#bc i know the very basics on a lot of related topics

[uygfiug]

:(( im far too tired to do schoolwork but ive got an important group assignment due tonight

[km3tt0]

hi hi hi hi hi I'm a new follower!! Can you tell me anything and everything about Aurora Soothsayer? Pretty please? I love starbee sm and I really like Aurora's design- (I also really like that Starscream is the carrier because that's kinda rare in this ship which is a SHAME, because I feel like the starbee dynamic gets 100% more cute and funny if Starscream is all whiny and needy and constantly uses the 'I'm the one carrying our child' argument 24/7)

IVE BEEN DYING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ABOUT MY THEORIES HAND ON - I MADE A MODEL! /REF

ONG YOU ASK ABOUT HER! THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU REALLY MAKE MY DAY SO MUCH BETTER!

YAP ALERT! Bc I have so much to talk about her!!! (Also I’m glad you like the Star Carrier concept because YES, to me it just felt right and thinking about a more whiny Starscream it’s funny to think about!!)

Okay so LETS BEGIN!

1.- Her names are both a mix of Human + Cybertronian names. Bee suggested the human name (it was TC’s idea*) and Starscream suggested the Cybertronian name, because no way in hell his sparkling is going to be name after something the “fleshings” invented. They had a full debate on how to name her and it took them months before deciding that both names are okay.

[Ironically Starscream calls her Rory and Bee calls her Soo]

2. She can be considered a very spoiled child, she basically gets all what she wants if she asks, their parents give her everything but she doesn’t act like spoiled child, she’s actually a very sweet bot once you gain her confidence! Spoiled sweet if you want to name it

3. She’s a Sire’s girl. After the war and Bee trying to play the diplomat (again) he just realized it wasn’t really for him, too much pressure and basically became the cybertronian equivalent of stay home dad, while Starscream (after getting his body back) with tons of effort and trial, became a judge inside the Supreme Justice Court in the New Cybertron.

She grew up mostly with Bee, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her carrier just as much.

4. Aurora absolutely loves Windblade and Windblade absolutely loves her.

I hc that Bee and Wind see each other as siblings, so that’s her fav auntie, because by Primus, she has a lot of aunts and uncles (courtesy of Bee’s friendly personality). And from the Elite trine, she likes to hang out with TC more, she likes to hear what his new script going and also stories of Marissa and Buster and wishes she met them.

5. One of my fav details about her. Her eyes. Probably you notice but Aurora is basically the carbon copy of Bee, everything about her is just like looking at a femme Bee BUT her eyes are completely different. She got her eyes from Star, it presented as a manifestation of Starscream’s true form, almost like a sign of “you were able to become your true self”.

And of course, Starscream loves her eyes. And it’s more deep than just vanity and seeing himself somewhere in her. He’s happy she had the opportunity to be who she was intended to do, something that was took away from him.

6. She is the equivalent of a 18-19 year old in Cybertronian years.

7. She never got to met Optimus nor Megatron. She did hear about them and the war (I mean of course Bee and Star are basically veterans) she knows more about Optimus and she constantly has a dream where she meets him. Bee tells her he’s probably visiting her, that’s something Optimus will do.

Megatron is a more mysterious topic for her, she knows him by the stories others tells her but she hears almost nothing about him from Starscream. He tells her is better to leave it that way, Megatron’s memory doesn’t deserve to remain hunting him or his family. (Tho that doesn’t stop Star from still making fun of Megatron )

8. (this is more a Starscream fact inside this universe but it’s still related to Aurora) Starscream had a hard time trying to find a way to show her affection towards her without fucking it up. When he discovered they were having a sparkling he was nonchalant at first but as soon as he started to actually feel Aurora’s spark growing inside him something in him changed. He started to panic, so oddly of him, but he realized he doesn’t know how to be a parent and properly show affection.

Sure, he does show affection towards Bee, but that’s because Bee made it easier for him. Bee was a full formed bot. But this little sparkling was something new, something HE DID and for the first time he tried his best to not self sabotage himself ever again.

Aside of Bee, Windblade helped him a lot to process his feelings and he started to stand her, just a little.

[*Aurora’s name]: Thundercracker being the one with the idea of Aurora’s names is an understatement.

It was more like: Bee went to TC to ask him for advice because he couldn’t decide a name. TC was just nodding while writing his new script and Bee ranted in the background, he nodded at every statement of Bee, not really paying attention.

And accidentally he blurted aloud the name of Aurora while also coming out for the name of his new co-protagonist and Bee absolutely loved it and basically stormed off from TC’s home. He was so confused.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

uh hi. got some few followers because that LSN post. some points of housekeeping:

this blog rare contained little space where actually safe when wider autism & disability community very hostile to people like me. n whenever people follow me because of posts not about severe disability / level 2&3 HrSN nonverbal autism, some new people don’t know what going on & sometimes do stuff that make this space feel unsafe. you’re more than welcome to stay as long as you follow housekeeping & have general respect

1. not written by me but read this

& do search in blog for intellectual disability too

2. use stuff like autism levels & nonverbal & impairment & deficit language & severe autism & severe disability & visible autism here to describe self & have friends who also use them. while not use for self, also have friend who been called low functioning & also call themself that. you not have to like all that for yourself but don’t police what we call self don’t tell me “um actually this is ableist��� but of course you call yourself whatever!” uh. we know. basically if you uncomfortable to even see these language my blog not for you.

eventually will have actual post about this instead of respond to someone rude who blocked me after this n so blocked back… but for now this will do (probably used to have one but too tired find right now)

3. 99% time post about above topic. n blog center people with those experiences & decenter LSN level 1 mild whatever language use. reflect on your experience n who you are n your privileges n your advantages bc we all have some yea even me

4. because do experience stuff post about they not just words… no empathy, can’t mask, have very bad theory of mind, often don’t understand other people exist not to mention have different thoughts feelings knowledge experience than me. am bitter a lot, mad a lot, angry a lot. think in extremes, n immediate write what think, immediate post what write. can be angry aggressive without realize n even if do realize, can’t really do anything about it. basically have level 2/3 autism have big communication struggle have big cognitive struggle & act like it

5. don’t tell me you relate to what am saying unless am know you. keep have problem of people think they experience same thing am talking about but actually turn out very different whole other world n am wish can be like them. sorry to people am not familiar with who genuinely understand n relate but please understand need this

6. am just one random nonverbal person with level 2/3 autism & higher support needs & severe disability online. human. so make mistakes. n have bad takes like anyone. don’t treat me as write universal truth never wrong

7. oh something important. no “going nonverbal” “nonverbal episode” “sometimes nonverbal” etc

should update all this on pinned

tone sound annoyed pissed off because kind of am… but not because of this so not at any of you all not personal

[titsthedamnseason]

Why are u a Charlie hater? Perhaps I just sympathise with him too much but I really feel as though it takes a certain type of person to get him yk?

Also this isn't me hating on your opinion or anything bc obv it's yours I just like to know details, also lmk if you're ever down to talk more in depth about the series?

i’m not a charlie hater 🤷‍♀️ i’m sure i have used that phrase before but i definitely mean it more like im giving off negative vibes / opinions as in im being a hater but not that i hate charlie. sorry if that makes no sense im insane. what i mean is that yes i guess im a charlie hater but that does not mean i hate charlie or dont like anything about his character or think he’s entirely irredeemable.

also, please talk to me about this series literally ANY time! it’s basically my full time job outside of my actual full time job. there is nothing i enjoy more 🥰 literally any time, any topic i am here for the in depth conversations. you just lmk and im there (also this is making me want to reread the entire like us series which is unfortunate because i am NOT supposed to do that this year)

i just relate to connor a lot more as a character and i don’t get really what there is to sympathize with charlie over. i only bring up connor because everyone is so determined to make charlie out to be another “version” of connor but they are so different to me. kbr paint charlie as SOOOOOO TORTURED but it’s like dude be for real you have a great life. and whatever mental issues he’s battling that sucks…but i do NOT sympathize with his treatment of the people around him especially his family

making disparaging comments about lily and lo’s addictions TO THE PUBLIC, calling them weak to their children, literally EVERYTHING he has EVER said to sulli (which i’ll admit is sometimes super funny but still MEAN AS HELL)…..these things can’t be excused. we don’t really know a lot about his inner workings which is why i’m excited to get into his head but i doubt anything could justify his general behavior towards the people around him. everyone has problems, no one else is a massive dick and uses the fact that they are too smart (????) that it makes their life agony to justify it

get real. charlie is a LOSERRRRRR who has no capacity for managing his feelings despite the infinite resources he could utilize to learn how to do so

also i’m cranky as hell today if it isn’t obvious but when you said “it takes a certain type of person to get him yk” i didn’t like your tone! i mean that lightheartedly 🫶🏻 i promise and i would be very interested in hearing why you DO like charlie and what you find sympathetic about his character and what i am apparently lacking in that makes me unable to do so…

before i close this out i just remembered something else that really bothers me about him is the way he has always treated moffy. you can be sympathetic to his feelings about that whole situation and their dynamic but i find it VERY hard to sympathize with his response. he is immature as hell and never once actually tried to talk to moffy or explain his frustrations and he used moffy as a sounding board for his negative feelings about SO MANY aspects of the world it wasn’t fair at all. it’s sort of the same with his behavior towards sulli like we all have family members we don’t like or problems with people but they aren’t supposed to KNOW that…how come everyone else in the world learns this lesson from childhood but charlie gets a free pass to be rude just because he’s charlie?

and again, it’s annoying because i really do think charlie is often quite funny (like when he threw that book at maximoff’s head? and farrow got so mad because moffy hadn’t slept in days? that was objectively TERRIBLE but his determination to be a menace just HAS to make you laugh i’m so sorry maximoff you did not deserve that king 💚)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

question! is it a form of neglect to purposefully not give your children sex ed? i've been thinking a lot abt it lately, especially bc that's how i grew up. when i started asking sex related questions, people would either awkwardly lie or straight up tell me not to ask. to the point my mom would guilt me for asking, saying "you can read i'll find you a book" [never gets me any books abt it] "but stop bothering me bc i have a lot on my hands" ect ect guilting stuff.

like, thinking back on it now, it makes me feel more and more like not giving your kids sex ed on purpose is a form of neglect. i understand NOT knowing sex ed stuff but it seems like when you get kids, it's kinda your job to make sure they get that info somehow? so many people DON'T know basic sex ed or even what CONSENT is and it seems like that's not just a school system thing but sometimes it's also a PARENT thing.

sorry to ramble in your inbox. i've jst been thinking about this a lot, especially being on your blog, and wondered if you had any thoughts on it.

hi anon,

this is a rather thorny question and not one that I feel comfortable making generalizations about.

certainly there are caregivers who intentionally withhold access to information about sex, anatomy, and consent as part of a larger pattern of manipulating and indoctrinating their children, and stigmatize or otherwise punish children for seeking knowledge. in those cases I think we can generally say that withholding information is part and parcel of mistreatment. I assume, based on the rest of your ask, that this is the kind of behavior you mean when you talk about "purposefully" failing to provide sex ed.

but what counts as "purpose"? if a caregiver is otherwise meeting their kid's needs and not doing any cult shit but never raises the topic of sex ed because their kid never asked, or because they assumed that health class had it covered, or because they themself never got any decent sex ed and don't have anything particularly helpful to say, would we then call that neglect? I wouldn't, personally. it's nice when parents can, especially if their kids are coming to them with questions, but I also understand very well that the average parent is an extremely busy person who is doing their best and probably does not have any particularly thorough knowledge of sex. don't get me wrong, I have plenty of issues with how much sex negative behavior and general ick people learn from their families, but I can also recognize that this is a multigenerational cultural issue and that the parents are also the products of their own upbringings.

this is also a whole other tangent but I don't believe parents should be expected to be the primary vessel of knowledge for sex ed anyway, any more than they're expected to teach math or science. but I recognize that that's also a belief that requires schools to have mandatory, semester-long sex ed classes that are taught by a professional like any other subject and frankly the US is just not going to be there any time soon when Republicans are still trying to classify being a drag queen in front of a child as a sex crime.

tldr. it's complicated.

