#because going after people isn't the answer but neither is pretending it's not a problem and avoiding talking about it

[holopossums]

There's a lot of weird mentalities in fandom. I feel like incest and proship is tolerated way too much in some circles, and the way people deal with incest/proship in other circles isn't mature enough for me to agree with. Which is why I'm sort of stuck in this weird position where I don't agree with a lot of people.

Here's the thing: I'm not getting buddy-buddy with people who don't even have the spine, maturity, and decency to stand against making incest and sexual abuse titillating in any form. I'd advise that if you want to keep an ounce of respect from good people then do the same. Don't get buddy-buddy and don't interact with those sorts of people if you want to retain any respect.

Incest and sexual abuse in media is absolutely a huge social problem that's worthy of addressing. And I would treat it no different than, for example, framing racial violence in media as good. Or transphobia, or homophobia, or misogyny, or any other serious real social problem that requires careful, thoughtful framing when it is touched on as a topic, because the way it's treated sends a message. And that messaging is picked up by us on a subconscious level, which then feeds into our view on certain topics or certain people.

A person who makes incest/underage porn that is spun as a positive, titillating thing is functionally no different to me than someone who insists that, for example, racial violence or gender discrimination is okay to frame as a good and positive thing in stories. It's the exact same kind of disregard for a respectful way to depict a topic and treat the affected group. And it's the same lack of care and critical thought that makes proshippers and incest likers very susceptible to propaganda and bigoted narratives pushed by others who create media they like.

I've watched as the "fiction doesn't affect reality" crowd emulates talking points and behaviors from conservatives as well as actual predators. It's scary how people's lack of self-control and lack of desire to work on themselves with regards to how they approach media gets used against them. It can easily turn you into someone who cultivates a lack of care and respect for vulnerable groups without you even realizing it, and that's the insidiousness of it.

I see things like pro-incest and proship as a proud admittance of being weak-minded and unwilling to participate in critical thought about media, your relationship with media, and your personal impact in fandom and in the world. It's giving, "It makes me feel bad/ashamed to think about the larger implications of what I'm doing, so I just won't think about it. And if anyone questions/criticizes me, I'll regard them as a pearl-clutching puritan rather than a sensible and fair individual who's calling on me to have a sense of care for others and the world around me."

It's only one part of a much bigger problem, which is a slow shift in attitude away from critical thinking and care for others in our society. It affects more than fandom. But that bigger problem is a topic too big to tackle for this post.

At the same time, to spend copious amounts of energy going after these dogshit people instead of just shutting them out of your life and your personal spaces... that's not good either, you know? It's not good to obsess over them.

I take care of my own space - my own social media feeds and the Discord servers I run. I shut those people out of my spaces as much as I can, even when they are truly awful people who invade my spaces and don't respect my boundaries. And that is all I can truly do.

Sadly, even though it can be cathartic, the world doesn't get fixed by going after shitty people online who refuse to think about what they're doing because they're a bunch of weenies who don't have the maturity to work on themselves. The world better benefits by providing comfortable spaces for yourself and those you love, and focusing on educating others and spreading positivity.

You sort of have to adopt the mentality of "block liberally and leave others alone if they're outside your sphere, even if they're stupid as hell and gross and make you angry, but take no shit when your personal space and boundaries are invaded".

I feel like that is one of the only good ways to really deal with those sorts of people. Anything more will drain your time/energy that could be used on better things, and anything less allows people to walk all over you and make you feel bad.

[cyrusthedragon]

Mother of his child

Explicit ‼️ MDNI ‼️ NSFW 18+

I promised and I did: Simon sucks his wife's titties while talking about a big happy family with her.

Relationship: Simon Ghost Riley / f!Reader

Tags: porn with plot, dominance, married couple, rough sex, established relationship, breastfeeding, creampie, LOTS of dirty talk, some of spit play, LOTS of milk, LOTS of breeding, LOTS of 'mama'-calling, nasty stuff, happy family fluff for aftercare, size kink, sex after some time, no "Ghost", babying Simon.

Simon Riley really loves his wife, like... possessively. Almost obsessively.

Notes:

f!Reader gained weight after giving birth, and she has too much milk. Greedy and perverted Simon can't think about her selling her milk to people who have feeding problems. He's jealous.

You and Simon serve(d) together.

(Kinda, cuz it's funny, but not actually) Bossy!Reader in the end.

You and Simon have a newborn child.

Trigger warning: English isn't my first language, so, please, write a comment if I did a good job, I need to know if it's good, cuz I'm not really sure. But i enjoyed writing it! You can subscribe to me, I'll write a lot more about him! And I take requests, hehehe, especially most dirty ones. So. Please, enjoy ♥️

AO3

"You'll bore a hole in me..." you said under your breath, touching baby girl with just your fingertips and not taking your eyes off of her.

Simon immediately straightened his back, paying attention to the book in his hands again, and you chuckled softly:

"What's going on in your mind, baby?"

Silence in the room, only a soft melody from somewhere in the house, and the three of you sitting in your bedroom: you, feeding your precious baby girl, she, smacking from the delicious milk, and your husband, trying to pretend he's reading his book. Considering how he didn't touch a single page for the last fifteen minutes, he was either repeating that one spread or trying to memorize it all.

Or just being a pervert.

It's Simon we're talking about, no one on Earth would ever suspect him of thinking about something nasty, but... You were his wife. Mother of his child.

You knew there was something in those blue eyes of his - he looked at you exactly like that one day when you... When you decided to have a child.

You weren't, actually.

It was an accident.

But when you told him about your pregnancy and asked if you should take a Plan B, for one moment after that horrific word, he looked at you, almost shaking from nervousness, with something in his eyes that you recognized as a... Reluctance? "Yeah," he cleaned his throat, moved his gaze away because, obviously, the floor was way more interesting than a damn pregnancy test in your hands, "yes, you're right, Plan B... We shouldn't.. we should, uh...". Words have never been one of his strengths, if you were not in bed.

You looked at him trying very hard to say something, and one thing in him just matched you so perfectly, that for one second you thought maybe.. maybe...

"Can we keep-"

"What if we..."

You said it at the same time, and neither you nor he understood who was saying what, but the excitement was so loud, that you couldn't resist impulses to grab his hands. Neither could he help but stretch out his arms to you and hold you to give you a hug, even if he himself was just as terribly scared.

That shit was scary. No doubt.

It would not have been that horrifying if not for these thoughts of yours. Common.

"If we..." you heard Simon speaking, felt him swallowing loudly, "Maybe, if.. maybe we can..."

"Can keep it?" you helped, squeezing him with all your strength just to feel yourself safe. "You think we can?.."

"I think... I think I want to, but.."

"You want?"

And that was the moment when you moved away a little to look him straight in the eyes, seeking there for something you weren't sure exactly what.

"Yes?.." he answered under his breath. As freaked out as you were. Of course, he was. Both of you were soldiers, to the core. No one of you ever dares to dream about having a baby... It's a huge responsibility, and neither he nor you thought you could handle it, that's why you always used protection to minimalize your chances. It doesn't mean you didn't want to - hell yes you wanted, especially with Simon, and the more you got to know him, the better you understood he wanted this, too.

A family.

A real family, bonded with each other, someone you can hold in your hand and give all your love, all your affection, untapped awe for having something you and Simon created together. Holy hell, you married a dead man, did you think you had no strength for a little human? Just a baby? It took almost half of a year for you and Simon to finally get married, you took his last name and did it with all your patience, although the boys in one-four-one started calling you Mrs. Riley a long time before you became Mrs. Riley, and all these troubles, years of waiting for something with him, all this situationship, candy-bouquet period, all of it...for being afraid of having a child? It can't be that ha-

You were selfish.

Thinking about yourself, not your baby, who would most likely live alternately with one parent, then with the other - depending on which one of you would be called for a mission. You knew it. You knew you can have your parental leave, for twelve weeks, and, and, and...

"..ve. Love!" you shuddered - Simon rarely used to raise his voice at you, and often it was because of how easily you were distracted by thinking about something very important to you. You lose your patience when you were afraid of something. You blinked, looked up at him, and suddenly he was so calm that you were immediately infected by his calmness, without realizing it. "Breathe, love," he whispered, holding your face in his palms, so huge compared to your head. "Do you want to keep her?" and when he asked, looking you dead in the eyes, he already knew your answer, but...

You breathed out: "Her?"

Eyes to eyes, one very important dialogue without a single word between you, your shiny to his bright, deep ocean blue. "I want a girl," he whispered, not even blinking. "I want a boy", you said lowing your voice to match his, and he nodded, pulling you closer to touch your forehead with his. "Then... Let's see who it will be," Simon's lips were so close to yours, you half closed your eyes, pressed your lips into a tight line, and then closed them completely when he murmured in your mouth before kissing you full of his endless gratitude: "...shall we?"

And that was it.

You lost your little bet and were very happy about it.

The little one was happy, too, sucking milk, already ready for her beauty sleep, so beautiful, and a bit... sassy, biting your swollen nipple with per pink gums, making you hiss and chuckle softly. She had her father's shiny eyes. Your love. Your precious child.

"Simon, darling, you're staring." You finally moved your eyes from your daughter to your husband, smiled at him and he could no longer pretend he was reading his book. He wasn't. "Am I?" you heard him sighing, but his gaze started to be a little more... heavier than a second before you decided it was enough for baby girl and took her away from your chest. "Yes, darling, you are," your voice softened, small one whined, lying on the bed, twitching her hands and feet, and you giggled: "What a greedy creature... Never enough for her." But she quickly calmed down - the music changed to a comforting lullaby... You could finally get up and stretch your legs, fix your dressing gown, and move to Simon, sitting on the armchair.

"You didn't answered my question."

Baby monitor right behind your girl, and you allowed yourself to go straight to the kitchen - hungry as hell, while Simon simply followed your steps God knows why.

"What question?" He asked, watching you getting your snacks.

Bare feet, loose hair, mid-thigh gown, and the wet spots in it, right in front of your nipples. You're still leaking. And mouth-watering. And holy shit he just can't stop looking at your covered chest, how heavy your breasts are, how they freely jiggle when you're just moving. "Simon." he can't hear you, all his nature is focused there where your nipples touch your closes, these eyes are wild. You watched him, busy analyzing your chest or whatever, and didn't get yet the hell was wrong, but it's Simon, so... Whatever he was thinking about he would tell you, sooner or later.

But you didn't expect 'sooner' will be that...soon.

You turned your back to him to find something in the fridge and gasped when he suddenly lifted you, sitting you on the table, face to him. "Riley, the hell are you?!-" and then you met his eyes again.

Truly, wild.

"What? Eat your food, love." his voice was strange, he completely was strange, something just cracked in you, a blush appeared in your cheeks immediately, then he pulled back the gown and your hand trembled, accidentally dropping a snack on the floor.

He bared your chest with a face like nothing happened, and you swallowed your tongue like a proper coward, did not know how - did not want to - stop him and did not even try to interrupt whatever he was going to do. You felt the shivers down your spine - his hands on your ribs, fingertips almost tickling you, forcing you to smile, but there was nothing to smile about, just your husband being odd and making your legs shake with just his hands.

God, you didn't touch him for almost six months...

"I can't," you whispered, shutting your eyes while feeling his hand off you and somehow knowing for sure he was pulling his mask up to his nose.

"Why?" The hoarse voice of his just drove you crazy. Your brain was about to explode with this sudden satisfaction he brought to you by massaging your torso and jelly belly, and you couldn't answer properly: "Because you... What are you... Just take what you want already." You hissed, and maybe it would be fear for him to feel embarrassed by your tone and hands, hugging his head, but he did not care anymore or simply did not understand that, so he just... Did it.

You felt his wide tongue in front of your nipple.

And you inhaled.

"Simon... Simon, what are you doing, Simon..."

Your voice was less caring than you wanted it to be, and he didn't even look at you to answer: "Joining you to eat a snack."

"Oh I'm a snack now, wonderful..." words came out of your mouth before you shut it, "You little pervert, are you seriously going to su-... Oh, god."

Tongue swept all over your breast before Simon straightened up to his full height - and even though you were sitting on the table, he had to tilt his head to look at you. Giant. His gaze was much heavier than before, his pupils bigger, his brows furrowed to let you know, he was ashamed of you:

"That's how your talking to a baby, love?" Simon murmured and you did not even try to believe what you heard. He continued, seeing your confusion: "I see... I'm no longer your baby, am I?"

"Wha-.."

Oh.

'"What's going on in your mind, baby?"'

So that's what it was all about.

"You pervert," you said, watching him laying you down on the table and towering over you like he was some kind of mountain of muscles. This whole situation was quite crazy, and you swallowed, losing all your boldness just because of how dominant he became, taking your hands in his one so tightly that you couldn't move your fingers if you wanted to. Breath-taking Simon. First, you met on your first night together. A completely different person than what you usually see. His gaze was on you, examining you - how the fabric glided effortlessly over your body, showing up your ribs, tummy, chubby sides (you gained some weight after giving birth and were a little worried about it, but the way he cravingly looked at your fat...), your white panties, already wet for him. Of course, you were wet. He was between your legs, holding your hands, ready to eat you up.

"'Baby?..'" you whispered under him, trying to move your feet, but his other hand grabbed your knee abruptly and pushed it aside, leaving you completely open to him. "Don't try to hide, mama," you gasped at his words, heart started beating faster, and his head lowered to touch your belly with his lips. Soft and full. "It's nothing you need to be ashamed of.. if it's not me. Are you ashamed of me, mama?". Impossible, how he affected you with this damn 'mama' spoken by his powerful, quiet voice, "You don't need to be ashamed. Didn't you say today that your breasts are full? Don't you remember?".

You swallowed your saliva, chest up and down, and your voice cracked when Simon slightly touched underneath your filled breast, "I said we can sell it... There are many people with.. problems with.. with feeding. Simon, what are you-"

"Stop asking. You don't trust me?"

"I do, but-"

"No 'but'."

You should've said something, but when he grabbed your tit with his wide palm, compressed your nipple lightly between the index and middle fingers, everything that was in your head vanished immediately. Milk ran out over his fingers, to his wrist, and tangled in his short hair above the tattoo. "So easily, mama," he murmured, following the drop of your milk, "you're so full.. and you wanna give this to someone else? You wanna take it away from our daughter? Deprive her of that, mama? Is that what you want for her?"

You just said there's too much milk in you, useless milk, because your girl never starved, but the mere idea of giving part of you to someone who wasn't his child, just made him so, so jealous. You choked - Simon pulled your nipple with his fingers as if in punishment.

"No, no, of course not, I just wanted..."

And then the moon fell:

"You can give it to me." Your eyes widen in shock. And you saw him raise his milk-stained hand and watched his tongue follow the line from elbow to finger, licking your juice. "Sweet..." He murmured, "So sweet, so delicious..." And before you even realized, he sat you up at that table, wrapped his hand around you, and pressed his open, greedy mouth to your milking breast, moaning, like it was the best thing he ever tasted. A cry escaped your lips, you instantly grabbed his head, closed your eyes tightly - your nipples were so, so sensitive after feeding, and now he almost ate 'em. Shivers ran through your body, every cell was tense, trembling legs closed behind his back, as if locking him with a fuckin' padlock pressed against your body, yet still fully dressed. "Madman," you whined, squeezing the back of his balaclava, "you're a madman, Simon Riley, you're out of your mind...Teeth-!" Your sob forced him to let go of your chest with a loud smack, just like your baby did before, and the marks of his teeth were clearly visible on the soft, full flesh around your nipple.

"Watch your teeth- god, you-" you cried out, almost ready to hit him on the back, but then he, stooped, suddenly looked up at you, so innocent, so open, that something in your gut began to tighten. "Something wrong, mama?" He said, and you miraculously felt how his second hand was lost between your thighs. Breath didn't want to recover, he clung to you, pressing his cheek against your chest, and milk flowed out of you harder.

"No..." You answered, not sure if he's a pervert for calling you 'mama', or you for enjoying it so much, "Nothing wrong, baby... Just.. watch your teeth, okay?" Eyes to eyes, without a blink, you sucked air through your teeth and slowly put your trembling hand at his half-covered cheek, stroking until he closed his eyes, "You want to be good for mama, don't you, baby?"

"Mhm", he whispered, kissing your hand softly.

You didn't know your first sex with Simon after such a long time would be like that, but his finger, just one, was in your underwear and it pressed your clit so good, that you almost lost your mind, tilt you head back.

"I will be good for you, but I'm so mad at you..." Suddenly his voice softened and your hips tensed; his palm was fully in your panties, squeezing your cunt, pressing the middle finger to the entrance.

"Why mad, baby?.."

"I'm so mad you want to give yourself to someone else, mama," and when he opened his eyes, his finger entered you on the first finger phalanx, you hold your breath and bit your lip - you forget how big his fingers were, one of his like two of yours, and there was no lubricant, just your sloppy juices. Every tiny scar on his finger was fully felt, every callus, every cut. "You wanted to share yourself with hell knows who. That's how you feel about us, love? Is that it? Instead of giving everything to your, to my child, our child, you were going to.. what?" finger thrust further, you gasped, he pressed you into himself tighten. One small kiss to your neck and you already was useless, when he lifted you again and whispered in your ear while carrying you to the couch and putting you on his thighs so that you could lay down on him completely naked.

You don't need clothes, do you?

"You were going to waste it, love." He continued. "Instead of calling me, your husband, to help you."

"Help me with what?.. sucking this milk?.."

"Exactly, love."

You would've chuckled, but then there was a crack and your torn panties fell to the floor.

He tore them on you.

Animal.

"Beast..." You whispered, putting your head on his shoulder and feeling him squeezing your tits once more with both his hands.

"Me?" Simon's soft laughter was almost unbelievable, "No, no... I'm not. You are. A little cow, mama. Leaking your sweet milk. Just like a cow. Allowing me to drink it..." he pressed his face into your chest, threw you back, milk splashed from your nipples and hit him right on the balaclava, "What a mess you are. You're looking? Look carefully." fingers squeezed one nipple, twisted, pulled, milk splashed in all directions, flowed all over your chest and down to your torso, and his hands, warm, making you whine and mumble in pain in half with pleasure, just like a cow. "Oh love, and not just here. Don't take your eyes off, watch how wet you are, you ruined my clothes," his second hand went down to your groin, suddenly you wanted to cover yourself, but his middle and index fingers had already opened your vulva, revealing his hungry gaze your lower lips. "Look at you, you're soaking, mama... Do you hear it? That's your sound."

The sloshing of your juices as he circled around your entrance, the crackling of his clothes as you squeezed his shoulders, your whimpering as he purposely ignored your hard clit - all this cacophony was his symphony for your ears, and only yours.

"You sound so well, love..."

"Simon.. Simon, please, Simon..."

"What 'please'?"

"Simon, please, I want to kiss you..."

"Kiss me then."

"No! No! Please, Simon, I want to kiss you so bad... Please let me just-" and your shaking fingers touched the edges of his balaclava, throwing aside.

Scars.

Scars all over his face.

His bright eyes, his short blond hair, and all these scars made him look way older than he was. Breath-taking Simon.

You couldn't resist the impulse to praise him like he always secretly loved:

"You're so beautiful..." Fingers ran over his cheeks, cheekbones, brows, nose, lips, so kissable, you pressed your mouth to his with a hiss, feeling Simon again in you with his whole finger. "Damnit, baby..." You said, silencing him by taking his tongue with yours.

His hand on your ass, his finger fucking you, so tight girl, he loves feeling your walls around him, up and down - you got up on him, fucking yourself with his finger, and lowered to feel how he put his second finger to your entrance. Your breath hitched as he broadened your entrance, slowly pushing himself inside. Juices sloshing, his panting against your neck, his other hand gripping your ass so hard it threatened to bruise it, and his fingers fucking you like he was re-examining you - twisting the hand, pushing in, speeding up and massaging your inner lips and your clit, making you moan so loud, thank god rooms were soundproof. "I want to be inside you so bad, mama..." You heard him, hissing in your skin, biting it with his sharp teeth, you could've just hugged him tighten, "So wet, so delicious, look at you, how beautiful you are, ready to carry my second child...are you ready, mama?"

"Second child?.." you whispered barely audible, eyes watering from his aggressive pounding, and almost whining when the sound of unfastening the belt reached your ears and the cold steel of its plate touched your hot skin.

"Of course," and he didn't even stop pounding you, that dirty pervert; pulled his boxers down, letting the cool air touch the head of his cock. Red, wet head. Big. Thick. You didn't have to look at it to instantly lower your palms down and, howling like a wild dog, grab his cock with your both hands. "Fuck, love..." He cursed, clutching your ass, "You missed me, huh? Did you?"

"I did, I did, so much, baby, so much..." your trembling voice, your confident hands stroking his already hard fat dick, your cunt, shrinking from the memory of how sweetly he filled you that last time before your pregnancy... You, cock-drunk, beneath him, full with his thick hot sperm and covered by it all over your body - your ass, your vulva, your belly, your face; he came so much then, it was your first night together after you both returned from your mission. And now you can have it again... Finally.

"Pink on your cheeks suits you, love," he murmured, stroking your cheek like you did with his, "but I prefer your tears..." and before you even understood, his tongue already was on your face, licking off salty tears, mumbling, moving his hips to you while you jerked him off. "Everywhere... Wet everywhere... Did you always have been such a dirty fat slut?.. Crying, milking, soaking... I can eat you alive. Show me your mouth," he took his hand off your butt, roughly opened your mouth, looked, "Oh, I see... Would you mind, if I-"

And you felt his saliva on your tongue before Simon finished his sentence.

"There you go, such a good girl..."

But he didn't even think about letting you swallow his spit, and while you were trying to get back into rhythm, drunk on his saliva, he threw you onto the sofa, covering you from above, like a goddamn wall: "No, no, don't close your mouth." An animal, a real beast, twice your size, towered over you, mocked you, deprived you of his fingers and you could only helplessly scratch his hands near your head and push your pelvis in him, trying to somehow sit on his cock with your pathetic leaky pussy. "Don't close your mouth, you don't want me to fuck you, mama?" Sly bastard, so different, so cold, so soft for all of them, role model, best fighter, squad pride...Made fun of you, so turned on. You nearly hated him for this, but couldn't deny how you loved him above you.

"I want," trembled lips parted, saliva flowed slowly down your tongue to its root, your heavy breath was the only music for him.

"You want? Then be good for me, and I'll be good for you, mama, your good, good baby boy, mama... I would be anything for you, open your mouth, open it, let me fill you everywhere, will you, please?"

You barely had time to grab his short hair when he pressed his mouth to your mouth, but your tongues did not touch each other, you only shared your breath with him, as you always did, and when the tip of his fat cock touched your entrance, you held your breath, feeling how, along with his length, ripping you apart, widening you, inch by inch, he poured into you also his spit. Thick saliva - that's how hungry he was for you, his mouth was full of this viscous liquid.

"Good mama," words were hard for you, he closed his eyes, stopped at how tight you were, grabbed your leg, and slung it on his belt, thrusting deeper into you. Each vein on his long cock, each brought so much pleasure to extremely tight you... It was nearly impossible to move, but he always was stubborn and even when the drop of sweat ran over his neck, he continued entering you, sadistically slowly. "Relax for me," he almost begged, and you whispered:

"I've already..."

"So that's how tight you actually are, then, huh?" Seems Simon was starting to lose patience, fingers of one hand pressed on the upholstery of the sofa near your head, the second he squeezed your breast as if in revenge: "I almost forgot how it's like...when you're not in the shape of my cock." he sucked in air through clenched teeth, staring into the tears in your eyes, like he wanted to lick them again, "But it's okay..." He continued, thrusting you exactly to halfway of his cock, "We have plenty of time to make you perfect for me again, love. It's okay. I'll fuck you 'til you'll be open for me every time I want to fill you with my cum. You like my cum?" you cried, his heavy hand gave a slap on your ass, "Of course you do... Mama's such a slutty thing, she's always ready for me to cum in her, give her so much of my sperm, so she can give birth to our future big family."

"Big..." You whined about how he was ripping you with his dick, demonically slowly to the very core, to the root. You felt the warmth of his full, heavy balls, as he promised, filled with his cum just for you, and your back arched in an unthinkable angle, as soon as you felt the coarse hair on his groin.

"Yes, love, big family," and even his mumbling reached you with difficulty, you suffered on him, scratched him, beat, squeezed him with your legs, wriggled like a snake, and he hung over you, indestructible, like a rock, tried to take a breath from the pain in the cock. "Me, you, our children, so many children..."

And there was the first thrust.

Right on the nerves.

Until the pitiful cry and eyes rolled back.

Big, big, big-

So fucking big-

"What, you can't handle me anymore?" his hoarse rough voice came from above and your body shook as he thrust into you and slap your thigh, leaving the big red shape of his five fingers. "How you're going to have my children then? Be the mother of my babies, raise 'em, feed 'em with that delicious milk of yours-" Simon compressed one of your nipples again and you choked on a scream as the milk spurted freely up. "Dirty, dirty mama..." Was his only response.

And he fucked you.

To the cries, putting all his strength into you, moaning loud and clear, just like you love, forcing you to beg for his cock, but already fuckin' you, watching your tits jiggle and milk splash everywhere, spoil his clothes, get on your cheeks. To legs shaking, to an exhausted body, growling in your face how much he's going to cum in you so that you burst from his sperm, pregnant with his children, forever, for your whole life, so everyone, every fucking single one from everywhere could see whose are you, who you belong to. This belly, squishy and fatty, this face, these tits, hips, legs, feet, mouth, this milk, and other juices, these eyes, beautiful, beautiful eyes, these delicious lips, this heart and soul - all, all for him and his children, all for the Riley family, all of it for them and no one else, no one fuckin' else. You're trapped here, you're never gonna leave this man and his child, you belong to them with your whole being, you understand that? Do you, mama? Do you understand there's no escape, he would fight Death if that sucker would ever allow himself to at least think about taking you away from Simon; he would fight Death, and he would kill it because no one has the slightest right to take even a piece of you from him.

"Mine," he groaned, sinking his fangs into your neck, suddenly grabbing you by the waist and lifting so that you sat on his cock as tightly as physically possible, and kept fucking you, beating out from you every moan, every deep scratch your nails left on his shoulders as you bathed his neck with your tears. Pressed into each other, like two halves of a whole, crazy, lost in each other, interwoven, and you won’t understand where you begin and he ends. Your cunt hurts, but the pain is so sweet that you're not sure you want to cut it, you're not sure you want him to stop, to be more gentle, not pounding you like a fucking hammer, and the angle is so right - you can feel not just his dick deep inside you, but how your clit is stimulated by him, his rough movements. Oh, this beast, this madman, this insane man... So insane just for you. You cried out, moaned: "Simon... Simon! Simon!" as if it was the only thing you remembered in your life, and the rubbing of your bare nipples against his outer clothing forced you to snuggle closer to him and at the same time as if trying to get away from him.

He was no longer there, he was all inside you, thrusting you like it was his last day, angry, but carrying you so perfectly that you could've let yourself lay on him, and you knew he would never let you fall.

"Simon, Simon, listen, listen to me, please-" your trembling voice almost vanished in all these sex sounds, but he pushed you closer (there was no 'closer') and you simply whined: "Simon, I'm going to cum, I'm going to cum, I'm going to- I want to cum so bad- please, Simon, I wanna cum, I want you to cum, please, cum with me, please-" Your fingers pulled back his hair. You yourself pulled back, arched in your back, and instantly your muscles contracted on his cock, forcing him to fall, falling with you on the soft sofa. A little more and he would've crushed you with his weight, but with a desperate groan he managed to grab your hands and, lacing your fingers together, lean on them to hang over you, not for a second slowing down the speed of his deep, passionate thrusts.

Your useless legs struggled to stay on his lower back, your breasts were shaking painfully and you felt the blessing of heaven when he clung to you, pressed, as tightly as it was physically possible, and instantly squeezed you in both his hands. "Cum for me," he moaned in your ear, his veiny cock almost touched your uterus, but it seemed that if he wanted to, he would fuck your womb just to impregnate you. "Cum for me, mama, let me see how happy you are to be pregnant for me, just for me, showing people how you love me, scream, mama..."

Heavy breathing, deep unforgiving pounds, bursting cock, burning heart, nails scratching his strong broad back, ribs compressed with iron arms - and you, so tiny compared to him, you, so little, so fragile looking in his arms... were ready for anything for this man. "Cum for me," he ordered, grunted, and you tensed on him, squeezed him with all your might to his own loud moan, and tears gushed from your helplessly rolled eyes. His moans, low but beautiful, just for you, were the only thing you heard in your petite mort.

