#because I like to listen to the same songs as I did 20+ years ago sue me

[kjack89]

2022 Spotify Wrapped Fic Meme

I had a lot of fun with these last year, so I figured I’d bring this back now that the 2022 Spotify Wrapped has dropped.

Send me a ship and a number 1-100 and I’ll write a drabble based (loosely) on the corresponding song from my 2022 top 100 on Spotify.

[omegalomania]

so im sure everyones fully well aware of the magic 8 ball site fob is using to promote a contest to win some tickets to see them in nashville. the little 8ball widget theyve got in browser is also modeled on the physical 8ball that they had in the vip merch packages for tourdust's first leg, which is cool! but of particular note is the way that, to fill out the contest form, you have to pick your favorite fall out boy songs. and the sheer breadth of what is allowed is...interesting? it's not cohesive by any means, but it is really wild the selection of songs they have here because not all of them are fob songs. in fact, quite a few of them aren't.

i went directly to the source code and got a full list of all possible songs that you could input (which you can check for yourself by right-clicking and selecting "view source"). i'm going to list them here for archival purposes, with a few notes/explanations cause some of these are WILD.

there are 187 songs total listed.

bolded songs indicate songs that are demos or never received an official release

italicized songs are songs by other bands

underlined songs indicate songs that are covers

songs with an asterisk beside them (*) indicate they are from patrick's solo catalogue. two asterisks (**) are for pete's.

additional commentary by me will be [in brackets]

20 Dollar Nose Bleed 27 7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen) 7-9 Legendary A Little Less Sixteen Candles, a Little More "Touch Me" A Nice Myth [one of the earliest fall out boy demos, found on their first ep, and only the casette version at that] Allie* Alone Together Alpha Dog America's Suitehearts American Beauty/American Psycho (song) American Made Art of Keeping Up Disappearances As Long as I Know I'm Getting Paid* Austin, We Have a Problem Baby Annihilation Bad Side of 25* Bang the Doldrums Beat It Big Hype* Bishops Knife Trick Bob Dylan Bounce [this is a song that came out on then-Decaydance labelmates The Cab's debut record, Whisper War, which patrick produced. he has writing credit and also is credited with background vocals (and also shows up in the music video)] Caffeine Cold Calm Before the Storm Centuries Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends Champion Check Your Phone** Chicago is So Two Years Ago Church City in a Garden Coast (It's Gonna Get Better)* Coffee's for Closers Cryptozoology* Cute Girls* Cyanide** [this is a nothing,nowhere song that pete did some spoken word parts and backing vocals on] Dance Miserable* Dance, Dance Dead on Arrival Dear Future Self (Hands Up) Death Valley Deep Blue Love* [song patrick did for the indie short film "spell"] Demigods Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes Don't You Know Who I Think I Am? Electric Touch [the (in?)famous taylor swift song patrick featured on] Eternal Summer Everybody Wants Somebody* Explode* Fake Out Fame Less than Infamy Favorite Record Fellowship of the Nerd [this is an alternate title for world's not waiting, as far as i can tell] Flu Game Flu Game [yes flu game is listed twice for some reason] Footprints in the Snow [demo from the Llamania ep] Fourth of July From Now on We Are Enemies G.I.N.A.S.F.S. Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows) Ghostbusters (I'm Not Afraid) Golden Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy Greed* Grenade Jumper Grow Up and Be Kids [this song is on The Cab's sophomore album Symphony Soldier, which release after they left decaydance. nonetheless, pete does have some writing credits on it. give it a listen and you'll hear for yourself in the first 10 seconds or so] Growing Up Hand Crushed by a Mallet [this is a remix of the 100gecs song of the same name; patrick did some vocals for it] Hand of God Have I Got a Gift for You* [song patrick did for the horror movie black friday] Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet Heartbreak Feels So Good Heaven's Gate Heaven, Iowa Hold Me Like a Grudge Hold Me Tight or Don't Homesick at Space Camp Honorable Mention Hot to the Touch, Cold on the Inside Hum Hallelujah I Am My Own Muse I Don't Care

I Got Nothing, But You Got Something [this is the one that really perplexes me. there's no evidence of this song actually existing, other than an unverified genius post and an article on a single fandom wiki. it is inexplicably listed here despite its very existence being questionable at best.]

I Slept with Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) I'm Like a Lawyer with the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off (Me & You) I've Been Waiting [this is technically a lil peep song with fall out boy as a feature] I've Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song) I've Got All This Ringing in My Ears and None on My Fingers Immortals Irresistible It's Hard to Say 'I Do', When I Don't It's Not a Side Effect of the Cocaine, I Am Thinking It Must Be Love Jet Pack Blues Just One Yesterday Lake Effect Kid (song) Lake Shore Drive [this is a song patrick covered on the piano at wrigley, first night of tourdust] Love from the Other Side Love Will Tear Us Apart Love, Selfish Love* Love, Sex, Death Lullabye Mad at Nothing* Miss Missing You Moving Pictures My Heart Is the Worst Kind of Weapon My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up) New Dreams [this is a bonus track on pax am days, a naked rayguns cover] Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner Novocaine Of All the Gin Joints in All the World One of Those Nights [another song from the cab's whisper war. this one has patrick doing vocals very prominently] Open Happiness [this was a huge collaborative piece done for a coca cola commercial. patrick was on it along with big names like cee lo green, janelle monae, and labelmates travie mccoy and brendon urie] Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued Parker Lewis Can't Lose (But I'm Gonna Give It My Best Shot) Past Life [llamania ep] Pavlove People Never Done a Good Thing* Porcelain* Pretty in Punk Rat a Tat Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over Roxanne Run Dry (X Heart X Fingers)* San Diego [this is a blink-182 song that patrick did some writing for] Saturday Saturday Night Again* Save Rock and Roll (song) Sending Postcards from a Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here) She's My Winona Short, Fast, and Loud Snitches and Talkers Get Stitches and Walkers So Good Right Now So Much (For) Stardust (song) So Sick [this is a song patrick has exclusively covered live, so it's a fascinating inclusion] Sober [another blink-182 song patrick did some writing for] Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year Star 67 Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea Sugar, We're Goin Down Summer Days (song) [this is a martin garrix song patrick lent some vocals to] Sunshine Riptide Super Fade Switchblades and Infidelity Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today The "I" In Lie* The (After) Life of the Party The (Shipped) Gold Standard The Carpal Tunnel of Love The Kids Aren't Alright The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years) The Last of the Real Ones The Mighty Fall The Music or the Misery The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes The Phoenix The Pink Seashell The Pros and Cons of Breathing The Take Over, the Breaks Over The World's Not Waiting (For Five Tired Boys in a Broken Down Van) This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race This City* Thnks fr th Mmrs (song) [for some reason the site specifies song here, despite that not being necessary. the only other times this distinction is relevant is when songs share a title with their albums, i.e. save rock and roll] Thriller Tiffany Blews Twin Skeleton's (Hotel in NYC) Uma Thurman Untitled 1 (Colorado Song) Untitled 2 (Jakus Song) [both of these are recently released tttyg era demos] W.A.M.S. We Didn't Start the Fire We Don’t Take Hits, We Write Them [this is a song that famously was only ever performed live. we don't have a studio recording or even a demo, as only live versions exist] We Were Doomed from the Start (The King is Dead) West Coast Smoker What a Catch, Donnie What a Time To Be Alive What's This? When I Made You Cry* Where Did the Party Go Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) Wrong Side of Paradise [llamania ep] XO You're Crashing, But You're No Wave Young and Menace Young Volcanoes Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

in conclusion i have no idea who compiled this list. it doesn't include every song patrick and pete have ever touched (notice the lack of gym class heroes, cobra starship, and hush sound discography) but it has a really weird selection of songs. i mean, blink songs patrick wrote on?? its bizarre.

anyway do you think if we mass request swing me by the rafters they'll have to do it

[utilitycaster]

I'm curious about your judgement of the success of the various format experimentations in Campaign 3. If you feel like saying a bit more, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on which are the most and least successful, and why.

Sure! So as I said earlier today, I think a big problem is that the format experimentation and the moon plot are directly at odds. Pulling off the moon plot, with all the NPCs from past campaigns and payoff of various canonical setups requires a pretty firm hand on what the current canon is, and also really did require a firmer hand in the character creation than there was. On the other hand, the point of experimentation is to let other people play in the space and introduce their ideas. This comes together in what I have referred to in the past as "Not Now." Like, the Crown Keepers showing up just as the party was grappling with FCG's death? Not bad as a concept, but Not Now. Abubakar playing Corellon? Incredible performance, but the fact that he was given free rein in a plot that's already shedding viewers left and right for its lack of direction? Not Now.

On an individual level:

I think EXU Prime either needed to be fully standalone, or Matt needed to provide a slightly more rigid direction to Aabria and therefore really couldn't play Dariax. If it's going to get woven into the main plot of Campaign 3 it needs to set that up (including giving Liam and Ashley a heads up beforehand). My personal vote would be for the former, to allow Aabria to tell her own story without it having to serve like 20 different functions, but what's done is done. If I recall, Liam and Ashley had the option to play different characters for Campaign 3 and I do wonder what would happen if they had decided differently, because you could still have Dorian pop up as a guest but I wonder if the Crown Keepers would have shown up in the same way.

Similarly, as stated, the general concept of the Crown Keepers interlude during the campaign as a means to bring in Dorian? I'm not opposed, though I think this is by far the hardest thing to coordinate generally and for a plot as demanding as Campaign 3 probably not a great idea. But it's hard to judge because the timing was truly the worst timing possible given the events of episode 91, and even delaying by like an episode or two would have at least solved that to the point that I don't understand why they didn't just...do that. (and, just to head off this particularly stupid argument at the pass, this would not have in any way affected Sam's ability to take time off for cancer treatment; it would have just shifted things around, and a lot of this experimentation was planned WELL in advance). [sidebar: I haven't listened to the WBN interlude yet but I do have thoughts because I think interludes from different GMs can be done, but the premise of Campaign 3 is particularly hostile towards them unless the main GM has a very heavy hand in their creation or unless they are light on things relevant to the core plot and mostly for the purpose of worldbuilding a la Song of the Lorelei.]

Solstice split was excellent and I think it's because it was not actually anything you wouldn't see in how people frequently play D&D at home. You have a few players who won't be available for a few sessions in a row? Great, find a reason to split the party, bring some other guest players in, and run some side quests!

Downfall was great because it was diagetic. It was a story within a story that Bells Hells was seeing and responding to, and because it took place so long ago with such specific characters, while it may bleed into how Laura, Taliesin, or Ashley feel in game (impossible to prevent, people bring their own feelings to the table), Matt still has room to decide how the Raven Queen, Wildmother, or Everlight feel a thousand years later. I also feel this had the most direction from Matt, which the other things really needed.

As said, bringing in Abubakar to DM as Corellon is something that again, this plot simply doesn't handle well. It makes for a fantastic scene, but within the 107-and-counting episodes of this story, giving the reins to someone else after you finally have a clear plan and letting them throw another curveball is a terrible idea narratively. I think this again would be fine in a story with a looser plot.

Echoes of the Solstice and presumably the upcoming Vox Machina Malleus Key/Mighty Nein Weave Mind concept is again pretty good. This also fits into things that D&D home games have been doing forever - run a one shot or mini campaign following different characters but DM-ed by the same person that have an impact on the current plot but aren't too closely interwoven. Basically this is like the solstice split in concept.

Essentially: I think playing around with the format within a campaign but having the same GM is pretty easy to do. Once you introduce other GMs acting within the world concurrently (rather than as a story with a foregone conclusion a la Downfall, or for that matter Calamity) you need to be extremely careful if you are trying to tell a specific story with a lot of moving parts, as Matt is with Campaign 3. It's one thing to improvise based on things your players do or say; it's another to do so based on improv by a major NPC or someone doing extensive worldbuilding mid-game that you now need to incorporate. This wouldn't be an issue in a more sandbox-style game; Campaign 2 might have been able to withstand it more gracefully, though I'm still not sure. But Campaign 3 was the wrong place to do it. Again, it's trying to converge in some places and diverge in the others and as a result it's just kind of flopping around in place.

[dazaiandhislovelybandages]

No Commitments {Kishibe}

A/n: okay so... can someone tell me why I see Kishibe as something more than just someone who is there to fuck you? Am I sick? Depraved? I am not going to say anything else. Just enjoy this

Pairings: Kishibe x f!eader

Warnings: age gap (reader is in her very early 20s and Kishibe is in his 50s), mentions of death, implied sexual activities, mentions of drinking, mentions of virginity loss

Work was tough. You both knew it. Being a devil hunter was not easy.

You had no idea how the two of you had ended up working together especially since you had joined the organisation just two months ago. But you were good and you had ended up climbing the ranks, quickly gaining respect from your coworkers.

Meeting Kishibe had felt like meeting a legend. Everyone talked about him as if he was some sort of god and you understood why as soon as you saw him in the battlefield.

The very same night the squad that had been sent to that mission went out for drinks to celebrate the fact that no one died. Everyone ended up going in seperate ways but aparently you and Kishibe lived towards the same direction.

Long story short the two of you ended up making out. The excuse was simple: both of you drunk too much. But it was a lie. You had had only three shots of sake and Kishibe had only downed two glasses of whiskey.

The sexual tension became stronger as time passed by and soon enough you ended up in his bed.

But you had had an agreement with him that day: it's not a relationship, it's not exclusive and it was simply because you were too bored to find someone else, both of you. It wasn't even friends with benefits.

"We'll get caught." You breathed out, your back pushed against the wall of one of the very few secluded spots in the work building. Kishibe's mouth left your neck in a matter of seconds as the two of you heard footsteps.

Ten minutes later you had to leave for a mission in which he wasn't included.

Of course the mission went well, thankfully there were no casualties amongst the demon hunters and you returned to your apartment after completing the necessary paperwork, having received the weekend off.

The rest of the day passed with you sitting at the balcony of your apartment, a bottle of wine placed on the table. Old school rock could be heard from inside your apartment, coming from the long forgotten laptop on the couch.

You just sat there, enjoying the view of the setting sun, occasionally taking a sip from your glass of wine. It was really a scene out of a book on second guess, your feet on the chair across from the one you were sitting on, your head thrown back enjoying those sad love songs from your playlist.

It was peaceful. Like life should be but the world was too fucked up.

It was really peaceful.

Until there was banging on your door. At first it had been the doorbell but you hadn't even heard it with all the music. So when the banging intensified, you quickly stood up, heading back inside and answering the door.

"You have a phone for a reason." Kishibe entered your apartment with an angry expression on his face. It wasn't like him to show emotion.

"It was a tough day." You mumble and sit down on the couch.

"The fuck I care. Three teams were sent on missions today and two of them didn't make it." It was weird. Having him scolding you for something you didn't even know yet had certainly not been on your bucket list. Even the way he was standing, looking down at you, a cigarette between his pointer and middle fingers, was odd and so unlike him.

"I am sorry?" You really were. Hearing that some of your coworkers would never return home crushed your heart everytime but you had slowly and cruely gotten used to it.

"Listen, kid, I have been a devil hunter for god only knows how many years and not once have I ran to look at the diceased list like I did today."

Your lips parted slightly at the sound of that. "Are you drunk?" You couldn't help but ask. Kishibe never acted like that. He had never been worried for you all this time you two knew each other. Or at least that was what he showed you. There was always this bored expression on his face, a pained one as well, with the wrinkles near his expressionless black eyes and the scar across his cheek showing exactly what he had been through and why he didn't even care anymore.

"Wish I was." The tone of his voice was harsh and that was why your words shouldn't have had that teasing tone.

"Why? Were you worried?"

Next thing you knew you were naked in your bed. You had to give it to him though. For a man his age, he had an excellent stamina.

"You should find someone better." He exhaled the smoke, turning his head slightly so you wouldn't have to smell it, the window of your room, open.

"There's better?" You mumbled, completely fucked out and still in a slight bliss.

Kishibe chuckled, putting out his cigarette in the tray on your nightstand and for the first time since the two of you had started having sex, he caressed your hair. It felt as if he was pressing your head further against his scarred chest.

