#bc i'm gonna have to say goodbye to my family again and this break did not feel long enough

[butchdykeorpheus]

.

[diazpatcher]

7x09 my thoughts

"my resignation" WHAT BOBBY WHAT. this man needs extensive therapy bc why does he think he doesn't deserve good things.😭

Athena being the supportive wife she is. "Walking away from the 118" THOSE ARE YOUR KIDS

Edmundo noches is at it, with his ex dead wife's doppelganger 💀 the date is waaaaaaaaaaay to romantic for 2 people who aren't an official item.

Eddie baby no, you're not only emotionally cheating you are full on cheating bro 😭💀 pls let her be part of his mental breakdown.

Athena fighting for bobby even when bobby doesn't want to anymore:( Athena is such a great wife I can't fucking handle it.

Finally they talk about Bobby's struggles, of balancing his past and his present and the guilt he has😭 as much as I want retirement for the Grant-Nashes I don't want Bobby to leave 😭

Bobby is straight up evil, he wants to retire and before he does so, he takes care of every single person in his team "they're not the only kids you're raising Mother Hen"😭

BUCK is the Chef😭 BRO THE WAY HES ACTING MAKES ME THINK HES GONNA DIE😭

Buck and Eddie cooking together😭

Buck looking at Bobby the way a kid looks at their dad waiting for praise 😭 im not okay bro that whole sequence fucked me over. BOBBY😭 7 years😭 "here's to seven more" 😭 Their father son relationship makes me want to chew on glass 😭😭😭 "it's been my pleasure kid"

BUCK MEETS THE DOUBLE, OMG. THE WAY HIS FACE FELL😭 He is so fucking funny I can't 😭OH OH BUCK IS MAD. He used the Back door💀😭 The way he's trying to figure out if Marisol is still around lmao😭 "Eddie who's kim" HILARIOUS ACTUALLY. "Marisols my girlfriend, she just a friend" "a friend who's a dead wringer for your dead wife' OKAY BUCK😭 Buck has healed he is ready to confront and pull Eddie out of his ass. The way Eddie is trying to justify his actions, "does this poor woman know thay she is a carbon copy of your dead wife"

"Im worried about you" HUSBAND BEHAVIOUR 😭😭😭

The kids🥺🥺😭 Wilson-Han family is so special to me❤️ Chim knowing something is wrong with Bobby!!!

I knew that the Council woman was gonna be a bitch. I knew it.

I feel so bad for Kim. She got pulled into this mess it's insane. "But I'm not her" THIS POOR WOMAN. she knows Eddie just wants to replace Shannon with her 😭😭 heartbreaking. "which was not fair to you"

Hey anyways Eddie did that after buck talked to him even his break up with his ex wife's doppelganger is colored by the interactions with buck.

"I never meant to lead you on"

"but you did" 😭 "I guess she was the love of your life" STOPOP😭😭😭

Eddie should be talking about this with Frank 💀

"living happily in Florida with his husband" lmao💀 Okay either Amir is gonna help Bobby or he's gonna torch the place. oh he's gonna torch the place. right.

Mom and Dad are fighting 😭 oh god Athena is so desperate. She's trying so hard. "You're making your round to say goodbye" 😭 Athena still worrying about Bobby being suicidal. "And you're standing on the ledge of a building again, Bobby." 😭 I'm in shambles. somebody glue me back together.

Athena doesn't know about the Book...

"I threw it in the trash on the night of our first date." She gave him hope that he was worth something 😭.

Garica is a BITCH. idc what happened to her she's a bitch. Who is she to refuse Mara a home😭 just bc her idiot son refused treatment. They're ripping apart a family they don't give a shit. Fuck CPS. fuck those 2 especially. ripping Mara out of Karen's grasp what the fuck. Fuck this what the fuck.

WHAT. THE FUCK. IS KIM DOING. SHE GOT A HAIRCUT AND IS.WEARINF SHANNONS DR3SS???????? Eddie looks as horrified as I do. She's pretending to be Shannon IM GOING INSANE. Kim is so smart istg. "You have to let me go" 😭 She is doing the right thing but my god this is psychotic to watch 😭

Eddie finally FINALLy letting go of Shannon is so 😭 he deserves peace. Eddie breakdown era 2.0 let's go. he sounds like a little boy so scared and angry and hurt. CHRIS WALKING IN WITH MARISOL !!!

Bobby, Bobby??? bobby... oh. oh no. He is, he's drinking. Oh my god. he dreamed of his dad while HIS HOUSE IS ON FIRE. ATHENA!! he gets to save his family this time. BOBBY???? HE HAD A HEARTATTACK WHAT.

[wikiangela]

wip wednesday

I wasn't gonna post anything until I get back from my vacation but I'm reading the prequel to "they both die at the end" and it prompted an idea of a little crossover sad fic with a tragic mcd ending and I'm gonna break my own heart with this one for sure 😂 (@thebravebitch said what I have so far is good and I trust her judgment lol ❤️)

so here's a little snippet I wrote on my phone bc I couldn't help myself and wait a few days 😂

______

His phone ringing wakes him up. At first he's confused, not registering it's his phone, since it's not even his ringtone. It takes him a few seconds to recognize it, and when he does, he looks at his phone and freezes, the words "DEATH-CAST" showing up as the caller ID.

He doesn't panic. When he answers the call, they'll tell him he's going to die in the next twenty four hours - or, twenty two hours, since it's after 2am already, they took their time to deliver this news. But he doesn't panic, he doesn't worry, he just freezes, and wonders if he should answer the call at all. After all, he's not even sure he believes in this whole damn thing.

One thing he does know is that no one will even try to convince him that he's going to die soon. They don't know shit.

*

It's not a new information that Eddie Diaz is what can be classified as a skeptic. He's not a believer in supernatural forces, magic, jinxes, ghosts, lately he even struggles with religion, despite his abuela's best efforts. Everyone in his life is aware of that.

So when this dude showed up out of nowhere claiming he can predict when people are gonna die, with no details or explanation, and give them one last day to sort out their affairs and say goodbye - Eddie called bullshit. He wasn't about to spend money on the off chance that they'll let him know when he's about to die. With being in the army, shot at every day, and even now with being a firefighter, he's aware of his own mortality more than your average person, he's already had more brushes with death than most people.

But he bought the subscription anyway, for his whole family. He had his parents, his abuela, his tía, and his wife trying to convince him, and they didn't succeed - he still thinks it's bullshit - but at least that got them to shut up about it. So, since then they spent thousands every year on subscribtions to this dumb service for himself, Shannon, and Christopher, and it was a waste of money, in Eddie's opinion.

And then, shortly after he moved to LA with his son, when he reconnected with his estranged wife, trying to see where this would go, but no matter what, his son was getting his mom back, and things were starting to look up again - Shannon got the call.

Eddie didn't belive it, but she did, and she decided to live this day like it's her last - which it ended up being, after all, but Eddie's still not sure if it wasn't some freak coincident.

That's what he's trying to tell her, when she's asking for a divorce that they don't have time to get finalized before he becomes a widower. She looks at him over the table in the little café they met, and there's nothing but peaceful acceptance, mixed with a bit of sorrowful regret for what she'll miss, in her eyes.

"Please make sure Christopher remembers I love him. I loved him, and I'll continue to love him from wherever we go after." she says with feeling, but at the same time she's almost casual about it. As if the prospect of dying within who knows how many hours wasn't a big deal. As if the only big deal is leaving her child once again, this time permanently.

Eddie can't take this. He won't believe this.

He still has trouble believing when he arrives on a call to a car accident later, and sees Shannon lying there on the street. Logically, he knows it makes sense, there's been a lot of people he's heard about who got the call and died, there's no reason not to believe it. But there's also not a lot of reasons to believe it, it might all just be a coincidence. Eddie's not about lose Shannon. Chris is not about to lose his mom. It's not fair. And he can't help blaming the stupid Death-Cast program.

