#because guess who’s functioning is being impaired?

[jjjjisun]

Dreaming of Umji (Part 1)

Umji X Male OC | 10636 words

TW: Incest

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Part 2 early access here.

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Science has long served to explain every occurrence, every aspect of human life, and the world around us. The older we get as a species, the greater our understanding of humanity we gain. It is a truly remarkable time to be alive, as science is advancing at an unprecedented rate. You might even be right. Then again, imagine years ago, the incredibility of discovering space, or the roundness of our planet, or even the existence of microscopic cells within our very lifeblood.

The point is that mysteries have long existed in many facets of our lives, and even at the rate we seem to be explaining them all away, those that escape us are still nothing short of exhilarating.

Such is the human mind. Indeed, science has recently debunked the myth that humans use only 10 percent of their brains, as we utilize up to 100 percent of our brains at times. We have gained significant knowledge about the functionality and components of the human brain. But it still largely escapes us. Only guesses have been made at exactly what part of the brain fires when you are reaching for something on the table, or thinking hard about a problem you've encountered. Consciousness, our need for sleep, memory, and prediction are still concepts that science falls short of explaining.

Jae was thinking of nothing quite so intellectual on his way home one Wednesday afternoon from work. He was making the 30-minute drive from his office to his house in the suburbs and instead his mind was on getting home in time to catch the football game.

It wasn't because of impaired driving, on his part or the driver of the pickup that blew a tire. It wasn't the weather. It was just a chance.

Somewhere in the time between the smash of his car colliding with the sidewall of the bridge and the rush of cool water against his skin, it happened. Just as there are inexplicable occurrences in science, there is that one-in-a-million happenstance, or what some might call a miracle.

The whiplash of breaking through the barrier… the weightlessness throughout a thirty-foot plunge and the jarring smack of his head against the airbag could have done it. The right combination of trauma and never-before-encountered emotions and sensations could have done it. Or maybe it was the full two minutes of unconsciousness before Jae was revived on the bank of the lake by a heroic bystander.

And it didn't happen right away. He didn't know it as he was being brought in an ambulance to the hospital, nor did he sense that something was different as his family huddled around him in the emergency room.

A few bumps and bruises, a dislocated shoulder, and a possible concussion were the diagnosis. Jae would be a Subaru man until the day he died. His son, Jinwoo, and daughter, Umji, hugged and kissed him, particularly Umji, who seemed not to believe him for a second when he told her, "No, honey, I don't need anything, everything is okay." She refused to stop kissing him on the cheek every chance she got as the police recounted the events of the day for the record.

His wife Ari even poured it on pretty thick. She made sure to ask a few presumptuous questions about whether Jae was driving fast, the way he usually does, or on the phone with his business partner about the recent property they'd acquired. Still, for the most part, she seemed genuinely worried about him.

The doctors insisted that Jae stay overnight for observation. He grumbled at it, but in the end agreed. Umji fought hard to stay for the night, but her mother argued that she had school in the morning and would not miss it again. Oooh, that look on his daughter's face was scornful as he watched her succumb to her mother's will; Jae knew the feeling well.

"I'll be just fine, baby; don't worry about your old dad," Jae told her.

"I'm taking care of you every day, before and after school, daddy, and I don't care how many times you tell me you're fine," said his concerned teenager, leaning in for one last peck on the lips before she had to leave.

God, she was a good girl. Jae had always felt like he lucked out with Umji. Most fathers his age had nothing but complaints about their daughters, who were close to Umji's age. Attitude, disobedience, and boys were some of the biggest gripes - but at eighteen, Umji had stayed out of trouble, mostly, and she and her dad were very close. Pretty too, very pretty, and yet his young brunette had already learned how to deal with boys, and Jae rarely had to scare them away from her.

"Umji, it's time to go," said her mother, eliciting a frustrated sigh from their young daughter. He was disappointed to see her leave. It would have been fun to have Umji along for the night, but he knew she needed to get some sleep before school.

Jae said goodbye to his wife and son and watched them leave. He didn't necessarily want to stay in the hospital that night, (who ever did) but he was so damn tired that he could barely keep his eyes open. His body and his mind were beckoning him to sleep - to get some much-needed rest after a traumatic day.

As he lay in bed, listening to the bustle of the hospital dying down around his room, Jae couldn't help but replay the crash. He remembered it in slow motion, agonizing over whether or not he could have avoided it altogether. Thank God nobody else was hurt. The driver of that truck was exceedingly lucky he hadn't cruised off the other side of the bridge!

Finally, he drifted off to sleep, remembering how nice it had been to have his family doting over him, remembering that silly lip gloss his daughter wore and how he could taste it after she'd kissed him goodnight.

Dreams are one of the most interesting parts of existence. It's almost an alarming thought that your mind is free to run rampant outside the bounds of consciousness. They come and go. Some nights, they are vivid and seem to unfold twice as long as the time you spend lying in bed. Other nights, the mind seems to stay quiet, or it leaves no trace of the things imagination had conjured up in the hours preceding waking. You can't control them, except on that rare occasion where you wake up and beg to go back to sleep and finish that one thing your dream-self had been desperately trying to achieve. You can influence things a little bit as you hover in that shallow area of consciousness.

Jae's dreams that night were seemingly normal. He dreamt of the accident, replaying it in his head. He dreamed of the project he'd been working on, wishing dearly that it'd be successful. He imagined that he had sustained no injuries in the accident - a hopeful thought given how much his shoulder socket had begun to ache by the time he fell asleep. Though he wouldn't fully remember it in the morning, he also had a mischievous thought of the nurse who'd been attending him, wondering what it might be like if she wore something that allowed him a better look at her sizable chest through her scrubs when she bent over to check his vitals.

But something was different, something that Jae had yet to realize. Scientific research has recently begun connecting the dots about how people dream. It has yet to be explained why, but during sleep, the brain is capable of accessing many different sectors of the brain that are used in everyday life. However, theories have long existed that dreams might extend even further. To Jae, his dreams appeared normal. He awoke, remembering a bit more than usual of what he'd dreamed about, but was otherwise unfazed. It took him a moment or two to realize where he was, to replay the events of the previous day, and accept the inconvenience of having sunk his car to the bottom of the lake.

There was something curious, though: for a man who had been in a terrifying car crash the day before, he felt pretty good. The wooziness he'd felt before going to sleep and the ache in his shoulder seemed to have abated. Jae had long taken pride in his healing time, and this struck a chord with his ego. He wrote his curiosity off.

"Good morning, Mr. Nam," said his nurse with a smile. She was pretty; she made staying in the hospital more tolerable, if nothing else.

"Good morning, Janey, and please stop calling me Mr. Nam; it makes me feel like my Dad," Jae replied, watching her move about the room, opening the curtains and checking his machines.

"You sucked those fluids right up Jae," she replied, "feeling any better?"

He laughed, "a lot."

"Well, good, because the doc gave me the go-ahead to release you after I check your blood pressure and do a couple of cognitive tests. Are you ready to go home?"

"Definitely," Jae replied

"Good. I hope you don't mind that I called your wife, and she's on her way to pick you up now. I've gotta grab a few things and I'll be right back to do those tests."

"Trying to get rid of me, Janey?" Jae asked.

"Never!" she scoffed.

Jae was thinking about how cute Janey was as she walked out the door. The young man in him imagined how he might go about hitting on her if he were single. The married man in him told Jae to cool it.

While Janey was out of the room, Jae surveyed his wounds. The place where he'd hit his arm on the dashboard hadn't bruised up the way he'd expected. He could make out the shape of the radio's frame… or he was imagining it. His shoulder, too… he rolled it around and found that it was not nearly as sore as it should have been, and that time he'd dislocated it when he was skiing had been far worse!

'Ah well,' he thought, thinking that it was always less painful the second time you got an injury like that.

A few minutes later, the cute nurse was back. She even smelled nice as she hovered over Jae, wrapping the blood pressure monitor around his arm.

If he hadn't been paying close enough attention, Jae might have missed it. But given that it's not every day he had a pretty woman standing so near and fond of him, Jae was paying attention. The way she was bending over gave him an unhindered view of her shirt. She'd worn a low cut top as well under her nurse's uniform, and there was something so familiar about the view he got of Janey's bra and ample tits. Even the shade of purple of her bra reminded him of something he'd seen in his dream the night before. Janey was smiling at Jae innocently enough, though he suspected she knew what he'd seen. Needless to say, he went home a little more fired up than usual.

Fast forward a whole day of his family doting on him, of Umji constantly at his side and cuddling with him on the couch while insisting he not move a muscle. By the next morning, Jae was feeling better than ever. His shoulder felt fine, and his bruises were all but gone. He'd slept great too, except for his dreams, which had been markedly more active than usual.

Of course, he never shared it with anyone, but it wasn't uncommon for Jae to have inappropriate dreams of his daughter. Most times, he just shrugged them off, and from the moment he woke up, he did his best to think no more of it. She was cute, charming, with pretty brown hair and the curves that he'd watched form in the last few years. What's a guy to do when he's got that prancing around his house all the time? Nothing out of line ever happened because of a dream.

This morning, he felt particularly guilty. There was no denying that he'd had an incredibly�� inappropriate… dream about Umji. The hard-on he awoke with was sign enough that his guilt was well placed. Unfortunately, one of those vivid dreams had stuck with him even after he woke, and this one featured Jae engaging in activity with his eighteen-year-old that he hadn't had to chastise himself for in a good long while.

What had it been about…? It was a play on something she always did… Oh, that's right; she tended to wear these outfits around the house… A short skirt, some kind of cropped top or a sports bra… Whatever it was, it always seemed to drive him crazy. She also had a habit of wearing his t-shirts… as she was in this vision.

As he sat up in bed, he recalled how, in the dream he'd had, his little girl had been bent over the granite countertop. He'd slid his hands up her tight little body and felt her breasts cupped in his palms. Umji was calling out his name, "Daddy…daddy…".

Jae shook his head, expelling the vision with a twinge of shame. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a dream so severe. He'd only glanced at her in that sundress the day before, so what had made his mind stray so far overnight? It wasn't lost on Jae that his dreams had been a bit strange since the accident. He wrote it off to his brain, still recovering from the whiplash and smack against his airbag. Shaking himself fully awake, Jae headed downstairs.

Ari was already off to work, but his daughter would be milling around downstairs by now. She was usually an early riser, unlike his son. Shrugging off his earlier feelings of guilt, Jae threw on a shirt and made his way downstairs.

Sure enough, Umji was in the kitchen. She was wearing one of his shirts - the smaller triathlon one he liked quite a bit ,actually, though it was still far too big for Umji. 'Odd,' Jae thought, remembering how he'd had a dream only a few hours ago with Umji in a very similar getup at the very same countertop where she now stood.

"Hey you… Wearing my clothes again, huh?"

Umji turned around from her place at the counter, beaming with a smile upon seeing her dad.

"I'll give it back, Daddy, I promise," Umji answered, running over to him and almost jumping into his arms until she remembered he could still be hurting from the accident. She stood on her toes instead and kissed him. "Good morning, Dad!"

She did look adorable in that shirt, though. A momentary flash of his dream the night before popped into Jae's head. It was hard to control such thoughts with such a looker for a daughter. The shirt did very little to conceal her young frame. At 5'-5", and barely over 110 pounds, God was she in great shape. She had this little butt that Jae worried endlessly over; she refused to wear anything that didn't hug her perky cheeks. He couldn't stand seeing her out in public in a bathing suit… Umji was his baby, and there was no question that eyes were always on her.

Not to mention her breasts, which were perfectly round and bigger than her mother's, if he had to guess, she was probably a 32C, but from the look of them, they'd be more than a handful.

So, seeing his little brunette in a shirt (and that seemed to be ALL she was wearing), it was difficult not to think about the dream he'd awoken to. Still, he did his best to put it to the back of his mind, which got easier when her breasts weren't smushed up against him as she kissed him.

"Can I get you some coffee, Daddy?" Umji asked.

"Definitely," Jae answered, watching her scamper over toward the coffee pot.

Jae attempted to read the first few lines of the paper on the table as his daughter poured him a cup of coffee, but then his eyes caught a glimpse of something that demanded his gaze.