[ratlordsarah]

more word girl HCs bc this blog is going dry 💀

miss question, lady redundant woman, and Leslie have girls nights out, but they always end up where they wake up crawling out of a dumpster, wake up in a Forrest completely barefoot in 60 degree F weather swarmed by deer, makes it back to one of the three’s places, all of them drunk-crying about how much they love a dog they saw earlier, wake up with a new stray dog as a pet, or some other form of ominous nuanced way to end the night out. (You will have the time of your life)

Two brains def goes on long car rides during the summer as the sun sets, blasting 80s songs down the highway, and makes it back some time in the middle of the night (bro absolutely lives for that, he sings along with more passion than a passion fruit or something)

the girlie trio mentioned earlier, all 3 of them are abba girlies, no one can change my mind.

sometimes, the girl trio and two brains will do a mix of their activities, and they ride around and two brains is doing drifts all over the city while all 4 of them are singing whatta man by salt n pepa, at the top of their lungs

Charlie and meatloaf love doing anything involved with a disco party (they are 70s babies for life)

the show starts in august of 1999 and ends in February 2002

Toby sings along to all the Eminem songs, but can’t rap so it sounds more like a mumble

(Partly canon) miss question and Brent later get married and has a kid who is a very curious sandwich

chuck has the pack man maze burnt into his screen from playing it so much

Seymour and granny may are either half siblings, or cousins. (I gotta make them related, their chemistry would be absolutely legendary)

Seymour is OLDDD (at least in his 60s)

two brains knows how to speak mouse and because of this, he basically has the basement of his warehouse (or attic) dedicated to the rats and mice of fair city. (A majority of his friends are mice, he will hang out with some of them and genuinely forget they aren’t human)

due to the amount of trials two brains goes through each time he’s arrested, and sally botsford being the district attorney, two brains and sally actually become really good friends

two brains is actually really good at becoming genuine friends with people’s moms, it’s insane.

Timmy Tim Bo later makes a band where he’s a backup singer/ guitarist, and can do a little drums too.

Hal hardbargain and big left hand guy are both functional alcoholics

beau handsome’s parents are French, and is a victim of child acting.

lady redundant woman becomes a crazy cat lady, and adopts like 30 cats

(A lot of people I’ve seen has this hc, no idea where it originated from, but here we go) amazo guy’s name is Adam, and he definitely had a pet golden retriever

on the topic of that, I like to think he also is from lexicon, and he’s wordgirl’s biological father or uncle, and Steven’s original friendship with word girl was asked from amazo guy to try and get closer to his daughter/neice, but they all basically became the bestest of friends (and wordgirl looked up to both amazo and Steven very much)

I also feel like amazo (or Adam ) genuinely loves fighting crime, and basically is like Superman in fair city

fair city is either located in New Jersey or California

Steven’s sister is named Marcy, and his niece is named Maggie (called mags tho)

squeaky was genetically modified and his brain was basically originally fused with a psycho’s brain where it’s basically a human thinking mouse with mouse like tendencies, before Steven bought him, which is why he was on sale (for negative 200$)

The butcher would be girl dad of the year

when Steven is really angry (once in a life time) he does the Italian 🤌 thing, and he grew up in Brooklyn NY

due to him growing up in New York, two brains was certainly most pissed when 9/11 happened out of the villains

chuck grew up in Boston before his family moved to fair city about 7 years prior to the show

idk if I have previously said any of these in an earlier post, so sorry if I have lmao 💀

[rachiebeee]

some Leo headcanons I have

Leo doesn't know what day his birthday is. He knows its in July, but he hasn't done anything on it since he was 8 and he used to act like it was/wasn't on certain days based on how well they went (he thinks its the 7th, but he hates the number 7 so he ignores it).

Leo has stolen and crashed a police car. He will do it again.

Leo's mother and Aunt Rosa both had dreams from Gaea that told them Leo was going to kill Esperanza, but Esperanza took it as an "he'll do it on accident bc he doesn't know how to control his powers" and Rosa took it as "It's a sign from God and this child was sent by the devil".

He's asexual biromantic, but in love with the idea of being in love.

He learns a form of script-based magic - the same thing that is etched on each stone used for the Hecate cabin. Jo is his teacher, but when he visits camp all of the Hecate cabin are happy to help him too. He views it as a code instead of magic, and only ever uses it in the things he builds because he forgets it can be useful on its own.

He's a Fall out Boy stan. Loves all types of rock too, but FOB was his gateway into it.

Every time he went to a new school if they had a music program he could join for free he would. Originally he'd just choose a new instrument every school, but on his third try he learnt drums and decided to stick with it.

HIs eyes look like yooperlite while it's glowing, but more like burning coals while he's using his powers.

On that note, Leo's body temperature can be way hotter than the normal person's. On a normal day where he's fine in everyway, he's hot but not hot enough for people to think he's feverish. When he's excited his temperature rapidly increases, as it does with stress. When he forgoes sleeping his body forgets to regulate his temperature, which leads to him either going very cold or very hot.

He can't really get fevers at all really. It's also very hard for a lot of illnesses to effect him because half the time he burns it up before he even knows its there. When he does get sick it's really bad though, because his immune system is actually pretty weak.

Related to that, he is the only known person who can currently be a theoretical host to a thermophile virus. Not that he would, but it is a thought that has crossed his mind.

He has a hobby of making little robots. He makes Piper a bronze eagle one as a present and he slowly starts to make them for his friends

Annabeth gets a cat because he thinks she has cat vibes and an owl would be basic. Percy gets an otter because Leo did not want to think about making a robot fish that works well out of water. Frank gets a chameleon as a joke, but he makes it so it can turn into a small dragon too. Hazel gets a snake, again for the vibes. Nico gets a lizard. Just like, a nondescript lizard. He makes Reyna a bronze dog to "complete the metal set", but it's based of a Molossus of Epirus instead of a hound. Jo and Emmie get matching gryphons, and Georgina's little robot is a llama. Leo makes himself a wolf in honour of Jason.

On the topic of making things, Leo also gets really into all forms of metalsmithing. Which includes making jewellery, which leads to him getting a lot of piercings. Piper does too, because they went to go get the piercings together. He loves giving people little friendship bracelets, and charms, and ornaments. He makes people themed cutlery sets.

His love language is gift giving, if it's not obvious.

He stays in contact with Apollo, but in order to not upset Zeus they frame it as 'music lessons'. As the inventor of the Valdezinator (and its best player), it's a pretty good excused. Leo does make new instruments occasionally when they feel like they're pushing the 'lesson' excuse.

They fr just gossip during them though, and then give each other a scuffed form of therapy. They go from talks about petty drama to unanswerable philosophical discussions to jokes that make no sense.

[nnuanana]

It is very hard to let go of a connection that is a deep one.

It grew, even if one sided. It has been nourished, even if one sided. There's been a sacrifice, even if one sided. Engagement, even if one sided.

What sets our way of loving is our dedication right in the face of adversity.

If you haven't guessed it yet, I'm talking about Anuradha.

The epitomy of devotion. And obsessive stuff xoxo (for the sake of this post treat me as your best friend.. on steroids)

Deep need to understand another person. A person that not always is even worthy of such connection.

I'm talking for solely from my POV. Hopefully it's relatable :)

What happens when Anu native start pouring their love and devotion into a person that doesn't have the capacity to receive such amount of ourselves?

What happens when we notice our depth could never be matched, not like "reciprocated" but even received? And therefore recognized?

A hole of loneliness inside our hearts starts to form. We then start running, either to and from the person of said interest. This also can happen simultaneously. Lol

I recently experienced my first breakup.

I'm reflecting on it during these retrogrades and healing a lot.

But I do struggle at times, and at other times i feel so light and free. It's truly groundbreaking for me. Something I have never experienced before nor anticipated, but oh well, here we go.

It brings back a quote my bestie used to say a lot when she was moving on after her breakup and it was quite popular at the time. It definitely still is very true but now I'm seeing it differently than before.

"Healing isn't linear" I was cringing but okay I admit.. it's damn true.

I feel like on a rollercoaster!

But staying on topic of Anuradha - and my behaviour in that relationship.

One may ask why was I doing so much to a person (who was in big need) but then degraded me to their level? Which was very low.. Only to then deciding to throw me away like a trash :)

Believe or not it very much reminds me of the dynamic between Hailey and JB. (Interesting fact or maybe my observation and knowledge is that Sel and Hailey could be more compatible with each other than with JB but this irony is for a different story, what is also interesting is that it's a karmic pattern).

Basically, I see so much of what she's doing that is sometimes kind of misunderstood.. I feel sorry for her. I'm aware she wanted to be in this place and I mean good for her? I mean she's not miserable but that doesn't mean she's not mistaken about it..

Hailey is my age with the same sun nakshatra and like honestly every time I see her treating him so above herself (i see myself and my ex) I'm thinking girl, stop! every time she expresses any of her needs towards him.. I cringe, because this boy isn't getting it. Or maybe he actually gets it but treats like a free service. It happens and it's no one's fault but Anu native that lost touch with themselves. Welp. To be looked after and protected like she does him? Completely out of.. okay, so how it looks like from my pov is: I'm sure she feels and knows his insecurities (everything at this point) and because of that is trying to literally cover him with herself every time. Even tho she knows and is fully aware of the consequences. Still, she gets ignored despite all her efforts.

It's like the more we try to prove we can fight for our person the stronger we appear but the irony here is, this fight is happening precisely with our person.

If only she'd (and me) realise that in time. What a waste, truly. But you best believe when I tell you she made a choice, and me too. And then I changed it.

Ultimately, I can't judge. That's what I was doing as well. A bit less dramatically, I was also never much of a stalker (lol) bc I'm more of an unaware and naive airhead, but still.

Another thing is that in all honesty this obsession has root in a genuine and pure feelings of devotion. So if people want to call it that, let it be.

We've been educated now and we know there's a fine line between the two. If this has any connection with Anuradha then newsflash, it's just what is gonna happen.

Anu natives are protective like that.Even to our own demise.. well, maybe it gets better after 30 we'll see.

Because when it comes to people we decide on, it can't be stopped. It rarely is. Leave it until it burns out. Every flame has it's end when neglected.

I could also say that from my experience I just wanted to prove a point. Oh, so very much.

What is also not helping AT ALL is this heart shattering and overwhelming jealousy that's the size of our loyalty. (Might I repeat myself, pretty big stuff)

As much as it burns the heart inside, in some sad cases (karmic especially) it binds our hearts even strongly to the abuse. Until..

What ultimately helped me was the person expressing the want to break up, and I've lifted the idea up entirely. Let's do this. (That was my pride awakening)

At first I was so offended. And then what surprised me was the good old "after all this that I did for you?" I never thought I would say that kinda cliche thing but oh well. You live you learn you experience. And also yes, I've done a lot, I've completely forgotten about myself for you etc. Shame but whatever.

Anuradha mentality is like "I'll do anything for you"

And in the most noble way it appears to a person like brining heaven to earth or making the earth heaven. When it is a healthy relationship then chances of such events are more likely. But in the worst case when both are unevolved it appears almost like y'all on a freak show; serving with no dignity or respect towards oneself. And at this point I think we've reached the breaking point. Or me. Subconsciously I was indeed done with this relationship.

So now in my last act I'll do it "for you" and after we can take our leave.

I just want you to be happy, even if it's not with me.

Another cliche line is in my head now

"I needed to lose you to love me, yehh"

How it's all making sense now haha

[churipu]

rules !

( 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖 )

I.) basic dni criteria , do not go into my ask to excessively hate on me or my writings ★ my blog is a sfw blog, so please refrain from requesting anything related to nsfw or 18+ topics.

II.) (feel free to block me and do not interact with me if you support isr@el) // you like reading and writing shit like incest, stepcest, p links post (especially with minor characters) — in other words, i'm telling you to go seek help. ty.

[ ✓ ] i write my requests based on who requested first, so if yours is taking long, just know that i'm not ignoring nor deleting your request (sometimes i accidentally put your requests on the queue list — and i don't know how to edit it, so your request will still be posted in the form of a screenshot! sorry) -> update: i finally know how :D !

[ ✓ ] if your request hasn't been posted for a long time, I apologize but it probably means that i'm not going to write it. but for specific reasons, either i didn't know the prompt you're referring to or i just didn't know how to write the prompt. i'm sorry :(

III.) my works are completely sfw, suggestive at most. they are appropriate for people 16+.

( 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 )

I.) i absolutely hate blocking people, but i'm setting boundaries to my blog and i as a person, so please respect that.

blocked ! i will not hesitate to block the accounts who are as the following criteria:

[ ✓ ] if you make and post porn links, HARD BLOCK. idk why they're even a thing, no offense lol. i don't mind if you write / reblog nsfw works (as long as they don't contain illegal things) bcs that's up to you really, but porn links are different and they're a big ick.

[ ✓ ] blank blogs. blank blogs. blank blogs. at least put your age, please. convince me that you are not a bot.

[ ✓ ] if you're here to hate on my writing — especially when you decide to hide behind the anon feature to do so. i mean, if you have anything to say to me, the least you could do is to have the balls to say it directly to me without hiding behind the anon feature, thankies <33

[ ✓ ] incest/step-cest, that shit is weird as hell. don't even try lol, i'm not even asking anymore atp, i'm implying for you to go get help if you write + read those.

[ ✓ ] i hope you know the difference between constructive criticism and straight on hating. i appreciate constructive criticism of my writing and how i can grow my blog — but i do wish you won't straight up blow hate on me and hide behind "constructive criticism", because honestly, that's just embarrassing :(

[ ✓ ] plagiarism. plagiarism. plagiarism. pretty self-explanatory. just no.

( 𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃 )

I.) my first language is not english, i apologize for any grammar mistakes or typos! do tell me if you see any mistakes so i can immediately correct it, thank you.

