#bc just thinking about this makes me so goddamn happy
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tit summary/thoughts/spoilers under the cut!! <3
hiii wanted to make one of these just so I can ramble about everything bc what a crazy night LMAOO gonna make another post about the day so this is just about the show
my soul left my body when the lights went dark omfg, that is literally one of my favourite parts about concerts/live shows. the smoke and lights was a lot but the second they came out it’s like everything cleared up, i loveee how they come out with their backs to us and then the happy silly music when they’re running around saying hi hehehehe
the whole intro/beginning part was so fun i just loved the bits when they were just talking to us, canada love, the history of dnp/why we're all here etc etc. the dolls/diorama is such a fun little phistory recap, though i will say it was not as wild as i was maybe expecting or what they've done on other nights lol. they "wrestled" in the first one, nothing in the manchester apartment, "kissed" (69-ed lol) in the london one and that was it but they were all SO well made (shoutout pj and sophie), i loved phil's hoodie for the 2 apartment era hehe
role model or no-le model: very fun section, i wish i could tell you all the fill in the blanks we did but i can't remember for the life of me lol i shouted yaoi so loud for all of the lawyer dan ones but alas :( but i do remember lawyer dan writes erotica about timbits, then when the side by sides came up on the screens after it had been changed to "Phim Phbits" which made them both genuinely laugh it was so sweetie. we killed regular dan and doctor phil
phanspiracies were: toilet, clothes, tour bus and wedding. honestly very solid picks, it was so surreal seeing those "phan proof" comps of them wearing the same clothes on the screen down to the zoomed in picture of the underwear from the christmas cookies video 😭 the tour bus clip will never not be crazy but it was SO funny bc we cheered so loudly after phil said it was true that they shared the bed and dan was judging us but all i could think about is the stunned silence from phantwerp day one, i will never forget listening to that live and it's probably been so entertaining for them to see the shift from that lmao. the wedding edits were so funny dan was like "i know you had that as your desktop background for 6 years" and someone behind me was like "YES I DID", dan's little kick and cheeky smile at "i'm just opposed to anything traditional" ok sure
i can't remember which section this was during it was something to do with discussing a past era but phil said "maybe I was just horny" and i screamed lmao
the boxing segment ajdjkskjsf i have been waiting for it my entire goddamn life tbh and it was so fun. no one told me about the visuals on the screen ok why do they look so GOOD in them?? i wasn't actually expecting them to knock each other out or anything but it did seem a tinyy bit tamed down from what i've seen before, like they were being very gentle with each other lol but it was cute, the bite was still bite-y and the run around the theatre was craaaazy, the camera following them is so good lol
they yapped for moose. meese. meeses for a minute straight and i forgot it was supposed to be a bit it was so natural they're good at it whether they like it or not
oh yeah that's the other thing. they are fucking INCREDIBLE performers. like, they are so good at what they do and it was one of the highlights of my life getting to experience it irl. the show is incredibly well paced, the script is funny, the audience participation makes it but it's so insane to see how well they work together. the comfort and familiarity after so many years plays a huge part (there was a solid like 7 shoulder touches btw) but their dynamic is soooo good, they play off of each other so well. literally everything @cheekyvank described to me about dan as a performer is true. he was ALWAYS moving, he moves his mouth and bends and grooves and does the absolute most but it's soooo natural, like he has so much fun doing it. that man is a theatre kid all grown up and it's incredibly endearing but he's also a master, like he was MADE to be on a stage, he's so fucking good at balancing between roasting and teasing us and pointing out at people and winking and he called out someone filming without actually saying anything and it was so smooth and lowkey hot but also like jesus i didn't even risk TRYING to take a picture i am sooooooo scared of him. also thanks to you @jonsaremembers i was looking forward to the 4 g's all night, i am their geeky girlie forever and ever 🫶
and phil. oh my sweet precious baby angel. my heart was burstingggg with phil love all night. he is so, so so so good literally everything right with this world tbh. you can tell he has SO much fun on the stage as well, there's moments where his smile softens or he just looks out onto the audience and i want to shower him with love and affection (and we did! i honestly think one of the loudest screams was for "normal phil" during role model hehe). he is so effortlessly funny, the silly little run over to the microphone every time for the "hiatus" was one of my favourite bits of the show. i absolutely loved his getting real with us bit, it reminded me so much of his youtube videos- and i hope he knows how powerful and meaningful that "light entertainment" is for us. his voice was soooo soft and gentle it was like we were his children he was talking to which i guess we kind of are in this context. i love him forever and ever
sister daniel. INCREDIBLE follow up. i knew it was coming and nothing prepared me for Her. another part of the set design/production that is so well done, the visuals and the bass dropping when she comes out is SOOO fucking good. i have never screamed so loudly in my life. i would do anything she asked me to. the underwear were so fucking short i could not see a THINGGG like. fucking hell. lots of pulling the dress down and legs crossed/staying sat the whole time though lol which fair but the confessions and water spraying was fun, it will never not be funny when dan shames people for opening their mouths after they say it's sister daniel's bath water lmfaooo
the SONG!!!!!!!! the most fun. in the entire world. it's so good it's so fun. the lyrics, them going FULL boy band mode, the hands folding over and doob grab was infinitely more devastating irl. dan is so fucking good at the dance i love you forever terminal theatre kid and i think phil has reached the peak of how well he can do it and i want to give him his flowers for trying his damn best every time you keep doing you baby. the part where it kinda slows down and they're just doing the geekiest moves ever like those are my BABIESSS dfjksajdks standing up to rave with dnp in a room full of phannies was the highlight of my entire fucking life.
