#because agatha can be so very charming

[thymejot]

You have Death, personification of the cycle of life, has been wooed by multitudes not for who she is but the power she has, is so very good at what she does, stumbling across Agatha

Watching her manipulate and antagonise a bunch of witches while being such a smug asshole about it

Unable to help but laugh at her underhanded tactics

And being like, whelp I guess I'm in love now

[florencebirdsong]

More Than Duty

Agatha Harkness x Reader

Agatha All Along Week 2024 - Day 6

summary: you were given leave to choose your own bride until Agatha Harkness came along. Charmed and lured in by her promises of power, your King Father declared you were to be wed. Now, it's your wedding night and certain duties must be upheld.

Set in a world where one can get pregnant from a cum strap

tags: arranged marriage au, virgin reader, strap-on, breeding kink, fingering (r receiving), marking, pet names - princess & good girl, strap referred to as cock once, doggy style 

authors note: you're getting the largely unedited version for a little because if I have to read this one more time I'm going to despise it forever

Also don’t question the time I’m posting this I once again thought I only needed to write 100-200 more but it was actually OVER A THOUSAND. WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS. Ahem. Anyway, here’s day six which is almost three times as long as the others.

Reader is referred to as princess multiple times, mentioned royal wedding dress, specified looking for a bride, described as wearing a plain night shift.

ao3 | masterlist

“I know this isn’t exactly what you had in mind, dear. But there’s no reason not to enjoy ourselves tonight.”

Your hands twist nervously in your simple shift. Your wedding dress had been elaborate. It needed more than one person to get you out of it. Which is not ideal for a wedding night.

You hadn’t had this in mind, exactly. You’d thought you had convinced your father to let you choose your own bride, as long as she met a few of his somewhat reasonable specifications. But then Lady Agatha Harkness had walked into his court. You don’t know whether it was her disarming charm, the power she holds, the boon to the kingdom the exchange would have or his own personal gain but he decided Lady Harkness would be the perfect match for you. He also decided you needed to get married the moment the decision was made. 

Thankfully, a royal wedding took months to prepare and you would have some time to get to know your future bride. Not that you had spent much time with her in the end. Only a few dinners here and there. She’s a busy woman, running her own region which she needed to organise another taking over. She can’t look after it and a whole kingdom, after all. Something she insisted despite your father’s good health. She also spent a lot of time with the court. Learning what her new duties will be and charming her way into their good graces.

It would be unnerving if you weren’t so relieved. One of the suitors your father had originally brought forward had no interest in what her royal duties would have been as Queen. Running a kingdom on your own would have been nothing short of hell.

So, small mercies. 

“Darling,” she says and you try not to startle.

She’s so much closer than before. She cautiously raises a hand to cup your cheek, like you’re a scared animal. You lean into it, eager to soak up any affection she gives you, and her thumb gently brushes over your skin.

“I know you’re nervous but we both have royal duties to attend to.”

You swallow harshly and look down. This is more than duty for you. You’re ashamed to admit you’ve been looking forward to this night. To having Agatha’s sole attention on you. You’ve dreamed about what could happen, what she’ll be like. 

You’ve only been told the very basics. That your wife will enter you with a specially designed device. That it may hurt for a moment but you will feel ‘a pleasure-like feeling’ afterwards. No one would explain exactly what that means. It makes you both more nervous and more excited. The only thing you know about the device is its shape and its intended use. Continuing the royal line.

“I know. It’s just,” you hesitate although Agatha has likely guessed already, “I’ve never done this before.”

“I’m aware,” she says and you flick your eyes up in time to see something flash in her eyes. “I promise to be gentle,” she says softly, a voice you haven’t heard from her before. You gently grasp the wrist of the hand cupping your cheek and nuzzle the hand. “The royal line must continue and it must be of your blood.”

You nod and leave the safety of her caress to cautiously lean closer. She waits for you to come to her and she waits for the first brush of your lips to move. She presses closer and her hands grab your waist and pull you against her. You make a surprised sound and cling to her shoulders for balance. Which you immediately lose as she begins to walk you backwards. The back of your knees hit the bed and she guides you to lay down in the middle of it. It’s hard to notice any of it with the feel of her lips against yours. The way her hands slide along your exposed skin as she leads you doesn’t help. She can’t keep her lips on you the entire time but you don’t mind so much until she pulls away properly. You chase her lips but she stops you with a hand dangerously low on your chest. 

Whatever look you’re giving her makes her eyes darken. One hand travels to the hem of your shift. You grab her wrist without thinking, anxiety rearing its head again. No one has seen you naked like this before. With the intention to- to touch. To feel.

“Let me see you,” she says, her voice firm.

You slowly relax your grip. This is your wife and someone who has shown how eager she is to see you undressed. She isn’t going to laugh or mock you. Your fingers slip from her wrist and she pulls your shift the rest of the way off.

It feels exposing in a way you haven’t felt before. You try to cover yourself instinctively but her hands grab your wrists and holds them down as she has her fill. You squirm but she doesn’t release you. Instead, she leans down and begins to suck deep, purple marks along the curve of your breast. It feels better than you were expecting it to (how can something feel so good when it isn’t down there?) but it doesn’t come close to the feeling of her lips wrapping around the stiff peak of your nipple. You gasp and arch into her. She flicks her tongue and your hand tangles in the thick curls of her hair. She does it again and a small whimper escapes you. You can feel her smile. She begins to trail kisses again and you think she’s going to repeat the same delicious thing until you realise she’s heading down instead of across.

“Wait,” you say, moving your hand to land on her shoulder. She lazily raises her head to look at you.

“Yes, princess?” she says in a tone you don’t have a name for.

It makes something spark between your legs and you determinedly ignore it to be able to speak.

“I want to see you too,” you try to speak as confidently as she did but there’s the tiniest waver to your voice.

She quirks an eyebrow before sitting up, taking her warmth with her. She pulls her own shift off and you think you understand her reaction. She’s beautiful. Your eyes devour every detail from her dark eyes to her pebbled nipples to-

Oh. You stare at it with wide eyes. It had looked so much smaller on the page. 

“Don’t worry, dear. Your body knows what to do.”

She leans back over you and the thing hanging between her thighs nudges your most sensitive spot. She muffles your whimper with a kiss. You cling to her. Excitement and anxiety swirling into a heady mix as she slowly, slowly begins to push inside of you.

“A-Agatha,” you say, your voice high and needy.

Agatha shushes you quietly and continues to slowly push inside of you. Your legs open wider instinctively. It doesn’t help with the stretching feeling. Nor the building tingling sensation. She continues to steadily push inside of you and the slight pain is overshadowed by the feel of her. Her hands tight on your hips, breath hot against your neck, her hips slowly getting closer and closer to yours.

“That’s it. Take it.”

You spread your legs wider, trying to do what she says. You don’t know why she felt the need to say it. You feel so full you can’t do anything but take it.

“Agatha,” you gasp as she bottoms out, nails digging in as you try to ground yourself.

She groans again and her next thrust is harsher than her last one. It forces a whining moan from you as it hits something inside of you that feels so good.

“Knew I had to have this sweet cunt the moment I saw you,” she grunts and settles into a slower, rougher pace. You can’t help the little noise you make every time she bottoms out. “When I found out about this little ritual of yours, I knew I had to fill this sweet cunt.”

Every word builds an unfamiliar fire inside of you. You don’t know what’s happening to you, what she’s doing to you,  but you can feel how big it’s going to be big. The feeling of your pleasure growing as it builds drowns out any worry you may have had. 

You wrap your legs around her waist and pull her tight against you, moaning at how full you feel. It forces Agatha to still.

“Princess,” she says warningly but you don’t care because that thread snaps inside of you.

Pure, unadulterated pleasure flows through you and you’re aware of nothing else.

You come back down to Agatha’s face hovering over yours, eyes devouring your every twitch.

“I- what?” you say, completely at a loss for words.

“You just came dear. And I just came in you,” the look on her face mirrors one of a cat that got the cream.

“You…” you stare up at her with wide eyes as you pulse at those words. “But you didn’t…?” you ask after a moment.

“No,” she confirms and your face drops. Her hand cups your cheek and you lean into the touch. “It’s the best time to do it to get the results we want.”

“R-Right,” you stutter and look away, somehow embarrassed by that while she’s still inside of you.

“But you can make it up to me,” she says and you nod eagerly, missing the darker edge to her pleased smile. She pulls out and you whimper at the sudden empty feeling. Her hands grip your hips again and you squeak as she manhandles you onto your stomach and then onto your knees. You automatically put your hands under you but a hand on the back of your head pushes your front back down. A pillow finds it way under your hips. This is a position you weren’t taught about.

Agatha’s hands run down your sides, over your hips, down your ass and stop at your thighs. Her thumbs gently hook around your inner lips and you whimper quietly at the feeling, especially since it feels like you’re dripping.

“You look so good full of my cum,” she says in a rough voice.

You feel that clenching feeling again and she chuckles lowly. Fingers brush your sensitive entrance and your hips jerk in surprise before needily pressing back against them. They start low and move up before gently pushing into you. Embarrassment flares through you when you realise that dripping feeling wasn’t just a feeling. She doesn’t comment though. Instead, she languidly pumps her fingers in and out of you, seeming content to enjoy the way you squeeze around her.

“Too bad I can’t feel this when filling you,” she sighs. You want to protest, you feel plenty full right now, but you know what she means. The idea of her pushing her strap back into you has you pressing back on her fingers again. “Probably a good thing. I’d never let you leave this bed.”