"Someone who isn't an old pervert."

"Why do you care old man?" You lifted your head slightly to look at him. "It's not like we are together. We're just fucking."

You didn't want to say those words. Maybe because sex with Kishibe never felt like 'just fucking'. Or maybe you had been delusional and crazy to think that there could be even the slightest sign of emotion in his actions. He was a sick old pervert after all.

Had you been this naive? You had given your virginity to this man.

But then again... you were simply repeating what he would always say to you.

"You're right kid." He mumbled, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. He had caught his breath quicker than you which was impressive on its own. "I don't even know why I am here."

"It's just fucking." You hadn't meant to say it out loud but those words just kept repeating in your head. You were trying to convince yourself that you didn't have feelings for this man.

"Is it?"

"You said you didn't like commitments."

"I don't."

"But?"

"There's no but." Maybe not looking at each other was for the best. "Shame on you, kid. Shame on you for thinking that an old pervert like me could keep our agreement after giving me even the slightest sign that you care if I am dead or not."

"I never said I care." It really was a shame. It was a shame because you thought he would have never seen past the cold and snobbish act you put on when around him. As if Kishibe was blind.

"Stop lying to yourself."

A long pause followed. You didn't know what to say. You knew that one of you could die in the very next mission so what would be the point of getting in a relationship just to lose one another someday?

"I don't like labels." Kishibe finally said, reaching out his hand to grab the lighter from the nightstand to light the cigarette between his lips. That was when you decided it was time one of you actually initiated eye contact. "So let's just say that I want to be the only one who gets to see you like this."

[coucouatoi]

we're not who we used to be | h.s.

Pairing: Harry Styles X Reader

Summary: Some letters you've written but never sent to Harry over the years.

Warnings: Angst... so much... there's some fluff, emphasise on the some, there's a hopeful ending tho!

A/N: Sooo this is the childhood friends to strangers fic no one asked for... Hope you all enjoy! This is my writing debut in Harry land :)

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April 10' 2010

To: Harry Styles From: Your first fan

Hiya Harry,

It's currently 11:29 pm about 10 hours away from your audition. I figured since you told me to stop praising you and boosting your ego, I'm writing down the rest of the things I want to say.

Firstly, I know you're going to smash it! All the judges are going to want you in. There's no chance that they won't see how special you are, how you're the next big thing.

I won't let you back out of it last second! Anne, Gemma and I are ready to drag you onto the stage, we've discussed it thoroughly...

Secondly, I'm already so proud of you. This is a huge step, I know how nervous you are about it. How you think that everything is going to go wrong and that you'll fail. I've got enough hope in you for the both of us. I'll stand by your side the whole time and I'll cheer the loudest.

To finish, you're Harry Styles. You can do anything.

Break a leg superstar!!

Cheering you on already,

Your first-ever fan

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December 12' 2010

To: Harry Styles From: Your biggest fan

Harry!

You've made it all the way to the finals! It's crazy! I knew you could do it but seeing you go further and further has been surreal.

I hope you and the other boys get along well! We haven't had much chance to really gossip about it all, you seem excited with them!

The finale is set to start in about 2 hours and I had to get some emotions out (my mom was tired of hearing them... rude) Anyway! I remembered that I had written you a letter a few months ago and now I'm back in this notebook.

I'm so nervous, excited and kind of nauseous about watching the last episode tonight. I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now... You must be so scared but incredibly jittery!

I'm counting the days until I get to see you again! I want to hear everything that's happened behind the scenes! You know how nosy I am!

I've already taken up two pages so I'll stop for now.

You can do this!

Talk to you soon,

Your favourite person ever

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March 7' 2011

To: You From: Me <3

You called me Angel today...

I don't know what to make of that.

I had so many butterflies in my stomach.

Could you call me that again?

You're my favourite person,

Angel

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November 20' 2011

To: Harry From: Angel

Boo!

You finally let me listen to the full album today! Said you had to be there when I listened to it so you could give me all the secrets. You also wanted to see live how I reacted to every song. You're too cute.

"I Want" is my current favourite.

You did tell me that you'd resonated with a lot of the lyrics you sang on this album. That almost scares me.

How did you relate? Who was going through your mind?

You do have the world at your feet now. I shouldn't feel jealous but I do like having you all to myself. Don't worry I'll get used to sharing...

The Up All Night Tour is starting soon! I'm happy that you've invited me to come to some shows. I'll be there no matter if I have to miss school.

I have to show all these newbies that I'm THE biggest Harry Styles fan out there!

Hopefully, you thought about me while signing.

Because I think about you all the time,

Your favourite fan.

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April 13' 2012

To: Harry From: Angel

G'Day Mate!

So you're officially all the way in Australia now! That's so exciting I wish that you could have stuffed me into your suitcase... sniff

I bet it's super warm there! Or not wait their seasons aren't the same as ours, are they? I'm not even sure...

Hopefully, you can tan a little while you're there! Don't go near any animals or insects!!

I miss you a lot, maybe I'll send this one (spoiler I definitely won't).

Talk to you soon hopefully.

Go swim in the ocean,

Someone who wants to be in it

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August 29' 2012

To: Harry From: Angel?

You haven't come to see me since you've been back.

Too busy being a celebrity?

I've been seeing all these tabloids... I'm not allowed to be jealous I know but I miss you.

I hope you've missed me.

I really really wish you were here with me or that I was with you wherever you are now.

I just want to be us.

Have you forgotten your friend from the small town already?

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January 1' 2013

To: Harry From: Someone You've Hurt

I don't know what to think,

You kissed me. It made me happy.

You said it was a New Year's kiss.

You said you drank too much, it hurt.

You ended up kissing someone else about 20 minutes later.

That hurt even more it almost made me feel used.

I'm happy you were my first kiss.

I don't think you'll even remember it,

Y/N

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November 27' 2014

To: Harry From: Me

I love the new album, took me a while to finally listen to it. I thought you'd come home and make me listen to it in your presence.

You didn't. The first album that I've listened to alone.

Spaces and Fools Gold are my favourite songs. I wonder how many lyrics you resonate with. How many of them did you write?

Come home?

Only for a day please,

Your first Angel

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October 21' 2015

To: Harry From: Y/N

It's been a while,

It's your mom's birthday today. Well only for a few more hours...

She invited my family and me to the party, and of course we went. I didn't think you'd be there. I haven't seen you in almost a year.

It was fun.

Catching up about everything that's been going on with you and the band. Your life is so much more interesting than mine now.

I'm just a boring college student... you're this huge star but that's ok there's no one like you for me, you're my safe place. No matter how far away.

You asked about my love life and I told you about the date I had a few days ago. You asked if we had sex, I lied and said yes. I didn't want to embarrass myself by telling you no one's ever been with me like that.

We ended up getting drunk. Too drunk.

We fucked.

You took my virginity and you have no idea... should I tell you? You were so good. So gentle, loving but you fucked with a purpose, you needed to get off. I won't ever see your childhood bedroom the same way.

This was only a few hours ago.

I've felt every emotion about it. Now I'm crying because I know you'll find someone new to share a bed with. I'm just a notch in your headboard.

It meant everything to me.

But I think I regret it...

Y/N

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May 12' 2017

To: You From: Me

Really?

I hope Only Angel isn't about me.

But I'm overanalysing every single song. Is one about me? Did you think of me while making this album?

We haven't talked since the last time we saw each other. When we fucked again. It wasn't even the second time, after your mom's birthday two years ago we never stopped. It's all we do when we see each other.

It doesn't make me feel all that much better but I feel like if it wasn't for that we wouldn't even know each other anymore.

I'm moving away this year. Got a job offer in Canada and I'm taking it.

Maybe I'll get over you... hopefully.

I can't live my whole life waiting for someone who I don't know anymore.

I'm blocking your number.

I miss who we used to be,

Your first-ever fan

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December 4' 2019

To: H From: Y/N

Hello,

You've crawled your way back into my life, Harry. This morning, you decided to send me your album. Your new one, Fine Line. Your fans haven't even heard it yet. The public hasn't either.

You didn't write a single thing in your email, the mp3 link was staring me down with your automated signature. Not even a greeting.

I shouldn't have listened to it.

I don't know why you sent it to me. We haven't spoken or crossed paths in over a year. Not since I moved and tried to get rid of every way of contact between us.

I still haven't answered, I don't think I will.

You don't get to know what I feel about it. Not anymore.

I'm sorry Harry.

I've moved on,

Y/N

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December 13' 2019

To: H From: Y/N

Your new album came out today.

I'm proud of you even if we are strangers now.

You're a superstar.

I always knew you would be,

Y/N

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March 17' 2020

To: H From: Y/N

I saw that you had to postpone your tour.

You must feel so defeated.

I know I do. Everything's been closed and opened and closed again here in Canada. It's getting exhausting.

I hope the world starts working again soon.

This all sucks...

Crossing my fingers for the tour,

Y/N

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

May 18' 2022

To: Harry From: Y/N

Hi,

You sent me the album before the release again.

This time you did say something: I miss you Angel, Can we meet up?

I didn't think I could feel so many butterflies in my stomach. I felt like a teenager again. And I cried more than once listening to Harry's House.

I'm still considering if I should answer... if I do what should I choose? Should I agree and go into the unknown or forget it happened and keep on going with my life?

I miss you too... the one I knew. Not the one who used me. I guess I used you too... How did we get here?

All I want is to be loved and to be in love.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for the hurt this will bring but maybe I should just be a grown-up about this...

I want you back in my life.

That scares me,

Y/N

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

August 16' 2022

To: Harry From: Y/N

Well,

I'm going to the Love On Tour today and after we are going to "meet". We even have until the 20th because that is when your next show is, after today obviously.

You were so excited when I agreed.

It's almost as if no time has passed when we text (he changed his number in the last few years... no need for an embarrassing unblocking).

My friend, the one who convinced me to agree, helped me pick out an outfit. Thankfully for her, I won't stick out like a sore thumb in the crowd of feather boas and cowboy hats.

I really want this to work.

I want to believe that we can be good again. We can be healthy for one another again but I'll be worried until I see you.

Until we speak.

I won't let myself touch you, I have a feeling that it would be far too easy to fall back into a bed. Maybe a hug would be okay.

I'm excited for the show, to see the Superstar Harry Styles in action. After so many years you have to have evolved so much.

You aren't little Harry from Worcestershire anymore.

I'm not the same person I once was either.

See you tonight.

Break a leg,

Y/N

[bestedoesmeow]

⋆Barmen Charles leclerc x Younger reader⋆

inspired by the summer I had few years ago. Still thankful for the experience, and joy you brought to my life even though we are not really in good terms right now :)

'' One summer your whole system of understanding love changes due to some monegasque barmen that you meet on a holiday that you thought to be just like others.''⋆

PART 1 ( click on the title to listen to the song while reading the story!!)

'' I am just gonna go and get a bottle of water from the bar. Why am I making such a big deal out of it?" You are talking to yourself, while your hands are shaking with the excitement you feel and your blood is rushing crazily through your cheeks. It's hot—unbelievably, amazingly, and almost unbearably hot for someone to even try to walk. But there you are, walking in a rush in your swimsuit and sunglasses, with flushed red cheeks and shaky hands because of the image you have of him in your mind. You are afraid that you are going to forget how to talk when you see him—his pretty green eyes, showy smile showing off his dimples, the almost invisible freckles he has on his nose due to the humidity and salt. Is he 24? Maybe 20? You don't know anything, probably you don't even care though—all you care about is how he makes you feel whenever you see him standing at that bar, preparing drinks for people and sending that shy yet confident smile at the same time whenever someone says "thank you" or "you look handsome." Old ladies, their daughters, and even some gentlemen—everyone there is in awe of how handsome and charming he is. It would be a pity if you weren't. You don't know if you feel jealous that he has too many options or feel happy that you are not alone, with everyone adoring him. While wishfully thinking, you realize you are almost standing in front of the bar, with the sounds of the harsh sea in your ears and some people sitting on the chairs behind you after getting out of the sea to grab something to eat. Lunch? Probably.

"What can I get you?" His French accent echoes in your ears, leaving you even weaker and more vulnerable to any attack. He smiles at you—those dimples, those damn dimples. Those smiling eyes and his welcoming gesture—almost too welcoming that you start to think about telling him everything. Right there, just right there.

"Can I get a bottle of water? It's getting even hotter and I just can't stan—" You stop, wondering why you just couldn't get the water and go. Did you really have to?

"Oh, it's unbelievably hot today," he says. "I can't tell you how many t-shirts I've changed into. It's freaking hot," he adds. You feel the sweat drops on your back flow down by the time he stops speaking. Thanks, thanks for not leaving me there cringing hard at myself. Thanks for talking back about the fucking weather and making it seem like a big issue.

"Why don't you take a seat? I'll make you a Martini. Pink? That'll cool you off for sure."

You try to comprehend the moment, his voice, his offer. You look around to see if he has anyone other than you to talk to, but it seems like you are alone.

"You aren't underage, are you?" he says this time. It is the fourth time he has spoken, but there is something in your throat that controls you, and you just can't come up with words. You take a seat, and your bikini drips some water.

"I am wet, like, so much that I probably shouldn't sit, so I'll only get the water, thank y—"

He cuts you off before you can even finish your sentence, as if he is just as excited to talk with you. At least you wish he is.

"Oh, come on, do you think people who come here to drink are all suited up? Don't worry, I'll take care of it after. Martini?" His French accent is even more visible now, and he is raising an eyebrow at you. Is he being flirty or just being nice? Or is he always like this?

"Yeah, okay," you say, trying not to sound so unsure, excited, or like a teenager who has a crush on an older guy who seems like a Greek god or a prince?

He nods and looks into your eyes before acting to prepare your drink, while you pick at the sides of your nails.

"What is your name?" he asks suddenly, and you are not expecting it. It's too much for you to handle, and your heart is almost about to stop with all the affection from the guy. You are determined not to show it, though.

"Oh, it's Y/N."

"That's a nice name. Mine is Charles, nothing special, you know," he says while pouring your drink with almost shaky hands. Is he okay? Or too shy? Or are they forcing him to make connections with people?

"I love your name. I mean, I love the name 'Charles,' sounds magical, maybe?" His lips are curled into a wide smile, while little sweat drops are determined to fall from his forehead.

"You think so?"

"Yes, it's a great name. You should realize it too," you say this time before taking a sip from the Martini he just prepared for you—with his own, freaking beautiful hands.

"How old are you, huh?" he says. He leans his body on the counter, and his gaze is focused on yours. His green eyes wander around your face while you try not to turn your head around because the connection is too much more than you can handle.

"Nineteen."

"That's a nice age. I am 24, and I feel like I am already too old to do lots of things," he says. Finally, he cuts the eye contact to clean some glasses left behind by the people who just thanked him for the delicious drinks.

"Well, that's wrong. You look much younger, though, if it helps," you say. Did you really say that? You can't believe you can just sit there and talk to him—the guy you've been drooling over for almost three days maybe? Is this what magic feels like? Or am I in a dream?

"Thanks, amour. That's so nice of you to say. How long are you planning to stay here? In France?"

"We are leaving this weekend." And I am also leaving you here, with all of my beautiful feelings and all of my dreams.

"That's bad. Have I served your family before? How long have you been staying here?"

"About a week, maybe? Yes, and you have. They like you, to be honest. Your vibe is all over the place."

SHUT UP. TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, HUH? STOP IT. HE'LL THINK YOU'RE DESPERATE.

"That's so nice to hear such a thing from someone like you. How come you never came to the bar?"

"I did, but it's always too crowded, you know? It's hard to find a place to sit."

"I know, I know," he says, and he turns his head to take another hotel customer's drink order. You take another sip from the Martini before wrapping your towel around your shoulders and pretending to get up from the chair.

"Thanks for the drink, Charles," you say, hoping he can hear you. You wouldn't take it personally if he couldn't, though.

"Nice meeting you, Y/N," he says, leaving the shaker there to say goodbye to you. He left his job to say goodbye to you? What is going on here? Can someone punch or pinch you?

He comes closer to you before handing you a napkin with some numbers written on it.

