#bc he does use it just for fun too. he does put his whole pussy into having fun after a while. which he deserves

[ambreiiigns]

like SORRY to be rick and morty posting but

[norrizzandpia]

this is about oscar? part 3 but its freak by doja cat 🙏🏻

I fear y/n has released an entire album this time lol @golden-flora

The Album (OP81)

Summary: She’s done singles, one song at a time about her and Oscar’s sex life, but, now, she’s ready for a whole album.

Warnings: dirtiest one of the series, sexual discussions, Oscar being cocky

Note: THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF THE WHO IS OSCAR PIASTRI SERIES IS HERE EVERYONE!!!! Hope you like it, i added some new things. First, as you know, y/n releases an album here, but, also, at the end, instead of smau, it’s just a regular story abt them on a podcast 🤭

y/nnn Oscar, the album, out tonight with a track list of Freak, Agora Hills, Dick, and Pussy Poppin 🤭

Comments:

Mclarensgirly SHE NAMED THE WHOLE THING OSCAR IM FUCKING CRYING

F1fan2023 using a photo McLaren took is cray

- y/nnn say it with me everyone: he looks hot!

- Mclarensgirly he looks hot!

- ln4andop81 he looks hot!

- f1fan81 he looks hot!

landonorris plz. plz don’t release it. I’ve never felt terror like this in my entire life after seeing that track list

- y/nnn don’t you put your life on the line every weekend to drive a car?

- landonorris yes.

oscarpiastri anyone want to come to the listening party?

- Danielricciardo no.

- landonorris absolutely fucking not

- logansargeant YOU THINK IM GOING TO BE LISTENING TO THESE???

- y/nnn y’all are some fake ass bitches

oscarpiastri haha have fun everyone!!!

- ln4andop81 mans is enjoying himself

- oscarpiastri more than enjoying myself

- landonorris like I’ll literally kill you

—

TWITTER

Mclarensgirly i would just like to say that this is the man all those songs are about

- ln4andop81 i mean she did say “tied him down to my queen bed” in freak so that pic does fit the sub allegations

- f1fan2023 she also said “love it when he hit and smack too” in agora hills

- Mclarensgirly also said “hold me down, when a hole need dick”

- f1fan81 also said “he want a quickie, let him lick me, then I started gasping. The way his tongue be going crazy, you wouldn’t imagine. I let him stick me, hair got frizzy, I might let him crash it”

- Mclarensgirly also said “He put that woo all down my throat until i started coughing.”

- ln4andop81 OKAY OKAY I GET IT 😭

- ln4andop81 but also like… lets talk abt it

- Mclarensgirly IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

- f1fan2023 “he like it when i bend it over and i arch my back. He tap me on my shoulders, i said ‘yeah, i like that’” YOURE KIDDING.

- ln4andop81 i envision that in my head at night

- Mclarensgirly oh?

- ln4andop81 moving on! “Pull the panties to the side, watch a movie and make it two. We just finished number one, but I’m ready for round two” YUM.MY.

- F1fan81 sometimes i wonder if I’m jealous of Oscar or jealous of y/n

- Mclarensgirly real.

- ln4andop81 we also need to talk about Dick bc she literally goes “i met the boy in the 6, but measurements wasn’t a six” UHHHHHHH

- f1fan2023 it baffles me that he’s packing that seriously

- ln4andop81 nothing baffles me when it comes to that boy now that y/n sang “When I made a little mess on it, he told me to clean my act up” BRUHHHH THATS FUCKING HOT AS SHIT

- Mclarensgirly “Skirt up, fuck in the backseat. Take that shirt off, baby, put it on me. Got me like ‘yeehow’, ride it like a horsey. Kinda like seesaw, up and down on the D, give it to him” McLaren’s kicking and crying rn bc they know they cant take their car back from Oscar after y/n confirmed they christened it

- f1fan2023 okay okay but can we talk about “suck a little dick in the bathroom” in agora hills (slay song btw i ate that shit up)

- ln4andop81 YEAH BC IM GOING TO NEED SOME MORE INFO THAN THAT. WHEN. WHERE. WHAT.

- F1fan81 i bet your ass it was in the mtc

- ln4andop81 or in the Australian Grand Prix paddock remember when no one could find him after the face was over and all he said he was with y/n? SHE HAD TO HAVE BEEN GIVING HIM CELEBRATORY HEAD

- Mclarensgirly honestly? They prob did it in both

- oscarpiastri mhm

—

Oscar and Y/n sat next to each other on the soft sofa of the studio. They giggled with the podcast host as she said their introduction.

“Breaking the internet right now with their sex life, Oscar Piastri and Y/n Y/l/n! Hi, guys, welcome.” Samantha, the host, spoke to them.

Y/n and Oscar mumbled pleasantries, their legs squished together even with all the space to Y/n’s left. The woman was quick to getting into the topic of conversation, having already discussed boundaries with the couple before the cameras started rolling.

“So, Y/n, you’ve just released a small album that focuses mostly on Oscar and the things you two get up to in the bedroom. Were you ever nervous to share these songs with the world?”

Y/n nodded, “At first, yeah, all the way back when we started with 34+35, but it got easier once I saw the overwhelming support for it. I think the best part about releasing them is seeing the jokes that the fans make about Oscar and that side of him.”

Samantha smiled, “That leads me to my next question, Oscar, were you ever nervous to have people know about that side of you? Seeing as it was such a shocker.”

He laughed as he adjusted his position, throwing an arm around his girlfriend, “Um, well, I didn’t think it was that shocking. We didn’t expect people to go haywire over hearing that I lean more towards the dominant side. We kind of assumed people inferred that.”

Samantha’s jaw dropped, “Really?! Oh! I’ll be honest, I was quite surprised when I heard it.”

Y/n shook her head, “I don’t know, I guess the way Oscar is in front of cameras is drastically different from how he actually is. He’s still very soft spoken and quiet, but a bit more outgoing.”

Samantha nodded as she glanced over her next question, “Oscar, what’s your favorite song off this album?”

“Oh, I am so ready for this. Agora Hills.” He answered immediately, smiling proudly at the others in the room.

Y/n turned to look at him, “Really?! Why?!”

His head leaned from side to side, “Just, it’s more romantic? I mean, you talk about tying the knot alongside the sex stuff.”

Y/n and Samantha laugh at his comment, Samantha agreeing, “No, I see what you’re saying. Y/n, you do say you want to show him off multiple times throughout the song.”

“Because I do!” She exclaimed, leaning into her boyfriend lovingly.

He kissed her temple, listening intently to Samantha.

“Your interactions with the fans are hilarious. Do you guys look forward to fucking with them?”

“Hell yeah!” Oscar exclaimed, “Once I caught wind of the fact that they didn’t think I did shit in the bedroom, I became very obnoxious when rubbing what happens between Y/n and I in their faces.”

Y/n cooed jokingly, “Aw, Osc, was your masculinity damaged?”

He rolled his eyes at her, laughing at her dig and pushing her away softly. They came back together, though.

“Before we move on from this subject, I want to ask Y/n, was the over six inches comment really true?” Samantha eyed her as Y/n glanced beside her at Oscar, silently asking him if she could do what he knew she wanted to do.

He nodded at her, shaking his head lightly as she said, “A lady never kisses and tells.”

Silence passed as she raised her hands and aimed them around nine inches apart. Winking suggestively at the camera, the women in the room gasped.

“IS THAT NINE INCHES?!” Samantha screamed, causing all of them to fall into a fit of giggles.

Y/n brought the microphone to her mouth and whispered, “Oh, yeah, it is.”

[agentmarvel]

Can we have headcanons of fem!reader wife x 141 guys and how they each handle her leaving for girl’s night out in a really skimpy dress?

I think they’d all have hilarious reactions.😂

Omg yesssss

NSFW under the cut

MDNI - 18+

♡ Price:

Oh lord, that man is NOT letting you out of the house.

"Where ya think you're going in that?"

gets a little pissy when you remind him you have one girls night a month, and you have every right to wear whatever you want

"Doesn't mean you have the right to show anyone else what's mine, love."

will physically block the door with his whole body, knowing you won't be able to move him unless he allows it

he isn't mad - no, quite the opposite! it's taking every ounce of his self-restraint not to rip that damn thing in half and have his way with you right there on the foyer floor

"John, move. I don't want to be late!" - "Shame... You should've thought about that before you put on something you know damn well I can't resist."

he thinks it's cute when you argue with him, but you both know this ends up with your front pressed up against the door, panties pulled to the side, and his cock buried to the hilt inside you

after he cums, he pulls your panties back into place and gives you a harsh swat on the ass, not caring that your make up is a little smudged or that your legs are jello while he's giving you that smug look he wears so well

"Enjoy your night out, Mrs. Price. Hurry home."

♡ Gaz:

he's on you before you even walk out of the bathroom after you finish your hair

wraps his arms around your waist, puts his chin on your shoulder, tells you how pretty you look

"This dress new? Haven't seen it on the floor before."

ohhhhh, he is so down bad for you, even after as long as you've been together

makes it a point to grab a quick selfie bc he knows it's a solid confidence booster, and he wants you to feel as beautiful as you look

it doesn't really cross his mind that anyone would try anything on you - you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, and he knows who you'll come home to; he knows who's bed you'll be in tonight, who's name you'll be calling in the dark

he even helps you pick the right shoes, even though you know he picks his favorite pair in hopes of seeing you in just those when you get home

ever the gentleman, he walks you out to your car, reminds you to drive safe, call him if you have too much to drink, etc.

he does, however, make it a point to send you some downright raunchy texts and a photo of his more... physical reaction, just in case you needed some motivation to come home a little early

when you get home (early), he's still riled up; he's too impatient to wait for you to make it upstairs, much less to unzip your dress for you, so you end up riding him on the landing until he's too tongue-tied to keep telling you how hot you look

♡ Soap:

you're not making it out of the house. Period.

the SECOND Johnny lays eyes on you, it's over

he's grabby as hell, digging his fingers into any part of you that he can - squeezing your ass, your hips, your thighs, tits, tummy, anything - while he navigates you to the nearest surface

"Yer so fuckin' pretty, baby. Never seen something so fuckin' perfect in my god damn life."

it doesn't matter if you end up on the couch, the kitchen counter, in the back yard; he's eating your pussy like a death row prisoner's last meal until you're crying, trying to wrench his head away with the hair tangled in your fist

he has your dress bunched up around your waist, straps pulled down so he can play with your nipples, but uses the whole garment as leverage while he fucks you stupid

you should've known better than to put a t-bone in front of a starving dog and expect it not to bite

"Go ahead, bonnie; text your little friends, tell them you're not gonna make it, yeah?"

♡ Ghost:

"'course, love. Have fun, be careful, call me if you need a ride."

