#because I did walk on a broken foot for like a week and just bitched my foot hurt

[voidthewanderer]

Only I would manage to drop a whole ass box of aloe juice on my foot and not feel the pain of it until the end of my shift.

[queers-gambit]

Lost and Found

prompt: ( requested ) you're just friends, but on your first night at Saltburn, you get lost in the vast halls and accidentally walk in on lover boy after a bath. he wants you to stay.

pairing: Felix Catton x female!reader

fandom masterlist: Saltburn

word count: 3.6k+

note: this SHOULD'VE gotten slutty, but it DIDN'T because i'm back in the hospital and the LAST thing i need is a nurse walking in on me writing fucking smut - oh, my God, can you imagine? new fear unlocked!

warnings: RIP Queen Lizzie, cursing, sexual tension, emotions are hard, Lord's name in vain, depiction of mental illness (anxiety), author throws in a little personal detail cause writing is therapy.

"Honestly, who lives in a place like this? The bloody Queen, that's who. Her and all her fucking rooms! Jesus!" You grumbled, dipping down another winding hallway. "All right, this looks familiar, that's... Encouraging, right?" You frowned, glass of water in hand after venturing to the kitchen to fetch it - but now, you couldn't navigate your way back to your room. "Of course," you growled quietly, opening a door and finding a linen closet.

How silly, in a place like this! A fucking linen closet!

You huffed and shut the door, feeling incredibly awkward and terribly misplaced. You mind screamed that didn't belong here, you never should've set foot in a place like this! How fucking foolish you felt, like a silly little girl who was just excited her crush spoke to her, let alone invited you home with him for the summer holiday.

But it was Felix fucking Catton - certified enigma. He was all man with a boyish charm who smiled at you on move-in day at Oxford and sealed your fate. He was ridiculously nice, so very sweet, borderline annoying with his giving nature and kindness. He was loyal to a fault, intuitive, observant, admirably carefree, and so very happy to give his love to anyone who needed it. For a few weeks, you felt almost offended by his attention, wondering what kind of broken soul he thought you were; knowing he had an affinity for "damaged" or "broken" things.

At least, that's what his cousin, Oxford's registered and certified catty bitch, Farleigh Start, teased you about relentlessly when he noted the way Felix hung around you. Felix invited you out with friends, offered to study together, walked you to and from classes - even if his were in the literal opposite direction. You had no honest idea how the two were related, given Farleigh's constant attitude and Felix's overwhelming kindness, but that wasn't for you to understand. You just relished the attention Felix bestowed in-between your skepticism.

And here you are, your first night in his home, Saltburn, completely lost and totally turned-around! You didn't need water all that bad, did you? Granted, you had a several tablets to take that evening to maintain your health, but you could've used the fucking sink in the adjoining bathroom! You grew frustrated the more doors you opened, finding empty rooms or closets or another fucking library or studies or whatever! As if this home wasn't big enough, there were multiple levels and all you knew was that you and Felix were both located on the same floor with his parents above you and his sister and Farleigh beneath.

So, that helped.

But you still felt so fucking silly.

Seriously, who got LOST in someone else's home!? Fools, that's who!

Okay, okay, okay, you didn't need to be so hard on yourself, but you grew nervous and fearful for a reason you didn't understand. Your anxiety was planted in your stomach, festering, growing, taking over you to the point that you had tears in your eyes when you found yet ANOTHER fucking study!

"Oh, even the bloody fucking Queen doesn't have this many useless rooms, and she's a much bigger family, Jesus fucking Christ," you sneered to yourself - ready to give up and just sleep in one of the empty rooms. But you didn't want Duncan finding you in the morning, asking questions, forcing you to admit you were lost - you felt humiliated enough as it was! And that was without anyone witnessing this absolute mess you had made!

Well, not technically a mess - but you felt like a mess the more you crept around. And now, you felt fucking creepy - like some stalker, sneaking around the halls, trying to spy on this very nice family. You knew you weren't, but the feeling was still there - fucking anxiety would honestly be the death of you.

However, you came upon a familiar (enough) door that had a gentle light emitting from under it. With a sigh of relief, you suddenly remembered leaving a light on for yourself to return to; reaching for the doorknob, twisting it, and darting into the room while swiftly swinging the door close - but halting it to shut quietly as to not disturb anyone in the empty halls.

Yeah, anxiety was a bitch.

"Ohh-ho, evenin', love," a voice greeted, making you gasp, jump, and twist around. "Miss me that much? Heard the drain on the tub, didn't yah, had to come sneak a peek?"

Felix fucking Catton stood at the end of a messy bed in all his glory, running a towel through his wet curls. Nothing obscuring your sight, nothing hiding his manhood, nothing - literally nothing on his body except a shit-eating grin.

"Jesus, Fi! Fuck, I-I-I'm so - um," you gulped, trying not to ogle him, but failing (miserably) when beads of water rolled between the contours of his impossibly impressively sculpted muscles. "I just - you know, this place is so bloody big - um, I'm sorry - I just... Yeah..."

He smirked, nodding sarcastically, "Uh-huh. And you just happened to stumble into my room? Pretty good timing, too, wasn't it?"

You squeaked, "I didn't mean to! I swear - Felix, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to, um, yeah, you know - uh..."

"Like what you see, sweetheart? Why don't you come in closer, get a better look?"

You adverted your eyes out of respect and fumbled messily for the door handle. "Oh, sweet Jesus. Bloody house is just too bloody big, I got all turned around - just needed some water and I just - fuck, I'm sorry - "

"Hey, hey," Felix chuckled, wrapping his towel loosely around his hips so his V-line was still on raunchy display, "I'm only teasin', love. I know this place can get confusin' t'newcomers. I actually meant to grab you some water, know you gotta take your tablets."

You swallowed your embarrassment, sighing, "I'll just - yeah - no - I'll, um, just go - I'm so sorry, again."

"You know where you're goin' all of a sudden?"

You faced the door, not wanting to make him uncomfortable, shaking your head gently, "Well, no, but I'll figure it out - I left a, um, I left a light on, you know, to help - I don't know - uh, guide me?"

"You've not stuttered this much since we first met," he laughed, tugging a pair of boxers on for your sanity (and to your dismay). "I'm dressed, doll, you can look at me now. C'mon, bit weird talkin' to your back."

"We're not talking, Felix, I'm going to bed."

"Then why haven't you left yet?"

You blinked at the intricately carved door, realizing your hand was still on the knob, but it hadn't turned. "I didn't want to be so rude as to just walk out, mid-sentence!"

"Hey, hey, you're all right, darlin', I'm only teasin'," he grinned, hearing his bare feet pad over the ground before his warm hand wrapped around your elbow. "C'mon, love, hang with me a bit - 's not that late, is it?"

"Oh, so, Duncan can walk in? Make his assumptions?" You whispered, slowly facing him and leaning back on the door with a pout. His big, brown, doe-eyes stared directly into yours, making you feel under his spotlight - something akin to a privilege, since Felix Catton didn't bestow his attention on everyone. "I just needed water, I didn't mean t'get, you know, lost like this. Seriously, this place looks totally different at night."

"Surprised you even got this far, huh?"

"I looked in any room with an open door," you admitted with a small wince. "I felt so creepy, but I was all turned around - and you know, you shouldn't leave other lights on in rooms not being used. Terrible waste of energy."

"Awh, my sweet, environmentally-conscious girl," he cooed, hand raising to gently pinch your jaw. There was a serene moment, the pair of you just staring at one another, becoming acutely aware that he was still practically naked. "C'mon, don't leave yet, we can play cards if you like?"

"I've medicine t'take - "

"Right, right, right," he nodded, letting his hand drift to hold your neck in a gentle grasp. "Tell you what, you stay here, I'll grab your meds, and bring them back? You keep 'em in that li'l pink bag, yeah?"

"I don't know how to feel that you know which is my med bag," you narrowed your eyes playfully.

"Just shows I pay attention, don't it?"

"Maybe shows we spend too much time together?"

He kissed his teeth, grinning at you, "There's no such thing - in fact! I reckon we could double our time together and it still wouldn't feel like enough."

"Well, how's that help me later? I still don't know where my room is - oh, don't laugh!" You groaned, Felix snickering louder. "Fi, c'mon, it's not funny - this place is huge! Like, illegally huge!"

He cooed, "Oh, doll, 'M not laughing at you, promise. Just... You're not the first person t'get lost here, yeah?"

You scoffed with severe discomfort, "I really don't want t'hear 'bout all the other girls you've brought home - "

"Hey, now," he cut you off swiftly, "don't do that." He shrugged meekly, "There's been no others, just friends. Mine, Farleigh's, Venetia's... They've all gotten lost once or twice... Or that time we had to actually draw Reggie a map, poor lad got lost around every bend."

You rolled your eyes, "Truly expect me to believe that, do you?" Then you let your eyes widen a fraction, teasing, "Oh, wow, you really believe it! You really believe you haven't brought home other girls who you're interested in or who are into you?"

He crowded you into the door, shifting the room's energy to something sultry, making you hold your breath as his hand slid into your hair. "You know you're the only one, right?"

"You know that's absolute bullshite, right? Like, what a fucking line!"

He tisked, "C'mon, doll."

"Be honest, Felix."

His head cocked, "Want the truth?"

"That'd be a nice change of pace."

He scoffed lightly, "I don't give a single fuck if any of our previous guests cared for me - only you. Hear me?" He took the last step so he was stood with his feet slotted between yours. "I didn't bring them here for any other reason than friendly entertainment. You've seen the place, as big as it is, can get a bit lonely without anyone to hang with. But I asked you here... For different reasons..." He whispered, eyes jutting down to your lips as he kept a firm hold on you.

"And what reasons are those, Fi?"

He smirked, "Obviously... To kick your arse at cards."

You were flooded with pure disappointment. Raw, unfiltered disappointment that deflated your shoulders. "Yeah, right, like that would ever happen," you covered, nudging him a single step away from you. "Wanna be a gentleman and direct me to my room now?"

"Nope," he grinned, snatching your hand and yanking you away from the door. "You're gonna sit your pretty self right here," he nudged you to the edge of his bed, turning for his desk, then turning back to you to slap a deck of cards to your hand, "you're gonna shuffle these, and mentally prepare to get your arse handed to you at your own game."

You chuckled slightly, "Thought you hated 51 Rummy?"

"Only when sober," he smirked, leaning down to peck your forehead sweetly. "Sit tight, doll, I'll be a moment, yeah?"

You sighed and watched him exit the room, reaching to set your glass of water down and observe the room. In a moment of weakness, you pet over his sheets as if tempted to snuggle into them - and you were! You were cold from the lack of robe you meant to shrug on, and wondering the halls of Saltburn took much longer than you anticipated - now wanting to dive into the warmth you knew was left, the same warmth that Felix left on everything.

You jumped when the door opened again, Felix slipping inside with your little pink bag. His brows pinched, "All right, love?"

"Hmm? Yeah - "

"Your feet are nearly blue," he shook his head, handing you your bag before turning for his wardrobe. "Socks or sweats?"

"Huh?"

He turned, holding up a pair of sweatpants and socks, repeating, "Socks or sweats? Figured you're a bit cold in that." The left side of his mouth quirked up in a smirk, eyeing you in your sleep shorts and loose teeshirt that had the collar ripped out, showing a hint of cleavage.

"Oh, uh, socks, please."

He tossed you the socks, dropped the sweats, and joined you on the bed as you pulled the oversized garment onto your feet. "C'mere, get close, get comfortable," he chuckled, pushing his blankets down to sit in the sheets, waiting until you turned in the bed to yank the blankets up over both your legs. "Didn't shuffle? My naughty girl," he joked, reaching for the deck of cards and opening it. He offered a much softer smile, eyes darting to your medicine bag, and then focusing on the cards - as if to give you privacy to take your meds.

You did so quickly, insecure about the rattling bottles and the amount of tablets in your cupped hand, but never once had Felix made you feel bad about your needs. After swallowing them, you cleared your throat and turned to face Felix as he divided the cards for the game, nodding to his side table, "Paper's over there, doll, for the score."

"Sure you want me to keep score?" You asked softly, reaching for the pad of paper and spare pen. "Last time we played, you lost so very miserably, I was embarrassed for you. We can save your pride a li'l, not keep score."

"It's only polite to let the pretty lady win."

"Oh, tryin' to butter me up, are you?"

"Is it working?"

"I'll let you know."

Felix chuckled, leaning back to the headboard. Then, he asked softly, "You feelin' all right?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, all good."

"Sure?"

"Why?"

"Hands are shakin' a bit."

You eyed him for a moment, changing the subject by asking, "How're you not freezing? Seriously, 's like the floors are air conditioned."

"Nah, just not cold."

"Your nipples say otherwise."

"Lookin' at my nipples, are you?" He grinned. "Now you're a very naughty girl, knew you didn't stumble into my room on accident!"

"Oh, don't flatter yourself!" You pushed his shoulder, but he leaned closer. "Felix - "

"You could just stay here," he offered softly.

"You got me for a game - "

"No, I mean, uh..." He chuckled to himself, shaking his head and readjusting so he was supported on one elbow, facing you. "Nah, nevermind, all right, so, back to the game - "

"No, wait, say what you're thinking," you encouraged softly. "Know I hate you doin' that."

"Yeah, you get all anxious," he nodded. "I don't want t'be too forward, all right? But... You know, we sleep together at Oxford. I-In the dorms, you know?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Just thought, maybe you'd wanna stay here? With me? If you want, won't make yah, sweetheart, just thought... You know, in a house this big, you wouldn't get so lost stayin' here... Maybe?"

"Oh, aren't you my hero?"

"I know, I know, I'm just tryna look out for you, my li'l lost love. And, you know, prevent you from finding our secret dungeon," he gasped comically.

"That's not even a joke 'cause I'd believe it in a place like this. Is it a dungeon for torture or sex?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"Maybe I'd like to see it. Hm," you considered, "maybe I should stay here, you know - so you can show me around and go get me water when I need it. Save my toes from freezing off, wonderin' 'round here."

He grinned, "Yeah?"

"If it's not too scandalous?"

"'S not like anyone would care... Except me, you know? I'd... I'd like you to stay here. Like havin' you close, sweetheart."

"Well, maybe you could put some clothes on? You're terribly fucking distracting! I'm here to win a card game, and I'll be damned if you win 'cause your abs are... You know, staring right at me, you cheater," you grinned, turning to face him fully with your legs crossed, the space in the sheets open for your cards.

"I think you like me naked," he grinned. "I mean, you stared long enough."

"I was just caught off guard!"

"Oh, I'm sure," his grin turned wicked. "You're still staring, doll."

"Well, it's not as if you're quick to cover yourself!"

"You're not too quick t'look away, either!"

"I was - "

"Caught off guard, yeah, you've said," he chuckled, staring at you with those moony brown eyes that made you feel as if you were the only girl he's ever seen. "Maybe I liked you lookin'."

"Is that so?"

He nodded slightly, "Yeah, not such a bad thing. You're kinda the only one I want lookin' at me like that, anyway."

"You absolute cheesehead!" Your laughter was quiet, trying not to tip Duncan off to your antics.

"You know, they're not just for lookin'," he perked his pierced brow at you. "Feel free to touch whenever you want, too."

"Hm, always knew you were a slut."

He gasped dramatically. "Is that anyway to talk to your host? Especially after giving you refuge from the big, scary, confusing halls?" Your eyes rolled and reached out to pushed his forehead, making him rock back into the pillows and headboard - but he was quick to snatch your wrist as he fell. You were yanked across the slim space, pulled so you were directly resting onto his chest; forearms bracing against his pectorals. He grinned, caressing the back of your head, teasing, "'Ello, love."

"You're a fucking fiend."

"And you're so fucking beautiful."

"I'm already stayin' here, Fi, you don't have to lay it on so thick."

He hummed, "You know... If you were mine, you'd get this treatment all the time. I can't stop - you're just so easy to compliment."

Feeling bold, perhaps from being so close and him being nearly naked, you whispered, "Then maybe you should stop shuffling your feet, grow a pair, and ask me already."

He paused, the moment turning soft as you relax against his body; stretched out the length of him, but still remaining propped on his chest to look down at his sweet face.

"Was a bit afraid to, actually, love."

"Why?"

"Haven't felt like this with anyone," he admitted, "'s just so fuckin' easy with you. Organic, authentic, safe... I was afraid to ruin that, destroy the rapport and friendship we've established. I care about you so much, I just wanted you in my life - no matter what variation that was. Being just my friend, being my girl, just want you with me. Didn't want to jeopardize anything."

"Hm," you considered, nodding slowly, "I get that. Think I felt something similar..."

"So, what do we do?"

"I think we be adults about this," you offered. "If you just want to be friends, we'll stay friends, Fi, but we don't blur lines like we have been. And if you want to give this - us - a try, I think we could. 'Cause you're you, and I'm me, and if things don't work out, we can just go back. Right? Adults do that sorta thing, don't they?"

"Not entirely sure, don't feel like an adult most days," he breathed, petting his fingertips down your cheek. "But I know I want this, with you. I swear, since you came into my life, I've felt - " He paused, shaking his head with a growing smile, "Free? Elated? Light as air?"

"Mhm, I know the feeling," you repeated.

"We doin' this?"

"That's up to you."

"I think it's up to us, actually - "

"I mean, you've gotta ask, Fi, not just assume."

"If you reject me in my own house, in my own bed, doll, I'm gonna be fucking crushed!"

"Oh, my God, just ask me! You fucking knobhead!" You laughed, leaning your head on his chest. His other arm moved behind his head to keep it propped up, looking at you with so much adoration, it knotted your stomach. The hand that had been in your hair drifted down to keep a secure hold on your waist; fingers scratching in soothing motions.

"Wanna be my girl?"

"Hmm, I think you could phrase it better."

He grinned brightly, "Would you be my girlfriend?"

"Oh, that's a little too formal. Maybe try - "

"Oh, c'mere, you," he growled, swiftly using both arms to seize under your arms and literally drag you up his body. "C'mon, baby," he whispered, lips ghosting yours, "be my baby."

"Fuck, no, that's way too cheesy!"

"I thought you liked me cheesy?" He gaped, your hand petting his cheek now; shoulders straining to keep you upright, over him.

"Correction, I love you cheesy," you whispered, lowering your head to press a quick kiss to his lips. He hummed in relief, but you pulled back to promise, "I'd love to be your girl, Fi. Only took you the whole bloody school year, didn't it?"

"Hey, good things to those who wait, right?"

"Don't quote Professor Mercy at me when we're in bed with barely anything on, Jesus fucking Christ," you grumbled, unable to restrain your grin when he pulled you in for another kiss - but this time, stealing the breath right out of your lungs.

Maybe getting lost in Saltburn was more beneficial than you originally thought, and maybe Professor Mercy and ages of philosophy was right because this felt like the absolute best thing, and you'd wait a hundred lifetimes if it meant having Felix in your arms - like he was now, kissing you like it was his lifeline.

How extraordinarily warm, you felt, to be lost in this world, in this extraordinary home, and found, by Felix fucking Catton.

requesting rules and masterlist

Saltburn masterlist

[floshav]

i wish i were Heather Hills

part 3 to my rodrick fic ! read pt 1 here

this has been long awaited! Im sorry if my writings gotten a bit rusty :( i'll be more active i swear!!!!

summary: Y/n and Rodrick notice a drift in their relationship. Earlier, Heather swears to become a home wrecker to the two because she just cant stand Rodrick having anyone other than her.

warnings: heavy make-out, fantasising, allusions to future sexual intentions, bitch behaviour, yearning, sexual assault (slightly), crying

Rodrick and y/n havent talked for 4 days. Considering they were usually knee deep in each others business, this was definitely out of the normal.

Y/n sighs inaudibly as the muffled sound of her Chemistry teacher blabbering turned quieter as moments sprang. Yet, amidst the solemn peaceful sound of nothing she struggles to remember where it all went south.

Rodrick looked into y/n's eyes lovingly with something she'd never seen in him before, intertwining their hands together as he signalled for her to get up with him. She stood up reluctantly and took one last whiff of her cigarette before putting it out with the base of her foot. The sound of it going out satisfied her every time. She dragged her ashy boots along the pavement as they walked away from the half broken vending machine, her head in the nook of his shoulder, just the way she liked it.

Heather stood proudly with a smirk plastered along her face, one that no one could consider accusing of something heinous and she wore that with pride. A little something called pretty privilege she'd say. Something clicked in that blonde head of hers. She was going to make Y/n's life reigned over jealousy.

Rodrick grabbed Y/n's cheeks with delicate urgency as if he was almost primitive in his actions. He gave her one soft kiss before seeing that glint in her eyes that made him go crazy. Y/n let out a soft groan as he kissed her hard and long, so passionately she wanted to cry. No one's ever appreciated her the way Rodrick does. Their saliva mixed and fought for dominance while the sounds they produced were so obscene that it made her wet every time she thought about it. His pretty boy moans, his breathless expression, his half lidded eyes and long eyelashes that made her heart skip a beat more than she'd like to admit. Everything about the boy was perfect. No one could ever ruin this moment.

knock knock

Y/n's mirage of fantasies were quickly toppled over when a certain redhead blew her mind back to reality for the 3rd time this week. In the distance she saw Rodrick talking to Heather, funnily the 4th time this week. Her eyes were still puffy as she tried to digest the situation before her but her attention was quickly brought back.

"Hey, Hey! Look. At. Me. I told you to forget about him. He's no good for you y/n." said the messy haired redhead.

These were the words that often left Alex's mouth. Always about Rodrick not being good enough for her, not up to her class. What was he even trying to do?

"But its only been 4 days. Surely things couldn't have gone so wrong is 4 fucking days." Y/n said with anger threaded in her tone. She couldn't stand Alex, Rodrick, or more so Heather. She was somehow winning again. Just when y/n finally got a taste of what she wanted. She managed to ruin her life just like she always did.

"C'mon sweet'eart, its Rodrick we're talking about. Class act asshole."

she remembered the way Rodrick held her head in his chest, so lovingly, so gently like she was a piece of fine china. The way he cared for her when she abused herself. The way he looked into her eyes and called her pretty each time he stared a little too long.

"Rodrick's not like that. He's not an asshole. Not to me atleast" she said as she stared off into his direction again, a certain ache prominent in her heart.

"Please dont lie to yourself. Dont hurt yourself again."

"Why are you even talking to me Alex? You want to fuck me or something?" Y/n said plainly with not a hint of amusement in her features.

Alex's face got red, slightly hot and he felt like he had been caught. But he knew that was not the reason he'd been trying to distract her, though definitely an appealing one now that he's thought of it.

"W-what, No! I just wanted to help you out, a-and get to know you better, seeing you were crying and all." he scrambled

"Well that's very nice of you but let me put it plainly. I don't need help." she said through gritted teeth and red eyes.

Being a people pleaser all her life, she felt satisfied and a tad bit guilty at the way she handled the redhead, but oh well. That wasn't enough to knock Alex down especially after the very attractive bribe Heather gave him earlier that week.

"I'll invite you to all my parties."

"And...."

"Oh for goodness sake Alex- That should be enough to convince you as is!"

"Well... You're asking me to do quite a lot... And not to mention Rodrick's a pretty tough cookie to crumble..."

"Ugh. Fine! And a kiss. One. Kiss." Heather sighed as she rolled her eyes.

"Okay, ill do it." Alex said with glittered eyes.

Heather had presented a very... lucrative offer to Alex to try and break the couple apart, and somehow it was working.

Rodrick being the dumb loser he was, didnt think to ask y/n about the whole situation but could you really blame him?

"Hey Roddy, bout' that drum gig... how about 100 smackaroos per hour? Sound good?" Heather said with fake innocence through batted falsies and glossy lips she just touched up.

100 dollars. He couldn't give up 100 dollars an hour just like that. Also that stupid fucking nickname he hated so so much because he knew how much it pissed you off. He thought of all the things he could buy you, flowers, makeup, books, movie tickets, your favourite candy, the list went on with all the things that would make you happy. His mind was clouded with you, you, you and the way he'd make it up to you for this whole misunderstanding. The loving he'd show you after this was all over. He missed you so much.

"Yea, sure why not." Rodrick said reluctantly as he leaned further back into the brick wall he'd been perched up against. Each rough grain getting caught between his jackets fabric by the force.

"Okay! Perfect." Heather said while holding both of Rodrick's calloused hands in her own delicately manicured ones.

He quickly pulled away before realising that y/n saw the situation unravel for what felt like the hundredth time this week. Heather bounced away with a smile to her pretty face, hips swaying in her mini skirt practically with her ass hanging out.

Before he could explain, Alex blocked his field of view by giving y/n a big fat kiss.

"Woah what the fuck?" Y/n mumbled through his lips as she tried to pry Alex's heavy body off of her.

Rodrick thought back to when Heather mentioned she saw y/n give Alex a peck on the cheek. Rodrick didn't want to believe that she could be so dumb to do it right in-front of him but after seeing this how could he not feel a slight twinge of doubt pull at his heart. Like his pessimistic mindset, things you hope to be true usually aren't and he was pissed the fuck off.

Before he could think straight, he dragged his feet against the pavement, anger laced in his steps as he pushed Alex's scrawny body off of Y/n. Rodrick noticed how glassy her eyes were and wanted to hug her and tell her everything was okay. Nobody would touch her anymore. But Heathers words kept ringing in the back of his head. She doesn't like you anymore. She likes Alex but is afraid to tell you Roddy. So don't believe her bullshit excuses.

"Dude- the fuck is your problem!" Alex exclaimed while shoving Rodrick's chest. His shoes squeaking against the ground.

"The fuck are you doing kissing my girl?" Rodrick said more angrily than he'd like to come off.

"Just stop it! I don't need this to happen right now!" Y/n yelled as her cheeks got red. Rodrick cursed himself for thinking about how pretty she looked when she got like that. Y/n ran off before covering her head with her hoodie into the girls restroom.

"Looks like she doesn't need her supposed man to defend her huh?" Alex said with an annoying smug look.

"Just fuck off you cunt. Don't ever touch her again." Rodrick said before walking away defeated.

Y/n gripped the ledge of the sinks edge, finger pads bruising the surface before sobbing as quietly as she could. She hated all the unnecessary attention crying brought her at school and just wanted to shrivel up and die. Just as things couldn't get any worse, she heard the familiar tone of Heathers voice arise in the distance.

"No like he was sooo in on it. Im telling you girls he's still into me like- Oh." Heather stopped in her tracks as she saw y/n perched up in a position she had always wanted to see.

"Aw, what happened babe." Heather said with the thickest whiff of fake sincerity her voice could put out. Yet y/n wanted it to be real. She wanted Heather to actually feel bad. To apologise for being such a shit person and a home wrecker.

------------------------------------------

Finally i am here to feed you guys with part 3 lol.. im so sorry this took almost a year tf . And thank u to all those who motivated me to keep writing hahaha as cheesy and cringe as that is. Lmk if u guys want a Part 4 ! I also would greatly appreciate requests and prompts in my inbox <3

[banquetwriter]

hellooo! can i request johnnie x reader, where his tweets are about a song but the fans think they broke up because y/n also had a suspicious tweet like him!! thank you i hope you have a wonderful day!

୨୧ Assumptions ୨୧

pairing: Johnnie Guilbert ♡︎ Reader

warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡ short (I'm sorry) fluff tbh

summary: ʚ the fans get the wrong idea when you and Johnnie tweet lyrics of his new song ɞ

Words: 1299

An: this is short but honestly it's so sweet and I loved doing this!!

SUPPORT ME

You made sure to keep balance with the plate and cup in your hands as you approached your office room. You had finally convinced Johnnie to start editing in your office since he moved in. You both even set up a little recording spot for him complete with a spooky background.

You walked up to the door and knocked against it slightly using your foot. After a moment or two the door opened with a slightly worn-looking Johnnie. “Hey what's all this for?” he asked, opening the door for you. “Well you have been working so hard on your new song I thought I outta surprise you.”

You say with a big smile holding up his cup of tea and chips. “Eh, I'm really proud of this song. I just hope it, you know, does well,” he says with a short laugh at the end of his sentence. You smile while walking to the couch that is directly next to his editing chair.

The one you sat at and relaxed while he would stream. The whole world seemed so in love with you two dating. Everyone loved how well you two worked. And you loved it too. “I'm sure they will babe. I think you fucking killed it with this song,” you spoke moving your legs up to your chest and setting the food on the desk.

He smiles as you sit down in his chair and start to click around on his computer. You plucked a chip off of his plate scrolling around Twitter. “Hey, quit stealing my chips,” Johnnie said, staring at you accusingly.

You pause looking up at him, blinking slowly for a second. “When your dick gets bigger I will,” you said with a faux smile. He giggles at your comment, turning back to the computer, his fingers reaching for the coffee mug.

“Be careful, I think the tea is still pretty hot.” you half mumble the warning before putting the chip in your mouth. “I'll drink whatever the fuck I want bitch.” he says in a sassy, Timmy-esque voice. He takes a small sip of the tea before yanking the cup away from his mouth. “Fuck!” he shouts as the hot piqued burned his mouth.

You let out a loud laugh at his reaction, covering your mouth as you did so. “Aahh fuck you!” he yelps again searching for a drink of something colder. You snicker looking back down at your phone. Twitter was usually an awful place to be and it wasn't any different than this time.

You banned Johnnie from looking up his name on social media sites, and it wasn't good that you still did it but occasionally you liked to check in on fans and see what was popular amongst the fandom.

Most were hyping up the newest video you had posted this week and taking clips from it as reactions. Your fans were so funny, like genuinely. It blew you away that people found you so funny.

Of course, there were a select few that were not ideal. One about how You and Johnnie haven't posted in a while, and that you two must have broken up. They were not true by any means. With Johnnie's new song coming out soon it was easier for him to bulk-record videos so he had more time during the day to work on it.

Johnnie had finally calmed down from burning the shit out of his mouth. “How much of the new song have you teased?” you asked using your foot to spin his chair so he faced you. You continued to munch on a few chips, eating all the food you brought for your boyfriend.

“Honestly not much just that I have a new song coming out, not even a date or anything,” he said, grabbing a chip too. “Mmm we should start doing more to promote it, well sorry, you should do more this isn't my song,” you murmur using your ring finger to tap around your phone with your chip-dust-covered hands.

“Mmm, I feel like it's both of our songs in a way, I mean yeah I performed it and edited it but you helped me write it. You're also helping me by taking care of me.” he gestured to his tea as he took a sip.

You smiled at his words. It was nice when credit was given for things like this. This was Johnnie's song but you did help him with the lyrics. It was about the heartbreak of getting older, the lyrics sounding like you were talking to time.

The idea simmered down into a few words; it was like breaking up with time. The lyrics were akin to a breakup song. It was a cool idea and one you dealt with as you grew older. You even starred in the music video as the “time” character.

“What were we thinking of doing?” he murmured with his mouth full. “Maybe tweeting a few of your lyrics? Something you wouldn't normally rant about I guess,” you suggested dusting your fingers off.

“That could be cool, we should do it from the chorus or something,” he said, pulling his phone out of his back pocket. “Yeah for sure,” you mumbled absentmindedly, moving the chair with your foot still.

Over the next few days you both tweeted lyrics from the song. ‘I will forever mourn the loss of us’ and ‘You can't stay innocent to it forever’ got the most likes. Unfortunately, you two were now trending. “What the fuck are we going to do?” you asked looking at the #Johnnieandy/nbreakup tag.

“Just ignore them? The song comes out soon anyway,” he reassured you, his thumb rubbing the side of your thigh. Your legs rested on his lap as you cuddled up next to him.

You still didn't like the idea that everyone thought you two broke up. You can see how someone might think that from your guy’s tweets. And yes you shouldn't assume something about someone online but that just means your fans care about you. Doesn't it?

After a few days, you both released another video on each other's YouTube channels. The entire comments were filled with asking where the other person was. If you two had really broken up this would have been awful. Thank god you hadn't.

You both decided that you two should make at least one video addressing the rumors. On one of your tik toks someone had commented ‘Did you and Johnnie break up?’ so you replied to the comment with a video.

“Hey guys so a lot of people have been asking if me and my boyfriend Johnnie broke up, so today we are going to go ask him,” you said holding the phone up to your face as if introducing a vlog.

The next shot was of your feet walking up to Johnnie sitting on the couch. “Hey babe?” you asked, pointing the camera at him. “Yeah?” he answered back looking up at you. “Did we break up?” you ask as if it was a normal question.

“Umm last time I checked no,” he replied back trying to hold his smile back. “Oh ok, sweat just checking. Love you,” you said back moving the phone down as he broke his serious face and laughed with you.

You posted the tik tok captioned “addressing the rumors”

You cuddled up next to him and read the comments. Most of them were making fun of others for assuming things. The other half was just talking about how cute the two of you were together.

The following day the song and music video were posted and the feedback was worth it. You were so proud of Johnnie and all he had done but this song meant so much to both of you.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Blind Eclipse AU (I’m blaming you🦇 anon, you made me do this!)

