#bc these all came in between when i went to bed at like 3am and when i woke up this morning 😂

[deelovesbooks]

"a bucktommy break up will make me cry and break my heart a little bit" well then might i suggest not watching s8 cause that break up is inevitable

actually Lou has called me directly and said that they offered him a 5 season contract and he accepted on the condition that bucktommy get to fuck nasty on screen once an ep so idk what break up ur talking about 🤷‍♂️

[oneforthemunny]

I should be asleep right now but I thought of this dialogue for an argument between NB and RS Ed and had to share it, I hope that’s OK 🙃

“Out there, you’re outrageous Eddie Munson. Notorious EX-Groupie Fucker and professional fool. In here your Ed, husband and father so don’t pull that shit with me. I don’t care if you played to 10,000 or 100,000 people last night. Get. Over. Yourself. Make yourself useful and go change your daughters diaper”

I imagine him having a huff about something like Leonardo DiCaprio in Wolf of Wall Street when Margot Robbie throws the water in his face. Maybe he went a-bit too hard with the guys the night before after a local show and came home fucked up, waking the girls up and causing chaos at 3am.

omg. please always share the dialogue bc this is so good.

he went out in the afternoon, was out all night, stumbled home and almost woke up the twins in their cribs and the other girls bc he was so shit faced.

you were livid beyond belief. eddie had a few bumps in the road but mostly when the girls came along he sobered up. too scared of fucking them up and being like his own dad.

you knew he’d drank, you could smell it, and by the crusted blood around his nose he’d snorted something.

the baby monitor shrilled and he laid unmoving. you stood at the door of the bed, watching him, jaw clenched in pure rage. “get up.” you barked, yanking the covers off him.

he groaned, low and miserable, muttering. “get the fuck up.”

“what the hell-“

“-no, don’t you dare.” you snap, lifting a finger at him. “go say bye to the girls. we’re leaving.”

eddie’s blinking awake, confused and a little jostled. you glare at him so furious so careless and he knew how that made you feel. being so drunk he was incoherent and around the girls?? he knew that was a sensitive spot for you, reminding you of your own childhood.

“baby, wait. let me explain-“

“- I don’t want your explanation. I don’t want shit from you right now but to get out of my house.” you snapped. “you have ten minutes and I’m taking the girls to farrah’s for the weekend so you better go.”

you don’t give him a chance, turning on your heel. eddie is sick, and not just from the hangover. he feels guilty enough to cry, hugging the girls tightly and whispering that they’ll have the best girls weekend with auntie farrah. they’re too excited, too young to know why they’re really going. he looks at you, all sad eyes and downturned lips. he tries to kiss you, but you turn walking to the driver’s side.

“you better remember who you are now, munson. not who you used to be. you’re a different man and you better act like it.”

then you’re gone. gone with his babies. furious and hurt, and he’s miserable, racked with guilt and regret.

eddie starts going back to his therapist after that, back to his meetings, back on track. even if it was just one night… he wants to keep it that way.

he doesn’t show up, miraculously. he knows that would make you even more furious. he calls the girls at night to hear about their day and tries not to sob when you refuse his calls. he sends you a bouquet to the house, big and over the top, a letter that’s four pages long of ramblings and regrets, his heart poured out on every line.

[la-principessa-nuova]

I’m definitely on a sort of downward spiral of distractibility and sleep schedule.

My official plan is to sleep 12am-8am and work 9am-5pm.

I was doing so well last year, typically falling asleep somewhere between 11 and 1, and waking up naturally somewhere between 7 and 8.

Then in early December, I had the moment where I understood my gender dysphoria and that I needed to transition, and that night I stayed up until 4 am reading about gender dysphoria and then until 5 am taking notes about it and buying stuff to try out presenting femme.

I never fully recovered from that night.

Eventually, around the time I started therapy, I mostly solved the issue (not because the therapy helped me with it, but more like being in a better place helped me get through finding a therapist finally). I was going to bed like 1-3 am, waking up 8:30-9 on weekdays, 8:30-11 on weekends.

Then I came out to my mom and sister, and there were a few nights after that where they unexpectedly came over with a barrage of questions and “concerns” and every time I’d planned on doing something else and so when they left I just continued on as if they hadn’t been there and stayed up late.

But then I got in the habit again of staying up until after 3am, with most nights not being in bed until 4am and so many nights that i’m up past 5am.

so then i sleep through my 8am alarm and usually wake up to my 9am one, check my email and teams on my phone, and if there’s nothing important, i go back to sleep.

So like right now it’s 12:15pm, and I haven’t gotten out bed to start working yet, aside from a few emails I read and archived in bed. Luckily the nature of my job doesn’t require me to do it on a schedule, aside from if i have meetings or someone asks me something, so I’ve been able to work around it mostly, except the part where I’m soooi tired all the time bc even with sleeping in, i’m only getting like 4-6 hours per night.

And I have an interview today for a job that would require me to get out of bed every morning and be on a call at 9 AM, and I kind of can’t imagine that even though I did it for years with no problem.

But I just keep getting so distracted. Like last night I went upstairs at like 11ish PM. I went up because I had an idea for a comic that I wanted to make, that I’d gotten distracted when I tried to make it earlier, and I sat down thinking I’ll do a quick doodle of it to get the idea out, maybe finish it, and be in bed by 1 AM. Then I got more distracted and ended up not staring drawing until almost 1 AM.

But it’s OK, I told myself, I’ll just doodle the concept really quickly and go to bed. Then I got hyper-focused on drawing, and suddenly it was, no joke, after 5 AM.

When I saw how late it was, I immediately went to bed. But by the time I fell asleep it was after 5:30.

But, like, the less I sleep the easier I get distracted and hyperfocus on the wrong things, and the more I do that, the less I sleep. It’s a vicious cycle.

I have some ideas to try to get myself back on track, but PDA makes it a real struggle to stick to plans that are ultimately about getting me to stop doing what I want and yield my time, since as soon as I go to sleep, my time is over and the next thing I have to do is work again.

[fluffymcu]

The U-turn

Inspired by the “he’s leaving now, you can come over” trend on tiktok

Bucky x sister!reader (Bucky and the reader don’t live at the compound here)

(and yes the wakandans have their own reality show bc I think that would be so hilarious and entertaining 💀

Also it’s 3am so I’m writing this with half a brain cell working overtime so sorry if it’s bad

You smiled at the tiktok you were watching of a girl texting her boyfriend “he’s leaving, you can come over now” as he was getting in his car. You watched him glance up at the apartment and funnily run his way back inside.

You immediately had the idea to do the same with your brother.

“Hey y/n/n I’m going over to the compound to pick up some papers for a mission.” Bucky said as he poked his head into your room. You perked up.

“Perfect!” You grinned. Bucky furrowed his brows at you and have you a weird look.

“Perfect?” He echoed. You widened your eyes just a bit.

“No. Nothing. I’m gonna take a nap don’t bother me!” You rushed out, engulfing yourself under the covers. Bucky stared at the lump on the bed for a second more before leaving.

“Okay... I’m be back in an hour.” He said hesitantly, suspiciously closing the door. You snickered to yourself once he left, running to your window and watching him until he left the driveway. You made a dramatic evil laugh to entertain yourself and skipped over to the living room to watch an episode of Keeping up with the Wakandans. You wanted to wait a bit until he was farther from home to make it that much miserable for him.

“Move. Or you will be moved.”

Okoye: Ayo asked me to move. I was so taken aback and offended. So offended in fact, that I had to restrain myself from reaching for my vibranium spear.

Ayo: Okoye was in my way. I asked her to get out of the way as politely as I could. I don’t know what else she could want from me. But if you don’t like the way I say it, don’t get in my way.

“

”

If you lay a little finger on me, I will make sure to wrap you up in a nice little package and send you as a snack to M’Baku’s children

Okoye: Clearly she is upset because we still haven’t opened a Starbucks in Wakanda. But we have more important things to take care of other than coffee. But I don’t see how she could be offended over my response. We wakandans are honorable people. We do not lie, nor belittle ourselves for the sake of other’s emotions. So as you can see, what I said to her was straight from the heart!

T’ challa: I don’t know where all this conflict started between them. That’s all I have to say. Can I go now?

Shuri: it’s great!! Okoye and Ayo keep acting out the scripts that I give them, you record them, and we get the money! It’s my most entertaining and innovative idea I’ve come up with so far. And I’ve come up with some incredible things!!

You were invested in the show that you almost forgot about the prank. Snapping out of it, you grabbed your phone and clicked on buck’s contact. After typing out the message, you hit send with a mischievous grin. You didn’t know what to expect but it was exciting sobre it’s been a while since you’ve really messed with your brother.

Bucky was halfway to the compound when he heard his phone bing. The notification sound let him know that it came from you, so he opened it to see what you needed, holding up the phone so he would still see the road.

He’s gone, you can come over now baby :)

His eyes comically widened in terror, not being able to take his eyes off that last word.

Baby.

In an instant, he slammed the brakes, eliciting a stream of honks from the cars behind him that almost slammed into him. He couldn’t even pay mind to them as he made a 3 point turn and quickly started driving the opposite way: home. While he drove, he dialed your number on speaker, bouncing his free leg anxiously. The call quickly went to voicemail which made him sit up in shock and anger. He called you again, going straight to voicemail. And again. And again!

You were giggling your head off seeing the screen constantly light up with Bucky’s name on it. You kept quickly hitting deny, just imagining his hilarious state. Soon you found yourself laughing out loud clutching your belly as the calls kept coming and he did not stop! You actually wanted to answer for a split second to hear his reaction personally but decided milk the prank a bit more.

Bucky had never driven so fast in his life. He was mentally thanking Tony for this car since it was able to reach high speeds. He couldn’t get the image out of his head if you having a boyfriend yet. Maybe at 40 years old, no, maybe 50. No- Just to be safe, 80 years old. But not now!! You were WAY too young to be with someone! He was the only man you needed in your life right now. The thought of a boy being in his house right now... alone... with his little sister who’s too innocent for this world?!?!? He was barely even paying attention to the road anymore. It was like he was being driven by a motor, automatically driving down the street, his head flooded with thoughts.

You were satisfied, munching on a bag of chips as you finished your show, when you heard the screech of tires pull up at your house. That’s when it cocked and your stomach dropped. He had come back.

You weren’t really expecting him to come back, let alone be back so fast. You jumped off the couch with a nervous squeal leaving your throat as you went to hide.

Not a second later, Bucky kicked his way in the house. “HEY! WHO’s IN HERE?” He boomer, putting on his intimidating voice. He stomped all over the house, searching for the boy. And you. “Y/N!”

“Y/N”

“Y/N!!”

You were in the closet upstairs, your eyes wide open in shock. He sounded serious. Maybe you should have picked a different prank. Still, you couldn’t help but find the situation hilarious.

“HEY! COME OUT! NOW. Y/N I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU HAVE A BOY IN HERE!!” You heard him from downstairs, throwing your head back as you laughed as quietly as you could. You heard him stomp his way upstairs and you quickly covered your mouth. “IF THERES A BOY IN HERE, HE BETTER COME OUT NOW. BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER MINUTE, I JUST MIGHT SWITCH!!” He growled. You gasped to yourself in surprise when he said that. You knew he wasn’t capable of switching another thanks to Shuri, but it was still so funny to hear him say that.

Having enough of this, Bucky stood perfectly still, closing his eyes and focusing on what he heard. He felt his superheating adjusting and zoning into all the sounds he could hear. Cars from outside. Wind blowing. A/C air circulating. Clock ticking. Light bulb hum. Giggles.

He opened his eyes and without moving a muscle his eyes followed to the closet door. He picked up light muffled giggling. Had to be you. He quickly rushed over and yanked the door open, making you scream. He grabbed your arm and pulled you up and out. “Where is he.” He huffed, letting you go and looking all around your room and you watched him with laughter.

“Where’s who?” You giggled, crossing your arms. He didn’t look at you, but you saw his eyes dulled in annoyance.

“Don’t play with me y/n. I got a message from you that was supposed to be for your little boyfriend. You sent it to me instead.” You growled.

“Whahat message?” You shrugged, playing dumb knowing it got on his nerves more. Finally he looked at you with an expression that told you he was done, and started to walk towards you. You burst into nervous giggles and ran across to the other side of the room to dodge him.

“Where is he.” He asked again. “I’m serious Y/n. Where’s the boy.” He began to look more hurt and sad than furious now. You decided that it was enough messing around and tell him the truth before he got sad.

“There’s no boy, Buck. I was just playing.” You said in a light voice, throwing your head back and rolling your eyes. His face stayed the same. He didn’t believe you. “Really!”

“I got the text, y/n.” He deadpanned.

“I know, I did it on purpose, dummy! It was a prank!” You laughed. Bucky’s jaw dropped as his eyes Dulles again.

“So you made me come alllll the way back home... all the way back!... for nothing?? After I needed to get some oh so very important papers from a place almost an hour away, you make me turn back after I was half way there... for a prank??!?” Bucky stressed, raising his brows at you. You had to bite back your giggles but it wasn’t working too good. You raised your hands in defense.

“Hehey, in my defense, I didn’t think you were gonna actually come back here!” You shrugged sheepishly.

“Well if you send a text like that then decline every call I send your way, YEAH IM GONNA COME BACK!” He exclaimed, making a beeline towards you. You run out the door with a squeal, giggling loudly as you ran from your brother who was hot on your heels. You couldn’t deny that as scared and nervous you were, you were having so much fun messing with Bucky.

You ran downstairs and tried getting to the kitchen island but before you could get there, Bucky caught you. He grabbed you from behind and lifted you up, wasting no time in mercilessly digging his fingers into the middle of your belly, ignoring your loud hysterical laughter. “NAHAHAHAHAHA!! BUHUCKY STAHAHAHAP!!” You arched your back against him but that only pushed your belly more into his hands, making you try to flop around like a fish. He carried You over to the couch, sitting down with you in his lap. You quickly tried to roll off from him but he grabbed your arm and lifted it over your head, blowing a big raspberry on your ribs. You yelped and flinched hardly at the ticklish feeling, kicking your legs out to distract you from it.

