#bc if it's not you it'll be a loved one
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tbh one of the reasons losing my mom 'early' is so hard is because typically in our family we live a long time. like i've done the research!! even back in the 1600s we were hitting our 80s and 90s. we must have the long life gene on my mom's side (across branches) save a few people and circumstances (but even then the ages were typically late 60-70s instead, people weren't dying at 50 or 60). like my mom's mom is still alive even with a bajillion different cancers residing in her body. so we're just not mentally prepared for losing her in her 60s when her cancer filled mom is near 80 and all of her grandparents were basically 79-100 when they died.
like other than an accident (which I guess you could argue that cancer is an accident of the body) we just didn't expect this to happen. and even with cancer.... like my nana is still here, she still is kicking despite having a million cancers since she was 49. in fact, my first distinct memory of my nana is her wearing the most atrocious red wig imaginable and scaring the shit out of me as a small child.
and she's still here! because her cancers have been able to be cut out. and my mom's hasn't for the most part. and it's just infuriatingly bad luck. because my mom has been healthy for the most part other than this. but that's been the case for almost everyone i've lost in the last few years. they were all in good health until they weren't.
#also cancer is a new phenomenon in our family#and no one has the genes (that we know of) for it#so it's 10000% bc of smoking#which per the earlier poll i reblogged - i will never touch it#my mom didn't either but had so much second hand smoke from parents that i'm sure her lungs were near black at some point#plus research proves second hand smoke is worst than just smoking yourself#don't smoke kids idk#also please advocate for disability rights and workers rights#bc if it's not you it'll be a loved one#and even if it's neither you or a loved one it should be done anyhow#i'm feeling calmer today but idk it kind of struck me that we really don't have a lot of losses in our family like everyone is still so old#but my gyno wants me to take a new gene test anyhow so#personal
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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birthday boy 🎂
#river dipping#theodore doe#matthias evanoff#a burning house to live in#echthroi#ts4#ts4 edit#simblr#ts4 screenshots#theo i hope you're having the most insane birthday sex rn i hope it's ******** and ***** and ***'** **** *** **** ***** :)<3#sorry i put off making your birthday edit for so long that i had to pivot and post this edit instead of the one i wanted </3#...very funny how similar this is to that LAST render i posted... well so WHAT!! if i think matthias looming is sexy!!#this is based on a photo that everyone was drawing their ocs as so really it's not MY fault he's back there clinging and being a freak#actually if y'all want this pose lmk... i'll share it but fyi it's only meant to be seen from the waist up and idk how it'd look#on a sim that doesn't have the same muscle mass and like. bulk. that matthias has......................................#just got rock hard after typing that... anyway.#HAPPY BIRTHDAY THEO <333333333 LOVE YOU SO MUCH I PROMISE I'M GONNA KEEP WORKING ON THE //ACTUAL// BIRTHDAY EDIT!! like .#posted abt this on the sideblog but the real edit i have planned for him is making me lose my fucking gourd#and it'll probably take me :))) a few more days to figure out#expect a depressing theo-as-a-teenager edit eventually tho. with writing!! accompanying it!!#matthias's face has changed again btw 😭 i redid it almost immediately after i posted that first render attempt so he looks DIFFERENT!!#i posted screenshots of him in cas just the other day on my other acc and he looks so good in them i might post them here too#oh and!! this edit looks massively different than my last because this screenshot was taken with a new preset i made specifically for#the real birthday edit i'm working on... it's a hallway scene so i figured out depth and density to get this really cool fog effect#i'm really excited for it!! in my head the way it looks makes me crazy but idk if i can pull it off properly. but like i WAS SAYING!!#new preset is sooo sexy after i post this i'll reblog with the before and after to show you how good it looks even w/o any editing#like. the colors....... literally have always wanted a preset like this i'm so glad i spent yesterday fucking around with it#ALSO!! i've been doing those oc/ship dynamic templates for fun recently so i might post a few of them here soon#realize i'm rambling so much in these tags bc i haven't been here in forever kfjnkfjhn ummmmm. let me stop.#EVERYONE WISH THEO HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIGHT NOW 🫵‼
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Do you have any more slay the princess art? Obsessed with it now and I really like the doodles you’ve shown before 🫶🫶 I like your design of the bird guy a lot
OH I DO ACTUALLY
nothing finished yet but hey
#slay the princess#doodles#these are the only ones cohesive enough to show lol#i do intend on finishing that second one because i LOVE the nightmare#but yeah. tiny shitty doodles of these guys haunt the sketchbook i take to work#that first one i copied digitally out of spite bc my store lead kicked the table i was drawing at#to 'subtly' let me know my break was over lol#also hi sorry did you know that if you hit shift+enter it'll just fucking post for you
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Obsessed with Lloyd never mentioning his grandfather is the First Spinjitsu Master, apparently to the point even Arin didn't seem to know, because "eh, it never came up". Cause like, yeah, sure, my grandfather is God, what of it? Normal day for me. Shit happens. My dad is also evil, you wanna talk about that? I sure don't.