He had noticed his baby wasn't wearing a bra - she did that sometimes - but as she bent over to get the sugar from the drawer beneath the coffee pot, he saw it. The shirt was short enough to begin with: her long, toned legs had been more than an eyeful for him that morning and he'd seen the very bottom curve of her butt when she turned away from him - probably more than any father is meant to see of his offspring.

But then she bent at the waist and reached into the drawer.

She had to know he would see?! What was she thinking??

Jae's eyes widened as he saw his baby's little pussy from behind.

It was puffy and bare, just a thin little slit peeking between her legs. It was so tiny, even more perfect than he'd imagined in his dream. He couldn't take his eyes off her.

Then Umji cleared her throat. How long had he been looking? Had she seen him? He quickly looked down at the paper, hoping he hadn't been caught staring. That would be awkward indeed.

"I know you like one teaspoon of sugar, Dad, but do you want anything else?" She asked sweetly, standing up torturously slowly from her leant-over position. Jae was looking out of the corner of his eye; he simply couldn't take his eyes off his teenager's bare little lips.

"Just sugar, thanks, hun." He said, probably inadvertently reacting slowly enough to let on what he'd seen.

"Are you sure, daddy?" Umji asked, with a peculiar tone to her voice.

This time, Jae looked over at his daughter, expecting that she'd be standing up and hopefully not revealing anything intimate the way she had before. But it was not to be.

When Umji was sure she had her father's attention, she slowly arched her back. Her eyes locked on Jae's, and he watched, as if in slow motion, as his daughter moved her hands to the hem of the shirt.

She slowly pulled the bottom upward and bent over a little like she had been before. Neither of them spoke a word as Umji pulled the shirt above her butt and held it there at her lower back, showing her dad what she'd 'accidentally' shown him before.

This couldn't be happening. What the hell was going on?

What had gotten into his daughter?

She let him take a good long look, holding the shirt up for him and sticking her butt out so she was sure he'd see clearly, and more purposefully, her naughty little pussy.

"It's okay, daddy, you can look."

And he did. For a moment, Jae forgot where he was. He forgot who he was. All he saw was his bottomless little girl in front of him, teasing him with a view of the lower half of the beauty he'd brought into existence.

'God dammit!' he thought, 'stop it, this isn't even real! I must still be dreaming.'

But Umji spoke again, bringing him back to a reality that was simply impossible to accept.

"I told you I'd take care of you, daddy, didn't I?"

Jae snapped out of it. "Umji, what are you doing? Are you crazy… your mother could… your brother is right upstairs."

Umji smiled, obviously pleased. Not only had her daddy been stunned - in a good way - by what he'd seen, but he also hadn't told her to stop… He'd only been worried that they might get caught! Jae realized his mistake as he saw the look of pride on his daughter's face.

"Mom's already at work, Dad, and you know Jinwoo doesn't get up 'til like a minute before he needs to leave."

Jae still couldn't believe what was happening. But he also couldn't help staring at his baby's sweet little slit.

"Umji, I'm your father. What the hell are you doing?"

"I know you are, but that didn't stop you from staring at my pussy for like a minute before." Umji stuck her butt out even more, this time even wiggling it back and forth in a way that made her father's member throb.

He realized, then, how incredibly hard he'd gotten and hoped desperately his daughter wouldn't see.

"Umji, stop that right now! You are acting…" But he couldn't finish. Words just couldn't seem to describe what was happening.

"Acting… what, daddy? Acting naughty…slutty? Maybe, but I saw you looking. I think you like it!"

"I'm not kidding," Jae continued, "you knock it off right now! Cover yourself up this instant."

The smile on his daughter's face faded slightly. This wasn't going exactly the way she wanted. What HAD she wanted? When did Umji start acting like this around her father? They'd never been overtly sexual together in the past. Maybe a little touchy-feely here and there, but Jae had never dreamed of something like this happening. But wait, he HAD dreamed it.

Looking at his daughter now, Jae realized… she was standing in exactly the position he'd imagined her. By God, she might have been wearing the very same shirt.

Like the day before, when his nurse, Janey, had worn that purple bra and left just enough buttons open for him to see down her shirt, also just the way he imagined it…

And his shoulder… the pain had miraculously disappeared, despite what the doctor had told him about expecting to need the painkillers he'd prescribed.

Then, while checking his e-mail that morning, Jae had read a message from his business partner that the real-estate deal he'd been working so hard on was moving forward, just like he'd dreamed it would.

But right now, he was dealing with something far more incredible. He'd had a dream only hours before, where he had succumbed to his little girl's irresistibility in the very spot she now stood. He couldn't remember it all, but there was something she'd said… something so unbelievable that when he'd conjured it up, his slumbering mind had lit up with excitement. He'd told her to "cover herself up right now…" the very words he just spoke. And she'd said…what was it…?

Umji spoke, cutting through the silence of his disbelief,

"I'll cover myself up… after."

Jae winced. He could see from the look in his daughter's eyes exactly what she meant. He sensed his heart racing so fast he could feel it in his temples. His cock was threatening to burst from his shorts.

Could it be? He might have called the disappearance of the pain or the successful deal a sheer coincidence. He'd imagined it going well because it HAD been going well to begin with. Even his nurse looked the part before he'd ever imagined her wearing that bra and giving him quite a peek into her shirt. But this… There was no coincidence about this.

The dream had been so vivid, and his daughter so gorgeous that he had woken picturing the look on her face when he first touched his bare cock to her pussy.

His legs moved of their own accord. He pushed out his stool and stood up. Slowly, Jae approached his teenage daughter, never once breaking eye contact with her. She, too, was breathing heavily, obviously nervous about this absurd encounter the two of them were in the midst of.

He didn't know it, but Umji had woken that morning feeling compelled to act out this crazy dream she'd had the night before. Every once in a while, she had a naughty thought or dream about her dad, but never something of such intensity. She was so excited as she sat up in bed that she had to pinch herself to be sure she was awake. As she walked to her closet to find something to wear, her hand reached for his t-shirt without even thinking about it. Her little lips got wetter and wetter as she waited that morning for her dad to come downstairs, and never once did she falter in her resolution to do everything she could to seduce him. It was ridiculous, and she knew it, but there was this part of her that somehow…knew… that if she just tried it, she would get what she wanted.

Umji's heart picked up pace with each step he took towards her. As he came out from behind the island, she saw that his shorts were tented almost comically. There was nothing comical, however, about how big he must have been to be making his shorts stick out as much as they were.

She didn't say a word, not wanting to hurt any chance that things would go her way. She simply swayed her backside at him slowly, hoping that the wide-eyed daze on his face was good and not bad.

Umji held her breath as her father got close enough to touch her. He walked right up behind her and stood quietly for a few seconds that felt like hours.

Then he reached out.

Jae placed his hands delicately on his daughter's naked backside. God, what was he doing? This couldn't be happening. It must have been a dream; it simply had to be. But as his fingers came into contact with his daughter's soft skin, he knew it wasn't

Umji finally took a breath, one of relief, to feel that instead of quickly covering up her bottom as she worried he might, her father instead slid each of her cheeks fully into his hands.

He shouldn't. This was absurd. The little temptress in front of him was his fucking daughter. But damn did she feel good. He hadn't had even the slightest sexual encounter in far too long, and this gorgeous teen in front of him was practically begging for it.

"Mnnnhhhhh…" she breathed, trying to slide her butt further into his hands.

Jae knew that he should pull the shirt over his daughter's exposed ass, spin her around, and lay into her about how inappropriate she was being, and how she was never to act like this in front of him again.

That's what he should have done. That would have been the fatherly thing to do.

But this was his doing, his dream, or so he was starting to believe. How could she be blamed for his forbidden dreams of wanting her, a reflection of the love and lust he felt for her deep down, but had never admitted to himself until now?

"Is this what you wanted, little one?" Jae asked, gripping her a little more firmly, so his fingers pressed into her plump behind.

Umji cooed again as he touched her, "Uhhh huh… this, and maybe a little more."

Once again, Jae could only marvel. His baby kept looking over her shoulder at him while reaching back behind her. Fumbling a bit, she slowly brought her hand to the bulge in her father's shorts. She touched it, only lightly, petting it with her hand and watching the way his head rolled back as she did so.

Jae had been squeezing his daughter more tightly, massaging the soft spot just above her buttocks and feeling Umji's body respond to him.

"A little more, huh?" He asked, slowly sliding his hands up her waist, feeling its slender curve, then approaching her ribcage and feeling the little ridges of each one on her fit torso. Once again, Umji held her breath as her father's hands searched.

They came to the gentle curve beneath her breasts, and without skipping a bea,t moved agonizingly slowly until each of her globes was planted securely in his palms. Umji's fingers wrapped around her father's cock as he held her.

Yep, they were more than a handful.

"Like this?" Jae asked her, feeling her hand rubbing his cock more intently.

"Ohhhgod," she whispered as her dad gently squeezed her hardened nipples between his outstretched fingers. "Kind of, daddy, but you're only touching."

"ONLY touching?" Jae questioned her.

"What else were you expecting?"

Umji didn't respond immediately. She breathed deeply, rolling her head back as her father's hands played with her breasts.

Why was he playing along? This was wrong, so wrong. Any minute now, Jae felt certain he would be struck down by a bolt of lightning from above for putting his hands on his teenage daughter. He felt sure he'd mustered up the courage to stop when his baby spoke again.

"I was EXPECTING you to teach me what it would feel like…" her voice was quivering, Jae waited for her to finish, "…to have my daddy's big penis inside me."

Impossible.

At that point, Jae was once again convinced that he was imagining the whole thing. Never in a million years would his teenage daughter say something like that to him. Never in a million years would a girl so young and so beautiful be pleading her father to have sex with her in the family's kitchen.

And yet, try as he might to snap out of this unbelievable daydream, Umji's hand brought him back to earth as she attempted to hook his waistband and pull it down over his erection.

"Is that so, sweetheart?" Jae asked her tenderly.

Umji looked back at him and nodded her head with raised eyebrows and a hopeful grin.

Fuck it.

Jae reached down and helped his little girl pull down his shorts. His cock sprang into view a second later. He heard his daughter gasp as she saw it for the first time. She mouthed 'Oh my God.'

"God, daddy, it's huge. Are they always so big?" She was beginning to worry about what she'd signed herself up for.

"Not always," Jae replied, with a bit of pride in his voice.

Umji was still staring at his cock, and reached out to take it in her hand now that it was free. Her fingers couldn't even wrap all the way around, and she loved the way her daddy's head rolled back as she grabbed on to him.

"Will it fit in my pussy daddy… like, all the way in?"

"I think so, Umji, if that's what you want. Is that what you want?"

Jae let out a groan as his eighteen-year-old moved her hand up and down on his cock. Her tiny fingers certainly made him look a lot bigger as she held him.

"I do, really bad, but will you promise to be careful, Dad? I've never…" She suddenly looked embarrassed, and Jae realized what she was getting at.

"Are you a virgin, little one?"

Umji nodded her head, looking adorable and shy.

"That makes your dad very happy, baby."

Umji beamed at those words, and her hand stroked her father's cock appreciatively as she felt the relief of being accepted by someone for the first time for being a virgin.

"Will you make me very happy, then, daddy?"

"Of course, sweetheart, what can I do?"

Umji bit her lip as she stared back at him. That look, and what she said next, would stick with her father for the rest of his life.

"Fuck me daddy," she begged him, "I want you to be my first."

He remembered those words from his dream as well. What had happened next…?

The answer, of course, was that Jae took his cock in one hand and pointed it right where it belonged. He moved closer to his teenage daughter until the tip of his penis was gently touching those thin, tiny lips that he'd only glimpsed between her legs minutes ago.

"Oh God, Dad, I can't believe this is finally happening," she said gleefully.

"Are you sure, honey? I'm about to take your virginity, and you can't get it back once I do."

"I'm sure daddy, go ahead…mnhhhhh" she mewed as Jae prodded her taut entrance with the head of his cock, "put your big cock in me daddy. I want it."

Jae was doomed. He'd been powerless to stop this from the second he'd walked into the kitchen that morning.

A little push. Her lips resisted him, only parting a fraction of an inch for her father's invading tip. Still, she moaned in anticipation.

He pushed once more, harder this time.

