#bc i’m terrible with dates and i Know that sometimes u miss the day on accident and then when u realize it’s too awkward to bring it up etc

[neixins]

ngl i don’t think any of my irl friends care about me all that much…………

[swinterr]

fic rec vi ♡

hi!

this is a another new set of fic rec and i’ll probably do a compilation of genre (?) just like the first ones.

made some changes like tidying up a bit and adding summary, for those that doesn’t have any summary i’ll try my best to add my own summary (it will probably be shit tho, i ain’t making a smut summary guys, i’m not confident in my describing a fic ability but i’ll try my best. if its in italic it means i made the summary hehez )  if the summary is shit, i made it okay.

read and support the fic and authors here: the fic rec ♡

a for angst

f for fluff

s for smut

// for series or list

nct 

jeno

no title by @tyongf-nct | s

- smut blurb.

body guards and boyfriend by @pastelsicheng | f

-  sometimes the only way you can really get some alone time with your boyfriend is by making his job hard.

lipstick smears by @kopikokun | f

-  jeno never thought trying to get his makeup artist’s attention would be this hard.

jaehyun

[10:30] by @moonttaeil | 

- a lockdown moment.

[2:40] by @nct-jungjaehyun | f a

- cute quality fluff time with bf!jae with a dash of angst.

[11:41] by @jeongvision | f 

- family time with apples.

just like magic by @starryhyuck | f s

-  jung jaehyun’s body count is almost as high as yours. however, after yuta spreads a nasty rumor, you learn that jaehyun’s always imagined those girls to be you instead.

love to hate me by @moonctzeny | s a 

-  you and jaehyun meet as sm trainees, developing a friendship until he debuts and you decided to leave the company and pursue a solo career. when you reunite again in a music show and he acts like he barely knows you, you stubbornly begin a series of hate-brimmed sex rendez-vous. your touch-and-go relationship continues on, until a song collaboration will force you both to deal with all your repressed feelings for each other.

moving on by @ddeonghwaa | f a

- reader has been chasing jae for some time but when she moved on jae suddenly enter the picture.

sun&moon by @ppangjae | f a

-  asking jeong jaehyun to accompany you to your family’s 1-week christmas vacation as your boyfriend has its consequences. one can surely get through 1 week of pretending to be in love with an enemy, right?

snack run with a snack by @kopikokun | f 

-  on your usual movie night with the members, they assign you sudden snack collecting duty. you’re a little peeved, but at least jaehyun offers to tag along. Unfortunately for you, things really aren’t going in your favour tonight.

lover boy by @neoct-zen | f s

- bunch fics of lover boy jae and reader.

jungwoo

one more time, please by @haequarius | f s

-  you don’t know what you and Jungwoo are, but you are certainly weak for him.

jealous by @whiplashsan | s 

-  jungwoo is all smiles and sunshine until he gets jealous, and he just so happens to get jealous over the smallest things when it comes to you.

doyoung

sugar, spice and everything not nice by @alreadyblondenow | s

-  doyoung getting your ring size wrong, unprotected sex, kitchen sex, slight fingering, wedding tragedies.

no title by @ncteaxhoe | s

- dom!doyoung, rough? i need holy water.

the little one by @ethaeriyeol | f 

-  a gift of life; female reader x husband!Doyoung; fluff, light angst, married au

lucas

exquisite taste by @weishenkonbini | s f

- smut but with a fluffy ending.

for you always by @labyrinthsofyou | f

-  in which you surprise yukhei when he forgets about your date.

6:19 by @cozykpopblurbs | f

- a cute fluff ft kun and winwin.

10:18 pm by @nctsoftarchives | f

- reader supports lucas at his superm debut stage. 

16:47 by @sichengssmile | f s 

- a fluffy smut. lucas a big boi.

missed you by @tokyobts | a f

-  after you and yukhei broke up, yukhei still has feelings for you. he reaches out to you at school and tries to get you back. at first you avoid him but later his actions manage to make your heart flutter. you’ve come to a sudden conclusion that you maybe still want him in your life.

johnny

34 + 35 by @domjaehyun | s 

- you and your husband johnny decide to take your marriage to the next step.

i couldn’t wait a little longer by @alreadyblondenow | s f a

-  you two were never together longer than two days, but the feelings, oh the feelings that you have for each other is clear as the day. it was a never-ending try of making the relationship official. johnny tried, you tried but it never happens.

what happens in korea, not stays in korea by @alreadyblondenow | f s 

-  a week vacation in korea for your sister’s wedding became even more exciting when a famous dj had a crush on you. johnny was sure that it’s love at first sight. not putting both of your careers on the line, you two had no regrets when the time comes and you finally leave.

laundry day by @immabiteyou | s

- a domestic fluffy smut.

make a wish by @sluttyten | s f a

-  you’re jungwoo’s sister, and he’s made it clear he wants you and Johnny to have nothing to do with each other. so you and johnny start fake dating to piss him off.

want it all by @sluttyten | f s 

-  you are entirely innocent to the point of being naive. johnny is not innocent, but he loves that you are because it means he can teach you everything you don’t know.

sungchan

wish i was her by @softsungchan | f a 

-  you wished you were her, laying in Sungchan’s arms and feeling his warm breath on your neck, giggling about sweet nothings whispered into the starry night. You wished for it to be you, the girl he liked.

2:21 am by @the32ndbeat | f 

- sungchan being whipped, thru a text message.

haechan

14:52 by @ukiyoexo | f

- a cute haechan and reader ft the reader’s baby sister moment.

prince’s order by @nsheetee | f

-  prince haechan nurses you after you faint, and orders you to stay with him until you feel better.

sweet treat by @markresonates | s

-  haechan takes you for ice cream but all you can think about is sex with him.  when you act like a brat, eventually you end up in the bathroom. with no panties. 

clingy by @love-mi | f 

-  I’m not clingy! I just love your company and constantly want to be around you and have your full attention at all times

mark

hyuck is always right by @luvrenjun00 | f 

- ceo!mark x reader ft baby donghyuck. a tooth-rotting fluff.

taeyong

snow storm by @whereisten | f s 

- a fluffy smut whilst a snow storm.

1:59 by @smoll-tangerine | f

- reader and taeyong ft my favorite game (where i always die first) among us!

bts

taehyung

is this allowed 1 2 by @seokiie  | f s

- how were you supposed to know bts would be filming at your coffee shop today? how were you supposed to know a certain curly-haired boy would take a liking  to you?

cabin pressure | f by @jiminrings | f 

-  pilot!y/n who accidentally became famous bc of a viral post about her, best friend!jimin!, taehyung having a shy lil crush on you aND ot7 being meanies for a tad bit :((

art major!tae and biochem major!yn | f by @jiminrings | f

-  tae’s cold and probably needs a friend more than he needs a model, y/n feels this nEED to take care of him, a term of enderment then a dash of emotional constipation and a sprinkle of jealousy :D

gank mid lane by @kimtaehyunq | f s 

- gank / verb: (in a video game) use underhand means to defeat or kill (a less experienced opponent)

birthday surprise by @ephemeralkookie |

-  like every year, you prepare a little surprise for your boyfriend’s birthday, one that you’ve been preparing for days. and after a very tiring day, taehyung only wants to spend the night in your loving arms.

jungkook

cookies & cream | s by @1kook | f s 

-  jungkook will watch a thousand cheesy christmas movies if it meant making you happy. (and maybe having his dick sucked.)

unholy night | s by @ephemeralkookie | f s

-  after a christmas day passed with the Jeon’s family, Jungkook decides to transform the holy night into an unholy one.

‘a short’ abstinence | s a by @seokiie | s a

-  maybe blue-balling you boyfriend (who has an insanely high sexual drive) wasn’t the best.

in which she’s done with him by @minstrivia | a

-  jungkook angst/fluff where he always pushes oc away (who confesses her feelings but was cruelly rejected) and insults her but she always comes back to take care of him when he’s drunk or picks him up from his one night stands and she finally decides to leave him alone.

bad influence by @noteguk | s 

-  in which you know jungkook is a bad influence on you, but you can’t avoid falling for him every time.

jock!jk and shy art major!yn by @jiminrings | f

-  established relationship ft. jock!jk and shy art major!y/n, y/n gets an unexpected pep talk and jungkook doubts himself, and either so much tears or so much dUST according to kook

special affair by @1oserjk | f

-  sugar daddy au except it’s just jk spoiling u thru animal crossing

fairy of shampoo by @ironicarmy | f s

-  sundays are for relaxation, house cleaning, and happiness.

abstract ft bob ross by @mimithings97 | f

-  paintbrush in one hand, joint in the other and you sitting on his dick is what jeongguk wants. and what jeongguk wants, jeongguk gets.

badboy!jungkook by @jungshookz | f 

- badboy!jungkook falls for good girl reader ft the boys and the reader’s apple. 

growing by @lesgetittkookie | f

- dad!jungkook teacher his daughter how to walk. super super cute family/domestic fluff.

quiet, baby by @bratkook | s 

- i don’t how to write a summary on smuts so imma just put this. reader and jungkook doing something in the subway.

still want that by @whatifyoulivelikethat | s

-  fucking min yoongi ex-girlfriend? a terrible idea. being hopelessly in love with her at the same time? an even worse idea. knowing he was being used and still doing it anyway? ah, Jeon Jungkook, what are you doing? part 2 of savage love.

desiderium by @jeonggukingdom | f s 

-  “we’ve been at it like rabbits, how are you still so horny?”. a newlyweds!au smut.

chapstick by @softyoongiionly | f s

- based on the time Jungkook said he needed someone to scold him so he’d remember to put lip balm on. or jungkook’s had a really long day and the only that can make it better, is seeing you. 

lover boy by @jingukk | f 

-  jungkook likes you. a lot.

unexpected confession by @sunkissedjk | f

-  you gathered up the courage to confess your feelings, but it seems everyone in school knows about it before you could even find him.

string attached by @ephemeralkookie | s

-  jungkook is what we can call your sexfriend. No strings attached, just you and him having fun and releasing the huge pressure and stress of being idols. But after spending an entire day together, you realize that maybe he’s not just your sexfriend.

no title by @himbojk | f s 

- dilf jk.

astro

eunwoo

ceo!eunwoo by @m0onbean

no title by @yutopiada | f

- a cute idol!reader and eunwoo moment at a music show.

disney by @bangchan-sonyeondan | f

- a cute date with eunwoo at disney. reader likes vintage things hence using a disposable camera.

baby, it’s cold outside by @fresh-outta-jams | f 

- a cute cold christmas fluff with eunwoo ft. the boys. reader went to the boys’ place for a sweater and cocoa gift exchange.

got7

yugyeom

cruel brothers by @imsarabum | f

-  jackson and jaebum have always acted as if they were your big, overprotective brothers. so when they both walk in on you and yugyeom in a very intimate position, things get a little tense!

txt

soobin

a special night by @gyuluster | f

-  an intimate insight on the first night of choi soobin’s wedding, consisting of kitchen floors, witches and an eternity of love.

boughs & branches by @jeogiyall | f 

-  decorating the tree with boyfriend! choi soobin from txt! fluffity fluff fluff with a lot of cute fluff thrown in and a dash of christmastime fluff. 

sleepy binnie by @immabiteyou | s

-  “i’ll let you do anything if you just touch me now. “ a sleepy soobin smut.

cake by @immabiteyou | s

- reading waiting for mc soobin with the guys. a cute fluffy smut moment.

kpop oc/s

seri by @ggukkiedae

anyway, thank you again for the writers please take care and be safe!

please free to recommend your favorite fic that i haven’t feature yet.

if the links won’t work and i labelled some fics wrong please let me know and i’ll try to fix it as soon as possible!

support the fic and the writers!

[myhalloweendreams]

I’m feeling bad about myself so I guess I’ll get in a pity time rant... sorry about that and please ignore this post

This is just me letting out some of my sorrows... I guess missing my therapy this week bc I was too focused on work didn’t help at all so I’ve to let it out

Well I’m feeling like shit bc I cant afford to live... Yay!! (life is hell too, but mostly bc of money and tiredness)

Get in the line, right?

So many people are going through this, I should stop mopping about it... I truly feel bad about being like that

like yeah u’re fucked, but if this is all u think about, will it solve anything? It ain’t, right? and I know that, i do, but still I’m always so terrified and concerned about everything and what the fuck i’m gonna do

I feel like a freaking burden and an incompetent adult... like this job doesnt pay me enough for surviving, but it isnt even a minimum age job and I really cant get anything better, I dont have enough qualifications or experience for getting anything else even in the same payment range

I work a lot, I don’t get paid enough and to help all that I have no day for receiving my payment ... it’s already the 11th day of the month and I didn’t get my payment yet, last month I receiveid my payment at the 27th of the month so I’m always stressed about if i’ll have money to pay my bills before their due date

I’m also always stressed that I’ll lose this job too... I’ve no way to surviving without it...Yay!!! How fun!!!

I eat awlfully bad and basically every single person in my life is concerned about it, but 1 i dont know how to cook and yes i know that i could look it up recipes in the internet and try until I get it right, but that get me to my second problem:

I dont have enough energy to try... I literally live all my days without energy

stress + an anxiety disorder + depression + bad eating habits + not being in the sun ever + no exercising + terrible sleeping quality = me feeling like shit and always tired as fuck every single day of my life

what gets me to not having energy even for the most simple tasks, including cooking, showering, brushing my teeth, etc.... I cant be trust even to eat, sometimes i dont even have enough energy to freaking eat

I’m always concerned about not having enough money to pay my bills + my meds + food + the least of my cat’s necessities + the house things i have to buy interchangeably with my roommates... and i dread having to ask for help of my family bc it feels like a certification of failure

I’m so out of it that I’ve medical exams requests pilling up, bc even tho my aunt decided pay a health insurance for me (god bless her soul), bc she was concerned about me, doing the exams mean that I’ve to pay for go there and comeback + whatever meds or wtv they ask for wtv they find wrong.... so i dont go + I’ve little to no energy to deal with it

I mean i have a pain in my jaw, that I’m pretty sure that i displaced, for more than 4 weeks and i didnt go to look it up bc i know i cant afford wtv they ask me to do  about it... I literally am in pay all day, every day at least an mild way, in a good day and eating and opening my mouth hurts like hell, but here i am just pretending nothing is happening, bc u know, poor people cant afford getting hurt

Dude, I was even like “I’ll go to a nutritionist to learn how to drink less milk so I can save money” but then i learned that i cant just get an appointment with one, i’ve to go to another doctor and this doctor has to give me an referral to go to them... I dont have enough energy for that... common help a bitch out

How much I’m trying to save up? 

I avoid to take meds so I dont finish them and have to buy more... headaches, flu, stomachache, diarrhea or wtv only gets to be treated with meds if it doesnt go away by itself

I count my meds so i can make my psychiatrist  appointment when it’s about to end so I dont have to buy different meds and waste the ones I already bought bc he changed them for others... are the actual ones working perfectly? probably not, but at least I wont lose money with that

(they change my meds a lot bc everything seems to stop making effects on me or at very least not making enough effects T-T )

My family wants me to buy hair supplements bc I’m getting more and more bald... i dont have money for that sweeties lol

like genetically i’m supposed to have not that much hair, but u add the stress, the anxiety and the depression to it and u get me losing more and more hair, to the point i have some bald spots and need to get my hair in some specifc ways so they dont show... Yay me³ !!

(for my family: please sweeties stop caring, i cant afford shit)

Ohh I forgot to metion, my job (home office) that doesnt pay me enough to survive normally now wants me to go to the office for meetings so lets add more travel fees to the already overpast budget

since i’ve all that going on my skin is terrible bc u know it doesnt really answers well to all that... so I’ve bad hair, bad skin, not enough money to surviving (what is leisure? I’ve no idea of what it’s to do anything for fun... i cant afford such a thing lol), enough stress, anxiety e depression to make be in the very edge + u know all the health stuff not being look up and no energy

i dont know whats peace of mind for so long now that I’m losing it, but at least I’m doing it with a smile in my face so at least my family doesnt feel burdened lol

so I guess i’m doing peachy and everything is okay lol

Well at very least I’ve my Agatha... she’s the bright side of my life

the little meow meow keeps me haging there, my baby girl is an angel and i love her with all my heart

*Me having a hard time at working*: look at my cat and go “well, I’ve to pay ur food sweetie potato... so let’s keep going”

*me not wanting to get out of bed*: remembers I’ve to feed my baby and attend to it and get up graciously as a freaking zoombie but i do

and so on

-----------------------------------------

Well, well, well... now that I started to talk about Agatha, let it out and I cried a river I’m felling a little better

So since I’m using this as a adjunct therapy or somenthing I guess I feel like doing smt every therapist told me to do but I didnt do bc I felt like it would just make me feel worse, bc I cant have it... making a list of things I would want

I guess the first thing would be: be capable to pay all my things without problems. U know? not having to get worried about money 

the second would be: be able to upgrade the things I use in my daily life

the third: be able to give Agatha all the things I think she would like... treats, the best cat food, environmental enrichment and anything and everything she shows interested in

fourth would be: probably buy the things I like or want just bc I want to , without worrying about expending money... what totally includes buying things for all the people that I care about to my hearts content and giving them (or sending them) all the things that make me think of them and giving money to all the people that i cross asking for it or working in the crossroad

- maybe taking care of the health things that have to be taken care of (it should be somewhere in the list i guess) lol

- do things for fun

- learn things for pleasure

- buy things for and do diy things ( i love to create and to do new things)

- learn new languages... like a new one every time I finish the last one

- relearn Interior Design stuff and learn Graphic Design (i love do things in the computer)

- have a job that I like... I mean I really like (and I know that even like what u do u dont like it every day but still can u imagine working in something that makes u want to get up in the morning happily)

- retrieve my reading ability and read a lot (buy all the books that catch my eyes *---* )

- getting to know more awesome people

- learning physical things that I find cool (like i dont have any affinity with anything physical, I have no strenght either, I also have labyrinthitis what makes me give every time I try)

- buy my mom and my mom a house and give them enough money that they dont need to be worried about bills anymore (well this is probably higher in the list but since is a bigger thing I only thought about it now lol )

- taking care of my apparence I guess... I mean I would love to be able to dress in a way that i like and really be able to try things and find my own style but it would be cool to try to take care of own self too i guess... I’m not much but I guess with money and effort even I could get better, I mean my best can not be the best but still my best

- living in nice place that i’m not scared of being thrown out at any minute (renting a room in a strangers place is very worrisome) 

- OMG!! I just thought it: Go visit my international friends !!!! *----* (this one is hella important)

- do something praise worth

- have a little waterproof portable speaker so i can hear music while showering 

edit: somewhere in the begginig would be not being tired and not feeling miserable all the time, getting over my social phobia, stop having panic attacks, not driving myself insane with anxiety and intrusive thoughts, having my attention spam back, get over my body dysmorphia ... I went all for material things and forgot some pretty important stuff

This list didnt get not even close of the right order lol

it just went in the i just thought about it order lol

I guess I cant think of anything anymore... I’m already tired of dreaming of things I cant have lol 

but it was kind of fun think about nice things

[sunflowerhae]

Lifeboat

N.J (2k)

A/N• this is purely indulgent. It also has quite heavy themes, but at this point are any of us surprised. I want to make something clear, the reader doesn’t do what she does bc of what happens with her and Jaemin (I’m trying not to spoil). I mean, that’s just a tip of the iceberg type situation. That being said, if you are having similar thoughts as our dear reader, please call your countries suicide hotline, and/or talk to someone you trust in your life. ALSO, I am not trying to romanticize any of the topics I wrote about, I’m trying to show that even the people that seem to have it all can be just as lost and broken as the rest of us, also that the most important thing you could be to a person is someone who asks them if they’re okay. Sometimes, that’s all a person needs - Someone to listen.

READ!⚠️angst, suicide,character death, drugs, heavy self-hating words, depiction of depression/mental illness, not specified, but insinuates⚠️

{🎵SOTS☁️; Lifeboat, Elle McLemore}

The world seemed to close in on you as you stared at the boy who stood before you with a hardened gaze in his eyes. While you only stood a good 3 feet away from him, you could feel the anger and helplessness radiating off of him, transferring itself onto you in sadness and heartbreak.

“Why?” Was the only thing you could manage to get past your lips.

“Y/n, it’s not that I don’t like you, of course I do. We’ve been dating for 2 years, but I’ve just been... uncomfortable almost the whole time. It’s not your fault, it’s just, your life. I can’t handle being with one of the most popular girls in school. You seem to have it all figured out, and everyone loves you, and I feel pushed to the side sometimes.” You didn’t understand why Jaemin was mad, but the small space under the bleachers where you both stood was enough to suffocate you to the point where you didn’t care to ask.

He didn’t understand.

