#bc Will has access to everything in the FBI

[psychoticwillgraham]

it's a gloomy, rainy, storming evening which means it's the perfect time to work on the repo the genetic opera hannigram au

[takiki16]

I see your "handcuffed together episode wouldn't work bc Neal would pick the locks" and I raise you "Neal refuses to pick the locks for petty reasons, aka Peter made him swear an oath to "not act like a criminal for 24 hours" and Neal is miffed at him about it"

YES. YES. THIS.

The episode opens with Peter and Neal walking to work, arguing about [Trust Issue] and [Crimes]. Peter says that it’s an indication of Neal’s lack of control, and that Neal can’t go 24 hours without Doing Crime. Neal roundly denies any alleged criminal behavior, but takes offense at the implication that crime is a Lower Impulse that drags him down rather than a Game of Skill. The argument goes on in typical fashion until finally, Peter and Neal make a bet. If Neal can go for 24 hours without doing Criminal Acts, Peter will…I DON’T KNOW! Go to a fancy art event with him? Let him see one of his old case files? Never bring deviled ham to a sedan stakeout again?

They then go undercover together to meet some kind of fence of Rare Items and Unusual Weapons - a lower level player, but a necessary step to that episode’s big bad. The fence has a Weird Storefront! They make a break for it through the back! There is a comical fight inside a very small closet full of Fun Kinky Novelty Items that somehow drags all three of them into it, and the fence gets away but Neal and Peter end up handcuffed together!

Peter demands that Neal pick the lock, after a solid hour of searching through the wreckage of Fun Kinky Novelty Items for the key - which of COURSE couldn’t just be a standard issue cuff set! This stopped being fun nyfor Neal after the first fifteen minutes of being yanked around through Fun Kinky Novelty Items, and he says with complete Righteous Indignation that he swore not to do crime! For 24 hours! Wasn’t Peter’s whole ISSUE that Neal is too immature and criminal to control his Crime Impulses?! This results in a solid hour of comedic arguing, after which one of them has the horrifying realization that they need to go to the bathroom.

After a truly awkward interval and a gentleman’s agreement never to speak of what just occurred again, Peter now has to decide what to do since lockpicking is off the table. The office is just a recipe for disaster, and Neal would get to see everything he did at his desk. Peter decides to go with the lesser of all evils and go home. El will laugh, but at least it would be more comfortable to wait out the 24 hours there.

El laughs until she cries. Somehow, so does Satchmo. Neal decides that the situation is funny again. Peter does not.

After an hour or two, the three of them have exhausted every possible talking avenue of (1) the handcuff situation and (2) the case without taking more concrete action. Peter is unwilling to do more than call agents over the phone, which only goes so far, and he flatly refuses to access an FBI laptop or a personal computer when Neal is right there collecting passwords. Peter tries to get El to be his proxy, at least as far as the personal computer, but by now Neal has told her about the wager and El says it wouldn’t be fair to give Peter a leg up. Peter is indignant, and tries to apply spousal privilege. This results in more comedic arguing.

By early afternoon, everyone except El (who could at any time leave but has called in sick for the express purpose of enjoying the situation) is stir crazy. Peter tries to break out of the handcuffs himself - first with tools (all loaned to Chad next door) and then by just pulling (which El and Neal both veto with prejudice). After the hammer Peter keeps in the junk drawer fails to have any effect (Neal dramatically flinches and whines about never playing the violin again), Peter gets desperate enough to try and pick the lock HIMSELF. For the joy of seeing this great thing, El and Neal agree that she can access their personal computer for YouTube tutorials, if any exist for these specific weird handcuffs. Neal has MANY, many comments about Peter Giving In to CRIMINAL IMPULSES, but after a vein starts twitching in Peter’s forehead El rules that Neal has to limit his heckling if she’s going to continue providing YouTube tutorials. Fun comedic interlude once again, as Peter tries and fails to pick the handcuffs.

It is now early evening, and dinner time. Thankfully Neal is ambidextrous, so eating isn’t an issue, but the questions of Shower and Bed are now looming in everyone’s mind. There is less comedy now, bc it’s been a long day and also because Neal genuinely respects Peter and Elizabeth’s marriage. Coming into their bed when he isn’t wanted touches on a lot of tender issues for him. Peter wearily says he and Neal will take the guest room, but rounds off with a snarky comment about how Mister Criminal over here isn’t willing to get over himself. Neal snaps - does Peter understand what ACTUALLY bothered Neal so much about the first argument, the reason behind the bet? Or has the whole day been lost on him? There follows a conversation in which El insists that everyone listen to each other, Peter does some introspecting on condescending comments to Neal, and Neal acknowledges that he can be impulsive and Take The Bit too far. Satisfactory emotional arc work is done, and Neal agrees to pick the cuffs.

