#bc im depressed either way

[depressedvents]

holidays are so so hard,,,, dad is here, cigarette smoke fills the house, im forced to relocate to my sisters' room while he's here, my second uncle and his family are staying here too and the ground floor is all taken up, i cant even distract myself with playing the sims bc i gotta be available always and playing a good host, we're supposed to go out tomorrow to visit more family and my fucking clothes havent arrived yet,,,,, AND im so fucking depressed, but its all in the back of my mind only pushing at me randomly while someone's speaking to me or something,,,,,

[fairiencarnate]

Why did no one tell me that the "chemical imbalance" theory has largely been disproven, that serotonin and dopamine can't cause mental illness on their own? Why have all mental health professionals been pushing this idea as fact? I've always thought the whole BPD diagnosis was bogus, just modern day hysteria slapped onto (mostly) women with complex-PTSD. Almost an official gaslight, like "your trauma wasn't traumatic enough to warrant the PTSD label so we're going to act like your brain is malfunctioning". So I'm not surprised to find all this out.

Can we finally begin a trauma-informed approach toward mainstream mental health shit? Especially mood disorders? Let's not rule chemicals and hormones out entirely, but let's acknowledge that trauma and genes have far stronger ties to mental health.

[witchqueen]

Does anyone have any tips to help stop yourself from comparing your artwork to others, or equating your value as an artist with likes and reblogs?

I've struggled with this for a while and it's getting old, I don't know how to just shrug it off. Any genuine advice would be nice

[vantasei]

ok gang im getting on tgel now either i become more suicidal or less suicidal what do we think will happen to me knowing my track record

[hauntedwoman]

as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult

[kyuala]

SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

[downfallofi]

TW: long vent post, pass on by, don't read etc etc, I just need to get this out somewhere because it's still messing me up; I had one of the most gut punch conversations with my father I've maybe had ever in the two years since his brush with the ICU and like. This one hit me with a tons-of-bricks feels that nearly had me in tears, but also I can't get out of my mind. Routine duty call, right? My father, still an asshole, has had health issues and nearly died, so I just check on him to see how he's doing, and like has happened before, he took the awkward lull in conversation that happens to try and bridge some long dormant, decades old sounds, and he got weirdly emotional and said he missed me a lot and thinks of me every day (heard that one before) And then this man pulled a god damn MCU Yondu as he said, I'm sorry I didn't do right by you for all those years. You're a good boy, no, a good MAN. I never should have sent you away when you were a kid, I regret it every day.

And son when I tell you that was a punch to the guts because my crippling fears of abandonment, my sense that I am broken, that I was torn away from any sense of safety or knowing what home was started when I was 17 years old, and how can I describe to anyone just what this old man just SAYING THESE WORDS does. I don't even understand it myself, except to say it was both a painful knife wound and the softest hug I have ever been given in my life. And to have HIM saying it, I. Dude. I didn't have the words then, and I don't now. I had to continue the conversation like it wasn't anything and then tell the old man I love him and then I got my coffee and bagel and went in the Cafe Aroma toddler play area to like, weep. I don't sincerely think he even knew how hard that hit me. I don't know if he knows how impacting his words are, or even if he feels them as deeply as I do. I don't know.

He DID say this as a pivot to talk about my brother Michael, and that is the second part of this conversation that is sticking in my mind currently; It also has me thinking that my dad's confession that he done me wrong was secondary. Maybe, even, a salving of his ego, because he put it on me that now that Michael might be going to jail again that I'm his only son who isn't a disappointment.

Shoe is on the other foot now, since he once said I'm the family disappointment. Really feels like he just passes that one around.

And I am fairly disquieted and frightened and worried about Michael. I always, always am.

Dad just went off spilling tea, telling me Michael is borrowing money again, he's buying suspicious quantities of lighter fluid (again?), he's driving without a license with warrants to spend a night in jail again, and I get to be the only one who can't fully cut Michael out when he does this shit, or turn it off like my sister does with family shit like with Dad too. I get to worry from afar, ask myself how can I stay letting Michael's recidivism break my damn heart.

I don't have answers, it was a heavy seven minute phone conversation that was mostly about work, until it wasn't. I'm still reeling. Good feelings, bad feelings, worried feelings, all of it.

I'm not used to my father telling me positive reinforcement.

I'm not used to being told that I'm a good boy, no, a good MAN. Especially not when the same man has said I'm the disappointment.

