#be angry about how that doesn't matter
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest
like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!
#me.txt#jjba#i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me#ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish#i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused#i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking#popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a#pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom#every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw#joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly#or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt#equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his#praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so#peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes#around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute#i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early#jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's#completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a#flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy#i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable#i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter#jotaro kujo#joseph joestar#noriaki kakyoin#adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's#very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him#in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled
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Do you guys think that if Chosen ever learned of the 'deal' Orange made with Alan in AvA4, he'd automatically see it as Alan using it to indenture Orange to him and blow a gasket?
Especially if Orange recounted the deal incorrectly, or perhaps even if Orange himself misinterpreted or misunderstood it.
Because the original wording of the deal was "If you help me animate, I'll let you free so long as you don't wreck my computer."
Alan likely meant this to mean that so long as Orange didn't mess up the computer and helped him animate, Orange would be allowed to live on the computer. Which is already a little questionable, placing a stipulation on having a place to live. A very 'earn your keep' sort of vibe.
But the original deal makes no mention of RGBY or their role in everything. Honestly, it seems like they just kinda moved onto the desktop at some point between 2015-2017. But like most things with Orange, things tend to revolve more around them than himself, when it comes to his priorities.
So I don't think it's too out of the question to think that Orange automatically pooled them in with himself in this deal, and they became another factor of it when they originally weren't involved at all.
A common interpretation I've seen is Orange misunderstanding the deal, and thinking that if he helps Alan animate, his friends get to stay too. IE: If he doesn't, Alan reserved the right to kick them off or bar access to the computer from them. Placing a stipulation not just on Orange's own ability to have a place to live, but on his ability to see and have access to his friends. Turning it into a privilege earned by fulfilling the responsibilities expected of him.
Orange undoubtedly likes to animate with Alan, that's not an issue, but perhaps he still thinks that he has a responsibility to do it in order to maintain the status quo of not just his life, but all of their lives. Maybe he sees it as a sort of 'payment', in a way. Perhaps he doesn't even really believe that Alan would be mean enough to revoke those things from him, to do what is his right to by the terms of their deal, but there's a part of him that's secretly unwilling to chance it.
Or perhaps he doesn't even think the deal is active anymore. It's been so many years, after all, and they've ruined Alan's files multiple times (unintentionally) and nothing's happened. It could've long since become null and void.
But from Chosen's perspective, it would likely seem a lot worse than Orange ever thought it was. Perhaps even worse than ALAN realized it was.
Because Alan has put a price tag on Orange's right to even have a place to live. A price tag (potentially) on his ability to see and interact with his friends. A price tag on his nice, happy life. Maybe even a price tag on his very life.
And I think Chosen would be very upset about that. And perhaps even more upset when Orange seems confused about why he's upset about it, when Orange doesn't understand how predatory it looked from Chosen's perspective.
After all, it's not even a very big price tag. It's just a little animating. It's not that bad, and Orange likes doing it anyway, so what's the problem?
But at the end of the day, it is still little more than a ball and chain made of words and letters, binding him to doing what Alan wants him to do with the potential threat of ruthless punishment should he disobey or rebel of cause harm to the computer.
And really, what difference is there, between using a stick figure as a pop up blocker and using one as an animating assistant? Does the fact that he enjoys it really outweigh or justify the fact that you've placed a condition on his very livelihood since the day of his creation?
Yeah. Chosen would not be happy.
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#ava the chosen one#ava the second coming#Bonus points if Alan doesn't even remember the deal at all.#And he's just suddenly got a VERY angry Chosen yelling at him about something he doesn't understand and is very confused about#Orange was just casually talking about his creation day and how he and Alan didn't have the best start#and made the mistake of mentioning the deal which upset Chosen#So Orange just kept trying to explain how it wasn't that big of a deal while every sentence just makes Chosen see more and more red#Chosen and his habit of jumping to the worst conclusions and then violently acting on them instead of talking things out: Round 2#And Alan's just like: Ah so this is when that shoe finally drops. Knew it was only a matter of time.