____

No pressure tags (I'm on vacation and I'm barely on here so I really have no idea who already did it lmao) @panbuckley @honestlydarkprincess @jamietarts @shortsighted-owl @elvensorceress @translasso @alyxmastershipper @silentxxsoul @mrevanbuckley @buck-tartt

[beldaroot]

ANITA !!!! aaahhh ok so i’ve been super busy these past few weeks so i’m just catching up on buddy daddies ep 9&10 now and!!!! I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT IT TO SOMEONE!!!

ok first of all, any kind of sports day/festival episode in an anime is my absolute favourite and this one did not disappoint !!! i was literally smiling like an idiot the entire episode because of how into it kazuki and rei were, like rei sneaking into the school the night before so he could get the best seats in the front???? the cutest thing i’ve ever seen HELP OTL and rei getting all depressed because he tried to cheer on miri and accidentally made her trip ??? you’re telling me this man is an cold blooded assassin?? gsbshagsjshsk except i have to admit i fully sobbed at the end when miri had to find “family” for the scavenger hunt and she got her papas!!! i was crying just like kazuki in that scene T^T

but ohhh my god episode 10….. this one hurt so bad!!! of course at this point we know that kazuki and rei love miri and that they’ve grown used to this little family of theirs, but in this episode it really hit them of HOW MUCH of a family they really are and it’s really shattering my heart to see this family break up just when they’re all starting to be happy together T^T i loved kazuki taking miri and rei out for one last fun day together it was so sweet but the entire time i was only thinking about how they’ll have to say goodbye to their little miri soon…. i’m so anxious about what’s gonna happen next i just hope that these 3 will have a happy ending…. but i have a feeling we’re in for a bit more hurt :’[ do you have any theories for this show?? i’d be interested in hearing them if you do!!!

anyways sorry for this super long ask!! but you’re the only person i know who watches bd and i need to let all of my emotions out haha!! have a lovely day/night <3

ahhhhhh sunny i'm so glad you've caught up with the episodes!! i should've warned you how emotional these last two episodes were, i'm sorry!! but i'm so glad you enjoyed them :')

ep 9 was soooo silly and fun! i also love festival/sports day episodes and i knew kazuki was gonna be competitive as hell but it was so nice seeing rei be just as supportive and protective! i cracked up when he also wanted to kill that lil boy for getting to close to miri lol but i was also crying at his face when he made miri fall and when he realized miri gave him the "family" paper! rei's just stepped up so much (like the cereal onigiri OTL) and is really allowing himself to be emotional and i'm glad kazuki doesn't pressure him to change, that it's coming naturally bc rei genuinely cares for this lil family he has :')

and ep 10..... oh you don't understand how much i was BAWLING my eyes out over it!!! right when we see rei and kazuki open up to be a family and start anew, it all has to come crashing down OTL kazuki trying to lighten the mood by having one last fun day was precious, but then it got to the ferris wheel ride and i couldn't see past my tears bc it was so bittersweet! and then realizing that kazuki wrapping the scarf is a direct parallel to the cat in the first episode?!? i honestly don't want to make many theories bc i don't want to get my hopes up.... but i wish that it all ends with a happy ending. i think this show has been v successful so i wouldn't be surprised if they had an ova/movie in the works? if they do, then i can see it ending bittersweetly, like miri stays with her mom but comes visit kazuki and rei still, but then the ova goes into eliminating rei's family so there isn't any threat to miri anymore and then they can all live together? i'm not sure what's gonna happen with miri's mom though... like i don't want her dead lol but if she leaves again i feel like that would hurt miri a lot :( UGH it's all so sad to think about! but no matter what, they've all changed bc they've met each other and their one year together will always make them a family! <3 if you have any theories let me know!!!

[gon-and-killuas-mother]

i'm nearly done moving everything to my dad's house. just gotta go back to the apartment today to get all the leftover stuff and do some cleaning.

my body is very against the idea, yesterday was insanely difficult on me. but bc my friends are wonderful, i am in much better shape than i would've been otherwise. at the expense of their own fatigue and body pain, they made sure i took enough breaks and that i didn't take too many trips up and down the stairs. if i'd tried to help like i wanted to, i doubt i'd even be mobile today.

once everyone had gone home and i had to swing back by the apartment last night for a couple more things (like the cat food someone forgot to put in the car) i did take a moment to say goodbye to the apartment. i know it's an inanimate thing, but i have carried this accumulated trauma over moving since i was little. between the divorce(s) and the frequent changes of houses, i was able to make a safe space for myself in each home only to have to pack it up again a year or two later. kid me never got to grieve properly, or say goodbye to the houses. my homes.

so last night, i wept alone in the almost empty apartment. it was my first solo home, and it saw me through some of the hardest, most painful times of my life. but it also saw me grow into a more confident adult, someone who wasn't afraid to take up space anymore.

i couldn't be more grateful for that year-and-a-half of living on my own. after a lifetime of tucking myself inward to be more convenient to my family and then later to my roommates, i learned how to be comfortable with myself. i made friends with my neighbors. i was, for a while, independent and free.

now, though, i have to accept that i can no longer support myself. my body can't take the extra work of keeping a job, doing my chores, running errands, and staying healthy all on top of my disabilities. moving back into one of my childhood homes is a bizarre experience. i got home very late this morning after that trip back to the apartment, and had to creep quietly through the dark to not wake anyone up. the same smells, the same creaks and groans of the floors and stairs, the same hums of the AC, everything i remembered from childhood almost overwhelmed me.

luckily, my new room is in the downstairs "condo" my dad had built for my sister and her niece. it's made of two rooms, a bedroom and part of the den that used to make up half of the downstairs area. it's honestly bigger than my entire apartment, plus the bathroom i'm using is across the hall with the laundry room and the kitchen is upstairs, so my two rooms are all my living space rather than amenities.

my knees aren't going to enjoy the little hill between my car and the front door, nor the stairs. but now, if my body says "no stairs today", i'll have my brother and my dad to bring me whatever i might need.

now if only i could figure out how i'm gonna pay that last months rent on time ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

lastly. this might be the best possible time to start writing my book. if i can't work, and i can't do much other than stay home tending to my body, then this could be a good moment for me to word-vomit some rough drafts. and Dad would probably be pretty supportive, he's also a self published writer and has always appreciated my interest in writing. i may even let him read some of my drafts except for the possible steamy sections no way is he reading those

anyway. long day, long weekend, ready to start this new chapter of my life. saying goodbye to a home is, somehow, harder to me than saying goodbye to a person. maybe bc there's no going back? idk. signing off.

[benka79]

After Dark (We see the light)

Buddie Meta 911 503

Hello friends. Okay I told you this is gonna be a short meta bc we had just a little from Buddie at the end but it was very, very rich in visuals and body language.

Whispers: I just dissected the lockers buddie scene... 😏🔥

Just a few words about the kidnapping

I know we don't wanna talk about this ¡I don't wanna talk about this) but it was the main topic in this episode so I need to say a few words...

First of all, it was a very ugly and boring and weird way to show us this "storyline" as they described in the promo.

But let's rescue some interesting points:

-Another good neighbor helping by recording with her cellphone what was happening with Harry and his raptor. Again, neighbors saving lives just like they did in episode 502.

- Another hint to the idea that "no one is safe".

- Harry's kidnapping as a Foreshadow of Eddie being hostage in 507.

- The whole episode and the whole kidnapping process happened in the darkness. (Visual symbolism as I pointed in my previous meta here.)

- When Athena confronts Jeffrey she also makes a reference to darkness and light, and the firefam appeared illuminating the place. This is a reference about how the family they choose, the people they love, it's always there to support you and help you in bad moments too.

- When the woman asks Michael if Athena was his wife, he answers "Ex-wife", as a premonition of Eddiana break up at the end of the episode.

- The 118 unity assists a 911 call in which a man said his friend had been shot. This was a blatant reference to 413 and 414. The difference was the brachial artery.

- When the firefam goes to find Harry, we had a brief Buddie moment, again working together.

- Harry doesn't want to talk about his traumatic experience. (I talked about this in the previous metas with two characters with talking difficulties, as a Foreshadow for Harry.

- Maddie and her depression is taking relevance now that she thinks she is dangerous for her daughter. Imagine the pain she is handling thinking about this? I can't even...

The Light is Here

Time for some Buddie meta now.

First scene: the Lockers.

Buck sees Eddie coming out and smiles. This smile could mean a lot of things. But because this is a buddie meta, that smile is from someone that didn't expect find his crush still there. A nice surprise to see him again. Even when they were so many days together, you always celebrate the fact that you can have a little more of your crush, right?

Buck says he thought Eddie would be the first leaving because he had a little person waiting for him: Christopher.

The important thing here was the way Buck is talking to Eddie.

Look at him. He is smiling the whole time, eyes focused on Eddie. It reminded me that time in the kitchen. The fondness and the devotion towards Eddie are loud here. The longing, even when Buck implies "Hey Christopher is waiting for you, someone is waiting for you, that's awesome" it felt as is he wished he had that too.

But the smile, the soft gaze and even the voice he uses, is screaming Buck's yearn for Eddie.

Then we had Eddie avoiding Buck's gaze again.

Eddie had been thinking the way to break up with Ana. The seriousness in his face told us he had been thinking about it a lot. But even when he tried to find the word, he couldn't. He only stares at Buck to deliver a strong message.

When he mentions the name of Ana, sending Buck the idea of him breaking up right now, once he gets home.

The hidden message to Buck here is "Look, I'm following your advice, okay? I'm breaking up with her. I don't love her. And is happening now."

Then Eddie leaves and Buck's reaction is... priceless...