"Call me before you leave, so we can spend some time together. We can hit the downtown or go anywhere you'd like to see, huh?"

"Yes, of course."

He leaves you there with bouncy heart, sweaty palms, shaky legs, and body. His cologne follows you to your room, along with the dream of him.

[inkbutterflyuniverse]

Sooooo I watched the new Descendants movie.

I have a LOT of things to say about it.

I won't talk about the fact that everyone goes to the same school because it's already been talked by many and many people. Yes it's dumb, we can all say that and agree on this point.

The first thing I need and want to say is the songs. I listened to the songs of the first three movies, and there really wasn't THAT MUCH auto-tune.

All the songs in the new movie are very autotuney, you can hear how much post-production there is.

This, and the fact that EVERY SONG has part where they talk/sing. I don't know if there's a word for it. It's like they were like "young people love rap and pop, so we will do a mix of this!" but it's not rap, and it's not really pop.

And that's the thing I'm the most mad about. I love the songs that Disney Channel offers us, and I think it's the first time where no song really hit me.

Now, let's talk about the plot. I wasn't expecting that ending. The fact that they succeed wasn't something I predicted. Because in everything that involves Time Travel, we're always told that changing the past would change the future and that it could have some repercussions that won't be good.

I was really expecting them to be the one who would provoc the prank as they were meddling. I thought that Ulyana would have the book thanks to them making a mistake or something like that.

I also really thought that we would see that ball before they go back. Because what if it wasn't Ulyana but someone else who pranked Bridget? Then they would have done everything for nothing.

The end confirms that changing the past will have repercussions but I don't really want another movie with Ulyana coming back as an adult or something else. 🙄 Or just, I don't want another movie PERIOD.

Also, I want to talk about the beginning.

So you're telling me that Mal, Ben, Evie and Jay left and they let Uma in charge of the kingdom? Like wtf bro.

Why would they let UMA of all the people in charge? I thought that Uma would just be the principal, not in charge of everything...

Ben's parents are still alive, they can retake their throne for a moment, while continuing Ben's policies for the time he's away.

(Even though, the king and queen shouldn't left their kingdom like that, without a heir, because you know... Frozen? Tangled the serie? An accident can happen really fast)

Oh and, Uma said Auradon was created 30 years ago, so it's been nine/eight years since Descendants? (Mal said 20 years ago at the beginning of the first movie) And it's just now that they decide to leave? 🙄

About the plot of the movie, I didn't find it really entertaining, I won't say it was a bad moment watching this, but I won't say that it was a good moment either... It was okay, at best.

The characters were not that good and except Red, and maybe the young Ella for her talk to Chloe, I can't say that I like them.

You're telling me that Cinderella's OWN DAUGHTER doesn't know what her mom past was?? She doesn't know she was abused and treated like a servant by her stepmother and her stepsisters??

No wonder that Chad was like that if they were raised as royals and never learned about anything else. She doesn't know how to wipe the floor. She touched a vase and it broke?

What did their mom taught them?? I was very happy to have Brandy and Paolo back at first, but if it's to portray them as royals and that's all, then what's the point??

Ella was Bridget's best friend, she said "let's go together to the ball" but when she was there, she left her for the prince?? 🙄 And then, Bridget got back to her kingdom and never saw Ella again?

That's not what I call a best friend. Evie is Mal's best friend because she acknowledged what Mal went through, and she told her that it was okay if she wanted to stay on the Isle, that it didn't mean they wouldn't stay friends. They had a beautiful duet in Descendants 2 about their friendship. And through the movies, they showed that they were there for each other.

When Evie needed comfort after Chad? Mal was there, telling her she was smart.

When Mal got her first date? Evie was there.

When Mal ran away to the Isle, Evie felt bad for not noticing what was happening to her best friend, and got back there, even though we know that she hates this place.

When Mal got cursed by Audrey, Evie was there, telling her she was still beautiful, and she accompanied her to the Isle.

When Doug was asleep and Evie was doubting about their love? Mal (and Uma) were there, telling her to try it. Mal knew that it would work because she knew that they both loved each other.

In every occasion, the three original movies showed us what it was like being a best friend. And in the fourth one, it didn't work. Nor with Bridget and Ella, nor with Red and Chloe. (Even if it's arguable that it's the beginning of Red and Chloe's relationship so who knows in the future?)

But the point was that Ella wasn't a good friend to Bridget if she just let her deal with Ulyana's prank. And if she said that it was just a prank, without considering the effect it might have on Bridget.

But it doesn't mean I hated everything. I liked the hommage to Carlos/Cameron. The picture of him, Uma talking about what he would have wanted... You know it's not just acting, and that China was really emotional because Cameron was a good friend of hers.

I liked Red's character, how she doesn't want to be like her mom, how she does what she wants, and she doesn't care. She stays herself through the movie and I like that.

I wish I could say that I like Chloe but unfortunately it's too soon. I need to see her growing, and understanding what the young Ella told her. She needs to learn that not everything is easy for everyone in life.

(oh and can someone explain me WHY she'll be the next queen if she has an older brother? As if Chad wouldn't be interested to be the next ruler. And as if his parents wouldn't let him have the throne because of what he did in the Descendants movies. He was still a teenager, he can always grow up. Especially after what Audrey did to him, it change a man)

I realized that it's already a big post, so I will stop here I think. There's so many things I could say, but I think I talked about the main points.

Overall, it was not a bad film per se, but not a good one either. I wished the songs were better and fited the actors' voices better.

(Like, Dara Renee has a great voice, her villain song could have been a big ballad with some big high notes that we know she can sing.

Also, Rita Ora has a great voice, I'm not her fan, but she CAN sing, and her song was meh. Too much talking. At least Brandy got "So this is love" to show her beautiful voice a bit.)

[lordeemailarchive]

how I’ve been, revised

(20/09/2023) (Solar Institute Bulletin No. 22) (From London)

Aftershow quiet in Helsinki

Hey,

I just finished writing you a long letter, catching you up on how I’ve been. It ended neatly, tied with a little bow. I chose my words well, but I didn’t tell the truth. So I’m starting again, gonna type and not look back, and send what comes out.

I’m in London, have been since May. Things feel clear here. I haven’t seen many friends; mostly, I’m alone with my thoughts. I go swimming, I go to work, I walk home or take the train, I eat in my kitchen, I go to bed thinking about what I’m making. I’m starting to miss my friends and family, like a vitamin I’m deficient in. Soon I’ll be going back to New York, and then home.

I’m living with heartbreak again. It’s different but the same. I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember. I’m not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn’t something to hide from, that there’s actually great beauty in moving with it. But sometimes I’m sick of being with myself. I eat chocolate to try and manipulate the endorphins, bring back the sweet happiness of Easter morning. I sit in the time machine and wait for it to move, but it hasn’t been invented yet.

My body is really inflamed, it’s trying to tell me something and I’m trying to support it but nothing seems to help and I get frustrated. My gut isn’t working properly, my skin is worse than ever, I’ve gotten sick half a dozen times. I realised earlier this year that listening to my body is hard for me, it’s something I never really learned how to do. I’ve been trying to teach myself that this year, but it’s been hard actually, pretty confronting, has made me fully aware of all the times I ignored it or didn’t give it what it needed, shamed it for a fight or flight response, took a handful of pills and pushed through. The little yellow pill I took every morning for thousands of mornings since I was 15, I stopped taking it 5 days ago. Gonna see how it goes.

I go online and look at everyone. Beautiful people sing to me. Everyone’s gotten really good at the same thing. I look at arched backs and wet flower mouths, the right bag, the right sunglasses. I wonder if it feels as good as it looks, it’s been so long since I chose the best picture from a hundred, lined it up like pulling an arrow taut in a bow, and let it go. Everyone looks very thin. Just thinking that makes me feel tired and far away. I’m not sure if it’s having an effect on anyone else. I keep spending money, wondering if what’s in the package will make me feel right, but I guess I buy the wrong things. I was gonna go to fashion week in Paris, had all these grand plans, but this week I txted my manager and pulled out. At the start of my career I promised myself I’d never be one of the people in the light smiling if it wasn’t real.

Earlier this year, I ate two handfuls of mushrooms, solid doses that tasted like green dirt. I got a lot of information about what my body had been through in our time so far, what it needed, where God was and where God wasn’t; I felt in my bones how destabilising it is to leave home and start a new life the way I did. I also saw that my body is completely magnificent, and that hating it is as futile as hating a tree; that I truly, truly love doing my job, and that my life is like a beautiful tapestry, and every inch of it is precious and has meaning.

It might seem funny or be easy to forget, but I make records because I need to. The songs are spells; a spell to let go of something, a spell to unlock a door. Every time I put something into words just as I see it, set it to the right music, a knot comes loose in me. But it hurts too, confronting the knots. I’ve made enough records to know that this feeling of my skin coming off is part of it. I know I’m gonna look back on this year with fondness and a bit of awe, knowing it was the year that locked everything into place, the year that transitioned me from my childhood working decade to the one that comes next — one that even through all this, I’m so excited for. It’s just hard when you’re in it.

So in this state, I went out on a short European festival tour. We built a cool new version of the show in a couple days. It was good to change gears and get out of my head. I put effort into the show, changing the setlist and arrangements, it was cool how you picked up on that, and it felt good dancing to the new versions with you, looking out at you, all sweaty with your friends, all on the same drugs. I felt the throb of history that’s under this music now, how each year makes these songs feel more like collectively written and sung pieces. I left my body and merged with yours and it was ecstasy. Then I went home to a business hotel and washed the glitter and smoke out of my hair.

Lauren took some beautiful pictures — sharing a few with you here.

Backstage in Portugal.

Cute Polaroid series of the 6pm, 8pm, and 10pm versions of me on a show day.

I’ve read some great books recently, including Drive Your Plow over the Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk, Speedboat by Renata Adler, Motherhood by Sheila Heti, Rough Translations by Molly Giles (brought into my life by sweet angel bookworm Chris Chang), Birds of America by Lorrie Moore; am waiting on my copies of ĀRIA by Jessica Hinerangi and Te Ana Ata: Menstruation In The Pre-Colonial Maori World by Ngāhuia Murphy. Was given Wawata - Moon Dreaming by Dr. Hinemoa Elder which I’m loving looking to as the Maramataka evolves.

It was Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori last week, I loved listening to this from London. This vid from Hemi showing the similarities between te reo Māori and ʻōlelo Hawaiʻi is so sick.

Been meaning to tell you about The Kindness Institute too, a mental health resource for Māori rangatahi that has recently lost government funding. Go check out the beautiful, necessary mahi they’re doing — I know the cost of living is cooked for Kiwis right now and pop stars asking people to donate sux, but if you work at a good sized company maybe you can wrangle a donation from your employers?! I’m gonna email my record company about it.

Other bits that have inspired lately:

Dieter Rams’ principle of “as little design as possible”. This fantastic interview with Thom Yorke. Maddie’s unbelievably beautiful Melo inspired tattoo.

Loving the beautiful new Troye songs and vids, Kelela’s Raven hitting right on the e-bike rides home, late to the magic of Frou Frou but glad I’m here, and the rest of my brain is M.T. Hadley, this great Te Whanganui-a-Tara based band Womb, and Talk Talk. And for those it concerns, have been pilled by parasocial big cousins Jason and Chris. My mum just sent me a Sylvia Plath poem that feels like it sums up the above, I’ll copy it here:

They thought death was worth it, but I Have a self to recover, a queen. Is she dead, is she sleeping? Where has she been, With her lion-red body, her wings of glass?

Now she is flying More terrible than she ever was, red Scar in the sky, red comet Over the engine that killed her— The mausoleum, the wax house.

Sylvia Plath, "Stings"

Hope you’re taking care of yourself. Don’t worry about me, I still laugh every day, it’s all moving, even when it goes slow. I’ve accepted the mission — I have a self to recover.

Speak soon, E X X X X X

(source: received this email)

[cordeliawhohung]

https://www.tumblr.com/andmuzzlethat/679840966796050432/heres-weirder-asks-who-isare-your-comfort

ok bonding exercises answer every single one of these (or just a few ones ur comfortable with!)

bet.

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

i don't really have one? simon riley and i are basically the same person tho

lighter or matches?

lighter

do you leave the window open at night?

dogs are too loud and so is the moon

which cryptid being do you believe in?

skinwalkers for sure

what color are your eyes?

wouldn't you like to know weather boy

why did you do that?

thought it would look cool (it never does)

hair-ties or scrunchies?

i usually use claw clips. my hair is too thick

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

0

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

i hate coffee

would you slaughter the rich?

certainly

favorite extracurricular activity?

sleeping

what kind of day is it?

the kind that needs to end already

when was the last time you ate?

maybe 6 hours ago

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

yes

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

no

can you drive?

unfortunately

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

extremely nearsighted

what hair products do you use?

shampoo, conditioner, mouse, some refreshing spray that sorta helps the frizz

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

only if you want them done poorly

do you say soda or pop?

soda

something you’ve kept since childhood?

grief

what type of person are you?

exceptionally mediocre

how do you feel about chilly weather?

would take it over the triple digit desert heat any day

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

listening

perfume/body spray or lotion?

body spray

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

getting away

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

maybe 5?

do you wear a mask?

sometimes at work but not usually

how do you like your shower water?

warm

is there dishes in your room?

some water cups ):

what type of music keeps you grounded?

the music i like usually ascends me

do you have a favorite towel?

thin beach towels, i hate things that are too heavy

the last adventure you’ve been on?

just went on a backasswards adventure with my partner trying to get his truck

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

wayfaring stranger

what’s your timezone?

wouldn't you like to know weatherboy

how many times have you changed your url?

have kept the same one since i created it

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

my partner

a soap bar that smells good?

don't usually use soap bars except the dial antibacterial one that smells like old man

do you use lip balm?

usually at work

did you have any snacks today?

my partner brought me a smoothie

how do you take your coffee?

hate coffee

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

my phone says second to tumblr is google chrome lmao

what’s your take on spicy foods?

love spicy foods

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

his name is on the tip of my tongue but i couldn't pull the trigger then and i don't think i could now lmao

can you remember what happened yesterday?

do most people not?

favorite holiday film?

don't really watch movies for the holiday ):

what was the last message you sent?

"religion gets away with too much and also puts their hands on too much" (we're talking about cults okay)

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

my father left his beer laying around when i was a kid and when i was like 5 i snuck a drink because he was always drinking it and it was so gross i didn't touch that shit again until i turned 20 lmao

can you skip rocks?

i can get like 3 skips maybe

can i tag you in random stuff?

sure

[bestgameostcrownduel]

Round 1, Side A: Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers (2019) vs Kingdom Hearts 3 (2019)

FFXIV | Kingdom Hearts

Campaigns under the cut!

Campaign for FFXIV:

oh my god where do I start. Final Fantasy XIV (FFXIV) is an MMORPG that's been going on 2013, or 2010 if you count the trainwreck that the current FFXIV replaced (the 2010 version's music was composed mainly by Uematsu, 2013 onwards is mostly Soken). Thus its OST is FUCKING HUGE and spans a whole lot of genres. If you like any kind of music at all you can probably find at least one track that speaks to you in this game. FFXIV has a category of incredibly difficult fights called Ultimate, comprised of multiple short phases that each have their own music. Because of the nature of how Ultimates are structured, they're the only fights in FFXIV where the music can actually be timed to the mechanics. If you're not afraid of story spoilers, look up any ultimate's BGM and you can see how cool this effect is. (I can't listen to Under the Weight without also hearing the sound of every mechanic and tankbuster.) (My personal favorite ultimate, music-wise, is The Epic of Alexander. Back when I was progging the fight I used to fall asleep listening to the BGM.) To The Edge is so so special to everyone who loves FFXIV. It's the theme of a boss in Shadowbringers; I can't give details without also giving major spoilers, but I will say that the story and this song deal with the themes of death and loss. If you look up the lyrics, which aren't too spoilery without context, you'll get what I mean. What makes this extra emotional is that FFXIV's main composer, Soken, was in the hospital fighting cancer when he composed this song. (To be clear: he kept working because it provided him with a desperately needed sense of normalcy, not because he needed to.) No one on the dev team knew aside from Yoshi P, FFXIV's producer + director as well as Soken's personal friend; the rest of the team found out the same time the fans did, months after the fact when Soken was in full remission, at the 2021 FFXIV Fan Festival (FanFest). To The Edge was already widely beloved prior to this because it's an incredible banger tied to an incredible story moment, but knowing what was going on behind the scenes during its composition, in addition to the story and song's own themes surrounding death, turns it into a piece that no one can listen to without getting wildly emotional about it. At the same FanFest, before Soken announced that he fought cancer and won, he performed this live: https://youtu.be/aBt4zT_PBmw?si=SgzTV9BvINfA0b-U Absolute king shit. With Hearts Aligned is also so so so special to me because it's the song that plays in the 'victory lap' second phase against the final boss that caps off a nine year long story arc. It features a leitmotif from The Maker's Ruin, a song from 2013, that represents the player and is often used when we overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. There are no words that can describe the sheer fucking emotion of fighting the final boss of a nine year long story arc while listening to the leitmotif that represents YOU, a leitmotif that you first heard however many weeks or months or years ago when you first started playing this game. The ultimate triumph, and the ultimate song of hope. Also if you like leitmotifs, FFXIV has /so many leitmotifs/. Have a spreadsheet of them: https://x.com/EENlX/status/1686043012353396736?s=20 Also also, Alex Moukala on youtube does more in-depth analysis of some of the best tracks in FFXIV! Great videos, I highly recommend checking them out.

