#bc im like realistically? he would probably say nothing here LOL

[aurumalatus]

Anons being rude is just.. not it >:( If they don't like seeing you or whatever you make, they should just block!! Simple. But. More importantly, I am here to say that I really adore your writing!! I'm not very interested in romance, even in fiction, and you managed to make me giggle and kick my legs like a high schooler!!!! (It's all abt the yearning I love it when I see characters yearn and do nothing about it)

Your dialogue specifically makes me go insane. (In a good way of course) A big problem I had (both past and present) while browsing fics for either Xiao or Kinich is that I couldn't find many with dialogue I could reasonably conclude 'yeah they would say that' But you?? Banger line after banger line. I CAN HEAR THEIR VOICES WHEN I READ YOUR STUFF!!! It makes me so genuinely happy :]]

Anyways! The things you've written so far are so up my alley, so thank you for writing and posting them!!! Angst with no happy ending.. Mutual pining... Shit so good it's in a frame. Hopefully the anon stuff stops soon <3! Really looking forward to seeing whatever you write next :]

hello hello anon!!! first of all thank u for this ask!!! i love reading everyones thoughts esp when theyre long and detailed hahaha

im glad u enjoy my dialogue too! for the characters u mentioned specifically, i think its rlly rlly hard bc canonically those two like …. just dont talk very much LOL. but no talking makes it hard to drive a fic sometimes so u gotta force it which can be rlly difficult… even i sometimes am like fuck it we r just gonna go on vibes LOL

thank u so much for reading!! i hope u enjoy my future writing as well

[nerice]

chensoman anime is so overproduced....

[kurokens]

In The Middle | Satosugu

anime/manga: jujutsu kaisen

character: gojo satoru & geto suguru

words: 798

pronouns: they/them

request: none

notes: probably an overused prompt but idc sue me, i needed to write one of my own. im a sucker for misunderstanding. i haven't written anything in such a long time, it's been a while im sorry, satosugu have been on my mind for a while, and i needed to write something with them because i love them so fucking much. it's gonna be a series, so hopefully i dont disappear after one part lol... later on it might be specific on some insecurities bc i need it and i thought well let's just share it with the world and other who might need it. sorry for any mistakes T-T

not proof read

song rec: SHE'S - In The Middle

genre: hurt comfort, fluff, slowburn, a little bit angsty, poly?

warnings: bad english not my first language, satosugu are in a loving relationship, misunderstanding, pinning, a lot of pinning on satosugu's end, reader is so oblivious (is that the right one?), insecure and self conscious reader

You've always told yourself you weren't the type to live with anyone, you liked your quiet and your peace. Alone in your little bubble, without a soul to disturb it. And yet, here you were awoken by your roomates lover quarrel in the room next door, for the hundredth time this week.

"Don't you love me anymore? Am I not enough for you?" a whiny voice whisper-screamed "Satoru, my love, it was a dream, it was all in your head." an exhausted voice replied

"So what?? It doesn't mean anything? Are my feelings not valid?" Gojo huffed.

"How are you so dramatic so early in the morning? Let's go back to sleep come here.", Geto carefully lifted the blanket so his boyfriend could go back exactly where he belonged, asleep and quiet in his arms.

Such occurences weren't new to you, you could even say there were your daily life, that's why you laughed hearing the bickering couple, and turned around in your bed to try and fall back asleep while their muffled voices could still be heard in the background. This was without counting on what part of their conversation your brain decided to pick up on next. "I dont know for how much longer I can do this Sugu.." Satoru sighed. "Me neither love, but there is nothing much we can do about it.They live with us." His black haired lover replied. "I know, ugh I know, but it's getting so much harder everyday. Seeing them is becoming unbearable. I can't stand it anymore, we need to do something." He went on. "Shh, I know, I feel the same. But we can't just drop this on them all of the sudden and expect it to go well." The oldest reasoned.

Your heart shattered on the other side of the wall, now sitting against the headboard, an unstoppable flow of tears falling down your face. You were a bother? You thought the three of you were friends, shit, scratch that, best friends. And yet, yet, this was how they felt about you. Fuck fuck FUCK You needed to calm down, it's okay, you're okay. It must have been a nightmare, yeah that's right, a nightmare. Your brain loved playing tricks on you, waking you up in the middle of the night with the most vivid and realistic nightmares ever, enough to send you into full blown meltdown. Nothing to worry about, it was just a nightmare, nothing else. That's what you told yourself and yet when you woke up you couldnt shake this weird feeling in your stomach. You contemplated staying in your bed all day and avoid your roomates but that would be silly to ignore them for something that was potentially just a dream. So you shook the silly feelings away and got out of your bed, made your way to the kitchen to make some breakfast. Your two roommates were already there, being lovey dovey in each others lap and the weird feeling made its way back into your stomach. "Hi there." You greeted tiredly, only to be met with an echo of short hms, and not even a nod to accompany the cold greeting. The lack of acknowledgment not helping with your already overthinking mind, you decided to take a quick breakfast and just leave them be. It could just be a coincidence, nothing to worry about haha, right? Or so you thought, because you were back in your room mindlessly scrolling through tik tok when you once again hear the muffled voices of your roommates. Your brain screamed at you to put your headphones on and drown out their conversation, but you couldn't get yourself to do it, and you decided to listen to them, to at least finally be able to know whether or not you dreamed what happened last night. And maybe you shouldn't have, but what else could you do now but listen to the cruel words of the ones you once considered your best friends. "Suguru, we need to do it soon. I can't even handle looking at them in the eyes anymore, let alone utter a word to them. We can't keep going like this." Satoru complained. "I know 'Toru, I know, but you need to understand it's not as easy as you think it is." You heard the black haired man answer. And it was enough for you, you needed to get out of there. You obviously were no longer welcomed here, and the sooner you left, the better it would be, for both parties. So inbetween tears you picked up a bag and threw some spare clothes and anything that you could think of in your frenzy state before you ran out of there, determined to never come back, at least not for a while.

here u gooo!! sorry i've been away for a while, i've been finding it hard to write and staying focused, but i missed it so much, especially for these two. i'll try not to take too long to write AT LEAST a second part, but would love to do more than this bc i want it to be extremely slown burn and a little bit angsty krkrkr

part 2 is here!!

[vivisols]

digital circus 👀👀 any theories?

I HAVE SO MANY...

specifically about this shot... this shot has a lot to me!

we get this shot of the spinning objects during the "day after day" part of the intro

theres a teapot, old record player/gramophone/whatEVER its called, flower pot (which we see start clipping through the stage), an eye, a pure white sphere and a pyramid!

maybe im reaching but i think these items represent each of the cast.. how so you may ask? WELL! (under the cut)

the eye is clearly caines since hes the ONLY guy in the show to have green eyes. also he has hundreds of all seeing eyes (as he himself said) so thats obvious. and yeah the other objects representing the other cast seems a little far fetched but it makes sense to MEE….

as for the teapot... we see those EXACT teapots during the trip both to and back from the funny dev room. now tech wise the teapot actually has a bit of history LMAO.. the teapot model is known as the utah teapot and is one of the first ever models created using bezier curves! it was made in 1975 and is typically considered a test model for rendering/testing how lighting reacts to complex curved models the only character we EVER see interact with the teapots/get tied to the teapots is pomni. so i think its safe to say the utah teapot is representing pomni! ALSO. CAINES EYE IS INTENTLY FOCUSED ON IT. could be because she's causing a whole bunch of glitches in the system…

the gramophone is interesting especially to me. i mean its REALLY detailed. like that would be polygons GALORE. unlike the utah teapot. all the promo for the vinyl record they sell has caine using a normal record player and NOT a gramophone so… its not caines! now whose would it be? im gonna go out on a limb and say its kingers. IT MAKES SENSE TO ME OK. kinger has been in the circus the longest and the other items in the circle are a LOT simpler. like a LOT a lot. it makes me think that as time goes on the computers strength/power is deteriorating which is evident by all the glitches/collision issues in both the pilot/episode 2.

ALSO IN THE TEASER WE SAW FOR THE EPISODE WHERE KINGER HAS A SHOTGUN HE'S IN A DARK ROOM WITH DIM GREEN LIGHTING

WHICH WE ONLY SEE AGAIN FOR THE TAPE RECORDER THING

AND IT KIND OF HAS A CONNECTION WITH RETRO TECHNOLOGY??? man idk LMAO this is probably the most straw grasping ive ever done. like theyre probably not in the same episode if im being realistic….

the gramophone could also be gangles object bc gangle is like. comedy and tragedy mask. and something something theater music gramophone i DONT KNOW ☠️

the flower pot is probably ragathas. she has the most blue on her after all + shes pretty sweet. now thats a very surface level connection BUT WE HAVENT EXACTLY SEEN IT AGAIN YET so… nothing else i can add really…. im trying ok LOL

now the pyramid is obviously representing zooble. i mean. they have triangle head… and pyramid is triangle….. IN THEIR ROOM TEASER WITH THEIR PIN THEY LITERALLY HAVE ONE...