You whimper and try to open you legs wider, begging her to understand what you need. She must because she removes her fingers and a moment later the tip of her strap is dragging teasingly through your folds. You arch more, trying to get her inside of you again and unconsciously presenting for her. She groans and fills you with one thrust. She starts slow but hard, making you feel every inch of her. It doesn’t take you long to become a moaning mess again. Sinking into a hazy place you have’t been before. Filled with Agatha grunting above you, her cock filling you, her nails digging into your delicate skin. It’s all you could want.

Agatha gets louder, and slightly higher, and you realise the same thing that happened to you is happening to her. She’s coming. And you don’t get to watch her. 

A strange warmth fills you, one you didn’t notice last time. Agatha leans her forehead against the back of your neck, breathing heavy. 

“Good girl,” she says in such a deep voice that your toes curl.

You stay there for a long moment. Agatha buried deep inside of you, catching her breath as you try to even your own, fire still licking up your insides. It’s an awful sort of tease when she pulls out.

She removes the pillow and pushes you onto your side. Instead of getting up like you’re expecting, she curls around your back. Her fingers trail a light path down from your hip and your muscles jump at the feeling. They stop just above the sensitive button she’s so far neglected.

“Agatha? What’re you- “ you cut yourself off with a gasp as her finger begins to gently circle your clit.

“We have to make sure it sticks, don’t we?” she says.

You were so close to the edge before that it only takes a few firm circles and a swipe to fall over it again. It’s a lot gentler this time but it still has your body locking up in pleasure. Agatha leisurely strokes you through your high, her nose lightly nuzzling the back of your neck.

Her hand moves back to your hip and you bask in the warm afterglow.

Some time later, when both of your breathing has calmed and you’ve slipped into that soft space between awake and sleep, you decide that your mouth is dry enough to drag yourself out of bed for a drink. You don’t get far.

Agatha grabs you arm and rolls you onto your back. You give her a confused look as she climbs back on top of you.

“You are not leaving this bed until there’s no possible way I haven’t put a baby in you.”

[ennn]

Agatha x Rio Fic Recs

We're a couple of weeks out post-finale and I've read enough fics to recommend a new bunch! You can find my first pre-finale recs here – usual YMMV disclaimer applies. In no order:

— real hot ghoul shit – by @tadpoleeater

WIP. Rio's finally done pursuing. Agatha's been introduced to reality TV. It's hilarious with emotional gut punches – just like the show!

— one good honest kiss (and i'll be alright) – by @tadpoleeater

5 times they kissed. Messy, beautifully angsty, but hopeful at the end.

— now I understand, and it’s time to leave the woods – by @paddingtonfan69

Romantic, moving, absolutely heartbreaking, while also silly at times. This second chapter has perhaps my favourite backstory scenes.

— you’re here, there’s nothing I fear – by @paddingtonfan69

Titanic fic. Rio and Agatha chance upon each other on Rio's work trip. That iceberg is really inconvenient.

— you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you – by @alilbitgaywrites

WIP. A fix-it fic but it's going to hurt a lot before it gets better. Also some of my favourite backstory scenes. The banter, the tragedy, the beauty, the heartbreak.

— you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me – by @alilbitgaywrites

For more fluff and less angst (there's still angst, it's these two of course there is). Rio wants a vacation but Agatha can't stop summoning her to her crime scenes.

— primal night – by Palmarion

AU. Rio is death, Agatha is human and they meet one Halloween night at Rio's bar. Nicky happens unexpectedly. A comforting romantic story.

— coven of chaos – by @trickofthelights

WIP. Crack but taken so seriously and written fantastically well. Rio/Agatha/Wanda and their very weird found family. Everyone lives!

— death is no parenthesis – by @littledata

WIP. This time it's Rio who's stuck in a spell and Agatha is the one doing the nudging. Too bad about the creepy dreams of death.

— A Wretched Soul – by @motherconfessors

WIP. Porn with plot... with a side of food? Agatha makes a new deal with Rio so she can get her purple back. What Rio's asking for is surprising.

— how the dead walk – by obsetress

Ghost!porn with plot. Agatha and Rio have a messy reconciliation. Ghost sex is really tricky, especially when feelings are involved.

— because i could not stop for death (she kindly stopped for me) – by shy_one

WIP. Their many meetings over the centuries, over numerous misdeeds and murders. A dark, beautiful, epic journey.

— the path ahead – by @a-couple-of-notes

A happier canon-divergent ending. Jen opens a school for witches, her remaining coven members return to help. Charming and hopeful and healing.

— Rabbit Heart – by @sapphoshands

Post-finale scenes featuring our favourite Señor Scratchy.

[you-remind-me-of-the-babe]

Hi all! It’s still Wednesday in my neck of the woods so I’m going to go ahead and share before retiring to bed.

I have the week off from work and have finally had a concentrated bit of time to devote to my @carryon-reverse-bang fic. After picking at this idea for weeks and not getting very far I decided to start over again (3rd times the charm, right?) and shift the tone, length and move it to 3rd person POV. I feel like I’m getting some traction, so hopefully this is the version I stick with 🤪

It’s not as if Baz has never found one of the grooms he’s worked with attractive. He is human after all. (And oh so very gay.) But he’s always been able to remain perfectly professional.

Baz does not feel the least bit professional when he enters the dance studio. It is not professional to find your eyes wandering, unbidden, over every inch of your beautiful client’s body. It shows an utter lack of control when the sight of his crooked smile turns Baz’s stomach into jelly. In fact, Baz is quite sure all of the will power he has won’t be enough to get him through this dance lesson unscathed. He still isn’t sure why he’s even here. Aren’t there other people the Wellbeloves know who could fill in for Agatha? Doesn’t the dance studio have someone they could procure? Wouldn’t it even make sense to reschedule this lesson to a day that the actual bride could make it? If Baz didn’t know any better, he’d think he was the victim of some elaborate prank. His eyes scan the corners of the room for evidence of hidden cameras because that would make far more sense than enlisting your wedding planner to partner with your soon to be husband while he learns the steps to your bride and groom dance.

Ten million pound wedding. Ten million pound wedding. Don’t fuck this up, Basil.

Send me good vibes so I can take this sucker to the finish line!

Tags/hellos/etc

@whatevertheweather @cutestkilla @bookish-bogwitch @rimeswithpurple @artsyunderstudy

@facewithoutheart @thewholelemon @emeryhall @shrekgogurt @run-for-chamo-miles

@that-disabled-princess @monbons @orange-peony @wellbelesbian @aristocratic-otter

@harrie-leithillustration @iamamythologicalcreature @pato-roldnart @talentpiper11 @forabeatofadrum

@prettygoododds @blackberrysummerblog @fiend-for-culture @drowninginships @larkral

@theimpossibledemon @mooncello @noblecorgi @roomwithanopenfire

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 民国奇探/My Roommate is a Detective.

My Roommate is a Detective is a 2020 drama about the Jazz Age shenanigans of a terrible OT3: a useless noodle boy, a spoiled journalist girl, and a handsome thug-turned-cop, who together solve Agatha Christie mysteries in 1920s Shanghai.

I mean, seriously, have you ever wondered what Hercule Poirot would be like if he were a 6'2" Chinese rubber man? If he had a long-suffering sugar daddy from the wrong side of the tracks and a spunky sugar mommy who owned their shared apartment? The answer is, it would be a laugh-out-loud-funny series about a ridiculous and charming assortment of weirdos solving only slightly believable murder mysteries in charming period clothing.

This is another one of those shows where I'm kind of shocked at how not well-known it is, except I'm not, because I can see exactly the problems that keep fandom from descending on it like horny little vultures. Nonetheless, I think it's a good time that more people would enjoy if they gave it the chance. Here's five reasons why you should:

1. Equal parts smart as heck and dumb as butts

On the one hand, especially given its tone and tenor, this show has many surprisingly clever turns and thoughtful moments, carried along by some talented actors. On the other hand, [.gif of a guinea pig in a rollerskate being pushed merrily down a hallway]

This show is not a complicated intellectual exercise. It's an action comedy about a goofy sleuth, a rich-girl reporter, and the cop who should be the straight man in this trio, except he's as much of a goober as the other two are. If the promotional tableaus are giving you real "cover of a Clue box" vibes, you've understood the kind of pastiche it's pulling off.

The mysteries are preposterous. They're all the kind of thing that exemplify the Doyle line about how, when you've eliminated the impossible, whatever's left has got to be the answer, no matter how ding-dang improbable it may be. You know the type: tons of overly elaborate setups, unbelievably perfect timing, coincidental long-lost relatives, people hallucinating right and left. They're also very short -- most full cases take only 2-3 episodes to introduce, investigate, and resolve, even when interspersed with the larger goings-on in these weirdos' lives. The DramaWiki page for the show lists 23 separate arcs over 36 episodes, so you do the math.

And yet, it's way more thoughtful and clever than its doofy little setup would indicate. Its attention to detail surprised me on more than one occasion. Add to that a bunch of solid performances from an ensemble of real characters, and what you get is definitely more substantive than a junk-food waste of time. You can't turn your brain off while watching it, but you sure can turn it down, and that's great.

It also doesn't hurt that everyone is super attractive and wearing great outfits. The whole show's worth it for the wardrobes.

2. THE GIRL

Fuck the haters, fuck everyone, I am going to climb right up on my little soapbox and tell you all why Bai Youning is awesome.

She is insane. She's a troll. She's a clever little monster. Every other character's response to her is, oh my god, you are literally the worst. And she is! She has been spoiled beyond belief by her incredibly rich Crime Dad, and she has learned to leverage her uwu just a widdle girl status to get her whatever the hell she wants. She simply cannot hear it when someone says the word "no." She will look her future sister-in-law in the eye and point a loaded gun at her own head without blinking. Every ball she has is made of brass.