They never understood.

No one.

You wanted to fight to save your relationship, but the words choked into the back of your throat, just like they did when Soojin would bully people in front of you, and you wanted to scream at her and pull the other person into your arms and whisper that it will all be okay and apologize apologize apologize, but you stayed rigid on her flank, silently trying to survive until you could get to Jaemins arms, or to the bottom of a beer bottle at yet another house party you were constantly forced to attend with your other two friends.

You choose to swallow your spit, and ask him, “is this because of soojin? Did she say something to you?” You knew your “dear” friend had a certain distaste for your long term boyfriend, because - as she had worded it - his kind doesn’t belong next to someone that Soojin had deemed acceptable enough to befriend (you); “His kind” being not necessarily the most popular. Him and his other friends were amazing people, and you wished you would have befriended them on the first day of freshman year, instead of the blonde girl in your Art 1 class that always had a red scrunchie. When Jaemin introduced you to them, you could tell they were hesitate to let you into their life - what with your position within your schools hierarchy system. You honestly didn’t blame them. However, after a while they warmed up to you, and you felt like you finally fit in with people. You thought these people would become your life long friends; long after you’ve left high school and forgotten all about the life you unwillingly lead.

You suppose that is no longer the case.

“No, yes, god I don’t know, y/n. It’s just, everything! You have friends that are bitches, and I never know when you’re just going to leave me and spread some terrible rumor about me!” He was silently yelling now. It was after school, and the football team was on the field - the other side of where you stood - practicing. There were people running on the track, cheerleaders practicing next to the field, leftover students wondering the grounds. Everyone was living, moving on with their lives and turning along with the Earth - why did you feel frozen? Why did you feel like nothing was ever going to keep moving and be okay and the world was never going to be beautiful again?

“Is that what you expect me to do, Jaemin? After two years of knowing me, is that what you think of me?”

“God, y/n, maybe! I see who you align yourself with so I wouldn’t be surprised if you were a bitch just like them!” You understood he was just hurting, like you, but that didn’t make the words hurt any less. You took a couple steps back from his figure with slow nods, before turning around fully and booking your way to your car.

Jaemin watched your retreating figure with tears curling into his eyes. He left not long after you did, still thinking about you on the way home. He didn’t know this at the time, but that was the last time he ever saw you. His first love, his first heartache.

You felt guilty.

You always did. You always had this insistent chewing at your intestines; this constant voice in your head telling you that everyone was better than you, and that you didn’t deserve the praise you got for being a good person.

You tried to fight the words and the icky feelings off with trips to the volunteer center - usually with Jaemin. You went that night, hoping that this constant pain in your heart after hearing jaemins smooth, venom-filled words would choke back and leave your system, like the terrible feelings usually did when you helped people. However, no matter how many people smiled at you, and no matter how many lives you got to help, the feeling only grew more and more.

You are worthless, y/n.

You only do charity work for your own need.

No one likes you.

You’ll never be loved.

Not even Jaemin loves you.

These ill thoughts were a normal occurrence for you. Usually, Jaemin would lay you down, rub your stomach, and whisper in your ear how beautiful you were to him, inside and out.

You were a nuisance and a waste to him, y/n.

The feelings never left, and you could tell people knew something was wrong with you, so you chose to leave the center early. On your way out, a familiar face had asked you where Jaemin was. You pretended you didn’t hear them.

Your room was dark. Usually, if you couldn’t have Jaemin, you would go to your parents. However, they were away at a dinner event for your mother’s work. You would never go to Soojin, and while you loved Haeyong, she had a tendency to tell Soojin about what you two privately talked about; always trying to get brownie points with the blonde girl who seemed to secretly hate her. You figured there was someone you could go to, and it didn’t hurt to try.

Y/n [10:57pm] u up???? I kinda need someone to talk to rn hAha. Read

Y/n [10:59pm] hello? 👉👈 Read

Y/n [11:02pm] Haechan why r you leaving me on read bro?? Ik he’s your best friend, but we don’t have to talk about him, I just need someone to talk to pLS pls. Read

[MISSED CALL FROM Y/N] 11:02PM

Haechan [11:03pm] listen y/n we shouldn’t talk anymore, I’m sorry. You were a good friend, but Jaemin was and always will be first to me. And he’s right, we never know when you’re going to do a 180 on us and tell all of our secrets to everyone. We can’t - and never have been able to - trust you. I’m sorry, really. You’re a popular girl. You don’t need us, you’ll forget. When we became friends with you, we didn’t really want to, Jaemin kinda forced us to, I hope u understand. :/ we’ll forget about u, u forget about us. Deal? Read

Y/n [11:04pm] um ok. Sorry for bothering you all, have a good night Read

Y/n [11:03pm] when will u be home?Read

[MISSED CALL FROM Y/N] 11:04PM

Mom [11:06pm] not for a while, ask Jaemin to come over if you’re scared of being alone. Read

Y/n [11:06pm] mom i hate to be annoying but can u and dad come home rn??? I need u Read

[MISSED CALL FROM Y/N] 11:06PM

Mom [11:08pm] are you dying? Has someone broken in? Are you unsafe?Read

Y/n [11:08pm] um,,,,no Read

Mom [11:10pm] well then no y/n. You know how much this award means to me, I’ve been constantly working lately and finally might get recognized for it. If I leave now, I might not get it. Can whatever you need wait? Read

Y/n [11:11pm] Um yeah. I love u Read

Mom [11:12pm] u too💖 Read

Why were you never first?

Why was there no one who asked you if you were okay?

If there was, what would you say?

See y/n? No one likes you.

You’re a bother to them.

Maybe you should fix that.

Maybe if you made their lives easier, they would love you.

You didn’t deserve their love, but maybe?

Maybe the pills could love you.

They were always there for you.

Maybe, they could help others love you too.

Love love love love.

Maybe.

Maybe.

They say your parents found you in bed.

They thought you were sleeping. I mean, all your lights were off, it was late.

But in the morning, when your mother came to wake you up and saw that your eyes were wide open, well....

They found the note on your desk across the room.

It was dated a year before.

You had written it a year before.

Everyone admitted that it was such a beautiful note. Heartbreaking? Yes. gut-wrenching? Of course. But beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

They gathered everyone into the gym the next day in intervals. Freshman, who didn’t understand what was really happening, but had heard your name and definitely knew who you were, and could put two and two together.

Next, the sophomores. Like the freshman, they only had heard of you. Some had met you, some cried. You were kind, they knew.

After them, the juniors. Chenle and Jisung were sitting in the corner. Jisung was sobbing into Chenle’s lap, while silent tears fell down the olders’ face. You had always been willing to play video games with them, and were such a kind hearted person. They remember last night, when they were all sitting together and haechan had read your texts you sent out loud, and all of them were so busy feeling for Jaemin, that they blindly informed Haechan on what he should say. On how to break your heart. Chenle wished Haechan had called her.

Finally, the seniors. Soojin and Haeyong sat in the back, as always. They were both upset because you had not been answering their texts.

Renjun, Haechan, Jeno, and Jaemin were sitting on the other side. They had not been told what the assembly was about, but when the teacher got the call about it, halfway through math, she sat at her desk for a couple of seconds with her head in her hands. They knew whatever the assembly was about was not good.

Haechan was the first to react out of the four.

He whispered your name silently with wide eyes rounded on his face. His mind went to the first time you met him. You played him in a round of Overwatch to get him to warm up to you, and easily beat him. Besides Jaemin, he was probably the one you were closest to.

Jeno just kept looking at his lap with evident tears denting dark spots onto his jeans. Renjun, who was sitting next to Jaemin, couldn’t take his eyes off the boy to his right, terrified that he would faint.

Jaemin felt sick. He knew he looked pale, and his head felt a bit dizzy. He tasted metallic in his mouth, and finally registered that he was biting the inside of his cheek so hard, he was drawing blood. He wanted to leave, but he was too far up on the risers to get down.

Soojin cried. It was uncharacteristic of her, but at this point she didn’t care. How had she not seen it? Was she that self centered that she had really not seen it on you? Her best friend?

Haeyong wished you had called her, wished you had told her. But why would you? She knew she didn’t deserve to hear your heartache, but she still wished.

They read out your note. Your beautiful, heartbreaking, gut-wrenching note. They read it. And the student body listened.

I float in a boat

In a raging black ocean

Low in the water

And no where to go

The tiniest lifeboat

With people I know

Cold,

Clammy and crowded

The people smell desperate

We’ll sink any minute

So someone must go

The tiniest lifeboat

With people I know

Everyone’s pushing

Everyone’s fighting

Storms are approaching, there’s no where to hide

If I say the wrong thing

Or I wear the wrong outfit

They’ll throw me right over the side

I’m hugging my knees

And the captain is pointing

Well who made her captain?

Still, the weakest must go

The tiniest lifeboat

Full of people I know

The tiniest lifeboat

Full of people I know

Lemme know if you’d like a part two? Idk. Like I said this is purely indulgent so it’s not that good sorry :///

[reversecreek]

lily for magda (thinking about figs feeling evil), tulip for cricket, marigold for ziggy, chrysanthemum for bradley, belladonna for nyla

lily :   how does your muse view their mother ?  

magda doesn’t know a lot abt her mum. she knows vague snippets n details bt they’re all very elusive. it’s kind of a tricky subject where her mum’s concerned bc when she was younger she’d come up w all these assumptions abt how her mum was n who she’d be if she were with her but the rational part of magda was like..... u don’t know any of this. ur literally making things up. it’s kind of hard for a kid to have that vital person missing from their life n to resist the urge to fill in the blanks with their own projections so the space feels less empty. it’s like having a tooth missing n ur tongue always going back to poke at the spot in ur gum. there’s a constant reminder of loss in that. magda knows her mum liked to sing bc her dad said once she’d always sing to her belly when she was pregnant. this is a lot of the reason why magda has always cared so much abt music bc she took this fact in her fist n grasped it tight n never let go n in a way grew parts of herself around it. it’s like............. i feel like her mum dying in childbirth gave her lots of issues when it comes to her identity n like. who she is n who she wants to be.......... bc of magda’s issues w her dad i feel like she got into this habit growing up of rly putting who her mum could have been on a pedestal n basing everything around that.... she’d be like I’m More Like Her (a belief which was only accelerated bc her dad would drunkenly say she looked so much like her) n cling onto that so she liked herself more bc the other option was her dad who she loves but he’s also an incredibly flawed person n they hv a complicated relationship...... i think as she’s gotten older she’s realised her mum cld very well have been that way too n putting people on pedestals isn’t the way to go about things but. idk. as a kid she was kind of obsessed w this idea of her n this idea that her mum being gone was the beginning n end of everything wrong in her life. for the most part now magda accepts she never knew her n sometimes even feels stupid for grieving her at all bc she never knew her to grieve in the first place but. there’s a tiny part of magda tht still hangs on to the comfort of what she could have had n it’s obvious by the fact she still keeps a photograph of her folded up in her pillow. she loves the mum she made up in her head n she wishes she got to meet her. there’s this sense tht maybe then she wouldn’t feel like this culmination of missing parts more than a person if she’d had that in her life. sighs n lks away holding my dyed black emo bang.....

tulip :   how does your muse view people in general ?  

cricket is like. the strangest little anomaly of a person FGHKSFGHSFKGH bc like. u would rly think that after everything he’s been thru he would just have this absolutely jaded view of people and life in general and i wouldn’t even......... blame him for it if he did like. i’d understand completely bc he’s experienced A Lot of bad stuff. n yet somehow he just.... idk. i think i wrote in a reply once this comparison of cricket n a cockroach in the sense that they have this incredibly reinforced exoskeleton n even if they’re stomped flat they can keep living n bounce back from it n that’s very him but it’s more specifically the hope inside him. he has this little candle lit that good things can still happen midst all of the terrible things n i genuinely can’t see it snuffing out at any point even tho sometimes he might want it to. sometimes i think he even gets into these frames of mind where it jst infuriates the fk out of him bc in his head he’s like why do u even think good shit can happen when u have sm overwhelming evidence to the contrary but then he’s also like. look u can dwell on the bad or u can notice the way the light falls thru the leaves in the trees and u can think to urself inside ur head as u listen to someone u love talking abt something that makes them happy ‘hey this feeling is nice n there’s a dozen others like it’. idk. against all odds he’s an optimist. he has tinnitus in his left ear n sometimes he pretends the ringing is angels trying to talk to him. he likes to search for the silver linings in things to make them bearable n that’s how he gets by. obviously he knows there’s evil in the world n that a lot of people can be shit bc he has firsthand experience w that but he also believes there are people to serve as the antithesis to that n he wants to focus on them bc like. why give bad stuff the time of day. not necessarily always a positive coping mechanism (if u bottle up bad feelings n thoughts they leak thru one way or another aka his overwhelming anxiety) but like.... i think there’s a lot of bravery in that n i respect him for it i won’t lie. he cld have become very bitter bt instead he’s like that quote that’s like 'the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it'. suddenly slaps his little anxious rump (supportive) (affectionate)

marigold :   is your muse prone to jealousy ?  how might they handle envious feelings ?  

it’s hard to say w ziggy............... i feel like he doesn’t want to think he’s prone to jealousy bc he’s like i’m literally a god wdym i simply wld never give a fk bc i know i’m above all else................. but like. do u actually believe that ziggy. do u. FKGJHKSJGHFGSHFGKSHGKFHG. he’s good at convincing himself at least........... has me fooled too most of the time. bt. thinks abt this.............. i feel like he doesn’t tend to get jealous over ppl he hooks up w a lot of the time bt there’s definitely a few select ppl he might.......... n then he doesn’t rly know what that feeling is bc he’s so unused to feeling it so he’s like wtf why am i so fking pissed off over the thought of this person fking that person? like literally doesn’t even. connect the dots n make the logical conclusion bc it jst seems so bizarre n nonsensical to him. rly is awful at working out his own feelings like. he cld just suddenly explode one day n have to smash a bunch of shit in a junkyard n after his chest is heaving n he has all this broken stuff around him n he’s just like yo wtf was that man forreal lmfaoooooooooo..... like he just doesn’t even get how his own emotions work it’s tragic n it’s men for u. w anxious feelings he represses them a lot he doesn’t rly understand what they r or know how to recognise them........... i honestly feel like he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his mum esp w her dating n like some of the guys they’ve both had to deal w that she’s dated in the past.......... i doubt he processes that healthily or expresses it healthily either..... probably contributes to the tensions between him n his mum they hv a lot of underlying issues that come out in the form of bickering n petty disagreements...... probably a huge contributor to him acting out so terribly in high skl was just all this pent up worried energy with no means of making sense of itself or like. place to go. like shaking a coke bottle over n over n finally having to crack the lid n let it fizz on something. i also think he probably swallowed a lot of jealousy growing up whenever other kids had gd relationships w their fathers or parents in general probably ws kind of like lmfaooooo yo why don’t mine love me like that. in his head...... so ya. i think he copes w anxious feelings by acting out n also fucking if we’re being honest......... it helps him let off steam <3 king of clapping cheeks ig....

chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?  

bradley is kind of hard to read romantically like from an outside perspective but slides on my thin rimmed spectacles n picks up my scalpel to delve right in to the nitty gritty of her brain... omg... that sounded... kind of scary actually but. it’s ok. basically settles in. bradley struggles to verbalise her feelings in this regard but also in a general sense honestly.... like she’s spent a lifetime having any vulnerable or negative feeling shut down....... her dad’s the type of personality where it’s like... u can’t win. even tho he’s narcissistic n thinks he’s a god if u compliment him or express affection he’ll act pleased but there’ll also be this register in his eyes where he thinks less of u for it. so this rly had a domino effect in bradley’s emotional expression in all grounds of life...... romance is probably the most frivolous concept to tony so bradley definitely internalised some of these views n wld feel stupid for ever taking anything seriously in that regard or rly investing herself..... she also just. idk. love has only ever left bite marks in bradley’s world so she’d kind of like ‘why wld i ever expose my tender spots n open myself up to someone just so they can sink their teeth in’. i will say tho that like. despite that she can in rare instances develop those feelings n it’s always like..... quite a struggle for her when she does. she doesn’t rly understand it or how to deal w it. she finds talking about it hard n she feels childish or weak in the eyes of whoever knows how she’s feeling. it takes a long time n a lot of work to earn it bt bradley in love is like. ur the only person on the planet who knows how gentle she can b. she’d literally like. touch the face of this one guy i wrote her being in love w when he was sad so gently it was shocking it ws like a love tht deep unlocked a whole other part of her she didn’t know existed. sex is a big part of her love expression jst like. a lot of it. so much. JHGSFKHGSFGKHFKGSHG let’s get it.......... she’s a ride or die n doesn’t do anything in halves. she has a nasty habit of pushing good things away n also wld probably do this to protect the other person bc her world is a never ending shit show with her father’s presence in every room even when he isn’t physically there. she wldn’t wna subject someone she loved to the danger of that bc she hates it enough herself so. idk. smiles w hand on hip. love isn’t something bradley thinks is on the menu fr her bc she’s only ever known it to be hard or mean n why bother trying when that’s the case. it feels like there’s always small print attached tht will hurt her in the end n nothing is free or genuine. very doomed outlook on love in general tbh.

belladonna :   how does your muse respond to silence ?   do they take comfort in soundlessness ,   or seek to fill the void with noise ?  

nyla honestly doesn’t mind silence at all........ they always wake up rly early in the morning no matter what time they went to bed. it’s like someone programmed an oven timer into their brain n often when they wake up at 6am or something they’ll go on walks around irving tottering in their own little world which is quite a quiet experience in itself when the rest of the world’s asleep........... always off on impromptu adventures they came up w on the spot.......... sometimes they get lost in their own train of thought too so they just randomly fall silent bc they’re having a whole conversation w themselves inside their head or like. writing a whole children’s story abt an iguana in a trench coat floating in a hot air balloon smoking a little vintage pipe all the way to peru. honestly for every 1 thing nyla says there’s about 4987295749572592745 things they don’t say tht are x100 times stranger n more nonsensical they sort of let it all drift thru their head like an open sieve for the most part. having said tht i think in order to sleep at night they probably need some sort of white noise or smthn................. it’s handy living in a beach house bc they just leave the window open to let the ocean gush bt sometimes if they’ve snuck into like. mido’s bed fr the night or someone’s bed idk the sound of them breathing works too................. they used to always sleep w bob ross playing on loop n that was rly comforting to them esp bc he reminds them a lot of their dad w his calming voice n energy.............. sometimes they’d have taken smthn n they’d literally hallucinate it as their dad instead of bob ross n this happened so many times in a row fr a period of time tht when they finally watched it sober they were like wtf since when did they recast my dad in this show...... KJHFGSHFGKSHFKGH but also. frowns... bit sad considering. 

[icarianiscariot]

i am,, an actor,,, everything is a performance. this is a vent and it. got very long? anyway

i keep forgetting that i'm in a relationship slkjdflksdjlkfjdsf which is shitty but. i dunno. i haven't really told many people or made a big deal out of it and,, i kinda. regret? maybe? getting into it? it's not BAD it's just. boring?

no offense to them but i just. am bored. and they're like.. hm. like, they would be in the high school friend group adjacent to mine, if we were in high school together? in the sense that i. don't vibe w their specific personality type, if that makes sense? idk how to explain this hmmmm

i'm a quiet person generally, but that also comes with the idea that when i talk, people do hear me. or, i'm very very chatty, and i end up with a lively conversation. but it's like...... half the time i don't think they've heard me at all. or like, they aren't really listening? i'll say something and then they're on to a different topic entirely, which. is annoying.

and it's not even in the way that ADHD brain goes ZOOM, it's genuinely like. what.

and, again, no offense to them but i am just. bored. we don't talk about mutual interests very much, or if we do, they are pretty stubborn in their opinions? and it's not like we're getting Excited Together about the thing. our shared interests will come up and it's just a passing comment or something.

i keep forgetting that we're supposed to be in a relationship.

AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABT IT RN EITHER FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS

1. it's their birthday month and i am not that cruel

(1a) they mentioned that april is a depressive time for them bc they've had a lot of people leave their life in various aprils through the years, and a traumatic incident happened to them in april, so it's a hard time for them. i KNOW i shouldn't guilt trip myself over this, but like. it would be a dick move to ditch now, after they've admitted this fear of theirs

(1b) they have also told me that, alongside this april-induced fear of abandonment, they specifically are afraid of me getting bored of them. FUCK--

2. they're getting a new job which means they might be able to visit me soon

(2a) i am tempted to wait until after we've met up irl BECAUSE that'll be kinda like. when i'm for sure "yes i have enough feelings for this to continue" or "no apparently i don't have enough feelings for this to continue"

(2b) yes it's a long distance relationship, which isn't actually a big deal to me, i'm okay with that!! we're adults and having a ldr isn't my issue with it.

it's such a coin toss on if i'm going to like. feel desire to hang out, too. bc i really truly do enjoy their company! i want them in my life in some capacity! but. like. as friends, i think? 60% of the time? 75% of the time?

we have super great chemistry sometimes!! like, i def do understand why i agreed to be in a relationship with them.

it's just. in between those times, i'm. ugh. i feel like i have more interesting interactions + more chemistry with my friends than i do with them. OTL

i guess we just. go with it. it's certainly not a BAD situation. primarily, i feel guilt whenever i experience attraction to anyone else and i feel bored with the relationship and sometimes, to be completely honest, i dread phone calls and long conversations. my attention is elsewhere 80% of the time.

and that makes me such a shitty partner, i know!! like, jack, if you don't have feelings then just break up!!

but i DO have feelings for them sometimes! and i don't wanna be that douchebag who's like, "hey we should break up" *two weeks later* "baby i miss u so bad i want u back" (and, part of me thinks that. if i break up with them, i'll hate myself, bc then i'll want them More)

it's just. a pendulum. and i'm tired and i'm BOREDDDD.

"you should communicate your feelings" RIGHT YES OKAY HOW.

hey, so, i know april is a terrible month for you, and your birthday is coming up, and you have this fear of people getting bored of you, and you've been planning on flying halfway across the country to visit me, and you've told me already that you're kind of in love with me, but...

LIKE HOW SHITTY CAN I BEEEEEEEEEEE

i do like them. i like them a lot. i do! i'm. hm.

conflicted.

i'm just gonna leave things be. it's fun to have a partner, on the good days. we do cute shit together, which is lovely. and like. seeing things and thinking of them, sharing cute stuff with each other, having someone to just... know is mine and likes me that much and ??

UGH. ugh ugh ugh ugh.

"if you're having these thoughts then maybe you should just break up with them" BUT IN LIKE 24 HOURS I'LL BE CRAVING THEIR ATTENTION AND AFFECTION--

in the long run, yes, it would be better for me to break it off, bc i'm. i'm not,,, suuuuuuuuuuuuuper emotionally invested? i am! but i'm not. but ALSO there's. no harm. in keeping it going? because i AM to a degree emotionally invested, and i DO like them a lot, and things ARE pretty good.

i just. i knew this would happen, bc my attraction to people ALWAYS only lasts for like 2-3 weeks? we've been dating for like, a month and a half or so now. and i Can Tell, i guess.

i dunno. i dunno i dunno i dunno.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

so i was reading one of those lame “10 red flags that are long term relationship no-no’s” or some dumb shit listicle articles where some points on the list are actually legit and some seem a little banal to a point. this one, being an example to also call out my 14/15 year old self for screaming at clear braces boy when he updated his relationship status and sent teenage me a relationship request back in 2010/year 9 (please mind that i actually didn’t hold the same feelings as he did. but it was one of those stupid forced high school relationships that a whole year group thinks should happen bc two kids just talk to each every fucking day because they’re J U S T G O D D A M N E D F R I E N D S for fucks sake):

like on some levels, sure. NOT going “public” on your relationship on social media could be a red flag.... but generally???? i don’t think it is, especially when so many of my old friends barely update their relationship statuses (like they have it hidden or still list themselves single bc like who cares, right?).... or even post photos/statuses of themselves with their s/o, unless it’s a big thing like buying a house/land for a house, getting engaged, their wedding etc at all anymore.

hell, it’d be hard for someone to “go public” on social media with me as a partner.... considering the fact that i’ve never bothered with making an instagram account. i’ve deleted my snapchat and don’t think “snap scores” etc count for anything in making healthy relationships. like how dumb can you be (unless of course social media is your job) basing your relationships on snapchat scores and/or instagram likes or doing couples social media challenges??? or retweet amounts??? like really??? that’s a fucking recipe for jealousy and couple self-doubt and comparisons etc right there, bud.

why document every part of your relationship on social media???? okay, sure. if they don’t post ANYTHING of you together; maybe that’s a problem for some people???? but honestly. i personally wouldn’t mind that. bc god. do we really need everyone nosing in on our relationship business, dude??? like really??? i don’t want people gossiping about us or whatever the fuck idek. or i don’t want to be that absolutely nauseating couple that posts photos on every social media platform like every fucking day or whatever being all “i love you so much babe you’ll always be my 🌏!!!!” to the point where like 90% of your friend/follower lists block you bc you’re just that irritating. basically this is what i went off at clear braces boy for in year 9 tbh.

just idek. i think the “not posting your relationship status on social media” and “not posting generally of you on social media” would differ person to person. bc i don’t need you to perform your love for me on my social media feed, bro.... like some dating show such as idek, love island? that’s not how you prove to me that we’re serious??? although i might get hate for this considering that i’ve never been in a relationship (bar the one mentioned above) so what would i know???

but at the same time, like it’s kinda banal doing these things by your mid20s right???? like i’m not 14 anymore. we should keep our relationship private bc you know how social media is these days.... even just generally even with people you know. like i sometimes play guessing games with who has a partner or whose broken up with their partners or whose getting married etc on my own fb feed or lurking through old friends who deleted me/never had me on social media in the first place profiles to see how they’re doing and who they’re dating (if they are). like..... it’s weird man.

and it’s even more concerning if you’re a social media person like a youtuber or a popular instagrammer (or instagram couple) or popular twitter account person or whatever. like people can be so fucking awful to famous people’s/accidentally famous people’s partners with like sending death threats or whatever..... that why would you even BOTHER posting about your relationships when you get those creepy asf fans doing that???? like idek man.

and finally when you think about those memes that say things such as:

- “yeah miss/mr he’s/she’s etc etc my world!!!! who’s your new “world” this week? like, damn bitch. are you building a fucking universe each week?”

or

- “gonna call up all my tinder matches at once to see if they’d like being on the bachelorette starring me!!”

or

- “tagging your crush in memes like “these cats are us: i’m the little cat and you’re the big cat” to drop MAJOR HINTS 😂🙃. am i right ladies????”

or whatever other garbage dating meme tweets that you can think of... because if you tag someone on them, on some level, you’re showing your relationship with the person anyway??? like obvs it’s not a lot. that’s a given. but people can read so deep into that sometimes and think you’re dating the person or something when in reality you’re just friends.

for example, i always get asked about two dudes who like/react to my fb statuses quite often and who i tag in memes often with “uh. yeah. what’s actually happening there???” by my best/close friends and i’m like “honestly? i have no idea. but i’ll keep you updated”. but if someone i’ve known for ages, but has never bothered to reach out to me for like 10 years, just randomly dropped me a dm to ask about this sitch i’d be like “yeah janina, thanks for your concern. but like.... we haven’t spoken in years???? idk why you suddenly think my love life... or even my life in general past “i hope she’s doing okay”.... is your business all of a sudden” like idk guys. social media is so fucking invasive and weird and toxic in so many ways to relationships that anything can be taken out of context. and don’t even get me started on the memories throwback function that could take you down some terrible roads (like if you were in an abusive relationship or something) if you never delete shit from your profile.

yeah. anyway. it’s bleh. and i don’t think that your partner not constantly updating your relationship on fb or being awkward about updating their relationship status or whatever the fuck, should be considered a red flag in some sense; and it can mean different things to different people. what i’m getting at is: why can’t we have privacy anymore?

people can feel free to call me shady or whatever. but i’m not being shady in any way, shape, or form. i’m questioning whether people really need to air their relationships in full (no matter whether they’re genuinely reciprocal and love filled; or unhealthy and unrequited- like my stalker back in years 11/12... and also clear braces boy).... and/or at the end of a relationship... air any or all of their dirty laundry through their social media feeds. it’s unhealthy asf that social media rules our lives that much. and that it seems almost to be a fucking requirement to share EVERYTHING about your life on social media to whoever, whenever. finally i’m saying that showing your love has become almost like a competition against other couples going “official” on different social media platforms by updating their rs status or tagging each other in their posts or writing corny lovey-dovey statuses with the starry eyed couple in a photo underneath. like ugh. i hate it.

[orbitariums]

I have a request: Peter Parker finding out his gf (y/n) is an avenger? Maybe he doesn't realize until a certain fight? Thank you, and I hope you are having a great day! - first ask anon (I guess I'll just call myself that 🤣🤣)

hi !! yes welcome back first ask anon and thank you so much for this request i’ve had the loveliest time writing it (s/o to my friend emily for helping me w/ some details bc i’m still new to marvel). hope you enjoy!! heads up this is like super long for a tumblr one shot *at least i think so*, if you guys request me stuff be prepared for it to be longgg!

disclaimer: fighting scenes are not my strength, especially for a marvel character!!! hope the plot makes up for it. also i pretty much just made up a villain and a fight. + switches between she/you when peter is first seeing the reader. ++ inspired by teen titans and kill la kill! contains: slight language + violence of course. hope u love it!

                             violet blast and spiderman (pt. i)

     Spiderman was good. This guy was better.

     Terrified bystanders and entrapped citizens watched in the crowded street as Peter tried desperately to simultaneously protect the woman he’d saved and fight off the bad guy. But doing both at once was wearing him out and his mind couldn’t help but keep going back to the fact that he had made no progress with his math project back at home because he kept delaying it to adhere to the role of friendly neighborhood Spiderman.

Plus he had a date with you later that weekend that he was stressing about because he wanted everything to go perfectly. But he kept up, and kept up with his banter all the while, just barely dodging the bad guy’s grotesque metal fist as he rolled underneath him and tried to shoot a web at him from behind and flip him over.

     “You know, you really should invest all this energy into being less of an asshole!” Peter yelled out, rolling to his side to avoid being smashed again.

     This guy was like the Hulk, except he had the robotic, armored qualities of Iron Man, if Iron Man looked like a giant made out of concrete with glaring red eyes and a deformed metal hand that was not doing Peter any favors.

     “Concrete Man!” the beast roared, swiveling around to face Peter who looked like an ant from where he was standing.

     “Really, Concrete Man, that’s your name? Yeah, Iron Man called, he wants his trademark ba-” Peter’s voice got carried away as he found himself getting swooped up by “Concrete Man”, his body slowly getting crushed in his metallic grasp.

     Peter’s breath became shallow as he tried to escape, looking down at the people below him who were now crowding closer, screaming in terror. He tried to find the woman in the crowd, at least to tell her to run away to safety now that Concrete Man was distracted, but he only caught a glimpse of her, and she was staring up in transfixed terror as well.

     “Shit!” Peter exclaimed, growing panicky.

     He tried to outstretch his arms in the hopes to web this guy’s face and get it in his eyes so he’d at least let go of Peter, but to no avail. Peter let out a panicked gasp but calmed down when he realized he could still stretch out his feet against Concrete Man’s body, and so he pressed his feet against his bulky build and pushed off, extending his arms over Concrete Man’s hand so he could flip off.

     He knew that when he did he’d be awaiting a hard pummel to the ground, but he did so anyway, flying through the air momentarily before finding his landing midair and sticking it. He tried to maintain his heavy breaths as he continued to fight against Concrete Man, sticking out his hand in the attempts to catch his legs in a spiral and make him fall to the ground, and then go off from there. 

     But before the web could even shoot, he was shoved aside by another figure, a girl about the same height as him, a little taller even.

     “Move Peter,” you said hostilely, shoving him aside and standing your ground in front of him.

     Peter had to do a double take to make sure he was seeing correctly, and to make sure he had heard correctly as well. Whoever this was had said his name, so that meant she knew who he was somehow. But he had never seen her before in his life, so who could it be? His heart was racing with fear, and anxiety, and his head was pounding with fear, add in the way he was still practically hyperventilating from escaping Concrete-Man’s strong hold and the adrenaline rush.

     The girl had an interesting uniform (a mix of Starfire, Raven and Senketsu)- a navy blue crop top with mid-length sleeves, and a purple stem miniskirt held up by black suspenders, along with thigh high violet boots, and her whole uniform had all types of gadgets and buttons all over it. She also had on a dark blue cloak with a hood that masked her face so he couldn’t see her, but he was still in awe. In other words, she was kind of hot- if extremely powerful- and Peter couldn’t help but notice that.

     But he snapped out of it when he realized what was actually happening, and when he saw that you had propelled yourself up into the air to fight this guy off yourself. He wanted to complain that this was his fight, even though he was losing terribly, but couldn’t when he saw that you had blasted this villain guy in the face with blinding blasts of ultraviolet radiation. The concrete on his face crumbled slightly and he roared in anger, swooping his hand to try and grab you up, while you were floating in the air.

     He roared again when he missed as you dodged his clenching fist with ease, lurching forward and sending passerby into a panic as the ground shook beneath them.

     “Foolish girl! You dare to challenge me, your worst nightmare?”

     “Not much of a challenge,” you retorted, and Peter laughed, then shut himself up when he realized he should probably be doing something, but he didn’t know what.

     “You look like a schoolgirl in that redundant uniform!” yelled out Concrete Man out of spite. “Get back to class!”

You paused midair, just sort of bouncing in the air, but now your eyes were glowing green and you felt energy activating inside of you that you knew would be deadly for Concrete Man, and extremely riling for you.

     “Aw,” you crossed your arms, your voice eerily monotonous. “You made me angry. Good luck in advance.”

     Concrete Man started to laugh, but before he could even get out a good bellow, you darted forward, feet first, and rammed yourself into his face, nailing him so hard he practically stumbled, your superhuman strength and berserker state granting you immunity to the aftermath of the blow and even greater strength. 

     The people below gasped and stumbled back, and some people started to run. Meanwhile, you were launching great green blasts of energy from out of the palm of your hands and into the villain’s face, blinding him and making him even more vulnerable as he groaned in pain at the heat of the power surges you were sending out.

Peter just looked up, his voice shaky because he was intimidated by you now, and choked out,

     “U-um, d-do you need any help? Sh… should I be doing anything right now? I’m really confused, woah-”

     “No! Shut up and get that woman to safety!” you yelled, only because you were angry and he was distracting you.

     He did exactly that and ran over to the lady who Concrete Man had been attacking previously to get her to safety, and practically managing the crowds of people running by and trying to escape. You, on the other hand, were this much closer to defeating Concrete Man. 

     With blast after blast you had practically rendered him powerless, and he was staggering back, about to fall hard onto the ground. As Peter watched, he realized your maneuvers and techniques - the way you were hot headed and fast on your feet, just hitting him with move after move - reminded him an awful lot of someone… someone he was incredibly close to, but in his haze he couldn’t think of who.

     “EVERYBODY MOVE BACK!” you yelled out to the few people who were standing underneath where Concrete Man was going to fall.

     Everyone ran and when he finally fell, tumbling and crashing to the hard ground, you zoomed down, your eyes still gleaming a flashing green, and hovered above his disintegrating face, mocking him,

     “Who the fuck is a little schoolgirl now!”

     He bellowed and tried to get back up, but you were already harnessing your energy between your two hands, pressing the right wrist over the left wrist in a clamping maneuver and muttering,

     “Get back to class,” before blasting an explosion of radiation at him that made him cry out in agony as he melted into the ground, just a puddle of wet cement like he had been before.

     The people that remained cheered raucously and you came back down to the ground, a few feet ahead of Peter who had watched the whole thing go down in awe. You couldn’t help but smile, back to your normal state after releasing all of that energy, and bow just for even more effect.

     You swerved around to face Peter now, remembering the mistake you had made in calling him by his name. You had meant to tell him sooner or later, but in your anger at seeing him get so mishandled by this wannabe Ironman you had slipped up and soon the cat would be out of the bag. You knew your boyfriend could be a bit of a ditz sometimes, despite his pure genius, so you figured he hadn’t yet put two and two together.

     “Who are you?” Peter was first to talk, his face a mix of horror and confusion.

You breathed out loudly, catching your breath,

     “Follow me.”

     Reluctantly, he did, and you led him to a quiet alley where no one else was, and this just so happened to be the alley where he left his backpack and changed into his Spiderman uniform everyday. Something was definitely up.

     You looked around to make sure the coast was clear, and when you had decided it was safe, you got awfully quiet and looked him in the eyes, though he still couldn’t decipher the face because you were masked.

     “Peter, it’s me,” you said solemnly, your face and voice hopeful that you wouldn’t be angry.

     It was like a lightbulb, no, a fuse, lit up and exploded over his head. He almost took a step back, he was so shocked, and everything started to come together. He started getting eight by ten glossies of his life, but just the moments he shared it with you, and all the weird things about you he had brushed off. 

     Like for example, your insane flexibility despite you proving to him multiple times you hadn’t set foot in a gymnasium for gymnastics since you were a kid, your excuses for leaving suddenly out of nowhere, your off days where you seemed to be supernatural when angry. It all made sense now.

     “YN?” his already high voice cracked as he squeaked out your name, and you smiled apprehensively, hoping he wasn’t mad.

     “Um… hi?”

     “I don’t believe it. I do, but… wh- how does this even happen… you knew I was Spiderman all this time? And- and you, who… who even are you! If you’re a villain we have to break up… you’re not a villain are you? Please don’t be, I love you. I-I mean, that’s a strong word, could be scary, but you’re scary so I don’t want to get you upset by saying that if you’re not ready. Are you ready? Am I talking too fast, I feel like I’m talking really fast. Okay, woah, I’m a little light-headed, I’m gonna sit down.”

     He sat up against the wall and you chuckled, standing in front of him- the boots really added height and you practically towered over him- on top of that he was sitting down. You thought it was cute that he found you scary, hell, you thought he was cute - he on the other hand was intimidated by your even further enhanced beauty (because you were already beautiful to him but now even more so) and power. He was also trying very hard to look anywhere but at you, or at least at your face, because he had never noticed how absolutely ripped you were, more than him maybe.

     “Peter, calm down.” You removed your mask and cloak and he cleared his throat a bit too loudly, now that he could see your face. Then he started to choke and you made a disgruntled face as you glared down at him.

     “Sorry,” he held his hand out to excuse himself but continued coughing.

     “Look, I can’t tell you anything if you’re gonna be freaking out the entire time.”

          “Okay… okay, just… explain.”

     And you did- you explained how you were the most recent Avenger and how Natasha Romanoff had taken you under her wing for training, and how you had even visited other realms like Azarath and Tamaran to receive training from the former Teen Titans. You told him how this was really very recent and how you were going to tell him at some point, you just had to find the right time. He was planning on telling you too, at some point, since your relationship was getting quite serious.

     You explained that you hadn’t meant to call him Peter, but that you were just distracted and annoyed, and already angry, since Peter was getting hurt and you felt like you hadn’t gotten there soon enough to help out. And you explained how you wanted nothing more than for the two of you to remain the way you were relationship wise, and not to let this new knowledge about you or each other betray what you had. 

     But you emphasized that sometimes your job was more important than him and he totally understood that - you were the kind of headstrong girl who, even if hot-headed, had a good head on her shoulders and a strong belief in yourself. You wouldn’t let anyone, even Peter, your first love, come between that.

     “Wow…” Peter said, following your lengthy conversation. “So you’ve been an Avenger all this time?”

     “Like I said, I only gained Avenger status recently. Before that I was kind of like you… just more, y’know, lowkey I guess, since you didn’t know who I was… or who Violet Blast (your superhero name) was until now.”

     “Yeah… no kidding,” Peter panted. “You look really nice in your uniform by the way.”

You side-eyed him but winked playfully, 

     “You too if I were into the whole tights thing.”

     He made a face, irritated but satisfied- you were the same old smart mouthed you, even as an Avenger. You were sitting next to each other, still in the alley, and you hopped onto your feet again, pulling Peter up from the ground too. He winced at how hard you had grasped his hand- superhuman strength things- and couldn’t hide it before you noticed. You giggled,

     “Oops.”

     “Ha,” he laughed limply, because he was still a bit afraid of you.

     “Ok. I left my bag somewhere here…” you trailed off, starting to swivel around to try and find it.

Peter spotted it and dashed a web out towards it, pulling it towards you,

     “Got it!”

     You smiled and picked it up,

     “Aww. My boyfriend’s a little spiderbaby.”

     “Er- I’m a spiderman,” Peter corrected, folding his arms.

     “Yeah?” you teased him, rolling your eyes. You started to change back into your regular clothes, but Peter made a noise and asked,

     “Whaaat ya doin’?”

You made a face, bringing your brows together,

     “Changing…?”

He cleared his throat, feeling quite awkward now since it was very obvious, but his mind had gone somewhere it shouldn’t have, in his dazed mix,

     “We… yeah, I knew that. Just- you weren’t gonna give me a warning?”

You raised your brow even higher,

     “Peter, I’m your girlfriend.”

