#because I didnt know how to think more deeply about what I was reading or appreciate the craft

[captain-noir]

my biggest hot take is that the fandom does a lot of heavy lifting, as fandom wont to do, when it comes to many of the pairings and dynamics in the vc series. fandom perception of a thing isnt the thing in actuality yknow 

[tubercloset]

I think a lot about rereading popular books that I chose to hate because I feel like now I will be able to understand what made them so popular. But also I didn't like them in the first place

[tan1shere]

i have no idea if you do fics for eva from swarm but i’m begging you for another!! maybe like we join the group unknowingly but eva takes a particular liking to us? you can change stuff about that idek what i’m saying i just need more eva fics

(i know she’s a cult leader but she’s hot. arrest me 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️)

All Mine

Eva x female reader !

A/n: yesss we love Eva here, I hope you enjoy !

Summary: there were many girls in the cult. But she was drawn to you, obsessed with you.

Warnings: smut, eva is cray cray but in a hot way (we know 😋) eating out (r receiving) hickeys - I think that might be it, leme know if I missed anything !

Masterlist

It was 3 months in, and you loved it there your new friends, letting you stay with them after your car had broke down not far from them. You had no idea where you were heading if you were honest so when they offer you to stay you ofcourse say yes. Eva, the lead girl of the little group was the first one to find you on the side of the road.

"Fuck sake." You cursed under your breath. You then hear a voice behind you, startling you slightly. "Everything ok?" You turn to face her. "Yeah just a flat tire- probably a sign I shouldn't keep going." You awkwardly laugh a tiny bit, causing her to flash a beautiful smile, it made you go a little crazy. "Im Eva." She sticks her hand out. "Y/n."

And ever since then you've been happily living there, alongside all the others. You had your own room, just like Eva did. Which confused you to say the least. Because the others all slept in one room. Why didnt you? But those wandering questions soon enough unfolded.

There was no doubt Eva was hot, you deeply thought so. Whenever she'd speak so softly, with a hint of teasing, it was alluring. And to be honest you loved it. You didn't quite understand why, you were all just friends. Right?

"Good day?" You then hear her voice, causing you to look at her as she approaches your seat, sitting next to you. "Great thanks, Eva. It's so lovely here." Her eyes wander your face. "Good, angel. Im so glad." You look into her piercing blue eyes, feeling like you were in a trance. She was like nothing you've seen before.

You then think for a moment. "Can I ask you something?" She just nods, moving a loose strand behind your ear. "What's up?" You take a moment to process. "Why do I have a room to myself and the others don't?" She then thinks, needing to come up with a lie. "They've all had it at one point, each new girl gets to have it til they're settled in with one another." You believed anything she said, so you just smile and nod. "Makes sense!"

But suddenly it didn't make sense. You ofcourse talk to the others, but you mainly kept to yourself. "Hey Cricket!" You smile, she returns it. Patting the spot next to her. "Hey babe, everything good?" You nod with a hum. "I did have a question though." She swivels to face you. "What's on ya mind." - "How long did you have the room I'm in before you went into the main one?" Her brows furrow slightly. "I've never had that room, no body has in fact. Eva said it was just empty but nothing was going in it. Why's that?" Your mind thinks for a moment. Eva lied to you.. but for what reason.

"Oh- uh. Nothing important, I just assumed thats what had happened." You shake your head slightly, pulling yourself out of your thoughts. "Nope, you're the first actually, I didn't know that could be a bedroom to be honest." You nod, going to get up. "Yeah, well. Thanks Crick." She nods, giving you a last smile.

You march up to Eva's room and open the door, you'd usually knock but she was just sitting on her bed reading. "Everything alright love?" Her brows furrow, going to get up. She comes over to you, putting her hand delicately on your cheeks. "You lied to me, why?" Confusion strikes her. But your instant with your words. "You know exactly what I'm talking about." - "Baby, hey. I said that so you wouldn't rub it in the others faces. Did you?" You felt angry for some reason. "Ofcourse not! That's not who I am. You know that." She hums in reply. "Look, they aren't bothered that they don't have that room, they're pretty happy being in the main."

"So whyd you lie to me?" You fold your arms, but you just looked so cute in her eyes. "Because I didn't want you knowing the real reason, not them." You ponder for a moment, huh? Why though.. "i don't understand." You look into her eyes, but hers get closer by the second. Backing you up against the wall. "Let me show you." She says into your neck. Her breath causing you to shiver visibly. Your mouth opens slightly, going to put your hand in her soft hair. Her lips make contact with with your skin. Beginning to suck hard.

Noises come out of you. Liking this a bit too much. "Eva-" You gasp as she bites. She wasn't listening, continuing to suck as you let out a noise of approval. But she abruptly removes her mouth, clearly done with the task. You whimper, wanting more. And she smirks, exactly how she wanted you. "Go down for dinner hm?" She bites her lip but you freak out. "But my neck-" "good. Let them see." Your eyes widen in size, but you were so drawn to Eva. You just wanted to do exactly as she asked.

That was now a few weeks ago, nothing has actually happened and you were growing incredibly frustrated. Why hadn't she made another move like that night? It was bugging you. So you did what you thought would get her attention. You wore a short summer dress that was tight around your breasts making them sit incredibly nicely. You wanted to go for a small walk down to the gardens, but before you could leave the house a hand is gripping your wrist. "What're you wearing?" You turn to look at her. "Clothes? Can I not?" Her brow raises.

"Things are very.. tight." She says as she observes. "Don't look then." You say with a cheeky smile, about to leave again. She scoffs, pulling you back considering her grip was still tight around your wrist. "Uh uh, don't do that." - "Or what? Why do you care so much."

"When you come around looking like this, don't think I don't recognize that shit."

"Bothered?" She tilts her head, looking at your lips. She honestly had no idea why she was putting off going further with you. Maybe beyond all the sexualness she had grown to truly care for you. The fear of hurting you in any way was evident. "My room, now." Something in you changes and you do just that, loving the way her voice sounded.

You make your way up there, standing in the middle of the room. "Are you afraid of something Eva?" She sh's you, going straight to kissing your neck. She didn't want to talk right now. "But it seemed-" "Silence angel, just relax." You let out a breath you had been holding in, trying hard not to go too mental. But you ofcourse failed. Miserably. You were now laying on your back against her bed. Her ontop of you. Your brain fuzzed over when her hand slides up your thighs, inching closer and closer to you. "You're so warm." Her voice was like a whisper inside your brain. Like she wasn't real.

"Please Eva, need you so bad." You pleaded desperately. She smirks down at you, moving her hand inside to feel just how wet you had become. You gasp yet again, not as prepared for her next move. She plays with you, exactly how she's been playing with your mind. But you loved it, craved it. It never felt real. It certainly did now though. "So wet, wonder who got you like this." You try to form any kind of words. "You Eva.. you made me wet." The confession makes her go insane. Adoring how much power she has over you.

"Precious precious girl." She softly says, lifting your dress up and planting her face directly over your clothed pussy. But her hands yank them off within an instant, seeing for herself just how wound she had you. "Goodness me, angel. Get to see it all for myself." Another whimper escapes you. "All mine." She then breathes, diving in immediately after saying that. "Fuck!" You screech, but a soft hand flies to your mouth. "Quiet baby, unless you want them to hear how I'm having you right now." You shrink as she says that, feeling a lil embarrassed. "Didn't think so.." She trails off, licking your cunt real good.

Causing you to bite her hand, knowing how loud you can get. "I mean, I'd like them to hear, all those pretty noises. How much of a mess you'll be when I'm done. All, because of me" Her finger makes way into your mouth, getting you to suck. "You're so well behaved huh?" Your mind goes blank feeling like an empty piece of paper. "What a good girl, very good." Your eyes shut as her tongue enters you, her pace fast. Making your head spin. "Eva." You mumble against her finger, feeling it coming quick. "Go on baby, let me finally taste you." And with a few more fucks of her tongue. That's what you did.

Cumming all of it into her mouth. And she couldn't be more happy. "So easy to make cum. Good to know."

[mythicmanuscripts]

Hi,just wanted to ask if you would be able to write about people reacting to Aegon in displaying PDA with either his wife or lover.

Like the touches are not sexual but like lingering and innocent, people can see how in love they are or how deep their connection is.

It can also be a brothel worker (I love your latest piece of work) that he cares deeply for and wouldn't mind showering her with affections as she did him.

Anyway, just saying your writings got me into knowing the dom and sub in a very gentle and comfortable way. Love you!

I'm so glad to hear you enjoy my content!! Also yeah I love when dom/sub dynamics can be so gentle and sweet and very very healthy and communicative. Loads of people tend to think that BDSM is purely slapping people and calling them whores but that's not even close to the truth. In case you guys couldnt tell I am most certainly a certified soft dom and service dom.

Anyway, I love this idea! I think I'm going to write this with Aegon and his wife instead of brothel worker? I'm very happy to do a brothel worker one if you guys would like I just think he concept makes a bit more sense with wife!reader. If you have thoughts about this with brothel worker!reader and how that would work then feel free to let me know!! I'd be happy to explain on it.

Back to the point, there's nothing too explicit in this answer so no cut to hide behind, but it's very clearly sub!aegon so bare that in mind before you decide to read :))

I've said this before and I'll say it again: at first your marriage with Aegon is like any other arranged marriage and you're only seen together when absolutely necessary. But then you start to get to know each other and your dynamic starts to become more dom/sub and from there he is absolutely OBSESSED with his wife and everyone knows it.

So the PDA starts once the dom/sub dynamic has been sorted out.

As we all know, Aegon is very needy. He's a needy, jealous kinda pathetic little thing and he wants nothing more than to watch his wife be so much smarter than him and get to be her little gremlin cheerleader who followers her around and has no thoughts whatsoever. Now obviously he's the actual king so he needs to be seen a little more in control than that, as Allicent is always reminding him, but that's not to say he actually tries to seem that way.

If you're in public with Aegon then you are always next to him. If you get called away and are gone for more than a few minutes then Aegon will start looking for you because where are you??!! You're his wife!! How are you be away from him for more than a few minutes!!

He's been known to come up from behind you and wrap both his arms around your waist, hugging you from behind and resting his head on your shoulder while you're talking to someone else. He won't actually contribute to the conversation and if the people you're talking to try to include him he simply won't respond. He's not there to actually joint the conversation, he's there because his wife is!

When he's holding court, Aegon will never allow you to be standing with all the others below the thrown. Historically that is where the queen consort has always been, standing with the other ladies of the court while the king sits on the iron thrown.

Before you two became closer you wouldnt even attend Aegon's court and he didnt care. But when you start to get closer and you start come to court, he point blank refuses to let you stand with all the other ladies. You're the queen!! What are you doing down there???

The first time this happens, you had spent the night with him and he asks you to come to court with him. You agree of course, and you enter the thrown room together. He walks as he usually does and goes up the stairs to the thrown. He turns around and he's about to sit when he realises you arent with him. He looks around and sees you've moved to the side with the other ladies of the court.

"What are you doing over there?" Aegon asks you. He tilts his head and chuckles because he thinks it's absolutely hilarious that you'd actually think you had to stand there with all of them. He tells you to come up with him, and you do walk up the stairs to the thrown but when you get there you simply speak softy to him, reminding him that there's only the iron thrown and not anything else to sit on so you ask if he wants you to stand next to him for the entire thing.

Obviously this is unacceptable to him. He would never make you do that.

