#because I really don't know what I can do more as a writer

[badasscoffeemug]

okay, so, i tried to pull as many interviews as i could to see if i could parse what the original plan for bucktommy was (or if there even was any), and subsequently, if there had been a pivot of any kind. now, we are not privy to any bts talk, and storylines are never set in stone, even from when they've been teased or promoted (henchim friction? hello?) but interviews are really all we have to go off of. so, idk, i compiled some quotes, all bolded emphasis is mine.

i kinda got the impression that it really was supposed to be a 4-episode arc for tommy, after which he would gracefully bow out and leave buck a newly realized single bisexual. for some reason, that changed and they chose to keep him around and extend that storyline (gelled rather well in the story? opening the door for potential future storylines?). except then they had them break up anyway, leaving buck in much the same place he would have been had they called it quits in 7x06, only much more heartbroken (essentially wasting over half a season's worth of buck storyline, except he's sadder now, i guess). but, judge for yourself.

march 28, 2024, TM: Showrunner Tim Minear also teased future episodes for Tommy. “He’s going to be around for a little bit. He’s not going to be a member of the 118 again, but he is going to be involved in some stories.”

april 4, 2024, TM: “I was kind of bored with the hamster wheel of the relationships [Buck] had been in. His story needed a slap. It needed some something fresh. This felt like it could be important to some people, and it felt like it was right for the character.”

OS: “I’ve always had in my head that I wanted a partner for Buck to be someone where it wasn’t easy”

TM: “That’s what I like about this. He’s not siloed off into some love interest story with a character who has nothing to do with the main characters.”

Minear noted that Tommy is currently an important romantic partner for Buck, largely because “it’s sort of the entry-level relationship.” Yet at the same time, he noted that he doesn’t think “anybody’s making wedding plans.”

“It really is a first fling for Buck right now. What that might amount to, only time can tell. But what I’m interested in is not something that’s fraught. I’m interested in something that’s tender and positive”

april 4, 2024, OS: “The focus was on it being important, but also not wanting it to feel like the bravest episode in television. We just wanted to tell a lighthearted love story that happens to be a queer love story.”

april 5, 2024, TM: “[what] I don't want to do is the mistake that I think we've made with some of the other love interests, which is siloing those characters off into their love life and they have no kind of organic connection to the rest of the characters in the story. [...] Going with Tommy allowed us to start to play a story without just inventing a whole new character just for the purpose of being the bi character or the gay character or the male love interest for Buck.”

april 12, 2024, TM: “that moment at the end of the episode where he sits down with Tommy and says, “You said I wasn’t ready. I don’t know what I’m ready for, but I’m ready for something. I’m just sure what that is yet.” But he feels safe with Tommy. So even though he doesn’t know exactly what road he’s stepping onto, he’s willing to roll the dice.”

april 12, 2024, LFJ: "So, it happens in phases. My manager said 9-1-1 called, and I was like, 'Cool.' And then he is like, 'All right, well, they called for an arc.' And I'm like, 'Four episodes? Cool.'

"Given the circumstances, we just kissed. There's something there. We go on a date, and then Eddie happens to show up because there's only one restaurant, I guess, in L.A., and I would totally understand if he was nervous and whatnot." (this quote has nothing to do with my point really i just think it's so fucking funny. this entire interview is so messy.)

"I have no idea," he explained when asked what the future could hold for the duo. "If the writers do choose to extend this storyline and make it into its own thing [...] I'm just as excited as you are to find out."

april 12, 2024, OS: "I just hope he continues down that path and I think we will see him opening up more and more, and being louder and prouder about it. I want to tell real stories where not everything is going to be straightforward, but I don’t want the angst or the trauma to be in these kind of negative troupes that we’ve seen before. I want them to have real world problems that couples or people who are first dating have, but I don’t want it to be rooted in outside people being homophobic or anything like that. Those are stories we have seen and we’ve told, and sure, of course, happen in the real world, but I want to tell a happy story between these people and a real story. They have issues and they have things to deal with, but I just want them to be real world, everyday relationship issues."

april 18, 2024, OS: "we want to tell it in an honest way where not everything is going to be easy and carefree. There are going to be issues, but we also don't want it to feel like it's down or too heavy. We want to tell this queer love story in a very honest way, but also in a very loving way."

"Tarlos is a beautiful relationship," Stark says. "I'm just honored to get to tell a story that can kind of partner up with that and maybe continue with a similar thread."

"I really want to see Buck continue to explore what it is that really speaks to him, and what he's into," Stark says. "He's obviously going to continue down this path with Tommy for now. I don't know what that story is going to end up being, but I would really like for Tommy to stay a part of Buck's life, regardless. He's obviously opened this door for him, and I think it would be really nice if [Tommy] was able to continue to hold [Buck's] hand and could help guide him through this process. As somebody who's a little older and more experienced, to kind of help shepherd Buck into this new phase of understanding who he is."

april 23, 2024, OS: “I really enjoy [Lou]. I really enjoy working with him. I think he’s been a great addition to the show, and I look forward to — assuming Tommy sticks around for a while — continuing to develop that relationship with him on-screen and off-screen.”

may 2, 2024, JLH: "I’m really excited for Buck, because I think he’s a person that has never quite settled into who he is. And if this is who he is, it’s beautiful,” Hewitt said. “I was so happy Maddie felt that way, because that’s how I would feel. And I’m really happy that she’s there for him. In Season 8, the actor hopes Maddie gets to “understand what all that means, be in that with [Buck], and get to know Tommy better.”

may 3, 2024, KC: “I think it was the brilliance of [co-creator] Tim [Minear]. Even introducing the storyline of Buck and Tommy, he said, "I don't want it to be this very special episode of 9-1-1. I'm going to make this a f---ing romantic comedy, man. You won't see it coming. It'll come out of left field." And I think that's the same thing he did with the revelation. There's no sit down, there's no big discussion or talk about it. It's what it would be. This guy has found love fina…. Well, I think love finally.”

may 3, 2024, KC: "When I heard about the storyline, I was super excited. And on a selfish note, I'm really happy because they brought Lou Ferrigno Jr. back. We've become really good friends, as he was in "Hen Begins," "Bobby Begins Again," and of course "Chimney Begins," and we formed a tight personal bond. I think he's a terrific actor, and I think this new dynamic brings this newfound energy into that storyline and into the show, and I'm excited to see how it blossoms."

not dated? post-7x06, KC: “It’s one of my favorite scenes,” Choi says. “It’s a reveal for most of the characters that Buck has found a love interest he’s actually interested in. It’s adorable, it’s cute, it’s perfect, and the audience is going to love it.”

OS: Stark likens Buck’s journey to “a hamster wheel”: “He’s been taking one step forward and two steps back, as is quite typical of being in your late 20s and early 30s, trying to find yourself,” the actor explains. “As we’ve moved into this seventh season, he’s found a way to really discover who he wants to be.”

july 8, 2024: 7x09 deleted scene released

september 9, 2024, TM: “They’re still getting to know each other a little better”

september 11, 2024, TM: Minear says not much time has passed between the events of the season 7 finale and the season 8 premiere, so there haven't been many developments in Buck and Tommy's relationship. "But we see that they're more comfortable together," he explains. "We'd definitely call them a couple. Obviously they're comfortable hanging out with Eddie, but when you couple with somebody, it takes up some of your time, so that also leaves Eddie a little bit out in the cold. Well, not out in the cold, but Buck doesn't have as much free time as he did before, let's put it that way." (yeah so, this barely happened?)

september 20, 2024, OS: “We don’t really have too much of a time jump moving into this season, so the relationship with Tommy is much where it was left off,” explains Stark. “It is in its early stages. They’re still learning and figuring things out about each other and what a relationship might or could look like.”

[tokoyamisstuff]

lmaoo tasteful was the last thing I would've ever imagined to hear about my work. This humble writer is absolutely flattered by your words, thank you! 🫶

gn! Reader I general NSFW warning

Considering the literal centuries of experience this guy has ahead of you, this sure is gonna be an otherworldly experience...in more than one way.

Don't be nervous, though. He's a patient lover and eager to teach you new things. Will start slow and vanilla, taking all the time to look what works out for both of you.

In general the nights you spend with him are very carefree, filled with laughter and pleasant conversation in between or even during the act(s).

This man plays your body like an instrument. His heightened senses make it an easy task to observe every little reaction your body presents him, especially if he's able to give you an immediate gratification through it. Probably knows you better than you do (at least in that sense). Think you can only come once? Think again.

Definetly hypersexual. He'll use literally any opportunity to get it on with you: Sparring, arguments, even during missions he'll find an opportunity for his favourite pastime. Never leaves you unsatisfied, no matter the circumstance or how little time you have.

Prefers long and intimate rendezvous over quickies however, since he takes great pride in indulging you. He's quite the romantic, enjoys preparing the whole package: An amazing date, the perfect atmosphere, and of course a cozy bedroom. Nothing's too much effort if it comes to see your eyes light with wonder...and lust, later on.

