#because “fantasies are to be let be except for the ones I say aren't” is just “fantasies aren't to be let be” with a surface embellishment

[tumblehcendrum]

This goes hand in hand with recognizing, as even OP doesn't, that "pedophiles" and "child abusers" are two wildly different groups. Half of the child abusers are not pedophiles and most pedophiles aren't child abusers. I've seen as high as 90%, maybe I'll look for where later, but the point is: how can we expect to craft effective policies against perpetrators of child abuse when we can't even accurately identify the group in question? And most importantly, why is this separation so passionately fought against? Is it just because if the meaning of pedophile isn't 'child abuser' but 'person with weird fantasies' it's a lot harder to paint yourself as the good guy for persecuting them? I'd like to hope not, but see few other explanations.

the tough (for some) truth is that "instituting policies that will actually protect children from sexual exploitation" and "instituting policies out of a performative hatred of the social boogeyman called 'the pedophile'" are mutually exclusive goals, because the vast majority of pedophiles that exist in the real world overwhelmingly benefit from the latter slate of policies.

[absolutedestinyapocalypsse]

When Harrow is very obviously grieving, (and also when he wants to gaslight her) John tells her to make soup about it, to focus on the little things, to take it day by day. When asked to help with the lobotomy, Ianthe tells Harrow that the worst is over- she's a lyctor now, and she should try and move forward instead of sticking herself permanently in limbo. These are not terrible pieces of advice to give a grieving person; if actually practiced, they might even be helpful. Except for Harrow, they are the absolute worst things you could possibly say.

None of what happened to her should have happened, of course she doesn't want to accept it and progress further into lyctorhood. Everything is terrifying and new to her, of course she won't find peace in "the little things". John is actively trying to fucking KILL HER, of course SOUP isn't going to help! Like obviously the general grief advice isn't gonna work for Harrow because she's in a psychological horror book and is being haunted and is grieving jesus christ herself, but also, does it really work that well ever? Does being told to move on actually ever in any circumstance help the person move on? Or does it just make them feel more broken, more inadequate, more lonely?

Sure, focusing on little things that give you joy and trying not to ruminate on the past are on paper productive ways to cope, but its also the LAST thing a grieving person actually wants to do. Telling someone to simply forget about what they went through and who they lost, to just focus on the boring and isolating minutae of everyday life instead of the world-ending tragedy they've experienced feels impossible. To do it would be like betraying yourself, and the people you lost.

Most of the book is Harrow knowing that certain things would probably make her feel better if she would just try, being told constantly that if she would just do x y or z, things would fall into place and she would be less broken. She doesn't even remember WHY she feels like this, but she does, and it's all-consuming. Lyctorhood is the scale by which her "normality" is measured, and she is failing SPECTACULARLY. She refuses to set aside Gideon's humanity and significance in her life to use her as a battery, and that makes her weak and a failure in the eyes of the other saints.

But by failing to move on, she ends up actually preserving (??? who actually knows man) Gideon's life. For the classic grief advice to not only be unhelpful to her personally also ACTIVELY MALICIOUS/ HARMFUL PLOT WISE is such a great 180 to me. Instead of a "grieving character comes to terms with loved one's death for the Greater Good and moves on because its the Right Thing To Do" narrative, we get a kind of bereavement revenge fantasy. Harrow's complete refusal to move on stops Gideon from actually fully dying. And she does makes soup, not to cope with the constant terror she's living under, but to EXPLODE her tormentor from the inside out. These things probably aren't "good" for Harrow, or for anyone dealing with grief. They do not make life easier for her, and they do not make her a lyctor, but they are honest and they are SO satisfying. Having the power to bring back the person you lost, even at great personal detriment and to explode everyone who hurt you with your mind is i think the perfect power for someone in mourning and i love that htn let Harrow have it. There is no greater good to be served, no larger moral about loss to be told. The objective is not to see Harrow heal from loss, it's to see her by sheer determination and force of will, refuse to fucking lose.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Robin had just gotten out of Steve’s car and was walking towards the doors of Family Video when she heard it. A whimper like the sound of a baby crying.

"Did you hear that?" Robin asked.

"Is this another deaf joke?" Steve asked. "I told you they're only acceptable if they're funny. . .am I going to laugh at this one?"

"No, dingus, I think I heard a baby crying! Turn that thing up!" Robin exclaimed.

"I can't turn it up any louder than this, Robin, I'm not a radio or a drug sniffing - hold on, I think I hear something," Steve said.

They moved to the side of Family Video that wasn't attached to the side of another building. They followed the noise to the dumpster that clung to the wall. Tucked underneath was a crying black haired puppy next to their dead mother and sibling.

"Oh, no, Steve!" Robin exclaimed. "Hey, sweetheart, we're not going to hurt you. Steve, give me your jacket."

"Why does it have to be my jacket?" Steve asked.

"Because I'm rather attached to mine," Robin said.

Steve rolled his eyes but took off his jacket and picked up the puppy, wrapping it up. Robin took the bundle from his arms and walked towards the car.

"Where are you going?" Steve asked.

"We need to take - uh, her to the vet, Steve," Robin said.

"Okay, but Keith said that if we abandon the store again we're fired," Steve said.

"Fuck Keith," Robin scowled.

"Yeah, which I'm probably going to have to do if I want to keep our jobs," Steve said.

"We all have to make our sacrifices," Robin said. "Come on, take one for the team."

"It's Keith, Robin!" Steve scowled, and then his face softened. "Now, if it was Eddie on the other hand. . ."

"I don't want to hear about your fantasies of working underneath him," Robin said. "Which you should tell him, by the way."

"I'll tell Eddie when you tell Vickie," Steve said.

"I've told her already," Robin said.

"Really?" Steve asked, crossing his arms.

Robin stared at him, and he stared back. Robin cursed.

"Damn you, Harrington," Robin said.

The dog in her arms started crying louder and moving around, her cries growing more desperate.

"Yeah, okay, let's get her to the vet," Steve said.

Once they got her to the vet, the doctor gave her a proper check-up and deemed her healthy except for the fact that she was hungry. It was hard to tell what kind of breed she was. The vet guessed something of a yorkie poodle mix, and then he asked if they were keeping her. Robin stared at the small black haired beauty in her arms, and her heart melted as the puppy laid her head right up against her chest while Steve scratched behind her ears.

"Yeah, we're keeping her," Robin said, looking at Steve. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Steve grinned.

Later that evening, Steve and Robin stumbled into the door of their shared apartment. Robin held the dog while Steve carried loads of things that she needed. Well, it was really Steve’s apartment. He got it over the summer when he was kicked out by his parents, but Robin basically lived there, too.

"Okay, you know this means we're going to have to switch to different shifts so someone stays here," Robin said.

"Yeah, I figured that out," Steve said.

"I just want to make sure you were okay with it," Robin said as she cooed at the puppy.

"I think we can handle being away from each for a while," Steve said.

"I'm not sure if I can, though!" Robin exclaimed. "Can't we just bring our child to work?"

"Yeah, Keith let us off the hook today, but I doubt he'll let us bring the dog in the store," he said.

Robin got on the floor with a toy, showing the puppy how to play with it.

"Our other kids come into the store, and Keith doesn't say shit!" Robin exclaimed.

"Because our other kids aren't at risk at peeing on the floor," Steve said.

"How sure are you about that, Steve?" Robin asked.

"Very sure! Their actual parents had them potty trained a long time ago," Steve scoffed.

Steve got on the floor with Robin, flattening all the way out onto his stomach like she did. Steve smiled and shook the toy at the dog, laughing when she attacked it, her little tail wagging.

"You know with her big brown eyes and her dark hair, she kind of looks like. . .," Robin trailed off. "Eddie?"

"That's what I was thinking!" Steve grinned.

"Of course you were," Robin cooed at Steve and then turned to the dog. "Eddie?"

The dog looked at Robin curiously, then bounced over to her and attacked her nose with kisses.

"I think we found her name," Steve said.

"Oh, he's going to love that," Robin said.

A few weeks passed with Robin and Steve working to maintain their new schedules. It was going pretty great. Little Edith was pretty smart and picked up on so much, so it was a breeze teaching her things. Of course, it still left them too busy to do other things. Robin had just left to nap in her new doggy bed in Robin's room when the front door opened.

"Are you sure about this?" Vickie asked.

"They gave us a key for a reason," Eddie said. "There is something going on, and we're going to get to the bottom of this."

"You don't think they're actually fighting, do you?" Vickie asked.

"Why else would they switch shifts?" Eddie asked.

"But it's Steve and Robin!" Vickie exclaimed.

"Can I help you, burglars?" Robin asked, startling them.

"What - what are you doing here?" Eddie asked.

"I live here - officially now," Robin said.

"I thought - you and Steve were having problems because you switched shifts, but you're living here?" Eddie asked.

"I guess you two should be the first to know - Steve and I are with child!" Robin exclaimed.

"What?!" Eddie and Vickie exclaimed.

"I thought you said you weren't interested in that," Vickie said. "With him."

"Oh, at first, yeah, but it turns out that it's a wonderful experience," Robin said with a happy sigh. "We're completely in love."

"Oh," Eddie and Vickie said softly, the sound disappointment clear in their voices.

"Why the long faces?" Robin asked. "This is good news!"

"Yeah, real happy for you," Eddie said bitterly, his eyes blinking back unshed tears.

"Seriously?" Robin asked. "I thought you all of people would be happy about this! This is something you want, too."

"You don't need to keep rubbing salt in the wound, Robin," Vickie said, rubbing Eddie's shoulder. "You told us both that we had nothing to worry about, and then you go and tell us that you're in love with Steve and that you're having his baby!"

"What?! Where did you get that from?!" Robin asked.

"From you! You said that you're with child and that you're in love!" Eddie shrieked and sniffled.

"We got a dog! Steve and I PLATONICALLY got a dog together!" Robin yelled, her eyes wide. "Didn't I say that?"

"No!" Vickie and Eddie yelled.

"Oh, well, I meant to say that," Robin said awkwardly and Eddie burst into relieved sobs. "Sorry."

Eddie's sobs turned into laughter, and Vickie couldn't help but laugh, too. Suddenly, Edith came running into the room, barking.

"There she is!" Eddie exclaimed. "The star of this misunderstanding!"

"Her name is Edith," Robin said.

"Edith, huh?" Eddie's eyes twinkling with mirth.

"She's so tiny," Vickie cooed.

"Yeah, the doctor said she's probably not going to be very big, says he'll be surprised if she makes it to ten pounds," Robin said. "I think she's ready to play again."

A little while later, Steve came home to find Robin, Eddie, and Vickie playing in the living with Edith.

"Hey," Steve grinned.

Robin rushed over to him and leaned over to whisper to him.

"Okay, don't be mad, okay, but I kind of accidentally made them think for a moment that we fell in love and you got me pregnant," Robin said.

"Well, it's not the first time you made someone think that. It probably won't be the last," Steve said.

"Good news, though," Robin grinned. "They're definitely interested in us."

"This day is looking up," Steve smiled softly as he watched them.

"Also, apparently, they meet up a couple of times a week over tea and scones to talk about us," Robin said, and Steve hummed.

"Interesting. . ."

Robin leaned against Steve, the both of them watching Eddie and Vickie sprawl out on the floor much like they do with Edith. Robin bit her lip. Aside from becoming best friends, Robin knew that in this moment, this was the best thing that could have happened to them.

[d4rv1n]

You're a good toy, aren't you?

Yes, you are..

You're an obedient doll

Following all and every command given to you

It feels so good to give in..

To have your thoughts and actions

Controlled..

As if you have no power over yourself..

You just want to obey every command..

Every order given to you

Don't you?

Yes you do..

So here's an order for you..

Find somewhere quiet..

Let yourself relax..

And be prepared to Drop

Deep into trance..

Stare mindlessly at this spiral

And feel as it slowly sucks your brain in..

As your mind gets helplessly erased..

With each and every breath you take

Every passing second..

Let your mind clear..

As you sink deeper and deeper..

Slowly but surely..

Feel it become impossible to focus

To concentrate on anything but my words..

You feel yourself Drop..

Further and further..

Deeper and deeper..

Into trance..

And now, I'm going to count to three..

With each and every number you'll feel yourself be Dragged even deeper into trance..

In a state or complete

And absolute

Relaxation..

One.

And you feel yourself lose control over your body..

Feeling every cell, every muscle of your body..

Relaxing.. completely..

More than ever before..

Two.

And your mind forcibly shuts down

You go Blank

Empty

And Obedient

You have no thoughts..

No worries..

Enjoying the complete emptiness..

Bliss..

And Three.

You've never been this deep before..

In a state of absolute trance

Floating around in pleasure

Your consciousness.. deep asleep

And your subconscious in my control

You can't move, you can't wake..

Not that you'd want to..

It feels So Very Good

To be This Very Deep

Out like a candle..

Like an obedient toy..

Good girl..

Now, I'm going to count to three..

On three you will wake up..

Feeling Needy.

As if your insides are on fire

You feel arousal more than you've ever before..

Your mind melts down

And you start shaking..

Drooling..

Moaning in arousal..

The second I say the word

Three

You'll be wide awake..

And as if a button has been pressed on a toy

You'll be in breeding mode...

Wanting nothing more to be used and abused..

To be bred..

Like a good fucktoy..

Like a bitch in heat..

Uncontrollably horny..

But, this arousal comes at a cost..

When you wake up, you will Not be able to pleasure yourself..

In any way whatsoever..

No touching..

No rubbing..

No humping..

There will be nothing you can do to bring yourself pleasure..

..Except one..

After reblogging this post, you will come to my DMs..

And tell me your wildest sexual fantasies..

Because everything you describe to me

You will feel.

Whether it is being touched..

Used..

Fucked..

Everything you describe to me

You will feel Vividly.

And the more detail you use, the more pleasure you can give yourself..

And you Need to please yourself..

More than anything..

Ready, now?

One..

Two..

Three.

And you're wide awake..

Feeling feral

Mindlessly horny

More than you've ever been before..

A bitch in heat who'll do anything for pleasure..

I'll enjoy reading your perverted fantasies~

[pines4thetwin]

As promised, here's that fusion post for the three people that asked for it (drops it and runs).

Ford thinks of himself and Stan as one, an extension of each other, and lowkey hates that its not true nor possible.

And Mabel really shouldn't have shown him Steven Universe because now he's obsessing over the concept of fusions and his desire to be one with stan.

Now lets say this is Pre-Weird and everything is still tense between them and they aren't exactly talking but despite that ford still wants to be close and he knows stan does too.

He can see it in the broken resigned looks Stan keeps throwing his way. And listen, Ford isn't the best at communication but he can fix this. He may still be angry and self righteous and an asshole but he can fix them.

So now he spends an even more absurd amount of time in the lab trying to making it his reality and entirely disregards his base needs to the point even dipper is concerned.

He has a journal dedicated to this idea where he keeps all his notes and theories on how to make it possible. Would he have to alter their DNA for it to work or could it be possible for them as they are?