He ends up insisting you sit on the actual thrown and he literally just sits on the stairs besides you. Everyone, including you, doesn't know what to think of this but Aegon has no issues whatsoever. Honestly he's very happy sitting on the stairs and listening to all the different things people come to him about. Very often he'll look up at you, silently asking for your opinion and when you do start speaking, he doesn't look back at the person you're speaking to but instead he keeps his eyes on you. He looks so very clearly in love and in awe of you and pretty quickly everyone gets used to it.

After that court day you try to suggest he gets another chair next to the thrown or something but he actually refuses? He really likes sitting on the stairs, likes that you get the thrown. When you try to tell him that you're not sure if that's even allowed he simply reminds you that he's king.

Pretty soon all the paintings of Aegon during his reign are actually him on the stairs with you on the thrown, many of them show Aegon looking up at you and not even looking straight ahead.

That really shows everyone what your dynamic is. You're always calm and collected and very kind when needed. Aegon, meanwhile, is utterly obsessed with you and is always looking at you like he's in awe you're actually his wife.

Of course you're also always holding hands when walking together, or linking arms.

[1800-page-not-found]

Being drunk and complaining how you think your bf is prettier than you (genshin men x fem reader) PART 2

GUESS WHOS BACK FOR PART 2 EHEHEHHEHEHH

anyways my bad for delaying this for so long lmaoooooooo

in my defense i am lazy so

ALSO...i kinda um derived from the main like 'complaining how hes prettier than u' and its more like 'ur so fucking pretty' BUT its still good pls read it plspls i beg u

Characters:(seperate) Harbinger Scaramouche era, Wanderer Scaramouche era, Gorou, Xiao, Baizhu, Kaveh

Let me feed u again with some gorgeous men

Scaramouche was a bit annoyed. After all, as a harbinger, he had no time to deal with such idiotic things. But when he found out you overheard some unsightly humans whispering about this, he was furious. Especially because you had to be drunk to admit this to him. Did he not give you all of his heart? So why do you still not trust me? And how dare someone make you feel so insecure. "No, no," you shook your head, solemn. "I-I didn't want to bother you about such things, its alright Love, I'm fine." you cupped his face with your hands and smiled at him, assuring him it'd be ok. "E-erm.." he stuttered, flustered by you holding his face. I mean, someone as pretty as you is his girlfriend. His! "If you'd like, I do have some spare time.." he paused, looking for a reaction. Your face lit up. Drunk you was quite bold and honest. "Really?! Does that mean i have you all to myself?!" you jumped up in glee. You pulled him out your home in Snezhnaya, going to who knows where and doing god knows what. After you exhausted yourself and fell asleep in his secure arms, it was time to punish. Those foul beings never walked the entirety of Teyvat again. Waking up, you had no recollection about what you did when you were black out drunk, but your lover's public display of affection grew, from shyly holding hands and sneaking his arms around your waist to kissing you in front of everyone, and also calling you pretty, beautiful, etc.

(down below is before the Wanderer gains his memories)

The Wanderer was the equivalent to a dandelion seed that never stopped floating. But when he found you, it was like finding firm ground to grow and blossom. You made him feel things that made him whole. You showed him all sorts of emotion. One day you came home (he moved in your home) drunk, tripping over yourself. Wanderer rushed to support you as you leaned against the wall. "hehehe!" You giggled, wrapping you arms around your neck. "Y/n!" he stammered. "Gosh," You sighed, staring lovingly into your lover's eyes. "How did i get such a beautiful boyfriend?.." He was flustered, face red and all. "You're so much prettier than me and everyone...what if someone snatches you away from me!?!" you started to worry. "Y/n my love, it should be i who is afraid, you're so kind to everyone and unintentionally charismatic...theres even a fan club of you..." (he totally didnt start a fan club about you)

"Gorou baby, why are you just so cute?.." you held his face and leaned in, staring deeply at his features admiring them. Gorou wasn't accustomed to this type of affection, or affection in general. "W-what? Cute?! I-I'm not!" He was very red, closing his eyes in embarrassment after noticing his tail wagging. "My cute little general...I just wanna keep you all to myself!" You laughed, holding Gorou by the waist in one arm and holding a cup of beer in the other. "Y/nnnnnn...." he covered his face with his hands, he didn't want you to see him like this...you'd just call him cute again!

"Ohhhhhhhhh Xiaooooo over hereeee! Hehehe" you laughed, waving your arms drunkenly at Xiao as you clutched a whole bottle of dandelion wine given to you by a bard who was your friend. Xiao sighed as he walked over to you. "I didn't know an immortal would have such low alcohol tolerance...that damn bard.." He sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose annoyed. "You're so gorgeous Xiao...my gorgeous boyfriend. So so pretty...hmmm" you collapsed forward, but fortunately, a blushing mess of a Xiao caught you and carried you bridal style (heheeh) to your home. "What nonsense are you spouting...I'm not...gorgeous or pretty..." Affection and love were new to him. make sure you give him lots of it in the future!

Baizhu, as someone who is ill, did not drink any form of alcohol that night. You however...drank both shares of alcohol given. Thus you were very, very drunk. "Baizhuuuu...." you slurred. "Yes dear?" He replied softly, smiling. "You're just...toooo pretty. Prettier than everyone hehehe!" you giggled like some high school girl in love as you looked up at his rather stunning face as you laid on his lap. "Oh my... getting flirty now are we? I think you're the most stunning and intelligent woman i've ever met!" Changsheng grimaced. "You guys are so lovey-dovey it's going to make me vomit!"

As a rather broke architect, Kaveh usually wasn't able to drink such a high-quality wine. And you, a rather wealthy individual who practically ran the fruit industry in Teyvat, travelled a lot. So this fancy dinner kaveh had cooked up and the luxurious wine you had brought back as a souvenir made a perfect romantic time at your house. I forgot to mention. The two of you were really, REALLY drunk. "God that awful man! I can't believe I have to be his roommate!" You laughed. "You could always stay with me you know. Ah but i suppose you'd get lonely...whatever! Anything my pretty boyfriend says I'll agree hehe" You stared at his face, admiring his beauty. "I mean, gosh smart and pretty?! I got soooooooooo luckyyy" Kaveh was very bashful towards your flattering comments. "I'm not pretty! I'm handsome!" He argued. "Right, right...you're handsome! Super duper handsome!" You laughed. "Stop teasing me!" He was practically a tomato! "Awwww is someone shy? I should do this more often!~" The teasing went on for a record breaking one and a half hours! I wonder if you can break the record again next time?

[firefly--bright]

winter sun.

jean kirstein x reader, modern au

summary ; wintery sunsets and a cold walk with jean, secrets being peeled apart. warnings ; none :) a/n ; hey divas im. dying there is so much work i found like a slither of time to write this </3 that being said requests are open even if i'll take time to write them. thank u @ppushable for enabling me to write this taglist ; @holding-infinity-and-a-book , @mrsnobodynobody , @hopeless-anti-romantic , @jeanscremebrulee , @berrijam , @happxme , @cherrypieyourface , @imgayandshesanime , @moonmalice , @kivernova , @potaho3frog , @xakilicious , @katestrophes , @gojo-ana , @ppushable , @candleohappiness

main masterlist is in pinned post! ✿ enter my taglist! ✿ requests are open!✿ listen to this while reading (shush.)

middle tile art creds ; @plutocisms on tumblr!

The apartment was surprisingly quiet. 

The rare occurrence where sasha’s voice didnt permeate through the thin door of your home, where connie’s protests to jean’s choices in music didnt make their way to your ears even as you were climbing the stairs, the surprising lack of marco’s voice trying to mediate the two while the smell of something deliciously preparing in the kitchen, no doubt being observed with careful precision and hawk-eyed vision of the guy. None of that. It almost sent a chill down your spine, the jingle of your keys being the only thing that could be heard on your floor - your neighbours were tired of complaining about you and your friends’ loudness - and you made sure to not make too much noise unlocking the door.

The curtains were drawn, the only sound coming carefully from your own room, a soft yellow hue from under your door. You put your things away, your socked feet still cold despite being covered, fingers frozen and buried deep in your pockets. 

You pushed the door to your bedroom open with your foot.

Jean sat in your bed - laid down, really, like it was his own. It might as well be, and his hair was set, absorbing the golden light from your bedside lamp, his phone his his hand. He was dressed in your favourite, almost a knowing, well-kept secret in your mind. How he became aware of it you had no idea, but his deeply forest green sweater flowed gently over him, hugging his arms. 

He looked up, his eyes shining, gleaming. “You’re back,” he says, sitting straight up, back no longer supported by the pillow behind him, the cushion only holding an impression of him that youd like to keep forever. A proof of sorts, but that wouldnt be necessary as long as he was infront of you. 

“Hey.” you said, warmly, because that’s what he made you be. You set your bag down at the foot of your bed, and jean gets up with a question on his mouth, his chapped lips spilling out the statement as if he’d been mulling it over for a time longer than himself. “Wanna go see the sunset?” he asked, lips twitching at the corner - another well kept secret in your mind, your favourite passing expression on his face. There were a lot of things you liked about him, in passing, in secret, truth kept hidden between you and your mouth. Kept close, kept quiet. 

You hummed as if you even had to think about the answer. Dramatically, you stretched your arms over you, faking a yawn. “I dont know, jean, im pretty tired,” 

His shoulder slumped in a way where he thought it wouldnt be noticeable - something you couldnt help but notice - and he said, “oh, okay. Some other day th- oh youre fucking with me. Oh, okay. Fuck you,” he says, a joking scowl on his face as he started to walk out your door, refusing to turn his back on you. You laugh in teasing, a small, conscious sound. “Im never going to ask you, now, and years later when im dead-” “-how many years are we talking?” “twenty thousand. Im going to outlive you. You’re going to regret ever doing this to me-” your laugh becomes just a little louder, a little less conscious, a little more comfortable against the sound of his voice, and he smiles wider knowing youre happy. “I’ll write it in my eulogy, then,” you say, following him to the hallway. “you better.” he leads you to where you kept your shoes, your welcome mat folding as he halted infront of it, removing your coat from the rack along with his. “here lies jean kirstein, died out of spite,” you wear your shoes and he holds out your coat to put your arms in. “youre joking about this but im pretty sure that would be the only reason i’d ever die.” he wears his own coat, and the door opens gently, with your laughter replacing the sound of the empty, dimly lit stairway.

There’s really not much of a sun to be seen set. Maybe it was all just an excuse jean made up to hear your voice that warmed him in the freezing cold, and maybe you already knew that, and hoped his hand would brush against yours to remind you of his grounding heat, walking beside you. Coats on your shoulder, you and jean walked around aimlessly in your neighbourhood, treetops barren with the branches cutting through the blueing sky, colouring jean’s stray hairs in their shade. Another well kept secret in your ever-growing list - jean’s hair was like a chameleon. Being light enough to catch the colour of the light shining on him without much protest, and in the mornings when he sat beside you in class, backlit against the closed window with the sun shining painfully through the planes of glass, his hair looked like a crown. A halo, summery and warm but diffusing in his hair like something that was only evidence of holiness, blending into his strands almost seamlessly.

The tip of his nose was red, cheeks and ears taking on the same tint. His breath created a small cloud in the air from his nose, disappearing in a millisecond. Youd keep it there forever, if you could, seeing as his breath warmed your face, every exhale holding a piece of his lungs and the fact that it was so close to you, an evidence of holiness, was more than what you’d asked for in your life. You were sure if you closed your lids you’d see the outline of his face etched in the same light of your bedroom nightlight, lulling you to sleep.