I would put the entire game's soundtrack if I could but there's a LOT. The album I listed is for the "postgame" of Shadowbringers. Of particular note is the song "To The Edge" which was written while the composer, Masayoshi Soken, was battling with cancer.

Campaign for KH3:

yoko shimomura, the GODDESS, the LEGEND, her composing skills never fail to amaze! kh music is so so goodddddd

I’m not good with propagandizing but the OST for this series is so good. For KH3, I love so much of the soundtrack. The Disney worlds have some great tracks, but the endgame and dlc has almost nothing but bangers.

[nattaphum]

MILE PHAKPHUM BEHIND THE SCENES OF HIS SUCCESS WITH BOF 500 IN AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH ELLE MEN.

KANOKPORN C.

NOVEMBER 3, 2023

UPDATE US ON YOUR LIFE, YOUR WORK AND YOUR INTERESTS.

Mile: Now i’m an actor of Be On Cloud. As for what i’m interested in now, I would like to have more time for music. In the past, fans may have seen me playing some music and making some songs. I stopped doing it 5-6 years ago, so I would like to revive that because music is what i love the most. Music is charming. Music is a friend. When we’re happy, it can stay with us, when we are suffering, it can stay with us. But most importantly, music allows us to capture various moments. This is the coolness of music. Let’s suppose we listen to something. And we may think of someone, think of some moments of life, it's nostalgia. Some people or some moments can be recorded through music so each person has different memories.

TELL US THE ATMOSPHERE AND IMPRESSION OF GOING TO THE BOF AWARD CEREMONY.

Mile: the atmosphere is that everything was fast. And we didn’t stay very long, just 3 hours. At first, I was excited before going but I didn’t create a picture in my head. I like to do this, i like to challenge myself to face whatever is presented in front of me. I didn’t create a picture in my head and that’s a technique to manage the excitement. We went there to enjoy ourselves. That night was a very fun night. Some people may plan to do 1 2 3 4 but that day I didn't think of anything. When I arrived to the event, i just let myself go. It was fun. And then I met people I didn't expect to meet and i liked them very much.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE THE FIRST TWO THAI ACTORS ON THE BOF 500 CLASS OF 2023 LIST?

Mile: I was glad to know I made it into BoF. When we knew the details and found out that it was for both of us, we really felt that our work or the way I and Apo present ourselves was understood. The important thing is that our team 'Be On Cloud' has grown to the world. It feels that we’re growing step by step. To be honest, I appreciate being 1 in 500 of BoF, but i will not be excited nor i will be bragging about this because i know that way ahead, there is still room for improvement. But thanks to everyone.

WHAT DID GETTING TO DO A WORLD TOUR GIVE YOU? AND WHICH TOUR IS THE MOST IMPRESSIVE?

Mile: it gives you that type of experience that money could never buy. It’s experience in the fashion like we said earlier, or the world tour going to play concerts. Going to the World Tour, we were able to see the energy of all the fans. Each person is not the same. Touring allows us to meet groups of fans from many countries. Sometimes we had some technique problems. We were impressed because it made us realize that errors can happen all the time, even if it is a very big stage with a strong team behind.

IF YOU HAVE TO BUY A WATCH,HOW DO YOU CHOOSE IT?

Mile: First of all, it has to be “love at first sight' inside of me. It doesn't matter what type of watch but I have to love it, there must be a certain bond. I choose watches using my feelings. It looks a bit like i’m flirting with the watches (smiles). Secondly, it has to be a rare watch. Rare, the word 'rare' is my weakness. Some watches I liked a lot, that were not rare, I didn’t buy them.

HOW DO YOU MANAGE YOURSELF WHEN EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS MESSY OR SOMETHING IS NOT AS YOU LIKE?

Mile: Seriously, I will treat my emotions by, playing music, exercising, or doing anything that feels comfortable. I’ll do anything that distracts me from the reason why i’m suffering. I’ll change the interest, change the atmosphere, i’ll take myself out of there and for a while, i will have an overlap of ideas. And then i’ll finally deal with the idea that it’s bothering me. I retreat myself of one step to look at the problem in a second moment.

AT WHAT AGE DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF THE MOST? 10, 20 OR NOW THAT YOU’RE STARTING TAPPING THE NUMBER 3?

Mile: I think the number 2 is the period that I have tried everything i wanted to do. The number 2 is a period that i like. But it's a period where i learned a lot. Actually, i didn’t need to be responsible for things or the results that came from my decisions. If anything that you do, does not affect anyone, you can try it all. So you don’t have to be very careful. But i’m not sure… I may answer the number 3 but I just entered the number 3 and i’m gonna be here for a long time.

THINKING OF THE FUTURE, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO INVEST IN, TO MAKE YOUR OWN VALUE?

Mile: First of all is knowledge. But if it is an investment related to myself, I want to invest in real estate. I think the property has the highest potential.

NOW THE SPOTLIGHT SHINES BRIGHTLY ON YOU. HOW DO YOU PREPARE FOR THE DAY THE LIGHT WILL NOT SHINE ON YOU ANYMORE?

Mile: It's good to change the atmosphere (smiles). It’s what I learned when I had a lot of problems. It was in my 20s. At that time, i have experimented a lot. Because there were a lot of problems, both that i created myself and not. It made me learn one thing, which is important. Life is uncertain. Therefore, if we do anything, one day it will change. It’s the nature of this world. We must be born and get extinguished. When we understand this concept, when things get worse, we can manage ourselves.

EXPRESS THE FEELING OF WORKING WITH FRANCK MULLER AND ELLE MEN

Mile: I'm very happy. I like the watches very much. And I feel that shooting for a watch is something that i wanted to do for a long time. As for Franck Muller, I already knew the brand and i was interested. Because their watches have a unique character. The more I see this collection, the more i think it is very outstanding.

WHY DO FANS LOVE YOU SO MUCH?

Mile: I think because I'm not far from being myself. It's impossible for us to be ourselves 100%, no matter what industry we are in. But we should be honest with what we feel as much as possible. Both behind the screen and on the screen. And I think I am a person who understands people and that includes understanding myself.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY TO THE FANS BEFORE LEAVING?

Mile: I want to thank them again. Because I'm not sure if every time i say thank you, everyone receives that message. Because fans are not just in Thailand, not just in Asia. There is South America. There is a lot of Central Asia, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan. Because the popularity of Asia has expanded a lot. Therefore, what i mean is fans around the world. So I want to thank anyone who came to read this. Fans treated us well from the first day until today. 99% cute as before. Thank you to everyone. They’re part of our happiness. We are happy and happy to be part of their happiness.

[roshellow29]

Idk why but I feel the need to rant about trolls band together so here's a warning for SPOILERS.

TL;DR I'll be talking shit about major conflict parts in the movie that I wished were handled differently >:((((

Please take caution (and a deep breath) reading this because I'm very bad at making sense when I ramble ok? Ok les go

OK SO.

The movie was great, loved the songs and I enjoyed branches family shenanigans, including supportive girlfriend poppy I've been WAITING FOR THIS (ifykyk)

But here are some things that bothered me that they could've definitely done differently

1. JOHN DORYS ENTIRE CHARACTER ARC- jd is great. He's actually my favorite! He's a cringefail boyfailiure and I love him for it. In the movie, his whole thing was that he was basically an ass who didn't listen to his siblings and always pressured and bossed them around. Cool, that's established. What's not is, Why??? It's really the whole "perfect family harmony" thing I guess.

Because later in the conflict he says that it was "hard being responsible for four younger siblings" (which bitch me too were litteraly the same) and that all they needed to be was perfect. what I don't understand is why? Why the whole perfect harmony? Where did it come from? They didn't say it was a big thing or that other bands did it? Would it get them more fame? Would it mean that they're perceived as the perfect brothers or something?? Also, why wasn't the grandmother more involved with the kids?? Did she pressure him to care for his siblings because their parents weren't involved or something? That's just one thing that's not really explained to me ig 🤔

And the whole thing that bothers me with jd is that he doesn't do the cliché "branch I'm sorry I was an asshole brother, and I wanna be a better troll to you and our bros. And blah blah blah" like they skip that entire potential jd apology??? I was expecting that with a hug?? I WANTED A HUG WITH BRANCH AND JD OK. He genuinely cares about him!!! You can see it, he really does. He's just bad at communicating. Like extremely - so they skipped that and just made him go, "We'll follow ur lead branch," and that's it.😐 no apology. No proper character development. Just him going "ok yeah I'll follow u one time." LIKE HUH. (This also includes the other siblings cuz they dipped on branch the same, and none of them said sorry!!)

OH and another thing. WHY WERE CLAY AND BRUCE SUCH ASSHOLES TO JD. ESPECIALLY CLAY. like I completely get it, he was an asshole, he pressured and bossed you around, we know that. But that was 20 PLUS YEARS AGO??? Like no you don't have to hug him but damn why r yall so cold???

I'm thinking that because I'm p sure they went no contact at all after they broke up. So how r they so sure he's still the way he was before?? (I mean they were kinda right but still) like you could've been super happy and then get disappointed later when trying to practice hitting the note. It would've made more sense to me idk. Like it just bothers me that they straight up ignore him- it's mean! (But I can't be too mad I mean they all have their reasons ig 🙄)

While we're on the topic of the family, on to my next point.

2. ROSIEPUFF AND HER DEATH. I think it was handled HORRIBLY. Like the whole movie I was just like "plz don't skip over it plz don't skip over it." And then branch drops the bomb on them right (which still caught me off guard like damn) and THEYRE DUMBFOUNDED, GREAT. And then after that there's NOTHING. NOTHING!?!??!?!?!? they don't mention it they don't apologize to branch for what he went through they don't take two seconds to mourn her they're just like "wait she dead?" And then fucking move on like. Why???? they don't question how, they don't question when branch was living in solidarity for 20 years, nothing. and I'm mad as fuck because that was part of Branches entire CHARACTER ARC in the first movie!! They don't mention he was gray they don't mention he didn't sing they don't mention anything. He went through that for 20 YEARS, ALONE. and they don't mention it. I rlly hated that- like they rlly didn't care.

Anyway.

Third smaller topic that I thought was gonna happen

3. I thought clay was gonna end up going, "actually yknow what, I AM fun" and then embrace himself because hes most definitely goofy. But nah they left him trying so hard to convince himself he's serious, and tbh he just came across as branch 2.0.

Alright moving on!!

4. I'm mad they didn't include a little flashback of viva and poppy being inseparable until the escape happened. Like I know popps was an infant but at the same time troll kids talk the day they're born, so it would've been nice to see them be together at least once before they separated.

Also.

I WANNA DECK PEPPY IN THE FACE. you lost your daughter and instead of MOURNING her and spreading her memory you decided to act like she didn't EXIST. WHY. like he was obviously depressed and sad but why didn't you tell poppy stories of her when she was a kid or something? And keep her memory alive??

(And sure. There's the thing with "They weren't gonna give poppy a sister until now" but I feel like they could've at least made poppy remember a small flashback is what I'm saying.)

Idk. I just wish it was handled differently like why is peppy keeping so much shit to himself lmao.

Oh yeah and then there's just my little nitpick and it's that I wish they included the troll leaders in the wedding sequence ok they're all friends they should've been invited ok I just wanted to see them again 😭(totally not saying thus cuz world tour is my fav but I am)

Anyway, yeah! I think this is just what mainly bothers me about the movie. I just feel like the conflict was handled poorly. But either than that it's still a good watch. I like it a lot :D

If you read this far, God damn you like to read, and thanks for dealing with my stupid thoughts!

If not, that's OK lol.

[obaex]

you, the ocean, and me (pt. 1) - jj maybank

summary: jj is determined to put a smile on your face during your two-week trip to the obx, but what happens when fun turns into something more?

word count: 13.7K

warnings: cheating + terrible parents

a/n: this is set a few years in the future, assuming everyone is in their 20s. it's a slow burn, so it gets off to a slow start, but picks up quickly, i promise! i linked a couple of songs in here that are mentioned, only listen if you want to cry your eyes out with me.

You gazed wearily out the window as the pilot announced that the plane had begun its descent into the Outer Banks. Despite your warring emotions, you had to admit that the bum little beach town looked beautiful from above, the sky casting the shoreline in an orange glow.

Your mom squeezed your hand from the seat beside you, "This is going to be just what you need, sweetie" she said, "I promise."

You highly doubted that.

You had reluctantly agreed to spend two weeks with her here. A last-ditch effort to stop your life from rolling right off its tracks, in her eyes at least. You didn't know how a sleepy beach town on the coast of North Carolina was supposed to make you forget the three-carat diamond that weighed heavily on your ring finger, the text messages you had found on your fiancé's phone nor the fact that your family insisted you move forward with the marriage anyway. No, you were pretty damn sure there weren't enough Mai Tais in the world to make you forget all of that. As the plane dropped further in the sky your heart dropped into your stomach and a wave of nausea passed over you. When did everything become so fucked up?

You had met Carson Peters when you were fourteen. He was the quarterback, you were the captain of the cheerleading team. It was so damn cliché. Looking back at it now, it felt like your whole life was completely predetermined for you. Of course you would date him. Of course you would attend every homecoming, semi-formal and prom with him. Of course you would lose your virginity to him the night before you both left for college, making promises you had intended to keep. Of course he would study business, rapidly making inroads with your father's company. Now, it was only a matter of time until your father retired and passed ownership over to him. So, of course, when Carson Peters asked you to marry him you had said yes. He was all you had ever known, so ingrained in every aspect of your life and your family that the proposal felt like an inevitability you couldn't run from. Every decision was already made for you: You would get married in the same church as your parents, you would have 2-3 children that played soccer or did ballet, you would have a golden retriever, you would spend Friday nights at the country club, Saturdays playing tennis and Sundays volunteering at church. It wasn't a bad life. It was a damned privileged one, one you should feel grateful for. But you didn't. Because it didn't feel like yours. Looking back, you couldn't remember making one choice for yourself. You didn't really have a say in any of this. You were simply the perfect daughter, the glowing bride, a pawn in everyone else's game.

All of that came to a screeching halt two weeks ago.

It was a Friday night. Carson was in the shower and you were touching up your makeup, getting ready for your usual appearance at the country club when his phone chimed on its charger next to the bed. You glanced at it quickly, the noise catching your attention and you saw an incoming text from your best friend Lauren. You were going to meet her and her husband Nick at the club, so thinking she was texting about the plans for the evening, you opened the text. You and Carson didn't have any secrets between you, why would you? You had known each other for almost ten years. You typed in his passcode (your birthday + his old jersey number).