And his seed filling you, hot, thick, was the only thing you felt.

The maddening feeling of being filled with rich cum, his cum, your husband's, your man's, drove you to a silent scream, to open mouth from which no sound came out, and saliva flowing down from the edge of your mouth only to dry on your cheek when you tilted your head back. And as if boiling sperm in you, poured into your insides.

"Greedy mama..." you didn't even come to your senses when you focused your blurred vision on Simon overhanging you, cupping your wet cheek with his large hand. His quiet, purring voice settled in your head like a gooey honey. You could nearly discriminate his words. Not understanding what was happening around, hearing only his voice and feeling only him in you, you were like gutted and thrown into the light while his sweat dripped on you from above, and his heavy breathing only miraculously did not blow you away. "Just like that..." Even his voice cracked, this man couldn't resist the devil, and mumbled inaudibly: "So good for me... So good... Such a good girl..."

Hot seed in you, his weight on you, his warmth all over you, his loud breath and your inner muscles tightening and loosening around him while he, overstimulated, continued moving in you, also overstimulated, and the movements were so...gentle ... So soft... His soft pounds, his smooth swings, almost like trying to rock you, but that orgasm was so blinding, you couldn't breathe, you couldn't concentrate on the outer world, just him and his hands, his hips between your legs, his balls tightly pressed to you, his cock inside you completely... So... Soft... Hot... Your body temperature was almost past its peak... And that gentle touch Simon gave you on your belly, lying his head on your shoulder.

After what he did, you barely remember how carrying he was... This big softie...

"You..." your hoarse voice sounded like you hadn't spoken in at least ten years, there was fuckin' Sahara in your throat, and your eyes couldn't even close from the experienced orgasm, "What you just... What you... Wha-...."

Tied tongue refused to obey.

You literally could not utter a word, only mumbling something incomprehensible.

Boneless.

Dry out.

Dehydrated.

The son of a bitch literally sucked all the juice out of you.

"Si..bl... Bml... Ah......"

And when he, as exhausted as you, pulled away to kiss you on the pink hot cheek, after all, that he had done, you nearly could look at how calm he was.

"You alright, love?"

Blue eyes glanced at you in slight worry, he stroked your wet hair, raised himself with both hands to look at you, but you could not take your eyes off him. You stared at him in disbelief or shock - doesn't matter, you just experienced the nastiest sex in your life, and he was so calm, so confident, like nothing happened, like it was a daily basis for you - being fucked 'til semiconscious state while your husband was 'mama'-calling you and sucking your tits, and, holy shit, did that really-

"Do I..." You swallowed, looking him dead in the eyes, without a single blink. "Do I look like I'm alright?... Do I?... And what happened with 'mama', baby?.. what happened with 'mama'?" suddenly your voice became demanding, insistent, from somewhere you found the strength to weakly hit him in his rock-hard shoulder, and Simon's eyes flashed with shame for a second, then he moved them from you, almost trying to hide, while leaving your core and sitting on the edge of the sofa at your useless boneless legs still shaking from whatever the hell that just was.

He inhaled, "I..."

"Shut up." and he closed his mouth instantly, staring at the floor, even before he heard properly what you said. "You sucked my milk."

"Um..."

"I said shut the fuck up- You just- where are my pills?"

"What?"

The slight surprise in his voice almost pissed you off and it was funny how he almost trembled with fear and tried to shrink under your gaze: he, that behemoth of a man, two meters tall, mountain of muscles, Lieutenant, a brave soldier of the Queen, Chain Dog of Captain Price and Commander Lasswell, trembling under your gaze, your, women half his height, twice as weaker than he ever was, furthermore, unable now to even wake up on her own, move her limbs, he was fuckin' scared-

Indeed.

You did have power over him.

"My pills." You barely raised your voice and he already was on his feet, pulling on his pants and trousers, looking for your plan B.

You watched him, nervously seeking after them, making as much noise in the bathroom as he would never make on a battlefield, and you could almost see his shaking hands turning the whole room upside down.

"We're gonna have a nice long talk about all of it," you heard yourself surprisingly serious, when he came to you with a glass of water and your medicine, helping you, holding your head for you to drink, "we gonna..." you swallowed the pill from his hands, drank all the water from the glass without taking your eyes off him, and exhaled loudly as he kissed your cheek after.

"We're gonna?.." he echoed you and you saw him squatting down next to the couch, against your head, so you could lie down and look him straight in the eyes without getting tired.

"We're gonna clear up your... This. Simon."

"Mhm?"

"Eyes on me."

"They already are, ma'am."

You could've laughed, because he never called you that unless you were extremely serious about small things in your life, no one ever saw him mocking you, or smiling like this, widely and openly, but there were topics you wanted to discuss before admitting that both of you were total perverts, and nothing would even help you clean your conscience from it.

To be fair, you didn't actually want.

You knew he was more playful, more... Different when you were alone, there were demons inside his pretty blonde-haired head, that was true, you knew the man you married, and he never was such a jealous person without any reason, and... You didn't know how, but you were sure this talk about 'sharing with someone else' wasn't just... Dirty talk. There was something else deep inside.

"You're thinking too loud, love," you heard him hawed it out and then felt his strong hands on your aching legs. "Again."

"I'm just... You know what?"

"Mm?"

"We... We should..."

"We should?.."

"We should... Holy hell, Simon... You..."

"I was serious about what I said, love."

Boom.

You tilted your head, met his eyes, moving from your legs to your face.

His deep and at first sight as if almost naive eyes.

"About?..." You whispered, feeling something strange growing inside you with every second he was looking deep into your soul.

Nasty, nasty soul.

"About having a big family." you felt his gentle kiss on your ankle, his head relaxed near your feet, he mumbled, "We already have one pretty girl... I want more. I want... I want to come home... And see a hoard of children running to me... Meeting me... And you... And then I'll sit with them, and you will work, and, imagine... Coming home, where there'll be a bunch of kids, siblings, maybe playing with each other, or arguing, or... Else. Our little world."

"Our little world..."

Unbelievable.

Dreamy, absorbed in his fantasies, soft, affectionate Simon. Telling you about that.

"Even if we could... What if something goes wrong?.." you couldn't resist your fears, not for yourself, but for hypothetical children. "What if... We won't be able to give them what they deserve?.."

And suddenly he smirked:

"I'm not telling you making a second one right now, am I?" your eyes met, your uncertain, and his, surprisingly romantic. "I'm just... Maybe we shouldn't stop at just one. She needs a friend. We were able to do so many things. I will buy a big house somewhere in the middle of nowhere..."

"With a garden and greenhouse?"

"Yep. I will arrange the area. Maybe we can have cows?"

"And chicken."

"And chicken. And..."

And you completed his sentence without looking at him, just knowing what he would say:

"...and have a daydream house with white picket fence and a golden retriever..."

"I prefer Alsatian."

There was something wrong with this man. Who was without a drop of doubt thinking that you two, and now with the third little human, can have that unrealistic happy lovey-dovey life.

Scarred soldiers, hardly married, only a year ago trembling from fear because of the thought that you would have a child in your house, such an irresponsible thing to do- and- and- now-

Now he was saying you can have more, can take responsibility for more people, more little ones- where were the guarantees that he would not die in the field? where were the guarantees that you would not be killed? where there were guarantees that you could become good parents, raise good children, fulfill your duty to them, and remain happy, not break down, challenge life, who stubbornly told you over and over again that you weren't made for this, you simply cannot have this, this isn't for you, and-

There really was something wrong with him.

And maybe, only maybe, there was something wrong with you, too.

Because you believed him.

You believed him with all your being, you trusted him, you knew he would never betray your trust, he would do more than everything to keep his promises, you knew the word "family" wasn't just a sound for him, and you became his family, he did not just wanted kids and that shitty house, fuck it, that wasn't about the house.

All of that was only about you.

Making family with you.

Having kids with you.

Introducing you as his wife, being a father to your kids, calling you the mother of his kids, knew exactly that is your and his blood running in their veins, that's your common children playing in the garden.

And in his face, which for some reason everyone finds impenetrable and dispassionate, you read so much that your heart breaks, your breath hitches, your pulse skips a beat:

Simon Riley doesn't want this house without you. He doesn't want kids without you. He doesn't want any white picket fence, no garden, no greenhouse, nothing without you. It's all is just meaningless for him, if it's without you.

You are that one thing that makes him believe he's unstoppable. You're that one person for whom he wants to try, despite fully understanding how hard, almost impossible it will be. Definitely will.

The man will move mountains just for you.

He would fight Death, and he would kill it just for you.

That's truly crazy.

But once again, if he's crazy, then you are too.

"Okay..." your quiet voice sounded in the silent room, only the cozy melody accompanying your words. "Alsatian it is."

It took a second, stretching for years, for him to slowly, with the grace of a well-fed tamed predator, get up from the floor and lean towards you, giving you the most tender kiss you have ever felt.

Delicate as silk, sweet as chocolate, a touch of love.

All his feelings for you couldn't fit in one kiss. But he needed to try.

And as soon as you relaxed, trusting yourself to his strong, safe arms, loud baby cries came from the baby monitor.

Damn.

Simon pulled away from you with a quiet "Don't move, I'll go get the Princess" and you couldn't help but giggle when you heard him open the door to your bedroom and start talking like an idiot, cuz she just loved when he was goofy around her.

In one second, promises to make you perfect for his fat cock again, and in the second after that, rocks your common child while making hilarious noises to pacify her.

"Simon!" And when he, rocking your tiny Princess, looked out from behind your bedroom door, you said helplessly, unable to remove the silly smile from your face, "I love you, baby."

His gaze softened.

"I love you, too, mama."

Oh, this man...

Oh this man!

[vikkirosko]

i did read the rules for requests, but im still not sure if this is a 'do-able' request but im gunna shoot my shot and ask any way? So, primitively, i'm sorry if this is weird and convoluted maybe. I know Sollux is dead before the human players get to the meteor, but for the sake of this, can we assume its an AU where Gamzee doesn't snap? I wanted to get something done for a GN reader who shows up with their players and is just immediately overwhelmed with the amount of people around now after spending so much time alone and ends up just gravitating towards Sollux because he isn't loud or boisterous and isn't constantly going out of his way trying to fill quadrants with everyone in sight (i know he has more than everyone else, but he isnt *actively* doing it) and its just more comfortable to be around him than the other humans and trolls and just kinda watches him do his stuff. They're pretty quiet until they've got a question about his code or something going on in the background they don't have context for, so they aren't actually super annoying, but have accidentally made him their emotional support alien xD QvQ I just really like the idea of chilling sitting beside him and pretending existence isn't as doomed as it is.

I don't see any problem here

♊️ Sollux Captor ♦️human gn!Reader headcanons Peace and quiet 🐝

Starting the game with your friends, you expected anything, but not that there would be even more of you. There were five of you when you started, and then there were even more of you, because you joined a group of trolls, and now you just couldn't stand being in the midst of all this chaos. You lived alone almost all your life, and only your guardian periodically appeared in your house, and now you were among a large number of people and it was too hard for you emotionally. That's why you turned your attention to Sollux

He was the calmest of all those who were there, even Dave, whom you used to consider the calmest of your acquaintances, now made a lot of noise when communicating with Karkat. Sollux preferred peace and quiet, and you hoped that he would not mind spending time with you. Sollux didn't expect you to start spending time with him, but you made a lot less noise than your friends, so he didn't mind you sitting with him

You and Sollux were sitting quietly together. You didn't bother him with unnecessary conversations and he was really comfortable with your company, and you were comfortable with him, while the others continued to make noise and cause you stress. But gradually the relationship between you became more and more friendly when you started asking him about the code that he wrote, or asked about what your friends were doing when you didn't understand at all what exactly they were doing. Your questions didn't annoy him, because you didn't ask him very often about something and it wasn't difficult for him to answer your questions, especially when it came to what he himself was interested in

You didn't fully understand why yourself, but you were more comfortable with him, an unfamiliar alien, than with your friends whom you had known for a long time. But you continued to communicate with Sollux, becoming a friend with him that you could trust. You didn't understand the specifics of troll relationships, but you didn't need to. You were friends who were comfortable around each other

Your friends sometimes joked that Sollux was your emotional support alien, but neither of you cared much. He felt comfortable around you, he knew that you wouldn't bother talking to him when he didn't want to talk, and you felt more comfortable in silence when you were spending time with Sollux. He really was for you the very emotional stability that you needed when the world your familiar world was bursting at the seams

[remnantofstars]

Would you consider Tom to be quite possessive/ the jealous type? I know people think these are synonymous with romantic relationships—but they aren’t necessarily. I feel like Tom would just unlike Severus not for the whole boss-underling thing but just because he exists.

Tom seems like the type to have just a “special person” and the rest are obstacles.

OH MAN! So this might become a little of a long one to answer, because I gotta break down my thoughts on Tom without spoiling anything TvT He's not inherently possessive/jealous as a type. Not in the romantic sense or in relationships. I think with the way he grew, yes there's a lot of jealousy and trouble with possesings that are his and his boundaries that weren't listened to (I have zero confidence in that oprhanage as you can tell. Children in that time period were often treated as objects, and that has ramifications on their healthy deveolpment with their stuff, what they concider theirs, how they think/function, and the relationship with people around them. Unfortunatly Dumble didn't help a lot with that.). But that's not all he is, or how he approaches relationships. So yeah no, I don't beleive possesivesness/jaelousy is a romantic requirement, and can be rather,,, strange sometimes to make a requirment of a relationship. He's also, aroace in my fic. Same as Dakota. Their basis of a relationship is built on platonicness. Being afraid to lose someone isn't the same as possivieness. Jealousy can exist, but I like to think he's just like an cat. You know? Cat's who pretend they don't want all the attention but will be in your way CONVENIENTLY all the time for pets. The whole underling thing would definetly be more of a problem to Severus than Tom (I also don't imagine Severus particularly likes Tom as a person, vs Tom who can see his usefulness but doesn't tend to think much of him and his personness, I hope that makes sense?), it's a point on how their relationship is a lot to tackle, and neither has any interest for it. If that makes sense? "Special person"! Tom does seem the type! Between the two, Dakota has a better handle on liking people, and remembering them as full autonomisous beings (better doesn't mean perfect, he is in a fictional world, he's struggling with that and his own issues!). Tom doesn't care much, I've called him a practical person before and that fits on this area too. When he is forced to care though, like with Dakota because he has got to keep him alive, it's a special circumstances thing. So special person is rather apt, in ordinary circumstances it wouldn't be quite as easy to care. Dakota and him are object in motion (haha) meeting immovable force. I'm not sure If I'm explaning anything quite right. I just woke up after a full day of work and a lot of commuting haha. While Tom and Dakota's relationship is important, I hope people don't think it's the only thing that's important. They are still aroace, I'm not going to write them having a full romance or doing things couples do. So I hope people aren't expecting that, I don't want to dissapoint people over something I thought I was being clear on. There's a reason they're not tagged with a / relationship tag, mostly because I'm still figuring out how to write those two. But also because yeah, aroace. (this isn't aimed at you secifically, I love doing a bit of a deep dive on these two! I've just been thinking about it a lot yesterday and thought it was a ideal time to say that under here haha) Thank you for asking! I hope you're enjoying the fic, and that I sound a bit coherent :D (Oh god I yapped too much, I'm so sorry)

[clownery-and-fuckery]

More Nemec, Fireball and Howzer content, because I do that now(not complaining, I love them)

Howzer joined after them, but he acts like he's been around the entire time. Nemec let's him, he's not really picky with people pushing him around/bossing him about the place because he's chill like that. He'll pretend for Howzer

Fireball will NOT. Fireball will shoot every order back and pull rank when Howzer argues ("I opened the door for YOU. Nemec and I saved YOUR ass. Go clean my socks peasant") he has no problem making fun of Howzer. He thinks it's funny

Neither of them let Nemec get shoved around by anyone who isn't Rex (and on the occasional, Echo) if someone's taking advantage of Nemec's chill wave riding, they'll answer to Fireball and Howzer. They do not like people pushing their brother around >:(

Also, Nemec is Slightly Afraid of Batcher- when she first came around, he kinda stood far away from her like "🧍what the fuck is that" and when Batcher came up for affection he hid behind Fireball 😭 poor dude was shitting bricks

Fireball doesn't mind Batcher, but like Nemec, he doesn't do well with other creatures. They'll both gravitate towards Howzer when they're on planets with creatures- the bigger they are, the closer they stick to Howzer

(Howzer is just as nervous as they are, sometimes, but he won't ever admit that. He's always brave for his brothers)

Fireball made fun of Howzer's thigh holsters. I'm sorry Howzer girlie's, but I did too 😭 they were so chunky

Fireballs gotten the closest to recreating Gregor's wonderful cooking.

Nemec tried it and nearly burnt the base down. He was screaming, sobbing, calling anyone for help.

Howzer poured the Star Wars equivalent of cooking oil over the fire, and they really did nearly lose the base

Rex banned them from food duty. They're not even allowed wash the dishes. Fireball is POSITIVE it was on purpose to get out of chores.

I'm watching ep6/7 rn and can confirm: Nemec is definitely the younger brother of the group- my evidence?? Rex pushing him down when they were running for the assassin, Fireball covering him as soon as he went down, and Howzer's general attitude after the room went up. That's it, that's the evidence.

Howzer, Nemec and Fireball have taken on a few "shadows" on their own, but let's be real, they have the collective braincell of a powered down mouse droid- Samson is the one who handles it (I imagine he's a gen 2/3 clone) upclose and personal while Howzer rams them with stun bolts

That being said, Samson has absolutely punted a "shadow" across the room. He'd do it again in a heart beat.

While Nemec is great at gathering and sorting intel, Fireball is more experienced with description (cause he's older/got further into training)

^^ Fireball does teach him the ropes!!!!

It's pretty often for any of them to have nightmares about their brothers (namely Howzer) turning around and being a "shadow"- very creppy business.

Howzers a bit... pushy with questioning. With anything, really. He gets a bit wound up, lost in the guilt, he needs redirection sometimes

(Crosshair can't really remember Ryloth and he's genuinely unsure when to mention it 😭 he thinks it'll be Howzer's breaking point at this stage)

While Howzer and Samson are heavy footed and hard hitters, Nemec and Fireball are light on their feet and give weaker jabs in more sore places

Also!!! Cuddle piles with them are sweet. They don't get to do it often, but when they do?? Ough, they get the best sleep

I, again, probably have more. However, I think I've spoken enough about them for right now haha- add on if you have more!!!!! I love them :))

[cassatine]

Not sure if you've talked about this before but I was wondering since I see this brought up a lot in disscusions of the succession; does Aegon have a better legal claim to the throne then Rhaenyra? I understand Viserys didn't change any laws to make her his heir but the fact she was named his heir, clearly had some sort of a appointment ceremony that included all of the lords swearing fealty to her must mean something legally speaking?

hmmm well I have two answers to that.

First one is I'd say Aegon and Rhaenyra have equally valid and defendable claims, and that's kind of the problem.

Rhaenyra has the fact that she was declared the heir by Viserys on her side, and that a bunch of lords swore fealty, and it does have legal weight, oaths do matter in pseudo-medieval fun time land, and also she was declared heir over the then by-default candidate (Daemon), but Viserys did so when she was his only living child, and when he finally got other kids he mostly failed to really try and impress it upon people that yes Rhaenyra still was and would remain his heir (he 100% should at least have made her Hand of the King after Lyonel Strong's death).

Aegon, otoh, has tradition and precedent on his side because he's Viserys oldest living son. The Targaryen dynasty doesn't have a fuckton of precedents by then but Westerosi history at large does and they're mainly about male primogeniture, and while we don't have the exact specifics of the legal framework for dracocracy inheritance we do know it does favor male progeniture rules. but Aegon was never declared heir and no one swore anything to him and Viserys never gave him even the amount of responsibility Rhaenyra got or ever indicated he saw him as his heir to like, anyone, ever.

The question then is what takes precedence: the fact that Rhaenyra was Viserys' chosen heir and the lords did swear fealty to her, which does matter quite a bit in a (pseudo-)medieval context, or the usual, codified male progeniture rules, according to which Aegon ought be the one to inherit? Does the word of the King trump everything else, since at the end of the day Targaryen monarchy is more absolute than it isn't -- or is the law the law?

(and on that note, the question of what matters most is only made more complex by the fact that the Targaryen are not Andals nor even First Men and their own customs are generally foreign and weird to Westerosi and that, at the risk of oversimplifying, overall the more they go against the local culture the more resistance they meet, buuuut that's several paragraphs worth of analysis and i don't have the chops fot it atm)

And the answer to that is, well, that's up for interpretation. That's the thing about laws, they are interpreted by people, and often enough which set of rules trumps the other is not at all obvious. Does Aegon have a better legal claim to the throne than Rhaenyra? I don't think so, but I don't think Rhaenyra has a better claim either. It's a case for the courts (and, possibly, people who have actual access to the Westerosi legal corpus under the reign of Viserys I).

The second answer to whether Aegon or Rhaenyra have the better claim is neither of them actually, because it's all fake legalese, it's not what the story is about, it's not what the Greens/Blacks conflict is about and pretending otherwise is doing a disservice to the story being told, and lbr every would-be pseudo-legal scholar earnestly arguing that Aegon or Rhaenyra has the better legal claim is missing the point by a mile and offering nothing but a misread of the narrative and the themes at its core.

Like don't get me wrong, i love fake legalese, i have written a fuckton about fake legalese because i think it's fun, but it's frustrating that the fandom is still arguing over fictional legalese when it doesn't fucking matter, because lbr, in-story, if characters point to The Law to justify siding with either Aegon or Rhaenyra, it's largely bullshit -- it's the official justification for their choice of a side, not the actual reason.

And the reasons are many: some of the lords will side with Aegon because they're raging misogynists Westeros is Patriarchy Land, or because he has more Andal blood, because if Rhaenyra ascends the throne then that can be construed as a precedent against male primogeniture, which in turn can be seen as a threat against the established social order. Some will side with Rhaenyra because they think a woman will be more influencable, or because they buy into Targaryen exceptionalism, or because they think going against the King's choice is another, worse kind of threat against the social order, or even because they think making her Queen will go against the established social order and that it'll benefit them in some way or another. Some will choose a side because of family ties, like the Velaryon, or the Vale standing with Rhaenyra in great part because her mother was an Arryn, while the Hightower and other Reach lords prefer Aegon. Some will choose a side because they think it's the one most likely to end up on the throne when the dust settles, or because they think either Aegon or Rhaenyra will be the better ruler, or the more likely to repay their support, or the most likely to protect and encourage the Faith (or not, for followers of the Old Gods), etc, etc. As I said, the reasons are many, and very, very few have anything to do with what The (Pseudo-Medieval) Law says or doesn't say about who ought to succeed Viserys.

[the-least-undefinable-ordinal]

hello! in a recent post you ask:

what would happen when people realize there is no punishment for violent crimes?

this has an interesting parallel to a question i often see christians ask atheists which is:

what would happen if people decide there is no god to punish sins? if murder isn't a sin why wouldn't people just go out and kill everyone they dislike?

I think the responses to both of these questions are potentially very similar.

neither the police nor god even pretend to prevent crime, they merely punish it. its well established that increasing threatened punishments is not an effective method of preventing crime. most people simply don't have an urge to do such things and threats from the gods or from the state are mostly not needed to prevent such actions.

being overly concerned with punishment seems counter productive. providing greater quality of life, and stability that gives faith in a meaningful and worthwhile future is a much more effective method of preventing crime. its hard to say specifically how to address the crimes that would still occur after this, but it seems to me that the question should be how to redress people who have been harmed and how to minimize potential for future recurrences. i don't think punishment is a great answer to either of these questions.

i don't really expect this to full persuade you away from wanting to depend on punishment, but i do hope that this at least feels worth thinking about, and hopefully you'll be slightly more open to the possibility the next time you meet someone arguing against punishment as a solution for crime or social issues.

i hope you're doing well whenever you read this.

I know I'm setting the bar really low, but I appreciate the respectful way in which you sent this, police abolition seems to be a topic that riles people up in here I expected this ask to be a death threat or something.

I am an atheist and there are two main reason I don't commit crimes: I don't like the feeling of harming others and I understand the society I live in would be improved if everyone tried to follow the law.

Both of these reasons could be discarded if I was desperate enough, if I had to choose between going hungry and harming others I don't think I would be above the latter.

You mentioned that increasing punishments does not necessarily prevent crime and while I haven't seen the studies proving that, I don't find it hard to believe: if I was going to prison for stealing it wouldn't affect my decision too much if I was going 5 or 10 years.

However, I'm not talking about increasing or decreasing punishment here, I'm talking about the existence versus the non-existence of punishment; I don't know if there are any good studies documenting what happens when people know they can get away with anything, what I do know is in my city the police went on strike for a couple of days about 5 years ago and it was mayhem: the hospitals were overflowing with stab victims, stores were cleaned out (not just the big ones leftists love to brand as enemies), my friends had to stay away from the windows because they kept hearing gunshots.

Again, I don't have much hard data on this, but I am inclined to hope most violent crimes are commited out of necessity and the most effective way to prevent them would be to better the material conditions of the possible perpetrators; but this is an incredibly difficult problem and in fact one that hasn't been solved yet on a large scale.

The existence of punishment works as a deterrent, as it is in practice it's horrible and it is about reformation only in name, but it will be a necessary evil as long as there are people who suffer and are willing to cause harm to others to end or postpone that suffering.

To conclude, I don't think I'm overly concerned with punishment, I just think it's a necessary part of a flawed system with no known improvement.

[truearchangel]

@diistortion : ❝ if you live your life always afraid, always with danger on your heels, it is not so difficult to pretend away more danger. ❞

ㅤ"I'm not afraid." That is—not entirely the truth though. The entire reason Michael was down here, the entire reason he has never unpacked, the entire reason he has avoided Lucifer was because he was afraid, wasn't it? The questions he harbors in his chest, the doubt that he has, the terror of falling and leaving is other siblings alone in Heaven. Those are all things he's afraid of, are they not?

ㅤBut being afraid makes you weak and weakness is not an option for someone like him. It isn't something he is allowed to be. Being weak makes you make mistakes, it makes you cowardly, it allows for people to use you. To be weak is to be pathetic and Michael is neither of those things. He's meant to be a pillar, a foundation, a rock for Heaven. He is meant to be something that people look at and revere.

ㅤThat doesn't allow for weakness.

ㅤIt doesn't allow for mistakes.

ㅤAnd that is what he has viewed these questions as. His reasons for being in Hell, his loss of faith. Those two things are weaknesses and mistakes that he was down here to correct. If Michael can find his way back to the light, he'll manage to find his reason for being in the clouds again. His ability to protect the Heavenly realm. And then the danger will no longer be there, and there will be no reason to pretend away more danger as Alastor had worded it.

ㅤIf you are the danger then nothing else can win against you, right?

ㅤYet, despite that, his clothes still sit in a suitcase in the corner of Alastor's room. He hasn't had a real conversation with Lucifer. He hasn't answered a single question since being down here and it's been, what, five months? When is enough finally enough? When does he just give in? When does he finally look in the mirror and admit there is just no answer to his questions and he should go home? Or, is the problem actually that he doesn't want to go home? And that, honestly, was the real danger here. That he doesn't want to leave.

ㅤWhat a silly idea. What a ridiculous notion. What a stupid thought. Even if that was true, Michael doesn't belong down here. He wasn't wanted down here.

ㅤNo matter up or down, he was still an Archangel. The Archangel, actually.

ㅤAn angels belong in Heaven.

ㅤThe enchanted pen he was signing his documents with his placed down and Michael finally turns in the desk chair, crossing his right leg over his left and leaning forward against it. He had on only Alastor's sweatshirt he found, stolen from his closet like the thief he was when hiding in the Radio Demon's room. His own clothes needed to be washed anyway and he had to repack the suitcase neatly. It had gotten rather strewn about when he was looking for something to wear.

ㅤHe gazed up curiously at the demon and tapped his fingers against his thighs, watching the rather anxious looking man. Michael thinks Alastor is still a bit wound up from their previous conversation and to be frank—he's moved on already. A silly argument, something that doesn't matter. If Alastor wants to still have biased against angels, that was his prerogative. Michael has probably made a comment on sinners somewhere trying to unlearn the problems with them he has.