II.) my blog and i am pro palestine. i reblog support to palestine a lot, block me immediately if you support isr@el in any kind of form and way ! thank you very much.

III.) i do not want to write smut for this blog, so please do not send in requests that contain smut for any characters in any kind of way. i'm honestly fine with a little suggestiveness, but full on smut is just a big no to me as of now (bcs i can't write them lmao), sorry :((

IV.) i try to keep the reader in my fics gender neutral, but if they're not, the gender of the reader will be said at the top.

V.) i don't have an updating schedule, i try to update at least once after a day. i'm currently in my fourth semester of uni, and things are currently a little hectic — but i'm trying to fit in updating daily into my schedule, so please refrain from rushing me to update. thank you!

VI.) DO NOT spam like please. tumblr will probably think that my account is a bot and possibly put me in the shadow realm :/ likes + reblogs are very appreciated, thank you :(

VII.) hate anons / cowards who hide behind the anon feature will be deleted (or posted) none in between lmao

VIII.) mutuals that want to cut contact with me -> keep in mind to HARD BLOCK my account, don't soft block me or unfollow me and just leave it at that. HARD BLOCK ME.

[ ✓ ] keep in mind that if i hard block any of you to cut the mutual line, do not try to reach me out from another account because you'll be blocked in that account as well.

[ ✓ ] i don't block people without a reason — if i block you, there must have been a reason to WHY i did that. that's your part to find out why though, because i don't want anything else to do with you.

[ ✓ ] please do not associate me with people i used to follow / supported before or were mutuals before, i associate with people i follow NOW. thank you :)

[ ✓ ] if you think i've blocked you but you don't post any contents included in my blocklist or you don't fit in those criteria, please try to reach out through another account and i will apologize sincerely for my mistake + unblock your other account.

( 𝐃𝐌𝐬 )

I.) if you have a problem with me, i appreciate if you reach out to me through my dms :)

II.) i am open to talk about anything as long as you're respectful, but please don't interact with me if you are under the age of 16.

( 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐘 )

I.) i hope you enjoy my writings, do tell me and educate me nicely if i do anything wrong! thank you.

[ ✓ ] i do appreciate it if you tell me about problematic blogs whose works i have reblogged or am currently associated with too, i don't really keep up with a lot of things and tend to follow up really late and i would usually find out WHEN things appear in my dashboard. if my ask box is closed, please reach out to me through my dms ! thanks !

© CHURIPU 2024 . hope you follow my rules before interacting !

finished reading? you can now proceed to my masterlist !

[low-empathy-advocacy]

i am going to be brave and be off anon; i had a question about low empathy so, whenever someone in my family died, a lot of people would be really sad, even if it was someone they didnt really know. when i learned of any death, close or distant, i never really felt anything about it. i just saw it as another part of life and not something to be necessarily sad over. same goes for mass death: i dont really feel any sympathy/empathy (what i do feel is anger/frustration that its going on, but i wouldnt describe the feeling as empathy) additionally, i take a class at my school where we do counseling sessions with other students, as a way to get professional counseling with someone your age. a lot of the work we focus on is around empathy, and that work is really hard for me, mainly bc 1. i always found the concept of "putting yourself in another person's shoes" hard, because i cant visualize well, and 2. whenever someone had a problem on a topic that i already wasnt strong on (e.g. friendship/relationship issues), i would have a hard time helping them because i cant relate to them or give them any support on that front, and i feel awful about that so my question is, is that low empathy? or am i just kind of a jerk??? idk man i come off rude to a lot of people bc of this

hi! it may be low empathy, and it doesn't make you a jerk.

in case of death, it may also include dissociation. dissociation may cause numbness and lack of emotional response to the heavy situation. dissociation is a defensive mechanism that protects the person from suffering, and it's very logical and natural to experience it in stressful situations. i don't say that you must be dissociating, but it's also possible with or without low empathy (i experience both, so i usually come off as numb/distant/cold in emotionally loaded and/or stressful situations).

your experience with counseling sounds like having low empathy. putting yourself in other's shoes is basically a definition of cognitive empathy.

and nothing above makes you a bad person. it's ok to have low empathy. it's ok to dissociate (if you do). it's ok to feel little/nothing in any situation. you don't owe your feelings to anyone. it's very possible to do needed things, help people, support people, and be nice independently of feelings. you may feel little/nothing and still provide support. you may feel little/nothing and still fight with injustice. you may do anything. feelings is only one way of motivation, you may have other ways. feelings aren't better than other reasons for doing things.

and it's okay if you can't help people with some questions. you may redirect them to someone who knows more and is able to help. you don't have to be able to help everyone. it's impossible. everyone have some things they can help with and some things they can't help with. it doesn't make you a bad counselor, it makes you a person. a person with your own area of knowledge and competence.

[pocket-vvardvark]

Ty for the tag: @skyrim-forever @lillxart @theoneandonlysemla @dirty-bosmer ♥️♥️♥️♥️

Its very late, but I'd like to tag: @fangsandsoftgrass @aviel-the-trans-bucket @aanthirin @hircines-hunter @sanza-17 no pressure, I love you all ♥️🐸

Topic: This week, Sujamma wants to know about YOUR OC's special someone. What makes their relationship special? How did they meet? Were they enemies to lovers? Lovers to enemies? Lovers AND Enemies? Are they romantic or platonic? What's their favorite way to cuddle? Favorite date night? Anything and everything you can think of 💕

Hmmm, I have a hard time thinking about this because I'm still not sure how I want Alethia to meet Fenn lol. On the other hand, everyone knows how Angelica met Verandis lol-by inserting herself into his life 🤪

I went crazy, so it's under the cut bc it's so damn long

Alethia has always gotten visions from Mara, but they were never about potential lovers. Sometime after the whole thing going on in Elsewyr, Alethia comes back to Western Skyrim to grieve. Her mourning is interrupted by the events of the Harrowstorm DLC, and she meets Fennorian for the first time. For a moment, she hesitates, completely struck by an electric feeling while visions pass. She's stunned-watching him with her mouth open as she watches Fennorian in awe. Neither him or Shelaria notice, so she pulls herself together and battles ensue while she tries to act normal lol. It takes a very long time for their relationship to even happen. Alethia bottles those feelings up, and paired with her low self-worth, it only gets worse until she's stopped taking her medicine. After the latest DLC, she's a wreck, coughing on her bathroom floor as she loses consciousness. Fennorian had sensed something was wrong earlier, and decides to check on her. He smells the blood, and hurries to her side. Words are said, and honestly he's a bit angry with her for acting like she is, but finally he tells her how he feels. I think it's sort of funny Fennorian tells her how he feels, since I don't think he's ever taken the initiative on something like this. Its raw, but very meaningful. Things are still hard after; Alethia is not used to being in a relationship, even if she loves Fenn. So basically it goes from friends -> close friends -> lovers (but we don't know what we're doing lol) I can imagine Alethia loves speaking with Fenn about alchemy ingredients, sciency sort of topics too. Not particularly devout, I would think maybe Fenn might be interested in Alethia's faith. She's a cuddler for sure, I would think that happens most after some big event where she just snuggles into his bed. 

Things are different with Angelica and Verandis. Honestly, idk how they're gonna end up, but as of right now they're getting closer. Angelica purposely inserted herself into his life, and Verandis is very wary of her. At first it's very cautious. Despite the intimate relations, both of them try to keep each other at a distance, until Angelica becomes irritated with it. In between their liaisons, she's been working on something of a 'cure' specifically for House Ravenwatch vampires. Some sort of elixir that improves their strength, without the need of blood--thats the elixir's job; to provide sustenance. Still not sure on the specifics, but it's her ticket into his life. It becomes a lot more meaningful after the first big event where she loses her arm. She's quite lost after that, and I imagine something blossoms between them. Probably goes something like not really friends(??) with benefits -> friends?? -> allies -> romance!! -> lovers <3 When things finally get romantic, I'd imagine Angelica would really enjoy walks along the beaches of Summerset. Like her sister, she'd probably appreciate time with Verandis in the laboratory; something where they're working together. Angelica has difficulty sleeping (due to the sheer number of souls/spirits she carries around with her) so, I could imagine Verandis lulling her to sleep.

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

Some Personal Thoughts on Disability in Enstars

disclaimer: disability is a very broad term that covers many different experiences. i will be talking about physical disabilities since i feel most comfortable doing so/have experience with them. obviously that ignores a Huge part of what disability and chronical illness is and can be. but i think it is beyond my capabilities to talk about experiences i don't know much about.

alt caption: i think ritsu is a good character and im trying to explain to myself why

this is sort of a long post, sorry.

content warnings: i talk about ableism and touch on related topics such as dehumanization and objectification and such below. individual parts of this post have their own cw's.

Enstars Writing, Beloathed

to get this out of the way; it is bad sometimes. this is discussed very often. it doesnt depend on the authors either, in my opinion, some writers will hit you with something really troublesome only to (seemingly accidentally) invent human emotion and compassion in a different story. i dont want to repeat what others have said eloquently but there is a fair amount of imperialist worldviews, xenophobia, just racism really, transphobia, ableism, and copaganda to be found in enstars. this isnt about x character being x thing, but about how it is very noticable when the author of a story holds these worldviews and they bleed into their stories.

so that is not the greatest foundation if youre looking for well-written disabilities. but i wouldnt be reading enstars if i didnt think it genuinely is really really good sometimes. in my opinion, the way disabilities are portrayed is a mixed bag overall but there are some extremely worthwhile bits that touched me quite a lot.

What I personally understand as Well-Written Disability

the way disabled people suffer often goes unnoticed, and disabled people dont have a platform to talk about oppression. a lot of life-changing issues can go unnoticed to those unnaffected by them, even if they are in broad daylight: underfounded or entirely lacking healthcare, the way many healthcare systems are marketbased and ethics are prone to suffer bc of this (even under 'welfare' capitalism), a lack of equal marriage, the inaccessibility of the most basic and necessary facilities, financing care and the dependency on family/loved ones (both a logistical and psychological problem), the huge stigma against disabled people, etc, etc, you get me....

we need to write about people who need care, to keep them in mind at all times. disabled people are not a minority in a mathematical sense but in a hierarchical sense. it is naive to think of them as "a substancial percentage" of populations. as we age, we inevitably all enter the stage of needing care at some point. SO to an extend, i want to claim its a topic that affects every single person. yet disabled people are rarely a central topic anywhere. it is not enough to acknowledge them, we need to plan and think with them in mind. and Write with them in mind, i guess.

SO when i see fiction grapple the topic, i am usually really happy, even if the portrayal isnt ideal. (critical, maybe, but generally speaking very happy) pointing out "badly" written disabled characters is obviously not as easy as calling someone out for uncritically saying "i think eugenics are a good idea!!!" through fiction. people with that sort of facist mindset exist of course but ableism does not end there.

if i were to single out things i see often: i think the most disappointing thing a story can do is to - mention a disability without it ever having an impact on people in the story (-> the disability is basically nonexistent, has no impact or relevance, outside of a theoretical mention) OR - uncritically use a disabled character as a mere plot devise, without granting them the ability to speak (-> dehumanization, a lack of understanding that disabled people are, well, People. they do shit.)

and then of course there is fetishization, both in a literal sense and in an inspiration porn sense and the problem of turning disability into a caricature for jokes (either to other disabled people for their behaviour/body or to create a sense of satisfying superiority by laughing at them) but i feel like those problems explain themselves.

to apply these to very basic examples: i think often something like a robotic sci-fi prosthetic is not a good way to represent a disability because it fails to represent what people go through irl and provides a "magic fix" without repercussions. here is a really good post about it. about the plot device issue... i think it is similar to what people often criticise as "manpain". a disabled person will never appear or speak, they are demoted to being the reason an able-bodied character acts a certain way, like a lifeless accessory. this doesnt always have to be bad, esp if its just a sideplot! but it can get tiring if the audience never gets to learn about other aspects of the unseen character in question and we are only introduced to their suffering.

all of this to talk about gacha idol boys. it is how it is. anyway, this is roughly my mental state when i tackle enstars.

disclaimer 2: i am really just a kogaP. this influences which characters i encounter when reading. there are tons of stories i just never looked at and there is SO MUCh lore i just dont know about. please lemme know if you have additions to stuff i say/understand a character better/have related story recommendations! tl;dr the sakuma bit will be long.

disclaimer 3: i genuinely adore every single character mentioned below and am always excited to learn smth new about them. if i criticize writing, that has nothing to do with that character or their fans. it is about the writers.

the most obvious example. Eichi (content warning for brief mentions of self harm and suicidal ideation)

everything eichi does, he does with the knowledge he will most likely die young. that is a truly dramatic setup.

but before i get back to that thought. it always felt to me like eichis illness(/es) lack a certain sense of conciseness? i do not think you need to put a name and diagnosis on it for it to be relatable and real to readers, tbh!! though to achieve believability, there needs to be a good amount of consistency. what i can recall off the top of my head is the following:

he breaks down/straight up blacks out frequently due to weakness and dizzyness

measures were taken to secure his safety in those situations (the infamous Eichi-kun Gauge as seen in Element)

his stamina is seriously low

he coughs a lot

we saw him cough up blood (Daydream)

he relies on long hospital stays because his health needs to be monitored and/or supported this closely

he stays inside a lot (hinting towards problems with his immune system?)