 

“How was your day?” he asks, his voice soft, turning his head towards you. His eyes reflect your figure and its the only way youd want to see yourself. 

“Alright. Oh! After my last class, i was just talking to some people in my class with the professor-” “-zoe?” “yeah!” your voice lilts upwards, a physical proof. He remembered your schedule for today. “And we were just, yknow, talking, and they started telling us about the one time they got into a barfight.” jean snorts. “Honestly, i wouldnt expect less form them.” “me too. It started out as them and the other guy arguing about some fact and the guy just refused to listen to them so they had to google it and, yknow, they were right, and the guy refused to believe it. Got punched in the face. And then they showed us a scar from the stitches on their chin after they fell down at the curb.” jean laughed. “I wish i still had their class.” he said, and your hands brushed just as predicted and hoped. Your boots crunched the ground below you, your footsteps in sync with his, and jean retracted his hand. “Jesus, youre cold.” he remarked, looking at you, and you shrugged. “What can you do?” you asked. A rhetoric, helpless question. 

But jean’s hand enveloped yours, your feet coming to a halt with his, standing face to face with both your hands held by jean's warm fingers, burning like a furnace, set ablaze like your heart, a hearth around your previously frozen closed digits. There was a breeze, somewhere, far away to you, and jean’s eyes looked at yours with gentleness and no secrets. His shoulders relaxed, as if holding your hands like this was something natural and unplanned and comfortable - it was - but it was new, and you’d always assumed that change set your heart racing because it was too much. But then this was change, too, and your heart was normal, only a little bigger, comfortable against your chest that seemed so close to his. Maybe it was only comfortable because of that fact.  

He breathed into your hand, his own creating a shell around yours to keep the heat locked in just as you had thought about. A piece of his lungs, disappearing in a moments notice, a moments silence, a moment too long, comfortably stretched out under your well-kept secrets that you werent sure were so well-kept anymore. 

“Pretty today.” he comments, his eyes anywhere but to you now, and you wonder if you heard him right, but his breath lies there, unapologetic, heard, content around you. A piece of his lungs wraps around you, sinking into your layers of clothes and skin until it hits your bones. Somewhere, distant and clouded, the sun sets slowly. “Thank you,” you say, wondering if you should spill your own secret. “I like you in green.” you say. It sounds stupid and embarrassing to admit, and now it’s your turn to avert your eyes and stare and your hands. Theyre warm now. Jean hasnt stopped holding them. 

“I know.” he says. “Thats why i wear it so often.” “it makes your eyes look warm.” you say, clearing your throat, “colour theory, i think,” you excuse. 

You feel him nodding slowly, and his hands tug on your gently, pulling your body closer to his. Your chin tilts up, just in time to catch his breath, again, so close to yours, disappearing not before mingling with your exhale, piece of your lungs, in the still air. “Colour theory.” he repeats, and its clear that the excuse didnt work on him, not because hes smirking the way he usually is when he spots your poorly concealed truth, but with a pinch between his brows, subtle enough to be almost hidden. You catch it anyway. 

“Is there…. any colour theory to… to support why you look so…pretty?” he asks, face scrunching at the end, cringing at his own question. You smile. He shakes his head, a strand of his hair slipping onto his forehead. The wind brushes it away and you allow it to because of your preoccupied hands. “Forget i said that,” “its the blue,” you breathe, providing him with a clearly fake statement, but its not a secret this time. It doesnt hide behind your teeth, freeing into the wind, wrapping around him unapologetically. 

His lips twitch, sacred secrets still in your hands but theyre in his warm ones now, so you suppose its okay. 

“The blue?” he asks, small smile on his slightly cracked, cold lips. Your reflection is in his eyes and youre close enough to see the blue that tints the corner of his pupils - colour theory. Whatever it was. “Yeah. the sky, i think.” 

“The sky makes you pretty?” he asks, and you copy his smile despite yourself. “Yeah. maybe.” 

He nods again, slowly. Your words soak into his skin, warming his muscles, relaxing his shoulders. “I like blue.”

“I like green,” you say.

You have matching smiles on your faces, and you lean your lips to his hands, placing a small kiss there, a proof of your secrets, the ability of them spilling out one day, the possibility of comfort that jean provided openly, without remorse, to you. The fog his breath was creating came to a halt. You looked back to him, and your nose bumped against his cold, pink one. “I… there’s no sun.” he said, almost desperately, holding himself together by flimsy reasoning, but you broke his resolve without even trying. “Its okay. Its there somewhere. Close your eyes, maybe you can see it.” 

His eyes fluttered shut. In the darkness, he could see the outline your shape left under his lids. “Are you seeing it?” you ask, and your lips are so close together now its dizzying, and you wouldve collapsed if it werent for the way you held onto eachother’s hands. 

Jean nods. In the darkness, under his lids, he traces every line of your face, a piece of his heart. 

“Good. then we’re seeing the same sun.” you say. Jean opens his eyes to see your own closed, hands in his, growing warmer. He didnt remove his hands. 

“Yeah. we are.” he agrees, eyes glancing at your lips, waiting for your eyes to open.

When they do, you find a question in his. Warm, complimenting the colour of his sweater, gleaming in the blue of the sky. You inch closer to him with your own answer, your lips pushed slightly apart, waiting for your secrets to be unleashed into his own poorly concealed ones behind his usually clenched jaw. 

His lips are chapped. A little cold. So were your hands, but his touch warmed you, and you hoped your own lips warmed his, taking his breath - a piece of his lungs - into yours, and he pushed a little gently into you, chasing your own heart, tasting whatever was closest to the sun.

and then his lips are off of yours and the sun had set, but jean was still warm, a piece of his lungs stuck to your tongue and a piece of the sun stuck between his teeth. he'd keep it there.

[binniesbooks]

hi fayebae, imma send these before i go for my hiatus again(im not sure if you alr have smth planned for tyun n hyuka! cos i know u have a yj fic thats coming soon, so ill send these in for them)

was thinking of tyun x reader for this

uk the series “academy reincarnation”!! There was a salsa dance ep! I was thinking that reader decided to sign up to the salsa academy where tyun is one of the instructors?/student! reader wanted to learn salsa for the longest time but has always been afraid to as one would usually need to dance in pairs. afraid of having any physical contact with any stranger(due to a trauma she formed from a relationship), even tho it was difficult, reader eventually let down her walls with tyun as the many practice sessions go by, she finds herself now looking forward to salsa practices as thats the only time she can see tyun! And she craves his touch. During one of the practices, they got so lost in the dance that their faces ended up really close to each other! Tension arises(she wants him, he wants her, dare i say more 🤭smut of course!) [didnt wanna write too much to allow ur creative freedom!!]

i hope this is good gah(just thought i should send smth in for the other members too hehe, pls dont put aside ur wip again!! Do this after ure done w ur yj one gah) love u my soobie fav boobie💗

TENDER TOUCH

TH 002 .F22 2024

wc 5.3k

pairings gentle!Taehyun x abused!reader

warnings physical and sexual abuse, traumatic experience, traumatized reader, protected sex, abusive ex-boyfriend (idk what else did I miss)

faye's note *insert: Taehyun's 어디 있지 (where am I) in boba😳* as promised, here's my second fic for the day! this is my first Taehyun fic and I'm fucking obsessed that it got up to 5.3k words, wth. Anyways, @inkigayocamman I know you requested a Tae fic, but here's another one for u to enjoy I guess while I'm still working on it. 🙂‍↕️ I hope you like this too! And ofc, to my one and only Beomgyu's kitten, I love your brain, it's so sexy omfg. I'm totally sat. Plus yeah, the yj fic is still on the line. 🤣 Anyway, I did a few research(again) for this fic, so I hope it turned out good, fingers crossed!

Edit: Thanks for proofreading the whole ass fic @babymochibeargyu I'm dead now. 😭😂 luv uuuu 😖💓

"Learn how to dance Salsa, we offer multiple dance forms for beginners to professionals. Come join us..." You mumbled reading the flyer your friend handed you.

"Jia, you know I can't do anything like this anymore." You sighed as you handed her back the flyer.

"I know, I know, it's because of your trauma, right? But maybe this is the way that can only help you overcome that trauma," She started, "I'm worried about you taking this class but I'm more worried about you carrying that trauma all throughout your life." Jia gently holds your hand, still careful not to scare you with the skin contact.

You're lost in your thought for a while thinking if you can really let go of your trauma after all this time. It's been so long since you haven't engaged in any relationship after your last one.

"I-I'll think about it." You sighed, you really wanted to be free but you just didn't know how to start. "Please do, I really wanted to help you." Jia's eyes are full of worry, sadness and guilt. Because it's been so long yet she can't do anything to help.

You've always been wanting to learn how to dance Salsa. It's like your little dream ever since, however, your boyfriend from your last relationship did not even want you to be touched nor be grazed by any man's skin. You insisted you could just pair with a girl but he threatened you to hurt anyone who will be around you if you kept on insisting to register for the dance class. You ended up not registering for the class and burying your little dance dream into the depths of your heart.

The following week, you found yourself standing in front of the dance academy building. Breathing slowly, thinking deeply whether you really want to do it or not. You were clutching on the flyer tightly. Your knees fell weak as you stumbled down, retreating all the way to the confinement of your apartment to hide from the world.

It took so much courage for you to do this. Especially when you ended up trying once again a week later. You're standing in the front of the building, staring at the swaying banner of the academy with a "SALSA DANCE ACADEMY" written on it.

You softly knocked on the door before opening it. "Hi! Come in! How may I help you?" You were greeted with s young lady, clad in a salsa dance costume. She looks bright and bubbly.

"I.. Uhm.. wanted to register for the class." You meekly answered as you slid down on the chair. "May I know your name?" The lady picked up the pen on the table and grabbed a file.

"Y/n...y/n s/n." You silently answered.

"What class would you like to be included in?" The lady's smile never faltered. Her bright aura makes you feel comfortable for a bit. "What do you offer?" You asked back.

"Well, we have group sessions and we also have one-on-one lessons," you nodded at her, signaling her to keep going. "In group sessions, there will be 15 pairs -- 30 individuals in a class, plus the 2 dance instructors," you felt pressured with just the thought of being included in the group. "In the one-on-one class, we will find you a pair if you still have none, or you can bring one, and then also a pair of instructors," she explained.

"I'll take the latter."

"Please sign here and we'll wait for another one to sign up." She smiled again at you. You were thinking of bringing your friend to the class.

"By any chance, can I bring a girl for the one-on-one class?" Her expression suddenly turned sad, "I'm afraid we are only taking a man and a woman as a pair for the one-on-one class. Usually, the pairs who sign up for the one-on-one class end up acquiring advanced skills than those who are in the group."

You thought of backing out once again but you shook your head to clear your mind. You're already here, you're already a step closer to the most awaited time of your life: to let go of your trauma.

"We'll call you once we receive another sign-up for a one-on-one class. Thank you for dropping by." The lady waved her hand as you stepped outside.

You shrunk to the corner of the door, people are looking at you but you're too occupied to even give a damn.

It's been a week. You didn't know how to explain how you felt. Half of you felt happy that you hadn't received a call yet, because that would only means you didn't have to do it anymore and there wouldn't be anymore skin contact for you to trigger your trauma. However, the other half of you felt disappointed. You would have been lying if you said that you didn't get your hopes up, thinking that this would be the way to be finally free from your trauma.

