#because he’s not possessive or desperate for control on dean’s level when it comes to their relationship

[lambmotifz]

What make you think Dean is not a bottom?

i’ll never understand why 99% of spn fandom are so convinced he is a bottom with men when he’s canonically 1) straight (he said so himself multiple times, also jensen confirmed it) 2) homophobic (he HAS said things that are kinda homophobic and since he’s not canonically not straight, those things are just homophobic) 3) if we’re talking about wincest then it couldn’t be more obvious from their canon interactions that his primal urge is to possess/control sam in every aspect, including physically, and also regain control that john took away from him when he was younger (which also explains his repressed enjoyment of violence & sadism that he’s ashamed of). i often see shippers say that he “just wants to submit and be vulnerable” but i don’t get that vibe from him at all, especially when it comes to sam. on the contrary he is often shown to be physically violent with sam and he goes unhinged every time he loses a bit of control over him (which partly comes from his unhealthy obsession with the ideal version of sam). he enjoys having that power/control over sam because it gives him the feeling of stability, he feels confident when he knows sam belongs to him. also just because he lets women take the lead in bed doesn’t mean it’d be like that with sam because dean has completely different needs when it comes to their dynamic

[pynkhues]

Why does no one ever hold rio accountable for shooting dean? Like everyone hates Beth but nobody ever talks about rio almost killing Dean the father of her kids. Doing the same thing that everyone hated Beth for. Taking away rio form Marcus. Like rio almost took away Dean from his kids. I think it’s very hypocritical.

I think that there are quite a few things to unpack in that question, anon, and some of it I think is genuinely based on the way the story has played out, and the arcs of certain characters and plots, and how the chips ultimately fell with some of the themes and messaging. I also think personally though that some of it boils down to how some people within the audience feel about Rio, and some selective reading on his character and his dynamic with Beth overall.

So let’s explore that!

Prelude to a Bullet Wound

At the foundation of your ask is a pretty specific question I think about how the story depicts consequences, who it holds to account, and who is deserving or undeserving of those consequences overall. Even more specifically – although please correct me if I’m wrong! – is a question about how those consequences are dealt in the Dean x Beth x Rio dynamic.

And that’s actually a really tricky question, because I think a lot of the time we like to compare Beth and Dean’s relationship with Beth and Rio’s with the expectation that that comparison can ultimately be presented as a sort of check-list of does and does-not, which actually does the complexity of both relationships a disservice.

From history to dynamic to context to personalities to attraction, it’s all so fundamentally different when you’re talking about these two relationships, that when you start to talk about the betrayals within both of them (of which there are many in each), they’re actually pretty incomparable.

So this brings me to my first point.

Consequences, Crime and Punishment

I think one of the big misreads of this series from audiences is that Dean hasn’t been punished for what he’s done to Beth over the course of the show.

Because he actually has! Dean has been shot by Rio, like you said. He was briefly kicked out of the house, he was in a car accident, he was ousted from his own company and then he lost that company altogether, he was mugged and humiliated after trying to order a hitman, he watched his wife slip further and further away from him, had to start from the bottom in a new business, was sexually harassed by his boss then lost opportunities, and is now essentially being used as a patsy in a new criminal enterprise.

The thing is, Beth has never really been the one to punish him. She’s certainly made choices and done things that have humiliated him, but none of it was really an act to deliberately hurt him, more she made choices to be selfish in their relationship in a way she never had been (i.e. taking over Boland Motors, sleeping with Rio), but I’ll come back to that in a moment.

The fact that the story has punished Dean but Beth hasn’t is a really important distinction to make, and I think it’s crucial in unpacking both Beth and Dean, and Beth and Rio’s dynamic, as well as understanding some of the audiences hostility towards Dean’s storyline and why the audience doesn’t hold Rio accountable for shooting Dean in the first place.

It’s further underpinned, I think, by the fact that the show has rewarded Dean narratively with Beth’s forgiveness three times over (the first time being at the end of season 1 before the cancer lie was revealed, the second being the moment before Amber revealed Dean had cheated on her more than once in 2.05, and the third was with Beth’s seeming acceptance of Dean kissing Gayle [although I do think that would’ve come back up had we gotten all of s3]), and then placated him with her pity, fatigue, and the lies she’s told to keep him onside and out of her way.

It is exhausting. Dean is exhausting. The Boland marriage limping on season after season is exhausting. It’s also, I think, painfully realistic for a couple like Dean and Beth, who married at a formative age, and who’s foundation was built on Beth’s subservience, her desperate need for security and stability, and her willingness to dim her own light to brighten his.

A quick personal aside:

When my parents were in the dying days of their 30+ years relationship, their marriage counsellor told them that a relationship’s dynamic is really set within the first year of that relationship. You can change it after that, but it requires a lot of work and a deliberate effort to change that dynamic on many, many levels, and for many couples, it is too much work. It certainly was for my parents.

If you think about Beth and Dean in that context, it means that Beth’s energy with Dean is still somewhat stuck within a shell of being a neglected, private teenage girl trying to look after her sister and Dean being the son of a successful businessman, entitled with the knowledge he’d inherit that successful business one day.  

They are not those people anymore, and they both know it, but their relationship dynamic does play out that way. Dean will never see her as more than his to take care of, and Beth will forever fight the instinct to see Dean as the provider she never had growing up – something the show has addressed explicitly in many ways.

And the thing is, that’s not Beth and Rio’s relationship at all.

The foundations that they have built this thing between them on are both shakier and stronger, built on Beth’s need to survive in the moment and thrive in the future, and Rio seeing not the neglected teenage girl that Dean saw, but a fierce woman prepared to drag him for having the audacity to try and kill her in her own home.

Beth’s relationship with Dean is, in many ways, an essential component of Beth and Rio’s dynamic, simply because Beth won’t let Rio ever treat her the way Dean has and does. Beth holds Rio accountable in a way she doesn’t Dean (although very interestingly to me, she has at points looked to him to provide for her in the same way she’s looked at Dean), and it means she punishes Rio in a way she doesn’t punish Dean. She does this in no small part because Rio holds her accountable and punishes her in ways Dean doesn’t as well, simply because he expects so much more from her.

This is probably best encapsulated in 1.06, where Rio ups her drop (ergo, her degree of responsibility in the crime world) while Dean assumes she’s a victim, but it’s touched on routinely across the seasons.

Beth and Rio ultimately respect each other. Even when they’re deliberately undermining each other (usually Beth, haha) or deliberately condescending and patronising each other (usually Rio, haha), the basis of their relationship has been built on Beth showing promise, and Rio taking a chance, and grown into a complicated dynamic of control and autonomy, desire and fulfilment, want and approval, possession and abandonment, all playing out as some twisting, sexually charged game which, as I’ve said before, they both simultaneously want to win, and don’t want to play at all.

All of this means that where Beth and Dean are within a dynamic of placation and diminishment, Beth and Rio are constantly going toe-to-toe with each other either side of some line they’ve imagined up. It means they do hold each other accountable, that they ensure the other feels the consequences of their actions, that they never release their hold on the other (even if sometimes it looks like they do).

As a result though too, it does mean that that line can be crossed, and when it is, it’s almost always in a big, big way.

Uhhh, Sophie, this is a lot of meditating on Beth and Dean and Beth and Rio’s relationship for a question that was about why no one cares about Rio shooting Dean, but hates Beth for shooting Rio

Right! It is! But I also think it’s important in understanding why both acts had such different responses from audiences, and that namely boils down to the fact that I think most people saw, consciously or subconsciously, the act of Rio shooting Dean as a consequence of Dean’s behaviour, not of Beth’s, and therefore a punishment for Dean’s behaviour in the narrative overall, not a punishment of Beth.

Dean getting shot was a story-level punishment of Dean that felt earned.

It was Rio handling what Beth couldn’t, and it is satisfying to watch, particularly in the context of later seasons, because it does feel like a marked act of narrative accountability.

It’s just unfortunate that it resulted in so much of the fandom ignoring the fact that it was an incredibly harsh punishment to Beth, something that we’ve been dealing with ever since because it clearly made Beth feel like she couldn’t leave him during his treatment, and by the end of that treatment she had, once again, softened.

On the other hand, Rio getting shot by Beth was both a story-level and a character-level punishment that was ultimately unearned on either of those levels.

It’s not that it didn’t make sense in terms of the escalating push-pull dynamic that is so central to Beth and Rio’s relationship and chemistry, but that there wasn’t enough build-up for it – and Rio hadn’t done enough to deserve it – which in turn made the punishment not fit the crime (which is to say nothing of the racist optics of it). It was a damning act that, quite simply, didn’t work in the context of season 2 overall, and as opposed to criticising the writing choice, some fans chose to turn that into a hatred of Beth’s character.

A brief aside

I do always find it interesting that many of these same fans refuse to confront the fact that Beth and the girls have had relentless punishment at the hands of others – particularly Rio – since this show started, but that feels like a whole other post.

Smoke and mirrors

These two acts are interesting to look at in the context of these respective dynamics, but they’re actually not parallel events. In that sense, I actually find the act of Beth insinuating herself into Rhea and Marcus’ life a much more comparable act to Rio shooting Dean than Beth shooting Rio was.

They were different types of violence – a psychological one over a physical one – sure, but had the same underpinning themes of home invasion, involving each other’s families in the fucked-up dynamic between them, and revealing a degree of Beth and Rio’s intimacy to the other’s (ex)partner (Rio through touching Beth in front of Dean, Beth through the pregnancy lie meaning Rhea knew Beth and Rio had slept together). It also puts them both as instigators on similar playing fields. They were, after all, actions that both Beth and Rio sought out doing.

It makes for a really interesting parallel that I wish we all talked about more!

Beth shooting Rio on the other hand was a manifestation of a set-up and a betrayal, a kidnapping gone wrong, an effort to strongarm Beth into killing an FBI agent, and yeah. Not my favourite plot choice on the show, haha, so I absolutely understand why it isn’t others’ too.

A final note

Look, all story analysis aside – at the end of the day, a portion of the fandom woobifies Rio and loathes Dean too, which no doubt plays a large part in some people’s response to these two acts. You only need to look at the volume of Rio x Reader or Rio x OC fics on here and ao3 to see that there’s a big chunk of the fandom out there who projects other fantasies onto his character, which is, of course, entirely fine! It’s just a shame some of them choose to let that influence the way they view canon and publicly treat other characters on the show too.

[lovedsammy]

head above water; [commission for samwinchesterlesbian]

This was the 2nd commission from @samwinchesterlesbian, still focusing on Sam + trauma and Casifer. I went with their instances of interaction in 11.14, 11.18 and 11.22 (I believe). This took forever because I’m sick as hell with the flu, but I hope it has some sense of clarity to it! Giving this a trigger warning for implied/referenced sexual assault (this is Lucifer after all) so please be careful when reading. Nothing explicit, I promise, but just in case. Also a lot of Sam & Cas friendship and Sam reflecting on Cas’s situation and paralleling it to his own. 

-

In hindsight, Sam knows that he should have seen this coming. After all, what was the saying? The Devil always had a way of getting his due? Standing here with Lucifer before him, inhabiting Castiel’s body, Sam guesses that saying was more than accurate. He just stares in disbelief at his friend, or the man that he recognizes his friend anyway, when Cas starts, quite eerily, laughing. He should’ve seen it, then, the odd behavior coming from Cas. Because Castiel, while much less reserved than other angels, was mostly stoic in nature and not easily amused. So the laughing in of itself was an oddity, especially when Sam had just bared himself, heart and literal soul to the angel, offering to let him use his soul for the power to save his brother. Castiel was perhaps not only the sole angelic being that he trusted, but the only one he’d ever entrust with the safety of his soul. Cas was his friend. Cas would not laugh at his declaration of trust, no matter the situation. So, really, the alarm bells should’ve been shooting off at that instant. But it isn’t until he’s pressed against the pillar with Lucifer’s fingers curled in his shirt that it hits him. The fear, the absolute horror of it all, keeps him from trying to fight back. Even if Lucifer weren’t pinning him in place right now, Sam doesn’t think he’d be fighting, or running, for that matter.  

He’s rooted to the spot in absolute terror. 

“Lucifer,” He realizes, and saying it aloud only makes it more real.  

“In the flesh.” 

There’s an absolute glee in Lucifer’s eyes, a personal enjoyment he gets out of wearing Castiel, and more so the fact that he can use Sam’s friend to violate him. Sam’s thoughts are racing a mile a minute, and his usually quick brain was having trouble processing. Was Lucifer so desperate to escape the cage again that he took over Cas’s -- Jimmy’s -- body, even without consent? What did that mean for Cas? Was the angel just gone? Worse? Could two angelic beings even possess the same body? He doesn’t have long to think about it, because he watches the way Lucifer’s hand loosens on his shirt and instead moves lower, down to the base of his stomach. Sam wants to hurl, unbidden memories coming back to him: of Lucifer’s hands going even lower, touching him in places that made Sam want to dissolve into nonexistence. Of how Lucifer could force his body to react no matter how much Sam tried to fight it. Sam had never known as much shame or felt as dirty. He was tainted by the Devil, in every sense of the word.

He’s brought back to the present when a fist pushes its way inside his gut, past his clothing and skin and muscles and organs, down into the very embodiment of his being itself. The pain is unlike anything he’s ever felt on the physical plane. He can vaguely remember Cas doing this once before when he was soulless, but it hadn’t been on the same level. Cas had been gentler, kinder, not intending to harm. But Lucifer… he was the opposite. Sam’s body remembers then, with the forceful limb inside him, the countless years and decades that the Devil had done this on a different realm, over and over again.  

The body remembers what the mind forgets.  

Sam throws his head back and screams. 

He’s not really aware now, not anymore. His soul is like a frayed nerve, inflamed and raw from the violent intrusion, trying to shrink away from the Devil. It scorches and burns and freezes all at once. A burning cold. It recognizes its torturer. Lucifer strokes it in a way that one might mistake as fond, except it’s more possessive than anything. The touch says, ‘you’re mine, and I can do anything I want with you.’ And sadly, his soul will remember every instance of this violation, even if Sam’s mind and body will not.  

When Sam wakes, Lucifer is still in front of him, on his knees, his face closer than Sam’s comfortable with. Sam can’t help it -- all of his bravery leaves him, and he puts his hands up placatingly, attempting to plead, skirting back as much as he can. “No, no,” He whispers. “Please.”

But it’s not Lucifer. It’s Cas, who is fighting to reign Lucifer in, to hold him back. Sam feels a sting of betrayal when he learns Cas voluntarily let the Devil in, but he tries to convince Cas to eject him all the same. Because of course it had gone that way, right? Lucifer prided himself on ‘consent’ but that was only after he’d found a way to play on the insecurities and doubts already there, and taken advantage of them. It was dubious at best, and… well, Sam knew the worst. He’d experienced it. Castiel’s intentions had been good, so of course the Devil had preyed upon those and convinced the angel to let him in. That part was done and over. What mattered now was not that Cas let Lucifer in, it was encouraging him to cast him out.

“You have to fight, Cas,” He tells the angel. “Eject him now!”

Except Cas can’t. He’s already using every bit of his strength to protect Sam. And in any case, they needed him to save Dean. Sam would have to find some other way to get rid of Lucifer, at least for now. And when he gets his chance, he catapults Lucifer far out of their vicinity, drawing the angel banishing sigil in his own blood.

 The reprieve does little to ease Sam’s troubled mind. He feels like his entire foundation has been rocked. Lucifer was walking the Earth once again.

-

Holy fire and an entrapped Cas - it felt like history was repeating itself. But it is Lucifer still wearing his friend, whose cocky grin he sees when the vessel turns to face him and Dean, unperturbed by the flames surrounding him. Sam fights down the shudder when they lock eyes, and squares his shoulders, features determined. Castiel was trapped inside his own body with the Devil for a room - well, mind - mate, and Sam knew firsthand how much of a terror that was. Even if Castiel didn’t realize it now, it was, and Sam wasn’t going to expose him to more of that than he already had been. Sam circles the Devil, still somehow managing to feel like prey rather than a predator, still the victim despite Lucifer being the one restrained. That’s always how it was. No matter how much power Sam obtained, Lucifer was still stronger. He never deluded himself into believing otherwise. There was no beating the Devil. 

They’d thought that maybe, just maybe, they could reach Cas long enough for him to expel Lucifer. Unlike Dean, however, Sam knew Lucifer’s games, and even though Cas was apparently staring right at him, body jerking as he fought to keep control, the younger Winchester hadn’t believed it was him as quickly. Lucifer liked to play with his targets before he pounced. Chances were he was just pretending to be Cas, continuing to string them along. The warding was beginning to fail, too, which would leave them without protection.

Not even Crowley also taking a dive into Cas’s body could expel the Devil. The hold that Lucifer had on Cas was just too strong. Sam no longer has any capacity for feeling bitterness or anger at Castiel -- all he can feel is sadness and empathy. How useless was the angel feeling, how unsalvageable and unneeded, that he’d no longer try and fight the epitome of evil residing inside of him? Sam knew that feeling well, too. Just one more thing for himself and Cas to bond over, he guesses.

And when Amara takes off with Lucifer as her prize, Sam releases a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. And he’s far more ashamed to acknowledge that the relief of being away from Lucifer overwhelms the depths of concern he has for Cas.

And he hates himself for it. 

-

Rescuing Lucifer from Amara is just rescuing Cas, plain and simple. Or that’s what Sam tells himself. He’s doing this because it’s necessary, and the pliant body he’s got slung over his shoulder in support is still the body of his friend. It didn’t matter who was currently in control. He can feel the chill emanating from the vessel, and inhales through his nose to calm his breathing, and keep his body sturdy. He knows that Lucifer can feel it, the way Sam’s heart races, the way his palms go clammy with anxiety, but luckily, for once, the Devil says nothing of it.

When they finally get back to the Bunker, Chuck - God - smiles sadly at Sam when he stands outside the door of his occupied bedroom. 

“I won’t let him hurt you,” He says, placing a comforting hand on Sam’s shoulder. “You don’t need to worry. He has no power here.” 

Except he does, Sam wants to insist. He has all the power in the world. It didn’t matter that the Devil could physically hurt him. Every second that he was within Sam’s vicinity, every second that he walked free, was a demonstration of his power. He was inhabiting Sam’s friend, and now his bedroom, the place that Sam felt safest in. The place that Sam let Cas in to. Lucifer knew that. He had to. This was just how Lucifer was – he exploited Sam’s vulnerabilities, took away the things that made him feel safest. He didn’t want Sam to feel safe, not even in his own home. Not even with God present.  

Later, when he bypasses Sam on the way to the library, Sam tries to make himself seem smaller, pressing himself into the cold wall to let the Devil pass. Lucifer pauses mid-step, smiling in the way that makes Sam’s skin crawl.

“I’ve gotta say, your bed is extremely comfortable, Sam,” He practically purrs. “No wonder Cassie enjoys it so much. It smells just like you.”

 He laughs when he glimpses Sam’s traumatized expression and saunters off again, his grace creating a soft, crisp wind about the place that only Sam can feel. It’s intentional, and it works.

 Sam stays pressed against the wall until his heart is no longer trying to work its way out of his body and his legs feel solid again.

[orionsangel86]

Season 14 – Desire and Happiness – Ongoing themes and Endgame flirtations

Right at the start of Season 14 we were presented with a question. “What do you want?” It was repeated, over and over again by Michael, as well as Sam in Andrew Dabb’s premier episode:

The themes of this season have been quite clear. They are about identity, desire, choice, and finding ones place in the world. What is it that these characters want out of their lives? How do they view themselves? What desires do they have and what makes them happy?

Over the course of the season so far, the question “what do you want” has developed into an exploration of happiness and what it means. Specifically, the impression of happiness vs actual happiness.

This started predominantly in 14x08, with Castiel agreeing to a deal with the Empty Entity that he would be taken right when he “finally gives himself permission to be happy”. This textualised something that has been present in subtext for several seasons for Castiel; that he never allows himself pleasure. Specifically it has been a recurring theme of Dabb era that Castiel is holding back. Remember Lucifer’s words in 12x07:

“I was inside you. I know what a weak, duty-bound, pleasureless dullard you are”.

It was also subtly hinted at in 14x01 in this conversation between the demon Kipling and Castiel:

KIPLING: Castiel, you sure I can’t get your anything hot and black?

CASTIEL: Coffee has no affect on me.

KIPLING: Hm. Me either. You know, not anymore, but it’s like saltwater taffy or infants -- you know, I just like the taste.

Kipling, like Castiel, isn’t affected by coffee. Unlike Castiel, Kipling drinks it anyway because he enjoys it. he derives pleasure from it. Wouldn’t Castiel also derive pleasure from coffee? Perhaps, but he won’t even allow himself the chance to try it.

The subtextual theme has been mainly shown through his refusal to ever accept offers of food or drink (it is worth noting that food and drink have been symbols of pleasure taking in the show since day 1, specifically the metaphor can be applied to Dean who uses pleasure as a distraction technique and Sam who also limits the pleasure he allows himself and only partakes in very controlled circumstances – see any Sam x food meta as it is fascinating).

For Castiel, happiness is something he can’t allow himself to have, so a HUGE question that the season has now given us is just what WOULD it take for Castiel to allow himself happiness?

This question goes hand in hand with the opening question of the season “What do you want?” What does Castiel want? Well, it does seem like there is at least one creature out there who knows the answer to that:

The happiness theme continued in 14x10, by presenting us with a Dean, trapped inside his own head, distracted by a vision of contentment by Michael in order to prevent him from fighting against possession. Dean reiterates over and over that Rocky’s Bar is all he’s ever wanted. That it’s his dream. But the truth is that this is an unhappy, lonely life. As an audience we are meant to contemplate just how miserable this empty bar in a storm must be, especially when it is made very clear that Dean has no one to share it with.

The conversation with Pamela touches on the theme of want again when she asks the following:

“How come you only want what you can’t have? Besides you don’t want me, you just like to flirt. I’m psychic so I kinda know.”

It’s in the negative space, but it’s still pretty clear. If Dean doesn’t want Pamela, what does he want instead? 

This dream bar of his doesn’t even come close to Dean’s true happiness. If it did, then that question “What do you want?” would have been answered. 

(Though on a deeper level it might be worth taking a listen to that song that kept playing on repeat)

Instead, we get closer to knowing Dean’s true feelings in 14x13, though also indirectly. Dean makes a wish on the pearl which was supposed to free him from Micheal, instead it brought back John Winchester and started changing the world around them. 

Dean desired to see his father again, but upon realising what it meant he would give up (Cas and Jack and his current family) he knew he had to reverse the spell. Dean reiterates his true feelings twice in the episode:

(x)

(x)

This makes it clear that at least the path to happiness lies in the present, and the potential future Dean can have with his current family. His happiness doesn’t lie in his past, nor in some hypothetical “apple pie life” his father dreamed up for him.

The theme of want and happiness for Dean is an interesting one, because his actual wants and desires are never addressed directly. Like with how Amara thought Mary was what he needed when what he really needed was to remove the weight he has carried since her death - that he was forced to grow up too quickly.

Like with Mary’s resurrection, what Dean desired from the pearl wasn’t John Winchesters return, but a chance to put to rest the shadow of his past, as he so aptly discussed earlier in 14x05 with Sasha (in another episode written by Meredith Glynn so you know it is meant to connect):

“Let it go. The past is... There's nothing you can do about it now, so it's just baggage. Let it go. You'll feel a lot lighter.” 

Dean’s desire was to let go of his own baggage, and by confronting John Winchester in 14x13 he was finally able to do that, as well as put his fathers ghost to rest. 

Whether or not the show will now continue to explore Dean’s true pursuit of happiness remains to be seen, but it does appear to be moving in that direction. 

14x15 once again explores this theme of the impression of happiness vs actual happiness. This time though its all for Sam. 