“I’m really enjoying my payback by the way. Very satisfying. And it’s almost making the trip back here worth it” He hummed, hooking his arm under your neck to nuzzle his stubble into it, making playful nomming noises. You screamed, trying to scrunch up your neck. He knew his stubble always killed you. “BUCKYHYHYHY!!” You pushed at his chest. You managed to slip out of his arms for a moment but only made it a couple of feet before he caught you again with a chortle. “Ohohoho! Where do you think you’re goin? We just started!” He smirked, grabbing you by your legs and holding you halfway upside down.

“NohohohooooOOO!” You cried, protesting as he was only holding you on one side while using his metal hand to tase his finger in your belly button, grinning at your hysterical cackles. It amused him how you’d try to “ab crunch” your way up to stop him but were too weak with laughter to sit up very long. “Awww, don’t like a wittle tickle? Hm?” He teased in a baby voice, bending over with you still in his arms and rubbing his face all over your belly and mumbling the same things.

“NAHAAAAHA!! SORRYYYY IM SOHOHORRY BUCKYHYHY!!” That drove you crazy, finally making your laughter turn silent as all you could do was silently slap at his head. Bucky giggled at your hysterical reaction.

“Oh, you’re not sorry, you’re just sorry you got caught!” He laughed, pausing to give you a minute to breathe. “And cause you want me to stop!” He sang with raised eyebrows, starting to dance his fingers at random places on your belly and sides to keep you guessing, eliciting a new stream of giggles out of you.

“NohohoHOOO PLEHEhease!! Buhucky dohohont! Ihihit tickles!!” You laughed, trying to block his fingers as best you could. Bucky chortled and shook his head, momentarily setting you on your feet before quickly lifting you by your sides and throwing you in the air, blowing a big raspberry on your belly each time he caught you. Butterflies swarmed your stomach at the feeling, lagging your heart out.

“Who’s the tickle monster??” He teased, throwing you up and tickling you again and again. “Huh?”

You could hardly even think anymore, the only thing going through your head was how much it tickled. All you could do was laugh and hiccup. Bucky could tell you were out of it, laughing along with you. With a few hiccups You about about to let out an exhausted “You!” before he finally stopped.

With a chuckle he carried you on his hip to your room before playfully throwing you into your bed from the doorway. You squeal as you landed on the mattress and giggled, getting under the covers for a nap while he walked to your bedside. “Jerk.” You mumbled sticking your tongue out at him.

Bucky quickly scratched under your chin to make you flinch and scrunch your neck up, effectively making you close your mouth. You whined in annoyance that you couldn’t get the last laugh and slapped his hand away. “Take a nap, Trouble. We’re going to Steve’s later to watch the game.” You gasped as you perked up. He immediately raised a finger. “Ah!! To watch the game. Not to play around with Steve. I wasn’t even gonna bring you cause I know you’d hog him all up trying to get him to entertain you. You spent all day with him yesterday. It’s game time now.” He said, watching as you pouted with narrowed eyes. “But I know if I don’t bring you, you’re gonna be a big baby about it.” He smiled sarcastically.

“Hmph. Fine.” You huffed. “But I get him during commercials and half time.” You smirked. Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Sure.”

[trillgutterbug]

tagged by @malewifemanhunter ty!!

name: trill q gutterbug, the q stands for queer

star sign: who knows or cares

height: 5'10, which means i can definitively say coffee doesn't stunt your growth, even if you start drinking it age 4

time: 9:38am 😓 i do NOT want to be awake rn but the rest of my family is gone atm so the grisly burden of letting the chickens out at ass o'clock fell to me. (eta it is now 12:13 bc i fell asleep for two hours before posting this)

birthday: the day laura ingalls wilder was wed

favorite bands/artists: of montreal, why?, clipping., and nine inch nails are the eternal faves i can't get sick of, but im also tremendously partial to kendrick and lil nas and hozier and mcr and twenty one pilots and the like. also i listen to a lot of chillhop and electroswing, because im a good person with good taste

last movie: i think mad god, which was fantastic and completely incomprehensible. i don't usually have the attention span to sit through a movie if im watching it alone, so.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (eg, the way i still have to finish everything everywhere all at once, which i got an hour into last week, enjoyed tremendously, then got up to walk around and listen to a podcast and play a video game and jerk off or whatever the fuck, and just haven't gone back!)

last show: i believe the latest ep of what we do in the shadows.... or maybe sunny? or euphoria? whatever it was, i was watching it with jackie im sure!

when did i create this blog: idk where to find that info, but im p sure 2014, after LJ shat the bed and i dipped from active fandom for a couple months and when i came back it was like.... owo where'd everyone go?! here, apparently.

what i post: constant thirsty nonsense about a rotating string of fandom obsessions, shitposts, sometimes a bit of tumblr-brand anarchism and socialism bc even the junkfood buffet churns out a smidge of healthy caloric content every once in a while

last thing i googled: i don't use google but the last thing i duckduckgo'd was........ where's wade wilson from, bc i saw something that said vancouver and one of the movies implied regina but i swear to GOD i know it's winnipeg from some other source. results annoyingly inconclusive.

other blogs: @truelevelb1tch, my rick and morty side, which is going to pop off again in a MONTH (!!!!!!!!!) when s6 starts dropping 😱😱😱. i do not apologise for the person i become when r&m occurs, fair warning

do i get asks?: not enough to worry about, thank goodness

following: idk where to find that info either, but it's probably a few hundred, the vast majority of which are inactive at this point. i probably see <50 blogs on my dash??

average hours of sleep: like eight, which is NOT enough for me, but it varies wildly between 5 and 10 depending on what im doing for work on a given day/whether i have to get up early for animal-related reasons/if im up reading fic until 3am/time of year/blah blah

instruments: flesh flute....,,,

what i’m wearing: nuthin

dream job: I Do Not Dream of Labour

dream trip: i hate travelling! but i am partial to visiting my cousins' farm on the reg, so let's say that

nationality: canadian

favorite songs: the trapeze swinger by iron and wine has been my fave song for about ten years. it's almost ten minutes long and if stats across various laptops and ipods and phones could be collated, it would show a playcount in the thousands lol. i first heard it as the closing music on the amazing podfic for the inception fic presque vu and it gutted me on the spot. ode to the mets by the strokes is also on the same trajectory. otherwise, my fave songs come and go in the usual way, by liking something and listening to it repeatedly until i can't stand it. (eta: just went into my music app to see if i'd forgotten anything, and literally the only thing on my "most played" list is the trapeze swinger, so...)

last book i’ve read: currently reading (aside from the massive eternal stack of ww2 ref books) the half life of valery k by natasha pulley and grimscribe by thomas ligotti. most recently before that i read borne by jeff vandermeer, the kingdoms by natasha pulley, blood meridian, the d&d 5e player's handbook, and some postapoc scifi thing that was so forgettable i genuinely cannot conjure up the name of it or its author!!

top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: idk, they all seem uniquely bad in ways that do not necessarily improve upon the unique ways in which our current universe is bad. but to be sporting i'll say star trek of course, anything jared harris is in bc i want to fuck him more than im afraid of space terrorists or freezing to death or nuclear radiation, and the fictional universe i've been manifesting in my imagination for years where we never invented agriculture and i died at birth for simplistic umbilical cord-related reasons

lowkey tagging @kaasknot, @collapsinghorizons, @mollynoble, @twobrokenwyngs, @pohjanneito, @lingua-mortua, @sloppyplanetary, @alakeeffectgirl, and @quiescentire

[mariesocuniverse]

Relationships: NCT 127

Maeil (aka Daily)

there are two meanings to their ship name

first is, of course, their names mashed together but the second meanings is much cuter and the one fans use to explain their dynamic

When Mae found out their ship name was Maeil her first reaction was “Oh? Is it because I make sure to let Taeil hyung I love him daily?” while cuddling Taeil on a couch

he’s the same age as Mae’s older brother so she treats him as such

her brother is literally like “Are you replacing me with Taeil? I’m your reall brother!” and she’s just there sweating

part of Taeil’s hype squad and will fight donghyuck for the position of president

like the two were on vlive and spent a good fifteen minutes arguing about their positions in the club Mae won but donghyuck refuses to acknowledge it

he could be doing something simple and you can see Mae in the background with a big smile cheering

he’s also like her personal teddy bear whenever she wants cuddles and/or wants to rest

there are just multiple gifs floating around nct twt of Mae tackling Taeil for a hug or her just clinging to him on a couch because she’s either tired and wants to rest or just wants cuddles

absolutely adores his voice

there are multiple compilations on youtube about all the times Mae compliments Taeil on his voice and him just blushing the whole time

Maenny

was lowkey intimidated bc the man is a fucking tree and basically towers over her

but then he saw him play around with some other trainees and that thought disappeared real quick

he’s more like the protective older brother than like a parent like Doyoung or Taeyong

can and has used his height to his advantage when it comes to scaring people who hurt Mae or do something to make her sad

he was one of the first people who found out about her old company and he looked like he was about to storm their building probably would’ve if it weren’t for Mae

one of the first people she became friends with because he always answered questions she had when she was a trainees

before debut there were times people could see Johnny walk somewhere and Mae is just trailing after him like a lost puppy more like running because the man’s legs are long and he walks faster

there was this one time someone asked where Mae was and Johnny just shuffled to the side to reveal her behind him

his large frame was just big enough to hide her from everyone’s vision unless you walk past the two

you know that one vid of predebut nct performing Under The Sea with Johnny wearing the fish head? Mae was supposed to join him dressed as Ariel but the idea was cut last minute

there was this one time Mae couldn’t see something bc she was too short so Johnny lifted her up and put her on his shoulders

okay enough about Mae’s height

during shows he’s always encouraging Mae to talk more when she seems unsure whether to give her input or not

johnny, after an interviewer asks a question: “what do you think Mae?”

absolutely melts whenever she does aegyo because no matter how old she is he’ll always see her as the cute kid who followed him everywhere

MaeTae

honestly it’s hard to pinpoint where Taeyong’s protective parental energy started getting directed to Mae

like it might’ve been somewhere predebut but she doesnt know when

she’s like 50% sure she just blanked out and suddenly Taeyong appeared in her life scolding her for not taking care of herself

it’s not like she’s complaining abt it she’s really grateful to have someone like him in her life

when her family got worried abt her joining a group filled with guys he personally went to her house and calmly explained how Mae will be taken care of and how the group will make sure that she’ll be safe

first person to know if there’s something between SM and Mae that the other members don’t know about

he was also the first member to know about what happened with Mae and her old company

she knows she can trust him with anything

he found her alone crying in one of the practice rooms and she just poured her heart out to him

Whenever they go places as a large group he looks for Mae first before counting the other members

she got lost once and now he doesnt want her out of his sight for more than five minutes

she got him a “world’s greatest dad” trophy as a joke that he has on a shelf in his room

YuMae

you know how yuta acts with mark and winwin? yeah he does the same for Mae

if he isnt giving a hug to mark he’s all the way across the room with Mae giving her a back hug

Mae: does nothing

Yuta: aigoo look how cute she is :)

she doesnt ignore him tho she just returns the affection

likes to jump on his back for a piggy back ride or just run and jump to give him a hug

there was this one clip that went viral of Yuta talking to someone and he just pauses for a moment before turning around to catch Mae, who seemingly came out of nowhere, into a hug and turned back to his conversation

neither yuta nor the other person seemed fazed so this seemed like a regular occurrence to them

he teaches her japanese!

its beneficial to both of them because Mae can learn and Yuta won’t forget any Japanese while living in Korea :D

really really really loves his smile

like real whipped (A/N i wrote this while watching the under the sea performance and now im going through it)

like she sees him smile and that makes her smile and that makes fans smile

Can and has glared at “fans” and other people who make her uncomfortable whether it be at the airport or during their schedules

There was this one time Mae was walking ahead of him when there were fansites following them and he just pulled her back into his arms because he noticed an anti of hers was nearby

It’s like a lion trying to protect a kitten

2Young

again did not know how Doyoung because like a parent to Mae but she just ended up rolling with it

She just has this aura to her that makes you want to care of her and give her love

whenever they go eat together with the group he always put food on her plate, regardless of whether the managers glare at him or not he glares back anyway so they back off

“doyoung she’s been put on a diet-” “she’s going to eat whether you like it or not”

one time Mae got sick with a fever and he just burst into her room with medicine and soup

if taeyong has the “world’s greatest dad” trophy doyoung has the “world’s greatest mom” trophy that he says he’ll throw it away but has it perched on his desk

Mae’s also one of the members who like to clown him

she’s the one of the reasons he already has gray hairs

Mae has a folder of embarrassing photos of Doyoung’s childhood that his brother sent to her and refuses to delete it

she cant do anything about them tho bc Doyoung got his own folder of babie Mae pics courtesy of Mae’s older brother

Haechan has tried and failed to gain access to either of those folders

MaeHyun

major sibling energy

but not like the bickering kind of energy but more like very soft and uwu

there are a lot of people asking them “are you sure you’re not related?” during interviews and fansigns

Fans are just waiting for the two to do a duet bc come on SM you have a real life Disney prince and princess here

Let Mae be the Jasmine to Jaehyun’s Aladdin and perform A Whole New World together

She likes to poke his dimple

There’s this one vid where Jaehyun and Mae are sitting together and she just pokes his dimple and Jaehyun’s smile gets bigger

joked about if he could let her meet yugyeom and bambam bc of 97line and he just went no <3

when jaehyun was inkigayo’s mc nobody could approach her with the infamous inkigayo sandwich bc she was always with him not like anyone could try considering mae has several bodyguards wherever she goes

you know how jaehyun won the alpaca plushie in nct life? he gave it to mae bc he know how much she loved plushies