Buck is speechless. He can't believe it. First of all, because Eddie is following his advice. Eddie is not like Abby. Eddie is breaking up with her to release her. Eddie is honest. But then, he blinks nervously. Eddie breaking up with Ana means Eddie will be single again.

Remember season 4 opens with Buck saying "I don't tell people how I feel", who was these people? Well, his parents and Eddie. He even bought a book "5 languages of love" to learn how to express his feelings for Eddie. But Eddie started to date Ana, and every hint of being with him vanished. And that's why the sarcastic "What's Ana love language?" Full of Jealousy.

Now, Eddie is gonna be single again. And you can't tell me that reaction from Buck watching Eddie leave is not expressing exactly this: HOPE.

Even Athen mentions HOPE IN THE DARK in this episode.

Second scene: Honey, I'm Home

Suddenly, when the black out ends, we witnesses a continuum of parallels with people coming back home and family waiting for them. The first one is Hen, in video-call with her son. The kid is waiting for her after 5 days.

Then Athena's kids. Then Eddie having breakfast with Christopher and Ana...

And then we have Buck. And the contrast is HUGE. The writers made it blatant to show us BUCK IS ALONE. Even when he's dating Taylor, he is alone. Because Taylor is married with her job, and again, Buck is put to a side.

The irony in Buck's quote: "Honey, I'm home." Is representing his loneliness. His girlfriend is not what Buck wants for him. Buck wants to be seen (just like Norman) he wants to have what that old married gay couple had THAT'S LOVE. Buck wants his own beautiful love story. He wants a person who waits for him at home. That's why the yearn in his voice while he was talking with Eddie in the lockers. Maybe because he was imagining what wonderful would be to come back home together with Eddie and Christopher waiting for them.

This is the preamble to Buck/Taylor future break up. As I wrote in this spec post here.

So, Eddie already has the family he wants with Buck, but he doesn't know it yet, and Buck wants to have a lover who sees him for real. That person is Eddie, but he's not his lover, but his best friend. Well, not his lover yet.

Third scene: "I guess is your mess now."

Okay, we finally are in the Eddiana break up. I really felt sorry for her. Really. She was nervous at first, we can say it because her body language and the verbiage. Her body moved from side to side, trying to clean up the mess in the kitchen.

She knew what was going on. So she was the one saying it first. Eddie just added some few words about Christopher loving her, but the girl knew everything. That's why the talk was quick. There were no more words to say. She chose Spanish to say goodbye to him, because it was one of the things that they had in common, like a mechanism of defense. Then she says he is a great father. This is very important, because she knows Eddie was trying hard to fall in love with her because of Christopher.

But what caught my attention was Ana saying: "I guess it's your mess now" talking about the kitchen, but symbolizing the huge mess that will be Eddie from now on. And the mess is in the kitchen. The place in which Eddie and Buck flirted. The place in which Eddie looked at Buck so fondly as he interacted with Christopher.

That kitchen yells buddie. And it's a mess now. Because what is about to come my friends, is Eddie slowly realizing he is in love with Buck. Let's wait an see.

To Conclude:

Several storylines on the horizon, as the producers said. So we had Harry handling his post kidnapping trauma, maybe not talking about it.

Maddie and Chim story, with Maddie's depression and the seek of Maddie.

Buck's inner desire of being seen vs his relationship with a absent girlfriend.

Eddie rediscovering his sexuality through the realization of his own romantic feelings for Eddie, maybe will be expressed by a lot of Jealousy towards Taylor and some little fights over there. And Buck completely oblivious about Eddie's feelings.

Buenos Aires, October 6th 2021 9:21 AM

[wtf-amiru]

What did they think of Hydaelyn in the beginning? Did they change their mind about her since then?

oh boy, this is one I don't think about often lol let's figure this out

A'miru's not religious, she's not against it, she's just not found anything there in the past so I think the disembodied voice was a bit of a "I'm fully losing my mind, aren't I" in the beginning, not some higher calling, until Thancred introduced her to Minfilia. Then it was a lot of...I hesitate to say trepidation, she wasn't afraid for anything, but she was hesitant to put a lot of stock into it, it seemed to be a truthful situation but it was a lot of her hard work that went into it too and that's kind of where things sat for a long time in a state of 'I can neither prove or disprove this thing but things seem to be working out for the better with it'. A'miru's a very here and now kind of person, so lets just throw her back in time for a minute. Her connection with Venat was instant, it fully gave me an explanation for her to have taken the dancer class (mechanically she took it because it's a class I like to play, but it's a very not A'miru class at all) and she was kind of an instant momly figure for her; the vibes were entirely right right from the instant she dropped in while Hyth was rambling about sharks, like two peas in a pod, instant family. One of the things A'miru has the most issues with is losing people, in any manner; she does not handle it well ever. When she got back from Elpis, after a good long cry and snuggle with her bf and a nap, she was ready to break Fourchenault's entire face just to get down there and see her again bc omg that voice has been Venat all along and holy shit she felt bad for ever doubting it and then, well, she had to say goodbye to her again and again, did not handle it well at all. Luckily she had a lot on her plate to distract her at the time. After Ultima and knowing everyone's back down in the sea hanging out she's dealing a bit better than normal. It's more important to A'miru who Hydaelyn was before she was Hydaelyn and why she became Hydaelyn, than what Hydaelyn stood for in her time to A'miru now. She's gonna get G'raha to write a book one day.

Arannis, my little fate child, is a different, more simple salad lol. He was brought up in such a flurry of cultures he kind of very quickly learned to nod along and put his faith in "whoever was listening and able to respond" for a long time so holy shit was he surprised when she started actually responding. He wasn't in a position to be picky, she was gentle and seemed kind and to harbor no ill intent so he was on board pretty quickly. He got mildly worried when she got really quiet during Stormblood, but the anomaly had been her contact with him in the first place, so her getting quiet felt like how it'd been before, which didn't bother him too much; who was he to demand time with cosmic deities anyway, she probably had a good reason. I think the revelations during Shadowbringers was just a touch beyond Arannis' comprehension tbh, I don't think he fully understood the implications until he went to Elpis and saw it himself, very much a visual learner that one, you gotta draw it out for him, not explain with words- probably why he didn't mind the echo visions tbh. When he was in Elpis Venat felt like a sibling, something Arannis never really had but kind of always wanted bc everyone around him had siblings and he was the only only child. Arannis wasn't as eager to get down and see Hydaelyn, he deals with loss a lot better and he doesn't have the anxiety driven over protectiveness that A'miru struggles with. He wasn't upset he had to fight her and see her leave. This was it, this was the culmination of her work and it was her way of finally going back to the star, he fully got that and knew she'd be fine, almost felt honored to be a part of it even. But then he knew that if she'd done it, that they'd have to do it; they'd have to succeed and boy that pressure did something to him for a minute. I think Arannis cares a bit more about what Hydaelyn was in his time to people than A'miru does, I think he thinks about the people who are or were like him growing up and just praying to someone who bears no ill intent and will listen and how important that can be to a person.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CXVI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

The Mal'ak Box Symbolism

(14x11/14x12)

Hi My lovelies! Today we are gonna talk about another Dean's emotional prison: The Mal'ak Box.

This meta is a resume of my season 14 metas from these episodes.

You can find 14x11 and 14x12 here: X, X, X, X, X and X.

Coming Back to the Prison

The whole episode 14x11 was Dean saying goodbye to his beloveds (Sam, Donna and Mary). Avoiding to face Castiel because even when he said Sam was the only one who could convince Dean to not do that, Castiel was the only one who could really stop him.

There was a few things I want to point out before jumping to next episode:

Mary and Donna talking about their break ups with their lovers' was a foreshadow for the incoming Destiel break up.

The Mal'ak Box was a symbolic representation of Dean in the closet and writers pushing him there (yeah, writers and C*W). By making AUMichael (Dean's toxic masculinity) hitting his head each time he was thinking in a way out. This way out means Dean accepting his feelings for Castiel and finally confessing his love for him.

Dean's ILY Journey was following it's steps by telling Sam'I love you guys for trying', after his ILY to his mom in episode 12x20, interrupted again in episode 15x09. So sad.

Another important addition to the symbolism of the construction of this box was the fact that while Dean was making it, there was sparkles in the air and the sparkles were showering hot brunette shirtless cowboys that were blatantly Castiel's mirror. This was because Dean was thinking about Castiel while he was making that box to repress his feelings for him forever.

Dean and words

Writing just a few words about the whole biblical symbolism of episode 14x12, the only important point was each one of the references were linked to the sacrifice of the first born, it means, to Dean and his Mal'ak Box. But it was also preluding Jack's death at the end of the season. And the attempt of Dean of killing him.

