#because even though it's what it is sometimes that's the only place to get some stuff

[girlgenius1111]

my business

barcelona femení x teen reader after losing her best friend, r gets a meaningful tattoo, but gives her teammates no details about it. her older teammates, especially alexia whom she lives with, are furious that she didn't talk to them first. angst city, sprinkles of comfort [loss, grief]

—

It had always been the two of you. From the first day of kindergarten, when you’d both found yourselves playing with the toy cars in the corner of the room. You were fast friends; probably because there was something about the other that drew you together. You both came from broken homes, barely enough pieces of parents to craft together a family between the two of you. She’d been your family, for as long as you could remember. 

Even when you’d moved across the continent to Spain to play for Barcelona, you’d remained close. You facetimed at night, scrolling through tik tok compatible silence. As everything changed for you, things remained the same for her. She was stuck in that broken home, a mirror of the one you’d escaped. Football had saved you, but Jackie hadn’t had a savior. And when you left, she was all by herself. 

Now you were too. 

—

You lived with Alexia, which wasn’t quite your choice. You’d started off in an apartment in the same building as some of the other younger players, but an amalgamation of circumstances had you moving into Alexia’s only a month into your first season at Barcelona. 

The call had, ironically, come in the middle of a very long 10 days all by yourself in Barcelona. It was just your luck that you’d picked up a strain in your calf the week before, leaving you off the squad for your own national team. Initially, you’d been looking forward to some down time. Then the call had come in, and you were thrust into the painful realization that you were all alone. 

Olga was kind, above anything else, and she hovered a lot less than her partner did. The first five days had been a nice break from the rush and chaos of your regular schedule. Maybe you would have told her, when you got the call, if she’d still been there. Olga had to go to Madrid for work. After dropping Olga off at the airport in Alexia’s cupra [though you had an identical one, you swore hers was better], you’d gone home, the prospect of complete freedom very appealing, not that you’d really do anything crazy. 

The soft jingle of your ringtone broke through the silence, a silence that felt full of opportunity, even if it was just cooking in the kitchen with the music blaring. Sometimes, as you lay awake in your bed, staring at the ceiling, you wondered what would have happened if you hadn’t answered the phone. It wouldn’t have changed anything. Jackie would still be dead. The car that sped through the crosswalk without looking would still have slammed into her.  

You answered the phone. Jackie was dead. Your world fell apart. There was nothing more to it. There was nothing you could do, no way to think yourself out of the pain. It was there, hot and searing. All for you to deal with, all by yourself. 

It was a weird form of karma, perhaps, that you were now just as alone as you’d left Jackie to be. 

—

It wasn’t entirely a conscious decision that brought you to the tattoo shop. One minute you were looking back through your texts with Jackie, and the next, you were in the chair, shirt pulled up as the buzz of the tattoo gun filled the room. 

It was a small black and white illustration of a lemon tree. The school where you’d met each other had a lemon tree in the back, next to the playground. The two of you would sit there together at recess and talk. As you got older, you still returned to the lemon tree, even once you were both much too old to be sitting next to a playground. 

Under the lemon tree had been the last place you’d seen her in person. You’d gone home to visit her for a few days, and you’d spent your last few hours under the lemon tree together, talking about everything and nothing. That had been months ago, now. 

Your calf injury had not only taken you out of the international break, but it had ruined your plans to see Jackie whilst you were back home. It had been a long time since you’d seen your best friend, and you were more than a little disappointed that you couldn’t. After several profuse apologies, Jackie had told you not to worry about it. She’d see you sometime soon, and she didn’t need to watch you play in person to be proud of you.

 ‘I’m always proud of you,’ she’d said. 

There were about 2 months until your 18th birthday, but it turned out that in Barcelona you didn’t need to be 18 to get a tattoo, you had to be 16. So, off to the tattoo shop you’d gone, with nothing more than Jackie’s last text repeating in your head over and over. You didn’t think about the consequences, didn’t really think about anything until it was done, until the tattoo artist was carefully laying the second skin over the raw patch on your upper arm. 

Lost in your head, you left the tattoo shop. The habit you had of not watching where you were going, instead staring at the ground under your feet as you walked, was something that had caused you trouble more than once. And now, it seemed it would again as you practically crashed into someone the minute the door shut behind you. 

“¡Oye, cuidado!” 

You stumbled backwards, eyes still fixed on the ground, opening your mouth to apologize before you froze. You knew that voice. Your head snapped up and, ironically, the first thing you spotted was ‘looks can be deceiving’ inked into your teammates neck as her tattooed arms flew into the air with exasperation. Her face turned from annoyed to surprised, and then she broke into a wide grin.“¿Pequeña?” 

“Hola, Mapi.” You replied quietly. “Sorry, I didn’t see you.” 

“No, no, it’s–...” Mapi trailed off, something on your face, something raw and painful catching her attention. She studied you for a moment, both of you blocking half the sidewalk as people grumbled and stalked past you. You waited for her to realize, her eyes flicking up to the sign above the door behind you. 

Mapi’s jaw dropped, her hand coming to grip your elbow and pull you over to sit at a nearby bench. “Did you get a tattoo?!” She hissed, surprise and concern etched deep into the lines of her forehead. 

She was downright floored. You were the team’s resident well behaved teen. Not since you’d moved in with Alexia had you stepped a toe out of line. Undertaking the extra film sessions and disgustingly high protein dinners with little complaint, you were practically a miniature version of your captain. 

And it wasn’t that everyone was opposed to tattoos or something, it was just that you were so young. You’d talked about getting a tattoo before but Alexia and Mapi had convinced you to wait until you were older. For you to break that promise, to go behind Alexia’s back while she was out of town… it was completely out of character. And it was for this reason that Mapi wasn’t upset. She was concerned. 

How you could have forgotten Mapi was still in Barcelona, seeing as though she wasn’t playing for Spain any longer, you weren’t sure. But that miscalculation had backfired greatly. Something in the very back of your head begged you to take the hand that was suddenly outstretched, trying to pull you out of the ocean you were drowning in. Mapi was right there, and she’d listen. Mapi always listened. You didn’t have to be alone anymore, but the thought of saying it out loud… that Jackie was gone and you were broken, you just couldn’t do it. Letting Mapi in would hurt too much, you decided. 

“Yes.” You answered shortly. 

The defender looked taken aback, her brow knitting together. She seemed to be at a loss for words for a moment, her concern for you doubling as she took in your appearance. You looked like you had barely slept in days, eyes red and puffy. It seemed impossible for you to sit still, your knee bouncing rapidly as your hands fidgeted with the sleeves of your sweater. Eyes anywhere but on her face, Mapi realized that whatever was wrong with you was serious. 

“Are you… what’s wrong, pequeña? What’s happened?” María inquired gently, her hands resting on your knee. You shifted away from the touch, your whole body suddenly seeming to tense. 

“Nothing. Nothing happened. I just wanted a tattoo.” You replied mechanically. 

“But… we talked about this. Me, you, and Ale. I thought you were going to wait–”

“Well, it isn’t up to you and Ale, it’s up to me.” You hated how hostile you were being whilst simultaneously having no idea how to behave any differently. Your body was in fight or flight, refusing point blank to admit to Mapi that you were very far from okay. 

To your chagrin, Mapi only seemed to soften further, the sympathy and concern on her face making your chest feel like it was on fire. “Nena, I don’t think–”

“I have to go, María. I have… I have an appointment. I’ll see you at training on Monday.” Abruptly, you stood, only just catching the way Mapi tried to reach out for you again. You didn’t listen as she tried to stop you, didn't look back once you turned around and speed walked away from her. 

You weren’t sure what you were doing, and maybe that was just what life would be like from now on. You weren’t sure. You just knew that verbalizing the grief and emotion you felt would make it unbearable. 

And behind you, still sitting bewildered on the bench, Mapi wasn’t sure what to do either. She could follow you home, insist you talk to her. That didn’t feel right, because you clearly wanted space. 

You’d been fine when she saw you at training last week, which made her think that the rest of your teammates wouldn’t know anything either. Mapi knew you loved your younger teammates, the ones much closer in age to you, but she also knew how careful you were about bothering people. No, you wouldn’t have called one of them for help. 

She’d definitely be calling Ingrid, but that was more for her own sake than yours. Ingrid wouldn’t have the answers, because she’d been gone, too. 

The most likely option of who would have more information was Alexia. Obviously, because you lived with her, you were close. But if Alexia knew something was wrong, she never would have left you behind without a word to Mapi to check on you. Likely, Alexia didn’t know anything either.  

And of course, María could call Alexia, but she knew her captain well enough to know that whatever overbearing reaction Alexia would have to try to figure out the problem and solve it would be suffocating to you. 

That left only one person.  

—

The noise of your rather melodramatic playlist must have drowned out the front door opening. You weren’t expecting anyone home today, so you froze when you heard footsteps beginning to ascend the stairs. Terrified, you grabbed the bat you kept under your bed and crept closer to the door, allowing the music to keep playing. 

Counting to three in your head, you grabbed the knob and twisted, flinging the door open and holding your bat up in the air at the ready. Olga jumped back, her hand raised as if to knock. 

“¡Joder!” 

“Jesus!” 

You both exclaimed simultaneously, Olga putting her hand over her heart and you dropping the bat to the ground. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t back until tomorrow?” You questioned. 

Olga had been looking at you in alarm, evidently still startled from the scare she’d just had. But as soon as you asked why she was home early, she seemed to gain control of herself, her body language softening as she stepped closer into your room. 

“Mapi called me.” The brunette said gently. Instinctually, you took a step back from her, trying to put space between you and the wrecking ball that was trying to break down the walls you’d so carefully crafted over the past few days. Olga didn’t move any closer, a small, sad smile gracing her lips. “Can I see your tattoo?” 

Her question caught you off guard enough that you nodded rather dumbly, rolling up the sleeve of your sweatshirt so that your bicep, and its new lemon tree, was exposed. 

Olga studied it for a moment, reaching out to grab your arm and have a closer look. “It’s pretty.” 

“Thanks.”

There was a beat of silence, both of you waiting for the other to address the elephant in the room. The brunette broke first, raking a hand through her loose hair. 

“Alexia is not going to be happy about this, pequeña.” Olga sighed, running her thumb over the pink tinged skin. 

You shrugged, pulling your arm from the older woman’s grasp. You didn’t care if Alexia wasn’t happy about it. In fact, that was the absolute last thing on your mind. 

“María told me that–”

“I don’t care what Mapi said.” You snapped. Olga simply raised her eyebrows at you. “I have a headache, Olga, I really don’t want to talk right now.” 

You turned, walking back over to your bed and sitting on the edge. Your posture was stiff, everything about your body language screaming to Olga that Mapi had been right, that something was really wrong. 

“But you know you can talk to me, yes?” Olga called after you. Freezing, the words sent a pang of anxiety through your chest. Another hand, the same ocean of grief. You couldn’t take it. Forcing a smile, you looked up at the brunette. 

“I’m good, I don’t have anything to talk about.” 

Olga sighed again, a sound you were beginning to hate. Her eyes bore into yours, and you knew she didn’t believe you for a second. “I can tell something is not okay. You are not okay. I came home to help you, pequeña.” 

Something between a scoff and a huff of air escaped you. “I am okay. I don’t need your help.” 

Olga shook her head, pulling the sleeves of the oversized Barcelona sweatshirt she was wearing down over her hands and crossing her arms. She looked so concerned, and it made your skin crawl. You couldn’t. You couldn’t. If you said it out loud, that made it true, and a part of you wasn’t prepared to accept that truth yet. 

A beat of silence, then another. Finally, Olga broke eye contact, resigned. 

“Well, if you change your mind, I’m here for you. And I won’t tell Alexia about that,” she nodded her head at your arm, “but you need to.” 

That, at least, you already knew. 

—

As luck would have it, no one’s paths really crossed the day Alexia came home. She’d stopped at her mother’s house for her Uncle’s birthday dinner, and by the time she got home, you were in bed, asleep. It had been oddly quiet on your end while she’d been gone, which she had chalked up to frustration with your injury. 

Alexia cracked open your door, finding you fast asleep in your bed before walking into her bedroom, body drooping with exhaustion. Captaincy duties had kept her in Madrid for an extra day, and she’d gone straight from the airport to her Mami’s house. She was more than ready to take a quick shower and collapse into bed before she inevitably had to get going again for the training session in the morning. It was just recovery, but still. 

As she entered her room, feelings of both love and sadness washed over her. The bed was still made, a soft pair of pajamas and a soothing face mask laid out on the bed for Alexia by her girlfriend. It made her smile, just briefly. Though Olga had gone to spend the night at own parent’s house, she’d thought to do something so simple and so kind for Alexia. 

Alexia stepped in closer to the bed, her lips quirking up into a small grin as she noticed the pajamas Olga had laid out were her favorite pair. Something on her nightstand caught her eye, though, a piece of paper with Olga’s familiar neat cursive marking it. 

Something is up with pequeña. I promised her I wouldn’t say anything, but go easy on her, and see if she’ll talk to you tomorrow after training. I love you. Olga. 

Alexia studied the note closely, feeling like she was missing something. You’d been fine when she left… and now you weren’t? Something was so wrong Olga felt the need to warn her yet still wouldn’t give Alexia a clue as to what was wrong because she’d promised you she wouldn’t? It was all odd, to say the least, but Alexia truly didn’t have the energy to try to figure it out at the moment. Instead, she set the note aside to be dealt with in the morning, and began her nighttime routine. 

Completely unaware that on just the other side of the wall, you were sobbing into your pillow, wishing for anything at all to make the pain stop, even if it was just for a second. 

—

You managed to keep it a secret until the next day, at training. Alexia had kept a very close eye on you all morning, which was odd, but you weren’t really paying attention to it. It was obvious you were just going through the motions, numbly and robotically hugging Alexia back when you wandered into the kitchen for breakfast, politely listening to Alexia’s stories from camp in the car. Still, her eyes were on you, and you didn’t think she was the only one watching. 

You’d almost made it through training, in fact, just pulling on a fresh shirt before you headed home when you heard Alexia’s sharp voice ring out through the locker room. 

“What is that?” She hissed. 

You jumped away from her like her words had scalded you, immediately tensing and crossing your arms over your chest. Your shirt was fully on, now, so the rest of your teammates were looking at you in confusion. Well, all of them except for Mapi. 

Alexia stomped closer, grabbing your arm and shoving your sleeve up once again. “You got a tattoo!” She gasped. “What were you thinking?! Who did it? Who would do this to a child? This is unacceptable, you are too young to be making a decision like this–” 

“Well, in Barcelona, actually, the age without parental consent for a tattoo is 16, and nena is 17.” Pina piped up from behind your captain. You shot her what you hoped was a grateful look, but you were pretty sure it just came across as terrified. Alexia turned slowly in Pina’s direction, glaring at the young forward for a moment. 

She was visibly fuming, nostrils flared, face red, vein in her forehead beginning to pop out. Angry Alexia was not a person anyone wanted to cross, and before she even had to speak a single word, Pina was throwing her bag over her shoulder, grabbing Patri’s hand, and all but dragging her out of the locker room. It would have been amusing if you weren’t so utterly terrified. 

You shrunk under Alexia’s gaze, and she tried to remember Olga’s note, telling her to go easy on you because something was wrong. All Alexia could think about, though, was when you’d promised her, sworn to her that you wouldn’t get a tattoo before you turned 18 and had properly considered what you wanted. It wasn’t so much the tattoo as it was the blatant breaking of a promise you’d made her. Well, it was the tattoo, too. 

Wordlessly, Alexia grabbed your wrist and pulled you out of the locker room and into the hall. You knew better than to try to pull away. She was going to yell, it was just a matter of location. 

“What were you thinking?” Alexia asked, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at you. All she saw was a kid, a kid who had been left alone for a week and broken a promise she’d made. A kid who’d just permanently inked something into her skin without so much as running the idea by anyone who cared for her. 

And you… well, you were a shell of yourself, truly. Somewhere deep inside you, anger began to bubble up. 

“I was thinking that I am legally allowed to get a tattoo.” You stated plainly. 

“You promised me that–”

“Well, I changed my mind.” You interrupted. “I am an adult, I’m allowed to change my mind.” 

“You are not an adult! Are you insane? This is not a decision an adult would make, I do not understand how you can stand here in front of me without any guilt–…”

 You began to tune your captain out, because she’d gotten that one part wrong. You felt guilt. Guilt and regret and pain. She didn’t even know the half of it, and she hadn’t even tried to ask. 

Olga and Mapi, they’d known something was wrong, but you hadn’t wanted to talk to them. If Alexia had asked, you would have told her, but instead she was shouting, yelling at you like you’d done something wrong and it was all too much for you to take. Without thinking about the consequences, you shoved past Alexia and made a break for the door, breaking into a full sprint as you exited the building. You weren’t sure where you were going, just somewhere far. Far away from questions and feelings and disappointment. 

—

Somehow, you ended up sitting under a tree in a park near Alexia’s house. It was an unconscious decision. Sometimes you’d come here to facetime Jackie, and both of you could pretend you were in the same place, back home. Pretend you were under the familiar branches, sitting in the patchy shade the tree provided. If you closed your eyes, you could imagine the trunk behind you, with both of your initials carved into the bark. 

But this wasn’t a lemon tree. Jackie wasn’t next to you. She wasn’t even on the phone with you. Jackie was gone. And for the first time, you felt the gravity of what that meant hit you fully in the chest. Because it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fucking fair. 

Jackie would never get to leave your hometown like you had. You wouldn’t grow up together. She wouldn’t come see you play at Camp Nou. She’d never become a vet like she wanted to. She’d never hug you again. 

And you… you’d never have a chance to tell her the truth. To grab her hand in yours and whisper the words you’d been terrified for years to say. You’d never know what it felt like to have her lips on yours, to hear her heartbeat in your ear as you fell asleep. You’d never know what she would have said when you told her that you’d been in love with her for years. That there wasn’t anyone else on earth for you. All you wanted was her. 

She’d never get to know that.

You’d never get to know if she felt the same way. 

The not knowing… that was almost as painful as her being gone. But not quite. Because you’d make a deal with the devil in a minute if you could, settle to just be her best friend if you could have her back. Having her in your life, in any capacity, would be better than the aching emptiness that currently suffocated you. 

You hadn’t known life without Jackie since you were very small. And secretly, you’d hoped you’d never know life without her. You dreamed of her moving to Barcelona, into an apartment the two of you shared. Bickering over the decor, and making sure she didn’t study too hard. 

With Jackie gone, she took that dream with her, and the reality you’d suddenly give anything to have back. 

Your best friend was never coming back. You didn’t care about football, or Alexia, or tattoos, or any of it. You just wanted Jackie back. 

It wasn’t entirely clear to you when the tears had started, but you didn’t think they’d be stopping anytime soon, and it was starting to get dark out. Crying your eyes out under a tree in a park as the sun set below the horizon didn’t seem like a phenomenal plan. And though it felt like a gargantuan task, you sat up and took a few deep breaths. 

It wasn’t lost on you that while your entire argument hinged on being an adult, you were not acting like one right now. You swiped at your face, trying to rid it of tears while you pulled your phone out of your pocket. You had 15 missed calls from Alexia, 10 from Olga, and a handful from a few of your other teammates. It was mostly annoying, honestly, until you opened your text chain with Alexia. She was panicked to begin, beside herself after her 6th test. 

Come home, now.

We need to talk about this.

Tell me where you are, I will come get you.

Nena, this is not funny. Answer the phone.

I know you are upset with me, but you need to answer. Now.

Just tell me that you are safe, please.

Nena?

You felt bad for worrying Alexia, and disappearing, but somewhere in between your sadness and your guilt,  anger had taken root. Replying to Alexia over text, as opposed to calling her, was fueled by your anger. And maybe a bit of fear. 

It was a short walk home, not nearly enough time for you to rid your face of all evidence of your emotional breakdown. Maybe, though, Alexia would stop and listen, if she saw the state you were in. 

Gripping the knob in your hand, you took a deep breath. You pushed the door open warily, and Alexia stopped her pacing to turn just in time to see you walk into the house. You were still a bit tearful, and still very angry, but Alexia didn’t care. She crossed the room in a few long strides, placing her hands on both your cheeks. 

