#bc what if it goes back to that state of chaos i just cant i hate when im in that state i cant think logically
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yall.. ive been gathering up energy since the semester ended and i finally cleaned out my fridge today.. there was over 20 dishes to wash and a 30 gallon trash bag filled completely i also broomed and mopped my room and the kitchen and wiped down the counters
#it was insane bro#i cant believe i was living like that#like wow i knew livoing alone was gonna cause some chaos but this might be the worst it ever got so far#fortunately i am moving soon#so i think that will help a lot of things#for one i think theres a dishwasher (hopefully it works)and laundry in the building#two its 20 minutes from my school#three the layout is much smaller so it will be less cleaning#the layout is also a favorite of mine from other places ive lived so i think i'll even enjoy cleaning..#bathroom is also my favorite layout so cleaning it and myself should be more approachable as well#overall if theres no hidden horrors in that place i should be much better off#also back in my favorite neighborhood so im happy about that very much#anyways i feel like ive been living in such chaos the last semester and now im resetting and its good but also im worried#bc what if it goes back to that state of chaos i just cant i hate when im in that state i cant think logically#and when i cant think money gets wasted and i feel like shit from not taking proper care#overall bad experience and i just want long term goodness and stability man#ive had enough last semester had to wake up early too much and classes were WAY TOO LONG ive learned 1.5 hr class 2x a week is better for m#actually audhd#actually adhd#actually autistic#🧃#but one step at a time right.. i can do it..#i wonder how much adhd meds would help#if only i could get DIAGNOSED somewhere grrrrrrrr#i bet they would help with the executive dysfunction#which is the main issue#and maybe i need to start paying more attention to my sensory needs so i use up spoons slower#i was doing more of that last spring and it was a good semester despite the stress from that chemistry class#this semester is all my favorite subjects and only 4 classes#earliest class is @ 11 and thats only twice a week
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Can you tell us more about the Childhood Friends AU?
yeas
i guess i'll give some lil details abt it. this is gonna be long so under the cut it goes
sonic and scourge (also sonic at the time) meet each other when a portal opens up between their dimensions when theyre both about 10 years old. they both are pretty attuned to changes in their world, so they find it at the same time and are like "What The Heck You're Me!" but they hit it off pretty quickly bc they figure out the other one is just as fast as them and they race and a bond is formed.. they decide to call each other nicknames (buckles for prime sonic, shades for alt sonic bc at the time he's wearing the leather jacket + boots + shades) just to make things easier
for a little more context, in this au moebius is more like just. mobius but a little to the left. its not an opposite world like it is in canon, its just kinda...Different? if that makes sense? so shades isnt Nice, hes kind of a dick and he's rude, but he's not evil or malicious
buckles finds out after a while that shades has...not the best home life. his dad fuckin sucks. so shades stays with him and his nonna a lot (buckles' parents are gone already and he ends up staying with this sweet old cat lady he calls his nonna). this eventually culiminates into an awful thing when theyre about 14--shades ends up being pushed to the point of where he actually kills his dad. he doesnt show up for weeks, and buckles is worried, but he eventually shows up again, but hes different. hes not okay. and suddenly hes talking about how they cant be friends, how hes going to leave and never come back. and they have their first fight, which ends with shades leaving and buckles being left alone and devastated
they dont meet again until a couple years later when theyre both 16. shades had eventually returned to mobius and had been crashing there for a while, but he was stirring up trouble under the name of sonic. prime sonic finds him on angel island--apparently he had caused so much trouble that even sonic's enemies were targeting him now, so he wanted to use the master emerald to gain power so they'd stop messing with him. of course this goes south when he powers up with the emerald and knuckles defends it by slashing him across the chest during the transformation, interrupting it and putting him in a permanent half-super state (the green). he proclaims his new name is scourge, and they fight again, but scourge ends up using the master emerald to chaos control away, and once again they dont see each other for a while after that, bc then sonic is dealing with the Worst fucking year of his life (shadow, unleashed, forces). they basically dont talk again until theyre 19.
when they do talk again, sonic's really messed up from forces--the torture from infinite on the death egg really fucked him up and was making him question his reality even after everything. but scourge runs into him and knocks some sense into him (literally punches him in the face LOL) and sonic realizes this Is real, the war Is over, and everything fucking sucks. his nonna died while he was away. scourge doesnt take this well at all, and neither does sonic when he realizes its real, and they both kinda have a mutual breakdown moment because Neither of them were there when she passed and they both majorly regret it. but scourge still doesnt end up staying; he takes sonic to a nearby village when he falls asleep and then he leaves again. but that lets sonic know that scourge still does care about him, despite pushing him away for all these years. so hes going to figure out why, and bring back his friend.
they finally meet again post-frontiers, when sonic has a clearer head and has healed a lot. they fight again Of Course, but it ends up with scourge finally confessing why he'd run away so long ago, why he'd been trying so hard to push sonic away and drive a wedge between them to make sure sonic would Stay away--it was all because of the thing with his dad. he was ashamed of himself and didnt want his only best friend to see him as a murderer. but yknow what? sonic isnt fazed. he doesnt give a Shit. in fact he literally tells scourge that if scourge hadnt done it? sonic would have. jules was awful and beyond saving and the world was better off without him. scourge is shocked by all this, not really understanding...but they end up making up and finally, Finally becoming friends again
so thats the whole story LOL. ive been developing it w jester behind the scenes and while it isnt a Long au story its a fun and angsty one hehe. might be a little sonourge eventually. you know how it is
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my dream:
basically there was this small town. they had a party dinner thing in this barnhouse. our main character was this boy, around 11 y/o maybe? he sees this friendly looking man (totally not hannibal) (it was hannibal) and decides to start a convo. convo goes south, man starts pulling out equipment and stating how he'll make "good use" of everyone in the barnhouse at the moment.
THERES SURPRISINGLY BACKSTORY HERE. so earlier on, a lot of the adults were talking about how someone jumped or fell or something off the barnhouse, into the water and died, right? bc the barnhouse was on this like... cliff mountain thing overlooking the water. and ALSO, earlier on, the main dude and his little brother whos around. 6? 7 maybe? had swimming lessons— older bro knows how to swim, his little bro doesnt.
there were also these two dudes sitting at the table in the barn leaning way too close into each others faces...also, i think this was fisher's influenxe but i stsrted fuckign thinking about the symbolism 😭😭 while the convo w hannibal was going on, the light in the barn slowly dimmed and by the time he stated his true purposes, everyone in the barn was in the dark. EXCEPT... these two other kids near a window. i found that weird and started paying attention to them
these other kids were messing around, chaos has started erupting bc everyome in the barn had finally realized what hannibal was gonna do, theyre also an older and younger sibling— younger sibling accidentally falls out the window! into the ocean where someone had JUST died the other day! yippee. older sibling soon follows!
pov switches to little brother. he sees the other kids falling and realizes.. hang on. theres only one way to survive this— i know how to swim!!! (he does not.) still, little bro jumps.