"Still haven't received a call?" Your friend placed the pizza she brought on your coffee table. Today was the day she would usually pay you a visit to your apartment. She started doing this from 2 years ago, when you and your ex-boyfriend finally broke up.

You hummed in response as you dug out the box of pizza. Nevertheless, you don't want to bring your thoughts about the dance academy again.

A couple of minutes passed when your phone rang, causing both your heads to look towards your phone

"Hello?"

"Hi! Can I talk to Ms. Y/n s/n?" The voice over the line spoke brightly.

"Y/n speaking." You just answered back, looking at your friend who's anticipating a piece of good news.

"We just want to inform you that someone already signed up for the one-on-one class as your pair. The class will start this Monday, are you fine with it?" Your friend sighed in relief as soon as she heard it.

"O-okay. Sure." You felt a rush of anxiety travel throughout your body, as your fingers trembled hanging up the call.

"Hey, it's okay." Your friend wrapped the thick blanket around your shoulders before hugging you. Afraid that she might trigger your trauma. "You'll be fine." She tries to calm you down by rubbing your back.

2 days passed by quickly. Enough to make you coil up in bed instead of getting up. Your phone vibrates from an incoming message.

Dearest Jia: Take care later, okay? I know you can do it. I won't be able to go because of work, so I hope you understand:< but I'll pick you up when you're done! <3

You: I don't feel like going.

Dearest Jia: Noooo! You've come this far. You should go, I know you can do this!

You: Fine, I'll text you when I'm done with the class.

You tossed your phone on the bed as you grunt into your pillow. You're just glad your dance class starts at 3 in the afternoon. You still had a lot of time to prepare your body and mind.

Quarter to 3, you're already in front of the building, a few people going in at the same time. Probably for the group session. You wanted to go home but the lady called you out.

"Y/n! Please come in. I'll accompany you to the assigned room. I'm Daeun, btw." She extended her hand to you but you froze. You're too afraid. But someone else caught Daeun's hand. "I'm Taehyun, the one who signed up for the pair." A tall guy appeared on your side, shaking her hand. "I-i'm y/n." You meekly introduced yourself without touching any of them. The lady looked confused at first but she shrugged it off.

"Okay, I'll leave you two here, Mr. and Mrs. Hwang are inside already."

Taehyun pushed the door open, you were both greeted with a polished wooden floor and mirror walls in the wide room. Two people were sitting in the corner. They must be your instructors.

"Please come in!" The lady waved at the both of you.

"Do you know each other?" The man asked which the both of you only answered by shaking your head.

"I think we should start our class with an introduction. Don't you think?" The lady nodded.

"I'm Mr. Hwang and this is Mrs. Hwang. She's my wife and we mainly teach one-on-one classes. You are?" They turn their gaze to Taehyun.

"My name is Kang Taehyun. I also dance but not in this genre. So I wanted to learn this." They then looked at you.

"I... I am y/n. I signed up for the class t-to overcome my t-rauma." Your words are slurred, and your reason made your instructors gasp. "I-I used to be in a r-relationship. And t-they're the reason why I can't e-even touch people or let other p- people t-touch me." You bit your lip as you look up at them.

"Honey, but I'm afraid this dance requires a lot of holding and touching, what should we do?" Mrs. Hwang clasped both of her hands on her mouth as she turned a bit emotional.

"By any chance, can you hold someone when there's a barrier between them? Like, there is no direct skin-to-skin contact?" Taehyun spoke up, you nodded lightly at him. "It's been two years so I think I can tolerate it to an extent."

"Then I think we're good Mrs. Hwang. I'm thinking of using a glove or something. If that's what makes her comfortable. I don't mind at all." Taehyun remarked.

Taehyun ended up wearing gloves for your dance class. And as much as possible, he's avoiding any of your exposed body parts. He's also lightly touching you that you feel as though it's just air grazing your body.

So far so good, the 3-hour class ended up okay. Jia picked you up 30 minutes later after you texted her that you were done.

Your dance class went well the next day. And the day after that. And the following days after that. Days became weeks, weeks became months. It's all going well, with Taehyun's careful assistance over you.

Today was the day you decided to step further to your goal.

"Taehyun, I think we can now stop using the gloves. We've been dancing for a month now and I hate it whenever I think about the gloves. It feels like I'm being disgusted by you or something." You stated to Taehyun once the two of you were on a quick break. Within one month, you grew closer to Taehyun. The quick breaks were your time to tell stories to each other.

"Are you sure? You're not making me feel like any of that, by the way. But are you sure you can do it now?" His eyes seek yours. You simply nodded as you removed your jacket leaving you with your t-shirt on.

"Are you two, okay? Shall we continue?" Your dance instructor asked, checking on you, as you and Taehyun stood up. Taehyun discarded the gloves he was using on top of his bag as he folded his long-sleeved t-shirt up to his elbow.

You started off well. Taehyun holding your hand as gently as he could as usual. Letting you turn around with some quick footwork. It was all good actually, until he needed to lean in, holding your waist and your thigh. One more turn, his arms and fingers graze through your arms. His delicate fingers holding your waist once again. A quick turnaround. A step faster. A more closer proximity.

"You fucker! Come back here! I know what you did!"

"S-stop! We're already over Han!" You squealed as you blocked the door with your body.

"You're fucking dead meat when this door opens!"

Your tears wouldn't stop flowing from your cheeks as you kept your body pressed on the banging door. Han has been your boyfriend for 9 months now. At first, he was so good to you, treating you like the princess you deserved to be. But it was too good to be true that you started to feel it was wrong. Just 2 months ago he started hurting you physically and abusing you sexually. He was too obsessed with you too that he sometimes he would start locking you up in your apartment. Even your requests got declined. At first, you let it pass as you thought it was normal. But you started earning bruises and wounds. You barely ate, barely drank, you even barely slept. You would often get fevers too. The slightest noise would make your soul jump out and the slightest movement would make you flinch.

Jia, your friend, was the one who advised you to report him. So you did, that was why he was here banging at your door.

Han's voice can no longer be heard, hence you decided to quickly hide in your closet, as you dug out your spare phone you had hidden to contact your friend.

You quickly called Jia, telling her to call the police or something but you were cut off when the door bursts open. Han was holding a gun and laughing hysterically.

"Fuck you, you bitch! You're really dead!" You quickly covered your mouth.

"Come out, kitten. Come out from wherever the fuck you're hiding!" His voice echoed through the room drowning your quiet sobs.

That's when he forcefully opened the closet you're hiding. "Ohhh, you look so scared kitten, why?" He cooed at you as his lips stretched to form a mocking grin. "Move to the bed!" You shook your head. "Fucking move to the bed!" He fired a warning shot at the mirror, crashing it. You yelped at the noise. With your trembling body, you quickly scrambled your way to the bed covering your bruised-up body.

"Strip." He commanded as he pointed the gun at you. With no choice left, and your life at stake, you did what he ordered.

He crashed his lips on yours harshly. When he noticed you didn't kiss him back, he slapped you. Blood flowed through your lips as you choked on your sobs. With the gun still pointed at your head, he started harassing you again. His hand left a bruised mark on your neck as he tightly squeezes it. You could almost see the white light as your weak body just let him do anything. There was no use thrashing around as if you had accepted your dying fate.

"Freeze!" Was the only thing you heard before everything around you went black.

You opened your eyes inside the hospital, pulled every apparatus attached to your body and started screaming. It made Jia scream out and call for a doctor. They couldn't calm you down so they needed to give you a shot for temporary sleep.

Everything came swirling back to you. Pushing Taehyun away, causing your body to crash on the wooden floor. "Shit!" Taehyun cursed under his breath as he hurriedly pushed back his sleeves and wore the gloves again, picking up your jacket at the same time, before coming back to you. Your instructors let out a shock gasp as they also rushed over to you.

"Please grab a blanket or any thick clothing!" Taehyun shouts as he tries to ease you by covering your shoulder with your jacket.

Mr. Hwang passed Taehyun his padded jacket he always brought with him. Taehyun carefully wrapped the thick jacket around your body. He holds your face as he tries to soothe you.

"Y/n, look at me, please look at me." Sweat started to form on his forehead as tears freely flowed down your cheeks. "Please, look at me, and breathe slowly. Breathe slowly. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale." Taehyun guided your breathing as his glove-cladded hands rubbed your cheeks.

Mrs. Hwang was panicking but Mr. Hwang tried to calm her down before he went out to grab a glass of water.

Your heartbeat slowed down for at least a bit. Taehyun guiding you helped somehow as you slowly calmed down. Taehyun got the water from Mr. Hwang and held it in front of you as he let you sip on the water slowly.

"Are you feeling okay now?" Taehyun tucked your sweaty hair behind your ears. His eyes were full of worry. "Do you wanna go home and rest?" He's still carefully rubbing your shoulder. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have removed the gloves. That was too risky." Taehyun mumbled as he hesitated to hold your hand.

That same afternoon, he called your friend over. He introduced himself and explained the situation. He let your friend take you home as he bid you two goodbye. You're lucky it was Friday at that time so you don't have to worry about waking up the next morning to go to your dance class. For the next two days, you spent it caving in your room. It helped you calm down.

Monday. You opened the door. You laughed at the scene in front of your eyes.

"What's that?" You chuckled as you placed your bag on the corner. Taehyun looks at himself in the mirror. He's totally covered. He's wearing a thicker glove and a padded jacket. His usual dress pants are now sweats. He's even wearing a mask. He scratched the back of his head.

"Pft. That's too much. Don't worry I'm fine now. Thank you by the way." You smiled at him.

"Are you sure? Because that scared me. I don't know what to do." He removed his jacket along with the face mask and the thick gloves.

"Mhm, I'm sure." You assured him.

"Okay then. We'll try again. Slowly this time." His eyes are full of concern as he looks at you. You smiled at him as you accepted his hand.

For another month, Taehyun tried to connect with you. Stopping whenever needed. Wearing the things he needs to wear whenever he can sense your anxiety rising. For once, you realize how he gently holds you. How he's always careful with you, treating you like a fragile glass that would easily break if you weren't handled correctly. One month passed without much problem. If anything, you're actually growing accustomed to it.

For some reason, you learned to feel comfortable with Taehyun's touch. The graze of his skin, his fingers, and his touch never terrified you anymore, and his existence no longer made you panic.

Now, he's solely the reason why you're still attending your dance class. You're slowly putting your trust in him. You're slowly putting your walls down. He can now hold your hand without fear. He can now dance without thinking that you would startled. He slowly introduced you to the steps that requires your body to be closer. Teaching you how the steps are supposed to be done. You're no longer panicking. Even when your face is just only few inches from him, you were actually smiling at each other. You no longer feared his touch. If anything, he's only leaving you all tingly with his warm skin.

You could feel the warmth radiating off his body. Whenever you leaned on his chest, it made your heart flutter. His breath on your shoulder, your neck, any part of your body makes the knot in your stomach twist tighter.

You're slowly craving for his touch. For how he cares for you, for how he tends to you. Whenever you're home, he keeps popping into your head. How his sharky smile appears whenever he's happy. The small noises he made. His cat-like attitude. He's the perfect example of hot, sexy and cute.

Every last week of the month, you would have all the time to yourselves to gather all your skills acquired. Because every once a month, you had to show what you have learnt in class. This now left the two of you alone in the dance studio. Perfecting every step and move you needed to show on evaluation day.