Honestly the majority of the plushies in her room were given to her by jaehyun

She has a bear named after him uwu

MaeWoo

Loves the energy he gives and thinks he’s so funny

He never fails to make her laugh whenever she needs cheering up

they used to be shy around each other when he first joined the group but they caught each other having a midnight snack so they just talked at 3am eating ramen until doyoung found them and told them to go to bed

now it’s just tradition for them to go to a convenience store together and eat ramen or whatever snacks they decide to get

nobody is allowed to join them its only a MaeWoo thing  

Mae has natural aegyo but Jungwoo has taught her to use it to her advantage which she does but not often

Another one of Mae’s cuddle buddies

She just thinks he looks so soft so she just clings to him whenever he’s nearby

Major uwu energy over here when it comes to the two of them together

idk why but i dont see him as the type to be protective when it comes to her dating

he’s more like

“you dont have a boyfriend yet? damn people dont know what they’re missing”

or on the other side of the spectrum

“good luck to your future boyfriend he’ll need it if he’s gonna date you”

2Ma/MaeKyung

Older brother that doesn’t feel like an older brother

Majority of the time he kinda just feels like they’re the same age or younger so newer fans get shocked when they find out she’s younger

Like there was this one time Johnny the two were playing Smash Bros and Mark was whining because he lost and Mae was jumping in the background cheering it was his fourth loss in a row but he won’t say it

they were kinda awkward around each other at first so johnny literally had to stick them in a room together and didn’t let them leave until they talked to each other

it worked and they just vibed and rambled about different topics like trainee life and what mark’s life in Vancouver was like

speaking of Vancouver

one time during their stay in Vancouver they wanted to have a friend date but he lost her at a mall and took twenty minutes trying to find her until she used the announcement service to call him

he wouldve ask his Vancouver friends to go with them but some of them had a crush on mae so no <3

When she first starting writing songs and her own lyrics she went to Mark first and asked if the lyrics she wrote were good

They were amazing and Mark made sure to tell her that :D

mae’s reaction to his dream graduation was one of the saddest things czennies have seen so when she found out he was coming back she would not let go of him

Literally could not stop smiling whenever mark was with the rest of dream filming for Resonance

It’s just very wholesome and czennies are willing to riot if SM decides to separate them

Maechan

You know how I said Maehyun was the soft and uwu type of siblings? Well Maechan are the bickering type of siblings

You know the ones who like to bicker over minor things but still would protect each other for life

they have so much dirt on each other on trainee days lmao

Haechan to Mae: lmao what a loser

Haechan when someone insults Mae: listen here you little shit

The only person allowed to clown her is him and the rest of NCT

he heard a trainee talk shit about her once and they still can’t look haechan in the eye

he’s only a few months older than her but he uses the “i’m older!” card whenever he can

“i’m older therefore i get to go first” “excuse me sir but you’re only three months older than me” “but im still older”

they fight for the title of the favorite 127 maknae but they both know that can do what they want

Mae is more lenient towards the hyungs during yaja time than haechan is tho so she just vibes whenever they go to scold him when the games over

they do team up a lot so they’re a menace when they do something together

especially in games

their competitive nature plus their brain power together? its over it even started

50% of the time they have to be separated from each other when it comes to choosing teams

the other 50% is someone choosing both of them because they want that easy win

Those two are willing to risk it all even for a bag of chips

[krreader]

diamond maknae | realizations.

pairing: min yoongi x diamond maknae!reader fandom: bts warnings: 8th member of bts!reader ; maknae!reader ; sex ; language  genre: smut ; fluff ; angst word count: 1.8k+

summary: this was bound to happen eventually, but now that it did... how will you two handle the aftermath?

a/n: asdfghjkl goodbye, I love them, that’s all I can say (also, so glad you sent that request in yesterday, bc this story was almost finished lol)

Whenever you had a show, you were usually focused to the core. Your thoughts consisted of nothing but lyrics, dance moves and facial expressions. But today simply wasn't one of those days.

You stood in a hallway, your eyes staring ahead of you and your brain barely even realizing that there were other idols – some of those your friends – passing by and greeting you.

Whatever you were thinking about had you transported into a different world altogether.

“Hey,” Jimin's hand on your shoulder finally made you snap out of it, shaking your head a little and then looking up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“Huh?”

“Aren't you feeling well? You seem.. off.”

That's because you were. But this wasn't something that he could help you with, much less was it something that you wanted to share with him. So you just faked a smile and nodded.

“Yeah. Just tired, I guess.”

It was a good excuse. After all, you had to get up at 3AM this morning and you went to bed extremely late. So good of an excuse that Jimin accepted it with a nod and turned his attention back to Namjoon.

All of your band members listened to what the leader had to say except for you and.. well.

“Let's talk after this,” you heard him whisper, feeling his hot breath against your ear.

Yeah, there he was. The reason why you were acting so weird today. Min Yoongi.

That hot breath against your neck only awoke memories of last night that you weren't sure if you wanted to forget or brand them into your mind, so you'd never lose them.

How could this have even happened?

You closed your eyes for a moment and it all came flooding back like you were back where you were last night.

“Oh, you're home early,” you grinned happily when you saw Yoongi walk into the living room.

All of the others were out, either working on something in regards to the performance on the show or to enjoy a late night meal with their idol friends.

When it came down to music shows, you always liked to take it slow the night before, knowing that you'd have to get up extremely early. You wanted to rest as much as possible, hence, you always staying back when everyone else went out.

Yoongi was usually one of those who worked through the night, but not this time, apparently.

“Taehyung texted and said that everyone left. Didn't want you to be on your own,” he placed a bag of takeaway on the coffee table in front of you.

“You know it doesn't bother me.”

But when you opened the bag and saw that he brought food from your favorite restaurant, you got so excited that Yoongi couldn't help but chuckle. Good decision to come here after all.

It wasn't the conversation you had that was an indicator for what was about to happen next. You didn’t even flirt casually like you normally did. Neither of you had anything to drink, so that wasn't the reason either. You really didn't know what it was, in hindsight.

But one moment you were having a friendly conversation and then the next you were reaching out to wipe some sauce from his lower lip with your thumb and BOOM.

Yoongi was surprised, but let you do it. His eyes dropped to your lips and with you being so close it was easy for him to simply grab your hand and pull you towards him to close the distance.

It was a bold move that he easily could have regretted, but the sexual tension that has built between you two had only grown these past weeks and so he had decided to finally act on it.

His intuition hadn't been wrong, because instead of pulling back and slapping him - which would have been your good right -, you were actually the one who quickly settled on his lap and turned the kiss into one that was a lot more heated than what he has had in mind.

Both of you had thoughts of: 'But is this right? Should we be doing this' cross your mind, but the more his hands wandered and the harder his dick grew in his pants, the less you both cared.

Still, this was extremely random and unplanned and maybe that's why it worked. If you had put too much thought into it, who knows if you would have gone through with it, the moral questions probably would have made you not act on your feelings.

But now... now that question was out of the window as Yoongi's hands interlinked under your ass and he got up, carrying you into his bedroom.

As excited as he was for what was about to happen, he'd rather not have the others see this. Because despite being so far gone and into it in that moment, he knew that this was scandalous and would turn messy if anyone found out about it.

He shut the door closed with his foot as soon as he was inside his room, then gently laid you down on his bed and began to kiss your neck.

Yoongi was usually a fan of exploring what his partner liked, but the need to be inside you was so much greater. And thankfully, that was a mutual feeling.

When he pushed up your sweatshirt and wanted to kiss your breasts, you pulled on his hair and made him look at you.

“Forget foreplay.”

That only got him harder as he let out a dark chuckle. He shoved his hand in your sweatpants, straight under your panties to feel how wet you were and boy, oh boy, “Were you looking forward to this, princess?”

“Just shut up already,” you pulled on his shirt and waited for him to take it off and while he did, you took off your own clothes.

One item after the other found its way to the floor, until there was one pile of both of your clothes and you were both completely naked.

Looking back at this, you felt a little dirty at how eager you were in that moment. Had these feelings been hiding inside you all this time? Because when you felt Yoongi's dick at your entrance, you felt yourself dripping, that's how much you wanted him.

His penis slipped inside you so easily that both of you let out a loud and surprised moan.

“What the fuck,” Yoongi moaned out, his hands fisting in the bed sheets beneath him, “Shit, you're so fucking wet, (Y/N).”

If he had known just how good you felt, he would have acted on this sexual tension long before today. Even just slipping inside you once made him regret ever having sex with other people. Because this right there? This was the best feeling he's ever had when it came down to sex.

And once again, it was mutual.

You arched your back and whined, “Please.. fuck me.”

It wasn't romantic and it unfortunately wasn't long either.

You felt so good that Yoongi couldn't hold out long and you were gone the moment he got on his knees to fuck you from a different angle and rubbed hard circles over your clit to make you orgasm with him.

You moaned out your lungs and despite Yoongi usually holding back on the moans, he couldn't this time. He nearly screamed when he filled you with his seed and it was only when it was all spilled inside you that he realized what he had just done.

His wide eyes made you chuckle and pat his naked and sweaty chest.

“I'm on the pill.”

Dodged a bullet right there.

It wasn't uncomfortable that night, but it wasn't something that you talked about either.

You grabbed your clothes and washed up, Yoongi doing the same in the other bathroom. But instead of talking about what just happened, you went into your bedroom and he back into his.

And it was only now, hours later, that you realized what had happened, and the consequences of it.

Yoongi's promise of talking about it afterwards made you nod and try to gather your professionalism.

You couldn't let anyone see that you were so troubled. You just had to make it through this performance and then, when you were back home, you and Yoongi could talk.

And that worked rather well, thankfully. The moment you set foot on stage, you only thought about performing well for your fans. The only time of the day where you got a break from thinking about last night.

But the second you stepped off the stage and the adrenaline wore off, it was over again.

Yoongi didn't let you wait long, though. Not even ten minutes after you had gotten out of the shower and walked into your bedroom, he walked in with two cups of tea.

“You usually only do this when I don't feel good.. bring me tea, I mean,” you said with a small smile.

“You look like you could use something to calm you down,” he handed it to you, then sat down next to you. You weren't sure if it was troubling Yoongi as much as you, or if he was just hiding it better. Right now, he was staring at you as you were drinking the hot beverage and smiling when you let out a happy sigh, “Better?”

“You always manage to make me feel good..- I mean..-” your eyes immediately widened, realizing that this could also be understood in regards to yesterday, but Yoongi quickly laughed it off as he shook his head, “God, why am I acting like this..”

He didn't respond right away, seemed to think about his words first, before he carefully asked: “I'm going to ask you a question now. Don't think about it too much, just answer, okay?” you nodded, then he added: “Do you regret it?”

“No,” you said right away, surprising yourself with that answer. Good thing you didn't think about it, otherwise your bad conscious would have made you say yes.

The answer made Yoongi happy, though. The corner of his mouth curled into a smile, “Glad to hear it.”

“You are?”

“Yeah,” he put his cup of tea on your nightstand then looked back into your eyes, “Because I don't regret it either. The only thing I regret is that it didn't last any longer.”

That made you snort and gently hit his shoulder, “Stop that.”

He was glad that you seemed more at ease now. He waited for you to drink another sip of the tea, then he added: “I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable, (Y/N). Whatever happens now will be up to you.”

You were so thankful that he was letting you make that decision.

Right now, there was only one question that kept coming up in your head that you needed to know the answer of in order to decide: “Was this just... us acting on the sexual tension?”

“I can't speak for you,” Yoongi brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, “But it wasn't for me.”

You unconsciously began to smile and lean into his touch.

"Glad to hear it,” you said in his own words from before.

[animatedarchives]

one stormy night • a risky revenge (part i) || shinso x reader

a/n: HI BABIE i felt so bad that i mistook you for someone else (bc hers was the only todoroki request i got,,,) that i just hAD to churn this out as an apology :((( i will also be splitting this into two parts because it was getting pretty long hehe anyway, i hOPE YOU ACCEPT THIS APOLOGY T^T and i hope you enjoy it~ thanks for requesting bb i love you uwu (P.S. clarissa if you see this i pRomiSe i’ll have your shoto request out soon i’m sORRYSKCNINHNC)

► genre: aNGST and fLuFf

► warnings: mentions of cheating 

► word count: 2.9k words

The rain hit harshly against your window pane as you looked out at the stormy sky. It was currently 3am and you were wide awake, despite having training in approximately four hours. You’ve been trying to fall asleep for the past two hours but for some reason, your just body wouldn’t allow it. You groaned into your pillow and closed your eyes for what seemed like your tenth attempt to fall asleep. But something inside you was keeping you awake - a strange, unnerving feeling in the pit of your stomach that something was amiss in the world. 

Just as you were getting into a comfortable position, you heard a pounding at the door and your eyes opened. You convinced yourself it was probably just the thunder, refusing to get up and answer it. You pulled the blanket over your shoulders and shut your eyes again. You had to get at least some rest before training or you knew you wouldn’t perform.

Just then, thunder crashed dangerously outside your window and your door swung open to reveal a figure standing in the doorway. Your eyes shot open and you bolted up out of bed, adrenaline coursing through your body.

Villains?! At this time of night? It was the perfect stunt, really - planning a sneak attack while everyone fast asleep and unsuspecting. Taking a defensive stance, you held your arms out in front of you, ready to attack the stranger if need be. 

“Who are you? What do you want?” you questioned aggressively. The light from the hallway backlit their face, making it difficult for you to tell who it was.

“Relax, sunshine. It’s just me,” the silhouette said calmly, closing the door.

Sunshine?

“Toshi?” you called out into the darkness, your tense form relaxing slightly. 

“Well, who else would have the key to your room?” 

He paused, eyeing you protectively. “There better not be anyone else with the key to your room.” 

Hearing his familiar voice, you sighed with relief and let your hands drop to your side.