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Nothing is more embarrassing to me than liberals who want to write off the entire south because it votes red. Sorry, but if you think the entire south is irredeemable and that none of the vast swathes of minorities in red states matter. That's embarrassing. Moving back to Florida has really radicalized me for empathy towards the marginalized people in southern states. We're here, and our lives matter, even if they don't matter to you.
#i was so angry the other day because there was dumb discourse about how some northern liberals think chappel roan shouldn't have#shows in red states#and someone said that the whole state of texas is irredeemable and needs to be cut out from the IS#*US#texas is a state with so many minorities but they don't matter to you at all. it's hopelessly gerrymandered but that doesn't matter.#the lives of southern people (especially southern minorities) just don't matter to these people#they paint us with a broad brush and say we're just as bad as our oppressors#it's small minded and hypocritical#oscar talks to himself
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as a jew, seeing what all of these israeli leaders have said is sickening. as a jew, anti-palestinian rhetoric is sickening. as a jew, zionism is sickening.
how dare my people -- a people who've been massacred, ethnically cleansed, dehumanized, forcibly removed, and discriminated on religious grounds for their entire existence -- do the same to another people? how dare we turn our backs on them, when they suffer like we have?
i understand that so much of us have been fed zionist propaganda our entire lives; the same happened to me. i understand the desire for a homeland where we don't have to fear antisemitism at every turn; i want that too. but it doesn't take much thought to understand that a homeland for us, which actively oppresses and kills another people, is antithetical to what we want.
if you, as a member of an oppressed group, believe that your freedom and safety can only exist when you oppress another group, you are acting no better than the people who oppressed you. such a belief is horrible, and cynical, and wrong.
as a jew, i want jewish people to be happy and safe and connected to our heritage; as a jew, i also want other peoples to be happy and safe and connected to their heritage.
don't call the palestinians "amalek". you are turning us into amalek.
doesn't the torah tell us to have empathy for those beaten down by the world? doesn't the torah tell us to make the world a better place? doesn't the torah tell us to free people of their shackles and help them escape oppression?
i have so many israeli aunts and uncles and cousins; i fear for their safety. of course, my parents do as well. i'm worried that this fear, in addition to anything they were led to believe earlier in life, is placing my parents even deeper in the zionist camp. but it doesn't have to be this way! my relatives' safety does not rely on the continued oppression of gaza!
it is easy to be uninformed, to be swayed by propaganda, to blindly hope that israel was founded in good faith -- but we can't lie to ourselves. a world steeped in senseless hatred (which we are now promoting!) could never be a home for us. none of us are free, liberated, equal, until all of us are.
as a jew, to other jews, i implore that we stand with our palestinian siblings. i want us all to be happy and safe. i want us all to live in harmony -- in the holy land and around the world. that is what we all deserve. <3
#melonposting#i apologize for not reblogging/posting much stuff about israel/palestine until now#i kept having this fear that my mom would see and get angry at me#but what do i care? i want both jews and palestinians to be happy#oh yeah. and i keep hearing the argument that 'jews living in the holy land before israel was established weren't treated well'#i don't know if that's true or not... but does it matter?#like of course antisemitism is horrible. but that can be dealt with#forcibly taking over their land is not the answer#like if israel were never a thing and people saw that jews living in the holy land didn't have rights#they'd do something about it!#and if you think they wouldn't (which is a fair thing to think)... well then you should do something about it!!!#don't solve oppression with more oppression you idiot!!!!!#no positive change will ever come to a world which doesn't think positive change can happen#and oppression is not positive change.#and it also pains me how so much of zionist rhetoric feeds off of post-holocaust fear#and i get it. i get that in the mid 20th century we were so scared and angry after the holocaust#and that we desperately wanted a safe haven#i will never not empathize with that fear and rage because it's justified#but that is no excuse to oppress another group of people. there are other ways to be safe and happy i promise#just stop hurting each other... please... you're not helping anyone...#palestine#israel#zionism
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KNY fanfic idea !
alpha/beta/omega setting - the idea is that when omegas go into heat, they instinctively go to the person they feel safer with. Their instincts know that this is a moment of high vulnerability where they can't defend themselves so they go to their most trusted person, someone they know will take care of them and protect them and be on their side no matter what. If an omega does not have such a person they usually go to the strongest person they know (this sometimes goes badly). An omega in heat will always know where their most trusted person is, no matter what. How ? Plot magic, that's how (if this was a modern AU idea instead of a KNY idea the police would 100% try to locate missing persons by making omegas in heat search for them). And pretty much nothing except extreme distance can stop an omega in heat from geting to their safest person.
