#bc my throat fucking HURTS
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i have Covid šššššššš
#im in my bed dying#im off work 5 days#yay for that ig#my cat is laying with me bc he is the best#bless my lifetime bestie/cousin for getting me THC mints for my bday#he a real one#bc my throat fucking HURTS#which is how i knew the mfing second I woke up this morning that I had Covid#bc thatās exactly how I felt the first time I had it#bitch got me 2 times now#f u i hate u#i feel like S H I T#UGH
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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You saying you associate Vitus with mice/rats makes me imagine tiny Vitus sitting in Fulgrimās hand or on Fulgrimās shoulder (my siblings used to have rats and mice and with the nicer ones you could do that)
they're literally so inseparable its tooth rottingly cute
#eating sopaaa :3 (my throat hurts)#does anyone else crave soup/hot tea ONLY when ur sick#like otherwise i fucking hate it#anyways i love mice!#im unfortunately very ticklish so i tense up whenever im around rodents bc i worry imma flinch and accidentally hurt them#i imagine horus or someone saying something along the lines of ābrother your shoulder-ā#only to be interrupted by Fulgrim#āthats my baby u say nothing about himā#wuvz answers#fulgrim#vitus
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guys please tell me those batman #148 leaks of jason dying again are fake. tell me they're fake right fucking now i can't fucking do this shit right now i'm off my meds
#this better be bait or i swear to fucking god#i saw those 10 mins ago and i feel like i'm gonna die my heart is racing my hands are shaking my head hurts and i feel like committing crim#i'm too mentally ill for this#i wish this was a joke but i feel very dizzy as i type this and i can feel my heart beating on my throat#i will commit murder.#i hope from the bottom of my heart this is some fear toxin shenanigan bc even if i'm tired of writers making his death his only trait#i cannot handle if it's him actually dying again.#part of me knows dc would have to be very fucking stupid to kill jason again but it's fucking dc and they hate him so everything is possibl#there's things that could mean it's fake like he seems younger and he's in robin uniform for some fucking reason but god does it hurt#i'm trying not to freak out but there's that thing that your brain can't tell the difference between fiction and reality so i'm going insan#chat pray for me#i'm a fucking atheist but please pray for me#i think i'm going into cardiac arrest#jason todd#batman 148
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Thinkingā¦
Thinking abt Honkai Star men being dragged to a concert.
(Can be read platonic or romantic)
Sampo is so totally down for it. He just gives the energy of someone who wouldnāt say no to a free concert ticket (AND HONESTLY?? ME TOO BESTIE)
100% gives his all because why the fuck not? And itās so much fun. Likeā BABES. When I tell you that this man probably hypes you up hella hard when you start belting it outā I MEAN IT.
Heās taking pictures, heās taking videos. (Heās 100% taking advantage of your excitement to get a few free drinks)
Okayā but Sampo would totally be happy for you. And heās also really happy. Like youāre yelling your lungs out. Singing screamingā it does not matter. Both of your throats are GONE by tomorrow.
Speaking ofā Sampo probably almost made you two late. By accident. He just kept forgetting things or tried buying stuff.
Itās fine, after the concert he was a gentleman with guiding you back to the room. You both knock the fuck out though. Your heads hit those pillows and you were GONERS.
Itās NOT Gepardās first concert. I refuse to believe that man has never attended any of Servalās concerts. Heās got the best tickets, the best placing, he knows when to get ready and when to goā Dawg is your best man to be with for concerts.
Heās not good at singing, but fuck that. Youāre both singing and losing your voices. Both of you are standing and fucking rocking out to the music.
And if Serval is trying to get people onstage?? SHUT UP, YOU TWO ARE TRYING TO GET THE OTHER ONSTAGE. Itās such a funny mess because you guys are too high on energy and pointing at one another.
Doesnāt matterā neither of you are chosen. But thatās okay bc you two are laughing so hard and leaning against each other. Like jfc you guys lost a lung AND your voices.
Gepard had to awkwardly tell Bronya that he couldnāt make it to work today. Why? Ohā¦ you know. No voice, haha.
She knows and is happy heās getting time to have fun.
