#bc the pain of making these ones that i love and then not having reason to use them otherwise is owwwwch
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Sorry for the delay! Work been ass. Soooo half-assed king huh? Yeesh... Ig some of us were expecting a cool title from that dude I'm not even mad lmao. Surely there's a reason behind it and I still love him. Look how semi pathetic he looked? I want more of that. He's so sexy. SO. Without further ado smut Jaegyeon bc he and y'all deserves it 😏😏
It was just a small tease, you know? You accidentally forgot about what humans called 'boundaries'. It's crazy when you think about it. Jaegyeon Na has always been a dramatic little shit with a big dick energy. Except the big dick part was also literal believe it or not.
He's a handsome dude, no doubt. He's jacked. Pathetic too if your squint hard enough. Everyone is a pathetic once in a while. Even you.
Have you seen yourself? Like, right now?
"Gghk! Fuck!" He groaned harshly next to your ears. His hard cock hitting places you never knew existed before. If you never been so bruised and beaten all your damn life, you do now. You could've done something. Tell him to stop, said the safe word but who are you to be a buzzkill? Only to waste the opportunity to see him turn into such beast?
There's not a simple skin or body parts he hasn't touch. Who the fuck are you to tell him no? You're tripping.
You lost count on how many times you have cum. Oh wait. Right. I mean how many times you have cum in each rounds. He surely is relentless. You were crying, sobbing your ass out. Who the fuck is he to stop when you just feel so fucking good around his dick?
But let's do a little recap while we're at it. Speaking of boundaries, it's your fault anyway. The so-called half-assed king showing you that he may be a half-assed but not in bed.
There is no position he hadn't fuck you yet. Any surface he can get to, it's the night you received it. The bed, the wall, vanity, the floor, the window, bathroom sink etc.
His hips slapping against yours with a sloppy rhythm as he hold a fistful of your hair against the wall. He was quick to change his angle, unsatisfied. He never satisfied. When he thought he hit your sweet spot, he had to find another. You can't fool him, he knows there's more.
You let out a desperate moan. He mimicked you out of spite. "Fuck, you're so fucking annoying." He fastened his pace as a payback, making you whined loudly. "Shut up!!" He scowled louder, pushing your head deeper against his wall.
He let out a groan of his own, breathing harshly through his teeth as he fuck you stupid. The sight is sexy. Using one hand to hold you while the other dangle on his side. He's just giving you a break. That is the very least you can get from him. He doesn't stop his pace at all though.
When he's tired of standing, he just shoved you into his king sized mattress and locked you between his jacked bicep, practically choking you while he fucks you from behind until you back ached again.
You love it though. Your iris basically shaped into hearts. You didn't have your tongue sticking out like a whore though. He's just too relentless because you're holding the pain between your teeth. Too brutal. It's fucking painful you actually forgot the meaning of pain anymore.
You're just too loud tonight so he clasped his calloused hand onto your mouth to shut up you while your lewd mouth turned into desperate, helpless muffles.
"Fuck." He gasped heavily, his tightened his grip. You could barely breath before. Now you look fucking ridiculous. The stamina is just too insane you at the verge of passing out. Combine with your sweats and other dirty fluids, the fucking section just get even smoother and hotter. His cock stretching your easier, with you beginning to limb against him.
"Do not." He warned, immediately letting go of your whole body, towering you and spin you around to face him. "Don't you fucking dare pass out of me." He gritted his teeth, shaking you as he grasped your cheeks between his hand as you faced each other. The pure lust and dominance burning in his eyes, even in such a bitchy state you can see it. He's going feral.
Within a flash, he let your face go and bring your legs under his arms before locking them on both side of your ears.
He thrusts back into you in one go, filling you up with his meat stick once again. Earning another annoying sound coming from your mouth.
He continue to fuck you like there's no tomorrow. He is hellbent to remind you, to remind everyone why he isn't just a fucking half-assed king.
Masterlist
#dood writes!#lookism#lookism x reader#jaegyeon na x reader#jaegyeon na#lookism x you#lookism fics#lookism fic#lookism fanfics#lookism imagines#lookism webtoon#lookism manhwa#manhwa#webtoon#my writing#smut#drabbles#fanfics#imagines#fic#x reader#x you#first generation#lookism jaegyeon na
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Daily Enot Day 25: we are so back!