Harvest Moon shocked him blind in a fit of bloodlust and rage. Eclipse passed out before Harvest could figure out what he did.

When Eclipse wakes up, Blood Moon is in the mind and laughs when he wakes up, disorienting the newly blind Eclipse with the echoes of his manic laughter.

Eclipse is so disoriented by the laughter that he crawls right into Blood Moon’s legs, only to be told 'you must be beginning to like torture, crawling right up to me like a bitch. we'll have to change torture methods again, sadly. shocking you was so much fun.'

Blood Moon slams his head into the cloud-ground with his foot knocking him back out.

By the time KC gains sentience and takes his three sons from the daycare, Eclipse is beyond broken, just this shaking little thing that doesn’t fight back at all.

Because he never had time or support to adapt his senses, Eclipse simply sits, he doesn’t walk anymore, the twins have pushed him back down too many times for him to refigure out how to walk.

He only talks when the twins let him, very terrified the entire time as one of the twins is always holding his shoulders and threatening him to behave.

The twins simply think Eclipse has gotten soft from torture, that they finally broke him (which they did). KC doesn’t notice at first until he uploads Eclipse into the lab.

Eclipse freaks out completely when he’s uploaded into the lab. He’s no longer even in a body, he’s scared, he feels so numb and he can’t see. He has a panic attack so bad KC takes pity and puts him in a body to figure out what’s happening with his eldest child.

The minute Eclipse is in his own body, he latches onto KC as quickly as he can, following his voice and collapsing against him because he’s forgotten how to walk.

KC now has his arms full of his crying, shaking eldest son who is clinging onto him for dear life, breaking down over how scared he was as a lab and he looks to the twins for an explanation they don’t have.

KC sits Eclipse at his desk and runs a scan on him, finding that he’s blind. He wants greatly to go off on the twins but poor Eclipse is holding tight to his arm and whimpering and still teary. His son needs him, he can’t go off yelling at the twins and practically abandon Eclipse.

KC picks up and holds Eclipse, letting him nuzzle close and latch on again, letting him cry himself to sleep with ‘daddy, I was scared’.

Once Eclipse is asleep and KC tucks him into bed, KC splits the twins apart and screams at them so much he and Moon nearly end up with a broken voicebox.

After their thorough reaming, the twins are much more regretful of what they’ve done. They swear to never hurt him again, only a little coaxed out of them by KC.

KC refuses to leave the twins alone with Eclipse at first, he runs this by Moon, who agrees, due to the circumstances, to bring Eclipse to the daycare away from the twins a bit while he reorients himself and KC helps him recover.

Sun and Lunar get the short answer of ‘the twins tortured him so bad he had a panic attack the second he was separated from them, also, he’s blind now’.

Eclipse refuses to leave Moon and KC’s side the first week of recovery, ending up in tears when they do and trying to crawl after them.

Sun found him crawling one time and took pity on him, picking him up and carrying him to Moon doing his security rounds, assuring Eclipse the whole time that he was ‘delivering him to papa’.

Lunar is sent a bit reeling seeing the guy who abused him so vulnerable and dependent on them and it doesn’t get any better for the little bean when Eclipse is so kind and docile now that Eclipse has no choice but to trust those around him and simply try to please them in hopes they won’t hurt him again.

He takes a long time to recover, it takes a bit just to reteach him walking instead of being carried or crawling around. He’s very shaky walking at first and slowly is able to go back to walking as he used to, though he can’t run because he may hit into something or simply fall.

His remaining senses are still a bit wonky, his hearing is distorted from the twins’ mindscape being so echoey and he’s used to being a lot quieter now. It takes time to readjust his senses.

Eclipse likes spending more time with Moon than anyone else because Moon always makes sure he’s okay and never leaves Eclipse alone for very long after the patrol incidents.

Lunar is also a contender for his favorite time-spending person because he wants greatly to make it up to Lunar and apologize through actions with him. Eclipse tries...so hard. He even tries to make Lunar cupcakes, because he knows he likes sweet foods, on his own.

Lunar still eats the cupcake even if it comes out horrible, Eclipse tried hard to make it and he doesn’t want to see Eclipse be sad that he failed at such a simply thing.

Blood Moon and Harvest Moon eventually get brought to the daycare after Eclipse recovers and, though Eclipse still is jumpy around them, he adjusts well once the twins realize Eclipse has become an entirely different person due to the trauma they gave him.

The twins work hard to get his trust back and eventually Eclipse stops being so jumpy and shaky around them and will even let them hug him.

[glowingmin]

Who Broke (Red)

Four Swords Adventures fanfic

Characters: Red, Blue, Vio, Green, Shadow.

Fluffy morning banter! Directly copied from google docs so I apologize if the formatting is weird off of mobile.

“Alright, meeting time. Who the fuck made Red cry.” Shadow clapped his hands together, glaring across the table. Vio looked up from drinking coffee and reading some boring book, Blue was gripping a fork with enough pressure to bend metal, and Green looked half asleep.

“Is that why Red isn’t here?” Blue reasoned, before grunting. “Shadow, he cries over everything. I bet I did it on accident. Problem solved. Can I get back to the forge now?”

Shadow crossed his arms, glaring at his blue counterpart. “No, you didn’t. You were in the minish forge. I asked Zeffa, because you used the wind crest last.”

“Have we considered that Red stubbed his toe?” Green asked, resting his head on his hands. He reached over and took Vio’s coffee and took a sip before sliding it back. Green winced at the frown on Vio’s face. “We did have a growth spurt recently. That might be it.”

“Red does cry over the most random things,” Vio reasoned as he swiped his thumb along the rim of his coffee mug. “Green, ask before you do that. Or better yet, tell Blue to brew more coffee.”

“Blue makes the worst coffee,” Green groaned in protest while sticking his tongue out. “Shadow, why don’t you just ask Red why he was crying? Wouldn’t that narrow it down a bit?”

“Did you just fucking say I make the worst coffee?!” Blue yelled, slamming his fist down on the table. Shadow had to keep his face stern and struggled to not laugh at the brotherly banter. “Say that to my face, bitch!”

“I just did.”

“GUYS!” Shadow snapped his fingers rapidly to regain the color’s attention. “You two can fistfight after. Who did it? Who upset Red?”

Vio raised one of his hands. “Could’ve been me. I had to do laundry and that included his favorite blanket. He’s clingy, but he wasn’t crying when I asked for it.”

“Nonsense Vio you’re perfect you wouldn’t make Red cry,” Shadow insisted, batting his eyes.

“I’d say you both need to get a room but you already have one. Because I helped build it.” Green rubbed his forehead with a hand. “I’ll go talk to Red. Best way to figure it out is from the source.”

“Hey,” Blue piped up. “How do we not know Shadow made Red cry?”

The dark worlder sputtered, leaning back in his chair. He raised a hand to his chest in mocking indignation. “What? I wouldn’t do such a thing!” He paused, rethinking his words. “Recently. After Vaati. Before then, yeah, absolutely. But I didn’t do it.”

“Suspicious,” Blue hissed. Shadow bared his teeth, kicking a foot against the table. “Fucking Farore, don’t break the damn table!”

Green snorted loudly. “If the table breaks from one of Shadow’s kicks,” he mused, “then I’m going to have to re-evaluate my craftsmanship. I worked hard on this table.” Green paused, rubbing his eyes free of sleep. “And also that chair you used as a bat last week.”

Blue’s head snapped over to Vio. “You told Green?!” He seethed, rapidly jabbing a finger in the other color’s direction. “You said you wouldn’t! You’re a bastard, Vio!”

“Don’t talk about Vio like that,” Shadow had begun to snarl, just in time for Vio to raise a hand and say ‘guilty as charged’.

“Guys?”

Four heads snapped over to the staircase. There was Red, still dressed in pajamas. “What’re you all yelling about? I could hear you all the way from the second story. Is something wrong?”

Blue blinked, glancing towards Green. “Have you been asleep this whole time?” Green asked, smoothing out his tunic with a broad sweep of his hand.

“Mmhm.” Red finished walking down the stairs and hopped in his seat; between Blue and Vio. Their seats were color coded. Except for Shadow’s, which had been broken last week. “I’m sorry I overslept.”

Blue looked between Red, then Vio, and then Shadow. “Vio.” Blue spoke up, one of his eyes twitching. “I’m going to strangle your boyfriend.”

Shadow broke out cackling, sprinting out of the kitchen. “You’ll never take me alive, berry boy!” Blue screamed in anger, and went charging after their dark world counterpart. Where Blue got the hammer from went unsaid.

Red tilted his head briefly in confusion. He winced at the sound of Blue running into a wall. “I think I missed something,” he observed.

Vio rolled his eyes. “Nah.” He reached over and ruffled Red on the head. “Just Shadow goofing around is all.”

[papercutsunset]

Hiring On

related to: The Mayor Deviation

Here's another 1000-word schlock for @flashfictionfridayofficial that I had energy for this morning and then fumbled (whoopsie). It's related to the Foot Scene from The Devastation of Ben Baker; and the Tracy mentioned is the same Tracy who walked the Kenlys' children home (the nanny). Ideally, there'd be more internal monologue, but I wanted it to be snappy.

CW: Some discussion of a guy crossing sexual boundaries (nothing depicted, but it is discussed throughout).

I slap the phone into the receiver. Without a moment's hesitation, I call out through the closed door, “Dan!” 

No response. Fine. I’ll corner the coffee-making bitch.

A firm yank opens the Bifrost between my cluttered Earth and his hyper-organized Valhalla. I lock eyes with him and grin. “I may have gotten us a job.” 

“Meaning?” he chuckles, pouring creamer into an oversize mug. 

“Meaning I'm talking it over with her tonight. She's got a day job; she's skittish. I would be, too, if I worked for Todd Kenly.” 

His face goes blank. “That Todd Kenly?” 

“In the flesh.” 

“She’s Tracy Attar? The girl? As in, that Tracy Attar?” 

“The one and only.”

“Oh, god.” His skin goes pale. “Tell me you'll be careful, Chick.” 

“Hey, maybe I'm his type.” 

“You're not his type.” 

“I'm young, I'm blonde, I'm perky—” 

“You're going to be late for your other job—” 

“That’s a quality he admires!” 

“Because the man's a pervert!” Outrage spills into the unmixed creamer, splitting the broken popsicle stick more than it should. 

“Either way, between his arrest and that weird thing on the news last week—” 

“What, about his stepson?” 

“So weird that he has a stepson.” I shake my head. Conservatives all have rattling closets. Todd Kenly’s creaked open and yellow light showed he’s a foot fetishist with a hard-on for breaking and entering. The senator he's married to? She had a whole life before him— and now that both their lives include a son with some major rage issues and a weirdly tall hick stepsister. Go figure. “You man the phones; I'll go make some money to cover my rent; and we will see what comes of Todd Kenly, right?” 

“Yeah,” Dan sighs, mug at his lips. “I suppose we will.” 

“Good. Now— I am gonna be late for work.” Gill has never once cared. I do. “I'll see you at four.” 

“See you at four. I'll be here. Doing my job.”

“Playing sudoku. Thinking about your wife.” 

“No sudoku. I'm doing crosswords today.” 

“Oh, my apologies.” I wave him off haphazardly as I eyeroll out the door. He waves goodbye in the same fluid moment. 

On my way out, I almost bump into someone. She’s not just any woman. The sunglasses despite the rainy northern California weather, the habitual athleisure zipped up to cover her new-fashioned garments like the hip, down-to-it Mormon she pretends she is, the brown hair pulled up and back in a swinging ponytail, the clinking cup of water, the perpetual flicker of anger behind her eyes— I’d know Senator Rosanna Kenly anywhere. 

“Jesus, it’s just a day for the Kenlys,” I chuckle, pulling the door open wider to let her in. “Sorry about that. I was heading out.” 

“No you weren’t,” she decides. 

“I… was, actually. I have to go to… work.” 

“For Gill Spellmeyer? No you don’t. As much…” The door closes; she looks at Dan over the top of her sunglasses, leaking disapproval. “As much as I’m sure Daniel Donovan is the more competent of the two left here, this requires your touch.” 

“I didn’t know we were notorious enough for people to know I’m incompetent.” I keep buttoning up my dark-gray work shirt. “Unless you’re going to pay double my rate, I’m going to Whispermart. Sorry, Senator. Dan’s an excellent investigator. I’ll be happy to edit his work.” 

“Is that how you operate? One investigates, one edits?” 

“Yeah, actually. Did you have something you needed me to do, or…” 

Ignoring that, with her ponytail swinging, she strides toward my office. I gesture desperately to Dan. Behind the mug obscuring his face, he shrugs and goes back to rearranging whatever papers he was holding. 

“I told you,” I groan, following her, “I have to go. Could you come back tomorrow?”

“No. I’m a busy woman.” 

“I’m also busy!” 

“Not busy enough, it would seem. This office is a wreck.” Her upper lip curls with distaste.

Sighing, I decide to let it go; I move some of the files from a chair to the floor by my desk; I don’t sit. 

Huffing, like the move I made should have been done in the first place and it’s so easy to keep a space clean, she sits, crosses her legs at the knees, and looks at me with a cool impatience I can’t stomach. 

Picking up my notepad again, I click my pen. “What can I do for you, Senator Kenly? Aside from charging you double, I mean?” 

“I’d love for you to dig up anything on my husband that you can.” 

“Jesus Christ. What kind of information?” 

“The sexual kind.” She leans back, so collected I think she might be stamps. “He was a serial cheater, and we all know what a pervert he was. It didn’t start and end with that poor girl’s socks-and-underwear. I want to know what else there was.”

“Perfectly understandable.” Two connected cases at once. Shit. How do I guard the lines on this one? “Didn’t the two of you have some sort of agreement?” 

“He was allowed to do things within a certain bound, yes. I’ll determine what was outside of it.” 

“I suppose that’s not my job, right. I just find the facts.” Sighing, I scrawl FIND HIS PERV SHIT. “Forgive my prying, but did he have any specific proclivities?” 

“Feet. Menstrual blood. Boots.” She gives me that same cool stare; the world is burning behind her eyes. “I could hear you through the door, you know. You weren’t wrong. He has a thing for blondes.” 

“Good to know, I guess.” 

“I chose you on purpose.” 

“Sending a lamb to the wolves?” 

“Charlotte Darwin? A lamb?” She laughs. “Please. We all know what you did to Essie Miranda.” 

She doesn’t know anything about me. I keep the boiling water under my skin; I dig the ballpoint into my paper. “Why do you want me to investigate Todd Kenly?”

“Easy.” She uncrosses her legs and leans forward toward me. “I want to divorce him.” 

[imagineabuttercream]

Conor's Blanket Burrito (Conor x Reader)

Conor had been one of your best friends for about 6 years and it had been two weeks since he had answered his phone or his door. The only way he got away with it was because Jack and Josh had been in La for a convention and ended up extending their trip.

"Babe, answer your phone. If you don't call me back I'm breaking into your flat." You said into the phone.

You didn't want to talk to his flatmates about it because It felt like you were betraying his trust, but you had to check on Conor. Assuming the rumors were true, his girlfriend cheated on him. The boys were coming back in two days and you weren't going to let them find Conor like you knew he'd be. So you had asked Josh where the spare key was and you were on your way over with chocolate, wine, and Nandos.

Letting yourself into the flat, you realized it was as bad as you'd guessed. The trash hadn't been taken out, there were broken picture frames and broken glass by the front door, and the flat was absolutely freezing.

You spent about 20 minutes cleaning before heading upstairs, taking a minute to dump the trash and run the dishes as well. Walking up the stairs, you brought your bags with you.

"Conor." You said, sad to see your friend like this.

"Just leave." Was all he said, not moving from his blanket burrito.

"Babe, I'm not going anywhere." You said, setting your supplies and his food down on his desk.

"Well I'm not moving." He replied.

"You don't have to for a few minutes. I need to clean up in here, anyways." His eyes followed you around the room. You picked up trash and cleaned up more glass. Gathered his laundry and picked up his bathroom. "Why is it so cold in here?" You asked.

"It broke. Everything is fucking broken and I just don't care to fix any of it." Conor said, still acting like you weren't going to get him out of bed.

Seeing that one of the picture frames had blood on it, you started to worry Conor had stepped on the glass. "Love, did you cut your foot?"

"Yes." He said, wiggling his foot out of his blanket burrito knowing you weren't going to drop it.

"That's pretty bad. We need to clean it up." You said, gently running your fingers over the cut. Seeing Conor's foot flinch, you apologized.

"It's not you." He said, his voice cracking.

You absolutely hated seeing him look so broken. You crawled into the bed behind him and put your arms around his middle. You simply laid there with him until he had cried himself out of tears. "Please let me take care of you?"

Conor nodded yes, and then made you laugh by saying "God I need a piss."

"Go to the bathroom." You laughed, pulling his covers off of him.

When Conor went into his bathroom he didn't even bother closing the door. You quickly stripped his bed of its stinky sheets and duvet and ran downstairs to chuck them in the washer. When you came back into his room, he was just walking out of the bathroom. "You sneaky bitch." He half smiled at you.

"You knew it was coming. You stink, babe. You need to shower." You said, pulling out the wine and pouring you both a glass. "Come on." You walked him to his bathroom and started the shower, grabbing a few towels and his warm robe.

"Y/n, I just want to lay down." He said, sitting on the counter and drinking the wine.

"We'll lay down after you're clean. You're going to shower and then I need to clean your foot." You said, coming to stand between his knees.

Resting his forehead against yours, he sighed. "I don't have any energy to do anything."

"You have food and chocolate waiting for you." You replied, sitting his wine down and pulling him down off of the counter and pushing him into the shower fully clothed.

"Oh, you bitch." Conor said, pulling you in with him. "That's what you get."

Laughing, you were happy to see a smile on his face. "I'll take it. It got you in the shower." You said, pulling his shirt off of him and leaving him in basketball shorts. "Strip so you can actually get clean."

Conor's whole demeanor changed, his arms half covering his torso. "I'm good. I'll shower. I promise."

"Hey, what gives?" You asked, placing your hands on either side of his face and making him look at you.

"I just don't need another person judging me for how I look." he snapped, turning to face away from you.

"Was that what she told you? That she cheated on you because of how you look?" you asked, your blood boiling. When Conor didn't reply you knew you were right, so you decided to level the playing field. Stripping your shirt and bra off you chucked them on the bathroom floor. You ditched your jeans, just leaving you in your underwear. You slipped your hands around his sides, one coming to rest on his chest and the other across his tummy. "Conor, there's not a thing wrong with how you look."

"Fuck off." he said, sounding sad and not at all angry.

"Love, when have I ever fucked off when you told me to?" you asked, pulling him to rest against your chest. "You don't want to hear it, but sometimes you have the worst taste in women."

"Yeah." he said bitterly. "No shit." His arms finally relaxing instead of trying to cover himself.

With him relaxed against you and his head leaning back on your shoulder, you grabbed his shower soap and started running your soapy hands across his torso and down his arms. "You know better than to believe anything that bitch says." Your hands crawling lower and starting to push down the waist band of his shorts.

"Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt." he replied, letting his boxers and his shorts fall wet to the shower floor. You kicked them out to join the rest of the sopping clothes. Turning Conor so his chest was leaning against yours, you started rubbing soapy circles into his back. "Y/n." he said softly, lifting his head.

"What?" you asked, still running your hands up and down Conor's back.

"I just..." he said, his hands coming to rest on your bare waist. "I didn't realize you had undressed is all." he rested his forehead on your shoulder, letting you continue. You shampooed and conditioned his hair and felt his arms start to tighten around you while he buried his face in your neck. While it felt wonderful, this wasn't how you wanted to take the step from friends to more.

"Think you can manage the rest while I switch over your linens?" you asked, not wanting to seem like he had done anything wrong.

Conor cleared his throat "Yeah. Of course. Thank you." He replied, leaving a slow lingering kiss on your forehead and watching you make your way to the stack of towels.

Wrapping yourself in a towel, you gathered the wet clothes in another towel so you could throw them in the wash. "I'm going to borrow some of your clothes. Make sure you get dressed and meet me downstairs since your bed won't be ready." you called, leaving the bathroom.

Dressed in some of Conor's sweats and one of his sweaters, you headed downstairs and handled the laundry. You re-heated the Nandos and filled water and wine glasses for both of you. The couch was full of pillows and blankets and you had a small first aid kit out so you could clean up his foot. Seeing Conor come down the stairs dressed but limping on his injured foot, you pointed to the couch. "Sit down here so I can clean your foot up."

Grabbing his glass of wine, he sat down on the couch, allowing you access to his foot. "Is this food for me?" He asked, his stomach growling.

"Eat up." you smiled at him.  "And there are two more bottles of wine, so don't hold back." You had pulled a few small pieces of glass out of his foot before he started getting fidgety.

"That one really hurts." He said, his hand squeezing your shoulder a bit.

"I'm sorry. Just. This. Last. One." You said, finally grabbing the last little sliver of glass out of his foot. "It should feel a bit better now." you said, wiping the slices with antiseptic and bandaging them up. "I'm going to go get you some socks so this doesn't catch on anything.

Walking back up to his room, you made sure the bathroom was straightened again and that the towels made their way to the hamper. You grabbed some socks and headed back down. "I can do that." he said, when you knelt down next to the couch to put them on his feet.

"Oh, hush. Just give me your feet." you said, slipping the socks on.

"Aside from Jack, you're the only person that has ever seen my at my worst." he said, looking deep in thought.

"And now I've bathed you at your worst." you teased, trying to lighten the mood. Cracking a smile, he nodded. "What do you want to watch? Something bloody? Something funny?" you asked, throwing away the Nandos trash and filling his wine glass. You grabbed your glass and joined him on the couch.

"I want to watch Up, but I have a feeling you won't let me." he chuckled.

"Damn straight. None of this Notebook type shit. Why don't we watch Hot Fuzz?" you suggested, scrolling through his digital movies on the tv.

"Only if you cuddle me." he said, grabbing one of the chocolates.

"That's a given, love." You said, selecting the movie, and laying down on the couch, opening your arms so he could lay his head on your chest. You pulled the three blankets over the two of you and softly played with his still damp hair. You both continued to drink wine and eat chocolate while enjoying the movie and by the end of it, Conor was properly laughing along.

"Y/n." Conor said, watching the credits slowly pass.

"yeah?" you replied.

"I'm sorry if I got too handsy in the shower." he said, clearing his throat. "I didn't mean to take advantage of the situation."

"It's fine, Conor. I did get naked in your shower." you laughed.

After your response, he paused for a moment. "Why have we never dated?" he asked, like there was cute little clean cut answer to that question. When you didn't answer him, he lifted his head from your chest to look at you. "Y/n?"

Pushing his hair out of his eyes, you replied in a slightly sad voice. "Conor, you've never asked."

His eyebrows knit together as he considered your answer. "If I had asked would you have said yes?"

"In a world where sober, not on the rebound Conor asked me out? Absolutely." you replied. He laid his head back down, closing his eyes and snuggling against your chest.

"I want to watch Up." he said, downing the last of his wine.

Not having a clue what was going through Conor's mind, you decided to just go with it. "No problem, love." You selected the movie and resumed playing with his hair. You weren't 20 minutes into the movie before you were both sound asleep.

Being woken up by a banging noise, you sat up and realized Conor wasn't with you on the couch. "Con?" you called out, wiping the sleep from your eyes and running your fingers through your hair. You noticed it was fully light outside meaning you slept through the night.

"In here." he replied, yelling from the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" you asked, walking into the kitchen and laying your head on his shoulder.

"I'm making us food, love." he replied, his hand coming up to rest on your cheek.

"I'm supposed to be taking care of YOU." you said, trying to take the spatula from him.

"Uh, uh. Nope. You did take care of me, now grab those two glasses of orange juice and take them up to my room." he said, continuing with the fry up. "I even made the bed and switched the laundry over."

Kissing him on the cheek, you couldn't help but smile. "I'm glad to see you up and about." you said, walking the glasses up to his room. He had, in fact, made the bed. He had also brought the rest of the wine and chocolate up. You even saw your phone plugged into the charger on his bedside table.

Opening your phone, you saw that you had about a thousand twitter notifications. Closing them all out and opening the app, you saw why. Conor had taken a photo of you asleep on the couch. Hair wild across the pillow and around your face, your body bundled up in his sweater. He had tweeted the photo saying "I have the best people in my life." You screenshot his tweet and then replied to the tweet with "You deserve the best people in your life."

Conor made his way up the stairs with two full plates of breakfast fry-up. "Put a movie on." he said, setting the plates on the bedside table and pulling the Duvet back so you could crawl in.

"What has gotten into you?" you asked, laughing at how the roles had reversed.

He stopped bustling about and stood by the bed. "You." he stared for a second before pointing over at the tv. "Pick something funny." He walked around the bed and crawled in. "The landlord is sending someone over to fix the heat, so we may hear someone downstairs."

"Thank god. It's freezing in here." you replied, starting the movie Super Troopers and starting to eat. "This is delicious. Thank you."

"Breakfast is about the only meal I can cook." he laughed.

You two spent the day watching movies and being lazy. You ordered in dinner since you had eaten breakfast so late. You finished off the rest of the wine and a better part of the chocolate. Conor didn't mention the break-up once. He didn't mention the shower again or that he had asked why you hadn't dated. He was just happy Conor. That night you both fell asleep on separate sides of the bed watching an episode of Stranger Things, but you woke up wrapped in Conor's arms. Wriggling out of his hold, you made your way downstairs knowing the boys would be home any time now. You straightened the flat up and had just started looking at your breakfast options when Conor joined you downstairs.

"You left me, love." he said, his arms circling you from behind. "The boys should land in about 20 minutes, so they may want us to meet them for breakfast."

"I need to shower if I'm going out in public." you laughed, folding your arms over his.

"I don't know. You smell quite nice to me." he said, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck.

"I smell like you." you laughed, breaking out of his hold.

With a grin on his face, he tucked your hair behind your ear. "I know. I like it." he replied. "You can have first shower and I'll make coffee." he said, shooing you out of the kitchen. "Your clean clothes are folded on the bed."

"You are in rare form, Maynard." You replied, walking up the stairs to shower and get ready.

Hearing the blow dryer, Conor knew you were finished in the shower, so he knocked. You opened the door, unplugging the blow dryer so you could move to the boys bathroom. "Sorry, I'll go downstairs."

"No need." He said, plugging it back in and pecking you on the cheek. "Their bathroom is disgusting." He turned the shower on and started stripping. "Plus, it's not like you haven't seen all of this before." He said, striking a dumb pose in the mirror.

You couldn't help but laugh. "You really are back to your old self."

"Not exactly. I think I'm a better version of myself. I was stupid to spend my time and energy on shitty people when I have amazing people already in my life." He said, climbing in the shower.

The change in Conor's attitude and mood had taken you by surprise. "Babe, you can't be philosophical with your willy hanging out." You said, starting the hair dryer up again. You could hear his laughter over the noise of the dryer.

Finishing up your hair, you left the bathroom to find your make-up and to get dressed. Not long after you were both ready, the boys text Conor's phone telling you to meet them at a cafe down the street.

You got a table and ordered drinks waiting for the boys. When they finally strolled up, Conor went outside to put their luggage in his truck and then they met you back in the cafe, both giving you hugs and ordering food. Jack and Josh both kept eyeing Conor and he finally cleared the air. "Guys, I'm fine."

"What are you talking about?" Josh asked, trying to act like he hadn't been worried about Conor.

"Yes, I was cheated on and treated like shit. No, I don't give a shit what she tells people or posts online. Yes, I'm perfectly fine." He said, placing his hand over yours for a moment. "This one kicked my ass and made everything better." He teased.

"I saw your picture of her on the couch. I was happy she found a way into the flat." Jack said.

"How did you get in?" Conor asked, considering it for the first time.

"Josh." You laughed. "He told me where the spare was. I'm not giving it back, by the way."

"Keep it." Conor told you. "And thank you for telling her about it." He said to Josh.

The rest of your brunch was normal, but the boys definitely kept eyeing Conor. You were all shocked he was acting so normal.

The following two weeks proved that Conor wasn't going to relapse into his blanket burrito phase which made you and the boys relax a bit. He had gone out drinking and dancing a few times with the rest of his buddies, but he never brought a girl home or went home with anyone. The nights he convinced you to come along, he stayed with you and danced with you and took you home where you would fall asleep watching whatever movie you picked.

One day while you were at work scrolling through your phone on your lunch break you saw that Conor had tweeted out that he had a new cover up. *"I've sang about a lot of girls in my life, but I don't think I've ever meant it like I do now."* he wrote, with a link to the song.

Closing your phone, you sighed and put it in your purse. You had accepted a long time ago that you were never going to be that girl. You weren't even upset about that. He was the best friend you could have asked for, but knowing that you were going to be second in line behind another girl again made you a bit sad.

You stayed late in your office catching up on work and made your way home around 8:30 pm. You knew your phone had been going off, but all you wanted was to pour yourself a glass of wine and sit in your bathtub listening to music.

Feeling sleepy and relaxed, you dried off and picked something in your kitchen to cook for a late night dinner. Setting everything up to cook you finally picked up your phone. More Twitter notifications that you could count. A load of Facebook requests. Tag notifications from more people than you actually knew. About 20 missed calls. You decided to ignore the social media and open your texts.

Conor - "*The link to the video*"

Josh - "Did you watch Conor's new video?"

Jack - "Omg, I should have known."

Conor - "Y/n, are you okay?"

Conor - "Please just tell me you're okay? No one can get ahold of you."

Jack - "Conor is freaking out. You should come over."

Josh - "Do you not feel the same?"

Conor - "Too soon?"

Jack - "Conor is in his blanket burrito upstairs. Please come over."

"What the fuck is happening?" You said out loud in your empty flat. Clicking on the link, you saw the cover was of "Count On Me" by Bruno Mars. You watched the video, unable to keep a smile from forming on your face. You loved watching Conor do what he loved and he was one of the best.

"You can count on me like 1 2 3

I'll be there

And I know when I need it

I can count on you like 4 3 2

And you'll be there

'Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah"

Half way through the song you clicked open the description where he normally rambled a bit about why he picked the song and such.

"This one has been a long time coming. I met a very pretty girl years and years ago. That girl grew up to be an incredibly kind, capable, and beautiful woman. She has helped me through every one of my hard times and has been there to kick my ass when I needed it. (Not joking. Just a few weeks ago she pushed me into the shower fully clothed. I almost died). I don't know why I never pursued her. I think it's because she's the kind of woman you marry, and I was busy being a pop star twat that wasn't ready to commit to a favorite drink let alone a relationship. She's watched me date some girls that treated me like absolute shit (not all of them were bad, but some of them were horrible) and she was always there to pick me up. It's about time I treated her like I should have been treating her all along. Y/n, you make me a better person. Even more, you make me WANT to be a better person. I would be honored if you let me call you mine."

Turning off the stove, you threw on leggings, a baggy sweater, and shoes. You grabbed your bag and your keys and made your way, quick as you could, to Conor's flat. You didn't even bother knocking, you just let yourself in. "Conor!" You called, running into the flat

"He's upstairs. Why did you ignore us?" Jack asked, sounding upset and standing in front of the stairs.

"I didn't look at my phone. I was at the office until almost 9 and I saw he posted about a girl and I just wanted to be alone. I didn't know it was me." You said, out of breath and looking a mess.

Jack smiled, realizing you hadn't actually hurt Conor. Standing aside, he clapped your shoulder. "Go get 'em."

You ran up the stairs and felt along the wall for the lightswitch. "Conor?" You called, but didn't get a response. Turning the light on, you saw Conor. Rolled up in his damn blanket, fast asleep. Pulling out your phone, you snapped a picture and opened Twitter. You retweeted his tweet with the link and added "This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me." and then opened a new one. "I can't believe I get to call this adorkable burrito boy, mine." And added the picture.

Setting your stuff down, you went into his bathroom and started the shower. Peppering his face with kisses, you woke Conor up. "Come on." You said, kissing him on the lips before walking into the bathroom.

"Y/n?" Conor called behind you, obviously a little confused. You stripped out of your clothes and got into the shower, holding your hand out to him when he joined you in the bathroom. He stripped and hesitantly stepped into the shower.

Like before, you lathered up your hands and ran them over his skin, a huge grin on your face. "Will you sing it?" You asked, pulling him to you, bare chest to bare chest and rubbing your hands in circles across his back.

A small smile formed on Conor's face as he started quietly singing. "If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea, I'll sail the world to find you." His hands found their place on your waist and you tucked your face into his neck. "If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see, I'll be the light to guide you." He continued on, the two of you swaying back and forth under the warm water.

"I thought you rejected me." He said, slipping his arms around you and pulling you tight to his chest.

"Not at all. I didn't even watch your video until I got home from work and saw my phone blown up with texts." You said leaning back to look at his face.

"I'm an idiot for not realizing I had already found you. I've spent the last few weeks trying to prove that you weren't a rebound." He laughed.