Another creepy thing was Nick and Lucifer representing a dar Destiel mirror. The whole prayer to Luci in the Empty and the awakening of Lucifer through Nick's longing just like Dean did through his longing and Jack with Castiel in the Empty (13x03). And I innocently thought it was a foreshadow of Dean rescuing Castiel from the Empty at the end of the show. (Sobs loudly).

I'm gonna focus this second half just on the two Destiel scenes in episode 14x12.

So... Bc Castiel represents everything Dean wants and represents everything what he can't have and is reminding him all the time that HE'S LOVED AND HE DESERVES TO BE SAVED AND HE IS WORTH IT, he needs to AVOID HIM. Bc the FIRST BORN SACRIFICE REQUIRES NOT HAVE THIS THINGS.

The first one was the phonecall.

Gif set credit @starsmish

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

I wrote all of those thoughts after comparing Dean Winchester's communicating his feelings to his brother (which he does it well and honest) against Dean Winchester communicating his feelings to Castiel (a perfect failure).

This is because Sam represents Family Love and Castiel romantic love, which make things more difficult to Dean.

Now, let's go to thw Hospital and Dr. Cas (fanservice and a delight to see).

The dialogue between Dean and Castiel was full of second meanings.

CAS: Hey, Dean. What happened to him – that was my fault. It was necessary. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t regret it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that there could’ve been another way.

DEAN: I know the feeling.

CAS: Oh, no. No, please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just stop.

DEAN: Okay, alright. Why don’t we talk about that later?

CAS: Because, according to your plan, there won’t be a later.

This is funny, because is Dean the one bringing the topic and when Castiel tries to keep talking about it, with his obvious against the plan position, Dean is avoiding it again.

DEAN: Cas… if you are a friend of mine, then you will understand that I have to do this and you won’t try to stop me. You think this is easy on me? It has to be done.

Gif set credit @starsmish.

Castiel shooting again with honesty, and Dean... Can't respond... But look at his face. He swallows, dimples of discontent, and the movement of his face and his eyes are saying: "Please don't make me say it... I could never say goodbye to you."

To Conclude:

I think the Mal'ak box was a recoil of Dean's character and it was a prelude of his sad ending.

The differences between San and Dean communication and Dean and Castiel communication are huge. The centric meaning in all of that is because Sam represents family and Castiel represents Dean's love interest, everything what Dean wants and he can't have.

Hope you liked this one, see you in the next one.

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @dizzypinwheel @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @belacoded @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @deancasgirl777

If you want to be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from this season here you have the links:

Vol. CIX, CX, CXI, CXII, CXIII, CXIV, CXV.

Buenos Aires June 6 2021 2:32 PM

[x-exo]

*slides into your asks with a rose in my mouth* why hello, tis me!

Apologies for the long wait but your favorite long asks anon is here and OOF so much has happened. Let us break it down one by one lol

Monsta x our beans, welp we can officially say we are army wives for them because shownu is now at the military and just welp this feels weird lol. I lowkey forgot he was meant to enlist so when the news came out I went through so many emotions. Its why the latest comeback feels a bit bittersweet to me. It is their BEST for sure and for this year, I agree so to not see him perform right before he left is a bit sad. I don't blame him of course (if anyone does i am fish slapping you) but just a shame. I'm happy we do get content with him still? Seems pre-planned so that is nice!

Onto legends exo, fantastic comeback. I cannot stop listening to the album, its just bops full of bops to me. They broke so many records and I'm over here sipping my tea because fudge yes. It isn't a full member comeback, 2 of the members featured in the comeback are off playing call of duty and they still did THAT. While having lay properly in the comeback!? (Or at least some form, better than tempo era!) Kyungsoo my beloved, the man that can swoon you off your feet, his proper solo album. Omg I am just in love? The album feels like a Playlist that you hear while taking a walk or on a raodtrip? I love it, I just love everything about this with how much thought was given. It makes me feel warm and I'm so proud of him (I think he even got a first win) but sadly xiumin got the it shall not be named virus D: I feel so bad and I can only hope he gets better! It makes me worried because I keep seeing more and more idols getting sick and I can't help but wonder why don't the kpop entertainment just put a pause with stuff? Of course that is VERY unrealistic, I am aware that is naive for me to think but its just so idk how to word it properly (my English brain is not working I am sorry) I cannot help the feeling of while I get people are being safe and yes we need to still live like normal beings, is it worth risking idols health just for some entertainment? Idk how to explain my thoughts properly but maybe I hope I made sense!!

Onto svt! That is perfectly fine to not vibe with a comeback! I will admit, I didn't fully vibe with this comeback and it shocked me because every comeback was a hit to me. Even fear, left and right or homerun where I know many fans were split on, I liked but RTL was a grower. For me, listening to it without watching the mv, helped it alot and it is a song I like. Is it their best? No I don't think so but it is alright to say "hey I didn't bop to this, not my cup of tea" (imo I blame the mv? The mv REALLY didn't do the song justice at all, I am sorry if I sound like a fake fan but this mv Just is bad in all aspects. Sure we have some pretty shots but like it just doesn't fit at all?) So if anything listening to the song or wishing the live performances does it better. Seeing the choreography amps the song up more, cannot go wrong with their dancing. As for the rest of the songs, I admit game boy is my top favorite? Idk if it is because I am a gaming nerd and found all the production of the song so creative but yeah. We can wait for the next comeback! Svt always have something up their sleeves, plus we do have their music projects to look forward too (I wonder when we will get one? Seeing as RTL promotions stopped) some positive news with the boys is they resigned like a year before their contract ends and I'm a bit emotional :') I'm excited to see the boys future projects. We did have caratland recently! Did you watch it if I may ask? We did get in the soop confirmation so I'm excited to watch that, the boys deserve that nice break (even if it was filmed for a show fjsbsns)

Ok I think that is it for kpop updates? XD I do hope life has been treating you kindly! Life has been a bit all over the place sadly so I hope it wasn't like that for you as well! Until next time my bean!

hii!!!! omg sorry for the late reply i've been pretty busy these days 🙈

indeed so much has happened! and much more since you sent this ask omg!!

our shownu is at war *looks into the distance* *wipes away tear* *sighs* by now I got used to enlistment news (see what happens when you stan 2nd and 3rd gen groups) but STILL [[IT HURT]] when they uploaded the monchannel videos of his goodbye day like ????? what kind of twisted mind diuhdfuihdifuhs but the boys were all so cute and soft but they seemed so sad they didn't want to let go of their super leader :(( I hope he's learning lots and making new friends (and also we've got our international super spy yoo kihyun giving us small updates on him every now and then so everything's fine!). Yeah I totally get you it felt empty without him this comeback and at first it didn't really clicked with me but when the enlistment news came out i understood he had to take care of his health and thoroughly check on his eye sight in order to be 100% ready for the military so it made sense he had to be absent :( everything was so close (the comeback and enlistment) that I'm sure there was no other way for doing it I'm pretty sure he couldn't maybe postpone the enlistment day any further

onto exo! my ksoo my soft boi my romantic boi 🥺 his album is so him SO HIM i can't explain it bur it's just HIM you know it's the type of album you'd play on loop on a summer afternoon when you've taken your papers and paints outside in the garden to paint a bit with the warm soft breeze moving the trees lightly 🤧 and he signs in English and SPANISH (he did it for me) my multilingual king he's a native. Also I've been watching Honeymoon Tavern with Jongin these days and OMG i could d word for him really (if you haven's watched it go do it when you have time) he's SO SOFT and SO CUTE and he works as a waiter and a wedding planner and helps with the room preparations and is also a tour guide and he's just so cute so happy al the time the way he interacts with everyone is so 🥺🤧😭 onto more serious stuff now: yeah i was so worried about minseok catching covid omg but i'm glad he went through it with our any major complication and the rest of the boys are safe too! I guess the industry doesn't stop bc that would mean a huge loss of thousands and thousands of dollars/won/etc so as long as the gov doesn't prohibit going out or gathering like at the beginning of the pandemic, they'll keep on going with the idols' schedules otherwise the industry would just shut down having no way of earning money to sustain all the companies and idols.

as for seventeen! yeah i like the songs too! the mv sure ruined rtl and listening to it without watching it has really helped it grow on me more but still it feels kind of meh to me idk i really like anyone i think it's my favourite from the album. AND NOW WE'VE GOT A COMEBACK IN OCTOBER!!!! yayyyyy i can't wait they seem to be preparing very diligently (i hope they release a sexy bop) it's a shame junhao aren't gonna be present for this comeback but i'm soooooo happy they have the opportunity to visit their families again omg they have spent 2 whole years without seeing them in the flesh they must be so happy to get back to them again!!! it's so funny seeing them be bored at the quarantine hotel and doing lives every day duhdfiudhfiuh i hope it passes quickly and they can see their loved ones finally! and I did watch Caratland!! omg the unit switch song was the best thing ever hhu doing lilili yabbay and not being able to stop laughing idfuhdifuhs perf team doing chocolate and owning it????? hello??? performance team more like main vocal team wow! and the vocal team being a complete mess during check in lmaooo i loved it! In The Soop has finally started!!! I love these kind of "normal life" concepts I love seeing the boys being themselves cooking and relaxing I've watched the first and second eps as of today and also few clips from the third and omg mingyu and jeonghan drowning in the pond dfuhidfhidfs lmao they're so dumb i love them 🤣 i'm glad they could go away for a few days and spend time together away from their hectic schedules!

