#bc Will has access to everything in the FBI

[ashtraythief]

So, firstly, I just have to say, I mcfreaking LOVE your work. The Underneath series? Mwuah, chef’s kiss, changed my brain chemistry. I will forever be inspired by and cherish your work. Perhaps I can’t properly express my appreciation for your writing and the characterizations and world-building you’ve done, but please know that I appreciate your work dearly and it never fails to inspire me to write better every time that I read something of yours.

That being said, I was re-reading the Underneath series, yes? And I’m on the second chapter of Pressure Point where Busy tells Jared that Alona was the one to reach out to her. And I realized something. Although you’ve never touched upon it explicitly in your fics from what I can remember, I realized that, just like the other agents that aren’t on a case, her information is accessible on the FBI’s database, something of which we know Jared has access to. We also know that Alona is Jensen’s make-believe sister. In True Lies Jared mentions that Jensen had once told him that he and his sister look similar. What if Jared wants a photo of her? Or even just wants to know concretely how she looks like? I can’t remember if Jensen had actually ever shown Jared a photo of her — being that he was extremely protective of her because as we know he can’t let Jared get any sort of close to Jensen’s real identity which includes Alona in herself — but if he hasn’t yet, it makes me wonder (and scared!) how that might bring upon the beginning of the end for them. Because then Jared would be able to connect the dots. “Your sister looks like Special Agent Alona Tal? Your sister IS Special Agent Alona Tal???” And see the thing is, even Jensen doesn’t know that it was Alona that approached Busy. He just knows it was Morgan who set everything up. So he wouldn’t know showing Jared a picture of his “sister” is a deadly mistake.

Of course I’m not actually sure if Alona’s information is even on the database or if Jensen would ever show Jared a picture of his “sister,” but it was a possibility I realized while re-reading Pressure Point and rediscovering that it was Alona that approached Busy, not Morgan or one of the other agents.

Truthfully I’m scared of the possibility because obviously I love the boys and want them to live a happily ever after together! But I suppose I had to share my horrified thoughts with you and get some insight on this possibility.

Thank you again for all the work you do! I’ve gained so much from you allowing us to read your creations and I’m all the better for it. Keep doing what your doing and be proud of the work you are doing!

- An avid fan <3

Omg *flails wildly* nonnie, thank you so so much for your kind words, I'm kind of speechless. Obviously it means a lot to me when people enjoy my writing but knowing that it inspired someone is insane? And lovely? It's all the things and I have all the feelings now, and I can express them properly like the good writer I am lol.

As for your question, omg, that is a deep dive. And I get the anxiety, but I think the simple answer is that Jensen will never allow them to meet and never plans to show Jared a picture. Mostly it's because Jensen never thought the charade would go that far. I think Jensen never expected to be with Jared for years and that Jared wanting to see/meet his sister would eventually become a real problem. It could be now, but I think the longer Jensen is with Jared, the less he pretends to be in contact with his sister and as someone who doesn't have a lot of contact with his own family, I don't think that Jared finds it very strange. Esp bc Jensen's reasons for keeping her away from all the crime stuff are solid. So I think Alona/Jensen's sister aren't a problem. Jensen has other problems and liabilities that might be much more dangerous in the future 😅

And I can only return your sentiment, nonnie. My life has become so much better since I've started writing and sharing my stories. Sometimes knowing that people enjoy my fics so much they take the time to send me tumblr messages still feels absolutely batshit. In the best possible way. And while I am proud of (most lol) of my writing, l am most proud that I can write something that brings other people joy.

Thank you so so much 💙

[controlledchaosetc]

ok but that's just completely false. you realize that's not why, right?

Let me start off by saying: THIS IS NOT ME SUPPORTING WHAT THEY ARE DOING. THIS IS NOT ME SUPPORTING TIKTOK EITHER. THIS IS NOT ME SUPPORTING THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT. THIS IS NOT ME SUPPORTING ISRAEL OR BEING ANTI-PALESTINE. I fully fucking understand the nuance, and I don't want to be misconstrued right out of the gate.

With that out of the way, this has EVERYTHING to do with a fear of China and the Chinese government, and leaning more towards sinophobia than ANYTHING to do with Palestine.

Tiktok is owned by ByteDance, which is a primarily Chinese company. This is the first time any sort of Chinese app (or any international app for that matter) has truly gained such a HUGE foothold in the US. Over 100 million people use Tiktok in the US alone, which is big big numbers for a tech product from a country that whose previous largest social media tech products were specifically for their own national market (due to needing to split national and international products into 2 to comply with government censorship laws, and most international products not getting near the level of success Tiktok is enjoying. I'm also not mentioning Tencent and their gaming stakes here, talking solely about social media platforms). Now, the Chinese government has a small share of ByteDance (they DO NOT OWN IT TO BE CLEAR), and it is centered in Beijing. Because a Chinese company is collecting vast amounts of user data (to be clear again, every social media company does this), this is what has gotten US lawmakers worried that a perceived enemy has data and some level of influence on the American people.

This is possible, but let's be clear how fucking crazy it is that they're targeting Tiktok before dealing with, ya know, the homegrown companies that have provably shaped our elections and rage-fueled algorithmic pushes helped radicalize people for Q-Anon. It's only been US companies collecting international data, but now that it's China, everyone's clutching their goddamn pearls.

The widespread collection of personal data and ability to influence people is BAD, but it's not because it's China doing it, it's BAD IN GENERAL.

What the bill, called "Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications" (which lol lmao), does is this, according to NBC News (bc I can't do a better job saying it than what they said):

The bill, dubbed the Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications Act, would create a process for the president — through the FBI and intelligence agencies — to identify certain social media applications under the control of foreign adversaries, like China, Russia, Iran and North Korea, as national security threats. Once an app was deemed a risk, it would be banned from online app stores and web-hosting services unless it severed ties with entities under control of the foreign adversary within 180 days of the designation.

Basically, if the bill passes, Tiktok will be deemed a "national security risk", and be forced to be sold (probably to an American company) or be banned from access. This is SOLELY targeting Tiktok, hence the label of it being a Tiktok ban, but important to highlight what it does outside of that.

WHAT IT DOESN'T DO IS WHAT THE MEME SAYS. It may be from the previous time this happened, but that's not what's happening this time.

Now, ByteDance doesn't fucking want this to happen because it's their crown jewel. The Chinese government doesn't want this to happen because Tiktok has made ByteDance one of the largest companies for China economically. All in all, they aren't going to fucking sell.

TL;DR: The US government is passing a law to effectively ban Tiktok unless ByteDance, it's parent company, sells it. This is because of worries that China will somehow influence the American people, which, while theoretically possible, is functionally similar to what American social media companies already do in some capacity, and based on a lot of fearmongering because oooooo China's spooky and scaryyyyy. It does NOT DO WHAT THE MEME SAYS. It has NOTHING TO DO WITH PALESTINE.

If I need to elaborate on anything, I will. There's a fuck-ton of nuance to have with all of this, and it's hard to give that in just this post. But goddamn don't spread blatant misinformation.

With all that being said: Free Palestine.

[asterekmess]

i saw your tags on that cop character post and like I totally agree like how am I supposed to believe Stiles who spent most of the show skirting the law or outright breaking it suddenly becomes mr goody too shoes fbi???? Like everything in the show happened bc he went looking for a dead body

Honestly, the only reason I can remotely understand him doing it is if he was literally trying to sneak into government databases. Like, his dad broke SO MANY LAWS as a sheriff, so many times. Stiles himself does not believe remotely in the sanctity of law or government (and he's right not to, considering his situation). So like, I *could* technically believe him joining the FBI. But only if his goal is entirely to get access to their databases and resources and to liberally abuse any and all perks and abilities that it would give him, in order to further the protection of the people he cares about. And also a lil bit to spite them because the politics and beurocratic bullshit behind law enforcement has done nothing but screw with his life, including before the SPN. SPending years worried his dad was going to lose his job just for not arresting someone fast enough has got to have made him HATE the entire concept of the job. Like, I love the sheriff. I love him in spite of his job, honestly. I believe he's a good man and at the same time I believe all cops are bastards, and because this is a fictional world, I FIRMLY believe that he is a shining *FICTIONAL* example of 'not all cops are bad cops'. But only because of how fucking desperate everyone is to get him fired. Like, if there was ANYTHING that would make me think this man was a "Good" cop, it would be the number of times everyone in his field has tried to kick him out, while the people he actually protects like having him there (aside from jackson's dad, who like, did not have all the facts). It's like people say, there are no good cops because the good cops don't get to stay cops. They get fired. They get transferred. They get Removed, because if they're good then they're going to cause problems for the not-good ones. And Sheriff Stilinski REALLY gives me that vibe. He ends up in a weirdly powerful position, and he uses and abuses it to do what is actually right, even when it doesn't provide timely arrests or satisfying answers for his bosses. And the FBI fucking hates him and they all make claims about how he's not good at his job, he can't close a case, whatever. They want him out. I won't deny that he as a character is absolutely cop propaganda and that there are PROBLEMS with how he abuses his power from a purely 'real' stance. But in the fictional world they live in, he as a *person* I think is awesome. And i headcanon heavily that he does not actually fucking like his job. He doesn't have the job because he even 'believes' in it. he has it for the same reason stiles would join the FBI. Because he's going to use it as a tool to get done what needs done. I the argents can infiltrate the school system and the law enforcement and everything else, then stiles can infiltrate the fbi, and the sheriff can have taught his son to do it by infiltrating their own precinct YEARS ago.

I'm absolutely rambling and off my rocker at the moment, but yeah. ACAB. Also we love the sheriff in this house. The wonders of this being a fictional world we're talkin about. *dreamy sigh*

[cafe-mysa]

the way i see it, shinichi has two genius parents and lives next to a genius inventor/professor, all of which would be Very Willing to teach him things and take him out to experience things first-hand (looks at yusaku taking him to hawaii and teaching him shooting).

when his parents left, he was left to live by himself for 3 years. in his mind, a detective needs to know Everything. they have to be prepared for any kind of scenario, and if he wants to be the modern-day holmes, he needs to do his research.

living by yourself can be extremely boring, and when you live by yourself for 3 years, you get Bored. add to the fact that he's a middle/high school teenager, who is still growing and learning, and you get someone who Wants to learn, wants to experience new things. he wanted to go out and bump into cases, and investigate them, because that's what a detective does best, because how can you be a detective if you can't/don't solve cases.

the kudos have a HUGE library, with archives, case files and whatnot (thanks to yusaku + maybe megure), so who knows what's in there.

his parents are filthy rich, extremely confident and flashy, and they Will teach shinichi anything he wants to know. he's got a next-door neighbour who makes inventions and has more life experience (???) than him, has been around a lot more than him. shinichi's wanted to learn about things from a young age, he's been obsessed with mysteries and holmes since preschool and yusaku took him along to different cases.

when he becomes conan, he has access to Way more resources and perspectives, along with people who are also willing to teach him:

haibara (provides him with information about the organisation, more medical/scientific knowledge (in m24 she taught him about the quench system))

akai + fbi (more information about the organisation but maybe more detail as akai was Inside the organisation for a while, managed to get pretty high up in the ranking and they have Resources (how akai managed to find rei easily and not the mpd in m25 will always baffle me but ok))

rei + psb (japanese government?? related issues?? not too sure on how to word this, but he also has access to current and up-to-date organisation information as he is. yknow. in the organisation currently but he may not be as willing as the previous two to provide information on them as he would quite literally be killed if his noc status was revealed)

police officers in other prefectures (the nagano trio are the first ones to come to mind here bc i can't really think of policemen from other prefectures who are As Willing to listen to conan and give him information on their prefecture-specific cases as they are)

Conan IQ 400???

Yes it’s just an anime. Yes it’s not that deep but let me rant.

I know detective Conan is obviously not based in reality. He’s been shot, poisoned, nearly drowned and buried under rubble and he is still kicking.

Most anime isn’t, but can we agree his intelligence is borderline insane? I was rewatching a few episodes (London arc) to which Conan helps Minerva Glass by deciphering a message in braille. How the hell does he know braille????

Now I understand Shinichi might have spent a few hours learning braille as a side hobby. But what about when he’s driven a car, flown multiple aircrafts (not just one, we’re talking different models of planes and helicopters), and even drove boats in high-pressure situations like he’s been working as a coast guard for the last ten years.

And then I remember there were a few episodes where he deciphers ancient scripts, cracks codes like a machine and pulls random historical or scientific facts out of the air like he’s got Google implanted in his brain. The man is seventeen and he’s basically a walking encyclopedia with access to archives people don’t even know exist. Remembers entire conversations, house layouts, witness statements, books, the guy even quotes Sherlock Holmes and knows from what specific page and book.

It’s just supernatural at this point. I understand Conan is meant to be this OP, genius prodigy, mystery-solving icon. But at a some point it’s just so ridiculous and not fun anymore. It gets boring. Oh look another wildly specific skill he just happens to know. At some point it stops being impressive and starts feeling like a plot convenience vending machine.

If he pulls up and says he knows ASL, Morse code and ancient Sumeria I won’t even doubt him.

Did he learn all this in Hawaii???? Was he just bored one summer????

[idealisticrealism]

Hey Anon! Thank you for the ask! :D Just in case, I'm going to put it under a cut because it contains a slight spoiler and I don't want anyone to see it who might not want to.

(Also heads up, I'm actually staying spoiler-free too– but it's totally okay bc you didn't know that and it's only a minor spoiler anyway, so I'm not bothered at all)

Well, this info certainly puts an interesting spin on things! I definitely don't think these events will make Arman and Nadia closer though– as in, I'll honestly be surprised if they haven't officially broken up for good by the end of 2x09 (please, writers, please lol)

However, I could see them getting closer again in the sense that the argument about the marriage certificate– and how Arman used her to get access to the office– might lead to Arman revealing that RK forced him to kill an FBI informant, and that revelation might just be enough to shock Nadia out of her fury towards him and realise that he's been in a much worse situation than she thought/has had no choice but to resort to extreme measures to get free of RK. She'll most likely be angry and hurt that he didn't trust her enough to just tell her the truth earlier, but still, she may then be able to forgive him enough to put everything else aside and instead help him to take RK down.

Also, what if RK had told her that the marriage was annulled, but she finds out that he never did it (or faked the paperwork) so technically they're still married? She would be pissed, and even more determined to help them make him pay. (Not to mention it would technically render her and Arman's marriage null and void, which would be great news for both him and us haha).

But anyways, the TL;DR is that I am not at all worried about Arman and Nadia's 'reconciliation', and while I certainly don't think we're in for any Armony fluff any time soon (sorry Anon; the current situation is just too intense for that lol), I do think that some absolutely incredible Armony moments are coming our way very soon.

[akvtsuki-ari]

Sweetheart (Ch.1)

Warnings: Mentions of BDSM and bunch of other kinks but nothing sexual in this chapter lol. Sub!Spencer and Femdom!Reader 

Length: 5.3k 

Authors Note: this is hands down the most self-indulgent shit ive ever wrote but do i care? the answer is no dsjk  but this that series i had planned where the reader introduces spencer to proper BDSM and all that. hoping to make this fic kinda informative also lol. also im uploading this fic on ao3 as well. also no tags for this fic bc its really specific and ill probably be writing for it for a while! sorry about that

Plot Summary: Spencer Reid just wanted to be.., well, you know. He doesn’t expect to find much when he signs up for a BDSM dating website but somehow he manages you and he couldn’t be more delighted

Spencer Reid was certainly a lot of things. He was a lover of the arts, someone who had a particular affinity for 15th-century literature, a magician at best, a theater nerd at worst, and a teacher when life called for it. He loves the world even when it's really dark and he loves sleeping in even more. He loves his friends and they love him too - even when they pretend that his random facts annoy them. Spencer Reid was a friend, an FBI agent, a genius with an IQ of 187, and a son to a mother he loves wholly. He was a lot of things and for the most part - he knew a lot about what he really loved to do. He supposed that it's been like that his whole life.

It's not everyday that he discovers something new about himself. About everything else? Always. He loves to learn, but about himself? There's never all that much on the frontier.

It's hard to say, because of that, when Spencer discovered he was a sub. It's difficult to pinpoint a specific time and place, or even how the pieces got put together. He just remembers how it felt when it hit him, like a freight train going 100 miles an hour into a concrete wall. Or a plane crashing onto an island. Or like a fly hitting the glass panes of a delivery truck. He remembers the feeling when he was deftly reminded of this fact. Spencer Reid was a sub - through and through and he wasn't really sure what to make of it.

Surprisingly to most of his direct peers, Spencer wasn't a virgin. He'd had sex with 2 people who he'd been kinda friends with at some point, but it always got a little weird after that. The second time though, the girl ended up choking him a little bit when she got off and Spencer thought he had died. Not in a bad way, more in a "I'm so turned on by this I feel like I've genuinely gone to heaven," sort of way. He didn't think it was possible for a sexual encounter to make him feel like that but it did. It didn't stop after that either, which was the most agitating part. 

Spencer doesn't consider himself a sexual person. Sex is about intimacy and companionship, and hopefully love when he finds that someday. Sex isn't necessarily about pleasure but that wasn't an easy lesson to learn.

Spencer just wanted to understand - so like any great genius he participated in thought experiments. It's normally a female superhero/supervillain that crosses his mind (he has an affinity for Poison Ivy), and he just kinda imagines what it would be like if they did what she did. The choking turned him on, but it wasn't enough. Through that, he figures out that he had more than a choking kink and that he was more than a little interested in a partner having complete access to him. He thought about it for weeks and the getting off was working for him but he couldn't get the fantasy out of his head. He wanted more - he wanted someone to fulfill his wishes.

It was too much for him to ignore. Those months of being able to hold off through masturbating are over and he's just sorta itching. Aching to act on those impulses with another person who can give him what he needs, and he doesn't want it to be transactional. Maybe it's too ideal to want a partner out of such an endeavor but was it so wrong? To want real affection and romance from someone who could also overpower him wasn't a crime and he'd be damned if he pretended to want any less. Spencer was just searching, even if it was rather desperately. 

So, when Spencer finds himself on a BDSM dating site and he feels like his life is in shambles, he can only blame himself. It's not something he'd normally do but he's getting a little more than relentless about it but he also just wants to see what's out there. He's so out of it was it happens, it felt like he was being possessed as he made a fake email and wrote out his account information. Definitely blaming it on possession, he thinks. 

It's too late to go back, as he scrolls through tons of profiles of rather intense looking people. He's not surprised, this is where people go to express themselves. They're entitled to that, it just sucks since he's just not ready for such levels of intensity. He wonders if he's in too deep yet, but he figures he'd hit that mark a long time ago and keeps scrolling through profiles. There wasn't much to go off of, many people not choosing to use photos for the sake of anonymity, which was good for Spencer. He clicks onto his own profile, reading his own bio carefully.

USERNAME: DOC187 

SUB/ SWITCH / DOM 

M / F / O

FETISHES: N/A

BIO: Interest in a dominant female companion. Completely inexperienced.

Spencer feels ridiculous, but he doubts anyone would even message him. He doesn't have much on his profile and he keeps things short for that purpose. He wanted to stay as low to the ground as possible - more curious to explore what was going in the world than to find anything legitimate. He scrolls through hundreds of profiles, mostly of people who were BDSM vets looking for new connections or fun. Some people catch his eye but they don't match his interests so he doesn't bother.