"You don't need to prove anything to me, love. Even if your video was about someone else, I would have been here taking care of you when you needed me to." you said, leaning up to kiss him.

"Mmmmm, I'm so glad I get to do this now." He said, deepening the kiss.

"Me too." You replied, your hands coming up to sit on either side of his face. "I may or may not have posted a picture of you in your burrito."

"Oh, God." He laughed. "It's okay, I'll get you back. I'm great at posting unflattering photos of the people I love."

You couldn't help but smile at that. "Oh, I know what I signed up for. I'm also pretty sure you just said you loved me."

"And I'm pretty sure you should know that by now." He said, resting his forehead against yours.

"You ready for bed, love?" You asked, rinsing the soap from you both.

"Only if you stay. I've been an anxious wreck all day and I'm exhausted, but I don't want to go to bed without you." He said, pressing a kiss to your lips.

"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." You replied, turning off the water and pulling him out of the shower.

Conor looked you up and down as you dried off, making your cheeks go pink. You went to throw your leggings back on for bed, but Conor stopped you. "Come on, blushing beauty." He pulled you into the bedroom, shut the lights off, and climbed into bed without redressing. He opened his arms and waited for you to join him.

Climbing in and laying against his chest, you felt him tuck the blanket around the two of you. "I could definitely get used to this." You said, closing your eyes and slowly running your fingers up and down his side.

"I think I'm already past used to it. I don't think I could live without it." He said, kissing the top of your head and trailing his fingers in designs on your back.

"Sing it one more time?" You asked, knowing it was the cheesiest thing you could do.

You could feel Conor's chuckle in his chest. "Of course, love." He said, starting the song over. You never thought you'd be the girl Conor sang to sleep, but his voice was the last thing you heard before you gave in and fell asleep, the rythym of his voice and the rise and fall of his chest serenading you into slumber.

[returntosaturn271995]

September 30th: 5 K (the prequel)

Rainy days have a folksy ambiance to them in beach towns. The sky is a bright grey with slivers of white gold sun bouncing off the ocean.

They also happen to be my favorite days to run as I hit a completely doable 5 K today, exactly a week before the race. I cried staring into the ocean that was so hauntingly beautiful it looked like the setting of a lesbian period piece. You know, if there weren't so many stoner surfers bobbing around with their stupid waterproof watches.

Two days ago I was only able to get to 2.6 miles, with stops, due to my shin splints. I was worried I wouldn't even be able to run next week and have to admit that I couldn't hit a pretty reasonable goal.

Today I went non-stop at a faster pace.

I promised myself it would be an easy run, and on my body it was. My head wouldn't shut up. That's what I'm working with and against.

Holy hell if that hasn't been a metaphor for everything lately.

I thought I was going too slow at multiple points, sure that I was going at a 12-minute pace when I was actually going 9. Going 9 felt really slow. It still required effort and conscious relaxation. It required fortitude, love, and a sense of humor.

It did not, nor will it ever, require "PUSH PUSH, GRIND YOU LITTLE BITCH, KEEP GOING, KEEP GRINDING".

I do not grind. I flow. Too much screaming and I want to sit poutily and light a cigarette (and I don't even smoke).

Instead, a voice that didn't belong to a mean P.E. coach (or let's be real, my dad), pulled me forward instead of pushing. "You can absolutely do this, just keep breathing and moving through it. Relax your shoulders, breathe into your stomach, you can jog, just keep going. If you go slow, that just means you ran for longer."

Is 3.1 miles in 25-30 minutes a big deal? No. But it's a huge fucking deal to me. My royal blue "Pacific Beach 5 K and half marathon" tank top and placard came in the mail and they're mine. I'm just a regular running chick. That's exciting.

I also hit 39.1 (because the .1 counts more than you'll ever know) miles this month. 63 K. Over 6 hours of running. I'm going to be proud of that. I have to let myself be proud of that or what's the point?

At 23, I would have taken a knock and cried in bed, hurting and hating myself. At 28, I stretch and exercise before crying and then pay for my own Outback Steakhouse LIKE A WOMAN.

My mind keeps circling back to my therapy challenge for this month. Why do I feel like a certain level of self-compassion is self-delusion? 23-year-old me deserved to be held and told she could handle things in smaller steps, and that it's human to feel overwhelmed and unworthy. She needed the voice to pull her forward into little tasks and goals instead of the scary coach making everything into a race that felt impossible to win.

Standing under the gorgeous pier with actual tears in my eyes, I saw a family of four, two little girls, taking photos. Passing the condos I saw a truly iconic MILF in her late 40s sipping red wine with a tasteful taupe poncho off a tanned shoulder, sitting at a marble table with long nails and blown-out hair.

The showers where I normally wash the sand off my toes were broken so I held my Asics in my right hand and walked bare-foot and red-faced up the pier. Were men staring at my abs or judging me for being barefoot? What's delulu and what's trulu? (If you're reading this in the future that's a super trendy joke FYI. I am a woman of the times.)

Either way, fuck 'em.

Then it started raining. It cleaned off my feet and ruined an already pretty-fucked up ponytail. I didn't care. It was warm rain, the kind that sprinkles you with kisses and hides the occasional tear.

I felt like I had done something right. And often oh god I feel so wrong.

Of course that was therapy question number 2.

Who would you be if you didn't believe something was wrong with you?

[thegreyj]

A lucky broken leg

Rowaelin month day 5: A trip to the hospital @rowaelinscourt

I'm not entirely happy with this one, but I did enjoy writing a flustered Aelin!

CW: injury, hospital, embarrassed Aelin (no angst)

Enjoy!

A lucky broken leg

Aelin Galathynius had a bucket list. When her parents died, she had found a piece of paper in their belongings, which turned out to be a list of the dreams she had as a child. On the list there had been things she had already done, so they were easily crossed over like ‘ride a pony’ and ‘get a dog’. Aelin’s friends found her challenge hilarious, because so many of the dreams weren’t what an adult might think of.

So far, she had built her own teddy bear, gotten a unicorn onesie and bought one piece of each candy at the store.

Her current task was to get to sit inside a fire truck. The only problem was that there were no groups for adults to go visit fire stations, and she had no way to join a children’s group either. Her only shot was to just walk inside the firehouse and ask them directly.

And to her surprise, it worked!

She was sitting at the driver’s seat of a fire truck, flirting with the firefighter when the alarm went off. Aelin hurried off the truck as her flirting partner ran to put on his equipment. She waved a goodbye and yelled a thanks, which she was almost certain went to deaf ears as all the hustle and bustle was intense.

Happily, she now was walking with a bounce towards her apartment building to go cross over the ‘sit in a fire truck’ from her list. She was humming with excitement, which her friends still found odd, because the tasks Aelin was doing were literally a child’s dream.

She almost missed it. The quiet scream of help. She followed the sound a bit and found a little girl who had fallen down a ditch. It had rained the past weeks, so the mud was slippery.

“Stay calm! I’m gonna call for help!” Aelin yelled down at the girl who just told her to hurry. Who knows how long the girl had been down there. She seemed okay but couldn’t be certain. Aelin called the emergency services, when she was told that they had to wait for a while as the closest team was still finishing up at their previous assist. Aelin sat down to keep the girl company.

**

Maybe twenty minutes later Aelin heard the sirens, so she told the girl she was going to go show them where to go. And much to Aelin’s surprise, she met up with the same group of firefighters she had just spent her morning with.

“Well, well, well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” the blonde firefighter started flirting with Aelin, who just chuckled and waved him off.

“Well, I suppose I might be, but it’s not me who needs help. There’s a young girl fallen down the ditch, I’ll show you.”

And down they went. Aelin stood to the side to watch as the girl was rescued from the ditch and taken to the paramedics to be checked over. The blonde firefighter turned towards Aelin once more, and as he was beginning to say something, the time suddenly felt like it slowed down. Aelin’s foot slipped and she literally tumbled down the same ditch she had just watched someone else be rescued from.

“Ouch!” Aelin yelled as she fell on her leg, definitely injuring herself. She hadn’t even been standing in a place where she might fall, but mud worked in mysterious ways.

“What was it that you said about not needing help? Aren’t you happy to be in the presence of such hunky firefighters,” the blonde firefighter said. If Aelin’s memory was correct, his name was Moonbeam.

“Shut up, Moonbeam, and get me out!” her voice was strained, as if she was in pain. Which she was, but the others hadn’t realised it yet.

“Alright, hold on a moment. Are you alright, though?”

“Uhh, I’m pretty sure my foot isn’t supposed to be in this angle but otherwise okay. It hurts like a bitch though!” Aelin yelled while watching the firefighter slide down the ditch while being connected to a harness. She supposed they were used to doing rescue work, since the movements seemed almost second nature to them. She did as instructed, lifting her arms to be hooked on the harness and ground her teeth in pain when her leg moved as they were pulled back towards the road.

While back up there, the firefighter carried her to the paramedics who had finished checking over the little girl already and deemed her okay.

“What do we have here?” one of the paramedics, a female a bit older than Aelin asked.

“Uhh I fell down and hurt my leg,” Aelin stated with a red face. She was embarrassed she had fallen down, and even more so that she’d gotten hurt. And the flirty firefighter had witnessed it all.

“Well, I’m fairly certain you have a broken leg, so we’re gonna take over now and get you some first aid and then take you to the hospital,” the paramedic said while beginning to do the necessary checkups.

“I suppose I can cross over ‘ride in an ambulance’ now too,” Aelin grumbled.

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing.”

**

After being admitted to the hospital, waiting a long time and having had an x-ray taken of her leg, Aelin finally managed to see the doctor.

Who was way too hot, so of course Aelin kept blushing and messing up her words as she tried to speak. The doctor – Whitethorn – seemed to be oblivious to the fact that Aelin was indeed blushing due to the doctor being hot and not because she had a fever. So, Aelin endured the situation, while the blush just kept getting worse, especially every time the doctor looked at her.

“Are you sure you’re not feeling dizzy? Warm? Sick?” the doctor asked.

“Y-yes, doctor. I mean I am a little warm but that’s because-, “Aelin suddenly shut up. She almost had blurted out that she thought the doctor was hot.

“Because of what?” Of course the doctor wouldn’t let it go. Aelin tried to rack her brain for an explanation that wouldn’t embarrass her further, but luck wasn’t on her side.

“Well? If you’re ill, I can help you, but not unless you won’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m warm, because… Because… Well, because Ithinkyou’rehotokay,” she finally blurted out while hoping the ground would just swallow her.

“Sorry? I didn’t quite catch that,” the doctor said.

“I feel warm because I think you’re hot, OKAY?” Aelin nearly yelled because she just wanted the situation to be over. Then a chuckle was heard from the door. It was firefighter Moonbeam. Gods, could this day get any worse?

“Ah, I see you’re doing just fine. Apparently, you find dear Rowan hear far sexier than me. And to think I came to see how you are and maybe ask you for a date,” the firefighter laughed at Aelin’s mortified face and the doctor’s confused one.

“Dear gods, just take me away now,” Aelin muttered.

“Fen, what are you doing here?” doctor Whitethorn asked. Apparently, they knew each other, just what Aelin needed.

“Well, I saved this lady from the distress she had ended up in and thought I’d come see how the damsel is faring. I see everything is going well and I’m not needed,” firefighter Moonbeam responded before whispering to the doctor “ask her out!”

Then he left, leaving an embarrassed Aelin and the now blushing doctor alone.

“I- uh- there’s- I have to go,” the doctor just vanished from the room. Aelin was now alone with her thoughts and embarrassment. If only she could go home to hide under the pile of blankets.

**

All in all, Aelin was otherwise okay except for a broken leg, which now held a cast. She got some crutches and instructions to rest the leg for at least a few weeks and come back in six weeks for a check-up. Aelin thanked the nurse while being wheeled out of the hospital. With all luck, Aedion was already waiting for her outside.

“I’ll take over, nurse Oaks,” Aelin heard a male voice behind her. The nurse walked away while doctor Whitethorn presumed wheeling Aelin outside. The blush came back on Aelin’s face.

“I think- now that we’re outside the hospital and you’ve been discharged – that I’m no longer your doctor. And it won’t be unprofessional for me to ask you on a date,” the doctor started.

“Well, doctor, I didn’t hear a question there,” Aelin managed to sound somewhat confident in spite of the massive blush giving away her emotions.

“Call me Rowan. And- well- I- Would you like to go out with me? Maybe have dinner?” the doctor sounded a bit flustered. Aelin stared at him for a while, before responding.

“I’d love to, Rowan. You have my number,” Aelin said and waved to Aedion who was just pulling over by the hospital doors. With a smile she said her goodbyes to the grinning doctor and told him she’d be expecting his contact. The doctor nodded and turned to go back inside.

This had been a weird day, but at least Aelin had managed to complete two of her childhood bucket list tasks. And she had gotten a date to top it all off. Having her leg broken seemed to bring a bit of luck for her.

--

Tags: | @rowanaelinn​ | @morganofthewildfire​ | @tomtenadia​ | @leiawritesstories​ | @aelinchocolatelover​ | @backtobl4ck​ | Let me know if you want to be on my Rowaelin taglist.

[huenjin]

just wanna be loved.

pairing: hyunjin x reader | bff2l!au, pornstar!au, lawyer!au

word count: 4.512 words.

tw: pornstar!hyunjin, mentions of alcohol, nsfw content — dick piercing!hyunjin, dom!hyunjin, porn shooting [mutual masturbation, blow job], making out, office sex, blow job, hand job, mouth fucking, deep throating, a lil ball play, just a lil, facial, fingering, clitoral stimulation. establishment of fwb relationship !! reader is super heartless !! and hyunjin must be protected at all costs !!!

music rec: can you hold me | nf

note: pt ii. of the pornstar!hyunjin series. read pt i. here. it's finally here and it has a plot. thank you for convincing me to make this into a series, i'm grateful and i hope you enjoy this as much as i did writing. unedited, like every other work of mine.

hyunjin swears to god that he has been at the very brim of snapping at the next person he sees.

see, hyunjin is a very patient person, usually. very very patient. but with how you are ignoring his calls blatantly, his head spirals out of control. it is the pent up frustration of being forgotten even temporarily by you that gets him on the verge to snap.

and not even his hands moving frantically up and down his dick before the woman in front of him as she touches herself to the sight of a naked man masturbating — lights hitting off the piercings to make the angles sharper as the camera pans out from his hands wrapped around his cock to the scene before them — is enough to get this anger to fuel down.

how dare you ignore him after everything that went down? after him saying he doesn't want to lose his friendship, after him saying you're the one person in his life that he cherishes the most?

his hand moves quicker and the woman crawls forward. her hand is still covering her core as her fingers plunge deep into her, the squelching sounds so loud to hyunjin's ears. she sticks her tongue out only to lick small stripes at the head of his cock, her tongue circling around his piercings.

hwang hyunjin is usually a calm person but the very thought of this woman not being you, is more than enough to anger him today.

the black hair he now dons is slick with sweat and sticks to his forehead. you should have noticed that. he storied it on instagram, for fuck's sake, just to get your attention and what does he get in return? nothing. usually, you would tease him over his poor scalp, or tell him that he looked good. this time, however, he gets dirty silence and he knows he is to be blamed.

hyunjin rubs his cock from the base as the woman wraps her lips around the head, tongue lapping every single drop of precum from that oozes out from him. not that porn ever subjected him to fantasise about the woman before him, his mind automatically shifts to you.

and god, were you beautiful that night under him. it's your breasts that come into his head first, the way your hands trailed over them and played with them before him. the way you begged for him. the way you were his even if it were just a night.

and that's enough to bring him close. you are enough to break down hyunjin completely and leave him defenseless. he ruts into his hand and the woman moves further down, taking hyunjin more as he gasps.

hyunjin signals at the director and he calls for a cut. the woman takes him out from his mouth and he comes undone in his hand. he spills all over his hand messily, spilling it on to his stomach and his thigh. the staff members rush into the scene — to help hyunjin clean himself up and to his co-star with a good amount of fake cum lube that she fills her mouth with for the next take.

maybe hyunjin did ruin a friendship. he should bear the consequences rightfully.

but not until he hears it from you. hyunjin needs to hear it directly from you.

that is what leads hyunjin to your law office — kim and chang — right after his shoot. the sun has set and he knows you would be done with work for the day hopefully, unless you took up even more pro bono cases to keep yourself busy. at least this is what hyunjin keeps saying in his head to justify you ignoring him.

he has been here before and he knows exactly where your office is. hyunjin used to brag once upon a time about being a very level headed person, about how he wants what he wants. that's what made him take this whole pornstar path as he studies law at the same time. he wants to work here in seoul's biggest law firm, with you. the path to that, however, is a tough one (and an expensive one) and he knows. but if there is one thing hyunjin knows, it is that time is a bitch.

and time is such a huge bitch that hwang hyunjin walks in to your office exactly when seo changbin, your boyfriend, breaks up with you.

(not that he wasn't expecting it. just that he hoped it were already done and that it was you dumping seo's shitty arse.)

"we can't do this anymore, y/n. you and i," he sighs, "we're not compatible. you're broken and—"

"hate to break in between," hyunjin clutches the wooden door of your office room tightly, anger seething through him as soon as he heard the word you and broken in the same sentence. "but, don't pin your inefficiency on the girl, man."

"excuse me?" seo changbin looks like he got slapped on his face. hyunjin's eyes flickers momentarily towards you — your delicate figure holding the wooden edges of your table in disbelief, and he knows you — you who would normally do a good job defending as a lawyer, would do a pathetic job right now defending your honour because you loved seo changbin once upon a time and your heart could never set you upto that again.

"i said what i said, dude," hyunjin walks in to the office completely. he leaves the door open, wider than before almost as if he is signaling changbin to walk out, that this is not his place for him to walk and do what he wants, that you are your own individual and you deserved so much better — someone who would love you for the most perfect being you are in his eyes (albeit that being not him as much as he wishes it could be).

changbin drifts his gaze from the man to you and asks, "were you dating someone else while you were with me?"

"hyunjin is not someone else, binnie," you bite your lower lip. "and no, i was not. this breakup involves just the two of us. we don't need a third person involved to ruin what we had. the two of us were enough to burn it down into ashes."

"i'll see you tomorrow then," changbin shuffles the balance on his feet, looking uncomfortably at you and shooting hyunjin a look filled with disgust. "are you looking at some pro bono cases and staying overtime? i told you—"

"you don't have a tag anymore to tell me anything, changbin. so drop it. i'll do what i have to do." your voice is ice cold and even hyunjin, a third person in this whole scene, feels the shudder run down his spine.

changbin drops his shoulders in defeat and merely mumbles, "let's get along well, y/n. we are colleagues after all," before leaving your office. you take a step back, chest steadily rising and falling and you lean against your office table, your grip on it strong.

and if there is one thing that can make him forget everything — his emotions, his well being, his sanity — it is you. the very sight of you hurting with all the built up emotions from what just happened makes hyunjin forget the anger of being forgotten.

all he wants to do at this point is be there for you.

he looks at your quivering figure, head down and he knows your eyes are probably brimming with the tears you are trying to hold back. your knuckles are pale at how hard you are holding the table and hyunjin hates how another man just hurt you right before him.

hyunjin carefully takes a step forward, mumbling, "do you want a hug?"

you nod, your head down and your gaze on your feet firm on the tiled floors of your office. you can hear the soft foot steps of your best friend getting louder with every millisecond before his arms wrap around your figure and he is pulling you into his warm chest, humming the tune you are so familiar with from him. his embrace is warm, and his big, strong arms seemed very protective when wrapped around your frail body. the world around you melts away as you squeezed him back, not wanting the moment to end.

and you sob. soft coughed up sobs that you tried so hard to hold it in but it was all useless. the minute hyunjin's arms wrapped around you, you let lose and unhinged. it was always like that.

because hyunjin was like an anchor to you. he was the anchor to steady your capsized boat in the storms. he didn't necessarily have to also be the lighthouse but for you, hyunjin being the anchor was more than enough right now.

"i'm not going to apologise for ignoring you, hwang," you mumble into his chest as hyunjin pats your head gently. you pull away after a second more and lean back against the table. you look down for a short while before turning back and grabbing the green bottle of soju, half empty, and chugging it down your esophagus.

hyunjin's eyes widen and he's about to stop you when you're all done and have slammed the bottle down on the table, cheeks heating up in the effect of what hyunjin would seem is the trick of the light.

hyunjin has seen you twice in the span of two weeks and both the times you were drunk, not to the level of passing out and waking up with a hangover — the two of you were not kids anymore for that — but still intoxicated enough to magnify every intense emotion you felt within you.

and if it were lust and validation the last time, this time it was the angst of putting up with a man trashy enough to now have the tag of your ex.

"can you get me—"

"use me."

"what?"

hyunjin bites his lower lip before tugging away at the dead skin in nervousness. he runs a hand through his black hair, on which your eyes unhelpfully linger for a second more than usual. he takes a step forward and repeats with strong affirmation, "use me, y/n. you're good at it. you're good at using people. that's what makes you an insanely good lawyer. you know who to keep close, who to get attached to and what to get from them. so i insist, use me as anything as you want. i'll be your best friend, your punch bag, your comfort, your drinking buddy, your anything. just—" he gulps, before locking his gaze with yours, eyes almost shining as if they held stars behind his irises. "just use me."

there is a small part in you that is deeply offended by the words that come from his mouth; by the words he so carelessly managed to throw around without bothering to think about how it would affect him. but the magnified, intense emotion to want to stop thinking, have the oxygen supply to your brain cut off for just a while to rid you of all the thoughts is higher.

"i—"

"do you not want to? of course i do understand—"

"shut up," you groan and the next thing your body prompts you to do is grab his wrist, pull him closer, turn around and pin him against your office desk as you kiss him, lips crashing against his and moving as if he was exactly what you needed after a rough day.

hyunjin doesn't exactly remember when and where things started going down the hill. you were his best friend. you are his best friend and yet best friends don't kiss. best friends don't fuck and for sure, best friends don't tell the other to use them only for them to knock the living lights out of them with a kiss that slips consciousness out of him.

hell be damned, he wasn't even sure if he was dreaming right now, but there was a raw emotion in the way you kissed him and in the way you leaned upwards slightly to curl your fingers in his hair and tug at it as you angled the kiss, lips moving against his in a separate emotion altogether.

best friends definitely do not do this.

you part your lips and feel hyunjin washing over like a wave of warmth, curling your toes, unfurling all your senses as the taste of him nearly silenced all thoughts. exactly as you wanted him and if his taste was what blocked everything, you needed more.

your whole body tingled, the feel of his frame leaning on yours further as his arms wrapped around yours feels nearly forbidden. you pull back, breath uneasy and gaze wavering at your best friend and you know he's what he is — insatiable as fuck. hyunjin pulls you in, claiming your mouth again, hungry and intense, until your knees almost give in. by the time you are aware of your own fingers, they had already slipped under his shirt, his skin smooth and radiating heat.

you pull back, chest rising frantically and you grip his white shirt tightly, yout hand soaking in the warmth of his body as you let go of his shirt and your fingers play with the edges of his pants.

"fuck my mouth," you say quickly, before kneeling down, unbuttoning his pants, looking upwards for a sign of approval and hyunjin's breath hitches. what ever would the porn he stars in account to when you are a whole fucking porn on legs?

"are you sure? i mean, i could give you an or—"

"later. stop overthinking everything," you sigh. "we'll do that later together. now can i or should i stop?"

hyunjin's hand moves down messily to unzip his pants and your lips curve upwards as you look at the man being reckless. he pulls his pants down in a rush along with his boxers only for his half erect cock to hit his stomach slightly before presenting itself to you.

when hyunjin fantasised about having your mouth wrapped around his cock earlier that day, he definitely didn't expect it this soon. but here you were, before him on your knees, taking his hardened dick in your hands as you spit on his shaft and move your hands over it slightly. it is probably the emotions and the feelings he holds for you that get him to harden and grow further in your grip and your eyes widen before you look away.

your thumb rubs against the frenum piercings — three consecutively to make a small ladder arrangement and you gasp. this must feel insane when he fucks your mouth — just as good as it did when he fucked you hard weeks back.

you look back up at him, hand moving around his shaft a little more rigidly and you tell him, "the black hair suits you better. fuck, you look like sex with that so, keep it," and you take his head into your mouth before hyunjin could say anything. he stutters, hand gripping the table tightly as you hollow your mouth and take him, tongue rolling against the metal balls on the underside of his cock.

"f-fuck," hyunjin gasps, head rolling back as you take more of him into your mouth, sucking on it lewdly. "your mouth feels so good, y/n, oh my—" and he moans so loud that you find yourself dampening your panties with your own arousal. hyunjin has pretty, pretty moans. it's deep, guttaral and makes you want to emit more of those from his pretty lips.

you take him out of your mouth, kissing the head, sucking at it with just your lips. you kiss him down his shaft, tongue lapping against the frenum piercings a little longer than you should and hyunjin knows by now for sure — you love his piercings.

"wow, you're getting harder," you gasp as you lick the precum from the head of his shaft before licking up from the base of his cock to the very top. you suck a little more of just his head, so delectable and angry, and hyunjin groans, hand finally leaving the table to hold your hair strongly.

"don't tease, y/n," and his voice is so strong that you can't help yourself but take him finally into your mouth, hollowing as much as you can as you slowly take him completely in your mouth and hyunjin releases a series of swear words laced with your name in the middle.

it's the sight of you in your formal shirt and pencil skirt, so prim and proper and yet you are taking him in your mouth, emitting such lewd sounds that it's pornographic. it's the way he feels you taking him in as deep as you can to get used to his length and girth. it's the way he see you slip your fingers secretly into your panties to rub your clit. it's the way you occasionally look at him from below, with tears in your eyes as you take him as deep as you can, choking on his cock.

if he were to pinpoint one, hyunjin could never. he would hold every single reason responsible for him to grip harder on your head and to thrust into your mouth just as you asked from him.

"you wanted this, right?" he groans, harshly, voice octaves deeper. "wanted my big fucking cock down your throat just to make you dumb and make you forget about everything. you wanted me to fuck your mouth so hard and to shoot my cum down your throat."

hyunjin's cock is heavy and warm on your tongue. he thrusts into your mouth and your right hand shovestwo fingers deep into your sopping core at the exact same time, trying to match his pace. the tears stream down from your face and all you can think is how good you feel being fucked like this, to have hyunjin's cock in your mouth. your jaw begins to ache from the constant task of fitting his fat girth into your mouth, but the feeling of him sliding against your tastebuds — the metal balls dragging against your wet tongue — and battering the back of your throat makes your eyes roll into the back of your head. hyunjin's grip on your hair is stronger to position your face and yet you release another moan, the vibrations rolling against his cock as his hips snaps forward to push his cock deeper.

the gags that leave your mouth is loud, the wet drippings leaking along with the sputtering afters of precum from the side of your mouth and staining your white shirt. your panties are soiled with how hard and fast you plunge your fingers in to bring you close.

"oh god," hyunjin's grip loosens on your hair for a bit before he continues thrusting into your mouth lightly. "god, i could fuck your mouth all night long and then fuck your cunt even harder." he grabs a fist full of your hair to hold you down before he goes back to thrusting harder into your mouth.

"eyes on me, baby. i'm going to shove my dick down your throat, okay?" he says. you quickly nod, your thumb rubbing your clit harshly and then he shoves you down his length and holds you still. you can feel his dick at the very back of your mouth as you choke on it, tears spilling messily down your face and ruining your makeup. hyunjin counts slowly, "five. four. three. two," and he slowly lets go, "one."

you gasp, breathing in as much air as you can as he takes his dick out, "that's my good girl. so good for me. now let me fuck your mouth again, oh good lord."

he holds your jaw with his other hand, pressing slightly in an attempt not to hurt you more as he holds your hair with the other. hyunjin angles your face up to look at him. your eyes are watery, makeup ruined and may the fury of the hells be with him, but he would sin and fornicate a twenty times more if this is the sight before him. you've ruined hyunjin for every other girl now and you don't even realise it.

hyunjin's hips begin to stutter soon, losing their tempo has he chased his orgasm. how ironic that he asked you to use him and yet here you were letting him use you in turn. his grip on your hair tightens as he feels it tightening in him. the room is filled with nothing but the sound of his balls slapping against your chin, muffled moans coming from your stuffed mouth and rapid panting from him.

hyunjin's breathing hitches and you remove your fingers from your cunt. it is sticky and coated with your arousal as you reach out to use the same hand to hold his balls. hyunjin gasps, holding your head a little stronger as you play with it when he fucks your mouth.

"fucking killing me," he grunts. "you're fucking killing me, y/n." you press your tongue flat as hyunjin finally drags his cock out. you gasp heavily, mouth sore and aching and vision blurry. however, all you can think is of rolling your numb tongue against his metal piercings and you do the very same, tugging at it occasionally.

“fuck, y/n!” he grunts out, trying to hold out a loud moan. his hips still surges forward to hit the bridge of your nose. you wrap your hands around his cock, feeling him become even more rigid in your grip. your rub his length as quick as you can till his dick quivers and hyunjin repeats under his breath, "i'm going to come, i'm going to come, i'm goi— fuck!"

hyunjin comes undone on your face. white spurts leaving his cock and coating your cheeks and your chin only to drop down onto your blouse and stain it further and it is a sight to behold. seeing you covered in his cum, almost like he was marking you, is enough to make him go hard again. your eyes are wide as he spurts his release on your face and the side of your neck and it's all so messy and hot that it has you leaving your mouth open unknowingly.

his brown eyes take in the sight of your swollen pink lips, cheeks tinged red and covered in tears and spit, and now his cum. hyunjin feels his cock twitch slightly as a pang of arousal shoots through his body again. but he has to ignore that. you are worn out and he needs to attend to your needs now that he knows you just gave him one mind blowing orgasm and in return hasn't had any.

hyunjin is about to lift you up when you hold his wrist, tongue jutting out to lick all the cum by the side of your lips, taking in as much as you can with your tongue and hyunjin gulps at the sight, his adam's apple bobbing oh so visibly.

"i have a proposition," you say. your voice almost sounds like something grating against the sand paper and hyunjin can't help but feel proud (as worried as he is). he listens to you as he squats down to maintain eye contact with you.

"oh?" he raises his eyebrows at you and you nod. hyunjin is trying his best to focus on you and your words and not how his come is on your face, marking you up to him as his.

"let's be friends with benefits."

and that was enough for him to focus back on your words. his feet is firm on the floor as he asks, "what?"

"it's a win-win situation, clearly. i need you for many reasons." you lift your hand up to count. "a) you're my best friend and i value this friendship a lot." hyunjin scoffs and you choose to ignore it as you continue, lifting another finger up, "b) you're the only one who has made me come and i need orgasms and validation. you give me both. we'll be exclusive and the minute you want to date someone, we break this off."

hyunjin feels his chest heavy. why are you making this so much harder? why are you jeopardizing everything? he doesn't know if this arrangement would be for the better or for the worse but after giving him the best orgasm he has had in a while and with all the oxytocin streaming in his blood veins, he knows his decision could account for all his miseries turning from unrequited love to rejection.

"and?"

"c) i haven't been able to explore much sexually, changbin being my first and everything and i want you to teach me as much as you know with your experience," you lift the third finger before closing them all and looking at him with nothing but hope.

"come again?"

"that's the plan," you laugh at your own joke to calm the uneasy tension in the room. "but it's true. that was the first time a guy has fucked my mouth or deep throated me and i fucking loved it."

hyunjin gulps visibly, his dick hardening and you look down at it. "you know you can say yes," you mumble as you desperately shift your gaze back at your best friend. "please? you could teach me how to come on my own."

"what's in it for me, y/n? every single point you said benefits you more than it does for me." hyunjin sits down, bringing his knees closer to him as he wraps his arms around it.

"you told me to use you. isn't that the whole point of using someone? i'll be benefited more than you will ever be. you can't go back on your words now."

hyunjin thinks the word heartless and yet again you were not. the proposition was seemingly harmless, but it sounded all like a big hazard signal to him because he has feelings for you that you are so clearly not aware of.

the thing with being so whipped for a person, to be so wrapped around their finger that all one can think of is them? you do anything for them, anything to make them happy. that's how stupid love makes one. that's how crazy love has made hyunjin, because as much as he is at a disadvantage, he can't help.

"alright. let's be friends with benefits."

and hyunjin knows that it is his heart that will break in the end. but at the very least, it will only be his.

[mayans-sauce]

Gemma’s Daughter (1/?)

Pairing: Angel Reyes x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.8K

Warnings: Cursing, angst, yelling, cheating, heartbreak, physical fight

Request by anon which you can find HERE

A/N: thank you for the request! Sorry it’s a little late. I changed it up a bit by having Jax and Gemma still be alive as well as some other things. I’m really happy with how this turned out so I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it <3

Sign up HERE to join my taglist!

GROUP CHAT for updates!

