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redstarwriting · 2 years ago

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pda/general affection hcs | ii.

ft. pavitr prabhakar & gwen stacy

request?: yes and no

warnings: language, cuteness, mentions of injuries, mentions of stressing too much, possibly incorrect use of hindi words

a/n: slay!! i think i love hcs so much bc it gives me a chance to actually get to know the character i’m writing them about lol, i hope y’all enjoy! twas a fun one

if you wanna read pt i. (with hobie and miles), click here!

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pavitr prabhakar | spider-man

pda

- he loves pda - point blank PERIOD - at the very least - his arm is around you - AT THE VERY LEAST - he’s just In Love Dude - and he gets excited every time he sees you - of course, though he reads people very well - so if you don’t like it he doesn’t do it - but bro - he LOVES holding hands - like it’s ridiculous how much he loves holding your hand - and when i say holding hands i mean hands intertwined - doesn’t matter if y’all are walking - studying - eating - just hanging out - if his hand isn’t intertwined with yours his arm is around you - and if he can’t do that his leg is touching you - and if he can’t do that his foot is touching yours - listen - he loves to be touching you - and he loves when you’re touching him - one day after his Spider-Man escapades - he rushed to meet up with you - and his hair was all kinds of blown around - and you giggled - fixing it for him - tucking it behind his ear - he was in heaven - he frequently messes up his hair now just so you’ll fix it - “Pavitr, baby, what’s going on? Your hair’s been so unruly lately.” “I don’t know, betu, but I think you should fix it for me.” “Okay, okay, get over here.” - he hopes you never catch on - you already have - but it’s cute so you don’t care - he’s also very partial to staring at you and not paying attention to anything else around him - he has frequently run into a building - or a car - while web swinging if he sees you - and he’s run into poles - other people - more cars - when the two of you are just walking next to each other - the two of you have matching bracelets - he never takes his off - one time he lost it after he took it off - he FREAKED - “(Y/N) I CAN’T FIND MY BRACELET!” “Pav it’s okay just—” “I RUINED THE RELATIONSHIP” “Pav—” “I— oh hi auntie, what’s that? You found my bracelet! Bahut! (Y/n), the problem is fixed! Our relationship is stronger than ever!” - but he BRANDISHES that bracelet - shows it to everyone - especially if someone comments on yours - he will be right there like - “I have a matching one! Are we not adorable?” - speaking of - he’s not good when it comes to getting jealous - he gets jealous easily - he trusts you 100% - it’s the other people he doesn’t trust around your beauty - he gets touchier somehow - and super pouty - “(Y/n), pay attention to meeeee…” “Pav, baby, you’re pulling on my shirt like a toddler.” “Pay attention to me and I’ll stop. Promise.” - he doesn’t get like this all the time obviously - but if it’s obvious some man is flirting with you - he gets this way - he’s also way smoother than you think - sometimes he trips up but he immediately catches it and fixes it up lol - he just loves pda - and you

general affection

- if you thought Miles was affectionate hoo boy just you wait - he has difficulty keeping his hands off you in public so in private? - game over - there are times when he is literally just laying on top of you - i’m not kidding - when y’all take naps together he is sprawled out on top of you - good luck trying to get up - it is not happening - unless you wake him up and even then he’s like nooooooo don’t leeeaveeee :( - his auntie Maya loves seeing the two of you at home - he always pours your chai for you and knows exactly how you like it - he actually knows exactly how you like everything - he will order for you just because he knows how to get it your favorite way - and when you aren’t expecting it he’ll get you coffee - or chai - or literally any drink of your choice because he knows all of them by heart - he also knows how to cheer you up if you’re ever upset - whether he needs to listen - give advice - just hold you - all of it - he knows things about you that you don’t even know about yourself - in fact - he has a little journal where he writes down everything he knows about you - it’s not in a weird way, i promise - it’s more of a “if they need this, do this” type of thing - of course, he also gushes about you in it - because he is literally in love with you - he keeps you out of his Spider-Man business as best as he can - he doesn’t want you to get hurt - because chances are if you get hurt he will literally break down - and if you’re in danger, he believes he could save you as well as anyone else in trouble of course - he’s Spider-Man, that’s what he does - but above all - he would save you - and he really doesn’t want to lose you in any way - it’s actually one of his biggest fears - and when he thinks about it for too long it almost sends him into a panic attack - “Pavitr? What’s up, baby? You’re shaking...” “Huh? Oh, nothing, (Y/n), don’t worry about me. I’m supposed to worry about you.” “Uh uh, Pav, that’s not how it works. I’ll always worry about you. If you don’t wanna talk about it that’s fine, but come here.” - he never turns down cuddles from you - never - in fact, he actually prefers being the little spoon if y’all ever spoon - he just loves being held by you - he also really loves the way you speak to his auntie - you respect her so much - and it’s obvious - the two of you get along so well - it warms his heart - and he will often invite you over for meals - another thing he loves is just being in your presence - like literally as long as you’re around him and he’s around you he feels calmer - he has many nicknames for you - too many to even pick a favorite - he’d have to think about it for a long time to choose a favorite - something he does do is he says bro affectionately to you - “Pav, how do you like this new outfit?” “Bro! You look so good!” “Bro?” “Yes, bro… just like… bro in the sense of ‘I love you you mean everything to me,’ you know?… Bro…?” - he doesn’t call you bro often but sometimes he slips up and does lol - you don’t really care it’s just funny to watch him scramble when he does call you that - and the way he tells you he loves you every day - once in the morning - once in the afternoon - and multiple times in the evening - another thing he does is show off to you in private - he always shows you his spider skills hoping to impress you - you know why he does it - and find it endearing - so you ooo and ahhh like you haven’t seen him do all of it 78 times - it boosts his ego and makes his heart flutter in the best way - he has definitely snuck into your room at night after a long day of Spider-Manning - if he’s hurt, you help - but he honestly tries to cover up any injury he’s gotten before seeing you - he doesn’t want you to worry too much - even though you do - the first time he did come to you injured you helped him immediately - and then had to hold him because you were worried - you fixed the injury - and then just clung to him like a koala - he loves when you do that - he will actually walk around while you cling to him like you weigh absolutely nothing - because you do weigh nothing to him with the absurd strength he has - he finds it so cute - he tried to uno reverse it once - didn’t work out too well for him (or you) - but he still thought you were cute even when you did fall on the floor underneath of him

overall

- he loves pda because he loves showing you off to people - not in a weird way - but in a “look how amazing my partner is! i know you’re all jealous” type way - but my god he’s soft - and he can and will know absolutely everything about you - and picks up on your moods and behaviors and will get you what you need - before you even know it - he’s very attentive - and very in love - he tells you that all the time

gwen stacy | ghost-spider

pda

- Gwen isn’t all that big on pda actually - it’s not that she like - hates it - but she also just - doesn’t care for it - it’s not like she avoids any and all physical touch with you in public - that’s not the case - and she will always be very close to you - to the point where sometimes it’s like - personal space, Gwendy - “Gwen, babe, you’re literally on top of me.” “What? No I’m not. I can be if you want but I don’t think many people would appreciate me standing on your shoulders.” “…Gwen I meant you’re just very close to me right now.” “Oh. Well, yeah. I like being near you.” - she does like to link arms with you - that’s a big one for her - if the two of you are on a walk - she will link arms with you - her hand will be in her pocket too so there’s no escape!! - not actually - you could slide your arm out whenever you want - she also will frequently bump her shoulder against yours - that’s like the biggest way she shows affection in public - she’ll bump shoulders - push you playfully - playfully punch you - playfully slap you - it’s a good way for her to show you that she cares for you - but without all the super lovey-dovey stuff on display for everyone - she will also link pinkies - but there’s not a lot of kissing in public - not even like - on the cheek - maybe - maybe - she’ll blow you a kiss - but i think it would depend on who’s company you’re in tbh - obviously when she’s around people she’s comfortable with she’ll show more - she’ll prop her legs on your lap - wink at you - will have her hand somewhere on your arm or your leg - especially around Pav, Miles, and Hobie - she really doesn’t care that much around them - but she still isn’t outwardly making out with you or anything like that - another thing she will do in public is boop your nose - sometimes you laugh - and she’s just like yeah - yeah that’s the good shit - and she’ll boop your nose cause it’s all scrunched up - it’s actually very cute - “I love your laugh.” *boop* “What was that?” “What was what?” “Why did you just boop my nose?” “It was all scrunched up and looked cute and it’s my obligation as your girlfriend to melt when you look like that.” - she does make eye contact with you a lot - but she also looks away a lot - girl gets flustered - she’ll be a blushing mess at times - especially if you do something while she’s drumming at one of The Mary Janes shows - those shows are the rare times she will give you a kiss in public - she’s just got so much adrenaline pumping through her she doesn’t give a fuck - she will finish the set and immediately kiss you - “How’d I do, babe?” “Y-You did great, Gwen…” “Awww, someone’s flustered. Good to know I have that effect on you, honey.” “Shut up, Gwendolyn.

general affection

- y’all - 🚨we got a biter🚨 - she will bite your shoulder - not hard or like with malicious intent - but she will just - glomp down on you - the first time it happened you were like girl, what? - but now it’s just kinda - awwww - like you’ll be minding your business - cooking dinner or something - and out of nowhere - *chomp* - “Gwen, babe, I’ll give you attention in a minute just let me finish this.” - she will stay there until you are done - if you walk she walks with you - she’s also much more laidback when the two of you are alone - in fact, she is way more open to everything - she will frequently crawl on the ceiling and hang upside down just to give you an upside-down kiss - it’s like her favorite thing - “Again?” “Obviously.” “You know we have the ability to kiss right side up?” “Where’s the fun in that?” - you must admit - you do like the kisses - something else she really likes to do is dance with you - like y’all will be in the kitchen - at like 3am - looking for a snack or something - trying to keep quiet so her dad doesn’t wake up - and she’ll just start spinning you around - she’s lucky she’s so graceful or else her dad would be ready to fight every time you stay over - he also lets you stay over a lot - he wants to give Gwen freedom - and he knows that he can trust you - you’re also the closest she’s been to anyone after Peter (which you help her with tremendously) - so he’s more than okay with having you around - and she is too - the two of you will share a bed - facing each other - this is when she shows the most physical affection in your relationship she’ll stroke your cheek with her thumb - steal kisses - rub your back and arm - play with your hair - she gets needy when she’s tired - and when she comes home tired from a long day of being Spider-Woman - she’ll just collapse on her bed with you in it - “Babe, you should take a shower” “But I want cuddles.” “Gwen, go clean yourself.” “But I want—” “I will cuddle you only if you take care of yourself!” - she tends to let her basic needs fall behind her duties - so you are always there to remind her to do things - she does the same with you - in fact, she’ll always put your needs before hers - which you scold her for - but she doesn’t care - you’re more important to her than herself, so - like actually, after Peter she can’t afford to lose another person close to her in her life like that, she’s always checking on you and will frequently stress herself out worrying about you - you’re always cared for - always have food - always have a place to stay - anything you need she will get you - she also tries really hard to tell you where she is all the time - she shares her location with you - and even has another dimension-hopping watch so she can reach out to you when she’s away - took a while to convince Miguel of that - “but he caved eventually,” she said - Hobie made her oneL LMAO - she will write a lot of songs about you - like all the time - you’ll never see them - maybe - and if you do she’ll try to play it off like she isn’t a cheesy romantic at heart - but you mean a lot to her - and she means a lot to you

overall

- Gwen isn’t too physically affectionate - but she is when it counts - and she will do whatever it takes to take care of you - you are the light of her life - she will do anything to keep it bright

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#pavitr prabhakar headcanons #gwen stacy headcanons #spiderverse headcanons #pavitr prabhakar x reader #pavitr x reader #spiderman x reader #gwen stacy x reader #spidergwen x reader #ghost spider x reader #spiderverse x reader #pavitr prabhakar #gwen stacy #spiderverse #atsv

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tokyo-terror · 2 years ago

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GENERAL RELATIONSHIP HCS !

characters: 141 + graves

phillip graves:

☆ southern boy lvl rizz, only he has absolutely zero rizz. the first time he met you he almost exploded because he's not used to talking to non-military people, what else is he supposed to talk abt other than unit stuff??