Except, one profile. The bio was beyond interesting to Spencer.

USERNAME: MISS—LILAC

SUB / SWITCH / DOM 

M / F / O 

FETISHES: Sadomasochist, Degradation, Humiliation, Pegging, Overstimulation, Edging, Crossdressing, Exhibitionism, Mutual Masturbation, Dacryphilia, Shibari/Gags/Bondage, Wax Play, Impact Play, Breath Play, General Sensation Play, Discipline, Collaring, Begging. Willing to try most things. 

BIO: Interested in submissive males of any experience level. Helps if you're interesting and like to read and watch indie films. Looking for genuine connection and plenty of good banter. Curly hair is nice too. lol.

Before Spencer can think about it for too long his mouse clicks over that stupid little message button next to your profile. Spencer shakes his head at his own existence as he types you a message. Says you're online right now, but Spencer's sure he won't get a response for a while.

DOC187: Seems I fit who you're interested in. I even have the curly hair.

Spencer chews on his nails anxiously before he sighs at himself. He has no clue what's gotten into him belle before he can think he sees your 3-dotted bubble pop up. He feels his body wracked with nerves.

MISS—LILAC: I'm guessing you like to read and watch indie films too?

Spencer smiles. You seem interesting and the fact that the two of you were just talking normal was making Spencer happy.

DOC187: Indeed. I'm a sucker for 15-century literature and anything in Russian and foreign language. You?

MISS—LILAC: 15th century huh? I'll assume Chaucer. And Russian? You're interesting, doc. I'm more modern and English, hope you're not deterred.

Spencer smiles, surprised that you recognize an author as niche as Chaucer. He shakes his head at your commentary. He almost forgets that both of you are on a BDSM dating site and the irony doesn't escape him.

DOC187: Deterred? Never. I think you're rather interesting too, Miss Lilac.

MISS—LILAC: Ever the gentleman doc. I'm hoping you won't run away if I ask you more personal questions.

Spencer swallows. He types back quickly.

DOC187: What kinds of questions?

MISS—LILAC: If it's okay, you're real name and what you do. My names Y/N, and I'm a florist. I live in DC and I love romance novels.

Spencer smiles. He appreciates you laying down the path for him, knowing the stakes.

DOC187: My names Spencer and I work for the FBI. I also live in DC, and I love magic.

MISS—LILAC: Magic? I'd love for you to show me sometime.

Spencer swallows. Part of him feels like it's a stupid idea to ask you out so early but if you asked, he'd likely say yes. He decides to wait it out.

DOC187: I'd be more than happy to show you.

MISS—LILAC: I suppose you could send me a video but that's not the same as seeing the magic in real life, now is it?

Spencer is smiling like an idiot at this point. He shakes his head a little, jittery.

DOC187: Infinitely better live, I would say.

MISS—LILAC: Seems like I've found an excuse to ask you on a date then. Saturday's work for me but I'm sure it depends on you, FBI man. Before that, I'm gonna drop my number and I'll be expecting your call. (XXX-XXX-XXXX)

Spencer giggles. It's a little out of range for things he's used to doing, giggling aloud for someone else is certainly new. Spencer picks up his phone and dials away, anxious to call you but excited nonetheless. He heard you pick up the phone and his heart catches in his throat.

"Hello?," Your voice is smooth, and a little bit lower than he was expecting. It sounds pretty.

"Hello, Y/N," Spencer says back. He heard you laugh on the other side and can't help the way his heart flutters.

"Lovely to talk to you doc,"

"Still Doc? Not Spencer?" Spencer questions. You smile on the other side of the line.

"Doc seems to fit you. But, for the sake of formality, hello Spencer,"

"I like Doc too, but it feels like I should have a nickname for you as well. Only seems fair," Spencer says laughing quietly.

"If it's your prerogative you can call me Miss Lilac, or just Miss but..." you trail off for a minute. Spencer squints.

"Miss is a title, you know? Doesn't seem fair for you to call me that when I haven't earned it from you yet. I'm sure we'll get there but for now you can just call me Y/N," you say softly. Spencer blushes bright red, his voice betraying him as he speaks.

"O-Oh, well um - where does the name Lilac come from? Normally people go with their names when it comes to stuff like that," Spencer says shyly. He heard you laugh on the other side of the phone and blushes again, grateful you can't see him.

"I love the language of flowers and flowers themselves. It's a way to speak that not many people know - but I like the meaning and look of lilacs. White lilacs represent purity, so that was a bit of irony, but light purple lilacs mean first love," you say carefully.

"First love?," Spencer asks. You bite your lip for a moment.

"I joke that BDSM is my first love since it's such a big part of my life. Not as big as some but not small for certain. It gave me much needed confidence so I joke that it was my first," You say lightly. You hear Spencer giggle on the other side and you smile.

"What about your username? Any significance to DOC187 that I should know of?," you readjust your seat on your couch as you talk. Spencer grows a bit embarrassed.

"I normally introduce myself as Doctor Spencer Reid for work, not a medical doctor but I have three PhD's," Spencer admits. You raise your brows but hear the hesitation in his voice.

"Very, very impressive doc. What about the 187? It could be a plain ol' number but my guess would be otherwise,"

"That's my IQ, actually. I don't think intelligence can be boiled down and quantified like that but I couldn't think of anything else," Spencer explains.

"So you're a certified genius with 3 PhD's? To say I'm impressed is an understatement. Anything else impressive you'd like to tell me before I totally pick your brains," you say a little shocked.

"You wanna pick my brains?," Spencer asks. You wanna laugh at the irony of such a silly question from such an intelligent man but you refrain.

"Who wouldn't?," you say incredulously. Spencer smiles shyly.

"The only other thing is that I can read 20,000 words per minute," Spencer says trying to deflect. Your jaw dropped before but it manages to unhinge a little further.

"There's a lot to get to know about you Doctor Reid,"

"I'm sure it's the same for you," Spencer replies.

"Guess we'll have to find out won't we?," you say smiling.

Damn, Spencer got lucky. Hopefully he'd get to find out soon

_____

"Reid, are you listening?," Derek's voice snaps Spencer out of his entranced state. His smiling expression snaps up to look at Derek who looks a little exasperated.

"Sorry, what was that?," Spencer asks back. Derek puts down the case file they were working on. They had just finished a case and needed to complete some paperwork before submitting it for review and to be used in court. The job was given to him and Morgan and Spencer was evidently distracted.

"Alright, kid - what is up with you? All case you've been checking your phone non-stop and spacing out, all smiles and giggles. C'mon now kid, seriously. You got a little lady at home waiting for you or is there something else I don't know about?," Derek interrogates. Spencer doesn't really know what to make of it, though it's not really in his interest to hide you, it hasn't really come up with anyone on the team yet so it was proving difficult to decide what to do. The smile on his face manages to appear again as he starts to think about you, the tips of his ears red.

"Reid," Morgan says again, with a small look of irritation.

"Her names Y/N," Spencer blurts out faster than he can't think. Derek gives him a huge grin, holding his hand out to dap Spencer up. Spencer just looks at it confused for a second before getting the memo.

"'My man," Derek says chuckling. Before Spencer can continue Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia walk in. Hotch is the only one missing, and Spencer's a little grateful.

"What are we celebrating in here you guys?," Prentiss asks first. Spencer goes to say something to move away from his sudden confession but Derek is quick to cut him off.

"Our boy genius over here got him a little lady," Derek announces. The whole team erupts in questions and Spencer wants to bury himself.

"Congratulations, Spencer!! How long have you two been dating?," Prentiss asks.

"You guys are so dramatic. It's only been two months but no first date because well..." Spencer trails off. JJ just nods her head.

"Duty calls, I'm guessing" JJ finishes. Spencer nods deflated hearing Emily draw a breath between her teeth.

"That's tough, Spence,"

Just as Spencer goes to give a response back he gets a text from you that makes his day a little better. It's a selfie of you at work, a picture your employee must've taken of you in a room full of new flower deliveries. You're giving Spencer a toothy grin as you hold a bunch of gardenias in your hand.

Y/N 🌸: *image attachment* 

Gardenias// You're lovely + Secret Love <33

Spencer cannot control the way his whole face bunches up in a smile, as if there's no one else in the room with him. Everyone just looks at him surprised, Garcia giving him a side-eye.

"How can you guys trust this stranger? We don't even know who she is! I haven't even run any background checks on her," Garcia complains. Prentiss nudges her side.

"I don't know if it matters - look at how hard he's smiling over there," Prentiss says. Garcia reluctantly looks and can't help but sigh.

"Okay well he seems really happy but still! We don't even know her," she pouts.

"I'm sure we'll meet her soon," JJ snickers at Spencer's lovestruck expression. Derek leans over Spencer's shoulder and raises his brows.

"Is that her, kid?," Derek asks. Spencer nods, simply staring at the picture you sent. Derek whistles when he sees you - you're genuinely stunning and he's surprised to say the least.

"Hot mama, pretty boy - how'd you manage that?," Derek asks, dumbfounded. Emily rolls her eyes.

"C'mon Derek, I'm sure - oh wow," Emily leans over Spencer's shoulder to see you and is met with the same reaction. JJ and Garcia are quick to follow thereafter, both looking equally as surprised.

"She's..." JJ trails off. The rest of the team just nods as Spencer grins ear to ear.

Spencer 🐻: Beautiful, as always.

Spencer ignores the rest of the team as they look at each other in disbelief.

Y/N🌸: Me or the flowers, Doc?

Spencer🐻: Both, but mostly you.

"Wow, Spencer you're really -" Prentiss starts

"You're whipped, kid. I mean seriously whipped," Derek finishes, nodding in agreement. JJ can't help but smile, giving Spencer a small pat on the back.

"She seems lovely, Spencer. How'd you two meet?," JJ says. Garcia stands around looking rather suspicious. A blush creeps onto Spencer's neck as he's reminded of how you two met.

"Online," Spencer says shortly. No one decides to question it, and Spencer thanks every god he can think of.

"Have you two FaceTimed yet? How can we know she's not, I don't know - catfishing you? Or scamming you in some other cyber criminal way?," Garcia sounds distressed. Spencer gives a small smile.

"We fall asleep over FaceTime every night," Spencer admits. Penelope's expression falls, and Prentiss gives a smile.

"That is disgustingly cute," JJ says laughing.

"Okay, well - I'm still running a background check on her," Garcia says stubbornly "But, I'm happy for you,"

"Thanks Garcia," Spencer mumbles out as he texts you again.

Y/N🌸: I wanna see you, love

Spencer blushes red as he reads your message. The word love makes his whole face hot.

Spencer🐻: I can't take a selfie for my life

Y/N🌸: You're with your team aren't you? Get them to take a picture of you.

Spencer wants to fold away, not ever really being the picture type, but how could he ever deny you.

Spencer🐻: How could I ever say no to you?

"Hey guys, can one of you take a picture of me for Y/N?" Spencer asks embarrassingly red. The whole team sends him a look of surprise.

"I'll take it Spence, try not to look as uncomfortable as you do right now," JJ says. The whole team refrains from laughing as Spencer gives an awkward smile. He thanks JJ who hands him back his phone before texting you again.

Spencer🐻: *image attachment* You owe me one

Y/N🌸: you're stunning as always. hadn't seen you in so long I almost forgot what you looked like.

Spencer🐻: stunnings an interesting choice of words.

Y/N🌸: I said what I said, doc. 

Spencer can't help but do a little giggle, that causes the whole team to give him a look. Morgan just shakes his head, shrugging. Emily, JJ, and Garcia just look at each other before the room draws into a subtle but comfortable silence as Spencer just smiles, totally unaware of how whipped he happened to look. He didn’t seem to mind either way. 

___

"How was work?," Spencer asks over the phone, kicking his shoes off as he looks into his fridge for something to eat. He hears you sigh on the other side of the line.

"Busy today - wedding season is coming up so tons of calls for centerpiece designs and costs. It's going well though, business couldn't be better," you say, clearly tired yet content. Spencer gives a small smile and feels relieved that things are going okay for you.

"That's really good. I'm glad you're feeling alright," Spencer replies. You ease into the couch as you talk to Spencer, relaxing by the second. 

"What about you, FBI man? You have an okay day?," Your voice is full of a gentle concern that Spencer appreciates.

"Yeah, just paperwork and JJ said that we shouldn't have any upcoming cases this week to be worried about so I have the weekend off," Spencer says without thought.

"Have any special plans for the weekend?," you say cheekily. Spencer, still not having caught on, shakes his head for a second.

"No, why?,"

"Hm... well - would you like to go on a date with me then Doctor Reid?," You ask, giggling. Spencer's eyes widen in realization as he facepalms for a moment.

"Wow, I didn't even think... yes - yes I would love to go on a date with you Y/N," Spencer says laughing at his own misfortune. You shake your head instinctively, but the growing smile and even further growing adoration makes it hard to sit still.

"Hey, Spencer," you say, butterflies filling your stomach.

"Yeah?"

"I really like you,"

____

Saturday comes quicker than Spencer can really understand. You told him not to worry about what the days plans would be but he can't help it. Anxiously awaiting you in front of the cafe that the two of you were supposed to meet at, in a part of town Spencer hasn't really seen before. You said that you'd lead the way and the irony isn't lost on him.

"Spencer?," Your voice is small, as you call out to what you think is Spencer Reid. Of course, you'd seen him before but to see him in person like this was still so unfamiliar. His head shoots up, eyes searching for you. He's delighted to have found you, certainly that was true as he walks towards you. Your arms envelop him in a friendly hug and he can't help but find himself sinking into. You smelled sweet, like fruit and flowers (which makes sense, the more he thinks about it)

"Lovely to finally meet you, Y/N,"

"Same goes for you, doc. Would you like to be informed of our plans for the day, or do you prefer the element of surprise?,"  You ask smiling. Spencer laughs at your question.

"Details would be appreciated, but I get the feeling you're not gonna give me those."

"You're right! It's a trick question, since it's a surprise. But, promise it'll be good,"

"I'll take your word for it then," Spencer says with a small smile. You hold your hand out for Spencer which he accepts, locking his hands with yours. The affection makes him feel full of warmth, as you lead him away for the day you had planned for the both of you.

___

Spencer underestimated how well you knew him. He really, really did. It's hard to explain since Spencers been on a date before but this was so profoundly different. He's a little touched, but beyond that he's just.. surprised? Every date he'd been on before this, he'd have to play the gentleman but it never seemed like the other person was interested in just him. It was always casual small-talk over dinner, or a mid-day coffee date or something else that just felt mundane but this was beyond Spencer's imagination.

The first place you took him was a bookstore - which was in Spencers mind already a winner for best date he'd ever been on. You walked inside with him and told him he had to pick up a book for you and you had to pick up a book for him and to say his heart absolutely fluttered would be an understatement. He picked up up a copy of "The Screwtape Tales," by C.S. Lewis for you, and you gave him a copy of Shel Silverstein's "Where The Sidewalk Ends." For you, you got a glimpse to see what Spencer's sense of humor was and you gave Spencer a piece of your childhood. Both equal but opposite forms of intimacy. The only thing was Spencer had to wait to read his book because it's relatively shorter than yours and he reads 20,000 words per minute.

The next place you took Spencer was an indoor butterfly garden. Does he have to explain why that's a good date? He heard you talk about all the scientific names for the different flowers and why they attract butterflies and he wasn't sure he could crush any harder on you if he tried. A particular moment sticks out to him on which a butterfly landed on your shoulders and just stayed there like it didn't want to leave. Spencer's eyes were fixated on it the whole time - and he had never wanted to be a butterfly in his life before but he figures there's a first time for everything.

The last place, where the both of you were at now was just a small coffee shop, locally owned and supported by the community here. You told Spencer that when you started up your shop, you'd come in here to work on big orders before you'd expanded enough to have employees. Spencer admires your work ethic, much more than he could ever anticipate as he sits down at a small booth, totally covering the both of you as you return to the table with a little plate of banana bread and two iced coffees. Spencer pouts as he looks up at you, watching you flash him a grin.

"I could've helped you carry this over," Spencer complains gently. You roll your eyes.

"Maybe next time doc," you say softly. You hold back your commentary often on the date, and Spencer pretends not to notice for your sake but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wanna know. You always had something sly to say but you'd kept it from him so many times now he figures it's better if he didn't ask.

Spencer looks at you as you push a plate of banana bread towards him. He looks at you with curious eyes before reading your clearly excited face and laughs. He picks up a piece and examines it, before taking a bite. If it tasted as good as it smelled then he would be more than obliged.

The involuntary moan that escapes Spencer's throat makes you choke with laughter. Shit, you weren't kidding when you said this was the best banana bread in the city. Spencer just looks up at you like he's about to cry with joy as you double over in giggles.

"I know," You say softly, taking a bite yourself eyes filling with joy "I ordered some more for us to take home - you're welcome," you say with confidence. Spencer smiles because that is genuinely thoughtful, but it was more endearing to see you pretend it wasn't. He just shakes his head, a blush arising to his face as he looks at you. You're staring at him with intent. He quirks his brow at you in question.

"I had a good time today, Spencer" You say warmly. You only called him Spencer when you were saying something affectionate and a bit serious. He gives you a toothy smile.

"I haven't been on very many dates, but this was easily the best one I'd ever been on," Spencer says honestly. You grin ear to ear, hands carefully holding Spencer across the table, running your thumb over his knuckles for a few seconds. You couldn't say for sure whether it was too soon to ask him to be your boyfriend, but you'd be damned if you said it didn't cross your mind.

Spencer was mind-numbingly unaware of what good boyfriend material he was, but beyond that - what good submissive boyfriend material he was. It was driving you nuts, but you knew this was all new for him and you didn't wanna freak him out. Even when guys say they're interested in being submissive, they're still often times uncomfortable with you being fully dominant. Dominant in public and in bed, if you will. You wanted to pay for dates, and buy him flowers, and make him feel special too - at least on the occasion. That role came naturally to you, that let me make you feel owned type affection that only a dominant person can give. It scared men off - out of relationships, and you totally got why - but you liked Spencer too much as a person to risk iit.

Spencer holds your hands together, gathering your attention. You looked at him spaced out and he gives you a look of concern.

"You okay?," Spencer asks. You nod, chewing your lip in debate of whether or not you should express your concerns. Spencer just tugs on your hand and looks at you intently.

You sigh, looking at Spencer softly.

"I'm okay I just really like you," you say a little exasperated. Spencer laughs but is filled with relief.

"I'm glad to hear that. What else is on your mind?,"

"I really like you - like in an, I want you to officially by my boyfriend way and I hope it's not too soon but I'm just, worried I guess," you say nervously. Spencer can't help the way his heart beats in his chest when he hears you say boyfriend. God did he want to be your boyfriend.

"What're you worried about?,"

"I'm worried about freaking you out. I can be a lot since I'm... you know?," You say nervously. Spencer looks at you  to continue.

"I'm more than just dominant in bed, and for a lot of guys it's not their thing and that's their right but I like you so much. I really don't want that to happen if I ask you out now and you realize that it's not for you," you say in clear upset.

