#bc it’s fucking weird to define ppl’s experiences for them

[spacelazarwolf]

You have an uncanny ability to attract the worst people

it’s bc ppl love to “Coolsville Sucks” my posts and spread them around among people who don’t question why someone would want a jewish trans man to look bad. my favorite was when someone took a screenshot of a post where a trans woman in my inbox said she believes she experienced some instances of male socialization and part of my response where i said i’ve heard other trans women say that too, then cut off my actual post where i said i don’t believe male/female socialization exists and would never label a trans woman’s experience as “male socialization” unless that’s how she wants people to refer to it, and then went “LOOK HE BELIEVES TRANS WOMEN ARE SOCIALIZED MALE AND HAVE MALE PRIVILEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” like. THE definition of Coolsville Sucks.

[tirfpikachu]

i'm tired of arguing over terminology with tras.

if they call us cis women, then they should let us define cis womanhood for ourselves.

let's be the ones to define our often misunderstood cis/biological womanhood. like yeah, we're female and not trans... and we're oppressed bc we're female, and we don't get to transition out of facing daily misogyny. we're born in it and trapped in it. we have certain unique privileges over transfems ofc, but all amab/male ppl have certain privileges over us. we're two differently marginalized groups. they have a certain type of privilege over us on virtue of not growing up facing misogyny, not having to experience misogyny trauma which can be debilitating as fuck and gives amab ppl a leg up in life in some areas (emphasis on some). cis/bio women aren't the one-way oppressor that people portray us as. many of us would even qualify as trans/nonbinary to you but feel more post-gender. we just align with our agab/sex neutrally, we have a weird dynamic with our bodies but we don't want to run away from being female. we're just female ppl who don't identify out of our femaleness. even if we have actual dysphoria we just so happen not to use the trans or nonbinary label and many of us end up healing their dysphoria, like me, through sisterhood & trauma processing. not everyone can do that obvs, but even outside of that radblr can be a space for transmasc ppl to not feel so alone in their afab childhood traumas. isn't leftist culture all about respecting different marginalized experiences? can't we define ourselves? can't we be the ones to tell you what cis womanhood, biological womanhood, being a non-trans female person means to us without being constantly talked over? men fucking hate us and fetishize us for being cis. most cis men are only into afab/female people, we're the target, if they get tricked into being with a transfem without knowing they have the typical throwing up scene bc that's just not what they're into. me being born seen as a girl and growing up seen as a girl and facing grown woman shit isn't a privilege. many cis women have faced worse than some trans people but they're told to shut tf up and be good allies without getting any allyship back. it's not equal and it's fucking unfair. the way that trans ppl are treated on radblr can be super shitty. the way that cis women are treated by trans ppl can be super shitty too. sorry for being a peace-loving centrist i guess. can't we shake hands? as long as shit gets figured out, of course. brushing things under the rug hasn't helped anybody

please have nuance. there are different ways of being oppressed, and both parties may have privileges over eachother. it's not an attack. cis/bio women have to be good allies to people who face transphobia, and trans ppl need to be good allies to cis/bio women for growing up as girls and facing misogyny as adults and medical misogyny relating to female biology, which male/amab ppl do not face. things just need to make fucking sense. we're both marginalized groups!!! we're leftists!!!!! we believe in the same shit why tf are we tearing eachother apart?? the patriarchy is loving it jsyk. ofc they would want us to focus our energy on infighting rather than on the shitty bio men terrorizing bio women AND trans people. we're wasting so much time. you gotta shake hands and return to the battle. gotta join forces. gotta make compromises. you both fucked up in different ways and many ppl got hurt in the radfem-trans battle. you gotta make amends and move tf on and fight the patriarchy!! please. compromises. peace. actually figuring shit out. we're wasting so much time on very dumb things, both sides are, and we're not calling out the shitty ppl within our own communities bc we assume they're fake or they're trolls. there will always be shitty ppl in every leftist movement and you need to root them out and educate them. not everyone needs to do educational activism, ofc, but some of us want to and many of us can make social progress this way. i think trans ppl should give cis/bio women the mic sometimes. we may have more nuanced shit to tell you than you think. and we might still be trans allies, and some of us might even be trans. listen to us!! we still want to be your allies, most of us anyways!!! don't define us by shitty ppl that crop up around radblr sometimes. so many of us are willing to embrace nuance and maintain equal allyship. we're all marginalized and fighting the patriarchy should be #1 priority above all, so let's talk this out, wrap things up and move tf on!!!!

[rouge-the-bat]

man i have such a kneejerk reaction of just like 😒🙄 anytime i see "comp het," even just when ppl are talking about their own experiences, bc of the amount of times ive had exclusionists come at me like "uhmm sweaty i think u just have comphet :) are you sure u dont just have comphet? how do you know its not just comphet (bc i think its comphet)? you just have comphet :)" just bc i dare to be a bi lesbian

my attraction is weird and muddled and uncommon- for a large part bc im arospec and experience way more aesthetic attraction than romantic but they can blend sometimes- but i LOVE introspection! pondering on my own thoughts and feelings is something i find actively interesting to do! but putting my thoughts into words can come hard for me bc of my adhd, and in general explanations about someones identity rarely fully encompass every miniscule detail to perfection. if someone genuinely sounds like they may need help figuring themselves out better, you can OFFER assistance/advice/your own experiences, but you DO NOT KNOW THEM BETTER THAN THEY DO THEMSELVES, AND NEVER CAN OR WILL. making assumptions about complete strangers identities just because you dont like their label is fucking shitty. its not your identity to define

[symptoms-syndrome]

Hi! I’m curious to hear (in a vague way) what the process was like uncovering the DID if you’re comfortable answering. Like how long did it take? Did your therapist(s)/treatment team first consider other diagnoses? And anything else you feel comfortable sharing.

Hihi! This is sort of a hard question to answer for me, but I can try!

What constitutes my "treatment team" is sort of hard to define in this sense, because IDK if you mean "the ppl over the course of my life" or like "the one who wrote it on paper."

I've been seeing a therapist since I was 6 years old. I started going to outpatient programs like when I was in my early teens for Behavioral Problems. In those I was diagnosed with everything in the book so like. In that sense other diagnoses were considered? I think by the time I was 18 and kicked out of the house/able to see a professional of my own volition not connected to my parents/disciplinary programs, I was mostly labeled as BPD, PTSD, depression + anxiety, OCD, maybe NPD or ODD. I don't really give a single shit about any of those because I don't define myself by diagnoses anymore, or try not to, and my therapists as an adult told me it was majorly fucked that I was diagnosed with all that as a teenager. Most of them weren't even legit they were just labels to try and pin down why I was a Bad Kid. Spoiler for that, the answer was that generally teenagers act out when they're subject to intense trauma basically all the time and aren't listened to and are institutionalized. Tends to fuck your brain up real bad. I'm a lot better now not bc I got over the laundry list of diagnoses, but because I'm in like. A stable and supportive and independent environment.

I was officially diagnosed as an adult, exact ages escape me but probably like 19? It came as a surprise to me but fit like a glove re: my experiences with memory loss, not remembering where I am, meeting people who have met me before but I didn't remember, people telling me I did things I don't think I would, etc. It was really upsetting to hear because it's such a. Permanent and perception-of-life altering disorder. I was definitely hoping it was something that could be like. Cured more easily. It was also definitely hard to come to terms with the fact my childhood was That Bad, when I didn't really think it was before.

My therapist at the time said it was almost stupidly obvious that was what I had, even tho I wasn't like. Aware of it.

So like. How long did it take is hard to answer. Overall, if you count all the time I was being seen by psychiatric "professionals?" Over 10 years. If you count just that therapist? Like one year.

I'm a lil scatterbrained RN, so I might add more detail later or if u send another ask. I guess the question is so open and vague it's hard to answer without a full autobiography LMAO.