You and Shinso have been friends for years now, having known each other since childhood. You guys lived in the same neighbourhood, went to the same school, and were even in the same class. You two literally grew up together and have been inseparable ever since. You knew each other inside out and could recite anything and everything about the other from the back of your hand. One of your favourite memories together though, was the day your quirk manifested - the day you got a nickname that would unknowingly stick for all the years to come. 

You and Shinso were laying on the lush, green grass next to each other, basking under the warmth of the summer sun. The gentle breeze combed through your hair and you closed your eyes in ignorant bliss. All seemed well until suddenly, you felt something strange bubbling inside of you - a tide of energy that was threatening to overflow. You sat up and grabbed your right hand, your sudden movements garnering Shinso’s attention as he sat up with you.

Your eyes widened as warmth rushed to your fingertips, causing them to glow. Realising what was happening, you looked towards your best friend, who seemed to grasp the situation too. In fact, he looked equally if not more excited than you did. He had always idolised the idea of being a hero and couldn’t wait to have his own quirk. He watched eagerly with his large innocent eyes, honoured to be part of your special moment. 

The glow intensified and slowly but surely, you were able to produce a small ball of light from the palm of your tiny hand. 

“Look!” you gasped, eyes shining as your mouth gaped in awe. “It’s so bright!”

“Yeah! It’s like the sun!” Shinso beamed, pointing to the burning white sphere in the sky. Then, his eyes lit up. “I know! Next time when we become heroes, you should call yourself Little Miss Sunshine,” he suggested, practically radiating with enthusiasm. 

“Okay!” you giggled. You liked the sound of that name. He knew you would. 

“Well come on, Sunshine!” he said grabbing your free hand in his. “We have to show your parents!” he exclaimed, dragging you behind him as you squealed with excitement. 

The tension in your body subsided as the intruder identified himself and you sat down on the edge of your bed. Ignoring the unpleasant squelching that filled the room, you pinched the bridge of your nose and groaned.

“Just because you have my key does not mean you can barge into my room at 3am in the morning!” you chided, rubbing the tiredness from your face. “Some of us actually do sleep, you know.” 

It was apparent you weren’t going to bed any time soon, which made you feel very frustrated to say the least. “What on earth are you doing here anyway?” you sighed exasperatedly, wondering how much caffeine you’d have to down to be able to keep your eyes open in the morning. 

Lightning flashed across the sky, illuminating your room and finally allowing you to see your best friend’s face for the first time that night. You paused, body frozen as your thoughts came to a halt. 

Your gut was right: something was amiss.

Shinso was dripping wet, completely drenched from head to toe. Even though he was a good distance away, you could tell that he was shivering; his cold, wet shirt stuck to his body, perfectly defining each and every one of his muscles. You watched as a small pool of water gathered at his feet. Was he out in the rain? Your eyes wandered to his face, the same one you’ve known for all these years. His violet orbs were dark and tired - strangely more than usual. And as you looked more intently, you found an emotion swirling within them that tugged at your heartstrings: a deep-set sorrow. 

“Toshi, what happened?” you asked as you approached him, eyes full of concern as you searched his face. His eyebrows were creased and a huge frown settled upon his soft, pink lips. Water glided across the crevases on his face, but you couldn’t tell if the wetness was due to the unforgiving rain or if it were something else. You hoped to God it was the former. 

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He shut it again, trying to find the words to say. But he couldn’t. Or maybe he just didn’t want to. It was too painful to face the brutal reality of the world. If it were up to him, he wouldn’t tell anyone. He had a habit of bottling things up because he hated showing his true emotions. He hated being pitied. His whole life, everyone had ridiculed his dream of becoming a hero because of his brainwashing quirk. He would never forget their looks of sympathy as they shook their heads. “What a shame,” they would say. “You’d be a much better hero if you were born with another quirk.”

But you weren’t like the rest. You were never like the rest. You never cared about what type of quirk Shinso had; you loved him regardless. The day his quirk manifested, the rest of the children scrambled away in fear. Yet you remained at his side, holding his trembling body and comforting him as he cried in your arms. You were the only one who believed in his seemingly unreachable dream. You always gave him that small hope to cling on to when all seemed lost. He knew he could trust you. You were the only one he could be vulnerable in front of and safely lean on for support. You were his rock, his shelter in the storm.

He inhaled deeply. “We broke up,” he finally admitted. “She cheated on me.”

Even with the thunder crashing in the background, you could hear the heartbreak in his voice.

“Toshi… I’m so sorry…” you said as you placed your hand on his arm in an effort to comfort him. You could feel his tense muscles through the thinness of his wet shirt and the shaking that came along with it. Whether it was from the cold or the emotion, you couldn’t say for sure. Perhaps it was both. 

“It’s okay,” he exhaled, straightening his posture to appear stronger than he felt. But you knew. You knew he was crumbling inside.

“No, it’s not,” you sighed walking towards your wardrobe. “I know you really liked her, Toshi. She must be blind to not see how good of a man you are,” you said, trying to conceal the venom in your voice as you pulled something out of the cupboard. You always hated her and never understood what he saw in her. But you knew how much joy she brought him, so you begrudgingly let it slide. You just wanted him to be happy.

“Well, I know you didn’t come here for nothing so if you want, I’m always here to talk,” you said, offering a gentle smile as you turned to face him. “But first,” you handed him a sweater and a pair of joggers. “Go change before you catch a cold.”

He smiled gratefully as he took them, your kind gesture reminding him how much you truly cared. He looked down curiously at the clothes, feeling the strangely familiar material between his calloused fingers. “Are these mine?” he chuckled lightly, eyes seeming to brighten just the tiniest bit. 

You scoffed playfully. “Yes, and now I’m returning them to you,” you smiled, full of mock innocence. You borrowed it from him a while ago but had completely forgotten about it until now. You guessed it was good that you held on to it. “Hurry up before you get sick,” you ordered impatiently, trying to hide the worry in your voice. 

He shook his head at your silly antics. “Yes, mother,” he said and proceeded to take off his shirt.

“OH MY GOD, NOT HERE YOU DUMBASS! THERE’S A TOILET FOR A REASON!” you exclaimed embarrassedly, trying to look anywhere but his magnificently toned body. 

“Oh please, don’t act like you’ve not seen me shirtless before,” he replied nonchalantly. You sputtered, unable to come up with an adequate response. He was right, of course; you had seen him shirtless countless times before - hell, you’ve probably seen him full on naked as a child. However, that still wasn’t enough to rid you of the deep red blush you hoped so dearly would be concealed by the darkness of your room. You mentally slapped yourself. Relax. He’s just changing, it’s no big deal. Yet for some reason, you could not suppress the persistent feeling of something fluttering in your stomach. You shook your head vigorously, clearing your head. It was probably nothing. You guys were just best friends after all.

Right?

No longer sopping wet, he lay down on your bed, sighing with exhaustion. You sat cross-legged on the floor, letting him have the bed because he was having a bad day. You watched him wordlessly, waiting for him to start talking, but he never did. You didn’t want to push him, but you knew that you had to help him face his emotions if he was going to heal. It was going to be difficult, but you knew it was necessary.

“For the record, I always thought you were too good for her,” you broke the silence, not knowing what else to say. He smiled softly as he stared at the ceiling, contemplating your words. 

“That’s funny, I always thought she was too good for me,” he laughed, but it was anything but joyful; it was cynical, bitter and sad. You couldn’t help but feel angry at her for dimming the light in Shinso’s eyes and making him doubt himself. To you, he was the perfect guy and there were so many things you loved about him. He was smart, observant, protective, respectful, caring - the list could go on forever.

But above all, he was insanely hard working and always pushed himself to achieve whatever he had set his eyes on. This applied to all areas of his life, whether it was how relentlessly he pursued the girl he loved or how he was always skipping out on sleep to train, just so he could master his quirk. He might have marketed it as nothing but an admirable trait on the outside, but you knew the hidden reason behind his fervor: doubt.

No one doubted themselves more than he did, especially with everyone questioning his dreams from the day his quirk manifested. His abilities were supposed to be a blessing, yet he saw them as nothing but a curse. Because of the constant self-doubt he harboured from such a young age, he was always his worst critic. You knew he was constantly pushing himself to prove to himself and others that he was worth something. You knew how hard he was on himself when he thought no one was looking. You knew that despite him putting in his best efforts, he always felt like it wasn’t good enough. Like he wasn’t good enough. And the thought that someone had given his doubts weight and made him feel like it was even remotely true when it wasn’t, sparked something within you. Anger consumed your mind as you watched him drown in hopelessness until finally, you reached your tipping point. 

“Shinso Hitoshi, I will not sit here and let you mope about yourself! You are the most amazing guy I have ever met and any girl would be lucky to have you!” you exclaimed, hoping your words would get through to him. 

“Well considering the fact that she cheated and dumped me, I’d say evidently not,” he said dryly. You deflated. You knew Shinso was the type who appreciated actions rather than just words but you didn’t know how-

Your eyes lit up as an idea hit you.

“I know! We’re going to show her what she’s missing,” you said.

He gave you a sideways glance, cocking an eyebrow. “And how exactly are we going to do that?” he asked. 

“You sir, are going to date me.”

He blinked at you twice before laughing. “You can’t be serious,” he said amusedly. At least the smile he gave this time was genuine. 

“Am I ever not serious?” you joked, hoping to keep this light mood.

He scoffed. “But you know I’d never date you, Y/N. You’re my best friend,” he said. It was true: you guys were best friends. 

So why did the thought that he never considered you as anything more put a slight ache in your heart? 

You brushed your thoughts aside, convinced it was nothing. “It’s pretend dating, stupid. Think about it,” you scooted closer to the bed, intent on selling your idea. You had to show him somehow that he was actually more amazing than he gave himself credit for.

“Imagine seeing her dumbfounded face as you stroll in class tomorrow with a new girl by your side, showing how unaffected you are and that you were able to move on faster than she ever expected you to. Plus, I know you don’t love talking to people, so this is perfect because everyone would be able to see it without you even saying a word!” you said. He watched as you gestured animatedly while giving your pitch, the ends of his lips slowly curling upwards. 

“Consider it… silent bragging,” you suggested slyly, wiggling your eyebrows as you finished your speech. He turned to lay on his back again and draped his arm over his eyes. 

“You know, considering my specialty is manipulating people, I have to say you are quite the snake,” he chuckled. You laughed as you punched his arm in response, not even putting a dent in his muscular form. 

“So, what do you say?” you asked hopefully. His smile slackened as he weighed the pros and cons in his head. You waited eagerly for his response, excited to take your revenge on the girl who had hurt your best friend.

“Mmm, okay,” he hummed quietly.

Astonished that he had actually agreed to a plan you were half-joking about, you spread down happily on the floor and sighed with satisfaction. “I can’t wait to see her stupid face when she sees us tomorrow,” you grinned, eyes glinting with mischief. But as you mulled over it, you couldn’t help but wonder if you were forcing this idea on him. Although you’d do anything to help him feel better, you’d never want to force him into something he wasn’t comfortable with.

“Hey Toshi,” you called gently, wanting to double-check. But he didn’t respond. “Toshi?” you called again, sitting up slightly. That was when you realised he had fallen asleep. He must have been exhausted. You watched as his chest rose and fell at a steady pace, his face calm and peaceful. You smiled softly, wishing you could protect him against the pains of the world. 

“Y/N…” he mumbled tiredly.

“Hmm?” you hummed in response.

“... Best friend hug…”

You giggled at his neediness and leaned over the bed to embrace him, inhaling the musky scent that exuded from his sweater. You leaned back and pulled the blanket up over his broad chest, letting him sleep on your bed for the night.

“She messed with the wrong people. We’ll show her tomorrow,” he said before drifting back to sleep. You smiled at his determination, your doubts put to rest.

“Goodnight, Toshi,” you whispered as you lay on the floor with your spare blanket, the storm continuing to roll in the background. 

You finally shut your eyes as you prepared yourself for the day ahead. 

The day when you would become Shinso Hitoshi’s fake girlfriend.