“Are you okay?” She asked urgently, eyes flitting over you to check for injuries. Honestly. You’d been gone for two hours. 

“I’m fine.” You snapped, shoving her hands away from your face. That was all it took for Alexia’s face to drop into one of anger. Or maybe, the anger was just veiling her hurt. Either way, she was suddenly just as furious as you. 

“What were you thinking? Running off like that, not telling me where you went. You are irresponsible and thoughtless, and this is exactly why you are not mature enough to be making permanent decisions about your body, like getting a tattoo. I am so angry with you, nena-” 

“Leave. Me. Alone.” You scowled, shoving Alexia’s hands even further away from you. “I am an adult,”

“Adults do not storm off for several hours. Adults do not act like you are acting, and I-”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about! You don’t understand!” You knew you sounded like a teenage cliche, but you were past caring. 

“I do understand. You want to feel like an adult, so you make a stupid decision you think is mature-”

“It’s not stupid.” You snapped, anger growing by the second. The insult felt like a knife to the chest. Your lemon tree wasn’t stupid, your Jackie wasn’t stupid. 

“Well, it wasn’t smart! You are going to regret this, look back on it and wish you hadn’t gotten a ridiculous, idiotic tattoo for no reason other than-”

“Shut up!” You yelled. “Shut up Alexia! You have no idea why I got it, you haven’t even asked, you don’t get to yell at me when you haven’t even tried to understand.”

Olga had moved to hover in the doorway, motioning wildly for Alexia to calm down. Alexia’s eye twitched, and she took a few calming breaths. “Then tell me. Help me understand.” 

You didn’t even want to tell her anymore. You didn’t care if she understood or if she forgave you or stayed mad at you forever. You didn’t care about anything. All the fight seemed to drain out of your body, eyes fixing on your shoes as you finally told the truth. 

“My best friend from home… she died, last week, while you were away. I got it for her.” 

Alexia’s jaw dropped in horror, regret hitting her like a train. God, what had she done?

“I… oh, nena. I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t. I don’t need your pity, I just need you to leave me alone.” With that, you turned on your heel and headed for your room, 

—

You wished you didn’t need Alexia. You wished you could take the space you’d asked for, wished you could hold onto your anger and make her hurt the way she’d hurt you. As it was, though, you couldn’t. You managed 20 minutes alone in your room, sobbing into your pillow before you pulled your phone out. It was too much, it was all too much, and you knew that despite the colossal fight you’d just had with her, Alexia would want to help you. And you needed help.

Your breaths were coming in short gasps, spots dotting your vision. You weren’t even sure if you were still crying, or just hyperventilating, or maybe dying, but you had tried and failed to calm yourself down. You threw your pride to the side, and sent the text. 

Help please.

It had barely been marked delivered for a second before you heard Alexia’s thundering steps heading for the stairs, pounding up them, and then she was throwing your door open. She took one look at you before turning and shouting down the stairs to her girlfriend. 

“Olga, get her medicine from the cabinet please!” 

And then her hands were pulling yours away from your face, her comforting voice breaking through the deep ringing in your ears. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay. You just need to breathe, slow down and let yourself breathe.” She encouraged, shifting so that she was sat next to you. Her hand began to slide up and down your back, and you gripped at her free hand in panic. 

“I-I can’t-” 

Your captain shushed you softly, using her free hand to turn your face in her direction. “You can, just slow down, everything is okay.” 

How could she say that? How could anything be okay? 

“It hurts,” you sobbed, burying your face in your hands and leaning into Alexia’s embrace. 

“I know.” Her voice sounded choked up, her hands shaking just barely as she pulled you in tighter. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” 

Your chest burned with a need for oxygen, but just in time you heard footsteps rushing into the room, and Olga was pulling your hands away from your face, your anxiety medication in hand. Everything seemed slightly blurry, slightly out of focus, as you took the small pill and a sip of water from the glass in Olga’s hand. You could hear both of them talking, but the words weren’t processing in your head, which was pounding with an incessant headache suddenly. Flopping back onto the bed, you shut your eyes tightly, pressing the heels of your hands to your face. 

It seemed as though the unintelligible voices quieted, Alexia probably realizing you weren’t quite there with her anymore. You felt her grip your hand in hers, and you focused on the rise and fall of your chest, picturing your lungs steadily filling and emptying over and over until it no longer felt like someone had your chest in a vice. Alexia’s voice began to filter through again, soft reassurances whispered in the very quiet room. 

“You’re okay, hermanita.” Alexia murmured. She slipped and called you that sometimes; little sister. You pretended to hate it, normally, but now you just squeezed her hand tighter. 

 “You can breathe, you are safe.” Her voice was comforting in a way you couldn’t explain, washing over you and reinforcing the similar mantras you were repeating to yourself. You were okay. You could breathe. You were safe. 

Somehow, you felt yourself getting drowsy. Probably a combination of the anxiety medicine, the intense emotional stress of the day, and the fact that you’d barely slept the last few days. Eyes falling shut, you felt the bed shift next to you. Soon, a blanket was being draped over your body, a gentle kiss pressed to your forehead. 

“Rest, nena. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” 

You let yourself drift off, hoping somewhere in your head that you’d dream of Jackie. 

—

It felt like hours had passed when you woke, and the numbers on the clock agreed with that sentiment. Your body felt stiff, your head still ached, but you didn’t feel as though you were suffocating anymore. Gingerly, you rose from your bed. You had to face the music; better to get it over with now than wait and make the anticipation worse. Unsure of what awaited you, you cautiously crept downstairs, hearing the soft murmur of several different voices. They fell quiet as you shuffled down the hall and turned into the living room, Finding Alexia and Mapi sitting in the armchairs next to the window. 

Wordlessly, you moved over to the sofa, falling down onto it and waiting for the impending… well, you weren’t sure. Maybe they’d yell. More likely they’d have a billion questions. You’d almost prefer the yelling. 

“Feeling better?” Alexia inquired, shifting in her chair to face you instead of Mapi. Her fading blonde hair was in a lopsided ponytail, as if she’d thrown it up while pacing, something you’d seen her do more than once. Mapi, too, looked stressed, her fingers fidgeting and pulling at her cuticles in her lap. 

“Yeah.” You shrugged. In a very general, baseline way, you supposed you did feel better.

It was quiet for a moment longer, and you really couldn’t take it anymore. The silence was heavy, weighted, and it was grating on your nerves. “Just you two here? I expected half the team.” 

Mapi, bless her, cracked a smile, but Alexia remained solemn. 

“They wanted to come, but we decided it would be better just us for now.” Mapi explained. You were about to reply with another quip when Alexia seemed to burst, unable to contain her questions for a moment longer. 

“Nena, why didn’t you tell me about your friend? Why didn’t you tell anyone about it?” 

You shrugged. “You were all busy with your national teams. I didn’t want to bother you, and you were all far away. I dealt with it myself, it’s fine.”

“It is not fine. You lost someone important to you, and you did not tell me. You did not tell Olga, you did not tell Mapi when you saw her. You were all alone dealing with this.” Alexia’s voice seemed to waver and you flinched. This was why you hadn’t said anything. You didn’t want to burden anyone else with your issue. 

‘Did you not think we’d care? I would have come home in an instant if you’d called–”

“I know you would’ve. I didn’t want you to.” You cut in, trying to assuage Alexia’s guilt, but somehow only making it worse. 

“But why?” 

“I just needed to… process. I need to figure it out, and I didn’t want to talk about it.” 

Alexia still looked bewildered, but Mapi was nodding sympathetically. 

“That’s okay. I know Ale is doing a really bad job of showing it but we aren’t mad at you. We are just worried, we just want to help.” 

You nodded mechanically, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. How you weren’t cried out to the point of dehydration, you weren’t sure. 

Alexia cleared her throat. “I.. I’m just so sorry. This was Jackie, yes? Your best friend?” 

Best friend. Yes, she was. She’d never be more than that. You’d lost the person you loved and your best friend in one fell swoop, and the agony of that reminder didn’t fail to bring tears to your eyes again. wordlessly, you nodded, resting your elbows on your knees and putting your face in your hands. 

You felt both Alexia and Mapi move closer, squeezing onto the sofa on either side of you, but the comfort suddenly felt suffocating. 

“Please, guys, just leave me alone. I just need a minute and I’ll get it together.” You mumbled, trying to stand and make a break for it. Two sets of hands pulled you back down, though. 

“No. You are crying, I am not going to leave you alone. I am going to sit right here. We can talk or we can just sit, but I am here for you, okay? You do not have to deal with this alone.” Alexia promised, her voice thick with emotion. Mapi’s hand rested on your back, hand running soothing circles over your shirt. 

It was at this moment that you knew you couldn’t keep it in any longer. try as you might, Alexia and Mapi weren’t leaving you to deal with this on your own, weren’t letting you deal with this on your own. You’d never been able to tell Jackie your true feelings. But they had to be shared, had to exist outloud or you were sure the love you had for her would fade in time, and you never wanted that to happen. 

“I loved her.” You admitted quietly. 

“I know. She was your best friend–” Mapi soothed, squeezing your knee with her free hand. 

You interrupted her, pulling your hands from your face and looking between your teammates with bloodshot eyes. “No. I.. I loved her.” 

Mapi and Alexia froze almost simultaneously, matching shocked looks etched into their faces. Then, Alexia was wrapping her arms so tight around you that it hurt, pulling you into her. 

“Oh, nena.” She whispered. 

You were crying again before you could even try to stop it. 

“I never got to tell her. She never knew. And now she’s gone, and she’ll never know.” 

It was too much pain for one person to carry, more than both Alexia and María knew they’d be able to handle well. And you were so young, and so shattered. They didn’t have the right words to fix this, at least they didn’t think they did. All they could do was try. 

“She knows now. She knows how much you love her now.” María said quietly. 

Your bottom lip quivered as you looked at her, so much hope in your eyes that Mapi almost cried herself. 

“Do you think so?” Maybe you were desperate to believe anything that would make you feel better, at this point. But you didn’t really care. 

“She knows.” Alexia affirmed. 

Nodding shakily, you fixed your gaze on the fluffy white carpet underneath you. “I don’t know how to do any of this without her. I don’t want to.” 

Your teammates sighed, exchanging a glance as they shifted closer to you. 

“I don’t know how to help you.” Alexia admitted. “But we’re going to figure it out together, sí? Whatever you need, however you need to process this. We’re here. You aren’t alone, pequeña.” 

Mapi hummed her agreement, and you seemed to relax for the first time all day. Perhaps this whole time, that was all you needed to hear. 

That even if no one could make it better with a snap of their fingers, you weren’t alone. 

You settled back onto the couch, squished in between your two teammates, somehow knowing that fact, even if they hadn’t said it. 

Nothing was fixed, your very soul still hurt. But you weren’t alone. 

—

i did not proofread and i dont love the ending but here we are! i hope you enjoy <3

[glitterquadricorn]

His name is Chuck - LN4

+summary: what do you get a man that can literally get anything he wants at a moment's notice? why a puppy of course! +pairing: Lando Norris x Reader +warnings: mentions a pregnancy scare, mentions cheating (no cheating happens), semi-edited. a/n: this was supposed to be out months ago... oops. I do not give my permission to have my work reposted. I do not give my permission to have my work translated. If I'm notified that you've stolen my work or claim it as your own, you'll be asked to take it down before I'll report you. End of discussion.

What do you get someone that can afford to get anything their heart desires? It seemed like nothing that came to mind was good enough. She could get him the same thing she did the first year they were together for his birthday, which was a brand new, muted orange, lace lingerie set. But repeat birthday gifts were tacky in her opinion. And it's not like she couldn't get him another one of those boudoir books because the last time she did, it led to a pregnancy scare.

Whenever his birthday did come around, they'd most likely wouldn't even be in Monaco, much less in England. It's sometimes hard to plan things around his racing schedule but she wouldn't have it any other way.

"What are you watching?"

Jumping, placing a hand over her chest, "Jesus Christ, Lando! What is wrong with you!"

Lando laughed as he walked around the couch and sat next to her, noticing she was watching the most recent video Mclaren posted of him playing with puppies. Y/n saw the corners of Lando's mouth turn upwards into a smile. It was at this moment she knew what she was going to get Lando for his birthday. Only problem was where she was going to get it and where she was going to keep it until his birthday.

"I had a lot of fun playing with those puppies," he paused. "It makes me wish we weren't so busy traveling to and from countries for races, you know?"

"I can rearrange and clear some things from my schedule so I could be with the dog at all times."

"There's no need to do that, love."

Y/n saw a flash of sadness in Lando's eyes before he rested his head on her shoulder. Despite him saying she didn't need to move things around; she wanted to because that's what you do when you love someone. So, when Lando went off to go stream with Max, she texted Alex.

y/n -> albonooo

how much do you love me?

albonooo -> y/n

what did you do?

y/n -> albonooo

it's not about what I did, but what I'm about to do.

I need a huge favor.

albonooo -> y/n

I feel like I'm about to regret hearing you out but carry on.

y/n -> albonooo

Lando's birthday is coming up and everyone knows that Lando is a hard man to shop for. Mclaren recently did a video playing with puppies and I wanted to get him a puppy for his birthday.

albonooo -> y/n

okay, so what does this have to do with me?

y/n -> albonooo

I'm glad you asked!

When I get the puppy, I need somewhere to put them until his actual birthday.

albonooo -> y/n

Why me though?

y/n -> albonooo

if you and Lily got another animal no one would question it. In case you forgot, you guys practically have a zoo.

albonooo -> y/n

fair.

Now that she had a place to put the puppy once she got it, the next step was to talk to someone over at Battersea. The first phone call she made, no one answered. No one answering wasn't that big of a deal since they were probably busy, and she'd just call back later. When she called back hours later, the woman she spoke to was less than helpful. In fact, she wasn't really directing her in the direction she wanted to go, and the frustration was growing by the minute. Her fingers rubbed her temple, wondering if getting Lando a puppy for his birthday was a good idea.

And the search for a puppy didn't get any better as the weeks went by. Every time she thought she had found the perfect puppy, something would happen, and she'd be back at square one. But just as she was ready to give up and throw the towel in, she had gotten a call from her aunt saying a friend of hers' dog had puppies five weeks ago and could come and pick one out.

There's just one issue.

This person was in England and she's in Monaco.

When she told Lando she wasn't able to attend the Brazilian GP because of a business meeting back in England, he had reassured her it was fine, but she could tell from his eyes he was a little upset. Seeing that look in his eyes made her feel guilty for lying to him since she's never lied to him about anything in their relationship. She had to remind herself that it's a gift for this birthday and it'll be one that he'll never forget.

Arriving in England, the drive to her aunt's friend's house was long since they lived pretty far out, but she didn't mind as she watched the landscape change from the bustling city where houses were stacked on top of each other to the wide-open meadows of the quiet English countryside.

Soon, the uber was turning onto the long rocky driveway leading up to a large stone home covered ivy. Standing outside was a man who she assumed to be her aunt's friend.

The man held his hand out for her to shake. "You must be y/n! My name is Richard."

"That's me," she smiled. Richard led them in the house and into the sunroom where the sound of puppies playing warmed her heart. "Oh, my goodness! They're all so cute!"

Richard stood off to the side, "If have you any questions, don't hesitate to ask."

"What breed of dog are they?" she asked, sitting down on the floor. The puppies surrounded her until she threw a ball, but there was one that didn't move from her side.

"Jack Russell Terrier." Richard smiled when the one dog that didn't move from her side crawled into her lap and fell asleep. "Seems like you've been chosen."

"Seems like it."

A warm fuzzy feeling washed over her body as she gently scratched behind the sleeping puppy. In her heart she just knew this was the dog for Lando. Pulling an orange collar from her pocket, she fastened it around his neck, making sure it wasn't too tight.

"You got a name picked out?" Richard said, pushing off the door frame, gesturing to her to follow him.

"No. I'll let my boyfriend pick a name since it's going to be his birthday present."

"A puppy is quite the birthday gift."

"Yeah, but when Lando did that video with those puppies, I could see that look of longing for a puppy, but with our schedules it was not practical for us to get a puppy. Now that things have settled a bit, I want to get him the puppy I know he wants."

Richard reached into a drawer and handed her a manila envelope. "Everything you need is in there."

"Thanks again for this. I was beginning to think I wasn't going to find a puppy in time."

"It's not a problem, y/n." Richard came from around the desk, "Let me walk you out."

The two quietly talked about how the season was going as they walked to the front of the house, but the feeling of anxiety was there. And that anxiety feeling was still there when she knocked on the door of Alex's apartment to drop the puppy and supplies off.

"Alex, please tell me I'm not crazy for getting Lando a puppy for his birthday."

Alex, who gently scratched behind the puppy's ear, "Oh! You're for sure crazy-"

From further in the apartment, Lily shouted, "Ignore him, y/n. I think it's cute you got Lando a dog for his birthday."

Alex watched as the woman shifted her weight from left to right, mumbling under her breath and waving her arms around frantically. "Y/n, listen. Lando has been wanting a puppy for the longest time, so this is a good gift."

"You think so?"

"Yes! Now head home before he finds out you've been here."

The reassurance from Alex made the anxiety she was feeling fall off her shoulders. And as she walked down the hall towards the elevator, she crossed her fingers' hoping Alex was right because at this point, there was no going back.

One of the hardest things she's ever done was keep this big of a secret from Lando. There were a few times were she nearly slipped but thankfully caught herself. But Lando clocked her nervousness and made a mental note of her odd behavior. It wasn't like y/n to act this way, so did something happen? Did she cheat and was hiding it from him?

As it got closer to his birthday, she got more fidgety, which again was not like her. Y/n wouldn't cheat on him, would she? No. She wouldn't. He knows her better than herself. Maybe it was something else, and his mind was just making things up.

Lando woke the morning of his birthday and instinctively reached over to the other side of the bed and noticed you weren't there. Instead, was a note.

If you wake up and I'm not there, I only went to pick up your birthday present from Alex. This is around the time you say, 'she didn't have to get me anything,' but I did. I wanted to. I'll be home shortly.

Love, y/n.

He laid there wondering what y/n got him that she had to go pick up from Alex. It had to have been something big that she couldn't have just kept at their place. But then again, if she did keep it at their place, he probably would've found it and ruined the surprise.

"Listen, when I left this morning daddy was still sleeping, so we got to be quiet."

daddy? what?

The door to their shared bedroom slowly opened and the head of his girlfriend peaked from around the corner to check to see if he was still sleeping and when he wasn't, the door quickly closed.

Lando tossed the covers back, walking over to the door. There stood y/n, but his eyes instantly went to the puppy in her arms. "Uh... who's dog is that?"

"You weren't supposed to be awake, but he's yours."

"Mine? What do you mean?"

"Remember when I said I had a business meeting back in England and couldn't go to the Brazilian gp? I did go back to England, but it wasn't for a business meeting. It was to go get this little fella."

"You got me a dog for my birthday?"

"Yeah," she nodded her head, handing the puppy over to Lando. "I could tell you wanted one when you did that video with puppies at MTC, so I went above and beyond to get you a puppy."

"Does he have a name?"

"I've been calling him Chuck because an actor from a tv show I watched as a kid and their name was Chuck Norris."

"Chuck. His name is Chuck."

---

tagging:

@patzammit @mrspeacem1nusone @alexxavicry @catswag22 @eugene-emt-roe @bibissparkles @cherry-piee @khaylin27 @evie-119 @green-thots @2pagenumb @myescapefromthislife @ironmaiden1313 @lottalove4evelyn @mynameisangeloflife @newlifeforus @jxnellat @loloekie @c-losur3 @czennieszn @d3kstar @reiofsuns2001 @sweate-r-weathe-r @itsjustkhaos @hiireadstuff

[weaselle]

100% !

you have lots of little guys in and on you that are doing you favors right now. Favors like preventing skin conditions and blemishes, favors like keeping you from getting infections.

If you nuke them off your biome it will cause you problems. Your hands do this crazy extra tough skin callous growth trick, and can handle a lot more chemical warfare (but even they have their limits, ask nurses and dishwashers about their hands some time) but the rest of your youness contains a lot of microbial civilians doing their favor jobs in their fragile home environment, and don't need a tidal wave of acidic poison to obliterate them into nothingness.

honestly, unless you've got something on you like paint or sewage or motor oil or something, you shouldn't really need anything other than your hand or a clean cloth and some clean warm water. Most of what soap does is strip the oils off your skin and that alone can cause you problems.

