#because either youre not messaging me back from the fact you know ill ask about it or i was right and they inexplicably fucking despise me

[theinfernalcalypso]

I'm digging my yearly grave to rot in early

Because how fucking dare you

You sweep back in on your promises after hurting me once

Only to disappear when they're due

To disappear after I gracefully gave you another fucking chance

I hope you're fucking proud of yourself

Because your name now belongs on a list

The list of people I'd sooner leave in the ashes

Than give them yet another fucking opportunity to strike me when I'm down

[lakesbian]

welcome to my post about why blake and rose from the wildbow webserial "pact" are doppelgangers of each other, which fucks

a doppelganger is literally defined as someone who looks identical to another person (while being unrelated to them), and while rose and blake look very similar because they are male and female iterations of the same person, no one is going to be mistaking them for each other. so one may ask: then how in the world are they doppelgangers. (it's me, i asked myself that while trying to figure out why i instinctively called them doppelgangers.) to which the answer is: they tick virtually every other box that doppelgangers are associated with so precisely that they've managed to become the world's first set of doppelgangers who do not actually look identical

doppelgangers are frequently written as unnerving due to unclear origin and intent--a doppelganger's lack of appearance distinct from a preexisting character is often associated with lack of a distinct & traceable identity, which is consequently associated with lack of clear intent, which means potential for ill intent. they are often intuitively interpreted as a potential threat encroaching on a place in the world that only one person was supposed to be able to fill. the "evil twin" type of horror story, the idea of being interchangeable with someone or something else who steals your life. maybe they follow the theft up by ruining or hurting who or what you cared about. maybe they just keep living cheerfully in your place while you're locked out. either way, the core idea is the horror of being completely replaceable.

and that's fundamentally what blake and rose are polarized against each other over. the central determining factor in their relationship is the fact that, even before they realize it, they're in a fight over who gets to exist. they used to be the same person, but that person got ontologically torn in half, and only one of the halves can fit in the space in the universe where the whole used to be. only one half gets to have the house, and the friends, and the feelings, and the life.

when rose is first introduced to blake, it's mysteriously and abruptly. rose is clearly frazzled and confused herself, she states clear intent to help blake, and blake quickly receives proof that rose's message to him was life-saving. yet even before anything markedly suspicious occurs, he's still intrinsically afraid of--and right to be afraid of--theoretical hidden intent. rose is slated to replace him in his own life while he acts as a lamb to slaughter for her, she knows it, she hides it from him, and she does take his place as intended. it's only by a sort of cosmically fortunate misfortune that blake still exists afterwards to realize that his paranoia was validated and experience the rage and despair of watching her unknowingly reveal the mechanisms through which she deceived him to his friends, who are none the wiser about the fact that they ever knew him instead of rose.

then it's rose's turn after blake climbs back out of oblivion and barges back into her life--being erased from the universe's memory means that he was erased from her memory too, and now she's the one in the spot of questioning how she could ever prove that this person who looks exactly like her-but-wrong (and knows so much about her life, and talks like her sometimes, and acts like her sometimes) actually has the decent intents he claims he does. and after she learns where he truly came from--the cleaving of the person they both used to be--the fear is only stronger, because she knows that he has impetus to fight to replace her so that he can be the extant one.

and i've said all of this without citing specific excerpts from the book because it is much harder to find pact excerpts than worm excerpts, but i definitely remember multiple of the little moments that highlight these more overarching ideas: blake first seeing rose in the mirror and having to touch his chest and watch as the movement fails to align to verify that it's not him. blake finishing a sentence the same way as rose at the same time as her and rose's following displeasure. rose and blake's former friends standing in front of him once he's the one in the mirror, discussing him as a potential threat. it's Good. they both get their turn on being the doppelganger. they both get their turn on being the threat of replacement. it's good. when will the horror enjoying wormfans read pact and think about blake and rose with me.

[iluvaobesegaki4694]

FF7 boys in a relationship (Turks)

Don't ask me why I decided to write this, I was just feeling really lonely and was like what would my bots be like as a bf?

Rufus

at best I don't think he would be a good bf. why? I feel like before his father passing he more or less acted really entitled and manipulative, he probably has had a few pass relationships (his first one being the worst one and kind of making him the way he is) that messed up either because he was too pushy or just... no that's just it. I feel like though he has more negatives he definitely has a loving side, he would always buy you the most expensive gifts, and occasional dates; though you probably wont see him often since he's the boss of shinra.

Tseng

Tseng is a die heart lover boy!!! he loves spending time with you, though he doesn't show it outside. I believe he often keeps to the stern and well spoken personality, when outside but at home he's all over you, hugs are his favourite. He's mostly like this because he for the most part doesn't get time to spend with you due to always being on a mission or being at work. Though when he's around you he makes sure you have the most nutritious food, and get good exercise. When Tesng is home, I feel like he would make different types of teas for you depending on what you need, for example when you need help with your insomnia, he makes you camomile tea, and gives you a nice back massage.

Rude

he's supportive. makes sure to bring you up every day, trust me the only times you don't get a message from him in the morning, is when he's in a different time zone, and doesn't want to wake you up with his messages. At the beginning he was really hesitant to make any moves on you but grew more comfortable as time went on, I know for a fact that he loves to show you off and make sure to make you food when he is at home. For reference, he loves making spicy food, and anytime your ill, he asks Tseng for some advice on what teas you should drink to help make you feel better.

Reno

HE IS SO HAPPY! he loves you so much, be ready for many phone calls and him talking you none stop, about anything and everything, I feel like most of your calls would be silent, since he doesn't have much to talk about (since he just called you an hour ago) but he defo loves to have your presence around him. When he is home, he loves to give you deep hugs, and back massages, mostly cause of your perfume; must i add that he sprays your perfume on his jumper when he hasn't seen you for a while? When it comes to food, I don't think he likes to cook, hell when he was training to become a Turk he defo spent most of his time eating ramen noodles, and the leftovers of what rude makes. So he's so happy when you cook, or even when you two get take always, be ready for snuggles and a couple of love kisses since he loves to do movie nights at home.

Cissnei

She's a reader... why is this relevant? because you and her going on library dates, and book shopping galore. She loves to write you little poems about you or read out poems about her day, though for the most part she won't share them with anyone else; but you. in terms of work, she keeps relatively active and doesn't go on many extensions, so most of her time is spent at the office working, if she gets off early, she will meet you at your office with a cupcake, or cookie for you to eat. she likes hugs, but prefers to kiss and hold you, but the way she most shows her affection is by doing you hair, since she loves to take care of her own hair skin; so be ready for a lot of hair masks, and face masks.

OKAY BONUS

Elena

Personally, I feel as if Elena would be super shy, and closed off in a relationship, even though she is amazing I feel like she has a lot of stress due to being, mind you, ONLY 18! so i feel like homegirl defo needs her positive affirmation, when it comes to the relationship. She isn't much of a cooker, so when it comes house shores she would do the cleaning/washing meanwhile you would cook, or she would get a take away. She spends most of her time working, since she tries really hard to prover herself, and doesn't want to be overlooked due to her age and gender, so a lot of the time you would find her passed out on her laptop in YOUR hoodie. when on a mission she often tries to text you to make sure your up, and have an explanation on what she's doing as well as what your plans are for the rest of the day (bonus she has a cat that you look after when she is away). Finally, she doesn't often go on dates with you, but when she does she spends SOOOOO much money, why? because she wants to go to the fun fair, especially winter wonderland, which is her favourite! she loves the warm coco, the smell of cinnamon and most importantly looking into your eyes, if you two ever got married, she would definitely propose to you here.