back to big bro. the boys' parents have realized the situation, they tell him to go, big bro saw lil bro jumps and knows tht HE CANNOT FUCKING SWIM!!!! he jumps.
he ends up seeing all three other kids in the water, slowly but surely manages to bring all three of them to land on the beach bc none of the others fucking knew how to swim, apparently. but theyre alive and thats good. he also saves this small, runt drowning rabbit.
the other two kids soon wake up and disappear who knows where to, when pov is back to lil bro. he sees the rabbit next to him and thinks omg so cute!! the rabbit wanders off to go eat this. Lettuce, except this lettuce species looks kinda as if it grew... shredded?? lettuce grass??? wahtever its just really thin.
anyways rabbit eats its fill, falls asleep in the grass. lil bro also falls asleep, its sunny, theyre tired, big bros watching over them, all good. WHEN A MAN SHOWS UP TO WHERE THE BROTHERS AND RABBIT ARE LYING DOWN.
turns out its the farmer who grew that lettuce!! he gets mad, sees the rabbit and goes "ohh im gonna cook that thing!" or whatever, big bro is like "nonono please wait!" so farmer pauses, sees the rabbit lying there... single tear rolls down his cheek...
"damn sonny u right. hes just like me... all he wants is a lil peaceful rest to lay in the grass and sunshine... take a lil nap.... yeah. what do you say we go back to my place and make some salad for all three of you?"
so they all go back, farmer carries sleeping lil bro and big bro carries rabbit. big bro finally realizes to think about thier PARENTS IN A BARNHOUSE WITH SOMEONE WHO EXPRESSED MURDER DESIRES and its implied yeah theyre probably dead. then he remembers the other kids who escaped with him through the window.. cuz remember, they ran off right?
as soon as he goes to ask about them tho, the kids pop up from behind a building!! "sorry for following you, we just cant find our parents didnt know where to go and that rabbits really cute can we pet him?" farmer is now making salad for a rabbit and 4 soaked children. their parents are probably murdered tho. but all is good! i wake up
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my summary of ranboo’s story of his character from his stream
copied from my 5 page google doc i wrote instead of doing homework
this starts at the beginning and goes until 1hr 28 minutes into the stream
(i think i got basically everything he said)
joined the server, killed by dream, received a small tour from niki
the next day, he got a tour from tubbo, president of lmanburg. they talked about how ranboo was also running for president
shaped his first thoughts on lmanburg. that it was a good place.
finding michael with tubbo!
meets tommy! tommy tells him about george and ranboo agrees to burn down georges house (in order to not make enemies since he thought they had more than him)
niki and puffy were on a date and they tried to sneakily get past (asking niki for her armor, not suspicious at all)
tommy and ranboo grief georges house, accidentally burning it down. they ran from it, thinking they got away.
puffy asks if ranboo did it. ranboo couldn’t remember and doesn’t know why.
dream started building the walls on lmanburg
dream shows them georges house, destroyed. tommy gets blamed, ranboo is questioned bc puffy says she saw him. tubbo kills ranboo with the spoon (not canon)
the meeting hall to meet with dream.
THE MINUTES MAN OF LMANBURG - tasked with taking the notes for the meeting
there was a pig man watching the meeting
the meeting did not go well. tommy brings out spirit against dream. dream played along but didn’t truly care, only caring for the disks.
tommy stood up for ranboo at the trial. they asked ranboo about it and he said his memory was bad but they cut him off. he never said he didnt remember the burning, only that his memory was bad.
being the minutes man gave him the idea to make the first Do Not Read book, writing who to trust and not trust
dream tubbo tommy quackity and fundy on the wall. tommy being taken away for some reason. the exile.
ranboo felt guilty because tommy wasn’t the only one who destroyed george’s house.
things in lmanburg were going great, he had a house and pets and was the minutes man and technically part of the cabinet
feeling guilty, he visits tommy in exile a few times. ranboo could tell something was off with him, with dream. so he wrote letters to tommy, trying to understand what he was going through in exile.
things were good, he built the ice cream shop with fundy
one day ranboo was approached whilst writing in his memory book. quackity tells him that techno is a traitor, the reason things are bad. and that they were gonna go get him and bring him to justice. which ranboo thought meant a trial and such.
the first butcher army meeting. ranboo is confused by it, the bloody butcher outfits.
traitors are bad right? can’t have traitors
the butcher army went to technos place. ranboo shot a few arrows, maybe intentionally missing “he is a person still”
q gets carl and so techno agrees to go with the army
the execution. no trial. techno gets executed but survived.
phil, who saved ranboo from lava, who ranboo liked, gets put on house arrest. phil is mad at the army but ranboo was saying how he didnt think itd just be an execution. so the two are on even/neutral grounds.
ranboo talks to ghostbur, who calls him an aaron burr. they go to the snow, to technos. techno immediately tries to kill ranboo, who was just part of the butcher army. threatens him until he gives back all his armor.
tommy was at technos too. with techno. ranboo is surprised and writes it in his memory book.
ranboo goes back to lmanburg. realizes he just betrayed the entire butcher army by giving the armor back and saying he doesnt know where tommy is.
he kept seeing techno and tommy around lmanburg with dogs for some reason
he was kind of on both sides, techno/tommys and lmanburgs. he doesnt want to choose so he decides to help everyone
the festival plan to try to kill dream. ranboo spent time making festival games (the trident game!)
dream arrives and starts building the wall again
before the festival ranboo met with techno and tommy.
the community house was blown up. gone.
according to dream it was techno and tommy.
dream says hes gonna blow up lmanburg again. techno joins him. blow it all the way to bedrock.
dream calls ranboo out as a traitor in front of everyone. dream has ranboos book. the first memory book. which ranboo had lost a few days prior, and found somewhere he didn’t put it. it had been moved. dream gives it to tubbo
THE PANIC ROOM. a place for him to think. the water outside providing a white noise.
ranboo realizes that he kept choosing sides. he decides to choose people.
ranboo wonders how dream had his memory book
he checks the memory book and just finds the smile. the first smile. “all that was left is a smile”
that book becomes the second memory book.
the destruction of lmanburg on the horizon, they band together to attempt to stop it.
he speaks out. there are lots of people watching him
eye contact. he lashes out at people, as his judgement is impaired
he goes back to the panic room
the dream voice. a voice that is him but sounds like dream. it tells him that by trying to help everyone he has just betrayed everyone. ranboo doesn’t believe the voice because all he did was give techno his armor under pressure, right?
he decides the best thing to do is help the people who have helped him. lmanburg.
but the first memory book is still missing
“it was time for doomsday”
they thought they still had time to save lmanburg. but then they heard explosions and withers.
lmanburg. “it was falling. it was gone”
people were suddenly switching sides and in the chaos of the destruction ranboo hears techno ask “what’s this do not read book”
ranboo runs to techno to get the book, techno has it. techno gave him the book and told him to get out of there, that he has no issue with him. techno showed ranboo mercy when he could have killed him
ranboo doesnt know where he stands with the destruction of lmanburg. so he watched. “watched as lmanburg fell”
he talks with fundy, with quackity, after the fall. fundy seemed off. quackity seemed to forgive ranboo, having read the book and changed his mind.