ㅤThey're on two opposing sides here, angel and demon, saint and sinner. Does he wish the other knew him better than that? Perhaps, but Alastor admitted himself multiple times never having much interest in other people. Maybe—he really doesn't care after all.

ㅤThey're just two people with very lack of understanding in social situations moving around each other with their shoelaces tied together. A mess that trips and fumbles over one another, not really knowing left from right and forward from backwards. They're trying, undoubtedly they're trying, but things just really aren't that easy.

ㅤ"Were you even talking about me, or were you talking about yourself?" Alastor fears a lot, Michael has come to realize. He seems to fear his own head, his own reactions to things, Michael's reaction to things and him returning to Heaven. Fear seems to be an emotion the Radio Demon is intimately familiar with but doesn't want people to know so. Understandable, seeing as it's a weakness. Someone like Alastor, much like Michael himself, they can't permit others to see those weaknesses in them.

ㅤBut they're definitely there, Michael has seen them.

ㅤSo the sentiment, directed toward Michael but about himself does make sense. A lot of their conversations tend to circle around to being about the Radio Demon. Michael uses it as chances to try and know him better.

ㅤHe has yet work out a cohesive understanding of him.

ㅤShifting back in the chair he stretched his legs out and rolled his shoulders up at Alastor. "I don't believe you're constantly afraid either, but I do believe you fear a certain amount of things and most of that is revolved around yourself. You fear your head and you fear your reactions to things, all rather understandable. But you won't get better, or get a more grasp on yourself, without letting go some of that fear. You cannot beat a river into submission, you must be willing to move with it's current."

[kiss-my-freckle]

I find it so annoying how in the vampire diaries fandom people constantly hate on Damon and love Stefan and Klaus despite doing the same things. Klaus is worse than both of them since he's done more awful things and has felt less remorse for his actions. I side eye when people claim Klaroline is healthier than Delena when Klaus made Tyler bite Caroline and right after he acted like he was saving her cause he fancied her. He also tried to sleep with Caroline while pretending to be Tyler. Damon gets shit on for the way he treated Caroline, which I get but he didn't abuse Caroline to the extent that hypocritical SE stans claim. After he compelled Caroline to let him feed on her there was no intimate scenes shown between them afterwards. They ended quickly after he compelled her to be okay with him feeding. Stefan was shown to feed on girls he compelled in a flashback where they were half dressed and making sounds that were explicit than other feeding moments in the show, but this hypocritical fandom doesn't think that suggests anything but they think the scene with Damon suggests something more horrid. Also what we found out about Stefan and his diary early season 3 isn't considered as implying something of that nature by Damon antis. Damon was the one who helped the girls get away from Stefan in the flashback and Stefan even told Elena that he was worse than Damon's present self.

I always look at intent and consideration. What are they trying to accomplish and is there a better way. I toss impulsivity out the window because I could tell you stories lol. I understand Damon. He has a lot of parallels that offer an even better understanding. His biggest problem sits in 4x23.

Damon can't let go and move on as Lexi tells Stefan to do with Elena because Damon believes Katherine is desiccating in the tomb. Letting go and moving on requires he find the tomb empty, and Stefan tries to deny him access. I'm talking about the same brother that was able to let go and move on because his love for Katherine turned to hate in his denial. Stefan was the only brother to "live" after they became vampires, one human life after another because he spent the past 145 years doing just that: denying. Damon merely existed because he suffered in his truth. It was real for him. If Stefan didn't want Damon to rescue Katherine, then he might as well have killed his brother in 1x13. Stefan forced Damon to become a vampire, and to live in a world without Katherine after Damon explicitly told him there is no world without her. And after forcing Damon to turn, he threw her death in his face... that's why Damon left him with Lexi. He killed Coach Tanner for the same reason. Her death thrown in his face - again.

Neither one knew about Katherine's plan to fake her death, so in Damon's mind... Stefan doomed him to an eternity of misery. He doomed Damon to an eternity by forcing him to become a vampire, and doomed him to the misery of that eternity knowing Katherine was to desiccate for 145 years. According to Stefan's knowledge, to the misery of that eternity knowing Katherine died in the church fire.

Damon's journal entry to Elena in her coffin... that's Katherine in the tomb. Damon's words after their dance in 6x22... that's him and Katherine. What would Damon be had Katherine actually given a damn.... happy. What does Stefan say when Damon goes to the prison world... Damon was "finally" happy.

Damon suffered without Katherine for 145 years, so Stefan had to suffer with him. Misery loves company. Who the hell wants to suffer alone? Elena being the border lurker in season 6 is every bit Damon, but she's quick to fix herself with Alaric's compulsion. Damon is a vampire, no one but an Original could compel his love for Katherine, and they knew nothing of the Originals then. Damon has been and still is stuck in neutral. Once he finds the tomb empty... he wants answers from Katherine for the same reason Alaric needs answers from Isobel. It's about closure. They can start over or end where they are, but Damon wants that closure because he's far past done with neutral.

Elena is the only reason Damon is able to move on... and she does it just by getting him into that tomb. She then made sure Damon got out before the seal was set to go up. 145 years waiting for Katherine shouldn't turn into another neutral. Elena is not a spiteful person, and she truly understands Damon. She not only feels his grief, she wants to alleviate it, so she hugs him. Very compassionate, that one.

Yes, Stefan admitted to Elena that he was worse than Damon. Stefan is in denial about that as well. There is no "was" for vampires because they're "still" vampires. "Was" requires the cure for vampirism. Stefan more than proves that. Alaric tries to explain this to Elena in the first season. He thinks Stefan is a good guy, but at the end of the day, he's "still" a vampire. Vampires are a toxic species, period. Elena doesn't believe Stefan to be worse than Damon. She loves him blindly and recklessly, only to have him rip into her neck. That's where she parallels her comment about Rebekah in 3x8. Blind to the vampire she truly believed would never hurt her. I consider it Stelena's fatal blow. Stefan's girlfriend died, and the necklace became Damon's. Just picture Elena's name on Stefan's Chicago wall and that all-girls high school around the corner.

Klaroline is nowhere near healthy. Klaus took over Alaric's body without consent and used him to kill Bonnie, Alaric's own History student. He planned to kill Tyler and Caroline herself - both only alive because Damon rescued them, killed Elena's Aunt Jenna, then literally killed Elena by draining her blood. She only survived because of the Damon-John combo. Had Klaus' ritual went as he originally planned, girls night wouldn't exist in season 4 because all three would be dead along with Caroline's friend, Tyler. That's Klaroline in the second season alone.

If Bonnie's to die, it's only because Damon wants Elena to live. If Matt's to die, it's only because Damon wants Elena to live. He wants her to get the life she wants. When Elena becomes a vampire, he responds in anger because he knows that's not the life she wanted for herself. He doesn't kill for more power. He drinks human blood and builds a tolerance to vervain. The only power he wants for himself is that required for survival. That's Delena.

Klaus is like Katherine in that regard. Not happy with the power they have, they want for more. He wants to be the most powerful creature on Earth, and after becoming the most powerful creature on Earth, still feels the need for a sired hybrid army completely fulfilling his every need. Because more power is more power. All of these young people dying or nearly dying because that's what Klaus wants. Damon just wants to love, be loved in return, and protect that very love.

Klaus and Caroline would never work as a couple. Caroline is too pure for Klaus just as Stefan is too pure for Katherine. Even the purest hearts are drawn to darkness, yes, but "drawn to" are the key words here. "Falling in love with" is a different story. Caroline would never fall for him. What Damon does in the show, Stefan does or has done. The Ripper wouldn't ask women permission. Without his humanity in the 20s, what permission is he to care for? He took... and I'm quite certain of that. Sadistic, what he does to the couple at Gloria's bar.

[galaxyzone]

Back at it again with the unpopular Quarry opinions.

I love Emma & Jacob's relationship, and here's why.

It's not because they're good together, because we can see that they have friction. Rather, I love their relationship because of their problems and their flaws. I love it because it shows that relationships are anything but black-and-white. They're almost never as simple as "It's a toxic relationship because one of them is bad and one of them is good." Sometimes, yes, it's more evident that one partner is toxic & abusive to the other partner, but a lot of the time it's very grey. I keep seeing people in the fandom either side with Jacob or side with Emma and tbh both bother the heck out of me because neither one of them is simply "in the right" or "in the wrong." They both have valid thoughts and feelings, and they both have their issues and flaws. Let's talk about it.

We'll start with Jacob. At first, Jacob was just another guy who didn't wanna accept "No" as an answer from a woman. He continues calling her his girlfriend despite her protests and her wishes to just be friends going forward. He goes so far as to sabotage the car so they can't leave and thus forces them to spend another night together. This can be problematic because it appears that he is not listening to Emma and doesn't care about what she wants. But then, when we see him crying down by the lake after the kiss between Emma and Nick, it becomes apparent that he really loves her. To him, they weren't just fooling around. He started to really fall for her. That doesn't excuse him for not listening to Emma's wishes, but it still allows us to have sympathy for him. He loves this woman and perhaps he could even see a future with her, so it hurts when she says that she doesn't feel the same way anymore. He pretends like he's totally cool with it in front of the others to try and maintain his tough bravado, but inside he's devastated. And you know what I really love about Jacob? He doesn't hide the fact that's he's crying when Emma sits down next to him. He allows her to see him in a vulnerable state. And that shows true strength.

Okay, let's move on to Emma. On the surface, it doesn't appear that Emma is too serious about.. anything, really. She also doesn't seem to be very cognizant of Jacob's feelings, saying that he's a big boy and he'll get over it. Little does she know just how much he likes her. It's also clear that she thrives off of having an audience, and that she isn't afraid to make a scene in front of other people. This can be problematic because it appears that she is acting without regard to Jacob's feelings. But when we see her on her nighttime walk after being left at the island alone, we start to see her open up and become more vulnerable. It's almost like she can finally let the curtains come down and she can just be herself. And it becomes evident that what she needs in life is to discover herself, and that's sometimes hard to do when you're in a relationship. That's why she broke things off with Jacob; not because she doesn't like him, but because she just needs to figure out who she is and where she's headed in life. Later in the game, she tells Abi that she likes to act dumb because it makes people laugh. She's not actually dumb, but that's what she thinks other people expect from her, so that's how she acts when she vlogs. But maybe it's time for her to discover her true self and bring that to light instead.

As we can see, Jacob and Emma simply have opposing wants and needs. They both have their flaws and they both say or do things that hurt the other, but they also both have endearing qualities and sympathetic wishes. They're both in the wrong AND they're both in the right. They are two separate, interesting characters with their own depths and layers. Jacob isn't "a selfish dick without a braincell." He's a love-struck guy who's led by his heart. Emma isn't "an attention-seeking ditz who leads guys on." She's a vivacious girl who lives life to the fullest. I love and sympathize with both of them, and I love the representation of a relationship with so many layers of grey.

[trashy28]

Get Some Rest (Tech x Reader) Pt 2

Warnings: anxiety, angst-y ?, mentions of death/near-death experiences, blood/gore, mentions of violence, fluff at the end i promise (i would say im sorry, but im not) (bet you didn't expect this right after a fluffy first part >:))

Pairing: Tech x GN!Reader

Word Count: 5.1k

Part 1, Part 2

Summary: Oh no! It's a mission gone wrong trope! I wonder what could possibly be underneath this keep-reading cutoff! It totally cannot be where the reader and the bad batch go on a rescue mission only for something to go awry leading to treating injuries, and feelings.

"Everything is going to be okay. It will be alright. You got this y/n, you got this." You mumbled to yourself under your breath as you hid behind a convenience stall on some Outer Rim planet.

Something had gone wrong, VERY wrong. The mission was supposed to be easy: get in, get the prisoners, and get out, but it had all gone downhill faster than you could say dank farrik.

-

Earlier in the day, Tech had tapped into a secure Separatist transmission when messing around with his datapad. The Separatists were broadcasting a signal from a supposed neutral Outer Rim planet back to their base only a system away. They had taken the native people as prisoners and were going to use them for something, but none of you could figure out what. From then on, Hunter had taken charge, deciding that there was no time to ask for approval on the mission.

When the five of you reached the planet, you couldn't help but whisper to Tech next to you, "None of this seems right. If the Separatists did take these people as prisoners wouldn't there still be ships and droids?"

Tech simply looked at you before saying, "Not if they wanted to be secretive about it," and going back to his datapad.

You let out a huff. Things hadn't been that different between you two after the kiss you shared in the cockpit of the Havoc Marauder. When in private there would be shared tender moments, like there was nothing in the world that could come between you two, but with his brothers, Tech would regard you as the friend they all viewed you to be. They all knew something was going on between you two, and you had even taken it upon yourself to rant to Crosshair one night. He said he 'reluctantly' chose to listen, but he had calmed your anxious babbling about how you thought that Tech was embarrassed that you two were something now. That brought up another fact about how you two never addressed what you could call yourselves. Any time you tried to bring it up to Tech he would either cut you off with something else he was wildly researching, or one of his brothers would walk in and need either one of you. Crosshair's words did help to remind you that "That's just how Tech is sometimes. Clones were made to be fighters, not lovers." Leave it to him to say something like that. Out of every one of his brothers you knew he was the one who wanted a normal life the most even if he didn't show it.

As you and the rest of the group began your walk from the Marauder to the closest town you found yourself falling into step next to Wrecker instead of your usual placement besides Tech. Looking down at you, he asks, "Something bothering you? It sure looks like something is,"

Looking up to make eye contact with him you say, "I still don't feel like this is right. Everything seems to be falling into place too easily. This never happens to us!"

Wrecker turns his attention back to the surroundings passing a glance over the open area before stating, "Honestly, it is a little odd, but I trust the others and their intuition as much as yours."

The finality in his tone stood true as neither of you said anything for the rest of the walk into the town square. Walking past the empty booths would have been enough to send normal civilians running at the sight, everything was ruined. Curtains torn, fruit on the floor, and vendor booths destroyed. It was a depressing sight to see, but sadly one that the group was used to, it was a time of war after all.

After a little longer of walking and reaching the heart of the city, Hunter holds his fist up and all of the groups' motion ceases. "Tech," he says, "Can you pick up anything else from that transmission or anything that could give us a clue as to what else happened here?"

"I'm working on it, have been since we landed. The Separatists have scrambled all signals, so it’s taking me a while to try and find the frequency again," Tech answers before looking around the surrounding area, "As for what happened here, I think the evidence speaks for itself."

Hunter sighs before saying, "Alright, we'll split into two groups to cover more ground. Tech, and Wrecker you're with me. Crosshair and y/n, I expect no arguments coming out of this grouping."

Crosshair scoffs as you roll your eyes and make your way to stand next to him. "Didn't plan for arguments but maybe I'll start a few just to piss you off now," you say as you turn back towards Hunter.

"Just make it back here in one piece, we'll meet back up here at 1500, and if anybody is late, we assume they have gone missing and this was a trap," Hunter says before turning away and starting to walk down one of the many deserted alleys.

"Looks like we're stuck together again Cross," you let out before elbowing his side and starting to walk forward.

Following you and shoving a toothpick in his mouth he says, "As long as you don't complain about your problems with your boyfriend the whole time this might just be enjoyable."

"Yeah, yeah, let's just get going you karking toothpick lover."

-

It had only been around half an hour or so of walking before you and Crosshair could hear blaster fire in the distance. You ask, "Hey Cross, am I dehydrated, or is that actual blaster fire?" Turning around to face the said man, he already had his eyepiece down checking for heat signatures and was pulling you by your arm into a space between two buildings.

"There's nothing around us, but I'm assuming the others encountered some clankers. They must have found something because well, we found nothing and have no one after us," Crosshair states before tilting his helmet down to you and reading your facial expressions, "You want to go back and help them, don't you?"

"Of course I do Crosshair! Don't pretend that you don't want to either, I know how you care for your brothers. Let's just try to make it back without alerting any of those damn droids," you reply.

Crosshair tilts his head towards a stack of boxes and towards the roof of the buildings, you were situated between. "I think I have an idea."

-

"Why the hell did I let you come up with the idea to get back to your brothers. Running from roof to roof isn't exactly easy and leaves us out in the open," you complain before hopping another gap in-between roofs to catch up with Crosshair.

Crosshair stops short in front of you on the next roof almost causing you to walk into him before turning around to face you, "Look, I'm just as anxious as you to get back to them, but they are all capable enough to take care of themselves and I trust them with that. You of all people should know that as well," he spits angrily, and could almost hear a growl with his final punctuation.

"I know Crosshair, I get that you are worried, but I just can't help thinking that something had to go wrong. Let's just hope that my intuition is the wrong thing," You say before putting a hand on his shoulder, "C'mon, let's make this fast."

-

By the time you had made it back to the town square, to your luck, you still had not encountered any droids except for the ones who were scattered all over the floor in pieces.

"Looks like Hunter got to work on these guys," you say as you bend down to touch the large gash left by a vibro-knife in the torso of a droid.

Crosshair is examining another droid with its head ripped off only a few meters from you, "Looks like Wrecker got these guys too. But the question remains: where are Hunter, Wrecker, and Tech?"

At this, you paused and drew your focus away from the droid and instead survey the area, "The real question is, why is there no evidence of Tech fighting back? There are no electro-proton bombshells and even no blaster marks on any of these guys."

"Maybe they split up," Crosshair looks at you before pointing down one of the alleys.

"Fuck, I hope you're right."

-

It didn't take both of you that long to find Hunter and Wrecker, but it also didn't take long for another set of droids to ambush you. That's how you found yourself pressed behind the convenience stall mumbling under your breath. You had managed to take down a few droids but were forced to take cover. The others were still scattered around picking off droids one by one just as you remembered that Tech was still nowhere to be seen. Your mind was rushing faster than you could've ever thought trying to find out any idea as to where he could have gone.

Suddenly the blaster fire stopped as you heard a final clank from a droid hitting the ground. As you stood up you looked around cautiously, and deciding the coast was clear you jumped over the stall to group up with the rest of the bad batch.

As everyone began looking over each other there seemed to be only one thought shared between the group. This was a trap and Tech was gone.

Trying to alleviate the sour mood the group was plunging headfirst into you chuckled before saying, "You guys can finally say I was right now."

The others groaned before Hunter said, "Now is not the time y/n, Tech's missing and we have no clue where the kark he could be."

"You think I don't know that Hunter?" You let out through clenched teeth before continuing, "I'm just as worried as you are right now, but let's get somewhere where we don't have to worry about droids ambushing us."

Crosshair let out a sigh from beside you, "They're right. We won't be able to help Tech if we're dead so let's get back to the ship."

Picking up what he was putting down you finished for him, "We can re-group our thoughts on the Marauder, come up with a game plan, and then retrace our steps. It will do no good thinking while our minds are in 20 places at once."

-

Back on the ship all of you had gathered around the small datapad you placed in the middle of the table. "Alright, I tracked Tech's datapad's last known location to here, but who knows if it even with him," you say before zooming in on the location, "We can't guarantee that it would be safe either, we all know the number of clankers they sent after us just to try and keep us away."

"As long as I get to blow something up and get Tech out, anything is a good plan," Wrecker says before heading towards the back of the ship.

Crosshair nods at both you and Hunter before getting out of his seat to go and follow Wrecker.

"I know you're really worried, you don't hide your emotions that well," Hunter says while placing a hand on your shoulder.

"No shit Hunter," you start while rolling your eyes, "I'm worried about what might happen if we can't find him, or even if it's too late and he's already gone. I don't know what I would be able to do without him."

Hunter gives your shoulder a reassuring squeeze, "It will be okay y/n. For our sake and yours, let's think positively."

-

The four of you had made your way back into the town square better equipped and without a problem. You had some of your own plastoid armor on now for a bit of extra protection in case things decided to take an even stronger turn for the worst.

"The signal from the datapad is down the alley to the Northeast," you say while glancing up from your own datapad.

The group nods back at you as you continue your way down the alley. It was quiet, the tall sand-colored buildings surrounding you couldn't help but make you feel claustrophobic. The other alleys were not like this. They had seemed to be more open, with a lot fewer canopies, but this one had canopies blocking almost all the sun. It also didn't help that it was starting to get dark.

As you reached another intersection, Hunter held up his fist to signify everyone to stop. A wave of déjà vu flashed over you, and you prayed to any gods that would listen that you wouldn't split up again. After a few moments, Hunter turned to you and tilted his head to the side, to which you answered by pointing your hand to the alley to the right. In a whisper, you add, "If we continue straight down that alley, we should reach another intersection. Tech's datapad should be there."

The four of you continued walking again and when you reached the intersection you couldn't help but let out a strangled sob. There was a pool of blood on the farthest side of the intersection that was smeared on one side. Rushing up next to the blood, you stopped mere centimeters from it as your eyes caught sight of Tech's datapad. Your hands were shaking as you reached for it and you brushed a finger over one of the bloody fingerprints. "Oh shit," you say letting out a shaky breath. How could you have let this happen; how could you allow yourselves to walk right into a trap? Now Tech was gone, bleeding out, or dead, and there was no exact way to trace him.

You see Wrecker's hands wrap around your own but don't register the feelings. Your whole body has seemingly shut off and stopped processing the world around you. Wrecker takes the datapad from your hands and passes it to either Hunter or Crosshair. You are too shocked to care as you collapse to your knees. Wrecker is at your side on the ground in seconds and pulls you right into him. The plastoid armor that would bring you so much comfort as you used to hold Tech close only burned as tears began to fall from your face. The air was thick with remorse and regret, but you couldn't hold on to the fact that he could be dead. After a few somber minutes recollecting yourself, you pushed away from Wrecker and pushed yourself off the ground, offering a hand to Wrecker to assist him. Once both of you were up and you had cleaned the sand off your pants, you turned towards Hunter and Crosshair. They were silent as ever, Crosshair had taken a seat on of the nearby crates and had his head in his hands, and Hunter had taken to looking at Tech datapad.

Breaking the silence, you spoke first, "We can't just give up and believe he is dead," startling Crosshair causing him to jump in his seat.

"Yeah, we need to think he's still out there, that the Separatist kept him alive for information," Wrecker added, backing you up.

Hunter had turned back around waving the datapad, "They were smart enough to keep his datapad here, but they weren't smart enough to wipe any messages on it."

At this, you scrambled over to Hunter's side and pulled that datapad closer to your face. Displayed was an unsent message to you that contained various numbers. "Coordinates," you say breathlessly as Crosshair joins the rest of you standing in a haphazard circle around the datapad. Adding, you ask, "Do you think those are the coords of the base where they took the prisoners too?"

"Probably," Crosshair speaks for the first time since arriving at the intersection, "Let's hope Tech's there too."

Taking Tech's datapad from Hunter, Crosshair begins off in the direction leading away from Tech's bloodstain on the ground, but also opposite the way you came. The rest of you fall into step behind him and continue your way to your destination.

-

On the way following the coordinates, all four of you were on high alert, but no droids had come to attack you, relieving some of the stress. It didn't help relax you guys upon seeing the droids surrounding a large sandstone castle-like building. Stopping at the crest of a hill a while away from the makeshift Separatist base, Hunter and you took to scanning the surrounding area, while Crosshair and Wrecker began to formulate some form of attack.

"Once again, I can tell you're worried," Hunter said as you both had scopes pulled out to try and find any weak points in the droid formations.

"And once again, we all are Hunter. I just hope we aren't too late," You reaffirm before pointing at a space straight ahead, "Look, they're rotating shifts. Maybe we could find a way in on their next rotation."

Hunter turns to look at you before saying, "How would we know when the next rotation is?"

"I don't know, maybe figure out what time it is Mr. Survivalist," you taunt sarcastically.

Hunter scoffs before saying "It's 1900, we could use the fact that it's dark out now to our advantage. It could help us slip in and out undetected if we want."

Nodding before standing up, you say, "True, let's go tell the others and see if it can play into their plan."

-

Once getting back to Crosshair and Wrecker, all four of you focused on a plan and decided it was best to split into two groups to help divide the droid forces. There would be no surprise ambushes by the droids, but instead an ambush on them. You and Hunter taking the back way in, through the gap in droid shifts you noticed earlier, while Wrecker and Crosshair would work on some sort of distraction from the front.

Wrapping up the discussion of the plan one last time before separating Hunter adds, "Remember, this is a rescue mission. Once we have Tech and possible other prisoners we get out as fast as we can."

You, Wrecker, and Crosshair nodded before wishing each other luck as they walked off from your position.

"You ready y/n?" Hunter asks.

"Ready as I'll ever be," you say back to him as you two make your way towards your position.

-

Once situated towards the back of the building, Hunter commed Crosshair saying, "The droids are about to rotate positions, on my word start whatever distraction you have in mind."

The two of you waited on edge while the minutes drew on. After what felt like forever the droids finally began to move. At this, Hunter commed Crosshair again with finality, saying, "Now."

From your position, you could see the blast from the explosives Wrecker had set off, along with the heavy concentration of blaster fire. The droids that were covering the area where you and Hunter immediately went to act as reinforcement to those affected by the blast.

Hunter and you ran from your location to the back of the building, quickly finding an open window. Pulling the window open more, you forced your way inside as Hunter followed. The room was empty, and most of the lights were off. Pulling out a flashlight you scanned it across the floor quickly before turning it off again to not be spotted, even if there was a small chance of that.

"It looks like we are in some type of living room," Hunter says before making his way away from the window and peeking his head around the corner of the door and into the hallway. "The hallway's clear, I would say split up to cover more floors, but seeing what happened last time I told everyone to split up... I don't think that's a good idea."

Nodding you made your way over to him to look out into the hallway as well. "I say we go to the basement if there is one. It would make sense to keep people prisoner there," You say before stepping foot into the hallway.

"Yeah, but the only problem is finding stairs that could lead to a basement," Hunter says while stepping into place behind you.

"It shouldn't be that hard, plus if Tech was still bleeding by the time, he got here, wouldn't you think there would be a trail of blood where they brought him?" You shuddered while stating the possibility out loud, just as Hunter made a noise of acknowledgment.

After what felt like hours of walking the hallways on high alert, and checking most rooms as you come across them, you staggered trying to stop yourself from walking as you finally caught sight of some blood on the ground. "Hunter," you whispered, "Look."

Hunter looked around your form to get a glance at what you were looking at, before shining his flashlight down the rest of the hall. "There's a trail too," he said while keeping his flashlight trained on the spots of blood.

"C'mon," You say as you grab him by the hand and pull him the rest of the way down the hallway.

Stopping at the end of the said hallway you are greeted by stairs to the left of you, and you turn to Hunter before silently agreeing to walk town together in sync. The stairs were solid sandstone, so you didn't have to worry about any creaky stairs, but you did have to worry about footing. Pulling out your vibro-knives at the same time as Hunter, you two started making your way down the stairs. The sight that waited for you and the bottom of the short walk would stick in your head forever. The basement was one single connected holding cell, with prisoners lined up against the bars trying to get a look at you. Some of them were crying, others wailing in pain, and some had fallen into silent spells. Noticing this, Hunter and you quickly put your knives away before you rushed to the gate with the main lock at it. While you made fast work of the lock and quickly picked it, Hunter had begun reassuring the people that we were here for help and that he was looking for someone who looked like us. With the gate, open people poured out in a mass exodus and began to make their way upstairs, without a single care of what could happen to them.

Once almost everyone was out, you and Hunter made your way into the cell where you were greeted with another terrible sight. Tech was there on a stone table in the middle of a cell with one of them, now freed, prisoners hovering over him. His armor was off and tossed to the side as he was only in his blacks, and he had a bacta patch wrapped around his torso. You rushed over to him as Hunter escorted the prisoner out of the cell and couldn't help but let out a sob for the second time today. Tech looked frail, and you hesitated to even reach out to touch him fearing that it would break him. You were immediately relieved after placing two fingers on his wrist and feeling his pulse. It was weak, but it was still there. "Hunter! I need some help down here," you call out before starting to run around the table to grab Tech's armor. Hunter came running back down the stairs at your call and once you saw him you continued, "I need you to carry him out of here. I'll get his armor, but we need to move fast before the droid realize that this was all a diversion."

At this Hunter makes his way to Tech's side without a word and picks him up and slings him over his shoulder. Grabbing the final pieces of Tech's armor, both of you begin to make your way up to the stair. Tapping the comlink on your wrist you hear blaster fire permeate through the room around you. "Crosshair, we got Tech. If I know Wrecker, he probably has some explosives, so as soon as we get out of the house, give him the word to blow this place up."

