#because he knows its his fault too how my career ended | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gyumibear · 1 year ago

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💖 create a sim(p)! — 25: rough

synopsis — after stupidly claiming on stream that you’ve been dating popular youtuber choi beomgyu in secret after accidentally creating an identically looking sim, you beg him not to reveal your lie to the public when it goes viral. weirdly, he agrees and you two begin to fool the public. can your lie become the truth or will it eventually catch up with you?

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warnings — swearing + heavy angst, bad coping mechanisms, yn's not thinking things through. allusions to “suicide”, but there’s no suicide. (wc: ~1.4k)

It was like time had stopped.

Your eyes were glued to the screen in front of you, the blue light reflected in your eyes. Long had the screen gone black, evidence of the ended stream in front of you. You could vaguely feel Yeonjun’s presence next to you, but the ringing in your ears subjected you to only be able to stare forward.

Why. Why? Why?!

Beomgyu. Why would he- why? It was so hard to fathom; what could he have been thinking? Did he really think everything would be fixed after that? That everything wouldn’t fall apart even more than it already had?! Now, you were off even worse than before.

He was selfish.

So unbelievably selfish. Because he couldn’t ‘keep up the charade.’ No. He wasn’t selfish. He was a fucking liar. A manipulator. Going out of his way to make sure that everything would leave him looking like the victim. The way he worded the stream, blaming everything on you. The fake dating had been your idea, yes, but he was just as involved! He didn’t have to agree! He could’ve fucking said no! No, he only sold you out because… Because… Because?

You didn’t know.

“Hey…” Warmth enveloped your torso, Yeonjun’s strong, assuring arms wrapping around you. “Come on, let’s go to the kitchen.”

You just let him drag you along, not having the mental capacity to fight back.

He released you when you plopped into the barstool of the hotel’s island counter. Crossing behind the other side of the island, he reached into the fridge to find something. You didn’t know what. You weren’t exactly focused on the black-haired model in front of you. You were too occupied calling Beomgyu every negative adjective conceivable in your head.

A crisp bottle of water slid in front of you, your eyes unfocused on its shape.

“You should drink this. Tears cause dehydration, you know…” Yeonjun spoke softly from somewhere in the room.

You were crying? You hadn’t noticed.

“I’m really sorry, Yn…” He kept speaking, barely making it past the ringing. “He’s so… Stupid.”

Stupid was an understatement.

“How bad is it?” Your own strained voice.

“How bad is what?”

“The backlash… Am I trending?”

“I don’t know… Don’t worry about that right now.”

“What am I supposed to worry about then, Jun? My career… Shit, what am I supposed to do to fix it? Everyone thinks I’m a liar. A user.”

“Not everyone.” Arms again around your body, you nuzzled your back into his chest. “We can fix this.”

“We?” You asked. “Jun, you don’t have to help me. We barely know each other.”

“That doesn’t matter. You’re my friend… And this is sort of my fault.”

No. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but Beomgyu’s.

“If I hadn’t gotten so close to you–”

“Can we talk about something else… I just– My head is pounding.”

A lie. You currently felt nothing. But, you didn’t want Yeonjun to have to dwell on feelings that were not his fault. Nobody was to blame for this, but Beomgyu. He was the problem. He was the cause.

“Drink your water.” He scolded you lightly, “I told you tears cause dehydration…”

–

“We came straight here.” Soobin stepped into view before your vision became obscured.

Kai threw himself at you, his familiar hold making you tear up once again. He squeezed you firmly, but not enough to hurt. Just enough to comfort. He murmured apologies, ones he shouldn’t be making, holding you as you’d disappear into the ground if he let go of you just for a second. You had a feeling he’d be mother-henning you for the next few days if he wasn’t stopped.

You didn’t think you’d argue against that. Not right now anyway.

“Thank you for taking care of her.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Yeonjun responded in kind, “You must be Soobin.”

Soobin nodded, pointing slightly in your direction. “And that’s Kai.”

When Kai finally let you breathe, you pulled back enough to see that his eyes were red. Probably matching yours. But his face wasn’t streaked with tears, not like yours. That led you to the conclusion that he probably hadn’t slept since the stream came out. Oh, Kai…

“Ning, have you slept?”

“No. How could I?” He pursed his lips before speaking again. This time not to you. “What do we do?”

“We go home,” Soobin shrugged. “We kick that… We kick him out. Then you and Yn get some rest.”

You and Kai nodded solemnly, both not wanting to argue.

“I hate to ask, but can I come? I feel like I and Beomgyu have a lot to talk about.”

“Mm.. ‘s up to you.” Soobin shrugged again. “As long as he gets out of my house.”

You felt like the next few hours might take some years off your life.

–

Coward.

He was a coward. That was what your mind told you when the four of you had made it to your front door. The house was intact, doors locked securely. But… There was a sticky note, most likely from your room, left right dab smack in the middle of the door. It read: I’m sorry. I took all my stuff and I got a motel. I know you don’t want to speak with me, that’s okay. I’ll be going home soon anyway.

“Well, that’s that I guess.” Yeonjun broke the silence, all of you turning to look at him.

“Maybe it’s better off this way.” Soobin turned to unlock the door for you all. “I don’t think anyone was really ready for a confrontation.”

You stumbled into the apartment behind him, Kai and Yeonjun taking up the rear. Everything inside was normal too. Nothing out of place or taken, not that you thought he would steal. However, you thought bitterly to yourself, you thought Beomgyu wouldn’t do a lot of things. Clearly, this time of you getting to know him was a waste. God, you had the worst case of judgment sometimes.

“So what now?”

The boys started chatting, trying to figure out the next move. You tried your best to listen along, but you just… couldn’t. The longer you stood there, the more your mind was being made up. Soon, you excused yourself from the circle, complaining of a headache. ‘Just going to lie down.’ You spoke. Their worried eyes bore into your back as you disappeared into your room.

You were going to crumple into your bed, but your tired eyes noticed something first. A letter. It was laid neatly on your bed, words written almost neatly, but also as if whoever had written them was rushed. You were going to ignore it, but you knew your curiosity would win. It was a human thing.

You picked it up, letting your eyes glide over the words. Face neutral, your eyes took in every word but widened over time as an indescribable rage filled you. You got to the last line of the letter, letting you know who had written you this bullshit of a final letter. ‘Love, Beomgyu.’

You crumpled it into a ball, throwing it into a corner of your room. Full of shit. He was full of shit. How could you have ever thought he could’ve really meant something to you? He was nothing.

And soon, /you’d/ be nothing too.

You made your way over to your computer, typing in the website for your streams. Scrolling until you found what you were looking for, your eyes bore into your screen. It was like time was moving slowly again, as your conscious tried desperately to get you to stop before making the worst decision of your life. But, you were determined to finish this.

You had to. You couldn’t back down. You clicked your mouse once, mind made up.

The recording light lit up, letting you know you were now live.

As your chat filled, you heard an audible sound of confusion come from your living room. You forgot Kai had your streaming notifications on. You had to move quicker than he could get to you. You ran to the door, locking it before your friends could come to stop you.

You could hear the banger from the door. You could hear them. Soobin loudly asking what you were doing. Kai begging you to open the door. Yeonjun pleading that you stop recording and come out the door. You couldn’t let them stop you. Not this time. You knew you might regret this, but soon /you/ wouldn’t be around to care.

“Hi.” You spoke bluntly into the camera. “Welcome to DigitalGirl’s final stream.”

a/n — so... how y'all doing? *sips tea* um, i’m not exactly good at writing super angsty stuff, but i hope y’all still enjoyed! anyways, what do y’all think the letter said? and what do you think yn’s gonna do/say in her “final” stream? lmk!

#k-labels #kflixnet #kbookshelf #kpop smau #beomgyu x reader #txt smau #txt x reader #beomgyu social media au #choi beomgyu x reader #choi beomgyu smau #beomgyu fic

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shaisuki · 8 months ago

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Yeah, you're gonna sit here and bear with my coping of missing his stupidass. Finished this in one sitting :D

Tetsurou, he committed himself to his work in the early stages of his career, he was at his prime since then and still is. Along the way, of course, his endeavors of indulgence; sex. Flings here and there, time to time of entertaining himself with countless people just to kill time, just to have his pleasure, and he makes sure that each party he associates himself with is at the same notion—temporary. He isn't a heartless man to say the least, if anything, he or his friends could say the opposite about him. He thinks highly of such things, he respects it, he wants it for himself just as so many desires for themselves, too. The only thing is, he was never ready nor did he wanted to yet, so that was what he did for the long mean time; a temporary indulgence. Satisfying himself without crossing any lines.

And he did it well. He really did it well, for years and years. Even he himself was surprised that he didn't drown of loneliness. He was lonely from time to time, sure, but that was normal for his situation anyway. That said, he wasn't empty, and quite rather thankful he was for that. His not so kind of a vice continues, until it lessened through the years, until the sands in his hourglass of that temporary indulgence has ran out.

Still him. Still in his prime, more so ever that he is as he reaches his fifties. He's old and he feels newer than ever.

And he begins to feel something different. The inevitable he knew from long before was finally making itself known to him.

And what timing you came in.

The odds of you coming to work for the place he's working in for a long time, the odds of that inevitable creeping feeling looming pleasantly over him as you and him continue to cross paths, and time blessing him with its grace of you along.

He was graced with having to meet a person that took his heart, in your own way.

It's only been a few weeks since you came in, but so much the stirring of his everything has kept its pace, so much of yourself known to him when even he knows there's so much more he could know, so much he feels.

Never been in a relationship he was, nor were the two of you were at the beginning of one, but he knows that it's bound to happen, because he will make sure the beginning of you both will happen. And even that, he could already see past that, beyond that—because if he is in such this state already, which he is, he knew that was in deep and meant to fall more.

So absolutely nothing was stopping him of already imagining the kind of ring that he will give you. Absolutely nothing was stopping him of envisioning you behind the door of his home as he comes back from work, nothing was stopping him from creating his favorite meal in his mind that you'd make for the both of you to have, to enjoy together. Nothing was stopping him from seeing you in the bathtub with him, warm under the water, but he knows that he'd be more warm and given comfort because of you, that he'll never take for granted. Each day of morning and night, every bliss, every fault, he'll cherish.

Nothing will stop him from making it all true.

I MISS HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

yeah, and tetsurou would say how glad he was when love didn't came for him until you.

the endings and beginnings of his life and he accepted that he was destined to be alone and here he is. a lovesick fool and he finds himself smiling without him realizing just from getting a glimpse of you. stares at you with a dreamy look in his eyes like you hung the moon and stars.

nervousness creeping up on him when he decides he want to ask you out and the anxiety filling him up. his thoughts are muddled with what-ifs. you surely can't be single at this age but how wrong he was. he only found the reason after the first date. clinking glasses and sharing yakitori at that izakaya where you both laugh at the days where you both are young and reckless.

oh god. he was so fucking cheesy. confesses like a love sick idiot and whispers how he was nervous about asking you out and only you to shut him up by pulling his neck tie and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips and only for him to say wow. like it was the first time he experienced it. “i'm glad you did.” you smile in between kisses.

there's no fuss about when he first asked you to move with him. what's the point of running in circles when you both are in the prime of your age. there's no right and wrong in this one and only the two of you would see how perfect the moment is. giggling under the sheets first thing in the morning and the late night talks where secrets are shared. gazing at each other that one of you discovered the most amazing fact of the other. it was perfect. what domestic bliss should be.

a ring shall come forth after many months of being with you and he's so sure of it. how can he not? you were the missing piece in the puzzle. the one who held the key in his heart. so then, he searches for the perfect ring. gone through countless of catalogues of what ring may suit you, peering through glasses and taking a note with every ring he took interest in. it's the thought that counts. his brain crosses at this kind of thinking but tetsurou doesn't like that. you don't deserve something that the worth is what mattered but how important it is to the both of you.

he proposes to you. a cheesy pick up line he must took or heard in some random place and decided it is the best way to pop the question and you say yes without hesitation.

now, all was left is to cherish you. oh how he didn't waste a second nor a millisecond to show how much he loves you. the affection that is only reserved for you that as simple of you breathing in the same air as him is priceless and he's smitten until this day.

kissing the back of your hands with the adoring, dorky look in his face and seeing you smile is the sight that he holds until he draws his very last breath.

