#bc someone (a local) had told them that. that local wanted that person to be poisoned so badly😭😭😭

[pretty-circa006]

Unhealthy Attachments pt.1

Coach! Negan x Student! F! Reader

summary Negan, your gym coach, takes pity on you after seeing the way your peers treat you. tags mentions of bullying/ mild bullying, second person pov (sorry lol this is old pls forgive me) note this is an old WIP that i'm choosing to post because i haven't had time to write anything new (I WILL EVENTUALLY, I PROMISE, BUT COLLEGE IS DRAINING MY FREE TIME). this is part one of a multi-part series, maybe it'll even evolve into a longfic, who knows. btw you guys will have to pry coach negan x student reader fics from my cold dead hands bc i loooove writing these.

wc 1.3k

*you are responsible for your own content consumption. if this is something you DO NOT like, simply DO NOT read or interact! :) *

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆ 

You stood lined up with the other students in your PE class, waiting to be chosen by the team captains for this class' soccer game. It didn't even phase you how every other student was picked before you, leaving you the last one standing until one unlucky captain had to pick you. That's just how things went, you were always the odd one out. Even now, everyone wore the usual school issued PE uniform of a t-shirt and shorts, while you had on the sweater and sweatpants version- in ninety degree weather. You were just honoring your father's, the town's local pastor, principles of modesty. Being the pastor's daughter felt isolating. Nobody invited you to things or wanted to be friends with you for fear that the indecencies of their typical teenage behavior would get back to their parents by way of the pastor; and of course he'd get that information from none other than you, his daughter. You never would, though. In middle school, you learned the hard way to not be such a narc, but by then it was too late and nobody trusted you or even wanted to be near you. 

 "Over here!" you shouted to your teammates, wanting them to pass you the ball. You had a perfect shot to the other team's goal. Like always, they ignored you, but it didn't matter because they scored anyway. You didn't give up on trying to be a team player, though. The gym coach, Negan, was watching the game closely and you wanted him to see that you cared and tried to put effort into his class. Maybe it was because he was the only person who ever paid you any attention, but the fear of letting the handsome man down weighed heavily on you. 

"Guys, I'm open!" you yelled. Your desperation to be a part of things was becoming so pathetic that Negan had to direct his focus elsewhere. Maybe it was by mistake, but the ball came rolling your way. Hope blossomed within you. It sounded silly, but you hoped that even something as little as you scoring a goal would make your class like you again. You kicked the ball, sending it flying to the opposing team's goal. It would have made it in if someone didn't intercept- someone from your own team, you notice- and kick it directly at you. You didn't have time to dodge it because it had already smacked you square in the face, knocking you over. You clutched your nose as you writhed on the floor in pain, salt being rubbed even further into your wound by the snickers of your classmates. 

 Negan blew his whistle and called a foul. He profanely scolded the students about their bad sportsmanship and lectured  them on treating their teammates fairly. He helped you up off the floor and led you to his office with an arm wrapped around your shoulder. You sat in one of the chairs with your nose plugged up with tissues per Negan's orders after it started bleeding. It didn't seem broken, so he didn't deem your injury bad enough to send you to the nurse. 

"You can go back now," he told you once fresh blood stopped flowing from your nose between tissue changes. 

"Do I have to?" you asked with teary eyes. You were tired of all the bullying and just ready to graduate already. Your senior year was almost over and you were legally an adult, so why did you still have to put up with everyone else's childish behavior.

"You're all healed up. Don't see why you needa be in here any longer." It was obvious that he wanted you out of his office, probably feeling the same way your classmates felt about you. It shouldn't have surprised you, yet it stabbed you in the heart.  Your chin and lips quivered as you blinked back the tears burning in your eyes. 

"C-can I just stay in here?" you cringed at the way your voice cracked. He rolled his eyes and sighed. 

"Just because your sucky ass team is losing doesn't mean you can hide out here and skip class." 

"That's not why!" you pleaded. 

"Then why?" he asked. 

"Everybody hates me!" You couldn't keep it together after finally saying it out loud. You sobbed like a baby, tears streaming down your face and snot dripping from your nose. You were ugly crying but you didn't even care, it wasn't like you had anyone else's respect to lose. Negan got up and closed the door in an attempt to save you some dignity. Your breathing became short and rapid as your bawling made it difficult to take in oxygen. 

"Teenagers are so goddamn hormonal and dramatic. Nobody hates you, kid," he said disinterested. 

"E-even you d-d-do!" you choked out before going back to wailing. He felt bad for you. He saw the way others treated you and it made him feel worse seeing you long for the acceptance of people who rejected you and took pleasure in your pain. But that's high school for you.

"What makes you think I hate you?" he asked, genuinely curious. He didn't hate you, not even close. He just couldn't stand seeing you walking around like a kicked puppy-dog, it was pitiful. You tried to explain your reasoning, but everything that came out of your mouth was an incoherent blubbering, stuttering, and hyperventilating. He pulled you up from the chair and cradled you in his chest, just letting you sob into his sweater. He hushed you and rubbed your back in soothing circles. It was the best he could do, he knew his words sure as hell couldn't offer the comfort he wanted to give you. Your sobbing eventually calmed into small hiccups and occasional sniffles. 

"Why does everyone hate me?" you whispered. He wanted to tell you that they didn't and that's just how high schoolers are, but he didn't want to lie to you. 

"You're almost outta this goddamn shit hole, kid. Jus' keep your head held up high and finish the year off strong." He clapped a strong hand on your shoulder for added reassurance. You gave him a small smile before trudging out of his classroom and to the locker room now that the class was over.

...  

 Negan comforting you in his office that day made you feel like he was a safe space. He seemed to be the only person who cared, or bothered to do anything about how others treated you, even if it was just the bare minimum, you felt it was better than nothing. 

"Coach," you muttered shyly, standing outside his open office door in the gym. He glanced up at you from whatever work he was doing and immediately sighed. It was a miracle to him that you were oblivious as to why people bullied you. Here you were, dressed so matronly in a long floral skirt that resembled an old woman’s wallpaper and an awful knitted sweater. He knew you were a pastor’s daughter, but did you really need to dress the part. 

��What do you need, kid?” He asked, focusing on his work again. “Can I eat lunch in here?” 

“Why? The bathroom crowded or somethin’?” He joked. When you nodded your head yes, he immediately felt guilty. He motioned with his hand for you to sit in one of the chairs before his desk. You happily took a seat before offering him half of your sandwich. 

“It’s turkey,” you said when he looked at you strangely. He accepted the half and ate it while he worked and you sat in silence enjoying the change of scenery. 

“You don’t actually eat lunch in the bathroom, do you?” He asked. 

“There’s nowhere else for me to sit,” you admitted shamefully. 

“That is  fuckin’ disgusting!” You shrugged your shoulders and went back to your sandwich, embarrassed to let Negan see how pathetic your life really was. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. 

“Look, if you have nowhere else to sit, you can eat lunch in here.” You visibly perked up, a your face splitting into a joyous smile. 

“Really?” 

“Don’t make me fuckin’ regret it.”

next part ▶︎

[44-lost-at-sea-ucjau-44]

Hey, for all you Chonny MaJash fans that headcanon Heart as photophobic, I thought I'd make this post as someone with chronic photophobia that's like actually bad enough that it's considered a disability on like. Advice on how to write/portray photophobia and whatnot

I'd appreciate it if you reblogged this 🙏 it's a pretty easy disability to get right and most of you definitely do but… not all of you

If you can just reblogging this for any character with photophobia is good! 👍 that can be useful for peoples as there's like a stunning lack of information on this out there

First off, disclaimer:

There is literally NOTHING wrong with making like, supernatural or animalistic photophobia. Can't do light cos you're a shadow creature? Cool. Can't look at like bc you're an olm with sensitive eyes-under-skin? Awesome.

Photophobia is much more commonly a symptom than a full-on condition but like… as a photophobic person I remember discovering the name of the thingy from clucking Plague Inc. Necroa Virus from some miracle and having to wear sunglasses for my eyes

And then I got my hands on a pair and was saying how happy I was and then this CUCK named Ryan Mackin (dumb name btw) in sixth grade told me "or you just wanna look cool" bc people don't commonly associate sunglasses with conditions and I felt stupid and didn't wear them until eleventh grade

I'm an adult now and sunglasses REALLY do help 👍 I gots all kinds of cool pairs and I look snazzy wherever I go but I HAVE dealt with ableism you wouldn't realise people have over just light-sensitivity. And like, my mother (whom I most likely got it from) has it too but actually didn't believe me for the longest time bc of her own internalised ableism and I even remember finding a kid on Discord who had it too and had ZERO idea that it was an actual condition bc there's legit NO representation out there nor is it ever commonly-talked about

So just. If you can, which you don't have to obv I literally do not and will not judge at all as a photophobic person, portraying realistic photophobia can teach someone out there like little sixth-grade AXYER with vampire eyes (as I like to call them) that it's a thing and they can get treatment for it

TREATMENT: As previously mentioned, sunglasses are your best bet if you cannot see an eye doctor. Even just local Walmart glasses section sunglasses can go a long way, it's really not that hard to treat photophobia (which is, again, why it's so surprising that people can be so ableist). A lot of people make Heart use a blindfold for the photophobia alone which is a bit overkill considering even in really severe cases of photophobia you don't normally need to be FULL-ON blindfolded to treat it. Normally, just a pair of good shades can do the trick and staying in dark/dim rooms.

From my experience, the longer you're in a bright room the more your eyes will begin to get this "stale" feeling and they'll start to sting and eventually feel like they're burning slightly, especially when you close your eyes. Ya gonna wanna be in dark/dim rooms for as much as possible, they can even cause headaches if you're around brightness too long

Yes this includes phone screens. Yes this includes laptop screens. Anyone who can consistently have their screens on high or sometimes even medium brightness probably does not have chronic photophobia

Prescription sunglasses are a thing and are generally what an eye doctor will give ya. Generally you'll get glasses that can transition from shaded to normal and generally you'll have to pay a pretty penny for it. A lotta photophobic folks actually won't even get them and will just stick with normal sunglasses, simply cos it's cheaper and not much less effective

If you want a photophobia-accurate Heart, give that girly some shades (or a visor! They make visor-sunglasses, it's what I use for Heart cosplay)

ABLEISM: That's right, ableism section in big bold letter, we get a LOT of it in small ways. Def not nearly as bad as say, wheelchair-users or cane-users, but we nonetheless get it pretty darn bad at times

I get that most people with CCCC AUs don't have Heart exist in da physical world, with real, talking breathing human beings, but if you do this part'll be useful. Or if you just want Mind to be ableist in his hatred towards Heart. I mean, it wouldn't be inaccurate, it's said that Heart "[struggles just to stand]" and Mind calls him weak all the time as an insult. He even meant that insultingly! So ya maybe you could use dis for dat

I've had people wonder why I wear sunglasses a lot and usually I'm happy to answer and they're happy to understand, but I've heard people be really condescending about it before. Things like "do you tilt your head up because you can't see out of those things" no, I tilt my head up because sometimes I want a better look at something and they're still tinted. "Can you not wear those in-class, they're really distracting" I'd love to not, believe me. "You can't wear them bc then everyone would be allowed to wear them" Is everyone disabled? "Or you just want to look cool." Shut up, Ryan.