But I guess it would be useful to know why you wanna know. Then I could probably give a better answer. Are you considering the diagnosis for yourself? Are you trying to see if ur experience is shared w others? But also keep in mind I'm a weird little anti-psych dog who in general rejects the idea of seeking diagnosis for treatment. RN in therapy I mostly talk about my day to day struggles with whatever (like "damn, I've been really fixated on [specific trauma] this week" or "I made a friend" or "I'm really stressed about this argument I had" or "later this week im going on a date and i don't wanna fuck it up") and occasionally parts stuff comes up. Therapy hasn't majorly changed I don't think. Then again I'm real shit brain right now and my memory sucks ass. Maybe I can answer better later I just know if I didn't answer at all I'd forget.

[squeakheart]

talking abt doc's gender swap attack... ik its not that deep and oda just wanted to draw ppl growing tits but whatever! doc q genderposting UTC

-

doc's powers kinda hold a lotta my bbp gender hcs together so like... untangling what he can and can't do... i think he has limitations (especially since one piece already has ivankov's power to instantly permanently transition ppl)

we know his attacks wear off (or can be cancelled out with willpower) so if u wanna keep the changes you'd hafta go back to him for a top-up

he's illness themed & his attack worked like a transmissible virus so thats something to keep in mind logistically ... but the optics of it are a bit "chemicals in the water to turn the frogs trans" so like... i wanna be kinda careful with it yk...

in my hcs i think its still transmissible but closer to the irl "if your partner is on tgel and you touch them you might absorb some" thing than like "if you cough everyone in the room suddenly transitions"

i dont think he can "swap" genitals even tho that kinda felt implied in canon... prob just size changes and erectile function changes

he objectively sucks as a doctor (and as a person) so i think hes not very good at balancing ppls hormones .. inconsistent ass levels compared to what other (normal) one piece doctors could give u

weird side effects likely since like. its doc q

he can probably diy some regular hrt (premarin at least .. hes literally a horse guy) but he would prefer doing it w his powers

basically his attack functions more like real-world HRT than a magical gender-swap button in my hcs

the bbps i hc as trans are augur (trans girl) laffitte (transfem nonbinary) shot, burgess and kuzan (trans guys) and he manages their hormones for them ... he was extremely chasery in canon with the femlaw thing and unforch i cant imagine him being less of one for his crewmates erm ... they all have fucked moral compasses so a lot of them probably arent bothered (shot especially wouldnt give a shit) but i think kuzan might be uncomf since hes used to having access to more professional/less pervy doctors :p i also go back and forth on whether laffitte would medically transition at all? burgess is definately roiding as well as regularly transitioning. basically i think he does a servicable job managing the crew’s transitions while still being who he is & with them all being who they are

as for doc's own gender .. i think he tested that shit out on himself for sure (both bc i think he has to be patient zero for his power to work and bc he would just want to) ... i don't neccesarily think hes trans but i do think hes very open to temporary experimenting .. again kinda goes back to the extreme chaser energy

wrt bebe - this part is straight up sooooooo personal!!! but if youve read my fics you alr know the situation with him getting super weird and fetishistic about her body. ive written him saying a lot of stuff that would be kind of inexcusable for a real person to say to me (perisex ppl dni with any of my doc q is weird about intersex ppl hcs fr. 🔫 its on sight) but ig im kinda working thru negative feelings about my own body by making my fictional guy super enamoured with it OTL anyway fetishism aside he is helping her balance her hormones and achieve some changes she wants while also encouraging her to not hide features that she shouldnt have to be ashamed of ... the rat whiskers thing is a facial hair analogy & in my canon hes a lot of the reason she lets them grow out after the timeskip. the boobs she gets after the timeskip are also his work (i think ive drawn/posted this before) .. thats about all i'll say rn im getting embarrassed tbh

[dogfags]

rambles about gender and how I don't understand it

I think I'm just too autistic to understand the concept of gender or rly.. figure out my own gender identity. like I don't think I even have one? I want to live my life as a man and present and be seen as one. but I don't FEEL any kind of gender. like transitioning was more of an aesthetic choice for how I want to look and be seen by others. but "gender" is such a vague concept to me and I never felt any kind of gender I just do things and people ascribe gender to them. like when I was a kid I did not think about gender at all until puberty started and I began having trans thoughts™ and day dreaming about swapping bodies with boys I knew or becoming a boy or pretending to be a boy on the internet. I guess I don't feel like I'm nonbinary bc most nonbinary people I've met at least still feel and understand gender. but I don't even get it in other people really. like I know gender and presentation are different but presentation is kinda all gender is to me. if there's nothing physical to ascribe to gender and it's just an abstract concept I literally cannot wrap my head around that. which is partially why I don't understand some GNC trans people. not that I ever question them or tell them they're fake but I just don't get it? I don't get how you can "feel" a gender but not want to present or be seen as that gender. if there's nothing physical for me to hold onto I don't really understand gender as a concept. I consider myself a trans man bc I take T and got surgery to look more like one so that I can live as a man in society. so if people aren't doing those things I just don't get why they're trans bc to me trans isn't a feeling.... gender is not a feeling... when people say they "feel" like a man or woman I literally cannot fathom what they mean. I don't and have never "felt" like a man. if I wanted to I could have just lived as a woman my whole life. like I would have been depressed/suicidal bc I have gender dysphoria but I still COULD have. it's confusing to me that all trans people have a different experience of being trans and like there's no real set of symptoms or whatever to ascribe to transness bc everyone is so different. I don't know what makes me trans. I suspect for me it's just a mental disorder that comes from my C-PTSD and history of sexual trauma. I tried living as a woman and I fucking hated it, but like idk. with enough therapy maybe I could have been "saved" from transitioning lmfao idk. I have accepted a while ago that I am not a typical trans person and don't have the experience most trans people have nor do I understand others experiences. that's why I feel so alienated from the trans community. I don't "feel" trans. and for a long time I rejected any specific labels and I am starting to get back to that but "trans" just makes sense for me in how it is literally defined. I've read a lot of radfem stuff and queer theory stuff trying to make sense of it from all angles. sometimes I can follow the logic. sometimes I'm just like, no this makes no sense for me. maybe for other trans people but not me. I'm in a weird place bc I'm dating a cis gay man and I don't feel.. worthy? to be doing that? like, idk. I feel like he'd be happier with another cis man. but maybe not. who knows. if all I am is a woman who wants to live as a man then that's fine with me, I don't really care what gender I am lol. I just know how I want to look and present to the public eye. this is why ppl think I'm truscum or whatever but I'm not, I don't push my feelings about my own gender onto others. I don't rly care what other people do and call themselves even if I don't "get it." by some definitions I am nonbinary but I have little interest in exploring that as an identity for myself as I've done it before and just feel more dysphoria at the fact I am not "really a man" but some mysterious third thing. I have theories about where my gender dysphoria comes from but none of it is proven and it's kind of a waste of time to dwell on it. anywayyyyyy

[trans-leek-cookie]

very personal (arguably oversharing) but vague on details talking about. CSA and experiences in my life that idk how to like. Organize my thoughts on them. 👎 And also I genuinely couldn't care less Abt who reads this (minus like. Pls keep urself safe y'know) here's a mahjong tile 🀄 because idk

Thinking abt CSA is fucking weird bc there was an instance that (clothed and minimal physical contact. I don't wanna over share but Id feel weird not clarifying). I have trouble personally labeling bc like in my mind there wasn't intent to harm or like. Full Awareness of what what happening bc the other ppl involved were also my age. So I don't want to label them as abusers but at the same time I do think it affected me. But, besides that, the thing is I don't think the event was The Big Thing that fucked my relationship w sex/sexuality as a kid bc really That One Was The Internet. Like the reason The Thing happened was bc all of us as kids were exposed to porn at a young age and we didn't have the ability to really process what that meant and idk Abt them but my parents just tried to keep me away from that stuff rather than actually helping me process what I was seeing?

Especially since it wasn't even something that I really actually... Idk i sought it out bc I didn't understand it well more than actually being aroused by it so. Yeah I do wish my parents had given me more info there.