Lauren: Can't wait to see you tonight 😉

Hm. You felt like that was a little out of place, but maybe she was just trying to be nice? Looking back, you can't believe how naïve you were. You realized they had an existing text exchange so you began to scroll up and up and up and finally came across mutually exchanged pictures that caused you to drop the phone, your heart hammering in your chest, mind racing a mile a minute. You were desperately trying to concoct a plausible explanation for what you had just seen, to apply some logic to the situation, to come up with an excuse, any excuse. There wasn't one.

You could hear the shower stop running and you realized you had a decision to make. Do you confront him? Do you act like you didn't see it? There was no way you could sit through dinner tonight knowing what you knew now. You picked up the phone, set Lauren's most recent text to 'unread' and placed the phone back on the charger before telling Carson you weren't feeling well and wouldn't be up for dinner after all. He was visibly annoyed, whether because of the last-minute change of plans or the fact that he wouldn't get to see Lauren, you weren't sure. You undressed and crawled into bed as he went downstairs to watch TV. You cried yourself softly to sleep, sick to your stomach over what you were going to do.

The next morning Carson was thankfully up and out of the house early for a tee time with your father. He left with a quick kiss on your cheek as you lay in bed, grateful that he wouldn't see your splotchy face and bloodshot eyes. You didn't have the energy for a confrontation. You got up and got dressed. Normally this is something you would call Lauren to talk about. Since that was squarely out of the question, you called your mom, asking if you could come over to talk. You always had a good relationship with her despite the fact that she encouraged you (pushed you?) to look a certain way, act a certain way and dress a certain way to maintain the family image and ensure you were set up for a life just like hers.

You didn't take two steps inside her door before she knew something was wrong and you crumbled in her arms, sobs wracking your body as she held you close and rubbed your back. After you were settled at the kitchen counter with a warm cup of tea, you told her everything. Everything everything. She listened patiently and quietly, your hand in hers. Her eyes widened upon hearing the gory details, but she waited to speak until you were through. You could tell she was taking her time to collect her thoughts, to make sure she was saying the right thing, a skill she had taught you well.

"Honey, this doesn't change anything" she said simply. "People make mistakes. Some men have a wandering eye, but you're the one with the ring on your finger! Best not to ruffle any feathers before the wedding. you have a bright future ahead of you, and so does Carson - you two are meant to be! Plus, you know how important this is to your father and to me. You are our only child, we want you to be set for life and with Carson taking over the company, your future will be absolutely secure."

"What part of my fiancé fucking my best friend has me set up for life with a secure future!?" you said harshly, your voice rising.

"Watch your language!" she chided, like you were a child again. "You are getting worked up and blowing this completely out of proportion."

"Oh my god, have you lost your mind? Can you really not see how toxic this is? Can you not see how this impacts me? How this makes me feel?" you said, nearly shouting now.

"Sweetheart, this isn't just about you--"

"THIS IS ABOUT ME! THIS IS MY LIFE!" you shouted finally, rising to your feet. "Forget it. I'm not doing this with you. You can tell dad I'm sorry I ruined your perfect plans, but I'm done. I can't do this, I'm breaking it off."

"Honey, stop! Please. Listen to me. You're not thinking straight. You're emotional, you're upset. I understand that. You need some time to think before you make any rash decisions. Let's get away, just you and me. A couple of weeks, that's all I'm asking, and if you still feel the same way when we get back, then I'll support you."

"Fine" you agreed, knowing there wasn't a damn thing that could change your mind.

The ride from the Kildare airport to your rental property wound through a small but charming town with a surf shop, some small stores and a few restaurants before you crossed onto the wealthier side of the island, coastal mansions lining the shore with expensive cars parked outside. As much as you were harboring resentment at your mother for dragging you here, you had to admit it was beautiful. In any other circumstance you probably would have enjoyed it, eagerly looking forward to two weeks of uninterrupted relaxation, sun and top-shelf liquor. Now, all you wanted to do was drown yourself in tequila and tears.

Your rental home was obscenely large for just the two of you, but your family didn't do anything in half measures so you weren't surprised. Nor were you surprised when your mother announced that you had reservations in an hour at the local country club. You didn't even question it, simply going through the motions of showering, doing your hair and adorning a floor-length dress and heels. Beautiful on the outside, screaming on the inside.

The Island Club was a copy-paste of any number of similar clubs you had been to over the years, replete with overindulgent pompous assholes sporting golf attire and Lily Pulitzer. You supposed you were being hypocritical knowing you were one of those assholes back home, but you let yourself be bitter surrounded by so many people you didn't know. You managed to make it all the way through dinner before your mom excused herself to mix and mingle and "make connections" for the duration of your stay. You couldn't think of anything you wanted to do less, so you grabbed your glass of wine and headed outside to a quiet part of the back patio, leaning out over the balcony to take in the thick, salty ocean air.

It was near the end of his shift and he was itching to get out of there, fidgeting and tugging at the collar of his shirt when he saw you. He had been making his way down a narrow hallway near the patio doors, arms laden with a tub of dishes. You were leaning against the balcony, staring out at the ocean. He could only see your side profile, but he could trace your long lashes and thick lips and the way your hair danced in the summer breeze. You were dressed to the nines in a stunning open-back dress that showed off your sunkissed skin. But it was the look on your face that pulled him in, eyes narrowed, face scrunched like you were trying to solve all the world's problems. Even with a scowl, he thought you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He realized after a few moments that he wasn't breathing, quickly clearing his throat and looking around to make sure no one had seen him gawking at you like that. He placed the bin of dishes unceremoniously on the floor and wiped his hands on his pants. 'Come on' he thought, trying to pump himself up. 'Stupid things have good outcomes all the time' as he pushed the patio doors open.

You were able to enjoy a few moments of solitude before you heard the woosh of the patio doors open and close behind you and another person came into your peripheral vision. They leaned against the balcony, a respectable distance away. You didn't turn your head, you didn't acknowledge them, you didn't feel like talking to anyone. You bit your lower lip, holding back several snarky remarks, trying to come up with the most socially acceptable way to say "fuck off". You closed your eyes, mustering your energy as you turned - and every word died on your lips.

He was definitely not what you had expected. In fact, he was gorgeous, painfully so, boyishly handsome with tousled blonde hair, nearly white at the tips from the sun, that complimented his tan skin. A laidback smile rested on his lips and his blue eyes twinkled with mischievousness and fun. He was looking at you with a mix of intrigue and something else you couldn't quite put a finger on but that made your heart beat a little faster and brought a blush to your cheeks. He laughed softly, breaking your trance as he said "Drinking wine alone in the dark isn't a great way to meet people."

"Kinda what I was going for" you admitted.

"Oof" he said, covering his heart with his hands like you had delivered a physical blow to him. "Sorry to intrude, it just looked like you could use some company..." he trailed off, hoping for a response, and continuing anyway when he didn't get one. "So, you're here with your mom visiting for a couple of weeks?"

"How'd you know that?" you asked, the surprise evident on your face.

"It's a small club, word travels fast," he said, glancing back inside "And your mom plus a couple of martinis has gotten just about everyone up to speed."

You groaned, leaning back over the balcony, rubbing your temple. "I'm on sabbatical from my trainwreck of a life back home."

"That good, huh?" he replied lightly.

"You have no idea" you sighed.

He laughed, a hint of bitterness evident in his voice, "I could teach a masterclass on fucked up lives, trust me."

And for some reason, you did. It was like your own pain was a radar, able to pick up on other people's agony and despite his pretty face, you could tell this boy had been through his own.

"JJ" he said finally, extending his hand. You took it hesitantly.

"Y/N" you said in reply.

"Y/N" he said, smiling deeply, letting the sound of it linger and melt on his tongue like the first taste of ice cream on a hot day. "Do you want to get out of here?" he said suddenly.

That stopped you in your tracks. You hadn't been propositioned like that in, well, almost ten years. Everyone at home knew who you were and whose you were and that any attempt at something like that was going to be fruitless.

You held up your left hand in response, letting the ring on your finger speak for itself, a sarcastic look on your face telling JJ this was the end of the line.

He felt his heart skip a beat at that, his mind racing with questions and thoughts. Of course she's engaged. Obviously. But why would someone who's about to get married look so miserable? Where is this guy anyway? I wouldn't let her out of my sight. What do I do. What do I do. What do I do.

"Whoa" he said, not missing a beat despite the cacophony in his head. "I'm not asking you to move in with me, princess. You look miserable and I know a place that's a hell of a lot more fun that this."

The thought of running off with this boy sparked something deep inside you, like someone trying to flick on a lighter- flick flick flick - before your rational mind took over.

"My fiancé--" you started.

JJ looked around mockingly to the left and the right, gesturing to the empty patio "Isn't here" he said simply.

"My mom--" you tried.

"Is enjoying her third martini" he replied, "You can text her and tell her you'll be home by midnight."

"But--" you tried a third time.

"Look, I didn't ask you what your fiancé or your mom or your best friend or anyone else wants you to do. I'm asking what you want to do" he said, extending his hand, "Come with me?" he asked, much more confidently than he felt.

It was the first time in as long as you can remember that you had the freedom and the opportunity to make a decision by yourself for yourself. You reveled in it, letting go of every obligation you had to say no.

You placed your hand in his, meeting his strong gaze, "Let's go."

He led you by the hand down a small set of stairs to a walkway that led directly to the parking lot. You were overwhelmingly grateful for his discretion, both of you knowing better than to parade this situation in front of the onlookers inside. You let go of his hand to type out a quick text to your mom and continued to follow him, so engrossed in trying to word your message that you nearly walked into him as he yanked off his bowtie and vest and loosened several buttons on his shirt. You hit send just as he was handing you something. You registered the helmet in your hands, then the bike in front of you.

"No way" you scoffed "Absolutely not."

"Come on" he said, waving you over, ignoring your comments. You took a hesitant step forward and before you knew what was happening, he was kneeling in front of you, grabbing the hem of your dress and rolling it delicately up your leg, revealing your three-inch heels, your calves, his fingers barely touching you, the featherlight passes sending goosebumps up your legs. As his hands nearly reached your knees, you managed to find your words, "H-Hey what are y-you doing?" you asked, your mind completely disconnected from your mouth at the sensation of his fingers on you. He bunched the dress to one side and tied it in a tight knot.

"Can't have it getting tangled in the wheel" he said cheekily as he straightened up, taking the helmet out of your hands and stepping towards you, both of you nearly chest to chest. He smiled devilishly at the blush on your cheeks before sliding the helmet over your head and reaching to gently snap the straps in place.

He pulled his own helmet on and straddled the bike effortlessly, scootching forward to give you room behind him. You settled in, the sloped curve of the seat sliding you right into him, your thighs resting against his hips, your front flush to his back. You looked around for something anything to hold onto as he revved the engine.

"Please hang on to me" he turned to say, picking up on your defiance of the situation. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable, but I also don't want you to die, so it's really the lesser of two evils at this point."

Resigned, you pressed into him, wrapping your hands around his strong core.

"Good?" he asked.

"I think so" you replied hesitantly.

And you were off.

The bike skidded slightly in the gravel, picking up speed as he shot down the driveway at the club.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. You thought to yourself, realizing too late how enormously stupid it was to get on a dirt bike in a dress and three-inch heels with a complete stranger. It sounded like the start to a 48-hour mystery.

And yet.

As JJ navigated the narrow streets confidently, crossing the bridge to the beach, you loosened your death grip just enough to look around and take in the twinkling lights of the homes in the distance, the blink of the lighthouse, the sound of the crashing waves and the warm wind whipping your hair back under the helmet. You closed your eyes, took a deep breath of the salty air and realized you felt surprisingly okay. For the first time since you read those texts the simmering rage and frustration that had been building up inside of you felt more like a warm pot of soup simmering on the stove than a kettle hissing with boiling water. It was contained, manageable.

JJ pulled over amongst a line of other cars and bikes at the beach. As he cut off the engine you could hear the distinct sound of a party, chattering voices, bumping music and you could make out the flickering light of several bonfires as you slid off the bike and pulled your helmet off, frantically trying to untangle your wind-whipped hair. JJ took in your mussed hair, wrinkled dress and rosy cheeks, pink from the adrenaline of the ride and smiled. "You're not going to need those here" he said, pointing to your heels. You slid them off, letting your toes rest in the cool sand as he led the way.

He navigated expertly around the crowd, dodging drunk people, waving to others as they called out to him. He was clearly well-loved and even your brief interaction told you why, his easygoing, laid-back, friendly nature and quick smile were welcoming and inviting, magnetic. It made your fears and anxieties slip away, like as long as you were in his orbit, nothing could go wrong, everything was always good times and sunshine and nothing else mattered. Despite the distractions, wherever he walked, he continued to look back at you to make sure you were still behind him, smiling at you as he waved you forward. You finally found your way to a small bonfire surrounded by a few people that eagerly cheered upon seeing him and tossed him a beer.

He quickly introduced you to his friends and you tried your best to remember their names and nicknames, Kie? Pope? John B (the middle initial seemed very important), Sarah and Cleo. They welcomed you with open arms, literally hugging you, the girls tugging on your dress, overwhelming you with compliments. You weren't sure if it was the booze or if they were always this nice, but you felt immediately at ease. You could tell they were a tight-knit group the way they interacted with each other, a familial casualty in the way they leaned on one another around the bonfire, finished each other's sentences and traded inside jokes. And for the first time in a long time, you just let yourself be. You didn't care that your hair was a tangled mess, that your dress was wrinkled and now covered in sand or that you were drinking Corona. You let the beer and the conversation flow, soaking in the genuine presence of the people around you.

JJ settled on the opposite side of the fire, content to watch you through the flames that lit your face in an orange glow. You already looked like a completely different version of yourself than he had seen on the balcony, like a physical weight had been lifted from your shoulders as you laughed unabashedly. His heart swelled with the thought that he was the reason for the smile on your face. He couldn't tear his gaze away as he looked at you, fidgeting with the label on his beer, barely bringing it to his lips which sat in a permanent smile.

John B looked from his best friend to the new girl and back again. He knew that look on JJ’s face, though he’d never seen it directed at a girl before. It was the same look he’d had the last time they surfed the surge: determination, admiration, desire. It was undeniable. As was the giant ring on her finger. That look and that ring were at odds with one another and he knew he needed to quash this, now.

He nudged JJ and tilted his head away from the group. JJ sighed, hanging his head. He knew this was coming. He stood up, smiling at you quickly before walking away. When he caught up with John B out of earshot, they didn’t dance around the topic at hand.

“What are you doing, man?” John B asked.

“Chillin’, drinkin’ some beers with my friends” JJ replied smartly, taking a long sip of his beer to avoid eye contact.

“You know what I mean, JJ, what are you doing with Y/N?” John B insisted, tone serious.

“I’m just trying to show her a good time” JJ said nonchalantly, shrugging.

“Don’t bullshit me, man” John B said, the frustration in his voice evident, “I see the way you’re looking at her and I also see that rock on her hand. It’s a no-go amigo. Not cool.”

The smirk on JJ’s face disappeared as he grew uncharacteristically serious. He dropped his eyes to the sand, kicking it around with his feet, trying to find a way to put into words what he knew to be true in his heart. She’s not happy. I can make her happy. I know I can make her happy.

“You didn’t see her earlier” he started, eyes downcast, feet continuing to kick the sand around. “She’s miserable, she’s caught up in typical kook bullshit, like she’s never had a day of fun in her life… the look on her face…” he stopped himself, heart clenching at the thought. “I know this is crazy, man, but I don’t think she wants to marry this guy.”

“She said that?” John B said, surprised.

“…Not exactly” JJ replied.

John B huffed, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “So, what? You’re psychic now? C'mon man” he said, urging his friend to see reason.

JJ cast his eyes down again.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt” John B continued. “This isn’t going to end like you think this is going to end. She’s going to have her two weeks of fun and then she’s going to go right back to her kook life and you’ll be left to pick up the pieces.”

JJ shook his head. John B’s words warring with the images in his head that played like a movie, the sorrow on your face as you looked out at the ocean, the way your eyes sparkled in the twinkling lights on the balcony, the blush of your cheeks as he pulled your helmet on, the tug of your arms around his chest and the feeling of you pressed tightly to him. You were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. You knew he was just a bus boy and you agreed to leave with him, you slipped your hand into his, you got on his bike, you’d met his friends. No. There was something there. And he was going to chase it, even if it destroyed him in the process. He clenched his jaw and looked up at John B, determination in his eyes. “I’m doing this. You’re either with me or you’re not, but I’m doing this” he said resolutely.

