#bc ive had it for two years and i feel a Need to write short fiction but

[foxmulderautism]

writing inspo when the point of inspo is so intricately specific is weird because its like you want to write something like that but also Not like that because then that would just be writing That story. like los angeles by ling ma is so inspirational to me but "i live with my 100 ex boyfriends" is such a not universal experience so i just have this abstract inspo that's like i want to write something with the same energy as living with 100 ex boyfriends but also not the same energy because the energy of living with 100 ex boyfriends would just be a story about living with 100 ex boyfriends. take a shot every time i said

[kxmikomrade]

Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! I didn't know you didn't write for f!reader.

So, could I request headcanons of Isagi, Bachira, Rin, Reo, and Sae with a Gn! Reader who's a cheerleader?

🍁˖࿐ Cheerleader! S/O - Isagi, Bachira, Rin, Reo, Sae

╰┈➤Hcs of them with a Cheerleader! s/o! (not the stereotype i think? im guessing u meant the sport since i heard its hard) Genre: Fluff and crack? Gn!reader or Any gender Warnings: Swearing obviously, kinda short so theres that, not proof read Waiter's Notes: Hello lovely!! its alright dear :)) just make sure to read the req page/rules next time ^^ Kinda short since im forgetful, the only cheerleading movie ive watched was like over a year ago and too lazy to do research

Masterlists Req Page/Rules

MAD RESPECT

He has ALOT of respect for you in general but this? it just tenfolded bro

Tries to come to all your competitions!! and vise versa, unless your competition times overlap :'D

Comes to your practices too <3

Always makes sure to bring snacks and drinks for you

Keeps track of your diet if you have one, but ALWAYS makes sure that you arent pushing yourself too much

Coming to his games with your team/friends to cheer!

He would be SOOOOOOOOO flustered but cmon, he looks ADORABLE when he is <3333

VERY SUPPORTIVE AND GOOFY!!!

He stops by your practice and tries to do your routine, it ends up in a mess and your coach is scolding you both LMAO

But he only had good intentions!

He wanted to take your mind off things like the competition since he knows it makes you nervous, and nervous you is well- not the best you 😭😭

again, he BRAGS to anyone and EVERYONE. about you and how youre so cool doing all those tricks and things ykyk!!

He probably drags isagi to watch your competitions tbh

When you come to watch his matches and cheer, he has the BIGGEST smile ever!! 🥹🥹

Its basically like shoving 5kg of sugar into his mouth, hes so energetic and motivated now <3

guys theres literally a reason why i didnt add him on the artist hcs and its bcs i genuinely think that he wont give a fuck 🧍

Like, you do cheerleading? okay cool👍

But for the sake of this hc then imma put all my brain juice into this one

Might come to your practices whenever he has spare time/he remembers and gives you either those nice energy drinks or some suspicious green fruit-vegetable shake 💀💀

But thats pretty rare

most of the time, you two meet up and do yoga/cool down together, maybe get icecream after bcs SCREW YOUR DIETS FOR ONCE ‼️‼️

If you come to his matches to cheer, then he would mostly be surprised because from the manga and light novel, no one really watched his matches

So he feels warmth blooming in his chest and subconciously works harder to score a goal

Its hard to find out which one of you two is the cheerleader tbh

deadass cheers MORE than you when it comes to your competitions no SHIT

also, your outift fees? covered. transportation fees? no need, get on his limousine. Props being too expensive? Honey no, 'Expensive' doesnt exist anymore remember?

He basically covers for everything you spend 🧍🧍

Im gonna bet on everything that you have this room in the mikage corp thats specifically for your private practices, like the one reo used to practice soccer

Pays his teammates to go with him to cheer you on your competitions 😭😭😭😭

Come to his matches to cheer and this guy will MELT

his teammates tease him for giving you the googly eyes LMAOOO

Unlike rin, this guy actually cares

kinda

well, more than rin, thats for sure <3

He's a busy guy so he mostly watches you on his phone

speaking of that, he has this album on his gallery thats just pics and vids and clips of you 😭

AND LET ME TELL YOU

IT TAKES UP LIKE 24GB OF HIS STORAGE 💀💀💀💀

Hes dedicated so atleast theres that 🤷😭

When you come to his matches, he might not see you at first bcs theres literally tens of thousands of people but when he does?

He performs a small gesture with his arm/s from a small routine you both came up with <33

(599 words)

im sorry dis is short, i literally dont know wat else to write 😭😭😭

[monsterswithimagines]

Undisclosed Desires - Part 11

Joe Goldberg x female!Reader

Summary: Twenty minutes before he would have met Guinevere Beck, Joe meets you instead. You intruige him, but it will soon become clear that there is something off about you.

Words: 951

Masterlist

Guysssss I'm sorry if this sucks. I spent all day at the office wishing I could write and then I got home and people just would NOT leave me alone and I had to keep taking breaks 😭😭. Also I kind of didn't know how I wanted this chapter to go at all but now that I'm past it I'll probably have less trouble.

I'm not mad, (Y/n).

It's been three days and you're still avoiding me, but I'm so not mad that I give Ethan a raise and that I buy Paco dinner twice and that I smile at everyone who walks into Mooney’s. That's how you know I love you: I understand that you need time and space to figure out how you feel. And I can wait. And I don't take it out on others. Love is patient, after all.

And this is love. I know it is. You said I am great, and cute, and ugh, and that means something. But you said it yourself: you are ruining this by avoiding me. And when I text you, you're short with me. Why are you doing this to us? Are you the kind of girl who sabotages good things?

Then you finally text me properly. It's a long string of texts, and I want to ignore you because I'm not mad, but I'm a little disappointed in you, honestly, and I think that's fair. But the more I read, the more I smile, and I know I will not ignore you.

YOU: ok im so sorry i know iv been super distant and rude and that is totally on me and id love to tell u iv just been busy or whatever but the truth is actually that i've kind of been avoiding you?? i know i know im a mega bitch. plz forgive me 🙏🏻

YOU: but heres the thing iv never??? done this before??? like gone on dates and gotten drunk and spilled my guts to a guy and liked a guy

YOU: like this is so embarrassing bc i might just be making a super big deal out of nothing

YOU: iv had like six coffees today im sorry im not making sense

YOU: iv never had a boyfriend before and i dont have any other friends here and also im kind of like. super insecure??? so

YOU: you can interrupt me any minute now

YOU: pls

ME: Just give me a moment.

Ethan isn't here to watch the register but honestly, (Y/n)? I don't care. There's only two people in the store and they've both been browsing forever. They're just going to end up buying books they will never read, so I go into the office and close the door behind me. And then I call you.

You answer right away.

“Hey, you,” you say, embarrassed.

“You should have too much coffee more often,” I tell you.

“Uh, no, never again. I have a horrible headache.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” you assure me. I hear something slam in the background. “Oops.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just rearranging my furniture.”

“Okay. Why?”

“I'm having a… day,” you say. “Sometimes I just have these moments where I have to change something about my life right this second, you know?”

“So you rearrange your furniture and you text guys illiterate love confessions.”

“Illiterate!” you exclaim. “I will have you know I am a copywriter, and I'm very good at my job.”

“Uh huh.”

“My failure to capitalize my texts is entirely on purpose.”

“Right.”

“And so is the lack of commas.”

I keep quiet, and you realize that I called what you sent me a love confession. You don't correct me because you do love me. You do.

“So,” you say. “Thoughts?”

“I like you. I think that's pretty clear. I went to a music festival with you, and the music was terrible.”

You laugh.

“But I don't want to push you into anything. Have you really never had a boyfriend?”