He squeaked out and started to complain,

     “Look, I’m really overwhelmed right now, with all this new information, so could you ju-”

     “Fine, turn around,” you griped, but you couldn’t help but laugh at him.

When you were done you waited for him to change too, but he just stared at you.

     “You want me to turn around,” you said, more of a statement than a question, and he nodded shyly.

When the two of you were finally in your regular clothes, though you were by no means regular at all, you carried on out of the alleyway as if you were. When you got out on the other side, you laced your hand through his, careful not to squeeze too hard,

     “And by the way, I do love you… too.”

Although this brought a boyish smile to his face and made him laugh joyously in that cute way of his, he was still a little confused,

     “What?”

You let go of his hand slightly, hoping he hadn’t just been rambling inattentively when he said that to you earlier, and already fearing losing him,

     “Just… you said, back there, when we… I don’t know, I thought you said you loved me. Back there.”

Your voice got low and your head hung and your insecurity was showing. But Peter’s face remained lit up, as he squeezed your hand to reassure you, bringing your hands back closer together,

     “Oh I know! I just wanted to make sure I was hearing you properly YN.”

You rolled your eyes and glanced over at him, basking in this moment- it didn’t seem real, but it was. The two of you, literal superheroes, together in what seemed to be life’s most fun and magical twist yet, not just the fact that you even had these abilities. And you were just two teenagers walking along the streets of Queens. And you shared your first I love yous. You couldn’t help but laugh and smile.

     “Sure, Spidey,” you smirked.

ahh ok i hope you and everyone else who read that liked it!! should i make a part two where they’re just figuring out how to act normally in school + when they’re around each other and stuff, and maybe more of them fighting together!! lmk <3 thanks so much for requesting first ask anon <3

[dontyouhearmehowling]

oh my god. Ok so I just scrolled through your blog and my heart hurts because there is so much love and just so much stuff I can relate too and I just ahhh damnnn it I cant even but like can I please have the story of your relationship with this girl your with? please? i'm a hopeless romantic I feel too much I love so hard my own love life is complicated but i know the kind of love you talk about thats exactly how i love the love of my life too so yours is a story I need to hear

ok so. it all started on April 31st, 2018. i reblogged one of those ask games and she sent me an emoji that said “i’m too scared to talk to you but i think you’re great” and i was like do it!!! and she did!!!! she texted me after i had already gone to sleep tho, so i only answered the next day. but then we talked all day. and the next. and the next. and we never ran out of things to talk about and even only knowing her for a few days i already felt comfortable enough with her to talk about anything?? it was wild. since day 1 we’ve had this connection that i’ve never had with anyone else and its my favorite thing in the world. after like a week we already had a bunch of inside jokes, something that i’d never had before, and i was already crushing on her. ok so we became very close friends like immediately, and i mostly ignored my crush on her bc i thought she didn’t like me back and usually i’d get meaningless crushes on everyone at first before i met her. but then this other girl and i started flirting and i realized i didnt like her bc i liked c too much, so i broke things off and kinda went like “oh shit this is real” and decided that i’d just stay friends with c until i eventually couldnt take it anymore and had to tell her abt my feelings bc thats how i am. anyways ok cool meanwhile i made her watch the good place on rabb.it with me which will be relevant later.

ok so fast forward to may 21st or something around that time. its time to sleep bc i have school the next day so we say goodnight, but then i guess she says something or reblogs something and i get sad bc i realize she doesnt like me back. so i make some hashtag sad posts abt yearning and then i realize i told her i was going to sleep and i didnt want her to think i didnt want to talk to her so i text her again and say like “ok i was going to go to sleep but then i got sad abt my crush” and SHE GOES “you have a crush????????” and im there like. what in the hell bc not only did i not try to hide it At All, i constantly posted about it and had an entire tag about her and i thought it was pretty obvious. so anyways i go “yes?? i thoought you knew that?? im literally always posting about it??” and she asks me to talk abt the crush and who it is. i say “just stalk the tag if u want, im going to sleep” then shes like “nO WAIT WHO IS IT” and im like. blatantly ignoring that and my heart is already beating out of my chest but she Really wants to know and then at one point i say “please dont make me answer that” so shE SAYS “you’re making me think that its me” and i say “i dont know what you want me to say” and SHE GOES “I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT ITS ME BC I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU” so i just. die. right then and there. also yknow we talk about it and its like after 1 am and im just happier than i’ve ever been. ok so 2 days later she asks me out Officially and its great and shes the cutest gf ever and she made me feel more wanted than i’d ever felt in my entire life. then 6 days later she sends me a big big big text on tumblr and long story short (bc it was kinda personal), she would be deleting her all social media for the summer.

so she was gone. and we had only dated for a week at this point, but we’d known each other for 2 months, and i already loved her. i already knew she was the love of my life. i didnt even try to move on, i’d tell people i didnt wanna move on cuz i knew i was meant to love her. i had another blog like this that i used to talk about how much i loved and missed her (so like. exactly like this). i literally reasoned with myself that like. that happened because before i met her i was in a really bad place after a terrible relationship and i was almost giving up on finding someone who actually made me feel loved bc i thought it would never happened, so i was like “ok so i was in a really bad place, so the universe brought my soulmate a little early just for a while so that i would know i had to hold on, and when its actually time for us to be together, it will bring us to each other once again” like i actually told myself that, in those words. and yknow what? i wasnt even wrong. on july 15th she texted me from an empty tumblr with her old url and at first i literally couldnt believe it but we talked for hours and hours and i asked her what happened bc i thought she was disconnecting for the summer and she said “i was. i am. i just couldnt not talk to you anymore” and she said that she thought about me every single day, and i told her i missed her and she said she didnt text sooner bc she thought i’d be angry at her and ofc i wouldnt, i could never be angry at her and besides, she was just taking care of herself and i said i dont think i could be anything less than head over heels for for, and she said she felt the same way, but wasnt ready to be more than friends yet. but that had always been more than enough for me. just having her in my life would always be more than enough for me. so we stayed friends.

then, on august 9th i got this ask.

and she saw it after i said i was gonna go to bed (bc again, i had school the next day) and she texted me a whole thing about how that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and that i should be asleep but she had to get it out of her chest and that her anxiety made it hard for her to show how much i meant to her so she was sorry if i didnt know and this would probably make no sense but she was tired of keeping it to herself bc shes the luckiest person alive for having met me and that it was gonna be so hard because shes so difficult (shes not) and her anxiety is difficult but that she literally spent every night thinking about me and of buying plane tickets to come see me so that she could be with me. then she was like “im sorry if this is uncomfortable to you and you can just ignore it but i think im in love with you and this is over text and not romantic at all (it was the most romantic night of my life) but you’re asleep (i wasnt) and we arent together but i want to be one day” and until this i was Trying to fall asleep and then i checked my phone that kept RINGING and died a thousand times over and started to answer and she sent other texts saying “i’ve never felt this way about anyone before i’m so in love with you its fucking ridiculous and this is gonna be so complicated but fuck i want this so bad / i’m sorry it took me so long / would you move to new york with me?” and i was This Close to literally fucking exploding like. how the hell was this happening how was it not a DREAM. so we talked and i obviously said i loved her too and eventually she asked me out and thats still probably the best night of my life. other highlights: “i’ve loved you way before august 9th so jot that down” and “off topic but i love you / you’re honestly my other half” and, after i said “you cant make me laugh its 2am”, she answered “i’m going to make you laugh for the rest of your life so help me god” and thats my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me probably and so far she’s kept her word.

anyways we got back together and then she told me that she never even told her friends she broke up with me??? bc that way she could keep pretending we were still together???? literally like sjdksndk imagine being this loved. i dont have to. anyways she wrote poems abt me sometimes and her christmas gift for me was gonna be a book with all her poems and she called it “what we owe to each other” because of the good place (remember how i said it’d be relevant later? its later) bc like she said that when we were watching tgp together on rabb.it thats when she realized that she Really Truly liked me like For Real. and the inscription on the book was going to be “to the girl i love / and what i owe her” and. yall. i cry. anyways one of the poems had a huge impact on us. heres the story:

and she got them but we broke up before she got to mail them to me. what happened was she had some mental health problems and she said she couldnt give me what i needed at the time but knew i’d still give her my all bc thats just how i am and she thought it wouldnt be fair so she broke things off to work on her mental health. she said she would need some time before we could be friends. the last thing we said was that we loved each other. this was in like november 2018, and we didnt talk for months. i actually tried to move on this time after a while, but it didnt take. and then i gave up for good. havent tried since. but anyways, then, on march 11th, 2019, i had my first day of college back in my home country, and we have this “pranks”/games that seniors get to do to the freshmen, and one of them required eggs, and they asked us to paint them, so i panted mine as iron man bc it was easy, but c LOVES iron man. like. LOVES. like in a Whole New Level of loving. once when we were dating she said she loved me more than tony stark and i was like. shook. like she tattooed “T.S” on her ankle after him. u get the point. she loves him very much, its adorable and endearing and i love it. anyways. so i sent her a picture of it saying like “you dont have to answer this but i made this for my university and i thought you would like it” and she answered and IMMEDIATELY something clicked and we talked and talked and talked and it was never weird or awkward or uncomfortable. it never is with her. its incredible, i cant explain it. i Know shes my soulmate like thats the ONLY possible explanation for this kind of connection. its unreal. anyways. we became friends again! all was well.

then one beautiful night she drunk texts me sndjkajs she sends me so many texts and says it sucks that we live so far away and that she saw my posts (in this particular case, one that said something about like. when she talked about love now, was it about someone else?) and she said that it wasnt. and then she went to sleep and i only saw the texts when i woke up and i was DYING bc we had a 4 hour difference and it’d take a while for her to wake up. when she did, we talked and she said she wasnt over me and was scared she might never be, and even though we were still gonna stay friends, it was nice to know that she still loved me. ok so fast forward a bit more and i was starting to wonder if she’d moved on again, when she finds out her best friend had a crush on her, and that conversation ends up with her saying “it was 100% platonic for me / sorry if thats weird i just wanted you to know that” and it was NOT weird it was GREAT NEWS bc i was Hella jealous of her best friend and at first i wondered if they were dating and anyways the fact that she wanted me to know that was a pretty good hint that she still had feelings for me. ngl im still somewhat jealous of h (c’s best friend), but thats just bc im an insecure lil bitch and also bc they get to go out and do stuff together that i cant do with c bc of the distance, yknow? but anyways. then she went on a graduation trip in mid to the end of june and she bought me a magnet. just. out of nowhere. i cannot stress enough how Incredibly unexpected this was. so much so that i actually convinced myself that it meant she was over me????? literally. what the fuck. anyways we named him together and coincidentally (or bc of soulmate powers. who knows) we both had the same favorite names. i still love that.

okay so then we go to july 29th, 2019. first of all theres one of my favorite interactions Ever which was like after i was venting about something and i was thanking her and i said “you’re always here for me” to which she answered “nowhere else i’d rather be” and i still think thats peak romance and i will take no criticism on this. anyways so then she sent me a poem that she wrote based on a song i’d sent her (the song i called “heaven is a place” and its the BIGGEST mood for being in love and i sent it to her bc it was how i felt about her so her writing a poem about it?? literally the best thing ever. love it) anyways it was a beautiful poem and i cried and got very emotional and kinda went too far in my compliments (aka being very obvious about my romantic feelings) and then i was like oh no sorry if i made u uncomfortable and she was like. “you have NEVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER made me uncomfortable” “you’re the only person on planet earth i am comfortably myself around” and “there’s nothing you could ever say that i wouldn’t wanna hear” and anyways it was just very good and romantic conversation even tho we were just cough cough platonic hashtag gal pals hashtag no homo ✌️ and then she was like ok wait. i need to talk to u abt something. and in short she said she was waiting for us and i was like well what are you waiting for exactly? and she was like idk?? for us to accidentally bump into each other in new york in a few years?? WHICH WAS LITERALLY WHAT I’D DAYDREAM ABOUT BACK IN JUNE 2018 BEFORE SHE CAME BACK OKAY so anyways we had a Great conversation and said i love you about a thousand times each and she decided she was gonna buy tickets to come see me. and then she dID like TWO DAYS LATER. lichrally. queen of impulsivity but in the best way possible.

—————

ok quick edit here cuz i forgot to say that when i found out she was coming i asked for my mom’s help to make a necklace pendant for her from scratch. my mom works with prosthetics so she has the material to make jewelry and back when c and i were dating in 2018 i had made this lil design for a necklace that had the moon and the ocean (bc duh) and i was gonna give it to her for valentines day in 2019 but we broke up before that so i didnt get the chance, but when i found out i was meeting her i knew i had to. so i made the necklace in wax, like this:

and my mom took it to her work and heated it up to melt it and keep the shape of it to fill with silver, and this was the result:

i gave it to her when she got here and she wore it while she was here and it made me so happy. ok edit over

—————

ok so we kept being like couple-y but not officially in a relationship bc we didnt want to make her anxiety worse. also at one point she was like “so about the ‘i love you more than the moon/ocean’ thing, since we BOTH love BOTH of the moon AND the ocean, i think its only Fair if we update our love declarations to ‘i love you more than the mocean’ bc its mix of both but thats not a word, buT its pronounced exactly like ‘motion’. therefore we should both start saying ‘i love you more than the motion’”. so now we have both the wonderful, romantic, original version, and the NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL DO U HEAR ME C??? version :) and after this day she always started with the WORST!!!!!! version, and i always started with the Only Valid Version, but we’d still answer each other’s ofc because. well. thats love i gues?? it sorta goes like this though: her: i love you more than the motion / me: i hate u / me: i literally hate u so much / me: i Also love you more than the motion

but anyways she was coming to visit me but the plane ticket wasnt for my home country it was for where i was going to university at (a new university, i was starting over) and when i first got here on this campus, i didnt have a working phone number for this country, and i wouldnt be able to access the wifi for 3 days, so i had no way of talking to her. it was TERRIBLE and i missed her more than anything in my LIFE but when i got wifi (after CRYING to the people here bc theyre the most unorganized uni ever and i was already very overwhelmed and stressed) i immediately called her and she’d sent me over 100 text messages dkfjssjks it was amazing, there were two (2) videos of her singing (which is like. objectively the best thing in the world, and the song was rlly romantic and i love it sm when she showed it to me for the first time she said it made her think abt me), a poem, AND a HUGE text with “i love you” written like. a THOUSAND TIMES. seriously i have a gif of it opening and scrolling bc it was so long that the text wouldnt show up directly on the chat screen and u have to click on it to see the rest. i’d never felt more loved in my entire life by anyone ever. anyways so then it came the day for her to get here and i had to wake up at 5 am to go get her at the airport and the uber was like $40 but who CARES it was the best day of my LIFE and i got there 20 minutes earlier bUT GUESS WHAT SO DID SHE (hashtag just soulmate things) then we facetimed the entire time while she was walking through the airport and getting her luggage and then she hung up to walk to the door where i was and we hugged for like 5 minutes and we were totally in people’s way and also almost fell but it was the best thing in the world and i never should’ve let her go. but, we had to go home, so i did. and we spent 4 days together and im not gonna go into details bc this is already too long but u can always send me another ask about her visit if ur not a coward. also i bought her a hoodie from my uni and whenever she wears it i just. die. in short, those days were the happiest i’ve ever been. this campus res had never felt like home before that friday and it hasnt again since that monday, but i swear to god, during those 4 days, this was the only place i could possibly belong.

anyways then she left and i cried for the entire uber ride home and then i cried all day. lmao. also when she was here she gave me the poetry book, the magnet, and the bracelet. still wear the bracelet every single day and i love it more than anything. but then personal stuff happened and we kinda stopped being couple-y again and we’re just friends now but before new years i asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and she said she’d tell me if it changed so ✌️✌️ im assuming it hasnt. even tho my brain is a bitch and everyday its like. today. today is the day. this is when its gonna happen. buT yknow we’ve spent months before without even talking to each other and we got through that still in love, so i mostly ignore it. and tbh i know that actually like, even if we grow apart now (god forbid, but still) we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. like, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: nothing, not even the universe itself, can convince me that shes not my soulmate. and even if it turns out i’m not hers, loving her is still the greatest honor i can think of.

another edit: also i started drawing recently and the first person i’ve ever finished drawing was her and also (surprise surprise @c since you’re already seeing all my feelings anyway) bc of my second drawing i almost missed the deadline for one of my midterms (which was a take-home test) bc instead of writing it i spent the entire day before the deadline finishing the drawing which was a secret valentines day gift (secret as in she didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, she thought it was just a drawing inspired by a quote that she loves) and i finished at 2 am but shes 3 hours behind so for her it was still 11 pm which MEANS it was still valentines day so it still counts, i win, lesbian rights!

[cleverbroadwayurl]

It Only Takes a Taste (Jeremy Heere x Reader Pt. 22)

Song: It Only Takes a Taste from Waitress 

Word Count: 6316 

Need to Catch Up? The links are weird on this site! Check my masterlist! 

A/N: Oh my god I’m not sure how I did it, but I promised it and here it is! I know that there’s been a lack of content lately, and I’m trying to fix that while making a living for myself and wow it’s getting to be a lot! But I will keep working at it and trying because I know when writing gets posted, others are more inclined to create as well! So here’s part 22!! Credit to: MJ!! 

Taglist: @retrogarden @be-more-heidi-hansen @scarsonthecuffsofyourjeans @bluhimaweirdo @catatonic-kuragin @stargirl-murphy @dee-writes-fics @macbookpro-hard-drive (I thought I’d tag u bc this fic was literally like your idea) 

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of an abusive ex-boyfriend, mentions of intimacy. mentions of fear of intimacy, implied trauma, mentions of trauma, self-depreciation, mentions of the SQUIP, mentions of The Play, mentions of previous fic parts, IF I MISSED ANYTHING PLEASE LET ME KNOW

Jeremy nods, and stutters out a quick “okay” before you practically vanish before his eyes. Everything and everyone around him was almost static, as if you hadn’t been there at all. But the tingly feeling in Jeremy’s heart and hands said different. It was something different within him. It was the first time he’d left and had some kind of security when thinking about you. Everything almost worked out, was almost perfect, and it was like….god he didn’t even know. You trusted him. You were okay. And in a solid night, he had gotten everything he’d wished so hard for—and he wouldn’t trade that for the entire world.

The Heere household hadn’t been so clean in years. Jeremy’s mom was the last person to really get it sparkling, until this very second, in which Jeremy was counting plates, blankets, amount of food, sodas, waters, amongst other things that had been perfectly laid about for an arrival that had been planned days in advance. Of course, you’d seen the Heere household in its usual somewhat cluttered glory before, but this was different, this was new, this was planned.

But it wasn’t a date…or was it? Jeremy stood for a second and stared at an old painting that had been there as long as he could remember. Was this a date? It was a planned interaction between the two of you, you coming over in what, 20 minutes or so? And yet, there was that same lingering feeling in the air, like you were still off limits like this was just the typical friend thing that he and Michael did. You were just coming over to play games…but then again, that could be counted as a date. He’d heard of other people doing that, but he also heard that there was sometimes no romance to it. Of course, he had Google searched it because his gut was just as unsure as to the logic. He knew that you wanted to be there. You’d texted him first, he brought up the idea of game night, you liked it, said you’d come over in a few days, now minutes, and he was still confused about the entire event. But, instead of pushing romance onto you, Jeremy made a definitive decision that this was a friend date. Yeah, just a friend thing. The last thing Jeremy would ever want to do was make you feel pressured into something you weren’t ready for. He assumed you’d seen that so many times before, and he wanted to be a source of comfort, a source of happiness. He just wanted to make you safe.

The ring of the doorbell catches him off guard, and he runs to answer it, the small window not being completely transparent to display who was really out there. He really hoped it was you and not a religious group asking if he had thought about Christianity that day. With a flick of the lock, and a twist of his wrist, the door was opened, and there you stood, almost basking in the light radiating from the house.

You’d mentioned you would be wearing something comfortable because it wasn’t worth it to play games in jeans—Jeremy agreed, of course, meaning he was in his own sweatpants and t-shirt—but even though you stood in pretty much the same attire, Jeremy couldn’t help but feel underdressed. For the first time ever, you stood on Jeremy’s doorstep, a genuine smile on your face, shoulders tall, and no fear emitted from you. It was the first time Jeremy had seen you healthy in front of him, your cheeks a normal color and your eyes as bright as Jeremy could ever only imagine them. Seeing them in real life felt like a fantasy of some kind. Nervousness creeps its way into your features and Jeremy suddenly realizes he’s been staring at you for like two minutes straight, oh my god, he has to say something otherwise it’ll get more awkward.

