#bc she's just trying. she's not here for wars or fighting or conflict

[apollos-boyfriend]

icarus pretty pls explain as much as u can of jaidens pov (and roiers if u can) i have no time at all and i wanna feel ur emoceans

YES i am late to answer but here is the gist of what happened (under the cut because OH BOY this got long):

jaiden spent the first hour-ish of stream out with bobby trying to find onions bc she needed them to make him roast chicken and complete the task of feeding the egg a food that starts with r. because of this, she and bobby were somewhat far away from the main area when things started going to shit

when she heard what was going on, she ran back home, both to have a bunker to hunker down in, and because tilin was still in their home due to having stayed over the night prior for a sleepover

tilin's still asleep when she gets back. bad drops by and further explains some of the situation. jaiden is Extremely panicked, but is reassured by roier messaging that he'll be logging on soon

tilin wakes up as bad drops by again. bad explains that he's going to go out and try to talk some sense into charlie, leaving dapper with jaiden for his safety. jaiden is now alone with three eggs and a madman on the loose.

one of the eggs asks what's going on. she cautiously explains that there was an accident with juanaflippa, and that her father is dealing with it in a less-than-ideal way. she herds the three down into the basement (behind a locked door for safety), distracting them by giving them seeds to plant and trying to not let her anxieties show for the sake of the kids

roier logs on. jaiden instantly runs out to greet him (attempts to, at the least, as he doesn't spawn in their house), hurriedly explaining the situation and the state of things. roier nearly instantly calms most of her worries, assuring her that they'll be alright. the eggs can defend themselves. charlie is just one man desperate for love and family. he's more dangerous to himself than he is to them.

bad and fit return to the house. there are now four eggs within.

charlie arrives. he's kind of instantly taken down by everyone in the house, rendered down to half a heart as they take him outside to talk him down. he places down a landmine that jaiden accidentally steps on, luckily only killing him. they remove all mines and weapons from his body in case he returns for them

everyone somewhat disperses. tilin stays with roier, jaiden, and bobby, not fully sure where their dad is (and not fully sure if they want to get back to him). the four of them sit around the campfire as roier tells the kids stories, which eventually turns into the two adults discussing tilin's current situation.

roier and jaiden end up coming to the conclusion of adopting tilin in a sort of co-parenting way. they're not taking them away from quackity, but also naming themselves as their caretakers and welcoming them into their family

bobby does not like this. bobby is very happy with being an only child. he starts a fight with tilin, one that he ends up winning, leading to tilin's death message appearing in chat. jaiden and roier quickly revive them, calming the two eggs down. roier chides bobby, saying he's plenty loved by both of them, and them taking in tilin doesn't mean they'll love him any less. there's no reason to be jealous.

quackity reaches out to jaiden, basically announcing a war against her and roier. because of charlie messaging him earlier, he mistakenly believes that she and roier have kidnapped tilin and are torturing them (further pushed by their death message in chat). jaiden tries to explain the situation, but quackity won't hear it

they return to the group, questioning quackity's rage. charlie admits to having given q the idea while in his rage, and the group sets out to find q so charlie can explain the situation (my memory gets a bit hazy on the sequence of events from here on out, so i apologize as things may be out of order)

they find q and explain the situation. he no longer wants to kill roier and jaiden, but the tension is still there.

the group discusses the prospect of bringing juanaflippa back through a trial. jaiden breaks off at points to hang around tilin, who reveals their fears that their dad doesn't love them, and how they only want a family in the sense that bobby, roier, and jaiden have. jaiden attempts to assure them that that's not the case, that quackity does love them (he was SO worried when he thought they were kidnapped), but tilin doesn't feel fully convinced.

after asking like, everyone else and being turned down, charlie asks if jaiden will be his lawyer for the trial on wednesday. she agrees, despite having no knowledge of the law. she wants to help charlie in any way she can, and vows to do her best.

as everyone once again split up to go their separate ways, roier and jaiden talk. most importantly, jaiden questions why spreen is allowed into their basement, when she wasn't given permissions until the night prior. roier explains the full situation, from starting it as a community house to spreen killing his dog, and how he vows to get his revenge. jaiden listens intently, assuring him that she's on his side and will be there to back him up and support him when he needs it. they name themselves as the only normal family of the server.

returning to quackity, jaiden finds him and charlie drinking. quackity semi-snaps at tilin, stating that he's trying his best, he's just busy, okay? jaiden semi-snaps back, bringing up that tilin doesn't even think he loves them, and that when tilin jumped off the wall earlier, he didn't even go to revive them--she and charlie did. fit breaks the tense atmosphere by yelling "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" in the background

jaiden walks a drunk charlie home, tucking him into bed. the two recite a bedtime story together (a decade in blue by eiffel 65) until the sun rises.

[randomnameless]

Why do the FEH devs insist on ignoring Nabatean lore so much?

I recently had a surprisingly cordial discussion on redshit with someone about the "nabateans = colonisers" take, and one of the main points raised was that the game was purposedly foggy around Nabateans/Sothis/their story because it would obviously favor a certain narrative (and thus make another narrative look, uh, not that marketable anymore).

To be honest, we still ended up with a product that had a lead go "this race and its blood* is the reason why the world sucks" and yet that lead is still marketable enough to have raunchy cipher cards and 5 FEH alts, so I actually wonder if, while pissing on that lore had that purpose, it was ultimately pointless since Supreme Leader can still sell goodies despite her incarnation in FE16.

And not only Supreme Leader - but the entirety of WC where we basically have 70% of the cast crying/complaining about their "mixed blood" or lack of and basically adding their 10 cents to the "this race and its blood is the reason why the world sucks".

I mean, can you imagine Sylvain selling any goodies and alts if Flayn replied to his "wah wah people only are kind to me and want to fuck me because I have Nabatean blood :(" by some uncharacteristic "good for you, I have to hide my ears, had to dye my hair, have to lie about my family because if the truth is found out about my identity, I will be hunted and vivisected like an animal and harvested for parts by people who call my kin abominations - just like what happens in the game where the same people who call my kin "abominations" ally with a classmate who calls me a creature and pretends I am incapable of human feelings based on my race".

FE Fodlan's main selling point is its cast of students, for various reasons, but even if I tried to kid myself, Nopes and FEH made it clears : students are the main selling point.

If you spare more time and attention to the Nabatean plot/lore, the students either grow from "likeable" to "despicable" or worse, you won't gaf about them because yeah sure, Hilda might be upset because people expect things from her due to her crust, but it would feel like a "peanut" compared to Seteth's irrational (granted, it's not so irrational since GW exists) fear that Flayn's newest friends would dissect her if they learnt she was a Nabatean, and being conflicted by finally letting her have human friends and form bonds she crave, or protect her due to the trauma from the genocide of their species.

Don't get me wrong, I love peanuts, I mean, not everyone can have a tragik of loaded backstory!

And yet, given how this verse's DNA is "can you fight against the red emperor who uwus about you", they had to add copious amounts of Earl Grey to their games so there's no clear-cut factions :

The "Your alien blood and its influence on the world corrupted it, so I want to reform it under my command" vs "I don't want to die and you oppose me due to my race and side with the people who genocided my kin"

is turned to :

"Your alien blood Crests and its your church's influence on the world corrupted it, so I want to reform it under my command"

"I don't want to die and you oppose me due to my race and side with the people who genocided my kin"

Sprinkle with the cast's hammering here and there that the "reforms" might be needed - but never develop on what they are - and add a few baseless and groundless takes as a toping (basically everything Claude says about tolerance and the general "isolationism/foreign policy" stuff) and you get FE Fodlan where the Red Emperor's war isn't seen as the catastrophe it is in the other entries from the series!

Now, for FEH...

FWIW, the F!F!Billy's trailer had them try to explain that Sothis was a bit pissed about her slaughtered/massacred children when Nopes never gave any reason about why she was pissed - maybe on Billy's behalf bcs Jerry's dead, but come on, she would indeed deserve the medal of the worst parent in the franchise if that was the case, since Billy can murder her daughter without Sothis taking over ! - but given that they cannot write/go against the source game those characters are from.

They tried a bit, with B!Supreme Leader and Hegemongard's FB, but then it stopped (because she had no "new unit" released since then lol) and I can understand why : Hegemongard came out before the Supreme Emblem, and Hegemongard hates dragons who are seen/perceived as gods by some of their human followers. Come FE17, and now Supreme Emblem accepts Alear because they are "one of the good ones". We can come up with HCs and details and talk about what are emblems or if Hegemongard's views were only hers at the end of AM all day long... But imo, Doylist wise, it still feels it's a retcon because the devs from the main games tried to scrap and remove the most "controversial" traits she had.

For the other characters... Well, you see what Marianne is in FEH (but even in her base games), she's one of the few characters who reacts - in a way - to the partial history about relics and demonic beasts and all... only to give sad uwus to Maurice.

FE16 (and Nopes) refused to have any "student" character react to the Nabatean lore/reveal, about what are relics and all. There are no lines, Claude shared some knowledge in the explore section of VW's last chapter, but we don't have anyone muse or think or even talk about what are relics, what are crests, and what kind of fuckery their ancestors or the ancient humans of Fodlan did.

With that in mind, FEH can't do much : either they write Marianne in a retcon-y way like what happened for Hegemongard (and they're not afraid to piss on characterisation, look at Lyon!), or they flanderise her "character" and develop her around 3 lines she had in the game in her paralogue, and continue to give sad uwus about Momo when he was at best a guy who slaughtered and murdered so much that he abused the Nabatean turned into a relic to the point where he turned in a demonic beast even if he had a matching crest, or at worst, had been part of Nemesis's piñata party in Zanado and was something of a genocider.

Tldr :

Why FE Fodlan never gaf about Nabateans : earl grey + the marketable cast has to stay marketable and you can't sell peanuts at the same price you'd sell swordfish

Why FEH dgaf about Nabatean lore : they can't afford to retcon characters + they have to sell peanut alts with the same seasoning they had in their base game.

For what it's worth though, I think FEH is more daring than the base game(s) given how they gave more lines and screentime to Rhea - through her different alts - than GW. And they even designed her Halloween!alt's lines to piss on some of Claude's assertions, while the various FB involving members of the church also - indirectly - reply to some accusations thrown their way in FE16 when, FE16, never gave them an opportunity or lines to explain that those takes were full of dung.

*"but random, maybe she doesn't know that the crests she often decries is "dragon blood"!"

It's highly debatable, especially given what she and Hubert throw to Billy in CF - but even if she doesn't, Doylist wise we still have a character who, knowingly or not, says "this race and its blood* is the reason why the world sucks" and who is never called out on her prejudice. That's more of an issue regarding the general writing though, she has to be a red emperor and took pages from Ashnard's book, and yet, the player must still feel bad and want to romance her, so her mindest/goal cannot be looked at too closely, because, I guess, even the devs thought it would be difficult to romance her (thus sell goodies!) if more light was shed on the "blood from this race corrupts our people" schtick -> which in turn would also make characters whose backstory and gimmick rely on "crying about crests" be way less likeable, thus marketable and able to sell goodies.

[animazi]

icl i fundamentally disagree with the 'oh the acolyte shows anakin could have left the order anyway actually so he's so much worse bc he had an easy way out the whole time' discussions I've been seeing, because, like. literally why is this even a topic of discussion? ok ok hang with me here, I'm doing a list.

there is literally nothing in the prequels that suggests this is ever an option for him. up until shmi's death he is happy with the order - most of the problems he expresses come specifically from his relationship with obi-wan not the jedi generally, so why would he want to leave. once shmi dies, sure I getcha. his mum died and the jedi have a significant hand in that, and then he immediately breaks the code and does a massacre. however, and some may have missed this, its a fairly small plot point, the clone wars begin. anakin is not only never characterised as the sort of guy who would back out of this conflict (esp since he was involved from the get go), but also there is literally no time between anything - aotc and rots take place over such short time spans, comparatively; we see quite literally All the events happening at once.

so why doesn't he quit in tcw/rots? again. there is a war on and he is directly involved. tcw shows him as having made personal connections with the clones, and if there's one thing about anakin that everyone should be able to agree on its that he sure has attachments. also, again, rots takes place over such a short span of time and he is fairly clearly not in the best place in like fucking any of it

it probably wouldn't even fix anything bro. anakin is not the central turning point of the war, not really. that's palpatine. with or without anakin palpatine still gets the war, and realistically if anakin leaves the order then war breaks out, he is going to turn to palpatine as one of the only people he is close to, and ergo probably falls anyway. maybe he doesn't kill the younglings but like. shit still happens, jedi still get order 66'd

No Please Understand One Busy And Isolated Woman Is Not A Full Support Network Stop It. ok so. padme isolation is something that I fully see in the films. I will not yap on about that now, but take it as read for this point (although. even if she has a great and healthy support network that is not the issue! you are still saying that padme, who has a very busy job and her own life regardless, should functionally drop everything to support anakin). a key part of support networks is that they are a network aka not one woman. look me dead in the eyes and think anakin and obi-wan (already not having a great communicative relationship) are still talking after he leaves. go on. try. realistically speaking once the war starts anakin is in an, if anything, worse position - his fatherbrothermentor is out there fighting and he cannot help, his wife is barely home, the senate is always busy, and he is so so jobless (again. here is where palpatine would swoop in...bro cannot win fr fr). and Again, One (1) Padme Should Not Be Responsible For Dealing With The Entirely Of Anakin's Issues. stop it.

