#bc then we make a plan I might actually do
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My therapist just told me Iāve shown a lot of growth over the last few months. Im like so winning at therapy. āØ
#sheās my fave therapist Iāve ever had.#I like how comfy I am being like that sounds like a good idea but Iām not gonna do that#bc then we make a plan I might actually do#as opposed to me in the past just feeling like Iām failing therapy#itās also like all literally about my mom and boundaries#personal
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#sars cov 2#covid 19#i've interacted with 4 different friends/acquaintances in the past month alone who have all been hospitalised after having a stroke#(and in one case multiple strokes)#one who i visited in hospital over the weekend had a (unmasked) nurse coughing up a lung in her room š#and one of them who had to undergo surgery also had to be moved to a different hospital#bc the ward they were keeping him in was full of confirmed covid patients šš#idk how many times it needs to be said before it gets through people's heads but VACCINES ARE NOT ENOUGH#and encouraging ppl to rely solely on them when there are already plans to jack up the prices so you have to KEEP PAYING for boosters#for an ONGOING mass-disabling event is so laughably unrealistic and absurd and flat-out demonic#you need to mitigate the actual spread of covid by WEARING A MASK + fighting for CLEAN AIR/proper ventilation in public spaces!!!!!!#ppl are so eager to forget the whole 'break the chain of transmission' thing and how effective masking is and so this is where we're at#'i got infected and infected other ppl who might die or become permanently disabled but it's no big deal bc no one else wears a mask#so if /i/ didn't infect them someone else would have anyway so it's not my fault and really its got nothing to do with me and my choices'#if everyone is responsible then no one is responsible - that's how it works right?#it's no wonder some ppl go rabid at even the sight of someone wearing a mask and minding their own business#ppl seeking treatment for unrelated conditions/illnesses and then dying from covid caught in hospitals#due to lack of npis/basic mitigation measures - no regulations no accountability#we truly live in a hell (''new normal'') of our own making#anyway none of this is new news at all i mostly thought it might be good to share the info graphic abt signs of stroke#covid has been given free reign and chances are increasing as to how likely you'll encounter it happening to someone you know at some point#also heart attacks and pots and alzheimer's etc etc etc
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as someone who isnt super excited for sotm for certain reasons I am really glad that like. it's clear that since ruin theyve been setting up for carnival and sotm IS carnival. so now that carnival is finally coming out, afterwards theyll be moving on to other plotlines since the main villain stuff is sorted out
I'm just rlly happy to finally see a clear direction for how the story is gonna be playing out with like "okay these games were leading up to this so after this will be open possibilites" instead of like. absolutely no info about each upcoming game and being left guessing before it releases and just having to wait and see what's in it and if anything you're looking forward to will be in it
it feels like they have a plan and a solid direction for what they're trying to do and after carnival releases thatll be all that buildup coming to fruition. & we already know from the Scott interview that theres another release 'beyond sotm' that's 'super exciting' so maybe thatll be focusing on another big currently untouched (which is basically all of them) plotline, or even the big campaign game that dawko has been calling security breach 2
#even if i dislike how theyve been handling this whole mimic cassies dad factory mapbot bonnie bully stuff#the past like 2 releases 3 after sotm#after watching johns theory video it really does feel like stuff was more purposeful with thought put into it when u plug in cassies dad#even if the plot of him being behind mxes and trapping mimic is pushing other more important characters aside#its probably what happened and accepting that makes the story at least seem more thought out#it did make me feel better about it bc like. it at least feels like theyre cooking#like what theyre working on DOES have a direction and a plan and it isnt just random stuff like how it felt when hw2 came out#i might still think that the stuff theyve been doing the past few releases is boring af and uninteresting#compared to earlier concepts like focusing on vanny and the possession