Spencer looks at you in disbelief. You were worried that he was gonna freak out over that? That you were too dominant for him? It feels like such a silly concern but the expression on your face tells him you're speaking from experience.

"I mean, it's all kinda new to me but, well - I do like how you treat me? It's a nice change, I can't imagine myself getting tired of it, or of you. I really like you too," Spencer tried his best to reassure you without totally embarrassing you. You smiles at Spencer but your face is still full of doubt.

"If that ever changes, I'll tell you but I'd really like to call you my girlfriend," Spencer finishes. You can't help the warmth that spreads in your stomach at the offer. You just nod, looking up at him. You stand and walk to Spencer's side of the booth, sliding in next to him, leaning your head into his shoulder for a few while seconds. You sit back up, and Spencer turns to you.

"Hey, doc," you say softly. Spencer hums in acknowledgement.

"Can I kiss you?," you ask softly. Spencer chews his lip and nods, looking down at your lip. You're wearing lipgloss and it makes them look pretty - you are so pretty to Spencer.

Kisses are their own language, Spencer figures. The way someone kisses you can tell you a lot about who they are - so, when you put your hands on the side of Spencer's face, pulling him closer to you with such care and adoration - Spencer can feel what you were referencing earlier. The word Miss rings out in his mind, the way you pay attention to him with your hands. He feels your lips press against his, slowly gliding your fingers in his hair, thumb brushing agains the side of his cheek. Your other hand rested on his inner thigh and he has to think about anything other than that not to get hard. Spencer didn't get how much he'd been thinking about touching you until you'd do with no hesitation and he lets out a small whine. You pull back and Spencer has to catch his breath.

His lashes blink up at you and you're absolutely beaming.

"You're cute baby,"

Baby? Spencer wants to cover his face when you say it. You kiss him again and he can't help but feel flush.

You were Spencer's girlfriend and then some and he couldn't be more happy.

[hackedmotionsensors]

Darcy and Jimmy Woo function as two of the same characters that are

Avengers Adjacent

A cheaper grab than other actors (why Darcy is here and not Jane for example)

Have access to knowledge that the viewers would have or are experiencing the same story discovery as we are.

Comedic relief that typically wouldn’t go to heavier characters.

Have access to things that logically they really shouldn’t but for story purposes to move the main heroes along or assist in story progression. Lol Like SWORD depending on their rank next to the FBI would probably not have Jimmy on premise during their operations. Govt agencies like that are still very “NO THIS IS OUR CASE” about things like terrorism/murders/hostages etc.  Since Jimmy clearly doesn’t have authority over Hayward there’d be no reason for him to be there or he’d be pushed out (which he inevitably was again..story reasons)

Darcy’s field WASN’T Astrophysics but we can assume that she’s become one by being with Jane. Why does she have all this information about what happened with the Avengers? We can assume she was told. Or there were briefings bc she’s Avengers Adjacent to Thor. Or Thor flat out told her. Or she survived the snap and again Avengers Adjacent was probably working with Natasha’s Avengers. There’s a lot of ways to explain it out but basically it comes down to

She knows what the viewers know. And that’s perfectly fine. Its actually really boring storytelling to explain every nuance or tidbit of a story (At least in visual media format. Books are a lot easier to really flesh out things like ‘here’s what happened to Jimmy Woo’ kinda stuff).  Like for example we don’t see all the episodes in between the episodes we’re shown in Wandavision. So far the episodes between 3-7 seem to run directly after each other. 

 Lol I also took pause and was like ‘why does she know this’. But it could just be something that she knows. To focus on that is kinda like not seeing the forest for the trees. That’s definitely a path that later you can go down in fanfics or try to put together yourself but for overall story purposes its not super important why she knows this. Monica also had a lot more information than you would think. But its easier to explain bc she works for SWORD and Jimmy works for the FBI. But if Darcy is in cahoots with SWORD and the FBI there’s a good chance its because of her relation to Jane and Thor. She’s a pre-existing characterin the MCU so she just has access to information. So that makes it easier on the viewer to follow as Vision is given information that WE (and Darcy) know that he doesn’t. 

The fun of WandaVision being a mystery show is that sometimes you don’t get to know everything lol

[marvel-download-tutorial]

How to Download Marvel comics for free!

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while especially since we’re all stick inside but last week Marvel made the shitty decision to transition various print titles to digital only, meaning they’re directly taking revenue away from local shops rather than delay the titles, so since Marvel thinks digital comics is such a cool idea I’m gonna show you how to download as many as you’d like! (oh also this is for windows only, idk how to do it if you own a mac but also you’re rich anyways so who cares buy the comics richie)

I don’t want to take money away from the people that need it, not the actual companies of Marvel and DC fuck them they’re dying and they deserve it, but for my own rationalizing I want to take a minute to plug the Hero Initiative, basically what it is an organization that provides for comic creators that are having hard times, comics are a rough industry and you don’t get into it to get rich, I won’t go into it too much you can read for yourself but it’s been endorsed by Stan Lee, Justin Ponsor, Mike Grell, Skottie Young, Rags Morales, a lot of big names, so I’d ask if you do follow this guide and download some comics for free please consider donating to the Hero Initiative (they also sell autographed prints and you can commission some really famous artists)

anyways onto the good stuff! I’m going to be doing a fairly brief but easy to follow guide, there will be links at the bottom of the post so look for those, I’ll probably be making a few other posts with some more info so also check back for those if my blog is still here

What do I need?

You’re going to need 4 basic things if you want to do this as easily and safely as you can 

1) a good anti-virus

2) anonymous web browser (Tor)

4) a safe and reliable source for the comics

4) a torrent program to download the comics

Also optional: VPN

Anti-Virus 

it’s good to remember when torrenting that no one is your friend, everyone is out to trick you and no one cares, honestly you should also have a good anti-virus though, I’m not really gonna tell you which one you should have but Norton 360 is pretty good but say that in a room of CS majors is the quickest way to start a fist fight, honestly just google it, you’re gonna have to do some research, but really you’re good as long as you don’t go with Avast or Kaspersky, I’m going to go over typical tricks and traps later to ensure safety, this is just basic overall security thing

Anonymous Web Browser (Tor)

next we’re gonna download Tor (you can do this before getting a VPN, like I said either one is going to put you on a list but using one to cover you getting the other at least mitigates it lol) Tor is a great open source project that allows for basically complete anonymous web browsing, it’s a project dedicated to privacy and disruption of corporations ability to control every aspect of our lives, also a friend of mine bought K off silk road with it once in highschool, really not too much you need to know about it before using it, just download it, let it configure and you’re good, also use Duck Duck go that it comes with, don’t switch it to chrome or anything, Duck Duck go is anonymous search service which better lends to Tor’s protection

Where to get the torrents

Now this is really important because you can have everything else set up but without a safe reliable source none of this is gonna do any good, but this is the dangerous part, torrent sites are notorious traps (I bricked more than on family PC on limewire) and this is why I said earlier to remember these people are not your friends and are out to hurt you, don’t click banner ads, don’t believe pop ups, make sure your virus protection is on and it’s a very good idea to have an adblocker on, also look out for another post I’ll be making on what download buttons to trust for different popular torrent sites

when talking comics (and remember specifically only Marvel comics) there’s no other name out there than Nemesis43, he is a god and he’s going to be your new best friend, there are groups and sites out there that do comic scans that you have to pay to join or like apply to join, that shit’s dumb as hell and I’ve never used them once and I’ve got more comic than I can read in my lifetime, you don’t need em and you especially don’t need to give them money, donate to the Hero Initiative instead

Nemesis has moved around a bit in the past (if you remember the WWT debacle) right now the main site for him is ettv (there will be a link at the end of the post) sites a bit barren but he’s there, he also has a reddit he gives updates on very rarely, generally if he moves he adds where his new home is in a text doc in his recent uploads, I fully trust him and his uploads, he’s been doing this for years and I’d never have a second thought downloading from him, also because he uploads so much he’s often very highly rated and verified on whatever site he’s on

The second place I’d recommend is getcomic (again there will be a link at the end), now this is very important, never donate to them, they kinda suck, basically they’re plugged into a bunch of different scanner groups and just steal those scans and put them up and then ask for donations, basically they’re just an aggregate (Nem kinda is too but he doesn’t ask for donations and stuff), they usually use browser downloads which are a complete pain so I’d really recommend Nemesis over them but they do have TheComicGuy on torrent galaxy for larger files but that updates a lot less frequently then the main site, again I trust these guys (as long as you’re on the actual site) but don’t trust any banner ads or pop ups, also for downloading they give multiple options, a lot are very sketchy, just use the main server

also there’s other sites like readcomics or newcomics, never used em, don’t like em, use at your own behest 

On sites like ettv you’re gonna want to use the magnet, someone years ago told me it was safer and I just believed them and have always used em, not sure if it’s true but it’s worked so whatever, really you shouldn’t be too worried about this stuff and if you follow this guide you’re going to be way over prepared to download comics, really no one cares about comic torrenting, movies, video games, tv shows that’s the stuff people really get caught on, this is just nerd shit

I’m going to be making another post showing how to use these sites, and other sites comic can be found on so look back at my blog for that

Torrent program

This is pretty basic, just get utorrent, it’s what I’ve always used, it works, whatever, definitely look this up with a VPN on or on Tor, it’s simple to use, I’ll be doing a short tutorial on how to make it even safer

Lastly this one is optional but a pretty good idea, for more than just this

VPN aka Virtual Privacy Network

honestly you can get the anonymous web browser (Tor) or the VPN first, their both going to help cover you downloading the other and honestly both are going to put you on a list for googling them (which is why I suggest looking for someone who just already has the .exes ((I always keep them on a thumbdrive for when I have to reset one of my computers)), I might try to make a google drive with em but also I might not bc that sounds like work and I’m already typing all this up), anyways I’m not really gonna explain what a VPN is, there’s a lot of resources that can explain it better than I can but basically it masks what you do on the internet, there’s a lot of choices when picking a VPN but the big thing I looked for when choosing mine was 1) non-US based so it’s harder for US investigation agencies to request stuff for them or get anything from them 2) one that doesn’t keep logs, honestly they all do even if they say they don’t, but you wanna look for one that hasn’t turned over many logs to US agencies and 3) unlimited peer 2 peer connections which is complicated but basically means you can torrent stuff anonymously and with decent speed. Like Anti-Virus there are a ton of different VPN’s out there, you really have to do research because there are actual accounts of FBI agencies crating VPN’s telling people they’re anonymous when really they had direct access to all the info, I haven’t done any research but NordVPN seems kinda like one of these, really the more they advertise the more suspicious I am, Just google “best vpn 2020″ and look at like 5 lists and read the the stuff, personally I use IPvanish which unfortunately is US based and while it gave over logs in 2016 even thought they said they didn’t keep any but now they’re owned by a new company that super double promises they don’t (again who cares they all do) but they’ve allow P2P and use 256-bit AES encryption

I wanna take a second to mention that this isn’t going to be free, this is the only place you’re going to be spending money (besides donating to Heroe Initative of course), a good VPN is about $100 a year which all in all isn’t terrible, technically you can just get by on the anonymous browser but this gives you an extra layer of security to pretty much ensure you won’t get caught and plus in the ever worsening internet hell world a VPN is becoming more and more important, I’m sure you can find articles about it but yea you don’t technically need a VPN but it’s useful for more than just this

How to work it all

Ok so this is gonna be a little stream of consciousness, as this all kinda has been, so sorry but I’m gonna try and explain it as best I can and also feel free to ask any questions on this blog, I’ll check back eventually I’m sure

So first thing first, make sure you’re virus protection is on and you’re connected on your VPN if you’re using it (you can google “what is my IP” to double check it’s working) then load up Tor, let it load and connect up and whatever, then go to https://www.ettvdl.com/user/Nemesis43 (I’m just gonna show this with Nemesis43, maybe I’ll make another one for getcomics but that’s pretty straight forward, also nem is better)

now remember we’re only here for Marvel comics, so scroll past all those thousands of other comics this would work exactly the same for, I’m gonna go for Ant-Man #4 which was released on the 13 as a digital only comic despite the first three issues being physical copies and now sit on my shelf forever unfinished making me look like a complete penis

it may take a while but it’s going to look like this, click on the blue words, it’s gonna take you to a page that looks like this

now from here we’re going to get the magnet link, right click and select copy link address, I like doing this because it limits my interactions with the page, note the advertisement at the top telling me I need a VPN despite thinking I’m in Guadalajara (which for legal reasons I am)

just copy that and then go to utorrent and click the add link

it’ll open a little box, it should add the link automatically, if it doesn’t just hit ctrl+V

hit ok and it’ll load it up, it might need to download some metadata but after that it should be good, oh also it might bring up a window basically asking where you want to save it and what to name it, you can set all that up in preferences, I did so I just turned that window off and can’t be assed to turn it back on, just hit ok if you don’t wanna bother with that stuff, it’ll go into your downloads by default

and that’s it really, it’s that easy, I might make another thing talking about how to make utorrent more anonymous or whatever so look for that, but stock it’s fine, also when it’s finished downloading it’s gonna start seeding (like uploading to someone else) I’ve always been a scumbag and I never seed but Nemesis seeds stuff so much you really don’t need to anyways, just select it and hit the stop button (the black square on the tool bar)

here are all the links I could think of

Hero Initiative

download Tor

here’s a guide for VPNs

download utorrent

song I found recently that I like

getcomics

Nemesis

so yea that’s pretty much the basics, be smart, be safe, any viruses you get are on you but I hope you found this helpful and feel free to ask any questions

oh and also this is all parody and I’ve never actually torrented anything, I don’t even own a computer

[eggbabey]

Ok okok but jon’s powers... y can’t he see through like security cameras and shit? Bc really the real fear of being watched is the fact that everything you do is likely being recorded and some FBI agent is laughing at u being a fuck up... but Jon being able to See through tech?? How fucking sick would that be? He would have no idea what to do he’s such a grandpa accidentally hijacking government surveillance and shit? Hilarious

And what if he could see through Other people eyes??? Or through the eyes of animals???? Obviously this isn’t really relevant since the world has ended and cameras and shit are probably all fucked up and the eye can literally see everything but... grandpa jon being able to access like every sort of surveilance software is so Funny to me

[roominthecastle]

For someone who hasn't seen TBL since... early season 4? (and even then only watched a couple episodes) could you give me a quick rundown of what I have to know in order to watch the beginning of season 6? If that's too much hassle I understand but I thought if anyone can put that car crash of a show into a sorta sensible summary it's you.

“car crash of a show” well, that is… too real. like you can’t help but stare and wonder what might emerge from the wreckage. :)

Thank you for the vote of confidence, I tried my best to recall the main events from each season. If something important is missing or I misremembered, hopefully somebody corrects that in a reply or a comment, and you will be able to see those, too.

(putting the rest behind a cut bc length)

S4

Alexander Kirk is the latest contestant of the increasingly crowded “who’s your daddy” competition. He was in love w/ Liz’s mom, has a life-threatening blood disorder, and a pathological fondness for kidnapping. He takes Liz and Agnes to her childhood home that triggers some vague memories of Katarina. Kirk is sure he is her father and has a DNA test to prove it. Liz also finds Katarina’s journal in which Katarina mentions how she was assigned to honeytrap Reddington.

Meanwhile, Red uses Mr. Kaplan’s connections to learn where Kirk keeps Liz and Agnes, then tips off the task force. Despite feeling betrayed by the fake death stunt, they roll out to rescue her but Kirk gets away and they take Agnes, too (they play hot potato with that poor kid). Red takes Mr. Kaplan to the woods and shoots her for her betrayal. But she survives the headshot (not unprecedented as we learn later that she survived a head injury before and has a metal plate in her head) and is nursed back to relative physical health (but apparent psychological unwellness) by a hermit in the woods. For now, nobody else knows she is alive.

Kirk is trying to find a cure. Tom and Liz keep failing in their side-mission to get Agnes back, but Red uses Kirk’s doctor to track him. This leads him to a trap but Liz tips him off just in time. This is the first time (IIRC) that Red hesitates to trust her (kinda understandable since he’s still reeling from the fake death thing) and he almost dies as a result. Then Liz lures Kirk, gets Agnes back, but Kirk collapses and is hospitalized. He needs a donor to survive. Liz volunteers bc getting answers trumps everything. Red tells her that the DNA test proving that she is Kirk’s daughter was faked and it gets confirmed bc Liz is not a match, she can’t save him. Kirk’s goons rescue him from the hospital and Liz is taken again. Red volunteers to trade places w/ her and even manages to secure the cure for Kirk to sweeten the pot. Liz is released but Kirk, now aware that he is not the father, tortures Red. He demands Red confess that he (Red) is Liz’s father, which he finally does under insane duress, then whispers sth to Kirk that convinces him to let Red go. We still don’t know what he whispered or where Kirk is now, but this is the end of the first big arc of S4.

Liz gets her FBI badge back thanks to Red applying pressure and securing a presidential pardon. She and Tom try playing house and keep failing bc Tom will never be what she wants him to be: his meek teacher cover role from S1. Red looks for and finds a new cleaning crew but what he did to Mr. Kaplan is eating at him. Dembe gets worried about his mental state and tells Liz what happened to Kaplan, which drives Liz further down the “blame Red for everything” path but they continue working together. After Kaplan recovers, her revenge mission kicks into gear and the various ways in which she tries to dismantle Red’s criminal empire is the second big arc that lasts until the end of the season.

Kaplan tries to strip Red of his resources and connections. Her methods range from clearing out his back accounts to trying to sabotage the Task Force. She goes as far as poisoning Red, for which she tries to frame Dembe to destroy their relationship but Dembe (w/ Aram’s help) proves he didn’t betray Red and their bond becomes tighter than ever. Then Mr. Kaplan unearths 86 bodies (including Diane Fowler’s, so Cooper & Co. now know Red killed her), which launches an official investigation that threatens to expose the Task Force and its ties to Red. Mr. Kaplan also meets with Liz, tells her about their past connection (in a flashback episode, we learn that she worked for Katarina as Liz’s nanny and she handed her off to Sam after the fire, then started working for Red at his request), and tries to convince her to turn on Red but Liz refuses.

Meanwhile, Ressler is trying to get justice for the murder of Fowler’s replacement, Reven. He knows Hitchen (the National Security Advisor) killed her but he has no solid proof. Mr. Kaplan reaches out to the doctor who tampered w/ Liz’s memory when she was a child, and hires him to mess w/ Ressler’s head, planting fake memories and almost driving him to kill Hitchen. He is stopped in time, the doc is captured and he tells Liz he was also hired 2 years ago to take away some of her memories again (concerning Red) at the request of a man they both know, but we still don’t know who this person is. Red denied it was him and I, for one, believe him.

Red decides to set a trap for Mr. Kaplan, playing on her blind fixation on Liz. He hires a blacklister to kidnap Liz, feeds clues to Kaplan that lead her to where Liz is kept. Red tells Liz he is willing to refrain from killing her (Kaplan) but if Kaplan doesn’t stand down, she has to die. When she walks into the trap, Red offers truce. Mr. Kaplan refuses, the FBI also shows up, there’s a shootout and Mr. Kaplan escapes. Red visits Dom bc he needs a key he hid on his property and tells him his granddaughter, Liz, is alive. Then he meets with Kaplan, offers her that key to a remote and secure paradise in exchange for ending this war but she once again refuses. The agent investigating those 86 bodies shows up but Red escapes and Kaplan agrees to testify in exchange for immunity.