Jae watched as his daughter's entrance fought to stay closed to him, but his head was just able to part her tiny lips.

Umji moaned aloud. God, that sounds incredible.

He pushed again, and try as it might to resist, Jae's cockhead finally was able wrap her bare lips around him.

Umji was breathing hard.

"Are you okay, honey?" Jae asked, concerned for his little girl.

"I'm okay, Daddy, you can keep going."

"This might hurt a little, honey," Jae warned, knowing that he'd be breaking through his baby's hymen if he went any further.

"I know, it's okay, Dad, I want you," she said, sounding nervous. Umji braced herself on the countertop, and Jae wrapped an arm around her to hold her from behind. He kissed her neck, and the spot behind her ear, which made Umji moan aloud.

Feeling her body relax for him, Jae urged his hips forward and held her while he slid into his gorgeous daughter for the first of hopefully many times.

"Ouuuuhhhhhhhhh," she howled, grabbing her father's arm and digging her nails into it as she felt the pain of losing her virginity to her father.

Jae looked down to see a most incredible sight. His bare cock was finally planted securely inside his teenage daughter from behind. He saw her body heaving as she breathed shallow little gasps. She was holding onto his arm and panting as she felt her first cock, her daddy's, inside her pussy, having just breached her hymen in the most incredible and yet forbidden act of incest.

"Fuuuuck Daad… ouwww…" Umji winced. She had never felt anything quite like the sensation of her dad's penis spreading her virgin pussy apart and her little tunnel trying desperately to accommodate his size.

"Are you okay, little one? The hardest part is over." Jae assured her.

Umji could only nod her head 'yes' and squint her eyes while her body adjusted.

"Try to relax sweetheart, your pussy is very tight and it might take a little time to let me in."

"You're not in yet???" Umji asked, wide-eyed.

Jae looked down, he'd hardly sunk a third of his cock into his baby yet, and he badly wanted to bury the rest.

"No, honey, almost halfway,"

Umji groaned and breathed hard. Jae could feel his daughter's taut pussy relax a bit as she spoke.

"So… mnhhh… I'm not a virgin anymore?" Umji asked her dad.

"No, Umji, not anymore."

"Good!" she quickly replied with as big a smile as she could muster.

Umji leaned back and reached for her dad to give him a kiss. Jae happily obliged, in the process feeling a bit more of his length slide into his daughter's pussy and being rewarded with a moan against his lips.

"I think I'm ready for you to keep going, daddy." She said, whispering it only inches from his lips.

"Oka,y sweetie, I'll go slow."

Jae reached down and gripped her teenage hips in his hands to control his next move. With Umji's permission, he pulled back on her and urged his hips forward simultaneously. He'd never felt a pussy so snug and yet so wet as his daughter's was. Her mother didn't feel anywhere near as well and had never. Umji was always surprising him.

"Ohhhhhfuck," Umji moaned as she felt another inch of her daddy's cock fill her.

Despite how wet she was, Jae found incredible resistance to impaling his daughter fully, all in one go. He had gotten perhaps half of his cock into her before he slowly pulled out and listened to her whimper.

Almost entirely withdrawn, Umji turned once more to look at her dad, knowing he was about to slide his cock into her once more.

Eyes locked together, full of love, lust, and excitement, Jae urged his eighteen-year-old once more and watched her hopeless attempt to keep from making any noise.

"Daaaaddyyyy…" she cried, jerking her hand back to grasp his at her hips.

This time, his cock got almost in. Only a few more inches and he'd have completed the thrust. But again, Umji's young, tiny pussy refused him. She was always a stubborn little thing.

Jae pulled back again until his tip revealed from within his baby girl with an audible puff. A little drip of her wetness lingered at his tip and then fell to the floor beneath them. Jae watched his daughter brace herself on the countertop, and then he thrust forward again.

This time, he was determined to fill her. Tight as her pussy was, both of them knew it would finally allow her dad to bury his cock to the base. Umji moaned a soft, quivering note until she felt her dad's hips against her. Deep inside, his tip bumped against a soft spot just as his hips came into contact with Umji's buttocks. Umji's eyes widened, 'God, could he be deep enough to touch her cervix?'

"God baby your pussy feels so good," Jae growled, "are you doing alright?"

"Uh huh," Umji responded, smiling for him. Jae could see a little glisten of sweat on his daughter's cheeks. She'd really been trying hard to relax for him as he instructed.

"It feels better now daddy, are you really all the way inside me??" she asked in disbelief.

"I am sweetie, all the way. And I promise you I've never been with a woman who felt as wonderful as you do."

Umji smiled so big that his heart leapt. "Mnnnhhh…" she cooed as Jae flexed his cock slightly, "I just can't believe your whole penis is inside me daddy, it's so big."

"God you're naughty, Umji, when did you learn to talk like that sweetheart?"

"I've always had naughty thoughts about you daddy…ooooumphh…" Umji cooed as her father withdrew an inch and then pushed back inside her, "but I had a dream last night…ohhhfuck… and when I woke up I wanted you so bad I couldn't stand it."

Umji didn't see it because she had to focus on holding the countertop while her daddy started to fuck her, but Jae's eyes grew wide with surprise as his daughter spoke of her dream.

Somehow, she'd had a dream too! What was going on? What had happened in that accident?

He tried to work things out in his head, but there was no overcoming the sensation of fucking his little girl. His attentions were fixed on her, fixed on the way it felt when he urged his cock to the hilt in her tiny pussy… fixed on the way she was whimpering with each thrust.

His own daughter… bent over the countertop. He couldn't believe it, but seeing inch after inch appear and then disappear into her virgin pussy made it oh so real.

"Daddy… daddy," she called to him.

It was just like the dream. Those very words, said exactly the same way. In the dream he had heard those words and they inspired him to fuck her more determinedly.

So Jae held her hips tight enough to see his thumbs pressing into the little dimples of her back. He made sure to keep the t-shirt high enough on her waist that it didn't prevent for a second watching his cock disappear into her. Just as he had in his vision, he pulled out almost to the tip and then sunk his entire length into his daughter in one steady stroke.

"fuuUUCKK Daddy!" Umji moaned. Jae worried that someone might hear, but he didn't dare try to silence the exhilarating sounds coming from his beautiful teen's mouth. He trusted his dream, that nobody had interrupted this incestuous tryst between him and his daughter.

Umji was panting more heavily. Being so stuffed full by her father's cock was an entirely new sensation to her. She'd brought herself to orgasm with her fingers on her clit before, but there was something so incredible and different about the way her daddy's penis was touching her from the inside. A sort of pressure started to cloud Umji's thoughts, even her vision.

"Oh daddy… fuck… your cock is too big… I feel… uhhhhhhhh…"

She sounded so adorable, describing how it felt to have her daddy, or any man, inside her for the first time. Jae suspected his daughter was about to feel what an orgasm from penetration felt like for the first time as well.

Like her mother, Jae could feel his daughter's knees start to weaken while he urged into her again and again. He'd picked up the pace, eliciting a light clapping sound as he thudded against his baby with each thrust. With one hand on her hip, and another across her chest with one of her soft breasts bouncing in his hand under his t-shirt, Jae fucked his daughter in earnest.

"Wait daddy…ohgoddd…fuck…I can't… ouuuuhhhh… I can't breathe…"

Each time her daddy filled her, Umji felt the unknown daze overwhelming her. It extended from an intense spot of energy deep inside her, all the way to her fingers, curling upon the cold countertop. She was asking him to stop, but her body didn't want him to.

Jae listened to her body instead, sliding into his teenager as she slid off the edge into her climax.

"Fuuuuuckkk daaaaAAAddyyyeeee…" she howled.

Jae felt her whole body tense, and after that he found that he needed to hold up almost her entire weight. Still he did his best to keep working his cock a few inches in and out of her as she came.

What wetness there was between them multiplied as Umji cried out for her dad and her pussy spasmed with him inside her. Jae would remember forever the way her body shook adorably as his cock thrust an orgasm upon her.

It had happened so fast. It had all happened so fast. Umji had been worried, that maybe she was making a mistake, or that things would go awry if she tried to convince her daddy to fuck her. But as her body quaked and the most incredible pleasure she'd ever felt washed over her body like a wave, Umji's worries disappeared entirely. She merely basked in the feeling of having her daddy inside her, and the climax that their incest had brought her. An unknown period of time passed while Umji came down from her peak. Eventually, her body did allow her to take a full breath, and she could finally take in the reality of being impaled on her father's cock at the kitchen counter

Umji smiled widely and looked back at her dad, "Wowww…" she said at last.

Jae smiled too, squeezing his daughter tight and feeling her lean back into him.

"Daddy… that was… mnhhh…" she cooed when he kissed her neck, "that was incredible…"

Jae kept kissing his daughter's neck with appreciation. Still lodged securely inside her, there was no amount of kisses he could give that would communicate the intense emotions he felt for her just then.

Umji, with some effort and whimpering, stood up on her toes and pushed her dad away from her with a hand on his hip behind her. She could feel every inch of him sliding slowly from within her; his length seemed endless. When his tip finally emerged with an adorable puff of air, Umji felt empty, and desperate to have him back inside her again.

She turned right there in front of him, facing her dad for the first time since they'd become much more than simply father and daughter. The way he looked at her made Umji swoon in his affection, it was just like he always had, but with something extra. He was hungry for her, gazing down at her with love and lust that was clear in his eyes.

"I love you so much daddy," she said, with a coy and hopeful look, looking nervous now that she and her dad were face to face, "I hope you aren't mad at me for being slutty."

Jae took his daughter's downturned face in his hands, "Umji, I love you honey. I enjoyed fucking you just as much as you did!"

She grinned happily in his hands before standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.

"But you didn't cum yet daddy," she observed, "I don't think you can enjoy it JUST as much as me until you do!"

Jae looked down to where his daughter had now taken hold of his member and was gently stroking him, eased by the wetness she'd left there.

It occurred to him, for the first time, that he'd already irresponsibly fucked his little girl with his bare cock and not a bit of protection.

"That's sweet of you honey, but we can't do anymore until I get a condom."

'Shit,' he thought, realizing that he likely didn't have any in the house, "I don't think I have any either; you know about safe sex right Umji?"

"I know we already had unprotected sex if that's what you're asking?" There was that attitude he loved from her… sometimes.

"Yes, we did," Jae growled as his daughter stroked him more intently while he was trying to be responsible, "but that was not smart of me sweetheart, we'll have to stop for now." It was almost laughable that somehow Jae thought stopping now would be wise in light of all that they'd already done. Jae knew it, and so did his daughter. She wasn't giving up that easy.

"But daaaaddy!" she whined, sounding both adorable and incredibly sexy all at once.

"I know we're not supposed to, but I really want you to." She looked up at him the puppy-dog eyes that had never failed to melt him her whole life.

She was still stroking him, a most surreal reality as Jae tried to follow his fatherly instinct. "I know you do sweetie, but it's too risky. You could get pregnant if even one little swimmer gets inside of you."

"Dad," she said more seriously now, "you already had your big cock inside me without a condom, and my sex-ed teacher told us that you can get pregnant even if the man doesn't cum inside you."

Jae just listened in disbelief.

"Will this convince you?" Umji asked, making sure he was paying attention.

In one swift motion, Umji reached down and pulled her father's t-shirt off.

'Good God,' Jae thought, almost saying it aloud. As if things couldn't get any more dream-like, seeing Umji's fully naked body right there in front of him set Jae's reservations to flame. He tried desperately to put them out, but instead found himself overcome by the sight of her and the feeling of her fingers once again wrapping around his incredibly hard cock.

"Mom wouldn't let me be on birth control daddy, but we can get the pill afterwards… if you want."

Those words, he'd heard them before. 'Wait… what did she just say?'

But he didn't have time to question her. Umji tugged at his penis with one hand and walked over to the table nearby. She pushed the runner and flower arrangement out of the way and then sat on the edge with her father's cock still in her grasp. Jae followed along in an obedient daze.

He was remembering scenes from his dream again. Had it happened this way? Each word she spoke, he felt he'd heard before.

"I know it's risky daddy, but you always told me you HAVE to take risks." Umji suggested, twisting his words to something he never intended and yet he couldn't help but agree with her.

"That's not what I meant, Umji, and you know it."