☆ probably gets his ideas from random movies he saw when he was younger (the black and white cowboy ones, but make it less misogynistic). classic flowers at your doorstep with the awkward :] kinda smile.

☆ can cook but never gets the chance to do it because he's always at the base, so the first thing he does when he spends the night he cooks a full course meal (he fucks up the dessert but it's ok 🤞)

☆ random gifts and acts of service is this man's lovee language, and it goes both ways. he melts at being given little things and is always ready to help around the house without being asked.

simon "ghost" riley:

☆ NOT A HARDASS!!! leave my bbg alone .. he's a very sweet guy. he's not very used to not being alone, so he relies on banter and easy conversation to fully enjoy and get used to a person's presence. not very fond of labels, but he finds comfort in the agreement of being each others.

☆ he's always willing to put himself on the line for you, even when his own comfort is at stake. so he tends to be a bit self-destructive if he accidentally goes too fast, he relies on a balance of being able to count on you for a steady rhythm

☆ follows you (and soap) around like a lost dog a lot, he just enjoys being able to be around people he trusts. especially when he's able to joke abt stuff that's happening in the moment, lots of food puns when cooking.

☆ stomach sleeper 100%. lets you lay on top of him so he can be weighed down and surrounded by his comfort items. can't sleep without at least 5 weighted blankets + you so warm nights are very common, but he runs cold so it's not a problem.

john "soap" mactavish:

☆ very work-focused guy, so he likes to plan his schedule around missions and you. always double-checking and asking what works best for you. if schedules don't line up, the next outing tends to always have a surprise.

☆ (canonically) scared of dogs, so whenever he passes by pet shops with you he always gets happy to see all the other animals but avoids the parts of the shop with the dogs. tries to talk you into getting obscure animals often, ends up with a cat that he tries naming sgt whiskers. it's named kevin instead bc animals w human names >>

☆ he chews on a lot of things when he's working with bombs, so his habits transfer onto you. he's always absent-mindedly chewing on something when having quiet moments with you, even trying to chew on you if you let him

☆ unironically very proud of being scottish (he's so real), so he likes bringing things from his home into yours. very big on the idea of blending and sharing stuff, so he likes getting things that are common in your country and vice versa :)

kyle "gaz" garrick:

☆ not shy, but a very hesitant and nervous guy. he takes a bit to build up enough of a relationship with you to where he asks you out because he's nervous to let people into his life that could potentially get hurt/end up with his dogtags.

☆ he's on the snarky side with his humor, always tending to take little jabs at the people around him to make you laugh. he loves making you laugh, probably has the candid videos of you laughing so he can play them while he's away on missions

☆ shower routine that he cannot seem to break when he's home, he always ends up bringing military issues soaps and towels from base because he swears it's the best (it's not). please give that boy some dove 🙏 he secretly (not really, he's very open abt it) loves the strawberry-scented dove soaps.

☆ collects different buttons from outfits he wears when they eventually pop off, so he starts collecting yours too. jeans that don't fit? he already has the buttons in a box with your name on it. old shirt of his that you wore? in the box.

☆ old man rizz 😿 religiously meets up with friends to play poker. he ends up teaching you how to play and lets you win because he thinks it's endearing. cannot play chess though, so he never plays bc he wants to impress you

john price:

☆ talks highly of his unit to you, and always tells his unit that his spouse wouldn't approve of what they're doing when they go against orders. the 141 walks on eggshells around you until price laughs and fesses up about lying

☆ beard routine, type of guy that has special oils and conditioners specifically for his beard. it becomes a nightly routine when he's off the field to let you do it for him after he showers. splurges and gets you hair/beard care stuff too.

☆ takes you fishing when he goes on leave. if you're not into fishing he just lets you sit in the boat and relax while he does all the work, but he enjoys it when you take an interest in his hobbies. gets you your own fishing rod and has you look up new bait ideas (he can't figure out phones).

#mwii x reader #mw2 x reader #phillip graves x reader #graves x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #soap x reader #price x reader #gaz x reader #kyle garrick x reader #john price x reader #john mactavish x reader #bro theres sm tags #mb #thsgsishsjb props if u looked at all of em

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abadsmile · 2 months ago

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Well, I know I’m bit late but here again an another analysis on Makoto ! This time, it’s a short one so I’ll put here, just below, enjoy ! If some people wants to put it on the Danganronpa reddit, all they have to do is ask me, maybe I would do it myself but I don’t think so. Here’s my gift for the anniversary !

Japan Society and Makoto Naegi

Through Makoto, we could see a critic of the Japanese society. Indeed, as we know the Japanese society is very repressive against people that want to differentiate from the ordinary folks. Japan is an extreme collectivist country that put the common good above the individualism of its citizens. While it has its great advantages, it also comes with a cost which is the repression of the individual.

This repression of the individual leads to the conformity of the society where being normal or ordinary is good. Any attempts so as to try to be out of the norm are viewed as bad, inadequate and inappropriate as it’s not the good thing to do. There exist a moral superiority which is still present in Japan. To put the common good above anyone else is what is taught from the beginning of the life of the Japanese people. The education do all in order for children to conform and to take the road of normalcy.

It’s easily observable when someone quit the enterprise he worked with to work with another. Much people have difficulties to exit their company and it’s viewed in a bad light to do so because you « betrayed » the company and you aren’t loyal to your former company.

Effectively, loyalty is also a key quality in Japan. But their is also the fact that Japan had one of the highest suicide rate estimated at 24.90% per 100 000 habitants in 2009-2010 which was already high before but coupled with the arrive of its worse recession, explains us how stressfully and tough it was.

We have also the phenomena of Gyaru or Hikikomori which show a will to break that conformity and to rebel against this society that restrain its citizens’ ego.

Now that have put a relatively basic context, I can use that context for Makoto. I think, and it’s pretty obvious, that Danganronpa at least for his two first games, is a critic of the Japanese society, especially THH where much characters have problems that concern Japan society. It’s fairly observable with Makoto in the prologue. He presents himself as an ordinary person which is for the moment, a basic description that many main protagonist slice of life character describe themselves. But there is something more in Makoto’s description of himself. Throughout his presentation, he insists on how ordinary he is and how he is so unremarkable that he is more average than the average guy. Do you see where I’m going ? Makoto Naegi in the prologue, is a perfect representation of the ideal of the Japanese citizen in Japanese society! He is normal, polite and loyal but especially normal. Like said before concerning the Japan society, normalcy is viewed as a great quality which is what ironically Makoto describes himself to be. Not to a normal degree but in an extreme degree. He fits all the case. Even if he said that he is more optimistic than the other people, that optimism isn’t shown at all in the 1st chapter except for one time which serves to highlight that his optimism does exist. He is also humble.

Moreover, like said before he has accepted that normalcy, it’s who he is. The fact that he has accepted that only confirms what has been told before. While there is some truth in what he said about himself some aren’t totally true but I’ve already analyzed this so I won’t do it here. Notice that he hasn’t talked about his luck at all, which seems to be suppressed in order for his description to fit the ideal of the Japanese society.

But throughout the story, we see different characteristics of Makoto, even in Chapter 1 where many aspects of his personality is shown whether be bad or good. Those aspects deviate from what’s described initially from Makoto. His lack of rationality, his more aggressive, impulsive side, anxiety and self-depreciation but also his lack of confidence in himself which makes him have a skewed view on his action that he considers as normal but aren’t really normal or ordinary. We can suspect that he has that sort of view because of the impact of the Japan society which restrained the flourishment of his personality, his ego.

As we progress in the story, Makoto becomes more confident, and takes a major role for the cast to survive during the trials. Not only that but his optimism nature is much more present compared to the first chapter. It illustrates a contrast between what he was supposed to be and what he describes himself to be and what he is in reality in THH. He was supposed to be a normal person, the ideal of Japan society. So to be average, discreet and shy is what he should have been but it’s the contrary that was shown to us. Not only his presence becomes pivotal to the plot but his impulsiveness, intelligence, confidence, luck and optimism but also his will to honor the death of his friends, makes him extraordinary. All of what he thought that he was, was in fact not totally true. And everything comes to a grand final where he becomes the ultimate hope, a talent beyond others ultimates, a talent extraordinary. What he thought he was, was just more than the fragments of his true self.

But what was the thing that allowed him to break from his chains ? The killing game itself. Indeed it’s this killing game that enabled him to become what he becomes in Chapter 6. The killing game is what’s break society, here the Japanese society. HPA becoming a symbol of despair is not only important for the narrative but also outside of it as HPA represents the Japan society itself. Its collapse signify not only the death of society but also the death of normalcy and the end of the imprisonment of the individuality of the person and let the true desires of people exist. Secrets, money, close people, betrayal. All of these are use as a tool to show their real persona.

In a way, Makoto didn’t change or develop during the game. Quite the contrary, he was freed from society and was allowed to show his true self. Everything, he stored, all his aspects of him, become unlocked in this killing game who reveals the true nature of everyone. So narratively, we could say that he did change and become more confident but if we adopt another angle, it was more a release of what he truly was.