But why were you nervous? You should not be the one who’s nervous. You were a good person, even though Jeremy had seen the slander that had happened against you on social media less than recently. But you knew Jeremy, and Jeremy knew you. Meaning all of that stuff that was said Jeremy knew was only conjecture. He knew that it was lies and attempts to get people onto your ex-boyfriend’s side. Some believed him, Jeremy was sure, but your reputation only got stronger with Jeremy. He saw it as you being so successful while the things you left behind put up a fight before dying. It was a triumph. Your nerves became more and more apparent, and Jeremy began to mirror that, his own hands beginning to sweat because oh my god he definitely didn’t say anything like he was supposed to.

“Sorry I’m late, I had to change after work, and they kept me late so uhh…” you began hands fidgeting with the edge of your sweatshirt. Your eyes darted downwards, and Jeremy resented himself for making you revert to old habits.

“Oh! It’s fine, actually, uhh the food was uhh late and it’s totally okay,” Jeremy rushed out.

You giggle at him as he opens the door and lets you inside. He knows you’ve seen his house before, but you still stop to take it all in. It’s different. It’s new for both of you, but good. There’s something in the air as Jeremy stares; your eyes following the structure of his living room before they finally land back on him. He blushes and turns his eyes towards the ground, cheeks and ears getting hot. Jeremy can feel every little droplet of sweat…god it feels like he’s going through middle school again, a smile on your adorable face as he does so. He fidgets with the hem of his shirt before he asks if you just want to head down into the basement. You smile and nod, heading towards the door and down the stairs as Jeremy grabs a pizza and some water. Jeremy can feel the smile on his face grow as he carefully steps down the stairs and into the already-lit basement.

Jeremy sets the pizza down in front of the TV and beanbags, far enough away where both of you have leg room, but not so far that the pizza is unreachable. You sit on one end of the room, while Jeremy sits on the other; beanbags having so much space between them, Michael could probably take a nap in the space. But it feels right. For some reason, space seems to be a requirement before continuing with the night. There’s no pressure to touch, there’s no pressure of accidents, and for some reason, it feels like a decision that needed to be made, and was, mutually.

Eyeing up his own game collection, Jeremy turns to you, realizing that you’d been watching him, almost as he’d been watching you. “What did you want to start with?”

“It’s up to you” comes your response, corners of your mouth turning upwards. Jeremy can feel his heart beating faster at that, along with the fact that you were admiring—no—observing him from a distance. Your eyes glistened in the dimmed lights, almost brighter than any afternoon summer sun. He hadn’t seen that ever, even when he’d first started noticing you. It had always been slightly dimmer. But this? This freedom, this happiness? Was something Jeremy was so glad he had the opportunity to witness in his—friend.

It’s only now that Jeremy realizes that you had just cast the decision of what to do onto him. His mind raced with options, none of them being worthy of your time, especially since you hadn’t shown a preference and you were the guest, so this would be a tough choice. He wanted something fair, something that both of you could get into, even if that meant he would have to sacrifice winning. Maybe winning wasn’t important with you around. Jeremy decided that as long as you two were comfortable and having fun, anything would be fine. That’s probably why you put the decision onto his shoulders. Jeremy could recall you mentioning something about Mario Kart before, and he thought that was a safe choice, even though he wasn’t the best at it, to say the least. Michael would drag that into a melodrama about just how terrible Jeremy was at Mario Kart, but it was something that was current common ground between you and the nervous boy. He moves slowly, almost like the rules that had been distinguished in that basement so many months ago were still significant. He finds the cartridge and puts it into his switch before turning on the system. He takes a glance backward, almost checking to see if everything is okay with you, and he watches as you observe the screen, biting your lip as you do so. It isn’t a soft biting of the lip, it’s almost like you’re nervous, like that’s a way to take the stress out of the situation. Maybe the rules were still significant. You two were alone in the house, basement door closed with heavy and steep stairs leading to an exit. Maybe that was scary. Maybe that was nerve-wracking.

But instead of dwelling on trying to decide what would ease you, it was almost like he knew that actions would soothe that more than anything. He grabs the attachments for the joycons, allowing both of you to play instead of just one player. He held out them in front of you, blue and red controllers both set up for playing. The title music played softly as he wordlessly smiled and gestured to pick whichever one you wanted. And that was a true no preference choice he’d laid out in front of you. Left or right, red or blue, Jeremy didn’t care as long as you were comfortable. The weight of the choice brings your face down, the glisten in your eyes dims, and your hand gently grabs the red one as Jeremy’s other hand grasps the blue one. Your expression doesn’t change as you gingerly hold the joycon and get your hands in place for playing. Your nerves hit Jeremy hard, but he was glad you managed to choose the one controller you wanted.

Jeremy had ended up with the blue one, the left-handed one, but he didn’t mind. You were sitting, observing the controller before he hit start. And finally, things started to ease within the room.

With a few quick button presses, the multiplayer menu is displayed, more choices set in front of both of you. He looks at you again, seeing which one looks like the best option. But your eyes are almost stuck on the cursor on the screen. It’s almost like you’re scared of what is going to be picked. He brushes the thought aside and gives you a choice once again. His own preferences for what he wants to do are out of the door. Even as just friends, Jeremy’s priority is providing a comfortable place to just relax for a second. That’s how he and Michael had managed to become friends without filters. Michael wanted to battle in Mario Kart?? He’d say it, loudly, and usually compromising with later rounds. Jeremy was able to do the same, friendly arguments are healthy. They make sense. You’re allowed to disagree with the people around you. But then again, maybe you weren’t scared of the choice, but rather really wanted to do a particular type. Just to be sure, he somehow verbalized his concerns: “Is there a type you wanted to do? Grand Prix? Just races? Or Battle?”

“Any of them is fine with me,” your smile almost seems forced, like something is keeping you on edge. The very last thing Jeremy wants to do is make you uncomfortable, but this seems like it’s something bigger than him.

“Okay. I know I’m still working through 100cc, so did you just want to help me out with that?” Jeremy asks, hands becoming sweatier as he asks.

“Sure!” You smile at him again, more genuinely this time. He can see the ease drip into your posture, You bat your eyes towards the ground, before gripping your controller.

He selects Grand Prix before looking to you once again as your eyes concentrate on each cup like they were an intensely written sensation novel instead of just simple “Fun English” chosen by game writers. “Is there a cup you like that I haven’t completed?”

“Uhh kinda weird and retro, but Shell cup,” you say, eyeing up the courses, light coming back in as you do so.

“Shell cup it is.”

As the cup begins, your smile gets wide and you ease into the bean bag a little further. Your hands grip the controller as you get ready to race. It doesn’t even take a look for Jeremy to realize that you’ve relaxed, and he does the same. It’s a friendly game, both of you not worried about winning or losing in the present moment, just having some fun as friends. As the course is showcased on the screen, you two share a smile, followed by a chuckle, and the race beginning.

“I love Moo Moo Meadows,” you blurt out, red grazing your cheeks, like it was a fact that was embarrassing.

“Oh no way, me too!”

And that was the truth. He almost always saved Shell Cup for the last because of Moo Moo Meadows. One lap goes by, and then another. It feels too fast, like the Game Theory episode suggests. Racers, according to the episode, go anywhere from 120-200 miles per hour, just like Jeremy’s heart at this moment. He glances at your face as you steal the lead, your concentration just as heartwarmingly adorable as it had been in senior government. But this had more heart, more passion, it felt like something more beautiful and purely stemmed from something good rather than a dumb group activity. He notices your body tilted with the kart as your character on screen turns and drifts, the sparks around the tires turning from orange to blue. Your thumb flicks and the kart straightens out, giving yourself such a lead that Jeremy swears he’s never witnessed, even when playing with Michael.

His eyes turn back to the screen, and he’s doing somewhat well. Except not really, since his character is in 10th and bound to hit a wall at some point. You’re onto lap 3, and Jeremy is a little over halfway through with lap 2, but it doesn’t matter. He’s just happy that you’re having fun and helping him get that cool trophy, even though for his favorite track, he was doing rather terribly. He glances again at your screen, and you’re still in first with an even better lead, and he’s sure that not even a blue shell could make you place second. Jeremy makes a note to not look at your screen anymore, that it’s causing him to lose places every time he does it. He speeds up, and finally finishes 4th, which isn’t too bad for his favorite track and for messing up so badly halfway through.

The cup flies by faster than Moo Moo Meadows ever did, but Jeremy’s heart kept the pace. The scores are predictable, you did mention that you were rather good at Mario Kart. You’re in first while Jeremy’s keeping fifth. But for the first time ever, he doesn’t care. Frustration doesn’t come with fifth, it’s rather warmth and grace. There isn’t taunting like there usually is with Michael, instead, he gets you stating “keeping a place like fifth is so difficult, I’m impressed. First is easy once you get there.”

As soon as the cup finishes and the final scores are displayed, you earning a three-star ranking, a sticker, and a perfect first, Jeremy still keeps his average at fifth. He usually gets fifth or sixth. First or fourth, maybe, on a good day. But instead of saying something sweet or even a “good game”, your face pales, eyes stuck once again on the screen. Your elbows are practically digging into your body, hands gripping the controller so hard that he can practically see your knuckles turning blue. There was something so familiar about this behavior, the way your shoulders shot up in discomfort, the way your razor sharp focus was unforgiving and isolating, and the way you held everything you had.

“Wow,” Jeremy said, breaking the silence, and hopefully the tension that kept itself locked in your body, “you’re really good at Mario Kart.” You just nodded in response, nothing else moving but the slight movement.

Jeremy’s mind raced faster than it had in a long time. Did he do something wrong? What happened? In that short amount of time, his mind tried to recall every little thing he’d said, every movement, every detail that had been placed in front of him, no matter how small. Did he accidentally move closer to you? Did you catch him staring like a creep? He didn’t remember accidentally bumping into you or touching you without consent in any way, shape, or form, besides maybe brushing hands when you’d grabbed the controller from his hand. But that was before the Moo Moo Meadows conversation when you’d seemed to relax so much. And if he had accidentally brushed you or something, he’d immediately apologize for that. He couldn’t remember anything that had happened over the course of the four races. But then again, your perceptions were different than his. His mind might forget something but yours might keep it locked away forever. And leaving it silent was worse than just asking, apologizing, and getting it resolved, rather than keeping it in the open air, where it could really hurt you.

“I’m sorry if I uhh, made you uncomfortable or anything.” Your eyes met his and he swore they pierced his soul. “That wasn’t my intention, if I did.”

“What?” you asked, confusion now flooding into your face. After a breath, you started again: “Jeremy, you didn’t make me uncomfortable. I just uhh, I guess I like forgot something while we were playing. Just remembered it now. That’s all.”

“Oh.” Jeremy paused, unsure of what you were referencing. He was near positive it wasn’t a good memory. Something told him to speak up again, just to say something to fill the silence that surrounded the room. “Is there anything I can—”

“N-No, it’s fine. Do you want to race again, or maybe do something else? It’s up to you,” your eyes lost his and refocused on something else.

It was now that Jeremy realized that you didn’t move. You hadn’t moved. Usually, there was some shifting for comfort while playing a game and relaxing. But it had been several minutes, and there was no movement from you. It was like your body was a statue, rusted to the bean bag, unable to be moved. Something was very wrong. But if you didn’t want to discuss it right now, or frankly, ever, that was okay. And Jeremy accepted that.

He decided that maybe Mario Kart wasn’t the best idea, especially since he was so bad at it. And if him losing every race seem to only make the tension in the room swell, maybe it was good to just let the game go and choose something else; for both of your sakes. Of course, when it came to picking games that were fair for both of you, meaning probably no first-person shooters from middle school or anything, he decided to choose the great equalizer of all party games. Although it was a bad idea to pull it out, Jeremy thought that the best thing to do was switch over to a less popular part of one of the Nintendo franchises: Mario Party.

Of course, Friendship Ruiner 8000, as Michael liked to call it, included motion controls, which Jeremy was again, not good at. But he figured their janky-ness would even out the skill sets and make it more of a fair fight, even though Jeremy was sure he would be too caught up in you to actually play the game to his best ability. But trying was worth it. You were worth it.

“Do you want to maybe play Mario Party 8? It’s the only Mario Party I have, but I figure that the motion controls are so bad, it would be fun to just kinda laugh at,” Jeremy asked, his eyes flicking towards you. He was telling the truth about the motion controls. Yes, sometimes the controllers stop registering movement. It’s just frustrating for games like Skyward Sword but infinitely funny for games like Mario Party 8 or Wii Sports.

At last, your entire body shifted, like your soul was coming back into view, like everything had just been worked out, no strings attached. “Jeremy,” you started, a smile forming on your lips, “you trust me enough to be friends with me at the end of a Mario Party game?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow,” you stopped for a second before a full smile broke out on your face, even though discomfort still seemed to be at the forefront. A red crept into your face as you continued with your thought: “you must really think I’m a good person or something.”

“Well yeah,” Jeremy blushed in return before he rushed to change the game and console.

“Now it’s been a little bit since I’ve played Mario Party 8, so I’m warning you now, 2v2 games are going to be rough with me,” you said, hands pulling your sleeves down a little bit.

“That’s fine,” he reassured, “motion controls are weird anyway.”

You gave a chuckle as you continued sitting, getting more comfortable within the bean bag chair. “True.”

The game quickly started and both of you were met with less than ideal graphics—when did the Wii get such a pixelated screen?—and the odd mascot appeared before the two of you. His weird laugh came through the speakers, and more choices appeared on every screen. But suddenly, choices became easy. The type was of course 4 player, two being you, two being computers, 15 turns—to make it interesting, and any course except the city one that’s somehow a ripped off version of Monopoly. Finally, the character selection screen appeared, and Jeremy waited for you to pick your favorite original Mario character, just so he wouldn’t take something that would be claimed as rightfully yours, for the game, at least. Once you were done selecting, Jeremy picked his favorite franchise character, one that is overlooked by many people, specifically men. Jeremy Heere chose Princess Peach.

“Peach?” you asked, eyeing him.

Jeremy’s skin went aflame, he could feel the familiar tingling from his toes to his ears. His mind raced for justification, a quick answer, a solution, for why he chose Princess Peach. But you surprisingly beat him to it.

“She’s cool, Jeremy, I’m just surprised. Maybe I should’ve picked Mario or something.”

At the small comment and remark of romantic tension that was still lingering in the room, Jeremy turned every little bit redder and he swore that his heart skipped a beat. Was that you…flirting? With him? Jeremy had never seen that before, especially from you, and especially since you’d been strictly off-limits for so long. Maybe it was playful. It was a joke. It was something that he shouldn’t dwell on. You probably weren’t dwelling on it.

Somehow, the next few decisions happen, and Jeremy is able to form coherent enough sentences to vouch for the computers to be on Hard Mode, just to even the playing field between skill levels.

The game starts immediately, both computers pulling ahead and already placing traps on spaces that are supposed to be +3 coins. Both computers get an added 3 coins, for landing on the space, and both you and Jeremy make fun of the randomized way that both AI are playing the game.

The beginning of the game quickly switches to halfway through, and by now you’ve moved closer to Jeremy, bumping each other periodically, so far behind the computers it’s almost laughable. Each minigame is spent in a fit of laughter as both of you are clearly doing what the instructions are telling you to do, but the motion controls aren’t picking it up. It’s sweet, fun, and most importantly, relaxed. The now somewhat-cold-pizza is starting to be eaten, neither of you cares about how it tastes, but rather, what the moment means.

When the game finishes, Jeremy maintains a steady third, with you in second thanks to the bonus stars that are given out after the game is finished. Although both of you felt that you really didn’t do anything special, it was almost like the game took pity on you, and chose to give both of the actual players some bonus stars.

But between the two of you, the places don’t matter. It was fun to just play an interesting game with one another, despite the casual reputation it has among other groups. Each turn out of the 15 was exciting, fun, and laughable, considering how bad you two were doing. Instead of being put against each other, the two of you had an alliance; a method of teambuilding that couldn’t be fabricated by anyone. This was something special, and there was almost a bond formed that game, something that wouldn’t be easily forgotten or erased. And the room now had comfort practically written on the walls. Of course, it was a comfort with each other. The physical, more touchy, comfort wasn’t present in the room. There was still space between you two, and something still felt right about that. Maybe it was Jeremy’s mind consistently telling him to lay off on certain kinds of affection, especially since you two probably weren’t dating, and to keep his space.

The pizza was nearly gone, a final slice just sitting in the box, neither one wanting to touch it. The excitement of the game before had exited, and leaving in its place easy silence and exhaustion. It was late, and while Jeremy definitely wanted you to stay at his house for as long as you could, it was your choice to leave. He might be bummed out for a few seconds, but then would be honestly grateful for the time he got to spend with you, which was worth much more than feeling sorry for himself in his basement like usual. So he decided to leave an ambiguous question out of the equation of the night and instead decided on suggesting to watch a movie. It wouldn’t take much effort, and leaving halfway through would never be a crime, especially since Jeremy was not the person who wanted to take away that freedom. “Hey, do you maybe want to watch a movie? If you have to go, that’s fine too, but I thought I’d ask, like, just in case you didn’t or something.”

“Sure, Jeremy. That sounds nice after Toad totally kicking our asses.”

Jeremy let out a small chuckle before he flipped off the Wii and changed to the PS4. After cycling through the apps on the menu, he found Netflix and booted it up, the classic Netflix noise making its way into the basement. You sat back on the beanbag as the noise rang out, taking a more relaxed posture than you had the entire night. Although you seemed to be a little more at peace, Jeremy’s mind kept crawling back to the same thought: what even was tonight? The Mario and Peach comment made it seem like a date, but you two had never dated or established dating before, and the beginning of the night seemed only friendly. But now it felt so…date like. And of course, it wouldn’t be any date, no, this was the first date. First dates were uncomfortable, awkward, and kind of hard to swallow. They made even the most confident people cringe. They almost take the appearance of an interview for the rest of the relationship. And Jeremy didn’t want that. He’d rather keep the feeling in the room going and choosing something that wouldn’t make either of you uncomfortable. So he had to narrow his search: nothing with a sex scene or domestic violence of any kind. It would be too hard on you, he assumed, and it would crush him to make you upset on your possibly first date.

“First date?” you inquired, eyes scanning him.

Jeremy jumps up and nearly throws the controller, not realizing that his thoughts had been muttered aloud to the person sitting next to him. “Y-Yeah, because I thought well, the Mario and Peach comment, and I—”

“Jeremy,” you chuckle, smile breaking through and remaining. You finally make eye contact with him and Jeremy can feel the fear creeping up into his features. Wrong move, dumbass. “This isn’t our first date—” shit shit SHIT “—It’s like our fourth.”

For a second the world stops turning and Jeremy can feel his brain reeling back. How the heck was this a fourth date? Those other times he’d spent with you weren’t dates, were they? What counted, what didn’t count, what was in between? How did he miss something as big as this??? He didn’t really want to imply romance, even back in the moments, but this still felt like—

“Our first date I think I count as the time I came over here, even though that was a pretty bad circumstance. Our second was making breakfast, which again, bad circumstance, but still kind of a date. Our third was like four days ago, which, dancing together seems pretty romantically inclined, you know?”

Jeremy can only nod. He does know. He just didn’t think you had wanted—and still wanted—to date him. He’s been overthinking every interaction for over a year, each moment, each sleight of hand, everything that had happened before this very second. But for some reason, you explaining it like this, everything felt like it locked into place. The pieces are there, he just needed reassurance to fit them together.

“Therefore, fourth date,” you gesture around you, and Jeremy suddenly realizes that this was a date. The games, the lighting, the way you made jokes, the discomfort that had now morphed into comfortable bliss, it all felt like a date to him, and he had just wanted to respect your space.

“If that’s okay with you, of course,” you mentioned, hands quickly playing with your sleeves again, eyes darting downwards as if you’d done something wrong and made a terrible mistake. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, and I wasn’t going to if you weren’t thinking it but like you just said—”

“No, I agree with you. Completely. I’m just surprised I didn’t like…come up with it sooner.”

A small smile reappears on your face. “You’re valid, Jeremy.”

Instead of a movie, both of you settle on a light TV show, not really getting into the plot, but rather just relaxing in the dim light of the basement. With no one around, it feels like a lost peace that was recently found, like it was a treasure that couldn’t be seen by anyone else. The first episode ends quickly, another one just starting to play as the silence continues. There’s no awkwardness, no commitment, no extra things to be wary about and nothing that needed to be said. For that first episode or so, things felt like they were supposed to feel. Warm, simple, easy.

A thought occurred to Jeremy as the silence continued: he should be closer to you. This is a date, right? Did you want to hold hands or something? Did you want to be closer, and just didn’t know how to request things? Should he just go for it? No. A quick glance at you told him no. Your eyes were on the screen, captured by the show. Your eyes didn’t even match his for a second, meaning you were comfortable where you were and didn’t want, or frankly need, anything extra. Jeremy just being there was enough. His eyes refocused back onto the screen, getting into the show once more before your voice broke the silence between you two, and the quiet murmur of the show.