this was SO much longer than i anticipated and i'm probably still gonna go on about things as i remember it but it was genuinely the most fun and memorable night of my life. i love these two silly little guys so much, it was so surreal seeing them in person after over a decade and i would do anything to experience it again but i'm so, so grateful i got to do it once and i will cherish the memories forever. and this has only made me more insane about them and cemented the fact that i wholeheartedly believe they love us, this new era, and that they're not going away anytime soon so i WILL see you guys back on the internet and hopefully outside of it one day again too <3
(i lied here’s the one picture I took aka far from dan’s prying eyes during the part where they’re not there being gay getting out of their clothes)
#dnp#dan and phil#phan#tit tour#titspoilers#tit spoilers#terrible influence tour#titronto#titblossoms#my show
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tuesday again 11/5/2024
i am going to do my absolute fucking best to stay off the internet today. also the next time i write one of these i will be goddamn thirty. yeesh.
listening
it took three hours to make a normally brisk 50-minute trip back from the airport on sunday bc there were simply so many accidents. my phone wasn't charging, i was kind of locked into the one way i actually knew how to get home, it was pouring, and the only radio station that was reliably coming through was the local dad rock station.
youtube
i don't think i've ever actually heard this song all the way through before! i have of course heard the chorus in eight billion advertisements and trailers etc, but i tuned in right at the lyrics
I was a willow last night in my dream I bent down over a clear running stream Sang you the song that I heard up above And you kept me alive with your sweet flowing love
big ren faire lady of shallott vibes.
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reading
witch hat atelier, the first twelve volumes that are out in english anyway. let's yoink the setup from the fan wiki.
Coco, a girl living in a small village, had been dreaming of becoming a magician since little. But people who don't know how to use magic since birth are unable to become magicians, or witness the moment magic occurs. But one day, Coco accidentally saw Qifrey, a magician that was visiting the village casting a spell. Ecstatic to finally know how magic works, she tries it immediately and transforms her mother into a stone statue. With the help of Qifrey and his disciples, Coco will embark in a magical journey to save her mother.
this gets a lot of ghibli comparisons, and i get it-- there's a lot of concern about healing scars from a near-cataclysmic magical war, lots of contraptions, bucolic countryside, loving shots of food, etc. i think there is a focus on academia and cohort-building, and how networking is a profession all to itself, that we do not generally see in ghibli films. i think the comp pull should go beyond the aesthetics, as well, but ghibli is still a good comp-- the world of witch hat atelier is dangerous and can hurt or kill you, but it treats the reader's heart with the same care a ghibli movie will. things may not be happily ever after or go perfectly at all times, but there are no twists for the sake of twists, and it doesn't sneer or make fun of you for caring about a character. there are no whedonesque "well THAT happened!" moments. these characters are going to learn and grow and you will learn and grow along with them goddamnit. it is queer but incidentally queer. the folx side of the fags-folx spectrum will feel very welcome here but this is not a tenderqueer kind of gay book. characters are incidentally gay because of course they are, that's just how the world works, look at all the fullness of human expression you can encounter in your one short life, why NOT be gay
i did not expect this series to kickstart a fresh wave of grief for my own academic experience. coco leans on her cohort so much and they truly do work together to solve problems and come up with good solutions and i wish i had had that kind of astronomy experience. it's kind of cold comfort that i don't know and have never heard of a woman having a good astronomy experience.
witch hat atelier: very fun to sink into the details on a page (Kamome Shirahama knows how functional but pretty clothes work), endlessly charming veneer on a very taut game of political ethics happening in the grownups' background
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watching
happy noirvember!!!
youtube
Another Man's Poison (1952, dir. Rapper) courtesy of Kanopy's little revolving carousel of new noir films.
An English mystery writer (Bette Davis) kills her husband, then tries to kill a man (Gary Merrill) posing as her husband.
In his review in New Statesman and Nation, Frank Hauser wrote "No one has ever accused Bette Davis of failing to rise to a good script; what this film shows is how far she can go to meet a bad one."
a plot that could only happen in a country where appearances are everything. i must agree with mr hauser and most of the critics of the time who said Huh???? to the script and basic premise. AND the ending is a little too pat. a breakneck ninety minutes filmed in three months where its stage play bones show. however i really like Bette Davis and it's so much fun to watch Bette Davis pace around an English manor house like a caged tiger.
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playing
fallow week, i am having a consistent problem with the now five year old gaming rig overheating and once i solve that issue i am very excited to play Red Dead Redemption the original (thank you again @pasta-pardner !)
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making
deep cleaned my entire house. drove three hundred miles this weekend to pick up my sister and her friend from the airport, go to the ren faire, come back from the ren faire, and take them back to the airport. houston delivered to me some of the worst fucking driving experiences i have ever had here. really upsetting torrential downpour for nearly an hour on a road with no shoulder to speak of.
the actual ren faire was fun! i did not realize how vital a chair or bench with a fucking back was to my rest and recovery. it was nice to go with fellow adults and not help wrangle several small children, as fun as a kid-friendly experience can be. got my overpriced gyro for the year. got my bootleg anime merch for the year. wish it hadn't rained but i feel very smug for packing enough umbrellas and ponchos.