Simon isn't too worried initially; he knows there isn't going to be a single soul in that bar willing or able to face his wrath should anything untoward happen. but then he actually sees what you're wearing, and all bets are off

that's why he follows you, he tells himself, it has nothing to do with the insatiable urge to destroy your ability to walk tomorrow

nothing trumps your safety, in terms of his priorities. he's simply here to look out for his wife, right?

wrong. he spends the next hour and a half watching you from a darkened corner of the bar while his palms itch with a need to touch

opportunity knocks when you excuse yourself from the table, and he follows you into the restroom, slipping in before you have a chance to lock the door

you're not surprised to see him (duh, you know him better than just about anyone), but you are surprised to find yourself bent over the sink, looking Simon in the eye through his reflection. he's fucking you mercilessly, spewing absolute filth while he pulls your head back by your hair

"My perfect little whore, hmm? Waltzing around in that tiny dress, wearing my fuckin' ring, rubbin' it in everyone's faces that you only open those pretty legs for me."

he wants to cum on your face, but you pout about the possibility of it getting in your eye, or worse, on your dress, so he settles for letting you swallow it instead

his impulses return not much longer after you return to your table; instead, he texts you that he's ready to head out, and you are all too quick to oblige

[sugawhaaa]

💄Ateez smut headcanons💄

🌸Cock sizes/description🌸

A/N:: this is all for shits and giggles and should be taken with a grain of salt. Also these are just my opinions and if u disagree that's okay 🥰 u let ur little delulu mind go wild pookems <3 don't ask why Sans is a whole ahh essay compared to the other members idk...he's not even my bias...

Ateez smut h/c links:: here

Hongjoong

I think we need to praise this man more tbh. He probably doesn't have a very thick cock but I know that thing is long as hell. If you're the typa person who likes deep throating you should fear this man because there will be a bulge in your throat. It twitches a lot when he's about to cum and if you pull back you can physically see it inch back and forth in desperation. He may not have all the attributes to be associated with a "Good cock" but the main point is he knows how to fucking use it ;)

Seonghwa

Veiny as fuck. Similar to hongjoong, it's not very girthy per se but it is long. His main strength though is the texture on it. His veins are always bulging out like they're about to explode and his tip is very defined, the rim around it adding good texture. Another strong point he has is if you're doing reverse cowgirl or doggy style he has massive balls. I don't care how weird you call me I can just tell he does and they'd feel like heaven slapping against your clit.

Yunho

We got another long boy up in here but he's definitely thicker than the other two. His shaft would be so smooth, like silk omg I'm going insane. And his tip even more so. I feel like he's generally a pretty sensitive guy but that makes it all the more fun. When he first pushes past your tight walls just hugging his cock for dear life it'd somehow make him even harder. Also the rim to his tip has to be the thickest thing to face this earth dear lord.

Yeosang

Okay, this might be a hot take...I've seen other people headcanons for this prompt and everyone's like "he's a little baby!" No. Have you seen this man's body? Sure his dick might not be the longest of the group but it's thick and veiny as hell. Pair that with his massive and sensitive balls and you have better penetration than any of those 10-foot-long cocks.

San

This man...have any of yall seen that photo that was trending on Twitter where he was showing off the tattoo on his waist and there's a bunch of veins leading down his pants? FUCK BRO. (If you haven't I will post it for all eyes to see bc I literally busted on the spot) San is similar to Yunho in a lot of ways except more textured. He's got this perfectly shaped cock with a slight curl to it when he's hard, veins trailing right to the tip, a rosie red tip that's oh so sensitive to the touch, but he doesn't know how to use his beautiful cock 💔 not to say he's a complete dumbass when it comes to sex bc...let's be real but he's just not as skilled as he'd like to be 💔

Mingi

I have a simple statement to start off Mingi. Long and strong. Mingi has everything but his main strong point is his length. He's probably the longest in the group and God he loves abusing the power that comes with it. He loves to tease you with his tip, just barely putting it in and making you beg for him, making sure you include something all the lines of "put your long cock inside me" I feel like Mingi also has silky soft skin on his shaft like AH-sorry.

Wooyoung

Once again I feel like we need to praise Wooyoungs cock a bit more. He's very similar to Mingi. Definitely the second longest but his setback is he's quite thin and that's why he abuses circular motions in your pussy/ass. He'd sit you on top of him and roll his rough tip around every inch of your little hole, occasionally thrusting up into the sensitive spots. His lack of girth sounds like a big loss but he loves it, being able to tease to such an extent.

Jongho

Similar to Yeosang in a few ways. He may not be as long as a light post but he's got the girth and the veins. Once again he'd have heavy balls too, eager to slap against your ass or clit and it'd drive him WILD. He absolutely adores making you ride him in cowgirl and making you grind on his balls.

[teddybeartoji]

here are some very random martial arts headcanons for some of the jjk characters bc why the fuck not. btw yes i am aware that most of them practice more than one style of fighting i just think that these are smth that they'd really like as well!!!!

toji likes brazilian jiu jitsu – he got into that a bit later in life, he did more hand-to-hand combat training when he was younger but ever since he discovered brazilian jiu jitsu, he's been obsessed with it. he can use his size and his strength, and his whole entire body and that makes him feel very confident. he's very good at those on the ground throws,, like when he's being pinned down, he always manages to literally toss the opponent off of him and then immediately put him in a hold. it looks incredibly easy when he does it lmao

satoru likes muay thai – HE LOVES DOING SHIN KICKS idk he's so into them. he looks like a maniac when he's fighting btw he's constantly smiling and it's a little scary (it's very hot). since in muay thai there's a lot of elbow and knee hits too you can get very up close to your opponents and i think this is also something he really likes!!!!! mmm during fights he also likes to rile his opponents up lmao

suguru likes wing chun – suguru is the only one i struggled with assigning just ONE style bc i feel like he's veeery very into different types. but wing chun is very fast and it involves punches and slaps and just redirecting the hits coming your way,, wing chun fighters always look so calm while doing it and idk i really think this could be his thing. honorable mention goes to aikido!!!!!!!! he likes it when he doesn't have to hustle around too much, he likes it when he can just put somebody in their place with a mean little grin on his face.

sukuna likes kickboxing – he's all abt that raw power. he loves throwing punches and he's very similar to satoru in the sense that he too, looks like a fucking freak when he's in the ring. they both love the adrenaline so fucking much. in contrary to muay thai, kickboxing has more leg kicks, sooo you can keep your distance a bit more but he's more than fine with that bc that way he can truly show how hard he can hit lmao he has an insane right hook aaand he also really loves doing high leg kicks:333333

megumi likes judo – takes after his dad:3333333 he trained a lot with toji when he was younger but since toji rarely let him win it was mostly just little gumi being a grumpy little sea urchin lmao the fighting styles are both mostly abt grappling and ground work buuut while jiu jitsu is more abt making the other submit by putting them in a hold, judo is more abt throwing ppl around and megumi really likes that. it makes him feel really strong. (he likes to stare down at his opponent after he's just gotten the point i think he can be very mmm cocky sometimes lmao)(he learned that from toji)

yuuji likes wrestling – HE'S THEE BOY EVERRR!!!!! ofc he works out a lot but he's got soo so much raw strength and he loves it when he can put that into use. he's won like SO many competitions lmao i think he's very lighthearted abt the fights though and he has literally no beef with anybody (kind of like hinata yk?)(others definitely have beef with him though bc he's so stupidly strong lmao) he's very concentrated during the match but the second he's won he's got a bashful big grin on his face!!!!!!!!!! he enjoys the sport a lot a lot a lot!!!!

nobara likes taekwondo – IT'S SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she loves it and she has been practicing it ever since she was little. she loves kicking and punching she's very energized all around!!!! SHE GOES TO COMPETITIONS ALL THE TIME TOO!!!!!!!!! oh and she and yuuji are constantly sparring despite the fact that their styles are so different lmao (yuuji will get his ass beat bc he's kind of.. afraid to throw nobara)(but then gets called a 'pussy' bc nobara says he should fight her with all his might)

[horce-divorce]

My friend just moved to a her grandmas old place and she doesn't have internet, so instead we dug out Grandma's trusty VHS collection and watched a bunch of movies from the cusp of Y2K. We also have plans to dig out more because this is our thing now, fuck Netflix. So here's my reviews so far:

Holes. what a GREAT fucking movie. Good message that is blatantly anti-prison industrial complex and anti-capitalist. good morals, good soundtrack, great casting, the author of the text wrote the screenplay so it hits hard like the book does, the romance between Kate and Sam will be goals to me forever. "I can fix that"!?!? KILL ME JFJDJWKWKFNJRNE 11/10 good shit. youuUuUUUU got to goOooOoo dig those hooooles 🎶

Another one that's still good? POTC: curse of the black pearl. Yes it's Johnny Depp Disney Garbage Trash, but it's WRITTEN SO WELL. Whatever writers they got for that shit obviously have written many a fanfic (positive! praise!!) bc the dynamics and dialogue btwn characters flow so smoothly. It's absolutely and utterly unlike real life, it's just the pirate story we all always wished we could be in, and it's still an absolute blast. for that I award it 9/10. This one was funny bc it came out on VHS in time for the commercials to be advertising DVDs.

Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius? This one's hard, cus this was one of my FAVORITE movies growing up. I noticed going in, however, that I remembered far less about what happens to Jimmy and his friends then I did about Caveman. Basically all I remembered was Jimmy's dad is stupid, and "when I sneeze it looks like a advanced species too." and that's bc Jimmy Neutron is a completely vapid and inane tale with absolutely no message, that unfortunately did not stand the test of time to me personally. It's pretty much unremarkable. they try to mix the "he's a genius baby" humor with 5th grader booger jokes and it just doesn't work, the booger humor doesn't land for adults and the genius humor isn't quite smart enough to be actually funny most of the time. Tbqh I think watching this as an adult gives me more ideas for horror movies than anything else. They go into space ON ROLLER COASTERS, WITHOUT HELMETS!!! They're fighting an entire civilization of space traveling ritual sacrificing EGGS and they have A SINGULAR! ONE! CHILD! ARMY! TO FIGHT THEM!!!! THEY CANT BREATHE OUT THERE! that's too scary I can't take it seriously lmao. 4/10 with all positive points going to Jimmy's hot mom and himbo dad (ideal romance tbh and where 90% of the humor comes from), Carl, Sheen, and Cindy, for screaming "THOSE FINDINGS WERE INCONCLUSIVE AND YOU KNOW IT" during their first on screen fight, that joke did actually land so they can have a cookie for it. And the teacher who gets turned small and gets left that way forever. What the fuck lmao

We also watched Pocahontas and I mean. Even as a kid watching that one was more of a lesson in "here's how NOT to talk about history," and as an adult, her "romance" with John Smith is more weak and pathetic than anything I've ever seen before or since! We got to "Savages" and all I could think was "Disneys orchestra really put their whole pussy into this one, huh?!?" I wish I could say the rest of the movie/soundtrack made it worthwhile but I'm gonna go with a solid 2/10 here. we still had a fun time tearing into their choices, and the aesthetic of an old Disney movie watched on VHS like nature intended is a form of ASMR. I didn't realize how much I missed the clackety clack of the plastic cases or the smell of a warm, freshly rewound tape. <3 good shit.