#daily enot#daily enot ships#rw lagspike#rw shipping#rw spearnot#i have no reason for doing lagspike i just felt like it lol#but wawa!!! loved making the designs once again even if i was rushing it a bit#probably going to adapt some of the things i do in these to my own designs or aus#bc the pain of making these ones that i love and then not having reason to use them otherwise is owwwwch
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shipping yhk not in a romantic or platonic way but a secret third way (⬛️⬛️)
#domo rambles#its like. u cant put a label on whatever the fuck is going on between those 3 they make me a little insane#their dynamic is just so insane in the context of the story. but i also need them in a low-stakes high school au#something very cyclical about them. you meet someone and you cant help but love them so much that youd do anything to save them#so you doom the universe and kickstart all the events that brought so much misery and suffering to others just to keep that 1 person alive#bc thats how important they are to you. you pour your soul into writing this story even as you slowly disappear#in the hopes they stay alive. bc they have to survive and you will ensure that#and to do that you create someone who will try again and again to survive at all costs. someone who doesnt givr up#and so the character is born. and you have little recollection of your life before adulthood#but one thing youre sure about is that you will see the end of the scenarios#and then you meet someone who somehow understands what you went thru in a way youve never experienced before#and they shine so brightly likr a star in the night sky you cant help but love them#and so you chase them across worldlines to keep them alive. bc they have to survive. you almost feel like thats your purpose#that you were created for the sole purpose of loving this person and ensuring their survival#and youd doom yourself to keep repeating this life just for the chance to meet that person once more#and then at the center of all this. you see the universe someone created for you and you cant help but love it with your entire being#this was what kept you alive all these years and what kept you from giving up. you dont deserve this salvation#you are rhe reason for the pain and suffering of so many including the one thats kept you alive all these years#you are the reason someone doomed the universe and created something by chipping away at themselves for years#and so to atone for this you would doom yourself to an eternity of loneliness in order to sustain this universe someone created for you#i created this universe for your survival. i was created so you would survive. this universe will survive and i'll doom myself to ensure it#sorry i ended up writing an essay. can you tell im insane about them#orv#orv spoilers#yoohankim#if you read all this im kissing u on the mouth
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after i made the undertale ones i knew i couldn't NOT make matching icons of these 2 aswell...
#mother 3#lucas#claus#mother series#even though there are like 15 ppl active in this fandom ❤️ if nobody uses it can just be me and my sideblog fr🔥🔥#i like these less than the undertale ones maybe bc theyre messierr?? i mean my art is always messy but#idk whenevr i indulge in my special intrrest even literally just drawinf the characters i get this like pain in my chest and like my hands#shake which i knwo is very Not Normal i swear i love it it just makes me feel crazy anxious when i draw with the Intent to post knowing how#so so sensitive i am about it for NO reason im just veruy autistic about this game and have a deep personal connection to it#so anyway the point of that tangent was to say i dont think ill ever make m3 art that ISNT messy bc of thr shaky hands#sorry if you read allat i have a tendency to get too real in the tags#izzy art
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I literally woke up in the middle of the night like God will dark rise is so fucking screwed. The line that’s like. “Everyone wanted to kill the Dark King.” What’s the part where he looks at Violet helplessly, haunted, almost pleading for mercy? But of course he reveals nothing of substance to anyone. Elizabeth is too young to understand but the reader knows what “Her relationship with that boy was…unnatural” can mean. Tying him to bedposts? Failing to strangle him? What else? Never not even once seeing beyond a mythological identity Will himself didn’t know he had? What did he think was the reason? That he was just intrinsically hateful? Of course he says nothing. Of course Violet can’t trust him- he’s given her nothing as painfully real as what she’s given him. So he gives her the sword hoping at least he can die at the hands of someone he loved, but even that doesn’t work out - she gives the sword to a Visander still furious at SARCEAN. The pattern continues; no one looks at Will, who vomits when he realizes what’s happened to James, Will who is much of a liar and killer and sneak as Elizabeth accuses but nonetheless wants to be different. Even when he doesn’t remember his own past. There’s no way out for him that doesn’t hurt. Hope this obsession passes soon given the one and a half years of waiting required for book 3
#dark rise series#dark heir#rarely does a cliffhanger pain me so much#bc rarely am I ever THAT invested in a plot I am sad to say#nona the ninth was so cathartic in of itself I’m content marinating before alecto#BUT PACAT ONLY EVER GIVES EMOTIONAL CRUMBS#have any of these bitches ever known peace fr#maybe this is what reading princes gambit and not immediately having the follow up might’ve been like#honestly it’s possibly damen and Lauren just generally had less problems tho#more than his relationship even with James. will/Violet is perhaps the genuine source of like. I WISH HED GIVEN HER A REASON.#the narration that describes Violet as Will’s star in the night…….. like fuck fine#will can’t reach any level of genuine intimacy with James bc the mess of fraught noncon dynamics is this massive unspoken horrible thing#wills identity is personal w James in a way it is with no one else but James is so fucking oblivious of undercurrents it comes unbalanced#and will knows it. but (as far as we know) violet isn’t reborn has no history with sarcean the dark king she’s literallt just Some Guy#and that almost makes it worse???????? that they are so loyal to each other even as he’s keeping a massive secret?#they weren’t dated or destined to entangle the way will is w characters like James and Katherine#and I think that makes his rship with Violet possibly the realest and truest experience of trust and love will has ever had#like it’s nothing bro. truly she knows nothing about him other than his lies of omission and her faith in him goodness which may or may not#beiltimately justified. but that was probably as honest and close will ever got to anyone. and him to her.