I don't actually have a full point 5 rn I just like it when the numbers do this :3

so bonus not-quite point: tcw and the acolyte both explicitly say the jedi don't prep you for the outside world if you leave the order, transferable skills etc etc BUT ALSO does your ex-jedi have any records of employment? any space gcses or a-levels or space degrees? a letter of recommendation? are they actually skilled enough in say mechanics/engineering to be able to survive in a world where droids exist and clearly have a huge presence in those sectors? any any money to help them get a flat or smth (not applicable in anakin's case but worth saying anyway)?

in short. I don't think it's a fair point to make when criticising anakin. it relies on a really weird reading of the prequels that misses a) the war, b) palpatine, c) the inherent misogyny of putting the wellbeing of anakin, guy who is hanging on the same thread as my sanity after exam week, entirely in the hands of one woman, d) the lack of regard for how support networks are, in fact, networks, e) how fast everything happens in the prequels

[mae-i-scribble]

I rewatched a few of the early episodes of spyfam today bc getting to see the movie gave me an itch to scratch, and in particular episode two made me finally able to conceptualize what about fandom twiyor that irks me so deeply. If you like widespread fandom interpretations of them I would uh, look away bc none of my opinions on it are positive.

Episode 2 of the spyfam anime remains one of my favorites because of all the little flourishes the studios add to sell you on Yor as a character while also expanding a bit on the manga's original commentary on the stigma that follows older single women. What draws Yor and Loid together as a family is that neither of them are capable of having conventional relationships. Both of them are war orphans forced to grow up far too soon and who threw away aspects of their humanity to fight for what they believe to be a better world. While Loid's position as a spy and mastery of deception allows him to avoid the stigmas that would come from the ordinary person discovering what he does, that is not something that holds true for Yor, whose weakest point is that she simply cannot understand "normal." She's aware of the way her coworkers demean her and insult her but can do nothing about it because her only conflict resolution skill is murder. She is constantly reminded that she is an outsider, hence why Loid's declaration at the party is so meaningful to her, and what convinces her to ask him to continue the facade as a married couple.

Underneath it all however, is a quiet showcase of amatonormativity that drove both Loid and Yor to their arrangement. Eden requires a student to have a perfectly nuclear family. Societal conventions dictate that Yor, happily single at 27, is someone pathetic (to her coworkers) or someone in need of help (to her brother). Marriage is an expectation that Yor is pressured to commit to, and a societal requirement that Loid must uphold for the sake of his mission. And while this showcase begins in episode 2 it is something that spyfam continues to highlight when it comes to the expectations both Loid and Yor struggle to meet when they try to hard/become to anxious over what is "expected" as a married couple vs what the other person is actually thinking/feeling.

Now, what the fuck does this have to do with fandom you ask? Here's the thing. Spyfam reached the broad range of anime fans when it exploded in popularity, which is when I started engaging with it beyond just comments on the latest manga chapters. Modern fandom already has the issue of classifying ships into tropes rather than actually like, shipping characters as they are. And that's exactly what happened with twiyor. People began going "oh my gosh this is the moment she fell for loid," "oh he's so in love with her just look at him," before we had even reached episode 10. Which was incredibly frustrating to me because clearly Loid and Yor are not anywhere near in love that soon in the story- and the basis for that frustration starts in episode 2 for me. Because Loid and Yor's marriage is one that is unconventional from the very beginning, and it is that factor that defines their dynamic an allows them to function as healthily and sweetly as they do. People don't need to be in love to be married or to be a parental unit. None of that requires romantic love, it is simply an expectation of our society, the same sort of expectation that cripples Yor and makes her think she has to find a partner, then that she has to find a husband to appease those around her. Seeing that completely erased in a large portion of art/commentary/fics written about them angers me because its something baked into the foundation of their dynamic and something I feel enhances them as a potential romantic pairing rather than detracts from it. But we can't have that because of course a man and woman living together and caring for a kid fell in love almost immediately.

And don't even get me started on how people misinterpret Loid for their far more romantic interpretations of his motivations and relationship with Anya and Yor or else I will start losing teeth from how hard I am clenching my jaw

[saturnniidae]

astrid for the character ask game?

(p.s deya you are so cool)

YAYAUAY I LOVE YAMMERING ABKJT ASTRID (ALSO TYSM???)

Favorite thing about her: the way she cares so deeply for people but is bad at showing it and has the most diabolical case of cuteness aggression I fear I've ever seen. She expresses her love for her friends through actions like protecting them.

Least favorite thing: How she only has like one episode (the flighttmare episode where shes trying to regain her famliys honor. off the top of my head) dedicated solely to her, and all her other development being linked to Hiccup in some way and how she's slowly just reduced to 'supportive gf' in the later movies.

Favorite line: "Our parents war is about to become ours! Figure out which side you're on." Because it just tells you so much about her character. She's essentially a child soldier, well they all are, but the others still goof off, yknow, like kids are supposed to?? Astrid allows herself 0 moments of weakness (respite) and puts everything before herself to ensure berks safety.

BrOTP: I already talked about her and Snotlout, so how about her and Fishlegs? Like they their moments of silliness in that one rtte ep where he helped her look for a betrothal gift and her helping him protect the dramillions. It shows they have such a bond you'd think would be kind of unlikely but then it's like. Never talked about again and it makes me mad bc they're such best friends :(

(let Astrid have friends outside of Hiccup challenge: FAILED)

OTP: Her and Hiccup. Or Heather. Heathstrid is more of a 'it's cute and makes sense' ship than one I'm genuinely invested in tbh bc I don't think Heather needs a love interest, so ig hiccstrid since I'm more invested in it. (or specifically the version that lives in my head)

NOTP: idk. I saw her shipped with viggo once. That was Interesting (boo throws tomatoes👎👎)

Random headcanon:

Now knowing their war with the dragons was essentially pointless, she feels like she wasted her childhood. Had someone only realized and ended it sooner, she wouldn't have spent all her time training instead of being happy. Also she's trans <33

(Astrid child soldier Hofferson you grew up too fast. The dragon war ended only for her to be thrust into another conflict (war with viggo) shortly after but it's not like she's complaining. I feel like she spent so much time training to fight, she barely knows how to just. Be.)

Also. She keeps a little handkerchief in that pouch on her belt to wipe her hands after holding Hiccup's. Sweaty ass palms.

Also also, I feel like she has a slightly strained relationship with her parents and siblings and her uncle is her closest famliy member.

Unpopular opinion:

Sheshould get to be silly and be allowed to kind of suck sometimes. Let her be kind of a bitch with no remorse!!! let her be goofy sometimes!!!

Song I associate her with:

There's a few

Crab - Alex g (specifically her and Hiccup in the 1st movie and before it), The Wedding List - Kate Bush and The Calling - The Amazing Devil

(I've always interpreting The Calling as moving on from a desire to please and being blinded to other important aspects of life due to to one's obsession with strength, reflecting on that and starting anew which I feel fits her)

Favorite picture:

She looks so happy here it makes my chest hurt (gotnf is fhe best depiction of Astrid in all of httyd outside the first movie. I'll die in this hill)

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

So you've mentioned before that Zuko doesn't show any sexist behaviors but I'd like to point out a few scene just to see how you feel about them.

"You have quite the appitite for a girl." A very tropey sexist statement (which, yes, is played for laughs and I don't think he meant it as an insult but it does show that he has an idea of how girls either should be or usually are)

"Nice try Avatar, but these little girls can't save you." I can't really recall him ever saying anything similar about male warriors? I know there aren't really a lot of examples of male warriors that Zuko fights, but it still feels very,,, pointed and focused on the girls part.

"I'll save you from the pirates." "Looks like somebody found herself a master." These are both very patronizing lines that he says toward Katara, but he never says anything similar to Sokka or Aang (Aang I can dismiss bc he's just a prize, not an 'enemy', plus, Zuko tends to go for racist comments instead) or like, any other male, ever?

"I thought girls liked these kinds of things." Once again, is played for laughs at social ineptitude but again, shows a 'all girls are the same' mindset

Him picking at Ty Lee also felt very misogynistic to me? Like he was looking down of feminine behavior.

"What is with you?" As he is frusterated that Katara hasn't automatically forgiven him, yet to Aang he is very humble and genuinely tries to prove himself as well as accepting the lack of forgiveness as just due and offering himself as prisoner. Again, he just doesn't show the same amount of respect to Katara as he does to Aang or Sokka.

Like, any of these on their own, I could dismiss for one reason or another, but when the examples pile up it shows itself as a pattern of viewing women as intrinsically different from men, expectant of 'womanly behavior', dismissive of feminimity, and dismissive of female threats.

I love Zuko, but I definitely see this as one of his flaws and something he's got to get over along with the rest of the bullshit he was indoctrinated with. (Which is one reason I love his and Katara's friendship because like, if there was anyone who's Not Gonna Stand For That Shit, it's Katara ksbdjdnd)

Let me split the difference here

Not sexist, just an asshole

Zuko picked on Ty Lee because, much like IROH, she was a cheery person that was trying to get Zuko to lighten up or at least stop with all the unnecessary rage, angst and aggressiveness. We also see him get pissed at ALL OF HIS FRIENDS and physically attacking Aang in the finale because they're goofing around instead worrying about the war like he is.

When Zuko thinks happiness is not acceptable, he lashes out at any living thing. Boy literally snapped at a frog for not indulging in his angst to confront his current/former enemies and apologize to them. It's really not fair to act like he was picking on Ty Lee in particular, and that the ONLY reason for it was "girly girl" - especially when "The Beach" literally has Zuko himself reach the conclusion that he is lashing out at everyone else to deal with the fact that he's angry at HIMSELF, HIS actions, HIS doubts, HIS conflicting feelings. This is not about Ty Lee at all.

The same can be said about his entitlement to Katara's forgiveness. He offered to be the prisoner of ALL OF THEM when he was trying to make amends, and when they all rejected him, Katara very much included, he accept it.

Then Toph, Aang and Sokka all came around, forgived and befriended him. Everyone was chill with him. Everyone, except Katara. She was the odd one out, the constant reminder that it was not gonna be that easy to let the past stay in the past.

Zuko was trying his best to be a better person, but old habits die hard, and there was a person not doing what was more convenient for him, so he threw a tantrum. There is nothing special about that person being Katara, or any girl.

"Looks like somebody found herself a master" was also not at all about gender. Zuko mocked Aang for being "just a child" and for not having a father. He also humiliated Sokka in the first episode. OF COURSE he'd try to taunt Katara during fights.

And she DID get a master. We saw it happen. Aang was already a master of air (the element he used the most in fights), Sokka only got one in book 3. Their power-level remained the same, Katara's changed, right after she reached the North Pole, specifically to look for a waterbending master - for Aang, sure, but it's her element too, and Zuko KNOWS that she stole a scroll and used to teach herself. Zuko connecting the dots is not him assuming that a woman can only improve if she has the help of a man, it's just him having a brain.

He isn't mocking her for being a girl that needed to be taught by a man, he is mocking her for thinking she could defeat him, even after a power up - typical battle taunt, that Zuko engages in ALL the time, with basically every foe he goes up against.