Now that the system is established, here's the idea : Genya has his first heat after the final selection but before his canon reunion with his brother. And his safest person has always been Sanemi (it Does Not helps that finding Sanemi has been basically his only goal in life for years). So, obviously, he goes to find Sanemi.
And Sanemi is currently... In a Hashira meeting.
Because i always will be obssessed with Outsider POV, the idea is that Genya kind of just... Opens the door of the meeting room and simply goes in. It is immediately obvious to pretty much everyone what's going on - even without the very obvious scent cues, Genya has the dazed look of someone who is either feverish or in heat. And it's not even the first time a meeting has been interrupted by an omega in heat searching for a safe person - it doesn't happen often, but it has happened : the Hashira are very strong, and a lot of omega slayers feel safe with them (Gyomei, Kyojuro, Kocho and Mitsuri in particular get chosen as heat-protectors a lot). So the real question is who is this omega that no one (save for one, shocked into stillness) recognizes looking for ?
They watch him shuffle into the room, think for a moment that he's going to Gyomei (because the kid is scrawny and a lot of the younger slayers are not immune to the Stone hashira's big brother aura) and are, as a whole, shocked into silence when the boy stops in front of Sanemi, who's staring with eyes like he's seen a ghost. From what they know, no omega in their rank has ever chosen Sanemi as heat-protector (in their defense, Sanemi just does not let people in and his attitude is horrendeous). This is really surprising ! And, instead of directly going for a hug like most omegas in heat do, the kid stays standing and mumbles something that sounds a lot like 'i'm sorry, i was wrong, it wasn't your fault'. They know that Sanemi would not leave an omega in heat hanging, but it's still surprising when he heaves the biggest sigh they've ever heard him make and opens his arms, allowing Genya to bundle up into his side as if it's completely natural to him (it is). He then glares at everyone else (Genya fell asleep instantly because this is the biggest relief he's felt in years) and just resumes talking about recent demon activity like nothing happened and they all have to deal with Sanemi Shinazugawa having a scrawny kid cuddling him for the rest of the meeting.
(the more observant among them will notice that they have never seen Sanemi less tense, and that even with how hard he's trying to hide it, he's happier that they've ever seen him be).
#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#genya shinazugawa#sanemi shinazugawa#Sanemi was just stunned that even after everything he was still Genya's most trusted person#and no matter how angry he tries to be... Knowing that makes him really really happy :)#i love the shinazugawa brothers i love platonic a/b/o i love outsider POV therefore squish them together#ah stunned outsider pov my beloved#Also this is the small scrawny Genya bc i think it'd be cuter#dripping stardust#Now that I think about it Kocho and Gyomei would probably know Genya at this point#But it doesn't changes much
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Lately I've only been wishing to grab a comic about my favorite character and just have a genuinely good time reading it.