Like soap is good and important and you should especially be washing your hands with soap for good social hygiene, but for mooost of your body, the paradigm has been no soap at all for the last billion years or so, and that continues to be a pretty good option for us. Your body builds itself in the womb following a blueprint that assumes there is no such thing as soap.

There are microbes that have evolved to live only on human skin and we one thousand percent want them there. Clean water (and maybe letting mud dry on us and then peeling it off sometimes) has been the totally great thing we've always used to be clean.

And the water and friction do a great job! Washing your hands with water alone kills almost 80% of bacteria on your hands in studies by the National Institute of Health. Soap merely brings that number to about 92%. So you're still getting rid of most of the baddies you want gone, the microbial civvies on their home turf in your biome will survive and multiply which you want, and the water will get rid of the organic byproducts that make you stinky bad, so that you can stinky good

Again, sanitizers and soaps are important to use on our hands that touch everything we share, most of what is in the world around us, and also our mouths, eyes, and most intimate places, and hands are good at surviving soaps and sanitizers (within reason). And if you want to use soap on your skin everywhere and that's working for you fine, though if you want to smell good, may i recommend getting clean scrubbing with simple water and then using a small misting of some kind of perfume, instead of stripping your skin of the oils your skin needs by lathering soap all over you in the name of smelling better. But soap away if that's your thing.

But please, please use antibacterial soaps and other sterilizing materials as the chemical weapons they are, targeted and purposeful, instead of simply smearing them all over our body every day for no good reason

Because not only all that, but your shower drains into the sewer, and the more antibacterial/antibiotic treatments we wash down into the sewers (which we pee out when we get prescribed antibiotics too, btw) the more certain horrifying illness-causing bacteria evolve to become immune to all antibiotics and sanitizers. It's already quite a serious issue. For example, Bacteria that are resistant to colistin, a last-resort antibiotic we use when nothing else works, has for the first time been detected in Los Angeles County wastewater.

so lets all just calm down a little, with the dousing ourselves in poisonous sterilizing chem baths and taking antibiotics for every little thing. You know all those "pro-biotic" drinks and yogurts and things that are popular now? well those micro-biotics that are so pro for you, they live all throughout your personal biome, not just in your gut. For every one human cell in your body there are approximately 10 microbes. Most of which are doing you favors. Be nice to them.

Antibacterial soap??? For your body???

[mimiiiiiiiiisstuff]

"Waking Up in Vegas"

Prologue, Chapter one:, Chapter 2,Chapter 3, Chapter 4:

ok guys! we're back and reader's hot girl summer has started! Sorry I was gonna put this chapter out earlier today but i've just been so busy today plus i'm cooking up a 3rd part for "older" I got my period AND i have a math test and english essay coming up. If some parts don't make sense, its on purpose. Reader is disoriented and drunk half the time, the days blur together for her. Lmk what yall think of readers hot girl summer and what you want/think will happen in the next chapter .Sorry for any mistakes! Comments, reblogs and ASKS make my dayyyy and encourage me.

Saint-Tropez wasn’t just a place, it was a playground, a haven for those who didn’t care about consequences or anyone else’s rules.

And you? Well, you were done with rules.

For the last two weeks, you’d been living like this, untouchable, free, and completely lying to your family.

You had told Bruce you were staying with Ariel and her father, which was true, for the first two days anyway.

Ariel's father is a busy man, he couldn't take 2 and a half months off work to babysit two 16 year olds who would do what they wanted anyway. As soon as he left, Ariel began calling your two other close friends, Claire and Rory. Together, all four of you were unstoppable at school though it was an unspoken rule that you and Ariel were the dynamic duo. All four of you stayed in Ariel's ocean front villa, relaxing, tanning, and just getting settled.

God, let's not even start on how drastically everything changed while you were at boarding school and the family found out Tiffany's true colors. They were all so.....protective now. You got calls everyday, from each of your 'siblings' separately, dozens of texts asking you what you ate, who you were with, and what you were doing. You didn't entertain them. The only person you replied to was Bruce, and that's only because you knew if he wanted to, he could call off this whole trip.

You didn't answer Tim's random, vague questions like, "Who's that on your story? Do you know them? Are you sure they're safe to be with?" He was asking about a simple sunset dinner picture you posted with Ariel, so you blocked him. He's way too nosy.

You didn't reply to the groupchat the girls, Barbra, Steph, and Cass added you in called "The girls!!"

What a creative name!

You left after you saw 'Tiffany was removed from this conversation'. Maybe you were being petty but they obviously had this chat before and didn't bother to add you to it before Tiffany was exposed. It was your turn to ignore them.

You definitely didn't reply to Damian's outright threatening messages that he sent almost every other day, they all sounded something along the lines of "You will regret this. You cannot simply leave and run away from your family. Come home or else."

He's such a strange little boy, he spoke and acted like an angry Victorian prince. He texted you like you were close before, like it wasn't him who pushed you away. You were coming back in two months and yet he acted like ran away and changed your name.

Jason, Bruce, and Dick were the most consistent and annoying, in that order exactly.

Jason texted you every morning at 8 and every night 11, like clockwork. His texts were daily updates what he was planning on doing that day, asking you the same, and reminding you that he's sorry and that he loves you. It tugged at your heart not to answer him, and sometimes, you gave in and you could feel the joy in his response when you replied. You and Jason's conversations went like this, on the odd occasion you replied,

"Good morning." - Jason

"How are you? No trouble in paradise I hope."- Jason

"My days gonna be pretty dull today, nothing much except patrol. Might go to that bookstore you used to like." - Jason

Your cold heart would melt when he said things like that and you would reply,

"awww! jason, thats so sweet." and follow with "I'm good!! how bout you??? staying out of trouble?"

Jason was your softest spot and he knew it.

Bruce texted you three times a day. Morning, afternoon, and evening. His messages were dry and authorative, demanding answers. He wanted to know who you were with, what you were doing, if you left the house, and if you were okay. The fatherly care and authority isn't something your used to, it was strange. You weren't sure if you felt cared for or suffocated. You answered Bruce once a day, your tone straight to the point, answering only what he asked, nothing more.

Dick is by far the worst. He texted you constantly, as if trying to make up for 11 years of not texting you at all. He texted you when he woke up, when he slept, when he ate, what he ate, and sent you pictures of everything. Once he sent you a picture of a tiny bird saying it reminded him of you. You nearly blocked him after that, the only reason you didn't was because you liked how desperate he was. Not long ago, it was you spamming him like that. Plus he can be funny most of the time. You don't even want to think of the constant selfies he sent. You only ever replied once.

Dick sent a selfie of him hanging with some of the Titans, you forgot why or what he said along with it, but you do remember seeing Connor Kent shirtless in the background. You giggled and showed Ariel how hot he is. You replied to Dick almost instantly hearting the picture, screen shotting it, and drawing a heart around Connor saying something like, "WHO DAT IN THE BACK????" and "Tell superboy to hmu".

Dick was not happy about that, that was the last group selfie he ever sent. He got more frequent with his texts after that. He must've snitched to Jason because not even five minutes after you got a text from him.

"Remember what I said. No boys, i'll kick his ass." - Jason

You ignored him of course.

The sun beat down in the south of France, but you were far from concerned with the blistering heat. Not when there was a private yacht at your disposal, a poolside filled with strangers and familiar faces alike, and the soundtrack of Drake keeping your pulse racing. You felt the vibration of your phone against your palm for the third time in ten minutes. Another text from Bruce. He was becoming more insistent you answer him the longer you were gone. It's only been two weeks! Another "where are you?" or "be careful." As if you were gonna listen. Or reply to him.

Bruce. The man who'd ignored you for the better part of your life, suddenly acting like a worried father because Tiffany, the perfect sister, had betrayed them all. Tiffany, the adopted daughter who had somehow replaced you in their world. Now, she was the enemy, the traitor, the spy, and she was gone. That meant you had all the freedom you could ever want.

The more you thought about Tiffany the angrier you got. She had everything. How many summers has she spent on yatchs partying? How many times has she blown thousands of Bruce's dollars? Why were you forgiving them so easily? Why were you even listening to him?

Just because he apologized and said he'd change?

Why should you forgive Jason so easily and respect his rules, he ignored you for years and replaced you with Tiffany. The more you drank, the more you thought and the angrier you got. Who do they think they are? You've always been too nice, too obedient, and they're still taking advantage of it. You'd show them, show them what its like to be ignored and forgotten and made fun of.

For the next two months, you were going to ignore them. Bruce and jason included. You've been too nice, too good these two weeks, your friends were begging to party but you didn't want to, you were scared of disappointing them.

You were so angry nothing changed in you that you finally caved and decided to do what Claire and Rory were doing, give your phone to a worker here and have them turn the location on and send updates to Bruce. You still used the same icloud so you could read their messages and make sure they weren't suspicous.

He'd think you were always at the villa or just going into town, they won't know what hit them.

You turn to Ariel and grin, "I'm free. What are we doing tonight?" You were done obeying their rules and living your life for them. Who knows when you'd be alone in Europe with your best friends again.

Ariel hopped off her chair and squealed, her dark skin glowing from the sun, she grabbed you and twirled you around, your giggles echoing through the yacht and drawing Claire and Rory's attention.

Ariel grinned and explained to Rory and Claire, "Little Miss good girl finally came to her senses and went M.I.A with her dad. Now we can finally party! Hot girl summer starts now."

All three girls start squealing and join Ariel in her celebration.

You rolled your eyes feeling guilty, "I told you, you could've gone without me!"

Ariel wrapped her arm around you, "Nonsense, it's not a party without you. Now, come on we gotta go shopping if we're going out tonight. It's lucky that we both have daddy's black cards. It's really lucky that they have Dior, Hermes, and YSL down the street."

You weren't sure how much you spent and the drinks kept you from feeling guilty. Bruce is like, a bajilionaire, what you spent won't make a dent.

Somehow, you ended up on an even bigger yacht filled with guys, in your brand new Dior bikini with a matching bag.

By the time night fell, the yacht was buzzing, the VIP lounge overrun by people who hadn’t even been invited. The bass was so loud you felt it in your bones. You didn’t care. You've never felt so alive.

Your new phone wasn't getting any messages except DMs, and the woman you hired confirming Bruce thought you were sound asleep in the villa.

You can practically taste the summer air as you step onto the deck of the boat, laughing with Ariel and your friends and the others you’ve met along the way. No one cares about where you’ve been, where you’re going, or who your family is.

As the DJ cranks up the volume, a cute guy with long blonde hair catches your eye. You wink at him and saunter over. This summer is all about freedom, and you’re ready for it. His hands are already on your waist, pulling you close, and suddenly you’re lost in the rhythm, spinning and laughing, his lips brushing against your ear.

The night wears on, you drink more, laugh louder, flirt harder. The yacht turns into a blur of lights, drinks, and music. As midnight rolls around, the party shows no signs of slowing. You could stay here forever, with no rules but your own.

But then it happens. You wake up in a completely different city.

London.

You’re sprawled on a plush couch in a ridiculously luxurious flat, a half-empty bottle of champagne next to you. The room smells like expensive perfume, and the decor is all sleek lines and minimalist chic. You sit up slowly, your head pounding from last night.

You sit up straighter, rubbing your eyes.You vaguely remember a private jet, but it’s all blurry. One moment, you were on the deck of the yacht, living it up, and the next, you're waking up in an entirely new country.

You look around the room in panic and spot Ariel sleeping on the couch and a random guy, butt naked on the floor next to her. You sigh in relief at Ariel being okay and the fact you weren't kidnapped.

There’s a knock at the room door, and when you answer, it's a random guy from last night, British accent, disheveled hair, wearing nothing but boxer shorts. He grins at you sheepishly. “Hey, you good?”

You, Ariel, the naked boy named Christian, and the Brit named Thomas, have breakfast and exchange stories of what you remember from last night. It was fun, but you and Ariel flew back to St. Tropez where a jealous Claire and a worried Rory were waiting.

Last night was fun, but it couldn't happen again. It was dangerous and if anything happened Bruce wouldn't know.

Except it did happen again, and again, all summer long.

The next weeks were a blur, Venice, Monaco, and Madrid, with stops in Dubai and Los Angeles along the way. Each city more vibrant and intoxicating than the last. Every place you went, you had the freedom to be whoever you wanted to be. There was always a fresh crop of people, and you reveled in not having to answer to anyone. No father, no brothers, no sisters, just you and your friends against the world.

You and Ariel lived your lives like you were gonna die tomorrow. You were unstoppable, no family, no rules, no responsibility. Your abilities weren't acting up at all, everything was perfect. Bruce and the family were off your back, being made to think you were at the villa all day.

The “No Boys Rule” was completely disregarded, though. It seemed that whenever you let your guard down for just a moment, you’d end up surrounded by someone new. Whether it was a guy from a club in Monaco or a guy you met on a private yacht in Venice, you were always finding someone new

Despite all the parties, the alcohol, and the private Instagram posts, and funny Tik Toks, there was still a growing sense that you weren’t living this life for you, you were living it for the rebellion, to spite Bruce.

It wasn’t just about freedom anymore. It was about finally being seen, even if that meant drifting away from everyone you once called family.

You only had one month left of absolute freedom, and you were gonna make the most of it. With Ariel, Rory, and Claire by your side, you partied in just about every city.

The final month of your wild European escapade had arrived, and things were only getting wilder.

The clock had no meaning anymore. Days and nights blended into each other as you danced from one city to the next, your world a whirlwind of music, champagne, and endless laughter. Ariel, Rory, and Claire had become your partners in crime, literally when you got arrested, but thats not important.

Each morning you woke up in a new place, groggy and confused, only to remember the night before—flashing lights, pounding beats, and the promise of more. Cannes, Monte Carlo, Paris, or Dubai, it didn’t matter. What mattered was the freedom you’d found in them, and in yourself. You were more than the neglected, ignored girl from Gotham; now, you were the life of the party.

there was always someone waiting to whisk you away to the next nightclub, the next gala, the next beach party where the world’s richest men tried to get your attention.

First, it was Paris. You could feel the eyes on you as soon as you entered the hotel lobby. The air smelled of expensive perfume, freshly polished marble, and the faintest trace of guilt, because in some corner of your mind, you could still hear Bruce’s voice echoing in your ears. But it quickly faded as the first private yacht rolled up to the dock. The deck was crowded with Parisian socialites and half-drunk billionaires, but it wasn’t about the crowd, it was about the feeling of being wanted. Being worshipped.

It was in Paris that you really started feeling the distance between you and the life you’d left behind. The champagne flowed easily, the laughter came effortlessly, but there was an ache you hadn’t anticipated. A pang that struck at the edges of your satisfaction, the kind you couldn’t drink away.

You thought about Bruce. His pleading words, his desperation, and how, for a moment, you almost felt sorry for him. But only for a moment. You couldn’t let him win. Couldn’t let them see that you’d needed them. Because that would mean giving up everything you had now, the freedom, the endless nights, the city hopping, the boys who adored you.

You let it all sink in, just for a second, how much control you had over them now. How much they wanted you back, how much they needed you back. It felt good, knowing that you could walk away and have them chase after you, like you used to chase them.

Maybe it was the brief, fleeting moments when you thought about Gotham, about Bruce, about your family, and how none of it felt real anymore. They’d played their games, ignored you, and now it was your turn.

Meanwhile, your phone was a constant buzz of messages. Tim had sent at least five texts, each one more urgent than the last. Jason called twice, his voice sharp and filled with that annoying overprotectiveness he just developed. And Bruce… well, Bruce sent you one long, pleading message, something about understanding, about giving him another chance, and answering his calls. You didn’t even bother reading it all. You didn’t need to. You didn’t care enough to respond.

You had no intention of being tied down by anyone, but when a French prince with dark, tousled hair and eyes that burned through your soul offered you a glass of champagne and a seat next to him, you took it.

You didn’t even have to look for him, he found you. He was the one with the perfect jawline, the one who could be a model if he wasn’t already a prince. His eyes, blue locked onto yours the second you entered the VIP area. A raised brow, a subtle smirk, and you knew that for tonight, he was yours.

You didn’t speak much. He didn’t ask questions, and that was the kind of energy you craved. A few words, some flirting, fleeting touches, and then you were in his Lambo, the leather seats smooth under your skin as the city sped by. He went as fast as you wanted, loving the thrill and impressed look in your eyes.

The thrill was intoxicating, the feeling of being someone else, someone free. The kind of person who didn’t have to answer to anyone. A few hours later, you were standing on a balcony, watching the sunrise, your lips tingling from the kiss he’d stolen.

Your mind was a haze of laughter and the aftertaste of expensive whiskey. The view of the French Riviera was far too beautiful to appreciate right now, and your thoughts wandered back to Gotham, to the family you’d abandoned, the ones who had never cared for you.

But as the days wore on, it was harder to ignore the hollow feeling creeping in. The message from Dick, the one where he told you that he loved you, stayed in your mind longer than it should have. You told yourself it didn’t matter. You didn’t owe him anything. But you couldn’t help but wonder, just for a second, what it would have been like if things were different.

You turned away from those thoughts quickly. You couldn’t afford to get attached. Not now. Not when you were on the verge of something bigger. The freedom you had now was everything you wanted. No one could take that from you.

You couldn’t let them control you. You wouldn’t let them.

You and Ariel were inseparable now, pulling Claire and Rory into your whirlwind of recklessness. You all had your roles, Ariel was the carefree partier, Claire the quiet one who always managed to keep ya'll out of trouble, and Rory was the one always ready with a camera and a new Tik Tok idea. You were the star, the one they all gravitated toward.

Each day was a new city, a new set of challenges, a new set of eyes who wanted to be close to you. You knew the game, knew how to play it. You knew how to keep them guessing, how to make them want you more.

So, you danced. You partied. You lived in the moment and let your life spiral further from Gotham’s grasp.

From there, it was off to the next city.

Las Vegas; Sin City, there was no place like it. You couldn’t even remember how you got there, your mind fuzzy with a mix of adrenaline and whatever was in that last glass of tequila. The strip was lit up like daylight, people everywhere, the air thick with smoke and the sound of slot machines ringing through the night.

You woke up in a penthouse suite that could have been mistaken for an entire floor of the Bellagio, the morning sunlight filtering through the floor-to-ceiling windows. And there he was, a prince. The same French prince, draped in a robe embroidered with gold thread, a fresh glass of mimosas on the table beside him. He was smirking, lounging on the couch like this was all part of his daily routine. You couldn’t even remember how you got to the suite. What had happened between the bar and now? You didn’t care.

He didn’t seem to care either, his hand casually tracing the rim of his glass, his eyes never leaving you. You laughed, feeling the surrealness of it all wash over you, the weight of your last 48 hours in Ibiza and Monaco still fresh on your skin. One minute, you were dancing at a celebrity’s secret after-party in Monaco, and the next, you were here, on the other side of the world with some mysterious prince who had probably already forgotten your name.

The rest of the night was spent taking private jet rides to exclusive clubs, partying with people whose names you couldn’t even pronounce, and waking up to the flashing lights of a casino floor. Vegas was the kind of place where everything felt fake, but that didn’t matter. You really are Brucie Wayne's daughter.

Next stop, Ibiza, the heart of Europe’s clubbing scene. Ariel and you slipped into the club, stepping past the velvet ropes like it was second nature. The security guard practically bowed as you walked by. The crowd parted for you, the clinking of champagne glasses and the hum of expensive conversations filling the air.

This was where you belonged. The heat of the island, the night that stretched into forever. You and Ariel danced on top of the table at Pacha, popping bottles like they were nothing, the music vibrating in your bones, the crowd chanting your name like you were the star of the show. It was your second night there, and you had already met a Spanish duke who was more interested in buying you a yacht than actually getting to know you. There was white powder everywhere, tempting you to try but you didn't give in. Who knows what could be in it. Your friends and most people at the club didn't share the same idea.

You just wanted to enjoy the view and keep the party going but you were worried, maybe this was too much.