ALSO THE PYRAMID IS ONLY OTHER GREEN THING BESIDES LEAVES OF THE FLOWER POT AND CAINES EYE. AND ZOOBLE IS THE ONLY CHARACTER TO HAVE ANY SORT OF GREEN ON THEM. even if it's more cyan/teal…. listen i can hope 😭😭😭😭

now the white ball is ESPECIALLY INTERESTING TO ME. BECAUSE ITS SO NONDESCRIPT. it could be gangle OR jax or even kinger if i misattributed the gramophone…. personally i think its gangles because her masks are #fffff white like the ball is…

and what if i went feral and said this was fuel for the "one of them is an NPC" theory…. BC LIKE. WHOEVER THE WHITE SPHERE IS. WOULD BE A REAL PERSON. WHILE WHOEVER DOESNT HAVE AN OBJECT IS THE NPC. NOT TO MENTION THE LAST SUPPER IMAGERY AT THE END OF THE PILOT.

and yeah nothing here really represents jax that i can think of though maybe it will more obvious in later episodes... soooo YEAH shoutout to the "jax is an NPC" theorists.

honestly whats most likely is that everyone has an object except for pomni because she just got there LMAO 🤕 i mean caine doesnt acknowledge her arrival until AFTER she fucks up the intro….

not to mention that kaufmo had been abstracted presumably the WHOLE day and wasnt in the intro so maybe his object wasnt there because he wasnt there… yeah this whole shot probably means nothing and im just yapping about nothing xDDD

[riddlerosehearts]

HELLO it is the idia anon from like almost two months ago i think. idk if u remember bt i only just saw your response post bc i lowk forget i have tumblr sometimes (adhd so its out of sight out of mind). tbh i completely forgot about my own ask and i was scrolling thru the idiavil tag yet again when i saw your post and i was like "wow, me too anon." and then i realized it was me. IM TYPING THIS IN AN IDIA SHROUD JACKET BTW THE FIXATION HAS CONSUMEDME. i think abt twst so much. I HOPE U DO NOT MIND ME RAMBLING I WAS GOING TO GET TO AN ACTUALLY IMPORTANT THING.

I LOVED READING YORU HEADCANONS THEY GIVE ME LIFE. i have a tonn of idiavil hcs and au ideas but ive not rlly written any of them (band au that im mega obsessed with is collecting dust in my notes app. i just can't form coherent thoughts). i could soend hours talkign abt idiavil I LUOVE THEM.

ur mention of xenoblade chronicles and kingdom hearts rlly makes me want to play both of them... i know a bit about kh and i want to play it but i know nothing abt xenoblade chronicles... ANYWAYS THANK U FOR THE LOST. I THINK I MIGHTHAVE UNDIAGNOSED AUTISM o(≧▽≦)o

oh i do remember you!! i wish i could forget i had tumblr sometimes LOL, instead i'm way too active on here and keep making myself so busy with different creative projects on my blogs that i'll never have time to post everything i'd like to post. i love when people ramble in my inbox though so no worries!!

omg if you ever post any headcanons or fic about that band AU i would love to see 👀 i have so many ideas that i never do anything with because i'm not much of a writer but i too could talk about idiavil and my other twst ships for hours so i totally get that lol. here's another bonus idiavil HC for you: idia feels really embarrassed about saying affectionate things face to face so he sends vil cute texts disguised as game notifications. things like "congratulations! you've reached max affection with idia! ❤". he also sends vil love letters with roses attached... in animal crossing. and then he secretly hopes vil never finds the time to open up his game and read them because he thinks he might die of embarrassment, but unfortunately for him, vil does read them and he sends a letter back every single time.

and okay so. iirc i made a kingdom hearts reference in that post but just mentioned xenoblade in the tags because it's so much less popular/recognizable. but i was originally going to make a reference to xenoblade chronicles 1. i love the whole series and if you like lengthy JRPGs with unique combat and wild stories then you'd probably love it too! but i feel like idia would love XC1 in particular because a major theme of that game's story is that it's about fighting for the freedom to choose your own future. it's about spending your life feeling like you're powerless to change anything, and then allowing yourself to see that that isn't true--that if you keep looking forward and choose not to give up, you can create a world where you can shape your own destiny. you can go the distance. i think it's a story that would really resonate with idia. now, do i think he would see these themes as being applicable to his own life in a realistic way? absolutely not lol, at least not before the events of book 6, but he'd love the fantasy of it. he'd also relate to shulk--the main protagonist of the game--partly for spoilery reasons and partly because shulk is a fucking nerd who resents having to go outside and would rather spend all day in his research lab working with machines. and now i've rambled on about a game you haven't played lol, but if it isn't obvious by now i highly recommend it! and kingdom hearts is my favorite game series of all time so i highly recommend it as well. fun fact: idia's voice actor, kouki uchiyama, also voices roxas in the japanese version of KH!

[sugar-omi]

I would say how fast the forgiveness went is my biggest critique with Baxter's DLC, but considering it is already the longest and the time crunch, I can also kind of see why it is that way. How would you have lengthened the angst before the forgiveness finally came?

yeah same!! i totally get why its the way it is and i dont think its bad at all, but i do think there's more avoidance and then sudden hashing out n forgiveness. also i think the difference is MC has 5 years to get over baxter, while we have 5 minutes more or less to make the decision so i think thats what makes forgiveness, sudden.

but to answer your question!!!

honestly i think i'd just make it longer n add some more options for those who hold grudges like me lol or just wanna snap on baxter bc i feel like mc never had a chance to really tell baxter how much it hurt. and for the most part baxter kept brushing it off whenever MC tried having a conversation.

although it does make sense cause of the wedding, and thus i'd have it play out more near the end/after the wedding bc i think that took a lot away from the problem, although it did help bring mc + baxter together which i think is a cute trope n i enjoyed it BUT ANYWAY

i think i would totally revamp the scene where mc confronts baxter and in the end it comes to nothing and he's like "im sorry, i can't give you what you want." or "its me, not you" basically

instead i would have a scene, probably before the wedding/baking the cake where MC snaps at baxter.

yelling at him, or at least ranting about how hurt they were. and maybe it ends in tears on your end

or talking about how they felt, and they start crying and ranting about how they felt, how they felt abandoned, etc.

overall i think it definitely ends with baxter hugging you (if you want it) or at least him holding your hands and he's on his knees in front of you, telling you how sorry he is and reassuring you that he wouldn't do it again

because thats one thing i think is iffy about the dlc, realistically you'd be afraid of baxter leaving again but instead its more you reassuring him that you won't leave him and that you want him. but i really wanted that reassurance instead, especially after a conversation on how he left

i would definitely have a option where MC ignores or acts more coldly with baxter, like a silent anger, and would try to not to be around baxter.

and baxter wouldn't talk too much about their moments together- at least if MC is around, but when he did the MC would get upset about it and maybe even walk off or just roll their eyes and go "that was in the past. forget about it"

just MC would be very distant and baxter would chase the MC instead, beg them to talk to him

and maybe baxter catches MC after a session with jude & scott, and he runs up to them, catching them by the wrist/hand

and MC: snatches their hand away, tenses up but doesnt pull away, doesnt pull away from shock/they dont really want to pull away...

and baxter starts going on about why he did it, he doesn't excuse it, he's just trying to explain but hes in front of you as if he didn't tear you apart half a decade ago and you snap at him.

you yell/raise your voice about how he left, how he shut you down when you asked to keep contacting, and now he's here and wants to act like it never happened but you cant do that.

you snap, ranting but keeping your voice even as you tell him how he left and how you had to pick yourself back up. about how he left so cruelly and now he wants to act like it's okay but its not.

you cry, telling him how you can't act like things are okay because you spent a long time trying to get over him. and maybe it worked, maybe it didn't, but either way it hurts.

at the end, you tell him you still love him but you can't go through this twice, that you can't trust him to not hurt you like that. that you love him but you need more than what he's doing.

and he apologizes, asks for a chance to make it up to you. to help you trust him again to which you agree.

basically i just would have a deeper confrontation and less avoidance, less wedding, and a more irritable/distant MC

[funkii-fox]

I send you Keicho!! (was mostly curious about the AU question lol)

Au: he LIVES and gets his life together. i wish we at least saw more of him. I also saw someone on pixiv who made Keicho as a ghost and he still lives with Yasu, except Yasu can’t see him and he can’t see Yasu. I think that would be rlly bittersweet. Like his big bro is still here but you can’t interact with him directly.

Otp & Brotp: no one. Realistically, hes a loner. The only reason Okuyasu spends anytime with him is because thats his blood brother. Hes probably rude to everyone tbh. Also im just not much of a shipper anyway.