But to summarize basically I don't think that even was uniquely traumatic in that like. I don't want to downplay the fact it obviously still affects me but it honestly feels like. Idk it wasn't anyones fault directly it was just decisions that we all didn't have the proper context for (my peers and I lacked the info and experience to have informed consent when it came to sexual stuff and my parents didnt know how much sexual stuff i was seeking out bc I actively hid it from them) so like.

The way I'll put it is that if someone has The Exact Same Experiences I wouldn't say they Were Wrong to label it as CSA (specifically COCSA) but personally I think that label doesn't capture the way it registers and therefore affects my relationship w sexuality. I feel like I struggle with that in some ways bc it's a sorta... Hard to define gray area and I don't Like That. I want things to be defined and like fully dissected to I can understand them.

Then there's. Like. Another incident in which my dad exposed me to a movie that. Idk it was about strippers so it wasnt that it had A Sex Scene it was About Sex Work and shit. Also one of the fuckin. Trailers for other movies they put on DVD had a "please be 18" joke (it was a racecar driver getting flashed) that. Now idk if it was meant as like hopeful or worried? But I had to ask my dad to explain that to me and he did??????? And I barely remember his explanation but man what the fuck

Anyway it's another case of I don't want to call it CSA bc that implies there is An Abuser and that. Doesn't feel right. I guess. And not just bc like oh he's my dad he wouldn't do that

It's like i wasn't forced or coerced into watching I was just curious so I watched it. And I think the problem is the fact he didn't like. I don't know

Because I was getting exposed to sexual shit on my own, so I don't even think making me Not Watch it wouldve helped in the long run. I guess it's more that fuckign. Both of these things are singular incidents that are easy to remember bc of the fact they are identifiable as Incidents

But like. The thing is that I genuinely don't think those Incidents are the problem, because even if they didn't happen I would have still been exposed to sexual material that normalized fucked up ideas of consent and sexuality and sex. Like.

I guess the problem is less Abuse and more... Neglect? In that I wish adults around me had done more to explain consent and that sexual shit isn't Bad in some nebulous way but is like. Dangerous in the way a knife is.

Because the problem isn't the fact a knife is sharp the problem is that you arent careful when using the knife and hurt yourself or someone else (or someone else hurts you) and a knife can be used to hurt people because it's dangerous but that doesn't mean it's always bad it's just Dangerous. And also it should be kept out of kids' reaches until they understand how to safely interact w it

Also tangent: I don't think asexuality should b like pushed on kids or whatever but I think it's worth telling kids about because learning about asexuality as a (pre?)teen when I had known about sex since I was probably 7 ish? really helped prevent my relationship with sex getting worse

Mainly bc it taught me it was normal to not want sex and never want sex, and I think while some kids might think they're ace when they're just y'know. Kids who aren't interested in sex. I think it does help kids who have been exposed to sex contextualize their experiences more

Like. Explicitly having confirmation that sometimes people just don't have sex (which isn't exclusive to ace ppl there's just a lotta overlap) or experience sexual attraction Ever was helpful for me to fully understand the different parts of sex. And also I don't think it's the end of the world if some eleven yrs old thinks they're ace and when they become an adult they realize they were wrong or whatever.

[sanstropfremir]

which male idol in your opinion has the best style? if we exclude stylists’s outfits and group appearances. Also who do you think dresses up? Like maybe wearing clothes that are not them just bc it’s the trend. would love to read your opinion on that xx

oh dawn, 100%. he has some of the best understanding of fashion and specfically how to use silhouette and statement pieces. key obviously, also. all the guys in a.c.e are pretty well dressed but particularly sehyoon and donghun (whom i think dress the others actually lol)! both of them play around a lot with silhouette also, and sehyoon in particular loves accessories and will pull some insane combos that i am obsessed with:

(that's his mom's watch in the second one btw)

suho also has really great taste, his instagram now that he's come back is just a parade of nice clothes. tbh it can be kind of hard to tell when idols are dressing themselves and when it's a stylist, especially just from pictures, if you don't know what event it is/have the context of what they were doing at the time. and added onto that, a lot of the items in idols wardrobes are gifts, either from sponsorships or fans etc, so in terms of 'people that wear clothes that they wouldn't normally', well that's just most idols lmao. you do also run into the phenomenon of guys with good pieces in their wardrobes but don't seem to be all that versed in fashion (minho, junhee), and this comes down to a grey area where a lot of guys just do not know how to dress. that doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't interested in dressing well, it just means that it's not something that they have much experience in and they don't know how to go about asking. so often they end up with those good pieces bc a stylist puts it on them/gives them advice and they either take it home or find something similar to it, which puts them in a kind of a limbo spot in this particular ranking system; they would not have known about or gone out and bought that item if the stylist had not shown it to them, but it also doesn't mean that they're 'dressing up' bc it's something that they do like. you can see minho talk about this in his devil wears jungnam episode actually!

[fairycosmos]

i wanted to ask ur opinion on something, chloe! if u wanted. first i know i should leave ED communities but ! now, there was this discussion on this ed website i frequent about how 'fat celebrities' (adele & lizzo were mentioned the most) who 'pretended' to be confident in their 'obesity' at some point started to lose weight and said it was for 'health'. everyone seemed to agree that they were never confident to begin with and they started to lose weight bc they were mostly known for being fat than anything else like that's something 'to be proud about' and bc they 'know deep down being obese is never going to be beautiful as much as they try to play the body positivity card. what do you think about this? :/

to me that just sounds like sick ppl projecting their fucked up mind set surrounding body image on to random celebrities to be honest. just very weird. they're mad that they suffer constantly and still hate themselves whereas people like adele and lizzo are able to experience happiness and self love without hurting themselves to get there :/ it also just seems like they can't fathom that fat people might actually be able to like themselves, that they have more to offer than their bodies. these women are artists, not “known for being fat” - ppl with ED’s just hyperfixate on that (as does these lense of pop culture since fatphobia is a cultural norm, but being fat still doesn’t define them like what.). so they have to create these borderline conspiracy theory narratives over it, to try to work out how bigger people could actually dare to exist without being full of self loathing. if THEY build their whole lives around being as skinny as possible, how is it possible that others don't?? if THEY lose it over gaining five pounds, how is it possible that others are okay with it and even, shock horror, accept themselves as they are no matter how much they weigh?? 🤯🤯 the fact of the matter is it is none of their business what these women do with their bodies and i don’t know why they care. they will never know the real reasons why they decided to switch up their diet/lose weight unless they choose to speak out on it. like these women were fat and in the public eye for years, and it is quite clear that they developed a strong sense of confidence and self worth during that time, because they didn’t lose a shit ton of weight as soon as they got famous to appease the hate. so what even is their point like they're just......making shit up based on half baked assumptions to make themselves feel better LOL. also it's really not hard to believe that they decided to lose weight or to become more active for health reasons, like that's super common. and it doesn't mean they didn't love themselves or experience confidence at their highest weight, those things aren't mutually exclusive. i think that's the whole point actually, that their body doesn't dictate their sense of self worth. and ykw like i said, we'll never know the real reason they lost weight. it very well could be due to outside pressure nd being under such scrutiny as a woman in the media who is being harshly held to an impossible standard. body image issues often fluctuate, sometimes ur doing ok with them and sometimes ur not. doesn't mean they were lying about feeling good about themselves in the past imo! anyway i guess my answer is people r just very sad and in a lot of pain and they want others ESP fat women to feel the same way at all costs. but this is 100% a product of their fatphobia and their disorder, and not any valid criticism of the body positive movement, at least that's how it seems going off this ask

[dughole]

putting under the cut bc its too long..... .. ,...,. please share opinions and thoughts and opinions i am struggling.