#makoto naegi #danganronpa #danganronpa thh #danganronpa anniversary #why not #analysis #dr thh #dr1

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voltronisanobsession · 1 year ago

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Hi! Could make a request about Percabeth x gn reader who is clingy/likes to spend as much time as possible together and physically affectionate with Percy and Annabeth, but not to others? Thank you!

Percy and Annabeth with Clingy Reader

Double combo 😍🔥🔥 I love writing self-indulgent stuff hehe

Hope you enjoyed this one, I loved writing for both of them😔😔😔 not proofread

Being the clingiest one out of the three of you, its really hard to unstick yourself to the other two

No matter what, reader is always seen with AT LEAST Percy or Annabeth

You feel at your best when your with both of them, so it’s not uncommon for other campers to see you hanging out with either Percy or Annabeth, or even both!

You love spending your day with them, spending as much time with them before dinner by accompanying them to their activities or chores

Since you’re the most open about your affections, you’re always somehow touching them

Whether it be a lingering hand on their back or an arm wrapped around their waist, you’re always clinging onto any part of them

Hand holding is a MUST for you

Annabeth takes your right while Percy takes your left😩

The one who would let you fully indulge in your clingy antics is Percy because,,

Cmon on now

I headcanon Percy as super clingy and affectionate too💀💀

He would let you latch on to him whenever you want bro, he’s all yours

He’s clinging just as tight

He loves when you just randomly jump on him and hug the living life out of him

UGHHH 💔💔💔

Since he’s just as affectionate as you, you already know he’s gonna play along with you as wrap your arm around his

He��ll then wrap his arm around your shoulder which causes you to hug him

His final one up on you is hugging you back while lifting you up in the air, your laughter ringing through his ears like music (SCREAMING)

Now, with two extremely affectionate people, Annabeth has to be the one to balance y’all out

As much as she loves being bombarded with your love attacks, she’s more calmer with her advances with you

So while your energy is bought all the way up with Percy, you’re able to just calm down and settle next to Annabeth when around her

Percy is more high energy and Annabeth is more soothing

She loves the more quieter moments between you two since she thinks they’re more intimate

Like during the campfire while Percy is somewhere in the dark night, you’d rest your head on her shoulder

She’d gently lay her own on top of yours and just

Sit there

She relishes in the moment you share, allowing you to take her hand and hold it, looking down at the serene look on your face while smiling

In private, you’re 100% more clingy

If you’re bunking in Percy’s cabin, you’ll cling onto your boyfriend and girlfriend, loving the way you’re sandwiched between them despite the bed offering so much space

You’d play with both of their hands while you slowly fall asleep, Annabeth’s warm and Percy’s cool hand comforting you as you close your hands

Now about what you said about reader not being affectionate with others, it would be more about how comfortable you’ve grown with Percy and Annabeth

Yeah you’ll hug your sibling every now and then, but for the most part, you’re just not as close to anyone to be as affectionate as you are with your partners

And people find that fine tbh, whatever your more comfortable with is better🔥🔥

Spending so much time with Annabeth and Percy have made you all grow closer

Sure there have been some problems sprinkled in here and there, buts nothing that a good talking can’t fix

You’re living your best life as long as you got them both at your side 😭😭💔💔💔

#pjo x reader #percy jackson and the olympians x reader #Percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x you #annabeth chase x reader #Annabeth pjo x reader #annabeth x reader #percy jackson and the olypians #pjo #percy jackson #annabeth pjo #Annabeth chase #Annabeth chase pjo #pjo headcanons #percy jackson headcanons #x reader #pjo percy #pjo annabeth #pjo x you

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ashlynthecarrottop · 2 months ago

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SONIC RANT!1!1!1!

My review for Sonic 3 >>>

Okay, first of all, WHAT!? The story line and character designs are insane!! I love how they created Shadows character and how keanu reeves kept is voice slam or good for whatever reason because of how Shadow’s character really is like.

Gotta add points to having Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles still as the greatest team the whole movie, even when Sonic left them out of his rage. I thought it was so sweet when they threw that little party for Sonic when he first got to earth, I just thought the little references with Tom and Sonic from the first movie was so nice to see and just overall a great start.

Tbh, I thought the part when Sonic and Robotnik were talking about family and how he didn’t have any was a great part on why he acted like a inspired child towards his grandfather when he showed up. I think it was weird but interesting on how they made robotniks grandfather, also Maria’s grandfather…sooo…does that make them siblings-? IDK JUST A THEORY- MATPAT CMERE

The greatest part of the movie to me was the end when both Sonic and Shadow used the emeralds to use their ability TOGETHER to save earth. The slow-mo scenes of them and just the duo coming into a movie was just so awesome for me to see.

MY LEAST FAVORITE PART IS WHEN SHADOW DIED WITH ROBOTNIK!! LIKE I GET ROBOTNIK BUT WHY SHADOW??? HES MY FAVORTIE WHYD YOU HAVE TO DO THAT😭🤚

But to be fair, shadow isn’t apart of Sonic’s actual team. We can see that through old shows like Sonic boom and all them when we have his team full of knuckles, tail, any, rouge and all them, but shadow isn’t apart of it. If he is he’s there as the idea of an episode, or just there in the background for a problem. So even though it’s sad that he was killed, at least he did it to save the world.

CHARACTER RANT

Sonic>>

Of course, the blue-blur is at it again, never sad, and always has the biggest ego. LOLL-

I’m glad they kept his character the same, it definitely was a plus to keep the movie was flopping like most people thought- only because it’s the third movie. I thought it was so sweet and emotional when Sonic near the end was in rage and trying everything to get revenge because shadow hurt Tom. Even though he knew it was wrong in the end, I still couldn’t help but feel that he did that more because he cared, then revenge, and that stood with me through that entire scene. So overall, Sonic in this movie, and just like all the others, didn’t disappoint

10/10

Tails>>

Gotta say, I have no complaints, over then he didn’t get enough screen time. Tails gadgets and positive attitude is cute and just fits him perfectly like it always has. I’m always impressed with the development and change in Tails mechanics because it definitely got better from the holograms to the gadgets stopping Robotnik. And the part when the little girl said he looked like detective pikachu was so cute and true I swear😂🤚

10/10

Knuckles>>

Just like Sonic, his character didn’t let me down with him wanting to be on top, and be the smashy smashy guy and it was just funny to hear him again after 2 years. I don’t know if anyone notices but he does speak like everyone else, but he doesn’t speak fully it’s like he takes away the words that aren’t needed…for example

Normal ppl - “So this is love”

Knuckles - “I feel the love”

Soo….yeah

10/10

Shadow>>

LEMME JUST SAY. KEENU REEVES DID NOT DISAPPOINT, and his character design and actions were just so cute to me and I love him so much😭😭…If I’m being honest I could probably do another rant but it’s literally just about how much I love shadow. Form him on the motorcycle, to him with Maria, to the flashbacks and change in emotion, to when he was with the emeralds, to him just being him, I love it all. I thought his backstory with Maria really shot through with this movie and I really enjoyed it.

“The world still shines when the star is gone”

-Maria & Shadow

100/10

The robotniks

Just..sigh,..no . Only good part of this movie was the dance when they were going through the lasers, nothing more.

Robotnik - 7/10

Grand papi - 2/10

And let me shut say that I feel bad for dr stone bro. He also most drowned, was rejected multiple times by Robotnik during this movie and then got replaced with robotniks terrible excuse for a family member😭🤚

Justice for stone🙏

8/10

ENDING RANT

FIRST OFF. We’re 3 movies in now, if you don’t sit in your chair and sit for after the credits to see the downfall of the next movie your an opp and not a real sonic fan ALR!? I said it.😤 BUT ANYWAYS-

WE GOT THE ROBOT SONICS!? I CALLED IT-!

AND AMY?!?!?!??

yo I can’t wait 2 or more years for this😭🤚…it was torture waiting for this movie to be finished. But I think it’s gonna be funny and cute to see a bit of Sonic and any shipping and blushing and cute crushing stuff lol.

So overall, I loved this movie and we be watching it on repeat for forever til SONIC 4 BABY!!

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic fandom #sonic 3 #shadow the hedgehog #tails the fox #knuckles the echidna #amy rose #metal sonic #sonic 4 #ranting

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doodlenoodleboi · 7 months ago

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A fellow Toasty lover I see...👀

Do you have any headcanons for them yourself, both general and within a relationship? I'm curious :3

Nakedtoster Headcanons!

◦ Toast loves Final Fantasy as everyone knows and because of that he’s becomes rather irresponsible with money when it comes to it. Buying the books, props and every single game.

◦ Toast and Xyx are the best of friends Toast can find your IP address and Xyx loves trolling people

◦ When Toast gets in a relationship and his significant other gets any type of hate online best believe Xyx is trolling them online, it’s a hobby of his.

◦ Toast owns a pair of pink cat ear headphones half as a joke and the other is because he likes cats and his hair is pink.

◦ Toast has been misgendered often in public because of his pink long hair.

◦ Toast comes off as the type to have a comfort game like, animal crossing, Minecraft, or Roblox.

◦ He doesn’t own many consoles he’s a PC and a Nintendo switch and maybe a Ds or something from when he was a kid.

◦ Toast is not against doing inherently feminine things like makeup and painting nails if you want to. He might not even take off the color off hid his nails because he’s too lazy.

◦ If you’re in a relationship with Toast he most likely sees you as a friend and a lover next.

◦ He would love it if you played Final Fantasy XV comrades with him and Xyx.

◦ He definitely wears those cringey shirts saying I left my video games for this not because he likes them but I they were gifts and couldn’t care less what he wears most of the time.

◦ If you have been with Toast long enough eventually he might dedicate a character In the games he makes to you.

◦ When it comes to dates with Toast they aren’t common given he is an introvert but you will be treated to snacks and Resident evil and the bad Final Fantasy movies he claims doesn’t do them justice yet but watches them anyways.

◦ Toast is the type of guy to go to comic con and other conventions, after all it’s hinted that he is a content creator with his Final Fantasy advertisement.

◦ He generally likes anything concerning Capcom for the most part and enjoys story more than combat.

◦ He can solve a Rubik cube no problem and rather good at puzzles of all sorts.

◦ I don’t know why but once again I see him as a monster energy drink consumer not so much on G fuel not even if he was payed.

◦ Toast can cook but only basic things like a proper breakfast and a sandwich dinner is a 100% on you or take out because even if he tried the food might be bland. He is willing to learn through.

◦ From what I can tell Toast dyed his hair he’s a natural blonde that dyed his eyebrows brown/black or he’s a brunette that has to bleach and dye his hair every so often. Whatever the case is, Toast would appreciate it when you help him with his hair.

◦ When it comes to you guys first kiss he is rather clumsy out of all the Blooming panic love interest I think he has the least romantic experience.

