if they wait until 8B.

Just saying.

I'M TIRED AND I WON'T DEAL WITH ANYONE'S BS COMMENTS ABOUT BT BREAKING UP SO, DON'T REBLOG THIS WITH AN OPPOSING OPINION. IF ANYONE DISAGREES THAT’S FINE BUT THEY SHOULDN'T ATTACH IT TO MY POST. THEY SHOULD DO IT ON THEIR OWN BLOG OR GET BLOCKED LIKE EVERY BT STAN. I'M A PROACTIVE BLOCKER AND I DO IT BASED ON FILTERED TAGS! I'VE ALREADY BLOCKED THE VAST MAJORITY OF THEM BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN ONE WILL FOLLOW ME AND I IMMEDIATELY BLOCK THEM TOO.

[littlerosetrove]

Feeling real salty.

one episode in season 6A: Chris wants more independence, and Eddie learns to deal with that.

second half of season 6B: um. Eddie is lonely, actually, so we're gonna have him date! (we're gonna handle it in a kinda rushed and joking manner though). he's gonna call a random woman no one remembers, but trust us this hardware store woman is a sign of magic or something, and Eddie is definitely moving forward in life.

season 7: just kidding, the relationship with Hardware Store Lady was literally pointless and went nowhere. instead Eddie is actually, for 5 years running, still stuck on his dead wife because that's still definitely relevant and interesting, right? right??????? and Eddie will have zero growth this season because........................ we're setting stuff up for season 8!

[dearhargrove]

Survivors

Evan Buckley x reader

summary You're taking care of Christopher when Buck comes home, looking absolutely drained and in shock and goes straight to Christophers room. You overhear the news and make sure to care for both Chris and Buck.

word count 1639

tags pretty much episode 14 season 4, Eddie gets shot but it's not described, Buck is sad :(, Chris being the precious kid he is

a/n the way I sat there in silence when Eddie got shot is crazy. Like first they hurt us with Athena and Bobby's fight and then one second passes and Eddie (my bb) gets shot I'm so confused 😭 anyway I couldn't take it when I saw bucks reaction so I wrote a fix it for me. Also I screen recorded off of an illegal site to make gifs LMAO

masterlist

You're washing the dishes when the front door opens and closes, footsteps echoing through the hallway and living room - right past the kitchen.

“Eddie?” You call and the steps stop. Instead of the man you'd expected there's your husband, Buck. He looks distraught, eyes bloodshot and lips bitten raw. What the hell happened? He doesn't even really look at you, it's like he's looking through you. “Buck? You okay?”

He licks his lips and blinks a few times but he doesn't reply. He walks straight to Christopher's bedroom, you following after him in confusion and worry. Why was he alone and why did he look like he'd seen a ghost or worse?

He stops before entering Chris’ room, but not to wait for permission to come in but more like hesitancy. He balls his hand into a fist and takes a deep breath before walking in. You take his spot in the doorway and watch with a worried frown as Buck squats down in front of Chris who's sitting on his bed, playing a video game.

“Where's Dad?” Buck looks down and you see him swallow again before he looks into the kids eyes. “He's.. not coming home tonight, Chris.”

Chris seems almost unbothered by it but considering that Eddie had to stay in the hospital overnight almost regularly due to his job, it was a reasonable reaction. But Buck doesn't seem to think the same and shakes his head minimally.

“Did he get hurt? In a fire?” Chris inquires and Buck turns his head to the side and slowly shakes it in negation. Before explaining it he sits down next to Chris and pinches the bridge of his nose, frowning. “No, not- not in a fire.” He takes another deep breath before continuing, “The truth is someone hurt your Dad.”

It's been a while since you've heard his voice so sullen and raspy from crying - probably since the last visit from his parents and that was weeks ago now. You slowly and quietly come into the room as well, standing at the foot of the bed and next to Buck with his back turned to you.

He regards you with a short glance before focusing back on Christopher, confirming his question, “Yeah, a bad guy.”

You see him reach up and wipe under his eyes, frowning in empathy as you put your hand between his shoulder blades and slowly move it up and down in hopes to calm him down a bit.

“Is he gonna be okay?” Chris asks and you're glad he did because you want to know too. Buck looks at him again and nods. “Your Dad is tough. He's a fighter.”

“He's with the doctors now? The ones that fixed you?” Chris inquires and Buck nods. You see the conflict on his face before the ten year old nods, “Then he's gonna be fine.” You hum and Buck glances your way before focusing back on Chris. Just as he's about to say something his phone pings twice and he looks down at it.

Over his shoulder you see the message as well, stemming from Bobby.

Out of surgery. Doctors say it went well.

Your heart basically drops in relief and Bucks seems to as well when his phone drops from his hand and he pretty much caves in, dropping his chin to his chest as he sniffles and exhales deeply.

You thread your hand in his hair and he automatically leans into you, resting against your stomach as he starts to cry. His hands grasp at your hips before his arms wrap around you and he sobs.

“Shh, it's okay, baby. Eddie's gonna be fine. Right, Chris? Your dad's strong.”

The young boy nods and you smile assuringly as he reaches out and wraps his arm around Bucks shoulders to pat his back. You melt at the sight and ruffle his hair which he usually doesn't like - only his dad is allowed to - but now he just looks at you with worry and confusion.

“How about you go and get ready for bed, hm?” It's not a question and it is a reasonable time for him to head to bed anyway, so he complies and slowly walks to the bathroom.

When he's out of earshot you sit next to Buck and let him fully wrap his arms around you and put his head on your chest as he cries. “H-He got shot right in front of me,” he starts with hitching breaths. “He just dropped and his blood was all over me-” he sobs deeply and you kiss his head while trying to process this yourself. He got shot?

“You couldn't have prevented it, love. He's gonna be fine. Eddie survived a lot, he's going to pull through this time, too.” Buck shakes his head and pulls back enough to look at you, blue eyes glossy and chin quivering as he gasps between another sob.

“It shouldn't have been him!” This devastates you and you cup his face in your hands, your worried expression replaced by a stern one. “It shouldn't have been anyone. Not him and not you, either. You hear me?”

He whimpers and you sigh, wiping your thumbs under his eyes and placing a long, soft kiss on his birthmark. “As soon as we can, we'll go visit him. But now you have to be strong, for Christopher. He looks up to you, if he sees you sad he'll be sad, too. Let's get him to bed, and I'll take care of you after.”

You take his hand and put it over your heart, exaggerating your breaths so he could match his and calm down. Right when he does he opens his eyes again and his frown fades enough to only be barely visible. “‘m sorry.”

The shake of your head is immediate, shutting up any further apologies. “No. It's good to let it out. I'm here so you can do exactly that if you need to. I love you, Evan. Nothing's gonna change that.”

He pulls his hand from your chest and tangles it with yours instead, gently kissing your knuckles and then your inner wrist.

He used to hate his name after it reminded him of his parents- of how they treated him. It reminds him of a life where he had to endure pain to receive love and attention.

But when you say it, it makes his heart beat faster in a good way. It makes him want to move on from his trauma or at least learn to deal with it.

And moreover it makes him feel validated. With you, he's not just Buck. He's also vulnerable, emotional and a bit cheesy. He's Evan. Evan, who's had more jobs in more cities than he can count on one hand because he was trying to find his place in the world. Evan, who likes the ocean but has been uneasy around it ever since the tsunami.

You smile lovingly and peck his forehead just as Chris comes back inside. He's wearing some dino pajamas and you ‘ohh’ at him which makes him giggle and turn as if to show off his outfit.

You move up from the bed - Buck going with you and standing at the foot of it - and untuck the bedsheets. “Get in there.” Chris grins and lays down, letting you tuck him in.

“Don't be sad, kid.” He says to Buck, who tries and fails to hide a new round of tears building up in his eyes. You had no clue where and why Chris sometimes calls Buck or even Eddie ‘kid’ but both of them seemed to love it.

“I'm just a bit worried for your Dad. But he'll be fine,” he adds the last part when you glance at him warningly, not wanting Chris to worry, and smiles. “Goodnight, bud.”

You leave his nightlight on and the door open as you leave.

Buck settles on the couch and watches as you approach and stand in front of him.

He leans back into the couch and looks at you with those puppy dog eyes that make you melt every single time he looks at you. Damn him and his beautiful eyes.

“I'm really scared. I don't know what I would do without him… when he laid there and looked at me, I-” he inhales sharply and looks at his hands, picking at his nails and reopening an old abrasion in the process.

You take his hand into each of yours to stop him and sigh, “I think you're gonna have to move from monthly sessions to biweekly, babe.” You know his therapy has been helping him a lot and you're glad he's working on coping with his trauma, but this addition is going to complicate not just his home life but also work - especially when Eddie comes back.

He groans and pulls you down until you're sitting on his lap, knees on either side of his thighs and his hands on your hips. “I appreciate your help, lovie, but just let me try and rest a little right now, please?”

You smile and card a hand through hair, moving to get off his lap so he could get comfortable on the couch. “Where do you think you're going?” He huffs and you're pushed onto your back before he's leaning over you, laying between your legs.

“You're gonna use me as your pillow?” You prompt and he nods, laying his head on your shoulder and nuzzling his nose into your neck and against your pulse point. You're familiar with his constant search for proof that you're alive and well; you supposed it comes from not just the job but his abandonment issues, too.

It didn't matter to you though, as long as you got to hold him at the end of the day you'd let him maneuver you into whatever way made him happy.

[bambi-slxt]

I’ve been feeling really down lately so would you mind writing something real fluffy with either chris x reader or matt x reader and it’s about how playful they are together and they’re always teasing and tickling each other and stuff like that.

Just something real cute, love your writing btw!!

of course, honey <3 a/n at the bottom

playful!matt & playful!chris:

✨a concept✨

making dinner -

chris: definitely dancing around the kitchen and being exactly zero help. "come on," he yaps, grinning his cute stupid little grin, "dance with me, pretty girl, the pasta can wait." "chris!" you can't help but giggle at the kid. "wanna dance with my lady." his smile is almost too big for his face, and your heart feels tight.

matt: does everything he can to distract you while simultaneously assuming an air of utter and absolute innocence. "i don't know what you're talking about," he says, slipping behind you and pinching your side, rolling his eyes at what he believes is an incredible overreaction from you.

going thrifting -

chris: tries to scare you by hiding in the racks like you haven't been watching him the entire time, only to be disappointed when you're not startled in the slightest. "but...but..." he grumbles, hanging off your shoulders, arms wrapped dejectedly around your neck, "i tried so hard."

matt: "what do you mean, 'don't get the grand-dad shirt'? this is the peak of fashion!"

the shirt in question:

movie night -

chris: resorts to assailing you with tickling when he doesn't get his way. "i wanna - mmfh - watch The Lion - fuck! - King, so we're gonna fuckin' watch - you motherfucker - The Lion - GET BACK HERE!"

matt: keeps trying to drown his face in your tummy instead of watching whatever's put on the tv. "it's just so cozy." his words are incredibly muffled. "you begged me for three days to watch this with you." "mmfh. gimme head scratches." "you're such a baby." "i love youuuuu."

beach day -

chris: insists on playing mermaids ("wait how come you get the sparkly tail. i'm the merman king, i should get the sparkly tail."), lifeguards ("okay, okay, pretend you're like, drowning, yeah. why? so i can be a hero and save you! duh."), and terraforming the beach itself ("it'll be good for a tiktok, yeah, just dig the trench all the way up there by the towels, and then we can divert all the water away from here and-").

matt: hunts all morning for shells for you and teaches himself to braid so he can string them in your hair. he ends up tangling things more than he produces actual results, but is very careful to undo his mistakes and reapply sunscreen on your shoulders. "and here i thought you hated the beach." "i despise the beach," he says cheerfully, closing yet another ziploc baggie filled to the brim with shells. "can't wait to go home." "liar." matt smiles against your neck, his chest pressing into your back. "yeah, maybe."

farmer's market -

chris: conveniently forgets how much he hates fruits and vegetables because, "they just look so, like...anasthetic. that's the word right?" "nope." "anta...antacid? anna..." "aesthetic?" "that's the bitch, look at these strawberries, they're fucking huge-" "you let the strawberries nick bought last week grow mold in the fridge!" chris grins. "what's your point?"

matt: more focused on petting the dogs people brought with them than looking at the actual stalls with products/goods. "who's a good boy, yeah you are, hey babe we should get a dog, oh my god, you're just the sweetest lil' guy-"

night out:

chris: never lets you walk on the outside of the sidewalk and always stops to listen to the musicians through the bars' flung-wide windows. "baby, look, his guitar's got flames on the side. oh shit, you cold? hey, come here, kid," he chuffs, gathering you under his arm, dulcet harmonies flowing from the bar into the soft night air. "i love you," he murmurs, his lips fluttering against the shell of your ear. "i love bein' out here with ya."

matt: gently hands his finger from the belt loop of your jeans, guiding you lightly through the crowds, watching your face light up at the sights and sounds around you. "holy shit, they're so drunk!" "yeah," he says softly. he couldn't care less about a single other thing in this moment - how would he, when the sparkling neon of the nighttime scene washed over your features?

ice-cream date -

chris: plans to get something to share and refuses to hear anything to the contrary, grinning at all attempts to sway him. "yeah, she'll have - quit it - that one over there, please - i'll tickle you right here in public, i swear to god i will - yeah, thanks - miss lady you better watch it-" "...okay, this is pretty good." he scrunches his nose quite cutely in lieu of a verbal response, shoveling spoonfuls into his mouth.

matt: does literally everything he can to get you to make a mess just so he can do the cliche 'wipe ice cream from your lip' move. "i'm a classy guy, alright, leave me alone," he says with a grin.

cleaning day -

chris: CAUTION- may actually flat-out refuse. "we could just stay in bed though," he grumbles, holding your arm hostage. "we gotta cleannnn..." "nahhhh, come back to me." in a sudden burst of energy, he tugs you all the way back onto him, rolling you onto the mattress and under the blanket in one fell movement.

matt: shuffles your favorite playlist, turns it up, and dances with a feather duster you didn't even know he owned. "WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?" "STOLE IT FROM NICK'S ROOM. COME ON, WE GOTTA DUST!"

grocery shopping -

chris: has a cart and a dream, and is infinitely more focused on you than actually locating the necessary items. "you want it? yes, mamas," he chuckles, "get whatever you want. yeah i mean it. that's what you want for dinner? okay," he shrugs, his downturned smile making his dimples show up and show out, "i'll make ya whatever you want."

matt: has a list and a plan, both of which quickly crumble as he finds it impossible to resist your impulse-purchasing. "no, baby, we gotta..." - long-suffering sigh - "we already have...yes we do, they're at home in your drawer...what do you mean, 'they're all gone', how did you...okay, well chris isn't SUPPOSED to eat your fucking snacks-"

vlogging -

chris: "okay guys, so i'm gonna take her to build-a-bear but it's gonna be a surprise so don't- HEY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE OUT HERE YET-" the camera falls onto the couch as a blurry image of you and chris rolling around on the floor fades into view. his hat flies off and his weird, goofy laugh fills the living room.

matt: "hey guys >:|" "tell them :)" "i'm fuckin' getting there. so i said last time that i would never do this stupid wheel of punishments again, but someone convinced me-"

makeup/facials -

chris: "this feels colllld. i'm only doing this cuz i love u. what's this one supposed to do? the last one said it was gonna clean out my pores or something, and this one...'just looks cute', huh? i'm gonna fUCKING-" he launches off his bathroom counter and tackles you onto his bed in a flurry of kisses and tickles

matt: "i think i look great with eyeliner actually. what is it larray says, cunty? do i look cunty? why are you laughing?"

cuddle time -

chris: "absolutely not. come here mamas. you're not goin' anywhere, it's rainin' outside, an' i know you're still tired...come on, i miss ya already..." he smiles as you oh-so-reluctantly nestle back into the covers he holds up for you. "atta girl. stay here til' you die." "chris what the fuck." "that was romantic!" "...sure it was honey. sure it was." his laugh makes you roll your eyes, but the peppered kisses that follow make you smile in spite of yourself. "i love you...you know that, right?" "i had an idea, yeah." he tugs you into his body with a playful growl. "shut up."

matt: simply locks his legs around yours so you couldn't leave even if you wanted to. he traces lazy shapes on the back of your hand and his breath fans down over your neck. "miss girl..." "hm?" "were you aware that i loved you?" "ohmygoddoyoureally?" matt's hold tightens and his low chuckle rumbles through your skin. "you're terrible."

request to be on the taglist under this post right here

tags: @pinksturniolo @malirosee @st7rnioioss @nonat-111 @cindylcuwho @evie-sturns @h3arts4harry @fanficsbymia @dazednmatthews @sturniolo-rat @mattsmad @sturniolo04 @bellasturn @blahbel668 @yomamaslays4lyfe @stasiesturn @pleasantlycrazyworld @ariqolyx @wh0resstuff @krissy4gov @coochiedestroyer1 @solarsturniolo 

notes from bambi:

thank you for the request anon! i'm so sorry this took so long but i hope it was at least somewhat worth the wait, and i hope things get back on track for you soon <3

[writingwithciara]

18 (Part 2) ~Matt Sturniolo~

summary: back in la, things start heading south for y/n & matt while a little bit of jealousy drives y/n into the arms of chris

word count: 10.4k (longest thing i've ever written. holy)

pairing: matt sturniolo x fem!reader, brief chris sturniolo x fem!reader

notes: i wasn’t sure i wanted to write another part of ‘18’ but i had an idea the other night and had to write it. wasn't aware it was going to fit with ‘18’ but i’m happy it did. insecurity, jealousy & swearing throughout. toxic matt & sweet chris. a few suggestive moments & allusions to sexual content, smut at the end. enjoy!

part 1 !

masterlist

as soon as y/n and matt walked through the door to the triplets house 3 days later, chris was attacking them with questions. matt ignored every single one of them and went straight to his room. chris looked at y/n hoping she had an answer but all she did was shrug.

“he was like that the entire plane ride. don't know what’s wrong with him.” she sighed and sat down on the couch. chris took the seat next to her and resumed the tv show he had been watching.

“he’s normally moody. wouldn't worry too much about him. he’ll snap out of it eventually.” chris took a moment to look at his friend. “did anything happen in miami that could’ve caused this mood?”

“not that i can remember. everything was great while we were there. and even after we kissed, everything seemed to be perfect between us.” y/n shook her head.

“you guys actually kissed?!?” chris nearly yelled, pausing his show and giving her his full attention. “i knew it. nick owes me 10 bucks.”

“chris, now is not the time to be thinking about that.” y/n sighed. “what if matt only said all those sweet things and kissed me because it was christmas? what if he only did it because my dad had just proposed to crystal and he was caught up in the moment?”

“y/n, i’m sure that’s not why he kissed you.” chris looked up at her with sad eyes. “he’s just being stupid right now. it will definitely blow over.”

“i hope you’re right because valentine’s day is coming up soon and i was hoping that matt and i would be doing something that day. something romantic.”

“if he doesn’t snap out of his mattitude soon, if worst comes to worst, i’ll be your matt replacement for the evening.”

“i appreciate the offer, chris. thank you.” y/n let out a small chuckle and looked at the tv.

“anytime.” he looked at his phone quickly before turning his show off. “it’s getting late and i'm heading to bed. nick is gone for the night so you can sleep in his room if you want. but you are more than welcome to come crash in my room if you don’t feel like being alone tonight.”

“okay.” y/n grabbed her phone and followed chris downstairs to his room. chris sat in his chair and faced the bed.

“if you want, we can play some fortnite or something. shooting things might help take your mind off of matt for a while.” chris picked up his controller. “you up for it?”

“sure. why not?” y/n pulled his extra chair over and looked at the screen. “i wish matt was as easy to read as you or nick.”

“what do you mean?” chris opened the game and looked at y/n. “you think that i’m easy to read?”

“well, easier than matt. i can mostly tell what you’re thinking at any given moment.”

“okay. what am i thinking of right now?”

“you’re thinking that i'm a better fortnite player than you, obviously.” y/n smiled.

“wow. lucky guess.” chris rolled his eyes playfully and started a match. as they took turns playing, y/n’s worries about matt began to fade. she focused on taking out as many opponents as she could while chris watched in amazement. after a few hours of playing, chris pointed out it was nearly 4 am. “we should probably get some sleep. that jet lag should be hitting you soon.”

“you’re right.” y/n stood up and took her spot on the left side of chris’ bed. he quickly joined her on the right side and plugged both of their phones into the chargers.