And that also ties into:

Not sexist, just "Villain Talk"

Taunts like calling the Kyoshi Warriors "little girls" that can't protect the Avatar, or mocking Katara for finding herself in a situation of "damsel in distress" with the pirates, COULD reveal that Zuko is sexist and, much like Sokka and Pakku, didn't believe women could be competent fighters... if we didn't know him.

Zuko literally grew up with AZULA, someone who, in his own words, is a prodigy that is good at everything, does stuff with ease, and can be compared to the freaking Avatar. He and Iroh literally agree that it's less dangerous to risk it all traveling through the Earth Kingdom than risking being captured by her.

He never has any issue or doubt regarding Azula, Mai and Ty Lee as fighters. He doesn't throw a tantrum over needing June's help with his new plan to capture Aang. He SAYS he doesn't respect Katara as a fighter, but he's constantly in battle mode whenever he's around the any member of the Gaang, yes, even Katara, by herself.

Zuko, as a villain, says shit he doesn't mean ALL THE TIME. We see him use Ozai's line of "I'll teach you respect" against a member of his own crew, and say that the safety of said crew doesn't matter - and then go and save the guy's life. He says he'll give Zhao a scar, and doesn't do it even after Zhao tells him to AND calls him a coward.

Zuko thinks he needs to be aggressive, piss people off, and even be downright cruel, because that's what he was taught - but deep down that's not what he wants to be, nor what he already is. The same applies to his lines that imply he doesn't think women can be competent fighters. He knows that's not true, but he thinks he needs to act like that, to "play that role" because he literally was disfigured for NOT being cruel, for NOT treating people as disposable, for NOT wanting to fight, for NOT posturing as "macho", for NOT acting like he was better than everyone.

Sexist VS Sixteen/Clueless

"You have quite the appitite for a girl" and "I thought girls liked these kinds of things" feel, to me, like more of a result of Zuko being VERY clueless about social interactions and kind of relying on "tried and tested" stuff that most people around him tend to say/expect.

If you want to count that as being sexist instead of just said something sexist without meaning to, fine - but then it's time to revoke Katara's crown of "feminist queen." She was super happy when Toph joined the Gaang because she wanted someone to agree with her that some of Sokka and Aang's jokes/behaviors were immature and/or gross. TOPH. The character that is very clearly not all that feminine when she has a say on the matter and is the time to literally spit during a fight to show her disdain for the oponent, something Katara was already supposed to have learned two episoddes before.

And while you didn't mention that line, in the finale, when Zuko asks Katara to help him "put Azula in her place", Katara doesn't snap at him for supposedly being sexist (and I personally don't think this was about gender, just about their bitter rivalry and that idea that he can only truly succeed if she fails, and vice-versa) but a lot of the "Zuko is sexist" uses that as evidence, yet they never seem to care that, according to that interpretation of the scene, Katara is being complicit in Zuko's sexism towards his sister.

Oh, and Sokka, who was supposed to have unlearned sexism after the Kyoshi episode, told Aang not to answer to "twikle toes" because it wasn't manly. He also told him that, to win a girl over, you can't be too nice. It's played off for jokes and meant to make him look clueless, just like Zuko's scene with Jin.

If we're gonna call Zuko sexist for passing comments that are nowhere near as relevant as the way he is shown to consistently not treat women differently than he treats men, we're gonna have to do the same to every character - and reach the conclusion that even Katara is sexist.

Now, onto the inevitable question of:

"Does that mean the show itself is sexist?"

As some of you might have noticed, I tend to place "said something that can be taken as sexist" in a different category to "legitimately has sexist beliefs/behaviors on a very constant basis." I know that's not how everyone looks at these things, but I genuinely think it's the most accurate way to describe the nuances of it all.

I'd say Avatar is a show that has MOMENTS that could be seen as a little sexist, but overall it very clearly, and proudly, took the stance of "women deserve as much respect as men", and fully expected the audience to see the characters as equals, with the things like their genders not mattering to how one thinks of them. For that, I'd say it's unfair to label it as sexist just because of the odd questionable scene. It's taking the exceptions and trying to pass them off as the rule.

And I think the same logic applies to Zuko as a character. He has moments in which he might demonstrate some light sexism (or even intentionally fake sexism to piss someone off), but if you look at the real context and pattern, it's clear that even as a villain he never actually seem to treat women differently from men - it just so happens that when he was a bad guy he, naturally, wasn't used to treat people well. He was a jerk, but he was a jerk to EVERYBODY, all the time, no distinction made.

[sugarsnappeases]

PLEASE tell me about marytunia. i have to know what this is

hi lovely!!!!

okay marytunia have recently been SO on my mind bc i saw @fernhelm tag a post w them the other day and i was like HOLD ON!! I SEE IT!! and THEN i had a vague recollection of jen talking about them one time last year at some point so the two of them have been subjected to some of my ramblings bc i was struck down by divine intervention like last week and have been obsessing a little....

but okay so for me the general vibe is very tangled up w the evans sisters dynamics and just lily in general which is all v ouch. i kinda see them actually as two parts of her life like petunia is a huge part lily’s childhood and mary is a huge part of lily’s time at hogwarts so she’s this presence between them even if she’s not actually there and there’s a lot of like resentment and yearning and jealousy etc etc

like petunia is fighting w herself the whole way through it (nothing i love more than some good old internal conflict) bc she shouldn’t want this!! she’s planned out a nice, perfect, normal life for herself that she’s convinced herself she has to like, she will like it, which doesn’t involve magic or witches or her sister and mary is really putting a spanner in the works and petunia shouldn’t want it, she can’t want it, but there’s just something so magnetic about mary that she can’t quite seem to escape, and it’s like maybe magic can be good?? can be beautiful?? bc mary is so beautiful?? but then also i think mary has complicated thoughts about magic which i’m not gonna get into here lol

but anyway mary is maybe just kinda curious at first i think. like maybe there’s some unrequited marylily so she has a bit of a crush and just wants to find out everything about lily and she has this sister and petunia’s just so interesting and it’s fun to try and get her to laugh at her jokes when she’s obviously trying to completely ignore her and she just finds herself slowly trying to get her attention every time she’s at the evans’ house, like she’s going there to see glimpses of petunia rather than to spend time w lily and she’s suddenly like oh!

and idk they’re just very interesting to me bc as i said resentment longing jealousy and like there’s vernon and dudley and the war and lily’s death and i just. like they really compel me yk??? there’s a lot of complexity there that i just wanna like dig my fingers into

[andiinaraethtash]

please tell me about your favorite wip ?

Dude that is like the hardest question you could ask. I'm gonna say top three (though one is a bit cheaty bc it's a series rather than a single wip, but none of the parts of the series are done, so the whole series is a series of wips. It counts).

To Ash and Dust--Okay, I love this one, and it has great angst and humor just built into it. Basically the premise is that the Battle at the Acropolis in BoO goes very, very badly, to the point that they completely lose, so the Fates, in what little time they have, basically do a massive loop with the threads of Fate for the surviving heroes--meaning, of course, Percy and Annabeth. They wake up like. A few weeks before Annabeth, Luke, Thalia, and Grover make it to camp, and of course Annabeth has very conflicting emotions about Luke, bc on the one hand, she did love him, and he did sorta redeem himself, but on the other he betrayed her and got so many of her friends killed. Percy, meanwhile, woke up at the apartment he and his mom, who is dating Gabe at this point, share, and immediately is like, "idk whats going on but i need to get somewhere safe" and so he sneaks out and calls a pegasus to take him to camp. He shows up, giving Chiron a heart attack followed by a migraine, refuses to tell him pretty much anything, just his name, and then waits until Annabeth and the others get there, and in the middle of the storm, proceeds to take down as many monsters as possible to get the other four into the safety of the camp. Bear in mind, he is seven. And a kinda scrawny seven at that. Annabeth's immediate reaction is to just kinda squawk, "Seaweed Brain?" and he grins and shoots back, "Hey, Wise Girl," and Thalia, whose pov that section is written from, is like. "wtf how does Annabeth know this kid, why is this seven-year-old kicking so much ass, and also holy Styx that is a seven-year-old--" That's about as far as I've written, but there are other fun moments in store, though I've yet to decide what to actually do with Luke. (Advice would be appreciated :D)

And Yet, a Second Try--This is the one I've been working on for the last couple of days, and I'm sort of going back to my roots here, with a Star Wars time travel au. Basically, Obi-Wan and Anakin both wake up, a few months after the year on the run happens, in their younger bodies (Obi-Wan is like. 19, and Anakin is three) but the last thing they remember is their respective deaths. Neither knows the other is back, and Obi-Wan doesn't know that Anakin redeemed himself. So Obi-Wan almost immediately sneaks off to Tatooine, so he can rescue Anakin and Shmi both, and of course Anakin is suspicious, bc why is Obi-Wan here now, he's not supposed to be here now, but he doesn't say anything... at least not until some of the other kids are talking and one of them echoes that line that Anakin says in TPM, the "no one can kill a Jedi" and Anakin just. Gets up and leaves without a word, and he vanishes in the three seconds Obi-Wan and Shmi don't have eyes on him, and Obi-Wan manages to find him and they kind of both realise that they remember the future, and there's a lot of crying. It's very cathartic.

The Obani Chronicles--so this is the wip series, and my gosh, when I say this is a labor of love, I mostly mean it's a labor. There are several parts to it, some that are like. Alternate universes to the main one? Anyway--It's focused on an oc of mine, Kestrel Obani, or Kes, who was a Padawan, friends with Cal and Caleb. When Order 66 went out, she barely managed to escape in a fighter, then commandeered a pirate ship in the middle of an asteroid belt, set the autopilot of the fighter she'd stolen to shoot through the belt so it would crash, and successfully faked her death. She manages to lie low until shortly before the events of JFO, when she gets turned over to the Inquisitors after having to use the Force to escape a fight against a gang on Nar Shaddaa. So she's in the Fortress Inquisitorius when Cal and Cere break in, and manages to escape in the chaos, meeting up with Cal and Cere, who don't recognize her immediately (it's been five years and escaping the cell she'd been in had required an explosion which had burnt the left side of her face, neck and shoulder). After they escape, Cal is unconscious (bc he got skewered by his own lightsaber) so there's no reunion, but Kes gets to meet Merrin and Oh, Boy, do I love their dynamic. Merrin doesn't trust her, and she doesn't trust Merrin, and then they just sorta bond over how danger-prone Cal is, and of course once Cal does wake up there's that whole reunion, and that's about the summary of the first part of the series. From there, the main storyline has like. Two more main parts, and one that kinda explains where Kes was during the events of the second game, bc I am not going to try to rewrite that, thank you very much. In part two, they get a group of visitors on Koboh who call themselves the Spectres, which is so much fun. Part three covers the events of Ahsoka, which I did rewrite a little bc I have Thoughts about how that would go if Kes and the others were involved. Anyway I love them all so much and as much as I want to share this series with everyone, literally none of the parts are finished, so...

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

*PATIENTLY WAITS FOR THE INDIAN LOSTBELT KING REWRITE FOR YOU*

Concepts I’ve thought about

-theme of lostbelt focusing on ‘guilt and memory’ but like this time more obvious

-something something instead of it being ‘just’ the lokapala arjuna alter is unconsciously trying to recreate his own siblings/family with them, though this means instead of kubera/nezha the ashwins would be used possible w a twin servant, or they’d be moved over to asclepius and someone else would get yama

-lb appears to be stuck in the time right b4 the kurukhestra war, cycling over and over in an effort to ‘prevent’ it despite it already in f having

-ashwatthama actively chooses to join arjuna alters side? Instead of the torture thing, as an exploration/continuation of the theme of ‘guilt,’ deciding to side with the people he hurt even if they’re now in the wrong as well out of a desperate attempt to try and right something that could never be fixed out of a nostalgia for a relationship long lost

-parallels between lakshmi bai giving up her life for her country and the youth of hastinapur giving up theirs for theirs? Idk I just feel like some line could’ve been done. Especially bc she also left a young child behind

-karna being forced to confront what ‘good intentions poor execution’ truly means as he witnesses people he knew and respected become warped beyond recognition, being forced to acknowledge his own role in enabling the conflict, once again having to come to terms with his tendency to enable and prioritize his pride and own desires over his common sense

-by which i mean I’ve considered subbing out karna alter over douman just bc it would be funny to have the more og text canon warhawk karna see some fucked up arjuna and be like ‘hey you should keep doing that :)’ while his lancer version is in the bg like ‘bruh’

- focus on the repetitive nature of the cycles, how and why they were reset, what that meant for arjuna alter’s psyche. Really hammer in the increasing isolation and disconnect, and the growing agitation as the inherent nature of humans prevented a world with no conflict no matter what he did or how hard he tried. Talk about what happened to his family and the other gods, and the thousands of years ago. Do a this chair monologue idk something

-parallels between arjuna alter and Asha as people who’s families were torn apart, who struggle to conceptualize their grief as they can’t even remember it. Let them talk at some point.