It's also funny from a character arc perspective. Here's itty bitty baby first season Lloyd, loudly proclaiming he's the son of Garmadon, and probably also making sure everyone knows he's God part 3 electric boogaloo. And then one Tomorrow's Tea and a few more years later and he's doing everything physically possible to NOT care about his heritage. In fact he'd probably rather his parentage was literally anyone else. Dude could care so less he forgets about it most of the time. King behavior.
#ninjago#dragons rising#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago dr#lego ninjago#lloyd garmadon#first spinjitzu master#garmadon#text post#talk#ideas#lloyd that entire time interally was probably like 'did wu get a temple--? oh wait thats granddad. sorry granddad. i guess'#he took one look at that altar and went hm. should probably fix that. mostly cause it'll fix my problem but wu didnt raise no disrespect#(except for when the disrespect is funny) what who said that#do you think he was like 'oh thank granddad finally my godly heritage isnt screwing me over' when the ghost mentioned needing a descendant#or was he like 'well. its another day of me being grandfathers favorite i guess'#do you think sora and arin felt awkward realizing they were in the temple of lloyds granddad. meanwhile lloyd did not give a flying fck#as far as hes concerned granddad can stuff it cause hes 80% all the sht that happens to him is bc God really likes him & thinks starting#problems is an appropriate way to show his love. and he doesnt think god takes constructive criticism#he sure will try tho#also yknow his closest interactions with Gods are his dad & uncle. & Wu is. like that. & also he's so sick of garmadon's bs#'my dad is literally banging some news guy i could not respect him less if i tried. his taste has only ever been mediocre. sorry mom'
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ok this is my last one of these. maybe
#his mattress is on the ground bc he is a floorboy next question#rhombus one is particularly silly i love making fun of his synesthesia#pretty sure the lori pic is from a deleted scene but you can't tell me that wasn't the dynamic of that relationship#also love a cheeky lisa apologist post. womens wrongs etc#always gonna love and support the women of TD S1 and hate marty (affectionate) and feel... ambivalent at best towards nic pizzolatto#like thank you for writing the show but also i probably hate you#starting night country tonight and i'm excited to cement my hatred of him because i just KNOW it'll be brilliant and he's just butthurt#true detective#rust cohle#marty hart
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i finally got desdemona all her genes. please behold her because she is perfect. the soul wrangler Ever
#fr#flight rising#my dragon#dragon share#spiral#desdemona#the wasteland#i love her so much#i can't believe i initially sold her smh#i'm just glad she's back with me#she still needs two pieces of apparel but other than that she's done#i'll get the other pieces eventually but they're both gem exclusives lol#and one is notn exclusive so i'd rather just wait to get it then bc it'll be cheaper#also her id is 74361105 if you wanna give her a like (hint hint nudge nudge)
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Scribbliest sketch I ever did speedrun while listening to Violet Crazy (DPR Ian) on repeat