“we’ve got to live for the moment,” Ariel grinned, taking a shot of something that made her eyes water. “Who cares if we’re in a foreign country surrounded by dangerous people? It’s the best kind of chaos. When else are we gonna do this?”

Somehow you ended up on a private yacht again, this time surrounded by Ibiza’s elite. You weren’t sure how many shots of tequila you’d had, but you knew that the man at your side had given you a diamond bracelet to match your dress. You accepted with a grin asking him to put it on for you, your hair wild, your makeup smudged from hours of dancing, but it didn’t matter. You were untouchable.

It was getting close to 3 AM, and the music hadn’t stopped. The drinks kept flowing, and the Duke’s yacht you somehow ended up on was finally leaving the dock. You couldn’t remember how you ended up on the boat, but you were there now, floating on a million-dollar boat with peopl you’d only seen on TV. One of the men from the night before was already making eye contact, his glass of sangria in hand.

It was hard to be shy in a setting like this. Rory, who’d never been afraid of attention, was deep in conversation with a couple of supermodels who were likely on their third or fourth drink. Claire was wrapped up in a flirtation with the duke who owned this yacht, and Arie was in her own world, laughing with a group of guys who were definitely not short on cash.

The next morning, you woke up on the yacht, the sun blazing over the Mediterranean. You stretched lazily, your body still buzzing from the night before, and found yourself face-to-face with the man from last night.

He smirked, “Care for another round?” he asked, his accent thick, the sound of the waves crashing against the boat providing an oddly peaceful background.

You laughed and agreed. It was all so easy, this life. This endless, carefree abandon. No rules, no family to answer to, no obligations. It was just you, your friends, and a bunch of gorgeous strangers who only saw you for the party girl you had become. And for now, that was enough.

Next, Monaco, the grandest of them all. You didn’t just go to Monaco, you ruled it. You, Ariel, Claire and Rory crashing the most exclusive gala in the world; rich industrialists, F1 drivers ,tech moguls, the faces that appeared on the front of every magazine. But to you, it was just another game to play. Every conversation was a carefully curated performance, everyone vying for your attention, for your approval.

The days blurred together. Each city more beautiful, each party more decadent than the last. Monaco was wild, filled with the world’s elite and their very bored children. The private yacht parties were nothing short of a movie set, jet skis, champagne, drugs, and the sun beating down relentlessly. The thrill of it all never left, and every night you found a new billionaire, actor, or race car driver to distract you. It wasn’t about them, not really, it was about keeping the power in your hands, it was about feeling good. Taking away the pain that came with your powers, fortunately, men were jumping into your bed.

You didn’t even have to try. One wink, one smile, and suddenly you were in a Bentley, whisked away to a private after-party in a hidden corner of Monaco’s coastline. The prince of some oil-rich kingdom was at your side, and the night was long, filled with laughter and stolen kisses under the stars. You didn’t care what his name was, where he came from, or who he was, he was just another prince who could buy you anything you wanted.

You met guy, almost as rich as Bruce, who you beat at poker, he was more than happy to throw a yacht party in your honor. The invitation was clear: “Come party with us. No rules. No limits.”

Ariel had already decided to make a game of seeing how many men she could flirt before sunset, while Rory was doing her usual thing, charming people with her wit. You, on the other hand, had become the center of attention, as if the whole event was designed around you. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a conversation that didn’t involve someone trying to buy you a drink, or a private island.

As the weeks stretched on, you could barely keep track of all the cities you had visited. You spent one night in Berlin, dancing until dawn in one of the city’s most infamous clubs. The next, you were in Milan, draped in designer clothing and laughing with the most influential fashion people in the world. Every day felt like a new chapter, filled with new people, new parties, and a new sense of power.

It was intoxicating. Everyone loved you here, you were the life of every party. You had so many friends, you'd never be alone again.

There was something so exhilarating about being surrounded by people who knew your last name, who were used to rubbing elbows with people like Bruce Wayne, but didn’t realize you were his daughter.

You felt it in your bones now, the distance between you and Gotham was growing wider. The weight of the past, the guilt that had once threatened to crush you, was nothing more than a distant memory. Each city, each new face, each new party was a reminder that you didn’t need them. You didn’t need anyone.

But deep down, something shifted. Maybe it was the late-night conversations with Ariel on the balcony of a villa in Santorini, the wine flowing freely as you discussed the future, her dreams, your dreams, how you’d never go back to the way things were. Maybe it was the quiet moments alone on the edge of some private infinity pool, staring out at a horizon that seemed endless and just… empty.

You didn’t know when you started to feel it, but you knew one thing for sure: when you finally did come back to Gotham, you weren’t going to be the same person who had left.

The Final Stop, St. Tropez. You did a full circle. Your last hurrah before you returned home, or where your family assumed you were all this time. The private beach parties, the yachts that lined the harbor, the whispers of billionaires in their private jets. You danced in the sand, surrounded by flashes from cameras and jealous glares from women who had no idea who you were, but wanted to be you all the same.

A private villa awaited you, and there, amidst the most extravagant décor, you found yourself facing yet another prince, yet another man eager to claim you as his own.

You turned to find a prince—probably from denmark—standing next to you. You immediately recognized his face from magazines. He was the one who was always pictured at galas with his equally famous family. He was beautiful, dark-haired and dangerous, with a body like chiseled stone. But the only thing you could think about was how long it would take before you got bored of him, before you moved on to the next.

His thick accented voice cut through your thoughts, "Well, if it isn't the infamous party girl." He smirked eyeing you up and down.

"Oh, so you've heard of me" You said smiling. You had no idea how he knew you, all your socials were private and theres no way you had mutual friends. You froze for a second, just how far has your reputation proceeded you, did Bruce hear?

You brushed the thought away as soon as it came, Bruce didn't exist. Not tonight, your last actual night of freedom. Not when you were boarding the flight to gotham after tomorrow.

"Hard not to. You've been everywhere. Paris, London, Ibiza, Monaco, Dubai, Vegas. You're practically the princess of Europe." He grinned leaning closer.

After two months you were finally starting to feel the rush of it all catching up to you. But for now? Who cared? You were a 16-year-old filled with confidence, chaos, and fun. The world was yours, and there was no one who could stop you, least of all, your father, who were still clueless about your whereabouts and secretly obsessing over your every move. You were too busy living in the moment to care about that.

You were officially the European Party Girl, the one everyone wanted to be friends with, the one they all wanted to take selfies with.

Ariel once called you a prince magnet, she wasn't wrong. You woke up next to him the next morning, his strong arms around your waist.

When you went back to Gotham, you weren’t just going to show up. You were going to treat them like they treated you all these years, you were going to laugh in their faces, ignore them like they ignored you.

As you and Ariel spent your last night together packing, you couldn't help but smile. In these two months with her, you lived more than you had in your entire life.

When you boarded the plane back to Gotham, you were different. You were someone new, someone who had tasted freedom and wasn’t sure if she could ever go back. The Waynes had no idea what was coming for them, but you were ready. The game had shifted, and you were about to play it all the way to the end.

Taglist:

@strwberryglass @lilithquillete @delias-stuff @bellatrixmld @damainwayneisthebestrobin @kittzu @lilyalone @yokesmam @sanjisluvbot @facelessisnthere @dollwhite @superstarbucks

@angelunatic @littledollete @cutelittlesugarfairy @darbystrange @sxftiebee @zealous0mouse @trashlanternfish360 @galaxygirlsblog @euphoria-looney @1simpchunkygirl @a-lurking-fae @analuixxy @naturallyspontaneous @horror-lover-69 @pastel-mouse @ladyrosemone @frankie-moon3 @catley1011 @justannie18 @yandereaficionado @ithoughtthinks @asdfghjklgayblog @shadowyknightbeargoth @peche4et3chocolat @boredselkie @rogueofbullshit @iamabeaner @rosesunderthegarden @nommingonfood @ninihrtss @type-ink @iamabeaner @astterrial @awawage @ironsaladwitch @boredselkie @rogueofbullshit @couldeatthatgirlforlunch @rosesunderthegarden @raging-stars @sulleha @s1mppp

[shanefuckingscott]

Sevika Headcanons 🦾

🚫Men and Minors DNI🚫

What I think Sevika would be like generally. a little bit of switch Sevika. 🦾

SFW:

She can cook well. She just doesn't cook OFTEN. I think that's something people don't get, but I think she's a good cook.

If you can't cook, she'll happily cook for the both of you.

If you can't, she'll probably most definitely make fun of you for not knowing how to use a knife, but she'll be happy to cook for you.

As long as you wash the dishes.

She does not have a type at all. Physical appearance? None. All she wants is someone competent, and someone that is okay with her not being home as much. But she does make it up to you.

If you have long hair, she'll braid it, and even help you oil your scalp once in awhile, like her mother taught her to.

If you have short and buzzed hair, she likes to run her hand through the freshly buzzed hair, and also like to help you oil your scalp.

Amazing with henna. You once bought her some henna, and she teared up a little bit, since it's been a long time since she's ever done henna on herself, ever since her mom died.

She decorates you with henna once in awhile, during her free time, and she likes to teach you about her culture that her mom has passed down onto her, and you help her heal her inner child by doing that.

You like to get her in touch of her culture, and she likes you even more because of that. In Zaun, there's not much of a place for sentimentality, but this, her culture, her mother is a part of her, and you like to remind her that with what happens everyday, she's still herself. That she's not just a woman fighting for the freedom of Zaun, that she's also herself.

She tends to forget that, after all.

TOUCH STARVED AS HELL.

Won't let just anyone touch her, only you, though.

She's actually really clingy. I mean, REALLY clingy. You'd be surprised. Of course, she still has a reputation to maintain, but even so, she doesn't shy away from showing you love outside the comfort of your own home.

Her love languages are definitely Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Gift Giving.

She likes to do small things for you, like make you a cup of coffee in the morning. Charge your phone, when you're asleep. Give you a massage when you had a particularly bad day.

I lied. It's not small things, she does EVERYTHING for you. Opening doors wherever you go. Helping you change out of your clothes when you're drunk. Carrying you wherever, when your feet feel tired. Anything, you name it.

For gift giving, she likes getting you stuff that remind her of you. Like, a particular flower, or trinket, that she thinks you'll love, she'll find a way to get it. If she can't however, she'll just tell you about it. "I saw a butterfly. Reminded me of you" Anything.

Sometimes, when she goes away for long periods of time, you better expect 2 things. 1. she'll come home with alot of bruises and cuts. 2. She brought food, or a little trinket.

When Sevika is out for a work trip, she'll call you the whole way there, until she has to get off the trainz and actually do business.

Hates, hates, hates when you're the one going out, and it's her rest day. She's not stopping you from having your own life, she's just a baby that wants your undivided love and attention. And who are you to deny her of such?

Not often jealous, but extremely possessive.

I lied, she is a bit jealous, but not because she doesn't trust you. She doesn't trust other people.

One time you were out at night and a guy catcalled you. Ooh, boy, let's just say he was beyond saving at that point.

She's EXTREMELY loyal. That actually goes without saying, but just wanted to put that out there.

And you're as loyal to her as she is to you. That's what she admires so much about you, not just the love, but the loyalty, and how she knows that you're always on her side, and you'll choose her no matter what.

She loves, loves, loves it when you cut her hair. You're the only person besides a barber that can touch her hair.

She's really careful of not hitting, or crushing you with her robotic hand, and at first, she doesn't even touch you with it. But when you show her it's okay, and you're not scared of her, she loosens up a bit, and lets you hold it. With caution.

She likes it when you caress her face, and absolutely loves it when you kiss her knuckles. Even on her robotic hand.

She giggles like a little girl, when you two are alone. It's kind of cute to see her that way. That's her way of showing her vulnerability.

She loves drama. There's alot of perks of being the right hand woman. She gets to hear everything going on in Zaun. Although she is a quiet woman, she'll tell you everything that happened throughout the day, any drama that she comes across, and you guys laugh together about it. "Did you know (name) and (name) just got divorced?! Turns out (name) was a cheating prick!" She gossips to you. you of course match her energy, and be as shocked as her, "I fucking knew it!"

That was your bonding time with her. Yup, gossiping.

She sleeps with her on your chest, and you cuddle her head, and wrap your legs around her.

Her idea of a date is having you on top of her on the couch, as you both binge eat, and watch some horror together.

She is a bit of a scardey cat, when it comes to horror, so often times, her grip tightens on you, and she'll hide her face in your chest. You pause the movie, and comfort her, and change it to comedy, or something.

NSFW:

She's a bit of a switch.

She gets really turned on, when you comfort her in your chest though. Sometimes you think she just does it for the attention, but you don't seem to mind.

"You want me to change it, baby? Yeah?" You say, as you run your fingers through her hair. She nods. "mhm"

she says, and you change the channel immedietly. She flips the two of you, and now she's on top of you. You're now watching a dumb sitcom, and she's peppering your face with kisses.

You giggle at her antics, but don't try to stop her. "Oh, my baby, were you scared?" you coo at her, your legs high above the air, and you caress her face.

"Mhm, so scared." She says to you. She takes your sweater off, admiring the view. She's careful not to crush you with her bionic arm, as she goes down, and licks you nipples, and sucks them, and plays with the other tit with her other hand.

She likes making you moan, the louder the better. When you try to put a pillow over your head, or you try to use your hand to cover your mouth, she's grabbing it away from your mouth, to let you moan freely, and loudly.

"mhm, s-sev! More!" She likes it when you're needy, fucking loves it when you beg. "S-sevi, please!"

She can't say no to you that long, so she gives in almost immedietly, right after she teases the fuck out of you.

She takes your pants off, and sniffs your panties. (Yes, we got ourselves a panty sniffer, but it's okay, it's her, and we love her.)

"Y-you're such a perv!" and with that, she throws your panties somewhere on the floor, and she spreads your legs apart. You moan. She takes a good look at your wet cunt.

She takes a finger, and runs it along your silky folds, "mhmm, se-vika! s-stop teasing!" She smirks at you, and she finally goes down, not giving you a second to process that she's taking a stripe of your cunt. "A-ah, hmm, sev-ika, yo-u fe-el so g-good"

you can barely speak properly.

she eats your pussy like its her last meal on earth, she just hits all the right spots, and you pull her hair a little harder, and moaning louder.

and just like that, you were about to cum. like magic. Her tongue should be kept in bars, for how good it feels, it's unfair.

"s-sevika, I'm cl-ose!" You moan out, your take your hand, and fondle your own tits, while you moan her name "se-sevika!!"

"Cum for me, baby, I want you to come in my mouth" she tells you. It's like a magic word at this point when she tells you to cum for her, you actually do.

"o-oh yes! hmm, fuck!" You throw your head back, your grip on her hair tightening, and you push her deeper, and deeper into your pussy.

You were practically drowning her. But you know this is what she wants. This is what she loves.

After awhile, when you calm down, you pull her up, and lean in for a deep kiss. You can actually taste yourself a bit in her mouth.

When you finally gain the energy, you smirk at her, "Now it's your turn baby~" You say to her, pushing her on to the couch, and make her lay there. You position yourself between her thighs, and you pull per pants off.

You take a whiff of her sex, and she smells absolutely amazing. You take your time with her, your tongue slow, sensual, and you taste every part of her. When she moves around alot, that's when you decide to take your hand, and wrap it around her legs, and hips, to keep her from pushing. She's pulling back, little by little as she gets closer and closer.

You pull her back, practically wrestling her, "You're not going anywhere, Sevi" You say firmly, and get back to what you're eating. She huffs, and whimpers, and she grips your hair tightly, her body stiffening up, and you can feel her grind herself on your tongue, you let her dance for a bit, until she's almost close. You put 2 fingers in her pussy, and pump it fast and hard, in contrast to the slow, and sensual licking of her clit.

She's grinding more and more now, her grip ever so slightly getting harder, and harder. "F-fuck, princess, you're s-so fuck-ing good, mhm, I'm almost there!" She sobs, you smile while eating her out, and maintain eye contact with her, you pull back and slowly finger her, just teasing her a little bit. She whines even more. "Hmm, baby, I want you to look at me when I make you cum. Got that?" She looks at you flustered, and she nods.

You smirk, and you put your mouth back on her, and your fingers pump faster and faster, and there she is trying her best not to throw her head back.

"c'm fr m, bby" You say while you suck and lick her clit.

And with that, her body convulses, her head thrown back, her eyes rolling in the back of her head, and she grinds on your face more, and more. You close your eyes, enjoying the tastes of her juices coming out, your fingers still fast, and your face getting soaked from her squirting cunt.

You pull back, and take your fingers out of her. You lick her clean, not missing a spot, and you make her suck on your fingers, as she pants, she opens her mouth, and suck it clean.

You get up, and get a towel for her, she's still experiencing the aftermath of her orgasm. "Enjoy yourself, baby?" You ask her teasingly with a smile on your face.

She rolls her eyes, and it honestly looks like she's making a sex face at you right now. You chuckle, and cuddle up to her naked, and she giggles at you.

"I love you so fucking much, Sevi." You look up at her, cupping her cheeks with your hand, and you went up to kiss the top of her head.

She's still catching her breath, bit alot calmer now, and she smiles at you. "and I love you, princess. Janna, that mouth of yours, huh?"

You both giggle for the night, and fell asleep just like that.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Okay, so is it obvious I like writing switch Sevika, or not?

This was actually a bit of an emotional roller-coaster to write, but I kind of like it.

[rainydetectiveglitter]

Lilith in the Houses: How You’re Sexualized or Misunderstood

Lilith represents raw, primal energy in your chart, and depending on where it sits, it can cause you to be sexualized or misunderstood. Below, I’ve shared some thoughts on how this placement manifests in each of the houses, along with personal anecdotes where applicable. Keep in mind, this is just my anecdotal evidence, meant for fun.

♈ Lilith in the 1st House Aries

People with Lilith in the 1st house often have an intense, captivating aura. There's something magnetic and fiery about you that can’t be ignored, and others tend to sexualize or focus on your bold, rebellious nature. This placement often gets you misjudged as wild or "bad" simply for being unapologetically yourself.

When I think about this placement, I always think of Tiger King. His sexuality was constantly discussed, and in a weird way, he became this spectacle because of it. It’s also fitting for someone like Michael Jackson—you often see men with this placement with makeup, eyeliner, or other dramatic visuals to showcase that captivating energy. Even though their sexuality isn’t always overt, people seem to be entranced by it anyway.

You might feel that society is always trying to push you into the "wild" or "sexualized" box based on how you express yourself. People either want to put you on a pedestal or demonize you for being strong, assertive, or rebellious.

You may choose to reject or lean into this image, asserting control over how others perceive you. You could even challenge the societal expectations placed on you and fight to redefine who you are in your own terms.

Cultivate a deep connection with yourself—embrace your true essence unapologetically. Learning to set boundaries and validate yourself can help reduce the impact of others’ projections.

♉ Lilith in the 2nd House Taurus

People with Lilith in the 2nd house often find their physical bodies or material possessions sexualized. There's this feeling that others equate your body to your self-worth. People might also judge you based on how you express yourself physically, interpreting your appearance or possessions as tied to your sexual appeal.

I don’t have many people in my life with this placement, but it’s interesting because some people do view their bodies almost like a possession—almost as if they think their value is solely based on what they look like. In other words, what you own or how you look can often become a reflection of your sexual worth.

You may feel that your worth is constantly tied to your looks or the material things you own. This leads to external pressure and the need to fight back against these surface-level judgments.

You might either put your worth into material things or rebel against them altogether, which is a big internal struggle. At times it might be hard to escape being seen only through the lens of external value.

Reconnect to your intrinsic self-worth—focus on building value from within. Learning to separate your identity from your possessions or body helps you reclaim your true sense of self.

♊ Lilith in the 3rd House Gemini

Lilith in the 3rd house can turn communication into a double-edged sword. This placement tends to sexualize the way you talk—your voice, tone, and speech patterns are often perceived as seductive or inappropriate. I have this placement, and people often react to my words or how I speak in ways that are totally unrelated to my intent. It’s not uncommon for people to want to take normal conversations to uncomfortable places like phone sex or sexting, especially in dating scenarios.