-look if rama comes into the lostbelt asking about his wife you can at least superimpose her sprite in the sky at the end after arjuna alter dies and have her be like ‘cool I’m not mixed w 400 other gods now. Sorry I can’t hang love you bby xoxo’ like cmon

- I want to see arjuna alter get MAD. Make him cry and scream about how unfair it all is it’s bullshit that it was karna. I want him to rail again the unfairness of having to kill your kin, of how no matter how much you destroy it will never create peace, of how the world he was in was destined to head to a bloody war, just SOMETHING

-let us run koyanskya over w the shadowborder. For fun

-if we have to endure kiara’s 400 hour buddhism monologue then can’t rama explain some like, basic aspects of Hindu theology to us. Why hasn’t that happened yet. Huh?

- you know how the boss fights from Greece-> onwards have their name in that countries’s script? Yeah something in like Sanskrit for here pls

-let us have an actual dialogue w arjuna alter

-let us actually see douman and arjuna alter interact.

-idk fuckin uhhh if Krishna was the guy who allegedly junao was able to absorb everyone through can we like. See what his deal is? In a flashback? Please?

-mention gilgamesh flies his vimana wrong for me. personally

-have a third party who knew arjuna who isn’t karna/ashwa/biased there to talk about what he was like. Idk Bhisma drona someone just let us see more facets of him so we can understand how he got to this state

-hammer in the memory issues. Hammer in the fact arjuna alter’s body is breaking down around him, held together only by force of will. Hammer in the fact he is willing to die to try and save everyone. Really get that beaten in there.

-for me personally given that hindusim features reincarnation heavily it would be nice to at least acknowledge most of the people deleted are probably reentering the samsara (only enlightened people exit the cycle which a flawed being can’t be). He hasn’t necessarily abandoned these people even if he’s treating them wrong.

[cladestruction]

rebel moon: some thoughts (very biased)

we're watching rebel moon with my dad. So far, I can't say I like it lol. it looks great (props to the entire CGI and editing team) and i can't lie, I always give extra points to just about any movie that says "imperialism bad !!!" which is, you know, a very low bar. buuut yeah, i need good characters. most of the time I'm happy with any character being as much as simply entertaining, not even necessarily the main character (though if your main character isn't interesting or complex or likeable, try a little harder please?). But this movie??? every secondary character is very interesting, which is great, but that's just not enough sadly. because you can't show me a character that is seemingly smart and strong and fast and oh has such a great dramatic past! and then you show me that same character doing very inconsistent stuff like idk: doing something as random as following the main character, who they've just met, through an adventure that is (and I'm sorry) so lazily justified.

And yeah I hate to criticize female characters. i know that sounds incredibly biased, but it's because the internet is full of men doing that shit and that's just annoying lol. buuut this girl is so... Nothing. I feel nothing for her. And don't get me wrong! She can be unlikeable (let girls be rude and cunts !!!) that is not a problem, but the fact that nobody seems to notice it IS a problem. it feels less like a story and more like a convenient and flawed script when you see this girl, who doesn't really do anything for others, being instantly followed but a bunch of characters who are somehow ready to go to war for her at the drop of a galactic hat! There's such a missed opportunity to actually develop that companionship, that loyalty. And the fact that it happens so suddenly, without the build up, makes it so boring. It's just convenient. It's cliche. It's lazy.

and while we are at it, characters like hers make me lose more and more faith on the "imperialism bad !!!" genre. To be fair, this is the first part of the saga, so she has a lot of growth left to do (hopefully), but I'm still allowed to feel pissed at how weird her story is. Because Politically, she's as consistent as a fart: she is a retired soldier, but not any soldier! she is actually a great warrior that fought for the empire!!! and the entire galaxy should know and fear her!!! Oh but she is also a victim so don't get mad at her. Yes, as a child she lost everything at the hands of the regime she then knowing helped perpetuate! Oh no!!! But now she lives a quiet and peaceful life away from conflict so it's okay, except it's not because conflict is here again. And oh what would she do, now that this planet she's been living in but doesn't feel entirely part of yet (bc of unresolved trauma I guess) is in danger??? Run. Exactly, she doesn't want to fight, because it's too painful. So bye everyone! Except she WILL fight!!! Oh what a hero! And now she's screaming at everyone else that doesn't want to fight for the exact same reasons as hers (or to be fair even better reasons than hers). That's right, this girl who just yesterday wasn't interested in fighting is now guilt tripping the real organized rebellion because she wants them to fight, not against the evil regime, no, she wants them to go help protect the crops of this one specific planet she has been living in for a couple of years now, because fuck every other planet I guess, things only matter when they reach your own house, right?

And I know not every character Must be from the very start an anti imperialist activist, full on rebel, whistleblower etc etc for a movie to work. That's what growth and character development are for. But this movie didn't give time for growth because, again, I can't believe the secondary characters are so ready to go to war just like that! The first movie already ended with the squad ready to go, meanwhile the main character is still the equivalent of a hollow egg: disappointing and honestly kind of weird.

[kiwibirdlafayette]

after the battles, yet we cannot win the war (its a mad multiverse out there that's for sure)

hi im back. its timeline time >:] very much still a work in progress, uhh only vague for that I don't wanna spoil Big Things (for no reason, this is really all for fun LMAO no one is gonna wanna produce this)

*obligatory disclaimer, all named characters are in reference to solely the RP characters, and have nothing to do with CCs

the stuff that happens after S2/before Isles isnt as important plus ive rambled about it before

During Isles tldr; Sonja revives Capsize with the help of Spark, Kristin, Phil and Ianite.

Tom returns to the present from Isles, literally falling from a rift and landing facefirst onto the deck of Capsize's boat

Jordan got taken by DreamXD into the DSMP to be trapped in the End Realm- long story short he finds Techno and Phil, they free him, he gets launched far from the Syndicate meeting room, roped into working for Wilburger and reconnects with Tubbo this is all the DSMP Sparklez stuff

When Techno's Syndicate has their ending (the canon one Phil wrote), Rux!Dianite (I'll just refer to him as Dia) uses the anomaly signal caused when Wilbur left to Utah to find Jordan and bring him home with Tubbo (Michael and Ranboo idk they fit in here somewhere im not on about writing this just yet)

Everyone's home yayyy Tom is doin his Mecha Dianite things, everyone's kinda gettin along (not really.. lots of uh. skeletons in the closet. Big Character Conflits). then Boom. Alice Syndicate (and Karl bc he deserves to get saved from whatever the fuck happens to him at the end of Isles im not that far yet LMAO anyways)

Basically. Big Frick. NoWhere (deity of multiverse) has discovered a force that is causing worlds to decay away (ooc: inactive SMPs) explaining why it seems Mianite is getting rotted despite Tom being there aka all 3 gods present

Leads them to Vault Hunters/Hermitcraft universe- long running, no decay, Vault Gods must know something

Tom gets sent there first. Cue confusion thing and him bein a little messed up with his attachment issues to Jordan after he just got his bf back, he fights Pete, gets kicked

X33n (aka deviser gaines who ditched everyone and reinvented himself) and Tubbo talk to VH!Ianite get Tom back, he talks to Vault Gods. Wendarr explains what the force was, now their worlds are untimed. This entity is like a mimic, its hard to find. Suggests they check Hermitcraft

Tom returns, the team prepares. Dia agrees to take Tom's place alongside the S1 siblings temporarily to let him investigate.

On the way to speak to the hermit gods or watchers, theyre intercepted by someone who looks like Martyn inthelittlewood (its not him) in the data streams who says they have information. Jokes on them. its a mimic, and sends them flying off their trail into a random vanilla world.

Its where Tucker went. theres also a witch there too shes chill

They catch up with Tucker, find out where he's been.

Conflict part 23, haven't fleshed this out but ends with Tucker agreeing to join them in their shenanigans one last time

Alice finds traces of the entity in a realm akin to Empires S2, its called Aitheaca.

Through her portal, Tom, Jordan, Sonja, Capsize and Tucker end up in Aitheaca, and are greeted by the fishy Watcher Merina and wither skeleton Cassell, who help them get to safety before Flash can find them

Wag is also there by a random coincidence, has just been hanging out with William and Mianite. Bro's just been travelling about the multiverse for fun

Most story takes place here; Martha's theory is the Ianite in this realm is housing the entity (Jordan agrees.. why else would his lady be evil and hellbent on keeping balance to the point of it being destructive?) Basically, them two's about to have a massive fucking wakeup call. Capsize is skeptical

Back home, Ianite, Dia and Mianite are trying to hold their crumbling realm together with the help of Spark, Mot Jeriah and Alyssa, going back n forth between Ruxomar to pick up quintessence. Its not gone well

Stuff ensues. How it ends? I really don't know yet...

and uh. I mean i do have more but its more spoilery but its for ending things which I'm still working out so yeeee But! That's the gist of it; I really wanna focus on themes of them having to understand things are temporary, the idea of things having to have an end, and when it ends, who will be there to start again with you.

[blookmallow]

my new vegas courier has become so special to me honestly

heres things ive decided about her. some of them. i have a WHOLE backstory/ongoing storyline but heres some of it

has some memory loss from the gunshot injury. probably has a few screws loose in general

im thinking she's originally from oklahoma (and sounds like it) if there's no. fallout lore reason she couldn't be but ive never heard anything about what post-war oklahoma is like

chainsmoker. drinks a lot but can handle it. bit of a mentats habit. she isn't Blatantly reckless, but doesn't really care much about her health either. once you've survived a shot in the head nothing really seems like that big of a risk anymore

general attitude of Anything Goes - whatever situations she finds herself in, she'll find herself out of, one way or another

has a very uncanny ability to solve problems by just asking nicely. she isn't particularly charming or witty - just very unsettlingly calm. something about her catches people off guard. she doesn't have anything to prove to anyone and has a reputation for being extremely difficult to kill. "pride's damn easy to swallow when y'keep it in a small enough pill"

nuka cola girl is her dream girl

isn't really on anyone's Side so much as just frequently shows up to defuse conflict. thinks the world would be a whole lot nicer if everyone stopped shooting at each other so much. works pretty closely with the NCR, but doesn't always agree with their politics. thinks they should be doing more with their resources than they are

fucking hates the legion so goddamn much. suffered some pretty bad trauma after the benny incident at the camp (i went for the machete duel bc i felt like 'if we have to do this im going to make it a fair fight this time' was the most in line with her character) after seeing how the slaves were living, having all those eyes on her and the brutality of the fight

big big soft spot for the king but she wont admit to it. can't bear to disappoint him and couldn't tell you why

started collecting pool balls at some point and it sort of developed into a compulsion and now she can't stop. mild kleptomania tendencies in general. likes odd and interesting objects

never goes anywhere without ed-e

frequently just jumps off railings/balconies because stairs take too long. this absolutely drives arcade up the wall and he hates trying to keep up with her

gives sarsaparilla stars to everyone she travels with and is weirdly insistent on them wearing it. she brought one for primm slim too. he loves it

[tovaicas]

again publicly posting a discussion w/ a friend but like. I’ve been lvling MCH and I find it so utterly disappointing that they play the whole 'ishgardians refuse to use guns bc haha dumbass traditionalists' thing so straight bc I think it'd be really really interesting if it were more 'ishgard pushes back hard on stephanivien not bc of tradition but bc the vault realized that the fact guns don't require any training to use effectively means that a) they can no longer control the brume entirely by force and ideas of prestige and b) they can no longer play martial skill as honourable and necessary and force noble children into fighting the war so they push back on it citing 'tradition' when the real reason is denying power and the ability to take back your agency to the populace, especially in regards to brume residents and everything else is a convenient excuse' and straight up just says that everyone who has noticed this is just more smart than everyone else like.