I hope you're well now and if not hang in there it'll all pass soon enough! 🥰💕 bye bye!!

p.s.: I got your request for the svt this or that gifset and i promise i’ll do it one day i just don’t feel like giffing these days dhbduusi i’m out of energy 

[pettyprocrastination]

Ok I have a major thing for handwriting idk so what do you think Ezra's handwriting looks like? (And on that topic, try not to think about love letters from Ezra when you're apart... Or do, I'd love to hear your thoughts bc I'm kinda dying here) I also feel like he's the kind of person to have just... a box of things you've written for him... Like literally anything. Shopping lists, letters, etc. and when he's away he takes them out and reads them :))

okay im feeling lonely and a little sad tonight so I immediately ran with this and uhhhhh this happened. (last bit is between him and reader from the thing “Stupid Man” that i posted earlier today. ) this ended up being a bit longer than expected sorry lmao

I’ve never written Ezra before please be gentle with me y’all

For this we're gonna say that Ezra is right-handed. 

I think Ezra had beautiful handwriting. Smooth, sloping neat lines ever since he was able to write. While other kids had to work on their penmanship, his was a natural gift. His handwriting was one that teachers would compliment in grade school, so distracted by the smooth strokes of his pencil that they hadn’t noticed the words used on his assignments weren’t even his, but that of the student sitting right next to him. The girls in his class would giggle and swoon at the albeit juvenile words of affections he’d write to them on secret notes passed back and forth between them, a habit he kept well into his adulthood. While he wasn’t proud of it, the harvester would leave notes of bittersweet goodbyes to lovers the morning after, remarking on how he would never forget the time spent working together on harvesting deposits as well as the intimate “and dare I say magical” nights they spent with one another. The women he laid with would be so enamored with his words and the rose tinted images his words painted, that by the time they would realize he’d taken off with their share of the harvest as well as his own, he’d be far enough into the stars all they could do was curse his name to the sky in anger. 

And then, one harvest in the Green, he had met a man named Damon and a brave little girl named Cee. 

These meetings, whether it was predestined or not, lead to him losing his right arm, and with it his beautiful handwriting. 

Learning to write again was frustrating, as a child it had come to him with ease, a natural gift. But as a grown man? Kevva alive it was enough to make him contemplate putting his fist through a wall. Until-

“Ez,” You poked your head into the den, eyes squinting and a blanket wrapped tight around your shoulders. “It’s three am, come to bed baby.”

You. 

You made it worth it. With every shy smile you wore each time he gave you a written proclamation of his love and dedication to you, no matter how messy his chicken scratch writing was you’d pepper his face with his kisses in gratitude. 

“My poet.” You’d coo in his ear. He’d feel that every moment of frustration was worth it, if he could see you like this every time. 

After losing his arm, Ezra became more appreciative of little written things. The notes you’d leave on the kitchen counter when you go to work, the way you doodle smiley faces and cartoon fruit on grocery lists, even the little slips of encouragement you sneak into his pocket when you thought he wouldn't notice. 

He did notice. He noticed every time actually. But he didn’t say anything out of fear that you would stop. 

Ezra had a little box of mementos about you, a ticket stub from the first movie you saw, an aurelac gem from your first dig together (one he swore to himself to never sell) and all the little notes, lists, and reminders you’d ever written. When one of you has to leave for a long period of time, whether it be work, or family or whatever reason. Each time he’ll open that box when he feels deepest in his lonesome, and his heart will lift just the tiniest bit. 

(next bit is just a little except with Ezra x Alien!Reader following this prompt)

Ezra must not have heard your key slide into the lock, or the door open at all. The washing machine was loud enough to drown it out, the damn thing was on its last life as it shook and trembled enough for you to send it a distasteful glare as if it were human. 

The wood creaked under your steps and yet, nothing. No thumping of excited feet to be met with a bruising kiss to your lips, mumbled “I missed you” against one another as you inevitably celebrated your return in bed with each other. 

You continued your trek to his bedroom as softly as you could. 

Maybe he was asleep?

He sat on the corner of his bed, his back to you and a box in his lap.

You found yourself staring at him with a smile, leaning against the door frame as you watched his sift through a box full of little notes and lists you’d written over your time together with a bittersweet smile. 

“Is this what you do whenever I leave?”

Ezra jumped, flinging the box from his lap and spilling all it’s contents onto the floor. A variety of emotions crossed over his face before one took over them all at the sight of you. 

Pure joy. 

He crossed to you in three quick strides. His hand found itself at the nape of your neck, pulling you to him for a heated kiss that you were all too grateful for due to your time apart. 

“Oh my darling warrior has returned.” He spoke between the feather-light kisses he laid all over your face, turning you into a fit of flustered giggles at the feeling of his scruff against your skin.

 “Were those diplomats as horrid and soulless as you claimed them to be?”

You pulled away and groaned. “Even worse. But that doesn’t matter now.”

“That it does not.” He agreed, his thumb rubbed comforting circles against your skin. “Not a day went by when I didn’t think of that shining smile or alluring voice, having you part from me is like robbing an addict of their temptation.”

You pressed your hand against his mouth. If he spoke any further you definitely wouldn’t be able to focus on anything other than taking off his clothes. “Enough of that smooth talker.” Your eyes went to the pile of notes across the floor. You spotted one, a tiny birthday card with a coffee stain on the corner, that was from the first time you celebrated his birthday together. It had been three months into your relationship. You stared up at him.

“You really kept them all?”

The look in his eyes, so soft and tender part of you was worried he’d break in your hands. But you knew better than that. 

“I’d be a fool if I didn’t, brave one.” He rested his forehead against yours, exhaling a shaky breath as he did. “I am afraid I’m not as strong as I first surmised I would be at your frequent departures-”

Guilt washed over you in a hot wave. “Ezra-”

“-but I am extremely grateful that you return to me each time.” He interrupted, a soft kiss pressed against your pulse-point to punctuate, your eyes fluttered shut and he smiled. 

“It is a blessing with no disguise that such a woman as yourself would go see the world and decide to return to the humble abode of a lowly, former harvester such as myself after each one. I do not need a reminder of that gift, but still, it helps the distance feel just a click smaller.”

You sniffed and bumped your forehead against his with a tear smile. “Stupid man.” You weakly scolded, your voice wavering and not holding its usual command of the room. 

Ezra smiled, oh how he loved to hear you call him that. Ever since you first found him years ago on your home planet, and witnessed him nearly get killed because of his lack of knowledge on the plant life there. You’d guided him throughout his dig, all while criticizing his stupidity, lack of preparation and “positively abhorrent attitude, you stupid man! Coming to a planet you know nothing of? Surely you want to die!”

Over time he learned that “stupid man” was your version of “I love you.”

“You know you’ll never be without me, Ezra.” You dipped your head down and pressed a kiss to his chest. “No matter how far I am, you will always have me with you. Please don’t ever forget that.”

His hand slid up to rest on your cheek, you didn’t miss the way his fingers trembled oh so slightly against your skin. 

“Oh gentle warrior.” He whispered with a warm smile. “I do not deserve you.”

You thought-no, you knew he deserved you and much more. But he hadn’t realized that yet. You believed that Ezra deserved the world. You couldn’t give him that, so you settled for your love, devotion and handwritten notes slipped into his back pocket when you thought he wouldn’t notice. 

He noticed every time.