"Maybe, but I also know that I dreamed about you shooting all your sticky cum in my pussy daddy. I dreamed it was the most incredible feeling, and I think you want to too.

She was stroking him with purpose, pulling him closer to her and once again aligning his cockhead with the entrance to her recently virgin pussy.

He did want to. Jae had dreamed it too. It came back to him in flashes, but she was right. It was the most incredible feeling. His brain had fought hard not to acknowledge it when he awoke, due to the absurdity, the absolute forbiddenness and impossibility of ever having the chance. But here was his teenage daughter in front of him, and he WANTED to fuck her again, he needed to.

"Don't you want to cum inside me daddy?" Umji asked, goading him one final time. "Put it in, daddy, I want to watch your cock going inside me this time."

She hadn't expected him to give in so quickly. She thought she'd have to get him to agree to pull out and then somehow convince his other brain that it'd be a good idea not to. But suddenly, Umji saw a change in her father's eyes. Something had been let loose inside him and they both knew it.

Jae growled aloud as he lined up his tip at Umji's entrance and pushed right inside her. Umji cried out, "Fuuuuuck, Daddy, wait… uh, go slow."

Like before, her pussy put up a good fight and tried its damndest to keep his wide cock from piercing it. But another quick withdrawal and push and Jae was able to bury half his cock. Again… three quarters.

When he finally got to his tip once more and thrust forth, they both moaned aloud until he bottomed out against the pretty brunette's cervix.

"Daddy…ohmyGod…it feels bigger…uhhhh…why does it feel bigger??"

Jae didn't answer; he simply withdrew about halfway and then pushed into her again. The sight of her naked little body on the table, perfect breasts and that innocent, beautiful face… the way his cock seemed to fit so naturally inside her… the sounds she made… it was all enough to drive him mad with lust.

"You like driving your dad crazy, Umji?" he asked her, thrusting again, "is this what you wanted?"

Umji was gazing down at where her daddy was impaling her with each thrust. It seemed impossible that he was able to fit something she could barely wrap her hands around inside her pussy like that, and each time he did she quivered with wonder. Umji only nodded her head in response to her father. She wanted him more than anything.

They could both hear the slick sound of dad's cock sliding in and out of his daughter's little tunnel; Umji was practically dripping with wetness. The house was otherwise quiet, filled rhythmically with a pant or cry from Umji as her dad shoved into her again.

"Fuck me daddy," Umji begged, "ohhhgodDad… it feels amazing… your cock is so big… does my pussy feel good?"

Words no father would ever expect to hear, but Jae once again considered himself the luckiest father in the world.

"Yes little one…unghhhhh… daddy loves fucking you so much…"

"What about…mnhhh… cumming inside me daddy? Will you shoot all your sticky sperm inside me so I can feel it?"

He should tell her no. Absolutely not; he could not risk cumming inside his unprotected daughter. She TOLD him she wasn't on birth control. He simply couldn't.

But that look, that little body with her breasts bouncing youthfully each time his hips connected with hers. The way she was pleading with him to fill her up with the very stuff that had brought her into the world.

And he was close. He'd been close since the minute he first pushed his tip into Umji's teenage pussy. They could go to the drugstore after and get Umji taken care of, 'if he wanted,' she'd said.

The sheer risk, the utter illegality of fucking his beautiful daughter until he shot spunk right into her fertile pussy… he wanted to do it more than anything. He would.

"You want me to cum in you baby?"

"Yes daddy, please."

God it was so wrong, but somehow the thought of his seed swimming inside his own daughter's pussy, searching determinedly for her egg, to put her daddy's baby inside her. That very part of his dream resurfaced as he felt his orgasm approach. He didn't want to merely dream it; he wanted to feel it for himself.

"Please daddy…please…ohhhh…" Umji cried

He gripped her just above the hipbones, securing her tiny lower half as he plunged his cock into her again and again. She tried to wrap her legs around him, but it was difficult to do any more than just let her daddy fuck her and moan when she felt him as deep as he could go.

"Daddy, I'm going to cum again…" she managed, "Ohfuckk… your big cock is gonna…mnuhhhh…make me come again."

The table shook. The vase for the flower arrangement upon it wobbled as Jae rocked his little girl's body upon it with reckless abandon.

"Cum with me daddy…uhhhh…uhhhh…uhhhh…" she panted, "cum in my pussy…so naughty… Godddd… I could get pregnant so easily right now…"

That was it, they were both done for.

"Oh Umji… my bad little girl… daddy's gonna cum inside you…fuckkk…I'm cumming…

It had built and built. Each thrust, each inch that slid inside his daughter and back out again brought him closer to orgasm with each passing second. Umji had felt that same incredible sensation as her dad prodded a hidden spot deep inside her pussy relentlessly. She didn't want to cum until she felt it.

Umji got one more good look at her father's penis disappearing inside her, and one more good look at his face. He gripped her hips so tight that it hurt, and threw his head back so she knew it was finally happening.

He slammed all the way into her, and Umji felt it.

A gush of heat rushed into her pussy. Jae planted deeply inside her and shot his first jet of sperm as deep into his daughter's womb as was possible. Umji howled, feeling its warmth filling her, and like a trigger, she was fired into a climax of her own. Then another pulse of spunk followed, soundly against her cervix, this one seemingly bigger than the last and sending her further into an orgasm that nearly rendered the tiny brunette unconscious.

The realization that Jae was shooting his sperm deep into his sweet, teenage daughter, no condom and no reservations made his orgasm all the more powerful. It was the most incredible thing he'd ever felt.

Likewise, the sensation of a startling amount of semen flooding her unprotected womb had Umji shuddering and panting through an orgasm even more jarring than her first.

If someone had walked into the kitchen just then, they would have seen a most unthinkable sight. Both father and daughter could scarcely believe it themselves. But they were powerless to do any more than stay on course, dad's cock emitting a few more forbidden jets of seed into Umji's pussy and the young brunette trying to merely breathe as her orgasm wracked her body.

Laid out and entirely his, Umji was the most beautiful thing Jae could ever imagine. He HAD imagined her, in this very position, but seeing her in front of him was far more rewarding. Her back had been arched, her breasts heaving proudly and her miniature pussy still enveloped him in incestuous purity.

Both Umji and her father could the feel the warm of his semen searching to fill every possible place within Umji's womb, so much so that it was seeping out around Jae's buried member.

Umji finally spoke, once her muscles had relaxed and she could sit up to look at her father again.

"God daddy, I didn't think I could cum even harder than the first time."

"I know baby, you looked so pretty just now. It made me cum even harder too."

"You did cum a lot daddy! I felt it all shooting into me, it feels so good still." Umji said sweetly.

"It felt good to me too sweetheart, even though it was the most reckless thing I've ever done."

"You mean daddies aren't supposed to shoot their sperm inside their daughter's?" She asked with a big, mischievous grin on her face, "with no condom… when they're right in the middle of their cycle?"

Jae glared at his bad little teenager. Umji knew damn well that they shouldn't have done that, but she clearly liked teasing him, and speaking the forbidden act aloud.

"No, Umji, they aren't." Jae retorted.

"Well then it shouldn't feel so good daddy, because it felt like that was exactly what we were supposed to do when you were cumming inside me."

Just then, a door opened and closed upstairs. They both heard it, and looked around frantically. It must have been Umji's brother, Jinwoo, finally waking up.

Jae did the only thing he could think to do. He scooped his daughter off the table, knowing he'd left the t-shirt she'd cast off behind, hooked the shorts around his ankles on one foot, and carried his daughter into his study nearby. Umji whimpered, feeling her little hips urged just a bit farther onto her father as he held her, still lodged inside. Jae closed and locked the door behind them.

It was just in time. Seconds later, he heard the fridge open in the kitchen and his son call:

"Guys??? Anybody home."

Jae looked at his daughter, seeing a look of alarm change to a relieved smile. She giggled, quietly, as she realized how narrowly they'd escaped.

"That is not funny, Umji," Jae whispered to his rambunctious teen.

"It's a little funny," Umji replied playfully.

Jae was not pleased, but he wasn't about to be upset with Umji; she hadn't done anything wrong, per se. He had yet to even withdraw his only partly softened member from her; his love for Umji was far from abated by a close call.

Knowing they couldn't stay in his office forever, Jae finally began to slide his cock out of Umji's charged pussy. They both watched, mesmerized, as it withdrew, inch by inch. Umji whimpered, complaining at the feeling of emptiness it left in its wake.

Just as his tip finally appeared from between the tiny pink lips of Umji's slit, they both drew in a breath. Following his head, a big pearl of white semen formed at her entrance. It was thick and potent looking. Umji gasped as it seeped out of her.

"God, there's so much. Do you always cum so much daddy?" Umji asked innocently.

"No, I guess not."

"Just for me then dad?" She crooned.

"I guess so little one; it sure looks like a lot huh?"

"Uh huh! Don't let it drip out daddy; if you're going to take a risk, you always give it one hundred percent or more, right?"

Jae rolled his eyes at his own words repeated to him in a completely inappropriate context. Still, he scooped the trickle of spunk from where it had run between his daughter's lips and pushed it back inside her along with the head of his cock.

"Ouuuuwwwfuckk… careful… I'm already sore from you taking my virginity daddy."

Jae savored the feeling of his tip inside Umji for a few more seconds before withdrawing it again. Though he wasn't about to make assumptions, something told him that it wouldn't be the last time he was inside his beautiful daughter.

His dream hadn't taken him this far. What was he supposed to do now? Umji was naked, her little opening all messy and covered in his spunk, and they were stuck in his study with his son likely still milling around in the kitchen. Still, this strange feeling lingered that nothing bad would happen as a result of their little bout of incest.

"You've got to get ready for school, Umji, and your brother is right outside."

"We wouldn't want him to see that daddy fucked his big sister and came inside her without protection right?" Umji finished, she loved saying it over and over, "That would be setting a bad example."

Again, Jae rolled his eyes, but he secretly loved hearing the naughty words from his baby's mouth.

"I'll distract him, and you run through the living room to go get cleaned up for school." Jae schemed.

"Okay daddy," she said, "but wait!"

She pulled the two of them together and stood up to kiss him once more. They hadn't the chance for foreplay before, so kissing her there on the desk felt new and wonderful. For a moment, they were like teenagers, well BOTH like teenagers, and their tongues intertwined and hands grabbed for each other.

Jae backed off to take a breath, seeing a satisfied smile on his daughter's face.

"Okay sweetie, you ready?"

"Ready." she affirmed.

Walking over to the door after getting his clothes in order, Jae unlocked it quietly and looked out. Jinwoo was facing away from them, thank God, and watching TV on the tiny set near the coffee pot… the very spot where he'd just taken his teenage daughter's virginity.

"Go ahead sweetheart," he whispered, placing a hand on Umji's butt and ushering her out into the living room. As she trotted across the room, he spied a stream of his own cum dribbling from Umji's pussy, God was his life going to change from then on.

"Hey buddy," Jae greeted his son, entering the kitchen from the side opposite his retreating daughter. "Up earlier than usual this morning?"

And as he should have expected, Umji paused just before she could climb the stairs to her room, looking back at her dad and wiggling her butt at him the way she that started the unbelievable morning off. He gave her a wide-eyed glare, and Umji smiled before disappearing upstairs.

Jae was in space as he chatted with his still half-asleep son in the kitchen. He still had yet to cope with the fact that his dreams were seemingly coming true, simply because he'd had them. And somehow he was expected to accept that fucking his daughter was now part of his reality as well?!

He only got one more moment by the front door with his daughter before she ran out to meet her friend who'd honked.

"Bye sweetie, have a good day at school… I love you." The second part of his words to her were laden with meaning. Umji could feel the gravity of them as he laid them on her.

"I will daddy," she said, leaning in close and whispering in his ear, "because I still have all your sticky cum in my pussy. Who knows, I could be pregnant by second period."

Jae's jaw dropped.

"Love you daddy," she sang, giving him a kiss on the cheek and swiftly leaving out the door.

He'd forgotten about that little part - that he'd promised himself to take Umji to the drugstore for one of those emergency "plan B" pills.

As he watched his little teenager bounce out to the car, and then give him an incredible look of love and lust and everything in between before she stepped into the vehicle, Jae's resolve faltered.