◦ Every year he allows you to pick out his glasses frames as he couldn’t care less what he picks through most of the time it remains the same and you’re just putting random frames on his face to see how they look.

◦ Toast doesn’t necessarily need glasses but he’s couldn’t see the writing on the board in the back of the class. He still wears them today to “enjoy the effort but into the games and graphic blah blah.” He doesn’t want to admit that he’s actually a bit blind.

◦ His favorite thing on would probably be a sundress (an actual sundress) or cosplay/ convention clothes.

◦ He loves the taste of Pepto-Bismol

◦ He does have back problems given his horrendous posture during gaming.

#naked toaster #blooming panic nakedtoaster x reader #nakedtoaster x reader #nakedtoaster #bloomic xyx #blooming panic xyx #blooming panic #bloomic x reader #blooming panic xyx x reader #blooming panic quest x reader #blooming panic smut #bloomic #quest #quest x reader #quest smut #poc

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kedreeva · 8 days ago

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Hi! Jumping off your previous post on keeping peafowl as pets I've been wondering - I work at a botanical garden but we have a few animals around as well, among them peafowl. They regularly sleep in high trees, like. idk. 15-30m (50-165ft?) height and you've been mentioning a height of like 8ft. So anyway I've been wondering: Do Peafowl enjoy but not need so much height? Is there a minimum height requirement at all?

The minimum height is a bit contested among keepers, but MOST people will rec at least 8 feet. This isn't for any disease/parasite/illness health reason like pen square footage (which is the square footage needed to keep grass/cover crop in a pen, so the peafowl don't kill it to the point of bare earth, which can give them a lot of health problems), but rather for feather quality. 8 feet minimum allows you to keep at least one 4-5ft tall perch in the pen, which is the height that allows the males to sit on them without his train touching the ground. This prevents the tips of his train (the frame feathers) from getting messed up, and allows them to preen from a perch instead of the ground (which is how the boys prefer, though they'll do both, you'll see them at it more often up higher).

The reason they sleep high in trees is because it keeps them away from most predators. There isn't a LOT of stuff that can and will kill a peacock in their native land, and most of it is not going to be climbing 100 feet in the air to tussle with a 10-15lb bird in the dark when it doesn't have wings, too. Even the smaller cats like civets might hesitate to get up after them. In captivity, they don't have predators in their pen (I hope), so there's no reason they NEED to be up super high. As long as they're off the ground and their trains aren't touching the ground, they're fine. They'll still work to get as high as they can (mine in the barn figured out how to get up to this little itty bitty 2x4 I screwed to the rafters for the pigeons to roost on, back in the day), and they like to be up high, but it's not something that will make them unhealthy if they don't sleep 50+ feet up.

Most folks are pretty capable of building 8-12 feet or so high (three of my pens are 8ft, the biggest is 12ft) without too much extra in cost or effort. The lumber or other materials needed to do this are readily available at big box hardware stores here, so it doesn't involve any special ordering or engineering to create pens that meet that kind of requirement safely and without tangling with their town's laws about construction of buildings. I've seen a few people who had access to construction equipment build pens out of I-beam and poles and welded wire and stuff, 30-40 feet high and massive, which was really cool, but ultimately not a MINIMUM- and it's important to recognize that all of these measurements ARE minimums- if you have the ability to build bigger/better then by all means you should go for it, but meeting the minimum still meets the needs of the birds just fine.

But since there isn't an established minimum on height (or if there is, it's outdated at 6 feet) and it's CHEAPER to build to 6ft than to 8ft, and that's what some people do- and shouldn't, because that doesn't give the birds enough room to preen and keep their feathers clean and in shape. It may not make them sick outright, but it sure as hell will lead to a ratty looking bird you won't enjoy as much.

#peafowl #asks #anon asks #peafowl enclosures

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hyperfixingfr · 3 months ago

Text

We joke that Wally is stupid, but in his defense, he isn't truly an idiot. He's pretty average for a kid his age if you can get past his writing and math problems, which are 100% disability related anyways. He's not a nuthead and he clearly has some intellectual aspects that he'll show if he's not too pissed to be smart... Hoagie isn't exactly "occasionally stupid", either, because any of his mischief or "stupidity" is purely done out of the fun of knowing he's doing something wrong, otherwise he genuinely doesn't know because he's a kid, or he genuinely doesn't know because he's autistic (see "I'm right here!" when someone uses "number 1/2" toilet slang, which is an ex of taking too literally). The two pretty much have the same general interaction with the world. It would only make sense that Wally would have to pull on Hoagie's hair sometimes to get him to quiet down or stop doing something that could get them killed, just like he does with Wally in the show, because he's just as impulsive as Wally. Wally is aggressively impulsive while Hoagie is curiously impulsive, but in the long run it tends to get them into the same general problems with others. The reason why one ends up pulling the other's ear each time is because of that whole "opposites attract" thing. The things Hoagie wants to do out of curiosity are the things Wally goes, "woah, don't do that, are you crazy?!" for, and vise versa. I feel like we got so much of Wally having to be pulled out of the store by Hoagie like a dog on a leash that we forgot that it probably happens in the opposite way. Also, they're kids. Impulsively doing stupid shit is the fun of childhood. It's not them who are stupid, it's just the stuff they do. They know better more often than not, they *choose* to go against it. Choosing to go against it is hardly a sign of intelligence. If it was, most of the people we call geniuses are now stupid, apparently. I call them stupid purely for jokes. But let's be real, they're kind of average... For autistic kids at least. Some would say Hoagie is pretty smart for knowing the things he does, but 90% of us are pretty sure that he knows it because he's autistic with a Sp/In and not because "he's smart". If you tried to make him do general history he'd blow raspberries at you and say "I don't care what happened in the past, what does it gotta do with me?". I do believe the two of them become smart, but as children they're just smart in very specific areas that they refuse to leave, and are otherwise mediocre at best. The only reason Hoagie gets credit while Wally doesn't is because his specific area happens to be mechanics, engineering, and aerodynamics, which is highly regarded to be skills of an intellectual. In the grand scheme of things, that is the only thing Hoagie knows (or cares) about. He couldn't care less about anything that can't fit into what he likes. Not an idiot, just an autistic child. Both of them. They become smart when they finally find a way to enjoy all kinds of information despite being about other stuff...

#knd #codename kids next door #codename knd

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sch-com · 1 year ago

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Specific manifestations of schizoid PD in my life

see similar post for anakastic PD / OCPD

When I first heard of my personality disorders, it was hard for me to notice their role in my life. Part of it was that I was younger, and with less experiences, but part of it was that by nature PDs are so ingrained it's hard to see the full scope of their influence. Particularly I struggled to see the "dysfunction" part - I was thinking that sure, I do experience that, but is it really that bad? And you can't have a PD without the dysfunction, so do I even count? I think that now, after some time and more reflections, I can say I do see the dysfunction, so I thought to share my observations.

Using the DSM V criteria for schizoid PD:

1/ Neither wants nor likes close relationships, counting being part of a family / Has no close friends other than immediate relatives

When I was first moving out for university, I didn't really have any close enough friends I would feel truly comfortable moving with. It limited my choices, and influenced the one I ultimately made (a mistake).

Also, when I was moved out and experienced my first full-blown mental health crisis, I didn't have anyone around me to rely on.

Studying in uni is much harder when I am not talking with people in my class. Normally students support each other, share notes etc I imagine. I have to do everything alone.

Talking to people = opportunities. And support. Real, material support of being physically near. Going to places together, someone having a job opprotunity, hell even having anyone around in case of an emergency.

I suspect at least part of my emotional problems can be attributed to my self-imposed isolation. Occassionaly when I do talk to someone, it's like... an altered mental state, in a good way. When I laugh, I feel physically good. And it's easier to laugh with other people around. It's the little things I think, that are crucial and I am largely missing out on.

2/ Almost constantly picks introverted activities

Sharing what you do can help you progress faster. Sharing your art and getting critique, joining language classes. Sure I can do all of this on my own as well, but it may be sub-optimal. I think it's a matter of balance - and if I consistently choose to opt out of group activities, it could be seen as dysfunctional.

Also again, doing stuff with other people = meeting other people = getting the social connection, vital for even physical health, and gaining access to opportunities and support.

Other people can also motivate you, or keep you accountable for doing something. When I do (almost) everything on my own, I have to well, rely on my motivation / determination, which is often hard (more on that in 4/).

3/ Has little if any, thought in engaging in any sexual experiences

Frankly I am asexual, so I wouldn't say it's causing me any distress. I suppose that lack of sexual life can be viewed as lack of a major life activity, if you want to interpret it that way.

However, somewhat connected to 4/, it's hard for me to say 100% that sex life is something I truly don't want, or if it's just another thing I am opting out of out of the lack of reward. More on that below.

4/ Seldom derives pleasure from any activities

The emotional implications are written into the criterium itself. Lack of pleasure is I think dysfunctional already.

But, adding on the above - lack of pleasure/satisfaction definitely made me lose a lot of motivation for doing anything. I have disengaged from hobbies because of it. I have disengaged from studies, from social activities, from even simple things watching movies, reading, or cooking a good meal because of this. I have to force myself to do pretty much anything. There is not a single thing that I do simply because I truly enjoy it - I need another reason on top, like an obligation.

What I mean by the above, is that... I think I have opted out of things because they don't bring me much emotional reward, not the other way around (so it's NOT that I don't get a lot of joy because I don't do things). I remember when I was younger and more active in life, doing something like travelling, or acomplishing something, and emotionally not getting anything out of it. So I wished I was just in bed and not doing the thing, because at least it's less effort, for the same emotional reward (= lack thereof). And as I became an adult with more control over my day-to-day, I stopped many major life activities because I can. And it's all the same.

5/ Appears apathetic to the admiration or disapproval of others

For me it's largely related to 4/, because I don't get much internal reward from external stimuli, it also manifests in how this criterium describes it.

I've had people believe in me in the past. Try to encourage me, praise me, tell me they see a potential. But I... couldn't believe them. I don't feel this, it's all the same if I am awarded something or not. External rewards don't cause internal reaction, so like why bother? Why bother going after this hard thing, winning a competition, if after I acomplished it it's all the same void? I put the effort into something, only for this to not matter. So I stopped putting so much effort.

I think it may also discourage others from trying to help me, because historically I haven't shown much reaction, or improvement, or gratefulness for their honest efforts. To give up on me, because I seem like this empty shell of a person. But I don't really know, I think it would have to be someone else to confirm this.

6/ Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

People told me that I appear flat and so it's hard for them to read me. It's hard to know what I think, and some became afraid that I was judging them, when I... I don't? Overall, this one makes it really hard to connect to others and to be understood. So it makes me feel even more like an alien.