[depresseddisneyprincess]

I WANT ALL ANSWERS ON THAT POST

(The sunflower: question one)

sunflower: if there was a door that went to a city that was a good representation of you, what city would it be and would you go through the door? - probably new york city because it’s busy and insane and chaotic and there’s always just so much going on and that’s a mood and i would 10000% take that door, i’ve never actually been to nyc and i really want to go

pink: sunsets or sunrises? - sunsets 1000%, sunrises are too early for me and sunsets are much prettier

freshly cut grass: are you an early riser? if not, is this because you stay up late?  - as mentioned in the last question i am NOT a morning person, it’s a struggle to get out of bed!! it’s partially bc i stay up late and partially how i’ve always been, i usually go to bed between 1am-3am 

journal: would you dye your hair if you had the opportunity? why or why not? - i have actually had my hair dyed every color except yellow and orange, if you wanna see some of the colors i’ve been click here! i love dyeing my hair though, it’s so fun and such a great way to express myself (also it helps ppl know i’m a raging dyke)

painting: in what ways are you creative? - okay so i’m a singer, actor, comedian, i write comedy and stories and poetry, i play trumpet and some piano

waves: is there one music genre you can’t listen to? - country, hate that shit usually, unless it’s like carrie underwood or songs about women killing their shit husbands

writing: do you write letters? if not, would you like to be? - i haven’t written a letter in a hot minute, it takes a lot of discipline and adhd hell brain makes it hard, i would love to tho

waterfalls: describe your perfect date. - a walk on the beach in the evening where we swim and hang out by the ocean then we sit on the beach and eat food as the sunsets, then look at the stars

freckles: what’s something that makes you happy? describe the first thing that comes to your head. - kate mckinnon deadass was the first thing that came into my mind. she’s the absolute best and such an inspiration, she’s actually the reason i do comedy, she makes me laugh so hard and when i’m sad i watch her to feel better or at least smile

dimples: would you rather be inviting on a hike or a night out? - night out for sure, hikes are fun and all but I Don’t Do Hills and am very extroverted and would prefer an activity where i’m around a lot of people

blushing: describe a rad person you know. - i had this teacher in high school who def saved my life multiple times, she was so accepting and loving and made high school so much better, she was so loving and supportive and it changed my life

watercolour: talk about something someone you are interested in can do that never fails to make you find them attractive? - tell jokes and make me laugh, laughter is the way to my heart and if someone can make me laugh that’s everything

pine: if you could only smell one scent for the rest of your life, what would it be? - the smell of the ocean but sadly i currently can’t smell shit bc covid

pink eyeshadow: pasta or pizza? - that’s a hard one but i guess pasta because it’s so fucking diverse

icy: homemade or takeout? - hmm probably homemade if it’s tasty and my moms cooking

rosè: what’s your opinion on shyness? - i mean i’m not a shy person at all, i’m super outgoing and literally 100% extroverted but if someone’s shy all the power to them, people just gotta be themselves and do what makes them happy. honestly most shy people i know are fucking wild as hell once you get them to open up to you

clouds: list your top 5 songs at the moment and how they make you feel - 

lonely - it makes me feel totally seen and just to have someone understand and vocalize what loneliness is 

drivers license - pain. pain. it hurts so bad and is painfully relatable, the third verse god....

champagne problems - love this song so much! singing it is so fun and taylor is so talented and the bridge is *chefs kiss*

i’m coming clean - a lesser-known song, it’s fucking fantastic though and makes me feel like someone else gets addiction (that’s how i interpret the lyrics)

talia - YES. GOD. YES. this is my go-to song to sing for people, it’s so emotional and the idea of drinking to stop being sad over a girl is a mood

silk: list songs you listen to for a jam - don’t stop me now by queen, bad idea by girl in red, pscyho killer by talking heads, truth hurts by lizzo, rehab by amy winehouse, teenage dream by katy perry, last friday night by katy perry, basically anything from teenage dream album by katy perry, lane boy by twenty one pilots, `post break-up sex by the vaccines, what’s up by 4 non blondes, just to name a few but i have way more

white sheets: where’s somewhere you would love to travel to? why? - hawaii would be so dope because the culture is absolutely beautiful and the surf there is AMAZING and i’d like to try it out

black nail polish: what do you do to pamper yourself? - watch my comfort show and scroll tumblr probably, i’m so bad at taking care of myself

hidden beaches: do you prefer to hang out in a big group or one on one? - either or, i love a big group because i love being around a lot of people and that’s really fun but one on one with someone you care about can be really awesome too

crossed fingers: using no negative words, describe your hair. - gravity defying and very colorful! i actually really love my hair, it’s one of my favorite physical aspects of myself

mocktails: cold weather or hot weather? - okay so hot weather if i’m by a pool or the ocean but colder weather if i’m not, i love the cold bc i am ALWAYS overheating and it sucks 

[prettyinlimegreenboots]

43? Bc I want to get absolutely emotionally wrecked??

Warnings: Arguments, minor cussing, and trauma related to an accident.

This is a LONG one - 2,505 words. Buckle in guys, this is a doozy!

“Are you leaving? Even without a goodbye?” His voice cut through the silence.

He looked up, even in the dark he was gorgeous and his heart stopped, but after what was said, he had to get out. “Haven’t we said enough tonight?”

“Yes but never did I think you’d leave.” Race crossed his arms looking at Spot. “You’re just going to quit when things get hard?”

Spot’s bag dropped to the ground, the sound echoing in the hallway. “Well you accused me of cheating on you so what else is there to say?”

“Nothing. But don’t leave. Stay in the other room or the couch. Just don’t walk out. We can talk in the morning, just stay here tonight.” Race stood his ground, heart conflicted with reaching out to him or being pissed off. Currently, he was a mix of the two.

Spot swallowed, not moving. “Give me one reason I should stay and not walk out that door and be gone forever.”

The silence hung in the air. The two looked at one another - they had been together for a little over 9 months and this was their first major fight. The honeymoon period was officially over.

“One reason is because I love you, despite what you may or may not have done.” Race swallowed the knot that was in his throat. “And I know you love me. Don’t walk out that door, Spot.”

Spot sighed. “I shouldn’t give into you, Race. You hurt me and I actually don’t care what you think at the moment. I do love you but right now I can’t stay here.”

“Spot, Sean, don't leave. Where are you going to go? It’s midnight and it’s raining.” Race took two steps forward, stopping suddenly.

Holding up a hand, Spot grabbed his bag, shaking his head. “You’ve said enough, Race. I’m leaving. I’ll text you when I get to Hotshot’s.” And with that, the door creaked open, before Spot stepped out. “I do love you but I just can’t be here right now.”

The door shut with a gentle bang, leaving Race all alone in the apartment. Only then did the tears start and didn’t stop until the phone rang an hour later.

“Is this Antonio Higgins?” A nasally voice asked on the other line.

Swallowing the knot in his throat, he nodded before realizing she couldn’t see him. “Y-yes.”

“Sean Conlon was just brought into Rush Memorial Hospital’s Emergency Department and you were listed as his emergency contact.” She sighed. “You might want to get down here.”

He didn’t acknowledge her, just hung up the phone, shoved his feet into whatever shoes he could find, grabbed his keys before leaving the apartment. He took several deep breaths before getting into his car and making his way through the sleepy streets of the city.

Pulling up to the hospital, he haphazardly parked before making his way inside. He always hated hospitals, many years of being in the system and accidents. Usually Spot was by his side whenever he had anything medical done.

Walking up to the nurse’s desk, he cleared his throat, bouncing between his feet. “Can I help you?”

“I, uh, got a call about Sean Conlon.” He sighed, looking at the nurse with worried eyes.

She moved the computer mouse, checking her records. “What’s your relationship to him?”

“I’m his boyfriend and emergency contact.”

She nodded. “Okay. He’s currently in surgery. You can go up to the fifth floor waiting room. Just check in with the nurse at the front desk and she’ll let the surgeon know.”

“Do you have any indication of his injuries?” His eyes pleaded with her to give him any information.

She smiled sadly. “All the records say is internal bleeding, thus why he’s in surgery, and a broken arm. The surgeon will be able to tell you more in a bit.”

He thanked her before shuffling over to the elevators. He tapped his toes waiting. It finally came, slowly crawling to the fifth floor, every second feeling like an hour had passed. Checking in with the nurse, she directed him to the waiting room, telling him it shouldn’t be too much longer.

He fiddles with his phone, glancing up at the clock every few seconds, wishing time would pass more quickly. It was 3am so he couldn’t call any of their friends so that would have to wait.

Shitty infomercials were on the TV in the room, and even shittier magazines were laid out across the tables. Putting his head in his hands, he scolded himself. He should’ve done more to stop him from leaving the apartment. He grew up knowing that you should never drive when you’re angry. But he just let Spot leave. If the last words he would hear from Spot were that he loved him but couldn’t be around him ….. no, he couldn’t think like that. He would be groveling to get Spot’s forgiveness for a long time but he was willing to do whatever it took.

He wasn’t a religious person but he prayed to whoever was listening. “Just make sure he makes it. He’s got too much life yet to live.”

Tapping his toes, he sighed, leaning his head against the wall, eyes starting to count the number of ceiling tiles. He got to 52 before the door opened and a middle aged woman walked in, giving him a sad smile. “Antonio?”

“Yes? How is he?” Race stood quickly, giving her a look.

She motioned for him to sit, sitting across from him. “I'm Dr. Stone and I performed the surgery. He’s stable. He made it fine through surgery. He had a lot of internal bleeding from where the steering wheel hit his chest. It’s going to be touch and go for the next few hours but if he makes it through that, I would say he’ll be alright.”

Nodding, Race bit his lip. “Can I see him?”

“He’s being moved to his room now, but a nurse will come get you in a few minutes to show you to his room. We’re not expecting him to wake up until at least midday but you’re more than welcome to sit with him.” She smiled softly, standing. “Do you have any other questions?”

Race shook his head, watching her take her leave. He sighed, finally feeling a sense of relief since he got the phone call. The time, 3:45am, would be burned into his mind as he looked around the small waiting room. Taking a couple of deep breaths, he let himself calm down, not wanting to be a mess when he finally got in Spot’s room.

The door opened once more, a new nurse propping it open with her hip. “Antonio, I can take you back to Sean’s room now if you’d like.”

He stood, nodding, as he followed the nurse through the bleak colored hallway. She paused at the door and gave him a smile. “He’s sedated. Dr Stone told you that he won’t be awake until midday but you can talk to him and he’s comfortable.”

“Thank you.” He mumbled, as she left him alone outside the door. Putting his hand on the handle, he hesitated for a moment before pushing open the door.

His breath was taken away by how still Spot was in the bed. Normally he was all over the place, never stopped moving, much like himself. But the blanket was tucked under his arms, a pale white cast on his left hand, and a white bandage on his forehead.

Dropping in the seat beside the bed, Race picked up his hand and laced their fingers together. “Oh Spot.”

The anxiety, frustrations, worry, and pain had all built up to the tears spilling down his face. Laying his head on the bed beside Spot, Race cried silently as not to disturb the sleeping patient. “I’m so sorry for everything - the accusation, not doing more to keep you at the apartment, for flying off the handle - I’m just so sorry.”

More tears fell until he fell asleep, comforted by the steady beats of the heart monitor keeping tabs on Spot’s vitals.

The next thing he knew, something was touching his head. It was more of a twitch than an actual poke but his eyes flew open, quickly remembering where he had fallen asleep. The sun was just peaking through the blinds as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Starting around the room, his blue eyes landed on Spot, who was still sleeping peacefully.

He sighed, scratching the back of his neck as his eyes found the clock on the wall. It was 7am. He sighed again, knowing he should let the family and friends know where they were and what had happened. A text was sent in the group chat before he locked his phone, not wanting to deal with it.

Just as he went to pocket his phone, the ringtone caught his attention, a special ringtone just for her. “Hello?”

“Got your text. How are you holding up?” Kat’s quiet voice came over the phone.

He shrugged. “I’m alright. Worried. It’s my fault he’s in here.”

“Race … I doubt that.” She said, as he walked over to the window to look out.

Race sighed, leaning his head against the window. “We had a fight at midnight, I didn’t try hard enough to get him to stay and he was in the accident. My fault.”

“Bam Bam it’s not your fault. Please don’t blame yourself.” Kat wished she could hug him through the phone. “Do you want me to come sit with you? Do you need anything?”

He cleared his throat, glancing over at Spot’s still body. “If you want to come up, you can. I don’t need anything.”

“We’ll be up when Jack wakes. I’ll bring you some food, okay?” Her calm voice calmed him down.

Walking back to the side of the bed, he sat in the chair. “Alright, pebbles. See you later.”

“Love you Bam Bam. I’ll text when we’re heading up in case you need anything.”

“Love you too. Hey pebbles?” Race paused, thankful his sister was looking out for him. “Can you run damage control for a bit? Let the group know that he’s not really up for visitors?”

Her heart broke hearing him ask that. “Sure, I’ll let them know. Text me if you need anything.”

Dropping the phone onto the bedside table, he sighed, picking up Spot’s hand once more. He pressed a kiss to the top of his hand, before laying his head down on the bed. “Love you Spottie.”

His eyes closed, the rhythmic beeping, luring him to sleep once more.

The next time he woke up, it was the sunshine glaring through the window that woke him. The clock read 10:23. He sat up, stretching his back before looking at Spot. His face was scrunched up as if he was in pain. Grabbing his hand, Race stood over him. “Hey Spot, it’s alright buddy. You’re okay. Can you open your eyes for me?”

It took a minute but his eyes blinked a couple of times, before Race saw the warm brown eyes he had fallen in love with. “Hey, hey. You’re okay. You’re in the hospital but you’re alright.”

Race reached over and pressed the nurse’s button before running a hand through Spot’s hair. “Stay with me, Spot. That’s it.”

“What happened?” Spot asked, groggily, blinking his eyes due to the brightness.

Race pressed a kiss to his forehead, sighing. “We had a fight last night, you left the apartment and got into a car accident. You had some internal bleeding, broke your arm and did something to your forehead.”

The opening of the door caught their attention as the nurse walked in. “It’s good to see you awake, Mr. Conlon. Do you mind if I check your injuries?”

Race held back his eye roll at the stupid question - what was Spot going to say, no? Spot locked eyes with him and rolled his. “I’ll let Dr. Stone know you’re awake and she’ll be in shortly. Do you need something for the pain?”

Spot nodded his approval as the nurse pulled out a syringe and put something in his IV. She also adjusted his bed so that he was sitting up more and not flat on his back. “That should help with the pain but not put you back to sleep. Dr. Stone will be in shortly then we can get you some lunch.”

She took her leave as Race laced his fingers with Spot’s. He squeezed them before looking at Spot. “I’m sorry for the fight, accusations, all of it. I’m sorry for not stopping you from leaving the apartment. It’s my fault you’re in here.”

“Hey snookums, it’s my fault I’m in here.” Spot reached over and ran his hands through Race’s head. “I was the one driving the car, my fault, not yours. And I’m sorry for not staying. You were right, I was quitting when things got hard and I’m sorry.”

Race was quiet, processing the words Spot had said. He bit his lip. “What do we do now?”

“Let me heal and talk.” Spot squeezed their hands. “Let’s take it one day at a time and just communicate before accusations and everything gets out of hand, alright?”

Race nodded, a smile crossing his face for the first time since yesterday evening. “Sounds like a plan. I love you, Spot.”

“I love you too, Race.”

Spot looking over at him with a small smile. “Relax - everything is okay right now. We’re good, I’m about to get some food and you probably should too. Snookums?”

Race sighed, sitting back in the chair, a weight lifted from his chest. “What?”

