#because he thought he could redeem him

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

WAIIIIIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT HOW DID I JUST NOW LEARN AFTER ALL THIS TIME--

Like, I've known about the religious aspect of Javert's death! Catholic theology taught that suicide was a mortal sin, meaning a sin that would send you to hell--Javert, who is described as exactingly religious (viewing religion as another authoritative structure, in contrast to Valjean's personal faith), was so distraught over the error and failure of his worldview, that he broke what he'd regarded as a sacred rule to punish himself and condemn himself to hell. I've known this! And it's agonizing!!

But then I read a YouTube comment of all things, and maybe this is an old take but it just eviscerated me:

At the time of Javert's death, suicide was a crime in France.

His last act was to break the law.

Mr. Hugo, I'd like to retire now, you're giving me too many emotions to process.

[aparticularbandit]

"i wanted to play someone whose flame of hope would never extinguish."

THINKING ABOUT ZERXUS ILEREZ AND MAKOTO NAEGI.

thinking about zerxus ilerez and makoto naegi.

thinking about zerxus as a redemption paladin to the extreme.

thinking about zerxus and the understanding that everyone can be redeemed but not realizing that doesn't mean he can redeem everyone.

thinking about makoto naegi inviting junko to leave with them after the killing game.

thinking about defeat equals friendship and makoto's hope used as a source of redemption for the remnants.

thinking about zerxus ilerez and how he ended up.

thinking about zerxus ilerez and makoto naegi.

[deiaiko]

#19.3 Unravel

It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.

Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.

They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.

Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"

Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"

"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"

"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."

"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"

"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."

"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.

Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.

"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"

Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arm ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday. 

Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.

Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"

"There's always a chance–"

"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."

Grace fell silent and went still.

Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"

"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"

"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.

Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."

"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.

Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"

"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.

Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."

Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.

"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."

Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.

Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.

Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.

Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."

Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.

When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.

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[thecoolerliauditore]

I've seen alot of takes from both toxic fh truthers and fh shippers that Scott will never ever get over Jimmy and will obsess over him until he dies forever which. I don't fault anyone for asserting considering that fucker has two jokes and one of them is lolol remember fh But. I think there's something to be said about how Scott has shown time and time again he really is not in love with any personal qualities Jimmy possesses (quite the opposite actually, he seems to find Jimmy obnoxious more often than not during third life including when Jimmy is not really even doing anything) but is rather entranced with the romantic fantasy that Jimmy brings.

Jimmy is, after all, young and pretty and in love and someone he feels relies on him and lets him feel useful so it's not hard to assign him as husband and leave it at that. I don't think Scott is quite in love with Jimmy tbh but I do think he's very much in love with his husband (jimmy). If that makes sense.

With that in mind, I think it's then fascinating when you look at the universes where FH assumably never existed or where he is able to find a replacement for his romantic fantasy relationship. Witchcraft Scott has Milo and Rat Scott has his weird platonic(????) thing with Owen and Pirate Scott focused on his brother instead, Scott tends to actually move on pretty well and adjust to being more. Chill.

Now then if I said last life Scott almost got to this point with his thing with GGG and Pearl specifically challenging his worldview. And then he fucked it all up. Then

[spinnysocks]

kiburi x ushari but specifically doomed kiburi x ushari. more than anyone else in the army they believe with full sincerity that scar's plan HAS to work because they can't succeed without him

[mismefancy]

He suggested pancakes in the finale, so I'll draw pancakes for the father and daughter. : )

I'm not really in the Hazbin/Helluva fandom nor do I consume their content as often. There is also the fact the fact their type of content isn't my usual content...

But you know the drill: Family stuff convinces me of anything, lol. Lucifer became an instant favourite character of mine. He was absolutely hilarious to watch, his relationship with his daughter made me emotional, and his song "More than anything" absolutely wrecked me gosh darn it! :'D

And with the implication that he might become part of the main cast gives me so much excitement for season 2.

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

"But why would Sonic still be friends with them why wouldn’t he denounce them or treat them like the villains they are? Why won't he realize they're just evil?"

First of all, has it perhaps occured to you that Sonic loves/cares for them no matter what they do and doesn't want to hurt them if he doesn't have to? Has it perhaps occurred to you that he doesn't see them like irredeemable villains and it's not because he's a dumb dumb idiot?

Second of all, haha keep talking and I'm gonna unroll my character analysis essay. "They're just evil" yeah that's rich. Bet you thought the ending of the series was about "redeeming" them too, huh?