does any other trans ppl like closeted or otherwise feel very alienated by ppl who r nb but it’s unclear whether they consider themselves trans or not. like obvi understanding if ur trans is an intimate process and it’s one that no one else is entitled to, but like, none of us lives in a vaccuum and regardless of whether ur experiencing interalized transphobia or ur just a bigot like - ur still affecting other ppl? i am having the problem of. there r people in my life who r using indicators of transness via their pronouns - but, they turn around and say really horribly physically transphobic stuff/they date someone who says those kinds of things/won’t call them out on it until another trans person does/they turn down active opportunities to be referred to by the correct pronouns by their family.. like these ppl can’t even say the word trans, or they can’t even like. be nice to me if they know i am trans. like i came out to an ex friend in order to tell them they were being transphobic towards myself and my ex, and they just .. stopped talking to me despite promising they were going to consider how badly their biases contribute to like. transphobic violence. and they don’t even make themselves open to criticism for transphobia most of the time like. r y’all having problems with that. like with cis nb ppl or otherwise. am i evil for feeling very bad and confused by that kind of behavior. like. i do not think these ppl r lying or scheming and transness isn’t defined by pain and i hate the stupid idea of “transtrenders” like that’s fake and who knows where these ppl will end up knowing abt themselves like it’s not my job to determine that. like, I will believe what you tell me about urself full stop and I am not going into it with skepticism. but. i am.. still having problems. like u r trying to detach urself from the gender binary but u r also asking people what’s in their pants and violating my sexual experiences bc of the trans aspect of them. and associating penises with ur sexual trauma to the end that u r making really shitty comments abt trans ppl in ur life. help. like it is starting to get to a point where ppl in my life will come out as nb while refusing to touch the concept of transness w a ten foot pole and i feel. alienated and sad instead of connecting with them on like, oh you also feel very alienated and disconnected by ur agab. like i feel like. this is a problem and a trend but it is hard to identify bc its nebulous like. this may not apply to u and ignore it if it doesn’t but if u R cis i think you should like. know u r cis and know what that means. and obvi like, being cis is a complicated thing too like bc a lot of ppl experience gender legitimization! and bc the line between cis and trans is blurry sometimes, but like! i feel like. everyone is responsible to know how they wield the biases that r inherent to society, like r u wielding it inwards at urself or at other people.. like maybe whether or not u know or consider urself cis is whatever but u should know if u r trans or not for the sake of urself and others. I do not know. transmedicalism is evil and im someone who has a very complex view of my tr*nsness esp. bc i am closeted in many parts of my life and im not in a safe circumstances. but like, i guess i do feel alienated by ppl who r using the same langauge as me but also, like, actively harming me and ppl i love, and like, make me feel weird for wanting surgery and to look different. like i dont think, transness is defined by dysphoria, its fucked up to think that!!!! is what i am saying making sense.!!!! I feel like ive seen similar thoughts expressed by other trans ppl like many trans women hav been like. guys i know ur all for "dont assume peoples genders its fucked up and bad" but also, when a trans woman presents femininely and like. isnt presumed a woman under those same guidelines by other queer ppl at best it makes them feel insanely unwelcome in their own community and at worst it actively gets them killed or assaulted like. problems !!! i am struggling to know how to talk about this

and i feel like it is just in my head.. am . i . crazy. am i hateful and evil and projecting.

[avenger-hawk]

Honestly people (women) who say gay guys always switch are wrong like most gay guys have a preference from what I've seen. On grindr too they tend to say what they want so they don't "waste time". And from what I've seen, gay guys tend to prefer for example NS over SN, and they usually explain the reason being that Naruto is very dominating. I think I'll trust gay men over women who are attracted to Sasuke with this

yeah I don’t trust women especially teenagers who never had sex or even felt attraction for anyone and whose only experience is social media where they define themselves as ace spectrum cause it’s kinda early but they want to fit in a cool box. not saying that ace ppl don’t exist ofc. but I don’t believe 90% of those online like I don’t believe to online ppl using labels of whatever kind cause who the fuck knows them anyway so why should I trust the crap they say. Back to this yeah, fangirls are not the law and they’re stupid usually. they justify their (wrong OOC) preference with ‘ewww you NS fans are fetishizing gays and you’re a bad person bc they switch’ which is interesting bc it comes from SN fans most of the times. it’s like while NS fans are validated by canon so it comes off as the most natural and IC dynamic, SN stans have to use weird ass-pulled arguments like wrong canon interpretation or this one. f*ck them tbh.

also yeah I know a gay guy who mentioned preference and I saw that grindr preference thing and I wish ppl understood that preferences exists for everyone, including gay guys.

(not to mention that character dynamics express who’s dominant and who’s passive ourside sex too?? which happens in heterosexual couples too, even irl, when there are dominant girls and passive guys, or with wlw couples??)

I recently saw the stupidest discourse on another fandom (the old guard), with first world fake woke puritans attacking those who had preferences over the muslim guy topping in the canon pairing, so they were all like ‘if you like this guy as top you’re fetishizing gays and muslims’ so wow they hit jackpot with it huh? and idiots with no functioning brain getting scared bc they liked that dynamic so the same shitty fandom police crap in a different context. then some guy arrives and writes that he’s gay and muslim and he likes to top so their discourse is stupid and some ppl were like enlightened by this guy and others still not convinced bc they know better, and I don’t even care about that fandom but the concept is that fans these days are so dumb it’s impossible to deal with them.

Because this whole thing can be looked from a higher perspective, which is why tf can’t ppl enjoy what they like without shitting on what others’ enjoy? And, in case of ppl enjoying OOC bullshit, why can’t they admit they just like that dynamic without having to make it right when it obviously isn’t? Like martyr meek itachi fans justifying SI. I hate this fandom and all fandoms tbh

[aroperyton]

oh a popular aro experience/feeling?? that i dont relate to (i feel like every arospec person has at least one of those), is the idea that like, nonplatonic relationships inherently being More than platonic relationships to you is inherently wrong+malicious+amatonormative when i like someone nonplatonically not only is there numerous factors/parts of my attraction towards them, but things i do with them OUT OF ATTRACTION that places it above/More Than my platonic relationships both in importance/priority with the ppl i know And in how i feel about them elaborating;

>if im nonplatonically attracted to someone theres a lot that factors in to it, this person just Existing inherently makes me feel good in this and that and this and that way and when they say my name or call me this or say this kind of thing to me it makes me feel this and this and thinking of them makes me wanna be with them more and think of things id wanna do in the future and being with them only intensifies that and makes me seriously try to plan a (albeit short-term) relationship with them, and that is how they make me feel -but with my friends there isn't any of this, there is no deep underlying feeling and devotion and me being Drawn to and appealed by and positive feelings that makes me want to do things with them, because i'm not attracted to them!!!! if i talk to a person and they seem cool i'll talk to them more cause talking to them's nice and That is IT that is the whole story nothing more nothing less!!!!! i describe this as platonic Attachment moreso than Attraction

>when i am nonplatonically attracted to someone, it's BECAUSE i feel all those aforementioned positive things towards them that DIRECTLY leads to - like, is on the same exact path as - wanting to do/doing shit with them! i wanna kiss em Because i'm attracted to them! i wanna wrap my arm around theirs and hold their hand Because i'm attracted to them! i wanna wrap around them in general Because i'm attracted to them! i wanna call them 8a83 and for them to call me whatever Because i'm attracted to them! i wanna do this and that and this and that BECAUSE i think they are hot and/or cute and they make me feel a way that makes me wanna do that stuff!!!! -but when someone is my friend, i do things with them just for the sake of doing stuff! i don't talk to them cause everything they say makes me go awww and wish we could move in together more, i talk to them cause i like hearing what they have to say and what they have to say is good and they're nice to talk to!! if i wanna cuddle them or kiss them on the cheek/forehead/whatever or be with them physically etc etc etc it's because they are and have been a Good Friend, ie They Are And Have Been Consistantly Good At Talking To Me and handling our relationship (ie saying the right things to me at the right time, ie not Saying 'shut up i hate you!!' when i Say 'im sad :(' /exaggerated, but you get the idea) which results in trust and respect and enjoyment of Our Relationship, IE, Us Talking To Eachother.