Context: Tim invites Kon to a gala as his plus one and is trying to teach him some rich people etiquette, which leads to Kon asking about dancing and Tim saying the young people don't really dance so much and Kon getting passionate about bringing that energy back to the ballroom (did he watch a period drama and get emotional about how intimate the dancing is? Yes he did.) and so Tim decides to teach him the few things he does know, but Kon quickly realises actually they are very close and this is a bit embarrassing, no wonder young people don't do this anymore. (And Tim doesn't really know much about dancing at all tbh but he's giving it his best shot for bestie! Fake it till you make it!) (You most certainly do not interlock fingers 🙄)
Hi I love the trope: a is pining and knows it, b is pining and has no idea 👍
Also might come back tomorrow and clean the tags up but they're so goofy to me
#i love this soooooong#THERE WAS NO SILENCE BABY BETWEEN YOU AND ME! AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY IS THIS MEANT TO BE!!#yall know Don't Go Insane but please every DPR Ian song is incredible and an experience to have#Merry Go? ballroom extravaganza? SOMETIMES I'M? sorry Moodswings Into Order is like THE album to me#1 shot vs being for Jason. Seraph also is for him. WINTERFALL. WINTERFALL FOR JASON ALSO. mr insanity a little bit.#ballroom extravaganza is OBVIOUSLY for jason too (don't worry I just love to ascribe my fav songs to him more than anyone it means nothing)#miss understood and calico are for steph if you even care#i gotta stop talking about other people in the tags hahahaha#dpr ian has a lot of really good songs that make me come up with inspiration VERY often#welcome to the show is the kids whenever bruce dies while they're all still young if you even care#STOP IT HAHAHA omg I can't help it I'm flipping through all my favs now hehe#i have to tag the art HAHAHAHA#art#digital art#fanart#timkon#tim drake#tim drake wayne#kon el kent#conner kent#screentone#manga style#skins is about bruce btw if you even SHUT UP HAHAHAHAHAHA#I'm having a fight with myself in the tags bc I'm quirky at night idk dude#superboy#robin dc#red robin dc#also I just want to say listen to saint it'll make you want to make something cool TRUST me#also last- one last- one more- LIMBOOOOOOOOOO IS FOR JASOOOOOOON and that's 30 tags babes GOODNIGHT!#tidy sketch
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a post about fic updates! so the fics im currently juggling are dog teeth, tams, and of course, taob. my original plan was to start posting the second installment of the dog teeth series by sometime in april, bc it's the fic im most into atm and i already have the first chapter done, i just want to bank another one or two because once i start posting it i want to KEEP posting it with regular updates, hopefully every 2 weeks like with kaiein. HOWEVER this will put my atla fics on a back burner. april is a good writing time for me (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) bc i have the entire month off from uni to prep for may exam season, and i always want to write when im procrastinating my degree. which is. it's own thing im sure i'll graduate it's fine i'm fine. so if i focus on dog teeth, neither tams nor taob will get focus until like. june. which is par for the course with taob but im NOT happy about doing with tams.
SO my thought process was i can either be normal about this and just accept it's literally my final year at uni and im trying to graduate and it doesn't matter if updates are slow on ANY fics, or i can do my usual and implement an insane deadline that i somehow always make by the skin of my teeth. can you guess what i went with?
and thus i present unto the crowd my tentative plan: have the next taob chapter done by middle of april (im aware this is quite hand-wavey but it gives me a month to work with, so in my head this means anything between april 10th-20th), have the next tams chapter done by the end of april, and dog teeth can follow.