John B’s heart sank as he sighed deeply. JJ was nothing if not stubborn. It made him loyal at the best of times and rockheaded at the worst of times. It was both his best and his worst quality. “I’m always with you, man” he said, regret already evident in his voice.

JJ’s signature smirk returned to his lips as he tipped his beer forward for a cheers. “To terrible ideas?”

“To terrible ideas.”

The next morning, you rested a cool bottle of water against your forehead as you leaned back in your poolside recliner at the club, hoping to ease the pang of your pounding headache and hangover. Your mom was polite enough not to comment, happy to be in her element after a morning of tennis and a tee time booked later this afternoon as she lay beside you chattering away. You nodded along, inserting comments when necessary as you closed your eyes and let yourself drift back to the night before. It had been so different from your life back home, but so right at the same time. You thought about JJ, his smirk, the goofy stories he told and you found yourself smiling. A pang of guilt resonated deep in your chest. You pushed it down, telling yourself that JJ could be a good friend, nothing more.

"Your drink, m'am" the poolside attendant said, setting down a Corona and pulling you out of your reverie. This caught your mother's attention.

"A beer? Really, Y/N, have some decorum, it's 10:30 in the morning" she said with disdain.

"Thank you" you said kindly to the attendant, trying to defuse the situation, "But I didn't order this." He looked around uncomfortably as he smiled, "It's on the house" he said, before waving politely and making a quick exit.

Your mother tsked and turned her attention back to her magazine when you noticed a slip of paper under the beer.

Marina, 1:00 - JJ

Your heart skipped a beat and a smile crept across your face as you happily took a deep sip of your beer, leaning back in your chair, eyes closed in the sun.

You got to the marina on time. Not really sure what outfit the occasion called for, you settled for your bikini, a flowy top and pair of shorts. You ambled along the aisles of boats, trying nonchalantly to look for the familiar mess of blonde hair as your pulse quickened.

"Y/N!" you heard finally, and turned to see JJ and his friends pulling up in a small boat, waving you toward them. You broke into a big smile as you quickly caught up to them and JJ extended a hand to help you inside. There weren't many places to sit, and JJ beckoned you next to him on a large cooler, barely wide enough for the two of you, your bodies pressed next to each other and backs pressed to the side of the boat as John B hit the throttle and the boat took off. He tore through the channel and marsh grass passed by you on either side in streaks of bright greens and yellows as the hot sun licked your skin. The boat jostled as it made its way into choppier ocean water and as it smacked into a wave, JJ's arm rested protectively behind you, not quite touching you, but near enough that you felt pulled into his presence. You smiled shyly to yourself and avoided eye contact with him.

You ended up anchoring just off a sandbar and as soon as the boat was situated, Pope, Kie and Cleo stripped to their bathing suits and eagerly jumped into the water. Much to your surprise, John B and Sarah were right behind them.

"You coming, princess?" JJ said, standing up and tugging his shirt over his head. You swallowed as you took in his athletic body, muscular arms and chiseled chest. Quickly averting your gaze, you peered into the dark, choppy water, well aware of what could be found in those depths: sharks, jellyfish, stingrays the list went on and on. You opened your mouth to protest but when you turned around JJ was doing a backflip off the other side of the boat. You stood up and walked to the other side as he surfaced, shaking the wet hair out of his eyes with a practiced shake of his head. The others were nearby, swimming and splashing and goofing around but JJ was waiting for you, squinting up at you.

"Come on!" he said encouragingly.

"I don't know" you said hesitantly, eyeing the rough water, fear evident in your voice.

"I won't let anything bad happen to you. I promise. It's totally safe" he said, extending a hand.

It wasn't like you had a choice. Get over yourself. You thought, trying to muster up your courage as you unbuttoned your shorts and pulled your shirt over your head.

JJ could just see you over the top of the boat from his vantage point in the water and as you pulled your shirt over your head revealing your bikini-clad body a rush of water flowed into his open mouth and he choked on the salt water, coughing loudly. Geeezus he thought.

"You ok?" you asked, leaning over the boat, your hair tumbling over your shoulders, the angle providing him with another vantage point of your cleavage as you watched him cough loudly.

He mustered a thumbs up before wiping a hand over his face. You were going to be the death of him.

"Come on, princess, before I drown" he shouted teasingly.

You stepped up to the side of the boat, toes nearing the edge. Your heart was pounding with the adrenaline in your veins, fear causing your limbs to shake. You looked down and saw JJ's smile, his hand extended and your heartrate slowed. He was right, if he was there, it was going to be okay. So, you jumped.

The cool water shivered over you, causing your limbs to tingle as you surfaced. You wiped the salt water from your eyes and landed on JJ's gaze, basking in it as he smiled widely at you "Atta girl!" he said proudly, before waving you over to his friends.

A day spent swimming and drinking in the sun had you nearly wiped out on the boat ride home. You laid with JJ alone on the bow, you on your back and he on his stomach, turned to face you, about an arm's length away. Your conversation flowed effortlessly. He asked you about your favorite music, favorite movies, arguing with you good naturedly any time he disagreed with your answer, though you found you actually had a lot in common with each other. You both loved the outdoors, the beach, dogs, Bob Marley and tequila. They were little things, but even little bonds formed fast friendships.

"Favorite ice cream?" he asked.

"Cookie dough, hands down" you said without pausing.

"Mmm yes" he agreed, his voice sleepy and his eyes closed. "I could crush some of that right now." A pause. "What about favorite flowers?"

You turned your head to look at him curiously. That seemed like a sneaky question. His lips curled into a smile but he didn't open his eyes and didn't say anything further.

You smiled, closing your own eyes again as you faced the sun. "Peonies" you said simply.

He laughed. "I literally have no idea what those are."

You laughed back, "They're fluffy, the look like clouds. They come in a few different colors but light pink is my favorite. They're really pretty."

"I'll take your word for it" he said.

"Do I get to ask a question now?" you asked.

"Shoot"

"Okay, favorite way to spend the day?"

"Surfing" he said without pause.

"You surf?" you asked enthusiastically before thinking further. "Well, I guess I should have figured..."

"Hmm?" He said, confused, popping an eye open to meet your gaze as you looked at him.

You gestured up and down his body. "It fits. You know, the whole blonde surfer boy thing?"

He smirked. This was too easy. "You got a thing for blonde surfer boys?"

You laughed dismissively, turning your head away, fighting simultaneous feelings of butterflies in your stomach and the guilt lurking somewhere deeper. "Nice try, JJ. No, I just think it's cool. I always wanted to learn how to surf, but my parents were more interested in me taking up golf and ballet."

A brief pause.

"I could teach you?" he offered, hoping that the excitement and eagerness in his voice weren't too obvious.

You looked back at him. "Yeah?" you said, trying to gauge if he was serious.

"Hell yeah" he said, eyes closing again as he grinned from ear to ear.

You agreed to meet JJ at the beach the next morning for your first lesson, slipping out of your house before your mom was awake. The sand tickled your toes as you made your way to the water, the whole landscape awash with the pink and peach hues of the morning sun, the surrounding quiet but for the crash of the waves and the occasional call of the seagulls and pelicans overhead, not yet tainted by people, like you were in a beach-themed snow globe.

You saw him seated in the sand, boards propped up behind him, waiting for you as he looked out on the ocean. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore the physical reaction your body had to being in his presence. Your pulse quickened with excitement, you felt light on your feet, like you could float right over to him, you were craving his smile, the sound of his laughter, his signature smirk and the way his eyes twinkled when they looked at you. You were chasing that high, that relief of being with him so hard that you didn't want to acknowledge that at the same time you were running from reality. Just let me be here in this moment you thought. Just let me enjoy this you told your guilty conscience. You twirled the ring on your finger. Didn't you deserve a break? Wasn't that the reason you were here?

You quashed your warring emotions as you plopped into the sand beside him, turning to smile at him, greeted with the smile you had been missing that seemed to wash all your fear and anxiety away.

You were eager to learn the basics, more eager to impress your instructor. He was patient and extremely knowledgeable as he walked you through each step. Learning to maintain your balance was hard. Focusing on his words, while he occasionally placed his hands on your hips or on your arms to guide you was even harder. He was always respectful, but he'd have to be an idiot not to realize the way you responded to his warm, calloused fingers, the way your body shifted towards him, magnetized.

You ended the morning seated on your boards, bobbing in the ocean together, watching the sun crest fully over the horizon.

"Thank you" you said quietly, not wanting to disturb the peaceful moment as you smiled at him.

"'Course" he said, smirking, "You're not bad, princess."

You blushed at his compliment and the now familiar nickname that neither of your acknowledged, but that you couldn't get enough of. "Do you think we could do this again tomorrow?" you asked.

I would do literally anything to spend more time with you. The fact that you're asking me to surf proves to me that you're the girl of my dreams he thought, biting his tongue.

"Absolutely" he said.

So, you woke up for surf lessons with JJ the next morning, and the next morning and the next morning, falling into a routine that became so automatic neither of you had to ask anymore. You jumped out of bed despite the early mornings, eager to start your days in the warm water with JJ and today was no different. You had graduated to trying to stand on your board in the water and were doing a decent job, teetering slightly as he coached you from the water, leaning one arm on his board until an unexpected wave knocked you off and you surfaced next to him, wiping the salt water from your eyes, balancing one arm on your board as you laughed. You realized suddenly how close you were to him and your breath caught at the way he was looking at you. You were close enough to see his blue eyes tracing your face with the same look from the night you first met, intrigue and something else much much deeper, somewhere between pain and longing that had your heart thundering in your chest. You were nearly chest-to-chest now, as you let the waves carry you closer to each other. Your fingers itched to push his damp hair off his forehead. Neither of you spoke, just taking each other in at this close distance, bobbing in the waves, closer than you'd let yourself get on purpose. He opened his mouth to say something when you felt something slither against your foot.

She was on top of him before he knew what the fuck was going on. Screeching and lunging into his grasp about something that touched her foot, her arms thrown around his shoulders, his one arm naturally coming to catch her, to wrap around her and hold her against him as his other rested on his board to keep them afloat. He would have laughed at her reaction if he could remember how to breath. All he could feel was the sensation of her wet, bare body pressed against his, her warm breath on his neck. He could smell her shampoo, could feel her heart beating next to his. It was like his body took over on instinct, pulling her into him, like it was the most natural thing in the world, gently tugging them away.

"Hey, you're alright, it's alright, probably just a fish or some seaweed or something."

He guided you back to shallower waters, immediately regretting it when your feet brushed the sand and you unwound from him, suddenly embarrassed and aware of what you had done.

"Sorry, I don't know why I did that, that just totally freaked me out" you said.

"No worries" he said, casting one last look at you before grabbing your boards and stepping out of the water.

"Want to grab a coffee? My treat?" you asked, scrambling for some way to make up for what just happened.

"Sure" he said, walking with you to a small coffee shop a few blocks from the beach.

"Hot caramel latte with coconut milk, please" you ordered before turning to him. "Uh, iced black coffee's fine for me" he said, nodding at the barista as you paid.

"Why are you drinking hot coffee when it's nearly 90 degrees outside?" he asked, scrunching up his face like he was going to puke, trying to lighten the heaviness of the morning that sat on you like a damp beach towel and feeling much better when he succeeded in making you laugh.

"I don't like when iced coffee melts and it gets all watered down" you shrugged "I've always been that way." You smiled at him before you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. You pulled it out to read the caller ID: Carson Peters. Your heart sank so fast in your stomach it was like you had the wind knocked out of you. JJ was watching you closely and could see the way your shoulders slumped, your brow furrowed and your lips turned down. It was like watching a flower wilt, something so beautiful that stood so tall and radiant, deflating, coming apart. His heart hurt to watch it and he wanted to sucker punch whoever was on the other side of that phone.

You looked up at him with doe eyes, "Sorry, I have to take this" you said, and without waiting for a response you stepped outside.

You had been gone for nearly a week without hearing from Carson apart from a few text messages. You didn't know what you hoped to hear on the other end. What if he found out that you knew? What if he was calling to apologize? To beg you to come home? You glanced back at the coffee shop, mind flickering between the boy inside and the boy on the phone. You slid your finger across the screen to pick it up.

"Hi Car" you said, managing to keep your voice calm, eager to hear what he would say. You could hear some muffled noises, like he was rustling around.

"Car?" you asked again.

"Hey! Hey Y/N" he said, out of breath, his voice rushed. "Do you know where my blue sneakers are? I looked in the garage and in the back of the closet..." He rambled on but you had stopped listening. He was calling to ask where his sneakers were? You hadn't talked in almost six days and he was asking about his sneakers? His ignorance and the audacity he had to carry on his mundane, stupid life while you were battling your own future reignited the rage deep within you. You could have screamed as angry, frustrated tears welled up in your eyes.

"They're by the back door, in the basket" you said, interrupting him, your voice quivering with anger. You could hear him padding down the stairs.

"Shit, you're right, there they are, thanks, babe!" he said "You having fun with your mom? You'll be home next weekend, right?"

"Yup" you said cooly. "Look, I've got to go, I'll talk to you later."

"Ok!" He said, missing your tone completely. "Love you!"

Liar. You thought, and hung up.

JJ lay flat on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he twiddled with the rings on his fingers. He leaned over to glance at his phone: 3:30 AM. He couldn't sleep. His mind was whirling as he thought about how in one short week you had eclipsed his every waking thought, and now his sleep too. He had been drawn to your beauty, which was undeniable. You were perfect in every sense of the word, his body ached at the memory of you pressed against him in the ocean. Honestly, a shark could have bitten his leg off and he would have died a happy man spending his last moment on earth surfing in the sunrise, you latched to him, you wanting his arms around you, to hold you close, to protect you. God how he wanted that with you. More than he'd ever wanted anything, he was sure of that. But what he was feeling was more than physical desire. He loved getting to know you. He loved your personality. He loved how you were willing to try new things and put yourself out there, even though he knew it scared you. Riding dirt bikes and jumping in shark infested waters, you were braver than you gave yourself credit for. Perhaps more than anyone had ever given you credit for. Which is why he couldn't understand the last piece of your puzzle. He was pretty sure that phone call was from your fiancé, but why did you look so miserable? Why couldn't you just break things off if he didn't make you happy? Why can't she just be with me instead? he thought. If that was what you really wanted, he knew you were brave enough to do it, but did you? He flopped over and pulled his pillow over his head.

That Sunday night found you back at the Island Club for dinner with your mom. This time, she had eagerly invited several couples to join you and they spent the whole night discussing politics and humble bragging to each other. You smiled, nodded and laughed at all the right times like the circus animal you were tamed to be, each comment grating on you more and more until your eyes caught something over the shoulder of the woman across from you: a mop of blonde hair peeking out from the hallway, a hand waving wildly to get your attention and pointing to the back door while also trying to be subtle and failing miserably. You blushed deeply and laughed, trying too late to cover it up, which caught your mom's attention and halted conversation at the table. "I'm so sorry, will you please excuse me?" you said, standing up and walking to the back door without waiting for a response.

You pushed outside and looked around for JJ. There were people everywhere with some sort of event going on, a DJ mixed a sweet soundtrack that drifted out over the ocean in the background. You spotted him in the back corner of the balcony, near where you had first met.

"Oh my god, thank you" you said, exhaling loudly. "If I had to listen to Mr. Wheeler's play-by-play of his round of golf today any longer, I was going to pass out."

JJ laughed and nodded towards the beach, "My shift isn't over for another hour, but wanna go for a walk?"

You nodded eagerly, following him down the stairs and making your way to the beach, tugging off your heels and letting your toes sink into the cool sand.

You walked in comfortable silence for a while, listening to the DJ and the ocean as you quietly began humming the song that had just come on, one of your favorites, a summer classic, dancing in the moonlight.