>so my nonplatonic relationships Usually (KEYWORD USUALLY!! while its not a kind of relationship i have a lot, i Have had nonplatonic relationships where i'd go to certain friends Before i'd go to my partner for some things and i DO disagree with the amatonormative ever-present notion that your partner HAS to come first and your friends will ALWAYS come last) come first because if i lose them or ignore them to Only spend time with my friends when i could spend it with them etc i am not just losing Someone To Talk To i am losing someone who inherently makes me happy and at ease and enjoying them Because They Are Them, and i am losing this and that and this and that thing to do that makes me happy bc im doing it with Them and able to just stew in how much i like them and how attractive they are -but! as stated before! my friendships are essentially just Talking To Someone and doing things to show youre glad theyre there because of how good talking to them is!! and if i lose them then well shit bro i can talk to fucking anyone else!!!!!! they mightve been someone who i could talk to abt a specific thing i couldnt trust with anyone else or maybe they'd talk in a specific way regarding certain things that was really comforting, BUT AGAIN THATS JUST ME BEING SAD OVER NOT TALKING TO THEM NOT BEING SAD OVER HOW I FEEL ABOUT THEM OR NOT BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS MY ATTRACTION VIA WHATEVER NONPLATONIC ACTION

(worth noting i am alloaro so if some of this reads as my nonplatonic relationships kinda railing off the ability to Do Something Out Of my attraction to them and how Attractive they are instead of just being with them and Them and my Ability to Be with them, there uh. ah. theres a reason for that ;>___>) so u might be reading this and going, oh, clove, that sounds like you're aplatonic! and you'd be right! but this is where it hits a wall cause i HAVE experienced platonic Attraction before. i Have been Drawn to and appealed by and, well, Attracted To someone.... out of platonicness. i Have felt a positive and emotional way towards someone that made me want to do things with them not to show appreciation but just out of how much they made me feel and how i felt about them, but in a platonic way! which might read as 'no homo'-y and we were just awkward friends but 'friends' was Not how we described, or not the sole way we'd describe our relationship, because we were More Than Friends*, but we weren't dating or being sexual or anything nonplatonic, but we weren't just friends, but we'd have recurring issues of ppl thinking we Were nonplatonic and that wasn't the case, but it really was way More than any regular friendship at least as far as we knew, but- so we defined that as a qpr and that was the best way to explain it and to this day i still feel like that explains it p solid even if the definitions for it aren't always the same and some aren't what i'd use for that one specifically, which crosses off another definition for aplatonic past 'i have experienced platonic attraction', 'i have had+wanted a qpr', And! that relationship and the way i felt overshadows how not-attracted to my friends i am and how clear cut the definition between 'friend' and 'not-friend [gayly]' is for me! which crosses out the last thing! so i just. feel weird abt it all. bottom line is that i know people aren't saying this shit for No Reason and if i want affirmation of the concept of 'nonplatonic relationships are more than platonic ones' i don't even have to fucking go outside i can just look literally anywhere that isn't wholly and entirely the aro community dedicated to arospec and aro-related discussion...... but i wish people wouldn't act like/imply that since this is how a lot of aro people feel, that this is not only an inherent intrinsic universal arospec experience/feeling, but that anything different directly goes against other aro people, even if the person in question is. also arospec. BUT MAYBE thats just me being hierarchy_polyamory_luvr_500 and not someone who relates to or particularly Wants to specifically aim for relationship anarchy with all my relationships started and maintained by myself, which is a whole nother post, BUT ANYHOO. don't throw affectionate/attraction-ing/partnering/amorous aros under the bus please lol XD

*ik this is kinda a loaded way to describe a relationship/feelings towards someone but wrt this specific relationship, i mean it in the sense of like.

if this makes sense? it's more than friends, but because it's still platonic feelings, it's just farther along the line of and has more going on than just regular friends, therefore. more than friends+not just friends. but the concept of a nonplatonic 'more than/not just friends' is not lost on me when it's not coming from like, a romance movie, cause -GESTURES AT THE ENTIRE FIRST 3/4THS OF THIS POST-

[translightyagami]

Light!

My otp for them: 

oh u know i’m on the lawlight hook for life. it’s really hard to imagine Light having the same intensity of emotion for any other character, even Mikami or Takada, who are both the next in line as canon ppl he’d be good with (Takada is a lesbian/they r in a beard4beard relationship). L and Light just match each other in a way that makes them equal in cruelty, kindness, and cunning. the imbalance of those things is noticeable in other Light ships, and makes them less enjoyable to me.

My brotp for them: 

Light and his sister are always a fun pair, esp. when they’re written like real siblings who both needle at each other and love each other. it’s always always fun to see Light hv to deal with his large roommate Ryuk, who is a sounding board for all of Light’s worst decisions. 

Any other ships: 

like i said b4, Mikami or Takada are interesting and work a little better with Light since they’re both very smart and able to keep up with his thought process better than, say, Misa or Matsuda. not to say i don’t appreciate a good light/matsuda manipulation fic (one might say i’ve written one...). but i like light and mikami bc it explores how Light might act if his need to be obeyed and hv good convo r filled, but his need to be challenged isn’t. altho, lbr...i don’t think Light rlly knows he works best w a challenge...

Their best friend: 

does Light hv a best friend? does he want one? i guess the closest thing is ryuk, maybe, or even Sayu perhaps. i don’t think L was his best friend...L was something else entirely to Light, so i never rlly support or enjoy when ppl write off their relationship as a simple friendship. if ur going to no homo them, at least do something interesting.

My favorite nickname for them: 

oh i just call him Light. not rlly a ton of nicknames for him that aren’t grating lol.

My favorite AU of them: 

i love an AU where Light has to get a non-cop job and deal with the public. untethering him from law enforcement rlly allows for some self reflection on his shitty (at times) attitude since he doesn’t hv the inherent power of the state behind him. i also like AUs where he has a weird creative outlet, like model making, so there’s a place to vent the nerd freak he’s got hidden in his personality. 

My favorite outfit they wear: 

i think this shirt is so stupid and i love it.

Defining color: 

redddddd baybee

Would I date them: 

you know, at first i was like “Ha no fuckin’ way,” but then i thought abt it and i am a sucker for smart Pisces and like...Light’s rlly charming and such. i’m sure i’d date him before eventually getting my heart broken, unfortunately ;___;

First impression: 

loved him so much that 13 yr old me drew Light Yagami p much every day in my notebooks and talked abt how he was the best and all that.

Current impression: 

he’s trans and gay and flawed, but you just don’t have many protagonists written as complexly and well as he is written. i appreciate him much more now from a craft standpoint, and less from a personal and emotional standpoint. still my favorite tho, and i’ll unfollow ppl who complain or shit on him. sorry man. i just like...hv control over my online experience.

Hogwarts House: 

gryffindor. like, literally one of the few other fictional characters who has this big of a black and white moral compass is the big ass gryffindor himself, Harry Potter. 

Which Pokemon starter they’d be:

fuck. uhhhhhh. kirby.

[sparxwrites]

(1/2)i read one of ur posts about dark sexual fic & this confused me: “but something deeply and fundamentally focused on the trauma and violation of that kind of thing is not, for me, sexual (and if what you’re getting off on is the actual nonconsent, rather than the playing at/silly version of nonconsent, i have some questions/concerns. this seems like a weird and not-really-there line, but it’s surprisingly obvious and disconcerting when someone/a fic crosses it tbh).”

(2/2) that does seem like a weird line to me. would you be willing elaborate on what you mean by that?

Okay, so there’s a few points I’m making with that run-on sentence. Admittedly, neither of them are terribly coherent in that form - though I’ve talked about this a little before - so let’s break it down:

1) There are multiple “types” of depictions of rape/non-consent within fiction. Within fandom, these have often been divided along the “rape” vs. “non-con/dub-con” line. Rape is ‘realistic’ depictions of sex without consent, i.e. as a traumatic, deeply awful violation of one person by the other. Non-con, on the other hand, is often designed to titillate - it’s specifically supposed to be hot/sexual, and it’s often about as realistic a depiction of rape as reality tv shows are a realistic depiction off real life. I.e. not at all. It’s playing at non-consent, it’s a fantasy, it’s unrealistic, both parties are enjoying it, there’s no hint of lasting trauma, there’s arousal, it’s hot, it’s about sex as much as it is about power/violence, there’s no lasting consequences, there’s a back button you can click if it gets too much. 