She's hardly perfect. During the course of the show, there are some times where her entitlement runs face-first into the brick wall of reality. She's not nearly as good at her chosen career path as she's been told (mostly by the people who get paid to tell her she's good). She's rarely prepared to deal with the consequences of her actions, especially when she can't just throw money at the problem.

So she learns, and grows, and changes. She's always going to be a stubborn bitch, but she can become a stubborn bitch with a more accurate conception of her relationship to the world around her.

She's actually a really good romantic foil for Lu Yao, who is equally stubborn and spoiled and obnoxious as hell. It is a pure brat4brat relationship, where each one thrives on comically enraging the other. What this means, though, is that when they actually start showing one another some vulnerability, it's really sweet.

Now: I'm pretty sure that you could not have made a female character in her position that everyone did not hate, no matter how cool you made her, because that is the fate of all girls who theoretically keep the two boys from kissing. (More on that next point.) If she were less outgoing and friendly, she would've been hated for being too cold. If she were less headstrong, she would've been hated for being a pushover. If she weren't as into the boy, she would've been hated for being frigid. I know the "god forbid a woman do anything" meme is a joke, but ... man, god forbid this girl do anything. She gets a level of hate entirely disproportionate to what she's actually like. As I said with Eom Dada, it's not always sexism, but sometimes, yeah, it's sexism.

(Real talk: Her character is also fighting both how she's definitely not written as well as the boys are and how the plot sometimes needs her to be artificially stupid and jealous for Straightness Drama Reasons, so that's a legit problem on a structural level. Also, she's dubbed by someone else and the boys aren't, which gives her voice an annoying not-quite-there quality that's hard to ignore. The deck is stacked against her real hard even before she steps onscreen.)

So here's my advice: Go into this show wanting to like her. Embrace her terribleness as a positive, intentional quality. Don't be mad at her for straightening up an endgame that was never going to be gay, even without her. Welcome her contributions to the chaos. Realize that she is exactly as entertainingly irritating as her boys are.

Truly, this is a story of three terrible people in love. They're all just awful, and you wouldn't want to be in a room with any of them for longer than you had to. Left to right up there, Bai Youning is spoiled and self-absorbed, Lu Yao is arrogant and lazy, and Qiao Chusheng is suuuuuch a fucking cop. If you're into the kind of dynamic that can only be described OT3: You All Deserve One Another, then this one's perfect for you.

3. Do you really miss '00s queerbaiting?

Like, really? Are you just super-nostalgic for being able to see the showrunners go, ha ha, girls, we know you're watching and we know you want these cute boys to kiss, which they never will -- but what if we pretended for just this one scene??? Do you just carnally ache for that with every fiber of your being?

Yep.

Now, why am I calling the occasional really gay moments between these two gentlemen "queerbaiting" and not "bromance"? Because these moments are a) obviously intentional, b) completely sporadic, and c) never spoken of again.

For example: There's a scene (which you can see a gifset of here) where the two of them are at a restaurant frequented by the cop, who brings a lot of ladies there on dates. When the waiter points this out, useless noodle boy says, I'm his date. The waiter looks mildly surprised by this, the cop says not to listen to his bullshit, and that's the end of it. The scene moves on. There is no further discussion of this comment. It does not affect their relationship.

That's the essence of queerbaiting: that little on-purpose nod to the homoerotic tension between the two, in a way that isn't a joke but also isn't not a joke, and either way is never going to happen. (In fact, the show is going to go out of its way to make sure that ship gets sunk, so, uh, get your fanfiction lifeboats ready for that.)

A true queerbaiting move is something that should make a difference in a relationship, but doesn't. It should make a difference that our cop is so comfortable in the noodle boy's personal space that he invades it at will. It doesn't. It should make a difference that noodle boy keeps getting real weird every time the cop has a date with a girl. It doesn't. Those are some real romantic moves the two of them keep pulling, and then nothing comes of them.

I had this show sold to me as being incredibly shippy, to the point of being even more so than its censored-BL contemporaries. And ... well, it is and it isn't. It has textually gayer individual moments, but it is much less pervasively gay. It's clear from the start that it's going to throw all its actual relationship points into its canon het romance. When it comes to these boys, the show is toying with you. It knows you want to see those boys smooch, just as much as it knows (and it knows you know) they're never gonna.

How you feel about this is entirely up to you -- and indeed, it may be a dealbreaker on the whole drama for you. If you are inclined to pitch a fit when your ship does not become canon, you'll be happier somewhere else. If, however, you see this as a delightful opportunity to do whatever the hell you want with the situation as it is presented, all the while enjoying little moments of startlingly blatant homoeroticism between two handsome dudes, well, here you are!

(I mean, if you want my take on it, what needs to happen is that the cop and the girl need to fuck while the useless noodle boy watches with asexual bisexual interest, and then they all need to snuggle with the noodle boy in the middle so they can both annoy him appropriately, but your mileage may vary.)

4. The multicultural extravaganza!

1920s Shanghai had a lot going on in terms of cultures and languages, and this show actually does a fair job of representing that.

By now, I've seen a number of shows set during this era, and they all at least acknowledge the international nature of the city -- usually by mentioning the French Concession and having a handful of evil Japanese characters. However, this is the first time I've seen a show go to such lengths to actually show so many non-Chinese characters onscreen, even to the point of making one a recurring character supporting the main squad.

Salim is the best. Whatever he is being paid, it's not enough. He's Qiao Chusheng's right-hand man, which means he is also the dude who most often has to put up the main trio's bullshit. (The actor himself is also a dude with a pretty cool backstory, which is another great layer.) He's sharp, he's loyal, he's patient, and he looks great with his shirt off. He's got it all!

Other non-Chinese characters include a white Jewish art collector (I'd issue a warning for period-typical antisemitism, except … honestly, it's mostly just confused), a sadistic priest who maybe is supposed to be Italian, a completely different priest who [last episode spoiler], and three whole sinister white dudes behind it all.

It's not just the world coming to China, though! A large number of the Chinese characters are said to have spent significant time outside of China, whether for business or for schooling. Near the end, when some characters are discussing moving away from Shanghai, they consider a number of foreign cities as potential destinations.

Here's a delightful detail: When Lu Yao and his sister speak English, they're dubbed by actors with posh British accents who sound like native (or near-native) English-speakers. This makes perfect sense, because both of the siblings did a lot of their schooling in the UK. When Bai Youning speaks English, she's dubbed by someone who speaks English very well but also has a noticeable Chinese accent, which makes perfect sense for her character's background. And Qiao Chusheng never speaks English at all, because he's a street tough who has no reason to know more than three words.

...This is also kind of weird to say about something literally made in China, but go with me on it: Everything's kind of got that Art Deco Orientalist vibe to it. It looks like China's idea of what Britain's idea of China during that period would have looked like. The result comes across less like what 1920s Shanghai would actually have looked like, and more what an ad for 1920s Shanghai would have looked like. It's a fascinating aesthetic, and more so for how it's mostly pretty subtle. The show isn't some visual extravaganza, but it's always very nice to look at, and I appreciate that in a show.

5. A wonderful horrible protagonist

A lot of mystery-themed prestige television involves an asshole genius detective who gets away with being a dick to everyone because he's sooooo smart, while all his long-suffering friends and colleagues spend a lot of time doing damage control for him because, sigh, he's an asshole but we need him, genius excuses all dickhead behavior, we'll always make exceptions for him because he's just ever so special. (Watch histrionic sage hbomberguy's video on Sherlock if you're unfamiliar with the trope.)

Lu Yao is an asshole genius detective, but one who winds up spending most of his time being an asshole to a) people who deserve it, or b) his horrible friends who will be assholes right back at him. When he is awful to the people who don't deserve it, the show smacks him pretty hard on the nose for it and makes him apologize.

This is a show where you'll figure out pretty quckly if you'll love it or hate it, because if you love Lu Yao, you'll love it, and vice versa. He carries most of the show himself, with his goofy charm and his incredibly bendy slenderman body and his ability to make the one competent person he knows both protect him and give him money.

Like so.

For my own part, I find him intensely charming, and I think a lot of this has to do with Hu Yitian's ability to play him as an affectionately bullyable weenie who needs to get shoved in a locker for his own good. He's the worst, and it's comically endearing instead of offputting because at the end of the day, he really does have a good heart. He's just also lazy as heck and disinclined to do anything that he does not want to be doing, and really, aren't we all?

As I alluded to in point 3, he comes across as real asexual. He's just not that interested in sex, and he is in fact pretty uncomfortable in situations where he finds himself the subject of someone else's sexual desires. He's perfectly capable of romantic feelings! I mean, not only does he get Bai Youning as a love interest, we actually meet one of his ex-girlfriends. He's just not partciularly horny about them -- which is even more noticeable as a sharp contrast to how extremely horny Qiao Chusheng is for just about everyone, but this exasperating little dork in particular.

(Like seriously, 90% of the time, Chusheng is about to explode with sexual frustration at Lu Yao's skinny oblivious ass.)

This isn't to say you couldn't get Lu Yao into bed, because you absolutely could, and he'd probably have a good time. You'd just have to remove all distractions from the room, lest his ADHD ass wind up running off to solve a crime mid-coitus.

Twiggy little nightmare man. Garbage-animal boy. Love him.

sidebar: A word about the ending

I'm going to be vague and talk about general vibes instead of specific events, but you should still skip this section if you want to remain completely unspoiled. Jump to the picture of Chusheng holding the sledgehammer.