being healthy enough to eat unhealthy food is a big deal to him, so there are dietary restrictions/it was necessary to precisely control what he eats

his grandfather, who died recently, is considered an outlier for how long he lived (so it IS hereditary)

which..... could be a lot of things...? or, more likely: a culmination of many things at once. if you have headcanons on eichis health, please lemme know!

but in addition to eichis terminal illness, there is a second quality to him that separates him from most disabled people: he is extremely wealthy. and his wealth is fundamentally important to stories. usually illness and poverty go hand in hand, since income is tied to the ability to work, which worsens an already bad situation. no matter how limited eichis actions are because of his body, the possibilties offered by his wealth make him a central figure in every overarching plot. in addition to this, his family is well aware of his consitution and he is a patriarchal leading figure to them, the head to their coporate hierachy. eichi is free of the things that usually rid the chronically ill of their safety and power: society (he is an idol and popular) and money (he is the richest boy in japan). if youd ask me, i think that while being chronically ill is of course physically taxing, the worse problem is the economic state it puts you in. eichi simply overcomes this? yes, he is terminally ill, his situation is terrifying. but he has an extraordinary amount of control while he lives. more than a poor yet able-bodied person may have.

his unique circumstances enable him to be incredibly active. this is so fun to read about in my opinion. its a fascinating setup to me. without casting any sort of moral judgement on his actions and the antagonistic role he plays; he is, excuse me for my phrasing here, a disabled power fantasy. (at least to me)

this is a double-edged sword to him. because of who he is as a person (ambitious, cunning, ruthless, diligent)

he lives in relative safety but his strong ambition and financial ability to fulfill his dreams tempt him to go past his limits. because his remaining lifetime is uncertain, the need to preserve the body he is given seems uneconomical (a mindset his upbringing and education as an heir to his family would have enforced imo) he is bound to break down sooner or later anyway. i think he begins to see himself and his body as a tool to achieve his goals and neglects spending time on anything BUT working towards them. so the moment he runs out of goals (like at the end of Element), his reason to "remain" becomes futile.

it really struck with me how he appears in Blackbird - emaciated, pathetic, purposefully neglected because he chose to be neglected and weak in an act of self harm bc denying medical attention (something that couldnt have happened otherwise) wataru has to remind him that no one died and the obvious connection to make is that the eccentrics are physically unharmed and starting over, that they should not be a source of guilt to eichi. but i think this is just as much about eichi himself. he might have expected to die since he left the hospital and overexhausted himself at school and as an idol. he didnt die though. it was a real possibility and seemed likely but he didnt. the neglect and indirect self harm here point out, to me, that he saw the "role" he gave himself as fulfilled at that point and waited to die.

eichi stands over economic or social factors that could ostracize and dehumanize him but funnily enough he manages to do so himself by treating his body as a tool and his happiness as an option that got overshadowed by a need to succeed.

this vulnerability makes him, despite how vague the descriptions of his illness are and despite how unrelatable his wealth is, a very satisfying character imo. it is engaging to me. certain limits are removed for him but he created new ones, specifically because he did not see himself as something worth sustaining once he becomes useless. imo, eichi applied the idea that a lifes worth can be measured in its ability to function in an industry to himself. and spiralled over it, entirely inverting his uncanny amount of bodily autonomy. it is clear how the situation he is in worsens his mental health like that. and how his mental health in turn worsens his physical health. it is inseperable.

i cant really get into !! era eichi because i genuinely just dont... know enough. the fine tradition of having a weekly H-Day stands out, though. after all, eichi has new bigger ambitions and is, once again, inviting his own ruin through overexhaustion. so his friends (the new addition of having friends is essential) had to forcefully make him stop for at least one day a week. that is pretty big. i think.

this is true for many marginalized existences so it of course applies to disabled people: if neither your surroundings nor yourself permit you to feel human and therefore assign your person an inherent worth and lovability... sometimes you need a friend to do so!!! social circles are the best support structure for your health.

The Sakuma Family

(i will get into ritsu and rei seperately later on. there are just a few concepts i want to get out of the way that apply to both of them.)

so... to get a little theoretical; the concept of "disability" relies on the concept of a "normative" human existence. "disability" is an otherness and can therefore easily be seen as a "monstrocity" in the eyes of ignorant people, something that instils fear. (there is a reason why a lot of horror exploits disabled bodies as a source of terror and uses mental hospitals as settings) from an able-bodied point of view it seems "desirable" to be a "normative human", yet the disabled person knows that is not a possibility and knows their worth and place as a human in human spaces. at least ideally. able-bodied people sometimes lack this understanding. there is nothing to be desired about an able body or fixed about a disabled body, beyond what medical care can do for ones quality of life.

if you have read operetta, this is all very familiar;

operetta, chapter 17 and, well, here we are. vampires. a very basic truth about the sakuma family that i hate to see denied is that they are human. there is nothing supernatural about them. they are just disabled. or, to turn the idea around, if one was to assign them vampiristic traits and such... is vampirism not a disability and should be taken seriously as such? if you consider the limits a vampire has while coordinating through their life, is that not... strangely just a disabled experience? (MINUS THE KILLING PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY but much modern fiction is sympathetic towards vampires instead and does not display them as violent)

anyway, to hear it from the horses mouth (the horse is rei):

operetta, chapter 19 the sakuma family is a curious case. their condition is hereditary though the severity varies from person to person. it comes up in many stories but for the most part i am thinking about operetta, resurrection sunday, and devils right now. how did this all start? what made an entire family turn to live as vampires, with blood ceremonies and all that? what bizarre kind of generational trauma is this?

(and, while it does not play a role as important as it did for eichi, they are rich. this is important to mention. many normal experiences just dont apply to them because wealth makes them immune. ... how did the sakumas become this influential anyway.)

for an unspecified but long time, an entire family managed to mentally entirely seperate themselves from the rest of humanity because of their chronical illness. personally, i have no doubt this is the result of a world that othered them first. whether the main motivator at play here is a defensiveness towards a society that cannot understand you or an internal need to turn hardships into an identity that can be carried with pride. it takes a considerable amount of emotional strength and planning for the "hey we are human actually" declaration in operetta to occur.

they are, weirdly, what people mean when they talk about a "toxic anti-recovery mindset". (an expression i struggle with because this sort of rhetoric is often used to discriminate against disabled people who speak up for themselves or ask for accomodations. but that aside) it is an amount of pride that leads to internal self destruction.

of course, as is the case with every single character i write about in this post, a lot of it has to do with aesthetics and being chuuni to sell gacha cards. so we know the reason behind the reason. but it makes for some bizarre in-universe implications.

but in any case, the fact that their identity as false vampires is something they have always carried, that modern society sees as "mystical and sexy" has a hilarious side effect: their disability becomes marketable under the guise of vampirism. it is hard to recover from that.

so again, we have a double-edged sword: to present ones medical condition as a "persona" declares it as a performative act, something that is done to bring joy to an audience. personal detriment is not considered here, since it stops being a part of ones being and starts to become "work". the time and place of ones symptoms has to overlap with the time and place of ones performances. or people will hate you for your uncontrollable illness. however, rei and ritsu are both also able to carry their condition with a sort of playfulness. it is almost something like the act of "reclaiming" when they purposefully choose to larp a little for fun. usually, when a scene mentions their disability in the context of comic relief, they have control over the situation that unfolds and even initiate it and invite others to laugh alongside them. this can be a slippery slope to getting harrassed of course.... but i am rather baffled by the amount of dominance they have in social interactions. so it just reads as a healthy amount of dark humour to me.

this, and the consistent writing of their symptoms, and the ability to easily compare it to real existing illnesses, easly make them my favourite instance of written disabled people in the series. their illness has an impact on their behaviour and it is detrimental! and they are both very human in the way they attempt to cope. there is a certain realism to it. idek.

many people seem to headcanon them with myalgic encephalomyelitis, which is a really good explanation, and i personally want to suggest narcolepsy. the point being, there is room to accurately assign them a realistic relatable and understandable condition, even if nothing is ever named in canon. and of course they are mentioned to have an iron deficiency.

bear with this slightly "out there" theory for a moment: have you or a friend ever tried to get a compensation for your disadvantage at school or uni? it can be really hard to do, if it is possible at all, even if it is something very simple (more time, a slightly different enviroment, the ability to drink or sit, etc) yumenosaki is a school for performance arts, mainly idols. bold statement: it might genuinely be easier to get/explain an accommondation for your "idol quirk" (something that would be actively fostered), than for your disability. not that yumenosaki is very strict or asks for a lot anyway, its just something that has been on my mind.

here is another funny thing i have been thinking about: both of them crave juice, soda, and fruit - sugary yet fresh stuff. i feel like this is not uncommon for people who suffer from excessive tiredness and fatigue, the body subconsciously wishes for some sugar intake to "wake up".

Inventing a Guy to Cope. Rei

funny title aside... he... did that... ? rei is a curious example of how different mostly unrelated traumas can overlap. he had no childhood, thanks to his family that considered him "mature" at a very young age and his early status as a child star. and his bad health is a miserable addition to this. it is quite scary to image how pressured to do right he felt growing up and how that resulted in the fragmented distanced way he views himself; reinventable, and ultimately unknowable. (to others AND himself)

despite his bad health he has always been working and performing "well". he was praised for his remarkable talents but rarely had the chance to stop and patch himself up. whether this was a result of a pushy enviroment or his personality as a people pleaser who cannot show weakness and imperfection is hard to tell. maybe both.

the state he is in in Crossroad is fascinating to me. he all but directly lists the criteria of depression to keito when he attempts to explain his sorrows. he is restless, rowdy, mentions later on that he enrolled in yumenosaki against his familys wishes. he is very much searching for joy and his own identity in the middle of a health emergency. this has to do with the way he was raised, only knowing how to exist for and serve others, how he was made to sell a made-up version of himself, but i also believe it has to do with the fact he has started to exclude himself from his familys traditions and values. he started to cast away the uncertain "monstrosity" existence of his family (as well as the false idolhood others assigned him) and instead embraces humanity as a chronically ill person.

crossroad, i forgor which chapters

this of course marks a starting point of change that later results in him making up the wagahai pronouns persona - something he specifically created with the intention of looking vulnerable and weak. because he yearned to do less, to recover from years of exhaustion.

in a way, i want to say both, the ore pronouns persona and the wagahai pronouns persona, are attempts to cope with expectations he cannot handle physically or mentally. one relies on masking, on appearing stronger than he actually is and therefore invulnerable, and the other relies on exaggerating his weakness, in an attempt to finally let others recognize it. i think as a disabled person, both are performances one has to learn in order to "function" in everyday life, while remaining safe from serious harm (doing badly at ones job or classes, angering others that hold power over your life). since ones circumstances are often hard to grasp for someone who does not share the same illness, there is no choice but to simplify and exaggerate until symptoms become tangible concepts or to just brave through it, at the cost of ones health and future time.

rei in particular, for better or for worse, is incredibly capable when he needs to be and unfortunately that means others will often not take his health seriously because they saw him function just fine the other day. this is a general problem but an obvious offender in that regard is koga, who comments on reis fatigue constantly and loves to create a bit of a high expectations toxic work enviroment (and, to be fair, rei terrorizes him too. kogas hostility towards rei is sometimes ableist but not really rooted in ableism. after all koga is highly aware how performative the wagahai persona can be and is a huge motivational and inspirational factor in reis life. its a whole complex)

!! era holds some positive changes. his mental need to please other people remains a persistent source of trouble for him (and others) but he seems to really let his body recover and lives a more nocturnal life. both kuro and kaoru mention that he looks more healthy (in succession match???? i think??) since he finally stopped enforcing a normal day/night cycle on his body just to comply with social norms. you can indeed be very human even if you break human-made rules.

