#bc we don't conform to “normality”

[sarahlancashire]

there's a thing that happens, when a same-sex relationship (especially if it's an f/f relationship/ involves a female character who has only been involved with men before) is introduced into mainstream media, where a certain type of straight person will go to facebook or similar and complain about it, and then other straight people will join in, and say things like "but apparently our opinions don't matter because we're heterosexual" and i just. FUCKING HATE IT.

we are not saying your opinions don't matter!! we are saying you're wrong, and you're being offensive, and now you have the audacity to mock us for calling you out!!

straight people can find validation and representation in nearly all media that have ever existed, and some of them are still not fucking satisfied.

[ziggystardustmybeloved]

Unpopular opinion maybe but they did NOT destroy Hopper's character in season 3

He lost his daughter and after some years and tragedies that could lead to a complete disaster he found people he deeply cares about

1. He believes he's a curse. He says that in season 4. Everyone he loves he hurts. Pushing away people he cares about seems to be pretty in line with this belief he holds.

2. He lost his daughter. Now, he has El. He's scared his going to lose her bc she literally risks her life every time Hawkins in in danger. And don't forget that the government was looking for her. She wasn't going to school or anything. She was in the cabin all the time - protected by him bc as I said - he already lost a daughter before and El is in a constant danger. Now, El has a boyfriend with whom she spends most of her time. It's normal for a father to question his daughter's partner (to some extent). And he hear from Hopper that all Mike and El do is kissing and that it is constant. I know he's a bot of an unreliable narrator but... Mike and El are 13 at that time. It does not seem healthy. If I were him I would certainly be concerned. Also, we as an audience know Mike, but Hopper doesn't have have enough interactions with him to trust him completely.

3. He tried to ask Joyce out. She didn't show up. He's ego was crashed. And he's the chief of the police. He has a role to fullfill in a society. After losing his daughter he was drinking, taking pills and sleeping with random women. As if he was trying to prove himself. After everything that happened in Hawkins he started to be suspicious of things that other people might find... questionable to look into. He couldn't act as a "perfect chief of police" anymore. So he had to overperform in a different way. He lost his family. He realised that the world he has known for all of his life is... different. He stopped being an authority figure (do you remember when he had to arrest the protesters despite believing that they should be allowed to prostest? He had to conform not to lose his position. He didn't choose to be brave. He chose an option that would save his image and probably job even though it wasn't the right thing to do). And then - after all of that - he realised that the woman he's in love in and who understands and with whom he probably felt like he doesn't have to perform bc she doesn't and she'a not ashamed of it (she was sure that Will talked to her through lights)... doesn't want him. He failed most of the standards set for men in the 80s society. So he had to perform like he didn't.

4. About Joyce again. First of all, IMAGINE YOU INVITE SB FOR "NOT A DATE" AND THEY DON'T SHOW UP WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING AND IT TURNS OUT THEY WERE HANGING OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. Secondly, if he can't be with her than he has to push her away to somehow get rid of those feelings. Again - he performs his manhood (bc of toxic masculinity standards IN THE 80S) and being in love with a woman who he can't have wouldn't help him in that. And as I said at the begining - everyone he loves he hurts. Maybe if he can't keep her close enough to protect her, he should keep enough distance not to hurt her.

Hopper also went through a lot and just because he's not a teenager it doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings and that societal pressures don't affect him. I'd argue that since he somehow was able to fullfill society's expectations at the begining and than he just couldn't anymore he's even more prone to this toxic overcompensation.

I hope that what I wrote makes sense and is understandable (english is not my first language). I just can't stand it when people argue that they "get the chacaters" and than hate on Hopper

[jenny-in-a-jar]

🌈 2 Days Until my Surgery 🌈

(Picture taken June 8th, 2024)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ I finished up most of the story yesterday so today I'll queerness bc it's pride month under the cut! 🌈🌈🌈

But you can read through my journey starting here

First, let's talk about this outfit. Yes, I bought the shorts and top at Spencer's and honestly you can easily find someone who matches it at a large enough pride event. But, it's hard for me to not be sentimental about it. Especially since I wore it at least once the last three years.

(Pictures taken June 11, 2022 and June 10, 2023)

And you can see how it and I have subtly changed these last three years of my transition. (Too bad I didn't have for my first year of transition but such is life 🤷‍♀️). And every year I get excited to wear it again!

Because being queer means a lot to me. I wasn't one of those people who always knew they were queer. But, I never felt connected to my cishet peers either. It's odd looking back and thinking about how my normal group of friends were cishet but at things like summer camp and then college I would quickly make friends with queer people. I really wanted to be like them but couldn't know why because I felt like I didn't deserve to be as cool and free as them.

But, when I let myself dive head into queerness I finally realized that I queer people are mostly awkward nerds and all of them just want to live their lives as fully honestly themselves. And that I could relate to. And that's what made it easy for me "to rip off the band-aid" and transition. It's what let me walk out into a world where I knew I would get hateful stares because I knew I wasn't alone. And seeing how other queer people's eyes light up when they see me showed me I made the right decision because I made them feel less alone too.

And making friends in the queer community is so much easier than in the cishet community. Because there's a lot more likelihood that they'll understand your awkwardness and admire your weirdness. I said earlier that I had gone to a few house parties and actually enjoyed myself for the first time. I think the best way to show why is this anecdote. I remember being in this circle of people standing around awkwardly silent and then someone said "I'm autistic and house parties make me uncomfortable can someone start talking?" and someone replied with how they felt the same way and how they felt the same way and then a conversation started about how hard parties are and social interactions in general but we were glad to be here and to try to connect with people.