Okay, so, a lot of people do not like the ending, and I'm including myself in that number. I honestly don't know if they got rushed and had to wrap everything pretty last-minute, or if they thought they might get a second season out of it and were leaving things open-ended accordingly. Either way, it's incredibly unsatisfying.

I think there's a clue that the show didn't actually want to end this way, and it's not actually in the text of the show itself. Every episode, between the last scene and the start of the credits, you get to see a couple still frames from the episode (usually some of the queerbaity ones). After the very final shot of the series, you get two images: the boys hugging goodbye, and Chusheng's upset face. That's not a resolution! That is at best a "to be continued..." ending!

But no, that's it. That's all, folks.

It's not quite an ending so bad it ruins the rest of the show, mostly because it doesn't feel finished, so it's less like you're watching a car being deliberately driven into a wall because someone thought that was the best route to take, and more like you're watching someone leave a car on the railroad tracks because they figured they'd have time to move it later.

As far as I know, there has been no noise made about a second season. These 36 episodes are the entirety of the narrative. It had the distinct misfortune to start airing in March 2020, which wasn't exactly prime time for planning sequels, and that seems to have been that. (There is a 2022 show called Checkmate that stars the two main guys in extremely similar roles, also adapting Agatha Christie stories, but it's apparently pretty meh? Somebody else who's actually seen it, go ahead and weigh in here.)

I'll say that if you turn off the episode right after Lu Yao gets out the handcuffs, you'll save yourself the worst of it the awkward and unsatisfying moments (though I'm impressed at your willpower to stop watching something five minutes from the end). That's not all of it, though. Structurally, there are several situations rushed to a resolution and loose threads left flapping untied in the breeze. I guess stopping before the last five minutes simply saves you the hope that it'll pull a good ending out of the fire, because it won't.

And let's be real: The more you hate Bai Youning and her romance with Lu Yao, the more you'll hate the ending. (Not that liking those elements will necessarily make you like the ending, of course, because I'm a fan of hers and I still think the ending is butts.) The ending is already like a pair of uncomfortable shoes; if the het romance especially makes you grind your teeth, the ending becomes a pair of uncomfortable shoes that also have a rock in them. A lot of the comments online indicate plenty of people dropped the show when they learned the het romance would be endgame. It's a pretty common dealbreaker.

Oh well. Bring on the fanfic, I say! Those of us who are used to taking a sledgehammer to canon are unafraid.

Smash it, baby.

Still want to see some of these mysteries?

Both iQiyi and Viki have the answer to your sleuthing!

It's not a perfect show -- as evidenced by my digression about the ending -- but it's a lot of fun. If you can handle the occasional foible and some eyebrow-raising moments, you're in for a good time with some attractive people that occasionally tastes very gay.

Every roommate crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man

[bigasswritingmagnet]

Helpful, in a Heterodyne Kind of Way

inspired by this post, Saturnus Heterodyne, doting grandfather, attempting to find Agatha a PROPER boyfriend

AO3 Link

“No.”

Saturnus blinked.

“Did you say something, dear?”

Teodora approached like a tidal wave and hit about as hard. Saturnus went stumbling back, clutching at his jaw, but Teodora kept coming, punctuating her words with hard jabs to his chest.

“You will not kill my sons. You will abdicate to Bill. You will let him rule Mechanicsburg, his way, and you will like it, or so help me, Saturnus Heterodyne, I will break you.”

Saturnus stared at his wife, who seemed to tower over him like the god queens of old.

“…yes, dear.”

“I don’t like him.”

Agatha rolled her eyes, but did it fondly.

“You never like any of them.”

“And I definitely don’t like this one. Sturmvoraus, pah! And a Valois! Weaselly little devils, with their poisons and their smoke knights and their secret assassinations…”

“I’m sorry, you don’t like them because they kill people?” Agatha asked, raising her eyebrows.

“They don’t kill people properly!” Saturnus bellowed, thumping his fist down on the arm of his chair. “The only reason a man needs to poison a knife is because he’s not good enough to kill you without it!”

“Well, I thought he was very charming.”

“That sister of his had promise,” Saturnus said, perking up a little. “There’s a girl who understands leadership.”  

“She wanted to flense the servants because they didn’t hem her dress correctly.”

“So she’s a bit of a project,” Saturnus said, dismissively. “You always liked a challenge.”

“I think I’ll give this particular one a miss, thanks,” Agatha said, with deep amusement.

Saturnus’ expression grew serious, and he gripped her hand tightly.

“I know you’re all grown up, and you don’t need looking after anymore—especially not by some miserable old codger,” he said, earnestly, “but when I’m gone—”

“Grandfather, please,” Agatha said, rolling her eyes. “You’re not that old—”

“When I’m gone,” Saturnus continued, insistent, “I want to go knowing you’ve got a partner in life who will make you happy. Someone who can keep up with you, support you, love you properly. Someone who deserves you.”  

“Someone who would be willing to help me burn Europa to the ground if I suddenly decide to take up the family traditions?” Agatha asked, with a quirk of a smile.

“Well, that goes without saying.”

Agatha’s smile spread, becoming soft and genuine. She leaned down and kissed the top of her grandfather’s head.  

“You are a terrible old man,” she said, “and I love you very much.”

She slipped out of the room. When her footsteps faded into the distance, Saturnus sighed and maneuvered his chair—a fantastic device Agatha had built him, with dozens of little legs that could navigate the castle's many stairs and even the steep road down to Mechanicsburg—over to the window.

After a few minutes, he saw his granddaughter emerge from the castle, followed at a respectable distance by two Jӓger guards.

“She’s the Lady of Mechanicsburg,” he said aloud. “She deserves an equal. She deserves the best. Certainly deserves better than her father got.”

Oh yes, Lucrezia Mongfish. Saturnus had approved, quite profusely, even encouraged Bill to see her. And how had that ended?

With a war that nearly leveled Europa, Bill and Barry vanished, a grave smaller than its headstone, and a little girl named Lady of Mechanicsburg before she was twelve.  

Perhaps he should know better than to meddle, after all that.

‘I did overhear a very interesting conversation between Master Tarvek and his sister.’

“Hmm?” Saturnus said, only half-listening.

‘Do you recall Master Bill and Barry’s friend, Klaus Wulfenbach?’

Saturnus screwed up his face.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous, he’s far too old for her!”

‘I was actually thinking of his son. Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, heir to the Wulfenbach Empire?’

Saturnus rubbed his chin, thoughtfully. The Wulfenbach Empire was impressive, and Klaus was ruling with a proper, iron fist—while remaining respectful of Mechanicsburg’s continued autonomy, which Saturnus could only assume was Klaus being smart enough not to start a war he couldn’t win.

“Mmm,” he said, reluctantly. “But Klaus did have his hero phase, running around Europa with the boys, fixing all kinds of problems. That sort of thing can be heritable, you know.”

Just look at Agatha! Nature over nurture his left foot.

‘Not a concern,’ the castle said, smoothly. ‘The boy is adopted.’

“Really?” Saturnus said, now more interested. “Do we know his background, then?”

‘Do you remember Petrus Teuful?’

Saturnus froze. Slowly he raised his head to look at the ceiling.

“Petrus Teuful?”

‘Oh yes.’

“The Black Mist Raiders, that Petrus Teuful?”

‘The very same.’ The castle was very smug.

Saturnus’s astonished expression slowly spread into a wide, devious grin.

“Well…perhaps we shall have Master Gilgamesh over…for dinner. Heh. Aheheh. Hahaha. Ha. Hahaha! Haahahaha!”

Thunder crashed overhead as Saturnus’ laughter echoed over Mechanicsburg. Agatha put her hands on her hips and tutted, glaring up at the castle.

“Oh, now he knows he’s not supposed to do that. It agitates his sciatica.”

[agatharkn3ss]

A game of "Spot the difference"

EDIT: To be clear, I think they are an intentional plot device

Episode 5 is the most inconsistent one of the show - I think it's either a victim of too much editing and cutting down, OR it's intentional. See for yourself if you can find all the differences (answers at the end).

I have not edited these images in any way - they are direct shots from the episode.

Yes, it could be because the episode was busy and they ended up cutting it and doing lots of edits. But it's difficult to believe so many things would slip, especially in the show that has been so proud of their attention to detail. Also it wouldn't even make sense if they were just filmed on different days - because some of the differences overlap and some of them don't. As I said, I will soon write up my theory, but in the meantime, wanted to give you something to at least have fun with ;)

Have you got them all?

Rio:

Nails - generally very long nails, but in some shots her left middle finger nail is weirdly short.

Bracelets on her right wrist keep disappearing - sometimes they are there, sometimes they are not

Once, a white band appeared on her left wrist - in that same shot, Agatha's white wrist band is missing

Agatha:

Nails - in that episode she has long nails but there are occasional shots showing all them super-short

White band on her right wrist once disappeared and appeared on Rio's left

Jen:

the most consistent, the only minor difference is that sometimes her sleeve is rolled up, sometimes it isn't. But that really is a non-difference so I'm not counting it

Alice:

Nails: glitter nails that are generally shown as long, but in some close ups they are again very short

The bracelet on her left wrists has red charms. But occasionally a single green charm is shown.