(additional comment: "becoming human" is of course a theme for each of the eccentrics and not uniquely tied to disability, it very much has to do with the objectification one goes through as a public figure. but this is a post about disability and it really fits in well. so here we go)

Literally Just a Realistic Teenager. Ritsu

ritsu, while not really being among my favourite characters, is my favourite instance of a disabled character in enstars. partly because of his writing and partly because my personal experiences overlap with his so much it sometimes is painful - but always extremely satisfying. just had to get that out.

ritsu is perhaps the most visibly ill. he blacks out and sleeps where he stands, everywhere, without control and often requires other peoples (well, mostly maos) assistance in order to remain safe when this happens. he also repeated a year of school, specifically because of his disability.

he is painfully aware of this. that he looks ill, that he behaves ill, that he is an underachiever compared to others of the same age, even to people younger than him.

ritsu developed unique behaviours to deal with this: he is very dependent and clingy and often asks others to do things for him, unapologetically. that does not mean asking for help doesnt hurt his pride, just that it is the most viable strategy for everyday survival that he ended up with. other than that, he clings more to the vampire identity than rei does. either to defy his older brother or, and this is important imo, because it is the one safety net he has to fall back on that makes him feel "normal" and like he is a regular being. albeit not human. no matter how much others might blame him for his shortcomings or how much he is a failure in the eyes of society, he is very regular for a "vampire". under the logic developed by his family, he is just a child, and the world at large is to blame. it is an easier truth to accept than facing systematic injustice and prejudice in a human world.

the stories i mentioned in another part above aside, i really love what ensemble band does for him; ritsu gets extremely irritated with mao in the prologue, seemingly out of nowhere. his character is allowed to express this sort of anger and to take it out on others, even if it is unjust and misguided. it is not pretty and it isnt good behaviour but it is a very heartfelt emotion to me.

its obvious that he cannot compete with others and that this will always been seen as his personal fault instead of a circumstance he cannot influence. and more than that: no one appreciates the real efforts he makes. for instance, getting himself out of bed in time for classes is difficult for regular teenagers and straight up hellish for ritsu. but he manages to do so a lot later on. instead of acknowledging that this is a real accomplishment on his part and possibly really exhausting and bad for his comfort in the long run, this is seen as doing the bare minimum.

while it is not correct, the malice ritsu sometimes treats others with comes from an comprehensible place. able-bodied ignorance can appear as purposeful slights made by those more privileged than him.

yet he learns to conform. his friends are important to him. knights success is important to him. (thought mental health probably played a role here too and made things even harder prior to his third year of high school) and yet;

seven bridge, chapter 24, but its really just an example i had at hand

the remarks stay the same. his peers still cannot help but brand him as "just lazy", even if they are kind and understanding otherwise and habour no ill intent. so i would like to ask: how long can he keep this up? how hard is this on him?

i dont think i need to explain just how common and hurtful it is to be accused of "laziness". probably the single most irritating comment someone with fatigue will hear every single day.

however, on the flipside, ritsu has perhaps the most people who care for him in comparison with other characters, though they sometimes complain (communication is hard, care is hard, everyone in enstars is very young and i cannot bring myself to see those comments as malice. its a mixture of ignorance and ones own burdens) there is mao, obviously. tsumugi is a very funny example. knights, of course, in particular naru. (at least based on my humble knights readings)

quite interesting how he just decided mao is his caretaker, now and in the future. i shared a few of my thoughts on caretaking here. this is.... a huge responsibility to just put on someones shoulders, to say the least. he shouldnt be doing this but i think it speaks for itself that this is a problem that is on his mind. ITS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT TOPIC TO BRING UP, especially since, the younger you are, the harder it is to get insurance to pay for your care. yes, he is often just teasing mao, but ritsu is looking for ways to get through life. by learning to be as independent as possible, whenever possible. though often you really just find yourself at the mercy of friends and family.

Inter-Sibling Violence

apologies, i will be done with the sakumas soon. i didnt know how to fit this in at the start.

the relationship between rei and ritsu, as people with the same disability who experiences different symptoms and challenges, is worth thinking about. infighting within people of the same disability is very common since experiences can be so different, there are no universal truths or opinions. with different lifestyles come different expectations for what is "normal" and sometimes pressure and social norms can cause someone to shift blame onto others who have no achieved the same things in life.

rei and ritsu are said to have been very close as small children and likely depended on each other a lot. i can see how reis fostering nature and ritsus needy nature developed alongside each other and enforced each other.

time and time again, rei says that he is a "less severe" case, that ritsu has it worse. he jets around the world because he feels forced to do so, when ritsu just wanted emotional support from him to begin with. ritsu stayed alone at home, sheltered and likely caged by their families convictions. but! i want to suggest the following: as much as it hurt him, it was important for reis health to be away from his family, too. i dont think staying there would have been good for him. his absence and the experiences he made away from home were an important catalyst for the positive family development we see in operetta.

of course, rei means well. he cares. he is trying to have a positive impact. yet from ritsus point of view, all of this must feel terribly condescending, especially with how much rei babies him. there is just one year between them. this is barely anything when it comes to sibling inferiority complexes the brain can make up. rei, who is successful and famous and beloved and, most importantly, proclaims to have it "easier than him", is trying to find a cure for him. from ritsus point of view this must be unbearable. their lives are so different when they basically started at the very same point of origin.

more than that, rei shoulders the sketchy blood rituals himself, out of love of course, but if one was more jaded, one could assume he doesnt think ritsu would be able to stomach the responsibility.

you will always compare yourself to your siblings in unhealthy ways but ritsu is just doing this on hard mode, i fear.

HHHRAGAHHHH GHHH ghgghrhgh. Niki

nikis writing is... driving me up a wall sometimes, to say the least. dont get me wrong, i love him. to an extend i understand that his single-mindedness and shallowless has purpose to it. in fact, i adore these character traits. he really seems to be behind four mental barriers at all times, unable to let deeper thoughts touch him, lest they make him succumb to despair. (yet nikis specific flavour of menhera cannot quite shine since... well, he has to stand next to himeru all the time)

the descriptions we get of nikis illness are nonsensical, at least to my knowledge. you could imagine he has something like hyperthyroidism. this never really gets explored though. at some point ENGstars mentions he has "gastroptosis or whatever" (the "or whatever" is part of his dialogue - niki really doesnt give a fuck), which makes no sense at all. weirdly enough, it would even be strangely in character if this was just a misconception.

so, can anyone take niki to a doctor? has this happened and i just wasnt there for it? there is no excuse why no one is considering medical care when it comes to him. except that he often is the butt monkey of jokes the writers want to make and has to stay available for it. more than that; his parents just left him alone like this? as a child? did he get an allowance at least? this cannot be legal, right? i wait for the day this comes up as a topic but i fear it is in vain. (please tell me if it actually did. i dont follow niki that closely) this is an unbelievable thing to do to a healthy child, yet alone one with a severe illness. we are basically looking at denial of assistance.

so many things surrounding nikis story are designed to make him as miserable as possible. i cannot help but feel that he exists purely as comic relief, for funny bickering, and superficial drama. i dont really like that at all, his misery just gets exploited.

EVEN SO... his self-image is actually really fascinating. as rinne likes to point out again and again, niki has no self-worth. he works two jobs, one of which he hates, he constantly gets into dangerous situations, and he will do anything just for some crumbs, and quickly forgets when others treat him badly. and of course, the worst bit:

es!! main story, please dont make me go find it

to some degree, he just accepts this as something he deserves. there is no consideration for his own quality of life, somewhere along the lines it seems like he got conviced just surviving is all he gets. he internalized self-degredation to a dangerous degree and i never see anyone mention this mental affliction specifically as a comorbidity of his disability. to me, there is without a doubt a relation here. sure, maybe he would still fight with this otherwise, just because he had to witness his fathers fall from grace as a child and knows there is a stigma attached to his name now. but i think you can tell it is more than that, from the way he is ashamed to beg (even in a life or death scenario, as seen in hot limit), as if his condition was his own fault.

this circles back to the point i made earlier for eichi; how much nikis life is worth, is measured in his economical value.

of the characters i have spoken of so far, nikis is financially the most accurate to real life. there is no safety net for him, no convenient family wealth.

(at this point it feels important to mention that somehow rinne manages to be the only person entirely aware of the danger and desires to change nikis mindset, YET he is a huge strain on nikis health. i dont know how those two function.)

Just a Lamb. Tatsumi

tatsumis specific trauma is a unique one: while most other characters struggle with conditions they were born with or developed as they grew up, tatsumis injury is the result of strain and violence. those are two different pairs of shoes, though the outcome may be similar. whether it is worse to be born into circumstances you cannot escape or to have to live with having something thrust upon you unfairly is up to personal judgement. pain is not really quantifiable. its just important to keep in mind, i think. under the circumstances tatsumi grew up in, he has his own burdens. it is very easy in many ways to compare and contrast him with eichi. of course this applies to how they used their bodies too: as an expandable resource. they had ideals for their school life (and beyond) that just seemed far more important and they both ended up in hospital because of this. (+ we know tatsumis surroundings were purposefully manipulated to destroy him)

and, of course, tatsumi got attacked later on. he never really talks about it directly but his legs seem to talk for him, in ways.

the story does not quite make it clear whether his occasional weakness and pain are the result of old injuries or entirely psychosomantic, and i dont think there is a real need to know, as a reader. in fact, in a certain light, i think it can be considered good that we dont know for certain: it would be relevant for tatsumi himself, sure, since it would influence which kinds of treatments and help he can seek out. however, i think the ambiguity may foster a certain level of sympathy in readers.

often psychosomatic problems are not taken seriously enough in real life: they cannot be proven physically and they dont fit into the neat little boxes that the ICD wants you to believe exist, so they cannot be defined on paper or easily explained to doctors or insurance providers.

to foster empathy with his situation requires his character to be lovable and for the narrative to treat him with care as well. which is thankfully the case. alkaloid are dear with him and, despite the fact he cannot perform in his work enviroment all the time, he is very respected for his other skills. he is a well-rounded person.

all that aside. it is absolutely worth to mention tatsumi pre-injury, too. he came up with a form of small-scale universal income among a semi-union at school. without getting too much into all that. (obbligato really seems like required lecture in the realm of enstars stories) the entire concept strives for social equality and is extremely anti-discrimination. it fundamentally goes against the idea that someone needs to "deserve" care, and is the opposite of the mindset i described with eichi and niki above. he never had to make first-hand experiences with disability to be extremely compassionate. this seems really rare among people in real life, even those who preach altruism.

While we are Here. K.... Kaname

as mentioned, i spoke a little about kaname before. so i wont get into the complex of caregiving.

it is extremely satisfying we got to meet kaname, if only for one event story. he does not have to remain a faceless motivation behind himeru and tatsumis lives, he thankfully became humanized.

the entire conflict around kaname at the moment is a matter of bodily autonomy. how much of your person can be in anothers hand, ethically? there is no excuse for the theft of his (idol) identity through himeru but the damage is done now. ideally, you dont want any part of yourself to depend on others but the disabled reality is that this is very often impossible. especially for kaname. there simply is no one else who could be responsible for him right now and, to be fair, at least when it comes to medical care, himeru seems to behave very responsibly.

repeating what has been said in the other post but i am worried for kanames seemingly inevitable reintroduction to the story. he has been in a comatose state for a year. if he wakes (since this is fiction, it is possible to exchange 'if' for 'when', realistically it really would be an 'if' though) he would most likely be confronted with permanent neurological and physical damage and years of rehabilitation. at least logically. (not to mention the psychological shock) would this be written with compassion and a sense of realism? it makes for a compelling source of conflict and emotional hardships that could be extremely worthwhile to explore. i just cant entirely bring myself to trust the writers with this one but i would love to be convinced otherwise.

that is, of course, if they dont somehow just skip rehabilitation entirely and declare it a miracle healing.....

imo, the in-game discourse between characters is just as important as his future development. i just really hope autonomy and recovery will be large topics.

He doesnt go here, but. Adonis

so bringing him up just really feels necessary within the context of this post because of his interests. one of adonis hobbies is sign language and accessibility.

this is, i think, maybe the best thing they ever did with his "protector" persona. it just fits so well, it is a direct conversion of ideals to actions. knowing undead songs have been translated for a deaf audience in canon is extremely wholesome and uplifting, even if it is entirely inconsequential for the story and just something that gets mentioned.

(now that sandstorm is out on engstars, you can check that out too for further mentions of this! if i could wish for one thing, it would be for the stories to acknowledge that there are tons of independent sign languages and i would love to know which one adonis and rei speak... you ever think about how adonis speaks like four languages fluently. at least.)

nightless city live, chapter 3

everyone in undead loved that and supported the vision. to see koga, who is usually against anything but musical performances and wishes to express art freely, praise the idea really puts deaf identity and accessibility in a great light. it is a very positively radical forwardthinking idea.

so, i just wanted to mention that. adonis is treated horribly by the narrative a lot, it entirely fails to grasp his identity and is insensitive towards foreign cultures, but i would die for him i think.

finishing thoughts

like mentioned, please absolutely let me know if you have different related ideas or recommendations. or corrections, or worries over something i wrote!!! learning and improving is always great. i am sorry i could not get into so many other characters, the ones i wrote about are those that i feel confident enough to comment on. in the future i would love to meet maguro!! i just havent really read any mama stories at all :'''3

i feel like i barely said anything at all and barely engaged with text enough since i didnt get into any character specifically. i would love to write another post about ritsu or rei or both. a draft for it has been sitting around for ages (as did the draft for this post, lol) but i hope someone will find an interesting thought in here somewhere.

all in all, enstars is actually... surprisingly nice to read for the disability in there??? even if it is disappointing in handling many other things. of course, the writings not always ideal (i read hidden beast just the other day and the ableism in there took years off my life) but often its really nice. nothing hits quite like seeing real emotions and experiences through some metaphorical stylized anime lense, you feel.

anyway thank you for listening. i am actually for real done now.