And I love studying queer history a lot. Mostly because I'm curious how I would fit in to a time/culture in history. But also I love seeing how we don't fit in existed and how society understood our non-conformity. We have always existed. Queerness is part of the human condition.

The queer community is far from perfect. We all come from very different backgrounds and often have biases we need to work on. But, it's worth it to carve out your place in the community and to find people who understand and support you and to reciprocate for them. Because the alternative is being alone.

And we all deserve to feel loved, in whatever form you need. And because I'm feeling sentimental so here's a picture of me and my love 🥲

(Picture taken June 8th, 2024)

I have one last update before my surgery tomorrow where I'll look towards the future ✨

Next part

[tirfpikachu]

replied to a fellow gyn's post about this already but... i actually really love seeing gnc women embrace typically female names. it's so easy to assume we must use typically male names the second we start being seen as not "womanly" enough in how we dress/act, especially if we're sapphic too. we need to fully take on the Male Role and anything female-coded doesn't suit us anymore. but honestly, i love seeing gnc women have traditionally female names & gnc men with traditionally male names, and have them just be like "so what?" because it shows that people with those names CAN be gnc. people with those clothes/behaviors/etc really CAN be normies.

they don't need to conform to whatever bullshit gender roles their sex is associated with. of course ppl can change names if it makes them happiest, i myself did for a while, but i feel like it's not talked about often enough how badass it is to see a she/her gnc woman who still shrugs off being female, or a confident feminine guy who is still a dude. seeing ppl's eyes widen when they realize that female ppl who aren't trans really CAN look and act like that, and male ppl who aren't trans CAN be feminine and still be cool with their sex at birth, and not even have it be a gay thing either. it's a uniquely radical way to be gnc too. those folks still experience gncphobia, a unique kind of sexism and people can't be like "oh yeah they're trans/gay... THAT'S why they're so unwomanly/unmanly! otherwise it'd just be weird haha!" which makes more sense in their tiny sexist brains.

it's 100% cool to tie your sexuality to your gender nonconformity in some ways, but imo it's also really fucking cool to see a gnc woman who isn't gnc bc she's gay or trans or whatever. same with a gnc dude. you ofc can be gnc and distance yourself from male/female-typical things if it makes you happier, that's cool too. but people who don't are also amazing in a unique kinda way. because current society thinks breaking outside your box means there's something different about you. they see masculinity or the lack of femininity and think female things/terms "just don't suit you." they see femininity on a male body and assume it must say you're different. that it must mean you want to be seen as a woman, it must mean you want the world to see you as unmanly. but when you tell them that no, being a man and wearing sparkly shit and skirts doesn't make you less likely to identify as not a man, or more likely to be gay bc it's a "womanly" thing to be feminine... when you say no, it just means you like sparkles and skirts just so happen to be comfy for you... it breaks their little brain. when you're female and aren't dysphoric about it, aren't trying to distance yourself from femaleness at all, yet you STILL allow your body to be naturally hairy and you wear things that aren't skin-tight or wear unfeminine pants and boxers bc you don't have to worry about showing your ass while doing normal human shit, or that you'd rather spend your time cuddling your pet bunny and watching dumb reality tv in the morning instead of spending half an hour before work doing makeup and wearing hyperfem bullshit and microanalyzing your appearance, now THAT threatens the patriarchy in its own way too.

if being gnc isn't just a trans thing anymore, isn't just a gay/bi thing anymore, that means the foundations of the heteropatriarchy aren't as solid as bio men and brainwashed female folks would like to believe they are and even their OWN camp are fighting against it. when we make being gnc accessible to all and have it say fuckall about someone other than what clothes they like to wear or behaviors they like to do... that makes the patriarchy sweat in ways it's not used to. there's lots of ways to go against it, but it's always super refreshing for me as a gnc dyke to see some gnc folks not distance themselves from being male/female. and as a lesbian, i actually fucking love seeing gnc cis/bio hetero men & women too. feminine men and unfeminine women, metrosexuals/femboys and tomboys or whatever society wants to call y'all. i want being gnc to be an anti-sexist movement that overlaps with lgbt rights but also has its own spaces. i want being gnc to be shrugged off as being totally big deal, and have it say nothing about somebody, have it not be weaponized against gnc women and teach gnc boys they don't need to "man up" or whatever the fuck. i want people to be gnc in whatever way they want. this ain't the only way to rage against the machine, but it's a form of expression i feel like isn't celebrated enough. anyone facing gncphobia in their day-to-day lives is badass as hell <3

[annyankers]

This JUST occurred to me while writing a reply on my "why no magic to fix joyce" post and okay --

( before i go any further i want to say i don't like the "joyce got a tumor because of dawn" theory at all. if that was a thing buffy would have found a magical trace on her during the trance and everyone else would be just as likely to have issues since they were all magically modified. none of what i'm about to talk about should link into that theory at all bc it's dumb. the reason it's so dumb to me is one 1. it reeks of dawn haterism 2. it's copium. )

The supernatural aspects of Buffy tend to be metaphors or thematically tied to her human struggles. It started as "high school as horror movie" and moved into "young adult life via the lens of urban fantasy". In season 5 buffy's two biggest struggles are Glory and her mother's brain tumor.

Sometimes people get sick. That's life. That's the world. That's how it is. Sometimes bad things happen naturally, just as you live your life and there's no big mystical trigger and no bibiddy bobbity cure. And Joss is very much an absurdist and a nihilist, just look at convos like in Amends or Eternity (i think?) or Untouched. Where there's talk about how nothing matters, we're not special the world is big and cruel and impossible, but that pointlessness is what gives us the capacity to make meaning etc. If you want to get more on this what the Passion of the Nerd's Buffy and Angel guides, he gets into Joss' whole philosophy end of things. We see her having to grapple with how to handle real life issues as Buffy-Buffy and not Slayer-Buffy a few other times, like when she thought she'd killed Ted.