Lilia:

Nails - sometimes long, sometimes short

Sometimes she holds her left hand differently, seemingly touching Alice - but this could be just the way they've filmed so I'm not really counting it

Billy:

The wristbands on his right wrist keep changing - I think the "baseline" is a couple black bands, an off-white white bracelet and a white&blue bracelet - but sometimes the black bands are missing, and the white bracelet get progressively more dark and blue.

when the lights start flickering, his bracelet looks almost like it's glowing, but it's just the light effect, so I'm not really counting it

Also, the skin colours sometimes change, but I don't know if's because of the light (e.g Alice's hand looks oddly dark in the close up)

[hotvintagepoll]

I am adoring all of these polls and gif sets and just being fed so many hot vintage people. As someone who really hasn’t watched very many classics, are there any movies you’d recommend for someone just starting to dip their toes in older media but unsure where to start?

Sure! I don't want to sway any voting, but I'll put an incomplete list of favorites that involve hot men not still in the bracket below the cut.

Something to note that applies to most of these old movies—older movies have different pacing than modern movies, so some of these might seem really slow or weird to start. There are also different ways of framing gender and agency, for better and for worse. I've italicized the ones that I think are the best for starting with, but go with whatever genre/aesthetic sounds best.

The Court Jester (Danny Kaye, Basil Rathbone)—a circus performer working for a quasi-Robin Hood infiltrates the royal court. Fun comedy that's incredibly accessible and still so light on its feet. Swordfighting, glamorous medieval costumes, court intrigues, and silly accents.

Singin' in the Rain (Gene Kelly)—fun polyamorous musical comedy. The dancing is incredible, but so is the sense of joy and camaraderie between Gene Kelly, Donald O'Connor, and Debbie Reynolds. Genuinely captures the feeling of hanging out with your best friends. 1920s Hollywood, big movie studios, backstage drama, goofy hijinks.

The Adventures of Robin Hood (Errol Flynn, Basil Rathbone)—classic swashbuckler/romance. It could read a little slow to modern tastes but the action scenes are absolutely killer, as is the sentiment of seeing little guys pull down big capitalists evil monarchs. Swashbuckling, labor activists merry men hanging out in the woods, hot men in tights, social commentary swords, a Maid Marian who really holds her own and falls in love with the socialist

Charade (Cary Grant)—thriller/romantic comedy. Audrey Hepburn's husband dies and leaves her a hidden inheritance, and she's racing some skeevy characters to find it. A little bit scary but mostly charming and gorgeous, and you can find it high quality virtually anywhere because they fucked up the copyright trademark in the opening credits. Romance, murders, Paris, 1960s fashion, chases in the night.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (Dick Van Dyke)—this movie is divisive for some reason—I personally like peace, love, and joy, so it makes the list. This is a James Bond movie if James Bond had two kids, lived in a windmill in the south of England, and was into cottagecore inventions more than martinis and racism. This is very much a kids' movie so go in with that expectation, but enjoy the gorgeous production design, the wonderfully silly performances, and Lionel Jeffries pulling out every stop as an insane old man. Dick Van Dyke has excellent DILF energy. Magical cars, big musical vibes, fun inventions, and romantic fantasy.

To Be Or Not To Be (Jack Benny)—comedy/drama. A ragtag Warsaw theatre troupe stands off against the Gestapo after the invasion of Poland. TW for Nazis, obviously, but overall this is a comedy with some heft, and kind of shocking to be this ballsy about fucking hating Hitler's guts in the 1940s. Hambone actors, Shakespeare, spies, 1930s gowns. It's been a minute since I watched it so I don't think there are any TWs here, but go forth with caution.

Witness for the Prosecution (Tyrone Power)—mystery/legal drama based off an Agatha Christie story. The performances are campy fun and the twist would be at home in something like Knives Out. Big dramatics, hambones, lots of talking, a bit of a mindbender.

The Lady Vanishes (Michael Redgrave)—mystery/suspense/romantic comedy. It's a little slow to start but roll with it—once the action moves to the train the pacing really picks up. This gets slotted as a thriller sometimes but it's much funnier and gentler than that. There's some period-typical snarkiness directed at anyone Foreign™ by some of the British characters; the British characters are also made fun of. Trains, British people, international shenanigans, mystery, and humor.

All About Eve (absolutely none of these hot men, lots of hot women though)—a legendary actress fights for her life against the rising star who supplants her. Big drama, big performances, lots of gasp! and dahling! and vicious little quips. New York, theatre pronounced theahhtah, drama queens and plotting.

The Philadelphia Story (James Stewart, Cary Grant)—talk-heavy comedy, lots of quick banter and period transatlantic accent fun. It's a bit shouty and conflict-heavy at times, but I don't think James or Cary have ever been hotter, and Katherine Hepburn is just wow. Very funny dialogue, relatable characters, incredibly hot across the board. There is one instance of a racial slur (not directed at anyone but still there) and one shove. Some people won't like the discussion of Hepburn's character's choices as a daughter and a wife. With all of these movies you'll see a a range of how female characters are presented and treated, and while some period movies fall hard for sexist tropes, I personally think the performances, direction, and subtext of many of these films actually prioritizes the experiences of the female characters and shows them as living, breathing people, even if they're not framed the way they would be today.

[expatesque]

Monthly Recap - Nov

Second round of this, under the cut

Read

Mansfield Park, Jane Austen - Do not recommend, was decent in the start but a slog by the end. Fanny is the most insipid protagonist I’ve come across in Jane by a mile, truly wishing her the worst.

Death in the Clouds, Agatha Christie - a top notch Poirot, very fun and twisty.

The absolute drama around Yellow Bittern has been so jokes, Vittles as ever had a great take

Ann Helen Peterson on how to show up for friends (meh, some interesting suggestions, very American oriented) and whether the kids are too soft (oriented towards journalism but a good question to be asking in any industry).

So much about the last 6 months of the economy (tuned out for my gardening leave, now have to catch up).

Watched

This month included Halloween so we had Practical Magic (an absolute must watch for the season for me), Beetlejuice (first time watching, more entertaining than I thought it would be), and I Married a Witch (the second you see Veronica Lake in this you understand why someone would risk their eternal soul and stay married to her)

A lot of West Wing - election season always gets me back to here, one of the best shows ever

Drop Dead Gorgeous - a fun one for a wine-filled night in with a friend

A hungover binge of Man on the Inside - sweet and cute and sad, especially if you know people who've had memory issues.

I am continuing to watch Charmed at night before bed, which is low stakes and amusing enough. Also watching Vampire Diaries, which is terrible but great fun mainly because I live text my reactions to my friend who’s already seen it while I watch, so it’s really half a friendship exercise.

Did

Attended: The ballet! Saw Encounters: Four Contemporary Ballets at the Royal Opera House which was largely eh but (1) the Royal Opera House is amazing, worth seeing anything there for the venue (and esp the bar), alone, and (2) the final piece, The Statement by Crystal Pite, was absolutely mind-blowing, one of the best things I’ve seen in a long time.

Went to three V&A Young Patrons things: Portrait Miniatures handling session (v cool), opening party for the Great Mughals (v fun), private viewing of the Great Mughals (v good, see below).

Learned to: Use hot rollers. Really recommend, they're a super easy way to look way more polished and genuinely take <10 min start to finish. I used this tutorial (and can confirm the volumizing spray she talks about is very good).

Made new friends!: Ana I think is going to be a good one, maybe Parker too. And Beatrix is a perfect tennis friend, not sure if we'll graduate beyond that.

Revarnished my outdoor furniture: trying to help it survive this winter better than last.

A lot of soaking in oxygen bleach of towels, tea towels, stained shirts, etc: getting things into shape for when I go back to work.

Went to a Thursday singles event and went on a date off the back of that: event was scary and kinda meh but I met someone so, worth it.

Found someone to play tennis with during the week (and played twice outside of drills): a big accomplishment, she’s lovely and a good player and available the same kinds of times that I am. Jackpot.

Last Month’s Goals

☑️Use all class pass classes: Actually had to buy more passes, did a lot of F45 and Qigong this month.

☑️Read a book: see Read section above.

☑️New Recipes x4: (1) Confit Chicken Legs - so good and how amazing that they keep for months, (2) Rick Bayless Slow cooker mole - a really good mole recipe (available on YouTube) with a huge amount of depth for (relatively) little work, (3) Brazilian Stroganoff - made this for the Brazilian GP (I try to make themed food for every GP) and it was decent but not my fav and I’m unlikely to make again, (4) Not proper recipes but did a lot of making my own condiments and syrups, e.g. rosemary simple syrup, pickled chillis, slow roasted cherry tomatoes.

☑️Go to a new museum: The Wallace Collection, can’t believe I haven’t been before, it’s free and lovely. The Swing is actually very cool in person, I hadn’t realized how small it is. And the recently completed conservation is wonderful, the colors are really stunning. There’s also a nice cafe. Recommend!

☑️☑️Go to an Exhibition (x2): The Great Mughals at the V&A (very interesting, lots of little details, was glad to go to private viewing with two of the curators as that added a lot), Silk Roads at the BM (incredibly good but also incredibly packed. Try to go first thing in the morning). Note: This one means a major exhibition at a museum I’ve been to before.

☑️Go to the theater: See above, Did section.

🟧Crochet: Making progress, still want to get better about doing this more regularly at night.

❌Write More: Total fail here, need to reconsider how to prioritize this and figure out what the main blockages are.

❌Lay morning foundation: Also total fail on this, probably should reconsider what's realistic for these colder months.

☑️Budget: Barely, was tougher this month. I'm ready to have income coming back in.

🟧Memorize a poem (x2): okay really this is a fail but I had to memorize a rap for Russian class so I'm counting that as a half tick.

☑️Russian flashcards: This is going better and my vocab is improving.

🟧Screen time: Better but still not good. May need to think about how to cycle this through the week / month vs blanket bans/reductions.