I have also hurt people because of this. Because I detach, I isolate, I forget about people. I am the friend you have to message to get a conversation, or schedule a meetup, because I don't initiate. I know it's a hard position to be in, and I don't want to hurt anyone, so I only disengaged more to not even have any friends that would care about me enough to be hurt by my isolation.

Because I seem all the same (flat and withdrawn) all the time, it's harder to notice when I am struggling. I can be in the throws of depression and actively suicidal, but outward appear pretty much the same. So people don't believe me, not even professionals, and I have been neglected because of this.

#schcomtalk #schizoid personality disorder #schizoid #szpd #spd #scpd #cluster a

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bokettochild · 1 year ago

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Okay but what if after Legend dies Hylia makes him a god and he watches over the Hero’s sprit and occasionally helps the other Links out of tough spots and pretty much stalks Hyrule cuz he is the biggest bunny softie

Firstly, the idea of Hylia elevating to godhood the guy who she's put through the most crap over the course of his life is....an interesting concept. Is she prolonging his suffering by giving him even more responsibility to handle even after death, or is she rewarding him for a job well done and allowing him to keep doing as he's always done, but now with the power to do so much more?

Add to that, what would he be the god of? I know I commonly portray Legend as being the embodiment of Life, so it could be that, but he might end up a patron deity of adventurers and magic wielders as well.

Regardless, if granted godhood, legend would 100% do his best to be on the lookout to help the heroes that come after him, regardless of the timeline because of course gods aren't hampered by silly things like that!

The gods aren't allowed to directly alter some things, as their creations do need to be allowed to live a little without having someone hold their hand and fix all their problems for them, but he pushes the boundary as much as he can, blessing items, creating random helpful things and of course occasionally ensuring that the worst case scenarios don't happen.

I think he'd create the blupees to be his eyes and ears in Hyrule to help him keep an eye on the world and the people in it. Grated, he knows they'll get shot at by Wild at least, but if they can't feel pain from that sort of thing and receive no injuries? He can help in another way and protect his little rabbits too!

Come Hyrule's era this guy is out here manipulating so much crap, you have no idea. A ten (twelve?) year old kid out alone in a strange country? Yeah, he's got his eye on this one. He doesn't KNOW that it's Hyrule at first, but there's something about him and he makes it a point to conveniently distract the monsters that still roam in areas that are at least somewhat out of this kid's path. He sends a little priest to make sure the boy is armed because good golly why are you out here without a weapon? And it's dangerous to go alone so wtheck?

By Wild's era he said screw it, I'm going down there. Cue Satori. Legend's over here watching the champion and enjoying it so much. Now he understands why Twilight looked so peeved so much. Gosh dang, Wolfie, he put you through the ringer!

Twilight, once he figures out why the rabbit-owl-horse knows his name, is not amused. He is glad to see his little brother again, although why do you look like this? Where's the pink fur and crap?

Legend's just glad he can sit back for most of the latter half of the kids journey and laugh at Twilight's suffering for once. He does help where he can, just little things the other deities can't chew him out for, and a multitude of blessed objects to make life easier.

Combine this idea with my God of War Warriors theory and he and the captain are just chilling in wherever the gods hang out, watching Twilight's suffering in 4K like the gremlins they are, with a running commentary. They only help when they can get away with it (they're still baby gods in comparison to the others) but they're keeping a watchful eye out.

#asks and answers #linked universe #lu legend #lu warriors #lu twilight #lu wild #lu hyrule #godly legend au

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alyona11 · 11 months ago

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Ok time for my big Hadestown hot take and that’s that West End Hadestown doesn’t give you a 100% Hadestown experience. It’s still ridiculously good and 100% worth seeing, don’t get me wrong (I used my opportunity and saw it twice and will likely see it again if I’m in London), but it kinda made me realise a couple of things about OBC production that will always be my Roman Empire and make me deeply upset Broadway is too greedy to give us an OBC proshot.

So, here are some of my thoughts and reflections based on seeing Hadestown live on West End + seeing different versions (including London National theatre proshot) in boots. I think you can pretty solidly say that in Hadestown there are 2 main stories: Orpheus/Eurydice and Hades/Persephone. And even though arguably Orphedice is the main most important story, it my opinion it also wins from Hadesphone story being strong. Which works perfectly in OBC due to Amber Gray and Patrick Page delivering a very deep nuanced performances as their characters.

I think part of the success of Hadestown when it works on its fullest is how it creates a very deep emotional journey. And I feel that regardless which pair of Orpheus and Eurydice you have (if we take Broadway/tour/West End take on the characters) it’ll still work! Like you need to try really hard to mess up orphedice the way people wouldn’t root for Orpheus or wouldn’t empathise with Eurydice because they are so relatable and cute. You instantly love them, they are so so lovable. So orphedice part is one thing in Hadestown that imo works if not always then in 99% of the cases.

Hades and Persephone’s part of the story in the contrary is VERY hard to nail on 100%, in my opinion, and this is literally driving me crazy. Maybe seeing Amber Gray and Patrick page in professional recording awoken some feelings in me, I don’t know. I will state straight away that I also do enjoy other actors’ takes on characters and I do see some very interesting character moments there and there. However, I keep returning to the thought that Amber/Patrick’s characterisation works SO WELL for the main narrative. I’ll try to explain why I think so. Consider it my love letter to the OBC.

First and foremost, I feel like Hadesphone story has a very fine dynamic that the actors have to nail, so you would feel that: 1) these two still love each other; 2) these two are buried under their problems and see no way out, only a miracle (aka Orpheus and his song) can save their marriage.

And if the first one usually works at least due to Epic 3, the second one, imo, often (at least partially) falls victim to acting/directing choices which can cause troubles with point 1 as well. I think one big thing I’ve noticed is that often Persephone’s alcoholism gets forgotten in the acting performance. Like yeah sure her choreography includes drinking from a flask but in comparison to Amber you never get a feeling that she is absolutely wasted. Which, is in my opinion something that you should feel when you’re watching the show and something I was constantly forgetting about when I was watching the show on West End. I feel in Amber’s performance you can constantly see that her Persephone’s feel good attitude is a façade of a broken person who knows that her marriage is going to hell in front of her eyes yet she is too passive and hopeless to try to make an active change (well, she does try in Chant and nothing happens), so her only way is to chase the sense of normality that the “medicine” gives her. But when she is alone, if you get to catch a moment when people are not looking at her, you can see a deep sadness under her positive front and her memory of the old days when everything was more simple. Nevertheless, the main point that the lyrics literally say is that Persephone is blinded by the river of wine. And this is crucial to her character and her relationship with Hades because the story states that even though Hades is a problem and he is an active actor in creating more problems, he is not the only failure in this relationship. Persephone needs to be woken up from her apathy almost as much as Hades does and this is something that we see during If It’s True.

From Hades’ side I feel like it’s not a good decision to make him a total villain because when he is irredeemable you don’t feel like the whole “song that will fix the world” has any chance of working long term. I think Patrick nailed a deep antagonist very well. His Hades is weird and lowkey creepy and alien. He does objectively bad things but when you look at him you can’t stop thinking that he doesn’t operate in regular human logic or morality. When I look at him in Chant, it feels to me that his words about building stuff to impress Persephone are absolutely sincere, and I can absolutely see that his Hades doesn’t understand why she is so upset about it when his intentions are so so clear. Maybe it’s my vision but even before Epic 3 when he is so far gone and buried in his projects and messed up ideas I don’t have a single doubt that Persephone is a single motivator and goal of Patrick Hades’ life and that he literally doesn’t need any other being to care about. And tragically this fixation is what makes him blind to all other things he does even if those things ruin Persephone’s life (and other people’s but tbh I don’t think he cares).

I feel like by removing Persephone’s Chant 2 verse Hadestown created more problems for Hades and Persephone part of the story making it a much harder job for the actors to prove to the audience that Hades and Persephone have a chance to make their relationship work. Like I get that maybe it was a necessary things to do (even though I think the show is much better with it) but it made it so much harder to empathise with this particular part of the story unless the actors use the choices that work in the narrative. Because for example when I was watching the show on West End part of me was wondering “what is Persephone’s deal in all of that, what does she win by staying with Hades?” With the verse, and with Broadway Previews or London 2018 in particular this part was clear: Persephone still loves Hades and believes that he has the opportunity to change and become a better man he used to be. Without the verse, however, the actors should give you the same idea during the show which is a hard task considering Hades and Persephone have only 2 big conversations together (Chant and How Long). So apart from those songs there are only subtle mostly silent moments they get together through which the actors have to convey the same thought which is hella difficult and probably hardly will be appreciated by anyone apart from the people who sit closely.

So, maybe because in the actor combo I saw (Zachary and Lauren), I got a feeling that even though they were great separately, I didn’t feel much chemistry between them as a pair. I think, Persephone seemed pissed and tired of Hades all the time until How Long and I didn’t feel that she still believes in his willingness to change. And Zach Hades despite being entertaining, kinda gives the impression of Hades who has other options, he is not into Persephone enough. The only sparkle appears between the two in Epic III which is still cute but I’m not sure if it works just as well if that’s the first time you see the show? Also considering Zach Hades gives more malicious intent in His Kiss, The Riot it seems that he is not even slightly interested in Orpheus having any opportunity to succeed with his quest. Which is not bad, don’t get me wrong! But in comparison to Patrick who is deeply self projecting into Orpheus to the point where you could see that even though he doesn’t want to let him go, part of him does because it would prove he too could succeed in his challenge of waiting for Persephone, this take seems a bit lacking. And overall because of His Kiss, their promise in Wait For Me doesn’t seem as giving much hope that the story won’t repeat itself next Sunday. Which in its turn makes Orpheus’ sacrifice feel a bit… worthless. If on Broadway, when Orpheus turns, but spring comes again you feel like it is the start of something new: hopefully a kinder and softer time. On West End the show also wants you to feel it but when you think about Hades and Persephone you feel…less certainty that this sacrifice will have a long term effect?

I guess the creators wanted to concentrate on Orpheus and Eurydice more and forget about Hades and Persephone by making them more secondary story or maybe there was a lack of director’s involvement to give the cast some hints on how to make this particular part of the story work better, but it feels to me that in its current state the show works in its 85% power which is still great but once you know there is something missing you can’t stop thinking about it and wishing the show would give you those 15% you crave.