But if i had to say something probably Akira for otp they’re both faggots in opposite ways. and Hazamada for brotp; hes rlly the only person that stays around

Other ships: akikei, yukakei, yasukei, josukei, idk

Bestie: the hair on his balls. Or maybe he talks to his little Bad Company guys. Since they’re literally a part of him, they have no choice but to agree. They’re so easy to control, if only Okuyasu was like that.

Favorite nickname: cutie patootie (he would punch me if i called him that)

Favorite outfit: camouflage tank top. He likes showing his muscles and how military aesthetic he is (hes never been in the military). Black sweatpants too

Defining color: green & yellow. Pretty blonde hair and pretty green eyes

Would I date them: in actuality? No absolutely not. Reminds me of my dad ngl. But in fiction? Ofc 🤤🤤🤤

First impression: i hated him so much bruh. Just overall an asshole smh. ISTG i thought he was forcing Okuyasu to be his brother, or that it was an honorific (fun fact: Pesci and Prosciutto aren’t blood brothers so i wasnt far off). It wasn’t even bc they look nothing alike; it was how controlling Keicho was.

Current impression: i like his more nuanced character. You see himthe first time and like “gah what a jerk” but then you reqatch his episode a couple thousand times and you pick up on the subtle nuances. It gets you thinking. Sad how araki dropped such a backstory and said “thats all you get”

[misterbitches]

I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

[varusai]

who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it

sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u

Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.

Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.

cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun

this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.

i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.

0/10 completely undateable

Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:

pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,

cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention

this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.

im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.

it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao

so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D

Groribas, my fav girl:

pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever

cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy

overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me

Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:

pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you

cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy

this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability

some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Hello how r u !! I wanted to share my sadness concerning 2 points : how u excuse yourself each time u answer bc u werent quick enough is the first one :'l please dont be sorry its ur blog and its already super cool u make the fandom live by answering deep analyses, u dont own us a quick answer ! So take ur time to answer this ask if u want to lol, its been like 1 year im stalking ur blog im probably be there 1 more year at least lol 1/?

Hello, anon!

Even though I kind of talked about the things you were wondering I still wanted to get back to you. If for nothing else than to thank you for the lovely first part of your message.

“how u excuse yourself each time u answer bc u werent quick enough”

First of all, I’m so happy to hear you’ve liked my mullings! I’m glad I have managed to contribute to the fandom in a way people find interesting and enjoyable. Analyzing and writing is pretty much the only thing I feel like I’m not that bad at, so it’s nice to know my content has reached my fellow fans.

I’ve noticed I tend to apologize for my tardiness a lot. I don’t know if it’s needed or expected but I always feel like saying something if answering has taken me a week or longer. I’m not sure how quickly people are expecting me to write these things. But perhaps I should change my thinking about that and start treating this like any other writing that can take some time.

Either way, thank you for your concern and reassurance! 

“the second point is he tian in the update”

As you mentioned, I somewhat answered the topics you were wondering about in my previous ask about the latest chapter:

Tianshan and asking questions

Here are some other posts that are related to this:

Will MGS’s attitude towards HT ever change?

Will MGS’s attitude towards HT ever change, vol. 2?

Will there ever be a Tianshan confession?

Snippets about what I hope for the future

I don’t know if you have already checked those out but I thought I would list them anyway if someone is interested.

I have been a bit surprised by how many people are somewhat hoping/expecting MGS to ask about how HT feels about him. Or something along those lines - about their relationship in general. I’m not trying to make this sound like I think people wondering about that are somehow “wrong”. As long as you can base your interpretation on the source text, I think every reading has its place in the conversation. All I’m saying is that it’s quite different from how I saw that chapter and how it could continue - if it’s going to be continued at all.

You talked about MGS being true to his tsundere side but wondered why make HT say those things about asking questions at all if we already know he’s going to be “slapped in the face” in a way. The way I see it, though, is that kind of persistent and pushy behavior is also very much in character for HT. He doesn’t really care how many times MGS rejects him or pushes him away. If there are going to be suggestions that lead their relationship to develop, I would expect them to come from HT in 9/10 cases. And most probably all of them would be resisted by annoyed MGS. But they still manage to make progress through the cracks, and I still believe that whatever feelings they keep gaining for each other are genuine. Even in MGS’s case.

It should also be noted that MGS’s spicy tsundere nature is what HT likes about him (among other things). It’s one of the things he admires in MGS and doesn’t want him to lose. Not giving in and standing up to HT is partly what makes MGS respectable in HT’s eyes. I don’t think he was really expecting MGS to agree to his suggestion about asking him about things. Nor do I think he was that disheartened by MGS shutting him down. If HT really wants to make this happen, he will keep at it or find another way.

But I do get your point about worrying about how this all makes HT feel. It must take a lot of confidence and determination to not be disheartened by MGS’s resistance. I think there have been a couple of times when the rejection has gotten to HT in one way or another (ch. 175, 297, 309):

I would say we have seen glimpses of HT’s confidence wavering. Despite knowing that he’s pushing MGS, he doesn’t want him to reject him for real and abandon him. To be honest, I would be interested in seeing something like that more from HT. And perhaps more importantly, I would love to see MGS’s reaction to HT showing insecurity. Something like that would make HT’s character and their relationship more realistic in my eyes.

But it’s a delicate balance to thread so that it won’t come across as either of them being out of character.

It seems I still found some things to say. Thank you for your question and lovely words, dear anon!

[swearronchanel]

9.01

Ok it took forever to find a working link here we go

1965..

- Omg the ceiling falling on her during labor gtfo

- “Where do we begin? What marks the start of any new adventure?” Tell me, Mature Jenny

- I’m so emo ugh a year ago today (well tomorrow) I moved to London for the semester 😭 I miss it so much..

- THE BEACH BOYS😍 hell yea the tunes

- I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLLLLLSSSS

- Love Trixie’s robe, I need one

- Here’s her damn electric shaver 😂

- RIP Churchill, except not really bc you know racist, eugenist, etc😂

- You tell em Patrick! He sucks

- The turners now have a cohort of children and now rabbits lmaoo

- Tim’s been sent to boarding school, see ya never bro

- ANGELA SPOKE ?! HOLD THE FREAKING PHONE ITS ONLY BEEN HER WHOLE SILENT LIFE ON THE SHOW SJSJSJS IM SHOOK

- WAR HORSE

- skip that funeral Phyllis

- Terry wants to look after his mom how pure

- I want his camera ugh, wait till I get a vintage film camera

- Ok not to ruin the mood but Nonnatus was demolished once before, this is repetitive (I know the 60s brought demolitions but still lol)

- 7 months in squalor 😭 so sad ugh

- Phyllis to the rescue with some polite fighting words

- The cucumbers on the eyes 😂😂 I love them

- Here comes the tights competition lmaoo

- GORGEOUS GAMS, my new blog name

- Cyril gazes at them? 😂😂 who is looking at ankles? I’m weak

- I love her modesty it’s sweet lol, and I love Trixie who is modest in other ways😂

- Phyllis and sister hilda dancing and holding hands is pure AF

- I really like her, I want sister hilda’s backstory! but sister Francis tho - eh lmao I’m not sold yet

- Fred and his first wife’s picture omg let me rip my heart out, I’m glad he’s got violet now 😭

- But the little moment is realistic, we should see Patrick mention Marianne

- sorry Churchill I’m not mourning

- Trixie’s houndstooth coat is a look

- “Your values which I respect” I love her 😂

- Lucille doing the cross, felt

- Terry and his mom in the flat !! my heart

- Love my nurses showing off their legs even if this is a filler storyline *cough Trixie deserves better 1965*

- I love that Phyllis took the photos, we love a supportive mother figure

- The baby in the trash can I can’t 😭😭 it’s not just a thing of past and it’s heartbreaking

- I love Fred ok, he’s just a pure older white man. There are few

- I forgot Sgt Wolfe existed oops

- Like primrose hill ugh my heart I miss London

- Mother Mildred back on her bullshit and I love it

- She’s annoying in the best way 😂

- Sister Mj 😭 if she passes this series IM OUT THIS B! I can not handle *insert Lucille Bluth from Arrested Development saying I won’t hear it and I won’t respond to it*

- Is this Valerie’s bitch ass cousin LMAO ??

- Val pls go see your grandma, I cant stress this enough pls all of you go visit your grandmas if possible, life is too damn short and I know it too well

- Terry is the cutest child omg love him

- “Will he look like me?” Just rip my heart out would you ??

- So is this lady the mother?

- I’m calling it

- HOW DO YOU SPELL LACTATING LMFOAOAOAOA

- sgt Wolfe out here on his law and order detective shit

- What’s up with Terry?  he better not die or I’m fighting

- If something happens to this poor kid I’m going to be personally offended

- “It’s not convenient right now” me at anything, everyday of my life

- Lucille is so cute even when she’s trying not to panic

- Phyllis to the rescue, again

- I love babies but this show just makes me not ever want children LMAO

- If I have to get up on my knees to push out a baby, just slice me open

- Idk why but i wish they would’ve wrote Phyllis telling someone she gave a baby away that she obviously had out of wedlock. Don’t ask why I just feel like it could’ve worked?