#i know a lot of you are gonna swarm and tell me not to push myself/rush and i love and appreciate the fuck out of you#i PROMISE if it gets too much i will call it quits like im not about to jeopardise my final exam season for this lmao#but ultimately i do work better when i give myself these insane writing challenges and it gives me something fun to do#while im drowning in econ assignments#as for dog teeth being moved to the back burner despite it being my current passion project#im not actually too bothered by this bc i will still be working on it as i work on my atla fics#and it'll be good as a breather when those get up my arse PLUS has the added benefit of the second part of dog teeth#not actually being posted yet so technically no one's 'waiting' for anything. like kaiein exists perfectly fine as a standalone#whereas if i post ch1 of part 2 in april i then have to KEEP POSTING or it'll bug me#and then i'll have THREE updating fics to juggle#does any of this make sense. hello. tapping the security camera in my padded room is anyone there#WHATEVER. I WILL KEEP YOU GUYS POSTED <3#taob updates#tams#dog teeth
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max and i are closing in on launching [redacted sports rpf charity fest] and i am once again pondering how do i write "experience with writing form emails and manipulating google forms in ways no one has dreamed of" in a cover letter without saying "i did it for the rpf grind"...like there's no way unless everyone in this microsoft teams meeting gets really cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly. you know
#IT LITERALLY CAME UP WHILE I WAS WRITING A COVER LETTER A COUPLE WEEKS AGO#AND IT WAS SUCH A BAD COVER LETTER BC IT WAS LIKE. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN BE A VIRTUAL PROGRAMMING MANAGER#I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW I CAME BY THESE SKILLS!!!!#i did not get an interview lmao. but we stay silly#like how do u frame ''community organizer'' when you're organizing. people on the internet to create rpf fanworks. for charity#lmaooooo oh well#me and max locking down our timeline last night and i'm like 😶 the thing i have wanted to do for years is finally happening#the universe tried to smite us multiple times in multiple ways. but we persisted. and it is happening!!!#last night i had to go to the grocery store at 9pm wearing short-shorts and an oversized t-shirt bc i was really like#if i don't get a coke in me right the fuck now i am going to end it all#procured coca-cola. drank it in the parking lot. recovered instantly. got on here and started posting#went to monday night service. last one bc after this week it'll be too late at night in est :(#it was such a nice global community to be apart of. people in 5 countries on four continents showed up almost every week!#not to be christian on main. but i love working with ecumenical organizations because i meet people all over the world#who have different ways of doing church and different interpretations of scripture and different takes on faith#and i always learn so much from people! good and bad lol sometimes it's like wow i will NOT be integrating that into my worldview#yo just under one week until i move 😵💫 i decided i am packing one (1) more box and then saying fuck it we ball#whatever i forgot has to go in the car. i cannot let myself be owned by cardboard boxes any longer#and soon. freedom. new start. new beginnings. someone said ''i hope you look at this as a time of new growth and unfolding'' to me#and i went man. i think i am#like the pine trees that reseed after a forest fire#fresno oilers.txt
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last line tag game
tagged by @mellxncollie <3 thank you so much for the tag!
here's the last paragraph i wrote! it's a random snippet of edwin's pov on his first meeting with charles, right after charles asks to stay.
Charles would tire of being a ghost soon enough. While it was the only option Edwin had, Charles still had another. He missed the sorts of things from life Edwin could not, never having experienced them; it would make the spectral plane a terribly lonely place for Charles. In due time he might even grow to loathe being dead. Already Edwin feared such a future for him—for this bright-eyed, overfamiliar boy, who sought his company so recklessly. What sort of companionship could Edwin hope to offer to a soul like Charles? He did not know yet about Edwin's tendency towards fits of the sullens, his attachment to his books, his exacting and difficult nature. But it would be all right, surely; for Charles could simply go where he was appointed, when he was ready. The world would return to its proper order, then.