It’s selling you a fantasy of rape, essentially. This is not unproblematic - there’s a lot of concern here about how this stuff feeds into rape myths, or affects people’s perception of rape, or trivialises the experiences of actual rape victims - but it does mean that people who get off to this kind of fic are... not really getting off to depictions of rape (usually, though see point three), in the same way that people who get off to daddy kink aren’t (again, usually) really getting off to the idea of fucking their father, etc. These things can definitely be criticised, and increasingly as I’ve read more writing from a feminist perspective on them, I think they should be criticised even by people who enjoy them, but saying “someone who has a rape fantasy actually wants to rape people/get raped” is (again, usually) laughably and patently untrue.

2) I don’t find rape fic, using the definition of rape provided above, hot. I am interested in writing it, for various reasons related to my interest in writing horror and trauma and extremes of personal circumstance, but if I am reading a fic which is focused on the assault that’s going to cause lasting trauma aspect of things rather than the fantasy aspect, that’s not sexual. That’s a horror/whump/catharsis thing, and that’s where my enjoyment of reading or writing it comes from. (There’s a complicated sort of overlap here, with whump and rape and whether we define whump as sexual, and how we often don’t have language for strong and non-sexual emotions, and how the kind of tension-release that horror and whump and rape fics play with tends to provoke physical responses even if the internal experience of them is not one of arousal... but that’s another post.)

Every person I’ve talked to in fandom space who has non-consent as a kink seems to feel the same way, although they put the cut-off at different points. I’ve never talked to anyone in a fandom space who was like, “What really gets me going is imagining this assault I’m reading about in a fic happening to a real person who doesn’t want it.” There’s always elements of fantasy that are essential to their enjoyment of it - ranging from “both people have to be enjoying it in the fic” to “I imagine myself in the role of the victim and, even though they’re not enjoying it, I am and therefore I’m in control still and it’s only a fantasy of non-consent”. There’s always that disconnect from reality, that bit of power/consent still left with the victim, that persistent element of fantasy play-pretend.

What this means is, non-consent that is not clearly fantasy is an instant turn-off for (most) people with a non-consent kink. For something that is abhorrent irl to be appealing in fiction, for me, it has to be clear that it is fictional. It’s not real, that it’s a ‘play-pretend’ version of the real thing. These are characters. No one is actually getting hurt. With non-con fic, there’s often not really even the pretense that anyone’s getting hurt - it plays out more like a bdsm scene, where both characters are enjoying it (something something rape as a fantasy about not having to ask for the things you want), or where it’s a very... mild, palatable-ized version of what irl is an awful experience.

3) The feelings I talk about in point two, about people enjoying the play-pretend version of non-consent only, are not everyone’s feelings. Some people, when they say they find non-consent hot, do not mean fantasy non-consent or non-consent played out consensually between real people - they mean they find the actual idea of rape hot. They are genuinely aroused by the concept of assaulting someone, watching someone be assaulted, or (more rarely) being assaulted themselves). This is, in my opinion, where the “don’t kinkshame” mantra breaks down. Genuinely being aroused by the thought of an actual living, breathing human being getting raped is evil, and interacting with people who have this kink (who often slip under the radar in spaces that are interested in fantasy non-consent) is a deeply unsettling experience.

It’s the difference between finding something hot specifically because the other person participating it finds it hot, and being genuinely turned off by your partner’s enjoyment. You find this a lot in male fetish spaces - whereas female/afab people tend to, even when playing with non-consent, be deeply repulsed by the idea of doing anything more than ‘play-forcing’ someone into something they actually want, a lot of male ppl in fetish spaces seem genuinely aroused by making someone do something they really, truly don’t want to. That is what’s disconcerting - talking to someone about a play-pretend fantasy, and realising they think it would still be hot if it were real. Realising that, unlike people who enjoy non-consent in fiction, they would be aroused by news reports of an irl sexual assault that had happened.

Or, if you want a metaphor: it’s the same thing as if I (who loves whump but also nearly passed out in sympathetic stress once bc a stranger I didn’t know had dislocated their shoulder and was crying in agony in a hospital waiting room) bumped into someone who was like, “my ultimate dream is to forcibly and non-consensually amputate someone’s leg for realsies because irl pain gets me going, we’re basically into the same thing! :D”. They’re really not the same thing at all, and it’s incredibly unfortunate that both get referred to as “rape kink”, because the motivations there are very, very different, and it shows when you interact with people.

[cainegl]

            welcome  back  angels  ,  tODAY  we’re  gonna  be  truly  shunning  the  psycho  pretty  boy  ,    caine  ,  don’t  show  any  affection  to  him  whatsoever  bc  his  fuckass  doesnt  deserve  it  !  i  probably  won’t  b  around  for  interactions  tonight  but  thats  ok  bc  my  goal  anyways  was  to  get  plots  laid  out  w  everyone  before  i  jumped  into  writing  !  i  love  u  all  genuinely  so  much  and  hopefully  ,  caine’s  satanic  ass  gives  u  a  fun  time  w  hating  him  ,  i  know  i  sure  as  hell  do  :’) 

                            𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒃𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 !

𝖋𝖚𝖑𝖑  𝖓𝖆𝖒𝖊  :   caine  giovanni  bratton 𝖓𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖓𝖆𝖒𝖊𝖘   :   he  mostly  gets  called  by  his  surname  considering  ‘ caine ’  is  rather  un-riffable 𝖇𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖍𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊  /  𝖆𝖌𝖊   :    october 29 , 1996 𝖟𝖔𝖉𝖎𝖆𝖈   :   scorpio 𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖙𝖞  /  𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖓𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖘   :   cismale  identifying  with  he  /  him  /  his 𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓   :   closeted  bisexual  and  biromantic 𝖔𝖈𝖈𝖚𝖕𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓  :   former  leftfielder  for  the  boston  red  sox  ,  now  a  fashion  model  and  ceo  /  chairhead  of  his  own  fashion  brand  supreme 𝖍𝖔𝖌𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘 𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖘𝖊  :   slytherin  𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 𝖎𝖓𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝖇𝖞  :          billy hargrove from stranger things , roman godfrey from hemlock grove ,  kanye west ,  cook from skins , tony  stark   &  erik killmonger from the mcu  ,   patrick bateman from american psycho 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖙𝖘  :            —     machiavellian  ,  brutal  ,   crass   ,  narcisistic  ,   manipulative           +     opportunistic  ,  intuitive  ,  thrives under pressure ,  straightforward  

𝖉 𝖎 𝖘 𝖘 𝖊 𝖗 𝖙 𝖆 𝖙 𝖎 𝖔 𝖓 

        *   born  to  a  hamptons  housewife  and  the  ceo  of  a  major  sports  marketing  firm  ,  the  dark  haired  devil  had  a  rather  unremarkable  upbringing  .  entitled  as  expected  ,  manipulative  and  cunning  ,  caine  knew  what  people  wanted  to  hear  and  was  sure  to  tell  them  in  his  honeyed  lilt  if  it  were  in  his  favor  for  later  exploitation  .  average  in  school  and  below  average  in  looks  for  most  of  his  life  ,  there  was  a  definite  cruelty  doled  out  to  him  throughout  his  experience  in  the  most  prestigious  private  schools  daddy’s  money  could  afford  (  not  that  his  less  than  welcoming  personality  made  things  any  easier  on  himself  .  )  it  was  his  transition  into  sports  ,  particularly  baseball  ,  that  pulled  him  into  the  direction  of  finally  accomplishing  something  other  than  winning  asshole  of  the  year  defacements  under  his  yearbook  picture  .  with  that  ,  caine  found  that  his  hostility  didn’t  have  to  be  negated  ,  but  rather  selective  —  if  the  male  could  pick  and  choose  his  battles  ,  he’d  find  himself  much  further  along  in  his  desires  than  through  brute  force  alone  .

