#be honest with women when you see them dating duds

[coochiequeens]

A Reddit where a woman was spared time and energy with a deadbeat because someone was honest with her.

This guy gets a new gf and decides to visit a family function so he could play loving dad.

The gf has been having doubts about the relationship and took a chance to get the sons side. When she was given information that confirmed her suspicions she dumped and was honest has to why.

Instead of accepting that he fucked up with his kids and is still a cheapskate he blamed the son for being honest. And implied that she wasn’t able to think for himself. Very few women dump a guy purely over what someone they just met said over a smoke break.

[angryhausfrau-writes]

I Travel Troubled Oceans: Chapter 19 - In Which Jack and Charles Secure Planning Permission and Max Micromanages

Mary had liked several of Charles's photographs of Jack and the workroom and the half-finished fashions enough to post them to Instagram. And she'd liked the photograph of Charles all decked out in silk and countless jewels enough to use it as the title page for a more formal press announcement of the upcoming fashion show. The word “DECADENCE” is emblazoned across a glossy version of the picture in a stark, masculine font.

And then, in slightly smaller font underneath: Jack Rackham – Fall/Winter 2009.

His name. His name. Not quite in lights, but there, for everyone to see. For everyone to know that he is the one who did this. That these accomplishments are his.

Not that he did it all himself, of course. Mary's role is obvious. Christine is indispensable. And it's Charles's face on the cover of his press release.

The may have called Charles his muse as a joke. It seems like the sort of thing a flamboyant fashion designer would call his favorite booty call. Just the right side of pretentiously obfuscating for the older guard who might not be ready for the party boy persona they've both adopted.

But the honest truth is that Jack's come to rely on Charles in a way he hadn't quite expected for this con.

It's not exactly in Chaz's wheelhouse, is the thing. But he's worked hard to learn skills outside bashing skulls, just as Anne has.

Not that he doesn't do plenty of that as well. And gotten some good information out of it. But he's more than the street thug he'd been for so long. And Jack can't say he misses those days – not when the days they have now are so much easier.

So much less full of fear and strife and poverty.

It's almost like an extended holiday, the way they live now. All getting to pretend they're rich and soft and genteel. Getting to walk among the special, the exalted, the beautiful people. The ones with titles and money and pedigree. The ones with names that mean something.

Well now Jack's name means something too.

And not through an accident of birth. Through cleverness and planning. Through luck, of course, but also through plain hard work. Something those gilded, pampered elite would never understand.

--

Charles has been given a slight reprieve in lugging armoires around. The old Hennessy house has been emptied of all the furniture, finally, and Mary's light rigs have all been installed. All the walls repainted and all the pictures of grand empty rooms taken.

But then Max sees the reaction the upper crust have to those pictures. All the ruined grandeur on display, just to be knocked over to make way for progress, for new ways of making money – they fucking love it, the rich brainless investment fuckers.

So now Max wants to take advantage of that greed she's awoken in the elitist twits in thousand pound suites. That desire for wealth, for faded grandeur, for a past of riches and glory and conquest. But brought into the future. Brought into the now. So they can pretend England isn't just some pretentious backwater with delusions of grandeur, with visions of glory (that was never all that glorious) long past.

So Mary decides, yeah, it would be a fucking great idea to do a little promotional photo shoot of all the models for Jack's fashion show in the house, before it gets demolished. Jewel bright clothes, sparkling gems, enough gold to sink a fucking warship, all juxtaposed – that'd been the word she'd used - all fucking juxtaposed against the backdrop of the ruined townhouse.

So Jack'd worked like a fiend to get the clothes ready. And Charles's break is over.

Now he gets to lug around garment bags and makeup trunks and jewelry chests and even more light rigs – all to be placed precisely where Mary dictates, and moved with the changing light or her changing whims. All that shit's fucking heavy. And Anne's no help this time because she's been set to wrangling all the models and making sure they're properly primped and preened and posed for the photos. All under Max and Mary's watchful eyes.

Cuz Max has apparently decided that she wants to have her hand in things personally.

Not that she hadn't kept things well in hand with Jack's other fashion show – finding the models, organizing the behind the scenes contracts. Setting Idelle up with Featherstone.

But now she's actually telling Mary how she wants the pictures to look. Or more specifically, that she wants some big fancy painting in all the shots. Not the whole paining, though. Just pieces of it. Enough to tantalize, to excite, but not to show the goods.

There's even a picture where the models are holding it at the front of the shot, but it's covered by a lacy black cloth, all except for one corner, which pokes out like a whore's ankle in some repressed 1700s pin up.

Charles thinks the whole thing's fucking unnecessary. Who gives a shit if there's a painting showing too much or too little in the shot? Why does he have to be the one to move it over and over again – sometimes millimeter by fucking millimeter – until Max deems it just right? He's got other things to do with his day, thank you very fucking much.

Like pretending to be Jack's ditsy muscular boytoy, and all the hours in the gym and gossiping by the pool that takes to maintain. He better get another fucking break when all this shit is over.

--

With investors sniffing at Max's skirts like rabid jackals, ready to rip each other apart for a chance at the Hennessy townhouse, Jack broaches the topic of planning permission to Councilor Featherstone. And he does it over dinner in a private room at a restaurant where the esteemed councilor could never have gotten a reservation – and especially not on such short notice. Because for all that he has power. For all that he attends all the right clubs – the same clubs Jack himself attends. Well, the councilor's a bit of a social outcast. A bit of a dud in the personality department.

Whereas Jack is all glib charm and meaningless flirtation. Jack knows how to play the sort of high society games that result in the private table on nearly no notice that the councilor is currently enjoying.

What is it they say? Always come to the negotiating table with the outcome already certain? Well, Jack's doing his damnedest to stack the deck in his favor. And if a little show of how well connected he is, how much more he belongs in this world of high-society fops and casual displays of obscene wealth, is what it takes to get Max her planning permission, then Jack will wine and dine Featherstone at the goddamn Ritz if he has to.

Although the slightly less-upscale, though no less entrenched in British upper-class hegemony, restaurant he's chosen for tonight seems to be doing the trick well enough. Councilor Featherstone is looking around with ill disguised awe.

If he were slightly more uncouth, Jack imagines his jaw would be actually agape at all the gilt and velvet and fine linens and sparkling crystal. As it is, it's more than obvious Jack has introduced him to a style of dining out that he's never experienced before. Perfect.

The entire point of this little excursion is to underline to Councilor Featherstone what a... fruitful... relationship they can have. All Jack's connections and wealth at the councilor's fingertips – and all he needs to do is pass the occasional planning permission for a project that otherwise may have languished in limbo for years. And to that end, Charles is doing his considerable best to bring the conversation around to where Jack needs it to go, namely planning permission for the Hennessy house.

A conversation that demonstrates that Charles has become considerably more subtle than Jack ever believed him capable of.

And perhaps that is an oversight on Jack's own part. Him never deigning to look past Charles's rough and unpolished exterior to hidden – really very well hidden – depths. Known for a straightforward style of smash and grab, Charles has really developed a mind for strategy of late. And something of a silver tongue, though it doesn't come close to rivaling Jack's own.

At any rate, Jack appreciates his efforts. Lord Hamilton may have been willing to come right out and ask for little favors, so assured of his power and his place in the London hierarchy he would eschew subtlety entirely - but there's such a thing as being too forward.

Jack finds that method rather gauche. And the last thing he wishes to be is gauche.

Plus, Jack would rather have the councilor's regard – his friendship, even if it is a tad one-sided – than his fear purchased compliance. Because fear may breed deference in the short term, but it leads to chafing at the yoke in the long run. And Councilor Featherstone didn't get to where he is today by being a complete pushover.

So Charles is sitting in this opulent private dining room, as the councilor sips champagne and enjoys expensive hors d'oeuvres, chatting to Idelle about a spa he went to with some of his “friends” from the health club. Which isn't even a lie. Charles had in fact attended a quote girls day unquote at an upscale spa courtesy of one of the women who lounges poolside and looks over her designer sunglasses at the tanned skin Charles is so very unconcerned with putting on display.

The fact that it was a nude spa may have had something to do with Charles being invited. But it sounds as if Charles had a nice enough time. Or at least he's talking it up to Idelle, who makes suitable sounds of impressed jealousy as the story unfolds. Commenting that she'd rather like to be taken to something like that – perhaps on a date?

Personally, Jack would pay enormous amounts of money to not see Featherstone in the alltogether – but Idelle is a consummate professional and lets no sign of displeasure at the idea show. Maybe Max ought to consider giving her a raise. Jack resolves to raise the issue once planning permission has been secured. Speaking of -

“The only thing,” Charles says, voice measured to ensure that Councilor Featherstone is paying the utmost attention. “The only thing I didn't particularly care for was how crowded the spa was.”

“Indeed,” Jack butts in, “that hardly sounds relaxing. Being surrounded by all the teeming masses.”

“Oh, the actual spa part was lovely. So relaxing after a long, hectic week...”

Jack can see Councilor Featherstone's scoffing disbelief that Charles could have anything resembling a hectic week – his schedule filled with nothing more than lounging in various decorous poses on various expensive surfaces, as far as the councilor is aware. But he has some long, hectic weeks at work...

“But as soon as you're back in the more public areas, all that work at relaxing and destressing – gone!”

“Oh, how terrible!” Idelle exclaims with just the right amount of dramatic disbelief.

“And it was supposed to be one of the more exclusive spa packages as well. You think money would go a bit further nowadays, is all,” Charles finishes. And now all that's left to do is set up the pitch...

Right on cue, Idelle chimes in with, “Too bad there isn't a more private spa. Someplace intimate.” The last is directed at Featherstone, who's blushing and looks primed for the sell.

“Funny you should mention that,” Jack says causally – but not too casually. That's the key. They have to think you're playing them a little so they won't look too deeply at how you're actually playing them. “I happen to have a friend who's looking to start up a little boutique hotel spa. You know where the Hennessy townhouse is?”

The councilor nods, although Jack doubts he was ever actually invited there.

“Well, my friend got it for a song. They were looking to move to warmer climes, you know. And she got an excellent deal for the whole package – house and furniture and everything. Which turned out to be a good thing! The whole place was falling apart, if you can believe. Just completely structurally unsound.” Jack says the last part as if it's the most boring thing in the world.

“So anyway, she's looking to rebuild. Plenty of investors already lined up around the block, of course. And there's mixed zoning, you know. And she doesn't exactly need yet another house to sit empty and eat up heating costs. Plus the cleaning service – you know how much they'll gauge you.”

Pretending that the councilor has a maid service – when Jack knows for certain he doesn't, which is why he doesn't entertain at home much – is another stab at just how different he is from the upper crust.

“Yes, of course,” Councilor Featherstone responds. “They'll take an arm and a leg.”

“So she came on the idea of the hotel and spa. For the country set, or celebrities, or whoever wants a little privacy when visiting the city.” Rich men with mistresses. Government officials with less than acceptable girlfriends. Whoever.

“That sounds lovely,” Idelle chimes in. “Perhaps we might do a spa day there sometime, dear.”

“Oh. Oh I don't know,” the councilor responds, obviously thinking of the enormous price tag attached to something like that.

“We could do a double date,” Charles gushes. “Oh, Idelle! What an excellent idea!”

“Oh, I'm certain I could arrange something like that,” Jack is quick to assure the increasingly panicked looking councilor. “Given that the proposal comes from a close personal friend. I imagine I can talk her into pulling a few strings with whoever purchases the building so we get first crack at it.”

A delicate pause. Calculated to be just enough to let the councilor experience euphoric relief that his problem has been solved - that Jack has been the one to solve it – before bringing it all crashing down.

“Of course, that's assuming the project moves forward any time in the next decade. You of all people know what London real estate is like.”

“You said the lot was zoned for mixed use?” Featherstone asks desperately. He's so close to giving Idelle her heart's desire of the current moment and he can see it slipping away.

Jack nods.

He's not even lying. There are several businesses on that street dating to just after the Great London Fire that necessitate the designation. Plus one unbearably posh cupcake bakery charging upwards of a tenner for a single cupcake.

“Well, then it should be no problem. I can even take a look at everything personally - just to make sure it's all in order, of course.”

“Oh, darling!” Idelle exclaims rapturously. “Would you?”

“Of course, dear. Anything for you.”

Perfect.

Charles grins at Jack, wolflike. And then steers the conversation to other idle gossip about the rich and famous.

Best not to let the councilor dwell too long on what just happened.

[knightsandjedis]

Let the pettiness commence

Let me be frank here when stating that if the quarantine weren’t happening I would probably remain the type of blogger to just re-blog posts without commenting or making my own posts. I enjoy looking at things more than commenting what can I say? I should say thanks and welcome to all the followers I’ve gained these past few years. You all are awesome and hope you all are staying safe during these troublesome times!

Alright, I’m going from civil to petty here and I should forewarn you if you’re a fan of Sarah J. Maas and her novels you’ll prefer to stay away then listen to my rant. Just being polite and giving a heads up.

Listen, there are periods where atrocious books become a major part of trending pop culture. Eventually, the hype dies down and people can take a deep inhale of relief. Around the 2010s time-period, the hype was focused on Twilight books. No matter where you went you felt suffocated by the hyper-fixation people had on this series. I’ll be honest I was an avid Twilight lover for a period until I wised up and had to recognize these books are horrendous and having a bad influence on teens during my era. Teens were getting Aids from drinking each other’s blood literally, they were drinking someone’s blood literally. While they��re still popular main society’s attention has begun to wane.

Pop culture has an new interest in Sarah J. Maas’s series: Throne of Glass (ToG) and A Court of Thorns and Roses (ACOTAR). At one time I was part of the fan-base obsessed with her books. During a bleak period where every book I purchased ending up a dud despite strong premises; Maas’s first books, in both series, were a breath of fresh air. They had characters you found hysterical and enjoyed the story-lines (even though the storytelling was meh at times) and you couldn’t help anticipating future novels to see where the novels took these characters. Both series died for me at the books: Queen of Shadows and A Court of Mist and Fury.

These novels were my wake-up call to Maas’ manipulative storytelling patterns and her inconsistent characterizations. She completely morphs characters depending on the scenario. A noble, decent character is turned heinous to either add unnecessary drama or to make readers turn their affections towards another character Maas’ manipulates into becoming “the hero”- typically a love interest. Usually, the first-or second in TOG- love interests are noble characters with a few flaws but nothing to make readers despise them other than the fact they’re not the prettiest men in the series. Literally, readers adore the male characters that are otherworldly attractive than an average looking male who is humane and unproblematic. Problematic much? The message I’m receiving is you should fall in love with a pretty face rather than explore the person’s entire being (this includes past history, personality, characterization, etc).

People will say I’m petty because I’m annoyed Chaol and Tamlin did not remain the love interests. This is absolutely untrue. I’m annoyed Maas had to pull absolute garbage reasoning out of her ass to make the characters despicable.

Let’s start with Throne of Glass. Celaena (I refuse to call her Aelin because the name visually repulses me, it sounds like something Maas stole out of better high fantasy novels) realizes she doesn’t find Dorian compatible and finds Chaol more of an equal. Chaol has flaws but his main one seems to be he’s good-looking but only average in comparison to Dorian and Rowan- whose sex on legs apparently. Maas realizes people will deny Rowan as a love interest (after he gets into a punching match with Celaena) so she has to make Celaena despise Chaol and interact towards him with hostility despite her recognition Chaol had his reasoning's for certain events in previous novels. Then, Maas takes Chaol’s character, who is known for being awkward around women and loyal to a fault, and make him have one night stands, cheating on women, and apparently the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong because Celaena can’t own up she made mistakes. Nehemia also died to give Celaena that necessary push to go against the king but it’s entirely Chaol’s fault for Nehemia’s death since Celaena can do no wrong. Horseshit I say.

Dorian is not a match, Chaol is the bane of Celaena’s existence so Rowan is her champion. Gag. I actually liked Rowan in Heir of Fire but I found it repulsive how Celaena keeps throwing herself at him in Queen of Shadows and growing dependent on him. When she put him in a bath and started throwing her favorite shampoos in I found it to be the most awkward scene. It’s a moment someone with limited knowledge of sexual encounters would conjure up. “Let me give my love interest a bubble bath!” I’ve read these type of bath scenes in other novels but they’re more maturely done. Although I have to remember these books are written for teens. Then, they become mates. A contradicting setup because he had a mate in the past. But, no one is compatible unless they’re mates in Maas’ world. So, mates are stuck together and seem to have a servant/master relationship in certain portions of the stories. Yuck, just yuck.

Readers if you have to state someone is someone else’s mate so you’re aware they’re a thing then it’s probably not a healthy relationship since you’re staying they own that person in Maas’ world-building.

I’m going to stop while I’m ahead when writing about Rowan and Caelena because they repulse me. Buuuttt not to the same extent as Feyre and Rhysand. I absolutely despise these characters with every fiber of my being. This is one of the most unhealthiest relationships I’ve ever read. Before I jump into why they’re disgusting let me just say I love how everybody hopped on the Feyre adoration bandwagon only when she got into a relationship with Rhysand. Nobody liked her until she got.into.a.relationship.with.Rhysand. Wow!

Listen, I understand why Feyre couldn’t stay with Tamlin after what he did (ahem what Maas decided he should do). However contradictory Tamlin’s characterization was the relationship had turned unhealthy. Yetttt, no one batted an eye with Rhysand was giving Feyre date rape drugs, forcing her to give him lap dances making her sick when she came out of the haze, and her being entirely repulsed when he made-out with her. Plus, I read Rhysand as a gay or bi character when he was introduced. I think he would be a better character as a gay male seeking a friendship than their disgusting love story. He goes from giving her roofies and at least seeming like a morally gray character to Feyre’s champion. Yeah, not buying the bullshit.