Red and Ressler reach out to the blacklister who cleaned up after Hitchen and use the evidence he kept to blackmail her into scrapping the inquiry concerning the task force, Red, and those bodies. Vague national security excuse works every time. Liz reaches out to Kaplan and they go on a drive. Kaplan promises answers but Red and his men show up and she commits suicide by jumping off a bridge. Her death triggers a protocol to release Red’s secret, aka the suitcase w/ the skeleton in it, that lands in Tom’s hands but for now nobody knows he has it. Ressler visits Hitchen and accidentally kills her when they get into an argument, so he calls the blacklister that previously cleaned up after her to clean up after him now. Cooper runs a DNA test on a sample from an old bloody shirt in evidence that belonged to Reddington, compares it to Liz’s sample and tells her it’s a match. Liz tells him she ran a test too, soon after Red showed up in her life, but never checked the result bc she was afraid to know. She now confronts Red w/ the news and he neither confirms nor denies, just lets her hug him - which is their basic dynamic in the first half of the next season.

S5

Most of the first block of this season is about Red trying to rebuild his organization from scratch in various ways - first as a bounty hunter and then once again working w/ the task force. He seems to enjoy the freedom that comes w/ hitting rock bottom. Liz helps out, too, acting jarringly happy. Meanwhile, Tom decides to keep the suitcase a secret from her and asks Nik to help him identify the human remains inside. He also steals Liz’s ID to be able to access official databases and they reach out to another guy to have the bones DNA tested. Then Nik is killed when he goes to get the results and the skeleton gets taken.

Still not knowing about Tom’s involvement or the suitcase, Liz asks Red to help find Nik’s killer and Red soon discovers that Nik was working with Tom and that he had the skeleton. Tom tracks down the girlfriend of the guy who ran the DNA test to ask for help finding him. She helps, they find him, but then all of them get captured by a US Marshall named Garvey who is v much interested in the skeleton, too, bc he has a very personal ax to grind w/ Red. Tom escapes and he takes the skeleton. He calls Liz and tells her to meet at home but reveals nothing concrete, so you know he is not long for this world. That’s where Garvey and his men find them. He stabs Tom and Liz gets badly injured, too. Red and Dembe come to the rescue and take both to the hospital.

Tom dies, Liz is in a coma for 10 months and struggles a lot after she regains consciousness. She asks Tom’s mother, Scottie, to look after Agnes, makes Red promise to keep working cases with the task force and to not follow her, then moves to a remote cabin in Alaska where she saves a witness from the bad guys who want to silence him by killing them all in a Home Alone meets The Shining manner. After this, she decides to return to find out why Tom was killed and get revenge. She works this case separate from the task force.

The blacklister, Prescott, who cleaned up after Ressler last season starts blackmailing Ressler, threatening to reveal that he killed Hitchen if Ressler doesn’t derail an investigation. Ressler refuses but with Red’s help they manage to arrest Prescott who then intends to deliver on his threat. Red kills him and removes any implicating evidence. So Ressler goes to Cooper to deliver his written confession but Cooper says he will hold onto the letter as long as the task force is up and running bc none of them are who they were before, each of them has a letter like that, so to speak, but the work they do here is too important. They will hold each other accountable after it’s done.

Liz is investigating on her own. She tracks down one of Garvey’s goons and ends up killing him when they get into a fight but she also learns that Nik was helping Tom. She then dissolves the body Stewmaker-style but leaves a piece of evidence behind by accident, so she also breaks into the evidence room and steals it to cover her tracks. She draws the attention of a detective in whom she later confides about looking for Tom’s killer and even shows him the Post Office. Red helps out w/ her investigation, too, they both want the suitcase back after all. Liz confronts him about his motives (saying he only wants to keep his secret, nothing else matters) and responsibility in Tom’s death. Red tells her Tom died bc he didn’t heed his warning and that this secret is something he has to keep, so he isn’t telling.

Liz finds some notes among Tom’s belongings that eventually lead her to Dom. She doesn’t know he is her grandfather, he doesn’t tell her, but they talk. Dom denies being a spy code named Oleander (from Tom’s notes) but tells her he used to work as an analyst and came to the US after the Cold War (he really is Oleander, tho). He also tells her he knew Katarina well but doesn’t reveal their connection other than “we worked in the same building”, and he refuses to say anything about Red.

Red learns that whoever killed Tom and took the skeleton has law enforcement ties and Liz decides to rejoin the Task Force but only to up her chances at capturing Tom’s killer. This reinstatement requires a psychological evaluation and Liz goes a few rounds with Dr. Fulton who later turns out to be a serial killer killer/vigilante. Liz corners her at a crime scene but then lets her go bc she might need her help one day, and Fulton green lights her official reinstatement.

With the help of the detective she confided in, Liz finally identifies Garvey as Tom’s killer but Garvey kills the detective. They wanna take Garvey down by proving he is not only a murderer but also has ties to drug trafficking. Liz also approaches a woman Garvey keeps visiting in a diner and tells her everything, hoping she will flip on him. This is when the woman reveals she is Jennifer Reddington whom Garvey has been protecting from her father for decades. Red wants to kill Garvey but he cannot do that as long as he has the skeleton, so he kidnaps him. Then Garvey escapes and goes to the diner. Red and Dembe follow him there. Garvey shoots Red. Liz and Dembe shoot Garvey. Garvey later dies in the hospital w/o revealing anything.

While recovering, Red uses one of Garvey’s goons to track the skeleton to Costa Rica and learns that it’s in the possession of another enemy of his, Sutton Ross. Liz follows Red and wants to find the remains first. Ross is captured by the Task Force. Liz offers a secret deal and he agrees bc he was tasked by Garvey to reveal the skeleton’s secret bc Jennifer deserves to know the truth. Together they put on a show for Red: Ross escapes, takes Liz hostage and then pretends to torture her to force Red to give up his secret. Just when Red is about to break and reveal it, the Task Force storms the place and captures Ross again. Red doesn’t seem to know he has been played but he takes the skeleton, shoots Ross, then walks away. He takes the remains back to Dom’s place where he burns them. Dom warns him that Liz is not gonna give up. He is not wrong bc it is revealed that Liz was not only working w/ Ross, she now also knows the remains belong to the real Reddington, so Red is an imposter and not her father. She vows to find out his real identity and then destroy him w/ the help of her half-sister, Jennifer.

Oh and Samar and Aram’s relationship takes a few turns over the season as well. They start dating and then Aram prepares to propose, which ends in a fight and an almost break-up. Then Samar gets abducted by a blacklister and the last thing she says to Aram is that she would have said yes. She also ends up in a coma but regains consciousness at the end of the finale, so their engagement is now official.

[jbuffyangel]

Weekly Rundown 10/14/18-10/20/18

Time to rundown what I’m watching, loving, hating and everything in between! Spoilers ahead!

Arrow (“Inmate 4587″)

William running through the woods, even if it is a dream, makes me so emo.

I love how Arrow fake kills Felicity because they'd rather walk into hell than do it for real.

Felicity and William's photo sits on top of his copy of “Count of Monte Cristo” because they are Oliver's way out.

Stan stans Oliver. Same dude.

If we get this much Oliver working out then I will survive the prison storyline.

Mystery GA is like old school Oliver without Oliver having to be old school. Nifty.

Oliver's voiced cracks just a little bit when he asked Diggle about William and Felicity. It hurts to even say their names.

Felicity is the most adorable pink haired barista to ever live

"Boxing is not gonna win you a fight in the Glades." Oh yeah? Tell that to LL. Oh wait. She's dead. Never mind. Kid is right.

DO NOT TOUCH THE WIFEY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES OR DIE.

I don't remember all these villains. Smeh.

Who dat in da boat?

Listen dude you need to see a picture of her husband and then you'd know better than to even ask.

LL hit the streets as BC after a couple boxing lessons. BS hits a couple law books and is DA. You're right LL fandom. Totally same character.

Curtis has a job with ARGUS and please for all that is holy let him stay there.

Is anyone else unnerved watching all these characters fight crime legally?

He's looking for Robert Queen? Long lost son? Grave robber? Weirdo?

So now Rene wants to go to prison? Why didn't you just do that in the first place? Then Oliver wouldn't have to save your ass & leave everyone he loves behind.

Grown up William? Flash forward Roy? I AM SPIRALING Y'ALL

Just when we thought there was nothing better than Oliver fighting naked in a shower they gave us Felicity kicking Diaz's ass.

Oh god y'all that scene was incredible. Don't ever say to me Oliver and Felicity are not the foundation of Arrow.

"I will always wait for you." Later. I have to eat my feelings.

Felicity gives William the hozen. I AM NOT OKAY.

GROWN UP WILLIAM WITH ROY!!!!! WE ARE FLASH FORWARDING PEOPLE!  

Okay they went no where near as dark with Oliver as I thought they would. Also, I should maybe look into a therapist because my dark & twisty is a lot darker and twistier than Arrow.

I am here for aged up Felicity. I am living for it.

Manifest “Unclaimed Baggage”

OMG we found out what Ben does for a living. The greatest mystery of Manifest is solved. HE IS A MATH PROFESSOR.

I want Ben to figure out to pay off my mortgage and keep $500K.

We finally meet Danny. Danny is the hot nurse from Grey’s Anatomy, the hot firefighter from Rescue Me and the hot FBI agent from Graceland. I love me some Daniel Sunjata. I prefer blondes so I’d still go with Dreamy McBlue eyes (Josh Dallas) but I understand Grace’s predicament more now. The struggle is real.

Michaela blew an operation with her Spidey sense and Jared took the blame, but it gave us this SWOONY exchange:

Michaela: You don’t have to protect me.

Jared: Yes I do. I can’t help it.

I still don’t really care about the plane mystery. The relationships are much more interesting.

The Gifted (”Outmatched”)

I was very bored this week. The best conflict is Lauren and Andy, but it was an anti climatic ending. 

This Is Us (”Vietnam”)

He got the "Breathe" from the army buddy. I'm ten minutes in and This Is Us has left me emotionally eviscerated. So your standard Tuesday night.

We are rehashing a lot of information I already know.

My father was drafted at the same time as Nicky. He was #5 in the draft. My dad was #8

Blindspot (”My Art Project”)

"I'm the work wife." LOL!!! Rich Dotcom is often the best of Blindspot episodes.

Reade is freaking out. SHE IS ALIVE READE DON'T BELIEVE IT!

I want to go to lunch with Rich Dotcom and talk Met Gala couture.

"You've done something with your hair. Your whole vibe is edgier." Boston is the only one who knows long hair = evil Jane.

Can no one see when Remi makes her cranky evil face after being nice to Kurt? It's her face! HOW DO THEY NOT SEE IT?

Wait. How is the puzzle a vetting process if other people don't have access to the tattoo? This makes no sense.

Madeline is sufficiently creepy.

Awww Rich is jealous. He's used to being Team Blindspot's favorite criminal. No one can take your place Rich Dotcom. You are one in a million.

Uh oh. Kurt saw that picture taking Remi.

Zapata is an accessory to murder. That ain't good.

That was too much Remi, Remi. Reel it back girl.

Remi drugged Patterson. This removes any doubt. She is evil.

Jane is a super ninja. She can't get out of being held hostage? She's done it millions of times before and yet nobody on Team Blindspot questions her helplessness?

Anyone else confused on this case? I hate it when I'm confused on case of the week.

Making a Murderer Part 2

I’m trying to hang in there on, but jeez this forensic science stuff is complex.

Brendan Dassey’s case is bounced between courts like a soccer ball. This is insane.

Oh holy hell I don’t know who did it. I give up.

That’s all for this week! I started my Daredevil binge so I have a bunch of shows to catch up on!

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 3x03 recap

(Aka the Patterson and Rich show lol)

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I LOVED this episode. Cute Jeller, supportive team, and of course, PATTERSON AND RICH BEING KICKASS BESTIES. Can the whole season be just like this ep bc good lord it is totally up there with my fave eps of this show ever and ugh I just loved it so much guys

Which in a way is kind of a bad thing because it means this review is gonna take me like 6 hours on account of all the screaming, but ah well. Worth it. 

And to the lovely Anon-- I may very possibly struggle to do these from now on due to my travelling, but I’ll try my best to keep them happening if I can. Thankfully none of the other people in my hostel dorm here in Madrid have minded my hectic late-night typing for the last couple of hours lol...

Anyhow, more gushing below the cut.

Ugh look at this. Our babies are dressed all fancy and having drinks and it’s kinda reminiscent of 1x09 except this time instead of just alluding to their interest in each other, Weller is BLATANTLY HITTING ON JANE, his WIFE, who he is MARRIED TO, and ugh it’s simultaneously delightful and almost nauseating haha. Zapata and Reade definitely agree with the nauseating part, because they’re stuck in the surveillance van being forced to listen to every word. Oh, kids. As the child of two people that love to make jokes about their sex life just to gross me out, I totally understand your pain right now. Lbr tho they probably kind of missed this. And lol I love that Jane giggles and apologises while shooting heart-eyes at Weller. You two are the worst. I actually didn’t expect this scene so early but I’m totally into it. And so Jeller keep an eye on the suspect and his daughter/wife, while Tasha works her hacking skills and hacks his computer. Also awww her cousin asked for Patterson’s autograph, that is so cute and I now love her cousin. I love that Patterson is now super rich and kinda a celeb lol. Hahaha I love that Jane delays the guy by telling him she loves his charity work and then literally like 10 secs later the team is into his files and Weller is arresting him. That would have had to feel kinda like an abrupt turnabout lol

Aww Zapata is checking in on Patterson and making sure she’s okay D: I love these ladies supporting each other. But in what sounds like depressing deja vu of both of the previous seasons, Patterson insists she’s fine to be there. Also her puzzle solving skills clearly haven’t suffered-- she figured out that random specks on Jane’s back could be translated onto a grid and brought together to form words? Dude. Tbh I like that the show gives us a brief explanation of how things were cracked without putting any pressure on us viewers-- we get to just smile and nod and be like ‘yep, sounds legit’ and then move on haha. Now Aunty Hirst has rocked up to hear the deets, considering their suspect is a big fish. And basically there’s some evidence that he caused a train to derail which was previously called in as an anonymous tip, and which made him super rich due to something to do with stocks. Can you tell I have very little understanding of the stock market lol, which tbh is kinda unfortunate considering my father keeps wanting me to invest haha.

Oooh Patterson goes to Reade bc she’s been investigating Stuart’s murder on her own despite there already being a team on it, and she tells him that Stuart had a Siri/google home/Alexa equivalent thing and that she thinks the thing recorded his murder, since they’re sneakily recording everything. Makes you worry about Siri and Alexa, doesn’t it… Anyway she wants Reade to go demand the recording from the company before it’s deleted within 72hrs. Go Reade go! Meanwhile Patterson goes to talk to their suspect’s lawyer, and walks in to find her playing Wizardville. I love that she knows exactly which part she’s at just by hearing the sound effects. Ugh you giant nerd I love you so much. When Jeller show up a minute later (maybe held up in the locker room because of… activities…) lawyer lady insists that the emails are planted by a hacker group who is targeting her client. Lol “Mr Lowie can afford better specialists than the FBI has. No offense”/”Offense taken”. Damn right, Patterson, none of those specialists could hold a candle to you. But uh oh, the lawyer mentioned the hacker group-- the three blind mice-- and Patterson suddenly got all shifty. What do you know that you’re not telling, honey???  Also the lawyer lady is threatening them with a very large lawsuit which is bound to make all of this a little awkward….

RIIIICHHH. God I will never get over the delight of seeing him appear in an episode. Patterson visits him in his office, which is literally just a room for cleaning supplies, and she turns on a radio jammer which has him spitting coffee (if that is coffee) out of his ‘best daddy ever’ mug. So either he stole the mug from Weller or someone, or it’s alluding to a weird sex thing. You never know with Rich. (Yes you do; it’s usually the weird sex thing). Ugh and when she demands to know if he hacked into the suspect’s server he’s all “What?? No?? Who??” and god I just love his FACE. Ennis how do you do this??? God. And then ugh he promises her he’s not lying and ugh I believe it. And then she tells him the tatt points to the 3BM and that the FBI are gonna try to track them down and ugh you can see the ‘oh shit’ on his face. I just love the way these two interact, like they’re legit real friends?? Ugh my babies. I adore Jeller and all, but tbh this is my favourite duo on the show rn. And now Weller wants to see them both and they’re both like ‘oh shit’ lol. And then lol he totally ignores ‘ladies first’ and calls Weller mademoiselle and you can hear that he’s nervous and aaahhhh his joke about the 3 blind mice from the nursery rhyme and then insisting he’s a crime fighter now and I just love him so muuuchhhh and this whole time he and Patterson are both half shitting themselves and ugh I feel like he’s using his ridiculousness to keep attention on him and not Patterson bc she doesn’t like lying to her team and ughhhh they’re such broooos. And Hirst appears to tell them all that they need to catch the 3BM asap because the emails were planted and their dude might sue, and to which Rich suggests a simple ‘I was wrong’ to patch things up lollll. And then Hirst has a picture of the 3BM and Patterson and Rich are all !!!!!!!!! and then it turns out it’s a person in a mouse mask and they’re so relieved lol. Also dude after Patterson, i love Rich’s dynamic with Jane the most. She’s basically like his long-suffering mom hahaha. Back in the closet, Patterson’s freaking out and wants to come clean but he’s all ‘how about no’ lol. Also he says that they dropped out because ‘someone thought it was getting too dangerous’ and he points to her but then jabs his thumb toward himself as he’s speaking and now I’m confused?? Which one wanted to bail?? (Probably Patterson lbr). Ughhhh by the sound of it they were such little Robin Hoods, and ugh I NEED the spinoff about this whole partnership over the last 2 years ughhhhhhh. And hahaha omg “so we make it a little harder for them, if you catch my drift”/”by obstructing justice??”/”drift caught.” UGHHHHH GIVE ME THE SPINOFF. GIVE IT TO ME. I will sell my soul for this I stg.

Meanwhile awww Reade is honouring Patterson’s request and talking to a representative from the kinga company about the recordings, and when she tries to deny it he and Zapata totally roll their eyes at each other haha. These bros. And then she’s texting his gf which feels a little weird, and also she says they hung out ‘last weekend’ but uh wasn’t stuart’s murder less than 72hr ago, and so all the events of last ep including Zapata meeting the gf happened then as well (that did happen in 3x02 right?)? Maybe that was friday and this is monday and she meant to say ‘on the weekend’?  Also “You better put a ring on that before I do” LOL I love it. I’m sure it’s just a joking comment but dude could Zapata be bi? Because I would totally be down for that. I like Zapata being friends with Reade’s gf and encouraging them as a couple, since I want Reade and Zapata to remain just bros. I seriously miss Reade/Sarah though. Lbr I’m still totally bitter about that one, Gero.