But that's why Joyce gets sick, because the world is cruel and uncaring and there's nothing Buffy can do to save her mom from an uncaring god--

OH WAIT.

YEAH.

AND THAT'S WHAT I JUST REALIZED.

Buffy is struggling with the very real human powerlessness of having a loved one be like, dangerously sick. Buffy cannot defeat Glory because Glory, as a god, is simply too high above her pay grade so she is completely helpless as the Slayer.

If the Master in season 1 is adulthood, and Angelus is the evil boyfriend, and the mayor is high school/paternalism and Adam/the Initiative is conformity/the government then Glory is thematically god. This is also why I felt to the need to say I don't connect this to the "Dawn gave Joyce a tumor" theory because someone is gonna be like "oh but if Glory thematically represents god then that means Dawn is-- blah blah blah" and no. Multiple things can be going on at once and themes/metaphors do not need to complete a full checklist of possible uses. Dawn, Joyce/Buffy, and Glory can also be seen via the lens of adopted verse biological family which ties into Family, "it's Summers blood", the "why didn't you tell me what I really was?" freak out. But Dawn and Glory are also not bio fam so like you know, metaphors aren't steel here.

But it just makes a lot of sense in that in the season where Buffy is confronting the scariest kind of normal human shit imaginable she's up against a god. In situations like that of the Summers' family, people will curse god or pray because there's just nothing else they can do. It's a deep chasm of helplessness that no one can fight against. Your loved one will make it or they won't. And even if they live there could be major issues. It's all beyond the scope of what man can control. And it's reflected in her supernatural struggle with Glorificus, a hellgod who EATS BRAINS, has the same rough hair color as her mom, who wants to kill her sister and Buffy is too powerless to stop her.

[selkiemaidenfae]

okokok. idk where u are exactly other than somewhere in early-mid s4 based on not knowing anya very well and I see them in like s6 but. okay. anya/buffy/tara. to ME

anya could seriously help buffy/tara with feeling like outcasts. anya knows she's an outcast and while she does care it's not like ruining her life over here. she doesn't enjoy it but buffy literally falls apart at not fitting with how she thinks she's expected to and tara is just too quiet to properly speak up for herself most of the time. I think she could give them some real self-confidence, the ability to look at the world their own way and decide that they don't have to conform to other's standards to be loved. also anya could help them actually make a living without being awful about it. she's not just supporto girl, she's actually helpful with managing finances!

tara could teach the both of them patience. bc let's be real anya/buffy are go-go-go girls, they're not very good at slowing down without an outside force. and tara's empathy. feeling and caring for others beyond it's-my-duty and not-at-all. anya definitely needs help in the empathy department, and buffy really needs someone to show HER some empathy. honestly these girls just need a break and I think tara could provide a more calm, secure solace without condemning either of them for leaning on her

buffy I feel gives less and is more like... her life is so insane. can we sit down and relax for half a second please. can someone do that with me. please. bc she's ready to go but if anyone ever let her crash I think she WOULD. and I think anya/tara would be able to do that with her. anya is frantic but like I think she'd very much enjoy just being with buffy/tara and getting to experience Human Rituals she'd gone and forgotten about in her longgg time as a vengeance demon or simply never did before. they definitely make a whole thing of it, let anya have fun about it rather than it just being a bit stressful for her. and tara is so down-to-earth girl despite y'know the magic of her. she'd enjoy spending Time with them. also they all make fun of movies together PLEASE buffy and anya already do it u know they do we literally SEE buffy do it in canon if they could get tara comfortable enough she would sooo join in. tentatively at first, but she would! and it'd be a blast for them

I simply think they would be very good for each other indeed :]

okok i see the vibes!

i like the idea of each of them bringing something tjst the others lack and just like learning to be comfortable in themselves bc the same things they don’t like about themselves they Love in the other girls.

and like this bittersweet moment of looking in a sort of mirror and realizing that you’ve been distorting your own reflection, that the features you didn’t like have always been forgivable and loveable.

sort of like a similar vibe to what spuffy has going!

i think buffy needs more ppl who don’t do that whole “i’m going to put you on a pedestal but also severely criticize you when you do anything that doesn’t fit my idea of Buffy ™” that willow and xander are pretty apt to do.

i also love the idea of buffy just getting to have a girls night with them. no drama, no vamp talk, no weird history things getting in the way. just all of them getting to vent and wear homemade face masks that tara brought the ingredients for and “kicking the male species’ ass” storytelling and just… so cathartic and nice and normal for them.

and if they all kiss?? it happens! can confirm, sometimes girls night are just like that.

on a somewhat related note— do you see this ot3 as happening in an au where tillow and xander/anya don’t happen? or is buffy about to have the most awkward scoobies talk of her life?

[virtue-boy]

don't really get the 'endangered butch' thing like I see a lot of butches in my day to day life. I just think soft butch is more normal now like you dont have to be a butch butch butch to survive as a butch anymore, just like you can be a masc gay guy who is also kind of a nelly. Like I have tons of butch friends and I probably half of everyone I do organizing with is butch. Like look I'm just one guy maybe you used to see 500 butches every single day or something but like I see butches all the time I just think people are discounting a lot of people's masculinity or something. Like people are like "When was the last time I saw a butch?" and I'm like bruh I saw like 4 yesterday at a queer meeting what are you on about. Like maybe not hard hard butches but like I kind of think every type of queer identity has loosened up a bit like everyone's more androgynous now. Idk its just maddening to me becuase this narrative makes no fucking sense with my own life. I legit just think that it is people discounting butches who don't fit a certain image of a 30 something hard white cis butch with a midsize to buff build in blue collar cosplay, which of course, shout out but like, that's one type of person. I literally see people alllll the time who would be considered butch if they were taller, cis-female passing, buff, less fat or more in line with ideas of white masculinity. And I mean, 90% of the time when someone says something like this they are definitely not including trans female butches in their definition of the category.