I pity Tamlin’s character truly- he was butchered beyond recognition. He goes from allowing Feyre to wander to her heart’s extent- as long as she wasn’t in dangerous areas- to locking her up because he thought it made sense. He’s suddenly possessive of her in the most disgusting ways (but Rhysand isn’t possessive in the slightest even when he calls Feyre his “mate!”). All these details were added to make Rhys’ character more heroic. Rhys goes from being a somewhat tolerable character in his actions to a fucking messiah. Rhysand goes from roofie expert to whisking Feyre away for her own safety. Rhysand assists Feyre under the mountain unlike Tamlin! (Because the queen didn’t give a shit about Rhysand and he wasn’t under her radar to the extent as Tamlin). He loves reading stories with Feyre unlike Tamlin. (Hmm, Tamlin offers to teach Feyre to read which she stubbornly refuses because she’s independent but Rhysand forces her to learn and he’s romantic!). And gasp, Tamlin ended up being the one who murdered Rhysand’s family hence their animosity (hahahaha how desperate are you Maas, I mean seriously how pathetic). Feyre, just like Caelena, was forced into this relationship with another abuser painted as a hero in storytelling. Rhysand and Rowan are constructed into heroes to make their disgusting actions justifiable in comparison to Chaol and Tamlin’s ruined characters.

I’m mostly focused on the main relationships since that’s all I keep hearing about. Changing subjects briefly, Maas’ does not acknowledge PoC or LGBTQIA unless readers are pointing out lack of representation. If they’re introduced you’re guaranteed either they die to promote the white lead’s agenda or forced to become a villain. What kind of statement does that make, Maas???? Also, her world-building is beyond odd. Random characters get introduced in weird scenarios that she has to force into the story-line just for sprucing purposes (Manon and the 12 and the 12 princesses from Earth or whatever). Really, what were the purposes of these characters???? And these kingdoms are written so bad. One realm has everyone wearing Renaissance era clothing while the next realm has people dressing hipster I mean wtf?

The reason for my rant is that I needed to get it out of my system. Lately, I cannot get away from these garbage novels. I’m on my Kindle the books are recommended. I’m on Goodreads her books are recommended and keep winning Book of the Year despite better novels being on the same list. I go on Facebook someone mentions deciding to give the series a spin under quarantine. I’m on tumblr (if you’re a fan then that’s fine, enjoy what you love) and artwork keeps popping up. I love it’s typically Feyre giving Rhysand lap-dances in the earlier part of the series where she’s desolate and sicken by these moments. People are quite forgetful when they want to ignore something in order to make Rhysand babe. I wish I knew how to block anything Sarah J Maas on here because I’m trying to escape. I want to read other authors’ novels and not have Maas’ smug face pop up on my recommendation lists. (Her books are on every list on Goodreads- every freaking list!) Hopefully, when quarantine ends the hype will quiet again but I’m getting ticked off here.

Just had to get it off my chest. I’ll probably go back to quietly ignoring the recommendations and artwork but I’m having a moment here.

[baldysims]

Strange Legacy 2.2

I’m sure you’re all just dying to find out how Betelgeuse’s return to the legacy lot went. But first, let’s check in with generation 2 spare Alpheratz, shown here in his graduation duds cuddling with college placeholder Christy Pons.

Many Romance spares from other legacies never marry, but in this family, woohoo is strictly verboten outside the bonds of holy matrimony, so Alpheratz was set on marriage and children from the start. Unfortunately, as detailed in chapter 2.1, the love of his life is engaged to his brother, so he had to settle for the next best thing... her adult townie lookalike.

Creepy, yes, but despite the wrongness of the whole situation I actually enjoyed playing their little family. Their wedding wasn’t anything fancy, just your basic “I’m sick of this legacy already” sidewalk fare next to the trash can and mailbox, but the groom got his woohoo and the bride got her lifelong partner to talk about grilled cheese with, so I call it a success.

They had two adorable daughters who they named Bellatrix and Cursa, in keeping with the alphabetical and astronomical theme of the legacy.

Unfortunately their birthday parties tended to invite drama, and at Cursa’s toddler-to-child birthday, an out-of-control grandpa Zaniah did this:

Yes, that is the creepy townie who showed up to his wedding in a white gown. I’m sure you’re just as shocked as I am.

“I can’t believe you would do this to me! And at our granddaughter’s birthday party!”

Yeah, totally unexpected. It’s not like Zaniah is a garbage person, or that they’ve been heart farting over each other and undermining your marriage since forever. This is completely out of character for our legacy founder. Mmm hmmmm.

Although I will say it was oddly sweet watching Demi bitch Tamara out for horning in on her mother in law’s man. Strange spouses gotta stick together!

Back on the main lot, Angeline moved in and she and Betelgeuse are working hard at their careers. I want them to both be permaplat before they get married and start reproducing like crazy. Shouldn’t be too hard, since they both got 4.0′s in college and have mad skills in everything.

Zaniah isn’t convinced of Angeline’s worthiness to be a Strange spouse, though.

“Didn’t she kiss your brother?”

“No, Dad, she didn’t. Angeline would never do that to me. And you’re one to talk! We all heard about how you cheated on mom at the birthday party.”

“I would never. That’s just what that harridan your brother married is spreading around because she’s jealous she wasn’t able to marry into the legacy home. Never trust a woman’s gossip, Betelgeuse. I know I’ve taught you this lesson before.”

Yeah, that might have worked if Bete wasn’t a total mama’s boy. He’s been there to witness nearly all of Sharon’s unhealthy coping mechanisms ever since the birthday party. She’s always thinking about that kiss, usually while drinking herself into a stupor.

And so Zaniah tries his schtick out on Angeline.

“Why Angeline, what a lovely pair of lips you have. It’s no wonder BOTH of my sons were unable to resist them. If only you were able to resist both of my sons.”

“Ha, ha! That’s so funny, Mr. Strange. I know you have to be joking because there’s no way a proven adulterer would be lecturing me about the morality of my dating life before I even got engaged.”

“Watch your tone, missy.”

“No, you watch yours, old man. You think you’re hot stuff because you’re a legacy founder? I’m a hot downtownie, I’ve been around since 2005, and I’ve married into a million of these things. You better think long and hard before you start playing games with me, because I will END YOU.”

Yeesh. Well, I think she’s scared him off of trying to come between her and the legacy fortune ever again. Moving on.

Sharon reached the top of the Journalism career, fulfilling her lifetime want.

She then apparently decided that what with her dead marriage and all she had nothing left to live for, and promptly started dying in the bathroom.

“Really? Your first generation spouse is dying before the heir even gets married? That’s pathetic.”

Shut up, Grim, it’s hard when you have Real Sickness installed! You should know this from my apocalegacy!

Thankfully everyone’s favorite mama’s boy was there to save Sharon from my ineptitude and spare her a grisly fate.

He even went above and beyond and cured her ills, literally, with a little Grandma’s Comfort Soup.

Unfortunately, even with her sickness cured, her heart was still broken, and I think we all know Zaniah wasn’t capable of mending it without help.

Fortunately, super son comes to the rescue again with some well placed couples’ counseling. Psychology degree FTW!

Practicing therapy on your own parents... it’s a little unethical, but what can I say? That’s never been a problem for this family.

Awww. Look how happy Bete is to have helped. And with him and Angie both poised to reach level 10 in their careers tomorrow, there’s no better time to restore the household’s relationship harmony!

Once Zaniah’s done getting alien abducted again, natch.

Sure enough, Captain Hero and Chief of Staff did their thing the following day, and I was really looking forward to their Barbie Dream Wedding.

I even decked out the backyard with a sweet ass decorative pond. Look at it! That thing took me two hours. I was pumped.

Of course Zaniah just had to pick a fight with his existing daughter in law, because he can’t let a special event go by without ruining it. Looks like he’s complaining that she’s wearing “too much” makeup. Why am I not surprised?

More things I wish I was surprised about: College placeholder Christy showing up in an exact replica of Angeline’s gown. What is it with the women in this town? Begone, thot!

And so the ceremony -- wait a minute, what’s that happening in the corner?

God. Damn. It. Alpheratz! You had ONE job! Be appropriate at your brother’s wedding.

“Angeline was supposed to be mine! If I can’t have her, then you’d better believe I’m going to ruin my wimp of a brother’s wedding to her!”

UGH, and of course it’s with inappropriate Christy in the white gown. Why can’t my Sims be faithful to their partners at family functions?

Poor Demi was a real trooper, though. Her heart was breaking into a million pieces, but she stayed in her chair and politely clapped until the bitter end, because she wanted Betelgeuse and Angeline to have their moment. It’s odd having a truly classy person in the family for once.

Of course, even classy dames like Demi have their limits, as Alpheratz learned the hard way the second the ceremony was finished.

Oof, right in the moneymaker. And please notice in the background poor Bellatrix and Cursa tearfully fleeing the scene.

Bellatrix is a mean little Scorpio who takes after her father’s side of the family, so she was mainly furious, but poor Cursa just cried and cried. Demi came over to comfort her daughters, and I was torn between delight at the cuteness of this interaction that I had never seen before and sadness for what my drama-loving play style had done to my poor innocent babies.

I’M A MONSTER.

But how much did their other relatives care?

I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count.

Demi was actually so incredibly classy that she stopped inside to have a slice of cake and toast to the newlyweds before she said goodbye to the hosts. Oh, Demi, you are so much better than this trash family deserves.

“Yes, unfortunately I do have to go. But I want to wish you every joy and happiness together. There’s nothing better than a marriage that goes right, and nothing worse than when one goes wrong. May you always stay honest and true to each other.”

I don’t think they’ll have any trouble with that nowadays... thank God. You may recall that Angeline was also in love with Alpheratz at the time of his kiss with Christy the homewrecker, and now she hates him just as much as Demi does. I guess it’s true what they say: every cloud has a silver lining, and every broken family has a correspondingly broken incestuous love triangle.

With a little one officially on the way, Angeline was free to focus on less breedertastic legacy duties, like making sure everyone had their portraits in order. Competent artist that she is, she finished that little project before she even started showing.

Good thing, too, because she didn’t have the easiest pregnancy in her later trimesters.

It was definitely a relief when the birth came.

I was less than thrilled that Zaniah directed his applause at his son while turning his back on his daughter in law, the person who actually gave birth, but hey, that’s Zaniah for you.

Anyway, welcome to the family, Cassiopeia Strange!

Little Cassie turned out to be a little bit of a daddy’s girl, and who could blame her? Unlike his own father, Betelgeuse is an actual Family Sim with actual Family Sim wants, and he loves nothing more than showering his daughter with affection.

Soon after, Angeline got pretty busy being pregnant with #2 and working on getting that impossible want point for her secondary aspiration, so she didn’t have as much time for Cassie...

...but even when she did, Cassie was usually thinking about Betelgeuse.

Zaniah has been similarly busy working on his secondary impossible want, among other legacy business. He’s reaching the end of his lifespan and I wanted to make sure to wring every last point possible out of him.

He wrote his novel, as required for the storyteller handicap.

He also got abducted a third time, but unfortunately, no matter how much I made him stargaze at night, there was no fourth or fifth time for that one truly impossible knowledge want of 5 Abductions.

C’est la vie. Although he did survive to see the birth of Betelgeuse and Angeline’s second daughter, Diadem. Yes, daughter. I was hoping we wouldn’t have to have more than three kids, but oh well.

His last action on Sim Earth was becoming best friends with one of his four granddaughters. Ha! Serves you right to die before ever meeting your grandson and third generation heir, you old hypocrite!

Please enjoy this establishing shot that proves I put his grave next to the legacy tree in the backyard... and also that I collected 25 elixirs for a collection point from his aspiration bank before he kicked the bucket.

Mmm, sweet legacy points.

Sharon and Cassie were devastated, but I don’t think anyone else is going to miss the old coot. Particularly since it’s also a birthday party night!

Alpheratz and Demi came by, God knows why, and Alpheratz was so enraged to find that Angeline was pregnant by his brother again that he just had to slap her around a bit.

Classy. This family is so classy.

Adultery everywhere, drinking while pregnant, what social taboos haven’t the Stranges crossed with impunity? I just hope the baby comes out okay. It’s crazy to me that Maxis won’t let pregnant ladies change the cat litter or use the hot tub, but apparently “juice” and “bubbles” are just what the doctor ordered.

But fear not, no amount of dysfunction will ever stop the younger Stranges from getting every privilege in life offered to them on a silver platter! As long as your family is rich, you’re set! Just like in real life.

And may I please just single Demi out for being once, twice, three times a lady yet again? Look at her, autonomously feeding her hungry niece out of the goodness of her heart! It’s like she doesn’t even know what she married into.

Later that night, the house gets burglarized.

Even though Betelgeuse is Captain Hero, the Fearless handicap prevents us from using any alarms and makes burglaries a real pain in the ass. Sharon just barely managed to call the police in time to catch the thief. Why does she need to call a low ranking officer when they have Captain Hero in the house? Who knows. I’ll chalk it up to the booze.

The next morning, the kids prove that they know exactly which family they were born into by rolling identical wants to murder the burglar with the cowplant. Yeesh.

Betelgeuse attempts to teach Cassie a healthier way to deal with her feelings by showing her the ins and outs of investigative police work.

Meanwhile, Angeline gives birth to... ANOTHER girl, seriously? I’m trying to run a patriarchy over here!

I’m sorry I’m not more excited over your birth, Electra, it’s just that I kind of hate dealing with multiple toddlers at once and I don’t like doing it more than once per generation.

At least the girls are cute. Here’s Diadem as a child, showing off her gymnastic skills.

I love watching Di and Cassie play with the dollhouse every morning and night before bed. It’s so wholesome!

Also adorable: Grandma Sharon tucking her grandbabies in whenever she gets a chance. Awww. We’ll just ignore that she probably reeks of booze the whole time.

Much less adorable: Zaniah scaring the crap out of his pregnant daughter in law on his first night haunting. Zaniah! I know you’re a fake Family Sim, but the least you could do is not sabotage your own legacy.

Oh, thank God, it’s finally a boy.

This little rugrat is named Fornax, and he is definitely the heir because I am done, done, D-O-N-E done with these two having children. They’re cute and all, but four is more than enough.

Cassie grew up and rolls Romance, which I don’t think suits her. She seems much more like a Family Sim to me. She’s always rolling wants to interact with her parents and siblings, and sure, she’s a mean little Scorpio, just like dad and gramps, but that’s never stopped her from -- hang on.

What’s that happening in the back of the lot?

Oh, nothing, just Grandma Sharon quietly dying while no one but me cares. You were a good Sim, Sharon, always fun to play. A real booze hound, but I’ll miss you very much.

And her granddaughters who cared so much for her... just kept playing Spin Me Around and didn’t stop until they got their inheritance. 

That’s cold. Maybe Cassie wouldn’t make such a great Family Sim.

Just to test drive the whole Romance thing, I set her up with patriarchy-approved Romeo Montague, and she seemed to like him okay.

They had a very enjoyable date, but when it was time for him to go, she shooed him away in a less than polite manner.

“Get OUT of here, you disgusting boy, and don’t think I’m going to call you again! My family is way richer than yours anyway.”

Yeah, I don’t think Romance is Cassie’s thing.

So after Fornax’s birthday party, when her aspiration finally dipped back down into the green, I went ahead and cheesed her.

No regrets. This family does not need any more Romance Sims -- a lesson that I will be sure to impart on our young heir, Fornax, as well, since he’s our one and only shot at continuing the legacy.

Fornax, sadly, did not have a Roof Raiser of a birthday party, and so I will be going for a different Master Point with him. I’m thinking Child Prodigy, since so many of his relatives have maxed out skills and more career reward skill objects than you can shake a stick at.

Plus, look at what the little stinker always wanted to talk about in his toddler years. Algebra? Yeah, that’s a nerd if I’ve ever seen one.

He is an EXTREMELY good sport about the whole spending his entire childhood studying and skilling thing.

I think Diadem would have made a good child prodigy too, since she rolled knowledge and is ALWAYS congratulating everyone on being overachievers, but sadly, she is a girl and therefore can’t be heir in this deeply unfair patriarchal legacy.

Electra, meanwhile, became a Pleasure Sim with a lifetime want of 50 First Dates. Curse you, Adam Sandler, for inspiring that LTW from hell!

We’re fulfilling it, though. You know we are. I’ve never been able to resist those impossible want points.

“Tybalt, I know Electra brought you home on the schoolbus for a freebie date and all, but I really think you should leave before my grandpa scares you to death. It’s just not safe for a matriarchal guy like you to be here at night.”

“You sure, Cass? Diadem doesn’t seem to mind getting scared.”

“That’s because she’s a freak, Ty. Now beat it.”

“Okay, but you have to promise you won’t tell Bells about this. Electra promised it was going to be strictly platonic!”

Yep, that’s right, Tybalt is dating none other than Alpheratz’s daughter Bellatrix, who grew up into a Fortune Sim who fell head over heels for the fiery Capulet. That would have been a problem if she was born into the main household, but Alpheratz never cared much for legacy rules so he’s perfectly fine with his children dating matriarchal Maxis-mades.

Not that Cursa would ever be in danger of settling down with one. She’s Romance, just like dad, and while she does go out with Tybalt and Bellatrix, she prefers doing her own thing, usually on the karaoke machine.

And how are Alpheratz and Demi? Obviously they are still married, because divorce is anathema in the legacy family, but they actually surprised me by being able to patch things up somewhat.

Okay, maybe they patched things up a lot.

Back on the main lot, Fornax continues his Child Prodigy studies, and Electra continues her string of meaningless dates.

She met many an interesting character downtown, including this dorky vampire who only wanted to talk about school.

“You must tell me about your schoolverk. I haff such an interest in how theese thinks haff changtt since I vos a boy, back in Baffaria.”

“Wow, okay. I have to tell you that as a Pleasure Sim, I hate school with every fiber of my being, but can I introduce you to my sister? I think the two of you would get along like a house on fire!”