In da workforce they are also rather brutal about it tbh. I didn't have a doctor's note at my first like actual job so they wouldn't let me which is pretty fair as people would definitely lie about having photophobia just so they get to wear shades everywhere but I think the lying is part of the problem.

Photophobia's a really easy condition to fake and it doesn't help that you can just pull the "eye doctor didn't believe me" card and it really sucks. Please don't fake photophobia if you can; we're already hardly represented and it really puts us in an insanely bad spot if you do that. Most places allow you to wear sunglasses and it like isn't even that interesting of a condition to fake. Don't assume anyone is faking photophobia, for obvious reasons, that doesn't help either; we're just gonna have to go with the honour system and hope no one's scummy enough to do that.

Anyway, Heart's probably been told at least a few times that he can just deal with it and that he's overreacting. That's a common one too.

SMALL DETAILS: Just some small stuff about my personal experience that I thought wouldn't hurt to share

-My brightness on EVERYTHING is always all the way down, or close to it

-I own like, fifty pairs of sunglasses; lots of weird ones also

-I never have the light on in my room unless I have to show someone something; for light I have a space projector, as I can't be in total darkness for another unrelated (non-physical) disability

-Flashlights are my enemy. I will get actively fuming with someone if they aren't careful with one around me

-I won't scream bloody murder if light gets in my eyes but it is pretty funny to shout "MY EYES!!!" and/or "OH MY POOR BABY VAMPIRE EYES!!!"

-I don't know for certain but I feel like migraine photophobia is exemplified if you already have it

-It's pretty common to only wear the sunglasses/use the tinted mode of glasses when you need to. They do still obscure your vision pretty badly and you wouldn't wanna wear them if the room IS dim enough that you don't have to, as it makes dim phone screens, words on paper/books, people's faces, room-navigating and people's gesturing very difficult to see

-Photophobia is a VERY diverse condition. You can have extremely severe photophobia where you're literally considered legally blind and cannot do anything involving sight p much or you can have very mild where you kinda just can't be in very bright rooms. It's a spectrum

-People with lighter eyes are significantly more likely to get photophobia than people with darker eyes. If you want an accurate Heart, giving him blue eyes or even white eyes would probably be a little bit more accurate

-Having a medical card is useful if a place tries to stop you from wearing sunglasses

-Idk about every photophobic individual but I actually actively remove my sunglasses to get a better look at something or enjoy a nice view

-Also, I usually don't wear them at home bc my family keeps the home dim. Photophobic people will tend to have dark/dim rooms or households if they can

-There are good days and there are bad days. Sometimes you don't even need the glasses (not that you'd wanna test it) meanwhile other days it feels like your eyes got licked by a solar flare from looking at a lamp post

-In my experience, ironically enough, daylight doesn't really hurt my eyes that much. May be different for other people tho

Anyway that's my two cents. Hope it means anything to anyone and if you are ALSO photophobic pls do add your own information <3 again you do not have to make biblically accurate photophobic Heart but it can be really really helpful for photophobic folks who don't even realise something's wrong

Peace ✌️

[ghostchems]

masterlist

ONGOING

infernal | nsfw | parts: one/two/three/four/five/six/seven/eight | ao3 link

papa emeritus iii x fem reader Terzo is serving a death sentence. It isn’t like he had much of a choice. He remembers the game night clearly. The typical arguments and accusations of cheating had subsided and it was a rare moment of fun and relaxation with his brothers. The next thing he remembers is waking up on a gurney and gasping for air. They told him his brothers were dead. They told him they had removed his head for a photoshoot and then reattached it again. They gave him a choice: die now or take their money and never speak to them again.

lovers led astray | nsfw | parts: one / two | ao3 link

cardinal copia x fem reader - upior sequel much has changed within the ministry since the dust settled. you're stuck in a position you never wanted - the chosen lover of the cardinal, the heir apparent, as well as the secretary for the ministry's budding satanic education program. despite your life having more meaning that it ever has, you're still flooded with memories of the before times.

phantom of the paradise | eventual nsfw | parts: one | ao3 link

papa emeritus iv x fem reader you go to a special screening of “phantom of the paradise” and end up being taken with the strange man who introduces the film

sacred blasphemy | eventual nsfw | parts: one | ao3 link

catholic priest!copia x fem original character in another world, copia has become a catholic priest after being drawn to it during his childhood in an orphanage. he is content with his life, finally feeling grounded and like he belongs -- until a new face in his flock captures his attention.

COMPLETED

*the titles link to the tumblr post. ao3 links included for all! for fics with multiple parts, i linked the last part bc i am lazy :) there are no tumblr links for burn with me because its an ~ao3 exclusive~ (i stopped consistently posting the chapters on tumblr the longer it went dhdjsjsj)

papa emeritus iii

cirice | nsfw | ao3 link

you are searching for inspiration at the site of a local urban legend but something beckons to you

kazoo comfort | sfw | ao3 link

you take a break from your daily duties to clear your head when you run into a cozy-looking retired papa

the rose | sfw | ao3 link

terzo reminisces about simpler times

upiór | nsfw | ao3 link

upiór (n.) - a person cursed before death, a person who died suddenly, or someone whose corpse was desecrated

the wedding guest | nsfw | ao3 link

you have just gotten over a break-up and attend a wedding of a friend alone. a man with face paint distracts you from the festivities

the cardinal’s cure | nsfw | ao3 link

cardinal terzo notices you seem a bit stressed and he has perfect solution

gloves | nsfw | ao3 link

you are the resident glove maker at the abbey and cardinal terzo comes to you with a curious request.

you drive me (crazy) | nsfw | ao3 link

the prompt: Now that Terzo has retired he has to take driving lessons because Imperator won't let any of the ghouls drive him around anymore. Reader is hired to teach him but what happens when love (or just sex) gets in the way of his lessons?

a man after midnight | nsfw | ao3 link

the prompt: looking at the mirror but the reflection isn't. looking. at. you.

the phantom touch | nsfw | ao3 link

when copia is gone, the phantom comes out to play.

the dressing room | nsfw | ao3 link

the last show of the popestar tour has concluded with Papa being dragged off stage. your task is to keep him occupied in his dressing room

smoke break | sfw | ao3 link

you find solace and a private place to smoke when you are caught by the new papa.

cardinal copia

burn with me | nsfw | ao3 link

It’s been a long time since Copia has been able to play with his food.

restroom detour | nsfw | ao3 link

you're out with your friends at the new local hot spot: the pinnacle lounge. a trip to find the bathroom has you stumbling into something not for your eyes.

road rage | nsfw | ao3 link

as copia's assistant, you've found a nonconventional way to keep your boss calm.

oops | nsfw | ao3 link

copia makes a mistake while summoning a new ghoul.

upiór | nsfw | ao3 link

upiór (n.) - a person cursed before death, a person who died suddenly, or someone whose corpse was desecrated.

devotion | nsfw | ao3 link

the cardinal™️ doesn’t feel that you’ve been a good little sinner lately.

boys suck | nsfw | ao3 link

dracopia with the prompts: that gut feeling something is following you & having blood smeared all over you

the cream in cardinal copia's coffee | nsfw | ao3 link

you are blessed with the task of making the new cardinal his coffee each morning and on your first day, you forget the evaporated milk.

papa emeritus iv

the sads | sfw | ao3 link

you've fallen behind on your classes at the ministry because of an episode of the sads.

somethin’ spooky | nsfw | ao3 link

you've secured an invite to an exclusive party at a satanic church only to end up being underwhelmed by the lack of "spooky".

have some sympathy and some taste | nsfw | ao3 link

you become charmed by a spooky live performance at a bar you wandered into.

wrong place, right time | nsfw | ao3 link

you work at a local concert venue, specializing in requests from the music acts. one request and one warning slips your mind.

on leather wings | nsfw | ao3 link

copia surprises you with a spooky weekend getaway, culminating in some winged bedroom time

longing | nsfw | ao3 link

at a certain moment during a performance, copia thinks of you.

papa emeritus ii

la bella luna | nsfw | ao3 link

after a disappointing evening, you run into a mysterious man on the street.

the devil’s damsel | nsfw: non-con | parts: one/two/three/four | ao3 link

papa emeritus ii x fem reader after one mistake, you end up in the belly of the beast

cemetery stroll | nsfw | parts: one/two | ao3 link

papa emeritus ii x fem reader a creature interrupts your evening walk through the abbey cemetery.

mary goore

baptized in blood | nsfw | ao3 link

you will never forget the day Mary Goore rolled into town.

silco

thief | nsfw| ao3 link

desperate for shimmer, you steal some from the last drop and make your escape

raphael

bad idea right? | nsfw | parts: one/two/three | ao3 link

raphael x fem tav your companions have made their stance on making a deal with a devil clear but as the stakes of your quest grow you aren't so certain

[melodic-haze]

First off, congrats on being able to open up your request box again. In honor of that, I have a very personal request for you; Natasha. Just Natasha.

Just kiddin, I was thinking of the stereotype trope of: main character has a scary resting face but is actually just a nice person. Where reader has one mean bitch face and unnatural eyes that just brings fear sorta like Arlecchinos. This causes reader to get into fights constantly and needing to go to the only person that isn't scared of reader, Natasha. Always taking care of reader with her gentle smile, while wrapping the bandages of the people who started the fight a bit too tight for ones comfort. Reader slowly starts falling for Natasha and promises to help Natasha in anyway they could. Weather that be helping patients, managing the local kids when she can't, or even protecting her and her clinic. Anything to repay the kindness she has given them.

Have I ever told you I love Natasha? Yes? Well then you get to see it again. I love this women and would kill for her.

-🍎(I probably don't even need this for this one)

☆ — DEMO TRACK: Natasha x Reader

☆ — TYPE: SFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Mentions of violence

☆ — NOTES: opened my req box but I didn't end up answering them until like idk months later LMAAIOAAOO but anyway idk dude I think you gotta prove you love Natasha idk I just can't tell like at all 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

It's a hard life, when you're unlucky enough to strike fear in the hearts of those around you DESPITE the fact that you want the complete opposite effect. Perhaps you jsut wanted to pay for some nice looking handmade phone case being sold at the street and instead the people audibly gulp and say that you can keep it just don't hurt me--

Needless to say, it's inconvenient

Yeah perhaps you just have a naturally mean-looking face, or maybe you're scarred for one reason or other. Your eyes are unnatural—freakish, even—and with how Jarilo-VI hasn't necessarily received a surplus of otherworldly visitors due to the otherwise uninhabitable climate, not a lot of people are gonna really.. welcome such an intimidating appearance with open arms 😓

People shy away from you because they're scared that you're going to fight them, and then there are some loons that approach you bc they DO want to fight you. This ends in two ways; either you know how to fight back to support your appearance and you beat their asses (which doesn't really bode well for your already kinda negative reputation) OR you DON'T know how to fight and you end up getting your ass beat

And so what do you do if you feel like you've been dropped down to the seventh layer of hell? You go to Natasha's clinic!!! Oh, but with your bruises and cuts and your natural look that has people running at the sight of you, your presence may not be appreciated in what people may consider a safe space (hypocrites, all of them really LOL). But that's okay!!