🟧Job prep: Unlikely to have any interviews until Jan so this has slowed down but is in progress.

Next Month’s

Carrying Over

Use all class pass passes (I expect to use less because I got home for Xmas midway through the period)

Four two new recipes (shrinking this as I will be doing less regular cooking and more holiday cooking)

Read a book

Visit a new musuem

Go to an exhibition

Go to a show (off for this month, busy start to the month and then I’ll be home)

Crochet

Write more

Morning foundation

Budget

Memorize a poem

Russian flashcards

Screentime

Job/interview prep

New

Quality time with people at home (grandmama, gran and pa, Jack, parents, Grace, Anna, M&M)

[sapphoshands]

Happy Birthday! May I request a DVD commentary about Rio teaching Agatha how to fly with a broomstick, and possibly fundamentals of witchcraft on "you open always petal by petal myself"

again an extremely belated response! but thank you for this ask - it was fun to dig into you open always petal by petal myself a bit!

prepare to learn a LOT about the native foliage of connecticut in here, because boy, did i do a lot of googling :P 

Her mother’s coven always refused to teach her more than the very basics of her power. Any skill they thought she might misuse—anything that might make her more difficult to control—they hid from her. Agatha found ways around them, clawing knowledge from wherever it lurked, but the hexenbesen charm requires at least one other witch, if not a coven. She could not learn it on her own. And after she escaped the Salemites, her reputation preceded her. No witch would ever make themselves vulnerable enough to trust a broom made by Agatha Harkness, witch-killer—nor would anyone ever stoop to making a broom for her.

so, this story actually started with a somewhat less considered post i made after ep 5 that was just like, has agatha EVER flown with anyone other than rio? would anyone ever make a broom for her, or trust a broom made by her? i think it’s entirely possible she never has! which is heartbreaking, honestly. 

“The hexenbesen charm is about community, about selflessness. It is about thinking of the other, not of yourself.” Agatha must look nervous, because Rio smiles at her, a true smile, gentle and—Agatha barely dares think it—loving.

i wanted to give this line about selflessness to rio here so that it echoes forward to agatha saying it in ep 5.  there are so many ways the two of them have influenced each other *weeping emoji*

Next to the bush, a birch tree has splintered, one trunk lying fallen against its mates. It’s a decent size, and when Agatha lifts it, its heft is pleasant in her hands. The papery bark curls in stripes of dark and light, but the branch itself is smooth. [...] Several long thin boughs lie nearby, spongy and soft to the touch but still holding their shape thanks to moss and mushrooms. Agatha snags a creeper off a tree and secures them to the end of her branch. She remembers Rio’s vines with a pleasant shudder and wraps the rest of the creeper up around the branch, tying it off at the top. [...] On an older fallen log, one that’s nearly subsided back into the humus, a bright orange fungus sprawls towards the ground. Agatha lifts a few segments, carefully, and drapes them between the branches at the bottom of the broom.

okay, so, remember i said lots of googling about connecticut plants. everything i mention is native to the area. the broom agatha makes for rio uses a birch tree because birch is a symbol of rebirth and new beginnings - very green witch. i wanted the branches at the bottom to counterbalance that by being in the process of rotting and becoming another part of the life cycle.  the vines, well, that’s just a note about rio tying agatha up (see also Lulled in these flowers with dances and delight). and then the fungus is just another comment on life, death, rebirth, the ways death brings life, etc. i did all my early forest rambling and foraging in a very different environment, so i was thinking specifically of an orange fungus i was familiar with and then went googling for an east coast equivalent. and it turns out that connecticut is home to an edible orange fungus called witches’ butter. so clearly that had to go in here!

The broom Rio is holding couldn’t be more different to the one Agatha has assembled. Made from a dark, gnarled branch of knotty oak, it bursts into a riot of leaves and flowers at its end. Agatha can see honeysuckle twined amongst laurel, soft white petals peeking between sharp green edges. Dotted throughout, purple asters add a surprisingly whimsical touch.

rio’s broom for agatha is assembled much more deliberately. oak symbolises power and longevity: rio chose it because she wants agatha to have all the power her mother’s coven denied her, and also to live a very long, powerful, magical life (...careful what you wish for, rio).  honeysuckle is for happiness, sweetness, and love: it’s a little too nice for them, maybe, but this is early in their relationship and rio is perhaps a bit besotted.  it’s also balanced out by the sharpness of the laurel leaves, which of course symbolise victory, much as rio wants agatha to be victorious over the charm.  and purple aster is for enchantment - very on the nose, i know - and admiration - which rio won’t say out loud, because agatha will get flustered, but which she definitely feels.  all together, it’s basically about rio wanting to give agatha a gift of magic because she loooooves heeeeeerrrrr.

“Now, repeat after me,” Rio says. “Pro te, dilecta, aperio viam.” Agatha’s cheeks heat. “I bet you say that to all the girls,” she says, trying to cover the thrill that ran through her. Rio rolls her eyes, but there’s a little colour high on her pale cheeks, too. “It’s how the charm goes.” She smirks. “Quick, say it back to me. And walk deosil.”

i cheated a bit on the latin by putting commas in, i know, i know. rio translates it later, but roughly, the charm goes ‘i open the way for you, beloved.’ i originally had agatha and rio getting a bit more flustered about that, but my beta convinced me to dial it back, and i think this sassy flirtiness is much better.  

on the other hand, my beta also pulled me up on ‘deosil,’ but it’s the proper witchy word! (deosil = clockwise, widdershins = counterclockwise)  I tried to make it a little clearer later, but i wanted rio to use the right term.

“Now.” She grips the broom’s neck with both hands and cackles. “Run like hell, jump… and fly!” She races ahead into the underbrush. Heart pounding, hands shaking, Agatha follows her and gives herself over to the magic.

lillia would hate that i’ve got rio cackling here. culturally offensive! but what can i say. sometimes, rio cackles. also i wanted to make it clear how much agatha trusts her.

Agatha tips her head back and laughs with delight, and hears its echo from Rio in front of her.

they love each other *weeping emoji*

The silver birch shines in the moonlight, and so does Rio’s skin, pale and enticing. Her hair flows back from her face and her green cloak billows behind her. Agatha leans forward on her broom, entranced by the vision almost more than by her own first flight. [...]Then Rio tips her head back again, baring the long pale column of her throat, and Agatha feels a pull in her gut as strong as the wind in her hair.

just… thinking about the way agatha looks at rio when they’re flying in ep 5.

It’s true—Agatha feels like she’s been flying all her life. The broom responds to her wishes almost faster than she can steer it physically. With Rio beside her, haloed in the glow of a galaxy of stars, Agatha never wants to come down.

in my brain, flight is half physically controlling the broom and half the broom just responding to its rider’s desire.

Rio props the broom against the front wall and looks up, and Agatha feels the distance between them like a wound. She drops forward, arrowing towards the ground, and pulls up just in front of Rio. Her momentum carries her, half-controlled, off the broom and into Rio’s arms, and Rio staggers back against the cottage, both of them laughing.

ugh i just wanted to write something that had a few moments of sweetness in it! also note the cottage, which makes its return briefly in Rabbit Heart.

re fundamentals of witchcraft, i didn’t put a ton of that in here, but here are a couple of things:

Rio summons both brooms as she follows Agatha, leaning them up against the wall next to the door. It’s a bit strange, Agatha thinks, but then again, maybe it just makes sense not to leave magical objects outside for anyone to stumble on. Especially ones that are so attuned to the two of them. The idea of someone else touching the broom Agatha so carefully put together for Rio brings a possessive surge of jealousy with it.

so MAYBE all of this was just an excuse for some magical dildos, but that DOESN’T mean i didn’t think about the mechanics. my thought was that the hexenbesen charm requires the witch to put some of themselves into the broom they made because it was so deliberate an exchange. agatha doesn’t know that yet here, but she senses it. probably a side effect of this would be that malicious forces could use a broom to hurt the witch who made it.

“There’s something else you should know about magically-imbued objects like these,” she says, and though she sounds matter-of-fact, her lips curve in a devilish grin. [...] Instead of a broomstick, Rio holds a wooden phallus, bone-white and with striations of black from the birchbark. Long and curved with bulbous knots on each end, it gleams like Rio’s skin, and when Agatha lifts one hand to touch it, it’s just as smooth. She can still feel the magical energy humming in it.

instead, of course, this is just about playing with toys :) basically, having put a little bit of herself in the broomstick, it becomes sort of like a voodoo doll, so that agatha feels some of the same sensations as the broomstick/dildo does. not quite a magic strap, but… similar. >:}

Agatha has never been able to put words to Rio’s taste. Sometimes she thinks of saltwater; sometimes raspberry leaf, or nettle tea.

okay, this is just me being self-indulgent, but: saltwater, because it can’t support human life; but raspberry leaf, because it’s good for pregnancy, and nettle tea because it’s good for nursing mothers. life! cycle! 

[nemonihilominus]

Is This Good Latin? Agatha All Along Edition #5

The new episode doesn't have any new spells but we get to revisit the first one ever – liberating someone from a curse! It is not entirely new but I missed some stuff last time, plus we got the spell in actual written form and that is very exciting, let me tell you.

Release spell

Last time on this show series of posts we talked about this part:

Solve feminam defixam. / Release the cursed woman.

It turns out the spell says Exsolve instead of Solve but that basically means the exact same thing, so we're chill. It is still very interesting that the spell as it is said and written in Billy's little book is specifically written for and about women. Would Exsolve feminam defixam help a cursed man? A cursed non-binary person? If they are a witch, than maybe, assuming the title of a witch is inherently feminine, but what if the cursed person is not a witch? Can you adapt the spell? Curious...