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blamore having to wear things like back-less shirts / lower - cut tops and just items of clothing that will allow him SOME sort of free range of movement for his tail in general + will actually not constrict his rib cage may just make him a fashion icon y'all... sorry, i don't make the rules ( nah i'm just joking around with you guys LOL... mostly )
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#MAN IS BOUND TO LIE ABOUT HIMSELF: headcanons.#and he also wears cut-off shirts that may have like. rips in them or netting in the front of them due to the fact that one of the-#downsides of his transformation that is more like a minor inconvenience than anything is that he can no longer wear a lot of-#materials and so he kinddd of has to either make his own clothes or get a special tailor to make them for him? so yeahhh BUT he can also-#wear like loose clothing if he wants to completely cover up his rib cage for some reason. though no matter what he HAS to have some sort of#free range of movement for his tail bc it gets very irritated and stiff if it's like stuck in one position for too long / bound in some way#so that's why he has a habit of wearing partial / cut-off shirts and stuff bc he values comfort a LOT + this may have some implications-#behind it if/whenever he's imprisoned because you already know most people are NOT going to risk him having even partial rein-#over it's tail so they would make it so that he can't move it and wouldn't give a shit if it was uncomfy / eventually painful for him.#though blamore would CERTAINLY care and at least try to lash out at whoever's keeping him locked up (which coulddd theoretically be-#arkham since they do have special containment cells for those like Killer Croc and Man-Bat) but they would really have to limit his movemen#because trust me when i say if you allow it to still practice it's bone-manipulation then he is going to be planning each and EVERY-#person's decimation who put him there so... yeah. that's lovely ain't it y'all JSJSJ LMAO but again being compassionate towards patients-#/ inmates in arkham is something that DESPERATELY needs to be practiced though it's certainly missing most of the time from-#the place unfortunately.
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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This is technically a Diana's age poll but I framed it partially around Julia's rescue because that's the event I need to contextualize and whether or not Diana is a thing yet is p important for my purposes. I would keep the Pérez run and postcrisis continuity in mind when answering this bc that's when this is relevant but I'd keep in mind that even though Diana is very young there (like early 20s) we don't know I don't think if she ages differently as a child (esp as a themysciran AND being made from clay) and in some versions she is older than she looks and was made earlier
Edit: I accidentally logic-ed this out in the tags lol 🤦♀️but feel free to still vote however you want. Going to publish this anyway bc I think I made some good points later in my tags
#blah#the 45 years is a guesstimation of julias age w her being in her late 40s#bc she has a middle school aged daughter which would make you lean a bit younger but shes also highly respected prof at harvard (is she the#dept head? i think so. and has a career that would suggest older. and shes also drawn middle aged so 🤷♀️#i would say late 40s early 50s for her honestly. but i moved it down a lil bit bc of vanessas age#wait shit i may have contradicted logic here bc wasnt the diana trevor stuff supposed to have happened before dianas birth. and that was#wwii. which would be btwn 42 and 45 years. BC PÉREZ!TREVOR IS OLD I FORGOT THAT#okay so actually there still could be a question of what happened first the timeline would just be much shorter#but then wouldnt julias family be boating during wwii? that makes no sense#im definitely thinkimg too hard about this probably. logically it would make the most sense if diana was like 20smth in reality. but thats#its own basket of worms honestly. like what do you mean hippolyta only had like 20 yrs w her daughter out of a lifespan of thousands of#years. what do you MEAN she became champion and ambassador so young like#like also thats the point though. she had to wear a mask in the challenge for a reason. her inexperience with men is what makes her the kind#of ambassador they need. and her youth and relation to hippolyta and role as the baby of the amazons is one of the things that makes her#ambassadorship SO important is bc she fulfills that role in an ancient sense. where it would be a sign of great trust and respect to send#someone close to the crown as an envoy bc it shows you mean business and arent going to reneg on whatever the deal is. bc if you do they#shoot the messenger#god anyways i very much answered my own question here in