ranboo didn’t know what to do
“someone came in and asked me if i was okay. phil. phil realized that when he blew up everything” that ranboo was one of the few who lived in lmanburg and had no more home. phil offers him a place to stay, with him and techno
the situation is awkward at first but they get through it
MELLOHI
ranboo hears mellohi. “a disk from somewhere far away” “it was from the panic room”
he goes back to the panic room. “why was i hearing this from all the way over there” and takes out the disk. but then “an old friend came back. the voice.”
but this time with more to say. that he was more of a traitor than he thought. the voice tells him that he has been helping dream the entire time. but that he just didn’t remember that. that he had something to do with the community house and other things on the server.
the voice wasnt dream. it was what he thought was himself trying to fill the gaps with memories.
he denies the voices claims. “you have no proof”
the voice says to mine an obsidian block. behind it are two pieces of tnt.
he still doesnt believe the voice
ranboo is very confused. did he do it? did he not?
the disk war. tommy and tubbo had begun to prepare.
“the disks were very important right?”
“and then i just… lived. for a while.”
“for the first time in a while, happy. and that was good”
and so he decides that he is done. “done with living in fear of the dream voice”
and so he goes to the dream voice
“the dream voice said, hey? you literally have a disk”
“there’s no way i could have a disk right?”
but the voice says that he hid it. he met with dream. so he searched. and he found a disk. the disk. in a chest under his house.
“so then i realized. something’s going on. there must be a reason why i cant remember these visits with dream, right?”
he “had been sleepwalking of sorts but that was a problem for another day”
time for the disk war. everyone thought that both tommy and tubbo would die
(he forgets what happens next? canon? idk)
dream was now in prison.
he decides to call the sleepwalking state enderwalking
everything was good. except the egg, but “we don’t gotta care about that”
ranboo has the “good idea” to visit dream
so he visits the prison. everything went normally. except “dream told me exactly what i didnt want to hear. apparently i had been visiting dream. i had been talking to dream.”
“and apparently i was one of his best friends”
and dream hands him his own memory book. the entire chest was filled with memory books.
“dream disappeared. and the prison started to crumble. and i guess the entire prison visit was just the dream voice but even worse”
so he didnt know what to do “i guess i’ll keep my head down. i didn’t really do much during that time”
but he needed to visit the prison again. “for real. to actually get closure”
he gets in to the lobby. sam asks his questions. and asks when the last time he visited. “and of course i havent visited before. so i said this is my first time.” and sam said “very funny” and tells him he has visited before.
“i had technically visited the prison in the enderwalk. i asked sam to show me the books and they were written in ender”
he looked through the memory books, the three he had now. nothing showed that he had visited before. “there must have been a fourth book”
“i dont know what the fourth book is. and i still dont know where it is to this day”
“the fourth book wasnt a memory book. it was a book of the enderwalk” so he’s searching for it
he tried but nothing worked.
“i guess i was just kind of living. i noticed my tools on lower durability and my beacon had gone missing”
“the best thing to do is just live”
visiting snowchester a lot
done cool things with techno. techno was his friend now
“i was happy”
building the bee n boo, got married for tax reasons.
the news. “after saving michael we got news. tommy had died. tommy was dead.”
the grieving stage.
one day ranboo decided to just relax. and then he sees niki. “what was niki doing at me techno and phils house?”
decided to be “extra stealthy” and watch out the window
techno asks him about anarchy, and ranboo says “that sounds good”
ranboo “had become part of something called the syndicate” which seemed to be for conflict resolution
tells the syndicate tommy died
tommy was alive? “somehow tommy was still alive. how? how is that possible?”
and then something happened. ranboo gets brought to a room. with two shrines and a hallway. with everything people value.
he started to remember. to hear things.
“so dream had a revive book. he was trying to control the server by using everyones loved things against them”
he doesnt remember when punz and everyone came and saved tommy and tubbo from being killed by dream
dream had to be stopped “before he could bring back the villains”
he has michael to protect now
tommy approaches while he is with tubbo. and ranboo agrees with tommy. they build that tower
talks with ghostbur “and he seemed like he didnt want to go, which was interesting”
“so right now im trying to kill dream”
but the enderwalk is still an issue. he needs to figure out how to stop the enderwalk. “it hasnt happened in a while, right?”
the reason he is doing everything is to make sure his adopted son, michael, is safe.
and that is the story so far.
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📓 :D
okay <3 I'm very fond of The Boys Retiring apparently but I have this one fic that I've just barely started but it's probably gonna be long.
So au Jeremiah going crazy plotline never happens. it's just chaos of chaos' sake. Rome still gets shot and is out of the picture for awhile. Jonathan and Jervis are up to no good until Jervis gets arrested (Jonathan very rudely does not give a fuck and doesn't help him) then like a week later Jerome emerges and together they cause chaos.
After a seemingly only Jerome attack on the gcpd (jim voice: that knockout gas hasn't been identified, tho. could be Crane.) Jim and Harvey are searching around the gcpd for any stragglers of Jerome's followers and such and whoops they check an alley and completely interrupt Jerome and Jonathan's post mission adrenaline rush bang and after some awkward back and forth (and Rome admitting he tossed his gun the moment he saw Jon) Jim is like "fuckin idiots. please cuff yourselves."
As they're leading them away Harvey makes a snide comment calling them freaks (bc Jerome made a joke about handcuffing Jonathan) and Jonathan does Not take it well and promptly elbows him and bolts, and Jerome quickly follows. Jim and Harvey take fire but the boys are able to duck out of the alley unscathed.
or so it seemed. Jerome looks back to not see Jonathan. He of course immediately turns back and oh god Jonathan is on the ground and there's blood and Jerome is panicking and getting angry because and Jim Fucking Gordon shot his boyfriend in the lung and hes probably dying.
this got long whoops one sec
Jim. feels very bad. he has very much so always felt bad about Jonathan. he always thought if he'd been quicker he could have saved him from his dad's serum. if he payed more attention to his case afterwards he wouldn't have gotten sent to Arkham. Abused there. Wouldn't have become Scarecrow. And now he just shot him. he's just a kid, really. barely 18.
Jim of course is like "okay, be mad later and help me stabilize him. get him on his side, put lots of pressure." in the bg Harvey is calling an ambulance and a patrol car to take Jerome to the precinct. Jerome very fiercely fights that he's not leaving Jonathan, who at this point is very out of it. So out of it that Jerome is very concerned and Jim is like "uhh yeah he's in shock because his lung just collapsed" and Jerome is like👌this close to strangling Jim but that would mean taking pressure off of Jonathan's wound.