Dan Heng?? How tf did you get him to go?
Itās not that hard actually. March and Stelle tag teamed his ass into going.
But thatās fiiine. Heās perfect for navigation and knows where stuff is. Heās got your back with the good hotels and restaurants.
At first, this man is QUIET. Heās nodding his head to the beat, but thatās it. It isnāt until later when the energy is really out there, that you catch him standing.
He probably doesnāt yell or scream like you, March, and Stelle. Dawg probably smiles like a dumbass though and is shaking his head. You guys wonāt have voices for shit tomorrow. Thatās okay, he can help soothe your sore throats in the morning.
He wonāt admit it (he does but not verbally), but he enjoyed the concert. Like he loved seeing you guys let loose and go wild. Makes him feel like shit is gonna be okay.
After the concert is so funny tho. March is riding that energy high, Stelle wants to devour food (and probably inedible stuff), and youāre slowly crashing. So heās got you leaning against him while trying to convince the other two to get back to the hotel room.
Heās semi-successful.
NOW JING YUANā I am so biased towards this man. You guys donāt even know.
But heās slightly unsure what to do, but whatever. Heāll follow your lead.
Fuck the beforeā DURING?? His hand is hovering over the small of your back. Any open drink you have is covered so it doesnāt spill on your outfit. Heās watching out for you with the softest and happiest smile. Because heād trade the world for you to be this carefree.
Youāre yelling, screaming, singingā you definitely have a sore throat. But thatās okay. Heāll take care of you. He promises.
Bro probably is laughing and smiling so hard. Likeā you take his hand and start scream-singing the lyrics and heās for it. Do that sway stay-in place dance with him. Please. Heās overjoyed every time you face him with that smile.
Okay, but afterwards, heās probably still dealing with lingering energy. You two are clearly dropping in energy levels, and heās urging you to the hotel room. Saying stuff āwe can see it tomorrow, just rest for now,ā while helping you deal with a very sore throat.
ā¦ this man has my heart wtf. I am so biased with him.
For Blade? Good luck. I actually donāt know how youād get his ass to go. But if you do, youāre the safest motherfucker there.
Your drinks? Safe. Your items? Safe. You? Safest person to exist. Heās responsible for your ass nowā¦ much to his dismay.
I donāt have a good grasp of his character yet, but I think heād be a bit irked. Irkedā¦ but slightly smug knowing you chose him over Kafka and Silver Wolf. Because, hey, thatās shit he can say heās done that the other two havenāt.
Oh, but heās so over it at the end. āGet your merch and letās goā type bs. Literally picks you up and makes his way to the hotel roomā bc we all know he wouldnāt settle for some cheap ass hotel. Dude made sure it was nice enough where there was two beds and easy to secure.
You probably had at least one argument the entire day. Maybe more bc itās Blade.
Itās fun though bc youāre smiling and donāt put up that bad of a fuss. Especially when he tosses you onto the bed and almost threatens you to sleep.
You knock out about thirty minutes after.
Blade just lets you sleep and debates if he wants to let you deal with that sore throat or not. (Spoiler; he doesnāt)
#went to see Katy Perry and jfc#my throat hurts dawg#talking isnāt an option for tomorrow#but it was worth it#crow writes#honkai star rail x reader#sampo x reader#sampo koski x reader#gepard x reader#gepard landau x reader#dan heng x reader#jing yuan x reader#blade x reader#hsr blade x reader#also Stelle mc bias bc I use her and sheās so fucking laid back and reckless
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Oral allergy syndrome is fucking crazy like I'm allergic to 90% of raw fruits and vegetables (and some nuts) and I didn't even know it existed til maybe a year ago. Everyone I've spoken to ALSO had no clue it existed. And apparently everyone who has hay-fever has it to some degree???