Patterson found the person in the mouse mask by creating a ‘biometric map’ of the person from the video and using ‘gait recognition’?? Mmmmmkay, sure, I’ll roll with it. Nice little mention of Patterson’s NSA access, though. The woman they find has a bunch of dating profiles and works for Nerd Herd (awww a Chuck reference, I’m so happy) which makes Rich pity her, but uh dude don’t you know she was Miss United States?? And she’s besties with Sandra Bullock, so she’s doing just fine. And ugh when Rich says that they tracked her location, Jane actually praises him and ughhhh look at that parental approval he’s getting, I’m so happy for him. And then haha Hirst wants both Patterson and Rich in on the interrogation and ugh you can just see my poor Patterson getting more and more tightly wound lol can someone just give her a hug before she explodes? Preferably Rich giving her a slightly stilted but genuinely sincere hug. I want it. Nope, need it. Also looks like Jeller now have nothing on their schedule…. time for another locker room rendezvous perhaps?

Lollll their suspect has said like two lines and all I hear is Miss Rhode Island… also she looks so cute in her lil Nerd Herd outfit. I wonder if she ever met Chuck? I mean she’s based on the other side of the country, but still… what if she trained under him over in Burbank before moving to NYC? Anyhow she gushes about how famous the 3BM are and both Rich and Patterson are looking SO UNCOMFORTABLE in their own ways and I’m loving it. Also ugh Hirst’s soft southern accent is so soothing. Could she narrate audiobooks or something bc I would legit buy all of them. Although rn she’s describing bad stuff that the 3BM did and that doesn’t feel right, but then Kathy decides the jig is up and explains how each of those things was actually them helping people/semi-saving the world. Also man this actress is amazing in how she can sound simultaneously kinda deranged but also kinda sweet?? I just want to protect her and her adorable lil face haha. Lol at Rich and Patterson exchanging looks across the room the whole time she’s talking. Subtle, guys. And Rich’s face when she says that the three of them are still best friends?? Maybe he’s starting to think Patterson was right to have made them both cut ties with this wacko. But duuuude why are you so vain, you literally just let her goad you into revealing yourself as one of her former partners. But still, “Oh so by ‘pretty close’, do you mean 100% correct, or?” ughhhh I love the sass. And then  Kathy mentions people being in danger and it draws Patterson over, putting all three of the blind mice at the same table for the first time in a year.... And also ever, when you think about it. Also turns out that the wealthy guy might be planning to blow something up to earn money from stocks like he did last time or something, which prompts Patterson to admit to Rich that she has backdoor access into every phone that downloaded her app. Firstly, wow, glad that power is in the hands of one of the good guys. Secondly, that’s a huge show of trust to tell him that, knowing that he could then steal her phone or something and use the access for his own gain. Ugh these bros!! Lol I do love that he gets carried away with thoughts of Hirst’s browser history tho haha. But anyhow by hacking the lawyer’s phone she figured out where the attack was planned to happen, and aawwwww Rich immediately wants to head to tell the team and Patterson is the one holding back. Also LOL: “Hey Gary.” “His name’s Gary? I’ve been calling him Rick…” ugh how is his every line just SO GOOD? I love the thought that he talks to their coworkers as well, probably talks the ear off of anyone who happens to come near him lol. Ugh my baby just wants to be loveddddd. I love the bickering-siblings thing they’ve got going on though, and “Well now who’s obstructing justice??” ahhahaha. Seriously who do I have to bribe to get the show with just these two? And then when she suddenly decides that they need to come clean, he’s all ‘woah no no, gross’ lollll. And then he has a little lightbulb moment about how to solve their problem-- a ridiculous and very conveniently timed anonymous tip lol. Well, tbh the team never really cares HOW Patterson managed to get their intel, only that she gives them stuff they can use/excuses to go beat people up. Aww but Weller trusts his lil team and acts immediately on their intel, prepared to take the fall for it if it turns out to be a dud. He’s very martyr-ish lately, I feel-- but I guess maybe he just feels invincible now that his wifey is back in his lifey?

Turns out the ‘tip’ is legit, and Jeller find our baddies, proceeding to beat the hell out of them in true Jeller fashion. There’s also a bomb, because of course there is, and Rich makes a suggestion only to be smacked down by Patterson and is properly apologetic haha. Jane then actually takes his advice, using the sped-up clock to convince the baddie to disarm the bomb, then takes him out and shoots the guy grappling with Weller by firing through a bottle of oil or something. Nice. She really is a woman of endless talents, a fact that Weller very much benefits from, both in the field and… elsewhere haha. Also Sully’s accent has dropped at least twice in this ep already, someone must be tired lol. Anyway back at the office, Aunty Hirst drops by to tell them all how proud she is. Also I want to marry the way she says ‘Lowie’. It’s just so damn cute. She then tells everyone to go home, and Rich and Patterson have a quiet little celebratory fist-bump (which they have clearly done before AAAHHHHHHH) over the 3BM investigation appearing to be closed. God they’re the cutest.

Oh yeah, forgot about Reade and Zapata for a minute there, too distracted by the other show-stealing partnership haha. They’re putting heavy pressure on the boss lady at Kinga, and I love that she calls him ‘sir’ and that he’s so firm and authoritative with her. This seems more like a true AD of the FBI! And you know Zapata’s pretty impressed too haha.  Well done, Reade.

Loll Patterson and Rich meeting in a deserted parking lot and Rich stepping in a puddle and then both of them realising that neither of them actually sent the message that they received. Tbh I just love that each of them got a message from the other telling them to come to a random parking lot in the middle of the night and they both came?? Without question?? Ugghhhhhhh have I mentioned lately that I love them. Also what’s Rich’s sitch at the safe house? Does he have a team watching him that he had to evade to get here, or? And lol she calls him dumbwad and everything is so cute and fun and then RICH GETS SHOT IN THE CHEST. Ngl, I gasped far louder in this moment than I even knew I was capable of. There was a split second of sheer, unadulterated panic before I remembered he’s going to be returning for multiple eps throughout the season and therefore has to be okay. But good lord that one second was an awful experience. I swear to god, if they do ever kill Rich then I’m out. I will walk away from this show, Gero, don’t think I won’t! And ugh the shock and horror on Patterson’s face-- for all he drives her crazy, he’s literally one of her best friends, and she’s already lost enough people around her. And then Kathy appears and even though she assures them (and us) that they’re just beanbag rounds, it’s still freaky as hell to see her shooting them both with a shotgun at point-blank range. My poor babies… Aaaand then they wake in a Saw-esque setting and ugh he pokes her so gently to wake her and they’re so cute when they’re kidnapped. Sounds like it’s a semi-regular occurrence for Rich, whose main concern is that he doesn’t get to be kidnapped anywhere fun lol. Aw, is someone using humour to make their friend feel less scared?  “And not the good kind of dungeon” haha. And then he goes for the door and she tries to stop him but too late, he gets zapped by a shock collar and lol my poor baby. “Oh my god, she’s gonna make us play the hunger games, isn’t she??” Which tbh would be pretty interesting between these two. I’m tempted to bet on Patterson as the winner, but then again, the first time we met Rich he did shoot a guy in the chest and was going to have Jeller killed as well, so tbh I think he shouldn’t be underestimated. But ugh it’s so cute that Patterson is desperately trying to get his collar off rather than her own, and then suddenly heeeeeeeere’s Kathy! Who is holding the collar remote threateningly in one hand while sweetly offering them snacks at the same time lol. Sh figured out it was them because of Rich showing off in interrogation and Patterson saying ‘opposite, opposite’ which I did think was a bit of a weird phrase to use lol. And ahhh Patterson calls him Rich and Kathy suddenly goes into Rich DotCom fangirl mode, and tbh I feel you on that one, sister. I would react the same. But now she’s ranting about them being brainwashed by the feds (lol at Rich telling Patterson that she did just sound like weller, awwww) and that she’s ‘saving’ them haha. Then suddenly she whips out a to-do list of hack-tivities, but instead of Robin Hood stuff, it’s more Sherriff of Nottingham stuff this time. Their arguments don’t work, which means it’s hack or zap….

Weller texts Patterson about dinner; everyone’s gathered at his and Jane’s place having drinks and hanging out and ugh they’re all so cute. And Jeller are so casually touchy and he calls her ‘my love’ and I’m seriously caught between finding that corny and super cute. Maybe both. Zapata’s playing Wizardville, which apparently Jane does too, and then they realise Reade must as well and lol Zapata’s innocent little ‘Reade?’ is so CUTE. Weller’s all “You too??” and yeppp, Sully has apparently forgotten what an American accent is haha. Oh well. I love that he goes and snuggles with Jane on the couch (aaawwwww) as they watch Zapata and Reade bicker like it’s a spectator sport hahaha. I love the sassiness omg.

Meanwhile Rich is perfecting his mime-in-a-box routine as he tries to figure out any gaps in their electric prison, and tbh that’s actually pretty brave? He probably got zapped at least a few times doing that. Patterson is trying to figure out how to get word back to the team, but Rich tells her that the only way they’ll get out of this is to go along with Kathy’s plan, because he has ‘a lot of experience with psychotic women who desire him sexually’ and lol at the disgust and annoyance on Patterson’s face and her “What is your point.” Yep, those are siblings right there.

The team are still being cute when Weller gets an email from Patterson saying she’s having dinner with Rich instead, but Zapata notices that it’s signed with her first name, WHICH NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY MENTION. TELL US THE DAMN NAME, YOU JERKS. So I guess that means that Patterson sneakily sent an email when Kathy wasn’t looking? I think that’s what they’re getting at, rather than Kathy covering her tracks by sending that to Weller so he won’t be concerned when Patterson doesn’t show up for dinner. I feel like Patterson totally has the skills to pull that off right under someone’s nose...

Back in the dungeon, the dynamic duo have picked some of the less harmful hacks to start with, including revealing some politician guy as a sex fiend (no surprises there), and Kathy gushes that watching them hack is like watching Picasso paint the Mona Lisa and lolll you can see Rich’s eyes narrow and he really wants to correct her but Patterson is already telling her to let them go, but nope Kathy wants them to crash Lowie’s private jet now, and wow she really seems to have it in for this guy. Also is it even possible to remotely crash a plane? But ohhhhhh crap, Kathy’s brother died in the train crash that Lowie caused. Well, that explains that. She tried to hand them the evidence to put him away, but now she’s taking matters into her own (or the 3 Blind Mice’s) hands. And Rich kinda seems to side with her a little bit after this revelation, causing Patterson to shoot him a look of betrayal and Kathy to beam at him. Oh man I really hope this is a ploy. Ugh Patterson is basically pleading with him not to help Kathy, to stay on their team, the good guy team, and then Kathy zaps her and ugh he’s immediately on his feet but knows he can’t do anything. He has to roll with this if he’s to save either of them and ugh I love himmmmm???

The team is at the office, trying to track down their missing buddies. Again Zapata is the one to see the clue-- the IP address the email came from is in antarctica, just like Kathy’s earlier hacks. They discover Kathy got out on bail, and then that both Patterson and Rich’s cars were found in Brooklyn. I love that they all practically run for the exit. I wonder if they’re remembering the last time Patterson was kidnapped, aka the only unlikable episode of season one?? Better hurry team, go save them! And lol conveniently they find out every place she’s ever worked and one of those happens to be an old zoo, and therefore a nice private place to keep prisoners. How lucky for them….

Poor Patterson is bound and gagged and tries to cry “Rich, no!” as he successfully hacks the jet and sets it on its collision course with the ocean.  Or its fake collision course, I hope. And ugh then he and Kathy are dining together and okay why does she respond ‘kinda’ when he asks if it’s foie gras? Is she pulling a Hannibal Lecter rn??? Also I love the little red glow of the collar through his napkin lol. And then there’s a perimeter breach and Kathy is starting to freak out and so checks on the plane, only to see that it landed safely and Patterson looks at Rich in shock and HE WINKS AT HER. Look at my baby all grown up and fighting on the side of good with his lil FBI family who he lovessssss. Ughhh save me. And then omg she flips out and literally smashes the wine bottle over his head and I gasped super loud again bc do you know how hard those things are???? Ugh both Patterson and I are so worried for our bestie Rich, but meanwhile Kathy hacks the team’s car and tries to crash them?? I love their super synchronized dives out of the car lol. And then omg she literally sets everything on fire while crying over their ruined friendship hahahaha. Tbh I’d be pretty devastated if Patterson and Rich didn’t want to be friends with me too lol…. And then omgggg she is literally about to shoot Rich and Patterson tackles her, saving his life and causing herself to be electrocuted. THAT IS FAMILY RIGHT THERE. I hope Rich someday acknowledges what she did for him just then, bc ugh it was everythinggggg. Thankfully the team is there and Reade is clever enough to order Jane to find a fusebox. I love the tasks each of the team takes-- Jane cuts the power, saving Patterson, Reade arrests Kathy, Weller helps Patterson up and is checking her over all concerned, and Zapata FLICKS RICH until he comes around hahahaha. “He’s fine” lol. I love that she’s all blase about it but they would have been genuinely upset if he was seriously injured. Pretend all you like, I know you care!!

Back at base, the rest of the team calls Rich and Patterson into the conference room to tell them that Hirst wants the other mice caught, but Kathy is refusing to give up names (‘she’s a mouse, not a rat’ hahahaha), and when Reade asks why she kidnapped them, Patterson answers that she was a huge Rich DotCom fangirl, which is technically a true statement. Rich says he didn’t know that was even a thing, which is a completely untrue statement haha. And then Reade says how lucky it is that there’s no evidence whatsoever to point to who the other two are because if he knew who they were he would have to prosecute them and ugh the team has clearly agreed that this is a ‘what happens in the team stays in the team’ situation and then even literally discuss how these tattoos are about them as a group, that Roman wants to expose their secrets specifically. But they have no idea why. (Punishing Jane, no?)

Naw look at this domestic Jeller. Jane is cooking her implausible vegan lasagne, and then Kurt tells her he loves her like ten times, which is super cute but still in an Australian accent!! Sully, c’mon, lol. But ugh he runs to the shower and wants her to join and lord I do love me some established relationship… but then of course lil bro has to call and cockblock, and ugh poor Jane is so upset about how things are between them but he’s all ‘grrrrrr must punish you for making me sad grrrrrrr’ and sigh I look forward to a little bit of character growth on his part lol

Oooh Patterson calls Reade and Zapata in to the lab to listen to the Kinga recording that they got, and finds out that it's been doctored, meaning someone is hiding something. And also, through magical genius means, she figured out the tattoo that Stuart was working on relates to Van Gogh’s famous self portrait. Which is super confusing until the next scene where an ominous man threatens the Kinga CEO never to talk about doctoring the recordings, and turns away, revealing… DUN DUN DUN….. he’s missing an ear. Ooooooooohhhhh intrigue. Who is Creepy Van Gogh and what does he want with the team????

[kaygun]

Document Summarization via Nonnegative Matrix Factorization

Description of the problem

Assume we have a matrix $A$ of size $n\times m$ which consists of nonnegative entries. We want to write $A$ as a product $A = BC$ where $B$ has size $n\times k$ and $C$ has size $k\times m$ where $k$ is much smaller than both $n$ and $m$. We also want $B$ and $C$ to consist nonnegative entries. This problem is called nonnegative matrix factorization.

We can think of this problem as an optimization problem where the error function is $$ err(B,C) = \sum_{i,j,\ell} |a_{ij}-b_{i\ell}c_{\ell j}| $$ with a postivity constraint on the entries of $B$ and $C$. I wrote about this before here and here. Today, I am going to apply this to a problem coming from natural language processing.

Nonnegative Matrix Decomposition and Document Summarization

Assume we have a text, and we write a matrix $A$ whose rows are labeled with the sentences appearing in the text and whose columns are labeled with the words appearing in the text. For a (sentence,word)-pair the corresponding entry in the matrix is 1 if the word appears in the sentence, and the entry is 0 otherwise. Dividing each row by the sum of the terms in that row, we convert these 1's and 0's to a probability distribution: in the new matrix for a (sentence,word)-pair the corresponding entry is the probability that that word appears in that sentence.

If we apply the nonnegative matrix factorization to this matrix we get two matrices $B$ and $C$ with nonnegative entries such that $A = BC$. Now, I will use the following hypothesis: a topic is a specific probability distribution over the set of all words appearing in a text. Thus such a decomposition tries to identify k-many topics that one can associate with the text at hand. While $B$ measures how much of each sentence belongs to a topic, $C$ measures the same thing for each word.