Sam comes to the pleasantville-esq town of Charming Acres and is practically immediately taken in by the picturesque apple pie life presented to him. He is manipulated by the Mayor of Charming Acres into forgetting who he is and instead plays a role of a happy husband to an idealistic 1950s style wife. He was forced into a fake happiness. In fact, fake happiness was exactly what this episode was all about:

MAYOR CHIP: The world  kept getting worse, and they called it modernisation and no matter what I did, people would turn to drink or drugs, they’d move away. They just weren’t happy.

...

MAYOR CHIP: I remade this town. I gave everybody new names, new lives. I made everybody happy.

Chip inflicted his own very limited view of happiness onto everyone around him, including Sam, who clings on to the fake happiness just as Dean initially clung onto to his “dream” bar: 

But Cas was able to snap Sam out of it by invoking his family, the people who love him and need him. Just as Cas pleaded with Dean and made those all important cracks in the fantasy in 14x10 before Sam finally pulled out the trigger word. Just like how in 14x13 the Winchester family reunion was nice for an evening, but it wasn’t truly real. Because Cas wasn’t there, Jack wasn’t there. Dean didn’t have his TRUE family with him, and because of that John had to go. 

In 14x15 Dean asks Sam about his happiness:

DEAN: Really happy huh?

SAM: I mean I guess I was happy, but, it wasn’t real. You know.

DEAN: Well, not a lot of happy going on around here.

SAM: I hate this place right now. I hate it. Everywhere I look I see them. I see Maggie. I guess its why I am so desperate to get out of here. why i kept running as ragged. But I gotta stop that, i can’t keep running. This is my home. This is our home. Dean I just think I need some time.

Sam clung to that fake happiness because he couldn’t see any real happiness in his real life, but he admits at the end that the bunker, and the people in it, are his home and he just needs time. Which is far healthier than running. 

The message presented in this particular theme appears to be that Sam and Dean are on a similar pursuit of happiness, where they have both now had a taste of a fake empty happiness that didn’t actually give them what either of them truly want. Neither of their “fake happy” experiences answered that all important first question. 

Just what do they want?

Castiel however, instead of being on a pursuit of happiness, is running in the opposite direction. Continuously denying himself any semblance of pleasure that could lead to his untimely demise. 

What does Castiel want? I think even Cas himself is afraid of the answer to that question.

Instead of answering these questions, the show continues to show us what the characters do not want. Which is why its important to pay attention. Sam appeared happy leading the AU!Hunters, and he is clearly devastated to have lost them, so perhaps Sam is the easiest to answer for. He already began the season in a pretty good place. After all, Mary textually states that leading is something Sam was born to do. (Is anyone else getting boy!king Sam flashbacks?) We know that Sam certainly doesn’t want that apple pie life because that was exactly what his fake happy place was. Sam seemed completely happy in the bunker playing Chief before everything went wrong. Sam’s issue going forward may be his struggle to rebuild that level of confidence among hunting parties beyond the AU!hunters that Sam came to view as his people. But this is just speculation.

The one thing that is extremely obvious when it comes to Dean’s happiness, is that his family is around him. Dean needs his family close by. His lonely bar in the middle of a storm with his family far away is certainly not his real dream life. After 14x13 ended so symbolically with Castiel returning home to an emotional Winchester family, it is clear that Castiel’s presence is a huge factor in Dean’s happiness. But then we only need to watch the first 6 episodes of season 13 to see just how true that is. 

In my episode review for 14x10 I wrote this about Dean’s wants:

“ Why doesn’t Dean want the beautiful Pamela? Why has he conjured her up as unavailable in the first place? What is it he wants instead? These are all questions now being posed to the audience and kept unanswered. Though perhaps a good place to start searching for an answer is in the song that plays on repeat over the entire dream sequence. “Searching for a Rainbow” by the Marshall Tucker Band is a song specifically about a weary traveller who keeps moving in the hopes of finding a mystery lover at the end of the rainbow. Not exactly subtle, though surprising seeing as Supernatural continues to pump out the company line that romance isn’t welcome here. I guess that doesn’t stop Dean from subconsciously dreaming about finding love – though not with a beautiful woman apparently. No he just likes to flirt with them.” 

Dean’s endgame arc has been subtly hinted at throughout the show since Carver era began. It involves romantic love. Perhaps it hasn’t been textually stated yet, but the subtext is still very much pushing it this direction. I expect that eventually when posed with the question “what do you want?” Dean may simply answer the same way that Jamil did in 14x01: “peace and love.” But Dean certainly won’t be lying.

This is why Castiel’s deal is also so significant. The only thing we know for certain about Castiel is that he has consistently shown that his dedication to the Winchesters and Jack come first no matter the cost. Like Dean, he is extremely loyal to his family and their well being. But is it enough? The evidence so far suggests not. Castiel just being with his family is not a big enough trigger for the entity to come and take him away, so whatever true happiness Castiel is denying himself, it is something greater than family. The Entity does appear to know the answer though. As in the gif example right at the start of this meta. The Entity brought up “love” showing that it was an important factor for Castiel. Could it be that love is what triggers the deal? 

Are both Dean and Castiel really in pursuit of love? 

My money is on yes. Obviously.

Though since these are endgame themes, they are unlikely to come to any conclusion within the next 5 episodes. I suspect that the exploration of want and happiness may come into play specifically in Jack’s upcoming arc, and his terrible choices which appear to reflect those of the Rit Zien class of angels. But as far as getting any of Dean, Sam or Cas to answer that all important question?

Well I’m pretty sure that’ll stay in the subtext for now. Though I would love to be wrong about that.

[mittensmorgul]

welkinalauda replied to your post Samulet anon again! I do feel like chuck admitting...

I just can’t imagine the scene, though.

Sam, upset over how many innocent people he couldn't save from the demons possessing them, there were just too many and the swarmed him and he couldn't get the exorcism out, and Ruby comes in to find him standing there surrounded by bloodied victims, knife dripping, and tells him... I don't know if you wanna try it, but there might be a way your psychic abilities could help...

It wouldn't be drinking blood right off the bat, but after a few minor successes and even more painful failures, she'd suggest maybe doing something to boost his power level just a bit, just until he learned to control it himself...

And he'd hate it and would tell her no, but she had time, and she waited until it seemed better than watching other innocent people die. She'd say "just a drop," or "just this once," and he'd cave. I mean, remember she'd also been seducing him in other ways, and the more he fell into her orbit, the more pliable and suggestible Sam became. And then once he had it once, he'd think it wasn't so bad, and it was EASY to save everyone now. He could actually threaten demons directly now. And Dean still wasn't there, and Ruby was, and Sam was doing the best he could with what he was left with, right? Because at the end of the day, that's what Sam will do, whatever he thinks it will take to save as many people as he possibly can.

He was at a point where he was literally tallying up the people he saved vs the ones he couldn't. He was DESPERATE to not be evil, you know? And his metric for not being evil was the human beings who could live their lives because of him.

(eta: Ruby had MONTHS to work on him, and she’d already been working on him for a whole season before that, getting him to keep secrets from Dean, even SAVING both him AND Dean that time in 3.09. In 3.12, Sam... didn’t immediately dismiss the “sacrifice the virgin” plan, and only agreed with Dean after he got upset about it. When there’s only ONE plausible option on the table to save everyone, it’s better than everyone dying... and Sam was open to the concept far more than Dean was back then. Yes, he learned some major lessons there, but he learned them the hard way. I have zero trouble imagining Ruby slowly chipping away at him until she’d convinced him it was the only right thing to do... until he was asking her for the blood as we saw in 4.20 and she strung him along. We saw something similar in s11 re: his visions he believed were from God, which turned out to be Lucifer. He has a willingness to believe in goodness, which is great, but he was CONVINCED that Dean was “weak” and only he was strong enough, and I think that was a BIG part of how Ruby manipulated him, giving him a sense of control and a conviction that he was in the right that he’d never had before.)

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel Season 14: A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 14 Summary Analysis

Cas is in a tailspin after losing Dean to Michael’s possession, and he resorts to seeking help from a demon. Cas is determined to find a way to stop Michael without killing Dean. After Dean becomes himself again, he and Cas resume their affectionate domestic behavior toward one another, along with their co-parenthood of Jack. Cas and Dean comfort each other when Jack dies, and they work together (with Sam) to bring him back. When Michael possesses Dean a second time, Cas and Sam do whatever they can to save Dean, and Cas continues to worry about Dean while Michael is trapped inside his mind. Dean becomes resigned and self-destructive after Billie (aka Death) talks to him about his fate, and he pushes Cas and Sam away. After Jack kills Mary, Dean cannot forgive Cas for hiding Jack’s mental state from him. Dean is determined to stop soulless Jack by any means necessary, but Cas still wants to save Jack, and this conflict drives a rift between the two of them. In the end, Dean can’t bring himself to kill Jack because he still considers him to be family.

My interpretation: When Dean decides to lock himself inside the Ma’lak box, Cas gets angry at him for giving up and for not talking it through with him. Cas canot bear to think of Dean trapped in an eternal torment with Michael, and he’s hurt that Dean is willing to put himself in that situation without even saying goodbye. After Jack dies and is resurrected, Castiel’s top priority shifts from Dean’s safety to Jack‘s, partly because he knows that he will most likely outlive Dean, whereas Jack could live much longer and have a more lasting impact on the world. Even after Jack kills Mary, Cas continues to be protective of Jack, and it wounds him to see Dean so fervently vengeful toward their fostered son. Sam recognizes the rift that has appeared between Cas and Dean, and he stops Cas from moving to comfort Dean at Mary’s funeral because he knows it would cause a fight. Cas has difficulty reconciling his love for Dean with Dean’s violent attitude toward Jack. Cas feels like he has to choose between Dean and Jack, and he ultimately chooses Jack. Dean’s repeated traumatic experiences with mind control harden him and make him emotionally distant from everyone, and this is only made worse when Mary is killed. Dean sees soulless Jack as a monster, and he takes it as a personal insult that Cas would defend Jack. Dean blames Cas for Jack’s actions because he’s desperate to find a scapegoat for his pent-up frustrations and repressed trauma.

14.01 Stranger in a Strange Land

Cas is so desperate to find Dean that he seeks information from a demon named Kipling.

Kipling makes a joke about Castiel’s relationship with Dean: “I’m sorry, did you just say that you lost a Winchester? Because one, that’s interesting, and two, how is it that you lost Dean? I thought the two of you were joined at the... you know, everything.”

Sam and Jack both express doubt that they’ll be able to save Dean, but Cas remains steadfast and faithful: “We are going to find Dean, and we are going to beat Michael, and we’re going to do it together. Because that’s what we do.”

14.02 Gods and Monsters

Cas references a phrase that Dean has used with him in the past: “I had myself. Just the basic me, as, uh... as Dean would say, ‘without all the bells and whistles.’”

Cas demonstrates his wholistic understanding of the human perspective when talking about Jimmy Novak: “You know, in all my thousands of years, what happened to Jimmy Novak and his family, it’s my greatest regret.”

When Jack inquires about killing Michael, Cas insists on the importance of saving Dean: “Did they find Michael?” “Yeah, they think so.” “So they’re gonna try and kill him?” “Uh, no. No, the plan is to subdue him using angel cuffs and spell work. They have to get Michael out of Dean.” “And if he doesn’t leave?” “Then they’ll try to drive him out.” “And if that doesn’t work?” “Jack...” “Cas, Michael has to be stopped.” “I know, and he WILL be, after Dean is...” “No, Dean doesn’t matter. You’re all so focused on trying to saving Dean. And I get it, I understand, but if he can’t be saved, if it comes down to him or Michael, Michael has to be stopped—caged or killed.” “And if that means that Dean dies, too?!” “Then Dean dies. I know this Michael. I’ve seen what he’s done to an entire world, and so have you. If stopping that from happening here means that Dean has to die, then... Do you think he’d want it any other way?”

14.03 The Scar

Cas is so damn happy to see that Dean is back safe (the music swells when they first see each other): “Sorry, I wanted to be there, but we figured that Michael would sense my presence, so...” “Sam told me. Ain’t no thing.”

Cas continues to worry about Dean and asks Sam how he really is: “Dean... how is he really?” “I don’t know.” “Why would Michael just give up his vessel like that?” “I don’t know.”

Dean exhibits the high level of trust he has in Cas to be willing to let him inside his head: “So, Cas, I’m gonna need you to, uh, get in my head. You know, do the whole Vulcan mind meld thing. ‘Cause if I can’t remember what happened, I need you to drag it out of me, okay?”

When Dean hurts Jack’s feelings (“You’re barely 100 pounds soaking wet”), Cas gives him a scolding look, which clues Dean in on his transgression.

When a girl asks Jack if Cas is is his dad he says, “One of them, yes.”

14.07 Unhuman Nature

While talking with Sam, Cas acknowledges that they’re all co-fathers to Jack: “You know, he’s [Dean] lost people, we’ve all lost people, but, um...” “This feels different. Losing, um... a son, feels different.”

14.08 Byzantium

Dean leaves the room while Jack is dying and Cas goes after him to remind him that Jack needs him there: “What? It’s not fair? I know that. But he needs you.”

After Jack dies, the boys hang out and get drunk together. Cas stays up with Dean longer than Sam.

When Dean wakes up with a hangover and is tactlessly blunt to Lily, Cas is visibly amused.

Cas asks Jack not to tell Sam and Dean about his deal with The Empty because he doesn’t “want them to worry.”

14.09 The Spear

Cas explains to Jack that they should have plenty of time together before The Empty takes him: “You know, The Empty said that it wouldn’t come for me until I had finally given myself permission to be happy, but with everything we have going on, with Michael still out there, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. This life may be a lot of things, but it’s rarely happy.”

Cas points out Dean’s good mood, noticing his behavior is out of the ordinary: “You seem good lately. Happy, even. We have a broken tape deck, we drove this whole way without music, and you did not complain once.” “You know, I guess I’m just fired up. I mean look, we got Jack back. When was the last time we had a big, no-strings-attached win like that?” Cas is visibly uneasy about keeping his deal with The Empty from Dean, but he doesn’t want to dash Dean’s high spirits.

14.10 Nihilism

While talking to Michael, Cas demonstrates his understanding of the value of vulnerability: “You’re confusing loyalty and compassion with weakness.”

Cas shows concern for Dean while he and Sam are in Dean’s mind: “So much trauma in Dean’s mind. So many scars.”

Sam and Cas use their knowledge of Dean to know that that they need to look for him in his good memories: “If Michael wanted to keep Dean placated...” “Dean thrives on trauma. I mean, he’s had to his whole life, right? It keeps him alert, keeps him ready, but if I wanted to distract Dean, I’d give him something he’s never had before.” “Contentment.” “Exactly.”

Michael mocks Dean’s relationship with Cas to throw him off: “You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he ‘gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition,’ or whatever. But since then, what has he done? Only made mistakes, one after the other.”

14.12 Prophet and Loss

After failing to talk Dean out of shutting himself in the Ma’lak box, Sam calls Cas for help. Cas is doing everything he can to figure out a way to save Dean, and even offers to try talking to Dean himself: “Sam, maybe if I spoke with Dean...” “It wouldn’t matter, believe me. I’ve never seen him like this. He won’t listen to me. He just... no. If we don’t find some way, Dean’s gone.”

Cas is excited to hear Dean’s voice when Dean calls him, and he tries to convince Dean not to go through with his plan: “Dean! It’s so good to hear from you.” “Okay. Well, good. Uh, listen, Cas, uh, Sam and I are workin’ this case...” “You’re working a case. That is so good to hear. So I assume that means you’re not going through with it, because I have to say, Dean, this plan of yours, it was born of desperation, not reason.” “My plan.” “I know that I’m not supposed to know what I know, but...” “Look, I’m fine with my plan, okay? We can talk about my plan later.” “Dean, you are making a terrible mistake. ... We need to have a conversation.” “Look, I really gotta handle this right now, okay? So thank you, and uh, it’s good to hear your voice.”

Cas calls Dean out for being dismissive and self-destructive: “What happened to him [Donatello], that was my fault. It was necessary, but doesn’t mean I don’t regret it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that there could’ve been another way.” “I know the feeling.” “Oh, no. No, please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just stop!” “Okay. Alright, why don’t we talk about that later?” “Because according to your plan, there won’t be a later.” “Cas, if you were a friend of mine, then you will understand that I have to do this, and you won’t try to stop me. You think this is easy on me? It has to be done.” “So then, this is goodbye?”

Cas is frustrated that Dean has given up: “Dean, if there’s a spark, a hope, then I have to try. YOU taught me that.”

14.14 Ouroboros

Cas recognizes Dean’s struggle and genuinely wants to know how he is doing. Dean opens up about his experience: “Hey, Dean?” “I’m fine.” “What you’re doing, even just sitting here and having a cup of coffee, is a Herculean feat. I can’t imagine the willpower it’s taking to keep Michael imprisoned. Are you really fine?” “I don’t know, Cas. But that’s what I’m supposed to say, right? ‘I’m fine,’ keep on movin’? It’s what we all say.” “No, Dean.” “Okay. There’s this pounding in my head. It never stops. Michael’s in there, and he is fighting hard to get out. And I can’t let my guard down, not for a second. I’m barely even sleeping.” “Well, that’s not sustainable.” “No, no. It’s probably not, but no point in complainin’ about it. It’s on me.” “No, it’s on US. We are here to help you.” “I know. I know that, and I appreciate that, I do. Look, before the kid gets back... I know I agreed to give you guys time.” “Hey, Dean, and we will find a solution.” “Okay, but if... if you don’t, we still have plan B.” “Dean, come on.” “Coffin. Ocean. Done.”

Cas gives Dean a scolding look when Dean blows off his concern.

When Jack asks what A.V. Club means, Dean teases Cas about being an A.V. Club member.

Dean makes a joke about Castiel’s sex appeal: “Somehow he knows you, but you’re not standing alone. Why doesn’t he mention me?” “Maybe you’re not his type.”

While talking with Jack, Cas exhibits the deep respect and affection he has for Dean and Sam, and for humanity: “You know, Sam and Dean, they’re human, and they’re very extraordinary, brave, special humans, but they’re still humans. And humans burn bright, but for a very brief time, compared to, you know, things like us. And eventually, they’re gone, even the very best ones, and we have to carry on. It’s just... it’s part of growing up.” “Losing people?” “Yes.” “What’s the point?” “The point?” “What’s the point of being a cosmic being if everyone I care about is just gonna leave?” “The point is that they were here at all, and you got to know them, you... when they’re gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them.” “That sounds awful.” “It is, but it’s also living. So when Dean wakes up—and he will wake up—we just have to remember to appreciate the time that we all have together now.”

To prevent Jack from burning off more of his soul, Cas convinces Jack not to use his powers to heal Dean.

14.15 Peace of Mind

Case and Dean bicker in the kitchen about their son, like an old married couple: “You were right. Jack is struggling. And I’ve tried, but...” “Why do you think he’ll talk to me?” “Well, because he looks up to you. And his soul... I mean, you’ve seen this before.” “No, no. No, see, I was not great with Sam, you know, when he was, uh...” “But Jack’s soul isn’t completely gone, at least I don’t think so. We just don’t know how much is left.” “Well, how am I supposed to figure that out?” “I don’t know! Just talk to him. Get him to open up. And then, sleep until the cows come home.”

14.18 Absence

In a flashback, Cas demonstrates his concern for Dean and Sam while talking with Mary, and she recognizes his protective presence: “I know you know this, Mary, but, um, Sam and Dean, they’re glad to have you back. Whatever you still have to deal with and however long it takes, you should know they’re happy. Finally they don’t have to be so, um... so alone.” “Castiel, they were never alone.”

Dean is angry at Cas for not telling him and Sam about Jack: “We don’t know what happened, but I swear, if he did something to her, if she is... then you’re dead to me.” “Dean.” “No, he knew. He knew something was wrong with the kid. He knew it! And he didn’t tell us! He didn’t even tell us!”

Cas is ashamed of his lack of foresight, and Dean is not willing to forgive him this time: “I was scared. I believed in Jack for so long, I... I believed that he was good. I knew that he would be good for the world, and he was good for US. My faith in him, it never wavered, and then I saw what he did. It wasn’t malice, it wasn’t evil. It was like Jack saw a problem, and in his mind, he just solved it with that snake. What he did wasn’t bad. It was the absence of good, and I saw that in him. But we were a family, and I didn’t want to lose that, so I thought I could fix it on my own, felt like it was my responsibility. So I left, and I didn’t tell you. If I could go back and just talk to him right then and there, I would. But I can’t, Dean. I failed you. And I failed Jack. And I failed...” “No, no. Don’t even say it. Don’t even say her name.”

At Mary’s funeral pyre, Cas moves toward Dean to comfort him, but Sam stops him and shakes his head. Cas stays where he is, looking forlorn.

14.19 Jack in the Box

After Mary’s funeral, Dean goes off on his own to cry in the woods.

When Dumah threatens to end the happiness of Mary and John Winchester in Heaven, Cas doesn’t hesitate to kill her immediately.

When Cas finds out Dean and Sam locked Jack in the Ma’lak box, he gets angry and refuses to go along with it. He argues about it with Dean: “Even after hearing what I said, you wanna keep Jack sealed in a living death?” “He agreed to it. Because deep down I think he knows it’s best.” “No. You’re doing what Dumah... you are manipulating him. What? You just wanna forget about him?” “I wish I could forget about him! After what he did? And you know what he can do. This is our only play.”

14.20 Moriah

After Jack escapes the Ma’lak box, Cas is still angry about the Winchesters’ manipulation, and he and Dean continue fighting about Jack: “You should never have tried to lock him away.” “You know what? You’re right. I never wanted to put him in that damn box. I wanted him dead.” “Dean!” “He’s dangerous, Cas, and you knew it! You’ve known it for a long time! But that’s okay. You know why? Because me and Sam, we’ve killed just about everything there is. And this, Jack, oh we’ll find a way, because he’s just another monster.” “You don’t mean that.” “The hell I don’t.” Cas walks away furious.

While talking with Chuck, Cas remains determined to save Jack, and Dean continues to push back against Castiel’s optimism: “Stop, Cas. You heard him. This is the only way.” “And Billie said the only way to defeat Michael, was to lock YOU in a box. There has to be another way.” “Well, there’s not. Now, I know you don’t like it, and I don’t really care. ‘Cause you just heard it from God himself that this is the only thing that can kill Jack, so either get on board or walk away.” Cas walks away.

Dean approaches Jack to kill him, but can’t bring himself to pull the trigger.

Cas is distraught after Chuck kills Jack, but he is able to compose himself in order to fight the monster horde with Dean and Sam.

[lambmotifz]

You always have such good takes on Wincest. Could you write your thoughts whether you think Dean would ever rape Sam? And why?

generally speaking, rape is about degradation and control. truth be told, i don’t think we can say no to that question. it’s very much blatant canon that sam’s consent isn’t the first thing on dean’s mind when it comes to seeking control over him he desperately craves, or keeping him alive, or punishing him. he locks sam up to “fix” him. he degrades him verbally and physically during the demon blood addiction era, and wants to punish him after. bearing that in mind, make their dynamic sexual and i think the answer becomes obvious. you don’t have to dig deep to understand it because canon couldn’t be more unsubtle about dean’s obsessive love and the way he sees sam (as something that belongs only to him) and the lengths he’s willing to go to keep his control over him. this is exactly what makes him different from sam. sam loves dean and needs him but he’s not possessive or obsessive on dean’s level. he said it himself: “i guess i’m not that smart” when dean told him tables turned, he would (and has) let sam rot in the panic room. dean’s obsession is violent and all consuming and he can’t control himself when it comes to sam. he will always need to have him all for himself and sam be his pure, submissive little brother forever, his sammy. as much as he wants to protect sam, these particular urges towards him are ones he can’t seem to control

[minalous]

cave me in || 5

pairing: bts x reader x Dean

description/warnings: supernatural!au, possessive behaviour, kidnapping

genre: fluff | smut | angst

words: 2.4k

cave me in: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

Lullabies could be heard outside of your room. The light that was coming from the outside world was too much for you at this time of the day. The withered roses were hanging as if desperate to reach for the slightest of light coming through the window shades, no water left to quench their thirst. Neither was there any blood to satisfy yours. 