Indeed they would, especially since Diadem managed to get herself alien abducted and has therefore become an excellent candidate for the Ivy League master point mini-challenge!

“I get to become a vampire? Sweet.”

I was hyped for the vamping, but unfortunately my vampire skin default left a lot to be desired. Apparently it makes everyone an opaque pearly white regardless of original skintone. Lame!

Pardon me while I switch some files around.

“Ahhhh. Much better. Grandma Sharon must be so proud of me.”

I’m sure she’s proud of all of you, because the time to grow Fornax up and get that master point has come! Once he grows up platinum, we’ll be ready to ship everyone except little miss I Was A Teenage Vampire off to college. It’s been a whirlwind of a generation.

Let me just show off a couple awkward shots proving that he maximized everything he was supposed to...

And away we go! Fucking nailed it!

Next time: How will Fornax cope with going straight from being ten years old to becoming a college student? Will I be able to get Cassie her 200 sandwiches and Electra her 50 dates without driving myself crazy? And what’s with the mystery surrounding Alpheratz and Demi’s third child?

Legacy Scoring:

Legacy: 2.5 Money: 1 Family friends: 38x.25 = 9.25 Impossible wants: 5 (Alph 20L, Sharon 30F, Zaniah 7Sk, Angeline 7Sk, Fornax 7Sk) Platinum graves: 2 (Family, Popularity) Ghosts: 1 (Old Age) Business: 3 Seasons: 2 (tree) Free Time: 2 (Games: Zaniah, Betelgeuse, Alpheratz) Collections: 1 (25 Elixirs x1) Master: 2 (Social Bunnies Need Love Too, Child Prodigy - Fornax, ) Handicaps: 0 Overflow: 0 Penalties: -1 (bills) Total: 29.75

[schwarzwaelder-kirschtorte]

The Shopping Complex

Word count: 4958 (👀)

Characters: Reader, Gadreel, OMC, OFC

Rating: G (Some swearing)

Summary:  The Reader has to buy new clothes for an undercover case, and she brings Gadreel along for company.

A/N: I was feeling a little down, so I wrote a self-insert Gadreel fic. So sue me. And the title is kind of a...play on words.

“If you dislike purchasing things so much,” Gadreel brought up as I cursed under my breath for the fourth time that afternoon, “why are we here?”

“I am here because we have a new case, and I’m better at undercover work. And I am here,” I said tightly, gesturing harshly at the line of boutiques on either side of the mall’s indoor promenade, dreading the possibility of having to go into even one of the stores to find what I needed, let alone all of them, “because my G-gal duds just won’t cut it this time. And you’re here because I wanted company and you looked like you were coming down with cabin fever.”

And because I would take any chance I could get to be around the guy, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. No siree, Bob.

“I’m not susceptible to human immunological ailments,” he reminded me blankly.

“It’s a…figure of speech,” I sighed, slinking through a doorway and into a store whose walls were just way too pink. After years of internalized misogyny, I had learned to like pink again, even love it sometimes, but not like this. This looked like the insides of a Pepto-Bismol bottle.

I stopped in my tracks, and Gadreel, eyes on the garish color scheme as well, collided with me in the entranceway, and I went sprawling. He grabbed my hand to keep me from falling and pulled me back. Already off-kilter, I lost my balance the other way around and crashed into his hard chest. Mortified beyond my wildest dreams, I savored the contact anyway. I would probably never get another chance to have my hands all over the angel.

I always wanted what I couldn’t have. In high school, it had been the captain of the football and basketball team. In college, it had been my resident adviser Isabelle. And out hunting mythological creatures with my found siblings the Winchesters, I had met and fallen for a divine being who wouldn’t love me back if I were the last person on earth.

Gosh, I really knew how to pick them.

“Are you okay?” he asked, staring down at me with his dark eyes.

“Um…”

“May I help you find something?” a young saleswoman asked the two weirdos at the front of the store.

“Definitely not,” I said, pushing Gadreel back the way we came and following him out. I hoped to Chuck we never ended up in this city—no, this county—again, or I could very well spontaneously combust from the humiliation.

Leading Gadreel to another boutique some ways away from the pink nightmare, I noticed that our hands were still bound between us. The natural light fell through the high glass ceiling, sprinkled here and there with colored panes, and brightened the main concourse like something out of a fairytale. The line of fountains and large ferns certainly didn’t help. We could have been on a date.

I jerked my hand away and marched through the nearest doorway.

“I’m sorry,” he said when he found me browsing pin-striped blazers along a wall. “Was I squeezing too tightly? Sometimes I forget my own strength.”

“No, it’s just…” I pushed the hangers aside one by one as I tried to find my size. My broad shoulders were good for breaking through doors and knocking down the human subcategory of monsters, but they were awful for trying to fit into the average shirt or jacket. Technically, I was average, but try telling the Western fashion industry that. “It’s just that holding hands is kinda for…special friends.”

“Aren’t we special friends?” he asked, confused.

“Oh, you are definitely special, and we are friends, but it’s not the same thing.”

“I don’t understand.”

And I didn’t have the emotional energy to explain levels of intimacy and displays of affection to the angel I had been crushing on harder and harder ever since he came back into our lives.

“Ask Sam when we get back to the motel,” I dismissed, grabbing a blazer I thought might fit and stepping back to scan the store for trousers. As much as I had learned to like pink again, I would never feel comfortable in skirts or dresses. Even if my thighs didn’t chafe. Even if my hips and stomach didn’t bubble. I just couldn’t relax in them.

“If you tell me what you’re looking for, maybe I can help,” Gadreel mentioned.

“Anything that doesn’t make me look like a blimp,” I muttered, wrinkling my nose at the wide-legged pants. Those made me look awful.

“Technically, if you’re going to compare yourself to any dirigible,” he said, steering me toward a nearby rack, “you’d be rigid, like the Hindenburg.” At my blank stare, he folded one of his arms and flapped it like a chicken wing. “Because of your bone structure.”

I coughed out a laugh. I had asked him to come along in the first place because I liked spending time with him, and I was being a jerk with all this feeling sorry for myself. And he just wanted to be useful.

“Not that you need any validation from me, or anybody,” he said, picking through a bunch of pin-striped trousers that would go pretty well with my blazer, “but your line is very aesthetically pleasing. But you’re so much more than that too. You’re one of the best and bravest Hunters I’ve ever heard of. Your loyalty to your found family is enviable, and I don’t even know what envy feels like. And your taste in movies is so much more agreeable than Sam or Dean’s.”

I laughed again, feeling my cheeks warm in the air-conditioned shop.

“That reminds me. Your sense of humor is unlike anything I’ve ever encountered as well,” he continued, pulling a garment from the rack and slinging it over his shoulder. “Dean says you’re a terrible influence on me.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled, unsure how to take a compliment, especially from him.

“Did you only need the one outfit?” he asked.

“No, I need something…” I clenched the blazer, feeling the fabric strain in my hands. “I need something pretty. A bunch of suits will do for the office job, but there’s the party in a couple weeks that we’re pretty sure is a cover for the summoning, and I need to dress up for that.”

“Okay.” He went through the store, along the walls and around the racks, picking up and setting down blouses, jackets, and trousers.

I followed him without choosing anything else myself. Honestly, I could use all the help I could get, even though I would have thought that Gadreel was as clueless about fashion as I was. He hadn’t been entirely correct earlier. It wasn’t that I didn’t like purchasing things—I did. I liked buying movies, music, alcohol. I could spend hours in a bookstore. I even enjoyed grocery shopping for the bunker.

I just hated buying clothes. I hated that things didn’t fit, and when they did, bits and bobs bulged. I hated that it cost way more to buy something in my size than was necessary, extra fabric costs be damned. I hated that boutiques that catered to plus-size—average—people were few and far between. And worst of all, I hated that I cared.

“Would you like to try these on?” he wondered, holding out the clump of hangers.

I gaped at the number of things in his hands. “I can only bring seven items into the fitting room.”

“Take your time,” he said easily.

“Oh. Okay.” I grabbed as many garments from him as I could, and it was his turn to follow me as I made my way to the fitting rooms, dragging my feet all the way.

The store was busy on that Saturday afternoon, but Gadreel managed to find a seat among the spouses of the three other women trying on outfits.

The block of fitting rooms had its privacy, but sound carried. When another woman showed off something to someone I assumed was her husband, all he made was a noncommittal grunting noise, and from where I was looking at myself in a tri-panel mirror before going out to show Gadreel, I watched her slink back to the dressing rooms and latch herself in a stall.

I came out slowly, timid. What if Gadreel just grunted? What if he made a face? I knew he didn’t feel about me the way I felt about him, but such obvious judgment and rejection would destroy me.

His eyes grew wide as he looked me and down, and my breath caught in my chest at his honest smile.

“You look very nice,” he said as I approached, getting out of his chair to take me in from all sides. “Very professional. How do you feel in it?”

“I feel like I’m in a straitjacket,” I grumbled. I liked the trousers—he had chosen a bunch of slim-leg styles that gathered in at the ankles, which made me look less like a house and more like a rhombus. I liked rhombuses. The blouse was okay—the neckline was actually kind of flattering. But the jacket. “The jacket’s too stiff. It’s not worn in like my others. And I have to start at the office on Monday. I’ll never break them all in by then.”

“Hmm. A stiff jacket isn’t safe in your line of work,” he understood. “You can’t run. You can’t fight. You probably couldn’t even aim your gun.”

The spouses pretended not to be eavesdropping. I tried to hide my smirk.

“How do you feel about cardigans?” Gadreel wondered. “Or is that too casual?”

“I love cardigans,” I said. “And if it’s too casual, they can shove it up their asses.”

“That doesn’t sound pleasant at all,” he mentioned, but I could see the hint of a smile on his lips, and it lit up my insides that he was beginning to understand figures of speech…with my help.

I giggled before I could stop myself, and his grin seemed to bloom now that I seemed to be enjoying myself.

“I’ll go find you some sweaters,” he volunteered. “You go try on the rest of the blouses and trousers.”

“I’m going to need new shoes too,” I grimaced, looking down at my scuffed ankle boots.

One of the men scoffed, and I could practically feel the other two rolling their eyes, no matter how unenthusiastic I sounded. I almost said something, but then they would have said something back, and I was just in the mood to really mess them up if it came down to it, and I didn’t need to cover up a black eye or split lip on my first day at the office. Gadreel would also feel compelled to step in, and he could really hurt them.

“Let’s go somewhere else for those,” Gadreel said without argument.

“Agreed.”

I turned back to the fitting rooms and heard one of the men make a sound like a whip cracking. The meaning was not lost on me, but I let it go.

“Gesundheit,” I heard Gadreel say cluelessly, thank Chuck, and I snickered into my hand.

I picked out a week’s worth of blouses and a few pairs of trousers that I could mix and match until the party.

Oh, shit, the party. The party where everyone was going to dress to impress, because one did not wear jeans to a demon summoning.

I was going to have to wear a skirt.

I slunk out to Gadreel, who already had a stack of comfortable-looking oversize cardigans.

“You can just try these on out here,” he said first. Then he noticed my face. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“I have to wear a dress to the party,” I told him, trying not to throw up.

“Why do you have such an aversion to dresses?” he wondered, setting the sweaters on his chair.

“I don’t know. I don’t look good in them. They bulge everywhere. I’m always afraid my underwear is showing, no matter how long it is.” I heard one of the men snigger and then try to hide it in a cough, and I came the closest I ever did to punching him before stopping myself. “I just feel so…vulnerable in them.”

“Would a jumpsuit be fancy enough to blend in?” he inquired.

“Maybe,” I shrugged. “I’ve never worn one before.”

“If I may…” He held up a finger. “You stay here and try on the sweaters. I’ll be right back.”

He left me there and wandered to the front of the store.

“Think she’d rent him out to my wife next weekend?” one of the spouses asked another. “I’ve got season tickets to State, and they’re 4-0.”

They laughed to themselves, and I just felt sorry for them. I felt worse for their girlfriends or wives.

I had brought out the blouses and trousers I would buy by the time Gadreel came back. My heart dropped when he held out a black jersey dress. The scoop neckline and form-fitting elbow-length sleeves were nice. And the high-low skirt was interesting, but it ended above my knee. And I just knew my stomach and hips were going to be all over the place in this thing.

“Gadreel…”

“Here, try these with it.” He held up a pair of floral leggings with solid black along the sides. “They have something called a…control top. That’s supposed to help with the bulging.”

The guys behind me were acting like children again, and it was hard to keep ignoring them. I was so angry, I could have cried.

“And…” He turned the leggings around to show me the hanger behind it, and seeing the black jumper made me feel a little better. “In case you’re still uncomfortable in dresses.”

His consideration for my feelings but also trying to get me out of my comfort zone made my eyes well up.

“Th…thanks, Gadreel,” I said slowly, taking a black cardigan with me into the fitting rooms as well, in case I thought layers or covering up would improve things.

I tried the jumpsuit first. As self-conscious as I was, I had to admit that I looked pretty good. It had a sweetheart neckline with a patchwork lace grid for the neck and arms. And the legs tapered in at the ankles again. Gadreel seemed to know me better than I knew myself. I didn’t even try the sweater with it.

I was undressing to give the dress a chance when one of the men—that same instigator—opened his mouth again.

“If I wanted to watch women dress up, I’d watch the Vicky’s Secret Fashion Show,” he said loudly. “It’s on YouTube, you know.”

If his wife couldn’t hear him before, she could now. And if I weren’t in my underwear, I would have gone out there and kicked him in the head. Or lower.

“My girlfriend is picking out a dress for a baby shower,” another one chimed in. “I’m not even gonna see her in it. So, what the hell am I doing here?”

“Mine’s buying something for her cousin’s engagement party,” the third man shared. “But I’ve got paintball with the guys, so I’m gonna have to go into the office, if you know what I mean.”

As they guffawed from the next room, I wondered if they would be so candid, if they knew their insignificant others could hear every hurtful word.

“Don’t you like your spouses?” Gadreel asked them, and I cursed under my breath and started to pull on the dress and leggings to get out there and diffuse whatever was going to happen.

I really didn’t need to get arrested today. Arraignment court didn’t even open until Monday. I couldn’t be in jail when I was supposed to start a new undercover job with white-collar demonic cultists.

“Hey, I love my wife, asshole,” the most outspoken of them said defensively.

“Then why don’t you like spending time with her?”

“I spend time with her. I take her out to dinner. And to movies. We watch the game together, and she rubs my feet.”

“Isn’t taking an interest in each other’s interests part of a meaningful relationship?”

“Hey, I don’t need to take an interest in everything,” Baby Shower said. “I babysit the kids while she goes grocery shopping. And when she goes to her book club.”

I opened my mouth to shout out at him, but Gadreel took the words right out my mouth.

“It’s not babysitting when they’re your children,” he said slowly, and I heard something dark in his voice that made me wish I could get dressed faster than the klutz that I was.

“Listen, buddy,” Engagement Party said, “don’t lecture us on relationships just ‘cause you’re so pussy-whipped, you can’t see what a cow you’re dating.”

My hands froze where they were pulling the control top over my belly, and I sank to the bench in the stall with a choked sigh. The fucking jerk had brought my body into it.

“I don’t romantically fraternize with livestock,” Gadreel said. “Bestiality is against my Father’s command, and I happen to agree with Him on that point.”

Somehow, I managed to smile through my tears.

“And if you’re referring to the young woman I’m with,” he said, eerily calm, “as some sort of low-class insult, I think you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.”

I got to my feet, smoothed the dress without looking at myself in the mirror, and unlatched the door. The other women were standing around the corner from the men, in clothes with the tags hanging off of them, listening in without giving away that they were listening in. They turned to me as I approached the doorway.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, taking responsibility for Gadreel’s confrontation.

“No, we are,” one of them said as quietly, taking my arm gently to stop me from going out there just yet.

“I think you ought to be ashamed of how you treat women in general,” Gadreel was saying, “and especially how you treat the women in your lives.”

“Hey, asshole—”

“No, you’re the asshole,” Gadreel cut off the first guy. “Sit down.”

He must have listened, because I didn’t hear any scuffling.

“If you don’t cherish your spouse and every moment you have together in your short human lives, why did you get married? And why did you have kids with her? And why are you even with her at all?”

The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood up, and I realized that he was using his Grace on them. Which was stupid, because he was still replenishing from when he had lost it.

I looked to the other women and saw that they had their heads down and eyes closed. Gadreel’s Grace was reaching them too.

“The average life expectancy for the White American male is 78 years 9 months. You are all White American males. You are all average.”

One of the men harrumphed in protest, but that was all the fight he had left in him.

“You’re going to go home with your women and think about how you have behaved toward them and all the others,” Gadreel instructed clearly. “And you are either going to change your ways, or you are going to lose the only ones who can tolerate you. Look upon yourselves and see the error of your ways, or you doom yourselves as well as you doom humankind.”

I stepped around the corner before he went too far, and his eyes swept over me, his expression instantly changing from one of somber lecture to pleasant wonder. “Oh, Y/N, you look like a goddess.” To the others, he told, “Get out.”

The men raised their heads as if waking from a trance—I had never had Grace used on me before, so I didn’t know how it felt—and the women stepped out from the fitting rooms.

“That looks good on you, hon,” the first guy said to his wife. “We’ll get it if you want it, but we should really be heading home now.”

“You look real pretty,” Engagement Party told his girlfriend. “Are any of my shirts good enough to match, or should we stop somewhere else on the way home and get me something? I want to look nice for your family.”

“You look smoking in that dress,” Baby Shower said to his girlfriend. “Shame I’m not going to see it on you. We should go out to dinner tomorrow night. That restaurant you really like.”

Without saying anything, the women went back to change into their own clothes, and the men stood around in a daze, ignoring me and Gadreel.

“When is that going to wear off?” I questioned.

“When they’ve done as I’ve instructed and thought about what they’ve done,” he replied simply. “Whether it becomes a blessing or a curse is up to them.”