#fires posts#ramblings#I have all my veggies cooked anyway but I just?? Never ate fruit??#āYour body's not used to itā is all I ever got told growing up#and I just??? Accepted that fruit was going to make my throat and stomach hurt whenever I ate it?? Bc I didn't eat enough???#anyway I am trying to clean up my diet bc I can't keep living on biscuits and chocolate for lunch breaks#So any cooked fruit recipe (ideally without extra carbs) is very much appreciated lads#The only fruit ik i dont like is watermelon and oranges are pretty mid (which is so fucking annoying bc they dont trigger my OAS)
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ok this recovery process is truly more miserable than i thought it would be
#major tmi but it's gonna be days before i'm able to take a shit and i ate a lot of food the day before yesterday#so that cramping in the area where the surgery took place is VERY painful#i can't really eat because 1. throat hurts from having a breathing tube shoved down it#2. can't smoke weed to help my appetite bc the coughing hurts too bad (and all I have is wax & dabs make you cough a lot more)#and 3. the whole aforementioned being unable to shit thing makes me too nervous to put any more food in my stomach#i'm so fucking hungry my stomach hurts so bad#all i've eaten since yesterday is a few chips and half of a taco#pain meds aren't working at all so i quit taking em so my stomach wouldn't be even more fucked#especially since i was taking them on an empty stomach#i can hardly walk i need a cane BAD#peeing hurts bc they had to mess around w my bladder during surgery too#i'm just miserable as fuck#.bdo
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Back into the spotlight
#shiko speaks#yarnart#im going to sleep early tonight bc I think i want my meds mostly flushed by the time Im there tomorrow just in case#as in take sleeping meds at like. 5 and them have them kick in at like 7 or some shit#idk im very tired and all ive been doing today is rendering I got a headache and throat hurts#lynh ref#lynhref#what the fuck is the tag#celeste soliayre#celeste soliare#i dont remember if I tag them as lynh idk ill figur it out later#i put effort into doing lineless for this (which made it 10x longer)#ocs#oc#original character#original characters#lynh soliayre
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Fell back asleep for a while (still have a horrible headache btw) and I had the most disturbing dream that I'm going to tell you guys about in the tags
#so i was on a road trip with a bunch of people i dont even know and there were like 10 of us packed into a van#and they were so fucking loud and my head was hurting even in my dream so i was like CAN EVERYONE PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP#and we get to this hotel or like house place thats like a hotel#amd we go inside and i go check the fridge and there was a thick lemonade snoothie looking drink in this clear pitcher in the fridge#and i pulled it out and look inside and there was a live fucking lizard in there all covered in the smoothie stuff trying to escape#and i was like damn i should let that outside in a minute#but i went to looks for meds first bc like i said my head was hurting even in my dream#and when i come back the pitcher is empty (no lizard no smoothie stuff)#and i was like ...... did someone drink this??#and this guy was like nah that was cake batter i put in the oven#and i was like YOU FUCKING PUT IT WHERE????#so i get this sheet pan out of the oven and there is a half baked cake and in the middle was the lizard all charred and dead looking#and i was like fuck dude you killed it#but then#BUT THEN#the fucking lizard gets up and jumped out of the cake batter and starts speed running around the place like up on the walls and ceiling#and it seemed pissed as hell#like rightfully so bc someone tried to bake it into a cake but still#so i was running around trying to stay away from it bc i got the impression that it would bite whoever it got close to#and then i woke up and for a second it felt like something was crawling on me#and i had a small/brief panic as i checked the bed for any lizards (there was nothing there)#and now im awake and my head hurts even worse and my throat hurts and my body hurts and its very possible that im sick
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Me: wow im glad we got through my roommate getting covid without getting infected too, we're so good at stopping the spread im gunna get such a good grade in being healthy
Me, two weeks later: oh no
#i haven't tested yet bc we're out of tests#but my chest fucking hurts and so does my throat#ugghhhhh
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...
