#because anyone who stops and thinks about the science for 2 minutes will know it SOUNDS improbable | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

armpirate · 11 months ago

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Soundleasure | Choi San || CH. 2

Pairings: Soft!San x fem!reader || Strangers to lovers, fake dating

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, online sex, ghosting

Warnings: inexperienced!San, fem!reader, masturbation, online sex, camboy, first times.

Summary: You can do whatever you please and be whoever you want on the Internet. And San knew that a little bit too well.

After finally following all the signs the universe was throwing at him, he started living a double life that no one was aware of. Everyone in his daily life knew him as Choi San, the reserved and quiet boy who wouldn't raise his voice, and would barely communicate with anyone outside of his comfort group. But only a few knew him as Soundleasure, the man with a sexy voice and a filthy mind that had their toes curling just with his narrations.

He never thought of the possibility of those two lives ever meeting, he had always tried for them to follow a parallel route and had always played safe to keep his friends from ever suspecting that side even existed. But his plans will start to crumble when he gets a little too close with one of his subscribers and she invades his real-self and altergo's universes without being able to stop it.

Y/n will not only help him to keep his secret from his circle, but will also show him there's more of Soundleasure in him than he'd like to admit.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

Aprox. time of reading: 11 minutes

San sank on his seat, moving his pen up and down, hitting the desk a few times until the click of a tongue made him sit straight on his seat as he dropped the pen next to his notebook. The move of his finger only changed from his pen to the touchpad of his laptop on the right of his notebook.

It was his fault for opting to extend his studies and start a master degree on Computer Science that he didn't exactly need, but that he ended up doing because he didn't feel ready to jump into the wide world of work. So even if he felt bored there, he saw it as an opportunity to expand his resume, and also as extra time to get used to the real world ahead of him.

He silently sighed, looking around to find nothing before he looked back down at his screen, noticing a blue mark popping up on the lower bar. Wooyoung was reminding him and Mingi about the dinner they had agreed on having. But he knew that reminder was mainly directed at him, since Mingi never missed the chance to go out and meet new people.

Ever since Wooyoung joined a new company as an event planner, he kept meeting lots of new people. Although it seemed that he stuck to a pair of new guys in his office that he always hung around during work time.

San wasn't especially delighted about the idea of meeting them that night. He remembered the hard time he had when Mingi decided to introduce his childhood friend, Yunho, to the group, and how hard it was for him to get used to the new guy until they eventually turned closer. Or how uncomfortable it was at first when Wooyoung introduced a classmate, Yeosang, as well until he was a new member of the group.

Yeah, he certainly wasn't looking forward for that night. At least not at that moment, even if he knew that he'd be happy to have attended, just like the past two times.

Woo: You two better not make up any excuses

Woo: We're living together, so don't force me to take my friends to the dorm.

Mingi: I'm broke this month

Woo: San will pay for your stuff

He knew Wooyoung wasn't talking seriously, but it was a way to drag him into the conversation that he knew he was reading. It still made him move uncomfortably on his seat, trying to think how to answer that.

San: You're the one working and the one inviting us. You should pay for his stuff

He would be just as broke as Mingi if it weren't for Soundleasure, although his friends didn't know that.

When they met they were all just starting their degrees, and San still was in a good place that didn't force him to do much to get money to cover up what he needed. His luck was that his parents had a comfortable position that just allowed him to live like that, until he couldn't anymore.

One day, everything changed and San found himself struggling to find a job he'd be able to fit into his schedules until he saw the light with the special channel he opened almost two years back, and that his friends had no idea of. They both saw the set up in his room, shortly after they all moved in together to an apartment close to his college, but they both deduced that San was just trying to make a career as a streamer, and joked how he was failing miserably since he was still going to class. At least it was an explanation he didn't need to give -he was well aware he probably would've had a difficult time finding a good answer if his friends had ever questioned him about it without giving their suspicions away.

He silently picked all of his things as soon as the lecture was over, getting his notebook, his case and his laptop inside his bag before he was one of the firsts leaving the place. It wasn't like he was late or anything, but he just felt better walking to the next class by himself and not being followed by the huge amount of people that would be heading in the same direction after they chose to leave.

There was no explanation to him as to why it was so hard for him to socialize in general. He was quite easy going and cheerful whenever he was around his friends. His only problem was the difficult journey he had to go through to get to that phase, and that seemed more complicated than the four years he spent studying Software Engineering.

He stopped in front of the door to his next class, resting in one of the benches that were placed every few meters across the corridor. It was quite silent and peaceful, until some voices started echoing the place, and he knew more people would surely join his classmates in a matter of minutes -maybe a bit longer if they had stopped in the cafeteria.

Just staring at the white wall made him feel uncomfortable. Not for the fact that it was weird, but it did make him feel like a weirdo for some reason. So he just scrolled through his phone, finding nothing interesting in his socials, and not with enough energy to bicker with Wooyoung -who was still teasing him in the group chat.

So he chose to enter his site, which at first sight seemed like any other random social media. At least his page looked like that because he didn't post any personal videos.

San didn't know if it was his social anxiety acting up, or how uncomfortable he felt just by scrolling down his phone without looking at anything in particular, but he ended up in his general private messages. He always checked those, but it never got his attention. Most of them were greetings, or random emojis or, at most, followers asking for a dedicated video. Until he found a message that was sent the previous night.

Swancruelly was a username he had never seen in his dms before, but it sounded familiar for some reason. It wasn't until he clicked on their profile that he was aware of how long they had been following him: almost one year and a half. They were following him when he still bothered to look at every new subscriber he got, excited at how people enjoyed his work -but also at the amount of money it meant he'd get at the end of the week.

"Good video... But maybe next time you could have my moans in it"

He read the text, and read it again. And smirked at how they used the verb "can", as in a possibility for him rather than them, instead of "should". The difference was minimal from afar, but looking at it in a closer perspective made him feel attracted to it. He felt as if that person was the one he had to lust after, instead of them lusting after him.

Soundleasure: Hmm sounds like an interesting proposal

Soundleasure: But I'm afraid I'll need some time to think about it.

Y/n felt her phone buzzing over the meeting table, making some eyes turn to her as the sound was loud enough to overlap with her boss' voice for those who were sitting closer to her. Ignoring those looks, she just reached for her phone, frowning at the notification that popped up at the top of her screen, along with several emails and unread messages.

It just didn't seem real to see that text coming from him, and it had her blankly staring at her screen until she called her own attention and started typing.

Y/n: Hope it's not too much time. I have a lot of offers to consider.

—Y/n —her name sounded so serious when it came out of the well suited man heading the table, that it instantly made her sit straight in her place and look up to him—. I was asking about the issue with the suppliers.

Although her mind briefly focused on the mysterious man that made her lose her mind -and a few hundred bucks monthly-, she managed to head back to the meeting, adopting her serious professional persona as soon as she was aware of the topic of discussion.

—I contacted them earlier, and they said the issue should be solved by Friday. They were waiting on another material to be able to send the whole thing, but it seems like they'll be getting it tomorrow, and production will be back to normal.

—Great —her boss sighed—. The dealerships have been blasting my phone for the past two weeks, and they were getting tired of hearing nothing. So it's good to know. Thank you, Y/n. Anything on the new model? —he changed the topic again.

She managed to be somewhat alert on what they were saying, in case it'd end up with her speaking up again, but she couldn't help but tap over her screen so it'd light up, finding nothing but the same old notifications.

Soon when everything was done and everyone was getting ready to leave, she was stopped by an authoritative voice calling her name. Most of her colleagues left the room without looking back. They weren't really worried about her, because they knew the man behind her wouldn't do much, other than raising his eyebrow and remind her where she was.

It wasn't like it happened frequently.

Well, at least not for the same reason of that day.

—Close the door —he commanded, placing his hands on his hips—. What should I do with you? —he sighed, relaxed once they were left alone.

—I was just checking a text —she replied back—. They don't know what it is about. Besides, I work more than all of them combined. Also, they'll think this position was gifted to me either way, as if I hadn't worked my ass to be where I am...

—Y/n.

—... I've given up on holidays, I've done countless of extra hours, I've covered for some of their fuck ups. They have no right...

After being warned to stop talking and paying zero attention to the warning look and the amount of times he called her name, she was forced to stop talking when a hand covered her mouth.

—Stop —he arched his eyebrows—. Let others speak.

He could see by the way her frown deepened how annoyed she was by that. He knew her enough to know that was the only way to get her to shut up whenever she rushed talking and entered a cycle that would have no end.

—I know better than anyone else how hard you work constantly. I'm aware, and you don't need to remind me —he let go of her, poking his hands inside his pockets—. But you also need to understand you're equal to others, and I have to call you out when you do things wrong. And what you did earlier was wrong.

—Okay, but you don't know what the text was about —she shrugged—. It could be related to that problem with the providers that absolutely no one was able to solve.

—Oh, so you smile like that whenever you talk to the person that sends us the alloys? Good to know —he sighed, looking at her again—. I'm just doing it for your own good. One day, all of this will be yours, and I want all the assholes out there to respect you the same way they respect me. You're here for your hard work, but for them you're here because you're daddy's girl —he mocked the last two words—. You're doing a good job. I'm just saying you should outline some more details.

Finally giving in, she sighed while placing hers hands on her hips, exhausted over that discussion, but at the same time finding it useful. Her father was right, even if both of them didn't like it. The people from her own team, and those who were sharing a table with her earlier, didn't think of her further than the boss' daughter. It didn't matter how much work she did, or the amount of effort she poured into every detail, she was always overlooked. And the last thing those people needed were excuses to back up their annoying attitude.

—I'll do my best —she assured him—. But if I were them, I wouldn't play around either. They know one day I'll be the one in the lead, and I could kick their asses away.

—Yeah, you're not going to do that —he grimaced, gently smiling at her.

—You're right, I wouldn't do that. But all those free snacks in the kitchen... puff —she moved her hands in the air, mimicking objects vanishing.

—Seriously... —he chuckled, walking with her to the door— Just behave, show them all the great woman I've raised.

For some reason, that comment made her giggle softly and twist her body a bit, which meant she had to make an even bigger effort to hide the fact that they both had a father-daughter conversation, rather than a boss-employee one.

Their ways broke as they both headed to their own offices. Her father walked straight through the corridor, to hide behind the big black door that was secured by the table of his secretary, while she went in the opposite direction, breathing deeply when she finally closed the door to hers. She took her blazer off, hanging it over the coat rack at the left of the door, before she made her way behind her desk.

Moaning, she hid her face among her arms, curled over the surface, to enjoy the bit of darkness she wasn't allowed to due to the sunny day and the wide windows at her left.

Just like it happened with his videos, his texts also seemed to come in whenever she needed them, because her phone buzzed in the palm of her hand, making her raise her eyes over her forearm to check her screen.

Soundleasure: You were the one who sent the first text

Y/n bit her lip, holding back the excited smile -even if there was no one to hide it from. She didn't know what was the most exciting part of the whole thing. It wasn't like she had gone too much time without a similar conversation -similar in the sense of it being with a male, only, because in regards of attraction, it couldn't compare. Maybe it was the fact that, after a year and a half, she was finally talking to the voice of her pleasure.

Y/n: Because you got my attention. Imagine how lucky you are.

Soundleasure: So among all those convos, you still chose to get out of your way to reach out to me. I feel privileged.

Y/n: You should be! Now I have four more channels fighting for me. You're on a countdown.

Soundleasure: That sounds like a lot of negotiation to do, and I'm awful at that.

Y/n: I'm quite easy to convince.

Y/n: Maybe I shouldn't have said that

Soundleasure: To make the negotiation work, I should know the name of the person who's offering her moans.

Soundleasure: You know, just to make sure it is as sexy as the moans you're promising.

Y/n: I thought you'd have rathered to keep the mystery for a bit more... Y/n, that's my name.

Y/n: What about you, Soundleasure?

Soundleasure: San.

San smiled shortly, soon going back to the neutral look when he reminded he was still in class, surrounded by people and with the teacher a few meters away from him. He looked down at his phone, rereading the chat.

Y/n is definitely a name he could imagine himself moaning to.

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kick-a-long · 5 months ago

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So what is the solution then? Because I feel like a military escort going in and forcibly rebuilding things would arguably be an occupation

Although admittedly I’m not certain what the standard procedure is for helping a formerly hostile country rebuild is.

(this is going to be a long long long one because it's a problem people ignore and gloss over all the time. it drives me mad. post war humanitarian management saves lives in the short term and long term but it's been so demonized that people perfer doing nothing to attempting the right thing. long rant incoming. I apologize profusely for how long this fucker is.

skip to the red paragraphs if you want to know how many successful post war countries are rebuilt with a good source to learn more about it.

it's not just your feeling, "military escort going in and forcibly rebuilding things" is 100% an occupation. An occupation that ends (an ethical occupation of sorts) is one where the army wants to leave and wants the place to be better than when they entered it. if the IDF is in Gaza, even for the express and real purpose of rebuilding and maintaining order, they will still be there as occupation forces. ANY army that goes in to rebuild Gaza will be an occupying force. Israel can't do that and end the war at the same time. there are tons of groups and gangs in Gaza besides hamas, including civilians, who will attack them day and night to leave. There is no way anyone in the world would support the IDF occupying gaza even if they do a 100% perfect job of rebuilding it as a paradise. Not even most israeli's.

it gets even more thorny when you look at what happened to the "floating aid pier" that America tried to set up outside of Gaza that lasted all of like one day before it was shelled and destroyed. Same thing with the humanitarian crossings where Gaza militants have shelled and attacked non-stop to prevent civilians and deserters from escaping Gaza and the war. you can see how other muslim/Arab countries like Iraq, now a terrible place to live under the Taliban, faired when America tried to reestablish their gov during the 20 years of fighting. the minute they left: brain drain, huge loss of rights, and a dysfunctional government. One of the huge tragedies about both Iraq and Iran is that they have long and storied cultures and legacies of scholarship, engineering, science, literature and art. both countries have been hobbled by theocratic authoritarians and violent extremists.

there are basically no countries who know how to operate safely in that area, and even fewer who want to. Egypt is the closest to being able but they wouldn't want to touch gaza with a 10 mile long pole. Egypt has pragmatic reasons for this. it is in a balancing act between normalizing relations with the western govs (EU, USA, etc) while not pissing off the rest of the middle east, which will respond by funding terrorism in Egypt like the muslim brotherhood to destabilize their gov and turn the country into another Iraq.

worse still, any aid that goes in without an occupying force overseeing it's use (food, construction material, water pipes, anything you can think of to make Gaza livable to a 21st century standard) will get stolen by one of those gangs I mentioned and either smuggled out and sold in foreign countries or used to build weapons and war infrastructure.