It’s dark now, and the light in the Burke’s home at night is always warm. Neal is picking the lock, brow furrowed in concentration, and Peter asks him what about the bet. Isn’t Neal giving up his great favor? Freedom from deviled ham? A trip to the museum, outside his radius? Access to a fond memory?

Neal looks at Peter, and looks at El, sitting beside them in the warm light, and he says he will call the bet off if he gets a kiss right now.

From which one of us, says Peter, barely breathing.

Either one. Both. Just once. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Except it does. It does, it does, it does.

Neal gets one kiss from each of them, on the lips. First kisses, tender and slow and sweet, and when it’s done they all three sit together in the warm night, looking at each other as the beginning of a new thing thrums between them.

The lock clicks open loudly, and the moment is broken but the new thing is not. Peter inhales sharply and leans backwards, Neal stays frozen in place with the skill of long practice, but Elizabeth doesn’t flinch. What breaks the moment is Peter clearing his throat and asking in a shaking voice what was the sound that lock just made. Neal takes a quick breath and says oh, it’s a sound that such and such type locks make, they’re really unusual actually, only a certain kind of company from Such and Such makes them. This makes the episode plot penny drop in Peter’s head, because of course company from Such and Such has an obscure tie to So and So, which is the key to finding their lost fence and bringing down the villain of the week.

When it’s all over, Neal turns up at the Burkes’ house again, a hesitant look on his face. In his hands are the handcuffs, still open. And of course, they invite him in.

[asterekmess]

i saw your tags on that cop character post and like I totally agree like how am I supposed to believe Stiles who spent most of the show skirting the law or outright breaking it suddenly becomes mr goody too shoes fbi???? Like everything in the show happened bc he went looking for a dead body

Honestly, the only reason I can remotely understand him doing it is if he was literally trying to sneak into government databases. Like, his dad broke SO MANY LAWS as a sheriff, so many times. Stiles himself does not believe remotely in the sanctity of law or government (and he's right not to, considering his situation). So like, I *could* technically believe him joining the FBI. But only if his goal is entirely to get access to their databases and resources and to liberally abuse any and all perks and abilities that it would give him, in order to further the protection of the people he cares about. And also a lil bit to spite them because the politics and beurocratic bullshit behind law enforcement has done nothing but screw with his life, including before the SPN. SPending years worried his dad was going to lose his job just for not arresting someone fast enough has got to have made him HATE the entire concept of the job. Like, I love the sheriff. I love him in spite of his job, honestly. I believe he's a good man and at the same time I believe all cops are bastards, and because this is a fictional world, I FIRMLY believe that he is a shining *FICTIONAL* example of 'not all cops are bad cops'. But only because of how fucking desperate everyone is to get him fired. Like, if there was ANYTHING that would make me think this man was a "Good" cop, it would be the number of times everyone in his field has tried to kick him out, while the people he actually protects like having him there (aside from jackson's dad, who like, did not have all the facts). It's like people say, there are no good cops because the good cops don't get to stay cops. They get fired. They get transferred. They get Removed, because if they're good then they're going to cause problems for the not-good ones. And Sheriff Stilinski REALLY gives me that vibe. He ends up in a weirdly powerful position, and he uses and abuses it to do what is actually right, even when it doesn't provide timely arrests or satisfying answers for his bosses. And the FBI fucking hates him and they all make claims about how he's not good at his job, he can't close a case, whatever. They want him out. I won't deny that he as a character is absolutely cop propaganda and that there are PROBLEMS with how he abuses his power from a purely 'real' stance. But in the fictional world they live in, he as a *person* I think is awesome. And i headcanon heavily that he does not actually fucking like his job. He doesn't have the job because he even 'believes' in it. he has it for the same reason stiles would join the FBI. Because he's going to use it as a tool to get done what needs done. I the argents can infiltrate the school system and the law enforcement and everything else, then stiles can infiltrate the fbi, and the sheriff can have taught his son to do it by infiltrating their own precinct YEARS ago.

I'm absolutely rambling and off my rocker at the moment, but yeah. ACAB. Also we love the sheriff in this house. The wonders of this being a fictional world we're talkin about. *dreamy sigh*

[ashtraythief]

So, firstly, I just have to say, I mcfreaking LOVE your work. The Underneath series? Mwuah, chef’s kiss, changed my brain chemistry. I will forever be inspired by and cherish your work. Perhaps I can’t properly express my appreciation for your writing and the characterizations and world-building you’ve done, but please know that I appreciate your work dearly and it never fails to inspire me to write better every time that I read something of yours.