Loves variety. I think there's nothing too freaky you could ask of him, he'd at least be willing to try it out. There's nothing really off table, but also nothing he absolutely wants you to do. You'll find a lot of common ground.

I mean did you see his tongue?? His oral game is gonna be insane.

He's not really fond of toys. Being rather possessive in general, he wants to be the direct cause for your pleasure. The only exception are remote controlled ones. It's so fun being able to tease you like that, observing how you try to keep it together during a meeting of the roundtable or similar.

The vampire is obsessed with imperfections. Scars, beauty marks, even extending to dacryphilia. Anything that makes you human is just so fascinating and desireable to him.

He's a biter wow what a surprise. The taste of your blood gives him an intense feeling of ecstasy, but he'd never go overboard with his cravings. In return I figure his abilities have a hypnotizing reaction on your body as well, giving you an overwhelming sensitivity in return.

Sometimes he's unable to keep his form, especially when deep in pleasure. Suddenly you're enveloped by black mist or stared at by a little too many eyes. At first he was very concerned to disgust or scare you away, but once he sees you react with a surprising acceptance - or even affection - he's over the moon.

Those shapeshifting skills could be used to your advantage in more than one way. He can easily adjust his size according to your wish or even fuck you from several directions at once. Really, there's no limits to your fantasies, let them run wild.

To be honest I think he's got a praise kink and is a sub at least in a certain way. Maybe because in every other aspect of his existence he's the peak of evolution, an almost omnipotent eldritch horror, always dominating. So being able to let himself fall like this, showing himself bare and vulnerable and giving himself to you body and soul, is just the greatest thrill he's ever felt.

Alucard's whole motivation is to serve his lover over anything, devoting himself to your worship.

[singitforthegirls]

Okay, I gotta say a thing and this is just how I see things. 🤷

That 6 month anniversary gift?

Wasn't really a gift for Buck. It was a gift for 🗿, because he's the one who likes basketball. Not Buck. And when Buck didn't get that he was joking about taking Eddie & seemed to be considering it instead of him he had to clarify no, Buck had to take him.

Because he used Buck as an excuse to buy those tickets for a thing he enjoys and not what Buck enjoys too. Because 🗿 doesn't listen and everything is about him. His time/energy is more important than Buck's.

Hell, he's out but still bitter that Abby dated a "himbo half her age" after he dumped her and called her crazy for it. 🫠🙃 Like why do you care what she did?

Yes, people can change & get better. It's possible he's not as openly racist as he used to be, etc. He might be trying to be less of a dbag, but boy, those red flags just keep popping up, huh?

Also tv show and everything is put in there for a reason. Or those writers have some big ass red flags themselves. 👀👀

One thing I don't blame him for? The break-up. I get why he did that. No one wants to get hurt, so he was just trying to protect himself from that. Idk, I think that's a very valid reason. And I def think he suspects Buck has feels for Eddie.

Also I get that Josh was trying to be helpful, but lol, he literally just said he didn't know Tommy so he's making A LOT of assumptions there. And Buck being Buck, missunderstands the assignment.

Plus, the whole fear of abandonment thing.

At least 🗿 nipped that in the bud.

[orangepanic]

Why do you think that Asami has no friends at the beginning? With Korra it’s because she grew up in isolation and with Mako and Bolin it’s because they were homeless- but why doesn’t Asami have any friends? A girl like her should’ve had a million friends

First of all, bless you, anon. I'd literally opened up a window to talk to some friends about how alone in fandom I feel these days because so many people have moved on or stopped creating and interacting. Then I saw this message! Don't underestimate how motivating it is to get asks about characters and headcanons, or even just to know someone else is interested in your thoughts and wants to talk about mutual interests. You really brightened my day. I hope I can do the same.

As for Asami, I have three theories. The most likely and most boring of these is that it's simply convenience on the part of the writers. In book 1 we didn't see much of her personal life outside of interacting with the Krew so there was no need to waste precious screen time on Asami's other friends. After the show got renewed the writers had to scramble for reasons Asami would still be around - because let's face it, who winds up hanging out with your ex and the girl he left you for as your main friend group? IMO there's zero reason for Asami to be in the show after the first season if she has other friends and sources of support.

A more interesting proposition and the one I mostly go with in my own fics is that Asami did have other friends initially, but that they all abandoned her after her father's arrest. She'd have gone to a fancy private school full of other rich kids with other rich and important parents who'd know that a connection to the daughter of a convicted felon was now social suicide. Suddenly nobody returns her calls, everyone is busy, that invite to Su Li Lim's party happens to go astray, etc. With so many social doors now shut to her, hanging out with the former Fire Ferrets makes more sense. She might even do it initially out of spite in a "well FINE, I'm gonna go be important to the Avatar and go fight crime and be awesome" kind of way.

My last theory is that Hiroshi Sato didn't really let Asami have friends. Acquaintances, sure, but he wouldn't want her growing too close to any dangerous benders and there wasn't an easy way to do this without it being obvious that's what he's doing so he didn't let her grow close to anyone. I think of this as the Victorian novel scenario where Asami is disincentivized from doing kid stuff to "take care of father" and from an early age assumes some of the duties her mom had taken on in terms of household management. She's somehow always too busy for friends. When the class field trip comes around her dad needs her for something important. This might also explain how an 18-year-old thought they were qualified to be CEO of a huge company. She's already managing half the staff at the estate as well as the vendor contracts. How hard could it be?

But what do you think?

[paintednailsandsoftdetails]

911, a confession

Let me start by saying that I don't really know what I'm doing here, so bear with me. If I actually go through with posting this, and you find yourself tagged and wondering who I am and why, or even if you happen upon it in the tags, I hope you take a minute to read this.

You don't know me, but you've been my community for a while now. I've checked your blogs daily for years, I've read your posts and loved your art and sent you countless anonymous asks to pick your brains- never hate though, because I'm not a Freak.

What I am, however, is a lonely lesbian with depression and (newly diagnosed) OCD, who has always needed some hyperfixation media/fandom to find life bearable. For some ~fun context, I was Raised by the glee fandom, I will die on the hill that watching queer as folk when I was 14 and discovering its fans 10+ years after airing made me who I am, I've got the most bizarrely timed stint in the 1D fandom under my belt, and I find nothing in the world more interesting and also affirming than Queer Reading (verb) media- to the extent that I earned an English degree and wrote a thesis specifically about it.

I haven't posted on here in 1.5 years, since I fell out of my previous fandom (apologies to anyone from said fandom who still happens to follow me and is seeing this, feel free to move along.) But I've been on this app every day since, because of 911.

(starting the read more here to spare you- again especially if you are tagged, I know you're probably feeling miserable rn but I do hope the entirety of this love letter reaches you)

I started "watching" mid season 5- by which I mean I was in a deep depressive state after disconnecting with previous media hyperfixation and, when I happened upon 911 trending while in need of distraction, I quickly fell down a rabbit hole. Tale as old as time, tumblr dot com convinces you that you need to tune into *insert media here* bc its fun and there are gay people! I caught myself up through all the big blogs and by the time May Day was airing I felt like I had a decent grasp on all the lore, all the fandom drama, all the places the writers were "definitely, so brilliantly" going to be taking the show that we had to look forward to, all without ever having actually seen an episode of the show (before you boo me, yes I've watched it by now, even season 1)

But I think it is important, and also a little messed up, that I fell in love with 911 through YOU, through the fans. Obviously watching the show initially through the lens of fan reactions first and not whats actually happening on screen can have some... interesting results. We've heard it all before, with the people who started watching specifically for Buddie around season 4/5 because they saw The Will and by the time they caught themselves up and watched the end of season 6 they wanted their refunds.

Here is where I want to make a clarification- the reason I got so interested, why I started coming back every day to check in on tags and certain favorite blogs I didn't even follow bc I was denying the want to become fully Involved, was because I fell in love with Evan Buckley. I won't lie, it was Buddie that caught my attention first- of course, thats what everyone here was talking about- and as much as I quickly started discover the value of the show outside of them (Henren my absolute Beloveds!!!!! Captain Dad Bobby Nash you are so special to ME. Chimney man of all time i can keep going) none of it was enough initially to bite the bullet and catch up on 5 seasons worth of a show I also knew would have elements I WASNT interested in (Copaganda and Taylor Kelly I am looking at you.)

But then I started really getting into fan's readings of Buck *insert footage of me learning the Buck Begins of it all for the first time* as a character separate from Eddie (as much as people were capable of anyway, and I will say some of yall continue to be absolutely atrocious at it) and I knew I was done for. Buck, this character so full of goodness, and his need to be Found but to also Find his own family and purpose and sense of self, for whom the show's thesis statement concerns the act of working to Make the kind of Love you want to have in this world, even if you were raised without a blueprint for it- I'm sorry but what else were me and my gay ass queer reading inclined hyperfixated brain to do other than take Evan Buckley into the folds and never let him go?