people aren’t stupid. anyone with half a brain will know that attacking a dravanian at range is a far safer option that gets far less people killed than sending in the yeehaw rodeo lance boys or sword and board house knights to wrangle it physically, and you don’t need a gun to prove that, just archers. any ishgardian soldier will know that if you can harass an enemy that flies by throwing shit at it you might be able to get away with not having to fight it on its own terms.

this is only really further extended by the fact that HW DRG quests show the aftermath of an attack from ONE (1) strong dravanian on a whole contigent of trained dragoons, and it still kills three or four of them, wounds one, and the next best dragoon they have (Heustienne) attacks it, doesn’t kill it, and is forced to ride it for miles out into territory she can’t be rescued from, and this is with her ability to jump and the fact that these are guys who are very narrowly trained in the art of dragonslaying. meanwhile MCH quests show that you can kill a dragon of presumably similar strength AND a small horde with nothing more than three cannons, a handful of knights, and few dudes with guns that they aren’t even 100% proficient with and nobody dies.

like stephanivien’s work is so interesting re: mid-war ishgardian politics bc why would his workshop be consistently fucked with and sabotaged if it didn’t represent a massive threat to the existing status quo. why wouldn’t an extremely martial isolationist society see a far more powerful, safer option they don’t need to rely on anyone else to make to fight an enemy they are slowly but surely losing to but more importantly a) saves the lives of soldiers who would otherwise die and b) allows them to mobilize an entire population of people who wouldn’t be able to fight otherwise because they don’t have the months-long training it requires to even know how to use a sword or years-long conditioning it requires to be an effective archer or the training to be a dragoon.

like the vault obviously knows this. every soldier knows this. the vault has to know that a weapon that doesn’t require extensive training to use undermines their authority bc suddenly (quoting a friend here) when you can kill a dragon without directly risking your own life, ‘the grim necessity of war seems a lot less grim and necessary’.

like does the manufactory directly threaten the existence and prestige of the dragoons, because they take so long to train and so many of them die that it’s just not worth it anymore? is this a social issue the vault can manipulate to smear stephanivien and everything he touches, which further increases the pressures but on him by his house? by the time the WoL gets to Ishgard, is there a massive social conflict going on bc suddenly the brume can fight for its own agency, the vault is trying to hold onto it’s power and influence, and every soldier is forced to question why the Powers That Be refuse them access to a massive advantage in this war they’re losing?

[riverstardis]

series 32 episode 36:

ethan suggesting the contest between bea and eddie of who can treat the most minors. eddie says it's not fair bc ethan's bea's mentor so he asks alicia to be on his team... and so it begins :/

ethan doesn't look too pleased at alicia being involved

eddie steals the wheelchair bea got for her patient like "all's fair in love and war" and ethan goes and finds her another and alicia's like "very gallant of you" and he's like "yeah. something you might teach eddie perhaps" and she's like "it was banter, ethan. remember? banter?" it sounded like he was bantering back to me??? hmm maybe there was a hint of resentment or something in his voice? like he was conflicted about bantering back because he still feels hurt about rage in resus? idk but either way it's not like he couldn't tell that what she said was meant to be banter

ethan and connie's friendship <3

david telling noel and lousie he's bought a bike so the "private parking mafia" aren't going to get a penny out of him "if we all rode bicycles, they would be bankrupt" "not exactly practical for someone like robyn though" "yeah where do you suggest she put charlotte, in a basket?" "yeah, iN a BaSkEt?" okay louise and noel saying basket so close together just made me notice that noel's northern. i'm often aware of hearing the other characters' accents but i hadn't noticed that i'd never noticed noel's because it's similar to mine so i just can't hear it lmao

alicia tells ethan that bea's "lucky to have you back on the shop floor. that's where you do the most good." and he goes "or the least damage, depending on your view." and she looks annoyed and he's like "sorry, that came out wrong. i am happier just being a doctor." WHYY is she acting like he's in the wrong for not pretending rage in resus never happened?????

she says "yeah i don't think manager ethan would've had the time to help bea like you did today" and he gets a text and she looks even more annoyed???? he says he's gonna go and check on bea and she voices some annoyance and he's like "i wasn't walking away from you then" and she's like "well it felt like it!" HUH????? what on earth is her justification for acting like this???? like yeah obviously he's not totally cool with her and that's what she's picking up on in his demeanour but he's not being rude to her or even avoiding her anymore, he's being perfectly pleasant but she's trying to make him feel bad for... having feelings???

"look, i'm not expecting it to be all hearts and flowers, but i expect us to be able to share the same space!" "yeah, we can, we are" she continues to look angry so he carries on "it's mrs beauchamp, sorry she's losing a friend but she can't do anything about it and well it's awful isn't it?" "yeah. i think losing a friend is the pits." consider, alicia, that if you hadn't been stabbing him in the back, you wouldn't have lost a friend! don't say that to him like it's his fault! i don't think this is really very in character for alicia. i mean it sort of is, because it is kinda how she acted during the love triangle with cal too but here it's just been taken wayyy too extreme. like at least with the cal stuff, while she didn't seem to understand why ethan was upset with her, she wasn't completely acting like it was his fault!

"can we have a truce?" "no, a truce means we're enemies choosing not to fight anymore, i don't wanna just tolerate each other ethan we used to be mates!" you used to be a bit more than mates lol "i would like to be mates" "but?" "no, no buts" ethan's too good🥺🥺🥺 urgh so i've seen multiple alicia fans saying that she deserved better than ethan and i just???? SHE deserved better??? don't get me wrong i love her but she was the cause of like 99% of the problems they had in their relationship😭 i get that it's just cause they don't like ethan so ofc they don't like them together but why make shit up???

lmao david's helping a girl with psychosis and explaining to her mum how to help her and then bea asks if he converted from psych nursing like charlie and he's like "...we'll go with that for now"

noel tells bea that the contest is very close so it would be a good time to pick an easy patient to finish on but she would rather focus on getting to the bottom of what's wrong with one of her existing patients

alicia's giving eddie a kind of pep talk and ethan's listening in the background and smiling🥺 then when eddie's left ethan goes "d'you know what? we are awesome mentors" and she's like "yes we are!" sjsdjsdfhj and just like that they're friends again

LMAO alicia suggests they just go halves on drinks tonight because "there should be no losers" and ethan goes "says the girl who's about to lose" sjsjjffj i love him "i've just bought a house!" "well, i've just been demoted. i take it i'm gonna get to see this house at some point?" "yeah, whenever you like. there's actually a really nice italian at the end of my street..." "yeah? what's his name?" *they laugh* "you see i haven't forgotten banter. clearly" SJSJDJJKDF I LOVE THEMMMM I WANT THEM BACK😩😩😩😩 y'know someone on twitter said what if they're both at robyn's funeral. that's never going to actually happen on screen but still👀👀👀👀

bea's doing a good job🥺

lmao ethan says he'll buy all the drinks and alicia's like "did me and eddie win?" and he's like "well, it doesn't matter does it. to be fair, you have just bought a house" so basically yes they did win

alicia suggests they just stay for one drink with the gang, the implication being they would then go somewhere just the two of them, possibly back to her house, and ethan agrees and says he's missed them but then gets a text from leigh-anne inviting him round. he had DEFINITELY completely forgotten about leigh-anne up til then sjsjdjfj😭😭😭 i guess that shows how he didn't really have actual feelings for her, it was more just circumstance

he tells alicia that he can't go for drinks and she's like "sorry, have i done something wrong?" he says she's done nothing wrong and she asks what's more important all of a sudden and he tells her he's been seeing someone and apologises. he sounds incredibly genuine, he's VERY sorry that he's been seeing someone😭😭 he seems rather annoyed with himself. she's like "don't worry. ethan come on it's absolutely fine. we've both... moved on, i've got a new house, you've got a new partner, it's absolutely fine. it's fine." oh bby the more you say it's fine the less believable you sound😭 poor alicia she's probably thinking she misread his signals but she definitely didn't! i'm so mad how every single time they have a chance together something else gets in the way! every. fucking. time. starting with alicia finding out her dad was cheating

also notice how she says partner not girlfriend👀👀 they're bi4bi that's canon to me idc

aw he gives her some money for the drinks and she takes it and turns to face away from him and she sounds like she's about to cry :(((

alicia tells bea she's going to get "absolutely mort" which bea tells eddie and rash means she's going to drink more than is humanly possible. noooo don't do that please just go home!!!!

eddie says that he requested a recount and bea actually won and bea's like "i was gonna give you that little victory. so that when i win the international trauma course gig you have something to cling to." HA

lmaoo david's still trying to convince louise to get a bike "well apart from the obvious health benefits, i now see things i've never noticed before. it takes my breath away!" "that's the carbon monoxide poisoning." sjsdjdjf aren't you more exposed to carbon monoxide when you're driving rather than cycling though?

aww connie's friend left her a fish called mrs b. charlie's like "quite flattering really, having something named after you" and she's like "no, robyn calling her baby charlotte is flattering-" SJSJDJFJF

urgh urgh urgh alicia's sort of flirting with eddie and he says he thought she and ethan were together and she's like "that is old news." and he's like "how old?" and she goes "er... about an hour and a half." noooo😭😭😭

connie giving herself an echo in her office :(

arghhh alicia says they're going to get kicked out soon and eddie says that normally he wouldn't hesitate to ask if she wanted to go for a drink somewhere else but as she pointed out earlier he's a gentleman so he's happy to be patient. there is actually something slightly sinister in his "i'm happy to be patient" but she must be too drunk to notice. or maybe i can only pick up on it because i know. alicia says patience is overrated and they kiss, which rash sees, and then leave together :(

[radiaking]

The thing about coop is he is a romantic. He is not afraid of love. It’s his entire motivation. It’s what makes life worth living. Truly and unironically he believes this and believes in love. But that is very much a Cooper Howard thing and The Ghoul has spent 200 years trying to repress that entirely. And it worked!! He managed to Not Feel things for a long ass time. And he was okay with that. He needed to be that way. It worked for him. It was easier, he thought.

And so even ignoring any potential/actual romance between coop and lucy, she made him feel something again. Which is just insane to him honestly. He’s managed to repress any feeling tied to a positive emotion, thought, memory or anything until she saves his life. Then he is just awash in memories and all the feelings that come with it. And one of those is love, for his family. His daughter. His ex-wife even (yes, in some way I do think he still loves her even if he’s not in love with her yknow?) it’s. A lot for him. That’s why he goes on a fucking bender about it.

But it doesn’t go away. And from that point on he is going to be at constant war with himself to somehow not feel things but also use that love he feels for his family to motivate him. Now here’s where v.aultghoul comes in lol. He wants to love and be loved. Desperately. But he also knows now that that can be…troublesome. He is a mess of contradictions bc he desperately wants her to know him. To see him. And yes, maybe one day love him. But he is also so terrified of all of that just as much bc he’s just used to being that way now. He’s been in the habit of turning off feelings a lot longer than he ever indulged and reveled in them and that’s a hard habit to break. But what’s important to note is a part of him wants to break it. So yeah these two parts of him will be in constant conflict as cooper Howard fights off the ghoul basically

[netegf]

FINALLY HOME AND READY TO READ!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🩷🩷🩷🩷 been soooo eager but i really wanted to give it the time and attention it deserves and ikkkk this is gonna hurt so good <333 !!!!!

"I want to know more than this. I will learn, and I will work hard, and I will fight, but Vi, one day, you and me, we'll be free of this. Free to do whatever we want, free to spend our days like the humans in the movies, just happy and ourselves. Wouldn't you like that?"

from the get go, this has me so soft 🥺💖💖💖 first of all, neteyam putting his head in vi's lap is so ❤️❤️❤️ !!!!! [heart exploding] + the thought of them watching human tv and movies so so domestic and soft.. it is such a stark contrast from where they are today :(( also the idea that our human media brings them home is adorable pls.

You wondered if it was fate, or Eywa's doing, that O'i'en was the first person you ran into, even as you were trying to avoid any semblance of another soul, the guilt and sadness mingling in you with flashes of worst-case scenarios, ones in which your distracted mind led to deaths that you will forever carry on your shoulders, that you will forever blame yourself for, that you were sure other people would, too, ones which you were too scared to prove and too spent to disprove, so you settled for ignorance and denial, at least until you found your ikran.