- Omg the diphtheria in his mouth🤢vaccinate your damn kids !!!!

- “Everything is supposed to be moving forward” FELT THIS SHELAGH! the world seems to take 2 steps forward and 15 back..

- also loving her new hair tho

- “I haven’t got all day” mood af, Stan Phyllis Crane

- “We’ll be whichever of those you need most” Mother Mildred knows what to say

- I’m glad Trixie is there tho

- Miss Higgins is lowkey underrated, she’s only been a gem lately

- “There’s nothing worse than feeling unfresh” true af Trix, I would’ve never survived without indoor plumbing or soap or anything

- Shawty delivered her own baby?!! She’s BRAVE brave

- DID THE PRIEST KNOCK HER Up?? IM CALLING GOD

- “MOTHER Mildred” put some respect on her name

- I smell shadiness in this church

- SOMEONE HAVING A MENTAL ILLNESS DOES NOT MEAN A PERSON IS BROKEN !!

- Mother Mildred PLS throw some hands for the sake of the Lord almighty

- “Smells of his chemistry set And clearisil” ahh yes what all the cool kids smell like these days you know 😂😂 rip Tim, not gone just moved away till who knows when

- ANIMATED GIBLETS LMAOAOA NOW THTS MY NEW BLOG NAME

- I love shelagh when she says random ass shit 😂 reminds me of her sister Bernadette days

- But Where’s sister Julienne in all this??

- “And I would feel more at ease if i remained” TELL EM MILDRED

- Not too sound so gen y or whatever us late 90s babies are but this priest is only giving me ~bad vibes~

- The Reggie pic😭 I love it

- Fred adding the newspaper clip to his memory box I can’t take it

- Violet my blue eyeshadow queen, I love it (I’m wearing it again in 2020, it was a look that one time)

- “Family meant no space” 😭 I just want terry to get better and reunite with his momma and new sibling

- Omg Brenda 😭 where is your ex? I will wring his neck out

- Trixie😭😭 the childhood traumas tonight whew,..

- It makes me so sad ugh

- Sister Hilda has a velvety accent if that makes sense lmaoo

- “Do you know who the father is? FATHER” MOTHER MILDRED DRAG HIM! YOU KNOW IT AS I DO

- Omg this little girls arm! help her

- Trixie’s two piece little set is so mid 60s and cute

- “I was running away from something that was hard and it was too easy” felt that Val

- But I’m so glad she’s gonna go see her gran

- TERRY IS OK GOD BLESS 😭

- “Pass the tea cakes to this end” LMAO I guess I am Mother Mildred

- Sister Julienne is like probably like thank God Mildred is finally leaving 😂

- They won runner up! 😂😂

- FISHNETS LMAO I love it

- Aww sister Frances made a blanket, pure

- SLAP HIM WITH THE CANE MILDRED

- it’s her pimp cane😂 I love it when you call me big mommaaaa

- I KNEW HE WAS THE FATHER!!! I AM PERSONALLY CALLING THE LORD TO SMITE HIM

- Violet framed Betty’s photo wow bye let me ducking cry my eyes out

- I love the buckles <3

- So what’s the next move with the demolition??

- “The past is never lost to us, we carry it with us...”

- THEY GAVE TERRY TIM’S BLAZER WOW MY HEART !!!!!

- “...the way we embrace it has the power to change everything” 😭😭

- Aww the Turner babies and rabbit babies

- Ok that was a good episode 😭

[99centthoughts]

i keep reading 'orion' as 'onion' so thats. who they are to me now

ONION……………………….. now im picturing orion as onion from steven universe and i am very stressed out by the thought

MORE ASKS UNDER THE CUT!!! (a lot of asks im sorry)

1) D..DONT DIE YET ANON……….. SOON!!! I have a break coming up and i wanna do more comics stuff 😭

2) LOL omg IM SORRY !!!! I Messed up the layout a couple of times while editing it so it must have been weird 😨

1) Hiya! Honestly I think it would be best to get comfortable with more realistic proportions before you branch out into cartoon/anime style! I did it the other way round and I regret it a lot, bc I think it made my foundations really shaky and inconsistent. THAT’S NOT TO SAY u have to master the traditional art style before u start drawing any cartoons though!! I think it’s fine to do them together, just don’t neglect traditional anatomy and all that, bc it will help you a lot in the future regardless of the style you eventually choose to stick to!

2) LKMKLDS ANON STOP NOW IM GOING TO THINK OF THE STORE WHENEVER I THINK OF JC ………… he would be Mr penney???? MR..PENNEY..

thank YOU for enjoying my drawings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhhh thank you so much for such a sweet message oh gosh ANON YOU’RE MAKING MY HEART GROW 3 SIZES!!! Messages like this make me want to share everything with everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M HONESTLY SO HAPPY that my silly little tips and stuff can make drawing fun for you BC THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN HAVING FUN WHILE DRAWING!!! MAY YOU INSPIRE LOTS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE and most importantly I hope you always find joy in your own art!!!! THIS MESSAGE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND YOU DO TOO ILU ANON!!! IM GONNA KEEP THIS FOREVER

1) A NERD AND A PUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) omg I have thought about basically every combination o f my ocs at least once anon lKMDLskdlj they would be cute!!!!!!! and a very calm couple… I feel like emmett would be patient enough to handle fay though it would take a lot to get there bc rn emmett is low key terrified of fay LOL 

1) IM NOT SURE U WOULD WANT TO MARRY THEM ¾ OF THEM ARE A MESS!!!!!!!

2) OH I googled around a bit bc tbh I have no idea what they are called too, and I think it’s called the terminator/ half tone?? it’s basically the bit of colour between the light and the core shadow (the darkest part of where the shadow starts) 

THe coloured outline of shadows that alot of artists do is an exaggeration of how it looks in rl but it is pretty neat bc it makes the object look like it’s glowing haha 

1) AW THANK YOU ANON!!!!!!!!! it’s so sweet that you’ve stuck around for so long and that you take the time to do that!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE I’LL KEEP DRAWING AND MAKING ART THAT YOU ENJOY FOR YEARS TO COME!!!! 

2) OH no that plant is a random plant that I made up hahhaaa 

1) HELLO AGAIN AND thank you ahhh it means a lot to me that you take the time to interpret and think about my art in such a thoughtful manner😭😭😭 It’s really sweet and it makes me look at my art in a different way? I was thinking that the redrawn version seems more stiff and I wasn’t sure if I liked them more than the old ones, but after seeing this message I was like ohhh that is true I did try different things with the new versions and that is something I should appreciate and be proud of !! so thank YOU for the lovely words, it is my absolute pleasure to share my art with u!! 

2) HE IS YOURS PLEASE TAKE CARE OF THIS WHIRLWIND

1) I like using poses from magazines to study anatomy!! I either follow blogs that post magazine scans or I buy them myself when i can! Another thing I’ve found rly helpful was using fitness books/ videos as references… like those for muscle-building/ weight lifters, where there are diagrams of which muscles are working for a specific exercise. YOUTUBE has a lot of fitness videos, just type xxx workout, pause the video at any random frame, and u should be able to get a nice reference to study muscles with!! If u want references for the muscles themselves, some good books I’ve found helpful are: Strength training Anatomy and Anatomy for sculptors (I can give them to you off anon if you’d like)!

2) I HOPE YOU ARE enjoying the brushes !!! NO WORRIES AT ALL I’m happy to share my brushes with anyone who might want to try using htem!! SENDS YOU ALL OF MY LOVE BACK I HOPE YOU ARE ALWAYS HAPPY AND INSPIRED ❤❤

1) omg this is so hard bc there are 213213 options and I could picture them as more than 1 type of fantasy creature tbh ……… BUT FIRST ONES THAT COME TO MIND WOULD BE : some kind faerie for fay haha, werewolf for tyler, centaur for emmett, vampire for jc, some kinda elemental spirit for cyrus, an orc for wade, and UHH some kind of wise gate guarding creature for parisi LOL 

ILY TOO AND thank YOU for loving my silly boys!!!!!!!!! 

2) AHHHH thank u anon I WISH YOU ALL tHE BEST AND I HOPE YOU KEEP DRAWING AS WELL ALWAYS 💞💞💞💞

1) OR PERHAPS PARISI IS JUST ENORMOUS but also yes it’s true baby tyler is a tiny baby bean

2) LSKMDLKSM HOW CAN I NOT SAY I LOVE YOU BACK TO YOU THE SWEETEST ANON OF ALL TIME 💖💖💖💖💖

1) omg anon this is a lie I am terrible at drawing anything symmetrically and if I somehow produced anything to make u think so, it’s probably because I spent 10 hours on getting it to look ok LOL I.. TRY TO USE GUIDELINES and flip my canvas to check that things are balanced… that helps me out a lot :’D 

2) thank u anon for this ask it is beautiful and I will frame it and keep it in my room to encourage myself to start drawing batfam art again 

1) HEY ANON and thank u! I have a list of resources that I’ve found helpful here (at the bottom of the page) !! I hope some of that might be useful for you and feel free to drop me another msg if u need more/ want something more specific!!!!!!! ALL THE BEST

2) omg I havent replied to asks in so long that I didnt even rmb what picture this was referring to and I had to go back and look LOL HE’S TRYING HIS BEST ANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE CANT HELP BEING AN AVERAGE MAN SURROUNDED BY MODELS HOW RIDICULOUS OF THEM !!!! 