An Implementation

I am going to re-cycle the code I wrote in my earlier posts: one for Latent Semantic Analysis to get the relevant matrix from a document, and another for Nonnegative Matrix Decomposition in clojure:

First, let us define our namespace with the necessary libraries:

(ns summary (:import opennlp.tools.sentdetect.SentenceDetector opennlp.tools.sentdetect.SentenceDetectorME opennlp.tools.sentdetect.SentenceModel opennlp.tools.stemmer.PorterStemmer java.io.File) (:require [clojure.string :as st] [clojure.core.matrix :as cm] [clatrix.core :as cc]) (:gen-class))

Now, let us write the functions that create the matrix $A$ from a given document:

(defn bag-of-words [sentence stemmer stop-words] {sentence (as-> sentence $ (st/lower-case $) (st/replace $ #"[^\s\p{Isletter}]" "") (st/split $ #"\s+") (filter #(not (stop-words %)) $) (map #(.stem stemmer %) $) (into #{} $))}) (defn get-matrix [sentences detector stemmer stop-words] (let [raw (into {} (mapcat #(bag-of-words % stemmer stop-words) sentences)) ws (->> (vals raw) (reduce concat) (into #{}) (into [])) n (count sentences) m (count ws) A (cc/zeros m n)] (doseq [i (range n)] (doseq [w (get raw (nth sentences i))] (cc/set A (.indexOf ws w) i 1))) A))

#'summary/bag-of-words #'summary/get-matrix

For the matrix decomposition, first I need the error function and a random matrix function:

(defn cost-fn [A B] (->> (cm/sub A B) (cm/to-vector) (map (fn [x] (* x x))) (reduce +))) (defn random-matrix [n m] (as-> (repeatedly rand) $ (take (* n m) $) (cm/reshape $ [n m])))

#'summary/cost-fn #'summary/random-matrix

Now, the matrix decomposition code:

(defn nnmd [D k cost-fn epocs tol rate] (let [n (cm/row-count D) m (cm/column-count D) s (* n m)] (loop [W (random-matrix n k) H (random-matrix k m) i epocs c tol] (if (or (= i 0) (< c tol)) [W H i c] (let [u (cm/reshape (take s (repeat 1)) [n m]) Wt (cm/transpose W) Ht (cm/transpose H) et (cm/mul rate (cm/div W (cm/mmul u Ht))) mu (cm/mul rate (cm/div H (cm/mmul Wt u))) temp (cm/sub (cm/div D (cm/mmul W H)) u)] (recur (cm/add W (cm/mul et (cm/mmul temp Ht))) (cm/add H (cm/mul mu (cm/mmul Wt temp))) (dec i) (/ (cost-fn D (cm/mmul W H)) s)))))))

#'summary/nnmd

So, let us test:

(def summary (let [sd (SentenceDetectorME. (SentenceModel. (File. "resources/en-sent.bin"))) stemmer (PorterStemmer.) sentences (->> (slurp "data/textc") (.sentDetect sd) (into [])) stop-words (as-> (slurp "resources/remove-en") $ (st/replace $ #"\p{IsPunctuation}" "") (st/split $ #"\s+") (into #{} $)) matrix (get-matrix sentences sd stemmer stop-words) [W H i c] (cc/t (nnmd matrix 3 cost-fn 2000 1e-2 1e-2)) weights (cc/matrix W)] (map (fn [s w] {:sentence s :weight w}) sentences weights)))

Topic 1 Topic 2 Topic 3 Sentence 0.00 0.18 0.36 The Obama administration has backed down in its bitter dispute with Silicon Valley over the encryption of data on iPhones and other digital devices, concluding that it is not possible to give American law enforcement and intelligence agencies access to that information without also creating an opening that China, Russia, cybercriminals and terrorists could exploit. 0.00 0.00 0.18 With its decision, which angered the FBI and other law enforcement agencies, the administration essentially agreed with Apple, Google, Microsoft and a group of the nation’s top cryptographers and computer scientists that millions of Americans would be vulnerable to hacking if technology firms and smartphone manufacturers were required to provide the government with “back doors,” or access to their source code and encryption keys. 0.00 0.18 0.00 Companies like Apple say they are protecting their customers’ information by resisting government demands for access to text messages. 0.00 0.18 0.00 A standoff has grown between the sides as the companies have embraced tougher encryption. 0.00 0.18 0.00 Peter G Neumann, a computer security pioneer, says “there are more vulnerabilities than ever. 0.00 0.00 0.18 Security experts like Richard A. Clarke, the former White House counterterrorism czar, also signed the letter to Obama. 0.00 0.00 0.18 That would enable the government to see messages, photographs and other data now routinely encrypted on smartphones. 0.00 0.00 0.18 Current technology puts the keys for access to the information in the hands of the individual user, not the companies. 0.00 0.75 0.87 The first indication of the retreat came on Thursday, when the FBI director, James B Comey, told the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee that the administration would not seek legislation to compel the companies to create such a portal. 0.00 0.18 0.18 But the decision, made at the White House a week ago, goes considerably beyond that. 0.19 0.00 0.00 While the administration said it would continue to try to persuade companies like Apple and Google to assist in criminal and national security investigations, it determined that the government should not force them to breach the security of their products. 0.79 0.93 0.65 In essence, investigators will have to hope they find other ways to get what they need, from data stored in the cloud in unencrypted form or transmitted over phone lines, which are covered by a law that affects telecommunications providers but not the technology giants. 0.00 0.18 0.00 Mr Comey had expressed alarm a year ago after Apple introduced an operating system that encrypted virtually everything contained in an iPhone. 0.00 0.00 0.18 What frustrated him was that Apple had designed the system to ensure that the company never held on to the keys, putting them entirely in the hands of users through the codes or fingerprints they use to get into their phones. 0.38 0.00 0.00 As a result, if Apple is handed a court order for data — until recently, it received hundreds every year — it could not open the coded information. 0.19 0.00 0.18 Mr Comey compared that system to the creation of a door no law officers could enter, or a car trunk they could not unlock. 0.19 0.00 0.00 His concern about what the FBI calls the “going dark” problem received support from the director of the National Security Agency and other intelligence officials. 0.19 0.00 0.00 But after a year of study and extensive White House debate, President Obama and his advisers have reached a broad conclusion that an effort to compel the companies to give the government access would fail, both politically and technologically. 0.95 0.00 0.73 “This looks promising, but there’s still going to be tremendous pressure from law enforcement,” said Peter G Neumann, one of the nation’s leading computer scientists and a co-author of a paper that examined the government’s proposal for special access. 0.19 0.18 0.00 “The N.S.A. is capable of dealing with the cryptography for now, but law enforcement is going to have real difficulty with this. 0.19 0.00 0.00 This is never a done deal.” 0.19 0.00 0.00 In the paper, released in July, Mr Neumann and other top cryptographers and computer scientists argued that there was no way for the government to have a back door into encrypted communications without creating an opening that would be exploited by Chinese and Russian intelligence agents, cybercriminals and terrorist groups. 0.00 0.00 0.18 Inside the White House, the Office of Science and Technology Policy came largely to the same conclusion. 0.19 0.00 0.00 Those determinations surprised the FBI and local law enforcement officials, who had believed just months ago that the White House would ultimately embrace their efforts. 0.00 0.16 1.29 The intelligence agencies were less vocal, which may reflect their greater capability to search for and gather information. 0.00 0.18 0.00 The National Security Agency spends vast sums to get around digital encryption, and it has tools and resources that local law enforcement officials still do not have and most likely never will. 0.38 0.00 0.00 Disclosures by the former N.S.A. contractor Edward J. Snowden showed the extent of the agency’s focus on cracking and circumventing the encryption of digital communications, including those of Apple, Facebook, Google and Yahoo users. 0.00 0.00 0.18 There were other motivations for the administration’s decision. 0.19 0.00 0.00 Mr Obama and his aides had come to fear that the United States could set a precedent that China and other nations would emulate, requiring Apple, Google and the rest of America’s technology giants to provide them with the same access, officials said. 0.38 0.00 0.00 Timothy D Cook, the chief executive of Apple, sat at the head table with Mr Obama and Xi Jinping, the Chinese president, at a state dinner at the White House last month. 0.19 0.00 0.00 According to government officials and industry executives, Mr Cook told Mr Obama that the Chinese were waiting for an opportunity to seize on administration action to insist that Apple devices, which are also encrypted in China, be open to Beijing’s agents. 0.00 0.00 0.18 In January, three months after Mr Comey began pressing companies for special government access, Chinese officials had threatened to do just that: They considered submitting foreign companies to invasive audits and requiring them to build back doors into their hardware and software. 0.00 0.18 0.00 Those rules have not been put into effect. 0.00 0.18 0.00 The Obama administration’s position was also undercut by officials’ inability to keep their own data safe from Chinese hackers, as shown by the extensive cyberattack at the Office of Personnel Management discovered this year. 0.00 0.18 0.18 That breach, and its aftermath, called into question whether the government could keep the keys to the world’s communications safe from its adversaries in cyberspace. 0.15 0.46 0.29 White House officials said they would continue trying to persuade technology companies to help them in investigations, but they did not specify how. 0.00 0.18 0.00 “As the president has said, the United States will work to ensure that malicious actors can be held to account, without weakening our commitment to strong encryption,” said Mark Stroh, a spokesman for the National Security Council. 0.38 0.00 0.00 “As part of those efforts, we are actively engaged with private companies to ensure they understand the public safety and national security risks that result from malicious actors’ use of their encrypted products and services. 0.00 0.00 0.18 However, the administration is not seeking legislation at this time.” 0.00 1.05 0.74 But here in Silicon Valley, executives did not think the government’s announcement went far enough. 0.00 0.00 0.18 According to administration officials and technology executives, Mr Cook of Apple has pressed the White House for a clear statement that it will never seek a back door in any form, legislative or technical — a statement he hoped to take to Beijing, Moscow and even London. 0.00 0.18 0.00 Prime Minister David Cameron of Britain has threatened to ban encrypted devices and services, like the iPhone and Facebook’s popular WhatsApp messaging service, but has done nothing so far to make good on that threat. 0.19 0.00 0.00 Technology executives are determined to reassure customers abroad that American intelligence agencies are not reading their digital communications. 0.00 0.14 0.22 It is an effort driven by economics: 64 percent of Apple’s revenue originates overseas. 0.00 0.00 0.18 Apple, Google, Facebook and Microsoft argue that people put not only their conversations but their entire digital lives — medical records, tax returns, bank accounts — into a device that slips into their pocket. 0.00 0.00 0.37 While Mr Obama has repeatedly said he is sympathetic to the concerns of law enforcement officials, he made clear during a visit to Silicon Valley in February that he was also aware of privacy concerns and that he sought to balance both interests. 0.00 0.00 0.18 Technologists responded that, with regard to encryption, no such balance existed. 0.00 0.00 0.18 “The real problem is, I don’t see any middle ground for dumbing down everything to make special access possible and having the secure systems we need for commerce, government and everything else,” Mr Neumann said.

In this example, the third topic seems promising. If we take only the sentences of weight 0.3 and higher we get

The Obama administration has backed down in its bitter dispute with Silicon Valley over the encryption of data on iPhones and other digital devices, concluding that it is not possible to give American law enforcement and intelligence agencies access to that information without also creating an opening that China, Russia, cybercriminals and terrorists could exploit. The first indication of the retreat came on Thursday, when the FBI director, James B Comey, told the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee that the administration would not seek legislation to compel the companies to create such a portal. In essence, investigators will have to hope they find other ways to get what they need, from data stored in the cloud in unencrypted form or transmitted over phone lines, which are covered by a law that affects telecommunications providers but not the technology giants. “This looks promising, but there’s still going to be tremendous pressure from law enforcement,” said Peter G Neumann, one of the nation’s leading computer scientists and a co-author of a paper that examined the government’s proposal for special access. The intelligence agencies were less vocal, which may reflect their greater capability to search for and gather information. But here in Silicon Valley, executives did not think the government’s announcement went far enough. While Mr Obama has repeatedly said he is sympathetic to the concerns of law enforcement officials, he made clear during a visit to Silicon Valley in February that he was also aware of privacy concerns and that he sought to balance both interests.

[goarticletec-blog]

Man sold his company for $1.4B, now he's starting over again

New Post has been published on https://www.articletec.com/man-sold-his-company-for-1-4b-now-hes-starting-over-again/

Man sold his company for $1.4B, now he's starting over again

MIAMI (AP) – If it has happened to Miami, it has happened to Manny Medina.

The resumé of one of the city’s most storied entrepreneurs reads like a history of the city’s last 40 years: boom, bust and reemergence. Immigrant. Accountant. Real estate tycoon. Failure. Billion-dollar success. Tech cheerleader. Startup entrepreneur.

And though he’s in his seventh decade, Medina is no more finished reinventing himself than the city itself.

In May 2017, Medina created Cyxtera, a Coral Gables firm whose mission is to help companies better protect their data, whether it sits in a server or in the cloud. It has already grown to more than 1,300 employees spread across the globe, with more than 100 located in Miami.

“This is bar-none the biggest undertaking we’ve ever had,” he said recently from Cyxtera’s Miracle Mile corner office. “This market is so huge. It’s not going away anytime soon – not going away in our lifetime or grandkids’ lifetime. It’s a really big problem but a big, big opportunity.”

The launch of Cyxtera takes Medina back into the business world at full speed. Six years ago, after he sold his real-estate-turned-data-center and services firm, Terremark, to Verizon for $1.4 billion, Medina was ready for a break. It didn’t last long; he soon was back investing in other tech firms and creating eMerge Americas, now the region’s premier tech conference.

In the increasingly crowded data security field – expected to be worth $52 billion by 2020 according to Allied Market Research – the young Cyxtera is still relatively unknown. Still, Medina bristles at the idea that Cyxtera is a startup, even though it would fit the generally accepted definition of one.

“This is a train going 200 miles per hour,” he said. “It didn’t stop to pick me up – I had to jump on it with my hands, my teeth, everything. It wasn’t like Terremark, building it organically and then went into M&A; mode. We started with a significantly big company and critical size. It’s a startup, but it’s one big startup.”

Already, Medina says he has an IPO in his sights. If realized, it would give Miami-Dade its first high-profile, publicly traded tech company.

In many ways, Cyxtera is a next-generation Terremark. By the time of its 2011 sale, Terremark hosted more than a dozen data centers – large, bunker-type facilities that house thousands of computer servers – in addition to the Network Access Point of the Americas, through which all Internet traffic in the region is routed.

In creating Cyxtera, Medina’s team bought 57 data centers from telecom firm CenturyLink, which was looking to shift its business emphasis. Cyxtera also bought five different cybersecurity and data-management companies, most previously parts of Medina’s Medina Capital investment firm portfolio. The total tab: nearly $3 billion. Ownership is held by Medina Capital and private equity group BC Partners, which owns the majority.

The combination of so much physical infrastructure and cybersecurity software is unique in the marketplace, says Medina.

“You have data center companies – all physical data centers – and you have (cyber)security companies,” he said. “We fundamentally started with…(cyber)security carved into the physical data center.”

Cyxtera is banking on what Medina calls a software-defined perimeter. It’s software that allows a company to control all of its data, regardless of the third-party software they’re using (like Gmail), or the device used for access. Cyxtera reduces the available “surface” a potential attacker can even see. (Think of it like a “Star Wars” cloaking device.) And what hackers can’t see, they can’t attack.

“The basic concept is, users of a resource or an app should only be given access to what they’re entitled to without seeing anything else,” he said. “Everything else is obfuscated.”

Philbert Shigh, head of Structure Research, a data center services analyst group, said that while Cyxtera is still relatively new, the acquisitions it has made give it a solid revenue base and a global data-center footprint.

What makes Cyxtera unique, he said, is the combination of infrastructure – known as co-location – and security. “They offer co-location services, but with a meaningful security wrapper around the surface…”It’s a good way to differentiate.”

Kerry Bailey, CEO of cybersecurity firm eSentire, found Cyxtera’s offering so compelling that he has signed up as a customer. Unlike Equinix, the world’s largest data-center provider, Cyxtera is marketing itself as a security-first firm.

“For us being a security company, it couldn’t just be any old data center out in the wild,” he said.

But other companies have a head start, noted Tim Crawford, founder of AVOA, an advisory group for chief information officers, and Cyxtera will need to prove its value.

“(Name-brand recognition) makes a big difference when thinking about your core infrastructure needs,” he said.

But Medina is moving quickly, thanks in part to his experienced leadership team. Many are Terramark veterans who learned the business of data storage and network services working at Terremark’s NAP of the Americas, located in a downtown Miami building off I-395 topped by giant orbs.

Cyxtera is also recruiting out-of-town experts including Greg Touhill, former president Barack Obama’s Chief Information Security Officer, and Leo Taddeo, former Special Agent in Charge of the Special Operations/Cyber Division of the FBI’s New York Office.

One key hire was Dave Aitel, a former National Security Agency engineer who joined Cyxtera as chief security technical officer when Cyxtera acquired his security company Immunity Inc. The company was a pioneer in “penetration testing, where good hackers try to break into an organization’s network to expose potential holes & vulnerabilities that bad hackers/cybercriminals/nation-states could use to get in,” explained Kelly Jackson Higgins, executive editor of information security magazine Dark Reading.

Aitel said he had received plenty of offers in the past. Medina’s personality and background drew him to Cyxtera.

“The thing about Manny, like many successful executives, he doesn’t have his ‘fight or flight’ instinct tuned correctly,” Aitel said. “He can look at something that seems impossible and continue to find ways around all the problems…We don’t look for people who have always had it good, we look to people who have overcome adversity.”

Despite its spectacular $1.4 billion exit, Terremark didn’t start out as a technology firm. Initially, it was a real estate company.

Like many Cuban-Americans of his generation, Medina came to Miami in the 1960s. He was 13.

Virtually penniless, his family first lived with relatives in a one-bedroom frame house in Liberty City. Medina’s father was a cab driver, his mother a hotel maid. Medina delivered newspapers to help make ends meet. He bounced between schools before graduating from Miami Beach High School. After some convincing from his mother, he enrolled at Miami-Dade College.

At Miami-Dade College, he said, his life changed forever. “I found a nurturing environment that I had never known,” he told Ocean Drive Magazine in 2016. “They give you that opportunity no matter what happened to you before.”

After two years, he left for Florida Atlantic University, graduating with a bachelor’s degree in accounting. He took a job with Price Waterhouse (now PriceWaterhouseCoopers) soon thereafter.

In 1976, he formed his own accounting firm, concentrating on consulting work for Latin American investors. But real estate was hot at the time, and in 1980 he formed Terremark.

Medina spent the next decade developing real estate, creating a footprint that stretched all the way to the Middle East but was mostly concentrated in Coconut Grove.

As the 1980s progressed, the famously bohemian enclave suddenly became home to condos and offices. In 1985, Medina convinced the Miami City Commission to change the neighborhood’s zoning so that his 22-story, 322,000-square-foot Terremark Centre (now a condo tower) could be built.

Along the way, he clashed with residents who believed he was eroding the neighborhood’s character.

The tower “will ultimately destroy our old established neighborhood in the North Grove,” MaryAnn Andrews, one of a number of Grove residents strongly opposed both to Terremark Centre and the Bayshore changes, told the Miami Herald in January 1985. “It’s going to be very glitzy, very fat on office space and parking.”

Medina would typically respond to such concerns by reminding residents their property values would end up rising if he was successful.

By 1989, according to the Miami Herald, some had come to calling the Grove “Mannyland.” That year, Medina turned 36.

Things changed practically overnight for Terremark as the new decade dawned: The collapse of Terremark Centre’s principal tenant, an event that hit right as the 1990 recession bore down, plunged the company into turmoil. By 1991, lenders moved to foreclose on Medina’s Star Island mansion.

In response, Medina moved to the Middle East for several months to rebuild schools and housing after the Persian Gulf War.

Upon his return, he settled a lawsuit related to Terremark Centre. Business picked up. One of his best known projects became the upscale but affordable Fortune House condo on Biscayne Bay in Brickell. It is now a hotel.

By the late 1990s, Medina realized his commercial real estate tenants were demanding more IT infrastructure. Soon, what had been a real-estate play turned into a Terremark’s full-scale conversion into a data center services provider. Medina also drew inspiration from seeing how his two children, Melissa (now president of eMerge Americas and the Technology Foundation of the Americas) and Manny Jr. (now bassist in country star Kip Moore’s band) were using the Internet.

“He saw it through the eyes of his kids that all this technology was becoming available – that’s kind of what triggered his interest, and how he knew it would be a big deal,” said Javier Avino, a partner at Miami law firm Bilzin Sumberg and a longtime family friend.

Terremark began building data centers and connection hubs. That effort culminated in the Network Access Point of the Americas.

And then came the dot-com bust. In January 2002, Terremark’s stock dropped more than 90 percent. Debt and cash flow issues led some to wonder whether the company would survive.

But three years later, the company was back on its feet again, thanks to the growing importance of the NAP. By then, about 90 percent of all Internet traffic into and out of Latin America traveled through the downtown Miami portal. Google and the State Department had come on as clients.

By 2011, Terremark had almost completely shed its traditional real estate portfolio to become one of the leading data centers and IT companies in the world, with 13 network hubs worldwide. That year, Verizon came calling, paying $1.4 billion to absorb the firm Medina had started 31 years earlier.

The acquisition “immediately strengthens (Verizon‘s) role as a strategic supplier to the U.S. federal government and its position in a rapidly growing Latin American market, as well as adding key assets for the white-hot global cloud computing market,” analyst Nancy Wilson wrote at the time. Verizon sold Terremark’s assets in 2017.

Even without Cyxtera, Miami’s tech scene would be less vibrant without Medina. Prior to founding Cyxtera, he created eMerge Americas in 2014. Today, it is the largest tech and startup showcase focused on the Americas. This year, the conference drew a reported 15,000 attendees.