Unwillingly you forced your body to get dragged through the room and immediately into the bathroom of your hotel room. You had to identify where you were at the time, who you were with, what you had done again, to remember how much fun you had.

The numerous of bodies stacked inside the bathtub made a smile creep on your face but the bodies scattered on the floor, the blood that covered artistically the walls within the room filled you up with such pleasant satisfaction.

The game of hide and seek with your victims always had an ending you could not deny you took pleasure in, watching so many emotions change into their eyes; agony, wonder, lust, betrayal, fear, horror.. death.

Even though it would happen every single night or every other day, you never got through the pleasure it indulged you in, how good it made you feel to know you were the one to take their last breath away, to see the light into their eyes fade away.  At first it embarrassed you how much it affected you to kill, the wetness you felt between your legs, the orgasm it offered you when you had your first kill.

Your primal instincts asked you to kill more, to feel it again. Undeniably you did it again, the warm blood running down your throat, warming your ice cold body, crimson red rivers running between the valleys of yours breasts and oh were you the most delightful play for him to see. 

He always loved to see you toy around with your victims, especially on your first kills. He loved how you flinched around when your lips touched for the first time their necks, when you had the very first few drops of blood touch your tongue. He said it was the most erotic scene that would play in front of his eyes.

Never did he deny you of anything, victim after victim he would follow you to see you act it out; the character you had for them, that one of the helpless romantic and shy girl.

Men of that time fell in love with shy girls so that is what you offered them. This is how he became your begetter, your maker, your god. Through your eyes he saw the opportunity of having a chance to wreck the minds of men he despised, men who did not deserve to live among his world.

Without coercion you followed him, your steps fitting so well in his path, his thoughts and perspective matched perfectly with your twisted mind. You never knew how disturbed your mind was till you met him.

Dean.. Only by the sound of his name you got hooked. Kwon Hyuk was his Korean name but now living in Japan he wanted to change it and stay unknown, something that was relatively hard because of his looks.

Whenever you stared into his eyes, his intoxicating dark eyes, it felt as if you were floating in a swimming pool and when you heard him talking, whispering to you stories from different eras of his life, it felt as if the ocean came to hug you, nature’s beautiful wet kiss.

This is what he meant to you, a beautiful creature, a man who walked into your life with an offer of eternal life, a promise to turn you into an ethereal being that would never feel pain or loneliness. A beautiful lie.

The fever of hunger and maniac hunting was never ending, no mercy on your soul; you did not know if you had a soul anymore but the craving you had was ruthless. It consumed you whole, sometimes in pieces. Day by day you felt the need to stop this unending desire by murdering whole families in your path. 

Blood, more blood. Hunger, endless hunger. 

You did not know how to make it stop, no solution to be found for your riddle.

“Dean, I still feel it. I still feel empty” 

You were in the verge of crying, you still somehow felt empty even though you have consumed much more blood than ever before. The cold floor under you knees felt comfortingly soothing for the feverishness on your hot skin.

Dean’s eyes scanned you, he was too wondering how after all those months you could not still learn how to control your thirst. Deep down inside he knew you could face problems because you were his first creation, a newborn siren in need of blood.

No matter how unknown the problems could be, there was no chance you needed more blood. You had consumed a whole town those couple of months. How much more lustful could you be than that?

That thought was that made Dean’s lips turn into a smirk. He knelt down to your level to look directly into your eyes.

“Where do you feel empty, love?”

Without hesitation you showed him right between your legs, Dean about to laugh but when he noticed your watery eyes he understood you were not joking. He forgot you two were hundreds of years apart, the slight chance of you knowing anything about anything perverted. And he was happy you were innocent in that part, a part of him that could never change would find salvation within you, inside the untouched part of your pure mind.

Dean dried away your tears, his thumb ever carefully swiping the teary corners of yours eyes, his soft, warm palm cupping your cheek and like a lost, lonely child you leaned on his hand and looked into the dark pool of his eyes.

“It will be gone in a few minutes. Do you want me to teach you how to ignore it and make it go away, love?”

You nodded and listened as if your life depended on it. Dean asked to always take deep breaths and think about the deep blue sky. It never helped in the beginning, made you think you were not doing it properly and it could end up killing you. As the time went by you got used to the feeling, ignoring it for most of the time until you learned to live with it.

Decades went by, you and Dean learned so much about each other, he taught you how to lure even the strongest minded people, how to trick them, how to make them bend to your will, how to lure them into their death, ways to get into their minds and thoughts even when they built walls to protect things from you. You learned how to infiltrate into anyone’s mind, Dean so proud that he trusted you with his life.

-

Dean had been away for a very long time and you awaited for him, desperate to have him back and learn about these other countries in Europe. You wore one of your prettiest dresses and sat down to the living room but the time went so slow that you eventually fell asleep.

A sudden noise woke you up, a voice in far distance alarmed you that somebody was inside the house; the only problem was that that somebody was not Dean. It was a woman’s voice. When you were ready to storm inside Dean’s chamber, you heard his voice whispering something and the woman moaning slightly.

Your first thought was that Dean must have brought home a gift for you, a woman to toy with. Your assumptions were wrong when you peaked through the half closed door.

The confusing image of Dean hovering over the woman, the woman looking wrecked but not in a bad way and him looking so different from any other time you had seen him. You could see him whispering to her, now Dean sitting on the edge of the bed and the woman on his lap, moving on top of him so furiously. 

In a weird way, you felt so enchanted, the emptiness you had been feeling for so long was about to burst. The longer you looked at his face, the more you wanted to be that woman. His face was what people would call love. Everything you dreamed of.

The noises the woman was making, low, soft moans, whimpers, how her body was so close to his, how it would feel to have Dean move under you. You could not see his face clearly now because of the darkness in the room but his low grunts sounded heavenly.

For a moment you thought of staying a little bit more there, to see what else would happen but your knees became weak and something felt strange. You quickly ran back to the living room, hopeful you were not caught by Dean. After a few minutes you fell asleep again on the sofa, the fireplace keeping you warm from the cold, the memory of Dean’s face haunting your dreams.

-

The next couple of weeks went by but still your curious self would not let go of what was the thing that Dean was doing with that woman. You felt rebellious, your talents may come handy at last, a decision of sneaking into Dean’s chambers after you poured up too much alcohol into his daily drink.

You carefully sat on top of him, your hands on each side of his head, eyes closed as you started wondering inside of his mind. The images you saw creeping inside his mind was not what you expected or wanted to see. 

You tried focusing on the moments you saw the girl on top of him, the feeling of that lustful sensation, how erotic and divine it felt. When you were about to focus all of your senses to that scene, the big tree came back right before your eyes and a small girl, only a few years younger than you, was about to get bitten by someone who looked like the demons Dean talked you about in one of his long stories.

Dean was screaming, the little girl now laying dead, soulless under the big tree, surrounded by other people, the demons now disappearing into thin air with a look of pure satisfaction. You could feel Dean’s deep pain when he knelt over the girl’s body.

He was heartbroken; his hand reached out to touch the little girl’s body and all you felt was pure innocence. The words that Dean used to keep describing you as. A killer by instinct but a pure innocent heart. The same as lions. They only kill because they need to feed. They are not evil.

And with that last thought, Dean woke up. Nothing evil into his eyes, no anger regardless of your actions- the one thing you saw was wonder. Before he could speak, you answered to his question.

“I only wanted to know what you did with that lady in your chambers. That night you came back from your trip in Europe, you came back with a lady and you did something. You seemed so excited and happy. And that lady too. I want to make you feel the same” you said in a trembling voice, your eyes never leaving his. “Please. You promised no secrets.”

With one quick move you found yourself under him, one hand on the headboard while with the other he caressed your cheek with his fingertips. He had touched you so many times but it never felt like that. His touch was light like feather but it felt so warm, you felt so small under his touch. 

Once again you felt feverish, hungry, empty.

“Tell me what you want, love” His voice covered in lace, eyes burning on my skin

“I do not want to feel empty anymore. I need you to make me feel complete.” you almost purred in soft voice

Dean leaned down with eyes half closed, his soft lips touching yours in an attempt to kiss you but you were shivering under him. 

“Relax, love.” he whispered to you.

And that you did.

He started kissing you again, every kiss having you melt into his hands, every touch reaching closer to the emptiness you felt. 

“My soul will always belong with you. You are my love. But if they find out about you, it will all be gone. Let me have you for tonight and I will let you go tomorrow..”

Dean undressed you so carefully with his eyes piercing every part of you that was naked before him, fingers exploring all of you, both of you naked on his bed. 

“Look at me. Look into my eyes” he asked you

With no warning you felt him inside you but you had no regrets, this is what you asked for even if it hurt for a little while. 

And for the first time you felt so loved, so complete, so alive. And while he kept touching you, you were more and more sure he loved you. So much, so deep.

And that was the first time you heard him saying something you never heard him saying before.

“Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours” 

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel Season 11: A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 11 Summary Analysis

Cas experiences intense PTSD after being brutally beaten by Dean (who was influenced by the Mark of Cain) and after brutally beating up Dean (while under Rowena’s spell). Dean feels more and more drawn to Amara over the course of the season, and it makes him uncomfortable. Cas lets Lucifer possess him in a last-ditch effort to help defeat Amara. Dean tries to save Cas from Lucifer’s possession but fails, and he obsessively searches for him when he’s taken by Amara. Dean is relieved when Castiel resurfaces and tells Cas he’s the best friend he’s ever had.

My interpretation: Dean feels intense guilt for brutally attacking Cas at the end of the previous season, and Cas feels the same guilt after beating up Dean while spellbound. Cas feels useless while he’s paralyzed by PTSD, and he lets Lucifer possess him out of a sense of desperation to be helpful—he sees self-sacrifice as the best option because he can’t face the possibility of hurting Dean again. Dean is incredulous that Cas would let Lucifer posses him willingly—at first, he can’t believe it because he believes so staunchly in Castiel’s goodness. Dean tries hard to save Cas from Lucifer’s possession because he can’t stand seeing the man he cares for behaving like the Devil, and he‘s not willing to risk Castiel’s life for the greater good. Dean’s attraction to Amara freaks him out, partially because he doesn’t want it to interfere with his closeness to Cas. Experiencing Castiel’s absence for an extended period of time helps Dean see how much he values Castiel’s company, and he feels bad for not being there for Cas earlier in the season when he was struggling with trauma. Dean makes sure to tell Cas how he feels after Lucifer is expelled from him. Cas is touched by Dean’s sentiment, knowing how rare it is for Dean to let others get close to him. Cas appreciates Dean calling him a friend and brother, knowing that brotherhood is the highest compliment Dean can give to someone. As Dean is gearing up to sacrifice himself to defeat Amara, Cas is distraught and does not want to leave Dean’s side.

11.01 Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire

When Cas calls Dean, he urgently wants to know whether the Mark of Cain has been removed from Dean.

11.02 Form and Void

Castiel’s angel torturers recognize his consistent prioritization of the Winchesters over heaven: “What are you?” “What? I’m an angel of the Lord.” “That so? ‘Cause near as I can tell, when you have to choose between heaven and the Winchesters, you choose them. Every time.”

Cas refuses to give Sam and Dean up to the angels, even to Hannah.

11.03 The Bad Seed

Dean and Sam try everything they can to find Rowena to help cure the spell she put on Cas.

When Sam insults Castiel’s car, he’s offended. Dean tries to make him feel better: “You think it’s crappy?” “Eye of the beholder.”

After Cas feints, Dean puts him back in his chair and wraps him in a blanket.

Dean is able to help Cas resist his compulsion to kill a someone while under Rowena’s spell.

Cas starts seizing when Rowena lifts the spell, and Dean cradles Castiel’s head in his hands.

Cas apologizes to Dean for beating him up while under the spell: “Dean, I... there aren’t words.” “You’re right. There aren’t words, Cas, ‘cause there’s no need. You were under a spell. It’s fine.”

Dean declines Castiel’s offer to heal him because he feels bad for beating up Cas while under the Mark of Cain’s influence: “Dean, I can fix that.” “No, no no, it’s fine, Cas. Besides, I had it comin’.”

11.04 Baby

Sam asks Dean if he ever wishes he could have something more meaningful than a one night stand: “You don’t ever want something more?” “I’m sorry, have you met us? We’re battin’ a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs.” “You don’t ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever, but something? You know, with a hunter, somebody who understands the life?” “Have you not heard a single word Bob’s been singin’ about?“

11.06 Our Little World

Dean tries to keep Cas out of the hunting scene out of sense of protectiveness: “Oh, what? You think he’s ready? He’s had a pretty rough go of it lately.” “Which one of us hasn’t? Seems insane to leave our one and only angel friend on the bench.”

Dean shows concern for Castiel’s mental health when he finds out he’s been binge-watching tv: “You sound weird, okay? Bad weird. Now, I’ve been down that road before. I’ve heard the siren song from the idiot box, and I’m tellin’ you, whatever you’re lookin’ for, you won’t find it in there. So do me a favor—turn off the tv, go outside and get some air. We’re in the dark here, pal. I need you back in the game, okay?”

Castiel tries to follow Dean’s advice to get out of the bunker, but he can’t bring himself to do it because he’s traumatized by the violence and mind control he’s experienced recently. The two most prominent flashbacks he has are of him beating up Dean while spellbound and Dean beating him up when he had the Mark of Cain.

Sam jokes about Dean’s relationship with Crowley: “Oh, right. I keep forgetting about you and Crowley’s summer of love.”

Metatron recognizes Castiel’s trauma: “You have gone full wuss. Now, I dunno what it was that happened, but whatever it was, you are scarred deep, paralyzed by trauma, by fear. I mean, look at you. You can’t even hit me.”

Crowley brings up the closeness that occurred between him and Dean the previous season: “Do you know how disturbing it was to realize that I couldn’t bring myself to kill you? I’ve had tons of chances over the years, some you don’t even know about, but still, I made my peace with it, embraced my softer side, learned to accept that there was just too much going on between you and I—bromance.”

Dean lies about not killing Amara, and Cas looks skeptical about the truth of his claim: “You said you were close. Dean, how’d she get away?” “I’m sorry, what part of ‘God’s freakin’ sister’ did you not understand? She overpowered me. End of story.”

11.08 Just My Imagination

The flamboyance and expressiveness of the Zanna make Dean very uncomfortable. He has difficulty taking them seriously at first, but he later tells Sully that he and his kind are a “good weird.”

11.09 O Brother Where Art Thou?

Amara kisses Dean, and he kisses her back. Then he pulls back suddenly, weirded out by it. Amara says the two of them are “bonded” and that they belong together, but Dean rejects the idea.

11.10 The Devil in the Details

Cas gets up in Dean‘s grill to diagnose his smiting sickness, but Dean pushes him away when he offers to take Dean’s temperature with his finger.

Amara recognizes Castiel’s lingering trauma: “You think I’m afraid to die?” “I know you are. You reek of fear and self-loathing.”

Lucifer is on the verge of killing Dean, but Cas tackles him before he can. He then lets Lucifer possess him.

Dean checks on Cas after they leave hell to make sure he’s alright.

11.11 Into the Mystic

Dean confides in Cas (Lucifer) about his failure to kill Amara. Casifer asks Dean if he’s drawn to Amara out of attraction, and Dean admits to it: “I know, okay? Whatever it is—attraction, connection—I gotta tell ya, man, it scares me. I don’t know that I can stop it. I don’t know that I can resist it.”

While Lucifer is posing as Cas, he performs a high level of affection toward Dean.

Dean notices that there’s “something off” about Cas, but Sam doesn’t pick up on it.

Dean feels so disturbed about his feelings toward Amara that he can’t sleep.

11.13 Love Hurts

Dean is cursed with being hunted by a qareen who takes the form of its victim’s deepest darkest desire, and for Dean, it takes the form of Amara.

Sam helps Dean understand that he doesn’t have to feel guilty about his attraction: “It was Amara.” “That surprise you?” “That doesn’t surprise you?” “Honestly?” “Honestly. What, you seriously think the sister of God is my deepest, darkest desire?” “She isn’t?” “No! She can’t be.” “Why not?” “Why? Because if she was, then that means I’m...” “Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?” “For starters, yeah.” “Dean, do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She’s the sister of God, and for some reason, she picked you, and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you, I’m not.”

11.14 The Vessel

When Lucifer threatens to kill Sam, Cas resists his control, but he won’t eject Lucifer because they need him to bring Dean back from the past.

Dean refuses to believe that Cas would willingly let Lucifer possess him, even though Sam does: “Lucifer may be in control now, but Cas may not come back willingly. I mean, he chose it.” “No. No, not possible.”

11.15 Beyond the Mat

Dean is adamant about saving Cas from Lucifer, even though Sam isn’t convinced that’s what he wants: “...if he wants to be saved.” “He does. Even if he doesn’t know it yet.”

Dean feels extra “burnt” after finding out Lucifer is possessing Cas, so he takes Sam to a wrestling event.

Dean is disturbed by seeing a childhood icon sell his soul, and he doubles down on his determination to save Cas and win the day: “Dean, you know what? He made a bad decision. We’ve been there.” “Yeah. Yeah, you, me, now Cas.” “Dean, we’ll get him back. We will. We just gotta...” “Keep grindin’. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it gets, you gotta keep grindin’.” “Right.” “And that’s how we’re gonna win. And we’re gonna win. We’re gonna save Cas, we’re gonna ice the devil, and we’re gonna shank the darkness. And anyone that gets in our way, well, God help ‘em.”

11.17 Red Meat

When Sam presents a case possibility and Dean doesn’t want to go, Sam recognizes that Dean is obsessing over finding a way to save Cas: “We’ll get him back.” “How?” “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out. Meantime, we gotta get outta here, clear our heads. This is a case. Let’s do what we do. Let’s work it.”

11.18 Hell’s Angel

Dean prioritizes Castiel’s safety when planning to take down Amara, but Sam disagrees with him: “Priority is to put the Horn in Lucifer’s hands and set him loose on Amara.” “After we exorcise Lucifer out of Cas and put him into a new vessel.” “What? Really?” “Yes, really. I’m not gonna send Lucifer into battle inside Cas. What if he doesn’t make it?” “Dean, it’s a strong vessel. It’s held Cas for years, and we know what he’s been through. I’m guessing it can hold Lucifer.” “It? It’s not an ‘it’, Sam. It’s Cas.” “And Cas wanted to do this.” “Yeah, well, there’s times I want to get slapped during sex by a girl wearin’ a Zorro mask. That don’t make it a good idea.” “Dean, this is exactly how we screw ourselves. We make the heart choice instead of the smart choice.” “Oh, okay. Thank you, Dr. Phil. Cas is family.” “Yes, and his choice deserves to be respected.” “Even if it kills him?”

Dean is distraught after failing his attempt to talk to Cas without Lucifer hearing. Dean is taken aback when Lucifer mocks him for yelling out for Cas.

When Crowley enters Castiel’s mind to convince him to expel Lucifer, Cas is only willing to consider it after realizing it’s what Dean wants: “Wait, that was Dean I saw a minute ago, wasn’t it?” “Yes.” “And he wants me to expel Lucifer?” “Yes!” “Well, he may have a more objective view of the situation. Maybe I should.”

Even after realizing that they can’t get Lucifer out of Cas, Dean still calls out to him before Amara leaves with Lucifer.

11.19 The Chitters

Sam is concerned about Dean losing sleep during his obsessive search to find Cas: “Dean, we’ll find Cas, okay? He’s stronger than he looks.” “You know, we gambled with Cas, and now Amara has him.” “For a reason, which means he’s still alive.” “I’ve been with Amara. Her beef is with the big guys—with God, with Lucifer. The small fries, even an angel like Cas, doesn’t even register. And if it meant hurting Lucifer, killing Cas would mean nothing to her.”

When Dean finds out the two hunters they’ve met are a romantic couple, he takes an interest: “What’s it like settling down with a hunter?” “Smelly, dirty. Twice the worrying about getting ganked.”

Dean is tempted to ask the couple to help them find Cas and defeat Amara, but he doesn’t have the heart to pull them out of retirement: “Two hunters who make it to the finish line?” “Yeah, you leave that alone.”

11.21 We Happy Few

Dean continues to worry about Cas while the gang is gearing up to take on Amara: “...After that, it’s Lucifer’s turn. Physical attack, one on one.” “What about Cas?” “Oh, don’t worry. Your pet’s safety is my highest concern. Trust me, he’s on board.”

11.22 Alpha and Omega

As soon as Amara leaves, Dean goes to check on Cas, and he’s relieved to see that Cas is himself again.

Dean recognizes Castiel’s distress and tries to make him feel better by telling him how much he values him: “How you doin’? Good? I mean, you know, the whole Lucifer thing...” “I was just SO stupid.” “No, no, no. It wasn’t stupid. You were right. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun. Me and Sam wouldn’t have done that.” ��Well, it didn’t work.” “No, but it was our best shot, and you stepped up.” “I WAS just trying to help.” “Well, and you DO help, Cas. You know, sometimes me and Sam have got so much goin’ on that we forget about everyone else.” “Well, you do live exciting lives.” “Yeah, that’s one word for it. But you’re always there, ya know? You’re the best friend we’ve ever had.” “You’re our brother, Cas. I want you to know that.” “Thank you.”

Cas is worried about Dean after Rowena puts the soul bomb inside of him: “Dean, are you okay? How do you feel?”

As Dean is getting ready to go sacrifice himself, Cas gives him a giant hug, and Dean hugs him back. Cas also offers to go with him. Dean demonstrates the trust he has in Cas by asking him to look out for Sam. Cas agrees, and Dean thanks him “for everything.”

Dean tries to be macho, but Sam calls bullshit on him: “No chick flick moments, come on.” “Yeah, you love chick flicks.” “Yeah, you’re right. I do. Come here.”

When the gang sees the sun getting brighter, Castiel’s first thought is whether Dean survived.

[onceuponanolicity]

Hello, everyone. I’m still out on vacation and I am loving it. It feels nice to get out and rest up. However, I had wanted to send this out to all of you as a Halloween gift before I left and I never had the chance. Today I did, so here it is. A special Halloween one-shot. I will be trying to have a Thanksgiving one for next month and a Christmas/Chanakuh one for December.

A Halloween one-shot. Halloween brings a lot of parties to college campuses. It also allows Oliver Queen to meet Gothic Felicity Smoak. Now they need to see if they can make it together despite all the differences between them. 

           College parties. Felicity hated them. Halloween parties were even worse. It gave everyone leave to hide behind their masks and act as inappropriately as possible.

           “Who are you, sweet cheeks?”

           Felicity turned to find a brilliant genius of a frat boy standing next to her. And she was being beyond sarcastic with that assessment. He was dressed as a Roman. Wow. She had never seen that before. Not. Felicity rolled her eyes at the concept that one of these boys might actually use their brain. “Elvira.”

           The guy made a motion to her chest. “Doesn’t she show more cleavage?”

           “That’s my mother,” Felicity deadpanned. Though it was true. It was her mother who tended to dress more provocatively.

           “Oh.” For a moment the guy looked crestfallen. She had ruined his dreams. Too bad. But, the guy quickly recovered and looked around for another potential target. “Is she at the party?”

           Felicity sighed. Obviously this guy was further gone than he seemed. Did he really think her mother would be here? Sure, Felicity was younger than some of the other college kids, but that did not mean that her mother would be here. Though, if given the chance, Donna Smoak, certainly would have been. Felicity lifted a hand and pointed off to the far corner of the frat house where a group of kids were chugging beer. “Yeah. Over there.”