“see you in a few hours, y/n.” chris yawned and quickly passed out after. y/n stayed awake for another half hour before she dozed off herself.

around 7 am, matt was in the kitchen getting some water when he nearly tripped over y/n’s suitcase. he thought she had gone home but realized how late they got back to la and went to check nick’s room for her. when she wasn’t in his bed, he began to panic. then he remembered that y/n and chris liked to play fortnite together. so he ventured down to chris’ bedroom and opened the door as quietly as he could.

chris' arm was placed delicately across y/n’s waist and she was snuggled up close to him, essentially being the little spoon to chris’ big spoon. matt swore he could feel his heart break at the sight. he slowly closed the door and headed back to his room, his thoughts taking over and keeping him from going back to sleep.

a few hours later, y/n stretched and looked behind her. at some point in the night, she and chris had moved into a cuddling position and although it wasn’t a rare thing, she felt guilty. part of her knew that if matt had seen them, he would be heartbroken and she couldn’t deal with that. she felt chris’ arm move slowly as he began to wake up. y/n turned to face him and smiled.

“good morning.” he returned the smile and removed his arm from her waist completely. “sleep alright?”

“yeah.” she sat up and pulled the sleeves of her shirt down to cover her hands. “i still feel a bit upset about the whole matt thing though. he keeps running through my mind and i hate that.”

“don’t waste all your energy trying to solve the mystery that is matthew sturniolo.” chris sat up and looked at y/n. “he’s my brother and i still haven’t quite figured it out yet.”

“i suppose you’re right.” y/n moved herself off the bed and grabbed her phone. “i should head back to my apartment soon and unpack. i'll stop by later though, okay?”

“yeah. alright.” chris grabbed a shirt and followed her out of his room. “um, do you want a ride home?”

“well seeing how you can’t drive and the only other person in the house who can is matt, i think i’ll pass.”

“i can ask matt & if you think it’s going to be awkward, i can come with you guys.”

“it’s fine, chris. i only live a few blocks away. i've made the walk before.”

“yeah but you never had to do it with a large, heavy suitcase.” chris pleaded with her and when she sighed, he knew she was about to give in.

“i hate when you’re right.” y/n went to lift her suitcase but almost fell over. “i really hate it.”

matt wasn’t as willing to drive her home as chris was hoping but he did it anyway just so he would have time to think without her around.

when y/n walked into her apartment, the first thing she did was facetime nick. his bright smiling face appeared and even though he reminded her of matt, y/n couldn’t help but smile back.

“hey. you back in la?”

“yeah. we got back last night and i crashed at your place. i was really sad you weren’t there.” y/n sighed and looked around her apartment.

“i know. but I’ll make it up to you later when you come back over.” he paused for a second after taking in her expression. it was pensive. “you are coming back over, aren’t you?”

“i don’t know, nick. things have been really weird between me and matt since we got on the plane.” y/n sighed. “i did promise chris that i would come back later.”

“then it’s settled. and if things seem awkward with matt, chris and i will act as buffers.”

“i love you, nick.” y/n smiled at her best friend. he didn’t even have to ask what happened or why it was all of a sudden awkward. he believed her wholeheartedly, without question.

“i love you too.” he offered her a kind smile. “so i’ll see you later?”

“yeah. about an hour or two. still gotta have a shower and unpack.” y/n glanced over at her suitcase and sighed. the memories of the trip filling every vacant part of her brain. “talk to you later, nick.”

“can’t wait.” nick smiled and hung up. y/n set her phone on the coffee table and headed to the bathroom. while the warm water washed over her, she thought back to the last day of the trip

matt and y/n were sitting with brooke and jackson on the lounge chairs around the pool. matt’s hand rested gently on y/n’s thigh as he talked to jackson. brooke was on the other side of y/n and she was observing everything matt did to show affection to y/n. she gently nudged her cousins shoulder and pulled her attention away from matt.

“what’s up, brooke?”

“your boyfriend is perfect. just thought i would let you know.” brooke beamed. “he’s hot, funny, sweet & most importantly, he treats you like an absolute princess. and an added bonus is he gets along with every member of our family. that's almost impossible.”

“he’s pretty perfect, i suppose.” y/n nodded and faced matt, only to find him already staring at her.

“hey.”

“hey.” y/n smiled and it felt like they were the only two there.

“when did you want to head back to the hotel?”

“after dinner. dad and crystal are making my favorite meal.” y/n played with the necklace around her neck.

back at the hotel that night, y/n was stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around her body when matt decided to walk right in.

“matt!”

“sorry. thought you were dressed already.” he turned around and left the bathroom, not bothering to shut the door. just as y/n reached for the handle, matt came back. “for what it’s worth, you look amazing.”

“matthew bernard!” y/n pushed him out of the bathroom and got dressed quickly. she got in her bed and faced matt’s direction. “i can never thank you enough for coming with me this week, you know.”

“you don’t have to thank me. it was a lot of fun.” he smiled widely and placed his phone down on the nightstand between the beds. “we’ve been sharing the same bed all week so why are you over in that bed?”

“not quite sure.” y/n glanced over at him. “instinct i guess.”

“well is it okay if i join you over there?” matt looked at her hopefully. she nodded and matt wasted no time climbing into the bed behind her. he cautiously placed his arm over her waist, doing his best not to put too much pressure on the situation.

y/n noticed his behavior and placed her hand over his much larger one, turning her head just enough to see the awkward half-smile on matt’s face.

“you okay with this?” matt whispered into her ear. y/n felt a shiver crawl down her spine at the thought of how close they were. instead of focusing on that, y/n began to play with the rings on matt’s fingers. she nodded in response to his question and felt him loosen up a bit. he got as close as he possibly could and placed a soft kiss just beneath her ear.

“matt.” her voice came out as more of a soft moan than the intended whisper. matt smirked to himself and placed more kisses on her neck, causing her to to pull her bottom lip between her teeth. the hand that was resting over her waist began to wander her body but matt stopped when y/n turned to face him.

“i’m sorry. i should’ve checked with you to make sure that was alright.” He began to stumble over his words so y/n shut him up with a kiss. as their lips molded together perfectly, y/n took matt’s bottom lip between her own, causing him to groan. something stirred inside y/n for the first time and her confidence took over. she climbed onto his lap and deepened the kiss as he held her hips tightly.

the kiss went way beyond the confines of their friendship and even though they had admitted their feelings the day before, it still felt like uncharted territory.

matt's hands moved from their place on y/n’s waist to just beneath the bottom of her shirt. or rather, his shirt that she had managed to steal from him at some point in time. his fingers danced delicately on the bare skin, causing y/n to shudder a little bit. matt pulled away from the kiss and raised an eyebrow.

“you alright?”

“yeah but your fingers are cold.” y/n hid her face in the crook of matt’s neck, gently placing a kiss there. she then rolled off his lap and pulled herself into him. matt didn’t question the sudden change. instead, he opted for holding y/n as close as possible and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “good night, matt.”

the water in the shower was nearly ice cold by the time y/n was finished. and when she got out, she realized that maybe part of matt’s sudden mood change was her fault.

she got dressed and headed out to her car. there were so many things she needed to talk to matt about.

when she got to the house, she knocked hard and waited. matt answered the door and silently let her inside.

“matt, can we talk?”

he ignored her question and headed to the kitchen. “chris is in the shower right now and nick still isn’t home. you're free to hang out here until one of them returns. i'll be in my room.” matt turned away from her and headed down the hall. but y/n wasn’t about to give up. she stepped between him and the door, causing him to sigh in annoyance.

“you can’t just ignore me, matt.” she followed him as he turned to head back to the kitchen. “we need to have a serious conversation and you need to stop acting like a child.”

“how am i acting like the child?” he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms, sipping on the root beer he had pulled from the fridge.

“matt, seriously?” y/n mirrored his position and pinched the bridge of her nose. “this is ridiculous. you're ignoring me and acting like nothing happened in miami.”

“well that’s because nothing happened.” matt shrugged casually and looked at her.

“really? you're still going to act like this?” y/n scoffed. “matt, we had a really heated moment and then it was over. how can you say nothing happened?”

“because it didn’t.” he sighed. “look, you can live in your little delusion all you want but i'm sticking with the facts.”

“so what? the kisses meant nothing?” she grabbed his shoulder and forced him to face her. “tell me they meant absolutely nothing to you and i'll leave it alone.” she searched his eyes for an answer and when all she got was silence, she felt tears begin to fall. her hand dropped from its position on his shoulder and she took a step back. “silence is all the confirmation i needed. see you around, matt.” y/n grabbed her keys from the counter and began heading for the door.

chris had finished his shower and was on his way up when he heard the argument taking place. he froze on the stairs until he heard y/n’s voice crack. he could tell she was crying and he wanted to punch matt for the silence. y/n said goodbye and chris could hear her footsteps heading down the front stairs. he emerged from his spot and went after his best friend, not sparing a glance matt’s way as he followed y/n out to her car.

“y/n, stop what you’re doing. you are not about to leave in this state. i refuse to let that happen.”

“i need to leave, chris.” y/n leaned her head on the car door and sobbed. “how can he say that the kisses meant nothing?”

“well, he never actually said they didn’t.” chris pointed out, earning a glare from y/n.

“the silence was all i needed to hear, chris.” y/n turned to lean her back against the door. she slid down until she was sitting on the driveway. chris sat next to her and sighed.

“i told you my brother was an idiot, y/n.”

“chris, in case you haven’t noticed, i'm not in the mood for an i told you so.” y/n almost snapped until she saw his face. she hardly ever raised her voice and it was never towards him. “i'm sorry. i-i didn’t mean to yell.”

“it’s okay. you should let it out. get angry.”

“i am not going to take my anger out on you, chris.” y/n smiled and chris saw it.

“i got you to smile!” he clapped his hands together excitedly. “if you want, we can go to a rage room.”

“i think i just want to go to your room and play some fortnite.” y/n bumped his shoulder and stood up. chris took her outstretched hand and ushered her back inside. he took her keys from him and they both headed down to his bedroom.

from his own room, matt could her them laughing whenever they killed an enemy player. little snip-its of their conversation could also be heard and it caused matt’s blood to boil. he shouldn’t be feeling this way, considering how he had just treated y/n not even 10 minutes ago.

a few more hours went by before nick came home. at this point in time, y/n and chris were in the living room laughing at a stupid movie they picked. when y/n saw nick, she jumped off the couch and hugged him.

“oh how i missed you. really glad you and chris didn’t kill each other while we were gone or else i would be forced to live a life without my 2 favorite people in the world.” she squeezed nick tightly and chris joined the hug.

“it wasn’t easy because chris is very annoying.” nick chuckled. chris punched his arm and almost fell backwards. y/n caught his arm and smiled.

“easy there, chris.”

“guess you could say i'm falling for you.” chris shot a smirk her way at the exact moment matt emerged from his room. the air around the group suddenly became heavy and quiet.

“why are you looking at me like that?” he questioned. y/n was staring at her feet while chris sent a glare his brothers way. nick had a sense of what had happened but didn’t want to ask any questions so he just looked anywhere else. “fine. don't answer me.”

“wasn’t planning on it.” chris spit out. matt grabbed a can of root beer from the fridge and looked around the room quickly before turning his attention to nick.

“remember how we were going to film a vlog on valentines day since none of us had plans?”

“yeah what about it?” nick shook his head and looked at y/n.

“turns out i have a date that night so i will be unavailable to film.” matt smirked and y/n wanted to slap that stupid look off his face. the only person he should’ve made plans with that night was her. she scooted closer to chris without even thinking.

“really?”

“yup.”

“who with?”

“madi.” he turned and headed back to his room. nick stood in his spot, completely speechless. chris put his arm around y/n’s shoulder and rubbed her arm.

“what the fuck?” she muttered under her breath, her voice beginning to crack. chris removed his arm and stood in front of her while nick took his place. they were trying their best to comfort her but the gestures weren’t working. y/n felt like her heart had been ripped out twice in one day.

“that’s it. you and i are definitely making plans now.” chris pulled her in for a hug, feeling extremely protective of his best friend. “i promise to make that kid regret his choices today.”

“how do you plan on doing that, chris?”

“gonna do everything for you that he should be doing. i'll write you love letters and shower you with gifts all day.”

“you don’t have to.” y/n tugged at the sleeves of the sweater she was wearing.

“i know i don’t have to. but i want to. i promised you earlier that i would be your matt replacement for the night, remember?”

“of course.” y/n looked up at him and smiled. he always knew how to pull her out of the worst moods.

“kinda wish i had been here earlier so i would know the full story.” nick shook his head and went up to his own room. y/n and chris went down to his room and played fortnite for a few hours.

after what felt like the 50th round, y/n stood up and stretched her body. chris averted his gaze out of respect when the sweater she was wearing rose up a little, revealing the small sun tattoo she got with nick last summer.

“i should get going. thanks for making today a little better for me.”

“you don’t have to thank me. you’re my best friend and i was just doing what any good friend would do.”

“well you’re the best friend in the entire world, chris.” y/n smiled and ruffled his hair playfully. “i love you.”

“love you too.” he smiled widely before checking his phone. “wanna stay for dinner? i was going to order a pizza. pepperoni, your favorite. we could even sit in the living room and watch your favorite movie.”

“you had me at dinner.” y/n ran up to the living room and laid on the couch. chris lifted her legs and placed them in his lap. matt walked out of his room, saw the way they were sitting together on the couch and rolled his eyes before looking down at his phone.

“hey matt. i'm ordering pizza for dinner.” chris didn’t look towards the kitchen as he informed his brother of their dinner plans.

“okay cool.” matt glanced up from his phone long enough to see chris place his hand just above y/n’s right knee. they were always affectionate with each other and matt knew there was no attraction between them so why was this bothering him so much? “i'll be in my room facetiming madi. come get me when the pizza gets here.” he nodded in their direction and went to his room. he wasn’t going to be facetiming anyone. he only said that to get a rise out of y/n. and judging by the way he saw her tense up, he knew it had worked.

y/n waited until she heard matt’s door shut completely before speaking again. “chris, do you think matt likes madi?” her fingers played with the strings of her hoodie as she spoke.

“i doubt it. but who knows with him?” chris focused on y/n as she began fidgeting in her spot. she was laser focused on the strings.

“am i only good enough when we’re not in la?” she glanced up at chris and felt like crying. chris noticed her intake of breath and his hand began tracing circles on her thigh. slow at first but speeding up every 5 seconds. it was the most effective way to calm her down.

“stop talking nonsense. you're more than good enough everywhere, y/n. matt is just being ridiculous.”

“i think his sudden shift in mood is because of what happened on our last night in miami.”

“what happened on the last night?” chris raised an eyebrow as y/n dove into the story. she explained how they almost hooked up and why she stopped it. chris didn’t judge her. he understood everything.

over the next week, whenever y/n was over at the house, chris would make sure to hand her little love notes when matt was around. he also called her every pet name he could think of. and did the bare minimum of what a ‘boyfriend’ should do.

every day, matt observed their interactions and with each passing day, he started to regret trying to make y/n jealous of madi. he wanted to be the one to write y/n notes and he wanted to be the one she adored endlessly. but he was too blinded by his own jealousy to realize what he had given up.

it came to the point where whenever y/n was at the house, which was pretty much all the time, he would have to stay in his room until she ended up in chris’ room for the night or went home. 9 times out of 10 she stayed overnight & it almost made matt sick seeing her with chris.

at some point in their little charade, the love letters chris gave y/n to feel real. to him, at least. he knew that the way he was feeling was wrong but he was so mad at his brother that he didn’t care about moving in on his girl.

one night, while y/n was laying on his bed in his fresh love crewneck & scrolling through tiktok, chris couldn’t help himself. he ended his game and laid beside her. he moved a piece of her hair out of her eyes and carefully placed it behind her ear. this little action drew y/n’s attention away from her phone, causing her gaze to go elsewhere, meeting the blue eyes she adored.

“hey.” she smiled, causing chris to blush profusely. “that’s really cute.”

“what is?”

“the way you’re blushing. and all because i smiled at you.” y/n kissed the tip of his nose and smiled again.

“you’re the cutest human being alive.” chris tried hiding the blush that crept up on his cheeks but y/n noticed it and held his face.

“excuse me but do i look like a fucking mirror, christopher? because how can i be the cutest human being alive when you also exist?” she looked into eyes and smiled at him again.

that smile. that damn smile. it’d be the death of him at this point. if there was ever a moment of tension to do something that could potentially make or break a relationship, now would’ve been the perfect time for him to make his move. but he didn’t have any time to react as y/n’s lips quickly found his.

he was shocked at first but after a moment, he kissed her back, pulling her close. he rolled onto his back, taking her with him. y/n was now straddling him and the kiss didn’t break.

y/n deepened the kiss and ran her hands down his chest, causing chris to groan and pull away for a second.

“wait.” he looked at her. “i need to know something before this goes any further.”

“what?”

“are you only doing this to get matt jealous? or are you actually into me?”

“can we just not complicate things right now, chris? you’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“yeah of course.”

“then let’s just go with that. no need to make things more complicated than they already are.” y/n looked at chris and bit her lip. he was a sucker for her, that’s for sure.

for the remainder of time before valentines day, y/n and chris began an arrangement that really stretched the boundaries of their friendship. they never slept together but they were both willing to do whatever they could to please the other. chris was never one to leave a girl unsatisfied so there were times their encounters lasted hours. and chris loved every second of it.

matt tried to drown out the noises he heard coming from downstairs each time but even through his headphones, he could still hear it somehow. whether it was the sounds y/n made or the way she said chris’ name, matt couldn’t get it out of his head no matter how hard he tried.

how can she sleep with chris when she wouldn’t sleep with me? he often thought to himself. it was a constant reminder that falling for his brothers best friend wasn’t a good idea.

when valentines day finally arrived, chris woke up incredibly early and decided to make y/n some breakfast in bed. just as he finished plating everything, matt came out of his room and eyed chris’ neck before scoffing and opening the fridge.

“happy valentines day, matt.” chris smiled and grabbed the tray of food before heading down to his room. when he entered, y/n was sitting up, scrolling through her phone. she looked up when she heard his footsteps come closer.

“what’s all this?” she smiled and inspected the tray.

“well, it’s valentines day. the day of romance. and since i agreed to be your matt replacement today, i thought it’d be nice to wake you up with something delicious.”

y/n took a bite of the french toast and moaned at the taste. “this is the best fucking french toast i have ever had.”

“you think so?”

“yeah. it’s delicious.” she kept eating while chris sat next to her. “so what’s the plan for tonight?” she asked with a mouthful of food.

“i was thinking we could stay in and i could make you your favorite meal.”

“you can make chicken cordon bleu?”

“no.” he chuckled. “what’s your second favorite meal?”

“i like cheeseburgers and i love your cheeseburgers.”

“if that’s what you want, then that’s what you’ll get tonight.”

“you’re the best.” y/n slipped on one of chris’ hoodies and walked towards the door. “i'm gonna go see nick for a minute but when i get back, i'm going to thank you properly for the breakfast.”

y/n left the room with a devilish smirk and headed up to nick’s room. she knocked lightly and waited before walking into his room. he was still asleep so she jumped up on his bed and tickled his nose. he quickly swatted her hand away and opened his eyes.

“let me sleep. you and chris are two floors below me and i could still hear everything that was going on down there.” he closed his eyes and turned away from her. “you guys are disgusting.”

“okay mr grumpy pants. i was just coming to wish you a happy valentines day.” she giggled, kissed his forehead and left the room. as she made her way through the kitchen, matt came out of the bathroom. he took in her attire and rolled his eyes. “what the fuck is your problem, matthew?”

“i just think it’s pretty funny that you wouldn’t sleep with me, someone you were supposedly ‘in love with’ but you’ll sleep with chris every chance you get.”

“well if you hadn’t been a jerk the entire time we’ve been home, you’d probably be the one who gets to do things to me. you’d be the one getting to leave these marks on me.” she rolled up the bottom of the hoodie and showed off the inside of her thigh. dark marks littered the skin there. matt clenched his jaw and stared at her.

“this is ridiculous.” he shook his head. “can’t believe you’re acting like such a whore.”

“fuck you, matt.” y/n shot him the finger and headed back down to chris’ room, slamming the door and causing herself to jump. “sorry, chris. didn’t mean to slam the door.”

“it’s alright.” he walked over to her and looked at her face. her eyes were welling up with tears and chris felt bad.

“i know i said when i got back from nick’s room that i would thank you properly for the breakfast, but can we just lay in bed, please?”

“of course. don't worry about it.” he ushered over to the bed and laid down with her, holding her tight. “are you alright?”

“matt’s an asshole.” she sighed, wiping away at the few tears that fell down her cheeks.

“what did he say to you?”

“he said i was acting like a whore.” she sniffled. chris shot out of bed and headed for the door. “chris, please don’t.” y/n fiddled with her fingers and looked at chris.

“i'm sorry but he can’t just say something like that and get away with it.” chris turned the knob and it was y/n’s turn to get out of bed. she hurried over to the chris and wedged herself between him and the door, gently placing a hand on his cheek.