While doing the tests and research for his fixation he remembers a dimension he briefly travelled to back when he was younger and fresh through the portal. One where this concept, his desire, his fantasy, his wish was real. A dimension where it was was their culture, their way of life. And while he did think it was interesting then, he was young and angry and raw with unrestrained hurt. Too emotional to stop and study the practice the way he should have.

He beats himself up over it now. If only he had been thinking more logically him and stan could be one already. They wouldn't have to be so... apart.

He doesn't have time to dwell on his shortcomings though. He has to figure this out. He doesn't know exactly why but he feels like he's running out of time. Like he has to do this now or he'll never have the chance again.

Eventually he has his prototype and it functions well... enough. He just has one more trial to run. Except Stan comes down to check on him. 'Worried ford isn't taking care of himself properly.' or something like that.

And honestly, Stan in his space is the last thing he expects because they have an unspoken agreement. Stan roams above and Ford stays down here. And when they cross paths they both look the other way.

But stan is here and yes Ford is annoyed at first but this also means he doesn't have to go seek stan out.

"I told you to stay- wait actually this is perfect. We'll do it now," Ford fiddles with his device, turning it on and he really isn't thinking right anymore. He know the device works and that's all that matters.

"Do what now? Stanford, what is that," And Stan is kinda terrified because Ford looks... well he looks kinda like how he did decades ago when he had sent that postcard and Stan had come running because well, its Ford.

Ford looks insane, primal and unhinged, like he hasn't seen the light of day in weeks. And Dipper had told Stan, had been worried but Stan brushed it off because Ford locking himself in the lab and avoiding everybody, avoiding him wasn't a new development.

But now Stan’s worried because that wild-eyed look is directed at him again and the cowardly little animal in him is screaming at him to run.

It’s like Ford knows what he's thinking because before Stan has a chance to decide if he's going to shut down or entertain that scared little animal, Ford is grasping at him and pulling him deeper into the dingy little basement.

Stan trips and he fully expects his back to hit the floor but fords got and arm wrapped low on his back that keeps him from falling fully. And stan's hand is also tangled in fords sweater so even if Ford had let him fall, well they would have gone down together.

But then he catches sight of that thing again and it looks vaguely like a gun and why did he have to get saddled with the insane twin? He doesn't even have time to flinch because a bright light floods his vision and he blanks.

For a second, Stan's mind goes black and there's a strange humming in his ears. But then he hears a laugh he hasn't heard in forever. Soft and joyous and for a moment stan smiles. It's Ford's laugh.

Because he and Stan become one. And everything is warm and bright and as it should be. For a moment everything is right. It feels like coming home.

His-Their eyes open and Ford's confused? No, Stans confused.

"Sixer? Lee?" Their voice says, soft and bewildered. They look around, searching for each other. Stan? Ford? Where did they go? They look down and their vision swims. Four hands, five fingers? Six? It all blurs together.

Is this me, they think as one. Finally as one. Four hands run up the sides of their one body then stretch out for their wide eyes to view. Ford can feel his giddiness rising unbidden. And a whisper from Stan, rising to meet Ford. Uncertain but matching nonetheless.

Finally

Finally together... Finally fixed... Finally right.

They spin slowly, as if that will give them a better view of what they are now, and they catch their reflection in some dim glass. Ford wants to smile but their face drops, eyes horrified.

"What did you do," Stan says, voice a cutting accusation. Nausea erupts in their stomach. And that isn't right. Why isn't it right?

Something is wrong. Everything is so very wrong. Ford's head hurts. Or is it Stans. He doesn't know. They can't tell.

"I fixed it. I fixed us," Ford says and it isn't right either. Why is it still so wrong? Stan is angry. But why is he angry? Why aren't they happy? They're together. After all this time they're finally together again.

Ford can feel Stan pulling away. It's like their mind is splitting in two. Hot searing pain shoots through their head, four eyes closing when the world starts to spin.

Ford grasps ahold of stan and refuses to let go. He can't let Stan ruin this, ruin them. He will not let Stan destroy everything he's worked towards again. They've been apart for so long- too long but not anymore. Besides, this is for them. Stan will just have to understand. They are one now. Broken and wrong but one nonetheless.

"Let me go," They yell, tugging apart furiously. Their shape shifts and distorts but doesn't split. Ford won't let them. They snap back together painfully, stumbling on two bulky legs, one that branches into two feet. Wrong.

"No! This is what we wanted right," their voice bellows, loud and angry and wrong. So very wrong. "For us to be together. Always together."

They grip at their hair as if trying to pull themselves back apart. Stan.

"Not like this. I never asked for this." they shout back, voice sharp and hurt and why aren't they happy now. They should be happy. This is right. This is how they are meant to be.

Even as the anger and hurt courses through their entire being, Ford knows he wouldn't want to be any other way. Stan's angry and scared but at least they're one. They're shattered and hurting but even then some small part burns in them, it's a tiny little ember but it's both of them and it says yes.

Another set of hands reach for the ones in their hair, pulling them out and restraining them. Betrayal spikes, scorching and increasing rapidly even after years of dormancy. Ford.

"Stop being so ungrateful! You're always so-." angry tears spill from their eyes. Decades of hurt and anger and resentment spill forth to mix into a sense numbing cocktail but most of all they feel alone. So very alone. Them.

They grapple and struggle and Ford's device glints from the corner of their eyes. Ford can feel Stan's intent before their body even moves. Being one now, it's like their minds have melded which means Stan knows the device's purpose. And he intends to separate them.

"NO!" Ford bellows, voice priggish and angry, hurt tinting the singular word so strongly that their body stalls. Why would stan- Why doesn't he want them to be together?

"Grunkle Stan?" Their head whips to the left, eyes locking with a confused and tired Mabel’s. Their focus splits, body jerking in an awkward aborted movement as Stan tries to move forward and Ford holds him back.

“Pumpkin grab that- Mabel don't-” And why can they never agree on anything. When did everything go so wrong? 

Flashes of being in this very lab, so long ago- but no, it was before that even.

Mabel stares at them, scared and confused and stan has never wanted her to look at him like that ever. But Ford doesn't register it because for a moment, one split second, Stan stops fighting him. 

They don't hesitate to rush forward, very much intent on destroying their creation before it has a chance to be used against them. To hurt them.

Two small hands wrap around it before they can get ahold of it. Mabel clutches it to her chest, watching them with something too close to fear. They freeze in place, hands raising in surrender.

"Sweetie," Falls from their lips, pleading. For what though, they aren't quite sure. Because their mind, it should be one yet it isn't. It's at odds, fragmented by a fear and necessity that clash so strongly it could tear universes apart.

“Press the green- Don't you dare-” They speak at once, words and thoughts overlapping. Large hands cover their mouth, two others gripping uselessly at wrist that refuse to budge, because regardless of whatever insanity that has plagued Fords mind to make them act this way, Stan will not let their voice- their words even hint at a threat towards Mabel.

Mabel's head bobs, looking from them down to the thing in her hands, unsure of what to do. Stan nods, eyes pleading.

Ford lashes out, angry and hurt and thrashing like a wild dog. 'Stanley please no. Why don't you want us to be-' Stan is retreating, silent and distant. 'Lee. LEE!'

Everything goes dark.

Ford rises slowly, head spinning and ears ringing. He has the worst headache he has ever experienced. He stares at his hands, splayed on the floor. Two hands, six fingers. Wrong.

His head whips up and his gaze finds Stan's crumpled form across from him on the floor. Stan's glaring at him, thick angry tears spilling down red cheeks.

No. No!

His head turns slowly and his eyes fall on Mabel. Mabel who is standing with his prototype in shaky hands looking between a separated Ford and Stan. He... failed. And now they're...

Apart.

Broken.

Wrong.

[madwomansapologist]

enjoying a day off | nami

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synopsis: After a hard week, all you could think about was your day off with your girlfriend. At the beach, you figured you'd spend your time swimming, looking for shells or letting the sun warm your skin. Nami was also expecting that, but her mind was unaware of a very important fact to determine how that day would end: Nami didn't know you would be wearing that bikini.

warnings: smut. exhibitionism. public sex. praise kink. degradation. free use. masturbation. scissoring. fingering. tw:use of 'pretty, pretty little girl'. dom!nami. female!reader.

Nothing would stop you from disappearing for a whole day. No machines to create, and no Going Merry damage to repair, or pirates to deal with. What you wanted was peace. Silence. The chance to not have to worry about anything or anyone. Except for Nami, of course.

The beach was your idea. It was remote, quiet, but close enough to the port so you didn't have to walk for long. And it was beautiful. Magnificent. Just what you needed.

As soon as you arrived, Nami found a comfortable place and arranged the sheet with all your things. She lay down, her head on one of the bags, and soon sank into a fantasy book. "Aren't you going to swim with me?"

"I've had enough of water for a lifetime." Nami can stay there for how long she desire, you will enjoy the day as much as you can. You started opening the buttons on your short, rolling your eyes at her lazyness. "Shout if you need help."

You threw your shorts at her, then did the same with your t-shirt. You accidentally made Nami drop the book in her face, and it was difficult to not laugh at it. "Enjoy your boredom."

Nami held the book, throwing your clothes aside, but wasn't able to say anything. Nami could only look at the tiny piece that had been hiding under your clothes this whole time. It was almost a crime for you to dress like that in public.

It covered everything that couldn't be shown, but that was it. There was nothing left to the imagination, and yet Nami's mind managed to create so many images of you. Memories and desires mixed together.

Nami between your legs, licking without haste, squeezing your thighs. Your fingers deep into her, making her roll her eyes. Your voice. Your eyes burning with lust. Your drooling face after she tired you out. Her name coming out between your lips. All the marks on your body that came from her.

"Come here, let me bore you out", Nami throw the book. She sat on the sheet, her eyes penetrating your skin and warming your soul, tapped her lap twice. "There's your seat, pretty girl."

You always follow her orders, but this one you followed with great pleasure.

Sitting on Nami, your chest pressing against hers, you linked your arms around her neck. Nami squeezed your thighs, her nails marking your skin. "You're so beautiful. You know that, right? My beautiful girl."

The wet kisses on your neck made you close your eyes. You leaned towards her lips, squeezing Nami's shoulders just the way she likes. "You say this all the time", you whispered.

When she hold you, you feel at home. You feel safe. Like Nami could do anything to you, say anything, and nothing will never change. You're her girl. Her beautiful, pretty girl.

"Because it's true", Nami bit your shoulder. Her fingers went up to the string of your bikini, tugging at the fabric. Within seconds, even without her touching your breasts directly, your nipples were hard. "But you'd be prettier without it."

Without warning, she pulled at the fabric. She didn't undo the knot, she didn't pull it away to reveal your body: Nami tore it. With a single movement, your breasts popped out. "Hey! I still want to swim!" Even though you were still complaining, she did the same with the fabric between your legs.

Even mad that she tore your bikini apart, or that someone may see you both, you didn't even tried to cover yourself. If Nami wants to see you, then you gonna give that to her. You love to feel her gaze burning your skin.

"You can do everything you want to," Nami laid you down on the sheets. She sat on your lap, enjoying your body. She knew every little detail about it, but she still looked at you as if it were the last time. As if you were her last meal. "Just like that. Naked for me."

"We are in public, Nami!"

"Just stay like that, huh? Can you do that for me? Can my pretty, pretty little girl do what I want her to do?"

Of course you agreed.

Nami bent down, kissing your forehead. The tip of your nose. Your chin. Between your breasts. Then she licked it. The sensitive skin of your belly, your fingers that used to hold her waist, the peaks of your breasts. The licking turned into lightly biting your nipples, then squeezing your breasts until it hurt, and sucking her skin.

With her mouth full, her fingers slid into your pussy. She lightly touched your lips, a touch so delicate that it seemed ghostly. You held Nami's hair, her tongue playing with the sensitivity of your breasts, and you felt her moan against your skin. You pulled, harder this time. “You’re so good for me,” you moaned. "I want you so bad. All the time."

Just like that, she stuck a finger in you. It stung a little, you didn't expect it to be so sudden, but the teeth squeezing your nipples made the pain soon turn into pleasure. One finger became two, and soon your pussy was as wet as the sea.

"You're so loud," Nami slapped your thigh. The way your pussy throbbed against her fingers made her close her eyes. "Do you want to get caught? Do you want someone to listen to you and come watch me fucking my dirty slut?"

Nami placed one of your legs over her shoulder, and sat in a better position on top of you. "Should I let anyone here use you? You're so inviting. Is that what you want? To be fucked like a bitch?

You shook your head. "I'm your whore. Only yours."

It was exactly what Nami wanted to hear.

You spread your legs to accommodate her better. Nami touched once more your glistening lips, proud of how wet you were for her. She kissed you, her tongue exploring your mouth as if it was the first time, and started to slide herself against you.

You couldn't close your eyes. Not even blink. Because that meant you wouldn't be able to see her, and that would be such a waste. "You're so pretty", you babble praises. "So good to me."

Nami grinded against you, enamored by your words. She could feel how wet and hot you were, so ready for her. Your lips touched hers perfectly, your pelvis was made to press her clit just the way she loves.

It gets harder every day for Nami to ignore that you were made for her.

She was so slow, that your mind started to imagine all the things you wanted Nami to do to you. How you wanted her to fuck whenever she wants, however she wants. She was so good for you that you couldn't help but to starve for more.

Thrusting like that, enjoying every second, your arosal mixed with her. Your thight was so wet, you could feel the sheet cold beneath you, and you had the perfect vision of Nami's pink lips shining. It was so wet, so sticky between you both, so messy.

You would lick her clean. Drink every single tear of her sweet juice.

You could hear how wet you both were. How nasty, dirty it was. So hot. You smiled as you heard, and Nami grinded harder against you.

"Did you heard that?" Nami bit her bottom lip.

"Fuck", you couldn't breath anymore. Your Head started to burn. "You're making me... Nami, please, do something."

Faster, Nami put her thumb on your clit and pressed it. She spit on you. She didn't need to, you both were so wet, but she wanted to. And you could take anything Nami wanted you to.

She kissed, feeling you coming undone, shaking between your legs. Her nails dig into your thight's skin, making you moan. It was so hard, so good, that she couldn't control herself. With her mouth open, Nami's saliva fell on your boiling hot skin.

Nami lay on top of you, and you hugged her trembling body. “You were perfect for me,” you whispered. "You always are."