STOP IM SO CONFLICTED bc i was so happy to see o'i'en back for this cameo!!!! but the context is so heart-breaking 😭😭😭😭 it felt like that "I don't even treat you that good, girl, why you smilin'?" drake meme 🤣🤣🤣🩷🩷🩷

seeing vi rush out of treatment while she's injured to find oare, knowing what's happened is so sad i can't :'((( poor baby

Your tears mingled with his own as they collapsed on your feet and on the grass, and you forgot for a second of your rule - no crying in front of people. You forgot this as you forgot everything else, even your own name pushed from your memory as it was flooded instead with images of her, of your sister, that you loved so much, that you cherished deeply, that you thought you’d be able to for the rest of your life, that you were now told was gone, taken from you, in spite of you… because of you. “No…Oare, no…” “She’s with Eywa now… I’m so sorry.”

i 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 am 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 okay 😭😭😭😭!!!!!!!!!!

“No, we’re not doing this shit anymore. My ikran is dead. People are dead, Neteyam. All because of us, because this stupid war, that you caused. That you started. I’m done with the games, and the mystery, and your stupid mouth staying shut. You don’t know? Figure it out. Now.”

i am so here for vi demanding answers and really needing neteyam to vocalize what he's feeling / BEEN feeling all this time !!!! she is legitimately a BOSS and i admire the way you write her so much andra!!! 🥹🥹🥹💖💖💖💖 when i imagine the frustration and borderline numbness she feels at this moment... 😭😭😭😭 she is in so much pain and is not playing around!!!

"It meant everything! And my father fucking ruined it, and you ruined it. You ruined it, and I'll never, ever forgive you." the intensity behind his eyes, glistening with unshed tears that reflected the rays of the sun hitting his golden irises, the ones that put stars to shame and brought you to your knees, scared you. You came here to cry, and let it out. You came here to mourn. You didn't expect this. Didn't want this. But, for the first time in years, Neteyam was talking to you. Neteyam was telling you truths buried deep within his soul, deep behind walls you've tried to climb and pierce through longer than you wanted to admit to, and given the little crack of light you saw shine through, you knew you couldn't let this opportunity pass you by.

me gasping like LITERALLY every other word because this relay of dialogue was so fucking captivating and cathartic!!!! i literally LOVED seeing them both let it all out 😫😫😫😫🩵🩵🩵

He was rough as he pushed you until you tipped backwards, but his caress was gentle as he caught you and made sure you weren't hurt as your body hit the damp, soft grass. When he spread your legs and kneeled in between them, you knew you whatever ounce of self-restraint you had was swiftly thrown out the window, and you knew the relief you'd get to feel once he was done with you would be worth the regret in the morning - at least, it felt so right now. His fingers dug into your thighs as they massaged upwards, from your shins to your hips, and when both his thumbs caressed the sensitive spot at the edge of your loincloth, your breath hitched in your throat, silently begging him for more, hoping he wouldn't make you say words out loud you could never take back.

my stomach is in my THROOOOOOAATTTTT 💖💖💖💖 !!!!!!! the tension build-up, the candor from both of them, this release of feelings and emotions and urges is EVERYTHING!!

"It had to be someone who had no resemblance to you. It had to, Vi. Don't you understand? Because any time I looked at anyone, I saw you in them. Their eyes, or lips, their tanhì or stripes, even the smallest similarity killed me, reminded me how much I hate you, how much I want to, how much I don't. I've wanted to hate you so much, I tried so hard, but you were in every dream, in every fantasy, you haunted me my whole life."

stop stop stop this is literally making my whole body melt 😭😭😭😭😭🩷🩷🩷🩷 i love this dialogue because it makes soooo much sense to me given the context of the story, but also because i imagine how vi would have interpreted this so differently in real time... like it would have just looked like neteyam wanted nothing to do with her anymore and that she's nothing like the girls he's interested in!

It was almost... domestic, the way he was asleep peacefully next to you, his breath so steady and deep, and so relaxed, it almost sounded like purring, his strong, muscular arms holding you close as you lay on your back, looking at the stars, bright, blurry orbs through the distorted lens of your tears, that couldn't stop falling, no matter how much you willed them away. The crash did come eventually, in the few hours since, and it felt like it broke all your bones in the process.

i love how we we end with this really domestic imagine, the same way we started the chapter with one 🥹🥹🥹 this fic is ART !!!!! so carefully crafted !!!!!😭😭💖💖💖

You and Neteyam rose and fell together, over and over again, your whole lives. A twisted carousel that wouldn't stop until one of you jumped off it, and with Oare's death, and the shame that followed it, you finally realised it had to be you.

+

“Ma Tsa’hik. I’m here to ask you to let me out of this arrangement. Please. I can’t do this, not with Neteyam. I’m done.”

ANDRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💔💔💔

i am in pain and my heart hurts but i also LOVE THIS ENDING bc it's so juicy and angsty 😫😫😫🩷🩷🩷🩷 i feel like she must be so overwhelmed in this moment so honestly i understand where she's coming from and i am SOOOO hyped to see how neteyam reacts to this next chapter AAAAAA!!!!!!!

incredible work as always i am in constant awe of your genius! 🥰🥰🥰

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕍𝕀𝕀: 𝕄𝕒𝕪𝕓𝕖 𝕎𝕖'𝕧𝕖 ℍ𝕒𝕕 𝔼𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙

Pairing: Neteyam x (f)Omaticaya!Reader

synopsis: You and Neteyam finally confront each other, after a seven year war that left you broken and bruised.

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, aged-up! Neteyam/Reader, enemies-to-lovers, angst (mentions of violence, battle, blood, death, confrontation, admission of feelings), smut, strong language.

wc: 7k words

a/n: we're almost at the end, besties. i want to say a massive thank you for being patient with me, i have struggled with writer's block for a while now, and my life is incredibly hectic at the moment, but thank you for continuing to inspire me to write this story that has come to mean so much to me :(. i hope you enjoy this chapter, that i once again somehow feel weirdly insecure about hahaha, and i hope you'll find it was worth the wait. also this is only mildly proof read bc i am exhausted and i need to sleep ;((( i'll come back to it in the morning i promise x (also pls someone comment on the fact in the photo vi's looking up and he's looking down cause you know - rise and fall together and all)

pls don't forget to leave a comment or a reblog and tell me your thoughts, i loveee to hear from you so much!

na'vi compendium: txepvi  - spark, oare - moon, nawm - great, syä - bitter, tanhì - bioluminescent freckle, tewng - loincloth, tsakarem - tsa'hik in training, yawne - beloved

: ̗̀➛ previous chapter (x) : ̗̀➛ series masterlist (x) : ̗̀➛ series playlist (x)

I carved my name into your ribcage We talked of lands away from this cage

"Dad always talks about Earth as if it was a dying hole, but... I don't know."

Neteyam's head was positioned snugly in your lap as you both stared intently at the sky, trying to make sense of the shapes of clouds, and the way they passed you by like birds in the night sky, never to be seen again, just a memento of the present and how every moment was unique and precious, and needed to be cherished. You both loved doing that, in between practice sessions, or before, or after, a way to ground you and remind you there's still beauty in this world outside of what you were being taught, of how everything was in preparation for a grisly reality you both struggled to come to terms with.

"Yes?"

"The little videos we've seen, of the movies and shows Norm and Max and the other humans like to watch... and the books they make us read during English lessons and the music... it doesn't seem that bad, you know? It seems they were happy, and... good. It seemed they lived for more than just fighting and greed, more than this."

You thought about it for a while. He was right. Humans were... beautiful, in their own ways. They had love and heart and soul in a way you never thought possible - it seemed there was always beauty to be found even in the darkest of corners, even in the most unsightly of places, and that gave you hope.

"I want to be more than this, too."

Your eyes snapped from the sky to him, and his eyes met yours, boring into you with a vehemence that almost scared you. When he rose from his spot, he faced you, his face so close to yours you could feel his breath fanning over you, and your heart stumbled in your chest at the proximity and the way his smile always managed to take your breath away.

"I want to know more than this. I will learn, and I will work hard, and I will fight, but Vi, one day, you and me, we'll be free of this. Free to do whatever we want, free to spend our days like the humans in the movies, just happy and ourselves. Wouldn't you like that?"

"Yes. I'd like that."

You said, don't fret love, someday I'll be my own man, I'll be free Oh, but darling, did you mean Darling, did you mean free from me?

“O’i’en…” your voice was hoarse and barely there, a croaking whisper you hardly recognised as your own, but still there. You were still here, and at least for that, you were grateful. Because there was more to your life. So much more you wanted to do and see, so much you felt you were made for and deserved, so much you still have to repent and atone for. Your mind was scrambled with visions of your past, so many of them you’ve lost count, the continuous onslaught barely ceasing as you woke, and you still felt like in a liminal state of being, not quite dead, but not quite alive, either. In those dreams, images of your old Neteyam were intertwined with his face now, much colder, much wiser, somehow even more beautiful, and confessions of “I love you” mingled with hushed whispers of “why is she not awake yet?” and commotion beyond your understanding. You needed answers. The battle, that now felt like a lifetime away to you, also somehow felt like it had just finished, and you rose from your spot with only one thought in mind: Oare was hurt. She was shot, and you needed to find her. 

You wondered if it was fate, or Eywa's doing, that O'i'en was the first person you ran into, even as you were trying to avoid any semblance of another soul, the guilt and sadness mingling in you with flashes of worst-case scenarios, ones in which your distracted mind led to deaths that you will forever carry on your shoulders, that you will forever blame yourself for, that you were sure other people would, too, ones which you were too scared to prove and too spent to disprove, so you settled for ignorance and denial, at least until you found your ikran.

"Oh, Eywa, you're alive!" you were taken aback by his surprise, and by his pure, unadulterated relief and happiness as his eyes found your form, limping and bruised, with bloodied and torn garments and yet still... alive. You didn’t think O’i’en would ever want to see you again, much less acknowledge you or talk to you, but here he was, running, as much as he could, the gash in his leg preventing him from any true momentum, but still, he ran to you and enveloped you in a big hug, that you couldn’t help but reciprocate, melting into his all-too-familiar touch that’s always felt comforting and safe, and never bruising or cold.

You sighed as your mind, much as it always did, brought to its forefront another face, another body, another man that never ceased to pull you out of the moment and into whatever fantasy your mind concocted to replace reality with. As you tightened your arms around him, your palms flat against his back, you noticed your fingers being coated in warm liquid, and the feel of it, as well as the smell of metal that hit you immediately after, made you gasp and break the embrace, using whatever force you had to turn him around and inspect the wound you knew had to be bad enough, if so much blood was pouring out of it, but still couldn’t help be shocked when you were proven right. 

“Fuck, your back…”

“I know… I haven’t had the chance to go see the healers yet.” 

“You haven’t ha- are you serious right now? Come, let’s go now.” You almost forgot about the your plan to avoid people, too concerned for the ugly looking gash pulsating blood that trickled down his toned back, until it soaked in his soiled tewng. He didn’t let you move him, instead taking your wrists in his hand and holding you still. 

“You look like you’re about to collapse, how are you still so bossy? Besides… there’s people who need it more than me.” The purple twinge in his cheeks let you know this wasn’t quite the truth. Not the whole truth. O’i’en was the most selfless person you’ve ever met, and yet, this wasn’t the whole truth. You looked tired and broken, scared and forlorn, and yet, with all your might, you tried to contort your face into something you hoped resembled the way Jake would raise the hairs above his eyes in a clearly disapproving expression, and while you lacked the most important aspect of that whole stare, it clearly worked, because he winced and broke the look you shared, choosing a spot on the ground instead. 

“After… everything, I just didn’t know if I could…or should… go get help from the Tsa’hik. It feels like everywhere I look, you follow. I knew you were hurt as well, and I didn’t know if I could handle seeing you like that, or seeing you at all. But now that you’re here, I realise… I’m just happy you’re alive.”

You smiled, a small feat that felt like the hardest task you’ve ever been assigned, but still, you were glad to know there was still something salvageable about your relationship with the man you once thought you’d spent the rest of your life with. 