I rolled my eyes. “You can’t turn every asshole into a decent human being.”

“I wouldn’t want to. The onus lies on them. That’s what being human is all about.” He shook his head. “But I noticed how they’ve been acting toward you and their partners ever since we got here, even if you liked to pretend I hadn’t, and the shitheads needed to be taught a lesson.”

“Okay, who taught you that word?” I demanded.

“I heard Dean say it last night at the bar,” he said. “Based on similar context, I assumed I was using it correctly.”

“Oh, they’re definitely shitheads,” I agreed. “You’re just so…” What, innocent? Yeah, right. Naïve? As if. Chaste? Oh, Chuck only knew. “You’re so not Dean.”

“No, of course I’m not.” He stepped back to look me over again. “But all you need is a bow and quiver, and you would be Artemis incarnate.”

Never one to be able to take a compliment, I blushed and looked at the floor. But from this angle, it was hard for me to find a bulge that shouldn’t have been there.

Anyway, I had to stop using my looks as a way to measure up as a person. I was a badass Hunter who could kick some serious butt—even in this dress—and that’s what really counted, right?

“Are you still uncomfortable in skirts?” Gadreel asked as we watched each of the couples check out and leave the store. “Have you tried on the jumpsuit?”

“I did. I liked it. But…I kinda like this better,” I admitted.

“Really?” he wondered. If I didn’t know any better, I would have sworn that he was almost proud of my personal growth that afternoon.

“Don’t think I’m going to start wearing them every day,” I warned, and he held up his hands. “But thinking about wearing one doesn’t make me want to throw up and die anymore, so that’s something.”

“Yes, it is.”

“The leggings really do help,” I said, spinning on my toes so my skirt flared out. “No chafing. No flashing.”

“You should wear it to the shoe store,” he grinned. “It would help picking out shoes.”

“You know, you’re right.”

Shoe shopping was a piece of cake compared to choosing office-wear and the party dress. A newer, cleaner rehash of my ankle boots worked well with both the trousers and the leggings, and we were out of there in ten minutes.

On our way through the mall and back to the car, I couldn’t help noticing the stares from the other shoppers. If being as observant as I was weren’t necessary to staying alive as a Hunter, I would have thought it an unfortunate skill—under the circumstances, I considered it unfortunate anyway.

I wouldn’t have cared if they were only looking at me—I was used to it. But they were looking at Gadreel, with his tall, trim stature and Roman good looks, compared to me and my stout frame, and were no doubt wondering what the hell we were doing together. Even if we weren’t together-together—that was unthinkable. No, that someone like him would even spend time with me platonically must have been as confusing as a Rubik’s cube or President Cheeto’s unwavering base popularity.

If I hadn’t changed back into my street clothes in the restroom, if I had still been wearing the dress, I would have torn it off my body and stomped on it with my dirty shoes for even thinking it made a difference. And I couldn’t yank it out of the bag and throw it to the ground, because that was the bag Gadreel was carrying.

As if sensing what I wanted to do the damn dress, he changed his grip from the inside hand to the outside, out of my reach.

“Would you like to find a shooting range now, instead of going straight back to the motel?” he asked as we stepped outside.

“Actually, that would improve today by, like, a million,” I admitted. “Are you sure you don’t mind? I know you don’t like guns.”

“Thank you for thinking of me,” he smiled. “I don’t like using them myself, but I like how happy you are during target practice.”

“That’s sweet, Gadreel,” I said point-blank.

When he kept staring down at me with his small grin, I made myself turn away and look around for the car.

“I think I know what special friends are,” he brought up.

“Oh, yeah?” I said, only half-listening while I tried to remember where I parked.

“Yeah, I don’t need to ask Sam,” he said. When I didn’t press him on it, he continued, “I think they’re what those couples were pretending to be. But they got lost somewhere along the way.”

“That’s an interesting way of putting it,” I remarked. “You’re not wrong, I guess.”

“I think we could be special friends,” he said, and I froze in the crosswalk like a deer in headlights.

Gadreel stopped beside me, with the same small smile on his face, and I couldn’t move or say anything until an SUV pulled up and honked at us.

“We’re not those couples,” I told him, walking fast, walking anywhere, even though I was lost in the Chuck-forsaken parking lot.

“No, of course we aren’t,” he agreed, grabbing my arm and stopping me on a patch of grass with a recently transplanted sapling, where we weren’t likely to be interrupted by a rushed soccer mom. “But what they aspire to… Don’t you think that’s already us?”

What did he mean by that?

“What do you mean by that?”

Smooth, Y/N.

“Forgive me for being so forthright,” he soothed, “but after speaking with those men, I can’t hold my feelings in any longer.” He released a deep breath. “I like you. I really like you.”

“Eep,” I said oh, so suavely. Suddenly, the bag of shoes was just too heavy in my hand, and it dropped with a soft thud to the ground.

“My favorite part of the day is when I can spend it with you. Even when we’re just running to the store for beer and pie,” he went on, and I laughed quietly with him. “I know today was rough on you. But thank you for bringing me.”

“You’re welcome,” my Midwestern manners made me whisper automatically.

“I don’t know what love feels like, but the affinity I feel for you is stronger than what I feel for any other person, or even my siblings. I had no idea I was even capable of feeling this way. Then I found the Winchesters again…and there you were. Such an amazing human being. How could I not?”

I opened my mouth to give him a hundred reasons, but he set his shopping bag on the grass and framed my face with his slender fingers, gently smoothing his thumbs over my cheekbones, and the tenderness in the gesture shut me right up.

“Even if you couldn’t ever reciprocate what I feel for you,” he said, “I’ve cherished every moment we’ve ever had together.”

Say something, stupid!

“I infinity you too,” I said breathlessly.

“There’s that sense of humor,” he chuckled patiently.

“I think I’ve infinity’d you since the day we met,” I told him. I had to break up our confessions with levity, or my heart would implode.

Gadreel used his conveniently placed hands to tilt my head so that he could step forward and press his lips to mine. I clenched my fingers in the front of his unzipped hoodie and held him to me until we both had to catch our breath a heated moment later.

“I take it we don’t have to go to the gun range anymore?” he assumed, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

“Oh, we definitely still have to go,” I argued, hugging his around his waist.

“Oh? Why?”

“Because I have all this blood, adrenaline, and relief pumping through my veins now,” I shared. “I’m a bundle of nerves and unexpended energy. And the thin motels walls are a disgrace to the construction trade, so we won’t be able to explore this infinity for each other to the…” I swallowed a lump in my throat, “fullest extent until we get back to the bunker. In two weeks.”

“Oh,” he realized. “Well…can we at least hold hands while we look for the car you’ve apparently lost?”

I grumbled and tried to push away from him, but he kissed my hair and held me fast, and I had to forgive him for his teasing. I was really rubbing off on him. And standing in his arms on that warm and sunny afternoon, I tried not to think about how long we had to wait until we were alone and could, you know, rub off on each other.

[chooseychildfree]

wow, fuck you. a snarky response to “10 Ways To Tone Down The 'Intimidation Factor' And Make Him Want You”

“Of course I am not worried about intimidating men. The type of man who will be intimidated by me is exactly the type of man I have no interest in.” - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

In which I rip apart this trash, sexist piece of garbage clickbait that I’m sure tons of self-hating women will share...

“As a matchmaker and dating coach in Washington, DC, a town full of sharp, successful, powerful women, I often hear the line, "Men are intimated by me." When I hear this, I listen patiently and empathetically, and then, when the time is right, I explain that it's just not true.

I speak with men every single day, and I have the inside scoop about how men really feel. Men are not intimidated by your success, ladies. They love that you are successful. In fact, they admire your ambition and accomplishments. What they don't like is the masculine energy you bring to the dinner table. What men want most is a feminine, nurturing, kind, caring, easy-going woman.”

And we’re off with the sexist stereotypes! First off, what the actual everloving fuck is “masculine” and “feminine” energy? Sounds about as woobie to me as crystal healing and ghost detectors.  I also love how this author completely disregards the fact that there is more than one gender, and that not all men and women identify the same way. I can already tell this is going to be a complete trashbag of an article.

“They don’t care what college you graduated from. They don’t care how many degrees you have, how much money you make, or if you can change your own tire.”

You sure about that? Because I’m fairly certain anyone I think is worth dating WOULD care about what I do, where I’m from, and what I’m interested in. It’s not so much an issue of elitism as it is...where is this person from, and what do they like to study? If you can’t talk about your interests on a basic level, where does that leave you? I guess dealing with your “feminine wiles” and “energy.”

“I often stump my coaching clients with the following question: "What is the number one thing that will make a man want to see you again?" The answer: "It’s the way you make him feel." Men are simple and straightforward. What they want most of all is to feel like MEN.”

And...what exactly defines a “man?” You see, men and women, despite our biological differences, are also socially conditioned to a degree that harms people of all gender identities. Assuming that every single cis man feels the same way about life, has the same values, and wants the same things is quite sexist, no?

“Inside every female top-notch attorney, investment banker and CEO is a soft gooey center — you’re a woman, after all. So get in touch with your softer side, and bring your feminine energy to the dinner table.”

Ah, here is the crux of it: Not only is “top-notch attorney” somehow inherently “non-feminine,” men find you intimidating because you’re doing “masculine” things like *gasp* WORKING and making MONEY. The horror! Someone get her a broom and a dustpan and take thee to the nunnery!

“Here are 10 things you can do to let your feminine energy shine on a date.”

I’m already gagging.

“1. Go home after work and change into something feminine. Then go on your date. Don’t wear your work clothes.”

What exactly is “feminine” clothing? What if my work clothes ARE feminine (to me)? Are you saying that work clothes inherently cannot be feminine? Yes, that’s exactly what you’re saying. I need a minute...

“2. Dress like a girl — wear light makeup, soft colors, a skirt or a dress and heels”

So...a MAN will be terrified by a woman in bright, vibrant colors and makeup? Sweatpants? Suspenders? Sounds like a little asshole to me.

“3. Let the man pick the restaurant (even if it's not your favorite).”

But why? That just seems like a dud of a date, going someplace only one person likes.

“4. Don’t be argumentative when you disagree with something he says. Agree to disagree and be a good listener.”

You can be a good listener and disagree with someone’s ideas, you know. I’m not sure what kind of on-the-brink-of-horrific-abuse your relationships are like, lady, but most adults that I know can have civil conversations without teetering on the edge of a blow-up.

“5. Don’t talk about work on your date.”

But....why not? Work is a big part of our lives, and it’s something most adults do all day, so it seems like a good starter for a normal conversation. What else are you going to talk about? The weather? The best position for blowjobs? I bet you don’t want me to talk about (gasp) POLITICS either.

“6. Let him lead (order for you, open doors, hail the cab).”

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel really uncomfortable when they notice a guy going out his way to do this? Like, it’s nice, I get it, but I lift weights, I can open the door. I can hail a cab. Like, I’m not five. (Shit, I could probably have hailed a cab just fine AT FIVE).

“7. Let your guard down. Be warm, genuine — be yourself.”

This is kind of a contradictory message. How do you “be yourself” but also be “warm?” What if you aren’t feeling warm? What if you are naturally guarded and let someone in little by little? It’s probably wise to keep some things to yourself on a first date, don’t you think? And how exactly am I going to “let my guard down” if I can’t talk about work? And there’s all these RULES? Make up your mind.

“8. Smile!”

Fuck you.

“9. Be appreciative. Thank him for choosing such an excellent restaurant and for planning a wonderful evening. Let him know he did a good job and that you had a really nice time.”

I mean...yeah, I’m not a complete asshole, I don’t need to be told to be gracious and polite. But I also don’t think this MAN needs me to praise his every little move and decision like he’s invented the wheel or launched a fucking rocket. That’s pretty patronizing. 

“10. Don’t send a thank you email, text or call him after the date. Let him pursue you. If he’s interested, you’ll hear from him – and soon.”

I just feel like, if someone truly LIKES you, if you really hit it off, you texting to say you had a good time will not make them go, “Oh no, oh shit, gotta put the brakes on it! WE GOT A WOMAN WHO HAS A VOICE AND ISN’T AFRAID TO USE IT!!!” At least, no one I think is worth dating. So many fucking stupid rules. And you want me to be genuine...

“We modern women are used to taking charge. It takes practice and a conscious effort to stop, take a step back and let a man take care of us for a change. At first it may feel strange, but after a while, it will feel good.”

ARE WE, though? I’m pretty sure I was socialized to be nice, kind, sweet, and passive, even if it wasn’t by my family, but by society at large. We’re not used to running things, to be honest, we’re used to fighting our way to the top and then enduring sexual harassment and misogyny once we get there. And if it feels strange, it probably isn’t a good thing.

“Men are not intimidated by your success. They crave your femininity. Tap into your feminine energy, share it, and you’ll have more dating success in the future.”

MEN are definitely intimidated by successful women. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t say stupid shit like: “Gee you seem so smart and intimidating!” or “I don’t like that you make more money than me.” Stop trying to dance around the issue, lady. Oh, and you can shove your “feminine energy” up your twat.

“Michelle Jacoby is an award-winning matchmaker and dating coach. To discover the mistakes that will kill your chances of finding love, download Michelle's FREE ebook "The 12 Mistakes That Will Kill Your Chances Of Finding Mr. Right."

Michelle Jacoby, you are a fucking moron.

[studio-elan]