aspects and sentient glamrocks#(we could see more of it with freddy if theyd let him come back ever)#but like. at least it has thought put into it and feels like theyre actually trying to set shit up for something#like sotm is an ORIGIN#the tagline was 'sometimes you have to understand the past to see the future'#at the end of the day sotm is a setup for a campaign thatll take place in present day anf#even if its taking ten thousand years to get there im excited for it#aka its taken a long time to tell this story setup of cassies dad and mimic and shit and it might be boring for some people#(me)#but at the end of the day its meant to be setup explaining the past of why mimic exists (even if that's already in tbe books)#so after we 'understand' it we can get back to present day#and focus on its current victims vanessa gregory cassie etc#cassies dad is 100% dead if hw2s protag is him so he woukdnt be relevant anymore. just another character thing to serve cassie#im just saying like after sotm its wide open for getting back to the plot#and i think its actually right to say that bc like all of this has been setup. if hw2 protag is cassies dad its a prequel to ruin#so rn ruin is the most recent game in the timeline. meaning the next game that takes place in current tjme will focus on the current mains#Gregory cassie vanessa#sorry for fnaf plot posting again ive been thinking about it a lot the past few days#thought id balance some negative ive posted with a positive since im feeling better about it myself :)#one day we're gonna be so back and its gonna be great#its just gonna be a long annoying wait lmao#thoughts
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THE BEST OF MASS EFFECT: VIRMIRE
Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard and Cmdr. Dominik Shepard With: Lt. Kaidan Alenko, Gun. Chief Ashley Williams, Urdnot Wrex, and Tali'Zorah nar Rayya Ft. Special Guest Appearances by: Spec. Saren Arterius and Sovereign There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own, you cannot even imagine it... Mass Effect: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs āØ#sophie shepard#dominik shepard#kaidan alenko#ashley williams#urdnot wrex#taliļæ½ļæ½zorah vas normandy#mass effect#me#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#itās been so long since iāve made a BEST OF: lol but virmire called to me the other night#this isnāt really the same as the ME3 ones iāve been breaking from tbf but also virmire is my favorite mission in ME1#and tbf this is a BEST OF: ME in general#i might make a series but i'm not quite sure yet this was just something that popped into my head when i was playing a UNC the other night#but i did get to use both the kids this time!!! :D#my favorite mindoir twins :)#bc we love BOTH sheps in this house!!!#but this was a lot of fun! i got to do some more interesting stuff with the editing and the coloring than i usually do :)#i was also planning on using a vision shot? but those are so jittery (right word?) in gif form that i scrapped it tbf#also pls excuse soph looking different in literally every gif pack i release lmaooooo#this is the last iteration of her head i promise lmao (actual canon ME1 appearance i swear ignore everything else lol)#finally fixed that sculpt and gave her her piercings and i think she matches up with dom a lil better now :)#tbf dom also went through 50 other iterations of his sculpt but i never giffed those. those are just in a screenshot folder on my PC lmao#i was gonna say OG dom versus now dom isn't that far off but tbh dom did have a CC head at one point#i call that head dan now bc i don't associate it with him anymore it looks nothing like him LMAO#OG OG soph looked crazy different too tbf. and she was an adept at one point before i scrapped that entirely.#oh OG versions of my kids how different you looked and how much you have changed#but the kids are alright! and i'll stop screaming about them now. :)#iāll stop using the tags to rant now even if it is the mira specialā¢ļø but have a good day wherever you are!! :D
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Stampede aka another episode of luffy turning haters into dick riders just with his kind and big heart