Taehyun's lingering touches left you all tingly. His deep voice sent a shiver down your spine. His breath alone makes your mind go in a twist.

"One step back, two steps to the front... One turn and... Lean you down." He's matching his words on every beat of the step. You thought it only happens in a fantasy world. But it was like the world stopped when his eyes were fixed on yours. His steady breath makes you hold yours. His eyes traveled down to your lips as he gulped. He mumbles a soft "You're pretty," before pulling you back to stand on both your feet.

His hands are both on your face as he slowly backs you to the mirror. His breath is unsteady and warm. The moment he got you pressed on the mirror, he leaned his forehead on yours as he closed his eyes.

"You're really pretty. So pretty I'm afraid I can't control myself." He whispered. Your hands were on his chest, you felt how his heart was thumping so hard.

"S-should we head out early?" You whispered, your hot puffs of breath touching his lips got him reeling as he cursed under his breath.

He quickly pulls away, holds your hand and grabs both of your bags. Both heading outside to his car. "Tell your friend I'm taking you home instead." The air in the car throughout the drive was so thick. His hands were gripping on the wheels, tapping impatiently when the road slowed down.

"Calm down, Tae, I'm not going anywhere." You chuckled as you placed your hand above his when it was resting on the gear shift. He throws a quick glance at you. He bit his lip as a flush crept up on his cheeks.

The drive was short, but Taehyun's action made it look like it was not. He hurriedly got out of his car, running over to your side to open the door for you as he held your hand. His jittery steps were heavy as you both made your way to his humble home.

"Come in." He nervously spoke as he placed his shoe on the rack, switching the light on in the process.

"D-do you want a drink or something?" He was almost running towards the kitchen.

You flop on his couch, making yourself comfortable at some point. "Come here, instead," you chuckled, "You're so anxious for no reason, Taehyun." He sat down beside you, wiping his sweaty palms on his dress pants as he sighed. You scoot over, holding his face, lips just a few inches apart.

"Wait," he pushed you a bit, "a-are you sure about this?" You nodded and smiled at him. "G-give me a minute." He rummaged through his back pocket pulling a handkerchief. You looked at him confused.

He unfolded the handkerchief and gently placed the thin fabric on your lips before crashing his lips on yours. He holds your nape as he climbs up on the couch. He slowly laid you down. Lips unmoving, yet it feels so hot. His lips were just merely pressed on yours with the fabric separating both of your soft skin.

He pulled away, kissing your forehead. "I'm sorry." He whispered as if he was the one who did you wrong. You gently pull the handkerchief away as you tangle your fingers in his hair. Taehyun never failed to take care of you in the most gentle way possible. He's not thinking of his pleasure at this point. He's thinking about you. To the point that he even thought of putting a piece of cloth between your lips just to be able to kiss you.

You wanted to cry at how he's taking care of you. Your eyes welled up with tears as you pulled him back. "I'm good now Tae, thank you for taking care of me. There's no need for the hanky." You whispered before your tears rolled down your cheeks as you kissed him, bare.

He's a gentleman. He's too good to be true. But you let your walls fall down and let him enter. You let him protect you instead. But his hungry kiss spoke thousands of emotions. His kisses travel down to your neck.

"Taehyun..." You whimpered as you gripped his hair.

"A bit more... Just a bit more..." He started sucking and biting your neck and shoulder, leaving splotchy red marks. He pulls away for a while, enough time to tug your shirt off your body.

His fingers slowly traced every scar you have on your body. The marks on your chest from the bottle Han once threw at you. The cigarette burns on your stomach. He also pulled down your skirts only to see stitches from your thighs. You got this when Han pushed you down the stairs. His finger draws back to your lips. The scar from the cut when he slapped you is still visible.

You covered your face out of embarrassment. You no longer look pretty with your all bruised-up body. "We can't do this here." Taehyun got up and carried you all the way to his bedroom. He laid you carefully as ever in his bedroom.

The bed dips down at his weight as he kneels between your legs. His head dips down to kiss every scar you have on your delicate body as if he's kissing your trauma away. He took his precious time. Not wanting to scare or startle you at any point. His actions are being done with all tenderness.

"Do you still want me to continue?" He asks when he hovers above your body, his elbows on both sides of your head. "I want you Taehyun, please do..." You whined biting your lip. "How can I say no when you say it like that, sweetheart." He sighed leaning his forehead on yours again. Your arms crawled under his shirt, feeling his toned body hiding beneath the soft cotton shirt he was wearing. "C-can you take it off? I feel so exposed." You mumbled as you tugged his shirt. "Ah, shit, I'm sorry." He quickly backed up to discard his shirt on the floor.

You stared at him when he was all fours above you. His body is totally toned. You can clearly see the firm muscles on his arms. His buff chest and his perfectly defined abs. "Touch me. I won't stop you. Touch me so you won't feel embarrassed anymore. Touch me so you won't feel as if I'm taking advantage of you. Touch me so you won't feel scared." He grabbed one of your hands and placed it on his chest, slowly dragging it down to his abs.

When he lets go of your hands, you continue to drag them down to the waistband of his dress pants. "C-continue..." His eyes were shut close, his lips trapped between his teeth. You can clearly see his abs tightening as he clenches with the graze of your finger on his waist. He gulps when you hook your finger inside. You unhooked the clip that's binding his pants and pulled the zipper down. His breathing hitched at the lingering touches you're leaving on his lower body.

You gently stroked him as you looked for his eyes. His lips were swollen at how he was biting it. "You won't let it out?" You tried taunting him. "Fuck..." He lets go of his long-held breath, hissing through his teeth. "Y-you're making me crazy, sweetheart... You're totally making me crazy..." He huffed as he tucked your hair behind your ear.

"Condom?" You asked. He reached into the small drawer just beside your head, pulling out a packet of condoms. "D'you wanna p-put it in f'me?" His words were short, and he was catching his breath. You gently rubbed the head of his cock as you rip the packet with your teeth.

"S-sweetheart, you're... Shit... You're k-killing me." He shuddered when you pressed at his slit, his jaw clenched tightly, his hand grasping the sheets.

You slowly drag your fingers on his cock as you wrapped it with the condom. "T-take your time... I w-won't do anything to hurt you or...ahh... or m-make you s-scared of me." He's struggling to hold back but he's doing his best. As soon as you were done, you tangled your fingers on his again, pulling him for a kiss. A kiss full of care. Gentle. Delicate. Sweet.

He pulls away, caressing your face once more. He pulls your underwear in one swift motion as he lines himself up on you, slowly pushing in. He continuously soothes you by rubbing his thumb on your cheek. "Don't be scared, hm? I'm here. It's just me..." He keeps on mumbling, repeating the same phrase as you nod back at him.

Once he has bottomed out inside you, he stays still as he continues to plant soft kisses on your face. You were tearing up not because of the trauma anymore, but because of the love and care he's showing you.

He unhooked your bra as he gently groped your breast, his fingers flicked on your nipple as he suck on the other. "Mmm..." You whimpered underneath his big body squirming at how his tongue danced on your nipple. He didn't take long, afraid that he might hurt or trigger your trauma.

"C-can I move now? I might end up c-cumming now. You've been clenching f-for some time..." He muttered under his breath. You nodded and covered your face again.

He pulled both of your hands and intertwined your fingers with him above your head. "Please don't cover your face. You're beautiful. You're still pretty even with your scars. You're still gorgeous even with your fear and trauma. Please... Just let me take care of you. I know it'll be hard for you, but I promise. I promise to hold you dearly and cherish you." His eyes were looking for answers.

"Taehyun... Please... Please take care of me from now on. Please hold me when I feel scared... Make me feel loved..." Your silent weeps were drowned as he kissed your nose. "I'll be your peace, sweetheart." He wiped your tears as he slowly thrusts in you.

"I... I promise to hold you as gently as I can... But... I think I might end up g-going hard right n-now." He buried his face in the crook of your neck.

Your arms reached over his back as your nails dug and dragged over his bare back. "T-Taehyun..." You moaned out his name as you writhed in pleasure beneath him. The slow thrust becomes a little bit more sloppy. The skin slapping echoed through the solitude of his room.

"Fuck. Please forgive me if e-end up going t-too hard. But I promise to d-do my best to hold b-back." He grunted as his thrust went harder. You shook your head wanting him to go harder.

"I-i can't hurt you... I w-won't..." He steadies the way he thrusts inside you making the knot on your stomach tighten as you feel your high just around the corner.

You held him as if your life depended on him, "Taehyun... I'm close." "D-do it, sweetheart. I'm g-gonna cum any m-minute." He pressed his lips on you to drown your moans as you both came. He rubbed your waist as he soothed you before pulling out. Tying the condom and disposing it in the bin, zipping up his pants at the same time.

He bends down to kiss your forehead as he grabs a pack of wet wipes cleaning you up. He picked up his shirt and made you wear it. He finally laid beside you as he pulled you on his chest, running his fingers through your hair.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" He checks on you, to which you replied by shaking your head and a smile. "Sorry for going too hard, I did my best to hold back," he mumbled as he kissed the top of your head. "I'm okay Taehyun. Thank you so much." Your eyes finally close as his warmth embraces you. He hums while still hugging you close to him.

"Please rest now, sweetheart. When you wake up, you no longer have to suffer anymore. You're safe with me. You're finally safe with me."

@binniesbooks 2024

[avocado-writing]

I love love love your bg3 writing so much. I'm so glad i found your blog.

if you're comfortable writing about marriage, could you write the companions (minus lae'zel) reactions to a githyanki Tav proposing? like, Tav has done research into material plane customs and what marriage entails and has decided they want that with their love.

thank you if you do!! ♡♡♡

Astarion

A little baffled when he sees you get down to one knee so sincerely, thinking you can’t possibly be about to propose. That’s not a thing githyanki do is it? Gods, he should have asked Lae’zel…

Eyes widen when you produce the ring. Dead heart skips.

Is utterly bowled over that this is happening. That anyone would think he was worth proposing to, especially wonderful you.

You start a spiel about why you think you’d be a spouse he should consider, usual githyanki directness, and he cuts you off - “you don’t need to convince me, my sweet. The answer is yes. It’s always yes.”

You slide a ring onto his finger and he watches the way it sparkles.

You must have saved up for ages. He never thought he’d be deserving of something like this, but is going to try and see himself through your eyes from now on.

Gale

As you drop to a knee, he’s sorting through every piece of information in his head that he knows about githyanki, because you can’t possibly be about to —

Just stares for a moment when you bring out a ring. He sees your brow furrow.

“you are displeased.” Him, quickly, “no, no! Far from it! I’m just… surprised.”

”why would you be surprised, Gale? You are the most treasured thing in my life, and I believe this is how people in Faerûn seal that bond.”

He’s reduced to speechlessness at your sincerity. All he can do is nod and put on the ring, allowing you to scoop him up in your arms and kiss him over and over ❤️

Karlach

The second you drop to a knee she says yes.

“Karlach I believe I am meant to ask the question first—” “sorry, I got overexcited! do it properly then.”

”… will you marry m—“ “YES”

She grabs you and pulls you into her embrace, holding you in a bridal carry and kissing you deeply.

“Would you like to see the ring?” “There’s a ring too?!”

She’s so happy, man. You’re certain you’ve never made a better decision in your life.

“I researched into what gem would be preferred in a ring, and measured your gloves to get the size correct.” “You did all this for me? 🥹” “Karlach, you are worth moving the stars for.”