25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time

Online dating can be super scary. You never know what to expect. Here are 25 tips for a first date after meeting online to keep it safe and fun. A few months ago, after deleting and downloading a dating app a handful of times, I finally decided to take a risk and go on a first date. I’ll be honest, it was scary. I needed some tips for a first date after meeting online! I was nervous, sweaty, and I half expected to be cat-fished or stood up. But, that didn’t happen. Since then I have been on quite a few first dates after meeting online. It is not as bad as you expect it to be. Sure, some dates are duds. Some are worse than duds, but with a bit of confidence, open-mindedness, you can feel pretty darn good about a first date after meeting online. [Read: Annoyingly common misconceptions about online dating] Should you have a first date after meeting online? Before I get into my tips for a first date after meeting online, figure out if you should actually have a first date. Not everyone you meet online is worthy of a first date. Dating requires a lot of time and effort, and you don’t want to whip out all that for just anyone. Whether you seek a deep connection or just a fun time, there are some questions to answer before committing to a first date. If you have dealbreakers, toss those out beforehand. I am not talking about someone chewing with their mouth open. Even if the date isn’t perfect, you can have a nice evening with someone without them being the one. But, if you have strong opinions about politics, feminism, or even your diet you may want to get that out of the way now. I have been on a date wherein the first 10 minutes the guy said something that turned me off so much I was ready to walk out. With a simple question about politics, I could have saved myself the drive to the restaurant and the nerves. So whether you can’t deal with a smoker, someone that loves electric dance music, or someone that believes climate change is a hoax, you may want to mention that upfront. [Read: Revealing questions to get to know someone you are interested in] Tips for a first date after meeting online Everyone’s dating preferences differ. Some people like a laidback first date while others prefer dirt biking or an escape room. But, from my experiences, these tips for a first date after meeting online will keep you calm, cool, and collected. They could even lead to a second date. #1 Keep it simple. I prefer coffee dates because I don’t drink, and you can stay 30 minutes or hours. But, getting drinks is good too. If that feels like too much pressure on the conversation, head to a bar that has darts or board games so you have something fun to lean on during lulls. If you go to an escape room or bowling, you are sort of stuck into an allotted amount of time. [Read: Your guide to timing a first date right] #2 Meet there. The internet is the internet after all. Go in wisely. You want to be positive, but you never know, so be safe. Drive yourself there or take a cab or Uber. Giving someone your address before you meet, probably not too smart. This way you can also leave whenever you want. #3 Have a back-up plan. I know I just said to go in with a positive frame of mind, but you also have to be prepared for anything. Sure, usually the worst that happens is that you don’t vibe and you go your separate ways. If your date is creepy, looks totally different from their photo, or anything goes wrong, have a plan. Have a friend call mid-date. Tell your waiter you’re on a first date beforehand and if you give them the signal they will bring the check out ASAP. Just think of a way to get out if you need to. [Read: How to end a date the right way without feeling awkward] #4 Pop a mint. It is shocking I have to say this, but from my experience, it needs to be said. Whether you are getting drinks, coffee, ice cream, or anything else, pop a Tic-Tac before you get out of the car. While you’re at it, spritz some perfume or at the very least rub on a fresh swipe of deodorant. Do not go overboard, but make sure you smell like you practice a decent level of hygiene. Bad breath and body odor are hard to ignore. #5 Have a story on hand. I always go into a first date with a funny anecdote. Maybe you have a date from hell to talk about. Even a work story or catfish experience. Have a lighthearted story on hand. Trust me, you will end up telling it. #6 Be no more than five minutes late. Ideally you would be on time or early, but personally, I hate being the first one to get there. That is when the nerves take over. No matter how rational you are, there will be butterflies and when I am sitting in a coffee house waiting for them to walk through the door I feel nauseous. Instead, I show up at the exact time we agreed on and wait in my car until they tell me they arrived. That way I am on my terms, can double check my lipstick, and walk in without the extra level of fear. [Read: 18 things you HAVE to avoid doing on a first date] #7 Keep your phone out of sight. Yes, you want your phone so you have an out if you need one and to show them photos of your puppy, but keep it out of sight. Even turned down at the table is a little much. Keep it in your bag or pocket. Sure, if they go to the bathroom, you can whip it out to fill in your nosy friends, but if it is on the table it will distract you. #8 Listen. Nerves can cause us to word vomit. You can go from answering a question about where you went to college into your dream job and future plans. Slow it down and remember you are getting to know each other. Instead of interrupting their work story with the fact that your brother used to work for the same company that they interned at, let them finish before replying. #9 Ask questions. I used to be so concerned with how I was coming across and answering certain questions I would forget to ask them any. But remember, this date isn’t about just you or just them, but both of you. If they tell you what they do for a living, ask if that is what they’ve always wanted to do. Ask how their major in English Lit got them to their job running a tech start-up. Asking follow up questions shows that you are listening and truly engaged in conversation. [Read: 20 ways to completely perfect your first date conversation] #10 Keep an open mind. This is one of the hardest things to do on a first date. It is nearly impossible to lose all expectations, but try to let some things go. It may be easy to let go of the fact that your coworker has differing political views or your brother-in-law still listens to Drake, but try to be open-minded. Sure, you have your limits and dealbreakers, but try to get the whole story. If your date says they live with their parents, do not write them off just yet. They could have moved home to help their parents out. Don’t assume you know everything about this person. If you do, you could miss out on something great because you were too strict. [Read: How to open up to people and welcome life in] #11 Try to be yourself.  It sounds so obvious to be yourself on a first date. Duh. You want this person to get to know you, not the “perfect” and agreeable you, or the chill you when you are more neurotic. If you really want to give this a fighting chance, be yourself from the start. But as I say that, I know how difficult it is to be vulnerable and just let everything out. If you are yourself 100% and get rejected, it hurts more than if you were a little bit more this or that. But if you do not take that risk of rejection you won’t find what you’re looking for. #12 Be respectful. This is one of those tips for a first date after meeting online that should be a given, but some people still find it acceptable to make sexist jokes or crude comments upon meeting someone new, when in fact it isn’t okay ever. So if your date wants a handshake instead of a hug, be okay with that. Respect their dietary restrictions, their allergies, their level of openness, and their choice to stay or leave. Dating is hard for everyone, not just you, so treat them how you want them to treat you. #13 Do not talk about your ex. This is a piece of dating advice that has been told for ages, and for good reason. Do not go on and on about your ex. First of all, it is disrespectful. Secondly, it is a turnoff. And finally, it proves you are not ready to be dating. With that being said, I think talking about past relationships is totally okay. You can say you learned a lot about what you want from your last relationship. Or you can say you have been more careful since you were cheated on or you take things slower now. Sharing what you have learned shows maturity, just don’t dwell or complain. #14 Give it a chance. Ignore the idea of a spark or instant connection. It is great when that happens, but more often than not that initial spark doesn’t lead to much else. A slow burn could be exactly what you need. Even if you aren’t initially attracted to your date, settle a bit. Getting into a good conversation can let you see another side of them. #15 Offer to pay. This is totally personal preference, but I always say you should offer to pay on the first date. Some men feel like it is the chivalrous thing to do and some women want to make sure their date is okay with them being independent and financially stable on their own. Even if you are fine with your date paying, making the reach is the polite thing to do. #16 Keep the drinks to a minimum. Going out for drinks can help calm first date jitters. But keep the drinks to a minimum. Order a glass of water between each refill or share some fries to fill your stomach. A drink or two can help you loosen up and be less on guard and more open, but drinking too much can lead to a handful of uh-ohs. From puking to passing out to making a fool of yourself, have a drink limit in mind beforehand. If you are worried you’ll get carried away, get there early and ask the bartender to discreetly cut you off after two or three drinks. [Read: 16 tips to make a great impression with your behavior on a date] #17 Make eye contact. I have been on dates where I felt just blah for the first hour or so. I just didn’t get that comfort I like to have with someone. But, once I stopped fidgeting and really made eye contact with them, that comfort grew. Eye contact can really spark an interest. It helps you listen better and even keeps you more in tune with the other person. #18 Make sure someone knows where you are. Here’s some more stranger danger advice. Tell a trusted friend, parent, or sibling where you are headed and give them the name and even phone number of who you are meeting just in case. #19 Don’t overdo it. I have done this and it was such a mistake. A first date should not be too long, and this is one of those important tips for a first date after meeting online that you should never ignore. I once went to get coffee with someone. We walked around for about an hour or so. Then, instead of parting ways, we went for dinner. The date went on for almost four hours. That was just too much for a first date. Because of that, he thought I was more interested than I actually was and it caused some issues later. Too long of a first date can blur your thoughts. Keep your first date under two hours. You are just getting a feel for each other. #20 Keep it PG. Again, this is totally up to you, but I like to keep things pretty basic on a first date. If you are feeling it, a kiss at the end of the night is sweet, but beyond that is not my style. If you are both into it, go all the way, good for you. It isn’t about being easy or too fast, but about what you are comfortable with. You could have great chemistry, but you do barely know this person. I always find that taking things slow keeps you thinking more clearly and things work out better in the end. [Read: The complete guide to help you decide how many dates before sex] #21 Be honest about your intentions. If you are only interested in a casual fling, make sure they know that. If you desire a committed relationship, fill them in. If you are just getting out there and aren’t sure what you want, tell them that too. You don’t want to lead someone on. Being on the same page is always smart. Also, at the end of the date, do not say you’ll call if you have no interest. Saying this was fun and it was great meeting you is all that is necessary. If you already know you aren’t interested, you can tell them in person that you just didn’t feel it, or think about it and let them know the next day. #22 Accept the outcome. This was a first date, not a marriage. So relax. It didn’t work out, too bad. Whether you didn’t like them or they didn’t like you, you have only spent an hour or so together. Try to remember this was one hour out of your life. I know with all the pressure, stress, and nerves, it seems like a lot is riding on that one cup of coffee, but it is just a date. [Read: 14 signs you’re unintentionally ruining your first dates] #23 Follow up. For crying out loud, please do not ghost. If you aren’t interested, they will be fine. Let them know you had a nice time but didn’t feel it and wish them the best of luck. If you are interested, text them the next day saying you had a great time and would love to do it again. Waiting around is no fun for anyone. [Read: The texting and followup guide after a great first date] #24 Watch out for red flags. I know I am a big believer in being open-minded, but some things are just not good news. There are some things you need to get more information on, but other things you need to watch out for. If they won’t tell you their last name, watch out. If they have a tan line on their left ring finger, question that. If they are a bad tipper, get out of there ASAP. [Read: Why you should run if you see these early red flags] #25 Reflect. After the last date I went on I was convinced he was perfect, but after it didn’t work out I thought about it again and realized that he said quite a few things that would become a problem later. I just ignored them in the moment. Of course, I didn’t want to make a scene or fight about something, but instead of taking these small things into account at all, I overlooked them. For example, he made fun of a woman who was overweight at the restaurant with us. I knew it stung me for a second, but the conversation shifted quickly, so I let it go. But if that was a regular thing for him it would not be something I was okay with. [Read: 18 signs your date really likes you on your first date] Hopefully, these tips for a first date after meeting online will guide you into your next meet-up with confidence, assurance, and an open mind. And who knows, you may just find the one too! The post 25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[russellthornton]

25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time

Online dating can be super scary. You never know what to expect. Here are 25 tips for a first date after meeting online to keep it safe and fun.

A few months ago, after deleting and downloading a dating app a handful of times, I finally decided to take a risk and go on a first date. I’ll be honest, it was scary. I needed some tips for a first date after meeting online!

I was nervous, sweaty, and I half expected to be cat-fished or stood up. But, that didn’t happen. Since then I have been on quite a few first dates after meeting online. It is not as bad as you expect it to be.

Sure, some dates are duds. Some are worse than duds, but with a bit of confidence, open-mindedness, you can feel pretty darn good about a first date after meeting online. [Read: Annoyingly common misconceptions about online dating]

Should you have a first date after meeting online?

Before I get into my tips for a first date after meeting online, figure out if you should actually have a first date. Not everyone you meet online is worthy of a first date.

Dating requires a lot of time and effort, and you don’t want to whip out all that for just anyone. Whether you seek a deep connection or just a fun time, there are some questions to answer before committing to a first date.

If you have dealbreakers, toss those out beforehand. I am not talking about someone chewing with their mouth open. Even if the date isn’t perfect, you can have a nice evening with someone without them being the one.

But, if you have strong opinions about politics, feminism, or even your diet you may want to get that out of the way now. I have been on a date wherein the first 10 minutes the guy said something that turned me off so much I was ready to walk out. With a simple question about politics, I could have saved myself the drive to the restaurant and the nerves.

So whether you can’t deal with a smoker, someone that loves electric dance music, or someone that believes climate change is a hoax, you may want to mention that upfront. [Read: Revealing questions to get to know someone you are interested in]

Tips for a first date after meeting online

Everyone’s dating preferences differ. Some people like a laidback first date while others prefer dirt biking or an escape room. But, from my experiences, these tips for a first date after meeting online will keep you calm, cool, and collected.

They could even lead to a second date.

#1 Keep it simple. I prefer coffee dates because I don’t drink, and you can stay 30 minutes or hours. But, getting drinks is good too.

If that feels like too much pressure on the conversation, head to a bar that has darts or board games so you have something fun to lean on during lulls. If you go to an escape room or bowling, you are sort of stuck into an allotted amount of time. [Read: Your guide to timing a first date right]

#2 Meet there. The internet is the internet after all. Go in wisely. You want to be positive, but you never know, so be safe. Drive yourself there or take a cab or Uber. Giving someone your address before you meet, probably not too smart.

This way you can also leave whenever you want.

#3 Have a back-up plan. I know I just said to go in with a positive frame of mind, but you also have to be prepared for anything. Sure, usually the worst that happens is that you don’t vibe and you go your separate ways. If your date is creepy, looks totally different from their photo, or anything goes wrong, have a plan.

Have a friend call mid-date. Tell your waiter you’re on a first date beforehand and if you give them the signal they will bring the check out ASAP. Just think of a way to get out if you need to. [Read: How to end a date the right way without feeling awkward]

#4 Pop a mint. It is shocking I have to say this, but from my experience, it needs to be said. Whether you are getting drinks, coffee, ice cream, or anything else, pop a Tic-Tac before you get out of the car.

While you’re at it, spritz some perfume or at the very least rub on a fresh swipe of deodorant. Do not go overboard, but make sure you smell like you practice a decent level of hygiene. Bad breath and body odor are hard to ignore.

#5 Have a story on hand. I always go into a first date with a funny anecdote. Maybe you have a date from hell to talk about. Even a work story or catfish experience. Have a lighthearted story on hand. Trust me, you will end up telling it.

#6 Be no more than five minutes late. Ideally you would be on time or early, but personally, I hate being the first one to get there. That is when the nerves take over. No matter how rational you are, there will be butterflies and when I am sitting in a coffee house waiting for them to walk through the door I feel nauseous.

Instead, I show up at the exact time we agreed on and wait in my car until they tell me they arrived. That way I am on my terms, can double check my lipstick, and walk in without the extra level of fear. [Read: 18 things you HAVE to avoid doing on a first date]

#7 Keep your phone out of sight. Yes, you want your phone so you have an out if you need one and to show them photos of your puppy, but keep it out of sight. Even turned down at the table is a little much. Keep it in your bag or pocket.

Sure, if they go to the bathroom, you can whip it out to fill in your nosy friends, but if it is on the table it will distract you.

#8 Listen. Nerves can cause us to word vomit. You can go from answering a question about where you went to college into your dream job and future plans. Slow it down and remember you are getting to know each other.

Instead of interrupting their work story with the fact that your brother used to work for the same company that they interned at, let them finish before replying.

#9 Ask questions. I used to be so concerned with how I was coming across and answering certain questions I would forget to ask them any. But remember, this date isn’t about just you or just them, but both of you. If they tell you what they do for a living, ask if that is what they’ve always wanted to do.

Ask how their major in English Lit got them to their job running a tech start-up. Asking follow up questions shows that you are listening and truly engaged in conversation. [Read: 20 ways to completely perfect your first date conversation]

#10 Keep an open mind. This is one of the hardest things to do on a first date. It is nearly impossible to lose all expectations, but try to let some things go. It may be easy to let go of the fact that your coworker has differing political views or your brother-in-law still listens to Drake, but try to be open-minded.

Sure, you have your limits and dealbreakers, but try to get the whole story. If your date says they live with their parents, do not write them off just yet. They could have moved home to help their parents out. Don’t assume you know everything about this person. If you do, you could miss out on something great because you were too strict. [Read: How to open up to people and welcome life in]

#11 Try to be yourself.  It sounds so obvious to be yourself on a first date. Duh. You want this person to get to know you, not the “perfect” and agreeable you, or the chill you when you are more neurotic. If you really want to give this a fighting chance, be yourself from the start.

But as I say that, I know how difficult it is to be vulnerable and just let everything out. If you are yourself 100% and get rejected, it hurts more than if you were a little bit more this or that. But if you do not take that risk of rejection you won’t find what you’re looking for.

#12 Be respectful. This is one of those tips for a first date after meeting online that should be a given, but some people still find it acceptable to make sexist jokes or crude comments upon meeting someone new, when in fact it isn’t okay ever. So if your date wants a handshake instead of a hug, be okay with that.

Respect their dietary restrictions, their allergies, their level of openness, and their choice to stay or leave. Dating is hard for everyone, not just you, so treat them how you want them to treat you.

#13 Do not talk about your ex. This is a piece of dating advice that has been told for ages, and for good reason. Do not go on and on about your ex. First of all, it is disrespectful. Secondly, it is a turnoff. And finally, it proves you are not ready to be dating.

With that being said, I think talking about past relationships is totally okay. You can say you learned a lot about what you want from your last relationship. Or you can say you have been more careful since you were cheated on or you take things slower now. Sharing what you have learned shows maturity, just don’t dwell or complain.

#14 Give it a chance. Ignore the idea of a spark or instant connection. It is great when that happens, but more often than not that initial spark doesn’t lead to much else. A slow burn could be exactly what you need.

Even if you aren’t initially attracted to your date, settle a bit. Getting into a good conversation can let you see another side of them.

#15 Offer to pay. This is totally personal preference, but I always say you should offer to pay on the first date. Some men feel like it is the chivalrous thing to do and some women want to make sure their date is okay with them being independent and financially stable on their own.

Even if you are fine with your date paying, making the reach is the polite thing to do.

#16 Keep the drinks to a minimum. Going out for drinks can help calm first date jitters. But keep the drinks to a minimum. Order a glass of water between each refill or share some fries to fill your stomach.

A drink or two can help you loosen up and be less on guard and more open, but drinking too much can lead to a handful of uh-ohs. From puking to passing out to making a fool of yourself, have a drink limit in mind beforehand.

If you are worried you’ll get carried away, get there early and ask the bartender to discreetly cut you off after two or three drinks. [Read: 16 tips to make a great impression with your behavior on a date]

#17 Make eye contact. I have been on dates where I felt just blah for the first hour or so. I just didn’t get that comfort I like to have with someone. But, once I stopped fidgeting and really made eye contact with them, that comfort grew.

Eye contact can really spark an interest. It helps you listen better and even keeps you more in tune with the other person.

#18 Make sure someone knows where you are. Here’s some more stranger danger advice. Tell a trusted friend, parent, or sibling where you are headed and give them the name and even phone number of who you are meeting just in case.

#19 Don’t overdo it. I have done this and it was such a mistake. A first date should not be too long, and this is one of those important tips for a first date after meeting online that you should never ignore. I once went to get coffee with someone. We walked around for about an hour or so. Then, instead of parting ways, we went for dinner. The date went on for almost four hours.

That was just too much for a first date. Because of that, he thought I was more interested than I actually was and it caused some issues later. Too long of a first date can blur your thoughts. Keep your first date under two hours. You are just getting a feel for each other.

#20 Keep it PG. Again, this is totally up to you, but I like to keep things pretty basic on a first date. If you are feeling it, a kiss at the end of the night is sweet, but beyond that is not my style. If you are both into it, go all the way, good for you.

It isn’t about being easy or too fast, but about what you are comfortable with. You could have great chemistry, but you do barely know this person. I always find that taking things slow keeps you thinking more clearly and things work out better in the end. [Read: The complete guide to help you decide how many dates before sex]

#21 Be honest about your intentions. If you are only interested in a casual fling, make sure they know that. If you desire a committed relationship, fill them in. If you are just getting out there and aren’t sure what you want, tell them that too. You don’t want to lead someone on. Being on the same page is always smart.

Also, at the end of the date, do not say you’ll call if you have no interest. Saying this was fun and it was great meeting you is all that is necessary. If you already know you aren’t interested, you can tell them in person that you just didn’t feel it, or think about it and let them know the next day.

#22 Accept the outcome. This was a first date, not a marriage. So relax. It didn’t work out, too bad. Whether you didn’t like them or they didn’t like you, you have only spent an hour or so together. Try to remember this was one hour out of your life.

I know with all the pressure, stress, and nerves, it seems like a lot is riding on that one cup of coffee, but it is just a date. [Read: 14 signs you’re unintentionally ruining your first dates]

#23 Follow up. For crying out loud, please do not ghost. If you aren’t interested, they will be fine. Let them know you had a nice time but didn’t feel it and wish them the best of luck.

If you are interested, text them the next day saying you had a great time and would love to do it again. Waiting around is no fun for anyone. [Read: The texting and followup guide after a great first date]

#24 Watch out for red flags. I know I am a big believer in being open-minded, but some things are just not good news. There are some things you need to get more information on, but other things you need to watch out for.

If they won’t tell you their last name, watch out. If they have a tan line on their left ring finger, question that. If they are a bad tipper, get out of there ASAP. [Read: Why you should run if you see these early red flags]

#25 Reflect. After the last date I went on I was convinced he was perfect, but after it didn’t work out I thought about it again and realized that he said quite a few things that would become a problem later. I just ignored them in the moment.

Of course, I didn’t want to make a scene or fight about something, but instead of taking these small things into account at all, I overlooked them. For example, he made fun of a woman who was overweight at the restaurant with us. I knew it stung me for a second, but the conversation shifted quickly, so I let it go.

But if that was a regular thing for him it would not be something I was okay with.

[Read: 18 signs your date really likes you on your first date]

Hopefully, these tips for a first date after meeting online will guide you into your next meet-up with confidence, assurance, and an open mind. And who knows, you may just find the one too!