After the long day you've had and the thorough beatdown you've gained, you willed yourself to limp back home. Passing out on the street was not an option, and neither was going to a place where most people had often rested and had their wounds tended to.

In hindsight, it was probably better to bear the scrutiny and get yourself nursed back to health, but despite having dealt with it for the past several years you've been percieved as the lone boogeyman that terrorised the streets, you weren't willing to face any more today.

Unfortunately, however, your legs lose their stability and your body falls out of balance. And with you fighting unconsciousness, perhaps due to a concussion that you couldn't care less about, there was no hope on being able to--

But you feel someone hold your falling body, their grip soft yet undeniably strong. Consequently, however, that startles you awake and alarmed.. which also ends up with you falling on the ground from pushing the person away, albeit with a softer landing due to the interrupted fall.

"Oh! My apologies for giving you a scare, dear."

"Wha..?"

You look up and you see the Underworld's most trusted doctor, Natasha. But her presence is what doesn't catch your eye, not specifically.

It's the way her eyes look at you unblinkingly, as if you were a person with no societal defects whatsoever.

You had to look away.

"You seem to be in such a state," she gently chided as she bent down with her eyes inspecting not your face or your unnatural eyes or anything that may seem out of the ordinary, but rather the dozen injuries that litter your body from the beatdown you recieved, "times like these are when I would personally advise you to see a doctor, you know."

While her words are sensible, you can't help but shake your head, "And risk getting turned away? No thanks."

"I don't recall ever turning you away throughout this very interaction."

You look back at her, and you see soft magenta eyes staring unflinchingly at you with her hand outstretched. And for the sake of that sick, tentative curiosity in your head, you look back at her with your 'cursed' gaze in an attempt to see if she, too, felt a lick of fear and panic at the sight of you.

"You still could. You could turn around and run back to your clinic now—fat chance of me stopping you when I'm all battered and beat like this."

"And it is precisely because you are battered and beat that it becomes my duty to nurse you back to health as your doctor." Natasha holds her hand out closer and gives you a smile; a foreign, almost alien, look when it comes to being under the moon's serene gaze, "I can treat you at your own home, if that's what you'd prefer.. and you can refuse, of course. But I would very much like to help, if you'd let me."

"..Okay."

In the cold underworld devoid of all natural light, there is a bright spark of warmth as you tentatively reach for her hand and pull yourself up to her with a wince.

You guide her over to your house located at some hidden area that people don't tend to visit and let yourselves in, to which she guides you to a chair and basically glides along her path as she looks for a first-aid kit. When she finds it, she goes over to you and treats you so gently—her gaze look at you in such a motherly way, her voice is soft as she asks you questions, and the silence between you is comfortable

As she stays with you to tend to your condition, the both of you engage in small talk. It's mostly started by her, there's no chance that you WOULDN'T be guarded when you've basically been estranged by the general public your entire life, but then you get comfortable enough that it turns into a full-blown conversation between the two of you

When she leaves, your house just feels a bit colder. And as you recover from your injuries and reflect on the kindest woman you've ever had the opportunity to converse with, you swear to yourself that you'd help her in whatever way you can as a way of showing your gratitude

Everyone sees you out much more often, particularly circling around the clinic and even, god forbid, going inside. But the doctor sees you trying to tend to her patients' needs without disturbing them, playing with the children in whatever way you can (and they even start to come over to you to play after a while + Hook's approval, calling you an Honourary Mole), and scaring off anyone who would dare to disturb her and her clinic's peace

You often can't help but wonder about the discrepancy of the way you're treated by everyone else and then her—much as you were grateful, let's be real you'd be mildly suspicious as to why she basically welcomes you with open arms when nobody else does. Does she have an ulterior motive? Did she want something from you this entire time? Oh, but everyone knew Natasha and everyone knew that she was quite possibly one of the most earnest people in all of Belobog so maybe you're just overthinking!! And that still doesn't stop you from wanting to help her out in any way you can anyway, your gratitude ran deeper than your lingering distrust from all the similar distrust you were faced with

Over time you develop feelings.....though whether it's bc of how she may be one of the only people to treat you like a person rather than a monster with deformities, how she had swooped in and saved you that time (and maybe even times after that too), or how you just genuinely fell for her, who knows. Either way, you start noticing her well-kept hair despite the constant rush in the clinic, and the scent of her perfume whenever she passes you by and gives your arm a light squeeze as a form of greeting towards you. You pay even more attention to her soft-spoken voice that was so full of care and conviction for nursing her patients back to full health, and her careful yet expert precision with her hands as she handles her medical tools

No matter what she does, you stayed captivated by her. Not just because of her beauty, but the kindness she shows and the love she has over those around her.

Perhaps it was due to your lack of such warmth and affection as a result of your status as a feared outcast, but you found yourself greedy—wanting more. But you know you couldn't ask that of her, not when she considered herself responsible for caring for life within the Underworld.

Especially not when you get these occasionally quiet nights to yourselves, devoid of anything else but you, her and a fresh pot of tea.

You're well-versed on how these nights usually went because they were repetitive and comforting: the two of you enjoyed a nice cup of tea as you told each other of your current days and your past experiences before settling into a nice lull, the silence comforting as you sat next to each other. You still found it strange, how the doctor had opted to sit next to you rather than far, far away from you, but it wasn't like you were going to complain about the warmth that you're now growing to be familiar with.

Right now though, there was something.. different to the silence.

It wasn't as if there was anything out of place, but you had noticed that the way Natasha looked at you was different—it was filled with.. a different form of affection, the type that you were a complete stranger to.

It was only when she spoke up in the midst of your otherwise-comforting moment of mutual peace and quiet that you realised why.

"Do you like me, [Y/N]?"

It was a simple question, one you could easily say 'yes' to because of course you like the woman you consider as your first true friend.. but the way she muttered it with her voice just a hair's breadth above a whisper made you stop and reconsider.

"..Why?"

"Mm... A doctor's curiosity, perhaps?"

"Just a doctor's curiosity?"

"Maybe more than that too. Won't you be a dear and entertain my line of questioning?"

...

Though really, what was there to reconsider?

"..So what if I do?"

"Hm."

You get no further acknowledgement back, and so of course you think that's the end of the conversation.

But then you see her turn around to meet your gaze, unflincing magenta eyes staring right at your unnatural own despite its initial tendencies to categorise you as a monster, and she gives you the most loving look you had ever seen from her.

"I've found that I like you too."

"Even if I'm--"

"I like you, dear. All of you."

You hear her put down her teacup to focus in you, but you can't bring yourself to care about anything else.

Not when the both of you lean into each other's embrace and breathe each other in.

Not when the Beauty kisses her Beast as if you breathed life into her being.

I tjink when you finally get with her it's so funnt bc you'd essentially be the "she asked for no pickles" couple except it could go either way

You're like the adored doctor and her bodyguard and neither of you would have it any other way :3c

[mzannthropy]

Anne of the Island Book Club Chapter 28

A good one today!

Not only have I titled a post on my photography blog after this chapter, I have also quoted Anne and Marilla's exchange about June in the said blog post. It is indeed a pretty month, saying this as someone who has been doing photography for 13 years. Anyway.

Aunt Atossa croaks; as was to be expected, nobody shed any tears. Mrs Lynde says "The Elisha Wrights are thankful to be rid of her"--Mrs Elisha Wright was one of those women who visited Anne the day before her departure for Redmond to tell her college will be bad for her. I wonder if this was just a woman who turned bitter from having to have such an unpleasant person as Aunt Atossa? Mrs Lynde is a better person than me bc I would not have pitied Aunt Atossa. She chose to be like that, stupid name or not.

Davy is so funny. "Milty said his mother said Aunt Atossa would be sure to rise up in her coffin and say sarcastic things to the folks that come to see her buried. But Marilla said she didn’t." Did he believe it would happen? He'd certainly want to know.

I like people to have a little nonsense about them.

A good line from Anne! You've got have a bit of a nonsense, sometimes. Reminds of when Matthew told Anne to keep some romance, when she swore off it after her Elaine incident.

The fact that in her childhood Diana wanted to marry a bad man so that she could reform him makes me laugh in view of our current times' 'I can fix him' meme. I have zero opinion on Fred Wright owing to his zero characterisation. I don't think he ever had a line of dialogue... did he?

Now I'm coming to one of the lines in this book that have stayed with me ever since I read it for the first time.

I wouldn’t want to marry anybody who was wicked, but I think I’d like it if he could be wicked and wouldn’t.

You have to have a dark side so that nobody will mess with you. At the beginning of The Count of Monte Cristo, Edmond Dantes is a young man, naive and idealistic and you want to shout at him: "watch out for the snakes!" So yes, one should marry a good man, but one who could be wicked if circumstances arose.

Reading this chapter today, it occurred to me that Avonleans would find out about Anne refusing Gilbert eventually. At Redmond, people had to know, bc everybody would have noticed their relationship had changed. (Especially after she met Roy and he started to hang out with Christine.) And this would easily travel to Avonlea. Sure, Gilbert has spent two summer holidays in a row in Kingsport, but he would have been home for Christmas of Junior year and everyone would have noticed he is not visiting Green Gables anymore. It doesn't take a Miss Marple to guess. I mean, the narrative tells us that Moody Spurgeon's mum spread the news that Anne had a new beau, so logically, Gilbert is not her 'beau' any longer.

Also like. Okay. Anne told Miss Lavendar that Gilbert wanted to be more than friends but she didn't. But Marilla had to hear it from the local gossip...? Was Anne afraid to confide in her adoptive mother?

Lol at Mrs Rachel losing her faith in the Providence.

I can't say I relate to Anne's feelings about Diana getting married (I've never really had close friends and I moved to another country at the age of 22 so didn't go through the seeing your peers get married and start families thing anyway) but like Anne, I can imagine it. I've been listening to the book The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, who also touches on friendships. It's completely normal for childhood friends drift apart once they reach young adulthood and it's nothing personal. It's just life. And it's really the theme of this instalment of Anne series.

Btw I find it interesting that Mrs Barry insisted that Diana won't marry until she is 21. We're not given the reason why, but it worked for Diana and Fred bc in that time, they got to know each other well.

[fivestar-outlaw]

New Horizons (Park Seonghwa) (Ch. 3)

Chapter 3: Scorpions

Pairing: Park Seonghwa x Fem!Reader

Words: 3.5K+

Warning(s): insecurities and discussion of insecurities, angst, someone's rude to MC :( (None of the guys), slight hurt/comfort, dumbdumbs in love but dont realize each others feelings

A/N: Here is chapter 3. I think this one is the second hardest to write (The fourth chapter is kicking my ass rn). I'm not sure how I am feeling about this chapter? I had like three/four different ideas for it. Sooo I did a 'spin the wheel' and went with what it landed on for this lol. I feel like this is the weakest chapter but it has some charm. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy <3

Reader is implied to be living in the US bc uh TIMEZONES ARE FUCKY and i didnt realize how reliant i was on mine (PST) when looking up KST

Summary: Attempting an all-nighter while playing Animal Crossing alongside your bias, you didn't expect your turnip prices to be such a high amount... nor did you expect Park Seonghwa to actually accept your offer to sell his turnips on your island.