He and his daughter had a few days before they could be in any trouble. He'd sleep, maybe dream a little on it, and then decide.

[the-meme-monarch]

so wait, i cant tell, do you also share the "majority of DW toons were made to represent mental illnesses" headcanon or is it something different?

I’ve never heard of that :0c! but no i don’t think they were Purposely made with neurodivergencies/mental illness if that’s what you mean :0c like in-universe Designed And Created by arthur and delilah. thus far i think my only headcanon for a toon having been made to have a mental illness is tisha with ocd, but even then arthur intended it like. ‘she’s got ocd she’s a neat freak’ (Not Actually Knowing What OCD Is Like) kind of way. but she ended up having regular actual contamination ocd anyway

i like to think certain things intended about the toons can Became neurodivergencies/mental illnesses, like rudie ended up having moral ocd bc of his preoccupation with christmas and “being on the nice list”. razzle and dazzle being primarily happy and sad respectively, they ended up having bpd, razzle primarily manic and dazzle depressive.

but sometimes it’s not Because of anything, looey and poppy like most of the toons seem to have been made to be cheerful and happy, and looey like. clearly has anxiety. and a few of poppy’s interactions in-game reveal she’s Not Happy, like with glisten and i think brightney

i also think it’s like entirely the norm for toons to be autistic. like there’s a lot of variety between toons made my different people (like art style ofc, what they’re made of, how they function, what cartoonish things they’re capable of, etc) but they just keep turning out to be autistic regardless of who makes them. like to where That’s neurotypical for them

these ones aren’t mental illnesses/neurodivergencies but it’s a similar talking point I suppose, and you could apply the same idea to it. but some of them have things abt them that came from delilah kinda Applying Human Logic to cartoon characters Who Don’t Have Set Rules To How They Work prior to making them, bc while I don’t really think there’s anything biological to the toons, I think she has an interest in their biology/how they function, and bc She brought them to life she does get a say in how they turn out, whether she meant to or not. like “shrimpo is a peeled and deveined shrimp abdomen. wouldn’t that hurt to be alive” so shrimpo has a nerve pain condition and his skin and especially face hurts all the time. or “rodger having one eye would mean he doesn’t have good depth perception” so he doesn’t. “poppy being a bubble would make her extremely fragile, being touched too hard could kill her” so poppy doesn’t like being touched. ginger has frequent headaches and impaired vision/hearing and i imagine you can guess why JHGHFFYGFGHG

I worry the ‘rules’ I’ve laid out for how this works aren’t consistent but like. it’s kinda purposeful. making a toon is quite literally “here is a blank slate. anything you don’t decide for them they will develop on their own. but also sometimes things you do decide for them might change on their own”

[joltai-showa]

ANOTHER three months later, but let's try continuing rereading Naruto (I will never finish this rambling series)

my laptop decided to fucking die again, so I guess no bg3/genshin/hsr for me for now

anyway, where were we with this one?

right, Naruto cut his hand to get the poison out or smth

Hiruzen, why did you give Kakashi these 13 year olds again? I mean, he's gotten better at not killing these kids compared to his own team back in the day, but nonetheless, the exhibit above is an argument against entrusting these Very Important Children to the guy who's biggest dream is a rope and a tree

where the fuck did you learn that Sakura

also who's responsible for sex education in the shinobi world huh

the Academy? but Naruto's a dumbass, most kids leave way earlier.

the jury is still out on whether this world even has other civilian schools (or hidden villages in particular). theoretically they could have been responsible, but this still doesn't cover the main characters in this situation.

the team leaders? now that's a funny image. considering none of them have been actually taught how to teach children (thank you Hiruzen because who needs a proper fucking teacher when they are already a "full-fledged" shinobi who can *gasp* throw a knife at the enemy), I'd love to see how Kakashi, Gai, Asuma and Kurenai would be dealing with that

(my bet is on Kurenai. Gai will have the right spirit, though! Kakashi and Asume are hopeless, though)

I'm probably overthinking this, considering the setting is supposed to be something like early industrial era, and the sex ed could be summirised into "rule one, pull out. rule two, if broke rule one, run. girls, thoughts and prayers🙏don't even bother trying to achieve anything in life beyond your family function, the author of this universe is a raging misogynist🙏"

also not really relevant for Naruto and Sasuke as they shall soon discover the wonders of say gex

the covers for chapters are always so cool

Kakashi why do you look like you are high as a kite

(honestly he does most of the time in Kishimoto's early style)

that's what you mom said to me last night😏😏😏😏LMAO GOTTEM

I'm so sorry Kushina, I didn't mean to🫣it just kind of got out on its own

anyway, it's... an alright bridge? did Naruto never see a bridge in his life? I guess if Hiruzen wasn't mentally impaired before and kept their only fucking jinchuriki in the village, Naruto wouldn't have seen something like that, at least it's not common in Konoha's architecture from what I remember (compared to Kiri and Iwa, at least)

First of all, you guys have engines?

Secondly, right, early Naruto, we aren't at that point when we are fighting some vague bullshit like "tHe SYsteM tHaT cAUseS DEsPAiR" or the human desire for conflict, it's a battle against the scariest enemy of all - capitalism

(I respect a lot of the grind of the major villains in Naruto, but Obito's so lazily written I will never stop taking jabs at him. that's what you get for writing a grown ass man with the worldview of a 12 year old, Kishimoto)

(and yes if you don't know me/have forgotten, I am that unique specimen that loves fanon Obito that actually utilizes the things in his story that could have made him one of the best characters in this series and absolutely fucking hates canon Obito for being the biggest piece of dogshit Kishimoto tried to concot and pass off as a coherent character)

okay ramble over, let's get back to the chapter

in retrospective, Naruto did end up being a downgrade, considering the fact that we went from fighting Jeff fucking Bezos to, like, 10 Ted Kaczynskis

(or is Gato Elon Musk? I think I've seen news that he is now the richiest man in the world. I guess "marine transportation" and "boats with engines" for people in Naruto world would be something alike to "space expeditions" and "spaceships" to us irl. yeah, I guess Team 7 and Zabuza are fighting their Elon Musk huh)

note to self drugs do exist in Naruto. they are also trafficed across borders. considering the location of the events (Land of Waves), does that mean that the region works as fertile grounds for drugs growth? did Blood Mist next door dabble in drug trade?

is Obito addicted to something back from those glorious days of mass murder🤔that would honestly explain a lot of the weird things about Akatsuki - man was high off his mind half of the time

joking, joking, of course

but also a big question as to a) what countries end up under Gato's control, because none of these are mentioned as far as I remember b) how the fuck can this even happen during feudal-but-not-quite system of Naruto world? a capitalist businessman can control a modern government via lobbying and such, but how do you go about daimiyos and such? bribe them? pretty sure they are loaded already, quite a few of them own their little military paratroopers called shinobi, and, presumably, have quite the ego as the rightful rulers of the lands or whatever.

anyway Gato is a mystery, and I'm surprised we don't see Kakuzu sending love poems to the guy. capitalist old men yaoi💘

after a short intro into why Gato is scary and mean and why he wants Tazuna dead this is what Naruto looks like.

the darkest day for Konoha was when Pain attacked. the second darkest day was when they made Naruto Hokage, cuz this dumbass has no idea how politics work and what to do if the power of friendship does not work (it always does, thank you power of the plot)

B-rank is NOT elite🫣wtf

[markcoatney]

It’s 2023 and Texas has elected an all-Republican Supreme Court that is now asserting in a written opinion that the judiciary shouldn’t be deciding reproductive rights questions because such questions should be left to medical experts, at the exact same time that it is second-guessing a real, live medical expert and granting to itself the sole power to decide which acute medical conditions are life-threatening and which are just jolly good fun. It’s 2023, and Ken Paxton is accusing the pregnant mother of two children, who desperately wants more children, of being untruthful with the courts, while he terrorizes her physician and the hospitals at which she has admitting privileges. What is “substantial impairment of a major bodily function” if not the impairment of future childbirth? The only way Kate Cox can persuade a bunch of elected judges and lawyers (who have never met her and don’t care about her health or her reproductive future) that she should be allowed to end an excruciating, doomed pregnancy is by either: 1) dying; or 2) having a physician certify that she will die without treatment. And this macabre pretzel is what we are advised is definitionally “pro-life.”

SCOTUS, abortion

[adoreeed]

I’ll be honest. While I do understand why the reverse au’s are so popular, being a fan of them myself, I find it hard to get invested in it besides art because, to me, the dynamics of Connor and Hank and Gavin and Nines don’t feel the same when swapped around.

Take Connor and Hank.

In canon, Hank is a grumpy, lonely android hating alcoholic. In the reverse au, Hank obviously can’t have that personality as an android so he’d have to have Connor’s personality but then he’s not Hank anymore. Sure he has his face, body etc but that’s it.

The Hank that we know stops being that Hank once he becomes an android. Android Hank is basically what Hank could have been before Cole’s accident but that’s it.

And then there’s Connor. In the reverse au, for the dynamic to be the same as its canon counterpart, Connor would have to hate androids. What reason would he have to hate them? I guess Cole could be Connor’s son in the au since Connor is modeled after someone in this 30’s so it’s not far fetched for him to have a son but what about his personality?

Connor in the reverse au’s is mostly characterised as another Hank. He’s a loner who either smokes or drinks, has terrible fashion sense and never sleeps properly but then that’s just the same problem all over again.

This Connor is nothing like the Connor we know. In reality, human Connor wouldn’t be another Hank and would be more like his canon self which is focused, wants to complete his missions/tasks, would show up to work on time, most likely wouldn’t engage in substances that could impair his body/functions etc.

Reed900 reverse au is also another example.

As we all know, Gavin’s main defining trait in dbh is that he hates androids. In a reverse au, to be consistent with his personality, he’d either have to hate his own kind, which makes no sense or he’d have to hate humans, which also doesn’t work cause what would be his position in the au?

He could be a police android but if hates humans, he’d escape first chance he got and never look back which negates the reed900 aspect as Gavin wouldn’t want anything to do with Nines.

Gavin could also be an android sent by Cyberlife but again, he wouldn’t be designed to hate humans, his creators, straight off the bat.

He could hate them over time but if the appeal of Gavin’s character is that he learns to not hate androids because of being exposed to one (ex. Nines) then what would be the point of reverse Gavin not hating humans, hating them and then not hating them again?

Also if Gavin was hostile towards humans, there’s no way that they wouldn’t destroy him first chance they got. Gavin can’t hate humans but then be a police android/android sent by Cyberlife.

Tbf, Nines still works as his personality is pretty versatile. He can still be his serious, threatening, no-nonsense self as a human but since an integral part of r9 is that Nines is an android and Gavin hates them, that means that Nines would have to hate androids for it to work and Nines could but then either Gavin would have to hate humans, which we’ve established he can’t because it just wouldn’t work or Gavin would have to not hate them, which also doesn’t work if you want his personality to stay consistent.

In the reverse au’s, the characters don’t really stay as they are and their positions are swapped. In the reverse au’s, everything is swapped, even their personalities. The only thing that mostly stays consistent is their ages.

Again, while I do like the reverse au’s, I don’t really engage with most of them, besides the occasional funny/pretty art because they just don’t feel the same. If their personalities could work in the au, the dynamics would definitely be better.

[flowercrowncrip]

not going to ask for your personal experience, because i respect your privacy & dont want any fetishists to be gross to or about you... but do you have any resources on what it's like to be incontinent/need incontinence products written by someone who actually uses them? im writing a character who uses them & i dont want to make any incorrect assumptions or accidentally include anything disrespectful.

i also understand if you simply ignore this ask, i know youve dealt with a lot of disgusting disrespectful people & i dont want to draw them to your blog just by mentioning incontinence. have a wonderful day (& enjoy your comfy chair when it arrives!)

I’m afraid I don’t have any resources to hand. I would recommend looking up different types of incontinence and considering the severity of a person’s incontinence. Having small leaks when you laugh or sneeze will be different experience from having your whole bladder empty completely. And bowel incontinence is different again.

I think sensitivity is important in how incontinence is written about. For me factual inaccuracy is much more forgivable than using incontinence as a shorthand for dependence, or to imply a person has a poor quality of life or is dirty/ unclean. It’s worth remembering that incontinence is part of everyday life for so many people and people often use the products that work for them and barely think twice about it.