(*90s-teen-movie-style splitscreen flash forward to edwin's love realization* it was most certainly not all right.)
tagging @eidetictelekinetic @tw0-ravens @mostly-functional @manicpixiedreamedwins @dear-monday @likemmmcookies
#dbda#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#payneland#in the next paragraph edwin's going to be blustering about how he's not a waystation for vacillating spectres thank you very much#all while running from death through the grounds of st. hilarion's hand in hand with the PRETTIEST spectre in a singlet he's everrrr seen#give it 30 years and you're going to fall in BIG WHOPPING LIFE-ALTERING LOVE. never want to let him go - sigh into your hugs type love#just you wait. it'll be worth it. but the joke is veryyy much on you 'cause you are stuck with this one like glue :) :)#genuinely wish i could make gifs bc... he gasps when charles says 'looks like you're stuck with me' and he also gasps in that clearing#when he gets caught staring at charles. something something... parallels............#DOWN BAD DOWN BAD DOWN BAD DOWN BAD#anyway i'm done rambling now sorry
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When Al Haitham dreams, it's in shades of sandy blonde and red, metallic gold and feather-blue. His nightmares are colored much the same.
Kaveh leisurely strolls ahead of him, shoes leaving deep treads in the soft desert sand. He keeps a careful distance, arms length, and in return Al Haitham keeps an eye on him, the other man's back dead center in his sights.
He curses the sand in his boots and the long line of footprints he steps into, already the exact shape of the soles of his shoes.
They aren't lost. Al Haitham knows where they are. They've been here before. They are still here.
Kaveh doesn't watch their feet. His head is constantly tipped back with his eyes on the stars and their constellations (of which Al Haitham only knows two, Vultur Volans and Paradisaea). He'll walk right into a cactus like that. Al Haitham yells ahead for him to watch where he's going.
Kaveh reaches up to touch the side of his head in a strange motion, but otherwise there's no acknowledgement. They press on into the dark of night.
Something squelches beneath Al Haitham's boot.
It stops him short, pulls his attention like a magnet and as much as he wants to, he can't ignore it. He doesn't want to lose any more ground. But something won't let him move on. Al Haitham watches as red seeps into the golden sand, spills beyond the border of his bootprint until he slides his foot aside.
It's an ear.
It's a human ear, and there's a heavy earring attached, metallic gold, gems red and green, a familiar shape, a familiar shade-
Al Haitham opens his mouth to yell. Chokes. Swallows the lump in his throat as he quickly restarts his pace. Tries again.
"Hey!"
Another squelch under a hurried footstep. He doesn't stop to look. Al Haitham is pretty sure he knows what it is.
"Kaveh, hey!"
The path becomes littered, little slices and small pieces, fingertips and knuckles, Kaveh's arms once held casually behind his back now strewn along the sands. Every time Al Haitham extends his hand to him, reality warps and bends like the twisted image in a broken mirror, lines mismatched and edges jagged. Kaveh flits just beyond his grasp, fleeting fae, no longer able to hear him or to reach out to him. Al Haitham can only grit his teeth and follow.
His right foot marches forward. His left follows. His right again. His left suddenly doesn't follow, and Al Haitham is thrown off balance and pitches forward, swinging his arms outward to land on his palms and keep his face off the ground, because he's been in the desert enough times to know what a foot suddenly being stuck can mean.
Quicksand.
Al Haitham curses and swears in just about every language he knows as he tries to spread his weight as evenly as possible, stay afloat at the top of it because if he sinks, he knows he'll be done for, and shit, Kaveh.
His neck cranes uncomfortably in his search, Kaveh had only been a few feet in front of him, he can't be sunk much further, and he's in the desert much more often than Al Haitham anyway, he'll be familiar with what to do-
Kaveh stands in front of him, empty sleeves fluttering loose. Still just out of his grasp, still watching the stars. The quicksand is already up to his calves.
"Say, Al Haitham..." It's the first he's spoken this whole time. His voice resonates somewhere deeply nostalgic in Al Haitham's chest, produces a ripple that momentarily stuns his heart.
Kaveh is sinking.