Patrol car is there, ambulance another few minutes out. Officer switches places with Jim so he can take Jerome to the precinct [AND THIS IS WHERE I LEFT OFF WRITING SO FAR] but Jerome is still refusing but he eventually manages to pull him away (Harvey replaces him to apply pressure) While they're driving to the precinct Jim awkwardly tries to reassure him that Jonathan will be okay, the operation to help him rarely has complications. Jerome doesn't respond and Jim just... politely pretends he doesn't hear Jerome biting back sobs.
They keep Jerome in one of the interrogation rooms while Jim ya know washes all this blood off himself (Jerome is still covered in it) I haven't thought much about this portion of the fic, it's moreso time filler for until Jonathan gets out of surgery. Probably just gonna be Jerome refusing to talk to anyone until he can see Jonathan. Eventually Jim gets a call from Harvey that Jonathan is out of surgery, stable, and just waking from anesthesia so it would be the perfect time to interrogate him and Jim reluctantly agrees.
Jim, though, does have a heart and informs Jerome of the news and he immediately flips and demands to see him but Jim keeps refusing until Jerome yells "I'll stay in Arkham peacefully for the rest of my life if I can just get some time with him!" Jim reluctantly agrees (and helps clean him up bc they're not gonna bring him in covered in blood)
When they arrive Harvey has already been questioning him for a bit but it hasn't gone far bc Jon is still loopy and very good at avoiding questions. The moment he sees Jerome he tries to get out of bed except he's been quite literally strapped down to it so that doesn't go well. Harvey steps back and lets Jerome sit by Jon
We get very soft times from the pov of the awkward observers. Rome holds Jon's hand, occasionally strokes his face and hair and kisses his cheek while they're quietly talking and it's all very sweet and so incredibly uncharacteristic from what they're used to seeing from. well. maniacs.
As Jon really starts to get more lucid it's clear he's not comfortable being strapped down at all, he's constantly testing the straps and squirming and Jerome starts to unstrap him but Jim is quick to protest, saying he has to stay in bed and they can't risk him trying to escape while injured and Jerome snaps "he's not going to escape! he's going to stay and cooperate. He just doesn't like the straps. They did that to him in Arkham." Jim lets Jerome finish unstrapping him. they talk quietly some more for a bit before Harvey interrupts like "hey we really got to uh. talk and shit." and they both agree so the four of them sit there and after a moment of silence Jerome goes
"I'll agree to go to Arkham and stay if Jonathan can be pardoned. Blame it on temporary insanity-- something. Anything to keep him from going back there. He can function in society-- he can." Jonathan reluctantly nods and agrees
"Arkham tried giving me a medication. it quieted the Scarecrow. made it easier to ignore his suggestions and the urges he would give me. I refused to take them... But I'll take them now. If I can visit Jerome in Arkham."
Jim and Harvey of course initially protest but Rome and Jon make a really good argument. It's clear the arrangement was something they'd talked about before, but was still painful to enact. They clung to each other's hands, shaking. They didn't like the idea of being seperated. Being together kept them sane but Jerome refused to have Jonathan go back to Arkham. it had been a long argument and a lot of convincing before Jonathan agreed to the plan of Jerome going to Arkham alone.
So.... it happens. There's an actual trial this time (bc Negotiations) Jonathan is still too hurt to attend in person so lawyer in his stead and such. Jonathan watches the news with tears in his eyes in his hospital room as they get everything they planned. As Jerome gets carted off past a jeering crowd into an Arkham inmate transfer van.
I don't have much past this point. I imagine part of the deal has Jonathan being some sort of city/state ward for awhile? he's technically an adult but he'd been in basically prison since 15, so he has help getting set back up. I imagine a filler chapter of a Very Mundane Day of Jonathan's life.
Wakes up in his shitty little apartment. takes his morning meds. has a shitty poptart breakfast (he never really liked them until Jerome introduced him to the cookies and cream flavor) Goes to some classes (he's learning psychology...) where he pretends to be a normal person. Works after school (he's a library assistant.) Gets home and ponders if he needs glasses (glasses jonathan supremacy.) Has a shitty dinner while he emails his court ordered therapist that yes he is doing perfectly fine (that's a lie) no he doesn't need to see him this week, that panicked email in the middle of the night was absolutely nothing. Takes his night meds. Does homework or studies until he passes out. Rinse and Repeat until Saturday.
Saturday is his one good day. That's his Jerome day. His therapist notes an immediate uptick in his mood on Saturdays for approximately 4 days until it rapidly drops to concerning levels. Seeing Jerome sort of... Resets him. Cant quite say happy, how can you be happy when you can only see the love of your life your boyfriend for two hours once a week? For a long time they weren't allowed to touch, Jerome was handcuffed to the table. Now they hold hands his entire visit and sit close enough to whisper to each other softly, and they try to sneak kisses when the guard looks away for a moment.
Jerome's therapist notes his mood stabilizes on Fridays and lasts until Tuesday, in which he returns to the expected maniacal behavior.
....
okay I have more I want to write about this but I have to start getting ready for work so :( please enjoy this <3
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hello idk if u can guess by my mannerisms who this is but funny glasses coin
anyway can u tell me about espio pls n thx x
i cant tell because i'm an idiot but don't take it personally, i just know the first anon was @bluemarine because she was the one who informed me my anons were off when they weren't (tumblr is broken)
ANYWAYS YES I ABSOLUTELY CAN! espio is. good boy very nice bisexual lad. how should i elaborate? well...
he's a ninja detective chameleon with wind powers, speed that rivals sonic and shadow's, incredible strength, a lot of weapons, a sixth sense, he plays the shamisen, and seems calm and collected until he threatens eggman's life to his face! :-)
anyways, here are some rent-free obscure headcanons i have for him:
- he's a ronnie radke emo but his bi confirmation was brendon urie in the vices & virtues era
- he likes psychological horrors
- him and mighty are childhood friends and almost-exes, espio is bitter about that
- silver is his best friend who is kinda always in love with him and espio sorta likes him back too but they never do anything with this
- oui'd enthusiast
- him and blaze train together! fire and wind hehe
- he's also good friends with amy! they talk about their weird powers
- espio is afraid of chaos energy. he won't state it outright but he never goes super for a reason, and doesn't like using his powers around chaos emeralds
- shadow and him really like doing missions together so they team up a lot! no weird tension whatsoever aha no mutual crushes what? 🥴
- he doesn't really like or watch anime, except death note and kiki's delivery service. wave got him to watch spirited away but he's more of a doctor who fan (loves 9 and rose, also 10 obvs bc who doesn't)
- he likes zelda and mains link in smash if forced to play (not much of a gamer)
- he has paul mcartney's missing bass guitar but has no clue, it was just conveniently cheap and thrifted
- he swears more often than you'd think!
- espio has a basically indestructible immune system... unless he's stressed or emotionally wounded. the "inner strength" thing isn't a gimmick, a cold can kill him if he's upset enough
on that note, here's a playlist of songs that either remind me of him, or that he'd like:
hopefully this is what you were looking for!