BONUS: she listens to Airplane mode when she's thinking of you.

[barblaz-arts]

Real real real random ask.. Buuutttt- what's your favorite song? Mine's either this or this, and not even because I'm into the dsmp, I just like cg5 lol. So yeah! Just was curious ig, also thought I should mention that you actually got me (back) into (obsessed with) the Crane Wives! I used to listen to them a little while back and got back into them again when I watched the Chaggie animatic with Curses for the song. That's all, have a good day!

Oh that is a very dangerous question. I LOVE talking about/recommending songs I like. I cant just choose one tho, especially when there are artists who have so many songs I love and there are many genres I adore, so sorry for the long ish list

With The Crane Wives my favorite changes from time to time. I remember when I was ill and basically bedridden for two months, I'd spend hours just listening to all of their songs. Rn my favorite is I Aint Done. Apparently it's supposed to be based on some urban legend? I like to think of it as some tragic sapphic story

Marianas Trench is another one of my favorite bands. If you were a teen like me who loved watching AMV's in the 2000's to 2010's, their songs are often used for ships lol. (i get the feeling you might be a bit on the young side tho, so sorry for talking about some oldies here) Hard to pick a favorite too, but maybe this one since it's the first one of theirs I heard

I havent ventured too deeply in rap heavy songs, but this is one I like a LOT. The pre-chorus and chorus are such killers too and a lot of fun to sing lol

Jordan Fisher is such an underrated gem. Their songs take me back to the classic RnB from the 2000's. And watching them perform is kinda captivating.

People who have followed me for a while now know that I also love kpop/Loona, so lemme plug in my girls real quick. This is my favorite from one of their subgroups

Kiss of Life is a newer group I've been getting into lately, and they're real dang talented. They kinda remind me of Little Mix, which I also really liked

If you're into anime, you've probably heard of yoasobi because they've had songs that feature in anime. It's really really hard to pick a favorite with them but the one they wrote for Beastars is the one I'm currently obsessed with

There are also a lot of good songs in my country I could talk days about, especially this one by Ben & Ben. The mv stars their bassist and keyboardist who are dating irl, which makes it even cuter

And then there are so many broadway songs i like.... oh my god so hard to choose........

Beetlejuice is my favorite musical, so I gotta choose one from it. The lyrics for the songs in this musical are so good, but especially with Dead Mom. The bridge where Lydia turns all soft because of how much she loved her mom gets me everytime. (fun fact for those who dont know, the voice actors for Pentious/Adam and Rosie were the OG actors for the title character and the step mom)

Lastly, I havent actually watched the Waitress yet(I'm talkin about bootlegs ofc) but the soundtrack's really good. The voice actor for Niffty was also there, so you might wanna check it out just to hear her sing, she's phenomenal. This song is undoubtedly the best of the bunch, and there's actually a version song by Lucifer's VA that is absolutely heart-breaking, but I'm putting the original version in the post for the intended message of the song because its important. Also this animatic is kinda insane. Jeremy Jordan's version of this song really is worth checking out too for sure

[kkurokitty]

so, i’m sure by now (since most, if not all, of you who follow both of my accounts follow @melobin as well) have seen the “drama” surrounding melody and another user. it just rubs me the wrong way so i have to point out a few things that don’t sit right with me. this is going to be a long one. sorry y’all.

what started this was @/riize119 making a “callout” post accusing melo of being ot6 and soft blocking/breaking their mutual because she posted about seunghan. this is not true. anyone who knows and follows melo knows this; she still posts about seunghan and she has never spoken ill of him. ever.

melo reached out to her as soon as she was made aware of the post via dms, (pictured below) but when she realized she was being avoided, she tried to state her stance in the replies of the original post. all of which were suspiciously removed. an anon pointed this out (also pictured below) and she claimed that melo was blocked, which is why the replies were hidden. but if that were true, how could she have messaged her privately or reblogged the post in response?

as you can see above, she has emphasized that she has melody blocked twice now. was this before or after she started getting push back for her post accusing her of something she’s very clearly not?

and below, she accuses melo of sending her hate asks. something that melo hasn’t done and wouldn’t do. melo tried to handle this with you privately, you brought the issue public and ignored her attempts at speaking to you, and she posted publicly just like you did. i find it extremely unfair of you to pin the negative reception against her and not let her defend herself. rather immature, no?

as for 01zfan, you also accused her of being ot6 and hating seunghan. which, again, is false. as you can see here, she actually has a post detailing why she doesn’t write for seunghan. and, shocker, none of it indicates that she hates seunghan. i’ve included a screenshot of that post as well.

her post very clearly stated that she got into riize and then his hiatus began, she supports him and would support his return in riize if sm goes that direction, but she just can’t see herself writing for him when his future in the group is so uncertain. which is valid.

another problem i can’t seem to get to make sense is the fact that a) you either have been sitting on that screenshot for months to try to have some sort of gotcha moment or b) you stalked melody’s blog trying to find something. that ask was answered all the way back in march, and quite frankly? she said nothing wrong. it’s sad that seunghan has been blocked from so many releases since november, but we’re always holding out hope that sm gets their shit together the next time. if you see that as her not wanting to talk about him, that’s your perception. but as someone who has had many, many, many private conversations about seunghan and our hope for his return, i can assure you that’s not the case.

i just find this whole situation so weird and i’m trying to understand the motive behind a post like this and ignoring every attempt to talk to you as an adult.

[the-bonfires-ember]

ok so this has a lot of facets so bear with me. standard disclaimer that this is all based on my personal experiences as a narcissistic sociopath; im not a professional and i dont speak for everyone.

anyway.

firstly, yes we do. i think prosocials/egotypicals do it too to an extent but for different reasons and in different ways.

from an aspd perspective, i get annoyed at people and it is no longer to my benefit to stick around them, ill just disappear in a classic ghosting style. frankly i never get to this point anymore because ive managed to surround myself with people i very rarely if ever find annoying. in the past, when ive befriended people and then theyve frustrated me or ive just generally found them annoying for some reason, ive either slowly extricated myself if i could keep getting stuff out of the person or just totally destroyed the relationship so that they stopped reaching out and i could stop expending energy into dodging them. in my head if someone has pissed me off, it means that its going to keep happening and theyve just finally shown me their true colours so i might as well get out now or detach myself so im not going to emotionally invested enough to get annoyed again in the future. essentially this means i stop caring about them at all. as for how fear factors in; it goes a pretty long way back into people being fundamentally untrustworthy and only beneficial in as much as i can get from them. if im putting up with more than im getting out of it, id just walk away because everyone is out for themselves and of course that applies to me too. thats the way ive been taught the world works, and if im not getting any emotional backlash for doing that, why wouldnt i? it just makes sense. im fundamentally out for myself because no one else has been there to help when i needed them in the past.