“Can I talk to you about something?” you ask, hands still fidgeting as you face him.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Because like, we’ve established this like relationship thing, I just…I wasn’t open in my last relationship, which was my fault and a major mistake.”

Jeremy held his breath but didn’t say anything. How could he? He didn’t know about what happened behind closed doors, wasn’t sure about the things that were said to you. In his mind, you didn’t get the chance to express your feelings or be open. You didn’t have the opportunity to have a good relationship, except maybe in the first little bit. But what did he know besides what you told him? How could even attempt to argue with you on something he legitimately knew nothing about? He wasn’t. At last, Jeremy nods, almost asking you to continue your thought.

“I, uhh, god where do I even start with this?” you breathe deeply before continuing, the breath shaky and uneven. “Jeremy, I can’t…do things yet. I can’t—I’m not—Fuck—I am so—” you took another breath—“I can’t be normal. I just…I can’t like…I have a really hard time with intimacy and romance and I just…I can’t even do simple things like hold your hand—not that you’re gross oh my god I’m so sorry that’s how it sounded—but like…my brain and body won’t let me do that for some reason. I don’t know what’s wrong, I’m so sorry, but I just…can’t be normal. I can’t fall asleep around you, I can’t hold your hand, I can’t be a good partner yet. I know you probably want to do that, and I just wanted to bring it up so you aren’t hurt or confused or something because I can’t do it. I just…I have baggage, Jeremy.”

Jeremy can hear tears starting to form, your voice thick. He knows what it means. He knows that you’re hurt, you’ve been hurt, and he knows that what your “not normal” is probably self-blame and trauma from what he could only catch glimpses of before. And while you’re here saying it’s your fault, Jeremy recognizes that it’s not yours, it could never be, but a particular someone’s, who should remain nameless.

“I know we’ve kissed before, but if we could just…hold off on that please for a little while, that would uhh, be great. And it’s a dumb thing to ask, and I’m sorry I have to ask it, and I know it’s a dumb me-thing, and—”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jeremy turned towards you and paused the show as you take in a large breath and prepare for what he’s going to say. But he knows that this is something that’s hard to put into words, hard to handle. He knows this feeling, and he knows what should come after it. “It’s okay. We can wait. We can wait on everything for as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable. I understand that it’s hard, I mean, after the play junior year, I kind of had similar boundaries. But I dated someone who gave me patience. I’ve been forever grateful for that, so I want to do the same for you. You deserve that patience and to be comfortable in your own skin.”

“I—” you started, mouth open, eyes frantically blinking, “Thank you. I mean…wow, I really just…wasn’t expecting that at all.”

“You’re welcome.” Jeremy smiles and lets you have some time to take care of yourself, to calm down and really come back to reality a little bit. He offers his hand out if you want to grab it, but if not, he’s not hurt by it. He knows that sometimes you need physical space as well as emotional space, and wouldn’t be offended if you chose not to grab it.

“Can I ask you something weird?” the question drops into the room harder than a weight being dropped.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Can we like…can we just like function on consent for a little bit? Like we ask before just…touching, even if it’s something small, and can we uhh ask for consent for like kissing and stuff? It’s a weird and tiring request, I know, but…”

“Of course we can.”

“Thank you.”

Jeremy shakes his head before continuing the conversation. “You don’t need to thank me, they’re your boundaries and I want to respect them.”

A tear rolls down your cheek, and Jeremy’s eyes catch it, but doesn’t move to wipe it away. That would be cruel after what he’d just been told, and it feels like every night before is flooding back to him. Touching you before required consent. This was the same thing, the same circumstances, the same hurt. It was different, though. This was him having this conversation with you, this was the fear that he’d break them like they’d been thousands of times before. This was to prevent extra breakdowns that didn’t need to happen and to keep you safe, as much as he wanted to do that while you were in his arms. He’d rather not imprison you during the relationship. He’d rather let you roam free as the birds flying above.

“You have no idea what that means to me,” is finally whimpered out.

Neither of you touch one another, and Jeremy’s hand is discarded. You two finish another two episodes before you gather up your stuff and head up the stairs. Upon request, Jeremy doesn’t touch you. He doesn’t try. He doesn’t ask for consent, because something told him to let you have your space tonight: over text, spatially, over social media, and in any other capacity. You thank him for the night, with promises to text him the next morning, before leaving and heading out to the car that Jeremy’s dad knew too well. No kisses, no touching, but confusion about the Mario Kart incident before still unsolved. But that was another boundary he wanted you to have space on.

You had been wronged before, you’d been confused, cheated out of a life that was set for you that was supposed to be happy. Your ex-boyfriend had done wrong. Jeremy wanted to do it right.

[tenacityblitz]

all the numbers u haven't done

roleplaying habits questions.

1. what’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

Offhand I can’t really think of anything?? English is my first language so I don’t knowingly break any grammar rules anyway. Unless possible excessive use of commas counts bc I use commas a lot.

2. are there any languages besides english in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

Unless Gibberish counts bc I learned that stupid crack language back when I was a kid but good lord I would not have the patience to actually type out a reply like that. 

3. how often do you reach for a synonym dictionary when writing? how about mentally?

Sometimes but not too frequently. Depends on how flowery I’m trying to write something or if I’m thinking of a word but I don’t like the first descriptive word that came to mind for what I’m trying to express.

4. how often do you need to translate your own or the other’s writing with a dictionary or google when writing and reading replies?

Never tbh. Especially since I don’t RP in any other languages, all my RP partners have a good enough grasp on English that I can always tell what they were at least trying to say in their reply.

5. do you listen to music while your write?

I used to need music playing in the background to help me focus on doing drafts, but nowadays I need more silence than anything to help focus and produce what I think is a quality response to a longer thread. Short one or two liner things idc what’s in the background. 

6. do you have ideal writing circumstances when you can do a lot of drafts or tackle really long ones very easily?

I can fluctuate with when I best write. Typically I write better at night when the house is quiet and any noise happening in the house is a noise I make, but I’ve had writing inspiration hit me at any time of the day before.

7. are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

Bold of you to assume I’m awake during morning hours that don’t include 5 AM bc I’m still awake haha. When I’m not swamped with commissions to do I typically write better during the day or at night when I’m the only person awake in the house and I don’t have any outside distractions from a person IRL.

8. how does tiredness affect your writing?

Not overly so sometimes, I know there’ve been times in the past where I powered through replies even though I wanted to go to bed just because I was riding the motivation train and I didn’t want to lose it and not get to those last replies for who knows how long. But on Discord at least I often have reply to Discord threads be one of the last things I do before I go to sleep so I go to bed knowing I don’t owe anyone a reply on there.

9. have you ever written a serious reply intoxicated?

Not a serious reply anyway. I’ve been on the dashboard before while intoxicated (ColossalCon East was a prime example haha) but I’ve never really RP’d while that intoxicated

10. how much do you proof-read as you are writing vs. proof-read at the end?

I’ll proof read as I go but also give it one last read before I actually hit publish.

11. when you are writing a reply, how much ahead in the thread do you plan?

Entirely depends on the thread. I could write it on the fly or I could have days to think about it from external factors keeping me from getting to the reply as soon as it comes back to me.

12. is there ever been a time when you’ve had to drop a roleplaying partner because you’ve found their writing style exhausting?

Yes actually, gather round for RP horror storytime haha. Flash back to 2013 while I was still in the Black Butler fandom. I stupidly decided to give writing Sebastian a try at the request of a Ciel I’d made friends with (probably through my old Alois or Lizzie blog). She was a nice enough girl, close enough to my age so she seemed plenty mature, and had been what I thought was a good enough writer to warrant trying my hand at a muse I wouldn’t have otherwise thought to try. Legit within days of me making the Sebastian blog she was getting super clingy in her IC posts making Ciel a whiny baby missing Sebastian, would try and guilt me in IC posts to get on and write with her, and I dealt with it for about two weeks before I deleted Sebastian’s blog without warning and deleted the girl off Skype. To this day it’s the only blog I think I’ve ever consciously deleted.

13. does writing roleplay things in public spaces make you uncomfortable?

Not really? I wouldn’t be crazy about a stranger reading over my shoulder while I was writing bc that’s just weird, but I’ve gone to Starbucks or one of the local malls before on my off days (back when I was still at my last job) and I’d do RP stuff there just to get out of the house.

14. how often do you need to change the icon in your reply while or after writing the reply?

Typically I don’t put in icons until I’m done writing the reply unless I go into the reply knowing exactly which one I want to use, or think of a good one while I’m writing it out.

15. do you first get in the “zone” when writing, or do you start writing and “enter” it that way?

Nowadays I just start writing and then get into the zone after I get the first reply done. Discord replies I can chug out any time of day without difficulty, but for whatever reason Tumblr I have to be in the right mindset for. 

16. what is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

Back when I was at my last job, it would be getting a lot of writing muse while I was busy at work and unable to get on my own laptop or sneak onto Tumblr on an office computer and at least type out the bulk of a reply (yes I was employee of the month many times haha), and by the time I was able to get to my own computer or be safe enough to get on a work computer, that writing muse would be gone.

17. what’s your inbox count currently? what did you do to get it so high/low?

Right now I have 15 IC asks. I won’t lie, two of them are from last years Valentine’s Day bc I was away at Katsucon at the time of receiving them and by the time I got home I still just never got around to answering the asks, but I didn’t want to delete them either so I just kept them for posterity. Some are from this past Christmas that I was terrible and haven’t answered yet bc I’ve been so swamped with commissions, some are from other random meme’s I’ve reblogged and gotten an ask or two for and also just never got around to. I’m horrible at replying to asks most of the time and I know it but I always appreciate whenever people take the time to send me an IC one.

18. how many drafts is a paralysing amount?

I’d guess I’d say over 15 like para thread replies would make me be like -insert meme song- ‘how could this happen to meeeee’. I’m not quite at that point yet but I’ll get there eventually if I’m not careful lol.

19. if you are writing a wrong reply that’s not working out, do you save what you have to be continued at another date, or do you scrap it and rewrite?

Usually I would just draft what I have and go back to it. I can’t remember the last time I scrapepd an unfinished draft and completely rewrote it.

20. longest reply you’ve ever writen on mobile?

N/A because I don’t do replies on mobile. I’ll send asks on mobile but I never reply to actual IC things while on my phone unless it’s something stupid and cracky or one-liner-ish.

21. does the total amount of threads you have going on matter to you, or just how many you owe?

Doesn’t really matter. I can have one thread with one person, I could have five threads with one person. @shinvcho is an example of the latter lol

22. what’s your thought process when you format? any unspoken rules you follow?

I’ve kept to the same formatting for years and years tbh. I’m too lazy to do excessive formatting beyond italicizing and/or bolding specific words for emphasis and spacing out the start of a new paragraph. Anything more than that to me is just tedious and unnecessary; I don’t want to make it difficult for my partners to read.

23. how does your follower count affect your mood?

Anyone who says they don’t appreciate or enjoy even a small spike in followers is a liar, because we live in an age where validation is held in high regard and it feels good to get the validation of seeing more people enjoy what we do on our blogs enough to put us on their dashboards. But it also doesn’t really matter to me when I lose followers because I have a mutual checker so I can unfollow a mutual back if they did so first so I don’t feel uncomfy still following someone who no longer wanted me on their dash lol.

[finnofamerica]

Hi i’m desperate for the A-Z fluff w my boy Blink

Okay, so I had to take notes, but I hope this is good. 

—-

A = affection (how affectionate are they in day to day life? Do they show affection publicly or keep that more in private?)

He’s not usually outwardly affectionate, but he loves cuddles when he’s had an absolute shit day. 

B = best memory (what is the best memory they have with you)

When you first met, you made a terrible awful pirate joke that he hated. But it just sounded so wonderful coming from you. It is tied with that one time that you told off a guy for making fun of his disability. 

C = cat or dog person (this is pretty obvious)

You found this one scrawny cat that was all mangled from fighting, he was scarred and missing an eye. He absolutely adores that cat. 

D = dreams (what do they want to do in life?)

He wants to raise money, with Crutchie, to spread awareness for people with disabilities. 

E = evenings (how do they spend their evening? So they go out? Do they read?)

He doesn’t like reading bc it gives him headaches, but he likes audiobooks or you reading to him. 

F = first date (what was it like?)

He was very careful in choosing his activity to do with you. So he took you to the carnival. 

G = giggle (what is their laugh like? What makes them laugh?)

His laugh is the sweetest thing ever. He laughs at bad puns. Like “Heyyy baby nice to see you.” 

H = hugs (do they like hugs? What kind of hugs do they give?)

He likes to hug you when he’s alone with you or when he’s seeing you for the first time of the day. 

I = instrument (do they play an instrument?)

He plays the harmonica like a boss. 

J = joy (what brings them joy in life?)

Just things that are kinda stupid, like Albert sleepwalking down the stairs and landing on his face. 

K = kisses (what kind of kisser are they? Shy? Passionate?)

His kisses are soft and sweet. He likes to hold you close to him. Sometimes he ends up ruining the moment with a stupid joke. 

L = love (how do they act when they have a crush)

He avoids you until you confront him for ignoring you and you have to demand why. He denies everything until you grab him and get him to look at you. You ask him what was wrong. Finally, he’d mumble out a response, but you wouldn’t be able to hear it. and when you asked what he finally looked at you all exasperated “I like you okay?!” 

M = memory (what’s their favorite memory?)

His eye patch (In modern times he wears special sunglasses) got destroyed and he was really torn up about it. So you got one special made for him as a surprise. You even painted a cute little bear on it bc it reminds you of him.

N = no (what is their pet peeve?)

Anyone who is not him or you messing with his eyepatch/ special sunglasses. 

O = occupation (what’s their dream job?)

Weird but I kinda see him as a barista? Like maybe he works in partnership with Henry’s Bakery. 

P = parent (what kind of parent would they be?)

He is so sweet to his kids, but he will 10/10 call out bullies. 

Q = questions (do they believe in the supernatural? Aliens? Anything along those lines)

He likes creepypastas. He might believe in a few of them.

R = romantic (are they romantic during the relationship?)

He’s not great at romance, but he does let you know through actions. 

S = smile (what makes them smile without fail)

When you take his hand and kiss it when he’s over thinking something. 

T = together (how clingy are they? How long do you two spend together per day on average)

He usually falls asleep while cuddling. You’re also the only person he feels comfortable enough not to wear his eyepatch/special glasses around you. He doesn’t mind you seeing his eye. 

U = unbearable (what habit do they have that’s unbearable? What habit do you have that they find unbearable)

Sometimes he forgets the light in the bathroom. 

V = videos (do they take lots of videos or photos during your relationship?)

He doesn’t like pictures or videos bc of his eyepatch. But you take pictures anyway and reassure him that you don’t care that his eye is fucked up. 

W = wedding (what was the wedding like?)

It was a small wedding. He stood so proudly at the altar and beamed at you as you walked down the aisle and during his vows he stopped in the middle he stopped, “This is almost perfect, one sec,” And he took off his eyepatch and continued. You melted. 

X = eXtra (what’s an interesting fact about them that they don’t tell anyone about?)

His eye got messed up in an accident involving a fire hydrant. 

Y = yuck (what do they hate? Could be a food, sent, word anything)

People asking to look at his eye. Especially when they say “Ew gross.” if he actually lets them see it. 

Z = zzzz (how heavy of a sleeper are they? How do they sleep? What mood do they wake up in? Really any sleeping headcanons)

He loves sleeping with his head on your chest or stomach. He also likes being held, but he’d never admit it. 

—-

tags: @kingofsantafe @anon-pancake @green-tea-anon

[dearskz]

i don’t like him pt. 1

Genre: school au, fuckboy au, angst, fluff + bullet points

Pairing: reader x changbin

Length: 1,458 words 

Warning: profanity

Description: How not to fall in love with your school’s #1 fuckboy.

Part 2 (masterlist)

okay hehe this is another new thing for me

so it might be crap SORRY!

but i wanted to write something spontaneously that i wouldn’t overthink bc I do that a lot

ANYWAYS onto the story :)

there was one thing that you hated more than calculus

fuckboys

and seo changbin was the ultimate fuckboy

he would flirt with anyone and anything

ngl, he was pretty good at it

not that you would admit it tho

bc WE ARE NOT falling down that hole

nonononono

but you kind of understood why everyone at your school fell into his trap???

he was quite articulate with his words

one of the top students of your year

the star of multiple sports teams

not to mention an amazing rapper and singer

and wow have you seen him?

fucking gorgeous

^another thing you would not admit to

no stop, stop thinking that, get a hold of yourself y/n!

i don’t like him

it’s not like you hate him tho

he was your childhood best friend growing up

you used to do everything together

you just hate what he’s become

which is why you decided to distance yourself from him

WHICH IS A TERRIBLE THING TO DO TO YOUR BEST FRIEND

AND YOU KNEW THAT

but, after hitting puberty LIKE A TRUCK, people started noticing him more

he became cocky, flirtatious

the sweet and adorable changbin you knew started to disappear

or so you thought

watching him slowly change from someone you loved to be with 24/7 into someone that you couldn’t stand makes it that much harder to be around him

“HEY Y/N!!!” your best friend chaeyoung scared you from behind

“holy shit chaeyoung, please save my eardrums, i don’t plan on needing a hearing aid until I’m a 70-year-old raisin. ”

“you’re so fucking dramatic. i’ve called you 10 times, why didn’t you pick up? daydreaming about what could’ve been with changbin again?”

“you’re going to regret saying that when you have to walk home in the rain today.”

“SORRY jeez. it’s just that whenever you zone out, you’re usually thinking about him. you even say his name in your sleep sometimes.”

you felt yourself blushing

there is no way i say his name in my sleep

“i don’t like him.”

“i didn’t say you did.”

you glared at her, “oh my gosh you’re so annoying, just tell me why you called me so many times.”

“there’s a rumour going around that changbin is taking finally taking someone to the formal this year!”

“and you wanted to tell me this beecaausee???...”

“becauseeee it sounds like he’s finally settling down! isn’t that great? maybe that means he’s gonna stop being a fuckboy.”

you rolled your eyes

“woohoo, should i give him an award?”

chaeyoung sighed in defeat

“okay, fine. i know you don’t care but i thought it would’ve been good news because you could possibly become friends again… the break is about to end, i’ll see you after school y/n. bye!”

“bye, see you!”

you began walking back to class

maybe chaeyoung was right

maybe he’s trying to change

i mean it would be nice to be friends again, i miss him so much

2:34 pm

it was your last class of the day, school ends in less than half an hour

you were trying to finish your homework so you could binge on vlive videos

(y’all know who u are, aka me)

it also happened to be the day before formal tickets went on sale

it was so hard to hear yourself think because your obnoxious seatmate was batting her eyelashes at changbin

“changbinnie~ are you excited for the formal? are you taking someone this year? who?? i still need a date you know….”

“that’s a secret, but hopefully it’s someone as pretty as you” he winked

wtf gross, can class end faster?

suddenly you got a text from student council

                      [2:40] woojin: emergency meeting in rm 214 right after school!

shit, i have to tell chaeyoung that I can’t drive her home today

                      [2:29] y/n: hey, sorry but an emergency council meeting came up!                       [2:29] my bae chae: np, i’ll catch a ride with dahyun! be careful tho, it’s raining rlly hard later today!!                       [2:30] y/n: dw i will! luhh u bish                       [2:30] my bae chae: luh u too biiishh

4:35 pm

the meeting took a long time bc yall needed some last minute DJ’s for the formal

long story short: it took a lot of phone calls

but don’t worry, it’s gucci now

after saying bye to your fellow council members, you began making your way to your car

it began pouring right before the meeting ended and you were hoping that it would die down soon

but it didn’t

just then you saw changbin waiting at the front entrance

ahh it’s monday, he usually walks home on mondays

wait why do i know that

you felt guilty

i guess i could offer him a ride??? he does live across the street…

“HEy chANgbIn!” just came out of your mouth

that was a fucking croak, i just sounded like a toad what is wrong with me

“oh hey y/n”

“..uh.. so... why are you still at school?”

“i was giving some basketball pointers to our freshmen.”

“wow, smart, attractive, and a saint? what else can you do seo changbin?”

i did not just say that out loud, save me 

he chuckled and gave you a warm smile

you forgot how much you missed that beautiful smile of his

“apparently i can make you flush like a red tomato too.”

that only made you blush harder

you tried to hide your face from any more embarrassment

“d-do you want a ride home? i don’t want you to be caught in the rain…. we live on the sam-”

“yes y/n, i very much appreciate a ride home from you, thank you.”