My own experiences are below:

I experience what’s usually called “functional incontinence” which is where a person’s bladder is okay, but their disability prevents them from accessing a toilet on time. In my case that’s because of severe mobility impairment and a lack of (well maintained) changing places toilets, but it can also be because someone has cognitive issues which prevent them from being able to get to the toilet on time. When I’m at home I don’t need to use pads because I have quick access to all the equipment I need. But when I leave the house for any length of time I need to wear a pad (technically a nappy I guess but I prefer to call them pads) because when there’s no changing places toilet with working hoist and changing table my bladder will give in eventually. I also experience bowel incontinence if my gastrointestinal disorder is playing up and there’s no toilet I can use on time.

It’s more of an issue for me in the summer when I have to drink more water – even the best most absorbent pads can only hold so much. Using incontinence products means I can stay out more than a couple of hours but don’t mean I can stay out indefinitely unless there’s somewhere private with an adult changing table and hoist. Some people who need pads changing but not hoists might have to resort to lying on the bathroom floor which is pretty unpleasant.

Sitting in used pads for long periods of time isn’t advisable and can lead to moisture lesions, infections, make pressure sores more likely and other issues as well as being not nice. But lack of changing tables for adults mean that it’s a common experience for a lot of disabled people

[dissociacrip]

this is okay to rb i think, especially if you have anything to add or any insight. idk. i'm tagging this the way that i am because i'm seeking community/connection(tm) or something

hypotonia is not like. a rare thing. not really. but i do remember my OT googling what it was.

low muscle tone/hypotonia may technically be a symptom rather than a diagnosis (barring benign congenital hypotonia, which afaik is controversial) but it's the closest thing to a "diagnosis" i've been given for some of this stuff because the potential cause of it hasn't been investigated and i guess it's not exactly urgent since my particular case isn't severe and doesn't seem progressive (hypotonia can be progressive & is involved in some progressive and degenerative conditions.)

but i wish it was talked about more and i wish more was known about it works and how it affects bodily function and i wish what we DO know about it was more accessible to the public when it comes to those who suffer from it. it's also kinda hard whether to KNOW you have it or not since its "signs" have so much overlap with other conditions that aren't related to muscle tone. it ranges a lot in severity too. and there's two different types (central and peripheral.) it's linked to dozens of diagnoses too which is why i say it's not uncommon.

but also i guess due to the complexity of how it affects the body and its lack of distinctiveness with most of its symptoms makes it kinda...hard to talk about? and i imagine w/ some people it's hard to distinguish the effects of hypotonia vs. their other problems. issues with chewing, writing, breathing, speaking, posture, coordination, etc. can be due to so many different things ranging from mental to physical. but it's not always something that can be lumped together w/ those other things because there's "my muscles don't work" in a terms of chronic muscular pain vs. "my muscles don't work" in terms of, like, they lack the ability to adequately support the body and bodily movement. if that makes any sense.

which ranges from someone like me where having to hold myself up sucks + mild motor skill/coordination impairments and mild developmental milestone delays, but others never meet those milestones or need assistance with things like breathing and ingesting food.

it's not a diagnosis but it can affect the body in complex ways like muscle shortening and stiffness due to our bodies having to compensate in weird ways for the lack of adequate tone (esp those of us who grew up with it), tibial torsion and femoral anteversion, flatfoot and knock-knees, reduced cervical lordosis sometimes leading to bruxism and occipital headaches, etc. PT centered around muscle strengthening to correct my "improper" movement and stuff.

and there's other stuff that can come with it that people like to consider """gross""" like drooling, constipation and other gastric, and pelvic floor dysfunction which can result in incontinence/problems with bladder control. muscles are involved in a lot of things. wild.

i'm rambling but i just wish more people talked about it. all i really have is that one interview that surestep did with meagan veracha, who has hypotonic cerebral palsy, about living with hypotonia as an adult.

maybe i wouldn't care all that much if i had a diagnosis that would "explain it" but "i might have gHSD/hEDS" doesn't rly do that for me because ppl in those communities obviously focus a lot on the joint dysfunction aspect (because those 2 conditions center around hypermobile joints so that's just natural, it's not a bad thing per-se, barring other problems that those communities have) but for me my case of symptomatic generalized hypermobility is secondary in how it impacts me vs. my muscles being bad at their job and my hypermobility might even be secondary to my hypotonia anyway.

dyspraxia/DCD (some people with it have hypotonia but not all - i thought i had it before i was told i was identified as having hypotonia when i was a kid...over two decades late) is another guess but again that centers more around coordination than things like "anything other than lying in bed is hard on me because my muscles don't support my body like they're supposed to."

maybe muscle tone is a complex medical concept that shouldn't really enter the public lexicon but i have no other language for it.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hello - it's John again, anon who asked about the blackout stuff

I had another question and an update

We did find the alter, and she is a new split, and is a trauma holder, I didn't know it at the time I had sent the ask but one of our abusers tried to contact us (went looking in our notesapp history and messages) which caused a switch & total blackout, we've had a few more since then since things have been stressful but she is trying to communicate, just harder with very bad aphantasia and dissociative barriers. Haven't had therapy in a few weeks and we're in quarantine this week, but have therapy again this upcoming Thursday so we will talk about it then but the therapist doesn't know the full extent of us being a system other than knowing that we are and that most likely was trauma that formed us,but we are gonna try to talk about it more, so you have any advice on bringing it up?

And onto my question before - is there dissociative disorders other than DID? We have a lot of alters (like 1000+) and most of them are fragments and some fully fleshed, but we all still tend to be somewhat similar, I think maybe it's a safety thing so it wouldn't be noticed, and I thought did always had very different alters, we tend to be more similar than not even though there are quite a few exceptions, but we have horrible memory sharing, I usually retain some level of "done something but idk what exactly" but we lose a LOT of memories and feel detached to ones that we do remember like they aren't "mine" per se just that "I" was there for it, in addition I never ever switch out I'm *always* here unless something very big happens that throws everything into disarray, it sort of makes me feel not valid because we don't have control over switching and I can't ever leave even if others can come in and out of the fronting area, I think/know that I do have a dissociative disorder of some kind because it is very impactful and impairing my symptoms, but I guess don't feel valid sometimes because I also like being a system sometimes other than the memory and dissociation

-john

Hey John, we’re probably getting to this too late to share advice for talking to your therapist - we hope that they were understanding and everything went well! We’re sorry if our absence here made it more difficult for you to talk to your therapist about what’s been going on in your system.

As for your second question, there are a few other dissociative disorders besides DID. There is OSDD (other specified dissociative disorder), P-DID (partial dissociative identity disorder) and DPDR (depersonalization/derealization disorder). However, it’s possible for systems with DID to have hundreds or thousands of alters, if not more! Systems with this many alters may have polyfragmented DID, although polyfragmentation has just as much to do with a system’s complex structure as much as having a high alter count.

We are not polyfragmented, so we can’t provide much in terms of advice or personal experience when it comes to understanding polyfragmentation. Any polyfragmented system who sees this is more than welcome to weigh in with experience, resources, or advice!

When it comes to not feeling valid, we’d like to offer some words of encouragement that might help y’all, if that’s okay.

First off, it’s very normal to not have control over switching, especially for systems who haven’t been able to make much progress either internally or through therapy! Our own system has been improving when it comes to managing switches, but we still don’t have full control over who fronts and when. Not being able to control switches doesn’t mean your system is invalid, and we can assure you, lots of systems out there function in that way!

Also, it’s not as rare as you might think for systems to have frontstuck members… even for many folks with dissociative disorders like DID. Our host is usually fronting to some extent (albeit often quite dissociated). And there are plenty other systems with frontstuck members too!

Finally, it’s okay to like being plural or part of a system, even if you have a dissociative disorder. Yes, it can often be impairing, difficult, painful, and overwhelming… but it can also be comforting, joyous, fun, or exciting! We have a complicated relationship with our plurality, but most of us love being a system and we wouldn’t trade our plurality for anything in the world! Having a mental illness or disorder doesn’t mean you have to be suffering all the time, and finding joy and happiness in our disorders can help make living with them so much easier!

Good luck out there, John. We hope things go well for you and your system in the future!

[hazeism]

Book Demerzel was male in the past too! She is Gender.

Ooh, okay, so I guess my understanding of things is kind of impaired by the fact that I'm still on Edge (I went in in-universe chrono, though--I mean I did the Empire books all jumbled because I read Pebble ages and ages ago and then the other two came in as holds from my library in the wrong order hahah--so I started the Foundation novels with Prelude) and have yet to read and Earth which I think he returns in? So I might be missing a huge amount of context regarding his presentation/interpretation/etc. etc.

Most of my ideas about Daneel's complication regarding gender mostly conform to my understanding of him (any pronouns apply 🥰🥰 but I'm used to he so I'll just go with that for now) as a fundamentally resolved, instrumental thing--though cornered of course by minimalism and limited knowledge--who has the luxury (?) of more readily identifying the contextual applications of gender, combined then with millenia of insight into the fluid/arbitrary drifts of social and cultural mores, plus his own schematics of prioritization and internalization... I think he is on like extradimensional levels of gender, internally, and I hope there is canon basis for him taking upon himself some gendered aspects in a functional/teleological manner (as he takes on other aspects of personhood! even Demerzel himself is an adopted aspect!) because I think that even if that goes uninterrogated (as so many things in these novels do GRRR!) it has even more necessary implications for his internal cognitions of gender!!!!

That said I DO also think there's something to be said about the amount of gendered socialization he gets in his most formative years (especially from his Earthman who knows his sociological formulas but does not have a very sophisticated or unblemished understanding of gender politicssdbfkdj)--which is undercut by his state of subjection and perpetual qualification and Othering from people who do know his true nature, and then the implication of Deceit (not what I believe him to be doing--at least in the context of gender/lack thereof but definitely how it would be interpreted by towards people who don't know what he is which like. very transgender existence tbh being considered inherently deceitful) but this all just makes it more texturally complex and interesting and makes him even better at being soooo gender. Love that thing!!!!

[oldbutnotyetwise]

Unexpected Gifts

     I have said this before and it bears repeating here, every good thing that happens has some bad attached to it, and every bad thing that happens has some good attached.  

     As I am writing this I have crossed the one year anniversary since my diagnosis of ALS was confirmed at Sunnybrook Hospital.  Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, a rare neurological disease that affects motor neurons in the brain or spinal cord that affect voluntary muscle movement.  Think of it like when you go to sleep, except in my case parts of my body are going to sleep never to wake again.  I’ve lost the use of my legs, I’m losing the use of my left hand, and my ability to speak is being impaired.  Eventually the muscles that allow me to breath and swallow will stop working.  In some cases ALS also results in frontal lobe dementia, so your two options are having a healthy mind trapped inside a non-working body, or dementia where you still are trapped inside of a non-functioning body while you have no understanding of what is going on, or the burden you are placing on your caretakers.  

     So about now you should be saying, how can there be anything positive about having ALS?  What good can possibly come from this Death Sentence?  Well let’s ponder that question and see what we can come up with.

     When given a terminal diagnosis I had a rather drastic shift on my perception of time.  Prior to the diagnosis, I didn’t give time much thought, foolishly I thought that my time was almost like grains of sand on a large beach, almost endless.  Once I received my diagnosis suddenly time became like the water in a canteen, something not to be wasted or used foolishly.  So you are wondering why is this a good thing, well it is because I have been taught the lesson of Mindfulness.  When you have lots of something it is hard not to take it for granted.  When you have something that is limited and quickly running out then you appreciate it a lot more.  You suddenly realize what an amazing gift time is.  You suddenly have the wisdom not to waste your time on foolish things.  You don’t waste your time on bad books, bad movies or with people you don’t want to spend time with.  If you want to do something and you can, than you do, no longer putting things off for some day in the future because now you know that someday may not come.  I wish that I had learned this lesson about the value of time much earlier in my life, but am grateful that I did learn it eventually and in turn  have worked much harder at enjoying what remaining time that I have left. 