      and  so  ,  with  precision  focus  and  the  bratton  determination  that  becomes  indicative  of  his  brand  ,  he  rebuilds  .  high  school  finds  their  star  fieldsman  as  a  freshman  with  a  newly  regained  understanding  of  how  to  schmooze  people  ,    dripping  magnetism  through  well  timed  smiles  or  pretentious  humble  brags  .  as  if  taken  over  by  a  well-trained  debutante  overnight  ,  caine  found  himself  with  a  newfound  power  over  those  around  him  and  a  faked  charm  that  propelled  him  to  new  hights  ,  and  with  a  level  of  athletic  talent  to  his  name  that  nobody  could  doubt  ,  he  was  easily  gaining  ground  and  recognition  throughout  his  hometown  of  manhattan  .  with  puberty  catapulting  him  through  his  senior  year  ,  caine  bratton’s  photo-ready  grin  and  laser  focus  on  his  goals  at  hand  made  him  something  of  a  pseudo-celebrity  ,  the  first  taste  of  recognition  that  he  quickly  becomes  addicted  to  .  colleges  fight  tooth  and  nail  to  offer  manhattan’s  pretty  boy  slugger  an  offer  he  cant  refuse  ,  eventually  sending  caine  off  to  duke  university  to  become  one  of  the  top  ranked  college  baseball  players  in  the  nation  .  practically  feeding  off  the  chaos  of  his  newfound  lifestyle  ,  he  thrives  at  the  party  school  and  cements  his  name  into  nearly  every  east  coast  household  —  building  a  following  of  both  sports  fans  and  general  thirst  follows  alike  .  

      obsessed  with  his  father’s  opinion  ,  caine  heeds  his  word  with  furthering  his  brand  and  takes  on  carefully  selected  sponsors  ,  always  ensuring  they’re  for  modeling  gigs  that  won’t  jeopardize  his  student  athlete  contract  .  he  graduates  early  (  thanks  to  a  particularly  notable  set  of  “  tutors  “  his  dad  hired  )  with  a  business  degree  and  as  first  pick  for  the  MLB  draft  that  following  june  .  after  a  stellar  year  pushing  the  minnesota  twins  out  of  the  bottom  of  their  league  rankings  ,  caine  gets  signed  to  the  boston  red  sox  with  one  of  the  most  expensive  fieldsman  contracts  in  history  .  modeling  gigs  and  sponsorships  flood  the  20  year  old  with  a  force  even  he  couldn’t  have  expected  ,  fueling  the  narcissism  years  in  the  making  .  he’s  well  liked  by  the  media—    a  man’s  man  ,  charming  ,  arrogant  but  within  reason  ,  knowing  the  exact  line  to  drop  for  the  exact  reaction  he  wants  .  caine  spends  the  next  two  seasons  with  the  world  exactly  where  he  wants  them  ,  manipulating  his  way  into  and  our  of  every  situation  his  heart  could  desire  .

      one  thing  he  can’t  control  is  a  devastating  complete  tear  of  his  rotator  cuff  during  a  particularly  high  pressure  world  series  game  ,  one  that  completely  shatters  his  chances  of  finishing  the  season  and  just  about  decimates  the  rest  of  his  career  .  the  surgeries  are  GRUELING  and  the  rehabilitation  is  even  worse  ,  leaving  caine  with  far  too  much  free  time  on  his  hands  and  increasingly  nasty  cracks  his  perfect  pretty  boy  facade  .  a  bittersweet  highlight  of  the  year  ,  conflicting  for  a  multitude  of  reasons  ,  is  the  revelation  from  an  on-and-off  fling  of  his  that  caine  is  to  become  a  father  ,  sending  much  of  the  world  (  including  himself  )  into  a  shock  .  expectant  on  the  arrival  of  his  daughter  ,  left  without  a  clear  career  trajectory  ,  caine  finds  himself  spiraling  into  what  becomes  his  black  hole  ,  ultimately  culminating  in  him  beating  the  shit  out  of  some  random  drunk  guy  on  the  street  trying  to  get  a  rise  out  of  him  and  landing  him  with  a  civil  case  .  while  the  charges  were  ultimately  dropped  ,  the  former  golden  boy  was  undoubtedly  in  shreds  ,  attracting  all  the  wrong  attention  ,  chasing  destruction  wherever  it  offered  itself  —  and  thus  ,  piquing  the  interest  of  one  papa  legba  .

      caine’s  predisposition  for  destruction  and  chaos  ,  satanic  in  the  closest  sense  of  the  word  with  a  perfect  photo-op  smile  ,  made  him  a  champion  for  the  causes  papa  legba  piloted  .  the  demon  king  found  itself  with  a  harbinger  of  sorts  ,  a  machiavelli-reincarnate  who  was  beginning  to  attract  the  worst  of  the  celebrity  sphere  into  his  circle  .  it  wasn’t  difficult  to  recruit  caine  into  his  unsavory  doings  ,  repairing  his  shoulder  with  a  ‘  groundbreaking  new  muscle  regeneration  therapy  ,  ‘  but  rather  than  allow  him  to  rest  on  his  laurels  in  the  mlb  ,  he  offers  caine  a  proposition  .  ‘  why  set  your  sights  on  the  horizon  ,  when  the  whole  damn  world  could  be  yours  ?  ‘  and  with  that  ,  his  new  cherub  kaia  toted  in  the  crook  of  his  former  bad  arm  ,  supreme  drops  after  months  of  hype  and  launches  caine  bratton  from  baseball  tragedy  to  fashion  empire  mogul  .  ever  leaning  into  his  newfound  infamy  due  to  his  increasingly  volatile  outbursts  ,  his  brand  is  building  speed  at  unfathomable  rates  ,  with  his  brain  at  the  helm  and  papa  legba’s  influence  behind  it  ,  and  caine  is  relishing  in  the  new  world  he’s  creating  for  himself  —  regardless  of  the  price  .

𝖉 𝖎 𝖘 𝖘 𝖊 𝖈 𝖙 𝖎 𝖔 𝖓  

           icb  u  made  it  this  far  and  if  u  did  so  without  skimming  ?  u  a  real  one  😩✊🏽  sksksk  so  real  TALK  ,  caine  is  the  literal  worst  so  pls  dont  hesitate  to  make  him  the  villain  in  any  plot  u  so  desire  .  he’s  intelligent  but  not  to  an  excess  ,  but  is  incredibly  business  savvy  ,  knowing  an  opportunity  when  he  sees  one  and  fucking  POUNCING  on  it  .  this  plays  off  his  INCREDIBLE  fucking  manipulation  skills  ,  the  man  will  see  an  in  and  exploit  it  to  no  end  in  a  way  thats  ?  equal  parts  terrifying  and  lowkey  impressive  ?  side  note  he  takes  everything  seriously  ,  esp  himself  and  his  daughter  ,  and  isn’t  abt  to  let  any  idiot  drive  his  empire  into  the  ground  .  the  man  is  genuinely  convinced  he  can  take  over  the  world  at  this  point  ,  w  papa  legba  fueling  his  lil  psycho  ass  ,  and  is  gonna  probably  stop  at  nothing  until  he’s  reached  his  peak  .  he’s  destructive  and  has  absolutely  caused  a  fourth  his  staff  to  quit  with  his  office  meltdowns  where  he  goes  the  FUCK  off  but  ppl  can’t  say  he  doesn’t  have  an  incredible  vision  and  a  cutthroat  determination  to  accomplish  it  .  he’s  in  that  weird  sweet  spot  where  he’s  obnoxious  and  arrogant  as  shit  bc  he  knows  he’s  a  big  ole  successful  pretty  boy  that  ppl  want  to  please  but  he  also  has  that  classic  ‘  i  grew  up  rich  ‘  disposition  that  means  he  knows  when  to  fake  it  ?  (  on  that  note  ,  he’d  make  a  PHENOMENAL  fake  bf  👀  for  the  clout  )    also  an  awful  boyfriend  ,  has  prob  cheated  on  every  person  he’s  ever  dated  and  def  cheated  on  his  baby  mama  but  makes  it  a  point  to  be  an  incredible  dad  to  his  kid  bc  she’s  the  only  tie  to  his  humanity  /  soft  side  he  really  lets  influence  him  .  his  defining  features  are  his  absolute  narcissism  and  volatile  desire  to  be  the  absolute  best  at  what  he  does  ,  as  well  as  a  laser  focus  that  doubles  as  one  of  his  greatest  points  of  admiration  .   he’s  ABSOLUTELY  a  tool  but  to  his  credit  he  can  be  deeply  intimidating  ,  i  imagine  he’s  one  of  those  guys  with  just  incredibly  strong  eye  contact  to  the  point  it  freaks  ppl  out  and  that  reaction  always  makes  him  LAUGH  .