“please?” she whispered lowly, on the verge of tears. chris crumbled and let her lead him back over to the bed. she played with his hair as they cuddled on the bed. it was clear they needed each other on a deeper level than just intimacy.

an hour later, chris noticed y/n had fallen asleep. he slipped out of her embrace and made his way up to matt’s bedroom. he knocked twice before matt yanked the door open.

“what do you want?”

“i want you to apologize.”

“i'm not apologizing to you.”

“no. you need to apologize to y/n for saying she was acting like a whore. last month, you were so madly in love with her and now you’re acting colder than you ever have. this is not the way you’re supposed to treat the person you love.”

“i'm over her, chris. she’s yours now. you can have your turn.” matt tried shutting his door but chris stopped it.

“look, matt. that girl is still hurting and she’s blaming herself for what’s happening between you guys.”

“then she should’ve thought about that before she started sleeping with you after basically rejecting me in miami.”

“she didn’t reject you, matt. and we’re not sleeping together.”

“oh please. save it, okay? i can not only hear you guys going at it in your room but i’ve also seen the marks you left on her. if those aren’t clear signs you’re having sex, then i don’t know what is.”

“it’s literally everything but sex.” chris ran his hands through his hair. “did you ever stop to think about why she didn’t sleep with you in miami? it’s because she was scared, okay? she was terrified that if she gave you everything that you would just turn around and hurt her. and you guys didn’t even have to have sex to do that. you’re killing her slowly, matthew. and honestly, i hate you so much for it right now.”

“don’t hate me for your girlfriends choices.” matt checked his phone. “now, if you don’t mind, i have a date to get ready for.”

chris stood in shock as matt closed the door roughly. why was his brother not understanding the situation clearly? it was driving him crazy.

instead of going back down to his own room, chris headed up to nick’s.

“nick, i need you to ask madi to be your date tonight.”

“what are you talking about? doesn't she have a date with matt?”

“yes but matt and y/n need to go on a valentines date. they're supposed to be together. not him and madi.”

“wait, i'm confused.” nick held up his hand and shook his head. “why are you trying to set your girlfriend up with matt?”

“she’s not my girlfriend.” chris ran his hands down his face. “her heart belongs to matt.”

“so? if he doesn’t want to be with her, then you gotta take a chance.”

“but he does want to be with her. you should’ve seen the way he got jealous when he thought i was having sex with y/n.”

“you guys aren’t having sex? then what the hell are you doing that makes so much noise?” he questioned, the realization hitting him a few seconds later. “oh. ew.”

“so, can you text madi or not?”

“i can try. but if she’s into this date, there’s not going to be a way to get her out of it.” nick began typing on his phone. within seconds, madi was requesting to facetime. nick answered it quickly and it didn’t take long for madi to start speaking.

“what are you even talking about, nick? i don’t have anything planned with matt tonight.” she raised her eyebrow and got closer to the camera. “why would he say that? oh my god. do you think he likes me?”

“no.” chris shook his head and turned to nick. “he’s an idiot.”

“i agree. why would he say he’s going on a date with madi if it’s not true?”

“because he was trying to make y/n jealous, obviously.” chris sprinted out of the room and almost fell as he took 2 steps at a time to get back to his room. y/n jumped back as he threw the door open, as she was just about to go looking for him.

“you look like you’ve been running laps around the house. what's going on?”

“change of plans tonight. instead of me cooking dinner for you, i'm taking you out to eat.” he smiled and looked around his room.

“okay. i'm not complaining, but why the sudden change?”

“just want an excuse to dress up.” he held her face gently and smiled widely.

“oh, how about you still cook for me and i'll still get all dressed up.”

“that sounds like a better plan.” he leaned in to kiss her and smiled when she kissed him back. “do you have something at the house you can change into?”

“yeah. it’s up in nick’s room.” she looked at him. “be right back.” y/n dashed out of chris’ room and went upstairs to nick’s room. she paused outside in the hallway when she heard nick and madi talking.

“so if he likes y/n, why doesn’t he just tell her? i mean, didn’t they just spend a whole week together in miami?”

“they did and from what i learned, something happened and it screwed up their relationship. i’m not sure what it was exactly, but matt’s been ignoring her since they got back and y/n’s been spending all her time with chris.”

“so, are y/n and chris together now?”

“no. well, i'm not quite sure. they might as well be.”

“but she needs to be with matt. maybe you should tell her that matt’s ‘date’ with me was never actually a thing.”

“no. it’s gotta be matt who tells her.”

y/n knocked on his door and looked at nick. “hey.”

“hey. how much of that did you hear?” nick turned towards her, still on the call with madi.

“almost everything.” she shrugged her shoulders.

“hey y/n.” madi waved with a smile.

“hey.” y/n returned the smile and looked back at nick. “i came up to get that dress i left up here. need it for my date.”

“it’s in my closet.” nick nodded towards the door and y/n walked in. nick was right behind her. “who’s your date tonight?”

“chris.” she reached for the baby blue piece of clothing. “instead of going out to a fancy restaurant, we came to a compromise. he's going to cook for me and we’re going to dress up as if we actually were going out tonight.”

“why are you still going on this date with chris if you know matt’s date with madi was never happening? i thought you would be happy.”

“why would i be happy about something matt lied about, especially after he basically called me a whore?”

“he did what?!?” both nick and madi exclaimed.

“not going to get into details. but he called me a whore earlier. well, he said i was acting like one because i was sleeping with chris.”

“but you’re not. does he know that?”

“no and let’s not tell him. he doesn’t deserve to know.”

“you two are incredibly stubborn and i hate it.”

“what are you talking about?” y/n turned to nick and eyed him.

“you and matt. one minute, you’re in love & the next it’s like you’ve never met before. why can’t you guys see that you’re supposed to be together?”

“we’re not meant to be together, nicolas. if there was any indication of that, something serious would’ve happened in miami.”

“what the fuck even happened while you guys were gone?”

“do you really want to know?”

“duh. that's why i asked.”

“okay, smartass.” y/n carefully set the dress on nick’s bed and looked at him. “it was our last night in miami. we were alone in the hotel room and we were cuddling on my bed and things started to get…intimate.”

“so you slept with him?”

“no. after a really steamy make-out session, it was over. that’s as far as we got.”

“who broke the moment first?” madi questioned.

“technically, he pulled away first. but he was only checking on me to see if i was okay with what was happening. his fingers were really cold and it made me shiver. but after that, the moment was over.”

“so let me get this straight. he touched your skin and it caused you to shiver. he then pulled away to check on you and the moment was over?” nick raised an eyebrow. “sounds like it might have been your fault, sorry.”

“nick, are you crazy? matt's the one who pulled away first. it’s totally his fault.” madi shook her head on the other end of the phone.

“it’s both our faults, i will admit.” y/n sighed. “and it sucks because i really, really liked him too.”

“then fucking tell him, dumbass.”

“nick, be nice.” madi scolded him. “it’s hard to tell a guy how you feel.”

“i am well aware.” nick chuckled then looked back at y/n. she was focused on the dress. the dress she bought for a party, hoping to get matt’s attention with the color since it was his favorite. she didn’t notice if it caught his eye. he had spent most of the party talking to some random girl she didn’t know but whenever she wasn’t looking, matt would look over at her.

“what am i supposed to do?” at this point, y/n was sitting on the edge of the bed. “i obviously still love matt. but now there’s the thing with chris. so no matter which brother i choose, i know i am going to break someone’s heart.”

“right now, you’re breaking my heart, y/n. i don’t like seeing you upset.” nick sat beside her and sighed. “i wish there was a better to go about life.”

“me too.” y/n looked at him.

“i've lived with them both my whole life and i know enough to tell you that no matter who you end up choosing, the other one will for sure get over it. neither of them hold grudges.”

“you’re right. now the only issue is trying to talk to matt without an argument breaking out.” y/n looked back at the dress. “and i also have to talk to chris. damn it.”

“you can do this, y/n. i believe in you.” madi grinned, happy to know she was helping a little. “i'll come by tomorrow to see you if you want.”

“that would be nice. maybe we could have a girls day.”

“yes that would be nice. in the meantime, good luck with the boys.” madi waved goodbye as y/n grabbed the dress and headed down to chris’ room to shower.

after an hour of getting ready, y/n took a look in the mirror. nick stood behind her and smiled.

“you are so gorgeous.” he rubbed her shoulders in a calming manner. he then quickly checked his phone. “well, it’s time to head up to your dinner. good luck.”

y/n took one last look in the mirror before heading up the stairs. chris turned away from the stove and whistled.

“wow. you look so good right now. well, you always look good. but tonight, you’re just…glowing.” he smirked and walked over to her. “ready to eat?”

“you bet.” y/n smiled and sat down when chris pulled the chair out for her. he hurried over to his chair and handed her the plate he prepared for her.

“enjoy.”

the two of them began to eat in near silence. the only sound they could hear for the first few minutes was the background music chris had picked out. after y/n finished half her burger, she looked up at chris.

“i really appreciate you, chris. you know that right?”

“yeah of course.” he set his food down and gave her his full attention. “this last week or so has been insane, right?”

“yeah.” y/n kicked her feet slowly. “can we talk about that, actually?”

“sure thing.” chris rested his head on his hands and let her do most of the talking.

“what we’ve been doing has definitely been fun. the most fun i think i have ever had.” she blushed. “and although i thoroughly enjoyed it, i think we should stop.”

“you’re not gonna believe this but i've been thinking the same thing.” chris let out a breath. “obviously, i will always care about you and i will cherish the time we spent together. but you and i both know that you’re supposed to be with matt.”

“this is why you’re the best, chris. you’re so understanding and you’re the sweetest person i know.” y/n reached across the table and took ahold of his hand. chris absentmindedly ran his thumb over her knuckles. "thank you for the most amazing 2 weeks of my life.”

“i should be the one thanking you.” he placed a gentle kiss to her knuckles and they both went back to eating. after their meal was done, y/n stood up slowly.

“guess it’s time to talk to matt.” she sighed and looked towards his bedroom. chris walked up behind her.

“good luck, y/n.” he kissed her forehead and headed down to his own room. y/n approached matt’s bedroom door and knocked lightly. while she waited, she thought of what she was going to say.

when he pulled the door open, he wasn’t expecting to see y/n standing before him. his eyes widened as he took in the way she looked. and when he saw she was staring at him, he quickly placed his gaze elsewhere and replaced the confusion with anger.

“what are you doing here?”

“matt, stop. you and i are going to talk and there’s nothing you can do about it.” she pushed him backwards and closed his bedroom door behind her. matt tried to protest but instead, she sat him down on the edge of his bed before taking a seat on his computer chair. the air grew thicker the longer they both stayed silent.

“well, you wanted to talk. so talk.” matt couldn’t help but let his attitude out in the moment. this caused y/n to roll her eyes but she started talking.

“look, i'm sorry about what happened in miami. i shouldn’t have just given up when the moment got a little too intimate.” she looked down at her lap and sighed. “truthfully, i was so scared. i know how experienced you are and i didn’t want to let you down with my lack of experience. i've never had sex with anyone and i thought that if i wasn’t good at it, you would stop talking to me. and as soon as i got off you that night, i regretted it. i was so stupid and i thought i was ready. even now, i don’t think i am. i'm still so terrified that i'll make a fool of myself and it’ll get spread around like a sickness.” y/n’s leg began to shake and matt watched as a tear landed on her lap. he wanted so badly to reach over and wipe it away but he wanted to be respectful. so he waited for her to go on. with a shaky breath, she continued her speech. “i hate that i drove you away. i hate that i loved you enough to introduce you to my family and then i threw it all away.” she shot her arm out to emphasize her point and it was then that matt noticed the necklace he gave her. it laid perfectly around her neck, only moving when she took a deep breath. “i’m so sorry i put you through what i did. i never wanted to hurt you and i only wish i could’ve explained why it happened the way it did.”

“you don’t owe me any explanation.” matt spoke. it shocked her to hear his calm voice again. he saw her head jerk up at it but he continued to speak. “i never should’ve gotten so pissed off that you wouldn’t have sex with me. that’s not who i am. if anything, i should be the one apologizing to you. you didn’t deserve the way i treated you and you most definitely did not deserve hearing what i said to you this morning. that was the lowest blow i could’ve dealt out and i'm so very sorry for it. i don’t think you’re a whore. you’re the farthest thing from it. i was just insanely jealous because chris was the one doing what i one day hoped to do. and i know jealousy is not an excuse but it was wrong. y/n,” he got on his knees and held her hands. “i am so fucking in love with you and i need you to know that. i may have dated other girls in the past but i have never loved any of them. you are by far the most kindhearted person in the world and definitely the most breathtakingly gorgeous. you could wear a fucking garbage bag and i would still love you. hell, i would love you even if you were a fucking worm.” matt met y/n’s gaze and smiled. “you look really good in this dress and i swear i meant to tell you at that party the first time you wore it but i was scared that you would just laugh in my face and call me stupid or something.”

“i do think you’re stupid. always have.” y/n nodded and smiled even with the tears cascading down her cheeks. matt chuckled and reached up to wipe them away, causing y/n to sigh contently.

“god, you are so perfect. i want everything with you. not just the sex. i want the stupid future with you. the one where we have 2 or 3 kids and a nice house in the suburbs where our kids can play safely. i want the late night conversations with you. fuck, i even want the stupid fucking rom-com shit with you. it’s always been you. there is absolutely nobody else and there never has been. god, you are it for me. you’ve ruined everybody else for me.” he looked up at her. “i just…i want you in every possible way. good and bad.”

“fuck, matt. i want you too.” y/n caved and pulled him in for a kiss. one he was more than happy to return. her hands went to his hair while his moved from her knees to her face. he craved every part of her. he detached his lips from her to place rough kisses trailing from her jawline down her neck. with every tug on her skin came a gentle kiss to soothe the pain.

matt stood up but y/n was not willing to break the kiss. thankfully, matt picked up with ease and she wrapped her legs around him as he carried her over to the bed. the strap of her dress hung loosely on her shoulder as matt kissed every part of her he could. her hands remained in his hair as his lips explored every part of her body.

y/n felt matt getting frustrated with the strap of her dress so she slid it off her arm entirely. he was more than eager to show how thankful he was for the simple action. and as he kissed her now bare shoulder, she took the opportunity to slip the other strap off as well. her dress staying in place only because of the position she was in. if she had been standing or even sitting upright, the top of her dress would’ve already slipped down to reveal the black lace bra she wore.

“fuck, matt.” y/n bit her lip as he kissed just above the top of the dress. she could tell that her being fully clothed was causing matt to grow impatient. “want me to take this off?”

“fuck. yes please.” matt groaned and watched with hungry eyes as y/n maneuvered  herself in a way that was so sensual to matt. the dress came off and matt wasted no time exploring the new territory. there was a faint mark just above the top of her panties, next to her sun tattoo, that matt knew chris had left. he took it upon himself to bite the skin with a little bit of pressure. not too much to hurt her, but enough to make a new mark.

y/n moaned as he left a trail of sloppy kisses up the inside of her thighs, stopping every few seconds to make new marks over the ones chris left behind. the idea of his brother getting there first only made him slightly more aggressive. his kisses on her thighs halted as he made his way back to her lips. his hands held her hips as he kissed her. instead of fisting his hair, she dug her nails into his back, causing him to let out a quiet groan.

“fuck. keep doing that and i'm gonna be finished before my pants come off.” matt whispered in her ear. he placed a kiss just beneath her earlobe, exactly like he had that night in miami.

he retraced his steps and traveled back down her body, stopping when he was just above where she needed him the most. he looked up at her and she didn’t hesitate to silently answer with a nod. matt slid his finger in the waistband and pulled them down her legs. once they were off, matt placed a kiss on both of her thighs before diving right in.

as his tongue moved in all the right places, y/n’s left hand clung to his bedsheets while the right one grabbed a fistful of his hair. he groaned into her and picked up his pace.

“jesus christ, matt. not gonna last long if you keep that up.” she spoke with a strained voice as she tried not to be too loud. matt just smirked and pulled her as close as he possibly could. she threw her legs over his shoulders and he was suddenly able to hit a new angle.

y/n could feel her orgasm approaching as matt continued to devour her. when the knot began to take its shape in her stomach, matt slowed down, but only a notch or two. he was trying to make it last as long as he possibly could, wanting to savor every moment.

it wasn’t long before her orgasm reached its peak and she was releasing all over his tongue. matt was more than happy to clean up all her juices, making sure he didn’t miss a single drop.

“fuck that was hot.” y/n breathed out, releasing her right grip of the bedsheet.

“and we’re not even close to being done, baby. i'm just getting started.” matt smirked.

“what do you mean?” y/n was about to ask him again but ended up biting her lip as matt shoved two fingers inside. the moans came spilling out of her mouth faster than she could even process them. as he worked on pumping his fingers in and out of her, he kissed up her body and stayed on her lips. she could taste herself in the kiss.

matt inserted a third finger, causing y/n to bit his lip. he groaned and she almost came right then and there. but she held out. nearly 2 minutes passed before she felt the knot build back up.

“matt, fuck. i'm gonna-“

“i know. come on. you can do it, baby.” he placed a gentle kiss on her nose as she came all over his fingers. he licked them clean very quickly.

“this isn’t fair.”

“what do you mean, princess?” matt raised an eyebrow.

“i’m completely naked and you still have clothes on.” she managed to get out with strangled breaths.

“you’re not entirely naked, since your bra is still on, but i'm willing to level the playing field.” he kissed the top of each of her breasts before making quick work to rid himself of his own clothing. y/n eagerly took her bra off and bit her lip as her eyes travelled down his body. she had heard many stories about his size but none of them seemed accurate. he was definitely larger than the legends said and easily the biggest she had ever seen in her life.

“jesus, matt.” she continued to chew on her bottom lip as she took him in her hands. she began to pump him slowly, almost like she was teasing him. the precum leaked from the tip slowly and matt watched as y/n expertly moved her hand up and down. he was not able to last very long.

“y/n, i'm about to-“

“i know. come on, baby. let it go.” y/n looked up at him and bit her lip as he came in her hand.

“fuck, that was hot.”

“i’m not even finished.” she repeated his words from earlier and before he could even ask what she meant she was taking him in her mouth.

“oh god!” matt threw his head back and propped himself on his elbows so he could see exactly what she was doing. “wow. you’re doing such a good job at taking all of me. holy fuck.” he closed his eyes and without warning, he was unloading into her mouth. the sight of her swallowing it all was enough to make him come again but he knew better. he wanted to last as long as possible for her. he wanted the experience to be just as pleasurable for her as it was for him.

y/n placed a kiss on his tip and stood up. matt grabbed her waist and positioned her on his lap. before anything went further, he looked at her.

“are you sure about this?”

“yes absolutely. wouldn't have it any other way, matty.” she kissed him deeply and without breaking the kiss, he flipped them over so she was laying on his bed. he hovered over her and gave her another look, silently asking if it was okay, to which she nodded. matt lined himself up with her entrance and started moving slowly. he took note of the way y/n winced so he stopped for a second. “okay. you can move now.”

matt kissed her gently as he began to move at a faster pace than he ever had before. the way their bodies moved together so perfectly sent chills down their spines, but in a good way.

his thrusts were powerful and addictive and y/n dug her nails into his back, moving them up and down his back with every movement he made.

the sounds coming from their mouths were crazy.

matt began to slow his pace and his thrusts became sloppy, signaling that he was close. y/n was close as well, digging her nails in further and locking her legs behind his back.

“do you want me to pull out?” he asked timidly.

“no. need you to fill me up, matt.” y/n kissed his neck, making sure to prolong the orgasm. he released inside her at the same time she finished too. as matt pulled out of her slowly, he placed a kiss to her neck and grabbed a towel from his bedside table to clean up their mess. he also noticed that he left both of her boobs untouched the entire time.

“oh my. how could i forget to give you any attention?” he chuckled and placed a gentle kiss to each nipple. y/n looked down at him with most loved up look she had ever given anyone. “you doing alright, y/n?”

“i am doing absolutely perfect. thank you for asking.” y/n grabbed her clothes and placed them neatly in a pile on the floor before grabbing some of matt’s clothes and putting them on. she crawled into bed and matt joined her seconds later, throwing his arm around her and holding her close.

“fuck, that was the hottest thing i've ever seen in my life. easily the best sex of my life.” matt chuckled, his breath still a little shaky. “how about you? how are you feeling?” y/n looked up at him and grinned.

“well, lucky for you, i have nothing to compare the sex to so clearly it was the best of my life too. as for the other things, you’ll be happy to know you beat chris.”

“oh, really?” matt grinned smugly.

“yup. a landslide victory. one for the record books. gold medal performance.” y/n giggled as matt began attacking her with kisses.

“i'm so in love with you.” he stared at her face and couldn’t help himself as he placed a soft kiss on her neck. “so so in love with you.”

“i know. and i'm so so in love with you too, matty.” y/n whispered, causing matt to sit up straight with her still in his arms. he looked like he was suddenly deep in thought. “what’s going on in that pretty little mind, huh?”