[chibi-scone]

It’s been said before and the fact that I’m an Izzy simp aside like having a character who survives the most certain death shit ever (shooting himself in the head at point blank) and literally being nicknamed by another character “indestructible” and then become a symbol of protection for a whole group of people die from a fucking bullet to the side that was established in universe to have no vital organs in order to “atone for his sins” or however you wanna spin it and have him say he wants to go after (see point one) literally trying to kill himself in the show that is literally about growth and betterment of the self in a cruel world that wants you dead and where the main (and mostly queer) characters survive the most batshit insane injuries is like COSMICALLY stupid writing like I don’t even understand how you get there and the fact that it’s supposed to be a kind/ happy/meaningful ending is beyond me

[dullahandyke]

didnt even touch on the sandra lynn stuff int he tags of the last post bcos if i talk about her im liable to explode. get behind me, middle-aged divorced woman proficient in archery

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

last post for the night i swear

the real tragic part about the whole science fair incident is that perpetual motion is impossible to achieve

ford’s machine would have never worked, regardless of whether or not stan had interacted with it

(warning i accidentally wrote an approximately 30-tag dive into ford’s character in the tags don’t click see more if you don’t want to read that)

anyway!! good night everyone ❤️‍🩹

[sharper-than-a-serpents-tooth]

A Perfect Summer Storm once said APSS Claude wouldn't take Felix with him on his visits to the Ruby Palace because he likes to keep his lovers in separate cages, but that's not nearly as dark as I would like their relationship to be. What about Claude taking Felix with him and making him guard the door as he rapes Diana?

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

“because he never accepts that it's never been about righteousness--it's about repentance.” except javert killing himself IS repentance.

well, it’s like 12 different things, because bro had gone days without sleeping and very little food and water and he already had low self-worth and kept asking the amis to kill him and just assumed he was going to die AND THEN valjean upended his understanding of the world and morality. he was really going through it & there are a lot of overlapping reasons for why he jumps into the seine.

but javert is like Number One Most Responsible guy in the whole story. taking responsibility is his Thing (forever bitter the musical doesn’t include the punish me monsieur le maire scene). how else, in his derailment, could he atone for his conceived misdeeds other than by handing in his resignation to god? in the brick he had already left a note urging his superiors to treat convicts at toulon better, which is another step in his repentance (and another crime the musical commits by not including it). jumping into the seine was another step.

honestly a lot of ppl who like the book think the musical was dead wrong to exclude him from the big heaven group sing, because it COMPLETELY undermines the themes of forgiveness and compassion threaded throughout les mis. like the musical was simply wrong lol.

This is helpful context! I am still finishing the brick, although I have fully read the abridged version, and that detail about the letter wasn't included, so I didn't know that occurred! (And thank you for the message--this is a long response but I'd love to hear more of your thoughts!)

I agree that Javert is certainly deeply distraught and remorseful; like you mentioned, his worldview is literally falling apart, and his actions reflect his mental state. But his death isn't really repentance--in the sense that it's not what God would have wanted. To me it reads like a Judas situation: a desperate realization of a huge mistake, and doing the only thing you think can make it right, namely, ending it all. That's the just punishment for someone so wrong, isn't it?

But true repentance, meaning the repentance that the Lord desires, is about changing your ways, not "paying a price." Had Javert really understood the beauty of Valjean's mercy (an image of Christ's, just as the bishop's undeserved mercy was to Valjean himself), rather than killing himself, he would have lived to also become "an honest man"--in heart. One who could forgive and understand forgiveness, for himself as well as others. One who could recognize that he is not The Law, that he can fall, but that he can also be "brought to the light." One who could accept that men like Valjean, and men like himself, CAN change, and be changed.

It's tragic to me because so much of "Stars," and his character in the book as well as the musical, is about wanting to be righteous, to rise above his birth and the sinfulness he associates it with. It's about wanting to please the Lord by his actions. But in his end, he shows he never understood what God really wanted from him, and that's where my original phrase comes in: not righteousness, but repentance. To live, and face the man you were, knowing it's no longer the man you are. That it's never been about what you've done or can do, but about what's been done for you. That's the Gospel that he could never fully accept.

To use another example you mentioned, that misunderstanding drives why he asks the Mayor (Valjean) to punish him--in his worldview, mercy is unjust, or at the very least, unfair. Evil must be punished; "those who fall like Lucifer fell" receive "the sword." But "as it is written," God "desires mercy, not sacrifice" (Matthew 9:13). God would have wanted Javert to live, and Javert couldn't see that, and that's why it's devastating to me. In his misunderstanding of the heart of God, he misses what would have set him free from the chains of sin he's always been trying to escape.

That's why he's contrasted with Valjean, who (though he carries guilt about his past till the end of his life) is eventually able to face it and confess what he had done to those he loves. He knew there was mercy to be found, if only it was asked for. Javert was too blinded by pride and shame to realize it, and so, while broken, he never was able to truly repent.

For that, you must go on.

[rubensmuse]

the fact that you can redeem arcann but not vaylin is. i can only call it misogyny

[ukuslip]

maybe i don't care about doing a complicated think-piece on nickel's actions and how he mistreated suitcase and how he's an awful person and if you like him you hate women actually. maybe i just think it's funny when the coin is a dick. i don't think this object show shit is really that serious

[thingsseenandheard]

Trying to write a Cazador centric longfic that's all plot all the way down involving both Vellioth and Astarion in which Cazador fucks up his ritual and brings Vellioth back to life and I have so much of it figured out but I have no clue how to end it.