[girlfromthecrypt]

Hello!! I really like the characters in your story and I was wondering if you have any tips for new writers regarding that topic (like how to flesh out a character, write dialog etc😭)

Ooh I feel so honored by this!! Thanks 😊

Ok so I don't know if I'm the best at giving advice, but here's something that I think helps me??? I dunno. It'll sound silly but I only ever write characters that I imagine I could fall in love with a little. It helps if you're in love with your characters bc that way you'll enjoy writing them.

I realize this sounds silly and possibly weird. I don't know how else to explain it. But like, I guess you might want to try and fall in love with the characters you're writing, and if you can't, you should ask yourself what's stopping you. Because then you can figure out whether or not they feel like actual people.

Maybe I should approach this from another angle.

All my characters have some little part of me that I intrinsically relate to. From there, I let it branch out. For example, a lot of Flo's struggles relate to my own. That's all, we don't have anything more in common, really. But me wanting to write a person with these struggles was basically the foundation of his character.

Reem--- her love of music was the foundation. Reem to me is what music would be like if music was a person. I love music, hence I love Reem.

Ok this is all very strange and abstract-sounding, but I hope it helped a little bit??

At the end of the day, my advice is: try to relate to your characters as best you can. Everything else will come naturally. But I might be biased, given that characters and dialogues are my very favorite part of writing.

[dragonmarquise]

Speaking of trauma and stuff, name all the characters you think have trauma in bomb rush cyberfunk, any crew, any reason. Feel free to use HCs and stories and fanfics to explain!!! Bc RN I am drowning in your content/pos

First and foremost, thank you for the interest in my ideas and stuff!! Even though art and fan fic writing has been on the backburner for me while I try to get the BRC wiki to a point where I can call it “finished” at least for now. So like, doing posts like this is the only way right now that I can share my stuff at the moment. ;u;

Second, OH BOY, this is gonna be a hell of a topic. Uhh, content warnings for mentions of abuse and injuries and trauma in general. I mean, given the topic, it’s definitely going to get dark. The big ones are probably going to be my 4 Devil Theory OCs, but I have some ideas for a few other characters…

Also this is gonna be VERY long just fair warning! No seriously, I think I basically wrote the equivalent of a short fan fic here. That ended up being the reason this took so long to answer. :u

Let’s start off with Felix! Since you brought up an interesting point about why he might be distancing himself from others. For other people’s reference, this is the reblog I’m referring to.

Actually let’s break this up into sections so it’s a bit easier to read, not to mention easier to get to certain characters.

Felix

So again, from your post! Felix distances himself even from friends a lot of the time, because it’s a subconscious thing where he doesn’t want to end up too attached to someone. And then hurting badly if he loses them.

Related to Old Amsterdam, maybe Felix somehow survived whatever happened that led to it being destroyed/buried and then having New Amsterdam built on top of it. The current fandom theory is that it was a giant flooding disaster. It’s mentioned in a couple of dialogs with the Oldheads that at least those three (i.e. Boombap, Oldschool, and Classic) still remember the original Amsterdam, and the way they talk, they definitely lived there for at least a short amount of time before the city got wiped out. Presumably they and other people managed to flee whatever disaster before it happened, while other people weren’t so lucky maybe?

Heck, I know there’s one particular dialog, I think from Boombap specifically, where he mentions how Felix was just a kid while Boombap himself was in his prime as a writer. Presumably back during Old Amsterdam, but maybe even during the early start of New Amsterdam?

So maybe Felix as a small child remembers the disaster, either having to stay with his parents and losing them while managing to survive himself. Or otherwise they all fled but something happened along the way where Felix had to leave by himself. There’s also fan theories about the coffin in the Old Amsterdam under Versum Hill, that maybe it was used to save him, but also kinda preserve him? Then again maybe the coffin is unrelated in that regard, and Felix has some other connection to it (maybe a very distant descendant of whoever actually made it).

We don’t know the exact time frame between Old Amsterdam being destroyed and New Amsterdam being built, other than the Oldheads being around for both based on the game dialog. Again, they mention having memories of Old Amsterdam and how it compares to New Amsterdam and all. But still, it could have been a decently long amount of time in the past, since we don’t quite know how old the Oldheads themselves are… I always imagined them in the 60s to 80s range tbh, and then most of the case being in the range of 25 to 35.

Well, okay, the Old Amsterdam stuff and the Oldheads’ ties into the game’s lore is an interesting topic, but I’m getting a bit too off-topic for this post, sorry!!

Anyways, Felix as a very young child was in Amsterdam at the time of the disaster, manages to survive, but loses his parents at minimum. That kind of loss, especially in such a presumably horrifying way, isn’t something that can be easily overcome.

But also! Here’s my additional idea for this: Felix doesn’t want to remember what happened back then. In fact, I like to think he’s repressed that particular part of his life so hard he genuinely can’t remember now. At least not willingly. Good thing DJ Cyber was helping Felix remember only the part about how to stop Faux, otherwise he might’ve seen some REALLY depressing stuff. I like to think the first bits of each dream Felix has at the end of each chapter (besides the 4th one, which just gets right into the actual dream stage) are subconscious symbolisms of those locked away memories.

The first dream has a black and white image of “Old Amsterdam”, with someone wearing his mask in a boat. The second dream has a bunch of people standing before a pyramid of stairs, and if you knock off the person at the top, the rest at the bottom start cheering. The third dream has a long line of people, waiting for something or waiting to go somewhere maybe. The fifth dream has a line of crows you have to chase away, leading up to the group of big crows that reveal Felix.

… granted I only have my own ideas of what those could symbolize, but I feel like there’s definitely something interesting there.

Anyways, as far as Felix knows, he grew up in New Amsterdam as an orphan. There was nothing else before that. Nope. But even if he never remembers the truth of what happened to him as a kid, that trauma is still affecting him as an adult.

Like what you pointed out in your reblog, I like to think Felix eventually realizing that pushing away people who care about him just to “protect” them isn’t a healthy way of handling his feelings. Even if he never remembers the root cause of why he felt the need to do that in the first place, I’d think he learns to handle it better from now on, especially with the events of BRC teaching him friendship and stuff (not quite but like, you get the idea lol).

Cueball

So now, Cueball! Oh boy, poor Cueball. He has two sources of trauma: the stuff that led to him going full-cyber, and Eight Ball being killed.

With the first, reiterating what I said in my big DOT EXE post: as a teen living in the US (or whatever is the equivalent in the universe of BRC), Cueball got COVID, and the resulting Long COVID left him in damn terrible health. Overall physically weaker, damaged immune system, some nerve damage, sense of taste and smell being messed up (“Can you imagine biting into a chocolate bar, and tasting nothing but a like, raw meat kinda taste? I still remember that. Wouldn’t wish that even on my worst enemies.”).

And his own friends being worried they might “catch” it from him too (even though it’s at the point where it’s just the Long COVID) so then this poor guy is socially isolated while he’s still getting through high school on top of all of this. Doesn’t help that both of his parents are convinced it isn’t that bad and it's just him being lazy or finding "excuses". It isn’t until years later when they finally take him to see some doctors to try and get him some kind of help, and even then, they only take him to see quack doctors that recommend snake oils over anything that could actually help him.

Even with Eight Ball eventually stepping in and helping Cueball moving away from his awful parents, seeing better doctors in New Amsterdam… and then it turns out Cueball’s condition is so severe that there isn’t much that can be done by that point. So then the full-cyber conversion happens, because from Cueball’s point of view, his only other options are to either continue to suffer, or just straight up die.

I mean, you can imagine that would leave some pretty significant trauma on anyone. But Cueball is repressing most of it. Especially since, he’s had other people pity him and feel sorry for what he went through, and he hates that. The only person he ends up telling about any of this in particular is Bō (my Devil Theory OC that I ship with him), and even then only after they’ve been dating for a while.

By this point, he’s mostly mad at his parents for letting it get as bad as it did, especially with how stubborn they were about taking it seriously at all. Not to mention, like I said in the DOT EXE post, Cueball originally had plans to becoming a chef or baker. But he couldn’t exactly do that with his sense of smell and taste getting messed up, nevermind everything else he had to deal with. There’s a bit of resentment there towards his parents, the people who were supposed to, y’know, keep him safe.

Oh also, he is dead to them. Quite literally. I imagine in some countries in the BRC universe, a person going full-cyber or even just getting a cyberhead makes the person be considered legally dead. Y’know, Ship of Thesesus, “How much do you replace of a person before they stop being the same person?” kind of thing. And if not legally, I can imagine some people just have that kind of thought towards cybernetics like that.

His parents even made a grave for him and held a funeral for him. To clarify, by that point he was already living in New Amsterdam with his brother and the other DOT EXE guys, going through the procedures to go full-cyber. He told them what was going to happen to him, and they basically cut contact and acted like he completely died.

But if he had a chance at the time, Cueball would have flown back home, dig open his own “grave”, then push his parents in and bury them alive. Otherwise, he just likes to think that if he’s dead to them, then they’re dead to him too. Hell, they probably are dead by the point of the game, but Cueball refuses to even think about them either way.

The main trauma response (not sure if that’s the right word for this?) from all this is that Cueball gets really worried for his non-cyber friends whenever they get sick. Also getting mad if they try to keep going around as if they’re not sick, “Dude!! Go rest!! You’re either gonna make it worse or get someone else sick!!”

He is also still very distrustful of doctors in general, even if they’re genuine. He goes along with Bō for his doctor visits like a bodyguard. He’s worried for his boyfriend, but it takes him a while to admit he might be overreacting.

So then besides that! Cueball also has the trauma from Eight Ball dying. Maybe he even saw it himself, I don’t think the game specifies if the other DOT EXE members were around when it happened, or if the police/Faux managed to catch Eight Ball alone and take him out then. Personally it feels more that it’s the former, like they were all talking together nearby after losing the crew battle, then Eight Ball got shot and the others ran for it before they were next.

From a different previous post of mine, basically what I’m thinking is that Cueball was not coping with Eight Ball’s death very well. At all. To the point of even making fun of Eight Ball for just dying “so easily”. Which of course pisses off the rest of DOT EXE and gets him kicked out, leading to him joining BRC to continue to try and ignore Eight Ball’s death. Even considers just deleting his memories of Eight Ball completely, even though doing so would leave gaps in his memories that are too noticeable to ignore.

Fortunately! I think he’d eventually get a better handle on his feelings and what happened, and reconcile with the rest of DOT EXE later. He still sticks with BRC though, but at least he lives with the rest of DOT EXE again.

Vela

This one is for the spring palette Eclipse member. This is gonna be a bit shorter, but mostly because, I don’t want to get into too much detail on what happened to her, since the character herself probably wouldn’t do so either, at least to most people. So, to the point: She is studying at the local university, and at one point ended up abused by a professor she thought she could trust. That guy very nearly got away with it, if it weren’t for the rest of Eclipse stepping in to make sure he didn’t.

Though even with the scumbag punished, for a very long time afterwards Vela ends up very distrustful of men in general. She does go to therapy to help cope with things at least, especially since she wants to avoid coping in a way that ends up hurting her more. The leader of Eclipse in particular, Cassiopeia, encouraged Vela to make sure to go to therapy, and of course all of them helped support her during this time too.

It definitely does help, with her becoming less distrustful over time. She even gets a boyfriend later on! After a lot of patience from him, which Vela really appreciates and loves him for. Unfortunately, the rest of Eclipse finding out about this is the reason (in my little headcanon/AU story thing at least) for them kicking her out of their crew. So then similar to Cueball, leading to her joining up with BRC.

To clarify, they didn’t kick her out because she’s dating a man, they kicked her out because she hid something fairly important from the rest of them. With what she went through, combined with the crew overall having a, well, dislike towards men in general, she was worried about what they would think of her if she told them. So kinda poor communication on both sides?

I like to think they do eventually sort things out, but also like with Cueball, Vela probably sticks with BRC for writer stuff. However, she’s still very happy to have her friends back by thatpoint!

(Also I ended up deciding that Vela’s boyfriend is someone I’ve talked about before already. Remember the guy who I said his friends joke about his “theoretical” girlfriend, because he insists he’s dating someone but they’ve still never met her? But yeah that’s probably for another post. :P )

Rise

For Rise, I think some people might debate if it really “counts” as trauma, but I think it still does. A lot of this is copy-pasted from a document that I don’t think I’ve shared publicly yet, or at least not outside of this one BRC server I’m on.

In essence, Rise was emotionally neglected by her parents. Rise's parents are the high/upper class kind of people. Rich! Snooty! Looking down on the poor! etc. They saw their daughter as more of a reflection of their own reputation and stuff instead of her own person. So plenty of criticizing her for her appearance, what she ate, who she hung out with, what she studied in school, etc.

I have a headcanon where Rise has a huuuuge interest in marine biology and ocean stuff. It’s partly why she ends up hanging out on Pyramid Island, at least in my mind! She knows a lot, possibly even more than most people who go to school for the same topic!