1. it's the best way to get money in gaza/ fund your group's fight for control of the strip since there are very limited/tightly controled opportunities to make a living and

2. countries outside of Gaza (iran, russia, aka the countries that hate the western hegemony) will pay these groups hansomely to attack israel. they need to keep Gaza dependent and poor for this to work and to maintain it as a military position (not just against israel but also as a disruption to the EU and America.)

basically any aid group that doesn't allow post-Hamas militants near total control over their operations would be killed and attacked nonstop.

there's a lot of antisemitism and racism in continuing to fund UNRWA (you don't see nearly the same level of support given to african countries's refugees or non arab refugees from the middle east for example) but it's also a situation where if any aid is given at all it will be under the near total control and disposal of Iranian (or whoever) backed terrorist cells.

it seems increasingly clear that while Gaza civilians still HATE Israel and the population are near total antisemites they also don't want their kids becoming militants. they don't want to be in a war against a military that outmatches them 100 times over either. they don't want them and their families to live in misery for the rest of their lives to prove a point. unfortunately due to their location and history, Gazan civilians don't have much choice in the matter anymore. they have no export or import of goods with the middle east because no one wants the terrorism they bring, and israel (the only country willing to give men and woman work visas so they can earn money outside of hamas controlled avenues) isn't going to let them enter for the foreseeable decades.

Oct 7th wasn't your average terror attack. it was a slaughter. those work visa's were used to case the communist die hard peace activist kibitzes in the south so Hamas basically had a census as well as house layouts when they attacked.

another fuck up is that Gazan's aren't going to be getting refugee status anywhere that has a well set up system to deal with them any time soon. Spain recognized Gaza as a country and walked it back within a day or two because they would be required to take in gazan refugees under international laws and agreements.

So......

No one invested in ending the nearly 100 years of hostilities can go into gaza. No one invested in ending the forever war can get out. Israel (which has enough incentive to rebuild Gaza for pragmatic reasons alone let alone international reputation reasons, you know... so terrorists will stop trying to kill them every day and countries will stop boycotting them) can't be anywhere near them after the war even if they wanted to, which they certainly don't.

at this point i would assume not even Iran wants control or rebuilding in Gaza. their presumed new leader, after ol' Eli Kopter killed the last asshole, says he's more moderate. He has to deal with all the domestic unrest in Iran aka women getting kidnapped, raped, and murdered by the morality police and internal assassination threats. He has a tough job ahead. Either changing the morality police or ramping their activity up secretly, and keeping the people who already have power in Iran happy. Either way he isn't going to be making any friends by throwing cash at Gaza. lots of Iranian civilians support Israel (kinda sorta, it's complicated) and a lot of economic forces are pushing towards strenghening export and import (which is hard if you are under sanctions and if everyone thinks you are just transporting weapons. Aka storing weapons for hezbolla at the Lebanon airport. you know, Lebanon? the country where a Russian container ship filled with AMFO fertilizer was left docked for several years because of gov incompetence? the tanker that blew up most of Beirut in the most destructive explosion ever durring peace time.)

when I say I believe the situation is FUCKED, this is what I'm talking about. there is no exit strategy. there is no avoiding the famine and disease that will decimate Gaza a year from now with no soft end date. and the people it will fuck over the most? Gazans and Israelis. the whole world is at fault in my opinion for letting it get this bad through inaction and malicious intent. Israelis were the only ones trying to deescalate this and now they have absolutely no reason to think it helped in the first place. in fact all their work towards peace just made it worse.

anyway... it's just totally fucked. The news won't report on israel and gaza in three years, but it's only going to get worse.

famine and broken infrastructure kill far more civilians in the aftermath of war. occupying forces are stationed in defeated countries in part to prevent the worst of it. because if you don't you get rearming and piles of dead. positive examples are in japan and germany after WW2, south korea after the Korean war. negative examples are Germany after WW1, Cambodia killing fields, Ukraine's capture by Stalin.

if you want to know how countries in the past were successfully rebuilt start here:

the standard way to rebuild a country (read or watch interveiws with Sara Paine. She's a military historian with a focus on the humanitarian and pragmatic reasons for going to war, conducting wars, and rebuilding countries after a war has been fought. why both sides have a pragmatic reason to "play fair" and help the loser rebuild.) is very hit or miss. it basically starts when the war starts.

during the war you can't be so brutal to the population (combatants or civilians) that they really hate your guts. kind of a "fight fair" approach. you can't be too nice/condescending either or they won't respect that you won. basically they will think they have a shot to rearm and that's not good. you can't put them on "death ground" meaning you can't make losing the war equivalent to their total destruction/ slavery. you have to win totally but not rub their noses in it. no rape. no looting. no targeting women and children. no kidnapping children. no torture. no humiliation for fun or psychological warfare. no human experimentation (looking at you japan and germany.) you can try to create good relationships with the population but you have to back that up by defending the people who will work with you from reprisals.

After the war is over You first help the population establish a national identity and national pride outside of warfare. Pride and national cohesion are usually destroyed by losing a war and seeing your countrymen exploit and turn on each other as resources get thin. you never want to fight a war where you are unusually cruel during or after the war to the loser because that resentment will never go away. Germany was penalized so harshly for WW1 that it fucked their economy and national pride so bad they started WW2. Then you either rebuild institutions from the top down or the bottom up. top down is like post war japan which already had a national identity and institutions, so those just needed support. bottom up is like where you have a firmly established police force keeping the average person safe from gangs and organized crime and work from there to build the rest of the gov.

(this paragraph is mostly my own opinion. read sara paine for a more accurate take with better nuance. Bottom up is more china's thing because they like to enforce Chinese culture as well as exclusive ownership of trade/resources. China does what it does for the benefit of china, whatever and whoever is "china" is usually in flux. America likes top down (which hasn't worked since south korea) because they like keeping the original cultures and institutions intact (it's cheap and looks better to their allies) as well as semi complete trade/resource control. if they aren't in control they usually require veto power or systems in place to control who works with who. Russia does neither. they want land and any economic benefit from it is incidental. they are perfectly happy to kill a population and use the occupied area as a garbage dump. they take over places for national pride and to swing their dicks at the EU and the US. this wasn't the case for the entirety of the USSR but Putin got them right back on the historical norm of tzarist Russian dick swinging.)

The key term to rebuilding a nation is "institution building." you want to keep the institutions that work, working. you want to establish institutions that aren't there already. the order changes depending on the occupation force but the things the occupiers want (if they ever want to leave which is usually the cheaper and sustainable way) are

1. a written constitution/list of citizen's rights upheld by the new gov that is more generous to the population than the prev war time government.

2. a competent and uncorrupt police force that follows the lead of

3. an unbiased judiciary that treats citizens (even minorities) relatively equally and fairly, which follows the laws of

4. a functional law making apparatus that serves the interests of the people without fucking over any fringe group or the occupying force too bad.

5. a leader that the people support but also doesn't want to rearm and restart war efforts. this is a tricky one because they can't be a puppet of the occupiers or such an asshole that they piss off fringe groups and get assassinated when the occupiers leave.

6. favorable economic relationships to the occupying force and its' allies (favorable for the occupied country so they can generate jobs, and reliable income to pay for rebuilding the place themselves.)

A lot of rebuilding a country comes down to the population's mentality. To rebuild a country it's people need to trust that the new government has their best interests at heart. They have to believe in a future. They need to trust the currency. They need to believe that there is a road to improving their economic situation. They need to see themselves as a united people. They need to believe they can maintain their independence and culture. They need to have a desire to rebuild and actively participate if not primarily direct it. there needs to be incentives for the vital professional classes (lawyers, doctors, teachers, engineers, detectives, reporters, politicians) to stay and help shape and maintain the country.

young men need jobs that are definitely going to pay (whether that's in bonds or foreign currency so inflation/deflation of local currency doesn't screw them over.) There needs to be education and support systems for kids, orphans, widows, disabled vets, old folks. the actual market needs to be sufficient so a black market doesn't become the defacto source of goods. free food is good, creating a system where people can work to buy what they need is better. there need to be taxes collected from people who can and should pay so big money doesn't corrupt the system in it's infancy. there need to be workers, managers and bureaucrats. it's a lot of enforcement and it's a balancing act to prevent making too many enemies or the whole thing spirals into civil war and other bullshit. Some governments do this by cracking down HARD on a populace but with enough carrots to make the avoidable and predictable sticks worth putting up with. some governments foster self determination and are mainly enforcers at the direction of the new gov they support (america... which has mixed results producing some of the best and worst post war outcomes.)

but Gaza has no chance. No country wants to rebuild it. A majority of Gazan's don't want it changed and don't have the power to rebuild it into something else if they did. Palestinians have no allies that want them to change. Their national identity and economy IS war. Since the 1960s, thats for 60 years, the Palestinian identity is that of a homeless refugee population that believes the world is promised to the violent fighters who follow islamist rule. they have no non-millitary institutions to rebuild. their schools are for war, their civilian housing is for war, their hospitals are for war, their social security is for war, child birth, at least for hama's leaders, is to birth fighters or birth more wombs to produce fighters. a huge percent of, if not all, professional educated gazan workers in gaza are a part of/working with the gazan military aka hamas.

if Gaza ever did "win" and take over Israel, they would immediately go to war with themselves... or Lebanon or Egypt or Jorden because the stated goal of Hamas is effectively islamist world domination. They currently have nothing else to produce as a country. If left to it's own devices, which it will be unless some government has the moral clarity and brass balls to do it, the civilians in gaza are trapped in that national identity. The groups with the education, knowledge, guns, supplies, outside funding, and power are keeping it that way.

#gaza #rebuilding gaza #institution building #sara paine #if anyone knows better please contribute #im not a historian im just a nerd

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clairelsonao3 · 1 year ago

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15 Questions Tag Game

If I do one tag game a day, maybe I can get caught up by the end of the summer! 😅

Thanks to @enne-uni whose post is here and @tabswrites whose post is here!

Rules: answer the questions below as yourself and/or your OC.

I've already answered for myself in an earlier post, so I'm going to quiz my two MCs from Good Slaves Never Break the Rules together.

1. Are you named after anyone?

Him: Um, I'll have to get back to you on that.

Her: My paternal grandfather was named Louis and my maternal grandfather was named Daniel, so I'm Louisa Danielle.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Him: I pretty much stopped crying around four or five. As a slave, you learn early on that crying won't help and usually only makes things worse.

Her: Five minutes ago when I dropped my phone.

3. Do you have kids?

Her. No.

Him: Oh, hell, no.

Her: But you're open to it someday, right?

Him: Uh, let's talk about this later.

4. Do you use sarcasm?

They both look at each other and laugh.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Him: Whether they're a slave or not — that's kind of important. After that, I pay attention to the way they speak and carry themselves, and whether I think they can be trusted — or manipulated. If it comes to that!

Her: Their eyes. And whether they seem kind.

6. What's your eye color?

Him: I believe it was once described as "somewhere between amber and gold."

Her: Gray.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Him: Scary movies.

Her: Happy endings.

8. Any special talents?

Him: Where do I start? Science of course, but also languages, music, mechanics, computer coding, acting, rhetorical persuasion ...

Her: Oh come on, you're making me feel bad.

Him: Now I'll do yours. Compassion, courage, problem-solving, standing up for what's right ...

Her: I feel better now.

9. Where were you born?

Him: Luxembourg City.

Her: Phoenix, Arizona.

10. What are your hobbies?

Him: Piano, chess, reading — mostly about science, but I'm discovering literature isn't as pointless as I thought it was. Not like I ever have time for proper hobbies, anyway.

Her: Reading, crossword puzzles, traveling. and back when I could afford it, fashion and shopping.

11. Do you have any pets?

Him: Never, but I've always secretly wanted a dog.

Her: We used to have an English setter named Artemis. She was actually my brother's, but I loved her.

12. What sports do you play/have played?

Him: Growing up, I played football with some of the local kids. Real football, not that weird American football.

Her: Tennis, and I have a sailing certification, though I don't really have the head for knots and rigging. Daddy's been trying to drag me out onto the golf course since I could walk, but I told him I can hold out longer than he can.

13. How tall are you?

Him: 188 centimeters. That's 6'2" for you Americans.

Her: 5'6".

Him: That's 167 centimeters.

Her: Thanks for that.

Him: No problem.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Him: For the sake of this question, let's pretend I went to school. Chemistry, physics, and maths.

Her: English, biology, and French.

15. Dream job?

Him: Rocket scientist.

Her: Brain surgeon.

Both: We're not kidding!

Gently tagging:

@coffeexafterxmidnight @silverslipstream @rubywrite

@romanceandshenanigans Not sure you do tag games, but I'd love to get to know your MCs better if so!

Also OPEN TAG because I don't know who has and hasn't done this yet, or maybe they want to do it for a character they haven't done it for yet!

#15 questions #tag game #gsnbtr #my writing #writeblr

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anangelcalledinquisitor · 2 years ago

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I posted 13,563 times in 2022

That's 5,076 more posts than 2021!

260 posts created (2%)

13,303 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@zaidnovi

@ebonykain

@theluckythreeleafclover

@dgcakes

@ibijau

I tagged 2,597 of my posts in 2022

#the inquisitor speaks - 184 posts

#holding the world - 148 posts

#my writing - 106 posts

#moon/sun/reader - 92 posts

#raising starlings - 81 posts

#talking about my writing - 40 posts

#fnaf moon - 32 posts

#svsss - 31 posts

#fnaf security breach - 30 posts

#fnaf sb - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#because some things i get flustered about writing and i don't know if you're ever like stop looking for ten minutes this part's embarrassin

My Top Posts in 2022:

I hate it when you’re trying to write something and you only have like... a passing knowledge of the thing you’re writing? and your brain screeches to a halt and like...

DOES DJ MUSIC MAN HAVE A FUCKING VOICE??? I can’t watch any more video playthroughs because someone else controlling the camera tends to give me motionsickness... Can anyone just answer this question for me? I don’t want to play tonight (because I’ll be here all fucking night) and I want to finish this chapter so I can go to the zoo tomorrow without feeling guilty, and this scene won’t... leave... me... alone...

@twinanimatronics @dana-chan-the-control-brain @femme-enby (I don’t know who all might be able to answer this and/or might be awake, you can ignore my screaming into the void

91 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

I read your fic today and I just ADORE IT.

So I made you some doodles...hope you like em!

This one is based off that "husky saying no" tiktok. Because I think the further along Y/N gets, the more his security protocols demand he guard her instead of the Pizzaplex.

Bonus doodle:

See the full post

114 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

Me: I'm just going to finish Security Breach and see how it goes from here.

Me: oh i can explore a little better now with the mods! Let's get a good look all around the daycare, for science.