“just thinking of how we can now have sex whenever we want now.”

“so, you have sex with me once and think you’re going to be the only one now?”

“oh i better be.” matt sounded offended but when he looked down at y/n’s face and saw her smiling, he started to laugh. “don’t say shit like that. are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“of course not.” y/n smirked. “i love you, dummy. why would i want to have sex with anyone else?”

“i'm glad i'm the only one.” he kissed her head. “i am the only one, right? like, you’re completely done your thing with chris?”

“yes. it's over between me and chris. now it’s just you and me.”

“thank god.” he smirked and leaned in to kiss her. y/n slowly climbed onto his lap and wrapped her around his neck, deepening the kiss. “you up for a round 2?”

“with you or chris?” y/n smirked playfully and kissed him passionately when he rolled his eyes. how could he think for even a second that she would want to sleep with anyone else? she was glad he could take a joke and she would forever be grateful for the way he loved her.

taglist: @worldlxvlys @carolinalikesthings

[teapartyprincess4two]

I need a friends to lovers hurt/comfort fic from you pleaseeee. My request is that reader is upset because something happened with her family and she got daddy issues or something (definitely not projecting😜🥰). matt doesn't know what's wrong tho but tries to cheer her up by getting her a cake or something and then as she's eating she starts unintentionally slowly crying and she tries to hide it but matt ofc notices it straight away. he tries to comfort her but before they could get further and she could start opening up nick & chris came in and she immediately stops and pretends to be fine. they joked around and stuff cuz nick & chris are oblivious to everything the whole time and matt is just impatiently waiting for the time when they get to be alone so he can talk to her and figure out whats wrong. maybe later in the night when everyone's asleep he finally approaches y/n and then they slow talk and he just comforts her and idk just more fluff at the end? change whatever you'd like I'd just be happy enough if you even decide to do my request. thank u and ily <3

Happy Birthday- M. Sturniolo

pairing: Waitress!reader x Bff!Coworker!Matt

classification: sad, fluff

warnings: use of y/n, cursing, mention of parental issues, mention of family problems, mention of death of parent, mention of alcohol addiction

inspiration: request^^ took a spin on this, hope u like it bby

summary: Over the course of working together for years, Matt picks up on everything and despite not understanding it completely, he comforts you through the hurt.

—

“Sorry I’m late,” your voice is choppy as you try catching your breath. Quick fingers work towards tying your apron around your waist before flying towards your hair and throwing it up in a haphazard pony tail. You’re an hour late for your shift, an extremely rare occurrence for you.

Matt, who’s currently working the grill, feels a wave of relief wash over him at the sight of you. As the night progresses, the diner is slowly picking up to a steady, busy pace and without a waitress, Nick, Chris and Matt would never survive.

“No worries, I’m just glad you could make it,” he replies. Matt’s eyes always have a habit of dancing over your entire face, today being no exception. He notices the dark circles that formed under your eyes, your sunken in cheeks, and how pale your skin is. Details like this never went unnoticed by Matt, especially not on a day as important as today, and, despite how disheveled you look, he can’t help but be enthralled by your beauty

An array of plates and trays are sprawled on the order window, each of them piled with greasy, hot food. You wear a disassociated, blank expression as you reply, too focused on catching up on the work at hand, “Is this food ready to be sent out?” You yank a ticket from one of the trays, briefly reading Nick’s messy handwriting to ensure everything was correct.

Matt hums in response, deeply intrigued as to what ails you, but not wanting to press any further. As soon as you hear that, you become a task bot and effortlessly send the orders out.

Your incredible work ethic is directly fueled by your need to distract yourself from the reality of your life. It’s your 21st birthday, a day that for most people involves a fancy brunch, meaningful gifts, a scrapbook full of photos, and a drunk night out. 21 was supposed to feel magical, every aspect about this day was meant to be special and perfect.

But you aren’t most people, and your life was anything but perfect.

Your mother has been in and out of your life since you were 8. She was an amazing mother, when she was sober at least, but your parents were always arguing, mostly because your dad worked a lot and it made your mom feel neglected and lonely. The arguments filled her with enough sadness to lead her to drinking and one day her alcoholism consumed her until she just never returned home. You were 13 the last time you saw her, and you spent your entire adolescence blaming your dad for being the reason she left.

So, from the age of 13, you stopped being a kid. While other children were watching morning cartoons before school, a fussy 2 year old rested on your hips as you tried braiding your 8 year old sisters hair. All the while your dad was working grueling hours in order to keep a roof over your heads. His hard work went unnoticed, instead being met with resentment from you.

It wasn’t until you turned 18, when your father suddenly passed of a heart attack, that you realized how much weight and responsibility rested on his shoulders. Upon his passing, your siblings were placed under your official guardianship. It was the inheritance you never asked for, but as the oldest sister you had no other choice.

So, instead of spending the day with friends, you’ve been forced to pick up your parent’s slack. You have two younger siblings at home who have no one else but you. All day you’ve been basically running after them, tending to their needs and trying to make their lives a little less unbearable. And although they’re your pride and joy, the absolute most important part of your life, you can’t help but wonder what life would be like if they weren’t your responsibility.

The trauma and grief has led your siblings to be more of a handful than other kids their age. Your 17 year old sister, Safiya, finds herself falling into the wrong crowds. Money is tight which has led her to develop a habit of shoplifting. It was simple and harmless at first, consisting of her pocketing items such as nail polish and candy bars. But eventually she and her friends were running out of stores with duffel bags full of clothes, the adrenaline that came from being chased by police officers being better than any drug.

On the other hand, your 10 year old brother, Giovani, struggled to make friends. Every week you were receiving at least one phone call that he’s gotten into yet another fight. There’s an inconsolable anger inside of him that causes him to lash out at anyone that isn’t you or Safiya, and when you’re not worried about his temper, you’re nagging him about his failing grades.

Needless to say, your life was not easy. Everyday you played the role of mother, and you often found yourself asking God what you did to deserve this; what you did to deserve a 21st birthday, a life, full of nothing but sorrow and struggle.

“Happy birthday, girl!” Nick whispers excitedly, pulling you in for a quick side hug as you reenter the kitchen. Matt watches as your lips form a tight lipped smile, your sad eyes giving you away immediately. You’re grateful for the sentiment, but still can’t muster up enough energy to actually feel excited.

“Thanks, Nick. I appreciate it,” you return his hug, immediately returning to work.

—

After a long, busy rush, your break couldn’t have come any sooner. The diner is quiet, the bustling atmosphere from before being replaced with nothing but the sound of groaning trees and the music that plays lowly from the jukebox.

“You going on break?” Matt asks, his arms submerged elbows deep in the sink. “Yeah I think so. I probably won’t get another chance to eat,” you comment. You look visibly happier than earlier, but there’s still a twinge of sadness in your voice.

“Alright, lemme just finish these dishes and I’ll make your food. Okay?” Matt’s voice is soft, almost like he knows that the reason for your sadness runs much deeper than an uneventful birthday. “No! It’s okay, I’ll just ask Chris to do it,” you say, ready to turn on your heels before he can protest.

His words catch you before you can, “I have a surprise for you! Just wait for me, please.” You lazily walk over to him and tiptoe, peering over the large, industrial sink to see how many dishes he has left. He basically has the whole kitchen sitting in the water, “You have so many left to wash though!”

A fake pout forms on Matt’s face, eliciting the first real laugh from you since you arrived. “You can help me?” he suggests, his eyelashes batting over his big doe eyes.

Your resolve crumbles quickly, you were never able to say no to Matt, “Fine, but only because Chris always burns the bacon.” You roll your sleeves up, cuffing them until they’re high enough to keep dry. The sound of clanging metal and swishing water settles between you two as you work towards washing the dishes before the next rush.

“How’s 21 treating you by the way?” Matt asks playfully, eyes momentarily glossing over you as he awaits an answer.

“Well I’m not drunk,” you chuckle, scrubbing at a tough spot on one of the pans. For some reason you feel safe with him, like you can tear your protective walls down and bare the most vulnerable parts of you. Over the course of working together, he’s become a true friend, an unjudgemental listening ear. Everyone else in your life has failed and disappointed you, but not Matt.

“You don’t have to be drunk to have fun,” he replies, hands wading through the sink for the next dish.

“True, but I’m not sure I’d categorize picking my little sister up from jail and getting my brother from school because he was expelled as ‘fun,’” your wet, soapy hands throw an air quote around the last word. You didn’t mean to trauma dump, especially not when the conversation started so light and airy, but you couldn’t help it. There were so many things on your mind, that up until this point, you had been actively ignoring.

“Bet you won’t forget this birthday, though,” Matt jokes, and you’re grateful it’s not a response laced with pity. You laugh, because it was true. One day none of this would matter, it would become an old folk-tale-like memory that you’d someday tell your children.

“Jail, though? Fuck, what did she even steal?” Matt shakes his head in disbelief, how a 17 year old girl managed to get into so much trouble was beyond him. A part of him did feel bad that you were the one struggling with these kids, but he never showed it because he knew how much you hated sympathetic, pitiful treatment.

“Some dumbass jeans that were 3 sizes too big,” you scoff, draining the sink. “I was so mad, I mean it was just juvie and they let her off with a warning because she’s a first time offender, but why the fuck was she stealing jeans? Can’t she steal useful stuff, like fucking milk or something?”

Matt laughs, running a white kitchen towel over his hands to dry them. “And Gio? Was he in on the heist too?”

“Oh please, I wish, maybe then he would’ve been let off with a warning too,” you take the towel from Matt, patting your hands dry as well. “This dumbass got expelled for fighting a kid who told him his shoes were fake. They’re not by the way, Safiya stole those too.”

“So now I have to enroll this kid somewhere else, if they’ll even take him. He has such a bad track record, Matt. I’ll probably have to move my sister to a different school too because she’s surrounded by so many bad influences… I don’t even know what to do,” your voice breaks slightly at the end, the sadness once again washing over you.

Matt brings you in for a quick hug, “let’s just worry about getting you fed for now, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you sniffle, wiping the singular tear that runs down your cheek.

As if on queue your phone starts ringing, your sister’s name illuminating the screen. “Hold on I gotta take this real quick,” you mutter, pulling away from the hug. He wishes he could keep you there forever and tell you everything would be okay, but instead he hums in response, watching you disappear out the back door with the phone pressed against your ear.

When the door clicks shut, he turns into the kitchen, throws some gloves on and begins making your food.

—

A stack of fluffy chocolate chip pancakes sits next to scrambled eggs and two strips of bacon. Matt knew your order by memory, one of the many details he’s learned about you over the course of your friendship.

Chris’s voice fills the kitchen, announcing his entry, “Does that look good? I don’t know, Nick said it doesn’t.”

While you and Matt washed the dishes, Nick and Chris decorated an isolated booth in the back of the diner. Balloons, streamers, and an iridescent tablecloth adorn the area. A small ‘Happy Birthday’ banner is strung from two parallel windowsills. It was something small and simple, but Matt knew you’d love it.

Matt peers over the order window, briefly examining their work before returning to the task at hand. “It looks good, it doesn’t have to be perfect. She’ll love it.”

Nick walks into the kitchen, fingers tying a knot in one of the balloons, “Are you sure? I’d be so fucking mad if that’s what I saw as my 21st birthday set up.”

“I’m sure. She’ll love it.”

Matt pokes two candles into the stack of pancakes, the number 21 sitting perfectly on the fluffy pastries. He used whipped cream, strawberries, and chocolate chips to create a simple design around the outer edges before drizzling some maple syrup on top. The bacon was broken up to create a smile on the eggs, a corny gesture he thought of last minute.

The back door suddenly opens, causing the triplets to freeze in place. They hadn’t figured out exactly how they were going to execute this, they’d only gotten as far as the decorations and the make-shift cake.

“Nick you go distract her, Chris go change the music in the lobby!” Matt instructs quickly, his voice hushed so you won’t hear him. They scramble into position, Matt managing to hide somewhere in the diner lobby where you won’t see him.

“Nick, what are you doing?” you laugh, feeling Nick’s cold hands cover your eyes. “Shush, no questions,” he replies, causing you to hold back more laughter. Nick leads you into the lobby slowly, your hands holding onto his as they still work to obstruct your vision. Matt watches as you two walk in, his hands shaking with excitement as he lights the candles.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!” the triplets begin to sing in unison, both Chris and Matt approaching the decorated booth. Nick removes his hands, a shocked expression immediately forming on your face.

As they continue singing the song, you admire the decorations in awe. Suddenly you’re a little girl, the random decorations being everything you needed as a child. The tears begin welling in your eyes, this was completely unexpected.

“Make a wish,” Matt whispers, bringing you in for a side hug as he holds the plate in front of you. You’ve never had a birthday cake before, let alone candles to blow a wish on. And although it’s simple, the makeshift cake is enough to bring the waterworks.

You squeeze your eyes shut, fat tears streaming down your face as you blow the candles out. There’s only one thing you can think to ask for, but you don’t dare verbalize it in fear that it won’t come true. The flame flickers, disappearing into a cloud of smoke as your wish floats away.

“Hey don’t cry! You’re 21!” Chris exclaims, shaking your shoulders in an attempt to lighten the mood, but you can’t help it. You’ve weren’t expecting any of this and it’s quite honestly the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you.

“Sorry,” you chuckle, wiping the tears away quickly. “Thank you guys for this. It’s beautiful,” you continue, bringing the trio in for a group hug. Nick and Chris are the first to pull away, leaving you clinging to Matt.

“You can thank Matt. This was all his idea,” Chris replies. Your arms are wrapped around Matt’s waist, a hug being the only way you can think to thank him. You look up at him, glossy eyes threatening to spill again.

“Happy birthday,” Matt murmurs, a smile forming on his face as he places the plate on the table and snakes his arms around you.

The moment is intimate enough to serve as Nick and Chris’s queue to leave. They sneak away into the kitchen quietly, giving you and Matt privacy.

“Thank you so much for this, Matt. You don’t know what this means to me,” you whisper, eyes locked with his.

“It’s nothing,” he shrugs.

“No, Matt. I really love this. Thank you.” A comfortable silence settles between you, the jukebox playing a calm melodic tune. You haven’t broken from the hug, swaying back and forth as you continue to admire the setup before you.

“Are you gonna try my cake?” Matt asks, using his chin to point towards the table. The whipped cream was beginning to melt into the spongy dough, strawberries and chocolate chips drooping down the edges.

“Mmm yeah, but I wanna stay like this just a little longer.” He doesn’t complain, instead pulling you in closer and resting his head on yours as you continue swaying to the music.

—

“That was really nice, Matt. Thank you,” it feels like the hundredth time that you’ve thanked Matt tonight. A half finished plate of food sits in front of you, the pancakes being enough to fill you up.

“You don’t have to keep thanking me, you know,” he laughs. Matt sits next to you on the same booth chair, using the balloons that cluttered the other side as an excuse to sit closer to you.

“I do, though. No one has ever done anything this thoughtful for me before... Not like there’s anyone left to do it,” the last part is hushed, he almost doesn’t catch it.

“C’mon, you’ve never had at least one birthday party?” He asks, his fingers play with one of the balloon strings. Despite knowing your tragic backstory, Matt finds the information hard to believe.

“Nope. This is the first cake I’ve ever had,” you admit, feeling sad at the confession.

“Well I hope you at least made a good wish,” Matt senses your shift in emotion, so he’s trying to remain positive.

“Yeah…” your voice trails off, fingernails scraping and picking at the plastic table cloth.

“Are you gonna tell me what you wished for, or are you superstitious?” Matt props an elbow on the table, resting his head on the palm of his hand as he looks at you. The moonlight from outside shines through the window, working alongside the dim diner lighting to illuminate your beautiful face. Your hair is down, the loose strands that keep falling in front of your eyes tucked behind your ears.

The question has you serious and embarrassed, “I’m not superstitious, it’s just a really corny wish.” He gives you a knowing look, one that encourages you to continue.

“You won’t make fun of me?” you ask, looking up at him tentatively.

You take a deep breath, rubbing your thighs in an attempt to ease your nerves before admitting something completely vulnerable, “I wished my dad was still here.”

“I know it’s never going to happen, I’m not naive, but I’ve never had a candle to wish on before so I just… I just wanted to make it count. I know it’s dumb—” your words are quiet and Matt cuts you off.

A gentle hand pulls your attention to him, his thumb caressing your cheek, “I don’t think it’s dumb.”

You don’t know what you did to deserve a friend as kind and loving as Matt. Another tear rolls down your cheek, swiftly being wiped away by Matt’s thumb. Even in your emotional state, you looked beautiful.

Subconsciously, Matt’s moving in closer to you. His eyes are flickering between your soft gaze and the plump lips that call out to him. Maybe it’s the atmosphere, the vulnerability of the moment, or maybe it’s the undeniable crush you’ve had on Matt for years, but your eyes flutter shut and copy him in leaning in.

His lips find yours quickly, you taste like maple syrup and whipped cream. You’re the perfect sweet treat to end such an eventful night. Your hands rest on his shoulders, slowly traveling to the nape of his neck as your lips mould together. Neither of you can seem to get enough of each other. His tongue slips into your mouth, eliciting a small moan from you.

The moment you pull away, you’re breathless. Foreheads are pressed together, eyes locking to keep the intensity of the moment.

“Happy birthday, beautiful,” he murmurs, going in for the next kiss of many.

—

MASTERLIST

a/n: you guys have no idea how long this sat in my drafts. I kept telling myself it was too sad, but it’s HURT TO COMFORT IT HAS TO HE SAD!

anyways my sweet anon! I hope you like this, especially bc I changed it a bit.

thank u and I luv YOU 💌

-L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

—

taglist: @nicksmainbitch @sturniololovers @mayhem-72 @worldlxvlys @gnxosblog @meg-sturniolo @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattnchrisworld @sanyi5 @lustfulslxt @whicked-hazlatwhore @tworosesblackthorn @mxqdii @fawned01 @junnniiieee07 @sturniolololover @missriddle03 @k-l-a-w-s @hearts4chris @maryx2xx

note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 💐

[daniclaytcn]

BUCK & EDDIE IN EVERY EPISODE ↳ 6.13: mixed feelings (1/3)

[Image Description: 10 gifs of Evan Buckley, Eddie Diaz and Christopher Diaz from 9-1-1 season 6, episode 13. The scene is taking place at daytime at the dining table in Buck's loft. Gif 1: Two gifs on a large canvas. First, a shot of Buck coming to sit down with a bowl of popcorn in his hand, squinting as he answers Chris' question about what's the square root of 162, "Well, it's not a perfect square. So that would be 12.727, I think." The shot shifts to Eddie, who looks over at Chris sitting next to him as he checks it on the calculator. Second, Chris says excitedly, "That's right. This is awesome, Dad. Buck knows everything." Eddie pouts slightly, scrunching up his face as he replies, "Yeah, yeah." Gif 2: Two gifs on a large canvas. First, a wide shot of the three of them together as Buck sits down, saying, "Not everything. I—I think it's just the math stuff. Second, Buck, takes a sip of his beer as he says, "Today, on the way to work, I was able to calculate exactly how many gallons of gas I needed to get myself to the firehouse." As he speaks, the shot cuts to Eddie and Chris. Gif 3: 4 smaller gifs on a large canvas. First, while focused on his phone, Eddie asks Buck absently, "Why not just fill it up?" Off screen, Buck replies, "Because figuring it out was more fun." Second, Buck reaches out to garb some popcorn, smiling as he says, "Turns out, I love math." Third, Eddie reads from his phone, "Well, according to this, people can get new cognitive abilites—" Fourth, it cuts to Buck and then back to Eddie as he continues to read, "—After a serious injury to the central nervous system." Gif 4: Two gifs on a large canvas. First, Buck nods seriously, saying, "Ooh, which I—I definitely had. The shot shifts to Eddie, raising his eyebrows at his phone as he says, "Mm. But some doctors are saying it's not a real thing." Second, Buck looks indignant as he says, "Uh, you—you think I've secretly known the square root of 162 all these years and just been holding out?" The shot cuts to Eddie, looking up at him as he speaks. Gif 5: Two gifs on a large canvas. First, earnestly, Buck says, "No, come on. It—It has to be lightning. The shot shifts to Eddie who points at him and says, "Fair point." Second, as Eddie speaks, off screen, saying, "This guy literally got the power of electricity after being struck. Said the lights would turn on and off every time he walked into a room." Buck flexes his hands and squints down at them as if trying to exert a superpower. Gif 6: A shot of Buck looking at Eddie, grinning, as he says, "I wish I got something like that. You know, ESP, or...maybe the ability to see into the future or read people's minds." The shot cuts to Eddie, skeptical as Buck speaks, and then back to Buck again. Gif 7: 4 smaller gifs on a large canvas. First, Buck raises his eyebrows as Eddie says, "Those sound like terrible powers to have." It cuts to Chris, who says, "Maybe this is just the first phase." Second, Chris has just said, "Maybe you'll get more powers the stronger you get." Buck points at Chris enthusiastically, saying, "Yes, like an actual superhero." Third, Eddie tilts his head, saying, "You did get struck by lightning." Fourth, Chris adds, "Classic origin story," And Eddie nods, waving his hand in a told-you-so motion. Gif 8: After Eddie asks Buck what he's gonna do with his new-found superpowers, Buck says, "Ooh," looking intrigued. The shot cuts to Eddie and Chris, Eddie looking amused as Chris says with a mischievous grin, "He could give me the answers to my math homework." Gif 9: Eddie lightly chastises Chris, grabbing a page from his hand, saying, "Uh-uh. Uh-uh-uh-uh. You're never gonna learn if he gives you the answers. In the background of the shot, Buck smiles and laughs fondly at them, ducking his head. Gif 10: Smiling brightly and joyfully at Eddie and Chris, Buck tilts his head, reaching across the table as he says, "I'm the guy with the answers. I kind of like it." /End ID]

[ebdaydreamer]

home is found in the kitchen

911 - 3k words - AO3

This fic was written for the @911actions event. Check out their blog to see how you can still help!