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"I can't tell her, Woo." Seonghwa sighed.

Wooyoung nearly ripped out his hair at the very similar phrase he has heard you tell him before. The others all groaned as they lounged around in the recording room, 10 minutes before they needed to start recording and re-recording lines for their last song on the next album.

It was now February, two months since Seonghwa figured out his feelings towards you that night you fell asleep on video call. He immediately told Wooyoung the next day he had been right and ever since then, the younger has been trying to push Hwa into confessing. He even tried assuring the older male that you most likely returned his feelings without giving away you told Wooyoung you developed a crush on Hwa just a few days before Hwa told him.

Woo's mind thought back to his conversation with you a week ago.

"I don't think he likes me like that, Woo. No matter how much you tell me." He heard you say with a dejected tone through the call. He had snuck away on his own during practice, having the choreography down before the others. "I mean, I met him as a fan. I don't want him to think I offered him to sell turnips for this outcome."

"I don't think he assumes any ulterior motives, (Y/N)." He said softly. "He speaks fondly of you."

"And that's another thing. He is Seonghwa. He is the super kind, very lovable, handsome, and talented guy who loves to mimic his villagers, build Legos, and is an all around great person. It's hard not to fall in love with him... and then there is me. The average looking, college student working at the local bookstore. I feel so inadequate-"

"Hey. Don't speak like that about yourself." He scolded, his tone and facial expression serious. "You are amazing. You are beautiful. You've been a great friend and we all deeply appreciate and love you."

"Sorry." You sigh. "I just... I want to believe you, but it's hard, you know?"

"I get it, I do. Just... keep thinking on it, okay?" Wooyoung smiled sadly. He could see the self-doubt was still eating at you and his words didn't fully penetrate the self-conscious wall you built up. He just hoped you'd keep holding out long enough for him to try and push Seonghwa into confessing.

"Okay, why not then?" Yuhno asked, exasperated.

"It's clear she only views me as a friend. And I am fine with that."

"You don't know that for sure, hyung." San offered a kind smile.

"Are you guys sure (Y/N) likes me like that?" Hwa gave them each a pointed look. Everyone tried arguing that it was clear to them you did, though the only one who knew for sure was Wooyoung. "I... I truly come to appreciate her and every time we speak I feel like I am falling further and further for her. She is sweet, funny, gorgeous, and I feel my heart is always about to burst when talking with her..."

"He's a love sick puppy." Yeosang teased, making everyone chuckle. The eldest's face adorned a bright blush but he made no attempt argue against the notion.

"It's adorable seeing you crush so hard on someone, hyung." Mingi cooed.

"Why not try and talk to her now? It should be..." Hongjoong looked at the time, seeing that it was nearly 10am for them. "... about 6pm for her. Try gauging her feelings for you and bring up wanting her to visit next month for her spring break."

"I don't know..." The eldest unlocked his phone and had your contact pulled up. Wooyoung immediately moved spots and sat next to Seonghwa.

"Seonghwa-hyung, just go for it. We are all here cheering you on." Jongho smiled softly and the others nodded in agreement.

"And its not like your confessing now either. We've told you the signs, now watch for them." Wooyoung added. The others decided to join in on the call, hoping to catch anything that gave away you had feelings for their friend.

Seonghwa took in a deep breath before slowly exhaling as he pressed the call button. He felt two large hands on both shoulders pat him and give a firm squeeze as he slowly extended his arm to make sure everyone could be visible to some extent. He felt anxiety building up with each ring, waiting anxiously for you to pick up.

They all smile when you finally pick up. You were sitting at your desk, adding what looked like the finishing touches of your makeup on your face. You looked at the camera with a small smile before you looked down, picking up a tube of lipstick.

"Hello boys. Usually you text me before you start a call. What's going on?" You ask, eyes flickering to the phone again before you focus on your hand mirror.

Seonghwa felt Wooyoung nudge him off camera. "I wanted to check in on you, (Y/N), and they all decided to join me."

"Aw, really?" Your face seemingly brightened at the fact and the eldest could feel Jongho on his left excitedly tap his leg.

"Compliment her, Hwa." Hongjoong hissed into his ear, a toothy grin was on his face as an attempt to mask any suspicion.

"Did one of you say something?"

"O-oh it must of cut out." Seonghwa nervously chuckled. "I said you look amazing. Is there a special occasion going on?"

You got a bit bashful and smiled, though everyone could tell it didn't fully reach your eyes. "I got asked out on a date."

Seonghwa felt like he was punched in the gut.

But his face remained soft with a smile.

"Really? Who is the person?" He asked, his voice steady.

The others eyed him in concern but did their best to mask it while on video.

"His name is Charlie. He is in my English course this semester. We worked on some in-class assignments together a few times before he asked me out today."

"I'm happy to hear. Well, we better get going. We are about get to recording." Hongjoong could pick up some shakiness in Hwa's voice. "Have fun and please periodically message me, just to give me peace of kind on your safety."

"Thank you, Seonghwa, and I will." You gave them a wave goodbye before hanging up the phone.

It was silent in the room. Seonghwa slowly lowered his arm, resting his phone and hands in his laps. The smile he had dropped just as slowly as he took in a deep, trembling breath.

"Hwa, are you okay?" Hongjoong hesitated, placing his hand on his friends shoulder.

"Yes. I'm fine, Joong." He asserted, getting up from the couch.

"Are you sure?" San asked.

Languidly, the eldest turned to face the rest. Their breaths caught in their throats. His eyes were full of tears, his lips were quivering as he still maintained his smile.

"I told you guys I am just a friend to her. And I will be fine with that." He sniffled, one tear rolling down his cheek. He hastily wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. "Please, lets drop it and get work done today."

"Of course, hyung." Yuhno spoke with a comforting voice and stood up, wrapping an arm around the older males shoulders. "Lets grab some waters together." Carefully, the taller of the two led Hwa out of the room. The second the door closed, everyone exhaled.

"Maybe...Maybe we were wrong." Jongho mumbled.

"No we weren't." Wooyoung insisted, pulling out his phone.

"Wooyoung-" San tried to speak but the younger male kept talking.

"We weren't! (Y/N) told me herself she likes Seongwa!" The others watched as he called you, pressing speakerphone.

The phone rung a few times when they hear the line click.

"It's just me, (Y/N)." Woo gave the others a look to be quiet. "What was that? What do you mean date?"

"Exactly that, Youngie." You sighed, your voice sounding as if it lacked any confidence.

"But you like Seonghwa... You love him."

"... I do." The others in the room looked at each other in shock, their eyes wide.

"Then why did you agree to the date, (Y/N)?"

There was a moment of tense silence before you spoke again, starting your sentence off with a sniffle.

"Because I can't logically believe he likes me the same way. He just see's me as a friend and I just feel so inadequate to be on any level with him." You faltered. "I don't have any particular feelings for Charlie but I... I just wanted to try to get over loving Hwa."

"(Y/N)..."

"I need to get going Woo. I'll... message you tomorrow." Before he could say anything more you hung up.

The room was just as tense as before. No one knew what to say. Wooyoung pressed his lips tightly together as he kept his own tears at bay. When they heard the door open everyone else started getting up and getting ready to start recording. Seonghwa looked to have calmed down. Wooyoung refused to look at his oldest hyung until he could calm down.

---

After the video call with Ateez and the call with Wooyoung, you decided to try to to push any negative thought aside and finish getting ready. You put together a outfit that wasn't too fancy but still looked nice. You styled your hair the way you liked most for things like this. Overall, despite the heavy heart, you felt cute. You left your place with an Uber, figuring you may have something alcoholic to drink, with enough time to get to the restaurant on time, sending a message to Seonghwa letting him know you were heading there...

You glanced at the clock on your phone for the umpteenth time. It had been an hour since your uber dropped you off at the restaurant, 50 minutes since you were sat down at a table, and 35 minutes since that sinking feeling in your gut that you had been stood up started kicking in.

You sighed dejectedly as you finished paying for the meal you ordered. You may have been stood up but you weren't going to let that stop you from a nice meal. Luckily your waitress was kind and nobody paid you much mind. You felt that any pity sent your way would make you feel worse.

You slowly walked outside the restaurant, your phone out as you get ready to order another uber, when you heard loud cackling. Your head turned to the left and just a few cars down in the parking lot was Charlie in a car full of people. They were all laughing and looking at you.

It felt like a bucket of ice water was poured over you.

Ignoring them and the button to confirm the uber, you started walking in the direction of your apartment. You needed to get away. You could feel your chest tightening with humiliation and panic.

"Oh come on, (Y/N). It was a joke!" You heard Charlie yell but you just kept walking. You heard the car roar with life and could hear from their rolled down window various jokes directed at you.

They all cackled and decided that was enough teasing. Charlie then nearly squealed his tires as he drove away. The tears you kept at bay finally spilled over. You hiccupped as you glanced down at your phone. It was 8pm for you, which meant it would be around noon for him.

You didn't think, really. You just knew you needed to hear his low toned, comforting voice. You opened your phone and immediately dialed Seonghwa, pressing your cell to your ear as you walked back to your place. You felt pathetic but you knew you needed to speak to someone or else you would be a sobbing mess if you were left to stew.

---

It was lunch time in the canteen area at KQ when Seonghwa heard his phone ring. His brows furrowed when he saw your name on the screen. He finished his last bite and quickly wiped off any possible crumbs on his hands with a napkin.

"Didn't she leave for her date like an hour ago?" Mingi tilted his head, everyone else had a confused look.

Seonghwa pressed the green answer button and raised his phone to his ear.

"(Y/N)?" His voice with smooth and low. "You're calling me so soon-"

"Seonghwa..." He heard your voice trembling, making him freeze. His face must of gave away to the others something was wrong, as they stared at him intently.

"Hold on, (Y/N). Let me go somewhere private." He quickly got up fron his seat and wasted no time getting into the hallway where there were less people. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"I-I got stood up." You sniffled.

"What?"

"I sat there for an hour looking like a fool. And then... And then I went to leave and I saw him outside in his car with his friends." Seonghwa could feel his blood start to boil with anger. "They laughed at me. They made fun of me." He could hear you take in a shuddering breath.

"Where are you now?"

"I'm walking home..."

"How long until you get back?"

"Maybe... Maybe 10 or 15 more minutes?"

"Stay on the phone with okay? I want to make sure you get home safe." He needed to take deep breaths to stay calm. In the corner of his eye he saw the others leave the canteen, though they stayed back, giving him and you some privacy.

"I just don't get what I did wrong to-"

"You did nothing wrong, (Y/N). Don't start blaming yourself for some asshole's behavior." He glanced to his friends, feel a pinch of confidence. "You are a wonderful person. It's his loss."

There was silence for a moment.

"Did I interrupt work?" You asked in a small voice.

"No, I was just finishing lunch. Did you eat?"

"I had something small after I realized he wasn't showing up." Hwa felt some relief when he heard your voice getting steady. "I'll probably have some ice cream when I get home."