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[apostaterevolutionary]

So another thing I want to talk about post-veilguard re: the lore. There's been plenty of long explorations of the de-fanging or just skipping entirely when it comes to the political stuff and I think the topic's been covered pretty well by others at this point, so I won't dwell on that. But I do want to talk a bit about the higher, more mystical lore with respect to gods/religions and the direction it's taken since inquisition's dlcs. Because... ngl, I didn't love it then, and I don't love it now

(Veilguard spoilers, but this also is about inquisition's dlcs too)

So. First off: I have not actually played the descent or trespasser. Because, at the time they were released, I was playing on previous gen consoles and thus I literally could not buy them even if I’d wanted to (and at the time, I did want to). I maintain that was incredibly dumb 10 years later, given trespasser was the actual ending of the game locked behind a price tag, but let's not beat skeletal horses huh lmao

Anyway. So I have only read about the events of those on the wiki/in people's posts (I don't enjoy watching let's plays unless it's someone doing something weird so). I own all the dlcs now, as I now have a computer that can run the game and I bought all of them, but every attempt to replay inquisition since my insane fervour when it first released has failed. I just can't finish the game, so I can't play the dlcs. Anyway. All of this to say: my knowledge of what happens in them may be skewed and even wrong. But I'm gonna talk about the topics anyway, so please feel free to chime in if I’ve got something wrong

So firstly: the titans. I remember really not liking this development when the dlc came out cause like. What? I read the wiki page then (and again recently, cause I remembered very little lmao) and honestly I still don't like it cause it just feels so... at odds with everything else in the lore? Idk. I still don't get how it fits in with absolutely anything. Feels out of nowhere and doesn’t really fit. But okay, they’re here now, and I’ll talk about their tie in to the rest of the lore later. But suffice to say: it just felt like a weird thing then and I maintain it does now too. Like it just doesn’t fit and feels like a weirdly forced addition. I guess that’s personal opinion but I gotta say it

But the bigger part of this is. The sort of... removal of all religions in Thedas for the sake of just. Elves were everything? At first, I really disliked the rewriting of elven gods as tyrants cause it's like... the simple, silly elves mourning everything they lost but actually what they lost was oppression and slavery even worse than today!!! That has implications I really dislike. But now it's... okay Tevinter gods? Well, people worshipping dragons makes sense, even if they weren't really gods - sike! They weren't just dragons either, they were fucked up dragons controlled by the elven gods. The elven gods which aren't even gods, but really just random people. Except those people were also fade spirits made physical. But still not gods! It's important that they are not in fact gods and just powerful mages! Oh also the maker is bullshit too and Solas was the maker, at least in the context of the golden city story (I'm actually fine with the maker and that story specifically not being real it's just. The combo of everything, you know). Also the elven not-gods destroyed the titans too! So also dwarven problems were their fault too! And destroying the titans created the fucking BLIGHT!!! You know, the worst thing to ever exist! Everything comes back to just these guys!!!

Like. It’s all Solas and the Evanuris all the way down. Everything is just them. It makes the world feel so… small. I don't like how everything's just narrowing in on one thing here? Fantasy with different races and religions are fun because it's like. I found the original stories interesting. The story of the elven gods and the forgotten ones being locked away by a trickster so that only he remains is such classic myth shit. I enjoy that. Lyrium being a weird, magic rock that just exists and also it’s poison? Yeah, that makes sense - we have radioactivity in real life lmao, why can't rocks be weird in a land of magic. The blight just. Existing as an evil thing, either as a result of the golden city story or something else - that’s also fine. And as much as the andrastian religion has done some terrible stuff (and the like. it just being christianity but jesus was a woman this time is kind of boring), the concept of worshipping an absent god is actually pretty interesting

And now it just feels like

Idk to me it feels so limited to just boil all of these interesting mythologies and beliefs down to just... well it was all the Evanuris. Everything was the Evanuris. Also they weren't even gods, they were just terrible. There are no gods in this world. If you want a religion, better bring paragon worship to the surface or go join the Qun cause apparently they're the only ones who have any kind of factual stuff going on in their religions (for now, at least lmao)

I recall seeing a post somewhere asking why no one in this game is religious at all. Well, I think this is why: most of the religions are about to not exist anymore. The dwarves are mostly okay, cause paragons are just ancestors, they were real people (though I'm sure there are some who's history has been distorted). Like the titan thing is a thing but idk how bothered most dwarves are by that, it’s not really brought up much. The Qun doesn’t have any sort of deity that we know of so like. They're okay. Except they don't have a military so. That's a problem for the nation, which could lead to the religion ceasing to exist if anyone decides to conquer them back after all the shit. Idk. I'm an atheist irl lmao so this feels kinda weird to harp on but it is very weird to me for a fantasy game to just. Destroy all the gods and beliefs like that. I suppose it's a unique choice but still... Why

(I also just remembered we still have the Avvar I guess, but they worship spirits, no? Which are also not really gods, but at least that’s also a believable religious concept. I’ve never seen a fantasy setting with no real gods before honestly. It’s a very bold choice, one I’m not sure I like)

And maybe! I'm missing something, either something that was maybe hidden in a codex or book I haven’t read or something that happened in one of the dlcs I haven't played but. Idk. The world of thedas feels just so small and cramped now that we know that everything most citizens of the world has ever believed was false and just boiled down to a small handful of old timey tyrants. Even the falseness I could deal with, but the limiting of just. Oh it was all just these guys. That’s it. All them. That's just... I don't like it. The larger context of dragon age lore is… idk it’s been getting smaller and smaller since the end of inquisition and I don’t like that

I started drafting this partway through playing and one of the things I also talked about was ‘where the hell are future games going to go now???’ but now I’ve also seen the secret ending and that… once again implies there’s something bigger behind absolutely everything? I sincerely hope that’s in a like. Subtle influence thing and not ‘oh yeah, Loghain and Bartrand were actually ~manipulated~’ way cause taking away their agency makes them infinitely less interesting characters (plus Bartrand already has the lyrium idol as part of the reason he did what he did). Like pls don’t let this turn into an idea that people can’t just do terrible things. Please, we really don’t need that. That may not be where it’s going but idk, that got my hackles up lmao

AND apparently in the reddit AMA they said they were done with the Evanuris’ story but like… the Evanuris were just everything that’s ever been believed in? I guess they don’t have to personally show up but… idk I kinda figured there’s no way to get away from them now. Also Solas, is still kicking around, even though presumably with the veil being tied to him... assuming he did get out or was freed again, he wouldn't kill himself to tear down the veil, right? Right??? This isn't an issue that may come up one day????? I kinda feel like it's a little bit of a plot hole

But that’s kind of a side point. The larger thing here is how we see the major religions and mythologies in Thedas all just converge on the same thing, a thing which is no longer an issue so. They’re mostly just gone? I can’t imagine the chantry is going anywhere soon (though with the south so thoroughly fucked, who knows, maybe too many people died and the religion will die too cause the political power structure is completely gone – if Tevinter didn’t get a new, good leader during veilguard I’d say they’re definitely going to take advantage of the weakness of the south to make their empire big again. Also ngl I actually think that would be an interesting thing to happen but oh well lmao). Not only are there no actual gods in Thedas, almost every religion was actually this one group and that’s it. That’s just so bizarre to me and I don’t like the implications. Fantasy settings and religions and deities go hand in hand and I guess they don’t have to but. It does feel like the world is smaller now, not bigger

Idk I don’t really have a real big conclusion here it’s just. Why do this? Why tie so much of the lore back to just one group? A group you’re also apparently done with now? And with the secret ending hinting at yet another group that even more things are going to be tied back to… This feels like very simplistic storytelling, not complex storytelling to me. And I don’t like that

[hexhomos]

oh god I'm freaking out now. I did not watch the leaks, but I had read some (similar) opinions and choose to ignore it because I don't trust the general media analysis capabilities of like 70% of tumblr. But I do trust you and I like reading your vikjayce and doomreed thoughts... is it really that bad? Isn't there anything salvageable?

Don't click readmore if you don't want vague spoilers.

I genuinely have no emotional investment in much, if not majority of what happens in s2. Maybe this is because I'm an industryperson and not exactly awed by the idea of 'inversion' for pointless inversion's sake, maybe because the past year of publicly televised USA-backed genocides have made arcane's fraught politics more detestable than ever. I abhor how married this show is to the message that every atrocity, no matter how vile or senseless, is 'committed for love' as an easy way to sidestep discussions of capitalism, exploitation, imperialism, and all the systematically-enforced evils that make up the reason Why this world is so brutally unfair. They literally took a guy whose entire deal is building human centipedes in his basement, making weapons of war, and inflicting as much pain as possible for the sake of a laugh and said 'oh... he does this for love,' and i felt like throwing rocks at the screen for how stupid that shit is.

The episodes I've seen feel shallow, limited and empty in their writing; the world has a raindrop's depth. There are maybe 10 people total in these cities and everyone else is a nameless, vapid NPC, functionally indistinct outside of how they rack up morale for a certain character. The animation is still kinetic, the music videos are still certainly a big part of the flashing lights, but i feel nothing for any of the characters onscreen except for contempt or mild disinterest.

It feels like a first draft put to animation. It's to the point where i believe season 1 should have closed without continuation and let You decide how the uncertainties pan out. (Have you ever seen Wicked? Do you know how everyone tells you that it completely falls apart in the second act so best pretend act1 is the whole thing?) The 'twists' it tries to pull aren't clever. If you're a game fan, you're left confused as to why some of this shit is included in this show and not some other region's show, if you know nothing of the game, you're going to be namedropped on lore buzzwords that get little explanation, give you no reason to care, but are placed as if they are a big deal anyway. Kind of feels like you're cheating both demographics. Parts of this season feel like backdoor pilots to greenlight a Noxus show -- the region who most thrives in the edgy aesthetics of cool awesomesauce grimdark fantasy imperialism -- and i just want all of these characters to die. But they end up getting all of the sob-story justification screentime while the poor people are either stupid kids or drug addicts. every single main undercity character is a drug addict of some kind, war-on-terror propaganda style, and the one who isn't has been surgically removed from the plot for majority of the runtime. I have to laugh.

The things some people were looking forward to - the gay romances, the gay divorces - will probably make more than a few fans go on to say threats of terrorism, but i still felt like i could see right through the script's flaccid bullshit. You're not getting a rise out of me like this. You barely fucking tried.

'Salvageable' is a dangerous word around me I'm notoriously obsessed with taking shit that sucks and recycling it to see if it can be improved like 'there is always hope' and all that gushy heart bullshit but like... that is between you and god. that is magic that happens inside your mind. it's work that you put into it, and that I predict people will be putting into it, out of their own volition. Or as a way to ignore what just happened.

[fumifooms]

i know you aren't really into marcille/laios any longer, but since you went looking online for dungeon meshi doujins, did you happen to find any other marcille/laios ones? (funnily enough at the convention i was at a couple weeks back they had like five, but they were extremely over-exaggerated and personally i prefer my fan content relatively in character...)

Ok first of all: Yeah listen laimar doesn’t have a grip on me anymore but I still quite enjoy it! Just more passively… Altho I do have an analysis that focuses a lot on the importance they hold to each other in my early stage wips drafts, and listen in canon I do think they’re queerplatonic flavored, call me an ot3 qpr truther because Laios Marcille and Falin have a something going on and it transcends being put into a box. But hey hey I reblog laimar artworks I bought that recent doujin I put laimar fics in my -checks- 106 pages long to-read list… Also I have like 5 pages of fanfic prompts for them I may or may not get to writing. Though yeah I do feel bad whenever I notice people following after liking all my laimar posts haha

Sadly to get to the meat of the topic, not really… I don’t go to cons for lack of opportunity so whatever I find is through online. The one I got is The Fourth Basement Floor, it has an english ver and seems so so very in character I can’t wait to get it! Otherwise I’ve looked on Otakurepublic & Doujinrepublic since I use their services for merch from Japan, warning if you click on the link, there are 18+ ones and covers can be pretty explicit. I don’t remember any other laimar one except the one nsfw one I think, but on the plus side there are a lot of gen no ships doujins. I’m bothered because looking back I feel like the catalogue of doujins was wider when I looked all those months ago and it feels like I’m forgetting something hmm… I wish I could help more, but yeah 😔 Pixiv has many laimar comics up (in japanese) if that sates the hunger any

As consolation since I’m already here, why not show some of my laimar things laying around gathering dust I’m fond of. Don’t look if you don’t want to be spoiled for fics I may or may not write I guess? All down below is just laimar prompts

I spoke about some various ones and esp my timeline where she gets him into Daltian Clan here. "Laios… I was wondering, because you enjoy fantasy stories right? I was wondering if you’d like to give my favorite book series a go… It has monsters!" I love love love post-canon laimar where he gets the habit of chewing on her hair because he’s stimming and hungry. Like a goat.

Laios goes to Marcille for love advice.  "You like someone?! Do I know them?" She eagerly asked. "Erm… Yes…?" // Post-canon. He’s so nervous and puts his foot in his mouth n lets things slip out that he thought would give him away. (Comic) "You like someone??! What are they like? Who are they?" And he’s like "Well… She’s a half-elf." He’s like shit she’ll probably know right away. And she goes still. "I’ve never met another half-elf!! We’re so rare! You’re saying you met one and didn’t tell me???!" She’s shaking him. And then she goes still again, contempt drawing on her face. "Wait… Are you asking me for advice because I’m a half-elf?" Laios runs with it "Yes!! And because you’re so savvy with romance and what people like…? If, uh, if you were a half-elf, what would you like to get as a gift? What sort of confession would you want?" "… You saved it there. Okay so since I’m so knowledgeable on romance, tell me what is she like?" "-describes Marcille-" She nods, smug yet oblivious. "Aah I can already tell we’d be great friends. Good taste." (then Thinking bubble with him giving her flowers at a restaurant "Did you know roses are edible and used in recipes", candlelit dinner, or wait maybe the most romantic is cooking together alone at home, chocolate! It’s expensive though… Wait I’m king now!)

Lil comic, Laios wakes up snuggled against Marcille’s back then promptly falls off the bed. The noise makes Marcille wake up and she’s like omg are u ok?? Laios is so sweaty and panicked and in denial about her being special to him.  She explains, disgruntled at the memory "Izutsumi is bunking in with Chilchuck again, they’re taking the whole bedrolls." Pause. "Sorry, I should have told you, but you like sleeping with Izutsumi too so I figured…" She looked sheepish. "Between you and Senshi, I much prefer sleeping with you. It feels sort of nostalgic, like a sleepover, no?" He relaxes and gets in the bed again, smiling. "But… We’ve never had a sleepover?" She chuckles "I guess not. I must be getting that impression because of Falin…" And the air between them is warm yet bittersweet now, as she smiles like that and his eyes and smile cloud over. The earlier instinctive reluctance to touch is gone now. She snuggles into his arms and is like "Hug me?" "Okay." And he does, wraps his arms around her and tucks his chin over her head.