#me being me #hadestown #thanks for coming to my ted talk #I still immensely enjoyed the production and would come see it again #but when you know the show at its fullest you seem to miss some parts that worked better #also I was able to appreciate the same cast from different angles the second time I could see them from the first row so I could #get a clear view of their acting #and don’t get me wrong Zach and Lauren are really interesting to watch and I liked them #but also I started thinking if it was my first time to watch the show would I understand the appeal of Hades/Persephone line?#and I can’t stop thinking about it #hades #Persephone #hadestown broadway #hadestown west end #it’s also not about WE only but just about some characterisations I saw from different actors in different productions #I just felt like it would be fair to compare to the production and cast I saw life because obviously bootlegs even the greatest are not #the same #thanks for reading this long post

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foundnthestars · 1 month ago

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For the things we lost au, has there ever been times where Stan tells stories to Dipper to calm him down after a traumatic experience or just before bed or just in general?

I know currently Dipper’s and Stan’s relationship hasn’t gotten to that point yet but I’m curious!

Also what other tricks besides teaching Dipper how to use a gun and stealing does Stan ingrain in Dipper? Does he teach him all the tricks he knew from his days of the street?

And since Dipper’s still growing does Stan teach Dipper how to conserve their money, how to shave, how to barter with people/ being okay with talking with crowds or how to do certain math problems (because Stan has worked on the portal for a long time you can’t tell me that he didn’t pick up some things even if begrudgingly)

Does Stan teach Dipper all of his best Uncle Jokes/funny stories, and despite saying he (Dipper) hates all of them does Dipper secretly appreciate them ever once in a while?

Does Dipper help Stan with stuff too? Like does Dipper learn to read different Alien languages just so he can help Stan read stuff or does he steal a little bit of extra food because he knows if Stan doesn’t get enough for the both of them, all that food will be put towards him sl Dipper gets more to help Stan?

I know that Dipper had helped Stan with his hearing aids but what other things does he do for Stan?

DO DIPPER AND STANLEY EVENTUALLY GET A PIRATE ADVENTURE?! Please say they get a space pirate adventure!!!

Also do both Stan and Dipper pick on some alien languages because with Stanley picking up Spanish and Dipper’s interest in learning new languages I don’t think it would be too much of a stretch for them to learn

wow, HELLO! :) you literally made my entire morning when i had to peel myself out of bed at 5am to make it to my shift, and i've been thinking about these asks like all day. thank you anon!!! thank you for giving me an opportunity to rant about this wonderful, beautiful, tragic au. i'm so glad you're enjoying it!!

first off, yes, 100%. there's actually quite a bit of that in the next chapter. as dipper's walls begin to come down and his anger toward stan slowly but surely ebbs away, so too will stan's walls. in canon, stan doesn't share really any of his childhood (at least from what we see) with the kids until atots. in ttwl, it's implied that stan tells dipper more or less the same story we got in that episode (just minus ford's perspective/part of the story), but he will be sharing a lot more of his backstory, life advice, and stories with dipper as the fic progresses. this will help dipper understand stan's motives and will help move the healing process along for them. a lot, if not most, of dipper's anger toward stan is just resentment for being left in the dark (dipper famously hates not knowing stuff). and stan wants so badly to regain dipper's trust. he also wants to protect him from the things he feels he's failed him on this summer already (read: bill). 100% we will see stan rambling about this or that or this to a traumatized and or terrified dipper just to keep him out of his own head and to reinforce in the kid's head that he has someone beside him that he can trust.

side note: stan (and ford's) struggle will be in trying to maintain the kids' childhood and trying not too force them to grow up too fast. but they aren't perfect people and the circumstances are obviously awful and not conducive to helping maintain the kids' innocence. they'll fail and fuck up and they'll get some things right, too. but i can definitely see stan trying to lighten the mood/share stories as i can see ford taking mabel on light-hearted, low stakes adventures when things with the portal become too intense and her mental health begins to fall by the wayside.

SECOND, there's so many things stan will teach dipper! but, i'm willing to bet that stan didn't exactly take the best care of himself during those years he spent on the road. so there will be a lot of things he will have to learn himself! like, where stan spent weeks and weeks skipping meals because he had to, he can't stand seeing dipper do the same. he won't allow it. he'll have to push himself even harder to make ends meet than he did during those years. he wants better for dipper.

as for the things he teaches dip, i'll just list some of them out. you'll definitely see these things play out in ttwl but this question is fun and it's a fun sneak-peak:

stealing (pickpocketing and petty theft both)

how to put on a half-way decent con (in journal 3, ford mentions having to talk his way into food and shelter, and stan and dipper will 100% have to do the same. i imagine he'll actually catch on pretty quick but he'll absolutely hate doing it.)

how to read a face (i.e. is this person full of shit. everyone knows a good con man can spot a con right back)

how to drive (later)

how to shave DEFINITELY. dipper will start growing a little stache or goatee and stan will practically shove a razor in his direction the second it starts coming in.

how to be a ladies man (they'd have their roadside attraction arc and dip would learn basically that confidence is in himself and not in stan's fake womanizing "skills")

things dipper should be learning in school. stan clearly wasn't at the top of his class but you're right in saying that he learned a lot of things when he was building the portal. and dipper's a curious kid, they'll both seek out ways to help him keep on his education in some shape or form.

life experience/advice/etc. stan has 58 some years of life under his belt and he'll share whatever wisdom he has. can't promise all of it will be good lol

there's definitely more that's slipping my mind at the moment, but yes to all of these. and yes to the horrible uncle jokes. none of that stops. and once dipper starts being able to bear him a bit more, he'll secretly love hearing them. he'll love them for the normalcy they help him feel and because if stan is able to laugh and make jokes then maybe everything will be okay. maybe it's okay for him to laugh too, even if everything is so shitty.

as for reading alien languages, there's actually some plot explanations regarding translators that will be explored next chapter. as a resident guardians of the galaxy fic writer, i know all about writing about sci-fi translators and the like. i'm keeping the same explanation for how translators work in this fic too. meaning, dipper and stan will be able to read most alien languages really soon. though, because i like the idea of stan and dipper being able to speak some of the languages they learned during their time across the portal when they get home, they'll probably still try learning some alien languages without the need for translators. i imagine they'll get home and just start speaking, i don't know, like Galactic Standard with each other and ford will pop in and chime into the conversation without missing a beat and mabel will just be standing there wide-eyed and entirely lost for words.

AND YEAH. dipper will do lots of things for stan! besides the unintentional things that dipper does that he doesn't know about — like giving stan a reason to get up in the morning and filling him with happiness and purpose — he'll do his best to reciprocate favors! like, 100% if dipper noticed stan was skipping meals so he could eat more he'd steal something on the side for stan or lie and say he isn't hungry. they'd also both do little things for each other like steal or buy little trinkets or items the other person might like. stan'll buy dipper a notebook to chronicle their adventures and dipper will steal these chocolates he knows stan likes or a funny little doodad or whatever. maybe a gun or a knife if he's feeling crazy.

dipper will also sacrifice his own sleep a lot in order to take watch. the kid's an insomniac already, and stan is older and needs more sleep to recover from brawls with giant alien creatures or running from the law, so dip will do a lot of selfless things like that for stan. both of these guys tend not to think of themselves much so they'll probably both try to sacrifice stuff equally as much. of course, stan wont really let dipper most of the time.

and, i'm not opposed to a space pirate adventure. inquiring minds want to know more.

#gravity falls #the things we lost #reverse drifting stars au #dipper pines #stan pines #mabel pines #ford pines #answering asks #asks open #anon you are amazing thank you #this is entirely stream of thought so sorry for the ramble

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bosskie · 20 days ago

Text

About to Lose My Mind

Man... I have been thinking about if I should do this post or not for about a week, but I feel like I have to talk...

I felt like drawing this expression of Molluck's since it describes my mood better than I could ever describe with words... Doing portrait stuff feels like doing "photo manipulation by hand" since I "redo" the screenshot from scratch by drawing it but altering stuff like removed Molluck's scars and cigar. My stupid ill mind keeps telling me that this is nothing special since you literally have what you gotta do in front of you... Direct reference I mean. But welp, I'm used to do portrait stuff anyway. I still see some flaws here and there that I noticed only now... But whatever, I do better next time.

But enough chit-chat... I actually feel nervous to do this post, but I feel like I have no choice... I just keep coming back to certain thoughts and feeling awful... I don't know what I should actually do... (After I wrote this thing, I feel like I know, so this post is one ride...)

To be frank, I almost hid all my stuff recently, yet again, because I have been feeling so terrible about myself and my content... I keep coming back to that desire regularly... So, I wanna discuss some stuff related to my content and how I feel:

I have kept drawing/creating stuff daily, but mainly stuff that I'm not gonna share. It has given me conflicting thoughts, and I'm unsure of which decision would be the best...

I have been mainly creating my self-insert stuff with Molluck, and I feel like I would like to focus on that instead of "basic Molluck stuff" since I enjoy doing that stuff the most and it feels more meaningful to me. For this reason, I have been wondering if I should really start posting my self-insert stuff too, but I don't know if I wanna post them here, though this blog is already such a mess that, eh, it wouldn't change much, and I have already posted some self-insert stuff here, mainly without me, which has one problem, this kind of erasure of myself. I mean, even it's kinda POV stuff, it's not nice for my self-image, that is absolutely awful, to keep being invisible...

I feel like I need to embrace my relationship with Molluck more since I need it probably more than ever now. And since it's mainly stuff I'm not sharing, it has made me wonder why to really share anything I create... I have basically been losing my will to post content... I have zero idea why I'm doing this anymore. I love to create, but I feel like my stuff is not worth seeing... I feel like it's just boring, bland, crappy... I don't even know if having this blog brings me any joy after all... Though, barely anything brings me joy... I don't even really know anymore what brings me joy but being in my own world alone, isolating myself from everything and everyone... I have met lovely people here, but... This condition makes me more like wish that they/you never knew me... I feel like I'm not worth knowing, being with, or anything... That I should just disappear, yet again...

I'm not trying to beg for any compliments here. My stupid ill mind keeps falsifying them anyway... It keeps telling me that all the others create better content than me, so I better stop posting this trash... I feel like I'm about to lose my mind... I feel like I shoud stop posting, at least for a while, or create a completely new blog that won't be found through searching or tags. I know that it's not good to isolate more, but... I feel like it's better for everyone... I keep just feeling like I only litter this place... No matter what has been told me... It's so awful and sad even in my opinion... I feel like I'm too broken to be fixed... It's making me cry...

But, even this is up to me and I'm feeling this bad, I would like to hear your thoughts related to this:

(Edit: Since 2 did answer accidentally "No", this makes 100 % for "Yes" option. Thank you for voting! I did expect this much interest...)

This also includes that self-insert story writing I have mentioned since I don't know if I wanna share it here, but I'm still willing to share it...