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hunty movie 1
sooo ruth and i watched the first hxh movie holla
me as soon as we’re done w/the yorknew arc: OH FUCKY ITS ANIME MOVIE TIME
i love anime movies. theyre so often Entertaining As Hell, and also Not Very Good. its a very fun intersection
overall this movie slots pretty easily into that category. it was a good time but nothing revolutionary. which is ok! and that makes sense bc its not canon apparently
this movie was basically the ‘killua and kurapika have Trauma(tm)�� movie lmao
we open w/killua having a trauma dream abt illumi, rehashing the stuff we saw in the hunter exam arc....we see this a few more times in the movie, and it really drives home how killua is still rlly scared of illumi and kinda just goes into a dissociative trauma state whenever illumi is around (even fake doll illumi or dream illumi, in this movie). poor kid :( :(
regrettably tho ruth and i agree that illumis outfit in this movie was pretty sexy
ok that whole beginning part where kurapikas eyes get stolen happens SO fast hvbfhdjshfsk its like ok guess thats the status quo for this movie!
jesus poor kurapika. they cant catch a fuckgin break huh
also that kid was totally the kid that was alluded to by kurapika at the end of the yorknew arc...so i guess that was included in the anime as a setup for this movie?
also apparently that stuff was based off of a short story thing the author did a while ago which is p cool
leorios terrible drawing skills is hvhbjsdfbsdfngsjkdf
also leorio is so tender w/kurapika hhhhhhh im gonna die. im gonna gay die
and gon and killua are just. tiny soulmate boyfriends ok
ah yes i see the obligatory movie original character who befriends the protag
it kinda cracks me up how hostile killua is to retz like vhbhskhdfbaj i get that its bc of Trauma and his fear of betrayal/betraying but it also reads as killua being a Jealous Gay which is kinda hilarious
ruth and i when hisoka shows up: [prolonged annoyed groaning and dismayed yelling]
hisoka literally just shows up to sow chaos and throw around information to stir shit up huh
of COURSE the villain is the former 4th spider thats like. easy choice lmao
it might just be the fansubs but i feel like there were strong implications that hisoka and 4th spider guy fucked bhjdfashfdjnakn
the most unbelievable thing abt this whole thing is that hisoka didnt kill that doll guy lmao
ohhh shit its uvo
OHHH SHIT NOBUNGA AND MACHI....its so bad but i really like the troupe members and when they show up im like !!!!!!!
machi is so cooooool
aughhhh its like....i feel bad for nobunga for having to face down uvo like this....and THEN when pakunoda shows up too :( and nobunga tells her doll ‘rest in peace now’ or something when he cuts her down....oof. but also like theyre evil murderers so im!?! conflicted?!?!
also the shadow beast guys that uvo killed showing up and then proceeding to do LITERALLY NOTHING was kinda hilarious
and damn so technically the troupe is on the same side as the main crew, what with all of them wanting to wreck omokages shit
also omokage looks like sephiroth lmaoooo
ill be honest i barely know what sephiroth looks like but ruth said this and i felt in my bones that its true
ok i gotta talk abt the kurapika backstory stuff bc OUUGHGHGHGHGH my fucking UWUS BITCH!!!!
seeing a bunch of kurta was sad....and seeing baby-er kurapika OUGH and also pairo is sooo cute and him and kurapikas friendship is so pure
kurapika is so different :( theyre like, so much more innocent and excitable....thats so damn sad bro wtf
pairo pulling some slick moves swapping that little potion thing - all while using his blindness as a cover - was so good...no wonder he and kurapika get along so well
also gotta say its even more brutal that one of the main reasons kurapika didnt get Big Murdered w/the rest of the kurta is bc pairo pulled this stunt - if he hadnt, kurapika wouldve failed the test and never would have left
also kurapika saying theyre gonna find someone who can help w/pairos eyes ;_; the similarities w/leorios backstory/motivation makes me die
and seriously im still caught up at how innocent and pure kp is oooof ough
tho still defs the kurapika we know....theyve seemingly always had a temper, what with the reaction to the dudes in the market
like, kurapika did NOT hold back...even after finding out that they were just part of the test! tho i do get it bc they insulted pairo...kurapika’s love for their friends/stalwart need to defend their friends is clearly a big thing
also the market people’s reaction to seeing kp’s red eyes is rlly interesting to me...are the kurta like, known to anybody? or are they more of a vaguely talked-about group that like, ‘probably exists’? or is it that people know abt them but not the red eyes thing? it seems like these people, if any, would know, bc this market is seemingly a day’s travel from where the kurta live....i want more kurta lore bro!!
i big love pairo helping kurapika cheat like that....such an interesting twist, and makes it obvious that theirs is a friendship of equals
anyways i loved that flashback stuff and it just drives home how absolutely fucked up and horribly sad kurapikas whole existence is, especially in this movie w/pairo’s doll being used against them
n e ways back to the non flashback stuff
i love that gon’s super nose returned for this movie omg
im just auhghghghgh gon and killua know each other so well uwu....
aaaand illumi (well, doll illumi) is back to fuck shit up for poor killua
ugh it still gets me how clearly terrified of illumi killua is...we dont really see him act like this any other time :( and the fact that doll-illumi was able to scare killua enough to get him to run away and leave gon behind (albeit briefly) was oof
gon jumping in front of killua and getting his eyes stolen instead....baby boyyyy oughhh
also can i just say thank fuck they didnt replace illumis eyes w/gons bc THAT wouldve been some serious nightmare fuel lmao
cant believe killua then ran away again and walked emo-ly on the train tracks
and THEN he saw a train coming and was like oh well :( guess ill die :/ JESUS KID
but gon w/his Big Sniff Powers comes to the rescue!!
it was so cute how gon told killua that killua didnt run and abandon him - they were working together to fight :’) gon understands killua so well
i love how the squad then squads up to fight omokage...with half of them being blind lmao
and in the half that isnt blind is leorio, who STILL doesnt know nen, and literally brings a knife to a nen fight
i totally saw the whole ‘retz is a doll and her older brother is omokage, and retz actually died a while ago’ thing coming lol but still, not bad
all omokage does is talk abt the beauty of his dolls or w/e like ENOUGH bro
kurapika fighting pairo and killua fighting illumi (AGAIN) was all so fucked up they shouldve switched opponents for less trauma oof
and poor leorio is literally no help vhhvdijfhjbashkj he just gets throw around this whole time
kurapikas fight against pairo was sad bc it was such a fucked up situation...kp did gr8 tho, i liked them saying that this isnt the real pairo, cause pairo would never say/do these things. still and extremely sucky situation to be in!