#i might understand all the robin law fanfare... its been 26 minutes of stampede......#frobin reigns supreme imo still.....#VICEADMIRAL MOMONGA TOCAME LA PORONGA??? HELLO#THE LOG POSE TO LAUGH TALE???? and hancock arrived ā¤ļøā¤ļø#usopp saving luffh omg.....#blonde buggy..... why are we doing this to out beautiful women...#fujitora is on his own frequency... here you go a meteorite.. whatever happens to all of you and our troops happens goodbye#mihawk intervened bc zoro couldn't do it omg.... nami keep watch he is going to end it all tonight jesus#also persona following mihaw for a second movie ajdjaks.... i love them together honestly#brosalino is the kuma guy's uncle????? nepotism......#calling this guy the heir of the demon.... taking blame off ace akdjsksn.... you know whats funny in movies garp is very like thoughtful and#comprehensive of others peoples issues and then you get to how he raised luffy and like.... wouldn't that have been good there....#and with ace too lmao.... i mean he didnt have abandonment issues but just wait and see to a 10yo asking if he is worthy of living idk...#i get the meaning of it and what he meant but we all know ace didnt get that at the time until luffy got there#usopp.... see how when oda writes the movies it feels different.... first steong world with namo and now stampede with usopp...#the relationship moments really hit.. i was gonna comment about zoro and the cursed sword but that was just focusing on him#well this one wasnt written by oda but supervised i will take it....#hina taking the kids aldjakskal...... smoker and hina best straight ship behind frobin imo..... baby 5 x sai number 3 spot#sabo....... actually thank you bc smoker thinks he can take anybody#hancock and buggy AJSJAKAKLQQ omg usopp dont cry....... luffy will KILL that guy for making usopp feel like that lmao YEAAAH!!!!!#law smoker sabo the luffy lover squad..... each in their own way lmao#hancock its been so long how are you <3 omg law what are you doing here <3 my brother sabo hello.#crocodile made the plan of course.... luffy lover member too#usopps bullets omg....#sanji and zoro against lucci omg..... YEAAAHHHH#wait a second straw hat crew costume by uniqlo design team??? THE DRIP!!!#luffy seeing ace beside luffy with the fire goodbye.... he is EVERYWHERE#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies
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Acorn Anne visits some Mulberry trees that are in need of healing. please send a small offering of dry, warm air through your closest fairy ring and Acorn Anne will direct it to the leaves of both trees. thank you for your cooperation š«”
#ok i learned the fungus on my trees is not life threatening and is worse in wet summers#apparently stronger and healthier trees are more resistant to it too#which if the rest of the neighborhood is anything to go by i think my trees are a bit healthier#that is good to see#they need a good trim though#anyway send dry air it might rain this week which i do love bc we always need rain in texas#but if you send the dry air in the fairy ring acorn anne can reserve it for next summer and maybe they can be healthier then#since its almost autumn rn anyway#actually send me some spoons through the ring too bc i need to trim their branches and rake the fungus leaves up#i dont plan on raking the normal autumn leaves but apparently keeping the fungus leaves off the ground can help#thank you in advance for any contributions you make ok love you byeeee#my clown#acorn anne syrup#clownblr#clownin around#clown shenanigans#clown doll#porcelain clown doll#PS if you send dry air through the portals i will also have Acorn Anne send you back any mulberries we happen to get if any#i have NO clue if these trees will produce fruit lmao i have no experience with mulberry trees at all#even though apparently these are native to my area#seems like in the 60s they still planted native trees instead of *clenches fist* bradford pears#unreality
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just think this time tomorrow ill be publicly indecent in a spoons somewhere. i am so strong
#ONE MORE EXAM. WE CAN DO THIS. I WILL BE DONE IN LITERALLY LESS THAN 24 HOURS NOW#AND THEN THE NEXT EXAM SEASON ISNT UNTIL MAY. COME ON GIRL#we have such a fun plan for tomorrow though bc the consensus has just been 'we need to get fucking mangled after this exam'#like i havent been out-out in WEEKS the closest i came was the end of december for a hometown house party of all things#i didnt even go out for nye. let's all take a moment and consider the implications for someone like me NOT GOING OUT ON NYE#so i am OVERDUE a good night out and then on top of that ive had exams be SO fr#and also this is the first year where my main friendship group (i.e not my housemates but my actual social circle)#are ALL econ students like there's about five of us and we all do econ and yeah two of them ive been mates with since first year#(the girl is my best mate at uni and is always who im on about if i talk about a 'girl on my course' and the lad is the one i lived with#in first year and have kind of got a thing with now?) BUT THE OTHERS ARE NEW ADDITIONS AND THAT'S SO FUN#so we're