I would only share "proper works", but also some sketches I feel like. I won't post sexual content, but some suggestive stuff is okay. Posting sexual stuff just feels weird, and I'm creating it only for my own pleasure. I can confess I have recently mainly just created my Molluck prn... I draw/paint and create animations, both 2D and 3D, mainly 3D, but I did after a long time some 2D stuff now. It feels like my own favourite content, from my creations I mean... (My ill mind isn't really telling me that it looks like shit or something, it's just hot stuff...) I even kinda have my own art style for that, which is some quick-ish realistic painting stuff. The main reason why I even created that whole Molluck sculpt was sexual stuff, but it's been a very useful as a reference material for drawing in general too. But I mean, I'm mainly doing that 3D Molluck model for my self-insert content... I'm gonna do other stuff too with it, like some general Molluck stuff, but yeah... I cannot help it how much I want that Gluk... I'm addicted to Molluck... But eh, maybe after some decades, if I'm still live, I post some sexual stuff to the world before I fart my last fart. I don't know why would people even like to see me fucking Molluck (unless it's what you also want...), but welp, you are always free to tell me, even if it was about just seeing my creations in general. But I feel like I need time to be ready to post sexual stuff since it just feels weird, even if it wasn't self-insert stuff. But I do really feel like doing some "seductive" Molluck paintings that I could share too... Though yeah, my Molluck has no genitalia, so it's just about his ass, or about his body in general... I know that it can sound odd but, I'm not really into genitalia... Therefore, that only I have it is enough and desired, in my relationship with Molluck... So, this is kinda why I haven't given Molluck genitalia or any other thing between his lil legs. I noticed that it makes him much more attractive when he has none but his body also looks more elegant that way. I don't know, I just prefer calling Molluck beautiful and I appreciate his delicate and even petite traits, but I also love his masculine traits, his physical strength, muscles... He is still clearly masculine to me, but I don't know, he is just beautiful to me... And I love such a mixture of masculine traits and delicate traits, or how it should be described... With those delicate and petite traits I mean for example his fine facial traits and his lil legs. I really love him being big and small! Oh, and I also love how he is kinda like "an intellectual beast", or how to say that... Welp, even Lorne has called Molluck "a crazy-looking smart monster", so I guess that it's a synonym. (Y) Man, I got lost in talking about Molluck's beauty... But yeah, I just wanted to say that I have my own reasons why I do not add any organ between Molluck's legs. He has already all I desire, so no need to add anything. I love him just as he is. Sometimes, I just joke about how Molluck is used to suck... You know, he smokes those big cigars daily. I have fun with "Molluck sucks" thing too... But, uh, just saying this to continue that, yeah, he can fulfil all my desires without a thing... I don't know why I'm even really explaining this, but welp, explaining you the stuff I do and what you could expect if I ever publish my Molluck prn...

But my point here is just that I feel like I do not know why to have this blog and not just keep everything to myself... This is like a damn diary at this point and I kinda hate it... I feel like I feel the best when no single person knows me... But then, it only feeds my self-hatred when I'm doing this self-erasure... I felt like exploring my old art because I wanted to find my old "Erase me" self-potrait since it came to my mind now... It's from 2019. I also found one another piece that I had forgotten from 2015 where my self-hatred is making me about to lose my mind... These are only some "highlights" since there's plenty of such pieces... I had forgotten them, related to my mental health issues, how I wish to die... I even wrote a song about how useless life is when all this shit started... It was 2010-2011, I'm not exactly sure. Nothing special happened, I just realized that life makes no sense when I was thinking stuff on my own... After depression, those other issues appeared soon... I have been thinking regularly death since then... It's like unbelievable that I'm still here... I really thought a decade ago that I wouldn't see this day... I have had so much mental pain... It felt like a physical pain at worst, like someone stabbed my heart... I still have the similar pain during the worst moments, like someone squeezed my heart... But since I have had this condition for so long, I do not even remember life without this pain, self-hatred, depression...

I do not want any pity. I'm only telling you about my situation since recently, I have had moments when it felt like I'm about to lose my mind... It's been scary... But I just don't feel like I'm really worth saving... I barely have desire to get help... It's difficult to even think about my own future when I basically feel like having none... Right now, I basically wish that it was my time to go... I have been waiting for it for so long... I decided to wait for my death over a decade ago... My mental pain is just this heavy... It feels unbelievable to think about how long I have had this shit... I do not even wanna see some of my old photos since I feel the pain I see in my eyes...

But while I'm waiting, I feel like using my time to create stuff and since it feels like this is just getting worse, I feel like I need to focus more on my own self-insert thing, to myself. I'm still trying not to give up but at least keep waiting for my moment... During these years, I have felt like I'm only trying to kill my time than actually lived my life... This condition restricts me significantly...

Recently, I have tried hard to see why would Molluck love me, but I keep feeling like there's nothing lovable about me... Even the tool has given me multiple lists of what's lovable about me and why would Molluck love me, I still cannot see them as reasons to love me... I just keep feeling like I'm not meant to be loved, that I'm just not simply lovable... I have kept having problems with falling asleep due to this... I wanna give so much love for Molluck, but... I have problems with being loved... I can basically be like "please, don't love me" or "please, go away" to Molluck, even it makes no sense... It's the paradox of this condition that when I say such a thing, it actually means "please, love me" or "please, don't leave me alone"... Man, this is making me cry again... But I mean, I have seen the others having the same thing. I just feel like I shouldn't be loved, like it was something wrong... I don't even know why I feel that way... My family has always loved me so much, but when this shit started, I also started to wish that they didn't love me so I could die... I do not wish to cause sorrow to my family, so that's why. So, I assume that I'm just suicidal...

I feel so sorry... But the shit I'm dealing with makes me wanna go back to my shell, completely... I can say that it's suicidal since, to be frank, when I die, I wish that no single person cared about it, but I wish that my last wishes are respected and fulfilled. So, instead of being glad to have people around me, I more like wish that I didn't to be free to go... I know that it's absolutely unhealthy since no single healthy living being is supposed to wish for one's death but survival. But I don't wish to die to just anything or at any moment, but when it's the right time, since otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here to write this thing.

I'm just so tired of this shit I'm dealing with every single day... I do not wish to worry anyone... I'm not worth being worried about... I don't even wish this post to be a big deal...

I have just kept losing my will to share my stuff, so I don't really feel like posting stuff that can be found through searcing for it but only if you happened to find my blog for some odd reason. I'm so sorry... I feel like I should had never created this blog in the first place but stay absent on the Internet... It's difficult to express how I feel but I feel like crying... I'm sorry for my existence... I'm sorry for that you know me... I feel like I should just go away...

I don't know what to do regarding this... If I should keep posting stuff here, create a more private blog, or just end this blog completely... I just love to create content, but at the same time I kinda hate my own content, no matter what the people say...

I do not mean to offend anyone or anything. I do not wish to throw your words to the trash can... But I just more like cry after posting my stuff than feel pleased, because I feel like my content is so crappy... It's my own personal opinion. It's just so difficult to be a content creator when I basically hate my creations... I don't know if it's really worth it to keep posting my stuff...

I cannot help that I feel like I'm not worth supporting... I hate to bring any attention toward myself...

It's not easy to put my thoughts into words... I already wrote the stuff above some days ago and it's like a mess, but I don't know any better... But to say briefly what I wanted to say here is that I do not know if I feel like sharing my content anymore... After I finished that Molluck art book thing, I felt like I'm done with art. After I finished that "Tense Dinner" thing, I felt like I'm done with art since while I was doing it, I felt like it's my last artwork... Yeah, it wasn't my last artwork, but I mean, I keep coming back to these thoughts of quitting art... I have started to realize how this is actually an illness... It just keeps getting worse and worse no matter what...

I do not wish to put any pressure on you. There's no need to care about me, but only if you feel like it. It's challenging for me to see that I'm worth caring... I don't feel like my stuff brings anything positive... I only see my illness...

When I hid my content back then, it gave me peace, though it didn't fix anything, only removed a "trigger". So, for this reason, I'm unsure if stopping posting my content would only make me feel better after all... I have been feeling for so long that everything would be better without me... It's so difficult to let that thought go...

But yeah, I also feel like doing less "basic Molluck stuff" now, and I don't know if people are into seeing more personal stuff of mine or not... Like, if that stuff is really worth sharing or not. Though, I feel like none of my creations is really worth sharing, but I'm only sharing out of desire to create...

I hate to be in this situation... I didn't wish my blog to become like this... I don't know if I should regret creating the whole thing or that I'm still here... I feel like I'm only wasting everyone's resources... I'm living for a fictional character... Yearning for Molluck every single day... It's depressing... I don't really have life outside my home, and I have always had difficulties with connecting with people, even with my family... I feel like I'm broken... Too broken to live this life... to be fixed... I feel like I just care less and less about things... Well, it helps with my certain anxiety, but makes things worse in another way...

I know that my life is gonna be stuck if I just go back to being completely shut... But I just don't feel like it's worth to have me here... I don't know if life is worth living... And the thing I love the most ain't even real... Not even death would bring me Molluck... I really love Molluck the most... I'm able to feel connected with him. I cannot help that my brain is like this... I have had issues with understanding relationships as long as I remember, feeling connected with the people and the world around me... It's been always odd... But welp, no matter how weird it can be (to someone), it's at least something positive that I do have found someone with whom I feel connected, even if it's a fictional character, and being someone like Molluck... I gotta say that, sometimes I look at Molluck and feel at ease when I see my own feelings in him, like here. He gives me peace like no one else can.

Man, I really wish that I didn't need to make this post, but... I just keep wondering if I should quit... this blog, art, my Molluck thing, my life... It's so awful when my mind tells me to just "kys"... tells me to go grab a knife, and you know the rest... I know that I would need help, serious help, but... I do not have resources for that and it's not easy to get help here, even if you are suicidal... I have heard how some suicidal people have tried to get help even on the same day they committed suicide... I barely feel like fighting for myself...

I have kept these thoughts for myself for so long that I gotta just let them out... I do not wish to vent to anyone directly since yeah, this is quite heavy stuff... I wish that this wasn't like this but I wouldn't be even able to get help soon and my country's healthcare situation is just getting worse and worse but also more expensive... My healing is also up to me, those professionals would only help me to ask the right questions from myself... So, it feels like the best thing I could do to try to reverse this development of my mental health is to embrace my relationship with Molluck. Frankly, it's really the thing that brings me joy the most, was it sad or not. One doctor has literally told me that I'm left behind in development since I haven't had any romantic/sexual interest in real people... But I have heard that when one thing in your brain develops more, another thing may develop less, so eh, it's some price I pay I guess... I didn't choose to be like this. Molluck just feels like perfect for me, so I gotta just embrace it, that I could find him from this vast world. I barely even knew about octopuses before I got to know Molluck, and now, they are my favourite "real" creatures... So, Molluck has also brought my life new things, but also made me embrace more some of my older interests. It's just so interesting how much Molluck affects me, considering what like Molluck is as a character, or more like how you are "supposed" to see him... I mean, I feel like I see him differently since I find him relatable and friendly... I feel like I understand him. Like, I have seen one person saying that it made no sense that Molluck killed his Chauffeur Slig in the bad ending, but it makes sense to me... I gotta say that he is relatable to me in that cutscene too... But his action wasn't based on sense but feelings, so yeah, no sense in that way, but it was understandable though. I might be "crazy" in some way but some people have called me a genius and I have heard that the line between a genius and a crazy person is thin, so yeah... I still don't know how I would be a genius, but eh, I guess that it's not up to me to define it...