The post 25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[boruphovmand15-blog]

Marketing and advertising on the internet has turned into a well-known way to encourage a business. However, in order to become productive, you will need to find out the appropriate strategies to approach it. Simply because you do have a website, it does not necessarily mean that your particular company will immediately achieve success. Look at the following for several suggestions regarding how to turn out to be a highly effective online marketer.

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As was stated in the beginning of the write-up, website marketing is really important for each business. Possessing a bad website marketing approach can destroy your business and expense you plenty of funds. It is crucial for business people to learn the most effective internet marketing techniques, and discover ways to properly utilize these methods to their enterprise model. Implement the recommendations using this report, and you will be on your way to effectively going online to market your business.

[fashiontrendin-blog]

GLAMOUR Beauty Club members share their genius hacks for beating a coldsore

http://fashion-trendin.com/glamour-beauty-club-members-share-their-genius-hacks-for-beating-a-coldsore/

GLAMOUR Beauty Club members share their genius hacks for beating a coldsore

Most of us have fallen victim to a pesky cold sore over the years and even if you’ve been #blessed enough to avoid one so far, you’ll still want to read this. Why? Because like needy ex boyfriends and dating app duds, they can strike at any time and can be a pain in the a** to get rid of.

Our GLAMOUR Facebook Beauty Community (if you’re not already a member, then why not?!), shared their top tips for beating cold sores – and they came up with some gems.

User Libbie M posted asking the community: “Anyone know of any home remedies for healing cold sores? I get them on my nose when I’m feeling run down and they’re impossible to cover with makeup, any good way to banish them?”. The suggestions came flying in.

“My husband swears by putting vanilla extract on a cold sore,” said Carlene S.

Jo M, meanwhile, swears by splashing aftershave on her cold sores (ouch!). Kiyoko praised tea tree oil, well-known for its antiseptic properties, while several users suggested popping to the pharmacy to snap up cold sore patches.

Isobel shared a lengthy piece of advice about a supplement she swears by. She wrote: “You can buy L-lysine from Holland and Barrett, it’s a food supplement that contains a protein that blocks the virus travelling up the same paths causing your sores (if you keep getting them in the same place).

“You can take a tablet daily as a vitamin preventative and when you’re feeling more run down and likely to get one, increase your dosage slightly so the protein builds up in your body and blocks the channels. Definitely good if you get them often and want to start preventing them, not as amazing if you already have it full blown and want to get rid of it, as it doesn’t effect the healing process if it’s already there.” We will definitely be taking note of that!”

One lady says her husband used to have problems but once he started to feel a tingle, he would drink a glass or two of milk. “He read outbreaks can be from acid imbalance and milk is alkaloid. Worked well over the years,” she explained.

Other savvy users turn to natural remedies to beat their cold sores, with one user preaching the benefits of coconut oil and lemon juice mixed together. Handy!

We’ll be using these tips next time we apply our makeup. For more top tips and honest conversation around beauty, be sure to join our GLAMOUR’s Facebook Beauty Club.

If you’re a cold sore sufferer, we’ve called on the doctors at AXA PPP Healthcare and Lloyds Pharmacy’s pharmacist, Nitin Makadia, to break down everything you need to know about cold sores, including what on earth they are and how you can get rid of them in record time.

What on earth is a cold sore?

Cold sores are small blisters that develop on the lips or around the mouth. They are caused by the herpes simplex virus (not as scary as it sounds), and usually clear up without treatment within 7 to 10 days.

Winter skincare: the best products & tips for very dry skin

Do I have one? How would I know it’s a cold sore and not just a spot?

There are no symptoms when a person first becomes infected with the herpes simplex virus (oh, great). Cold sore outbreaks occur some time later (so basically when it’s too late). Cold sores often start with a tingling, burning or itching sensation around the mouth. This is then followed by the appearance of small, fluid-filled sores a few days later.

Now for the important part: “The herpes simplex virus is contagious when a cold sore is present and can be passed from one person to another by close direct contact, such as kissing,” explain the experts. “After the virus has been contracted, the virus remains inactive, with occasional flare-ups. How often these flare ups occur varies from person to person. The virus can be activated by certain things; again, this varies from person to person but examples are fatigue, injury to the lip and even hormonal changes, especially for women.”

Can it be treated?

Cold sores usually clear up themselves after 7 to 10 days without treatment (phew). However, if you want to banish a cold sore fast then you’ll be pleased to hear that there are antiviral creams and patches available over the counter without the need for a prescription (we like Prevasore or Carmex’s treatment). “When correctly used, symptoms can be reduced and healing times quickened,” explain the experts. “To be effective, these treatments should be applied as soon as the first signs of a cold sore appear, which is usually a tingling, itching or burning sensation. Using antiviral cream after this won’t have much effect.”

The best lip balms to banish dry, chapped lips

Nitin’s top tips and advice for cold sores

START TREATMENT: Start cold sore treatment at the first sign of infection (as soon as it starts tingling, itching or burning).

STOP SHARING: Don’t share anything that comes into contact with the affected area, such as lipsticks or cutlery.

AVOID CLOSE CONTACT: Avoid kissing and close physical contact until your cold sores have completed healed.

BE CAREFUL: Be particularly careful around newborn babies, pregnant women and people with a low immune system.

WATCH OUT: If you or your child develops a gum infection during a cold sore outbreak, see your GP.

The definitive guide to beating blackheads once and for all

[robertdaviis]

Do Girls Like Shy Guys? – 10 Real reasons why women actually love them.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve asked yourself, “do girls like shy guys?”

…Because, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not always the most confident guy who walks into a room.

Well… the short answer: Yes! And no… Some girls do, some girls don’t. Let me explain…

Just like you have a “type” of girl you like, girls feel the same way about guys. So not every girl is looking for outwardly alpha male. However, this doesn’t mean a girl who normally likes in-your-face guys won’t ever date a shy guy. It’s all about playing your cards right.

But I get it:

for us shy guys (sometimes called introverts) knowing how to get a girlfriend seems a little harder than it is for guys who tend to attract girls left and right.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret: The key difference between a shy guy and a chick magnet is that the guy who gets all the girls knows his strengths.

And he uses them when talking to girls.

So while you might have been hoping for a simple “Yes” or “No” answer to the question, “Do girls like shy guys?”, the full answer is a little more nuanced than that.

And below you’ll find out why.

Contents

10 Reasons

What Women Want

How To Tell If A Girl Likes You When You’re Shy

Why Girls Like Shy Guys: 10 Reasons

  Even though the specifics of what girls like differ from female to female, most girls agree that certain traits are must-haves.

So what do girls like? What do women want in a man?

A guy who knows who he is and what he wants in life is basically what it boils down to.

Because that usually means he’s confident, disciplined, responsible, and has a ton of other traits that are hard to master but well worth the effort. And as a shy guy/introvert, you have plenty of time to learn them (if you haven’t already started.)

So here are 10 reasons being a shy guy is more attractive to girls than you might think.

Reason #1. Shy Guys Are Great Listeners

Everyone knows shy guys don’t usually talk much.

This could be thanks to any number of reasons or combinations of reasons from social anxiety to a more general desire to understand others.

And I think that last one is what really sets apart shy guys from most other guys. They often would rather learn about others instead of sharing their own stories.

So as long as you listen closely, ask follow-up questions, and show interest, you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to keep a girl talking to you.

Reason #2. Once They Open Up, They’re Great at Conversations

Of course, being a good listener requires a little give and take. Good listeners are still good conversationalists.

So learning how to keep a conversation moving is a skill all shy guys need to master if they want to get the girl. Doing so keeps you from being boring, and nobody wants to talk to a boring person.

Reason #3. They Don’t Always Have to Be The Center of Attention

Which is more interesting to you?

A person who lets everyone know everything about him immediately, or someone with a little more mystery? The same applies to many girls. A shy guy who seem to have a few secrets up his sleeve…

… Can pique a girl’s interest and keep her wanting to know more about him.

Reason #4. They’re Deep Thinkers

  Do you often find yourself contemplating the reasons behind people’s actions, your actions, and really… Everything?

Keep doing that. A guy who thinks deeply and critically about life is a hot commodity.

Why?

Because it shows he has emotional intelligence and a curious and creative mind, which lots of girls find interesting.

By even asking the question ‘do girls like shy guys’, you prove this one…

Reason #5. They’re Full of Surprises

Because shy guys are so reserved, much of their personal life never reaches the surface.

When it does however, anyone in earshot immediately becomes interested. Throwing everything about yourself at a girl right off the bat is a HUGE red flag.

So keep doing what you’re doing and feed her information about yourself a little bit at a time.

Because…

Reason #6. Shy Guys Have Unusual Hobbies

“I didn’t know you did that!?” is something you’ll hear often as a shy guy who has hobbies.

And that’s the thing…

… You HAVE to have hobbies and interests if you want to be interesting.

So learn photography or take up a martial arts class. Just do something in your free time that will make people (especially girls) say, “Oh, that’s interesting. Tell me more.”

Reason #7. Shy Guys are Less Intimidating

You may not think about it much, but girls can also be intimidated by guys as much as guys can be intimidated by girls.

So good news for shy guys: You’re a safer bet.

Here’s what I mean…

An outwardly confident guy can be so confident that it’s off-putting to girls. It makes them feel less important. So of course, a guy who doesn’t breathe obnoxious confidence is less threatening to a girl’s feelings about herself.

And because girls like feeling special, a shy guy, by nature, is usually an expert at making that happen without even trying.

Reason # 8. Shy Guys are More Genuine

Because shy guys are better listeners, deep thinkers, and are generally easier to be around, they’re naturally more genuine.

They won’t lie to a girl because they think it’s what she wants to hear. They’ll tell her the truth because they want their thoughts and intentions to be completely clear.

So as a shy guy, always be sure to say what’s on your mind and be honest.

Because girls love honesty.

Reason #9. Shy Guys Give GREAT Advice

All of that thoughtfulness adds up to critical thinking skills.

The more a shy guy thinks about the world and how things work, the more he understands his world, everything in it, and how things should be. Because of that, shy guys are masters at giving advice.

And once it’s known you give great advice, girls will flock to you to get it.

Just be sure to stay out of the friendzone.

Reason #10. They’re Extremely Polite to Everyone

Again, everything above adds up to this.

The thoughtfulness, the listening, and the genuineness are all traits of a polite and decent person.

And a guy with manners is something every girl wants.

Because as much as some guys want to believe it, girls aren’t actually into jerks.

They like a guy who says “please” and “thank you.” So always do that.

What Women Want In A Man

When you boil it down to the basics, there are a handful of traits that women want in a man.

The three biggest ones:

Attractiveness (Rules #1 and #2 are real. And if you clean yourself up, get some fancy duds, and have an engaging personality once you open up, you’ll be instantly more attractive to every girl who comes your way.)

Ambition (You need to have goals and methods to achieve them if you want to get the girl. It shows her you have a handle on your life and dreams you’ll one day accomplish.)

Confidence (This one is hard for shy guys initially, but as long as you muster up some confidence once you open up, you’ll be completely fine.)

If you’re interested in learning more about what women want in a man, follow that link and learn a thing or two.

How To Tell If A Girl Likes You When You’re Shy

Sometimes you can’t read the signs and you don’t know how to tell if a girl likes you. Or worse, you don’t know how to tell if a shy girl likes you.

Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.

Here are a few signs a girl likes you (follow the link for more signs!):

She immediately says “yes” when you ask to hang out (A yes is a clear sign she’s interested. If she can’t hang out on that date, she’ll try to reschedule.)

She’s playful with you (If a girl is playful towards you, teases you, and engages in physical contact, she’s 100% interested and you should ask her out.)

Her friends have heard about you (If you meet her friends and they say they’ve heard a lot about you, you’re already in. Keep being awesome.)

More Ways On How To Get The Girl

You’re not going to get the girl by simply sitting there! Check out these other helpful articles:

With our help, understanding women is easier than you might think!

We can also teach you how to get a girl to like you if you’re struggling with that.

And if you’re stuck in the friendzone, our article on how to get out of the friendzone is extremely helpful.

In Conclusion

So as you can see, the answer to the age-old question, “Do girls like shy guys?” isn’t as hard to pin down as you thought!

And those character traits you might worry about are actually more attractive to girls than you might have thought. Learning to open up sooner rather than later will help you get the girl quicker, but if you’re a shy guy, keep being shy.

Lots of girls notice and are interested in the mysteries of what you have to offer.

The post Do Girls Like Shy Guys? – 10 Real reasons why women actually love them. appeared first on Mantelligence.

Do Girls Like Shy Guys? – 10 Real reasons why women actually love them. syndicated from https://aspiringgentlemanblog.wordpress.com/

[junker-town]

‘The Bachelorette’ Episode 6 recap: Lee finally goes home, Rachel spews romantic word salad, people go on lots of boats

Thank god the racist storyline is over.

Okay, hello, we’re back. I can’t believe they made us watch two episodes in one week. It’s the meanest thing you could do to me professionally. BACHELORETTE RECAPPERS HAVE LIVES, TOO, ABC!!!!!

But The Bachelorette waits for no woman, so let’s dive back into this black hole. When we left off last night we were primed for the disastrous end of Kenny and Lee’s two-on-one date. The previews showed Kenny bleeding and Rachel crying. I am ... not excited about this.

EXCEPT ALL THAT HAPPENS IS LEE GOES HOME

After three episodes of Lee’s garbage racism, all the teasing of tonight’s episode as a big showdown was a pump fake. Rachel says she believes Kenny when he says he’s done nothing wrong, and she tells Lee she doesn’t trust him. She gets annoyed with Kenny after Kenny rubs it in Lee’s face that he lost.

Kenny unloads the most impressive series of swears I’ve ever heard:

Your browser does not support HTML5 video.

(Kenny is me when i find out The Bachelorette is on two nights in a row.)

Then Kenny and Rachel fly off in a helicopter and leave Lee sitting on a peninsula in the middle of Norway. He could still be sitting there. He probably is. There’s no way of knowing.

I do this recap completely chronologically, but I have to skip ahead for a second and tell you that Lee does not come back all episode. I was worried he might, because that’s what happened on JoJo’s season after she got rid of Chad on a two-on-one. Chad came crawling back to the Pennsylvania hunting cabin and dragged his hand down the glass of the sliding door like Leo DiCaprio in the fogged up car in Titanic, but ten times less sexy.

The fact that Lee, the human garbage can, is gone? That’s fantastic news. We can finally get back to watching this show as a silly, fun diversion from the banality of our repetitive adult lives.

HOWEVER: What is not fantastic news is that the producers primed this whole storyline as an epic firestorm between two mortal enemies and used racism as lighter fluid. Thankfully it did not result in violence, but that set-up was shitty, and even for this depraved franchise, a new low.

There. Now let’s get back to Rachel’s husband hunt.

KENNY FACETIMES HIS DAUGHTER AGAIN AND CRIES

Kenny FaceTimes his daughter for the second time in two episodes. Her face is painted like a cat, which is cute. He says he misses her. I have to be honest: This feels somewhat exploitative. I always feel that way when they put kids on this show — remember Nick’s little sister Bella, who appeared on like ten seasons of this show because Nick made an entire career out of going on The Bachelor?

Kenny’s like, “I just want to be with my daughter so bad!” but says he’s doing this for both of their own good. And I’m like, dude, if you miss your kid so much, why’d you go on a reality show where you knew you’d be separated for months to have a one-in-30 chance of ending up with this woman who is probably out of your league? But hey, he did get exposure, so maybe more people will watch him wrestle now. Or he can sell FitBits on Instagram or something.

Maybe that’s all way too cynical, but I just don’t have a lot of faith in this show these days.

ROSE CEREMONY

They’re showing Josiah being super confident about how he won’t get sent home, which means he’s going to be sent home for sure.

I can’t believe that this one white dude who definitely has hair plugs and whose name I can’t remember is still around. Ah, Matt, that’s his name. Anyway, I can’t believe he’s still here.

“What I see in this room is my future,” says Rachel. She’s such a good Bachelorette. She says what she has to say and sticks to certain platitudes. It feels a little stale, but then again, this isn’t, like, groundbreaking artistic programming.

Is Peter wearing a scarf? A la John Kerry at that Pats game a few years ago?

I can’t find a picture of Peter at the rose ceremony to show you guys, but yes, Peter is wearing a John Kerry scarf.

“If she doesn’t give me a rose, there’s something wrong with her brain,” says Josiah.

Josiah goes home. So does Anthony. Which is dumb, because I would marry Anthony in like two seconds — he’s a Fulbright Scholar, he’s hot, and he seems fun. SMDH.

You know who doesn’t go home? Hair Plugs McGee.

I’m not sure I understand Rachel’s taste in men.

ON TO DENMARK!

The whole crew goes to Denmark. Eric gets the one-on-one. I wonder if Rachel is allowed to have a cell phone. I know the dudes can’t, but can she? It seems important to be able to text your friends about the guys you’re dating and might marry. I don’t know how you even begin to date guys if you can’t text your friends about them.

Eric is so happy to have a one-on-one. I like Eric on this date — he’s dancing, bopping around. He says “swag, swag, swag.”

Dancing on the docks in Copenhagen! #TheBachelorette http://pic.twitter.com/PLOfDE1H4e

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) June 28, 2017

“I love sports,” says Rachel, when Eric asks what she does for fun. “So I just go to a bar and kick it with friends. Eat, drink, watch the game.”

Hell yeah, Rachel. Sports! Sports, sports, sports. Love ‘em.

At dinner, Eric tells Rachel that he always got good grades, wasn’t ever in trouble, and was “a cool square.” But he says that when he was young he never really “got love.” His mom wasn’t very affectionate, so when he started getting in relationships with women, he’d run away.

He’s falling for Rachel, though.