“Why do you have two different color shoes on?” Spot chuckled, immediately reaching up to hold his side. “Shit that hurts.”

Race stood, dropping a kiss on his cheek before looking down at the blue Converse and the green Nike he was wearing. “You did just have major surgery. Of course it’s going to hurt. As for my shoes, when I got the call about you being here, I was just focused on finding shoes and getting here. I didn’t even notice they were different.”

“You’re a dork, Race but you’re my dork and I love you for it.”

Race leaned forward, putting his forehead against Spot. “Love you too Spottie. Get some rest. Kat and Jack will be up soon so if there’s anything you want, let me know and they can bring it.”

Spot’s eyes closed, a sigh escaping his mouth before he fell back asleep. Race sat down, glad that all was well for the time being and Spot would be okay.

Thanks to @thatsmycigarbutyoucanborrowit for sending in that prompt. So that was a doozy! Sorry for the emotional rollercoaster!!!

What did you think? Feedback and comments are always appreciated!!

[sortavibing]

Hii could I request a matchup please?

My name is Eva, i'm 17 and any pronouns work for me.

I'm asexual but for a romantic relationship i usually prefer boys.

I'm 5'2 and i have grayish blue hair at the moment. I don't stick to any specific clothing style, I usually just wear what I like tho. I have pretty big eyes ( I used to be called an alien bc of them when i was little) and I am half russian.

I am a libra sun, leo moon, sag rising and an ESTP 8w7. I was told that i am pretty intimidating when you first meet me, but after you get thru this facade i am usually a really hyper person. I joke around all the time and sometimes i can be pretty mean but nothing too bad. I love anything that gives me an adrenaline rush (i'd risk anything most of the time just to have fun). I really like having late night talks and laughing with my friends. I dislike when i'm told what to do and when people pry into my life. I usually like to keep things light hearted in my relationships. My favourite color is blue (many of my friends have told me that they associate me with it bc my ig account is blue themed and i've had blue hair for almost 2 years now). I am really interested in the spiritual side of life.

My top kin is Ryo from devilman crybaby, and from haikyuu i kin Tendo and Oikawa

In a relationship I look for a partner that will keep things exciting between us and is able to make me laugh a lot.

(thank you in advance for this♡)

hi eva! thank you for requesting! ack i tried to dye my hair grayish blue, but i didn’t tone my hair or bleach it enough, so now it’s a really dark greenish color and i am suffering😐 anyways here’s your matchup!

generating matchup...

matchup: complete

i match you up with tendou!

what first drew him to you was how you shared a lot of the same traits as you did, so he was really excited that he found someone who is able to be as chaotic and spontaneous as he is. he immediately wanted to get to know you better. he wasn’t really phased that you first came off as intimidating, and you guys quickly became really close with each other.

tendou will ask you to dye his hair, and tell you to surprise him with any style or color that you think would look good. so far, he has had nearly every color of the rainbow, different clumps of hair dyed different colors, and that greyish blue you have so he could match with you. his favorite color so far was hot pink, and he has done it at least 3 times.

he loves to listen to you rant about whatever comes to mind, and he will be sure to chime in and agree or disagree with whatever you are saying. you guys have gotten into playful arguments about the stupidest things like if a frog worked at mcdonalds would they get paid the same amount as a human. you guys do get deep sometimes, but most of your conversations are on crack and it’s god tier comedy.

tendou will call you at like 3am and just bother you until you sneak out of your house, and for the rest of the morning you guys will just go insane, like mixing different energy drinks, climbing statues, and vandalizing cars (with washable chalk spray paint :)). tendou’s snapchat story is full of blurry pics and videos of you guys doing this shit, and at this point, people are so used to it that they don’t even question what you and tendou are doing.

he thinks your eyes are really pretty, and he will never stop telling you just how beautiful they are. he has experienced people calling him mean names in his childhood as well, so he just wants you to know that everyone who was mean to you was full of shit and they were all lying through their teeth.

tendou loves when you surprise him by going to his games. he definitely plays better when you are watching him, and whenever he successuflly shuts down a block, he will scream “DID YOU SEE THAT EVA!” and point at you. after the game, he will show you his teammates, and he will keep on talking about how lucky he is to have you, and you are his good luck charm.

one of your first dates with him was at a boardwalk amusement park, where you guys just went crazy and went on all of the highest, scariest rides with like no breaks in between, and it was just one adrenaline rush after another. after you guys finished every ride you wanted to go on, you and tendou got some ice cream and walked down the shore to calm both of your nerves down, and tendou chases the seagulls while you laughed and took videos.

every few weeks, you guys have late night karaoke sessions in the comfort of your room, and you and tendou just sing (pretty badly) all those loud, fork in a blender type beat kinds of songs (money machine, NEVER MET!, molly, etc.) while jumping on the bed and just enjoying each others company.

he loves to give you his hoodie, or let you wear one of his jerseys because it shows everyone that you are with him, and you aren’t afraid to tell people that you are his s/o. since most people didn’t want anything to do with him when he was younger, you not being ashamed to say that you are his s/o makes him feel much more accepted and happy with himself.

overall, you guys are such a chaotic couple, and whenever you guys are together, it’s just a constant loop of “what crazy shit will we do next”, and it’s honestly the best thing ever. you guys care about each other very much, and tendou just wants you to know how beautiful and funny you are, so he will tell you at every chance he gets.

i hope you enjoyed! i’m trying out this sort of new layout, and i think it’s nice so imma do this from now on :)

[poguestarkey]

illicit affairs

warnings: angst, super mild swearing, cheating, me being a bad writer and accidentally switching between past and present tense the whole time. and only using his name at the very end for ~effect~

notfamoussinger!reader x myparentsareforcingmetomarrythisgirl! rafe

thats my official description thx for coming

what i listened to while writing: folklore by taylor swift bc damnnnn

did i cry writing this? no, very much i did not. what are you talking about? not me, wrong bitch. 

...

"Make sure no one sees you," I said, adjusting his hood so it covered his face better. "Wouldn't want word going around that you're cheating on your fiancée with a pogue."

"Y/N/N... You know I'd be marrying you if I could." His smile was sad, longing almost.

"I know." I forced my own. "Tell Topper and Kelce you went on a run or something. Your face is flushed."

He pulled me in for a hug. "I love you."

"I love you too." I whispered. "Remember-"

"I know the drill, eyes down, take the back road."

"Good," I sighed. "You know you can always stop, this is getting harder and harder every time."

"I'm not stopping."

I watched his car disappear into a cloud of dust and sat on my bed, pulling out my journal and starting to write another song.

Make sure nobody sees you leave

Hood over your head, keep your eyes down

Tell your friends you're out for a run

You'll be flushed when you return

Take the road less traveled by

Tell yourself you can always stop

I was never this type of girl, the type to wreck an engagement. Lord knows my life would end if it got out. He's convinced he'll figure it out before they get married, but I know I'll probably lose him. It's okay.

We spend the week apart, aside from some stolen glances from behind the bar at the The Wreck. It's Wednesday now, and I clocked out before sitting in the drivers seat of my car and slamming head onto the horn.

The sound blared through the air, almost covering up my phone ringing.

"Hello?" I asked, not bothering to check the caller ID.

"Hey baby." His voice came from the other side of the line.

"Hi."

"Meet me at Heyward's parking lot at 11?"

I sighed, thinking of how we went from glorious hotel rooms in Chapel Hill to Heyward's parking lot.

"Sure."

"Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing. Just a long day," I lied.

"Aww I'm sorry, I love you."

I laid my head back on the seat, trying to stop the tears leaking from my eyes.

"I love you too."

I sat on the floor of my bedroom, journal in front of my face, trying to find the right words.

What started in beautiful rooms

Ends with meetings in parking lots

And that's the thing about illicit affairs

And clandestine meetings and longing stares

It's born from just one single glance

But it dies and it dies and it dies

A million little times

I thought of the first time we hung out, smoking a joint I stole from JJ while sitting on a log on the beach at Midsummers two years ago. I had come with Kiara, but when she ditched with Pope I was left to the kook-wolves. He saw me wondering the halls of the Club in a gown looking very, very lost. The rest is history.

I look at the shelf, where my favorite bottle of perfume sits. I haven't worn it since she started asking questions about the vanilla scent of his sheets. Too close for comfort. My pen goes back to the paper.

Leave the perfume on the shelf

That you picked out just for him

So you leave no trace behind

Like you don’t even exist

The night in Heyward's parking lot goes like many others. My head in his lap, songs playing softly from the radio. Words said without speaking, plans that won't come true. I think we both know it's ending soon.

It was 3am and I hadn't slept a wink. I grabbed the journal from my bedside table, continuing my work.

Take the words for what they are

A dwindling, mercurial high

A drug that only worked

The first few hundred times

I started writing the chorus again, changing the wording a little.

And that's the thing about illicit affairs

And clandestine meetings and stolen stares

They show their truth one single time

But they lie and they lie and they lie

A million little times

It's killing me. It really is. I don't know how I'm supposed to be okay with it, the love of my life marrying another woman.

The air is thick with tension when we meet that night.

"There's obviously something up with you, what is it?" He's snappy.

"Nothing, Jesus."

“That’s not your nothing voice, baby.”

“Don’t call me that.” I don’t even know why I was so wound up.

“The hell?” He mumbled. “What’s going on?”

I took a deep breath. “We both know this is gonna end soon.”

“What are you talking about? You’re never gonna lose me.”

“That’s the problem! You’ve never been mine to lose!”

“You know if I had it my way I’d be emptying my bank account and running away with you!”

“But we don’t have it your way, dammit!” I yelled. “You’re going to marry her and I’m going to get hurt. It doesn’t matter how many damn times you tell yourself that you’ll figure it out. You are getting married in 4 months. And I’ll be gone.” I stood up, slamming the car door and walking to my own. 

The night is cold, December air blowing through my open window. I opened my journal yet again and finished writing the song that perfectly explains us. 

And you wanna scream

Don’t call me “kid” don’t call me “baby”

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

You showed me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else

Don’t call me “kid” don’t call me “baby”

Look at this idiotic fool that you made me

You taught me a secret language you know I can’t speak with anyone else

And you know damn well

For you I would ruin myself

A million little times

A knock my door startles me. It’s the middle of the night, no one should be here. I look through the peephole and see him.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Look, I know that this is probably the last time I’m ever going to talk to you, but I need you. You keep me sane. Even if it’s just for tonight, I need to feel sane, please.” Tears are running down his face and gripping the door knob is all I can do to keep mine from falling too.

I open the door a little wider, sitting on the couch. He lays his head down in my lap, a content look on his face.

 “Sing for me,” He said. 

“What song?” I asked.

“One I haven’t heard before, one that you wrote.” 

So I sing the only song of mine he’s never heard before.

illicit affairs.

When I finish, his eyes are closed. I move to stand, and he comes up with me. There are no words spoken, just him and me. I walk him to the door, and he makes it to the front porch before turning to me.

“I love you,” He says.

A sad smile takes hold of my features.

“Goodbye, Rafe.”

[spideyspence]

communication; peter parker

heya, this is (late & unedited) for @plushparker‘s 2k writing challenge. i hope you all enjoy this fic bc it was based on the prompt ‘i’ve been trying to talk to you all night’ and i got a little carried away. enjoy!

(warnings: the readers a dumbass in this fic but like,,, plot & angst. also there’s some violence bc there’s a fight scene at the end)

my masterlist

-

‘Peter why the hell couldn’t I communicate with you during that fight? Why weren’t you responding? I’ve been trying to talk to you all night.’ You yelled to your best friend on the top of a building in New York City.

Your best friend and you had just worked together in taking town a robbery of a bank on the Upper West Side that had been in the works of Wilson Fisk’s men for nearly a year. Peter and you had been working for hours each night, trying to plan how they were going to stop the crime. Peter was in his Spider-Man suit while you were in your own, a sleek black and purple outfit with your mask littered somewhere on the roof where you had thrown it in anger.

‘I’m sorry Y/N but I was punched, and the Bluetooth stopped working. I’m sorry that I was punched.’ Peter rolled his eyes.

He would be yelling at you too if he wouldn’t have been able to speak to you during dangerous events of that night. He was stressed because he was beginning to do more appearances at FEAST to help out Aunt May and he had a physics test the next morning he hadn’t studied for, and he was tired.

‘Those men were still stronger than we anticipated Pete. I was scared okay, I refuse to put you in danger which seems stupid because we’re a team, but you know I will always jump in front of you to save you but I can’t handle the idea of fighting on my own.’ Your lungs were starting to take in as much of the night air as they could during your angered rant.

‘No matter how much time we spent planning Y/N, they were always going to be stronger and have the upper hand on fighting. We have to rely on our ourselves and each other while they have thousand-dollar guns aimed in our direction.’ Peter said to you, his voice softer than yours.

‘You still could’ve contacted me! Karen still freaking works, right?’ You questioned sarcastically.

‘Yeah, but-’ Peter was stuck. You had a damn good point.

‘You know how important communication is, especially during a fight like that, knowing that our lives were at stake!’

‘Well if you’re going to be this panicked maybe we shouldn’t be working together!’ Peter yelled.

Silence.

It was always the two of you. Worked together on group projects in school, going to go see the new Star Wars films at the cinemas (Ned came along for a couple of them), studying, working together to take down the bad guys.

It was Y/N and Peter, that’s how the world works.

You stared at Peter, struggling to believe that your best friend would say something like that.

‘You really think that that is how we should go. Work alone? No longer help each other out?’ You questioned as you walk away to pick up your mask to put it back on to hide your tears from your best friend.

‘Y/N I- I didn’t mean that.’ Peter said softly, his voice starting to shake.

‘You seemed pretty certain about it.’ You snapped.

You didn’t want to leave your best friend. You knew that you and Peter were the best team. You understood each other’s movements. You knew that what you were about to do was completely unreasonable and stupid, but you were too clouded with your emotions and Peter’s words still racing through your head.