from an npd perspective, if someones annoying me its likely because i am thinking of myself as being vastly superior to them and find the annoying quirks of them to be proof of their inferiority. the fact that theyve disagreed with me or fought me on something means they dont have the degree of respect and admiration for me that they should. this usually leads to me discarding them out of frustration and ill push them away by just showing less and less interest in them, or the ways i would that i mentioned above. the fear here, as you may be able to guess, is being wrong and being weaker/worse/unworthy. for me, being right and being more esteemed than my peers was a matter of survival in my childhood, and now if someone is starting to chip into the veneer or perfection ive built and maintained they have become a threat and i have to separate before they see too much and i lose everything.

now i dont know why you - orginal messager - asked this question, or why anyone else might be looking for this informatio. i can come up with a few guesses though, so im gonna add a couple things that applies to prosocials and other things that apply to antisocials and narcissists. but ill tuck that away so you can ignore my advice if you want to and just take the analysis.

prosocials - if you have a friend with either of these personality disorders and they are beginning to withdraw theres a choice before you. firstly, you can let them. you can recognise that this person doesnt want to associate with you anymore for whatever reason and allow yourself to be at peace with that. im sure it hurts, especially after what ive said about my reasons for doing this, but if you think you are better off just letting this one go, i support that and encourage you to just slip away with a clean break.

the other option you have, if you want to try your best to keep that person with you, is to address it plain as day. its uncomfortable, yes, but try not to be confrontational. a simple 'hey, ive noticed you distancing yourself and withdrawing and i wanted to check in and find out why and whether or not we can resolve this'. perhaps its cold of me to ask this of you, im not entirely certain one way or the other. but you deserve to try and make it work if thats what you want, and the only way that happens is by addressing the problems and really, truly understanding that the behaviours we exhibit come from a place of fear and the memory of pain. they are trauma disorders. and while trauma does not excuse harmful behaviours it does no one any favours to ignore that its the root of the problem. maybe your friend will brush you off, thats true. they might not be ready to look deeper and thats their right. at which point youve done all you can and now you need to prioritise yourself. but maybe youll make your friend reevaluate, maybe they want to heal. and you can be such a huge part of that by just asking the questions and really listening to the response. its hard work, i know, but i will always be so grateful for the people who made me stop and look at myself and really see.

the third choice is you pretend its not happening and just wait to see if they get past it and come back. they might, its not implausible, but to me this feels like inviting yourself to be treated poorly again later when symptoms flare again and those fears react to something you dont understand or know about.

pwASPD and/or NPD - im not going to try and tell you that you owe it to the people around you to recover. im never saying that. recovery is your decision and it should only be for you. i chose recovery because i wanted to see what i wasnt able to before, and it has been so fucking hard. but id do it again in a heartbeat. its important to note though that i got lucky. really really fucking lucky, and id be doing you a disservice if i pretended otherwise. on that note, here is my advice for those who want to get better and those who dont:

if you dont, if you dont want to see the fear that is reacting to the perceived threat, if its still too painful to look at, just dont. let yourself be blind to it and find comfort in the ways you can. its not cowardly, and its not pathetic. sometimes forcing yourself to stare into a fire is more damaging than its worth, and you are the only one who can decide if it is or not. only you know how close to that fire you are. perhaps its better to distance yourself from this person even if its just for now, or perhaps its better to leave entirely. it depends on how uncomfortable you feel. but i suggest figuring it out quickly and saving yourself the trouble that will come if you string someone along for too long. its always blown up in my face eventually, for what my experience is worth, so deciding on your next move sooner than later saves you a lot of trouble. but perhaps the perks are better than the blow up later on. who am i to say.

if you do want to recover though, firstly, give yourself some credit. the way you are reacting is because this has kept you alive and safe this long, dont let yourself forget that. you arent ridiculous or pathetic or cowardly or whatever else your brain might be saying you are. you are alive, and you are deciding to grow past your trauma and the responses youve learnt to cope with it and thats fucking huge. dont forget it. now the first thing you want to do is really look at what is making you uncomfortable. something is, but itll take some digging. these survival methods run deep, and tracing back to the root of the issue will take time and a lot of work and so much fucking courage. its not easy, im not going to lie, but you can do it. you are worth the time and the work it takes to get the things you want for yourself. find out whats messing with you and see how you can resolve it, either by discussing it with your friend and letting them support you or just rationalising it with yourself. understand that you are able to keep yourself safe, you just have to figure out what you are afraid of being vulnerable to. youre going to be ok, and for the record, im really proud of you.

obviously to everyone: do whatever the fuck you want to forever. im not here to tell you to change your entire life just because i say you should, even im not that egotistical. im just offering my experiences and observations, its up to you what you do with them.

[haridraws]

sorry to bother you, i saw your 2022 hourly comic post today and i first want to say thank you because it’s really my exact situation in so many ways, right down to being apart from my partner (haven’t gotten to see her since the start of the pandemic since we’re both disabled and public transport is a covid nightmare but we’re on the council housing waitlist so hopefully eventually!) and it means a lot to not feel alone in that. i wanted to ask about the mobility chair that helps you sit up if that’s okay? i have a simple bed setup but being able to sit in the living room with the sun and a view is nice, but i can’t sit up unsupported for long and i can’t really like Do Anything and also sit upright bc the sitting up is all my energy, so a chair like that might be something to save for if you could maybe tell me about it! also does it have support for the neck/head? i think my spine is getting compressed from not being able to sit up for so long lol but i might be able to find cushions for that so that’s less essential!

anyway, sorry to ramble on! no pressure if you can’t manage a reply, the fact that i know about such chairs now is helpful so thank you either way!! and probably very belated but i was scrolling your blog and happy to see you have a place with your partner, so congrats! take care and all the best to you both!

thank you for this message, v sorry you're in the same boat as I was. Answering properly and publicly in case this is useful for anyone else:

Stuff I personally use to make being bedbound more comfortable

obligatory disclaimer I am not a doctor, stretching or moving your body a little (see 18) if or when you can is probably good, etc.

1. SPECIAL FURNITURE The chair I have NOW is a "riser recliner" and I usually add a small pillow for lower back (and sometimes head) support. Like adjustable beds, they're whole furniture with powerful (HEAVY) motors built in, so they're expensive. They're usually cheaper:

if you don't need to be tipped out (just power recliners, though they might recline less or provide less support)

from regular shops, not mobility ones.

If you're able, you can go into a store and try one out first (personally being taken in a wheelchair was worth the strain, because it was weirdly hard to predict what back shape would be comfy).

if you're in the UK and you're 'chronically sick or disabled' you can get them VAT-free to make them 20% cheaper - mobility stores will have a form, others you might have to ask / check the shop does it

(I got one I could lie flat in, that came with a free setup service in the 'room of my choice'.)

It still took me 8 years of illness mostly stuck in bed to get both chair and bed because of (a) the price (b) not being sure I was sick enough to "deserve" it, same with my wheelchair. THIS WAS A FOOLISH WAY OF THINKING. There's no threshold required to get devices that will make your life easier / less agonising. Mobility aids are for anyone who'll be helped by them.

2. ADJUST EXISTING FURNITURE WITH WEIRD PILLOWS Special furniture will obviously not be possible for everyone, and before I got the chair, I just used a combo of regular pillows and a triangle wedge pillow in bed (though it took trying 2 different wedges to find one that was a good shape for me.)

Last year someone ( @dont-break-hearts I think? THANK YOU) recommended me this shape cushion - some start at £15 on that site. That's now what I use to sit on a regular sofa, though I also always need my legs up at the same height (tall footstool now, but a sideways dining chair works ok) so it's closer to lying down.