#♱ ⋮ shai's works⸝⸝#✉ ⋮ shai's mail⸝⸝#chubby reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x chubby reader #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo x chubby reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu #anime x reader #hq x reader #hq #haikyuu fluff

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loquarocoeur · 4 days ago

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alex I am so sorry to send another fucking ask but like. I needed to okay, (also doing my first ask on a laptop was a mistake bc I can type at the speed of light here and this got way too long oops?)

something I've thought and wondered about before was the idea of what would happen should max & charles ever be interrupted while max is in subspace. you've covered a funnier side like a regular walk in during sex and both of them just being like Would U Fuck Off, but subspace is different. like perhaps its something just like someone at the apartment door that actually does really need answering, an urgent work call one of them forgot about, someone in an area they are unexpectedly that maybe doesn't see them but their presence is enough to panic max.

if its more the physical presence of someone, even just in another room etc, obviously max would lose 20 years of his life at the idea of anyone but charles seeing him in subspace, its a painfully private vulnerable part of him for charles and charles alone. it'd rock him, obviously.

or if it was more along the line of a phone call or situation where one of them needs to be physically present, how would max feel but also how would charles deal with juggling the Important Thing He Forgot To Do while also soothing a very down very subby max. obviously a first idea is just making the problem Go Away, etc, but a. I like to work scenarios through and b. it'd be enough of a bubble intrusion to cause a shift in the atmosphere anyway.

its not even meant to be like especially angsty if you don't want because heavy shit aint always the vibe. you don't need to know like a definite answer here, or have even thought about it before. I just particularly enjoy the dynamic of subspace itself and wanted to chat (and accidentally send u half an essay about) it. hell you don't need to have a fuckin clue I just wanted to float you my brain thinky stuff bc why not <3

apologies again that I've sent u an ask the length of war and peace

~ swanon 🦢

Yeah I think considering their careers this is definitely a thing that happens at some point.

I think the first time it's probably just the door or something and Max thinks he's going to be fine if Charles just leaves to answer it quickly, but turns out it is not fine and Charles can't just leave him because he will absolutely panic

Also it's probably also more subtle that Max's, but I think Charles also kind of gets into a kind of domspace during sex as much as Max gets into a subspace and even though he finds it much easier to snap himself out of it or multitask with it, it's still a thing and he'd probably need a second too

So I think it obviously does happen like several times to the point that sometimes they either just put it off for a few minutes until they're out of that headspace enough to do the 'important thing' or Charles just ends up taking Max with and letting him just cling onto him behind the door while Charles peeks his head out to sign for a package or smth lol and also let's be real, Charles is not above answering phone calls while he is actively inside of Max

So basically I think it's either Make The Thing Go Away or if that's not an option just Multitask

But yeah I don't think it would end up too great if anyone walked in on them while Max is like actually properly in subspace because yeah that's not something Max wants anybody to see except Charles and it's also not something Charles wants to share with anyone else because it's just like private and personal and it means something to them yknow. And Charles also kind of has the responsibility of taking care of things when Max is like that so he would feel like absolute shit about it even if it wasn't his fault like at all.

Yeah I don't even know what would happen but I don't think they would blame each other at all, if it was bad enough they'd probably end up having a joint breakdown about it crying at the same time like no no I'm sorry it's my fault, no it's mine etc until they finally agree it was nobody's fault and finally calm the fuck down and feel slightly bad for whoever they accidentally traumatised just now

#asks #yours verse #vegas fic

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the-cosmic-teapot · 8 months ago

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Eternity and So Much More

Bokuto x reader

WC: 2392

TW: Self doubt, insecurity, marriage talk, long term commitment, reader needs a hug and kiss, bokuto is amazing and really affirming, I tried to keep this as gender neutral as possible (engagement ring description, but not story crucial-like a sentence max) , open ended

*proof read by my man in arts husband, its his fault for typos :)

Summary: Bokuto had a very important question to ask you, but you don't see yourself in the best light.

A/N: Hi pals, this is my first time publishing anything outside of a really cringy period on Wattpad when I was 13 (no longer available for my own sanity). I am not typically a writer, so I apologize in advance, but I love Bokuto so much yeah. I hope you like this! Feedback is always welcome!

~Cosmic

Being in a relationship with a pro athlete is difficult because more times than not, they prioritize their careers. It’s what they have been working towards for the longest time and they will do almost anything to stay on the court. This is especially true with one, Bokuto Koutaro. You could ask anyone about the large, owlish man and his devotion to volleyball; they would all say the same thing: he is meant to be on the court. Knowing this did not stop you from being in a relationship with him. If anything there was a sense of pride because of his passion for the sport. There were countless missed dinners and events because of extra practice, but this did little to dissuade you from falling for the outside hitter. With all of the missed dates there were thoughtful gifts or a lavish trip with him for time together to make up his absences.

You knew it was coming, Bokuto's proposal, because he is not the most subtle person and he is not great at hiding things. It had been about a week prior when you found the ring in his sock drawer when doing his laundry. It was a beautiful, yet simple princess cut diamond ring with a few accent stones around it, and here you are, at dinner with Bokuto and some friends, both old and new. Most of the night was filled with laughter and smiles, as is most of the time with Bokuto, except this time there was a pit in your stomach you couldn’t explain. Was it something you ate? Maybe it was social anxiety from being around all of Bokuto's high school friends, who you’ve seen on a few occasions. You only really knew Akaashi because of how close he was with Bokuto. Yet, in spite of this feeling you pushed through dinner with a smile.

As the appetizers and entrees came and went Bokuto insisted on getting dessert for everyone. The pair of you settled on a chocolate cake with ice cream. While the desserts were being prepared Bokuto gathered the attention of everyone and began speaking of the love he has for you, and your beauty. As he continued his speech, the pit grew deeper and deeper. His little speech concluded in tandem with the arrival of dessert, where you saw the same ring that was hidden among his socks sitting on the top of the cake slice. Then you look at Bokuto already on one knee as he asks the question, “Will you marry me?”

At this moment you didn’t have any words. Why weren’t you saying anything? Could you say anything at all?

The first day of your third year at university felt the same as the others. You noted that campus was a bit livelier than normal, but this would surely die down after a couple of weeks as people lost motivation to go to class. As you walked into your first lecture hall you chose your seat with care as you would be using it for the rest of the semester. After all, humans are creatures of habit.

When you stepped outside of the lecture hall at the end of class, you could swear you felt like a mummy leaving its crypt and stepping into the sun for the first time. Apparently you stood in place a second too long because a large man was not paying attention at the stop in traffic and bumped into your back causing you to trip and fall. As you stood back up and turned to face the cause of your fall he immediately began apologizing and saying he will buy you coffee or a pastry as his way of apologizing. Initially stunned by the sudden change in your position to seeing a large man practically on his hands and knees begging for your forgiveness for a small nudge was, admittedly, quite a scene to behold. You insisted that you were okay and there were no bruises or scratches, but he looked like a kicked puppy saying something about how he has harmed you and his mother and sisters will certainly skin him alive for not making it up to you. So you agreed to his offer of coffee, seeing as you do not have class for another hour and a half. On the walk over to the cafe you learn his name, Bokuto, and he is a starter for the men's volleyball team.

Everyone was staring at you now, waiting for an answer. You see the glints of love and true passion in Bukotos eyes; the same look he has when he plays volleyball. Why couldn’t you say anything? What was wrong with you? Here there is a man who loves you, and all you can do is just stand there. Thoughts of inadequacy swarm your mind; you’ll never be pretty enough, you’ll never be charismatic enough, you’ll never be enough for him.

After getting coffee with Bokuto, he seemed to be part of your life. Initially it was small things like him asking you to study with him because he “gets distracted, and it is nice to have someone to keep him on track”. This typically ended with getting nothing done because of how easy conversations flowed with him. Eventually this turned into movie nights with his friends. By the end of that semester the two of you were practically inseparable.

Sometime during the break you realized how you had grown to care for this large puppy of a man. Your days away from campus, as well as Bokuto, seemed more dreary, like something was missing. The days away made you truly notice an absence you didn’t know you could miss. Despite this, you still managed to have a relaxing break.

Bokuto was also stuck with his thoughts of you and what you were doing. He misses your smile and laugh, he misses how you would roll your eyes at some dumb joke he had made, but most of all, he misses how you care about him. Through high school he was used to girls flocking to him because of his volleyball talent, but none of them seemed to care about who he was as a person. You care about him as Bokuto Kotaro, not Bokuto Kotaro the volleyball powerhouse. You care about the little things, ensuring he stayed hydrated and made sure he always had someone cheering him on. He loved those things about you.

By the time you got back to campus and got fully moved into your new dormroom, Bokuto called and asked to get lunch because he was, as always, starving. By the end of the lunch you were sure Bokuto enjoyed your presence because of how he mentioned it at least five times when walking you home. As you get to your complex's door you debate inviting Bokuto in to watch a movie or something, but a small voice crept in saying that he probably had other, better things to be doing. So you bid him a farewell and went up alone.

As Bokuto stares at you with anticipation and nothing but adoration in his eyes staring into your own, you are at war with your insecurities. How could he want you in that way? It wasn't because you were the prettiest or because you were the most popular. It definitely wasn’t because you were the best at anything; what was it? You know he loves you, but honestly you don’t fully understand why.

After about a minute of staring at you Bokuto began to feel a pit form in his stomach, a rare feeling for him that he wasn’t too familiar with. The last time this happened was when he asked you to go on a date with him; an actual date too, not the platonic hangout sessions from when you were first getting to know each other. Was it taking you so long to answer because you thought he wouldn't be a good husband? Was it because he can be forgetful and so focused on volleyball? Those couldn't be it, you always said that it was something you loved about him, his dedication and drive. Why weren’t you saying anything? What was holding you back?

It had been one year since you met Bokuto, the start of your last year of university. Thursdays became takeout and movie night with him, just him; no one else because “I want to spend time alone with my best friend”. You thought it was sweet that he wanted to take time with just you, but it hurt when you assumed he didn’t see you romantically. You’d be stupid not to have a crush on him, he is so charismatic and funny, not to mention he looks like he was shaped by the gods, in contrast to his puppy like demeanor that would make a statue smile.

On one such Thursday Bokuto was antsy, more than normal. About a third of the way into your movie pick, you had to pause the movie. His fidgeting was getting on your nerves and you could no longer bear to ignore it. In response to you pausing, Bokuto just stared dumbly at you instead of saying anything. This was odd, there was seldom a time Bokuto was without words.

“What’s your problem tonight?’ you asked, a little agitated. “We can change the movie if you’re not into it.”

“I just...” He paused for a bit and continued, “ I um, I think I’d like to take you out.” You stared back just as dumbly at him for a bit. “ I don’t mean, like, kill you. I mean like a date… If you want…” You sat on his couch in one of his hoodies with Thai take-out in your lap while he thought this is something he wouldn’t mind seeing all the time. He impatiently awaited your answer, fidgeting with his hands.

After what felt like an eon (a few minutes in actuality) you responded, “Really? Me?” It was strange to be asked out by someone who was like Bokuto. You weren't the typical drop dead gorgeous type athletes like him usually went after, at least in your own eyes.