Or like, legit I think this must come down to hair. Like mullet and mid-length hair is big in masculine style rn for all ethnicities and genders. Like I know so many people who would be cookie cutter Butch if they got a crew cut instead of having like, Nickelback hair or a mullet. Like are we really declaring a postmortem on butches over what military conscript's hair looked like in 1950? Or like, what white bloggers in San Francisco were wearing 2006 - 2014? Are we really going to discount all the non-white men's fashions and styles that have mid and long length hair?

The other thing I think must be some kind of gender purity definition of butch as a cis woman, so people are declaring butch dead because people use they/them or identify as non-binary, as if "butch" historically was purely "woman-identified" that never used gender non-conforming language or there were never butches who never identified as girls or women. And of course like, ignoring butch trans women off the bat even through like, they are literally carrying the torch and understand butch more than any cis femme ever could as they are intentional butch women. Anyways.

I legitimately challenge people to think about the hair thing though. I actually think huge swathes of butches are being written off bc they have mid length hair or they dress more like an architect than an auto mechanic or something. Or just that they don't do any blue collar cosplay at all and just wear men's hoodies and shit. I don't know but like, I just saw a post about someone saying that someone said "you're the first butch I've seen in forever" and I'm just like ??? I've seen like 10 butches of various ages and backgrounds I know personally in the last month.

[jentlemahae]

i don't think kpop companies understand what the western general public looks for in a pop artist at all. whenever kpop companies want to make an english song for their girl groups they always go for the juvenile/disney channel route, such as aespa's life's too short, bp's ice cream, twice's the feels and so on. these songs are all fine but they're not really what a western audience wants. hybe kind of did that with katseye and touch. again, it's a cute song but western pop stans aren't looking for cute rn, they're looking for cunty hot girl music. now i may be wrong bcs i don't keep up with katseye like that but i saw a video of one of the members pitching to hybe that they should move away from the cute concept. the members seem to be more tuned in than the company so i hope for their sake that hybe lets them have more say in the future

i totally agree on anon's point about performances. they definitely need to perform and get their name out there on western stages but it's too early for a tour. perhaps hybe needed to release a couple of eps and send them on the summer festival circuit. have some cool festival performances that would get people on twitter talking and then go from there

100% agree !!!!! i think the strongest thing about katseye as a group is that the members are allowed to be normal hot girls and don’t conform to the stereotypical kpop girlie image. i think that’s what has allowed them to be more successful compared to other groups with the same global concept (see that jyp gg). problem is their music isn’t exactly there yet — i actually think touch was not that bad of an attempt lol it’s catchy and repetitive enough, and it’s cutesy but not too much imo! and it seems like their upcoming song won’t be cute at all buuuuuut those previews sound absolutely dreadful and definitely not like something non-kpop audiences would enjoy so that’s not much better 😭😭 i don’t get it because out of all the big k-companies, hybe is the best at monitoring what audiences want (sm is clueless, yg is useless, and jyp is just hopeless), so u would think they’d be able to see that this strategy is not working and yet we are here 😐🙃

and i partly agree with the last point, but i think to send them to festivals and have that work they need to first figure out what audiences want music-wise and have a few songs that non-kpop audiences actually tune into, otherwise everyone will be like “who are they and why are they here” lol like hybe definitely has the ability to send them to festivals even if they aren’t invited, but what good is that gonna do if their music is not going anywhere ?

but again, i don’t think the group is gonna go that far for now, even with the right music and better promo lol nowadays people are all about authenticity and seeing the artist’s identity within their music — more and more artists are becoming songwriters as fans want to feel that connection with the artist though their music, and if they’re not writing their music they’re still very involved in the makings of their songs and the direction of their music. a group formed through a survival show (ie not because the girls chose each other) and whose music is decided by the company is missing that authenticity people want in western audiences. maybe things will change in a few years but i wouldn’t hold my breath 🤷🏻‍♀️

[joleneghoul]

Random thoughts I've had about vanishing point and the Carter siblings (Rip and Rani specifically)

I kind of feel like time travel/temporal magic within the DC universe is a way to touch on the meta of the many rebirths and multiverses of this setting. These are characters who are aware of things that only the reader is often allowed to be aware of from an outsider standpoint because they, too, are outsiders to the narrative like us.

Rip often in stories exists to be a character who without directly (minus once) looking to the reader says "hey did you see that? I saw that, too." Or in the case of the many rebirths of the universe,"remember that? Me too. " When most other characters exist within the confinement of the box the story puts them in.

This, to me, directly reflects the fact he grew up at Vanishing Point, which its name itself i think is a funny little narrative joke but also exists OUTSIDE the overarching narrative of the multiverse.

Look at it like this. What is a Vanishing Point? It's a place on the horizon you look to for guidance on perspective. That's the same for the location.

Now, Vanishing Point offers a few issues when I look at it from a story perspective. These questions I go back to are often.

1. If this is a place that exists outside of time, how does time work within it?

Well, I don't really believe that there is NO time on vanishing point nor that there's ALL of time. I moreso see this place as existing within its own bubble, not part of the multiverse but existing as its own thing, so it can remain unchanged as these universes metamorphosize into new ones. Also, this is why it's so hard to find. it's like looking for a location on Mars while driving around Earth.