#tuesday again#tuesday again no problem#listen this one's a little light but i am experiencing The Horrors
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Ykw
One day I'll be able to see my friends smile in response to my dumb jokes and it'll all be worth it :) I'll be able to hug my friends and watch TV with them and life will be so much more beautiful than it has ever been
#positivity#long distance friendships#genuinely about to cry#from joy#bc just thinking about this makes me so goddamn happy#yall are great#i love yall so much
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there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y
hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]
#ramble after realtags yeag. shoutout to serrangelic btw suggesting the silhouettes thing bc i would have Died otherwise#pizza tower#peppino spaghetti#fake peppino#gustavo and brick#arting#pizzaposting#so anyway i think fake peppino has like. a general awareness that he is supposed to Be Peppino and that he was Made to do that#and likewise he does generally try to...do that. the thing he does NOT realize is hes like really goddamn bad at it#not to be mean but like...c'mon. they are pretty distinctly different kinds of guys even beyond the physiology yknow.#he's neither on-brand nor fooling anyone dsjdsjjkgfsd. BUT!#since the rest of the cast generally likes him [at least as I play it] he thinks hes doing just fine#he's like 'oh they r happy with me so i must be getting a good grade in being peppino :)'#so getting told that 'yeah you actually really suck at that but that was never the reason people liked you'#and told that by og model peppino no less--yknow THE guy he's supposed to be living up to#who's already a bit intimidating for that and who ALSO totally wrecked him TWICE in the tower#making him acutely familiar with just how formidable the guy is and how much there IS to live up to....#it's a Moment for sure. not really a sad or hurt one though. just... contemplative.#thinking abt people liking him for being the guy he's already naturally been being even though that guy is Not Peppino#i don't think he's gonna be super broken up about realizing he has a bad grade in peppino given everything else hes got now#nor do i really think he cares enough to go like reinvent himself or whatever after the fact#he seems to b pretty clearly having fun with it already so i think he just keeps doing that#and in some cases he still has the pre-installed peppino traits/instincts like to cooka da pizza. and that's fine#is this projection. yes. but if youve been following me awhile you know most of my character writing is ghdhfdgf#gonna kinda expand on all this in the gerome one which is...one after next. itll be a bit but man.#anyway peppino will never admit to anyone and especially not himself that he's gotten a little attached to the guy. hee hoo#pep tends to be kinda surly but he certainly has his ways of showing he cares. all of which are on display here#''that thing is not my son'' says man currently watching thing's antics with the 'bemused dad' arms crossed pose. yeah ok buddy.#gus is totally onto him already but hes not gonna say anything.#if u read all this ur prize is not having to go decode fp's rot13. his lines are ''meant to be you...?'' and ''wrong question.''
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I would say I have no explanation for this, but uh. I really do. Behold: the first ideas for a Terror IndyCar AU that has possessed me for the last 36 straight hours. It would not leave me alone until I put some of it to paper.
Behold: Crozier as an established, relatively liked, if cynical, driver, upstart rookie James Fitzjames, and Hickey, who is, as always, totally normal and not causing problems.
The art is rushed, but I needed to purge the demons as fast as I could
#i have never drawn hickey before. its not good but I'm tired.#as always my sketches look better than the final. it's fine. im not annoyed. not at all.#anyway. today? an AU nobody hut me ever asked for and debatably nobody else wants. tomorrow? the same.#thought i was clever for making Hickey's sponsor be a vodka company after Crozier gets sober#could Not come up with a suitable sponsor for JFJ. too tired.#in my head silna is a very competent canadian driver on crozier and jfj's team#goodsir is on the pit crew for silna most of the time. stanley is the lead mechanic#runs their shop like it's the goddamn navy and nobody ever knows if he's happy with things.#blanky is either a manager or the guy to talks to drivers on team radio during races#anyway if i ever do anything like this i plan to have crozier ultimately win a 4th 500#but only after james has a horrible crash that ends his season and many press people think will end his career#just so he can kiss francis at victory circle#look. i have very little to say for myself aside from the fact that i have been going to the indy 500 since i was 7 years old.#almost 20 years ago#and the IMS and indycar is very important to me. one of the few sports i care about and want to follow more.#so. uh. yeah. watch this space bc it will probably keep bothering me bc I Need It.#(also very silly but i tried to make crozier and james's drivers suits have shoulder shapes like epaulettes. i thought that was fun)#again sorry for the quality but i drew all of this in like 4 hours today. i am a woman Possessed.#anyway im gonna crawl back into my cringe hole. see y'all#the terror
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Hanging out with the bestie is scream laughing about funny/cringy shit we did when we were in middle school, then immediately after talking about why we feel unlovable lmao
#not snz#the duality of man fr lmaooooo#my stomach literally hurts from laughing so much#and then we goddamn were like 'anyway there's something wrong with me on the romance department'#amazing ahdkakslal#no bc I'm fucking weird like#whenever i like someone it's just kinda for fun#like it's not serious and i don't want it to go anywhere i just like having a little crush i guess#idk how to explain it but it seems nice in my head i just don't wanna fr date them?? but it's nice to imagine???#but the second i find out they like me it's over and done and i don't like them anymore#like no absolutely not it can't be real#i literally have no idea why I'm like this#it's fr just a celebrity crush but with my friends#i don't get it#like yeah i absolutely should like them in theory and want to date them#like i know anyone else in my position would be so happy their crush liked them back#but for me i hate it like it ruins the whole thing bc i don't actuslly wanna date them?????#genuinely no clue what's wrong with me that makes me panic and frantically try to press the backspace button when my crush likes me back#but that's why i don't have a partner LMAO#idk maybe my person feels safe bc it's technically not a real relationship and therefore it's safe#whatever I'm too tired to deal with this but just know there's something so fucking wrong with me#also i know i was literally just talking about this like a day ago but I'm still think about it#like fr what is wrong with me someone tell me what flavor of fucked up i am that I'm like this lmao