Stay tuned for more of my 20 Years Later: VHS Reviews No One Fucking Asked For! we're holding out hope that her parents still have my friends own VHS collection bc her and her sister used to have a banging VHS collection and I NEED to see Quest for Camelot.

[lafcadiosadventures]

Madame Putiphar Groupread. Book Two, Chapter XXXVIII

𝔇𝔢𝔟𝔬𝔯𝔞𝔥'𝔰 𝔑𝔢𝔴 𝔖𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔤𝔶

Boucher's la toilette, not a luxurious brothel as the one Debby is locked but fitting bc: trendy asian art, implied sex work as titilation, the obligatory pussy cat lying between the woman's legs while she fixes her garter, ect etc.

{team putiphar @sainteverge + @counterwiddershins }

Debby surprises the madame with a few gestures:

she leaves her door unblocked,

although an attempt to starve her was made (as Putiphar instructed) she shows her table is still full of fresh food from the first banquet she was offered. Bit of a power move from Debby, even while using a soft voice and feigning submission

She appologizes for the scandal she has made calls herself a fanatic, and blames her reaction on her austere, puritan education.

It's very effective. Madame totally bites the bait. It helps that she wants to believe her, it's less about the enormous pressure her bosses put her under but more about how Deborah is her exact type and the prospect of her having suddenly changed and becoming a willing disciple doesn't seem too good to be true at the moment, not under the lustorama vision eyeglasses she is wearing. (but I don't think we should underestimate the Madame, she is shrewd, has experience manipulating and exploiting people, etc)

And manipulate her is what she immediately proceeds to do, complimenting her for the destruction of the pornography and trying again the story of the former lodger who was a pervert etc. She asks her not to mention anything to “Gonnesse” and to join her for dinner, expressing concern for her pregnancy. The Madame states she wants Deborah's child to be as good as her step child (Deborah's spontaneous reactions are surely repressed, a pleasant smile and a nod here and there, she's just containing her disgust at the whole situation, she is playing her hand adroitly, given the fits of violent rage of her father, we imagine she knows how to conceal her true reactions, even if she is usually portrayed as an open and sponateous and passionate person).

As is the house's modus operandi, the Madame proceeds to change Deborah's clothes as if she were a doll (a blow up doll)(Borel's approach to this scene is similar to the previous sexual encounter between Deborah and the Madame. it's arousing for the madame and extremely violent for Deborah. However, since Deborah is pretending and repressing her reactions, strategically feigning pleasure perhaps -as we can deduce from the opening lines of the next chapter, since she fools the madame so well, too well for her piece of mind- her reactions aren't shown to us. This is perhaps the most interesting thing Borel does in this chapter, having his narrator withdraw from Deborah's true emotions while she is pretending. It's almost as if he wants us to see the surface of her act alone. Why? To encite us? To provoke admiration because of how convincing she manages to be, despite her immense repulsion for the Madame? We already know she is disgusted, we do not need to hear it again but the procedure has interesting implications. Deborah becomes a Copelia, or like Lucien Chardon, a human peau de chagrin, a magical object people can project their dreams and desires into.

So Madame continues with the dress fitting, and she obviously takes the chance to grope and stroke Deborah while she arranges the dress in the more flattering ways. (the dress is the color of burnt bread. Remember that poll by sainteverge that had all the gross/weird/off putting names of the trendy colors in the ancièn régime? Fun times. Would link it if tumblr had a functioning search function smh)

Borel loves his acid humor, he employs ridiculous terms for Deborah's body parts (perhaps echoing the euphemisms of the libertine novels, but deliverately avoiding being enciting imo. He calls deborah's ass her rounded stern, as if she were a ship, the dress were the sails and the madame its clumsy sailor trying to command it. Her fidgety movements he adds, resemble those of children playing la tour prends garde, it's a burlesque registry of speech miles away from erotica. However, Deborah's shoulderblades also form under the madame's touch a valley interrupted by the ravine of the vertebrae. (interesting language, not necesarily erotic, but still sensual. the geographical/topographical terms echoe the idea of Deborah as a personification of her country, and maybe it's just me but the vertebrae mention make it a teensy bit morbid andrea vesalius core. Interesting and unexpected change of registry) When madame is done with her grotesque dress fitting, she brings Deborah a capse (a latin word in use in french. the root of the word caise, a case, used according to my editor to store scrolls, not jewlry. capse->diminutive capsula, etc) the case contains the portrait of the king in a trendy watercolor miniature. The Madame names him as Gonesse-but Debby knows better... and surely the king's ephigy was know by the people? via coins? art, etc?? does it make sense for the madame to lie like this?) -. The portrait depicts Pharao dressed as a “gallant adventurer” The madame, emebllishing the story bc she underestimates Deborah, or reproducing supersitions of the day re: divine powers of Royals, assures Gonesse has imbued the medalion with magical powers. It is to lie on her bosom until he can lie on it himself. Deborah claims to be unworthy of the excessive attentions of the “count”.

The Madame asks what Deborah thinks of him. Deborah continues to humour her and calls him handsome (Louis XV is represented as a handsome, plump and androgynous as a young man and in his fourties as an average to handsome man, the portraits surely flattered him, but even if she saw no Patrick Fitz Whyte represented, Deborah doesn't have to be LYING WILDLY here, it's not like being shown a hapsburg by velasquez as your future patron in bed.

But she surely is... overdoing it a bit when she says Gonesse has a regard full of friendlyness, a noble and apealing figure. The Madame comes undone. She cannot anymore with Debby's adorableness. We assume the groping resumes as the Madame beckons her calling her divine and an amour. The curtain falls, end scene.

[yelenghs]

I just saw your horror au! Yelena post can you explain a bit bc I kinda wanna know more ifykyk👀

most of this is horror/gore!! it gets spicy btw

no bc. i imagine Yelena to be kind of like.. a succubus? but not exactly a demon. she lures people in with her charm and when they least expect it, she swallows them whole. literally.

when she targets men, she tends to mold and shape herself into their ideal woman. of course, she still has her natural traits (blonde hair, dark eyes), but she will stop at nothing to get to her prey. that goes for her personality too. she knows how gullible men can be, and she takes advantage of that. once they take her out on a date and get her alone, that's when she strikes. when they take her home and lean in for a kiss goodbye, or expect a little something afterwarfs, she finally reveals what she really is. inviting him in, she'd start stripping herself of her clothes. of course, at this point, his guard is down. he's almost naked and waiting on her bed. once she's nude, she crawls on top of him. her hips straddling his, just above his crotch. she'd start pressing kisses to his neck; once he's in a trance of pleasure, she strikes. her stomach would tear itself open, ribs protruding from her chest and clasping onto his shoulders. sharp teeth would line her torso, coated in the blood, guts, and grinded bones of her previous victims. no matter how much he struggles, it's too late. he's fallen into her trap and she has no intention of letting him go.

however, when she targets women, she takes the form of her most natural self. tall, slim yet toned figure, short blonde hair, onyx eyes, broad shoulders, masculine with features much too soft to be a man. yelena makes the most effort with women. she knows how observant they can be, but she also knows how naïve they can be as well. it takes her longer to get to a female victim, she enjoys taking her time with women and leading the way herself when it comes to them. usually after the 3rd date is when she strikes. taking her home with her, she'd go through the same process she does with a man. but, she's kind enough to finish her off. giving her the night of her life before devouring her victim the night of her life before devouring her in her most vulnerable state. there's also a difference in how she eats women as well. when she eats a man, she eats him whole. savoring the taste of his blood, nothing more, nothing less. yet, when she targets a woman, she has the full intent to savor everything. it's always legs first with women. and she won't lie, she's always preferred eating women to men. courting them as well. they put of more of a fight, and theyre so diverse as well.

yet in the end, it's always the same outcome. get laid and get devoured.

also a little more on horror au! yelena (smut wise + general)

extremely long tongue. can grow infinitely but she gives it the appearance of a normal tongue as to not freak people out. she only uses it when she's giving head or making out with someone.

she hates admitting it but she thinks a girl's cum is just as addictive as someone's blood

sometimes she feels bad for killing someone she was genuinely interested in, but girls gotta eat🤷‍♀️

sometimes she opens of her torso mouth thing just for the fun of it when she's alone. toys with her teeth and cleans it occasionally.

only eats from her mouth to look normal it front of others. she hated eating with her mouth on her face, it makes her feel uncomfortable and she never gets full that way.

pussy professional and a cock connoisseur.

doesnt enjoy receiving pleasure herself but lives for giving it. mostly because she isnt used to it, and doesnt find any use in it if she feels pleasure herself. doesn't find it satisfactory.

[tezzbot]

now I'm curious, what other opinions abt the dub do you have 👀👀👀 me and my friends think karamatsu sounds like markiplier

RAY CHASE BESTIE I AM SO SORRY but no youre rightJKGHFJGH

THIS GOT LONG IM PUTTING A READMORE

i do actually really really like Ray Chase as kara but the way that Nakamura pitches his voice down for him and then when something karamatsu isnt like. prepared for or whatever happens he goes back up into his regular vocal range or sometimes a bit higher really adds to karamatsu's whole. everything HJGKHFJGH LIKE his whole identity pretty much IS performance so even his voice being part of his front is so fun to me, Ray Chase's voice feels so naturally deep and smooth that its like. his voice is Too Cool for kara yknow like his voice being Actually cool? karamatsu fucking wishes JHKGJFGHD BUT i do think he is one of the better choices that the casting directors made compared to the rest of the brothers

(AGAIN NOT SHITTING ON THESE EXTREMELY PROLIFIC AND TALENTED VA'S this is just my opinion of them as the ososan characters)

like i said before i have Absolutely zero qualms with Max Mittelman as Totty literally thats a match made in heaven I think he was perfect for the role n absolutely killed it hes so funny and from what ive seen the writers actually gave him so many good lines big ups for todo likers

Kyle McCarley as Ichimatsu i honestly havent seen much of his performance but god did he put is whole pussy into the one episode where he INSISTS they have to respect each other, hes honestly really really good at maintaining the monotone voice while also conveying a lot of emotion through his voice its pretty impressive that he can do the yellingscreaming while keeping that up, Fukuyama Jun's like. jump from monotone to YEEEAAGHHK when ichimatsu is At His Limit is really really funny so i think that these two are pretty much on par with each other while putting their own spin on how the character . i dont know. expresses himself i guess. poggers :thumbs up emoji i cant use cus im typing on desktop:

in a ranking id prob put Ray's kara here but i already did him so. just. in case u wanted to know this is where he goes to me lmfao hes pretty on par with Kyle's ichimatsu to me tbh