"It better not be mint chocolate chip." He joked and smiled when he heard you giggle. "You really did look amazing, by the way. You should send me and the group chat any selfies if you took any. I'm sure the others would like to see the full look."

"Really?" Your voice was meek.

"I would never lie to you... You truly look beautiful. You always do."

"Thank you, Hwa. I really needed to hear that, especially from you." He could hear your voice tremble again.

"Don't start crying because of me, jagiya." He gently teased, the petname slipping out seamlessly.

"Where are the others?"

"They are watching me down the hallway I'm in." He looked over and saw that they were still there. Wooyoung, San, and Jongho kept their eyes on him while the others were looking at their phones, occasionally looking back at the eldest.

"Am I keeping-"

"I want to be talking with you. They can all wait." Seonghwa huffed, which pulled a giggle from you. He was glad he was able to get you to cheer up, even if it was a miniscule amount. "They are very concerned for you though."

"You can tell them what happened. Woo will bug me when he can until I tell him."

"He is good at that isn't he?"

"Too good." You snort.

There was another moment of silence before Hwa spoke again.

"How close are you to home?"

"Uh..." You pause. "I'm pretty close. I'm passing the park thats nearby. I'll probably be there in two minutes."

"Good." He hummed. "I'm glad you called me."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Besides enjoying the sound of your voice, I am glad you felt comfortable enough during this vulnerable time to reach out to me. It warms my heart."

"I'm glad you answered."

"For you? Always. Well, unless I am on stage or Joong is lecturing us." He couldn't help but beam when he got you to laugh again.

"I see my apartment. I'm walking up to the door now." Hwa heard your keys jingle in your hand. "I'll let you go now. Thank you for everything, Hwa."

"It wasn't a problem at all. I'll check in on you when I have the time okay?"

"You don't have to." He faintly heard you unlocking the door and then heard the door close.

"I want to." He smiled. "Get comfortable, have that ice cream, and smile for me okay, (Y/N)? I'll talk to you soon. Have a goodnight in case you fall asleep."

"Have a good rest of your day, Hwa." There was a lingering pause before you ended the call.

Seonghwa let out a deep sigh, his face dropping into a scowl as he pocketed his phone. The rest of Ateez took that as a sign to approach him. They nearly froze when they saw the angry look on his face.

"I'm going to need one of you to stop me from buying plane tickets right now." Hwa muttered.

"What happened?"

"Why are you so upset?"

"Is (Y/N) okay?"

Were questions all asked at the same time.

"Let's get back to the recording studio first." Hongjoong offered. It took a lot of restraint for them to not run down the hallways.

The second that door closed to the studio, everyone turned to look at Seonghwa, who still looked pissed off. He sat down on the couch staring past the glass that viewed the recording booth. He needed to take a moment to calm himself down.

"Did something happen to our dear (Y/N)?" Wooyoung sat next to the older male, looking at him with desperate eyes.

"She called me crying, saying her date stood her up." Seonghwa finally spoke. Everyone let out shocked noises and some curses. "That's not even the worst of it. She said he and his friends were waiting for her to come outside to make fun of her."

Wooyoung pulled out his cellphone. "I'm buying you and I plane tickets."

"Count me in, I want to beat that guys ass for making her upset." San sat on the other side of Seonghwa.

Hongjoong quickly snatched Wooyoung's phone.

"Hey-!"

"You won't be making a spontaneous trip to her place and you all are definitely not going off to fight this guy." He said, using his captain voice.

"Come on, hyung. It'll be worth it." Jongho tried bargaining but quickly stopped at the look he got from their leader.

"Seonghwa." Seonghwa's attention was on Hongjoong's face after he called his name. "You already did most of your recording today. Unless you want to hang out with those who still need to record and need to re-record, or do some choreography practice with Yuhno, you should head back to the dorm and spend some time with (Y/N)."

"Thank you, Joong." Seonghwa smiled and gathered his belongings.

"We want to spend time with her too." Wooyoung whined.

"Too bad. You're assisting Yuhno after you re-record your lines." The eldest male smiled at his friends playful banter as he left the room.

He quickly fished out his cell and called you as he walked down the hallway. He was heading to his managers office to get home. He wasn't entirely sure if he had the confidence to confess right now, nor did he want to spring on a confession to you after the night you had... but he wanted to let you know he would be there for you. That he would never let you feel less than or alone. That stupid guy lost his chance and Hwa wanted to be the one treasure you. He was going to confess and tonight would be the start to his plan to do so.

"Seonghwa?" Your voice sounded confused when you quickly answered.

"Hongjoong is giving me the rest of the day off. Do you want to watch a movie with me? Or we can play Animal Crossing? Whatever you want, I want to do it with you." He took in a deep breath. "I'll even pick up mint chocolate chip ice cream and we can eat it together."

You laughed. "Sure, I would love that."

There was a pause in the conversation. Seonghwa was now waiting in front of the manager's office.

"I have a question for you, (Y/N)." He wanted to wait for later to ask his question but Seonghwa felt he had the confidence to ask now.

"What is it?"

"You said you took time off work for your spring break next month, right?"

"Yes, I have the Friday before that week off to Monday after it. Why do you ask?"

"Come visit me." He was shocked he got it out.

"What?"

"Come to Korea and visit me. I'll help pay for the flight and you can stay with us at the dorm. Is the issue with your passport?"

"My passport is fine." You sighed and took a moment before speaking again. "Are you sure, Hwa? Are the others okay with that? What about-"

"Everything will be fine. The others, our manager, and I have already discussed this in length and will probably want to discuss with you later."

"Well..." You didn't speak, which had Seonghwa feeling rejection would soon follow. "I would love to."

"...Is this a yes?"

"Yes it is." You chuckled. "I've been actually thinking of planning a visit after I graduate in May, but honestly, the sooner the better."

"Make sure to message the others about this, they'll be so happy." He smiled, unable to hide his excitement. "I am about to leave the office here soon. I will call you when I am back at the dorm."

"Get back safely."

"Of course. I will talk to you soon."

"And- Fuck!" You swore loudly.

"Is something wrong?" Worry seeped into his veins at how your voice sounded.

"I got stung by scorpion while island hopping."

Taglist: @stopeatread@hee0soo@pocketjoong-reads@seonghwaddict@tridkeys

[evilwickedme]

I'm going to preface this with you absolutely don't have to answer if you don't want to/don't have the emotional energy - but I was wondering if you had sources for JVP being "not really Jewish"? I ask because as someone who usually says I'm Jewish for simplicity's sake despite my conversion being still in progress, I've definitely been told I'm "not really Jewish" (I recognize that halachically I'm not til I immerse in the mikveh, that isn't what I mean here, I hope it makes sense.) I also have a lot of friends who have been told they "aren't really Jewish" by other Jews because they converted or are patrilineal Jews or follow a different observance level or even because they're anti-Zionists. And since I happen to have a lot of friends and local community members who I know are JVP members and I also know are Jewish, I'm always really confused when I see claims the organization isn't Jewish - bc the folks I know in it are. Like, I personally know 5 members of their rabbinical council, one of the members is even my advising rabbi for my conversion. So I'm trying to determine if my local JVP is just *vastly* different from the rest of the org or if I'm right to immediately be on edge by "not really Jewish" claims and wonder if the person making them will start questioning the sincerity of my desire to convert (or once complete, validity of my conversion) next.

I hope that all makes sense? I'm operating on very little sleep this morning so I apologize if anything isn't clear or something. (Also, I would be happy to talk about my experience with my local JVP, which is rather limited beyond knowing they exist and knowing a lot of members, but I do have some knowledge of the work beyond JVP folks in this area who are members are doing.)

They're not Jewish cause they're run by goyim lmao

Here's a doc on their antisemitic history which has lots and lots of sources in it for every claim

Also, this:

A quick search for jvp or Jewish voices for peace in my blog should come up with half a dozen other sources

I feel like I've been pretty clear in my pro-convert stance, and that I think converts are real Jews (I once made a post making fun of that saying "reblog if you think born Jews are real Jews" that unfortunately didn't land or gain traction, but I maintain hilarity). That doesn't mean that everyone who claims to be Jewish is in fact Jewish or that every org that claims to represent Jewish people does in fact represent Jewish people. Jvp is about as Jewish as messianics are - there's certainly some real Jews working with them, but nobody in charge seems to be, and overall they do lots of antisemitic shit.

[antheyaaa]

haiaiai

idk if this is a req i hope it is bc im using a chromebook since my phone broke, ANYWAYS

what if cal and andre were in like a garage band? and reader loves their music and is a big fan and specifically has a crush on cal and meets him at a meet n greet?? then you can decide what goes on from there SRRY IF IT SOUNDS LIKE BS i was listening to music in school and thought of the idea

"Strings Attached"

Calvin Gabriel x reader

You had been counting down the days.

There was something about Cal and Andre’s music that latched onto your soul. It wasn’t polished, not like the chart-topping artists out there—but that was the point. It was raw, honest, like late-night confessions whispered into the dark. It felt real.

Their garage band, Midnight Vinyl, had exploded online a few months ago, mostly thanks to a few viral TikToks and some word-of-mouth magic. Their songs were rough around the edges—distorted guitars, basement-level acoustics, and lyrics that sounded like torn-out pages from someone’s diary. From “Smoke-Stained Summer” to “Talk Me Down”, you knew every line. Every chord. And most of all—you knew you had a crush. A real, hopeless, heartsick crush on Cal.

His voice was low and a little rasped, like he’d stayed up too many nights writing lyrics instead of sleeping. His lyrics hit like a punch to the chest. And he always looked so casual and cool in the videos—hoodie slipping off one shoulder, hair a mess, eyes half-lidded with that sleepy kind of intensity that made your stomach twist.

And today… you were going to meet him.

You stood in line outside the tiny local record store they were hosting the meet & greet at, sneakers tapping anxiously against the sidewalk. You clutched the band’s limited edition cassette in your hands—a retro release Cal had joked about doing “just for the aesthetic.” Your palms were sweating.

Inside, the store was dim and smelled like incense and old vinyl. Posters of underground bands lined the walls, and somewhere in the back, you could hear Andre laughing. You saw them then—Andre, grinning as always, and Cal, sitting at a little folding table, marker in hand. Your heart nearly stopped.

“Next,” someone called. Your legs moved without permission.

When you got to the table, Cal looked up, and for a moment, everything stopped.

He blinked. Smiled—soft, kind of tired, but real.

“Hey,” he said, voice lower than you expected. “You brought the tape. Damn, respect.”

You felt your cheeks flush. “Yeah. I… kind of love your music.”

He tilted his head. “Kind of?”

You laughed nervously. “Okay. A lot. Like… maybe an embarrassing amount.”

Andre leaned over. “That’s the best kind of fan. The embarrassing ones.”

You smiled, looking back at Cal. “Your lyrics… they feel personal. Like they get it. Like you get it.”

Something shifted in his expression. Just slightly.

He took the tape from your hand and scribbled his name on it, then paused. “What’s your name?”

You told him, and he wrote it above his signature with a little star next to it.

There was a small beat of silence. And then, almost shyly, he said, “Hey, uh… we’re grabbing pizza after this. Just me and Dre and a few people. You should come.”