I love Buck. I was convinced by the time the s5 finale was airing before I had actually watched the show that Buck had to be bi. Even if they never did a thing with it you couldn't convince me otherwise and I was also confident that Oliver was portraying him with a similar mindset. I never wavered in that interpretation, even when the utter disappointment of the s6 finale and the failure to do anything truly meaningful character development wise through the lightning strike-Natalia speed run hit, and certainly not as I got fully caught up actually watching the show outside of tumblr live reactions during episode airings. I'll admit I was pretty ready to Check Out after the end of season 6, to the point where I hardly checked in on fandom at all going into 7 until the rumblings of possible canon Bi Buck reached me and I doubled back like "hold on, for real this time?" But when I say Check Out, I mean I was ready to walk away from the hyperfixation with a joint lack of satisfaction with canon & firm conviction that Buck was queer.

Things with Eddie are a lil different- and I want to try and keep this bit brief bc this is ultimately a post about Buck and Bucktommy and I have no interest in unsettling those of you who may have a queer reading connection to Eddie as real as the one I feel for Buck, but unfortunately this conversation cannot exist separately from the Eddie/Buddie of it all- I personally don't think Eddie is queer. I don't really think I ever did, even when I was in the thick of it with falling for Buddie. I know me saying this would cause certain audience to pelt me with accusations of fetishizing Buck or treating Eddie as nothing more than a vehicle for Queer Buck via Buddie- false! I actually think Eddie is an incredibly fascinating character, a deeply compelling representation of grief and fatherhood and masculinity, and also a hilariously weird lil bitch guy. I just don't feel like- especially having removed fanon glasses while actually starting to watch the show, and taking the time to acknowledge that the things about Buddie that appealed to me on a romantic level (this is NOT about their friendship which i stand by being beautiful and important) all boiled down elements I was reading within and onto BUCK specifically, not Eddie. Perhaps an impossible concept for some, the idea that Bi Buck could feel so real and apparent to me primarily divorced from the idea that Eddie had to be queer as well, but I won't bore you with my explanations for it, though I suspect the people tagged and still reading by this point know exactly what I am talking about.

All of this potentially obnoxious prologue to say, I've spent the last however many months falling in love with canon Bi Buck *insert footage of me speed running back into my daily fandom involvement/blog check ins the moment I knew Buck kissed a man*, with Bucktommy, and with Bucktommy fans.

For a long while there I had resigned myself to an odd, though perhaps not as unique as I thought, reality of loving and fully believing in Queer Buck, not necessarily feeling the same about Eddie or Buddie, but also in full agreement with many that already 6 seasons in with literally nothing else having remotely worked, Buddie would be the only satisfying conclusion for Buck's love story. This is again not exactly how I felt about Eddie- but a big part of that for me is that I don't think Eddie's primarily story in 911 is a love story. He's the vessel for telling other important, beautiful stories about fatherhood and forgiveness and that is OKAY bc not every characters story is a love story!!! Evan Buckley's is though (Despite some very weird and confusing things mr stark has just said about his character that actively contradict what hes previously said and what audiences have been looking at and for this entire time, but I digress)

But then! By whatever happy accident we want to call it 911 had Tommy Kinard fall back into its lap as the solution to what felt like the impossible: They found the ONE way they could introduce a non Eddie Diaz love interest for Buck that COULD be satisfying for Bucks story. Someone with connections to the 118 and the shows history and potential for further development within main storylines as his job directly pertains to their plots. Someone with such compelling connections for interweaving these two characters that it got us- including the showrunner- talking about the Red String of Fate. That it got some of the beloved tumblr pals I had been watching for years, who NEVER would have believed they'd ever root for a Buck endgame that wasnt Buddie doing exactly that, and with joy, love, and conviction. Again I'll ask, what else were me and my Buck loving brain to do but take Bucktommy into the folds and never let go? (apparently I hadn't considered that there was apparently horrifying alternative- more on that next!)

As you all damn well know, falling in love with Bucktommy has not come without its trails. I have never seen things in fandom as vile as the things I've seen go down here. And as I mentioned before, I've been IN IT with yall for a while, even if you didnt know it. I was here, lurking, and I know this fandom has had its highlight reels of racism and misogyny and harassment (despite certain factions current batshit consensus that things were "never bad" before *gasp* a couple of people, some over the ancient age *double gasp* of 30 heard about bucktommy through tumblr the same damn way the 90% of you who havent been watching since season 1 heard about buddie and decided to invest)

What happened tonight made me cry, for about 40 minutes straight. And yeah, its been a devastating week for us all for a lot of reasons. On top of the ~national dread (I'm a lesbian in the US btw) today was my 7th out of 9 straight days of open to close shifts in a demanding retail/management position, and I have a head cold so maybe this was just a Breaking Point after a whole lotta shit.

But also, maybe, it was really fucking shitty to watch this play out. I've already seen countless people say it better than I could. Yeah, its a tv show. It's a fictional ship. But its also escapism, a spot of joy many of us were extra dependent on this week. It was something GOOD, queer representation and a love story on national tv days after a horrifying reality set in for queer people, and we are allowed to acknowledge how much losing that sucks just on a general level for a second...

Second over, now lets talk not on the general level. Lets talk about how I've watched real human beings get harassed, sent death threats, be told they are faking cancer and failing to properly grieve dead loved ones, I've watched deeply homphobic language be adopted and incorporated into everyday use despite constant correction and pleas from queer men to knock it the hell off, I've watched homophia as a whole run rampant and unchecked by big blogs, with some biphobia to boot, I've seen some images of horrific anti gay violence and historical trauma invoked as a way to make fun of others, I've seen lesbianism slandered and proffered as an excuse for such vile behavior in a disgusting erasure of the beautiful solidarity that has historically existed between gay men and lesbians in the face of homophobia, and yes, I've seen graphic descriptions of child rape via targeted fanfiction attacks.

Again, others have already said it better than I can: This isn't about Bucktommy. It's about the way that everyone who was Pulling for them as a couple, who DARED to *checks scribble on hand* enjoy a canon queer mlm couple featuring a character (or two) they've grown to care deeply for, has been subjected to all the above mentioned and more, and for...what. For. What.

In the name of a fanon couple that has not been legitimized by the writers in 7 years? of a fanon character interpretation of a canonically straight man (not just assumed straight, verbally assigned straight now on multiple occasions) that people cannot fathom perceiving this show, let alone liking these characters, without? For the version of this story that, if the writers REALLY wanted to happen could have happened so many fucking times by now- especially when the show was coming to what might have been its end in s6- and still hasn't? A version that has been dismissed multiple times by the writers cast crew and every other unfortunate individual who has been harassed repeatedly about it?

And I'm not here to say Buddie is inherently bad!!!! It brought me into this same as the rest of you. I don't even believe it would necessarily be a bad or wrong conclusion for either character or the show were it to eventually, finally happen!! But for the love of god, hear me when i say from the outsider pov of someone who has experience the show in the way I did first through fandom then stepping back to watch for real and now watching it with my mother who is a near Exact representation of the general audience of this show (experienced Procedural watcher, no idea about Buddie or fandom interpretation, had no sense of gay eddie to speak of, and is not shocked but pleasantly surprised by and endeared by Bi Buck) you are SEVERELY deluded if you think what happened tonight by breaking up Bucktommy "makes sense" to any audience outside of buddies who've been writing manifestos for years about how every single thing in this show is "carefully, intentionally, clearly" leading to Buddie canon. I swear to you the people at home do not fucking see it. The people at home saw Buck in a nice, developing relationship that finally seemed to be going somewhere real for him after discovering an important part of his identity late in life, and then they saw that relationship abruptly ended and Buck heartbroken, going to sit with his best, still straight, bud Eddie Diaz. The ONLY people this makes sense for are the people who I am afraid it seems may have legimately bullied this into happening.

And if that is the case? We are sooo far fucking past the point of no return here. There is no true satisfaction in a Buddie canon endgame here for anyone who's lived through the past half a year in this fandom unless you were a perpetrator of any of the horrific shit mentioned above. I mean that with my whole fucking chest. If, and i do think it is a Big Fucking Fat if, Buddie does happen, and you find yourself no qualms happy and satisfied with it as your well earned endgame, I hope you know how rotted you are. And while I'm at it, I hope some way some how you come to see that this was not the carefully crafted beautifully developed loved story of all time you were gods bravest soldier in waiting for. Its just what left after years of meandering storytelling and cyclical character "development" with a bow slapped on top at the last moment because the gift giver was afraid you might kill them if they presented less.