Billy Kametz as Osomatsu honestly worked pretty well osomatsu is the most some guy ever and when u listen its like. a little over the top(obv bc its an anime dub) but its definitely a voice youd hear and go yeah ive probably walked past someone what talks like that, again Great delivery on some lines, he does sound a lot less SillyGoofy #girl... frat bro vibes in there tbh But i mean if he was american i guess he kinda would be huh GHJFGHDF he kinda lost how cheeky he sounds in jp also like there are moments but for the most part :( also the way they wrote him (again i havent seen much but from what i Have seen) he doesnt have the same I Love My Little Brothers energy idk how to describe it they all feel like they hate each other more rghjbhjgh

Sean Chiplock ouygugh im so sorry king but also not it for Choromatsu...... casting directors, voice directors, whoever else is involved in the process, if youre gonna cast around your initial reactions to how the characters are why doesnt he sound like a fuckin nerd!!! i get that hes initally played as a Straight Man but you didnt have to Just Some Dude him make him sound like the loser he is!! even like a little nasally! i also think he sounds a little too much like Billy's Osomatsu, (which again not the va's faults i feel its a voice direction issue) when they talk at the same time its kinda hard to tell em apart which might be on me for not watching enough and getting used to it but... sorrie... no from me

Michael Sinterniklaas i have so much repect for you but.... i already said in that other post, the voice they okayed..... everything he was made to say....... no. thats not jyushimatsu. that fuckin. companion character in some fantasy anime ass voice, his whole deal in the dub is too childish imo and i get why that was their first impression but oough his character suffers so so much for it moreso than any of the others.... they massacred my guy..... and this is absolutely not a dig at Michael, ive seen his other work hes incredibly talented, just everything they got him to do as jyushimatsu makes me take critical damage in real life my hp bar drops so so much

Also i really like Cassandra Lee Morris as Totoko but I feel like she doesnt capture the flip between teehee totoko chwwaaannn and KILL KILL KILL voices that Aya Endou manages, he voice is very cutesy, but i feel like she doesnt sound mad enough when totoko gets pissed WHERE IS YOUR ANGER? YOUR RAGE??? RISE RISE RISE RISE RI

also also Keith Silverstein as iyami is honestly really good i didnt really know what to expect but i feel like hes p spot on, idk how iyami-likers feel abt him though lol ask telly or sth HJGHJ

SORRY this got long but i probably was never gonna be happy with the dub, im not gonna get too much into the writing in the localisation but ough. it is Just a comedy show to the dub writers and i can respect that, but the show means a lot to people Because of the characters and how they clearly run deeper than they appear thats a huge part of the appeal for ososan imo and i feel like a lot was lost in the translation. But! it can be pretty funny sometimes and thats all it rlly needs to be, funny haha penis anime

im gonna try and give the dub another shot, ill do me best to grit n bear through it GHJFG

[bramblepurr]

ghoul identity hcs bc i am. a genius. and i see into all the dimensions and i understand. i didn’t include xenogenders or specific neopronouns bc we’d be here all week but believe me they r there!!

aether: he/him but also is OBSESSED with neopronouns he loves them so so so so so much. he likes when the other ghouls/copia use random neos for him n he gets to go OUGH!!!!!! and look them up Immediately. they just make him v happy. he’s a gay acespec trans man :)) no surgeries but he’s a bear babey that man is FUZZY!! and has TITS!!!!! the kinda size where if he wanted them to be gone he can bind n it just looks like he has the most epic man tits ever but also they r a grabable and holdable size.. swiss is his bra <333 also with ghoul magic if he wants them Gone Gone for the day he can just do that. as a treat. but part of him likes binding??? autism or whatever

dew/sodo/umm i also like the name ember for him: gay arospec transmasc. his gender presentation is uh gross possum. he smells of boy y’know. he/it but also not opposed to they but also he can be she babygirl in the bedroom sometimes. as a treat for being so polite. but he is a MAN!!! MAN MAN MAN!!! MALE!!!!!!!! he’s a gross man and he likes it that way!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain: baby angel he/they/she but also loves neos a lot also. sometimes at like 4am she will be on his pronoun-hoarding bs and will send aether a million pronouns to look at. transfem genderfluid!! but also a man. like she’s a boy? but he’s a girl. you understand. also acespec. and he is bi.

swiss: fucked up animal. stereotypical slut mspec. he/they trans man and would be the one of the group to ‘fully’ physically transition if that was a thing ghouls needed to do. i think ghouls have mostly magical transitions but sometimes they will decide to switch things out or to have scars as a treat. it adds to the presentation or whateva.

mountain: just a fuckin guy. he/they/it but also doesn’t care. no gender label king he’s just amab and does what he wants. aroace legend but that’s mostly just on paper this man truly is just. whatever. whatever happens happens y’know. has some sort of thing with swiss and rain but they don’t rlly label it but like. they kiss

cirrus: BUTCH!!!!!!!! he/she but is open to the other ghouls n copia using other pronouns if they want as a treat for fun. prefers he though. his gender identity is Butch. he’s a lesbian. i also flip-flop between transfem butch or transmasc butch with him so uhh. ig he does too!! ghouls!!!!!!

cumulus: trans LADY. she is a lady. she/her but likes when sunshine and/or rain hand her neopronouns like a cat catching a mouse. she’s a lesbian but also goes with the flow y’know. labels aren’t strict for her all she knows is be pretty kiss gfs

sunshine: transfem they/she/it and also a pronoun-hoarder. she is Crazey. she doesn’t rlly label her sexuality bc she is so no thoughts abt it but if u were to force her or bribe her she’d gravitate towards pan and maybe aspec but only sometimes aspec (sunshine u stupid idiot.. that’s what the spec means. spectrum. fluid. babe..) idk she just has NO IDEA!! and she is okay with it :)) they’re just out here

as a treat!!! copia: gay acespec trans man. he’s on t n has had top surgery but has put off bottom bc he flip-flops between wanting it and not caring all the time and he’s just Scared y’know. most of the time he’s just not thinking abt it and thinks pussy is quite convenient bc it’s just. not rlly there y’know. but if he thinks abt it for more than five seconds it becomes a whole thing and aether has to lay on him and purr until he stops thinking or he will just totally break down. oh also he/him but likes neopronouns like aether but more as like a fun little thing rather than any real significance y’know.

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Thursday, January 18th, 2024!

7:28am saw a pic of him on his brother's sc, looks the same as before. It was his brother's birthday yesterday and it looks like he had a lot of fun and I'm seriously proud of him. He deserves that shit.

As for any stirred feelings of him... Ofc he's gonna look completely normal in public, that's what they do. If he couldn't hold it together in public, he wouldn't have what little things he does have right now. I can totally see it now, like the bachelor party all over again where he blows his whole bank account OR lil ms bitch just paid for everything OR they really had the audacity to let the birthday kid pay for everything himself bc tbh he probably could and he's nice enough to not even mind genuinely. Who knew lil bro would be the most normal of the bunch, but again that actually makes me happy that he's normal lmao. But yeah, that karma will come little by little, slowly, death by a thousand cuts like he did to me. Enjoy your fun, we all know you're truly miserable on the inside you sociopath mf. When you go home and get in bed at night with just your thoughts, I know everything eats you up, completely drains you having to be so fake all the time. So, enjoy your parties before you become old and can no longer put up your facade. I'll be here, thriving bc I have always shown people my true self and *I don't lie* Lying will age you quickly my friend.

2:31pm I want to text him so much shitty stuff. I want him to know how much he fucked me up. He put so much anger and frustration and resentment in my life I hate him. I lost all respect and trust for him and can't believe he just ran away from it all. Fucking coward. Idk why I'm so angry today. Too much on my plate just too much I don't care about too much I don't want to do. I hate everything and everyone and literally just fuck everything. I deserve so much fucking better and I know now and I'm so angry at my former self. I can't go back, I can just go forward. Karma karma karma stupid fucking bitch. Fuck you fuck you fuck you I wish I could fucking choke you and inflict physical pain onto you so you could be shaking like I am right now. Shaking with anger and frustration I hate you I hate you I hate you.

8:29pm had a phone call with my school friend, even though we were talking about our project it felt good to just have an actual conversation with someone.... A normal person with no strange motive for talking to me. Loneliness does not look good on me. It literally makes me go crazy a bit. Just look at that stuff from earlier I've literally been mad all day long and it's just been building up inside of me. Insane I'm literally driving myself insane!! I just want normal give me normal boring please!!

11:32pm fuck leaving things until the last minute wtf is my homegirl doing like.... Girl I just did all the slides and you are literally AWOL I have no idea what the hell is going on 😂 my booty is literally sore from sitting here, I have no damn clue how in depth they want us to go with this, it's literally a fucking powerpoint, I feel completely clueless lmao. There's only like 2-3 big drugs used for this disease and just like ok..... And two much rarer medications for rare etiologies. I just want to crack open my bottle of wine, get dicked down and sleep in my own bed tbh 😂 I low-key hope that guy is on the same page or just kinda *forgets* about our conversation. I just can't with men rn. Tryna come over here for what?? Lmao I'm not about to have me a stalker no sir ik this pussy is good you wanna make me breakfast n shit aaaaaaa booty call on a Wednesday aaaaaa

[speedystarshine]

If I may, can I request how the different Matpat egos would react to the winged player (yn) picking them up and flying with them? (Bonus points if it’s out of nowhere and they don’t see it coming) I’m absolutely LOVING this blog!!

ofc, and ty for the kind words! I just used the same characters that I did in the 30 post :P

Characters: Matpat, Madpat, Mack (Crewmate/Engineer/Dictator), The Detective, The Hermit, Warfpat.

Matpat

screaming, crying, pissing his pants, calling his mommy,

No but don't he will actually throw up the second you reach the ground

He swears he hates you so much for that especially since it's highly likely that he was like hitting your chest to get you to put him down and then suddenly you're 10,0000 feet in the air and be like "yeah sure okay :D"

Demands you carry him half because he's petty and half because his legs are shaking so bad 😭

Bro had coffee too like. He loves you but his coffee man c'mon not cool :(

Demands hugs and kisses and literally anything that'll stop him feeling nauseous he's such a baby 🙄

Probably threatens to clip your wings but you know he's too pussy to actually do it/hj

Madpat

You made him drop his chainthrower :( 

(yes he calls it that he told me himself and also you owe him a new one and also here’s the marriage papers before you can process-)

Screams for like half a second and then just sits there like :T he’s processing okay- 

Honestly, he just clings to you like a koala, let him have his internal mental breakdown in peace 😭

You finally put him down and he doesn’t let go-

He comes back half an hour later looking as if he’s been crying and asks you to take him again so he can have his quirky y/n wattpad moment 

give him a hug bro just wants to look cool in front of you okay let him have that   :(( you don’t, and give him hugs instead :)) *cue mat standing outside the door like HUH?!?!? 😡😡🤡🥺😭*

He does genuinely find it fun, (and is slightly scared at the fact you can just fly up with him like he weighs nothing) but he will also cry-

he’s trying :(

Mack (Crewmate)

in space? :0 (I’m joking this is probably either on Earth or when y’all get to the new planet)

do. do you want to be single?/j

but seriously- his reaction would be similar to mat’s except its just non stop screaming the whole time :(

and then extra :( because when you two get down he won’t talk to you and just kinda follow you around with the 🥺 expression on his face. 