"Got it," Crosshair says before the comlink closes with a beep.

"Let's try a nearby window and get out of here as fast as we can before we tell them to set the chargers," you say to Hunter as you force your way ahead of him and into the closest room. Hunter follows you before grunting as a noise of approval. Making your way to the window, you grab Tech's helmet from where it sat under your arm and smashed it. Hunter gives you an exasperated look as he walks past you and out the window first, to which you only say, "What? It was a lot easier than putting everything down and opening it.

Once both of you are outside, you make your way to the location where you two started the mission. Reaching the spot a few meters away, you open the com with Crosshair again, "Crosshair, tell Wrecker to light it up. Now!"

Instead of getting an actual response as an answer, you could hear the various explosions coming from the area behind you.

"Nice work you two but meet up with us where we made camp before, it will be quicker to get back to the Marauder with Wrecker carrying Tech," You say into the com again before forcing yourself to walk in the direction of the temporary camp from before.

"Rodger that," Both Crosshair and Wrecker's voices come through the comlink before the transmission ends again with a beep.

-

The four of you, plus an unresponsive Tech, met up quickly and rushed back to the Marauder as soon as you could. Reaching the ship was a relief as Hunter had immediately gone into the cockpit and got you guys off the planet, and Wrecker took Tech to the bunks with you in tow with medical supplies.

Once Wrecker placed Tech on his respective bunk, you immediately rushed him out of the room and got to work. Removing the hastily applied bacta patch, you assessed the wound that Tech had got before he was captured. It was nasty at first glance, but you assumed it was even worse before he had the first batch patch applied. The cut ran from his left shoulder across his torso, coming to finally stop at the bottom of his right ribs. Luckily, the cut wasn't that deep, because there would have been hardly a chance, he would've survived that. Continuing your work, you cleaned the wound before wrapping it up again in another bacta patch. Standing up and observing the handiwork of your terrible medical experience, you run a full body scan with your datapad just to check for any other injuries that could internal. Thankfully, the scan came up negative and you could assume that Tech had just passed out due to blood loss. He still looked extremely pale as you stood there and stared at him, but some color was starting to return to his body.

Sitting back down, you grasped his hand in yours and looked at both hands together. As the weight of the day's events slowly started the catch up with you, you could hardly help yourself as you began to fall asleep. In a state of half-consciousness, you could've sworn you felt Tech's hand squeezing yours, but you were too tired to even process the notion that he might've.

-

The feeling of someone pulling your hand to their lips pulled you out of your nap and caused you to pick your head up from the side of Tech's bunk.

"Good morning Tech," you said before you could even process what was happening, but as soon as the words left your mouth your head snapped up and your eyes immediately widened. "Tech! You're up!"

Tech let out a breathy chuckle before trying to force his way up, only for you immediately to place your hand on his good shoulder and force him back down, "Nope, no getting up for you just yet. You had us all worried sir," you say while shifting your position to get a better look at him.

"I never meant to cause you guys any trouble," he says sincerely, "We had all got split up when those droids attacked us, and they caught me by surprise by sending in reinforcements."

"It's okay Tech, you don't need to justify your actions, you're alive and here back on the Marauder with us. That is all that matters," you say before gripping his hand again and squeezing it.

"Y'know while the droids were dragging me away as I was bleeding out, I couldn't help but focus on one thing," he says while squeezing your hand in return.

"Oh? And what was that?" You ask with a smile on your face.

Tech smiles back at you before bringing your hand to his lips again and placing a firm kiss on your knuckles, "I couldn't stop thinking about how I hadn't told you how much I love you."

Freezing in your place at the combinations of the words and the sincerity in Tech's tone, you couldn't help but find yourself smiling wider at what he had said. "I love you too Tech, too much. I thought I had lost you today but I'm so glad I didn't," you say with finality in your tone.

Leaning down to place a kiss on his lips you find yourself in a state of relief. Tech was back and safe out of harm's way, and he really does love you. Pulling away from the kiss, but still holding eye contact with him you say, "You still need to rest up, and don't think that kissing me will be a distraction."

Tech rolls his eye and lets out a groan before smirking and saying, "Well after I'm all healed you better make it up to me."

You smack his leg and let out a huff of frustration and as you go to walk out of the room you say, "We'll see about that one Tech. We'll see."

taglist: @bandaid-bunny @haloangel391

a/n: once again i feel like this is meh but i still dont know. i meant to have this done 2 days ago but almost passed out because of my second dose of the covid vaccine, plus i had a 6 page paper due so likeeee. anyway TAKE THIS right after the new episode, also if you guys watched it already... HOLY SHITTTT 🙏

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (08)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It's simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if...Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

"A future without you is a world without color."

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Series: CHAPTER 7 | CHAPTER 9

warnings: unrealistic court happenings i am not a lawyer ok mention of physical abuse, drinking problems, child trauma, mental illness, and infidelity. I want to build a whole new world in this fic that’s why i also didn’t research about divorce trials I’m sorry. OC is kind of annoying/disappointing in this chapter (?) or not (?) Young Choi Soobin of TXT is the kid in this chapter’s moodboard

Jeongguk was the ex-boyfriend Red was talking about.

You figured this out when you were at Seokjin's party. Frankly, the way your soulmate was looking at Red was already a giveaway, but then you had to confirm it yourself.

The only way to do that was to either confront Jeongguk or your assistant.

You chose neither and it was because you were afraid to hear what they would or wouldn't say. This being said, you resorted to your last option.

"Come on..." It was hard to sit on the floor when you're wearing a damn long dress, but this didn't stop you from rummaging through Red's personal things.

It's the middle of the night. You left Jeongguk at your apartment right after he reached his high.

You just wanted to teach him a lesson for being a brat. He was always so rude to you and you honestly thought that he was just in denial—that soon enough, he would realize that you two were really destined to be together.

Apparently, that wasn't going to happen.

You went to your office at one in the morning just to find something that would verify your speculation. You got what you wanted. The photograph of Jeongguk kissing your assistant confirmed it.

Your tears fell.

You didn't know why you felt betrayed. It wasn't like they wanted this. They hadn't done anything wrong. Fate was just cruel. Why didn't you meet Jeongguk first? You couldn't blame him for falling in love with Red—she was sweet, beautiful, and smart. Anyone would definitely like her, so you had no choice but to swallow the lump in your throat and accept this.

You just had to pretend like everything was alright.

It wasn't.

The divorce trial was near and there were still so many things you had to fix. Work was seriously draining the hell out of you and it wasn't like Jeongguk was helping. He was actually adding up to the stress you were feeling.

Jeongguk was giving you the silent treatment and no—it wasn't the type of silence you were used to. Before Seokjin's party, your soulmate was quiet, but not really. He would occasionally huff to let you know that he was annoyed at you. He would also stamp his feet and slam the door just to spite you.

You didn't mind. You knew he was just being a brat; however, things were different now.

After the night of Seokjin's party, Jeongguk changed. He was eerily silent, always avoiding eye contact with you.

You tried talking to him. Regrettably, you were only greeted by stillness.

"You want pizza, Gukkie?"

Nothing.

"Have you watched the latest episode of Start-up?"

Still nothing.

"Did you have a good sleep?"

Nope. Nothing. Nada.

"Wanna make out on the couch?"

Jeongguk's head jolted to your direction. His eyes were wide, cheeks turning crimson because of your bold statement.

"Hey!" You giggled, clearly happy with his reaction. "You finally looked at me!"

Jeongguk shook his head and then he went straight to his room.

You were unbelievable.

You pouted your lips, giving up. You had a feeling that he would come around.

He did. Days later, Jeongguk surprised you when he stood right in front of the door of your apartment. He was blocking your way out.

"Gukkie, I'm going to be late." You sighed. He reminded you of Miri, your cat that's always trying to stop you from leaving.

"You can't leave." His jaw clenched.

You let out a breath once again.

"Don't do this please. Mr. Kim needs me,"

The trial was happening today. You needed to run down a few things with your client before you go to the court room.

"You just don't get it, do you?" Jeongguk folded his arms over his chest.

You stared at him.

"I don't get what?" It was hard to keep your composure when the thing you had been trying to avoid for so long was being rubbed in your face. You knew exactly what Jeongguk was implying.

"—that you want me to drop this case because you want Red all to yourself?"

Jeongguk froze. What was the point of staying silent when you always knew what was running inside his head?

You just always knew.

"You don't have to pretend that you care about Soobin's well-being. I have enough people doing just that," you slightly pushed Jeongguk to the side so that you could pass through the door.

Ah, people.

They're all the same, always trying to conceal their self-interest by pretending that they care for others.

You liked Jeongguk—actually; you were convinced you loved him. He was your soulmate after all, but sometimes love wasn't enough to just give into what he wanted.

This wasn't about your relationship. This was about Soobin's welfare. He's just a child. You were a lawyer who swore an oath to protect the oppressed and incapable. You were their voice.

It sounded cheesy, but this was the type of person you aspired to be. The world was already dark, it wouldn't hurt to be someone's light.

Jeongguk didn't understand your reasons. It was evident when he showed up in court to watch you defend Kim Seokjin.

At first, you thought your eyes were failing you. Was he really here? Was he really the man at the back of the room wearing that big hoodie?

It was him. The familiar scowl on his face said so. Jeongguk was the only person who looked at you like you had offended his whole family.

"All rise!"

You turned to your client upon hearing the bailiff's demand.

"It's going to be alright," assured by you.

Seokjin smiled. He was looking at Red instead of you. He needed the comfort of his soulmate.

Red grinned back. She wasn't worried. She trusted you. She was certain you would succeed. Soobin wasn't going to be taken away from his father.

The first few minutes of the trial went smooth. You had your story straight and with the way the judge was nodding; you instantly knew she was in favor of your side.

Unfortunately, things started to go ugly during the cross-examination of witnesses.

Jung Hoseok was the first one to take the stand. He was the expert witness.

"You are the marriage counselor of Mr. and Mrs. Kim for months now, right?"

"Yes." Hoseok answered the opposing counsel. It was weird seeing him this serious. Your friend was always grinning, but you told him to try to keep a neutral face. This way, the judge and the jury wouldn't know if he was caught off guard by the question of the other side's attorney.

"Mr. Jung, is it true that marriage counselors rarely suggest divorce to their clients?"

"Depends—" Hoseok bit his tongue. You told him to simply answer yes or no. Be responsive to the question and never explain. "I mean, yes."

"And yet here we are..." Ms. Choi, the opposing attorney, shrugged her shoulders.

"Objection!" You stood up. "Relevance?"

You didn't understand why Ms. Choi asked that question to Hoseok when she's just shrugging it off now.

"Sustained." The judge felt the same way.

Ms. Choi raised her hand as if surrendering.

"My bad. I'm just curious, you know? If Mr. Jung is indeed an effective counselor, then why did he suggest that the Kim couple push through the divorce?"

Ms. Choi was furrowing her brow at Hoseok.

"Isn't that true, Counselor Jung? You told Mrs. Kim that it's better to end her marriage with Mr. Kim?"

"Yes." The expert witness answered truthfully.

The opposing side's attorney smiled mockingly.

"It's because you feared for Mrs. Kim's safety, right?"

"What?" Jung Hoseok was lost.

"Come on, Mr. Jung you know exactly what I am talking about! You found out that Mr. Kim is an alcoholic and you are scared that he might harm Mrs. Kim and Soobin, right?" Ms. Choi pointed at the five year old kid who was busy coloring books in the far corner of the room. He was with Seokjin's mother.

"Objection, Your Honor! Compound question!" You glared at Ms. Choi.

"Sustained." The judge clenched her jaw. "Ms. Choi, separate your questions. You are misleading the jury..."

Ms. Choi was flustered, yet she still held her head high. She knew she had the upper hand here.

"Is Mr. Kim alcoholic, Mr. Jung?" She tried again.

Hoseok cleared his throat.

"He had a history of abusing alcohol years ago."

"And you know this because you're also a licensed alcohol and drug counselor, correct?"

"Yes..."

"And Mr. Kim Seokjin also told you about his issue with regard to alcohol abuse?"

"Yes." Hoseok swallowed hard.

There were papers that could attest to Hoseok's claim. This was a win for Mrs. Kim. You could see her growing sarcastic smile that was directed at Red.

You inhaled deeply.

"Mr. Jung, can you please tell us the rate of patients going through alcohol relapse?"

"Uh, it's sixty to ninety percent after the first year of treatment," answered by Hoseok.

"I see. How long has it been since Mr. Kim sobered up?"

"As far as I know, it has been three years."

"Huh." Ms. Choi crossed her arms. "So is there a possibility that Mr. Kim would experience an alcohol relapse?"

"Yes."

"What's the statistical probability, Mr. Jung?"

"About fifty percent high." Hoseok looked dejected. He wanted to help Seokjin win the case, but he couldn't lie.

"I see." Ms. Choi was smiling as if she had already won the case.

"Can you tell us now the effects of experiencing an alcohol relapse? Or a slip?"

Hoseok's palms were sweating. Slip was one episode of drinking alcohol after trying to stay sober. Relapse, on the other hand, was the return to unhealthy behavior. Slip wasn't always followed by a relapse.

Hoseok also explained that there were different stages of relapse. Emotional relapse could cause suppression of emotions, becoming more isolated, trying to blame other people, and aggression, especially when they were confronted. There's also mental and physical relapse which included glamorizing alcohol and compulsive desires to drink.

"No further questions, Your Honor." The corner of Ms. Choi's mouth turned up upon realizing that the jury was in favor of their side now.

You had to step up your game.

The next witness was Son Chae-young. She was Soobin's babysitter. Chae-young had been living with the Kims ever since Soobin was born. She's a witness testifying against Seokjin.

Chae-young cleared her throat when your eyes landed on her. She already felt uncomfortable because of the way you were looking at her.

The way you stand up—shoulder down, neck long—was intimidating.

"You have a really nice necklace, Ms. Son."

Chae-young flinched upon hearing your compliment. She was confused. Mrs. Kim and Attorney Choi told her that you were scary, this was evident by the way you present yourself, but then...the way your eyes light up made her feel at ease. Your voice was soft too.

"Ah...thanks," regardless of your sweet persona, Chae-young still couldn't help but feel embarrassed. Why were you looking at her as if she was important? As if you were here to protect and not cross-examine her?

"Is it from Cartier?"

"Yes!" The babysitter beamed at you as she touched her pretty jewelry.

You smiled warmly at her.

"Did you buy it yourself?"

"Objection! Relevance?" The opposing lawyer clenched her fist. She was shaking, causing you to smile bigger. Guess she knew what was coming to her, huh?

"I'm getting there, Your Honor," said by you. Your expression screamed confidence that the judge was compelled to believe you.

"Overruled."

You continued.

"So...Ms. Son, did you buy that necklace? Or is it a gift?"

"Uh..." Chae-young's lips trembled. She was looking at Mrs. Kim, as if she was asking for her boss' help. "I-I bought it for myself..."

"I see." You nodded. Humoring her. "Do you have any other job aside from babysitting Kim Soobin?"

The nanny shook her head.

"N-No. I'm a full-time nanny of Mrs. Kim's son." Chae-young's lips were still shaking; her eyes were quivering as well.

"Hm, interesting..." You went closer to the witness. "That means you're earning what? Two hundred fifty dollars a month?"

"Objection, Your Honor! I still can't see the relevance of this!" Ms. Choi was losing her mind.

You turned to glare at her.

"Can’t you really see the relevance of this or are you just scared?"

You heard the judge's hit the gavel; she was calling your attention.

"Get to the point right now." The judge demanded at you. It was this or your statement was going to be sustained.

"I am merely establishing my point, Your Honor." Your voice was rough. "The necklace Ms. Son is wearing is worth four thousand three hundred dollars. I know because I have the same necklace and it took me, a lawyer, months!" You paused for a while just to emphasize the word months, "to buy it."

You turned to Chae-young when the judge remained silent.

"So tell me, Ms. Son, how can a full-time nanny like you who's earning minimum wage buy that kind of luxurious jewelry? Huh?" You were standing too close to the witness so Attorney Choi used this as an opportunity to object.

"Your Honor, she is badgering the witness!"

"Overruled." But the judge wasn't having any of it. "Answer the question, Ms. Son."

"I'm sorry!" The nanny's face twisted in fear. "Mrs. Kim bought it for me—"

"It's a gift!" Mrs. Kim blurted out, unable to contain her anger anymore. God. She hated you. "I bought it for her last month! It's my birthday gift for her!"

You smirked. Attorney Choi was panicking. She was caressing Mrs. Kim's hand, telling her to calm down.

Sadly, Mrs. Kim could not be stopped.

"Why am I explaining to you when you have no right to question my intention! It's my money so I get to decide what to do with it!"

She was yelling at you and it almost made you laugh. Why was she so defensive?

"May I remind you that you are a married woman, Mrs. Kim? You have to consider your husband's decision when it comes to spending that amount of money." You said this while glancing at the jury.

Base on their expressions, you knew that they agreed with you. This was a win on your side. One of the valid reasons of Seokjin for wanting a divorce was this. Mrs. Kim didn't know how to manage their assets.

You weren't done, though. You had to discredit the witness. You had to win the jury's side in all aspects.

"And you said you bought it last month for Ms. Son's birthday?" You shook your head, focusing your eyes at the nanny.

"Tell us, Ms. Son, when is your birthday?"

Mrs. Kim's face became pale upon hearing your question.

"January seventeen...”

You turned your attention back to Mrs. Kim again.

"Your birthday present is many months late, Mrs. Kim. Either that or you're just lying to hide the fact that you gave Ms. Son the necklace in exchange of testifying against your husband—"

"Objection—"Attorney Choi tried to stop you, but you cut her off too.

"Isn't that right, Ms. Son? You are bribed by your boss to say that you always see Mr. Kim Seokjin drinking alcohol—"

"Your Honor—" The opposing attorney was losing control, her objections were drowning because of how loud your voice was.

"Mrs. Kim wants you to lie! To say that her husband isn't a good father! That he isn't a good influence to Soobin!"

"Yes!"

You stopped trying to pressure Chae-young because it already worked. She admitted the truth.

"Mrs. Kim bribed me!" The babysitter sobbed, looking at you like you were the Lord and she was a sinner.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I-I can't say no, please...please...I need this job!"

"You bitch!" Mrs. Kim abruptly stood up. She wanted to attack you; fortunately the security officers were able to stop her.

The jury was surprised to see Mrs. Kim's violent reaction. You, on the other hand, didn't even flinch.

You were used to this kind of scene. Besides, you couldn't get sidetracked. You still needed to prove your point.

And so you faced the jury.

"Is this the kind of person that you want to raise a sweet, innocent five year-old kid?"

One of the members of the jury clutched her chest. She was affected by what you had said. Truthfully, they were almost decided to grant the sole custody to Mrs. Kim; however, upon seeing the latter's behavior, the jury was having second thoughts now.

"Just look at her!" You pointed at Mrs. Kim who was still seething with rage.

"She constrained an adult! Imagine the bad things she could force Soobin to do! Mrs. Kim is a manipulator!" You raised your voice dramatically.

"My actions are nothing compared to what that asshole is doing!" Mrs. Kim screamed as she angrily pointed at her husband.

She was crying.

Kim Seokjin was quiet. He was shocked by your responses. He didn't expect you to be this bold. You were different from the lawyer he thought he knew.

You didn't have any limit. You didn't know when to stop just to prove a point.

"He's teaching my son that it's okay to be unfaithful to your wife! Jury, please!" Mrs. Kim was desperate. "Don't let him come near my son! He's a drunken bastard!"

The judge was hitting the gavel again. There were too much drama and unnecessary comments from Mrs. Kim.

You shook your head. You couldn't stop now. The jury was undecided. They changed their minds from time to time. You could see sympathy in their eyes as they looked at the wife.

"Mr. Kim Seokjin is sober! You should be ashamed of yourself, Mrs. Kim! You keep blaming your husband when you're the reason why he turned alcoholic in the first place—"

"Objection, Your Honor!" Attorney Choi glared at you. "The attorney is assuming facts!"

You disagreed before the judge could say sustained.

"Am I?" You smirked at the judge before turning to your table to get your evidence.

Seokjin looked at you nervously.

"Please tell me you're not doing what I think you're doing," groaned by your client.

You were blinded by your role as a lawyer, so you ignored Seokjin's plea.

"Don't do this..."

Seokjin was already too late.

"I have here the evidence that will prove that Mrs. Kim is the reason why her husband turned alcoholic."

You brought out the printed photos of Seokjin's beaten up face. Bruises, cuts, and other physical injuries were seen.

The jury gasped. Attorney Choi was groaning as she told the judge that these photos were not entered into evidence.

You were playing dirty, but so were they. Ms. Choi told you that they wouldn't bring Mr. Kim's sobriety issue in this court. She lied.

"These pictures are given to me by Mrs. Kim Sunghee, Seokjin's mother." You glanced at your client's mother.

"She knows that her son's wife was assaulting him. Seokjin didn't want to feel his wife's punches so he resorted to drinking the pain away. Mr. Kim just wants to be numb."

"N-No..." Your client's tears streamed down his cheeks. He was calling your name, begging you to stop.

It felt like everyone was begging you to stop; even Sunghee was shaking her head.

It was wrong. This was a mistake. Seokjin's mother realized this when Soobin began to cry. He was silently crying at first, but when the little boy saw the photos in your hand, he started hyperventilating.

"Appa!" Soobin's eyes dilated. He could barely breathe.

Mrs. Kim stood up to attend to her son.

"Soobin!" Mrs. Kim was wailing.

Things were becoming messy.

You didn't understand what was happening, so you just stood there.

"Appa! A-Appa is hurting!" Soobin was losing it; his eyes were rolling in the back of his head.

"Call 911!" Red shouted.

The noise was deafening.

You still didn't get what was happening.

Seokjin went near you.

"I told you not to do it!" He shouted, snatching the photos away from your shaky hands.

"This isn't about me or my wife!" Seokjin continued to scream at you.

You were stunned.

Your client was blaming you.

This is your fault! Seokjin said.

You were wrong. You didn't have to bring out these photos because apparently, Soobin knew.

He witnessed how his mom used to beat up his father.

The poor kid was traumatized.

He had to get some help.

His parents thought he had recovered.

It had been years.

The thing about trauma was, it never went away. It was there—silently sleeping and waiting for that one thing that would trigger it.

You triggered Soobin.

"I-I didn't know..." Your voice was low as you stated your excuse.

No one wanted to hear your lame excuse, not even Jeongguk.

You looked at your soulmate once.

You looked at him desperately.

You looked at him hoping that he would understand—like he would comfort you.

He would never.

Jeongguk had this look in his eyes, the kind of feeling that expressed disappointment.

Jeongguk was disappointed in you.

It was clear because right now, he was shaking his head as if you had done the most horrifying thing in the world.

He shook his head before leaving you all alone.

No one wanted to be with you.

You were a disgrace.

[dasozelotvonnebenan]

OC Interwiev: Faladlain Farstider

Draw (or use an old drawing, don’t worry!) or take a screen of your character in an interview setting and make them answer the following questions!

This Interview is sponsored by @i-mybrunettelady

INTRODUCTION

Can you introduce yourself?: Of course! My name is Faladlain. Just Faladlain, the "Farstrider" is just on my books. I am 9 years of age and I've spent those nine years travelling the entire continent and writing about it. I have at this point written and published sixteen books, seven Traveller's Guides and nine City Explorers, the newest one being the Elonian Expansion. I am currently applying the finishing touches to City Explorer: Amnoon and already have my eyes on Palawadan as my next project.

What is your gender identity, orientation and relationship status?: I am a man, I am oriented in a north-north-westerly direction and I am currently single.

Where and when were you born?: Well the where is pretty obvious, and as I mentioned I was born in 1325.

What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?: My preferred fighting style is "not", but if I have to I have a custom made sword fashioned to look like Caladbolg.

Lastly, are you happy?: I am very content with my life yes. My friends joke that I always in a good mood because I walk too fast for my problems to catch up. Would probably be true if I had any problems.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?: I have thousands of siblings and a mother who is quite busy caring for all of us, you can imagine the drama. I've talked to mother directly, which not every one of my siblings can say of themselves. Twice actually. People not so familiar with Sylvari always ask how it is to live with such a distant mother, and what I think they don't grasp is that she isn't that distant at all. All the teaching and caring happens when we are growing in our pods, when we wander the dream. In a way us awakening from our pods is similar to a young adult moving out of their parents home.

Have you ever ran away from home?: That's the first thing I did after awakening actually. I returned about an hour later because I wanted to thank my siblings that cared for the pods and they advised me to stay in the grove a bit. Learn from my older siblings so that I don't venture into the world without any preparation. There isn't really something as running away from home with us, some just take off earlier than others.

Would you consider marriage or having children?: No. I don't think that kind of commitment is for me.

Do you secretly hate one of your friends?: This question is odd to me. I value honesty very much, and I'd always tell someone if they were really annoying me. I don't think anyone genuinely hates a friend. Some behaviour or view of theirs? Sure, but not enough to hate the whole person. Not someone you'd consider a friend.

Which friend knows everything about you?: Any that reads my books. I put enough of my soul in there that you could probably make an identical copy of me just from those pages.

ASKED BY FANS

Are you literate? Have you been to school?: I can obviously read and write but I have not been to school precisely. I awakened with that knowledge from the dream, as most sylvari do. But since then I have learned both Asuran and Elonian. I'm not particularly good with either, but it's enough to get by.

The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?: To count this as eerie is questionable, but the moment I first saw a map I looked at Elona and said "I will go there". I promptly informed that that would not be possible, I'd either be stopped by pirates, risen or the absolutely inhospitable land route.

What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?: That my books would motivate others to travel. I began writing them so that people could stay at home and still experience the wonders of Tyria, so quite the opposite. I have quite a dedicated group of fans, some of which try to retrace my journeys.

Do you have mental health or physical issues?: I've sustained a large collection of injuries over the years, but nothing that left any permanent damage. Mentally, well, I have been told that some of my travel plans are crazy. Climbing up a volcano to get a better view of the surroundings is a little reckless I admit.

What is your current main goal?: Travelling to Palawadan to write about the city, after that I'm not sure. I'd love to visit Fahranur, but the pact has it under lockdown. Oh and I've always wanted to write more about the Hylek.

CHOICES

Drink or food?: Hard choice. Drink I think. Hate eating with a dry mouth.

Cats or dogs?: Dogs. I've had to run from quite a few of them. Very dutiful animals.

Early bird or night owl?: I'm a duskbloom, so I don't have a preference. Though I am not often awake at night, walking all day really helps you sleep.

Optimist or pessimist?: I am very optimistic. And so far I haven't been wrong haven't I?

Sassy or sarcastic?: Can I be neither?

HAVE YOU EVER

Been caught sneaking out: Yes, very uncomfortable situation actually. I was travelling down the Lionsroad with a group of charr traders, and one night we were camping on the roadside because we didn't make it to the next haven before dusk. I had heard of a lake in the area which was unusually deep, probably connected to a cave system, and at night glowing skelk would swim closer to the surface and it would be a beatiful sight. It was a spontanious decision to go see it, and I hadn't mentioned it to anyone so when I got up at night and carefully snuck away -I didn't want to anger anybody by wakeing them- the night watch got suspicious. She thought I was a bandid trying to sneak away and alarm my bandid friends.

Broke a bone: My leg once, two fingers, my lower left arm twice and I have sprained sooo many ankles. Thank the Dream there's magic, I wouldn't be here without some quick healing.

Received flowers: Many times. Can't excape them if you are somewhat famous.

Ghosted someone: Not that I can remember. I mean it could've happened accidentally, walking away is kind of my thing, but that's not really the meaning of the word is it?

Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get: More often than I'd like to admit. Distant places have a lot to joke about that you never even encountered.

[leahseclipse]

The Reichenbach Fall: Aftermath - Chapter One: Happy Death Anniversary, Detective.

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x GN!Reader (With some Fem mentions)

Warnings: S2 FINALE SHERLOCK SPOILERS, Major character death; death topic, mourning, suicide mentions, depression mentions... (lemme know if I missed stuff.)

Summary: Two years after the death of Sherlock, what could be next?

Word Count: 4.0K

A/N: Hey there! I've finally found the motivation to post my Sherlock fic here. If you prefer AO3, click here :)

++

Sherlock used to call at midnight, he never cared whether you were trying to sleep, or if you were actually sleeping- he’d just call.