ALL gonna tip out of that exam and then me and her are gonna go back to mine to get ready bc am i fuck doing make-up#before that exam. the STATES i have shown up in these past few days i think the invigilators are worried about me#and then we're meeting the lads at the pub and starting there and THEN going spoons bc it's me and the girl's tradition#(calling her just 'the girl' is so funny. woman š«µ) after exams to buy each other mystery shots at spoons and we HAVE to drink them#and then one of the lads really wants to go to a karaoke bar for some reason?? so that might be in my future#AND THEN we're going clubbing. im so ready. take me home vodka shots. the end is near please please please#hella goes to uni
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Uh. Hi. I'm a schizophrenic autistic trans man, my husband is a physically disabled trans man. We are gonna be homeless this month. Please consider commissioning me or donating to my cashapp or paypal
My cashapp is $vwolfe my PayPal is vwolfe23
#i just checked my cash savings and i literally got. $140#please help me#this is a cry for help a genuine one#i dont know what to do i really dont#at least were getting out of Florida (by force)#i guess i just keep working like normal but it def wont be enough.#keep working untill the hammer hits me on the head#and then what?#i dont know. we have a breif plan to drive up to a refreational state get a hotel and find jobs#but#id ont know#im so scared#i know nobody ever sees these but i just. need it so bad right now.#this might actually kill us lol#it all ends on a big fucking blow up every single time#just kinda glad we getting out before they reveal another hateful layer pre election day#i got kicked out and disowned by my dad last election day eve#and then i moved in with my husband. and now my husbands dad is kicking us out AGAIN bc again. we arent taking transphobia and bullshit#called us dykes bruh. they make a big deal everytime they say fag and how they have a 'fag jar' but gonna call 2 fully grown trannies dykes#got it#im suicidal lol#our power is out from helene rn too and wr have a generator but they keep flipping our breaker just to upset us#and on top of all of this. we might be given custody of 3 kids. which im not ready for. im so scared and i dont know what my future beholds
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latterās canon relationship was Actually fanonās made up father figure/adopted child dynamic
#idkkkkkkkkkkkkk who looks at zx and is like 'you know what. this is a healthy parent child relationship'#like girl by fitting them into father son boxes you are actively making their relationship imbalance Worse#if you do that and dont shy away from it i respect that but if you say dad/son makes their relationship more wholesome or whatever like WHY#now i wont deny shippers might do that too but i see the dad son version so much i think im just averse to it by default#also because i think father son makes people actively Try to make their relationship something that its not and it erases a bunch of subtlet#subtleties in it. it's the nuanced r/ship -> entirely unproblematic and flavorless r/ship that i hate#also the number of people who'll block if you ship zx. like damn thats crazy you guys really think theyre father son (fake)???#at their peak they're like. 4000 year old guys who have too much history and repression and some weird entanglement of 'nah im bothering him#too much' and 'gotta protect him w my life' complexes. and then this devolves into theyre never gonna kiss until 3000 more years have passed#listen they just Contain Multitudes idc if you dont ship it just dont make it into dad and son and we will be so gucci#jing.yuan and yanqing are like different i think mostly bc yanqing is actually like a minor and jing yuan is also a normal ish person#plus the light cone and the abouts?? yeah this is an actual like adopted parent/child thing#also good or bad news i caved and am now playing hsr. the plan is to pull yanqing and then go on infinite hiatus in the game š#JWKFLJWEK i dont think theres really any draws for me besides him. personally neutral on turn based combat and the open world isn't giving#the only saving grace i have rn is 1) ive gotten to the part where bron.seele is real and man theyre gay 2) trailblazer trio 3) tall female#mc 4) everyone has way better emoting abilities than genshin 5) su.shang's really cute <3#the story doesnt really interest me though its like cool but not mindgrippingly interesting#tbf i think genshin is the same way storyline wise (at the beginning) but the difference is that turn based combat isnt really my thing LMAO#ramblings!#zhongxiao#if you want to filter it out ??