These aren't 100% ideal - ymmv, I still need extra cushions and any position gets stiff after a while - but for me are WAY BETTER than just layering pillows or forcing myself to sit up.

[burst-of-iridescent]

Oh, thank you, my day is good, but after your message it got even better! I really found solace on Tumblr, which I could not find either in these terrible comics or in LOTR. To be honest, I hardly mastered the latter at all, literally forcing myself to watch series after series, searching in vain for the former depth of characters and conflict. In my opinion, LOTR is a complete failure on all fronts, with the exception of high-quality drawing. If it's about comics, it's an illogical development of events, which, unfortunately, is laid down in the last series. I wanted to ask you -how do you feel about Ursa's line? I was offended by her decision to leave the children (of course, it happened against her will, but still -to change her face and personality, forget about her beloved son and lead a happy life with an old lover?! Don't get it wrong, a woman should suffer for the rest of her days because of a failed marriage, she should not give up happiness if fate sends. But in the context of this story, in your opinion, does it not look like a betrayal, first of all of herself (Ursa?), and of course her children. She couldn't help but understand what kind of hell they got into, first of all the son, after her disappearance. And if you also disagree with this "canon", what would you see the fate of Zuko and Azula's mother? (sorry for such a long letter!)

hi again! thank you, you're so sweet!

i 100% feel you on both LOK (i'm guessing LOTR is a typo?) and the comics. it's so disappointing because both the show and the comics have some great conceptual ideas, and in the hands of competent writers, could've been excellent continuations of ATLA and worthwhile successors... but instead we got a flaming pile of garbage that deserves to be at the bottom of the sea.

the search isn't the worst atla comic imo (that honour goes to the promise) but it's definitely doing its damn best to earn that spot. i hate so many things about that comic: the outdated, insulting depictions of mental illness and mental healthcare in azula's story, zuko getting a "replacement sister" in kiyi as a fix-it bandaid, the fact that it becomes a whole gaang adventure when the correct narrative choice would've been for zuko and katara (and maybe azula at most) to take this trip together as a full circle from the southern raiders, katara and sokka's only role in the story being to foil zuko and azula and nothing else, and of course... the complete annihilation of everything ursa's character was set up to be in atla.

i agree with you that it is very much a betrayal of ursa's character for her to willingly lose her memories. she knows she's leaving her children in the hands of a dangerous abuser, one who's already molding her daughter into a lethal weapon and was fully ready to murder her son, who has proven his willingness to sacrifice his children without hesitation if it benefits him. but despite this, despite the fact that she committed murder, accepted exile and even risked her life (for she had no way of knowing if ozai would simply let her leave peacefully) to protect her child... suddenly she's willing to throw all of that away and fuck off with her childhood lover at the first opportunity?

it baffles me why bryke didn't at least make ursa's memory loss an accident, which would've both explained her absence and why she never went to look for her children without committing character assassination in the process - but that's probably expecting too much logical writing from those two.

i'm actually planning a post-canon book 4 zutara fic that would include a rewrite of the search, where ursa didn't just fuck off to do nothing, but actually had a redemption arc very similar to zuko's after secretly fleeing to live in the earth kingdom and seeing the damage the war had done. she takes it upon herself to right the fire nation's wrongs, and grows particularly invested in air nomad culture, seeing it as her duty to try and bring back some of what the genocide had destroyed. shortly before zuko's banishment she sets out to find the remnants of a people long believed to be gone - and finds that maybe they're not entirely gone after all.

i won't spoil the rest, but i think it'll both explain why ursa never went back for zuko and azula while still giving her a meaningful story that didn't involve just swapping one family for another. if only we'd gotten something similar in the comics but alas... bryke gonna bryke.

thanks for the ask! no worries about it being long, i thoroughly enjoy reading your thoughts <3

[fuckhouse2theelectricboogaloo]

Rolls up sleeves. Alr then.

I was debating on and off for the longest time of just sending Shep an ask and calling them out to their fucking face for being a piece of shit liar, but now that they blocked me AND are threatening to curse people? Alright.

Congradulations Shep, if the grooming and pedophilia didn't do it, this threat sure as fuck did, you are now just as bad as Loke if not worse { because as half-assed as the apologies were, she at least started to try until she fucked off again }. You know. the person who actually HATED you and I fucking stuck up for you and told you the truth regarding her so you didn't have the fucking lie of " everything was fine " between you and her. And I know you're going to read this so sit the fuck down and get your head out of your ass for about five minutes.

See, I knew about the shit with Soy and ACTIVELY TOLD YOU that you shouldn't have been around minors in the first place. And you wanna know why other than the fact of my own personal rules? It's because you don't have a fucking filter. So you shouldn't have been around Soy in the first place.

Granted, I didn't know depth other than " I'm upset because this minor got me kicked out of my group! " { Glad to see that wasn't the fucking truth } and that they made a post because you complained about it talking about you but like? No names were dropped in public, maybe the post wasn't a good idea and they should've kept it in private ?? Who knows. But hey reminder; THEY WERE AND STILL ARE A FUCKING MINOR.

I would've thought you'd at least have enough of a braincell to know that sometimes younger people don't know any better or they act a little more quickly rather than thinking it over at first because that's how it goes.

I also knew you didn't have a filter because whenever we were in call you fucking dropped all your goddamn trauma on those who were IN call, talked over people, and made the rest of us go silent because it was GENUINELY UNCOMFORTABLE, and when confronted about it you threw a fucking tantrum about how everyone hated you and either went quiet or left the group. Pretty sure one of the times it was the latter.

I tried to be fucking patient with you, Shep. Because guess what !! I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed or wonder if people hate you because SURPRISE, like I told you I have SOCIAL ANXIETY and CONSTANTLY worry about how people perceive me. So the fact I needed to occasionally reassure you? Okay. I can do that. No big deal.

And if ANYTHING, you're the one who DROPPED ME FIRST by falling off the face of the planet. I had to message YOU first ON THE 18TH OF DECEMBER after MONTHS of you going quiet. Which hmmm. The last message before the 18th was you asking for reassurance ??

Interesting.

You KNEW we were good, you got ACTUAL CONFIRMATION saying we're good. Yet you claimed otherwise to someone else. Fuck you actually.

I am LIVID you name-dropped me, livid you went around spreading LIES when you actually knew the truth regarding Goopy and their muse, livid that you fucking GROOMED A MINOR AND MADE SEXUAL REMARKS TOWARDS THEM, livid at how DISGUSTING of a person you are.

I wish I never met you honestly.

But you know what, actually, I am glad I met you now that I think about it. Because running CrystallineBulwark gave Soy someone to share an experience regarding you, and you being stupid enough to post that fucking doc of you ganging up and bullying a minor, gave us the ability to find out there was a victim of actual grooming and sexual harassment from you.

I'm GLAD we're giving that victim a voice.

I hope someone puts your ass in jail. I hope your V-tuber career fails. And I hope all your current ' friends and wife/gf ' learn about how fucking disgusting you are.

I don't wish ill on people, but I think you need to be fucking locked up somewhere.

Also fuck you for fetishizing trans people you disgusting piece of shit. But that's another beast on it's own.

Enjoy having curses bounce back on you tenfold dumbass.

Sorry this got so long but I've been stewing in this for awhile now.