[bartsugsy]

Lo they do get back together right maybe it's because I'm on my period but I cried watching tonight's episode but I feel so upset, how are ED going to fix this.

hey anon!

we’re synched up bless

ok think of it this way

this break up - yes it’s about the baby and it’s  about rebecca - but really, it’s about aaron and robert - and it started back in january

like - robert and aaron argued and it was huge, monumental. rob tried to move out, tried to call off the wedding. aaron flipped and put kasim in a coma. 

in their next scene, when aaron is still reeling, aaron says “i love you but i hate who i am around you”. like. aaron was already struggling so much. and that was his own shit, more than anything - beating up kasim wasn’t robert’s doing. even aaron’s jealousy, while yes, was rooted in robert’s behaviour at some level, was more a sign of his mental state

and then the police rock up and they get so distracted by the thought that they almost lost each other, could still lose one another, that they cling onto one another with both hands, completely ignoring the fight they had on the night before they were supposed to elope.

but aaron is still in a bad space and he’s having panic attacks and he’s just... struggling - and he’s worried about robert leaving him and about liv

so rob throws him a wedding, as a way to solidify the little family they’ve made and aaron is the happiest he’s ever been, until right at the end, where he admits he’s scared and he and robert have that lifechangingly beautiful conversation - and then follow it up the next day with their goodbyes

prison only makes things worse for aaron and it starts robert down a much darker path too - all of a sudden, it’s not just aaron who is struggling, but we see robert unable to sleep, on constant high alert, sad and lost

aaron has, obviously, a worse time than anyone could have imagined and it breaks him completely

this in turn ends up accidentally breaking robert and he ends up sleeping with rebecca

aaron gets out, talks to robert openly, finally, about what he went through. they end up going away for a month and from what rob says during the reveal, aaron starts to get back to his old self again (which we see for ourselves too).

they talk about it a lot during the reveal - aaron’s mh, robert’s own state of mind, how they’ve dealt, how they’re going to deal. we know that aaron sees the broken bottle and we don’t know what happens there - he ends up going to his therapist, but that’s still very much in his mind. he’s still struggling.

aaron decides to stay with robert and forgive him - and fuck, watch aaron say that line to robert again. he says it so quietly, only gets half the fucking words out. watch aaron’s face from that point onwards. i think... i think aaron just desperately wants to stay with robert, because he loves robert and he doesn’t want to be without robert, but he also looks so unsure. like. i think aaron knew, just as he knew back in january, something wasn’t working. i think he gave into his own desires and ignored what he also knew would be better for his mh - to leave and take some time to get himself better. doing it in this situation that is so fraught, has so many problems, is just... it wasn’t helping him at all.

then, to top it all off, we see aaron and robert find out that the baby is still a reality and it’s even worse. aaron immediately goes into supportive mode and this lasts a short amount of time, before he stops being able to keep it up. robert starts off in snappy attack dog mode and softens pretty quickly - but all in all, what results is that aaron and robert clearly haven’t had sex since the reveal, aaron has isolated himself repeatedly and robert has sort of tried to get him to talk but hasn’t succeeded at all and hasn’t really pushed all that much. at some point aaron starts self harming again. he tries to buy spice again, gets attacked by jason for his troubles. 

ultimately, we see aaron and robert fighting, trying to end it and not quite doing it. they decide to run away, that maybe that will help, if they get out of the situation and away from the baby entirely -

and again, they haven’t spoken about it but although the baby started it again, this ultimately started long before the baby was even a possibility, so it never would have worked 

- and then aaron is in the car with adam and he sees the scan and throws that wrench at robert’s head.

and the thing is - up until that point, aaron’s behaviour has hurt kasim and it’s hurt himself, but it had never hurt robert. and it’s at that point that aaron shuts down and shuts robert out entirely.

this is the point where aaron talks about how they do this to each other - push each other, how they can hurt one another and how it’s not good for either of them. it’s not just about aaron anymore, it’s about robert potentially getting hurt too - and this is what ultimately makes aaron leave.

and then aaron comes back, walls up, refusing to give robert even an inch - because he knows if he does, he’ll be right back there. it would be so so so easy for aaron to give in all over again - he’s done it every single break up before (#shameless self promo have a read through my break up guides)

and it leaves robert feeling entirely fucking bereft, like hope is gone and he’s lost aaron entirely

- because aaron is codependant in their relationship but robert is codependant as a person and he cannot even begin to understand really what aaron is trying to say - all robert knows is that they love each other

and i think ultimately they need that absurd balance - robert being there to keep them going, having that rock solid faith in them - and aaron being there to put a stop to things when it gets dangerous, to bring them a little more down to earth when they need to, like now, where aaron really does need to be alone in order to try and work through his shit

and where robert actually also does need to be alone to try and work out how to be single, bc he’s incapable of it, and develop a healthier relationship with himself too so that eventually his relationship with aaron will be healthier

that’s not what he’s gonna do tho he’s gonna slip larry some sleeping pills and take over home farm instead

but like - this break up could have been about how robert did something unforgivable, they could have set robert up to have a full on affair with rebecca, they could have done any number of things...

but instead they told this story - horribly depressing and heartbreaking, and yes maybe in some ways it feels hopeless, but in other ways i think it’s actually the exact opposite - it’s about addressing issues that have been prevalent for so long, about the way they’re entirely unable to communicate and it’s been told so so so slowly and

and what i���m saying is that this story has spanned 8 months and is still going and it has been entirely about their love for one another and the struggle they’ve faced and tbh you don’t do that for a couple you plan to drop forever

like... look how in love they still look with one another

like they do - despite all appearances - put a lot of care into robert and aaron’s storyline

just... look at the pete/leyla/priya mess and tell me you don’t see a difference

or any of the couples, honestly. it’s absurd. they put so much care into showing how in love they are that all the other couples on the show feel a little ridiculous next to them??????? you don’t do that for a couple that’s never going to get back together

and look at how much fallout vic and adam got

(any fallout they’ve had has basically been related to robert and aaron it’s absurd)

they’re gonna be fine. it’s the ‘when’ more than the ‘if’ right now. they’ve just gotta get this whole white scheme out of the way first lmao.

[punkakess]

aaahh I love your drabbles !! I'm a huuuge Natray fan so for me, your blog is a blessing uwu I'd like to request a Natray drabble. So, um.. Some angst?? And maybe angry smut, it's up to you ;;w;; also if it'd be alright, I would want it to be the original-like? No au's I mean.

I’m glad you like my blog so much and hun I’m always up to write smut^^ 

Also, cheers for Natray!!

Anyway, this drabble is a wonder, firstly bc it’s not even a drabble, with 2k words or so, it’s more of an one-shot. Am not sure if i should be happy that i wrote a one-shot just like this or i should be sad bc idk how to write a drabble.

I’m not very happy with how this turned out but i hope you like it^^

There was a wall between them now, short but thick. High enough so they could only see each other’s eyes and too wide for them to reach one another. It made Natsu’s heart clench and his hands itch to punch and destroy anything in his path, anything that kept him away from Gray. But for the first time he was too afraid to act. 

Yes, Natsu Dragneel was afraid.

He didn’t fear Gray, Natsu could never be frightened by the the ice block, he just didn’t have the courage to try again, to make things work.

After the Tartarus war, Fairy Tail was too scarred, so many wounds, a few very deep to heal completely. And what Natsu and Gray have, or better, had mighty be one of them. All because of selfish wishes and unthinkable decisions. 

Gray wanted to destroy the book of END at Silver’s request and Natsu wanted to keep it and give to Igneel, just as the dragon had asked. They just wanted to please and respect their fathers’ whishes, man they hadn’t seen in so long. It appeared to be the right choice, the most obvious and with emotions so disturbed and the tiredness of battle the boys forgot about each other. 

They acted selfishly and it ruined their relationship, the pure, blind trust they shared. Because how was Natsu supposed to date someone he wasn’t sure would support him when it came to his family. Natsu knew Gray thought exactly the same way and he had all the right to. The raven had made a promise to his dad and Natsu didn’t help him fulfill it and the same could be stated contrariwise.

Not even a week had passed yet when they met at Natsu’s house. Happy was out visiting Charle and when Gray saw the blue exceed walking around the city he immediately set of to the dragonslayer’s house. They need to talk.The problem with Natsu and Gray is that they can’t have an argument without it breaking out into a fist fight. And that’s exactly what almost happened.

Because Zeref had END and they were blaming each other. Gray would say if Natsu hadn’t made a fuss, he would’ve already destroyed the book before the dark mage could have taken it. Natsu on the other hand, stated that it was the ice mage’s fault because if he had the book, he would’ve given it to Igneel the moment the fire dragon had taken down Acnologia while the other dragons were destroying the Faces around Fiori. And it was a fact that even Zeref wouldn’t be able to take it from a fucking dragon.

A few words of rage and hate, most of them not true, were exchanged. The two young man discussing and throwing insults like any other stupid fight of them, only the matter was serious. Everything was relatively calm, if you consider they were Natsu and Gray, until the later said something he wanted to swallow back right after it left his mouth.

“Why are you even concerned about the book?! It’s not like you can give it to Igneel now!” Natsu’s eyes had become cold, his sage green irises shinning with the anger building behind them. 

Gray was so caught up in thoughts of how to fix that situation he totally missed the dragonslayer coming at him. His breath was pushed out of his lungs as his back hit the wall and he wasn’t able to retrieve oxygen due a forearm pressing against his throat.