“Well, yeah… that’s why I asked you.” He stated very matter-of-factly. “Why wouldn't I want to date you? You know me, and still want to be my friend after I embarrassed myself at that party. You also still want to study with me even when I don’t know what’s happening, and you dont mind helping me with my classwork even though you’re taking more classes than me.”

He went on like this for 5 minutes before you finally snapped out of your haze to interrupt him and respond. “I didn’t know you cared that much about me...” You sat on your words before landing on “Okay”.

You thought you had broken the owlish man when that four letter word left your mouth. He just sat and stared at you before breaking out into the biggest smile you’ve ever seen on him, this is including when he scored the winning point for nationals last spring. In an instant he was off of the couch, as were you, bouncing around the room shaking you along too.

Feeling the stares of your friends and his, you felt nauseous. You loved Bokuto, but could you accept this? What happens if it falls apart, could you live through that? What if a few years later he finds someone better than you, how could you live with that? You just stood there. Your legs felt as if they weighed a million pounds and your jaw a billion more.

Bokuto was freaking out because he was sure you’d say yes immediately. You’d talked about your futures after graduation and you said something along the lines of wanting him in your life forever. Did he misinterpret that? He got your dream ring from one of your friends who was kind enough to help him. What did he do to screw this up?

“I-I…” you took a breath, “I don’t know” you finished close to tears. After giving an answer you needed to get out, looking at Bokuto was painful because he was heartbroken and confused. You gathered your things and ran out of the restaurant.

Bokuto followed closely after you without grabbing anything. He ran a hand through his hair as he stepped out onto the sidewalk spotting you instantly.

He tentatively approached you as if you were a scared stray cat. “Hey… are you okay? What happened back there?” Bokuto was close to tears too, his usually bright eyes were so serious now. “Are you not ready for this? I thought that conversation after graduation meant you wanted this… I’m really sorry if I got that wrong.” He wouldn’t stop talking. You felt like actual garbage, here he was apologizing to you for what were your own inadequacies.

“I’m not-” you take a breath, “I’m not good enough for this, or for you. You are a pro athlete, you’re way out of my league, and I’m just someone who fell in love with you. I am not special in any way, I’m not extraordinary, I’m just me.” You pause for a second before continuing, “You deserve so much better than me, you are amazing and deserve the universe, and I’m not that.”

“I don’t see it that way.” Bokuto said simply. “You’re amazing because you are you. I love the way you get focused and bite your lip when you do. I love the way you care for me and make sure I am taking care of myself. How you make the effort to know my friends and family.” He continued while holding your wrist as if to make sure you don’t vanish into nothing. “Most importantly, I love you because of how you love me.” He concluded with a huff, Bokuto was frustrated that he needed to tell you all of this, but if he had to repeat these affirmations to you over and over like a mantra he would without hesitation.

“Are you sure?” You question, biting your lip and avoiding Bokuto's eyes that always seem to find yours. “Yes, of course, I wouldn’t say anything I didn’t mean” He answers immediately after. “I want you in my life for eternity and so much more.”

#bokuto fluff #bokuto kotarou #bokuto koutaro x reader #bokuto x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu time skip #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #timeskip!Bokuto #Fluff #Bokuto Koutaro Fluff #Haikyuu timeskip #Bokuto Kotarou fluff

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hamiltonaf · 1 year ago

Text

Summer Break(Up) | Mason Mount

Pairing: Mason Mount x Female Reader

Word Count: 2.2K

Warnings: Angst to fluff

A/N: Had this in my drafts for quite a while, about time that I posted it. Hope you babes enjoy. Requests are open .xx

Today felt like the first time in a long time that I got ready to go out, that too on a date. Never thought I would be doing this but deep down I know it's exactly what I need to do to get my mind off things and finally move on. It hurts to move on when you still love someone, but you know what they say... love hurts.

Its been almost a month now since Mason and I broke up right after the summer break. We had a pretty dreamy and amazing summer break - or so I thought - I guess only one of us felt that way.

We had just arrived back in England and Mason was acting off the entire day. I knew something was playing on his mind that was bothering him and had him agitated... the last thing I expected was a break up being a good idea.

He distinctly did it just before I was flying back home, the perfect excuse to not see the pain on my face when he breaks the news to me.

Its as if his words had haunted me, they continue to play on my mind till this day.

FLASHBACK

"(Y/N) I hate to break it to you...ugh but I'm just going to be straight forward about it" he paused in between words watching my reaction. "Well ?" I asked raising a brow. "We need to break up" he said as he finally met my eyes. "Is this a joke ?" I asked raising my brows. "No it's not (Y/N)" he sighed. "And what's the reason that you want to break up ?" I asked calmly. "I just.. I want to just focus on football" he said as he lowered his head to play with his fingers.

"Ohh the typical excuse" I half laughed. "What do you mean excuse ? I'm being serious" he said as he started to grow annoyed. "All of you guys are the same. It's always 'I'm focusing on my career' and then boom you rock up with a new girlfriend after a while. If you have someone else in the picture then just say it !" I said growing frustrated, I let my impulsive thoughts take over. "What the- no ! If you're saying I'm cheating on you, I would never !" He said defensively.

"So then what's the need to break up ? Am I too distracting for you ? I can easily be out of your way whilst still being your girlfriend so I don't see the issue ?" I said whilst raising my voice. He kept quiet after my valid point. "I get it now. The silence speaks for itself. No point in me fighting for a relationship that doesn't exist anymore" I said as I walked over to grab my bags. "(Y/N) I'm sorry" he said lowly. "Don't be. Best of luck this season" I said lastly and walked out with my bags earlier than planned. It was only then when I was alone that the tears spilled and I couldn't control them. With my vision blurred I don't even know how I managed to arrange transport to the airport - I guess at that point I just wanted to get away from there and from Mason.

END OF FLASHBACK

I would be lying if I said that I didn't check on Mason’s instagram. I mean nothing is wrong in that since we both still follow each other and we didn't make the break up public. I mean we still had each others pictures up but it wasn't good enough to camouflage people into thinking we were still together. The fans are 10 steps ahead of us and pretty much cracked that we did breakup and when the breakup happened.

I guess it's my fault that I didn't post to show my support for Mason whilst I was away. Joke. Oh well who cares... we couldn't hide it forever and these things happen.

It's all because of (Y/BF/N) I'm rushing to get ready, she just had to open her mouth and set me up with her boyfriend's friend. All I know is that his name is Ethan.

Whilst I was doing my hair I thought why not go live on instagram and do a get ready with me since I didn't do one in ages and besides that, I was feeling bold. As soon as I went live, my views went from 10 to over 5000 within a few minutes. "Hi there for all those joining ! I'm currently getting ready to go out so I thought why not chat with you guys in the mean time" I said as I skimmed through the comments. "Where are you going ?" I read out the comment. "Well, I'm going on a date" I smiled. "Why weren't you at the last match ? We missed you !" I read out the next comment.

"Aww sorry about that..I've just been so busy with studying that I had to sacrifice a match to finish up my work" I pouted. After those questions, I did my makeup and explained each product that I used. With a final spritz of setting spray and perfume, I shook my fingers through my hair and revealed my full look for the evening.

"That's it guys ! Hope you guys found this entertaining. Thank you to every one of you for sending in questions and sorry if I didn't get through to everyone. I swear I'll try to do more of these in future" I said as I skimmed through the comments one last time. Many of them said 'Mase in chat'. "I'm seeing a lot of Mase in chat comments. Did I miss something ?" I raised a brow. My body froze when I saw his comment '😍😍😍'.

"Ohhh Mason is here !" I wanted to roll my eyes on camera but I couldn't. "Anywho guys I'm running late. Love you guys and hope you all have an amazing evening. Wish me luck. Ciao !" I said lastly before throwing a kiss at the camera. The live ended and I rushed to grab my purse. I was in a rush only because I was driving tonight, Ethan had offered, but just in case things didn't go well then I can easily make an excuse to leave early if needed. As I jumped in the car my phone started ringing through the Bluetooth, thinking it's Ethan I answered the call. "Hey ! I'm so sorry I'm running late..I'm on my way right now" I said as I drove out of my driveway. "(Y/N)" haven't heard that in a while, he paused before saying "It's Mason."

I looked at my phone and mumbled "shit". "Guess I'm not the person you want to talk to right now" he chuckled. "What do you want Mase ?" I rolled my eyes. "I uhm saw your live and I'm around so I was hoping I'd see you to catch up" he suggested. "Of course you thought that...Mason we've been broken up for almost a whole month, you didn't care to talk to me since that day and suddenly because you saw me get ready for a date you thought that now is a good time to come back into my life ?" I asked.

There was a pause before he spoke up again. "Don't go on that date" he softly said. "Why?" I asked, waiting for his valid reason. "You know why" he said. "No, Mason, I don't. Say it" I was getting frustrated that I actually pulled over to the side to have this conversation. "I can't get you out of my mind !" He admitted. I stayed silent for him to go on. "As much as I tried to focus on football, the days that I was off all I could think about is spending my free time with you. I missed your laugh, your smile, your cuddles and your kisses, especially after a bad day. I miss everything about you" he said defeated. "Mount, why are you telling me all of this now ? It took you a whole month to realise that or are you just jealous that I moved on and you didn't ?" I questioned.

He sighed, "I just felt terrible since the last time we were together. I wanted to give you space and I assumed you hated me so much that we'd never get back together after that." "Hmm...okay" I said casually. "Soo are you coming back home because I'm waiting outside ?" He asked hopeful. "Wait what ?" I asked flabbergasted. He wasn't joking. "I'm literally outside your house, no joke" he said. "What the- Mason. I- I'm literally speechless" I had a million thoughts running through my head. What do I do ?

"Come home so we can talk please" he said. Why do I feel the need to go back home ? "Your timing is literally the worst. I need to call Ethan and see if he's -" I was cut off. "Who the fuck is Ethan ?" He asked as he got protective. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "My date" I said plainly. "Do I know him ?" He asked. "None of your business. Anyways I'll call you back. Bye" I ended the call just as he called my name. I noticed that Ethan sent a message a few minutes ago saying that he was going to be running late. I felt terrible to do this but I have unfinished business with Mason. I messaged Ethan to apologise that I won't make it tonight as I had a family emergency and if we could rather rain check. I made a u-turn back home and luckily Ethan was understanding, and replied saying that he hopes everything is okay and hopefully we'll meet soon. Aww bless him.

Just as I got home I noticed Mason’s car parked on the driveway. I parked beside him and jumped out as he followed. He whistled as he looked at me from head to toe. "Darling, you look breathtaking" he said as he walked closer to me. He greeted me by kissing both of my cheeks. "Thank you" I softly said as he then surprised me by handing over a massive bouquet of red roses. My facial expression changed, "What's all of this for ?" "Just to makeup for the lost time in this past month" he said. "Aww" I cooed.

I then unlocked the door and went inside with Mason following behind me. "Soo what happened to that guy ?" He asked. "He was running late so I said we can rain check for another day" I shrugged. "You're still going to go on a date with him ?" He asked, low-key feeling betrayed. "Mason can you just forget about Ethan and focus on the reason why we're here after a whole month" I said as we both took a seat beside each other on the couch. He sighed before speaking up, "You asked me earlier why now and I ignored your question. Whilst we were broken up I would see your posts and stories, especially when (Y/BF/N) would post with you. You always looked so happy and looked like you're living your best life without me. I thought to myself that you seemed happier without me" he said as he laid his head onto the couch and turned to look at me.

"You really thought I looked happier without you ?" I raised a brow curiously. "Yeah ! So many little things reminded me of you - like someone cracking a joke or laughing, I'd think that's something you would say" he smiled. I smiled back,

"It hurts..." he said seriously. "What?" I asked as I furrowed my brows. "Loving someone who doesn't love you..." he said softly. I half laughed. "What's so funny ?" He asked worried. "That's exactly what I thought the day I left. I thought our relationship was one sided the whole time" I pursed my lips. "What ! No no no. I never stop loving you okay ? Please don't forget that. I was hoping to at least be friends that time I broke the news but things turned south" he pressed his lips together.