Anyway. I said a million words ago that this was a love letter, and I do mean that. As much as its also been an mental health exercise for me to write this all out. So,

@kinardbuckleys @bucksboobs @kirkaut @tevankinkley @userautumn @sunglassesmish @tommyscurls @ohithankyou @buckxtommy @princessfbi @bigfootsmom @firewasabeast

(And so many other people I'm surely forgetting, and the few artists and writters on other platforms I dared to venture to- maybe never opening twitter again after this xoxo)

Thank you. You don't know me, I never quite got over the anxiety of trying to re-enter a fandom space after a time away, or maybe some of the imposter syndrome or embarrassment I felt accidentally falling in love with this show and Buck by just watching you all talk about him before anything else. But for the last few months, some of you years, you've been my community, my escape. I've loved watching your brains and your hearts work to discuss and create, even amidst the absolute shittiest fandom behavior Ive ever seen. And I am as grateful for getting to experience it from a far as I am devastated at the thought of losing it, of not individually typing in all your blog names (I was too anxious to even FOLLOW you guys truly rip) to see what new content or spec or art or love you had to share about Buck / Bucktommy every day.

In another life- one where idk perhaps people were kinder or showrunners weren't bullied and actors weren't dropped last minute after months of torment and a satisfying canon queer love story for a character who genuinely needs it could just Be in peace- I would have loved to one day put on my big girl pants (aka saved Buck url) joined the fandom for real. To have directly talked to any of you in a way that wasnt... this.

I would have loved to love Bucktommy with you.

[hainethehero]

No hate, genuine question. Why do yous think bucktommy was such a good relationship? Tommy bought him tickets to basketball when its established he doesn't like basketball and buck didn't even know if Tommy was gay or bi after 6 months like that doesn't seem like they knew each other at all what makes it seem like they have such a good relationship?

Genuine answer, I liked that Buck finally had someone that was upfront with him and really interested. Before then, it was mostly him chasing interests.

As for the basketball tickets etc., it was terrible writing. The writers clearly got direction from whoever (showrunner, execs etc) to just half-ass it. The writing was just terrible bc Tommy up until then was very in love with Buck, and even Oliver said, they were in the early stages of learning/exploring each other.

And again, there was clearly a miscommunication between the show & the interviews that Tim and Oliver did.

Tim said he liked Lou a lot and felt like Tommy was the perfect guy to set up Buck's queer storyline and relationship with. He also said he wanted to give the relationship respect and didn't want to make a big deal about it because a lot of shows do that, when queer couples should be treated not as something gratuitous and showy, but as something natural. He also said that he wanted to change up the fact that Buck has always been on a rollercoaster of relationships and has never quite settled and he wanted the opposite of that to happen with Tommy.

Oliver said that he wanted to do the same and be respectful of showing a genuine queer relationship. He even said that Buck and Tommy were taking things slow and getting to know each other and exploring this new territory for Buck. He even said he wanted a slow burn where the desire just builds etc.

Then, in the show, after season 7, there were barely any Buck and Tommy scenes. Yes, Buck and Tommy were there for Christopher's birthday, but that was more about Eddie. There was no genuine effort to develop their relationship. Most of season 8 was about Bathena & Henren, (not even Eddie or Chimney got enough screentime tbh). But they clearly showed through the writing and the pacing that the Buck/Tommy relationship was no longer something they wanted to spend time and energy on. The discrepancies then, are the difference in the interviews and then the show. People genuinely thought they were going to do what they said (see interview above & Google the rest of interviews bc there were a lot with the same sentiment expressed about being respectful about Buck and Tommy.) But they clearly didn't and went with the, "oh we were tricking you and rly just going to break them up so that Buck can kick off his yt boy angst" arc.

Honestly I'm still confused af:

Why did they dive into this plot if Tim and Oliver knew they were just going to half-ass it?

Did Oliver just not like Lou and ask Tim to end it abruptly?

If Oliver/the cast didn't like Lou, why did they keep him on?

If they did like Lou, why did no one defend him when he was getting sent death threats, petitions to get him off the show, degrading comments about his looks, name-calling etc?

And if Tim and Buck were genuinely truthful, that they wanted to be respectful in developing and building this queer relationship, why did they let it get railroaded by sloppy writing, bullying from stans, no promotion of the relationship ship whatsoever and minute long scenes where there's no deep conversations or focus on their dynamic?

If the 911 cast didn't like Lou so much, whyd they keep him on? Why did they continue the storyline? Why lie in interviews and say things like slow burn, instead of being brave and saying, well, i don't like the direction my character is going in, so we're scrapping Buck and Tommy?

It all just seems like blatant cowardice to me, from the entire cast, but specifically Tim and Oliver. And now that they broke up, Oliver's brilliant response is, "i want Buck to fuck this guy and that girl, and that girl and this guy and this girl..." like, CLEARLY he did not give a f--k about the relationship, so he should've expressed that earlier, instead of making stuff up about slow burn and desires, and getting over hurdles together.

So to answer your question, we were expecting what Tim and Oliver alluded to, (and up until 8x05 they seemed smitten with each other, even with boils on Buck's face- and then immediately broken up next ep) and instead got shitty pacing, little to no development of the relationship, and weak, half-assed writing that seemed more from a middle-schooler than an actual writer.

[riansdiary]

NO MORE WAITING, IT'S HERE VAUNT

Hello Dearest Gentle Readers 💎

I am bringing something new to you today. I was watching a law of assumption podcast when I realized something important.

I have been letting the 3d trigger me sometimes. I realized that I'm the one doing that to myself because I have been focusing too much on the things that I don't want and letting it make me feel bad. Sometimes, I end up doing that but did I give up? NO.

I decided to stop paying attention to the things I don't want in my reality and focus more on good things and my manifestations. I can't believe I let the 3d affect me so I came up with something to help me reframe my mind back to me having it already. After that, I decided to just naturally say it. Affirmations that came naturally from me not from the state of lack but from the state of already having it.

I want you to read this or make something up if you want that's personal to you every time you almost check or get triggered by the 3d and it's making you feel bad. You have the power and the decision to stop that. So say this with me now.

"I am not waiting, I'm having it now. I already have it now. It's already here. All my desires are already manifested and it already materialized in the 3d so I have nothing to worry about anymore. It is done. Creation is finished. It's just a glitch. The 3d has no power over me. I fully believe and assume that I already have everything that I want. I am confirming that as the truth in my reality now. It's here now. In fact I don't desire them anymore because I already have them. I don't care, I already have it. It's here. Everything always goes my way. No more waiting because why would I have to wait for my desires when they're already mine and they're already here. I have all of my desires now. It's already here and it is done. I am so relieved that I have it all now."

Just take a deep breath and say this calmly in a natural way that you would talk in your mind. All you're doing is reminding yourself that you're not waiting, all your desires are already yours. You sometimes need to do this for yourself to unstuck you from the waiting state you might be in and take you back to your new story. Simple reminders like these can really help you a lot. You could just do these and you're set. Feeling like waiting? Well stop waiting and take this shortcut to having. Believe that it's really all there but do not check. Why would you need to do so when you are in full control and you're just commanding your reality and confirming it in your brain even if you don't see it yet that it's already here. It is a way to bypass and reframe your mind to the version of you who already has it.

You don't have to follow this exactly or memorize it unless you want to. Make it natural and personal to you. Stop yourself from going back to the old story and change the story to the way you want it to be. You are the storyteller and the writer. I just wanted to share this vaunt that helped me earlier. You can also say something like the 3d has no power over you. Anyway, I really hope this will help bring you back to the new story and already having your desires where you should be. Know it's done and don't let the old surroundings bother you and change your mind. Don't pay any attention to it because what you focus on grows. You got this. You already do. Use this to accept and believe that you have it now. I fully accept and believe that I have all my desires.

LEAD THE SHEEP BACK TO THE PEN, if you know what I mean.

Yours Truly,

Lady Rian Whistledown 💋

[laura1633]

Fic writer interview thank you for the tag @481boxboxbaby and @souvenir116

Tagging @saviour-of-lord and @ilyarozanove (not sure if you have been tagged already and no pressure if you don't like tag games!) and anyone else who wants to do this feel free to use this as your invite.

How many works do you have on AO3? 155 - Wow okay I don’t know how I ended up writing so many.

What's your total AO3 word count? 1,076,320

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. Preloved  2. Good Boy 3. A million times over 4. Weak 5. My Pretty Princess

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try to respond to comments and I have gotten a lot better at it. If I have ever not responded it's because I have left it too late and then panic over whether it's still appropriate to respond!! I read all comments though, it’s the biggest motivator so thank you to everyone who leaves comments on fics, I appreciate you all <3

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? Either ‘One last night’ or ‘Hitching a ride’ Both are open ended though. 

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?There are a lot that have happy endings but off the top of my head I will go with ‘A million times over’. It’s just an overall short cute one-shot.

Do you write crossovers? No

Have you ever received hate on a fic? If I have then I have forgotten about it because I can’t recall any hate coming in. I am sure there are plenty of people who hate my stories though, I’ve just been lucky they haven’t told me about it! 

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes I do and lots of it. Almost any kind. Dom/sub, pain play, tentacles, omegaverse, lots of kinks, nice soft sex, loss of virginity. I would definitely say varied!

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not stolen but hmmm I have seen something very close to what I have written. 