Posting as is 👍

[itsdark0ut]

NO ONE SLEEPS AT NIGHT

Ranchers POV #1 - In the throat of a cave

— Tango. — he repeated, trying to remember the given name, although it sounded catchy. — It's also nice to meet you...

He didn't finish because he made a sudden squeaky sound similar to one he made when he bumped into Tango, but this time it was much less painful to the other man's ears.

Touching the demon's hand didn't burn, but the temperature difference between their skins was enough to send a message to the avian's brain, "BURN!!! PULL YOUR HAND BACK!!!. Less than half a second passed, and he held Tango's hand in disbelief, still extended. — You're warm! — he raised his voice slightly and held him like that for a moment, until it occurred that he might be getting too familiar with someone he just met. He coughed again and took his hands away, embarrassed, pretending to adjust his golf and scarf. Tango on the other hand couldn't stop the blush that blossomed on his face in response to Jimmy's reaction. Not knowing what to do, he let go when the latter moved away. His hair brushed against the fire he generated automatically and couldn't stop.

— Nothing happened — he finally said and laughed awkwardly. He had to admit that he missed normal contact with another person quite a lot. His previous companions didn't get close to him, and he didn't get close to them either, as that was the rule when they accepted him among them. So it wasn't surprising that the first contact since The Sunset evoked such emotions in him. However, it didn't change the fact that it was embarrassing, and the flickering of his hair and the fire from the wood certainly made his face turn red, so to save himself from further embarrassment, he hid it in his hands.

— I'm sorry, I should have warned you. It must have been very bizarre for you.

Even if it was super awkward now, Jimmy preferred this atmosphere to the stress and fear that had followed him for the past few hours.

— Aghah, I'm fine, just... Surprised.

He began to wonder how Tango worked and whether it was an illusion or if, since Tango produced fire, he could really harm someone... Not that he was afraid. It was purely out of curiosity.

— Can I ask you how you... — he paused for a moment to think about how to phrase the question. — How do you produce fire and do you control it in a way that you know when you're burning someone? Or yourself? Does it not hurt you? — he scraped the floor slightly with his claws, pushing aside the wet and matted leaves to make a clean spot and sat down. Squatting had tired him a bit.

Tango sighed softly and wiped his face with his hands before letting go, so he could look at the other again. He made a 'hm' sound as a sign that he heard the other's question but preferred to take a moment to think about the answer since he had only just met the avian a few moments ago. Thanks to that, he also calmed down a bit, so the flames subsided a little, and his face lightened.

— Bold question, hm. I see that you don't beat around the bush.

 And indeed, Jimmy felt embarrassed again. What a shame... This is what you get for genuine curiosity and excessive directness.

— Ah, I apologise for that. I didn't think it might be inappropriate. — he sat down in the spot he had cleared and now covered his cheek with his hand, wanting to cover it and at the same time check if he was actually warm from blushing. The smile and the fire seemed to amplify the feeling of warmth.

Tango smiled, baring his fangs mischievously, knowing that the other person probably didn't think through their question and would likely be embarrassed. He laughed and waved his hand, realising that he could have answered him since the other person didn't seem to have any ill intentions.

— Let me try to explain... I won't tell you exactly how I create fire because it's kind of intimate information, and I can't say that I know you well enough to share it. However... — he drew out the letter 'e’ longer than necessary. — I can explain how it works in general because it seems like you don't have anyone to pass this information onto anyway.

He shrugged and extended his hand to showcase his control over fire to Jimmy. A moment later, delicate flames began to dance on his hand, which made him smile slightly as it was a pleasant sensation.

— My fire is a part of me so it can't burn me and I can control it easily. Of course, I'm fully capable of burning others, but that depends on my intentions towards the other person because, as I said, fire is a part of me. So as long as I don't want to harm someone, I won't. I can show you…

He lowered his voice, extending his ignited hand towards Jimmy, this time knowing exactly what he was doing, unlike the first time when they “shook” hands.

— No worries, bud. I don't intend to hurt you, so my fire won't either. — he added, sending Jimmy a smile to encourage him.

His attention was quickly diverted by a very vibrant but beautiful fire show in his opinion. And it wasn't artificial at all. On the contrary, it was somewhat alive in a sense. Jimmy's pupils dilated as he tried to remember as much as possible of the sight. He memorised the colours of the flames one by one, the shape of Tango's hand standing out among them, his face, and his blissful smile.

— Are you sure? — he hesitated for a moment, looking again at the other person's hand. Come on, he was supposed to put his hand in the fire. It all seemed so normal to him, and yet his subconscious told him he’d gone nuts. However, Tango's reassurances and his smile worked as effectively as a lamp's brightness on a moth.

So he went for it.

He extended his slender hand, not typical for a grown-up man, and initially just touched Tango's palm with his index finger. He felt a bit childish doing it, so not knowing what to do next, he simply placed his entire hand on Tango's. It was larger than his. Shortly after, it got surrounded by flames too. It didn't hurt but was pleasantly warm. Jimmy made a quiet sound of approval.

— Wow…

Tango smiled and allowed the other to enjoy the silence and the pleasant feeling for a while, realising that the warmth his fire provided was quite an uncommon phenomenon in current times. As he started speaking again, he didn't take his hand away from Jimmy, giving him some sort of control over the situation, as it didn't matter to him whether the other held his hand or not. He left it up to Jimmy to decide.

Jimmy allowed himself to hold Tango's hand and enjoy the warmth until Tango would "shoo" him away... So it seemed they would hold on like this for a while. Maybe it was for the best? It was said that at least six seconds of physical contact with another person were needed to maintain a healthy mind. In times of crisis, six seconds could save them from losing their heads or fingers to frostbite.

"I need to quickly find myself some new gloves..." he thought before he started listening to the stories about how his companion functioned on a daily basis.

Despite the poor light source, Tango could clearly see Jimmy thanks to his much sharper senses compared to a regular human. The first thing that caught his eye was the fact that the other was a canary, or rather, a canary hybrid, indicated by his wings and plumage. He wasn't someone who believed in silly superstitions and curses associated with someone's origins because he himself was a demon and differed greatly from the stereotypical monster they made of his race. What intrigued him more was the fact that Jimmy clearly didn't have enough layers of clothing for the current conditions, which also made him think about Jimmy's former companions. Looking at him, he got the impression that he wasn't treated well by them, but well, they probably wouldn't meet them again, so he simply pushed away those thoughts. He himself didn't really need that many layers, but he felt much better having some kind of barrier between his skin and the surrounding cold.

However, despite that, he couldn't stand the sight of the other person's blue fingers (at least on the hand that wasn't being warmed by him). Not being particularly emotionally attached to his own gloves, he took his hand back from Jim's hand to remove them. Then he took the other's hand and put his glove on it, then did the same with the other hand. While he could have simply given the gloves to the other person, considering that Jimmy had willingly given him the bag that he had been attacked with when they bumped into each other, he felt that it would take some convincing for the other to accept them. Well, you could say Tango was (literally) hot-headed and didn't like it when things didn't go his way, so he sometimes used tactics that were quite shameless.

The Canary's thin clothing and overall lack of preparation were due to one simple thing – he didn't have the opportunity to dress up in more layers or pack his stuff. In his base, even if there wasn't always electricity, there was constantly a fire burning in several hearths. Jimmy was mostly responsible for tending and maintaining the fire. Such an amount of light was bound to attract trouble eventually.