"Bold of you to assume that 2 people who are in love with each other can be friends" I said as I laid back as well and turned to face him. "Wait so you still love me ?" He asked in shock as he sat up right. "Unfortunately yes" I sighed. He had a cheeky grin on his face. "I'm sorry for being selfish and stupid. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm also so sorry for all the pain I caused you, you didn't deserve any of that. Please find it in your heart to forgive me and be my girlfriend again" he smiled. "Hmm let me think...okay" I shrugged. "So am I forgiven ?" He asked excited. "Yes, yes you are" I smiled. He brushed a strand away from my face and cupped my cheeks. His eyes looked between mine and my lips. "Can I ?" He asked softly. I nodded my head as he connected his lips with mine.

#mason mount #mason mount x reader #mason mount imagines #mason mount x oc #mason mount x you #mason mount fluff #mason mount smut #mason mount angst #mason mount oneshot #mason mount fanfic #footballer x you #footballer x reader #football imagine #football oneshot #football fanfic #ricciardoaf oneshots

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pepaldi · 11 months ago

Text

As we chat, the postman rings the bell, delivering packages. Council tree surgeons are working on the road outside. My son needs water, words of comfort, possibly he just wants another good long look at Capaldi. I’ve never interviewed anyone in my own home before and the limitations of the format are becoming apparent. But Capaldi seems to respond well to the setting and its lack of frills. His adult daughter and her family have been visiting, brand new baby in tow. When I apologise for all the noise and interruptions, Capaldi says it’s nothing compared to a newborn.

He and Collins were young parents themselves when his directing career fell apart. Arriving back in London from the disastrous Manhattan trip, “The initial feeling was shock. Then a pragmatic survival instinct kicked in.” Capaldi rejoined the auditioning circuit. “I was a psychiatrist in Midsomer Murders. I was a beekeeper in Poirot – AN Other Actor. Someone else would have turned down these parts first.” Collins, until that point an actor, too, decided to pivot into development and production, a career move that has worked well for her.

“This business is full of people who are not the real thing,” he says, “people I perceived to be artists ’cos they had posh accents, but who didn’t have it, they just sounded like they did.” He goes on to tell a tantalising but intentionally vague story about a major star he worked with, someone who revealed themselves through the course of an acting collaboration to be a dud hiding in plain sight. He won’t provide details (“Too easy to figure out. When everyone’s dead I’ll tell you”), but he says the experience changed him professionally, leaving him more aware of his own limitations, but grateful to have a little vinegar and grit in the mix. “There’s a kind of smoothness, a kind of confidence that comes from a good [paid-for] school. That’s what you’re struck by: they seem to know how to move through the world recognising which battle to fight, where to press their attentions. But it can make the acting smooth, which to me is tedious. I like more neurosis. More fear. More trouble, you know?”

In the new TV show, Criminal Record, he explores a more mortal kind of ageing, life’s third act, its inevitable professional humblings. Capaldi plays a London DCI in his 60s, coming to the end of a career, already moonlighting as a private security contractor, intimidated by the thrust and purpose of a younger colleague at the Met played by Cush Jumbo. As Jumbo’s character grows in confidence, Capaldi’s shrinks. It is a paradox of experience he can relate to. “I find the older I get, the closer I am to who I was,” he says.

I ask him to explain.

“Like I’m returning to… ‘roots’ is the wrong word. I feel more and more like my mother and father, more and more keenly aware of the values they had.” He provides an interesting example, how he has become all thumbs around the act of tipping in restaurants: “I can be in a complete sweat about that.” He can imagine his parents, both dead now, in a similar muddle. “From the background we come from, you can have a bit of anxiety about coming across as grand. So you have to allay that by making sure you are communicating with everybody, all the time.”

Capaldi shakes his head, chuckling softly. He has finished his coffee. He’s about to put on his big coat, say goodbye to my son, and walk back through Whoville to his home and his family. Before he leaves we return to the subject of actors from privileged backgrounds. He says he feels mean, like he took unfair advantage of them in their absence. “It’s not their fault,” he says. “It’s just that there’s less and less of my lot in the arts.” And this concerns him, he continues, because “people of all backgrounds are sophisticated, are interesting, are equally prone to tragedy and joy. Any art that articulates that is a comfort. Art is the ultimate expression of you are not alone, wherever you are, whatever situation you are in. Art is about reaching out. So I think it’s wrong to allow one strata of society to have the most access.”

He nods, feeling he’s expressed himself better. I agree.

The whole interview over at The Guardian.

#Peter Capaldi #The Observer Magazine #Criminal Record #Part of the interview but link to the whole thing

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zyafics · 21 days ago

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Okay, since I'm itching to spill my theories and you asked me to, here it is, the top 2 other theories and a new one since you've dropped a hint.

2nd Reason:

Ward might actually know Sofia and Rafe's rs. He might took it to his advantage and ask Sofia a favor. Manipulating or gaslighting the girly pop to fuck his sons rs because he sees the rs and the reader as a "distraction" to his son and would not risked the chance that the rs will be the reason of Rafe's athletic career to fall apart. As I see in this fic, Ward's the type of dad that would let his son know that he supports his rs with someone but he secretly hates his son's partner and the whole rs itself. So he would do anything in his power to stop it and ruin it. So he can make Rafe more focused on his game and not be distracted, thinking it will work. (but shii dad, your son is a simp).

Ofc, Sofia would be having 2nd thoughts about the offer but let's be honest we can smell insecurities and her reflecting it to the reader at some point of her life wether its intentionally or unintentionally. So ofc, she would agree at the end, esp she broke up with his bf. She would ofc ruin Rafe's and reader's rs because no one will have a happy ending. That's how she would try to get handsy with Rafe and make her being "drunk" as an excuse. She might even try to maks Rafe remember their past rs because there is something past between them it was hinted on chapter 18.

Making Rafe the man he is be vulnerable and let the makeout scene happened but for sure as what I've mentioned in my 1st reason/theory, the "cheating" might just be about them making out nothing too deep deep deep. After that Rafe snaps and push Sofia run off. Confessed about him and Sofia's past rs and the makeout, the next day. Then for sure the reader felt betrayed and ended the rs immediately without question asked bcos she is the GIRLBOSS.

3rd Reason: (mixed with my new theory because of your new hint)

Sofia might actually liked Rafe in the past and try winning him over, they can be ex friend or fling, but since Rafe must have find Sofia uninteresting or eyeing the reader for a while, he didn't bat an eye to Sofia's and her antics and persuasion. Leading it to a point were Sofia had enough and ended their friendship or just put a huge distance away from Rafe because she knows she doesn't have any chance with him.

She even might used his ex to forget Rafe and moved on. She tried her very best to avoid him and be alone with him because she knows if she is alone with Rafe, that her past feeling with him will surely resurfaced (Which happened). And the party happens plus her breakup with his ex. Her emotions are everywhere. She needed DISTRACTION. Which might lead with her recalling and confessing to Rafe her real feelings with him shouting and being drunkingly mess up to her forcing Rafe to kiss her during their time alone and forcing him to have sex during their heated kissing scene, but our boy didn't given in to the sex thing only to the kissing thing.

Then babyboy, Rafe. Confessed the next day, asking the reader some forgiveness. The reader declines first and asked for a space. Ward notices Rafe getting distracted with his athletic career, so they argued and threatens Rafe to disown him if he doesn't end his rs (we know Ward will defi do this to Rafe because he is a control freak, driven by the greed and athletic validation) because he sees this rs and the reader as a distraction. Leaving Rafe with no other choice but to choose his father and his nonexistent validation for him than reader since he already fucked it up and thought he can't fixed it anymore. THEN BAM! HE FUCKED UP AND BROKEUP WITH HER.

With your new hint it could be stopped ("cheating") if the reader just answered Rafe's missed call, it could also be a hint that Rafe might throw some faults at the reader saying that if she just answered the calls the "cheating" might not happened. Guilt-tripping the reader for his own comfort and gaslight to make hinself better, making the reader snaps and ending the rs instead of fixinv it with Rafe. Because Ik at some point the reader would defi give 2nd chance to Rafe before the breakup happens if he just doesn't pulled that "It's your own fault, if you just picked up my calls it wouldn't happened." card.

I might, drop another theory but I'm still finding proper hints for it though

when i tell u my jaw fucking dropped when i read these theories for the first time, like GUYS... look at this shit. i didn't even know how to answer it because it gave away SO MUCH of the recent chapter (hb:l25) that i decided i needed post it afterwards.

some of the things are correct. some are incorrect. but the gist of it is SO strong i wanted to u to get out of my brain (what is this? witchcraft!)

#asks #hb:l asks

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psychovigilantewrites · 2 years ago

Text

It's Been Awhile

Pairing: Jason Todd/Reader

Word Count: 5,500

Rating: Explicit, there is sex, R18

Summary: Reader visits Jason after some time.

Masterlist | Ao3

A/N: Hey guys! It's been awhile, hasn't it. Sorry it's not a Red Who update, but I promise I have not abandoned it yet.

I am extremely rusty, because I haven't been reading nor writing much lately. I have a full time job now, and I'm on my way to paving my career. I still think of you guys a lot, though. So thank you so much for sticking with me till now. To the new followers, you won't see much activity here, but I will return from time to time to post or scroll or check up on things.

I'm so rusty that a 5000 word count felt so long to me. I remember when I was churning like, 12k word count within a week. Lol, I would love to try that out again. Anyway, enough rambling. I hope you all enjoy! This is the most I've written in a while.

You kicked an empty beer can aside and heard its metallic clink against the brick wall as you walked down the narrow alley.

From all the years you spent in alleyways, you got used to the smell and the suspicious puddles. It was dimly lit, the only light source coming from the apartment windows above you. You stopped below the fire escape and jumped, hands grasping the end of the metal ladder to pull it down so you could climb up.

You counted the floors. Four, seven… twelfth. You stopped a floor below your target so you could carefully creep up to the thirteenth. You peeked through your target’s opened window carefully. His apartment was brightly lit and clean. You noticed all the surfaces like the coffee table at the centre of the living room, and the small dining table at the far side of the apartment near the main entrance, were clear of any clutter or stains. The light grey sofa near the window where you were at looked new, with fluffed cushions arranged on the seats along with a beige throw blanket.

Your target had his bare back facing you, standing at the kitchen where he was putting away the dishes in the overhead cabinet. He was shirtless, so you could see the muscles of his back ripple and flex when he reached above his head. You climbed through the window silently and entered his apartment.

“Hello there-” you started, but immediately ducked to avoid the flying mug aimed at you but missing and crashed into pieces behind you. “Wow, rude.”

“Christ,” Jason swore when he realised who you were. “What the fuck? You scared the shit outta me.”

You grinned at him. “Not my fault you’re losing your touch. You really didn’t hear me?”

“I was never able to hear you, you know that,” he scowled and crossed his arms while walking towards you. “Take off your shoes, you’re dragging dirt all over my house.”

“Not until you clean up the glass.”

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes, grabbing a broom to sweep away the shards.

You sat down on his sofa. An awkward silence passed.

“So,” you looked around his apartment. It was familiar because you’ve been there so many times before, but he had obviously done some rearranging and bought new furniture. There were definitely more books on his shelf now. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah.”

“Around… six months?”

“Without any messages or phone calls,” he frowned, looking at the floor that was now clean and clear.

“Jason,” you groaned, “You know I couldn’t.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighed, putting aside the dustpan. “It’s just- it was hard not knowing whether you were safe or not.”