Gif Credit: @pedropcl

This was the third time Angel’s phone went straight to voicemail. It was the middle of the night, and he said he would be home 3 hours ago for his and your movie night which at the end of it, you would share some thrilling life-changing news. You were worried sick about him not returning your calls, worried that something serious had happened. What if he was hurt? Or worse, dead? You decided to shoot him a text; maybe he was doing something important, making it so he couldn’t pick up right now.

📲 Angel😇

Baby, where are you? I’m worried! Please just let me know if you’re safe ok? I have something exciting to tell you. Love you❤️

You texted some of the other guys. None of them had heard anything from him. They told you not to worry. He was probably caught up with something and would turn up eventually. Luckily your brother Jax picked up when you called. You asked him for some guidance on if you should sound the alarm or wait until Angel gave off noise. Since he was in the same life as your husband, you figured he would know what’s best. He told you better to wait. That he was most likely dealing with something that had taken his full attention. If he didn’t turn up tomorrow, Jackson said he would take the drive over to help you look for him. You were so thankful for your big brother. He was always there to help you whenever he could. To protect and love you.

You refused to go to sleep before he came home or before he called you, so you knew he was safe and sound. Some movie was playing on the TV that you didn’t pay much attention to. The battle between you and your eyelids was still going strong. All of a sudden, you were woken up from your zombie state by the front door opening and closing. Footsteps that belonged to no other than Angel made their way into the dim-lit living room.

“Angel!” His movements were sort of clumsy. A sign that he had been drinking. You came to stand at his side. Holding him up by his forearm as it looked like he was going to faint face down ass up on the floor any second. Your nose scrunched up at the strong smell of the alcohol on him. “Angel, I was worried sick! Where were you?” “I was out with my brother.” His words had a pinch of sluggishness in them as he spoke. “We were supposed to have our movie night! We haven’t seen each other all week, and this was going to be our evening together.”

“Ugh,” he tugged himself out of your grasp, which took you by surprise. “Why are you so bossy all the time? I’m a grown man. I can take care of myself.” His words started to sting a little, but you didn’t think that much of it. He was shitfaced drunk, and he wasn’t his usual self. “Angel I-“ “No, you listen here, I’m sick and tired of you always going; oh Angel this oh Angel that,” he tried to mimic your voice but failed miserably, “like shut up. Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second in your life and stop being so fucking clingy.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing from him. The tears in your eyes started to build up as you held two protective hands over your stomach. Your mouth was slightly agape in disbelief. “A-Angel ple-please-“ “No, I don’t fucking care right now. I’m leaving.” And just like that, he turned around and walked out. The force of the door slamming shut shook the whole house as you were left with an emptiness inside you.

The tears ran down your cheeks like it was pouring rain outside. Your body trembled at the anxiety and stress you were feeling at what just happened. You looked down at where your hands were laid over your stomach. “I-I’m so sorry li-little bean. I’m so so-sorry, my sweetheart.”

In the morning, you woke up in the worst state you have ever been in. The same clothes as yesterday were still on you. The pounding in your head wouldn’t seem to stop. Your eyes raw from crying, and your throat felt like rough sandpaper. Wrapping the blanket around yourself, you padded down to the kitchen to get a glass of water. As you stared out the kitchen window, you saw your neighbor playing with their kids, which started the production of tears again.

A gasp left you of the sound from the front door opening and Angel’s voice calling for you. You met him in the living room—both of you staring at each other without saying a word. You should be mad at him, shouldn’t you? To scream at him for saying those hurtful things? But for some reason, your heart wouldn’t allow you to do so. You were just relieved that he had come home.

Angel was the first one to break the awkward silence. “Please… sit,” he pointed towards the sofa. You sat at one end while he took his place at the other. His face was in his hands. It looked like he had something to share with you. “Angel… what is it?” Your voice was nothing but a whisper. His eyes locked with yours and his heart broke when he saw what mess he had left you in. “I’m sorry for how I acted. Yelling at you like that…saying things that aren’t true… it’s not what you deserve. I don’t know what came over me and… I have something I need to tell you.” He looked up to you as tears welled up in his eyes. You gave him a slight nod, a sign that he could go ahead with whatever it was.

“When I left in the night, I was supposed to go over to pop's house to sleep. I didn’t take the bike because I was too shitfaced to drive, so I went on foot hoping that it would sober me up… and... I just kept walking and walking until I found myself… not at Felipe’s.” He peeked up to you from where he was looking down at the floor just a moment ago. His heart broke into microscopic pieces when he saw on your face that you knew where his story was most likely going. As much as he didn’t want to finish, he had to. He had to come clean and straight with you. You deserved that much.

“I found myself at Adelita’s place… and… we hooked up.” The silence after he said that was hefty and long. Once again, he was the one to break it. “Querida… it’s the biggest fucking mistake I have ever made in my fucking life. I don’t know what the fuck came over me to do something like that to you… to us.”

He tried to get a hold of your hand, but you pulled away in disgust. You didn’t want him to touch you after he had been feeling all up on her in the night while you were home alone crying yourself to sleep. You had no words, none. Your mouth was opening and closing, but nothing seemed to escape it. “Please say something.” “Where is she?” “I don’t see ho-“ “Goddammit Angel, just tell me where the fuck she is!” The scream you let out startled him. “Sh-she’s at the clubhouse… there was some emergency that needed to be taken care of, and it couldn’t wait till later.”

At lightning speed, you had grabbed the car keys and were out the door. Angel registered what the fuck was going on when he heard the engine's roar from the car. He was quick to his feet and on his bike to try and catch up before you did anything stupid.

Not thinking straight, you barge through the Templo doors to be met with Adelita and the rest of the MC standing over a map planning something. “Sweetheart, you aren’t supposed to be here,” Bishop said with a stern manner. You didn’t hear him. You didn’t care that you weren’t supposed to be in the room. All you could think about was the rage filling you up as she stood there gloating at you. A smug look on her face that you knew where your man had been last night, all cozy and tangled up together in her sheets.

She didn’t expect you to jump her and start beating the shit out of her; she knew you weren’t that type of girl, so it startled her when you did. That’s when Angel walked in out of breath and saw the scene in front of him that had him stand dead in his tracks as he watched. Your hands punched and scratched as you screamed, "I'm the mother of his child, not you bitch! Don’t ever touch him again!” You didn’t register what you said, and now everyone knew. She tried to fight back, but you were much more powerful than her.

It took the guys a few moments to pull you off as they were in sheer shock at what was going on in front of them. You were usually a shy and sweet girl that wouldn’t even hurt a fly. They were surprised that you so quickly took her down. Once pulled off, Taza escorted Adelita out since it was time for her to leave. “How in the fuck did you do that?” They almost said in unison. "Jax may be my brother, but my mother is Gemma, and you definitely don’t want to fuck with us.” You knew your mother would be proud of you for standing up for yourself and for putting that bitch in her place.

“Wait… you’re pregnant.” “Yes, Angel, I’m fucking pregnant, and you’ve just fucked up our whole relationship, our future.” The tears that were threatening to spill were managed to be put under control by your choice of not showing any of them how you truly felt, sad, empty, alone, and betrayed by Angel’s choices of thinking with his dick and not his fucking brain.

You were about to storm out when he grabbed you by the forearm. “Wait, please… we can fix this! Please let me fix this dulce.” “No, Angel,” you twisted your arm to get loose of his grip; the touch of him made you cringe, “the damage has already been done. I can’t fucking stand to look at you. Not now. I’m going home… I’m going home to Charming for a while.” And with that, you left Angel there to mend his broken pieces at losing the two of you…

To Be Continued

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Thank you for reading❤️ A quick reblog and feedback would be so appreciated❤️ Let me know if you want to be added/removed from the taglist.

MAYANS MC TAGLIST: @blessedboo @60shannon @bellisperennis0 @capnsaveahoe @diaryofkali @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @xvvalx @missswritings @theocatkov @pinguinstudiert @chibsytelford @encounterthepast @rawrlittlepanda-95 @beeroses @siriussnape07 @adaydreamaway08 @miss-nori85 @oldstuffnewstuff @omg-mymelaninisbeautiful @jatriciaaa @browneyes912 @cole-winchester @blackksunflower12 @phoenixhalliwell @cant-decide-at-this-moment @love-mesome-me @holl2712 @jennisdirtyimagines @balladbloodwrites @lilacyennefer @smallflower16 @marvelmaree @brwnlikefoxy @kaylaygrace @stupiddsapphicc @violet624 @boomclapxox @mijop @macgruberrr @queen-under-the-shire @missihart23 @vixemi @heeeeeres-saint @paintballkid711 @x-goddess-of-nature-x @angelreyesisdaddy04 @mrsmarvelous1995

ANGEL REYES TAGLIST: @spnaquakindgdom @Negansnympho89

[moon-light-jukebox]

Don’t Go - [Reid x Reader]

masterlist

Summary: After being tortured by Tobias Hankel, Dr. Spencer Reid is struggling and everyone can see it. Reader can’t bear his pain and tries to comfort him...only to be heartbroken when he says their night meant nothing.  

Pairing: Spencer Reid / Fem!Reader

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 10.6k

Genre: Angst. Angst. Angst. But fluff at the end cause I’m not a monster. 

Content Warning: Talk of drug use, language, penetrative sex, oral sex (female receiving), and just angst. All the angst. Get tissue. 

A/n: This is set over the arc of episodes  2x16 - 2x18. A special thank you to @imjusthereformggcontent and @catsadams for reading through the beginning of this in its first form. You’re both angels.  I hope this is everything y’all wanted it to be, my doves. Thank you for sticking with me. 

Request prompt: Can you write a fic where Spencer is high on dilaudid and tells you that your night together was nothing and that you're nothing to him. Then the next day he can't rember telling you and and he can't figure out why you are avoiding him.

-- Don’t Go -- 

The first indication I got that today wasn’t going to be normal came when Special Agent Grant Anderson shuffled into my office just after 9:30 am. He didn’t knock before he entered and then shut the door quickly behind him.

I glanced up from the paperwork in front of me, my eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “Something on your mind, Special Agent?” I teased.

Ever since Anderson made a mistake that led to SSA Elle Greenaway being shot a few months ago, a lot of people on this floor had been giving him the cold shoulder, despite the fact that Greenaway had forgiven him before she left the BAU.

When I first joined the bureau and was assigned to this unit, Anderson had been my first friend. He was there for me when I felt nervous and like I was a complete imposter. He’s the reason I was still a member of this team; I’d never turn my back on him.

“Something’s up with Reid.”

I propped both of my elbows on the desk, my chin resting on my folded hands. “Well, he was just abducted and tortured. That’s gonna have an effect on someone.”

Anderson was already shaking his head before I got done speaking. “This is different. I just tried to talk to him while he was getting some coffee. I asked him about David Tennant taking over as The Doctor and he…he snapped at me, y/l/n.”

Okay, that’s odd. “Maybe he just didn’t feel like talking,” I defended. “He was tortured, Grant.”

“I’ve known him since I started here. He’s…something is wrong.”

I leaned back, crossing my arms over my chest. “It can’t be anything too bad. I mean, he’s surrounded by profilers. His mentor is Jason Gideon for god’s sake. If something was wrong, they’d know.”

Anderson walked forward and braced his palms on my desk, his eyes boring into mine.

“Dr. Spencer Reid is also one of the best profilers in the world. I’m telling you, y/n, something is wrong.”

I conceded with a sigh. “What do we do?”

“I think you should talk to him.”

My spine stiffened. “Me? Why?” But I knew why.

Anderson scoffed. “You know how he looks at you. And I know how you look at him.”

Dr. Spencer Reid’s nervousness around me could have been blamed on many things, Anderson insisted it meant he liked me. I wasn’t convinced…because I saw how he looked at JJ.

How I looked at Reid was obvious. He was the most brilliant man I had ever met, he was kind, sweet, and his eyes sparkled when he talked about something he loved. My heart fluttered when he realized he was rambling and he blushed, and my day was made whenever he would seek me out to talk to me.

I had a crush on Spencer Reid.

“Alright,” I said. “I’ll talk to him.”

He shot me a relieved smile and backed away from the desk. “Sooner than later, please.”

Such a sassy bitch, I thought as he shut the door.

--

It was well after 6 pm when I gathered my things to leave the office that day. I had been hired as one of the many, many agents that worked under JJ. Media liaison wasn't her only role; she also fielded hundreds of requests for FBI assistance every week. It was my job to go through those requests, make initial judgments, and then send out responses.

I had always been happier working behind the scenes, so a job filled with paperwork suited me just fine. All I wanted to do was help catch bad guys, and with the BAU I felt like I was making a difference.

Speaking to Reid had been on my mind all day, but I had expected that I'd have the night to think up a plan of attack then talk to him first thing in the morning, but when I walked past the bullpen I saw him at his desk.

The entire floor appeared to be empty apart from him. His shoulders were hunched, his head resting in his hands.

I was opening the doors before I realized what was happening. I had crossed the distance until I was standing in front of him before I even knew what I was going to say.

“Reid,” I said softly. I almost touched him, but I didn’t think he’d like that. He didn’t seem to like to be touched.

His head snapped up; the circles under his eyes were darker than normal, his hair was messier than usual, and his clothing was in disarray. He cleared his throat, his tongue running over his dry lips.

He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to.

"I can't imagine what you're going through," I began, standing at the end of his desk. "I don't even know how to begin to think about it. So, I won't ask you to talk about it. I won't ask you to talk at all. I just…I just want you to know that I'm here if you just want a friend. If you want to grab some coffee and talk about nothing…whatever."

Those warm brown eyes were duller than I’d ever seen them, but they ran over my entire body quizzically, like he wasn’t sure I was even there.

After a beat, I decided it was best to leave him to it. I couldn't force him to accept my offer…not that I would force him even if I could. "Goodnight, Reid."

I turned and made my way back to the double glass doors of the bullpen. I hadn’t heard him move, so I was completely thrown off guard when his hand wrapped around my wrist. My eyes looked up to meet his, confusion plain on my face.

His eyes weren't dull anymore, they were shimmering but not in any way I ever wanted to see. He swiped at his cheek angrily when the first tear fell. "Don't go," he rasped.

I won’t.  

--

We didn’t speak as we took the elevator down to the lobby. It was only when we reached the front doors of the building that I spoke. “Where do you want to go?”

He scratched at his forearm, his eyes moving over the room behind us like he was expecting someone to run out from any direction. I wasn't a profiler, but I recognized hypervigilance when I saw it.

“I don’t know. Not here.”

I nodded. “Alright. Do you want to go…get food? Coffee?” He shook his head, his hands now picking at the threads of the cardigan he wore. “We could go for a walk?”

“I…” He cleared his throat, his eyes rising to meet mine. “I don’t want to be around a lot of people right now.”

“Okay, we can-“

“But,” he interrupted. “I…I’m afraid to be alone, y/n. I’m…I’m so fucking afraid.”

I reached for him only to still my hand at the last second, millimeters away from touching him. “I won’t leave you alone, Reid.” My teeth dug into my lower lip as I thought. “We could go to your apartment. Or mine.” I quickly added when I saw how his eyes widened at the mention of his place.

“I…I don’t want to go home.” He licked his lips again, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“Then you don’t have to go home right now. We’ll go to my place. We can order dinner, watch a movie, or we can do nothing. It’s up to you.”

The look of relief on his face, combined with the smile he sent me warmed up a part of my heart I didn’t even know was cold.

--

The ride to my apartment was mostly silent; I had turned the radio on for background noise. Spencer’s eyes kept staring out of my passenger side window while his hands twisted in his lap.

He followed behind me quietly when we entered my building, then took the elevator up to my apartment. Spencer’s eyes glided over my apartment, taking in the photos of my friends and family on the walls, the throw pillows on my couch, and the titles on my bookshelf.

I went into the kitchen to get us both a bottle of water only to find him standing in the same spot when I returned.

“Are you hungry?”

He shook his head.

“Okay, do you want to sit down?”

He nodded, following me over to my couch. I curled my feet up under myself, my hands folded in my lap. “Spencer…I know I said you don’t have to talk, and you don’t. But…I want to help. I just…I want to do anything I can to help you.” I let out a breath, embarrassed that my voice was already thick with tears. “If that means sitting here beside you and just staring at the wall that’s fine. I…I just want to help.”

Reid’s head swiveled over to face me, those beautiful brown eyes were frightened. “Tobias…he…he hurt me. And I can still feel it,” he whispered, his voice raw even in that hushed volume. “It’s all I feel. I just…I don’t want to hurt anymore, y/n. I can’t stand it.”

I couldn’t stop myself from rising up on my knees and moving towards him. “Can I hug you? Is that okay?”

The words weren’t out of my mouth before he wrapped his arms around my middle, laying his head against my chest. When the first sob wracked through his body, I felt something inside of me crack. The second sob triggered my own.

I didn't know what had happened to him, and if I did know, I don't think I would ever truly understand. But the agony he was in affected me more than any pain I had ever felt myself.

My fingers ran through his hair, tugging at the soft tangles. His hair is curly, I thought absentmindedly. He always wore it slicked down…but it was curly.

Spencer finally quieted after a few moments, his sobs turning into sniffles. “Thank you.”

I gave a broken chuckle. “Don’t thank me for caring about you, Spencer.”

He pulled his head back to look at me, his eyes moving over my cheeks. “You cried for me.”

I nodded.

“Why?”

The question was so unexpected that I wasn’t prepared to do anything but tell the truth. “It hurts me to see you hurt.”

Spencer looked at me for a moment longer, absorbing my words before his palm came up and cupped my jaw, his thumb wiping my left-over tears away. He gentled pulled my head down until my lips pressed against his. Our first kiss was tender, his lips were slightly chapped but still unbelievably soft. Something about this kiss broke my heart more than his tears did.

My hands had come up to cup his face, my actions a mirror of his own. “I…I don’t want to take advantage of you, Spencer,” I mumbled out when we had pulled apart.

He chuckled softly. “You’re worried about that?” His mood became somber when I nodded. “Y/n…you know how I look at you. Everyone does. I don’t…I don’t want this if you don’t. I don’t want you to do this out of pity-“

“Spencer,” I gasped. “I would never…I’d never touch you out of pity. I-I want to touch you. I have for a long time.”

you. I have for a long time.”

Tears started to shine in his eyes again at my words. “Then please touch me, y/n. I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. I just…I just want to feel how I feel when you hold me. It-It doesn’t hurt when you touch me.”

Our lips came together the second time in understanding and hope. My mouth brushed against his with a promise that I was touching him because I wanted to. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, his teeth nibbling on it while his hands wove into my hair.

I moved to straddle his lap, my knees on either side of him, while my hands started working on the buttons of his shirt.

Spencer’s tongue ghosted against my lips; the groan he gave when I immediately let him inside made my core throb.

He froze when I started to push his shirt off his shoulders. “What is it?”

“It’s…I don’t want you to see…what he did to me. Please?”

I moved off of him quickly, extending my hand to pull him from the couch. I led him down the hall to my bedroom, not turning on the overhead light when we entered; the only source of light was a sliver of moonlight through the curtains.

“You don’t have to show me anything you don’t want to,” I whispered. “Do you…”

His lips crushed against mine, his hands grabbing my hips to pull me against his body. Those long fingers started working my shirt up my body, breaking away momentarily to pull it over my head.

Once my pants were down my thighs, he pushed me back onto the bed. He had removed his cardigan but left his button-up shirt on. I reached behind myself to unhook my bra, feeling a sudden nervousness rise up in my chest.

His fingers were warm when they brushed over my collarbones, drifting down over my breasts. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured.

I pulled him on top of me when I leaned back on the bed, our lips meeting in a heated frenzy. He palmed my breast, his thumb brushing over my nipple, causing me to arch up against him.

Spencer’s lips moved down until he was mouthing my neck, his teeth nipping at the skin, all the while his hand ghosted down my body until his fingers hooked on the top of my panties.

His head lifted, his eyes searching mine. “Can I touch you?”

I nodded, my hand moving atop his, guiding him inside my panties; I couldn’t control my gasp when his fingers parted my folds to brush against me.

My hands went to his belt. “I-is this okay?”

He nodded, his mouth coming down to cover the tip of my breast, his tongue teasing my nipple to a point. Those long fingers gathered wetness from my opening to bring it up to circle my clit. Ever the scientist, Spencer paid attention to every reaction I had, he wanted to learn how to touch me.

When his middle and ring finger entered me, his palm grinding against my clit, I finally got his pants open. My hand snacked inside to palm his cock, pulling a grown from him.

“Can I push these down a bit?”

“Please,” he breathed, his lips coming over mine.

His pants were down to his mid-thighs before I wrapped my hand around him. He was bigger than I expected, not overly thick, but longer than anyone I had been with before.

“Y/n,” he whimpered against my lips, his fingers speeding up inside of me.

I gave a few pumps, my movements uncoordinated. “I want to feel you inside me, Spence. Please?”

Reid groaned, removing his fingers from my heat. “Do you have a condom?”

I turned to my bedside table, fumbling in the darkness. When I turned back to face him, I saw two of his fingers in his mouth. The same two fingers that had just been inside of me.

“Jesus,” I breathed out, finding the sight of him sucking my arousal off his fingers incredibly erotic.

He took the condom from me, his lips quirking up in a smile. "I've…I've never done that before." His eyes moved down to my still covered pussy. "I want to…but I-I don't want this time to be worse for you than it has to be," he said with a self-deprecating chuckle.

"Hey," I muttered, my hands cupping that well-defined jaw. "This isn't going to be bad for me, Spencer. Just being with you is wonderful."

My words felt heavy in the air. Because they were true.

Spencer swallowed thickly, rolling the condom down over his length. I tugged my panties off, leaving me totally bare to him, while he still had most of his clothing on.

Even with that weird detail, this was still wonderful; being with Spencer like this was…everything.

I gripped him, lining him up at my entrance. His forehead dropped against mine when he started to push inside of me.

“Spence,” I breathed, my hands clutching at his hips.

“Are you okay?” he panted.

“Better than okay. You feel so good.”

He huffed out a laugh. “I don’t think anything could feel better than…fuck.” His slim hips pressed against mine when he was fully sheathed inside of me.

I felt my pussy flutter at his words. I’d never heard Spencer curse like that before.

We started a steady pace; his thrusts were even, and my hips rose to meet them. His arms were braced on either side of my head, his lips brushing against mine while he fucked me.

Calling it fucking seemed wrong. It was so much more.

“Y/n,” he groaned. “I’m close.”

My hand squeezed down between our bodies to rub my clit. “Hold on. I’m almost there.” I whined out.

His moan seemed to tingle across my skin when he dropped his head against my shoulder. “I want to feel you cum, baby.”

I whimpered at his words. “Spencer, harder. I need it harder.”

His hips snapped against mine as he slammed into me, I felt his teeth on the tender skin where my neck and shoulder met for a second before he bit down.

The mix of pain with pleasure sent me over the edge. My pussy clamped down on him as I found my own orgasm, pulling him over the edge with me.

My fingers ran over his back, scratching at the material of his shirt. I breathed his name out over and over while I floated back down from my high.

I felt his tongue soothe over the bite mark he had just given me as he gave a few more jerks inside of me before pulling out. He placed the sweetest kiss against my lips and when he pulled back, his eyes were shining, but not with tears this time.

--

After we cleaned up, we ordered take out and watched some sci-fi movie that was on cable. I couldn’t tell you a thing about it; I was too busy watching Spencer’s face when he told me all about it. I was enraptured by his voice, the way his hands moved.

He was so beautiful.

Before I was ready, I realized that it was already approaching midnight. “It’s late,” I said.

He nodded. “I should go.”

It was childish, but I couldn’t stop my lip from jutting out in a pout, causing him to laugh.

“What is it, beautiful?” he questioned, his voice teasing.

I shoved his shoulder. “Don’t ‘beautiful’ me, Spencer Reid,” I scolded, delighted when he laughed. “I just…I’m not ready for you to go.”

Something in Spencer’s eyes changed. He seemed almost relieved at my words. “I’m not ready to go either.”

I leaned over, placing a soft kiss in the center of his lips. “Then don’t go.”

--

Spending the night with Spence was worth how early I had to wake up the following morning to drive him by his apartment before work. I had offered to wait and give him a ride to work, but he had gotten a text from Garcia. They had gotten called to Houston for a case; Morgan was going to swing by and get him.

“I’ll call you when I can,” he promised, cupping my face when he kissed me goodbye.

The circles under his eyes this morning weren’t as dark as they had been before.

--

I could barely contain my excitement when we got the notification that the team was headed back. Part of me felt silly for being so excited. I mean, it was just one night; but it hadn’t felt like just one night.

Spencer hadn’t called me during the few days he’d been in Texas, but I hadn’t really expected him to. If anyone understood his job, it was someone who worked with his team. The BAU was such an elite unit within the FBI for a reason; they would stop at nothing to solve a case.

When the glass doors of the bullpen opened and I saw Hotch stride in, heading for his office, I couldn’t contain my smile.

“I saw that,” Anderson muttered.

I reached out and smack his arm. “You wanted me to talk to Reid.”

He nodded, biting the inside of his cheek. “And judging by that mark on your neck you did more than talk.”

I scowled at him. “See if I’m on your side the next time you fuck up,” I teased, knowing he wouldn’t take my words to heart.

He just offered me a wide smile. That’s how Anderson had lasted so long here, he never really held onto anything.

“Your man doesn’t look so good,” he said suddenly.

I turned, my eyes seeking out Spencer. He was right, the dark circles were back under his eyes, his clothes were wrinkled, his hair sticking up in every direction.

He never turned his head in my direction.

--

I had wanted to give Spencer some space when he first arrived back. What if something about this case had affected him? I thought that maybe that was the reason he had been avoiding me.

My department always had more paperwork than usual when the team came back from a case, so I wasn’t able to leave until after 7. While I gathered up my things I debated about calling Reid, thinking he was already gone. When I went to take Hotch some files about 20 minutes earlier Spencer was rushing out of the bullpen with his bag clutched in his hands.

Even though I wasn’t expecting to see him, I couldn’t stop myself from looking in the glass doors when I passed by out of habit.

He was sitting at his desk. His head was tilted back, and it looked like his eyes were closed. Even in a position that most people would appear relaxed in, he still seemed incredibly tense.  

I can just pop in and tell him hi, I reasoned. Let him know I’m not expecting anything, but I’m here for him.

I had given a lot of thought to my relationship with Spencer over the days he was gone. He was still healing from what happened with Tobias, it wasn’t fair of me to put unreasonable expectations on him right now. I was his friend before anything else. I could put my personal feelings aside if I needed to.

Squaring my shoulders, I pushed the doors open and headed towards his desk. The only person still at their desk was the newest member of the team, SSA Prentiss.

“Hey, y/n,” she greeted.

I had intended to return her greeting, but Spencer’s eyes snapped open and zeroed in on me. The look in his eyes made my blood freeze in my veins. He looked at me like he’d never seen me before, like my presence in this space was annoying to him.

Reid stood abruptly, pulling the strap of his messenger back up on his shoulder before he brushed past me. I had barely processed his actions before he was already leaving the bullpen.

“Spence!” I called. “Hang on!”

He just kept walking. I all but sprinted in my attempt to catch up to him. “Spencer, what the fuck,” I whispered. I knew he had seen me. Once I was closer to him, I reached out and gripped his elbow in an attempt to get his attention.

His entire body jerked as he spun around to face me. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he hissed, venom dripping from his words.

My body recoiled from him like he’d slapped me. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I thought…I just…”

Just then a pair of agents walked past us and they did not bother hiding the curiosity in their eyes.

Spencer’s hand shot out and gripped my forearm, pulling me along behind him. The hold he had on my arm was almost painful, but I couldn’t focus on anything. My brain was still playing his words over and over again.

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

He didn’t stop until we reached the copy room; he jerked the door open and shoved me inside.

“Spencer!” I yanked my arm out of his grip, rubbing the skin with my other hand. “What the fuck is going on?!”

“You thought what?” he snarled taking a step closer to me. “You thought that because I fucked you that means you’re my girlfriend now or something?”

My eyes widened at his words. Something cold and heavy settled in the pit of my stomach while some unnamable feeling made me throat constrict. “N-no, I didn’t think that. I just-“

I had heard Spencer’s laugh so many times before, it used to make me smile every time I heard it. People who hadn’t heard him laugh before might have thought the sound that he made when he heard my words was a laugh. But it wasn’t. It was harsh and brittle. His face was pulled into a smile that was condescending.

“Are you sure, y/l/n? Because you’ve sure been fucking acting like it all day. I feel your pathetic little looks everywhere I turn. Like I kicked your dog or something.”

I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes because…this wasn’t Spencer. This wasn’t my Spencer. My Spencer couldn’t use chopsticks and held my face when he kissed me.

“Oh, my fucking god,” he groaned in disgust. “Are you going to cry, y/n? Are you kidding me right now?”

People always say terrible things happen so fast, it’s what I read in witness statements all the time. This was a terrible thing, but time seemed to slow down for it. I saw everything in perfect detail, I heard every single syllable that came out of this mouth.

When the first tear slid down my cheek that dark, brittle laugh left his mouth again. “If you weren’t being so pathetic, I might feel bad for you.”

“Why are you doing this?” I whispered, wiping at my cheeks.

“Why am I doing what, y/n?” His voice was so much louder than it was before. It didn’t make sense that he brought me to a more private place to avoid attention but now he was…yelling at me. “We fucked, do you get that? That is all! I don’t know what sad little schoolgirl fantasy you built up in your mind, but that night wasn’t special to me.”

Oh. I swallowed down my emotion, my eyes moving away from him to stare down at the floor. I wished I was the sort of person that could lash out whenever I was hurt, to hurt that person back as badly as they hurt me; but it’s just not who I was.

Like a shark that smelled blood in the water, Spencer moved closer to me. His fingers brushed over the strands of hair that hung near my shoulder. “I hate to be the one to break it to you, y/n. You’re not special. You were just a desperate girl that wanted attention. You were a pussy to use.”

I jerked back violently at his words, putting as much distance as I could between us. My entire body felt so cold, my face frozen in a mask of confusion.

Reid scoffed once more before he turned and left the room.

He never looked back at me.

I’m not sure how long I stayed in the copy room after he’d left. It may have been seconds; it could have been hours. I think I was in some sort of shock; my body just autopiloted to a place I felt safe.

I don’t remember unlocking my office door. I don’t remember collapsing in my chair and burying my head in my hands while sobs tore out of my chest.

All I remember is hearing my name a moment before I felt someone standing beside me.

“Hey,” a familiar voice called softly. “What’s wrong, y/n?”

I lifted my head and looked into the worried face of one of my best friends.

Anderson didn’t say anything further, he just pulled me up from my chair and wrapped his arms around me while I cried.

--

Pain is a universal experience, but everyone feels it differently. Everyone heals differently.

My grandmother used to say, “Everything will be different in the morning.” I was never sure if that was true or not, but today I chose to believe it was. The pain and humiliation that burned in my gut when I remembered Spencer’s words yesterday wouldn’t last forever.

I had made a mistake. I had let someone use my body only to find out that person wasn’t who I thought they were. I wasn’t the first person to make that mistake, and I’m sure I wouldn’t be the last.

Anderson had stayed with me in my office last night while I pulled myself together enough to go home. He didn’t ask what had happened, but he wasn’t stupid, I’m sure he suspected what had broken my heart.

In a perfect world, I would have fallen for someone like Grant Anderson. He was kind, funny, and a constant source of comfort when I felt my world breaking apart.

I had always tried to think of each painful moment as a lesson in some way, and lessons can teach you both good and bad things. Even my worst moments of pain, I couldn’t regret the choices that lead me to them. Every single experience shapes us into who we grow to be.

One day, when this pain in my heart wasn't so sharp, I think I might be able to look back on my night with Spencer Reid without feeling regret. He had been my friend, he was hurting. How I tried to help his suffering was a mark of who I was.

How he caused me pain was a mark of who he was.

Grant had sent me a text around 6 am, asking me if I was going to take some personal time. The BAU wasn't assigned to an active case today, but I had sent some files over to JJ that looked promising. My money was they'd be headed out to New Orleans tomorrow to catch a serial killer once she had reviewed those files.

A very large part of myself wanted to stay home; I wanted to hide from my pain and tend to my wounded heart in private. But no matter how big that part of me was, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t let this pain consume me.

I wouldn’t let it.

With that thought in mind, I squared my shoulders and walked into the headquarters of the FBI.

--

The hardest moments after a tragedy are the moments after; after the first wave of pain has passed and you’re expected to go back to your normal life. The world never slowed down just because you were in agony.

JJ came by and told me she thought New Orleans looked promising and asked if I could contact the lead detective for any updates then forward those to her.

She wasn’t a profiler but even she knew something was wrong. Right before she walked out of my office she said, “Hey, are you okay?”

It's always so much worse when they ask you if you're okay because they never want an honest answer. So, on top of all the agony, you feel you have to pull off a convincing lie.

“Just tired, JJ.”

I don’t think she quite believed me, but she was kind enough not to push me any further.

A few hours later JJ was on the phone the detective heading up the investigation into the murders happening in the French Quarter. It looked like the team was heading out to New Orleans sometime tomorrow morning.