I can personally relate to this. When I worked in call centers, I got told time and time again how "attractive" or "sexy" my voice sounded—and sometimes people tried to take it into inappropriate directions. Even in group settings, I was often told that my speaking style made people uncomfortable, even though I wasn’t trying to be sexual at all. I’m not a sexual person in nature, but people still tried to pull me into these conversations based solely on how I spoke.

You’ll notice that people often try to make conversations about you sexual or flirtatious. That misinterpretation, where every word or gesture becomes something charged, can make your day-to-day life more challenging, especially when you’re just speaking freely. You may also have the feeling that you’re often misunderstood in public settings or school/work environments.

You might find yourself either resisting or rejecting these interpretations of your communication style, maybe becoming more reclusive or adjusting your approach altogether to avoid discomfort. There could also be moments when you want to “own” that sexualized persona simply as a defense mechanism, but it’s not who you are.

Own your voice and set clear boundaries in communication. When people misinterpret your words, use it as an opportunity to clarify your intent. Confidence in your language can shield you from unwanted projections.

♋ Lilith in the 4th House Cancer

With Lilith in the 4th house, family and home environments become a space for projected misunderstandings about who you are. Family members may make inappropriate or uncomfortable comments about your body or behavior growing up. As you age, they might even sexualize or misinterpret the way you interact or express yourself, often seeing you as "too grown for your age" or crossing boundaries that shouldn’t be discussed.

Growing up with Lilith in the 4th house, you might hear off-handed comments from family that make you feel uncomfortable about the normal, healthy process of growing up. Your behaviors or growth could be taken the wrong way, as if people have the right to define what’s "appropriate" for you in terms of sexuality. This projection can last into adulthood when family members still impose unrealistic or discomforting expectations on you.

Family projections around your body or sexual expression can affect your sense of self at the core. You may feel like you’re being misread or that your home environment doesn’t fully support your evolving self-expression.

You might challenge your family’s views of you or assert stronger boundaries within the family dynamic. There may be tension in these interactions, as your natural growth challenges their limiting expectations.

Establish healthy boundaries with your family and assert your identity on your terms. Communicating your real feelings with those closest to you, while setting clear boundaries around your development, will help shift those projections.

♌ Lilith in the 5th House Leo

With Lilith in the 5th house, your creativity, sexuality, and enjoyment of life become intertwined. You’ll notice that people often sexualize your playfulness, creative pursuits, and even your flirtatious nature. What should be considered playful or creative can sometimes be twisted into something too sexual, especially if you are expressive about your individuality.

People may only focus on the "fun" aspects of your personality and forget that there's much more depth to you. Your free-spirited, playful side can easily be interpreted as promiscuous or “overly sexual.” You might feel misunderstood for simply enjoying life or for being unapologetic in expressing your individuality.

You may lean into this sexuality for a while, either to match people’s expectations or as a way to cope with it, but it’s important to find the right balance. Embrace your creative freedom, but also be firm with others when it comes to how you express yourself.

Set strong boundaries around your creative energy and personal expression. Help others understand that your essence is more complex than how they try to sexualize you.

♍ Lilith in the 6th House Virgo

With Lilith in the 6th house, your workplace interactions or your approach to health can often be misunderstood. At work, others might project a certain sexualized image onto you, particularly in professional settings where boundaries should be respected. In my experience, I've witnessed situations where a male friend of mine faced sexual harassment, which they often brushed off to maintain peace. He dealt with frequent inappropriate advances and even physical groping from female coworkers, yet felt pressured to “laugh it off” and keep things lighthearted. He moved his things to another area in the office after. It's clear that a misunderstanding of professional boundaries happens with Lilith in this house.

While I don’t have Lilith in the 6th house myself, I’ve seen it firsthand. I believe that this placement can create discomfort when others try to sexualize your approach to work or health matters. It's hard because these boundaries often get crossed by people who don't take your professional image or seriousness into consideration.

The 6th house is about routine, health, and service, but Lilith here creates tension, with people viewing your work or contributions through a lens of desire rather than respect. Whether it’s at work or in a healthcare setting, feeling sexualized or disrespected in such personal areas can make you uncomfortable.

You might try to keep your distance or react by shutting people down, asserting your boundaries and your right to be respected. Or, you might even go the opposite route and become very vocal about defending your space, making sure others understand where you stand.

Work on strengthening your boundaries, especially when it comes to professional or intimate health matters. Practice keeping your environment focused on your work ethic, not your sexuality. Keep things professional and assertive, refusing to let others cross boundaries.

♎ Lilith in the 7th House Libra

With Lilith in the 7th house, relationships become a central area where you’re misjudged. People might project their sexual desires or desires for control onto your partnerships, reducing them to something physical or superficial rather than emotional. There's an intensity to how people view your relationships—it’s almost like they see them through a lens of desire and don’t always see you for who you truly are.

I’m curious to hear if anyone else with this placement has had similar experiences, but I imagine people might confuse the depth of your relationships for something too sexual or too chaotic. Since the 7th house is all about partnership, whether in romance, business, or even friendships, the idea of Lilith here could make it feel like every relationship becomes a power struggle or is sexually charged.

It can be tough because it feels like your partnerships are seen through projections of sexuality or power dynamics that you didn’t necessarily invite. These projections can make you feel misunderstood in your closest connections.

You might feel compelled to set extremely firm boundaries within your partnerships to avoid these projections. You may even feel the need to prove your worth in relationships beyond what’s expected of you, sometimes overcompensating for others’ misunderstandings.

Let go of others’ sexualized projections in your relationships. Be clear about your emotional needs and how you define intimacy. Surround yourself with people who value your connection beyond the surface level.

♏ Lilith in the 8th House Scorpio

Lilith in the 8th house is all about transformation, power dynamics, and shared resources, especially sexual intimacy. People might find you intensely magnetic and view your sexuality as your most powerful attribute. However, this can also make others see you as a mystery or a source of intrigue. There is a tendency for you to become sexualized, especially when dealing with issues of intimacy, control, or shared power.

The 8th house often deals with taboos, and with Lilith here, it might amplify that in ways where others expect you to use your power over them in intimate relationships or become seen as an object of both desire and obsession. This can also trigger the deep-seated fears in both you and others regarding trust and control in relationships.

You might be underestimated for your emotional depth, with the focus too often put on your sexuality. This can leave you feeling like you are misunderstood at your core, and that people only seek power through intimacy with you.

You may play into this mystique, allowing others to see you as they want to, or you may put up huge walls around your vulnerability, keeping your power closely guarded. Either way, navigating these intense dynamics can create an ongoing challenge to maintain a sense of self.

Work on transforming your personal power in ways that allow you to reclaim your own identity. Practice embracing deep emotional intimacy and power in a way that doesn’t compromise who you truly are at the soul level.

♐ Lilith in the 9th House Sagittarius

Lilith in the 9th house often leads others to sexualize or romanticize your ideas, philosophies, or your travels. Your belief system and personal growth are powerful, but people might be more intrigued by your provocative ideas or the way you expand their boundaries rather than seeing you as an intellectual authority. There’s an undercurrent of attraction, as others tend to focus on your adventurous or boundary-pushing nature.

The 9th house placement gives you a vast sense of expansion, but Lilith here can make your explorations, whether mental or physical, something others overly sexualize. It’s like you’re seen as someone who’s not just about knowledge, but about breaking every boundary—and that becomes sexualized.

You may feel like your desire for intellectual or physical exploration is misunderstood or reduced to something superficial by others. It's frustrating when what you deeply care about is diminished into sexual projections.

You might find it hard to reveal the true depth of your philosophical or adventurous side, feeling boxed into a role others have created for you. You could find yourself over-explaining or pulling back from sharing ideas at all.

Continue to seek intellectual, philosophical, and physical expansion in your life, but focus on doing it in a way that isn't limited by the projections of others. Reclaim your place as an explorer and learner without needing to fit into a mold others make for you.

♑ Lilith in the 10th House Capricorn

With Lilith in the 10th house, your public image, career, and reputation might get sexualized or reduced to how attractive or enticing you are in the public eye. There’s an intense energy that others sense, and some will focus only on the surface level—either deeming you a “sex symbol” or feeling threatened by your power. I have a friend who’s had similar experiences with Lilith here, where her sexuality was too often emphasized—sometimes by her family, others by society—leaving her struggling to find a way to separate herself from this imposed persona. Despite being talented and multifaceted, others often ignore these attributes, reducing her to a sexualized image.

You may feel frustration with the duality between the image people project onto you and who you really are. The constant struggle to have your full professional capabilities seen without your sexuality being the focus can be draining.

To cope, you might overcompensate by embodying this sexualized image more overtly online or offline, or you may go in the opposite direction and try to downplay your looks and focus solely on your work.

Set clear boundaries with your career and public life. Focus on presenting all the facets of yourself and refuse to be confined to only one. Let your true capabilities define you, not the projections others place on your image.

♒ Lilith in the 11th House Aquarius

Lilith in the 11th house means your presence in social groups and communities often comes with a layer of misinterpretation. People might see you as someone who “stirs the pot” in group settings, whether through your attractiveness, rebellious nature, or just by existing outside of the norm. You might be put in a position where your friendships are subtly (or not so subtly) sexualized, either by others assuming romantic or sexual undertones in your platonic relationships or by social circles treating you like an object of intrigue.

From what I’ve observed, this placement can create situations where people feel weirdly possessive over you in group settings. Friends might project their own insecurities onto you, assuming you must be manipulative, seductive, or disruptive just because of how others react to you. There can also be themes of exclusion—perhaps being ostracized or resented for something that isn’t even your fault.

Friendships can feel complicated. Either people try to control you, define you by your sexuality in group dynamics, or make you out to be a “bad influence.” Sometimes it feels like no matter what you do, there’s an energy that people react strongly to, whether positive or negative.

You might distance yourself from social groups to avoid dealing with all of the drama, or you could lean into your rebellious nature and embrace the fact that you shake things up. There can also be a feeling of wanting to prove that you’re more than the assumptions people make about you.

Focus on friendships and community that truly respect you for who you are beyond any projections. Not everyone will misunderstand you, and it’s okay to be selective with who you surround yourself with. Work on reinforcing your boundaries so that you aren’t constantly put in unfair situations.

♓ Lilith in the 12th House Pisces

This is one of the most hidden yet potent Lilith placements. You might not always be overtly sexualized in obvious ways, but there’s a deep, underlying energy that people pick up on. There can be projections placed upon you without you even realizing it, often behind closed doors or in secret conversations. Some may find you irresistibly mysterious or even dangerous without a clear reason why. Your presence lingers in people’s subconscious, sometimes making them uncomfortable.

This placement makes me think of someone who unknowingly impacts others on a psychological level. People might develop secret infatuations or fixate on you in ways that even you don’t fully grasp. It’s like you move through life feeling somewhat unseen, yet somehow, you’re always affecting people on a level beyond your awareness. People may make assumptions about you without real evidence, particularly in environments like hospitals, institutions, or spiritual communities where secrecy or hidden power is involved.

You might struggle with feeling misunderstood in ways that don’t make sense to you. You could go through experiences of being scapegoated, vilified, or treated as if you’re carrying some sort of “forbidden” energy. People may want to project their desires onto you in secret, which can feel invasive or confusing, especially if you don't know where these emotions are coming from.

Some with this placement retreat into isolation, feeling like it’s safer to remain unseen than to deal with others’ projections. Others might unknowingly fall into roles that confirm what people already assume about them, even if it wasn’t their intent. The struggle here is often about untangling other people’s hidden expectations and seeing yourself clearly.

Find ways to ground yourself in your own sense of identity, separate from what others secretly think or expect of you. Therapy, dream journaling, and shadow work can be powerful tools for unraveling hidden fears or subconscious influences in your life. Recognizing when you’re being scapegoated or unfairly projected upon is crucial, and learning to set firm energetic boundaries will protect your peace.

Do any of these descriptions resonate with you? I’d love to hear about your experiences, especially if you have Lilith in the 5th or 7th house—those are placements I don’t personally have much insight into, so feel free to share your thoughts!

[thevoidstaredback]

Hmmm. Yeah, alright

Nightingale was the name he chose for himself. He remembered Sam telling him, once upon a time, that a nightingale symbolized transformation and resilience. He didn't understand why he'd ever need to know that, but he was glad that he did. He thought the name fitting, after all, even if he didn't feel very much of either of those things.

Gotham City was a dark place, both literally and figuratively. It was the perfect place to hide, even if he wasn't initially hiding from anything in this realm. It was the perfect place to protect and heal.

The Spirit of Robin had told him, sometime between their first and last meetings, that Gotham City would protect him if he was ever in trouble. What Robin failed to mention was that his living counterpart and the other Knights of Gotham were less than welcoming than their Spirit versions. (Not that he met any of the others, though Robin's living version seemed perpetually angry)

Living on the streets took some getting used to, but he learned very quickly. No one knew his name, only ever calling him by 'Info'. The other homeless kids didn't exactly welcome him into the fray, but they did share safe places to get recourses and safe places to stay with him, so he'd take it. In return, he gave them the information he gathered as Nightingale about who was active where and what people to avoid based on the curses and hauntings around them.

That was another thing he picked up quickly. Gotham as a city was cursed, but those curses had less effect on the people, and more on the city as a whole. Curses on people, though, indicated how good they were. Everyone in Gotham had at least one curse on them, but the really bad guys had upwards of one-hundred curses on them. And the people who were haunted were all a part of the Rogues Gallery.

Arkham Island was the worst in terms of hauntings and curses. Anyone who has ever spent longer than a month on the island ended up haunting it when they died, their spirits slowly driving the inmates (because there's no way in hell that anyone can convince Danny that Arkham is a failed Asylum and not an attempted prison) insane.

Despite everything, though, Danny found that Gotham City was the best place he could've gone.

The Spirit of Robin had taught him everything he could ever need to know about being a vigilante, offering training when he'd seen Danny's sad state that first encounter. Obviously, Danny had said 'yes' and was over the moon that finally, finally, someone was actually teaching him what to do!

That training was fun in practice, and somehow even funner in use. Especially when that use was to run away from Batman and his gaggle of vigilante-lings.

Crime Alley was the worst in terms of... everything, so that's where he focused most of his efforts. He'd come to a silent kind-of understanding with Red Hood about being in the Undead's home. So long as he didn't get in Hood's way, Hood would let him help out.

He also liked to help around the rest of the city, though those efforts were mostly to sus out the corruption in businesses (because, like it or not, modern police are a business and not a civil servant). He stuck mostly to investigative work outside of Crime Alley, though he stopped any crimes he actively came across.

All this to say, Danny 'Info' 'Nightingale' Alexopoulos was having a lot of fun in his new home.

A Spirit trains a Phantom

DP x DC Prompt

Danny had been retreating to the Infinite Realms/Ghost Zone whenever he got too injured in a battle with other Ghosts/his parents. He patches himself up in a little nook on the edge of the Gotham that exists in the Infinite Realms/Ghost Zone because no Ghost would go near it for the fear of the Spirits of Batman attacking them for causing trouble in his city.

This was another time he was patching himself up in the nook he found during his first few times he came to explore the Infinite Realms/Ghost Zone. Until he was found by the Spirit of Robin. He expected to be chased out, but instead, he was greeted by the Spirit.

From there, a friendship is made between the Spirit and him, which allows Danny to be allowed in the Gotham of the Infinite Realms/Ghost Zone. Even as the Heir to the Throne, he still visits the Spirit of Robin and Batman in their city.

The Spirit of Robin teaches Danny the things he knows, how to fly without Ghost Powers, how to care for people down in the dumps, how to use his brain in various situations, and how to fight like a ninja.

And then a reveal gone bad happens. Danny escapes to the Gotham of the human world, where he puts his training from the Spirit of Robin to use.

The Batfam has encountered a new Vigilante in Gotham calling himself 'Nightingale'. He displays various actions that the former/current Robin uses, despite none of them meeting him in their lives. He always manages to escape them whenever they think they have him cornered.

Danny is doing his best to fulfill his obsession to help him heal from what his parents did to him. He doesn't trust the Vigilantes as much as the Spirits of them. He knows that they are not like each other and knows the Spirits are just beliefs of what they are in the human world.

[lorenzozurzolocanruinmylife]

Mattheo’s girl -Theo Nott x reader/ Mattheo Riddle x reader

(Based on Rick Springfield’s song Jessie’s girl)

T.W.= smut, mdni, kind of stalkerish behavior, alcohol, cigarettes, hopefully that’s it

Mattheo is a friend

Yeah, I know, he's been a good friend of mine

But lately something's changed that ain't hard to define

Mattheo's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine

Theo stayed restless all night, turning right and round in his bed, he went outside to smoke at least 10 times. Something that has been happening for quite sometime, Theo could precisely pinpoint the day he started dealing with this type of struggle, one which he couldn’t seem to get rid of, no matter how hard he tried.

Actually, he could locate the exact place and moment in which things had changed, and his world had turned upside down.

10th of October, 2 months previously

The great hall was filled with noises, glasses clinking, first years snickering, professors chatting.Theo, Enzo, Pansy, Blaise, Draco and Astoria were already at the back of the Slytherin table, discussing their usual topics always adding some new aspects to it.

The only missing piece in their habitual frame was Mattheo Riddle.

The thing about that devilish boy was that nobody ever truly knew where he was or what was he doing.

Lately though, Theo, his very best friend, had notice a shift in his behavior. He found his mate even more mysterious than usual, if that was even possible. He was sly and vague anytime someone asked him anything.

Another thing that Theo seemed to have perceived was the way he came back late in the middle of the night, or how often he just didn’t come back.

Now, everybody knew Mattheo’s nature and the tendencies he had, rumor has it he has an outstanding count, body count obviously. He never denied said rumor, actually, he bashed in the pride that came along with it.

So it should have been normal really, but he never talked about his latest hookups, topic that he was extremely open about, in the quidditch’s changing room, as a fun story time at parties, hell even in class snickering right under Snape’s nose.

He collected those anecdotes mostly to narrate them in a crowd…and now…he just disappeared and came back, not speaking a single word, not indulging in any verdict his friends tried to state.

The only thing that talked were his eyes, and an unnoticeable glistening sparkle of something that Theo had never seen in those, usually starless, eyes.

In the middle of dinner, every single noise, was silenced by a far more powerful one.

The two huge door leaves opened, behind them Mattheo, who was so tall that he shielded you from everyone’s sight.

Until you took his hand in yours and started walking beside him, nearly skipping, looking completely devoted to each other, so much that you both didn’t remotely seem to notice everyone’s stare. He finally arrived at his normal spot, bringing you along.The noises came back to life but not to everybody, no, because Theo hadn’t heard even a single sound from the moment he laid his eyes on you. Let alone he couldn’t see anybody else, or understand anything.

“Guys, I want you all to meet the apple of my eye, my sweet lovely awesome girl. This is y/n, who I’m sure you’re gonna love just as much as I do” Mattheo couldn’t understand how much this last statement would become true. While he showed you off, his eyes filled with thousands of those damn sparkles, Theo started to feel the need to hold you.

And she's watching him with those eyes

But how could he do that if you were so absorbed in Mattheo, focusing on him, and only him.

Theo never knew envy, and he never even remotely thought how gut wrenching it could feel, until that moment; that horrifying split second, that for some reason couldn’t seem to pass.

“Nice to meet you! I’m y/n, you must be Theo? I’ve heard a lot about you” you outstretched your hand towards a very unresponsive Theo.

You knew who he was. That was enough gasoline to light up an immense fire in his chest, so vast that it reached his throat, making him cough, and finally his face…painting him red.

He couldn’t tell if it was more passion or embarrassment he was enduring, but he knew he was crumbling under your beautiful gaze, nonetheless he couldn’t stop this absolutely awkward scene, because of how little and weak he felt.

He took your hand.

He looked up at you.

“I’m sorry- it- it’s just I never thought I could ever meet Mattheo’s girl…never even thought he could have just one” he whispered the last part, you seemed to have heard it though and you laughed, surprisingly.

In that instant- you drying your tears caused by the loud heartfelt laugh, him gaping at your smile, feeling an incredible uncontrollable high because he made you laugh- he knew ha was at your mercy.

Pathetic and lost in you.

Time passed and you started becoming a constant presence in the group, this was driving Theo mad, because he needed to be near you just as much as he wished to be as far away from you as possible.