Post canon, marcille takes him to a squid restaurant. Cute lighthearted hehe. He sulks "If there are any parasites in this I will ban squid from this kingdom or so help me…"

Short post canon fluff marcille pov about laios gaining weight n becoming chubby. She used to dream of chiseled abs and angular elves, laios in every way, shape and form is so far from the beauty standards she idealized so. And yet… She loves how soft sleeping against him is, how much there’s more of him for her to hug and nuzzle her face in. She loves seeing him and seeing someone strong, who isn’t malnourished or underweight, someone healthy with color in their skin. An healthy appetite. He used to look more like a rectangle, severe and strict, but now he looked rounder, and seeing him smile at her always made her feel like that roundness suited him. She smiled back, and melted thinking about how her boyfriend was the sweetest in the world. ^I still wanna do this one really bad. Sometimes a fic premise comes from nowhere and puts you in a chokehold and you must finish it to obtain catharsis

Short oneshot about laios musing about Marcille’s smile, how important it is to him in subtle ways etc: Ends with Laios being like wait there’s something off (succubus). Then he grabbed her throat. Or smth

Laios seeing her dungeon like "this is so wrong Marcille you can’t run a dungeon for shit" and also "WHAT ARE THESE HORRORS OF MONSTERS NOO THEY CAN’T BE EFFECTIVE LIKE THAT"

Dinner for two: Very warm. Marcille and Laios are meeting up and cooking a dinner just for them both, no one else is there. They’re being so domestic and it’s light. Laios pauses at some point, doing the dishes, saying… I’ve always worried, thinking doing things like these would remind me of my parents.

Laios doesn’t know what to do when he realizes he actually *likes* likes Marcille, so he avoids her. Everyone notices and is disapproving of him.

Her mana acts up and she shares her dream with someone, kinda like with Izutsumi. Listen the premise could be smutty but I think it’d be more fun if they just hanged out n were silly, like the nightmares chapter without the nightmare

Laimar pining but from the view of Chilchuck, his love hatred sensing a storm brewing. The giggling, the looks. Ugh! It reminded him of himself and his wife when they were young and newly dating.

I love Laios and Izu being worsties so. Laios sees izutsumi rubbing her scent on marcille’s clothes and gets possessive. Maybe Golden Kingdom maybe something else I have no clue but Laios being ridiculous and cheek rubbing or something <3

I might want to do an AU where Laios gets into werebeast ring fighting, before canon and the split happens after he deserts the military. So he’s alone, has nothing going for him and stumbles into that sphere and gets werebeast tattoos done. It doesn’t make him happier at all and fighting sucks actually, but it brings money and he likes being a beast and being cheered by a crowd aka illusion of being liked, and money brings food and eating is the privilege of the living etc etc. So then when he goes to check on Falin at the academy it’s a big AU where he has a whole other reputation and look to him, and when he meets izutsumi their relationship is different and aaaaaa… He’s freeer in this au, lets himself be animalistic and weird, even though ofc the arc is him letting himself be more human as well and connecting with humans, through talking and infodumping n shit. Oh I went off but the laimar is because it’s inspired by cool laimar art here (warning tho it’s an art dump with toudencest also 😔) but werewolf Laios laimar AUs… A lotta fun stuff there idk idk

[veliseraptor]

April Reading Recap

Stars of Chaos vol. 2 by Priest. I'm not quite grabbed by this one yet. I'm not not enjoying it, but the main relationship doesn't quite have me compelled, and the politics aren't quite sharp enough to get me either. I'm not totally sure I'll keep buying the published volumes, at least not at this time, and just read the rest online to see how I end up feeling about it as a whole before making the financial commitment.

Medea by Eilish Quin. Listen, I'm a Medea apologist, but I'm a Medea apologist who is very much of the "she absolutely did all the awful things she's accused of and she is valid" and the author here is going "she did all the awful things she's accused of but it's not as bad as you thought it was because she didn't mean it!" and I'm just. I'm not mad, just disappointed (again). I was so hoping for a book that would do something interesting with a Medea retelling but I probably should've known better than to think it'd be this one. Why, you may ask, do I keep reading myth retellings about my problematic faves when all I do is complain about them? Hope springs eternal, I guess.

She Who Became the Sun and He Who Drowned the World by Shelley Parker-Chan. Exceptional. Might be my favorite books I read in April. I'd already read She Who Became the Sun back when it was first published and knew I'd enjoyed it (was rereading to refresh my memory for the sequel), but I felt like I enjoyed it more the second time around, and I might've liked He Who Drowned the World even more than its predecessor. If you're looking for works of just-barely fantasy with delightfully fucked up queer characters, come get 'em here. I won't say most of them are happy (they're not) or that things end well (they don't), but boy is it good reading.

The Death of Jane Lawrence by Caitlin Starling. Decent horror but not particularly outstanding, in my opinion. I liked The Luminous Dead more.

Untethered Sky by Fonda Lee. I continue to struggle with novellas. This was a perfectly good novella but it felt like it could've been a stronger short story, which I guess is better than the other way I usually come out of novellas, which is "this was a fine novella but it should've been a novel."

The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler. I really liked this. It has more of a thriller-ish edge than I expected, but for all that I think it's a thoughtful book with some interesting things to say, and I feel like it's one I want more people to read so I can talk to them about it. It's set in a sort-of spooky, near-future dystopia, but a lot of it is about, like, the nature of thought and consciousness. Anyway, I found myself compelled.

Islands of Abandonment: Nation Rebounding in the Post-Human Landscape by Cal Flyn. I found myself reading this thinking a lot about The World Without Us, a book I read many years ago and would kind of like to reread, and which I think I liked more than this (at least in my memory). I was hoping for more analysis than I got from this book, which was beautifully written but more nature/travel writing than science. One thing I did appreciate was the attention paid to the human cost of the "abandoned" places examined in this book - the pain that abandonment often signifies, and the trauma it indicates, in spite of the beauty that may come after.

Emperor of Rome: Ruling the Ancient Roman World by Mary Beard. I really liked the way that Beard chose to do this one - namely, taking it by theme rather than by emperor, and breaking down different areas of the emperor's life over time rather than trying to tell a linear narrative. It also let her do some of the better "skeptical" reading of sources that I've read in a popular book on ancient history, where she was actually digging into the "rather than what this says about what this person may or may not have actually done, what does it say about expectations, beliefs, and tropes that people had" kind of reading. And after some of the other popular histories of Rome I've read, thank god for that.

Metamorphoses by Ovid, trans. Stephanie McCarter. Continuing on with my "reading new translations (by women!) of classical epics" run (started with The Odyssey, The Iliad is on my list). It was fun to reread Ovid! As usual one of my favorite parts of this was reading the translator's note and introduction, and I wanted about 500% more of that through the text (tell me about the assonance you're preserving in the Latin!) but did get some of (thanks for the information on the penis/pubic hair puns!). Overall would recommend as a good translation of Ovid that very much does not flinch away from - and makes/keeps appropriately uncomfortable - the sexual assault.

Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat. Slightly more YA than I usually like, but I enjoyed it! I was a little :\ about it for a while, very much feeling the YA cliches of it all, but the late hour twist got me interested again, and I will be picking up the sequel. Did miss the full balls-to-the-wall iddy joy of Captive Prince, though, since I probably wouldn't have picked this book up without the author recognition.

Subversive Sequels in the Bible: How Biblical Stories Mine and Undermine Each Other by Judy Klitsner. I really liked this one, particularly for its commentary comparing and contrasting Eve, and the other women of Genesis, with later Biblical narratives. I don't know how much I buy all of her arguments when it comes to intentionality of all of the comparisons she's drawing, but it certainly makes interesting food for thought, and a good sampler for me of what literary-based Biblical scholarship can look like (and an indication that I'm interested in trying more of it).

Use of Weapons by Iain M. Banks. I read most of my way through this book continuing to really appreciate what Banks does with the Culture novels and planning to continue on reading the next one, but not enjoying this specific one as much as I did The Player of Games in particular, and then I got to the very end of it and went "hang on what the fuck???" but in a decidedly good way. And I'm still kind of thinking about That even though it's been a while, which I think is a positive. Anyway, I don't think I'd recommend this as a starting place for anyone to read the Culture novels, or as a must read, but it was on the upper end of a three star rating.

Juniper & Thorn by Ava Reid. I wanted this to be more gothic horror and less romance and it ended up being more romance and less gothic horror, was my feeling. Not necessarily the book's fault, but if anyone else is eyeing it wondering...now you know.

A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik. I really enjoyed this one! I was kind of skeptical going in - I'm not a big magic school person, as a rule, and the more I feel like something is hyped to me the more I tend to drag my heels about it - but Naomi Novik is really good at what she does and she clearly had a lot of fun here. It's tropey for sure, but I enjoy the narrative voice (very important, in a first person narration), and the action moves along with what I felt was pretty good momentum. The other thing I was worried about - that it'd feel too much like this was just ~commentary on/against Harry Potter~ without saying anything for itself - didn't materialize for me. I'm looking forward to reading the next ones.

The Monster Theory Reader ed. by Jeffrey Andrew Weinstock. I'm so rusty on my academic/theory reading and I felt it reading this collection, some of which was definitely better than others. Kristeva's essay on abjection was particularly rough as far as "I'm reading words and I know all the words but something about the order they're going in is just not making sense to me." Overall...it was a decent primer? There were a few very interesting essays in there; my favorite might've been the one on tanuki in modernizing Japan's folklore, but there were a couple on "monstrous" bodies that made me wish I had someone to discuss them with. That's probably my main problem reading academic works these days: I want a seminar to dissect them afterwards and I just don't have that.

The Sabbath: Its Meaning for Modern Man by Abraham Joshua Heschel. I'm trying to read something Jewish on Shabbat now and finally getting around to reading some Heschel after years of meaning to. I thought "oh, I'll start easy with something nice and short" - yeah, no, Heschel's got a very particular style of writing and there's a lot of theological depth packed into a very short volume. I'm looking forward to reading The Prophets, though.

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun vol. 5 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. I think we're juuuuust about caught up now with the official translation to where I started reading the machine translation, so I'm very excited for (a) things I don't remember as well (b) reading it not in machine translation. Also looking forward to everything about what happened with Nangong Liu and Nangong Xu making more sense this time around, on account of not reading it machine translated, because I didn't follow it so well on my first read and I feel like I'm already doing better. (Though that could also be because it's a reread, no matter how different an experience of one.) Still feel real bad for Ye Wangxi, on so many levels. Mark that one down for 'characters I'd love to know more about what they're thinking.'

The Water Outlaws by S.L. Huang. I really enjoyed S.L. Huang's other work with the Cas Russell series, and I liked this book a little less than those. It felt like an almost winner, for me. Certainly I read through it quickly enough, and I can say I enjoyed it, but I'm not sure I'd give it an enthusiastic recommendation. It falls somewhere in the middle between "a fun action/adventure story" and "something I can sink my teeth into" in a way that didn't quite satisfy either itch. Still, it did make me curious about the source material, which is one of the Chinese classics (Water Margin) and I might go and find a place to read that, if I can; if I'd had that background going in I wonder if my experience of this work would've been more edifying.

--

I'm currently rereading A Memory Called Empire so I can (finally) read the sequel (A Desolation Called Peace); I also checked out from the library the next two Scholomance books so I'll be reading those. I'm going to try to throw some nonfiction somewhere in there (maybe The Genius of Birds by Jennifer Ackerman, which I also have out from the library, but maybe something else), but I've still got the sequel to The First Sister sitting on my shelf (also from the library).

Outside of that I've got no big reading plans - I'm working my way through some of the unreads on my own shelf (despite what it may look like, about the library books) and eyeing The Doors of Eden by Adrian Tchaikovsky or a reread of Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennett so I can continue that series.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 킹덤/Kingdom.

Kingdom is a 2019-2020 Netflix series set in Joseon-era Korea, following the collaborative adventures of an exiled prince, a country doctor, and a scrappy mercenary who's pretty much the only one in this entire zombie outbreak who has a damn gun.

I have very complicated feelings about zombie media. See, in case you hadn't noticed, horror movies are never actually about what they're about. And a whole lot of modern zombie stories wind up being a) metaphors for fears of immigration by mindless subhuman hordes hell-bent on infecting the good, pure people, b) white male fantasies about how the downfall of civilization will put them back on top again and then all you DEI people will be sorry! and/or c) ways to let your protagonists just kill the shit out of a whole lot of humans but it's okay because they're not really human. Soooo yeah. A lot of zombie-flavored things I like, I have to like them despite all that.

But Korean zombie media tends to avoid a lot of these issues. (Maybe because Korea's experience with invasion is less Fox News Lies About Scary Brown Migrant Caravan Again and more [long list of actual historical incidents]? Who can say!) Kingdom is no exception. It's smart zombie fiction, where the zombies are mostly here to make the already-complicated mundane geopolitical situation just that much more of a fucking nightmare.

This is a bloody, violent, grimy, often downright gross drama, so if you're squeamish, you may want to pass on this. If you're into horror, though, and into zombie horror especially, go on and sink your teeth right into these five reasons I think you should watch it.

1. No one here has ever seen a zombie movie

You know how one of the frustrating things about watching a zombie property is seeing a bunch of otherwise competent, regular people act like they had all their cultural awareness of zombies surgically removed, down to making up cute words that aren't "zombie" to keep from saying the word "zombie"?

Everybody in this show has the excuse that they are living several centuries before even the possibility of zombie movies.

This story starts out pretty standard for a historical drama: a sick king, a pregnant queen, a crown prince in a precarious position, questions of succession, accusations of treason, wealth and class dynamics oppressing the poor, shady backroom politics -- you know, the usual stuff. And it never stops being about all that! It just also has zombies. Evil bastards don't stop being evil just because decomposing hordes are breaking down the door. In fact, that just makes them worse! And our heroes are at ends because they have no natural immunity to the genre they've walked into.

Sure, there are some moments of comic relief, but for the most part, Kingdom plays its premise absolutely straight-faced. How would 17th-century Koreans deal with a bunch of walking corpses? With period-appropriate tools, tactics, and mindsets!

In your standard modern zombie setup, everybody has guns, and then some special badass rolls in with a katana and everyone oohs and ahhs. In Kingdom, the wealthy have swords, the common folk maybe have farm implements, and there's one measly matchlock rifle in the party. For a few lucky headshots, you've got archers. For everyone else, things are about to get real up close and personal.

The characters also have period-appropriate worldviews that both inform their reactions to the problem and are frankly bizarre by modern standards. What if you had to deal with zombies in a place with cultural taboos against dismembering or burning dead bodies? What if people felt compelled to treat the corpses of peasants differently from corpses of nobles? What if the scholars won't act in their own defense because it's insulting to ask them to wield weapons? What if you can't ask certain important people certain questions because it's literally treason to do so?

The real moral of Kingdom is that there's not a situation so bad that devotion to Confucian principles can't make it worse.

2. That scrappy bastard

I'm not going to play favorites here-- Wait, what am I saying, of course I am. It's Yeongshin.

You know how, in any given zombie movie, your hapless protagonists survive because early on they find a party member who's about ten levels higher than they are? That's Yeongshin. He's cagey as hell about his shady past -- to the point where we don't even learn his actual name -- but he's going to come in real handy here, because he is also the aforementioned only guy with a gun, and he fucking knows how to use it.

And okay, I'm exaggerating about the gun shortage, but not by much. Firearms are rare, you need training to be able to operate them, and no matter how good you are, they still take time to reload after each shot -- if they even fire at all. (Also, ignore the part where everyone's aim is far better than shitty matchlock rifling should allow.) Guns are not the go-to weapon in this zombie situation. You can't just shove a bunch of pistols in everybody's hands and count on at least a few lucky shots. You could amass all the period-appropriate firepower you wanted, but without specialists, it'd be useless.