      hc’s :  ultimate  peak  caine  look  is  a  supreme  t  shirt  under  a  black  leather  jacket  n  some  saint  laurent  chelsea  boots  PHEW  ,  he  wears  sunglasses  inside  w  out  hesitating  ,  thinks  kaia  is  a  ~superbaby~  and  is  NOT  afraid  to  tell  u  how  much  fucking  smarter  she  is  than  ‘  normal  babies  ,  ‘  he  has  a  sponsorship  w  a  fucking  bougie  expensive  ass  teeth  whitening  brand  and  they’ve  insured  his  smile  for  an  UNREASONABLE  sum  of  money  ,  a  big  mood  for  him  w  how  busy  he  is  would  b  a  hurried  hookup  in  the  back  seat  of  his  limo  with  led  zeppelin  blasting  over  the  speakers  , his  office  has  one  of  those  balcony  golf  sets  except  its  full  golf  and  not  mini  putt  so  his  ass  will  get  PISSED  and  just  .  shoot  fucking  golf  balls  off  the  side  of  the  building  not  caring  who’s  car  they  dent  two  blocks  away  SKSKKSKS

𝖉 𝖊 𝖘 𝖎 𝖗 𝖊 𝖘

UM  quick  plots  ,  basically  im  heavily  searching  for  the  mother  to  his  child ,  kaia  who  would  be  about  a  year  and  a  half  rn  ,  i  wanted  them  to  have  an  incredibly  tumultuous  back  and  forth  relationship  bc  lbr  caine  is  not  a  great  person  but  he  is  a  spectacular  dad  so  it’s  a  catch-22  for  anyone  involved  skskkss

also  looking  for  his  “  in  my  head  “  by  ari  type  ex  ?  i  did  not  name  this  mans  CAINE  for  nothing  cmon  now  kids

i  would  fucking  LOVE  more  than  anything  to  have  ppl  who  work  with  him  in  any  extent  ?  it  could  be  models  who  rep  the  brand  and  he  flirts  incessantly  with  ,  it  could  be  influencers  who  have  a  partnership  w  him  and  see  his  business  side  ,  it  could  be  people  w  ambition  who  work  for  his  company  and  see  his  NASTY  side  but  pls  ,  supreme  inc  is  open  to  any  and  everything  .  

chaos  squad  ,  hookups  ,  party  friends  ,  athletic  rivals  ,  ride  or  dies  ,  ppl  who  SOMEHOW  tolerate  him  ,  ppl  who  proudly  do  not  tolerate  him  at  all  ,  maybe  even  the  dude  he  punched  in  the  street  that  one  time  ?  also  cousins  ,  childhood  friends  ,  on  and  offs  ,  HELLA  exes  ,  ppl  he  torments  ,  close  as  siblings  relationships  ,  maybe  someone  he’s  kinda  soft  for  but  will  never  admit  ?  

[terriblygrimm]

This may be a personal question, but if a television show were to represent a character as asexual, how would you want them to so? like in terms of stereotypes to avoid and handling it all respectively.

hey thank you for this :) it’s not a personal question i’m happy to answer!!

short answer: no matter what age the character would be, i’d just want someone to write a character, that’s it. the original character they had in mind- but make them ace. it shouldn’t be defining in any way, but aces just don’t dig people like that. just a normal element of a person’s life like anything else.

long answer: while asexuals can literally be anyone, i’d like for them to avoid the sterotypes of the “quiet, awkward, self conscious shy kid”. because i feel like people already #1, think asexuality is a phase, and #2 if they believe in it, associate it with people who don’t act like most people, or that aces are ppl afraid of intimacy. i just wouldn’t want them to perpetuate some kind of already ingrained idea of an “~outsider”. (not to invalidate any aces that are ace & have experienced trauma, but general audiences have the total IQ of a spork).

i’m not sure if you’ve seen shadowhunters but raphael santiago is an asexual vampire. and while it’s a supernatural show and he was a side character, they handled it with grace. he told his love interest he’s just not interested in sex and that he’s always been that way. she was fine with it and the story moved on! lol. he had his own character & it didn’t revolve around his sexuality, he was just simply part of the story with his part to play.

that’s how i’d want it handled tbh. asexuals are just regular ppl but we’re not sexually attracted to any gender. we want romance, playfulness, the whole shebang (unless you’re aromantic, but we’re strictly talking ace rn). i personally love romance - as in the idea of having a partner. the connection and all that entails. i like the warm fuzzies, i like cuddling, i like getting gifts and holding hands. but i’m not one for dating culture or fakeness, so you can see the hardship. in my experience with being ace, you’re basically someone looking at an ant hill. looking at all of these sex obsessed little ants weaving in and out of relationships, talking about sex, the media peddling sex, ppl talking as if sex is the endgame, constantly hearing shit like ‘how many ppl have you slept with?’ ‘i’d fuck him!’ ‘so and so is so hot’- just completely saturated with sex everywhere in every conversation and you’re just standing there like hm interesting. that’s the best way i can describe it lol. EVEN MY DOCTOR when i was a teenager told me i should “really get on that” when i told her i wasn’t sexually active. so.

i’ve known i’ve been ace since high school. i didn’t know the word for it until my 20s, which made me feel like i was on the outskirts, but it NEVER made me feel bad or self-conscious (i know i’m prob in the minority with that) but i never felt i was ~weird, just different. all my friends would talk about their crushes, who they found “hot” and they’d ask me what my “type” was and i’d honestly make things up lol. because i didn’t have one but i didn’t know what to say because i didn’t know this sexuality existed.

so point is, if they were to make a high school ace, or a coming of age ace- i’d just want it to be a typical kid who couldn’t relate to a sex obsessed world. who didn’t have those weird sexual phases in high school of wanting to hook up with ppl, and who didn’t have pictures of hot actors in their locker. but who also didn’t mind getting off or watching porn, or having a signficant other and experiencing nice things.

think loosely of a jughead jones a la s1 of riverdale. the first few eps. i FELT jughead. he gave off SUCH STRONG ace vibes. i was over the moon with his characterization before they ruined it, did a 180 and made him a boring hetero (and i stopped watching immediately bc aroace erasure can suck a fat one). but jughead was snarky, he was SMART, he could see things as they were, he was an introvert but wasn’t ashamed of it and had a best friend on the football team. just a regular kid who rolled his eyes at all of archie’s relationship problems lol. had no problem connecting to people but he just didn’t want to. & even before they turned him into a trainwreck, he felt shy around betty, wanted a fist kiss, etc. which are all things that i went through as well. the shyness, the crushes, the awkward first kisses, etc just like any other teen.

as an adult, i’m a sex-neutral ace that enjoys sex occasionally and getting off for stress relief and emotional relief. but do i ever want to have sex because of the OTHER PERSON’S PHYSICALITY? no. literally not once in my life. i’m not sexually attracted to people like that. i can find ppl hot, aesthetically appealing, but do i want them? no.

sorry for the tmi, but sexual experiences are important to address when talking about asexuality and discovering who you are in relation to it. it’s a spectrum and everybody’s different so the tldr version is essentially make them a REGULAR fully fledged character, just ace.