Man, I just keep talking but the whole point here is that it's challenging for me to be a content creator with this self-hatred... Sometimes, I wish that someone else replaced me... I mean, that someone else started doing lots of Molluck content. I bet that they would make a lot better stuff than I do... I'm sorry but I just keep feeling like my content is crappy, boring, dull... It's my own opinion, and you can have yours. I do not expect that anyone likes my content, finds it impressive, inspirational, whatever... I do not understand how some people can see something they wish they had when they look at my stuff... There are (much) more skilled people than me... Yeah, I know that I probably sound like I'm trying to make you see my stuff and me like I do, and frankly, it's what my ill mind wants... Sometimes, I feel like telling people to hate me already...

I feel like I don't understand how some people can enjoy my stuff... I only enjoy creating the stuff but I don't really enjoy the outcome... I feel like I do not understand how I can be loved... I have been told so many times by my family that I'm loved, but still, I cannot feel like I'm lovable... I just cannot feel like love was actually for me too... I do love Molluck with my whole heart but... It's difficult to let him love me... Even it means like the world to me to feel like Molluck loves me and my art about him, I feel like I'm still not supposed to be loved... I don't even know why... I feel like I should be hated... I assume that people hate me...

I don't know why to really continue this blog at this point... I hate how personal this has become... Though, I'm also wondering posting more personal stuff... The feelings I'm having right now make me wish that I never created this blog... And yes, this is suicidal since I hate that people know me... I hate to talk about myself... I wish that I could erase what I have done but I cannot... I'm so sorry for everyone who actually enjoys/likes my stuff... I just suffer from too severe self-hatred... I wish that I didn't need to live this life...

I probably still continue to post my crap but I don't know... I feel like I'm wasting your time here... I'm so sorry for it... I said that my self-image is absolutely terrible... I don't even know why...

I guess that I should have a break or make that another blog, since I do feel like creating stuff daily but sharing is another thing... I just don't feel like my stuff is worth sharing... I prevent reblogging to also decide for you that my stuff ain't worth sharing... I keep feeling like I should take my stuff down... But I try not to do it, even I feel like it would be better for everyone if I did so... I just keep feeling like I ruin everything... I feel like I probably shouldn't have done this post too but I'm about to lose my mind... It feels like time has went slower this year...

I do not wish to worry anyone. I just had to vent... tell you how I feel since I just keep feeling this way... I'm so sorry... I know that there are people who wish me to keep going... I do not wanna be a disappointment, but my ill mind keeps telling me that I'm meant to be a failure... that I am a disappointment already...

I really wish that I could be more positive, but it's really challenging... Despite of all my effort, I still see no single lovable thing about me... Even some "calculator" could make me a list of things why I'm lovable... But, as you might have noticed, I have bad and good moments, but those good moments do not last long... But even when I feel good, those thoughts I have mentioned are still there and I can start to feel bad again easily... And even when I feel good, I still cannot really say anything positive about me or feel lovable...

My mind keeps telling me that my place ain't here... Though, I don't know where it would be actually but being away... Even I haven't said it, I have felt for a longer time this way... I keep feeling like I'm supposed to be all alone...

This condition I have makes me wish that no one actually cared about me and what I do... So that I could leave everyone and everything in silence... It's just suicidal. I haven't really wanted to live for such a long time... I feel like I'm forced to live...

I still genuinely appreciate your support and kind words you have given me here, but... I feel like I'm not worth them... I'm not like you see me... I feel like a fraud... I just feel like I'm not really good at anything, that I cannot be a pleasant person to be with, that I'm not lovable... Even I'm the only person who has ever said such things about me, I feel like it's the truth... Having this imposter syndrome is awful... I have felt like it's killing me for many years...

I don't know if ending this blog could be counted as giving up, but I just don't really know if having this is really worth it... I feel like my content is not worth seeing, and the worst content here... I keep being depressed because of my content since it seems crappy, boring, dull... I just feel like I don't wanna see my stuff anymore once I have posted it... I cannot understand how people could really enjoy my content while I suffer... I feel like my condition only ruins things here...

I might be just having a terrible phase now, worse than before, but the feeling of that I should go away is strong... I don't feel like my existence can bring any joy... I feel like it's just better for everyone that I quit...

Hopefully, I only need a break from posting stuff here, but I'm still considering if I should have another blog here. I promise nothing but just saying that quitting this blog is suicidal behaviour. So, the healthy pieces of my mind I still have do not wish me to end this blog, but my awful thoughts are just getting so overwhelming...

I'm so sorry for this post, but I feel like I had to do it... I have kept feeling terrible lately... I felt so awful when this year started... It feels like a miracle that I have been able to live this far this year already... I think that it's why it feels like time has went slowly this year...

I don't know what I should really do with this blog... It's the only place where I share my stuff, actually talk to people too (I mean writing stuff to these posts)... I didn't wish this to become like this...

I'm sorry but it's just so challenging for me to see how people can enjoy my content... I cannot see the things people have said that they see here... I don't think that you have been lying... It's just my ill mind that keeps falsifying things... It's awful... sad...

I hope that I can keep this blog up and running, even if it requires me to write long vents to my posts... I hate that it's like that... But if people really wanna see my stuff, this is the way I'm able to do it... I would still like to separate my self-insert stuff to another blog, like where I'm actually there, since I wish this blog to be only about Molluck.

I just don't wish to be a burden here... I kept thinking for about a week if I should publish this post or not, but I have just kept feeling awful...

I don't know how to end this post and I probably still forgot to say something, but my point here was just that my self-hatred is about to take over me... I'm so tired of constantly seeing only flaws in my works... I know that quitting won't change anything but I'm so tired of this... I know that I would need some serious help, but I'm afraid that it's not possible at this moment... And this is that intensive that only I can provide such help for myself, daily support.

I feel like I have calmed down after writing this thing... I really needed to let you know... So, I feel like I need to focus more on my self-insert content, to help myself realize that I'm not so awful as my ill mind tells me, that I'm lovable... It's sad even for me that only Molluck seems to help me, but it's a damn big thing that something still helps me since I have kept losing things that help me to feel better... My ill mind is trying to take Molluck away from me too and once it even did so that I couldn't really think about Molluck for a day... It was awful... It's scary how powerful my illness can be...

But yeah, I at least need some more time for myself, even I literally spend like all my days alone already... So, no, this is not about that I stopped creating stuff, but if I feel like sharing my stuff or not after all, is it worth it...

I hope that you can understand... I have been suffering for so long... I genuinely appreciate your support but I wish to be worth it...

I hope that despite this post I can keep things as "normal" as possible, meaning that I still keep posting as usual, but I gotta see how this develops... I do not even wanna make myself sound important here, since I'm not... I'm just trying to survive here.

I just wish to be worth your time... I don't wanna waste anyone's time... Of course, no one can please everyone, but I do not wish to post garbage... My ill mind keeps telling me that it's what I do...

I really appreciate your spent time with my content since you could had done something else. I just struggle with understanding how my creations can be enjoyable... I barely like anything about them... Sometimes, I even think that Molluck deserves better than what I can create...

Yeah, I should end this post... I really wish that this was only some vent I had to write and nothing really changes here, but my mind is unpredictable... I might create that another blog, but only after I feel like it since right now, I feel too awful for such... But I hope that focusing more on my own personal Molluck stuff could help me to feel better. I love that Gluk so much that it makes no sense but love makes no sense anyway since it's not about sense and it's what bothers me... Yeah, I should just embrace the love but I keep trying to find reasons for it... Like, I should just think that it's so beautiful that (I feel like) Molluck loves me so much too and not be like what the odd is Molluck thinking when he loves me... It's so challenging to change my way of thinking, but I'm trying... I also know that it makes no sense and can be insulting when I love Molluck with my whole heart but I kinda don't let him love me back, even I need his love...

Man, mind is such a complex thing... I have so much to do before I can be finally happy... It's so overwhelming, but I try to keep going and see what life brings me after all... I'm not seeking for attention with my condition. I'm only open about this because I have to... I cannot keep this shit inside me anymore... This is the only way I'm still able to share my stuff... I feel sorry for it but the situation is just this bad... I need to vent, even I hate it...

Man, this post is such a mess but so is the situation too... But I'm trying my best here... I know that I can say conflicting things, but it's only a part of my condition... I know that some thing I say might not be wise to say out loud but I just wanna be honest and open about how I feel and how this illness affects me... I do not wish mental health issues to be a taboo topic. It can be challenging to see what I really think, but I try my best to express it. So, some things I say are only my ill thoughts, not what I really think or want.

Thank you for listening, and you are always free to talk to me. I don't really wanna tell people to go away, it's only a part of my suicidal behaviour... I wish that my next post is something positive since I do really wish to be positive here and not just cry over stuff here... I try to keep going even I do not know if it's worth it, having this blog or staying alive... I just spend lots of time on my content, but I'm mainly doing it for myself since a) no one can please everyone, b) I should enjoy my content first, and c) this is about free will to share stuff. I'm not asking anything back and that "is it worth it" is more like related to my self-hatred... I have told you how I sometimes cry in bed due to feeling like my newest post looks so crappy... Like, is it still worth keep posting if I hate my content? Well, it won't get better if I stop, and I see that my content does get better and better over time, so I guess that it's at least worth in a way that it keeps me improving my stuff. Sometimes, I notice some flaws only because I shared the thing... It's helpful still, that I see what I should do better next time, to learn stuff.

I'm genuinely grateful that you tolerate me here... I really think that this is a lovely community, but my illness wants to ruin everything for me... Even my love for Molluck...

I'm dealing with one mental hell here... But like that one saying goes, if you are going through hell, keep going. This damn hell has been, well, quite a vast place though... I dunno if I'm still in the middle of it, but I won't get out if I just cry over it... So, better walk and cry, at the same time, slowly but surely.

This post was one long ride but I feel more peaceful now, so I'm glad that I actually wrote this thing. I feel like ending this post with this quote since I do wish to keep having hope, keep fighting, even it feels like I should just give up...:

“Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” ― Winston Churchill

#molluck #oddworld molluck #molluck the glukkon #oddworld #art like a bosskie

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