           The guy scurried away in search of the elusive Elvira while Felicity leaned back against the wall wondering why she even came here. She knew why. Her roommate insisted Felicity go so she could make out with her boyfriend in their dorm room. Felicity could only hope that her roommate cleaned down the place afterwards. The boyfriend was skanky.

           “Are you snarky with everyone or just frat boys?”

           Felicity found another male who invaded what she claimed as her own personal space. She opened her mouth to cut him down but her usual quick mind faltered. Felicity stood there and stared at the blonde guy. He was dressed simply in tight fitting jeans and a plain white t-shirt. James Dean. Only a mask covered half his face. It was supposed to be a masquerade party after all. Not that Felicity paid any mind to it. She had only arrived in her usual clothes and without a mask. Felicity only wore a mask if her Halloween costume called for it and since she was sans costume that meant no mask at all.

           “Cat catch your tongue?” he asked as a smile formed on his lips, making dimples appear under the black mask. He leaned forward slightly invading even more of her space and winked. “Too bad. I wanted a chance.”

           Another guy came forward. Felicity sighed. Did she have a magnet or something on her?

           Instead the guy barely paid her a bit of attention. He slapped James Dean on the back. This new guy was dressed in red scrubs. He had dark hair and was no less handsome than the other one. “What’s up? I just got here.”

           “Tommy.” James Dean perked up considerably. He nudged the new guy and gave him a bro hug. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

           Tommy shrugged and smiled. That’s when his attention caught on Felicity. This smile was different. Charming in a way that was meant to get exactly what he wanted. “I’m Tommy Merlyn.”

           The way he said his name it was like it should mean something. It didn’t, but she shook his extended hand anyway. “Hi.”

           The two guys stared at her expectantly. They were probably waiting for her to give them her name. They would be waiting a long time. She wasn’t here to make friends. Not that it mattered. She hardly came over to this campus much. Felicity was much more at MIT nearby where she attended classes.

           James Dean nodded down at her before addressing his friend. “That’s Elvira Jr. Or so she told the last guy who dared approach her.”

           Tommy frowned slightly. “That makes Elvira a MILF. Not exactly how I wanted to picture her.”

           “Thanks for that mental image,” Felicity said with a grimace. “I’ll never be able to fill my mind enough to cover that up.”

           “A nerdy Goth.” Tommy said with an ever bigger smile. A genuine one. He nudged his friend. “Good luck with this one.” Tommy nodded off to the side, Tommy took a step in that direction to try to see something. “I’m going to go hit up Rainbow Brite over there and see if she wants to dance.”

           James Dean glanced over at where his friend’s interest lie. He frowned. “I don’t think that’s Rainbow Brite.”

           “Ding Ding,” Felicity said waving a finger in the air. “One for the frat boy dressed as James Dean.”

           His eyes shot over to her. They felt like they penetrated right through her. It was disturbing and yet there was something about that look that had her body reacting on a primal level. “What do I win?”

           Felicity swallowed hard. She wished the wall wasn’t right behind her because she wanted desperately to back away from him. Not that he scared her. It was more like overwhelmed her, especially with that laser focus that he seemed to possess. “I… uh…”  

          He stepped forward so she had no choice but to flatten herself against the wall to maintain some space. He didn’t even allow her that. He only moved closer so that their hips were touching with each small movement. A hair’s breadth separated their chests and their breath mingled.

           She noticed his had a touch of mint to it. He must have just had a mint or brushed his teeth recently. Surprising because he looked like a guy who would have come here to drink.

           He raised his hand and with a very light touch his fingers brushed over her cheek before sweeping her black hair over her shoulder. Even Cooper Seldon, who she dated a few times now, did not make her feel so totally consumed by a single touch. If she wasn’t careful, she’d combust soon.

           Meeting his eyes, Felicity saw that he seemed confused by the fact that he felt the same. The playfulness of his nature had disappeared. Blue flames licked within his eyes. He raised his hand and leaned against the wall pushing himself slightly away from her. She watched as he closed his eyes under the black mask and shuddering breath escaped him.

           Felicity had no idea what compelled her. She raised a hand to lay it on his chest. He was solid muscle under her fingers. She was pretty sure under that shirt was a six pack to end all other six packs. So, why the hell was a guy like this even talking to her? Was it a joke? A bet? That would explain the last guy. Which frat kid could get the Goth girl to drop her panties? And, damn, if they didn’t send in their ringer.

           When his eyes opened, the blue was barely a ring around the darkness of the depths hidden there. His head dipped down and Felicity pushed up on the combat boots she wore to meet him halfway. The guy kissed like an angel. The Devil was an angel, right? Because this guy was temptation personified. It wasn’t fair.

           The guy’s free hand met her waist, his fingers biting deep into the flesh under the layers of clothes she wore. Felicity was sure by the strength of his grip that it was the only thing keeping him under control. She wished she could gather some of her own.

           Only she did not have to. The kiss ended fast enough when he jerked his lips from hers.

           “Fuck,” she heard him whisper as his forehead pressed into her own.

           Their breaths labored together as they stood there. Felicity was the first to open her eyes. When he managed to do the same they stared at each other.

           It was in that moment a bubbly blonde popped up next to them. She tugged at the guy’s arm. The one that still clenched her hip tight. “Ollie. I totally have to introduce you to my friend.”

           “Ollie.” Felicity rolled the name off of her tongue. It fit him and yet it didn’t. “Oliver.” That was much better.

           By the way his eyes flared, he agreed. He looked desperate to kiss her again. The blonde had other plans. Oliver gave in to her tugs and straightened from his leaning pose over Felicity. However, their eyes never broke contact. Not even for a second. “I’m coming back.”

           It was a promise. Felicity felt it right down to her bones. Which was the exact reason why she ran the second he disappeared into the crowd with the blonde.

OQFSOQFSOQFS

           “I’m going to find her,” Oliver told Tommy almost a week later.

           “You ever think she doesn’t want to be found?” Tommy asked. “What other girl have you ever had to chase?”

           “I’m going to find her,” Oliver said much more forcefully. It was only a question of how and when. Oliver had not gone to bed one night and not woken up without thinking about the Goth girl he had encountered.

           When he spotted Gordon approaching her, Oliver had gone over to see how badly the guy would tank. He was always great for a good laugh, especially when he thought he was being slick with the ladies. Oliver had needed a laugh. He and his girlfriend had called it quits a week before and Oliver was ready to move on. After a year of fighting, Oliver knew it was time to finally say enough was enough. When his girlfriend had called that night and tried to ask him why now, before she had been too shocked to ask, he told her he did not want to hear from her again. It was in that moment, Oliver had decided to come to the Halloween party.

           Then Elvira Jr. entered his life and he had never laughed so hard. She had the perfect comebacks. He had wanted more and so he approached her. She was this bright light in his mundane world. Something completely different from what he was used to. That was what drew him to her, but that wasn’t what made him stay. No, that was something else entirely.

           She made him feel things he never had before. It was an instant chemistry that was undeniable. The entire party faded away when they were close. It was not even just sexual chemistry, though they had that in spades. It was something that Oliver had yet to define. It made him want so much more, not only from her but from himself.

           “You think she’ll show at the party tomorrow?” Tommy asked drawing Oliver out of his thoughts. The party Tommy referred to was being held by the largest sorority on campus. It was their yearly day before Halloween bash that gathered everyone together from their campus and MIT. It attracted students and faculty alike.

           “I don’t know.” Elvira Jr. barely looked like she had wanted to attend the last party. Another reason to wonder why she was there. And why she disappeared so quickly. Oliver had spent the rest of the night trying to figure out where she had gone.

           “Are you going over to that seminar over at MIT tonight? It’s extra credit for class. And you need it bad after skipping so many classes.” Tommy might be talking about school, but his mind was definitely not focused there. His eyes were trained directly on a buxom brunette who smiled and waved at him as she passed with a couple of friends.

           “Doubtful,” Oliver told him as he nodded at the trio. None of them interested him. He was fully focused on one girl right now. Plus, extra credit was not going to help him at this point. He was failing computer class whether he showed up or not, so what was the point?

           “I’m thinking, I’ll go.” Tommy shrugged. “Extra credit could be useful since I have a feeling I am going to fail the mid-term.” Tommy nudged Oliver and gave him a wicked grin. “Plus, one of those nerdy chicks there must be looking for some male company that isn’t spewing computer codes and Periodic Tables. I’m totally bored with Laurel gone.”

           Oliver sighed heavily. He was not in search of a nerdy girl. Oliver wanted one and only one, which was a little strange for him to be so focused. “Fine. I’ll come with you.”

           Tommy grinned harder and slapped him in the chest. “You won’t regret it.”

           Oliver could only hope that was true.

OQFSOQFSOQFS

           “Tell me again why I agreed to do this?” Felicity asked Professor Karen Smith as she rechecked the projector while the professor went over her notes. Everyone was supposed to arrive soon for the lecture and Felicity was ready to run. She hated being in front of people when she did not have to be.

           “Because you’re the best and I needed the best,” Professor Smith smiled over at Felicity. “Plus, it saves you from the monotony of your term paper.”

           “I guess.” Felicity finished with the projector and flopped into the other chair next to her mentor. She spun it in a circle before gazing out at the empty room. “Still… I guess it’s better than prepping for the Halloween party tomorrow over at the other campus, like my roommate wanted me to do.”

           “See. Bright spot,” the professor joked, pushing back some of her long auburn hair back from her face. “But, maybe you should go.”

           Felicity raised a finger to her mouth and opened it so she could put it in and make gagging noises. Karen laughed. She knew how much Felicity hated frats and sororities, let alone their inane parties. Raising her legs, Felicity plopped them up on top of the desk. She was fine until she leaned back. That’s when the chair decided to roll out from underneath her. Felicity squealed and her professor screamed.

           A pair of strong hands came out of nowhere and caught Felicity before she hurt her butt and lost her dignity. When she looked up, Felicity saw that the first was definitely true, but the second was debatable.

           “Felicity, are you okay?” Karen had already jumped out of her chair and gave her a once over in concern as Felicity came up on her feet.

           “I’m fine,” Felicity told her professor and Oliver as she straightened her clothes that had come askew at the grab. “You can let go now.”

           “I’m good,” Oliver told her with a huge grin on his face. His hands had yet to leave her waist and now with her shirt fixed, some of his fingers brushed over the bare skin that he had access to since the shirt was now over his hands. One of those fingers moved in a circular motion over her stomach, making her shiver. “Felicity.”

           Shit. He now knew her name. Wait. Karen just said it. He knew no more about her than what she knew about him. That was a good thing, right? Even footing. “What are you doing here?”

           “Same thing as you, probably.”

           Felicity shook him off and turned to narrow her eyes at him. “You’re helping to give a lecture on Programming Languages?”

           Oliver chuckled. It was a deep, rich sound that had Felicity’s toes curling in delight. Not that she would ever admit to that. Ever. “I might if I had any idea what you said.”

           Karen nudged Felicity and gave her a soft smile. “You know, I just realized I completely forgot my mouse in the car. I’ll be right back.”

           Felicity was confused. She glanced over her shoulder at the computer set up. The mouse was right there. Damn Karen and her matchmaking ways. She was the one who had introduced Felicity to Cooper Seldon, the guy Felicity was currently dating, in the first place.

           “We’re alone,” Oliver whispered for no reason. It drew Felicity’s attention back to him.

           “Doesn’t matter.” Felicity was about to pull out the professor’s chair to sit down and work on the laptop when she turned and faced Oliver again. There was no need for him to be there. She had half a mind to tell him that. “The lecture is starting soon. Why don’t you grab a seat? The back fills up pretty fast with all the other people who decide to come here to fall asleep.”

           Oliver crossed his arms and Felicity noticed the muscles that shifted with that movement. “I have no plans on falling asleep. Or sitting in the back.”

           “Suit yourself.” Felicity shrugged. What he did was of no interest to her. And, yes, she was completely lying to herself. Oliver was bound to be a distraction. The last thing she needed was to look out and find him in the crowd. Though, her speech teacher had said something about looking out into the crowd and picturing them naked. However, picturing Oliver naked might just have the opposite effect that she was going for. Her mouth watered at the thought.

           “I have every intention of sitting over there,” Oliver nodded off to one side, “and watching you.”

           Felicity was about to sit down and stumbled at this words. Frack. This time she caught herself, but he moved back by her side. Their gazes caught and Felicity froze. What the hell was it about this guy that shook her to her very core? “I… uh… I better check to make sure everything is plugged correctly.”

           She made her way away from him on heavy feet. It was like moving away from him defied some sort of gravitational pull. One that he didn’t deny because he followed her off to the side and grabbed her arm to stop her.

           “Go out with me.”

           It was not a demand or a request. Which is probably what led her to ask, “Tonight?”

           “Okay.” His grin split his face and made two deep dimples on his cheeks appear.

           “I didn’t… I mean I… It wasn’t supposed to be…” Felicity stumbled over every single sentence she tried to say to get out of this supposed date. He was beyond not her type and she was already seeing someone. Sure, there was no promise of exclusivity at this point, but Felicity was not the person who dated a bunch of guys at the same time. In fact, she never had the chance to even think about it before now. It was not like she was the most popular, or the prettiest, girl on campus.

           “Felicity,” he drew her name out, making her eyes rise to his. “Please.”

           There was something mesmerizing in the way he said her name, but the way he said please was even more compelling. Vampires had nothing on this guy. Hell, he could probably give them pointers. Especially as he slowly licked his lips and cocked his head expectantly to the side.

           “Please,” he repeated.

           It was that second request that had her nodding despite every reservation she had. He was a frat boy with absolutely no interest in what made her tick. Her computers. They were her lifeline for as long as she could remember. Even more so since her father had left when she was seven. It gave her a small link to a man she barely remembered. The first one who ever broke her heart and destroyed whatever trust she had in the male race.

           Oliver’s palms slid over her face, this thumb brushing briefly over her lips. His head lowered and it was like watching some cheesy romance flick, only she was the female lead. Oliver’s mouth brushed over hers in an imitation of a kiss before he looked her in the eyes. In those depths, Felicity saw the question that lingered there. Apparently, he found an answer within her own because his mouth clamped down on hers.

           Felicity began to shake at the intensity of the kiss. She had no choice but to wrap her arms around him just to remain upright. The kiss was all consuming making Felicity feel like she was on fire with a need that she did not know she could feel.

           Barely, Felicity registered the sounds of people coming into the hall. It seemed so far off. A throat clearing was much closer. As was Professor Smith’s chuckle. “Right. You keep doing that. I’ll start.”

           Felicity clenched onto Oliver’s shirt with every intention of telling him they had to stop. Only she used it to pull him even closer when he broke off slightly to take a precious breath. It was like no matter how much they needed to separate they couldn’t. God! She was turning into a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode.

           It took every bit of effort that she did not have to pull away from him. She ran around a chair that was sitting near them to put some space between them. Felicity clenched tight to the wood and took some well needed breaths. Looking up, Felicity saw the lower half of Oliver’s face was covered in her dark purple lipstick. His lips were swollen and, oh no, were there teeth marks near his bottom lip? She bit him? Frack!

           Her own lips felt chapped and sensitive. Raising a hand, she gently touched them. They were swollen as much as his were.

           It took a few minutes, and the sound of Karen’s voice, to return reason back to Felicity’s mind. She was supposed to be out there helping. Not hiding behind a curtain making out with one of the best looking guys she ever met. Felicity shook her head in an attempt to further clear her head.

           “I guess I better go.” Oliver jerked a thumb over his shoulder toward where Professor Smith was giving her lecture.

           “Why did you come? I mean not to the lecture, but earlier. Did you track me down?”

           Oliver shook his head and reached inside his leather jacket. He pulled out a folded up piece of paper and held it out to her. “I came for this.”

           Felicity accepted the paper and read it over. It was for extra credit. He needed to attend the lecture and get the professor to sign off that he had been there. There was a clause that said that Smith’s assistant could also sign the document. Glancing up at him, Felicity nodded down to the paper. “Do you have a pen? My bag is out there.”

           Reaching back in the pocket, Oliver extracted a pen. Felicity took it and signed the paper, handing both items back to him the second she was finished. She needed him to go. He was bad for her mental health. Oliver accepted them and they landed in the side pocket of his coat. He also buried his hands in each.

           There really wasn’t much more to say. Oliver was free to go. He had come and his paper was signed. Mission accomplished. However, the last thing he wanted to do was leave. The reason stood in front of him.

           Never had he felt such an instant connection to a complete stranger. Even his friendship with Tommy took time. More because they were always pushed together because they were the same age and their families were friends. Plus, they both shared a general distaste for Carter Bowen, a fellow friend of their families. “Felicity, I…”

           She shook her head and returned her hands to the back of the chair that still stood between them. She used it to shield herself from him. Not that the small wooden chair was much of a shield. He could easily kick it away without effort. “You might want to wash your face first.” She waved at her own chin and frowned. “Sorry.”

           Oliver scrubbed his leather jacket over his face. It came back with dark streaks on it. A small giggle bubbled up from Felicity and Oliver glanced over at her. “What?”

           “You made it worse.”

           “You should talk,” he teased. “The demented clown look was so last year.”

           “Frack!” Her hand raised to her face and she tried to rub off the lipstick that was streaked there. “How bad is it?”

           Oliver raised an eyebrow. “Adorable demented clown?”

           Felicity glanced around her and by the way her hands clenched, he was half sure she was looking for something to throw at him. Oliver reached out and cupped her face drawing it to his. He kissed her softly. Just enough to show her he had been teasing. If he lingered, Oliver was sure to sit on that chair and drag her down onto his lap. Something time and opportunity did not afford him.

           “Please go out with me,” he said against her lips. Oliver never begged for a girl to go out with him. They were usually much too eager to fall into his plans, if he wasn’t ejecting them from a bed he never invited them to. This one… He was willing to drop to his knees before if that’s what it took. What made this one girl so different from everyone else? The answer evaded him.

           “When?”

           Oliver silently cheered. “There’s a party tomorrow…”

           “No.” Felicity shook her head and stepped back. “I don’t do parties.”

           “You were at the one the other night,” he reminded her.

           “Not by choice,” she told him. “My roommate kicked me out and a friend of mine went there so I tagged along.”

           “Okay. When?” Oliver hoped he wasn’t leaving her with the opportunity to back out completely.

           Oliver watched her face change with each thought. She was so expressive. And, right now, he could tell she was warring within herself about why she agreed to come in the first place.

           “Tonight,” she said with a sigh. “Tonight works.”

           “Okay.” Oliver nodded at her. “Tonight.” He reached out and had to lean forward slightly to sweep a piece of her hair from her face. The dark strands were so soft in his hand. He rubbed them slightly before letting go. “Where?”

           Felicity named the hall just off the quad from where he had told Tommy he’d find her. Oliver nodded again. “Eight?”

           “Sorry,” Felicity said with a shake of her head. “My late class doesn’t end until seven thirty. I won’t be able to meet you until eight thirty. Is that okay?”

           “Yes.” Oliver reached out again and tilted her face up. He gave her smile even if everything in him demanded he kiss her again. “I’m looking forward to it.”

OQFSOQFSOQFS

           Felicity spent the rest of the lecture sitting in the chair completely unsure as to why she agreed to see Oliver again. Part of the reason she could not agree to come to the Halloween party was because she had a date with Cooper tomorrow. They were supposed to hit up the local cinema for a horror movie marathon before going over to the party. So, how was it she became that girl? The one who strung two guys along.

           “How did it go?” Karen asked as she approached with a large grin on her freckled face.

           Felicity shrugged one shoulder, anything else took more of an effort than she felt like giving right now. “We have a date. Tonight. After my class.”

           “You might want to wash your face before you go there,” Karen said with a laugh. “Looks like things got interesting.”

           “I know. Demented clown, right?” Felicity said with a sigh.

           “Ouch!” Professor Smith knelt down by Felicity’s knees. “And here I thought Oliver Queen would have better lines and more tact than that.”

           “Queen?” Felicity met her mentor’s eyes. The woman nodded.

           “I thought you knew.” Karen gifted Felicity with a confused stare and motioned back to the computer where things had to be cleaned up before they headed out. “His face is on like every other tabloid. Plus, he’s always on those celebrity news websites.”

           Felicity shrugged. “I don’t pay much attention to that stuff.” That did not mean she didn’t know who Oliver Queen was. People talked. Even nerds. Especially nerds.

           Oliver Queen was some playboy from Starling City, a city all the way across the country. A whole hell of a lot closer to Vegas where Felicity grew up than Massachusetts. He was known to sleep with anything in a skirt, young or old. Though he had a tendency to be seen with models and actresses. Yup, Felicity knew enough to regret agreeing to be another notch on his bedpost. Not that she had any intention of sleeping with him.

           “Hey.” Karen reached out and grabbed Felicity’s arm. “If he’s forcing you…”

           “No,” Felicity told her shaking her head. “It’s not that. I’m still a little taken aback by the fact that he’s Oliver Queen.”

           It was something that continued to bother her. If she had known… There was no sense playing that game. Her head hurt enough.

           Felicity walked across the quad in search of him. He did not appear to be there yet. Figures. One of the other things she heard about him was that he was always late. Though he had been far from late earlier that day.

           The only people on the quad were a couple of people jogging past. One was a brunette with long hair that bounced across her back from the ponytail it was tucked into. Felicity had no idea why she caught her attention. Maybe it was the way she squealed in excitement and ran faster to get to something or someone. Someone. Definitely someone.

           She threw herself at a guy and wrapped her long tan legs around his waist while her arms entwined around his neck. The guy’s arms wrapped around her sweaty form. His hand cupped her ass to keep her secure in his embrace.

           Felicity wanted that. She wanted to be so excited to see who she was dating that she had to run and greet him. Kiss him like she had kissed Oliver earlier. Like there was no one else but that person. Or no one else who mattered.

           The woman carded her hands through the guy’s hair and kissed him gently. Yep. That was definitely what Felicity wanted in a partner. Something she doubted that she’d ever find with…

           Oliver Queen. That’s who was in the woman’s arms. Or was she in his? It didn’t matter. Felicity froze the second she recognized him. The woman had finally settled down on her own two feet. She was not quite as tall as Felicity first pictured. It left plenty of room for Felicity to see Oliver’s face over her shoulder.

           The bastard. Felicity shook her head as her teeth began to clench. She was not going to stand here and watch any more. It was not like he had any shame for his actions when he stood in the middle of the quad where anyone could see him despite the darkness of the night. It didn’t matter that the space was lit up by the lights that the college had for safety.

           Ducking her head, Felicity kept to the shadows. With her dark hair and clothes, Felicity would be able hard to spot there. It did not take her long to reach her car. At least one good thing came out of tonight. She found out exactly what kind of man Oliver Queen really was.

OQFSOQFSOQFS

           “Is she here?” Laurel asked as Oliver continued to search the quad for the fifth time.

           “No.” Oliver glanced down at his watch. They agreed to meet at eight thirty. He even made it there right on time. He never did that. So, where was she? Was she okay? Did she stand him up? Every question put him more on edge.

           Laurel laughed. “Seriously? Did she stand you up? The almighty Oliver Queen.”

           “Don’t you need to finish your run?” Oliver glared over at her hoping that Tommy’s girlfriend, and one of his good friends, would just go away. He was humiliated enough.

           “If you told me what Felicity looks like, I might be able to help you.”

           “Fine.” Oliver swung around to face her completely. “She had black hair with a purple streak on each side of her head and wears all black. She’s into Goth or something.”

           “Elvira Jr.? You had a date with her?” Laurel stared back at him in shock. “Tommy mentioned her, but he said you didn’t know her name or where to find her.”

           “Jealous?” Oliver teased. He and Laurel had dated for a short time back in high school. Back before she and Tommy realized they were happier together than apart.

           “Not in the least,” she told him with a smile. “I want you to be happy.” Laurel punched him in the arm. “Did you find her at the seminar? Tommy mentioned that he saw you go in to get the Professor’s signature, but never saw you after that. Is that how you found out who she was and arranged this?”