This is for @theweewooshow, who submitted the prompt "it's just a random night where they're cooking dinner together when eddie realizes that he kind of wants to do this forever, do these mundane everyday tasks with buck by his side"

SLAP!

“Hey!” Eddie grumbled, taking his hand back.

Buck didn’t look up at him. “Don’t touch my lasagna.”

“This is my kitchen!”

“And you know the rules: don’t touch my lasagna. You work on the salad.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. He turned to Chris for back up. “Can you believe this guy?”

Chris didn’t even stop doing his homework. “Yes.”

Buck gave him a smug grin.

“He can barely make that lasagna on a good day. He doesn’t need your cooking skills ‘helping’,” Chris sassed.

“Hey!” Both of them chorused, throwing him matching affronted looks.

He was, unfortunately, correct. Buck was challenging himself with this lasagna, trying to add his own twist to Bobby’s recipe. So far, it had not gone too well. There had been several botched attempts that resulted in Eddie ordering pizza. And while Eddie was getting much better at cooking, his skills began and ended with strictly following a recipe. He did not experiment, and any go at it had ended poorly.

“You, focus on your homework,” Buck told him with a pout.

“Only if you focus on not burning our dinner.”

Eddie laughed. His parents - well, his mother - had scolded him many times for not disciplining Chris for his sass. It was an argument Eddie didn’t bother with, simply zoning her out as she ranted, then saying he’d talk to him about it. Which he did. He made sure Chris knew when his humour was appropriate and when it was not. In his home, with his family, in Eddie’s eyes, was perfectly acceptable. He’d be a hypocrite to not allow it. He spent his childhood biting his tongue, knowing he'd be punished if he slipped. He didn’t want Chris to feel the same way, like he couldn’t make a harmless comment around his dad.

His mother still hated it.

They continued cooking: Buck focused on the lasagna and Eddie diligently prepped the salad. They were shoulder to shoulder, working together, no words needed. Just like they did on the job. Just like they did most days, either in Eddie’s house or Buck’s loft.

Buck’s bare arm brushed against his own, and Eddie felt himself subtly leaning into him. Steady. Dependable. Always.

He wished Buck didn’t have to leave at the end of the night. He wished Buck never had to leave. Not just the house, but his side. Cooking, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, watching TV on the sofa side by side. All of it is just so much better with Buck. Everything is better with Buck.

Oh.

Oh. It was Buck. It had always been Buck.

All along he’d been chasing some perfect relationship. The picture perfect life he was supposed to slot himself into. Shannon’s ghost. None of it mattered, because Buck was what he needed. Buck was what he wanted.

Eddie… he couldn’t quite figure out what this meant. He thought it over. Was this platonic? Did he just crave Buck’s partnership and friendship? Because the two of them, this little family they’d created, it was so good. Who needed romance or sex when they had each other? Eddie could live without all that. All he needed was Buck by his side. But… what if? What if they could have more? Was it? Was he?

He thought about it for a minute. Thought about what being in a romantic relationship with Buck would be like. Dating him. Holding his hand. Kissing him. Oh, yeah, he definitely wanted to kiss him. How the hell was he just realising how badly he wanted to kiss his best friend?

Well, he only just realised that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, but, somehow, that felt like a much more obvious realisation. Buck was the person he was closest to in the world besides his son. Buck had been his person for years. But wanting to date him? Being in love with him? That was surprising.

Holy shit, he was in love with Buck.

In the back of his mind, Eddie registered the minor sexuality crisis brewing. He kept it in its little corner. He could figure out what this meant for himself in general later - he was in love with Buck. 

“Eddie? Eddie?” The subject of his spiral snapped him out of it.

He turned to look at Buck. Wow, he was pretty. How had he never thought about how pretty he was before? Even the concern furrowing his brow was pretty.

“Are you OK?” he asked softly. “You kinda zoned out there.”

God, Eddie loved him.

He gave him a small smile. “Yeah, I’m OK.”

His smile must be believable, because Buck returned it with one of those beaming smiles that lit up his entire face. “Good.” He bumped his shoulder against him and Eddie felt warmth flood his body.

“Now, those tomatoes won’t chop themselves.”

Eddie laughed. “Yes, chef,” he teased.

Buck flicked him with a tea towel.

Eddie would tell him. Not now. Probably not even tonight. He wanted to sit with this feeling for a while. He wanted to bask in the warmth that was being in love with Evan Buckley.

Because it was a pretty fucking good feeling.

It took him a few weeks to finally work up the courage to tell Buck, and even then, it wasn’t planned.

He let his fears take over for a little bit. What if Buck didn’t feel the same? What if he ruined their friendship? What if Buck didn’t want to be around him as much? What if? What if? What if?

It was just the two of them hanging out at Buck’s. His son couldn’t squeeze them into his busy social schedule. Pasta was on the menu tonight, which Eddie was actually allowed to help with.

And that feeling hit again, as they were working side by side: that deep, primal longing for forever with this man. It was so strong it should scare him. But it was Buck. Nothing with Buck could ever be that scary. Even if Buck rejected him, everything would be ok.

They chatted as they worked, gossiping about their co-workers and joking and teasing each other. They reached a lull - the sauce was mixed, the meat was cooked, just waiting on the pasta - Buck offered him a beer.

“As a reward for not burning my kitchen down.”

Eddie elbowed him. “Hey, you’ve burned food way more recently than I have.”

“Because I cook more than you do. I’m basically the Diaz personal chef these days, I should start charging you for my services,” he said with a cheeky grin. It reached his eyes, making his birthmark crinkle in the most adorable way.

“I would help more if you let me.” He rolled his eyes, knowing it didn’t actually bother Buck. “Not my fault you get crazy protective in the kitchen.”

“No, that’s just with you,” he teased. “Now, Chris, he can help whenever he wants.”

Eddie gathered up some of the condensation from his beer bottle with his fingers and flicked it in Buck’s face.

They laughed, as they checked on the food.

“We do really appreciate it, Buck,” Eddie told him. “You don’t have to do it. You can hang out with us anyway.”

Buck waved him off “Nah, it’s not that. I know you can cook just fine. I like cooking for other people. I like cooking for you guys.”

Eddie couldn’t help but stare at him, bathed in the soft evening light. He looked ethereal. Eddie couldn’t believe his luck, that this man had chosen him and Chris as his family. That he went out of his way to spend time with them. That he cooked for them, not out of any obligation or his desire to be needed, but because he could. Because he wanted to.

“Hey Buck?”

Buck took a bite of pasta to test. “Hmm?”

“I’m in love with you.”

Buck choked on the pasta, then quickly spat it out, coughing as he did.

“You… you’re,” he spluttered between coughs. “You what?”

Eddie expected to feel vulnerable after his confession. He expected to feel laid bare in front of Buck. But it didn’t, it felt natural, normal. Then Eddie realised: he had made himself vulnerable and bare for Buck a long time ago. Of course this was no different.

“Sorry, probably should’ve waited until you weren’t eating.” But Eddie wasn’t truly sorry. He felt a bit bad for Buck’s coughing fit, but mostly he just felt free.

“Do you…” Buck straightened, looking him dead in the eyes. “Are you joking?”

And that vulnerable feeling he expected? It was painted on Buck’s face instead.

Eddie shook his head, and gently took one of Buck’s hands in his. “No, I’m serious.” He stroked Buck’s palm with his thumb. “I’m in love with you. I only realised a few weeks ago. I was working up the courage to tell you.”

“And you finally found it while I was a choking hazard?” The corner of Buck’s lips quivered upwards in the hint of a smile, but his eyes were still wide and glassy. “What, you want me to have another tracheotomy or something?”

Eddie raised one of his hands in surrender. “Hey, you’ve said it to me many times: I kinda suck at this.”

“Yeah, yeah you do…” Buck trailed off, but he tightened his grip on Eddie’s hand.

Eddie squeezed back.

“This… this is real? This is actually happening?” Buck asked, voice dropping to basically a whisper.

Eddie could hear the anticipation in his voice, and it made him fill with hope. “Yeah, it's real. I’m really in love with you. And, by the way: absolutely no pressure. You do with this information what you want. If you need some time… I’ll totally understand.”

The grip tightened again. “Yeah. Some time…”

Eddie felt his heart sink a little. But it wasn’t a rejection.

“Can you give me like… two minutes?”

Eddie’s brows flew up. “Two minutes?”

“Two minutes.”

“Ok. When I said some time, I was thinking you’d want like a day or a week-”

“Nope. Two minutes.”

“Alright then.”

“Ok.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

And they stood in silence, holding hands, for 120 seconds exactly - because of course Eddie counted - before Buck turned to him and said. “Ok, I know what I want to do with this information.”

Eddie felt his heartbeat in his mouth. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Buck grinned, that full power sunbeam grin that made Eddie weak in the knees. “I want you to kiss me.”

Eddie matched Buck’s smile. “Oh, really?”

Buck shrugged. “Well, when the guy you’re in love with tells you he's in love with you, some kissing should be expected, no?”

A laugh got caught in Eddie’s throat. “Y- You’re in love with me?”

“Congratulations, you’re officially the last person to know.”

And for a moment, they were just two idiots in love, grinning at each other dopily.

Then something occurred to him “Wait, if you already knew you were in love with me-”

“Not just me, literally everyone knew.”

“If you and apparently many others already knew, then what were those two minutes for?”

“Oh, you know, just silently freaking out that this is actually happening.”

Eddie nudged him with his shoulder. “And you managed to do that in two minutes?”

Buck scoffed. “Oh, god, no. I’m probably never getting over this. That’s just how long it took for my brain to form a coherent thought again.”

“And that thought was how much you want to kiss me?”

“Yeah, and I’m still waiting, by the way.”

Eddie pulled himself closer to Buck, crowding him against the counter, where he rested his free hand. He pressed his chest against Buck’s. The solid muscle mass against him made his blood flow south. He slowly leant in, until they were sharing the air from each other’s mouths. He kept going, waiting until Buck’s eyes were fluttering shut, before diverting.

“Turn the stove off,” he ordered into Buck’s ear.

Buck blinked at him for a moment, before he caught up and obeyed.

Eddie brought his hand up to cup Buck’s cheek, oh so gently. Because Buck was precious, and he deserved to be treated as such. His hand travelled upwards, his fingers caressing Buck’s curls and his thumb stroking Buck’s birthmark like he’d been dying to do for years.

(And, yeah, maybe he should’ve figured this out sooner, but he was a master at repression, alright?)

He leant in again and finally, finally, pressed his lips to Buck’s. And it blew any kiss he’d ever had out of the water.

He thought he’d had good kisses before. Especially with Shannon. But this kiss? This kiss was something else. And while he was sure a part of it was due to Buck being a phenomenal kisser, this was something more. He was pretty sure that this is what kissing the love of your life felt like.

Eddie didn’t know how long it had been, but they pulled apart. His hand was still in Buck’s hair, their foreheads leaning against each other, just basking in the moment.

“I love you,” Buck whispered, his lips brushing his as he spoke.

“I love you too.”

Then Buck wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him in for a much deeper and more frantic kiss. Eddie couldn’t tell you how long they spent just kissing. They kissed gently. They kissed passionately. They kissed while they laughed. They kissed while they cried. They kissed until their stomachs grumbled, and they remembered their abandoned pasta.

Hey, at least they could reheat it.

SLAP!

“Right,” Buck began, pouting. “You don’t swat my hand in the kitchen. I swat yours.”

“You will regain swatting privileges when you stop stealing your son’s food.”

“Eddie, we’re cooking enough for a group of teenagers. There will be food to spare.”

Eddie raised a brow at him. “Have you seen the way Chris has been eating these days? It’s a wonder he hasn’t eaten us out of house and home.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “I know, which is why I adjusted the recipe accordingly. Y’know. My recipe. The one you’re using. Hence why I should be testing it,” Buck argued, reaching for the spoon again.

Eddie swatted his hand again. “I can do this all day,” he said in a sing-song.

“Ok, Captain America.” Buck grinned at him, and went back to the food he was prepping.

It was more than a familiar scene at this point. Him and Buck cooking side by side. It was everyday. It was home.

And Eddie was struck with that same feeling he had a little over a year ago in this very kitchen. That wanting of forever with this man. He’d felt it regularly since they got together, but there was something different about it this time. Maybe it was because they were cooking for their son and his friends. Maybe it was their recent anniversary. Maybe it was the dumb meme Buck had sent him earlier that day. But the feeling was strong, and he was suddenly overcome with a want- no, a need to write their forever in stone.

“Marry me?”

Buck dropped the knife he was holding.

“Fuck, Eddie! What did I say about romantic declarations when I’m near a hazard?”

Eddie swallowed a laugh. He did have a habit of randomly dropping declarations of love out of nowhere without surveying the surroundings. And said declarations tended to knock his boyfriend a bit, which led to a lot of near misses, and one trip to the ER. “I don’t know what to tell you. I want to spend forever with you.”

Buck stared at him as he cleaned the knife. Which, probably should be looking at the sharp blade in his hand. But no one had lost a limb yet. “Yeah, we’ve talked about this before. I know all this. And you’re choosing now to propose? Do you even have a ring?”

Eddie shrugged. “Nope.”

Buck looked almost offended. “Well I do. I was going to propose. I’ve been planning it for ages. Asshole.”

This time Eddie did laugh. Just a little. “Well, I did it first. I win.”

“Proposing isn’t a competition, Eddie!” God, his pout was so adorable.

“Well it is now. I’m proposing. Will you marry me?”

Buck glared at him a second before raising his hands in defeat. “Ok, you win. You’re proposing. So do you not want your ring then?”

And look, Eddie was a simple guy, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been fantasising about one day getting a fancy ring from Buck. His boyfriend knew he had a guilty pleasure for nice jewellery and watches. “Hang on. I didn’t say that.”

“Then you gotta let me propose.” Buck countered.

Eddie gestured to their bedroom. “Well, go get it, then!”

“I had plans, Eddie!”

The two of them stared at each other for a moment, before bursting into fits of giggles.

“A- are we r- really arguing a- about proposing, right now?” Buck asked through his laughter.

Eddie temporarily gained control of himself. “I mean. It’s not like it’s that high stakes or anything. We already know we love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together. This is just the next step.”

Buck burst into another round of laughter. “See! This is what I’m talking about! You just pull this shit out of nowhere and nearly kill me!”

“I know!” Eddie joined in his laughter. “I don’t do it on purpose, I swear!”

“I know!”

The two laugh until they fall on the floor and then they laugh some more.

Eventually, they ran out of breath. They leant against each other, Buck’s face tucked against Eddie’s shoulder.

Suddenly, Buck jumped up, nearly knocking Eddie over. 

“Where are you-” Eddie tried to ask, but Buck was already gone.

Before Eddie could blink, Buck was back, dropping to his knees in front of Eddie. He pulled out a box and opened it, revealing a beautiful silver ring.

Eddie opened his mouth, but he couldn’t make the words. For all of his casual attitude earlier, he was overcome now. A lump was stuck in his throat and tears began to trickle down his face.

“Eddie…” Buck began, his own tears forming. “I had a plan. There were grand romantic gestures, a speech. But then you…” He trailed off, wiping the tears from his eyes. “You came along out of nowhere and changed everything. And I don’t mean just now.  You changed my life for the better. And I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

Eddie pulled him into a salty kiss. “Yes,” he mumbled against his lip. “Yes.”

Buck slipped on the ring, and Eddie only took a second to admire it before kissing him again.

After kissing and cuddling on the floor for a few minutes, Buck broke the silence. “Hen and Chim are gonna laugh so hard when they hear the story.”

Eddie hummed in agreement. “I doubt it’ll just be them.”

“We argued about proposing, laughed so hard we ended up on the floor, then I actually proposed on the kitchen floor.”

“Yeah, they’re gonna have material for that one for weeks.” He sighed deeply, holding Buck tighter in his arms. “Still, it’s very us though, isn’t it?”

Buck pulled back, and gave him a toothy smile. “Yeah, yeah it is.”

[outrunningthedark]

https://www.tumblr.com/outrunningthedark/758366417549770752/why-do-you-think-some-people-are-so-stuck-on?source=share

Also, a lot of the "buddie or death" people don't actually care about buddie, they just want gay Eddie and think the only way to get it is through buddie

Speaking as someone with neutral feelings for both characters (I originally came here because of the Buckley-Diaz fam, it was never about favoring one over the other for me)…

…Being an Eddie stan must kinda suck.

As @osh-my-prince just said in the tags of my previous post (A+ as always), and as many of us have pointed out over time, those fans have spent YEARS complaining about Buck being inserted into Eddie’s story.

Saying Buck was a second dad to Chris was once seen as disrespectful towards Eddie (and an attempt to erase the Latino character all together).

“Buck was in the room!” quickly became a negative sentiment because (in their opinion) Eddie’s breakdown should have been about Eddie and Eddie alone.

Season six was The Season of Buck. And Eddie stans made their feelings on that known.

But ever since 7x04? When the individual arcs started unfolding (after the opening disaster was done) and Buck was confirmed to be something other than straight?

Now those very Eddie stans can’t keep Buck’s name out of their mouths. 😛

Because they know Canon Buddie is probably the only way Eddie would ever get a sexuality arc of his own. 😛

(I wouldn’t be so quick to laugh if Ryan hadn’t said what he did THROUGHOUT season seven promo. If your fave actor isn’t fully on board yet, you know it’s not happening anytime soon. Why stay so focused on a pairing you don’t actually want - you just wanted the queer arc to go to your guy - when the odds of it happening are not looking good right now anyway???)

[absolutelybifurious]

seven (lie) sentence sunday

tagged by @sibylsleaves (i love you)

yall this isn't just seven sentences. its like 700.