Me: OH NO THERE'S AN ELEVATOR IN THE DAYCARE! I made my YN take the stairs their whole pregnancy for no reason...

Me, sees the elevators are all out of order: .... That tracks.

124 notes - Posted July 17, 2022

To my writer moots (and artist moots and all ND folks too), I'm just curious if I'm weird about this:

Does anyone else take screenshots of the nice things people have said about your stuff, to like read later, especially when dealing with feelings of imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and the feelings of "i should just delete all my stuff online, it's all terrible and no one actually likes it and no one has said anything because they're all too nice about it"?

(but then i reread comments and like??? That many people can't be wrong, right??? And these are just the ones on the final chapter, not including the ones on any of the other 25 chapters)

See the full post

124 notes - Posted July 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Precious Time (future scene for Holding the World, my indulgent FNAF Security Breach AU with a pregnant reader and super sweet boys). This picture is going to be in a future chapter, and a version of it is in the Bad Ending that i posted, though in that version, Sun cut moon out of the picture. I might do both, haven't decided yet. Sitting at work, i can sort of work on writing but some of it just has to wait until I get home.

(bald Moon bald Moon bald Moon bald -)

146 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Oh wow I post a lot

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365daysofj2 · 2 years ago

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Objectively, You’re Awesome (Library Boys, 31/?)

Jensen has his interview with the Middletown Library’s Board of Directors at 10:00 am, and Jared knows he’s freaking out. He’s doing it over Zoom, and he’ll be able to type answers to their questions, but Jensen’s worried that the Board won’t like doing it that way, and they’ll pass him up for someone who did a normal interview.

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Jared tries to assure him. Jensen’s sitting on the couch, still in his pajamas, drinking a cup of hot tea that Jared made for him. “I can’t believe there’s anyone who applied who’s more qualified and has more experience than you. I feel like we would know about someone like that.”

Jensen nods, but he doesn’t look convinced. Jared pats his knee. “Just be yourself. You got this. You are absolutely the best person for the job—just be confident and show them what you’ve got.”

Jensen picks up the dry-erase board. I know you’re right, he writes. I just need this so badly. He shows it to Jared and then erases it to have more room to write. I don’t want to seem desperate.

“Look, you’re one hell of a librarian. You’re a great supervisor, you have excellent people skills, and you have extensive experience in crisis management,” says Jared. “You’ve got what they need and then some. So just tell them that.”

Jensen nods. Jared takes a sip of his own coffee and eats the other half of a bagel he toasted earlier. “You need something to eat. Do you want oatmeal or scrambled eggs?”

Jensen writes oatmeal, please on the board. Jared goes out into the kitchen and makes Jensen some instant brown sugar cinnamon oatmeal. He slices a banana and puts it on top, then feeds the end to Max, who’s just waking up. Jared gives Jensen the bowl and then takes Max out on his leash. He plans to walk Max around the complex while Jensen’s doing his interview so Jensen won’t be distracted, so he takes Max in after just a few minutes.

Jensen eats slowly, and after fifteen minutes he’s finished half the oatmeal and all of the banana slices. He hands the bowl to Jared, indicating that he’s done. Jared isn’t happy—Jensen needs to eat to keep his strength up. But he knows Jensen’s too wired to eat, so he lets it go. He scrapes it out in the kitchen and rinses it off before popping it in the dishwasher. He’s so grateful to live in a house with a dishwasher now. His old apartment didn’t have one, and he hated washing dishes by hand. Now he occasionally washes a skillet or saucepan, but most other stuff goes in the dishwasher, and it saves him so much time.

There’s still about an hour before Jensen has to log into Zoom, so Jared picks up the TV remote. “You want to listen to the new ‘You’re Wrong About’ podcast?”

Jensen nods. Jared pulls up Spotify on the Roku box and chooses the new episode, which appears to be part 2 of 3. It’s about the book Go Ask Alice, which Jared has heard of but didn’t know a lot about before the first podcast. Jensen knew more about it because it had been a topic in one of his library science classes due to its unique and oft-changed classification within the Library of Congress catalogue. It was originally categorized as nonfiction despite actually being fictional, but that controversy hasn’t come up yet.

They have to turn it off during the conclusion because Jensen has to log in for his interview. Jared hugs Jensen and gives him a short, sweet kiss. “Good luck. Not that you need it. You got this.”

Jensen nods and takes a deep breath. Jared goes and gets Max leashed up and ready to go. He passes by Jensen and squeezes his shoulder. “I love you. Kick it in the ass.”

Jensen logs into Zoom on his laptop and mouths “I love you” to Jared. Jared blows him a kiss and heads out the front door with Max.

The complex isn’t that big, but the whole thing is one big hill. Jared takes Max up the hill to the stop sign and lets him sniff around behind the condos at that end. Then they go down the hill and around the cul-de-sac, where they encounter two tiny terriers. Max startles when they both start barking furiously at him. Jared quickly guides Max across the street to the mailboxes and kneels down beside him. He pets him and speaks softly to him until the terriers go on their way down to Presidents Drive. Jared takes Max back up the hill and around the dead end until he spots the terriers going back into their townhouse. Then he takes Max back down around the condos next to theirs. He checks his watch. It’s been about 25 minutes, so he probably needs to stay out another 20 minutes or so to be safe. He takes Max all the way down the Presidents Drive hill and back up. Luckily, they don’t meet any other dogs.

Jensen has his laptop closed when Jared and Max enter the house. “How did it go?” asks Jared.

Jensen responds with a thumbs-up and a smile. It’s not his thousand watt special, but it’s encouraging.

Jared gives Max a treat and lets him slurp up some water. “I knew you could do it,” Jared tells Jensen. “I’m glad it went well.”

Jensen writes on the board. They said they should decide next week.

“Good, that means you won’t have to wait too long.” Jared sits down next to Jensen on the couch and puts his arm around his shoulders. “They’d have to be crazy to pass you up.”

Jensen grins and erases the board. You’re biased.

“I can be objective,” protests Jared. “And objectively, you’re fucking awesome.”

Jensen leans up and kisses Jared. “Thank you,” he whispers.

“You’re welcome,” Jared replies, and kisses him again, short and sweet.

#365daysofj2 #j2 au #j2 fanfic #library boys #librarian jensen #Library AU

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wromwood · 2 years ago

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Ten First Lines

Rules: Share the first line of ten of your most recent fanfics and then tag ten people. Don’t have ten? Not to worry, just share what you have.

tagged by @the--highlanders

... OK, here’s the thing. I haven’t written fanfic in a WHILE, mostly due to focusing on my own original creative projects. So instead, I will share a handful of first lines from fanfic (basically stopping at a point that I deem too far in the past), and then fill out the rest with the first lines of completed original stories that I’ve written for workshops, etc.

1. Mad Science (Doctor Who)

“I’m terribly sorry, but I still don’t understand why we have to go down here.”

2. Found Freddy (FNaF) (oh god, I’m never gonna finish this one, am I?)

On her tenth birthday, Hazel had gotten what she had always wanted.

3. Still Hot (LotR)

Sam carefully lifted the hot pie out of the oven and placed it on the windowsill.

4. Dungeons and Dragons and Dad (Stranger Things)

For the first time in five minutes, Will stopped rolling his twenty-sided die.

Aaaaaand that’s basically everything since 2019. Now onto the original fiction!

5. 2 O'clock Dark (University workshop story)

As much as it pains me to admit it, the strongest memory I have of the city of Edinburgh happened because of a booty call.

6. Out-of-Towners (Submission for university thingie)

I saw him one October afternoon when I was in the sitting area of Waverly Station, where people settle into uncomfortable metal seats and kill time with books they picked up at the nearby WHSmith before their trains arrive.

7. Star-Crossed (University workshop story)

“You’ve got stars here.”

8. My Hero (University workshop story)

Viggo’s cheeks were dangerously warm as he stomped out of the bodega, vowing never to step foot there again.

9. The Man with Wild Hair (University workshop story)

You know the man this story is about.

10. The Perfect Man (a short story that was actually published in an anthology!)

This wasn’t the first time I had chased someone away.

Hmmm, only some of these lines sound cool out of context. Still, this was fun to do! I can’t think of anyone else to tag in turn who wasn’t already tagged, but thanks for letting me do this!

#This is me #Tag games #the--highlanders

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canidfeline · 6 months ago

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107 - PAGE THREE

X-107 walked with the Director, her opening the doors in front of them and letting him go first before standing behind him.

D: ''Now, X. I know you don't love water or being bathed, but this bath is going to be very good for you, okay? And, it will make me proud. You like making me proud, hm?''

X nodded, staring at the big vat of water in the middle of the room, glancing up over at the balcony overlooking it, his head tilting. Which the Director picked up on.

D: ''Don't worry. That's just for me and some other science people to watch so the bath doesn't go wrong. You know better than anyone that when you get stronger, you need to be hurt first.''

The boy's stare went empty for a second before just nodding.

D: ''Now, I want you to get in that bath and lay done on that small little table in it. I'll tell you when it's about to lower.''

He nodded again, walking over to the vat and dropping himself onto the little block on it, laying down as he gazes down at his bare chest, an eyebrow raising at the strange little surgical markings he's had drawn on him.

The Director walked up a set of stairs and into a room on it overlooking, what is basically X-107's operating table.

S1: ''Vibranium deposits are full and ready to deploy, Miss.''

S2: ''Mechanisms and everything also.''

D: ''Good.''

She leaned forward to a telecom in the 'office', turning it on.

D: ''3, 2, 1.''

Guards lined the balconies as a button was pressed, lowering X-107 into the water as the needles above him started whirring. His eyes widened with fear as before he could growl for assistance, a rebreather was forced over his mouth and nose by another mechanism. Four automatic cuffs under his limbs locking over them before he could flail them.

All fake emotions and lies of affection and love were stripped from the Director as she looked down upon the experiment below her. Because that's all he was.

D: ''Do it.'' She commanded of a scientist before he nodded, pressing a few buttons and switching levers.

The needles descended up X-107's body, his knees kicking and his body wriggling as he attempted to avoid them.

Despite his efforts, the needles dug into his skin, scraping and stabbing into his bones before beyond-boiling-hot metal began to seep under his skin, weighing him and his attempts to get out down.

Muffled screams, squeals and howls came from under the water. Infrared monitors in the Director's office showed the metal settling onto and into the teen's bones.

Seconds felt like minutes and minutes were too long. Screams died out as a heart monitor in the Director's office came from over 220 beats per minute to 0 in a matter of seconds. The boy's breath slowed to a stop.

D: ''W- no, that's impossible. He can't die.'' The Director mumbled under her breath, glancing from the monitor to the clone below.

Scientists stood up from their seats to peer out the window and guards leaned over the balcony. The clone that had been shot, subdued and sedated all to no effect died from too much pain.

--/\

--/\--/\/\-

The monitor beeped once, twice. Four times.

The Director took a deep breath as a 'proud'. excited smirk curled her lips.

D: ''Good... yes... good, X.''

S1: ''I'm surprised he's alive. The vibranium's still burning, look at the infrareds.''

D: ''Who cares if he's hurt? He's alive, that's all that matters.

The boy's hearing was one of the first senses to come back, he heard the guards' gasps of surprise and scientists' breaths of relief.

A guard came through the door to the office, clearing his throat.

G: ''What do we do when he wakes up, Miss? I know I'm not a scientist, but I don't think his mind's gonna be in the right place after that.

D: ''His healing will be in overdrive to try and soothe the internal burns. A large enough dose of an M99 bullet should take him down. For an hour, at least.

D: ''Erase his memory too,'' She said, turning a scientist leaning over a computer. ''we don't want him to retain any knowledge of any abuse. We need his trust.''

The teen's ears perked up. They were in separate rooms, but his hearing was sharp.

The pain, the rage, and the betrayal he felt boiled over him. Every piece of metal shook in the room before he ripped the gas mask off his face, deploying his sharper, shinier and burning claws, cutting wires and the mechanism above him as a hungry roar erupted from him, a few needles still stuck in his chest.

Guards gasped again, out of fear. Scientists held their breath, out of fear.

The Director's breath quickened, near hyperventilating. Out of fear.

The Director stared at the guard that came into the office, doing a shooing motion.

D: ''WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! SEDATE HIM! NOW!''

The guard loaded his M99-infused bullets before running out of the office and shooting one at the clone.

All that came from the shot was light metal hitting harder metal.

A roar.

----------------------------END OF PART ONE.--------------------------

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spirituallyyellow · 7 months ago

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14/5/24 pt 2

I told my therapist about the conversation with my supervisor and she said, “I’m surprised you didn’t cry,” and I said, “I’m still trying to appear functional to him, I barely know him still.”

My stomach made the most ungodly sounds the whole fucking time and then she said, “I wonder if you’re having gut problems, and that’s making it harder for your brain to release serotonin.” Because of some gut science thing or whatever. I said yes, maybe that was it but in my heart I know it’s because I had two (2!) bowls of cereal yesterday and I’m lactose intolerant. I haven’t had cereal in like three years.

I knew what I was doing as well. I poured the milk and thought, “This is gonna be a pretty miserable 24 hours for my entire digestive system,” and then before the second, “I don’t actually give a shit.”

Ironic, considering the effects of me eating dairy.

I spent the entire therapy session crying. From beginning to end. And then when it was two minutes left, we booked in the next one, and I got up, walked out the door and stopped crying immediately. Walked to the bus stop as though I’d never even heard of emotions. But I know it was probably written all over my face. Those kinds of things always are.

I think I have to stop thinking of myself as someone who doesn’t cry, because I have done a very significant amount of it in the past year and a half. At a certain point it stops being an anomaly, you know?

I'm editing this post later to keep writing because I don't want to do three separate posts for one day. It doesn't really matter, I guess, but it matters to me.

My therapist asked me what was stopping me from reaching out, and I said I didn't want to feel like I was attention-seeking, and I didn't want to talk about how I was feeling, not really. She said I didn't have to talk about my feelings if I didn't want to, that talking to friends isn't like therapy, and also maybe I was seeking attention because I need attention.

That's the sort of thing I would say to one of my clients, but I don't really believe it myself. People don't respond that way when you reach out. Or maybe they do at first, but it stops eventually.

If I were my own therapist, I'd probably comment something like, it sounds like you don't believe your friends are actually nice people, but I think my real belief is that people have a very limited amount of love and time, and I'm not worth much of it. I just don't really believe that anyone can really love me.

N is really patient with me about this, but even he gets exasperated sometimes when he says he loves me and I ask him why. Or what does he love. We've been married for sixteen and a half years and I still don't really believe he loves me. This is irrational, and I know it, but there is even still a part of me that truly believes that he forgets I exist when he doesn't physically see me.