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If I could change one thing in my life I'd make it so no one ever commented on food
#elias.zip#im so fucking tired of it!!! joking or not its fucking degrading. just constantly. i get it im so fucking unhealthy all i eat is processed#chemical slop thats gonna kill me at 30 and im the unhealthiest person in the fucking work#world* you dont need to fucking remind me every goddamn day. even the comments that arent bad still make me feel likr shit for eating!!! i#already feel really bad about how poorly i eat. i literally cannot fucking starve myself more basically over this kind of comment.#like damn!!! i sure do have a lot of body issues for someone whos skinny WHY am i even complaining in the first place likr i used to fucking#hate my stomach and its noy when#even* big and i think its gone down bc i eat even less now!!! i cannoy make ANYONE happy no matter what i do or what i cook its always comme#nt comment comment in everything i fucking do. i swear to god im never going to fucking recover from living with them. i would've run away i#f i grew up with them im serious#negative#ihateithereihateithereihateithere#nothing's working out. i csnt make friends. i csnt keep them. im a fucking deadbeat im just like my dad in every conceivable way no ones pr#oud of me no matter what i do and i fucked myslef from any opportunity i had to get out of the system what is the fucking point#i jsut dont knoe anymore!!!!!! its not like the Future even looks good or that i see myself anywwhre but in the exact same spot because all#i ever fucking manage to achieve is self sabotage and whining about how no one loves me. god!!!!!
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I hate this. I don't want a romantic relationship or situationship or anything like that- I just want a friend I can platonically flirt with (and be flirted with) in a way that seems romantic but isn't. Give me the comfort of recognizing that I'm not ostracized and can have people interested in me just like most of my other friends without the pressure of having to reciprocate anything.
Call me a pretty boy, tell me you love me, make some flirty comment and tease me when I get embarrassed by it, hold me, hold me
#I think I'm asking for a qpr#ive got so much internalized guilt for wanting anything other than a stereotypical average relationship though#having and identity crisis#you mean well (you know who you are) but it just makes me feel guilty#i dont wanna go back to my old name and pronouns#“tomboy” doesnt fucking fit me#maybe im not a guy either i dont ficking know but being called a guy makes me so goddamn happy#i dont wanna say this tl you directly bc I'm shit with boundaries and assume the worst so i feel like youll judge me#but god#you've helped me more than anyone and maybe youre right abkut this too#but maybe id rather suffer with a “double life” than give up this part of me that makes me so damn happy#i CRIED when you called me my birth name. it physically disgusted and hurt me to hear that from you directed at me.#i know that wasnt the intent#but thats how it felt for me#im really hoping you find this (the tags not the post itself) bc i know damn well i wont voice this aloud to you#text me about it on discord instead lf here if you do though okay? i dont check my messages on here
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in the club bathroom straightup pondering it. and by "it" haha well let's just say, 'whether or not i should attempt to finish & share a fic i've been working on for nearly a year now'
#happy june everybody#life's weird#so many many unexpected things happen and then you just have to make decisions about them like damn#to be clear i am not in a club bathroom right now#i just cant believe THAT's where i felt the most clarity about this thing that's been bothering me for almost 12 months#like yes the main reason i havent been posting or even reading is time#so many life/work/money/health insurance things have distracted me from all kinds of hobby type stuff#but also. that's been the case for long enough now that the scraps of time i do find surely could have amounted to something already#IF i was really certain that i wanted them to#and that kind of certainty is precisely what i haven't been able to hold onto long enough to make anything happen#bc the sad truth is i have been writing! i even think some of it's very good! but commit to posting it? that's another story entirely#and i HATE being so conflicted/anxious over a thing i do for fun#what the fuck is that about!#but still i have been#ugh i dont know what to do#club bathroom clarity come back#the worst part is i wasnt even drunk yet i must've just been enjoying myself enough that i was relaxed for the first time in a long time#tho clearly not as much as i could have been enjoying myself if i still had time to think about goddamn fanfic at the club
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#fuck me fuck me fuck me#my ex texted me last week & ive been so FUCKING conflicted about it (even tho ik i shouldnt give a single fuck)(but i fucking MISS them#EVEN THO ik i REALLY shouldnt)(aaaAAAAA)#but i havent responded yet and i dont Plan to (bc even tho i WANT to ik thats Stupid & a Bad Idea)(& probably entirely self-destructive)#but i HAVENT yet. and i havent seen them in fucking months and. but i just saw them#i just walked past them#and if my friend hadnt been there to pull me along and keep walking me over to where we were headed anyway and then walk me home...#fuck me. fuck. i think id have just... frozen#i almost did anyway#and i KNOW just walking home was the Objectively Correct move but. holy FUCK its taking all my goddamn willpower not to just.#run out into the fuvking night and find them again. what the hell is wrong with me#*i* broke up with THEM. bc they were triggering my rsd and making me spiral ((WHICH wasnt necessarily always their fault!! so i wouldve#been happy to keep managing that myself!! the way i usually do!!)) but more importantly they were APPARENTLY sneaking around behind my back#Still. apparently they were Still sneaking around behind my back.#so i left#and ive regretted that ever since. even though ive always known that was the right choice ive ALWAYS doubted. bc they were so#ugh. FUCK.#i hate everything. its so dark and confusing and terrible and it was so fucking easy to just trust them and love them wholeheartedly and#that was the thing i cant regret. i cant make myself regret that i threw myself into it completely#it was just. so lovely#and everyone keeps telling me that i did nothing wrong & that i made the right choice to take care of myself & that i should just move on#but if it was the right choice why is it so fucking awful?? why is it STILL so FUCKING AWFUL even tho i kinda thought it was getting BETTER#its been fucking MONTHS why do i still want them. why do *i* want to fucking APOLOGIZE for breaking up with them over the ways THEY HURT ME#why is it still so hard to get it through my fucking head that they didnt keep their promises!!#again and again pulling the same bullshit!! this text they sent FIT the FUCKING FORMULA. AS ALL THEIR OTHER ''im sorry can we talk'' ONES#the apology and the excuse and the offer for a conversation ''if youre comfortable and willing'' all followed by something terribly sweet#and totally disarming. and it FUCKING WORKS. EVERY DAMN TIME.#i dont WANT it to. but it DOES. and theres an extremely loud part of me that just wants to run headlong into it & say fuck the consequences#but i SHOULDNT. fucken hell i feel so uncertain abt every decision i made wrt them. but im trying to take care of myself now at least#bee speaks