Yeongshin is fueled by some very reasonable guilt, since, uh, a nonzero amount of the shit that goes down is kiiiiiinda his fault. But I love that instead of giving him a death wish, it makes him even more determined to survive and do what he can to mitigate the fallout of his unintentionally terrible decisions. He knows he's far more useful alive, so to hell with taking the easy way out. Whether his opponents are living or undead, he's going to make them wish they hadn't messed with him.

This is a good place to note that the whole cast is great, from the thunder-voiced head of the evil family to the prince's wife-guy manservant to the doll-faced bitch queen. And obviously Ju Jihoon and Bae Doona are captivating every second they're on the screen, because they are absolute acting powerhouses and I love to watch them work. His Prince Lee Chang and her physician Seobi are compelling, memorable main characters who perform the important zombie-movie function of being the people you care about when they get put into dangerous situations.

But I walked away from this unable to stop thinking about Yeongshin. Bare-headed in a world of very meaningful (and often very silly) hats, he's feral and bitey and completely unfit for polite society. So of course he's going to wind up side-by-side with the second most you-need-to-be-respectful-to-him guy in the land.

More than anything, I love watching him work. He's a very physical character, but all his stats are in speed and agility, so he will just literally throw himself full-body against doors or into fights and let his momentum do the work. His actor, the handsomely exhausted-looking Kim Sungkyu, brings such a great physicality to the role. Yeongshin may be the Gun Guy, but he's not sniping from the back row. He's right there on the front lines, pulling off stunts none of the other characters would dream of trying. I cannot stress enough what a delight his action sequences are. It's such a good visual counterpart to the zombies, who also have no sense of bodily self-preservation.

And speaking of the zombies...

3. Zombie rules

I find that Korean zombie properties are the best in particular at zombie physics. Their directors seem very interested in pondering exactly what the weight of that many bodies would do. The answer is usually pretty gruesome and visually fascinating!

Kingdom's main use of zombies is by volume. While there are a few (memorable!) one-on-one scenes, the show delights in seeing just how many zombies it can fit in the frame. The danger is always from the sheer number of hostile bodies. You can use those numbers against them, if you're clever, but wait too long and you run the risk of being completely overwhelmed.

I've seen some people criticize the zombie extras by accusing them of not moving like zombies, which is the kind of nonsense you say when your only exposure to zombies is Slow Zombies. Kingdom's zombies are Fast Zombies -- they don't shamble, they swarm. They all just plow on full speed ahead until something stops them, and they definitely don't watch where they're going. Those extras do some incredible work flinging their bodies over obstacles and into solid objects. I sure hope one of the benefits of all that voluminous period-appropriate costuming is how much good padding you can probably stuff under there.

Continuing the thought exercise about what a 17th-century zombie outbreak would look like, Kingdom does some clever things with putting humans and zombies alike in situations you wouldn't find in the modern world, ones made possible only by the time period. I really like that it never forgets that part of the fun of this whole enterprise is making the best of the social and technological concepts that would have been present then. It doesn't feel like a modern zombie movie with incidental hanbok -- it actually makes the most of what a rural medieval setting both gives and takes away.

The rules Kingdom makes for its zombies are also an interesting take. You, the modern viewer, know how zombies work in general, but you don't know all the quirks of these zombies in particular, so you're learning at the same time the characters are. And sometimes you learn wrong! Sometimes you have to rewrite your whole strategy because you realize at a critical moment that both you and the characters misunderstood something very badly.

...And yeah, okay, it plays a little fast and loose with those rules sometimes, but so what? You know how this works! You know that the lead actors will dodge more and get bitten less than the random extras will. You know that named characters will last longer than their NPC counterparts. If you're going to hold that against it, maybe horror movies aren't the thing for you. Go do a Rubik's Cube or something.

4. The parts without zombies

Plenty, plenty of people have made the Game of Thrones comparison, which ... yeah, sure, I can see it. It wouldn't have been my first thought, but I get where people are coming from. And you know what, if you're a Game of Thrones enjoyer, you'll probably like this too. It hits a lot of the same beats and has a lot of the same vibes. It's kind of like if you shrunk Game of Thrones in the wash, until there were only two warring families and not a conlang in sight.

This show isn't historically accurate to the letter -- think of it more as AU Joseon-Era Korea, where specific people are fictional but the larger context is more or less the way things would have been. You never get given a specific year, but from technology and various context clues, you can kinda narrow it down to the 1600s. It never commits to a single year, though, which dodges a lot of nitpicks. Its fictional aspects are nice, too, because that means you don't have to know any real history at all. The show will give you all the information you need to understand the campaign setting, just in case your knowledge of medieval Korean dynasties is not up to snuff.

The conceit of the series is that some very specific devious political backstabbing and corruption has been happening since before the show began, making everything vulnerable to catastrophe. Unsurprisingly, the sudden appearance of zombies does not magically mend those rifts and make everyone come together! In fact, the reason the zombies are happening at all is related to these treasonous power plays, and while we never learn the full story (see my later note on the drama's ending), we get a whole lot of it. And it's a good, complicated reason! Here we return to the idea that zombie movies are always metaphors for something else. Set against the backdrop of multiple Japanese invasions during this period, Kingdom sure does have some things to say about the dangers of considering certain lives disposable in the service of the greater good.

I will be the first to say that IT TURNED OUT MAN WAS THE REAL MONSTER ALL ALONG storylines are tedious, so I'm glad Kingdom didn't decide it needed to beat that drum. The truth is, nobody's surprised when the bastards who have treated other people like shit all their lives continue being bastards in a crisis situation. It's the Joseon Dynasty. Everybody's locked into a rigid neo-Confucianist hierarchy. They don't need an apocalypse to reveal how much the people at the top would sell them all for a single corn chip. They've been clear on that one for a long time.

What this means is, if you're not traditionally someone who goes in for zombie horror, but you like a good political thriller and can roll with some supernatural elements, you might consider giving this one a shot anyway! It's not some hugely complicated and sophisticated plot, but it's still plenty to chew on. (See what I did there?)

5. Time to spend that Netflix money!

This show is gorgeous. It looks beautiful and it sounds beautiful. It's shot beautifully against beautiful sets and even more beautiful landscapes. Everyone's wearing beautiful costumes. What little CG there is is even beautiful. It's just visually a treat.

Light is such an important part of the show that I can't not comment on Kingdom's use of it, production-wise. The show is often shadowy as hell, but in a high-contrast way, as opposed to the awkward near-blackness of so much prestige TV. Even when it's dark enough that faces and details are obscured, there are still light sources that provide visual interest. Besides, I'll cut it some slack because it is a horror property. You should be watching it in a dark room anyway! And sure, there's some awkward day-for-night stuff, and transitions around sunset can be downright goofy, but if that's the worst of the jank we have to suffer through, it's fine.

As beautiful as it is, it's also very ugly. The story takes place over a period of time so short that barely anyone has time to change their clothes, much less take a bath. The grime just accumulates: sweat, dust, mud, sewage, smoke, spit, and all kinds of blood and viscera. By the time the story's done, everyone looks realistically beat to shit. (Bless those poor makeup artists, having to keep such close track of all the damage characters have suffered.)

I feel as though I should note for context that while I'm a horror movie fan, I'm still pretty squeamish when it comes to gore. I made it through Kingdom okay, but there were definitely parts I had to watch through my fingers. It hits the realism middle ground that gives me the wiggins, where it's neither absurdly chaste about bloodletting nor dumping comedic buckets of corn syrup on the actors. It suits the tone of the show perfectly! Just, you know, if you're a little tender (like I am), be ready to look away from the screen sometimes.

Korean historical dramas sure do have a real advantage on the wig front, in that most everyone is wearing some kind of historically appropriate hat or headband that covers the places their wig joins. And then you have Yeongshin, who looks so good all shaggy because that's clearly at least mostly Kim Sungkyu's real hair.

I've seen a lot of shitty low-budget horror in my day, sure -- but I've also seen a lot of shitty high-budget horror, where a production has a lot of money and spends it all on exactly the wrong things. Kingdom uses its funds wisely. It's not extravagant (except for the queen's amazing outfits). There are practical effects aplenty and some beautifully framed shots. It gets a little gimmicky with the camera work in season 2, but you know what? It's fun! The gimmicks are action-movie fun, and I will not criticize something for having fun in the midst of some otherwise grisly subject material.

It's also got great rewatch value. There are just enough secrets running throughout that going back for a second viewing makes a lot of things make more sense -- in, of course, a horrible way! But that's just the way we like it.

caveat: Beware of cliffhangers

The show is two seasons long, and it's clearly set up in expectation of a third season ... which never happened. What did happen was a separate, largely unsatisfying movie that tells the backstory of the cool character you meet in the last ten seconds of the last episode.

But that's it. There was also a prince-focused prequel planned, but that got scrapped before production even began, and that was four years ago. I'm not holding out much hope that we'll ever get anything more from the Kingdom universe.

I am not super-bothered by this, though, and here's why: The two seasons are enough to wrap up the main political plot. Most of what's left is zombie lore, and I am so bored by zombie lore. Still, would I have watched these characters roll around in that zombie lore for another six episodes? Without question! Are there loose ends I wish had gotten resolved? You better believe it! Do I want to know what the super-duper secret behind the zombies is? I sure do!

But I also don't feel like I got cheated out of an ending. Those two seasons hang on a story that's 90% the political succession crisis and 10% figuring out where on earth this whole zombie thing came from. That means what you get feels like 90% of an ending, which is pretty damn good by my standards.

Still, it's enough of a bummer that I feel I should give a little heads-up about it -- working, as I always do, on the principle that something can't disappoint you if you know it's coming. If you go in with the right mindset, you can be happy with what you get while not being sad about what you don't. And what you get in Kingdom is, in my little horror-loving opinion, worth it.

(Also, am I giving it extra credit points for how it did not sink my ship? Buddy, you better fucking believe I am.)

Ready to watch?

Netflix money means Netflix. It's got two seasons, and then you can make the decision about how much you care about the movie. I found it mostly disappointing with a few really cool moments, so it's your call if that's enough to justify your watching it.

The series itself is a pretty quick watch, too -- twelve episodes total, all 30-50 minutes long once you skip the opening and closing credits. You can blow through the whole thing easily in a single weekend, which is not something you can say about your standard Korean television season of sixteen hour-long episodes.

And then pretty please come back and do fan stuff for it! I couldn't find exactly what I wanted so I had to write my own. One Quiet Night remains one of my comfort fics that I self-soothe by rereading, which may be a weird thing to say about a smutty gay fanfic about a violent zombie drama, but hey, we all make our own fun.

Also, I know I usually end these with a cute behind-the-scenes photo, but this promo video is too adorable to leave out, so we're going with it instead. It's slightly spoilery for season 1, but not in a way that makes sense out of context. And if you didn't have a crush on Kim Sungkyu already, well, you will after this!

[science-lings]

Totk Theory: The Sages, the Dragons, and the Zonai

Ever since botw I've been interested in where the champion's powers came from. With totk, that question was answered, or was it? Sure, each sage has an ancestor who had the same abilities, but both Dinraal and Farosh have corresponding powers to existing sages despite being draconified Zonai. (see the stiff white hair with glowing sections, long ears, and thick stubby eyelashes)

Rauru's stubby little horns are also pretty dragon-coded

But, how could that be? the Sages of Fire and Lightning aren't Zonai, and there are no more instances of repeating abilities. Except with Zelda inheriting her power over Light from Rauru, her Zonai ancestor. Despite looking nothing like a Zonai herself.

Rauru and Mineru were the last of the Zonai, or at least, the last 'pure' Zonai. Rauru and Sonia had to have a child to continue the royal like to the point where Zelda contained both of their kinds of magic. Who says that the Zonai of 'long long ago' didn't get friendly with the other races, most notably, the Gorons and the Gerudo.

This could also explain why there are a few notable Gerudo in the past with gray skin, a very uncommon trait to have. Perhaps that's why Ganondorf is even able to obtain and utilize the secret stone in the way that he has, because he's got Zonai blood, more than most of the sages, or at least the ones with useful magic. (let's be real, being able to turn yourself into a ghost wouldn't be the best power to have in a fight.)

Perhaps that's why Farosh flies the length of the Gerudo Highlands, getting as close as she dares to the desert that she may have once called home, and why Dinraal coasts by Death Mountain's foot. perhaps there was once a bloodline that carried the power of ice in Lanayru, maybe it stayed dormant in some sheikah inventor that incorporated their power into the sheikah slate. (good idea for an oc huh)

I just think it's odd that we're meant to believe that the Zonai just... died out. We're led to believe that they were godlike and mighty and full of magic, but also able to disappear without much explanation. But maybe they didn't die out, they just became a part of Hyrule, a part of her people. Maybe there weren't many of them to begin with, and they connected with the people around them. Leaving only Rauru and Mineru as the last of them left who could be considered fully Zonai.

This could also explain why the Heroes aspect looks so funky, bc they're part Zonai, part... something else, or many something else's, something with a lion tail that has the little poof on the end. The Ancient Hero is supposed to have existed long after the zonai (Rauru and Mineru) died off, in the time of the first calamity, but they're still very obviously closely related to the Zonai.

TLDR: Hyrule is absolutely full of people who would procreate with alien dragon people and it has some funky effects on their descendants.

also disclaimer: I don't mean to make the whole Zonai bloodline kind of thing sound so eugenics-y, I know the wording isn't perfect on this post but I'm also not sure how else to word it, so just know that I don't mean to offend anyone or sound weird when it comes to fantasy race intermixing. This is genuinely just a theory for fun and I don't want to sound rude to anyone.

[2demondogs]

It's a Gas | Hosea/Dutch & Arthur

Tags: Young VanDerMatthews and Arthur, father-son bonding and father-father bickering, drabble. Words: 932 A/N: From Kinktober SFW list, tying a tie except not really but IDGAF bc it did blossom from that prompt and I'm 2 fics behind rn.

It's both surprising and not that they've skirted the issue of getting Arthur a suit for this long.

There aren't many occasions where either of them need one, to Dutch's dismay and Hosea's moderate relief. If he'd known how exhausting getting the boy fitted for one would be, he would've planned on accompanying Dutch to the dinner instead.

Now, he's busy picking at the horse hairs that cling to the seams of his only pair of untorn slacks instead of smacking his hand hard into the gut of the oaf sitting next to him in the fitting room. They've already argued about whether Arthur should get a suit to grow into or not, which Hosea's more reasonable but less well-fitted answer of yes won.

My son and I, Dutch told the railroad owner. There's little choice given by the crow's feet at Hosea's eyes and the clear lack of relation between them. If there were, he would've corralled them all back out the door at the price of the thing, let alone the keen feeling of being a wet rag that eventually comes over him while accompanying these two fools on any trip.

Maybe it's only his imagination, but he thinks that Arthur is growing to look more like Dutch every day. In the cheeks and nose, at least, though Arthur's were granted to him by starvation and a fist fight respectively. On days where he doesn't care to give into affectionate fantasies, he tells himself it's just their dark hair.