“So, made any new friends since you started the new program?” “Yeah!” Chris says, “Buck.” Buck turns, and his smile is so bright it breaks Eddie in two. His blue eyes are positively glittering with delight at being Chris’s friend, and Eddie’s heart aches – nearly buckles into itself. How can this guy be real? How can someone love Chris like he should be loved, after knowing him for just a couple days? When it took Eddie, his own father, years to find his way to that kind of love. Eddie tries to yank himself back into his own body as the smoke alarm goes off because Buck loses focuses again, and finally, he laughs. “Okay, I don’t think he counts – technically, I brought you Buck.” Chris considers this. “Wait, hang on… Buck, who do you love more, me or Dad?” Love. He says it so simply, so easily, because he’s seven, because he can’t know that Eddie’s been hanging on for dear life trying not to think too hard about what Buck is to him, about what his own heart does when he looks at him for too long. Buck’s face is a labyrinth of things Eddie doesn't want to parse. Instead, he pushes out another laugh, despite the nerves. “I think we’re losing the point, here. It doesn’t matter who he likes more, it matters that I found him first and I asked about friends you’ve made.” “But I wanna know,” Chris whines. “It’s okay if you love Dad more, I forgive you.” Love, again. Eddie has to swallow the urge to beg his son for mercy. Buck’s face is flushed as he echoes Eddie's laugh, and Eddie decides it must be from the heat of burning everything he’s tried to heat up. But then, Buck’s eyes flick to Eddie, and they hang, and Eddie tries desperately to wrench his away, but it’s like a fly trap, and they stare at each other long enough that it’s weird. It's like a seismic event that nearly sends Eddie plummeting to the core of the Earth, Buck turns his gaze on Chris and says, with all the confidence in the world, “I love you both, but… differently.” He’s saying it because love to a seven-year-old is simple and soft and something you do. He’s saying it because he’s good with Christopher, good with kids, obviously. He knows exactly what Chris needs to hear. Eddie gets that, understands it acutely, so he’s not sure why he can feel his pulse across every inch of his skin.

tagging @inell @118inflation @sunflower-eddiediaz @coldbam @aeraspais @cafecitoeddie and literally anyone else who wants to use my name to do it

(wow thats really not seven sentences)

[shwarmii]

i am so happy for the increase of people like Clarisse La Rue in the new show (and im ignoring the people who don't like her) (also, i have not watched the show yet, in support of Palestine's boycott against Disney+ and am currently too sick to figure out the safest way to 🏴‍☠️) because she is such a good character and i would cry for a well-written book/fanfic series from her pov

like. she truly is the epitome of "my dad is the worst man alive and i am his favorite daughter" and i super respect the decision that this adaptation has towards going towards the whole "in my version, Clarisse will never win her father's approval because she isn't his son" sentiment. not to mention, the decision to couple that by having her be cast as a person of color in addition to her pre-existing character having been someone who has been frantically trying find the opportunity to prove herself, being indirectly one-upped by white boy Percy coming into camp day 1 having fought a minotaur. the intersectionality of her misdirected fury is impeccable. fantastic, no notes

but im also just psyched for her and Chris Rodriguez and i really wish they had more focus in the books. because they are as fantastically amazing as all the other S-tier ships in the series. i think they could even rival Percabeth (notice: i didn't say "could beat", i said "could RIVAL", no Percabeth fans send me hate), honestly, if Clarisse/Chris had been given a chance to somehow be of focus. because you're telling me angry, overlooked Daddy Issues(TM) Clarisse gets to find love with Chris "calm and patient while caring greatly for Clarisse" Rodriguez? the son of Hermes who said "fuck Camp Halfblood, fuck these gods" and went to Kronos and Luke's side? who went into the labryrinth and was driven to insanity? by King Minos himself? who Clarisse was so gentle and sympathetic for, even when others thought he might be a lost cause? even when others debated even helping him because he was "the enemy"? who, after Dionysus (and lets be honest, also Clarisse, because she was his caretaker until he could be brought to Dionysus) cured Chris of his insanity, this guy saw what a catch Clarisse was to have in your life, seeing her as someone sweet and loving (because she can be! she is!!), that who she is as a person single-handedly conVINCED HIM TO LEAVE KRONOS' SIDE AND COME BACK TO CAMP??? SO HE COULD BE HAVE A CHANCE TO BE WITH HER??

their love is so iconic. and that's just the one big moment we get from their story; im so sure there is more that we dont get to see all due to them not being focused on in the story. im so glad theyre still together and so in love. its what Clarisse deserves. i hope the show shines a light on how powerful their love is too. Chris fixes none of Clarisse's tragic father-induced issues, but it helps to remember that at least she has Chris, and im so glad she does. Clarisse is a warrior that deserved a great love-story

[canonicallyobserving911]

9-1-1 Episode 8x4 Review

It's been a few days since I watched the episode but I took some time to gather my thoughts about it because I wanted to provide a fair and balanced assessment. I rewatched it more than once but truthfully, it's been a long time since I've done that with any 9-1-1 episodes because I haven't been impressed for a while, especially after seasons 5, 6 and 7. The last episode that I rewatched more than once was 6x13 "Mixed Feelings" and that was because Buddie and the Buckley-Diaz Family were heavily focused.

However, since that time, episodes have been lackluster at best, the pacing, timing and continuity were off and they didn't feel like the old 9-1-1 of seasons 2, 3 and the first half of 4. Whole seasons could have been yeeted to the sun and I wouldn't miss them one bit but most of episode 8x4 was surprisingly good and I appreciate them for trying to find their footing and returning to their roots. There were a sufficient amount of emergency calls and the personal storylines were nicely intertwined. Since I didn't see KR's name in the opening credits like it was in episodes 8x1 - 8x3, it appears she's gone and she took her horrible pacing, bad timing, retconned characters, the redeeming of underserving $hitty parents (Margaret and Phillip Buckley, Helena Diaz and Sang Han) and her ability to let important character development happen off-screen with her (looking at several missing scenes from seasons 5 and 6). Hooray!

Before I get into this, I have to mention my favorite parts of the entire episode were... everything that included EDDIE DIAZ!

Eddie's my favorite character and after 7 seasons, he's FINALLY being given the individual screentime he deserves. His storyline covered everything that makes Eddie spectacular including his time in the Army, his combat medic skills, the fact that he's smart, talented and sexy as hell. Furthermore and most importantly, he's a great dad! He loves Chris and he'll sacrifice anything for him including his own happiness. Also, he encouraged people the way he always has. I'm so happy and excited that his storyline IS NOT attached to his deceased wife or her doppelgänger! After the way season 7 ended, hopefully, it's been dealt with and his character won't be regressed to relive it yet again.

RG is an excellent actor and he's finally getting the attention he deserves!

Now back to the regularly scheduled program!

Even though I enjoyed most of the episode, it wasn't all sunbeams and moon pies. Therefore, I'll start with the things I didn't like first and continue with the things I did.

Dislikes

The Gerrard redemption was ridiculous 🙄 and IMO, it shouldn't have ended that way. His character was completely changed from the racist and bigoted captain that Chimney and Hen endured during their begins episodes and was made into a hard nose captain who got an undeserved redemption arc. Do people change? Yes, they do and can but it's difficult to connect how they got there when it isn't shown or addressed in CANON. Viewers shouldn't have to do mental gymnastics to figure out what happened to them and it appears whatever happened to Vincent Gerrard is a direct result of lazy writing. They could have easily brought in a different captain if they weren't going to address his past and especially if they weren't going to let Hen and Chimney remind him of it so he could explain that he was different but I digress. (I have an idea that involves why the character received an attitude transplant and his demeanor was changed but I'll include it in a different post.)

Overall, the way the Mara storyline was handled wasn't the best and I don't like how Madney's storyline was connected to Henren's. I get it, they became foster parents at the end of season 7 to help but something about the way Maddie and Chimney never had an on-screen conversation with Hen and Karen before they did it doesn't make any sense. This has partly to do with the fact that in 6x5, Maddie and Chimney hired Magda as Jee's nanny but after Maddie let her go, Chimney said they were back to the friends and family plan for babysitting. Well, the Lees were already helping them with that so whenever Maddie and Chimney were at work at the same time (like they were throughout the first 4 episodes), who was assisting them with Mara's care. I know this is a TV show but there should be some logic and reality based in it. Finally, I didn't like how there was supposed to be tension between Madney and Henren but it appears that storyline was ixnayed or it was changed and I'm glad.

Madney not having a storyline of their own since their wedding in 7x6 is not cool and I really don't appreciate it (also, it focused entirely too much on Doug instead of the bride and the groom). Let's be real, at this point, if all they're going to do is write them in a way that just allows them to support the other main characters then... WTF are the writers doing because they should have their own storylines just like everyone else. It seems like they don't know how to write them now that they're married and that's just ridiculous because there are lots of storylines they could have.

Metro Dispatch is heavily focusing on Maddie and I've posted about it before but things there are completely unbalanced when they didn't used to be. Now they have Maddie as the center of attention with Josh standing behind her or across from her but where is everyone else in dispatch? I'm not talking about the background characters; I'm talking about Linda Bates and Sue Blevins. IIRC, neither of them have been included in any episodes thus far in season 8. Dispatch was a lot more balanced with them included so it would be nice if Maddie's allowed to interact with someone other than Josh.

Bathena's at home arc was interesting and it's unclear what exactly the writers are trying to show with it. For starters, they've had communication issues since they began dating back in season 2 but after 7 seasons, they should be past this stage by now. Their whole cruise ship arc demonstrated how they needed to learn how to talk again but for some reason, Athena didn't consider Bobby's feelings about the old house and Michael before she contacted him. Even when they were viewing the new home, it appeared they weren't properly communicating. It just doesn't make any sense and even though it's a TV show and it's all about the drama, there should be some realism. Additionally, the way they're being portrayed makes it seem like the only time they talk is when they're about to lose each other forever, i.e. Bobby getting shot in season 4, Athena needing Bobby's help after Jeffrey kidnapped Harry in season 5, Athena catching Junior in Florida in season 6, the cruise ship in season 7 and the airplane landing in season 8.

Henren needs a break from their children being traumatized. They just got Mara back and now Denny's going to be hit by a car on Halloween and I have no words. Can the show please give them some good storylines for once? Even though Karen's not a main (she should be after 8 seasons), she's a rocket scientist and they should find a way to incorporate her job into the show the same way they did Michael's. He's an architect but that didn't stop them from having Bobby call him in 2x15 to get the blueprints for the bank.

Likes

Ortiz is finally gone and that's all I'll say about the character and hopefully, she'll never return.

T.K. 2.0 wasn't in the episode. 🥳🍾🥂 Hopefully, Buck will dump him in 8x5 and it'll be his last.

The emergencies were good. I really liked the one with the tiger even though it was horrible CGI. TM posted the tiger is real but clearly, everyone watching could tell the tiger wasn't in the actual apartment with Patty, Buck and Hen.

Brad Torrence's comment about everyone else on "Hotshots" thinking it's an ensemble cast was funny.

The overall message about them being a found family again HAS BEEN LACKING FOR A LONG TIME but 8x4 appears to have brought it back.

The ending montage was great (except the Gerrard part) but I'll do a separate post about it to share more thoughts.

Chimney doing the rope rescue and being competent with that dart gun was fantastic and he looked sexy as hell doing it. I love it when they give Chimney a good storyline that demonstrates his skills and hopefully, it'll remain this way. He's an excellent paramedic and his experience should be highlighted more.

Eddie was so great in this episode (see above) and seeing him go out of his way to help another father because of his own experiences with both his dad and his son was excellent to see. As mentioned earlier, Eddie gives good advice to other people, he always has but now it seems like he's applying it to himself and he might be finally getting ready to move on from his past.

The Buddie moments were THERE like they have been since TM (showrunner) returned and it was great to see Buck and Eddie being setup for the start of Buddie CANON. I've done a lot of character analyses and posts about Buddie so IMO, the way they were portrayed in this episode is leading to one thing and one thing only, CANON BUDDIE!

The pacing and timing elements were great and if they keep it up, future episodes will continue to feel like the original 9-1-1.

All and all, it was a good episode and it was one of the best that they've done in a long time. There's still more work to do but hopefully, it'll include some professional development for the mains. I've been posting about this since season 6 but for some reason, TM is focused solely on their personal lives but that's not realistic because people apply for job promotions all the time. The day will come when Bobby has to retire for good so he should be training his replacement and Athena should be doing the same. Hen and Chimney should be moving forward on the paramedic side since they've been with the department for more than 13 years. Maddie should be a senior dispatcher by now but she isn't and it doesn't make any sense. Eddie should be a certified paramedic and Buck should be training for his next role too.

Hopefully, 8x5 will include more good emergency calls because currently, I don't want to see Denny get hurt. #TheWilsonsDeserveBetter

[buddiedreams]

strange look on his face | a buddie fic

read here on ao3

Summary: Eddie deals with the aftermath of Christopher's departure and a realization he wasn't expecting.

Warnings/Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Feelings Realization, Pining Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, POV Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Christopher Diaz Has Two Dads, Eddie Diaz Loves Evan "Buck" Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley is Christopher Diaz's Parent, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz First Kiss, First Kiss, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Gay Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Christopher Diaz is a Sweetheart, Evan "Buck" Buckley Acting as Christopher Diaz's Parental Figure

Christopher has been gone for three and a half weeks when Eddie finally realizes. He’s been through six sessions of therapy with Frank, but it’s not Frank that makes it finally click in his head. It’s the most insanely mundane thing Eddie’s ever seen Buck do, and it hits him like a fucking freight train.

Buck is just sitting on the end of the couch, folding a load of his and Eddie’s laundry, grinning down at his phone. He’s texting Chris, Eddie knows—he’d asked with a strange pit in his stomach when he first noticed, thinking he was talking to Tommy and dreading the answer. Until Buck had looked at him, fondness so clear in his eyes that if Eddie wasn’t already sitting down, his knees would have buckled, and admits that he’s talking to Christopher. Eddie doesn’t even have to ask for Buck to explain that Chris was talking about going horse riding with his cousins, and how he was complaining that his grandparents didn’t want him to go. Buck gently admits that he’d told Christopher to be nice but to explain to them that he knows his own limitations and he needs them to trust that he’s being honest with them, and Chris had texted back to thank Buck for the advice and send a picture of the horse he was going to be riding.

It’s so stupid. Buck has been basically co-parenting Chrisopher with him for years, and this is what does it? Sure, Buck generally defers to Eddie’s judgment regarding Christopher, and Eddie’s always the one to dole out punishments in the rare circumstance that Chris needs one, but for all intents and purposes, Buck is Christopher’s other dad. Maybe it’s the combination of things he’s been talking with Frank about, or maybe it’s just watching Buck help to shape the confidence of his son, but it finally clicks into place in his brain and he draws in a sharp breath. It feels like a monumental shift and no shift at all, how much he loves Buck. How much he’s in love with Buck. Eddie’s sure Buck could see his frantic heartbeat in his neck if he looked over, but he’s focused on his conversation with their son, and all Eddie wants to do is cry. He’s not even sure why. He’s just so fucking overwhelmed that he rattles off a quiet explanation of going to the bathroom and all but flees from the room.

They have a shift in two hours, so he gives himself five minutes to freak the hell out before splashing some cold water on his face and taking a few deep breaths to collect himself. He can keep it together. He can. He’s apparently been in love with his best friend this entire time, just because he realizes it now doesn’t mean anything has to change. He’ll just… unpack this with Frank in therapy and then push it back into the box before he has to hang out with Buck again. Easy.

He lasts about ten minutes, which he thinks is actually fairly good. Buck has his head thrown back, laughing at something in the show he’s watching, and Eddie can’t help but stare. He’s seen Buck before, but it’s like he’s suddenly seeing him in a new light. Like he’s finally giving himself permission to look, which he absolutely should not be doing, but he can’t tear his eyes away. He’d always known objectively that Buck was beautiful, hell, he got hit on all the time on calls and when they went out, it’s not exactly a surprise to Eddie, but the sudden tightness in his jeans is a much bigger surprise than he’s ready for. He can’t pull his eyes away from Buck’s lips, the lines of his throat, and can’t help but wonder what that would feel like around his cock.

Holy shit, he needs the coldest shower on the planet right now. Instead, he shuffles just a little to relieve some of the pressure on his aching dick and focuses his attention on whatever show Buck is currently invested in, letting himself get distracted enough that he’s mostly okay once they head out for work.

He makes it through a couple hours of their shift without incident, until Tommy shows up to have dinner with them. Buck looks surprised and a little annoyed—what the fuck is that about—so Eddie assumes he hadn’t been invited, but it still makes him nauseous. He takes his normal seat on Buck’s left and sees Tommy giving him a weird look before taking the seat on Buck’s right.

Much to Eddie’s delight, Buck spends most of dinner chatting with the table at large, or tilting his phone so Eddie can see the pictures Chris is sending of himself and his cousins around a backyard campfire, sticky with marshmallow and grinning at the camera. It makes Eddie’s chest ache, in a good and bad way. He’s happy that Chris is having fun—he’d been able to admit that much to Frank too, which Frank had seemed impressed by—but Eddie can’t help but feel like he’s back in the army, missing his kid growing up. He knows it’s only for the summer, and that Christopher rightfully needed some space, but it doesn’t make it sting any less. Honestly, he thinks it stings more because he’d assumed that if Chris ran to anyone, it would be Buck. That Buck would have been the one looking after Christopher for the summer, that Eddie would still at least be in the same city as his kid. Not that it would have worked out anyway, since Buck offered the loft to Bobby and Athena after the fire, but it doesn’t make Eddie any less annoyed by the situation. His relationship with his parents has been getting better, marginally, but it’s like all of his worst fears coming true. They have Christopher now, and Eddie just has to trust that he’s going to come home at the end of the summer. It’s nerve wracking.

Buck walks Tommy out after dinner, and Eddie catches Tommy leaning in to kiss Buck, and in the back of his brain, he just wants. He wants Buck’s lips on his, wants to grab every part of skin he can reach, wants to lose himself in his best friend. And then his brain—his raised very Catholic brain—screeches to a halt as he realizes the implications.

He’s never been particularly religious, but he was raised in a Catholic household, so he’s still got some of the lingering ideas fighting for space in his brain, clearly. The particular one that’s bugging him right now is the one that reminds him that it’s a sin to be gay, to lust after another man. And while Eddie’s mostly able to reject it, since he sort of thinks it’s all bullshit anyway, there’s a piece of him that closes in on itself, and it makes his skin crawl. Normally, he’d talk to Buck about it, but that’s out of the question since he’d have to admit to the revelation he’s recently had, so Eddie turns to where Bobby is washing the dishes from dinner. It takes him all of three seconds to decide, and then he’s crossing the length of the loft to grab a towel and start drying.

Bobby glances at him but doesn’t say anything, which Eddie is incredibly grateful for. It takes him a couple of minutes of drying and putting the dishes away to collect himself and figure out exactly what the fuck he wants to ask, and how to ask it.

“Hey, Cap, you’re Catholic, right?”

Bobby turns to raise an eyebrow at him. “Yes. Is that what you came over to ask me?”

Eddie snorts. “Uh, not exactly. I—well, it’s sort of… complicated? I think I realized something about myself and, you know, I don’t know if I believe in that or not, but I grew up Catholic, so it’s still kind of, uh, infecting me I guess?” Eddie pauses, eyes widening in panic as he realizes what he’s just said. “Not that being Catholic is a bad thing! I just meant, you know, I don’t know if I agree with everything they teach, not that they’re bad people or something—” He stops when Bobby, chuckling to himself, puts a wet hand on his forearm and squeezes gently.

“Eddie, you don’t need to apologize to me. Faith isn’t for everyone, I know that. It’s helped me through some tough times, and it’s something that I think I’ll always hold space for because of that, but I don’t care what other people think of it. Besides, I don’t agree with everything the church teaches, either.” Bobby meets his eyes meaningfully, raising an eyebrow. “Particularly that they’re so unwelcoming to the queer community.”

Eddie swallows. “Right. So, um, I guess I was just sort of wondering about… confession? I haven’t been since I was a teenager, but I thought that it might… I don’t know, make me feel better about everything, I guess? But I don’t have a church I go to, so I figured maybe I should ask you. ”

Bobby raises an eyebrow at him. “Confession? Do you think you’ve done something that requires confession?”

Eddie bites his lip, resisting the sudden and overwhelming urge to look around and find Buck’s gaze. “I… I don’t know. Maybe? I just—I didn’t think it would matter to me but it sort of just hit me? My parents are God-fearing Texans, y’know, so…I guess it became part of my foundation when I was growing up?”

Bobby nods his understanding, taking the towel from Eddie to dry his own hands. “Sure, I can send you the address. But just so we’re on the same page? Not everything the Catholic church teaches is right, and you shouldn’t believe a lot of it. Especially when it makes you feel bad about parts of who you are. Okay?”

Eddie wants to throw up and also hug Bobby, and he isn’t quite sure which is going to win out, so he dries his own hands off and nods, shooting Bobby a small smile before whispering his thanks and heading off to finish up his chores.

They have almost nonstop calls until the end of their shift, so Eddie doesn’t even really get enough time to decide if he wants to try going to Bobby’s church or not. By the time he finally walks out of the station, a full two hours after his shift was supposed to end, he’s still not sure it’ll help, but it can’t hurt, surely, so he plugs the address into his GPS and heads directly there. He’s far too pent up from… well, everything, he wouldn’t be able to sleep even if he wanted to. Besides, there might not be anyone there to begin with. It’s after 10pm when he gets there, so he’s not expecting a whole hell of a lot when he steps through the surprisingly still unlocked front doors.

The church beyond the doors is silent and empty, at least from what Eddie can see. It’s just like the church he remembers at home—huge and overwhelming and uninviting—and it makes his chest go tight. He thinks about just turning around and going home, but he knows he’s going to lay in bed for hours trying to sleep, thinking about how he should have just checked to see if anyone was here. He sucks in a breath, sending a quick text to Buck to let him know he’ll be home late, and wanders inside.

It’s bigger than he was expecting, although that’s how almost everything in LA is, so he shouldn’t be surprised at this point. He still doesn’t see anyone, not that he’d really know where to look, but he’s already come this far. He settles into one of the pews near the altar, hands clasping together between his knees automatically. He thinks about praying, but he’s really not sure what that would even do for him, or what he would say, and the thought of doing it makes his skin crawl just a little bit. He ends up just sitting quietly, trying to sort through the thoughts whizzing through his head and organize them into some semblance of a plan, some direction to go from here.

“Can I help you?”

Eddie startles at the voice, turning to find a priest watching him. “Oh, uh. Maybe. I don’t—this isn’t really my thing.”

The priest smiles gently, nodding to the spot next to Eddie. Eddie nods back, scooting over just a bit to make more room for him to sit. “So what brings you here so late, if it’s not really your thing?”