My job mostly had me working with JJ, but SSA Hotchner was the unit chief. It wasn’t uncommon that I had to get his signature of approval on something JJ needed. So, when it was time to stop by Hotch’s office, I made my way there with no outward reluctance.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Spencer standing around the cluster of desks that housed his teammates. They all called out in greeting after I dropped the files off, but I had only waved over my shoulder and rushed out of the room.

Anderson had been popping in and out of my office all morning. First, he had made excuses for coming by, but much to my amusement he had dropped the façade after he came to ask me if he could borrow a pen…while he was holding a pen.

The biggest dilemma of my day was over coffee. Of course, I hadn’t gotten any sleep last night and I was dragging. Caffeine was obviously the answer.

But if you knew Spencer Reid, you know he was always at the coffee machine in the BAU bullpen.

I could just go downstairs to counterterrorism, I thought idly. But if I’m already in the elevator I could just run down the block and get coffee. JJ wouldn’t mind.

I was still debating my options when I heard a tentative knock on my door.

I am not proud of my actions, I’m truly not. But there is only one person in this whole building who would knock on a door that hesitantly.

The blinds in my office were closed…but I had left the door unlocked.

On instinct, I slid out of my chair, knees hitting the floor, and hid under my desk.

What the fuck are you doing, y/n? I mentally scolded myself. This is a new low, even for you.

It turned out to be pointless anyway.

He didn’t open the door.

--

“You don’t have to tell me,” Anderson began. “But…”

“I have to tell you?” I supplied after a beat.

He flopped down in the chair on the other side of my desk. “Exactly.”

The small smile that curled up on my face was the first real smile I’d had in almost 24 hours.

How had it only been 24 hours?

“Listen,” he said, bringing my attention back to him. “I know it’s about Reid. I’m not a profiler, but it’s all that makes sense.”

“How’s that?”

One of his dark brown eyebrows raised at the question. “I mean, even if we ignored everything else, the fact that he keeps walking past your office door is a dead giveaway.”

I rubbed my temples with my fingers. “Grant, I can’t right now.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Can’t,” I whispered out. “I don’t…I need to hold it together. Just for a while longer.”

Grant reclined his back against the chair, his eyes surveying me. “Fine. But I don’t like seeing you like this.”

I don’t like feeling like this.

“Alright,” he sighed, rising to his feet. “I have to go run some sort of errand for Garcia.”

I didn’t bother asking, he’d say it was “classified.”

All the air seemed to leave the room when he opened the door.

Spencer was standing on the other side, his hand up like he had been about to knock.

Grant’s entire body jerked while Spencer’s eyes widened. “What are you doing here?” my friend demanded.

The most startling thing was how surprised Spencer looked at Grant’s tone; like it was some oddity that one of my closest friends would have been angry on my behalf.

“C-can I talk to you?” he asked, his voice squeaking on the last word.

I licked my lips, weighing my options. How could he hurt me any worse? I gave Grant a nod, signaling that I was okay. He moved out of the way, granting Spencer entry, but I knew my friend; he wouldn’t be far.

The man in front of me waited until the door was shut before he spoke. “Did I do something?”

My eyes had dropped down to my hands only to shoot up to his face at those words. What?

“To make you upset?” he clarified. “I…you’ve been avoiding me all day. And I know you were in here earlier when I knocked.”

His words tore at the bandages I had wrapped my heart in, ripping my wound open again. All I could do was wrap my arms around my middle in an attempt to physically hold myself together. “W-why would I want to talk to you?”

If possible, he looked even more confused than I felt. “What is going on?” He took a step towards me. “Baby-“

My reaction to hearing that word come out of his mouth was visceral. I shot to my feet, almost stumbling over my chair in an attempt to put more distance between us.

Spencer froze. “I…I don’t understand,” he pleaded. “Please, y/n, you have to talk to me. It…it hurts me to see you hurt.”

Any work I had done to repair my heart was destroyed at his words. I never should have let him inside. The look on his face twisted a knife in my stomach. He had the audacity to look distraught over my tears like he wasn’t the cause of them.

“I know I said I’d call but I was just so busy with the case…I thought…you’d understand.”

I ran my tongue over my teeth while my eyes blinked rapidly in an attempt to clear the tears that were clouding my vision. If I couldn’t remember everything about yesterday so clearly, I would doubt that the man standing before me now was the same monster that spewed venom at me yesterday.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Reid.”

He flinched at my use of his last name. “I want you to tell me what happened.”

“Why?” I rasped out. “Do you want it to hurt more? Why are you doing this to me?”

Spencer took another step towards me, his hands were outstretched. "I don't-"

"Don't fucking touch me." I tried to fill my words with the same venom his words had yesterday when he told me the same thing, but my words came out as a broken plea.

He blinked and dropped his hands to his sides. “I deserve to know why you’re treating me like this.”

A sad sort of laugh came out of my mouth at his words.

Somehow the non-acknowledgment of my pain hurt worse than anything. “Do I mean so little to you that you forgot our conversation yesterday?”

Spencer shook his head, his hair flopping around his ears. “No, I didn’t talk to you yesterday.”

What? “Yes, you did.” My voice shook but my words still tumbled out of my mouth. “You pulled me into the copy room and told me…you told me that our night together was nothing…you told me that I was nothing.”

His brows knit together, his mouth popping open. “What are you talking about? You’re…you’re everything, y/n.”

“Reid, please…I know I’m pathetic, but I can’t take this. I can’t…” My shoulders started to shake. “Please don’t make me feel this again.”

“Pathetic?” he questioned. “What are you talking about? Is this…is this some sort of game? You don’t want to be with me…so you do this? Did Anderson tell you about my mom?”

“What?”

“My mom has schizophrenia. Is that why you’re trying to make me feel crazy?”

My brows knitted together. “I…Nobody told me about your mom. I’m not trying to make you feel crazy. And I wanted to be with you. But you told me you didn’t want to be with me.”

He still denied my words. “No, I haven’t talked to you. You’ve been avoiding me.”

“You avoided me all day yesterday. When I finally came to talk to you in the bullpen you walked past me like I wasn't there. Then I went after you." I held up my arm, pushing my sleeve up to show him the finger-shaped bruises. "You dragged me into the copy room. You told me I was pathetic. You mocked me. You told me I was just some girl…some pussy for you to use."

He kept flinching at my words like they were whips leaving lashes all over his body.

“You told me I was nothing. You told me our night together was nothing.”

“No.” He continued to shake his head. “I…I wouldn’t say that. But I especially wouldn’t say that to you. You’re wrong.”

I just shrugged. “Ask Prentiss. She saw me follow you out of the bullpen yesterday. Ask Garcia to pull the security footage. There’s probably a recording of you breaking my heart.”

“No, no, no,” he muttered over and over again.

“I don’t know why you’re pretending you don’t remember, Spencer.”

He didn’t say anything else; he just turned and left my office, slamming the door behind him.

--

JJ was suspicious when I called her from my office phone instead of just walking over to see her, but she didn’t ask any questions about the mysterious illness I told her had hit me. She just told me that she hoped I felt better and to take all the time I needed.

I knew that the team was set to fly out after JJ presented the case at 10 am in the morning, meaning that going back to work tomorrow wouldn’t be too hard. No matter how badly I hurt now, I couldn’t lay down and cry about it.

Part of me was afraid if I laid down, I wouldn’t be able to get back up.

With that in mind, I would give myself today to feel the full force of my heartbreak. I would cry when I wanted to, I’d watch sad movies and make myself cry more, I’d eat junk food that ultimately only made me feel worse. I would feel this pain for one day.

I told myself Spencer Reid didn’t deserve more of my tears than that. I told myself that over and over again until I almost believed it.

Anderson had been texting me all day to check-in, I had even gotten a nice call from Penelope Garcia asking me if I needed anything.

The most unexpected call came at 8 pm that night from a number I didn’t recognize.

“Y/n?” the voice asked. “This is Prentiss.”

Oh. “Oh. Hi, Emily.”

“Listen, I called for two reasons. The first is that I wanted to check in on you, and the second is…the second is a bit more personal.”

Oh. I cleared my throat. “I’m as good as I can be, Emily.”

She sighed. "I figured. Which brings me to my second question. Did something happen between you and Reid?" After a few moments of my silence, Prentiss hurried on. "You don't have to tell me. It's just that…Reid came up to me this afternoon and demanded to know if I had seen you come into the bullpen to talk to him yesterday."

“What did you say?”

“Um, I told him yes. Because I did. What is going on?”

My fingers picked at the edges of the blanket in my lap. “I don’t know. Anderson thinks something is up with him.”

“We all think something is up with him.”

Her confirmation didn’t make me feel any better.

--

I arrived to work the following morning at 9 am, a full thirty minutes later than usual. JJ had stopped by my office to see how I was doing, followed by a visit from Prentiss. Garcia had teetered into the room about 15 minutes after Emily left, giving me a frosted cookie that was bigger than my hand.

“Cookies help,” she had said confidently.  

I hoped she was right.

Anderson popped in last. "Hey, ooh." He skidded to a stop. "You look terrible."

I shot him a withering look. “Thank you so much, Grant.”

“You know what I mean.”

“…That I look terrible?”

He nodded, his lips twitching at the corners. “Anyway, Hotch needs the mileage forms for the SUVs. I can run it over to him.”

My teasing tone vanished. “I’ve got it, Grant.”

I wasn’t sure if that was true, but I had to believe it was. Or at the very least it would be soon.

It took every ounce of will power I had not to let my eyes wander over to his desk when I entered the bullpen. I could almost feel him looking at me. It went against every natural instinct I had to ignore him…but what else could I do?

Hotch wasn’t in his office when I knocked but the door was unlocked. He never minded if we walked in when he was out if we just had something to drop off. I tried to find an open space on his desk to set the forms when I heard the door squeak on its hinges behind me.

I spun around, my startled eyes connecting with a pair of sharp brown eyes.

“Oh!” I exclaimed. “I’m sorry, Agent Gideon. I didn’t see you there.”

He gave me a small smile, but that sharp look didn’t leave his eyes. “No, I don’t suppose you would have,” he said simply. “It’s hard to notice anyone else when you’re trying so hard to not notice someone.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Gideon just nodded. “I’m going to tell you something. Now, you can take these words to heart, and I hope you do, or you can take them as the ramblings of…a sentimental old man.”

I shifted my weight from foot to foot. “Okay.”

"A lot of people think that the most important thing you can have in a relationship is love," he began, his eyes never wavering from mine. "In my not so humble opinion, they are incorrect. You see, y/l/n, love fades. Love isn't a thing that can stay in one form forever. It's always changing… its fluid."

“Sir, I don’t-“

“You know what the most important thing is?” he asked as if I hadn’t spoken. “Mercy.”

I just blinked at him. “I…I don’t think I understand.”

He just smiled at me, his hands moving into the pockets of his jeans. “Maybe not yet, but I think you will.” Gideon’s gaze broke from mine, looking through the windows of Hotch’s office to settle on Reid. His head was bent over his desk while his fingers ran over the pages in front of him. “He’ll need mercy, y/n. More than anything else.”

Agent Gideon turned back to look at me. “He’ll need it from all of us, but I don’t think he’ll need it from anyone more than you.”

I couldn’t think of anything to say in response. I truly didn’t understand what he was talking about.

With one final smile, he turned and left the office, leaving me with my thoughts.

--

Agent Gideon’s words were still swirling through my mind the following afternoon when I got another odd call from Agent Prentiss.

“Hey, y/l/n,” she began, her tone annoyed. “Listen, have you heard from Reid?”

My entire body stilled. “No, I haven’t. Why?”

“He was supposed to meet us at the plane. Morgan and I are waiting for him but he isn’t answering his cell.”

I hated the worry that wormed its way through my heart at her words. “I’m sorry, Em. I haven’t talked to him.”

She clicked her tongue against her teeth. “It was a long shot. Thanks, y/n.”

For several minutes after she hung up, I just stared at my phone. Don’t, I told myself firmly. He’s not your problem.

Spencer Reid wasn't my problem…but I couldn't just stop caring about him overnight. That's not the sort of person I was.

I kept telling myself I was calling to check on him for me, because I was the sort of person who checked on their friends.

It didn’t make it easier when he didn’t answer my calls either.

--

The need to silence the shrill ringing of my phone pulled me from my sleep the following night. I still hadn't heard from Spencer, but Prentiss had called me this morning to tell me Reid had gone to see one of his friends and "didn't have a signal." Her tone indicated she thought he was full of shit.

My eyes cracked open to look at the caller ID. When I read the name of the person calling me, my fingers frantically pushed “accept.”

“Spencer?” I asked, my voice still thick with sleep. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything.”

I sat up in my bed, my eyes looking at the clock on my nightstand. “It’s after 3 am. Did something happen with the case?”

He cleared his throat. “Um, yeah. The unsub is a woman. We tried to catch her tonight…but we can try again tomorrow.”

“You’ll get her.”

The only sound I heard was his uneven breathing. “That’s not why I called.”

My tongue ran over my lips while I pulled the blankets further up my chest like they would be able to protect me in some way. "Why did you call?"

“Do you think people deserve forgiveness?”

“I…I think it depends.”

“On what?” he asked desperately.

“On what they did…on if they’re sorry.” I cleared my throat. “Did you do something, Spencer?”

“I made a mistake.”

Somehow, I knew he wasn’t just talking about what had happened between us. He sounded just like I remembered him sounding when I wrapped my arms around him that night he came to my house.

His voice broke when he spoke again. “I’m so lost, y/n,” he sobbed. “I’m so lost and I don’t…I don’t know what to do.”

I fought to control my own emotions when he spoke. No matter what happened my heart still ached at the pain in his voice. “You might be lost, Spencer. But you’re not alone. Your team…your family found you. They brought you home. They’re still here for you. They’ll bring you home again.”

We sat in silence for a few moments, both of us lost in our own dark sea of pain.

“I don’t deserve to ask you to forgive me,” he said at last. “So, I won’t ask. I don’t even…I don’t even remember what I said.”

I think my subconscious mind had been connecting these pieces together for a while because in the darkness of my bedroom at almost 4 am, things finally began to take shape. The darkness that hung over Spencer was finally starting to take form.

“Just focus on the case, Spencer. We can talk when you get home.”

“Wait,” he called out. “Don’t go. Not yet.”

I don’t think I ever will.

--

The clock on my wall said it was just after 7 pm the following night when there was a knock on my door. Frowning, I made my way across the room, pressing my eye to the peephole, slightly surprised at who I saw.

I had figured he would come for me at some point, but I hadn’t expected it to be the very moment he got back into town.

…but it isn’t the very moment, I reminded myself. JJ had texted saying their plane was landing at 5 pm this afternoon.

He didn’t knock again but he didn’t move away from the door either. I think he knew I was there, just out of his reach, debating my options.

Opening yourself up to something that might hurt you is one of the most foolish and brave things a person can do. When someone you cared about broke your trust, how could you put your heart back into those very same hands?

I remembered Gideon’s words from that afternoon before they had left for New Orleans.

Over the past several days I had realized that that day in the copy room it wasn’t actually my Spencer that said those things. Something dark and painful had clawed its way into him and was trying to hollow him out.

That dark thing didn’t deserve my mercy…but I think Spencer did.

With a deep breath, I started to unlock my front door, grateful he couldn’t see that my hands were shaking. He looked tired but a different sort of tired than I was used to seeing. Weariness had crawled underneath his skin and was draining him slowly, but he didn’t look as defeated as he did the last time I saw him.

No matter how many times I had thought about this moment, I still wasn’t sure what to say

“I came…I came to explain.” He said at last.

I was still frozen in place watching him shift uncomfortably. I knew he wanted me to invite him in…but, how could I? Trusting him enough to talk to him was one thing but how could I allow him into the only place I felt safe?

Gideon’s words played through my mind again. Mercy.

Taking a step back from the door, I waved him inside. I moved to sit on the couch, but Spencer just stood in front of me.

"When Tobias abducted me…" he trailed off, balling his hands into fists. "He had dissociative identity disorder. It's much more rare than people think. Whenever it's been observed under clinical settings, the most that has been observed is 2. Tobias had three.

The first was him, the next was his father, and the last was the Archangel, Raphael. Tobias’s father abused him horribly… Charles broke something inside of him, he fractured him. The only way he could survive was to start abusing drugs. He took them intravenously.”

Gideon's words had started to weave the pieces together, but it was actually Spencer's words from our night together that cemented everything in place. “I don’t want you to see what he did to me.”

"He thought he was being kind when he injected me." Spencer crossed his arms over his chest, tapping his tongue against his upper lip. "You hear about addiction; I could tell you the statistics on people who suffer from opioid addiction. But I never in a million years thought it would be me.”

I didn’t realize I was crying until a tear fell from my face and hit the back of my hand.

“I’m not the person who gets addicted to things. I’m not the stereotypical picture of an addict…but that’s what I am, y/n. I’m an addict.” He reached into his front pocket, pulling out a small coin. “This is a newcomer’s chip…from narcotics anonymous. You get it at your very first meeting. I got this an hour ago.”

“Spencer,” I rasped out. “I’m so sorry.”

He came to sit beside me on the couch then, his hand covering one of mine. "I thought I could handle it. I convinced myself it wasn't that bad, but it was. What I did to you was reprehensible, y/n. And I am so sorry." Spencer's voice broke, his shoulders shaking with repressed emotion. "I will be sorry about that day for the rest of my life. I don't deserve any sort of second chance."

I turned completely towards him, throwing my arms around him. “Yes, you do, Spencer,” I whispered into his hair. “You do.”

This night felt so much different than the first night I held him like this while he cried. I didn't know the cause of his pain that night, but it broke my heart nevertheless; now that I knew the pain inside this beautiful man…I think the pain I had been feeling was tearing at my soul.

Addiction doesn’t discriminate. It’s a disease that will sink its hooks into anyone and refuse to let go. Spencer had made a mistake; his actions had gutted me. But…was it really him? Or was it the monster that has hold of him? It was in these thoughts that I finally began to understand the weight of Agent Gideon's words. "He’ll need mercy from everyone…but from no one more than you.”

I wasn’t in love with Spencer…at least not yet, but I did love him. In those moments when loving someone felt impossible mercy was the most important thing you could offer. I had to show him my mercy while he moved through this…because I knew love would come later.

“I’m here for you, Spencer. I want to help you in any way I can.”

He pulled back, his wide brown eyes meeting mine. “I can’t ask you to battle my addiction for me, y/n. I wouldn’t even if I could.” His voice was earnest when he spoke, his hands coming up to cup my face with a touch that seemed so familiar. “I promise that I’m going to try. I’m going to mess up at some point, some moments will be harder than others. I can’t…I can’t be perfect at this. But I promise I will never stop trying.”

“You don’t have to be perfect, Spencer. You’re not worthy because you’re perfect. You’re worthy because you’re…you.”

His eyes were soft when they ran over my face, his hands coming up to cup my jaw again. “I can leave, if you want…I know you’ll need time…I can’t expect-“

I leaned forward to brush my lips against his. “Don’t go,” I whispered. “Just be with me. Be here with me, Spence.”

I'm not sure who moved first. It was like all the pain in my body gave way to such a burning need that it almost consumed me. Our lips barely broke apart when I pulled him from the couch, guiding him to my bedroom; our actions were so similar to what they had been on that first night that felt like a lifetime ago.

But everything was different.

My bedroom was lit only by the dusky orange glow from the setting sun. I didn’t get to question Spencer about anything. His hands moved urgently against my body, ridding me of my shirt and bra. I unbuttoned his shirt, careful not to push it off of his shoulders. My nails scored his chest while his mouth moved down to kiss the column of my throat.

Spencer’s knee was wedged between my thighs when his mouth closed over my nipple. My hands tried to move down to undo his pants but when his teeth tugged at the tip of my breast all I could do was whimper.

“Spencer. Please.”

His eyes opened and lifted to meet mine. He looked nervous for a moment before he started to kiss down my body. I lifted my hips to help him remove my pants. When his fingers hooked into the waistband of my panties, I realized he had never seen me in the light before.

I felt his index finger trace down my slit, spreading me open under his gaze. He swallowed thickly when one of his fingers entered me, pulling a moan from my throat.

“Can I?”

“Yes. Yes.” I wasn’t sure what he was asking, but I would have given him anything in that moment.

I wasn’t ready when I felt his tongue tentatively lick my pussy. My hips bucked off the bed causing him to chuckle.

“Hold still,” he whispered as he spread me wider. He inserted another finger into my heat while his tongue fluttered around my clit.

“I’m trying,” I whined. “Fuck. I thought you said you hadn’t done this before.”

Spencer lifted his head to press a kiss to my inner thigh. “I haven’t,” he replied, his voice needlessly smug. Before I could comment his lips closed around my clit again.

My fingers were tangled in his soft brown hair while my hips rocked against his mouth. “Spencer, I’m close. I want-fuck! I want to cum when you’re inside me.”

He rose up on his knees, his hands moving to his belt. He had looked reluctant to leave his current position, but I needed him now. "You can eat my pussy to your heart's content later."

Spencer’s hand froze, his eyes snapping up to meet mine.

“What?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. You just…you said later.” The confusion must have been plain on my face because he clarified, “I can have you later too.”

My arousal was still pulsing in my body but now something else was too. I knew he didn’t mean sex when he said he could have me; Spencer meant he could have me, he could be with me.

With that thought, I urged him up my body so I could press my lips to his again. We were still kissing when I felt the blunt tip of his cock brush against me before he slowly pushed inside of me.

“You…I didn’t know something could feel like this,” he said when his hips settled against mine,

I didn’t either.

I think he must have felt the same frantic need I did. His thrusts were forceful as he drove into me. I was already so close that I could feel myself approaching my peak.

“Spence,” I whimpered out.

“I know, I feel you. You’re right there.” He reached between our bodies and rubbed his thumb across my clit.

My back arched as my orgasm washed over me, my mouth hung open in a silent scream. After a few more thrusts, I felt Spencer find his release too. He whispered my name against my hair while he slowly came down, pressing soft kisses all over any part of my skin he could reach.

--

The frantic mood from before had lifted, but something still felt urgent. Spencer had gotten up a few moments ago to dispose of the condom in the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

He hadn’t removed his clothes again, and something about the energy in the room made me put my clothes back on too.

I was sitting at the end of my bed when he came out of the bathroom a few moments later. He looked resigned and…almost defeated.

“Spence,” I started but he just shook his head.

He came to stand in front of me before he spoke. “I have to…I can’t hide from you.”

I stood up before he could move. “You’re not hiding anything, Spencer. Not anymore.”

He pressed his lips against mine again. I think he understood the gravity of my words and what revealing his body meant. He knew I’d see him; I’d see all of him. But whenever I looked into his eyes when he started to open his shirt, I felt like I saw more of him than I ever had.

Everything he felt was floating through his amber-colored eyes. His hands shook and a few tears leaked out of his eyes when he pulled his shirt from his body.

The bend of his left elbow was covered in bruises in all different phases of healing. It looked like one of his veins might even have blown.

When I brought my eyes back up to his, I found them shut tight.

“Hey,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his middle, careful of his arm. “Spencer, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” he breathed out.

I only held him tighter. “It will be. One day it will be.” I let out a shaky breath of my own before I spoke again. “You know I’m going to fall in love with you one day, right?”

His body jerked at my words, a tiny sob leaving his mouth.

“It’s true, Spencer. You have to know that. You’re worthy of love. You’re worthy of my love.”

He pulled back from me, his hands cradling my face while his eyes searched mine. “I’m not. I’m not worthy…but I’m going to try to be.”

The slashes and cracks in my heart didn’t feel so painful when I kissed him again. It wasn’t my job to fix him. It wasn’t his job to fix me.

But I could show him mercy while he fought his battle. He deserved that.

Everyone deserves that.

--

Taglist: @rachelxwayne @pinkdiamond1016 @sickeninglyshoujo @justagirllookingforherplace @nanocoool @andiebeaword @imjusthereformggcontent @rainsong01 @violentvulgarvolatile @mys2425 @al3xmnd @imfalling-inlove @cielo1984 @shadyladyperfection @kissingvalentino @goofygubler14​ @hopebaker​

[weelittleweasley]

destined for you (d.m.)

prompt requested by @sincerelymalfoy: everyone wanted to find their soulmate. that was except for draco malfoy. in this world, you find your soulmate because you can feel the same physical pain as them. this makes it harder for draco to avoid finding his soulmate.

pairing: draco malfoy x soulmate! fem! reader, friend! ron weasley x friend! reader

warnings: mentions of previous d*mestic ab*se, language, blood (from a nose bleed), burns from an open flame

word count: 5.6k

a/n: this fic mention’s draco’s abusive household at the end. if you find that this might be triggering content for you, please skip it or do not read this fic. take care of yourself please. fanfic is supposed to be enjoyable! so read with caution! all my love in the world, lex

You had heard of it before. Soulmates. Two souls put on this planet who were destined to find each other and spend their existence together harmoniously. Until death do them part. 

It all sounded very romantic to you. Finding someone who had a soul, a spirit that matched yours. Kindred together. Your parents were soulmates and watching their relationship grow and blossom as you grew up was something you had always wanted. A love that continued to grow no matter the circumstances. A love that would guide you, protect you, care for you, and spend its days with you. A soulmate didn’t sound half bad.

Until you realized what that meant.

In order to know that you had met your soulmate, you would have to experience the same physical pains as them. Meaning everything that hurt them, you in turn felt, even though it wasn’t happening to you. The person could be on the other side of the planet, but the universe would still make you feel the same pains as them. It was an annoyance, for sure, but to you, anything that brought you one step closer to them was enough.

You remember exactly where you were when you first experienced your soulmates pain. You were about the age of eight, in your bedroom, reading on the floor, laying on your belly, kicking your legs about happily. That was before you felt a red, hot stinging sensation on your right cheek. Like someone had just slapped you in the face. Confusion washed all over you before you cried out, “Mum!” like any child would when random waves of pain washed over them with no reason why.

In a flash, your mother was in the doorway of your bedroom, asking what happened. You turned your cheek and pointed to it, telling her that it stung and hurt badly. Your mother’s eyes grew wide and she gasped, walking down to her child and touching the sensitive area. “Did you do this to yourself, sweetheart?” she asked, making sure that she wasn’t getting ahead of herself. Your soulmate couldn’t have possibly started showing signs of pain this young. 

You shook your head and looked up at your mother worried about what was happening to you. “Am I gonna be alright, Mum?” you asked, your eight year old head full of worry and fear. This was scary for anyone, especially a child. 

“Yes, darling, you will be quite alright. When you are a little older, your father and I will explain it all to you,” your mother brushed your cheek gently as you relaxed into her warm, maternal touch. She placed a gentle kiss on your hairline before speaking, “This happens to everyone, dear. I know, it’s confusing and can be scary. But it will end with good things, I swear it.”

And you held onto that promise that your mother told you that day on your bedroom floor. From that day on, you continued to feel random spurts of pain. A pinch in the fleshy part of your arm, a slap upside the head, a gut wrenching pain in the your gut, but most often you felt pain in your chest. Less physical pain, but like someone had just broken your heart. It would go away within seconds, but for those few seconds, it felt like someone had told you the worst news of your life, your heart felt hollow. This continued on and on for years but when you turned eleven things changed.

Two weeks before your eleventh birthday, your mother and father had talked to you about soulmates and how you felt their pain no matter where in the world they were. Even more specifically, your parents had given you warning that you might be meeting your soulmate soon. “What do you mean?” you sat in the dining room chair, dropping your fork at the suggestion of meeting your soulmate at the young, ripe age of eleven. 

Your mother looked at your father who gave her a supportive nod. She took a deep breath in before speaking, “(Y/N), honey, you know that you’ll be going to Hogwarts soon. Kids from all over will be going to school with you. One of those kids could very well be your soulmate. I mean, that’s what happened to me and your father,” she tells you as your father grabs your mother’s hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

Whilst you sat at the dinner table, face blank, your mind was running a thousand miles a minute. You were going to turn eleven and all of a sudden you could be meeting your soulmate? You were a child. You should be focusing on school work, meeting new friends, having fun, enjoying this time of your life before it goes by in the blink of an eye. “But I don’t want to. Not yet,” you protest, tears starting to pool in your eyes. “I want to meet them soon, but not now.”

Rising from his chair, your father rushes to your side, not wanting to see his daughter torn over the news that she could be meeting her soulmate. She was supposed to be happy. “Hey, kiddo, it’s okay,” he wipes away your tear, brushing the hair out of your face, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “It doesn’t mean you’re definitely going to meeting them. You might. That’s all. What your mother and I are more worried about is you being safe and having fun. That’s all,” he tells you with a reassuring smile. And in that moment, you calmed down and succumbed to a sniffling mess. “Hogwarts is going to be a blast. You’re going to meet so many new people and have so many new adventures, pumpkin. No need to worry about a silly soulmate.”

Your father’s words soothed you, but that was only temporary. When you arrived at Hogwarts, you were too involved in the thrill of things to pay attention to the small pains you would get from your soulmate. Instead, you let yourself wander away with new friends, discovering new parts of the castle and the grounds. Soon enough, finding your soulmate became the last thing on your mind.

But the years started to go by and a lot of your classmates were discovering that they had soulmates within Hogwarts. Students were putting two and two together, realizing the pains they were feeling were similar if not the same as their soulmates. In fact, most soulmate encounters happened in the hospital wing with Madam Pomfrey. A student came in complaining about a mysterious pain in their leg and low and behold, there was another student laying in a bed with their leg in a cast. Another match.

It came down to a new soulmate announcement happened every few days. You would groan and roll your eyes at the news, but deep down, you secretly wished that your soulmate would reveal themselves soon. Sure, when you first got to Hogwarts, you didn’t want to meet your soulmate because you wanted to focus on making friends and getting used to life at a new school. But now that you were in your sixth year and everyone was starting to find their soulmate, you felt left out. 

You sat in the library, studying quietly by yourself before someone hurls themself in a chair right next to you. “Quick, pretend like we’re having a conversation,” Ron grabs your arm tight and shakes you. You give him a puzzled look before he speaks, “It’s Lavender again.”

Shaking your head with a laugh, you mindlessly start talking about whatever, pretending to be deep in conversation with Ron. Out of your periphery vision, you see Lavender approach the table, but then stomp her foot in frustration before leaving the area you were in and out of the library. Ron sighs in relief and leans back in the chair as you chuckle. “Why can’t you tell her that you’re not soulmates. Is she still on you about that?” you ask him, crossing your arms across your chest.

Ron groans, “Because she makes shit up! Like in Potions! I had burnt my hand on the flame and it hurt and then she pretended like her hand burned too, but it didn’t!”

You continue to tease Ron. “Oh yeah? How do you know it didn’t actually hurt?”

He leans forward on the table and exclaims, “She’s making it up! Because when we were in class last week, she bumped into Katie Bell and she got a nose bleed. And me? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. We are not soulmates, (Y/N)! She’s bloody out of her mind.” You just sit back and laugh at Ron’s hysterics. You did have to admit though, making up pains just so you can be soulmates with someone who didn’t want to be soulmates with you. That was a little strange. “I’m telling you, we need to find our soulmates soon or I’m gonna lose my mind.”

At the mention of finding your soulmate, your heart speeds up and you gulp. You really didn’t want to talk about your soulmate right now. The thought just made you frustrated. The last sign you had gotten from them was about two weeks ago. A deep pain in your side, like something had smashed into it. 

“Have you felt anything recently? Maybe if you tell me, I’ll know of someone who felt it too,” Ron encourages. “Go on now.”

With a groan, you sit up and prop your head up on your hands as Ron waits for you to tell him. “Two weeks ago I had a crippling pain in my side. In the afternoon. Didn’t fade until an hour later,” you reveal to Ron.

He thinks for a moment and then speaks, “Which side? Where in your side? Like your stomach?”

“My left side by my ribcage. Hurt like a bitch,” you suck in, reminiscing the pain that had you curled over in bed as your roommate sat next to you in your bed, rubbing your back, trying to soothe the pain. But there was no use. 

Ron think again before speaking, “I mean...I know it’s a long shot, but I remember someone saying that during quidditch practice someone was sent to Madam Pomfrey’s for an injury. I don’t remember who, but you could probably ask Madam Pomfrey and see if she remembers.”

You shrug, running your fingers through your hair. “I don’t know if it’s worth it, Ron. What am I going to say? Two weeks ago my side hurt and I don’t know who was injured. Do you know who it was? It might be my soulmate,” you tease Ron who rolls his eyes. “When the time is right, I’ll find them.”

---------------

Another week goes by and it’s another week of no pain. From either you or your soulmate. It was like they were doing everything in their power to prevent themselves from getting hurt. Even a paper cut. Nothing. And it was making you more frustrated then ever, seeing people happily walking in the hallway with their soulmates and yet here you were, soulmate-less and painless walking in the halls by yourself. 