You caught JJ shimmying to the beat next to you, which made you laugh. He caught your eye, smiling wide at your reaction and started dancing in earnest, moving his hips and arms in time with the beat. What you thought would be goofy ended up being impressive and undeniably attractive, he had moves and your eyes twinkled as you took him in, laughing and clapping, cheering him on when he reached out to grab your hand and pull you along with him, the two of you dancing, jumping and singing as he twirled you around to the beat. It was effortlessly fun. You didn't care about looking silly next to him and the way he was looking at you boosted your confidence tenfold. You both laughed harder as he spun you around once more, dramatically, as the song came to an end. You were both breathless, smiling at each other, your hand still wrapped in his as the next song faded in.

It was a slow song and it was like the minutes slowed in time with the beat as he squeezed your hand gently and pulled you into him, raising your hand in his while his other rested respectfully at your midback in a slow dance position. Neither of you said anything. It felt natural, easy, unforced, like everything did with him. You didn't have to think as you slipped your arm around his shoulder and let your head rest on his chest as he swayed you back and forth. You let your eyes flutter closed as you listened to the lyrics.

When the time is up and the sun it dies

'Til the rivers flood and the ocean dries

Hand in hand under the falling sky

I will love you...

The song was ethereal and beautiful and the lyrics tugged at your heart. You could feel tears pinprick your eyes without warning.

So many say it and it's all a lie

But I will love you...

The lyrics sounded like wedding vows and you nuzzled deeper into JJ's chest, drinking in the comforting smell that was distinctly him, the feeling of his arm around you, holding you to his chest and you let yourself imagine what it would be like to say these things to someone and mean them. To say them to someone you felt them for. To say them to someone you picked, instead of someone that was simply predestined for you.

You hadn't let out a sound, but as with so many other things between you, JJ could sense your feelings. He let your hand go, bringing both arms around, pulling you deeper in to him, resting his head on top of yours, whispering your name, a plea, a prayer, a question that you weren't ready to answer. As you continued to sway he let himself imagine what it would be like to say these things to you. To say everything he wanted to say to you, freely, without guilt or shame or fear of what you might say or not say back to him.

Before the song could fade out, the ocean crashed beside you, rushing up to soak your feet unexpectedly and you pulled away as the cool water brought you back to reality. You grabbed the hem of your dress, wiping discretely at the tears on your face as you looked up at JJ, his eyes on you, mouth parted like he wanted to say something, a look on his face you hadn't seen before. He was normally so happy, so carefree, but he was stone serious as he reached out a hand to tuck a piece of your hair behind your ears.

"JJ" you whispered, your eyes closing as his fingers brushed your cheek.

He pulled his hand back.

"Let's get you back, princess" he said quietly, "Don't want them to send a search party." You didn't miss the somber look on his face as he slung his arm over your shoulder like nothing had happened.

You lay flat on your bed, staring up at the ceiling as you twirled the ring on your finger. You leaned over to glance at your phone: 2:30 AM. You couldn't sleep. Usually, you crashed into bed after you spent your day surfing and soaking up more sun and Corona than you could remember, but the knowledge that you were heading home to face reality in just a few days had you tossing and turning. What you knew in your mind and what you wanted in your heart raging an endless battle that was tearing you apart. You knew that your parents had painstakingly planned every aspect of your life to be set up for success. A life with Carson meant wanting for nothing. You would have everything at your fingertips: a house, a car, designer clothes and five-star vacations, seven-bedroom rental homes and country clubs. You would want for nothing, except love and affection. Your heart told you that you had thought you had loved Carson, thought you knew what love was before you had come here, before you met JJ. Love wasn't houses and cars and a carefully planned future. Love was stolen glances over a bonfire, safe arms when you were scared, hugs when you were sad, barefoot dances on the beach, your name on his lips. Love was being scared of something and doing it anyway. And you had never been more scared in your life. You flipped over, pulling your pillow over your head.

The next morning it was like nothing had happened the night before, you and JJ falling into your casual but flirty familiarity during your morning surf session. You were both seated on your boards bobbing with the waves next to each other when JJ nudged you and pointed a little further down the shoreline in the water. You covered your eyes, squinting when you saw a burst of water and a dolphin crested the waves. You squealed with delight as you realized it was a whole school of dolphins, maybe 6 or 8, headed your way. You both watched in reverence as they swam closer, circling around you, maybe 10 feet away. You had never experienced anything like that in your life, your head turning every which way to take them in before looking at JJ and laughing.

Your joy was contagious and he laughed with a knowing smile. "They're good luck, you know" he said. You turned to him, curious. "They symbolize guidance, fun and freedom" he continued "And typically mean that good fortune is on its way." He looked around smugly before saying under his breath "...I'll take all the good luck I can get..." as he began to paddle in. The weight of his words not lost on you as you followed him.

That night you eagerly recounted the story to your mom, gushing over the amazing experience of being so close to such beautiful animals. She smiled and squeezed your hand, "I'm so glad you've had a chance to relax. I told you this is just what you needed" before changing the subject tactfully. "The wedding planner called to confirm the last security deposit has been settled for the venue and the band."

Your head snapped up at her, surprised.

"Mom" you started, your voice heavy with tension and trepidation.

"Y/N, this has been a great vacation. You've had your fun and that's what's important, but it's time to start thinking about reality."

The realization hit you and you could feel the dread and anxiety seeping over your body like someone had cracked an egg on your head. It oozed over you, sticky, thick and suffocating. Your family had no intention of letting you break off your engagement. This was a distraction as they continued to weave their web of deceit around you. Your mom had continued planning the wedding this whole time.

You stood up, shaking with the sudden urge to run, the need to be physically anywhere but here. "I'm going out" you said suddenly, grabbing a sweatshirt and your phone as you started walking toward the front door, ignoring your mother's pleas as you slammed it behind you and ran down the steps into the street, letting your feet create the distance you needed.

Hot, angry tears burned in your eyes and ran down your face as your fingers scrambled to your phone, dialing JJ's number before you could think more about it.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and stood to his feet when he saw your name on the caller ID. It was late, later than you'd ever called him before. He danced on the balls of his feet, trying to think of the best way to answer before swiping to pick up the call.

"Hey, princess!" he said, kicking himself for how desperate and eager he sounded.

"Jayj?" you said, your voice a strained cry and his smile immediately dropped, his feet moving on autopilot towards the front door. You weren't okay. "Can you come get me?" you asked.

"I'm on my way" he said, sprinting to a run as he hopped on his bike.

He found you walking on the side of the road a few blocks from the beach, killing the engine on his bike and tipping it into the dirt, not bothering with the kickstand as he ran up to you. You reached your arms up and he pulled you into a deep hug, nearly lifting you off your feet as his arms wrapped tightly around you, his head buried next to yours as you began to cry anew. His heart clenched, a physical pain in his chest as he felt the pain rolling off of you, squeezing you tighter like he could pull it out of you and take it on himself. He didn't try to quiet you down or ask questions, he just let you cry, rocking you side to side, rubbing your back. The sweetness of his touch making you cry even harder.

"I can't do it, JJ" you whispered, muffled in his shirt. His heart hammered in his chest. Did he hear you right? Can't do what? What is she talking about?

"I don't want to marry him, I can't marry him" you said, speaking the words you had felt in your heart but hadn't dared let yourself think or say out loud until now. His heart was beating so hard he was sure you could feel it. If it wasn't for the current circumstances he would have leapt into the air, fist pumped and thrown it in John B's face. He pulled away to look at you and you quickly covered your face with your hands in shame and embarrassment as you tried to wipe the away your tears.

"Come on" he said, putting his arm around you and walking you towards the beach. He needed a damn minute to think.

Your tears turned into sniffles which had turned into ragged breaths by the time you reached the beach, making your way towards the ocean, leaning heavily on JJ as he held onto you.

You walked along the water in silence as you tried to catch your breath and think of what to say. You only had one day left and it felt like if you started talking now even that wouldn't be enough time to say everything you needed to say. You stopped abruptly and turned to him. It was now or never.

"I come from a lot of money, JJ. My family, my dad, our company, it's sort of a big deal where I come from" you squirmed with embarrassment, but knew he needed to hear the whole truth. "My fiancé - Carson-" you squirmed again. Saying his name here, with JJ, in this sacred place felt so wrong, sour on your tongue, but you pushed through, "-He's taking over the company. It's all arranged as part of our engagement, our wedding, so that it stays in the family. If I don't marry him, then we don't have a plan for the business when my dad retires. Carson has been working there for years now, they've already developed a succession plan, put out the press releases..." you continued to spiral, babbling on about the business, the consequences, like you were trying to convince yourself, maybe even convince JJ why this wasn't such an easy decision. You looked up at him and your heart sank at the complete confusion on his face. "You don't get it" you said, disappointed.

"Oh, I'm following you" he reassured you "but I haven't heard you say one thing about what you want. I hear loud and clear what your dad wants, what-" he grimaced, head cocked in anger "he wants" refusing to say your fiancé's name, "But, what about you?"

Your mind echoed back to the first conversation you had with your mother.

"Sweetheart, this isn't just about you."

"THIS IS ABOUT ME! THIS IS MY LIFE!" you had shouted.

And you realized JJ was the first person to acknowledge that you were squarely in the middle of this situation, that this was in fact about you. You hung your head.

JJ mustered his courage to ask the one question he didn't want to ask but desperately needed the answer to. The one with the power to save his life or crush his heart.

"Do you love him?" he murmured.

You were shaking your head before you could register your own movement. Like your body needed JJ to know the words you couldn't say out loud. You looked up at him, biting your lower lip, tears in your eyes again, shaking your head in earnest now as he looked at you like his heart was breaking and mending and breaking again in front of you.

"He's cheating on me" you said finally, the last piece of the puzzle sliding into place as you hung your head again.

"He what?" JJ said incredulously, his voice rising.

"He's cheating on me, sleeping with my best friend" you repeated, like he didn't hear you. You registered him walking away and looked up to see him pacing angrily away from you, hands on his head.

"JJ?" you said and he stopped walking, back still to you as he leaned over and cradled his head in his hands like he physically couldn't take the information you had just shared with him. After a moment, he stood up and walked back over to you.

"Princess" he said, his voice pleading with you as he took your face in his hands gently, emotion thick in his voice, squashing the anger simmering just under the surface. "I can't tell you what to do, I won't tell you what to do, you have enough people in your life doing that for you. All I can do is tell you how I feel because I've been trying to do it for the past week but didn't want to misread the situation. The first night I saw you I thought, no, I knew you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my entire life. I told myself that if you even deigned to speak to me that I would do anything I could to make sure I put a smile on your face every day. That's what I've tried to do, to make you smile, to make you happy, to show you some fun, but along the way it became a whole lot more than that."

"JJ" you whispered, your bottom lip quivering.

He continued without pausing, "It wasn't enough just to go swimming together or go surfing or be out on the boat. I was craving you every moment we were apart, craving the chance to make you laugh, to be the reason there's a smile on those goddamn perfect lips, to see that twinkle in your eye, to grab your attention, even if it's to laugh at me or something stupid I said, I literally didn't care. I only have eyes for you... You know what I thought that day we were surfing and you thought there was something in the water?"

You shook your head.

"I thought that a shark could have bitten my leg off and I would have been the happiest guy in the world to spend my last damn moments on earth surfing with you, knowing that you were in my arms, that you felt safe in my arms, that you wanted to be in my arms" he choked up a bit at that. "That's not normal Y/N. Nothing I feel about you is normal. What we have isn't normal. It's fucking extraordinary. I'm falling in love with you, Y/N. Hard."

Tears slid down your cheeks as your lips continued to wobble. JJ pulled your face closer to his, now just inches away as he held your face in his palms, gently but firmly. He was biting his lower lip, eyes glancing at your lips.

You closed your eyes, pursing your lips. You felt him move forward when you whispered, "JJ, I can't, we can't. I'm engaged, and I won't do to him what he's done to me."

He sighed heavily as he rested his forehead against yours before pulling you back into his arms in a warm hug. He admired your morals and hated them at the same time.

"What are you going to do, princess?" he asked quietly after a few minutes.

"I don't know" you said, your voice barely a whisper as you hugged him closer. Willing the world to stop turning, so you didn't have to face tomorrow.

You wouldn't have wanted to spend your last morning anywhere else as you and JJ paddled out to surf. There was a thick tension in the air and an uncharacteristic seriousness about him that ebbed away but never fully disappeared as you fell into your normal rhythms, though this time it was you trying to make him laugh rather than the other way around. You could feel him looking at you closely as you bobbed in the waves, like he was trying to memorize you, afraid you would slip away.

You spent the rest of the day packing and going through the motions, in denial at the idea of leaving the place and the person that had become so special to you.

Your friends wanted to throw you a goodbye party at the chateau, which you managed to enjoy despite the circumstances. Your heart squeezed at the idea of leaving more than just the rolling beach, the morning surf and the blonde boy behind, but also a group of genuine friends, so drastically different than your so-called friends back at home.

JJ gave you a ride home that night. It felt fitting to spend your last night on the back of his bike, your bodies molded together comfortably as you leaned into him, resting your head on his back, hugging his abs with practiced ease. You had traded your dress and high heels for a damp bikini, shorts and one of his sweatshirts and you no longer worried about getting your hair tangled. A lot had changed in two weeks.

He rolled slowly up to your driveway, cutting off the engine but refusing to move, like if he didn't get off the bike, then he didn't have to say goodbye. You slid off the back, pulled off your helmet and shook out your hair like you'd been doing it the whole summer. JJ took off his own and let his eyes roam over you, the relaxed way your body moved, the sunburn on your nose from your days in the sun, the way you looked in his sweatshirt. He had told himself he was going to show you a good time and he had. If nothing else, he was happy to give you that, even if you didn't share his feelings. He got off the bike and looked down at you, smiling sweetly but sadly as he brushed his thumb over your cheek.

"I don't want to say goodbye" he said sadly.

You stomach churned with a guilt different from the one you had felt all week. You weren't guilty for the way you felt about JJ anymore. You were guilty for the look he had on his face right now, like you had taken this happy and carefree boy and run his heart over with his own bike.

"Please don't be sad" you said pleadingly.

"How can I not be sad?" he said with a bitter laugh, "You're leaving me."

"I'm not leaving you" you said pointedly. "I have to go home, I have to figure things out."

"And then what?" he pressed boldly, kicking himself at the fear and anger evident in his voice as he dropped his hand from your face.

"And then, I don't know!" you said, exasperated. "I'm doing the best I can, JJ. It's just a lot to figure out."

"Seems pretty simple to me" he said tartly.

You sighed in frustration.

"I'm sorry" he said quickly, "I don't want to fight with you. I'm just sad my surfing buddy is leaving" he joked, trying to lighten the mood as he leaned over to hug you. You curled into his arms, pressing your body firmly against his in a hug much more intimate than one shared with a friend as he nuzzled into your neck and the warmth of his breath tickled your skin. You swayed back and forth like that for a moment before you finally let go. You met his midnight blue eyes one last time as they drank you in. A sweet smile rested on his lips as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "Come back to me, princess" he said, stepping back and taking one last look at you before he hopped on his bike and rode down the street.

You managed to make it all the way to your room and into your bed before you cried loudly into your pillow, tugging his sweatshirt around you.

You were up early the next morning for your flight. When your alarm blared it felt like you hadn't slept more than an hour. You blearily showered and got dressed, stuffing JJ's sweatshirt deep into your suitcase before dragging it downstairs. You and your mom sipped your coffees in silence, trading glares over your mugs before you stepped outside to load up the car. You had wrangled your suitcase to the bottom of the stairs before you looked up and dropped your suitcase at your feet, your eyes transfixed on the single pink peony resting on the hood of your car. You ran over to, looking for a note and smiling when you didn't find one. You didn't need a note, you knew who it was from. You held it close to your chest like you could reach him through it. You finished packing the car and your mother pointedly ignored the flower as you tucked it into your purse.

The flight back home was uneventful but for the blanket of silence that rested over the two of you. The veil of the fun girls' getaway torn away to reveal the farce that it was.