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#2)

\haha yeah I was totally planning on sleeping but I literally cannot think about anything else other than getting this idea out of my brain. so, we will try to get through the finale of s2: Love Hurts. please enjoy.

-okay so right off the bat before even starting the episode, i noted a few things. the episode description is “Robin experiences complications and a new face arrives at the hospital.” How fucking annoying that it’s the season finale and the entire episode is centered around connor? of course, at this point we don’t know that the ‘new face’ is his future love interest.

-also!!! the fact that ava is mentioned in the episode description of the season finale? That’s huge!

-the episode description makes it sound like nothing fucking happens in this episode.

-also i am extremely scared to start the ep bc i feel like it is going to through me straight back into the deep end and put me in a state of emotional shock.

-i will try to take very deep breaths before the episode starts. okay. here we go.

-does this episode open with robin being carted in on the ambo bc if this is the ep im thinking about, i remember appreciating how angsty this scene was

-i still remember charles yelling ‘2 of adavan!’

-okay hi sarah i really was not expecting to see you this soon

-oh wow. just. sarah calling shots in the ed. in control. you love to see it. also. im just now remembering how early in the ep we get to meet ava. i always remembered it as being at the very end but. i remember connor being distraught with his messy hair.

-also i’m highkey loving how out-of-control connor is rn

-reese. god i missed you so much.

-they counted again. love that.

-okay but like i have no analysis just every time sarah’s onscreen i just want to say ‘i love you’

- i have not heard sarah speak in a HOT SEC and god i forgot how deep her voice was and it is sending me (its not even that deep i just like, forgot.) It has been years and I honestly think i have forgotten who sarah really was. sad.

-like i don’t remember the last time i could describe her as in control but right now treating robin she’s calm (honestly bc she’s the only other shrink on the show, but HOLD ON WAIT DOESNT CHARLES GET SHOT AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK. reese has one moment. and then her and charles start bickering. i remember why i was so mad)

-i’m in love with her.

-i really have to sit through the next 40 mins of this and just everytime i see sarah going ‘i love her,’ and now you do too.

-oh my god CHARLES SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CANNOT BLAME CONNOR FOR THIS

-also the reason i became disillusioned: dr charles just started being suuuuuper sus.

-i do love sarah. and honestly, connor, not my favorite, but this storyline really made me empathize with him. his girlfriend is having a psychotic break and people keep shitting on him. (maybe the reason i didn’t like ava at first. really kicked him while he was down)

-I... haha. sarah. hnghhh. you can guess the rest.

-if you were in this situation, with robin, would you be thinking like connor or would you be thinking like charles? personally- connor. Robin was fine. maybe a little impulsive to take her home, but charles was being suuuper overprotective (from what I remember).

-Charles: “This is on you. You did this.” I remember that line hitting really hard when I watched it the first time lmao damn.

-SARAH. HER EYES ARE RED. SHE’S SAD. SHE’S CRYING! COME ONNNN MEDDD YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME!!! (and I swallowed my water the wrong way which somehow triggered my gag reflex so now im crying too please god stop Im sorry what did I do)

-yay sarah. hey guys look at that. sarah gets to, like, do her job.

-ALSO I JUST REALIZED THAT S3 STILL SUCKS FOR SARAH BC OF HER INTENSE INTENSE PTSD??? LIKE SHE WHOLE ASS PEPPERSPRAYS HER PATIENT???

-also these are the clothes charles got shot in and honestly i’m not even mad. I’m mad that him getting shot put sarah through so much pain (i talked a lot about ava but y’all are really gonna see just how protective i am of sarah. like god even I forgot.)

-you can see how much sarah cares about connor. which is like, fantastically crazy. (it fuels the rheese shippers which is why i tend to be against it) but just like, that’s just how sarah is. she cares so much. she’s not even close to connor, but you can see how much she cares. this is why its so unfair for sarah to work in psych. like, she’s way too soft for that come on man. (y’all remember the huge car crash episode and at the end she tells ethan that it was nice to be back in the ed bc you can fix people’s bodies but not their minds? 1) she was adorable in that. 2) i am so scared for her. she just cares too much)

-okay but the above bullet is probably the exact reason why people ended up shipping ava and sarah. they both are characters who care way more than they let on. sarah is the only one in the hospital who would probably give ava a second chance after an icy first encounter. That being said, being realistic? ava is probably the only one who would she the bullshit that sarah has to go through everyday, so she would never have the icy first encounter. which in turn sets sarah’s empathy bells off or whatever.

-honestly? ava is a mean to people because she thinks they deserve it. that’s it. she’s not a bitch or anything like that (and yeah, ava stans do a little bit of overlooking her behavior bc hey if a careless med student bumps into her while passing by, thats on them). (and of course, in this world and in reesker minds, sarah has never done anything wrong, ever.)

-look guys, i did it. i boiled reesker down to its bare essentials! (lmao tho literally walking through it again from almost a totally fresh perspective, it is still so easy to see how they would have been great together.)

-also. uh. not to pile on the reesker but. ----- connor just got paged by latham. is-is it happening?

-refusing to go home and sleep because the person you care most about is lying in a hospital bed is such classic angst oh my god

-wtf? charles has meds i completely forgot? for his heart? when is he gonna get shot the suspense is killing me.

-ALSO. YOU ARE TELLING ME. THAT S3 SARAH HAD TO DEAL WITH PTSD AND A POSSIBLE PATIENT LAWSUIT. AT THE SAME TIME HER FATHER WAS BEING SUSPECTED OF MURDER, AT THE SAME TIME HE TRIED TO RECONNECT. it is a fucking crime that that is the season we have to rewatch. its a crime they abused her so much.

-waiting for charles to keel over and die like

-the worst thing is that like, he actually cares. he actually truly cares about sarah, he just did a lot of bad things. so sarah has to justify them all! and sarah had no idea how to feel because now she’s disillusioned again. please chill

-lmao stoll wow 

-oh. soft sweet boy noah. he really doesn’t know better, and that’s almost the worst thing.

-also. dr. shore. that’s really all i have to say about that.

-ohhhhh my god nat fucking chill

-what is it with couples on mad and not being allowed to be happy. (this could be about reesker if you, like, reallyyyy squint)

-aw! hey, look! it’s jay! he’s nice to look at too. ooh i also forgot how deep his voice was lol

-counting

- i honestly forgot what a good source of angst this show was. this guys parents are flying in from germany to go to his graduation and then he got hit by a car??? damn

- i still forget how much i like the cop/doctor brother duo. I love it.

-GUYSSS

-GUYSSS ITS HAPPENING

-the air literally left my lungs I am not ready.

-ITS FUCKING

-oh my god

-it is 3 am and I just screamed out loud holy shit

-I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT. IT DOESNT HAPPEN WITH HER IN CASUAL CLOTHES. THAT IS AT THE END. I FORGOT THEY INTERACT WITH HER IN SCRUBS

- I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT

--holy shit she is fucking stunning. she was just allowed to be like that? in her first introduction? while connor looks like complete shit? IMAGINE THE POWER SHE HAS HOLY SHIT. THIS IS THE GREATEST POWER MOVE IVE EVER SEEN.

-uh for those of you who are confused, ava bekker has entered the scene and holy. shit. is she fucking amazing. and she hasn’t even said a word yet. all she did was turn

-H E R P O W E R

-uhhuufhuahdoas back to the analysis - latham reiterated all of the points we just discussed in the premiere, only goes to show how this was planned, from the start.

- t h e p o w e r ava has to step on the scene and instantly fuck things up. I ASPIRE

-okay let me try again to move forward. (nope. i tried to go back to the tab and just. the expression on her face. guys. i cannot express the emotions. we will press on)

-deep breaths

-she’s so pretty oh my god

-I-uh- okay listen. it is really, really, really hard to analyze this because i have not watched an actual scene or actually heard her talk in her very very pretty accent in two years. I, uh, i need a minute.

-i honestly cannot recall a thing she just said. (i am literally in fucking love) (i’m gonna go back and rewatch the scene and see what I pick up)

-THE----the fucking way she puts her hand back in her pocket

-GOD IM FUCKING GAY

-as for analysis - god that cheeky little smile.