Peter started to slowly walk towards you.

‘Y/N, I swear I didn’t mean that. We’re a team, we always work together, and we work well. I’m sorry I’m just frustrated.’

‘Don’t bother apologising Peter, just, I’ll see you tomorrow at school.’

You turned around and leapt off the room and headed back home to get some sleep.

-

Walking down the halls of midtown, you kept your eyes focused on your locker because there was no way that you were going to face Peter.

Grabbing your books seemed like the perfect time for Peter to go up and talk to you but when you saw his New Balance sneakers next to you, you slammed your locker door shut and turned in the opposite direction, taking the longer way to your maths class.

You knew that you had to get over Peter’s words, and you knew you would eventually, but they had hurt so bad.

It wasn’t fair that Peter snapped at you just because you wanted to make sure that he was safe.

Sitting in maths you didn’t make eye contact with Peter. You had made the mistake of looking at him once and seeing the pain in his eyes made your stomach turn.

-

During lunch you didn’t talk to Peter, you just sat there reading your book, not taking in any words that were on the paper. You couldn’t focus on the story when thoughts of Peter were racing through your head.

Peter and Ned were whispering quietly to one another and Ned could sense the tension between the two of you. MJ was a lifesaver however because she sat down next to you.

Peter must have told her that something was going on, but you could tell from the look on MJ’s face, she didn’t know why.

-

After lunch was English with MJ. You didn’t have the class with Peter which was a gift for that day because you did not want to deal with your ‘best friend’.

MJ sat next to you and she questioned about you and Peter.

You two would always sit together at lunch, discussing whether the movie night this week was going to be at yours or his, whether the book was better than the movie (which MJ usually sided with you, because the book is (nearly) always better than the movie while Ned would side with Peter) and talking about what you learnt in physics. You two never talked about your teamwork outside of school, in fear of endangering others or if anyone was listening who shouldn’t be.

‘Peter and I had an argument last night over something. Just, he got on my nerves last night because he stressed me out.’

‘Okay, but we all know that he is an idiot, sometimes right?’ MJ laughs.

‘I know, and I know that I’m overreacting but it’s just really getting on my nerves. Peter’s my best friend and I want him to keep in contact you know?’ You said, straying closely to the truth, but not too close.

‘Peter sucks at texting back. He either texts straight away or at 3am, there’s no in-between.’ MJ smirks.

You sigh and continue to work on your English assignment.

‘I’m just distancing myself and I’m gonna work my own for a bit, rather than working with Pete.’

‘Okay, just remember that Pete will always be there for you, but  I know I don’t have to remind you.’

-

It was a week later. You had finished your homework for the night and told your parents you were going to bed, but you snuck out onto the fire escape and went to patrol for the night.

You hadn’t heard too much of Spider-Man’s activities in helping your city, only the small things such as helping the man find his pigeons.

Jumping from building to building, you were keeping an eye out for any odd behaviour when you spied a group of people hanging around a jewellery store. They were wearing homemade masks, so you knew this wasn’t a night where these people were getting a couple of drinks.

You eyed one of the masked people and jumped to a streetlight that was across the street from the store. Even though you never admitted it to him, you always had to thank Peter for teaching you how to stay balanced on the lights because there were too many laughter-filled nights and bruised legs the next morning from when you would slip.

When one masked people pulled out a hammer, that was when you interrupted.

‘Sorry to ruin your lovely night, but I’m not too sure that what you’re doing is legal.’ As you made your way over to the streetlight on their side of the busy NYC street.

The people on the ground started squabbling and pulling out their weapons that you had managed to not see in the first place. As they were pulling out their weapons, you told them to ‘take their time’.

You hadn’t thought that far ahead. Of course, they would’ve had weapons. So you stole your moment to think about what to do.

You saw an opening and leapt onto the tallest of the masked group and rebounded onto the smallest, ready to take them on.

‘Honey, you only just missed me. What a pity. Aim better next time.’ You teased as you dodged the female masked lady and then kicked her aside. Then you spun around to kick the tallest in the group on the temple, knowing that it would only knock the guy out.

You were down to the last three people, and you weren’t even tired. You were just doing your usual patrol and you were glad that the other ‘protector’ of New York hadn’t joined the party. However, when you looked to your left, you were ready to forgive your best friend so you could make it out of the night alive.

Many black SUV’s came screeching down the avenue, a never-ending line of them.

Your guess what that the people who were planning to rob the jewellery store, weren’t just a group of bored people.

In your moment of distraction, you felt someone punch you in the abdomen but after a year of fighting, you knew not to lean down. Instead, you gasped for air and hit back twice as hard. You spun, dodged and jumped, knocking out all of the robbers, wanting to get that off your to do list at the moment.

You saw many men run jump out of the many cars when you turned around, all now holding guns that you weren’t expecting.

Now you understood why you and Peter couldn’t work alone.

You always needed each other.

When the first shot was fired and you only narrowly missed, you knew you had got yourself into a bit of a mess.

Then you heard a familiar ‘pist’ sound.

However, you didn’t let your eyes flick over to your right, because in that moment, you were going to use Peter to your advantage.

It’s strange, there was a silence, as if the world was still but then you heard a voice in your earpiece.

‘Look Y/N, I’m sorry but we were both wrong. Could I be starting more unnecessary shit by saying this? Probably but we both had our faults. I should’ve contacted you, but you also didn’t have to ignore me. We didn’t have to have a ‘fight’. Anyway, I’m not gonna have a whole big speech right now because we’re about to be in the middle of something, but are we ready to work together again?’ Peter asked?

‘Okay yeah we’re all good. I’m sorry, and here we go. Start from the back and don’t be seen.’ You said quietly to Peter.

‘Yep spectacular spidey silent.’ You rolled you eyes and you saw out the corner of your eyes, a flash of blue and red jump to the corner of the building, and start taking out the men out the back. Even you could hear the ‘thwip’ from Peter, and even though he was saving you, you still needed to help his spider ass.

‘Okay, now let’s have some fun.’ You said as you ran forward to the army in front of you.

Now that everything was back in place, everything felt a lot smoother.

You flipped over about twenty men in front of you and you met the first guy with a kick to the throat and he stumbled back onto the ground and then you kicked another one of his buddies who landed right on top.

The two of you kept in touch the whole time, working well together and when you had your last five guys, you decided to have even more fun.

Finish things up by taking one of the guys and swinging him around to take out his other four mates.

You heard Peter laugh. It was your style to muck around a little bit, even when it was a dangerous situation.

Peter was the one to muck around with words, while you were the one to muck around a little bit when fighting, and it meant that the two of you worked well together.

You smiled at your best friend after the two of you took out the last guy and you went to hug your best friend when you looked over his shoulder only to shove the both of you to the side.

You could still hear the whistling of the bullet in your ear.

That’s when you saw one more car coming towards you, except you didn’t think this was one going to stop anytime soon.

‘Pete, do you wanna lift me?’ You turned to your best friend.

Peter nodded and grabbed onto your arm and swung the two of you up to the top of the building on the corner of the street.

The new black truck was driving past you and from the back on the building, a new problem arose.

You saw more men jump out, but then you saw the leader of the masked men.

Wilson Fisk.

The big (the only word that could describe him) man jumped down from the truck and you could see the metal bouncing back from the heavy man.

‘So here we are Spider-Man and his little girlfriend.’ Fisk looked up at you with a evil smirk.

You couldn’t care less about being called Spider-Man’s ‘girlfriend’, but you weren’t happy about the fact that Fisk had only called you that.

You weren’t Peter’s sidekick, and Peter wasn’t yours.

You were equal.

Now you were ready to fight.

Peter shot his webs over to the building opposite the two of you and swung the two of you over them. You dropped from Peter’s hold and knocked out one of the men cold.

You saw Fisk load his gun and before you could say anything, webs were shot, and the weapon went flying from Kingpin’s grasp.

You nodded to your friend in acknowledgement of his smooth move and the two of you went back to fighting the men.

Take down the pawns in order to take down the king.

Peter was dodging bullets and you had taken down the last men when you turned around to see Peter held by his neck by Wilson Fisk.

Your best friend started kicking, flailing around, suffocating.

You gasped, scared but you had no time to let the panic set in.

You took a deep breath. Panic was going to be no friend here.

The fire hydrant wasn’t going to be a good distraction, but you always had some stuff up your sleeves.

Peter wasn’t the one who was also inventing, nor Tony. You worked with Peter a lot when it came to improving his suit. It also meant that you had made a few little toys for yourself.

You threw a smoke bomb in Fisk’s direction hoping that it would release his grip of Pete just a little and then you climbed to the top of another streetlight and leapt onto Fisk.

You were right and landed on the crime lord’s shoulders and in surprise, he dropped and spun around to try and throw you off which you allowed.

Peter always recovered fast and it was something that you never completely understood, but soon enough you felt Peter’s webs stick to you and the next moment you were flying in Fisk’s direction and you kicked the man in the stomach which caught him by surprise. It then allowed you to distract Fisk as Peter snuck up behind him and began to tie him up with his webs.

Once everything was handled and Fisk was not able to move due to the number of webs that were trapping him, you called 911.

‘Yeah we’re all good. Yeah on the corner where the jewellery store is. Yep that’s the right one. Yep where the bus stop is. Yep on 5th avenue. All good? Anytime. Have a good night now guys.’ You wished the police a good night.

‘Well that was fun.’ You laughed.

Now that the adrenaline had stopped for the two of you, you realise how tired you were and how much your bodies hurt.

‘Can’t wait to see the bruise tomorrow. And shit, it’s 10:30pm.’ You said.

‘Did you finish the chem work?’ Peter asked as the two of you swung across the city.

‘Yeah I did. Do you need to borrow my answers?’ You laughed.

‘Okay yeah, just this once. Thanks.’ Peter chuckled.

‘You said that the last five times dumb-bum.’

It then returned to silence, and you knew what was coming next.

‘Peter, I’m sorry. Just, I got really scared and I panicked and yes, I was kinda rude with ignoring you and I know it was a bitchy thing to do but I was so angry. Pete, I was so scared.’ You explained. You didn’t have a good reason or your actions, but you were trying to make sense of them.

‘Y/N, I get it. I would’ve panicked too if the roles were swapped but we both acted out okay. We all good now?’ Peter smiled.

‘Of course, buddy.’

‘Okay shut up.’ Pete groaned at the nickname.

‘Be nice if you want the answers.’ You shouted as you returned to the ground, as you were now going to walk the couple more blocks to return to your apartment complex.

‘Sorry. Good night, love you!’ Peter swung away.

If it were any other city, people would be annoyed at the shouting.

‘Love you too buddy!’ You shouted from the ground.

You walked home with a smile on your face.

-

The next morning, at school, Peter thanked you again and called you a ‘lifesaver’ for giving him the answers to the chemistry homework.

Peter maybe smart, but he sucked at remembering to do his homework.

MJ smiled and you nodded to her from across the hall.

Everything was back to normal between you and your best friend, with one lesson learnt.

Just fucking communicate.

[gayerluke]

so i’ve been meaning to write about this for almost a week now since it happened early tuesday morning, but i’ve been burying myself in hyperfixation hell to distract from the utter shock & devastation of it. but i owe my friends on main to talk about it bc i know you guys care about me & my little family.

tw for animal death

my rat patrick passed away extremely suddenly & unexpectedly in the middle of the night between monday & tuesday. he was euthanized at the ER & went peacefully. i wasn’t with him during the actual moment (protocol with small animals is different because they use a different method) but i gave him a lot of love right before they took him back.

both rats were completely FINE early monday. they were active & behaving normally, like little scamps. i came in late that night to check them before bed. david was his normal self, climbing up the cage bars to come see me. patrick, however, was curled up in a little ball, fur all puffed out, eyes squinted: classic sick rat pose. i picked him up & he was awake & responsive, but didn’t squirm like he normally would. his breathing was extremely labored. to me it seemed like an upper respiratory infection, but it’s unusual for them to come on so suddenly -- usually you’ll see mild symptoms building up over the course of maybe a week before it gets this bad (i would’ve definitely begun treatment well before he had reached the state he was in). URIs can usually be treated with simple antibiotics/anti-inflammatories, which needs to be supplemented with a probiotic bc rats are hindgut fermentors who need the beneficial bacteria to digest. but i knew this was bad enough that he needed to go to the ER bc he needed oxygen.

took both rats with me to help reduce the stress for them. this was about 3am. the person who opened the door for me was someone i know from school, of course, bc there’s literally nowhere in town i can go without someone i know working there. it’s fine though bc she was kind of a calming presence & also they can tell the doctor im a tech so they dont dumb it down for me. they took him back right away & took vitals; breathing was labored like i said but he was also hypothermic with a temp of 96; normal is 100-102.5, same as a dog or cat. they put him in an incubator with heat & oxygen. took x-rays, found fluid in the lungs but also AROUND the lungs, known as pleural effusion.

it was at this point that i knew it was not a simple URI but something really really bad. i associate pleural effusion with heart disease; fluid builds up in the institial spaces when blood isn’t being pumped properly. the dr said the fluid could either be pus from infection, blood from trauma, or free fluid (water basically) from a cardiac abnormality, likely congenital given his age. the only way to know for sure was a thoracentesis (chest tap) for $2,000, which didn’t guarantee anything except diagnosis of the type of fluid, & could also cause further damage. just sending him home on antibiotics wasn’t going to work unless we knew it was an infection & could jeopardize his health even further. she also revealed that she didn’t want to do outpatient bc she really didn’t think he’d survive very long outside of the oxygen cage. i was there for several hours just trying to come to a decision. ultimately i chose to let him go. he was only 3 months old.

i elected to have a necropsy performed on site free of charge (as opposed to sending it out to the big lab for more precise diagnosis). i had to call the vet 4 times to finally get ahold of the attending doctor to get the report; the 4th time i called i sobbed on the phone to the receptionist. waiting was the worst fucking part. finally got to talk to her yesterday. the ER vet’s best guess was a congenital heart defect; however the vet who did the necropsy found that it was in fact a severe infection. i can’t help blaming myself & wondering if he could’ve been saved if i’d just taken him home on the antibiotic meds, or if it could’ve been prevented if i’d taken better care of him.

i’ve been a complete wreck since then, breaking down in sobs a lot. i didn’t sleep for 4 days. but the absolute worst part of all this is david. rats are social animals; they CANNOT live alone. human companionship isn’t enough. now i put him in his carrier & set it out on the couch or bed with a towel down so he can hang out with me for 6-8 hours a day. but he’s too nervous to come out of the carrier (patrick was always the investigative one who’d let david know when it was safe). he mostly sleeps all day. he is not eating much if anything & i’m trying to keep track of any weight loss, though he does seem to eat a bit with the emergency nutrical smeared on his kibble.

so now i’m at a crossroads: i either get another rat, which i’m not totally sure i want to do, or re-home him. the necropsy results help me determine that, because they’re most likely littermates so if patrick had a heart defect david could too.

again, i’ve been in stasis the last 5 days but now i have to make a tangible plan. at this point i’m leaning towards getting a second rat; david & i have bonded so much over this experience that i don’t want to give him away & really, 2 rats aren’t much more work than one. i might go back to the reptile store where they’re from to see if the owner (who i know) will just give me another one with good temperament.

but first david needs a vet appointment to see if he has any evidence of infection setting in, or if he should have prophylactic antibiotics. the cage & room need a deep clean. technically i could get a new rat right now since i’d want to quarantine both of them for 2 weeks, but unfortch i’m flying to fucking portland again next friday. i need to find where to board him.

sorry this is so long but i’ve really been Processing it all. i’ve spent all week in shock. for the first 2 days i couldn’t look at david without breaking down in full-on sobs. patrick was only 3 months. he was doing so well & becoming a big boy. i’m heartbroken. but i’m determined to still give david a good life.