           “Yes.” Oliver refused to elaborate. He did not tell Tommy and he certainly had no intention of sharing with Laurel. This thing with Felicity was delicate. Apparently, more delicate than he believed if Felicity could not even bother to show up.

           “You have her number?” Laurel asked. “You could call her, because she’s definitely not here.”

           “No. I don’t.” Damn it. Right now, Oliver really wished he thought of it earlier. What if she was in an accident?

           Laurel held up a finger. “Hold that thought.” She grimaced at whatever passed over his face. “Actually, think of something better while I do something.” She whistled over to guy who was running past. “Hey, Lonnie.”

           “Laurel.” The guy came to a jogging stop next to them. “What’s up?”

           “Did you happen to see a Goth girl roaming the quad or the parking lot earlier?”

           “Goth? Like dark hair, clothes and all that?”

           Laurel looked in Oliver’s direction and he nodded. “Yeah. Ollie’s missing one.”

           Lonnie jerked his finger over his shoulder. “One left like fifteen minutes ago in some beat up old clunker. She came from out this way.” Lonnie looked down at his watch. “Yeah, I would say a little after eight thirty.” He shot Laurel a questioning look. “Surprised you didn’t see her.”

           Laurel shrugged. “I wasn’t really paying attention. I had my headphones in and then I saw Ollie and I ran to greet him.”

           “How is your sister doing?” Lonnie asked. Sara had been in a car accident with a drunk driver over two weeks ago and up until now Laurel had been back in Starling City helping out.

           “She’s good. Sara’s coming out of the hospital on Tuesday.”

           “That’s great. Tell her I said hi.” Lonnie pointed over to the dorms. “I gotta get going. My roommate has an early exam and wants lights out in an hour.”

           Oliver did not even bother to listen to the rest of the conversation. He was too preoccupied by the fact that Felicity had shown up. But something made her leave without coming to find him. There was no need for the sudden departure. Unless… Oliver swung around and grabbed Laurel’s arm. “Damn it, Laurel.”

           “What?” She blinked up at him in confusion.

           “You scared her away.”

           “Me?” Laurel looked even more confused. “What did I… Oh!” Laurel winced. “Sorry.”

           Oliver slapped a hand to his head and ran it through his hair, pulling strands along the way. Felicity saw him and Laurel. Not that there was anything happening between him and Laurel, but Felicity did not know that. Hell, Oliver had never even managed to get Felicity’s last name, let alone her number. How was he supposed to find her? “Professor Smith.”

           “Who?” Laurel stood there staring at him like he had gone crazy. Maybe he had.

           “Professor Smith over at MIT knows who she is. I just need to find her office and talk to her.” Oliver turned to go. He was a man on a mission. Only Laurel’s hand on his arm stopped him short. “What?”

           “It’s after nine on a Wednesday,” Laurel explained. “I seriously doubt she’s even at her office at this time of night. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow.”

           “I can’t wait until tomorrow,” Oliver raged quietly. “The longer I wait the less chance Felicity will even talk to me.”

           Laurel let out a low whistle. “I wish you were only half this committed when we were dating.”

           “I’m not dating her,” Oliver pointed out. He waved his hands around the quad. “Obviously.”

           “Exactly,” Laurel said glaring at him before she walked away from him with a disgusted snort.

OQFSOQFSOQFS

           “Knock. Knock,” Oliver said imitating his actions on Professor Smith’s open door at eight am the next morning. He had barely slept so coming here early was really no big deal, even if it would be any other day. Okay, so he’d miss a class or two, but it wasn’t something he had not done before. “Professor?”

           She looked up from the paperwork in front of her and smiled. “Mr. Queen. Come in. Please.”

           Oliver accepted the chair she indicated. Now all he had to do was follow through with the plan that had played in his head since the night before. “About…”

           “Felicity.” She nodded at him. It made him wonder how much she knew about what happened last night. “How did the date go?”

           “Did she tell you about it?” Oliver leaned forward in his seat intrigued to find out if Felicity had shared anything about what happened. When the redhead in front of him shook her head his heart sank a little.

           “Felicity might have mentioned that you planned one. Right around the time that I accidently spilled the beans on your last name.” Professor Smith smiled at him apologetically.

           She was a beautiful woman, even with the large smattering of freckles that consumed her face and the dark glasses that were perched on her nose. Oliver in any other situation would decide to flirt with her to see where things could go. That’s how Felicity affected him, because he could not even think about doing something like that. His mind was consumed with only her.

           “Sorry about that,” the professor continued. “I hope it did not affect the outcome.”

           “We never had a date,” Oliver told her. “I’m pretty sure she showed up, but I think she misunderstood a situation that she saw.” Oliver let out a sigh. “I think the fact that she knew my last name might have put some preconceptions into it.”

           Professor Smith winced. “I don’t know how to apologize enough for that. I thought with the way the two of you were acting that she might have already known.” She fiddled with a pen in front of her not quite meeting his eyes. “She’s not exactly forthcoming about what happened, but she has some trust issues where men are concerned.”

           Oliver rubbed his face as he took that in. “So, I’m screwed even before I began. Great.”  

           “Not necessarily.” The professor pointed her pen at him. “Tell me about this misunderstanding.”

           “My ex….”

           “Already not a great lead in, Mr. Queen,” she scolded.

           Shaking his head, Oliver decided to continue, even if she might be right. “My ex saw me. We’re still friends and she’s currently dating my best friend. Anyway, she saw me after being away for a few weeks because her sister was in a really bad car accident when I came to the quad to meet Felicity.” Oliver flinched as he pictured how the whole situation must have looked to Felicity, or anyone else, who did not know the whole story. “She was a little too enthusiastic in her greeting.” Oliver held his hands up in order to further his case. “I swear it was nothing.”

           “What kind of nothing is nothing?” She leaned back in her chair and studied him. Professor Smith did not seem like she was just going to accept him at his word. Maybe that was for the best since Felicity would also be hard to convince. But, Oliver felt like he was sitting in front of the headmaster waiting for his mother to come and pick him up after being expelled from school.

           “She ran and leapt into my arms.” Yeah, he could tell from her face that he was royally screwed.

           A harsh intake of breath was the only sound in the room. Finally, she shook her head in disappointment. “Are all of your friends this enthusiastic?”

           “I swear this was a one-time thing. It never happened before and after Laurel found out I was waiting for a date, she felt really bad.” However, when Laurel left him the other night, she had been pissed. More because she realized how much more this complete stranger meant to him than she ever did. “I doubt Laurel is even in the mood to speak to me right now, let alone anything else.”

           Professor Smith steepled her fingers in front of her. Her dark green eyes bored into him. “And where does Felicity fall in all of this? Will she just be another conquest, Mr. Queen? Because Felicity is one of my favorite students and I’d prefer to not see her hurt.”

           “She’s not just another conquest. And I’ll try really hard not to hurt her again.”

           The professor’s smile grew from the line of her lips. When it reached full peak, he knew he had won some sort of battle. “That was a very smart answer, Mr. Queen. No one can promise to never hurt someone. Especially ones we really care about. They always seem to be caught in the crossfire.” Once more she sat there studying him, but this time he felt like he was being measured up. It made him uneasy. He was completely unsure of where this conversation was leading. Then when she leaned forward, Oliver was sure all that he did, no matter how hard he pleaded, was over. He was surprised when he heard her words. “Okay. I’ll help you.”

           Oliver’s whole body relaxed. He let out a deep breath and began to smile. “Thank you.”

           She nodded at him and tapped her pen again. “What do you need from me?”

           “Can I get her last name and where to find her?”

           Professor Smith shook her head this time. “That’s not how I work. And, frankly, I can’t take the chance you’ll upset her school day. College is very important to her. That’s the first thing you need to know. Felicity is driven and passionate about what, and who, she loves.”  

          Oliver shot her a look, mainly because there was an underlining message in what she was telling him. He caught it, but he was not quite sure if he was capable of being the guy that the professor was telling him he needed to be for Felicity’s sake. He wanted to be, though. The underlining question was if Felicity already had deep feelings for someone else. “Is she in love with someone already?”

           She shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know about love, but, yes, Felicity is currently seeing someone else. And, unlike you, she’s not one to divide her interests so easily. If you understand my meaning.”

           Felicity would not cheat. That’s what she was saying. And Oliver was the one who came last. That made him inwardly chuckle. For once he was placed on the other side of the fence. Maybe Laurel was not wrong. It sucked over here.

           “I see you do.” Professor Smith rose gracefully from her chair dropping her pen on her desk before she circled around it. She took a seat on the edge near where Oliver was seated and crossed her arms. “I will talk to her. If she decides that she’s willing to take a chance, where would you like to meet?”

           “I’ll be at the sorority party on campus tonight. Everyone will pretty much be there. It’s a yearly event as you probably know.”

           “I’ve been,” she said with a nod. Her eyes became distant for a moment. “I met my fiancée there.”

           Oliver smiled at her. “He’s a lucky guy.”

           Professor Smith returned back to the present and smiled at him. “Yes, she was but I lost her last year.”

           “I’m sorry.” Oliver did not know what else to say. He never really had to do much with loss. The only person he lost in his life was Tommy’s mother.

           “I’m not.” Professor Smith pushed to her feet. “I have a beautiful daughter that reminds me of her mother every day. One that’s very much like Felicity, so you see why I’m this protective.”

           “Yes, I do.” Oliver knew his own mother would be the same way. She had always protected him from the harsh realities of life. Maybe, sometimes, too much.

           “Good.” The professor reached out and shook his hand. “I’ll see what I can do for you. There’s no guarantees. Felicity is a very smart and resilient young woman who makes her own choices. I hope that you will respect whatever that choice may be.”

           “I will,” Oliver promised. Though, he could only hope that she would choose him. He hated to admit it, but his heart would break just a little at not being able to see Felicity ever again. “Thank you.”

           “Thank you for reminding me how precious love is when we have it.” She winked at him before waving him back toward her door.

           Karen waited for Oliver to leave before she pulled the picture of her fiancée out of her drawer. She had hidden it there over the past year unable to look at it, even if it also contained her beautiful daughter. Taking it out, Karen placed it back on her desk. She was ready to see her love of her life again without a severe bout of sadness invading.

           Oliver and Felicity might not realize it yet, but they had a great love in store for them. Much like Karen had. It was the greatest feeling ever, but you had to be ready for it. She wasn’t quite sure that they were. However, she had to see if they could handle it, because both of them deserved it.

           Picking up her phone, Karen called Charles Rounet’s office. He was about to have Felicity in his class and he owed her a favor. It would be no trouble for him to send Felicity over to her without losing credit.

OQFSOQFSOQFS

           Felicity flopped back on her bed. Her conversation with Karen left her with a lot of things to think about. The woman would not give her a definitive answer of what she would do if she was placed in Felicity’s situation. Which made this all the harder for Felicity. Professor Smith was her mentor and Felicity fully respected her opinion.

           Oliver had not been there to meet up with someone else. It just happened his ex, who was still his friend, that was a good thing right, was there. Felicity had not dated enough to be able to understand being friends with a previous boyfriend. She guessed it was possible. Felicity did not possess a mean bone in her body, so she doubted that she would ever really hate anyone. She had even forgiven the bullies who used to tease her back in school.

           However, how hard was it to say no to your ex when they acted inappropriately? Felicity sighed. Probably as hard as it was to say no to a guy you already agreed to date. Question was which guy was she going to use it on?

           Felicity really liked Cooper. She could really see the two of them going the distance, way past college. They were a lot alike, yet different enough that their relationship would always be interesting.

           Oliver, on the other hand, was almost Cooper’s complete opposite. No matter how you studied it, Felicity and Oliver would never match up on paper. However, there was this undeniable chemistry that sparked between them. When they touched, that spark combusted. In her scientific mind, that scared her because sparks fizzled. It lost its glow and faded away. Which was an excellent reason for her to say no to Oliver. It wasn’t meant to last.

           Only every time she tried to convince herself that was the case, it felt wrong. By the time Cooper called up to her dorm room to see if she was ready to head out, Felicity was bombarded by the worst headache she ever remembered having.

           “You mind if I sit out tonight, Coop?” Felicity said to him after she had slunk down to the main floor of the dorm to meet him. “My head is killing me.”

           Cooper pulled her into a hug and rubbed the hair on her head. It was comforting and just what she needed at the moment. She was half tempted to ask him up to her room and just lay with him on her bed and watch television the rest of the night. “Sure. Just feel better. Okay?”

           Felicity nodded against his thin chest. One that she could get used to. But did she want to get used to it or did she want to crave being there like she did with Oliver? Pulling back, Felicity raised her eyes to Cooper’s face. A handsome face for a good man. Just he wasn’t the one she wanted. “Cooper, I have a question.”

           “Sure.” He indicated a nearby bench and they both sat down. “What’s going on?”

           “First, I want to tell you that I really do have a headache. I’m not lying about that.” Felicity reached out for his hands and squeezed them. She noticed that Cooper shut down slightly and stiffened at her touch after her words. “Second, there’s this guy…”

           “What?” Cooper pulled his hands from hers. “Are you breaking up with me?”

           “Yes. No. I don’t know.” Felicity nodded, then shook her head before she shrugged. “I really don’t know. It’s complicated.”

           “Who is it?” Cooper jumped up and stared down at her. One of the dark strands of his hair fell across his forehead right above his angry eyes. “It’s Martin Pollak, isn’t it?”

           “No,” Felicity said vehemently. Martin Pollack, seriously? He was in her Unified Engineering IV class. Martin creeped her out on a good day with his bright blonde hair and his blue eyes that were almost so light that it just looked like he had small black circles within his eyes. Add into that he always tried to lean over her for answers or to catch up on notes and… Just, no. Felicity shuddered. “It’s Oliver Queen.”

           “Queen?” Cooper relaxed slightly and began to laugh. “Queen?” Now Cooper doubled over in laughter. “Sure. You and Oliver Queen.”

           One of her dorm mates walked past and Cooper grabbed her arm. “Want to hear something funny? My girlfriend thinks that Oliver Queen actually wants to date her.”

           The pretty blonde turned to look in Felicity’s direction. The look was practically murderous. “She doesn’t stand a chance in hell of even gaining his attention.”

           Not only had she gained it, Felicity made him search her out. Not by choice, but he did. Staring at the two of them, Felicity rose. She had her answer now. “You’re right. It must be the headache. I’m going to go rest.”

           Felicity pushed past the two of them and went up to her room. A note was pinned there from her roommate. She had left to go to the Halloween party at Oliver’s campus. Exactly the same place Felicity planned to be very soon. There was only one problem. She had no costume to wear.

OQFSOQFSOQFS

           Karen showed up an hour later with a bag draped over her arm. “You’re fairy Godmother is here.”

           Felicity giggled at the seriousness in which her mentor said that. “I thought for sure fairies were supposed to be smaller than me. Not six foot tall redheads.”

           Karen bopped her on the nose as she entered Felicity’s room. “Sorry to disappoint.” She nodded down at Felicity. “You need to strip.” She threw the bag on Felicity’s bed. “This requires skin.”

           Felicity’s eyes fell to her minimal cleavage under the large sweatshirt she was wearing. “I don’t have much to hold stuff up.”

           “It’s not that type of skin, though that helps.” Karen reached for the door and pulled it open. “Knock when you’re all dressed. I’ll wait outside.”

           The second she was gone, Felicity revealed what was in the bag. Holy shit! There was no way Felicity would be able to pull this off. All it was consisted of was a black one-piece. It was studded up around the breasts and the rest was leather. A brand new pair of fishnets were attached to the hanger.

           Felicity gulped. She was going to freeze even before she got over to the party. With a deep intake of breath, Felicity reached out and did the unthinkable. She put on the outfit.

OQFSOQFSOQFS

           “You look great,” Karen told Felicity as she pulled up outside the sorority house.

           Felicity played with the blonde wig Karen had given her to put on over her black hair. “Is this thing on straight?”

           “It’s perfect.” Karen pulled Felicity’s hands down from her head. “Leave it alone and give me your coat.”

           “I don’t know if I can do this,” Felicity admitted as her eyes began to stare out the window at the party goers that spread out everywhere.

           “You can.” Karen squeezed her hands. “You have the confidence and I believe in you. More than that, the second Oliver realizes it’s you, I doubt you’ll ever have a second to doubt yourself.”

           “Okay.” Felicity took a couple of deep breaths and stepped out of the car. She took off the coat and shivered at the coldness that invaded her skin. “Can I keep it at least? It’s freezing out here.”

           Karen nodded at her as she ducked down to stare up at Felicity. “Give it to Oliver. He’ll know where to put it so you can get it back easily.”

           “Thank you,” Felicity told her friend. “For everything. And wish me luck. This place is huge. It might take me a while to find him.”

           Something caught Karen’s eyes making them light up in laughter. “I don’t think luck is needed.” She smiled softly up at Felicity. “Reminds me of meeting Dia.”

           Dia was short for Brenda. Or at least that was the nickname Felicity had been told about. Dia had been Karen’s fiancée until a year ago, when she died in a car accident on her way to work. A deer had leapt in front of her car and when she slammed her breaks the car behind her never did, pushing Dia’s car down a ravine. The person who ran her off the road had never been found.

           Oliver appeared out of the crowd and jogged around to the driver’s side of Karen’s car. He knocked on her window until she rolled it down to talk to him. “Hey. Did you talk to Felicity?”

           “I did,” Karen told him.

           “And?” Oliver stared at her expectantly. “Is she coming?”

           Karen glanced over at Felicity before she went back to looking at Oliver. “That decision is up to her.”

           Felicity bit one of her bright red lips. Oliver honestly had no clue she was right there. Which was good because it allowed Felicity to glean some insight into what he was thinking.

           “She’s out with that other guy, isn’t she?” Oliver cursed. “I screwed up. I should have made sure I tracked her down myself to talk to her.”

           “Maybe. Maybe not,” Karen told him. “How badly do you want to fix this?” She tapped one finger on his hand that gripped onto her door. “Are you jealous?”

           “Fuck, yeah, I’m jealous.” Oliver straightened and crossed his arms. He looked ready to hurt someone. “I wasn’t fast enough. With the other guy. With meeting her. With not telling her I was sorry that I might have embarrassed her with Laurel.”

           He sounded so upset and sincere in his rant. But there was only one way to really prove that he actually wanted her and not the idea of her.

           Felicity draped her coat on the top of the car and sidled her way around on dangerously high heels. She had to think about it for a second, she was no actress to change her voice. “Hey, handsome.” She ran a hand over his chest that lay somewhat bare and he shrugged it off. “Want to dance?”

           “Not with you,” he told her with the briefest of glances. “And I don’t dance.”

           Karen tried to hide her amusement and that gave Felicity even more incentive to follow through. She pouted up at him. “Please.”

           Felicity pressed her entire body against his. She shimmied slightly. She never shimmied in her life until this moment. Oliver’s eyes barely flickered down to her. In a second, she was found wanting. It stung slightly.

           “You’re gorgeous, but I’m not interested.” Oliver’s eyes sparked with desire but he shook his head. He leaned against Karen’s door in an effort to escape some of Felicity’s movements. His eyes dropped to Karen. “Can you call her? I just need to talk to her. You don’t have to give me her number, just call so I can apologize.”

           “What are you sorry for, handsome?” Felicity asked in her best imitation of her mother.

           “This doesn’t involve you,” Oliver barely told her over his shoulder. “Please, Professor.”

           Karen shrugged, but her eyes met Felicity’s. She nodded at her mentor. “Okay.” Karen dialed the phone and Felicity’s coat began to ring.

           Felicity went over to answer it as quickly as she could on the heels she was not used to wearing. Digging it out of the folds of the coat, Felicity picked it up and answered. “Yes?”

           “Oliver would like to talk to you,” Karen said with a smile to her voice.

           “He just was,” Felicity told her. “He didn’t seem to care a moment ago.”

           Oliver’s eyes slowly rose to meet hers over the car’s roof. “Felicity?”

           She tapped her phone. “I thought you wanted to call and apologize.”

           He shook his head and slid over the hood of Karen’s car. He grabbed her by the waist, pulling the phone from her hand. He slammed it back on the top of the car. Oliver cradled her face in his hand. “I’m so sorry.”

           “I don’t know,” Felicity said with a shrug. “You kind of just brushed me off.”

           “Because I had no idea it was you.” His eyes trailed over her body and she noticed his Adam’s apple bob heavily in his throat. “I did tell you that you were gorgeous.”

           “Yes, you did,” she agreed.

           “Oh, just kiss her already,” Karen called out from inside the car.

           Felicity glanced around, pulling his hand from her face. “It appears we have an audience.”

           Oliver’s own eyes traveled over the group that had formed around them. “Yeah. You okay with that? Because it’s kind of a regular thing for me.”

           She contemplated that. Felicity might not mind occasional public displays of affection but to know that people might always be there watching her? It kind of scared her. Was Oliver worth all of that?

           Felicity stared up into his blue eyes and realized he was as unsure as she was. This wasn’t a joke for him. He was seriously interested in her and by the way he hesitated her opinion mattered. It was like she had this power over him in some way. Not that she asked for it. Some women would get off on it. For Felicity it was just another hurdle to cross. “I can try to be.”

           “Good, because I’ve been dying to do this since yesterday.” Oliver pulled her in tight to his chest and kissed her. Right there in front of everyone, he laid his claim. Not just on her, but to her. There were a million promises laid out in the press of his lips. Felicity returned it with a few of her own.

           When they broke apart, the crowd cheered. Even Karen let out a whoop of excitement.

           Oliver clenched her hand within his own. He gathered up her coat and phone and looped his arm around her waist. Knocking on Karen’s roof, Oliver bent down to smile at her. “Thank you. For everything.”

           “You’re welcome. Both of you.”

           Karen drove away and Oliver tugged Felicity even closer. “I think you owe me a last name.”

           “Smoak,” Felicity told him. “My last name is Smoak.”

           “Good.” He smiled at her and pulled her forward. “Now that is out of the way. I’d like to introduce you to some friends of mine.”

           “I’d like that.” Felicity smiled up at him. Professor Smith seemed like she was right. Sometimes the ones you least expected to fall in love with were the ones that you were meant to be with.

[spnsimpleman]

The Unknowns: Eighteen

This is a continuation for The Unknowns.  A one shot turned into a long ass Prologue.  Part One.  Part Two.  Part Three.  Four. Part Five.  Part Six. Part Seven.  Part Eight.  Part Nine.  Ten.  Eleven.  Twelve.  Thirteen. Fourteen.  Fifteen.  Sixteen.  Seventeen.

Dean x Psychic!reader

Teaser/Summary: An AU sparked from a songfic challenge, The Unknowns is based on Season One Episode Nine, Dean met reader in Lawrence as a child and they created an unbreakable bond. At the end of The Unknowns, reader decided to stick with her boys because she felt something coming but she holds secrets; one she holds close to her heart and a few that she doesn’t even really know yet.

Word count: 4099

Lines borrowed from season one episode twenty-two, “Devil’s Trap” in Bold.

Dean had helped Y/n upstairs even though she made it damn near impossible. She had undone his pants in the study and couldn't keep her hands out of them the whole way up. He would've said she was possessed if not for the connection drenched in guilt, worry, and desperation. He knew no words would soothe her pain and who was he to deny her desired choice of burying it?

She had come at him hard once they were in the room, tearing off his clothes and he ripped at hers as her need flooded him infusing his own. She shoved him on the bed and took him in her mouth with that tongue swirl thing she did so damn well.

He tried to take control and share the wealth but she shoved him back again and impaled herself. He sucked in a breath and she let out a cry as their bond crashed in full force. She paused, staring down into his eyes. A static flowed into his head, distracting and piercing but then her lust, desperation, and desire flared up swallowing the fog.