You walk into Potions class with a sigh, not really wanting to be here. You’d rather be hanging out with your friends in the courtyard on this beautiful, warm day rather than being cooped up inside the castle, doing nothing. “You look thrilled to be here,” Cho teases you as you take your usual seat next to her and behind Ron and Harry. “You alright?” she asks as you simply nod, not really feeling like vomiting all your baggage right now. 

Class begins as normal and your assignment was to replicate Girding Potion successfully and quickly. The whole class was at work diligently as you opened vials, reading the ingredients list, dumping them into the cauldron. As you did so, girls around you chit chatted about their soulmates and their pains, taking them as clues as to who it could be. 

The chatter was like a fly in your ear, buzzing around and around and around, driving you towards a meltdown. Sweet Hannah Abbot gushed at how Neville told her that he thought they were soulmates, bringing her two bunches of beautiful, lush flowers. Girls cooed at the story, telling her how lucky she was. Hannah was lucky; having found her soulmate and that being Neville Longbottom, Hogwarts’ sweetheart.

Girls continued to chatter about their soulmate and how close they were to finding them and how excited they were. This only made your blood boil as you angrily tossed things into the cauldron now, fists tightening. “(Y/N), take it easy,” Ron laughs next to you as he watches you angrily toss things into your concoction.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Ronald. Is my frustration bothersome? I can’t help it that I’m one of the last people in this school to find their soulmate after relentlessly searching for signs that they’re still alive,” you angrily tear up dragonfly thoraxes, tossing them into the potion as Ron just watches you concerned. “I mean bloody hell, there are fourth years who have found their soulmates and I’m still clueless as if they even go to school here. You’d thing finding one person wouldn’t be so hard, but damn it, Ronald, I’m so exhausted of hearing everyone else’s stories and how happy they are and how in love people are whilst I’m standing here trying to figure out if I still have a soulmate at this point!” you whisper yell at him, growing angrier with every word you utter. “Ugh, whatever I ju-Ow! Fuck!” you hiss as you realize you’ve burnt your hand on the open flame that licks the the cauldron. 

Ron looks at the burn and his eyes widen. “Not again,” he huffs, having been through this before. “Come here, we’ll have to run it under ice water to stop the stinging,” Ron tells you, grabbing an empty cauldron. “Aguamenti,” he casts on the cauldron, filling it up with cold water as you submerge it fully, the stinging sensation subsiding. “Professor Slughorn! (Y/N) seems to have burnt her hand,” Ron calls over Slughorn who is attentive at another work table.

Slughorn turns around and lightly chuckles, “You too, Miss (Y/L/N)? Mr. Malfoy seems to have also burnt his hand. One moment and I’ll be right with you to take a look at the burns.”

Your eyes widen and your heart sinks for a moment. “O-Okay,” you stutter before you turn to Ron who looks at you in disbelief. Draco Malfoy? No. Absolutely not. No way. Not a chance. “It’s a coincidence,” you tell Ron with a shake of your head in disbelief. “Everyone burns their hand in Potions. It happens all the time,” you try to convince yourself as you focus on your hand in the cold water, watching it clench and flex underneath the surface. 

Ron opens up his mouth in protest, but you give him a look as if to say don’t you dare try to rationalize this. Ron sighs. “Whatever you say. It’s your soulmate,” he shrugs with a little smile. 

“Shut up, Ronald, or I’ll tell Lavender,” you warn him and he instantly shuts up.

The thought of Draco Malfoy being the person the universe chose to be your soulmate made you feel physically ill. Draco was nothing you wanted in a soulmate. He was cruel and vindictive and ill-mannered and vicious. He had no care for anyone except if it benefit him in some form. How could you manage to care for someone with a character like that? 

You glanced over at Draco who watched as Professor Slughorn wrapped his badly burned handle in cream colored gauze. The motion of him wrapping the gauze around his hand was almost hypnotizing as you watched it go round and round, your eyes trailing up to Draco’s face. His face was relaxed, but his jaw was clenched and tense, accentuating his bone structure of his face. Slowly, his head turned to face yours, his cold blue eyes meeting yours as you gulped. When he looked at you, your heart thumped against your chest like a drum. Shaking it off, you look back down at your hand, but you can still feel Draco’s eyes on you. 

“If he’s my soulmate, I don’t know what I’ll do,” you whisper down, not daring to make eye contact with Ron. 

------------

Another week passed and their was radio silence from your soulmate. Nothing. However, you were kind of glad there was nothing after what happened in Potions class. You wouldn’t let yourself entertain the thought that Draco Malfoy could be your soulmate in some timeline. The more you thought about it, the sicker it made you feel. 

When you passed him in the hall, you refused to look in his direction and him you. The both of you knew what the other way thinking, but wouldn’t dare confront the other about it. It was far too risky to play that game. No need to talk about something if neither one of you wanted it to be true. 

You found yourself hanging out in the courtyard, messing around with a few of your friends as you sat on the grass, absorbing the brilliant spring sun. People chattered amongst themselves, delighted to be surrounded with their friends. As you leaned up against the tree, you chat lightly to Ron, watching other people toss around a ball, others lay around in the grass, some reading books. “Lavender finally off your back?” you ask Ron, giving him a nudge with a smile. 

Ron rolls his eyes, “Bloody finally. It only took forever.” You chuckle before resting your head on his shoulder. “Anything from you? We haven’t talked about it since....you know...” he trails off, not daring to say his name like it was You-Know-Who.

But he was always around. There was no escaping him. There he was, standing in the courtyard, surrounded by his little bitch boy posse as you sneered, “No. And I’m not even entertaining the thought that it’s him. He’s horrid.” 

Ron chuckled lightly, giving your arm a squeeze. “Alright, let’s get your mind off of him. Did you do the DaDa homework? Because I certainly did not and Hermione told me she won’t let me use hers again ‘cause I used hers last week.”

The two of you keep chatting for a little while until you feel a sharp pain in your left side, like the one you had all those weeks ago. “Ah,” you wince in pain as you hands meet you left side, clutching it in pain, writhing. “Not again.”

Ron turns and faces you, placing a hand on your shoulder. “You alright? What do you mean not again?” he asks, searching your eyes for some clarity. “You need a medic? Someone? Hannah? Come over here!” Ron calls out to Hannah Abbot who lays on the ground, head in Neville’s lap. She shoots straight up to meet you at your side, asking you what the problem was.

“It’s fine. This happened a few weeks ago. You can ask my roommate about it. I think it’s my soulmate actually. They hurt themselves badly and it seems like, ah shit, they’ve done it again,” you seethe in pain as you clutch onto your side, electricity shooting up and down your sides. 

Hannah looks at you and grabs your shoulders, trying to get you to stop contorting your body. “Don’t move, it’ll only make the pain worse, alright?” she tells you. “The pain should subside if it’s only your soulmate’s pain and not yours directly. That being said, you have any clue who your soulmate is? Are they at Hogwarts? ‘Cause if they are here, we can get them help which will ultimately help you,” Hannah explains.

And that’s when the moment you dreaded finally came. You gulp, your chest heaving up and down from the pain as you look up through your eyelashes to look across the courtyard. And low and below, there he was. Clutching onto his side, wincing in pain as he threw an arm over Blaise Zabini’s shoulder, using him as a crutch. 

From the distance, you hear him speak, “I’m fine. Honestly. I think I reopened whatever injury I got from that quidditch practice a few weeks ago. I’m alright, Blaise, honestly, no need to fuckin’ baby me.” Draco untangles himself from Blaise as brushes off his shirt while still wincing lightly at the pain.

Your heart sinks into your feet and all of a sudden you feel lightheaded. So the day in Potions class was real. Draco didn’t coincidentally burn his hand too. He felt your burn because you were soulmates. You felt his rib injury because you were soulmates. Draco Malfoy was destined to be yours. 

“I’ve got to go. Now,” you try and scramble to your feet, pushing through the burning pain up and down your ribcage, ignoring Ron and Hannah’s protests that you needed to take it easy. “The pain is gone. I’m fine. I need to go,” you simply call out, walking away from the group in the courtyard.

You were on a mission now and you were going to put an end to this. Once and for all. Without further hesitation, you grab your bag and start marching over to the other side of the courtyard to where Draco was. As you do so, he notices you approaching and starts to leave the courtyard, trying to prevent you and him having some sort of interaction. “God Godric, really, Malfoy?” you huff out to yourself, knowing that if this was the way he was reacting to the news, the future didn’t look too bright.

Draco starts to march through the corridors as you are quick on his heels, chasing him like a predator chases its prey in the wild. Draco turns to see if you are still on his toes and much to his dismay, you are right behind him. “Malfoy, would you stop running away from me? We need to have a conversation!”

He scoffs, “No, you want to have a conversation. I would like to go back to the common room and take a load off.”

You groan out in frustration before taking up a light jog and grabbing a hold of his wrist, pulling him into an empty classroom. Before he can squirm away, you shut the door and put your back against it, preventing him from going anywhere. 

The two of you just stand there, glaring at each other, both gravely disappointed with the reality that just slapped you both in the face. No one says anything for a moment. You two are just breathing, heavy and hot in the room, a few feet separating the two of you. Neither one of you dared to take a step closer to the other. 

“What’s the problem, (Y/L/N)?” Draco tucks his hands into his pockets, playing the fool. Pretending he isn’t bothered by this information that your souls were made for each other. He was trying to play it cool whilst inside his mind was screaming and shouting, how could this have happened? Someone like you with someone like him. The universe had to have made a mistake.

Oh, Malfoy, you fool. The universe doesn’t make mistakes.

Your chest is still heaving up and down as you speak, “We’re soulmates, Draco.”

He shakes his head, “Sure. Whatever that means. Congratulations, we did it. Go us. Now can you kindly move your arse out of the way so I can go relax in peace?”

“No!” you exclaim, firmly planted at the door, glaring at him. “Listen, I’m just as unhappy as you are with this outcome!” you reveal as Draco gulps with a scowl on his face. “But the universe chose us as soulmates for some reason and I’m going to listen to the universe. We both can’t ignore it anymore.” 

Draco looks away from you, refusing to look you in the eyes. For some reason, looking at you in the eyes was too much for him. It felt like you were looking into his soul, you knew all of his secrets with just a gaze into those iceberg eyes of his. 

“That day in Potions, you didn’t burn your hand...” you gently coax him. “That was my burn that you felt.”

“So what! We both burned our hands in Potions! That doesn’t make us any more or less soulmates!” he explodes in fury.

His sudden change in demeanor makes you change tactics. You knew that this conversation would be hard to have with Draco, but not like this. You didn’t think he would succumb to acting like a child at this news. Finding your soulmate should be something to celebrate, to rejoice about, but instead it was an uphill battle. But one you intended to win.

“Alright then, you want to ignore Potions. Fine! What about your rib cage? Four weeks ago, I was writhing in pain on my bed one afternoon for hours from the pain. Ron told me that a quidditch player got injured during timed trials. He didn’t know who. So, today, I feel the same pain in my side in the courtyard, just to look up at see you writhing in pain in your side. You were the quidditch player, Draco. And don’t you dare lie to me and say it was someone else. Because we both know damn well that neither of us deserve to be lied to again!” you exclaim, hot tears now brimming in your eyes, threatening to spill out. 

Draco hears the emotion in your voice and watches your soft face crack to reveal a truly sad person. His eyes soften and he gulps, feeling horribly guilty. But he doesn’t let you know it. 

“When I was younger,” you sniffle, “I always wanted to meet my soulmate. I felt so badly for them because I always felt their pain. And my soulmate was always hurting. In his body, yes, but in his heart,” you try to reason with him. “I told my mum and dad that when I met my soulmate I would give them a hug because I didn’t want them to feel anymore pain. I wanted them to feel loved.” Your eyes search Draco’s for some glimmer of hope. You weren’t expecting a proclamation of love or realization. You were looking for hope. “We were destined for each other.”

Draco takes a deep breath in before speaking, “We may be destined for each other, (Y/N). But I don’t think we can ever love each other.”

His words leave you blank. That was the best way to describe the way you felt. You weren’t surprised he would say that, but you were shocked that he had actually done it. His sad smile means nothing to you; in fact, it feels like he just twisted the knife that was in your gut.

He manages to slip out of the classroom, leaving you there, numb and blank.

--------------

You didn’t sleep that night. It was nearly impossible to sleep. The scene just kept playing on and on and on in your head until it became a broken movie reel. Your mind screamed to close your eyes and sleep, but your memories manifested themselves into a sick nightmare as you jolted awake, heart pounding. 

Your roommates were still fast asleep as you peaked a look at your clock. 2:22am. Angel number now? Great. Well, where were you hours ago? 

Slowly, you toss your legs over the side of the bed and grab a sweatshirt and slippers, pulling the cozy material closer to your chilly body. Quietly, you descend the steps of your dormitory and away into the castle to go for a midnight stroll, hoping that you would be caught by the Head Boy or Girl or any other prefect that roamed the halls patrolling them from midnight stragglers. 

The halls of Hogwarts were quiet. But not in a scary way. In a comforting way. The pictures on the walls slept gently, small snores coming from a few pictures making a small smile draw its way onto your lips as you shuffles the halls. The air was cool and crisp as you breathed it in, the sensation cooling your lungs as you sighed. This was much needed after a day like today.

As you stroll further through the castle, you come across the courtyard again and you gulp. The scene plays over and over in your head. “We may be destined for each other, (Y/N). But I don’t think we can ever love each other.” His words were a sick mantra in your mind. How could you possibly spend the rest of your life with someone who didn’t even want to put in an ounce of effort? You were supposed to be loved. Give love. Get love. But instead, you ended up with a shattered daydream of what things could have been. 

You peel your eyes away from the courtyard and to the corridor where on the edge of the wall sits who you wanted to see least of all right now. Your heart stops at the sight of his white blonde hair, sloppily slicked back. His eyes were dark and tired. He couldn’t sleep either. 

Maybe you could slip away without him knowing you were even there. Maybe if you turned around you coul-

“My father was ruthless to me as a child,” Draco speaks up without looking at you. You stop in your tracks and listen. Slowly, he turns to face you and gives you a sad smile. “Still is, to an extent. Not as physically ruthless, but...you get the idea,” he confesses as you sigh and walk over to him, taking a seat beside him on the cold brick, leaning your back against the wall.

Draco gulps and settles before continuing on. “I was always worried. That whenever he would make me feel hurt, my soulmate would feel it. My mother tried to tell me that they would be just fine, but I knew....I knew that she was lying to protect me. Protect me from whatever it was,” he trails off, becoming quiet. In the dark, you couldn’t really tell, but you knew he was softly crying, tears falling down from the pools of blue in his eyes. “I’m so sorry that you had to feel what I felt growing up...he’s a monster. My own father...”

You scoot over closer to Draco and shake your head. None of this was his fault. “Draco, you don’t need to apologize to me. Your father is despicable and you are not him,” you tell him as Draco wipes his tears before you could see them. He didn’t want to cry in front of you yet. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that all those years.”

He shakes his head, “You know, for years, I tried to convince myself that I didn’t have a soulmate,” he lightly laughs. “That way, I only had to protect myself. It was selfish of me. But...obviously, that didn’t work out. I would feel your pain too. I remember one day in third year, something had happened to you. You were running and you fell and you broke your arm. I remember yelling out in pain in the common room and Goyle looked at me like I had ten heads,” he laughs as you joined him, smiling at the memory. He was right. You were running with Ron when you had tripped and fallen in Hogsmeade and broke your right arm. “I remember you came back with a bright orange cast and everyone signed it in Divinations class. You told everyone Madam Pomfrey said you didn’t need a cast because of the Healing Potion, but you insisted on getting one because you had one when you were eight. I remember I thought you looked cute smiling and giggling as people wrote their get wells on your broken arm.”

The smile that appears on your face is wide as your heart gently flutters as he remembered all the tiny details of when you broke your arm. Draco knew for so long that you were soulmates and yet, you were so dead clueless. 

“I didn’t want to tell you that we were soulmates because I didn’t want you to be disappointed,” Draco confesses. “I guess I’m a bit too late on that one, eh?”

You shake your head and sigh, “No, Draco. I mean, do I think you’re a down right dickhead? Absolutely.” He laughs. “But I don’t think it’s too late for you to start trying to act differently. If you can remember me breaking my arm in third year and remember what color the bloody cast was...I think you can work on being a better person. Not for me. But for you.”

Draco inhales deeply before shaking his head, exhaling. “I want to be better. For me, but I want to be what you deserve. If we’re going to...do this, I want to do it right. And if, by some fucked up reason,” he laughs as you chuckle, “it doesn’t work, then at least we know that we tried.”

You feel his hand grab yours as he intertwines his fingers with yours. You look down at his hands and smile, giving it a soft squeeze, assuring him that his proposal sounded like a plan. You were going to give this a go.

If the universe believed in you and Draco, why shouldn’t you?

“That’s all I can ask for,” you whispered gently.

“And I promise I’m going to do more than you ask for. I swear on my life.”

------

taglist: @lumos-barnes @kerie-prince @pxroxide-prinxcesss @c-t-h @another-lonely-heart-blog @starlightweasley @shilohpug​

[untaemedqueen]

The Price Of Love (M)

Idol!Taehyung x Ex-Girlfriend!Reader

WordCount: 8.1k

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Exes To Lovers!AU

Warnings: Marking, Cunnilingus, Body Worship, Belly Worship, Fingering, Praise, Squirting, Fellatio, Degradation (Slut), Big Dick!Taehyung, Slight Dom!Taehyung, Face Fucking, Cum Swallowing, Pregnant Sex, Crying During Sex, Multiple Orgasms, Doggy Style, Spanking, Possessive!Taehyung, Cream Pie

A/N: I’ve had this in the WIPs for a few weeks and I’ve slowly but surely added to it until I got it to where I liked it. @xjoonchildx​, @ladyartemesia​ and @ppersonna​ heard all my bitching and moaning about it giving me a headache because I wanted it to feel right and real. So thanks to the forever squad for listening to my bitching! Enjoy!

"We can't keep doing this." 

Those five words had stuck the fear of God into your boyfriend's heart as he sits across the hotel room with a glass of wine in hand. His hand falters, red wine sloshing around the glass before he widens his eyes at you.

"Excuse me? What?" He asks feebly as you avert your eyes from his handsome face. 

"This. Us. We can't keep doing this like it'll work out." You say, bile rising in your throat at the words you choke out.

He opens his mouth in shock before setting down his wine glass. "No. No! I don't understand! We're fine!" He mumbles to himself before standing up.

You shy away from his touch as he crosses the bedroom to you. Your eyes are trained on the floor as you hear him whimper. His large hand falls to your thigh and you furrow your eyebrows before standing. 

"Is it because of me spending time on the Weverse app or… I've been playing too many games with fans because I can-"

Your eyes flit to his, a cold stare shot at him cutting him off. "Kim Taehyung, I would never ask you to stop interacting with your fans. Are you kidding me?" You bark out at him before scoffing and grabbing your bag.

"Y/N. Please. There must be something I can do to make you stay. We've been together for two years… Tell me, I'll fix it." His voice is wrought with agony and you tense up hearing a sob rip through his throat.

"There's nothing to fix. We're done. I'm sorry." You tell him before grabbing your toiletries from the bathroom. You hear him shuffling behind you, sobbing and destroyed. You can't seem to turn around before glancing at him through the mirror. You've broken the most handsome man in the entire universe. 

"I'll do anything. I'll-I'll leave tour more and fly to see you. Y/N please. We can get married like we've always talked about. Anything-I'll-" You zipper up your bag before closing your eyes. You want to cry, scream, kiss him- anything and everything. But, you did this and you have to go through with it. There's nothing worse than this. And, you still have to do it. "Bye, Tae."

"Taehyung?" His name snaps him out of his memory. His fingers run through his hair before putting his temple to the van door. 

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm good." He whispers to his best friend before looking out the dark tinted window as the van drives towards their apartments. 

"You've been thinking about her lately." Jimin whispers to him before folding his arms. Jimin always loved you, you were so dear to him and he could never truly understand why you left Taehyung in that way. You ruined him. You created a shell of a man. But, you must have had your reasons. You didn't do things carelessly.

"I wonder how she is." Taehyung whispers before closing his eyes. He can still see the way you laughed, how you would dance around the kitchen making food. How your bare feet would slide across the heated tiled floor. His hand drifts over his heart before putting on his sunglasses. "You should call her." Jimin whispers quietly before pressing his plush lips into a straight line.

"Why? She wants nothing to do with me." He whispers before looking out the window as people go about their business. 

Seoul was so fast moving and Taehyung was slowly becoming a snail. The van stops at a light and he sighs as he watches the people go to and fro. It's a mere second that he catches sight of the black wrap dress he bought you. His hands press up against the window as he jumps out of his seat. 

It was you, there was no mistaking it. Or else, he's gone crazy. Your hair was its natural color again, not dyed like six months ago. You were walking with the tide of people, hand on your stomach. Taehyung gasps loudly before banging on the car window. You're pregnant?!

"Chim! Look! It's Y/N! She-She's-" Jimin jumps over his shoulder bag before looking where Taehyung is pointing.

"Where?!" He asks loudly as Taehyung turns his head towards his best friend with a smile. 

"There! At the corner!" Turning his head back, his shoulders slouch as his eyes frantically look for you.

"Tae...I don't see her." Jimin whispers before sitting back down in his seat.

"She was there! I saw her! She was…" His voice trails off before putting his hands over his face. You were pregnant.

His apartment was cold. You used to put on the heating system for him when you knew he was coming home. You used to have dinner made with a big smile on your face. He would lather you in kisses, hug you so tightly like you would disintegrate to dust if he let you go. Throwing his bag to the floor, he mindlessly pads across the cold floor before laying down on the couch. 

"I'm going crazy." He whispers before sobbing loudly. His wavy black hair falls into his eyes as he presses his face into the couch cushion.

The couch dips and paws climb up his body before his arms encircle his dog. 

"Tan. I'm going crazy. I saw mommy today." He mumbles to his dog as he licks his tear streaked cheeks. With a breathless sigh he wipes at his running nose with the back of his hand before closing his eyes.

"I saw her. I swear to God. She looked...beautiful." He whispers as his jaw goes slack. Yeontan lays on his chest, furry face burying into his neck as he stomps his foot on the couch.

"I know what I saw. She's pregnant." He mumbles before pulling out his phone. Jimin told him to delete your number a hundred times over and you were still there. 

'My Love'

Taunting him to shame. He ignores his innermost screaming. His mind begging him not to crack open this closet filled with skeletons but he presses the call button anyway. 

His palms begin to sweat. Heart beating voraciously loud in his ears as he stares up at the ceiling. It begins to beat harder when he hears you.

"Hello?"

"You aren't serious! You can't leave!" Taehyung begs as he chases you down the hotel corridor. He grabs your arm as you call for the elevator. You turn to him, eyes glassy with tears as you look up at him.

His nose was pink, cheeks streaked with tears of agony as he holds your shoulders. "Please. I love you. Don't leave me." He whispers, voice cracking as he begins to sob again. 

"Don't make this hard. You know how I feel about you too." You whisper before closing your eyes and begging for the elevator to hurry the fuck up.

"If you love me then don't go. Stay. I'll do anything. Please, baby. Please." His voice trails off as he rubs his thumb over your jaw line. 

"It'll be better off this way. I'm a burden and I won't have you ruining your career." You tell him before swallowing thickly. The elevator bell dings and you sigh before pulling away from him harshly. 

"Y/N." Pleading is the only way to describe his voice and you sniff gently before getting on to the elevator.

"I love you, Tae. I'm sorry." You whisper before pressing the ground floor and looking away as the doors close.

"I saw you." Taehyung's voice comes out gruffer than he means to. But, goddamn does your voice fill him with emotion.

"What?!" You say loudly and Taehyung swears he can hear glass break on your end of the phone call.

"I saw you today. When we were driving back from the airport. In that black dress." He puts his hand on his forehead before pressing his lips into a straight line.

"I thought you were in Japan." You whisper and he scoffs loudly.

"We came back a day early." He mumbles before setting Yeontan on the floor as he stands up.

"Oh, Tae. I'm so sorry but I think you're confused or-"

"Don't do that! Don't you dare do that to me! Don't make me seem like I'm fucking crazy like all the other guys do! I SAW YOU! And you're- you were- are…" He can't finish his sentence as he walks towards the large windows of his apartment. 

He stares down at the Seoul traffic as you stammer on syllables. "I should-"

"Should go? No. Don't you do this to me, Y/N!" He yells as he presses his index finger to the spotless glass. 

"I'm coming over." You say before hanging up the phone. He looks down at his phone before putting his forehead to the window.

"Oh Christ." He whispers shakily before putting his hand over his mouth.

It takes you 30 minutes to get to his apartment. 30 minutes for Taehyung to go back and forth in his living room with Yeontan on his tail. 

One arm tucked under the other as his hand presses to his mouth. He's rehearsed what he is going to say to you. He's going to look you in the eye and tell you how fucked up you made him. How absolutely soulless he's been without you. A global star turned into a mere shell because of you. Nothing has been the same. Food doesn't taste the same. And yet…

The doorbell rings and he jumps out of his skin before jogging over to the mirror. He fixes his hair, brushes his thumb over some stray eyeliner before puffing out his cheeks. 

What was he going to say again? You ring the doorbell again as Yeontan scurries over to the door. 

"Okay. You can do this...Just… Tell her." He whispers, and with a shaking hand he grips the door handle. 

Swinging the door open, you collectively gasp at one another. Taehyung's mouth opens before blinking. 

"Hi." You whisper to him as he falters backwards.

"I knew it." He mumbles before turning away from you and walking towards the couch on shaky legs. You close the door behind you before folding your arms, almost as if it's a defense mechanism. 

Taehyung turns his head to you before giving an incredulous scoff. 

"I had s-so many things I wanted to say to you." He says before his body slams onto the couch. 

You follow after him, but not before picking up Yeontan as he jumps on your leg excited. He hasn't seen you in so long and he can't help but yap happily as you kiss the top of his head. Taehyung plants his elbows on his knees as he buries his face into his hands. 

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." He whispers before leaning back and letting his head loll onto the lip of the couch. His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows thickly before watching you trudge in front of him. He lets out a disbelieving laugh before looking back up at the ceiling.

"Y/N. What the fuck!" He yells before closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry." You whisper as Yeontan shifts in your arms. He chuckles to himself before slapping his forehead with the palm of his hand.

"You're sorry? Oh. Good. Sorry." He says before sitting up quickly. You jump slightly before clearing your throat. 

"I thought it would be best if I left so you didn't have to deal with-" He holds his hand up silencing you. 

"How dare you?" He whispers before his eyes meet yours. He wants to cry, to break something. But, he can't get over how beautiful you look. 

"Y/N. How dare you do this to me." He mumbles before watching Yeontan lick your cheek. 

You step closer to him and he spreads his legs like it was normal. Like you hadn't left six months ago. Stepping inside of them, he reaches out to you before leaning forward.

"How dare you hide this from me. Like I wouldn't fight tooth and nail for you and-" He presses his hand to your growing stomach before pulling away as if he has been burnt. 

You recoil from him before turning around. You put your hand over your mouth before shaking your head.

"This was a bad idea." You mumble before setting Yeontan down on the floor. Taehyung watches you press your hand to your back before slowly standing upright. He takes a sharp inhale through his nose before jumping over the couch. 

"Don't you take my child away from me." He says quickly as he presses his back against the front door.

You whimper before closing your eyes. "You left me, knowing you were pregnant with my child?" He asks quietly, his voice creeping through the large living room as he stares at your closed eyes.

"Yes." You whisper back and he feels as if he's been shot through the heart.

"Why? Y/N how could you fucking do this to me? I loved you...I love you." His hand cups your face and it's almost frightening how comfortable it is. How at peace you feel by his touch.

"Because you're busy and you don't have time for a child or...or love." You say as his hand snakes from your cheek to the back of your neck pulling you closer to him.

"Don't you dare say what I am and what I'm not. If you gave me the choice I would have stuck by your side through everything. Your morning sickness, your tiredness, your… whatever other things pregnant people do." He finishes off in a mumble that makes a giggle break free from you as you open your eyes.

"I was scared." You tell him and he can only scoff at your words.

"You were scared...I love you, Y/N. What's there to be scared of when we're together?" He asks as his thumb brushes over your collarbone.

"Oh I don't know, your billion managers, the boys, ARMY. I could go on." You tell him as he pulls you closer. Your stomach presses against his body and he shudders at the feeling. 

"Jesus Christ." He swallows thickly before looking down at the obstruction between the both of you.

"Do you love me? Still?" He asks and your eyes look up at his as his mocha irises gleam with uncertain emotion. 

"Yes. I still love you." You say before pointing at your stomach. He snorts gently, a breathy noise his nose before grabbing your hand. 

It's almost frightening how calming you are to him. He should be pissed- furious even. But you, here in front of him like this is like a dream.

He wants the comfort of holding you in his arms back. He wants to be able to lay in bed with you on off days for hours, playing with your fingers and singing mindlessly with you.

He just wants you back in his reality. 

He wants you back in his bed.

"Come lay down with me. It's late." He says and you stay rooted in the spot as he pulls you.

"This isn't the same Tae. We aren't the same." You tell him sternly. To which he rolls his eyes before tugging you harder. 

You whine his name gently and if you didn't have his child six months and growing in your stomach, it would be like nothing has changed. The whirlwind of emotions comes to a halt inside of him as he intertwines your fingers with yours as you walk down his long hallway. 

There are so many questions he has but he didn't know if he needed the answers, to be honest. Just thinking of all the things you'd been through alone because you were trying to save him in some fucked up way sets him in a weird sort of comfort. 

He lays down before rubbing the spot next to him. "You're on my side of the bed." You tell him and he smirks before rolling over.

"I thought you'd forgotten." He says before putting his hand under his cheek. You sit down gingerly and he moves instantaneously to help you lay back like an instinct. 

"I'm okay. Don't worry. I can even open jars by myself." You say giving a fake gasp.

Tae chuckles before looking at your stomach as he lays his head in the pillow. "Having my baby is giving you super strength? You can open a jar now? Color me impressed." You laugh rolling your eyes before putting your hand on your stomach.

He sits up before taking a deep breath. "You fucked up, you realize that don't you? You took away the chance of me watching my child grow all these months." 

You sigh, the guilt eating away at you as you hold up two fingers. He raises an eyebrow before kissing the back of your hand.

"Two? Two what?" He asks as he leans closer to you. His lips drift over the skin of your arm and his eyes flutter shut at the familiar softness.

"Twins." You mumble. 

His lips stop and his eyes snap open. It begins then. A voraciously nervous laugh bubbles forth from him. "I cannot believe this." He says through laughter before burying his face into the pillow. 

You swallow nervously as he sighs loudly. "You need to promise me you aren't going anywhere again. You'll stay. We'll get married like we always wanted to and...and we'll be a family."

You take a sharp breath through your teeth as he looks at you. You nod before intertwining your fingers, "I promise." You whisper as he leans in.

"Good. I've missed you so much that I felt my world was crashing down." Taehyung mutters out before pressing his forehead to yours.

"Can I touch?" He asks before looking down at your stomach. 

"Of course you can." You reply, almost breathlessly.

He takes a sharp breath before looking at your belly. 

"Oh Jesus." He whispers before flexing his hands and fingers. His hands gently lower themselves and you watch as his eyes become glassy. 

He presses his hands to your stomach before looking down. He gives a wry laugh as tears begin to stream down his cheeks. "Wow! I mean...Wow! That's my… These are my babies." He whispers before closing his eyes.

You giggle gently as you wipe at your eyes as tears trail out of the corners and down your cheeks. 

"I have to make up for so much lost time...I-" A kick comes from your stomach and you flinch gingerly with a chuckle as it twinges your rib. He gasps gently, putting a hand to your face to make sure you're alright before putting his cheek to your stomach.

"Hi. I'm your dad. Mommy's been taking care of you because she was afraid but there's no need to be frightened. I'm here now. Daddy's here." He whispers to your stomach before lifting up your shirt. 

"Fuck." He curses as he puts his forehead to your belly. You giggle before running your fingers through his hair. You feel the guilt setting into your bones, but it comes to a heady stop at his words.

"You're huge." His voice is muffled into your skin and you gasp loudly before slapping his shoulder.

"Rude! You can say it nicer!" You chide him, making him laugh.

"You're beautiful. As always." He whispers before kissing your stomach. His lips, so warm and soft it has your eyebrows furrowing together as he crawls up the bed to lay beside you.

"I really missed you. My heart ached for you. I felt so hopeless without you." He kisses your forehead before sighing. You run your hand over his cheek before turning on your side.

"Easy. Do you need like, a pillow or like...a warm water bottle?" You nod gently and he takes the pillow from underneath his head before propping it underneath your side.

"Also this isn't England back when King Henry was alive. Who needs warm water bottles?" You quip back with a laugh.

"I need to learn what pregnant women need and want. And I have to buy all different stuff for our babies and-" You smile widely as you put your finger on his lips. 