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why am I so fucking easy though he barely even manipulated me
#if at all.#who needs lovebombing when all he has to do is only be a dick about things that won't hurt me much to get my clothes off#(instead of the usual being a dick about things he knows will sting)#throw in some generic praise he probably got off one of his shitty scripts n i'm high as a fucking kite#til i crash#so what the fuck do i do now#i just. keep craving it. even though i hate it n the way it makes me feel n how it haunts me for the days after#can i go back to being numb now. i'm done w/ this i don't wanna feel things anymore#i rly hate that i went outta my way to......show gratitude. after he said he'd tone down the shit i don't like#cause the next damn time i went over he just took it all the way anyway#i thought maybe if i made it worth it for him he might actually listen when i ask him not to do smth....#shoulda known though. he wasn't happy w/ me tryin to set rules for him. i tried to make it a negotiation instead of that but..#he just pretended it's all good for a bit to get my guard down. like he always does.#i thought he was just doin whatever he wanted as usual but. ofc it was a punishment.#i stepped outta line n just bc he can't beat me anymore don't mean there won't be consequences#the question remains why the fuck do i let him do this to me when he can't _force_ me to come back anymore#bc i'm a stupid bitch who doesn't know what's good for him that's why#every goddamn time i think i'll be smarter this time n won't let him take it too far#n still a part of me thinks i should just be grateful he even wants me anymore#spdrvent
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#my dad is so fucking#frustrating i fucking hate him so much#why can't he just stick to one thing? if you've decided to be an asshole then be a goddamn asshole#why these random bursts of affection and caring I HATE IT it hurts me more than you scolding me#because your love is so fucking conditional and fickle and i never know what to do to keep receiving it#and it makes me question everything about myself my thoughts my relationships whether if im actually ever right when im mad at people#it makes me think oh maybe it was me i understoof them wrong i can never fuckinh trust my judgement#like feeling unloved is all MY fault i am the one who can never get enough#i still don't know if that's true#broken three different relationships and I still don't know this about myself everytime i was like i don't feel like you love me and they#were like what no ofcourse i do but if you can't see it then fine fuck off i give up#he said he is concerned about my weight because he's scared i might get some diseases like thyroid (bc mum has it) or pcod or something???#like dude why tf did u not just say that pehle 😭😭😭😭 i spent like 5 days feeling miserable not eating properly because i thought you#hated my appearance all my fragile self esteem it's all broken now i can't eat dinner without thinking about you saying don't you dare have#dinner if you feel hungry just drink water#and the worst part is i can't even skip dinner because it gives me a horrible headache the next morning and then i can't study and work#which btw YOU can absolutely not tolerate i gave up on being happy for your dreams im just trying to make you proud and happiness feels#like a far fetched dream now but i keep going everyday because im so close to the finish line and maybe if i do this you would finally be#happy with me love me#i told him that my first loan file got sanctioned today and he was so fucking happy so proud so soft like eat the dragonfruit i brought for#you okay it's so tasty and take care of yourself celebrate this little win you've worked hard#like just. please. don't confuse me you saying shit like this made me sob so much harder than all your angry words
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okay i'm going to an ffxiv unofficial fan event in july this year and there's this wol (character) sticker exchange thing me and lune really want to participate in but 1. we don't really know how to draw yet 2. we don't really have money to commission. so. sobbing
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#I AM REALLY EXCITED THOUGH .....#there is a high chance we will be the youngest there but oh well ?? hoping for other people our age fr#also i think one of my favorite xiv artists who i sometimes forget is filipino bcs they are Huge af is going ... so goddamn. wow#also i've never interacted w xiv ppl irl yet. saw a few people at conquest last year and one person wearing the shirt out Once#but this june's conquest there was More ... AND MY BEST FRIEND. WHO WENT#literally got us stickers despite her just having played so little so far bcs of me and lune BUT SHE TALKED W THE PERSON WHO SOLD THEM AND#AAA SMTH ABOUT HOW 'GNA BRING US NEXT YEAR' SMTH SMTH so idk makes me really happy :((#so that kinda went off-topic but i am wondering how to go about this#i feel like if i asked a friend or another one to draw something (really small) they wld be fine w it but 1. too shy 2. i don't want to ask#something of my friends. like. bro idk if someone asked me for shit i'd be really happy but nervous but mostly like oh ... so u wna have#smth in my writing ..... thatd make me CRY bcs i rarely share my writing w others. and in all my life not much ppl im close to have Asked#for smth like that. but when it comes to others i have no idea At All#if it comes down to it i'm cool w not joining the exchange but ir does sound like fun so i will Try and See still. hmhmhmhm
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Honey-Sweet
Description: You're far too sweet for him. He's determined not to ruin you, despite the fact that he seems to ruin everything, and everything about you just seems to make his fantasies worse. But one night can change everything, apparently, when Miguel finally sees how completely not sweet you can be.