#I can't remember the last time I took a Deadpool comic and genuinely had a good time about it#I hate the direction they took with his character and it's so disrespectful that I don't even talk about I don't even think *any* Deadpool#fan genuinely talk about it because were so tired of his kids characterization we all just collectively decided to ignore whatever hell#marvel through at him#but rant aside#it's just–#I am not sure if comic books are fun anymore I don't even know who I am making content for half of the people on my notes haven't touched#comic book and aren't pretending to do so#people who read the comics tend to be so mean or bitter about it that even if you follow most will be angry about something#comic or fan related and I don't know if I can blame them but following that is draining#and as much as I was trying to be a good sport about it you make a post about comic book characters and#and the overwhelming response is 'I don't read the comics but'– following up by a take about them that doesn't even recognize any core#aspect of their personality that you can't even grasp you can't even recognize them#you can't recognize them on tue cannon you can't recognize them on the fannon#and no matter how engaging you try to make content about the fandom people just–*refuse* to read it. And then– they *refuse* to tag fannon#content as fannon#and *refuse* to leave either#Yes we are all having fun but how can a character tag be so so filled with people who have no idea of who they are#how can a character can be properly loved and take care of and have content that respect them if no one makes any attempt to *know them*#and it's disheartening because *comics* are supposed to be fun *fannon are supposed to be fun*#but for aome reason it's really *really* hard to have fun here anymore#I created this page to share my love for the characters I care about and see more content of people who care about them too#but I can't even *find* people who care about them any more and when I do they're all so angry and upset– And I *cant even blame them*#I just... I don't know why I am doing this anymore or for who I am doing this anymore#sorry to vent but it's been a while since I haven't been had a genuinely good time™ enjoying comics#I don't think even people who write those comics enjoy those comics or care about those characters#Sometimes feels like everyone is projecting on those characters rather than *writing about them*. And I can't find them anymore#fanfics used to be about love petters to characters who you love#nowadays seems like a competition to see who makes more funny words with tropes pre-written since 2007#vent
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Dear God how I fucking hate when people dismiss s character's traits because "that's just a facade! you as the reader have to see underneath it!!" like yeah no fucking shit Sherlock, a well written character has more than one (1) defining trait but that doesn't mean their most prominent one or the one most recognized by fandom ISN'T there
yes this is about people thinking dick grayson isn't actually a ray of sunshine, that it's just a mask. he's much more than the happy one, of fucking course, all batfam members (when written well) are, but that doesn't mean that being happy and bright is not a crucial part of his personality. he brings light to people's lives, he's a beacon of hope, that's what Robin was born for, as a light to Batman's darkness. That's what Nightwing is. He can be serious, sure. He's smart, an amazing strategist, incredibly good at fighting, he can be manipulative and morally gray and sometimes an objectively bad person. But he's ALSO funny and quippy and bright and sunshine. BECAUSE HE'S WELL WRITTEN.
Like Jesus stop making him so sad and wrong all the time just because you want so bad to go against "fanon". It's not fanon if it's literally his core trait. It's not fanon if it's what the character was BORN AS. God.
#I'm not sure if this even makes sense#it's almost 6am I haven't slept and I just saw someone say he's a manipulative bitch and to stop writing him as a ray of sunshine#and now I'm mad#because this parson had this lukewarm takes with most of the batkids#like yeah I get a lot of damian's traits and back story are deeply rooted in racism#but like he did try to kill tim. and he killed a bunch of people when he first got to Gotham. that's a thing that happened.#and no matter how racist the reason behind that plot line might have been#it's something that happened and choosing to believe it didn't happen because it doesn't fit your preconceived ideas of how#a character should or should not be is just plain stupid#you can explore the character and change their personality and play with them in fanfic sure that's what we all do#but don't pretend that canon doesn't exist. you can choose to utilize it or not but acknowledge it even if it's just to spit in it's face#damian's not tame he's not more chill than his brothers he's not misunderstood#he's a child who had a horribly traumatic childhood and reacts with violence because that's all he knows#Jason's angry and he has every right to be and to say he isn't is to erase an incredibly important part of his character#you don't get to tell a victim how to be a good victim. Jason's a victim.#dc#batman#rambles#batfam#batfamily#dc universe#dc comics#batman and robin#dick grayson#Jason Todd#Damian Wayne#nightwing#red hood#oh look I made a post about dc that is NOT about Tim#wild huh
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actually it's kind of funny how people will say Alex's fatal flaw is that he 'doesn't ask for help' and that it's his determination to handle things on his own that leads to his deterioration and eventual death when his whole introduction to the present-day timeline was a very literal cry for help that simply went ignored