the tags like 100%. esp in regards to the pérez canon bc he very much laid this out#and i was trying to weasel my way out of it. only that didnt work and the decisions he made he made for a reason and they have huge#narrative importance. damn. okay then#i always write the shittiest posts and the best tags and then have to keep the post to keep the tags#i rlly need to make these tags posts ugh. anyways keeping this up bc of my tags abt diana and ambassadorship#also sidenote I LOVE HIPPOLYTA#just though id mention that. i love how much shes motivated by love and i also love when she makes fucked up decisions bc of that and has to#live with them. woman of all time FOR REALS#god this is making me want to reread historia again lol bc its the one ww comic i own. also its fire. and hippolyta gets to make shitty#decisions motivated by emotion and live w the consequences. and the comic is actually good unlike when that happened in the messner-loebs#run. which was the other instance of that ive read rlly. 10000% sure there are others but i havent fully gotten there yet.#i mean ive read other comics where she makes painful decisions thats like her whole deal but there are different vibes to those than the two#i mentioned. like the exile thing in ww year 1 or rlly anytime she has to send diana away
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STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️
#purrs#also… im gonna admit it. ive been up for hours cleaning out… my toyhouse accounts. not cleaning them out but cleaning them up. and im so#FUCKING mad at my 18 year old self for giving away characters that meant so much to me to 12 year olds on warriors amino who never finished#their half of the art trade… and now so many of them are like. completely out of my reach and i can never get them back. im trying to ask#for the characters ive been able to find and track them down. which for ppl who actually love and care for them im sure is predatory and#annoying bc it’s like ok you made that choice so live with it. but im so fucking mad at myself and i wish i could undo it. i know it doesn’t#matter bc i don’t do that kind of deviantart stuff anymore but like.. i gave away characters who were so special to me growing up and now so#many of them are like.. on locked / unauthorized toyhouses or deleted or the person already owns them and is never trading them and#imjust so SAD!!!!!! over pixels i know. PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER over pixels. but im so saddddd aughhhhh#delete later#(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff)#also im so sad and angry charahub went down and i didn’t even know it and i can’t access my data at allll like so much precious info#on there is gone forever. pain and suffering. also it’s worth naming im not in this to like have the best most expensive whatever designs im#doing this bc i desperately want to salvage every piece of my childhood / adolescence and never let go of anything in my life ever and when#i was 18 i thought i could run away from deeply permanently hurting and betraying a friend by selling all of my characters starting w the#ones they made me and then branching off into baiscally all of them to not make it look like it was just abt them bc i couldn’t bear to be#reminded of what i had done. and now i live with the consequences. in more ways than just the characters obviously. so there’s that#(i had my reasons for doing what i had to do btw. but i will never stop feeling guilty about it or regretting how it must have felt for them#bc we were like best friends and then i turned cold and awful because i didn’t know how to communicate my needs so instead i just shut them#out and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. and it fucking sucked that i did that. lol)#* and still sucks. and i think abt it all the time and try not to talk about it for a lot of reasons but here i am so. lol
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Working with Leviathan be like
Leviathan: *completely both rewrites a severe trauma trigger back into something neutral and freeing, and further reconnects me to the Sky and myself off plane and pre-incarnation in the space of 24 hours* yeah nice, anyway we should play video games now I'm tired