Cazador is obviously beyond redemption and I have no desire to take that road, he doesn't deserve it and no amount of character development I can give him would be enough for him to effectively atone for everything he's done, especially since Astarion is present and I am not going to be disregarding his trauma in favour of Cazador's. Caz redemption and him being forgiven is off the table. I don't think there's any graceful and sensitive way to write that. If I am not writing Cazador forgiving Vellioth then why would I ever write Astarion forgiving Cazador? Like yeah cycle of abuse and it's very tragic and that is an important aspect of this fic because Cazador is becomming cognizant of it and the role he's played in perpetuating it, but the biggest part of that I feel is Astarion being the one to truly break it. That's his narrative, not Cazador's, who has already been an evil abusive bastard for 200+ years. Caz has lost his chance to break the cycle and right the wrongs of the past because he's already been participating in it for so long, and sure he can work to be better going forward and that isn't nothing, but there's really very little - if anything - he could do to fix any of the wrongs he has already committed.

I don't want him to just wind up being the exact same as he was pre Events because then what's the point of the fic? He is realising that he has become the very thing he hated so fiercly and that he sees so much of his former self in Astarion because he has become Vellioth. What's the point of all that if he's just going to shrug and continue on exactly the same way? I need him to experience introspection for once in his very long life.

I don't want to kill him because it feels like a massive copout to put him through all this and force him to have difficult and painful realisations only to die immediately. There could be an interesting element of tragedy there, he realises he's been wrong only to immediately be killed at the hands of his spawn just like Vellioth was - but I think the poetry of that really works much better if Cazador has never had the self awareness to realise he has become his own worst nightmare because then it's a lot more emphasis on Astarion's agency and Astarion putting an end to the cycle. It loses a lot of it's meaning if Cazador has a change of heart but is still killed in the same way. Or he could be faced with Vellioth and Vellioth could finally kill him, but the issue there is that frankly, I don't think Vellioth would. He would just see this as an opportunity to utterly break Cazador all over again, killing him would spoil the fun before it could properly begin.

I have toyed with the idea of Cazador killing himself for a variety of reasons; maybe he realises that he will never truly be free of Vellioth, maybe he does it because he has fallen back into Vellioth's clutches and can't bear the thought of being his plaything again, but I think if I was going to take this route, it would have to be because he's realised he is Vellioth and it would be the last noble act he felt he could offer the world, to take himself out of it - but if he's taking himself out of it because he realises his own propensity for evil, he would need to take Vellioth out, too. Which could be a good ending.

But still, allowing Cazador to die as soon as he gains self awareness is giving him the easy way out. Even if he's doing it for what he feels is a noble purpose, even if he kills both himself and Vellioth, it's saving him from having to live with the fact that he has done bad things and regardless of what his self perception was or what he wanted or any intentions he ever had, he and Vellioth were one in the same. If I am making him come to this realisation, then I feel it is most meaningful if he has to live with it.

Which brings it back around to Cazador is beyond redemption, so what do I do with that?

Given the way I am writing pre-vamp Caz and spawn Caz as having been a very different person to the Lord Szarr that he's become, idealistic and principled and noble, and throughout his time as a spawn utterly determined to never be like Vellioth - until of course, his determination crumbles under the weight of all the torture and his focus shifts from remaining himself to simply remaining alive - if he gains self awareness and realises that he and Vellioth are now one in the same, I need to find him a good reason to not off himself because I think that would be the natural progression for him. He pushes down any emotion tying him to the foolish weakling he used to be, and when that returns to him combined with realising fully and plainly what he's become, why would he not want to die?

So the question becomes, what would it take to give Cazador the will to live that doesn't also veer into the terriroty of a redemption/forgiveness arc?

Much to consider.

[kageyama-ritsu]

idk theres something about makotos overarching character arc being that he basically decided to devote his whole self into doing something he loves (being an idol and being part of trickstar) and sticking with it even when it consistently drags him outside of his comfort zone

parallels with his modelling career where he was also repeatedly pulled outside of his comfort zone, but in ways where he was being taken advantage of, where it was done to the detriment of his own self, something he wished he could escape from but circumstances prevented him from doing so until he reached a breaking point and physically could not continue anymore.

now he's constantly being pushed to do things like take charge, assert himself, and gain self-confidence, even when he doesn't quite feel comfortable in doing so. he fights back when he doesn't think he's being valued as a human being with his own desires and wants. every time he's pushed out of his comfort zone, it's for his own benefit - and even if it isn't, he finds a way to put a positive spin on it. and most importantly (to me anyways), he does this all while pursuing his dream of becoming an idol, something that doesn't come as naturally to him as modelling did, something he still feels inadequate about and is unsure he even has the talent for. but he works his ass off to be an idol despite the fact that he can quit anytime BECAUSE he loves the new path he's chosen so much