#N posts stuff#like even if you think alex was lying throughout the entirety of season 2 and he was waiting from the Moment jay showed up#JUST to kill him (Which again i don't think makes much sense when he could have killed Tim & Jay immediately instead of#breaking Tim's leg. anyway) EVEN IF alex spent that whole time lying it doesn't actually change the fact that he would have at least#been Pretending to Ask For Help and if he wasn't lying then he was Literally Asking For Help and it doesn't Actually matter#what intention Alex had because the text is Ambiguous about Alex's honesty during season two; what isn't ambiguous is the way#other characters (specifically Jay) respond to him; like yeah - S2 Brian/Tim were never in one million years going to help Alex with shit#so sort of any argument that brings up Tim as someone who asks for/offers help is borderline meaningless in this era of the series#Jay had the 'opportunity' to help Alex (and i'll get back to that in a sec) but DIDN'T - Jay wasn't Interested in actually offering Alex#'help' bc Jay is ultimately curious about Answers and 'Offering Help' and 'Getting Answers' are two Wildly conflicting goals#Jay thinks Alex has answers and when Alex doesn't Offer these 'Answers' to Jay on a silver platter Jay gets pissed off and paranoid#and starts Stalking Alex bc he thinks it's 'Suspicious' that Alex won't give him the Answers (that Alex probably doesn't Actually have)#ANYWAY. ultimately this post is about how it's absurd when people argue#that individual character choices could have made a difference in the way this series played out - specifically wrt Alex#because EVERYONE in this WHOLE series are being affected by influences outside of their control ; including Brian Tim and Jay#so it's silly when people are like 'if ALEX had just made a different choice For Himself this could have all been avoided' WRONG.#bc Ultimately there's not really a way to 'help' someone else out of this situation - Tim tried and failed Repeatedly#the comics proved he even failed with Jessica - like MH isn't a horror situation where you can kill the big bad#'getting help' is a meaningless argument - what would successfully helping or getting help even look like? anyway.#the sub argument of this post is that Alex's biggest 'sin' is that he doesn't perform emotions the way other people want him to#like Alex is a character with a kind of flat affect - instead of LOOKING scared or grieved he LOOKS bored or angry#and everyone judges him based on that - so Alex is 'Suspicious' he's 'Lying' he's 'Guilty' but all of these deductions are predicated#on the belief that Alex isn't reacting to his circumstances the way a 'Normal' person would - so it MUST all be an act and so he's guilty#so everyone treats him like he's guilty until the end of season two when he's like 'Fuck it FINE i'll be guilty then' and so it goes#not a self-fulfilled prophecy but being Cornered Into a prophecy and then Blamed for it - SAD. anyway
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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It's that time again where a random song makes me think of a wof character, this time it's Homesick by Noah Kahan with Flame
Do what you want with that information
#idk. just how the song is about hating where you're stuck but still feeling unable to leave no matter how much you hate that place#yeah I'm probably projecting but I feel that since he got so used living with the talons that he doesn't know what to do with himself now-#that he's not needed to act as backup anymore#that plus I feel the song's sad yet angry energy captures him well#wof#wings of fire#flame wof#phoenix rereads wof#might come back to this when I have a refresher on all the flame stuff but yeah. there you go#random song relation time
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AAAAAAND IT'S HEADACHE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR
#i am going to finish my schoolwork and play stardew valley i am going to finish my schoolwork an play stardew valley I AM GOING TO-#currently i have a bad cold and i'm running on like 3 hours of sleep and i am trying not to feed into the manic episode#i was veeeeeeery manic yesterday lmao#the great thing is i can manage one disorder with the other LMAO out here rocking and hand waving to make myself normal long enough#to fucking RETOPOLOGIZE this fucking SHIRT#the great thing about bpd episodes also is the fact you'll be having a great awesome high energy time#and then your brain goes 'you should kill yourself! :D :D :D'#like with that tone#my inner monologue just going 'wow everything is soooo great! die!'#i mean realistically there's very little difference between the extreme energy and the extreme self hatred to me it's all just the same#it's the ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i think bpd is best known for short extremely variable bursts of emotion but like#all of those emotions are the same episode right#so if i'm super happy and then angry and then depressed it's all the exact same#sometimes i get like. exact opposite thoughts in my head 2 seconds apart repeating back and forth#it's very overwhelming!#but the fun thing about prolonged episodes is that once you know you're in one you can kinda just keep doing your thing but acting weird#like i don't know how to get out of this episode but it doesn't matter cause i can still do my dang homework right#the homework is getting done#anyway uhhhhh sorry about the mile of tags!#did i mention! episode!!