meanwhile its the gon and killua vs doll-illumi rematch...and this illumi is like, a version of illumi drawn from killuas mind/heart (or something idk, it was kinda glossed over which i understand), which means that hes extra scary and focused on telling killua how much hes just a mindless killing machine who cant have friends
but luckily we have gon here to help snap killua out of his trauma haze, which certaintly wasnt the case at the hunter exam - so it was kinda nice to see how things went w/gon around :’) they work so well together oughhhhh....and they love each other so much broo gay preteen love real
hisoka just fuckgin materializing in the house place to help sow more chaos....unbelievable
me: i bet hisoka wont want to fight doll chrollo bc its not The Same as real chrollo
ruth: no i think he will bc hes a whore
hisoka: [fights doll chrollo]
me: oh shit u right
kurapika: ok omogake its time for you to FUCKING DIE-
and then killua stops them and says that he’ll do it, be he doesnt want kurapika to kill anymore :( :( :( bro im sooo fucking sad. killua rlly b out here thinking that hes already too far gone to matter when it comes to murder, but he doesnt want his friends to end up like that, so he might as well take on that burden, because whats one more person’s death on his hands? (EVEN THO HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO KILL ANY MORE...but theres exceptions when it comes to saving your friend’s souls and whatnot) :( :( AUGHHH
but luckily retz comes THRU with some good ole fratricide
killua: [takes notes]
the fact that the phantom troupe just fuckgin shows up and is like oh hey its you guys. this casual enemy stuff kills me lmao i love it
then they just fuckgin LEAVE and theyre like welllll we cant rlly fight u bc of chrollo’s state so by i guess. its NOT On Sight but someday it will be! YOU TOO HISOKA DONT THINK WE FUCKIGN FORGOT ABOUT YOU.
dramatic house burning! and rip retz, saw that one comin tho
when they all went thru and said their life goals and then killua was like shit i dont have a cool definitive anime goal LMAOOOO
but THEN gon said his goals should be to stay by gon’s side UHMMM???? baby gays AUGHHHHH and killua is just like lovestruck AUGHHHH
Gays Win
then they all peace out to resume the next arc lmaoooo
and then we see flashes of other characters, like the blonde girl (who ruth and i totally thought retz was, seeing thumbnails from this movie....we were like w8 hasnt that girl not been introduced yet??? lmao)
we also see some dude w/long hair and a hat who ive never seen before but ruth went OHHH ITS SCYTHE GUY!!! so i guess hes gonna b important?? lol
and then we saw chrollo....still in the same place the squad left him vbhajfdjkahsbfkdjabhsukfdj CAN HE NOT GET DOWN FROM THERE W/OUT NEN OR AN AIRSHIP??? THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY ARE YOU KIDDING ME
general thots:
so this was very much an Anime Movie, in that they cant like, advance to plot or develop the characters much, bc its a movie. and this one is non canon
it was enjoyable but i do feel like it was much more typical shounen then hxh usually is...like, i feel like this was made by the same people who make like, the naruto movies or w/e, and w/the same sort of approach/attitude
this isnt necessarily bad - i LIKE shounen for a reason - but it was a bit noticeable bc it wasnt quite as smart as hxh is usually, and it rehashed a lot of stuff weve already seen in this show itself
but still i think it did a good job w/what it had, and it had some good angst, and everyone was very gay which is good
the art style was SLIGHTLY wack but it wasnt as bad as i thought itd be
overall a fun time like most anime movies. didnt reinvent the wheel but i had a good time. im excited for the greed island arc, and im also disproportionately excited to watch the hxh musical bc that is a thing that exists and i MUST see it asap bc that sounds like the kind of hilarious wackiness that appeals to me specifically
so thats it...later!
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ive been off my antidepressants for a week and Ive been so suicidal n have the worst urges to do things I havent even THOUGHT about in so long. All my emotions from all the shitty things that have been happening to me recently are just now fully hitting me since im off my meds. I cant afford to refill them rn. Im tired of being everyones last resort. Im sick of putting so much effort into relationships for people who dont even put in half the effort bc they dont care enough. Idk what to do ):
god im so sorry luv, that sounds stressful as fuck :(( it's literally bullshit how people have to pay out of pocket for such vital medication. i would lend you the money if i had any. you deserve so much better than what you're going through and i do believe you'll get there eventually..... for now tho it might be a good idea to take a moment to breathe n evaluate. are you in contact with any professionals, even just your general doctor, who can advise you on what to do during this rough patch? or are you able to rely on family/friends, even if you feel scared or embarrassed to open up to them? leaning on your support system can make a big difference, no matter how much you don't want to. it's ok to talk about what's going on and to admit that you don't know what to do. what healthy coping mechanisms do you usually employ to ground yourself (journaling, relaxation techniques, self affirmations, light distractions etc). theyre obviously not supposed to cure you of your mental illness, but they can buy you some time and perspective. i think the black and white mentality you're experiencing - the certainty that ppl are using you- may not be based in fact, but rather in the chaos of coming off your meds. this coupled with a false sense of permanent doom, another symptom of depression, goes to show that not every thought you're currently having is true or trustworthy. knowing this doesn't make it hurt any less, and you're totally entitled to your pain, of course. but having the self awareness to be able to identify pointlessly negative thinking patterns is an important tool imo. you don't have to have a solid plan and you don't have to have all the answers right now. you just have to look at what you can control in terms of helping yourself, even if you want to simply say fuck it and harm yourself instead. that urge will always arise when your emotional state is compromised, but i promise you are not doomed to self destruct. as far as other people go, their actions are always going to be reflective of them and not of you. your worth doesn't lie in their judgment of you. you can't control whether or not they're decent, whether or not they treat you right. but if they don't, it's a choice they're making out of selfishness, not because of anything you've done. ok? your brain will try to convince you otherwise, but it'll always come back to that. i know this is all way easier said than done, so. take it one day at a time, even one hour at a time until you're able to get back on your meds. you don't have to numb yourself to the low moods, but i'd recommend preparing for them and consistently putting your energy into shutting out the part of your brain that insists on bullying you. as long as you're keeping yourself you're doing way better than you realize, and i believe in you more than i can say. this is a moment in your life and you're going to survive it. let me know if you need a friend or if you want to discuss it further, i'll be here. sending warmth to you. 💖
#anon#the world is like we're gna steal all ur natural dopamine and make u pay for the fake version. your welcome
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The Time Markiplier Helped my friends Underage Drink at a Club
So Ive been waiting for awhile now to tell this story on this account, it’s legit one of the most one off events from Senior Week / from being a person who likes to party, just b/c it is such a strange and obscure event in the midst of chaos.
Anyways, okay so some backstory to how this happened:
My friends and I, during this past summer, all went on vacation together and got our own rented place for a week to vacation together after high school ended - for Senior Week. And on the second night down there, we all decided to get fucked up. We’re all just 18, so two of my friends bought the alcohol illegally and like myself and 15 others decided to drink and pregame before we were going to go to a local under 21 club infamous for being like a rave and for being a fucked up place where girls can dance in cages. Like a friend of mine fucked a guy in the bathroom, people were all grinding on each other and getting thrown out, it was too dark to see anyone and everyone was just dancing and grabbing.
Anyways we were trying to get in, and one of my friends was so wasted she couldn’t stand up straight, and she wouldn’t shut up and be quiet. Because you see if you’re obviously intoxicated at an under 21 bar while trying to enter, you’re gonna get busted because there are cops outside (it was a super busy night too). So i kept telling her, shut the fuck up. Dont talk to the people at the door. Just keep quiet. But she wouldn’t. She was falling everywhere and laughing, slurring her words and shit. I mean compared to everyone else she was uncontrollable.