This feels like a big moment for Eric personally, even if he doesn’t end up with Rachel. Which he won’t, because Peter will, so I don’t know why we’re even still watching this. My biggest question is why aren’t they eating the burgers sitting in front of them? I never see them eating on these dates. They just sit there with the food on the table.

Eric gets a rose.

VIKING DATE

Rachel makes the dudes go on a group date where they row a viking boat. Now, let me tell you, as someone who’s rowed a boat before: it’s hard. It isn’t fun. They’re wearing these nerdy lifejackets that inflate when you pull the cord, which is not a cool thing to do on a boat (trust me, I’ve been on boats). You need a real one that looks like a vest if you want not to be a nerd on a boat (have I mentioned I’ve been on boats?).

The best part of this date is Tom and Morton, two Danes who do viking reenactments and pronounce viking as “wiking.” Rachel’s dudes are dressed up in furs and, this might be weird, but I think they look pretty hot.

Tonight on #TheBachelorette. Peter is quite the pick up artist...literally! http://pic.twitter.com/g94KPgjd1U

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) June 28, 2017

“The guys look hot dressed up as vikings,” says Rachel. Phew, I’m not alone.

They play all these ancient viking games, and Kenny and Adam end up bleeding from their eyebrows. I feel so stupid for falling for the previews that made it seem like Kenny and Lee got in a fist fight. Of COURSE the producers took something out of context for drama. That’s on me for falling for it, but also, it’s so slimy.

I’m still mad.

THIS IS BORING

I’m bored. Maybe they milked the Kenny and Lee storyline because everything else was so unexciting (that doesn’t excuse it). Bryan and Rachel are talking about their feelings in the typical emotional word salad you’d expect. She asks if his family would accept her. He says yes. They make out. Yadda yadda yadda.

God, Peter is hot. Rachel tells him that. They make out. Yadda yadda yadda.

KENNY GOES HOME

Rachel cuts Kenny loose when she can tell that he’s spiraling. Stockholm Syndrome usually sets in for a few contestants at about this time in the arc of a season, so his come-apart makes sense. Kenny is basically asking Rachel to tell him she wants to marry him and Rachel is like... I can’t do that, so you should probably go home. She says it nicely though. It’s thoughtful. She doesn’t want to waste his time.

WILL’S DUD OF A DATE

“I’m in wifey mode right now,” says Rachel, and I throw up in my mouth a little. She and Will go on a date to Sweden. They take a boat there from Denmark, and Will’s like, “It’s crazy to take a boat to Sweden.”

I’m like dude, how do you think people used to get across bodies of water before the invention of flight? You can take a boat to Canada from the U.S. You can take a boat from Europe to the U.S. You can take a goddamn ferry from Manhattan to Brooklyn. Do you not know how boats work, Will? They take you places.

The whole date is boring, and Rachel is pissed that Will won’t touch her. At dinner he tells her he’s a very physical person, and she’s like, so, why won’t you touch me? And he’s like uh...

She asks him what kind of women he dates, he and he’s like, white women, mostly. And she’s like ... okay. And he’s like, “Because I grew up around mostly white people.” And Rachel says, “Clearly I’m open to everyone, and I always have been, but I grew up the same way you did.”

She says her “mind is going a mile a minute,” and Will keeps laughing his awkward laugh. Will has a really bad awkward laugh (not that you can really have a good one). He realizes he blew it. Rachel sends him home.

She’s very good at sending people home tonight.

ROSE CEREMONY

We finally get a rose ceremony at the end of an episode! Thank god, enough of this “to be continued” trash. There’s a shot of a swan to signify romance. I love the idea of some producer being like, “Yeah, we need B-Roll of a bird. Can we a close up on that one? Ah, it’s diving! Butt in the air. Perfect. Thanks, Gerry, you get a raise.”

Our fearless leader, the always huggable @chrisbharrison! #TheBachelorette http://pic.twitter.com/gMuHDh1qr6

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) June 28, 2017

Chris Harrison shows up. His hair looks terrible. Maybe he and Matt have the same hair plugs guy. Rachel’s crying, because goodbyes are so hard. She quotes Hamlet, because Shakespeare wrote Hamlet in Denmark, and that’s where they are.

SHE SENDS ERIC HOME!

WTF? Rachel keeps Matt, Hair Plugs Matt the Construction Worker, but she sends Eric, sweet, vulnerable Eric, home??? My theory is that she’s getting rid of any guy she might like besides Peter so that she can focus on him and kind of fake her way through the other ones. Except for Bryan — he could give Peter a run for his money. Maybe narrowing the pool is a way of protecting herself emotionally, so she can focus on the dude she likes most without being distracted by other dudes she kind of likes. And also so that if she and Peter end up together she can be like, “Yeah I totally didn’t like any of the other finalists,” and mean it.

But: there are mostly white guys left now, and I can’t help but wonder if ABC was steering the ship in this direction so that the next Bachelor will be white.

Poor hunky Russian Alex goes home. Why would you keep Matt over Alex? Ugh. In the previews, it looks like Peter might manage to eff this up, but I think that’s also a fake-out.

Awesome. Cool! Can’t wait for next week. LOL. If there are two episodes again I’m quitting my job, moving to a farm in Maine with no TV or internet, and living off the land.

[myupdatesystems-blog]

Internet Dating Tips and Advice

New Post has been published on https://myupdatesystems.com/2017/04/14/internet-dating-tips-and-advice/

Internet Dating Tips and Advice

An online internet dating site is (in my opinion) the easiest way to find a partner in today’s world. With the ever-increasing technology aids, not only can you correspond with someone, but also see them in real-time. It used to be that an internet dating site was a taboo and people just didn’t trust it or the quality of people they might meet. But even so, you run the same risks as if you were to actually meet the person face-to-face. What is the difference? Well, you can’t smell a person through an internet dating site!

This article was written to give free dating tips and dating advice to those who are unfamiliar to internet dating. Or maybe you’ve had a couple bad experiences and are wondering why you are running into “duds”. My dating advice is not aimed particularly at either men or women but looks at both sides. I am not a psychologist or therapists and all dating advice and tips are my personal thoughts found through my internet dating experiences.

So why choose online dating services rather than conventional dating? I’ll list a few benefits:

Millions of people from around the world sign up for internet dating services every day. Also, there are thousands of dating sites coming online every day. So not only can you find a person to match your needs but also a dating service built around your specific need.

You’re in the US, you can meet someone from Australia

Find someone in a different state that you would enjoy visiting.

There are Asian dating, Jewish dating, Christian dating, adult dating, senior dating, hiking dating, dog walking dating sites and the list goes on.

Your search criteria can be more detailed, less compromising later.

What hobbies are they into?

What are their turn-offs?

What are their interests

People tend to be more honest through correspondence. You know the true person quicker.

You can still have an online date even if you’re sick.

It’s safe because you’re not in the same physical environment, at least initially.

You don’t need to meet the person until you are totally comfortable. Never meet anybody unless you are 99% comfortable.

The first date or 2nd, 3rd, and 4th should be out in public.

Let someone know where you are going.

Ladies, I highly recommend you bring a friend or double-date!

Do not allow the person to pick you up. Provide your own transportation

Bring defense items – pepper spray, whistle, GPS tracking device. Be careful of bringing weapons that can harm you – knife, gun, clubs…etc

Ladies, even if the date is going well and it’s the 1st date, DO NOT be persuaded to get into a car alone with him. If he is a predator, he’ll get agitated and possibly upset. If this happens, then CONGRATULATIONS you may just save YOUR LIFE and walk away now! A real gentleman will understand your fear and rather spend time with you than miss a party, concert or whatever. Just be sure to let him know prior to the date that you will not leave the initial meeting place with him unless your friend can come along.

Those are just a few reasons and each person will benefit differently based on their character and personality. The precautions would also relate to conventional dating practices and not just internet dates.

So what are some of the drawbacks of internet dating?

Do they smell?

Are they really writing or just cut-and-pasting?

Cameras and lighting can be manipulated to hide certain features (flaws).

The photos in the ads maybe professionally done or retouched and not be a true reflection of the person

As with the benefits, there are other downsides to internet dating that aren’t listed and will vary from person to person.

So who is the best internet dating service? That’s a hard question to answer because there are so many variables and there is no one best service. I say the best dating site is the one you find what you are looking for on. Luckily, most are free to join, although you will get limited functionality and features of the program. But at least you can get an idea of the types or kinds of people who have joined that particular internet dating service. There are more and more online dating services that are specific to certain groups like – people who are in the service, Christian dating, pet lovers dating, and so on. The major dating sites will have these people as well, you’ll just need to sift through the members to find out if someone shares your passions or hobbies. What it boils down to is that the more people to select from, the better your chances of finding a match.

So, does internet dating really work? Yes! It did for me. I live in the US and met my wife who lived in China. We corresponded for 6 months, sent pictures to each other, and finally met when her company came to the US on a business trip. We hit it off and for the next year, she came down to visit and a couple months later I went to China to visit her and meet her parents and family. Keep in mind that it could be expensive to go this route because of airfare and those sort of things. Lastly, she had another business trip scheduled and we got married during that trip.

Marrying someone from another country is not as easy at it seems. There are visa and passport issues, US Immigration forms and regulations, and much more. Most big internet dating sites will have a section to help with immigration issues. Things went fairly smoothly for us and we now have a beautiful 7-month-old son.

Internet dating doesn’t have to be about marriage and it will definitely differ for everyone. Maybe you just want someone to hang out with on the weekends and go to dog shows or a social outing or you want to go white water rafting but your friends aren’t interested. Many people just want to make friends and not really label it as dating, but rather companionship and someone to talk to.

Other people may just want a companion because they are going on a trip to another area and would like a friend or someone to show them around at that destination.

What it boils down to is – What are your needs and wants?

Some free dating tips and dating advice I can offer based on my experience that helped me find the love of my life and also general tips are listed below.

Be honest when you communicate

Speak from the heart, don’t try to be someone you’re not

Sign-up for more than one online dating site

Choose a general “big name” site.

Search Google or Yahoo by typing “dating dogs” or “dating armed forces” or “dating Christian”…etc

Only pay for the sites that you feel there are more than 5 profiles that match what you are looking for, remember most are free to sign up, but you will have limited capability.

Stay away from free online dating sites, you get what you pay for. The more serious a person is, the higher amount of money they will pay to find quality people. That means if someone on a particular dating site has the highest level membership (Gold Member) then they are serious about finding someone. 2nd to the highest level (silver) may be those who are serious but don’t have a lot of money to spend. Anything less is in my opinion “gamers” and just passing time. HOWEVER! In countries or areas that are poor and underdeveloped, they simply can’t afford to pay the membership fee. They are probably using a computer at school, a library, or friends, so you’ll need to be extra patient.

Stay away from ads that don’t have pictures or at least make sure they will send you a picture. Some people don’t want to be seen in fear of their friend’s colleagues or family seeing them on the internet. That’s perfectly understandable, just make sure you get REAL pictures once getting to know the person.

Send and receive many pictures, insist on casual setting pictures and not professionally retouched photos Be patient, if they live in another time zone it can be difficult to call

If they live in another country, get a calling card or use a webcam and microphone.

Since my wife didn’t have a webcam, my phone bill averaged $1200 a month and I didn’t know about calling cards.

Call your phone company and get a plan with better international rates.

There are more options today like VOIP (voice over IP) pc2phone that’s a lot cheaper and the sound quality is much better now also. Ladies, when you do meet, make sure it’s with one or more of your friends even for the first few dates. Safety first and if the guy can’t understand that, then that’s a RED flag!

Ladies, purchase some books on pickup lines, how to seduce a woman and those sort of things. If your correspondence contains many of what you find in a book, then the person may not be sincere. If you’re tired of finding losers, this is your wake-up call to find out why. Men, buy books on how to treat a lady. Buy books on how to seduce a woman, but only use it after you know they want to be seduced by you (later in the relationship). Be Honest! – If you’re serious and want a life-long mate

Be upfront, put EVERYTHING on the table. Too many unexpected surprises will kill the relationship.

Don’t try to be what you think the other person wants. You can’t put on a show forever.

Get a webcam so you can see and hear the real person. Sometimes you get a glimpse of their room. Is it messy? Are there naked people hung up on the wall? It can also be a lot of fun once you are closer and can be more intimate. BE CAREFUL! What you do on camera can be recorded and exposed if things don’t work out.

Make a list of things you absolutely do not like or won’t compromise on. For example, you dislike it when your partner drinks too much, does drugs or things like that. Don’t ask these questions straight out, but have them elaborate when they had a night out with the guys/girls. Just keep a mental note to yourself.

Make a list of the key things you like that make you feel adored and desired.

You like feeling pampered by getting breakfast in bed

You like it when doors are opened for you

You like it when girls pamper you

You like it when girls make you feel special

How does the other person perceive what making someone feel special is?

What is your definition of joy and happiness? Be Honest! I know I keep saying that, but it’s the most important thing!

If you’ve been burned once too many times, do a background check on the person. You can find out if they have been married, divorced, in jail, lawsuits against them, and things of that nature. It costs a little money but can save you years of heartache and disappointment. Some people may feel this is an invasion of privacy or a sign of not trusting the other person. I say it’s a matter of feeling secure and if the other person can’t understand that, then they are hiding something or don’t care about how insecure you may be feeling. Another RED flag! Online dating has evolved to where it’s common place to check on people. Have fun on your date but pay attention to

Do they open doors for you

Do they talk negatively about too many things?

Are their eyes busy wandering rather than focusing on you?

Are there too many lines or quotes from the dating books?

You may want to keep a score card or write down notes immediately after the date. Just make sure you destroy them all when you are exclusively seeing that person. Nobody wants to know they are being compared, but it’s a good way to make sure the person has all the qualities that are truly important to you. To be on the safe side, never ever write down anything relating to sex. The technique can be learned if the person is willing to satisfy you. Talk about it, if they aren’t interested in what turns you on, that’s another RED flag. Let us face it, sex is an important part of a relationship. For some, it isn’t but for the majority, it is. It’s also a two-way street. In order to get, you must give and if you give, you should get. It’s that simple.

Is this person someone you want your family and friends to meet?

And for the last time – BE HONEST!

I hope this article has helped and you feel more secure about online dating. I endorse it 100% and am not afraid to admit that I met my wife on through an internet dating site. It makes me feel good that out of the 200 or so other people that responded to her ad… she picked me 🙂 I firmly believe that internet dating is the most efficient way to start a relationship and meet people.

[beingmad2017-blog]

Online Internet Dating Tips and Advice

New Post has been published on https://beingmad.org/internet-dating-tips-and-advice/

Online Internet Dating Tips and Advice

An online internet dating site is (in my opinion) the easiest way to find a partner in today’s world. With the ever-increasing technology aids, not only can you correspond with someone, but also see them in real-time. It used to be that an internet dating site was a taboo and people just didn’t trust it or the quality of people they might meet. But even so, you run the same risks as if you were to actually meet the person face-to-face. What is the difference? Well, you can’t smell a person through an internet dating site!

This article was written to give free dating tips and dating advice to those who are unfamiliar to internet dating. Or maybe you’ve had a couple bad experiences and are wondering why you are running into “duds”. My dating advice is not aimed particularly at either men or women but looks at both sides. I am not a psychologist or therapists and all dating advice and tips are my personal thoughts found through my internet dating experiences.

Those are just a few reasons and each person will benefit differently based on their character and personality. The precautions would also relate to conventional dating practices and not just internet dates.

So what are some of the drawbacks of internet dating?

As with the benefits, there are other downsides to internet dating that aren’t listed and will vary from person to person.

So who is the best internet dating service? That’s a hard question to answer because there are so many variables and there is no one best service. I say the best dating site is the one you find what you are looking for on. Luckily, most are free to join, although you will get limited functionality and features of the program. But at least you can get an idea of the types or kinds of people who have joined that particular internet dating service. There are more and more online dating services that are specific to certain groups like – people who are in the service, Christian dating, pet lovers dating, and so on. The major dating sites will have these people as well, you’ll just need to sift through the members to find out if someone shares your passions or hobbies. What it boils down to is that the more people to select from, the better your chances of finding a match.

So, does internet dating really work? Yes! It did for me. I live in the US and met my wife who lived in China. We corresponded for 6 months, sent pictures to each other, and finally met when her company came to the US on a business trip. We hit it off and for the next year, she came down to visit and a couple months later I went to China to visit her and meet her parents and family. Keep in mind that it could be expensive to go this route because of airfare and those sort of things. Lastly, she had another business trip scheduled and we got married during that trip.

Marrying someone from another country is not as easy at it seems. There are visa and passport issues, US Immigration forms and regulations, and much more. Most big internet dating sites will have a section to help with immigration issues. Things went fairly smoothly for us and we now have a beautiful 7-month-old son.

Internet dating doesn’t have to be about marriage and it will definitely differ for everyone. Maybe you just want someone to hang out with on the weekends and go to dog shows or a social outing or you want to go white water rafting but your friends aren’t interested. Many people just want to make friends and not really label it as dating, but rather companionship and someone to talk to.

Other people may just want a companion because they are going on a trip to another area and would like a friend or someone to show them around at that destination.

What it boils down to is – What are your needs and wants?

Some free dating tips and dating advice I can offer based on my experience that helped me find the love of my life and also general tips are listed below.

Be honest when you communicate

Speak from the heart, don’t try to be someone you’re not

Sign-up for more than one online dating site

Choose a general “big name” site.

Search Google or Yahoo by typing “dating dogs” or “dating armed forces” or “dating Christian”…etc

Only pay for the sites that you feel there are more than 5 profiles that match what you are looking for, remember most are free to sign up, but you will have limited capability.