Sometimes to complain that technology was futile given the multitude of defaults it contained (his phone, for example)- or to talk about an article in a newspaper, thinking we’d be interested in it.

It’s been two years since the last call. No one could bring themselves to delete his number since; and I understand the reason for it. We all had some hope inside us, it was small given all the time that went by, but it was there.

We all wondered if he wasn’t alive. Movies aren’t real, so the whole fake-death scenario couldn’t have been real but we all thought “why not?”, it could happen. That was over a year ago, but I still believed it, I wasn’t quite planning on giving up; and when my phone rang a bit after midnight, I still had a glimpse of hope, each time.

That glimpse was cut short when I read the caller ID. It was John. I did like him, he just wasn’t who I expected to see, but I picked up the phone, just to not be rude. Voicemail is awful. “John? What’s going on?”

"I...I don’t really know, actually. Guess I...needed to feel less alone. I don’t even know."

“Hold on.” I glanced at my bedside as I put the phone on speaker before sitting on the bed. "...so, you couldn’t sleep?"

"Yeah, I’ve been trying for an hour, certainly because of..." He stopped, hesitating with his words.

Who else other than Sherlock would it be, honestly. The man’s always been in our thoughts, and now that he’s gone, we have to be reminded that he’s stuck in our minds. The only way to hear him is through memories, and probably some of us are afraid to forget what he sounds like through time. He wasn’t the guy to make documentaries on him, film himself- hell, he rejected every interview he was offered. The only thing we have is pictures, which isn’t enough.

"It’s him, isn't it?" I presumed.

"Yeah, Sherlock." He confirmed. “It’s the anniversary of his death, in two weeks.”

See, that was the kind of thing I didn’t want to recall as it made me think of what I didn’t want to accept, but at the same time, if I stopped thinking about that, might as well forget Sherlock completely.

"It kept me awake too." I admitted.”I can’t believe it.”

No one really does, to be honest. We all wish that it could be fake, that’s what we would need, even if it’d hurt to see him while we mourned all this time.

"It still feels a bit weird without him, even after basically two years."

“It didn’t seem right without him, at first."

"It took us a bit to get used to it, and still...I think I didn’t get used to it fully to this day."

"Neither am I, John. I don't think I ever will. Time will make the pain less...painful, but it’ll never erase him, he'll be in our thoughts from the moment we wake up."

"I wish it was all a dream. I hate to wake up and not see him. He annoyed me sometimes but...he was my friend."

"He was annoying but a good friend, yeah.” I said, “It’s just...not right. Nothing is right. I feel like everything has gone cold. I swear that I haven't seen a single ray of sunshine."

"It's probably time fooling around, I don't know." He said.

"It could but, when he was there, there would be some sunny-ish days. I haven't seen one since. He left, and it's like he took the sun with him, John. The whole world is falling apart.”

"I felt that too, for a moment. But, I don't really trust whatever I think about these days. I don't pay much attention to whatever I do."

"You should be careful though, I don't need you to die because you didn't pay attention out there. And before you say anything, there's no joke in there. I mean it, Watson.”

"I wasn't going to say that, trust me."

"You better. I need you there."

"Same goes for me. You've been of great help since…"

"Yeah. Since." I paused. "It sucks."

"It does.” He agreed. “Well I...I’m gonna go back to sleep, I don’t want to bother you all night.”

“You didn’t bother me, don’t worry. It helped to talk. I could even stay a bit more, if you’re not planning on going back now.”

“Alright, then.”

++

It’s like the weather watched me plan the day, rain is on time. It couldn’t be more depressing on top of me dressed in black, but I just didn’t feel like coming in rainbow clothes would be appropriate, even if he wouldn’t care how I dressed anyway, even if he’s dead, yeah.

It feels weird to go, I always expected this was all a dream, or that it’d just...never happen. He’s the kind of person that outlives everyone, and Sherlock was this kind of person, he’s always been that person. He even used to say he’ll always be there, that he’d never leave, and now I guess we’ve both made mistakes, he’s not here anymore.

I never thought that would happen, I can’t tell how bad I prayed to whatever god to wake up, but that did nothing but make me a fool, nothing changed.

His apartment remained empty, as ours, he’d consider each house he could sleep at, his. I remember that he stayed at John’s for a week, before having to go back as John was “not entertaining” enough because he slept too much- As if we got to sleep all day.

He used to think everyone was like him, barely sleeping, barely tired, because I don’t think I’ve had the opportunity of seeing him elsewhere other than a room full of piles of papers.

He did sleep, but not at night, it was kind of like a cat, throughout the day, when possible. I always laughed about it along with John, and he never minded, he’d either pretend to not care, or join the conversation, and I already miss this kind of talks.

They’d either be incredibly short, or extremely long, you really had to clear your schedule for an hour or two when he’d talk. It’s not that it bothered me, it was more the others, those who didn’t know him. They’ve always found an amount of weirdness in him, which I had when I was like them, a stranger.

I never thought we’d get close, I didn’t even think anyone was close with him, he seemed quite the lonely guy, very private. Even after getting to know him, he remained quite private, as I thought, he wouldn’t share much, even with John and Mycroft; but, it didn’t matter that much, we still managed to have a great friendship, and I’ll always miss it.

Not any person will be like him, he was one of a kind. Not anyone could copy him without being seen as a fool. Sherlock Holmes was unique, he didn’t copy anyone to rise up, didn’t take anyone as a model, he did it all himself, he was a model himself.

He didn’t wish to be like anyone, it was the contrary, everyone wanted to be at his level, have the recognition he had, the fame, all the things that made him known, that made Sherlock be him. Even I won’t find a mentor like him, not any of them will be better, they’ll all seem ridiculous to me, even if they have more experience than him.

Nothing will be the same. This world won’t be the same without him being here, he’s gone now.

He took a big piece of whatever thing, when he left, and whatever thing he took was a big one, because it left us all empty. The kind of empty feeling that won’t quite go away, we’ve all been so used to having him around so much that it was a habit.

And now that he’s gone, nothing feels right, even living doesn’t feel right. It won’t ever feel right without him.

I almost feel guilty for being alive, I’m not as smart as him, I won’t contribute to anything. He was the smart one, we really lost an important person and I don’t think it wouldn’t have changed much if I had died instead, people would just be sad, I think.

It wouldn’t be that bad.

His death is bad to the point that the world he left behind can’t function as well as when he was alive. The whole puzzle is missing, hell, the whole world, if I go out of the metaphor.

...Sherlock would have been the corners of it, the foundations of it, what made it whole, what gave a start to get the rest of the puzzle.

He would have corrected me with hundreds of better metaphors if he could hear me, I really suck at this. He never did, though.

In fact, most of his talking contained metaphors, it was his signature, his day couldn’t feel right if he wouldn’t tell at least one.Now the whole ‘no day without a metaphor is a bad day’ is falling on us, and nothing or no one will make that feeling go away.

It’s strange, and funny that he managed to create all of those special feelings, memories, that we only felt with him. Sherlock’s had quite the special part in our lives. He changed our lives in such a spectacular way, and to be honest, life felt less depressing, even if our job is full of dead people and mysteries that make our sleep schedule non-existent, quite rare.

He made us forget all of that shit, whenever he could. That’s why I looked up to him, and thought about him so much. Whenever I had a problem, I’d call him first. Of course, I did call John, and Mycroft, but Sherlock was like my emergency contact, he’d always pick up, if possible.

Somehow, he always knew the answers to everything, and when he was clueless (which only happened twice, in five years)- he'd attempt to find something close to it, and even if his explanations didn’t solve anything, I didn’t care.

It probably made him sort of happy to explain it, share his big knowledge, so as long as he enjoyed himself, that was enough. I did hope he did enjoy himself, I never thought about asking and now that I think about it, I probably should have, it’s too late now.

If he can hear me, a sign would be great, probably. A good thing if he enjoyed talking, and a bad one if I annoyed him? It’d be nice to know even if he probably won’t answer, he must still be working; I know it.

He would be bored if he didn’t have his face in newspapers and whatever case. I always said Sherlock not to overwork, but he never listened. I hope he’s not doing it right now, that man was a total workaholic, right to his last breath, he never stopped.

I just hope he’s okay, wherever he is.

He deserves peace, enough things happened to him, he almost died a couple times, almost lost us if we hadn’t survived all of the wounds and things that happened, almost lost himself because of depression- all of these could have killed him.

He would have stayed alive, but he would have died inside, I just know it even if he didn’t show it much. But he did feel, he did have feelings.

I know he liked us a lot, even though he didn’t show it much; he did enjoy living even with all of the problems he had so, let’s hope he’s not in pain, stressing, suffering, whatever feeling that makes him feel bad.

You can take it easy now, we’re taking care of what you couldn’t finish for you, we’re taking care of the legacy you couldn’t pursue for you, we’ve got your back, Holmes. John, Mycroft, myself, and whatever person you know will tell you everything that happens so you don’t miss anything. You’ll be able to debate about the events, you won’t miss a single thing of what’s happening.

Even if I have my pride, and don’t want to admit I’m depressed about you being dead, I’ll tell you everything, I know you’d be here to tell me how to deal with the death of a person, the whole five stages of grief. You said them to me so much that I always have them in my head.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

I’d say that I’m at the last phase, but a lot of anger comes in it. I still wish it had been me, sometimes. It’s not fair it happened to Sherlock. I just hope he’s not too mad. If it had been someone else, he’d probably try to talk some sense into me, get me to tell more logical things.

If ghosts were real, I know he’d tell me to stop putting the blame on myself, even if I don’t even know why I blame myself, we don’t even know what caused him to jump from a damn building. And even if someone explains it, we won’t know if it’s real no matter how much they’ll prove it’s the truth.

The only person that can tell us that is gone.

So, unless we don’t find...a diary, or a note, proving it all, we won’t know.

The last thing we’ve heard from him was an apology, the ‘note’ he left behind was the call John received, which means the presumed note I mentioned doesn’t exist, only the call does.

After leaving his note, he fell from the roof and he died on impact, his pulse was long gone when he reached the floor, and it didn’t come back. I didn’t believe all of it happened, even when I heard John telling it, none of it seemed true...until I saw the death certificate.

The whole world stopped, and it still is frozen now. I wish the grave I’m standing in front of wasn’t real, I wish that my eyes were betraying me.

If only.

“Turns out you lied, Sherlock. You left.”

I hate you for what you did.

“You could have explained all of this a bit more. Even if I would have preferred not to, I would have prevented you from dying if you gave me a note...before.”

I wish I had known, I should have known. He didn’t have to die, he wasn’t supposed to die, certainly not like that.

Not now, that wasn’t his time. He was supposed to die of old age because of natural reasons, after all of us. Outlive us all.

Damn Sherlock Holmes wasn’t supposed to die at 35 years old. It's too young, too soon, Too much to bear.

“What am I supposed to do now, I mean- what are we all supposed to do? None of us can replace you, we’ll take twice the amount of time you barely took to resolve cases on our own, you left us in a really bad situation, you know that? It’s not going to be the same if you’re not here with us.”

And I miss you like a little kid.

“You could have made us take classes to become a close version of you, at least. I’m saying ‘close’ because no one will ever be like you. Not even that detective that had 30 years of experience, he wasn’t even close, really. I’d say he looked like a newbie, next to you.”

I even started to lose the habit of calling him when he’s not directly on the field and I hate this. I’ve only known him for a couple of years, and yet, he’s going to be ironed in my mind for a lifetime.

That man, I swear.

He didn’t think that sticking so close to us, getting to know us, sharing things about him would affect us so badly now that he’s gone. Real gone.

It hurts to say that, I wish I could just pretend he wasn’t gone, but that’s not really...healthy? It’s not really healthy in the way that if I pretend he’s still there- while he’s six feet under ground would drive me crazy, it’d completely destroy the whole ‘acceptance phase’ I’ve been working on. He’s dead, and there’s nothing we can do to bring him back.

That’s what my brain has to acknowledge, pretending he’s alive wouldn’t do any good.

Sometimes life gets to an end, and we have to accept that. I know that Sherlock, his brother and even John wouldn’t want to see me like this- ignoring reality, building a fake world to protect me from the real one.

Hurting sucks. Getting reminded that I won’t be seeing him anymore sucks, but everything sucks in life, and that’s what happens when you live. You can’t have a perfect happy life with all the shitty problems, that doesn’t exist.

But even if this sucks, I also get to remember all of the great things Sherlock has accomplished, the hundreds of memories we’ve made all together, whatever makes me happy- but there’s still a lot of hurt to go through before being able to think about them without crying because I miss them.

I wish that could be happening right now, I must have filled an entire bottle of water with all my tears. It’s even worse when that happens at 2am after you wake up from a dream about them.

Speaking of dreams, I don’t think I’ve ever had so many dreams with him compared to when he was alive. It’s as if he's haunting me, and even if I like him, I’d wish he wouldn’t do that so often, a little peace and quiet would be nice, even if I don’t want that to stop.

I’m afraid I’ll forget Sherlock if I stop thinking about him, block the memories to prevent me from the hurt that comes with it. I don’t want that to happen, he doesn’t deserve to have his legacy ignored because of my stupid feelings that hurt, he deserves to have his legacy remembered, discussed about, shared, not to have it trapped in newspapers, or in a corner of my head.

I like to imagine him being proud when I do that, even if I wouldn’t have known he was. He wasn’t the expressive kind, but he liked to show he was proud of you through a facial expression, a word, whatever could be ‘decrypted’. He wasn’t as cold as people saw him, he was extremely kind, even if he was broken in millions of pieces inside.

But yet, he overcame everything and came back even stronger. Every single time. He was amazing in so many ways, and that’s why I wish I could be like him.

So much.

I sighed, adjusting the grip I had on my umbrella, as I squatted down in front of his grave. “Did you know we went through your closet yesterday? There’s really not a lot, your clothes are so...similar. We can easily buy the same to be ‘like you’. But I don’t want to touch them, they’re kind of like precious pieces you can find in a museum.”

I hope he doesn’t think I’m crazy because of that.

“And...yeah, we went through your place because we can’t bring ourselves to sell it, I don’t want someone else to live in there and ruin it with their own belongings. But at the same time, living in it would be weird, I don’t know. I can’t find an explanation, just that it’s weird, living in the apartment of a dead person. Kinda creepy.” I explained, looking up from my umbrella as I realized the rain had gone down, letting a few rays of a ‘somehow’ sun. “Look, the sun listened to me. It’s coming up so I can give my emotional speech full of hope.” I sighed. “I don’t...I don’t even know what to say anymore. Kind of ironic as I always have something to say.”

I actually kind of know, but I don’t want to say it.

He’s gone. No miracle will bring him back, but I’ve kept hearing John saying it, I heard him last time we came; and even though I can’t bring myself to say that, I want to so badly. That’s all I’ve been wanting to happen since you died, I don’t want anything else and I don’t care about love anymore even if you always wanted me to be happy.

You’re what made me happy, you were the definition of love. Maybe what I’ve been feeling was that but I never brought myself to admit it.

I have loved you since the first day, but you always said that whoever fell in love with you should find better as you considered yourself a forever loner, unable to feel and give love, but I know you were capable of it, if you had tried, I believed you could have done it.

“Look at me, in front of your grave, exposing the feelings I’ll never have the answer to, I don’t even know if you liked me back. You really took all your secrets to your grave, huh? What a selfish prick, you could’ve shared that, at least.” I complained.

I don’t think I’ve ever known someone that hid so much stuff, he really was a whole mystery to himself, that man.

We can’t even solve what caused you to commit suicide, we’ll probably never solve it. You were the only one that knew why, and yet he can’t just pull a miracle and live again for a few minutes as a zombie to explain. That would be of great help, even if I’d prefer he’d live again.

That’d be an awesome miracle, even better than what happens at Christmas.

“Can you do that for me, though?”

Just that, I won’t ask for anything else.

“Just one more miracle, Sherlock, for us.” I said, putting my hand on the polished surface. “...don't be dead.”

It’s too easy, you can’t be dead, Nothing can kill you. I know John, and a shit ton of people saw you fall, but...let me believe all of that isn’t true.

Just a fake accident, Do that for us. Please. We need you more than you can ever imagine, you were so important to us, you were family.

A reason to fight for, to live for.

“Don’t be, please.” I pleaded, as I got up from the ground. “I uh...I’ll be back whenever I can, okay? Work’s been crazy since you’re gone, it’s incredible. I don’t know if it’s because we don’t have your help, or because it’s always been like that.”

Probably a mix of the two, I don’t really know, it’s been complicated to think properly these days. Sherlock would be the one to help with that, usually.

“I’ll have to ask someone else, I guess.”

I still haven’t found this ‘someone else’, by the way, It’s been two years, I know. But I still haven’t found someone that can help me the way he used to.

He still remains unique after all this time.

“I’ll be on my way, then. You’re awfully quiet today, guess you’re not in the mood, so I’ll go.”

I wish I still didn’t have to say goodbye, but this is the only thing I can say when I leave.

The weather had even gotten better, as if it only rained to have a full dramatic effect, there was only wind, which didn’t seem to announce a storm, for now. The sound of the leaves being crushed by my feet as I walked was to be heard, as no other sounds were around, it was very quiet today.

The silence did feel weird, I never liked it.

Not when it caused me to think of…

“Got time to spare for me?”

...him.

“Sherlock.”

++

|Chapter Two|

[conaionaru]

He is complicated

Synopsis: Vanya spends some alone time with Ivar again.

Warning: Angst, forced marriage, mentions of rape, dark thoughts, Ivar, fluff (because why not)

Tagged:

@youbloodymadgenius @xbellaxcarolinax @heavenly1927

I don't own the gifs. Also, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it. 

After supper, Vanya steeled herself for what's to come. She kept imagining all worst-case scenarios and preying that she was just paranoid.

She hid the needle in her dress like planned and waited on the chair by the fire for everything to grow silent. The redhead sat in the same chair she sat yesterday. The chair to her left was empty, yet it still felt like he sat there watching her. Just like he did in the morning, he didn't compliment her as everybody else did.

With one last deep breath and double-check that the weapon was hidden, she made her way to Ivar's chambers. She kept looking over her shoulder as if one of his brothers would jump out and ask her where she was going.

Gathering all the courage she had left in her, she knocked on his door. "Come in." She opened the door and looked into his room. It wasn't that different from hers. A bed, chairs by a fireplace, and a desk. He sat by the fire with something in his hands.

"Come sit, why are you standing there?" He urged her forward with a wave of his hand. He looked excited, which made her curious. So she complied and sat down next to him—the same position as yesterday, only in a different room.

"How was your day, Ivar?" She asked politely. They talked at the table, but it was in Norse, so she didn't get much out of the conversation.

"We caught a boar, some rabbits, and fish." Ivar kept looking at his hands. That's when she noticed a knife in them. She stiffened, scared for what he would do. Slowly she moved her hand to the place where she hid the needle.

He looked at her from the corner of his eyes and drew in a deep breath before extending his hand to her. But not the one that was holding the knife. "Take it." He urged her, opening up his palm.

Vanya couldn't believe her eyes. Inside his outstretched hand laid a wood carving of a wolf with its mouth open. It was beautiful. "You made this?" She questioned just to be sure she didn't imagine it.

The ginger reached for the figure and clasped it in her hand, looking it over with adoration in her eyes.

Ivar nodded his head and looked away from her supporting his chin on his palm. His right hand played with the knife that he used to craft her gift. "I did it while my brothers went fishing. It's Fenrir."

Vanya looked up at him curiously, all thought of danger in the back of her mind. "Who is Fenrir?"

The youngest son of Ragnar slowly blinked like he didn't understand the question. "Fenrir is a giant wolf who will swallow the sun during Ragnarok."

"And what is Ragnarok."

"The end of everything."

Vanya watched him in shock. It was a sweet gesture to give her a gift. On the other hand, a giant wolf from the end of the world is not that romantic. Despite her thoughts did she smile at him.

The smile made him pause. It was broad and made Vanya's blue eyes shine. She looked breathtaking at that moment. She radiated pure happiness, wore a dress that complimented her, and made her red hair stand out. And the glow from the fire made her look like a goddess to him. Freya.

"It is beautiful. Thank you very much, Ivar." Even her voice was perfect. Ivar shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts and cleared his throat.

"You are welcome. I like your dress." Ubbe told him to pay her compliments, so he did. The dress does look great on her.

"Thank you. You inspired me to wear it." Vanya admitted shyly, looking away from him with rosy cheeks.

The prince's brows furrowed. His head tilted to the side, thinking about everything he told her yesterday. "And how did I do that?"

She wanted to dig her own grave at that exact moment. Why did she say that? What happened to being cautious of him?"Your eyes." She whispered, refusing o look at him., which works for Ivar.

His stony face was shocked, and his mouth was open. He didn't expect that. Neither of them said anything. An awkward silence overtook them. She needed to think of anything to say. "Can you tell me more? Of your gods?"

Ivar eyed the fire in front of him, not trusting himself to look at her. So he talked of his gods. Of Odin and his wife, Frigg, of their son Baldur and his death. Or the God of mischief Loki and his three children. He talked of Thor and his mighty hammer, Mjolnir. He told her about Freya and her brother Freyr. After she kept asking, he even told her how the world would end.

It was all so different from her religion. There were so many powerful gods and great stories. Their lying snake was Loki and not Satan; they had no Virgin Mary, no Jesus. It was so foreign, but so intriguing she couldn't stop listening. Recounting her faith is a sin that she will have to commit to the man before her. But God never listened to her. Maybe Ivar's gods will.

He talked of them with such passion and belief it made her envious. She was Christian because it was the right thing to do. To live a holy life as God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost command. Yet she never viewed her faith the way Ivar sees his. Perhaps the pagan gods are her destiny.

"Wait. Loki gave birth to a horse?"

"Yes. Sleipnir. It had eight legs." The seriousness in his face made her pause. He wasn't joking.

"How does that even work. I know he can change forms, but that is insane." She shook her head in disbelief, causing Ivar to laugh. She shot him a weak glare. "Are you laughing at me, Ivar?"

"Oh, I would not dare. You must have imagined it." He was teasing her, and she liked it. This Ivar before her was nothing like the one Sigurd spoke of. How could this man be a monster? She was right all along. He is only pretending. She is sure of it.

"To be honest, I was worried about what you would do today." This made him stop laughing. The stone-cold face was back as was the hardness of his eyes.

He stared at her for a long time before he looked away, offended. Whatever he was looking for in her eyes, he didn't find it.  "I saw you talking to Sigurd. He told you bad things about me, didn't he?"

Vanya gulped and bobbed her head up and down slowly. Her hand twitched to reach for the needle. He still held the knife in his hand. It would only be fair if she were armed herself. Granted, his weapon was more dangerous than hers. And he was a trained warrior. "He told me you killed a boy when you were a child. He said how you treated slaves. He said to beware of you. I told him that I don't see you as a monster."

The last sentence made him pause. "Why?" He wanted to know the answer so badly. Everyone saw him as a monster. A crippled, crude thing that no one loved except his mother.

The Saxon Princess mulled her next words over. He wanted her to be more confident. Say what she meant to say. She hopes he isn't regretting that choice now. "You don't seem like an evil man to me. You talk to me, encourage me, compliment me, and give me gifts. That doesn't look monstrous to me."

Ivar looked at her with an unreadable expression on his face. The stare took to long for her liking and made her feel uneasy all over again. He was reading her face like an open book. Looking for a sign, she was lying and saying these things to save her skin. "I am not a good man."

"Maybe not. But no one is truly good. Everybody sins. And you are a Viking. Your people are different."

"And what do you know of my people?" The question started her. It was simple, yet so complicated, just like him.

She nervously twiddled with her fingers. If Ivar didn't regret telling her to be confident, she sure was. "I know somethings from the attacks on our countries. How you steal, murder, and rape. That is why I was so terrified of what you would do. I know you promised not to hurt me. But... Not every promise is to be kept."

"Is that all?" Did he have enough of her? "What else did you hear?" Oh. Well that she could answer.

"You sacrifice humans for your gods. You share your women. You are descendants of the devil. Barely human. You eat human flesh and drink the blood of newborn children." Ivar sorted out a laugh at that shocking her.

"You think we drink child blood?" His chuckles were not what she expected at all. "You people are so creative."

After he calmed down, he threw his knife away and fixed her with a look. His eyes were shining. He shifted in his seat and exhaled. "I did what Sigurd said I did. But I would not hurt you. I told you I would protect you. And I keep my promises. I swear it on my gods."

Vanya nodded, feeling guilty. She shouldn't. She had every right to doubt him. He is a savage—a heathen who hurts everybody in his path. Yet her chest felt heavy. "I didn't mean to offend you. I... I am scared. Kattegat is so different. I don't fit in. I don't understand what you speak of. Your traditions and gods are new to me. I am afraid."

"You are going to be the wife of a son of Ragnar Lothbrok. No one will dare to do anything to you. You will no longer be a Christian a get used to our traditions."

"I want to learn your language. So I can talk to you. Talk to the people of Kattegat." Vanya leaned towards him eagerly as he raised an eyebrow at her confession.

"Why?" As proud as he was about her desire to learn his language, he and his brothers understood her. That was enough. There was no need for her to talk to anybody else.

"You said it yourself. I am to be the wife of a son of Ragnar Lothbrok. The wife of a prince should be able to talk to her people. Understand them to understand their problems. I don't want to sit by your side and look pretty. I want to help people. If I am to be your wife, then I want them to love me."

Ivar smirked at her and leaned back in his chair. He closed his eyes for a moment before he tilted his head towards her. He locked gazes with her and nodded. "Fine. I will teach you." Vanya smiled at him again with that brilliant smile and blush.

"Thank you, Ivar." The said man only waved his hand in dismissal. It didn't bother him to teach her. At least he had an excuse to spend time with her during the day. He could try books so that she could read the language as well. It was worth a try.

"I should probably go back to bed. The sun will rise soon." How quick time passes when she is around him. Ivar looked out of the window to confirm her words for himself. And indeed, the sky was changing colors already.

"Good night, then, Vanya."