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, not that I have seen anyway. I have had people ask before but I am not sure if they ever actually translated them.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No but I have spoken about it with @481boxboxbaby unfortunately I am disastrously disorganised so I don’t know if I should really inflict that on other people 😂 I do think it would be fun to have a fic with a set up and then multiple authors taking a chapter each to write the scenario from various drivers points of view. That would take a lot of organising though.

What's your all-time favorite ship? Lestappen

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?There are so many of them, I have a folder full of random wips that will likely never be finished. At the moment I am fighting my way to try and finish a cowboy Max au one shot, I have started it and deleted it soooo many times, I will finish it though, it’s just not clicking right now! 

What are your writing strengths? I guess maybe just having a certain level of creativity when it comes to coming up with ideas. That can also be my downfall because there are too many ideas pinging around for me to concentrate on one! 

What are your writing weaknesses? I always say that my writing style is more about a general vibe rather than it being grammatically correct 😬

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I’ve personally never done it. I’d have to use google translate and I wouldn’t trust that it would read properly.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? F1

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?Charles/Oscar or Max/Rico Verhoeven. I will get around to writing them eventually

What's your favorite fic you've written? It’s probably recency bias but the fic I am writing and posting right now “Preloved” is probably my favourite. I think it's also super encouraging when people are commenting and enjoying the story so it has made the whole thing more enjoyable. I will definitely be writing some more multi chaptered fics going forward. Of the one shots maybe The Sweetest Deal because it plays into my love of babygirl Max.

[crepesuzette2023]

Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts (and your readers' too!) or, if you'd like, your headcanon for what John and Paul's friendship/relationship/situationship might have looked like in the 80s if John hadn’t been murdered.

The more I listen to Paul's 70s discography, the more I feel just how much he seemed to miss John, and things didn’t seem to be getting easier as the decade came to a close. We know that songs like Now and Then and Real Love offer a glimpse into John's feelings, and there was clearly a sense of him missing Paul back.

So, do you have any headcanon about what could have been between them in that decade?

This is such a fascinating ask. Thank you.

I recently listened to McCartney II again, and also to Double Fantasy and Milk and Honey. And it struck me how alive and creative both of them were—and it made me think of their planned studio/writing date in January '81, which didn't happen.

What could their relationship have looked like, if John had lived? On the creative/musical level, I'm torn. Yes, they were Lennon and McCartney, and each of them was at a peak individually—surely they would have done great things together? But then I think of John describing the "Toot & A Snore" session, and how everyone was staring at him and Paul in the studio. Yes, they could have met in secret to write—but at some point, they would have had to share their new songs with the public. And I can totally imagine a situation where the public would have said, 'no thanks,' with only us, now, realizing how good their first album together actually was…(a la Ram)...and maybe they would have stopped after that...or wait: Paul would not have let them stop. :-)

In my mind, I'm fond of the idea of them collaborating and writing together, with space for each of them to do their own thing, provided they still enjoyed it and were happy with the results. It's impossible to say if that would have been the case. But in some weird way, I can't imagine them becoming friends (and more?) again without also enjoying writing together. Given the drama that played out via the press in the 70’s, neither of them cared about endless questions about the past, or the burden of being Lennon/McCartney. So perhaps...they would have written together under a pseudonym?! All their lives? Until this very day? Love that thought. (Didn't John have a tour planned with Double Fantasy? For some reason, I'm not really thinking about them forming a band again, or touring together in a systematic way.)

As for their friendship/relationship/situationship—God Only Knows what the fic writer in me would have wanted for them! :-)

All I can say is that I can't imagine a sustained, fruitful musical/songwriting collaboration without imagining them being genuinely close again. I'm not trying to avoid the 'lovers' question; I think what I said would be true regardless of the degree of canoodling: I don't think they would have written together again without being fond of, and enjoying, each other. The fact that they apparently planned studio time together before John died, suggests that the curiosity (hope?) was there.

I don't think they would have written masterpieces on the level of the Beatles, had they started writing again. But I'm only saying that because my imagination is more limited than their talent.

I think their relationship in the late 70's is difficult to gauge, and I tend to avoid that time period, because, knowing what will happen to John, it makes me sad. Musically they were in a good place in ‘79/’80. But maybe, if they had met and tried to write again, they would have concluded that they were worlds apart, and that would have been that.

But maybe they would have started to co-headline certain festivals? And always been *aware* of each other?!

And you know what— there was a kinkmeme prompt once, or was it a prompt for the Summer of Love fic-a-thon? Where John Lennon lives, and is going to bat for Paul and Broad Street when it's panned by the critics. I know Paul wouldn't have made GMRTBS with John alive, but he would have been panned for something, and guess who would have come out in his defense? Regardless of shared credits and secret or spouse-endorsed canoodling? Jooooohhhhhnnnnn.

That's the kind of scenario that makes me happy.

I hope this is giving you something. I would love to hear your thoughts, too, @therealsaintscully!

[epickiya722]

I am seeing a lot of people in the jjk fandom idolize sukuna and empathize with him and say that his backstory is more compelling and interesting than geto's and that geto's radicalization journey was not interesting and relatable.

And while I understand that sometimes it can be hard to understand a character that wants to commit genocide I feel like that take is so shallow?

Part of me thinks its just a product of the ship wars but also its deeply fascinating that they would put geto's crimes and sukuna's crimes next to each other and say sukuna is better out of the two of them.

I feel like it has been a deliberate choice by gege to give a drawn out backstory only to geto while not giving Heian era flashback to sukuna as many wanted because the story wants you do understand geto (not agree but understand) while sukuna is presented as a villain even though there are crumbs of his backstory in there but not as nuanced and detailed like geto's.

I don't know I'm rambling but I feel very sad when I see people dismiss geto and his radicalization journey and in the same breath say that sukuna is more relatable.

But fandom is gonna fandom of course.

Before I say anything, I am a fan of both mentioned characters. Sukuna is actually one of my top favorites (of course, after Yuji). So with that said, I don't care for anyone to act an ass and be like "fake fan" or "how dare you bash---". No, no, no. Chill out.

◇

You said something that I feel like some people tend to not do when it comes to villains in stories.

"Understand", that part right there.

Sometimes, I do think the writer can have the intention of readers to sympathize and/or empathize with the villain. However, it depends on the kind of villain. But, at best, when writers give backstories to these villains, it's to understand why the villain do what they do and how they became that villain.

You can understand a villain and still not sympathize or empathize with their actions.

In the case of Geto and Sukuna, I do find it odd that some will say Sukuna is more relatable than Geto. Especially, as you pointed out, Sukuna doesn't have as much backstory present in the canon story as Geto has. We'll get back to that.

Now, do I think people can't relate to Sukuna? No. I think if you relate to him, you can and I'm not stopping you. However, that doesn't mean Geto can't be relatable, too.

In story, both are presented as villains.

We don't know much about why Sukuna turned out the way he did, but we do for Geto.

I know that the arc is also called "Gojo's Past Arc", but it is also Geto's, too. It shows why he changed, too.

It boils down to the fact he was a teenager that was just as much as a victim like his friends were to a fucked up system ran by a conservative group of traditional folks who would rather exploit the people under them than get their hands dirty.

Geto, as many jujutsu sorcerers, witnessed deaths of people he came to care about and if it wasn't death, stress caught up to everyone and him as well as a growing distance played a part.

Now, while usually a teenager isn't going to resort to killing a bunch of people, teenagers (anyone really) have been put in positions that will make them feel helpless. That was Geto.

Bringing back the backstory thing...

What backstory? (Not directed to you, Anon.) As much as people were up in arms about "we didn't get the Heian Era backstory", it's just doesn't make sense to then turn around and Sukuna's backstory is more interesting than Geto's.

I ask again... what backstory?

I said it before, but none of these characters actually had a full backstory. Not just Sukuna.

No one had a backstory that showed everything. In fact, some bits and pieces are found out through fanbooks and interviews.

That may be on purpose. I know it felt like Gege may not have touched on a lot with the characters, but for some parts of the story, what if that is the point? Maybe we're not meant to focus on the past but on the present and future. (Reflecting how some characters are working to make the future better and being more adaptive to the present unlike other characters who are more traditional and stuck in the old ways.)

Yes, some parts of the past are meant to be known but that's meant to understand the present. That doesn't mean everything must be known.

With Sukuna, I feel like some did miss the mark with him. I'm not saying I'm right, but my guess is we're supposed to feel detached from him. We're meant to understand him, but not idolize him.

We don't know much about him because we're supposed to not see him as someone redeemable, someone not humane. Just as Sukuna portrays himself to be. Sukuna does nothing in the story worth going "Ah, he's just a hurt guy 🥺". Sukuna admits that everything he does is out of his own pleasure and selfish gains. He is aware of emotions, he knows what love is. He just chooses to not allow himself to feel those emotions. He doesn't allow himself that humanity.

Rereading the story, you can see how dismissive he can be even about himself. When he talks about eating his twin? He says it like it was just another day for him. When he tells Hajime about being an unwanted child? Again, he's dismissive. He states it with even a small smile on his face.