She leaned down and her voice caressed him in ways that shouldn't be possible, just you and me. Nothing else. I don't want to feel anything else.

She set a fast pace and he kept up with her until she cried out with a mind blowing orgasm that laid them both out for a few minutes. She lay on top of him, her face buried once again in his neck, and he cherished every second of it. He loved savoring it in the quiet when they were connected to the fullest extent and she buzzed along his veins.

He couldn't recall when it changed, when the connection, bond, whatever it was had somehow expanded when they were together like that. It promised he could never be alone again. They were one heart, mind, body and soul. They were one being and never had to worry about being alone; to them, there was no such thing.

Then she started moving slowly, taking him smooth and deep before she relinquished control by rolling over and pulling him with her. Her words drifted along his skin, I love you.

He dragged his gaze over her face, she gazed up completely open. He knew what she was doing, it wasn't the first time they used each other to block out something they didn't want to deal with, but he had gotten a small taste of whatever it was that truly scared her and it was unsettling. He couldn't take it away, but he could drown it out. They could drown it out long enough for her to fall asleep. If that was all he could do for her then so be it. He leaned down and kissed her, forever and ever.

He pulled his jeans on and sat on the edge of the bed studying her. Even in sleep, she was still tense. She had passed out just after he pulled her tank top back on. They couldn’t lay skin to skin as long as he wanted, there was too much going on and he needed to protect her especially with the pain and fear pulsing through the bond. Again.

It was more than the worry that the demon would come for Jess, more than the pain of her perceived betrayal to Sam and his reaction. Sure, they were compounding the issue but something larger loomed, something that shook their foundation.

Their foundation. He didn't know how but that was right.

There was something going on that she couldn't quite grasp. Something was breathing down their necks and somehow she could feel it coming but couldn't grab any of the details. It frustrated and scared her. It pissed him off. He wouldn't dwell on the small amount of fear because rage always worked better for him.

That damn tingling was back too, flirting around the edges of his mind. He had a lot of things to worry about but this was starting to eat him alive. Her brush with the demon yesterday was the only denominator. She'd been way too weak with an odd tingling off and on that he couldn't remember ever feeling before. Add in whatever the hell had happened in that motel room and now this shit storm with Sam. It was too much all at once.

That was always how his life imploded; too much too fast and it became a whole different ball game.

He shoved his hand into his hair and took a deep breath. He needed to stay calm, to keep his head, to slow this down before it got out of their hands. They knew this was only going to get crazier before they got a clue, but this twist wasn't one he had been planning for.

Pain exploded in his chest and she whimpered. He focused on the pain in his head. It wasn't his.

That tingling was heating up. Its presence was annoying before but now, it blazed along her skin and heated his own slowly becoming unbearable. “Y/n?”

He touched her arm and the bond immediately drew him in. That tingling buzzed up his arms and filled his head with static. He had felt how much she was dragging before but this was insane. His head hurt so bad he couldn't think. What is this?

Her face tensed and she curled up on her side, arms wrapped around herself again just like in the car. He touched her cheek, talk to me, sweetheart.

He worried about the drain on her energy but then he felt her swirling inside him until she came to rest with a comfortable weight in his chest. It was more than the normal hum in his mind but that wasn't a problem. He welcomed it. He took an easy breath, she was still with him. That was the best sign he could get right now.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Get some rest.” She was still asleep. The tingling and that static still there but at least she was too.

“Dean!” Bobby called from downstairs. Sam and Jess must be back.

He squeezed her arm, I’ll just be downstairs, if you need anything, call me.

He walked backward out of the room watching her the whole way. He thought about picking up his pace to the stairs but he nixed so he had more time to listen. At the top of the stairs, he took one last look toward the door. He focused on her warmth in his chest and started down the stairs.

The tingling sparked into a stabbing pain at the back of his neck. He froze only four steps down. He listened as he grappled with the bond, straining to pull more awareness than the warmth that resided in his chest and the hum in his head.

That old dog started barking and a chill rolled down his spine when the dog yelped and went silent. “About damn time.” He rushed down the stairs and the door smashed in.

He whipped around the bottom of the staircase and saw Meg stalking into the study rambling. Well, at least the beginning of the plan was working.

“Did you really think I wouldn't find you?”

He stepped into the back doorway of the study, “actually we were counting on it.”

Meg snapped her head in his direction and grinned, “how’s the wifey?”

His blood boiled and he sneered, “a hell of a lot better than you.” He looked up at the ceiling concentrating on Y/n’s energy still resting in his chest. She was still sleeping but that damn tingling had amped up her fear. He tightened the leash on his rage.

She smirked, “are you sure about that? Word gets around.”

The need to smack that smirk off her face built to a dangerous level then a hand was on his shoulder. “Go. We’ll settle this one down.” Pamela was turning him and pushing him from the room. She walked him to the stairs, “demons lie. She knows just what to say to get under your skin.”

“I know that.” He glanced up the stairs then met her gaze, “I’ll be fine.”

Her brow hiked up, “you wanna bet some clothes on that?” He frowned and she smirked, “I'm not keeping you out of this battle, I'm preparing you for it. Go up with her and lock this shit down. Battle ready for an exorcism means everything important is locked down. You are not. Go.”

He trudged up the stairs to the demon’s cackling. He wanted to turn around and help tie it down but Pamela was right. He wasn't ready for what the demon could throw at him.

He walked back into the room, she was still curled on her side, her face tensed and hands clutching her head. “Y/n.” He rushed over to her side, she was trembling in the grip of something. He laid down beside her and hugged her, pressing his forehead against hers and closed his eyes.

The bond pulled and in seconds, he was blinded by heavy fog but felt her all around him. Y/n? What is this?

Something’s blocking me.

He turned but couldn't see her. Where are you?

Here. You shouldn't be. Something’s pushing… making all this noise. It's just… too much. Tired. Trust your instincts and nothing else. It's coming for us, leading us. Trust us, instincts, but nothing else.

She shoved him out and he choked on a hasty breath. He grabbed his chest, the bond still pulsed, her energy clear and unwavering.

The door behind him creaked and he jumped to his feet, his fists up and ready.

“Calm down, Chachi. You seriously need to work on reading the area around you.” His eyes widened and she shook her head. “I can see it on you. You've just got to work with it.”

“See what?”

Pamela crossed her arms, “please tell me you’re playing dumb.” His brow hiked up and she tsked, “your bond is... sharing. You've felt it.”

He swallowed the lump, “I thought I was just feeling it through her.”

She smirked, “maybe sometimes, but not all the time. When she's not around, you still have a weakened version. Enough to feel friend from foe.” She waved him out, “they need you. We’ll be up here.” She eyed him, “not much locked down. The blocks you and grumpy use when she’s weak, you need them now. You know better.”

Dean glanced at Jess as she moved to Y/n’s side. He cleared his throat, “I just…” he sighed and scrubbed his face. He threw the block up and used her presence inside to calm down.

“That's better.” She touched his arm, “we’ve got this. You get the answers you need.”

He glanced back at her, “she said something's blocking her. Causing static.”

Pamela frowned, “yes. I've felt it since you got here. What I gave her not only calmed the emotional turmoil but will help with that too. I told you things were getting complicated. It doesn't want us to have any hints.”

“Did you know it saw her? Did Sam tell you?” Her mouth tensed and she nodded. “It got in her head, she said it played through memories… is it possible it put something in there?”

“No. She would feel it, you would feel it.”

“I do. She's been really tired since and there was this… she had a dream or something and it bled over to me. That demon down there saying things… that dad was dead.”

“Your dad’s not dead. I told you demons lie.” But something flickered across her face that he didn't like.

“Could the demon have planted something that tingles? Maybe that's what's causing the static. It tingles at the back of my neck… it's come and gone a few times but just before the dog started barking outside it was a stabbing pain at the back of my neck.”

She frowned and looked at y/n. “I’ll look into it.”

“Help her. She's…” he glanced toward Y/n, Jess was whispering and running her fingers through her hair,  “scared.”

“We’re all a little scared and that's a good thing.” She gave him a small smile and he knew she meant it to be encouraging. He wasn't sure what to take from it though. It felt more like a warning. He looked at Y/n again, her face was smoothing out, the tension easing from her arms and the bond. Jess had been learning quite a bit under Pamela’s protection.

He walked to the door and looked back, “you're going to…” he waved his hand in front of the door.

Pamela nodded, “the demon won't be able to get up here but yes, I'm blocking this room. Don't forget to tell grumpy about the block. You're gonna need it during the exorcism. Don't let the demon gain an inch from whatever you two transmit.”

His eyes widened again before he nodded. “Right.”

He walked downstairs fitting the extra filters in place like Y/n showed him then focused on her. She was still a steady warmth in his chest, more placid than she’d been since waking up screaming in the motel. Whatever Pamela was doing was working but whatever was… hell, lying wasn't going to stop it. The yellow eyed demon was doing it but at least Pamela’s thing was keeping her calm for the most part. And she would help her, she always helped her.

He might need to ask for that spell or whatever it was with the way things were going. He'd probably need it before this was through.

~~

Dean leaned against the wall staring down at the dead girl that had been possessed for far too long. The words he had heard for the second time still ringing in his ears, fighting for dominance over the threat Meg had made that shook him too much to easily brush off.

Y/n is something else. You two are just adorb...

Shut your mouth.

We’ll kill her just to see what little ol’ Dean would become.

Her warmth flared in his chest while he debated talking to her about the nightmare at the motel. Pamela and Jess walked into the room and he looked up, Y/n was trailing behind them looking better and more alert. He realized he felt her approaching and had completely missed it while lost in his head.

Pamela and Jess stopped beside Bobby and Y/n moved straight into his arms. He brushed his lips against the top of her head and then whispered, “the static?” He didn’t feel it.

She tilted her head back, “it's gone.” He looked down as she gazed up at him. Worry wrapped around him while he noticed the dark circles appearing beneath her eyes.

“You need to get going.” Bobby’s statement left no room for argument.

“I want to go.” Jess was staring at Sam, something passing between them kind of like his connection with Y/n but this one more normal that came from knowing someone. Even with all the time that had passed, they still had a way of communicating without a word. “I can help.”

“No. You should stay here with Y/n.” Sam snapped too quickly without a glance in Y/n’s direction but Dean felt it. Maybe everyone did. He may be mad as hell but he still cared about her, still worried that something could happen. It seemed everyone was in that boat.

Y/n nodded, “I don't think I should go. I won't be any help right now.” She squeezed him and peeled away then walked into the kitchen.

He followed her, “are you sure?” She stopped at the other end of the room and he slipped his arms around her, pulling her back against his chest.

“I can’t take care of anyone until I take care of myself.” She tilted her head up and to the side with a smile. The sadness in her eyes was welling in his chest and reaching heavy tendrils through his limbs. “I’m way too weak and this thing with Sam… it's not going to help. I’ll just get in the way.”

He turned her around and then framed her face in his hands, “I need you but I understand what you're saying.”

“You need your brother. I've prepared for this.” He felt the wall she tried to build around the growing fear and anxiety.

“Bullshit. No one prepares to lose their family.”

She quirked her brow, “the reason I didn't want you to know, didn’t want you to be a part of the lie was because I knew you couldn't lose him. I've been prepping for this outcome. It still hurts but...”

He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes, “you didn't lose him. He's just… confused.”

“He's hurt and he has every right to be.”

“How much of that preparing actually helped? You can't lie to me remember?” He felt that pit open up and he pushed to cover it, to smother it before it swallowed her whole.

“I deserve…”

He pulled back, “don't you dare. You heard Jess, how many times do we have to say it?”

The tear slipped down her face and he wiped it away feeling every stab of her flickering emotions in his chest. She couldn't stop it, couldn't fix it. He felt the nails hammering in her head as she whispered, “I felt it, I knew the suffering it caused and I knew that suffering would come back to me. Until he's worked through that hurt, I will only be in the way. You can't blame him or get mad at him. This is all my…” she trailed off but he heard it clear as day in his head. Fault.

He pulled her to his chest, cradled her head against him. You saved her. That was your doing.

Her arms squeezed him and he knew she was trying to crawl inside him again. The idea didn't freak him out like he thought it should the first time he felt it. And I crushed him in the process.

He kissed the top of her head before whispering, “well, that's the funny thing about love. We do what's best for them no matter how much it fucking hurts.”

She pulled back, grabbed his face and pulled him down, then kissed him hard and fast. They both ignored the tears, the throbbing in their chests, and the way his words bounced around their skulls. His love washed over her, through her mixing with hers and flowing back.

I will never deserve him and he’d say the same about me.

He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her body tighter against his, damn straight.

Maybe there is something to what be said about love. The people that can hurt us the most are the ones that mean the most, cost us the most, but we would do absolutely anything for them.

He wasn't sure if she meant for him to hear those thoughts as she pulled back and gazed into his eyes but he knew when she realized he did. She began rambling, “by the way, part of my preparation was soaking up as much of you as I could because I knew…”

The pain tore at his chest and he closed his eyes. He felt it ripple through her before she gasped. “Don't say that, sweetheart.”

She pressed her forehead to his chest, “it's going to take him time to be able to be around me again. That’s just… it’s fact.” She gripped his shirt in her hands.

“This is Sammy we’re talking about.” But she was right and he hated it.

“Exactly. I just brought his world crashing down around him. I was one of the two he had every trust in. Just give him time and don’t push him. If Sammy lied to you about me…”

“I’d take the miracle where I could.”

“You know it’s not that easy.”

He tilted her head up and connected with her gaze, “with you, it will always be that easy.”

She shook her head and we both knew we’d never agree. “We’re obviously not going to come to an understanding…” she trailed off and something swept through him too fast to identify.

“What?”

She shook her head, “it’s just something my mom said to me the last time I saw her.”

“Hey,” he framed her face again, pulling her back to him, “no matter what,” he gazed into her eyes pushing every ounce of his confidence and determination toward her. “You and me, always.”

She nodded as her throat tightened up. He felt his own following suit with the thrill of sensations from feeling so much more of her than usual. He pressed his forehead to hers, best friends forever.

And ever. She kissed him with all the determination of a lover trying to seal and remember every single thread of the moment. They entwined on a level that had only happened a few times, more so recently. It was trippy, heady, and completely beyond normal. It was becoming like a drug he craved.

He felt her hands on his face and his hand pressed against her lower back from both sides of the coin. Her feeling of his body against hers and the memory of earlier sprang forward. Her thoughts came like rapid fire through the heightened bond.

Had I known that this was coming? Was that why I… why we went so slow? Were we trying to remember, trying to sear every touch into our memory, into each other’s minds because we knew this was coming? What was coming?

He sucked in a breath and shivered as he broke the kiss. Her eyes fluttered open, you heard that, didn't you? It's stronger somehow. This is just...

He caressed her cheek, wiping away the tears and tried to do the same with Meg’s words that may have been a threat. He couldn't let them take her and shoved the thought away as he refocused on y/n, maybe because you need it. Because we both need it. I can't lose her.

Her brow furrowed, her gaze flicked between his eyes, “what do you mean you can't lose me?”

“Nothing. Just something Meg said during the exorcism. She was trying to get in my head.”

She pressed her hand over his heart, “she did. They know what happened to your dad after they took your mom. It doesn't mean they know about us. You'd think they'd be terrified to piss off another Winchester like that.” He felt the rise of something before she shook her head and clamped it down. She took a deep breath, “bobby’s agitated, he wants you guys out of here before the paramedics get here and they'll be here any second.”

“You stay safe.” It felt automatic and lousy. Her responding anxiety flared through his chest.

“You too. You need to come back to get me.”

“Unless you have to come save my ass.” He chuckled, “admit it, you were thinking it.” Fear and worry gnawed with renewed interest at her insides and he wanted to take the words back.

She kissed him fast and hard again. “Go, save your dad.” Then pushed him away, “just like a bandaid, right?”

He nodded but hated to walk away even though he knew he had to. “I always hated that saying.”

She grinned but it was tinged with that worry again, “I know.”

“I’ll see you soon.” He didn’t know what compelled him to say it but he knew it was true. He just didn’t like the resounding well of cold anticipation that surged up in her. She tried to grab onto it but it rushed away. Her face fell and he hugged her again then kissed her one more time, slow and steady, full of all the promise he willed into existence. “We’ve survived much more than this before and we’ll kick it in the ass again. Only this time I’ll try hard not to give you a reason to kick my ass.”

She smiled as he pulled away. That pulse of anticipation again, that something was barreling toward them like an off the rails train. He straightened his back as he strode for the door. 

Those bastards weren’t going to fuck with his world. He had more than enough to fight for and this time he was bringing the war to their fucking doorstep.

Nineteen

@duchessofwinchester , @jodyri , @jencharlan , @deanssweetheart23  @torn-and-frayed , @chrisatplay , @mogaruke, @captainemwinchester  , @ashrod98 , @mrswhozeewhatsis , @caitsymichelle13  , @escabell , @thealyana , @michellethetvaddict

[notnaturalanahi]

Vampire Slaying

Pairing/Characters: Dean Winchester x BAMF!Hunter!Reader, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer (mentioned).

Word count: 5340 (yeah).

Summary: The boys need help to wrap up a case and randomly call Y/N. The thing is she and Dean already know eachother.

Warnings: Smut, (please practice safe sex at home kids!), cuss words, violence, killing (typical SPN stuff), drinking and driving and probably some other stuff that I cannot remember now, oh yeah, the character might be a bit outta character, it’s crack just go with it.

A/N: This is my entry for Jess ( @trexrambling)& Lee’s( @wheresthekillswitch) Crack Challenge. 

My prompt: Just because you’re tall doesn’t mean I can’t rock climb.

So, I’ve been dealing with this fic for the past month or so and I still feel is not good, It’s been a while since I written something this long and cracky, so I would like to apologize before hand for what you’re about to read! I wanna thank Harley @docharleythegeekqueen for the reading over and amazing words of encouragement!! Unbetad so I bet there’s lots of mistakes.

I forgot to add, the readr is a really short girl, like 5′ (5′1″ maybe) someone I could make fun of, like my sister @nadiandreu7 jajajaj

[Feedback is the best way to show your love!] 

Vampire Slaying

Dean’s been eyeing her since the moment she walked through those doors. Five inch heels, reverberated inside his ears with every step she took up till she sat down at the bar. Legs crossed, feet not touching the ground, dismissing every pathetic attempt of approach by every guy that dared get close to her.

 Finally he stands, normally he’d let that type of woman just walk by him but that night he was up for a challenge.  He hadn’t decided what line to use or what to say, he just leaned on the bar by her side. “I saw you decline every guy that came up to you…”

 He could see her annoyance in her feature even before she could see him. And the moment her eyes met his, something in her face changed, she licked her lips and cocked an eyebrow at him, expectantly.

 So, what are you looking for?” His other arm went around the back of her barstool.

 She shrugged; her beautiful smokey eyes went down to his feet and slowly moved up, lingering on strategic places before stopping on his lips.

“The name’s Dean.” Courtesies first he extended his hand to her.

“Y/N.” She shook it. Little hand looked even tinier in his and the wheels on his mind started turning. He bet she could make everything look bigger!

Less than an hour and a few drinks later she’s leaning against Dean’s side, knees touching, and he got closer to her than anyone in that bar could have ever dreamed of as he whispered into her ear.  “Wanna get out of here?” He breathed out the words, purposely; the smell of her was intoxicating, something fruity mixed with something very similar to gunpowder. He grinned when she shivered and goosebumps appeared on the exposed skin on her neck.

“I thought you’d never ask.” It was her turn to whisper into his ear. “I have a room nearby.”  When he growled in response she jumped off the barstool, leading the way outside.

Once the cold breeze hit them, Dean couldn’t help but pick her up from under her arms and placed her against the wall at his height.

“Hey!” Was all she said before he placed a soft kiss on her lips, testing the waters before she opened her mouth and allowed him to become a little rougher.

Five minute drive to her motel room, located right across the road from the one he and Sam were staying in. She pulled his face down from the collar of his leather jacket in the parking lot, surprising him, clashing her red lips to his and walking him backwards until his back hit the hard door. She manhandled him, pushed him aside to open the door but tugging him by the wrist to stay exactly where she wanted with a firm “Stay!” command and Dean loved it!

Once she had the door opened he snaked his arms around her waist and lifted her from the ground dragging her into the room and shutting the door with his foot. Her short legs quickly wrapped around his narrow hips and between the deep kissing, grabbing and squeezing he let her go in order to rip the clothes off her chest only to shoved her to the bed, forcing a squeal out of her mouth. They both laughed as she bounced in the mattress.

“You so hot!”

“I am,” she replied. “And you’re hotter!”

She knelt fisting his clothes and pulling him down to her level, nudged the layers of clothes off his body as her teeth caught his lower lip and his hands felt every little inch of her he could reach.

It was a battle for power and control neither of them wanted to lose!  

He succeeded on staying on top, or she gave up on trying rolling him over, whatever reason, Dean felt like a powerful alpha male and smacked her hand away when she intended to take off her boots “Nah ah, keep them.”

She bit down on one of his nipples, pulling at it almost painfully making Dean growl while his finger worked around her back on the clasp of the bra. She ignored his undershirt going straight for the buckle of his belt.

Her head hit the wall behind her when his tongue met her delicious looking nipple sucking it hard. He cried out and bit down on her shoulder when her hand wrapped around his hard already leaking length.

Oh and he was right, her finger barely touched each other. Best night of his life… okay, maybe not, all because of his stupid big mouth.

It was simultaneous, Dean pulled his black t-shirt over his head and she finally got rid of her jeans from over her boots… in between the hormonal frenzy and chaos they both stopped and stilled in a really awkward position.

She looked at his chest and his eyes landed on her thigh, the endless knot in a shape of a pentagram surrounded by black flames matched in their naked bodies. “Umm… anti possession?”  Dean was the first one to break the awkward silence.

“You too.” She butted him off of her with both hands on his chest, and one of them was sticky, the slime cooling rather rapidly on his skin.

Once on a reasonable distance, she eyed him suspiciously, he did the same. “Here for the werewolf attacks?” she asked.

Dean nodded. He pointed to her thigh, where her tattoo was.

“Bobby Singer’s suggestion,” she simply said, he nodded in agreement.

They stared for a few seconds before their bodies collided like magnets, kisses, licks and bites all over. He took her thighs and lifted them up causing her upper body to drop back onto the bed and dragged her towards him. The way her mouth rounded made him harder and her loud gasp as he entered her in one quick thrust almost made him come right there and then.

“You alone on this,” she moaned the question.

He grunted, “No, my brother.”

“There’re not many. FFFuck! We could totally work together. You kno.ooow. Finish faster”

“You sure you can even kill a werewolf?”Dean joked, sarcasm not really showing in his voice. “Oh shit! “Maybe you should leave the hard work for the big men here,” He smirked and ducked down to kiss her.

“What?”  

When she didn’t kiss back he lifted his head and looked down at her. She propped herself up to her elbows, Dean knew she was close by the way she started squeezing him but there was barely any sign of pleasure on her face.

Dean chuckled slowing his thrusts.  “Don’t fucking stop!” she demanded and he was nothing if not an obedient soldier.

The contractions around his cock became more intense, she threw her head back and came open mouth in a silent scream. Dean kept going, seeking for his own release.

“What did you mean by that?” Her voice was raspy and her cheeks rosy.

He laughed. “Just that. Ugh. You’re so tiny.” His fingers dug in her hips. “Hot! But so little I can even see my dick poking in you. Fuck!” His palm went to rest over her pelvic area where the alien seem to be about to burst out and he grinned like a kid in a candy store.

“What?” he asked breathlessly

She lifted her hips off the bed and started circling them meeting Dean trusts and he felt it coming. “You think I can’t handle it huh!?”

“It’s just. Fuck.” Being a stupid cocky young man, Dean misunderstood her anger with some sort of play so he kept joking. “It might be too much for you.” he laughed. “Umf mother fucker!”