     Living in Canada, or in this case Ontario I have a government run Health Plan.  On top of this I also have a benefit plan from my workplace until I am 65.  I will spare you numerous sad stories of people in other provinces, or in the U.S. who were waiting for approval for the ALS drugs and after two years of waiting they finally get the letter advising they had been approved,,,,the day before they enter a Hospice.  People who live in remote areas of provinces where they are hours and hours away from the nearest ALS Clinic, or even any medical assistance.  We are now living just over an hour from the ALS Clinic at Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto, generally accepted to probably be the best one in Canada.  I never really understood what a gift the pubic health care system was prior to this, but I do recognize how lucky I am in comparison to so many others.

     I would guess that my ALS medications probably cost somewhere between 200 and 300 thousand dollars a year.  My benefit plan is presently paying for my drugs, can you imagine not having coverage for drugs that could possibly help you?  Where you have to decide between selling or mortgaging your home and draining your bank accounts to buy your medications or choosing to go without.  Where medical decisions are based on dollar amounts instead of what is best for you?  I am grateful for the gift of a benefit plan that allows me to take these expensive drugs in the hope that they are helping me.

     I have met so many amazing people in the medical field since the first day I attended Sunnybrook.  The entire team at Sunnybrook who compassionately care for their hundreds of patients, knowing that everyone they are caring for will eventually lose their fight,  ALS remains undefeated.  As well the nurses, ALS Society, and Community Care Team who all make this horrible disease a little more tolerable.  I am grateful for the gift of all the caring people who work hard to look after me in such a kind, caring and compassionate way.

     A disease such as ALS is expensive.  The amount of medical or assistive equipment can be prohibitive, says the guy waiting for his $32,000 electric wheelchair.  The items we have around the house are a collection of things people have given or loaned us, we have purchased new or used, or that we have been reimbursed for through my benefit plan.  There is something called the ALS Loan Cupboard where people donate used medical equipment, let’s be honest, probably after their loved one dies.  I presently have a walker, electric lift chair and an electric hospital bed all loaned to me from the loan cupboard.  The list of medical equipment I require is constantly growing and already my life would be unbearable without it, so I am grateful for the gift of all this equipment that I have access to that helps me make it through my days.

     I will wholeheartedly acknowledge that I find myself surrounded by the best possible friends.  These are friends that take time out of their very busy lives to visit, or call, or email or set up video calls.  Somehow the whole world is going on at an extremely hectic pace while my life is coasting to a stop.  Most of the world continues on riding the merry go round of life, but a few people realize something important is going on and they are here for me.  Together we exchange old memories, share embraces, shed a few tears and just generally stand by each other.  When you are travelling a dark scary path and suddenly you find a trusted friend at your side you will notice your path becomes a lot less dark and scary.  I am grateful for the gift of dear, treasured friends.

     I have my dear sweet wife Robin here by my side from sun up to sun down working so very hard to look after me.  I don’t think anyone else has someone as amazing as her, and some people are forced to go through this nightmare alone, which I can’t even begin to imagine how impossibly hard that would be. I am grateful for the gift of my loving wife Robin.

   In Canada there is Medical Assistance In Dying, also known as MAID.  If you have a terminal illness, you can fill out a form, meet with a Physician who should agree with your decision and sign off on the form.  Then a minimum of three months later you meet with a second doctor go through the process again at which time you can select a day you want to end your life.  You can change your date or back out at any time, and yes if you are wondering it is a surreal experience going through this process.  I have friends travelling the same path as I am in the United States who would have to travel to another state to end their lives, as if this process isn’t difficult enough they have to travel to a strange place hundreds of miles away from their home and friends to end their suffering.  I am grateful for the gift of living somewhere that I am treated as kindly as a beloved pet who is allowed to leave this world when their struggle to live becomes too much for them.  Leaving this world in a kind compassionate manner, surrounded by loved ones, finally able to rest after fighting the good fight.  

     So I encourage you to always remember, every good thing that happens has bad attached, and very bad thing has good attached.  So next time something bad happens to you I encourage you to look for the good.  Yes you may have to look hard, yes it may be hard to find but I assure you it is there.  Then once you find those good things I encourage you to focus on them rather than the bad things, I think that will help make your journey a bit easier.

[albinism-awareness]

So, I've already read up a bit on general albinism medical facts and stereotypes and such so I mostly want to ask for a vibe check on some magic/magic adjacent stuff?

I've got this dude that's basically the reason I did the research, he starts out as a witch/witch's apprentice*. This is overall a high-magic-ish world and most of the main characters are involved with some kind of magic (I also want to drive it home that it's a coincidence in-story; I assume it'd be a similar situation to "It's fine if your autistic character has magic, but be careful how you do it"?).

The thing I'm less sure about is that at some point in his early twenties he decides to fight a vampire**, which is a bad idea but one he actually does consult a seer about, who basically proceeds to lie to him because she decided that having someone functionally immortal who knows witchcraft and has been taught to protect the village and people in general since childhood would be great for a vague horrible thing she can kind of glimpse at? So she basically knowingly sends him to get turned into a vampire by a mad scientist vampire.

He doesn't stay one forever (he becomes a demigod eventually which undoes the whole "kind of undead" thing), but I understand that having a vampire with albinism could be kind of questionable even with the context of "these two things are completely unrelated, he's just really unlucky".

Overall he's generally a heroic if tragic character in the sense that a lot of huge responsibilities (Saving the world! Defeating god! Defeating another god!) get dumped on him by virtue of him being both somewhat more powerful than actual mortal mortals now and having the time to theoretically be able to plan things long term, but also to some degree because nobody else will deal with it. Also the whole "unwilling transformation and being forced to work together with the person that indirectly did it to him". I guess in a lot of ways he's almost a classic heroic archetype but with oodles of trauma and the soul crushing horror of being in a fight where your odds of succeeding are absolutely abysmal.

I think I'm good on most of the other pitfalls (he's not evil, has vision issues and uses a variety of accessability aids, mostly big hats, sunglasses and magnifying lenses and has blue eyes as a kid which later change to purple explicitly because of a magical things happening to him-something fairly common for people that get hit by that kind of magical thing), but this one I'm really not confident in.

*Basically, a kind of person that uses magic the way a chemist uses chemistry that doesn't rely on innate talent/magic power, which he has little of. He's pretty average/below average in that respect in this world.

**Vampires are generally integrated into society as a kind of super soldier for defense against all kinds of dangerous critters, though some go rouge and decide to murder people for blood rather than be provided through, I guess blood taxes but literally and not particularly sinister.

(so sorry for the late reply)

Dude! That sounds like an awesome story! :)

The only thing that I would ask you to reconsider is maybe something other than an albino witch? only because other than ghosts and vampires, witches are the number one stereotypical ‘creature’ that people compare people with albinism to because oftentimes in small tribes in Africa, people with albinism are thought of as containing mystical properties, thus are hunted for limbs, teeth, hair, eyes, etc. and are usually eaten/consumed. (Keep in mind this isn’t true for all African places, just really small tribes). But that’s the reason the witch thing can be seen as offensive.

And when it comes to fighting, keep in mind that if your character does have albinism, long range weapons would probably be out of the question because of our visual impairments, so long range weapons (guns, snipers, etc.) are likely out of the question. (I’m not sure if you gave them weapons, just putting down in general)

Hope this helps! :)

[dxsturbia]

No, I have a disability accommodated unit. There is a senior community and it is quite possible that other members of the community qualified on disability status that I do not know about, however.

Mental illness runs rampant in the black community it goes unchecked

But more than some of us have discovered that an actual diagnosis will aid you in procuring your share of the American dream

Legally disabled does not mean disabled

It means something is impairing your function, whether it would be a disability or a mental illness

This is the fucking projects do you understand why HAKC has a domestic violence, clause, in all of their leases

Some of the women here are running they’re traumatized and they’re never going to be able to function normally again and you’re never gonna know that because it’s not your fucking business

And the Housing Authority department of housing and urban development

Has given them some protection

Some people can’t afford housing because they can’t afford to work the housing Authority of Kansas City, which is what’s making this property of Housing and Urban Development

Is there to alleviate the financial strain of a person out of work to disabled to work or not making ends meet

With that being said, there is a code of conduct among residents because the loss of these benefits would mean homelessness possible drug addiction, possibly ending back up with an abusive spouse

Ultimately culminating in death, these benefits are life in and death They’ve always been life and death.

 And whether you agree with and except the structural society and a harder urban communities, one thing is going to remain the same across every city housing project

You do not fuck with someone’s security

The only person that is going to assist is you you have no control over who the next tenant is once you get me kicked out of here and guess what the medical marijuana program is for

You threaten someone’s housing and people will die

It’s got nothing to do with being ghetto. You’re not in the ghetto, but this is my territory.

Bitch

[rosemochi]

you have no idea what I'd give to be able to start sleeping again

and it's like—I'm cognitively impaired as a result (in addition to the general PMDD symptoms of "seemingly endless despair" and "anxiety" and "haven't left the house in two weeks" and (remembers that mentions of suicidal thoughts are gauche)----"depression") and the instinct is to take it easy, give oneself grace. take a few days off. which... I agree with, and I'd tell anybody with these symptoms to do exactly that. I'd urge them to, even, because you risk destroying your spirit otherwise.

but right now, it feels like... if I do that, I'm going to slip further into a hole. I won't meet my goals, I won't flourish, because people who flourish don't have these problems and give 120% to everything they do (the 20% is reserved for their "separate income streams", which is what everybody suggests doing to avoid uncertainty during market contractions—except they never elaborate on what those income streams are when asked). said people don't have gaps in their resumes; their hustling natures ensure that there's always something to patch the gap. there's always opportunities for them—they find them. and if I can't live up to that ideal, to this fucking unfair ideal that ignores the basic tenets of being a living, biological being (that we become ill, that we need leisure, that we need rest to keep our basic functions going), then I'll simply fail at everything I try to do, and I might as well just give up and accept my lot in life.

add in the events of 2025 (endless tariff threats, the global rise of fascism, rising unemployment and contractions in every sector) and it's just like—there's this endless impulse to keep going, so you're safe, and your family is safe, but you can't, because you're ill, and therefore you're just fucked. your aging parents are paying your bills, you're falling out on commitments to friends, you're missing webinars and coffee chats and self-imposed deadlines and goals. complicating this is the fact that this illness tells you that you're a failure fucking constantly, that everybody is tired of you bailing on plans and going quiet for half the month and being a fucking mess, and—it's a near-lethal combination, to be frank. none of it is real, and it'll get better in just a few days, but a few days is a long fucking time when you're drowning.

so, yeah. I'm tired, and putting this vent here, because the thought of burdening people I know with this mess (using a method they can't simply scroll past whilst thinking "damn, bitch is at it again") is something I can't quite tolerate at the moment. if you made it to the end of this vent and are willing to hit me over the head with an object of your choice so I'll finally fucking sleep, drop me a line.

(oh, also—nausea is a new PMS symptom that I'm forced to deal with every month, which is terrifying, because I burst a blood vessel in my eye a few months ago and had a very terrifying trip to the hospital and came decently close to needing surgery. so, y'know. let's just chuck "anxiety about irreparably ruining vision" to my list of symptoms, I guess. christ.)

[accessibleprojectcontrollers]

Board Games

Cluedo - A game where you have to guess three cards in the middle by process of elimination. In this game, anyone could be the murderer without knowing as the cards are random. To win the game you have to make a final accusation, look at the cards in the confidential envelope and if you're right the game ends and if you're wrong you're out of the game and if you're right you win. The game is quite simple to play as you just have to roll the dice and move a piece on a board, occasionally marking off on your list what other people have said and could be played by those with limited mobility. The game creates a sense of tension as it's basically a race to figure out the killer, weapon and room the quickest. The game uses a square based grid in order to move which works perfectly as it is, I don't think any other type of grid would work.

Frustration - Frustration is a modern version of the game Ludo, you roll a dice and move pieces around a board, sending other people's pieces back to their starting place if you land on them. The goal is to get all of your pieces into the home for your colour. It creates a sense of anticipation as you're almost constantly running away and you could get so close to getting your character home just to be sent back to the beginning. It does not require much mobility as most versions of the game have a sphere that you press to roll the dice. It's great for smaller children as it only involves simple counting. I don't entirely know if Frustration counts as a grid game, but the grid allows the game to be quite orderly and I don't think it would work without it.