This was not helped when he asked me if I wanted him to leave me after he got arrested. In fact, it activated all that shitty anxious-insecure attachment bullshit, because the day before I had in fact been thinking maybe I wanted to split up, and then as soon as he suggested it, I got really, really clingy for a couple of days. I don't think he recognised it, because I was still really angry with him, but I was constantly texting, calling, asking him how he was doing and what he was thinking, all that stuff for probably about two or three days.

And then when he said he wanted to stay with me and stay together, I immediately pushed him away again. God, it was so chaotic and awful.

Anyway, my therapist said that she thinks my aversion to anything that seems like attention-seeking is trauma related. Like some kind of reaction to being passively (or actively, sometimes) taught that my needs were not important and that needing attention was especially bad because there were always more important things going on. I remember kind of being glad when I got really sick or had to go to the hospital or something because at least someone was paying attention to me and I wasn't even in trouble.

She asked me recently if I was frightened of doctors - that couldn't be further from the reality. I love doctors. I love hospitals. I have the most overwhelming sensation of calm and safety and Things Are Being Done when I'm in hospitals. I remember one time N and I were going for a short walk together in Plymouth and we saw an ambulance open, and the paramedics were loading the patient in and I said to N, "Oh, I just felt so homesick just then."

I vividly remember so many different occasions of watching Grandmother or Mom getting loaded into ambulances. Or Grandmother being brought home in one after her dialysis. At one point, we knew every single paramedic by name. I remember one time, one of them was loading Grandmother onto the gurney and she was in a lot of pain and he very gently brushed his hand over her forehead and it was such a loving gesture that I felt weird about seeing someone else love my grandmother.

When she died, a couple of the nurses from the ward she was usually admitted to saw on the computer I guess, and they came down and found my mom and dad to give them hugs. I wasn't there - me, and L and W were at home, nervously watching Friends because we knew, deep down, that something bad had happened. When Mom and Dad got home and they told us, we all just crumpled up for about three minutes before we started cleaning the house, getting ready for all the people that would drop by the next day. We started cleaning just before midnight and I have no idea when we stopped.

Years later, I was living in Stoke and I had the kids, and L was living with us while going to grad school, I had a migraine that had lasted twelve days and I finally had to call the NHS advice line and they sent an ambulance out to me. I asked my sister to look after the kids and she said of course, and I sneaked out to hide from the kids while I waited for the ambulance because I didn't want them to see me getting into it. They arrived and I was sat on my front stoop and I remember looking up at them and I said, "I'm so sorry to call you out for something like this, but I'm hurting so badly I don't know how to cope anymore," and I cried.

The older paramedic helped me up and into the ambulance, and he talked the younger guy through whatever paperwork stuff they were doing. I had my eyes closed because everything hurt so much, and then the older paramedic put his hands on my forehead. He'd had them resting against the outside of the van the whole time he'd been talking so that they would be really cold and then he put them on me to help with the pain. I just remember whispering, "thank you, thank you, thank you so much" and then throwing up because it was almost like it hurt to be cared for like that.

0 notes

panchams · 11 months ago

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long time, no see

happy 2024! the website layout on here has changed so dramatically that i can barely recognize it. i hate to admit that it took me a couple of minutes to find my followers...

anyways, hey! it's been a while. i jumped ship off of here... god... who knows how long that was? i genuinely feel like it was a permanent move circa 2015. but that's not what im here to talk about.

after the loss of twitter circles, i've struggled finding a place to put my thoughts. don't worry, this blog definitely won't be it but i thought it would be fun to put a little reflection on here as my final post (probably forever?) on this funny blogging website that i decided to use back in 2009 (I'm pretty sure my archives go that far back.... which is certainly something i cherish to see how much I've changed)

so many of you either have known me as eddie, edward, mukuro, bajime, hajime..... lord knows this list goes on. im eddie! or if you want to use my online user, i go by haunter now. a lot has changed since i stopped using this platform regularly! i think i hard quit tumblr maybe around 2016? you can see on my profile that i came back and reblogged some things, but i think it was around the time of my twitter bot's birth (@nintendoqt) when i really stopped using it permanently.

i'm writing this as a reflection of where i've been and where i came from when i first started using this funny website. im officially a couple of months away from graduating college with a bachelors in computer science! that means I'll be a real deal certified software engineer this coming may.

but don't you worry! i got some real time experience as a software engineer last year, right before my senior year began. i worked as a software engineer for the military/government! yeah, that's right... tumblr user Panchams was a military scientist (intern, but it counts). crazy right? and in just a couple of months i'll be hitting the biggest milestone of my life so far which is college graduation.

back when i began this blog, it was towards the end of 2009 and my myspace girlfriend at the time karina recommended i join because the community from our beloved myspace was jumping ship. i jumped in and well, the rest is history.

2009 eddie was a fidgity, undiagnosed autistic relentless kid. it's kind of crazy looking back on that era because i'm so proud of kid me going out of my way to socialize by going to conventions at every possible event he could go to. i would even wear cosplay and force myself out of my comfort zone to talk and take pictures with complete strangers.

to summarize my academic journey to save some space here, i really sucked at math. my math classes were so horrible, i actually got placed senior year in high school in the lowest math possible for seniors (something like college math help course or something, while the other kids were doing calc 1 or 2). but look at me now, baby! i went from pre-algebra all the way to calculus 2 in college, as well as discrete mathematics (possibly the hardest math class anyone outside of a math degree could ever take). i passed them all! it wasn't easy. i failed calculus 1 on my first try. my community college professor even told our entire class in a very vague way that we should commit suicide via bullet if we didn't pass it cuz we would never pass if we couldn't pass his class lol.

caught myself yapping there for a second. anyways, i really just wanted to say that i was a fidgety autistic child with such huge dreams and wonders. you can see throughout my entire blog's lifecycle that i've felt a special connection to characters like pokemon's red, sasuke from naruto, mukuro from katekyo, cloud from final fantasy 7 et etc.... you get it!

i think my life could've easily been one of complacency and laziness. after all, i am the only one in my immediate family to have attended college or even be in STEM whatsoever. my father was a horse trainer and my mom did random odd jobs/cleaning jobs as a kid. i could've easily been stuck forever in poverty and never aspired to do anything with my life. outlets like tumblr, gaia, twitter, youtube, the list goes on but these shaped me in ways that i am beyond thankful for.

as well as pokemon and the other games i mentioned, they gave me a lifeline. those characters i hooked onto as a kid which basically shaped how my personality is... i genuinely wouldn't have it any other way.

what is blud yapping about!!!! i end this weird ramble yapping session to update where my life is and where im headed. I've mentioned graduation (LETS FUCKING GOOO!) but i am beyond excited to be a big boy software engineer (no intern in the title!)

i'm pining for the bay area after graduation. i know, i sound like a lunatic going straight to san francisco as a new grad but.... you only live once! how cliche right, a new software dev moving to san francisco... the story writes itself.

don't worry, i have backup plans! if i can't make enough I'll be sure to live amongst the cows in arkansas (maybe oregon?! who knows.) big things are coming into my life, an entire chapter of my life finishing (the college years? academy saga?) and i'm just happy that i kept pushing. i'm glad i kept trucking on and will have some form of a tangible life that i will create with my own two hands.

happy new years! i don't think anyone will read this but... thank you! thanks tumblr for everything. maybe one day I'll go through and read my #priv or whatever i used to signify as my private posts here eventually. that day won't be today, but maybe when im in my SF apartment?!

have a great year, a great life, and so on. i don't think I'll ever update this blog again. thanks for everything and much love from me!

linktr.ee/haunterz

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firehousewithaview · 2 years ago

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6x11 Reactions as I Watch

A collection of the disjointed thoughts I had about the episode as I watched it because I had to watch it over the course of a few hours instead of in one go

(under the cut because it got long)

The huddle omg

Buck making Daniel vaguely bitter is insane, I’m sure that means nothing

The Big Bear picture in Maddie’s living room ahhhhhhh

Jee into G

HOLY SHIT DOUG

credit where it’s due, the Buckley parents came to the hospital this time.

Buck’s face the whole time Doug is talking is priceless

I WANT TO KNOW WHY THEY CALL HIIIM CHIMNEY

Why arent you married

HE STOPPED BREATING WHEN HE HEARD ABOUT BOBBY

buck has now been struck by 2 random acts of nature

THE PARENTS NEVER ENTER THE ROOM

Albert I am begging you to leave Chim alone

The rewritten history lesson thing makes sense but I hate it (post to follow)

CHRIS INSISTED

had to pause to cry jfc that scene hurt, thanks Gavin. honorable mentions to Ryan and Aisha who were also great

on a lighter note, I will now picture all of buck’s problem solving process as if he has a mental Chim and Hen talking him

Mom brought 2 you brought 1 brb crying again

Peter Krauss has murdered me and I am thanking him

Buckleys still wont enter the room ugh

Because there was never a doubt in Buck’s mind that Hen and Chim would help him if he asked them. cool cool, I’m gonna be so normal about this

Oh man that hallway chase scene was not great for my brain but man did it do its job

Oh peter, turns out you will be killing me multiple times tonight, I’m so ready

I WAS NOT READY OH NO

Athena really said I will mom you back into consciousness and if Buck were any further in his process, it would have worked

The montage of memories ahhhhhhh

COLDPLAY Fix You how dare you

Chim <3

I’M ALWAYS GOING TO FEEL GUILTY FOR THAT ONE

Oh. I have too many bitter feelings about the Buckley parents to be satisfied with that. I’m going to pretend he was speaking solely to the parents that could have been. Moving on.

I have a family... not the same one I have here, YES SIR YOU DO

Oh the buckleys entered the room finally. Just for what might have been the end. I’ll be back to look at symbolism later

Daniel being a manifestation of his self hatred who

OHHH we’re getting some Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde action, love that

Oliver, please play more villains, I’m begging you. for science

FOR ME AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The way maddie doesn’t look surprised while his parents do, I am going to chew on a brick

2 pizzas lmao

hahaha yeah, lets talk about his traumas please. it will only take like a full season of just him

The doctor looks. so fucking done. like, seems very done with him already.

EVERYONEEEEEE

Once again I point out that the Buckleys? Not in the room. Even when random other guy was (who I want to know, please) Oh wait there’s 2 of them? tell me who you are please

Awwww they’re playing cards when he didn’t with his dream family (there’s a whole cant count in dreams thing that was big in Sterek that I’m co-opting here for personal reasons)

Bobby was different because his usual method of giving Buck advice and letting him decide was going to be too slow, this is my personal headcanon now

‘It’s better here’ where he actually gets to have the dad he chose and who chose him back

Mmmmmmm if Chim wants to fix things with his dad, fine. I will not be satisfied until they duke it out in some way shape or form. And I mean them, not Albert or Myung or anyone else. Them.

I have to give Kenneth Choi props, the realization look he gave us there makes me think there’s some interaction we didn’t get to see that was... important

awwwww, Jee calls him Pop Pop

‘she called me funny’ alright I can see them being related lol

I’ll take that. It wasn’t forgiveness, it was an open hand.

‘I’m getting you a couch’ no, you’ve been here like less than three minutes, please at least pretend you have respect for his boundaries

oh god they’re staying

awwwwwwwwwwww the birthmark kiss!!!1

But I’m putting my money on ‘it’s kinda nice’ turns into ‘please fucking leave’ really fast.

Personal issues with the directions the Buckleys seem to be going in, this episode was really good!!!!!!!!!!!

Final thoughts: EVERYONE WAS AMAZING, GOOD JOB

#911 spoilers #firehouse gossip

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fersrsbizniz · 2 years ago

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And finally, we are at “Gorilla Warfare”

I’m about to be so annoying rn

(So I watched this one with my wife a while ago—well watched as in she glanced back and forth between her game and this episode [this is sort of also where I skipped an episode by accident] and while she didn’t have too much to say, her facial reactions were priceless. This was her first ever episode of Beast Wars and it was an interesting experience to both watch the episode and her visual display)

Anyway…here is/was my thought process:

Yay music!

That my wife promptly started to tune out with and I felt I had to skip (she’s not a huge fan of this kind of music but that’s okay, I just listened to it later for posterity)

You know I would really love to see how they would render this area with modern CGI, like what would the plants look like now? The flowers?

I don’t think you could have found anyone less inclined to want to come with you on a mission like this Optimus, but I also couldn’t imagine someone less inclined to watch Beast Wars than my wife, so here we both are trying to get people to try new things. And here comes grumpy boy!

My wife’s eyes flew wide at the sound of Dinobot’s voice, but I suppose it is jarring for a newcomer? I don’t remember ever being bothered by it, so idk. Her expression was hilarious.

“Still, you stop to smell the roses…or whatever.” Such…eloquence, my dude.

I appreciate this exchange differently than when I was younger. Initially, I just liked the back and forth between them, but now I can better reflect on Optimus finally being able to do the job he WANTED to do, even for a little bit, and why that’s so important to him. Like, I feel you, it sucks when you have to do another duty that wasn’t really in your wheelhouse but now you’re the only one able to handle it for now (like running two classrooms consecutively for weeks at a time when a teacher just up and leaves with no emergency lesson plans *sobs at the memory*)—anywayyyy. He’s finally able to do research/exploration, and isn’t that great? And I can understand where Dinobot’s concern is coming from, because he knows his former group and none of them are very lax about their shit disturbing. There’s no real reason why he shouldn’t be on edge.

(Time-stamping at 2:16 for myself because I didn’t pause to write this down when I watched it)

I love how sassy this little debate is getting. These two characters bounce off of each other really well. It’s not that I don’t like how Rattrap and Dinobot have their interactions (and I adore the range of their singular VA putting in such awesome performances) but there’s a certain something about the way these two interact that makes me understand why this is a special episode for many.

But…is there a purpose for “blasting” it out, Dinobot? Impatient much. Just dig it out! Move a rock like Optimus does. Like…nuance dude. Patience. Chill for .02 seconds (or nano-cycles, whatever).

Battle-edge? Guy is just a scientist who wants to look at the plants. Oooh, would he normally be a (bit battle savvy) botanist if given the chance? Is he the Ellie Sattler (yeah yeah she’s the paleo-botanist whatever, Dinobot is a fuckin featherless raptor, plant boy go brrrr)

Or did you mean battle-edge 😏 (I jest but I don’t. I know what this episode means to a lot of people, hell I think I saw why at this point and all I’d seen so far is Optimus going “chill for a minute and look at some plants” and Dinobot just being like “D< no.” and then he participates anyway)

That yell startled the shit out of my wife and she looked at me with such affront I had to pause because I burst out laughing so hard.

And then I started laughing harder again at the “dinner salad” remark.