He was starting to doubt his morals, because anytime he saw you, the feeling he was harboring in his chest- involuntarily- was becoming more and more voluntary. Not only this, but he cared less and less about his best friend, and the fact that you were his.

In fact Theo was convinced that if he had the chance to take you away from Mattheo he would, he desperately wanted to make you his. No matter how traitorous he’d have to be. The only thing that stopped him was you.

And she's loving him with that body, I just know it

Yeah, and he's holding her in his arms late, late at night

You were in love with Mattheo.

Just as much as he loved you.

Just as much as Theo loved you.

You loved him in the daylight, when anyone could see it, walking with him hand in hand, always sitting next to each other -Theo thought that at least it was better than to see you sitting ON him-

always exchanging notes, winks, flying kisses and so much more.

But he knew you loved him in the moonlight, where no one could see.

You loved him with your body.

He just knew it…

31st of October

The Slytherins were organizing a Halloween party, that was one of the most awaited every year.

You were in Mattheo’s dorm, laid down on him, facing him lazily while sharing some light kisses. You decided to go at the party in a couple’s costume, as if you hadn’t launched your relationship enough -thought Theo, who would have done anything to go with you, even if it meant dressing up in the most ridiculous way ever.

As soon as Theo entered the room, followed suit by Enzo, he felt as if the scene unfolding before him was stolen directly from his nightmares.

He craved your touch, your faint kisses, your arms around his neck and your sweet words, just as much as he needed to throw up right there and then.

Enzo peeked over Theo’s shoulder as he was standing still paralyzed by the envy tugging at his heart, and mostly clouding his mind. He gave his friend a little push, “move your perv ass Theo, I need to pee” and just then he realized Mattheo was glaring at him because of his blatant stare, so he coughed and immediately threw himself on his bed.

Mattheo turned his glare towards him again, protectively holding you twice as close as before. It was no secret that he was jealous of anyone who simply looked in your way, how could he not? You were attractive in a way that was far more than just physical, your whole self had a pull on every single person you met, you were irresistible. That’s probably why his friends, who were the most selective and elitist group of people in the whole school not only accepted you as one of their own, but also requested your presence the very few times you weren’t around.

Theo heard some of the suggestions you two were debating for the costumes, imagining him and you in each of them.

He started to feel hot as the options were becoming doubly spicier than the other.

He had to get out of there.

The party had already started when you guys showed up, you were gorgeous, dressed in a long white dress that had a pretty deep neckline, and where your heart was supposed to be there was a knife with fake blood all over. You had a white veil too, while Mattheo was wearing a tux with red handprints on the shirt.

It was sickening really, you were a bride, and he was your goddamn husband. Theo who was already holding a drink downed it as fast as he could. Trying to get that horrible image out of his mind.

As you reached the group everyone was complimenting you both, “you’re the it couple” “you guys look so good as husband and wife!!!” Pansy and Astoria yelled. They stole you away from your fake husband to dance and take far too many shots. Which still weren’t half the ones that Theo drank, in fact he could hardly stand on his two feet.

He returned to the group, and he thanked whoever was helping him from above that you weren’t there, because in the state in which he was he would have definitely poured his feelings out, and possibly even a mix of the cocktails he downed.

“Man I’ve never seen you so whipped for any girl- actually I may have never seen you even interested in any girl. Y/n has some super power” Blaise said teasingly to Mattheo, who was looking out for you from a distance just to know you were safe, and also because he was entirely too stunned by your beauty. “What can I say? I knew from the very first second I’ve looked at her that she was the one, she doesn’t remind me of any other girl that I’ve met, I don’t think I could find another one like that” “And also, look at her” Enzo chimes in raising his eyebrows, earning a push and a chuckle from Mattheo.

Theo was sat on the sofa, his head in his hands, thinking that it was better if he just kept silent and even better if he didn’t spare you one glance.

As the party went on he watched as you and Mattheo were tangled in a hot embrace while dancing, touching each other and basically humping to the rhythm of the music. He suddenly grabbed a girl that was dancing in front of him, with his eyes wide shut he started to imagine it was you dancing, it was you pressed tightly against him, it was you kissing him and it was you he was leading to his dorm.

He was about to stumble in with the mystery girl, the actress, until he heard some loud noises.

He broke away from her, telling her to stay quiet, while he slowly leaned towards the door hearing the most heavenly gasps and moans he ever heard. He turned back to the girl and while she tried to imply to go back to her dorm, he ignored her turning back once more.

Obviously she wasn’t expecting this, and left as disappointed as Theo had never left another girl before. But he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to hear more, to fuel his fantasy, giving it something concrete, starting somewhere real to land in his most incredibly feral imaginations. He leaned a bit more on the door and it opened slightly, he was relieved that it didn’t make any noise, and most importantly he was ecstatic that he got to sneak the sight he had been dreaming about since the day he first saw you.

He didn’t care that this was clearly a violation of your privacy, he couldn’t bring himself to look away.

The image of you on top of his best friend, bouncing on him, small drops of sweet sweet sweat running down the valley of your perfect round tits that went up and down with your every move. He was enchanted by it all, this was something that he had dreamt and imagined countless times, but nothing compared to the real deal.

He gave up trying to not touch himself, and he started to unbutton his pants hurriedly reaching his hardened dick and as you came closer and closer to your climax so did he. He didn’t feel shame, he felt closer to her, as if his hands were the ones grabbing her, his body the one loving her, his cock the one pleasing her.

When he came undone, he stepped away from the doorway, muttering “I wish that I had Mattheo’s girl”, passing a resigned hand over his face.

The next morning he felt outrageously ill, inflamed with an unadulterated jealousy seeing your naked form, covered with the white sheets of his best friend’s bed, but mostly covered by his best friend’s embrace. He just couldn’t wrap his head around how unfair was the fact that the bastard could wake up to your beautiful goddess like body in his arms, his face next to your angelic one. He should have been the one, he should have been the one having you.

You know, I wish that I had

Mattheo's girl

I wish that I had Mattheo's girl

Where can I find a woman like that?

Theo in an attempt to be rational had decided to give other girls a try, certainly he would find what he saw in you in someone else, right?

Wrong!

He couldn’t keep count of how many boring chats, meaningless one night stands, and dates he had endured trying to find someone like you.

He definitely remembered when that realization hit, that simply no one could compare.

Double date, Hogsmeade, Theo, girl n.17, Mattheo, you. Splendidly suggested by his very best mate in question.

12th of November

Just like any other Saturday a trip to Hogsmeade was planned, and the group of boys were all getting ready in their shared dorm.

“Guys which should I wear for my date with y/n? Green or grey?” Mattheo asked turning toward the others holding up two sweaters. “Dude whatever, it’s not like it’s your first date” Draco answered him annoyed with his friend that couldn’t for the life of him spend some time alone with his friends anymore, Theo couldn’t blame him though. He knew that if he ever had someone like you, he too would exploit every single second to be around you, not wasting anytime with anyone else. Exactly the opposite of what his plans were for this not-so-exciting evening. “I heard someone else here is going on a first date? Or should I say hundredth, huh lover boy?” Enzo raised his eyebrows mimicking a kiss aimed at Theo, who threw him a pillow to shut him up. “Yeah mate what’s up with this slut era of yours? You’re trying to catch an std or sum?” Blaise asked him giving him a nasty side eye “I just give the ladies some sugar, you know, there’s enough for everyone” Theo smirked, trying to conceal his cringed reaction to what he had just said. And mostly trying to hide the unbearable truth, that you were no some girl. You were Y/n, unique, funny, charming, genuine, his sweet forbidden fruit.

He tuned the guys out, not caring in the least of what they had to say about his unconventional DonGiovanni’s lifestyle, to think about you just like he always did. What brought him back to reality was the same thing that took him away in the first place. Y/n. As soon as he heard your name his head shot up, his stare that was lost on the wall in front of him focused once more on his friends.

“Huh?” “Why don’t you and your girl hang with us? Like a double date?” Mattheo suggested finally having settled on the grey sweater, “Why?” Theo let that out with a baffled expression, doubting this could ever be a good idea. He himself knew that he wouldn’t have resisted being in the same room with Mattheo always touching and kissing you. And he definitely knew that the poor girl he brought along would be discarded the very instant that his eyes found you, because wherever you were so was his undivided attention.

But then he thought again, still convinced that he could find a replacement for you, someone else that could steal his heart from you after you had done that to him yourself. He thought that the best way to know if this girl could take your place was for her to show him, with you there, that she was a fair opponent. As Mattheo rambled about giving him an example of what true love should look like and yada yada, Theo just shrugged and agreed.

In hindsight he couldn’t have been more wrong, or maybe he was right, when he had first thought that the girl would have been discarded, and that he wouldn’t have notice any other person as long as you were there.

But there he was, sat at a very small table at madam Puddifoot’s tea shop, regretting his every choice, with a very plain and awkward ravenclaw girl by his side, and in front of him the awfully cutesy couple seemingly having a staring contest.

The poor girl, Vic or something, was trying to make small talk and each time Theo just mumbled something in return. You on the other hand were always so nice and entertaining, not wanting her to feel left out you talked about every possible topic.

I'll play along with the charade

There doesn't seem to be a reason to change

You know, I feel so dirty when they start talking cute

I wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot.

But even though he knew it didn’t make sense, none of it made sense, him being there, him being there with that girl, he decided to just keep up with whatever this seemed to be. So for the rest of the evening he tried to be as charming as one should be on a first date, subtly trying to make you laugh more than he made her, and more than Mattheo made you. Being slightly arrogant about his advanced potions’ skills, his good grades, his quidditch wins and this sort of things.

And despite his real attempt to woo the girl just for the façade’s sake, as if for some cruel divine joke he seemed to have way more chemistry with you. Indeed you laughed at his stupid jokes, you didn’t stand back on an exchange of witty and cunning banter, and at one point you even completed one of his sentences. He felt like he was going to die if he had to keep faking this misplaced interest for just one second longer, until he looked at you, really looked at you. Nearly fused with Mattheo, holding one of his hands while his other was under your sweater. Exchanging sweet nothings at the same time you were talking to him. And Theo, who wasn’t a stranger to this scene, still felt like he was about to crash out, blinded by the infamous green eyed monster, and just like on the night of Halloween he felt dirty. This was one of those epiphanic moments in which he regained lucidity, disgusted with his behavior.

He did truly feel like shit. How could he not? His best friend’s girl? It was seriously the least loyal thing that he could think of, it was the first rule of bro code. Goddamn, it was a commandment.

But he loved you. His heart ached for you, every smile you directed to him, every word, every nod, every acknowledgment from you got him completely drunk.

And in these very rare lucid moments he felt ashamed, a sinner. Besides, most of the time it all felt right, it was right to be selfish, it made sense, just like it would have if he finally told you. Because there was nothing that he wanted more than to break free from the heavy chains of this secret and confess.

In those few, clear moments, he sobered up, and kept realizing that it would have been irrational and mostly vain. Because you loved Mattheo. And he couldn’t do anything to stop that.

Cause she's watching him with those eyes

And she's loving him with that body, I just know it

And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night

You know, I wish that I had

Mattheo’s girl.

The date ended, and so did Theo’s hopes on encountering someone like you. And with them died also the dreams of a reciprocation of his feelings. Just like they did every damn time he saw your shiny eyes looking at his best mate. There was no point. He could just surrender to his impossible love and move on eventually, while having to stand there and watch every kiss, every lingering touch, every form of pda the world knew.

He found peace only at night, when he dreamt of you and him together, doing all the things he had seen you do with him.

And I'm looking in the mirror all the time

Wonderin' what she don't see in me

I've been funny, I've been cool with the lines

Ain't that the way love's supposed to be?

Tell me, where can I find a woman like that?

You know, I wish that I had

Mattheo's girl

What Theo really just didn’t understand was what could he possibly have less than him, people had always told them how similar they were, did Mattheo become all of a sudden the better version? No, impossible. Theo searched for the answers in the mirror, trying to think of what he didn’t have that Matt did. Sure, he was more muscular, but that had never meant that he wasn’t just as strong.

Was his personality the problem? It couldn’t! No, because whenever you spoke to each other you seemed so at ease, you seemed like you were aware of the flick of fire that lit between the two of you.

24th of November

Theo had just come back from the library to his dorm, thinking he’d be alone, he dived on his messy unmade bed hoping to rest his poor head filled with tangled thoughts that were all screaming your name.

“Rough day?” he gasped, nearly falling out of the bed “Oh dear Merlin, you scared me” he said holding his chest with one hand, and his forehead with the other one. “Scared of a little company, aren’t you Theo?” “You don’t know just how much” he answered you completely honest, though you didn’t know he wasn’t joking.

“So w- what are you doing here? Waiting for Mattheo?” he asked, truly regretting the last part, and having to say it out loud. “Not really, but since he gave me the password to the common room, I figured why not?” “So you do spend time apart? I wasn’t aware” he faked a surprised expression and made you laugh “Well, you know sometimes it all just feels like a lot, I mean…” you tried to make sense without sounding mean “are you trying to say that he’s too much?”. “No, no please Theo, come on I didn’t mean it like that” Theo was snickering, feeling somewhat relieved that it was too much even for you. “You know what I mean, like I love him, truly” you said and Theo’s smile faltered for a beat, then came back normal as if his heart hadn’t just been wounded by what you said to him. “But we just might spend too much time together, and like I said, I love him but I love my own personal space too”. “Well i don’t blame him” he said “it’s easy to get lost in time when you’re with someone like you” he let out this risky statement testing you, trying to see your reaction. Your cheeks welcomed a burning pink tint on them, and you looked down at your feet lightly smiling “Someone like me?” you looked back up at him with a challenging glance “yeah, someone effortlessly fun” “and what else?” “I’m sorry I can’t come up with another lie” he said smirking at you. You suddenly got up to your feet, went up to him and pushed him. “Fuck off Theo” you told him laughing “Someone who can take a joke definitely” he said trying to keep his cool after feeling your touch, “Ah, ah, ah. And here I was thinking you liked me!” you feigned an insulted face “I don’t like you…” he said seriously now. You stood there still, in front of him, the heat returned to hit you in your face.

That was it. He knew and he firmly believed you knew it too. He was gonna say it, he extended his arm and gently took your hand “No, I-“ “Y/n babe are you in here?”. You took back your hand, and went to your boyfriend as fast as you could.

-Of course- Theo thought to himself, who else could interrupt his one chance to finally tell you, if not your stupid boyfriend. “Oh dude hi, kept her company I hope?” “Yeah well I was just about to leave, bye Matt” and then he looked at you, who were now in his friend’s arms, like every damn time. Your eyes met his “bye y/n”.

His cards were now on the table, and maybe for this reason or for his undeniable guilt, that was the last thing he had told you. The feelings were still there, but so were yours, even if he genuinely had believed that he saw something in your eyes in that moment.

The truth was that there was something, there were those sparkles, the same Mattheo had when watching you. You just couldn’t admit it out loud, and now Theo had started to completely ignore you, so there was no point in trying to understand what was that you felt, no because you were always Mattheo’s girl.

[zillychu]

hi hello looks at the tags of ur recent act 5 sif art. i wld LOVE to hear more about the stress level mechanic you mentioned if you perhaps wanna ramble about it 👉👈

I kept putting off answering this ask forever bc I wanted to finish the idea it came with, but idk when that will happen so here we go!

This was a game mechanic I thought of while refining an idea for a hypothetical sequel (two actually, for a trilogy), where Siffrin essentially remains OP as hell. But this does not actually make things easier.

Ramblings about the distress level mechanic, and story thoughts under the cut! This contains spoilers!

Re: In Stars and Wind

(get it. re: because it's a sequel. and also re:wind. wind is important. and there are no loops but Sif rewinds. god I'm so funny)

[[ Act I, part I ]]

Starts as a slow, cute holiday where the player gets to control different party members for each part of the story for different points of view and inner thoughts, to get a better feel of where everyone is emotionally.

Now in Bambouche, the party is traveling together, the atmosphere very much a relaxed and welcomed vacation. We see some of the new, but very mild conflict they have to juggle–how everyone has different opinions on handling their exploding fame, different ideas on where to go next… acclimating to Siffrin’s new demeanor and ailments. 

It's nothing terrible! Siffrin is more susceptible to Crafting sickness now, like an old injury that's fully healed but can get sore easily. Using Craft normally tends to mean lingering fatigue, maybe a nap or two. Heavier usage, and he gets body aches and fevers. 

He's also…different, now. They all know, they understand, they take it all in genuine stride. It's just a bit bumpy when Siffrin brings up something he shouldn't know, references things that never happened, still instinctively reaches for their knife or looks for easy ways to die when they feel cornered. Sometimes he gets unreasonably scared in battle, sometimes unreasonably scary. His power fluctuates from lv.1 to lv.999 (wait, wasn't the level cap supposed to be 99?)

Odile and Isa are the first ones seen discussing how odd that is. They saw those after-images of him running through the House on his own, they know he's strong. Much stronger than anyone could be even with years of fighting Sadness. (How long was Siffrin trapped in those loops, anyway?) Hell, he had the power to become something akin to a god.

They chalk up his moments of weakness to Craft Sickness, perhaps even a new and lingering disorder. They're not worried about it being a bother, they're just worried about what it could mean for him. They've brought it up before, but Sif also looked a bit confused and would say he just felt weak and tired for some reason. They think maybe his ridiculous power back then was only there due to the Wish Craft that no longer exists–maybe they're blowing things out of proportion.

Though all in all, everyone is happy! They're all together, seeing new places, becoming closer. 

At the end, they have a campfire picnic at night. It's then that everyone solidifies they're family now, and Sif is struck by how similar it all feels to that night. The night he wished he had back. He breaks down into tears and they try to comfort him, but he's happy. He tells them about that night now lost in the loops, how everything went right that day. Everyone laughs and cries and it's full and bright, their little campfire shining like a star in the night. They all love, and they're all loved. 

[[ Act I, part II ]]

Despite all the warmth. Despite all the joy and progress they've all made. 

Siffrin is still hiding something. 

Back in purely Sif's POV, we find out there's much, much more to his condition than everyone realizes. 

He struggles with keeping his masks in order, some of them popping up against his will. He doesn't have multiple personalities, but he is a bit more extreme with his personas. He tries to be Siffrin, the rogue, the traveler, the friend. But he's also Siffrin, who endured over a year stuck in a time loop, who aged what feels like eons, whose power now rivals a god's and can barely contain his extreme reactions to distress, to knowing or even thinking his family is in danger.

Sometimes, during a fight, he thinks a Sadness hit a friend a bit too hard–and he eviscerates it, gaze too dead and too cold and he can see the way his allies freeze up. Can see their uncertainty, their waiting fear (just like that time). Thankfully, he can shake it off once he notices they're safe, and they relax when he's “back to normal" easy enough. 

But it isn't just battles when this can happen. Sometimes even doing the simplest most mundane thing can slowly slip the contentment off his face (even if he's still happy!), or habitually slip into masking too hard with unnervingly fake smiles. Sometimes he'll simply order some food only to find the shopkeep staring at him warily.

But that's okay. He's used to acting. His family tells him he doesn't need to do that, that he shouldn't hide anymore. But this isn't the same, is it? He really is happy, he's just covering up some weird muscle memory that'll disappear in time. This is a good thing, actually! He's being more honest this way! Right? 

Like he's being “honest” about the Time and Wish Craft irrevocably etched into his soul now. He's not lying, he really does get Craft Sickness easily now! It's just. It's maybe not all coming from his “injury" of overusing Craft and nearly destroying the world. Not entirely. But that's part of it, so he's not lying! 

(Lying by omission is still lying. Stupid. Useless. Don't you ever learn? When will you learn? Can you learn? Why do you keep repeating the same mistakes–)

They're not the same mistakes though! He's getting better at talking to his friends, letting them know when he needs help. He's changing he's changed too much go back go back go back just like they are!

He knows he needs to tell them if something big happens. And he will! He'd never get trapped in a another time loop and not trust them enough to avoid relying on them. He knows now how much it hurts to see a loved one shoulder so much pain when you can be there to help split the burden.