"Good night, Ivar." And so she retreated to her chambers and laid in her bed with Fenrir in her hand.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay but what if we're really rude and say that he's getting up to leave/get ready to go to work etc whatever but she wakes up because neither of them are good sleepers so makes sense to me even if it's early] Jimmy: [awkwardly both getting ready cos she's got dogs to walk including his] Janis: [that makes sense to me too, fun times lol] Jimmy: [at least they've got the excuse of not wanting to wake mcvickers up for keeping this bit silent af] Janis: [and at least neither of you takes a million years to get ready either] Jimmy: [casual speed run lol because he can't get ready properly til he gets to his house if it's for work because didn't get chucked out in his uniform, when you've gotta come with him gal cos nobody will be up at his either so that'll be an awkward short walk] Janis: [when you aren't saying shit 'cos no way to gauge how much he remembers here remotely] Jimmy: [and he's not either because 1. rarely does 2. would remember being kicked out and then rescued but unlikely he'll remember exactly what he said or did and can't exactly re-read the convo in front of her in case he dies] Janis: [the only saving grace is you're both used to silences but this beats the usual in awkwardness so not really] Jimmy: [thank god when they get to his Twix will be extra af so he can just be like' tah' which we know is not at all a casual thank you and run inside like gotta go get ready BYE] Janis: [run off with that dog gal] Jimmy: [later so he's had to chance to take a break at a time when somewhere that cuts keys would be open and get a load more spares done] Jimmy: 🔑✔ Jimmy: no need to nick yours off you again Janis: 👍 Janis: glad to hear it Jimmy: I get it, saving lads from 💀💀💀 ain't what you're after Jimmy: must've been 💔 Janis: It was no big Janis: Bill might be 💔 though Janis: not really Juliet's role Jimmy: I'd say he'll live but bit late and rude Janis: 👻bants Jimmy: ain't your role now any road, he'll have to haunt some other lass Janis: now that's 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: something like that Jimmy: if you miss him that bad, chuck the script out and make yourself Romeo Jimmy: I'll be the lass who don't get a face or owt to say Janis: makes more sense 😎🤐 Janis: some edgy teen drama been there, done the rewrite though, I'm good Jimmy: I get it, you reckon the gay rumours might resurface Janis: no doubt Jimmy: the 👻 bants ain't worth it Bill mate Janis: bit rude Jimmy: I'll keep it 😎🤐 then soz Janis: unless you're changing your role too Jimmy: don't have the range, my dear Janis: there's your answer then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: the dog is more wound up than usual today Jimmy: last night were a bit Jimmy: didn't get kicked out for nowt Janis: yeah Janis: just letting you know Janis: take it for a longer walk, try to wear it out Jimmy: Alright Janis: Will he let you back in tonight Janis: or are you gonna have to wait Jimmy: can let myself in 🔑s 'll do that, like Janis: obviously Janis: but are you gonna need to avoid him 'til he's asleep or what, is what I was saying Jimmy: whatever I need to do is nowt for you to worry about Janis: alright Jimmy: I meant what I said, no need to 📞 you or an SOS or owt Jimmy: 🦇 about without looking for a signal Janis: I know Janis: was just asking Jimmy: if I said owt about him when I were being a drunken dickhead, it'll have just been bollocks Janis: you've said he's a twat plenty of times Janis: and I have met him so Jimmy: yeah Janis: you didn't say anything Janis: don't worry Jimmy: 👌 Janis: later then Jimmy: I just Jimmy: didn't mean for nowt like that to happen Janis: 'course you didn't Janis: I'm not that dick though Janis: what, like I'll hold it against you Janis: if you want to forget about it, then do, I'm fine with that Jimmy: I'm not calling you a massive dickhead, I'm saying I feel like one Janis: you don't need to Janis: your family shit ain't my business but it ain't your fault Janis: or if it was, whatever, yeah Jimmy: I don't just mean that though Jimmy: how we left things an' all Jimmy: all that bollocks before Janis: well Janis: I fucked it up so Jimmy: I did my bit Janis: if you really want that credit Jimmy: 🏆's a 🏆 babe Janis: only when you don't give it yourself, allegedly Jimmy: Oi, don't be quoting my rules back to me Janis: one for you and one for everyone else, is it Jimmy: I know what I said, weren't pissed then an' all Janis: I'm glad you don't have a #problem Jimmy: might do now I'm SO 💔🎻😭 after having lost my Juliet Jimmy: if I'm gonna have to put the 💀💀💀 work in myself, it'll do Janis: drove you to drink is usually reserved for marriage and didn't actually fake propose so that's on you Jimmy: the 🍷🦷 will put off 💀👑 and the rest of the lasses about but whoever Ian's with will be well up for it so that's his life ruined and job done Jimmy: can't help that the flatcap fits, girl Janis: if you're gonna kill yourself with booze, I'd pick something that tastes better than wine Janis: but I get it, you wanna be like Lucas in all the ways Jimmy: point's to be 💀💀💀 not have a laugh but alright Jimmy: I'll lure him in an' all while I'm about it Jimmy: not one to rest on my bloody laurels, me Janis: have your 🏆 Jimmy: fill it with 🍷🥳⚰ Janis: am I allowed to go your funeral or what Jimmy: why wouldn't you? Janis: people get weird 'round funerals Janis: Shaz might ban me Jimmy: far as people know we're still 💕's young dream so she'd have a job to have a go Jimmy: Bill is gonna be chuffed to bits by the attempt Janis: not if you steal her Janis: loudly declaring her undying 💕 over your corpse Jimmy: weren't planning to go that far, but Ian would be chuffed to bits himself by that so tah for the 🥇💡 Janis: why half-arse the job Jimmy: I said I don't have the range Janis: like you don't just have to lie there Janis: x2 Jimmy: fake dating you ain't prepared me to pretend I'm eager to crack onto other Sharon Jimmy: who's fault's that? Janis: suppose that's a compliment Janis: backwards one but I'll take it Jimmy: didn't reckon you'd fancy one the right way round Janis: yeah right Jimmy: right 'cause you said you can't hack it Jimmy: remember that bit, me Janis: that's convenient Janis: can all be selective with our memories, boy Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: picking and choosing what bits you want and chucking 'em at me is very Catholic school of you Jimmy: it were you who said it, so if you're trying to say either of us said or did something I need to remember after I chucked a load of 🥃 down my throat, go on Janis: I'm not Janis: you passed out like immediately Jimmy: 👍 Janis: did you think something happened? Jimmy: how would I know? Janis: 'cos you chucked a load of 🥃 down your throat so why would it Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: I don't mean you might've done owt, dickhead, just me Janis: not that desperate that I'd hold you to it Janis: but you didn't Jimmy: just desperate enough to have a one track 🧠 Janis: shut up Jimmy: I never said it had to be something like that Janis: what else would you mean Janis: were at my grandparents house, you'd know if you'd vommed or otherwise been a twat Jimmy: loads else I could say or do, isn't there? Janis: me and my one-track mind would have no idea Janis: what are you 😱 you said? Jimmy: yeah 'cause I'm gonna tell you now if I didn't then Jimmy: nice try, dickhead Janis: 🙄 Janis: you expect me to sit here and tell you everything you said Janis: didn't commit it to my memory, even if I weren't pissed Jimmy: no, just tell me what happens next Janis: 📖🖋 Janis: never my job that bit Jimmy: we're both off the clock last I heard Jimmy: we left it like we were never gonna have a word to each other again, then what you stop me 🥶 to 💀💀💀 and it's back to nowt? Janis: I don't know Janis: you don't owe me nothing, if that's what you're getting at Janis: probably wouldn't let many die just 'cos, believe it or not Jimmy: piss off, you know it weren't what I were getting at Janis: alright Janis: but I still don't know Janis: what do you want to do Jimmy: what makes you reckon I know owt if you don't? Janis: even if I say I overreacted Janis: not taking back that there was a vibe Janis: that was hard to ignore Jimmy: I'm not calling it a vibe but alright Janis: you think of a bloody word for it then Janis: it's wanky but it's a useful replacement for when you can't even, babes Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: so helpful Jimmy: I never said I didn't wanna kiss you an' all Janis: you didn't though Jimmy: it weren't as simple as all that Jimmy: and alright, I might have overreacted myself Janis: I get it Jimmy: can't we just Jimmy: go back to how it were Janis: when Janis: like, what part Jimmy: before you pissed off and I were a massive 😭 twat about it Janis: I can't promise I won't need to go again Janis: but I'll try to give you more warning Jimmy: like you said, family shit ain't my business or your fault, Jules Janis: got the role back then? Jimmy: do you want it back? Janis: may as well Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🏆 for enthusiasm an' all Janis: what do you want me to say Janis: you're not in a ⚰ I'm not being dramatic about it Jimmy: you saving it for the eulogy or the murder?m Janis: everyone knows murderers love a dramatic monologue so you've got time to escape Janis: enjoy that Jimmy: don't wanna escape 💕 Janis: n'awh Janis: just me, that Jimmy: if you don't wanna 💀💀💀 put the 🔪 down, mate, ain't me holding it Janis: truce, I heard you Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: alright, no funny business Janis: not an animal Jimmy: 🤏🦇🩸 Janis: part-time Janis: and can clearly control my bloodlust Jimmy: 💔 gutted Janis: give me time to prepare my speech, dickhead Janis: got a life, you know Jimmy: I've said it before, them 🐕 ain't taking themselves for a piss Jimmy: be why you were in such a rush to leg it a bit ago, nowt to do with me or your self control Janis: oh yeah, 'cos you were begging me to come in Jimmy: didn't hear nowt from you volunteering to @ my manager about why I were late if I had asked you in Janis: I'll @ him any time you like 😍 Jimmy: you and your 👻 kink Janis: love unavailability Jimmy: it's 'cause you've got no self control, that Janis: I clearly do Janis: you left that bed thoroughly unmolested so Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: such a twat Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: What are we doing in a bit then? Janis: what are WE doing or what are 'the couple' doing? Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: well, I know that lot are having a sleepover Janis: we could crash that, be funny Janis: but we can bail and do whatever after Jimmy: alright Jimmy: long as you keep the pjs on, been ages since they've had a proper outing Janis: just for you, like Jimmy: for 💀👑 an' all, she'll be fuming Janis: rude Janis: it is the dresscode Jimmy: 💔 I don't have a lace nightie or owt to chuck on and show her up Jimmy: go shopping for us, tah very much Janis: that's not fair Janis: how am I meant to control myself then, like Jimmy: if you're not up to the challenge, I'll dress down Janis: hate to dull your ✨ Janis: black for preference, no need to tell me Jimmy: 🖤 Janis: Sharon really hasn't left one at yours? Jimmy: if you wanna go looking for it, you crack on Jimmy: don't fancy it myself Janis: don't snoop through my client's houses, tah Janis: got a reputation to uphold Jimmy: Oi, don't client zone me Janis: well, you're the client's owner, if you really wanna 💔 Jimmy: some truce that were, lasted about as long as your self control Janis: what kind of mates don't have top quality #bants Jimmy: 💀👑 and hers Jimmy: so we'll have to calm it down in a bit Janis: then we won't be mates Janis: love's young dream Jimmy: we'll be both, just that #goals, us Janis: duh Janis: doesn't even make me a bit 🤢🤢🤮 Jimmy: good 'cause I ain't got time for a 🤢🤢🤮 break if you set me off Jimmy: and I don't reckon one of the cups'll hold it Janis: 😂 you're so dramatic Janis: make it a venti Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'm actually alright, tah for asking Janis: you're hungover, that's definitely your fault Jimmy: nah, I don't have one 💪🏆🥇 me Janis: I do not believe that even a bit Jimmy: it'll be your top quality nursing that did it Jimmy: or how you reckoned I passed out soon as Janis: don't reckon being able to make a cuppa qualifies me but I'll take it Jimmy: did you? 😍 works as a northern marriage proposal, that Janis: you were 🥶 and I know how you like it Jimmy: IOU ☕🍪🍪 Janis: TWO biscuits? Janis: who needs 💍 Jimmy: I'll chuck you a whole pack for the honeymoon Janis: that's indecent Janis: stop 🙈 Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😏 Janis: better Jimmy: nah, but there's a time and a place for 🔊 Janis: 💡 Jimmy: ? Janis: later Janis: is a time and a place for 🔊 Jimmy: goes without saying, owt we can do to 🔇 💀👑 Janis: won't take much Janis: try to avoid being at home, especially when they're all about Janis: but it is worth it to show my face just to see hers sometimes Jimmy: black lace number, I heard Jimmy: I'll bring her a ☕ over, have a think how you wanna ☠ it Janis: laced in lace sounds like a 🔥 summer read Jimmy: hang on, I'll grab a 🖋 loads of napkins about Janis: very fitting Janis: 🎨💭 Jimmy: [sends her a pic of whatever Jackie Collins esque nonsense he's written on a napkin once he has because he's a nerd] Janis: 😂 Janis: the 👵 that finds that will be way too thrilled Jimmy: long as she 💀💀💀 off the premises Jimmy: might not be hungover but I still don't fancy the clean up Janis: 💦💦 Jimmy: STOP Janis: soz Janis: that 🧠 strikes again Jimmy: such a way with emojis, you Janis: don't get too excited on the 🕤 like Jimmy: 📵 'll be your fault when 👻 manager floats in and kicks off Janis: who is working today Jimmy: now who's getting excited? Janis: I'm just making conversation Janis: so rude Jimmy: rude of you to use me to find out who you wouldn't be able to 📞🍑 once there's a phone ban Jimmy: sort yourself and your one track 🧠 out, Judith Janis: you're easily distracted Janis: not my fault Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: dead focused Janis: on your 🎨 Janis: maybe Janis: ☕ orders, nah Jimmy: sounds like a review the CG has had Jimmy: 😱😱😱 were you @notallkarens543??!!!!!!!! Janis: my real name Janis: you've been well off Janis: maybe if you paid more attention... 💅 Jimmy: if that's been a wig this whole time and it's stayed on, there's a shit load of lasses who need another Q&A Jimmy: and the talk to the manager hair reveal, obvs Janis: if ONLY your manager would talk to me Janis: all natural, babe 💔 Jimmy: I called your tan were fake, can't do it all Janis: not a casual bit of blackfishing Janis: be counterproductive out in the country really Jimmy: depends, might get a 💀💀💀 spot with a lovely view Jimmy: 🌳🌼🌻🐄🐑💩 Janis: from the top of the 🌳 Janis: beautiful Jimmy: the 📷 will TOTALLY be ones for the feed Jimmy: tah for the 🎨 you were a 🥇 til the end Jimmy: *muse Janis: you could pretend to mourn, bitch Jimmy: I'll be doing my 😭😭😭 at your ⚰ Janis: you can't even give me a little 😥 now? Jimmy: I could do Janis: you lied about not having the range Jimmy: I don't need it with you Jimmy: going for 🏆🥇 not oscars Janis: you got your 🏆 Janis: keep it up for the 🥇 like Jimmy: [sends her a 😟 selfie cos can't 😥 rn obviously but there you go gal] Janis: give the 🐶🥺 a run for their money Janis: don't reckon I like that Jimmy: [writes her an OTT iconic eulogy like maybe you'll like that better] Janis: okay 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: weren't the plan but alright Jimmy: 🔪💕😘 Janis: put the 🥇 in my will Jimmy: don't reckon I can accessorise any more as a 👻 already got the 😎🚬 Jimmy: and the ⛓ Bill's fuming I've gone a bit Dickens but a kink's a kink Janis: what do you want then, 👻boy? Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: a valid one Janis: you said you were going for 🏆🥇 Janis: now you've changed your mind Jimmy: I want nowt but your eternal 💕 DUH Jimmy: there's the 🏆🥇 answer Janis: I'm dead so that'll be easy Janis: what's the real answer then Jimmy: what do I want when you die? Janis: yeah Jimmy: be dead an' all, won't I? Janis: guess so Janis: if we're sticking to script Jimmy: don't you want to? Janis: can work with that Janis: when you're born with another person, get used to sharing Jimmy: weren't what I asked Jimmy: I said what do you want Janis: I just wanna Jimmy: what? Janis: see you again Janis: and it be alright Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: I will be for fucking ages Janis: are you sure Jimmy: unless you wanna give the 👮🚔 a bell and dob my manager in for giving me more hours than he's legally meant to Jimmy: then I'll come to you, like Janis: 'how do I know? well I stalk his schedule soooo' Janis: tell 'em I'm 💀👑 Janis: 2 🐦 1 ☄️ Jimmy: put a silver 🥄 in your mouth, that'll sort the accent and attitude right out Janis: have to swing by to get one Jimmy: is the sleepover at her house or what? Janis: ours, unfortunately Jimmy: middle of nowt so no dickheads can hear them 😱😱😱 I get it Janis: it's probably some weird punishment thing for Gracie but their kinks ain't no interest of mine Jimmy: very Catholic school of 💀👑 we're full ⚫️ here OMG Janis: if you need to put your phone away, you can just say 👋 Jimmy: if you want me to 🤐 you can just say 🖕 Janis: 😏 Janis: I would Jimmy: go on Janis: I don't Jimmy: alright Janis: I'm gonna come in for my lunch Janis: in a bit Jimmy: I'll make you something that's not 🤢 Janis: very thoughtful 💘 Jimmy: just don't wanna have to clean up after you if you 🤮 Jimmy: well selfish, me Janis: alright Janis: you hate me, no need to drive the point home with 🤮 Jimmy: I don't Janis: ambivalent then Janis: even ruder Jimmy: it's all about the tip jar, girl, you've been told before now Janis: @notallkarens543 only gives tips in the form of advice, hun Jimmy: steady on, you ain't tasted nowt yet Janis: filth, you are Jimmy: you wish, hun Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 I'll crank up Classic FM for you, babes Janis: depends who else is on shift Jimmy: I get it, that's why you're coming in, no need to pretend you're starving Janis: you could've just told me, awkward Janis: now I have to 👀 for myself Jimmy: you ain't told me who you wanna 👀 Jimmy: bit rude to expect me to 🧠📖 Janis: maybe it's who I don't wanna 👀 Janis: not the only one getting shit reviews Jimmy: I know for a fact the manager reckons you're 🥇 Janis: yeah right Janis: he only communicates in knocks and passive-aggressive emails Jimmy: and he said he hopes each email finds you well Jimmy: fuck's sake, what more do you want, bighead? Janis: for him to personally make me a latte, DUH Jimmy: drink it and I'm haunting a different lass Janis: 😏 Janis: I'd sooner die Jimmy: not letting him do them honours either, soz Janis: you jealous? Jimmy: that what you're after? Janis: nah Jimmy: just the latte then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just be stupid if you were Jimmy: and what, I never do owt stupid? Janis: nah Jimmy: I'd sooner die than be that 🤓 mate Janis: good thing you're client-zoned Jimmy: is it? Janis: be rude of you to die before you make my lunch, so yes Jimmy: oi Janis: what? 😇 Jimmy: 1. don't be spreading lies about my image 2. or yours  3. could be 💀💀💀 and still make you a 🥇 lunch Janis: 1. everyone knows you're 🥇 barista boy 2. do you really need me to tweet it too? Jimmy: not my job to tell you how to be 😇 Janis: we don't want to lay it on too thick Janis: the sleepover posts will be A LOT Jimmy: good shout, she will have us trapped once the 🚍 stop Janis: we'll leave before the communal 🤮 sesh Janis: I got you Jimmy: tah Janis: what do you actually want to do after Jimmy: what do you wanna do? Jimmy: I ruined whatever plans you had last night before coming to my rescue Janis: yeah, my social calendar is crazy, as you well know Jimmy: I know you don't sleep 🧛 girl so my pisshead 😴 must've done your head in Janis: I got a bit Janis: you were almost cute Jimmy: shut up Janis: I'm being nice Jimmy: what for? Janis: 'cos you hate it, obvs Jimmy: answer my other question then Janis: what do I wanna do? Janis: I don't care Jimmy: so helpful, you Janis: I just wanna hang out with you, alright Janis: we'll think of something Jimmy: 🐄 tipping Janis: 😂 Janis: okay Jimmy: dunno what else you'd do in the country Janis: plenty of shit Janis: there's no fucker about, like you said Jimmy: go on Janis: we've got a barn, with loads of shit in Janis: or there's plenty of other places I know to explore Jimmy: we'll have to fight the tall one for it, sounds like a prime tik tok location tbh Janis: I don't fancy your chances Janis: let me handle it Jimmy: you 🥊🦘 and I'll 👀🍿 Janis: long as you don't enjoy it too much Jimmy: only your win, babe Jimmy: that's the kind of fake boyfriend I am Janis: very #goals Janis: me, obvs 💪 Jimmy: yeah, very 💪🥇🏆 you Janis: say it like you mean it Jimmy: [a voice memo because when does he ever do any work when he could be flirting with the bae] Janis: more like it Janis: [👍 selfie] Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: idiot Jimmy: take the compliment, dickhead Janis: give us a real one and I'll really try Jimmy: not about to piss off into the middle of nowt with anyone else, don't get nowt realer than that Jimmy: as compliments go Janis: alright Janis: fair enough Janis: won't let you get murdered Jimmy: crack on with that and I'll tell you how fit and mysterious you are Janis: you worked out what I really want Jimmy: nah, I just like saying it Jimmy: selfish, remember Janis: I'm alright with that Jimmy: I might let you get a word in if there's owt you wanna say an' all Janis: maybe Janis: I'll have a 💭 Jimmy: might let you get a 💭 in Janis: bold to say I won't be able to use my 🧠 around you Janis: it's very focused Jimmy: on the one track, I heard Janis: you can get on it Janis: not gonna tie you to it though, like Jimmy: 🚫⛓? Count me out, Janet Janis: fine Janis: bring your cuffs, pig Jimmy: Alright, stop begging Janis: how am I gonna be the one begging Jimmy: please'll be one of the words I let you get in, that'll be how Janis: do you want me to beg or not, you're confusing me Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: what are you begging for? Janis: guess we'll see Jimmy: yeah Janis: doubt I'll be begging for whatever food you rustle up, however hard you brag Jimmy: only so much I can do, even going off menu Janis: don't talk it down now Janis: well excited Jimmy: not gonna lie to you, not that dickhead Janis: it's just exaggerating and all lads do it Jimmy: lads who need to Jimmy: don't be #ithappenstoeveryone @ me Janis: 😏🤐 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I ain't gonna bullshit either Janis: so can't say that about you, like Jimmy: even though I'm client zoned? 💕 Janis: yeah Janis: though not handing out top reviews so you can convince other bitches, obvs Jimmy: you're alright, I'll leave 'em to you Janis: piss off Janis: I'm avoiding the gay rumours resurfacing, that's the only reason we're mates again Jimmy: 🐕🏃 were all I meant, calm yourself Janis: hmm Janis: you not gonna open your own rival business then? Jimmy: that one track 🧠's a bit suspicious Jimmy: and if I bother, you said I could do Janis: you're just a well-known dickhead Janis: yeah, you can, why I was asking Jimmy: this well known dickhead has got a fair bit on so I dunno Jimmy: might give it a go when your other 👻 bf sacks me Janis: yeah, I dunno when you'd sleep Jimmy: whenever I next chuck 🥃 down my throat, probably Jimmy: do my best to avoid giving you a 📞 though Janis: now you have a key, can put yourself to bed Janis: bit rude to only 📞 when there's none left in the bottle Jimmy: I'll bring you what's left of Ian's stash, can't be going to the sleepover in my uniform Jimmy: 💀👑 would lose herself Janis: true Janis: already gonna be the height of hysteria as there are no males in my house Janis: not even the gay brother Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: is your fit mum at least gonna be there? Janis: I don't know Janis: she's probably going to be out getting over Ian not wanting to date her Jimmy: 🍻 Jimmy: he's nowt if not a bloody catch, him Janis: I know Janis: absolutely devastated Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: alright for you, stuck with the delight that is by 🩸 Jimmy: any time you wanna be stuck with him by 👰💍🤵 Jimmy: have a crack at either of us Janis: tah Janis: won't go for the little one, not that weird Jimmy: he does like you, mate, but a good shout to assume not like that Janis: yeah, and he's cute, but not like that Janis: more the little fucker they make carry the rings Jimmy: he'd do a top speech an' all Janis: get to slag off all the guests Janis: and me if I don't learn fast enough Jimmy: give you another lesson in a bit, we can slag off the sleepover guests all you like then Janis: good idea Janis: need something to do whilst they're planning the fake wedding Jimmy: and something to do with your hands, that 🧠 being how it is Jimmy: I get it Janis: and you've done nothing to make it worse, of course Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: dunno what you've heard Janis: it's what you wanna hear Jimmy: dunno what you mean by that Jimmy: just a poor lad cracking on with his latte 🎨 finding #inspo round and about Janis: 👌 Janis: inspirational Jimmy: you are Janis: smooth 💘 Jimmy: you're not wrong but neither am I Janis: you reckon your manager would let me have a go with the latte 🎨> Janis: ?* Jimmy: if he says no, I'll let you when he ain't about Janis: 🙌 Janis: buzzin' for that Jimmy: what you gonna ✏️? Janis: I know how to do ☘ with Guinness taps Janis: so, gonna apply that knowledge and give it a go Jimmy: fuck 🤓 flirting we've progressed to full paddy 💕😘 Janis: I know, well impressive Janis: perks of grandpa having a pub Janis: 🎱🎯🍻 Jimmy: I were gonna give you a compliment then but you can't be that talented if you've never taken me to have a go Janis: 1. he could long since be dead and the pub gone 2. we've been to a pub together 3. no excuses left now, like Jimmy: 1. 👻🎱🎯🍻 2. that quiz bollocks were together not vs Janis: 1. insensitive prick 2. alright that's what we'll do then, when we're not 🛌 Jimmy: 1. mine are and you don't see me 😭 and won't til I call into work for a fake ⚰ 2. alright then, let my 💅 dry and we'll be off Janis: 1. how old did they make they can't have been that old unless Ian looks GREAT for it, which, duh, believable 2. 