Eddie clears this throat, squeezing his hands tightly. “I, um. I think I might be in love with my best friend.” He doesn’t want to look, but the priest doesn’t say anything after a while, so Eddie glances over at him. He’s just waiting with an eyebrow raised. “He, uh… he’s a man,” Eddie adds, preparing for the worst.

Except, it doesn’t come. The expression on the priest’s face doesn’t change, which is… confusing. Although, Bobby had sent him here after his rather pointed comment about the queer community, so maybe…

“I know most churches within Catholicism will tell you that’s a problem, but we don’t believe that here. For what it’s worth, as someone who has studied the Bible, I think they’re wrong anyway. The most common quote people use is wildly misused.”

Eddie blinks. “The don’t lay with another man one?”

The priest nods. “It comes from Leviticus, which explains the rules God laid down for Moses’ people. It’s been passed down for centuries, like a game of telephone, and most people disregard a lot of the things in that book anyway. It instructs us to kill adulterers, tell us where to buy slaves from, not to eat anything from the water if it doesn’t have fins and scales. A lot of it is commonly disregarded, and yet it’s used to isolate a community that just wants to practice their faith like the rest of us.”

Eddie swallows, his throat suddenly too tight. “So… it’s not… I’m not… I don’t even think I believe in Hell, actually. I don’t even really know what I’m doing here.”

The priest smiles. “Did you grow up Catholic?”

Eddie nods. “Sunday school and everything, yeah. Stopped going once I got my girlfriend pregnant, mostly because my parents were embarrassed and didn’t want me around for people to gossip about, but I honestly didn’t really care that we stopped going. I used to just zone out for mass anyway, I just never really cared about it. Never… connected with it, or whatever.” He feels like an idiot saying all of that to a priest, but he’s already here. Might as well do something to try to sort through his feelings, and there’s no way Frank was going to take his call at ten at night.

“That’s understandable. A lot of people who grow up in a faith-based family struggle, especially in their adult life. Faith is an intensely personal thing, and no two people worship the same. Some people don’t even worship at all, and that’s okay too. Not everyone needs to. Your faith is between you and whatever higher power you believe in, if any.”

“But that’s… is that how it works? I remember learning all the rules when I was younger, about how to act and what was… you know, okay?”

The priest hums. “Sure. Different churches have different beliefs. Honestly, beliefs even differ between priests. But I’m not going to tell you that being attracted to your male best friend is wrong, or that it’s going to damn you. Jesus taught that the most important thing was to love thy neighbor no matter what, that’s what I try to live by.”

Eddie sits back in the pew, taking a deep breath. This… isn’t what he expected. Honestly, he’d sort of expected to be told that he was an abomination and that he should leave before he burst into flames. This is the exact opposite of what he was expecting, and it’s kind of freeing. He’s not even really sure if he believes in a god, and even if he did, he doesn’t think a god would care who he decides to sleep with, but to have that reinforced by someone from the religion he was raised in? That taught him that being gay was a sin, and that there was nothing worse than being a sinner? It’s a relief.

“Tell me about him, if you think it will help.”

Eddie smiles. “He’s… he’s the best person I know. He’s been through so much and he’s still unflinchingly kind, I don’t know how he does it. He’s incredible with my son. Honestly, I think my son might like him more than he likes me. And he just fits, you know? I didn’t even realize I was in love with him until yesterday, but he’s basically been my partner for years. He helps me with my son, we spend basically all of our time together, and the house always feels so empty when he leaves. God, I just want him to stay,” Eddie finishes in a whisper, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I want him to be where he belongs, with us.”

“Have you told him that?”

Eddie shakes his head. “He’s dating someone else. I don’t… I can’t get in the way of that. I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if I ruined a relationship he was happy in.”

The priest chuckles. “If he’s happy, you telling him won’t make any difference. Either he’ll realize that he’d rather be with you, or he’ll stay in a relationship he’s happy in.” He leans toward Eddie, a conspiratorial smile on his lips. “But just between you and me, platonic best friends don’t typically co-parent children together.”

Eddie blinks. “I… hadn’t thought about that. I just assumed he was doing it to be a nice guy, but… I don’t know, I think I might be biased? I mean, I want him there when I get home, I want him to do school pickup with me and go to parent-teacher conferences. I want to take us on family vacations and have Chris wake us up way too early on Christmas. I don’t think I can see past it now that I know, you know?”

“You might be biased, but maybe he is too. It takes two, and from what it sounds like, he’s spending just as much time with you and voluntarily helping you with your son.”

Eddie nods, running a hand through his hair. “And God’s not gonna, I don’t know, strike me down with lightning if I kiss him?”

The priest snorts. “No. I imagine God has better things to be doing.”

They sit in silence for another few minutes, until Eddie feels like he’s calmed down enough to face Buck. He murmurs a thank you toward the priest, who nods and tells him to get home safe, disappearing through a door behind the altar. Eddie clears his throat, fishing his keys out of his pocket and heading back to his truck.

Buck’s Jeep isn’t in the driveway when he gets home, which is… weird. Buck’s become much more of a homebody while Chris has been gone, although Eddie suspects that’s because he’s mostly been moping around the house and Buck has been looking after him. Still, he had expected Buck to be here when he got home, and the lack of a message or call letting Eddie know he was going elsewhere is worrisome. He opens their message thread, debating whether he should send a message, before deciding against it and switching to Find My Friends.

Eddie swallows, biting his bottom lip. He knows exactly where Buck is, because he’s been there too—Tommy’s apartment. The sight makes Eddie physically ill, so he closes out of the app and takes a deep breath that does nothing to stop the roiling in his gut. Alright, so maybe not confessing his feelings, then. He still feels like he’s bursting to talk about them, though, so he does the only logical thing he can think of—logs into the account he uses to schedule his therapy appointments and takes an open spot for tomorrow morning. They're off anyway, and he needs to get this off his chest sooner rather than later, before he does something stupid like word vomiting his feelings all over Buck.

He must’ve fallen asleep on the couch at some point after checking on Christopher through his mother, because the next thing he knows, he’s hearing keys in the front door over the sound of whatever is playing quietly on the TV. He rubs the sleep from his eyes, shutting the TV off and trying to decide if he should scurry off to his bedroom before he has to face Buck, but he doesn’t get a chance to make a decision either way before Buck’s walking inside. He’s struggling, and Eddie’s off the couch before he can even consciously think about it, taking a cardboard box from Buck’s hands with a confused look.

“My stuff from Tommy’s,” Buck says, like that explains literally anything.

“Why are you bringing your stuff back from Tommy’s?”

Buck raises an eyebrow at him. “Uh, I broke up with him? Kind of thought that would’ve been obvious since I’m lugging all my shit home. Honestly, I don’t even know how this much of my stuff ended up at Tommy’s place to begin with. I don’t think I’ve been there more than a handful of times.”

Eddie’s sure the rest of whatever Buck’s saying is important, but the only thing his brain can process at the moment is that Buck broke up with Tommy.

“You okay, Eds?”

Eddie blinks at him, plastering on a smile he hopes doesn’t look as fake as it feels, and nods. “Yeah, yeah, all good. I’m sorry about you and Tommy.”

Buck waves a hand toward the corner of the living room, so Eddie drops the box there. “It’s fine. It wasn’t gonna last anyway. He was really fucking annoying with the whole Gerard thing, and I think he mostly just tunes me out all the time anyway. I hadn’t even talked to him in, like, a week. I don’t know why he just showed up for dinner.”

Eddie blinks. “What do you mean ‘the whole Gerard thing’?”

Buck frowns at him, sitting heavily on the couch. “What do you mean, what do I mean? You were there. He was being really homophobic toward Hen, and snidely racist toward her and Chim.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “No, yeah, I know that. I meant what do you mean Tommy was annoying about it?”

“Oh. He basically told me that he dealt with Gerard for years and that I should just keep my mouth shut and do my job. I tried to get him to understand that it’s my family he’s attacking, but… I dunno. He didn’t seem to get it, and whenever I’d try to vent about it to him, he’d just pull the whole ‘should’ve just kept your mouth shut’ thing.”

Eddie frowns. “That’s… why did you let him treat you like that?”

Buck snorts. “Did you miss the part where I said I broke up with him?”

“No, I heard it, but Gerard’s been gone for two weeks. Why didn’t you break up with him before?”

“Oh, uh…” Buck rubs a hand over the back of his neck, and Eddie can see his cheeks reddening. “I actually, uh, hadn’t really seen him before now?”

Eddie blinks. Blinks again. Licks over his bottom lip and crosses his arms over his chest as he thinks back. Because he knows Buck is right. Hell, they’ve been living together for the better part of a month now, and Eddie knows that Buck has been here basically the whole time, blowing off his boyfriend to comfort Eddie. He feels less bad about it knowing that Buck was kind of avoiding Tommy anyway, but he still feels bad. He hadn’t intended to monopolize so much of Buck’s time. “Shit, because you were here. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Eddie, you didn’t do anything, okay? I was kind of done with Tommy by that point anyway, and I’d rather be with—” Buck cuts himself off, sending a panicked glance in Eddie’s direction. “Be here. Cause I know you’re having a tough time with Chris gone and honestly I miss him too, so it’s kinda nice being here. We can mope together.”

Eddie snorts. “God, aren’t we a pair of sorry bastards.”

Buck hums. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Eddie’s pretty sure his heart has beat its way out of his body entirely. This is far too intimate for how raw he’s feeling right now, so he gives himself a minute of buffer so Buck doesn’t think he’s fleeing, and then flees to his bedroom with a mumbled goodnight. He changes into his pajamas and slips out to the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed, praying silently that Buck stays on the couch and Eddie doesn’t have another reason to swallow down his suddenly so clear feelings.

He’s exhausted when he finally gets into bed, but then his brain decides to be a traitorous asshole and give him the idea that his bed would be far more comfortable with Buck next to him in it. Eddie has the overwhelming urge to punch something, so he aggressively fluffs his own pillow, rolling over and pulling the blanket over his head.

He needs to talk to Frank, he knows that much. And Buck, probably. Although, strangely enough, Eddie doesn’t really doubt that his feelings will be returned. He has a sneaking suspicion that Buck might have just been waiting for him to catch up, which just makes him sad. What if he hadn’t ever caught up? What if he’d just married some nice girl and struggled through it, instead of the clusterfuck that led him to where he is now? He thinks he knows the answer (that Buck would have resigned himself to just being Eddie’s best friend and taken whatever scraps he could get) but it honestly just makes him feel worse about everything.

He needs to talk to Christopher.

The thought hits him like a brick to the face, because of course he needs to talk to Christopher. He hasn’t even spoken to his son since he left, only getting updates on his time in El Paso from his own mother and Buck, since Chris and Buck are still texting almost constantly. Still, if he’s… depending on what happens with Frank tomorrow, he’s going to have to suck it up and call Chris and hope to a god he probably doesn’t believe in that his son answers.

X

“I’m in love with Buck,” Eddie blurts out, less than thirty seconds into his therapy appointment. Frank has the audacity to not even look surprised, which makes Eddie scowl. He really had been the last one to catch up.

“What made you realize?”

Eddie scrubs a hand over his face, sighing. “It’s stupid.”

He hears Frank sigh and winces, already knowing the therapy speech that’s about to be leveled at him. “Eddie, there’s nothing stupid about your feelings. Where they come from may not always be logical, but the feelings themselves are worthy and you’re allowed to have them.”

He takes a sip of water, mostly for something to do, and nods. “Yeah, I know. It’s just, of all the things that could’ve clued me in, it was… basically nothing. He was just folding laundry on the couch and talking to Chris. And, yeah, he was giving Chris advice on how to handle my parents doubting his abilities, but that’s—he does that all the time, you know? Gives Chris advice, helps him work through problems. I honestly don’t know what made it click.” He lets out a long breath, clearing his throat. “I think it was just the domesticity of it all. Like we were just spending a day hanging out before work and our son was out with friends. And I just… I wanted that, you know? I want him there all the time. I want to make dinner with him and Chris and spend our days off taking him to the zoo and the science center, waking up to Buck in my arms every morning. I want to be able to not second-guess myself every time I go to touch him.”

Eddie’s breathing hard when he stops his rant, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. He doesn’t usually talk that much in therapy, and Frank seems a little surprised by his sudden outburst.

“So what’s stopping you from discussing your feelings with him?”

Eddie blows out a breath. “I… I think it’s Chris. I mean, not that I think he would be upset if I dated Buck, but I think… I think that after what happened, with Marisol a-and Kim, I don’t want to just jump into another relationship. I know I really hurt him and I want to get better for him, you know? I don’t want him to come home and I’m already dating someone else, I just… I want him to see that I’m trying to get better, and I don’t think he’ll see that if he comes back and I’m already dating someone else.”

Frank closes his notebook. “I’m impressed with your progress, Eddie. You’ve been doing well.”

Eddie blinks at him. “I… have? I don’t feel like much has changed.”

Frank smiles. “It may not feel like it, but I don’t think you registered what you just said to me.”

“What did I say?” Eddie asks, frowning as he spins his last admission around in his head.

“You told me what you want. You want Christopher to see that you’re working through your issues and improving, and that you want Buck. A month ago, you wouldn’t have said those outright. You would have danced around the admission until I pulled it out of you. I barely said anything before you were admitting your wants. That's an improvement, Eddie. It may not seem like it, but admitting that you want things is a step closer to letting yourself have the things you want.”

Eddie squirms in his seat, clearing his throat. He wants to refute it, but he knows Frank is right. He’s always struggled with wanting things for himself, especially after Christopher was born. His parents had always instilled selflessness in him, and made sure he understood that as a parent, Christopher was his priority, nothing else, even if they often disagreed about what that meant.

“I want to take Buck on dates,” Eddie whispers, eyes pointedly fixed on his hands. “I want to be able to take Buck to dinner and leave Chris with Abuela, or with his friends, and just… be with Buck. Is that awful?”

Frank sets his notebook aside, sitting forward. “No, Eddie. That’s not awful. You’re a parent, so of course Christopher is a priority, but he shouldn’t be your only priority. It’s important that you’re happy, too. We’ve discussed your affair at length, but it boils down to this: your unhappiness directly hurt your son. You were unhappy in a relationship because of your trauma regarding Shannon, which led you to make decisions that ultimately hurt Christopher. You simply returning to your sessions with me was an incredible step toward progress, and you’ve made great progress working with me. Chris will be impressed, even if it takes him some time to sort through his feelings. And, more importantly, you’ll be showing him that it’s important to make sure you are content with your life while taking care of others, that sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first. You’re a first responder, you know better than anyone. Your oxygen mask needs to be on before you help anyone else.”

Eddie nods, picking at a loose thread in his jeans.

“I do think you should call and talk to him. From what you’ve said, his anger stems from being lied to by you. I think, if you want to pursue things with Buck, you need to be upfront with Christopher about it.”

Eddie blinks, looking up at Frank. “You think he’s angry because I lied to him?”

Frank raises an eyebrow. “You think differently?”

Eddie shrugs. “I think I just assumed it was because she looked like his mom. That it brought up, y’know, unpleasant… feelings. For him.”

They talk about Eddie’s feelings with the whole thing—his unresolved feelings regarding Shannon and their relationship, and why he thought something with Kim would help fix that—and by the time he leaves, he’s absolutely drained. He’d like nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed for a nap, but… Buck’s at home. He really needs to have a conversation with Christopher, preferably without Buck in earshot, so he grabs a coffee and muffin from a nearby coffee shop and heads for the park the three of them frequent. He could probably use the fresh air anyway.

His mom picks up on the first ring, which Eddie still finds hard to believe. They’ve never talked as much as they have in the past month and Eddie appreciates it beyond belief. Chris still won’t talk to him, so he gets all his updates through Buck or his mom. He thinks he’d be going a little crazy if he wasn’t getting any at all, so as angry as he is at his parents, he’s grateful too.

He asks if Chris is around and if he’d be willing to Facetime, and much to his surprise, Chris agrees. His mom passes the phone to him and then Eddie’s laying eyes on his son for the first time in almost a month and he’s so fucking happy he could cry.

“Dad? Is everything okay?” Chris asks quietly, frowning.

Eddie chuckles wetly. “Everything’s great, mijo. I promise. I, uh, I actually wanted to talk to you about something, if you don’t mind sharing some of your time with your old man.”

Chris wrinkles his nose. “You’re not that old. What do you want to talk about?”

Eddie clears his throat, taking a sip of his coffee and setting the cup on the bench beside him. “So, we’ve talked about sexual orientation before. How Denny’s moms love each other and that’s wonderful, and how Buck might end up loving another man, or maybe a woman. You remember?”

Chris nods, pushing his glasses up as he settles onto a bed. Eddie recognizes it as his childhood bed, which brings up all sorts of feelings that he really does not want to deal with at the moment. “Yeah, Denny’s moms are lesbian and Buck said he was beesexual?”

Eddie chokes back a snort. “Bisexual, yes. So I’ve been working with Frank, do you remember him? He’s my therapist, I go to him and he helps me… sort through all the stuff in my head?”

Chris nods again. “Like when I went to see the doctor after the tsunami and they helped me talk about Mom?”

“Yeah, exactly. So Frank and I talked about it and I wanted to tell you. I’m gay.”

Chris frowns. “But you loved Mom, didn’t you?”

Eddie smiles. “Yeah, buddy. Your mom was my best friend. But I didn’t love her like Denny’s moms love each other. Does that make sense?”

Christopher’s face screws up as he thinks, then nods. “Like Harry’s dad, right? They were together but then his dad told them he was gay?”

“Exactly. I loved your mom, but more like a best friend than a partner.”

Chris nods. “So if you’re gay and Buck is bisexual, does that mean you love each other now?”

Eddie chokes back a laugh. Leave it to Chris to get straight to the point, especially when Buck is involved. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about, mijo. I know you’re getting older and that we can have more open discussions about these things, and I wanted to include you. I know what happened with Marisol and Kim upset you, and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

Chris looks away. “You lied to me, Dad.”

Eddie’s heart aches. All he wants to do is wrap Christopher in his arms and squeeze, but he can’t. So he settles for Frank’s suggestion and is as honest as possible instead. “You’re right, and that was wrong of me. I shouldn't have treated you like that, I’m sorry.” He lets the apology linger as he eats some of his muffin. “I wanted to know what you thought about me possibly dating Buck. I know after everything that it might bring up some complicated feelings, so if you want me to hold off on dating anyone, I absolutely will.”

Chris chews his lip. “But you’d be dating Buck? Right? Not anyone else?”

Eddie shakes his head. “No one else. I want to date Buck. I haven’t talked to him about it yet, I wanted to talk to you first.”

Chris looks away again, and Eddie hates how worried he looks. “Would he leave?” Chris whispers, glancing back at Eddie.

“Why would he leave?” Chris sniffles. Eddie wants to hug him so desperately that his hand twitches. “Chris, why do you think Buck would leave?”

“Everyone you date leaves,” Chris says quietly, averting his gaze again. Eddie’s pretty sure his heart has snapped in two.

“No, Chris. I don’t think he would leave,” Eddie says gently. “I think Buck really likes being with us, and I think he’d like to be with us even more. If we did date, I mean.”

Chris bites his lip. “Can I talk to Buck about it? After you talk to him? I want him to promise.”

Eddie blinks against the tears stinging his eyes. “Of course, mijo. I’m going to talk to him when I get home, and then we’ll both call you, okay?”

Chris nods. “Dad, do you love him?”

Eddie smiles. “Yeah, Chris. I love him a lot. Almost as much as I love you.”

Chris nods again, seemingly satisfied with that answer. “I just want you to be happy, Dad. Buck makes you happy.”

Eddie feels like his entire chest has been cracked open. “Yeah, Chris, he really does. He makes us both happy, right?”

Chris sits up quickly, eyes widening. “Wait, does this mean Buck is gonna live with us?”

Eddie huffs a laugh. “Yeah, maybe in the future. I think he’ll go back to his loft when Bobby and Athena find a place to live, but we can talk about that. Do you want him to live with us?”

“Well yes, obviously! Then we could hang out all the time! It’d be like movie night every night.” He’s grinning now, which makes Eddie feel infinitely better than before. Plus, he’d like Buck there forever too, so he can’t exactly blame the kid.

“Alright. I’m gonna go home and talk to Buck. We’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay Dad. Love you.”

Eddie smiles, taking one more look at his kid, just to reassure himself. “Love you, Chris.”

X

It’s quiet when he gets home, which is still jarring. He and Buck don’t make as much noise as a nearly-teenage boy, so the silence makes his chest ache. Still, he’s buoyed after his conversation with Chris, and he’s even whistling to himself quietly as he kicks his shoes off and sets them on the rack near the door, hanging his keys on the key rack.

“Eds? That you?”