There has to be SOME semblance of moving time in this place, and maybe its localized to who steps foot there. Personal in a way. But i say there HAS to be time because both Rani and Rip grow and get older there. (Maybe you can say Rani spent more childhood on earth than rip did but i kinda find it difficult to believe that Rips sister isnt just as important as him and wouldnt need the same protections Rip does for some amount of time in childhood. But hey, that's me. And i dont entirely dislike that take either.)

2. If it's one location, then how can throughout time these characters exist there? How do we not overlap with the past and present versions of our characters if the past and present doesnt technically exist within the bubble?

Again time does technically exist in this place just different from the time that exists everywhere else. If we believe vanishing point exists to give the person there a better perspective then vanishing point will place you where you need to be (not that rules cant be broken bc thats the fun of these guidelines, to push them into something interesting in our stories not 100% conform to them)

3. These things considered what would growing up or living within this space be like?

Same as anywhere else, I think it depends. I think people in normal life can grow up in the same house under the same circumstances yet have completely different life experiences from that- its the same here. But in an overarching sense I think as a ever moving floating bubble of concentrated time thats ever changing its kind of the perfect place for a time traveler to hide some kids, because well the place would probably work to hide them from trouble itself.

I kind of get the feeling its a place that the longer you're there, the more symbiotic it becomes to you. Sort of like how clownfish hide in sea anenome its beneficial for both.

Also, i feel like growing up within these changing conditions of this ever moving place, they'd eventually get used to it in a way that other time travelers arent. Not that it's the best place to grow up. I always get the feeling VP has the opportunity to be an incredibly lonely and isolating place for some of the reasons above.

Anyways. Thats my incoherent thoughts abt dc meta for the night. Also bring back Rips sister

[mushroomgrenade]

Bro the more I have to interact with this fandom (bc of work) the more I have absolute distain over it. You got people leaking your conversation without consent (making me sign NDAs n shit bro, not joking)

You got fuck ass idiots not reading and just pushing their own agendas onto other things even when told not to. Fans not respecting creators/others at all. Non credited reposts (on everything), blatant disrespect, people not being able to take anything either-

Fuck I was just shown earlier today that

A. Someone had an attempt because of me asking them to take things down without consent.

B. Someone telling me how I'm working with another individual that doesn't align with their beliefs. (Like who cares. Move on PLEASE.)

Everyone has their own boundaries set but goes ahead to purposely defile and break others in the name of 'justice'. When in the end it's really just a way to bully and harass others when you are different and don't conform to such.

I don't want to put culture into this but it's honestly funny with how as a Taiwanese, when I moved here to the states to study, they preach freedom to everything. But in the end, the only freedom I see is the freedom to hate anyone that isn't what the privileged prefer. In a lot more ways than one.

I have minors DNI too for this specific reason, and I still got problems because people sometimes fuck up! That's fine! I'm just asking things to be solved, but I didn't ask to be involved in any opinions or feelings getting hurt. The facts are in front of you, we take it or not, we move on, done.

We're also acting like I've ever been hiding about anything, I'm openly blunt, queer, chronically burn out and depressed all the time, if you have a problem, you can talk to me directly. No need to go behind my back since I'll find out anyways.

Anyways, this sucks, it's impressive how a buncha bozos could make something I loved with all my heart and ruin in without even realizing it or giving a damn. I'm trying to provide and make this a fun space for people who like the show, who like the work, and who like what is being created, I really am. But it's hard when a big part of the majority act like this, it's like no one understands normal etiquette anymore.

Also just know that every time y'all call the aliens by the wrong name, the less hope and sanity I have over this shitty fandom. (Which is unfortunately majority).

[butchladymaria]

1, 2 and 17 for the 🔥violence🔥 ask game?

also revisiting this SUPER late but -

OG POST HERE!!!

the character everyone gets wrong

would it be cliche of the guy who wrote a whole long thing about how the doll is misunderstood to say the doll is misunderstood? probably. i'm going to anyway though.

i feel like a lot of folks sometimes miss or overlook the horrifying implications of the doll? i wonder if a partial reason the horror innate to her character slips through the cracks is because she falls into the "level-up maiden" trope of the soulsborne series; which seems to be comprised of generally soft-spoken and/or somewhat submissive feminine women who help the player progress (even if they have goals of their own). i'm not here to argue that my interpretation of her is objectively correct here - but i do think the takes that posit her as a willingly subservient idealized fantasy of a woman are... shallow at best? it feels like some folks piece together that doll is made in the image of a dead woman by gerhman, and then... simply do not wrestle with the Implications of that.

for another example of this, just see adella. she seems to be reduced to "yandere psycho" at her most complex in a lot of fan interpretations, despite so much evidence indicating that it's much deeper than that.

all these examples make me wonder if the sentiment, subconscious or otherwise, that women are "meant" to be submissive and gentle is what leads these portrayals to go unquestioned or seen as more "normal" than if it were a man in that position. even maria, a canonically gender nonconforming character, has people bending over backwards to explain how she is actually totally a good little gender conformer because she... wears a hair ribbon…? (i wish i was exaggerating that claim but that has Been in my inbox lmao)

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

i've given this a lot of thought, anon, and come to the conclusion that the best (and maybe funniest...?) interpretation of this question is to answer it as follows:

miss doll would indeed never top OR bottom, mostly because i see her as asexual. i feel like the way she unless you want to consider the implications of gerhman pulling a victor frankenstein and giving his creation working sex organs. but i like to think we live in a nice world instead of a world where that is canon. eugh.

then again, i guess doll body probably isn't stopping ranni from bisexually topping the tarnished...? hmm.

in all seriousness i don't tend to have strong opinions on top/bottomhood for bloodborne characters, because i think they're mostly too catholic to fuck!