“Well, there was this boy at summer camp when I was twelve. We held hands on the swings and he shared his Nintendo with me. But I don't think that counts.” I've never wanted to kill a twelve-year-old boy before. “Then there was a girl when I was fifteen. I liked her but it turned out she was just, like, experimenting. So was I, really. We lasted two weeks.”

A girl, huh? This isn't something I expected. But I don't react, because I know you want me to react, and you also don't always like to get what you want right away.

“But no,” you conclude. “I've never actually dated anyone before. That doesn't mean you're pushing me.”

You are so brave, (Y/n). You've never been in love with anyone before but here you are, taking charge.

On your end of the phonecall, something else slams. Then something shatters. You curse and someone knocks on the office window, and I hold up my finger at him to indicate one minute.

“Hey,” I say. “Do you want me to come over and help? After work, I mean.”

“No. I mean, yes to coming over, but no to helping. I'll just get annoyed because you're not doing it exactly how I want it to be done.”

“I'll just bring food, then.”

Another kock at the window. I'm going to kill this guy.

“Great! I'm craving pizza,” you say.

“Pizza it is. Toppings?”

“Pepperoni. And jalapenos.”

“You got it.”

“See you tonight, Joe,” you say, but what you really mean is I love you.

We hang up and I go help the man. I am so nice to him, because you have invited me to your apartment. You want me there. You want me to sit on your bed and feed you and watch you move your books around because you love me, and you told me you've never had a boyfriend before which means you think I am your boyfriend now.

Closing time can't come soon enough.

[frogserotonin]

something stupid - george karim x gn!reader

a/n: ive got a long ass idea so this is gonna become a series

warnings: mentions of violence, probably super ooc, unedited(started writing it an hour ago and i am now posting it), curse words

(based on the show bc ive only read the first book and it was like 5 years ago)

George disliked a fair few things in this world, two of them being: people who got in his way and not having essentials stocked up.

Currently, he was facing both of these issues.

“Are you walking slow on purpose because it fucking seems like it!”

A group of a dozen or so teens(all around the ages of 13 or 14, which really wasn’t all that younger than him but god, it didn’t feel like it) had taken it upon themselves to fill the entire pathway as they walked, making it impossible for George to manoeuvre around them in any way, shape or form. He’d just wanted to go to the shops to pick up some flour, eggs and milk. A quick fifteen minute trip, now slowly-so fucking slowly, these kids were lucky he’d not brought his rapier with him-turning into a thirty minute trip.

It had taken him ten whole minutes more than usual to get to the shops. Fifteen minutes gone and he still hadn’t bought what he needed yet.

As he was walking towards the dairy isle he heard a small, albeit a little bit shrill, yell of panic before he was promptly slammed to the floor by a blurry mass of weight.

“Fuck me, I am so sorry. God this is so embarrassing, I might as well just fucking dissolve into the floor at this point. Far out, are you okay?” The person who’d run into him had almost immediately stood back up, offering a hand to pull George back up. A bit winded, George accepted the hand.

When his feet found themselves back on stable, solid ground he met the eyes of his assailant.

Oh, shit. Shit. They were, to put it eloquently, fucking gorgeous. His brain emptied of all thoughts but the blaring siren of ATTRACTIVE PERSON ALERT repeating in his head. He urged himself to say something, anything at all.

“Hi.” Wow, truly poetic and captivating. “Don’t worry about it, it’s all fine.” He smiled a hopefully not too wide smile and quirked his shoulders up in a half shrug.

“If you say so. I ran into you kinda hard stranger.”

“Oh, my name’s George.” he supplied, happily and helpfully. His heart melted at the grin he received.

“Y/N. Is there anything I can do to make up for that?”

“Really, it’s fine, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“Okay then! If that’s the case I really must be going now.” their smile dropped a bit, George could only hope it was because they’d enjoyed this short and sweet interaction. “I really hope to see you again!”

And just like that they were gone, leaving him standing stunned. He really hoped so too.

[daedalusdavinci]

My Riddlebat Recs

ive read most of the stuff in the riddlebat tag. most of it. i dont really read any batman 22 stuff, but ive read just about everything else. that said, heres a list of some of my favorites ive read!

first of all, jovialJuggernaut and fromjannah write my absolute favorite riddlebat fics of all time, so theyre gonna be on this list a LOT. i dont think i put all of their fics on here, tho, so im just telling you right now that you should 100% check out everything both of those authors have. i will link some of my favorites below tho along w some of my other recs

baby lose the costume

by @fromjannah

"Hey," Eddie says, impossibly soft. The lights are so bright. "C'mon, Crusader. You're here. Listen to my voice." Bruce can only oblige. Easy as breathing.

Bruce, Eddie, and a late night visit to Arkham that goes a little sideways.

read all of fromjannahs unburied fics. do it. immediately. rn. they are all devastatingly good and frankly some of the best riddlebat fics out there. this one in particular is so melancholy and aching and it wrecks me every time yes i reread it all the time i reread ALL of their unburied fics

once more to see you

by @fromjannah

The Riddler has been missing for over a year -- that is, until tonight. Bruce Wayne has very normal feelings about this.

shortened version of the summary bc im just reccing everything from fromjannah and you need to just start accepting that theyre all good. the way they write eddie is so perfect

ghar aaja pardesi

by saheeli (@sa-heelies on tumblr i think?)

Bruce gets the news on a Tuesday. The letters start coming on Wednesday. Or; Eddie escapes from Arkham again. He leaves a trail of clues behind him so that Bruce and Barbara can follow.

ohh this one is so good. i think its the longest of the unburied ones and i think it was the first one i read?? the set up and eventual payoff is so good and sweet and barbara and eddies relationship OFC is iconic. this was the fic that made me realize i desperately needed to listen to unburied

a dreaded sunny day

by @lesbiantriphosphate

“Who do you think I am, Bruce Wayne?” He smirks. “Or should I be asking: do you know who you are?” Bruce takes his time to decide whether to continue the banter or answer truthfully. He can’t tell whether Eddie wants to continue their comfortable Riddler-versus-Batman game of talking around in circles, or if he’s just searching for an entrance into a more geniune conversation. “I think…” he starts and stops again. “Far too much, in my humble opinion,” Eddie quips as he makes his way over and sets two steaming mugs on the table.

more unburied bc the unburied dynamic is the best dynamic. this one is really fucking sweet ;;;;;;; i love it so much its very short but its such a good read

Unasked

by penguistificial

Edward had thought the only flaw in his perfectly planned crime was that nobody would ever be able to appreciate it - apart from himself. And yet, Batman had deftly deciphered all his clues, seen the solution Edward hadn't thought anyone would ever find. Doesn’t a correct answer deserve a reward? But, what to offer? What would be both acceptable and accepted?

this ones good! its a different take on their dynamic than the fics i usually read but its a very good take

Kings, Knights, Pawns

by jovialJuggernaut (@jovialjuggernaut-draws on tumblr)

riddle man gets to smooch the batman but its a slowburn so thatll be checks watch in a while updated summary when i can think of a good one update: it took 12 chapters but we made it, they smooched

the summary doesnt do it justice, honestly. as far as comics riddlebat goes this is THE riddlebat fic of all time as far as im concerned. this is the blueprint. this is It(TM). liam has such a way of writing eddie hes so irritating and whiny and fidgety as hell you just HAVE to love him. this fic is peak adhd4autism and the way they write bruces autism in this honestly totally influences the way i write bruce all the time. gamechanger of a fic, youve GOT to read it

Hurricane

by jovialJuggernaut

A hurricane hits Gotham and something (someone) washes up in the Batcave.