So much had changed for you in the two weeks you were gone that you were surprised when you pulled into your driveway to see everything exactly as you'd left it. Your life had been flipped on its head, but this reality continued, unchanging. It felt like your house should have burned to the ground or that everyone around you should know what happened in the Outer Banks, but they didn't, they carried on and tugged you along with them in a whirlwind of dinner parties and wedding planning. You followed in dazed confusion, like a toddler aimlessly follows a parent. You touched the clothes in your closet, ran your hand over your kitchen counter like you were a stranger in your own home, like they belonged to someone else. This didn't feel like a part of you anymore.

JJ texted you relentlessly, and even tried calling, but you couldn't bring yourself to pick up and deleted the texts before reading them. You didn't want to torture yourself with something you could never have, as you felt everything you had with him slipping through your fingers.

Before you knew it, three weeks had passed. You felt like a zombie. Carson could tell something was off, even he wasn't that stupid. When he went to kiss you, you turned away and gave him your cheek instead, and when he reached for you in bed you rolled away and he also turned away, aggressive in his rejection. His touch made your skin crawl.

On the morning of the fourth week since you were back you were surprised to find a note on your bedside table when you woke up.

Come downstairs, I have a surprise for you ❤️

That shouldn't have made you gag. You wanted to roll over and go back to sleep, but you weren't sleeping well anyway. You pulled yourself up, groaning, tugging on your robe and slippers and padding downstairs to the kitchen. Your breath caught in your throat. Every surface had a bursting bouquet of pink roses. As Carson saw you enter the room, he handed you an iced latte from Starbucks. "Iced caramel latte and pink roses!" he said, clearly thrilled with himself. "Your favorites!" You looked down at the iced beverage, ice already half melted and looked around at the pink flowers, all the wrong type. You looked at your large kitchen with marble countertops and the open floorplan that poured into a designer-decorated living room as you thought about the single pink peony on your car. You sighed, tears rising up. You set the coffee down on the counter and turned to face Carson. You were scared. Terrified. You were making a cataclysmic life decision that you weren't sure you had the courage to make. You thought about the feeling of a dirt bike skidding out beneath your three-inch heels, you thought about dark choppy waves filled with sharks and jellyfish and slimy things that tickled your toes and then you thought about warm arms and a blonde-haired boy that promised you that if you had a little courage, everything was going to be okay. You reached for your ring and tugged it off your finger, placing it in Carson's hand.

It had been four weeks and John B didn't have it in him to tell JJ he had been right all along as he watched his best friend trudge through the days like he was sleepwalking. He was doing all of the JJ things with none of the JJ energy. He paddled out to surf with them but let wave after wave go by as he stared blankly out at the ocean, like he was hoping you would appear out of thin air. He went to parties and didn't touch a drop of alcohol. He smiled and laughed but none of it reached his eyes and when he thought no one was looking, he sunk quietly into himself, brows furrowed, hands running over his face, eyes fixed on his phone, willing it to ring.

Now JJ was kicked back at the chateau, laying in the hammock by himself in silence, staring out over the marsh.

"This is so depressing" Pope said as he looked over at him and the group nodded in agreement.

Sarah's phone chimed and she pulled it out of her pocket, her eyes quickly scanning the text as a grin spread on her face and she beckoned the group around her quietly.

As the night came to a close and everyone was getting ready to leave, Sarah shot John B a knowing look.

"Hey JJ - we surfin' our spot tomorrow?" he asked.

"I don't know, man" JJ said lazily as he rolled out of the hammock and trudged over to the group. "I might just stay in, get some sleep... you know..." he trailed off.

Sarah shot John B another look, urging him on.

"Come on, man, the waves are supposed to be tight with that storm rolling off Florida. Boys day!" he said, pointing at Pope.

"Y-yeah!" Pope said, picking up late on the hint, "Boys day, come on!"

"Fine, fine" JJ said, waving them off as he wandered over to his bike. "I'll see y'all in the morning." As the bike kicked up dust, John B and Pope pounded fists.

JJ barely managed to pull himself out of bed. He felt nauseous. Sick. He couldn't remember the last time he ate. That probably had something to do with it. The ache in his heart probably had more to do with it. He lazily pulled on a bathing suit off the floor, grabbed his board and hopped on his bike. He didn't want to be grilled for missing 'boys day', whatever that meant.

He was pissed to see he was the first one there as he trudged down to the water, sticking his board in the sand and flopping down onto his back, bringing an arm to cover his eyes from the early morning sun. He was so deep in his own head, he didn't hear the sound of the sand kicking up beside him.

"Laying alone in the sand at 6:00 in the morning, isn't a great way to meet people" a voice said.

He thought he was hallucinating as he shot up, eyes searching for the source of the voice and coming to land on you. You were in his favorite bikini, one hand covering your eyes from the sun as you smiled at him, one hand on your hip. He stood up so quickly he nearly lost his balance in the sand.

"Y/N?" he said, confusion and awe clear in his voice along with a thousand unspoken questions. What are you doing here? What does this mean? He was frozen to the spot, mouth opening and closing, clearly trying to string together a sentence when you flashed your left hand at him like you had the first night you met, letting the lack of a ring speak for itself. His eyes grew wide at the sight, his heart wanting so desperately to believe what his eyes could see.

Please don't let this be a dream. Please don't let this be a dream he thought as he walked towards you. When he finally placed his hands on either side of your face, when his fingers made contact with your warm skin, confirming you weren't a figment of his imagination, his smile was back as he grinned from ear to ear, eyes twinkling as he threw his head back and let out a loud "WOOOOO!" before scooping you into his arms and spinning you around. Your heart soared. He was like a little kid on a candy high as he spun you around and then took off for the water, sprinting into the ocean as you both laughed and tumbled into the waves together, momentarily losing your grasp on one another before you resurfaced and his arms reached out for you underwater, tugging you towards him again, your arms wrapping around his neck, your legs wrapping around his waist, your bodies perfectly molded to one another.

Something about being back in the water together where you had spent so much time stealing glances, brushing limbs and dancing around each other heightened the tension as your wet bodies pressed tightly together. All of him was pressed against all of you. You were hypersensitive to each other's touch; no longer forbidden, no longer secret. He ran his hand up your back and his thick arms encircled you, the simple touch mind-numbingly sexy after so much time apart. You brushed his damp hair off his forehead, letting your fingers tangle in his blonde locks, your faces inches from each other. He smiled at the feeling of your fingers in his hair. He couldn't wait any longer, he pulled you into him. He tasted like saltwater and sunscreen and summer. He kissed you deeply and passionately, a hand behind your head as he flicked his tongue against your lower lip and you let it curl into your mouth, reciprocating with your own. He pulled you impossibly closer to him as you bobbed in the waves together. You paused, trying to pull back. There was a lot you needed to say. "MmMm" he said, shaking his head against yours, refusing to break the kiss and instead kissing your deeper as he let his hands roam over your body. Your head was swimming, dizzy with his touch.

"JJ!" you managed to sneak out finally, taking his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you. "There's a lot I need to say."

"I think you're speaking loud and clear" he said, squeezing you and running a hand down to squeeze your ass, making you laugh as you slapped his shoulder playfully.

"I mean it!" you said, giggling, and he took the opportunity to kiss you again quickly. You took his face in your hands, tone serious. "I'm sorry I didn't see what was right in front of me. I-I was scared. Scared to walk away from what I knew even if it wasn't what I wanted. I know that might not make sense, but you gave me the courage to do it. To go after what I wanted for me, for my life."

He smiled, meeting your strong gaze with his, "Nah, princess, you did that all on your own."

"Well, if it wasn't abundantly obvious" you said, "I'm falling in love with you too, JJ Maybank. Hard." You could barely get the words out before he crashed his lips to yours again, capturing your smile with his own.

part two!

taglist: @ietss, @gillybear17, @palmwinemami, @sweetestdesire, @m-indkiller, @ashlaylayxd

[skinnytuna]

to me there are two emotions at each extreme of experience, and they are mostly the same.

at the bottom pole…

a dull boredom.. listless.. anxieties weaving in and out. unmotivated. a vague directionless sense of Desire but no will to choose or pursue. quickly giving way to worse and more inward versions of itself.

this is wrong, im wrong, everything ive ever done is wrong, the future is wrong and worst of all i haven’t a damned thing to do about any of it. dead. unmoving. pessimistic almost by default.

at the pinnacle…

a rapturous, sublime melancholy. a quiet joy with the distinct awareness of its own ignorance, its own temporeity. nostalgic but for the presence. a yearning fondness for what is not yet past but soon will be.

a deep consideration of the future and past value of this moment. that this is what you lived to see, and what you will live to achingly remember.

but they both ache.

two days ago i was on a mountain under the hot sky. i was listening to a song i’ve listened to thousands of times in thousands of places since i found it on bandcamp ten years ago. two chords, alternating, no cadences. the wind was gently pushing my clothes around. my calves were killing me earlier in the trek but the pain lessened the more i warmed up.

my friends and loved ones were scattered around the rock face in various levels of awe at the horizon.

i felt that sublime melancholy. i remembered the memory i was in. i remembered feeling that feeling with those same people before. i thought about how many times i’ll get to feel that feeling before i die. i thought about how many of these people i will still get to feel like this with in 5 or 20 years, and how many will have gone their separate way by then.

a lot of people fear a life unwell-lived. a life with regrets. to be honest it’s not something i think about much. my long term and short term memory, generally speaking, are catastrophically bad for someone with a mostly-healthy brain.

i know this because a lot of times i will react to something i had already reacted to once before in the same way i did it the first time, and i won’t remember, but someone else will, and we laugh about it.

but it makes the nostalgia thing funny. because i will probably forget that evening on the mountain. and i’ll need someone to remind me how it went.

but i never forget the feeling.

[gravesung]

*  ANSWER  TWENTY - ONE  QUESTIONS  ! some questions may be ‘ ??? ‘ instead of answered.

01.    NICKNAME  :  raine 02.    REAL  NAME  : emma 03.    ZODIAC  : gemini 04.    HEIGHT  : 5′9′’ 05.    WHAT  TIME  IS  IT  ?  : 10:54 am. 06.    FAVOURITE  MUSICIANS  /  GROUPS  :  lately it's been hoz.ier, air traffic controller, hal.sey (thanks hol), brick + mortar, the neighbourhood, zack hemsey (underrated, listen to him), and then just 100000 other artists that i only know 1-2 songs by because of character playlists 07.    FAVOURITE  SPORTS  TEAM  : uhh hh h (sweats) the sportsball sportsballers (nodding. i'm so cool and know a single thing about sp 08.    OTHER  BLOGS  :  @/huntershowl, my main blog! beloved oc, writing whom has changed my life in so many ways! also elizabeth bioshock at @/cewyll but the activity there is super low rn. she sleebin. once dragon age comes out she'll wake back up 09.    DO  I  GET  ASKS  ?  : HAHA. (TAKES A LOGN DRAG OF A CIGARETTE) bOY DO I MISS GETTING NICE ONES 10.    HOW  MANY  BLOGS  DO  I  FOLLOW  ?  : 133 (wow? goddamn) 11.    ANY  TUMBLR  CRUSHES  :  oo. i haven't been here super long (since The Resurgence at least) & pre-anime boy takeover this blog was more just a friends-only sandbox zone, so i don't do a lot of outreach still. —but also, who are we kidding, yes 100%: @vzmky's geto portrayal & art has me in shambles. same goes for @brazenlystrong, ur art and portrayal is so [chef kiss]??? (& lbr you two are a package deal SDHSKJDH) —@sasouken we've only written together a little bit so far, but i'm already like !!! EEE whenever i see a message or reply from u. such an honor honestly. —also silly but needs to be said, despite literally being mains @chaoslulled is STILL fuckin awe inspiring in every way. i still get a little thrill when i see ur replies AND I DO STILL READ EVERY ONE THREE TIMES 12.    LUCKY  NUMBER  : 4 (thanks artemis fowl) 13.    WHAT  AM  I  WEARING  RIGHT  NOW  : pjs... though im about to change into some kinda cuteass fall outfit for a walk outside & the gym 14.    DREAM  VACATION  : prollyyyyyy italy to visit mine papá... although tokyo & amsterdam sound very fun too i just love cities 15.    DREAM  CAR  : a solid public transport system 16.    FAVOURITE  FOOD  :  curry. any kind of curry 17.    DRINK  OF  CHOICE  : coffee (flat cappuccino or just drip w/ cream), spicy black teas (dont get me started ill talk forever), or if we're talking alcohol, i always gravitate toward floral gin drinks 18.    LANGUAGES  :  english but i am learning welsh for fun. at some point i GOTTA start learning italian but i'm putting it off because i'm lazy 19.    INSTRUMENTS  :  cello & piano, a ttteeeeeeeny bit of guitar, took vocal lessons for a while, but honestly cello is my main bitch forever and ever 20.    CELEBRITY  CRUSHES  :  c.ate blanchett, d.aniel henney, k.eanu reeves, j.anelle monae, k.ing princess, uhhh kaoru kobayashi has real hot scarred dad vibes in midnight diner (this answer has not changed since 2019 when i last did it) 21.    RANDOM  FACT  : i just started an art mentorship!! gonna be commissioned a custom mural (themed on isolation, there will be hellhound & lighthouse themes involved most likely lbr) & later this fall, doing some inking for a mecha comic under guidance of a local artist i admire so much. it's gonna take an entire year but i'm so excited about it, especially because i want to eventually make my own webcomic/GN about mx houndcreature eventually (soonish) 

TAGGED   BY  :  thiefed it.

TAGGING  :  y'all know by now that i barely have enough confidence to tag the earlier ppl. THIEF IT. TAG ME SO I CAN SEE. but also @tewwor because you tagged me in this 5 yrs ago

[siriuslyprincesssarah]

A little vent session

I find it so funny that the same people who are getting onto me about supposedly not properly tagging my story are now getting onto me about tagging my story improperly when the endgame is Harry and Hermione, and I have tagged it so from the beginning. Soulmates can be platonic and Harry and Hermione are for NOW, but soon it will change.

Hermione and Draco are a separate story, and what is of them within Enchanted will last four 1/2 total chapters. Two 1/2 which are already posted. The rest will be back to Harry and Hermione fighting each other until when they finally get together near the prologue. I did, in fact, tag it appropriately. As I stated to one reader, when we read a book in real life, we don't have pre-tags. When I started writing fanfiction, there were no tags at all. Many don't tag their fics, but I try my best to tag them to give people a heads-up. A few people just don't like it because I am including Draco. Who is important to the storyline starting during the next chapter.

I finally had enough, and I'm screening reviews. People are being rude and think they know everything and how it is going to be planned out. NO ONE knows everything. I have no beta. All I am is a school teacher who writes her ideas of what she wishes would have happened after the books out into the universe.

This story was conceived on a road trip to Washington, D.C., over one year ago. On my way down, I listened to Spotify and somehow was stuck listening to Taylor Swift's complete collection. Many of the scenes were Google transcribed to my notes after I heard a song and sent myself a note while driving. Since then, I've had an outline of how I wanted it to go. After sightseeing, I'd return to the hotel and work on my outline.

This story was never meant to go this long. Initially, I meant for it to be one chapter a year from 1998 to 2007, then end there—ten chapters total—but I couldn't end it there. It got away from me. Ten turned into 20. Twenty turned into 30. My outline has it sitting at 45 if I end it where I originally planned. I may or may not end it before that and create a sequel, though. We will see. Looking back, should I have gotten them together before 2007? Yes, but I started it in 2007, and the way things fall to make it there for certain things, it has to be 2007. I see Hermione as career-oriented and not settling down straight out of school. Of course, I was that way too.

Ending this rant, I beg my readers to please trust the process. I know there is a period right now that some are unhappy with. When the idea came to me, I knew people wouldn't like it. But putting her with Draco worked for four reasons. First, she has a relationship that no one would think she would and briefly tries to move on from what she feels she will never get with Harry. The second will be revealed next week. The third will be revealed in chapter 35. The fourth will be revealed in chapter 36.

Just bear with me and for those who have stuck around and have supported me here. I'll thank you for doing so. The father is. Harry :) Because, of course, it is, and it never was a question. I just wanted to build a little suspense.

Thank you so much for supporting me and reading this if you did.