Anyway, there was a first part to the curse which I simply did not notice at all last time and that part we've seen written out in episode 6:

Dimette eam ex hac carmine.

This is definitely supposed to mean:

Release her from this spell.

It is supposed to say that, it doesn't succeed entirely. Let's get to it. Dimette is either a misspelling or an accidental Italian. It slightly annoys me that it is wrong in the written form because thus far I could have pretended most of the mistakes came from the pronounciation and a lack of effort to explain the correct way to the actors. Anyway...

Dimettere is a verb in Italian meaning "to discharge or release", the form is 3rd person singular, which doesn't work, because it is intended to be imperative, as most of the spells are. Latin imperative has -e as the ending but the verb would be dimittere (correct imperative dimitte). The meaning is not exactly the same (send away, dismiss, let go) but it works.

The verb requires a direct object (accusative) and eam is accusative and means "she, her", so perfectly fine. Then "from this spell" uses ex as a preposition, ex requires the words after to be in ablative case, both hac and carmine are ablatives, so good job! There is one mistake still, carmine (carmen - song, poem, composition, prayer, oracle, ritual, spell; it is an excellent word, I love it, especially with how the show connects magic with music [charm comes from it btw]) is of neutral gender and hac is feminine. To put them together correctly it would need to be ex hoc carmine.

The final spell should be as follows:

Dimitte eam ex hoc carmine.

So this is not perfect Latin, it has a typo, it has a gender issue (and who doesn't on this site?), but it is actually completely understandable and legible on the first try, so I'm declaring it...

Decent Latin!

[thenerdofthegroup]

And if I said Agatha fits ‘the family jewels’ album by marina and the diamonds perfectly?!?!? Then what

Are you satisfied- obvious. Always wanting more. Wanting to be the best. Be perfect. Seen as a freak by others due to wanting control

Shampain- Agatha is a metaphor for addiction. This song is all about the terrible side of drinking and addiction. Perfect again

I am not a robot- one of my personal favs (I know I’m autistic don’t). But this perfectly goes with a few scenes where Agatha… she isn’t the same as others. It’s very clear that even in moments of vunerability she can’t switch of that survival. That non human emotion does not come naturally but she does try. The campfire scene where she awkwardly chuckles, still one of the best scenes ever imo, proves this. She is an outside to everyone. Women, witches etc she is outside. Like a ‘robot’ looking in

Girls- right now. Agatha is not a good person. She mocks women. She uses their insecurities and their trauma against them to get what she wants. This whole song is about mocking other women and the societal expectations on them. Agatha doesn’t give a shit. And she will mock anyone that does. If someone thinks she’s ugly, dead. Someone thinks she’s fat, torture. They don’t matter so seeing others feel it is another digging point for her to get under others skins. I know what I’m trying to say but I don’t think it’s working… let’s just say we all know what I’m trying to say

Mowgli’s road- indecision. At every point she could choose to connect and to finally trust others again or keep down the path of ‘survival’. It’s also a very childish and ‘Disney like’ song, which you could link to her childhood. At 18 she had to decide whether she could keep taking abuse or finally kill. Which path to take each time…

Obsessions- the much darker side to her. I personally feel she has a few… mental quirks and this song is about depression, anxiety, ptsd and ocd. I think a lot of what she has been through and exhibits in the show can be linked to these or other mental disorders. But under the charm and bubbles there is a deeply broken person who never wants to feel it. Rio is right. She is a coward. And she runs away from those feelings. Obsessed with perfection and power to escape them

Hollywood- this song is about idolising people. I think this can be applied to both power and her always reaching for it OR about people like Wanda, Billy and Rio. She can never reach their levels of power but she wants it. She needs it. She wants to be them, wants to have that control. She doesn’t idolise them personally say but she wants to claw her way to that pedestal of power

The outsider- I mean… this is obvious. She is THE outsider. She doesn’t fit with witches, humans, gods etc. she is outside of it all. The campfire proved it to me. The Nick flashbacks made it obvious. Always alone, always the outsider. Note my favourite line is how she screams ‘I’m a fucking wildcard’ and Agatha would scream that too. So yes this song to me is one of the closest related

Hermit the frog- her going absolutely batshit insane. But on a more serious note it’s about her becoming worse and worse and spiralling in a terrible relationship. Now, some people argue Rio was this for her, and maybe you’re right. But I don’t see it that way. Agatha was going to kill. They are evil mistresses together. There are nuances to it that I do agree with but this isn’t about that. This is about the darkhold. She moved from one relationship (her and Nicky) and sunk into the darkhold out of pure grief and was abused by it and her mind became worse. That’s at least what I headcanon. That her mental health got dreadful. But it was a toxic pull. She knew it was bad for her but she couldn’t stand the pain and dealing with it alone without a buffer anymore (again guessing because the show with fake title of DARKHOLD DIARIES DIDNT SHOW HER AND THE FUCKING DARKHOLD) *cough cough* anyway. Nick could also be her ‘glass balloon’

Oh no- terror of failing. That’s obvious. This whole song like satisfied screams her. Because she’s a perfectionist. She cannot fail. Failure is the worst thing for her. This song just screams Agatha to me. “Because I feel like I’m the worst so I always act like I’m the best”

Rootless- disconnected from everything. It’s about relocating and that’s what she does. She has no ties to a place, people, anything. She has nothing to connect with (apart from Rio). She is isolated from everything because she has nothing to connect to.

Numb- and if I said Agatha is depressed and masks it with about 1000 masks… but really this whole song is about being numb to everything. And that’s what she is. She feels nothing to death (the action… have to specify now), numb to pain, numb to a lot. Or at least pretends to be mostly. But I think she is numb to a lot due to all the pain she has been through and this song definitely encapsulates that

Guilty- this songs about killing a dog… soooo. Just kidding it’s about family issues. Perfect. To single out one line perfectly “I was just a kid and all I really wanted was my father” swap out father with mother and boom, sad Agatha childhood

Family Jewels- Agatha to a tea. “Ooh, don't you find it strange? Only thing we share is one last name. Did I beat you at your own game? Typical of me to put us all to shame” I can even imagine teenage Agatha screaming this at her mum. Abusive parent who hates her and pushes her away? Tick. The child taking and having to live with the shame of being the stain in the family name? Tick.

God I could write essays about this, most will wood songs and so many other songs that relate to her. My god…

She is just perfect

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Here is a photo of ghost Agatha doing laundry for listening

[ennn]

also, Agatha Harkness + 6, 7, 10, 11

Fandom ask replies:

6. ...the scene that I think shows just how awesome they really are.

The scene in episode 8 with Billy, getting him to find Tommy a body. It captured everything I wanted to see of Agatha as a mentor to a Maximoff. It was a flex of her experience and knowledge as well as her ability to guide and manipulate. She was relentless and ruthless and brilliant and she almost got herself killed — absolutely on brand!

7. ...the scene that I think adds depth to their character or the relationship this character has with someone.

Man, so many scenes in AAA are about adding further depth to Agatha. I was going to say the episode 4 scene with Agatha embracing Rio but I realise pretty much every scene with the two of them alone (and a couple of others with the group) adds further depth to both their characters.

If you think back: their scenes in episode 1 during the spell, the fight after the spell breaks, when they meet up again in episode 4, the confession and their private moment at the end of 4, the scene with Agatha's ghost mom in 5, their conversations in episode 8...You see a new dimension to them and their relationship each time.

10. ...if I liked them immediately or if took a while before I warmed up to their character. Alternatively, if I disliked them immediately or if they lost my trust as their story progressed.

Hah. Not a simple question when you're asking about Agatha Harkness, considering she spends most of (if not all of) Wandavision taking on different personas. But really who isn't charmed by Kathryn Hahn hamming it up?

11. ...how well I actually understand them. Do they feel like a very vivid character to me or are they kind of bland and hard to get invested in?

Of all the things Agatha Harkness can be accused of, being bland is certainly not it.

And Agatha's honestly not difficult to understand because her characterisation has been consistent I think, even from Wandavision. Schaeffer even spells out her two core attributes: She is very self-serving and she's obsessed with powerful witchcraft.

A lot of stuff about her character hangs off those two attributes: her ambition and curiosity, her ruthlessness, her will to survive, her desire for a coven of powerful witches. Even when she performs, she does it mostly for herself.

And being selfish doesn't mean you can't have compassion or affection, it just means you're focused on what's yours.

[ultralightpoe]

Pots and Potions - Steve Rogers

Authors Note: Part 16? Maybe? Sounds right, and it'll be obvious that I just finished Agatha All Along. My poor babies

Warnings: none {Agatha depicted as a villian}

Word Count: 685

Requests: OPEN

~2024 Halloween Event Masterlist

[Thank you for the gif @likamartini ]

ENJOY!

There was a time where mentioning a witch could get you killed, and back when Steve Rogers was still in school they went through an entire session on the Salem Witch Trials. There were still rules back then, rules that you followed to avoid such scandalous things and one of those rules was no speaking of witchcraft.  But it was no secret that he came back to an entirely new world, and this new world was…. Filled with witches. 

During her short explanation one of the assistants had explained some of the dos and don'ts of witchcraft… or better said, How Not To Piss Of A Practicing Witch. Some of these rules ran through his head as he headed to one of the local shops she had recommended. 

Don’t call her a witch. It could be derogatory. 

Never tease the magic. It would be like teasing someones religion. 

And the last but not least never under ANY circumstances mention Agatha Harkness. 