But then whenever she'd ramble to her parents about it, she was basically met with a lot of dismissive "Yes yes, that's nice dear" and stuff like that. And after a certain point they were like, "When are you going to be interested in something more practical? Like medical science or business?" and that basically made her never want to talk about anything to her parents ever again, let alone her hobbies and interests.

At one point they wanted Rise to get into ice skating, but only because they wanted to have the prestige of having an "Olympic gold-medalist~" as a daughter. But also making sure she didn't get into any sports that were too "masculine" in their eyes, oh no, what a scandal that would have been for these poor rich assholes!! She got into skating alright... inline skating, specifically just to spite them. From that, Rise made more genuine friends, then became a writer through that as well. Her first time getting caught by police, her parents were horrified and actually paid to get her out and scrub her records (like with what was happening with Faux).

But then Rise keep doing writer stuff, again out of spite towards her parents, and kept getting caught, etc. Eventually they just forced her to move out of London (or maybe, Neo London? Who knows how bad the floods were in the rest of the world) where they were living, and she ends up in New Amsterdam from there. They would have disowned her on top of that, but then that would be even more of a scandal in their socialite circles, oh no!! So they just quietly sent her off and even try to pretend she's just overseas studying at some prestigious university or something.

The only "contact" Rise has with her parents these days is them actually sending her money every now and then. In their mind, if she isn't something like a doctor or CEO, it means she's probably living off of dirt without their help. She always donates the money they send her to a local charity, she sure as hell wouldn't want to keep it even if she did need it.

Rise doesn’t mind if people assume she’s just some rich kid that got into writer stuff for the sake of clout/because it was trendy. She doesn’t care for other people’s opinions too much, and besides she thinks her beef with her parents is between just her and them, and nobody else's business unless she chooses to share it.

Though, even after that, Rise tends to have trouble opening up to people, at least outside of being a writer and all. Especially when it comes to talking about her oceanic interests. So like, for my headcanons she ends up becoming besties with Rave and Shine in particular once they’re all with BRC! But even then, she’s afraid to bring up her interests, and for the longest time they mostly like to talk about writer stuff or gossip and the like. She gets there eventually, it just takes her a while.

---

Now for my Devil Theory OCs! I’ve already written a lot in this post, and these four might be a bit shorter than the rest all together. Also like with Rise, this is mostly copy-pasted and cleaned up/added to from a document I haven’t shared outside of a Discord server.

Sai

He is the spring palette Devil Theory guy, and the one in my headcanons/stories who ends up joining BRC. His parents started off verbally abusive with him as a small kid, until it escalated into physical abuse by the time he was in middle school. His dad was the source of the worst of it, but his mom definitely wasn’t a saint either in all of this, being abusive as well. It’s effectively a sense of “If my son wasn’t around, he’d just go after me” cowardice, just “agreeing” with her husband for her own safety. Sai at least had Daishō (and eventually Bō and Nunchaku) to help him through it, in particular Daishō letting him stay over at Daishō's house for days at a time just to avoid his parents.

Unfortunately, the abuse still continued whenever Sai came home. Despite what was happened, back then he still had hopes that his parents might change eventually. They hammered into him the mentality of “family is everything no matter what”, and was hoping that would actually win out in the end. But then because of that, he never really fought back, thinking it would just make things worse, even once he grew older and was physically capable of fighting back.

It also didn’t help that for most of his life living in New Amsterdam, Sai felt pretty isolated. Him and his parents moved from Puerto Rico (fun fact, with a lot of maps that show what the Earth would look like if all the ice caps melted, Puerto Rico is still around since most of it is actually pretty mountainous! So not as badly affected by any potential world flooding disasters, at least compared to Old Amsterdam and other places). He gets picked on a lot as a kid for being Latino and just generally an outsider. Even a lot of teachers and adults end up not trusting him due to his “attitude”.

Daishō is pretty much his only friend for a very long time, and before joining BRC he only ever considered him, Bō, and Nunchaku as his friends. Basically, he doesn’t feel like he has a lot of other people to turn to for help. And at any rate, he wouldn’t want to risk his own friends getting hurt because of his parents. Especially since, his dad in particular is a cop, and has been using those connections to cover up what’s been going on.

This eventually accumulated into his breaking point sometime in high school. His father managed to give him a nasty cut on his lower leg, and his mother just sloppily stitched it up, seeing no need to go to the hospital (because otherwise the people at the hospital would probably find out about what was going on). Sai eventually snapped sometime after that, and beat the fuck out of his dad.

He would have done the same to his mom (who, again, was also very much physically abusive, even if not to the same extent as his dad), if she hadn't managed to barricade herself in a bathroom. Afterwards, both his parents decided to skip town out of “embarrassment” instead of trying to involve the police against Sai (i.e. realizing that what they were doing to Sai would have to be investigated as well, in a way that couldn’t be covered up with cop connections anymore). He hasn’t seen them since and plans to keep it that way.

Is it any wonder the poor guy ends up with anger issues? He at least gets a better hold of them later in life at least, especially once he joins BRC.

Bō

Bō, the blond one (winter palette for Devil Theory), mostly dealt with his mother being horribly controlling and abusive to him (largely emotionally, but also sometimes physically). Meanwhile his father was a doormat who effectively enabled her, even helping her cover up what was going on.

At one point she attempted to homeschool him to protect him from being "corrupted”. She and the father followed, from what Bō could remember, a “very strange niche of Christianity”, with confusing ideology, seemingly just her picking and choosing what she wanted to believe from the Bible (which, unfortunately applies to a lot of Christians out there, but I digress…). They never actually went to church, but she would insist they were are True Christians. Her attempts at homeschooling him were equally confusing, at least for him.

But then that resulted in Bō needing to be held back a bit once the proper authorities found out she wasn't doing a good job, and thus forced her to let him attend regular school. They tried to catch him up as best as possible, but eventually just let the schools "handle" him from there. Between that and continued abuse at home, he was all around miserable during this time. Also really not helping that he ended up with poor social skills due to how his mother was isolating him so much.

Fun fact, he met Sai and Daishō sometime towards the end of primary school for all of them (roughly middle school, from what I can tell from research?). They had planned to bully him into helping them with homework, thinking an older kid would know more about what they were studying. But then they found out about him needing to catch up on a lot of things, and actually helped him out instead! Also for a frame of reference on ages, Bō is 31 in the present, while Sai and Daishō are both about 28, and Nunchaku is about 27.

Anyways, back to the note about his mother isolating him. She would also manipulate Bō’s relationships, either scaring off other kids he tried to make friends with, making him paranoid that they secretly hated him, or otherwise making it so that he could rarely (if ever) see them too often.

Daishō and Sai were the only ones she couldn’t successfully scare off nor turn Bō against. They also helped him stand up to her and defend himself. This eventually led to Bō being disowned and kicked out of his home for being so “disobedient”, but he considers this the best possible outcome. As far as he knows, his mother and father both moved out in the country to get away from the “corrupting” influence of the city, so at least he doesn’t have to worry about ever meeting them again.

Unfortunately, he was still left with a lot of issues. One is with food. She would often say she was going to cook one thing and then make something completely different, intentionally adding ingredients or buy snack foods that he didn’t like, or add certain spices that would alter the taste in ways he didn’t expect. She did this mostly as a way to make sure he wouldn’t be a picky eater, forcing him to eat or go hungry. Even if it meant eating something that he found repulsive.

As an adult, this resulted in Bō being very, very picky about his food. He wants it a certain way, and if it isn’t the way he wants or is expecting, he refuses to eat it. Especially if it’s something he hasn’t tried before, he needs to be told what it’s like, be able to at least sample it first, and if it’s homemade food he has to trust the person who’s cooking it anyways. For ordering at restaurants, if they get his order wrong, he’d rather just throw it out and go hungry than ask for them to correct it. His friends (and eventually Cueball) have to be the ones to step in and get it fixed, even when Bō insists they don’t have to, “I’m fine, really, I’m not that hungry anyways I swear!”

Another thing is that he’s afraid of the dark. This one was a result of his mom often locking him in their basement as a punishment whenever he acted up (i.e. just acting like a kid would). He’s embarrassed that he has to sleep with a night light, or really any sort of light, but his friends and Cueball are very accommodating of that.

Nunchaku

Appearance-wise she’s the one based off of Devil Theory’s summer palette. She was born and raised in the United States, specifically in California. Her parents placed a lot of pressure on her to be successful no matter the topic (school, sports, exercising, even just hobbies), but she could never meet their standards, nor did she really want to in the first place. This led to a lot of mental and emotional abuse related to that, most of it in the form of guilt-tripping her about not being able to do “better”.

Skateboarding was one hobby she kept secret from them, in particular because she knew they would try and force her to become the next Tony Hawk or something, when she wanted to keep it as a fun hobby for stress relief. Especially given everything else they were putting her through. Another hobby was fixing machines, including cars, which she mostly did in secret away from her parents lest they try and force her to study mechanical engineering or something.

After a certain point this escalated into physical abuse in the form of pushing Nunchaku past her limits for any physical training/exercising she did for sports in particular, as well as attempts to control her health and diet. In regards to school sports, they basically forced her to join just about every sport team the school had to offer, even if she hated the sport in question. There were times she thought she would die from a heart attack or just exhaustion in general. Other times she was either actually sick or just pretending to be sick in order to get out of practice and sneak off to finally relax.

She also wasn’t having a fun time at school anyways. She was pretty open about being a butch lesbian since maybe around middle school. Her parents at first tried to discourage it, but then eventually tried to use it to their advantage. In short, her dad was a local politician, a conservative one at that, and used his daughter as a sort of “See, I’m not a bigot, my daughter is a lesbian!” thing. Outside of that they didn’t really do much to be supportive, other than not mistreating her specifically because she’s a lesbian (which is, y’know, bare minimum).

Also, they didn’t bother helping her with the bullying she was dealing with at school over her identity and her being a part of every team (most of the other kids thought she was stuck up for doing that, not knowing/accepting that her parents were the ones to force her to do that). Most of Nunchaku’s real friends were either kids from outside of her school or online.

The latter is how she ended up friends with Sai, Daishō, and Bō! It was mostly a shared love of anime between the four of them, I think I mentioned that in the big DT post a while back? But yeah, eventually they became closer friends once they realized they were all deal with shitty parents, so then deciding to stick together and help support one another.

Truthfully, her eventual move to New Amsterdam was less “just moving”, and more her friends helping her successfully run away from home once she turned 18. As far as she knows, her parents have long since written her off as a “failure” and have stopped looking for her. She’s glad that they aren’t trying to drag her back, but deep down she’s also still hurt that they just gave up on her like that, after all the pressure they put on her.

Despite the whole “be good at ALL of the sports” obsession her parents had, Nunchaku still enjoys some sports and plays games with others. She’s just, y’know, not doing it to be the best, she just wants to have fun! Though there are times where she get competitive, like with writer stuff, but at least it’s on her own terms.

Daishō

Daishō, the leader of Devil Theory (also for appearance he’s the autumn palette), has been through some awful stuff himself. Though, a big part of his problems is that he’s convinced what he went through wasn’t nearly as bad as what his friends went through. Even though, trauma is not a competition. Still, I’ll get into that a bit more later.

Anyways, starting off with the root of his problems, his rich parents had a messy divorce around the time he was in early primary school (i.e. roughly early elementary school). The parents' animosity against one another was so bad to the point where they lived in separate houses, with Daishō actually living in a house of his own. His parents wanted to see each other as little as possible, so Daishō's "own" house would be where he was dropped off when he wasn’t meant to be with one of his parents. But because of how much both of them worked (and sometimes them going on vacations by themselves), he spent most of his time at that third house anyways.

He was basically cared for/raised by a nanny and a few housecleaners at this point, and those people were certainly a lot more like parents to him than his actual parents. He still sends his old nanny gift cards and stuff for the holidays, sometimes having lunch to catch up, etc. So just to emphasize, he has no love for either of his parents in the present day.

Anyways, both of his parents tried to manipulate him, in order to get him on their “side” against the other parent. Said manipulation changed often, but ranged from bribery, threats, and outright abuse. Never physical abuse, since they were at least careful not to leave “evidence” (with them thinking poor mental health resulting from shitty parents doesn’t count as evidence of anything bad).

Daishō himself was kind of desperate to either get his parents back together and maybe somehow fix the whole mess the three of them were in, or otherwise just get them to calm the hell down and leave him out of it. Him wanting to fix things was moreso when he was a kid, and then the latter was more as a teen when he started getting sick of their bullshit. Though sometimes his feelings would yo-yo between the two.

Eventually, all of this drama and manipulation led to an instance of attempted murder by his mother on him and his father. During which his father also left him for dead. Daishō got his foot almost hacked off by his own mom, but at least managed to get away despite what happened. The only other major downside to this is that she somehow got away with it in court. That whole thing basically killed what little hope he had left for either parent.