“You know what? Is never too much for me!” She whimpered. “Wait! I wanna be on top.”

Dean nodded and let her take control, sinking his fingers on the sides of her thighs, helping her guide her movements.

She took his hands in hers and placed them on top of his head. Dean enjoyed every second of it. The way her pussy clenched around him, her breasts bounced and her nipples tickled his neck and jaw, his tongue poking out the entire time trying to take one dusky bud into his mouth.

“Fuck!” She shouted.

“Yeah!” he said.

“Don’t come. Just. Yet!” she ordered and Dean bit down on his lip to hold it in.

“So you think I can’t do it?” Her chest heaved and Dean was just lost in sensations as her fingers tweaked his nipples.

He chuckled. “Maybe with some help…”

“You know what.” She stopped completely. “Get out.”

“What!? Dean voice was pitchy high and he knew he sounded desperate. “I was about- You cannot be ser-”

“Get the fuck out!” She stood, juices flowing down to Dean’s crotch.

“You’re seriously gonna leave it like this?”

“I couldn’t care less about your fucking chauvinist blue balls. You think I can’t handle myself!?”

“I think you’re fucking crazy!”

“You can bet your fucking ass I’m crazy!!” she shouted and started shoving him up the bed and towards the door.

Dean did his best to get his scattered clothes; she opened the door and pushed him out as he bent down to get his boots. He banged at her door and shouted her name but gave up after a while and walked back to his car, covering his shame with his jacket a crumpled pair of boxers and one lonely boot.

Here’s the thing, Dean often remembers and dreams about some of his wild nightstands, but this particular one, is buried deep -deep- down and apparently his fucked up brain loves to bring it up every once in a fucking while just to mess up with him. So when he wakes up at 6 am, he’s too horny to go back to sleep and too angry at himself and that crazy bitch to jack off, having no other option but to get up from bed and take a cold shower, luckily Sam’s still out on his morning run.

He now sits at the kitchen table, coffee in one hand, the other one resting on the table, under his forehead. Sam’s large bare feet echo down the hallway, laptop in hand, hair still drippy at the ends from his recent shower as he walks into the kitchen. “Hey, you’re up?” brows furrowed only for an instant at the presence of his brother so early in the morning.

Dean gives his energetic little brother half an eye roll and head shake before taking the coffee mug to his pouty lips again.

“Found us a case.” Sam places the computer on the table and walks around to pour himself a cup of coffee.

Dean grunts some unintelligible words into his mug; Sam takes them as a positive answer as he takes the first sip, sighing pleasantly “So get this…”

…

It takes them around 14 hours until they find themselves checking in a little lay low motel just outside Helena AR, Dean sighs closing his eyes, the room looks a lot like the one he remembers from his dream.

Sam rolls his eyes, from his point of view it seems as Dean is upset about the state of the room, so he just walks past his brother dropping his duffel on the stuttering table. One hand loosens the knot of his tie while the other is takes his computer from the bag.

“The 5th girl was found,” he types out loud, letting Dean know what he found out at the sheriff’s office. “That means there are three still missing and hopefully alive.” With both palms on the table he pushes up from his hunching position. “What did you find out?” he asks his big brother.

“Big nasty, filthy…” His voice trails off and Sam scoffs at Dean while the latter’s nose crinkles as he inspects the bathroom. A couple of years living at the bunker and he already forgot what it’s like to stay at one star motels, Sam shakes his head. “… Nest. Ten, maybe twelve. Couple of miles west from 49.”

Dean turns and stares at Sam. “You think we should ask for reinforcement?” Sam’s the one asking and Dean gives him a WTF look.

“It seems like too much for just the two of us. I know we can take care of fucking everything,” he interrupts Dean before he evens has the chance to say anything. “But if there’s indeed a dozen.”

Dean shrugs, he knows Sam’s right but he’s not gonna say it that easily. “Who we calling?”

“Um…” Sam thinks for a little bit. “…I have-” He goes back to his bag and start digging around. “I have Bobby’s old journal, in the back he made himself a little hunter’s directory, you know?”

Dean plops down the bed regretting it immediately when a cloud of dust from the covers surrounds him, and he coughs.

“Here it is!” Sam exclaims triumphantly. “It has numbers from hunter around the country; we just need to see who is around the area.”

…

Half an hour later Dean comes back with diner to find Sam scratching numbers from a list in front of him while he still on the phone. “Yeah… that’s- uh huh… O-okay. We’ll see you tomorrow b- She hang up.” Sam looks up at Dean.

“She?” Dean inquires, a little smirk playing at his lips, his hands pulling the packed food from the brown paper bag.

“Yeah.” Sam takes one of the Styrofoam containers and grimacing at its contents; some sort of meat stew, he pushes aside and takes the other one. “This girl apparently she’s from around.” Sam breaks the seal from the Italian dressing with his teeth. “I didn’t get much from her other than her name.” The plastic fork goes down and pokes-pokes-pokes.

“So what’s her name?” Dean lifts his eyes for a second from his nasty looking but supposedly delicious special of the day to see a few twigs sticking out of Sam’s big mouth.

“Y/N,” Sam says around a mouthful.

The name rings in his head, and he repeats it like a chant. Sam ignores him and walks to the fridge to get a water bottle and that’s when Dean’s eyes go wide… What are the chances it’s even her? He assures himself.

“You sure she’s comin’?” Dean’s reluctant about the whole calling for backup thing, since they’ve been waiting for forty five minutes.

“Y/N said she’d come,” Sam repeats for the tenth time.

Dean’s mind wanders around to the memory that haunts him, there’s no way is the same Y/N, right?

It’s not hard for her to spot them from the distance.  The only two people by the side of the empty old, forgotten road, leaning against a gorgeous car.

She parks her truck- a black 68 Silverado- face to face with baby.  Her eyes on the car the whole time. Whoever keeps their car in pristine conditions is worth meeting, she decides.

Shutting down the engine and reaching to the other side of the bench seat for her bag pack, Y/N pulls the creaky door open. The boys watch as a pair of platformed feet poke out of the driver’ side and then she jumps, literally jumps off, landing straight on the ground next to the truck. Her back to them until she slams the door closed.

Sam and Dean push away from the car’s hood and walk towards Y/N, meeting her halfway. When she turns around she’s taken aback for the slightest instant, both these guys have easily a foot on her. But Y/N stands tall, taller than she ever did actually; shoulders squared, chest up, head high.

“Hi, Y/N? I’m Sam, we spoke on the phone.” His hand is ginormous, it’s a bit embarrassing for Y/N to shake it, it really envelopes her whole little one.

“Nice to meet you.” She looks up, like she normally does dealing with ridiculously tall people, and she knows her neck will hurt later from the way it has to crake in order to see Sam’s face. Y/N’s a warrior though; she won’t let any Bunyan’s brother intimidate her.

The one with bow legs comes next, yeah whether she likes it or not, legs and shoes are the first thing she gets to look on a person. As her eyes scan his body, Y/N noticed something familiar about him. The way he struts towards her, the cocky smirk as he looks her over, eyes ranking her body up and down before meeting her eyes and…

“Fuck me!” she breaths out. Dean responds with a humorless chuckle. “I knew I recognized that car.”

“You guys know each other?”  Sam does that little thing with his ridiculously silky flowy hair whipping to the side, his forehead gets the strongest Wifi signal and his eyes goes from his brother to Y/N.

She scoffs. “Do we… Hey, did you find your clothes?” Her bitch face puts Sam’s to shame.

Sam snorts, he knows exactly who she is. Dean pouts and everyone from miles away can see the way his jaw clenches.

This is what happen after Dean came into his motel room almost naked all those years back, Sam interrogated him nonstop about what happened but obviously Dean only partially told him what happened, after the events of the next morning in the werewolves’ warehouse he kinda had to tell the whole thing.

The job was already done, werewolves’ bodies lying all around, Y/N had done it all by herself but not before leaving a message, which Sam luckily found. Dean’s name was carved on a back wooden door and an arrow signaled the way they had to follow to find Dean clothes, inside a muddy pond.

“I wanted to return them clean, you know? They were all dirty and stained and smelly, yuk! But the motel back then didn’t have a laundry room or even a pool, so I just let them soaked somewhere I knew you’d find them.”

She grins her eyes now on Sam, “Anything I need to know before we slay those mother fuckers?”

“Um, yeah. We’re sure the three girls that are still missing are in there.”

“Priority number one!” She nods and goes to the back of her truck. “Okay, let me get my blade and lead the way.”

“Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute!” Dean says taking a step closer to her. Y/N ignores him completely and her feet leave the ground as she hoops to the truck’ side panel with great agility.

“What?” Her voice’s a little muffled, both bothers get a little distracted by the way her ass wiggles, in perfect display for the to appreciate while she looks for her stuff in the back of the truck.

She climbs back down, a machete in each hand. “Look I know exactly what you’re gonna say, big guy and I’ll warn you. Don’t let my size fool you.” She points at Dean with one of the machetes. “I can still kick your freaking tall ass!!” That same machete goes to her leg holster, “Now, let’s go kill those fanged bastards!”  

Sam leads the way, Y/N’s short legs following behind almost in a trot and Deans keeps up a few feet behind, thinking. Did his brain kwon he was gonna meet her again or was it all a coincidence? Does this whole thing mean something? As they approach the abandoned house he pushes his thoughts a side. But not before his brain makes him consider that Y/N is a great hunter, she did an amazing job back then and managed to keep herself alive for almost a decade… who knows, calling her might had been a good idea.

Her lips pout as her heedful skim the inside of the rotten building through a wall gap, “I see only ten, maybe eleven.” There’s no hesitation on her voice, “All sleeping.” Moving away from the crumbling wall her eyes go from Sam to Dean before she drops down to her knees.

With a small knife she gets from the inside of her boot, Y/N draws on the ground. “Three here, two more there, four or five and the one guarding the girls.” Sam crouches next to her; Dean remains standing, forcing her to look way up to meet his eyes.

“I say we split,” Sam suggest. Y/N nods. Dean considers apologizing to her, uncertain of whatever might happens.

“You guys go up front, I’ll get through the back and-”

“I think I should come with you,” Dean interrupts her. Sam and Y/N share a little look. “You know there are like f-” Yeah, no. in his defense he’s really trying but that’s not the best approach, he kicks himself mentally.

Her glare interrupts him, “You really want to do this now?”

“Hey, no. Just saying. There are more at the back, plus the girls are up front… We can create a distraction until Sam gets them out.” He keeps burying himself deeper.

“Whatever,” Y/N sighs rolling her eyes, she gets up and starts walking towards the back.

When Dean meets with her, she’s standing there looking up for some way to get in. “Hey,” he begins, she ignores him.

“The top floor window,” she says without even turning to look at him.

Dean’s eyes travel up, there’s easily a five feet to the window. He crouches, interlacing his fingers, creating a little tow for Y/N to hop up.

“What are you doin’?”

“Hop up,” he encourages.

“Dude, just because you’re tall doesn’t mean I can’t rock climb!”

Before Dean can even think about what she just said, Y/N jumps, her short fingers hooking on the edge of the cornice and she hauls her own weight with ease. “Like I’ve been saying my whole life, don’t let my fucking size fool you! Now get up here!”

They burst in, shouting and making a lot of noise to get the vampires away from Sam and the girls. The fanged leeches wake up, startled, a couple ready to fight. Y/N ducks the first one that comes to her, barging towards the second one, shoulder to the stomach, the big male drops to the floor. With both knees on his sides, Y/N lifts her arms in the air taking the first head of the night.

Dean never saw her fight before and he has to admit he’s impressed!

She rolls in the floor, avoiding the hands trying to get her, making her way in between the many legs that surround her. Dean takes a few tentative steps towards her, when he found himself surrounded as well.

Y/N uses the force of one the vampire grabbing her arms to spin around and jump up, the cracking sound of the bones breaking makes her smile. The fat fingers let go of her wrist and the vamp falls to his knees. In mid air from the momentum, she swings, another head rolls leaving a trail of goo behind. A blow on her chest forces her fingers open and she loses her blade. She bends over, pulling the third vamp with her. Little knife in hand straight to the neck, driving it over and over and then she’s alone in dubious silence.

Y/N gets to the foyer, on the sly, there’s no one around so she runs and crouches next to the girls, which are still tied up. “Shut the fuck up! I’m here to help you!” She whispers loudly when one of them almost screams at the sight of her.

“Where’s the tall guy?” she asks while cutting down the bindings.

“They took him!” The one less shocked tells her.

She helps them out of the house, leading them towards the cars and instructing them to stay there whilst she goes back. They cry and beg her not to leave them. “I’ll be back!” She promises.

Inside the house everything’s quiet, too quiet. She gets in through the back again, hiding behind some wood boxes and old furniture, peeking around the different rooms until she sees Sam and Dean tied up back to back to a couple of chairs inside the old moldy study.

“Fuuuuuck!” she growls under her breath. Her eyes scan the room, looking for something, anything and she finds it in the form of a hole on the ceiling that obviously leads to whatever room is upstairs.

Y/N does her best to make the less amount of noise possible as she climbs up the creaky steps towards the upper floor. From the master bedroom she counts six vamps in the study, taking turns to beat up the Winchesters. After some mental calculations she comes to the conclusion that those are it, she killed a few and Sam apparently took a couple before getting his ass trapped.

With a deep breath she prepares herself and takes her chance. Y/N jumps down the hole, landing on one of shithead bloodsuckers and swings; the thud of his fat head hitting the unpolished linoleum is lost in between the roar of the battle.

She’s forced to turn around, a fist meets her halfway and she stumbles back and using the wall behind her to push herself back and head blow the fucker between the eyes.

She staggers and blinks her arm moves faster than the common eye and another head rolls. A big one tries to get her from behind but she ducks down, spins around and kicks him in the nuts. Dean and Sam both hiss while working of their bindings. The vampire falls to the ground like a tree and bang!

“That’s three! You keeping count?” she shouts. Sam smirks and puffs. Dean says nothing.

The one in the floor she hit in the nose grabs her by the ankle and Y/N goes down losing grip of her blade, Dean panics for the slightest second before noticing the handle of the machete bounded to her wrist. The vamp crawls on top of her, caging her body to the floor, Y/N knees him in the gut and with both hands thrusts the sharp blade to his throat, gagging when blood streams all over her.

Sam breaks free first, seizing his knife and slicing the head of the one coming for his still stranded brother, then helps Y/N, taking the heavy body off of her.

“Duck!” Y/N shouts mixed with a “Sammeh!” from Dean.

Sam complies and Y/N takes the head of the last standing vampire, before she drops back down to catch her breath.

“Whoa Y/N. That was… wow,” Sam stands offering a hand.

“I know,” she chuckles still panting for air.

“Yeah, yeah.. Whatever.” Dean finally gets himself out of his ropes.

Later that evening, after a shower and a quick dinner they sit, the three of them at the local pub. Small table, beers and shots. Y/N next to Sam and this one next to his brother. And Dean suspects she picked that place purposely, because her legs keep bumping his. How does he knows are her legs and not Sam’s, well for starters are slightly smaller and every time it happens he looks at her and she licks her lips.

“How did you manage to get caught anyway? I mean I took three like that.” Y/N emphasizes with a finger snap before downing another shot as if it were water. “You guys are the Winchesters!” she continues with quick pony shake. “You stopped like… what? Ten apocalypses and can’t take a few vamps?” she jokes and a very cheerful Sam laughs, even Dean has to admit that’s kinda ironic and smiles a bit.

“I have to confess, I was a little doubtful about your…um abilities when I first saw you,” Sam drags his words a little too much after trying to keep up with Y/N and his big brother.

Y/N laugh, getting up from her chair. She and Sam almost the same height now that she’s standing and she pats him in the head. “Not the first and won’t be the last.” She winks at Dean and Sam snorts.

“Dude, you like her!” Sam leans on the table to say to his brother as soon as Y/N is off earshot.

“And you’re drunk.” Dean chuckles and shakes his head.

“One thing doesn’t affect the other.” Sam shrugs picking one of the shot glasses left, but his lips keep hanging when Dean snatches it from his hand.

Sam whines and Y/N comes cackling from behind making them both turn around. “They asked for my ID again and I was just asking about the restroom.

“That’s because you’re so tiny!” Sam jokes. He and Y/N get along real well, laughing, drinking, sharing anecdotes and Dean remembers why he felt attracted to her all those years back, other than her physique.

“God, I’d kill for some fries right now, but they don’t have a kitchen here,” she complains and sits down, taking the shot in Dean’s hand.

“You’re like a male version of my brother, Y/N!” he hiccups.

“I think you mean female.” Y/N laughs when the gentle drunken giant presses a kiss on her forehead when she sits down again. “What was that for?”

“For saving our lives, you know… And putting my brother in his place back then.” Sam attempts on whispering the words on Y/N’s ears, failing miserably.

“Ooh-kay… you’ve reached your limit there, Jolly Green Giant.” Dean tries to look serious breaking character when Sam sits straight putting his fists on the sides of his waist and Y/N laughs out loud, a full body laugh.

Okay, maybe she wasn’t as bad as he remembered her. After all he was also kind of an asshole back then. “Yeah, I think we should call it a night.”

“Nooo!” Sam disagrees, throwing his whole body weight down when Y/N pulls his hand. “I’m having fuuun!”

…

After a couple of failed attempts they put a giggly Sam inside the car, Y/N sitting up front, “Hey, Y/N,” he chimes like a little boy.

“What?” She turns around, leaning on the backrest.

“We should hang out, you’re pretty cool.”

“Hang out?”

“Yeah, you need give my brother your number, so he can call you.” Sam’s eyes are getting heavy and only after she promises she will give Dean her number the car ride turns silent all at once as he passes out in the back seat.

“Hey.” she’s the one breaking the silence first. “I… I wanna apologize for whatever happened, you know… I was young fighting for my place in the world, being a girl and a short person… People always mocked me and I was in a really bad mood all the time.”

“Um-yeah- I-It’s totally fine, I-I get it” Dean assure shaking his head and looking at her for a second before his eyes find the road again. “I guess it was a bit my fault too.”

“Yes,” she agrees and shrugs a little lifting her feet and folding them under herself, facing him more comfortably.  

Dean laughs and she joins him before every sound but the engine and Sam’s snores, die again. “Here we are.” Dean nods in slow motion, his right hand pulling the keys off the ignition after he parks in front of his and Sam’s room.

Y/N’s eyebrows shoot up and her lips disappear inside her mouth in a super tight smile as she returns the nod, “You wanna ditch Sam in the car with the window cracked open and fuck each other’s brains out? I’ll let you finish this time.”  

Taken aback but her proposal Dean chokes on his own spit, Y/N opens the door and gets out of the car. Dean observes her walk around the hood and fumbles with the door almost falling down on his way out of the car.

Y/N stares from where she stands by the room door digging for the key in her pocket. “Don’t forget the window.”

“He has opposable thumbs, he can open it himself.”

With four long strides Dean gets to her, lifting her body from the ground and carrying her inside the room.

If you got this far, THANKS FOR READING! (or scrolling down whatever)

Forevs @nadiandreu7 @winchesters-princess @purgatoan @whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname @thegreatficmaster @death2thevirgin @mogaruke @isis278 @marygracewinchester @lbug1025  @authoressskr @fangirl1802 @ria132love @policeofficerdean @donnaintx @feelmyroarrrr @just-another-busy-fangirl @love-kittykat21 @tanithlowisabamf @emilyymichelle @goldenangelbloodcastiel @likesiriusly @petrovadixon @bulletscrossbowpie @imagining-supernatural @kdfrqqg @bradygabrielle-blog

Dean/Jensen @anokhi07 @leather-moccasin-hero@hunterintraining1967@deansbaekaz2y5@missmotherhen@kaitlynmarie1120@tas898 @akshi8278@charliebradbury1104

Pond Dean (Smut - I apologize if I misplaced you on this list): @aprofoundbondwithdean @manawhaat @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @nichelle-my-belle @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid  @bkwrm523  @whispersandwhiskerburn @roxy-davenport @impala-dreamer @samsgoddess  @frenchybell @scorpiongirl1 @for-the-love-of-dean @mysupernaturalfics @spn-fan-girl-173 @deandoesthingstome @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @fiveleaf @deansleather @curliesallovertheplace @waywardjoy @mrswhozeewhatsis @imadeangirl-butimsamcurious @kayteonline @supernatural-jackles @wevegotworktodo @ilovedean-spn2 @quiddy-writes @babypieandwhiskey @wi-deangirl77 @deantbh @supermoonpanda @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @chaos-and-the-calm67 @memariana91 @plaidstiel-wormstache @chelsea-winchester @fandommaniacx @writingbeautifulmen @revwinchester @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell @castieltrash1 @supernaturalyobessed @ohwritever  @ruined-by-destiel @inmysparetime0 @winchester-writes @deals-with-demons @maraisabellegrey @faith-in-dean @winchestersmolder @bennyyh @clueless-gold @deanwinchesterxreader @melbelle45 @winchester-family-business

 Don’t want me to tag you anymore, want me to tag you more?? Just say the word!

[hekate1308]

Stuck Wheel

More living!Crowley because I can and the nile is more than a river. 

Read it on AO3

Somehow, he had never contemplated that they would eventually, inevitably come in contact with demons.

He’d just been... so busy getting used to this life, to actually feeling happy for the first time in... centuries, it had never occurred to him.

And yet at the same time some deep-rooted instincts resurfaced now that he was back where he belonged.

They were working a case in Wisconsin. Possession was a possibility, so Dean had drawn a demon trap in front of the door and their motel room.

Crowley opened it and automatically stopped.

Dean turned around.

“Hey, did you get the grub...” he trailed off and laughed.

“Once more for old times sake?”

“I forgot” he grumbled, passing over the devil’s trap like it was nothing because that was exactly what it was to him, these days.

“You used to put me in one often enough”.

“Well you kind of deserved it in the beginning”.

He rolled his eyes.

It turned out that possession was not only a possibility, but the solution, and soon enough they had a black-eyed son of a bitch in another devil’s trap.

Crowley should have known he’d come after him.

“Your Majesty” he snarled, “oh how they might have fallen. I didn’t believe you’d come back when I first heard of it”.

“Never count him out, isn’t that the same mistake all of you made from the beginning?” Dean asked.

“Of course you would say that, his number one fan boy...”

“I thought it was the other way around” Crowley said, “you should get your stories straight”.

“Oh, it speaks. And here I thought these days you are just the Winchester’s attack dog”.

“Not a good insult” Cas said. “It was levelled at me too once, you know”.

Crowley grinned at him.

“Want me to do the honours?”

After the exorcism, he reflected that now every demon in Hell must know and believe that he had returned.

And just like that, Crowley wasn’t just a member of the time anymore.

He was a security risk.

But when he brought it up, the boys wouldn’t hear of him leaving.

“Come on Crowley” Dean said, “We’re all targets here. You’re no special just because you were King, once”.

“But they hate me especially...”

“Because they like us so much better?” Cas asked.

“I just... I don’t want you to get into trouble because of me”.

“Have you met us?” Sam said. “We got into trouble long before we ever met you”.

If there was one thing he would never have seen coming, it was the Winchester more or less ordering him to stay with them.

Juliet whined from somewhere next to Dean.

He reached to scratch her behind the ears, earning a happy bark.

Little traitor.

“Guess I’ll stay, then” he said lightly.

But he was still worried. Naturally he’d be a target for every single one of the whiny nothings he’d had the displeasure to command for several years.

He should have known better when Ramiel hadn’t wanted the job. Yes, all the Princes of Hell had chosen to leave eventually, but still – what demon wouldn’t even be tempted by power? He’d been an idiot.

It had all laid him to his room in the bunker, though, and he was reasonably sure he’d never feel as content anywhere else.

So when Juliet came slinking into his room later that night, he sighed, patted the spot on the bed next to him and said, “Don’t worry girl, we’re not leaving”.