"Do you want to know their gender?" You ask him as you run your fingers through his hair. 

"Yes! Please!" He begs as he runs his hand over your engorged skin.

"Twin girls." He chuckles to himself before sniffling. Squeezing his eyes tightly he pulls your head to his chest, letting your belly rest on his body. 

"Wow. Three to one, huh?" 

"Eh. Well more like three to seven." You tell him and he laughs loudly before nodding. "The guys are going to get so excited. Especially Jimin." 

Laying in bed with you is something Taehyung had only dreamed about the past six months. And now, here he was. 

His thumb caresses your bottom lip as you speak and exhaustion isn't a word in his vocabulary as you talk about the past six months.

"Have you been with anyone else?" Taehyung asks you and you give him an incredulous look before pointing at your stomach.

"I haven't even been with myself." You murmur out making him chuckle. His big box smile graces his face before kissing your lips gently.

"You? Have you?" You ask him as you run your fingers down his bare chest. He shivers at the contact before nodding slightly.

"Yes. The company paid a woman to...to try to get rid of my terrible thoughts. Tried to get rid of my loneliness but it couldn't be helped… I moaned your name and only yours. She felt...disgusting. Not like you at all." He whispers as his eyes look past you as if he's reliving a disturbing memory. You hum to him before kissing the birth mark on his nose.

"At least you didn't forget about me." 

"Never. I'd never forget." He tells you as he runs his hands up your stomach. With a groan you lay on your back before smiling gently at him. His eyes glance over your body before licking his lips.

You were simply glowing with his children within you. And, he wouldn't have had any sexual intentions if your nipples weren't going stiff and peaking out beneath your lacy bra and thin tank top.

"You haven't even touched yourself, you say?" He asks gently as he sits up. You hum to him and he runs his finger over your bare stomach. 

"You look beautiful. I told you, you would be divine with my children inside of you. Didn't I?" You give a snort as he runs his hands over your clothed thighs.

"Can I help you? Y'know cum?" He asks, tongue sliding over his bottom lip before smirking at you. It's the way his big eyes drink you in that you find your thighs unconsciously pressing together. 

You hadn't thought about the need for relief in all these months, if you're being honest. You were too busy being nervous and riddled with grief.

But here now. As Taehyung's hands run over your clothed thighs, you feel comfortable. You feel at ease. And, the need for relief is coming back in waves so large they could capsize a boat.

Crawling over you, he minds your stomach before bending down and kissing your lips. The kiss is filled with heated passion, the both of you pouring out your worries and the way you've missed each other for six months.

Your fingers intertwined into his soft locks as he holds himself up from your body. 

The tip of his tongue glides over your bottom lip and like an instinct your mouth opens for him. 

He groans into your mouth, a needy carnal noise of please, as his smooth wet muscle glides over yours. Tugging on his hair harder, he whines before pulling away from you.

His arms get weak and his stomach presses into yours before pulling away. The sound of his gentle laugh gets your stomach doing somersaults inside of you.

"Like trying to fuck during an obstacle course." He mumbles, earning a laugh from you. 

He taps your arms as he licks his lips and you sit up long enough for your tank top to be discarded to the floor.

"Fuck." He lowly curses as his thighs straddle yours.

He takes his time kissing over your peony scented skin, the scent taking him back years and he can't help the ball that begins to form in his throat. He could cry out, screaming seven ways to hell as fat tears rolled down his cheeks. But instead, he will enjoy this moment. He has to. You're his again.

His lips pluck at the delicate skin of your neck, leaving small patches of pink and reds in his wake. 

His hands find your breasts, squeezing them gently. He adores lace on you and now, with the added cup sizes he could quite literally say that he's in heaven. 

His hand snakes around your back before unclipping your bra with the snap of his index finger and his thumb. You hum pleased at the skill you taught him and he chuckles before pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

"Look at you." He murmurs reverently as you lay back down before him.

"Be gentle." You whisper to him and he nods understanding. 

His head bows down, his black hair falling into his eyes as his lips wrap around your dark areola.

Small keens and mewls leave your lips as his hands press harder against your thighs, kneading the flesh with the tips of his fingers.

"Tae." You whine out as he locks your legs in place, squeezing his knees to keep them shut beneath him.

It's a dizzying kind of elated emotion you feel. Your hands drift over his clothed shoulders and you give an almost childish whine as you tug at the cloth. 

His mocha irises meet yours before pulling away and taking off his shirt. His lips are back onto your breast in a matter of seconds. 

Your fingernails leave small red lines over his back as he flicks at your nipple with the tip of his tongue. 

One of his hands presses to the distended side of your belly, almost as if to make sure how big you are so he doesn't hurt you.

"I fucking missed you." He mumbles as he switches his attention to your free breast. 

You can feel your arousal soaking your panties. It's been so long since you've been given this beautiful attention.

With a whimper, you tug at his hair. 

He takes a sharp breath between his teeth before narrowing his eyes at you.

"Have you forgotten how to behave, baby girl? You've forgotten who you belong to?" Taehyung asks.

The authority in his voice makes you shiver. Biting your bottom lip, you shake your head releasing his hair from your grasp.

"I wanted to be gentle with you, seeing as how you've been keeping my little girls so safe inside of you but I think you want to be punished." His voice is filled with this natural cockiness that has your chest constricting with elation.

His hands hook into the sides of your sweatpants and you meet his eyes as he presses open mouthed kisses to your stomach. 

Your gentle gasps and whimpers have his hard cock twitching and pressing into the fabric of his loose grey pants.

"I-I haven't shaved or gotten waxed…" Your voice becomes weak towards the end of your sentence and he clicks his teeth in reply.

"When have I ever cared about that? Ever?" He asks seriously. His lips peck yours before tugging down your pants.

He finds himself smirking at the sight. Small strands of arousal break and cling to your sodden lips as he throws your clothes behind him.

He hums to himself as he spreads your legs. This was akin to home for him. He was so sincerely excited to have you back but, being between your legs it's like you never left.

"You can't blow on it." You tell him quickly as his body bows down.

He picks his head up above your belly before winking at you and nodding.

His hands wrap around your thighs, keeping them locked in their open place. His thumbs drift over the bottom of your belly as he watches your cunt clutch around nothingness.

You were so desperately horny now, just the hot ragged breaths you feel from him have your clit aching with need.

You couldn't see him above your stomach, which added this mysterious intrigue to what he was going to do next.

“Shit.” He whispers and you find your heart skipping a beat before his lips encircle your clit. 

He devours you as if he’s been starved of you- because he has.

He adores your moans as they crescendo in the quiet room. 

You taste sweeter than before but it’s something so familiar that it drives him insane. He finds himself moaning against you, clutching harder onto your thighs as you writhe beneath him at the sheer pleasure.

His finger prods at your entrance as he continues to lavish upon you. You can feel this invisible band inside of you tightening so quickly, it’s been so long since you’ve felt him adore you in this way. 

Entering his finger inside of you, he pulls away just to watch your eyebrows furrow from the amazing feeling.

“God, you’re so fucking tight.” He whispers as he kisses the skin of your stomach. 

His long finger curls inside of you, expertly knowing where the soft patch of nerves is that will help you become undone beneath him. 

“Tae!” You whine as your hips lift off of the bed. 

He loves that. The way you moan his name in your heated ecstasy. He wants more of it, to hear you blubber and call his name out to the heavens. 

Sliding another finger in, his lips leave your stomach before encircling your clit once more. 

Your hands grip at the sheets beside you, white knuckling them completely. 

Your heartbeat is in your ears as you grind your needy cunt to his face. 

“Good girl.” He praises you as your eyes flutter closed.

You can feel the pleasure coming to a head as he rears back before spitting on your soaked lips. 

Shivering at the feeling, your head lolls back as you lose yourself.

He can feel your pussy throbbing and pulsing around his fingers. He goads you on with quick licks with the tip of his tongue. 

His name falls like a prayer from your lips before gasping. White spots begin to dot the inside of your eyelids and you can barely hold on to your sanity.

“Cum for me, baby girl.” He whispers against you.

Curling his fingers fast inside of you, the breath is pulled from your lungs as you let out a low whine.

You orgasm with a muddled mind, moaning his name so loudly he can practically feel it reverberating through his body. Your cum squirts onto his hand as your back bows off of the bed.

Ears ringing with white noise, you can barely hear his praises as his hand roams over your stomach. 

“God, you’re so perfect.” He says as he pulls out of you slowly. 

He waits patiently as you come down from your high, kissing at your hardened nipples. 

You feel almost drunk and sluggish off of his pleasure.

Opening your eyes, you’re met with the handsome man's smirk. 

“It’s been too long since you’ve squirted on me.” He whispers earning a laugh from you as he pulls down his grey pants. 

For you, it’s been too long since you’ve seen his impressive length. It’s award worthy, seriously. You can feel your mouth watering as you take his hardened length into your sights. The soft rose veins that pepper it in its entirety and the mushroom tip that’s reddened with need, call out to you as you sit up.

He hums nervously as he sits up on his knees. 

“I don’t know, baby. Can you?” He asks as you spread your legs to accommodate your stomach. 

You wrinkle your nose at his sweetness as he runs his hand over your cheek.

“I’ll be fine.” You say as you inch your way closer to him.

“I don’t know. I mean, you might be uncomf-” His concern is cut off with a sharp groan as your hand wraps around the long length of his cock. 

He whimpers as his bottom lip tucks between his teeth. Your free hand finds its way beneath your stomach as your head bows down. 

His hand scrambles to grab the headboard of his bed as you kiss over his shaft. 

“Agh, fuck.” He mutters as his eyes close.

Your lips are so warm and soft against him, precum begins to pool at his slit before lazily traipsing down. You lick up the precum, moaning at the distant yet familiar taste. 

He takes a sharp breath through his teeth as your tongue swirls over the tip. 

“Fuck, just like that baby girl.” He curses as his free hand combs through your hair. 

He can remember all the times you’ve become sloppy on his cock. He adored seeing your spit and his precum streaming down your chin and neck, his cock twitches and throbs in your mouth at the memory. 

He grabs your hair into a makeshift ponytail before lolling his head back as your mouth sheathes his cock.

Whatever you couldn’t fit in your mouth, you stroke as you fuck his cock into your mouth.

“Yeah, fuck. You like that, don’t you? Like my cock in your slut mouth.” He groans out.

Your eyes stare at his small abs as they contort and press to his taut skin. His golden skin shines in the moonlight as a sheen of sweat envelops him. 

Working your mouth faster on him, you can’t help but feel a new wave of arousal sweep through you as he moans your name. 

His hips thrust toward your mouth as he lets your hair go. His hand clutches to the back of your head as he looks down at you.

“Open up, baby girl. Swallow my cock.” He commands and you whimper in reply.

Swallowing around him, he moans loudly as your nose nestles to his pubic bone.

“Jesus.” He whines as he pulls your head down faster on him.

Your gag reflex springs into action as he begins to fuck your throat. Tears make your eyes glassy before rolling down your cheeks. 

Spit and precum stream down your chin as his eyes stay locked on yours.

“You’re so fucking messy. Look at you, shit.” He moans through clenched teeth as he holds you down on his cock.

You moan at his words, your clit rubbing against his bedsheets at his brutal actions. 

Letting go of the headboard of his bed, his hand lands on your stomach as he holds you close to him.

His long, thick cock begins to thicken and throb as you run your tongue over his length with every thrust.

“Fuck! Y/N! Such a little slut! Your mouth feels so good on my cock. Taking it so well.” He whines out as you grip on to his thighs.

You can tell he’s close by the way he whimpers and drives the head of his cock deeper into your throat.

“Swallow my cum and show me how fucking sorry you are that you took my girls away from me.” He seathes out through his teeth as his eyes squeeze shut.

His face painted in pure bliss is something you could never get out of your head and seeing it above you now is just heaven on Earth.

He whimpers your name over and over, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he presses your head down deeper on his cock. 

“Yes! Fuck!” He whines as his ropes of cum meet your throat.

You swallow around him, relishing in the warm, salty taste. His body shakes through the pleasure, thighs twitching rapidly. 

He lets out a long groan, the sound going straight to your core as he pulls out of your mouth slowly.

Tapping his index finger to your cheek, you open your mouth for him as he angles your chin up to see inside your mouth, “Good girl, baby.” He praises you before kissing your forehead. 

He stands off of the bed with shaky legs before sighing happily. 

You lay back down as his hands hook behind your knees. You giggle as he pulls your body down to the edge of the bed. He kisses over your stomach as your feet find their place on the floor. 

He stands up tall before you as he spreads your legs.

“You see how horny I am for you?” He asks playfully as his cock still stands to attention. 

His hands palm at your breasts, squeezing and rolling them gently. He runs his cock through your sodden lips, coating the underside of his cock in your arousal.

“Your pussy feels so warm.” He murmurs out in wonder before prodding at your entrance.

You bite your bottom lip in anticipation. Running his hands over your sides, he enters his cock into you slowly. 

Both of your mouths drop open in tandem at the amazing feeling. 

“Fuck.” You whine as his head lolls back. 

He buries himself to the hilt before stilling inside of you, letting you get adjusted to his large length. 

“You look so beautiful underneath me.” He says. Your heart flutters at his words, cunt clutching around his length. 

He smiles down at you. The smile holding all these elated emotions he could never put into words. He was so amazed to even be here with you again.

Your body was soaked in the white moonlight as it shines through the large bay windows of his bedroom. He has never seen anything more beautiful. 

“You’re never leaving again. Do you understand me?” He asks seriously as he pulls out of you slowly.

“Yes.” You reply earnestly.

He snaps his hips back into you, the bulbous head of his cock dragging against your plush walls. Your hands grip at the edge of the bed as you moan his name loudly. 

He sets a relentless pace as his hands caress your stomach. 

“Fuck, your pussy feels so fucking good. So tight and wet for me.” He groans. 

“Tae!” You whimper as your fingers pinch and roll your nipples between your fingertips.

All of his thrusts held a deeper meaning and he could practically cry out of happiness to be here with you in this very minute. 

Tucking his bottom lip between his teeth, his hands grip harder at your stomach as he snaps his hips harder against you.

“You are mine, forever.” Each word is punctuated with a harsh thrust that has your head swimming in white-hot pleasure.

His hand reaches the apex of your thighs, he rubs furious circles on your clit as your back bows off of the bed.

Your legs spread wider for him as he moans your name. 

You were like putty in his hands, becoming boneless and sinking into his large bed as he fucks you so well. 

He could feel your pussy begin to throb and pulse around him, begging for release around him.

He moans pleased at how easy it is to please you, “Cum on my cock, baby. I feel it. Shit.” He moans.

With just a few more thrusts, you were cumming on his cock. You were blubbering and moaning for him with gentle whines as he fucks you through your orgasm. 

“Christ! You got so tight!” He says before pulling out of you. 

Whimpering at the loss, your eyes find his as he gives a breathless smile. 

He twirls his finger and you understand what he wants immediately. He helps you turn over, grabbing a pillow for you and putting it underneath your stomach. 

“You okay?” He asks as he positions himself at your entrance once more. 

“Yeah.” You whisper.

His lips kiss over your back as he thrusts himself back inside you. 

Your voice was hoarse and dry from the moans and pleasure you’ve been receiving but you can’t help but want more as his hands grip at your hips. 

He pulls you back fervently on his cock as he kisses over your shoulder. 

It’s the familiar scent of peony that makes him feel home. It drives him closer to the edge as he holds you so close to him.

Standing back up, he feels his throat tightening as the globes of your ass jiggle with each thrust. 

“Goddamn.” He moans before spanking you hard. 

You gasp loudly, burying your face into the sheets as your skin smarts from his slap. 

He groans at the noise you make before slapping your ass again.

“You look so fucking good with a red ass.” He moans out before slapping your other cheek. 

You can feel your arousal dripping down his balls and onto your thighs below. It’s almost animalistic how he drives himself inside of you.

“Cum for me one more time.” He says as he wraps his hand around the back of your neck. 

Your moans and loud whimpers earn praise from him as he snakes his arm around your stomach and to the apex of your thighs. 

“Your clit is so fucking swollen.” He mumbles as he begins to rub circles.

“Taehy-ung!” You cry out as your body begins to shake from the over-stimulation.

“Take it like the good girl you are. C’mon.” He mumbles as he presses his chest to your back. 

“I-I can’t!” You whine but your body betrays you as your legs spread wider for him, bucking back against him with the little strength you have left.

“Yes, you can. Your pregnant cunt is wetting my cock so nicely, baby girl. You’re dying to cum again on my big cock.” He mumbles in your ear. 

His index finger and thumb pinch your clit gently and you can feel tears welling up in your eyes as he grips at your hip harder.

You can hear his ragged breaths in your ear, setting your nerve ending aflame.

“You’re going to cum on my cock again like a good girl. Show me how much your slut cunt missed me.” He murmurs before kissing the shell of your ear. 

The invisible band begins to tighten within you again for the third time and your eyes squeeze shut at the feeling. 

“Your pregnant pussy is dripping all over my cock, begging to put another load into your needy cunt. You love my cock, don’t you?” He seethes as he fucks you quicker.

“Y-Yes!” You whine as he pinches your clit again. 

“That’s right. You missed my cock inside your pretty little pussy.” He lifts himself off of your back and the sound of skin slapping skin resounds through the stagnant air. 

“God!” He groans out and you can feel his cock thickening inside of you.

“Tae! Fuck, I’m-I’m cumming!” 

“That’s a good girl. Cum for me.” He moans.

Your thighs quake and your face buries into the sheets as you orgasm for the third time. With muffled ears you can hear him cursing behind you, bucking into you with all of his strength as he drives himself to his release.

“I love you so fucking much. Tell me who this pregnant pussy belongs to.” He says as he grips onto your hips.

“You, only you.” You whimper out, voice riddled with exhaustion. 

“That’s right.” 

He groans loudly as he reaches his end, “God, I’m cumming baby! Fuck!” 

Ropes of cum lather the walls of your pussy as his head lolls back. Weakly you look behind you as you watch him bask in the glory. He was so handsome and so perfect. How could you ever have left him?

You can see a few tears fall from his eyes as he lifts his head back up and he wipes them away quickly before pulling out of you. He hums to himself as your pussy begins to cream with his cum. 

He helps you lay back down and you find your eyes becoming heavy with exhaustion. 

“I love you.” He whispers as he fixes the pillow beneath your head.

“I love you too.” You whisper as your eyes become lidded.

Wiping his cock with his briefs, he looks you over before sighing loudly. 

“Don’t...Don’t leave me again. Please.” He begs your sleeping form before laying down beside you. 

He lays his head on your stomach before looking out the window as the moon shines brightly into the room. Pressing his lips to your distended skin, his eyes squeeze shut. 

His forehead presses to your stomach as he sighs. Now that he has you back, you can’t leave again. You make him feel whole, you make him complete.

He isn’t Kim Taehyung without you, and he hopes you know that.

It took him a long time to fall asleep last night. 

He stayed up just looking at you, putting his hand on his children. He cried a few times too. He was so happy, so confused, so completely in love with you.

Waking up this morning, he groans as his hand reaches for your belly only to be met with cold sheets. 

His eyebrows furrow before he’s jumping up in bed.

“Babe?! Y/N?!” He calls loudly as his neck cranes to look into the en suite bathroom. 

It was dark and he found this overwhelming darkness creeping into his heart. 

“Babe!” He yells as he jumps out of bed. 

His throat constricts and he feels lightheaded as he throws on his pajama pants. 

“Y/N!” He screams at the top of his lungs as he rushes out of the bedroom and down the hallway. 

His eyes fill with tears and his hand clutches at his heart.

“No!” He yells as he skids into the empty living room. 

“Fuck!” He bawls before leaning against the kitchen island. He buries his face into his hands as he sobs loudly.

“No.” He cries feebly. His legs feel weak and he has to will himself to stand up.

The front door opens with laughs and Taehyung’s head springs up as you enter with Jimin and Jeongguk behind you.

The room falls silent as he shoves off of the island counter and barrels towards you.

He disregards his closest friends as he pulls you into a hug. You hug him back, as his body shakes in your arms.

“Hey.” You whisper concerned as he buries his face into your hair.

“Where’d you go? I was…” He trails off as he sobs quietly.

“I went to get breakfast. You didn’t have anything in the apartment because you went on tour. I ran into Chim and Gukkie in the lobby.” You say as you pull away.

His hand caresses your cheek as you wipe his tears from his face.

“I thought you left...left me.” He hiccups before pulling you back to his chest. You close your eyes as you hold him as tightly as you can.

“I’m not going anywhere Tae.” You whisper as he looks over wearily at his two friends. 

Their eyes show sorrow for him and he closes his eyes tightly before relishing in your hug. 

You stayed like this for a few minutes until his heart had calmed down. Pulling away, his hand lands on your belly before kissing your temple.

“I’m sorry. I should have left a note.” You say as he brushes some hair behind your ear. 

He swallows nervously before nodding. 

“She remembers what you like to eat too!” Guk says holding up the take away bag, trying to ease the tension in the room.

Taehyung gives him a small smile before pulling you over to the dining room table. 

Sitting down, you put the food out onto the table before kissing your boyfriend's cheek. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” You tell him as he intertwines your fingers and kisses the back of your hand. 

He nods before looking at you. It would take time to get back to normal again, but there was no place he’d rather be than to be here with you. 

“That’s the price of love though, isn’t it?” Jimin asks as he opens up his rice.

The both of you look at him as he begins to smile.

“The price of love?” Your boyfriend asks as he wraps his arm around your waist.

Chim nods with a hum, “You need to lose someone to remind you how much you missed them. That’s the price of love.” 

Tae thinks on it for a second before rubbing your belly. 

“I guess you’re right, just don’t make me pay the price again.” He tells you sternly, earning a smile from you as you cuddle into his side. 

He smirks gently before kissing your forehead. 

“I’ve paid my price time and time again.” He mumbles before grabbing his breakfast.

[honeypiehotchner]

winter love (all i want for Christmas is you) -- Hotch x Fem!Reader

Hi hi hi!! I have literally been writing this on and off since September, and now I finally get to share it!! A few quick things: this fic has very much Hallmark vibes but does have a good dose of angst too; for the sake of this fic, Aaron was born and raised in Virginia; and Jack was never born (sorry buddy!).

I listened to Michael Bublé’s songs “All I Want for Christmas Is You” and “Cold December Night” a lot while writing this, so feel free to play those while you read! xx.

(The gif is from google because once again, my gif search is broken on here because apparently this post is too long?? Rip me)

Summary: You’ve returned back to your hometown after leaving to get your education, but you didn’t expect to run into your childhood best friend (and first love). 

Word count: 9.4k

HOTCH MASTERLIST || MAIN MASTERLIST

If you told yourself a few months ago that you’d be moving back to Virginia, you would’ve scoffed and probably laughed -- loudly. Your mom, on the other hand, would’ve been elated, and swore she knew it.

Like she’s doing now.

“I’m just so excited to have you home again,” she gushes, helping you carry boxes of your clothes up to your old childhood room.

The room needs some work, like taking down all these embarrassing posters and changing the sheets to something not so cringe-worthy (thankfully, it’s a full-size bed instead of the old twin you grew up sleeping on). But it’ll be fine for the time being. It’s not like you’re going to find an apartment right before Christmas, or that you even want to. It’s been a while since you’ve spent a full Christmas season with your mom.

You’ve been studying out of state for the past six years, working to get your masters and doctorate degrees — which you’ve completed. But now you need a job and a new start, which is why you decided to come home.

You’ve missed Virginia a lot more than you’ll admit. It’s hard not to miss your hometown when you’re gone from it for so long.

“We need a Christmas tree,” you say, as you come back down the stairs. “Christmas is next week, how do you not have a tree up yet?”

“I wasn’t going to get one without you,” your mom says like the fact should’ve been obvious to you.

You laugh as you plop down next to her on the couch. “I know. We should go tomorrow.”

“Whenever you want to,” she smiles, squeezing your arm. “Have you been to your coffee shop yet?”

“My coffee shop?” You raise an eyebrow. “Since when has it been mine?”

“Since you practically lived there during high school,” your mom counters.

She has a point. “Well, no, I haven’t. I just got here.”

“You should go.”

You raise both eyebrows this time, turning your entire body to face her. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you trying to get me to go back there?”

“Why don’t you want to?”

You give her a look. “You know why.”

“I don’t.”

She does. She knows exactly what happened there.

“I’m not repeating it,” you mutter. “And I’ll be finding a new coffee shop, thank you very much.”

“Oh, you can’t let one bad experience stop you from going there!”

“So you do remember!”

“How could I forget? When you were a wreck for months after. I still never forgave him for that, you know.”

You shake your head, settling back against the couch pillows. “It’s been long enough now that I think forgiveness won’t hurt anyone.”

You say that, and yet you don’t want to step foot in that shop ever again.

+++

It was the summer before your junior year. Aaron was a rising senior, so there was the weight of it being his last year already hanging in the air. Especially when he was already looking at a pre-law track for college — meaning he’d be insanely busy after graduation with not much time for you.

Unfortunately, you didn’t realize that his being too busy for you would start before then.

You were a year younger — technically almost two, but the way your birthday fell, you were only one grade younger — but that didn’t stop Aaron from being your friend. At first you thought he had ill intentions (as most older boys in high school did), but he didn’t. He genuinely enjoyed your company, and you genuinely enjoyed his.

More than genuinely. You say now that you don’t believe in love at first sight, but you know that’s because it already happened for you, and you believe it to be a one-time deal.

That one time was when Aaron sat across from you at the lunch table.

You were alone and reading a book. You were a freshman then, and being an extra year younger didn’t exactly help in the whole making friends department. Especially when a lot of your peers were already aware of your age.

But Aaron wasn’t aware, nor did he even care.

He saw that you were alone, and reading, and he decided to sit with you. He wanted to read too, anyway, but he knew he didn’t always like being alone when he read. Something told him you were the same way.

He was correct.

It took almost the entire fall semester before either of you said one word to each other. Sometimes you’d be too engrossed in the book you were reading to even notice he’d sat down in front of you. And when you would finally notice, he would be the one with his nose too deep in the book to notice.

But eventually, you started sharing book recommendations.

Which eventually turned into helping each other with homework. You were always better at math and Spanish than he was (you were already in the sophomore levels of these classes as a freshman), but he was always good with history and English. He must’ve noticed you were in freshman English and history, but he never commented on it — at least not in a way that said he was bullying you.

That winter break was when you started going to the coffee shop together. It was within walking distance of the high school, so the two of you would go at the end of the day until your parents could pick you up. Sometimes your mom would drive him home, or vice versa.

And when Aaron got his license, he’d drive you both there and drop you off at home.

The two of you were inseparable. Almost literally.

Until Aaron met Haley.

Haley was in theatre. She was everything you weren’t. Aaron’s age, pretty, funny, outgoing, and worst of all: popular.

You watched your best friend fall in love.

And that wouldn’t have hurt as bad as it did if it wasn’t Haley he was falling for.

You kept your feelings for Aaron quiet, even to your mom — though you found out later that she always knew. You had almost thought he felt the same, or that he might be beginning to, and then suddenly he was talking about some girl named Haley.

Only she wasn’t just “some girl” to him, or even to you. Everyone knew Haley Brooks.

Slowly, your lunch table conversations were less about what the two of you were going to do the coming weekend, and more about Haley. How he was going to get her to notice him (join theatre, even though he never liked theatre before her). How he was going to ask her on a date (it wouldn’t be a date at first, just dinner after theatre rehearsal, that ended up being with the entire cast, but he sat next to her). How he was going to win her over (he brought flowers to the first performance and surprised her backstage). How he was going to ask her to be his girlfriend (that was the same night as the flowers, completely unplanned, but she said yes).

How he thought he might want to marry her one day.

The last hurt most of all. He confessed it to you one night out of the blue as he was driving you home after school. You knew you could handle him being in love with someone else. Some sick part of you knew — or hoped, rather — that the relationship wouldn’t last. What high school relationship lasts longer than a few months, anyway?

But when Aaron fell for Haley, he fell completely. And hard.

He started cancelling plans with you to spend time with Haley — before they were even dating. When they were dating, he stopped making plans with you altogether.

Then came the summer before his senior year.

It had been months since you saw him last. You had a new lunch period the second half of the year because one of your favorite teachers asked for help during the period, which meant you didn’t have lunch with Aaron — but you don’t even think he noticed.

June came and went. The two of you barely saw one another, barely talked when you did. But when you did, you clung to those moments like they were your only lifeline. In a way, they were.

July finally came and he actually made plans to see you. He said he wanted to get coffee again, catch up, hang out for a few hours, sit in silence, even, whatever you wanted. You were excited.

Some part of you thought that he had broken up with Haley — wishful thinking, but you were sixteen and in love, what else were you supposed to think?

But he hadn’t broken up with her. They were very much in love. You know. You witnessed it.

Apparently, Haley didn’t like the idea of Aaron getting coffee and lunch alone with a female friend. So, she took it upon herself to tag along.

You saw them sharing a kiss through the window, Aaron’s back facing you. When they pulled away, Haley’s eyes caught yours, but she said nothing to Aaron, just pulled him back in for another kiss.

You didn’t go into the shop that day. And you haven’t since.

The last time you saw Aaron was the day before he moved to college. He was stopping by to say goodbye to you.

You were reading a book in your room, and your eyes caught the movement on the driveway. You told your mom to say you weren’t home.

You watched him leave from your bedroom window, hands stuffed in his pockets.

+++

You heard that Aaron and Haley got married. Not because you wanted to hear, but because your mom told you. She probably meant well, but you drank an entire bottle of wine that night. You weren’t even 21 yet at the time.

Of course, it’s been years since then. You’re all fine now, and you’ve got the student loan debt to prove it.

But even with three degrees, job hunting can be a bitch. Especially this time of year.

You need coffee.

You blame the fact that this coffee shop is the best one around. And the fact that it’s Christmas season, meaning they have your favorite drink again.  

Dark chocolate peppermint mocha. It’s a godsend. And you haven’t had one in years.

Well, you have. But they haven’t been from here. They haven’t had this shop’s specially made peppermint whipped cream, or the peppermint stick that can be used to stir.

You hate how much you have to psych yourself up before you walk inside. You don’t even know where Aaron is these days or what he’s doing. He could be halfway across the country for all you know.

So, with that fact in mind, you walk inside. You embrace the familiar sight and smells, remembering what it felt like the last time you were here.

You move toward the counter, falling in the short line to the register. And your stomach flips when you see a familiar face standing in front of you.

Well, his back is facing you, so you don’t see his face, but you know it’s him. There’s this thing about first loves. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since the last time you’ve seen them. You’ll always recognize everything about them. The back of their head, their shoulders, their hands, the way they walk.

Their voice. Even if it’s deeper than the last time you heard it.

Maybe he won’t recognize me.

But what you don’t know is that no amount of time could pass to make you unrecognizable to Aaron.

Or that he saw your reflection in the glass case next to him when you got in line, and he’s been internally trying to figure out what the hell to say to you since.

If it hadn’t been for his voice, you wouldn’t have recognized Aaron at all. A black coffee? That’s it?

The barista pours it and slides it over to him before he’s even done paying. He’s at a coffee shop -- this coffee shop, and he orders a black coffee?

Who is he?

You step up to the register as he steps away, and you swear you see him looking at you through the corner of your eyes. But you must be seeing things because why would he do that?

You focus on ordering -- a medium peppermint mocha, complete with the whipped cream and peppermint stick. After paying, you step to the side to wait for your coffee.

You nearly knock right into Aaron, but you stop yourself, well aware of his presence.

Another thing about first loves: you’re always painfully aware of their presence.

“Hi,” he says, awkward and fumbling even though it’s only one word. He’s wearing a stuffy suit and tie, which seems odd, but you’re positive that’s just normal lawyer attire. He probably lives in a suit these days. His hair is shorter than it used to be and he looks older, but so do you. Despite all of this, he’s still Aaron. He’s still the same Aaron Hotchner you fell in love with at sixteen.

“Hi,” you return the awkward smile, tugging on the strap of your purse. After a beat, you nod toward his drink. “Black coffee, huh?” You try to tease. “Who hurt you?”

He laughs loudly then, shoulders and head shaking. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too, Hotchner,” you murmur, wrapping your arms around yourself.

The conversation dies for a moment, so you busy yourself by looking at the different cakes and pastries in the glass case. You probably should’ve gotten one, but maybe another time.

Another time. Fifteen minutes ago you wouldn’t be caught dead in this shop and now you’re already thinking about another time.

“Are you busy?” Aaron suddenly asks, prompting you to look at him with furrowed brows. “Do you mind if I join you?”

“Not at all,” you smile gently, knowing you might regret this later. But it’s been over a decade since you’ve seen him last. One coffee won’t hurt.

And I’m over him, you remind yourself, no matter how untrue it might be.

Once you have your peppermint mocha -- finally, you think, it’s been too long -- you walk with Aaron to find a table. A lot has changed about this shop, but one thing that hasn’t (because there isn’t much that can be changed) is the seating.