eddie w eds!!!! yes!!!!! one of my favorites of liams fics. that said, you should read ALL of liams riddlebat fics. they all go hard as fuck and honestly if i looked any further into my bookmarks itd all just be liam all the way down

[bonesandthebees]

ive been both really busy and also not? hahah but ive been good!! i've been mostly working. today was crazy actually, someone walked into the vet with a bearded lizard?? that they found ?? at the local park?? someone had just abandoned their lizard there ig which was really sad but im glad someone found it and was able to help it!! also the person who found it was a vet tech themselves who used to have bearded lizards so that's good hahahah they were v prepared

our doctor unfortunately doesn't take any exotics so we had to send them to a diff vet but it was cool to see the lizard, he was very sweet and friendly EUEUUEUE

but yeah other than work? mostly just been writing which has been super nice. this is the first year im properly tackling whumptober!! normally i just. pick and choose my fav prompts LMAOO but this year im actually writing for each prompt every day and i've done all 7 days so far!! im super proud of myself rahshshs

i went to my first social dance a couple weekends ago!! that was super funn

i cannot remember if i told you, but i started doing west coast swing lessons!!! since i took a gap year of school while waiting to apply for the vet tech program, i was like "welp i need some sort of hobby that gets me out of the house" so i didnt stew in bad mental health n stuff and i decided to try dance! i'd seen vids of it on my youtube shorts a lot and it always looked so... freeing. and i thought doing something that involved physical activity would be a good idea too since exercise is good for mental health!!

and woww i love it way more than i was expecting HAHHAHASDKFJJK it's so so fun and it really does feel like flying (when you do it with an experienced lead lol, so not always but the times where it's happened i cherish v much <3) and the people?? are all so nice???? like wow i was a bit nervous when i first started but everyone is so welcoming and understanding and super fun to talk to and it's a very accepting environment of queer ppl and i just RAHSHS ITS SOOO LOVELY BEE OH MY GOSHH

but yeah!! so ive been doing that sinceee march but i had yet to go to an actual dance, i'd only done lessons bc i was really nervous lol but also bc its on the weekends and thats when i go visit my mom so its hard to find time. but i finally decided to go no matter what last time (which yeah. almost canceled bc i ended up having two other meetups that day?? it was busy) and im really glad i went it was super fun.

just hoping i can convince one of my friends to go with me one day lol

oh no I'm so sad that someone abandoned their beardie :((( thank god someone found it though and wanted to make sure it was okay. so many people would just leave it so that little guy got lucky with that at least. I love bearded dragons, one of my teachers in high school had one she named Mushu and she would let him just run around the room during class sometimes. he was adorable.

ooooo I hope you're having fun with whumptober!!! you're stronger than me I've never attempted to do all the prompts for something like that. I struggle so much already with keeping things short and I also don't do great with prompts but I admire everyone who can dedicate themselves to that. it's such good writing practice as well

oh that class sounds lovely. tbh it really shows you have a LOT of self awareness to recognize that not only do you need something to get you out of the house, but taking the steps to sign up for a class with physical activity for your mental health. that's really great and you're going to thank yourself later for putting yourself out there like that. and that sounds so much fun!!! manifesting you get one of your friends to join you one day

(also this reminds me I really need to get back in the habit of going to my yoga and other exercise classes. I fell out of it after I got back from my europe trip this summer so I need to get my ass in gear again)

[forffax]

returning the favor with oc asks since i always wanna hear about yours !! if you had to pick like your top 5 favorite characters who would they be and why 👀 bonus if you want to pick your favorite like settings/worlds/universes youve made for ocs too!

OOOUH thank u chase!!!

I'm gonna list out my favs then talk abt my main oc universe a bit ^_^

This got ridiculously long so it's going under a readmore <3

1. Tos Family (sorry this is going to be. the whole family bc I cannot possibly choose between them)

i. Lux Tos (he/him)

(realizing now i haven't drawn him in a hot fuckin minute)

MY DAD. guy of all time ever. everyone's favorite half-human time traveling alien war vet. it always feels weird referring 2 him as part alien even if it's technically true sdjfgs. fun lore fact: he was the Dead Older Brother in original iteration Zephyr's Sad Backstory but I liked him too much so I decided he got to live <3

Lux is one of my older ocs that I still actively draw and think abt (late middle school...) and he's changed a LOT over the years but he's so so so dear to me. my guy who has Seen the Horrors and is now happily gay married with a kid :') sdfkjsk most things abt his story is just me being So Incredibly Self Indulgent (cool powers, complicated sibling relationships, gay) but it makes me happy and I love sharing it with ppl! Someday Voided 2 will be real and ready to share with the world...

ii. Ferdinand Tos (he/him)

Dad....2!!!!!! I don't remember when exactly I thought him up but it was probably around when Lux's backstory was getting a major overhaul... He's a man out of time he's training to be a doctor and his will to live is so strong he spent the better part of nearly two decades building himself a new body! Guys who died but got better <3. I think I literally got brain blasted one day and decided he's a non-op trans man and it was the best thing ever for him actually. He's a southern californian stuck in the cold northwest (probably. either that or the northeast im not settled on that aspect yet skdjfs). He's been super fun to write from a worldbuilding perspective too bc his main goal is to pioneer a new branch of medicine using his powers! His relationship with Lux and the rest of the family (and his reconciliation with his sister) is sooooo important 2 me :]

iii. Athanasius Tos (she/her)

THANAAAAA most normal sibling (lie). She was adopted formally right after Lux "died" and had a bit of a complex about just being a "replacement" for a good while, and she THOUGHT she had worked through that when Lux suddenly re-appeared... they're on great terms now but it was Tense. She's a biochemist and probably makes the most out of the household (she shares an apartment with Zeph!) It's very important 2 me that she can let herself be vulnerable with her family and close friends after years of bottling everything up... Epic nerdy autistic butches in your area <3 Fun fact she is the only full human of the main cast!

iv. Zephyr Tos (she/him)

My fuckign auncle. Within the story she only recently realized he was bigender and is much happier for it, even if you couldn't tell by her permanent scowl skjdfgs. Zeph was the original protag (along with Thana) of the short story I wrote in middle school that turned into Voided 2! In-universe he was very clearly supposed to be the protag but missed/ignored the "call to action" phase and just got a shitton of Issues and Traumas instead <3 She's so everything 2 me he's a freelance writer/artist she's kinda cringe and he is trying only as hard as she absolutely needs to in order to get by. While his relationship with Lux is MUCH better than it was when Lux first came back, she's completely inseparable from Thana and would do anything for her (I feel like they spent equal times protecting each other from bullies as kids...) He's changed so much from her original incarnation but developing him has been SO much fun <3 Since Voided 2 runs on real-world time (in that I have specific real-world dates for most major events) she turned 50 fairly recently and that's fucked but also funny. old.

v. Alan Tos (any)

Alan! Love this kiddo. He's Lux and Ferdinand's adoptive kid! Xe doesn't learn about it for a while but she was a government secret experiment test-tube baby (they were trying to artificially fuse souls together, distantly related to the later Child Soldier School ze was placed into) (kid cannot catch a break). He's a good kid, if not a little clueless and naive... someone who would hold no ill-will if you had to cut their leg off (this is not a hypothetical GJSKDS). Somehow, despite all this, she is by far the most Normal out of xer family <3 His fashion sense is some kind of spectrum between 60s businesswoman and scene and tbh? Very fun to draw! Her friends and family are very very dear to them and at the moment xe's just kind of letting life take zem wherever.

2. Vague (it/they)

unauthorized fucking thing kill it with hammers NOW!!!!!