He has the title "King of Curses", but what are curses born from? Negative human emotions. Taking a guess here, but what if that title is meant to be fitting (other than visually) for Sukuna being metaphorically that how he sees himself? A curse born from the nasty nature of being human and he happens to be the strongest one of all?

For both characters, I do find them interesting in their own right. And I agree with you, I do think some of the fandom have their views on their characters because of shipping. I don't think shipping is the whole reason, but part.

(I think I know the ships, but I could be wrong. Both involve a certain white haired guy? I have no problem with either ship though.)

When it comes to Sukuna and Geto, I feel like some can mischaracterize both and stick to that fanon version of them just to make their ship more interesting.

With Sukuna, some tend to write him as only being attached to a certain person because "he gets him, he knows how to challenge me, I'm in love, he taught me love". When, just me probably, it's not that Sukuna doesn't understand love. I don't think he wants it, no matter the form of it. (Let's remember there are different kinds of love, folks.)

With Geto, it's like he can't stand as his own character because everything he does was only for one person and/or he's a lot worse than what he is.

When you compare who's worse and than say "it's Geto", that's wild. They both may came from a place of hurt, but let's not act like Sukuna is a Saint. He has done more heinous shit just for even the hell of it. Geto isn't the only villain here.

I know people will say "he's a genocidal maniac" but so is Sukuna??? Hello??

Let's be real, Geto's biggest kill counts definitely came from the village and maybe the Night Parade event and I say maybe because by then sorcerers may have already gotten civilians out and some people died at the hands of his followers.

But I doubt he actually was killing endlessly for ten years. I think he killed, but not as many as some of the fandom says. If he was that big of a problem, then why was he able to do whatever for TEN YEARS?! There is no excuse! They knew where he was at. If regular people knew, I know for a fact, the Higher-Ups knew. They could send a group or whatever? No, because Geto was collecting curses and as we see, he doesn't have to kill people to collect curses. He killed those that was no use to him, money wise. And maybe the occasional jackass.

I apologize, I rambled there.

Point is! Both characters are in the wrong for their actions. Both characters can be interesting, however you choose to feel. Find Geto boring, but Sukuna interesting? Alright. The vice versa? That's fine, too.

But regardless of backstory, or lack thereof, to idolize Sukuna and not Geto is rather absurd because "Sukuna is better". No, no. No. He's just as bad. He is evil. He literally had beef with his own nephew and sought to kill him. People in the Heian Era worshipped him out of fear. He wasn't some hero. Saying this as a Sukuna fan.

Both characters may be different, overall, but why excuse one character for the sake of "I think he's cooler"? That does nothing for the story at all! In fact, that's quite an injustice. Don't get the story, that's fine and all, I'm still understanding some things myself. I'm not an analyst expert on JJK at all.

I get having preferences, do you, folks. But let's not mix up fanon with canon and argue with people because of preferences. Do you truly like that character if you only seem to like a fanon version? Do you really hate a character if you try to worsen how they really are in the canon?

Sorry, this got longer than I intended! As you can see, I ramble!

[peppermintquartz]

You know what's really funny to me as a new viewer who came in only because of Tommy Kinard? I took more care with trying to create a logical and consistent backstory for each character I reference than the entire writer's room.

And some fans think the show has laid down subtle clues and hints over the years?

They don't even have the correct leg wrapped up for Buck at the basketball game, and the crushed leg was such a major story arc

All i can say is, good luck, if you do get the ship you prefer, you better hope the writers give enough of fucks that it lives up to your expectations

[hel-phoenyx]

"We do."

I read your last text for the fifth time in five minutes. You're supposed to be here soon, or so I hope, because even though you are the one that reproached me my avoidance for the last days there is a gnawing incertity at the back of my mind, one that tells me you finally got tired of my bullshit.

Down there, the noises of the party still reach me. I hear Thibault's laughter, Willy's teasing, Mareva's curious voice, and Elvira's shouts of joy. Sharon is already asleep. Parties never were for her. And I have nothing to tell her for now. I already vented too much. She managed to stay out of this, only noticing something was wrong when I locked myself in my room.

All your contrary.

What did I had in mind when all of this began? I hardly remember. I just recall sending you a message asking for intel, and you telling me it will be all you'll do. But then Lan Yue got enthousiastic about matchmaking and I felt compelled to bring you. Because you knew about it, had a good chance to help, and because you were my friend.

I guess that was my mistake. Now not only you got hit with Hope's Peak shady, shady business, but also by the falling out of all that shit. And me, in the middle, only seeing the pain I could have brought you and not the one I did.

And now I'm searching for my words up there on the balcony, looking like an outsider upon the happiness outside. I always felt like an observer, all my life since I was six, but I never got quite hit by the pain of it.

Probably because of the condition that flared up days ago.

The door open. No laughs ou teasing or anything, so I guess it's just you. I'm not turning around to check. I can still recognize your footsteps.

"Lock the door behind you, please, I ask, still looking down the balcony. Keys are on the lock and I'd rather not get interrupted."

"Sure you want to get locked up with me? You ask, uncertainty plaguing your voice. No offense, but it looks like a rip-off game of seventh heaven."

"Non-existent Lord how I hate that trope. Yes. You've seen how everyone is. They're too happy to understand I need space."

The sound of jiggling keys, and finally I hear the lock click. Door is not see-through, I went there for a good reason after all; So now, I can safely assume that's only you and me there. That I can turn around without being perceived by anyone else but you.

Your face is still pale, still holding the stigmata of a deep fatigue. Your hair is in a bun, but I can still tell, under the moonlight, that you haven't been taking care of it properly. Cheeks got hollow, emaciated, subtle enough for normal people to miss it.

I've never been normal people.

Worst is, maybe, your eyes widening when you look upon my face, not enough to make the dark circles disappear.

I smile, softly, hoping that I am at least almost beliveable.

"Yeah, it's worse under the moonlight, huh?""

You keep silent, still looking at me. Looking at the emaciated cheeks, the paleness of the skin, the tear trails, the dark, empty eyes of a body I struggle to believe is mine.

A moment of silence. You kept the keys in your pocket, probably to stop me from escaping. And you were talking about a seventh heaven rip-off, whan an irony, my friend. Well, I didn't plan to run anyway. The call of the deep is more powerful than the call of the flight.

Then you make a step forward, in an attitude that wants to be nonchalant.

"Not gonna lie, I preferred the pictures."

"I'm gonna take that as a compliment. I always know how to be photogenic."

You sigh. The couch on the balcony is there for you to sit on, but nevertheless you choose to put your butt on the armrest. Bisexual-cliche ass. Am I better tho, me, the sex-obsessed, flirty queen aromantic pansexual? I wonder if since the beginning, we're not just walking cliches created from the mind of a very, very cheeky writer.

The thought makes me snicker. You don't follow. Face tells me you're still angry at me. That's very fair. We never properly met to settle things and afterwards, I had my hands full with Elvira's surprise birthday.

"Something funny?"

"An intrusive thought. Mind if I sit?"

"That's your house."

Taking that as a yes. I take my place on the couch, pulling my legs close as a reflex before silence takes over again. I can see it annoys you, but what am I supposed to say? "I'm sorry"? "I won't do it again"? Such empty words for an empty man.

Because the truth is that I am sorry. And I will, probably, do it again, for I am far than strong enough.

Finally, you roll your eyes, arms crossed on your chest.

"I didn't come here to be ignored again, Emerens."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just at a loss from words."

"Ironic for the Ultimate Romance Novelist."

"I've always been better at finding words for others than for me."

You shrug, but keep silent. I guess I have to carry on, if I want to keep one of the most precious things in my life mostly intact.

"It's just... Been a lot. I'm aware it doesn't excuse anything, and it doesn't explain all... Everything since the moment I asked you that goddamn question just has been fuck-up after fuck-up from my part. And you took everything without even being involved in the first place."

"Glad you can admit it. But I didn't come here to get the apologies on that part. Your texts covered it enough. I want to know why you ignored me. Anger can't be the only explanation."

"I really am sorry for this-"

"I didn't ask for a sorry. I asked for a why."

Cut in the middle of my words, I turn my head towards you, dumbfounded. Of all the words that I expected coming from you, those were the last. And of all the emotions I was waiting for on your face, I didn't expect genuine worry.

Why would you worry about the one that hurt you?

I blink, searching for my words.

"I really don't think any explanation is satisfying-"

"Emerens, I did not come here to hear you wallowing in self-pity, I came here to understand why one of my best friends, the very one that promised me he would stay by my side not earlier than months ago, decided all of a sudden to not answer my texts, give me the silent treatment and lock himself in his room so he's unreachable and I'm driven back at his door. So please fucking tell me, because I am not moving until I have a better explanation than your fucking condition."

Your face is still the same, you never were an emotional person after all, I can't recall for one moment where I saw the shell crack at least a little. But your voice is snappy, your words full of an impromptu venom, and behind the patience I always envied you, I see a trembling eyelid.