“At least my dad was actually alive and with me the whole time and not a walking corpse serving as a puppet for some filthy demon.” The ice mage was caught by surprise once again. He was waiting curses and requests for apologies coming his way, maybe a few punches, not cruel words being thrown his way with so much malice. 

Anger filled Gray mind, he’d never took Natsu to be one to retaliate an unfair blow with an equally unfair attack. Natsu was loud and lose mouthed, very violent and volatile but he was never one to hurt someone emotionally. What he said had hurt, like a sharp knife slicing at his heart.

“Don’t. Talk. About. My. Dad. Like. This.” Gray punctuated each word with a push against the arm on his neck, his hands grasping the withe scarf tightly. Natsu seemed surprised with the words that had stumbled from his mouth. His expression melted into a guilty one for a total of three seconds before he remembered why he had said that in the first place and his glare was back full force. 

They gazed icy daggers at each other, the green locked on blue taking them back to the battlefield, where they looked at each other with that same negative intensity. The two mages remained like that for a few long seconds, a conversation happening without words being spoken out loud. 

“We can’t be together”

“We may be the strongest duo but we’re not good for each other”

“We’re gonna destroy ourselves if we remain together”

“But it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.”

“We have to stop saying we for a while.”

“But just this one last time…”

Lips locked in a furious kiss out of their own volition, Gray’s bottom lip was still busted from the battle and Natsu made sure to nip at it gaining a hiss and a yank on his pink locks in retaliation. He hadn’t even noted the hands leaving his scarf to snake on his hair.

One of those hands slipped down and took hold of one of his butt cheeks and forced it forward, pushing Natsu flush against Gray. Their bodies fitting in all the right ways, half hard cocks pressing deliciously between their hips. The new position elicited twin moans out off the young boys.

Natsu started to move his hips slowly, grinding their groins, providing minimal but satisfying friction, “We shouldn’t.” Gray gritted out, after pulling Natsu’s head back by his hair.

“Shut up, ice princess. Some times you annoy me so much I just want to fuck the shit out of you.” And with that they were kissing again, rough and messy but passionately. 

Natsu let his hands fall from Gray’s waist to the top of his thighs, urging the raven to jump and circle those long legs around his torso. He walked slowly, careful to not bump into anything on his way to the couch. Arriving there he all but threw Gray onto the fluffy surface and watched him bounce a few times.

Instead of joining, however, Natsu headed for the bathroom and a minute latter came out with a bottle of lube in his hands. Gray was already naked and it wasn’t really a surprise, the dragonslayer followed the example taking off his shirt and pants along with his underwear as quick as possible, they didn’t have much time before Happy came back. 

“Hurry up you flame brain.”

“Eager, aren’t we?” Gray glared and Natsu smirked, “Oh, c'mon you love when I tease you.” 

“Just shut up and get going with it.” The harsh order made Natsu scowl. All he wanted was to ease down the mood a bit, start it with playfulness after the argument they just had. He firmly believed that even if they were pissed, love making shouldn’t be done under negative emotions. But Gray had other ideas, and if he wanted to play that way, so would Natsu.

Without saying nothing, he climbed on the couch, kneeling between pale thighs. As quick as possible Natsu slicked his finger and boldly entered one into his partners thigh ass. No teasing, no words of encouragement or warnings. A cold goodbye for a person he loved but couldn’t be with.

A few minutes and three fingers later Natsu was finished, having prepared Gray as much as he possibly could in such a short time. Remaining quiet the whole time while the room was filled by the sound of heavy breath and low moans. 

The silence was gawking at his insides, acting coldly wasn’t on Natsu’s vast list of skills. He liked to be passionate and fiery. Yet he wanted Gray to know he was still mad.

Suddenly flipping Gray over so the ice mage was laying on his stomach, Natsu heard a yelp of surprise. Instead of doing it coldly he’d live up to his words. He’d fuck the shit out of Gray, unleash all his anger on that act.

The round, milky globes of Gray’s ass were presented to Natsu, tempting, begging for someone to grope them. And that ma exactly what the fire mage did, bit into the supple flesh like a famished beast earning a loud gasp and then sucked leaving behind a reddish mark that’d become a strong purple later. Next, he clasped the soft skin to part the butt cheeks, revealing the slick and pink ring of muscles which contracted when hit by cold air. 

Taking a hold of his cock, Natsu guided it to the exposed entrance and pressed until just the head entered. The raven moaned so lowly, that if it wasn’t for his dragon’s hearing, the fire mage wouldn’t have even listened. Gray was being stubborn, making Natsu frustrated, he had ripped louder moans only with his tongue.

Without warning, the noise of a slap filled the room, followed closely by a whimpery groan.

“What do you think you’re doing, you bastard.” Gray gritted out, through the sting spreading around the outside of his right thigh.

“I’m thinking that if this is our last time, I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll break and will never be satisfied with another person.” Natsu heard when the speed of his partner’s heart picked up, saw when he was about to retort with a nasty answer, no doubt, so he was speaking again, “Hold on tight, the ride will be rough.”

His hips snapped forward and Natsu buried himself to the hilt with no proper warning whatsoever. And then he was moving, hard and fast and merciless. His hands roamed Gray’s backside, pressing down on hard muscles and all the while the raven’s moans grew louder, tumbling past rosy lips fighting against all the restrains.

The fire mage’s fingers yanked midnight locks, bringing Gray’s head up, while the rest of the lean body was pushed further into the couch. Gray moaned in ecstasy and his hands fisted the armrest in front of him at the feeling of his engorged cock rubbing against the tick fabric underneath him, smearing pre-cum everywhere. 

Natsu’s movements were harsh and frantic, his dick brushing against Gray’s prostate constantly, leaving the raven and letting out lustful sounds of euphoria.

Curling his fingers around Gray’s throat, Natsu used the possessive grasp to pull the raven up and against his chest, his movements never slowing down, never losing the rhythm. They were pressed so close and Gray could feel the rapid beat of Natsu’s heart. A heart that belonged to him, although after he walked away from this house, he would never be able to hold it anymore. It wasn’t like he was worthy of it anyway, he had already dropped once and the next fall would shatter it, leave Natsu broken for life.

Natsu’s free hand played with his sensitive nipples, twisting them only tho sooth the pain with careful circles around the little bud. The action threw him into the edge and he panted, “I’m gonna come- ahh…”

“No, you’re not. You cum when I tell you to.” To reforce his statement, the dragonslayer left his nipples in favor of grasping around the root of his cock tightly, successfully impeding the orgasm. 

Gray whined in agony and pleasure, the urgency to come growing each time Natsu rammed the head of his cock against his prostate. It was torture and made Gray squirm and moan needy.

“Oh God, please lemme come!” Natsu growled in pleasure, his insides twisting the closer he got to completion. 

The dragonslayer rammed inside Gray in earnest, going faster and harder and deeper, doing everything in his power to give them both their last memorable orgasm together. The urgency to let go grew and finally Natsu was moving his hand, jacking Gray off with the same speed of his thrusts. 

Their release was magical and it had nothing to do with etherion particles, only with love and rage and longing. Gray’s body trembled as his mounth fell open in a silent moan while Natsu’s hand tightened around his partner’s pale neck and he pressed his forehead to his shoulder. A thousand fireworks exploding within and around them.

They remained in that position for a few minutes, catching their breath and assimilating what had just happened. Natsu was the first to move, getting up and running to the bathroom to find tissues. When he returned, Gray was still standing on the same position, kneeling on the couch.

“Gray,” Natsu called out quietly “are you okay?”

“This was a goodbye, wasn’t it?” The raven questioned out of the blue and Natsu only sighed.

“Here, clean yourself. Happy will come back in a few and we need to tide up.”

“Just answer me. Why we can’t be together?” 

It wasn’t really something Natsu wanted to speak out loud and he knew Gray knew the answer. But the fire mage was aware of his partner’s need to hear it out loud, just so it could sink in “It was the grand finale, the end of an era.”

  Yes it was a goodbye above all. A goodbye to each and every moment they spent together, to Gray’s laugh and smell and the feeling of his touch. It was a goodbye to Gray himself, because Natus would leave him behind. He would come back eventually but that part of their lives, that secret would stay on the past and probably never resurface. They loved each other but were to different to be together.

So, how was it. I hope you enjoyed and if you have more request I’ll accept all of them no matter how weird or dark they are^^

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XIX)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Tell me the Truth

(6x04/6x05/6x06/6x07/6x08/6x13)

Hello my dear! How have you been? I'm here with another volume from this Chronicles.

This time I want to talk about the truth as a recurrent topic in the first half of this season.

I'm gonna mix some bi Dean concept too, this will be mostly a Dean centric meta.

O want to give thanks to my friend @agusvedder , she couldn't make me the gifs for this meta but we discussed a lot about this topic. Thank you girl!

Let's start...