-she’s blunt. is what took me about 75 words to say. this is gonna be a nightmare. (if i torture myself and make myself watch s4 and s5 then I’ll be really sad) (at this point can you imagine what would’ve happened if i had watched her death? I’m remembering exactly how crushed I was)

-OH. YEAH. IN CASE YOU FORGOT? THAT GIRL? THE SNARKY ONE? ON SCREEN RIGHT NOW? SHE’S. FUCKING. DEAD. CANONICALLY SHES DEAD. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

-like just that fact is sending me so hard. i am already so sad. I had like thirty seconds of elation. it’s not FUCKING FAIR

- i need another minute. AND SHE STILL HAS ANOTHER LINE.

-this doesn’t really pertain to the theory but the “loyal, that’s sweet” line has got to mean something. Like something to be said about how connor couldn’t commit to her in s4. (its just so fucking unfair that she’s dead but we really need to move on)

-this also means that ava isn’t entirely loyal? bc she’s looking down on connor for being loyal? I um really don’t have all the info to unpack All of that, but it should be noted.

-DID YOU CONNOR? DID YOU ENJOY WORKING TOGETHER???

-from ava stan perspective: @ connor you like made her life hell, which wasn’t your fault but still. uhh she’s the one that’s dead, you’re not, so obviously one of you enjoyed it a little more. let’s move on.

-i love her.

-haha oh man jack kelloggs back. FUCKING MERC HIS ASS (i don’t hate charles that much and this storyline gave me so much fucking anxiety throughout the ep)

-god jack kelloggs such an asshole

-OKAY BRUH ETHAN AND APRIL HAVE A THING THIS SEASON? jesus this show really moves

-there are a lot of things I could complain about.

-will: “Why’d she do that? Cut her hair. A woman makes a change like that, it’s a big deal.” S4 AVA WHAT DOES IT MEAN

-i can’t believe its the season finale and they have enough time for will to ask maggie why nat cut her hair. this show is the reason I have anxiety. charles is about to get shot and what are you doing

-oh. oh wow. noah and sarah bickering/noah flirting. it’s like, adorable. which i don’t think is really fair. just, sarah’s the best

-I- uh- can’t believe that was the first time I watched an ava scene in years? that was a really big step for me?? god wow.

-god remember how sarah just like, saved robin? yall remember that? REMEMBER WHEN SARAH COULD DO THINGS? there’s a reason i hated this show.

-okay but just like the fact that charles was - content with letting his daughter be holed up in a room for the foreseeable future? when sarah had a perfectly logical answer? who is he trying to undermine here? (and that is why i hate charles)

-sharon: “where’s the daniel who doesn’t give up? doesn’t your own daughter deserve that much?” kind of a reach but if charles really cares about sarah as much as he does, and sharon knows this, the double meaning here is almost impeccable.

-oh hey guys! ava’s back!

-okay this is like super nitpicky but at this point it feels like norma didn’t have the accent down packed and its a little exaggerated and awkward at times but, come on, still love her.

-Ava: “excuse me, you’re an emergency medicine resident, why are we even talking” AVA BEKKER REALLY TAKES NO SURVIVORS (the writers just really weren’t banking on the fans being that attracted to ava) (like i forgot how blunt she was and holy shit. wow. i kinda see where the haters were coming from. its amazing to see how we clawed her back tho [by we i mean the lesbians])

-analytical. That’s what ava is. It’s almost like that thing where people purposefully say something outlandish just to gauge people’s reaction. she doesn’t argue with connor, at least not now. she just looks between him and ethan, sees she’s outnumbered, and walks off. She doesn’t know how the place works yet. she’s testing the waters. - this could be why she slowly gets more and more confrontational as the series progresses. she sees that no matter what, everyone will be on connor’s side. she doesn’t fight a losing battle. but when you’re constantly losing, its frustration. (reminder, these things only hold true in s3. s4 doesn’t exist)

-I’m fucking?? where the hell did jeff go?

-also, oh, this is maggie’s storyline. the guy dies right but he wanted to propose to the girl? wait no that doesn’t seem right...

-yooo its the girl in the gorilla costume. certified iconic. also how the hell did they have enough time for all this crap in the finale. this show fucking moves.

-for like a split second i forgot that noah and april were siblings

-noah’s a sweetie

-oh hey look it’s ava

-knock knock. who’s there? oh boy, point one for ava stans, she’s right about the surgery (potential evidence showing how this is the first scene of connor not being shit/actually being out or equally matched)

-OKAY WOW SARAH GO OFF (she’’s just fantastic i mean look at her. she’s adorable)

-ava: “Why do all the residents in this hospital think they can offer their opinions?” DR BEKKER PLEASE (okay but like i said last ep i had the exact same question. go off ava)

-connor just took control of the case (first instance of ava outright saying ‘i disagree’) (and let me guess, he’s gonna be right in the end because he literally fucking always is)

-if you look at it from a different perspective, ava was necessary. they needed someone to put connor in his place. at least, she tried. (very disappointing that she also had to sleep with him but that’s not the current point) if they wanted to fix his problem of coming off as spoiled, ava gave him a force to fight against, to earn his stars. they could’ve done it better, and actually had him lose a few times. because what does constantly letting connor win do? it undermines ava, it also undermines his attending. his attending who he is constantly having to stick up for. dude. hero complex chill. ava never had a hero complex. which cannot be said for a lot of the people on the show (IF YOU EVEN TRY TO ARGUE THIS POINT IS WRONG I POINT YOU TO THE EPISODE WHERE AVA PUSHED THE CREDIT FOR THE SURGERY ONTO CONNOR WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER WAS HUGGING HER) they did it wrong. they tried to, idk, fix connor by giving him humility, but they kind of completely forgot the humility part. and the part where he learns things. HE EVEN HAS TO STAND UP FOR AVA TO HER OWN MENTOR. LITERALLY? DUDE? FUCKING. CHILL.

-okay but that’s what it is though. ava was always meant to be the villain. because she was always a counter for connor. and connor is the hero. (you may be thinking this goes against my theory because I’m fighting for ava rights, but my actual theory is that ava was never supposed to stay past s3. the only reason she stayed was because she became a fan favorite. she was supposed to take connor’s mayo clinic offer. and you know how it probably would have happened? Connor probably would have gave her the offer. letting him be the hero one last time. [of course, this isn’t what happened. we all know.])

-OKAY FUCK THIS RESIDENT? “good call, Dr. Rhodes” SHUT THE FUCK UP??? (resident speaking rights revoked)

-I have nothing for this but just want to point out how she looks around and says “yes” all contemplative. god if i could just think about what she was thinking

-jack bro stop

-okay. was there ever an active shooter in the hospital when ava was around. bc if there was. i legally need to know

-lmao stoll

-sarah... makes me smile.

-fun fact: we are at about the half way mark. I am so sorry.

-no no no nono. so, robin just got diagnosed and is getting prepped for surgery. Sarah. don’t give charles credit for solving it. stop.

-Hey! yall remember how the best characters on the show only got thirty seconds of onscreen time together? yeah! I’m still mad about it too!

-aww connor being worried. (i think im fine with connor as long as like, ava is no where near. this scene is just very pure)

-when is this guy gonna get shot already

-aww he loves her. i want to kill him. (why? playboy. gets feelings way too quick. stop him. keep him away from ava)

-HAHAHAH okay. robin just got put into surgery and latham and ava are performing it (is it a brain surgery? yes. are they ct surgeons? yes. don’t ask questions) BUT you can see this emotion on ava’s face. she feels sorry for him. it’s up for us to decide if its condescending or she just feels bad for or bc she is on a surgery he wanted, but for the sake of opinion, i’m inclined to say she just felt bad for him (cough empathy cough)

-literally everytime charles is on screen im like when is he gonna get shot

-this scene where both connor and charles admit they were wrong is very nice (hey actually look, connor does have humility! not in front of ava tho so hmm) (sexual tens- literally no, shut the fuck up)

-HAHA HOLY SHIT I FORGOT CONNORS MOM KILLED HERSELF?? HOLY SHIT? THIS FUCKING GUY LITERALLY CANT CATCH A BREAK (maybe take a hint bro? and go far far away? well he did. too little too late ig)

-connor: “i obviously couldn’t save my mom, but I sure as hell didn’t try to save robin” *through cupped hands* HEY! HEY CONNOR! D-DID YOU TRY? WITH AVA? DID YOU TRY? okay literally what is it with this guy and people dying. for such a good surgeon... oh yeah, irony.

-hi sarah! how nice of you to check in with connor and charles about robin!

-sarah: *looks between charles and connor, who have probably agreed on something for the first time since connor got with robin* “everything okay?” literally she’s so sweet my heart.

- sarah: *laughs in disbelief* SARAH STOP MY HEART IS ALREADY FULL

-this man needs to button the top button of his shirt, i do not like that i can see it

-I------ HOLY SHIT?

-WHY DID NO ONE FUCKING WARN ME THAT JOEY WAS STILL ON THE SHOW???