So a sober friend of mine had a brilliant idea. This girl is OBSESSED with Markiplier and everyone knows it. She’s got all his merch and will talk and post about him regularly. Like imagine a girl in a Markiplier hoodie that she cropped blowing vape into someone’s face and that just embodies her spirit. So my sober friend asks her, “Hey, can you tell me about Markiplier’s recent video?”
And she just GOES OFF rambling and complimenting him, talking about him much she loves him, her words suddenly clear as day because if there is one thing she can talk about coherently in any state of mind, it is Markiplier. And with this she gets by security at the door since she appears to be sober, and we all get in to go dance and she’s STILL talking about him.
And then eventually she forgot what she was doing and started grinding on a random guy and was way too intoxicated for the rest of the night but yeah. Id just like to thank Markiplier for getting my friends and I into a club while underage drinking.
Later in the night everyone had come down from being drunk and were laying around our rented living room, but not her. She was laying on my bed wrapped in my blanket spitting water at me because she didn’t wanna be sober again and i told her about what she did earlier and she just clearly said “i fucking love Markiplier” before laying back onto the bed and passing out.
Shes so fucking powerful I love her. She’s apart of the reason I became interested in Mark’s lore. I hope she doesnt find this post bc then my ass will be busted for running a fan account.
So anyways, I dont wanna hear anyone talk shit abt Markiplier. That man helped me personally, not with my mental health or through a hard time in my life or whatever but helped me get into a club. If it wasn’t for him she’d of gotten us caught.
Markiplier may not be able to drink but damn if that doesnt mean he cant help us.
#markiplier#mark fischbach#just a fun story#not a theory#shes so freaking powerful#if she finds this i stg
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So
Heres what happens in the au
Tony goes with rh'dey and the handful of blues and greens accompanying them - theres been a lot of holdless activity in the area but it is also the best place to test Tony's new flamethrowers (includes new agenothree tank design). And then of course holdless show up, their attack startles the non-riders' runnerbeasts and even the dragons are taken by surprise and some take off nervously at the sudden explosions.
Tony is separated from rh'dey and then is hit when one of the holdless' minor explosives encounters an agenothree tank and he is fucking lucky he didnt get burned all over, the resulting explosion and heat throw him back, and only his chest is hit by the agenothree acid from the tank, as well as shards of metal.
He is captured by the holdless- the attack was intended to kill him, but they recognize him and decide to try to get more from obadiah or at least use Tony to get something they want (arms to take on the major Holds) which he is capable of building but refuses to despite being im a fuckton of pain and possibly dying. They have their Healer (also a prisoner) fix Tony up so hes not actively dying (which maybe involves a 616 esque chestplate bc pern isnt technologically very...well. they've lost a lot of knowledge. But yinsen is a genius) and he can do something for the surface burns and damage as well, but they don't really have much numbweed or fellis, so tong just has a miserable time (despite pern not up to doing surgery yet I guess. S
o it's rlly just treating the burns both from flame/heat and from hno3, and then the chestplate bc Tony's heart is weakened and the plate helps it beat, idk how he would charge it at all tho so maybe no chestplate, he cant help the state of Tony's heart beyond medicines? Unless the chestplate is just a specially designed magnet that helps Tony's heart and doesnt need to b charged, idefk.
Anyway so, they try to convince Tony to build stuff for them, work for them, and hes like uhh no???? Nope! No. And they of course wonf take that as an answer and do some water torture and stuff, and Tony gives in but is hatching a plan to escape with yinsen. Meanwhile something else is hatching ;)
The holdless get angry they're taking too long and decide Tony is faking - and he is, hes been building a suit of armor so that they can escape and flee even if Thread is falling, the metal will b impervious to threadfall - so they take them to their watch wher who is broody on a clutch of eggs. Idk if they think she'll attack Tony and yinsen or eat them or just scare them into cooperating...
And the wher does start growling at them. But then a couple of eggs start to hatch and the holdless start scrambling bc well shit, the ppl they were gonna have bond to the whers arent here, and we have no meat on hand, and someone get a knife and who's going to bond to them so they dont go wild??! And im the chaos two things happen: yinsen is killed, either by a human or maybe by a watch wher, maybe unintentionally.
The other thing that happens is that another baby watch wher stares at Tony, lunges his way, and declares himself Jarvisk, insists Tony is HIS, Tony has the presence of mind or maybe Jarvisk is just v convincing, he offers his already bleeding arm (from one of their captors trying to grab onto him, or from one of the other baby whers, idk) for the wher to blood bond fo him.
And boom, they're bonded, and more their captors are in trouble bc Jarvisk is not happy about their treatment of his bonded! They cause chaos - and maybe I'm deciding that whers can flame like fire lizards, without any need for Firestone - and start fires and then tong notices that yinsen is dead. Dying at least. He died trying to help Tony escape. So Tony and Jarvisk get out of there and leave s smoldering cave system behind them.
Etc etc Tony discovers eventually that obie is the one who set the holdless after him. Uhh drama stuff happens... mostly like the movie just tweaked to fit pern... and then on into avengers maybe idk.
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sonic forces me to analyze the game
this is by no means a full, in depth review of sonic forces. however, since im working on a Forces au i think its only fitting to talk about my personal gripes with the game. just to be clear, i dont hate sonic forces by any means! there are some really neat concepts about it that i enjoy, which ill include my thoughts on as well! though with that said, theres a lot about it that could have been dealt with better. this post is gonna be a bit long and messy, sorry!
now i cant speak for what the gameplay controls itself are like since i havent actually played it with my own hands, so my primary focus will be the story and general format of the game. everything under the cut!