Al Haitham stretches out on his belly as far as he's able, it's quickly up to his knees, Kaveh isn't even trying to redistribute his weight or pull himself out, it's at his thighs, Al Haitham sucks in a breath and yells for him, his hips, yells louder, his waist, Al Haitham's trembling fingertips can almost reach, his chest, Kaveh drops level with him, quicksand about his neck like a noose.
Kaveh's head tips back, back, impossibly far back, until it hangs, angle awkward, and he's looking right past Al Haitham with his tired smile and gouged, blinded sockets full of starlight.
"Do you believe in karma?"
The quicksand swallows him entirely and Al Haitham dives, shoves his arms deep and pushes off with the one foot he'd had left on safe ground, because he can't, he can't, it's not the same without Kaveh, not anymore, he needs him, no one else keeps him sharp, no one else challenges him like Kaveh, if he can just grab him, if he can just pull him back up-
Al Haitham thrashes, against the sands, against gravity, against the hardwood of his bedroom floor. Clumsily scrubs the back of his hand across his face to rub the grit of quicksand and sleep out of his eyes.
Sometimes he thinks he preferred it when the Akasha was still harvesting his dreams.
He pops his head out from under his weighted blanket and lays where he'd fallen out of bed for a moment, blinking blearily against the lamplight shining from his desk in the corner. Deep breaths. His consciousness shifts along the blurred line of nightmare and reality, crosses over the slow transition into wakeful awareness.
He's home, Kaveh is home. It's dark out. The house is dead silent.
He's just going to go check, he tells himself as he peels himself out of his sweat-soaked shirt and roots around for a replacement. He's already losing memories of his nightmare, the details spilling away from him like wet ink, but he knows he needs to see Kaveh. It'll feel better to do something, anything, than try to go straight back to sleep.
He's quiet when he slips out of his bedroom door, because they both keep late hours but their bedrooms are right next to each other, and Al Haitham will never hear the end of it if he wakes his roommate up.
Lights off, door shut. Nothing conclusive. He moves out to the main room.
Kaveh sits on one of those ridiculous sofas he'd ordered three of for some reason, back to him as he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. A mostly-empty wine bottle stands tall on the table, next to the cobbled-together remains of an architectural model that's been picked and fussed over for four days straight now.
"Kaveh? What are you doing?"
This earns him an exaggerated startle, but Kaveh doesn't turn to look at him, preoccupied with whatever new sketch or blueprint he probably has in his hands. "Ohhh, nothing," he slurs cheerfully. "Just working. Just thinking."
Kaveh has always been the world's chattiest drinker. Al Haitham waits for the rest of it.
"Say, I think...I think I asked you this years ago, back then, but you never answered me." Al Haitham feels all the blood drain from his face in ominous familiarity, drip cold down the length of his spine. Kaveh sinks into the couch until he can tip his head over the back of it, looking up at him with a tired smile and exhausted eyes.
"Do you believe in karma?"