She goes around the camp showing off her ring. She can’t stop smiling all day ❤️

Shadowheart

Raised eyebrows when you kneel.

“Hmm, I wasn’t aware that githyanki knew of marriage.” “I didn’t. I read up about it. But I suppose if you’re against it—“ “no no, I didnt say that…”

Smiles when you drop to a knee again, pretends to be coy in her answer, but she knows she’d never say anything but yes.

You lay there with her that evening as she discusses all of the intricacies of planning a wedding, her hand tangled in yours, going into great detail about what she wants. Her face hurts by the time she falls asleep because she’s been grinning all day.

Wyll

He is so utterly surprised when you propose — but not for any untoward reason.

“Wait right there!” his face is so excited when he runs back into his tent, and when he re-emerges he has a ring box in his hand too.

“oh… is it custom for us both to have a ring when proposing?” “No, my darling. It’s just fortuitous luck that I was going to propose to you, too.”

“I see. So is your answer yes, then?” “Of course my love. A thousand times.”

You smile widely, and the two of you exchange rings, before he reaches over and kisses you sweetly.

Halsin

Is happy, but also wants you to know you don’t have to do this. That proposal might be a custom of this plane but if you aren’t certain, it isn’t something you have to do.

“I want this, Halsin. I have done my research thoroughly. I can think of nothing more joyous than being married to you. I do not enter into the lightly, and I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

He smiles so widely it threatens to crack his face in two. Lifts you in his arms and gives you a passionate kiss, assuring you that he will make you happy for the rest of his days.

Can’t stop looking at the ring on his finger. He’s an old elf, but he’s never felt more treasured in his life.

Minthara

Smirks. She knew this was coming.

Doesn’t say much, but confirms “you made the right choice. Yes. I will marry you.”

She scrutinises the ring as you slide it on your finger, but seems content. She keeps glancing down to how it reflects the light.

Proves just how pleased she is later that night in bed 😏

[vonbabbitt]

Throwing this in, though I know you have a post saying you're taking a break: I quite like Tetro. The story is exciting, and incredible. You've done an amazing job piecing everything together, and it has lead to me pretty seriously looking into following the footsteps of this project with a story also told in this audio format, since you demonstrated so clearly not only how this was possible, but how this could be done so well for a Killing Game specifically. The latest events, the latest death, as made me incredibly sad, and I feel a lot of emotional turmoil over losing both victims. But despite that, I have enjoyed the loving, losing, and worrying for the future. That's amazing. All of it is amazing. I have my theories and conclusions about who may be guilty and who isn't, but based on the posts I read, I mainly wanted to express an amount of thankfulness that the series exists at all. It's even lead to me writing fanpieces for some character interactions, and I imagine I have a few more in me from all that's gone on. Not only that, but the hard topics of this series have meant a lot to me. Yanagi and Tsuno have especially felt really close to home. The stories they talk about and the things they deal with matter in my own life. And the series as a whole has made me cry over stuff that mattered to me much more than any other media has done in the last year or so, maybe longer, in even broader strokes. All the characters don't just feel like people one could meet, but people I have met. People I have known. And some of those conversations feel just like ones I've had in my own life. You've done something incredible, and the writing has connected to me deeply. And though I can only speak for me, I doubt I'm alone in this. Thank you for this project, and thank you for sharing it so broadly, freely, and completely. Thanks for writing it, and writing daringly, maturely, and earnestly. At least, such are the ways I would describe it.

I hope I can cross paths with you sometime in the future over a creative endeavor. But in the meanwhile, I'll be tuned in to whatever you do for this, and for whatever comes next. As these things are called asks, if you do decide to respond: Who on Tetro is your favorite? Is it the same from when you were initially writing it? And what lead you to choose an audio drama as the medium in question? Thanks, and see ya at the trial.

thank you very very much, im extremely glad that youve been able to connect with my writing on that level and i hope that others have as well! i really enjoyed the writing process for tetro so its always really cool for me when others can enjoy my story as well

also, my favourite is hama! that changed a lot during production, but ive settled on hama as my goat forever i think. sorry to all the other favs i abandoned along the way

i chose the audio drama format because ive always really liked being able to picture things. when i was a kid, i used to fall asleep to audio books every night, and i really liked being able to picture the characters and stories as they were happening. i would always be so disappointed when id go to watch a movie adaptation of a book i liked only to see that everything looked different from in my head lmao.

i also think audio is a really fun format for this type of story! it was a fun challenge to get my points across without having visuals to back my writing. i didnt have very much faith in my ability to do this at first. tetro was originally planned to have a narrator because i didnt think id be able to tell a story without one. when i realized my writing could stand on its own, i took out the narrator and just let myself carry it as best i could. i think it made for some really fun opportunities where the impact of a scene just wouldnt have been nearly as strong if there had been visuals or narration.

i think [Ice Fairy] is a highlight of tetro in terms of audio storytelling - same with [Good Child]. having only audio forces you as the viewer to take a moment to figure out what's happening, which in turn gives you an "oh shit" realization moment that really helps the impact of a scene like [Ice Fairy] or [Good Child]. there are still some more really cool examples of tetro utilizing its format left to come - i hope you enjoy them when they do!

[sikyulioness]

Hi hi! If its cool, could you write something about Jinwoo with timid!reader. Like theyve known eachother for years and as Jinwoo gets stronger, reader lets themselves drift away since they didnt want to be a burden. As a farewell, readwr gives him a letter, a love confession, before running off emabressed?

Thabk you!

✨Hope you like it✨

________

"If Only You Knew"

The ink smudged slightly under your fingertips, your trembling hands making the already delicate handwriting uneven. You swallowed hard, staring at the words you had rewritten over and over again, trying to find the perfect way to say goodbye.

But there was no perfect way, was there?

You had known Sung Jinwoo for years—before dungeons, before Hunters, before the world decided that power was everything. Back when he was just Jinwoo, the boy who smiled at you through his exhaustion, the boy who always tried his hardest, even when the world was unfair to him.

But as he changed, you remained the same.

Jinwoo had grown into something more—stronger, faster, untouchable. The world looked at him in awe, in fear, in reverence. And you? You were still just you. No magic. No power. No place in his new life.

So you let yourself drift away.

Not because you wanted to. God, you wanted to stay by his side more than anything. But you didn’t want to be a burden, the weight that held him back. You convinced yourself that this was the right choice, even as loneliness hollowed out your chest.

But even if you left, you wanted him to know.

So you wrote this letter, pouring out everything you had kept locked inside. And now, standing outside his apartment door, your hands clenched around the folded paper, your heart pounded so hard you felt dizzy.

Would he even care? Would he read it? Would he laugh?

You shook your head. It didn’t matter.

With a deep breath, you raised your fist and knocked.

The seconds stretched unbearably long before the door finally creaked open.

Jinwoo stood there, fresh out of a shower, his damp black hair tousled, a plain black shirt clinging to his frame. His golden eyes widened slightly at the sight of you, surprise flickering across his usually unreadable expression.

“Y/N?” His voice was warm, familiar, and hearing it made something in your chest ache.

You panicked.

Your mind screamed at you to run, but your body refused to move. Instead, you thrust the letter into his hands, bowing deeply to hide your burning face.

“T-thank you for everything, Jinwoo. I—I hope you’ll be happy.”

And then you turned and ran.

“Wait—Y/N!” His voice carried after you, but you didn’t stop.

Not when tears were already slipping down your cheeks.

Not when your heart ached with the knowledge that this was goodbye.

Not when you were too afraid of what his answer might be.

---

Jinwoo’s Reaction

Jinwoo stared at the letter in his hands, his fingers tightening around the edges as the sound of your footsteps faded down the hallway.

His heart pounded for reasons he couldn’t explain.

You had been avoiding him. He noticed. How could he not? The missed calls, the unanswered messages, the way you started slipping away every time he reached out. At first, he thought you were just busy. Then, he convinced himself that maybe you just needed space.

But when you stopped showing up altogether, when he realized he hadn’t seen you in weeks—no, months—he knew something was wrong.

And now, out of nowhere, you were here. Giving him a letter. Looking like you were on the verge of crying. Saying goodbye.

A sinking feeling settled in his stomach.

Without thinking, he tore open the envelope and unfolded the paper, his eyes scanning your familiar handwriting.

Jinwoo,

By the time you read this, I’ll probably be gone. I’m sorry for leaving like this, but I don’t think I could say this to your face without completely embarrassing myself.

I’m so, so proud of you. You’ve grown into someone incredible, someone the whole world admires. You’re strong, fearless, untouchable. And I… I’m just me.

I don’t belong in your world anymore.

I kept telling myself that leaving was the right choice. That you didn’t need someone like me slowing you down. But the truth is… I don’t want to leave. I want to stay by your side. I want to see you smile, to hear your voice, to know that even as you stand at the top of the world, I can still be someone important to you.

But I’m scared.

Scared that you don’t need me anymore. Scared that if I stay, I’ll just be a burden. Scared that you’ll look at me one day and realize I’m nothing compared to the people who belong by your side.

So this is my goodbye.

But before I go, I need you to know one thing.

I love you, Jinwoo.

I always have.

I always will.

Even if you never feel the same, even if you forget me, even if I become just another face in your past—I will always love you.

Be happy, okay?

- Y/N

Jinwoo’s hands clenched around the paper, his vision blurring as something in his chest twisted painfully.

You idiot.

Did you really think he didn’t need you? That you weren’t important? That he could just forget you?

A sharp, desperate urgency surged through him. He didn’t care if it was late. He didn’t care if he had to search the entire city. He refused to let you disappear.

Crumpling the letter in his fist, Jinwoo grabbed his jacket and ran.

---

The End

[ja3yun]

welcome back aj 🫶🏻 i missed you so much and i was in so much shock when you deactivated

you don't have to answer this but why did you leave?

i miss you guys too! i'll answer this ask and then get to the others later (im cherishing these deeply) since i owe you all some semblance of an explination...

i'll put it under the cut but i will warn you that i will be speaking about mental health and eating disorders briefly - i want to be open and honest with you all so we can start fresh and i can put this past year behind me and not explain it more than once - so no need to read if it makes you uncomfortable <33

when i took my break just before i deactivated, i weirdly felt obliged to keep posting anyway, like with my blog there and the one year anniversary coming up/5k followers, i was putting pressure on myself to just get over the rest i was taking and post. that was completely my bad and its a standard i set for myself - if you followed me last time, you'll know i posted almost every week or at least every month.

but i took the break because my mental health was at an all time low, i had so many horrible thoughts swirling around my head that i wont share, but they were bad, my ed has come back and i'm still working on it now icl, but esp then i was exhausted and running on empty - literally stopping me from doing anything. i would get up, go to work, come home and just try to find joy in anything to keep me going and at that time, writing wasnt one of those things. and that made me even sadder because i love to write, its been my happy place for years so...with my blog hovering over me, the pressure just got too much - plus pair it with the hate asks, death threats, and toxic environment that this site had become, i made the decision to just delete everything - no blog, no pressure.

i've worked on myself over the past month, therapy, medication, clinics are all in full motion and i cannot tell you how much better i feel. even just knowing i'm helping myself has completely turned me around and although i'm still struggling somewhat with everything, i feel like i'm in a good place to start doing what i love again.

i should have made this post before deleting my blog, and i'm so sorry that i didn't. tbh i didnt think anyone would notice or care this much 😭 i'm also extremely sorry to those who wished to finish my series' or recent fics - but i had to delete it for me to get past all of this. i will reupload eventually with slight revamps!

everyone has been so kind and i love you all so much, trust me when i say people have told me the posts and love you guys shared about my works and it really means something to me. now i'm taking this blog at a much softer pace, so i wont be posting as much, but i will try my best.