“no problem… let’s go”

impulsively, you grabbed his hand and ran through the rain towards your car

i’m just continuously surprising myself today, aren’t i?

still, his hand fit so nicely in yours

holding his hand brought back so many memories

perhaps it was seeing his gentle smile again

or talking to him for the first time in a year

that made you forget that you weren’t best friends anymore

you got to your car in no time but you were both drenched

“i should have a few clean towels in my gym bag, so we can dry off when we get inside.”

“cool, thanks. but y/n?” he faced you

“yes changbin?” you stared into his eyes

“i can’t get inside if you’re still holding my hand” he smirked

“OH R-RIGHT. sorry aha.”

you quickly ran to the driver's side and slammed the door

you both quickly dried your soaking wet hair before heading home

you sat in silence for the first few minutes

“hey you can play some music if you want,” you said handing him the aux cord with one hand

“ah, thanks.”

a familiar tune began playing

“omg is this-”

“1AM BY TAEYANG,” you both said at the same time

you looked at each other and laughed

“i guess we still have the same taste in music.”

“you acquired your taste of music from me. remember all the mixtapes i would make for you?”

“i guess i did. they were really good mixtapes. i guess i owe it to you, thanks, y/n!”

“what do you mean?”

“for kinda getting me into music… .and encouraging me to pursue a music career a few years ago before… before we stopped talking…”

“oh… right…”

even the music couldn’t help the awkward silence in the car the rest of the way home

you pulled into his driveway just as the rain cleared up

“thank you again for the ride home y/n. it was nice talking to you. I miss you.”

you missed the last part because you spent the entire time thinking about how selfish it was to cut off your best friend just because of a silly thing like popularity

why did i even care back then? so what if more than half the school swoons over him? it’s not like i care right? he was my best friend

i didn’t like him

i don’t like him

“y/n? are you alright? did you catch a cold?”

changbin put his hand on your forehead

you weren’t sick but you could feel butterflies in your stomach

did i have milk today ahahaha silly me, i always forget that i’m lactose intolerant ahhaah

“N-NO! sorry, I just zoned out for a bit. i’ll see you at school changbin.”

he withdrew his hand and began to step out of the car

“yeah, right. see you at school y/n.” he said without looking back

[moonraccoon-exe]

Oh no don't worry I wasn't upset. Well, not at you. I'm sending a separate ask to keep private but other than THAT, things are good. Foot is all better, Coctura is happy and healthy, I'm still with Coach, whose team just got silver in a competition btw. I think I just needed a break from social media in general, which is fine bc it gave me time to play LOTS of Red Dead Redemption 2. -Breakfast Girl

*HYSTERICAL INHALE*

BREAKFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURL BUDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

*eXPLODES*

*HYSTERICALLY SHORT CIRCUITING AND EXPLODING OVER AND OVER AND OVER*

Lemme add a very  nice keep reading right here :3

BG BUDDY MY SWEETEST MUFFIN CUTIE PIE YOU WONDERFUL SUPERB CREATURE MADE OF AMAZINGNESS, OMG IT U!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*EXPLODES*

ASKLDJFDALKGJASDKLAJDG KLAJFAKLFGJDAKLGJAFKLAGJ DAKLGJADKLF AKGDLJ GKLSJF

*UNCONTROLLABLY FLAILING AND SPASMING AND SHORT CIRCUITING LIKE A DESPERATE TURTLE ON ITS BACK AT ROCKET SPEED*

*SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK*

BUDDY BG, ASKLDJADKLGJADLKGJDA, OMG OMG OMG

IT U

BG BUDDY

IT U

FLIPS EVERY FLIPPABLE OBJECT IN THE HOUSE*

*GLOMPS AND STAYS TIGHTLY HUGGED TO YOUR HEAD AND DOESN’T LET GO EVER AGAIN*

YOU SUPERB CREATURE YOU WONDERFUL CUPCAKE OMG HOW I’VE MISSED YOU FUCK OH MY GAWD HOW I’VE MISSED YOU, I MISSED YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH BG BUDDY AND II’VE HAD THIS HERE FOR SO LONG AND HAVEN’T ANSWERED AND I FEEL SO GUILTY BUT I WANTED TO GIVE YOU A PROPER ANSWER AND OMG BG BUDDY IT U I MISSED YOU SO MUCH KALSJDKLGJ AKLDJD

*THROWS EVERYTHING OUT THE WINDOW*

*TRASHES THE ROOM*

*tRASHES THE WHOLE NEIGHBORDHOOD WHILE SCREECHING*

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH AKLSJFDKLAGJ AKLFJDAKLGJDA DLJA

*HYPERVENTILATES*

RIGHT OKAY YES HELLO IT ME I’M GONNA FORCE MYSELF TO CALM DOWN BECAUSE *HYPERVENTILATES LOUDER AND FASTER* OMG IT U AND I WANT TO GO ON FOR PAGES AND PAGES SCREAMING EXCITEDLY AT YOU BECAUSE OMG BG BUDDY IT U AKLSJDKALG JAKLDGJ A*DROWNS* I’M SO HYPED SO EXCITED TO BE TALKING WITH YOU AGAIN BUT JUST LIKE LTAST TIME IF I KEEP GOING AND GOOING ABOUT IT I’M NEVER GONNA ANSWER TO YOU AND IT’S BEEN LONG ENOUGH ALREADY I NEED TO C A L M D O WN AKLSJDFKDLG JAKLDGJ LAKJSGD

*GOES AWAY FOR A MINUTE*

Ah. Ah. okAY I Got iT AKLDSJGKLFAJGLADKGJSFKLJGFSG

OKAY I GOT IT I BE CALM HNGFNHFGNHFG

SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

BG BUDDY IT YOU!!!!!!! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡

*snuggles*

Omg BG buddy, thank you SO much for dropping another ask!! PHEW, I?m so sorry it’s taken me this awfully terribly long to say something. Holiday season has been sorta busy for me this year, which has been both pleasant and time consuming. Definitely enjoyable, though! It’s the first year my family decides to take the week, so I’ve been busy with that!! Sorry, but thank you for understandin and waiting :3

I’m glad to know that you weren’t upset at me! But also very sad to know that other thing you sent in the private ask. I did worry a lot reading it, but at the end you reassured me it was fine and it’s all back to normal and that’s such a giant, immense relief, you have no idea. I’m happy it didn’t get any worse and that things turned out alright!! Aahhh, makes me wanna hug you both ( ´ ▽ ` )

Your foot is all better now!!! HOOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ BG Buddy I’m SO happy for you omg, in the meanwhile you were quiet, I was wondering about your foot a lot. It also happened that in a fic I’m currently writing someone is dealing with a broken leg, so I inevitably thought about you even more, ahaha. Aaah, I’m so happy and relieved to know it’s all okay now!! o(>ω

*SQUEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK* DEAR COCTURA SWEETIE CUTIEPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hapy and blessed and lkasjdkladfja that you let me know about precious smol Coctura!!! *SQUEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK* THAT PRECIOUS ANGEL THAT DESERVES THE WORLD OMG I’M SO HAPPY FOR THE PRECIOUS FLUFF ;A; Happy and healthy..I mean, it’s you looking after her, so it really doesn’t surprise me. You’re a kind and good person so of course lil Coctura would be in such a wonderful state

YOU STILL WITH COACH, AAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! THAT’S SOOOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL!!! :’’3 Hgfhfghklnfghklfnh, I’m so happy that things are apparently working out between you two. It’s WONDERFUL! Means it’s been okay and that is a delight to hear. I’m so happy you both are alright, as in, both as a couple/friends and individually

GASPS Her team got silver recently!?!?!?! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOO BADASS AND EPIC AND SO COOOOOOOOOL, AAAAAHH!!!! o(≧▽≦)o

TELL HER- TELL HER THAT YOU HAE A RACCOON FRIEND AND- AND AND ANDANDNDANAD AND THAT IT SAYS ZOMG CONGRATZ ON SILVER!!!! :D

ASKLDJLKAJFAKLDJFADLKGADJG SO COOL!!!

Ooooh, yesyes, I understand the whole thing about needing a break from social media. Looking after yourself is important, and it doesn’t always  mean to do something, sometimes it means to leave something, even if just momentarily. And somehow, for some reason, social medias have this…energy? Or this thing that consumes your energy, it’s sorta…draining. I don’t know why,, it looks like a simple task, but yes, internet-ing can be exhausting…

I’m very, very happy and glad that you decided to take a break, buddy. It means you were aware you needed it, and it takes something to acknowledge it, even more to actually do it. Social medias can be so…addictive, even when you know you n eed a time away.

So congrats, BG buddy. Once more, you prove to be a strong and mature homan being who knows you need of  You, and you need to look after yourself. And you handled it nicely. Like always, I’m not just happy for you, BG buddy, I’m so proud.

You truly are one brave person, I hope you’re aware.

BUT YEAH

I’m happy to know that you did what you had to. I missed you terribly, but so long you were away to do best to yourself, then I can wait for years, still gonna be here when you’re back, and I’ll definitely be cheering you on. You is important, and I’m glad that you know that, and that you’ve worked so hard on taking care of You. So proud you’re so strong, so happy you’re better now. That’s my BG buddy. ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

OOOOOHHHHH!!!! Red Dead Redemption 2!!! I’ve heard FANTASTIC things about that!! (*°▽°*)  To be honest I missed a lot of the game world (never had any of the PS, and latest thing I had was a Wii), so I don’t think I ever heard about Red Dead Redemption 1? And if I did it didn’t seem important at the time. But now with the release of RDR2 I’ve heard WONDERS about it, everyone going nuts about its release, and it being a fantastic game!!!

I can’t say I know how much you’re enjoying it because I’m clueless on the game, but if you’ve been playing it lots, it means it must be lots and lots of fun to you!! And so epic and entertaining and aksjdakldgjadg omg BG buddy, that’s PHENOMENAAAAAAL!!!!! Games are always a fantastic experience, and one that seems to be so particularly epic? Gawd, I’m so happy you get to play lately, BG buddy!!! :3

Bg buddy, there’s not much more to say. I’m so, so, so happy to see you around again, and so happy to know things are going good. I’m happy that you did what was best to you, and I?m happy to see you wandering around again, and it’s, like always, my delight and honor to see you drop by my inbox. I missed you terribly, buddy, and it makes me happy like you have no idea to see you around again

I hope to hear from you again soon!! How are things going? I haven’t checked Endings in Reverse in a while.Gotta check it later! 

Meanwhile, I hope that you’re doing FANTASTIC, buddy! I’m sorry again for the awfully late response. I’ve been feeling very drained from asks, lately. Maybe it’s because of the two on going fics I’m writing, giganormous...so it really is only my fault, haha!!! But I’ll try to answer when I can, even if it’s by bits. And even when I don’t reply, I read all asks straight away as they arrive, so do feel free to message me if you ever feel like it, even if it takes me a while to reply

Buddy, I don’t know if you celebrate anything in these dates? But happy holidays. Merry Christmas, if that’s as you celebrate!! I wanted to reply to this before the 25th, but I failed ;w;Still, know that I’m sending you lots and lots of my warmest, luckiest, happiest, and most loving raccoonie hugs and vibes. Wishing you a very good rest of the year and a fantastically beautiful start of a new one, regardless of what you may or may not celebrate :3

Dear BG buddy, it’s a delight to be talking with you again!!!!

I hope you’re having a MOST FANTASTIC day or night, buddy!!! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ

[princepriestandpirate]

hm it's A Lot so u can skip questions but abc's for lael !!

i did all of this out of hubris and pride so here u go enjoy

A: Aptitude1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

they’ve had a little scientist’s/engineer’s instincts from a young age! they’ve always been very smart and had a good eye for figuring out how systems and mechanical things function, through observation and taking them apart

2. what activities have they participated in?

this is so vague but like. a lot of magitech stuff? and robot fighting when they were in school. and as a kid a lot of running around in nature, exploring and observing and messing with everything. 

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

they have a natural knack for it, but all their knowledge of robotics, magic, and nature is stuff they took upon themself to study

4. what things are they bad at?

they’re not terrible athletic, and they really havent put much effort into developing people skills. 

5. what is their most impressive talent?

probably to other people the fact that they do magitech

B: Basics1. what is their hair color?

black

2. what is their eye color?

dark brown

3. how tall are they?

about 5′7″

4. how old are they?

31

5. how much do they weigh?

no clue! im bad at figuring this stuff out. body type wise tho, they’re on the leaner side bc elf heritage but also. very squishy.

C: Comfort1. how do they sit in a chair?

almost never with both feet on the ground, at least with one leg up or crossed, sometimes with feet on the seat, but generally with limbs going wherever, one arm hooked over the seatback, etc. there is no order here

2. in what position do they sleep?

they can sleep anywhere and tend to either splay out with limbs everywhere or curl up tight around a pillow

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

hang out at home, read some books, eat their childhood favorites, and hang out with their parents, maybe fuck around out in nature for a bit

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

this chicken and vegetable soup that their dad would make for them when they were sick, it’s heavy and comforting and magically makes them feel a little bit better

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

their parents, but in different ways– their mom does more of the physical ‘taking care of them’ stuff when comforting, and their dad gets more into the emotional comfort stuff

D: Decoration1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

they do have a house! although it’s also first and foremost a lab, but that’s pretty on brand for them anyway. it’s a lot of tools and practical stuff, and a lot of the furniture is based off of personal comfort or use rather than style. for decoration though there’s some blueprints and pictures pasted to the walls. the colors in general are warmer ones, and the place overall gives the impression of not being necessarily Nice but comfortable and lived in. it’s very much Lael’s Space

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

they. would not have children. 

3. how do they decorate their own room?

same with the house– very comfortable and useful, pictures and diagrams pasted on the walls, and lots of space for books and knick-knacks along with work room

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

they have sort of a Style but it’s also pretty chill and comfortable, made to be moving around in their workroom or working outdoors. lots of basic light-weight short sleeve shirts or button-ups, pants w lots of pocket space, overalls, tool belts, etc. if they dress fancier it’s pretty basic and streamlined, look-wise, nothing very flashy or fancy unless it’s the holidays and someone makes them.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

not at all, that’s a lot of extraneous effort they’re not willing to put in, esp since they dont necessarily see a lot of other people regularly

E: External Personality1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

pretty much, yeah. lael doesn’t see the point in trying to put on a nice face for anyone else. they’re a little softer than they appear on the outside tho.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

they dont care much about the norm, but they’ll go along with some stuff for the sake if it being easier (although it’s not common for them). they always tend to grate against norms a little bit in general tho

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

do their own thing. they’ve always been something of an outsider, even in their own community, so they don’t see the value in trying to follow what others are doing.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

the internet doesnt exist but. no. they dont really follow fads or trends outside of their own fields, where they keep up with trends but ultimately follow their own ideas.

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?

in some ways, yes-- they tend to broadcast their own aggressiveness and weirdness so that people know what they’re about and stay away if they’re not interested. other stuff they let people find out on their own, esp emotional soft spots and their occasional gentleness, etc

F: Fun1. what do they do for fun?

science! studying bugs and stuff. and they like gardening a lot, and doing science on the plants. when they were younger they went out more and also participated in some robot-fighting circles in their spare time.

2. what is their ideal party?

they’d think back to the days when they lived in gelt and there were some wild parties with fellow magitechnicians their age– nowadays they’d like something a bit more chill, but a good party for them would entail hanging out and drinking with other people/friends in their field

3. who would they have the most fun with?

mostly old school friends

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

not really, no– they dont have to break the law, but they’re always going to rub up against restrictions. everything is more fun when you have room to explore and make a little bit of trouble

5. do they go out a lot?

nope, they live out in the country and spend a lot of time working. they went out more often when they were young, though

G: Gorgeous1. what is their most attractive external feature?

those high cheekbones!!

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

their passion! when they care about something they Care, and it can be a little bit infectious

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

long intellectual conversations & having a friend that will 100% fight for you if you’re close enough

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

this is... not something they think about a lot, i’m not sure they are terribly introspective. but i think they like their own curiosity and novel approaches to problems, and dislike some of the issues they have interacting w others (but they dont think about it too hard)

5. what parts of others do they envy?

they’ll never admit it, but they’re jealous of people who can move through social situations with a ton of ease.

H: Heat1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

cold, they’re not a big fan of the heat

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

neither, but summer slightly more just because nature is much more active

3. do they like the snow?

it’s fine. pretty but also a pain in the ass

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

bug huntin’! exploring nature! looking at plants and wildlife! taking notes!

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

staying inside where it’s warm and working on projects. and they complain but they don’t entirely hate the rituals of going to see family during winter holidays

I: In-the-closet1. what is their sexuality?

bi/pan, idk if they have a preference label-wise

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

i’m not sure if they had a lot of expectations imposed on them in terms of what’s ‘normal’ sexuality-wise, but they def came to the realization of being not-straight at some point

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

im not sure they ever had a time where they didnt see themselves as non-binary, they maybe messed around w gender as a kid but fairly quickly settled on their current state of not giving a shit

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

what’s homophobia this is fantasy land

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

idk if they actually came out ever, everyone just sorta knows

J: Joy1. what makes them happy?

magitech, exploring nature, weird bugs, learning new things

2. who makes them happy?

their family, their mentor, other magitechnicians who they can talk to and share ideas w

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

songs that their parents would sing when they were young– either as lullabies or songs their father would sing while working

4. are they happy often?

lael’s emotions go all over the place, and i don’t know if they’re truly happy super often, but they’re overall content with the shape of their life right now

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

those moments when they’re working and finally Get something or know exactly how something needs to work

K: Kill1. have they ever thought about suicide?

not really, no

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

…..yes, but more fantasizing than intent to act on it

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

they would at least seriously consider it, and it’d be either their ex or whoever fucked gil up so badly

4. who would miss them if they died?

their family, a few friends

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

hopefully no one? lael is not someone with a few friends, but while they certainly have people who dislike them, they have very few, if any, outright enemies. (to their knowledge?)

L: Lemons1. what is their favorite fruit?

they enjoy citrus but rarely get their hands on it, living in a more temperate climate. otherwise they like sour apples a lot! and blackberries

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

not a fan of pears (it’s a texture thing + they’re a bit too sweet)

3. are there any foods they hate?

not really, most of their food-dislikes are pretty mild. 

4. do they have any food intolerances?

lael is lactose-intolerant! this does not stop them from consuming dairy products.

5. what is their favorite food?

they really like the beef stew the had when they were younger! they dont get it as often now tho, only when they get home

M: Maternal1. would they want a daughter or a son?

they don’t want kids

2. how many children do they want?

zero

3. would they be a good parent?

no, they’re too obsessed with work to take care of anyone else

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

not only do they not want kids but they are notoriously bad at naming anything and should not be allowed to do so to an actual child.

 5. would they adopt?

nope.

N: Never Have I Ever1. what would they never do? 

i don’t think they could ever like.... willingly submit to someone else? whether that be a god or a ruler or a boss. they might go along with them in some circumstances but they could never be truly devoted to someone above them

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

kind of related to #1, they think it’s wild that people follow others w/o any questioning or thinking about it for themself. even w stuff as small as w/ reading a science book-- if lael has the ability to test something out for themself they will before they trust someone else’s perspective

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

once tried to impress a crush by giving them a bug. it did not go well.also that one time that they got a drunken tattoo (altho i dont think they regret it-- they just don’t show it off)

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

lael never really thought of themself as the type to be a teacher, so the fact that they want to and are going to try to teach some stuff to arabella is unexpected for them, even if they themself suggested the idea

O: Optimism1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

i think they alternate depending on the situation? they tend to be pessimistic when it comes to people and their motives, but optimistic in regards to progress/science/their own work

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

they aren’t very openly optimistic, it only really shines through when they start talking about the future of magitech or some shit

3. are they good at giving advice?

not at all! unless it’s help with a project, then maybe. dont go them to them for personal advice though-- most of the good advice they have is just verbatim from other people

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

their parents, esp their dad, are much more optimistic about things

5. were they always optimistic?

they’ve always been pretty optimistic about certain things, like magitech. but they learned pretty young to not be optimistic about others, and they became even more pessimistic in that area as time has gone on

P: Personality1. what is their best personality trait?

their intense love of knowledge and passion for their work

2. what is their worst personality trait?

they’re kind of an asshole and care very little about what others think of them, for better or worse. 