“Emerge has for sure made a big impact on the community,” according to Brian Breslin, founder of Miami tech nonprofit Refresh Miami and now director of University of Miami’s LaunchPad. “All other conferences were temporary. His organization has managed to build something sustainable that lasts.”

The conference has featured speakers from companies as large as Amazon, IBM, and Verizon.

Michael Katz, a former president at Terremark, credits Medina with helping the city become a global hotspot. Katz is now a principal at S&K; Realty in Miami.

“Manny has played a very prominent role in helping to form Miami into a much more mature community,” Katz said. “Manny had foresight and vision to understand that Miami and South Florida should become the capital of internet technology for Americas.”

Still, Miami has a ways to go. Medina acknowledges – and data confirm – that Miami continues to lose top tech talent to other regions and sometimes struggles to compete for talent globally.

“Competing against guys in Virginia, Silicon Valley, Dallas – you’re competing with one hand tied behind your back,” he said.

But while Miami has been talking about becoming a tech hub for decades now, Medina is convinced this time is different. He points to increases in venture capital activity; the Kauffman Foundation’s ranking of Miami as the top city for startup activity in the U.S., and increasing tech-industry growth.

“With this momentum, I am confident that Miami will soon be known by all as a true tech hub,” he said.

___

Information from: The Miami Herald, http://www.herald.com

Copyright © 2018 The Washington Times, LLC.

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[2monstax]

lil backstory b4 i begin: someone found a message with a swastika on it saying “hey f*****s! we live right next door” or smth like that on campus but it happened abt 2 WEEKS AGO and we just got the news now, all abt how the police dept and the fbi were involved and my uni “immediately started investigating” etc etc 

there’s someone in my dorm who’s going on abt the message bc apparently nothing was said/done abt it bc it was “anti-t***p” (even though literally??? not one word in that???? specifically relates to him????) nd like i totally get it, it’s not anti-t***p and even if it is, fuck him anyway bc anyone with eyes and internet access knows he’s a shit person, nd tbh i’m quite angry that that kind of connection (of the message (and swastika?) to trump) was made and idk normalized? the hate speech (esp considering it’s not the first time these kinds of messages have appeared on campus) but literally,,,this person has been talking abt it (on and off i assume) for hours.....

now i’d love to be as passionate as they are abt social issues and such but ffs u gotta give urself a break or u rly will just let those hateful, angry feelings become ur entire being (and this person does this.,..,.,quite often...,,.abt lots of issues..,,.) nd i know that when i keep thinking/talking abt something like this, it’s exhausting for me and prob for anyone who listens to me,..,idk it seems like to me, they’re always just so angry and that’s gotta be tiring. nd i’m not saying that they should be blind or ignorant to what’s going on but it’s just that sometimes it’s best to not need to know every single detail of everything going on at all times

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x19 recap

(Aka the Scavenger hunt)

(Aka both Zapata and Shepherd getting arrested and Reade coming back and Patterson being adorable and Jeller ALMOST-KISSING AAAAAHHHHHHHH)

Well, here it is at last. This recap should have been posted a week ago, after already having been delayed by all the fic-writing, but just as it was aaaalmost done, my computer crashed and lost the whole damn thing. So here’s take 2 haha, and I’ll try to get my 2x20 recap up tomorrow, if I’m lucky...

(Warning: extreme flailing ahead)

Well, here’s to the amount of deja vu I’m about to experience lol. And just a note-- I’m gonna speed through the Shepherd scenes bc frankly I don’t care about them in the slightest. And so speaking of which, we're back in Bangkok and Shepherd’s using all the ominous language about how the guy should avoid the western world and blah blah she totally thinks she's so badass, yet she has no idea that the western world-- or specifically, the Weller & Patterson bro-sis combo, is about to Strike Back (;P). And so while she's acting tough and threatening the sellers of the toxic stuff, these two precious little catburglars are stealing all of her ill-gotten money. I love Patterson being about to go into a complex explanation of how, and Weller being all "Don't explain. Just type." haha. Aw, my little partners in crime. And then Patterson succeeds in freezing the account, causing all hell to break loose for Shepherd, bullets flying, her entire little posse getting shot down and she herself barely escaping with her life (though damn, for a middle-aged lady she sure still got some moves)-- and back in the lab, Weller and Patterson are just sitting there like.... 'well that was anticlimactic' hahahaha. Oh, if only you knew how much you had just ruined Shepherd's day lol. You would be as delighted as I am. Also damn she just went all Terminator on this guy, only to get nabbed by the cops which is SO satisfying even though we know she'll get free soon enough. But still, anything that pisses Shepherd off is just fine by me lol

Looollll it's the Right Boob Snake! I assume you guys heard the story from last year's SDCC panel, but in case you didn’t, the gist of it was that this tattoo is Rob's favourite because each tattoo is kept in a separately labelled storage container thing and this one is labelled with 'Right boob snake'. Also I love that we have literally never seen the team use a CG graphic of the tattoos until now, when it's one in a 'private area', which is so cute omg. I wonder if Weller is disappointed or relieved? Knowing what a gentleman he is, probably relieved lol. But anyway, they already know that the snake is the calling-card of a hacker guy, but they could never find him until just now, when he was picked up on facial recognition for the first time. Is it just me or does he kind of look like a less-attractive Henry Cavill? But anyhow they assume that he's going to hack into some mainframe or something so they rush to Grand Central to detain him. And awww Jane and Tasha both get their own little mini-teams to lead. Man, these guys are totally FBI elite, aren’t they? God all the other agents must think they are just so cool. I bet there's heaps of office gossip about them and people pick their favourite team member like fans do with the Avengers (which should clearly be Clint and Natasha, duhh) or Power Rangers or whatever. I bet all the Reade fans have been bummed lately. But anyhow, they've spotted their target at the station-- he just picked up a dead drop. Jane follows him, but he's clearly expecting trouble bc he notices her, then makes a run for it-- only to be grabbed by another guy. And for a sec I thought it was one of Jane's lackeys that she'd perfectly positioned-- but then that guy slits the hacker's throat and steals the package. Daaaamn. Also omg I find it hilarious that there's like instant screaming and running from the bystanders the moment it happens-- like c’mon, writers. These are New Yorkers. New Yorkers have got shit to do and places to be and they keep their eyes DOWN. They'd have to be standing right beside this guy and get their coffee spilled on themselves in the struggle to even notice at all. I do appreciate that Jane goes straight to the hacker to administer first aid rather than running after the attacker, leaving that to Zapata. Who does a damn good job of it, nearly catching the guy before he's shot by another dude who subsequently takes the package. Like damn, what is in this thing?? Zapata runs straight past the guy on the floor, not even checking to see if he's still alive, too busy giving chase to dude #3. Too bad, son. Weller, however, catches the guy first and kicks his ass very thoroughly, which we all know I am a huge supporter of. And inside the package is.... a Rubiks cube?? I wonder if it opens up when you solve it???

Lol Weller's bummed about going through all that for a Rubiks cube, grumping about it being a dumb toy-- and Patterson's all 'excuse u these are very cool adult things that totally normal and cool adults are into okay' and ughhh the little grin on Zapata's face just gives me life. Almost as much as the fact that when Patterson says the cube is related to Leakhub, Zapata immediately explains what it is to Jane, instantly knowing that she's in the dark about it and catches her up so she doesn't have to ask. Ughhhh Zapata is such an amazing and considerate friend and she just always knows what people need and I'm so glad that she and Jane are back to being buds again because they are the besssssttt. Then Patterson shows them the mannequin-challenge video that she found (idk exactly how, using her usual Patterson awesomeness I guess) that had the message from the Leakhub founders in it, hidden on the license plates. Damn. Sometimes I remember that this is a TV show and that it's written by actual real people and I think about it and I'm just like goddamn these people are clever. But anyhow. I love that the mannequin challenge actually came up at all (even though by this point in time, even in the show-universe, it would be a long-dead meme) just because the Blindspot cast and crew did a challenge of their own and this all feels very meta rn haha. I love Patterson approving of the classy iambic pentameter in the coded message too haha. And so they realise that the Leakhub founders are basically having a going out of business giveaway, handing over their cache of Super Secret Files to whoever completes their challenge. And on that list of documents is... dun dun dun... the Truman Protocol, which as we've heard is basically the basis of Phase 2. So if they find this document, they might be able to stop Shepherd. And, you know, there's also the fact that if any one of these documents gets into the wrong hands, it could have devastating consequences etc etc 

Aaaand Shepherd is in some super tiny little jail thing, and will be taken to the consulate when it opens in ten hours. Yeaaaaahhhhh she'll be long gone by then. I do appreciate the guard guy verbally putting her in her place though. Too bad she'll probably kill him soon.

Lol Patterson has solved the Rubiks cube-- though not in the traditional way, as Weller points out, eyeing the randomly-coloured sides. She snarks that she could have solved it in 30 seconds (20 when she was in tournament shape appearently, and omg I adore her so much) but explains that the arrangement of the little colored squares per side IS the code, with each pair of them representing numbers or letters. Zapata seems to get it, bc that girl is honestly such a secret little nerd, but I personally would be in the 'smile and nod' camp with Jane and Weller rn lol. Basically it translates to a challenge where they have to hack one of a bunch of different documents. They realise, too, that there were other Rubiks cubes out there, and other people are also playing this game, meaning it's like a large-scale scavenger hunt. The team picks one that involves a big pharmaceutical company that is reported to have products that cause cancer, meaning they can complete the challenge in a bit of a Robin Hood way rather than causing more problems. Weller's totally ready to just ditch Patterson to get all hacky with it, but she drags him back, telling him that doing it by remote access would take her all day, and then before he even speaks she says in a super deep voice "we don't have that kind of time, Patterson" and then continues laying out her plan and oh my godddddd Patterson mocking her big bro is everything I have ever wanted in this world and more. I think I literally shrieked. Weller gives her this adorable 'excuse me??' look and ugh Jane is so completely failing at hiding her smile and omg I love this stupid team and their stupid family dynamic ughhhhhhh 

Omg. Patterson's plan literally involves Jane and Weller going for a relaxing couple's stroll down the CEO guy's street, and I literally cannot even explain how delighted I am rn because Jane is literally loving it?? She's smiling like a kid, just so happy to be here with him, getting to do something relaxed and easy and just the two of them-- like literally she could reach out just a tiny bit and they'd be holding hands, walking down the street like any other lovestruck couple without a care in the world. And of course Weller notices her smile, and he makes a joke about them not getting shot at for once (dude, please at least knock on wood after saying something like that, geez), and ughhhhhh I love her little laugh and her bright smile as she looks up at him and then the way she giggles as a couple of kids race past them and omg she's literally almost giddy just to be out doing something normal with the man she loves and I am SO EMOTIONAL about it. And then sighhhh, the moment is over and the smile fades and she takes a deep breath and asks him about hearing from Nas, and how he feels about her leaving, given the whole thing with Allie having left as well, and oh godddd now I'm emotional in a much less pleasant way because she knowwwwwwwss. Jane knows/knew about him and Nas-- like she might even think that they were still together right up until Nas left-- and she puts her own feelings aside to make sure he's okay and aaaaarghhhhhhhhh this is the woooooorst. She has literally probably known since that damn baby shower in 2x08 and ugh I can't even imagine how it must have hurt her to see them both at work every day and know that they probably woke up together that morning or would be going home to each other that night and ugh noooo my baby. She just cares about him so much and suffers through it silently and ugh it hurts me. And Weller's pretty much all 'huh? Nas who?' bc lbr that was only ever just a stupid fling for him (emphasis on the stupid) and his heart has always been 100% Jane's but he probably thinks she's just asking to make sure he doesn't compromise the mission somehow by being distracted over Nas and there's almost a dry little chuckle in his voice as he tells her he's fine and ughhhh these two literally just need to have a clear conversation bc this is driving me CRAZY. Idiots. But anyhow, they've just found the guy's car (fortunate timing there) and so they stroll over, with Weller standing guard over Jane while she casually slashes though one of the car's tires like it's warm butter (bc she's a superhuman, obviously-- do you have any idea how hard it is to slash through a tire?? Hard!) but anyway tbh I don't know if anything could really capture my aesthetic better than this moment lol? And anyhow onto the next step-- the guy comes out and sees his slashed tire, only for a cab to conveniently pull up right beside him-- with Weller at the wheel haha. Ugh I love Patterson's customer service voice as she calls to tell the guy he's being hacked, almost as much as I love the little grin she and Zapata exchange as she does it. And then he tells her to piss off with her little scam, then calls the ‘real’ IT department-- only to be answered by Zapata, and omgggg if I loved Patterson's customer service voice I am DYING over Zapata's. Also what an asshole, he just hung up on Zapata mid-sentence?? So glad their little camera then watches him put in his password so they can steal all his stuff and expose him. But ughh I can't believe that Weller's voice has somehow managed to get even deeper and more gravelly than usual? I hope Jane can hear Cabbie!Weller over the comms rn bc I really want her to be able to experience this too haha. Honestly though do the writers of this ep have some kind of role-playing fantasy, or?? Because it's sure as hell feeling like it... not that I’m complaining   

Aaaahhh Reade just showed up in the bullpen. Weller takes him straight to his office and I love the fact that while Reade immediately sits, Weller is standing for just a moment longer, meaning that when Reade apologises he's looking up at Weller. It's very 'penitent son' or something, idk. And Weller is so calm and steady, and ugh he could totally rip Read a new one for what he did but instead he's so supportive and forgiving and allows Reade to take the time off without the upper management ever having to hear what he did and ugh tbh I feel like season 1 Weller wouldn't have been this gentle?He would have been much more shouty. I think his experiences with trauma and betrayal recently have made him even more understanding and forgiving and despite what Reade said before, they ARE family. And Weller looks out for his own. And then ughhh Reade and Zapata... but wait he thanks her for 'sitting through that' and she tells him she's sorry... and oh no. Ohhhh noooooo. He really was abused. Oh god. I am so horrified and sad that he had to watch that and sort of re-live it. Ugh Reade my baby I know I've been grumpy at your behaviour lately but I am so sorry and I love you and I hate to see you hurting. Also their hug is so sweet ugh and wow she really is tiiiiiny lol            

Awww Weller walks into the Bullpen and I love that his three ladies are all hanging out together at the same desk?? Like Patterson could be down in her lab with her lackeys and Jane and Zapata could have been off doing their own thing but instead they're all sticking together bc they're besties and ughhhhh I am so happy. Also have I mentioned how much I love this ‘Charlie's Angels’ kinda situation they've got going on rn?? Reade's away and there's no more Nas (#sosad), so it's just Weller and his angels and ugh I am so into it. Literally can we have a spin-off movie about this? Like Patterson is their computer whiz and Zapata is the demolitions/weaponry expert and Jane is their combat expert and they fight crime under the direction of their doting leader Weller and ugh just give it to me now. But anyhow the Leakhub peeps have received the files that they hacked from the asshole drug company guy (and which Patterson cleverly sent through fancy means so they'll never know it came from the FBI), and a new message comes, telling them to wear red, go to a particular place, and bring someone they trust. And uggghhhh just let me die, bc Weller doesn't even hesitate; he just immediately picks Jane to go with him. Their responses kill me-- Jane's head snaps around and she just stares at him; Zapata's all like 'of course you would' haha; whereas Patterson's all disbelieving and insists that she should be the one to go bc what if there are more puzzles??? This is literally her forte. Ooh and Zapata looks at him then like 'let's see you argue this one buddy' lol. And then Weller says he's great at puzzles and Patterson legit laughs before quickly putting on a serious face when he stares at her (yep, he may be your big bro but he's kinda still your boss, honey) and she says "Yes, in your own way" and ughhh Zapata is LOVING this and I loooove the fact that she looks to Jane (who is determinedly staring at the ground, trying so hard not to laugh) because they're best buds again and they're all sharing this joke at Weller's expense ughhhh. Oh man, I almost feel sorry for my lil boy. So outnumbered. So out of his depth. But because they love him, they let him pretend that he really is calling the shots, and Patterson relents (sidenote: what are those earring she's wearing? Like an inverted triangle underneath another upright triangle? Isn't there some culture where upside down triangle means ‘woman’ and upward pointing triangle means ‘man’? So this combination would mean... sex? Idk maybe I just made that up, but anyway enough about the sex earrings) and helps Jane pick out her red outfit. Maaannn I wish we had gotten to see the conversation she and Jane had in the locker-room (or lbr, the one she, Jane and Zapata had, all in there together giggling at Weller’s expense haha). 

Oooh karma has caught up with Weller quickly-- he's right, he does look ridiculous. But I still dig it?? And it seems Jane does too haha. Ugh I loooove seeing her smile and laugh so much??? She's actually really enjoying this case and I think that has less to do with the relative lack of danger and more to do with the amount of one-on-one time with Weller ugh. Oh and now suddenly they're swept up in a sea of red, meaning Patterson and Zapata lose them. Ooops. So they end up at some big old industrial building, which Weller says used to be a sanatorium for TB patients back in the early 1900s. Well look at you, lil history buff! I am now headcanoning that Weller knows heaps of NYC history bc it was an interest he developed when he was younger (maybe young Weller couldn't face the future without Taylor so he spent all his time focused on the past ugh) and ugh now I want him to take Jane out on a walking date where he just tells her history of the places they see while they hold hands and eat icecream or something ugh. I can dream, right?? But anyhow the door is their first challenge-- a keypad with a note about the simplest answer being the right one, and a math riddle, and they just look at each other like 'man it would be great to have Patterson right now' lol. And Jane's like 'ugh maths is gross why don't we just guess' but Weller stops her and just reaches for the door handle and pulls the door open. The simplest answer was that the door was never locked in the first place. Looks like it's lucky Weller did go along, bc I feel like Patterson might have solved the equation without necessarily thinking of any other alternatives. Score one for Weller. Tbh I feel like I would have done the same as Weller, bc I would have just been like 'nope too much maths can I just yank it open by force instead' lol. Though man the riddle does give me some serious flashbacks to the IQ test I had to do in order to get into med school. The first third of the test was all stuff like that, and those logic puzzles like where you have to get all the animals across the river in a boat but it could only hold two at a time and some of the animals would eat each other if left alone etc. I actually quite liked that section but the middle third was more my jam-- we just read different paragraphs of text about people interacting with each other and had to determine why they did what they did/said certain things/how they were feeling etc. That part was awesome. The third part was literally looking at patterns and picking which weird shape should come next in the sequence and I really wasn't a fan of that one at all haha. But aaaaanyhow. I wonder what would have happened if they'd put an answer into the keypad? Like would it have just locked them out, or blown up in their faces?? But omg I love Weller's 'told you I was great at puzzles' and the way Jane just rolls her eyes at him omg these two are so marrieeeeddddddd

Wow okay so they pretty much just stepped into the human version of a bowl of skittles-- there's colourfully dressed couples everywhere, and looollll Jane makes a joke about being glad not to be on the turquoise team and ughhh my baby is such a goddamn cutie pie omg. The green team gives them shady looks, and Jane wonders if everyone here is a hacker-- but Weller says some would be mercenaries or bodyguards or spies. Great. Lol then suddenly the lights go down and epic music starts and a spotlight appears on a hooded figure and for half a second I almost expect it to be Rich (even though I know he's back in prison and has an entirely different body shape) bc this is totally his kind of style haha. But then the hooded figure reveals themselves to be... Kaylee?? Erm, I mean some lady hacker, meaning ooooh the Hacker Bros are actually sisters. Or were, since the other one was apparently killed in a boat crash. Um, okay. This is all a little weird. God she really does remind me of Rich though. I wonder if they've met? I bet they're friends. Or exes haha. And then crap she says that there's a cop in the room and pulls out a gun and dammit Jane your poker face is usually better than this, get yourself under control woman! But then she does sound super badass and in-control when the Hacker Chick asks her who she thinks the cop is, so phew. Aaaand oops, now the white team is dead. Well, a little less competition, at least? 