Vague started as I think just a proxy for myself in vent art I drew in like early high school sdhjfgds they have since become. something. my mascot I guess? (I still end up using it for vent art sometimes bc it's functionally unkillable and it's fun 2 get narsty sometimes.)

originally it was just the weird cat-shaped angel thing but a couple years ago I gave them a human design that I really love too <3 vague technically has a place in Niko and my other cat furry ocs' story but their human form exists in the real world and is just Like That i think. vague is just a little guy okay? they're sorry about crying and bleeding all over the place (not bc it sees any issue with this they just noticed you looked upsetskjdfhs)

3. Niko (he/they)

Baby's first fursona! Niko was always mostly his own character but now that I have new This is Just Me sona(s), they've been officially retired from that front <3 Niko's story is mostly planned out, I just desperately need to write it somewhere skjdbfs but the gist is that Niko works a shitty minimum wage call center job and finds meaning and love through forming a band with people he happens to meet... also there's some whistleblowing and betrayal and vague slams down out of the sky at some point <3 Niko's band doesn't have a name but they're the lead vocalist! (Niko 🤝 Blue (is blue and sings in their band)) This is a universe where everyone is cat furries simply bc I wanted to design lots of cat furries but also I haven't drawn like half of his bandmates/friends.... orz

Fun fact I found my original doodles of him in an old math notebook and apparently I seriously considered the name "chandler" for them. Help,

4. Larkspur (they/them)

Laaark my friend lark :] they're my player character for a friend's tabletop campaign! *hands you a bug* *hands you a bug* *hands-

Their design was super fun to come up with and they're fun to play as :] They were raised on a farm and have a deep love for animals (insects in particular), but they have a hard time connecting with others and understanding why people act the way they do.. They wear an eyepatch to cover their multiple other eyes bc it gives them bad sensory overload to see with them! They also spent quite a bit of time as a bounty hunter before they were blacklisted from further work bc they let a target escape on purpose... Lark is a ranger/bard and they play the hurdy-gurdy! They're dear to me and I really need to draw them more sjdfhgs

5. Chungy Fresh (she/he/they)

Chungy my belungy.... she's a mimic who spent most of his life being a chest in the temple of a forgotten goddess until they gained sentience and saw a fursuit from far away and decided yep! I'm gonna look like that Now <3 She didn't get all the details right but he's never been happier! I think Chungy spawned from me drawing a weird fox thing and simultaneously thinking "hey wouldn't it be funny if a character had a verbal text/forum signature and it was also their name" skdjfgjskdfls. Chungy is def up there with "most fun ocs of mine to draw" bc she's so Noodly and Malleable... I started playing as him in a friend group's tabletop oneshot thingy (where multiple ppl write different unrelated oneshots but we use the same characters for each session) and it has been a lot of fun!

OKAY OC UNIVERSE TIME. I call my main oc story "Voided 2" bc it takes place in the same universe as my v personal self insert oc story "Voided" that I have been working on/writing/thinking abt since late middle school... It's kinda vaguely modern fantasy/sci-fi? Main things are that there are beings born at the beginning of the universe made of pure energy called Lunoirs. There are countless universes, and each universe has Lunoirs in some capacity. They mainly exist to "keep the balance," but if you ask any specific Lunoir what that means you'll get a million different answers. Mainly they gravitate towards any life within their universe and integrate with them, observing them and protecting them from Shadows and Vacares. Shadows are the unliving souls that will eventually be reborn and reformed into a living soul inside any given universe-- they exist in the space between universes, called the Void. the Void looks different to any being that crosses into it, and it's hard to say what its "true" nature is. Vacares are Lunoirs that have had their souls corrupted and eaten, usually by other Vacares. While Shadows, being amalgamations of soul energy, are strictly neutral, Vacares seek to cause chaos and eat more Lunoir souls, increasing their numbers in a vain attempt to satisfy their endless hunger.

The Lunoir population on Earth is fairly numerous, and since Lunoirs can take on whatever form they choose, many of them live and love and have children with humans, making partial-lunoir children (physically they are nearly indistinguishable from full humans, save for longer lifespans, odd hair and eye colors, and sharper teeth. also they have semi-physical wings, but these have to be manually brought out and often ppl don't even know they have them (*cough* zephyr *cough*)

Lunoirs aren't fully immortal, but they have a different life cycle to most other forms of life. When a non-lunoir dies, their soul disintegrates and is amalgamated with the souls of others in the Void to become Shadows. When a Lunoir dies (outside of having their soul completely corrupted/destroyed), they instead go into a sort of stasis and are reborn later; they have no memories of their previous life (the ones on Earth don't, at least) and they can take on wildly different appearances.

Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs have powers in the form of energy manipulation, particularly when it comes to the energy of their own souls... They can use their souls to form weapons, mainly to fight against Vacares that tend to be immune to physical weapons. Most people have one weapon that they specialize in, but in a pinch nearly everyone can form a knife. Humans can manipulate their own soul energy in this way too, but this ability must be taught/"unlocked" by a Lunoir or a partial Lunoir first (Zephyr, at some point, did this for Thana without either of them realizing it). Lunoirs can also manipulate the energy of the very universe to create Rifts in time and space, sometimes leading between separate universes... These rifts also open of their own accord from time to time, and there's a good number of people who have been displaced from their time or even their universe by unwittingly falling into one.

Every living being has a "soul" (a collection of their life energy), and through a kind of "reaching out," one can feel/taste/smell/hear/see another's soul... every soul is a bit different, so this is an easy way to identify people even from a distance!

The Earth Lunoirs once had a country where they congregated called Saluria, which was the site of a brutal multi-year war against an army of Vacares that wanted reign over Earth... Many Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs across all of Earth's history felt drawn to Saluria, often willingly or unwillingly being rifted to the time of the war to go fight in it... Some partial Lunoirs especially believed it was their sacred duty, while others believed it was a curse leading them to inevitable death... there's even whispers that Saluria itself is alive, luring in young partial and full Lunoirs out of self-preservation.. who's to say. Ultimately, the Salurian War was a victory, but not an easy one.

Lux and Zephyr are half Lunoirs (their mom being full), and Ferdinand is 3/4ths Lunoir! Alan is a bit of a weird case but functionally he's also half Lunoir :]

This is v much simplifying Years of worldbuilding ssjhdfgjks and I can FEEL I missed a bunch of stuff but it's all very very dear 2 me :]

[according2thelore]

just found your tumblr account and thought id give you the comments i never left on your fics. my top three are: I. “swallow my breath and take whats mine” nothing to say about this one except i live for feral sam, the fear for dean’s death and acceptance of letting himself be cannibalized just because he doesn’t want to lose him and at the end the contempt for john, for how far he’s willing to go just to train dean (his inability to understand that it is NOT normal has a whole other special flavor). it was short, lovely and heartbreaking with a je ne sais quoi in sam’s feelings towards dean. 10/10. II. “and its you that i want” this was more lighthearted, not accounting for the breakup between dean and girl X, the best part was sam needing to be used, his desire to be just a vessel for deans pleasure. also i love EVERYTHING that depicts sam’s discomfort with his size with his need to be smaller. overall the smut is so sexy and intimate and also i love the fact that theyre obsessed with each other even in another universe. i love every smith/wesson fic because i love to imagine their reactions when confronted with what they would do with each other when not being stuck with whatever inhibition theyre battling with. 12/10 just because it has smut. “souls tied intertwined by our pride and guilt” NO. WORDS. it is my most read fic on ao3 in the whole seven years ive used the platform and it was published less than a year ago. i love everything. every word, every emotion. the fic starts with the voyeur moment, dean’s guilt at the idea that it was sam’s worst terror and sam’s fear that he may have revealed too much and everything its now out in the open. “the dark side of the moon” is already a seriously angsty episode by itself, but your spin on it with their guilt, their shame and the continuous misunderstandings is lovely.