Eddie smiles, running a hand through his hair and taking a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He’s felt off-balance since Christopher left but, even with… this whole thing looming right now, he feels more in control than he has in a while. It’s nice. “Yeah, back from therapy. Beer?”

Buck hums in the affirmative, so Eddie heads for the kitchen and grabs two out of the fridge, popping the caps off and grabbing a bag of chips. He can hear some shuffling noises in his bedroom, so he drops the beers and chips on the coffee table and heads for his bedroom. He knocks on the frame, smiling softly when he finds Buck putting laundry away.

“You don’t want to nap?” Buck asks, not even bothering to turn to look at Eddie. He looks so at home here, putting Eddie’s laundry away, and he suddenly has the overwhelming urge to take the four steps into his bedroom and kiss him.

“No,” he says finally, clearing his throat. “Session was actually… really helpful. I Facetimed with Christopher after, that’s why I’m so late getting back. I feel good. Is that silly?”

Buck turns to look at him over his shoulder, a small smile on his face. “No, it’s not silly. Took about a dozen sessions with Dr. Copeland for me, and a screaming match on the phone with my parents, but after that it really started to help, and I stopped dreading going.” He bumps the drawer closed with his hip, turning to face Eddie fully. “You Facetimed with Chris? That’s big. How did it go?”

Eddie lets out a breath, sitting heavily on the bed. “Actually pretty well, I think? He’s scared and upset but I think he’s coming around. That, uh… that actually wasn’t what I talked to him about.”

Buck sits down next to him, leaning back and raising an eyebrow. “What did you talk to him about?”

He suddenly feels like he could throw up, which is annoying. Buck’s bisexual, he’s not going to give a shit that Eddie is gay. Still, it feels like admitting it will open a door toward a relationship for them, and as much as he wants it (because he does want it, almost as much as he wants Chris back home) he’s fucking terrified. He’s pretty sure Buck feels the same way he does, and obviously he needs to confess to find out for sure, but there’s a part of his brain that’s insisting that Buck doesn’t feel that way and that his admission will ruin everything.

Buck wraps a hand around Eddie’s wrist, squeezing gently. “You okay?”

Eddie clears his throat, staring at their hands with a little bit of wonder as he finally chokes out, “I’m gay. I told him I’m gay.”

Buck’s hand tightens around his wrist, and Eddie has the desperate thought that he’d like to know how Buck’s fingers feel between his own. He hears a soft exhale beside him, but he can’t bring himself to look at Buck. He can’t see whatever’s playing out across his best friend’s face right now, or he’ll never get the rest of his confession out.

“I also asked if he would be okay if I were to… date someone. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to be uncomfortable with it.”

He can hear Buck swallow beside him, and he wants. He wants to just turn and kiss him until neither of them can breathe.

“O-oh. Eddie, I’m so honored that you told me,” Buck says quietly, but Eddie can tell he’s holding back. Waiting for the rest of whatever Eddie has to tell him. “Who, uh. Who did you ask him about dating?”

Eddie swallows past the knot in his throat, sucking in a sharp breath as he forces himself to turn his head and look at Buck. He’s fucking terrified, but he needs to see Buck’s reaction, good or bad. Buck’s already looking at him, a mixture of fear and hope swirling in his eyes. It’s enough to push the words out of Eddie’s mouth. “You. I asked him about dating you,” he manages, eyes locked on Buck’s face for any sort of reaction.sa

He feels like he waits for hours, but then Buck’s mouth is tipping up into a sunny grin and Eddie feels like he could float.

“God, you have no idea how badly I was hoping you’d say that,” Buck murmurs, slipping his hand down to intertwine their fingers. “Before I—what did Chris say?”

Eddie laughs. “He asked if you were gonna live with us forever, cause that meant basically every night was movie night. And that he was okay with it, but only if it was you. And he wanted to talk to you about it, so we’ll have to call him later.”

Buck grins. “God, I love that kid.” He squeezes Eddie’s hand as Eddie laughs in disbelief.

“Have we really been this stupid? We could’ve just… been together this whole time?”

Buck hums, thumb swiping over the back of Eddie’s hand. He doesn’t even think Buck realizes he’s doing it. “You know, when I broke up with Tommy, he asked if it was because of you.”

Eddie blinks, meeting Buck’s gaze. “Me? Why?”

Buck snorts. “Eddie… it wasn’t Tommy’s attention I was trying to get.”

“Oh,” he mumbles, looking down at their joined hands. “You wanted my attention?”

“I always want your attention,” Buck confirms, giving Eddie’s hand another squeeze. “And I want to date you. If that wasn’t clear. I mean, fuck, Eddie, I’d marry you tomorrow if you asked me to.”

Eddie’s head snaps up, meeting Buck’s gaze. There’s a fondness in his eyes that Eddie has seen directed at him before, but it’s… has he really missed it this whole time? God, if he’d just realized what he had in front of him, maybe he could have avoided this whole mess. He wants to dissuade Buck, explain that he’s a walking nightmare right now and that no one in their right mind should date him, but he doesn’t. He can’t. Instead, he bites his lip and whispers, “can I kiss you?”

Buck doesn’t even bother verbally answering. His free hand cups Eddie’s cheek and then he’s leaning in slowly, clearly giving Eddie enough time to back off if he wants to. He doesn’t. Buck’s lips are on his in half a breath, and he feels like his heart might beat straight out of his chest. He’s always been sort of indifferent to kissing, but this… Buck’s mouth on his is really something else. He needs more of it. He drops Buck’s hand, reaching out to grab his waist and pull him closer. Buck huffs a laugh against his lips, but seems to get the memo, shuffling closer until their legs are pressed together. Buck’s hands are so gentle on his face, and Eddie’s not exaggerating when he says it’s the best kiss he’s ever had.

He’s not sure how long they sit there, just reveling in the fact that they get to kiss now, but at some point they’d shuffled so that Buck was comfortably straddling Eddie’s lap. Eddie’s hands are under Buck’s shirt, tracing the miles of warm skin beneath. They’re mostly just stupidly grinning at each other now, but it’s fucking incredible. They’ll have to move at some point, Eddie is sure, but that’s for later Eddie to deal with. There’s nowhere else in the world he’d rather be right now.

X

They Facetime Chris a couple of hours later, and Chris is beyond ecstatic. He wastes no time asking Buck to move in permanently, and Eddie even manages to agree, saying that maybe he should just stay. Buck stares at him, and Eddie gives him a soft smile and a shrug.

“You basically live here anyway, Buck,” he murmurs, brushing a hand through his curls. They’re soft, free of product since they’re off today, and Buck leans into the touch. “Besides, with the housing market like it is? Who knows how long Bobby and Athena will need your loft?”

Buck bites his lip. “A-are you sure? I mean, it’s a big step, isn’t it? Moving in?”

Eddie snorts, and he can see Chris roll his eyes on Buck’s phone screen. “Buck, I don’t really think anything would be a big step for us at this point. Like I said, you basically live here anyway. Even before you gave Bobby and Athena your loft, you had two drawers in my dresser and a chunk of clothes in my closet. We keep all of your favorite foods in stock, and you cook dinner here most nights. You even brought your own pillow over because you stayed here enough to complain about the shi—bad couch pillows.”

Chris laughs. “Heard that! Swear jar, Dad!”

Eddie rolls his eyes, but smiles and drops a dollar into the jar on the coffee table. “Honestly, it would probably make more sense anyway,” he continues, hand absently carding through Buck’s hair. “We’d be able to see you all the time, we can just carpool to work. I know Chris would love to have you here.” He drops his voice lower, murmuring, “I’d get to wake up with you in the mornings.”

Buck blinks quickly, eyes watery. “I-I would love that. I just don’t want to mess this—us—up.”

Eddie shakes his head. “Buck, you could never mess us up. Okay? After everything we’ve been through together? An earthquake, a tsunami, me being buried underground, you being struck by lightning? God couldn’t tear us apart even if He wanted to,” Eddie says with a grin, pulling Buck into a kiss.

“Ewww! Oh no, wait, you’re going to do this all the time now, aren’t you? What have I done?”

Buck huffs a laugh, settling against Eddie’s side as they both turn back to Christopher. “Sure are, bud. You wanted this!”

Christopher pouts, but Eddie can see right through it. He knows his son well enough to know how excited he is. “I know, but I didn’t think about you guys kissing all the time! You’re gonna be so gross!”

Eddie grins. “Well, as your parents, I’m pretty sure it’s our job to be gross.” He can feel Buck stiffen against him and drops a gentle kiss to his forehead, whispering, “you are his parent, Buck. Have been for a while.”

Chris clears his throat, so Eddie turns his attention back to Buck’s phone. “I want to stay for two more weeks. My cousins are going to a summer camp then, so if that’s okay, I’ll come back then?”

Eddie sags with relief, draping his arm around Buck’s shoulders. “Of course, bud. You know you don’t have to come back then if you don’t want to, right?”

Christopher nods. “I know. But I know you only lied to me because you were hurting. I’m still mad about it.”

“You’re allowed to be mad about it, mijo, okay? I know I really hurt you, and I’m sorry. I never should have let things get so… twisted up. I should have gone back to Frank as soon as I realized just how deeply everything was affecting me. I can’t go back and fix it, but I can promise you that I’ll do my best to be honest with you from now on, and I’ll keep working through things with Frank.”

Chris nods again, hugging a pillow to his chest. “Thank you.”

Buck smiles and presses a kiss to his temple. “I’m proud of you, Eds.”

They chat quietly for a little while longer, Eddie tucked into Buck’s side as they listen to Chris fill them in on all the fun things he’s been doing over the summer. Eddie’s warm and comfortable and his son will be back home in two weeks, and Buck will move in, and everything will be as it should. He smiles to himself, sitting up to press a kiss to Buck’s cheek and wrap an arm around his middle.

It was a pain in the ass getting here, but here is pretty damn good.

[perpetualexistence]

Since you seem to be the expert, could you write a quick fic of Chris or Don putting tiny Topher in their wallet and then putting their wallet in their back pocket?

Topher would be so excited to be in the wallet in the back pocket of his favorite hosts.

It's been 500 years pocket Topher anon. And I'm so sorry I took this long. But I finally got around to it! Don't know if this is what you were expecting, but it's what came out of my brain.

Also it's like nearly 1000 words. I hope it makes up for the wait.

There are many advantages to being a tinyshifter. Others would argue that being able to shrink was more dangerous than it was worth. What with being stepped on, or being seen as prey by now much larger animals, or just how long it took to get from one place to another.

Those people didn't see the potential that Topher saw. Being small was perfect for a gossip like him. You could get into anywhere before any security detail noticed. He'd even snuck his way into the hottest party of the year once! Yeah he'd nearly gotten mauled to death by a fiesty purse dog. It had been worth it to actually spot the Chris Mcclean. For the 5 seconds it took for someone to see him unshrunken and kick him out.

So when his dad revealed that he was going to host a new show traveling the world, Topher was more than excited. He could sneak onto the most hyped up reality show AND get a free flight to wherever he wanted?! Sweet! Or, it would be if his dad had said yes to tagging along.

But he never listened to the word 'no', and he wasn't about to start now.

He waited until Don was about to leave. He always forgot something last minute. He always panicked, and it always made it easier to snatch his wallet.

Not that it was hard to steal his dad's wallet in the first place. Oh the things he'd charged on that credit card. And he WAS running low on hair products...

Wait, focus! eyes on the prize Topher!

He set the wallet down on the coffee table right by the front door. Perfect, now for the fun part.

He focused on making his body curl in on itself without actually moving. Just have to be as small as a mouse to slip into places and get the best gossip. Smaller, smaller...perfect! He was pocket sized now. Now to just slip himself inside of the wallet.

That was on the coffee table miles above him. Oh. Whoops. No problem, he just had to grow back to normal, sit on the table, and THEN shrink.

And he had to do it now because he could hear the thunderous creaks of his dad coming down the stair.

Crap crap crap! He thought of getting bigger as quick as he possibly could. The second he was able to reach the coffee table, he climbed onto it. The table creaked at his weight but that didn't matter now. He could hear Don's footsteps getting louder. It wasn't hard to shrink when he desperately wanted to hide. He dove into the folds of the wallet just as he heard Don stop in front of the table.

"Oh, there you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

Topher could feel himself jostle as the wallet was being picked up. He couldn't see much of anything now that it was closed, but that didn't matter. He was so close to spoilers galore and worldwide shopping and why wasn't the wallet moving anymore?

He yelped when artificial light hit his face. He closed his eyes at the shock. When he opened them he could see Don's disappointed face staring at him.

"Topher, get out of my wallet." Don ordered.

"Aw, but the plan was so good and everything! How'd you know?" Topher whined. He crouched deeper so only his head was popping out of the wallet. If Don wanted Topher out, he'd have to grab him himself.

"You really thought I wouldn't notice my wallet being heavier?"

"Are you calling me fat? I can see the headlines now. 'Up and coming reality tv host Don Mallory gets cancelled for fatphobic comments. Public devastated!' Your career would be ruined. But if you were to, I don't know, make it up to me with a trip around the world-"

"Topher, you know I can't just bring you along! The network won't just let me bring a plus one."

"Then the network doesn't have to know! Let me hide in your wallet. We can call this father and son bonding!" Topher knew Don was always desperate for ways for them to connect, so maybe this would work?

"We've already done that in a way that won't get me in trouble with the network! Remember disco night?"

"Disco is dead and you killed it."

Topher knew he screwed up when he saw his father's face fall at that comment. Okay, maybe that one was a bit too far. Don had been really happy when he'd dragged Topher along. It wasn't his fault his dad was super embarrassing!

"Topher."

"Okay, fine, sorry! Just...please? Who knows when I'm going to get a chance like this again?" Don was still looking hurt so great, okay, fine, Topher would make it up to him. "...You can tell me all the history facts they make you cut for time?"

The smile began to return to Don's face and Topher knew he had him. Don still let out a light sigh. "Alright, BUT. You have to stay in my pocket the whole time we're airing. No trying to get on camera."

"Promise!" Topher lied. He wouldn't ever stop trying to do that, but he could stop himself from making it TOO obvious. "Now, don't you still have a flight to catch?"

"Right, right. Sorry, this is going to be a bit bumpy." Don moved his thumb and gently pushed Topher's head back all the way into his wallet. Topher immediately began trying to fix his hair from the safe confines of the wallet before being jostled as he was moved into complete darkness.

By the way he was now moving, he was in Don's pocket now, moving rapidly as Don moved to grab his luggage.

Luggage that Topher wouldn't have with sneaking himself on.

Oh well. He'd just figure something out later.

[dangerpronebuddie]

(Hold onto your hoola hoops, folks, I wrote this at 2am after a paper that fought me tooth and nail, so if it makes no sense I'm sorry 😁)

Okay. I can't stop thinking we're in for some Eddie whump. (The whumper in me says we're overdue pero ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ that's beside the point). Anyway. The foreshadowing has been in the making since 4x14, and with them discussing that arc so much, I can't help feeling like they'll bring up something about it. (Under the cut, cause this gets a bit long)

This show doesn't often leave storylines open, so addressing the will again is inevitable. But what would prompt it? Eddie thinks Buck understands it (he doesn't), so why would they need to bring it up again?

They promoted Chris/ Gavin along with the main cast. No other kids were. So why?

You could argue the 7x01 storyline was the reason behind it, but I don't think that line is completely done. The premieres usually foreshadow some events through the season. Bringing up Shannon not only gives new viewers a glimpse into the Diaz boys and their trauma, it sets up something they'll revisit. She's been mentioned a few times throughout the season, and having her be a part of the guilt storyline makes perfect sense and is absolutely beautiful.

Eddie still holds this guilt about their relationship. All these if onlys. He's come a long way in his healing and growth, but it isn't linear, and that loss will never completely heal. He's still looking for that magic, that deep love he had (and still has) for her. He can't move past the guilt he feels about it all.

A coma dream of his own, or some kind of hallucinations, would be the perfect way to get him to forgive himself. How we get there? I'm not 100% sure. But I have some ideas!

1. Trapped dads (thank Anna)

@lover-of-mine can explain it so much better, but we've been rooting for this for ages. We thought they were going to drown Buck this season, but it doesn't look like they're going that way. So, we thought about flipping the scenario. Eddie is the one gravely injured, not Buck. Aborted confession? Possibly! Buck being the sole parent while Eddie is in the hospital? Absolutely. It would bring about so many possibilities. Eddie wouldn't confess to Buck as he was dying, he wouldn't make Buck carry that. But Buck might confess to Eddie as Eddie is dying so he knows he'll die loved. When he saves Eddie (desperate CPR when???) they have to live with what was said in the moment. Even better if Eddie is in a coma afterwards. Bonus points if they're still in their relationships through it all. Mutual pining anyone? Buck will be taking care of Chris in the midst of it all, possibly revealing to T and M that the will exists. The season ends with Eddie awake and healing, knowing how Buck feels. He of course won't say anything because they're still dating other people. Allows for a LOT of pining through s8.

2. Hallucinations (thanks Saturn)

I hadn't really considered this possibility, but @steadfastsaturnsrings brought up a great idea. I tried to find out the specific episode that takes place in the desert, but as far as I've found, they haven't specified. I'm assuming 7x07. Since 7x07 is Ghost of a Second Chance, Shannon could be appearing in that one. And if 7x07 is the one in the desert, then there's a lot of possibilities there too. Heatstroke or snake bite... either could cause hallucinations. Since the writer for 7x07 is likely Taylor Wong (wrote 6x15) then some Eddie and Shannon angst is definitely possible. Any way we look at this, the will could factor in. Eddie can't care for Chris, so Buck steps in. I think something happening in the desert could add some visions focused around his service and we get some very Eddie Begins type scenes that maybe show more positive calls between Eddie and Shannon. We could also possibly get a callback to 6x15 and Eddie's fear of dying alone (and having Buck there with him would prove him wrong. Wishful thinking).

3. God only knows

He gets trapped in a collapsed building? T involved? Sinkhole? Some kind of blood loss? We don't know! But I do know that Juan Carlos Coto usually writes huge episodes for Bobby, Eddie, and Buck (3x09, 4x05, 5x13, 5x16, 6x10 just to name a few). And since he's writing 7x08, which is titled Step Nine, the guilt and Shannon could happen there too. I mentioned in another post (which I can't find, naturally) that Step Nine in AA means making amends, no matter what. So, while Bobby is likely making amends with Amir, Eddie is making amends with himself, Shannon, and his guilt surrounding it. (There's a possible firepilot storyline there, depending on how 7x06 goes but I won't get into that rn).

Any way it goes, Shannon appearing, especially appearing older, will show Eddie all those if onlys he's been dwelling on. It will show him how different his life could've been (parallel to 6x11) and it will show him he hasn't failed. He has nothing to feel guilty about. He's not going to find what he had with Shannon. But he can find something just as deep and meaningful. And it's something Shannon (his subconscious) has to show him. Something he has to figure out on his own, like he usually does. No outside force is going to push him past it, no matter how hard he tries.

Perhaps in that dream/ hallucination, he'll realize he's not a commitment phobe, he's not a failure, he's not a sinner doomed to hell. He's human, and he's found love he's not allowing himself to feel.

Feelings realization (or more acceptance of those feelings) and some delicious pining is imminent. How we get to it? I'm not sure. They usually repeat kinds of injuries so I'm leaning more towards trapping him somewhere, but I love the idea of a snake bite. It's happening to someone, based on the fact they had dangerous reptiles on set (or a prop for it). Any way it happens, it'll be amazing, especially if this happens with it.

[gawinluvr]

eddie can't flirt

eddie met shannon and they married when they were young. after being away from her, and her later coming back, he never dated in between. the girls drooling over him at that one bar never even crossed his mind ever again, despite them losing their minds over how attractive he was.

the whole time eddie was focused on christopher and never bothered dating. until ana, and even then, it took him months to even consider maybe, potentially talking to her in a romantic context. lord knows if it wasn't for that coffee spill, he never would've contacted her. that man was rusty and inexperienced.

he was also not used to girls being all over him; he never paid attention to them because being a father was all that mattered to him. which made sense, right? a busy dad who didn't date women… ever. he just saw potential candidates like ana and thought, "Great, you would be a great woman and potential mother, like a replacement for chris, and you're nice and pretty, that's perfect."

there was that one conversation he had with carla, which served as an epiphany. he never bothered dating women for a purpose other than christopher. besides that, he felt no need to date women at all, really. this whole time, he didn't really want to nor feel that need of someone taking up that role anymore; chris was growing up, buck and carla helped out whenever, so what's the need for a woman? he could and had been getting by just fine. maybe that's what bothered him. he never looked out for women, never went out seeking them, and frankly didn't even notice them half the time.

maybe it's because he didn't date any and was very aware of their presence, but with guys, it was never like that. maybe because they were the same gender, like how he felt giddy around a group of handsome guys and felt more interested in striking up a conversation with them. and they just visually stood out more. but according to him, it's a guy thing, right?