[atoriv-art]

Heeyyy so sorry if this has been asked before buuuttttt.. What are ur thoughts on the sand siblings?

this made me realize i didnt include their rs in the chart i posted REST ASSURED I LOVE THEM. anyway hehehe :3

a lot of my takes on them are headcanon-based (like even more than the hyugas id say) But i assume thats what people r here for anyway. Sooooo

i really like the suna siblings bc their relationship pre-chunin exams is very, like… dysfunctional, but at the same time stable? temari and kankuro are obviously afraid of their brother, and gaara is deeply unhappy around them, but they've all clearly found a "safe" position to exist in yk?

my read on those positions is that temari actually feels more conflicted about gaara than you would think — she's the oldest and therefore the one most aware of how 'wrong' their family is — but she puts her and kankuro's safety first, therefore she resorts to appeasing gaara and generally staying out of his way. kankuro is more of a show-off and while he is afraid of gaara, it's in a more grounded way, if that makes sense? he taunts him like one might taunt an angry dog, he's afraid of him because of what he can do, vs temari who dreads being around him because she's aware of what gaara carries on his shoulders and Represents

i actually 👉👈 have a suna family-centered fic i've been slowly working on 👉👈 that ive been too shy to mention on main LMAO but since we are on topic here u go [link]. it's yashamaru-focused (my WIFE) but it brushes upon the entire family :3 it'll be slow to update since i've been busy with things but if u don't mind that. i mention it here since i use the extrapolations im mentioning here to write it….

aaaanyway. the kids' relationship with rasa isn't very defined (esp for kankuro and temari) but i interpret their situation as the classic… yk, father lost his soul after the mother died sort of thing. it's a bit cliche but it makes sense LOL while the only kid we know for sure rasa was cruel towards is gaara i don't find it a stretch to expand it towards the other two, even if it wasn't as extreme.

so, with that in mind: my personal interpretation is that temari — in addition to getting the usual heir responsibilities — got put into a caretaker role for kankuro, pushing her towards cynicism and self-preservation above all else (she's also the one most likely to remember their mom, and an early loss like that can push one into hyper-independence), while kankuro was left with a bit less pressure but as a tradeoff grew hungry for acknowledgement, eventually feeding into him becoming a bit of a bully as he gets older. i think he was the one with the most... "normal" relationship with their father, but i wouldn't necessarily say that's a good thing lol

gaara is in a unique position because he was not fully raised by rasa, and his relationship with him is a lot more shallow and extreme as a result. instead gaara ended up being built into who he is almost exclusively through yashamaru's kindness and subsequent betrayal — and this is only accentuated imo by the fact that gaara does not (iirc?) at any point willingly bring up yashamaru. he badmouths his father and blames him for who he is, but the formative moments of gaara's childhood that we see are of him with his uncle. isn't that interesting? to me it reads like that's still a wound so deep he can't even bear to acknowledge it; rasa treats him like a monster so gaara is free to spit poison back at him in return, but gaara did wholeheartedly believe his uncle loved him at a point, and the idea that he did not was so world-shattering that he can't even bring himself to acknowledge his existence

all that being said, gaara as we meet him in the exams treats his siblings like strangers and i can't fully blame him for that; while the compounded traumas of 1. losing their mother and 2. the shift in rasa's disposition, cannot be understated, i think what truly "broke" the siblings' dynamic is the way gaara was likely forced into kankuro and temari's lives after yashamaru died. while they'd certainly met before, there's a world of difference between knowing you have a distant, troubled younger brother vs having that brother violently placed into your home in his most vulnerable state after another familial loss.

(yashamaru's rs with his other niblings is never really touched upon but i do think about it often. he was so close to their mom i doubt they had no relationship at all! but that's. you know. what the fic i mentioned is for.)

it inherently puts the kids into an adversarial position, especially with how rasa doesn't try to argue for gaara's humanity. so gaara, freshly traumatized and distrusting, is met with siblings who are terrified of him and a father who he knows wants him dead. to make things worse, yashamaru (my king.) made sure to crush whatever goodwill gaara still had towards the world before he died, so there's no part of him willing to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. no one has any interest in fixing this situation so this is the dynamic they settle into.

yet! they are still family and there are certainly glimpses of that. one of my favorite moments is temari looking out for gaara for, in our pov, the first time

it's really simple but it always gets an emotion out of me, it's why i think their relationship bothered her the most… one of my biggest gripes with the suna siblings is honestly that we just don't get a lot of them after a point! i would have loved to see them getting closer after gaara takes the first step in closing the distance.

kazekage retrieval arc is easily one of my favorite arcs in naruto it's soooo sweet to see kankuro and temari fighting so so hard for their baby :( i really like the quiet moments where you can tell there's still a lot of guilt over how things were, i wish we got to sit with it a little more because part of the reason i like their bond so much is because of those moments of doubt, you know? i think it's far more powerful for gaara to wonder if he's been fully forgiven, for temari to grapple with the guilt of not having been a good sister to him, than for them to easily slip into a healthy and stable dynamic as a trio.

how do they feel about their father? their mother? how do they feel about their uncle? they are three different people with similar but not identical experiences with all of them, and it makes you wonder how they might navigate unpacking all of that while not jeopardizing their fledgling bond. for example i'm personally a huge fan of gaara coming to view his uncle in an imperfect but ultimately empathetic light, while his siblings see little reason to extend him so much grace.

their personalities in shippuden make a lot of sense to me taking their upbringings into account too; kankuro and temari are predominantly rasa's children, and therefore have rougher edges and are way more averse to earnest displays of affection. gaara meanwhile had yashamaru's influence in his formative years; he knows how to articulate his emotions and acknowledges the importance of sincerity and kindness. i dunno if this was intentional but i think it's a neat detail!

soo much of the suna family follows this pattern of love breeding resentment (rasa's love towards karura breeding resentment against gaara, yashamaru's love towards karura breeding resentment against gaara and rasa, gaara's love towards his uncle being twisted into hatred against the world, the siblings' love for each other being corrupted then saved) it's sooo. chef's kiss. again my only complaint is that we don't see more of them. literally who cares about konoha i want to be in suna forever

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

👁️👁️🔂👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️

cringe at myself.....,.....

im aa FOOOOOLLLLLLLL 🫥

Sometimes i think, im a real artist or something..

But whats even real about me? everything i do only exists online

majority of it being on TUNBLR of all places.

fragile fucking tumblr.

my entire life is my imagination and fantasies my entire life is a thoughtform. how can i be a real artist if im barely even a real person in "reality".

not even banishedgirl but intangible girl.

The other day, when i posted about how i want to use the inter net less but im too lonely to stop, i feel it came back to bite me today, in a way i didnt want at all, for the short time my blog was gone, and this brought to my attention, how truly deeply foolish i am

i could disappear so fast like nothing because its all just 👉🧠💭 up here

Even tho my blog is back now. i cant get that feeling off of me. Like yeah there no reason my blog would actually be deleted, unless you know like, tumblr just got discontinued as a website. Which is not an unlikely scenario. i often wonder how long they'll keep paying for these servers. We saw what happened with myspace...

if tumblr was gone, id really be GONE gone

like. i dont exist.

sick to my stomach all day. even if i export my blog and put it on a hard drive ... does it even matter? it literally is not even "matter" it is pixels it is thin air.

How do i be a real girl in the real world

in utena , the "real world" is actually all an illusion. and i believe that to be true for our world too. In a way ive always believed my fantasies and spirits are more real than my body

But i still do want to exist here. i almost have to live in denial about this to stay sane. But i want to exist forever. i want a normal life and friends. i want normal things.. its disgusting.. i feel sick!!!!! im so happy but im so miserable. i love myself but im so insecure. i dont understand anything. i resent fakeness but im fake too. im all just words and space and airy air air

How do i change my life how do i stop yearning to Prove that i exist..... Why do i want to prove it so bad

WHY DID I HAVE TO BE CONFRONTED W THIS TODAY WHAT AM I BEING CALLED TO DO

Like dude i am already going thru it lately. i didnt need any more crisisfuel.

IDK i have to believe its some kind of catalyst to save myself , lest i succumb to the void

it has to show me something i needed to see.

Stuff like this makes me want to disappear in a way that i have total agency over. (Not like in a killing my self way but just in a going away way.) Thats not practical though is it i know thats my evil side talking.

trapped in a sticky web trapped in this glue trap thats what gets me all defiant.

the book im reading rn is from the 70s. i wish i was writing books not posts... i wish i was meeting people in real life the way the author describes in the book. I know the vainly imagined past doesnt hold all the answers either. Good chance i wouldve been institutionalized for woman hysteria or st. But i dont like whats happening here i dont feel natural at all. And its not just me who feels it, clearly.

if only i could be the one who finds comfort in impermenance.

do i accept what im dissatisfied with, do i try to change, or both, or neither?

i am sad

i am existentially disturbed

and i am fucking arrogant 🥴

for wanting to be real.

FUCK!!!!! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[half-shadowgalra]

PJO friendship headcannons dump (no specific order)

(this includes part of my AU where Bianca grows up btw)

this got really long :/

so I’m just gonna make a quick list of the dynamics, then put a “keep reading” thing in case anyone wants to see the explanations for my friendship dynamics even further :)

I’ll also probably make a part two talking about more of the dynamics with the Argo II crew and maybe some MCGA characters :3

Rachel x Will Solace friendship

Will x Drew Tanaka friendship

Nico x Rachel friendship

Bianca x Rachel friendship

Bianca x Will x Michal Yew trio

Bianca x Will friendship

Bianca x Michal Yew friendship/situationship

Lou Ellen x Cecil X Will Solace trio

Kayla x Austin x Will sibling Trio

Bianca x Kayla x Nico trio

Bianca x Austin x Nico trio

Rachel x Will Solace friendship : they are both bi in my heart and there is no more iconic duo than a twink and a red head (they also both love the connection and found family of being at camp half blood, rather than just seeking all the negatives

Will Solace X Drew Tanaka friendship : they can both bond over almost their entire cabin dying, Will calls out Drew when she gets a bit snippy and helps her calm down, Drew drags Will away from the infirmary when he’s over working himself and they go do skin care together (I also like to think when they were like twelve or something they dated each other for a bit because they thought that’s what boys and girls HAD to do, but then realized they were better off as friends, and stayed as friends)

Nico x Rachel friendship : they both like painting (artist Nico is cannon in my brain and no one can tell me otherwise) they paint stuff together, they bond over the commonality of both having a crush on Percy at one point, Rachel is yet another older sister figure for Nico but she’s more of the older sister who wouldn’t mind blowing something up with him, or getting into danger with him, so just doing stupid shit with him

Bianca x Rachel friendship : they are both crazy, plus sized, girlies, who like women, are opposed to having sex, like to draw, and drastically change their hair when they have a mental breakdown, and no one can tell me otherwise

Bianca X Will X Michal Yew trio : they hung out together all the time before the battle of manhattan, Michal introduced Bianca to rock music, Will introduced Bianca to Alt country, Chappell roan, Conan Gray, and a bit of Taylor swift, and both Michal and little Will taught Bianca that transgender ppl exist since both Michal and Will in my brain are trans-masc