dean’s overthinking about when did he become so overwhelming to sam that he was TERRIFIED of his big brother, when did he become something that sam needed to escape from leaving for college? sams line that said he “always lived with it” had dean spiraling with guilt and shame and fear so much that he left and “threw” away the amulet. sam on the other hand is full of shame for his biggest desire is out there, the crippling need to have his brother, so debilitating that he had to escape, not from deans leering as he may think, but from his fucked up needs, his perversion of their relationship, of him feeling like he twisted up something genuine and good so much that his brother is now disgusted with him (i love when one of the two seems “disgusted” leaving the other feeling dirty and a pervert) overall i never found a fic that fit all of my reading needs as well as this one. you took a basic misunderstanding trope and spun it in a whirlwind of suffering, dejections, inhibitions and the best part GUILT AND SHAME.

i have no more words 100/10 i live for it. keep up with your writing because i live for it and eat up every single work you produce.

sorry if some bits are grammatically incorrect english is not my first language.

much love<3

HI ANON!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!

thank you so much for this ask!!!!!! i actually think i have answered this one already, and thank you for being so kind!!!!!!! i want to make sure you can see this so i copy-pasted my answer below, bc i had such a lovely time reading this and responding to it!

anon...oh my god anon...anon...

okay so i'm thinking an autumn wedding? how soon do you think we could book a venue?? i mean, we could always elope.

but seriously, anon--holy shit. this ask made my MONTH. i don't know what i did to deserve such lovely and incredible people on this blog but i am so GRATEFUL!!!

just little responses to the comments:

EEP! thank you! desperately devoted winchesters are delicious! we see series!sam being incredibly unhinged about dean/his safety, so i was interested to explore how a pre-series!sam would navigate a situation like that. 

heehee i'm glad this one was good! charlotte beta'd the first half of this fic in public, and it was quite funny to watch her (a lesbian who is also new to A/B/O) give it a read. servicetop sam is something that i love that i also don't see a lot of, so i loved being able to add some in this universe where their power dynamics are slightly shifted (in the corporate ladder sense and also alpha/omega lol). a +2 for the smut!! hell yeah!!! thank you ! :)

okay, small guilty pleasure moment, i LOVE misunderstanding tropes. admittedly in big, long pieces of fiction (fan or otherwise) in the 40k+ category, i can get tired of it, but misunderstandings are such a great way to understand and explore the interpersonal and INTRApersonal strengths/weaknesses/flaws of characters and their understanding of the world they are in. i was afraid everyone was going to hate this fic on sight bc it's written for me (and charlotte) specifically (and i've found from some very vocal and angry people that they hate misunderstandings (not on this blog, thank goodness, everyone has been lovely!)), but i am SO INCREDIBLY HONOURED AND GRATEFUL AND GLAD that you like it!!!!! i don't even have words for how much all of the comments, but this one especially, meant!!! all of your comments breaking it down made me smile wider and wider!

i hope my work continues to be entertaining, and THANK YOU again for this lovely ask!! (ps, your grammar is stellar!! much love!!!)

-lizzy <3

(pps mwah mwah mwah mwah)

[minheeskitten]

"2k is long" is also nonsense i'm so sorry 😭 2k is barely anything if you're trying to introduce an AU and actually flesh in a setting and especially if you're trying to show different personality traits 😭 your fic are mostly AUs with really well thought out lore, and it needs the word count to breathe and establish everything. if someone's attention span is too short to read more than - what - 2 pages? that's their problem, not yours! fwiw, my fic lengths range with the shortest starting at around 5k and the longest getting close to 30k and i have never had anyone leave a complaint about the length! people are more than willing to sit through 10k+ just to get to the smutty stuff, and they usually end up enjoying the rest of the fic as well. do not worry about it! you're doing just fine 🩷

I don't often look at the length of a fic unless im updating someone on how long its getting. My shortest wip is 100 words. And. Ive posted it to here bcs i feel it'll never be finished.

If it does get finished eventually then i will post it as a fic but. Until then it sits in my drafts.

My fics almost always include worldbuilding to at least 3k now. Though not all of them were like that.

Do you want in on a secret? I don't think out the world for my aus. It fleshes itself out. I think on what may happen n go from there. The story writes itself. I am just a vessel for the words and visions.

I am absolutely terrible at worldbuilding if im doing it consciously.

Its why i have visible headcanons for idols. But i just can't put them into words haha.

The most i think through is 'what sort of details would enhance this and make it better to read'

And then thats where i go from!

Siren!ivan was originally supposed to be more non-con than it is rn. The consent is not proper consent tho but thats bcs. Well. Siren wants what he wants and he will convince dann to give it to him.

Though. Thats a little bit of a spoiler. It is going to be tagged accordingly. Don't worry ill tag fics right.

The fic i thought through the most, probably is one ive not even started wtiting. The dissection fic. I gotta do all sorts of research so i can make sure its accurate and well done.

Which unfortunately means i gotta look at anatomy from a more medical standpoint. Need to go find a book for that..

The first fic i put out actually has a very strong plot hole. That i told myself id patch before posting it but. I didn't.

That plot hole was the reasoning as to why ivan was doing that to hwon. It has a very weak reason and i could absolutely fix it now. But. Not this year.

I write ab 5k minimum most of the time haha. I prefer letting the story fill itself out n then helping fine tune details. Its why i really can't tell you how long a fic may be.

So far my longest fic is 16k words. Published. Theres more unpublished. That's for the abandoned but not orphaned one.

I may return to it eventually. That's why i didn't wanna orphan it.

All of my fics stop at a point they organically would have stopped at. When i feel it can't really take another scene. I end it. That usually leaves spaces for part twos to them as well!

But i like exploring aus as i write them.

Fun fact! I write aus bcs im worried that if i do anything else i may accidentally copy someone else's idea.

I do get inspired by the other kd writers. Oh gods do i get inspired.

Lee, lunar, eve, even erin, who encourages the hwonicide. They all inspire me in their own ways. Does that usually come in the form of a prompt to note down asap? Yeah.

But other ways are helping with details for fics. And they are all very welcome to chat ab fics w me. I don't steal ideas. Not without permission and changing it to be my own.

I have a prompt that is inspired by eve's fic Clear My Mind (eve is karmacumover btw!)

But it is different. I may show her the prompt itself if she wants to see it haha.

But i love working on fics. Even if I can't be proud of them as a 'look i made this!' i can still look at the work and go 'yeah. Thats good.'

Thank you lee for helping me figure out how to do that. It was amazing to be able to step back and go 'thats a good story' if i removed myself from it.

The lee im referring to here is intenselysalmon. So she knows who im referring to.

One day. One day my goal is to be proud of how much I've written. Of what I've written.

Its a goal i think is far away. But the more i talk to other writers. The more i realize.

Im not as bad at writing as i think i am.

Honestly id never even considered myself a good writer, until i asked writers like lee and erin their feedback on my works. And they both said i write well. Maybe a little dialogue heavy but. Thats fine i can work on it.

Im doing my best. And im trying to ensure i continue getting better.

The more i talk to other writers and see how they talk ab my writing. The more i go. 'maybe im too harsh on myself' but. As they say, you are your own worst critic.

Honestly i never even considered my work good enough to do much with. But. Lunar still offered to possibly do a collab or fic trade. And i keep thinking on it. Maybe.

It makes me think they find me a better writer than i find myself to be.