“Come, sit. I’ll clean the wound myself.”

“You shouldn’t-“ He stopped when he noticed your look. You were too tired to be trifled with, and he was smart enough to know that. 

You promised home, the kind I'd never known But here we are, skin and flesh and beating hearts And I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing wrong

You worked in silence, as much as you could, the thoughts spiralling in your head, worse with each passing second, and although you didn’t want to ask, you knew you couldn’t avoid it any longer, not when he looked so sad and despondent, not when the gash in his back spoke to a battle fiercer than you wanted to picture, not when you couldn’t help wonder if it was all on you. With a sigh, you spoke, and watched as he went rigid with every word uttered.

“What happened, O’i’en?” 

“What do you remember?”

“Nothing. I remember falling… i remember Oare getting shot.” You wince at the memory, at how it was your unsteady, tired, distracted mind that made her a vulnerable target. 

“Nothing else.”

O'i'en's whole body stiffened, and your hand stilled midair, shivers pulsating in your body as dread enveloped it.

“What. Happened. O’i’en?” 

"After you fell... the battle... took a turn for the worse. A lot of Na'vi died, a lot of our mounts died, too..."

"The Olo'eyktan and Tsakarem tried their best, we all did, but without you and Neteyam..."

The guilt that was big enough to almost crumble you into a mess of sobs and broken shards on the ground dulled just for a moment while his words rang in your ears, echoing until they clicked, until you made sense of their meaning.

"Neteyam...? Where was Neteyam, why wasn't he fighting?"

His body turns to face you again, his barely patched-up wound forgotten in the moment that felt ever-lasting, but not like how time stands still as you're enveloped in a kiss, but like a nightmare you can't escape from, where a moment lasts hours, where every scream is expelled in slow-motion and the monsters get closer and closer with each breath that gets lodged in your dry, hoarse throat.

"He tried to catch you, but couldn't. I think he took you back to the village. He didn't return after. They say..."

"They say he hasn't left your tent since. We've all been working, trying to get everyone back, ready for the funeral, but he... he never left the Tsa'hik's tent."

"You're wrong." What he was saying made no sense. Neteyam has done nothing but wish for your demise ever since you were both nothing more than mere children. His hatred never diminished through time, and neither did yours. You both despised each other more and more each day, with every year passed, with every instance in which neither of you relented or found it in you to be better and take the high road. This whole ordeal, this whole nightmare that only started when you woke up, it was his fault. The fact that so many people died, that you were in this state, that Oare.... fuck. Oare.

“Where are you going? You need to take it easy.” 

“I need to find her. I need to make sure she’s ok, she’s probably in pain and suffering and I should be the-“

You stop when you notice his grieving grimace, his eyes fixed on the ground, tears falling at his feet, that you followed from his eyes to their demise as they splattered on the ground, the droplets hitting your ankles in the process. 

“No.” 

Silence. Dead silence. Death silence. Silence that you couldn’t help fill with a crescendo of denial, louder and higher pitched with every new attempt. 

“No, please. Tell me you’re wrong.” 

“I saw her… in the lineup.”

“The lineup?” 

“Of all the dead… dead animals and na’vi. So many of them, i lost count. She was there… I’m so sorry.” 

Your tears mingled with his own as they collapsed on your feet and on the grass, and you forgot for a second of your rule - no crying in front of people. You forgot this as you forgot everything else, even your own name pushed from your memory as it was flooded instead with images of her, of your sister, that you loved so much, that you cherished deeply, that you thought you’d be able to for the rest of your life, that you were now told was gone, taken from you, in spite of you… because of you.

“No…Oare, no…”

“She’s with Eywa now… I’m so sorry.”

You said, "Let's make ourselves our very own brigade, this love our shield, our blade" Oh, but darling do you see the cuts from which I bleed? It's me you've slain

"Have you seen her? Have you seen syä?"

"What do you mean, Lo'ak?"

"She's gone, bro. She's not in grandmother's tent anymore."

Neteyam felt the blood drain from his face and settle at the soles of his feet, trickling through and into the ground, until he was so empty he felt faint, he felt like he would never be the same again. So many emotions tried him, from ecstatic relief that he couldn’t even explain to himself, at the fact that you were awake, and well enough to walk, to paralysing fear that overwhelmed him, at the fact you were out in your state, that you were gone Eywa knows where, at the fact he’s now going to have to face you and talk to you.

Too many things have changed in such a short amount of time, so many things he couldn’t make sense of or understand, too many revelations and the possibility of more, of the truth, that Neteyam dreaded. A lose-lose situation, his dad would call it - either he confronted you and you told him his father misunderstood, that it wasn’t true, that you too loved him the way he loved you, which meant the last seven years of both your lives, everything you have put each other through would have been for nothing, or his father was right, and having a confirmation of your lack of feelings, which is what he thought fuelled your actions all these years, which was a truth he avoided knowing for a fact for so long, and that might be too hard to bear after all.

“We have to find her, grandma said she shouldn’t be walking around.”

“I know where she is.”

He’s always known where you were when you wanted to be alone. He’s always known because it’s a place that used to be his, his secret spot, his uncharted paradise. A place that he showed to you when you were both children, and that became a safe heaven for the both of you in time, that you took from him after your unfortunate fallout. Just one more thing you ended up taking from him in time. He couldn’t have returned to this place anyway, not with all the memories of you that plagued it, that might as well have been enclosed in a room stuck in a past that he never wanted to revisit. 

It took him no time at all to find you, his mind disassociating from the walk, until it was like he blinked and he was there, in the clearing that he dreaded coming to, where the last time he came, he took it too far, the memory of the words that you spat at each other, the way his anger physically manifested itself for the first time in his life, the way he lost control of his emotions and his temper, it was all so ugly and unsightly, it hurt him even thinking about it.

Your back was turned to him as you lay on the edge of the lake, one leg dangling mindlessly in the water, and Neteyam’s heart dropped to his stomach at the sight of you - your hunched shoulders, so far removed from the awe-inspiring, empowered stance you normally displayed to people. Your tail was thrashing furiously from side to side, ears pushed flat against your head that rested on your bent knee, braided hair tousled and unkept as it fell over your face, shielding you from view. Neteyam didn’t even know whether he should speak - if there was still a voice in his throat that could push sounds out, and as he tried, he heard nothing, the only sound in his ears one of muffled, panted breaths and thunderous, erratic heartbeats, that somehow drowned everything else out. 

"Leave."

Neteyam ignored your words, all of his senses focused on your voice, on the sniffles that accompanied it, and what they represented. Neteyam has seen you cry only a couple times in all the time he's known you, and not once since your fallout. He was sure you would have rather swallowed a poisoned knife's blade than show weakness in front of him. He gulped audibly when he realised that if you did, that means you knew... if you did, there was no escaping the wrath that was currently embedded in your soul, that he wasn't sure would ever leave you again.

“Why are you here? You should be resting.”

He heard you scoff, bitterness laced through your voice that normally was sweet as a yovo fruit on a summer day, that now felt spoilt, like it had been left rotting on the ground, with no one the wiser.

“Since when do you care about my wellbeing, huh? Last thing I knew I could be dead in a ditch and you’d probably throw a party and dance over my grave. Leave me be, I don't want to deal with you right now.” 

"Txepvi... Just co-"

"Don't you dare call me that. You have long forsaken the right to call me that. Just fucking leave, Neteyam."

He felt anger pricking at him like a dagger he was all too familiar with, that was dull and middling, but whose sting still hurt if pushed into his skin at the correct angle, in the right spot, where he was weak.

"I'm not leaving until you get back to the tent. Tsa'hik's orders." That was a lie, but one he felt at liberty to make, since it was quite certain his grandmother would want you back resting, and not galavanting in the woods, with a wound that almost killed you, that made you easy prey for the apex predators lurking in the thick foliage.

I didn't obliterate these walls for you to come and raid my home And here you are right next to me Ironically, I've never felt more alone

“Why did you stay with me?” 

Whatever anger he had immediately dissipated like droplets water of a hot day, replaced by the same fear that was plaguing him early, that not even the adrenaline coursing through his veins could overpower. What was he supposed to say? It's not like he had an answer to give you - he couldn't even conceptualise it for himself, much less put it into words that would make sense, that would ever satisfy your morbid curiosity.

“Answer me, Neteyam.” 

“I don’t know.” 

You rose from your spot on the edge of the lake, and when you turned to face him and your eyes locked, his breath lodged in his throat. You looked anguished, sadder than he's ever seen you, puffy eyes so red, it scared him, cheeks purple and stained, and swollen, wet lips opened to accommodate the heaved breaths and quiet sobs that you tried your hardest to push down, so that he wouldn't see.

It was too late, now. He could see. He could see it all, and it scared him, what you were doing to him, these feelings that were rushing down with enough force to make him buckle under their weight, just like a waterfall that crashed into the river below, warping it with its power.

“No, we’re not doing this shit anymore. My ikran is dead. People are dead, Neteyam. All because of us, because this stupid war, that you caused. That you started. I’m done with the games, and the mystery, and your stupid mouth staying shut. You don’t know? Figure it out. Now.”

I fell for you faster than I fell apart And I guess I'm the one to blame for letting myself fall too hard

"I don't fucking know, OK? I just needed to - fuck. I needed to make sure you'll live."

"Why?! Why the fuck would you care if I live or die? Why? You haven't cared for more than half our lives, and now, when you would have been more useful on the battlefield, when you could have prevented this mess that you caused to begin with, now you want to play the fucking hero?"

“That I started? Are you hearing yourself right now? I wasn’t the one that pushed, and pushed, and pushed until whatever thread it was that still bound us together turned from wool to steel and snapped, yawne. You made it your life purpose to ruin mine, at every turn, in every way imaginable, for years. I did nothing to you, damn it. I just stopped talking to you. I didn’t hurt you, or purposefully tried to make you ache or suffer, I tried to keep my mouth shut and go about my life, without infringing on yours. I didn’t do anything to hurt you, for fuck’s sa-“

“You keeping your mouth shut and going about your life as if your life wasn’t impermeably connected to mine was what fucking hurt me, Neteyam! You saying nothing, doing nothing, acting like I didn’t exist, like I was just a toy you outgrew, that was worse than anything I could have ever fucking done to you, don’t you understand that? Do you understand that you abandoned me? Me, Neteyam, the person who was always there for you, the person who always had your back. Your best friend, your confidant, your training buddy, your sister. I was everything to you, and you just acted like that meant nothing at all."

"It meant everything! And my father fucking ruined it, and you ruined it. You ruined it, and I'll never, ever forgive you." the intensity behind his eyes, glistening with unshed tears that reflected the rays of the sun hitting his golden irises, the ones that put stars to shame and brought you to your knees, scared you. You came here to cry, and let it out. You came here to mourn. You didn't expect this. Didn't want this. But, for the first time in years, Neteyam was talking to you. Neteyam was telling you truths buried deep within his soul, deep behind walls you've tried to climb and pierce through longer than you wanted to admit to, and given the little crack of light you saw shine through, you knew you couldn't let this opportunity pass you by.

"What do you mean?"

He looked tired, you realised faintly. It was true... he did stay with you. His face was sunken and caved in, dark purple bags under his eyes, and you traced the tears that brightened his tanhì momentarily, as they caressed his skin, before falling down his neck.

"Tell me it's not true, what you said to him all those years ago. Tell me he didn't hear you right. That he misunderstood."

"Who?"

"My dad. I heard him... telling my grandmother that you'd never want to mate with me. Or be Tsa'hik. He said you said that. Tell me he was wrong. Tell me I was wrong for believing him. Tell me I was an idiot for not coming to you sooner, for shutting you out of my life. For letting this break me. Please."

Shock stilled you in your spot, replacing blood with current that electrified every ounce of your being. What? After all this time, so much time that kids were born and grew up, time in which you watched Tuk go from barely a babe to a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, beautiful girl, time in which you gained and lost your ikran, in which you gained a family and lost the future you thought you were always made for, next to the person you thought you'd always have your back... so much time has passed, and to hear it, the reason, was so unbelievable it didn't feel like it was real. You thought about the conversation that he was referring to, that you had with Jake in what feels like a completely life to the one you were currently living. He did ask you, and you did say...

"He wasn't wrong."