-FUCKING EXCUSE ME???

- the air left lungs on that one again, i was Not expecting that.

-HOLD THE FUCK ON. I JUST WENT OF HIS WIKI AND HE APPEARS IN S4??? FUCKING WHAT??? SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HE FUCKING DID AND IF IT WAS IMPORTANT

-sarah reese is such a fucking dork she got her boyfriend a rubik’s cube as a gift?? a guy who is so nerdy that he definetly already has like five of them. hmm. things don’t add up. also he’s nerdy enough to give back a gift at the breakup. dude seriously. get some social cues. in like the bargin bin at goodwill. please.

-IF SARAH FUCKING CRIES I SWEAR TO GOD

-oh yeah she’s pregnant. that’s how the story ends.

-okay. natalie comes off as empathetic but like, in the most condescending way.

-like its fucking obvious she’s only ever caring about herself (ava bekker would never. sarah reese would never. get your head out of your ass) (ok wow that aggression came from nowhere lmao)

- i really wanna say something about - Connor: “We all know that love can hurt, but loneliness? that’ll kill you.” have fun with that fic writers. (insert obvious connection to loneliness killing ava? have we had enough? this doesn’t pertain to the theory)

-jesus will at this point stop hesitating at the ‘if we’re wrong, it could kill him’ stage. we all know you don’t care

-how funny would it be if the family just like, disowned that girl

-this will nat and co. love triangle is already so fucking exhausting

-JAY REALLY SAID WILL I AM TAKING NONE OF YOUR BS

-is he really about to break up with her. right now. i swear to fucking god

-this is so fucking stupid (what i would pay for ava to hand him his ass right here right now) (that’s a hc idea right there)

-FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY WILLIAM

-sarah and noah stay adorable

-aww stolllll, my heart

-lmao i forgot the girl who played robin was on once upon a time and i was like ‘ive seen her recently what was it’

-FINALLY HES GONNA FUCKING GET SHOT! HELL YES!

-charles looks high as balls

-the queen returns. she’s back

-IM GONNA FUCKING JUMP OFF A CLIFF

-okay. from the previous ep i mentioned ava’s line being something like ‘you’re quite the gossip magnet, your mother commited suicide, drove your girlfriend crazy, and you murdered your attending.” right?  we all remember that?

-well lads, do we remember connor’s response?

-connor: “...Well you’d better watch yourself, hadn’t you?”

-...

- I-

-hahahah this is not okay.

-AND GOD. JUST THE WAY AVA TAKES IT AND JUST SMILES, ACCEPTING THE CHALLENGE. holy shit. this fucking breaks my heart.

-i like almost can’t even appreciate the easy ending of noah’s grad party.

-oh yeah charles still hasn’t gotten shot.

-god sarah is still adorable. the way she finally relaxes FOR ONCE and lets herself have fun. fun fact: this may be the last time we see sarah just easily enjoying herself. also maybe the first.

- i am officially starting the save ava campaign, anyone who wants to join can. the goal is pretty simple. save ava. save our hearts.

-oh my god is he finally going to get shot?? like what dude come on

Okay. another episode down, the first full one, and what have we learned?

Well, this was Ava’s first episode and we learned how it seems she was doomed from the start. It makes no sense, even just her writing is disconnected from s2 to s3, like how do they do that? This ava lines up so well with s4 ava it’s almost uncanny. if you completely cut out s3 her character arc would make complete sense, in a frighteningly tidy way.

Like I said at the top, the fact that Ava was referenced in the episode description of the season finale is huge. It means she is a big character, ground shaking, almost. I really don’t know why they had to make this introduction at the end of s2 and not the beginning of s3, other than making it fit with the three month time jump that i’m pretty sure starts the season.

The way I see it, Ava had 4 main interactions/points. 1) She called connor loyal (and was blunt about Latham) 2) She remarks that residents shouldn’t have speaking rights (that one’s just funny) and disagrees with connor on the surgery, which they go with connor’s decision because of course they do. granted they switch to her plan midway through) 3) connor takes over her surgery after they disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved. Connor is right. and 4) we have the final ‘I like dangerous men’ interaction.

Let’s focus on the train of Ava vs. Connor disagreements. If we go by my previous statement which was Ava was designed as the villain to Connor’s hero, so the hero could win the favor of the public by defeating the villain, the trajectory of their interactions is not surprising in the slightest.

First, Connor wins the first point bc they initial go with his plan. Then, mid surgery, they have to switch to Ava’s plan, because she was right. This obviously pisses him off, that he was wrong and she was right.  His crown had been knocked askew. But then, he wrestles it back. They disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved, connor takes complete control, and he actually ends up saving him.

It’s interesting that the final disagreement came at the sake of a patient’s life. Ava was quick to dismiss the heart as gone, but Connor fought for it, being the hero. It’s easy to shut Ava down right then and there, call her heartless and call it a day.

if s4 had come immedietely (i have no clue how to spell that) after, it would be completely in character for ava to be a psychopath from what little we’ve seen. And honestly, no one would care. The villain would get her due justice.

Let’s switch gears to the conspiracy theory, or the redemption arc. whichever sounds cooler.

A hero is only as good as their villain. That’s really my argument. At this point, yeah, s4 seems like it was planned, just based on s2.

Okay, so, what? Is that another layer of the theory that I’m adding? that the connor/ava plot of s4 was ACTUALLY supposed to be in s3? I... no. we’ve established that is is very rare for the med writers to plan storylines that far ahead. so what am I saying?

I think that the s4 plot was actually a scrapped plot potentially to be used in s3. and when they were left floundering at the end of s3 for an answer? they retreated. sacrificing character development in the process.

So what the hell happened in s3? A horrible fluke? why was it so different?

in s3 ava became more of a rival and less of a villain. while those words can have very similar meanings, the bulk of it is that neither of them really wanted to be that mean each other, they never went out of their way to stomp on the other (at least that I’m aware of). they just were always forced to work together, naturally leading to friction.

This shift meant all the difference. Connor no longer had to beat Ava. it wasn’t required. as a result, ava was very very slowly allowed to interact with people other than connor. she was allowed to slightly develop.

Why the shift? well, the conspiracy theory suggests it’s because they wanted someone who could follow up connor if he left at the end. IF they were true rivals, each of them should be able to hold their own without each other.

okay yeah, i managed to get like 4k words out of like 5 minutes a screen time and 8 lines. jesus christ.still didnt do my hw tho

next we watch the premiere of s3 and see what happens. thanks for reading

-

read the next parts:

Part 1 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

[survivorbehemoth]

Episode 13: “The new strategy is to ignore me unless they want to use me.” - Chips

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Vocaroo 2

Vocaroo 3

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So I assume everyone is voting me this round. Just like I assumed last round.

The new strategy is to ignore me unless they want to use me. So thats fun.

Anyway i was told at the last minute rhe vote changed to Brandan and... lol it did? Poor Brandan and whoever probably was either not let in or was scared of his idol.

Anyway, I was told to vote Seamus this round and I would be okay. Im putting my faith there.

this confessional is gonna be messy and i dont wanna cry on camera so here it goes. im basically just copying and pasting from my DR.

EARLIER IN THE DAY: ive made an executive decision that im going to be loyal to daisy and szymon and i don’t care if i lose to them at the end i dont have the heart in me to betray them it’s not worth it i wanna win and if i get to the end and they ask why? when you know it’s a good game move? The Winning Move? bc i think sometimes winning ain’t everything and i think getting to the end ad losing to someone worthy is fine!!! and maybe one day i’ll be able to like be ruthless in games but !!! LMAO today is not that day and it won’t be ever u know — plus they both have to know they both win to me? right? so yeah i just don’t have it i me and ill defend that in jury and also cop to it like i’ll OWN it i fucking get it but if i could still get to the end at all that should be recognized a bit and yeah maybe i’ll lose but idk it’s not worth it i don’t like how i feel rn and i don’t want to make another person feel that way bc let’s face it i can’t hinge my games on winning things ive won nothing myself this whole game it’s okay but i can’t center shit around it but i think ive played a good game and it’s different than theres and there’s so many times when they have both come to me there’s a lot ive done too

LATER IN THE DAY:

instead of chips we're cutting seamus. which fits into my boot order and what i wanted to do anyways since f9. but. daisy it not happy and i tried to explain it to her like this:

okay a few facts 1. im loyal to u and szymon first and foremost 2. next to either of u at the end i will not win 3. im okay with that at this point bc i cant really emotionally justify cutting yall and not going to fire for either of yall + i doubt ill win fic if its a f2 between the two of yall but i want to do SOMETHING game wise u know and yeah idk, i know u and seamus are close and i do feel like bad about this especially on an emotional level but i know that either way if i get to the end with either of u im losing but i wanna say at least i could make a move that showed some foresight game wise idk i hope that doesnt come off as like GUILT TRIPPY OR WHATEVER IM JUST BEING REALISTIC at this point bc i know i have my loyalty and i know it something im not good at breaking and if i get shit on it at the end if i make it, so be it, but that doesnt mean i didnt know what moves needed to be made and idk yeah and i get it if u dont feel the same way especially after this or anything but thats where my head is at.