Then i see eve, reacting to some of the xlips of airen!ivan ive put out. And she's reacting as i would for any of lee's clips. I find lee an amazing writer. It seems eve thinks of me that way too.

Im trying to wrap my head around it. But the reason i am so harsh on myself is. Anxiety and self doubt. And i need to work through them.

Thats the first time ive admitted that.

I will work through my weaknesses, and be better than before. Slowly. It takes time. I have to be patient.

One day. One day i will be able to proudly say 'im a good writer'

Its not today. But. It will be an eventuality.

Moots mentioned in this post:

Lee (@intenselysalmon )

Erin (@kurenaiwataru )

Eve (@karmacumover )

Lunar (@kingdoms-babygirl )

[ghost-proofbaby]

ghost!!! i am sobbing weeping crying omg twenty four hours is coming to an end and it is so very bittersweet. i found 24hrs on ao3 and stayed up until three am binging it, then immediately went and followed you on tumblr, and ive been keeping track of it ever since. im not very good a tumblr since i only started using the app for fanfic last october, and i am one of those people that sometimes is ashamed of being a fangirl, so it’s almost unbelievable to me that i have a space where no one will know it’s me and i can enjoy whatever i want. im still trying to adjust to that, tell myself that it’s okay to repost fanfics and that this is a safe space. but twenty four hours has helped me with a LOT of that. before i used to kinda be ashamed to go on tumblr, but now i scroll it daily bcs i didn’t want to miss any updates on the fic. i also made the plunge and officially got an ao3 account, after oh about, seven or eight years of reading fan fiction practically non stop. so im getting there, and i just wanted you to know that twenty four hours helped me to get there.

and i think the main reason that twenty four hours has helped me get there is because of the quality of your writing. you write beautifully, intricately, and most of all—truthfully. ive never read an x reader that has felt so real, so fleshed out and most of all, relatable. i would find myself having internal monologue as i read from the ‘reader’s’ perspective and then the next paragraph would, sometimes word for word, have ‘reader’ think what i was thinking. this fic was also so healing, in a way. the way you used literary devices to describe such complicated situations had me often feeling relieved—like i had just let something go. as someone with a lot of baggage right now and who has a hard time believing they could ever be loved, it was at the very least comforting to have my insecurities and my negative qualities forgiven and proven untrue through ‘reader’ if that makes sense.

ik this is sappy as hell but i genuinely feel this way. your writing has moved me in a way that actual published books haven’t done for me in a while. so i just want to thank you for the time, effort, and thought that went into this fic. and secondly, i want to suggest the idea of adapting this into a novel to be published or a screenplay for a movie, in case no one has mentioned that to you or you haven’t thought of it. i really believe you have something good here, and with your talent, i could see you being very successful. this story of these two people—who both have internal wounds inflicted on themselves, each other, or from the past—who then grow more self aware and choose to be honest, even when it’s hard, is such a rare thing to see in literature or any kind of art. and i think the world needs more of that. bcs, like i said, this fic was more than just a fic to me. it touched me deeply. i cried, i laughed, and i reflected my own self. in short, it was a journey in more ways than one.

so thank you—for your art, for ‘reader’, and for eddie. i can’t wait for the epilogue and to read whatever stories you may have planned for the future.

<3

(ps so sorry to have word vomited in your ask box.)

first and foremost — never apologize for word vomit in my ask box. i am always a-okay with that. 🖤

i don’t even know what to say. i have this terrible habit of putting a lot more of myself than i care to admit into both my readers and my ocs, and most of the time, it’s not the good parts. usually, it’s the absolute worst parts of myself. i take all the rot inside, and i throw it into these projections, and i try to justify how someone with those qualities would still be deserving of love. it’s always been a coping mechanism. always. and then i’ve always strived to be a better writer, make my words worth reading, because i know how much of myself i’ve put into it.

to know other people see themselves in reader or eddie or any character i write is both so strangely hopeful but also so saddening, and it just makes me want to give you the biggest hug 🫂

on the note of publishing, i have definitely considered it. it’s just a really scary journey to decide to take. but the day i do decide to take the plunge, whether with this story or any other i’ve written or any entirely new one, you all will be the first to know 🖤🖤🖤

thank you so so much for reading, for letting my writing touch your soul the way it has. i am so honored that this fic has had this type of affect on you. this message genuinely made me cry. i am sending you all the love. <3

[shiftingtomydrs]

ok short (or not so short idk yet) rant about 2022 / 2023 season in my driver dr

background ive been in a rs with charles at this point for 2 and a half years (since mid 2019)

so basically in 2022 i win my 8th championship and yk its a big deal bcs its the one that breaks the record and for charles it sucks even more in 2022 than another year bcs this was the year he had a realistic chance at the championship for the first time before ferrari (binotto and carlos im sorry but they developed the car closer to carlos so im gonna blame carlos too) fucked it all up so theres a lot of frustration obviously and i now already scripted that we get into a big fight over it all and charles (bcs he doesnt deal well with confrontation) posts the famous breakup story on insta (we didnt breakup but he thought so bcs i was like 'i cant do this anymore' and stormed off but i just meant i cant do this fight anymore right now not the fucking rs) and follows alexandra bcs idk frustration or smth idk and then (shes a morally grey person in my dr im sorry but i dont see her as the good person here i feel kinda bad making her the villain but i need one and she fits the persona well) alexandra (im gonna call her alex bcs its easier to write lol) spreads the rumour of her and charles being in a rs (if youre not into f1 gossip, basically on the day that chacha broke up there was a tweet on insta saying 'yeah look out for alexandrasaintmleux charles just followed her with his private' and more tweets hinting at a rs between alex and charles) and basically puts herself on the map and then ferrari makes charles do a pr agreement with alex bcs it makes sense for him to have a gf (and she has ties to apm monaco one of his sponsors anyway) and also hes been getting hate for breaking up with me (fans love me lol im sorry but he kinda deserves it too in this situation) and ferrari cant have that for one of their drivers ofc so they try to take the attention off that (it doesnt really make sense but then again, ferraris actions never do so were good i think) and i did script charles and i get back together but the question now is when and how bcs i have some scenarios

Scenario 1: we get back together over the winter break and talk it out but the contract is already signed so we need to keep it secret

Scenario 2: we get back together after singapore (which charles wins in my dr) and have to hide it

Scenario 3: Alex is just a rebound (so no pr rs but used for pr purposes and no real genuine feelings more like a hookup gone wrong bcs no one can tell me these two are in love) and we get back together after singapore anyway and they break up

Scenario 4: we get back together somewhere in the 2023 winter break after the pr contract ran out (its for 1 year in my head)

any other ideas are welcome lol bcs maybe im just overlooking the obvious here :)

[atinylittlepain]

I finished Deliver Me from Nowhere immediately after you posted the final chapter. I flew through it, furiously, needing to read the ending before I could take everything in. But even as I did I captured so many lines and passages in my head. The final chapter was absolutely stunning. I don’t mean this as any offense to writers on tumblr or fan fics but when I read your work it feels so much bigger, so much more real, profound, beautiful than this platform gets credit for. Or you, really. Your work reads like short stories I read in The New Yorker. It deserves so much more than this.

These words struck something in me…

“This isn’t want, after all. Want isn’t big enough for whatever this is. Something deeper, something threaded in with all the sinew and stretch of bone, ligament, and beating tissue. This is need. Vital and visceral, and so very precarious.”

“Want is a child. But need is an animal. Need is base, bruising, battering. There is no escaping need. There is no lying about need. There is only offering it up, and hoping that someone will see it and decide yes, animal, come here, let me do something about your need, and you can do something about mine.”