Your brain short-circuited. “Wait, seriously?”

He gave a little shrug, but there was a tiny, mischievous smile tugging at his lips. “You seem cool. And you actually listen. That’s rare.”

Andre elbowed him. “Just admit you think she’s cute, dude.”

“Shut up,” Cal muttered, but he was definitely blushing.

You laughed, heart fluttering so hard it felt like your ribs might crack open.

“Alright,” you said, smiling wide. “I’m in.”

Cal looked up at you like he was memorizing your face. “Cool. It’s a date, then.”

And maybe it was. Maybe it was the start of something. Something messy and loud and beautiful, like their music. Like you always imagined.

First of all I hope your phone is ok and that it will be fixed or you will get a new one😭Secondly, I love your idea and I hope that this is what you wanted and that you will like it. I have no idea what BS means so please tell me 😭😭My Pinterest doesn't seem to want to work and I still can't upload photos because of it 😞😓@joc3lynx

With love-Antheya

[irrealisms]

whenever i think too hard about how differently i got treated as a depressed/anxious patient vs a psychotic patient i'm kind of bowled over by it. i don't really like talking abt it, it feels weird for a Few reasons not least of which is "it kind of feels like humblebragging abt being one of the Good Psychotics" but i'm going to talk about it bc i feel like it's .... an important thing that ppl don't. realize

when my primary problem was ocd i saw multiple therapists and talked about being terrified i would hurt people (details of intrusive thoughts redacted). i was told, categorically, by all of them, that this was false & that i was a good person who just had ocd. for years, i saw therapists for primarily anxiety/depression/eating disorder reasons. during this time, i had a few meltdowns in which i physically hurt others; one was in response to being restrained but most were not justified at all and were just an expression of emotion. i'm not going to pretend that all the therapists i saw were all great bc they absolutely were not! i had transphobic therapists i had therapists who violated or removed my privacy i had therapists who i hid the extent of my suicidality from for fear of institutionalization or similar i was very aware that if i did not agree to eat i would eventually be forcefed etc etc. i was still experiencing psychiatric ableism. but there was never serious concern from them that i should be considered a risk to others.

when my primary problem was psychosis symptoms (i have issues with the label but it's the one they used), i was rejected by multiple therapists who thought i wasn't a good fit. the ones i did see spent a solid chunk of time in every session trying to figure out if i was violent or dangerous to others. (for the record: i have had psychotic symptoms for the past almost-decade now and have never hurt people about them; the people close to me can confirm that i handle situations like "my closest friend has been replaced with an evil imposter" or "all my friends are conspiring against me" or similar with grace and aplomb and without any violence.) i had a psychiatrist (who knew that i had negative reactions to antipsychotics) who suggested antipsychotics i could take "for anxiety", without telling me they were antipsychotics and who noted psychotic symptoms in my chart while only telling me that she was treating me for anxiety. when i told one of my therapists who i was seeing for psychosis reasons that i had been in IOP for harm OCD a year before, and that i had harm OCD with intrusive thoughts, she took this as meaning that the voices told me to hurt people, and i had to spend the rest of the session trying to reassure her that i wasn't going to. when i told the therapist after that the same thing, i was told that i could either report myself to a local mental hospital as a danger to others voluntarily or that she would call the cops. i went; my parents and i begged them to reconsider the therapist's judgement, so they evaluated me there over a zoom call. the person over the zoom call agreed that i was a danger to others. the paperwork from them doesn't even mention the intrusive thoughts; it just notes that i have paranoia, delusions, hallucinations. that's enough, for me to be institutionalized as a danger to others. all the evidence they need. and so despite it being sparked by me having intrusive thoughts, i wasn't put on OCD meds--they took me off my OCD meds!--i was put on antipsychotics.

and this is where i can feel weird talking about this, right, bc psychosis does make some people violent, and throwing them under the bus or denying their existence bc i'm ~one of the good ones~ is the last thing i want to do. but there is an automatic, default assumption, when you are psychotic, that you are violent. whether or not you are. no matter what you do. and as someone with harm ocd it's fucked me up & there's the thing where ppl do not hesitate in doing violence to me about those assumptions which has also fucked me up. my impression is that addicts, people diagnosed with personality disorders, and a few other diagnoses can get hit by similar treatment (differently flavored) from the psychiatric system. as soon as you're in a certain box in their mind nothing else matters. you're just ... dangerous. violent. unpredictable.

i don't know where i'm going with this. i might make another post in a bit about a different psychiatry thing. i just--i think people don't realize what it's like, how bad it is, how qualitatively it's a different sort of ableism than disorders where you're seen as primarily dangerous to yourself. and also it's late at night and i'm unhappy.

[tachimichishrine]

Could I ask for a little Christmas special with Tachi x Fem!reader? With smut, the cherry on the cake could not be missing. Ñakañaka👀

<HAHAHA CANT BELIEVE IVE GOT A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL REQ,,, keep in mind i dont celebrate xmas so im pullin out a lot of clichés and i'm assuming it's a stereotypical northern hemisphere winter vibe just for funsies. ñakañaka to you too, dear reader>

"by the fireplace"

⫭◦⨝◦⫬

tachihara michizou x fem! reader {christmas special}

warnings: nsfw ; fingering ; cockwarming ; soft sex ; ooc tachihara bc i can ; playful cursing ; intended lowercase ; unedited as always

stupid. you are stupid.

stupid for getting so excited around the holidays. for using your day off to prepare your painfully small studio apartment with a bunch of decorations bought from the local store, anything that was cheap and shiny. you expertly coordinated the colours, the theme and the shapes, putting up zigzags of fluffy green boas on the walls of your kitchen and swirls of red streamers in your living room. you couldn't afford a christmas tree both financially and space-wise, so you took your local houseplants, covered them in random cut-out figures and makeshift ornaments, then allocated a small corner in their honour. it was cute, but there was no one to share it with.

stupid for getting your hopes up. you hadn't spoken to your boyfriend in so long, hadn't received a response to all your lovesick voice messages or texts, telling him how much you missed him and how badly you wanted him back home. chances are that the number you were contacting had gotten tossed, thrown in the garbage on a mission that was too high-risk for him to compromise your safety. it was worse when you thought about the fact that he was doing this for you; sometimes you wanted to track him down, show up to wherever he was spying and kiss him numb in front of whoever he was supposed to be infiltrating.

stupid for baking cookies. they were really good too— you picked whatever recipe online that you could find and made 2 dozen of them. you ate half, music playing on your speaker, sitting down on your sofa all alone. you wished you'd have someone to share them with.

the cold outside made this holiday season all the more unbearable, with the delicate snowflakes whisking around the frigid air outside. you were safe inside, snuggled up by the fireplace with a book and a blanket, but feeling incredibly lonely.

"you've probably tossed this burner phone by now..." you couldn't resist the temptation and pulled out your phone in order to leave him another voicemail, "but michi, baby, I miss you. I know I'm supposed to love all this me time or whatever, but... fuck, I made cookies and all I wanna do is stuff them in your beautiful face. man, I've gone crazy, haven't I? anyways... I miss you. I love you. I just hope you're safe and come home soon."

you had to get your mind off of things. you had to do something, anything to get out of your head. you were off work, but you didn't have the mind to concentrate on any activities at home by yourself, and all your friends were busy with family and loved ones.

you decided to go for a walk outside, in the freezing cold snow.

it did wonders for your head. you didn't even have your headphones in, which was odd, but instead listened to everything around. you snuggled further into your coat, told yourself that you should've worn more layers, been more prepared for the cold, but it was refreshing nonetheless. you didn't keep track of the time, instead visiting every corner of your neighborhood and just strolling around as you pleased. by the time your nose felt like it was going to freeze off, you were approaching the entrance of the building.

someone was at the door, in a familiar army-green coat with beige fur around the collar. you nearly tripped over yourself running over to the figure, excitement louder in your mind than the fear of accidentally trapping the wrong person in a bear hug.

to your surprise, you didn't hug a person at all. you were hugging a floating jacket that seemed to be carrying all its weight at four spots where small metal clips were positioned. you yanked the coat off of the clips, relishing in the faint smell of your lover, only pulled out of your happiness by a cold impact on your back.

you turned around to look at the son of a bitch who threw a snowball at you.

"aren't you cold?" you chuckled, seeing tachihara in only his v-neck long sleeved shirt you would tease him about and say looked like that of a school girl. "taking off your coat just 'cause you're dramatic as hell."

"you're spunky for someone who left me about a million sappy voicemails in the past week," he retorted in a sassy tone. despite the words exchanged, you dropped his jacket on the snow and ran over to him like you were a housewife waiting for him to come back from war, which you might as well have been. he caught you hurling your body at him and gave you a twirl around while you giggled and peppered his face in kisses.

when he finally set you down, you had your hands wrapped around the back of his neck, his on your hips, and you pulled him in to feel his lips on yours. "you really are dramatic as hell."

"and you love me." his gloved hand balanced your chin on his curled index finger and brought you back in for another kiss. "m'sorry I was gone for so long this time."

you shook your head, holding him tighter as if he would dissipate and float away if you let go. "you're here now. that's all I care about." your grip tightened and you hopped up so that you could wrap your legs around his hips. "now carry me inside and make it up to me."

"oh, she's demanding, ain't she?" he chuckled, holding you up by your thighs. "I haven't even been back more than two seconds and I'm getting ordered 'round."

"shut up, you know you love it," you giggled, trying to climb off of him so you could walk into your home but his grip was firm and he didn't seem intent on letting you go. "baby, I was joking, you can put me down now."

"hm? if ya say so."

and he tossed you onto the ground.

you weren't expecting that, but laughed in the snow as you processed what he'd just done. in retaliation, you kicked out his ankles and he collapsed right next to you. obviously, you both knew that he could've dodged it, but he let himself fall by your side and lay his arm across your waist. he shivered, his barely covered torso coming in direct contact with the cold snow while snowflakes fluttered onto his lashes and hair. he laughed again as he rolled onto you, trapping you under his weight while you looked up at him dreamily.

"I missed you," you whispered seriously, saying those words for the thousandth time today, "a lot. I'm glad you're back."

he struggled to formulate a response, blush almost as red as the tips of his frozen ears or his hair, instead letting his body drop onto you and kiss you on the forehead. "I missed you more than you could ever imagine. almost got caught daydreamin' about you a few times on the mission."

"is that so?" you perked up a brow, amused. tachihara finally got off of you, offering his hand to help you up while the other brushed off the melting wetness on his back and knees. "what kind of daydreams?"

he pulled you up once you took his hand, leading you inside the apartment building while he shook his head to loosen the water droplets at the tips of his hair— almost like a dog. he leaned into your ear and whispered, "the kind I can't say out loud."

"how 'bout a more visual description, then?" you offered innocently, and he chuckled. once you reached the front door, you'd completely forgotten all of the loneliness you'd been feeling when you'd initially left. you barely made it inside the entrance when he had your back pressed against your decorated walls, knee slotted in between your legs and lips back on yours.

you took off your jacket and other garments, trying to toss them in the closet without breaking the kiss. only, once you'd finally kicked off your boots, you remembered his jacket.