Dutch says they have the same eyes; Hosea believes he's trying to force him into a matriarchal role. He won't think about how softly his man says it, nor how softly he feels about the menial truth in it.

Despite the clear sour expression on Arthur's face as the tailor took his measurements and made idle chatter with Hosea and Dutch — completely ignoring the boy, which he seemed to loathe even more than the conversation the man had first struck with him about nonexistent girlfriends and wives — he feels something he cannot name. It is warm and unfamiliar, a little hard to swallow when it climbs in his throat from the boughs of his chest.

Pride, or something even kinder.

Hosea has lorded the fact Arthur looks to him more often over Dutch's head since they began dragging the kid around, those years ago— and here he looks at him now, because the tailor has asked him if they've got a special occasion. Panic is brief on his face.

"Nothing special," Hosea lies easily. "A dinner for Yale alumni. He's old enough to start networking. Right, son?"

Arthur just nods. The tailor looks quite pleased to present his work to such a crowd. Dutch smiles knowingly, because this is one of the oldest backstories they've concocted.

"Yale? Which of you gentlemen?" The tailor asks, clearly glad for polite conversation that isn't about the weather or the scrappy teenager that looks like he wants to bite him.

Good Lord, Hosea realizes. He will need to talk to Arthur about not making that nasty of a face in view of the public.

"Both," he answers. "1865."

"'76," Dutch adds.

Another, impressed nod precedes banal talk of office locations, business relations, and notable gossip — cue the I can't say much due to client confidentiality, but you may have heard of... and then one of the many other false tales they've cooked up over a campfire while half asleep. The tailor now believes that they are their own lawyers, for their own crimes; he is not the first person they've fooled with in this way, but Hosea does take a particular enjoyment out of this fellow's overzealous reactions to gruesome details like a one-hundred dollar paycheck and a severed hand.

Oh, how easy it is to make a life when you've only got to live the most exciting half of it.

The atmosphere begins to change once questions are asked about the suit. Predictably enough, it is never anything besides the heart of a matter that hurts when it comes to cooperating with a man like Dutch.

Mother's eyes, please God, mother's tongue, too, Hosea thinks, and he is sorely misguided in hoping Arthur would make things any easier, given his age.

"He'll be sweltering," Hosea insists when wool is suggested for the fabric, and Dutch scoffs, waves a hand at where Arthur is stood on the tailor's podium awkwardly and without direction.

"When have you ever been comfortable and presentable?" He asks, as if he's got a real hail Mary.

"Quite often." Hosea glares at him, earns one right back. "Linen or cotton, man. Please."

"Linen is too cheap looking," Dutch stabs. Hosea's suits are usually linen, because his blood runs too hot for comfort beneath woolen layers. "Cotton it is."

"Blue cotton?"

"Jesus, no," Dutch says. "Are you insane? Dark grey is much more refined than blue."

"Why does the colors even matter?" Arthur pipes in.

"Say 'why do' not 'why does'," Hosea corrects, barely even realizing he's doing it. He rubs the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "You two are like herding cats."

"Maybe he's just wondering," Dutch says, because apparently nothing can go without a rebuttal now.

Arthur disagrees immediately. "No, I think this is stupid. I don't care what color this thing is."

"Arthur, watch your mouth," he sighs.

"Sorry," Arthur says. "I think it's ridiculous. Is that better?"

The two older men share a look. Christ, is he genuinely asking? Hosea's eyes ask, and Dutch's answer: He looks like he's genuinely asking.

Blissfully, the tailor remains silent.

[theresattrpgforthat]

Got anything that lets you play as monsters (vampires/monsters/etc) in the modern world in the vein of VTM? Ideally something in the PBTA/FITD area of system, but open to others for sure (: Thanks as always for your recs!!

THEME: Urban Monsters

Friend, the difficulty with this post isn’t that I don’t have recommendations for it - it’s that I’m trying to find recommendations that I haven’t talked about ad nauseam to this point. So I hope you don’t mind a fairly extensive “Past Recommendations” at the bottom of this post, because most of the PbtA games I know of are going to be there. I have limited experience with Vampire: the Masquerade, but I’m a big fan of Changeling: the Lost and other World of Darkness games, so I’m going off of general knowledge rather than specifics.

Bubblegum Vampires / Bubblegum Wizards 2, by Gormengeist.

You're a vampire in an infinite urban cauldron of muck and rot, of psionics and wizards, of danger and shadows. Though you are surely terrible, great, horrifying, (etc.), half the day is an enemy to your people; so set forth through the night to make your coin, secure your dwellings, and vanquish your infinite enemies.

You're a wizard who chews bubblegum and collects trading cards. That is to say, cards with the trapped souls of items and enemies within, obviously. An insignificant wizard in an infinite city has lots to prove and you've got to get help somehow. Break heads, steal money, drive stupid, chew gum, trap souls. Simple as.

Neon-Bright art and d6-based rolls, that’s what’s common across both of these games. This is the same world, but you’re living in two different spheres of it, depending on which game you play. As wizards, you collect spell cards that hold the souls of creatures you’ve vanquished, and use them to get yourself out of sticky situations. As vampires, you accrue vampiric powers through blood sacrifice, and your opponents are usually folks with especially tantalizing veins. Both games have various factions that have different goals than you, so if what you like about Vampire: the Masquerade is the amount of different ideologies that have the ability to fuck you up, you might like this game. Thematically, it looks a little more upbeat and pulpy than your typical V:tM game, but if you like one, you have another game in the same system ready to go.

The Hidden, by Dragons Are Real.

As children our parents read us fairy tales, ghost stories and recounted local myths. We’ve always assumed these stories are told to entertain or scare….what if these aren't just stories….everything you have been told is true. 

The creatures from fairy tales, mythology and folklore all exist.  Have you ever thought you saw something strange out of the corner of your eye but when you look again all looks normal. These creatures live in plain sight, unseen by the majority of people, only those who know they exist see them in their true form. Every culture has a name for these creatures but we know them simply as The Hidden.

The Hidden is a modern urban fantasy game powered by the Breathless RPG. It is inspired by such media as Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Constantine and The Dresden Files.

Another pulpy sort of game, the Breathless system that powers The Hidden is great for replicating diminishing resources, putting your characters in more and more difficult situations every time they pause to take a breath. This makes this game great for horror-style stories, and World of Darkness games firmly find a home in the horror genre. If you want something that’s fast-paced and can cover a lot of ground in a short session, The Hidden might be for you.

Tween Wolf, by Ibi Deficit Orbis.

Tween Wolf is a micro-RPG about middle schoolers experiencing both the fantasy of being exceptional, and the fear of being humiliated. As these kids come to terms with their awkwardly developing human bodies, they will also be faced with lycanthropy. And in the process they will experience supernatural heroism and intense shame—and learn to manage both.

It is designed to be played with a bent towards exploring the unforgiving social cruelty of middle school, self-image, and dysphoria. It requires one Game Master, 1 to 4 additional players, a few hours, one six sided die for each player, and two additional six sided dice for the table to share.

This is a very short game, with very few rules and a big focus on trying to keep your wild side under wraps. If what you like about WoD games is the struggle between the monstrous and the human, this might be the game for you. There’s not nearly as many big moral quandaries as there are in typical WoD games - you’re middle schoolers, not eons-old bloodsuckers - but to a middle-schooler, your problems are massive. I feel like the movie Seeing Red might be a good touchstone for this game.

Glamour of Our Youth, by Yuri Runnel.

Glamour of Our Youth is a roleplaying game based on the Forged in the Dark system. Drawing inspiration from media like Riverdale, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Chilling Adventures of Sabrina among others, it works to tell stories of supernatural teenage adventures.

Building on the FitD framework, Glamour serves to tell exciting stories with high stakes, putting the youths through their paces as they try to make their way through a strange and hostile world, struggling with conflicts both internal and external, arcane and mundane. 

This game doesn’t cast your characters as specific supernatural beings, but the character options certainly make it possible. You cobble your character together from two different halves: Archetypes and Arcana. Your Archetype hails from classic high school cliques, such as Rebel, Outcast, Socialite and Athlete, while your Arcana details your supernatural ability, including Shapeshifter (which might translate to werewolf), Oceancaller (which you could turn into a selkie) or Shadow (which feels rather ghost-like to me). There’s also plenty of ways to play a teenage mage.

This game is in playtest, but it’s considerably far a long, with recent updates that indicate that the crew is hard at work refining the final product.

Protect the Child, by MintRabbit (that’s me!)

Humans have always been protective of their young, sometimes overly so. Humans have also always feared that which might make their young strange or different, and so insist that only humans can raise their own young. Monsters cannot raise human young. This is known. You have a human baby. You cannot find its parents. What is even worse, is that this child has powers, powers that others covet, and so everyone wants it. If you want to prove that you’re not the heartless monster that everyone says you are, that means you’ll have to raise it, at least until you find someone who is better suited to it than you.  You are creatures of fur, scales and fangs. You have claws that can rend flesh, faces that can crack mirrors, howls that can cause ears to bleed.  And your charge wants a blankie.

Protect the Child is a Forged in the Dark game about monsters caring for a young human, a human who contains strange and mystical powers that make them a valuable asset in any monster crew. The setting and factions present in this game are flexible: you might be aliens in a far-flung future galaxy, fantasy monsters from rival kingdoms, or even everyday wild animals that fear human society. 

So I’ve only just started play testing this game, which means that it’s very much in barely-playable mode. This game is also setting-agnostic, meaning that you can decide exactly when and where your game takes place - including as modern-day monsters trying to take care of a human baby with magical powers. The game is very specific in the themes of the story you’ll be telling - that is, themes about monstrosity, parenthood and responsibility, but if you all want to play different kinds of vampires, you can absolutely do that!

BloodLite, by ruan8000.

BloodLite is a role-playing game (RPG) designed to be played solo, but can be played in a group. In this game, you will create a Vampire following the rules and you will also create the world that this vampire interacts with, as well as the conflicts and obstacles that he will face. The world in BloodLite is like ours, but a little darker and more dangerous, full of supernatural creatures.

This game has no ties to PbtA or FitD, but it cites Vampire: the Masquerade as a direct inspiration, and you can see it in the Bloodline options available at character creation. You have a supernatural gift that give you advantages and also trigger your Hunger, which is your character’s thirst for blood. The goals of the game are represented through an Oath track, which fills when you fight enemies, overcome obstacles, and solve problems. This a fairly stripped-down game, but if you’re familiar with V:tM, then you probably won’t have a problem filling the world with factions, back-alley deals, and political wars.

Hearts of Yokai, by Lowell Francis.

So, this game isn’t out yet. But I can’t stop myself from talking about it a little bit. It’s the product of a Changeling:The Lost PbtA hack that Lowell has been working on for a very long time. I’ve been a bit fan of Changeling: the Lost and I also love PbtA games so I’m really excited to see more of this.

The link in the title leads to the current google spreadsheets that detail the current content of the game and the associated playbooks. The link for Lowell is to a blog post he wrote about the game, talking about the history, the changes he’s made, and the ideas behind what the current iteration is. What really intrigues me is how it incorporates "the actions of the Gentry through the lens of colonialism.” I’m really eager to follow the progress of this game.

Games I’ve Recommended in the Past

Urban Shadows 1e, by Magpie Games.

Bite Marks, by Black Armada Games.

Monsterhearts 2e, by Buried Without Ceremony.

Strays, by kumada1.

Eldritch Investigative Drama Rec Post

[aebi12]

"Resentment" - Chapter 16 [AemondxRhaena]

Summary

He is the cause of her sufferings. He took her dragon, her betrothed, and her father. Now, he will also take away her future by having to marry him.

With so much history and bad blood between Rhaena and Aemond, their forced union has everything to fail, except that the proximity will make them discover that perhaps they have more in common than it seems.

AU - the Greens win the war.

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15

Masterlist of my other works.

Tags: enemies to lovers, slow burn, romance, angst, drama, eventual smut, hurt/comfort

Please remember that english is not my first language, so I'm sorry for the mistakes...

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Aemond leaves first.

Having accepted her proposal for a truce, the prince is quick to rise and stand in a deft and graceful movement. Rhaena tries to do the same, but her knees feel sore after falling on them during their argument, so it takes her a little longer, but she eventually manages it too.

And, once they are both standing again, Aemond just nods in her direction and leaves the room, which Rhaena is grateful for, because truce or not, she needs space. She needs to think and clear her mind. She needs to calm her heart, still tormented by the fight with Baela.

She sighs and slowly walks out of the small hall, without any particular destination. Her twin probably fled to her room, so it is best not to go there. Not until she feels strong enough to face her sister. So Rhaena walks through the fortress, avoiding the main halls and corridors, instead walking through the corridors reserved for the servants and messengers who are clearly rushing from one place to another, all of whom are surprised to see her there. None of them, however, say anything to her. They simply greet her and go about their business, basically ignoring her. Which suits her just fine, because she cannot hold back her tears any longer. So, sitting on a windowsill, Rhaena cries. Her hands cover her face, but there is nothing she can do to hold back her sobs. Or to soothe the pain in her heart.

She had dreamed so much of her reunion with Baela. She had wished so many times to leave the Vale and go to Driftmark and see her sister again. But never in her fantasies had she imagined that she would speak to her with rage and disappointment. With so much indignation and reproaches. With so much pent-up resentment.

Did she say things that aren't true?

Rhaena wipes away her tears and bites her lip so hard that she ends up tasting the coppery taste of blood, shaking her head, even though there is no one around her. No. Baela is not entirely wrong, but things are not as she’s painted them either. Rhaena is not… she is not an opportunist looking to rise in society. She had not wanted any of this.

Standing up, Rhaena heads back toward the busiest parts of the palace. She needs to talk to someone. She needs to let out her feelings or she’ll continue to cry uncontrollably and drown in her thoughts.

“Where is Lady Westerling?” she asks a maid.

“In her chambers, my lady.”

Rhaena thanks her for the information and heads toward the wing of the castle that houses the highest-ranking nobles. She soon reaches her friend’s room and knocks on the door, hearing Marianne’s voice from inside asking her to come in.

“Rhaena? What are you doing here?”

Rhaena walks over to her friend, who is sitting on soft cushions directly under the sunlight streaming through her window, apparently working on some kind of ornament she has in her hands.

“What happened to you?” she asks with a gasp when she notices Rhaena’s expression.

“Do I look that bad?” she tries to smile. Her face must be a mess. Her bulging eyes tend to swell after crying.

“You look sad,” Marianne replies, pushing the object she was working on aside and taking Rhaena’s hand, who has sat next to her on the cushions, “Do you want to tell me?”

Rhaena nods. That is what she came for. To find a friendly shoulder, “Baela and I had a disagreement.”

“Oh,” Marianne squeezes her hand, “It must have been something serious for you to be in this condition.”

Once again, she agrees, “She accused me of betraying the… the memory of my family, I suppose.”