Maybe some of the demons, the smarter ones, had counted on it. Maybe they had suspected that he would stay, that even as a human he was too selfish to leave.

The point was, he should have known. He should have foreseen what would happen.

But instead, he went on a milk run one day (quite literally; Dean had cut down his drinking considerably, to their relief) and later woke up.

And yet he didn’t.

He slowly became aware. That was probably the most accurate description he could give.

He became aware, and he was moving.

No; his body was moving; he had little to do with it.

In fact, he had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Why was he walking back to his car when he definietyl wanted to stop?

And then he realized.

That’s right, a voice chuckled in his mind, Good Day, Your Highness.

“What did you do to my tattoo?”

I cut through it. It was easy enough once I had you.

“Let go off me right this instant!”

Really? You think it will be that easy? Oh no.

“What are you going to do?”

What do you think? You’re the one who betrayed us, and now you’ve turned human too. Pathetic. I’ll skin the Winchesters and their angel alive, and you’ll watch.

“The Hell I will”.

Ah, yes, Hell. You hated it from the beginning, didn’t you? And we were so stupid as to fear you. You. Look at you.

“I’d rathe you not look in a mirror; you’d only realize just how good I look”.

You think you can be sassy? To me?

Crowley was thinking fast. While he was human, he didn’t think of himself as quite so average as to be unable to break through one pithy demon’s control. It couldn’t be just any minion possessing him.

“Elliott?”

He’d been one of the strongest black-eyed demons he’d met. Crowley had always been careful around him, lest he suddenly grew a backbone; and it seemed he now considered himself superior to him.

What a pathetic piece of –

I have access to your thoughts. You know that, right? To your every memory. Oh my, we do have a terribly sweet spot for the elder Winchester after all, don’t we?

“None of your business”.

It is my business. I have to play you convincingly, you see. I don’t think it’ll be hard; they don’t care enough to pay attention to your every move anyway.

He hated that the insult stung. It was just normal for demons to go after one’s insecurities, and yes, on his bad nights he still worried that the boys were just biding their time before kicking him out when he least expected it.

But he couldn’t allow himself to be distracted.

He couldn’t break through the control, at least for now.

It was time for a tactical withdrawal.

So that was exactly what he did. He built a small wall in a corner of his mind where he could hide behind, even as the demon (and when had he started to think of demons like this anyway? He remembered realizing it, back in the other world, when the other campers had talked about “us” and “them” and he’d suddenly found himself thinking of himself as part of “us”) taunted him some more.

They only took you in just to drop you in a short while, just you wait for it. I wish I could wait and watch, but that’s not really my style.

“Yes, I remember, your style is to cower before whoever’s in charge and hope not to get killed” Crowley said to distract while he was busy building his shields.

Look who’s in charge now.

Crowley found himself suddenly thankful for his habit of killing his own meat suits rather quickly after taking possession of them. This was one of the worst things he had ever experienced, and he remembered every second of his transformation into a demon.

It was just... disconcerting, not being in control.

I think I’ll keep Dean for last, Elliott said, trying to taunt him from his hiding place. I’ll make him watch me killing all the others, knowing it’s your fault, and then –

He didn’t listen.

He had better things to do.

Alright, so he had no control over his body at large; but as long as he was careful, and Elliott was still boasting...

Yes. There. He could wriggle the fingers of his left hand without him noticing – not much, you’d think if you didn’t know better.

But Crowley did.

Because he was certain that Elliott was making the same mistake as so many had demons and villains and whoever else had crossed the Winchesters’ path had made over the years.

He was underestimating them.

Especially Dean.

There was a reason he had never tried possessing someone close to them.

And so he let Elliott babble on and relaxed. For now.

He felt it when he entered the motel room.

He’d always known when the boys were near.

“Hello, boys”.

Alright, that wasn’t even a bad impression.

“Still side-stepping the devil’s trap, I see”.

“Old habits die hard, Squirrel.”

Crowley realized he couldn’t tell if Dean was suspicious or not.

If he’d had control of his throat, he would have swallowed.

The evening went on as it normally would have, but he desperately tried to tap Not me in Morse code against his thigh. He couldn’t do it all the time, of course, and he hoped that none of them would be stupid enough to ask.

Yes, he might just be a simple demon, but he could still do more than enough damage.

As far as he could tell, the boys were acting normal, which of course might just have been a ploy, but how was he supposed to know when he couldn’t see anything?

This was rather annoying.

Elliott now and then tried to get a reaction out of him, but stopped when he gave him nothing.

Demons. Pitiful, really.

But still dangerous.

And so he kept doing Morse code in irregular intervals.

Not me.

Not me.

Not me.

It seemed like they arrived back at the bunker, Elliott happily registering he was in “the Winchesters’ sanctuary” while Crowley swore if he even touched his book collection he’d kill him.

But then something strange happened.

“Crowley” Dean called out, sounding annoyed, “Can you please take your puppy for a walk? She’s about to wreak havoc in the library”.

Juliet was a very well-trained hell hound. She’d never dare to make a mess.

And Dean knew that. Very well.

Crowley closed his eyes (or would have, at least, if he hadn’t been imprisoned in his own mind) and conjured up the emotion of fond annoyance Elliott was probably expecting.

Ah, yes, your dog. Might be tempted to kill her, but that would give me away a little too early in the game, don’t you think?

He ignored him. There was no point in engaging in conversation.

Snarling.

Of course Juliet knew.

Good girl.

Sadly, the boys seemed to already have left the room.

“Shut up, you abomination. You were the only one ever loyal to him in Hell.”

He had to admit that hurt just a little. He’d tried his outmost to make life easier for all of them, but of course they couldn’t have just listened.

Stupid bastards.

“Come on”.

Elliott dragged Juliet across the forest floor.

He’d pay for that.

And yet, while he was preoccupied, Crowley managed to reach into his pocket –

Damn it, he’d used both of his hands to readjust Juliet’s collar. He’d wanted to text Dean.

I might bring in others to watch when I deal with your friends. After that... every demon in Hell would respect me.

“So that’s it? You want the throne? You could have it, but I suppose someone like you doesn’t have the metal capacity – “

Pain ripped through him.

Yes, he was really glad he’d killed that literary agent quickly all those years ago.

But thankfully, a surprise waited for them at the bunker.

Yes, he had memorized the position of every devil’s trap long ago.

Which was why he knew there hadn’t been one on the kitchen ceiling.

And that was where the boys were waiting.

“Got you, you son of a bitch.”

Dean. Thank God.

He felt Elliott’s rage and wished he could smile.

“Did you ever really think I came back human? I just knew – “

Dear God, was he really trying –

“How stupid do you think we are?”

Yes. Tell him, Dean.

“Well” he drawled, “I don’t see why a washed up ha-been should be a better companion than I am. I can offer you a bargain –“

“You know what? I’m not doing that. You’re hurting my friend, Juliet’s whimpering, so you were an asshole to her too, and I should have started dinner an hour ago. Cas, do the honours. Oh, and whoever you are, you son of a bitch: Tell the others that Crowley is our friend, and if you come after him, you come after all of us”.

He heard the beginning of an exorcism and then everything went black.

When he came to, unsurprisingly Juliet was lying next to him on the bed, occasionally barking happily, and Dean was sitting in his room, waiting for him to wake up.

“There you are. Everything alright?”

“Yes. Thank you”.

“Please. He was a terrible actor. I knew that wasn’t you the second you stepped into the room, even before you started sending out signals in Morse Code. But then I usually do with family.”

He told himself his eyes weren’t getting wet.

“I hoped you would”.

“Seriously, his micro expressions were all wrong... And you haven’t had that evil gleam in your eyes in years”.

He reached out to stroke Juliet and ensure she wasn’t hurt.

“The demons... by now every single one of them must know I’m back”.

“Yeah. But then, what’s a few demons?”

“We’re talking about all of Hell.”

“Which we’ve taken on several times already. We’ll be fine. Don’t even start”.

“You don’t know what I was about – “

“You were about to give me a noble speech how we’d be better off if you left. Spare me. I’ve been there myself”.

“So I don’t get a say?”

“Sure, you can leave, but I really hope you don’t, and I know for a fact you don’t want to”.

“Since you are such an expert, Squirrel – “

“On you, your Majesty? Hell yeah I am. Come on; dinner’s ready. Don’t worry, I put a medallion round your neck until we can get your tattoo fixed”.

When he was gone, Juliet rubbed her head against Crowley’s hand and sniffled.

“I know. Me too. Let’s go”.

And he got up to have dinner with his... family.

[mittensmorgul]

Alicia's death gives me Charlie feels (a bit). Neither of their deaths looked realistic. Charlie is smart, yet she runs away from her badass caretaker (Castiel) and hides in a small motel with no weapons or security, because she became too overwhelmed to stay still. Alicia is similar, couldn't accept her mother was dead, not like her brother did, and was begging and begging for fake Tasha to wake up. Fake Tasha wakes up and Alicia's all smiley. A normal hunter would be suspicious of that thing!

Yeah... but I think this specifically is a case that was meant to parallel Alicia to Sam around the end of s1. When John was possessed by Azazel, and Dean was holding him at gunpoint. Sam doubted at first, but HE SIDED WITH DEAN. He trusted Dean’s assessment. It saved his life.

(he still couldn’t kill John even if it meant killing the demon, because they would find a better way...)

But Alicia refused to believe that wasn’t her mother. She didn’t trust Max’s assessment of the situation. Nor Sam’s nor Dean’s. Alicia, for whatever reason (she loved her mom, she KNEW her mom, they were just having “girl time,” and she hadn’t seen any of the horror-- her mother’s body, the other twig people, the evil of the witch controlling them. To her eyes, it was her brother who’d gone mad and was torturing her mother. It was HIM who laid whatever spell on her that seemed to be causing her pain, because she didn’t understand the magic that they used.

This is partly what I meant by all the broken mirrors. This is where these broken reflections are highlighting DIFFERENCES. But also paralleling old events with Sam and Dean’s current situation. Because on the surface level this looks like a “worst case scenario” out of Sam and Dean’s past, you start diving below the surface and see how that broken mirror is reflecting a veritable rainbow of the past for both Sam and Dean, as well as where they stand right now.

Let’s start RIGHT FRIGGIN’ NOW! (heh I just watched 7.14 the other day and I still laugh at that title card)

It comes down to belief and doubt. But in this case, DOUBT WAS THE CORRECT AND LIFESAVING MINDSET. Not trusting the surface layer evidence, but looking deeper to spot the ~wrongness~ buried beneath that surface layer. If Alicia hadn’t relied on the surface-layer performance the twig doll was putting on, she may have intuited that something was just not quite right with her. It was almost as if she willfully ignored the inconsistencies that would’ve pinged Dean’s radar so hard if he’d actually known Tasha before. Like the fact that Tasha hadn’t been returning Alicia’s calls that had made Alicia so desperate to drag Sam and Dean into the investigation in the first place. She’d been worried, but SHE accepted Tasha’s explanation for the lapse in her regular behavior, so Dean (and Sam) trusted Max and Alicia’s acceptance. They didn’t have reason NOT to.

Contrast that to Dean’s concerns about Cas, which Sam isn’t outright dismissing, but he is objectively doing everything they are capable of doing in order to find him. But also compare it to Dean’s reaction to Mary’s THREE SECOND LONG voicemail that Dean listened to at the end of the episode. Coming right on the heels of her reassuring and rather motherly message of concern for him, the, “Dean, we have a problem,” was practically a call to arms for Dean. He went from 0 to 60 in three seconds, and he recognized the EMERGENCY nature that message implied.

Looking back at the entirety of canon, they’ve been faced with these tests of belief over and over again, faith and doubt, belief vs reality. And s12 is making Sam and Dean (and US) really examine the foundations supporting those beliefs and seeing what’s really at the heart of everything.

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

[Prefacing this by saying that the following will feature discussion and spec spinning that due to parallels may put some character in a very unfavourable light. I am talking about possibility and theory here so please don’t mistake any theory spinning for hate on characters.]

So I continued my “desperate to find something in this season that may miraculously turn my feelings on it around”-rewatch of S12 and last episode for that was 12x04 “American Nightmare”. At the time when the episode aired the story seemed like a textbook story focused on Sam and his past as a kid with psychic abilities, but if we truly assume that further down the line at some point this season the BritMoL may label Dean as a “rogue” that needs to be taken care of/defused/reformed or whatever else, it sure sends out some very troubling possibilities (I have to admit though given the BTS pics of the episodes it doesn’t seem as if Dean is separated from the rest, that may not have to mean anything, because the BritMoL could try and assert their control over Dean in other ways, but if they truly go down the road of torture/mind control/brainwashing as talked about the past couple of days, I think will rather be part of the season finale’s cliffhanger and not so much topic of the current season).

The key aspect of this episode was that Magda was “dead” to the world and in a way also to her family due them resenting her abilities that they thought unbearable and in need of reformation. They were - and especially the mother - of the mind that that could be brought on through self torture and praying. In her mind they kept Magda locked up and made society believe she died in order to protect the rest of the world from her. The whole family knew about that secret. All of them played along. Neither father nor brother intervened when Magda was made to beat herself up (literally), but considered her “to be their burden” and their “cross to bear” . Seriously, this episode was so freaking horrifying on so many levels back then, but if one draws possible parallels to what may lie ahead for Dean, it’s honestly truly something that would make any character to participate in such actions absolutely irredeemable - which is why I don’t think the show would go there, BUT for the sake of throwing ideas around have a couple of thoughts on it anyway.

Magda’s mother in conversation with Sam is talking about how God “showed them a better way” completely incapable of seeing her own actions as what they are: gruesome, disgusting and absolutely inexcusable. Magda’s mother in this regard almost can be considered to have brainwashed herself into believing her own twisted story. And this is where I kind of see possible parallels to Mary and possibly even Sam, most of all however to the BritMoL with their elitist view on on the hunting community and thinking they know best and their methods are the right ones. Because Mary too has been talking about the BritMoL and how they “show them a better way” . It seems even though she must deep down know that the BritMoL are shady as hell, she is desperate to believe the lie and motto they sell, to the point none of them even needs to manipulate her, but Mary does the brainwashing herself, because she wants the BritMoL to be right so very much. Similarly Sam is open to tag along with that, because he actually is afraid of losing Mary and therefore swallows the shit they sell and then even goes as far as manipulating Dean to work for the BritMoL without his knowledge. His “give me some time”” to Mick is all kinds of unnerving when you think of it as a strategy - basically emotional blackmail - to use Dean’s wish of his family to be together against him and in that regard completely ignore Dean’s doubts and dislikes of working with the BritMoL.

So what it comes down to if we follow through with Magda’s predicament as a possible loose mirror for what may lie ahead for Dean, then it could either be that the BritMoL may make Sam and Mary believe Dean died (as @lost-shoe suggested for example) while they do god knows what to him, because they think they do the right thing, because Dean as a “rogue” like Magda as possesse by the “devil” needs to be defused. Or - and I kind of can’t imagine the show to go this road, because it would render Mary and Sam absolutely irredeemable - Sam and Mary may be so completely swayed by the BritMoL that they may think Dean truly needs to be “reformed” and therefore like Magda’s brother and father just stand by and don’t intervene - possibly because they don’t know the full story of what the BritMoL tell them. Again, I think it is rather unlikely to be the case as I can’t imagine an dearly hope that Mary and Sam even at the suggestion to harm Dean would get the fuck out, but if one wanted to stick to the general parallel, one may think of it as a possibility. Either way, even if none of this happens, no one pretends Dean is dead, Dean won’t be subjected to torture or mind control or brainwashing, one thing still remains the same. By completely ignoring Dean hesitancy, his emotions, doubts and wishes in a way Sam and Mary have already rendered Dean “dead” to them in a metaphorical sense, simply because they don’t care about Dean’s feelings on this matter at all…

[speckledspout]

The furthest that he had gotten with Dean was a kiss. One simple kiss that was the product of a little too much alcohol and hidden desires brought to light by a bonfire by the river. It was once kiss that Dean would have rather forgotten because it had not only intoxicated himself, but it had intoxicated Sam.

It was an act that was acted upon out of impulse and it had promised Sam all kinds of things that it should have never promised Sam. And it confirmed everything that he thought was true.

Dean wanted him. You don’t just kiss someone like that, stick your tongue down their throat like that, if there wasn’t something deep inside you that made you act out on it. Besides, Sam wasn’t the one that had started it. He was perfectly happy sipping on a beer, watching the flames go up in smoke, sitting side by side with his brother, thighs touching. And then Dean had kissed him and he was certain Dean would have done a lot more if it weren’t for everyone else around them, suddenly cheering and cat calling them like they were on fucking display and Dean pulled away, blushing.

Dean never blushed. Mister ‘talk about sex like it was nothing more than politics over breakfast’ was blushing.

They left shortly after that.

Of course in the morning, Dean acted like the night before never happened and tried to desperately pretend that they were still just brothers and not something more. Something that they both wanted.

Sam tried, oh he tried with everything that he had for Dean to do something again like that night they were at the bonfire. Another kiss. Anything to make Dean realize that it wasn’t just a one time thing, that Sam really fucking wanted this. That the feelings weren’t one sided.

Sam could see how much he was in Dean’s blood. Everything he did, Sam was on the forefront of his mind but Dean was good. Or at least he tried to be good. Good brothers didn’t dream about their little brothers spread wide on the bed for him, an image of innocence just waiting for corruption. 

But nothing Sam did could break the stone soldier that his brother was. He had lost track the number of times that he purposely jerked off next to Dean at night, coming with Dean’s name on his lips (Dean always had to sneak off into the bathroom shortly after Sam’s breathing evened out and god, those walls weren’t ever thin enough for Sam to hear everything that he wanted to hear). And not even the time when Sam had stolen that leather jacket that dad had given to Dean for his birthday one year, wrapped his body in it completely naked and laid out on the bed, waiting for Dean to get home. A little present all wrapped up in sin for him.

Of course that time, Dean just turned around and walked out only returning in the middle of the night smelling like booze and cigarettes and cheap perfume, tacky lipstick coating his lips and neck.

Sam wasn’t jealous thought. It was only a matter of time before Dean broke and when he broke, he was going to shatter.

Dean was possessive of Sam. Even though they were most certainly not together, Dean was possessive of him. Anytime some unfortunate girl at the diner would try to flirt with Sam, leave him a lollipop because he was cute or whatever, Dean would call for the check early, didn’t matter if he had half a burger left or not and he would drag Sam out of that diner, his fingers leaving crescent shaped bruises in his arm.

Sam was a blushing sophomore in high school, with his hazel eyes and shaggy brown hair. Limbs that seemed to go on for days with no end that he had no control over. He kept his head bent, focusing on his work, paid attention to his teachers. Never got anything below a B on any test. Teachers praised him. Fellow classmates despised of him.

That was until some senior boy who played football for the school asked Sam one day in his history class if Sam would do his homework for him. The senior boy was expecting Sam to say no and he was expecting to scare Sam into it. what he wasn’t expecting was for Sam to say yes. With terms attached of course but Sam said yes and the senior boy agreed.

Sam met up with the boy after school one day, before football practice and sucked him off in between the rows of the locker room. The boy was brutal, snapped his hips against Sam but nonetheless, Sam was pleased when he left school that day, his bag full of another paper to write.

The senior boy got a B on the paper and this time when he asked Sam to do his homework, he had a couple more buddies wanting Sam to do the same. Sam sucked them all off and when they were done with him, he wiped their come from their face and climbed into the front seat of the Impala and Dean was none the wiser.

It soon got out that little Samuel Winchester was not as innocent as he claimed to be.

He would do their homework all in return if they used his mouth and they used him good. There would be times that he would be called out of class by a note that was slipped to one of the office staff by one of the football players (or baseball players or basketball players or...) and he would run off to whatever bathroom they were in.

It seemed that everyday there was someone else calling him their little boy, so easy to please. Their geeky little boy that they could use just so he could jerk off at home doing their homework.

More than once they asked if they could fuck him, they wanted to bend him over anything and take him from behind but Sam said that he ass was reserved for someone else.

Weeks of this turned into a couple of months and it was well known just was Samuel Winchester was and Sam had long ago ignored the catcalls and wolf whistles that were sent his way.

He was sitting in calculus, racking his brain over a problem when a tentative knock interrupted the otherwise peaceful classroom and yet again, there was a note for Sam Winchester.

Sam blushed as he raised from his seat, choosing not to take the note from his teacher (knowing that when he left, curiosity would overcome his teacher and she would open that letter and see just why Sam was so often called out of class for).

They found him in the bathroom on his knees, hands clasped behind his back, his mouth stuffed full of some guy who he knew nothing about other than the fact that he was on the baseball team.

The guy rushed to push Sam off of him and pull his pants up but Sam rose, just waiting for every other piece to fall into place.

He sat in the principal’s office, watching the woman yet again calling the number that they had on file that Sam knew would never go through because John had lost that phone ages ago. Sam made sure of it.

Finally she sighed, putting the phone down, addressing Sam for the first time of the day. “Is there another number that we can try? Someone else that we can contact?”

Sam ducked his head, pretending to be ashamed of what he had done, even managed to blush a little more as he spouted off Dean’s number and she huffed as she pushed the number into the receiver.

Dean was there in recorder time, wearing one of those cheap suits that he was fitted in a little while ago so that he would seem more professional when he interviewed witnesses. A suit and an easy smile suddenly made you a credible person to talk too.

He was fuming as he walked into the small office and he refused to even look at Sam. The principal wouldn’t tell him what Sam did other than the fact that he really needed to get to school as quickly as he could.

In all honesty, the school wasn’t sure what to think. They were worried that Sam was forced into this, that that boy made him get on his knees but one look Sam’s way and that coy smile on his lips told Dean everything he needed to know.

Dean reassured the lady that they weren’t going to press charges for rape. It was probably just ‘boys being boys’, fooling around or what have you and the principal seemed relieved. More than relieved and she said that she wished that she didn’t have to suspend Sam but it was in the handbook. Any sexual misconduct resulted in a week’s suspension.

Dean wouldn’t talk to Sam, wouldn’t look at him, wouldn’t even address the fact that Sam was in the car with him as they drove back to the car, anger slowing boiling to the point that it was going to boil over.

Sam was the first one in the motel room, Dean pushed him through the door and he gasped when Dean suddenly clasped his hand around his shoulder, shoving him up against the wall.

“Just what do you think you’re doing, Sam?” He hissed. “Giving yourself up like that to anyone who would use you when you’re already mine? Was it all to get back at me? Make me want you even more than I already do?”

Dean could always see through Sam, see Sam’s true intentions.

Sam tried to say something, open his mouth and say that he wasn’t Dean’s. He was his own damn person and Dean didn’t own him and he could do whatever he wanted to do with his body but Dean covered his mouth with a calloused hand, the other going to his throat, effectively cutting off his air supply.

Dean looked down at Sam, fire in his eyes, watching as his brother struggled uselessly underneath him as his lungs screamed for air.

Then all at once, Dean’s hands disappeared from Sam’s body and Sam was able to get one breath in before Dean was kissing him, hard and wanting and controlling and it was everything that Sam wanted.

Dean pushed Sam down to his knees, told him to use that little mouth like the good little school slut he was and Sam used every trick that he had learned to get Dean off.

When Dean had come down the back of his throat, pulling out of his mouth only to coat his beautiful brothers face, he got down on his knees, eye level with his little brother and licked his face clean. Felt the way that Sam shuddered underneath his tongue and soft fingertips.

Then he hauled Sam back up to his feet and tossed Sam onto the bed and took him every way that he ever wanted too.

Needless to say, they didn’t leave the motel room for the entire duration of Sam’s suspension and Dean learned every part of Sam’s body. Licked, kissed, touched, felt every part of him.

And when Sam returned to school the next week, the same senior boy came up to him, asking if he wanted to do the guys homework, Sam looked up at him, his eyes wide and innocent.

“Not anymore. My daddy’s talking care of me now.”

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