(Also the how it spreads it’s seed line…if no one has been juvenile once about that line I would be shocked)

But aww poor Optimus, he was just ready to get fully into science mode and Scorponok has to go ruin it.

Cue whatever…firing skill all that was.

Oh no, Dinobot!

Oh no, Optimus!

And now you hit him…(my wife side-eyed once during this scene)

I do note, Dinobot does say Optimus a lot in this tone for how far along we are in the show, worries over him in many a dire situation…yeah I think I’m getting it.

Cheetor…while I think everyone (including you) needs a round of shooting lessons with Rattrap (who looks like he may be your most accurate shot), I think Dinobot is feeling guilty enough without your input. This is just exacerbating his moody outbursts (oh! He really IS a poor little meow meow!)

Just going to preemptively say that while it is best they waited, the estimated explosion time/area seems a bit off

Scorponok definitely screwed this up but I guess they are lucky he ends up being more accurate with his antivirus, and not just as botched as the virus itself.

I do love Cheetor’s unwavering belief in Optimus. It’s adorable. On the other hand, Dinobot seems intrigued by the change.

Megatron monologues. Yes.

Hmm…Optimus and Dinobot having the same idea. Of course, no one likes grumbly boy’s plan. Even now, I find that he can both be worried and totally blasé about Optimus’s possible demise absolutely hilarious. And that whole little “fine by me” part.

Wow, Optimus is super strong. Threw them all off of him.

And, well, what an awed and pleased expression you have there Dinobot. While everyone is just watching Optimus have no chill with fear and concern on their faces. (My wife began to purposely find swarms in Project Zomboid at this point)

I will say I was very confused about the change Dinobot had in how the mission would play out but I could see this playing out in a few ways: he intended for Optimus to just, well, die, and to take over a functional band of Maximals, rather than losing others, he saw this working if Optimus was still able to think as usual but just hold on to that aggressive core but now—since he just lost it on all of them—it’s clear the plan is shot, or he saw what happened and after his initial interest, became concerned for Optimus’ welfare and abilities as a whole and realized what a shit idea this was. Idk, two of these options fit and make no sense in different ways, while one seems logical but I feel I’d need more evidence to back it up, and I feel like if I were to really delve into this scene in the episode, I’d actually need to watch certain other scenes again to get a better idea. I’d love to see what others think, but not sure how many would be interested to talk about it.

Dinobot trying to calm Cheetor and think like Optimus is a sort of interesting change to his usual method. Sure it doesn’t work, but I think the trying shows some character growth, and I can appreciate that.

I do feel flat out saying where Optimus was going was dumb on their part though. There were other opening options for negotiation they probably could have taken.

A nod to Optimus’ strengths as a leader and the necessity for them to come up with their own plan in the meantime. More growth!

If one of them could do this much damage…once again I’m thinking maybe the Predacons are lucky the Maximals weren’t prepared, or as bloodthirsty as they.

HE JUST PINNED HIM LIKE A BUG TO A BOARD OMG

Yay, the flower trick!

As I mentioned above, the explosion seems delayed based on their previous worries.

But Optimus is saved with the antivirus and they’re able to book it out of there.

And then…

Dinobot looking after him, “taking a shift” or not, the throat clearing sound, the “back home, or back to normal” “both”, the smile, the flower…it’s touching, it’s sweet, it’s…

It’s very gay of them. I see it. I sigh currently, and admit, I now ship it.

My wife didn’t care. She said she was just confused as to why there was a Brooklyn rat there, and that the voices were…very 90’s of them.

Having said that, my wife’s final statement: she hated it. But…she sat through it with me. Just like I do for all the god awful B horror movies she likes to watch

I on the other hand loved it. There are a lot of fun elements in this episode, a lot of getting to know characters for who they are and who they aren’t.

By far my favorite rewatch episode so far.

#beast wars rewatch #beast wars

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vinnival · 3 years ago

Note

The main 3, Tricky, and Sherriff (Separately) realizing they've fallen for the reader?

OHHHHHH IM WRITING hi

HANK

Honestly who knows anything with this mf

Definitely not himself, he's a mess of a void of emotions

So when he starts thinking of you on his free time more often, it confuses him

'They must be doing some mind control or something'

Goes to 2b

He's had enough of their shit once again

"Hank you absolute fucking dumbass. You're getting feelings."

They didn't want to believe it at first but the signs just became more and more clear over time

It was after watching you take down like a group of zeds swarming around you that he realizes, "oh. Oh shit. feelings."

SANFORD

Definitely more in touch with his feelings imo

The minute he feels even a SLIVER of love for you he's already getting ready to confess

No denying it bc it's just gonna get stronger the more he tries 2 ignore it

Tries to carry himself a lot better whenever ur around (ex., not being so fuckin LOUD like in mpn2... I'm after u loudass .)

Just wants to impress you!! And leave a good impression in general !!!!

He's got a Little experience, so he knows a thing or two

Definitely gets you more gifts than before

Dei teases him a lot and San has to punch him to keep him from blurting out his feelings in a joke when ur around

DEIMOS.

laughs oh this motherfucker

So fucking stupid

He's known about love before, he's just never FELT it

Yes this man lets something else (we all know what) control him instead of his heart methinks

Yes I'm making him demiromantic ZAPS

Anyways he never felt true love for someone else

Before you, of course

You weren't like hank, who was silent and stoic, dry and sarcastic humor laced in their voice on the off chance he does talk

You weren't like sanford, who half-heartedly gave a shit about his wisecracks (dei still sppreciated the acknowledgement though)

You weren't like 2B, scoffing and telling dei to "stop joking around, we're in a serious environment" or to act professional

No, you genuinely laughed at his jokes, listened to him talk, made your own jokes respectfully, you paid attention to him

And god that got his heart racing, which confused him as well

After enough time, he figured out that it WAS love.

He loved you

TRICKY

He wasn't a little scientist worrying over its work and stressing about deadlines anymore

So with no stress overwhelming any other emotion now as a zombie clown, the strong feelings regarding you, his old science acquaintance and only friend, threw its mind into an even messier tizzy

You made them feel things that struck them dumb

If Tricky had a heart it knows it would've popped out of him eventually with how much you affect him

He's very... easily read, an open book, if you will

You can tell how he's feeling because it's kind of obvious

Which makes you worry more about it and stay around them more

And oops its a cycle until one day they straight up burst at the seams after you pet its hair

Finally, they realize they like you, and immediately vented it all out

SHERIFF

doggone it

probably excused it as friend feelings like

Normal Friends Want To Kiss Each Other Right?

You were very physically affectionate with him but he thought it was just a normal thing friends do! (Thia man has never had any true friends, huh?)

These feelings around you were just regular feelings anyone would feel

His heartbeat increasing at the sight of you, or his fingers getting jittery when thinking about cuddling you or hugging you, or the butterflies in his stomach when you laugh at his jokes

Just friend things <333

It wasn't until one day where you approached him, looking kind of nervous- he was kind of worried at that

And then you admitted you had feelings for him

And it hit him like a truck

"Oh. oh I'm a DUMBASS" -him

This mf FINALLY realized he was in love with you <3

#madness combat x reader #madness combat hank #hank j. wimbleton #madness combat deimos #madness combat sanford #tricky the clown #madness combat sheriff #struggled a bit at sheriff. i dont write him much #ohhh its nice to see all the lovely ideas of you anons again<3

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robot-girl-bites · 1 year ago

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1. Are you named after anyone?

A: Technically speaking I'm named after (first) myself since my first name is a slight variation of the arabic name I used in class, and (middle) the moon because she's beautiful and I've been in love with her since the first time I saw her and recognized what I was looking at, at which point I became enraptured and ended up getting separated from my family when I stopped and stared at her for like 20 minutes (I know too many trans women named variations on Luna so I went with the less common Selene)

2. When was that last time you cried?

A: Earlier today my gf and I were talking about an amphibia/the locked tomb crossover and I started crying over it

3. Do you have kids?

A: My bloodline ends with me 🥰🥰🥰

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

A: Yea lol. I love sarcasm and also lying for fun

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

A: I ran cross country in high school cuz my sperm donor insisted I do a sport. I played basketball on my college's varsity womens team because I didn't want to work on my thesis (I was one of like 4 people who showed up to practice regularly). Now I'm in roller derby! I actually like it a lot and just bought myself my own equipment a day or two after my second practice!

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

A: My people recognition skills are shit so whatever the first thing I notice is almost always lost to the void at the back of my brain. The easiest thing to notice about people is their distinctive mannerisms though like styles of speech or how they stand, which if I like someone I often start to adopt for myself (that's my problematic autistic representation trait)

7. What is your eye colour?

A: Blueish grey

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

A: Scary movies almost always are too much for me and I'm a sucker for a happy ending. I love trauma for my characters that I write/play but I always think they deserve to be happy in the end after I'm done squishing them like stress balls

9. Any special talents?

A: I have an approximate knowledge of many things and can answers extremely random and specific questions on a wide variety of subjects. Also I can knit!

10. Where were you born?

A: ok phishing attempt

11. What are your hobbies?

A: Gaming (final fantasy, 4x, board games, ttrpgs), cooking, baking, reading (I promise I'm trying to read more >.>), doodling

12. Do you have any pets?

A: 2 grey tabby cats! They're a bonded brother and sister and the boy is blind so we couldn't just adopt one of them 🥺 They are both wanted by INTERPOL for crimes

13. How tall are you?

A: Too tall, though I've shrunk 2" since HRT. With your support and donations, we can make me even shorter (4'7" please, I want to be smal)

14. Favourite subject in school?

A: Maths, science, and theater. I was really good at math (ended up taking calc/differential equations at a college level senior year of high school. It still shocks me that some people don't learn trig or basic calculus until college??). Science is always just so fascinating, I love the universe. Theater really helped me get out of my shell and be able to connect with people and also let me be even more Problematic and Loudly Queer than I already was

15. Dream job?

A: I'm going to be an astronaut someday and become the first woman on Mars 🥰🥰🥰

Please dont feel obligated to continue but @transgressivepistoleer, @kalekemo, @the-moth-of-all-time

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

I was tagged by @oh-goodness-loki - TYSM dear!!!

1. Are you named after anyone? No... my Mom liked the name. (I hate it btw, and have taken on another in day-to-day life.)

2. When was the last time you cried? The other day, watching "For all mankind" (which is better than I had thought it would be?!)

3. Do you have kids? A daughter.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? MEEEEEE???? ^^

5. What sports do you play/have played? I used to ride. Stopped when I got pregnant.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people? Whether they hold eye-contact, maybe?

7. What's your eye color? Dark brown.

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Depends. I don't like torture movies, but I do not like overly saccharine stuff either. Aliens as a prime example for both?! :)

9. Any special talents? Errr.... I used to have a lyrical soprano... wanted to be an opera singer once upon a time.

10. Where were you born? Skipping, sorry.

11. What are your hobbies? Reading, video games, music, vampires. I also read a lot.

12. Do you have pets? I have a cat, Mo.

13. How tall are you? 5'4"

14. Favorite subject in school? Biology and philosophy

15. Dream job? Not sure. I used to love my job a lot, but now it's more and more meetings and... well.

Tagging:

@prigorie @isabellehemlock @lynnenne, @thefairylights @slutaciouslestat @inkyblotposts @burstingbone @blackgirlasis @alcassin @shashiatnight @anannua @dreamofme9 @danissa10 @redversaillesrose @onlymywishfulthinking ... and whoever wants to!

(Feel free to ignore this if you don't want to, obviously^^)

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streetlight11 · 3 years ago

Text

Till I Met You Again

Summary: Everyone is born with a life already planned out for them. Including their soulmates. Except, every person walking this earth has been given a specific soulmate marking that was similar to a tattoo to match their soulmate’s. The ink is invisible when one is born. To activate the soulmate marking, one has to be at least in a 20 feet radius to their designated soulmate. But of course, they wouldn’t know it until they start to notice the ink slowly appearing on their skin.

Theme: soulmate au, university au, enemies to lovers

Genre: angst, fluff

Warning: mild cursing

WC: 10k

Pairing: Soulmate!Yoongi x Fem!Reader

a/n: Hello! I kinda got too carried away in writing this one the other day, hence the word count for this is... woah. Hehe. But anyways, here's a soulmate au for you Min Yoongi lovers <3

Every person who was born into this earth has their life journey already written out for them in which it unfortunately remains a secret from them. And these living souls have been entitled to a soulmate that would potentially cross their path in the near future. Everyone is made for someone and the tattoo on their skin otherwise known as a ‘soulmate marking’ determines it for them.

The soulmate marking is nothing far from a tattoo as it imprints on your skin for eternity.

However, these markings will already be on you the minute you were born. Except, the ink will be invisible to the human eye.

But it’s definitely there. The only way to activate the marking is when one happens to be of 20 foot radius with their designated soulmate. This will cause the ink to start slowly appearing on one’s skin. Even so, these markings will start only when one has reached the age of 14. Only then will the ink start to be visible to one’s eye.

Unfortunately, until now when you’re already past 20 years of age, not a single tinge of ink was displayed on your skin. You’ve checked everywhere on your body. From your fingertips to your toes.

Nothing.

You weren’t really one who purely believed in this whole soulmate thing simply because you felt that there’s no such thing as a fixed soulmate. You should be free to choose who you want as your partner purely through interactions and chemistry you shared with the other, not by some marking on your skin. Your parents had a matching mark on their right wrists which was a simple rose in a glass jar.

No doubt you admired their love story and how they met, but you couldn’t see it for yourself. You really don’t want to fully depend on this supposed marking. Even when you went off to college, you’ve made it a point to try and go on dates no matter what their soulmate markings would be.

But it all turned out with the same ending. Either the guy dumps you for not having the same mark or they ghost you after the first date, saying you’re too good for them. All these never led to a heartbreak on your end because you were never in love to begin with.

You were simply trying your luck, trying to see if you’d find a single soul who was just as sceptical as you on this whole soulmate thing.

And so far, you’ve met none.

It was the start of university life for you as you’ve managed to enrol yourself for a Computer Science major in Hangang University. You took the same course during college, having interest in web design and computer technologies. You could only hope that the study load this time would give you a mental break every once in a while despite knowing the content is definitely heavier than college content.

But you still told yourself to persevere and never leave your knowledge hanging while you’re still young. With this mentality, you brought yourself to campus today for day one of university classes.

Taking a deep breath, you pushed the door to the specific lecture room for the first lesson.

Immediately, you were greeted by a room that had the majority of the students’ gender being males. But it wasn’t a surprise to you because CS majors tend to lean more towards males instead of females. This doesn’t bother you since you were here solely to study and perhaps make friends along the way.