ill start by saying that in hindsight, i think the general premise of the game is actually really neat (had the war framing of the plot not been so overly glorified and bland. more on that below). eggman taking over most of the world is very reminiscent to the initial circumstance of mobius in the early archie sonic publication. it seems especially reflective of the comic in the fact that sonic forces takes place on a planet setting more akin to that of Mobius than that of Sonic’s World/Earth, the difference being the lack of human beings aside from Eggman. while this does somewhat bother me for the fact that it paints an inconsistency with the setting, im also all for the planet being strictly Mobians + Eggman again tbh. the concept of sonic being on earth populated by humans, complete with a mock version of the united states, never really settled well with me. it always felt like just a means to make sonic more relatable, which is true, but not done because it made anything more interesting. a problem that then arises is that the origins of shadow and silver/blaze would be radically different or at least would need some retcon alterations to make sense...but thats a topic for another day
overall, looking past the inconsistency with the setting and its implications, i enjoy how the premise of the game feels like going back to the basics. but even the premise still has its problems...which is never a good sign, and this point practically sealed forces’s fate of inconsistency: the theme of war and how it frames the story is so, so poorly written
starting with whats presented at the beginning of the game, sonic is captured by eggman as a prisoner. if the writing had just left it at that, fine. however, the exposition goes on to say that sonic has been there for six months being tortured...and that tails has completely lost it. again id be fine with this - the theme of war is a darker one so these two events would make sense in this circumstance. however, that tension is just totally lost in a matter of a few episodes. you rescue sonic who is just as cheery and jokey as ever, somehow able to fight a boss despite being supposedly locked away and tortured for six months
of course i understand that its not like they could give sonic ptsd and make him look tortured and weak and so on - but why even mention the torture thing at all? the same problem is apparent with the first cutscene with tails. tails is hardly given enough time to seem like he has "lost it". i will say though that tails WAS given a bit more of an emotional response to work with than sonic overall. particularly when tails is about to be attacked by chaos, and he ducks his head in fear and calls for sonic to help him even though sonic isnt there - i actually enjoyed this small segment bc it does reflect some of what was said about how he reacted to sonics capture (aside from also being across the planet...for seemingly no reason except bc he "lost it" and to get him away from the main group so that classic sonic can appear)
frankly speaking from these two points alone, the games tone just feels kind of confused. its obvious the writers wanted some parts of the darker theme of war...and its also obvious that going all out wasnt gonna be an option bc of the nature of sonic as a character and franchise being about more lighthearted, easier to relate to stories about sonics heroism. which im fine with that being the case; sonic is a hero and more importantly a mascot that profits off of kids being able to relate and look up to. my issue is simply that the premise of this game makes consistent writing kind of doomed from the start if the writers are trying to appeal to both the kids AND older fans. they cant go to the lengths necessary to adequately build the narrative. cant go too dark, cant go too lighthearted, and not finding a balance between to two gives you a confused and bland story
on that note, i personally find the theme of war to be...uncomfortably glorified and unchecked (adding to the tone confusion and blandness). sonic forces is named so because...yknow. armed forces. armies. the whole point of the game is that theres a war going on and youre on the good guy side. i mean its not as if youre fighting against other living creatures, just infinite and eggmans robots, but still. i think what put me off the most is the first comic with the soldier cat. after they save the day, the last lines are "I'll do better. I'll be better. I'll become a real soldier and a real hero." now slap that as the tagline to a united states army corps commercial and suddenly its really...sour tasting
war is just one of those subjects that i think needs to be handled with a bit more care. i mean think about it: the primary gimmick of forces is that you get to make your own character, to be the sonic version of yourself in this world. the plot of the game is that theres a war, and your character joins the resistance to defeat eggman. this game is pretty blatantly glorifying the idea that joining in on a war can make you a REAL soldier, a REAL hero. to some kids, that might sound pretty cool. but theres no nuance to it whatsoever, nothing thought provoking on the subject. no one steps back to be like ‘its good to do good things but wars are tough and not fun, and being a hero isnt everything’. none-a that
now do i think a sonic game could get it into a childs head that they should join the army for real? no, not necessarily. i think its possible, but i think that would also be due to a larger issue of military glorification present in modern culture in general (especially in america). mostly i just find the implications at play with glorifying the theme of war in conjunction to the avatar gimmick to be in poor taste and also entirely avoidable because...
i dont think the war and army framing even had to be a thing. not only is it just so sloppily done in general, with that fact that the supposed soldier forces on the Resistance side are literally never seen on screen except for some dialogue boxes in one episode and the rest of the time only being mentioned through other characters, but i seriously think never saying the words “war” or “army” and not including literal soldiers would have worked just as well and even been the better route. they could have just been like yeah heres eggman taking over the world, heres the resistance fighters that have come together to stop him, they are opposing forces and you play as your avatar to stop eggman - and just leave it at that. it wouldve made the glorification of war less obvious and the handling of the topics at hand appear less confused, appealing to a more lighthearted tone rather than weighing it down with frankly out of place hints to a darker subject of war
finally i wanna talk about the story as it relates to how its told through the game. the plot itself is fairly standard - eggman starts war, captures sonic, takes over planet. you rescue sonic, and together you fight eggman and infinite and ultimately defeat them. thats all good and well even if its cheesy sometimes. the REAL problem is how its executed. a lot of the exposition is given not through cutscenes, but through spoken dialogue with text box subtitles over the episode select screen. and it just feels so...stiff. it doesnt feel like world building, it just feels like being forcefed information with no substance behind it
i get that fully rendered cutscenes throughout can be expensive and time consuming, but shoot id take in-game rendered cut scenes at least. (like in sa, sa2, shadow 2005...) anything that could have provided the world building with a bit more ground to stand on would have been great. sure, there are levels to traverse which look cool...but they dont provide any sense of scale, they dont tell us what the area is like, and more importantly, you never see the other characters who are supposedly on the battlefield "alongside" you in a couple episodes. the storyline from the exposition along sounds like it could be an epic journey - but the way its told with the given game mechanics (i.e.: stage-based gameplay with no open worlds to explore) leaves a lot to be desired
i feel like the stuff explained in the comics should have just been cutscenes or exposition or something to pad out the game a bit. the comics are so short anyways so why just put it in the game? maybe not the first comic about the rando soldier saving the day or w/e...but the comic with silver and knuckles fighting chaos? the comic about infinites origins? all of that could have easily been included. at LEAST the comic with shadow was part of the DLC...but even thats just so gimmicky. they provide important background to the main plot of this game so i really dont understand why it was sidelined to comics and not just included from the beginning
the tension that the exposition already fails to build up is brought down even worse when coupled with the confusing timing of the stage complete screens, where you get your completion rank and see what new character creation items you unlocked. listen, i know immediate gratification for completing the level is important and all...but i swear, having these screens between the end of a boss fight and the cutscene showing what happens to them after being defeated seriously impairs the flow of the game. maybe having it there allows for the cutscene to load up in the background to improve efficiency, but personally id prefer seeing a loading screen as the break between a boss fight and the following cutscene after it and THEN the stage complete screen to finish the sequence off. the boss fight end cutscenes arent that long anyways for the most part, so its just nonsensical to have the stage complete screen interrupt the action when theres only a two minute scene left to it
i cant stand how streamlined forces is to the point of the main plot. what happened to games that actually take the time to explain stuff, show us extra bits to the story and how they connect? and even when forces' does explain SOME stuff, its through audio/text only dialogue. nothing visually interesting, just...dialogue. and then its off to the next level. forces' feels very bare bones honestly. the story is supposed to feel big and epic but it just wasnt given enough to bring that feeling into fruition. this is probably the only thing that saves forces’ from the war glorification issue because the game simply fails so miserably at telling a compelling story due to poor writing and poor formatting that the war stuff gets lost in the mix - and thats just sad
all of this brings me to my conclusion. fuck i wish sonic forces was a better written and executed game, because i do think it could have been so cool. i really like infinite as a villain, in both his design and personality. yeah hes kind of a whiny, edgy bitch - but he had potential. and its really gonna suck if this game killed off all that potential in one fell swoop
(then again, thats why we have fan content and aus :3)
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