But what's going on is nothing. It's silly! It's just him being silly. There's no reason to tell them about something they'll probably get all worked up over when it's really not that big of a deal. Friends don't tell friends absolutely everything, they've all admitted as much too! Sometimes you do have to balance little white lies, little secrets. Pick and choose which battles to share, which to keep personal. 

So it's really not that big of a deal! He's figuring out why his body still innately uses Time Craft sometimes and he rewinds the world a bit. 

Okay. Okay that sounds so much worse than it is. Really! He's not stuck in a loop anymore, he doesn't rewind whole days. He'll just. Sometimes he'll get hurt, or really scared, or really upset and the world kinda. Blinks back a few minutes, or hours. Back before the thing that caused him distress. 

They don't need to know about that. It's no big deal. Nothing has ever changed drastically anyway (Bonnie would have just gotten scuffed up falling down that hill, that stomach wound Odile sustained could have been easily healed, Isa would have recovered from a broken fractured leg, Mira could have dealt with that overzealous fan herself) 

It wasn't like he watched them die again again again, he didn't die, the world wasn't ending. Everything was fine!

Did that weird cat just talk. 

[Gameplay changes from here, traveling from town A to town B. There are still a lot of Sadness roaming about, you save a couple people, etc etc]

[[End of Act I]]

[GAMEPLAY DIFFERENCES]

Everything is the same, but has additional statuses now!

Buffs and debuffs have two levels, normal (1 level) and critical (2 levels)

In addition to HP, there's now distress (DL= distress level)

Distress increases with: 

Battle duration

Damage taken (healing proportionally reverses this) (lower HP = bigger increase)

Allies getting hit with Criticals

Allies getting low on HP

New enemy attacks that inflict negative emotions

Stress decreases with: 

Healing

Shields and buffs 

New distress-specific items

New neutral Craft ability: Breathe

Resets to 0 after battle victory

Effects of distress:

When personal distress hits a certain percentage, allies gain certain debuffs and/or buffs (intentionally made to show stress can be beneficial, up to a point)

20%: ATK/DEF/ATKSPD up (1)

40%: ATK/ATKSPD up (1), DEF down critically (2) (most mob fights stop around here)

60%: ATK up (1), DEF/ATKSPD down critically (2)

80%: ATK/DEF/ATKSPD down critically (2)

100%: Cannot act. Essentially frozen, can only be decreased with specific items/skills or battle end.

Siffrin only: 

As personal distress increases, the chance increases that Siffrin loses control of his strength, dealing massive damage 1.5x above a Critical, but at a cost. These are called Overclocked attack/Crafts (haha, get it?)

Overclocked attack: Hits all enemies and your party, lowering HP (including yourself)

Overclocked Craft: Increases both ally and enemy stress (including yourself)

80%: Act 5 Siffrin unlocked. Sprite permanently changed until distress is lowered under 50%. All attacks/Crafts are now Overclocked, and he only has DEF down critically. Allies gain distress 1.5x faster.

100%: Unleashes Wish Craft immediately (regardless of turn order), dealing massive damage to all enemies and allies, and brings HP down to 1. Gains special “Craft Sickness" status, where all stats are down critically for the remainder of the battle. 

This state is Siffrin instinctively attempting to go full bigfrin, but non-fatally stabs themself to keep their mind grounded :)

(You eventually obtain equips and/or Craft skills that minimizes the backlash of Siffrin's Overclocked hits and Wish Craft, making it a viable strategy to intentionally distress him. This has an effect on the story! It's not healthy to burn yourself out to achieve more in life, stop that.)

And that's all I have for now! I'm not sure if/when I'll get the urge to finish things up, but I have a super rough draft. Can you guess what the weird talking cat is about? :) Teehee

[grinnames]

HOW THE HECK DID THIS HAPPEN AND WHY ARE YOU ALL HERE

200+ followers.

We are over 200 followers strong already folks.

What do I even say?! Well I gotta say something, because it's been over a month since I hit this milestone, and I finally got all other ideas finished.

SO! Let's start with saying that I am incredibly and forever grateful and lucky that this has happened to me and that I get to do this online and that so many people enjoy my work. I've always been an outsider looking in, always the spectator, and never the performer. For so long, I have dreamed of finally being the person on the other side of the screen, making countless people smile and maybe even brighten up their day just a little bit. It feels like I've only just started making content on Tumblr SINCE LAST AUGUST, and I'm already having to write grandiose thank-you letters!

On a more serious note, I had been going through a rough time for the past few months, just a little after I started Tumblr. I had just transferred to a new school, and have had to leave all my friends behind for a second time. The transition period was hard, and I had never felt so lonely in a long while, but coming back online to see you interacting with my blog always brightened up my day. I've come to learn and accept that sometimes, online communities can be just as good as in-person communities, though it did take some getting used to!

Speaking of grandiose thank-you letters, let's get on to acknowledging some VIPs!

First, thank you everyone that has decided to hit the follow button, and for giving me a chance! It really feels validating, and motivated to continue working on and posting my story!

Also, I would like to thank God for gifting me with artistic talent and the drive to hone it at the tender age of five. He's given me so many opportunities to practice my craft, and He continues to give me more chances to use my gift for the happiness of others, and for myself. Without Him, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

@novajuniper! You know who you are to me. So I'm just here to remind everyone what you did. YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND IRL AND YOU ENCOURAGED ME TO START TUMBLR IN THE FIRST PLACE! You were also one of my first and only fans of my art for a very very long time. Everyone, let's give it up for the OG!!

@oppsiedoo! YOU. You were one of my first fans that gave me FANART! The first Godbox AU fanart came from you, and the first Grinnames fanart came from you! And then you kept giving me more! I'm honestly sometimes a little concerned with the amount of fanart you do for me and my work. Surely you have other creators you look up to?! But thanks for giving me that much support since the beginning when I was small! I felt so validated and seen!

@bow-and-aro-child and @smgx-pez! I always remember you because you were some of the first people to notice Godbox AU! Though we don't interact much, I very much appreciate that you stuck around! You two often appear as my top-fans on my Activities page!

Also @smgx-pez you were also one of my first reblogs. It was the one where you compared Rewrite Sonic to Godbox SMG4, and my stomach kinda dropped in a nervous but excited way! That thread where you found out I actually was inspired by Rewrite is something I will never forget because that's how I discovered that Tumblr was chill like that! Thanks for representing Tumblr!

@hexsie! You were also one of my first reblogs! I was so young and inexperienced on this platform and some stranger (you) sends me some OOC drawing of your OC hugging my boys... I have to admit I was very flattered but so stunned that I didn't know how to respond. Well, now here's the response! I now think that this interaction was hilarious! Thank you for being my introduction into the SMG4 community! Looking forward to that Hexsie lore!

(It's always been the Hug Saga, hasn't it...? From the very beginning...)

@smg6-the-memer! My first asker! You probably submitted the most asks to my ask box as well! That's how I remember you! I had actually not intended to start asks at the time, but the askbox was open by default, so I just went along with it because I HAD ALWAYS WANTED AN ASKBLOG. So thank you for being the push!

@supern0vashii! The infamous Starter of the Hug Saga! Also currently the Ender of the Hug Saga! (for now) We've come full circle! Honestly, Hug Saga was fun, and it's all thanks to you reaching out to me! You also started the Godboxified OC trend with SMG6... you really be out there trailblazing! I've always enjoyed redesigning my OCs to fit AUs... so to have people doing the same for MY AU?! IT FEELS SO AMAZING! Thank you!

@bear-boi-5! My first mutual that isn't @novajuniper! (she doesn't count because I met her IRL before tumblr) When you followed me back you have no idea how shocked and excited I was. I'm not really interested in the fandoms you draw for now, I mostly followed you for your amazing SMG4 au art (Monster Containment AU is my favorite! It's what got me to follow you!) but I'm sticking around because of the sentiment and I also like your vibes!

@michaelscorneroftheinternet! Holy hell. You are one of the creators that I really look up to! Your art-style is just so yummy! So I kind of, may have, freaked out when you joined the Godboxified OC trend AND followed me back! ON TOP OF THAT, YOU SAID I'M ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE CREATORS TOO?! I nearly died from all the happiness rushing up to my head! Not to mention, I really love your energy whenever you reblog stuff! It's rather infectious! Keep up the good work!

@libbytwq! I also look up to you! We may not have interacted much, but I am honored that you follow me back! I really enjoy watching SMGL:e's silly little adventures and interactions with other OCs! So much so that I was inspired by you to later publish some lore about my own OC Grinnames herself! I'm looking forward to some more delicious lore-drops in the future!

@purpdrawsthings! You are probably one of the the NICEST most BUBBLY people I have met on this platform! I just like watching you be nice to people and the fanart you make of other creators' AUs! Not to mention your own AUs are mighty interesting... I want to be as nice as you when I interact with other blogs! Also MY SONA BECAME AN ANIMATION IN YOUR CHRISTMAS VIDEO, SHE'S GOING PLACES THANKS TO YOU!

@bstroobery! specifically @bluestrawberrybunny, Apprenticeship AU is actually one of the first SMG4 fanfics I decided to sit down, lock in, and read through. And over time, your OCs SMG5 and SMG6 really grew on me! I also liked that you were open to AU interactions in your askbox, and crossovers have always been my sort of thing, so I decided that your askbox would be the first I would interact with! Thank you for being so chill with me!

@clowntrickery08! My latest mutual! Dude I really like your artstyle, and its super easy to tell that its you! The way you draw characters is really charming! So I can say for certain that I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN YOU DREW MY BOYS IN YOUR STYLE. Also I really like your sona's design! Also, your concept for SMGPuzzles and SMGWren is SO COOL that I am gonna play around with it sometimes!

@itz-miss-kamilyvision! My god, your OC has a whole-ahh saga in Godbox AU. You having your OC have so many interactions with my boys was so much fun to watch! Thank you doing all that, I always love making characters interact and you gave me just that over and over again! I also like seeing your OCs lore, and the other interactions you have with other creators!

@alan-william! The one who turned ME into a gacha character AND animated me! But what I appreciated the most is how you made my sona interact with yours and also Micheal's. That is the closest thing to real human interaction to me on this platform, and something that I've enjoyed the most here is finding community, and I really feel connected with you!

@birdy-four! We haven't interacted that much, but to this day, that giant reblog of Godbox AU Chapter 0 with you word-vomiting everywhere about my fanfic is my favorite reblog of all time! I sometimes go back and read it again because while most people see my art, they don't really get to see my writing, and I've never gotten feedback like this before!

@smg33exe! And last but not least, the one that put my boy Godbox!SMG4 in a gacha video! BECAUSE OF YOU I MADE IT ONTO YOUTUBE! Thank you for throwing my creation out there on the web, and for creating a video that I sometimes come back to just to marvel at what I've become!

As for the rest of you... I have planned something that everyone can partake in! Stay tuned, I just need to finish preparing it...

[johnwickb1tsch]

Sympathy for the Devil ~ 23

A Donaka Mark x housekeeper!Reader fic, based on @discoscoob 's concept & bot! An unlikely flirtation turns into a dark obsession... Warnings: Donaka Mark is a bad man with a soft spot for you. dark romance, possessive behavior, nonconsensual voyeurism, red flag red flag girl!🔺, psychological games, power imbalance, eventual dubcon/nsfw/involuntary captivity. -> all chapters

Twenty-Three.

Now that you've fallen into the new lifestyle of a kept woman, Donaka usually rises before you do. He works out or trains or swims, or sometimes he's already gone to the office by the time you stumble out of bed. 

In your defense, he keeps you up late. 

One morning, you wake to find an old photograph on your night stand, resting on the Tai Chi book you've been making your way through.

It looks like it's from the 80s, a young man seated on a tattered couch in a studded leather jacket, a teenage girl beside him. They look similar, pretty, with fine features and dark eyes. The boy has a dusting of a moustache on his upper lip. 

It takes you an embarrassing amount of seconds to realize it’s Donaka. He must be in his early twenties, glowering at the camera, and yet…somehow he’s a little awkward too. His hair is long, past his chin, and so fluffy you would have died to touch it had you been there. Beneath the young man’s unapproachable facade, even through the photo, you sense a melancholy in this boy that squeezes your heart.

It’s creased down the middle between the two subjects, as though it's been folded for years.

You wonder if the younger girl is his sister. 

You'd asked him what he looked like when he was younger, that day in the restaurant. You never actually expected him to deliver. 

You clutch the image to your chest, thinking about the journey that young man had undergone to get to that moment, and what he must have done to get to where he is now. You don't know the details of that in between, but you want to. Someday, you hope he'll trust you enough to tell you. 

Donaka took your old journal, but you have a new one tucked into the drawer. You haven't actually managed to write anything in it yet. Something about absolutely knowing he will read whatever you write has stymied your creativity. But it feels like a safe place to store this new treasure, and you tuck it gingerly between the acid free pages.

You hope he hasn't left yet, and you get out of bed to look for him, pulling on your long robe as you go out the door. You slip out onto the terrace, the sub-tropical morning like magic before the heat of the day sets in. Quietly you pad barefoot on the stone, and you pause at a distance to admire the object of your search. 

To say he swims like a fucking merman is putting it lightly, crossing the infinity pool with powerful strokes, back and forth. You seat yourself silently on one of the deck chairs, watching him make his laps.

He erupts over the edge of the pool, his gaze immediately zeroing in on you. “Spying on me, bunny?”

You smile in answer. “You're not the only one who likes to watch.”

“Is that so?”

“The view from here is a solid ten.”

He smirks, because he knows he's beautiful, damn him. He crooks a finger at you. “Come here.”

“I don't have on my suit.”

“That's a problem why?”

“It’s too cold.”

“Don’t make me come get you.” He says it with a gleeful menace that suggests he would relish the chase.

Knowing you are doomed, you shrug out of your robe, and slowly pull your nightie over your head. You have long since numbed yourself to going about the house naked when Donaka demands it. All the staff have probably gotten an eyeful at some point, for which you are sorry. The heated look he pays you more than makes up for your embarrassment, going straight to your clit, and you narrow your eyes playfully, annoyed by your own desire, but totally resigned by now. You walk to the edge, stopping just out of reach with a hand on your hip.

“Closer.”

“Make me,” you taunt, diving over his head into the water.

You're an ok swimmer. You won't be winning Olympic gold anytime soon, but you can usually manage not to drown. 

All that goes out the window when Donaka Mark is after you. 

You barely make it mid-pool before he's got you in his clutches, his strong arm around your waist, and you almost drown yourself because you are laughing. 

“Breathe, bunny,” he scolds you, hoisting you out of the water and patting your back too hard, punishing you a little for defying him. 

You cling to his solid form like a limpet, coughing and laughing. He presses you back against the infinity edge of the pool, the water sluicing over. All too pleased with yourself, you smile at him, blinking the water out of your eyes. 

“Someone’s up early.”

“Hmm.” You kiss him, running your fingers through his wet hair. You think back on that photograph, remembering those luxuriously dark curls that framed his face. 

“You should grow your hair out,” you tease, spiking the hair at his temples.

He lifts an eyebrow to this, smirking at you. 

“Ah, you liked your little gift?”

You nod, biting your lip. “You were so pretty.”

“Were? Thank you, ingrate.”

“Well. You're devastatingly handsome now. If it's any consolation…” you begrudgingly admit.

An approving grumble emanates from deep in his chest, and he presses you into the side of the pool a little harder with a kiss, his hold on you migrating down to cup your bare ass.

“Who…is the girl?”

“Jealous?”

“I think it's your sister.”

“Clever little rabbit.”

“Where was that taken? Toronto?”

“New York. We moved there for one of my mother’s numerous boyfriends.”

“Oh. Does…she still live there?”

He shakes his head, but offers you no more, pinning you with that dark gaze. 

“What…was your life like, when that photo was taken?” 

“Chaotic.” 

“How so?” 

He growls at your litany of questions, grazing your shoulder with his teeth. “Were you in a motorcycle gang?” you tease him, thinking of that bitchin’ jacket. 

“Not exactly,” he deadpans. You pause, wondering if he means he was in a gang, period. “Would you believe me if I told you I was an angry young man?” 

Nooooo, not at all. 

You bite back your sarcasm, hoping for more. “I might.” You run your nails through the short hair at the back of his head, but he doesn’t elaborate, the silence stretching between you. You think that maybe he wants to tell you about his past. He wouldn’t have given you that photograph otherwise. But maybe, he doesn’t know how. 

So you hold him closer, kissing his neck and enjoying the warmth of his bare skin pressed to yours in the glittering blue water. 

“Don’t pity me,” he grouses, like he can feel what you're thinking.

“I’m not,” you assure him. “I’m fascinated by you.” 

“Hmm. Nosey girl,” he growls into your hair. 

“Like you can throw stones.” 

This earns you a grumble of laughter from deep in his chest. “Most of what I know about you, you put out there for anyone to find, if they knew where to look.” You’re pretty sure he also hacked your email, but you suppose that’s mostly true. 

“Ok. So why did you look?” 

“I was curious about you.” It’s the understatement of the century. He doesn’t admit to you that he uses his knowledge like power. You suppose he doesn’t have to. 

“Well. I’m curious about you.” You try to draw this parallel for him, hoping he’ll return the favor.  

It earns you a grumble and another long silence, this imposing man holding you just this side of too hard in the serenity of the early morning with the water lapping around you. You rest your head on his broad shoulder, savoring the quiet with him, feeling his pulse through the fever-heat of his bare skin pressed to yours. Even if he doesn’t want to talk anymore…this is enough. 

At the moment you come to accept the finality of the silence between you, he begins to speak. “We were dirt poor, and constantly moving from house to apartment to house, depending who my mother was fucking at the time. She had a steady stream of boyfriends, but no one who wanted to be a father to us. I hated being home, if you could call wherever we were crashing at the time that, so I was always out on the street, getting into trouble. Big trouble. I think I left for Macau…a week after that photo was taken.” 

You can’t help but think that it makes sense in a way, that enduring such a childhood with no stability made a man who relishes absolute control over everything.  

“You were so young.” 

“In face only. How old were you, when you left the country on your own for the first time?” 

“Nineteen.” 

“We’re not so different then.” 

You’d left to see the world, and maybe to look for something to fill the hole that we all have inside–not to avoid prosecution for a crime–but maybe it was similar in the end. 

“Why did you have to leave?” you dare ask, insufferably curious.

“One of mom’s boyfriends thought that my little sister came with the package. I had to correct him of that notion.” 

Your eyebrows raise high, a sick feeling in your belly. It’s possible you know more than you’d like about that scenario from your own mother’s selfish choices. You’re not sure if he’s implying he killed this man, or simply beat him, but you find…you don’t care. 

“Your sister’s lucky she had you.” 

“Maybe. My mother disowned me though. She said I was just like my father.” 

“Oh, Donaka. That’s not fair. What did you do then?”

“I went to go find him.” 

“How?” 

“I had my ways.” 

“Oh come on.” You nip at the bulging muscle of his shoulder, winning a growl that curls your toes under the water. 

“Macau is a place where you can gamble on anything in the back room. I found out he’d finally become a wealthy man running an underground, high stakes fighting ring.”

“This is starting to sound like the plot of a JCVD movie.” In your perhaps misguided way, you try to cheer him by cracking jokes.

“JCVD? I don’t even merit your beloved Jackie Chan?” 

You giggle. “Ok. Jet Li, maybe. Do you remember Romeo Must Die? I think it changed my brain chemistry as a teenager.” 

He snorts at that. Afraid that you’ve derailed his story, you prompt, “So…you got into the fighting ring?” You’ve seen him training, and he is scary. You imagine a younger version of him in the octagon could have drawn a hell of a crowd.

He grunts in acknowledgement, distracted by kissing a line down your neck, his long fingers inching towards your center, and you hitch in your speech as you ask, “Did he…know who you were?” 

“Not at first.” There’s no emotion in those three words, but you sense a sea of fury beneath them, deep deep down. 

“What…happened?” 

“I won enough fights to get his attention. He was so impressed he offered me a place in his organization. Then, I destroyed him.”

You go still in his arms as this sinks in. You can’t shake that he means that he killed his father, and maybe many others too. But after what Donaka told you his father did when he was just a child…practically a baby…maybe you don’t blame him. Maybe you understand his need for revenge all too well.  “Are…you worried the 14k might come after you someday for that?”