Oh I forgot about Shepherd. She tries to connect with the guard about living with tyrants, but little does he know that SHE is the tyrant she's talking about. Ugh, I wish he had a tranq gun or something to knock her out with              

Oh Readey. My baby is at the shooting range having all kinds of nasty flashbacks as he shoots, and okay either all his shots will have gone wild and missed entirely, or they'll all be right on top of one another in the silhouette-man's heart. Aaand it's the latter. Oh my poor traumatised son. You need more Zapata hugs ugh      

Hacker chick is taking them all to individual rooms for the next challenge, and I love that when she holds up the hard drive of files, Jane looks back at Weller like 'are you sure we can't just attack her now and steal it? We could take on all these people' lol. But instead they head for their room (poor orange team just got dissed by the Hacker chick. That's what you get for wearing such a terrible colour lol) and omg I KNOW WHAT THIS IS. I loooove escape rooms, though I've never yet done one. One just opened in my town though so I'm gonna try to drag some friends along. Oh but before the key-finding can begin, there's a polygraph challenge-- "prove you can trust each other and you'll fin d your fates will be forever intertwined" yaaaassss I like the sound of this. It's true though, isn't it? If they reveal some of the things they've ben hiding from each other and then come through this whole ordeal knowing that they trust each other, they'll be one step closer to finally getting back on the right path, the one they’re meant to be on, the one that leads to marriage and babies and growing old together ughhhhh. And oooh Weller seems a little nerv ous about the polygraph-- if it asks him his feelings for Jane, he's screwed. He'll be even more at her mercy than he already is. Not to mention that he probably still thinks she doesn't feel the same and ughhh my boy is just not ready to be stripped of the last of his walls. Not like this. Whereas Jane is all 'let's do this' because she knows that if she needs to, she can beat the machine. Though I feel like that wouldn't be hard in this instance anyway bc it's literally missing half of the measurement devices that it should have, and somehow apparently can have answers of more than just yes or no? Mmmmkay, sure. But ugh the look they exchange when the chick is on the screen talking about them trusting each other. Both of them are like 'despite everything I trust you but I have no idea if you feel the same' and ughhhh I am so READY for this. And then lol the chick trolls Weller when he tries to talk to the recording. I love the humour in this show haha. But aaaahhh the first question is about meeting each other and their first impression, and I'm interested to know how this would work for those teams that are hacker + bodyguard/mercenary? Like 'we met this morning and he seemed like he would be really good at killing people so I thought that was good'?? Or maybe that’s the point, it's like an instant method of disqualifiying some teams, in that the questions are designed to show that they have a strong bond, a connection and trust equal to that which she had with her sister, so any pairs of strangers would automatically have to fail. After all, the rule specifically said 'bring someone you trust', meaning those teams broke that rule. Which means that Jane and Weller are automatically going to be one of the few teams that have a chance of winning. Excellent. But omggggggg the way Weller looks up at her sharply when she said she was terrified when she met him?? Ugh and he looks at the computer like 'wait no that can’t be right' and it comes up True and she looks at him all 'I did good?' and he's still processing that one because ugh of course she was scared-- she had no idea who she was or why this was happening and was locked in a room completely at the mercy of the people holding her-- but he would hate the thought of her being scared of HIM. But tbh I totally believe that the moment she first met him, her terror went from overwhelming to just a low background hum, because she just instantly recognised that he was Good and would try to help her and protect her. But wait hold on I want to hear about Weller's first impression too?? Because I feel like it would have been something like 'My first impression was that she was beautiful.... and that she was somehow both dangerous and vulnerable at the same time. From the moment I saw her I wanted to protect her.' and it would ping true and Jane would stare at him while he stared at the floor and ughhhhhhhhh why would you rob me of this opportunity show, whyyyy

Patterson's database just flagged that one of the fake documents made by Sandstorm's forger guy was just recently used-- and so they realise that Shepherd is in Bangkok. Dun dun dunnnnnn. They also still have no idea where Weller and Jane are either and are very stressed about it lol

Oooh wait Jane is answering again? Are they alternating and we just didn't get to see Weller's last question, or?? And ugh she answers that yes she's lied to him about something important. It's interesting that the question doesn't ask them to admit what the lie was, but that could either be bc the writers didn't want to have to go into it, or bc the Hacker Chick just wanted to plant that seed of distrust between the pairs and cause them to have an argument about it later. Of course this question doesn't have much of effect on Jeller bc they've already had their big reveal of all the lies and the subsequent fallout. Well, most of the lies, anyway. She's still got her Emma lie and he's still got his 'I'm stupidly in love with you but have made you think I'm not' lie. Though technically his lies-- that he's in love with her, that he hooked up with Allie and Nas to distance himself from her-- are more omissions than outright lies. But then aaaaaahhhhh Hacker Chick asks what the best/worst thing their partner has done for them (again, for strangers this would be an awkward one to answer bc they wouldn't really have anything to say) and ughhh Weller answers and talks about her getting inside his walls and ugh he's avoiding her gaze and fidgeting as he speaks, but then looks up and meets her eyes as he half-whispers that the worst thing was the same answer and ugh she can barely look at him, her eyes drawn to the screen instead, because ugh when he started speaking it seemed like her getting inside his walls was the worst thing-- which it did turn out to be as well, but there was more emphasis on it being the best thing and she must hardly be able to believe that he could ever consider being vulnerable to her like that as a good thing but the screen pings True and ugh she swallows and looks like she's trying not to cry and ughhhhh save me. And then the last question is hers, and it's about why they chose to work with their partner/why did their partner choose them, and Weller looks at her kinda like 'crap, how's this gonna go' but also simultaneously 'yes please tell me how you feel about working with me because I need to know that you'll stay' and ugh she says she chose him bc he's honest and loyal-- and then meets his eyes and says she trusts him with her life. And ugh he looks down, unable to hold her gaze, and you just know he's thinking about how he didn't protect her from the CIA and how he treated her like shit when she came back and how she still believes in him even after all of that and how he doesn’t deserve it. And he's probably also thinking that she's among the maybe three people he would trust with his life, with the other two being Patterson and Zapata (Reade's temporarily taking a break from the list) and yet the others are his hand-picked teammates who he has worked with for years and who have always proven themselves to him. Jane is an ex-terrorist who he's known less than a year and who has already lied to him and betrayed him more than once, yet he would still willingly put his life in her hands because he knows she would never let anyone hurt him. Ughhhhh. But then she says that he didn't choose her, he was forced to work with her, and he looks up and frowns a little bc the computer shows that she believes that's true but it's so totally opposite to what he feels and tbh I almost expected him to say something about it right then and there, but there's no time bc a little compartment pops open and there's locks to unlock. Also I just noticed that the symbol in the screen is a triangle with an eye in it overlying an inverted triangle, almost like Patterson's earring! What does it mean?? Are Jeller being followed around by a literal sex-symbol because I'm really starting to feel like the universe is trying to send them a message.... but anyhow the escape-rooming begins, with Jane finding two keys to Weller's one, then realising that the fourth lock is opened by the third lock itself. God she's so smart. I bet Weller is finding this super hot rn, bc I’m pretty sure the rest of us are. And then ta-da, a wall slides aside to reveal a window into the room next to them, where the blue dudes are still searching for keys. A message on the screen says that pressing the big button by the door will let them out, but fill the blue guys' room with deadly gas. Which means that getting to the files first-- saving a whole bunch of people-- will require killing two people in cold blood. Well, shit.

Well, if anyone tells you that slow internet never hurt anybody, show them this clip. This guard died bc of it, poor guy. But first he was talking with her about how Remi and Roman probably miss her and I'm like nooooope they certainly do not, my man. Ugh I'm so sad he had to die, though, like it was absolutely coming from the moment she got locked up, but ugh we were SO close to having her in US custody and then... sigh.

Ugh my precious babies are desperately searching for another way out, bc they refuse to press the button. And then ugh the blue guys unlock their last lock and see the same message-- and I appreciate that one of them tries to stop the other from pressing the button. Thanks for having honour, bro. But it's still not enough, and the other guy hits the button, releasing the gas-- into their own room, while Weller and Jane's door swings open. Plot twiiiist. Jane automatically moves for the door-- they have a mission, after all-- but Weller refuses to leave the guys to die, so he smashes the window and the two of them drag the blue guys out. Ugh, my babieessss. Unfortunately being good people means that the green team has gotten a chance to get out ahead of them, and they chase them down, catching one and absolutely kicking his ass in a freakin' awesome tag-team way, because these two are literally the most badass partners ever. And so they make it to the finish line-- but after the other guy in green, who grins at them like a cocky S.O.B. But then whaaat the white-team lady is there-- she's actually the other half of the sister duo. Niiiice. Jane's all ‘????’ and the chick makes a joke about her being a ghost and lol I love how absolutely done Jane is with all of this. Poor woman is daydreaming about being back on the sunny streets strolling along with Weller rn rather than being here trying to prove herself to these criminals lol. She tries to argue that both partners were supposed to get to the finish line, yet greenie is on his own, but Hacker chick shoots down that attempt. But then Weller, my precious cupcake, my secret cinnamon roll, argues that the whole point of the button test was to ensure someone with a moral code got the files, and reminds her that he and Jane risked the win by stopping to save two strangers. White-clad sister seems to like him-- er, I mean his argument-- and so the main hacker chick is all 'eh, sure, I love a twist' and tosses the hard drive to Weller. I bet Patterson, as amazing as she is, couldn’t have succeeded like that. The green guy tries to attack Weller but neither Jane or the hackers' bodyguards are having any of that shit lol. Nobody touches Weller :P And loooolll the chick reminds them that their fates are now forever intertwined and they look at each other kind of awkwardly and it's just like well guess you guys should just go ahead and get married now then... 

Uh ohhhh, Zapata's friend from the precinct called her and says that the detective investigating Coach Jones' murder is about to start an inquiry into possible evidence-tampering in the case-- and oh no this could go very very badly. Ugh my baby I am so worried for you

Blah blah Shepherd has tracked the guy with all the toxic stuff and killed him, and now has all the goods (or should I say 'bads', heh) on a boat, headed for NYC. Whatever, lady. The team will stop you.

Aw Reade is having a session with Dr Sun. I still really, really don't like that the person now hearing all their most intimate confessions is someone brought on board by Nas. I also can't forget how she treated Roman like a monster, and incorrectly diagnosed him with a really significant disorder. I just don't think this team should be trusting any shrink that has any connection to government agencies rn. I do like how they're sitting in chairs side by side though, so he doesn't feel suffocated or trapped. And ugh he says that using is gun is triggering (heh) his flashbacks, and Dr Sun suggests he maybe separate himself from his triggers... which would mean leaving the team. As much as I love Weller and his Angels, I really do want Reade to come back eventually... I mean, Zapata would be so sad without him??

Speaking of our angelic team, they’re down in the lab, looking at the booty they just scored from the hackers. There's a loooootttt (maybe enough to drive a season three...??). Good thing it's in safe hands with these guys, who would never use it for evil. And then they find the !!Truman Protocol!! which is like the redactiest of redacted documents, but they can see that every POTUS since then (well, up to Clinton I) has signed it as well. Jane also spots a stamp with the letters COGS at the bottom, reminding them that Nas' source told her to follow the cogs. Ugh, my super smart baby girl, I'm so proud. And so somehow it all connects to Phase 2, but the question is how....

As any sensible person does in the face of such pressing matters, the team goes out for drinks. And ugh I just love Weller and his ladies having these little bonding moments away from the NYO, the four of them banding together because they are the only ones left fighting this war. Their ranks have been diminishing one by one, and they are the last ones standing, the handful of Spartans facing an entire army alone. Tbh though I really want to know which of them suggested the drinks; I'd like to think it was Weller, partly suggesting it to help morale but also partly so he might have a chance to talk privately with Jane with a little bit of liquid courage on board. And ugh he's so supportive now, reminding them all that they had a huge win today and now have a really significant new lead that will help them stop whatever Sandstorm is planning, and then ugh his savvy sister Zapata is like 'time for some Jeller alone time' and pulls Patterson away with her. Ugh, what a wingman. It's interesting bc we really don;t see thaaaaaat much direct Weller-Zapata interaction, but somehow I feel like-- of the pre-Jane team, I mean-- they are the most similar to one another and have a super good understanding of each other? He seems to act like the older sibling towards both Reade and Patterson, but with him and Zapata, they're more on a level? He still gives the orders but she subtly gives him crap about it and isn't shy to disagree with him if she thinks he's wrong. Like they'll never be tight like she and Reade are, but I definitely think they've got a really cool connection. But ANYWAY, the Wingman has departed with the Cockblock and this means-- as Weller ensures by literally looking over his shoulder, omg-- that Jeller have a rare moment of privacy. Jane's just happy chilling there with him; she has no expectations or anything, she's just so content to be sharing this kind of bonding moment with the others and to get to sit next to Weller and listen to him talk and catch the occasional hint of his cologne and just feel safe and wanted and included ugh. But Weller's been dying to have this talk since the polygraph because he needs to correct this belief she has that he's only working with her because he's forced to. He literally loves working with her, and that was part of what made her betrayal and subsequent absence so hard (and what made him so grumpy when she came back)-- because not only had he 'lost' the woman he was in love with, but he also lost the best partner-- yes, partner-- he'd ever had. She made him better, in every way, and for a while he lost that, and without it he spiraled. He was irresponsible in his personal life and barely holding it together in his professional one. So to hear, today, that she thinks he doesn't want to be working with her, doesn't want her around... he couldn't let her go on believing that. And ugh his voice is so cute when he tells her that he was never forced, and she teasingly calls him out on it a little bit, reminding him of when he'd refused to let her out in the field, etc. There's no malice to it though, her casualness showing that she understands he's moved on from that steadfast rejection of her, and his joking response of 'doesn't sound like me' is a way of acknowledging her point, but also subtly communicating that he in the here-and-now isn't the same/doesn't hold the same views as he did then. She smiles at that, then reassures him anyway, telling him that she actually meant they were 'forced' together initially by Shepherd's design and now in the mutual drive to take Shepherd down. And then he basically tells her he's completely okay with that, because though their enemy started them on this, it has enabled the to save a lot of people, to do true good.

AND THEN, he says 'and...' and takes this deep breath and shifts to face her, clearly working himself up to say more, and Jane is all "what?" because she's felt the change in the air between them; this wasn't just one of those patented Weller Reassurances where he bolsters the morale of his team. That was the lead-in to something else, something he's about to tell her, and she stares at him as he stares right back and tells her that all of it led him to her. And she smiles a little and looks away, not exactly knowing how to respond because she doesn't know where this is going, and it's kind of like when someone pays you an unexpected compliment and your body doesn't know how to react because your mind is instantly scrambling, and ugh she clearly expects him to kind of just stop there, or change the subject or something,,, and it's only when she looks back up him and he's still looking at her so intently and adds 'and you to me' that her face softens, filled with such looooongingggg and her breath escapes like a tiny little sigh and ugh there's such emotion in her eyes and then he shifts his arm and idc that it's out of shot, I am certain he is now lightly grasping her elbow, and he tells her that the two of them coming together is something he would never-- he literally emphasises the never-- want to undo. Which means that having her in his life is worth more to him than the ability to erase every bad thing that has happened since her appearance in Times Square. And ughhhhh there are tears forming in her eyes and there's a tiny shudder in her breathing because oh god this is everything she's ever wanted, to have his forgiveness and his love and have a chance for the two of them to start over, because she loves him, never stopped loving him even when she hated him, and so right now she can hardly believe this is real and ugh the way she looks down for a moment like she's drawing on the courage to believe in it and go with it, not even realising she's already subconsciously leaning toward him just a teeensy bit even before she looks up (because her body is already a step ahead of her poor overwhelmed mind and heart) and then she looks up and sees him also leaning in just a fraction, eyes still on hers, no mistaking his intent but also ready to pull away if she indicates this isn't what she wants, but ugh then her eyes meet his and she leans a little closer and it's like that tiny movement tipped them over the edge, and then he's slowly closing the gap and she tilts her head and they hold eye contact until the last moment and her eyes have just fluttered shut, scarcely half an inch of space separating their lips, literally no possible doubt remaining that both of them don’t desperately want this-- when Patterson calls out, and I love that while Jane pulls back like a startled deer (or rather, doe), Weller literally does not move. He's probably just too busy thinking 'I'm gonna kill you, Patterson' but I'd like to think it's also bc he's not afraid or embarrassed to get caught. Literally everyone else in the team already knows he's in love with Jane anyway (and actively ships it) so what's the point in trying to hide it? I love the fact that Jane glances back up at him and gives him that small smile before pulling away, and he just grins at her like 'so close...' while she scrunches her nose and mutters 'yeah'. They are very much on the same page when it comes to their exasperation with interruptions haha. And then ugh they're so cute as Patterson arrives, both straightening in their seats and Jane clearing her throat while Weller pretends his dumb grin is about the drinks and not the almost-moment he and Jane just had (because oh my god she was going to kiss him back) and then Zapata rejoins the table with a grin that says she knows very well what just got interrupted (while Patterson remains oblivious, clearly having been focusing on her footing rather than what was happening at the table as she approached), and as the conversation resumes, Jane looks back at Weller with this shy but elated little smile because oh my god he was going to kiss her. And okay maybe it didn't actually ~happen~ but it was literally so close to happening that it had the same end result anyway, which is that they each know now that THEY BOTH WANT TO DO THE KISSING WITH EACH OTHER. LONG-TERM AND EXCLUSIVELY. Someone help me I’m dying over this aaaaahhhhhh

Okay so I literally couldn't care less about Shepherd's scenes (except about the fact that they cut short the screen time of characters I actually like) but damn this overhead boat shot is actually pretty gorgeous. Nice one, team. And then she's all 'shiiit the FBI has the Truman Protocol' and we see the Green team with Parker and ooooh I wonder if they recognised Weller and Jane at the hunt?? Did they know she was the prodigal daughter and he was the golden boy? And yaaaass I love seeing Shepherd’s day get ruined. But then woah lady, no need to put a hit out on Weller because of it??? I agree with that slimy Parker, I thought he was vital to everything??? What the hell is Phase 2????

Lol the guy checking Zapata out as she walks along the street. Same, bro. And then oh crap, flashy lights and sirens and "That's her" and on one hand I love that they've got literally four cops there just to take her in-- frightened, were we, boys?-- but on the other hand I'm like nooooo don't you dare arrest my baby she's done nothing wrongggggggg (lately) ughhhhh

Aaand okay there’s one down, time for 2x20 lol