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

MORE BLOODBORNE YURI!!!!!!!!!!! vampires were literally and unironically MADE for lesbian barely-concealed-subtext babey!!!!

MORE BLOODBORNE TRANSGENDER!!!!!!!!!! i love trans people's takes on bloodborne! body horror is transition goals if you're not a coward!!!

i also just love cainhurst - artfight was a dream bc i saw SO many cute little knights :)

[thegeminisage]

it's star trek update time. last night we watched ds9's "profit and loss" and tng's "genesis."

profit and loss (ds9):

i was EATING! what an amazing episode. even though there was lots of quark and he's not normally my favorite

entire section with quark on his knees begging or whatever. that post thats like "gay people never flirt normally it's always shit like this"

my favorite part was that, in spite of all quark's begging and bribery, odo was like "yeah no i was gonna disobey orders anyway bc justice. this was fun though thanks" like my absolute KING and best friend odo startrek.

also, odo's complete and total disdain for the idea of romance........please. he's SOMEWHERE on the ace and/or aro spectrum. idk where but he is

AND GARAK! i'm sad he only had one conversation with bashir but i was so excited to see him and find out even a little bit more about him. i was like aw cm,on hes harmless hes just a little guy hes a gay little tailor and then they strongly implied he used to be an assassin and i had to pause the episode bc i got lightheaded

at first i didnt understand the end...like he informed on them and was gonna kill them to get back to cardassia and then just RANDOMLY changed his mind? but he told you what he was gonna do in his very first scene. it's loyalty to the state before loyalty to loved ones - or, yes, even the self. his 180 was a little abrupt, but i totally got it once i thought about it. the depth of the love he has for a place that ??? tossed him out ??? i guess? is pretty amazing

my only real complain about this episode was that they fumbled quark a little. that episode where he was in a quasi-romance with that cross-dressing ferengi actually gave us a good set-up - he does have a soul/conscience/whatever and IS capable of caring about other people, even more more than he cares about his assets (like the bar) - in both this episode and that one, he was perfectly willing to throw away the bar for a love interest. but in that other episode, he wasn't willing to live and be with that other ferengi unless she conformed to HIS idea of how women should be. in this one, he was briefly entertaining the idea of throwing away his entire life to go fight this lady's cause with her (which i don't think he could have followed through with), but absolutely nobody brought up "if you love her you have to give her agency and let her do what she wants ie leave" or at the VERY least "it's creepy/selfish to try and blackmail her into more or less marrying you." like, no, you don't need to spoonfeed the audience, WE know it's creepy, but her students going "yeah no let her stay!" was bonkers. and then when he did let her leave (and decided not to go with her even though he'd offered to do that earlier) it was just because he...had no choice?

idk, i feel like "quark sold food to starving bajorans even though it was illegal" does a LOT to humanize him, and in a GREAT way because plausibly he could go "yeah well the bajorans had money and i like money" to deny he has a conscience or whatever. AND IT WAS A THROWAWAY LINE. meanwhile he spent half this episode being creepy to this poor cardassian lady and it kind of undoes all that...? i'm not saying i DON'T want quark to be selfish and secretly a goody two-shoes, but i do want him to care about SOMETHING in a way that's like, if not totally unselfish, at least in a manner that has depth. "i like this lady so i want her to stay here forever and forget logic and also whatever she wants" is pretty much the least complex kind of romance you could give him. it works as a STARTING point, but if the endpoint is him just letting her leave because he quite literally has no choice, there wasn't much of a point to any of it plotwise, even if his non-sexist antics were extremely fun to watch in this episode

genesis (tng):

if spot transformed into an iguana right as she was finished giving birth to her kittens and they were a day old when data and picard found them, that means those newborn kittens did not eat for a full 24 hours and picard and data left them in data's quarters without feeding them or caring for them at all, which is perhaps the gravest sin either of them has ever committed

newborn kittens can only last a few hours without nursing - after half a day, they'd all be gone. and SOMEHOW they're still alive even though NO ONE HAS FED THEM and they don't even stop to feed them like we SAW them leave you can't even pretend they just did it offscreen between scenes. like are you kidding

ALSO, spot and all the other cats aboard this fucking spaceship should be fixed??? i hate to accuse my best friend data of being an irresponsible pet parent but there it is :/

i would never take my cats into space. they don't even like car rides. how can you drive this ship into a planet when there are children AND CATS aboard?? i hate tng so deeply

anyway, doing all of that to worf was racist and worf biting deanna in the bath was rapey. no wonder the actors hated worf e deanna almost every single one of their scenes together has been awful. -1000000/10 this might be my least favorite episode of tng i've ever watched

TONIGHT: ds9's "blood oath" and tng's "journey's end" and yes ik what that one is about and i am full of dread

[anonymousyellowlizard]

noticing traits in somebody else that you also see in yourself and discussing those similarities as they relate to gender non-conformity or neurodivergence isn't something to be demonized.

there's been a few instances in my personal life that i've speculated about a friend potentially being in the closet because i saw myself in them! their behaviors reminded me of my own behaviors that cishet people probably wouldn't take note of, but i saw them because i saw me.

i don't think speculation and discussion are wrong in his situation. i didn't confront/harass my friends about my thoughts in the same way that the people on here who i've seen talking about dnp gender or neurodivergence wouldn't confront/harass them about it. (i also didn't discuss my speculations about my friends with anyone, but there's a difference to me between talking about a friend with other people who know them and having a conversation about a public figure.)