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I think purity culture has ruined fandoms: everyone is so ansty to prove how pure they are that they attack and harass people horribly and call it "activism". Be it people attacking teenagers in the Marauders fandom because there's this new rule you can't even write the words Harry Potter without summoning a hoard of naysayers who accuse you of endorsing holocaust or some shit just for liking something linked with Miss Black Mold, or be it people harassing SA victims who still dare say they find solace in their old NG's fandoms, in the stories they loved and made theirs from their childhoods or as adults. This uglyness that runs into tumblr and is infecting every fandom, every social media actually, is so fucking gross. Putting the blame of the evils of consumerism or rich people onto the single person reeks of late stage activism. No one knows what to do anymore, so we start eating each others, and then purity culture morphs into these extreme forms of harassment, that are becoming more and more normal by the day.
I'm starting to get tired of the internet as a whole.
#rant#fandoms#ng#cw sa mention#yes this is about harry potter#yes even coraline or good omens or sandman or whatever#I've been angry at this stupid culture for years and now I'm getting so sick of it#I'm blocking anyone who says you endorse this or that for just still *liking* your childhood book or whatever#if you care so much about a cause make a donation or an informative post- be proactive and constructive- BUT ->#if you take these causes as an excuse to be a fucking bully you're just a fucking pathetic excuse of a bully for sending hate and d. threat#rowling#hp#y'all wanna close yourself in the bubble of persecution where “no one is doing anything about this! I'm the only one doing something!” ?#and use this last-hero-left-on-Earth-syndrome to start harassing heavily anyone who doesn't agree (for ex) that liking HP=being transphobic#well drown in your own hate with your own peers-I'm done listening to these people or trying to be lenient and understand their pov#no matter how good your cause is-if you back it up with hate and bullying and psychopathy you're only hurting the cause-not even helping it#I'm still laughing at that person who said that going around with a ratty 10 years old HP keychain means you're “advertising” the HP books#because someone could see your keychain and get inspired to buy HP merch or the books giving Rowling money-same with tattoos#this level of craziness is... something else#edit: in the year of the lord 2024 I finally learnt how to make my stupid rants unrebloggable#amazing#I finally have the possibility to rant a bit and then it doesn't risk going around accidentally lol#without making it private and then losing it in the sea of posts
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oh. oh.. oh immmm so tired ofbeing angry. oh im sooooooo tiredd o fbeing angry oh my god oh my god
#tell me this is a goddamn joke or oath isnt going to like what happens next#youret elling me we. we were looking forward to theweekend and sleeping in and talking to our friends and having time for ourselves andd#okay i csndt we cant we cant we what are you talkingabouttttt. whatsre yuotalking aboutttttttttttt#you want us. you spring this on us you can't spontaneously tell us we have to go to a family gathering wake up at 6am romorrow and#ONE OF THOSE FUCKIGNF MEN PULLED A DAMN GUN ON HIS WIFE AND KIDS AND WEEE HAVE TO GO PICK APPLES WITH HIM??#KNOWING THAT?? YOU WANTKTUS TO GO ON A PICNIC BE A HAPPY FAMILY TOGETHRE AND#doES IT NOT ENDD DOES IT NEVER END WILL IT NEVER END#TOMORROW??? TOMORROW????? YOU TELL US THIS TODAY?? NO PREP NO NOTHING WAKGIGN UP AT 6 AM TOMORROW TO GO WITH OUR STUPDINS ASS COUSINS#WE GO TO HELL SCHOOL THE WHOLE WEEK AND THE SINGLE DAY WE HAVE TO REST YOU JUST?? THRERE IS NO ACTION DDRASTIC ENOUGH TO SHOW HOW ANGRY IAM#CAN YOU LET US REST CAN YOU LET US REST AUGUST YOUHAVE BEEN NOTHGIN BUT HELL AND I AND WE CANT I#right okay back to it then. as always it doesn't matter. we go we act neurotypical we lie about school we babysit the kids we waste spoons#and then sunday we have laundry day and then monday its back to the school that hates us and then another week and another andd#ohhhh we need to cry i think we needto go back to sleep its never going to end#[three of swords]#<- WE'RE SO TIRED OF USING THIS TAG. WE FEEL SO NEGATIVE ALL THE TIME WE KEEP BRINGING PEOPLE DOWN#WE'RE SORRY YOU CAUGHT US AT A BAD TIME YOU'RE CATCHING THE TAIL END OF A STAR BURNING OUT AND DYING.#and you deserve better you deserve better