🙌 Jimmy: he's outlived his, my mum's kept going til it were a bit more recent Jimmy: 🌧😒 Janis: Northern, I remember Jimmy: the accent's a giveaway and you did hear it a bit ago so Janis: thought it was a speech impediment Jimmy: my genetics are a shit show, I get why you'd reckon that Janis: know the feeling Jimmy: but any other dickhead asks and it were the 🚬🥃 that did it, be the 😎 answer Janis: got it Janis: if anyone asks I think it's well 🤤😍 anyway Jimmy: I'll stick it in the next Q&A Jimmy: 🤞 no dickhead'll know it were me 🗨 Janis: you'll be well too extra, bighead Jimmy: you do it then Janis: Easy Jimmy: weren't offering a 🏆 for the 💌🖋 don't worry Janis: why would I do it then 🥺🥺🥺 Jimmy: for the 💕 baby Janis: sounds like a bad deal Jimmy: UGH fine, you can have a 🏆 if you sound enough like you don't have a 🧠 how the rest of our fans do Janis: I'll get the ice pick Jimmy: hot Janis: it is 💕 after all Jimmy: do it properly and the manager'll let you have a crack at all the latte 🎨 you want Janis: send nudes Janis: understood Jimmy: #whenbrainscansarethenewnudes Janis: don't really fancy @ing the CG public twitter but Janis: just trying to pimp me out since day 1 Jimmy: it ain't my fault you'd rather we were rivals than working together as a 🥇 team Janis: you are such a bullshitter Janis: you wanna compete just as much 🎱🎯🍻 Janis: unless you're chatting threesome in which case, so up for that 🥇 performance Jimmy: different to ☕🎨💰 or 🐕🏃 that Jimmy: but I'll chat threesome when you give me someone #goals enough to 🗨 about Janis: 1. I'd never get a job at CG 2. if you wanna give me a cut, you can use my ads and customer base Janis: very rude you don't think Colin is #goals but alright Jimmy: 1. I gave you the in, get that lobotomy booked and you're well away 2. I get it, you just don't wanna share tips with someone more fit and mysterious than you Janis: 1. also need to book in for the tattoos and piercings and I don't have the time 2. wrong on both counts Jimmy: stop pissing about, you've already got more than the one I've got Janis: yeah but you've got the general 😎 and shit taste in music required Jimmy: you're right, you're too 😤 for customer service, forget I said owt Janis: I told you that before Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: I was focusing on your looks instead of how much of a dickhead you are til you reminded us Janis: as if I'd wanna spend that much time around you Jimmy: said as much myself ages ago up there, don't wanna play nice, you Janis: there's nice then there's that Jimmy: that's what the 🚫🧠 suggestion were for Jimmy: gotta be thick to work here Janis: or desperate Janis: and I've got other avenues to go down 'fore I need to hand in my CV Jimmy: tah for rubbing it in Janis: you could work at a better cafe Janis: sure they aren't all hubs of 💀👑 Jimmy: if that weren't bollocks I would be Janis: set your sights lower Janis: the greasier the better Janis: if they can't take a decent insta, you know they aren't coming in Jimmy: then my wage'll be lower an' all, not that thick, like Janis: price you pay then Jimmy: weren't whinging, that were you Janis: I've got nothing to whinge about, thanks Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you could always go work with gracie Jimmy: don't need to be giving Sharon or Ian any ideas about how good I am at raising kids Janis: meant in the shop Jimmy: I don't reckon 😎🚬 is what they're after if they've got your sister on staff Jimmy: what's she got 2 jobs for if she's 💀👑 charity case? Janis: not gonna lend her a whole wardrobe Jimmy: what kind of fake BFF Jimmy: you've got half of mine already Janis: likewise, don't reckon a few hoodies is what she's after Jimmy: 💔 Janis: yeah, so sad for her Janis: tragic when you can't afford all the lipgloss you need Jimmy: yeah, had my 😭 about using the last of my lipgloss a bit ago Jimmy: gonna look a right twat at this sleepover now Janis: don't 🙄 Janis: even they've got enough 🧠 between 'em to work out what sharing can mean 💋 Jimmy: chuffed to bits that my makeover's still on then 💅💄💋 Janis: you are disgusting Jimmy: 😏 Janis: make your face get stuck like that Jimmy: as threats go, reckon you could do better Janis: I don't feel like it Jimmy: dry your eyes mate, the lipgloss #drama has been sorted Janis: if you reckon it's gonna be some b-list softcore porn scenario, you can go by yourself Jimmy: you're alright, I don't need french tips that bad Janis: don't you Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: hands of an artist, me Janis: sure Jimmy: nowt you don't already know Janis: how you bend at the wrist? Janis: yeah, I remember Jimmy: I'll get the 🏆 off my dad for that one, save you the arts and crafts Janis: alright, my bad Jimmy: put the ✨ away for a bit Janis: shh Janis: you wound me up Jimmy: like I said always 😤 you Janis: no need to bang on about it Jimmy: don't sound like me at all, that Janis: maybe not in public Jimmy: so what, the payback for doing your head in is to try and make me 😳 in public? Janis: you wish Janis: not me talking about what could happen at this sleepover Jimmy: you wish you'd be able to raise to the challenge, more like Jimmy: loads of 👵 have tried before now Janis: Please Janis: nothing challenging about it Jimmy: go on then Janis: Why should I? Jimmy: I said there's no point bothering, nerves of steel, me Janis: 'course Janis: last time I came in, that was all just acting Janis: totally in control, you Jimmy: I weren't sacked, if I had no self control, I would've been Janis: I didn't say you had none Janis: just not as much as you wanna fake Jimmy: why would I wanna fake that? more #goals to lose it all around you Janis: exactly my point Janis: that wasn't fake Jimmy: never said it were Janis: you definitely did Janis: it was for their benefit, not ours Jimmy: theirs and ours, that'd be more how I remember it Janis: think about it much, do you Jimmy: don't you? Janis: of course I do Jimmy: I've missed you Janis: I missed you Janis: I just like being with you Jimmy: I dunno if I said it last night or what but I like being with you an' all Jimmy: not just 'cause everything's shit and would be shitter if you weren't my fake missus though Janis: I don't want you to be worrying about what you did or didn't say last night Janis: I'll tell you everything I remember if it makes you feel better but like I said, not putting it in my back pocket for later or anything equally fucked Jimmy: I get that you're not like that, I'm just Jimmy: I dunno Janis: what? Jimmy: I'm not used to it Janis: I know I'm a natural nurse but, me neither, like Jimmy: and not to bang on about it 'cause I'd hate to wind you up with that an' all obvs, but I still don't wanna fuck this up Janis: yeah Janis: I don't want to either Janis: if you want me to get wasted and tell you things I won't remember in the morning then I can Jimmy: you already did do Jimmy: I were worried you were gonna fuck up your other ankle how you were going when I picked you up from that party Janis: see, we're even then Janis: I made an idiot out of myself first Jimmy: you didn't Jimmy: all that bollocks were mutual, us trying to take the piss out of each other Janis: I was angry Janis: as per Janis: I didn't want it to be over Jimmy: It's alright, I were 😭 as per Jimmy: and it's not over Janis: it's not Jimmy: we're gonna need a drink tonight but no need for either of us to be the ones acting like bellends with that lot about Janis: not one I'm gonna insist on competiting in Janis: I wanna remember, being with you, anyway, they don't need to register Jimmy: no competition for owt between you and them Janis: I'll fight for your attention if I have to but I can't promise I'll be happy about it Jimmy: you don't have to Janis: good Janis: you've got mine Jimmy: if you wanna fight any of my customers, manager or co-workers for the rest of what I can't give you, I won't stop you Jimmy: this shift is doing my head in Janis: can you take 10 when I come for lunch? Jimmy: take more than a 👻🥊 to stop me Janis: good Janis: I'll cheer you up Jimmy: I won't 🌧 on you unless you want me to, Jules Jimmy: be more than a bit rude when you're looking like that Janis: see how the mood takes you Janis: not saying you can do what you like to me but Jimmy: I'll say it first then, you can do what you like to me Janis: You know it's not all I care about actually, don't you Jimmy: I were just fuming when I said that Janis: I know but Janis: as long as you do too Jimmy: not as thick I look 🤞 Jimmy: last night, that's not nowt to me, and it weren't the first time you've bothered either Janis: I like you an' all Janis: as well as wanting you, both can be true, yeah Jimmy: why not? I am that likeable and that fit and mysterious Janis: when you put it like that Janis: makes me wanna change my mind but Jimmy: gutted it's only got the one track to go down Janis: I reckon I can handle it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: glad to hear it Janis: be awkward if not, on my way now Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: you said you didn't want it to be awkward Janis: you too Jimmy: I'd have it be awkward if that were the only way I were gonna see you but Janis: that's why it was Janis: before Jimmy: I were a massive dickhead before, I'll try and leave it out Jimmy: for a bit Janis: makes two of us Janis: anyway, rude when you know that's my type Jimmy: you'll be here in a bit, that's as long as I said Jimmy: be alright Janis: thank god Jimmy: nowt to do with him, it's my 🥇💡 Janis: you can't be jealous of god Jimmy: he ain't real it'd be like having a go at one of our kid's imaginary mates Jimmy: but I have done before now 'cause they can be right dickheads at bedtime Janis: 😏 Janis: sounds like you need to be nicer to them, tbh Jimmy: any time you wanna have a go, crack on Jimmy: you know where they live Janis: not good with kids either Janis: imaginary ones included Jimmy: he likes you, I said Janis: he's alright Janis: less bratty than the kids I know, that's for sure Jimmy: I could get their mums to piss off an' all, sort 'em out for you Jimmy: bit of a talent Janis: be useful Janis: my oldest sister, she's bossy as fuck Jimmy: that'll be the fit one, always are Janis: yeah, so everyone says Jimmy: might've been ages ago but now everyone says you're the fit one, she'll have to take 🥈 Janis: only 'cos she really shit the bed on that one but tah Jimmy: sounds like she'll live with being the bossy one Janis: 'cos I'll die if I ain't the fit one 🙄 Jimmy: I'll dump you if you're not the fit one, more like Janis: good luck getting her to fake date you she's actual married and a bit busy with it, like Jimmy: challenge would be accepted but you've painted her as more of a nightmare than you Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: you aren't even funny, you know Jimmy: weren't what you reckoned in computer science, don't be lying 'cause you're mardy about my chances with your fit sister Janis: I said 🤡 Janis: doesn't necessarily mean funny Jimmy: but it did Janis: maybe you were funny then Jimmy: Oi, I ain't lost nowt Janis: just your hair and your will to live 👴 Jimmy: when we've been married for a bit, might do Jimmy: and my 💪 Janis: good job I carry you and this relationship then Jimmy: who carries who? Jimmy: nearly done my back in loads of times, tah very much Janis: that's only because you love it Jimmy: and you fell off an assault course Janis: which was your fault, if we wanna go into that again Jimmy: which is why I did my 🥇 nursing stint, if you wanna cast your 🧠 back, Jenna Janis: I know you like it Jimmy: I've had worse jobs Janis: 👍 Jimmy: don't mean you can get into the habit of hurting yourself, never live it down, a top athlete like you Janis: you think I'm that desperate for attention Jimmy: or that desperate to please me Jimmy: nah on either count Janis: don't have to try that hard, on either count Jimmy: I dunno if that's a piss take or not, I've made that many lattes Janis: Baby Janis: come out and I'll be there before you've lit up Jimmy: alright Janis: [arrive] Jimmy: [we hugging because couldn't do that earlier] Janis: [just the longest hug ever] Jimmy: [not breaking the hug but pulling her hair like he's gotta check it's not a wig and covering a karen hairstyle because the emotions are so much rn we need bants always] Janis: [just like oi but we're 😏 not 😒] Jimmy: ['well chuffed it's your real hair' just playing with it in a saucy way to make our point and no other reason obvs] Janis: [going to say something casual like 'mhmm' but does not sound at all casual] Jimmy: [just giving her a look like do you wanna try that again as if it's all just bants still but actually because so #into it we know] Janis: [grumpy face like it is too but not looking away from him 'cos tension Jimmy: [pouty lip thing because he's wanted to kiss her forever and that's the excuse he doesn't need but will take] Janis: [the literal most intense kiss how you don't actually die though] Jimmy: [we're all dying lads it's okay] Janis: [enjoy your moment though 'cos long time coming when you're this extra] Jimmy: [I have no idea how long it's actually been but it feels like ages tbh so take every second of these 10 minutes to be as extra as you can] Janis: [and not running away so progress] Jimmy: [proud of you both for not freaking out and sorting this out to a better level than it's been for ages] Janis: [get that lunch, live your best lives] Jimmy: [impress the bae by making something tailored to her that she'll love] Janis: [straight vibing] Janis: should I get loads of snacks for tonight Jimmy: to piss off 💀👑 or to cheer me up? Janis: you aren't cheered up? Jimmy: you asked that while I'm making you something to eat, which means you reckon you won't like it Janis: no it don't Janis: I was thinking to piss off 💀👑 Jimmy: if we get the rest of 'em to eat some she'll be fuming Jimmy: not 💀#2 obvs Jimmy: be impossible that Janis: challenge accepted then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just need to tell her I know how to get Mia to love her Janis: easy Jimmy: won't take you no time then Janis: what do you want then Janis: as you're so 😭 Jimmy: to eat? Janis: yes Janis: other plans still need to be worked out but I'll let you clock out of this job before we get to that stuff Jimmy: not a teenage girl who counts calories, get whatever you reckon'll piss her off the most Janis: what do you like though, dickhead Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Jimmy: I'm northern, I don't like nowt Janis: you're fussy, is what I'm hearing Jimmy: *funny Jimmy: and I don't care, that's literally the opposite, dickhead Janis: *chronically unhelpful Jimmy: what are you getting so bothered about? Jimmy: I won't be 😭💔🎻 if there's no food, it's not the reason I'm going Janis: I just wanna make sure you don't have a horrible time Janis: even if the main point is they do Jimmy: getting to spend longer than 10 minutes with you will do that Jimmy: even if we'll still have dickheads 👀🍿 us there as well as here Janis: had larger if not quite as attentive audiences so Janis: I don't care Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: obviously, be better to be alone but Jimmy: [brings her this food and beverage like oh hey do you wanna finish that sentence because I'm all up in your grill as much as I'm allowed to be lol] Janis: [just smiling half at the food moment, half at proximity like oh hey] Jimmy: [stealing something off that plate before she's had a chance to photograph the excellence like a cheeky bitch, this is why she wants to know what snacks you want you fat bastard] Janis: I get it now Janis: you know that's not how tips work, yeah? Jimmy: is this where you teach me maths? Jimmy: I'm alright, tah Janis: could do Janis: not as good as 💀👑 I'm sure Jimmy: you'll live Janis: will I though? Janis: my dad ain't a lawyer Jimmy: nah, you're right, you're fucked Jimmy: do you wanna 💀💀💀 in front of 'em an' all? Janis: what sort of question is that? Jimmy: you'd say a valid one Jimmy: if it were you who'd asked Janis: and you'd say something about my 🧠 if I had Jimmy: I don't reckon I can say owt about your 🧠 right now when mine's on the same track Jimmy: but I'll have a go if you're missing the #bants Janis: fun, isn't it? Jimmy: than being a mopey git but less fun than acting on each 💭 would be Janis: we can though Janis: even if it takes a while Jimmy: I know, I just Janis: do you want to be distracted right now or not Janis: because I can go until you're ready to be Jimmy: I wanna go with you Janis: I know you do Janis: but can you, realistically Jimmy: not without a 🥇 reason Jimmy: as voted by my manager Janis: 🤔 Janis: can pretend to be your dying nan but might put you off so Janis: bit counterproductive Jimmy: [IRL lol excuse him everyone] Janis: [😍] Janis: if you're #intoit just lemme know now Jimmy: just don't tell your fit nan that's a kink unlocked, she'll think I'm aiming for her head instead of the window with my stones Jimmy: be a bit awkward next time I fancy a cuppa round there Janis: be a more ⛓ kink if it was your own but fine Janis: keep you well out of her way from now on Janis: done it to yourself with that 🚍 ride Jimmy: if you're gonna call me vanilla, I'll chuck myself in front of that 🚍 instead of getting on Janis: babe Jimmy: proper upset me that has Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you know I like how you taste Jimmy: you're so Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: [looks over and shakes head like no you] Jimmy: [gives her a LOOK like you though] Janis: [biting lip but not to be saucy just 'cos genuinely that much of a struggle rn] Jimmy: [when you've gotta just get busy with something because likewise dying] Janis: must be how she does it Jimmy: ? Janis: 💀👑 Janis: being rich enough to sleep with as many people as there are hours in the day Jimmy: what I don't get is why the lads do it Janis: boost their average, practice, warmer than their hand Janis: take your pick, like Jimmy: doubt she is, or much by way of practice Jimmy: and you can lie about your numbers if you're that bothered Janis: nah, she'd be well good for stamina, take you so long to get off it'll basically feel like a chore by the end Janis: you can, but anyone that actually goes there will know you're lying, right Jimmy: I'll crack onto her in a bit then, stop you going on about how crap mine is Janis: no Jimmy: know how to take a hint, me Janis: do you fuck Jimmy: bit rude Janis: there's a reason I ain't subtle Jimmy: if I'm supposed to be fuming about that, tell me so I can fake it for you Janis: don't need you to fake nothing for me Jimmy: just get a bit more stamina from somewhere, yeah? Janis: if you need me to tell you how much of a joke that is, I should probably go somewhere more private Jimmy: I don't need you to tell me nowt Janis: I'll stay put then Jimmy: [comes over to clean up like oh hey again it's me, excuse me while I 'accidentally' touch you as much as possible while doing it LOL] Janis: [doing the thing where you move to be out of the way but 'accidentally' end up more in the way like whoops] Jimmy: [and the eye contact is everything because the manager can't tell you off for that, boy] Janis: [just silently dying here] Jimmy: [hard same for him, I hope you don't have to do hours and hours more of making lattes Jimothy cos you will die] Janis: are your brother and sister out today Jimmy: they'll be back by the time I'm done here Janis: alright Janis: my grandparents won't be, we could stop there first Jimmy: do me a favour and we won't have to bother stopping at mine at all Janis: go on? Jimmy: you've got a 🔑 raid Ian's stash, get some clothes and whatever else you reckon we'll need in a bit Janis: I can do that Jimmy: just be the 🐕 there, you can stay there for a bit if you want Jimmy: I know tonight's gonna do your head in Janis: thanks Janis: you're gonna make it fun Jimmy: I'll give it a 🥇 go Janis: you always do Jimmy: nah, but I will do Janis: not just 'cos the competition is non-existent with that lot Jimmy: not 'cause of them, I want to 'cause of you Janis: I want that too Janis: you Jimmy: [😍 at her because what are words when there's so much you wanna say] Janis: [you pack up your things and go now gal] Jimmy: [try not to watch her go too dramatically please] Janis: [waving like a nerd when you outside] Jimmy: [signs something at her but I've forgotten what he's taught her at this point so who knows what kind of insult that would likely be haha] Janis: gonna ask my best mate for those 🥇 6 year old insults when I next see him Jimmy: just don't ask him what that meant Janis: get you in trouble Janis: you're very predictable Jimmy: piss off am I Janis: okay, then I just know you SO well babes 💖 Jimmy: that'll do Jimmy: keep it #goals hun Janis: speaking of Janis: what do you want for PJs 'cos I bet you don't have any Jimmy: surprise us all Janis: well, gonna protect your modesty and just protect you from them in general Jimmy: you dunno me that well if you reckon I've got owt modest going for me Jimmy: but tah for the 💪 Janis: maybe I'm doing it for me Janis: don't need you slagging it up for anyone else Jimmy: not gonna upstage you, babe Jimmy: I'm saving that for our 👰💍🤵 Janis: oi Janis: x2 Janis: calling me a slag now and outshining me later Jimmy: 😏 Janis: cheek, honestly Jimmy: we could bring the 🐕 let her be a massive slag and outshine us both Janis: I mean, I can't lick my genitals so Janis: she's got me beat there Jimmy: 💔 that rumour were total bollocks Janis: 😂 fuck off Jimmy: meant to be SUCH an athlete, you Jimmy: 🚫🤸🏽 Janis: I'm not a circus freak Jimmy: not in a hot way any road Janis: you're such a prick Janis: just 'cos you're 🤡 don't mean I'm joining Jimmy: so you don't wanna see me 🤹☕? Janis: you wanna get fired that bad, I know Jimmy: pissed right on my tik tok career you have Janis: you just have to pull faces/your top up Janis: it's not hard Jimmy: POV your 👻 boyfriend Janis: what every girl wants Jimmy: DUH Janis: #blessed Jimmy: that'll be why my ex is in my inbox Janis: yeah, you'd messaged her Jimmy: what? Janis: you should read it back Janis: I don't know what you said exactly but you said you'd messaged her last night Jimmy: you could've stopped us Jimmy: some 🧠📖 you are Janis: oh yeah, definitely knew you were that basic bitch stereotype Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: thought she turned you down anyway Jimmy: dunno I'm not gonna open it, am I? Janis: come on Janis: face up to your shame Jimmy: you dunno what she's like Janis: what's the worst that can happen Janis: unless you bought her a plane ticket for her and her baby Jimmy: funny Janis: I'm serious Janis: be worse the more you worry about it Janis: it can't be that bad Jimmy: 😒 Janis: Alright Janis: I'll read it for you later then Jimmy: yeah, I'm gonna let that happen Jimmy: fit AND mysterious is the brand Janis: 🙄 well you messaged me and all, I'm just the dickhead that turned up Jimmy: I remember that Janis: some of Jimmy: enough of, you said Janis: yeah Jimmy: if I were an ungrateful dickhead then, I can do grateful for you now Janis: you weren't Janis: you were Janis: fine Jimmy: what does that mean? Janis: I don't need you to be grateful Janis: it's alright, I meant it Jimmy: okay Janis: whatever you said to her, sure she's gotten drunk dials before now Jimmy: she's done it to me Jimmy: which is why I'm 😒 and 🙄 Janis: you don't wanna be that bitch to that bitch Janis: I get it Jimmy: such a way with words, you Janis: you know what I mean Janis: you've invited her back in, you reckon Jimmy: she'll reckon Jimmy: even if I slagged her off til the word limit Jimmy: or it weren't about her at all Janis: unlucky, then Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: something like that Jimmy: or 🌧🌧 Janis: I'm inside so Janis: go ahead Jimmy: if you can't benefit from fitting your hair under a 👑👒🎩🎓🧢 for a bit, I don't see the point Janis: gonna cheer up then? Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: but alright Janis: 👌 Jimmy: not very in the spirit of what you just said Janis: I don't need cheering up Jimmy: what do you need then? Janis: nothing Jimmy: come on Janis: what? Jimmy: talk to me Janis: about what clothes I'm packing or Jimmy: 🤞👗👠 for me Janis: if you have a secret crossdressing wardrobe, lmk Jimmy: maybe in our future fake mansion, my dear Janis: then I reckon you're shit out of luck Janis: your sister don't seem the sort Jimmy: she's not Janis: not that you'd fit anyway Jimmy: you slagging me off or her there? Janis: you, obvs Jimmy: 💀💀💀 wish ain't that strong, I get it Janis: you said you'd do it Janis: basically a promise Jimmy: I'll do whatever you want, not my fault there's nowt you do, you said Janis: If you were here, answer'd be different Jimmy: if I were there I wouldn't have asked the question Jimmy: don't have your way with words but I don't always need to Janis: you manage to get your point across still Jimmy: you don't always need to be a 🥇🧠📖 Jimmy: not subtle either, me Janis: I'm glad Janis: subtle is overrated Jimmy: Oi, put some 🎨 shit in for us, I'll paint you Janis: bet they all love titanic Janis: 💡 Jimmy: rich girls 💕🚢 Jimmy: and chucking the lower classes out of their 👀 Janis: bringing up the fit ones for 🎨 and 💦💦 Janis: still would let you drown soz xoxo Jimmy: I'd drown myself if the alternative is fucking any of that lot Janis: hard same Janis: much to Mia's 🎻💔 Jimmy: least I didn't slide into her DMs an' all Janis: you have checked Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: she'd have let every dickhead know by now if I had done Janis: oh yeah, true Janis: I'd have got that screenshot by now Jimmy: and you wouldn't be 🗨 to me Janis: if you drunkenly tried to fuck one of them? Janis: staging your intervention more like Jimmy: that weren't the plan with my ex either Janis: right Janis: rekindling that deeper connection you had then Jimmy: it was just Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: you don't need to tell me Jimmy: I'm not like that, alright Janis: like what Jimmy: that dickhead Jimmy: I thought this were over, I wanted to know how she did it Jimmy: just stopped giving a shit like that Janis: is that why you don't want to read her reply? Jimmy: I don't wanna read it 'cause whatever bollocks she said ain't gonna be no help to me Jimmy: I can't do it, move on like it's nowt how every other dickhead does Jimmy: I can't do it, move on like it's nowt how every other dickhead does Jimmy: probably asked Ian, an' all, that'll be why he chucked us out Janis: oh, yeah, that probably did it Janis: sorry Jimmy: don't be, he ain't Janis: but it was my fault Jimmy: bollocks are you taking the blame like it weren't me an' all Jimmy: and I'm not bringing that shit up again to make you feel bad, I'm just trying to explain what I were doing 🗨 to her Janis: if I'd just stayed on the train Janis: not ruined it Jimmy: you haven't ruined nowt, we sorted it Janis: yeah Janis: but you can talk to your ex or anyone how you like Janis: without explaining it to me Janis: you know Jimmy: I don't wanna talk to anyone else, I told you, I like talking to you Janis: I just wanna talk to you too Jimmy: that's alright then Janis: it is? Jimmy: isn't it? Janis: I haven't done this before Jimmy: I'll teach you all the signs you need to be mute, it's fine Janis: 😏 Jimmy: and if you wanna talk to the 🐕 I won't tweet about what a massive cheating slag you are Jimmy: unless it's that one dickhead Janis: you know his name don't pretend Jimmy: oh please, I don't even know yours, babe Janis: 😱 = Olivier rn Jimmy: if he's at my 🏠 that'll be Twix's face an' all Janis: awh, dog date Jimmy: she's not having puppies with that 🐀 Janis: he couldn't reach Janis: let him hump her leg, loosen up Jimmy: just 'cause you're on one and SUCH a romantic Janis: knew you cared Janis: well protective, you Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'd be me who'd be stuck with 'em when they're too ugly to sell Janis: say they're some bullshit breed and all the gals will have one Jimmy: 💰💰💰 Jimmy: speaking of, have a crack at Ian's online banking before you piss off, tah very much Janis: you running away now? Jimmy: depends how you get on Janis: bit of an elaborate way to get your own back on me but Janis: respect it Jimmy: Am I meeting you at your nan's in a bit or what? Bill wants me on that ladder Janis: read that as meeting my nan, and no Janis: but yes to what you and Bill actually said Jimmy: I'll meet her on my own, tah, be a bit awkward if you're there an' all Janis: awkward when she smack you down, yeah Jimmy: that's the story we'll be giving you and your granddad Janis: you're disgusting and I hate you Jimmy: if nowt else I've killed the mood, you'll live Janis: I'm alone, I can be in whatever mood I like Janis: you're the one who needs to be 😇 Jimmy: they don't pay enough to make me be 😇 Janis: alright Janis: at least half paying attention Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 👻 manager will be buzzing Jimmy: he's too 💔 you've gone Jimmy: it's well #relatable Janis: wish he was the cute one Jimmy: bet he does an' all Janis: awh, Terry 😔 Jimmy: I wish he were the one that were gone Jimmy: could have you back then Janis: then wish every other customer would fuck off Jimmy: 🤞 goes without saying Janis: start a little fire? Jimmy: 🚬 Janis: if you share Jimmy: I don't reckon Alan fancies one but I'll ask Janis: Alan is definitely tee-total Janis: veggie, not vegan Jimmy: his missus'll be vegan and disappointed in him, that's what my 💰's on Janis: just LOVES milkly milky coffees Janis: can't quit Jimmy: that 🥛👨🏼 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: yeah, wish he'd leave Janis: so blatant Jimmy: just a lad with no fake girlfriend in sight Janis: you asked me to leave Jimmy: but Janis: but make time go faster Jimmy: it only does that bollocks when you don't want it to Janis: yeah Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: stop it, I'll 😭 Janis: no no Janis: got none left Jimmy: weird challenge but alright Janis: you're meant to be 😄 Jimmy: not if you're 🥺 Janis: just pretend it's cute pouting Jimmy: it's your face doing it Janis: is that an insult or a compliment Jimmy: it's that I don't have to pretend you look cute Janis: 😶 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: don't make me 😳 more dickhead Jimmy: alright yeah, you're still alone, that is a bit of a waste Janis: and it's rude Jimmy: I'll leave it out Janis: no Janis: I like it Janis: but I feel like a twat Jimmy: why? Janis: you make me so Janis: unsubtle Jimmy: we already said that weren't a bad thing Janis: it doesn't feel it when it's just us Jimmy: we don't have to go to this bollocks sleepover, you know Janis: I know Janis: but it would be good to do Janis: what do you think? Jimmy: I reckon we can get 💀👑 off the scale easy enough, it's always a piece of piss Jimmy: but there'll be loads more chances to do that without having to go to your house in the middle of nowt, if you don't want to Janis: let's do it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just weird Janis: with how we've fake acted Janis: and how we actually wanna Jimmy: yeah, but that bollocks has been doing our head in since day 1 Jimmy: nowt we can't handle Janis: 'course Jimmy: I meant what I said, we can bring the 🐕 to get the #s off us Janis: you have no idea how many 🐈s are about Jimmy: don't matter if they 💀💀💀 her, we'll find you another client Janis: you don't think we're going to have enough distractions as is? Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: she'll be 💔 when you leave though Janis: yeah, you'll have to do the hard work yourself, boy Janis: I've given her loads of attention Jimmy: I'm not 😱😱 of it, girl Jimmy: but well done for reading the rest of the room, Gracie excluded Janis: just saying, when you want a night off Janis: I'll give you that as well Jimmy: from them or you? Janis: whichever you want Jimmy: you're meant to say just from them if you're not 😱😱 of putting the work in either Janis: sounds like you want both when you bring it up Jimmy: it sounds like you want me to want both when you say bollocks like that Janis: alright, touche Janis: I meant from them, not me Jimmy: alright Janis: yeah? Janis: good Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: what? Janis: is Nigel 👀 over your shoulder? Jimmy: do you want his attention? I can @ him, hang on Janis: duh Janis: bet he's a well good conversationalist Jimmy: that bollocking I had off him were 🔥🔥🔥 Janis: hot Janis: foreplay sorted Jimmy: from 🥶 to 🥵 Jimmy: how goals Janis: better not be calling me frgit Jimmy: nah, LITERALLY referring to my near 💀💀💀 experience, like Jimmy: #noteverythingisaboutyoubabes Janis: whoops Janis: awkward Jimmy: are you gonna tell me what you were 💭 or what? Janis: when? Jimmy: when you 🤔 @ me Janis: was thinking about Nigel Janis: or if you were actually alright, but I weren't going to ask again Jimmy: I'm 💔 that you keep banging on about Steve Janis: imagine if he was actually fit Jimmy: fuck that I need the tips Janis: I am purely in it for the tips Jimmy: 🎻 you're not fake dating Pete Janis: ??? whomst Jimmy: [a picture of him that Jimothy has awkwardly made him pose for] Jimmy: 🎸🤩 Janis: damn Janis: give me a good reference, tah Jimmy: I'll tell him ☕🍪🍪 Jimmy: see what he reckons Janis: yeah, vital info Janis: if he don't take it 2 sugars he'll have to learn how to Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: he DON'T take sugar 😱 Janis: 😱😱😱 Janis: is he diabetic or Janis: his teeth must be 😁 😍😍😍 Jimmy: he's scared of needles so 🤞 not Janis: he's adorable Jimmy: what kind of rock god Jimmy: 💰 on his mum or dad being a dentist Janis: 🤞 Janis: right, off you go then Janis: got a new schedule to memorize Jimmy: you never did this one, good luck, mate Janis: I will for Pete Jimmy: #savage Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: how long actually Jimmy: [a time which hopefully isn't that much longer now because he did go in early] Janis: 👏👏👏 Jimmy: is the 🐕 still 😱😱😱 like she were earlier? Janis: she's chilled out Janis: not fully, not a liar Jimmy: I'll 🗨 my sister to keep an eye on it Janis: she's had another 💩 break since her walk, so she'll be good for a while when I leave in a sec Jimmy: and they'll be back in a bit Janis: 👍 Janis: then I'll see you at my grandparents Jimmy: I'll have a 🌹 between my rotten 🦷🦷 Bill insists Jimmy: Dunno how I'm gonna say my lines Janis: you'll work out how to get a word in Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: #spitorswallow Jimmy: what could be more romantic? Jimmy: 🌹🩸😘 Janis: why you gotta give me that visual Jimmy: you know why Janis: but Janis: 🧛 Jimmy: I remember, it just feels like fucking ages Janis: I don't even know how long it actually has been but Janis: I said I miss you Janis: understatement Jimmy: hang on 🥇💡 Janis: ? Jimmy: your new boyfriend's gonna finish up here for me Janis: serious? Janis: that's why I have to 💘 Jimmy: don't make me have to smack him before I've covered for him next week, weren't the plan Janis: I'm not in his DMs yet, don't worry Jimmy: tah Janis: you have to be nice to him, so I 🤐 Jimmy: I'm leaving now, be nice to me Janis: I will be Janis: I couldn't be more ready to see you Jimmy: how long do we have until your fit nan comes back? Janis: she works late all the time Janis: we should have an hour or so easy Jimmy: then that pisstake of a 🚍 Janis: exactly Janis: might be a few people coming home but still Jimmy: I'll take a few dickheads over every 👀 going past the CG Janis: whoever wants can 👀 as long as they keep it shut, like Jimmy: Oi, I still have to get there Jimmy: don't 💀💀💀 me before I can Janis: okay Janis: keep it all in my 🧠 Jimmy: if I had better words for how much I've missed you, you could have them Janis: your words are good Janis: and lack of is okay too Janis: you'll show me Jimmy: I have to, I need you to know Janis: I want to know Janis: that you missed me too, just as much Jimmy: I'll make sure you do Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanna keep talking to you Janis: don't let me fuck it up again, yeah Jimmy: we'll not fuck it up together, alright? Jimmy: you stop me from being a twat and I'll stop you Janis: it's a deal Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Janis: when you get here Jimmy: can you 👀 me from the closest we're getting to a balcony yet or what? Janis: hold on Janis: weren't prepared to look out wistfully Jimmy: might be a bit far, can't 🏃 and 🚬 Janis: it's like you want me to joke about your stamina Jimmy: do it now while you still can then Janis: love it when you threaten me with a good time, like Jimmy: can't promise nowt but 💅💄 in a bit so I reckon it's the least I can do to not make you wanna 🔪 yourself before we get there Janis: at least we can make all of them wanna 🔪 themselves with how #goals we are Jimmy: and 💀👑 'cause we're much better fake mates to have an' all Janis: of course Janis: even with the gross amounts of PDA they'll have to suffer Janis: lord knows what she makes 'em 👀👂 Jimmy: if we don't split 'em apart soon she'll be getting them involved next Janis: step 1 to a cult is 'free love' everyone knows Jimmy: don't drink nowt I don't give you tonight, like Janis: 👍 I took the best I could find but only wanna get that level 🥴 fucked up Jimmy: be alright, I'll protect you for once Janis: you've protected me loads Jimmy: I'm not asking for a list, I know I'm such a 🥇🏆💪 lad Janis: not just carrying me though Jimmy: right Janis: you're not a total dickhead Janis: shocking I know, but sincerely Jimmy: just a massive one, I know Jimmy: and that's your type anyway Janis: yeah Janis: but the good kind Janis: not 💀👑 type Janis: like that computer project when she was such a prick Janis: and you were decent Jimmy: I'll take that compliment Janis: have it Jimmy: I've been there, knobheads 🗨 bollocks about my family Jimmy: ones who know me and who don't Jimmy: she were out of order and she's only been more of a prick since Jimmy: no need to even like you to hate her Janis: she is that much of a delight Janis: not to be 'you get it' about it but yeah Jimmy: I don't want a night off til she takes one Janis: then I'm gonna do the most to make that happen Jimmy: I could just 💀💀💀 her tonight for you Janis: not how you're gonna 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: however you want, but if that's what you want I'll struggle a bit Janis: never ever Janis: not enough bleach to scrub you with/my eyes/my 🧠 Jimmy: you'd have to just fully dissolve me 💀🦷🦴🦷🦴 Janis: skeleton fake boyfriend, you say? Janis: hmm Jimmy: sounds like a 👻's piss poor sidekick Jimmy: don't fancy it Janis: 🥇 or nothing forever tbh Jimmy: right answer, that Janis: thank you, I'd take a bow but don't wanna go falling out my balcony Jimmy: Oi, don't be overshadowing my dramatic speech Jimmy: act 2, scene 2 Janis: if you'd hurry up and get here to start it, I wouldn't be stood here like a div waiting for you Janis: probably curtain twitchers thinking I'm robbing the place or something Jimmy: [appears and does recite it like a massive nerd obviously] Janis: [like when you don't wanna be impressed but you are 'cos boy, how and when, pop off, just loling and dramatically calling him up the ladder with the random bits of script she remembers] Jimmy: [just a casual bit of basically word perfect shakespeare as he's climbing up nbd, oh Jimothy ILY and kissing her when he's barely at the top, lowkey gonna fall off this ladder cos there's no chill] Janis: [telling him he's such a nerd between kisses but there's zero fronting when you want him this bad, get inside kids, hope the neighbours are watching like what in the world lol] Jimmy: [we know anything he tries to say in response isn't coming out as words so I'm impressed you can gal] Janis: [not gonna let you be cockblocked now though 'cos later with be a trial so have at it, live your best lives] Jimmy: [ngl won't let you be cockblocked later either because fuck the flatwhites and live your best lives always] Janis: [true tea but glad you are actually alone for once for this proper reunion 'cos gonna be so loud] Jimmy: [do need some actual privacy sometimes, exhibitionists though they are and probably will be on the longest bus ride ever] Janis: [just be finished before Tess is home or awkwarrrrrrrrd] Jimmy: [the dog(s) will warn you that she's coming back I'm sure] Janis: [don't wanna have that awkward 'just me' chat whilst he runs away, but am gonna make that happen for my own lols] Jimmy: [we gotta because yeah it's amusing, I hope you fitted a shower in too kids because gotta show up looking #goals so mia is devastated] Janis: [a moment too, you had enough time so I insist] Jimmy: [yeah it's always a #mood and you would] Janis: [now go get this bus from hell hohaha] Jimmy: [I'm cackling because all the lovebites you two would have once again, look away Tess and bus peeps] Janis: [just like nan don't you say anything, not got time for this beef lol] Jimmy: [Tess just like 👀] Janis: [lmao running from this house like cya never gal just sneaking into your spare room as I please] Jimmy: [we should say this bus is lowkey really full at least at first for the lols] Janis: [it is clearly clocking off time so real, even if they get off before your house in the middle of nowhere] Jimmy: [shameless excuse to only have one seat that we're all here for] Janis: [so #intoit] Jimmy: [just touching every lovebite of hers that he can can without it being indecent like okay all that really just happened, thank god] Janis: [turning her head as much as she can in that position to smile at him and touch a lovebite on him herself] Jimmy: [kissing her cos she cute af] Janis: [turning her whole self fully so she's still in his lap but facing him so they can have a makeout moment] Jimmy: [love that for you] Janis: [at least whoever is sat next to you can be offended enough you can't keep going] Jimmy: [someone sick of their office job 9-5 we 👀 you gutted that you're not a teen in love] Janis: [soz you're old and bitter we aren't soz though] Jimmy: [good excuse to teach her some more shady sign language though thanks] Janis: [need that] Jimmy: [you can use it when the gals are doing your head in later] Janis: [it's a good code for get me out of here etc whenever y'all need it] Jimmy: [yeah cos as much as I LOVE when you write on her jimothy it would be hard to decode depending what you say so you can't always and you could literally do this from across a room if you need to] Janis: [all the codes honey, lord knows you need it when these gals are testing you] Jimmy: [mhmmm] Janis: [drawing a thumbs up and question mark on him now 'cos why not honey] Jimmy: [when you can't help smiling because she did your thing to you and also you actually are happy rn so well done for answering a question babe] Janis: [gotta look away and grin because he's so cute] Jimmy: [doing their feelsy lean thing as a way of asking her if she's alright too even though you know the answer really you just wanna] Janis: [nudging him back like stop killing me] Jimmy: [just playing with her hair in a soft way like I dunno what you could possibly mean 😇 but we all know enough time has not passed yet since he would have been doing it not in a soft way when they were hooking up] Janis: [lil grumpy face like boy and mouthing 'don't start' 'cos we know you don't need an excuse to be extra rn] Jimmy: [running his thumb over her pouty little bottom lip because we love annoying the bae and the annoying person next to us] Janis: [taking that thumb into your mouth like you aren't in public 'cos fuck everyone on this bus lmao] Jimmy: [regrets he has a few, he doesn't at all really but he is dying now obvs] Janis: [we're 😏] Jimmy: [gotta wipe that smirk off her face with your own saucy behaviour not soz bus peeps so get that earlobe boy] Janis: [#shooketh noise, then whispering in his 'now who's the vampire?'] Jimmy: [touches a particularly epic lovebite she's given him and then looks at her like I reckon it's still you] Janis: [looking at it like hmm 'well, you earnt it' and then a LOOK] Jimmy: [giving her a LOOK back because always and then writing 'you' over a particularly epic love bite he gave her like you earnt yours too gal] Janis: [shivers] Jimmy: [we're kissing, deal with it everyone] Janis: [we know how this is, not concerned whatever you might say/tut people soz] Jimmy: [we're barely aware that any of y'all are here rn so] Janis: [rinse and repeat getting worse as more people leave 'cos duh] Jimmy: [we know what the vibe is] Janis: [gotta brace yourself for going into this storm/house] Jimmy: [we can skip to that if you want] Janis: [go for it] Jimmy: [have fun crashing this fun fest lads] Janis: [gonna say Ali is there too for the sheer awks lol] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [sorry gal your extra mother is here to say bonjour] Jimmy: [I'll give you a break and say Billie isn't there rn so it's not a literal full house] Janis: [yeah, be very rude to do a full meet the family moment lmao] Jimmy: [I won't make you have to have a convo about why she's paralysed at this precise moment] Janis: [so many convos we don't need to have yet, being so off with your mum lowkey is a bit weird enough Jimmy: [Jimothy would look like such a rude hoe because he's uncomfortable around mums, this is why the fam think you're a bad boy though sir when you actually the softest ever] Janis: [we leaving that convo as fast as we can soz Ali] Jimmy: [not a good first impression but not as bad as it could've gone if you hadn't even had that and then just walked in on something or whatever lol] Janis: [she'll live, gonna have to go to your room 'cos gotta get the 😒 out before being your fake self] Jimmy: [gotta bring it if you wanna steal the flatwhites from mia you can't be going in before you're ready] Janis: [in this bare room like woo] Jimmy: [he's noticed but he's not gonna be a dick about it because now is not the time] Janis: ['nightmare, right?' from lying down on her bed 'cos what he said about fit ones earlier] Jimmy: ['not as much of one as you' because just gotta tell her she's the most beautiful ever but in the least feelsy way possible] Janis: [throwing a pillow] Jimmy: [chucks it back at her obvs] Janis: [sitting up like excuse me] Jimmy: [comes and sits next to her because he wasn't before] Janis: [cue hearing them giggling or some shit from the other room like oh god] Jimmy: [🙄 and signs something shady about them like let's go fully deaf rn tbh] Janis: [does something back but gets it slightly wrong 'cos you know] Jimmy: [just corrects her like gimme your hand gal, and shows her how to do it because any chance to touch her we're always taking] Janis: ['how do I tell them to do one without it being obvious?' all the hand gestures] Jimmy: [a little lol but spells out some insults letter by letter because takes longer but they won't have a clue that way] Janis: [practising to kill time and stay alone] Jimmy: [eventually doing the 👍? drawing on her like she did on the bus for that nice parallel because she knew he was then and this time he knows she's not] Janis: [getting up in response like of course 'let's do this then' and holding out your hand like come on] Jimmy: [taking that hand and using it to pull her into a hug because he knows gal and he's not loving the idea of leaving this room either so] Janis: ['not got time' but nudging him to let him know you're only joking about his one-track mind now] Jimmy: [dramatically shhing her as if the flatwhites are gonna hear her turning him down and realise they've been duped but we're likewise only joking] Janis: [rolls her eyes but obvs at the thought of them 'do them good to hear what a no is'] Jimmy: [a grimace because true and also true of his ex which is something we don't wanna dwell on 'I get it, that's your ultimate goal' like okay we're gonna reprogram the cult that way are we] Janis: [shrugs 'just want the pleasure of pulling the trigger myself, like you said'] Jimmy: [shrugs back but also moves away like he's leaving room for Jesus or something with a lil nod like there you go] Janis: [raises a brow like ? but doesn't say anything 'cos thinking 'what's our excuse for bursting in on 'em?'] Jimmy: ['do we need one? sounds like a right laugh in there' oh the sarcasm and bants] Janis: ['yeah, be that as it may, you're meant to wanna be in here alone with me, dickhead-' then puts her finger up like aha 💡 and drags him like let's go] Jimmy: [is about to say that that's what he does want but then she gets her brainwave so that spares him and obvs we're just being dragged along] Janis: [gonna WELL SUBTLY imply you've run out of condoms and do any of you gals have some, soz bit embarrassing boy but you know also a #flex, then you can just be like ooh what you up to like you care lol] Jimmy: [Grace just going to her drawer where she keeps all her hoe shit like I got you gal while Mia and Ella are appalled as if they aren't even bigger hoes and Asia not getting the 'subtlety' so Hollie is explaining like] Janis: [having to pretend you're embarrassed to endear yourself to 'em like full 🙈 but trying not to lose it at how mad #1 & #2 are and how stupid Asia is, like don#t catch the baes eye rn] Jimmy: [at least trying not to lol and pretending you are embarrassed look pretty similar thank god, and then you can do her nails boy because that's blatantly what they were doing but it's more #goals that you want to and will do a good job] Janis: [I vote toenails 'cos it's already a bizarrely intimate task actually so would be 😳 by the end of it] Jimmy: [and then he can be like do you want anything to drink or any of the snacks because she won't be able to move til they are dry- Grace blatantly would have smudged hers already because of her willingness to help Janis at any point and because she's a clumsy bitch so Mia is already annoyed- as a way to let the gals know they have both of these things so Mia will be angrier] Janis: [just like bring 'em all, we'll share, let's party lollololol] Jimmy: [he obvs does and obvs kissing her like he's been gone for a thousand years when it was like a sec purely for the gals not because he's that extra oh no] Janis: [we just really out here reminding everyone we came for condoms pop off kids] Jimmy: [I like to imagine Hollie immediately going for the snacks because she's so done with Mia's shit at this point] Janis: [get yours gal, we're drinking, of course] Jimmy: [very necessary in order to stay sane and coupley sharing is an added bonus] Janis: [painting your nails boy so next time there's chance to go you cannot take it lol] Jimmy: [but are you doing black or are you doing a silly colour] Janis: [you're lucky it isn't some shade of beige tbh, go black though] Jimmy: [latte coloured lol] Janis: [Hollie would've brought some black, edgy hoe] Jimmy: [she absolutely would, all the colours too, fuck you gals] Janis: [live a little huns] Jimmy: [Oh yeah when she painted his nails before Grace put it on her stories so they don't even have to do the work so that's a yes from me] Jimmy: [and Mia suggested a game like never have I ever to try and show Janis up because of course she did but they turned it around and made it couple goals because 1. they can answer for each other like lol we know each other so well now bye and 2. and Mia would be fuming cos her and Pablo are not and what are you gonna do gal facetime him, I don't think so] Janis: [good thinking, and we've got a bottle so all the games can come out now, honestly is Pablo even still about babes, so salty] Jimmy: [all the gals have to drink now and you can't say shit hun, also Grace got upset about it in the OG because her love life is a shambles but in this instance could be about Pablo cos Mia's shown she's that bitch and Jimothy was like go after her before anyone else can because nothing would annoy Mia more] Janis: [just getting Ella to ask really graphic and specific ones she clearly knows Mia has done so they all have to think about that 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: [how gross and how legit for exactly what she would do] Janis: [off you pop then gals, trying not to vom about that, have you no shame Mia] Janis: stay safe, don't let them 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: I'll drink the nail polish remover before I let these lasses near me Janis: loyal to the end 💘 Janis: what is 🍾 if not one step up from acetone so Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: be why Asia's asking me how to make some lad more #goals before she cracks onto him Janis: 🙄 Janis: just don't let slip about your entirely fake personality Jimmy: be in good company if I did do Janis: no, she's really that thick Jimmy: reckon I should warn him? @ [this lad's real socials whatever they are because of course she's shown him as if he would know the kid or ever talks to anyone] Janis: well he is your best mate Janis: nah, looks like a dickhead, can probably handle himself Jimmy: sure you don't want him for yourself then? Janis: so she can have you Janis: not a wife swap I'm interested in Jimmy: so you can have a bigger dickhead and she can eat her feelings Janis: is she? Jimmy: she would be if she were 💔 over you taking her lad Janis: I'll do my best to casually drop that into the conversation Janis: you look the other way, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we're making popcorn Janis: the empty calories, the horror Jimmy: the real 😱😱 will be when one of 'em tries to hold my hand as I go to grab some of that 🍿 Jimmy: you're gonna have to chuck it at me Janis: ugh Janis: are you gonna be 💪🏆 enough? Jimmy: depends Jimmy: are we gonna have to watch some bollocks film an' all? Janis: what sleepover would be complete without a chick-flick? Jimmy: UGH Janis: don't ugh at me so agressively Janis: I'm sure they'll let you pick and be 😍 when you get it right Jimmy: Titanic, I remember Janis: you know how long that film is Janis: do you wanna be bored to death or what Jimmy: weren't planning to watch it, but alright, if you're sticking to yours of teaching 'em to say no I'll pick something else Janis: obviously the plan isn't to ignore you for the duration Jimmy: you'd be fucked if it were Janis: really Janis: you think you're that irresistible, yeah? Jimmy: it ain't about what I think Jimmy: your 🧠 been on the one track all day, Jasmine Janis: you reckon I can't? Jimmy: it don't matter, you can't accept the challenge around them and keep things #goals Janis: well I can Janis: don't have to let you finger fuck me or return the favour Jimmy: such a romantic, you Jimmy: go on then, resist me Janis: well, what else does watch a movie mean if we're not watching it Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: never said you were on the wrong track Janis: won't be hard Janis: Mia's chat hasn't put me in the mood Jimmy: chuffed to hear you aren't raring to go after all that bollocks Janis: not as 😭 as gracie but that's nothing new Jimmy: I'll stick the 🎻🎵 on for her Janis: Titanic'll do then, you were rigt Janis: right* Jimmy: can't help having 🥇💡 me Janis: what else would you fill that giant head with Jimmy: 🚬 smoke Jimmy: you coming? Janis: alright Janis: come down and bring the bowls up 🍿 so she don't wanna come with Jimmy: [does] Janis: [go outside to your lil porch moment] Jimmy: [we all know you already need the break lads] Janis: [pretending we aren't arsed but no one needs to hear it, like] Jimmy: [Jimothy just having a 🚬 and whistling a bit of Celine Dion like a nerd] Janis: [trying to shoot him a can you not look but can't not lol a bit] Jimmy: [changes his whistle to the funeral march cos they wanna die] Janis: [shakes her head 'cheery'] Jimmy: [chucks his lighter at her so she can wave it like they do at concerts 'go on then, request something'] Janis: [for some reason lowkey panics like idk, why have you sprung this on me 'do one of your favourites'] Jimmy: [does one of the shit songs they'd play at the CG on a loop so she'd have heard it there for the pisstake] Janis: ['sounds about right' like you #basic] Jimmy: [chucks something at her like an outdoor cushion or whatever like oi because it's been so long since they've had a playfight] Janis: [getting one of your own to whack him with 'why don't you do one of Pete's?'] Jimmy: [is so lowkey 😒 but hides it by pretending that he's so 💔 he doesn't know all of Pete's songs off by heart and getting up his band page to play some bops] Janis: [OTT 😍 'he's SO talented' like she doesn't even know what instrument he is or if he's singing lol] Jimmy: [😒 af but we're forever in the #bants so we gotta leave a 👍 as a comment for these lads] Janis: [snatching his phone like you're gonna comment yourself but just being nosy with it] Jimmy: [smoke rings because we're so jealous but we gotta pretend it's chill] Janis: [oh Pete, just on his socials now 'this his girlfriend?' in a OMG you could've told me/I'm devastated kinda way] Jimmy: [shrugs without even looking because he genuinely doesn't know much about Pete yet cos he's an antisocial hoe and I doubt Pete's chatting up a storm to most of his coworkers at the CG either tbh] Janis: [tuts like honestly but puts the phone down 'cos over the #bants as he's not biting, 'let me look at your nails' an excuse for closeness to inspect like you better not have smudged 'em, boy] Jimmy: [raises an eyebrow like really but obvs does let her] Janis: ['nail art is my passion' so serious proper inspecting every finger, putting his thumb to her lips for the bus mems and looking at him like hey] Jimmy: [can't even be in a sulk anymore because the bae is just your fave, touching her hair for the bus and everything that happened before mems] Janis: [holding your breath and closing your eyes 'cos #overwhelmed] Jimmy: [very soft kiss on her forehead because he's that cute nerd] Janis: [breathing out, 'do I have to ignore you?'] Jimmy: [kissing her properly but still soft so she can decide if she's gonna kiss him back or not like up to you gal] Janis: [obviously does] Jimmy: [just having a nice little makeout moment] Janis: ['you're gonna miss the popcorn'] Jimmy: ['subtle hint' like oh do you want some popcorn do you babe] Janis: [pushes him, gently lol, 'was you buzzin' off the handholding'] Jimmy: [holds her hand like well I'm alright now then aren't I] Janis: [pulls away like eww 😏 'not as sweaty as Tammy though, come on'] Jimmy: ['my nails are more goals an' all' 😏 we going in though] Janis: ['mine are the best though'] Jimmy: ['still gotta crack on with my masterpiece though, remind us in a bit'] Janis: ['I'll do something inspiring to make you remember'] Jimmy: [I vote Mia should have picked and started a film in the living room already cos she's a rude hoe so they should go sit next to her to annoy her like budge up Ella you fat bitch] Janis: [the realest lmao] Jimmy: [everyone is on their phones already so bored] Janis: [the film will be next level crap obvs, doubt she even likes it, just loud whispering about everything from the plot to the popcorn] Jimmy: [jimothy just asking Grace to get the face masks out at a normal volume because she obvs will] Janis: [shushing him like omg] Jimmy: [shading Mia by SUBTLY implying she won't mind because she needs one] Janis: [talking about some skincare she definitely don't need like omg lifesaver babe trust me] Jimmy: [just touching her face lovingly and giving it the OTT heart eyes like yeah it's clearly working for the bae] Janis: [just going on about his perfect face and how lucky he is not to need nothing like where's the lie] Jimmy: [being all like this is why I wanna do a facemask can you BELIEVE I have never gals] Janis: [fully biting our cheeks not to lol rn like oh boy] Jimmy: [Grace buzzing she can leave to go get everyone a mask like thanks babes] Janis: [definitely make them take a lovely unflattering mask selfie lol[ Jimmy: [and loads of cute coupley ones of you two cos we know you still look great] Janis: [just those bitches we been knew] Jimmy: [gotta 'accidentally' chuck his at Ella cos hate you two gal because it's slimy and gross and he's not about it, like oh soz totally weren't aiming for you but you're close to the bin there gal] Janis: [we know she's gonna be seething, if she weren't so weak would definitely brawl you alas, at least you can go off to the bathroom to wash it off him as he's so offended by it and be extra in the process] Jimmy: [I like to imagine that her horrified reaction 'accidentally' made it into the tik tok Hollie was making so she's extra raging, jimothy just like gotta go before this shit fetches my freckles off bye] Jimmy: [god bless that downstairs bathroom so you can leave the door open the whole time, hope there's some popcorn left for that show ladies] Janis: [I hope you're out now Alison, probably 'cos can't stand Mia and Ella] Jimmy: [we know you'd still have an epic social life it's fine] Janis: [just taking your opportunity to pretend you're giggling at whatever he's doing to you 'cos not over Ella's face lol] Jimmy: [and tbf he is lowkey gonna have a water fight with you splashing up a storm because that bitch, don't die Billie when you eventually get back] Janis: [thank god it's likely a wet room sitch so we aren't going to kill her lol, also no hiding how soaked you are in your tiny PJs jussayin] Jimmy: [not saying he had those motives but we're not mad it happened though the gals will be when you give her something of yours to wear] Janis: [may as well make this performance as real as possible] Jimmy: [so gutted you've missed half this film by now I'm sure] Janis: [hear how devvo we are gals lol] Jimmy: [nothing makes me happier than how raging those two are and like JJ have barely had to do anything] Janis: [Grace just turning the volume up 'cos clearly won't leave no matter how pissed off we are like we're watching this film] Jimmy: [Grace babe you need to leave this friendship group] Janis: [coming back in like you're shook they're there like you totally forgot what you were even doing before] Jimmy: [give them both an oscar asap] Janis: [uploading your #content and an excuse to be on your phone for a sec] Janis: have you thought of anything you wanna do after Jimmy: Is that another one of your subtle hints or what? Janis: what am I hinting? Jimmy: might be you want me to decide or you already have done and you wanna tell me your 🥇💡 Janis: or I'm just asking Janis: 'cos I wanna know Jimmy: been a bit busy making 💀👑 bloody 🤬 but when we get her to 🤯 I'll have a 💭 Janis: don't act like I've done nothing Jimmy: never said that Janis: you implied it Jimmy: I said we Janis: oh Jimmy: what's up? Janis: just misread it Jimmy: you're alright then? Janis: aren't you? Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: what's wrong? Jimmy: we're in a ⚫️ of bollocks here now, you ain't even answered the question you're just re-asking it Janis: I'm fine, you're the one who brought it up Jimmy: 👍 Janis: good talk Jimmy: can't all be poetry, mate Janis: 💔 I'm sure Jimmy: there'll be a 🎻 playing in a bit, I'm sure Janis: sure 💀#2 is 🥇 string, mate Jimmy: she'd be smashing us over the head with it if she could lift it off the floor Janis: you did silence of the lambs her Jimmy: TOTAL accident that Janis: mm yeah Jimmy: like how wet you are Janis: excuse me Jimmy: you heard Janis: VERY deliberate, you mean Jimmy: don't sound like me or something I would do, girl Janis: look, if you don't wanna take responsibility for making me wet, we can find someone else to take the blame, I'm sure Jimmy: won't be this film though Janis: 🙄 Janis: seriously Jimmy: you wanna go do LITERALLY owt else? Janis: thought you'd never ask Jimmy: come on then Janis: [dramatically sighs and snuggles down into his lap hardcore like, oh, I'm SO sleepy, please take me to bed immediately] Jimmy: [picks her up and carries her away even though there's no need] Janis: [throwing a 'enjoy your evening' over his shoulder as a total afterthought 'cos obvs so 😍 when you are out of sight though, actual face like freedom at last] Jimmy: [could put her down when you're out of sight but doesn't] Janis: [we thinking see, you love it, but we're not saying it] Jimmy: [he knows so he pretends he's gonna drop her but doesn't do that either obvs] Janis: [at least the 'don't you dare!' can sound goals if you aren't totally out of earshot/they're stalking you up the stairs lmao] Jimmy: [okay so my 🎨 idea I randomly had was like he's pissing about tickling her and 'drawing on her' with a clean paintbrush but there's no way she can work out what he's actually drawing so then he does one of those pinterest basic bitch paintings on her back actually but to make it the least cringe we can because never just for the #fans it's the fish tank from that™ romeo and juliet scene they talked about] Janis: [I LOVE THAT you clever nugget, need that, lowkey actually so impressed with his talent™] Jimmy: [nice throwback to when Ali was always painting on Carly so it made my heart happy and I thought cooler than just drawing her because he said lemme paint you not lemme paint a picture of you and he'd have to take a pic so she could see it properly so that's #content] Jimmy: [AND they'd have to wash it off eventually so that's a bath moment we can still have because I didn't get #bathgate] Janis: [and it must happen] Jimmy: [how intimate is washing something else's back though goodbye] Janis: [we're really having all the moments today] Jimmy: [like if you don't wash her hair for her too who are you boy] Janis: [is this day 1 of being friends again, why you so extraaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [they're 15, that's all we need to say] Janis: [cue tayswizzle] Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's not in the bath he's outside of it like that Effy scene and the big brother/dad that he is] Janis: [somehow way more intimate, like would you like to get in boy] Jimmy: [right? we're really doing something today] Janis: [feels get us through without a freakout] Jimmy: [likewise, we're so shook to actually have the bae back that nothing is fully hitting us yet] Janis: [that's the tea on today baby] Jimmy: [is there anything else we wanna happen or is the vibe that they're gonna hook up til they legit do fall asleep?] Janis: [probably that, like they can go piss about outside in the barn like we said but it'll just be more cute] Jimmy: [a lot has happened today feels wise so if you wanna post this I am down]