discussion about aspects of ourselves that we see in dnp isn't dangerous. no one is out here making accusations or demands; it's speculation in the most neutral sense ("to review something idly or casually and often inconclusively," webster's dictionary). people aren't speaking in serious definitives or being invasive in any of the discussion that i've seen. in actuality, the only negative thing i've seen surrounding the discussion is people being belittled or shamed for the grand crime of...recognizing similarities between their own experiences and what we've seen from someone else? i'm not sure when we all agreed that the only acceptable action is to assume someone is the 'normal' option unless they've stated otherwise.

i think you're right to prompt people to look inward about what exactly it is that might be making them uncomfortable about these conversations.

sending you love <3

100% what you said and actually, thank you for bringing up the difference in how we engage with public figures (who understand that their lives are being speculated about by a much larger number of people than your average Joe) vs how we engage with our peers (whose lives are intertwined with our own hence making any discussion or gossip about them immediately spread within our insular groups/communities and often being seen as having more truth than celebrity gossip bc it's a more grounded relationship with people we see regularly, rather than a parasocial one)

It's interesting, when I was studying Philosophy at college we had an entire section in a lesson just talking about the ethics of "Gossip" (esp wrt celebrity culture) and how it's inevitable and even human nature to speculate about and be interested in each other and with public figures it involves a lot more people so how do you navigate the ethics of that? And back then I thought "this is surely common sensical, surely we don't need to dedicate lesson time to discussing the ethics of talking about public figures vs random people in our lives" but I suppose this is exactly why people have needed to properly discuss and discourse these topics from an objective lens of what is ethical, because you need strong basic principles and understanding of ethics to build upon particular situations. And this is maybe what is lacking from a lot of discourse:

we are expecting our personal feelings and discomfort to do the work that academic inquiries (ie, rational systematic breakdown of any situation, not even in a classroom just in your mind) are supposed to do.

You won't reach the answer to "is this okay to do?" by thinking in terms of "how does it feel? Does it feel right or does it feel wrong?" because genuinely you gotta put in the work to ask "what is leading to this situation, whom if anyone does it harm, what steps do people already take to mitigate this, how can we create an environment that causes the least possible harm to all parties included, what does this particular thing mean for us socially and politically?"

It's okay if people don't have the time to engage in these introspections but the trouble is too many people thinking they should preach their opinions on these ethical matters without actually doing any ethical reasoning on their parts instead of moralistic ones.

Thanks for the love, anon! ❤️ This was a good one to receive and discuss

[katiesfriendzone]

tw: pedophilia; however please read b/c you all deserve my honesty.

I am extremely apprehensive about writing this and understand if you all can't be my friend anymore. I just cannot take the feeling of lying by omission to you all anymore.

I am friends with self-identified non-offending female pedophiles and it's because the big problem I allude to on my blog was thinking I am one.

In 2020, I was coming to terms with the fact that my beliefs were not very consistent, and the situation with Emmett made me realize I didn't really have business calling myself a feminist. this led to a period of intense questioning of many things I believed to be an established part of myself.

This period of questioning lead to an intense period of what would probably be labeled POCD. I still struggle to understand the difference between a closeted sexual orientation and an intrusive thought, as closeted gay people also experience their attraction as "unwanted thoughts"; thoughts being unwanted doesn't mean they don't reflect something real because they could be unwanted for so many reasons.

The idea that it was my sexual orientation made sense. After all, if being a lesbian or a gay man can also be characterized by aspects of personality not necessarily related to sex, like a gay man reminiscing of playing with girls instead of other boys at recess or a lesbian reminiscing on her days on the softball team, surely my form of gender nonconformity, which doesn't embody rugged masculinity or feminine polish but childish lack of both adult femininity and masculinity, could be part of my orientation. It would explain why I felt asexual towards men and towards women.

I like kids. That is obvious. I can't peek into anyone else's head who likes kids in a Normal way and see if their feelings for children are different from mine. I think children are, physically, cuter and nicer to look at than adults. I don't feel anything about their genitalia but as we know I actively dislike both vulvas and penises so that's kind of a moot point. I've never watched CP, but I've also never really watched adult porn. A mutual of mine who's since blocked me, maybe bc she was canny enough to clock this or maybe just bc im annoying, wrote a great post about queer refusal, and how queerness is often implicitly defined about being about being more and more open sexually, whereas for lesbians, often the most non-conforming thing about them is their LACK of attraction to/refusal of men. I think women who aren't attracted to men and lack the capacity to be attracted to men for whatever reason are queer, oppressed, etc. full stop.

I understand why, hearing this news, your concern and compassion would not be for me, but for children. I understand, with child sexual abuse being so rampant and CSA:pedophilia being synonymous in people's minds, that it could seem insane that someone who is hypothetically doing all this damage could be the one who is sad. I would like to make a big ask right now and ask you to consider queerness through the above lense and see why someone who is not attracted to men or to women might relate to or find solace in gay, lesbian, queer sentiments and struggles.

again, I can't peek into anyones head. I feel less repulsed by vulvae and penises than I did at the height of all this, and there are certainly adults who I like to look at (hi Dev Patel), and when I feel even the slightest glimmer of attraction to an adult, I indulge in it (hi, obsessive Dev Patel posting) to the most extreme degree I can. However, if you were to replace "man" with "adult" in the Lesbian Masterdoc, then well, you can see it from space.