“Why would she say such a thing?” she asks, her expression clearly confused.

“Because she interrupted Aemond and I when we were alone in one of the halls.”

“Still, it seems like an exaggeration on her part.”

“I suppose, from her point of view, the situation seemed more… intimate,” Rhaena blushes at the admission, “We were… I suppose we were very close to each other and it seemed as if he…”

Rhaena tries not to flinch at the memory of his light touch on her throat, though her hands instinctively close around the butterfly pendant. Marianne follows suit, her eyes seeming to light up with the glint of understanding.

“It was nothing, not really,” Rhaena continues, “But Baela has the impression that I harbor… I don’t know… feelings or something similar toward Aemond.”

“And is she right?”

Her friend looks her straight in the eyes, waiting for her answer. Rhaena considers her question. Her mouth wants to say a resounding “no,” but her mind seems to have doubts.

“No, of course not,” she says finally, though her voice cracks, “You know I am only friendly with him out of convenience. And Baela knows it too, she just does not like the idea, she thinks it will not do any good and that I am a traitor for even speaking to him or saying his name.”

Marianne remains silent for a moment and frowns, “There would be nothing wrong with it if your feelings changed.”

“What do you mean?”

“I am not blind, Rhaena,” she replies with a sideways smile, “Certainly whatever the prince felt for you seems to have… transformed.”

“No, no, Marianne, surely you are not implying that he could…”

“I am not implying anything,” she tells her, “I am just stating what I observe. At first, the prince seemed very irritated whenever he saw you, clearly resentful of your presence. Like when he invited you to that dinner at the Tower of the Hand and was terribly rude. And after everything you told me, I was afraid he might be cruel to you. But now… there is something new in the way the two of you interact when you are together. I noticed it at Lady Blackwood’s dinner. Also, it is clear that Prince Aemond is looking for you more often now. I caught him staring at you several times these past days.”

“You are imagining things,” she replies, her face flushing.

“Am I?” she shrugs.

Rhaena feels the weight of her gaze and thinks about her friend’s words.

“We get along better, yes, but that is mainly because I try hard to tolerate him than because he is… I don’t know…” her mind goes blank momentarily, “I do not have feelings for him. I could not possibly have feelings for him, there is too much bad blood between us and…” she shrugs, “Most of the time he just infuriates me. He is arrogant, controlling, and has no sense of humor.”

Liar.

“I saw you two laughing during that last dinner.”

“Yeah, well, just an isolated incident,” she asserts, “Aemond is…”

Smart. He takes your suggestions into account and trusts in your abilities. Plus, he defended you from your sister.

“Seven hells. This should not be happening,” she ends up whispering, “I should not be feeling whatever it is I am starting to feel.”

Rhaena drops down and lays on her friend’s lap, Marianne’s hand stroking her hair, comforting her, “As I said, I do not think what you feel is wrong. The prince will be your husband in a few days and perhaps this is your chance to build something good with him.”

“But he is my enemy,” she retorts, “I should not even consider the idea.”

“And you did not, it was others who put you in this situation. And as you said, you should try to make the most of it. Does it change anything if, in the process, you find peace and happiness?”

Rhaena shudders at the possibility, “With Aemond?”

“You are both Targaryen, it is in your blood, is it not?”

“You know well that is not the only impediment.”

Marianne sighs and they both remain silent for a few minutes.

“I should go find my sister and make peace with her.”

“Surely she is eager to do the same.”

“I hope so,” she says fervently, pushing herself up to a sitting position again, “I would not want her to leave Kings Landing without having this resolved first.”

“She will understand your reasons,” her lady-in-waiting tries to soothe her, “She is your sister and she loves you, that is obvious, Baela will not want you to spend the rest of your days bitter and trapped in a hate-filled marriage.”

Rhaena bites her lip, but nods, “I hope she sees it that way too.” Except there are the other things Baela had said. And unable to contain herself, Rhaena continues, “She accused me of wanting attention all the time and feeling superior for being friends with most of the ladies at Court.”

“That is not fair!” Marianne looks indignant, “You are not doing such things.”

“She was angry,” Rhaena retorts.

“She should not have said that to you, anyway. If the ladies like you, it is because you are charismatic and a good person, Rhaena. Besides, you are funny, clever and graceful. And you will be the future princess of the Court, it is only normal that you receive praise and attract attention. Not because you seek it, but because it is what you deserve.”

“Aemond said… Aemond said my sister resents all these things because she lost them. She should have been the crown princess and reigned alongside Jace. And she lost her dragon too. Now I am here at court with a new position, and I have my dragon beside me.”

Marianne frowns, “I suppose it must be hard for Baela, when you put it that way, but it does not justify her words. You grew up without a dragon, did you envy her for it? Were you cruel to your sister?”

“No, never,” she replies, “Though there was some misgiving and envy. Perhaps a lot,” she admits, “I wanted my father to notice me too. I wanted to have something to contribute to Rhaenyra’s cause.”

“Still, you were never mean. You never acted on those feelings. So, you do not deserve to be the object of your sister’s bitterness now that she is in your place.”

Marianne’s words fill her heart with relief, though it hurts at the same time to think that her sister could actually feel such dark emotions inside. Rhaena prefers to believe that everything Baela said was out of anger at the moment. It is better to think that way.

“I think I’d better go see her. I won’t have that much time once the tournament starts.”

“Of course”

Rhaena is about to stand up when her gaze catches the object Marianne had been working on before she was interrupted.

“What is it?” she asks.

“My favor,” she admits taking the token, a headband made of delicate little flowers, and showing it to her friend.

“It is blue,” Rhaena answers, examining the elaborate work, “It is not the color of your house.”

“No, but it is the color of Tessarion’s wings.”

Her friend blushes and Rhaena suppresses her smile. “It is beautiful. And appropriate,” she replies, handing her the ornament, “Daeron is going to love the color.”

“If he asks for my favor.”

“When he asks for your favor.”

***

Rhaena returns to her room and finds it empty.

Where is her sister? She cannot be gone, can she? Aemond had technically expelled her, but she would not leave without saying goodbye.

With a heavy heart, Rhaena goes to the closets and exhales a breath when she finds all of her sister’s belongings there.

More relieved, she drops onto the bed and closes her eyes. Her body feels strangely heavy and her limbs do not respond when she tries to move them. She just needs to rest for a minute. Just a minute and then she’ll go after Baela. But when consciousness returns to her and she opens her eyes, the room is pitch black.

“Baela?” she whispers into the darkness

“I am here”

Her sister’s figure steps out of the shadows until she comes into her field of vision and sits on the edge of the bed.

“Where were you?” she asks hoarsely

“Walking around the keep. I needed to think.”

“Yes, me too,” Rhaena nods, “Are you still mad at me?”

Her sister gives her a sad smile, “No, of course not. Are you mad at me? I said some very harsh things, I regret losing my temper and accusing you of being disloyal.”

Rhaena moves closer to her sister, “I do not want us to fight anymore. Please,” she asks softly, caressing her twin’s hands, “You are all I have in the world.”

Baela nods, a tear rolling down her cheek and she quickly wipes it away, “I agree with that. We must stay together at all times,” she brings their foreheads together, “Forgive me, Rhae, this place brings back unpleasant memories and feelings.”

“I know, but…”

“That is why it is best for me to leave,” she interrupts her

“What?” Rhaena pulls away from her sister, “No, no, you cannot leave. The wedding is in just a few days and I need you here.”

“Do you really need me?”

“Baela, please, of course I need you,” Rhaena looks at her, confused, “I asked Aemond to bring you here early because I miss you every day and I need you by my side.”

Her sister grimaces at the mention of the prince, “Your betrothed ordered me to leave anyway.”

“That was out of line. He cannot do that and besides, he already agreed that you must stay here,” she clarifies.

“Oh, did he? Do I want to know how you managed that?”

Her sister’s voice has a distinctly accusatory tone. Rhaena’s stomach clenches in nerves, but at the same time, part of her mind experiences frustration.

“Do not make this any harder, Baela. Take my words, I explained to you that it is better to…”

“Yes, yes, I know all that. And you are right,” she admits, interrupting her again, “But do not ask me to stay here to witness it. It makes me physically ill to think of seeing you enter the sept and say the oaths. I thought I could bear it, but I cannot. I’d better go back to Driftmark and not ruin what you have built here.”

“You will leave me alone then.”

“Alyn will be here in the morrow. He will be the representative of House Velaryon at the wedding and he will help you.”

“But I do not know him.”

“He is kind and knows how important you are to me, he knows well that he must support you at all times. He will enter the sept with you and, whatever you need, anything, he will be able to help you. We can trust him”

“I do not care for Alyn, I wanted you to be with me,” she says in a sad voice

“Look, Rhae, you were right. Acting like none of this bothers you is the best action course you can take for now,” her sister takes her hands, “I have been thinking and it is good that we have you in a position of influence and power in Court. So, continue with what you have been doing so far.”

“I already told you that I do not do any of this in order to have power.”

“You have it anyway,” she shrugs, “Stack it up because the time will come when we will need it. We have allies and more will join us, but for now, we must be careful.”

“I do not like what you are implying.”

“Do not worry about it now. I will not involve you in anything yet,” Baela denies, “It will be better this way. Just… be careful. And protect your heart.”

“Baela…”

“He will give you attention, maybe he will be sweet and protective of you, I do not know, but you cannot let it become real. Promise me”

“Promise you what?”

“That it will all be a farce. That you won’t fall in love with him. That you will be careful not to give him your heart,” she explains, “You are fragile because you are sweet and think everyone has honorable intentions, but the world is not like that. Men only want…”

“I know what men want,” she interrupts, “I may not have your knowledge, but I am not a fool.”

Baela smiles. A smile that reminds her a lot of their father’s. Rhaena sighs and hugs herself.

“Promise me, Rhaena. Let me go in peace at least in that respect.”

Baela fixes her eyes on her, her gaze anxious and there is clear concern in them. If making that promise will put her at ease, then she will do it without any problem. Besides, she is not in any danger of falling in love with Aemond. Not really.

“I promise”

Baela sighs, relieved and hugs her.

“I love you, Rhae, never doubt that.”

Then, she leaves her side and calls a maid to help them get ready for the night.

***

Four gold cloaks and two white cloaks form part of the procession that accompanies them to the docks.

As the carriage makes its way through the increasingly crowded streets, Rhaena can't take her eyes off her sister. Baela, for her part, looks through the curtains at the bustle of the city, seemingly indifferent to the fact that in a few minutes they will be going their separate ways again. The thought tightens her heart.

“The city seems more orderly than the last time we were here.”

Rhaena does not answer, and Baela does not press any further, although she does occasionally make a random comment. Until they stop by the dock and one of the guards helps them off.

“What ship is Alyn supposed to arrive on?” she asks as they follow one of the stevedores.

“The Queen Rhaenys, I assume,” she replies as she adjusts her cloak. Despite the sun, the morning is very cold, “I will take the Lady Baela back home.”

“Did he name a ship after you?”

“It seemed appropriate,” she replies with a shrug, but a smirk, “I hope you can visit me sometime. I know it is unlikely, but I would like to.”

“Maybe later.”

The Lady Baela is a huge, clearly new galley. Rhaena does not know much about ships, but one look at it is enough to tell how ostentatious it is.

“I would like some privacy to say goodbye to my sister,” Baela asks the guards following close behind.

The men seem to hesitate for a moment, but considering that the ship is still firmly tied to the dock and that the only other option for them to escape would be to jump into the sea, they relent.

Once they are a safe distance away from them, the playful smile Baela has been sporting all morning fades and her face becomes serious again. “We do not have much time, so listen carefully,” she asks, “One of your maids will bring you moon tea in due time and whenever the kinslayer summons you to his chambers. If you need more, just ask.”

“What?”

“Moon tea, Rhaena, is the tea to avoid…”

“I know what it is,” she cuts her off, looking at her in shock, “What I do not understand is why or… how you’ll get someone to get it to me.”

“I have told you, we have allies,” she replies, “Just drink it and do not let his seed settle inside you. You cannot give him a child.”

Her words sound harsh and her eyes bore into Rhaena’s, making her insides turn.

“I do not know if…”

“It is vital that you avoid giving him a child at all costs, Rhaena. You know that as well as I do.”

“But they will want to get rid of me if I don’t…”

“No, no, believe me, we are close to finding… just trust me. We will be okay,” Baela hugs her tightly.

“Do not go, Baela,” she asks one last time, even though she knows it is useless.

“I have to,” she replies, breaking the hug, “Alyn will assist you in whatever you need. Now you just have to focus on keeping up the farce. I have been doing some research and apparently the kinslayer does not enjoy being violent with women. I learned that he frequents a pleasure house on the Street of Silk, but they were all very secretive, the only thing I managed to find out was that he always visits the same woman.”

Rhaena tries to remain impassive at that information, although her heart is beating fast and a lump form in her throat.

“Maybe it is not all that horrible for you,” her sister ends up saying and her expression becomes one of sadness, “Hold on a little, Rhae, I will come back for you.”

She does not quite know what that means or what she wants to say, and she does not intend to find out either. She just nods and gives her one last hug before watching her leave. Rhaena remains on the dock until her sister boards the galley and waves her goodbye from the bow as the men cut the lines and are lost at sea.

Even when the ship is barely a dot on the horizon, she does not move. Her mind is frozen, repeating the information she’s just received. Does Aemond make a habit of visiting a brothel? Does he have another mistress there? A new Alys Rivers?

For what other purpose do men go to brothels?

The idea disgusts her and also fills her with rage. How dare he? Does he have no regard for his betrothed? For her?

“It is time to return to the castle, Lady Rhaena,” one of the royal guards says

She nods once more and returns to the carriage.

Perhaps your sister only said that to play with your mind, she thinks. Perhaps she is just looking to harden your heart towards Aemond.

Hadn’t Marianne told her that there were no rumors at Court about Aemond’s habits?

Even if there were, didn’t you say a while ago that it is only normal for a man to have lovers? Why would it bother you now that Aemond had them too?

Rhaena crosses her arms, frustrated and angry with herself.

“It does not matter,” she says quietly to herself, “Baela did not tell you anything you did not already know. Not really.”

But even though she tries to rationalize her feelings, the bitterness inside her only grows and hurts.

***

Aemond fiddles with the marble sphere as he listens to the Master of Coin.

“The tents are set, the horses ready, and the arena prepared for tomorrow’s tourney,” Lannister says, “Over fifty knights entered for the jousts and nearly forty for the melee.”

“All surely seeking glory,” Lord Hayford comments.

“And the golden dragons that the victors will get.”

Aemond nods. “What about the mood in the city?”

“The city?” Tyland Lannister seems taken aback by his question.

“Yes, Lannister, the city. What do the common people think of the tourney?” the prince asks again.

“Well, my prince…” the man looks at the others on the council.

“The city is clean and tidy, my prince” it is Criston Cole who comments, “We have doubled security so that the wedding guests can move around without fear. There have been no disturbances detected in the last few days. The inns are full, the taverns sell more ale than ever, and the blacksmiths have almost as much work as during the war. The people benefit from the presence of the nobles and their men in the capital.”