He was just about to go out for firewood, which was the only reason he was wearing something other than a sweater. And even then, he didn't have much on, as Tango rightly observed and as Jimmy felt on his skin.

— Sure... If you want, you can ask me something too. I don't really know what interesting things I can tell you, except that, well, due to my poor eyesight, I'm a non-flyer these days.Or should I say nights? You know… It's a bit difficult to manoeuvre between trees when you can't see them. —  he laughed, but after a while, he stopped abruptly, feeling his hands being slipped into something soft. Immediately, he felt warmer not only in his hands but also in his face.— Thank you… — he coughed softly and withdrew his hands. — If- Uh, if you need them back, just let me know.

Jimmy was too moved by the gesture to refuse the other. It worked just as Tango intended.

— No, no, you can keep them. You'll need them more than me anyway. — the demon shrugged and reached for the second backpack and started to search it through. — I think I saw a scarf here, but I'm not sure. Hm.

Without further ado, he started rummaging through the unfortunate bag again. After a moment, he let out a not-so-loud "Aha!" and emerged with his hand, holding a quite sizable and warm scarf. He examined it for a moment, considering its condition acceptable, and handed it to the other to put on.

— I have a feeling we're stuck with each other, so here you go, as I said, it won't be of any use to me, and the person it belonged to is no longer among the living.

He waited for the other to take the scarf, not rushing him this time, as it wasn't as urgent as the gloves. Nonetheless, he felt better knowing Jimmy would have some extra protection around his slender neck, in addition to the turtleneck. In the process, he also stretched his hands a bit, which hadn't been exposed to the air for some time. Actually, it might be better that he got rid of the gloves since he didn't really need them at the moment, but the paranoia that something might happen to his abilities prevented him from taking them off earlier. Good for them both.

- - -

Meow.

It's later than I said but yeah [runs away]

[heartless-curr]

Hey….Feel free to ignore the icon request we sent in earlier btw ,Up to u atp if u wanna do them

there's a lot to say here so i'm going to put most of what i have to say under a cut. this is me kinda trying to clear the air in a way. to reinstate this isn't a friendship ending message unless you decide to stop talking to us. this is really long i'm so sorry i'm just very hyperverbal and want to make sure there is no room for misinterpretation here!! i'm making this public so that other server members can see my clarification on the situation, because your suibait was public, and because you sent me this in an ask format rather than a dm.

hi az!! it's aki. i'm going to try to take over this situation for the rest of the system, and to try to kind of explain things from our point of view to try and get this all sorted out — because we are willing to get this situation sorted out.

but before i do that, i do have to gently ask that before you respond to this ask, you should step back and take a breather. go on a walk. drink some water. take care of yourselves, you know? discussions like this aren't going to be solved if you're driven solely by emotions. that all being said because intentionally or not, this ask is very guilt trippy. you may not have intended it as such, but the phrasing of this ask, followed by the fact that you sent this in after you essentially suibaited us on your blog, isn't an appropriate reaction. it shuts down the conversation.

yes, we did see the vent on your blog, where you did subtly suicide bait us. if we can agree that richie suicide baiting a 17 year old on the internet is bad, it's also bad when you do it. bad things aren't bad solely when done by people we dislike, or people who we think are bad. regardless of your intentions, we, as a minor, did see the ask where someone who is bodily an adult threatened to kill themselves over *us* being upset, and we felt the consequences of that. i need you to do better. i need you to alologize. but that apology can't have self depreciating statements. just a simple "i'm sorry for guilt tripping and suicide baiting you, i will not do it again. it is wrong of me to do" is good. nothing about how you feel horrible. an apology, an acknowledge of what you did wrong, and a promise not to do it again.

though, i'm not going to act like our now deleted post was fair either. if you saw that, we project a lot of our insecurities and feelings of the friendgroup disliking us (which the current hosts assumed was the reasoning behind why they got the backlash they did). that wasn't fair, and ultimately irrelevant to the situation.

i want to take the time to clarify what makoto said again, because, as makoto himself stated, his intentions weren't to call you or anyone else in the server transmisogynists. we ourselves personally excused the misogyny we had faced by said member of the blog until we realized that this was a person who we have personally disliked for. a long time because of the controvery on their other blog. at which point we stopped excusing the transphobia because we had a reason to dislike the bigot. we hated the transphobe more than we loved the trans woman. makoto recognized that based on how oddly the server reacted considering how often we criticize richie for the exact subject, it might be a similar case for the server. makoto didn't mean, and still doesn't mean, any ill will by it. he has this mindset of "i want to improve myself and become a better person, and no offense to my friends but i'm going to make them improve as well regardless of if they want to or not". plus, makoto is transfemme, so this is a topic he feels strongly about.

he wanted to encourage introspection like what we went though, rather than ask for a behavior change, though i'm not sure how well that point got across. he discussed the situation with pallas beforehand, and pallas agreed that it did seem unintentionally transmisogynistic, and proof read the message makoto sent before he sent it to ensure that it was calm and straightforward. makoto wasn't attempting to attack you or anyone else in the server.

our system truthfully isn't that upset over what we initially brought up. we allowed makoto to send that message because we figured that since i personally have called the friend group out for unintentional bigotry before, people would be understanding. we wanted to encourage self improvement, because we figured that if we just sat on it it would build up resentment, or, down the line, someone would go "uh well why didn't you speak up???????", we've been trying to stick more and more to our moral code, and part of that is pointing out whenever we see something that doesn't feel right in both ourselves and others. if that conversation made you feel uncomfortable, that's good. it means that it was something you needed to hear.

however, we are upset about the response that we got. that amount of defensiveness is not good. if you're getting called out for unintentional bigotry and your response is to defend yourself, you need to work on letting that defensiveness down and listening to what is being said.

to be blunt: we are upset about the strawmanning. makoto wasn't telling you to respond to the transmisogyny. makoto wasn't calling everyone out for ignoring the messages. makoto was calling people out for caring about transmisogyny because they hate the transphobe rather than caring about transmisogyny because they care about trans women and think transmisogyny is bad. we don't like people twisting our argument to be something we explicitly stated that it wasn't. this wasn't a cry for attention. whilst the way makoto went about it was debatable, he was ***very*** clear about the fact that it wasn't the lack of response. because you ***did*** respond. arguing with makoto on a point that he didn't make isn't truthful. it's what i'd call a bad faith argument.

all we honestly needed to hear was a "thank you for pointing this out!". we didn't even need an apology. just an acknowledgement that you care about transmisogyny and will be more careful to make sure that transmisogyny isn't only bad when people you dislike do it. though, i don't think we got this point across well enough — and for that, i'm sorry. i don't like the way you and everyone else in that conversation responded to us, but we should have been more clear as well, and for that i'm sorry.

this isn't a friendship ending message, to be clear. we don't want to stop being your friend. even if the topic that was being argued about was serious, i don't think the actual confrontation itself wasn't bad enough to be a frienship ender as long as proper apologies are given, and more people than just the two of us were involved, however, the suicide baiting and guilt tripping is not good. at all. you need to fix that. we're going to work on ourselves as well, to try to become a better person, and we're going to try to become better at conflicts, so we ask that perhaps both of us going forward try to work on our conflict resolution skills. suicide baiting and guilt tripping isn't the proper response, however, we to some degree guilt tripped as well when we made that initial now deleted tumblr post in regards to the situation.