“You think undercover has been easy for me too?” you demanded.

“I know it hasn’t- look, I don’t want to argue,” he admitted. He sat down on the sofa next to you. You felt the sofa dip at his weight. “I’ve been undercover too. I know how hard it is. I was just worried.”

You looked at him. His thick eyebrows were pulled down in a frown, his icy blue eyes staring at you intensely. He had a bruise that was healing on the upper corner of his left cheekbone, and a fresh new cut on his lower lip.

“You’re my best friend. You’re the only one I’ve known the longest. Not knowing whether you were dead or alive does things to a person,” he stressed.

“Well, I’m here now. Alive. And demanding you get me some liquor,” you winked.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, but complied. “Since when did you start drinking casually?”

You hesitated. “Since Elisa.”

“I have whiskey, bourbon, gin, tequila and beer,” he listed the contents of his liquor cabinet.

“Gin, soda and lime, please,” you ordered. Jason immediately got to work, making you your cocktail. “Bring the bottle here as well. I might want a top up.”

He raised an eyebrow as he served you and put the bottle of gin down on the coffee table.

“Aww, you even put a little lime wedge. Cute,” you teased and sipped. “Yep, I was right. Did you always used to make your drinks this weak?”

“You never complained before,” he replied, watching you pour a little more gin in your glass. “The drinks in Cuba must be strong.”

You paused, lips still on the rim of the cup. Silence fell again, before you shrugged. “I’ve taken quite a liking to rum.”

You dug through the sling bag pouch you had across your body and took out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jason protested.

“Uh, I’m lightshing a shigarette,” you answered with the cigarette already on your lips.

“One, no smoking in my house,” he snatched the cigarette from you and threw it on the table, “ Two, did Elisa smoke too?”

“She didn’t and then she did,” you scowled, “How long have you quit?”

“Four months,” he said, “I use these now. It’s helped a lot. I suggest you do the same.”

He took out a bright pink cylindrical metal tube with a straw-like tip from the pocket of his sweatpants and sucked the end. He exhaled a thick cloud of white mist that smelled of-

You burst into laughter.

“What?” he huffed.

“I’m sorry, but right now I’m just imagining bumping into you in a dark alleyway, all big and muscly, with your leather jacket and combat boots, and suddenly you smell like- what’s that, watermelon?”

“Yeah, so what?” he pouted, “I don’t even have the urge to smoke anymore.”

“You’re right, that’s good,” you smiled, “I’m proud of you.”

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes, “So, what are you doing here? You back for good?”

“Officially, my role in the mission has ended,” you explained, “But I might have to go back from time to time… And…”

“You’re leaving again?” he guessed solemnly.

You pursed his lips and looked at him. “How much do you know about what I was doing?”

“Not much,” he began, “Just that you were undercover in Cuba, leading some sort of coup?”

“Not exactly leading a coup,” you corrected, “I was hired by a private organisation to infiltrate and, uh, get rid of corrupted leaders internally, and replace them with clean people so that the citizens can have a chance at improving the country.”

“So… American intervention to reestablish democracy and change regimes?” Jason smirked, “Like Cuba in the sixties? Bolivia, Ghana, Angola, and my personal favourite, Iraq?”

“It’s not like that,” you defended, “And not American. Not CIA. Not United Nations. Jason, these people are real. They have no other agenda but to give people freedom. We’re made of many countries and nationalities- mostly third world whose countries have been ravished by colonialism and intervention. Think Che Guevara, but bigger. Richer. Way richer. More organized. They’ve been recruiting ex-agents and spies, people who can’t be blackmailed or bribed with money. People who care about change.”

“So that’s what you’ve been doing?” he realised, “Been playing Spy Kids with communists.”

“We’re not calling ourselves that,” you argued, “And we’re not going for the communist revolution. We want to go for a more organic change.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” he sighed in defeat.

“Because… I want you to come with me next,” you positioned your body to fully face him, crossing your legs on the sofa.

“What?” he asked incredulously, “And what, abandon Gotham?”

“Gotham doesn’t need people like you and me, Jay,” you whispered, “It needs Batman, and Nightwing, and Robin, and all of them. Gotham needs hope. People like us don’t belong here.”

“People like us?”

“You know what I mean,” you said sternly, “Our skills are needed and appreciated elsewhere.”

Another moment of silence of you and Jason just glaring at each other. You saw the way Jason’s eyes examined your expression, your body language. He knew you were completely serious about this.

You broke eye contact and took a few sips of your drink, feeling the contradictory refreshment and burn.

“Just think about it. You have time. I’m on a decently long break before going to the next mission,” you leaned back against the cushion and closed your eyes, “Mmm, I want to go to a nice spa. Get some new clothes. Watch movies. Source for some cool gadgets from Bruce. Spend some time with the family.”

“For how long?”

“A couple of months.”

You heard Jason sigh again. That’s how it was with Jason. Just constant sighing.

“Fine, I’ll think about it.”

You opened your eyes and looked at him. “Really?”

He was looking down into his own cocktail. “I don’t think I can go another six months not knowing what the fuck you’re doing, where you are, whether you’re dead or alive. So, yes. I’ll fuckin’ think about it.”

You felt bad. From the moment you told him you were leaving to go undercover, from the moment you went silent, you felt immensely guilty for leaving him. It was your first time without contact with him, and hell, it was difficult for you too. He was your first friend, your first family. Your life would not have been your life without Jason Todd.

“Hey,” you said softly, reaching out to his face to make him look at you. “I missed you.”

He simply stared. He looked like he was struggling to say something, or struggling to stop himself from saying something.

Then, he looked away. “So, how was it?”

“Pretty fucking cool,” you admitted, relaxing back into your usual self. “I felt like I was in a movie. Being undercover without anyone knowing sucks ass, though. Couldn’t be myself. Couldn’t do whatever I wanted to do, say whatever I wanted to say. Fuck, it was so hard. That’s when the drinking started.”

He chuckled. “Liar.”

“Excuse me?” you turned to him.

“Liar,” he stated, “That’s not how the drinking started. Something happened.”

“A lot of things happen when you’re undercover, Jason,” you snapped.

“I’m just saying,” he smirked, “You may have gotten used to lying to everyone around you. But you can’t lie to me.”

You hated how right he was.

“Put on some tunes,” you demanded, “Like I said, I couldn’t be myself. So tonight, I am going to drink and I am going to do whatever I want, and say whatever I want.”

“And as always, I’m the victim,” he groaned.

“Hush, you love it,” you giggled.

Jason stood up, grumbling. “Just take off your damn shoes.”

You complied, kicking off your boots and placed them away against a wall. Jason had always been so neat and tidy, so you respected that whenever you were in his space. He was extremely particular about hygiene as well. You were used to having your shoes off in his house, to him sanitizing his hands whenever he took off his gloves, to him always wiping surfaces with isopropyl alcohol.

He was always so well groomed too, and you never needed to worry about toiletries whenever you stayed at his. Whatever you needed, or hell, didn’t need, he had them. You remembered when you were teens and you were complaining about acne. He taught you all about skincare, haircare. About shaving versus waxing. About scrubbing between your toes and behind your ears when you shower.

And Jason showered every single day, since he was always engaged in physical activities.

And because of that, Jason always smelled so fucking good.

You caught a whiff of the scent you were so familiar with when he sat back down next to you after turning on the speakers and grabbing two bags of chips. He smelled like the cologne he wore, which was a deep pine scent with undertones of chocolate and sage. It mixed well with the refreshing raspberry of his shampoo.

“You met Grayson yet?” he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Mmm?” you mumbled, still lost in his scent. “No. You’re the first.”

“Good,” he grumbled back.

“Didn’t want to make you jealous or anything,” you giggled, poking his cheek.

He swatted away your hand, but a small smile played on his lips. “Dunno what you’re talking about.”

You wanted to retort, but let it go and took another big gulp from your glass. You topped the ice with some more gin and squeezed the lime in. Talking about Jason’s weird competitive streak with Dick would always end up with Jason sulking. You felt a little tipsy already.

“Hmm,” you hummed. And then, you had a brilliant idea. You stood up and you took your tight black t-shirt off, leaving you in your black bra.

“Why are you stripping?” Jason raised his voice.

“It’s summer, and it’s hot,” you shrugged, sitting back down closer to him. He was also shirtless, and you felt the heat radiating off his skin. “And it’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before.”

“It’s different when you’re bleeding from a stab wound and I’m pouring vodka on it,” he retorted.

“Whatever,” you scoffed, “ And you know what? This place was a smoking area before I left. And I told you that tonight, I’m going to be doing whatever I want. So.”

You reached forward to your pack of cigarettes Jason threw on the coffee table, but he grabbed your hand.

“Nuh-uh. No.”

You glanced at his grip on your wrist and back up at him. “You really want to do this, Todd?”

His expression changed to some sort of smug look that he always had when presented with a challenge. “Let’s see whether Cuba made you rusty, then.”

You smirked at him. And then, you swung your other fist towards his face, but he blocked your punch with the palm of his free hand.

You lifted yourself off the couch and used your body weight and momentum to catch him off his balance. It worked, he was on the floor, but he was so strong and it was difficult to free your arms from his grip.

So, you played dirty.

You carefully kneed his groin. Gently. You didn’t want to actually hurt him. Just to discombobulate him.

Jason swore, and his grip on you loosened just a teeny tiny bit. But that was all you needed to release yourself by twisting his arm to an angle that forced him to turn his body face down to the floor.

You continued twisting.

“Ow, ow, ow!” He complained.

“Do you yield?” You breathed.

“Yes! I yield, holy shit,” he whined.

You released him and greeted him with a shit eating grin when he propped himself back up. You had always been the better fighter. Even though Jason was bigger and stronger, you were more lithe, fast, and flexible. You used momentum, anatomical range of motion, and precise techniques in your martial art. That’s why you were always silent and could sneak up on him. That’s why you used to be the stealthy assassin, while Jason favoured loud guns and explosives.

“You know you will lose, yet you always challenge me,” you pointed out, “That’s why I think you’re a brat.”

“Like a spoiled kid?” he said, “Since when?”

“Not in that context,” you rolled your eyes. “Like, in bed.”

“Huh?” Jason sat down and looked up at you with genuine confusion. You joined him on the sofa again. This time, he didn’t stop you from lighting your cigarette. You inhaled. You exhaled.

“You know, like you have the dominant and the submissive,” you started to explain, “A brat is under the submissive category.”

“The hell?” he protested, “I am not submissive.”

“Maybe at first,” you smirked slyly, slowly closing the gap between you and him. “That’s what a brat is. You like to fight. You’re stubborn. You like to say no. But ultimately, you want to betamed.”

To make a point, you crawled towards him and boldly straddled his waist.

“Wh-what- what the fuck are you doing?” Jason sputtered, a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

“That’s why you like to fight me, right?” you continued, resting one palm flat on his bare chest, your other on his shoulder while you held your cigarette. “You want me to make you submit.”

You blew smoke onto his face.

“Stop that,” he gripped the side of your arms, “Did Cuba make you flirty too?”

“I always flirt with you.”

“Not like this,” he shook his head. “What, did Elisa have to seduce men? Women?”

“Unfortunately, no,” you pouted, “Elisa had to keep things strictly professional between all her assets.”

The truth was you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

“So, it’s been a while,” he stated.

“It’s been a while,” you agreed. “How about you? Any women? Men?”

“Please,” he scoffed, “Just Grayson being an ass.”

“So, it’s been a while for you, too,” you teased.

“But I’m not a perv like you,” he huffed.

“We can change that,” you leaned in closer, watching the way he had subtly wet his lips, thinking you wouldn’t notice.

“Stop,” he repeated, “You’re drunk.”

“Not drunk enough to make you yield.”

“I don’t want you to do anything you’re going to regret in the morning,” he pressed.