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google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power
#edit: warning the tags get pretty personal whoops. however tumblr is like a diary to me so. but if discussions of father issues arent for u#it's not anything he's directly said but like. when we talk about it i can tell he's clinging to this like#image of musk as this inventor working for the good of humanity#because he's admired him for a long time and like i get it it's hard to let go of your heroes when it turns out they're trash#but. he's always been trash. is the thing. and i've been saying this.#and it would be nice to feel some solidarity! or support! or empathy idk!#and not like. lectures why tesla is actually progressive or why spacex is the best thing to happen to science since fucking penicillin#and sometimes ppl who push the world towards progress rub people the wrong way#god like. we were in the car the other day talking about it and i mentioned tesla moving to texas bc of the law protecting trans kids#and he mumbled something like well sure yeah he said that but Really... really it's about the taxes......#okay!! who give a shit! that's not the point! the point is that he's got fucking legions of alt right fanboys who hang off his every word#so when he says something that is good for trans people is actually dangerous and bad and hurts kids#and when he openly publicly deadnames and misgenders and LIES about his TRANS DAUGHTER. it's fucking dangerous! and it makes trans people#(IE ME. YOUR CHILD.)#feel unsafe!#it should get you angry! it should make you rethink how you saw him previously! it should make you want to stop supporting him!#idk. i mean my dad has never been like. against me being trans. and he's worked really hard on the pronouns and not deadnaming me#but it's stuff like this where it feels like he doesn't grasp how he's de-prioritizing my perspective as a trans person and.#his Child.#and how his first reaction to me starting t was 'no.. why would you do that :('#it just feels bad. i love him so much but it's shit like this that makes me feel like i don't matter to him or like i'm disappointing him#and then he gets confused when i tell him that i feel that way#wow! sorry for this. i should get serious about finding a therapist i dont think i knew i felt all this until i typed it out#im gonna add a tag at the beginning of this. as a warning. lolololol. lol. anyway#got 2 pick up my t tomorrow and also email my dr for more wellbutrin haha slay! hit the slay button. dispenses ssris.#god i'm so tired sorry i'm delirious actually. also i saw my brother this weekend which was so nice and he's such a weirdo which also#makes me weirder by proxy
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#i can't live like this anymore.#no matter what happens it's always my fault. it can never be anyone else's. and when i try to contest that i get treated like a rabid dog#so youre saying the only role im fit for is 'alcoholic shut in?' is that what you're implying? because that's what it seems like#i can't believe i ever fooled myself into thinking anything would change as long as im here.#no matter how much medication i take this town will always make me fantasize about making myself suffer.#it's a black hole. it's a well of misery. no light escapes and it taints everything inside. i can't have anything good here#i know there's something wrong with me. i get it. but it's like being here makes it worse#im a bad person. i don't want to be a good person. it doesn't feel bad. it just feels warm.#but i can take that and put it in a box when im not here. but its like this place IS the box and when im here it just festers#and because of that i can't ever be taken seriously when i have a problem. im always too emotional and too angry and too sensitive#and even if I wasn't any of those things they wouldn't take me seriously anyway.#it's one thing to say your kitchen doesn't have a problem with women and it's another thing entirely to stay true to that.#if a ticket is too slow it's my fault. if the temp on a steak is wrong it's my (female) coworker's fault. if something's not organized#it's one of the girls that left it that way. always.#but whenever the guys have problems it's 'just how it is' but when uts any of us it warrants a talking to every time#if i were normal it wouldn't bother me this much but im not and it does. and no amount of reasoning will ever change a man's mind#this was good while it lasted but i need to leave. my life depends on it. i can't survive here.
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