conflicts are a normal part of relationships, and i think as long as both sides can learn not to be defensive enough and listen, most conflicts can be dealt with.

sorry for just. dropping this absolute essay on you i guess i wanted to make everything about the situation and where we stand very clear ???? we're not expecting any sort of response to this aside from an apology for the suicide baiting and guilt tripping. with the discord convo, all we want you to do is think about it. we don't want an apology. but we need an apology for the guilt tripping and suicide baiting. that's all! have a good day / evening /night ! :))

[allamericansbitch]

Okay so for some reason I frequently end up being like the go to emotional sounding board for my friends, which is odd because I'm autistic and frequently get called difficult and unemotional, but also that I'm very good at putting things into perspective. Sure, fine, whatever, I like being there for my friends, especially since we don't live near each other anymore. However. I've barely heard from either of them recently. They're both busy with life, I get that, but I'm kind of going through A Whole Situation with my family right now and all I get from either of them is silence, or "Sorry I can't relate :/ I don't know what to say :/ I'm super busy :/ but I'm here if you need to talk <3" then more silence. Like. Okay. I've never been in a relationship, so I can't relate to the frankly excessive amount of Boy Trouble one of them seems to be constantly going through (nothing serious she just keeps falling for guys she can't have and hates everyone who likes her/back), but I still talk through it with her, and I've never had a seriously ill parent, but I spent the better part of like a year and a half constantly trying to make the other friend feel better, distracting her when she needed distracting, reminding her it's not her fault, helping her sort out her many, many feelings again and again. But she's trying to focus on getting her life together, which of course I'm supportive of, but the fact that she literally told me that she doesn't have time to talk to me and can't think of anything to say whenever I express a negative feeling despite having leant on me so heavily before is a bit??? And now she's in therapy (which again, great, I'm very happy for her) so she still keeps messaging me and trying to get me to Engage with all these things she's realising, but I don't have the energy for it, especially since if I mention my family she's just like "that sucks sorry busy bye".

The boy crazy friend is doing a master's in another country and I don't hear from her unless there's another male-centric situation, which is weird because it's not something we talked about that much before. Also, I'm sorry Guilty as Sin is about what??? This is like the time we were looking at a sonnet in class and it took me forever to realise it was about sex. I was 22. I thought the persona just had insomnia.

these friends genuinely sound very selfish to me. i get being busy and but you’ve always made time for them, im sure even when you’re busy, but also if they have the time to text you ‘sorry can’t relate’ or ‘i’m busy’ they have the time to say more than that… i doubt they’re like on the run or something. even if you can’t relate, you can still listen and be, like you said, an emotional soundboard. even a simple ‘i’m so sorry this is happening to you and your family, it’s awful’ would go far at this point. like you don’t sound like you’re asking for advice, just some comfort and company and that’s what should come with friendship, you shouldn’t have to beg for it.

i’m not sure how to help, but i’m always a fan of honesty so i would simply text them and say something about feeling very under appreciated and ignored, say you’ve been there for them all the time and would like some of that energy given back to you. but i understand being afraid of confrontation so it’s up to you.

[positivityforlesbians]

I think I'm a lesbian but I'm dealing with both internalized homophobia and misogyny. I keep making excuses like "everyone feels sexually attracted by their same-sex bestie when they're 14" "feminism has brainwashed you to the point you don't even see men as people anymore but you can actually be attracted to them (and you're supposed to) if you try hard enough or if you wait for the right one". It's like I've accepted I am a lesbian but I'm constantly thinking that it is a phase or that it isn't natural, I wasn't born this way this is simply a result of some environmentally determined product that affected me somewhere in my psysexual development (and thus it is a problem that needs to fixed). To clear my doubts, I have Googled "is homosexuality culturally/ environmentally determined?" But thanks to liberal feminism and queer studies everything is all over the place and they don't even describe homosexuality as same-sex attraction but same-gender attraction (which is in itself so inconsistent it doesn't even make sense), and they're like "uMHH actually, homosexuality IS culturally dependant and also even if you've never been attracted to the female sex you can still be a lesbian because anyone can be a lesbian now" like how does this help anyone?? I am legitimately suffering and these idiots treat it like it is some sort of joke with no real life consequences. And I don't know what to believe anymore, how can I believe that I'm not broken or mentally deviated if all I hear equally from conservative and liberal spaces is that homosexuality is mentally deviant and an illness and a changeable fact that I just need to work on? I feel so dirty and ashamed and I hate this and I don't know what to do or how to deal with this.

Sorry this is rambly I have no place to talk about this and even talking about it scares me I don't want to live like this i just wish I were straight.

This was so far away in my unanswered asks, if you read this I'm sorry anon. Equally because of the homophobia you describe here and because it's been several months since you took the time to write this and I didn't have the time myself to answer it then forgot it.

Second-guessing ourselves times and times again is definitely exhausting but very common in a society that is still so heteronormative, especially when you're young. You're aware of your own internalised homophobia, of the fact that you're not accepting your sexual orientation right now, that already is a step in the right direction. To continue though you have to listen to those who won't make you feel like a mistake, who won't make you feel like this was all a choice of yours either, and I know this is easier said than done as these people are so numerous now but please protect yourself, your own sanity. I'm available to talk in direct messages if you're dealing with internalized lesbophobia and need a good system of lesbians (online) to make you feel at home with who you are, finally. You didn't become a lesbian and in the same logic you cannot "go back" or be straight, none of your attempts would be successful and any lesbian who tried it out of despair can tell you that. You're not dirty, you're normal and worthy of love anon. Take that anger you have against yourself and turn it completely against homophobes, for they are the ones who created that confusion and chaos in you. Take care and don't forget that you're not alone. Reach out to your people. ❤️

[1tarot1with1k1o]

Hi, I respect your decision to only do celebrity readings on the people you know. I was wondering if that could possibly change in the future. It’s just I was really looking forward to the person I asked for and I was really excited when you came back to your blog and said that you’ll still be doing celebrity readings.

Hello love <3

First of all thank you for respecting my choice, and for deciding to reach out to me about this matter.

I don’t think I will reopen readings for all kinds of celebrities. Not anytime soon at least.

(Warning: very long and boring explanation of my reasons ahead haha)

It’s mostly because if I am familiar with a celebrity, or I feel close to them (as a fan I mean), I can be more certain about the messages I’m channeling, since I’m able to recognize their energy easily, and I already know a bit about them/their endeavors.

If I do readings on celebrities I don’t know at all, then I’m afraid that I would likely give out wrong information. (by saying this, I’m obviously not implying to take what I say in the other readings as an absolute fact. But I’m simply more likely to recognize what’s the right energy and which one isn’t, during a channeling for people I know).

Celebs have so many different energies connected to them because of their visibility, that to me it’s very hard to perceive their own if I don’t know them. It’s a bit like entering a room with a lot of people having a conversation, and needing to hear precisely what one person is saying. It’s easier if you know the person and their voice, but it would be much harder if you didn’t know exactly who you were looking for.

For the same reason why I don’t do readings on their private life, I have decided to not do readings about complete strangers who have a following. I’m sure you’re a responsible person, so you wouldn’t take what I say as the complete truth. But sadly there’s many people who either take readings too literally, or that have ill intentions. Something that a random person on the internet said (aka me) could turn into a rumor, or potentially ruin someone’s reputation. It may be an exaggeration, but seeing how things work online, I prefer to be extra careful (especially with these situations). I’ve seen stuff like this happen on kpop tarot a few times, so I prefer to not offer any ground for drama.