3. what of their personality do others love?

dm quote: “Other magitechnicians admire their ingenuity and focus, Gil and their parents love their quiet dedication and the joy they take in their passions”

4. what of their personality do others envy?

the fact that they seem to care very little of others’ opinions of them

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

they tend to dislike others who are ‘fake’ and not straightforward with their intentions. as for themself, the fact that they do not have a lot of self control, ESPECIALLY when it comes to their shit taste in romantic partners

Q: Questions1. do they ask for help?

not often, if they can avoid it, but at the end of the day they’re more concerned w progress than pride

2. do they ask questions in class?

they’re the type of kid to ask too many questions in class, actually

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

they might, but they’ll generally call out the other person for asking uncomfortable questions as well

4. do they ask weird questions?

very! they did moreso as a kid, they’ve developed SOME tact now

5. are they curious?

oh yeah they’re SUPER curious about stuff, but only when it’s in their field of interest (ex: they dont care much about gossip at all, not when cool bugs exist)

R: Rules1. do they follow rules?

only when it benefits them or it aligns with their own beliefs.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

they would… not be a parent. but if they were, a fairly distant and laid back one.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

almost definitely, but mostly stuff like “taking worms inside the house” or “getting in fights w others” (rarely) or generally being a weird chaotic shit as a kid. they break less rules now but mostly bc they care about keeping their job

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

hm. i don’t think so. they’re not the type to have many regrets.

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

they have Thoughts about some Taliare rules that limit magitechnicians and impede progress. they also have issues w bureaucracy in general

S: Streets1. are they street-smart?

they are generally pretty good at reading others and judging their intentions, but they’ve def focused more attention on book-smarts

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

honestly? probably not, but more out of not wanting to interact with strangers than any sort of malice

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

realistically absolutely yes, once as a kid and one or two times when they were going through their first round of magitech school.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

they probably got pickpocketed once or twice in gelt

5. are they cautious when out?

only a bit, but they’re very capable of protecting themself if it comes down to it (they’ve got a knife! and magic!)

T: Truth1. are they honest?

on principle, and sometimes to a fault

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

usually yeah, they can get a good read on others

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

they rarely lie they, so they don’t have a ton of practice at it, and i think someone who knows them well or is pretty intuitive they’d be able to pick up on it

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

i don’t think they lie enough for this to be the case? it’s mostly white lies if anything

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

nope, not really.

U: Underdog1. have they been bullied?

when they were younger, yes. partially bc of being a half elf in an almost entirely human town (which made them a very easy target) and partially bc they were just a weird fucking kid

2. have they bullied anyone?

they’ve been MEAN to people but not actively bullied anyone. they did break a kid’s nose once but he deserved it.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

i dont think so, i think it was more teasing and ostracism. any physical attacks were pretty mild or on their possessions. i think once someone tried to get physical but they were scared off by the only other non-human in town (besides lael’s dad), an older half-orc boy named Cyrus, and they never tried to attack lael again.

4. have they ever been doubted?

i mean, yes almost definitely, altho i cant give u an example

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

i feel like when they were young and first showed talent w magitech they surprised some ppl. also, when they lived in gelt i think the fact they knew so much about nature and medicine was unexpected to ppl who just met them, but for anyone who knew them well it wouldnt be surprising at all

V: Vomit1. do they vomit often?

not really, unless they’re sick

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

not really, they dont eat particularly out-there food and their stomach isnt overly sensitive

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

lael isn’t good at comforting period, they’re more the type to just go through necessary medical stuff but they do not have very good bedside manner.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

they like to be in a place they’re comfortable, like home, and with people that Get them, w like a nice blanket, and more physical affection than usual.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

i do not know or care

W: Water1. do they drink enough water?

they probably forget while they’re working. their mom gets on them about this when they come home tho

2. have they learned to swim?

probably only the very basics, they dont live around any large bodies of water so they’re not super proficient

3. do they like to swim?

not really

4. can they dive?

o def not

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

i would hope so?

X: Xylophone1. what is their favorite genre of music?

i don’t know if they’re super up to date on music? in a modern day setting they’d be into all sorts of electronic music tho

2. do they have a favorite song?

again, not modern day so idk

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

not in-game, but they’d probably be very into all sorts of weird electronic music and lo-fi stuff that mixes ‘real’ sounds, like snail’s house

4. can they sing well?

oh no they’re not very good at it at all

5. can they rap?

….probably not

Y: You1. how old were you when you created them?

21! i made them this year

2. what inspired you to create them?

i figured if i was gonna play a character in a magitech universe i wanted them to be related to that in some way. basically they were created with the idea of “i want to play a character with a robot arm” and literally their entire backstory and personality is descended from that fact. 

the other thing is that i was learning about biomimicry-technology in german class and i thought it’d be cool to have an engineer character that very much loved and was influenced by nature

3. were they different when they were first created?

oh i first thought that their personality would be more stoic and distant, but in reality the most core thing about their personality is how fucking passionate they are about things

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

again, i dont really love playing one character more than others, i just love them for different reasons! but lael is particularly fun to play because it’s fun to not worry much about coming off as “nice” to others, and also I Love Magic. it’s also fun to play someone so passionate about their studies and work bc i can channel myself into that!

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

man honestly it’s that aforementioned passion that they have for what they do, and their endless curiosity about how things work and how to make them better

Z: Zebra1. what’s their favorite animal?

spiders!!! they love creepy crawlys and bugs in general though

2. do they like animals?

yes but more in a scientific way than a ‘wants to have a lot of pets’ way. and it’s generally more reptiles/insects/arachnids than furry animals

3. cats or dogs?

cats

4. what’s their dream pet?

a tarantula! or a cool lizard

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

nah, but they have plants

[crossnecklace]

hi hi hi! so i feel like a lot of my most favorite fics dont get talked about much, therefore i wanted to create a proper fic rec masterpost to spread the love!! this is going to be a looooong list, so hopefully theres something for everyone (though i do firmly believe u should read every single one of these before u die)

in no particular order, but a * indicates my absolute faves that i reread monthly:

hats off to my distant hope by navigator (21k) *

Harry is in White Eskimo. Louis is in London.

AU loosely inspired by the song “505” by Arctic Monkeys.

-kicking this off with one of my very favorites. i think my favorite trope is when hl have this angsty “we’re not dating but definitely fucking and also doing everything couples do also i’m irrevocably in love with you why aren’t we dating?” sort of moment. its painful in the sweetest way, and this fic captures that perfectly. there will be quite a few of those on this list, i’ll bet

up the long delirious burning blue by orphan_account (6k)

harry is a swimmer & louis is the writer who somehow manages to make him come up for air. 

-this one is quite sad. so poetic and painful and lovely and unf (warning for mentions of suicide and depression, and the ending is quite ambiguous but there is no MCD)

we wreak havoc with out hearts by flimsy (9k)

Harry finds that he can’t keep things separate; neither can Louis.

Harry tousles his hair, smoothes it back, shrugging. 

“Alright,” he says. “I’m, you know, outside if you need anything.” 

“Yeah,” Louis replies. “Sure.” 

He doesn’t look like he’ll be needing Harry, and Harry tells himself that that’s okay. They’ve both got their moods sometimes or maybe the timing isn’t good, and if it’s not then that’s alright as well. Harry can respect that. And it’s not like this is their first tour; Harry knows that Louis will come around. He always does.

-another one of those w that trope i talked about. im gonna call it the RFWB trope (romantic friends w benefits). this one is so hot and good

rather this than live without you by mediaville (10k) *

Harry decides to give it all up. Louis refuses to be left behind.

-RFWB pt. 3. i ADORE this fic. just the setting and the angst and the smut ugh it all has me on the floor

one day to believe in you by mediaville (7k) 

A mysterious force compels Louis to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Even when it’s really inconvenient.

Harry blinks and has the nerve to look surprised. 

“You think about me when you get off?”

“Yes,” Louis says. He wonders how hard he’d need to punch himself in the face to knock himself out.

“Often?”

“Yes, Christ, Harry,” Louis groans. “Probably eight times a week for going on six years now. On average, you know. More when we were touring, less when I’ve been visiting family. Anything else you’d like to know?”

- :-)))))))

all my love was down in a frozen ground by navigator (16k)

Louis goes to the woods. 

AU very loosely inspired by the creation of Bon Iver’s first record.

-i’ll be honest i dont even remember what this fic is about but its in my bookmarks and its by navigator so i know that its good

boys of summer by sharktoothedfawnskinned (49k) *

What he wants is for this to be a forever thing, not someplace Harry spent the summer once.  What he wants is for this to be more than a memory.

(New Jersey beach town AU.) 

- I SCREAM EVERY TIME READ THIS RIGHT NOW 

we should get jerseys by orphan_account (12k) *

There’s a lot surrounding Harry, and Louis knows, in his heart of hearts, that there always will be. He just doesn’t know if he’ll manage to equate into the ‘always’ of it.

(Harry is a hockey player, and Louis is his slightly melodramatic boyfriend.)

- another old favorite!!! pretty much anything that involves harry being good at sports has me on my knees bc it paves way for automatic angst, louis being jealous of a puck/ball/net/what have you, and uhhh various other *athletic* activities

the finish line (is a good place for us to start) by @loaded-gunn (122k)

Louis Tomlinson, one-time Formula 1 World Champion, is looking forward to the 2013 season. He’s got Zayn in his garage and Liam in his ear, he’s got Cowell Racing backing him despite former indiscretions, he’s got experience and the best race car out there. Not to mention he’s the only racer they have, after Oliver dropped out late last year.

It hasn’t occurred to him that Oliver would have to be replaced by February. That is, until he finds himself at a party celebrating Harry Styles leaving Ferrari for Cowell. Harry hotshot Styles, who broke a record last year and is probably looking to make a big splash. Harry Styles, who is talented and somewhat intimidating. Harry Styles, who left Ferrari for reasons unknown and seems kind of lonely and harmless in person. Lonely, harmless, hot as fuck. Whatever.

The first thing Louis does is take him under his wing. From there it’s nine months of slow-burning romance, the past catching up to them, turning into the human puppy pile that is OT5 and a lot of feelings until, of course, reaching the finish line.

-one of the first 1d fics i remember reading. i havent touched it in a long time but it used to be my #1 fave and it has a special place in my heart. so much pining, only not really in a frustrating way bc theres abundant flirting and they kiss in like, the second scene. its basically louis trying to keep his shit together and failing miserably. AND its stuffed with fandom meta which is quite entertaining if youve been here for awhile. anyway give this a read, i truly love it so much

so keep my candle bright by whisperdlullaby (78k) *

louis returns to his hometown after four years to find that the reverend’s son has done some growing up of his own.

-god. the characterization in this one is just gorgeous. the way louis helps harry accept/explore his sexuality is so beautiful and i think about it every day. a must read!!! (warning for homophobia and religious themes)

no one like you by @myownsparknow (20k)

Dear Niall,

I was glad to have the chance to talk with you again at the AHA conference. Your idea that the Musee D’Orsay Tomlinson painting is in fact not a self-portrait is an intriguing one, and I may have discovered something that will have a bearing on that theory.

Some background: as you may remember, I’ve been researching for a book I’m writing about Harry Styles. I’ve been in communication with Styles’ last living descendant, who is in possession of a trunk that her family believed to have belonged to Styles himself. It held some personal items she presumes to be his, including two unmounted paintings and a small collection of letters.

Upon spending the last few days in Provins studying these items, I believe there to be a connection between Tomlinson and Styles, and I would very much like your opinion.

Are you up for a trip to France?

Sincerely, Liam Payne

Where Liam and Niall are art historians discovering the truth about two nineteenth century painters on opposite sides of an artistic divide.

-this is one of the only recent fics on this list bc i like to stew in the past and pretend all my favorite writers havent left the fandom. i read it when it first came out and man oh man, its like poetry. so gorgeously written, and hl’s relationship is so deeply rooted and beautiful. i love

our little corner of the world by brownheadedstranger (30k)

AU. Louis is stuck in his mom’s diner for the summer. Harry is the line cook with a pickup truck.

-so good!! i’d die for americanized fics which doesnt even make sense bc i hate america but. what can u do 

i could dream all night by @fondleeds (73k) *

As the sun kisses the horizon, one last flash of light before the stars and the moon take over, his phone will brighten in his grasp, Louis’ name appearing on screen, come over or wanna see you or miss your mouth. Harry always lingers on those messages, elbows bruising on the cool metal of the railing by the lookout, watching the water as he thumbs at the side of his phone, lips bitten into his mouth, trying to will away the bubbling in his stomach, the heat that flushes to his neck at the thought of being thought of.

At the thought of Louis thinking of him.

AU. Harry spends his summer away from the city.

-lordt. where the fuck do i begin. first of all, lysha, if ur reading this, i’d die for u even tho u already killed me with this fic. second, what the fuck???? this is so good??? the imagery is exquisite, everything is so soft and hazy and warm, but just be warned that its a tRick. this fics wraps u in like a warm hug and then stabs u 7 times in the back so be prepared :-))) (warning for ambiguous ending)

another hazy may by deLILAh (41k) *

louis is a terrible poet and harry lives in the now and they have six weeks to fall in love but, really, it only takes six seconds. bookshop meets military meets summer romance au ft. marlboros, the backstreet boys, and underrated literary devices.

-i dnot even wanna talk about it. i swear to god the first time i read this i stayed up all night and cried through literally like the last three quarters of it. its so poetic and gorgeous and now every time i think or hear about the literary present i wanna die so thanks for scarring me forever 

like a bastard on the burning sea by vashtaneradas (22k) *

au; harry breaks louis, louis breaks everything.

- listen i know im not supposed to like this but yknow what?? iconic. its absolutely a guilty pleasure and the only cheating fic ill ever give the time of day bc it just hurts so good 

take me to the church (series) by @kingsoftheimpossible (14k/6k/4k)

Harry and Louis are Horsemen of the Apocalypse- War and Conquest- but that’s not really important. They just like to fuck things up.

these r freaky but so so good. theres nothin i love more than boyfriends wreaking havoc on..everything. (the main warnings i’d say are for slight gore/violence and blasphemy. other than that i’d read the tags before you dive in)

if you love me, come clean by @victoryjacket​ (121k) *

AU in which Louis works at a recording studio where Harry’s ‘up and coming’ and ‘exciting’, soon-to-be famous indie band has just signed a deal to record their debut album at, and Louis’ never even heard of them for Christ’s sakes, but that doesn’t stop him from repeatedly catching the eye of the raven-haired, eyeliner-wearing and slightly dangerous-looking frontman (but he’s not interested, he isn’t.)

-everyone read my love’s fic right now. she writes tortured rockstar!harry beautifully and its just so good :-))))) ft. the slowest, sweetest burn 

a runaway american dream by dangerbears (15k)

AU. they take route 66 with only each other and their secrets.

-iconic. plus the whole thing is just hl trying and failing to be just bro pals and platonically share a bed

from the love to the lightning by orphan_account (22k) *

“i didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. because it’s the halves that halve you in half.”

 a like crazy au where harry and louis fall in america, but have to try to make it work when problems arise that force louis to stay in london.

-definitely in my top 10. first things first, the line that fucked me up forever: “Three thousand, four hundred and seventy one. There are 3471 miles and an entire ocean between them, but Harry doesn’t even have to get out of bed to find bone-crushing heartache.” AH. i think this might actually be the only long distance au ive ever read and its angsty as fuck but oh so worth it. like literally idek what to say except read this right now (warning for harry/ofc relationship that is pretty detailed, but i grew kinda fond of her? and anyway its mainly just a plot point to emphasize harrys pining for his tru love,,,,yk who) 

we can take the long way home by @eleadore (27k) *

“Fertile,” Louis says, and then laughs because it sounds stupid to say out loud. He hasn’t ever really thought of himself in those terms. Baby-making terms. It’s just one of those things his body can do, like exercise, or go without tea. Doesn’t mean he will.

or, The band takes a break. Harry and Louis come together.

-listen, i REALLY REALLY love this fic. its probably literally my favorite one shot, like, its really just so sweet and hot and its again one of those good ol RFWB tropes. loveeee

red brick heart by hazmesentir (99k) *

Harry has only had his room for thirty-two minutes when it stops being his.

Uni AU. Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn’t expect is a surprise roommate who’s loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he’s ever wanted.

-this is one of the few fandom faves i can get behind. i know its got that early era cliche of commitment phobe!louis but i really love hl’s relationship in this, and how harry comes to terms w his sexuality via making out w louis tomlinson like 500 times. plus the scene in the club where louis, uh, helps harry out just…GETS me, yknow? 

some things take root by navigator/quitter (50k) *

AU. Louis’ ex doesn’t get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.

-pleasepleplalspelplseease. literally navigator can end me. this is THE fake relationship au yall, like, any fanart of hl making out near a bar gives me flashbacks to this fic. read it

keep yourself warm by navigator (20k)

AU. Harry sleeps around.

-this fic is really nice and oddly comforting, like, i just love the pining and the angst. its so !!!! 

with love comes strange currencies by mediaville (16k) *

One day One Direction will be over and Louis won’t be around Harry every waking moment. He’ll be able to finally get some space, let their bond dissipate as it’s bound to do, if they don’t mess up again. He can move to Costa Rica and forget that Harry Styles popped his first knot inside him. Until then, he’s going to have to deal with this.

or, They’re Accidentally Mated and Dealing With It Rather Badly.

-i con ic. listen, i have nothing against abo but im just .. not rly into it. however, THIS is the first abo fic i read and the only one i ever loved. like just the whole accidental mating and how it draws them to each other even tho its quite inconvenient, and how h takes cares of l when hes sick, i just..gotta go 

covered in lines (series) by mentalistecbm (24k)

He likes to imagine that he’s always aware of Harry’s eyes on him, but the spark that flashes across his body at how often Harry licks his lips while looking at his throat doesn’t feel like something he’s explicitly and consciously acknowledged before, but it feels familiar. Usual. Right.

(Louis is human, and Harry is lucky enough to be his vampire boyfriend.)

-noah fence but this is,,,, essentially twilight in au form, minus love triangles and werewolves. actually its completely different lmao, who am i, but the overall atmosphere and the vampire dynamics rly reminded me of it. i mean it in the best way!!! its so good, and anything involving dr*nking has me on the floor

weird honey by orphan_account (5k)

~staying up all night, talking blasphemous ash, weird honey~ 

(PWP where Harry is not 100% at home in his body and he and Louis use a sex toy to help work through the problem)

-this fic is soft and nice and makes me feel warm inside so highly recommend

who painted the moon black by throughthedark (95k) *

“People died,” Harry whispers so quietly Louis strains to hear. “People died, and I killed some of them. How does life just go on after something like that?”

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t know. It just does.”

Hunger Games AU where Louis Tomlinson is district six’s victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven’s victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.

-listen. i do NOT want to talk about it. (ps harry throwing axes on the bbc literally  took me out by the knees bc of this fic)

one more for the stars by imsosorry (16k)

It’s different, and Louis knows that, because Harry’s got so much riding on this - a career and a future and his whole life. There’s talk of him going first overall in the draft, of entering the NFL after only two years in college, of going to New York or Seattle or Green Bay, and Louis wants to be there for him, wants to support him and help him make decisions, but he also kind of wants to pin him to the bed and cry and scream, What about me what about me what about me?

(au. Harry’s the star quarterback and Louis is about to graduate. It’s a heartbreak waiting to happen.)

-i think i mentioned before that sports au have me on the floor and this is no excpetion 

you and me were kings by ithacas (28k) *

harry plays football in a small town in west texas. louis might be the only person that doesn’t give a damn. au.

-another football au, this one with the added beauty of being set in southern us. im such a sucker for southern aus, mannnn, and this one is so soft and beautiful

hold onto your stars by vashtaneradas (16k) *

au; harry’s in the army, louis’ back home, and ninety days is a lifetime.

-are u srs????? this is another hazy may except…….Worse. like, im still working out the science of it but im pretty sure this killed me and brought me back to life just so i could suffer the pain of it forever. (nobody dies tho)

makes perfect by checkthemargins (8k)

“What if you practiced on like, a mannequin?” Louis presses. “Or one of those blow up sex dolls? Or even just like, I don’t know, a pillow or something. Whatever it’d fit around.”

Harry tilts his head thoughtfully, curls catching the light so entrancingly that Louis finds himself reaching up to push his fingers through them. “It’s different, though, innit? When it’s a real person. A pillow won’t snog me.”

“Why should it?” says Louis. “You can’t even take its bra off.”

hmmmm. hmmmmmmmm. im jus gonna leave this here,,,,,,,,,

all the diamonds you have here by vashtaneradas (21k) 

it hits louis now, how fucking close to the precipice they’re standing. 

or, an au feat. investment banking and children.

-its #confirmed that anything by vashtaneradas is guaranteed to be painful as hell. who said there cant be soul crushing angst in marriage/kid fics too ! 

wild and unruly by @100percentsassy/gloria_andrews (123k) *

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

-ending this with a classic. i trust that everyone has read this masterpiece already and that i dont have to say anything about it other than w o w 

______________________________________________________________

tis all for now! happy reading and pleaseee feel free to yell @ me about these fics if you liked them as much as i did!!