Bianca X Will friendship : they’re the kinda friends where they hang out with each other so much, and are so open with each other to the point where most ppl think they are dating each other. They are not. And whenever someone asks if they are they think it’s the funniest thing ever. They both were parentified from a young age, they both feel the need to give all of them selves and all of their time and all of their resources and energy to others. Have both masked from a young age. Both are just tired. Both are autistic but mask 24/7 and only really peel back the mask when they are around each other(or Those they really really deeply trust)

Bianca X Michal Yew friendship/Situationship : they are besties, both do archery together, both deeply care for one another, and both just click with one another. They just work. They are both curious about how the other experiences the work and both could just talk for hours to each other. Michal was the first trans person Bianca met, and after that secret was shared they talked about everything with each other. Bianca didnt really trust men or guys all that much but (just to be clear, before she knew Michal was trans) she always felt safe around him. She thought she had a crush on Michal, when in reality they were just really good friends, but she didn’t know what love felt like, and she really liked this guy, and girls are supposed to like guys, so might as well give it a shot? They didn’t tell anyone they dated, and their relationship didn’t even really change that much, just had a different label

Lou Ellen x Cecil x Will Solace trio : they are queer besties who get into mayhem with each other and just roast each other, like all the time. Their friendship is just making fun of each other and it’s beautiful. Lou Ellen in my brain is a Demi-romantic Lesbian, and Cecil in my brain is an Aro-Ace little gremlin, that’s just why I stated they are queer besties :)

Kayla x Austin x Will sibling trio : they just are best friends, they are besties that are all a little weird in their own way. Austin likes rocks/geology to a slightly concerning degree and is obsessed with Hamilton. Kayla is pan with a fox fursona and a lot of the time wears furry ears and tails outside of the cabin. And Will (obviously) loves anything sci-fi and (this is my headcannon part) has read all of the twilight books multiple times because they are so bad it’s hilarious. (And no one can tell me otherwise) they also bounce their interests off one another until they are all screaming, dying laughing, on the floor in tears.

Bianca x Kayla x Nico trio : they are all queer, feral, punks who love to annoy the shit out of Will and Austin. Kayla also explained to Nico and Bia what the furry fandom is. Bia and Kayla both practice archery together. Also Kayla convinced Nico to make his own fursona. This dynamic just makes me happy okay. Kayla also accidentally came out to them as trans fem and expected them to be a bit weirded out because 1930’s. But neither of them really cared that much. Bia already knew that trans ppl existed and Nico was very much in the “so… you’re still a girl? Nothings changed? Got it” camp

Bianca x Austin x Nico trio : they talk about nuclear physics, rocks, and dinosaurs with each other. I’m giving no further explanation for that. They also scream musicals together, more specifically Hamilton, they love Hamilton

[bulbabutt]

Thank you for being a bastion of sanity amidst the growing "but proshippers! But incest! But RPF!" purity culture's nonsense.

I'm so tired of being afraid to admit that I've even read a fanfic/fancomic because that same person might have a DIFFERENT ACCOUNT where they indulge in a problematic ship. And therefore they are "bad" and by association, I could be labeled "bad" for having looked at something completely unrelated and tossed on a block list.

It's asinine. Yet I'm too afraid to even get off anon because I know I don't have the mental fortitude to survive a potential online witch hunt.

So thank you, I wish you all the strength to keep screaming the words I cannot.

honestly youre not the first person to send me an anon about this, i just tend to feel just as afraid of responding to them as much as you are afraid of coming off anon. i think because while ill post things in vague context, it becomes another thing when someone says it out loud, yknow? but i appreciate it, knowing im not just screaming into a void where no one likes what i have to say.

i think what i will say is im not the only one who THINKS like i do, but i am just dumb enough to be loud and annoying about it. its kind of a thing where i'd never say anything specific because like... some people are so vicious and will demand blood if they get a whiff if i mention anything vaguely. the fact i have to be afraid to say 'people dont mind' for their own safety is crazy, huh?

i think that thing youre saying about being worried by association from association was the same first time i had this thought. i was reading something so good so deep something that effected me so deeply from how well it was talking about the realistic effects of incestuous abuse, and then i went to see what else the author had written and i was like. oh. theres just regular incest in here too. and that was kind of a moment of hm.. perhaps i need to think more about what really matters here. the fact i can engage with what i want and just say 'oh i see what else you do, thats not for me so i will just not engage with that'

so it hurts worse when theres the idea of someone engaging with art they like that has nothing 'weird' going on, then suddenly getting hit with screaming that that artist has a side account theyre not advertising where they make weird art that they are keeping FULLY separate from the account in question. like i do not see how that helps anybody in that situation.

then theres the generalization of it. the idea that maybe all you did was draw like. 19 yr old versions of two 15 yr olds kissing, and suddenly that gets you put on a list of people who will draw literal children in sexual situations, gets you put in that same boat without question. that shit is so cruel to me, that these things all get painted with the same brush. equally as bad, equally as deserving of being ostracized. or the idea that you get put on that list for not caring about if strangers ship things on the internet, makes you just as bad as someone who makes it. i really just hate this entire culture.

idk im... old school i guess? back in my day youd watch a shitty cartoon that had over 20 characters in it so you could smash them together in whatever ship suited you. crack ships were the bread and butter of me and my friends, shit that made no sense but in your own head. the idea of being anti... shipping at all is so... thats very weird. shipping as a thing is very much what fandom was ever made for in the first place? like. im not kidding, learn your history if you dont know that (middle age women shipping kirk and spock)

back when i was a kid i watched this tv show called kim possible, and i was a kid who didnt know shit about themselves seeing a pretty villain lady for the first time who called the main character who was a girl princess. i didnt know what to make of that, i didnt know the age difference between them i was a dumbass child, they were both drawn the same way! then im like 12 years old on the internet, i see theres a ship of the teenage girl and this like 30 yr old villain woman. do you think my 12 year old self saw the problematic nature and thought deeply about the morals of said ship? no. i was like 'holy shit i wish i was the teenage girl dating shego. why do i like this? oh god im a lesbian'

again. i was a child. what are you gonna do, go back in time and arrest my 12 year old ass for looking at pg rated fanart of women kissing on the internet? we didnt HAVE real representation yet! there was no korrasami, no rupphire, no bubbline, no lumity! shipping was the only place you could see stuff that was gay! and it being GAY would get you in more trouble than it having an age gap!

the fact is people WOULD cancel me now for that, wouldnt you?! thats where we're at. that IS a problematic ship, id be put on a blocklist in todays internet for being a child who crushed on villains. i didnt make it, i didnt create for it, i just looked at it and that would get you in trouble now!!! thats crazy.

i know thats a random tangent to go off on, but like..... hhhhh i dont know man. sometimes it seems like people want the internet to pass by broadcasting standards and practices and thats!!! bad!!! let people experiment with their weird shit as they figure themselves out, its so fucking normal. youre not a bad person for looking at things on the internet, youre not a bad person for engaging with things, youre not a bad person for being horny online! especially if you make your own fucking space for it?? a space easily blacklistable, with trigger warnings and EVERYTHING... we didnt have those when i was a kid, so some things are better, but culture is just worse.

i dunno. i just think i would not have thrived in this environment as a teenager. im glad im old and know better, but i worry about the lessons kids are learning from this. to feel ashamed, to bottle shit up, its not good for you. be kind to yourself, be kind to others. we're all working through shit in our own ways.

sorry for another long annoying post

[11queensupreme11]

Hey!! I’m back😭😭😭was on vacation after my brutal exams!!! I passed!! But it was INTENSE! Anyway, I just read ur recent chapter and OMFG!!! WTF!! That was literally insane!! It felt like I was reading pure cinema! Like, I completely didnt think u were gonna have Demeter just straight up deleted like that💀💀😂😂.

(Although, not to be a hater, but she lowkey had it coming… I mean…that’s POSEDION’s daughter ur messing with hun. How else did she thing this would go?)

On that note, I DO feel a little bad for Persephone (only a little, tho, because who basically tries to get their cousin “date-raped” by their uncle so that they can get out of their own marriage 😑. Like girl don’t piss me off 😤👏) at the same time tho. Even tho I didn’t really like him, Zagreas (totally butchered that spelling😭😭) was still her son and I can imagine that no mother wants to have to chose between their kids like that.

(Even if she did have it coming)

With that thought tho…it does lead me to wonder…

If, hypothetically, Percy was ever put in a situation where she has no (absolutely NO) way to save all her yan children which group of kids would she choose to spare amongst the yan children?

Personally Im thinking…

Chances of survival (which group of Percy’s children is she most likely to chose all the way to least likely):

1: Anthonius kids (obviously)

2: Apollo kids- okay so I actually have a reason for this!!! Personally from what I can remember of past asks. Of all Percy’s children the Perpollo kids are the most likely to not turn out complete psycho’s like the rest of the yans because their dad actually raises them like a normal parent would. Apollo has experience with raising children too! And almost all of them were raised to be decent people. So their kids will have the most stable (as stable as it can get for a god I mean) household out of all the yans and are the least likely to be overly violent and sadistic.

3: Anubis kids- same as above^ honestly I think that Anubis’s kids will be pretty chill most of the time, like their father (unless extremely provoked), and stay pretty low key. They might be a little spoiled because Anubis seems like the type but not overly so. Like Apollo he also has experience so I think that their kids will turn out better than the other yans kids and I can’t see Percy as being the type to hate her children solely for their father’s actions towards her

4: Hades Kids- same as above.

5: beelzebub Kids- this is where things start to get…interesting. Percy loves all her kids but I’d imagine her kids with beelzebub will have it rough in a situation like this because if their anything like Beel… I’d imagine that they flip flop between cruelty, sadism, and/or indifference

6: Poseidon kids-bruh💀💀. With the way Poseidon be raising kids Percy would be lucky if they weren’t all sadistic monsters. She’d love them DEEPLY (I just don’t think she would LIKE them very much, you know?)

7: Loki kids- same as above

———————————————————-

8:Cu kids- I don’t know too much about their children yet but I don’t think they would be too bad so TBD

omg hey i missed you 🥺💖 i feel like it's been forever omg 😭😭

about your question, it reeeeaaaaally depends on the kid SPECIFICALLY in most cases. like for example, not ALL of poseidon's kids will be evil menaces.... or at least maybe not to a high degree lol, but since we're going my majority i'll judge them based on which yan dad are the most likely to have mostly unhinged kids 😂

1: anthonius obviously 💖 there's no damn way percy and anthonius would ever raise their kids to be evil, they would literally be the most normal, kindest, and empathetic of the bunch

2: cú chulainn! ok so i don't have much on sécy kids yet, but i plan on giving them more daughters and he sucks at handling girls cuz he's too clueless (he'll try tho!). but tbh, i think even the sons would just be huge assholes then psychos really 😅

3: anubis!!!!! you saw how he is with kebi, he's a really good dad 🥹 and he listens to percy (mostly) so he won't corrupt the kids too much.....

4: apollo! as long as they don't fall in love 💀

5: hades! hades is a decent dad so they won't be that bad.....

THE ABSOLUTE WORST WHERE PRETTY MUCH 90% OF THE KIDS ARE SHIT

6: loki. this guy is fucking crazy and unstable. YES HE IS A GOOD DAD but holy shiiiiiiit is he a bad influence on his kids

7: poseidon 💀

8: beelzebub 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