I guess I can't escape behind empty words and shallow excuses. Only the truth holds here, and the liar finds it tastes sour on his lips used to the sweetness of dreams.

On my face grows something looking like a smile.

"If I had to search the closest explanation, I would guess it's because I didn't want to hurt you."

You roll your eyes, I can tell you're not convinced by my words. But not convinced is better that straight up not believing me. I guess the truth still hold to you a hint of certainty.

"Great fucking job you're doing there."

"I sense sarcasm. Never said it was supposed to be efficient."

A sigh escapes my lips.

"Last time I've been like... This, I've hurt people. Badly. Not intentionally, but it hardly matters in front of all the damage. And the thought of that pain happening to you makes me sick. Despite getting angry, I mean."

"And you didn't stop to think that isolating yourself may make thinks worse?"

"Oh, I did. But between losing you as a friend and being responsible for your damn death, the choice is all too easy."

You stay silent, still looking at me, still arms crossed, your eyes encouraging me to pick up where I left off. I suppose I have to. I have to gather my words and my truth to give you something I at least won't bring to my grave, no matter what you decide it's worth.

"Giving you the silent treatment was a dick move, and I can't deny it has been fed by my psychosis about secrets. But if I did stop caring about you and your feelings, you and I wouldn't be here on this balcony trying to make up."

I hide in my throat the fact that I wouldn't be here at all. You don't need to hear about how bad it's been. The emptyness. The cutter in my hand before Elvira sent me that message. The feeling that I'm growing to be no better than my mother, no better than my 13 years old self. The sensation of utter defeat.

You don't need that. And I certainly don't want Hope's Peak to be able to hear I relapsed. Not after the project. Not after I saw everyone lock themselves in a lab for days of weeks of months. No matter if it's by you, or the Ultimate Empress being right there at my own house.

I still think you caught the inner meaning of my words, because you frown, eyes still on me.

"I tried to do damage control, even in that state, but I suppose you get a clearer head when your mental health is not somewhere in the Marianna trench. So I won't deny I could have handled it better, or at the very least asked for help. I won't deny I'm at fault. But since you asked for an explanation..."

"And I guess it is an explanation. But really, next time, just ask for help."

A laugh escapes my throat, croaky and painful.

"You're asking for a lot to the sovereign of isolation."

I laugh some more, right before I'm interrupted by a pair of arms wrapping around me, and a chin of the top of my head. Provoking enough surprise for me to stop.

Dumbfounded, I couldn't even move an inch. My face, far from the heat that would usually take over, is unusually stiff, the same stiffness prompting my brain to run a function check. Because in what world are you of all people, less tactile than Sharon, more recluded than Thibault, more passive than Louna, initiating not only contact but also a hug?

It takes a few seconds for me to recover some braincells. Enough to prompt my lips to open, my tongue to formulate some words. Not enough to understand.

"....... Aren't you being unusually affective?"

"Oh, shut it. I thought you were done for, asshole, I think I'm owed a bit of unusual."

I suppose I can't deny that unflawed logic, or maybe it's the amount of brain cells that is still not enough to protest anything you say. All that's left is to enjoy it while il lasts, snuggling against you, smiling at the thought I haven't felt that kind of warmth for so long.

I bring you on my lap, tighten my grip on your back.

"I missed you."

Something laughs soflty in my hair.

"Likewise."

[bonefall]

Hey, what makes a character a 'plot device but not a character'? And how do you not do that? I'm trying to do it on purpose but also I need to still make them interesting because it's on purpose, yknow?

A good skill to pick up is to learn to criticise criticism itself. A "plot device" is simply a thing that moves the plot along, it's a neutral literary analysis term! Usually, when people are angry that "a character has been used as a plot device," it doesn't mean they hate plot devices. It means they're gesturing at something deeper.

Runningwind and Bumble are equally plot devices in their deaths. They are both killed by the antagonist to escalate political tension. Runningwind is rarely "accused" of just being a plot device, and yet, we're talking about Bumble for the same thing.

So, why?

Well, Runningwind is just a background character, but in life, he was a part of the community. He was characterized as impatient but responsible. Yet, he wasn't SO important that he died with a bunch of unresolved plot threads.

He is mostly an extension of the entity of ThunderClan. His killing by Tigerstar, and the fear and paranoia that settles on the group after this, feel like a progression of the story insteas of something forced.

Bumble, on the other hand...

Is hated immediately by Gray Wing, when she's established as Turtle Tail's friend. Bumble's abuse at Tom the Wifebeater's hands invites even MORE investment. The rejection is shocking and upsetting. There's a story there about our main characters being imperfect; jealous, bigoted, and judgemental.

But, she is simply killed off. Everything they set up for this character is gone with little personalized fanfare. It's not a tragedy with a lesson about cruelty, or something anyone regrets.

It's just... plot. Gray Wing whinging that no one will like his shitty brother now that his body count is 2.

More than that, in the discussion of women in particular, "Fridging" was coined to give a name to the way women characters often don't get their stories told at all. There is a CULTURAL trend of female characters facing disproportionate violence, for the sake of advancing male plots.

Bumble has a lot going for her. Petal had a lot going for her. Turtle Tail had a lot going for her. Bright Stream had a lot going for her. When they died, they took their potential with them.

It's not always wrong to kill off a character of high potential, mind you. In Gurren Lagann, Kamina's death is sudden and shocking, leaving a massive hole in the hearts of the cast that never heals. Grappling with that loss, but also letting his memory fuel them, is a major theme of that story.

All that to say... there's no formula for avoiding it. You've gotta identify what the deeper issue is, in your specific narrative.

I can't say for certain what that will look like for your story, but here's some things I keep in mind;

When you make characters who exist to die, make sure they're people before you axe them.

Ask yourself; what about them does the cast miss?

If they just miss them because they were (pre-existing relationship), go back to the drawing board.

Fluttering Bird as an example. Who was she? Dead sister. Why do they miss her? Dead sister. No traits until after her death.

Runningwind was short-tempered and helpful. Kamina was a valuable leader who made people believe in a brighter future. Swiftpaw was fiesty and desperate to prove himself. The better characterized, the more profound the loss usually is.

If this is a female character who is dying just to serve the plot, be aware of cultural bias and tropes. How is the gender ratio looking in your cast? Is this happening disproportionately with your girls?

Note how Quiet Rain's litter had both a boy and a girl, but the girl was chosen to be "weaker" and wither away.

And how most of the time in DOTC, whenever a man had to be upset, a girl would get killed for it.

If you ever feel like the character on the chopping block is NOT a full character, ask yourself why it needs to be a character at all. You don't need to spend narrative time building out someone when a literal object of high value might suffice.

"My sister died when I swore to protect her and I can't face my family" = Old. Tired. Ive seen this.

"I lost my heirloom sword when I swore to protect it and I can't face my family." = Fascinating. Why was the sword so valuable? Will they really not take you back? How did you lose it?

When you do kill off "high value" characters, try to make sure you're not leaving too many plot threads hanging. Or at least make a point of how they will never get closure.

[cluescorner]

Arlecchino's whole deal is unbelievable

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder what's causing my weird powers? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta become King and then kill my "Mother".

*Kills Clervie and "Mother"*

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I was able to defeat a Fatui Harbinger when I'm like 17 or so? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta be in jail and become a Harbinger.

*Is in jail for a while and becomes a Harbinger*

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I am-

Pierro: Hey what's up hello, anyways you're descended from the Crimson Moon Dynasty of Khaenri'ah. I'm sure that this is a lot for you to take in so-

Arlecchino: Ok.

Pierro: ...You're just cool with that?

Arlecchino: IDK maybe? I can't really worry about that at the moment, I'm a father now. This orphanage full of children I love (who also are child soldiers and are not allowed to leave or else I'll execute them except maybe now I'm just gonna wipe their memories IDK I'm morally complex) isn't gonna run itself.

*Runs the orphanage/spy recruitment initiative*

Me, the fucking player: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE KHAENRI'AN? WHY WASN'T THIS BROUGHT UP IN YOUR FUCKING QUEST?? OR ANYTHING ELSE????

Arlecchino, talking to me through my phone: I honestly don't know why you care, I'm too busy to give a shit. Anyways, I'm gonna go fight fate itself I guess. I'm sure that I don't share any thematic parallels with any other Khaenri'an characters (particularly as it relates to acting and family angst) and that I haven't made the idea of 'curses' on Khaenri'ans and what they entail even more complicated than they already were. See ya.

[ancha-aus]

No one escapes a writer's trauma beam :3

I am putting stuff together by subject don't mind me :3

It makes sense though! For Killer to have such an unhealthy relationship with Chara and to worship him. To Killer this was normal. it was always the same. Chara saved him. chara showed him freedom (which wasn't truly freedom) and showed him how to be himself (he never was himself) and it was better than before. so obviously this is it? isn't it? this is how it is suposed to be. this is happiness. this is freedom. Becuase it is better than before. (even a golden cage is still a cage)

but it started to eat at him. he started to see the difference. because chara never came to him. at first he can fool himself that is was trust but... chara did always say that killer would be hopeless without him. that killer is a dum-dum.

killer just needs to know for sure. see that his friend will come for him. then everything will be right! So he waits. and waits. and waits. But Nobody Came.