Saying goodbye to Lisa and Ben

Ok, I will collect here an amount of observations I made in several chapters in which we can see Dean breaking up with Lisa and Ben as his family.

In episode 6x06 Live Free or Twihard , calling back to 6x02, we had Dean feeling himself a monster and becoming one.

At the beginning of the episode, the Winchester brothers went to investigate to a house, a girl's room, vampires fan. Dean found a book and this is what he reads...

DEAN. Look at this. He's WATCHING her sleep. How is that not rape-y?

This is very significant because when Dean is turning into a vampire, he decided to go visit Lisa and Ben to say goodbye... So when he arrives, he just stays there by Lisa's bed watching her sleep. As a real monster. After this we all recall he pushed Ben violently and ran away. This was the beginning of the end.

In episode 6x06 "You can't handle the truth" written by Sera Gamble, even when it was a very Wincest episode, it had a very interesting topic about ASKING THE TRUTH YOU CAN'T EFFORT.

And related with Lisa here, he called her, and because he had asked for the truth, he receives the truth from her. A very hard one. She snapped at him this...

LISA: You've got so much buried in there, and you push it down, and you push it down. Do you honestly think that you can go through life like that and not freak out? Just, what, drink half a fifth a night and you're good?

DEAN: You knew what you signed up for.

Dean is excusing himself with her, she knew, he's like this. He won't change. Hunting is his life.

LISA: Yeah. But I didn't expect Sam to come back. And I'm glad he's okay. I am. But the minute he walked through that door, I knew. It was over. You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing I've ever seen. And as long as he's in your life, you're never gonna be happy.That came out so much harsher than I meant.

Here, we have the pathologic codependency between them, but as it was written, and here's my opinion, is screaming Wincest all over, we know Sera was a fervent fan of the boys, and this doesn't surprises me. Lisa is being very hard and honest with Dean. Things are not Al right between them.

DEAN: It's not your fault.

LISA: I'm not saying don't be close to Sam. I'm close to my sister. But if she got killed, I wouldn't bring her back from the dead!

DEAN: Okay, Lis... I'm not gonna lie. Okay, me and Sam, we... we've got issues. No doubt. But you and Ben --

Here is Dean saying "Everything you had just said is truth", so more Wincest for the bag.

LISA: Me and Ben can't be in this with you. I'm sorry.

And this was the end for sure.

In this same episode, we had this scene...

Gif set credit @paladeckis

The woman is dressed in lavanda color, si, basically, is a Lisa's mirror here,asking for a lot of attention and Dean is giving her that not very hopeful answer... So yeah, Dean had decided which life he wants for him. Maybe, and as I said before, he doesn't feel he deserves a good life, or maybe because he feels like a dangerous monster that can destroy good things.

Now... Let's jump to 6x07 "Family Matters"...

There's a singular quote by the Alpha Vampire:

DEAN: I didn't realize we were on a first-name basis.

ALPHA VAMPIRE: Of course we are. After all, you were my child... for a time. Dean, tell me... did you enjoy it?

Ok, I know this is a creepy way to see it, but... Immediately after episode 6x06 we had this. And beacuse Dean is in the break up process with Lisa and Ben, this could be taken as a Dean/Ben mirror... Ben was the "monster's son" for a while, or at least that way is how Dean see it inside of him. So, symbolically, we are talking about that here.

Now... Episode 6x08 "All dogs go to Heaven" a very blantant Dean mirror with the dog-man here... First of all... Remember the monster watching in silence while the woman sleeps?? We have the same again here... The dog-man (skinwalker) his name was Lucky.

There was interesting words exchanging between Dean and Lucky, and please pay attention to Dean's speech...

DEAN: Hang on, Sam. [to LUCKY (MAN)] Listen, you don't have to tell me why you're with the family. I get it.

LUCKY (MAN): Oh, you do, do you?

DEAN: You killed every threat that came near them. You care about them, in your own whack-a-doodle kind of way. It's obvious. What I want to know is, who was that guy you were kibitzing with? He a skinwalker, too?

So... Isn't it Dean talking to himself? Do he feel like a abandoned and hurted dog that needed a refuge? A family? Now... Check this other quote...

DEAN: What are you gonna do to that family, really? You gonna put your jaws around that little boy's throat? Clamp down, listen to him cry for his mom? 'Cause I'm gonna guess that these are the only people who in your pathetic life have ever showed you any kindness. So it's either that... or you can help us stop it.

Again, the scene of Dean pushing Ben against the wall when he was about to transform into a vampire (a monster) and then... Again talking to himself. Is so blantant that my heart broke instantly...

After this, Dean decided not to shoot him bc he knew that dog was him... But things didn't end well for Lucky...

When he tries to come back to Mandy and her son, this is what happened...

MANDY: Get away from this house, you psycho. And if you ever, ever come near me or my son again, so help me...

LUCKY (MAN): I know I probably deserve...

MANDY closes and locks the door.

This is the end for the monster that wanted to have a family, the difference here is... Dean really wanted to have this kind of life?

And the answer we already know...

Gif set credit @frozen-delight

Dean is puting salt on the windows while he's saying he's out... Tell the truth Dean.

And in 6x13 "Unforgettable" Dean said another thing to his brother (to himself) to put a final period here...

DEAN: Sam, y-y-you got to understand that all that crap last year -- all of it -- none of it was you.

Ok Dean, we get it. This last year trying to be a man with a normal life and family, it wasn't you. It was a lie.

Sam's lies and foreshadowing Castiel's secrets

Before to continuó with this meta... I promised you some bi-Dean scene... Here you have.

Look how Dean checks out the police man and he even greeted him that way. As we know... Dean likes uniforms... 😉 (This gif was made by my gorgeous friend Agus!)

Ok... Let's start with the brothers here...

We all recall that scene when Sam just watched as Dean was turned into a vampire. Ok... So Dean saw it too. And that was one of his biggest alarms about his brother. This happened in episode 6x05.

In episode 6x06, another interesting parallel with the Winchesters brother and Sam's lies.

SAM: You know what a "tell" is?

OLIVIA: Excuse me?

SAM: It's a poker term... for when you're bluffing. Like what you just did with your hair.

OLIVIA: What are you trying to say?

SAM: You're lying.

DEAN is surprised at the force of SAM's inquiry.

OLIVIA: What?!

SAM: Tell us what you did to your sister.

Ok big parallel each time Dean wanted to obtain the truth about what happened with the vampire and why he didn't take care of him.

So after this we had the big scene with VERITAS, and very very WINCEST thing right here...

Gif credit @whiskeyandwhine

Look at their hands touching... Yep very disgusting and very Sera Gamble era. 😒 I'm just pointing things here for you to see what this woman wanted to do with the show.

Let's see continue now with CAS.

In this same episode we had another confession that could be analyze as a parallel and foreshadow of Castiel and his secrets.

SAM: So, you had some idea Corey might have taken her own life?

ROOMMATE: Well... she had been going through a bit of a hard time lately... at school. And then, um, her cat, Mittens, had just ran away. But, really, it was her boyfriend. She was sure that he was cheating on her. But he was just very good at covering his tracks. Which, of course, made her completely obsessed with --

Ok we are here talking about Castiel... The "boyfriend" term will be use by Balthazar twice, one with Dean and the other with Sam, referencing to Castiel. Castiel is the boyfriend, and he is cheating on Dean and Sam.

Gif credit @never-forget-viva-la-pluto

Gif set credit @sam-spirit-winchester

Also, making Balthazar calling Castiel as the Winchesters's boyfriend, equally... Another SERA GAMBLE tool, "look Cas isn't Dean's boyfriend, is Sammy's boyfriend too, so... Is irrelevant."

Episode 6x07 we had the boys discovering SAMUEL was working for Crowley, so the entire episode is a big foreshadow of what was about to happen when Dean, Sam and Bobby discover Castiel's deal with the King of Hell. And is also the episode in which the idea about Purgatory and the power of souls is presented.

And ironically, we'll have Dean and Sam literally working for Crowley too, so ... A little hole in the narrative here... But hey... We don't talk about this Season, don't we?

To conclude

Dean asked for the truth and he had it with his brother and he will have it with Castiel, the problem is... Is he ready to handle it?

The first half of the season was a foreshadow for Castiel's secret and we could see in many episodes how the writers showed us what Dean felt by leaving Ben and Lisa and how he will have to handle with a big betrayal.

In Sera Gamble era we had a lot of references to Wincest and holes in the narrative, that we will see more often in the incoming episodes.

I hope you like this! C-u in the next Chronicles!

Tagging

@magnificent-winged-beast

@emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @xsghn @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel

If you want to be tagged, please let me know.

If you want to check the previous season 6 Chronicles, the links are here: XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII.

Buenos Aires July 11st 2019 1:47 AM