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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okay I just did my schedule for the holidays. maybe I'll try to avoid six weeks of night in the future but I can't do anything about that for now. anyway the scheduler in the email was like PLEASE put yourself in an empty slot before putting yourself in as the second person!! and I'm the very last person putting in my schedule bc it's not my turn to pick first so that's happening quite a lot for me rn but I can't always do the cool thing and put myself in the empty slot because it would fuck up the OTHER strict requirements of my position i.e. that we work half days and nights, unless I want to start flip-flopping from week to week which I am absolutely the fuck not doing lmao
#and it's not just MY fault! I see you putting yourselves both on days too!!! we have a week of empty nights and it's not just me!#we're shortstaffed with an uneven amount of people and NO dedicated night staff lmao.#that's what the volunteers are for. and call#the call requirements actually make it worse the more staff we have#bc if you're not in the first group then you HAVE to fill in all the gaps and it might fuck up travel plans#im glad I requested off a few months ago for december so I could just go home...#also the weekend requirements are mathematically calculated but sometimes they interfere w each other too! if someone's already in a slot#there's crazy mental math that happens trying to fill your quota#such is the downsides of doing your own schedule#cor.txt
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daily "i wanna get back into cosplay but i'm gonna look so bad and no one will recognize who i'm supposed to be and it's gonna fit all awkward so what's the point" time
#like excuse me for the internalized fatphobia i'm gonna deliver here#but. as nice as it is to see ppl say anyone can cosplay#if you're fat you WILL be treated differently. both in cons and online#unless your cosplay is 100% perfect and accurate and sits perfectly on you. and the character is already not too skinny#speaking from my own experience and from seeing fellow fat cosplayers in the past#bestie said we can do casual cosplay aka characters in regular clothes that they might wear#but it is. very detached from reality. this isn't really smth i can do and actually call cosplay. it's just putting on a wig#which skinny ppl can get away with but not us#i was in casts where i put a lot of effort into my costume and pics etc and barely anyone recognized it#while others in the cast did this casual cosplay sort of thing and ppl still got them. bc well they're shaped like the character ig#it's very disheartening and one of the reasons i stopped doing it really#i loved doing it but after having other bad experiences in events too it felt like the price and time aren't justified#and it always felt pointless to put in more effort when ik i won't look good in it anyway#or at least. won't look anything like the character no matter how hard i try š„²#but now that i'm into smth with cool designs that makes me wanna get back into it#and now that i actually started planning stuff and checked prices etc#i'm once again sad abt it. which is why i'm having second thoughts. bc is it worth it#i dunno. sorry for the ramble. hope the generalization isn't hurtful i'm just giving my own view and feelings on the matter#if you're a fat cosplayer i hope no one is ever mean to you about it ever and i hope you keep doing it
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this election feels so hollow even though itās likely ostensibly gonna be a good outcome. labour really just sucks fucking ass rn huh
#if the tories lose bad enough to make lib dems the opposition thoughā¦ a guy can hope#I think itās the fact that this is the first general election I can vote in thatās making me lose my mind a little here#I have done basically nothing but read today. I DO know a whole bunch more abt voting systems and the nightmare the tories have been now tho#Iām just kinda like. okay so what happens next? bc labour WILL do some decent shit but they also. fucking suck.#planning to look into the local green party once Iām back at uni bc I could actually do stuff there#I think Iām just dealing with a little bit of whiplash going from doing a biology degree where Everything is about climate change#like unambiguously it gets brought up in every topic (I DO focus on ecology and agricultural stuff and not like genetics but still)#clear consensus from literally everyone you talk to that shit has to happen right the fuck now.#itās not even like Iām unaware of the state of policy rn I KNOW itās a nightmare to do anything but we at least TALK about it#and then this election where itās barely a footnote. biggest thing is the sewage dumping everyoneās talking about and yeah fucking finally#but is that all youāve got?? the labour manifesto is bleak. it has a section and the stuff theyāre proposing isnāt bad but itās so little#and yeah no theyāve changed the official line on the manifesto to āmake Britain a clean energy superpowerā#I SWEAR it was different a few days ago#maybe Iām being pessimistic bc their plans for clean energy if they actually do them could be huge especially if they manage it by 2030.