Stay away from free online dating sites, you get what you pay for. The more serious a person is, the higher amount of money they will pay to find quality people. That means if someone on a particular dating site has the highest level membership (Gold Member) then they are serious about finding someone. 2nd to the highest level (silver) may be those who are serious but don’t have a lot of money to spend. Anything less is in my opinion “gamers” and just passing time. HOWEVER! In countries or areas that are poor and underdeveloped, they simply can’t afford to pay the membership fee. They are probably using a computer at school, a library, or friends, so you’ll need to be extra patient.

Stay away from ads that don’t have pictures or at least make sure they will send you a picture. Some people don’t want to be seen in fear of their friend’s colleagues or family seeing them on the internet. That’s perfectly understandable, just make sure you get REAL pictures once getting to know the person.

Send and receive many pictures, insist on casual setting pictures and not professionally retouched photos

Be patient, if they live in another time zone it can be difficult to call

If they live in another country, get a calling card or use a webcam and microphone.

Since my wife didn’t have a webcam, my phone bill averaged $1200 a month and I didn’t know about calling cards.

Call your phone company and get a plan with better international rates.

There are more options today like VOIP (voice over IP) pc2phone that’s a lot cheaper and the sound quality is much better now also.

Ladies, when you do meet, make sure it’s with one or more of your friends even for the first few dates. Safety first and if the guy can’t understand that, then that’s a RED flag!

Ladies, purchase some books on pickup lines, how to seduce a woman and those sort of things. If your correspondence contains many of what you find in a book, then the person may not be sincere. If you’re tired of finding losers, this is your wake-up call to find out why.

Men, buy books on how to treat a lady. Buy books on how to seduce a woman, but only use it after you know they want to be seduced by you (later in the relationship).

Be Honest! – If you’re serious and want a life-long mate

Be upfront, put EVERYTHING on the table. Too many unexpected surprises will kill the relationship.

Don’t try to be what you think the other person wants. You can’t put on a show forever.

Get a webcam so you can see and hear the real person. Sometimes you get a glimpse of their room. Is it messy? Are there naked people hung up on the wall? It can also be a lot of fun once you are closer and can be more intimate. BE CAREFUL! What you do on camera can be recorded and exposed if things don’t work out.

Make a list of things you absolutely do not like or won’t compromise on. For example, you dislike it when your partner drinks too much, does drugs or things like that. Don’t ask these questions straight out, but have them elaborate when they had a night out with the guys/girls. Just keep a mental note to yourself.

Make a list of the key things you like that make you feel adored and desired.

You like feeling pampered by getting breakfast in bed

You like it when doors are opened for you

You like it when girls pamper you

You like it when girls make you feel special

How does the other person perceive what making someone feel special is?

What is your definition of joy and happiness?

Be Honest! I know I keep saying that, but it’s the most important thing!

If you’ve been burned once too many times, do a background check on the person. You can find out if they have been married, divorced, in jail, lawsuits against them, and things of that nature. It costs a little money but can save you years of heartache and disappointment. Some people may feel this is an invasion of privacy or a sign of not trusting the other person. I say it’s a matter of feeling secure and if the other person can’t understand that, then they are hiding something or don’t care about how insecure you may be feeling. Another RED flag! Online dating has evolved to where it’s common place to check on people.

Have fun on your date but pay attention to

Do they open doors for you

Do they talk negatively about too many things?

Are their eyes busy wandering rather than focusing on you?

Are there too many lines or quotes from the dating books?

You may want to keep a score card or write down notes immediately after the date. Just make sure you destroy them all when you are exclusively seeing that person. Nobody wants to know they are being compared, but it’s a good way to make sure the person has all the qualities that are truly important to you. To be on the safe side, never ever write down anything relating to sex. The technique can be learned if the person is willing to satisfy you. Talk about it, if they aren’t interested in what turns you on, that’s another RED flag. Let’s face it, sex is an important part of a relationship. For some, it isn’t but for the majority, it is. It’s also a two-way street. In order to get, you must give and if you give, you should get. It’s that simple.

Is this person someone you want your family and friends to meet?

And for the last time – BE HONEST!

[baburaja97-blog]

New Post has been published on Vin Zite

New Post has been published on https://vinzite.com/internet-dating-tips-and-advice/

Internet Dating Tips and Advice

An online internet dating site is (in my opinion) the easiest way to find a partner in today’s world. With the ever-increasing technology aids, not only can you correspond with someone, but also see them in real-time. It used to be that an internet dating site was a taboo and people just didn’t trust it or the quality of people they might meet. But even so, you run the same risks as if you were to actually meet the person face-to-face. What is the difference? Well, you can’t smell a person through an internet dating site!

This article was written to give free dating tips and dating advice to those who are unfamiliar to internet dating. Or maybe you’ve had a couple bad experiences and are wondering why you are running into “duds”. My dating advice is not aimed particularly at either men or women but looks at both sides. I am not a psychologist or therapists and all dating advice and tips are my personal thoughts found through my internet dating experiences.

So why choose online dating services rather than conventional dating? I’ll list a few benefits:

Millions of people from around the world sign up for internet dating services everyday. Also, there are thousands of dating sites coming online every day. So not only can you find a person to match your needs but also a dating service built around your specific need. You’re in the US, you can meet someone from Australia Find someone in a different state that you would enjoy visiting. There are Asian dating, Jewish dating, Christian dating, adult dating, senior dating, hiking dating, dog walking dating sites and the list goes on. Your search criteria can be more detailed, less compromising later. What hobbies are they into? What are their turn-offs? What are their interests People tend to be more honest through correspondence. You know the true person quicker. You can still have an online date even if you’re sick. It’s safe because you’re not in the same physical environment, at least initially. You don’t need to meet the person until you are totally comfortable. Never meet anybody unless you are 99% comfortable.

The first date or 2nd, 3rd, and 4th should be out in public. Let someone know where you are going. Ladies, I highly recommend you bring a friend or double-date! Do not allow the person to pick you up. Provide your own transportation Bring defense items – pepper spray, whistle, GPS tracking device. Be careful of bringing weapons that can harm you – knife, gun, clubs…etc Ladies, even if the date is going well and it’s the 1st date, DO NOT be persuaded to get into a car alone with him. If he is a predator, he’ll get agitated and possibly upset. If this happens, then CONGRATULATIONS you may just save YOUR LIFE and walk away now! A real gentleman will understand your fear and rather spend time with you than miss a party, concert or whatever. Just be sure to let him know prior to the date that you will not leave the initial meeting place with him unless your friend can come along. Those are just a few reasons and each person will benefit differently based on their character and personality. The precautions would also relate to conventional dating practices and not just internet dates. So what are some of the drawbacks of internet dating?

Do they smell? Are they really writing or just cut-and-pasting? Cameras and lighting can be manipulated to hide certain features (flaws). The photos in the ads maybe professionally done or retouched and not be a true reflection of the person As with the benefits, there are other downsides to internet dating that aren’t listed and will vary from person to person. So who is the best internet dating service? That’s a hard question to answer because there are so many variables and there is no one best service. I say the best dating site is the one you find what you are looking for on. Luckily, most are free to join, although you will get limited functionality and features of the program. But at least you can get an idea of the types or kinds of people who have joined that particular internet dating service. There are more and more online dating services that are specific to certain groups like – people who are in the service, Christian dating, pet lovers dating, and so on. The major dating sites will have these people as well, you’ll just need to sift through the members to find out if someone shares your passions or hobbies. What it boils down to is that the more people to select from, the better your chances of finding a match.

So, does internet dating really work? Yes! It did for me. I live in the US and met my wife who lived in China. We corresponded for 6 months, sent pictures to each other, and finally met when her company came to the US on a business trip. We hit it off and for the next year, she came down to visit and a couple months later I went to China to visit her and meet her parents and family. Keep in mind that it could be expensive to go this route because of airfare and those sort of things. Lastly, she had another business trip scheduled and we got married during that trip.

Marrying someone from another country is not as easy at it seems. There are visa and passport issues, US Immigration forms and regulations, and much more. Most big internet dating sites will have a section to help with immigration issues. Things went fairly smoothly for us and we now have a beautiful 7-month-old son.

Internet dating doesn’t have to be about marriage and it will definitely differ for everyone. Maybe you just want someone to hang out with on the weekends and go to dog shows or a social outing or you want to go white water rafting but your friends aren’t interested. Many people just want to make friends and not really label it as dating, but rather companionship and someone to talk to.

Other people may just want a companion because they are going on a trip to another area and would like a friend or someone to show them around at that destination.

What it boils down to is – What are your needs and wants?

Some free dating tips and dating advice I can offer based on my experience that helped me find the love of my life and also general tips are listed below.

Be honest when you communicate Speak from the heart, don’t try to be someone you’re not Sign-up for more than one online dating site Choose a general “big name” site. Search Google or Yahoo by typing “dating dogs” or “dating armed forces” or “dating Christian”…etc Only pay for the sites that you feel there are more than 5 profiles that match what you are looking for, remember most are free to sign up, but you will have limited capability. Stay away from free online dating sites, you get what you pay for. The more serious a person is, the higher amount of money they will pay to find quality people. That means if someone on a particular dating site has the highest level membership (Gold Member) then they are serious about finding someone. 2nd to the highest level (silver) may be those who are serious but don’t have a lot of money to spend. Anything less is in my opinion “gamers” and just passing time. HOWEVER! In countries or areas that are poor and underdeveloped, they simply can’t afford to pay the membership fee. They are probably using a computer at school, a library, or friends, so you’ll need to be extra patient. Stay away from ads that don’t have pictures or at least make sure they will send you a picture. Some people don’t want to be seen in fear of their friend’s colleagues or family seeing them on the internet. That’s perfectly understandable, just make sure you get REAL pictures once getting to know the person. Send and receive many pictures, insist on casual setting pictures and not professionally retouched photos

Be patient, if they live in another time zone it can be difficult to call If they live in another country, get a calling card or use a webcam and microphone. Since my wife didn’t have a webcam, my phone bill averaged $1200 a month and I didn’t know about calling cards. Call your phone company and get a plan with better international rates. There are more options today like VOIP (voice over IP) pc2phone that’s a lot cheaper and the sound quality is much better now also.

Ladies, when you do meet, make sure it’s with one or more of your friends even for the first few dates. Safety first and if the guy can’t understand that, then that’s a RED flag! Ladies, purchase some books on pickup lines, how to seduce a woman and those sort of things. If your correspondence contains many of what you find in a book, then the person may not be sincere. If you’re tired of finding losers, this is your wake-up call to find out why.

Men, buy books on how to treat a lady. Buy books on how to seduce a woman, but only use it after you know they want to be seduced by you (later in the relationship).

Be Honest! – If you’re serious and want a life-long mate Be upfront, put EVERYTHING on the table. Too many unexpected surprises will kill the relationship. Don’t try to be what you think the other person wants. You can’t put on a show forever. Get a webcam so you can see and hear the real person. Sometimes you get a glimpse of their room. Is it messy? Are there naked people hung up on the wall? It can also be a lot of fun once you are closer and can be more intimate. BE CAREFUL! What you do on camera can be recorded and exposed if things don’t work out. Make a list of things you absolutely do not like or won’t compromise on. For example, you dislike it when your partner drinks too much, does drugs or things like that. Don’t ask these questions straight out, but have them elaborate when they had a night out with the guys/girls. Just keep a mental note to yourself. Make a list of the key things you like that make you feel adored and desired. You like feeling pampered by getting breakfast in bed You like it when doors are opened for you You like it when girls pamper you You like it when girls make you feel special How does the other person perceive what making someone feel special is? What is your definition of joy and happiness?

Be Honest! I know I keep saying that, but it’s the most important thing! If you’ve been burned once too many times, do a background check on the person. You can find out if they have been married, divorced, in jail, lawsuits against them, and things of that nature. It costs a little money but can save you years of heartache and disappointment. Some people may feel this is an invasion of privacy or a sign of not trusting the other person. I say it’s a matter of feeling secure and if the other person can’t understand that, then they are hiding something or don’t care about how insecure you may be feeling. Another RED flag! Online dating has evolved to where it’s common place to check on people.

Have fun on your date but pay attention to Do they open doors for you Do they talk negatively about too many things? Are their eyes busy wandering rather than focusing on you? Are there too many lines or quotes from the dating books? You may want to keep a score card or write down notes immediately after the date. Just make sure you destroy them all when you are exclusively seeing that person. Nobody wants to know they are being compared, but it’s a good way to make sure the person has all the qualities that are truly important to you. To be on the safe side, never ever write down anything relating to sex. The technique can be learned if the person is willing to satisfy you. Talk about it, if they aren’t interested in what turns you on, that’s another RED flag. Let us face it, sex is an important part of a relationship. For some, it isn’t but for the majority, it is. It’s also a two-way street. In order to get, you must give and if you give, you should get. It’s that simple. Is this person someone you want your family and friends to meet? And for the last time I hope this article has helped and you feel more secure about online dating. I endorse it 100% and am not afraid to admit that I met my wife on through an internet dating site. It makes me feel good that out of the 200 or so other people that responded to her ad… she picked me. I firmly believe that internet dating is the most efficient way to start a relationship and meet people.

[russellthornton]

15 Signs You Need a Wingwoman and How to Choose the Best One

Even girls need a wingwoman sometimes. If you’re striking out when it comes to picking up men, maybe you need a little more help than you thought.

Having someone assist you in picking up a date isn’t just for men. Although the term has been coined “wingman,” it’s time for us ladies to take it back and make it our own. That being said, you may be in desperate need of a wingwoman and not even realize it.

It’s not easy to approach guys at the bar or even flutter your lashes to get them to come talk to you. It’s even harder when you’re alone and don’t have someone to help you out or point out guys who seem to be checking you out.

For that reason, having a woman tag along to help you out can mean the difference between a lonely Friday night or one spent on a hot date with a great guy. [Read: 40 fun pick-up lines to use on men to make him yours]

What does a wingwoman do?

You probably have this idea of a wingman in your mind as someone who makes up stories and lies about a guy so he can hook up with a girl. That’s pretty stereotypical and not exactly what a wingwoman is. A great wing woman will:

#1 Point out guys who are checking you out. It’s not always easy to see which guys are into you and which aren’t. You can’t have your eyes on every guy and it’s sometimes better if you don’t see them checking you out at first. That’s where a wingwoman comes into play.

#2 Introduce you to a guy in a smooth way. You may be a little nervous to introduce yourself to a guy and it’s a little awkward to do that anyway. Having a wingwoman helps because she can be the bridge between the two of you. It’ll be easier and much nicer this way. [Read: 12 easy ways to avoid a first impression catastrophe]

#3 Boost your confidence when talking to a guy. Having a friend there is also helpful to make you feel great about yourself. She can tell you how great you look and give you the confidence you need to talk to a guy and make him like you.

#4 Highlight your finest assets when introducing you. She will basically talk you up, without lying, of course. When she introduces you to someone, she’ll probably tell him a couple things about you. Those things will always be amazing and make you sound much better than you can make yourself sound.

#5 Assist in diverting you from potentially harmful matches. This is one of the best things about having a wingwoman. She’ll tell you what guys to avoid and can be your excuse for leaving a conversation that’s just not going anywhere good. [Read: 16 types of guys to avoid like the plague]

Signs you need a wingwoman

Let’s be real for a minute; not everyone can be smooth and confident when picking up guys. If you’re having trouble securing a date, these are some signs you’ll benefit from a wingwoman.

#1 You can’t tell if a guy is into you. This is a huge problem for many women. We just can’t tell when a guy is checking us out or if he’s into us. That’s because we’re just too close to the situation. A wingwoman will have a better perspective and can lend a helpful hand.

#2 You seem to go for the wrong guys. Let’s be real, some of us have a type and those types aren’t always good for us. Your wingwoman will be well aware of the harmful guys you normally go for and will help steer you in the opposite direction. If you never find the right guys, you need a wingwoman. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]

#3 You get nervous when talking to them. It’s a little scary, yes. Talking to a guy in the hopes of him liking you can be nerve-racking. If this sounds like you, then a wingwoman can help diffuse some of that tension so you can have a great time.

#4 You don’t know how to approach men. Not all of us are great at this. We can’t just walk up to a guy and say hello. You might not be the type of person who can approach men. You need a buffer if that’s the case.

#5 You feel better going out with backup. Being at a bar alone isn’t always fun, especially if you’re trying to meet people. If you’re the type of person who’d rather have fun with a friend in between meeting people, get yourself a solid wingwoman. [Read: 15 easy conversation starters with a guy you like]

How to choose the best wingwoman

Believe it or not, not all wingwomen are created equal. If you really want to go home with a date or a number from a great guy, you have to pick the right person to help with that.

#1 Someone who knows you very well. Your girl has to know you backward and forward. She has to know the type of guys you like and even the type you usually go for, but that aren’t good for you. The better she knows you, the better she’ll be at hooking you up. [Read: 15 signs of a best friend that makes them stand apart]

#2 Someone confident and cool under pressure. Your wingwoman has an important job and she has to put herself out there, too. You need someone who won’t get nervous or awkward around a guy you might want to date.

#3 Someone who won’t get too trashed and drunk. Because she’s supposed to be assessing your situations, she can’t drink too much. She also has to seem cool and collected when bringing a guy over to meet you. So don’t pick a friend you know gets a little too sloshed when alcohol is involved.

#4 Someone who knows your type. Once again, your wingwoman has to know what you like and also the guys you should avoid. They’ll be able to meet a guy, determine if he’s your type and also if he’s a nice guy, and then introduce you. Pick someone savvy in this department. [Read: The 20 kinds of lovers that exist in the world]

#5 Someone who’ll tell you how it is. You need an honest friend who won’t worry about your feelings. They’ll tell you when a guy is a dud even if you had your hopes up about him. It might seem a little harsh, but that’s the type of wingwoman you really need in order to find the right guy for you.

[Read: 25 characteristics to look for in a wingwoman]

Having a wingwoman might be your best chance at finding Mr. Right. The next time you go out, pick the best person to get the job done.

The post 15 Signs You Need a Wingwoman and How to Choose the Best One is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.