It's all bouncing around in my head and it's hard to calm it down. Sometimes, I wish I hadn't ever kept contact with the kinder, gentler Warner, ya know, not even after his ICU stay. But also it's ... Very mixed bag, some good to take out of that, some very, very bad. The good even is hard to take fully accepting, even, but damn... It's....... Something to be told by one of the world's biggest assholes that he knows somewhere along the line he's done wrong. And maybe I do take it accepting? Maybe he saw death straight in the face in the ICU and he's slowing down and getting old and now he's full of regrets?

Told you man, it's all daddy issues all the way down, I have nowhere else to write this

[bunnihearted]

🐰🩹🧸🏨

[volcanogoblin]

:')

[peenor]

HC when Steve and Eddie are arguing Steve starts having more nightmares

[kindnessoverperfection]

[hella1975]

the harsher parts of mental illness are always treated so so badly in media and it's genuinely very special to see someone handling them gently - especially because you've said it's very personal for you and that makes it so much easier to like? live in i suppose? because like you said the guilt can be overwhelming and the crushing weight of knowing KNOWING that you're one bad day away from wrecking an important relationship just out of pure FEAR can be so debilitating to live with especially bc people do fundamentally view that as just. a bitch response. knee jerk malice. but it's not half the time it's sheer fear (which doesn't excuse it but it does explain more) so it's nice to see that being treated like the actual complex response it is <3

yes omfg i need to stop getting surprised when taob winds up being incredibly cathartic for me bc i put a bit of myself in it and (shocker!) there are people like that who actually get it. like there are multiple people that to this day ACTIVELY dislike me because i not only said something bad to them but because i ON PURPOSE took the thing i knew would hurt them most and said it in the harshest way i possibly could. like that was a conscious effort on my part i went out of my way to think about what would hurt them and i just went for their jugular. but i wasn't doing it for the sake of meanness any more than i was doing it because they deserved it. like i said before there are two instances when i do this and that's as a defence mechanism or to self-destruct. i dont really do the former anymore - and that took YEARS to grow out of bc that was my Main Response to literally ANY conversation i didnt want to have. people are significantly less likely to ask you personal questions if you immediately try and make them cry when they do lol. this is where 90% of my 'i was a bitch in secondary school' posting comes from - but ironically the less i gave into the former the more it translated into the latter, so i lost either way and so did the people around me. i really dont think im that bad anymore bc i found ways around it and now i cant think off the top of my head anything even CLOSE to what i used to do that's happened recently, but i have YEARS OLD guilt from long dead friendships that i will - and deserve to - live with forever bc regardless of the reasoning behind it i still said terrible things. and like. it never gets talked about bc from an outside pov im very obviously being a complete cunt and who would want to sympathise with that

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

[diesoonandsuffer]

just finished journey’s end. i knew what wesley’s arc was before starting this show but now that i’ve seen it i think it’s pretty poorly executed. i’m not talking about wil wheaton leaving the show or anything i just mean the story itself. like. okay so at the beginning of this episode he says “maybe i’m tired of living up to everyone’s expectations!” which is very reasonable. he became an ensign before ever going to the academy, all of his life he’s been told that he can do great things, he’s smart and he’s special and if he studies hard and focuses he can excel. but when he’s on the enterprise this causes him to be responsible for saving the ship multiple times as a young teenager, and also, he died once. and his time at the academy clearly combined with this pressure which lead to the incident in the first duty. so him finally coming to the realization that he wants to forge a life of his own because the one thats been placed for him is ultimately not what he wants is great! but then like, a DAY later, he’s heading off with an alien because he was told that he can do great things, he’s smart and he’s special and if he studies hard and focuses he can excel. he’s literally just given himself a different set of expectations to live up to. sure, maybe there’s a freedom in this path and the opportunity of experiencing what most people both can’t and won’t is alluring, but this isn’t a happy ending. he just jumped from one thing to the other. 

i want wesley to live a mediocre life. i want him to sleep in and have messy hair, and leave it messy. i want him to shuffle his way into the kitchen and get kissed on the cheek by someone he loves. i want him to spend his day working on some little project he has going on. nothing crazy, nothing that will save the enterprise or a planet, but just something he does for fun. i want there to be no noise outside his house. i want him to decide to go to bed early, just because he can. he had more experiences before going to the academy than most people, even in the world of star trek, could have in a lifetime. i don’t want him to strive for greatness and be the most special boy in all of time and space. i want him to take a nap.

[chimmaddie]

I watched the new episode 😞

[bisexualnamjoonie]

wait so jjk1 is literally just seven so far??? like there's no other song rn no definite plans for the album no overall artistic view??? or did I misunderstand what he said in suchwita when he said he hadn't really worked on anything else so far???