#remember when i could draw? when i had time to draw and color?#bleh. im just sorta exhausted and dont feel good and starting to get overwhelmed by all that i need to get done#weirdest version of being sick ive had. i dont have a fever but i feel hot and my throat hurts and i have to take deep breaths but not#really coughing so im like??? am i sick???#ugh. i dunno ive been going to sleep at like 9pm and its only 7 and im so tired but i have a paper to read#maybe ill read it in the morning and not do pigment analysis tomorrow... but i wanna see those god damn pigment >:-(#i dunno. im also just kinda frustrated bc im running into things that my mum was in control of the info on#so its like: well i cant access my fasfa account. i dont kno where my vaccine info is. i dont kno if my mum had uterine fibroids before it#all turned to cancer. i dunno. im just tired#also i bitched out on a pap smear bc it hurt too bad. so ive had a day.#but ive got a birth control perception again. i dont wanna take it but like i cant really aford to go out of focus and go out of commission#via pain. so like i guess i gotta. ugh. it better not fuck with my medication#hopefully ill wake up tomorrow and all will be well in the world#unrelated
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it is 7:39am and i'm already having a fucking terrible day and am in tears so š love this for me
#the heat in my house isn't working AGAIN#and i woke up to it being 15Ā°C in my house#my throat is sore and my head hurts#and dan and phil have a limited edition sweater that i desperately want but can't afford#and i'm annoyed bc i have so much shit to do#today is Bad Day#and the stress is making my head hurt more#but i can't afford to not go into work today so that's fun#i'm just#so fucking over today already#can i please go back to bed#please#can today be cancelled#ššššš#personal rambles#ignore this#not important#stick is being dramatic#again#not stargate
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been sick w pharyngitis 2 weeks. will somebody please euthanize me
#dear god this shit is awful#my throat hurts so bad and my nose is runny so i cant even fucking breathe#im tired as fuck too bc i couldnt sleep last night thanks to the pain#val.txt
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me in 2022 after getting my covid and flu shots at the same time: wow this was awful, i'm never doing this again
me on nov 1, 2024: i should just get my covid and flu shot at the same time so i don't have to go to walgreen's twice š¤”
needless to say, that was a horrible idea and i feel like garbage now
#the post vax fever finally hit me last night right as i was settling in to bed#i had to get up to go to the bathroom and i was freezing my ass off and shivering uncontrollably#and then i woke up at 1 am when my fever started to break#but then i woke up and my fever came back#and i think it's been trying to break bc i've been so hot the past hour#and also i've had a sore throat through all of this#and my left arm hurts so fucking bad (that was the arm i got the covid shot in)#i'm stupid tho and will keep making this horrible decision every year probably#the only thing that stopped me from getting both shots at the same time last year was walgreen's had run out of covid shots for that day#so i could only get the flu shot#and had to reschedule the covid shot for a couple days later
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bro wants me to give him the sloppiest turbo spin cycle pre rinse wash and repeat top that has ever been known to mankind ill set a world record if necessaryā¦ā¦.,,.,,..,,,,ā¦.
#he wants me in the hospital jaw wired shut left to drink pasta smoothies after bc of how bad imma sprain that shit#those glasses ??? the backwards snapback ??????????#fucking kick me in throat itāll actually hurt less like#also i donāt wanna talk about his hand but i am also asking desperately how much for that necklace#hahahahhhahahhahhhhhahHHSHDHAHHHHAHAHHAHHHHAHH#i think i might#actually be losing it#i hate irl men so fucking bad bc ur telling me imma have to settle for a mf#who doesnāt have a CRUMBST of what this manās got goin on#like iām actually in deep physical pain rn and itās EMBARRASSING#chose this man w my pussy all of two days into getting into skz#what a fucking joke when i was thinkin like hyunjin was gonna be my bias#who do i think i AM#i need him not even biblically but in a far more devious and maybe even downright despicable way.#christopher bang when i catch u whEN I FUCKING CATCHU MANN#ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦..who am i rn#ā stray kids#ā bang chan
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Actually devastated that nobody I know has the kink bc there's nobody to appreciate how fucking gross I sound and think it's hot š
#kinda snz#i swear i think I'm losing my voice#i sound so gravely and my throat fucking hurts#to my person's credit they try so hard for me but it's not the same as if they had the kink š#also i didn't know how nice it was for people to say 'bless you'????#like i never say it to anyone bc my automatic reaction is either 'ew' or a grimace š#also it seems weird to me idk like there's gotta be something else to say that ain't that#anyway#there's something about the people i like saying it to me that's been making me soft rn for some reason#usually I'm horrified but i don't mind it so much rn lmao
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