I ripped my heart out and put it in your hands in hopes that we'd put up a fight How paradoxical, since now all I can think about is when will we stop trying

You watched as the intensity on his face was decimated in an instant, his eyes blank and distant as all life seemed to drain from them as you spoke words that you spat without truly even thinking about it. Oare's death, still so fresh in your mind, hurt so much, made every fibre of your being scream in agony, and this new revelation, of the reason of her death being attributed to something you said as a little kid in passing, that he overheard and never bothered to fact-check, made what little sanity you had left to evaporate and what remained was a bitter precipitate of fury and pain, that you wanted him to feel, that you needed to inflict.

"This is why Oare's dead? This is why so many people are dead, because of one comment I made to your father seven years ago in passing? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Your teeth were bared as you spoke, and the emptiness behind his eyes was replaced with furious anger as he listened, as he realised you had no intention of putting his mind or heart at ease, as you realised he didn't deserve it. Not after everything that's happened, not after the way your soul crashed and imploded inside your body at the guilt that ate you alive, that churned and ground your bones into fine dust, guilt that will never, ever leave you.

“I was just a fucking child, don’t you understand that? Do you understand how insane it is to punish me for something that happened when I was just twelve years old?!"

“Well, you know what? I was also just twelve years old! And I loved you, Vi.” The break in his voice hurt you, like a shard of glass plunged in the soft of your skin, and you looked down to try to see if blood was coming out of the wound that wasn't there. There was nothing. Just emptiness, like the vast chasm that separated you, that always will, no matter the fact he was so close to you, you could feel his breath over your face, your scent in your nostrils, his glistening eyes big as planets, eyes you could get lost in easily, you could fall into as easily as falling asleep.

Seeing the unshed tears once more made tears gather in your own. The nickname, that you haven’t heard in all these years, that felt like a relic from a life long forgotten, long forsaken, knocked the air out of you, just as much as his vulnerability, that you weren’t used to seeing anymore did.

“I fucking loved you. You were everything to me. And you broke me.” 

“I had to watch you prove me right every day of my life. Watched as you fought every day to push me away from my own family, and my own dad, who obviously always found you better than me. Watched as you moved on, with no issue, and dated Na’vi after Na’vi, letting them touch you and kiss you, knowing I could see it, in practice, where I always was, I- “

“You fucking did the same thing! You pushed me away, you never talked to me. You abandoned me, without as much as a goodbye. Without any explanation. You fucked girls anywhere I could see, behind my tent, so I could hear you. You chose them all so they bore no resemblance to me, so I could know how much you hated me, every time I saw their faces. You ruined my relationship with the one person who loved me, who was good for me. You fu-"

All you do is blindside me, it's hard to be brave But when the night cuts into the day, it's your love I crave I must've thanked my lucky stars too much They left me sitting in too much dust

Your sentence was cut short by a pair of lips crashing into yours, soft and desperate, clinging on to you like his fingers were wrapped tightly around your throat, like if letting go was unimaginable, like it was too painful to envision. In your dreams, Neteyam's lips were bruising and calloused and cold, and no matter how fiercely you wanted to protest, no matter how much you hated yourself for it, they were the only lips you ever dreamt about. And yet right now, they were nothing like you imagined, nothing like you feared, and despite the hurt, and the pain and the anguish and the anger, despite it all, you couldn't help reciprocating, couldn't help the moan the left you as his other hand found your hips, holding you impossibly closer, while your own hands found the back of his neck and his hair, that you tugged on until he growled. When he broke the kiss and looked at you, hunger and ache clear in his bright eyes, that looked more black than yellow as his hand found your jaw, that he lifted to tilt your head back, pushing his thumb past your lips so you'd keep quiet, you let out a small whimper, and watched as his pupils dilated even more, almost overtaking his beautiful, molten irises.

"Just...Stop talking."

His lips found the place on your jaw where his fingers just were, and the feeling of him on you burned like molten lava, and you push your head back, giving him access to all of you. Your mind felt numb - a battle within itself as it was trying to come to terms with all the  crushing emotions that were fighting for dominion over your thoughts and your soul, each one more devastating than the last - from the guilt that you knew would plague you for the rest of your life, that you didn’t think you’d ever be able to overcome, to the grief of losing your spirit sister, to confusion over what you were doing, over wondering if this was a mistake, to the sadness at Neteyam’s confession and the knowledge he loved you, and you pushed him away without meaning to, to earth-shattering anger at the realisation that this whole ordeal started over nothing and could have been solved if he only ever talked to you and finally, to the hatred that still blossomed, even after all this time, and finally, the desire, pure, unadulterated desire to have him, to be owned, to know what it feels like to be wholly his. You didn’t know which one would win, but you could only hope there’ll still be something left of you when the battle found its victor in the midst of all the chaos. 

He was rough as he pushed you until you tipped backwards, but his caress was gentle as he caught you and made sure you weren't hurt as your body hit the damp, soft grass. When he spread your legs and kneeled in between them, you knew you whatever ounce of self-restraint you had was swiftly thrown out the window, and you knew the relief you'd get to feel once he was done with you would be worth the regret in the morning - at least, it felt so right now. His fingers dug into your thighs as they massaged upwards, from your shins to your hips, and when both his thumbs caressed the sensitive spot at the edge of your loincloth, your breath hitched in your throat, silently begging him for more, hoping he wouldn't make you say words out loud you could never take back.

As if he could hear your thoughts, he spoke, his hands stilling on the knot of your tewng.

"Tell me you want this. I need to know you want this, or I stop."

You hissed at him, conflicted beyond words and reason, because no, of course you didn't. But yes, you did. Of course you did.

"I hate you. I fucking hate you, Neteyam."

At your words, his hands dropped from your hips and in an instant, he was on top of you, his gaze stopping the breath in your lungs as he looked at you, his hand gripping your throat once more, the aggressive gesture at odds with the softness in his eyes and the way he was caressing your jaw in barely-there touches with his thumb.

"I hate you more. So much more. I still need an answer, yawne."

You stared daggers at him, and refused to talk, but as you wrapped your fingers around his cummerbund and pulled him in, until his lips met yours in a messy kiss of teeth and tongues, throbbing deep in you at the way he moaned in your mouth, you knew words were meaningless, and words couldn't convey the feelings that tormented you, anyway. You reached for his tewng and masterfully unwrapped it, feeling his cock spring free and slap against your abdomen, and the weight of it made you gasp, a smirk erupting from his face in response.

You needed him. You needed him to numb the pain the he created, that you created, you needed the emptiness that came from being filled to the brim, the fleeting peace that would come with the high that you knew he could provide, because it hurt. It all hurt, and you couldn't stand it. You reached your hand and wrapped your fingers around his length, your slick leaving a wet patch in the fabric, that was increasing in size by the second, just at the thought of how he'd feel stretching you out. He let out a small groan at the way you were caressing him, running your thumb over the slit, smearing the precum that was leaking, that you felt a sudden urge to taste.

"F-fuck!"

"Take off my tewng, Neteyam."

"For once in your life, you will not get to dictate how this goes."

Despite his words, he listened, and you winced at the weight of his body being lifted off you, instantly missing the contact and comfort it provided. But he wasn't gone long, as he removed your clothes, and you tried not too think of how good his gaze felt on you, how empowering the desire in his eyes as he took you in, how he had to lick his lips and swallow audibly, as if he was a starved man in a desert, and you were his fata morgana.

He took no time in attaching himself to you again, the thick head of his cock prodding at your entrance, and the velvety feel of him against your folds involuntarily makes you shut your eyes closed and your head push back, need heightening at the way he starts licking and sucking at your breast, leaving purple marks in the wake of his lips and tongue, that you want on every inch of you, that you wanted to cum on as he made your knees buckle and your vision spot.

His face finds a home in the crook of your neck as he slides inside you, taking his time to feel you, every inch of your walls, as they stretched to accommodate for his size, and it feels so good, too good, his cock in you, his tail around your thigh, his fingers tracing soothing patterns on your skin, or gripping at your waist, his breath on your neck, his teeth sinking in you so he could stop himself from telling you all the confessions bubbling in his chest, all the ways it's all making sense to him now, that he's never hated you, he's just hated not having you, not being able to call you his. Still, as he bottoms out in you, he can't help some of them from spilling out, the dam of his heart slowly coming apart at the seams.

"It had to be someone who had no resemblance to you. It had to, Vi. Don't you understand? Because any time I looked at anyone, I saw you in them. Their eyes, or lips, their tanhì or stripes, even the smallest similarity killed me, reminded me how much I hate you, how much I want to, how much I don't. I've wanted to hate you so much, I tried so hard, but you were in every dream, in every fantasy, you haunted me my whole life."

You did understand. You understood too well. That's why you chose O'i'en. Because he was nothing like the Neteyam you came to know in the years you became an adult. Because his touch was warm and made you feel nothing. Because his eyes bore no resemblance to his, the glimmer of amber nothing like the green flickers that felt like were Eywa's inspiration for the forest that surrounded you; O'i'en's tanhì were scattered like light through the leaves and branches of the trees, unlike Neteyam's, which were like the star dust that created all life in the Universe, that shone brighter than any light post, that shone so brightly, they led you home every night when you were young.

The tears gathered in your eyes as he started a steady pace of his hips, conflicting feelings tugging at the string of your already broken and torn apart heart, whose heart beats felt dragging and echoing, different to the two sounds you were used to, instead pulsating three syllables throughout your whole body, enveloping you and taking over your mind, forcing you to come to terms with issues you thought you buried so deeply, you'd never have to see again.

I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I love you. I hate you, I hate you....

I love you.

"Neteyam..."

"I know. You're doing so well for me. So well. Fuck, you feel so, so good."

You moan at his words, the desire bubbling inside of you quickly reaching heights you wouldn't mind falling from, being pushed from, so you could feel the euphoria that came along with falling, without having to worry about the inevitable crash that would follow, at least not right now.

"I can feel you squeezing me. Come for me, yawne. I need to feel you come all over my cock."

For the first time since he's called you that, the term of endearment didn't feel ironic or facetious, and for once in your life, you had no problem obeying his orders - when you came, you came violently, legs shaking and back arched, whimpers and moans pushing past your lips unrestrained, and the sounds made his cock twitch inside of you, his own orgasm so close he could taste it. He lets you ride your high fully before pulling out of you, thick ropes of iridescent cum painting your abdomen and chest, that, in your fucked out mind, you almost wish painted your still-throbbing walls instead.

You know all my dreams, you were one, so it seemed And I love you but with you, it's heartache I breathe You gave it your all, just with everything you took from me

It was almost... domestic, the way he was asleep peacefully next to you, his breath so steady and deep, and so relaxed, it almost sounded like purring, his strong, muscular arms holding you close as you lay on your back, looking at the stars, bright, blurry orbs through the distorted lens of your tears, that couldn't stop falling, no matter how much you willed them away. The crash did come eventually, in the few hours since, and it felt like it broke all your bones in the process.

"You and me, we're meant to rise and fall together."

Those words, that became the overarching theme of your relationship, words that you never realised when you spoke them as a child that you would both take so literally, rang in your ears like a broken record your mind could no longer turn off. You were right, all those years ago. Even back then, you knew. You and Neteyam did rise together. From children to adults, from pupils to teachers, from toy soldiers to hardened warriors, rose you did, until you were so high up, the air was thin and suffocating. But nothing compared to your penchant for falling. You fell hard, from grace, from cloud nine, for the other's other schemes and plots, for your own compulsions, obsessions and greedy desires, and mostly, for each other. Your relationship was fire and ice, it was everything and nothing all at once, a war you fought and a war you lost, a war in which innocents had to die and lives were lost, a war you were finally tired of.

You and Neteyam rose and fell together, over and over again, your whole lives. A twisted carousel that wouldn't stop until one of you jumped off it, and with Oare's death, and the shame that followed it, you finally realised it had to be you.

In the early hours of the morning, after a quick wash in the cold lake, you found your way back to the village and straight to the Tsa'hik's tent. You were happy to see her, and nervous to talk, but you knew the quicker you got it out, the quicker it would be over. So with a deep breath, you spoke your piece, and hoped she'd listen.

“Ma Tsa’hik. I’m here to ask you to let me out of this arrangement. Please. I can’t do this, not with Neteyam. I’m done.”

Oh, my love Is this the end for us? Maybe we've had enough

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