Tags: Miguel O'Hara x Reader, afab!fem!reader, hoooh boy a lotta smut okay, oral (m and f recieving), unprotected piv (pls oh pls wrap it up irl fuck them kids), riding, doggy, missionary, some fluff bc i'm not completely deranged, light degradation (w/c: 2.1K)
A/N: oh lord the Miguel brainrot is REAL folks okay this is fucking crazy. I WANT THIS MAN TO **** ** **** * ****** ******* okay he has me fuckin frothing at the DAMN MOUTH actin like a DAMN DOG okay so please enjoy a bit of a miguel smutfest
You’re too fucking sweet for him. That’s what he tells himself. Miguel O’Hara doesn’t do sweet.
You’re fucking sweet with the way you bring cookies in for the other Spiders that accompany you on missions. You’re sweet in how you brought in a ridiculous hand-made baby blanket for Mayday when Peter first brought her in, emblazoned with his Spider-Man logo to wrap her up tight in. You’d kissed the baby on the head, whispering tiny sweet nothings into her bright red hair, and Miguel had had to hide the emergence of his fangs at the sight of it.
You’re too sweet, too kind for him. You organize little movie nights at the office, you make him stay a little longer on missions so you can see the tourist spots from different universes. And the way you look at him, all wide-eyed and bright and smiling… it does things to him.
It makes him want to bring you flowers, kiss you on the cheek. It makes him want to plan fucking candle-lit dinners and bake cupcakes with you. All sweet, too sweet.
But, because he apparently can’t stop himself, you also want to make him do decidedly not sweet things. Like grab at your tits through your suit, pinching your nipples until your knees go weak and you whimper his name in your gorgeous little voice. Like force you down on your knees, fucking his cock into your hot mouth while tears leak down your cheeks. Like tying you up with his webs, eating your pretty cunt out while you struggle against them, whining that “it’s too much, too much Miguel.” Like fucking you deep, so fucking deep on his cock, making you squeeze around him while you scream for him, beg for him to fill you up with cum. He thinks about watching it leak out of your achy pussy, dripping down your thighs.
But you’re so goddamn sweet, too gorgeous and lovely, and he can’t ruin you, he can’t.
So when you finally wear him down, finally get him to go to coffee with you, he tries to be just as sweet as you. You hold his fucking hand, you kiss him on the cheek. You smile into his mouth as his lips meet yours in front of your apartment door. Miguel swears that his heart will pop with how much it swells when you’re near him.
He brings you flowers, walks you to your door, brings you lunch while you’re filing post-mission paperwork. And God, it’s beautiful. It’s fantastic and bright and so wonderfully domestic that Miguel wonders if he’s died, gone to some heaven he doesn’t deserve. He’s determined to revel in the domesticity of this… thing he’s created with you, his disgusting fantasies be damned.
He doesn’t like to think about how he has to fuck his hand after he drops you off at your house, his lips still burning with the touch of your soft, soft kiss. He thinks about how your lips would look stretched around his dick.
He’s content. He’s happy. For the first time in so fucking long, he’s happy. And he’ll happily tug on his dick by himself for the rest of damn time if it means that he gets to revel in your soft, pretty, wonderful sweetness for a little bit longer. He will not ruin you.
But.
As he kisses you softly in front of your apartment, the both of you still suited up from your latest mission, you tug him closer. You pull him down into your hungry mouth, and you lick into him like you’re starving for it. He can’t help how he growls at the feeling of it, his big hands coming to clutch at your hips. God, you’re pretty, fucking addicting with the way your tongue tangles with his and how you whimper when his hands cup your ass, tugging you up just that extra inch.
“Take me to bed, Miguel,” you gasp between feverish kisses, and fuck, he’s gone.
He hauls you into his arms, and his knees almost go weak at the way you wrap your thighs tightly around his middle, the way you lick into his mouth all over again.
And Miguel has spent so much time in his head, thinking, no, knowing that you’re sweeter than goddamn pie. It’s in every fucking breath you take, every moment he spends with you.
But that night, as he lays you onto the bed, gently, gently like you deserve, he learns that you’re not as sweet as he thinks you are.
Not at all.