He needs hugs and ice cream and distractions asap right away bc he genuinely thought this was a murder attempt or sum (it wasn’t, but he doesn’t know that!! :dd)

Mark would laugh but he honestly just feels sorry for him because of the puppy eyes- 

probably drags him to you to make you apologize (Even tho you probably have 10000 times the second he started crying) He’ll talk to you again dw he just found it funny how you were so panicked at his reaction >:) manipulative shit-

Mack (Engineer)

“Captain? What are you HOLY FUCKINGSHITWHATTEHFU”

Kinda just freaks out and laughs nervously the whole time while tucking his face into your chest

the second you land, he is so pale. Like damn bro you need a minute-

in the most monotone voice ever, excuses himself to the bathroom, where the distant sounds of throwing up, sobbing, fanboying?? and other stages of grief can be heard 

he finds it hot 😭

Marks thinks its the funniest shit ever like full on kidney collapse knee slaps, table slams- Yeah he’s not ever letting Mack forget it even tho it was your fault

Don’t worry though, Mack will still hug you and hang out with you and stuff but he’s always tense as if your gonna swoop off again

he even starts bragging to the others as if he wasn’t a millisecond away from pissing his pants and praying

relaxes eventually tho :D kinda holds a grudge against you, but jesus just-

warn him next time if you want to do it again 

Mack (Dictator)

Haha what wings?

What freedom of limbs to be able to swoop in the first place?/j

no but you might actually want to start running after you pull a stunt like that, bro’s gonna pull fucking operation: hunt the bird 😭

his reaction is kinda funny but also not? 

lets out a yelp, and demands you put him down but in this very startled squealing tone- 

after he gets used to it glares at you with an ‘unamused’ expression but you’re so close to him that you can see this man is 👌 close away from crying

just kinda stands there and processes when you put him down and then immediately chases after you

he has a gun so you might want to be good at dodging mid air-

yeah you’re definitely in big BIG trouble afterwards but in your opinion it was totally worth it (unless that’s not the first time or prank you’ve pulled and he decides to clip your wings :((()

tbh the thing he’s most embarrassed about is the fact that there were people around to witness

calls the firing squad on those that tease him about it because haha funky dictator man >:D

The Detective

why? literally just why would you do this to him 

you will be paying for his therapy/j

he finds it really fun but would prefer if he doesn’t have that falling feeling in his stomach

or in his entire body. like at all

his glasses fall off halfway through. you will also be paying for-

he’s so polite about it too although his voice definitely breaks a lot 😭

you get halfway up and he goes “yeah uM y/n this is reAlly nice and all bUt can you put me dOwnokaynevermindholyshitfuckcuntbitchmotherfu” 

he just clings to you afterwards with an awkward smile like “hi <:)?” yeah he’s not letting go bestie you can say buh bye to privacy after that <3

he doesn’t throw up bc he’s a girlboss but definitely feels queasy after which is half of the reason why he’s still clinging to you

probably wouldn’t get it, but if he felt confident enough sometime later would ask if you can take him up again :)

and immediately regrets it- he finds it cool that you can fly though, even if he doesn’t prefer it!

tbh he just wants to see the sky and shit with you because he’s a dork and a simp and we love him 😌

The Hermit

are you sure. are you ABSOLUTELY sure that you would want to pull that shit with this man.

you ever hear the phrase “they’re either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid”?

i mean- okay. yeah sure. say you did

I feel like he’d be ready because the second he feels you about to prepare he just kinda instantly knows what’s gonna happen

ik his character is sketchy as hell and he keeps making it seem like he’s gonna kill you but bestie if you do pull this off you might figure out pretty soon where he gets all that food from

it’d definitely be different if you were his s/o, but just because you’re safe doesn’t mean you’re wings are! :D 

yeah but no he’s not having it why would you even do this

honestly the only scenario this happens and you don’t die or lose limbs is if you ask him first and makes sure he wants to because otherwise you’re next honestly 😭

absolute suicide mission and his reaction isn’t even fun he just gives you that polite strained adult smile while staring into your soul-

Warfpat

*sighs* its funny because I think this is the same way I started out the intro on the other post-

but yeah, crazy man would love it, you know he would. Probably giggles and shit as if he’s not suspended 20,00000 feat in the air being carried by a person who is shorter than him and theoretically shouldn’t even be able to carry him

because he can warp reality, I think he’d use that power to ‘spice things up’ with your little trip

and by that I mean you’ll endlessly be doing the loop the loop because he keeps flipping the sky upside down and noclipping you EVERYWHERE

bro the tables have turned because the second you land he’s clapping and wanting to go again and y/n is the one throwing up and shit-

he actually unironically finds it cute and its like a 50/50 on whether his exaggerated swooning is sarcastic or not

you drop him halfway up whether on purpose or just because you feel like being a dick and he teleports your ass with him 😭

wants to give you kisses mid-air because he would meanwhile you’re too focused on not crash landing into either his studio or the Ego mansion

There you go, sorry they took so long to do, I was knocked out cold today! :P

[cinnamonest]

Since people actually liked it here's the continuation of the modern Xiao camgirl!darling post I cut from the original, as promised, most if it's under a cut. Here’s the original post. I didn’t think people would actually like the camgirl concept so I thought I was rambling too much and cut this part out lol but here it is now!

Tws: derogatory language/female slurs, mentions of reader being a cheater, reader is promiscuous, murder, incel-y mentality (our modern boy would be a 4chan user, look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong) and mentions of upsetting realistic things, this one's darker than the first part. If you're bothered by other modern stuff for being too realistic best avoid this too probably, involuntary pornography ---------- Coming up on one year since you gained your most loyal subscriber, you get a rather... Unsettling request. He has something he would like this month, in fact, he adds a few hundred to the regular amount (he's been saving up just for this) and asks for just the answer to one simple question. What's your name?

Your real name, he clarifies. He doesn't need a last name, nothing like that. It would just... Make him feel closer to you. He avoids using the term "anniversary," even though that's what comes to mind. He also doesn't tell you that he already knows, that this is just a test of your honesty. For someone who's so cautious, you would think you would think to give a fake name whenever you go to coffee shops for them to yell out, or change it on the packages you get. You hesitate. And it would be easy to give him a fake one, yet, you don't really think about it too much, you kinda think about that as an afterthought, what you should have done, but your very real name is typed out and sent before you really process it, and you feel a sort of unease, but it's already sent. No big deal. He can't do much with just your first name, right? If your name is common, you feel pretty safe, but even if it's a rarer one, surely there are other people with it, right? He's happy though. Kinda surprised, really, that you didn't lie to him. Maybe you trust him?

You're not stupid, you know something is wrong, you're becoming paranoid. And you connect the weird feeling to him, bc he goes radio silence for several days leading up to finally taking you. This dude who used to respond to any messages you sent within 10 seconds suddenly... It's like he disappeared? He hasn't responded to anything you send him ever since you said your name. You send him messages saying you haven't heard from him in a while and you're worried... The way you word it makes it sound like you're worried about him, but you both know that's not what you really mean. You're hesitant and suspicious of every guy you meet. You buy pepper spray and start carrying some around, you nearly spray a poor guy who you thought was trailing you, turns out he just lives in your building. He makes note of it. He watched you buy it, and is quick to realize you always hold it in the same hand. That must be your dominant hand, that's an important mental note for the future, since you're more likely to try to attack him with that hand. He'll remember. He has a note in his phone with information like that. Height, weight, birthday, social security number, parents' names, school she graduated from. All in little bullet points. He adds dominant hand to the list. He's not worried at all really. Already watched you struggle to carry packages he could lift with one hand, your strength doesn't cross his mind as a threat. At first he just doesn't know what to say, and that's why he stops responding, he feels too awkward but... He starts to enjoy the weird feeling of power the whole situation is giving him. You're worried, you're constantly paranoid, and it's because of him. Now you finally understand the same feeling you inflict on him, how you consume his thoughts every waking moment of every day. It used to irritate him that you held so much power over him, while he meant nothing to you. Now, the tables have turned. You're forced to have him constantly in your mind, whether you like it or not, just like you are in his. It's giving you what you deserve. It gives him a feeling of significance. He matters, even if it's not in a good way. And he keeps telling himself that once he's all you have, he'll matter even more. He's smart enough to realize that if you're paranoid, you might have mentioned him by username to someone else, so to ensure he knows what to do from this point, he has to sneak into your apartment at night as you sleep. It's so unbearably tempting, you have no idea -- you're right there and so vulnerable. He has to hold himself back because he knows that if he so much as touched you, he couldn't hold back. But it's torture, standing there so close, watching your chest rise and fall as he fiddles with the phone. Even when he unlocks it with your thumb, he tries to hold the phone from an angle to do so, even if the skin of his hand grazes yours, it would be too much. You have a lot of contacts across your messages and a bunch of different apps. You have one guy in your online chat you've exchanged far more messages with than anyone else! Hundreds upon hundreds of messages, and huge paypal cash drops, who the hell is -- oh, wait, that's him. Nevermind. But, to his pleasant surprise, he's the only one of your... customers that you regularly talk to, the rest just have a few paypal notifications or clarifications on your policies, but no actual conversations like you have with him. Of course, that's literally part of your deal, he's literally paying for it, but it makes him happy nonetheless. But as he goes through your personal messages, he finds that you are... in no shortage of options. Like, holy shit. It was kind of expected. You *are* really pretty, that's how you have so many followers after all, but this is a lot. So many contacts named some variation of "DO NOT ANSWER!!!" or "creepy guy that forced me to give him my number at the club", etc etc. Plenty of unsaved numbers texting you to never get a response. You've ghosted enough dudes to make your place haunted. It's... kinda awful, really. It also kinda hurts his heart a bit more than he expected. You have so, so, so many options, even without the cam thing, he's more insignificant than he even realized. ...Well, for now, at least. He'll be significant to you soon enough. And then you seem to have a sort of "boyfriend of the month" deal going on, aside from that. Plenty of male-name contacts whose last exchange is a "don't talk to me again!" message from you, plenty of messages corresponding to the same time as those to your girl friends about how you can't find a good guy and every relationship ends badly. How unfortunate. See, it's because you choose bad guys. You probably go for dicks and not.... well, he can't exactly pull the "nice guys like me" mentality, he doesn't delude himself into thinking he is one. He's lucid enough to realize that most nice guys would not be sneaking into your house and standing over your sleeping body to stalk your phone as they make plans to kidnap you. He knows he would probably fall under the classification of a creepy guy. He's just too far gone to care. Still, he would be so much better to you, he tells himself, not a cheater or a player like you complain about. To say he resents those kinds of guys -- ones that can do the unthinkable and actually talk to girls, let alone successfully, only to be assholes, and yet girls like you still go for them -- is an understatement. You're basically just a slut, you probably ignore all the guys that would be nice to you, just like all those internet forums he reads talk about. Typical.