Though he had no clue who that last one was referencing he made sure to remember the name to avoid an accidental slip. 

That didn’t seem to matter because the second he made it to the front door of the building all rules were forgotten. The colorful stained glass of the doors depicting a woman dancing under the phases of the moon was alluring enough as he traced the silver lines holding the stained glass together. 

But it was the woman inside that really drew him in. 

She was stocking the shelves of different colored candles and when he pushed the door open the small jingle of the bell drew her attention quick enough that he felt like even with the super strength it was her that could win the fight. 

“Hello,” He starts, panicking a little as he looks around the room at everything there was to see. From candles to a wall of Tarot cards, oils, crystals, and a very large sign reading ‘AVOID THE WITCHES ROAD’. 

“What’s the witches road?” 

“A curse. Or a prize.” You explain, turning from him to look at the poster before whipping your gaze back. “Honestly I’m not quite sure. My boss put it up. It’s built off this old myth and there is a really cool song. What can I do for you today?”

“Oh, right to the chase.”

“It’s almost like I work here.” You huff a laugh, setting down the last candle before turning to the counter and dragging the box with you to knock it down as he takes another look around rhe room. 

“I can’t sleep, and… well I have this thing that kind of ruins modern medicine.” He begins to explain. “It doesn’t work on me.”

“Because of the super soldier serum? Maybe? Just a thought?” 

“How did you know?” And he feels so stupid when you point at the tv playing to the side displaying the news that proudly displayed him on it. 

“Now are you looking for a spell? Maybe a charm?”

“I was hoping for a potion actually.”

“Then you came in at the best time since I am here.” You smile, nodding your head to show him where to go. “I’m the best with potions in my coven.”

And he asks questions while he watches you work, watching you float around to crumble herbs and smash ingredients to work with. It was magic, nothing else could be said. By the time you finished you handed him three small vials of a slight periwinkle with an excited smile on your face. 

“They should taste like vanilla, and normally they take 3 minutes to work.” You explain, walking around the counter to start ringing him out. “I recommend a blue pillow case for better dreams as well.”

“Noted.”

“And if you need a refill you know where to find me….. You could also come in tomorrow for lunch. If you wanted.”

“I’d love that.” He answers quickly. “So long as you tell me who Agatha Harkness is.”

“Oh, that’s gonna be a long lunch.” You laugh, tossing the potions into a bag and handing it off. “Tomorrow, noon.”

-

[Thank you for the gif @sersi ]

[oceaneyesinla]

Rox lovely! If you and chuu got stuck in a murder mystery (like agatha christie/scooby doo/nancy drew/sherlock etc.) where would it take place and what would you both be doing to solve it? Would it be like sherlock/watson or would your dynamic be different? what would you do after you solve it? I assume you've be on your way or currently on a trip or vacation, but thats up to you too! Give me Roxchuu Clue AU!!

OOOOH this is a fun question!!!!!

okay so i am a little bit dense at times, but i can also be observant, and i can be charming on occasion - i feel like this would be a good cop, bad cop situation. Chuuchuu can be threatening if needs be, and he's pretty clever so i feel like we could do some good deducing! i feel like both of us would get pretty frustrated if we couldn't figure it out so we would have to keep each other calm (i am a big baby if i can't figure something out). it might take us a little while, but i think we could solve it! i am imagining this all playing out in a stately home a la Clue - because that would be very cool and we could do some exploring while we were there (my parents took me to historical houses when i was a kid and it was always great!)

after we solve the crime and pat ourselves on the back, we're carrying on with our trip! We've rented out a cottage somewhere rural, so we can stargaze and walk and generally just be out of the city - both of us have very busy, very stressful jobs so it's nice to just chill out and be together. we both use it as a chance to catch up on our reading too!!! i am imagining lounging in Chuuya's lap while reading and i want it to be real :(

thank you for this question sweet angel, this was fun!!!!!!! 😘🤍🫂

[o-uncle-newt]

I guess the only person who can really be trusted to describe the greatness of Agatha Christie is Dorothy L Sayers...?

A while back, the always-sharp @thesarahshay sent me an ask that caught me up on something that I'd carelessly written in some tags- I said that Agatha Christie was good at writing romance into her detective fiction, without really elaborating. I then spent multiple paragraphs attempting to elaborate, I'm not sure with how much success. Essentially, and you can click above to see for yourself, my thesis was that while Sayers was a much better literary stylist (and certainly better at writing romance) than Christie, when writing a detective novel, her seams show; Christie had a natural talent for knowing exactly what belongs in a detective story and creating and fitting all the right pieces together that create a seamless detective story, including motivations drawn by romance (though I think the actual romances are among the weaker elements- still MUCH better than those written by most of her peers, for the record).

I'd had trouble putting into words what I wanted to say (there was a convoluted metaphor about Barbies and Lego in there), and I'm not sure I was too convincing; but turns out that the person who said what I wanted to say the best was, in fact the great DLS herself.

There's a fabulous book that I 100% recommend called Taking Detective Stories Seriously, which is a compilation of about two years' worth of detective story reviews that Sayers wrote. I hadn't heard of most of the authors, and even when I had heard of the authors I'd rarely read the books, but it didn't matter, frankly. She's just such a great writer, so thoughtful and incisive and passionate about both the genre and good craftsmanship (not to mention good English), that everything she has to say including on novels that haven't been in print since the 30s is worth reading. She has generally great taste, though she has a much higher opinion of Margery Allingham than I do and doesn't like Ellery Queen's The Siamese Twin Mystery as much as I'd thought she might (though the fact that a character in it insulted Unnatural Death may not have helped lol); but she also likes, to pick two very different writers who I too enjoy, HC Bailey and Mignon G Eberhart, and so she clearly has a good eye. (It's also entertaining to see her slowly force herself to admit that she likes Perry Mason...)

BUT ANYWAY.

She has three reviews of Agatha Christie books in the volume: Murder on the Orient Express, Why Didn't They Ask Evans, and Three Act Tragedy. She reviews all of them very positively, but it's her review of Three Act Tragedy (in my opinion, funnily enough, the weakest of the three) that she really gets to the core of Christie's genius. And it's actually fitting that it's for a book of hers that's on the more meh end of the scale- because it just shows how even meh Christie has an element of genius that other authors have to work hard for even in their best works.

She says:

Some time ago this column contained the statement that Hercule Poirot was "one of the few real detectives." It was a well-sounding phrase, and I have no quarrel with it, except that I am not quite clear what it meant. What I meant to write and what I thought I had written and what I now propose to write clearly with no mistake about it was and is this: Hercule Poirot is one of the few detectives with real charm. Plenty of authors assure us that their detectives are charming, but that is quite another thing. I don't know that Mrs Christie has ever said a word about the matter. She merely puts Poirot there, with all his little oddities and weaknesses, and there he is- a really charming person. And it is true, too, that he is "real," in the sense that we never stop to enquire whether his words and actions are suited to his character; they are his character, and we accept them as we accept the words and actions of any living person because they are a part of himself. Le style c'est l'homme. Indeed, when Mrs Christie is writing at the top of her form, as she is in Three Act Tragedy, all her characters have this reality. She does not postulate a character- retired actor, West End mannequin, family retainer- and put into its mouth sentiments appropriate to its station in life. She shows us character and behavior all of a piece. However surprising or enigmatic the behavior, we believe that everything took place just as she says it did, because we believe in the reality of the people. Poirot is charming, not because anybody says so, but because is is, and all her other people exist for us in the same objective manner. This is the great gift that distinguishes the novelist from the manufacturer of plots. Mrs Christie has given us an excellent plot, a clever mystery, and an exciting story, but her chief strength lies in this power to compel belief in these characters. [emphasis mine]

Sayers then proceeds to compare another author (or rather authors, the husband and wife pair GDH and M Cole) to Christie in this regard, moving on to another review. But in these three paragraphs she has, I think, said it better than anyone- that Christie's skill is in her naturalness, and how that naturalness compels us to believe in and immerse ourselves in her world. She is effortless and seamless.

To be clear, Sayers praises a lot of people in this book, and a lot of people's writing; but mostly she is praising their skill and ability to create what they have created. Here, she isn't quite praising that- she's praising the fact that the final product is so good that you can't even see the craftsmanship behind it, and that's, I think, what separates Christie from her peers. It's a power, and not one that can be broken down by a critic. She just has it.

I've said before that I don't think Sayers had this as a mystery writer, and I think she'd probably be the first to agree with that assessment; she certainly had a seemingly effortless skill as a prose writer (as these reviews show), but as a novelist she took construction seriously and wanted us to know this. That said, another person who I don't think has this, who I mention because he's someone who a lot of people compare Christie to (often negatively), is John Dickson Carr.

I've seen plenty of people say that Carr is a more sophisticated version of Christie, not just in mystery construction but in writing style, and equally prolific, creative, and versatile. I don't agree with this on most counts, but I think, honestly, that Carr is fine- but you can see the seams easily. He might have been prolific but his formulae are visible and his writing required intentionality on his part. By which I mean- Carr when he's trying to be funny is generally hilarious. Carr when he's trying to be scary is generally spine-tingling. But Carr when he's just trying to get to the next good bit is dull and mechanical. He needs to be paying attention and making an effort in order to be good, and we notice him doing this. Christie never has this problem; even when the actual stuff she's writing isn't high quality, she's never dull. Everything feels purposeful and organic, somehow.

Obviously, all of this is fundamentally subjective, and if there's one redeeming element it's that an incredibly smart lady agrees with me (by my interpretation, at least) and says it extremely well. But I'll be holding on to this one, if nothing else.