#~abyssal murmurs#Emphasis on he works over the span of months but he really is a uh... A pool of water that doesn't drip into your mind until you open the#door. And you think you will be drowned when you do but he is so soothing. And he walks with you#And sometimes what he walks you through is really painful and it's like what the actual fuck am I doing but he stays there like#duh it's what I said would happen it's fine trust me#And you do and then it's like. Holy shit. Look what I walked through. Hope you're proud of me#leviathan //#ramblings //#Anyway. Friendship ended with Despise A Certain Game now Ending Of The Game Where She's Soothed And The Rain Fades is my friend#And. I didn't realise how much I'd become afraid to talk about me. I talk about Leviathan all the time as the sky but I don't.... Like#talking about myself as a part of the day sky and what that means. I have. Thanks to him. Had gateways opened to astral memories#that I was too scared to touch and.... I'm.... I think I'm ready to start recorroborating my info between brains in astral and physical#bodies..... I think..... I'm ready I'm... I am So fucking End Of Game Where Rain Fades right now and that makes me want to fucking bawl my#eyes out because a) I wasn't allowed in the cult I was in to go near that part of the game bc they told me the character there was alive and#she hated my guts and thought I was disgusting. And b) god the storyline involving her is just so so so so so relevant to my life post-cult#:( you know. Just :(#Diary //#The child returns to her mother the cycle is done the rain clears the ocean is infinite the workings of the cult I mean church are undone#And that doesn't scare me anymore? The cult was so.... Had me thinking that any time that game was brought up they were in control of it#and they would see me and it was their game and they made it alone and I could never just enjoy it as a video game.... It#Still hurts a little but leviathan walked me through allowing it to be neutral and admitting that I see myself in it. Because I tried my#hardest to not admit that thinking that if I did they'd be in my head but mo#No* it's... Its a communal thing. It's allowed to be relatable to a wide audience for neutral reasons. I don't have to break down when I see#it. And I'm allowed to talk about the Sky and I'm allowed to talk about where and when I met Leviathan and I'm allowed to not hide what I do#with him because others may take it as gross exaggerations for bragging rights - I'm allowed to be neutral. Just because at one point in my#life I thought astral projection was only for a select few does not mean now that I do it I have to hide it in case someone like me#takes their insecurity so far that they see my neutral declarations as an attack on them............. Anyway#The Day Sky. My beloved. You mean so much to me. I won't forget my purpose in this incarnation I will not hide it#Thanks Lev#I love that arguably calling him Lev is more controversial than calling him Tengri but it's Not just a nickname lmfao
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useless complaint post literally you don’t have to bother reading this it will just help me to rant a bit
This is sooooo not a real issue I’m just in the throes of pmdd but like I have a bunch of semi-expected (but way earlier than I’d thought) unemployed time so I’m using its alignment with the warm weather to go backpacking/live out of my car in [nearby national park and national forests] but right now I feel zero enthusiasm and I really hope it’s not gonna suck bc my heart’s not in it…like if I’m kind of doing it out of obligation bc it’s unusual to have such an extended span of time off when you’re an adult, then am I going to have the drive to get thru the parts that suck, like the exhaustion of steep trail days, the days when it storms so hard you have zero dry gear, etc. but really the part that I’m the most trepidatious about is the loneliness. But it’s so weird bc I’m struggling socially here and I really think some extended alone time would help?? But it’s always hard and I don’t want to lololol. Honestly what would help this the most is to just wait until after my fucking period. But as it is right now I feel like I’m just going thru the motions. If I could fucking live in my house for the equivalent amount of time without my social life encroaching I absolutely would but I’m so burnt out from my close friends leaving and from my last dear relationship here being at times really tough (it’s one that feels like my well-being rides on it— when it’s good, I’m on top of the world, when it’s not I’m hurt and confused and crawling out of my own skin). I still have a community here but it feels like it’s my roommates’ world, and I’m a guest whose presence is like…anodyne at best? And I really think I’ve just latched onto the idea of my trip as a vague mental escape hatch and haven’t really grasped the idea of the fact that I’ll still be present in my ailing brain and treacherous body when I go on the trip— I’m not just taking a nap from my (admittedly spoiled little baby) problems. And when I did the same thing for 3 or 4 weeks last summer I was dropped off & picked up, which created a really nice incentive to stay on trail— to leave, I’d have had to somehow communicate & coordinate with the relatives who’d agreed on a set date to come pick me up, i.e. effectively trapping me in the woods so I’d stay when I got all grumpy or sad or began semi-hallucinating human voices or was ready to throw it all away to get my hands on a slice of pepperoni pizza and a big old kombucha lol.