Well, those forums also make fun of guys like him who pay for girls like you, but he can't blame them. It *is* kinda pathetic. There is one dude you talk to, though, now. Current boyfriend of the month, from the looks of it. You have a little heart emoji next to the name. He knows it's kinda pathetic that something so simple and insignificant sets him off, but it does, makes him pout and grind his teeth and curl his other hand into a fist. It's so unfair. Some dude you barely know gets to fuck you, and you haven't even known him nearly as long as you've known him! He doubts this dude -- hell, any of your boyfriends -- has put in the same amount of money that he has into you. They fuck you practically for free. And that, unfortunately for you, only solidifies his decision. If you're fucking some dude for a month because they buy you dinner every now and then, if we're going by that scale, then you owe him quite a good deal of pussy. Any hesitancy or guilt he had about the whole thing is gone. And he's a little mad. Keeps grumbling to himself that you're just a loose whore, fucking so many people and putting yourself out there on the internet. He wonders if they even know about what you do. Probably not, you probably don't tell them. Yeah, that sounds like what you'd do. Really, you're kinda lucky that someone like him is so willing to commit to you, since you are a slut. You don't deserve it, but he loves you anyway. And you'll probably have the nerve to be ungrateful for it too. Sigh. On the bright side, by some miracle, it would appear that you have not told any real-life people about him, you haven't sent out any hey if I disappear you should probably look into this creep type of messages. But he can't afford to have you doing so in between now and when you move in with him, so, he decides he has to act within the next 24 hours. While he's here, though, he decides to do a quick sweep of your place. Makes note of what snacks and drinks you like, what brand of toothpaste and shampoo and the like you use, so he can buy some for you. Maybe you'll adjust better if you have some of your favorite things. And then, after days of silence, he sends you a message, says it's fine, his internet went out for a few days. He means it to reassure you, but somehow it makes you feel more uneasy. He has everything planned out, or so he thinks. But you deviate from your usual schedule. When you leave work or class, you don't go home, you go somewhere else, first. How strange. Maybe picking up groceries? He follows from a distance. No, looks like you're going out to eat...? Maybe you're meeting friends or family or -- no that's a guy. Fuck. You must have planned this just earlier today, since there were no messages on your phone. It makes a bitter feeling rise in his gut. He hates that he can't get close enough to listen to your conversation. Well, he hates the whole thing, sits there and seethes the whole time. Watches you through the windows in the parking lot, thankfully you chose to sit outside. Feels his eye twitch and his hand clench every time you smile and laugh. It takes way too long. The fact that you split the bill feels like a punch to the stomach too. Shouldn't you be used to taking guys' money? Oh, and what's this...? This guy isn't the picture on boyfriend-of-the-month's contact. Well, well, well. You really are a whore. See, it's a very good thing he's taking you off the market. You're probably a reckless heartbreaker too. He's doing all the other men of the world a favor by taking on such a burden as you. And it makes him feel far more justified in keeping you locked away, since he has every reason to believe, now, that you'd run off and fuck someone else if given the chance. Halfway through, the guy briefly gets up and runs to the bathroom or something. While he's gone, he sees your face fall a bit. And then he sees you look around. You turn your head from one side to the other. Your eyes scan the area. You shuffle uncomfortably and you bite your lip and your eyebrows furrow. You're scared. You feel like -- no, you know you're being watched and it scares you. That makes him a little happy, for some reason. He wouldn't be sure what to do if you went home with the guy, but thankfully you don't. No big deal, this was just a bump in the road, he still beats you back to your building and he still goes through with the original plan. Even better, now that it's even darker outside. If anything, now he's got extra aggression and testosterone in his blood, running over the events in his head and going through some... very forceful and violent fantasies. The message he sent had you uneasy, and it's also how you immediately know what's going on when it does finally happen. You keep telling yourself you're being unnecessarily paranoid, that it's nothing, maybe that guy actually got his life together or got a girlfriend or something. Things like... What you fear, don't happen in real life, that's stuff that only happens in movies and stuff. You keep calling it that or it in your head. That won't happen to you. It's not going to happen. The series of events that play out in your head, scenarios you try to push out of your mind. Sure, in the movies it always takes place in the stairwell, but that's fiction, so you go up the apartment stairwell as always. You're not gonna let a bunch of B-grade old films scare you. And it's always some dude standing and waiting, but that nice young boy that you've never seen before is just leaning against the wall, scrolling on his phone, he only glances up for a second as you pass by, he's not a threat, you're being paranoid. You flash a smile and a little wave as you walk by, he doesn't return either, just looks back down at his phone. See? This guy doesn't even care, you're being paranoid for nothing, you tell yourself. But as you make the turn to go up the next set of stairs you hear the click of a phone being put on the lockscreen, a few metallic footsteps ringing out in the open hall and echoing, coming up right behind you, but for that split second you expect a tap on the shoulder, maybe he has a question, it's not like movies, it's not like movies, you're not gonna get a cloth shoved over your face and--- Well, it's not exactly like the movies. You were prepared, but it all happens in one motion - one hand grabs the hand with the spray and twists it, making you drop it, the other wraps some material over your mouth. You were prepared enough that you don't gasp in surprise, you hold your breath and thrash, but it doesn't make any difference, you wiggle and writhe for a few moments but can't even begin to break free, eventually succumb to the lack of oxygen and take a deep breath. It takes a few seconds to settle in, it's not so immediate. You instinctively panic and thrash again, but he has a complete iron grip. The dizziness takes a second to set in. He huffs a bit in frustration and says stop moving, it's fine. It's definitely not, but it occurs to you that that's not something a kidnapper looking for any potential vulnerable girl says. It's a poor attempt at comfort. It's someone specifically looking for you. And if that wasn't enough, he says your name. Your very real name. Maybe it was a mistake to tell him after all. But the worst part of it all is that there's not a single doubt in your mind, even in your panic you have the realization, it's definitely him and this is literally exactly what you were afraid of. And it's the last thing that goes through your head. And once he's got you out cold he just takes a sigh of relief. He may have been very neutral faced to you, but in reality he was incredibly nervous. He hasn't exactly made or used chloroform before, our boy is operating on YouTube tutorials here. He's got adrenaline pumping through his veins and carries you with his arms trembling. He's on autopilot carrying you out, but his mind is also consumed by holy fuck I'm touching her she smells so nice she's so warm her face is so close I'm actually touching her-- you get the idea. He feels bad about taping your hands and feet together and putting you in the trunk of his car, kinda. It feels too much like what a really bad person would do to a girl they didn't care about, like he's a trafficker or a murderer or a criminal or something, but that's not true at all. Sure, he's still mad at you for being a whore and all that, but it feels improper, he just has no choice. It's late at night, but he can't risk getting pulled or being at a stoplight and someone seeing an unconscious girl in his backseat, so, trunk it is. But once he's home, to his tiny little downtown apartment (he'll probably be able to move into a better place soon, since he's not paying you tons of money anymore), he takes a quick check to make sure the coast is clear, and drags you out, up the stairs, all the way into his apartment, sets you down on the bed, where you'll be staying. He even washed the sheets and cleaned the place up a bit for your arrival. You probably would not like to see what this place looked like before the five trash bags worth of cleaning was done. He'll probably be more motivated in the future, though, since now he won't be so depressed all the time. And then the adrenaline of the fear of being seen is over, and that's when it sets in that this is real. It's very, very hard to hold back. You're real, in the flesh, he can reach out and touch you with his hands! It feels like a dream. And he realizes he can take this opportunity to do things he would be far, far too embarrassed to do when you're awake. He takes a few minutes to do just that, cautiously reaches out to poke your face, and then run a hand down your neck, your skin is so soft! Your hair smells so nice, he lays down beside you and runs his fingers over it. Puts hands on your body and just lays there in awe of the fact that you're real. He's pretty certain he's never actually touched a human female before now. Everything about you feels soft. Weirdly feminine, which is something very foreign and confusing to him. And he kinda uh... Loses it. Goes buckwild with just taking in every aspect of you. Again, since you're unconscious he can be gross and entirely shameless about it. Peels your clothes off and runs his hands and mouth over every inch of flesh, takes the tape off your lips and presses his tongue into your limp mouth until he's forced to let go to breathe, fingers you and tonguefucks you and sucks on your nipples and your neck. Lays pressed against you and just breathes in your scent. It takes every ounce of self control he has not to fuck you already. But he does jerk off a few times. That way he'll last longer, so it's a win-win. And then... you twitch. Tape goes back over your mouth. And then, you twitch again. And this time, you make a little "mm!" under the tape, you start trembling and he sees you try to pull your hands apart. You whimper. It sounds scared and distressed. He feels kinda bad, but it also makes him hard, and that outweighs any guilt by far. Besides, it's what you deserve after what you did earlier. You tortured him mentally, it's only fair. On the good side of things, you suppose, you don't have to worry about the usual fears one would have over such a situation - you're fairly certain he's not going to kill you, nor sell you. In fact, the bed you wake up on is pretty soft. You're naked and the tape is uncomfortable, but... At least he was considerate enough to give you a blanket. He does care about you, after all. First thing he says is asking if you're awake. Can you hear me? You hesitate a moment, and then you nod. He's a bit new to this whole abduction thing. He wants to make sure he didn't pull a muscle or something with the tape. So... Do you hurt anywhere? Does your head hurt? Oh, right, the tape. He's not stupid either. You have to promise you're not going to scream. In fact, he's angry enough about earlier that he gets a bit meaner than he originally told himself he'd be. If you scream, I'll make you regret it. Understand? You nod, so he takes it off, holding it close in preparation in case you were lying, but you don't actually answer him, you're silent again for a minute, then just ask a question of your own. You're that guy, right? He's silent for a few seconds, there's no need for any clarification. Finally just says yeah. You just breathe again. Silently. Finally you summon the courage to ask him what he wants with you. And why are you doing this to me? And his answer is fairly simple. What do you think? You don't say anything for a minute, and neither does he. He's not good with words, and you don't really have ones for this situation. It occurs to you that offering to pay him to let you go is probably not the solution. After all, this is the guy that's dumped unimaginable amounts of money onto you, you couldn't even come close to paying him back. You figure maybe, after he gets what he wants... well, you get the courage to ask.  Is there anything... that I can do o-or... anything that will make you... are you gonna let me go, after you....? And the answer is, again, simple, but the one you did not want to hear. No. He's a blunt boy, so he doesn't beat around the bush, but he doesn't torment you by keeping anything from you. In fact, he's already rehearsed this speech a few hundred times in his head. He just wanted to make sure he's very clear so there's no misunderstanding, and while he likes some discomfort in a vengeful sort of way, he doesn't want you to be too freaked out to where you have a panic attack. He says he's just going to... keep you here. He has the things you'll need. He got your purse with your keys, so he'll even run to your apartment after this to go get some of your stuff. You don't need to tell him which number, he adds, he already knows which apartment you're in. He needs you here, he says. And he makes sure to add that it's your fault. If you were never out there selling yourself in the first place, this never would have happened. If you're good, he can make things a bit better for you. But you need to go ahead and accept that you're going to be staying and that no amount of begging or offers is going to convince him to let you go. He can be nice to you, he promises. A better boyfriend than the others. You just have to be a good girlfriend -- you know, obedient and sweet and do what he says. Just like you always were when you talked to him. Just keep being sweet like that and doing the things he tells you to do. You would argue that the terms boyfriend and girlfriend are not appropriate descriptors of the sort of relationship he's creating, but you keep that thought to yourself. Instead, you ask, How long are you going to keep me here? Which is a dumb question, since he's pretty sure he already made that clear. Forever. -----