ME IN MY DR AND TO SZYMON AN HOUR BEFORE TRIBAL:

anyways im going home tonight i feel it i really do i promise i wont throw a fit ive already been crying about another org and how dumb i am in games bc im too loyal but it is what it is and thats how i am and its not gonna change to win an org like i know this is all on me but yeah like i said to szymon if ive made daisy angry i voted for chips last round chips/daisy/seamus vote for me to go 3-3 revote dylan flips i leave period i know its over i just feel it i really do and maybe its just bc i felt the same way literally 24 hours ago in survivor week in another and i had my closest ally saying ur not going home i promise ur not going home and etc and just literally playing mental gymnastics and now mind games and using her TAROT CARDS AGAINST ME basically like the irony isnt lost on me that szymon is telling me the same thing im just calm about it im sad but im calm bc i know its happening im sad bc i dont want it to end i dont wanna go but its the end

so brandan went home and ive been nervous all round. i finally feel kinda comfortable with my 5 and yet i don't. so i didn't have time to really try on the challenge because i went out with friends and had work all day so i had 30 mins to do the challenge. sorry i don't wanna use my only free time in my day to try hard on it i actually have a life. so nOW everyone wants me out bc apparently i was playing the middle and throwing challenges. like NO BING BONG. MY GAME HAS NOT BEEN THAT GOOD AND IM FINE ADMITTING THAT. the real reason they r voting me is bc daisy is immune. that is a fact.

so all day no one speaks to me and iM LIKE IK SOMETHING IS WRONG. and finally daisy calls me and tells me jules/dylan are leading the charge against me and everyones voting me. so we whipped up this plan to pull in chips and force a tie. or rocks. either im fine with. and szymon just now 20 mins before tribal tries to bs me how theres nothing he can do. so hopefully this shit ties or jules GOES HOME.

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HOLY MOLY IS STUFF HAPPENEING AT THIS FINAL 6 LIEK!!

ugh all the outside of game stuff going on doesnt really matter but yeah sorry for no videos once again <33

i feel like this vote is really going to solidify whether or not i sit in the end or as one of the last jurors and it has me really stressed out. if i can use my extra vote this round to make a play against seamus it doesnt even matter if i win immunity at f5 bc i have an idol to play. it's really crazy to imagine myself in f4 and be like, just 1 step away from potentially winning the game

i feel like if i can stick with szymon, jules, and daisy at the end i have a good chance of making final tribal and from there it just depends on who i can beat. it is going to be hard going up against helgamine people in an all helga jury for the most part but i feel confident in the game that i've played thus far and i know im capable of speaking well so, hopefully i can convince people to see that my game is a winning one and that im not just being dragged along for the hell of it!!! newayyssss SEE YOU IN FINAL 4 <33

________________________________________________________________

Seamus is voted out 4-3. He becomes the 6th member of our jury.

Watch the Cast Assessment Below:

[resetkid]

【THESTABBYKID】 HAS JOINED THE GROUP . 【THESOFTIEKID】  HAS JOINED THE  GROUP . 【THESOULLESS】  HAS JOINED THE GROUP . 【TRUENEUTRAL】  HAS JOINED THE GROUP .

【THESOFTIEKID】  geno?  couldnt help but notice u deleted me from ur friends,  lol...  how come? ;-; 【THESTABBYKID】  pissoff,  pacifist 【THESTABBYKID】  i deleted u bc ur a snobby bitch =))) 【THESOULLESS】   why do you guys even include me in this stupid thing....... 【TRUENEUTRAL】  why u whinin no soul?  we include u cause u get all mopey if we dont :/ 【TRUENEUTRAL】  trust me no one ever wanted u genocide freaks involved lmfao 【TRUENEUTRAL】  send me ur timeline #’s so i can come kick ur ass pussyos 【THESTABBYKID】  stfu neutral like u can take the high road on this 【THESTABBYKID】  ur a dirty brother killer too <333 【THESOFTIEKID】   stop fighting!!  can’t we have one group chat without you at each other’s throats??  T_T 【THESOFTIEKID】  ...  um.  thank you.  anyway.  let’s talk gyftmas plans! 【THESOFTIEKID】  what are you all going to be up to?  busy?  :0 【THESTABBYKID】  finally got past undyne b4.  ugghhh i still feel sore 【THESTABBYKID】  killing her was rlly satisfying in the end tho.  guess i get to fight 1hp wonder xmas day :> 【THESOULLESS】   ...  been there done all that.  no gyftmas plans over here.  cons o genocidin the underground-- no one to invite you over to celebrate 【TRUENEUTRAL】   i promised id go sing carols w/ choir.  might bomb out on it tho sounds lame 【TRUENEUTRAL】  ...  guess im spending it alone too.  wby pacifist? 【THESOFTIEKID】    oh--  me and dad are going to see disney on ice christmas eve,  and thennn we’re just going to stay home for xmas and have turkey dinner.  probably watch old guy tv haha 【THESTABBYKID】    sounds nice. 【THESTABBYKID】    be sure tell david us three say thanks for fucking abandoning us!! :) ) ) 【THESOULLESS】    disney on ice???   DISNEY ON ICE?? ?? ?  【THESTABBYKID】    AHAHAHA even the one that can’t feel emotion is raging!!!  ohhh it’s too good 【TRUENEUTRAL】    WHEEEEZE HOLY FUCKK  【TRUENEUTRAL】    ...  aw man guys i think we made them feel sad B( 【TRUENEUTRAL】    lighten up softie we’re all just jealous u still have dad.  and ur rich 【THESTABBYKID】    lmfao r u even a flurry? ? ??  UR LIKE FLURRY INVERSE GET OUT OF THIS CHAT 【THESOFTIEKID】    please lay off :<  neutral wanted to know!!  i was just being honest;; 【TRUENEUTRAL】   truuu,  but also u did bring gyftmas plans up first 【THESOULLESS】    okay if santa could bring u all one impossible thing.  what&why,  go 【THESTABBYKID】   nah i’ll b realistic,  i just want a new knife 【THESTABBYKID】   this ones gettin real dull real fast 【THESTABBYKID】   want it 2 be in prime condition before i cut the judge down =) 【THESOFTIEKID】   i guess it would be nice to be smarter with school stuff,  or a little tougher?  im sorta slow--  well we all are?--  and wimpy unlike u guys.  i suppose that’s not exactly impossible since he can bring books to read to help, etcetera,  but;;  world peace?   【THESOULLESS】   wtf.  i thought.  we were all gonna meme u know 【THESOULLESS】   like,  say emo stuff. ‘ a will 2 live ’  or  ‘ instant death ’ 【THESOULLESS】   i hate u all this groupchat is lame fuck 【TRUENEUTRAL】   santa can give me nothing,  like just take my trauma bro 【TRUENEUTRAL】   make my gyftmas and undo my mental scarring ;;;; 【THESOULLESS】   ayyy yy yy!!! 【THESOULLESS】   #giveflurriesmentalstability  #gyftmas2017 【TRUENEUTRAL】   defintive proof wes the cooler flurries here ;3 【THESTABBYKID】    keep dreaming :/ 【THESTABBYKID】   we’ll all wake up in cold sweat from night terrors xmas day 【THESOFTIEKID】   i don’t have those...  haha ovo;;

【THESTABBYKID】  REMOVED   【THESOFTIEKID】   FROM THE CHAT.

【THESOULLESS】   ....  she doesnt know shes born.

【THESTABBYKID】   oh that sweet summer child 【TRUENEUTRAL】   good call 【TRUENEUTRAL】   wish we were all that lucky. 【TRUENEUTRAL】   i wish i was her sometimes. 【TRUENEUTRAL】   i lie awake at night and i think...  it must be so nice.  nobody hates her.  she’s never done nothin wrong.  she can sleep at night and look her frends in the eye.  idk 【THESTABBYKID】   dude.  thinkin like that is only gonna make u depressed.  on top of all ur other mental shit lol 【THESOULLESS】   ^^ 【THESOULLESS】   dont think too hard on it. 【THESOULLESS】   we’re the bad kids.  the brats 【THESOULLESS】   it’s just how the multiverse goes,  right? 【TRUENEUTRAL】   yup.  still...  feel like we got the short end of the stick.  and she got everything a kid could ever ask for. ;c 【THESTABBYKID】   short end of the stick? 【THESTABBYKID】   ehhh.  more like we got the knife handle. 【THESTABBYKID】   and chose to stab others w/ the blade. 【THESTABBYKID】   get over urselves losers.  we’re evil.  embrace it or go cry.  ttyl stab brats 【THESOULLESS】    talk later stab brats. 【TRUENEUTRAL】    ...  yup.  🔪