[phoebtcnkin]

tagged by: @nathaliekclley nicknames: half of my family calls me ‘cake’, the other half calls me ‘peanut butter’, and one lone aunt calls me ‘kayla corn’. i can’t even say i’m surprised they’re all food related.  zodiac: virgo sun, aries moon, gemini rising (although there’s some debate about my birth time. oh well.) height: 5′4″ hogwarts house: according to the test on that one website i’m a slytherin last thing i googled: i can’t remember which came first and which came second, but yesterday i p. much simultaneously reverse looked up a missed call on my phone (turns out it was the hospital) and i also typed here kitty kitty by jardine libaire into the address bar of my computer bc i was too lazy to pull up amazon directly and needed to buy it asap. favorite musicians: god. this is... varied. the 1975, the used, blackbear, carrie underwood, NF, chiodos, dustin lynch, lewis capaldi, underoath, hozier, thomas rhett, every time i die, eden, halsey, the menzingers, the plot in you, dan + shay, young the giant, and letlive. plus 2973237 others i’ve probably forgot or neglected to mention bc we ain’t got all day. song stuck in my head: lately it’s been a toss up between ‘just sign the papers’ by aaron west and the roaring twenties (eta: i NEED this for a plot. thnx.), and ‘am i here?’ by fever 333 following: 388 followers: 405 do i get asks: on rare occasions, but i’m notorious for habitually forgetting to ever check it + respond. sorry friends. i stg it’s not personal. i’m just a living, breathing, permanent mess who has the memory of a goldfish and the attention span of a 3 year old. amount of sleep: uhm. i don’t understand the question. lucky number: 3 (i was taken in by my family at 3 weeks old, officially adopted at 3 years, and it took 3 chance encounters for my fiance to finally ask for my name and number) outfit rn: my fave sweats that i bought at the harley dealership i used to work at and my fiance’s pittsburgh penguins tee. guess i went to bed nostalgic for home lol dream job: professional mermaid/napper/wine drinker/netflix binge watcher. beyond that? probably something in interior design/decorating or writing/publishing. i’m an indecisive mess of interests and desires. we know this.  dream trip: ireland and greece and australia and morocco  instruments: i got kicked out of 4th grade flute if that tells you anything. i like to pretend i can play all the drums, guitars, and saxophones laying around my house, though. does that count?  languages: english, whatever my brain sporadically remembers from grade school french + high school spanish, and ‘head, shoulders, knees and toes’ in japanese + numbers 1-10.  fav song: again, it’s a tie. ‘gum’ by moose blood and ‘gorgeous’ by mansionz + basically anything and everything else my fiance has ever randomly sent me/dedicated to me/or danced with me to at 3am.  random fact: my legit #1 fear in the entire world is worms and i bawled like a baby when michael proposed to holly on the office. aesthetic: a swirling tornado of coffee spills and chaos. but i guess lots of black, ripped jeans, plain tanks, and leather sandals are my go-to uniform if i’m not in the same sweatpants i’ve been wearing for 3 days straight. in terms of my house? i’m a mix of modern/minimalistic and bohemian vibes. i like clean and i like carefree and cozy.

tagging: @macherierps, @hilarydcff, @sammrps, @londonrphs, @anniematron, @rcleplayer, @dropsofautumn, and anyone else who wants to do it bc i’m out of time now lmfao

[yoongiblunt]

Idk how to do a read more but I’m back to using this as my journal until I can get thru whatever emotional funk this has all caused

Pettiest shit I’ve seen all day is my roommate blocking me on his twt because I caught him lying about being in a ward with an ankle monitor and also about being stalked and showed our other roommates bc he was just trying to guilt people. Like bro the only ward u were in was our house plz try again

Like he also claimed my cat tore a bunch of his shit up but Salem doesn’t really fuck with tapestries and has been in my room for the most part because I haven’t been home much bc work

I’m sort of exhausted with fighting w him when all I’m trying to do is go to work and come home. It seems like every day he is more upset with me, when I’m barely ever in my home.

Yesterday he got up and left the room when I came in.

All of our fights are always me expressing discomfort with something, bringing it up, and him either complaining I didn’t bring it up immediately or shutting it down with all of this reasoning why I was actually wrong about being upset and how he is actually the one who deserves an apology.

I’ve never had such a difficult time interacting with someone. It’s like all he does is poke and prod at me.

He is still actively using my toiletries and even asked if I could give him Adderall. Naturally I still help him because why would I withhold medication from someone who needs it?

He is asking me to buy him an entire new cat litter box because Salem allegedly pulled the filter off. The filter is a piece of foam that is usually switched out. He also won’t let me see it. He also claims that Salem came in his room and scratched up his tapestry. Why have all of my tapestries been absolutely fine?

He literally has a cat that he leaves unattended for hours in his room. It’s fair to assume that his own cat is breaking things and he doesn’t want to replace it.

He even went on and on about how Salem pissed in our roommates bed, but Salem had been in his kennel all day.

How would he do that?

I’m tired of my animal being blamed for things he didn’t do, so I am entirely skeptical.

How can I believe anything he says to me?

I am not a mean person, and I’m not overly selfish. Before Noah moved in, maison and I never had issues. It’s sort of like everyone switched up on me. I feel like I could be yelled at at any second just for being in the livingroom.

I tend to keep weird hours and get home at 3am. I’m always very quiet, but I like to sit in the livingroom and have something to eat and watch tv for a bit before getting ready for bed. The whole time I feel like I’m doing something wrong.

I pay my rent weeks ahead of time and go without meals because my bills are paid first.

I have nothing but old bread and kimchi in my fridge. I have 2$ in my account. I haven’t been able to afford the laundromat in over a month. But my pets are fed. My bills are covered.

I cannot afford to buy him all this shit.

I’m going to just cash app him 50$ and tell him to leave me alone again. I’m tired of always being bothered.

Once he broke into tears because he thought maison and I were talking about him badly when he asked me to give him the 100$ my mom gave me so I could pay him back for gas.

Maison and I discussed how much I should ACTUALLY send him, given that was money to help me get on my feet between paychecks at a new job.

It’s like he thinks his situation is the only one that matters most of the time.

Yes; he is struggling often and he doesn’t have a job. But he also hasn’t gone out and got a job. He applied for jobs when he first moved here and realized trendy places didn’t pay well and never tried again. He waited on his school to give him a job at the library or something, but idk what ever happened to that bc he never went.

He can pay his rent because he is a commission artist, and a very good one, but he never leaves the house and in the year and a half he has lived here he hasn’t made any friends in town. This isn’t a judgment, this is moreso a worry because he is always so depressed that he does call hotlines and tell us he wants to hurt himself. I can only worry that being so confided in one place, taking stimulants on stimulants to keep himself together, and not going out often while also being poor doesn’t help anything.

I’ve always kinda worried about him which is why I asked him to move in with all of us.

I should have worried more when he got Wendy so upset that she moved. I know she felt bullied.

I wish people would notice that this is the second time someone in this house has had a poor interaction with Noah and he has isolated and bullied them out of the house.

Noah also talks so much shit on Maisons bpd and has asked me if I thought that maison and Alex were toxic for each other as if any of those things are any of our business.

He has told me that him and mai talked ‘a ton’ about how my npd is really bad lately— I don’t have npd. I told maison I thought I might but wanted a diagnosis but it just turned out that was a trauma thing from growing up with a dad who did have npd. When I explained that to Noah he backpeddled real hard but maison told me I was a douche and that I was self centered.

I had never been told something like that and lately I’ve been really working on trying to like myself more. I have a lot of dysmorphia and dislike for myself. And it’s been really hard to exist at all in the world.

I wouldn’t even let my therapist see me outside of a single picture for weeks because I hate being seen.

I recently made a lot of friends with this job and they often tell me how good I look and help my ego. They hype me up all the time and it’s so easy to want to talk about myself to them. I just want them to hear my brain stuff and know that I feel them.

I statements are my favorite because they are passive enough and don’t place assumption on other people. I usually speak in them so I don’t sound accusatory.

This house has always been one where we didn’t need to regulate. I always told my roommates that they could feel their feelings and that regulating all the time was hard and bad days were okay.

Every time I’ve had a bad day it has been met with more stress. I was groped at work and Noah wants to fight about something. I was robbed and maison wants to make me feel worse and fault. I fell into a quiet depressive episode where all I did was slept and never ate at home. I barely used my own bathroom bc I was at work so often. It was always a wreck and it added another level of stress. I don’t understand why the bathroom is always so dirty and why he can’t clean after himself or buy his own shampoo and constantly use it. He will buy shampoo/body wash and then use mine before he uses his own.

My tooth paste and brush were getting pulled out of the holder by him constantly so I moved mine to a mug that I was sick of him and Alex using all the time.

The dishes of ‘mine’ in the sink aren’t even dishes I’ve used, they’re my dishes that other people have used and left in the sink. I can’t even use my ramen bowl sometimes because it needs washed first and I barely use it.

Not to mention the amount of clothes of mine he has ruined and acted like I was wrong for being mad at him. He bleached one of my hoodies and there are now giant orange patches all over it, he did this in April and didn’t tell me. In September I saw the hoodie on him and mentioned it and he literally said “took you long enough” and walked out of the room. I had friends over so I didn’t press it. But he was upset with me. He made the situation about him. He literally turned it into a fight about how he was going to deep clean the bathroom and I was yelling at him. I had not seen my hoodie in months but figured it was safe enough with him. I was completely wrong and upset that he would ruin something of mine, not say anything, and continue wearing it. Not to mention be fucking mean to me for saying something to him.

When he made jokes about my sister who died when I was a teenager and I got uncomfortable a bit later about the situation he told me I held it over his head and because I laughed at the time I wasn’t allowed to get mad at him because it reminded him of his mom who would wait to get onto him for shit

I literally just laughed because I didn’t want it to be awkward and wanted to move on,

I am allowed to process feelings and present them to someone so why am i being told it’s abusive to bring them up the next day?

It’s so frustrating and unfair that my emotional needs are not also being met when I try so hard

He has been sobbing on the floor and I have sat with him and calmed him.

He has been sick and I have ran him baths and held his hair back and gave him snacks and drinks that he told me were disgusting and left a mess behind him.

He almost got me beat up by people for saying some mean shit to them using my phone and not only did he make a huge event about it on Twitter but he also told everyone that it was only happening to him and bullied those people on his main. Had they seen that it would have been my ass.

It’s like I helped him by giving him a space and helping him out w some funds but when I stopped being cool and easy going about stuff because it’s HARD TO ALWAYS BE ON AND REGULATED I stopped being his friend.

I told Alex some of these things and showed him screenshots and he said that I should hear the shit Noah says about me.

I’m aware Noah and Alex are friends now and I shouldn’t have told Alex I knew any of this because he probably told Noah. I just wanted to tell someone what was going on because the single time I told maison they told me “you’re both valid” and kept it pushing. They didn’t even let me talk about it, but I’ve literally walked in on Noah saying mean shit about me and when I reacted I was being too aggressive apparently. I’m just tired of actually being picked on.

Why am I not allowed to be fragile and left alone

Why do I have to always be fighting with him?

I literally don’t speak to him most of the time and I somehow still always have to do shit for him or have issues to deal with.

I can’t afford to replace all this shit.

He literally destroyed the pillow I gave him, Maisons bedding, still has my purple comforter, and won’t stop using my razors but I’m the asshole for not immediately buying him a new litter box when I don’t even have any of my cards or even my id because I was robbed barely a week ago at my job???????

I shouldn’t have to beg someone to be nice to me when all I do is avoid conflict with him.

He just hates me now. I’m not sure where that started.

Maybe him constantly using up all of my shit and not replacing it. Or when he would beg to go somewhere with me and then make me late or dip out after making me late. Or that time he pretended to be asleep so he didn’t have to drive me to work so I had to walk and was 30 minutes late because I didn’t know I had to walk that morning because he told me he would drive me.

I just miss being friends with maison. They don’t care to listen to me anymore.