#genshin impact#haikaveh#al haitham#kaveh#kavehtham#these two have had me chewing concrete lately god#3.6 got me frothing at the mouth#something about al haitham trying to save kaveh from himself and his own guilt complex and self-sabotage wheeee my heart#and he's normally so self-assured but he fucked it up spectacularly the first go around- good job baby-#and now it's years later he's trying again but it's something he's barely chipping away at not to mention Kaveh not wanting his help lol#and so some of Al Haitham's nightmare is objective fact and some of it is his own subjective pov#Kaveh loses his arms and ears bc al haitham is frustrated that he won't hear him out or reach out for help#and he keeps his eyes up and eventually blinds himself bc al haitham thinks of him as too idealistic and blind to reality#and kaveh does all this to himself bc when you ask al haitham about his troubles he talks about people who cause trouble for themselves#kaveh pondering the concept of karma in relation to his bad luck and misery and guilt about his father's death in the quicksand *fans self*#al haitham starting to get just a little nervous that maybe he really he can't do anything about this#or that one day it'll be too little late ough. love when I can whump character by whumping the other.#two for one special buy one get one two birds stoned at once type of deal#i have a Vision about them and their stupid dumbass relationship dynamic that I need to yell about later but for now: this#written while listening to A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers which hilariously was introduced to me as a pla Emmet song#'but here was a man mourning tomorrow; he tried to finally drown in his sorrow'#'oh he could not break surface tension; he looked in the wrong place for redemption'#'don't look at me with those eyes; I tried to unheave the ties; turn back the tide that drew him in'#'but he couldn't be saved'#'a sadness runs through him'#extremely kaveh and haikaveh song for me ough#my fics#gore#body horror#I mean it's pretty unrealistic but still just in case
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the thing about romcoms is just- it's never meant to be 'is it believable?' but instead 'do you believe it?' do you believe these two characters are actually falling in love with each other??? do you believe their chemistry??? do you believe whatever obstacle is thrown in their way is legitimately something that might keep them apart for a time and not something that could be solved with one conversation?? do you believe that they believe they need to fake date for this very specific reason??? do you believe the reason why they're 'enemies' at the start, no matter how silly a misunderstanding it may be??? do you believe the grand romantic gesture fits the characters and is actually how one character would show their love to the other?? like!!!! it's about empathy and authenticity and feeling what the characters feel so strongly that even if it's a trope or a cliché it doesn't matter because you believe it
#this is what separates a good romcom from a bad romcom for me#if the conventions of the genre are used in a way that feels authentic to the characters then it'll never feel cheesy#one of my biggest pet peeves is some of the romcoms of the last decade who have this real 'we're not like other romcoms' energy#where they try to act like they're Different and move away from the usual tropes but it's shit bc that's not the point!!!!#those tropes and conventions are staples of the genre for a reason#it's how you utilise them and incorporate them that matters#like fuck me i hate action movies but i know if i go see one there's a 99% chance there'll be a car chase scene#bc that's usually a staple feature of an action movie and i mean idc but that's fine bc i know it has a function in the story to increase#the tension#and even at that someone who really loves action movies could probably tell me the difference between a good car chase scene & a subpar one#in the same way that just saying something is fake dating doesn't automatically make it good#but if i believe it and i'm in it with the characters? oh boy i'm about to feel so dELIGHTED for the next 90 minutes thank you so much#anyway i'm rewatching the lost city and every second of this movie is so silly in a fun way and fantastical but oH BOY DO I BELIEVE IT#mine
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it's crazy to me that angsty broody danny™ is as popular as it is in fanon when it's like first off have you even MET danny and secondly SAM EBONY DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY MANSON IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE OUT OF ANYONE IN THE TRIO SHE'S THE ONE WHO'S GONNA ACT LIKE THAT OK I NEED MORE OF Y'ALL TO REALIZE THIS
THIS RIGHT HERE IS LITERALLY WHAT SAM VS DANNY WOULD LOOK LIKE ACTUALLY
#sam is the kind of kid who will romanticize her own pain and sadness and chooses to wallow in it#but then tucker and danny are like for the love of god PLS LIGTHEN UP (obviously said from a place of love and concern)#like danny will give other ppl for example sam here good advice like you're not a burden#maybe idk actually talk abt your feelings w me or tuck we're your friends and we care abt you ok <3#but then danny will turn around and ignore/dismiss his own feelings/problems#bc he's like oh i don't wanna burden my friends w my emotional bs so i'm just gonna repress it and one day it'll go away this is fine :)#basically danny doesn't practice what he preaches is what i'm saying#danny phantom#robi rambles
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just a housekeeping post, but if i'm slower answering asks for a bit, it's bc i'm working on SladeRobin week! none of your asks are being ignored, i just completely forgot about that until now and i want to try to complete every prompt so. pray for me, i think. but as always i love all the anons sending the lovely dead dove content <3
#necrotic nuisance#also i WILL come back to the whump prompts those are NOT done pinky promise#also i'm so close to hitting 250 followers and when i do that i'm reblogging an ask game that's all opinions#so like. they'll be easier to handle bc it'll just be my thoughts rather than coming up with headcanons#like i will likely hit 250 either tomorrow or the day after so expect that!#i lvoe you all so dearly and i love that i'm slowly collecting all the dead doves flying around this fandom#you're all mine now. we're a flock.#anyway i'm going to do a lot of different pairings for sladerobin week#i'm trying to behave and not make it all sladetim won't lie.#bc it calls me.#also i'm doing one with CARRIE.#so i can force you all to be carrie fans.#it's non negotiable#carrie content is the trojan horse i snuck into this blog.#you will be subject to it.#anyway this is just a heads up#i have over 70 asks rn. oh my.#this was gonna be an opinion and comics meta blog. where am i.#i mean i'm happy but i got lost somehow#win win. honestly
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how did u choose your username?