"fuck, it's still outside, my bad," you murmured against him, "should I go back down and get it?"

"no need, just open up a window."

you did as he asked while he got settled, warming up by the fireplace and munching on the now cooled-down baked goods. the place still smelled like the sugar cookies, so he commented on how incredibly festive it all seemed. you just shrugged and said you had free time, but quickly admitted you were a little lonely lately. he noticed your frown and unconsciously mimicked it.

"anyways, are you gonna tell me why I'm opening a window when it's freezing outside?" you asked, turning towards him.

"close your eyes," he instructed. you felt a twinge of excitement as you complied.

a few moments later, you heard some clattering outside. barely resisting the urge to peek, you stole a quick look outside and saw the floating jacket, again. you rolled your eyes, placed a hand on your hip and scolded him for acting so melodramatic again. he just chuckled, but his laugh was enough to get your heart thawing out. he brought it inside and you closed the window behind it, but told him to levitate it to the closet. meanwhile, you had to drag him to the bedroom to get him to change out of his soaking wet clothes.

you watched him pull his damp shirt over his head while you got yourself comfortable on the bed. with his torso bare, you stared just a little too long at him, shamelessly, and tsked when he reached for the drawer for a replacement.

"hey, I'm still fuckin' frozen," he explained himself, but you jumped up and grabbed his wrist to stop him from putting anything on.

"we have a fireplace for that reason, love," you retorted.

that was just an excuse to get him naked for you in any way you could, and he let it happen. you cuddled with him on the sofa, his head buried in between your tits with your hands roaming all over his skin. under the covers, you got greedy and began sliding your hands under his pants. he let you take them off, but took your shirt off as well. heavy breathing into his mouth distracted you from skilled fingertips tugging off your pants next.

"I... mmm..." you hummed softly against him as you let him pull you on top of him. you sat down on him, legs parted on both sides and throbbing in between them hard to control. "haven't felt you... in so long..."

it was a request, and he knew it. your fingers couldn't do the trick, not once you had gotten used to his own, skilled and rough and so knowledgeable in understanding every spot and nook that could have you sighing on his knuckles. and he was just that; knuckle-deep in your soaking pussy as you spasmed around his fingers and felt him curl them around inside your walls.

"someone missed me a lot," he remarks with a smug grin while he looked at your eyes tightened shut and jaw slacked open as you rode his hand. you placed your hand on his neck, both steadying yourself so you could fuck yourself harder on his hand and choking him lightly so he would shut the fuck up.

you lowered your chest so you could kiss him heatedly through the fingerfucking, and whispered sweet nothings in his lips while occasionally gasping and panting for air.

"still cold?" you asked cheekily in his ear, licking around the shell and biting down on his earlobe. "or d'you want me to sit on that pretty cock of yours?"

he really was frozen; you felt his frigid skin as you pulled down his boxers and his cock sprung free, familiar pulsating as he grunted through the sensation. you lowered yourself onto him, slow and relishing in his pleasurable whimpers, and rocked into him even slower. it was just the two of you, by the fireplace, gently fucking while you smothered him in kisses.

you couldn't have asked for a better christmas present this year.

[magicdefendorwolf]

Yan Yan (Yanqing) with someone who's very touch starved and clingy RAAA

STOP BC I TOO,AM TOUCH STARVED LETS GOOO

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Okay so first of all,he doesnt mind your clinginess at all,if something he finds it adorable,because he's lowkey clingy too

As for the touch starved part,it would take him awhile to notice that you're touch starved

And if you just told him straight up he would be like "oh okay" and make a mental note to be more touchy with you

But i dont think you're going to be touch starved while dating him any longer,because he literally thrives off of your touch,presence, and praise

Whenever you're around its like he has newfound motivation to keep going,to do better,for you

Whenever you praise him for anything,whether its his looks,swordsmanship,or sweet behaviour,he appreciates anything and everything

And most importantly and what we're here for,touch,hugs after thought training sessions,cuddles after long days or even weeks

Whenever he's exhausted he'll just snuggle with you,with a death grip around your waist and he'll just nap in order to recover his energy

After long days of training and duties he'll come and hug you tightly and just sit there for awhile

And knowing that you're touch starved he'll always make sure he holds your hand,or brings an arm over your waist or shoulder to keep you physically close to him in public

Kisses,definetly lots of them,he loves peppering your face in short and fast kisses while he cups your face

Speaking of which,he'll mindlessly cup your face and admire you,during naps,random staring sessions,or evem when you're doing absolutely nothing

And he also needs to physically feel you next to him or that he has an arm over you to feel safe

I feel like physical touch is his secondary love language

So as i said in the beggining you wont be touch starved for long,especially if he knows

You'd need the whole Luofu and the general to pry him away from cuddling with you

And about being clingy dont worry about it,he's just as clingy,he feels the need to constantly be in your presence

First thing in the morning that he thinks about is how he wants to see you again,to hug you again,to cup your face again,argh! he has to focus on his duties,but sneaking off to see you for abit wont hurt anyone right?

Becaue of the amount of time you two spend together its a daily occurence for the locals to see you two together to the point that its weird not seeing you two next to each other

Of course you can have your personal space if you need it,but otherwise he's spending all of his free time with you

And if your ever come to him asking him to hold you,your hand,or just give you any form of physical touch he's willing to comply,no matter who's watching ot if he's in the middle of training,you're his priority after all

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I had fun writing this i hope you enjoy it! Sorry about the gap between posts,finals are around the corner

[submariini]

Thee Antwerp Gig Overview (by #5)

me and @jeevm arrived around 7:50am at the gig, numbers 4 and 5 bc belgians simply are not a queuing people. not much happened beside chaotic uno and trix doing a short interview with us seven? i think at that point i forget

the bus arrived a little before ten am, and we were allowed to sit inside at that point so we just all went outside again and just stood there for a whole ass three hours being clowns.

jaakko, jukka and jesse walked by a few times entirely undisturbed bc belgians also do not talk ever. (and dutch ppl ig). respectful times.

eventually, at around one, Häärijä got off the bus (mostly as a distraction for K going the other way). This man came by like proper we thought he was gonna just walk by, but he waved and then decided to ignore everyone and beeline straight into my direction for a hug? hello? unsure how he still knows what i look like (was not in the yellow tshirt yet bc cold and he hasnt seen me since simerock).

K and Jesse came by as well -- please note at this point there were like goddamn 40 people there. Nothing like the Munich papal visit scenes at any point.

K just the nicest. Didn't remember me from simerock (fair, it was a factory of photographs) and was like wtf rollo (as per ushe), complimented my boots bc he likes them (they are r+ but usually kids sizes) and i got to be "mean" abt the r+ ticket sale and the bus making it stressful. When he asked it I wanted him to sign anything, I didn't have anything and he just offered to sign my boots? Man did not expect the clown to clown communication that was happening bc he seemed very oh god for real when I agreed.

Someone gave him a necklace and instantly wanted to put it on. The person who gave it couldn't fasten it bc nails/shaking hands so I offered to try and then idk how it got fastened bc christ I shook as well. Not helpful: Mikke both filming that and the boot signing up close 😭

Told Jesse he told me at simerock that I should just join the tour bus and he went "yeah that sounds like something I would say." then scolded me for not having been in Berlin for that 😭

H wandered back and forth a bit, had another weird football chat (rip hazards career) where I was sitting on a little wall, back to the bus still at that point, and he just leaned into me turning around and just held my shoulders the entire time? When I got sweaty and took my hoodie off later he also suddenly grabbed my tshirt when it was riding up I am Feeling Fine.

Was wearing the yellow tshirt w the cross stitch and he made me turn to show Jesse??? And Jesse did the nicest "wait can I touch this?" bc I guess he thought it would be fragile???

People formed a nice selfie line and K just said he's santa claus 🎅

H vanished, then came back out of the bus, and we had a weird mime moment bc I wasnt sure if he was motioning at me to get to him away from the rest. He was and I got fucking free merch??? Like free, not yet available merch. Genuinely what the FUCK. Im making an extra post abt this most likely bc I cannot explain what the hell happened in that moment and the things around it.

When Mikke did the interview w the first queuer, H just stood behind the glass door into the venue and started miming at us. Like not even properly in character? Help.

Gig

Jesus Belgian audiences proving once again we just Are like that. Refusing to goddamn shut up. Every time. Man disallowed to banter by loud belgian screaming. He seemed so touched though jesus christ time to cry

Got roasted for basically slut dropping and shooting my Häärijä sign up in the air before Mic Mac. "yes that mean fucking häärijä" local man fed up w my antics.

Got roasted AGAIN straight after Mic Mac because I was the person he pointed at during the "this is your home now" bit. (promptly decided diving behind the barrier and Face In Hands was the best reply)

Mild bit before the 2nd Cha Cha Cha as I was the front row person he called out for not sitting down. Just yelled that I got bad knees and I'm not sure anyone caught his reply properly 😂

Overall 10/10 excellent gig what the HELL. The belly flop on the balloon, the whole banter before paidaton bc so much of the queue ppl I was with took their shirt off, the way we refused to kept chanting, him trying to eat the bubbles, him talking about Hs dick and the whole balls convo??

Post Gig

Had to pick up merch for a few people, so went with the hope of a third Häärijä hug. He eventually got a bit held up outside of merch by people (lit at the door into the merch room) and I got to just "Sorry it's me again" but he just instantly hug. We talked a little about the gig (did I like it, how I was doing) and like K feeling much better/doing better ft. some dumb crap.

Merch was in fact gotten after I just LOST my friends bc of H.

CANNOT wait for London. and Glasgow but thats with normal people. Like met so many fun people in the queue who are going to be at London jesus christ. Party time.

[sugarrookiedesign]

A Date So Bad, I Made A Tumblr Post About It

I'm sorta just listing events from the date off but its not entirely in order, and I most certainly forgot a few details bc it was all so stressful and chaotic

Mostly posting this for myself and my friends to gawk at (hi! 💓)

We met on the hellsite grindr. They're conventionally attractive, a bit odd and confusing through text, but were nice and seemed chill overall. We exchanged socials prior to meeting up and they had no local friends or much online community at all despite living in the area their whole life but I chalked it up to being newly trans.

These were the red flags I shouldn't have ignored, if you're keeping track lmao

I agreed to come to their place and my boyfriend dropped me off

First off I aint judging, but their house was completely empty besides their room even tho they claimed to have roommates and werent moving/recently moved?? unrelated but justa odd vibe and potential red flag lol

They were so erratic from the moment I met them they just kept talking n talking, and were clearly not all there bc I couldn't understand alot of what they were sayin. It made conversation so hard.

We sat on the floor of their bedroom and smoked wii'd

They got very emotional about everything and would like jump up and like grab n shake me by the shoulders to emphasize the shit they were babbling 😭

Throughout the date they gave lil signs that they were a volatile person like they explained how they have had frequent fall outs w friends and family, their exs have called the cops on them on numerous occasions(explained in bits n pieces throughout the date during their semi-coherent rambles), and they had spicy reactions to me, just like, saying anything.

Thoughout the date they said the R word 3 times even after i told them it upset me, both to be funny and because they were mad at someone in their head, they made fun of muslims(amongst many others), told me "i dont go too far left, my political opinions will get me in trouble" and didnt elaborate when I tried gently asking about it.