Monopoly -

Monopoly is a game where you go around a board and try to get as much money as possible by buying properties and making others pay rent when they land on your owned space. The goal is to have the most money by the end of the game and avoid going bankrupt. There is a game which is effectively the opposite, Go For Broke. This game sabotages friendships and families just by being so incredibly aggravating. The game requires die to be rolled and cards to be shifted around, as well as counting money and reading said cards. It isn't too difficult for those with mobility issues however it mat prove difficult for those who are visually impaired or dyslexic as there are small words on the cards to read and it may be difficult. The grid is pretty simple, a square of broken up squares around the edges of the board. The game probably wouldn't function without the grid because it is essential to the movement.

[jaitropdonglets]

I’m Not ‘Differently Abled.’ I’m Disabled.

‘Disabled’ isn’t a bad word — don’t be afraid to use it

8 min read

“Online classes can do so much to spread knowledge,” one panelist noted. “Even if you’re living in a very remote, rural area, you can still make it to class — provided your internet connection can handle it.”

“Online classrooms are also more international classrooms,” another person observed. “I have students in South Korea, Hawaii, and Ireland.”

After a few other people shared their experiences, I decided to share another example. “Online classes are also much easier for disabled students to attend. As long as your course materials are transcribed and all your images have captions, your online classroom can be really approachable to blind, Deaf, and paralyzed students.”

A few professors nodded, a few tensed up. One woman seemed particularly uncomfortable with my observation, though she broadcasted that discomfort in an overly pleasant, smiley way.

“Oh so true,” she said. “Just last year in our department we had one student, she was… she was a person with a hearing impairment. She worked so hard. She did as well as anyone else in that class. You wouldn’t have even guessed she was differently abled than anybody else.”

I knew this woman meant well, but I couldn’t help but cringe.

At least once a week, I’ll be talking with some otherwise well-informed, well-meaning social justice activist type about a pressing social issue — like transphobia, rape culture, or racism — and the time will come for me to casually remind them of how ableism intersects with the issue in various unique ways, and completely changes the dynamic of oppression.

I’ll mention, for example, how some transgender people can never access hormones or surgery because of a medical condition; how the struggle for women in wheelchairs to be perceived as a non-sexual being is sometimes an equally pressing problem as being objectified; how the risk of police brutality against Black people is heightened even further when the Black person in question has a mental illness or physical tick.

I can always tell when somebody finds this acknowledgment of ableism hard to handle. Their face takes on a slightly pinched, wincing quality, which they try to hide with a smile. The way I’ve described disability has made them uncomfortable, and they want to evacuate that area of discomfort as quickly as possible. So they say something upbeat and dismissive, like, “Well, yes, people do so much to underestimate the differently abled!” and try to hastily return to familiar conversational ground.

When this happens, I try to slow the person down, and let them know that their understanding of disability is seriously flawed. If a person is so uncomfortable with disability that they feel the need to euphemistically label it something like “differently abled,” I know that they are in need of a crash course in disability justice.

You don’t have to take part in the elaborate, unsettling song and dance of denying a person’s disability or hiding it behind a euphemism.

When a person uses phrases like “special,” “handi-capable,” and “differently abled,” it tells me they have a lot to learn about how disabled people function in society. These are people who tend to believe comforting platitudes like “the only disability is a bad attitude,” and tend to find it “inspiring” when they see a video of a person with Down Syndrome going to prom. In real life, these same folks are usually squeamish about acknowledging that someone around them has a disability.

I’m here to tell you, you don’t have to take part in the elaborate, unsettling song and dance of denying a person’s disability or hiding it behind a euphemism. You can cut straight through the condescension. If a person has a disability, you can just call them disabled. It’s not a bad word or a source of shame. In fact, acknowledging disability openly can help us fight against ableism and injustice. Here’s how:

Disabilities present real barriers

Using the phrase “differently abled” is a bit like dismissing biphobia by saying “well, everybody’s a little bit bisexual.” The phrase implies that since everyone is a little bit different, ability-wise, “disabled” isn’t really a meaningful category that sets people apart.

It’s true that every person has a different ability level. However, some people truly are impaired, or lack certain abilities that abled people possess. When you imply that everyone is a bit different, you end up silencing the people who are different in ways that leave them marginalized or excluded.

Often, being disabled means lacking a physical or mental function that abled people have, or functioning in a significantly altered way. A person who cannot walk does not have “different walking abilities” than a person who can walk. They can’t walk. That function is disabled. This doesn’t make them inferior—it just means that they benefit from having access to tools like wheelchairs.

I’m Autistic, and while Autism has brought many wonderful things into my life, it also is a developmental disability. I didn’t socially or emotionally develop at the same pace as an abled person. For years, I lacked the ability to understand my own emotions or recognize when I was hungry, tired, or stressed. It took me until my mid-twenties to develop social skills that most people have by their teens.

I’m not “differently abled.” I’m disabled. And that’s okay to say. In fact, openly acknowledging a disability allows us to have frank conversations about a person’s needs and limits. Physically disabled people often need access to tools like chairlifts, elevators, wheelchairs, canes, and pain medication. Mentally disabled people often need sensory-friendly spaces, relaxed social expectations, and for complex topics to be explained in clear, direct ways. When we avoid the word “disabled,” we make expressing these distinct needs much more difficult.

Society dis-ables us

A disability is much more than a set of clear-cut physical or mental symptoms. Often, society excludes and ignores disabled people in a way that actively robs us of agency and ability. It’s not just our conditions that disable us. We are also “dis-abled” by a society that is unaccommodating or outright hostile.

Here’s a really simple example. In the United States, eye contact is very important for navigating a lot of professional and legal settings. Your job prospects can be torpedoed if you fail to look an interviewer in the eye. If you have the misfortune of being unfairly accused of a crime, a lack of eye contact can get you labeled dishonest or even sociopathic.

People with Autism, social anxiety, PTSD, blindness, or any other condition that impacts eye contact are at a major disadvantage when they navigate the social world. There’s no reason for mainstream American culture to associate eye contact with confidence, trustworthiness, and respectability; many other cultures take a lack of eye contact as a sign of respect. However, in a culture that requires eye contact, people who find eye contact painful are disabled more than they otherwise would be.

This process of social dis-abling happens with many other disabilities as well. If we valued wheelchair users more as a society, more homes and public buildings would have ramps, elevators, and lifts. But we don’t, and so we often value historical preservation or cost-cutting over accessibility. This robs wheelchair users of the ability to access rental properties, shopping centers, workplaces, public resources, and much more. In a word, they have been dis-abled by our misplaced priorities. So “disabled” is the exact right word to use for it.

There’s no reason to tiptoe around the reality of someone being disabled unless you consider those things to be shameful.

This, by the way, is also why most disability activists reject person-first language. Calling me a “person with Autism” may sound more gentle to an abled-person’s ears than simply calling me Autistic, but the fact is that Autism is an innate, embedded part of who I am. I am not a “person with Autism,” I am Autistic. Autism is not a tacked-on attribute, or a curse. It’s a part of me just like my nonbinary-ness, my whiteness, or any other meaningful trait.

I also choose to capitalize Autism and Autistic for the same reasons that members of the Deaf community capitalize Deaf; it’s an identifier I am proud of, a mark of community membership rather than a condition I have been saddled with.

Disability doesn’t impact a person’s worth

If you are uncomfortable acknowledging that someone is blind, Deaf, paralyzed, Autistic, or has Down Syndrome, it’s probably because you think disability makes a person less worthy. There’s no reason to tiptoe around the reality of someone being disabled unless you consider those things to be shameful.

This is perhaps the biggest problem with the use of softening and obscuring terms like “special,” “handi-capable,” “differently abled,” or “special needs.” They belie a person’s discomfort with acknowledging the reality of disability. Unfortunately, their very use worsens the stigma against people with disabilities, because it furthers the idea that such conditions are unspeakable, or too shameful to name.

Disabled activists have been pushing back against the use of terms like “differently abled” and “handi-capable” since at least the ’80s. Empirical research shows that people are actually more prejudiced toward people who are described as “special needs” than people described as “disabled.” These replacement terms activate more negative stereotypes in people’s minds than more direct, precise language does.

These terms often entered the lexicon via the abled parents of disabled kids, who found softening, cutesy terms more palatable than labeling their children as disabled. To this very day, organizations led by abled people tend to dance around disability, using phrases like “challenged” and “person with visual impairments”, whereas organizations driven by disabled people embrace and take pride in terms like disabled, blind, a wheelchair user, and Deaf.

If you truly believe that a person has value regardless of what they are physically or mentally capable of, it should not pain you to call them disabled. If you believe a paralyzed person has as much social value as a non-paralyzed person, the word shouldn’t make you flinch. If you think intellectually disabled people are equally deserving of love and support as other people, you won’t dance around the phrase as if it’s a swear word.

When disability is hidden away or obscured, so are disabled people’s attempts at attaining justice. If you want to be an ally to your disabled siblings, all you have to do is let go of your desire to clench up, and wince, and pretend that all people are equally “different” and all abilities are equally privileged in our society. Disability exists. It is a beautiful source of diversity. It is not a thing to hide away.

[ruscha]

i fall into the trap of "things used to look cooler" as much as the next guy and as much as i'd like to be above it all. like yeah, the minimalism trend in products has gotten tired. websites are kind of boring now. all the stock "grey everything" apartments being built now are sad. but also, nostalgia plays a huge role in why we all think the way things looked when we (specifically) were kids is the only correct way for things to look. the globe keeps spinning and we keep repeating our grandparents.

like, if we were just fawning over specific aesthetics that would be one thing. you're allowed to think y2k era stuff looks awesome, or 1960's stuff, or 13th century stuff. i guess the core of why this constant bemoaning of the "dead internet" and "death of cool-looking objects and buildings and products" is frustrating to me boils down to 2 things:

1. longing for capitalism with a different skin. jesus fucking christ. the spectacle of our society is such that our sense of self is sold to a capitalist for 8+ hours a day, our worth is based on the money we make, our world is built primarily on things that can be bought, and so with our little free time we adorn ourselves and mold our identities based on the almighty commodity in its multi-styled forms. it is the only thing that gives us a shred of joy. we are what we eat. and it's exhausting to keep talking about this subject like that isn't the case, we're all trapped here and it was never any better when we were kids.

2. i havent stopped thinking about a youtube comment i came across underneath one of those videos about how the internet only has 5 websites now adn you can't even customize your social profiles to look like a myspace page anymore. don't disagree with this sentiment really, i do think the internet is made more interesting by personalization (w/ the caveat that point 1 still applies). the comment i saw, however, came from a ui/ux designer who wrote a very sad self-deprecating paragraph about how the reason the internet is "uncool" now is because of people like them, who value function over form. they concluded their sentiment with the admission that they are only in the ui/ux industry because they "failed at art" (what do they mean by that?) and thus their professional existence is doomed to crush other artists.

that's a pretty fucked up way to think about yourself as a designer! feeling so guilty about the idea of your profession-- the stated goal of which is to use art and design techniques to make software and websites more accessible and user-friendly-- being "opposed to creativity" that you self-flagellate, divorce yourself from the joy of art entirely? ui/ux is extremely important as a field! if the internet had stayed in the flashing clipart geocities era, it would still be inaccessible to the sight or hearing impaired, people with slower internet connections, and people with dyslexia, epilepsy, or any form of color-blindness. not to mention websites would just be 10x more frustrating to actually use rather than just look at. good ui/ux unlocks the tools of the internet for more people to access, makes bad-looking software more pleasing to the eye, and gives designers and artists an important framework to ensure that their creativity is also accessible to others! so why is this person convinced that their profession is the art-killer, the thief of self-expression?

because everyone has a funny idea about form and function. about who is and who isn't an artist. we have deemed anything with colors and glitter "morally good art", and anything with sharp lines and a minimal color palette "a degradation of art". anything that is functional at the expense of bold details is ugly, anything brimming with detail at the expense of its intent and purpose is championed. we're all repeating the backlash against modernism by postmodernists who didn't care to understand the tendency they were critiquing, or the historical backlash against any burgeoning art movement by reactionaries convinced that it would have lost them their cultural foothold on the world. everything from my childhood is good and pure, and everything from your childhood is sad and perverse. i miss the good old days when—