“Why would you think I’m going to regret anything?” You asked.

“Because you’ve never done this before,” he frowned, “This is coming out of nowhere.”

You’ve been pining for him ever since you hit puberty.

“Do you think you’re going to regret it in the morning?”

He looked away from your intense, questioning gaze. “I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

That was the reason you gave yourself for so long. You didn’t want to tell Jason how you felt because you were scared he wouldn’t see you the same anymore. Or that he would feel self-conscious around you. That he would reject you. That because of your selfish feelings, your relationship would be ruined.

You put out the cigarette in your glass.

“When I was Elisa Martinez,” you began slowly, “I couldn’t be myself, obviously. I couldn’t drink my favourite drink, or watch my favourite shows. You know how deep undercover is like, right? The complete erasure of your identity. Your history. I know some people who actually started to believe their cover story, to the point where they forgot who they really were.”

You paused to make sure you wouldn’t regret whatever you were going to say next.

“Elisa Martinez didn’t know Jason Todd. She never grew up with him. She never… fell in love with him…”

You noticed Jason’s eyes widened, and his grip on you tightened ever so slightly.

“And it was horrible, Jason,” you expressed, “I felt so lonely. So one day when I was alone in my apartment in Havana, I told myself that I wouldn’t be one of those people who gets lost in their cover identities. Unsure and confused about who they were. I vowed that when I got back here, I would truly be myself. No more hiding my feelings or my beliefs. No more stopping myself from getting what I wanted. Because I didn’t realise how having your own identity was a privilege that people took for granted.”

His eyes softened, but he still looked unsure of how to respond.

“So no,” you stated firmly, “I won’t regret it in the morning. Even if you don’t feel the same way, and you don’t want anything to do with me after this, I will not regret telling you how I feel. Because six months of struggling with identities was enough.”

Still straddling him, you crossed your arms to make a point.

“Uh,” he cleared his throat. He let go of his grip on you and ran his hand through his hair again. A habit that you noticed he did when he was either stressed or nervous. “Wow. I mean. I didn’t expect that at all.”

“I know it seems like it’s coming out of nowhere, but I’ve felt like this for years,” you confessed.

And that Jason did what you didn’t expect him to do. He reached out to cup your face, and then smiled at you.

You learned that Jason had many types of smiles. The smile that was really more threatening than it was comforting. The smile that meant he had a devious idea in his head. The smile that didn’t reach his eyes, when he was shaking hands with someone he didn’t like. The smile when he found something funny. The smile when he was thinking of the past.

And the smile that he only reserved for you.

It wasn’t just the upturned corner of his lips that made the smile. It was also the softness of his eyes, the relaxing of his brows. And the actual smile was just a brief moment, followed by his gaze into your eyes. He smiled like that at you during the first time you successfully threw a punch. And that time when you won first place at the science fair. Sometimes he would smile like that when you went on about history, and geopolitics, and the latest episode of your favourite show.

“Me too,” he simply said.

And there it was. The last time you felt this happy was when Lady Shiva told you she had nothing left to teach you.

“But you’re wrong about one thing,” Jason broke you out of your bliss.

“Huh?”

Suddenly he grabbed your hips tightly and threw you off of him, onto the empty space of the sofa. You gasped in surprise at the sudden movement, and before you knew it, he was on top of you, holding you down. He put his face above yours, lips only inches away that you could feel his hot breath.

“I am not a brat.”

And then he kissed you.

His cut lip grazed yours softly at first before sucking in your bottom lip with force. He broke off the kiss and grinned at you.

You narrowed your eyes at him.

And before he knew it, you had flipped him over, causing him to land on his back onto the floor with a loud thud.

Your knee was at his crotch again, a silent threat for him to stay still.

But you knew what had Jason blushing was your hand around his throat.

“Tsk, tsk, Jay,” you whispered in his ear, making a point to softly brush your lips on his lobe. “Don’t be naughty. You know you can’t take me.”

“I- wha-” he sputtered, and then tried to move.

“Nuh uh,” you warned, putting more pressure on his crotch with your knee, “Stay still.”

He continued to look at you in surprise, or confusion, or wonder. You weren’t sure.

What you were sure about was that you felt his cock begin to harden against you.

You chuckled softly to yourself. The truth was, you made it all up just to antagonize him. You didn’t really think he was a brat at first. In fact, all of your previous fantasies were of him dominating you, choking you, pounding into you while your hands were tied to the bed posts. Now that you knew he was into this, though, you didn’t mind. Not one bit.

“I’m going to get up. But you,” you squeezed his neck a little tighter, “You stay like this and do what I say, okay?”

You felt him gulp under your grip and then he nodded.

You stood up and put your hands on your hips. Looking down at him, you appreciated the view.

His hard chest was going up and down fast as he was panting. You saw a flush grow from his neck to his cheeks. Your gaze went down his abs, to his crotch, where you saw the outline of his hard cock and a small dark spot at the tip.

“Take off your pants for me,” you commanded.

He just stared at you.

You raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to threaten you?”

You gently stepped on his cock with your toes.

“Okay, okay!” he hurriedly slid off his sweatpants, revealing his hard on.

You never saw his cock before. You sort of knew it would be large based on the outlines whenever he wore sweatpants or boxers. But, wow.

He was perfectly long, and perfectly thick, and perfectly uncut. Though, his foreskin was now stretched back, revealing his head that was red and pulsating, desperate to be touched.

“Hey, my eyes are up here,” he grinned, his confidence and smug attitude back.

You sat back down on the couch and crossed your legs, making him confused.

“Well?” you prompted, “Start stroking.”

“What?” he asked, “Down here?”

“Mhmm,” you hummed, “Go on.”

He slowly reached for his cock and gave it a squeeze, eliciting a small moan from his lips. You bit your lips at the sound and the sight.

Fuck, he was so hot. You had dreamed of watching him jerk himself off for so long, and now there he was, sprawled on the floor at your feet.

He started to really stroke himself now, his eyes fluttered close and his mouth parted in heavy breaths.

“Fuck,” he gasped.

You saw that his cock was now slick and wet with his precum. You wanted to taste it so bad. You wanted him to shove his cock down your throat and mercilessly fuck your face until you gagged and cried.

Not today. He will have his turn some other time.

“Okay, stop,” you said in a sing-song voice.

“Wh-what? No,” he refused, still fucking his fist.

“Baby,” you stood up, “I said stop.”

He groaned and opened his eyes, his arm stilling around his dick.

You proceeded to take off your jeans, and your bra, causing your breasts to fall. Exposed to him for the first time, Jason was actually smacking his lips.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful. I want to touch you,” he whined and moved to get up.

“No,” you denied, “Stay down there for me.”

You walked over to his head, placed your feet on either side, and then dropped to your knees so you were hovering your pussy right above his lips.

“This is fine too,” he mumbled, hands going straight to your ass, kneading them. Then, he took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of your arousal.

“Mmm, you smell divine,” he whined.

That did it. You just knew that you were drenched.

He started to mouth you through the fabric, kissing your folds, nibbling on them.

“Please, take them off,” he begged.

You complied, only because you couldn’t stand not being touched. The moment you returned to your position, Jason attacked you with his mouth.

“Fuck!” you gasped.

It was as if he was making out with your pussy. Wet lips on wet lips, he licked you everywhere, from between your folds, to your opening, to your clit. It was like he was starved for you. Hungry for you. All the while, the sound of wetness and his muffled moans filled the room.

“Jason,” you sighed. You felt the familiar warmth spread at the base of your core.

He knew what you wanted. You felt him focus on your clit with his tongue, and then a finger entering you slowly.

You let out a high pitch whine when he started finger fucking you while ravishing your clit at the same time.

A second finger.

He was hitting the right spot, so deep inside you. You had thought about this as well. Whenever you saw his fingers on a trigger, or that time when he was making pizza dough and kneading. You imagined his thick, calloused fingers inside you, fucking you the way he was right now.

He quickened his pace and added more pressure to your clit.

You knew he knew you were close. You could feel it. Your body was tense, and you knew you were tightening around his fingers. You gripped his hair with both your hands, because you just needed to hold onto something.

And then you were coming.

You didn’t know you were screaming until you felt a gush of wetness between your legs, splashing everywhere.

Jason fucking Todd made you squirt.

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry,” you apologised. You stood up too quickly and didn’t realise your legs were jelly, so you ended up tripping onto the wet floor next to him.

“That was so hot, don’t be sorry,” he looked at you incredulously. His face was glistening with your juices.

And fuck, was that a sight to behold.

You couldn’t help but grab him by the neck and pull him in for a kiss. You tasted yourself on him.

He crawled on top of you, sucking your lips, pushing his tongue into your mouth. One hand roamed your body while the other propped him up above you. He squeezed your breasts and your nipples, and went down to your waist, between your legs. He gripped your thigh from below and pushed it up so you were spread open.

He hooked your leg on his shoulder.

And without warning, he pushed his cock into your wet, sensitive pussy.

“Fuck!” you screamed as he bottomed inside you.

He filled you up so perfectly, that you never wanted to be empty ever again. He stretched you out so beautifully, that you thought your walls would just be molded into shape specifically for his cock.

“Hnngh,” he groaned, “You feel so fucking good. So fucking tight.”

You felt him thrust deep inside you, reaching all the spots that made you writhe in pleasure. He began pounding you hard, wet slaps made even wetter as you leaked all over his cock.

You weren’t gasping for air. It was so intense that you couldn’t breathe. Your mouth was opened in a silent scream until you actually had to remind yourself to inhale.

There were no words that you could form in that moment. Just absolutely filthy, vulgar sounds that rang through his apartment.

Through teary eyes, you watched him above you.

He was panting, breathing hard. You weren’t sure whether the moisture on his face was from sweat or your juices earlier. His dark hair had fallen down to poke his eyes, his brows pulled down in a frown. His chest had beads of sweat dripping, trickling down to his abs.

He moved his hips with precise and sharp movements. Every thrust into you was accompanied by gasps and whispers of words you couldn’t hear.

“You look so fucking beautiful,” he praised breathily, “I want to watch you come again.”

It wouldn’t take too long.

You were already feeling like you were going to unravel. The heat pooling again, even more intense than your previous orgasm.

Jason increased his pace, and then reached down to your pussy to thumb your clit.

You screamed.

It was like a wave that pulled you down and released you. You felt your body tighten and your walls clench and unclench. You felt hot liquid release from your core, just like waves crashing.

Before you knew it, you felt empty. Jason had pulled out and jerked himself off over you.

He came long and hard in a loud groan. White ribbons of cum shot out of his pulsating cock, reaching all the way to your face.

He collapsed next to you on the floor, huffing and panting.

You felt drowsy all of a sudden, but so fucking relaxed.

“Wow,” you breathed.

“Mmm,” he mumbled, “Can’t move. Can’t think. Shhh.”

You giggled and scooted closer to him, pressing yourself onto his sweaty, sticky skin and rested your head on his chest.

You felt his heartbeat drum against his ribcage.

He rested his arm on your head and played with your hair.

“I can’t believe our first time was on the floor,” he complained.

“I think it describes us perfectly,” you closed your eyes and smiled.

He kissed the top of your head. After a beat, he asked, “Will you tell me what happened in Cuba?”

“One day,” you told him, “I need time to process it as well.”

“Fair enough,” he responded, “So, uh. Are we like, official then?”

“If you want to be.”

“Do you want to be?”

“I do,” you admitted, “I’ve been pining for you for a long time.”

“Me too,” he confessed, “We should have done this sooner.”

“I don’t think so,” you thought, “I think right now is the perfect time. We figured ourselves first, we explored what we wanted to do. We found our reason. Well, I did, at least.”

“So you’re really serious about this then?” he asked, “Fully committed?”