“They split themselves into smaller factions of operation to limit liability, if someone gets caught. Anyone who ever knew anything about my involvement is gone. Except for you, now.” 

Gooseflesh erupts down your arms as you realize there is a responsibility as well as a threat folded into this information you so badly wanted to possess. Not that you would ever be able to prove anything to anyone, but the power of a stray word can turn into a big wave, in the right circumstances. He is both trusting you–and binding you even further to him. 

“Then what?” you ask, realizing with a new finality just how deeply you’re in now. You can’t say you were still actively thinking about going home lately, but something about this new revelation succeeds in pushing you off center somehow.  

“I came to Hong Kong with the nest egg I’d earned. I had inside experience with how the Triads worked. I used it to offer wealthy businessmen protection from them. And as you can see…that’s gone well for me.” 

You draw back to look at him, studying his handsome features. You’d sensed from the very beginning that he was a man who was quite capable of terrible things. But then, sometimes that’s what it takes in this hard world, and it’s hard to feel sorry for the boyfriend who made a pass at an underage girl, or his father, a man who wanted to hurt his own children, then abandoned them. Are your morals so flexible, or do you just know you’re no one to judge amidst the life you’ve lived in comparison?   

You should be horrified, but you're not. 

You shouldn't want him, but oh, you still do.

“That would make a hell of a Jackie Chan movie,” you tell him with a small smile, lightening the mood just enough to win you that sardonic smirk you’ve come to hold so dear. 

“Finally, the recognition I deserve,” he scoffs, fixing you with that gimlet stare that should scare the piss out of you, but instead…fills you with something effervescent and light. 

You do need your head examined. 

“So you like martial arts movies,” he muses, paying you a contemplative look that makes you nervous somehow. “Have you ever watched a real fight?” 

You know, because he’s told you, that that’s where he goes on the evenings when he doesn’t return until the wee hours of the morning. You realize he must have a particular appreciation for the sport, after having participated in such things himself. 

“I’ve been to a few peewee tae kwon do tournaments in my day,” you tease. “I’ve even got the little gold plastic trophy to prove it.”

This makes him throw back his head with wicked laughter, amused, as ever, by your cheek. No one else in the world would dare, he thinks to himself. He knows that part of your bravery comes from the fact that you still don’t understand, even after his confession to you, what kind of monster has you in his arms. And part of it…part of it is just you, and he is never going to let you go. 

“Pee wee tae kwon do. Aren’t you adorable.” 

“So I hear.” 

“How did I not know that about you?” 

“It was a dark time, before every move we made was immortalized on the internet…”

He huffs with reluctant laughter. “I see. So you’re initiated. Does that mean you’d like to see a real fight with me?” There is a sudden hunger in his gaze, his lips parted with the eagerness of a tiger tasting the wind. You can’t help but notice that he is rock hard between your legs, his cock pressing insistently against you as his gaze bores into yours. 

Perhaps you whetted his appetite, accepting his confession of his past sins so easily, but he finds he wants to share this with you. 

But you, oblivious to the sudden firestorm erupted in his heart, backpedal at the sudden bloodlust in his eyes. “Do people get really hurt?” 

“The fights I attend are a test of true warriors, not a suburban blackbelt league.”

You let out a shaky breath, feeling uneasy, partly at the thought of the bloodsport, and partly for the hungry way he’s suddenly looking at you. “Can I think about it?” 

You know you’ve disappointed him, for the way his expression immediately closes off from you. “Nevermind, bunny. I don’t think you’d like it.” Maybe he was tempted by the chance to be accepted completely by you for everything that he is, horns, claws, and all…what a foolish notion. He knows better than to expose that underbelly to anyone who is not blooded. What was he thinking? 

Perhaps it’s not only teenage boys, who forget to reason with their real brains when a beautiful woman is around. 

You find you’re disappointed to have the chance to go with him to these mysterious nocturnal outings snatched completely from the table. You stick out your lip, sensing you’ve let him down. 

“Maybe…let me watch some more tournaments with you first. I do like that.”

“Hmm.” His interest sharpens again; you feel it like the weight of a blade upon your skin. “Do you miss doing martial arts?”

You shrug. “I was very young.”

“Are you liking your book on Tai Chi?”

“It’s interesting.”

“Alright, bunny. We’ll see then.” 

Before you can answer his mouth is slanted over yours, and with a pull at the fabric of his shorts he has buried himself inside you. He fucks you against the side of the pool, your nipples in his mouth as he bends you back over the edge.

You feel like you might fall off the side of the world, with him thrusting inside you, your body tumbling off into the void, right behind your sanity. As he fills you with hot ropes of his seed, your greedy cunt milking his cock through your own ecstasy, you know that you’re utterly lost to this man–you’re just lucid enough to recognize it, but much too far gone to care. 

all chapters

[pearlescentparade]

I LOVE MEDKIT TEEHEE ill do headcanons cus i need to get thru these requests!! sorry chat u shouldnt have given me the option to do less work </3

also this was the request that I TOTALLY DIDNT POST ACCIDENTALLY WHNE I MEANT TO SAVE IT TO DRAFTS. THIS IS TOTALLY 😁😁😁NOT THAT REQUEST😁😁😁😁😁 IDK WHAT UR TALKING ABOUT!!!! 😁😁😁😁😁😁

⬧ medkit nsfw headcanons ❤️‍🔥💞

will only ever be a top, it would take a lot of trust for him to allow himself to be placed in a vulnerable position. in fact, getting to that point in your relationship where he's comfortable with sex takes much patience and time

not very experienced, he's barely even had romantic partners. has to rely on your guidance, so he's very awkward and stiff at first but he eases into it soon enough. but best believe that you're in good hands, because medkit is a fine service top. he would always checks on you to make sure he's doing okay and that you're enjoying it

slow and sensual, he believes sex is more enjoyable when partners can fully savor each other. though if he's particularly stressed that day from being pestered for healing, he lets himself be more rougher

it's never an immediate jump into sex with medkit, there's usually quite some foreplay involving passionately making out and wandering hands. medkit rarely initiates intercourse himself, he has a low sex drive + it's typical for him to suppress his wants, so he rarely acts on them. usually you're the one expressing your desire, but it doesn't mean he doesn't want you just as badly

crazy good at humiliation (it rolls right off the tongue with his sardonic personality) but he would much rather praise you and tell you how beautiful you look. though he enjoys forcing you to use your words to say what you want

also likes to be called sir, would dabble in a little power dynamic roleplay if you want to. if you make him do a doctor/patient roleplay, he'll do it, though reluctantly because he thinks it's corny and "medical malpractice".

if you interrupt his reading with your need, he'd make you read the book for him while he fucks into you. any mistakes or pauses, and he'll stop and refuse to continue until you read the paragraph correctly

his favorite positions are the ones where he can see the adorable faces you make and know that you're getting pleasured

pretty quiet during sex, he gasps and grunts

he'll never admit it out loud, but he's a thighs fan. likes being squished by them as he gives you cunnilingus

his stamina level is okay, he'd be satisfied with one round. but if you're still needy, you can convince him to let you bounce on his cock without him doing anything

lets you cockwarm him as he's busy doing paperwork

prefers to have sex with the lights off, he doesn't like being perceived. sometimes he'll even have you blindfolded, delighting in the sheer trust that you have in him

his crystal glows when he climaxes

not opposed to using or even creating sex toys, he was an ex-scientist after all. adores seeing your reaction when he surprises you with one during sex, and watching you unravel from the pleasure you're receiving from both him and the toy

he does NOT play around with aftercare. he asks if you're feeling okay and ensures you're not feeling any pain, cleans up, and makes sure you eat a good meal and hydrate before joining you in bed again (parade postscript: less headcanons this time around but theyre more detailed, hope that's okay!!)

[i-have-rabies-dw]

This is what the executive order banning all gender affirming care for those under 19 is called. Oh these fucks. They hope for the deaths of so many Americans, rub their tiny little hands together praying for a bunch of trans teenagers grow so disgusted with themselves and so caged by their bodies they fucking kill themselves. I cannot describe my anger. It doesn't matter if I expected it.

Rant below

It does matter, to me, that was how long I was forced to wait in my red area, though I can't describe the depths of hell I went through, I could not describe the levels of dehumanization, to feel like a stray dog beneath every one of your peers and family members, desperate for love and acceptance by just one person to find the only way would be a noose. I could tell you how much it causes you to disconnect yourself, to view yourself as something other than human, to view human's as a violent hateful creature, breeding, spreading, and trading violence like a disease. How it would be utterly repulsive to be like them. So narrow minded, so unwilling to accept someone for such minor differences.

I didn't know what transgender meant or was until 8th grade. In 4th, I got access to the Internet for the first time, with it, I made my first representation of myself no one in my physical life could interfere with. I forget the name I went by, but I was thought to be a boy by everyone online who spoke to me. I kept it that way, even once they got to know me, it was right. In my younger years, I had no friends, never did I have a kindergarten or elementary best friend, I didn't know it was normal to sit with a group of friends until I read Harry Potter in middle school. Ha, and never did I ever have that group of friends to sit with. I was a loner to the most extreme example of that term, none of it was by choice. I even dropped out of high school and graduated in an alternative way because I couldn't stand being friend to no one, enemy to more than necessary for never speaking. Before that, at during lunch and "recess," I sat between the wall to the staff bathroom and a large paper rack that sat in the hallway, I did this until I aged out of that building. With dropping out, I did it immediately after coming out as trans and finding that suddenly, all my peers felt more justified taking licks at me. No one person respected it at the time, and I got kicked already for coming out as trans months prior and a bunch of drama because of that (mistake #1 never come out to your family first). I was an optimistic child. I was an extroverted child, excited and enthusiastic about the world. I was kind to all. Then I met the world and saw no one like me in it.

Also, another thing, a lot of transfems and transmascs have fatal rates of anorexia or restrictive eating(asides the inherent body issues that come with it), both in attempts to pass as their gender and, my speculation and projection, self punishment. I was well below 100 pounds for years, and I'm a tall guy.

I laugh in the face of transphobes, I don't think they could survive.

My AM like monolog/vent overrrits.

Almost

Sometimes I wonder, if when I first came if I had acceptance, what would have been different with acceptance from even some of the family? The reason I came out to my family is I needed to socially transition with family and peers IRL before the doctors wanted discuss it further with me as a minor, they still didn't allow me when I was 18 and out for years so it was more than that but alas. If I didn't get kicked out, I wonder what it would have been like to start transitioning younger, to switch to a different school and have a chance at a second life not so jaded, with "my"/a family. I'm still alone, I think I might always be, I'm starting to be okay with that.

Oh, also for everyone thinking blue states are institutionally good and positive places for queers to live, welcome to rural Washington, where the concept of a butch- or even masculine women would be enough to make heads explode, least where I'm from they may as well as be Idaho legislators in terms of values.

[strangegutz]

Not sure if this is a thing your struggle with, but how do you develop enough confidence in your ideas to actually commit them to materials? Especially with sculpture and 3d stuff I'm so afraid of actually starting because I do not have the money to replace stuff if I mess up or don't like the results

I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that there's never a net 0 gain from making art, especially when youre just learning something- yes, it might feel like youre wasting money if you mess something up, but you DID learn, and are less likely to make the same mistake next time, or now know a different angle to tackle it from.

You're building that art skill, right? But there's another skill you're building as you create that a lot of people don't think about- the ability to salvage a piece of shit! You now know your material, and you know how you constructed your piece, you know how you put it together, so you can take it apart again. never forget that you CAN walk things back- Even if you're completely finished and it's been sitting on the shelf for a while and you hate it, you can take that thing back down off the shelf, tear it apart, and give it some kind of new life. The name of the game with multimedia art is "juryrigging"

I understand though, I'm broke, I'm constantly worried about money, and I'll be honest, using something expensive that doesn't work the way I wanted can send me on a bit of a spiral, so I get it, but you must remember that you are building that skill no matter what!

Even more honesty: there's been a couple dolls that I've thought were god awful. I hate em. Don't like looking at em. They did really, really well. Still getting notes, sold right away, etc- sometimes we're the only ones that notice that we messed up. I still finished those pieces, people still loved em, and I know better for next time, lol

As an added note, there's a place here in my city that's kinda like a craft supply thrift store- see if theres anything like that near you, along with raiding fabric store remnant bins, couponing, etc, craft stores can have some great sales sometimes!

in summary: unfortunately the best way to gain confidence is by doing, but you'll always come out more knowledgeable than before!

[shy-canadian-snowflake]

Not Sober.

“What is that smell?” Al asked, walking into the living room. She made her way to her chair- the only safe place to sit in the whole apartment. The men knew it was off limits for any and all bodily fluids, their pimply asses were not allowed to touch her fucking chair. 

“Oh sorry Al.” Wade said from the couch. There was a warble to his voice that instantly concerned her. She sat down and turned to face the other. The smell hit her next.

“Oh for fuck sakes.” There was a weak laugh from Wade at that. She shook her head disapprovingly. “You know what the doctor said.”

“That noes doesn’t miss anything, does it all.” There was a sound of someone sucking hard on something. A second later the smell of something with a fake fruity smell hit the air. 

“Wade.” She sighed before shaking out her head. “Did you at least get a good one this time?”

“Uhh dunno. Found it in the back of a drawer.” He spoke slowly, and she held her hand out.

“Motherfucker. This probably isn't even yours.” It hit her hand a second later, she brought it to her mouth and took a long breath in. She held it for a moment before puffing it out. “You are in luck, you little shit. I’d never buy something weak.”

“It’s not that weak when you’ve smoked half of it already.”

“Yeah you are right. Want to tell me why?” There was another inhale as Wade took another puff. 

“Because fuck it. Fuck every fucking damn thing. Just fuck it.” She shifted in her seat, getting more comfy for the rant she knew was going to come sooner or later. 

“What are we fucking and why?” She put her feet up and patted her lap. A second four legs were on her. She pet Mary as she wanted for Wade to wind up. 

The bottles on the side table rattled as Wade stood up quickly. “Fuck my doctor. Fuck my brain. Fuck every fucking thing.” 

“Had a bad day?” She asked as he started pacing back and forth. Wade inhaled again on the stick.

“No! That’s what makes it worse. I’ve had a good week, the best fucking week I’ve had in months. Only one bad day after talking to Dr. No-More-Weed-ingson.” 

“You haven’t smoked in 5 months. So why did you sweetheart?” There was a thump, and from the sounds of it, Wade was on the floor staring up at the ceiling no doubt. 

“I don’t know Al. Maybe because I kept telling myself I could start smoking it again soon? I just had to wait it out.” She hummed “And now it’s a forever no. Apparently it can make everything worse. Don’t they fucking get it that it makes it better?” There was some movement as Wade rolled around on the floor. “Everything is slower. I can be stupid- more stupid- than normal. I can get lost in my brain without all the bad coming. I just have to think of kittens, or Keanu Reeves and everything is light. I don’t have to be back on earth where everything is dark and it sucks ass.”

“Yeah, being sober is hard. Makes everything more real. You are struggling with the unreal Wade. You should keep the upper hand and stay where it’s more real.” There was a loud sigh and a thud as something hit the wall. She guessed the pen,It better have been empty before he tossed it out. 

“You’re right… I should but sometimes I don’t want to. Just for the next few hours, I need to float away. To have some control over my fucking body by not having control. Then I’ll get sober again, I’ll stop smoking weed.” 

“You can do it sweetie. You have a good head on your shoulders, when it is on your shoulders.” She felt a hand squeeze her foot and gave a little jump.

“Thanks Al. You can see so much that I can’t… Though right now I wish you could, cause I think my brain floated away. Do you ever think ‘damn chickens are sick as fuck.’ We have cool ass little dinosaurs, and I can have it in my home. Oh my god Al, Al, chickens are the only dinosaurs we can eat.”

“What about turkey?” 

“Al, holy shit we can eat more than one dinosaur. That just blew my mind.”  “Oh Logan is going to hate this.” “I’m going to hate what?”

--

don't do drugs kids. or do them safely and talk with your doctor.

[quartztwst]

Dormleaders <- Student Council

(No Yandere Sim AU)

This mostly talks about the dormleaders in TWST being the student council and their jobs.

What is the Student Council?

The student council is a group of handpicked students that are in charge of supervising their fellow classmates and running school events with the staff. In this AU, the school still goes by NRC (because I don't know what to call it) and it's a very famous and huge school.

Because of the size, it's very easy for students to go off and do whatever they want without being caught. That's why they have student council members to keep surveillance and keep the school in check.

Meet the Student Council Members!

Riddle Rosehearts

"Smoking in this school is forbidden! I shall report you immediately!"

Riddle Rosehearts is the strictest and the most scariest to get caught by because of his temper. Since he lives with his mother, he is very influenced by her and tries his best to uphold the rules of the school. He is mostly a hallway monitor and trying to find if anyone is breaking the rules.

Leona Kingscholar

"Council duties? Yaawwwnnn.. Tell me about it later. Stop botherin' me."

Leona Kingscholar is a prince from a royal family from overseas. He is mostly seen sleeping on trees and not doing much council work but he does discipline the students. Sometimes, they will have to send out a council assistant to fetch Leona during some meetings.

Azul Ashengrotto

"No need to be so scared! I'll won't tell a soul on what you did here if you do one little thing for me. Deal?"

Azul isn't really the person you wanna get caught by while he patrols the halls. He is similar to Riddle by being some sort of hallway monitor but he only does it to find dirt on other students. He's a son of a restaurant owner so during school events, he's really good at selling in food concessions.

Kalim Al-Asim

"Hey! Hey! You're invited to my super cool party at my place tonight! There's gonna be some super fun games there and-"

Kalim Al-Asim managed to get into student council because of his dad paying a very GENEROUS amount of money to the school. He doesn't seem to do much work but he's really good at bringing people together. He sometimes let's some students off the hook if they're not doing anything too bad.

Vil Schoenheit

"You shouldn't hold a teacup like that, potato. Here. I'll show you. Put your pinky out and then take a sip."

Vil Schoenheit is quite popular in the school since he is a famous actor; ranking #2 on the most popular celebrity lists. He is quite the eye candy at school and he is very responsible. Although, it's rumored that he has some sort of grudge against the top actor Neige Leblanche who is in NRC's rival school.

Idia Shroud

"Wha- WAHWHHA- H-Hey! Uh.. You scared me.. Why are you lurking by corner like that anyway?.. Weirdo."

Idia is mostly seen as his stupid floating tablet but sometimes he comes in person (because he has to). He's a very tech guy and even has a robot brother (although no one seems to ask). Idia isn't very social though and tries to be unseen (unless it's a topic he's interested in).

Malleus Draconia

"Child of Man, can you please assist me on my phone? The space button is on the bottom of the keyboard correct?"

Malleus Draconia, one of the most powerful magic users in the whole world and even being a prince. He is quite mysterious and intimidating. People are too scared to approach him due to his status and maybe because he's super powerful. They have also started to forget about his existence and this leaves him left out and uninvited.

Popularity at the School

Malleus Draconia <- although is left out

Vil Schoenheit

Azul Ashengrotto

Leona Kingscholar

Kalim Al-Asim

Riddle Rosehearts

Idia Shroud <- most people don't know his family

Popularity Outside of School

Vil Schoenheit <- celebrity status

Malleus Draconia

Kalim Al-Asim

Leona Kingscholar

Azul Ashengrotto

Idia Shroud

Riddle Rosehearts <- only a son to a doctor who is well known in his town

What are the Vice Dormleaders?

The vice dormleaders are just assistants to the council. They are voluntarily so that means anybody can help them.

I felt like adding another group of people like the vice dormleaders would be a bit much and also that leaves less room for OCs.

So basically anybody can help on the student council if they volunteer and are approved but most of the time, it's just the student council's closest people assisting like Jade and Azul, Vil and Rook.

What about Noble Bell College and Royal Sword Academy?

RSA equally as big as NRC and they are still rivals. They usually visit NRC during school events like the VDC and other things.

NBC, however, is a smaller school than NRC but NBC and NRC has a program where some students can spend a year at NRC for their studies.

Other Information:

❥ NRC does offer dormitories for students if chosen

❥ NRC does teach magic but it's a mix of magic and magicless students so there are certain courses you can take to learn more about magic.

(And that's all I got 😞)