The communities I've found have been very male centric. Even the resources that exist think of women like me as, and this is a direct quote from a clinics website, "irrelevantly rare". Women in these spaces are basically forced to rub elbows with misogynistic, antifeminist men because feminists have made it clear we aren't welcome.

I am a question mark. I'm always open to one day feeling the right way. But my best friend, who I met through one of these communities, has known this about herself since puberty. The idea that pedos just can't get someone their own age is especially painful for her experience, because like all women, she deals with sexual harassment and unwanted attention from men. She's my friend and I refuse to abandon her, even if it turns out I'm not the same as her. I would actually rather die than betray my friends when they are suffering.

Since this all began, I have seen countless testimonies from female exclusive pedophiles (meaning ones like my friend who feel nothing for adults and in my opinion fit the model of queer refusal of men I discuss above) and I would characterize them with despair, desperation, depression, alienation, rage, and a belief in ones inherent inferiority. I simply refuse to cosign these beliefs in other women based on thoughts and feelings they cannot help.

I'm not sure where this leaves me and you guys. I accept whatever happens to me as a result of posting this. I will add the following disclaimers: in addition to all of this I do also have maternal/auntlike instincts, and my feelings about my own niece or the kids of friends on here are purely aunt feelings. When I first confessed all of this to Ted his response was initialy that my feelings for children were normal, and that i just lacked attraction to adults, but the thing is most people seem to think that asexuality isn't a real orientation, so I'm not sure what that would make my orientation. But again: i simply refuse to betray my best friend.

I wonder what the price of honesty will be...but in my opinion, the truth is priceless. I do not know what you are all going to do to me after this post, but whatever you do is up to you. It's 100% your choice. I'm sorry for lying to you all by omission the past few years, and you don't have to accept my apology. I don't know what I'd do in your position. But I don't really know what I'd do in my position either, I guess this.

[dumbdomb]

hiii <3

i've very much enjoyed how you've bullied me, and that made me wonder: what has been your favourite experience with humiliation/degradation play? what did you do, who was being degraded, and how did it feel?

i don't have very much experience bc it takes a while for me to feel safe and bonded with someone to share that type of intimacy (nonsexual). this is a general thing about me. thinking about my earlier experiences, which are so special and close to my heart...

there have been two similar situations where i really felt that jolt of power and dominance, each with friends i felt comfortable with. the first was more innocent. i was helping to massage my friend's back, and i've simply never been one to have any upper body strength XD. they wanted a deep massage, and i, very cautiously, asked if i could try other ways rather than just using my hands. i tried my elbows, quickly moving on to knees, and that got better results. but i still wasn't strong enough. it all seemed very funny to me, trying so laboriously to rub my friend's back with appropriate force necessary to help them feel better... basically, i ended up standing directly on them, and they loved it! i had such an unusual, curious, inkling of a spark in that moment... i've never talked about this with them, but it changed me. haha!

the other time was with another friend, and we were in his room. i don't remember how it began, helping him move furniture or something like that. i had demonstrated that infamous leg strength and stood up feeling accomplished (ok, big strong transmasc boi stronger than friend feeling actually). he jokingly admired my thighs before carefully caressing them, i think he would've kissed my thigh if i let him. but i wasn't ready for changing what we had. he was the only friend i had, then, who also didn't have siblings or a father growing up. i felt like my body didn't have to be stereotypically soft and feminine to be attractive (something i knew, but an entirely different feeling from someone else).

each experience came with a sense of control, responsibility, and empowerment. it gave me a sense of myself, of who i could be when i wasn't trying to conform and "be normal" and likeable.

[mortaki]

I agree, come out culture in general has become a bit weird. Like I was pressured into "coming out" as bi when I was a teenager even though I wasn't even bi and still am not. It was not a secret that I was willing to date men and women and any combination thereof. I wasn't hiding it, it was just a fact about me that did not often come up. And when someone finally found out it was this "omg you're a lesbian" reaction. and I was like "no" bc I'm not. then it was "oh so you like guys too? so you're bi". and I was like "no" bc I'm not. and it was this big thing about how if I like men and women I must be bi, and I didn't understand why I had to be bi and couldn't just be me. like I was not confused or ashamed or anything. in fact, I didn't even think being queer was particularly weird, it was totally normal for me growing up. the weird thing to me was that I had to declare or announce any of this to anyone or that I had to use a word that someone else decided defined me. it's still weird to me.

nowadays I don't mind using labels. I go by pan/ace, just fine. I actually like calling myself ace a lot. but when pressed, I would still decide to say "I don't particularly care about gender" or "I also date women" rather than saying I'm pan.

I consider myself cis, but I'm not especially gender conforming either. Like I've never corrected someone about my pronouns bc I've never felt that any used were incorrect even if they didn't match my assigned sex. I don't talk to people about this specifically bc I don't want another "so that means you're this" conversation. I already know what I am. I am not confused. I don't need a word for it at all because I'm perfectly capable of explaining it when necessary as I just did. I feel like maybe we forget that not all things are universal. Not every queer person comes out or needs to or wants to. Not every queer person uses or needs or wants labels. Let people describe themselves the way they want to be described.

it is so wildly annoying and frankly arrogant to assume that if a gender non-conforming cis person doesn't publicly ""officially"" come out on the internet, it means they haven't figured out their own identity yet and you have "figured it out" before them. wild take but maybe they're completely cisgender and know themselves just fine and just don't conform to your rigid standards of what you think gender has to look like

and on the other hand, if they ARE indeed trans, I guarantee you it's because they want to do things on their own time because that's a real person with real feelings who definitely doesn't appreciate a hoard of faceless strangers on the internet smugly telling them that WE know you better than YOU do, actually, come out on OUR terms thanks