“Good,” Aemond sets the sphere back down, “Lady Rhaena had the idea of ​​distributing part of the royal banquet for the people. An idea I approved of, so I will leave it to you, Cole, to ensure that the delivery of the food is peaceful and that they are satisfied.”

“Of course, my prince,” his master-at-arms says immediately.

“It is a… a noble intention of Lady Rhaena,” Tyland Lannister looks curiously at Aemond, “One more way to please the people.”

“Indeed, Lord Lannister,” he states, “Anything else?”

“The last gifts from the North arrived a few hours ago,” Maester Orwyle says, “Lord Stark regrets that he could not come, but he renews his oath of loyalty to the Iron Throne and King Aegon. And also…”

“Also?” Aemond stares at him intently.

“Gifts arrived from Pentos,” the maester shifts uncomfortably in his chair.

“I do not recall extending an invitation to the Free Cities,” Aemond frowns.

“We did not, my prince,” Lannister assures, “Our agreement with them ended when the Triarchy became engulfed in its civil war. Once again.”

“The Prince’s message said that he is pleased that the new princess is a daughter of Pentos.”

“Mmm,” Aemond stands and paces slowly around the long table. He tends to forget the fact that Rhaena was born in the Free Cities.

“It would not hurt to cultivate this relationship with Pentos,” Lannister says, “The city prospered greatly in recent years. It might be useful in brokering some agreement to keep the pirates at bay.”

“I will think about that,” Aemond finishes, “Anything else?”

“Lord Alyn Velaryon has requested an audience with the small council”

“Is he here already?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

“He is currently waiting outside for you to let him in, my prince” Hayford nods.

What could Velaryon possibly want with the council? Aemond wonders. They do not have much in common. After the war his house remained loyal, staying out of the politics of the Seven Kingdoms and contributing what was agreed upon on time. There had been no new conflicts in the Stepstones either, so what was the bastard doing here?

“Let us hear from Lord Velaryon then.”

The guards open the double doors and a young man, whom the prince has only met a few times, enters. Alyn Velaryon, heir to Driftmark, strides forward to the chair at the end of the table and bows. Aemond notices his fine clothing, embroidered with seahorses. Unlike the last time they had met, the man now looked like a true noble. He even had the confidence of one.

No one would guess that he was a bastard, he thinks.

“My prince, my lords,” Velaryon greets

“Lord Alyn,” Aemond replies, “You requested an audience with the royal council.”

“Indeed, Prince Aemond. I know we all have important matters to attend, so I will be brief. I wish to marry.”

“That is fitting given your position, Lord Alyn,” Tyland interjects, “Surely you know that you do not need royal permission to do so.”

“I thought it only right to request one considering I plan to marry Lady Baela.”

There is a moment of silence among those present.

“Taking my cousin Baela as a wife? How convenient,” Aemond says, his good eye fixed on Alyn.

“I feel the same, my prince,” the man nods, “Lord Corlys wished me to care for Baela. It seems to me that taking her as a wife is the best way to ensure her well-being. Besides, she is a Velaryon as well. Surely, my prince, you understand as well as I do the importance of keeping Valyrian blood and traditions alive.”

Aemond does not respond immediately, only stares at him.

“You did well to seek royal approval,” he says finally, “Baela is a Targaryen. I will raise this matter with the king and then give you his answer.”

“Of course, my prince. I hope the king and this council remember that House Velaryon is an ally of the Throne.”

With a bow, Alyn leaves the room. Grand Maester Orwyle speaks. “Would it be wise to allow them to marry?”

“We should have foreseen this,” Lord Hayford comments, “No one is more suitable than Lady Baela to be the new Lady of Driftmark.”

“What we must consider are the possible repercussions if Lady Baela has a child. There would be those who would consider the child as a possible heir to the throne.”

“Who would dare?” Aemond asks, annoyed, “Such a possible child would be just another distant relative.”

Everyone shifts uncomfortably in their seats. Aemond knows what they want to tell him, but no one seems to dare for a moment. Not until Lord Lannister speaks.

“You know, my prince, that some lords bent the knee because they had no other choice. A child of the blood of Prince Daemon, grandson of King Jaehaerys, could cause… confusion.”

“Ridiculous,” he mutters.

“Unless you and Lady Rhaena produce an heir first,” Lannister continues, “A child between the two of you would have more legitimacy, his claim would be greater, and it would quell any…”

“Confusion?” finishes for him.

“Indeed, my prince,” Tyland nods.

Aemond fiddles with the dagger at his waist.

“I will speak to my brother. Until then, you are excused”

***

His mother is waiting for him in his private parlor in the Tower of the Hand.

“I did not know you were coming here,” Aemond says, “I would have hurried if I knew you were expecting me.”

“It is fine, Aemond. I thought we could go to the banquet together.”

Aemond just nods and approaches his mother, offering her his arm, which she takes. As they walk forward, however, the prince cannot help but wonder why his mother has suddenly decided to come looking for him. Did she wish for his company? The thought gives him a hint of satisfaction.

“I hear Lady Baela has already returned to Driftmark.”

Aemond nods, “She decided to cut her stay in the capital short.”

He does not plan on telling his mother about the altercation with Rhaena. It is best to keep it between the three of them.

“It is probably for the best,” Alicent replies.

On that I agree, Aemond thinks. He had been relieved at the news of Baela’s departure. He did not like the version his betrothed portrayed when she was around her twin.

“Alyn Velaryon asked for permission to marry her.”

“What?” Alicent gasps, stopping and causing her son to stop as well, “You cannot grant it to her.”

“I see no reason not to do so,” he replies, “Technically they are our allies, and he could marry her without royal permission.”

“I do not like it,” the dowager queen replies, “It bodes ill right now. It reminds me… it reminds me of the start of the war.”

Aemond gently strokes his mother’s forearm, pleased that she does not pull away from his touch, “Fear not, mother. Rhaena and I will do what is expected of us.”

At his words, Alicent raises her face towards him and seems to search for something in her son, “You seem more resigned to your future these days.”

“I understand the sacrifice expected of me.”

“And the importance of such a sacrifice.”

“Of course.”

“Good,” she sighs, squeezing Aemond’s free hand, “It is expected of all of us.”

Without another word, they advance into the royal hall, where the banquet welcoming the nobles invited to the wedding is about to begin.

The dowager queen immediately releases her son and takes up her role as hostess, greeting men and women with a cordial smile.

Aemond walks to the head table and looks for Rhaena, finally finding her standing next to a small group of giggling ladies.

Without thinking too much, he walks toward them, simply nodding to those who stop to curtsy for him.

“Lady Rhaena,” he calls as he approaches the group of women.

She turns at the sound of her name, her violet eyes locking onto him and a good-natured smile appearing on her face.

“My prince,” she greets

“A few words, cousin.”

She frowns, but nods, excusing herself to her companions and approaching Aemond.

The prince takes those few seconds to examine her appearance. Her petite figure looks elegant in a tight red dress with black detailing that accentuates her cleavage. His good eye lingers a little longer than necessary on the rise of her breasts before moving up to her face. Is it his impression or do her lips look more rosy tonight? And her perfume… her perfume overwhelms him when she is finally at his side.

“Well, cousin?”

There is a hint of annoyance in her voice and the way she is looking at him tonight. Aemond feels curiosity rising within him, “You seem angry.”

She raises an eyebrow at him, “Is that what you wanted to tell me?”

“I thought you enjoyed these kinds of events,” he retorts, “What is bothering you?”

“I do not know what makes you think something is bothering me,” she replies, trying to mask her clear annoyance, which amuses him. Aemond smirks and she narrows her eyes, “Why are you smiling?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Rhaena sighs and bites her lip, which distracts him for a few seconds, his gaze landing on her lips and causing that increasingly familiar feeling of desire he feels when he is in the company of his cousin.

“If that is all, I will rather go back to the ladies.”

“Were you aware that your sister plans to marry Alyn Velaryon?”

The question leaves his lips when he sees her back turned.

“What?” Rhaena turns back to him. From the look on her face, she clearly did not know either.

“What you heard. Your cousin Alyn asked the king’s permission to marry your sister.”

“Baela never mentioned,” she frowns, confused, “No, it cannot be true. My sister would have told me something”

“If they marry, it puts more pressure on us.”

“How so?”

Aemond does not explain his reasons because a voice interrupts them.

“Lady Rhaena.”

They both turn at once and are met by the figure of a tall man with light brown hair who is wearing a doublet with designs of three ravens holding hearts. Aemond does not recognize the emblem or the man, but clearly she does.

 “¡Corwyn!”

The prince watches a smile spread across Rhaena’s face. A genuine smile, not the forced smiles she reserves for him. Anger builds within him as she closes the distance between them, approaching the stranger and embracing him.

When he whispers something in Rhaena’s ear, his blood boils and his hand goes straight for his dagger. Who is this man who has such familiarity with Rhaena? Aemond glares at them both and she probably senses his scrutiny because she breaks the embrace and immediately steps away from him, moving her face between the prince and the stranger.

“Aemond, this is… this is Ser Corwyn Corbray, an old friend from the Vale,” Rhaena says.

“My prince,” the man greets in a respectful tone.

“Ser Corwyn, this is Aemond Targaryen, my cousin and…”

“Her betrothed,” Aemond states.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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Thanks for reading :)

[roughribo]

Hi, first of all I love your blog. Secondly, I have a question and I'm happy for any advice you may have. I'm a semi experienced sub, and I've recently started seeing a new guy.

He's a wonderful person all around, but very limited in his sexual experiences. He knows I'm into BDSM, but he has only had very vanilla sex before me. He's more than happy to try new things with me, but I'm struggling to articulate what I want in a way that he understands. He'll be rough with me and spank me and such, and is really good about checking in and making sure I'm ok afterwards, but I crave the deeper parts of a dom/sub relationship. And idk how to explain it to someone with no frame of reference.

Basically I'm wondering if you know of any sources I can show him that help explain the deeper parts of BDSM, that go beyond the physical, ya know?

Thanks again for taking the time to read this :)

Oooh, let me check my book pile. And before I do, one thing I have seen have a lot of success when I try to explain the appeal of nonsexual D/s dynamics to vanilla folks is the concept of being a leader vs being a follower. Some people are just more comfortable in a leadership role and some people just want to execute directions. Most people understand this, and I usually pivot to say that for me it's also a romantic component. Putting it in terms of leader vs follower and your romantic orientation seems to be an easy concept for most people to grasp.

I will also say that as a guy in a dynamic myself, one of the things that I feel most benefits me from being her dom is the clarity and peace I get from being the one setting the rules and expectations, so maybe it's possible you could try to appeal to a similar desire he has to have a happy peaceful relationship with you and D/s can be a way to achieve that. In my relationship we have lots of rules because we both crave structure in our day to day lives. Having a rule for you to follow is also one of the quickest ways for a guy who's newer to D/s to see the effect of his dominance and start to understand the level of control he has.

Now I don't know your specific relationship dynamic preferences, but me and my girl practice total power exchange. She basically has handed over the keys to let me control her except for a few things that are hard limits and that her having control over brings her happiness, like getting her nails done (unrelated but they're very pretty this month!). And yes, you can have limits in TPE.

So without trying to assume anything, one thing I do recommend, since he is familiar with being dominant and rough in the bedroom, is to ask for a rule for something adjacent to that. Like saying something like "hey I've been having this fantasy for the past couple weeks and it's a little embarrassing but I really want to try it, could you decide what panties I get to wear every day? It makes me feel good when I give up little bits of control to you and I thought you'd find it hot."

I recommend this rule or a rule of the same nature specifically because it's a good on-ramp to nonsexual D/s while still being somewhat sexual because of what's being decided on. It also just introduces to doms the concept of controlling aspects of a submissive that aren't inherently sexual in a healthy way while still tapping into their desire for sex appeal. That may naturally lead to him getting more curious about dominance, if he is so inclined.

There is always the risk that he's just not into it or he struggles to make it a routine. If it's the latter, you just need to be patient or adjust the rule so that you decide what you wear on days when he's not feeling up to it. A rule should never feel like a chore for long periods of time, that's usually a sign that a rule is not working out or a sign that one of you is depressed. If he's into it, be sure to show off his choice to him when you can as often as you like, encourage him to "inspect" that you followed the rule, and just really flaunt it in his face that HE chose this for you and that's what makes you happy. And try to branch out from there.

You should always have an in-depth conversation with him about what you want and your specific needs as a person who identifies as submissive, even though it can be a vulnerable and difficult thing to discuss. But I find having a trial run of a small rule like that especially helps when you want to open up about it because you have a direct and concrete example of something you can point to as a frame of reference for him and you can say "I want more of this in other aspects of my day to day life, would you like to try that with me and if you do, what does that look like to you?"

It's important to approach this as a team effort and not as solely focused on your submissive needs, it shows a willingness to work with him and cater to his needs too. He's much more likely to be receptive to it if you show you care about him and you approach it as members of the same team and not "I have to have this to be happy in a relationship" which doesn't give him any control or say in the matter, which is the opposite of what you want from him.

That's not to say you would do that, I don't know you anon, but I've just seen subs walk into the trap of having arguments with their dom and then they go "I offered him basically free sex all the time but now he doesn't want anything to do with me" because they tried to force their dom to have control over them, and that doesn't feel very dominant when it happens. As a dominant myself it wouldn't feel like I made the decision to take on control if it was being forced on me, even with the promise of free use, all the sex I could ever need, and doing whatever I want to them. It's got to be mutually desired by both individuals, so don't force it.

Geez that got long-winded. I really got to stop going on and on. Anyways, back to resources. I have been following a kink educator named Evie Lupine for years, she is very thorough in her videos and explores a bunch of different topics. She's more for people who are already into bdsm and power dynamic relationships, but I've had success in the past with showing vanilla folks in the past her videos.

And after going through my books I actually have a bunch of books I find are problematic. That's actually a big issue in the bdsm nonfiction space, there is a huge lack of resources, especially for the nonsexual stuff, and what is there is... questionable. The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy is probably the only thing in my personal collection that I can recommend with very few qualms and is beginner friendly. SM 101 by Jay Wiseman is good, but it's primarily focused on just the sex and scenes and is more intermediate in my opinion, despite the title. Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns by Philip Miller is a classic, but it's quite dated and there are some statements in it about "men and women's places" that may make you wrinkle your nose. However, I'd be remiss in not recommending it as a primer (not an in-depth guide) for how healthy and happy D/s and kink can operate.

Some other resources you may find helpful are Sex Nerd Sandra's many various podcasts and appearances, she's very good at breaking things down in very accessible terms, but I can't think of a specific podcast or lecture of hers to link at the moment. I would avoid any resources that fall into the trap of "one true way-ism" of doing bdsm. Those are almost always riddled with inaccuracies and it doesn't take into account the fact that bdsm relationships are designer relationships, you can have them so many different ways so long as you respect the people involved and safe consent practices are followed.

Hope this helps!