#itās just that I know what the targets are and theyāre already pulling back on shit like EVs bc of the shift right and I am So Tired#two party politics is a curse. as much as reform is an actual nightmare them getting a decent vote share might actually be the thing that#gets people talking abt proportional representation again bc they are nothing if not good at being loud#did you know we had a fucking referendum in 2011 bc what the fuck. and it went SO BADLY even though people generally supported it#god idk I think Iām once again being naively optimistic about people and election coverage has been very good at knocking me down a bit#people generally are good. I have to believe this. but man the british public is making that really fucking hard#genuinely I think a good chunk of that is down to first past the post driving politics to be divisive and aggressive#like is it the only problem? fuck no. but itās definitely poisoning the way this shit goes bc when all the parties do is jab at each other#what are we actually doing here#idk Iām gonna stop now but this is taking up a ridiculous amount of bandwidth rn I canāt wait for it to be over#already dreading what the next election could look like in 4 years if starmer continues to suck ass bc I donāt trust him to not like at all#luke.txt#I said i was done but I just looked at the lib dem manifesto and oh my god itās actually pretty good on this? holy fucking shit
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#personal vent incoming to just get off my chest don't be weird about it#i've known since i was a kid that my dad was overtly abusive but#just in the last 3-5 months i've learned my mom was and currently is almost just as abusive#but she's just covert about it instead#all of my adolescence was about surviving my dad who was so obviously a monster that he was almost easier to deal w in a way by comparison#this is. what an utter mind fuck#there's also like. no member of my family that i can turn to for help#bc they're either just as bad or my mother has ruined any relationship i might have w them over time#and i also fear being a burden#so i'm making a plan to get out but god it's overwhelming thinking about doing it all alone#and the thought that it might take years to actually get out or get healthy#she's kept me isolated from any support for so long#and im afraid any family that could possibly help wouldn't fully understand or they would be just as bad as her#and it feels impossible to progress at all bc im living w her and literally filed as her dependent on taxes#like ik this is gonna be the hardest thing to escape in my life and i've already escaped a lot#but this time i have to largely on my own#is v scary#and she's conditioned me to believe that i can't make any right decisions on my own without her#and that anything i do is always 'backwards'#makes it that much harder to make a clear plan#her work schedule is so inconsistent that it makes getting therapy online (since i don't have a license or car yet) nearly impossible#to do it without her or my brother listening#that i've just felt trapped for years#but. i can Tell i'm getting better now and rapidly. more than i've been for a v long time#so the process is just beginning and i think even she can tell#which is also dangerous#but ik i can do this its just the amount of time and effort and organizing behind her back and doing it alone thats v overwhelming#but anyway#we stay silly
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So I could really use some advice
#on a guy#if he actually likes me#because i'm really oblivious and i can't tell for sure from any signs he might give#but there could be a lot of signs š#so if anyone can help me out or tell me your opinion š#it's a guy i go to uni with and had a class with we're now friends and hang out a lot āŗļø but maybe it could become sth more...#well i really like him he's so nice fun to be around easy to talk to and so supportive š„°#actually i think i never liked a guy like him š„ŗ because all the things i'm scared or worried about in a relationship are less so with him..#and i think maybe it really could work while otherwise i often just wanna 'escape' not literally but you know#so we saw each other a lot lately like every week or more often than once a week#and he also texts me a lot or just randomly called me to ask me things or make plans :)#he just send me a youtube video link i need to look at it later š#when we meet we always hug as a greeting and goodbye š„¹#also he had a gf until april so i'm not sure if he'd be ready already but anyway#and we always talk about lots of things and he's so interested in what i have to say#we onced talked for like two hours in front of the door at night š#when we meet and go eat something he always pays for me and i kinda feel bad about it š
#because it must cost him so much money so last time at the cinema i insisted to pay haha#and he finds it really cool that i play tennis and didn't mind i spend so much time doing it#bc i met some guy who didn't so much because it meant i have less time to see him ig#but that's really respectful#and he always compliments me about so many things#also once we took a selfie together which i then sent him and he was like that he's unphotogenic on it unlike me#which i didn't know how to react because i never look photogenic#so i was like ānoo that's not true i'm the most unphotogenic person ever normallyā#and he was like āi canāt believe thatā which i don't see but š#and yeah he played tennis with me after i asked him if he wanted and he also always offers me his help#when i was decorating my room if i need help with carrying or he often wants to carry my bag#and he sent me old childhood pictures of him and just funny one so did i then#he also sent me one of the sweetest good luck messages before i played a tennis match for my club š„¹
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