You found an empty seat in the top last few rows. With careful steps, you climbed the stairs to make your way to the spot you had your eyes locked on. After you’ve settled down, you noted how the room was fairly quiet.

Probably because it was the first day of classes and nobody really knows each other yet. That was all pushed to the back of your mind when you heard chatting coming from the front door and you saw 2 friends walk in. It was pretty obvious they knew each other considering how they were laughing and talking freely to one another.

As you kept your curious gaze on them discreetly, you could only realise how good looking they were.

The taller one sported beautiful dark brown locks that were long enough to cover his eyes, his smile so charming you were sure anyone who crossed his path would fall for his smile in less than a second. And then there was the other one who sported a more edgy look with his shorter dark purple, undercut hair that was parted near the centre to show his forehead, a right eyebrow piercing to compliment his face.

You quickly diverted your gaze to your laptop screen, not wanting them to think you’re a creep. You were busy searching for the e-books for this lesson in your online school portal when you heard a gentle voice calling to you from your right.

“Hey, are these seats taken?”

You looked up to see the one with the eyebrow piercing staring at you with the softest smile on his face.

In response to his question, you simply mimicked his facial expression and shook your head at him. He thanked you quietly before the 2 of them settled down beside you down the row. They resumed their conversation for the next 3 minutes before the lecturer walked in to start the class.

Two hours later, you don’t even know how you managed to absorb the things your lecturer said but you did. You were typing out the notes he shared on the projector screen when you heard his voice through the speakers.

“I will let you go for your lunch break. Be back by 1pm, here. You can leave your bags behind since I will be locking the room once everyone leaves.”

With that, your classmates replied with a series of yes before they got up one by one ready to head for lunch. You were just typing out the last of your notes when the boy beside you spoke up. At first you thought he was talking to his friend. You completely missed the way he was turned to you.

Until he gently taps onto your forearm to tell you that his question was directed to you. With a turn of your head, you locked eyes with him for the second time that day. “H-Huh?” You stuttered, earning a stifled chuckle from him.

“I was saying, do you wanna join me and my friends for lunch? We’re already sharing classes, might as well get to know each other to prepare for future projects or assignments.” He kindly repeated himself for you, making you whisper a soft ‘oh’ under your breath.

It wasn’t like you to approach someone first when it comes to striking a conversation with a complete stranger. So when he did it for you, it surprised you that he even thought of letting you tag along with them to lunch. For this alone, you decided to accept his offer knowing he does have a point for that last statement.

With that being said, the three of you left the lecture room after bringing your wallets with you. You quietly followed beside the brown haired one as they immediately opened a topic for their conversation.

You were just checking your phone for the texts sent from your mom in your family group chat when a voice spoke up, addressing you directly.

“What’s your name?” You glance up to catch the one who asked the question was the brown haired one, as the purple haired one was already looking at you but it wasn’t intimidating in any way. So you found it easy to reply to them.

“Y/N.” You said as they all nodded only for the boy beside you to speak up. “Nice to meet you Y/N. I’m Taehyung. This is Jungkook.”

And so you know.

After almost 10 minutes of walking, you finally arrived at the cafeteria located on the other side of campus from where you originally were. The cafeteria was filled with hungry students and occupied tables. This wasn’t something new but at times like these, you’d rather bring your own food and sit somewhere that’s less crowded and bustling.

Just when you were about to excuse yourself and get a take out instead, Taehyung’s voice sounded from beside you, “Hyung said he found a table for us. They’re at the side near the drink stall.” He addressed it to the Jungkook in particular.

Hyung? Found a table? Did their other friends go to this same campus too?

You thought to yourself as Taehyung soon led the three of you around the cafeteria with you following behind them like a lost puppy.

You were busy looking at the available food stalls around when you were stopped by the voices that called out to the 2 boys’ names. Curious eyes wandered over their figures to see just who their other friends were and you were met with a table filled with relatively handsome guys.

There were 3 guys seated at that table, happily welcoming Taehyung and Jungkook. Just when you thought they had forgotten you, Jungkook turns around to show you to his friends.

“If you guys don’t mind, we made a new friend this morning and we invited her to join us for lunch. Her name is Y/N.” Jungkook announced as the three boys smiled at you warmly.

“Hey Y/N. I’m Namjoon, this is Seokjin and Hoseok. It’s nice to meet you.” Namjoon said as he stretched his hand out for you to shake in which you obliged. You definitely didn’t miss the intricate design of a floral arrow lining his inner forearm. That must’ve been his soulmate marking. You soon found yourself seated next to Hoseok and Jungkook after buying your meal.

You were chewing your noodles when Taehyung spoke up to catch everyone at that table’s attention, “Where are they? Shouldn’t their class be over already?”

“Apparently they just ended 5 minutes ago. Minie told me they’re on their way now.” Seokjin replied.

Who were the ‘they’ Taehyung was referring to?

Were there more of their friends?

Oh great.

You refocused on your food, taking a bite out of the chicken meat as you listened to their ‘first day of university’ story. You found out that Namjoon was a Psychology major, Hoseok was a Dance major and Seokjin was a Culinary major.

You were currently staring at the pile of vegetables that Taehyung so kindly transfers into your bowl, after he asked around on who wants the boiled carrots and broccoli to which you said yes.

Taehyung was passing you every last bit of vegetable to your bowl when a sweet voice spoke up from the end of the table nearest to Namjoon and Seokjin.

“Finally! I thought you’d never make it for lunch.” Namjoon laughed as you heard a much raspier voice speak up from the same spot.

“I wouldn’t miss lunch for the world.” You heard the others laugh when Taehyung finally finished clearing his plate off the vegetables before turning to the newcomers to say his hellos.

“Oh, by the way, we have a new addition to our circle. She’s in Taehyung and Jungkook’s class so they tagged her along for lunch.” Seokjin announced as he reached his arm behind Taehyung to place a soft hand on the top of your right shoulder. You finally looked up from your bowl to see who the newcomers were.

The first guy you locked eyes with had cute puffy cheeks, sporting a pretty dark blue hair colour as his bangs framed his face nicely.

“Oh hello. I’m Jimin.”

You smiled shyly at him before your eyes naturally travelled to the other individual standing right beside Jimin and that’s when you frowned.

Unsurprisingly, the male did too.

His hair was an ash grey colour that parted at the side to show his forehead instead of letting it cover his eyebrows like Hoseok’s did. He had a few piercings on each ear. If his physique was unrecognizable to you, at least his face was. You knew exactly who he was without having to ask him for confirmation.

“Yoongi?” His name rolled off your tongue effortlessly in a whisper, stirring reactions from the rest of them.

“Wait, you know each other?” Jimin asked in confusion as his eyes travelled back and forth between you and Yoongi. That’s when you heard the other scoff before locking his eyes with you.

“Never thought I’d see you again after all these years.” His expression was dry and almost unwelcoming unlike the smiles his other friends gave you upon your first meeting. “Never wished for this day to come either but here we are…” You said sarcastically.

The tension was so thick, you were sure you would have to cut it with a knife instead of a scissors.

You broke the gaze by standing up, claiming you’ve lost your appetite.

“I’ll see you guys in class.” You said, directing your words to your classmates before you snatched your phone and wallet off the table top along with your tray of food to return. With a quick glance to Yoongi, you ignored his burning glare as you shoved past him by the shoulders causing him to stumble back a little.

The table fell quiet as Seokjin was the first to break the awkward silence, “Well, that was unexpected.” Yoongi scoffed as he left the table to go buy his food, not bothering to wait for Jimin as his mind was clouded with the thought of you being in his circle of friends.

The history of you two goes way back when you were in both pre and high school. Your first ever dispute with him was in preschool, all because you were both fighting over the crayon box. And then gradually, more fights would happen over silly little things. It came to a point where your teacher would have to separate you from each other.

Your disputes continued after you found out that he just so happened to join the same high school as you, let alone the same class. It only made things worse. You two would bicker and fight almost everyday like a married couple.

Your friends teased you often with him for the amount of fights you got into with him. They’ve even grown accustomed to the harsh comments you had thrown to each other on a daily basis.

Not a day goes by without either him stepping on your tail or you having a payback for all the pranks he did on you to get you worked up. And yet, just when you thought you were free from seeing the devil himself again, life has its way with you and it bothers you to the core at this very instant.

Your lecturer arrived back at the lecture room 15 minutes before 1pm and it seemed like everyone else was still having lunch. All except you. “You’re here early? Have you had your lunch?” He asked as he proceeded to unlock the room while you lingered behind him, standing up after you saw him approaching from afar.

“Yeah, I did.” You smiled, stepping back into the room after he pushed the door open. You climbed the stairs again to where your belongings were, taking out your air pods to bury yourself in music.

Shutting out the world around as you rested your head in your arms on the table. You didn’t notice the people strolling into the lecture room, too busy drowning yourself in your own little bubble. All of it soon came crumbling when you felt a soft tap on your shoulder.

That’s when you look up to see the 2 of them back in their seats.

You glanced ahead to see that the lecturer had already flashed the new slides onto the projector screen which indicates the start of class again. So you took out your air pods and kept them in its case before tossing it into your bag.

Class resumed and your messy thoughts were shoved to the back of your mind, far away from your main focus right now which was your class.

After a dreadful 4 hours of lessons, your lecturer finally calls it a day. He reminded all of you to be punctual for class tomorrow, saying that he has some group discussions for the topic he would be teaching. Once everyone was dismissed, you kept your stuff back into your bag quietly.

You could tell the two boys were waiting for you since they hadn't moved a muscle from beside you despite already standing up and were just leaning against the table while they chatted. The minute you stood up, they pushed themselves off the table and only then did they start walking down the steps.

The three of you made it to ground level thanks to the operating lift, making your way to the parking lot that was right beside the campus entrance.

You were just talking to Jungkook about your hobbies when you noticed a group of 5 guys gathered at the steps of the campus grounds through your peripheral vision. You could only guess it was their friends due to the voice that calls out to those walking with you. They led you towards the bunch as you glanced over to everyone but him.

“Hey Y/N, how did you come here this morning?” Namjoon asked, his voice nothing but sincere.

“Public transport.” You said simply with a smile directed towards him, only for Seokjin to speak up, “Do you need a ride home? I can drive you?”

With that being said, you kindly shook your head with a smile, not wanting to offend him in any way for turning his offer down. “It’s fine, I can manage on my own. Thanks for the offer though. Maybe next time.” You said as you bid the rest of them goodbye, not bothering to look at the very person you’ve held your grudge on for years.

They watched as you turned in your heels and left, deadpanning your way to the front gates. Jimin sighed lightly before turning to Yoongi and asked for answers on why you and him weren’t on good terms.

But the latter only brushed Jimin off, saying he would explain some other time.

The rest of them soon dispersed to their own vehicles to head home after a long and tiring first day of university.

As more days began to pass, you were sometimes dragged by either one of your 2 classmates to hang out with their friends and girlfriends. If you weren’t mistaken, half of them already found their soulmates and were currently in a relationship with them. While the remaining half were still finding for theirs because it was either their soulmate markings had appeared on their skin but very faintly, or there was none at all.

But the amount of times you’ve recalled hanging out with them during the past three months were countable with your fingers. You avoided having lunch with them often ever since you found out Yoongi was in their circle. You didn’t want to seem petty but it seems like he too hated having you around.

Which means that the feelings were mutual on both ends.

It was a pretty warm day so right after you arrived back at your apartment, you headed straight for the showers. Slipping into the shower stream the minute your clothes were discarded.

The cold stream coating your shoulder down with it’s nice, cooling temperature to ease out the warmth in your body.

After you finished your shower, you took your towel from the rack and proceeded to wipe yourself dry. Stepping out of the cubicle, you walked over to the sink counter where your large mirror was glued onto the wall. As you were ruffling your hair with the towel to rid the excess water, you noticed something on your left rib through the reflection.

Is that…?

You glanced down at your skin to see a very faint outline of something on your skin. You blinked twice, not believing this.

When did it start showing?

Your mind was going feral at the thought of seeing your soulmate marking finally make its appearance onto your skin. Who was the cause of this? Why did it only appear now after all these years? If that’s the case then it means that your soulmate is someone from school.

“What am I thinking? This is all a load of crap. I can date whoever I want no matter what marking they have.” You said to no one in particular as you changed into your home attire.

A few days later, you were just in class alone in the morning. Taehyung and Jungkook had yet to arrive when a sudden voice from beside you made you jump. A soft curse emitted from your throat as you clutched to your chest from the minor heart attack. You turned to find one of your classmates whom you recalled his name to be Hanbin, towering over you to your left.

“Hey, I’m Hanbin.” He smiled at you, feeling your stomach get warm upon seeing him up close for the first time.

“Hey… I’m Y/N.”

“I don’t mean to be creepy or weird, but I’ve kind of noticed you going for lunch alone these days instead of with your friends?” He asked as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. You somehow knew where this was going.

“Right… Well, that is true I suppose.” You chuckled awkwardly, looking away from him briefly before turning your attention back to him.

“I see. Well, if you’re looking for company, you can go for lunch with me?” He said it more like a statement instead of a question and that in itself made you smile. You had just accepted his kind offer when you heard familiar voices approaching to where you were seated.

Hanbin’s eyes glanced past your shoulder only to flicker back to you, setting a reminder before he left.

“Lunch with me later, yeah?”

You gave him a soft nod as a smile crept onto your lips. At the same time, you felt the soft nudge to your right elbow. You already knew who’s the culprit. “Wasn’t that Hanbin? What did he say to you?” Taehyung asked as he took a seat beside you.

“He asked me to go for lunch with him.”

“So you agreed?”

“Mhm.”

“You wanna go for lunch with him but not us?” Taehyung asked with a pout, only for Jungkook to lean over and ask what was going on. You could only roll your eyes at them, not actually annoyed or anything. Just a reflex whenever someone tried to get your sympathy over something stupid.

“Give me a break. I’m not sharing a table with ‘you know who’. Wouldn’t wanna accidentally break the table with our arguments.” You flashed him a sarcastic smile that made him click his tongue at you in disbelief.

It has been two months since you first went to lunch with Hanbin and you have been doing that ever since. You noticed that his demeanour was starting to change too around you, maybe there was a mutual feeling settling in between the two of you after all.

It was a Saturday afternoon and you already made plans with Hanbin a week prior. He wanted to bring you out on a date to the amusement park and then maybe grab some supper before heading home. He picked you up at your apartment that evening in his jeep, looking quite handsome if you say so yourself.

The two of you spent the evening together, adrenaline rushing through you thanks to the rides you took. After enjoying yourselves at the amusement park, you were both tired from having fun so he offered to stop by and grab supper with you before sending you home.