Anyways this is such not a real problem but me ol’ paranoid ass is convinced a whole passel of my irls have this blog’s url so I can’t freely complain about what’s really bothering me, which is that I’m starting to see harbingers of the devastating dissolution of my closest relationship. Or, even worse, my relegation to a much more distant connection. And I’m trying desperately to convince myself I should stay in this fucking town, because I’m suuuuuuuuper prone to just fleeing when I start to feel [inaudible], which is a super unsustainable way to live my life and o know it’s not [city] I’m trying to flee but myself which scientists are telling me I can’t physically do…but is that the truth?? Or is the truth that I actually do need a clean break from [redacted]…or is that just a convenient lie I’m telling myself so I can flee again. Or is THAT a convenient lie I’m telling myself so that I can keep my head in the sand and keep [redacted]. It’s so cool how you can’t trust your own heart and mind and you might just suffer from uncertainty forever and you’ll die chasing happiness with the grass always greener but also like pmdd and I don’t really want to go on this trip but I think I must. I think…
#like. even this trip itself is evidence that my nature is just a fucking flee-er.#and I think I’d settle for love but like that would require someone to love me. lol#and I’ve got some semblance of it here but it’s not enough and it’s very fucking painful. like what happens if the strongest ties you may#ever render are just enough. bc you’re not enough. lol#also I think I have to leave when I said I’d leave bc my internal shameometer prevents me from telling my male roommate I’m staying#solely to use the toilet during um well you know.#and also the more I come to terms with the fact that I’m almost definitely autistic the more I really can see how much masking fucking#drains me.#and the friends who left were the ones around whom I didn’t really feel the need to mask. but these social things the past few weeks have#fucking walloped me and I’m just :-( ;-( :-(#oops did not mean to make him wink.#and it just feels like the rest of my life is going to be a cycle of masking for long enough that someone likes me. and then being#abandoned by them for romantic relationships or some geographical distance reason or like ummm fucking liability by lorde reasons#ugsjkskwnenwjsmz :-( :-/
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I would absolutely carry you in my arms all day!! I would carry you around like my sweet little baby while I cook you food!! Waffles, pancakes, or both????
also I never want to see, hear, or hear rumors about you disliking anything about your appearance, baby, not your voice either, you are the most beautiful thing on this planet and I am systematically electrocuting everyone in my way of having you
with the only romantic love you ever need - Yoomtah
AWAAAAAAAAAAAAA BUT WHAT IF I WANNA CARRY U AROUND AND MAKE FOOD FOR U TOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AND WHAT IF Y O U ARE ACTUALLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ON THE PLANET U ARE LITERALLY THE CUTEST THING PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE OK<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3<<3<3<3<4<4<3<<3
#and i suppose.i will TRY to like my voice if u want me to.#but u have to clap and cheer like crazy every time i sing something for me to believe it >:(#UUEEUUEEUEUEUUEEUEU...................YOOMTAH MY BELOVED#I THINK SHE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO ZAP ANYONE SHE FEELS IS A THREAT AT ALL.REAL#AND I WOULD THINK ITS CUTE OF HER AND KISS HER ADORABLE FACE ABT IT#YOOMTAH MY BELOVED EVER.IM STILL TIRED FOR SOMR REASON I DONT HAVE WORD IN MY BRAIN SCREAMS#I WANT TO SQUEEZE HER SO TIGHT AND KISS HER 2848493759958284958828384 TIMES AND NEVER LET HER GO EVER EVER EVER#I JUST WENT THROUGH THE PAIN OF CROPPING/EDITING SHIP ART TO MAKE IT JUST HER BUT READING CUTE YOOMTAH ASK MAKES ME BRAIN FEEL BETTER#IF ONLY OTHER SHIPS WITH HER DIDNT EXIST AT ALL.HONESTLY#BUT ALAS 99% OF THE CONTENT IN HER TAG NOW IS HER X [DEAD TO ME] AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO DESTROY EVERYTHING I SEE#BUT I AM HER ONE AND ONLY LOVE RIGHT.IM THE ONLY ONE SHE NEEDS AND LOVES BC I AM SO MUCH BETTER FOR HER THAN HIM RIGHT.#I LOVE HER MORE THAN HE OR ANYONE ELSE EVER COULD IM THE ONLY ONE WHO NEEDS HER THE WAY I DO#HONESTLY NO ONE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SHIP HER WITH ANYONE OTHER THAN ME.BECAUSE SHES MINE.#MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE M I N E❤️💓🌻💗🧡🌠🩵💫🩵❤️🩹⚠️💗🏵❤️🩹🌠❤️🔥💕🌩💋💘⚡️🍋🎉🎆💛💖🌟💞💍💙💗👩❤️💋👩💋🩷🖤💓🌼✨#SHES ALL MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MINE FOREVER AND EVER NO ONE ELSES JUST MINE ONLY MINE SHE BELONGS TO ME AND ONLY ME#FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER#SHES M I N E !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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i wonder if i'm treating it so much like a joke that i'm not getting across that i think Zato's character arc should be that he's homophobic, or at least he was acting in a homophobic way. I'm saying this based upon how he conducts himself around the other two, how repressed Venom is, how Millia and Venom grew so apart and hostile that they were only able to see each other as opponents, how he fixates on maintaining his relationship to Millia and yet assumes that their bond will remain unbroken until he can't deny that Millia has genuinely abandoned him, and then when he comes back from the dead he just bounces right back into the denial stage. I think the relationship between these three has been strained and torn because Zato was wary of Venom getting too close to himself (and thereby make Zato look gay) and Millia (and thereby make Zato look like a cuck).