There's a double homicide in the area. Takes place on the same night, and the same diameter of knife is used, so police believe maybe the two incidents are connected. Especially because they do have something in common, one girl. She was romantically involved with both of them. The girl in question's apartment has been vacated, very suddenly, and the girl has disappeared without a trace, taking things with her from the looks of it, so police believe she may be responsible, but other than that, they have no leads. A few weeks later, a video circulates all over the internet. Some famous camgirl finally started making porn, apparently. Just one video, but the description (which was totally written by her, it has to be since it's written in first person right?) says something about how she decided to quit camming, so this video marks the end of her career. She got into a relationship, so she says in the description, so she has to quit. It's roleplay porn, apparently, she's doing a good job at the acting. All tied up and gagged and getting fucked by some big-dicked guy holding the camera. He's silent, but she's making a ton of noise, cums several times. Really good acting, the fear and desperation in her eyes looks so real. Talk about going out with a bang. It gets a lot of likes. Tons of comments about how sad people are she's quitting. And of course, a lot of comments say, what a lucky guy.

[444tsumu]

HAPPY 100 MARS!!!/&/&: AHHH! okay so i’d love a tier three if you didn’t mind! i wanted to know which 3 characters would smoke ouid and what you think smoking with them would be like? ily tysm!

▭ WHICH CHARACTERS SMOKE WEED?

includes matsukawa, hanamaki, suna

warnings drug use, explicit content, doing things under the influence, implied sexual content, slight nsfw.

authors note lol ik some people don’t like the whole “w*ed” and dr*g use hc but it’s all fiction and based on my own personal opinion (: i don’t mean to offend anyone lol i smoke too <3

This is a long one, beware <3 also it’s also my dream blunt rotation LMAO

                          𖥻 MATSUKAWA, ISSEI !

definitely the philosophical stoner

always has a question or an answer

depends on how much he’s smoked though

eyes get really red and he looks really hot

prefers backwoods over regular papers

always smoked regular papers though bc woods are bad for you (:

does that thing where they lick the paper and look at you at the same time

the hottest man smoking ever god please

always makes sure to have you sitting on his left so that he passes it to you first

loves smoking people out

doesn’t really care if you put in money or not

if issei is around, everyone is getting high

smokes makki’s unemployed ass out like everyday lmao

loves to hotbox

lights you up for the first time and tries to get you into another galaxy

“if you’re gonna get high, at least do it right”

definitely funny as fuck when he’s high

always definitely ready to fuck

very touchy when he’s high

will hold on to you for a long time and forget he’s doing it

but if you make him let go he genuinely feels the skin contact nearly rip off

calm down mattsun your possessiveness is showing

tries to explain all the different types to you but forgets mid sentence

literally cannot formulate a single structured thought

definitely leans in to make out with you more than once

loves shotgunning with you

already lazy but when he’s zooted he’s UNBEARABLE

he really does wanna fuck but ends up smoking too much with you because you played chicago and forgot

doesn’t really get hungry for food but munchies?

ate all of the snacks

has no remorse for his actions either

stares into the deep nothing for like 10 minutes

just to snap out of it and look around suspiciously

“do you guys hear that….?”

“…..no?”

“………..the paint is screaming at me?”

ok buddy don’t ruin this for everyone else

knows how to french & ghost inhale

has argued with makki many times over the earth being flat

doesn’t really think it’s flat

ends up believing it is after makki told him the world was actually dome shaped

has a grinder shaped like a dragon ball

not a peer pressuring kinda guy but thinks everyone should get high at least once

definitely gets iwa and oikawa to try

loves getting oikawa high cause he thinks the guy is fucking hilarious

laughs at everything

just a great guy, especially when he starts smoking

falls into a weed coma and doesn’t wake up for like 3 days though

treats it like it’s a regular hangover

definitely falls asleep with his entire body on top of you and no remorse for the weight

says “i’m fried” and isn’t embarrassed about it for whatever reason

he’s hot so no one judges him

                      𖥻 HANAMAKI, TAKAHIRO !

definitely a comedian when he’s high

always the funniest guy in the room

when him and mattsun are together though?

undefeated

him and issei both smoked for the first time together

after that though?

they became unstoppable

don’t get me started with after volleyball season ended

prefers bongs because he thinks he looks cooler lmao

everyone assumes makki is high but they don’t know he actually gets high

offers to smoke you out cause you’re hot lmao

makes fun of you when you cough

even though he still coughs

hates hotboxing because he can’t handle it

but refuses to pussy out so he’s always the first one to agree

in his own words

“my mother didn’t raise no bitch”

makki please

ideal smoking partner

is one of those people that fuck the passing rotation up because he refuses to pass it to anyone but you

secretly does it because he doesn’t want anyone else’s lips touching yours

prefers to smoke with just his close friends but doesn’t mind a session

doesn’t like shotgunning cause he starts thinking his breath smells bad

gives in anyways because he doesn’t want you doing it with anyone else

loves when you put your legs on him

the pressure gives him chills

makes jokes 24/7 because he likes hearing you laugh

can’t french inhale but mattsun taught him how to ghost inhale and he hasn’t stopped since

takes videos of himself cause he thinks he looks cool

realizes he looks like a fucking idiot but fuck it we ball

falls into a weed coma with his head on your lap and his phone unlocked and still on

does that thing where he lights it up with it in his mouth and looks really fucking hot while doing so

has a breaking bad rick & morty rolling tray and is really proud of it

gets really into music when he’s high

will sing along to all the songs while he’s packing the bong

as i repeat

looks hot while doing so

definitely a hungry high

orders food before you even get to ask

“makki, want some snacks?”

“oh nah it’s cool, i already ordered mcdonald’s”

“????? we just finished smoking????”

prefers smoking over drinking but will do both when he wants to go big or go home

eyes get really low

talks kinda slow but really deep and it’s fucking hot

laughs by throwing his head back and it’s really cute

gets cold when he’s high

it doesn’t matter the season

he gets fucking cold and it makes no sense

so he’ll need your body heat to warm himself up (;

                            𖥻 SUNA, RINTAROU !

a confused high

no doubt about it

this man never knows what the fuck is going on

ik everyone complains about the stoner!suna hc

but i think it’s fucking hot lmao

always has like 2 blunts rolled and on him at all times

is one of those people that will use any excuse to do it

“……(sighs) i’m gonna go take a smoke break.”

“suna we just got here??”

“exactly”

likes joints and edibles the best

not much of a hungry high or munchie high

but he hyperfixates on a certain food and will eat it until there is nothing left

ate an entire pack of gum in one sitting before

definitely watches cartoons the minute he starts to feel the buzz

rarely talks unless to pass it to you or make a single joke that has you about to pee yourself

he doesn’t say much but when he does?

the man leaves an impact

hates smoking with other people

doesn’t like when they fuck his blunt/joint up

hates smoking joints rolled by other people unless he watches them do it

always complains when you ask to smoke with him but secretly loves it

shotguns with you and acts like nothing just happened

hello sir how dare you make me fall inlove like that

forgets everything so don’t try to say anything important to him

zones out because he’s too busy imagining fucking

but then forgets about fucking and starts thinking about what’s on the tv

can’t hold a conversation but will go in-depth as to why spongebob squarepants was more than just a sponge

“no you need to listen to me, patrick star is much more than just his best friend—”

“….rin what the fuck are you talking about?”

“you’re asking me like i know? pass the blunt.”

definitely got into smoking in high school but didn’t actually do it like that until college

lies on his drug tests lmao

smokes after every win as a celebration and smokes after ever loss as a reliever

lmao seek help sir

definitely tries to get you to take your shirt off when he’s in the moment

swears it’s because he’s doing you a favor but really just loves how you look in his clothes when he’s high

doesn’t really know when to stop because he’s never greened out before

all his supplies is a simple shade of black

he’s a simple man

can do all the smoke tricks

but won’t do it in front of anyone cause he hates when people point it out

likes hotboxing because it gets him higher faster

is actually friends with the guy he gets weed from lmao

his perfect date with you was that one time you guys stood home and did nothing but smoke and watch family guy

tears up every time he thinks about it

has a picture of himself with two blunts in his mouth and his eyes really red and it’s really fucking hot

giggles even though he tries not to

uses pens when he can’t physically have weed on him

doesn’t really like it because the pen high makes him knock out after a few pulls

once rin falls into a weed coma???

don’t even think about trying to contact him cause that man might as well be dead

doesn’t wake up to save his own damn life

you can smack him and the most he’d do is probably groan and turn his head lmao

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

caryl first date headcanon

i wrote a stream of consciousness caryl headcanon i was thinking about when i couldn’t sleep last night. no i did not proofread it. yes it is rambling nonsense. yes you can read it if you want: 

so i genuinely don’t know what the timeline for canon is gonna be now that we got bottle episodes, s11, and the spin-off, but just for a moment let us pretend that it happens during the bottle episodes and then we have all of s11 to watch caryl trying to figure out how to navigate a relationship with each other

cuz like, they gon fuck right away, bc things are gonna get heated, and tensions are gonna be high, and they’re gonna snap like a trip wire and fucking ravish each other, that’s without question

so the first little while of their relationship will be mostly getting intimately familiar with each other’s bodies down to every last freckle

but once they’ve simmered down some they’re gonna need to address the “oh shit, wait, how does a relationship work?” problem

cue: caryl’s first date

it’ll take place in commonwealth, and i’ve never read the comics and i know jack all about it outside of what i’ve skimmed, but we’re gonna ignore that for the sake of my fun post

i know enough about it to know that there are definitely places to have a date

daryl knows this too, tho he doesn’t rly think about it right away. at first he’s more confused and sort of standoffish about the whole place, bc he was always a forest-dweller even before the apocalypse, so seeing this new metropolis-like place after years of living like a gd pioneer is gonna throw him way off kilter

right up until he’s chillin’ with judith and she’s talking about how she’s excited to see her first concert, and they have restaurants, and things she’s only ever read about, and then out of nowhere she’ll pull out, “are you gonna take aunt carol on a date?” 

and daryl will stare at her

and she’ll be like “rosita was telling me about how father gabriel took her on a real date and how nice it was. you should do that for aunt carol” 

and daryl will stare at her

and then will hastily change the subject (she’ll see right through him, ofc, but she’ll let it slide)

but the thought will stick with him, and suddenly he’s looking at the schedule of upcoming concerts and plays and wondering if carol would care about any of it. does she like shakespeare? the most experience he would have had with shakespeare was ripping out a couple pages of his school copy of romeo and juliet to use to light some firewood

but maybe she’s into it???

eventually he’ll reach the inevitable conclusion that the only way this is going to work is if he actually asks her to go on a date with him, which should be easy, right? like, he was ball’s deep inside her last night and told her good morning by putting his face between his legs, so surely asking someone on a date is simple

it will not be simple

bc yeah, they fuck all the time, and obviously they’re head-over-heels in love with each other, they’re each other’s soulmates, yada yada, but also daryl’s extremely emotionally repressed and has the romance skills of a fifteen year old having his mom drive him and his date to his first homecoming dance, only worse bc he never even went to any school dances

but after Dwelling On It for ages he’ll finally get fed up with himself and will vow to stop being a pussy. he’ll ask her before the day’s over or he’ll shoot a bolt into his own foot, ok, no more excuses

so the whole day he’s jittery af

you’d think he’s trying to pop the question, but all he wants to do is go eat dinner with carol and then watch some people recite lines from a play written hundreds of years ago, like, what is his Deal(tm)??? 