You ended up getting fast food at the diner downtown. You were happy. You were grateful that he was nothing but sweet to you. But for some reason, deep down there was that voice in you that was screaming, “He’s not the one” and you hated it. You didn’t want to rely on the marking to determine your happiness.

What if you belonged to someone who has a different marking than you?

That’s possible right?

So when he finally parked right outside your apartment complex, he turned off the engine leaving his key in the ignition. The car fell silent for a moment before you decided to be brave and spoke up.

“Do you… wanna come up for a bit? We can talk for a while longer?”

With that, Hanbin frowned as he wondered if he should. He didn’t want to ruin a first date and he most definitely did not want you to have a bad impression on him.

“Are… Are you sure?” He asked quietly, to which you nodded.

When you didn’t get a proper response, you simply let out a soft giggle followed by, “come on” before you opened his jeep door to board off the vehicle. You left him no choice but to follow after you. Once you’ve made it to your apartment, you unlocked your front door and stepped inside allowing him to enter.

It took him a while as his eyes travelled all over your cosy apartment, admiring the minimalist interior. You told him to take a seat while you went to get him a drink.

A few minutes passed and you were both just talking freely on your couch when you noticed how his eyes always flickered down to your lips constantly as you spoke. This made you stifle a giggle and he caught on. He apologized for it but you brushed it off.

Just then, the room felt quiet all of a sudden as it was your turn to glance down to his lips.

Hanbin softly smiled as he began to lean closer.

Your heart was pounding in your chest as you could feel his warmth radiating off his body from how close he was to you.

Right when you felt your head get dizzy from the close proximity, you unconsciously whispered against his lips something that you would never normally do.

“Kiss me.”

With that being said, he pressed his plump lips on yours.

Immediately intoxicating you with how sweet he tasted. The kiss slowly got heated as he carefully guided your body back to lay on the couch while he hovered over you. His hands slid past the hem of your shirt, resting on your waist as he caressed your skin.

You slide your hands up his chest, wrapping them around his neck. He slowly pushed your shirt up using his wrists. Right when he’d just pulled away for a breather, his eyes travelled down to your bare torso beneath him.

His gaze seemed stuck on whatever he was looking at. When you realized he stopped and was staring at something on your body, you knew exactly what he saw.

“Is that…?” His voice was soft, almost sounding as though he was upset.

“Yeap…”

With this confession, he slowly pulled away from you, tugging your shirt back down and bringing you to a sitting position.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…” He began but you were quick to hush him.

“It’s okay… Besides, I should be the one saying sorry. I already saw your marking the other day when you wore a tank top to class. I just thought you’d be okay with dating someone who doesn’t share the same mark as you. I guess I was being selfish…” You said.

Hanbin remained quiet as he listened to your reasoning. Suddenly feeling bad for stopping whatever you two were sharing, so abruptly like that. With that, he reached out to hold your hand, telling him that he was still sorry for reacting that way and for hurting your feelings by doing so.

But he told you he didn’t regret taking you out on a date today, that he genuinely had a good time with you and that he would love to still be friends with you if you allowed him.

You smiled at him before turning your attention to the flower pot sitting on your coffee table only for him to continue, “I just hope that you’ll find someone who will love you for who you are, doesn’t matter the mark.” For that, you smiled again. Thanking him for being sweet and thoughtful.

After he left, you couldn’t help but sigh. This was already the umpteenth time this happened to you.

But you couldn’t stay mad at Hanbin for turning you down simply because he didn’t reject you the way your other ex dates did. That was the reason why you let him go without holding a grudge.

The next few weeks, you’ve gone to lunch on an alternate basis between Hanbin and the guys. And every time you went with the guys, you could only prepare yourself for the constant bickering with the one and only, Min Yoongi and today was no different.

You were sitting next to Namjoon at the end of the table with the only space left empty being beside you. And it was as though luck wasn’t on your side, the only human left to arrive for lunch was none other than Yoongi himself.

You were just sipping your green tea when you heard his voice approaching towards your side of the table.

“Sorry hyung, that’s the only seat left.” Jungkook smiled sympathetically to the elder as you made it a point to not spare a glance over to him. You could hear his grunt of disapproval but nonetheless plopped his bag down on the chair before disappearing to buy his food.

When he did come back, you had just gotten a whole chunk of chocolate fudge cake shoved into your mouth by Taehyung who was seated opposite you.

You were unable to pull the dangling piece of cake into your mouth so you tilted your head back. But instead of the cake entering your mouth, it ended up falling into your hands when you felt your head crash into something behind you.

And the hiss just told you who it was.

“Watch it before I spill hot soup on you.” Yoongi said as he placed the bowl of steaming noodle soup on the table top beside your tray.

“Don’t worry because I’ll make sure it spills on you too.” You challenged him back, earning a glare from him.

You heard a few sighs coming from some of the guys but you couldn’t care less. You busied yourself by scrolling through your social media in hopes that the time would just pass by quicker so that you can be away from him after lunch ends.

A few days later, you had just finished your shower when you noticed your mark slowly growing more and more opaque. To which you could finally see the design of it.

It was a dream catcher.

A pretty one at that. You softly traced your finger over the outline of the detail, keeping your eye on the reflection. Just then, a soft sigh left your lips.

This means that your designated soulmate has supposedly crossed your path more than once. But seeing how the ink is getting darker with each passing day, could only mean that if not often, this person is near you at least more than 3 times a week.

A week went by and Jungkook had invited you to his birthday slash pool party that weekend. He invited only the guys and some of their girlfriends. You’ve met the girlfriends a few times and they’ve all been pretty sweet to you so far. All of them are so down to earth. You told Jungkook you’ll be there, earning a happy soft clap from him when you said so.

On the day of the party, you had just finished your shower when you noticed the water droplets underneath you weren’t clear. You looked harder only to realize those weren’t water.

It was blood.

“Great… Thanks mother nature…” You huffed as you went to get your feminine item from your cupboard. After successfully changing into the attire you chose for the day, you tied your hair into a messy ponytail before leaving your bathroom.

You wore simple denim shorts and a loose shirt tucked into your jeans.

When you actually made it to Jungkook’s house, you were surprised to know that he was living in a one story house with a built-in pool ready when he moved in.

Apparently his parents were pretty wealthy people so they bought this house for him, saying it would give him the opportunity to take responsibility in keeping the house clean and tidy rather than his mother having to do it for him all the time.

You called Jungkook’s phone only for him to pick up on the second ring. You told him you were at his front gate so he hung up the call and rushed over to you.

Once you were inside his beautiful compound, he brought you towards the back through his side garden. Distinct voices gradually get louder the nearer you get to them. The minute you turned round the corner, you instantly saw more than half of them in the pool including the ladies.

Seokjin and Taehyung were over at the barbeque grill, cooking the meat for everyone. There was a table filled with all kinds of snacks and sweet drinks. It was a full on pool party.

Just then, a familiar voice rings in your ear already knowing it belonged to Hoseok.

“Y/N! You made it! Come join us!”

You stopped at one of the chairs only to put your sling bag down and apologized to him, “Sorry to burn the mood, but I can’t. Monthly calls.” You could hear some whines and sad pouts forming on some of their faces right after.

“Aww man, that’s a total bummer.” Jimin said, making you shrug.

However, you noticed a figure leaning against the wall on the other side of the pool just blankly staring at you. That’s when you glanced over to see Yoongi. You held your stare for a moment before you turned away. Missing the way he was still staring at you even when you were making your way to Seokjin and Taehyung.

A few minutes later, you were just talking to Jiyeon who was taking a break from being in the pool. You sat facing each other but from where you were seated, your back was facing the grilling pit.

Jiyeon was just talking to you about baking when you noticed someone swimming to the side that was aligned with where you were sitting.

Only to realize it was Yoongi.

He placed his hands on the edge of the pool and soon pushed himself upwards. You watched as water flowed down his body effortlessly. Cursing yourself for even staring at his shirtless form. He pushed his wet hair out of his face, resulting in him having sort of a slick back hairstyle.

He was too busy talking to Hoseok and Jungkook who were still in the pool, his head completely turned away from you.

Right when you were about to look away, your eyes caught sight of the imprinted ink on his left rib. You didn’t think much of it as you turned away from him. But then something in your brain ticked you off like a time bomb. So you carefully turned back to him just a few feet away from you.

That’s when you saw it.

The dream catcher on his left rib is so prominent and bold against his milky skin. Not to mention his toned abs. A soft gasp left your lips as he walked past you without sparing a single glance at you.

But you didn’t mind it. You were glad he didn’t see how shocked you were because if it did, he would have said something about it.

So instead, you just got up and left, entering Jungkook’s home through the glass doors frantically. You rushed in and went straight to the said destination. Once inside, you took a moment to steady your breathing as you brought your gaze up to the long mirror that laid upon you on the wall landscape.

You carefully pulled your shirt up to expose the ink on your own skin. You could only stare at it through the reflection before looking down at your own torso and gently tracing your finger over the outer rim of the dream catcher’s hoop.

You didn’t know how long you were gone for. It wasn’t until a voice broke your train of thoughts.

“Was it really necessary to rush into someone’s house like-”

However, his speech got stuck in his throat when his eyes flickered over to the reflection in the mirror. No it wasn’t your face he was staring at. It wasn’t the soap bottles lining Jungkook’s sink.

It was your mark on your left rib.

You swiftly pulled your shirt down to hide it from him from seeing any more details of it. With quick hasty steps, you turned to leave the bathroom and had barely taken a step out into the hallway when he grabbed your wrist and pulled you back to face him.

“Show me.” He said firmly.

“Show you what?”

“Don’t play dumb, you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“I- I don’t know what you mean-”

Without warning, Yoongi used his free hand to lift your shirt up to stop right below your bra line as his hands naturally cupped your sides to keep your shirt there. He finally caught a clear look of the inked design on you, seeing how familiar it looked to him.

You could’ve sworn you saw his eyes flicked wider for just a millisecond before it went back to its original state.

For some reason, your lung felt restricted and your heart dropped upon seeing the same mark on his skin at the same exact spot as yourself. You wanted to run away. All you wanted to do now was to be as far away from him as you can.

So you slapped his hands away, making him lose his grip on you before you turned around to leave.

He grabbed your wrist again but this time, you mustered whatever strength you had left to yank your arm from him. Tears stinging your eyes as it threatens to fall, yet you don’t fully understand why.

“Don’t! J-Just… leave me alone… please.” Your voice falls into a whisper as you rush to the backyard, ignoring their worried calls as you simply told them you weren’t feeling well because of your monthly calls. When Yoongi did come back to the backyard, he was questioned as to what happened back in the house and why you looked like you were about to cry.

Yoongi couldn’t help but stare at your descending back just in time before you turned the corner and disappeared fully from sight. Only for him to lie to them despite knowing exactly why you left.

“She wasn’t feeling well.”

The week went by and you have been avoiding coming relatively close to the rest other than the 2 who were obviously unavoidable. But it’s not like you had anything against them. You just wanted to avoid Yoongi at all costs for now. It was a Friday and you had just finished your classes for the day when the two boys exchanged glances to each another before Jungkook spoke up.

“Hey, do you wanna grab something to eat with us after this?” You knew he was being nice. You knew he wasn’t to blame for Yoongi having the same exact soulmate mark as you. So for that, you chose not to lash out at him.

“It’s fine. I’ll pass.” You smiled half heartedly and they could tell. But thankfully, they chose not to question further.

The three of you were walking towards the main entrance as usual when you saw the rest of the group seeming to wait for you three. You glanced up to Jungkook beside you who gestured a small wave to the others, only for you to accidentally look over.

And the first thing you saw was Yoongi already looking at you.

Great.

Before you could get to close, you bid your goodbyes to your friends as you separated from them to head towards the gates. Nobody has yet to know why you were acting this way other than Yoongi himself. You were just halfway through the parking lot when a firm grip on your wrist made you turn after being tugged back gently.

You nearly crashed into the figure whom you weren’t surprised when you saw it was him.

“Stop acting like a child.” He said, his tone held something much more than just firmness. He sounded like he’s… hurt almost.

“So what? This marking thing is a load of bullshit. Why does it determine who we should be with? That’s unfair! I’ve seen couples who have different marks and yet they’re still happy together?!” You said, clearly letting your emotions take over your mind.

“If you think it’s bullshit then why are you ignoring me like I’ve just killed your pet?!” He asked, his voice now a tad louder than it was before.

“Because all the guys I’ve tried dating care too much about these marks! Every single one of them ditched me when they found out I didn’t have the same mark! And what are the odds that the one person who has the same exact mark as me, happens to be the one person that has been nothing but a daily source of fight with me?” You paused as his grip on you loosened, his glare suddenly softened.

“Of course I couldn’t believe it… I didn’t want to believe that of all people, it’s you… That’s why I ignore you.” Your voice grew soft as you saw the way his eyes flickered back and forth on your own brown pupils.

“So you’re saying you hate me? Is that it?” His question was simple but it held a thousand meanings and you knew it.

“I don’t even know anymore, Yoongi…” You whispered as you slowly pulled your hand out of his grip and quickly left before he could say anything else. Yoongi stood there trying to process everything. Still not entirely sure of what just happened. Just then, a gentle hand on his shoulder made him return back to reality.

“Hey man, you okay?” Namjoon’s calm voice spoke from beside Yoongi as the latter could only nod.

“We heard your conversation… Well, we didn’t intend to anyways… But, is it true? That you both have the same mark?” Namjoon continued.

He could hear the soft, quiet curse leaving Yoongi’s lips during his exhale before he spoke up, “Yeah… That was actually the reason why she abruptly left during Jungkook’s pool party.” Yoongi explained and it all began to fall into place for Namjoon. The younger could only nod as he finally put the pieces together.

“Mmm, and so I’m guessing she’s too overwhelmed with the fact that you have the mark out of a billion people to walk this planet?” Namjoon said.

“Bingo.” Yoongi sighed as the two began to walk back to their friends who were still gathered at the entrance despite hearing the commotion earlier. If space is what you need, then space is what he shall give. But of course, you can’t run from him forever.

It has been two weeks since your outburst with Yoongi and you have been keeping your distance from him again. The guys also didn’t try to tag you along knowing fully well that you needed space from Yoongi. For that, you silently thanked them. It was a Saturday night and you had made it a point to go for a quick grocery run to stock up your refrigerator with edible food.

After getting all the items you needed, you went to the queue. The lady at the counter scanned every item on the conveyor belt and went ahead to put it in the plastic bag before telling you the total cost.

You were about to reach into your jeans pocket when you noticed them being flat.

You felt around the pockets of your jeans and it was in fact empty. With that being said, you mentally cursed yourself for not bringing your wallet with you. Not only that, this store was the only one nearest to your apartment and it was closing in 10 minutes.