oh, this is a fun one!! i think i considered being swordtold at first, for that very ancient myth vibe of the sword being this narrative tool for adventure and structure and physical time, the parable being passed down through the centuries until it meddles into modern day rhetoric and ideology – a kind of fantastical tool, a spark of magic, of possibility.
i like the arc of the story of a place being physical / having it be held by time and hand alike, wearing with the years and having it become something different to each holder, each reader, each experience fantastical and individual.
having that kind of physicality to it; swordheld is the action of taking up and holding the sword yourself, choosing your own narrative, leading your own story. self-identity has always been something i struggle with (a novel concept i know, i know), so it felt right for this blog, since most of my older blogs before this one have been just me silently reblogging and never really posting anything myself, and i wanted this to be the change to that.
i've always had trouble wranging my social anxiety, esp. on the internet, and previously thought that keeping my words to myself helped keep the timeline cleaner, in a way, no messy thoughts for others to sort through, especially ones i believed no one would want to read anyway? but it never felt right, keeping myself apart from it all, esp. not in the way i so avidly enjoyed reading others' posts and additions, keeping their words close to my heart.
i wanted it to reflect that this was a space i was holding for myself? and i'm a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but this - this i think i got right. i love being here, on this blog, and the joy that it brings me. everyone else enjoying it too has been a wild ride that i never expected, and still surprises me, one that brings a little extra thrill to my heart whenever i think about it.
i had other urls that i liked, but i didn't want this blog to be tied directly to any of my fandom/story interests, since i wanted it to really just be a sort of archive of artistic inspiration and resource, like a little library or museum. i use them now as lil sideblogs of more niche interests now, which is rather lovely.
it hasn't always felt like it fit perfectly, the way that i'd like, but for some reason i can't think of really wanting to change it anytime soon. it feels mythic yet modern in a way that feels like puzzle pieces finally slotting into their place, something my own and inspirational to me, like a lantern i'm holding to make my way by. my own kind of light, if that makes sense – a star i know by name.
#q&a.#birdsong.#all of this is truly just a way to say: it's your blog! it's your party! do what you like if it makes you happy!! (and doesn't hurt anyone!#live your dreams!!!!!! do your own thing truly it is worth it. which feels silly and cheesy inspirational talk vibes but u kno. it's right#thank u for ur question tho !!! it's been so long that i don't really remember exactly what the beginning of it all was?#it wasn't always my url for this blog esp. in the beginning but i've forgotten what that was ghjk so sorry dear anon !#like little flashes of a story in my memory i have to make out / like steam or fog on a window pane. blurry and unclear?#but now it feels more intentional / almost like watercolor! something that mixes itself into a new thing; bright and bursting w/ it all.#i hope this answers ur question nicely all the same tho <3#i always on habit write out lantern as lanturn so this is an unintentional shout out to one of my fav pokemon love u lanturn !!#some of these things i truly do just write out bc i know it'll make me laugh later if i ever come back to it. lil joys for ur future self !#and that IS a reference to the dickinson poem ' i am out with lanterns looking for myself ' it is in my brain always ! ! thank u ! !
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