But Like,,, obviously they won't put a character beat like that in Strive, right? this is just what I'm gleaning from how they've acted up until now. Interested to see how Venom's addition will change this weird notion of mine, if Zato's a part of it at all.
#guilt gear#reasons why these three do NOT have throuple energy despite the tension being so clear and painful#would it have been better if zato had let venom in? i'd wager not!#both because i dont like how zato was canonically treating millia (i think she should have stabbed him sooner)#and also it'd be less interesting for their characterizations and stories.#i dont think i would have fixated on venom if he didnt have this period of unrequited yearning?#even if zato actually liked him back all along the fact that zato didnt say it shows that zato is under pressure to present as straight#also i really do think zato loved millia. he just went about showing that love in the wrong ways at the wrong times#i think millia fell out of love with zato. i think the series is trying to say that she fell back in love with him. i dont think she has.#i think shes desperately clawing for a place to belong & one of the places she used to feel welcomed was in zato's arms#i'd call it misplaced nostalgia or an unhealthy coping mechanism but idk if that's being too condescending to her character#i think the only reason why millia and venom would ever make peace is if they recognised that they grew apart bc of zato#they have been trying to kill each other yknow? to the point where they succeeded in some endings. how do you ever come back from that?
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@ everyone telling me in the notes and in my inbox that art just "isnt my thing" or maybe i just dont love what im making enough. these tags really express how i feel
"immoral" "self-destructive" opinion or whatever but making art for no one fucking sucks shit
#also itd be great if you guys could stop coming into my inbox and telling me im a depressed loser or that im entitled#like just as a side note. itd be nice if that could stop.#honestly i could get into how insulting it is to have someone tell me maybe this thing ive devoted my life to just “isnt my thing”#but i wont bc i get where theyre coming from.#i really did used to love art for arts sake#back when i wasnt ground into dust by making it my career and back before i lost all of my irl communities#back before finding the niche community in rral life that would value MY art and stories became a matter of luck#and i guess some of you are right. i could go outside more.#but you have to understand thats not as simple as it sounds... for 450 reasons#chronic pain isolated communities rural areas fear of persecution for looking gay or trans lack of money time energy the list goes on.#these are all part of the system that i mention in this post.#sigh#even if you still disagree#i love you anyway. please keep making art. please keep loving art.#unless youre one of the ones who called me mean names lol in that case i dont love you.#txt
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I hate a bitch who goes into a fandom or themed tag/tags things with that fandom or theme just to criticize and bitch about it? Or call it boring and make people feel guilty about it? Like literally do something better with your life. I don't go in my tags for you to shit all over something that I have a relatability to or connection with. Like you 100% have the right to criticize it and even feel repulsed by it, but Tag your shit anti-(insert theme) and hang out with your own group. This isn't twitter.
#like I did not go into the LAC tag to hear you say you hate villians or characters who can do stuff like that#i went there to express my personal traumas and find a symbolism and representation to my experience with cptsd#or that they're vile and that people who are innately good are completely better and you only care about them#news flash in some peoples world nobody is innately good#we're fighting with pain and trying to find a comfortable reason that the world tore us to shreds. one that isn't worthlessness.#we're trying to see love#immediately blocked#why r u here#like u really just went in there to say "opposite of you/your interests are better” urs should not exist bc bad and make us feel ashamed#we know this#our life has taught us nothing but this and this was supposed to bring us comfort#this obviously doesn't apply to people ruining a space/tag that is actually support harming people/being predatory irl.#blow those places to smithereens#but I really think its okay to see a lil bit of ourselves in fiction. For a lot of us we are impacted by traumas and human monsters#there's something to be said for villians or 'bad people' we can love at a distance without them actually harming us.#when we've been shrunken and ripped away from love by those creatures irl#we can still love them and they can't hurt us for that like real people have.#opinions
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big sister - hyun ju
summary; a big sister will always protect, but when will she be able to relax?