And 100% with nightmare. Ngihtamre and chara are at some points very alike. Nightmare just. didn't expect Killer to be this trauma filled and pretty much TRAINED to listen. Nightmare remembers killer speaking out against him. That is whay nightmare liked. that and the fact tha tkiller didn't hate him. To him it wouldn't make sense for Killer to be loyal becaus eloyalty was beaten into him. Killer spoke out against him before? What would stop him from doing it again?

but as time goes by. and probably because nightmare is close with ccino. Nightmare realises that if he wants killer to be his full knight. to be able to trust him fully. Ngihtamre NEEDS to trust him. Nightmare needs to take that step. he needs to show killer that he is trusted.

It is why he tells him everything after the mask ceremony. Becuase the mask Killer earned. And Nightmare wnats to give it to him. But it is only fair to Killer. To tell him everything before Killer fully commits. If killer can't handle this... then he can leave. he may keep the mask. he earned it much like the party thrown in his honour. but his choice is his to make. After learning the full truth.

I think that near the start Killer would almost take comfort in knowing nim and nightmare are related. it is easy for him to use that to fall into old patterns. to see it like 'see? it makes sense i am here na dfollow and trust him...' it is only after he got a lot of meals and rest and was able to just be between his training sessions... that he had time to think. to wonder. to really think back.

Killer also... sees the difference though. as his own slight worship fades again. that the servants don't worship him (ccino ESPECIALLY doens't worship nightmare) no one speaks of him as a god. he has godlike pwers yes. but he isn't a god. and nightmare never calls himself a god. he calls himself king. and that is what he keeps it as.

Killer sees that nightmare isn't worshipped. and no one is punished for not doing this. it makes him able to breka a bit away from the whole religion aspect of it all and focus more on real things. on the rpesent and the now and how it affects him.

and yeah. The more that i think about it... Killer probably at first had a bit of a celeberty crush on ccino. or like a kid liking their babysitter or soemthing. Just. a more worship/devotion kinda crush than an IN love crush.

And it is SAFE. because he knows ccino is out of reach. it makes ccino ironically a safe place for him to think about. because Killer knows it will never ever happen. Ccino will never ask these things of him because he is professional. It is a safe area to think and wonder about. think about what he would like and what would make him happy.

(more on this in my scheming so don't worry about it.)

but yeah! it is the time on his own where he just is able to act silly. to try things. to pet a cat and cry when the cats snuggle him. how he decides, for himself, that he will never ever hurt another cat ever again.

All of these little bits. they make killer killer.

because killer? he never had a chance to BE himself. To even figure out who he was. He always had to be a specific thing.

and it takes him a while but eventually killer figures out that while being a knight is a big deal. it doens't make killer killer. it is just a job. a job that killer eventually realises... tha the likes. a lot. killer likes being trusted. he likes to be able to trust the poeple he works with. to be able to defend and know they have his back.

and later.

When nightmare trusts him. When nightmare just has to be reminded he doens't need to be afriad?

That after nightmare was changed and just needed a reminder. needed someone to pull him out of his panic? and then killer was trusted again. Killer is so happy. that is his little brother. because nightmare picked killer out himself and killer is so happy he decided to stay.

As for what made killer stay? the simple fact he didn't know what else to do. He could leave. sure. but what then? go back to doing the same as before? the thing that chara wanted him to do? that would jsut bedoing somethign that someone wants him to do. the same as staying here. and heere he doesn't need to steal food or water. Here he can sleep in and gets special training.

He stays because it is a good deal... and then as he slowly forms his own personality and character... well... Killer is happy he tested chara. because he ended up being saved by nightmare.

(another part that sells it? nightmare never specifally acts as if killer needs to repay him. Nightmare wants himt o try for this job but it is his choice. killer took it. and is not letting go anymroe)

Okay. So Killer (New Age) lore post! Putting it immediately under the cut, because I get the feeling this will be longer-

Killer! He's the first one Nightmare takes in! He's the 'Average' one. The silver-tongued common street rat, literally snatched away from the gallows. He's obnoxiously loyal.

His story is going to be (hopefully) loosely based on his canon, but still follow a lot of the New Age conventions.

So, Killer was a straight up orphan. Like, abandoned as a babybones on the steps of a temple. Temples would often double as orphanages, if you dropped a kid at the right one. (Killer had a malformed soul from birth. Didn't affect him at all, just looked weird.) So Killer? He was raised religious, basically. Worshipping the deity which was most prominent at the time (which for this era, Nim was largely the one being worshipped as though a god. Like Rome worshipping the Emperor), a very strict environment, a very lonely one as there weren't many other kids, and a fairly violent upbringing. The people there were Not proper caretakers. But it was all Killer had, and running away never crossed his mind, because beyond the market, there was nothing for him that the temple couldn't give. At least, that's what he was taught. Until, of course, he met Chara (just going by the normal ut name tho I do think they're called the Player in Something New?). (Note: Killer had a different name before he left the temple.)

Killer was only 11 or 12 (he didn't really keep track) when Chara started coming with their parents to the Temple. Their parents would ditch them to talk to the adults, and Chara would try to find other things to do, to get out of their parents sight, and one day they spotted the Orphans. Killer in particular (the oldest) was their target, about their same age. And they would talk to him. At first he was hesitant, but, you know how it goes, kids are kids and they'll talk.

And over the course of several visits, Chara told Killer about the outside world. All the places and the animals (Killer told Chara that the sacrafices were all animals, very unique) and the ocean, they told him about the mountains and the towns and ships and the guard and all of it. And it got to Killer. He started wanting to go beyond the walls of the temple (he always had, but never had reason to understand that urge).

One night, Chara showed up at the temple grounds after dark, while Killer was doing his final cleaning checks, and they encouraged him to leave. to run away with them. And... well, he did. He stole a cloak from the doorway and ran off with Chara. While they were on the run, Chara from their parents and Killer from his temple, they had to do what all street-rats did. Steal, cheat, and protect themselves. Killer was the first of them to kill. it wasn't much different from sacrificing the animals on the altar, anyhow. It was just another way to get what he wanted, since the god, Nim, never had any answers to his prayers. The person he killed had recognized his name, other sects were after him now that he'd run with Chara (unbeknownst to him, Chara was meant to be a sacrifice once they were old enough). He changed his name to the skill he was good at: Killer.

And they stay like that for a long long time, never settling down, always on the move, never leaving the kingdom because doing so would make it easier to find them, two red marbles in a sea of blue ones. And Chara never got their hands dirty. it was always Killer. it was his duty to back-up Chara. he 'owed' them for getting him out of that Temple. Out of that boring life. Chara, in some way, became the center of his world, something beyond his grasp and beyond poor judgement. Beyond the flaws of any living being. And they were fine. They still did normal teenage things, they laughed, they joked, they played, they lied, they got sweet treats and split big loaves of bread. But it wasn't healthy. A parasitic relationship where Chara took and Killer gave, weighed down by an impossible debt to repay.

Then, years and years later, Killer was finally taken down by the guard. Now wanted for several counts of murder, theft, and other bad things, he was caught. This time, unlike several others, instead of breaking out like he normally did, h decided to wait and see. How long would he have to be gone for Chara to seek him out instead? And Chara left him. And left him. And didn't ever come back for him. Gone, fully, 100%. His faith broke, along with his hope. The one thing that motivated him in life had abandoned him, and he couldn't seem to bring himself to do anything anymore, because he had sacrificed all he was and wasn't enough to keep his only friend around.

In prison he talked with other people. Prisoners aren't all bad, you know, especially when they saw Killer, a young guy, looking so downtrodden. Even though he was an objectively horrible person, hearing others try to cheer him up, expecting nothing in return, was helpful.

And then, ofc, when he met Nightmare he decided he could have a ticket out of here. A weird guy who would give him a place to stay, and pay him, and he could just go and then escape like he always did? Go live his own life for the first time ever? Yeah, sounds banger.

But then, you know, he ended up finding Nightmare's situation much too interesting, and Ccino way too handsome, and his gig just a bit too cushy. But he never had blind faith again. Nightmare is unaware, but that fake faith act Killer started with quickly morphed into a faith earned through action, and care, and kindness. Killer saw and felt that Night would be willing to risk himself just as much as Killer would. (Maybe that's why he became so loyal. maybe that's why it's important that Killer came first and set that expectation for the other Knights. Maybe that's why Killer faced off against Dream and almost died, and why Nightmare ran infront of Killer to spare him that final blow and proved exactly why Killer followed him in the firstplace-)

[rosenfey]

things that are hard to find: writing advice that isn't condescending.