Not with the way you roll him over with your strength, begging for him to disengage his suit, looking at him like you want to devour him as it dissolves around him, leaving him bare to your gaze. You graze a reverent hand up his chest as he heaves under you, whispering, “God, can’t believe I’ve waited this long to have you like this. You’re so pretty, Miguel.”
Pretty. Pretty? He can’t be the pretty one, no, not when you’re unzipping your own suit, and he can see everything. Every inch of supple, soft skin. Your nipples, hard and peaked and begging for his touch. Your pretty, pretty pussy; he can see how you’re practically dripping, the wetness between your legs glistening in the soft lamplight.
And you’re not sweet, not sweet at all, when you nip and suck little marks down his chest and abs, grinning up at him like a damn siren when he gasps at your touch. Fuck, you’re the opposite of everything he thought when you take his cock into your mouth, bobbing deeper, deeper until you just can’t anymore, jacking the rest of his cock while you kiss and lick and suck at him.
You grab his hand with your free one, and pull it into your hair. You pull up from his cock, and Christ, there’s a line of your spit that connects you to his throbbing tip, and Miguel thinks that he might die.
“Fuck my face, baby?” you rasp, and yes, that’s it, Miguel is going to fucking die here. But he can’t refuse you, with those gorgeous eyes gazing up at him, the tip of his cock on your tongue.
It’s not sweet, not at all, when he forces your head down on his cock, pressing himself deep into your pretty little mouth. And you moan like you love it, just taking it as he thrusts roughly into your mouth. Your spit runs down his shaft, your little whimpers and the way you choke when the tip jams into the back of your throat all echoing in his ears.
He can’t hear himself, but God, you can. You relish the way he growls every time he pushes you down deep, telling you that, “You’re such a good girl, hermosa. Mierda, mi nena perfecta.” Your pussy throbs.
He isn’t soft, isn’t gentle like he told himself to be when he pulls you off his cock. You gasp for air, and Miguel groans as he pulls you up by your hair, dragging your spit-slick lips to his mouth. He can taste himself on your lips, all sticky and hot and puffy.
You whine against his mouth, murmuring little pleas of “fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” into him, and his cock twitches, red and aching desperately for your touch.
“Have to make sure you’re ready,” he mumbles, even though he aches, even though his claws threaten to show.
“Nononono,” you whine, and then you sit back, hovering over his cock, fucking monstrous compared to the tiny opening of your dripping pussy, and press down.
Fuck, it’s like heaven inside you, all perfect and wet and hot, and you whine, muttering that, “It’s so fucking big, God, stretches me so perfect, so fucking perfect, so much bigger than I could have dreamed-“
“Nena,” he interrupts you with a hoarse groan of his own, “gotta stop, ‘s gonna, gonna hurt you, oh fuck-“
And you grin at him again, filthy and raunchy and not sweet at all, as you say “I fucking want it to hurt, Miguel. Wanna feel you in the morning, wanna feel you all the time.” And you press yourself the rest of the way down his thick cock, gasping for air, your hips twitching like they can’t decide whether to run away from the sensation or seek it.
“Fuck, wanna feel you all the time,” you murmur and Miguel can’t decide whether you’re actually talking to him or not. “Want you to fuck me so hard I can’t breathe, fill me up so fucking perfect, God, oh my God, ‘m so fucking full,” you roll your hips forward in desperate little circles, a weak attempt at getting him deeper. An endless stream of “fuck me, fuck me, please please please,” starts to leave your lips again, and you sound so desperate, so needy, that Miguel can’t help but roll you over, pinning you underneath him, and fucking his cock so hard and so deep into you that you dig your fingers into his back and sob.
He does what you ask that night. He fucks you and fucks you and fucks you, until tears leak from your eyes and your bed is soaked with a mixture of yours and his cum. And God, you scream for him, begging him for more, deeper, harder.
The slick sounds of your bodies meeting over and over must be heard all over the building, but Miguel can’t bring himself to care, not when he’s able to fuck you like this, disgusting and filthy.
How could a sweet, lovely, soft thing like you love this so much?
From that night on, it seems that all bets are off. From that night on, it seems that you make it a mission to show him exactly how not sweet you are.
Fuck, there’s no sweetness to you when you hump your hips into his face the next morning, practically smothering him in your pussy as you squeal and tangle your fingers in his hair. He digs his fingers so hard into your thighs that he’s sure they’ll bruise, and licks up your juices. Your pussy is honey-sweet on his tongue.
You’re not soft when you ride him into the mattress, throwing yourself down onto his cock and moaning as you stretch yourself out. You drag your nails down his chest as you bounce desperately in his lap, and Miguel kind of hopes you draw blood.
There isn’t an ounce of innocence when you sink down on your knees under his desk when he’s in a goddamn meeting, pulling his cock out and sucking at him until his claws shoot out and leave splintering holes in his desk. He has to hide his fangs from the video camera when you choke.
When he finally, finally cuts the meeting short, feeding the other Spider-Men some bullshit excuse about a new anomaly, he presses your head to the base of his cock and shoots his cum down your throat. He means it as a punishment, but when he pulls you off his cock, and sees you with your eyes all glassy and smiling lazily, he can’t help but bend you over the desk and finger fuck you until you cry and scream and beg for him to fuck you with his cock.