They asked if I wanted to have sex like 4 times like out of nowhere in different ways and I had to say "Ive told you no 4 times, absolutely not, please stop" and kept pushing questions about my kinks. They also really hammered on how confusing polyamory was and made it clear that they thought it was dumb and funny that I have an asexual partnership w my fiance even though I explained it all to them prior ro meeting. :')

Like 6 times throughout our 4 hour date they made themselves so mad from talking(basically to themselves) about their traumas that they were like yelling at themselves while staring at the ground??

Surprisingly the thing that made me text my boyfriend to pick me up ASAP was they asked me to buy them food like over and over and made me explain why I didn't want to do that it was so creepy and weird and upsetting, ik it sounds dumb but just the way they were saying shit n pushing it really triggered my anxiety 😭

(obviously manipulative voice that i notice immediately): "aw you know I could really go for some icecream but ive been broke recently and i have no food in my fridge"

me, knowing whats coming, already so sick of them: "Ah I feel you I love icecream, and I've been nearly broke recently too"

"..please buy me icecream?"

"uh no im sorry not today"

"please?"

"uuuuh, what? I dont really feel like it i already bought us snacks and i dont have alot of money"

"you said *nearly broke*. Can you please?"

"no"

"why not you have money"

and just kept going and was like asking how much I had in my bank account 😭

i try to ignore my phone when im w people to be respectful so the first time i texted my bf was to get rescued right after they begged me for food money and they just stared at me silently for like 15 seconds while I was texting before angrily saying "Oh so do you talk shit to your boyfriend when your grindr dates aren't going well? Is that it?"

for my safety I had to pretend like I was willing to go on a second date but I blocked her everywhere except grindr before I was even out of her driveway 😭😭

its hard to fully explain how fucking weird and bad this date was

One last small thing lmaooo when she put a youtube video on for us to watch she just straight up unblinkingly stared directly at my face to gauge my reactions to it FOR THE ENTIRE VIDEO I STG IF THAT ISNT SERIAL KILLER VIBES DUDE

Im tired, I just wanted headpats but I put myself in danger instead uuuugghhh

Part of it was absurd and almost-funny, I couldn't believe what was happening at times, but it was also mostly just super stressful. Lots of thoughts n anxiety swirling through my silly kitty brain 😖

Im not judging them for being clearly mentally unwell and I really hope they heal and get help for the stuff they're going through.. but also they were an objectively bad person who I need as far away from me as possible!

[samiferboy]

20 Fanfic Author Questions

tagged by @quietwingsinthesky, thanks bug!

1. How many works on AO3?

8 on my current account, 2 on my old one

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

current is 103,882! old account is....over 200k probably

3. Top 5 fics by Kudos

we do not speak of what i wrote when i was 17, so not counting that, it's my joyful rewrite, a really short walten files thing, and my other three lisa fics. my only posted spn fics are really recent so they don't have much lol

4. What fandoms do you write for?

rn i'm like exclusively writing for spn bc the brainrot has consumed me, but i still have a few lisa fic ideas rolling around i might finish someday. i also write warriors fic on occasion. i might write weird lesbian clone fucking for westworld, idk.

5. Do you respond to comments?

mostly! not always, its usually an energy thing. but i deeply appreciate all of them!!!!!!!!!

6. Angstiest Ending?

prrrrobably the weight of us which is just me writing about how brad should not have been someone's father

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

joyful ends with buddy and dustin starting a pacifist society which is pretty happy!

8. Do you get hate?

shockingly even when i was writing extremely problematic stuff (not that my current stuff isn't also hashtag problematic lmao) i never got hate! but i definitely ended up on some blocklists Back In The Day (and probably now as well)

9. Do you write smut?

excessively, yes

10. Do you write crossovers?

sometimes, when one wriggles its way into my brain! but usually i just sit and think about them. i have multiple homestuck crossovers (9, madoka magica, portal, lisa (yes i know), ddlc), and i had a really fun idea for an x files/persona 4 crossover lmao

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of, but my fic from 10 yrs ago was posted on fucking goodreads? which was weird?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

my friend anna and i write shit together sometimes but never anything published

14. All time favourite ship?

oh god. obviously i'm terminally fixated on samifer rn and have been for almost two years, but all time? no idea. i am still insane about chelley and it's been 13 years

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh jesus. an insane amount. i had two ideas for 100k+ samifer fics that i'm very iffy about now but i really really really want to write a longfic for my men so. i will keep brainstorming

16. Writing strengths?

i've been told i'm good at pornography 😎 i also think i'm quite good at dialogue bc i'm a big talker

17. Writing Weaknesses?

action scenes, i am dogshit at those. i also have a hard time with showing not telling when it comes to how people are feeling, i think because i myself have a hard time "reading the room" and understanding how people feel. good ol autism

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

so as a monolingual person i am not the person to ask, but, from my experience talking to people who speak multiple languages, it's not necessarily uncommon to like, switch languages if you're thinking of a thought that you mostly hear in one language and not the other? idk. it's not something i write, and if i do, i'll probably ask my multilingual pals how they think it's best to go about it

19. First fandom you wrote for?

came up with in my head? winnie the pooh, when i was a little bitty baby. actually written? i told this story a while back in some tags, it was for this water dinosaur movie they played at the local science museum. posted? guardians of ga'hoole or warrior cats.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

oh jesus. um. honestly i'm not like, that big of a fan of any of my writing? i'm kind of terribly insecure about it. wahoo. but if you like woundfucking i did just post this a few weeks ago and it's fun!

mutuals who write fic are welcome to do this and tag me so i can read your responses! <3

[puptrefied]

STORYTIME!! when I was fourteen I remember saying to my friends ( and myself ) "I would never like mascs, I only like girly girls." but a year later I met this girl ( R ) that completely fucked me up.

when I first met her and saw the way she sat, all spread and with her hands on her thighs while defending me from a stupid boy I looked at my friend and went "... it's the attitude, not her looks."

she was about my height but she would sit in front of me in class to let me play with her hair and scratch the shaved sides until she fell asleep, she would lay her head on my lap during recess while I told her stupid ass to stop chewing gum because she had braces, I loved when she would talk for 15 minutes about volleyball and her cats even if I didn't really listen and only looked at her hand as it drew on mine. one time she waited until I finished getting ready after p.e. to take my hand and walk out of school together even if she had missed her bus.

we never got to be anything serious, I had issues with her friends who tried to push me everytime we stood next to each other, so we stopped talking, but a bit later people at school started telling me R was obsessed to the point I was all she talked about. my friend heard her say she wished I was like a puppy and followed her around all day which was ¿? ok chill.

after a year, her friend group kind of died so she started talking to me again, she sat with me every class, played with my uniform, liked every single instagram story I appeared in even if it wasn't from my account, she would take pictures of us with silly filters and then look at them for a while. but one day she wanted to show me a meme she sent to her bestfriend ( the one my friend, let's call her A, was dating ) so she went through the chat and I managed to read him sarcastically calling me anorexic bc I'm fat, saying she should put a scale with a weight limit on her front door in case I wanted to visit her. I saw the messages where she laughed and later found out that was the reason A broke up with him and why she hated R.

that shit broke me to the point I relapsed after a whole year, all my effort down the drain because of some childish girl who was ashamed of being seen with me as something other than friends even while texting me that I should be the second mom of her pets and saying if she had to choose one single person to kiss from the whole school it would be me without a second thought.

she would make fun of me with her friends and then be the sweetest girl when we were alone.

I'm pretty sure she did some witchcraft or some shit after I left because she appeared in my dreams and casually was in most places I went to ( we live far away so it was fucking weird she was at my local grocery store. ) for years xDD

fun fact; a year ago I met a girl who looked just like her, she played volleyball, she had an arm tattoo in the same place and she was also called R. it was so creepy because she approached me in the same way. ran away immediately.

but honestly I'm a little bit grateful to have had a crush on R because if I hadn't I would've never given a chance to mascs and rn I wouldn't be saying that if I don't have a butch cuddling in bed with me by the morning I'll jump out a bridge !! ( hmu )

conclusion: situationships do hurt more than relationships and I would rather die than meet someone like her again :3

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

10, 19, 28, 47 for anyone u want???

Ooh tyy<33 from this ask game. jjba oc brained bc i always am<3

19, It's raining, did either of your OCs bring an umbrella? If so, who, and do they share it?

Elena doesnt buy dresses that could be ruined with a little rain but none the less she carries one around, she often travels and doesn't always have time to acquaint herself with the local weather patterns. She will share it with Muro but she will make jokes about how tall he is and refuse to hand over the umbrella so he doesn't have to hunch over to fit under it.

Conficcare is very practical so of course brings an umbrella with him. and of course he refuses to share it with Tesoro or Muro [he will with his fav co-workers tho, or Rametta]

28, Are they affectionate in public? Is it too much?

I've heard people talk about how its obvious if two people have dated before because they are physically close and have an ease of affection with each other, and that 100% applies to Muro & Elena. They weren't very affectionate in public as teens but as adults they subconsciously act quite affectionate before realizing and feeling awkward

Muro & Conficcare, if not angsting over their relationship, have zero personal space or boundaries which means if they are relaxed in public they will act very close and affectionate.

It seems like if Tesoro doesn't have physical contact with someone he will die- hes always got an arm on someones shoulder, letting them lean on him, ect... he keeps it aligned with their public personas around other people but that doesnt stop most of it.

10, How do they make up after a fight?

... they don't lol. stubborn arseholes the lot of them.

Muro & Tesoro each sleep on the sofa after they fight with Conficcare, but if it got nasty Tesoro has to sleep elsewhere and if iit got real nasty Conficcare is staying at his flat and approaching him there ends badly [You have to be invited and if you so much as linger walking past he will get pissed off]

To make up Muro usually apologizes and cooks Conficcares favorites and gives him space. Tesoro can rarely honestly apologize for whatever caused the fight so he very much goes for the space option. Conficcare will never apologize to Tesoro but he might to Muro, usually through being physically close and if Muros lucky he can hear Conficcares whispered apology.

if Muro & Tesoro fight then shits bad bc Muro is usually just disappointed and rolls with his shit, but they 'spar' by essentially letting the other person beat them up. I never said it was healthy making up. Its usually Tesoro getting beaten up and its a way of not verbally apologizing [bc he would be lying 99% of the time] but acknowledging his fault by not fighting back.

47, Who made the first move?

i plan to write something for it but Conficcare ambushed Tesoro walking back from school one day and told him they were now together and laid out the benefits for both of them. In terms of actual romantic moves, Tesoro favored his life and just slowly started doing small romantic gestures till Conficcare got comfortable with them and then he would do slightly more. Many comparisons to befriending a stray cat can be made. Probably in your own head for safety's sake...

Conficcare also made the first move in his and Celias friendship, helping her out in classes [lets just pretend a Vetro and a D'Oro would be sat next to each other in most classes]

Celia pined over Elena for years but Elena made the first actual move and they had a bit of a whirlwind teen romance after that [less cute than it sounds bc it mostly consisted of desperately cling to each other as everything went to shit around them]