“One hundred percent,” you stated, “I think that we can make real change. Slow change. But change nonetheless.”

“Okay, then,” he sighed.

“Okay?”

“Okay, I’m in,” he said, “I can’t promise you that I will stay for the cause. I can’t promise you that I will even believe in it. But I can’t do the silence again. You have no idea how difficult it was for me, these past six months.”

You frowned. You wondered what happened. You will ask another time.

“But I can promise you that you will always have me,” he continued, “I don’t know what this is, and what these missions need you-or us- to do, but you will always have my support.”

You felt deeply moved. “Thank you,” you whispered.

You didn’t have to worry about your identity anymore. About being confused, about being corrupted by the roles you had to play.

Because as long as Jason was there, you were you.

#jason todd #dc comics #red hood #jason todd/reader #y/n #jason todd x reader #red hood/reader #batman #batfamily

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chabby4memes · 5 months ago

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Now, I know a bunch of people who are super into Helluva Boss- so I get the loredump and have to watch the episodes because group participation so on so forth, but like, knowing what I know about the series, apology tour felt so fucked to me. I don't have any particular fondness for the series, trust me, i find it unbearable as is, and frankly, if not for the fandom and also Stolitz, I would most likely enjoy it- but do keep in mind that this is being written from a mostly analytical view, most of my personal feelings come threw nearer to the end, of course this is an opinion piece, but please do understand that I am solely referencing series for my claims, and I would literally rather be playing Proseka right now if it weren't for how deeply uncomfortable and distressing I find the public opinion on Stolitz, especially Stolas to be.[Please keep in mind that this was written through the lens of Stolas' poor Behaviour, While I do think Blitz is just as bad, this isn't about his actions, but why I find the series handling of him and Stolas, strange and awkward]

Especially after the absolute disaster of the full moon incident. Stolas is right to be mad at Blitz, sure-but after having even some time to reflect, he's acting in a way that feel off- I get that blitz was being really disrespectful and pushy, but can he really not see that he's also at fault for that? He made it sexual, encouraged it, set up this deal that put Blitz's Career at a moments notice and... then he acts almost without any guilt for making Blitz feel worthless and like a convenient object... I get he was passed after Blitz was pushy, and what Blitz said hurt, but something about the immediate attitude kills me- especially when Blitz wants to 'earn' his way to earth, it's a sign he feels like a discarded husk because Stolas neglected to do things in a way Blitz would understand- he knows Blitz takes things badly, he knows Blitz isn't very emotional available, even then, he's experienced that, he's seen it in Ozzie's, where his actions, however small, clearly had a huge effect on Blitz, and for him to not notice that makes it worse- Stolas is notably ignorant throughout the show, even Towards Octavia at times, but when he does it to Blitz and complains that it's 'about sex' its stupid, because he came on to Blitz, and Neglected to firmly tell him or stop him at any point- in the Circus, he knew that Blitz was stealing from him. He knew that. That's undeniable. He didn't care- he never reinforced that the sexual nature of their relationship was bad.

Stolas then calls up Blitz in Murder Family and sets up -the deal- this is an issue, Blitz is incredibly Vulnerable, in multiple ways at that moment. He is in very real danger with someone who is trying to kill him, while he is also now having to negotiate his job and make sure he can feed him, pay his staff and take care of his daughter- I don't fault Blitz in the slightest for just... agreeing. He has all the reason too, what does he have for stolas? Nothing, he has his pride, his service and his body, all things that Stolas can have from any imp in his castle.

I just, wish that Apology Tour was Handled differently, It's fine as is, but ultimately feels wrong, it feels like something else should have happened, the Episode after Stolas makes his largest mistake, because frankly, Blitz was justified in being angry, Stolas refused to give him a reason past sentimental emotional want which Blitz had be demonstrated to not be responsive too multiple times. It's infuriating, really. So to go into the Episode After stolas essentially causes the breakup by being obtuse, and also by refusing to change, because really, Stolas hadn't changed, this is Clear when he compared Blitz to Striker, really? He refuses to understand just how highly Blitz saw him, Blitz saw him as so far above himself, that he needn't not save him because- Stolas, to him, is virtually invincible, especially after truth seekers, it feels wrong to see Stolas say 'it's not an imp's place to protect a goetia.' Because it shows he hasn't changed, he said it sarcastically, but it actually showed what they both mean, Blitz says it because Stolas is Powerful, But Stolas does expect that, even as sarcasm, it carries this undertone that Stolas just, expects others to so as he pleases, and this still extends to Blitz.

So while I love the Episode, I feel that it's timing was poor, something else should have occurred, because After Stolas' Behaviour in the prior episode, to go into an episode about Blitz feels so wrong, or they should have highlighted some more of Stolas' flaws, yeah, they go over the usual, 'stolas is a hopeless romantic' shpeal, but I really feel that as a self contained episode, it's fantastic, but contextually lacking, and the scene were Stolas is drunken and talking to Blitz is charming, but, I really feel that it was almost done in the wrong order, I loved Blitz and Verosika, I have 0 issues with that as things are.

But Stolas, I know Viv knows that Stolas is too in his head, and that's fine, but I really feel like what bothers me the most, is actually the comments I read about People Justifying Stolas' actions- Because, really, he hasn't changed, he is frivolous with the people at the party, as always, but at the same time- he doesn't get it. Blitz is an Imp, Stolas is a Prince, they have entirely different situations. Blitz needed the book, Stolas needed this, and in his moment of weakness, got Blitz to agree to this deal he most likely thought was a trap.

He doesn't understand that the reason people like Striker hate the Royals isn't just because or all willy nilly, he wasn't listening, even the way he responds shows this, he was most likely to say 'I have no idea what you're saying' or something like that, immediately putting his self constructed world-view first- Stolas almost does this thing with he life where he thinks it sucks so much that nobody's life is worse- Him whining to Blitz (while he was drunk so ill take it with salt.) About wanting to be held shows this- he doesn't once consider that Blitz has experienced that very pain, that he has these issues with understanding how good he's got it- and it shows, Stolas, however poor his life is, is incredibly privileged, regardless of the horrible circumstances this incurred him; Him insisting that Blitz and him are totally equal in a way that implies that everyone would see it the same regardless of Stella, or Striker, or Blitz telling him that the class difference is noticeable and unavoidable. It doesn't matter because stolas doesn't wanna hear it.

Hell, what about his Butler imp, whom he physically harms and makes more than enough work for, the fridge scene should be noticed.

It deeply upsets me to see Blitz villainised by the audience, it does, because I can see so many relatable traits about his self worth in myself and others- and when people use anything to Defend Stolas while disregarding Blitz- because really, in Full Moon, and too an Extent some other episodes, Ozzie's and Western Energy, I see him being treated like an actual monster; Western Energy is super important for Blitz's development, it displays his inner workings with his views of stolas, this powerful demon prince who is basically immortal.

Ozzie's grates me because I've seen some opinions here and there where people blame Blitz for not wanting to be with Stolas romantically, disregarding that Blitz in his eyes basically just had Stolas himself display how humiliating it is to be with Blitz and how Blitz can never be loved.

So for Stolas to get mad at Blitz for being hurt and saying he thinks relationships are stupid bothers me because Stolas has now repeatedly hurt Blitz this way, The Arrangement, Ozzie's and now Full Moon- so while I believe that both Parties need to get over their individual issues and traumas Stolas' are infinitely more dangerous to the relationship because while Blitz miscommunicates and acts poorly, Stolas is basically in a state of complete disconnect from him and Blitz and also everything else, Stolas just thinks 'I need to change' and thinks he has. 'Things will be different' but no understanding as to what he or that even means.

Blitz ultimately ends up being the moat aware member of this relationship, because he is more than acutely aware of what he can lose, his life, daughter, friends, everything; Stolas is afraid of losing Octavia, but also doesn't think about it, because really, in terms of hurting people, he's just as Bad, he just never had the social circle to hurt, he's as Clumsy as Blitz at this, as careless, as reckless, but Unlike Blitz, Stolas is in over his head, overattached, he'd destroy the relationship at its most tender by not comprehending, overcompensating and a complete lack of self-awareness in his personal wrongdoings.

Blitz is really more of a threat to an informal relationship, because he's allowed to be in denial, he left Verosika after she got vulnerable, as he said, he cuts things off early, but Stolas, for his own self-perceived understanding, didn't read the Subtext.

Which is really annoying. Because he was basically relying on Blitz's ability to read Subtext and got maddened and frustrated and unreasonable when he couldn't, he's just getting mad at Blitz for something he also does. And this isn't at all to say that Blitz isn't also an asshole. He is, but I'm talking in the context of people exonerating Stolas too easily.

I just hope that we get an Episode truly going into Stolas' flaws the same way, because really, They are both as bad as eachother for love... and it cements to me, that this series should have had Stolitz be a B-Plot, because I find the series to be incredibly grating, because of them, as I said, I only watch it so I can talk to my friends about something they like- but, this was an issue within both Audience perception and pacing that really bothered me

#Helluva Boss #helluva boss blitzo #helluva boss season 2 #stolas #stolitz #helluva boss stolas #blitzo #tw rant #apology tour

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etherealspacejelly · 1 year ago

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you quit your software engineering job to pursue environmental science?? do tell!

(i have a software engineering job. it makes me sad.)

so when i was like. 10. i had this teacher who taught us basic scratch programming. and i was like. freakishly good at it. i picked it up super quickly and was even helping the other students to fix their problems. and so he said to me "you know, you could be a great computer programmer one day" and i was like. yeah! i could!

so throughout highschool my One and Only goal was to become a software engineer. every time i went to the career counsellor thats what i said. so i did computer science at gcse, and got a 9, and i did computer science at a level and got an A*. (i did other subjects too of course. but those were the ones i was focussed on)

then i finished my a levels and i went straight into looking for an apprenticeship. no one was really interested in me because i didnt have any experience or a degree. so then my dad got me an internship with some guys he knew at a company that worked in his building, and i managed to build up some actual industry skills. then i got an apprenticeship! it paid super well and the team was great and it was work from home.

and i hated it.

i was just sitting in my room at my dads house 9-5 mon-fri writing code all by myself. it was lonely and boring and i didnt really know what i was doing. it was supposed to be an apprenticeship but it just felt like a job. they didnt teach me how to do anything they just said "do this and come to me if you run into a problem". half the time they didnt even give me any work to do for days at a time so i was just watching youtube or scrolling on tiktok. which sounds great but it wasnt because i felt guilty the whole time and was terrified of being found out and fired, even tho it wasnt my fault? they literally werent giving me work to do?

anyway. a few months into it i was like man Fuck this. im going to university. so i started looking at courses. it actually started with astrophysics, but since i didnt take a science at a level i didnt have the requirements for that. then i found environmental science! it was all the stuff im passionate about: climate change, conservation, natural processes and earth science. so i worked on my application letter and applied, and i got in!

so i went to my boss and was like hey. im putting in my notice. i got into university. and they were like "oh noooo we're so sad to see you go :( you were doing so well and we were so pleased with your work and your progress :(" (and i was like. huh?? i literally didnt fucking do anything. but oh well.)

so i worked until the end of my 6 week notice and then i handed my stuff back in and left. i had a bit of a summer vacation and then started uni! and ive been here for just over a year now :)

its honestly so much better. i have so many new friends, i got to move out of my mums house, im in full control of my life.

so take this as your reminder that its never too late! you can always change your path.

you are in control.

#inbox #ask #inbox open #life advice #software engineering #environmental science #university #career change

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anaisnotrying · 2 years ago

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"Have I been lied to..?"

₊ genre and tags: angst. idol au but its only mentioned once.

͟͟͞͞ pairing: idol!heeseungx gn!reader.

˚ synopsis: you and heeseung can fake a relationship, but for how long before everything blows up and feelings get hurt?