Aaron leads you to your old table. The table the two of you practically lived at.

It makes your heart warm and ache all at once. The drink you decided to order isn’t helping matters either.

“So…” You pause, shifting in your seat. “What are you up to these days?”

“You stole my question,” he jokes.

“Tough,” you smile into your drink. “I asked it first.”

He chuckles, but answers anyway. “I’m working for the BAU now.”

“The B-A-What?”

“The-- FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

Your eyes widen. “Did you… Did you really just say you’re working for the FBI?”

“I think so,” he says. “I’m the unit chief.”

“You’re the-- Okay. So, you don’t work for the...the BAU, they work for you.”

“We’re a team,” he offers.

“Said every boss ever,” you quip, taking a long drink of your mocha. You take the peppermint stick in between your fingers and stir, eyebrows furrowing down at the swirl of coffee and whipped cream. “So...what do you do exactly?”

He opens his mouth to answer, then stops, hesitating. “Do you really want to know?”

You give him a look. “Of course I do.”

“It’s not great.”

“Aaron, just tell me, or I’ll start reciting my dissertation word for word.” Your statement stuns him to silence, so badly that you almost laugh. “That’s boring. Working for the FBI can’t possibly be boring.”

“Oh, it’s never boring, that’s for sure,” he mutters. “We profile serial killers.”

“You what?”

He laughs. “We look at their behaviors and crimes and build a profile, what they might look like, their age, that stuff.”

“Intriguing.”

“I can’t believe you’re interested.”

“I can’t believe you thought I wouldn’t be,” you counter. “You know I thrive off this stuff.”

“I remember,” he says quietly.

And just like that, you remember, too.

It’s so easy to forget about all the hurt he caused, all the pain he left behind. Especially because you know he never intended to hurt you. He would never do that, not to you, not on purpose. You never told him how you felt. It’s not his fault he couldn’t read your mind.

“Well, you’ve got a doctorate,” he says, shifting the conversation. “What else are you up to?”

“How did you know it’s a doctorate?” You raise an eyebrow. “Are you profiling me? Did I use that correctly?”

“Yes,” he smiles. “And no, not intentionally. You said you’d recite your dissertation. Those are normally written to get doctorate degrees. You always wanted one, I assumed you met your goal.”

“You assume correct,” you nod. “I’m back to start job and apartment hunting, but after the new year. I wanted to spend some time with my mom.”

“How is she doing?”

“She’s good, she--” You pause, shaking your head with a laugh. “She actually brought you up yesterday.”

“Me?” Aaron looks genuinely shocked.

“Yeah, you,” you knock your foot against his leg without thinking, but you pay no mind, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to it. “She’s actually the one who put the bug in my ear to come here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I haven’t been back here since…”

It takes him a moment, but he nods slowly. “Right.”

“Yeah,” you draw your legs closer to you on instinct. “But that was a long time ago. How are you and Haley?”

You don’t expect the way his face falls. You glance down at his left hand. No ring.

“We got a divorce a few years ago, split up about a good year before that,” Aaron explains. “She’s good, last I heard. Remarried already.”

“Wow,” you murmur, not knowing what else to say. “What-- I mean, what happened?” When he hesitates, you backpedal. “Sorry, I shouldn’t even ask, it’s probably a sensitive question.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron chuckles. “I don’t mind talking about it with you.”

That sends a dangerous flutter through your stomach. “Okay. Well I’m all ears.”

“Oh, it’s not a long story, it was just my job,” he shrugs. “I took the unit chief position and she was happy at first. But then, there was a period of time where we had what felt like case after case after case.” He shakes his head. “I was barely home, but I was barely in one state for long, anyway. It was a stressful time. We were everywhere at once.”

“That does sound stressful,” you frown. “Has it slowed down now?”

“Kind of, it has its moments,” he admits. “But being gone so much, it took a toll on her. She wanted to start a family, but said she couldn’t do that if I was never there.”

“But I mean she had to have known how your schedule would be with the new job, right?”

“Yeah,” he says, then shrugs. “It’s been so long now that I stopped trying to understand her thought process.”

“I get that,” you say sincerely. You understand not wanting to waste energy on something like that anymore. Sometimes you just have to give it up and have peace with the fact that you’ll never understand.

“What about you?” He asks suddenly, catching you off guard. “Seeing anyone?” He adds it quietly, like he’s shy.

Aaron Hotchner. Shy. Around you.

“Oh,” you nearly laugh at the prospect. “No. No, I’m not. Do you really think I would be if I was moving back in with my mom?”

He laughs, bringing his coffee to his lips. “You have a point there.”

A comforting silence settles over the two of you after that.

You shouldn’t feel slightly giddy that his and Haley’s relationship didn’t work out in the end. You’re over him by now, anyway. But something about being right has you fighting a smile. You smother the urge, though, knowing he probably doesn’t want to hear anyone, let alone you, say, “I told you so.”

You do feel bad for him, genuinely. Divorce is never easy for anyone, and you hate he went through that. Especially like that. Haley knew his work schedule would change. Why would she act supportive if she knew this in advance? Just sits uneasy with you, that’s all.

Of course, you feel that overprotective-best-friend nature coming back to you.

“What plans do you have now that you’re back?” He asks, keeping the conversation up, but you can tell he’s earnest — which makes you smile.

“Nothing, really. My mom and I are getting a Christmas tree later, but that’s all I have on my schedule.” You pause, giving him another look. “We both know you were my only friend in high school. Who do you think I’m going to see while I’m here?”

“Hopefully a lot of me,” he replies easily, smiling around his coffee.

And for once, you don’t hesitate to reply. “I hope so, too, actually. I didn’t think you were still around here. And I really didn’t expect you to be working for the FBI.”

“This might be presumptuous of me, but what are you doing this weekend?” He asks, quickly adding on, “A good friend of mine is hosting a Christmas party for the team, and I’ve basically been threatened to bring a plus one.”

“Threatened, huh?” You raise an eyebrow.

He nods seriously. “They won’t let me inside without one.”

You gasp comically, keeping up the act. “Well you can’t miss the party!”

“I know,” he sighs, propping his head in his hand.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to come with,” you say, still deadly serious.

But Aaron’s lips split into a grin the same time yours does. “It’s this Saturday.”

“Lucky for you, I’m free.”

He doesn’t stop grinning. “I can pick you up, if you want.”

“Yeah, I’d love that,” you say. “I should probably give you my number, shouldn’t I?”

“I was going to ask,” he admits.

You roll your eyes playfully. “I figured.”

After exchanging numbers, the two of you return to your idle conversations. Only, they’re less idle than they ever have been before.

He vents about still not understanding how people can be capable of the things he sees. How he knows that everyone is capable of unspeakable things, but it’s how they do it that still makes him stumble sometimes. And you try to sympathize, though you know you can’t. But still you tell him not to try to understand.

“You’re a good man,” you say. “You’re not going to understand it because you’re not like them.”

“Thank you,” he whispers. “I know that, consciously. Sometimes it’s good to hear it from someone else.”

Then he tells you it’s your turn, and again, you don’t feel the need to hesitate.

You tell him how you weren’t planning on moving back here at all. But the job market where you were didn’t...fit you, for some reason. You never felt like you belonged, and so maybe that’s why you wanted to come back here.

Because even though you left this place heartbroken, you still felt like you belonged when you were here. You felt like you belonged when you were with him, but you don’t tell him that.

Something tells you he heard it anyway, though. Being a profiler and all. Which you still don’t quite understand, but you’re sure he’ll have plenty of time to tell you in the coming future.

+++

After an hour or two, you decide it’s time for you to head back home. Partly because you need to make some lunch for yourself, and partly because you’ve watched Aaron dismiss at least three phone calls in the last twenty minutes.

But he didn’t say a word each time, so you know he won’t tell you who it is or if he needs to go. It makes your heart warm at the thought that he wants to spend more time with you, but if it’s his job, then he needs to go.

He walks you to your car and you hug him around his neck, unashamedly taking a deep breath of his cologne when you stretch up to wrap your arms around him. He didn’t wear cologne back in high school. But this one smells good.

You mentally prepare yourself on the way home for the amount of questions your mom is no doubt going to ask.

You’re supposed to be going to pick out a tree with her today, which means you were supposed to be home a little earlier than this, which means your mom probably already knows what happened and you won’t even get a chance to explain yourself.

In the end, your prediction was correct.

“How was your peppermint mocha?” You glance over to the couch and find your mom sitting there, idly reading a book.

The question is as directly indirect as they come. You raise an eyebrow and kick the front door closed (yes, she asked before you even stepped foot inside the house). “It was good,” you reply, shrugging your jacket off your shoulders. “Why?”

“Oh, you enjoyed it for almost two hours, so I was just wondering.” Your mom fights back a grin, but she’s not doing a very good job.

You sigh. “Just go ahead and ask.”

She closes her book. “Alright, fine, I will. How is Aaron?”

There it is.

“He’s good,” you answer rather pointedly, making your way into the living room. “He’s working for the FBI now.”

“Oh, I knew that already.”

You plop down next to her on the couch. “Seriously?”

“Of course!” She cries, like it should be obvious. “Small talk happens when you see someone in the store.”

“Right,” you scoff. “Anyway, thanks for not telling me him and Haley divorced.”

She grimaces.

“Yeah, exactly,” you nod at her expression. “That’s how I felt. I bet it was just awesome of me to ask about how him and his ex-wife are doing.”

“I’m sorry,” your mom says. “It completely slipped my mind. It’s been so long since those two split.”

“Why didn’t you tell me when it happened?”

“Because I didn’t want to bring him up,” she answers sincerely. “You seemed like you had really moved on. I figured it didn’t matter, and I didn’t want to make you start thinking about him again when you had finally gotten over it all.”

“Oh,” you murmur. “Well, thank you, then, but...still. I feel like an idiot.”

“Did he seem angry when you asked?”

“No, the opposite,” you sigh. “He explained what happened and I let him talk about it for a second, but he seems mostly moved on from it.”

“I don’t know how he can be,” your mom scoffs. “She’s already remarried, you know.”

“Yeah, he told me.”

Your mom shakes her head. “I should’ve shook some sense into that boy when he came to say goodbye that day.” Then she pauses, poking your leg. “And I should’ve made you say goodbye to him. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

“I didn’t wanna talk to him,” you shrug. “We barely had all year, anyway. And one goodbye would not have stopped him from going to college and marrying Haley, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know.” She sighs. “It’s fun to think about, though.”

“Well stop thinking about it,” you mutter. “We are friends and he’s probably seeing someone by now. I don’t even know how long I’ll be here, so.”

Your mom raises her eyebrows. “I never said anything about what you guys are now.”

Damn. Caught. “I know, but I’m just...catching you before you do.”

“Mmm, more like catching yourself.”

“Shut up.”

She lightly hits you with a pillow. “Don’t say that to your mother,” she jokes. “Especially not when I’m right and you know it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Are you ready to pick out a tree?”

“Of course,” she replies. “Just let me find my shoes.”

While she’s getting ready -- because “finding her shoes” really means fixing her hair and makeup and changing outfits a couple times -- you get a text from Aaron.

Aaron: It was nice catching up with you today

You smile and type your reply. Ditto. We should do it again sometime.

He doesn’t reply, but you figure he’s busy at work, anyway. And you’ve got a tree to pick out and decorate, so you’re technically busy, too.

You try not to think too much about it.

+++

And truthfully, you don’t think much about it, until Aaron finally replies. It’s hours later when you’re decorating the freshly-cut Christmas tree in the living room, with Michael Bublé’s Christmas album playing through the stereo speakers. It’s just like when you were younger.

You check your phone and see that it’s Aaron texting you back, but you pocket it before reading the message. You’re busy.

Your mom notices the change on your face. “Everything alright?” She asks as she places a snowflake ornament on one of the smaller branches.

You nod without thinking, hating yourself for even feeling what you’re feeling right now. A glittery red ornament hangs from your index finger as you try to find the right branch to hang it on -- and while your mind wanders all over the place.

“Clearly not,” your mom replies. “But alright.” She turns and reaches into a different box, picking up one of the golden jingle bells that she always hides deep within the tree each year. When you were younger, she’d hide them without you seeing, and then on Christmas Eve you’d have to search the tree for them before you could open one present before going to sleep.

You snort a laugh, always loving her way of getting you to open up: sarcasm. “It’s just Aaron.”

“Aaron?”

“Texting me,” you explain, looking down at the glitter coating your fingertips from the ornaments.

“Aren’t you going to reply?” She asks, grabbing another jingle bell.

“Technically he’s the one replying from earlier today.”

“Okay…”

You sigh. Time to cave. “He invited me to a Christmas party this weekend.”

Your mom doesn’t even try to hide her excitement or her wide grin. “Really? That’s great!”

Is it? You want to ask, but you stop yourself. “Yeah,” you shrug. “I guess so. It’ll be nice to hang out with him more.” You pause, finally hanging the small glittery red ornament on the tree that you’ve been idly holding for the past two minutes. “Apparently a friend of his is hosting it and basically told him he wouldn’t be allowed inside without a plus one.” You chuckle quietly, knowing Aaron had to have rolled his eyes when his friend told him that.

“So it’s...a date, then?”

“What? No,” you shake your head. “No, no. Not a date. He didn’t phrase it that way.”

“Sweetheart, plus one implies date.”

“Who says?”

“Everyone!” Your mom laughs. “Bringing a plus one to a wedding is usually a casual date, if not bringing your significant other along.”

“This isn’t a wedding, it’s just a Christmas get together.”

“Same difference.”

“Well, I think you’re doing that thing again where you try to plant seeds in my brain for things that are unnecessary,” you raise an eyebrow at her when she avoids eye contact, so you know you’ve caught her red-handed. “All that aside,” you sigh. “I’m over him. It’s been so long. If something was going to happen, it would have already.”

“Whatever you say,” she shrugs indifferently, grabbing the final jingle bell to hide in the top of the tree. For a brief moment, you wish you hadn’t been watching where she hid them, so you could do the search on Christmas Eve one more time.

+++

You bump into Aaron one more time, two days later, at the same coffee shop.

“Back for more?” He teases as he slides into the seat across from you, another black coffee in his right hand.

You’re sitting at the table the two of you call home with yet another peppermint mocha sitting in front of you and your laptop. More job hunting is the task for today, even though you’re ready to give up and just pick it back up after the New Year. It’s not like your mom is making you pay rent, and you have enough in savings to help with groceries (without her knowledge, of course, because she refuses to let you pay for anything) and buy your own coffees. But, you decided to give it one last go today.

That is, until Aaron slid into the seat in front of you. Now, you close your laptop and place it back in your bag. “Just needed some fuel for more job hunting,” you grin. “What are you doing here?”

“I took off for lunch for once and thought I might find you here.”

“Oh?” You raise your eyebrows. “Were you seeking me out, Hotchner?”

“Maybe a little,” he admits with a shy smile. “Are you still good for tomorrow?”

“As long as you are,” you nod. “What time?”

“I’ll pick you up at five, if that’s good?”

“Perfect,” you smile. “Are you ready to introduce me to your friends?”

“Depends,” he exhales exasperatedly. “Are you ready to meet them?”

“They can’t be that bad.”

“They might be. If you aren’t used to them.” He pauses. “They don’t know you’re coming, by the way.”

“What?” You almost laugh. “Why not?”

“I told them I was bringing someone, but I didn’t feel like hearing it all week about who I was bringing.” He pauses again, like he’s holding something back, and then he lets it out. “They know all about you.”

You blink. “They do?”

“Yeah,” he smiles gently. “I talk about you all the time.”

“No,” you shake your head. “No you don’t. There’s no way.”

“You’ll believe it tomorrow,” he chuckles. “I’m sure they’ll try to embarrass me.”

“I-I mean...what do you even say about me?”

He shrugs. “That you were my best friend in high school and...that I missed you and wondered what you were up to these days, and how we used to hang out here.” He looks around the shop, then back to you and your bewildered expression. “What?” He laughs. “You didn’t talk to your friends about me?”

“No, I did,” you laugh quietly. But I said different things. And most of the time I was crying because I missed you, especially my first year of college when my roommate tried to get me to go on a double date with her boyfriend and his roommate, but I refused and had to confess that I wasn’t over you and that you broke my heart, and I was such a mess that she brought ice cream and chocolate back after their date.

But you don’t say any of that. Obviously.

“I just didn’t expect you to even...think about me, I guess,” you finally spit out, still shaking your head. “I mean...we haven’t talked since high school, I figured you’d forgotten or moved on, at least. Especially since you had Haley.”

Aaron’s expression softens and turns sad, quickly. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I didn’t know you thought any of that.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” you wave his worry away. “It’s years ago. Water under the bridge.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. Then, he says, “Haley was jealous of you, you know.”

You immediately look up from your mocha, your eyes wide in shock. “She was what?”

“Oh yeah,” Aaron laughs. “Devastatingly jealous of you. She swore we were dating or that I was in love with you or something.”

Or something. “Wow,” you chuckle, trying to mask your hurt as much as possible. “Why did she even think that?”

You know why. You know exactly why. Because before her, you and Aaron were attached at the hip. You sat together during lunch, walked each other home, hung out at the coffee shop, went to school functions together (well, you’d actually go with a big group, but you two always ended up together anyway), and so on and so forth. Anyone would’ve been an idiot to not assume you two were dating.

“We were so close,” he shrugs. “She said she was so surprised when I asked her to be my girlfriend because she swore I was dating you. She actually asked me that, when I gave her the flowers. She said, “What about Y/N?” And I said, “Y/N? She’s just my best friend.” And she didn’t believe me.”

“That’s so crazy,” you say, but you’re really thinking back to that day you and Aaron had decided to meet up here and hang out after so long. When Haley crashed the hangout. When she locked eyes with you and smirked before pulling him back in for another kiss.

She was jealous. She was jealous and she knew exactly what she was doing that day.

Aaron’s phone starts ringing and he sighs heavily, pulling it out. He almost declines it, but then stops himself. “It’s the boss,” he says. “My boss. I’ve gotta take this. I’ll text you later?”

“Sure,” you smile, knowing he might forget or get too busy to think about it. But that’s okay. “Good luck with the phone call.”

“Thanks,” he chuckles. “I’ll need it.” And then he brings his phone up to his ear. “Agent Hotchner,” he says, and you hate that you find it so hot.

+++

You almost cancel with Aaron a dozen times before 2p.m.

You blame the conversation the two of you had yesterday. For some reason, the thought of Haley being jealous of you had never crossed your mind. Because to you, it was so obviously the other way around. Of course, you weren’t vocal about your jealousy, but you were certain she knew. Not that it was the other way around.

Old feelings have already resurfaced, which is bad enough, but the talk about Haley and about how Aaron’s friends know all about you made things worse. Especially the latter.

Why would he talk about you so much if the two of you hadn’t spoken in years? Not even years, but like an entire decade. Why would he still talk about you and think about you that much?

You have dwelled over those questions since he left the coffee shop yesterday.

But now, you have no idea what to wear, and Aaron will be here any minute. You’re assuming the attire is casual, not fancy, since it’s just a get together with his friends -- who all happen to be his team of agents. FBI agents. Because he’s just casually the Unit Chief of the BAU.

It still baffles you. He wanted to be a lawyer. Not in the FBI. God.

He’s still your Aaron. That’s what shocks you the most. He’s experienced law school, marriage, practicing law, working for the FBI, becoming a Unit Chief, divorce, and yet he’s still the Aaron Hotchner you were best friends with in high school.

You wonder if you’re still the girl he was best friends with in high school. Or if you’ve changed so drastically that he doesn’t see you that way anymore.

You take a deep breath, going back to digging through the many boxes of clothes that you have yet to unpack. You need a sweater or something. That’s safe enough, right? It’s too cold for a dress, and frankly, you’re not in the mood for wearing one, anyway.

Finally, you find the sweater you were looking for. You tug it over your head, figuring your jeans are fine enough. You’ll wear some low heels to make it look like you put in a little more effort.

Your quick thinking is to your benefit because the doorbell rings almost as soon as you’re done doing the clasp on your second heel.

But because your mom is quicker than you, she’s already opened the door and let Aaron in before you can make it downstairs. And by the time you are coming down the stairs, Aaron is sitting on the couch with your mom, making idle conversation.

“Hey,” you smile at him, resisting the urge to glare at your mom. “Ready?”

“If you are,” he nods, standing to his feet.

When he turns, you shoot your mom a look. “We’ll be back later.”

“You’re not in high school,” your mom laughs. “You two have fun for as long as you like.”

“I know,” you say. “But I also know you’ll wait up until I get back.”

“And you can’t stop me,” she replies pointedly.

Aaron laughs at the two of you, your banter just as he remembers from all those years ago. Neither of you have changed one bit.

After a final moment of bickering, you bid your mom goodbye and leave with Aaron.

In the car, you ask, “Have you told them about me coming yet?”

From the driver’s seat, he shakes his head. “No, so prepare yourself for a lot of questions.”

“I think you’re the one that’ll be in hot water, but alright,” you chuckle. “I can hear them now. ‘Why didn’t you tell us you were bringing her!’”

He laughs loudly. “That’s not a bad impression, actually.”

“Why, thank you,” you smirk. “It’s a hidden talent of mine.”

“Oh, really?”

“Mhm.”

The two of you share a grin as he keeps driving.

+++

After some time -- long enough that you were beginning to wonder where he’s taking you -- Aaron finally turns into a subdivision. But it’s still not what you were expecting.

You assumed FBI agents must make good money, but not this good. This is a mansion. It’s massive. There has to be at least six bedrooms in there, maybe more.

“Is your friend a millionaire or something?”

Aaron chuckles, “Maybe. Probably. Maybe more.”

“More?” Your eyes widen. “Wow.” And then Aaron pulls into the driveway. “Wow.”

He puts the car in park and says, “Try not to look too surprised. Dave won’t shut up about the house if you get him started.”

“What if I want to hear everything?” You ask, scrambling out of the car to look up at the house. “Jesus Christ.” Then you whip your head around to look at Aaron exasperatedly. “Does your house look like this?”

“No, no,” he shakes his head. “No. This is too big. Dave’s crazy for buying it.”

“He’s definitely insane,” you nod. “I mean, what do you even need a house this big for?”

Aaron shrugs. “Christmas parties, I guess.” He pauses, holding out his arm for you. “Ready to face the lions?”

You roll your eyes through a laugh, loosely holding onto his arm. “Quit being so dramatic. I bet it’ll be just fine.”

“Let’s hope so,” Aaron replies. Because truthfully, he is a little worried that they might scare you off. They have a habit of doing that.

The two of you walk up to the front door, and you try your best to act like you’ve been in the general vicinity of a house this big before. Dave must be a really good friend of Aaron’s, because instead of knocking or ringing the doorbell, Aaron twists the doorknob and walks right in with you on his arm.

“Dave’s making pasta,” Aaron whispers, smelling the air. He shuts the door gently, wanting to surprise the team as much as possible.

You sniff the air, too, smiling happily. “Smells really good. Is that carbonara?”

“Good nose,” a voice says from the kitchen.

“That’s Dave,” Aaron chuckles, walking you down the hall toward the smell.

The team’s eyes all widen dramatically and comically when Aaron Hotchner steps inside the kitchen with a woman on his arm.

“Well, hello,” one of them says, sliding off the stool at the counter to saunter over to you. He’s all suave and swagger.

“Derek Morgan, this is Y/N,” Aaron introduces you quickly, knowing the reaction your name will get.

“Hold up,” Derek pauses, glancing between you and Aaron. “Y/N? As in the Y/N?”

“I don’t know about being the Y/N, but that is my name,” you laugh. “Nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Derek says, a hand over his heart to add to the sincerity. “Where have you been hiding all this time?”

“Getting a doctorate,” you shrug, only now realizing that your hand is still holding onto Aaron’s arm, but he doesn’t seem fazed by it either, so you don’t move.

“Oh, alright,” Derek chuckles. “Hey Reid, we’ve got another doctor here.”

The man in question, Reid, looks up from the book he was reading with furrowed eyebrows. “Hi.” He waves.

“Hey,” you wave back. “What’re you reading?”

“War and Peace. In Russian, though.”

“In-- Wow, okay.”

“He’s a genius,” Morgan explains.

“I see that,” you chuckle.

Aaron finishes the introductions for you. “That’s JJ, handles the press for us because none of us want to do it.”

“He’s not wrong,” JJ replies with a laugh. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“You too,” you smile.

“You met Reid, his first name’s Spencer,” Aaron supplies, and Reid is too far gone in the book again to notice. “This is Emily Prentiss.”

“And I have been dying to meet you,” Emily says. “You are exactly how he described.”

“In a good way, I hope?” You laugh nervously.

She nods. “Definitely.”

Aaron points to the other woman at the counter. She’s dressed in all sorts of crazy colors with glasses that match her outfit. And before he can introduce her, she says, “I’m Penelope Garcia, technology extraordinaire. I keep them out of trouble.”

“And we love you for it,” Derek adds.

“And this is Dave,” Aaron finishes.

“It is very nice to finally meet you,” Dave says, and actually shakes your hand. “Do you know how to make carbonara?”

“Yes, actually,” you say, earning a surprised look from Aaron. “I went through a phase when I was younger, wanting to make anything and everything that sounded good, so I’ve made this a few times. My mom loves it.”

Dave loves the sound of that. “Would you like to help me?”

You practically light up inside and out. “Seriously? I’d love to!”

“Oh, here we go,” Derek groans. “He’s roped her in.”

You ignore him, slipping away from Aaron to grab the other apron off the hook by the entrance to the kitchen. You slide your head through the loop and tie it at the back in a matter of seconds, too excited to contain it.

“I almost went to culinary school, you know,” you say to no one in particular, but Aaron is listening, and so is Dave.

“Why didn’t you?” Aaron asks.

You shrug. “Didn’t seem practical.” Which isn’t the real answer at all. The real answer is you got your heart broken and needed to do a complete 180 in life, so you did. Culinary school was out. Getting a doctorate was in. You turn on the water in the sink and begin washing your hands. “What do you need me to do?”

For the next hour, you help Dave make the carbonara, occasionally answering any questions Aaron’s friends have for you.

Aaron pours you a glass of wine and sits at the counter, watching you cook. You look more at peace than he’s seen you since a few days ago when he first bumped into you again.

You catch him looking at you more than a handful of times. It feels good. Spending the evening with his friends, his team, with him. You’ve missed spending time with him more than anything else.

Dave serves up the carbonara, telling you to sit down since you helped so much already. You don’t make him ask twice.

+++

After dinner, everyone moves into the living room, scattering on the various couches and chairs. Reid has finished reading War and Peace, so the book sits discarded on one of the coffee tables.

You take the spot on the couch next to Aaron, careful not to spill your wine. Penelope sits on the other side of you, with Derek on her other side, which all but forces you to move closer to Aaron, and something about the look on Penelope’s face tells you it was done on purpose.

You’re not exactly complaining, though. With a full stomach and a fresh glass of wine, Aaron’s presence is even warmer than before. You pay no mind when he shifts his left arm, stretching it over the back of the couch and allowing you to scoot closer, your legs pressed against each other’s.

The conversation continues, and somehow the subject of relationships is brought up.

“Yeah, why was I the only one asked to bring someone?” Aaron asks. “I’d like to see all of you find a last minute date.”

Another warm rush goes through your body at the word date. This is a date. Alright then.

“I think you did just fine,” Dave says, nodding to you. “Don’t you?”

You shrug, not sure of what to make of it. “I’m having fun, so I guess so.”

“See?” Dave gives Aaron a look. “You did fine.”

Aaron gives his friend a tired glare. “Only because she happened to be back from getting her degrees. Otherwise, I would’ve been stuck.”

“Nah, man, you could’ve called Beth.”

You feel Aaron tense next to you, but you aren’t sure if he tensed up or if you did. Maybe both. Probably both. You weren’t aware there was someone else.

“Who’s Beth?” You ask as casually as possible, ignoring the heated glares Penelope, JJ, and Emily alike are sending Derek. Seriously, Derek would be dead three times over right now if looks could be deadly.

Aaron shrugs before answering you. “Her and I dated briefly last year.”

You nod slowly, trying not to seem hurt or upset or anything by this because it’s ridiculous of you to be fighting back tears, but you can’t help it.

It’s high school, goddamnit, it’s fucking high school all over again.

The topic of conversation shifts thanks to Reid being the endless supplier of random facts. One question about Russian from Emily and he’s taking over, washing the awkwardness away in two languages.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work as well for you as it does for everyone else.

You set your wine glass down on the table and tell Penelope you’re going to use the bathroom. You have no clue where it is, but she doesn’t know that.

Aaron does. And Aaron hears the tone of voice you use.

He waits until you’re down the hall before he stands to follow you, foregoing any explanation to his friends. They already know what he’s doing.

Aaron’s suspicions are correct when he hears the front door close and sees your coat no longer hanging next to his on the hook by the door. He grabs his and only gets one arm through a sleeve before he’s opening the door, eyes searching the premises for you.

Thankfully, he finds you after two seconds, and his racing heart slows a little. You’re standing by the reindeer lights on Dave’s front lawn. Your coat is only hanging on your shoulders, something you’ve always done since high school when you were upset.

“It feels more like a blanket,” you had told him one day. “Blankets are more comforting than jackets.”

He doesn’t see the difference, but you do, and that was enough for him.

He has both arms through the sleeves by the time he’s next to you. He gently touches your arm to get your attention, adding a soft, “Hey,” for good measure.

You turn your head at the sound, having already known he was coming because you heard the front door open. In the back of your mind, you had wanted him to follow you out here, but now that he’s done it, you aren’t so sure this is what you wanted.

You wanted to ignore the feeling. Get it to disappear on its own. Survive the night, then never talk to him again. You were heartbroken, but it was better when you weren’t speaking to him. At least, that’s what you tell yourself.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron says softly. “Beth and I haven’t spoken since our last date a year ago. It was only three dates. We weren’t serious at all.” He pauses. “I have no idea why Derek said that. He doesn’t think before he speaks sometimes.”

You nod, not having it in you to laugh at Aaron’s small jab, even though he is entirely correct. Derek is a quick thinker with a sharp wit, but you can see how it might backfire sometimes. Like tonight.

You believe Aaron, you really do. But it’s so hard. “Did you love her?”

Aaron is stunned for a moment, but says, “No. I don’t think I did.”

“Okay.” You shake your head, looking down at the grass. “I’m just trying to figure out why Derek would’ve brought her up if...if you guys dated so briefly.”

Aaron sighs. “I don’t know.”

“And is this a date?” You blurt, finally finding the courage to get that one out. “Because if it is, I…I don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?”

You shake your head again, trying to find the right words, but they always seem out of reach. “Just...tell me this won’t be like high school.”

This time Aaron is too stunned to form a real answer. “What?”

“Please,” you sound like you’re about to cry and you feel so pathetic that you wish you had never agreed to come tonight. But you’re here anyway. “I was in love with you then, and I’m still in love with you now, but I can’t do that again. So if this is a just friends thing and always will be, I need you to tell me before I hurt myself all over again.”

Aaron can’t believe his ears. He swears he heard you wrong. He must have. “You were in love with me in high school, too?”

“Yes-- Wait, too? What do you mean too?” Now you’re looking at him, eyes wide in confusion, shock, every emotion possible. “Too?”

“I was in love with you, Y/N,” he chuckles, reaching for your hands. “I thought you just saw me as an older brother. That’s why I never...said anything.”

“What?” You breathe, letting him thread his fingers through yours. “Are you serious? You better not be pulling my leg, Hotchner. Don’t do that to me.” You tug on his hands for emphasis, giving him a stern look.

“I’m not joking,” he says, taking a step closer. “I wouldn’t joke about this.”

“Oh my god,” you say, disbelief a powerful thief of words. “I can’t believe… So you went after Haley because…”

“Because I heard from one of her friends that she had a crush on me,” he admits. “I did love her, but not as much as I loved you. Never as much as I loved you.”

You don’t know what else to do or say. He looks so beautiful in this light that it hurts, and now he’s saying words you never thought you’d ever hear.

“Do you forgive me?” He asks. “For breaking your heart?”

“Only if you forgive me for breaking yours,” you whisper.

He shakes his head. “I broke my own. I should’ve told you how I felt.” He pauses. “I even talked to you about Haley all the time. Is that why you didn’t say goodbye to me?”

You nod. “It sounds so stupid now, but I was so hurt.”

“I’m an idiot,” he laughs. “I’m the dumbest fool to ever walk the Earth.”

“We both are,” you correct him, taking a step closer. It’s cold out here, but he’s warm. He’s always been so warm. Like home.

And you-- you’ve always been who Aaron thinks of when he thinks about being happy. It’s always been you. A moment like this, and a thousand others. He wants them all. And to think, you do too.

His lips meet yours in a long-awaited kiss, cold noses bumping against one another, his warm hands holding your face, your chilled fingers finding their home on his neck, stealing his warmth.

From the window, the team watches, and Emily exchanges money with Derek.