So from there, he just decided to beat them at their own game. Manipulating them, especially getting a ton of cash out of each of them in exchange for his "loyalty", telling lies about one parent to the other as “dirt” they could use later, stuff like that. After a certain point, he had effectively scammed enough money out of both of them that he felt safe enough to cut them both out of his life. The scamming was also enough to leave them both poor as hell, especially since they continued to use their respective money to try and get back at each other during all of this.

As far as he knows, his mom went back to her home country "in shame", while his dad just outright vanished. Good riddance either way, in his opinion.

So now going back to how he thinks what he went through wasn’t as “bad” as what the others went through. Other than the murder, he thinks it wasn't as bad because they weren't "directly" abusive towards him, at least not all of the time like what the other three went through.

Because of that he feels like he has to be the one to make sure everyone else is alright and happy. He has to be the one in charge, he has to be the one to fix things, he has to be the one to organize things, because his friends deserve to have that kind of happiness before he does.

Of course, with what happened in the game, he and his friends almost getting killed by Faux has put a lot of guilt on Daishō. Especially since he was mainly the one pushing for their deal with Faux, being convinced that Faux would have their backs and they could enjoy being All City and keep having fun together. With how badly things turned out, the guilt is still eating him up to this day...

One Last Section for Devil Theory

Just going over how each of them lost at least part of their legs, which led to all of them ending up with the cybernetic legs they have in the game:

With Sai, the cut on his lower leg got badly infected, made worse from him trying to hide it from both his friends and just people in general, not to mention being worried that going to the hospital might lead to him getting arrested if they found out what he did to his dad. Eventually it got bad enough that there was no saving it and he had to get that part of his leg amputated.

Bō lost part of his legs not from anything his mother did, but while he was an adult, long after being disowned by her. It was due to an accident (i.e. a failed secret test with a walking tank, where other people got injured as well), which got covered up by the police. Bō actually isn’t even sure what exactly happened that day, no one else who got injured know either, especially not that it was because of the police in the first place.

For Nunchaku, she lost most of her lower legs due to a factory accident as an adult. With her being new to New Amsterdam once she moved, she was in desperate need of a job, and ending up working for a shady factory that had a ton of questionable dealings and safety regulations. Her getting hurt lead to many other employees quitting, because it was the last straw and a bunch of other employees also got badly injured in the same accident. It was in fact the most severe accident at that factory up to that point, which led to it being finally shut down. She now works as a mechanic at a shop run by another former factory employee who was her mentor.

Lastly, for Daishō, when his mother tried to kill him, his foot ended up so mangled that he was better off just amputating it. It didn’t help that he also had to crawl and even walk with it for a while before he managed to get it looked at. Mostly because he went into hiding for a bit because, y’know, attempted murder.

With all of them getting injuries that resulted in cutting off a foot or lower leg (I'm imagining a bit after Bō's accident, that was the last one chronologically), Daishō ends up declaring, "Clearly we're all fucking cursed, let's just get this over with already." And paid for all of them to just get what's left of their lower legs replaced with fancy cybernetics, as seen in the game. This eventually leads them to becoming writers ("With these legs we could probably manage it pretty good, right?"), and then forming Devil Theory.

Not to mention the abuse all four of them faced, from their parents, and even other people like employers as adults, led to them adopting an "If the world wants to treat you like trash, then you should be allowed to trash it right back" kind of attitude. Hence how they act as Devil Theory.

Suffice to say, a lot of the problems they caused as Devil Theory would have been avoided if they all got some dang therapy!! Bō at least went for a bit as an older teen after being disowned, but stopped after a while, convincing himself he’s “fine” now. The rest refuse outright though also insist they're fine. They're not fine. They’ll get better eventually, but it will require someone convincing them that they’re not really fine, and them accepting that in turn.

So… I think that’s it. I know this is, a lot. So much. Maybe too much, lol. But if you read this all the way through, then thank you!!

[outsidereveries]

can you then do overall readings on what each skz member think or feels of jyp treatment of them so far and vice versa for jyp thoughts on each skz member? i know its lot to do but this stuff is quite interesting bc these groups never show the full story of what really go on or they cant express fully how they feel in front of camera.

what skz and jype think of each other? (treatment-wise)

stray kids -> jype's treatment towards them

bang chan: 7 of pentacles

chan thinks that when it comes to treatment, jype is a stable company who thinks of their idols' health in any way before anything. moreover, to chan jype choose the same type of activities and he wants any sort of diversity in them! maybe a variety show, or a podcast appearence, just something!

lee know: the chariot rx, 5 of wands rx

lino sees that jype lacks future planning when it comes to the boys' treatment. activities or the boys' wellbeing, lino wanted more at first, but he sort of gave up and compromised with himself he won't receive anything better. basically satisfied but not exactly.

changbin: knight of pentacles

similar to chan (in a way), changbin sees jype standing up and not moving, at all. to changbin, jype treats him kind of good but it's just that he also wants diverse activities. how he'll be financially stable if jype doesn't give him any chance for him to, like, shine?

hyunjin: the hierophant

he sees his company as the most important, the most stable, the most experienced one that can teach him a lot. however, similar to chan and changbin, hyunjin sees jype like they're doing all the same shit because it worked before and they think it'll work again and then it doesn't and it's just (to him) fucked up before the topic has ever started to be talked about publicly.

han: the moon

he seems to be unsure about it. he might have too much questions about why they treat him in that way?

felix: the magician

oh, compared to before, he's more free! more creative and more focused! to felix, he's treated WAY better and he loves how he does what he wants so far. health-wise, it's great too.

seungmin: 10 of cups

similar to felix, he's satisfied with how jype is treating him. very happy, very positive thoughts.

i.n.: 6 of wands

the treatment jype is giving towards the maknae is based on how in wants to be treated, he seems to has the upper-hand in that matter. he is very satisfied.

jype -> stray kids (treatment-wise)

bang chan: 7 of swords rx, 9 of wands

to jype, chan is very stubborn in a way. they don't want to do certain things and just don't know how to compromise with the leader.

lee know: 4 of pentacles rx, 5 of pentacles rx

quite neutral in a way, their thoughts in the recent past seemed to be more negative in a way, or more positive, kind of unsure. maybe recently something did happen that made lee know unsatisfied and he just told the company.

changbin: temperance, king of cups

jype might not have plans about him at all, the trajectory the company has about him is so stable that it might've not changed at all. to the company, it looks like changbin has a specific role in the group which is a plus for them and it's easier for jype to pretend they have a plan but actually don't. at its best, jype see him to do solo mixtapes, currently this might be the best thing they'll ever allow him to do individually for some reason.

hyunjin: 5 of pentacles rx

similar to changbin, jype has certain view on the group's visual and are trying to make it work. they're persistent to work it out.

han: king of swords

similar to 2 of his hyungs, changbin and hyunjin, jype have plans about him and it seems to be related to appearing in variety shows? nothing else from what i'm sensing but so far they don't have negative thoughts.

felix: temperance rx

in short, they have left him to do whatever he wants to do. jype wanted to keep him in the dungeon for a longer time, but he had to resign the contract with the company and they had to agree with what felix wanted.

seungmin: ace of cups, ace of wands

jype is happy that he listens very well! the intentions seem to be great so far.. but nothing deeper.

i.n.: the lovers

jype and the youngest seem to cooperate together about that, so the company is happy about that the maknae feels better about his treatment? (i.n. might've been mistreated before)

done on 031124

[turtlesundaes]

MARCH FOR RAPH DAYS TEN, ELEVEN AND TWELVE !!!!

Completely copied and pasted from my notes so you guys can have some cringe ramblings :>

———

SO… WE ALL REMEMBER MARCH FOR RAPH…

And I sort of got grounded…ish..

So instead of actually doing the prompts like we’d normally do- (drawing, writing, etc.) -we will rant about the topic instead because depression sucks but I still really want to do this !!! :>

I will be letting my mind wander so I will probably get off topic but I try my best.

Also some of these might become actual fanfics (???)

And it will all be posted within the same five minutes because why not.

DAY 10. Bowling with Casey

I did start drawing this one and it was gonna b a bunch of Raph and Cassandra doodles bc I had done Casey jr. for day six but generally they would be SO chaotic.

I totally see Raph having to explain what bowling even is to Cass at first (bc yk I don’t see her knowing much bc of being in the foot clan that is literally just a cult with ninja skills- I do see her knowing hockey tho from her childhood bc I don’t think she was born into the cult but just been in it from a super young age like six or something? yk what I mean??) but once she gets it she will absolutely demolish!!!

Like as in the bowling ball won’t even touch the floor because she throws it just perfectly.

When I think of Raph bowling I instantly think of him using baby rails and it TAKES ME. But I do think he would be decent at it, not the best in the family but also not the worst. (no baby rails required)

They would be super loud the whole time though, like, 100% would be kicked out b4 they finish the game so every turn matters bc they go off whatever score they had before getting kicked out.

They would yell a bunch of catchphrases and trash talk basically but Cass probably would curse very loudly out of habit and that’s like, the main reason for them getting kicked out.

Raph wouldn’t mind the getting kicked out part (cause I totally see them doing this on the regular so he’s used to it) but the cursing will be only a slight annoyance. (Just cause of how LOUD Cass would be not anything against the girl honestly he just gets embarrassed)

I see Raph using curse words but ONLY when he’s alone with Cass just cause it feels normal with her but even then it’s still a rarity.

They would totally travel from place to place after getting kicked out though, then tally the points from every place and loser hosts the next outing.

DAY 11. Favorite novel

In cannon his favorite novel is obviously Jupiter Jim or something but I’ve seen so many people saying Percy Jackson and I find that hilarious.

I never read much Percy Jackson (my brother is trying very hard to get me to and I probably will… soon enough-) I did read the first book, the sun and the star, saw some of the movie aaaaand I think like two episodes of the new series ???

But as we know the guys LOVE sci-fi so the whole gist of Percy Jackson isn’t too far off from Raph’s liking me thinks.

But personally I think Raph would ADORE the Wings of Fire series (if we’re gonna get all projecting here, as per usual /pos)

Like think about it !!! Cool mystical creatures, mystery, cool diverse magic AND THE LORE ?!?!?! Also the fact that’s theirs like sixteen books (???) not Including the many spin-offs and side stories- (I have no idea what the average number is for a large series so that’s a lot for me :^) oh! And the graphic novels!!

He would so relate to Clay and think his fireproof scales are so cool. I see so many similarities. He would match his brothers with the MC’s (Mikey with Sunny, Donnie with Starflight, Leo with Tsunami) ((I am so not saying this bc I’ve done it myself-)) GOSH HE WOULD TOTALLY MAKE FAN FICTION AND HAVE LITTLE NOTEBOOKS DEDICATED TO HIS HEADCANNONS AAAAAAAAAAHHH !!!1!!1!1!!!111!

In conclusion he would be a huge geek about it all (he would rope Mikey in bc YALL-) and Mikey would make them cool cardboard wings. The end :]

DAY 12. Stir Crazy

I realllllllllyyyyyyy wanted to draw this one with Mikey and Raph in the kitchen but alas.. 😔

But yes Raph can coooook!!! 🔥🔥🔥

Not actually though. What I see in my very good vision is Raph helping Mikey out in the kitchen. Specifically, stirring.

I’d think that after the invasion Raphs motor skills in general would need improvement. This is not based on anything actually scientific I just have a ✨feeling✨ that after his whole kraang-ified ordeal he would have trouble with knowing he was in control (as most have headcannoned yes, but I like to think of mine as slightly different :p) his arm and eye and insert other places he was kraang-ified that I don’t remember here, would be significantly impacted from this worse than his not kraang infected side.

Like he would have a lazy eye, his arm would twitch/spasm and/or that whole side of his body would get pins and needles or just go numb at times.

But even then it would take a long and I mean LONG time for him to even get to that point. Before that it’s going to be even worse, like, being temporarily paralyzed and/or he would have to learn how to move that side of his body all over again.

This gives us Leo and Raph learning to move again bonding, your welcome.

But I’m not that evil to actually make him forever paralyzed, even if it was just the arm. (I’m too much of a wuss 😔)

The other side of his body would also take time to move again but that’s like a few hours compared to the months of work Raphs gonna have to put into his other side.

I don’t care that he bounces back immediately in the movie that is going to be labeled adrenaline. Also that one scene where Mikey and Donnie get thrown and Leo’s all like “go for them!! 🥺” and Raph falls on his side for a second and his arm is limp before running to them.

That split second scene is basically the whole reason why this headcannon exists.

BUT BACK TO THE PROMPT !!! :D

During healing Raph would do motor skill practice with Mikey aka baking cause Raph loves to lick the batter of the spoon when their done and stirring helps his arm. He would also flip pancakes maybe but I don’t see him doing anything like measurements cause it’s Mikey’s whole thing to cook but he helps keep the place clean :]

———

Anywizle, my apologies for missing a few days and coming back with a messy rant- but it was fun so who cares!

So buh-bye! Have a good night and/or day! It may be possibly impossible but possibly I will see you tomorrow!

:>