You are so far from sweet when he fucks you on the floor after a mission, tensions run too taut and adrenaline racing through your veins. You throw your ass back onto him with every thrust into your sloppy cunt, moaning as he growls, “Such a fucking slut, can’t get enough of this cock, huh? My sweet, sweet girl, what would the rest of the Spiders say if they knew what a fucking whore you are for me?”
And when you choke on your spit around your screams, he leans down to whisper that, “I know, cariño, I know. I'm gonna take care of you,” before he shoves your face down into the carpet and mounts you, shoving his fat cock down into you again and again and again.
Miguel is positive that he’s died and gone to heaven.
It’s not to say that you’re not the same, sweet girl who brings cookies to the office and holds his hand. No, you’re the same, perfect, sweet girl, only that you let him thank you for the cookies by eating you out on the kitchen floor. You hold his hand while you jerk his cock and swallow his moans with your kiss.
You’re just the right kind of sweet for him.
#yeah so#i wrote this in a TRANCE#want this man to throw me around like a ragdoll#can you tell that im ovulating#miguel o'hara x you#miguel o'hara smut#miguel o'hara x reader#miguel o'hara#spiderman 2099 x reader#spiderman 2099 x you#across the spiderverse fic#miguel ohara x you#miguel ohara x reader
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After ranting and reading out drgs for an hour: 'Miranda forget all I've said about this'
#miranda talking shit#Meanwhile ive just been sitting next to him hmming and nodding like bahsfbdnnaak#'be glad you havent gone wrong/fallen off the path in life like the rest of us' that comment made me sad but aye#I love he always tries to inprint on me that its bad and addictive and not worth doing like buddy... I havent even been drunk#You probably have nothing to worry about on my part. I just like to learn anything tbh#Getting to know people with other experiences and lives is very interesting thats for sure#But being told i should be happy im not into drgs made me sad. I mean. Im a fuck upped mess. Suicidal deppressed anxious to all hell#Without work and living off the governments payouts but at least im not addicted to drgs :')#Thats the few positives ive told myself in my most deppressed states tbh. At least im not addicted to anything lol#I guess its true but it made me sad to hear that said to me by someone else. I know he meant it well but as usual#Being told things i think when im deppressed at myself always makes me feel bad like damn...#Ive just been self harming and starving myself it could have been worse growing up#Those are genuine things i have thought in the past... Goddamn. Idk if people tell me too much things bc i seem trustworthy or what#I love it but also damn. Wish i could not care and not ask and not seem so intrested in everyone. I think i have too much sad info#But then again i like being trusted by people and it makes me feel special
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17+ content, blank blogs dnf
just dick fucking your face bc i feel like he deserves soul sucking head, so this is rushed and poorly written lmao
dick grayson is a messy bastard. you’d think differently of such a lean and well groomed man, but it’s evident when he’s got the golden opportunity to fuck your face. you're shy about it at first, worried about teeth grazing him and whether or not he's into the gagging; but he makes it abundently clear that it's exactly what he's into. you struggling to take him and still being so eager to do so. that's what's got his cock throbbing.
"little deeper, babe- yeahh, just like that," he's groaning above you, not so gently pulling your hair to keep you choking. you're forced to breathe through your nose, though it still feels suffocating when his hips roll and your face meets his happy trail. he should feel bad, honestly, but the way he's hitting the back of your throat has you gagging and convulsing around his dick and fuck- he'd rather just make it up to you later.
"so damn pretty", he's babbling, "look at me, baby, please." your eyes roll up, tears swelling in your lashes and mascara runs down your face while nails dig dark red crescents into his hips and thigh, making him moan at the pinch of pain he deserves. the lack of oxygen has you lightheaded and gives you a dazed look, as if you're drunk on his cock, and althemore giddy from it.
he's cooing about how good you are for him, trying to soften up on you through gentle praise that harshly contrasts the way he buries himself deeper and deeper- goddamn, it's like he's trying to lodge himself in your throat. this is the only time you've seen that haziness in his eyes, dopey grin on his face as his abdomen contracts and length twitches. you find yourself thinking that he looks ethreal from this angle with the sheen of sweat shining in the dim lights, and you'd love to see him like this more- that is, if it didn't mean feeling like you'd pass out from the effort it takes.
"y'so good for me-" he draws out from the depths of his throat, head hanging back for a split second before keeping focus on your fucked out face. "so, so good- 'm almost there, sweetheart, fuck-" and without a second thought, he's got you gargling on his cock and cum, face smothered into his pubes as you sputter before he finally lets up on you. still twitching and covered in spit, your hand wraps around the base to keep him stimulated as more cum dribbles down his shaft.
you pull off of him with deep breaths after sucking at the tip, lolling out your tongue and watching him moan at the sight of you. dick moves to graze his thumb along the corners of your mouth before slapping the tip back on your tongue, making you squirm at the lewd action. despite all it’s taken out of you, he notices the way your thighs rub together way before you do.
your mouth falls further open to show him that you've yet to swallow and that grin is plastered back on his face, as if he's raring to go again, but dick keeps his word. “c’mere, baby,” he taps your jaw to let you close your mouth, pulling you up into his lap for a kiss before laying you on the mattress for a well deserved returning favor. ❧
#kali ;; wet dreamz#kali ;; dg#dick grayson x female!reader#dick grayson x fem!reader#dick grayson x you#dick grayson imagine#dick grayson drabble#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson smut#nightwing x you#nightwing x reader#nightwing smut#black!reader#dc x black!reader#dick grayson x black!reader
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