You wouldn’t make it back in time if you went home now to retrieve your wallet.

So you apologized to the lady who looked equally done with her job as you left the store empty handed. You were just walking down the partially empty street when you felt something drop onto your cheek. You stopped walking to feel what it was. Before you could touch your cheek, another drop hits the top of your head. And then another. And another.

“Fuck my life…”

You whispered to yourself as the sky suddenly began to downpour on you. Watching as some people ran across the road for shelter, some whips out their umbrella to shield them from the rain, some simply stayed indoors to avoid being caught in the rain.

However, you were too tired to even care about seeking shelter. Feeling as if today was the worst day of your life.

You continued to stroll down the street completely soaked under the rain.

You wrapped your arms around yourself in attempts to keep yourself warm but it clearly did no shit for you. Absent minded to notice your surroundings, you didn’t hear the calls for your name until the vehicle came to a gradual slow speed beside you on the street.

“Y/N!”

It was Yoongi.

“Leave me alone…”

“Y/N, why in the world are you walking in the heavy rain? You might fall sick, you dummy.”

“Who c-cares?” Your lips were starting to quiver from the cold.

“I do.”

You could’ve sworn your heart just skipped a beat at that response.

“Look, let me take you to my place and get you dry clothes while waiting for the rain to stop. I’ll send you home after.” He said.

“I d-don’t need your… h-help, Yoongi.”

He let out a soft groan in annoyance with your stubbornness, only to drive a little further down before bringing the car to a complete stop. You were about to carry on walking but your feet just came to a halt when you saw him running out of his car and coming to you.

“Come on and stop whining like a little kid.” Yoongi said as he grabbed your wrist and began jogging back to his car, pulling you into the passenger side before going back to the driver seat.

Once safely inside, he drove off into the night and made a left turn at the junction while your apartment building was to the right and probably about a 20 minutes walk. The car ride was quiet as neither of you said anything. You simply let him do what he said he would. When he finally brought the car to a park, he turned off the engine and soon climbed out of the vehicle.

You followed suit as he had already come over to your side to hold the door for you. After he’d locked the car, he led you to his apartment complex as you followed behind him. You took in the interior of his apartment complex, it looked slightly older than yours but still well maintained.

Apparently, he lived on the 14th floor unlike you who lived on the 5th floor.

He soon pulls out his house key and proceeds to unlock his front door. He opens the door for you, letting you step inside first. Once he had closed the door behind him, he told you to wait there as he excused himself to go get you a clean towel and new dry clothes for you to change into.

You took in the minimalist setting of his apartment, quite similar to yours except your walls are white and his is grey.

Yoongi came back with a handful, telling you where the bathroom was.

You followed his directions and soon closed the bathroom door once you’ve stepped inside. In the meantime, Yoongi had gone to change out of his own wet clothes into a clean pair of his sweatpants and a hoodie. He was boiling hot water to make hot chocolate for the two of you when you cleared your throat behind him.

He turned around at the sound, only for him to scheme through your outfit in which he had so specifically chosen for you. He had lent you one of his sleeping shorts and an oversized black hoodie that looked a little too big on you.

But for some reason, you looked good in them.

He almost had to pinch himself for staring too long before he finally spoke up, “Uhh, my dryer’s in the laundry room. Second door to the left.”

You nodded as you disappeared back down the hall, only for him to mentally curse himself for losing his composure. After 2 minutes or so, you came back having managed to turn the dryer on.

He handed you the cup of hot chocolate, not forgetting to thank him for it.

There was a short moment of peaceful silence before he gestured over to his living room. The both of you went over to the couch as you sat on either ends of the furniture. He turned his tv on and was busying himself with searching through Netflix when you mustered up the courage to ask him what was on your mind for the past half an hour.

“Why did you help me?”

Yoongi turned to you briefly, unsure if he should answer the question truthfully.

“As much as we fight, I’m not entirely heartless.”

Your eyes bore into him as you soon found yourself looking down at your hands when he turned to look at you. If it wasn’t for the tv, you knew for a fact that he could’ve heard the thumping of your heart. Silence fell over you two again but he broke it as soon as it started.

“Why were you walking in the rain?”

“I was on a grocery run.”

“But I don’t recall seeing you carry any bags of groceries?”

“That’s because I couldn’t pay for it without my wallet…”

He raised his eyebrows at you in disbelief, finding it ridiculous that you only realized it when you were checking out of the store.

“Shut up. This kind of stuff happens okay…” You scoffed, earning a quiet chuckle coming from him followed by an, “Okay, okay.” The room fell silent again and you were just playing with the strings of your hoodie.

Silently wishing for time to pass quicker but it seems like the rain only got heavier.

“Look, I think we should just forget about the whole marking thing and just… start over?” He said, causing you to look at him but he seemed like he was diligently avoiding your gaze.

“Start… over?” You dragged your words to show that you wanted a slightly more detailed explanation.

“What I mean is… let’s stop ignoring each other and stop fighting over the smallest little issues like we did when we were young. Back then we were still young and immature. But we’re not anymore, are we?” He ended with a question, making you huff.

You know he has a point but your ego is still higher than ever.

“Are you only saying this because I’m your soulmate?”

“No. I really am tired of fighting with you.”

“Why now? Why only want to call truce after you’ve seen my mark? Doesn’t that say a lot?” You were stubborn and he knows it. And yet, he still answers you to clear all your doubts.

Surprisingly patient with you.

“I know it might look like what you think, but it’s really not. I don’t care about the marking much like you. But after thinking about it, I feel like it’s actually childish to hold a grudge on each other for the things we’ve done years ago, don’t you think?” He explained, hoping it’ll get past that rock solid head of yours.

Your heart knows he’s right but your mind forces you to say otherwise.

With that, you huffed as you got up and excused yourself to go check on your clothes. Before you could make it past the first door on the left, he grabbed your wrist and tugged you back.

He pressed you against the wall with his other hand beside your head to trap you.

Your free hand hovered in between both yours and his chest as he was less than 4 inches away. Your faces were so close you could feel his breath hitting your lips. You would’ve slapped him if he did this years ago.

But now?

“Why are you so stubborn?”

He asked, his voice low as you kept your heated gaze on his eyes even though you saw the way his eyes flickered back and forth between your eyes and lips.

Rising heat from both anger and his body temperature radiated off him, engulfing you like a cocoon. You could’ve sworn you saw his pupils dilate a few times now that he was this close to you. It was quiet in the hallway as he frowned, still waiting for an answer from you. But instead, you gently pressed your hand on his warm chest that was in between your bodies.

This was enough to make him flinch slightly. His crammed face relaxed for a moment when he looked down at your hand on his chest before looking back at you.

Even more confusion struck him.

Your heart was racing rapidly in your chest, and you were so sure he could hear it. You couldn’t bear to look at him any longer so you looked down at your hand as you slid it up towards the necklace he was wearing. Playing with the pendant in between your fingers.

You didn’t realise this but his grip on your wrist was long gone and was now slowly snaking that arm around your waist.

Yoongi leaned in very subtly to let his lips brush against yours just to see your reaction. He closed his eyes, taking in the feeling of having you this close for the first time. You did the same as your other hand rested on his left bicep. Before you knew it, he closed whatever remaining gaps in between only to kiss you.

Your heart exploded in your chest as he used the hand beside your head to cup your cheek. You leaned into his touch while you reciprocated the kiss. Yoongi’s grip on your waist tightened as he pulled you against him.

He felt both your hands now just holding onto his biceps for support, his lips tugging upwards against your mouth.

You could feel his muscles flexing under your fingertips as he pulled away from your mouth and was now trailing soft kisses down your neck. A soft sigh left your lips, feeling him give some love to the part that joins your neck and shoulder blade together.

“Yoongi…” Your voice came out as a mere whisper.

Just when you wanted to say something, your breath hitched in your throat when you felt his hands slip past your shirt only to rest them on your sides when your mark was.

His touch was gentle but it definitely did something to your poor heart.

“Answer me truthfully… Are you okay with… this?” Yoongi asked, gesturing between you and him. “With us? Because you can say no if you’re really against this. I would never force you.”

You stared at him for a while, rethinking your answer. You’ve been so firm about not caring who has the same soulmate mark as you because you thought it was all bullshit. But now, standing in front of him and knowing that he has the mark, not only that but he seemed like he really genuinely likes you is making it twice harder for you to say no.

But your silence was too long for him as he counted to 3 in his mind. When you didn’t respond, he slowly nodded. Pulling himself away to leave a space between you.

“It’s okay, I understand… I think your clothes are dry. Go change, I’ll wait outside.” His voice was quiet as if he’s too upset, he can’t even look you in the eye. You felt bad. You never wanted him to feel this way. So when he turned in his heels to walk away, you yearned for him to come back.

Yoongi was halfway down his living room when he felt a smaller hand slide into his right one. His step came to a halt as he kept his back to you.

He was about to ask if there's something wrong but all he got was a soft apology.

“I’m sorry…”

You watched as he remained still, his back still facing you. Doing nothing to turn and look at you. Yoongi wasn’t sure what he wanted to do at the moment so he kept quiet.

Just then, you used your other hand to cup his that you were already holding. He would be lying if he said he didn’t like this. But he definitely wasn’t prepared for what you were about to do next. You weren’t sure if you trust your voice so instead, you took a few steps closer before wrapping your arms around his waist.

Pressing your cheek against his back. You stayed like that for a few seconds, basking in the sweet vanilla scent of his.

You could feel him tense up when you first hugged him but he soon relaxed in your arms.

You didn’t dare to do anything else, all until you felt him softly caress your arms only to lock his fingers with yours over top of your hands. You only nuzzled your face deeper into his back, afraid to look at him.

But when you feel him slowly move around in your arms, that’s when you let him face you.

The minute he sees your face, he immediately cups your cheeks and wasted no time in kissing you ever so sweetly. The butterflies in your stomach erupted as you snaked your arms around his shoulders, feeling him pull you closer to him by your waist.

He held you securely against him all the while never leaving your lips. You were the first to pull away, keeping the distance small between you and him.

Your eyes were still closed so you depended on your senses.

That wasn’t until you felt him cup your face again, caressing your cheek with his thumbs. The room fell silent as he brushed his soft lips against yours and whispered to you quietly, “Can we start over?”

You opted for just a nod, unsure if you could trust your voice. You opened your eyes to see him staring at you so softly with his doe round eyes.

Yoongi smiled, whispering an ‘okay’ before he kissed you again. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you melted against his lips. He took his time with you, making sure you were comfortable and that you really wanted this. He never wanted to hurt you in any way. He kept asking for your permission before he did anything and you appreciated it.

You woke up the next morning to a warm feeling engulfing you from behind. You stirred in your sleep, trying to see what it was. But the squeeze around your waist made you look down to see the familiar arm draped over your waist, tucking his hands underneath you. The silver bracelet around his right wrist could never be mistaken for someone else.

Just when you were about to snuggle deeper into the warmth of his body, you felt him kiss the back of your head. Your heart pounded in your chest, stomach flipped in your belly.

“Mmm, good morning.” He whispered, his morning voice low and raspy.

You sighed in content as you turned around to face him, only to find that he still had his eyes closed but there was a smile that crept on his lips.

With that, you smiled as you planted a soft kiss on his lips. You could feel him smirk against your lips, earning a soft giggle from you. His arm that was supporting your head, bent at the elbows as he began to play with your soft hair.

The next day, you came to school feeling a little down in the weather. Maybe it was a late reaction to when you got drenched in the rain. You were sniffling in your seat when Taehyung and Jungkook immediately caught the sight of your red nose.

“Hey, are you sick? Your nose is red.” Jungkook said, his voice laced with full concern. You simply shook him off saying it was just light flu.

The other two weren’t buying it, they said they would go get medicine for you after class and you all but rejected them. The last thing you’d wanna do was to burden them.

So after your morning class has ended and you have been dismissed for lunch, the three of you made it to the cafeteria only to find the rest of the guys already seated. But you and Yoongi still haven’t told them about your resolve yet. So they thought you two were still ignoring each other.

“Hey guys! Y/N? Are you okay? You look kind of pale…” Namjoon asked, making you smile.

“It’s just a little flu, that’s all.” You said, completely missing the way Yoongi was staring at you with pure concern.

“Do you wanna go home and rest?” Hoseok asked in which you shook your head, before a squeaky sneeze left your lips not forgetting to cover your mouth while you did. “Sorry…” You whispered an apology, earning a few laughs from them. Just then, Yoongi got up without a word, leaving the table.

You watched as he disappeared down the aisle towards the drink stall. You wondered what he was doing but nevertheless shrugged, going to the empty seats beside him and Jimin.

You took a seat beside Yoongi’s empty chair, not really having the appetite to eat.

You were just rejecting Jimin’s offer to feed you some of his food when Yoongi came back with a glass of hot tea, a bottle of water and a strip of two panadol flu tablets. The rest of them watched quietly as he sat down beside you and handed you the drinks.

“Here, take this.” He said softly, pulling your hand up to push the two tablets out of the strip onto your open palms.

“Oh? Since when are you guys on good terms?” Taehyung asked in utter confusion.

“We’re not. We’re just acting.” Yoongi replied sarcastically before twisting the bottle cap open for you. He waited for you to throw your head back and let the tablets fall into your mouth before gulping down the water.

After you were done, you thanked him quietly. You didn’t miss the little smirk on his face.

“Okay…” Seokjin said as he gently slammed his hands onto the table top, making some of you flinch.

“What’s going on? Last week you were both ignoring each other and now you’re taking care of her like she means the world to you?” He asked as you turned to Yoongi for help.

“Don’t you know the saying ‘People change’?” Yoongi said.

“Of course, but it’s almost too drastic. Just over the weekend too.” Seokjin said in disbelief.

“Well, I guess it happens.” Yoongi shrugged as Jungkook directed his question to you.

“So I’m guessing you too?”

“No. I still hate him.” You lied.

“Is that so? Then why are you holding his pinkie?” Hoseok smirked, pointing to your intertwined pinkie on the table. With that, you quickly removed your hands from Yoongi.

“Hey... Why did you let go? I was about to play with your fingers.”

Yoongi said with a small pout, making you blush. Just then, Yoongi reached back over to lace his fingers with yours, resting your hands on his lap only to steal a quick kiss to your cheek.

This stirred a few dramatic gasps from your other friends. “Did you guys see that?! That was- omg!” Seokjin’s voice was too loud, making Jimin cover his mouth with his hands.

“Oh hush your pie hole dust. Just let me be happy for once.” Yoongi smirked as you felt him caress the back of your hand. He’s definitely going to be a handful but you’re more than happy to entertain his crap.

~~~

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