“For now, the feeling of her ribs expanding and contracting against his side is all the goodness he could want, or even need. Pain yet to be understood in all the places that her breath catches. But for now, she is looking at him and smiling, and saying something about the sheep that makes him laugh.”

But this. THIS:

“In the kitchen, he would feed her his heart if he could. It’s hers anyways.”

This is everything ^^

- Please don’t ever stop writing. Ever. ❤️

Hi, so, yeah, ive been holding onto this message for two weeks now :')

i fucking love the passages you picked out because they were ones that felt important to me too - really essential viscera of this story

im gonna be so honest for a moment, just between you and me (and the rest of tumbles lol) but i've been seriously questioning my place here on tumbles - full disclosure, i started out here back in january (woof, almost a year ago) in the mindset that what i was writing didn't count as writing for me bc i was writing for the sole purpose of turning out work i thought people would like on here - and they did, and i did that for a long time, got a lot of notes on pretty vapid work etc etc, and even though i wasn't thinking about it as writing, it was a sort of stretching and contracting of musculature that eventually changed and evolved into me writing what i wanted to write.

i think june was the first departure from the canned fics i had been producing to something a little more my style, and a little less desirable to the masses of tumblr lol

the notes got fewer and fewer, but the readership ive had for works like june and deliver me (and even my cannibals, hi, freaks love ya lmao) is so close and lovely and that's been far more rewarding - getting messages from folks that this work has somehow touched them or made them feel seen or just loosened some essential emotion in them enough that they can process it and let it move through them - i love that, and writing these fics has done much the same for me - and (not but, and) and im also having growing pains

i keep coming back to fic bc it's safe and comfortable and i use it as a crutch - stakes are lower when you aren't thinking about querying or publishing or "good enough" - but, again, being honest, the fic thing doesn't feel good any more - it feels like what it is, me trying to fit something that doesn't fit any more, trying to cramp myself into something and expect people to like it when it's simply not what they come to tumblr for

ive been fighting myself on this for a while, slowly inching my way out of fic and into the reality that i want my work to go elsewhere and trying to believe that i have the chops to make that happen - your message is such a buoy and encouragement toward that future

let me make something very clear here, this is my experience, i am by no means shitting on fic writing in general at allllll - people are doing amazing shit on here, no doubt, this is just where i'm at personally with it - ive said it before and ill say it again - writing begets writing, and without all the fic i wrote this year, i know for a veritable fact i would've never gotten my first novel this year either - but i think it's time for a shift for me

all this is to say that i think an era is ending, but i'm so grateful i got it to begin with to have had the chance to share work with folks like you. maybe you'll see me in the new yorker one day :)

[stepsofthepalace]

Still discovering new things about myself every day…

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about this and I think I just need to write them down and get them out so I can stop running over them again and again in my head.

YouTube kept recommending me this video about signs that you could be asexual. I kind of dismissed it the first couple times, being like “well I don’t need to watch this, bc I’m not.” I’ve known about asexuality and had ace friends for the better part of a decade, and I’ve been pretty sure I’m demi for much of that time.

But then the video kept popping up in my feed… and I watch a *lot* of YouTube, particularly putting it on in the background while I’m working since I’m generally doing fairly low-mental-effort computer work a lot of the time and I like to watch videos/listen to podcasts/listen to music while I do it

So I finally decided to put it on for curiosity’s sake. And wow… I got slammed in the face with several things in that video that hit a little too close to home. Like, stopped me in my tracks, causing me to rewind and listen to what they said multiple times over kind of close to home

And Loveless by Alice Osman was referenced at one point in the video, and since I was already having a mild panic about what this all meant, I checked it out of the library and read it in less than a day. I full on sobbed at one point reading it

And all this is also happing while I’ve been (somewhat unenthusiastically) planning a date with someone on hinge. I had recently updated my profile to demisexual instead of lesbian after a date where the other person had clearly been interested in sex on the first date if I was open to it (which there’s nothing wrong with that but I was very embarrassed and wanted to make sure I was clear about it from the start now that I was not interested in that).

So this girl I was planning a date with asked me what demisexuality looked like for me (especially since she was more open to casual sex) and I was weirdly thrown by the question - particularly since I think I had just watched the video that day or the day before. I ended up unintentionally leaving her on read for like two days just trying to parse through my feelings about the question

Also also, I watch a lot of JaidenAnimations videos, and she made a video about being AroAce a while back (maybe like a year ago?) and there were a few things she’d said in that video that had hit a little close to home, but I’d more or less written it off. And now because of this new video, and the book, I’m remembering my feelings about her video and it’s causing even more questions and mild spiraling

Anyway, I’m still going on the date this weekend, but it’s hitting at a weird time for me - after the video (or videos) and the book, and trying to do more research in my limited free time right now, I’m starting to think I might be fully ace. And I never thought this was the case until recently, but I think I may be on the Aromatic spectrum too…

Like I don’t think I’m fully Aro, but maybe demiromantic or even grayromantic. Bc I’ve had crushes before, but they’re very few and far between, and honestly I think some of them were just friends that I felt extremely close to and and wanted to hang out with all the time (like I’m not really sure if I ever wanted to date them, or even kiss them, or if I was just misinterpreting my strong platonic feelings??)

The only person I *know* I had romantic feelings for was the one girlfriend I had in sophomore year of college - and I was friends with her doe the better part of a year before those feelings made themselves known. But that ended pretty spectacularly after a very short span of time

For years I thought I was still just traumatized from that experience. I thought it exacerbated my fear of intimacy, that I was being too prudish, that I was picky, that it was just my anxiety getting the better of me, that I was a (very) late bloomer, etc

Ive always made a shit ton of excuses for why I didn’t/don’t date much (“i don’t have time right now,” “I don’t like dating apps/I find them tedious/stressful”, “I plan to move in the near future so what’s the point,” “I’ve gone on a couple dates recently but nothings stuck”) but now I think I understand that there’s more to it than that

I’m half a year away from turning 30. My sister was married with a baby by this point. So many of my current friends or my old friends from college are married or getting married, and so many of those who aren’t are still in long term relationships, moved in with their significant others and gotten a dog together

I don’t know if I really have a final point to this post other than that I think the closest label I’ve got at this point is potentially asexual grayromantic lesbian (boy what a mouthful). It’s nice I guess to understand more about myself, but it also adds to this feeling of dread that I’m never going to have what my friends and siblings have. That I’ll be a forever-third-wheel (or fifth, seventh, etc depending on the size of the group)

It makes me think of an analogy I use a lot for why I think having 2 kids or 4 kids is better than having 3 kids. If you go to an amusement park, it’s easier if you have an even number - because then everyone always has someone to sit with on the rides (I acknowledge that this analogy is very monogamous and it doesn’t really take polyamory into account, but it makes sense to me bc I’m monogamous). But what I’m worried about is that I’ll never have that person to ride with. That I’ll always be the extra person making the group an odd number

Any way that’s all definitely too much information, but I’ve been spiraling a bit as I try to come to terms with this and figure things out more decidedly. I probably should have just written this in a journal or seen a therapist or something (not that I can afford one), but there’s something nice about yelling it into the void and the void potentially saying something back, idk

If you did read this whole thing for some reason, thanks

[fizzypunks]

hi everyone :) its been a moment since ive been on here, but ive certainly not forgotten it. i've been v busy and life picked up since the pandemic, which was the time i got back into writing, into fic in general, and i really miss that feeling bc god knows its definitely not 2020 any more. very odd. but that does bring me to my next steps, because i miss this blog, and i miss writing, a lot. so, house keeping notes:

i miss this blog but i feel like i want something that feels lighter, so i've officially moved over to @daizedream which is now my writing blog. it's not primarily 18+ content but i obviously do write content like that from time to time, so i ask that you follow and interact only if you're 18+. thank you!!