(his deal is, ofc, that he waited so long to have her, and now every new thing feels tenuous, bc he’d rather die than lose her, and sure she knows him better than anyone, but never in this context, and plus her last dude basically bled passion and romance no matter how obnoxious, and what if she realizes just how fucking clueless he is and decides she doesn’t really want to be with a middle-aged man who still gets tongue-tied around a pretty girl?)

(but also she deserves a gd date, alright? she deserves it, and so he’s going to give it to her, even if going face-to-face with a walker horde is less intimidating)

carol notices something’s off with him right away, but she waits until after dinner, when the kids have gone to their rooms and the two of them are alone washing dishes to ask, “hey, so what the fuck?” 

and daryl will be like, k, it’s now or never

and he will 100% make a fool of himself by stumbling alllll over his words, like, “nothin’s wrong, i’m fine, everythin’s real fine, i was just wonderin’ if mb you’d wanna, y’know, i dunno, they got all these shows and shit that we ain’t had in forever and i didn’t know if mb you’d wanna go see one? and mb get some food? with me, i mean. like, together. like i’d take you there and we could do those things, like a, you know, a date. but it’s cool if not, no worries, i get it if it’s not your thing, but i just thought i’d ask, but no, you’re right, it’s stupid, forget i said anythin’, hey look at the time, well i’m beat, gonna go to sleep now, goodbye”

and carol will go, “hold up”

and she’ll take daryl by the wrist before he can flee the room (bc he definitely intends to), and pulls him close and kisses him all sweet, and she’s gotta stand on her tiptoes to do it bc she’s in a pair of knit socks and he’s got his boots on so there’s more of a height difference than usual, and after she’s successfully managed to keep daryl from falling straight into a panic spiral, she’ll whisper, “i’d love to, let’s go this weekend”

and then she’ll just turn back to doing dishes without another word on the matter 

(bc, as previously stated, she knows daryl better than anyone, and she knows exactly what all his insecurities are and how much it must have taken him to ask her that, and so she’s not gonna harp on it or tease him)

(daryl recognizes this and loves her desperately for it)

the actual date is way easier than daryl expected

bc he spent all this time hyping it up, but when it comes right down to it, he just gets to spend a night with carol where they don’t have the kids to worry about, or any council business, and they just get to enjoy each other’s company

she even dressed up a little for him, which was unnecessary, but he most certainly appreciates it and can’t wait to tear the outfit off of her later

(it does make him regret the fact that he’s only had one pair of pants for the past ten years, but she doesn’t seem to mind)

they end up seeing a shakespeare play

daryl understands like 2% at best, but carol holds his hand and rests her head on his shoulder the whole time, and apparently it’s a comedy bc she laughs a lot, and that alone makes it worth it

they fuck like crazy when they get home, obviously

but it’s different than it had been previously, bc now their “togetherness” seems more solidified

like, they’re officially a “couple” now

like the type of couple that gets a babysitter for the night so they can go to the apocalyptic version of dinner and a movie together and then have sex and then fall asleep right afterwards bc they’re domestic af

and like, deep down both of them knows that this isn’t the life that they’re meant to live in forever, a la commonwealth/domestic bliss, and he wasn’t kidding when he told her new mexico was still out there, and he can feel a shift coming sooner rather than later

but he also knows they’ll be together when it happens, and they’ll figure out their own version of “date night” when they’re out exploring

but for now he’s content to do it the old fashioned way, though

when she falls asleep on his chest that night he rubs her back and kisses the top of her head, and he’s already planning their next night out

he might pick a show with modern english, though

but it’s not required

just so long as they’re together

the end 

[roonilwazlibimagines]

I feel like by now, if you didn't know that JKR made her books just a little misogynistic, you were hiding under a rock. Like yes, Hermione is a strong female character, but she said she made her as a sort of ugly duckling character that grew to be beautiful. WHY CANT SHE BE BEAUTIFUL FROM THE BEGINNING? Or WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE UGLY AT ALL?? Associating how much beauty one has with their intelligence is pure bullshit, and that right there is misogynistic. JKR is kinda misogynistic. I said it.

Also, to add to what I said about lavender and JKR and misogyny ect bc I have a character limit for some reason, was JKR just not loved enough by her partner or something? Like what is so wrong with just loving someone that you have to go and make one of your charcters get treated like trash bc of it? Hmm, nothing! You have internalized and fucked up issues bc of it. And that makes you a shitty person for doing that JKR. It really does. 2/2

I tried to keep my response short but it didn’t happen, I’m sorry. So if you want to hear me ramble on about Harry Potter and the internalised misogyny in it, please read :)

She is and I fucking hate it.

Like I really need to control myself because I could write a whole novel about this so I will try to keep this really short.

I know I said I never related to a character 100% but I simplified a really odd struggle I went through reading Harry Potter because I was 100% Hermione. Like down to the frizzy hair and the stubbornness and the fact that I took more classes than anyone at school, like I was all of her good and all of her bad.

But I hated it and I would get so upset whenever people said I was like Hermione and I think part of it had to do with the fact that they ‘perfectified’ her in the movies - which made her actually even more unlikeable and also made me think that I actually wasn’t Hermione because I wasn’t perfect - and the other part of it was that no one liked Hermione :(

Like everyone insulted her because she was a ‘know-it-all’ and she was only pretty when she tamed her frizzy hair and everything that she had that I saw in myself was made fun of or was annoying and when those things were gone she was liked.

And like you can have a character with flaws that other people don’t like without harming innocent young minds - it has been done!

Anyways I could go on and on about all the things I think are lowkey misogynistic and I will list them here because I want to share my opinions with people but none of my friends like Harry Potter

Literally what you said about Hermione and the ugly duckling trope which is so harmful to young girls who are positioned to look up to her as a heroine? (Make it make sense Joanne 😡)

The whole phlegm thing - I feel like this is a little out of character and like okay maybe Ginny didn’t like her because she didn’t want bill to leave (🥺) like he was the oldest, I get it, but the only reason they hate her is because she is pretty and trying to voice her opinions :(

Fleur in the tournament - I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I know Fleur couldn’t save Gabrielle because Harry had to save her and I know she couldn’t actually get to the cup in the maze, but !! It also doesn’t sit right with me that she is the only competitor not to complete two tasks

Fleur and Hermione - even though I do not agree with the way Lavender and Hermione were pitted against each other I also feel like it is kinda in character for Hermione to react the way she did (even though I think any time two girls are pitted against each other for a boy is bad writing I can maybe like 5% understand this - but also take away that 5% because their is definitely a subtext that Lavender is annoying because she is ‘girly’ - so I understand it 0% and idk where I’m going with this anymore) but Hermione had no reason to not like Fleur. Like she did not like her even in their fourth year even though they had never spoken !!

The whole Lavender thing - and I’m sorry the way that Ron speaks about her as if she’s annoying and he tries to escape her, like you said, I’m sorry that she loves you?? Like I know it was a bit intense but if he wasn’t head over heels for her he should’ve broken up with her a lot earlier and not dragged it on and led her on!!

The way that Umbridge is described - I know that Umbridge is a horrible person and I am not trying to defend her at all !! But I find it very odd that one side of her personality is just being girly which is definitely used against her because Harry always comments on how ugly her things are are. Like I get pink isn’t for everyone and I know when you hate someone everything they do is annoying, but like this is how Umbridge is introduced - The witch spoke in a fluttery, girlish, high-pitched voice that took Harry aback; he had been expecting a croak. Like she is introduced as being girly and idk it just doesn’t sit right with me. 

That stupid emotional range of a teaspoon comment - Sorry, I forgot, women are just really overdramatic and sensitive and boys don’t cry and therefore could not understand the female brain - not even when they are sharing the trauma of losing someone 

Harry and Cho - do you really expect me to believe that Harry Potter - the boy who spent his summer holidays after his fourth year having nightmares and feeling horrible about Cedric’s death - witnessed Cho Change - the girl who was dating Cedric - crying at the mention of Cedric (not that long after he died!) and went ‘lol why tf this bitch crying?’ and also don’t get me started on their date in the book because that angered me on levels you don’t understand. Like Cho’s reaction is what positioned a lot of people to dislike her. After five years of harry Harry Potter and the other two fuck up your school year I feel like everyone in Hogwarts knows that Harry, Ron and Hermione are like the best of fucking friends and Cho’s reaction honestly just felt like it was put in for entertainment purposes but I was not entertained. 

Snape and Lily - Yes I do think its reasonable that Snape got angry over never getting any pussy and decided to take it out on defenceless children. He is my hero. 

Draco and Hermione - look, I have nothing against people who ship fanon dramione because in very simplified terms they do make for the perfect love/hate trope and sometimes things aren’t really serious and it is just a means of escapism. But canon dramione is a horrible concept and I cannot believe that she actually considered making them date. Like yes, that is a really nice message to send to young and impressionable minds - I’m sorry but if that was canon it would be no more better than a ‘I’m dating my bully’ wattpad story. 

Anyways, I’m sorry I went on a massive but I’ve been holding this in for too long :( Basically the point of this is that I really do think pitting women against each other for very simple reasons and setting up a character as unlikeable because they like traditional girly things is really bad writing and you know what? I could honestly forgive that because it was quite a while ago - and even though I’m not trying to defend it or say that it was right- stuff like this was normal in media and entertainment and if she came out and said ‘yeah it was kinda shitty when I made everyone dislike the actual goddess Fleur Delacour because she was pretty’ I would be like ‘yeah, you’re right’ and move on with my life. But she didn’t and instead she showed us that she was transphobic and horrible and just plain misogynistic and now I (obviously) can’t move on.