Also, if I’m familiar with someone’s energy, the reading flows more easily. If I’m not, then it feels like I’m constantly trying to break through a wall in order to talk to someone. So it’s also for the sake of using my energy in ways that aren’t detrimental to me.

Long story short, I’m very sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t think you will get a reading about that person anytime soon (or at least not from me). I wish you the best of luck and I hope you’ll find someone even better than me to do the reading for you <3

[mikelogan]

While I don’t agree with how your mom is treating you, you’re here complaining but didn’t do anything to try to help yourself? Hot bath or shower and pain medication can help a lot.

I've really struggled with whether or not to even answer/publish this ask because I don't owe some piece of shit hiding behind sunglasses a damn thing. I typically block and delete anon hate because, as a nearly thirty year old woman, I just don't care anymore. I used to fire back at anons like this constantly and allow the cycle of stupidity to continue.

On the other hand, this is my blog and if I want to fucking complain about my chronic pain/illnesses/back issues, I have every right to. I also have the right to tell you to go to hell. If popping a fucking Tylenol helped the pain I experience, don't you think I would have done so? Plus, your tone deaf unsolicited advice doesn't know that for my entire life, when I was experiencing pain, my mom's answer was always "TAKE SOME MEDICINE." Not a single moment of empathy or compassion. Just shut up and take a pill. And this was long before I ever even knew the host of illnesses I actually had.

As for your magic healing hot bath/shower: we don't have a tub and do you have any fucking idea how much energy a shower takes when you're chronically ill and have been at like an 8 on the pain scale all day? I'm not proud to admit this, but I haven't showered since my back went out and that's been like probably 5 days? I hate even typing that. It makes me feel disgusted with myself. But it's also REALITY. I've barely been eating because preparing a meal takes spoons that I don't fucking have right now. Just standing takes my breath away and my legs shake almost violently. And yes, we have a shower chair (because my dad has MS), so while that helps, the entire act of getting undressed, turning the shower on, either just sitting under the stream of water or having to hold the showerhead handle the whole time, then getting out, drying off, and getting dressed again takes everything out of me and then some. And that's on a good day. Now factor in back pain, severe brain fog, hands that constantly shake, painful neuropathy in my feet, and the fact that I've barely eaten and I just don't have the fucking energy.

Here's what I hope you take away from me actually wasting my fucking time replying to your bullshit message: nobody -- chronically ill or not -- who's venting on their own blog and not affecting you in the least wants your shitty, unsolicited advice. Anything you think you're doing by "helping" is nothing but shit I've heard my entire life, well-meaning or not. And since I'm already here, the next time you want to pull something like this, maybe try coming off less condescending, you fucking asshole.

[leikakakkari]

we could sit here and indirectly post about each other until the end of time, waiting to see if the other posted something and what it says, continuing to break each others hearts over and over. but my biggest regret in my life is not getting closure and letting things go unsaid. so.. even if you never read it, here goes nothing.

first, why didn’t you fight for me? i spent days waiting with baited breath, so sure that it wasn’t the end. i waited and i waited for so long. it breaks my heart to even think about how confident i was that you just needed some time.. only for it to be crickets. i can’t understand why there was no fight. if the roles were reversed, i would have fought for us until the end. i would have never let it end like this.

we have the same friends so naturally i hear things through the grapevine. we may not have been exclusive but ill never ever settle for someone calling us “casual”. it was never casual for me. i told you quite a few times that you were it for me. i don’t do the things i did with you for someone casual, and if you felt we were then you held the responsibility of setting those boundaries and informing me we were never a “thing”. i won’t go in specifics, it doesn’t benefit either of us for me to spell it out. it’ll only hurt you and piss me off, and all three of us have the messages available. but i need you to know that read every single message. he begged me to stop because it hurt me so badly but i needed to know. i needed to know when it started, i needed to know how long it lasted. i saw that a lot of them took place at the same time as ours. but the one that gets me the absolute most, to this day, is you telling him not once, but twice to be quiet about the two of you. it makes me so angry and bitter to think about you actively hiding it from me. it makes me feel so stupid for feeling like there was something going on, but reassuring myself that if there was you would say it.. makes me feel so stupid every time i let him talk to me about you and me just sucking it up. it made me feel utterly stupid when he held me while i cried that night as he apologized to me over and over. i feel so angry on his behalf, he deserved more than his feelings being chalked up to him being 19. i deserved more than your immediate defensiveness when i asked about you two. there’s a lot that happened that i don’t understand. is that the real reason why you got so mad that he came to michigan? did it even have anything to do with the fact that he got to see me before you did, or were you just scared i’d find out? i get so fucking mad when i think about all the times he flirted with you in front of me and i would get so upset at the time but kept it to myself. it makes sense now why you never told him to stop despite me telling him to stop. it makes me so angry to think about.

we were never exclusive, and i understand that. you didn’t cheat on me, even if it feels similar. but you did make me feel used, replaceable and the complete opposite of special. i felt like my love, attention, admiration, and affection that i gave to you so openly and fearlessly was used as a mere ego boost. i had no doubt that you did love me, but i can’t fathom how you can love someone yet know they’re hurting so badly and leaving the silence. you could have said anything and i would’ve accepted it and found a way to move forward together. i’m not naive enough to believe we would move forward in the same way, but we could’ve found a new normal, even if it hurt.

it’s humiliating but i so badly want you to come back. i miss my friend so much. how can i be willing to allow someone who hurt me so bad to come back? but you can’t. even if you did, i couldn’t do it. i would never be able to move past it. i would never not be scared that the betrayal or disappearing wouldn’t happen again. and, to be blunt, ill look like the biggest fool if i did. so many people that I love deeply got hurt in this process and i can’t let you back without disrespecting them. i was so open to everyone about how much love I had for you, and that feels disrespectful to my partner. they’re the best thing that ever happened to me and i will never do anything to jeopardize or upset them.

i don’t think you’re a bad person. i am angry, i feel betrayed, and i feel devastated that i lost someone i love so much but you’re not a bad person. every single person in this world makes mistakes and breaks hearts, but if you’re able to learn from the situation and guarantee it’ll never happen again? i can forgive that. we all fuck up, we all hurt people. it is what it is. i’m going to tell you what i wished someone told me when i hurt someone. it may sound harsh but you fucked up. you absolutely shattered my heart and destroyed the trust of quite a few people. if you’re not proud of these actions and feel regret, which according to twitter you do, you have to hold yourself accountable. no one can do it for you. you have to make an effort to better it, and you start by apologizing and admitting what you did. after that, all you can do is learn from this and make sure you never do it again. while you grapple with it, give yourself some compassion. you’re not a bad person, you are learning and growing and feeling remorse, regret, shame or guilt are all signs that you’re improving and doing what you need to do. there is nothing we can do to repair this or take it away. we can’t undo the hurt. find a way to forgive yourself for what happened, confide and rely on your support system and give yourself some grace.

i may harbor a fuck ton of heartbreak, hurt, anger, confusion and bitterness, but i forgive you, and i hope one day you can forgive yourself, too.

(p.s… i can smudge the ghosts now.)