➳ warnings: angst. crying. mean hee. breaking up. sad times mainly (oops.. )

❥ wc: - 853 wors exact

˚₊ a/n: heeseung angst cuz was feeling emo srry guys 😞.

Everyone knew you and heeseung had the perfect relationship. All the qualities that were written in books and told in fairy tales. People were always so jealous of the love you had for each other. Love support care comfort admiration endearment etc etc. but that wasn't the case behind closed doors.

It always starts this way. You say something and he says the opposite leading to useless fights over nothing. You were too similar, both being close minded and only sticking to what you believed in. even when it came to someone you supposedly 'loved'. You were both so selfish.

It's the same thing over and over again. You get offended and leave, but he brings you back. he leaves and you bring him back. Always claiming " I love you and I dont want to". But, alas here you are again fighting over you can't even remember because you let your insecurities take over both of you. Again.

"God is it my fault you're always so insecure?! I'm sick of comforting you all the time. I have my own worries tooyou know. You're just so frustrating and exhausting. I hate being with you I hate you." he yells and mutters the last part. It stuns you. How can it not? After everything you've done for him. He still choose to say i hate you?

Standing there and taking in what he said, you look up at his eyes "...i love you, im sorry Im like this." you whisper while your eyes well up with tears. he's unaffected at first, he's seen it a before. you'll cry, he'll hug you and apologize and then you'll sleep on the same bed holding each other as if nothing happened.

You'll live tomorrow like nothing happened. But this time seems different. He can tell the look in your eyes shows that your mad at urself more than him. Even after he told you that you mean nothing to him and when he basically poured salt in all your wounds.

"Maybe we should just break up for good this time and i mean it."

"maybe we should just try to tell ourselves a good lie and say that we ended on good terms isn't that what you want people to know?"

"look I didn't mean to say that, but-"

"you can't take it back and say you were trying to make me understand how you feel.You always say too much and regret it after. I'm done forgiving you." you say locking eyes with him.

"you didn't mean to say I love you from the beginning either right?"

"... I'm sorry y/n."

"yeah i get it, i wouldn't wanna be with someone like me either"

"I-"

"someone like me deserves better than to be treated like this. I've done all I can to help you too. I saved you heeseung, multiple times that wasn't easy you know. I saved your friendships, your career, and I saved you from yourself too. Why am I still taking the blame after all that?"

It's better to say everything right now than holding these words in, even after you leave each other. "I never felt loved being with you. Everything that's associated with you is fake. your smile, the look in your eyes, your laugh, everything about you is just.. fake." You say with a scoff and walk towards him brushing his hair out of his eyes and holding his cheek in your hand as you always do. Always holding him so softly and gingerly. As if he's made of glass. To you he is. He always is.

His only problem other than being a selfish prick, is that he bites more than he can chew. No matter how much he promises to change and be better. He can't. He knows that he can't, and now he's done promising, which is why this is all happening.

"Admit that you're fake heeseung. That's all you'll be." you mutter and give him a pitiful look as more tears well up in your eyes blurring your vision. Blurring the tears welling up in his eyes too.

"I'm sorry." he whispers with a broken voice. He holds the hand that's on his cheek. He holds it and squeezes it showing his sincerity this time. Showing that he means it this time. but it's too late.

You pull away sighing. Taking your coat and bag, heading straight to the door. You tell urself not to look back. You know that if you look back you'll see him again, all broken and hurt, that sight that always breaks you and pulls you back to him.

"bye heeseung, I love you." you say as you open the door. You leave as if you're just going to work, as if you're just going out and that you'll come back soon enough. But now you both know that you're leaving for the last time and for good. No going back. No looking back. No taking back anything that happened .

"sorry y/n." was the last thing you heard as you closed the door behind you.

So much for 'perfect love' huh?

taglist!! :(tagging moots for now send wn ask or dm to be added to the permanent list!!) @redm4ri ꗃ @taejays ꗃ @slytherinhobi ꗃ @skz-minchan-enthusiast

#heeseung #lee heeseung #enhypen #enhypen angst #heeseung angst #angst #enhypen x reader #enhypen x gender neutral reader #enhypen x y/n #enhypen x female reader #enhypen scenarios #enhypen drabbles #enhypen fic #enhypen heeseung

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fermentingheart · 2 months ago

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Ace Attorney 4 Ramble

I just finished AA4 today (like 2 hours ago as I am writing this) and I have a whole world of complex feelings on it that I desperately need to get out.

Spoilers Ahead for all of Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney.

ALSO this ramble is like. Super long. (sorry....................). ALSO ALSO. I def have grammar and spelling errors in here.. forgive and forget </3

I've been a fan of Ace Attorney since my 9th grade year of high school, when I first started the Phoenix Wright trilogy. I completed it over my entire school-career there, so I have a soft spot for the games. When I beat AA3 I was super emotional, but excited (and worried) to know there were 3 more mainline games waiting for me.

My initial anxieties came from the way the fandom talks about the Apollo Justice trilogy. To my understanding, the same writer that made the first 3 games is not responsible for these one, and it has kinda led itself to be a bit of a stepdown from its predecessors. That was disappointing to hear, but I don't try to let others opinions influence me too deeply without experiencing something myself.

Overall, I though AA4 was good! It didn't wow me, not left me with deep sentiments like AA1 or AA3, but it is definitely better than my least favorite game so far, AA2. It does have its faults, which, as far as I can see, are mirrored by most AA fans.

My biggest complaints is that the game feels like it bit off more than it can chew, and that it is sometimes pretty tedious to play.

The writers had to juggle a big task of explaining the backstories of Phoenix, Apollo, Trucy, and Klavier. Unfortunately, I do think Apollo and Klavier get the short-end of the stick, and I largely sum that up to that being the fault of the hook of the game.

Our former player character, my most beloved guy, Phoenix Wright, lost his attorney badge due to forged evidence, and hasn't been a lawyer for 7 years !? I'll admit, I was sucked in at this premise. I knew it wasn't as it seemed. It would be widely out of character for Wright to ever do such a thing, but, the Phoenix we meet seems so foreign and distant to who we once knew. I wanted to know answers, and luckily or unluckily, the game explains everything.

It spends so much of its time talking about Phoenix, and later down the line, Trucy, that I do agree with the common sentiment that Apollo feels a bit shelved in his own game. Phoenix is enveloped in the mystery of the whole game, that I never really bothered to question what Apollo's deal was. He is great character, but not distinctive enough from Phoenix that it made question his motives as a defense attorney, or how he even grew up (I mean, we don't know much about Phoenix's prior life besides tidbits from his time in primary school). It wasn't until the twist with Apollo, that he is Trucy's older, half-brother, who inherited the Gramayare special ability, did I stop to think about how this game could have benefitted from shifting its focus onto Apollo.

I don't think that it would have been impossible for the game to balance Phoenix and Apollo's backstories, seeing as they both connect to Zak Gramayare's trial. If the reversed the chronology of how they presented their information even a little bit, I think they could have gotten away with this balancing act they were going for.

Ultimately, I do believe the game would have done best with another case that could help set the story up (or like. Change Turnabout Corner to something else. I thought that case was fun but if you think about it, it is painfully out of place with the other three...), because I still think that in a magical world where my suggestions were implemented, Klavier Gavin still would have been sidelined.

I really wanted to love Klavier Gavin. He was like a hair away of itching my brain just right that he would become all I talk about for the next 6 months. Unfortunately, he was given to little to late. I think the game believes it gave Klavier a bigger character arc than he actually had. His confrontation with Kristoph, is good, but no where near as satisfying as it could have been if anything about his relationship with his brother was established before. In a series that rides on sibling relationships, I was looking forward to potential Dahlia and Iris, or even Edgeworth and Franziska. We can piece together what their relationship must have been like by their few interactions and how Kristoph was 100% fine with screwing Klavier over to win a case, but ughhh. I wanted more, and I feel so sorely disappointed with what I got.

AA4 is also tedious to an extent. Although I don't hate Turnabout Serenade as much as everyone else seems to, it does amplify some of the issues the game has. I think the logic of this game in particular was pushing it, even for Ace Attorney standards (how could Tobey of ever been the killer...) and some of the things we have to prove to pull different cases back on our side was. Absurd. Ace Attorney rides on the fact that its legal system is only vaguely defined so we can't really complain too much about it (and the story's constant theme of corruption also absolves it from too much criticism about how nonsensical the court in sometimes). I love this as much as I hate this. I might have not cared as much if they weren't setting up this "big change" in the legal system that would seemingly improve upon these court issues. I'll keep it simple. I think the jury system in application to the game was underwhelming, and shouldn't of just been a plot beat.

I know this long rant may make it seem like I don't like the game, but that's not true at all! I think I'm critical on AA4 because I know how good the series can be. Still, there is so much I loved about the game.

The art and animation is the first thing I noticed as a huge improvement from the prior games, which is already incredible since I think the Ace Attorney series is one of them best when it comes to its visuals. All the sprites are more vibrant than before, but the character seem all the more harmonious with their setting. The court especially looks gorgeous. I love the beautiful browns they use. Also? All the character designs are bangers. So are their reactions. Ace Attorney is known for their character "breakdowns" and AA4 did no disappoint (my favorites are Ogla when she is still pretending to be a random Russian woman, Alita, and Kristoph).

The new mechanics brought into the game have got to be my favorite aspects of it. The "perceive" ability has to be my favorite. I think its very concept is such a good progression from the prior games, I was disappointed it was implemented more. Speaking of, Ema's forensic sciences! I always felt that not bringing back her mechanics after AA1 was such a shame, so I was thrilled that not only were most of the evidence we got observable in 3D, but also that she had little mini-games to make the investigations that more engaging.

Another place where AA4 succeeds for me is its character directions. I think I could go on about all the characters besides a handful of them, truly, but as to not make my ramble any longer, I'll focus on a select few!

Apollo is a fun protagonist. I do think he stands in Phoenix's shoes for a little too long, but the more I played as him, the better I was at finding where he diverges from our previous protagonist. I think he is so silly, and I hope we get to spend more time in his head.

I hold similarly sentiments about Trucy. I'll be honest, I was getting tired of the quirky side-character/assistant trope, and was hoping for someone different when I got into the game. Even though Trucy still fits the outline, she is adorable in her own ways. Her magician bit surprisingly didn't get old to me. She's super loveable and stands out from Maya in her own way.

I adored Ema! Her backstory is honestly so realistic (and depressing??). Seeing her loose some of her spark after life didn't go out as planned for her is devastating, but it makes her all the more relatable, honestly. It was satisfying to see her progressively become more amicable throughout the game, however subtle that was, and even experience her warming up Apollo and Trucy. By Case 4, I really feel that some of "old Ema" has finally returned to her, and I couldn't be more happy.

Oh and finally... my evilest of guys.... the worst ever... my most beloved loathed....

Kristoph..... Gavin.................

I don't think Kristoph is an extremely complex character. He is petty, pompous, and vindicative, but I think his simplicity allows him to shine in that manner. He makes such an impression in the few moments we see him. He's genuinely menacing and pretty intelligent to boot? I think his plan was a bit contrived, but it was so fun and again, extremely petty that I can forgive him of all he has ever done wrong. He said it himself, he is an evil, horrible man, and I love that it is as simple as that. He felt wronged because he couldn't get notoriety off of a sure to be famous case, and so he killed 2 people, attempted to kill 1 other person, and committed like several other crimes on top of that. He sucks and I think that's beautiful.

AA4 doesn't live up to the hype that AA3 left me with, but I am satisfied with the game overall! Despite my complaints, it was such a fun time, and I am thrilled to get to the next games and see how they build upon it. Now if you excuse me I'm going to look at Kristoph for a prolonged period of time.

#ramblings #aa4 spoilers #aa4 #ace attorney

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