that means my ao3 is now also changed names, and you can find me there as daizedream ~ links from my posts are now broken because of that, but we are the same ppl and is confirmed in ao3 bios.

i have written a handful of things over the past two-ish years, but i havent yet started on some passion projects that have been sitting in my brain for a good near-3 years now, and im happy to say im going to be working on those soon :>

ive written for a lot of niche and rare pairs/ideas/etc and i really appreciated the support and the sense of community that came from those stories, so im actually really excited to say that i have a lot of ideas for those niche/rare pairs, and im planning on writing and completing them next year ~ shikaneji lives rent free in my head and it's been way too long since they've made it out of my head. i have a little fandom list on my other blog tho so i'll be writing for those fandoms too

i am on break now bc im back in school, so it's going to be a bit slow going next year for some projects, esp the big chaptered one that needs planning, but i am hopeful and excited for the short stories/oneshots that i wanna work on and share. school and work dictate the pace of these things, im afraid, so i cant guarantee consistancy

anyways, this is really long and i had to blow off the dust on this blog to even use it but if youve read this far then thank u very much, it means a lot to me, and i wanted to update because i really do miss the community and the writing and the indulgence of way back when, and i just wanted to pop back in and say it. thanks! happy holidays! and please stay warm, its a cold one this winter ~

see you over at daized ~

[gmos]

i am so like. metaphysically exhausted i feel like im going thru so much rn i just need to vent with timestamps

like i have zero money so my card declined on my medical bill today and i have to make a bunch of phone calls to places that are only open on weekdays. and i have to prepare for a market but my heart is just not in it. plus ive been waiting to hear back about some other freelance stuff but it hasnt happened yet. so i just keep working on little bits and praying that it will work out. esp bc i have a tattoo appointment i made for my birthday to keep from totally spiraling but i obviously dont have the money for it right now.

and i have to go talk to bf's parents on monday and convince them that im telling the truth about anything w regards to moving. when they dont respect me and think im just some fairy trying to steal their daughter. and the thing is i am but its obviously for the best. and my parents are excited that im moving back but they cant really help me until july and mostly once we're already over there. and bc of how little money we have were gonna have to get rid of most of our stuff and either fly or drive a car across the country.

and all of this while i am getting sicker and sicker and ive just been getting sicker for years and usually it gets better in the summer but this year it isnt so im really worried about that. all i want is to sit outside in a pretty dress with a fun beverage and draw and write but the reality of my situation keeps creeping in. and its crazy bc the thing is pretty much everything aside from the medical bill is already sorted out and being dealt with and i just have to wait it out. i just cant get over how stressed out i feel and thats whats holding me back from fixing things, leading to them getting worse. they increased my ocd medication but the pharmacy hasnt called me yet even after two days when usually they have it same day.

what is going on. im exhausted. i havent slept properly in like two years. i survive off chocolate chips and microwavables and vitamin supplements. i spend most days alone in my apartment sitting by the window on the computer. this is not living. this is not living. i am supposed to be outside talking to strangers. i am supposed to be making the mistakes of a young adult. i turn 20 in 10 days. i have not been able to stay sober longer than 3 days in a row. i have near-constant short term memory loss. my vision is fading. i cant stand. once a week i go to the park and run until my ribs hurt, which is only about 3 minutes. i wear dresses over my hairy legs and combat boots. i get boba tea and coffee and ice cream when i have 10 dollars in my bank account. why isn't it worth it to live a beautiful life? why is responsibility the beginning and end of my life? when do i get to fuck up without being incessantly punished for the rest of my life?

when i was 17 i came to the startling realization that when something bad happens to me, that is the punishment. before that, and even still, i believed that i had to endure the bad thing and then be punished for the fact that the bad thing even happened. then one day i spilled olive oil all over the kitchen counter and my father helped me clean it up and asked if i was ok. to this day it sticks out as a dream, as if something so kind could ever happen to me. and yet i feel like if i had not been treated with so much hostility, i never would have been radicalized the way i am today. i cant prove either way, but i know that the hostility i am constantly faced with is unwarranted. yet it continues, so what am i doing wrong? the answer is obviously everything.

writing this has calmed me down. i am one of the few who benefits from journaling, even performative journaling, which is what this website is based on. one day when i die just a little bit before my time, my now-bf future-husband will compile my unpublished writing and art and notebooks and tumblr posts into a chronicle of my life, and then i will finally be beautiful.

[dacergirl369]

HELLO HELLO I WAS TAGGED BY @horse-music HI BESTIE THANK YOU!!!!

are you named after anyone? yeahhhhh my irl first name is named after my mums favourite movie but benny is a diminutive of my surname so im named after...... myself??? slay

when was the last time you cried? uhhhhh maybe last week??? I had a very frustrating time last week and im a real crybaby lmao 

do u have kids? no unless you count my three beautiful cat children :)

do u use sarcasm? YEah i guess so. this question feels like a trap I feel like no matter what answer i say people are going to assume im being sarcastic. I'm STUCK. 

whats the first thing you notice about people? I guess whether they seem nice or not?? approachability???? idk

what's your eye colour? grey blue

scary movies or happy endings? WHY PIT TWO BAD BITCHES AGAINST EACH OTHER

any special skills? not particularly!! I can't really think of any rip

where were you born? yorkshire. white rose for life innit

what are your hobbies? DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS OBVIOUSLY. but also I don't know if i've ever really talked about this on here but im SUPER into bookbinding. largely of fanfics but also notebooks and my original writing etc. i mostly do casebound books since thats what i enjoy making the most BUT i LOVE experimenting with new types of binding as well as binding adjacent crafts (paper marbling, paste papers, box building, etc). bookbinding is highkey the love of my life rn i love CRAFTS. Its fun its cool its easy to get started with and its extremely rewarding to create a pretty good book even first try. cannot recommend it enough. the only downside is that ive started pouring all of my limited money into Bookbinding Supplies and Machines bcs i am. Obsessed. but you don't NEED that shit to do well at it i just like it. :)

do you have any pets? YES i have many beautiful children including three beautiful kitties and two Very Large Dogs (technically they belong to my parents but those r MY KIDS). 

do you or have you played any sports? im not really a sports guy but i played rounders through to the end of secondary and one time when i was in year 5 i think i got a last minute invite to come to a golf tournament bcs someone got sick and they were a person short for the team and i was like “sure, ive never played golf before but i will say yes to literally anything that gets me out of class” and so i went and i won the tournament so i guess you could say im a champion. full disclosure i dont know that any of those kids had ever played golf before that day think everyone was just picked for being vaguely sporty and i got picked for being generally well behaved and also available. plus the category was like “[city] year 5 golf champion” so it was SUPER narrow and not very competitive. lol. i dont really remember what the actual tournament consisted of but im like 75% sure it wasnt actually playing golf. I think it was just like a selection of golf adjacent activities. weird day

how tall are you? I don't know like 5’5? 5’4? something like that

fave subject at school? media studies my beloved <3 i never had more fun engaging academically than i did in gcse media.

dream job? I dont KNOW i like performing i like writing i like creating. probably like a podcaster or stand up or author i just got SHIT TO SAY. or a bookbinder. :)

TAGGING @acasternaut @blueberrybonbons @riverblujay @billhaders @tattoobedobedoo @pawpunkao3 AND ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO. IF I DIDNT TAG YOU IM SOWWY :D