genre/extra tags; one shot, found family, fluff, hurt/comfort?, canon typical violence, i dont like the second season writing, but i can not deny myself this diva, that's mother !!, teen! reader, hyun ju is the only reason i decided to watch this season, slight canon divergence bc i have the mind of a goldfish, canon typical sad heavy conversations, big sister is written to be seen as the korean honorific "unnie", older sister moments written in the point of view of a younger sibling, unintentional love letter for my appreciation to my sister, reader is implied to be some form of lgbt but not out (im projecting)
[platonic] [gender-neutral reader]
[warning; mentions of transphobic ideas]
a/n; before people ask, no, im not doing requests for this show. i just don't feel fully comfortable writing for squid game. i just really wanted to write this because, believe it or not, i write for my enjoyment. even i do switch off here every few months or every other month.
dinner had rolled around after an intense "game" of life or death. how you managed to survive this long is beyond you. but you might have a strong idea of why you're living so long, and it was the strong woman who was sitting beside you with some of the other women who were surviving so far.
the old lady had pointed out that hyun ju was not like other people. and it really was odd to her. but hyun ju was used to that. more than used to it. she lived through it since she decided to come out.
you listen to the conversation, not really putting your two cents in as it seemed like there was no right time to butt in. but as the conversation continued, the mood was just a little lighter. and that was more than enough morale. the old lady seemed to slowly understand hyun ju and her struggle.
you've zoned out so much, you almost fail to notice hyun ju sneaking an egg onto your shabby given lunch box meal. you look up at her as she gives you a warm look before pretending that she didn't just do that.
you mix the rice with not much thought, spilling some bits of rice and egg over its metal container before you slowly eat. unbeknownst to you, hyun ju glances back at you as if to make sure you're actually eating and not staring off with a tired look that no teen or child should have. you've seen everything, you're part of this sick game, she may not know your story, but she knows you don't deserve any of the bad you've been through.
you're the youngest in the entire room, a room filled with people with insurmountable debt and issues. hyun ju can only imagine your worry, your anxiety, the burden.
when the first game got serious, you were trying your damned hardest to keep your fear contained under the watchful eye of that robot scanning every movement. she was right in front of you, keeping you safe along with the rest of the people who lined up with her. you look like you wanted to cry the moment you got to the finish line. if she wasn't full of adrenaline at the time, she probably would've heard how hard your heart was beating.
somehow, she had taken two people under her care. you and young-mi. how could she not care about a young woman like young-mi and a teen like yourself? two anxious people forced to live a life full of debt and pain when you both deserved nothing but comfort and love.
people start lining up in their beds for nighttime. gi-hun was very insistent on being careful at night. it was dangerous. some people were not behind just killing others at night to sweeten the pot of money that loomed over everyone's head like a golden sun.
as most of the adults started to climb in their beds, you stand awkwardly. you weren't a stranger to sleeping a room full of people, but you were definitely a little paranoid after what gi-hun was talking about.
you find yourself naturally gravitating to hyun ju. her presence was just so calming, and she was so caring for others. it was hard not to get attached. young-mi had taken to calling her big sister. and you found yourself doing the same when you call out to her softly.
"big sister?" you gently tap at her arm as she turns to look at you. she silently urges you to continue speaking with a gentle look. you can see the tired in her eyes, but she looks at you, unwilling to say no. "this is embarrassing..." you mutter.
"it's okay. i'm here." she reassures you.
"can i stay with you tonight? i'm-" you choke a little bit on your words, not only out of embarrassment but fear. "i'm really scared. i don't wanna be alone." you confess.
she softens, "i would love to let you, but it's too risky. if people come for us, it would be very hard to fight back. i'm so sorry, kid." she opens her arm out for a hug, and you take the comfort you can get in this shitty place. "i will do my best to keep you safe, alright? when we get out of here, i'm going to find you again, and we can help each other, yeah? i'll protect you."
you nodded with her words, not finding the heart to say anything. she takes this as a sign to start guiding you into your bunk bed on top. at least the top bunks would be somewhat safer for you. you hesitantly climb into bed. "if a fight breaks out, hide. run. just be safe. i will find you, and you'll be safe." she continues to reassure you the best she can.
"okay. goodnight big sister." you whispered. "please be safe."
"i will." she said with a calm confidence that only she could pull off that didn't make you feel worried for her.
you hope that you get out of here, so you don't have to see the worried exhaustion in her eyes anymore.
she was a big sister by heart and soul. you just hoped her big heart wouldn't lead her to her doom. she protects and gives, but when will she relax?
#squid game x reader#squid game#cho hyunju#cho hyunju x reader#squid game season 2#squid game season 2 x reader#hyunju x reader#hyun ju x reader
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