That being said, I was re-reading the Underneath series, yes? And I’m on the second chapter of Pressure Point where Busy tells Jared that Alona was the one to reach out to her. And I realized something. Although you’ve never touched upon it explicitly in your fics from what I can remember, I realized that, just like the other agents that aren’t on a case, her information is accessible on the FBI’s database, something of which we know Jared has access to. We also know that Alona is Jensen’s make-believe sister. In True Lies Jared mentions that Jensen had once told him that he and his sister look similar. What if Jared wants a photo of her? Or even just wants to know concretely how she looks like? I can’t remember if Jensen had actually ever shown Jared a photo of her — being that he was extremely protective of her because as we know he can’t let Jared get any sort of close to Jensen’s real identity which includes Alona in herself — but if he hasn’t yet, it makes me wonder (and scared!) how that might bring upon the beginning of the end for them. Because then Jared would be able to connect the dots. “Your sister looks like Special Agent Alona Tal? Your sister IS Special Agent Alona Tal???” And see the thing is, even Jensen doesn’t know that it was Alona that approached Busy. He just knows it was Morgan who set everything up. So he wouldn’t know showing Jared a picture of his “sister” is a deadly mistake.

Of course I’m not actually sure if Alona’s information is even on the database or if Jensen would ever show Jared a picture of his “sister,” but it was a possibility I realized while re-reading Pressure Point and rediscovering that it was Alona that approached Busy, not Morgan or one of the other agents.

Truthfully I’m scared of the possibility because obviously I love the boys and want them to live a happily ever after together! But I suppose I had to share my horrified thoughts with you and get some insight on this possibility.

Thank you again for all the work you do! I’ve gained so much from you allowing us to read your creations and I’m all the better for it. Keep doing what your doing and be proud of the work you are doing!

- An avid fan <3

Omg *flails wildly* nonnie, thank you so so much for your kind words, I'm kind of speechless. Obviously it means a lot to me when people enjoy my writing but knowing that it inspired someone is insane? And lovely? It's all the things and I have all the feelings now, and I can express them properly like the good writer I am lol.

As for your question, omg, that is a deep dive. And I get the anxiety, but I think the simple answer is that Jensen will never allow them to meet and never plans to show Jared a picture. Mostly it's because Jensen never thought the charade would go that far. I think Jensen never expected to be with Jared for years and that Jared wanting to see/meet his sister would eventually become a real problem. It could be now, but I think the longer Jensen is with Jared, the less he pretends to be in contact with his sister and as someone who doesn't have a lot of contact with his own family, I don't think that Jared finds it very strange. Esp bc Jensen's reasons for keeping her away from all the crime stuff are solid. So I think Alona/Jensen's sister aren't a problem. Jensen has other problems and liabilities that might be much more dangerous in the future 😅

And I can only return your sentiment, nonnie. My life has become so much better since I've started writing and sharing my stories. Sometimes knowing that people enjoy my fics so much they take the time to send me tumblr messages still feels absolutely batshit. In the best possible way. And while I am proud of (most lol) of my writing, l am most proud that I can write something that brings other people joy.

Thank you so so much 💙

[controlledchaosetc]

ok but that's just completely false. you realize that's not why, right?

Let me start off by saying: THIS IS NOT ME SUPPORTING WHAT THEY ARE DOING. THIS IS NOT ME SUPPORTING TIKTOK EITHER. THIS IS NOT ME SUPPORTING THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT. THIS IS NOT ME SUPPORTING ISRAEL OR BEING ANTI-PALESTINE. I fully fucking understand the nuance, and I don't want to be misconstrued right out of the gate.

With that out of the way, this has EVERYTHING to do with a fear of China and the Chinese government, and leaning more towards sinophobia than ANYTHING to do with Palestine.

Tiktok is owned by ByteDance, which is a primarily Chinese company. This is the first time any sort of Chinese app (or any international app for that matter) has truly gained such a HUGE foothold in the US. Over 100 million people use Tiktok in the US alone, which is big big numbers for a tech product from a country that whose previous largest social media tech products were specifically for their own national market (due to needing to split national and international products into 2 to comply with government censorship laws, and most international products not getting near the level of success Tiktok is enjoying. I'm also not mentioning Tencent and their gaming stakes here, talking solely about social media platforms). Now, the Chinese government has a small share of ByteDance (they DO NOT OWN IT TO BE CLEAR), and it is centered in Beijing. Because a Chinese company is collecting vast amounts of user data (to be clear again, every social media company does this), this is what has gotten US lawmakers worried that a perceived enemy has data and some level of influence on the American people.

This is possible, but let's be clear how fucking crazy it is that they're targeting Tiktok before dealing with, ya know, the homegrown companies that have provably shaped our elections and rage-fueled algorithmic pushes helped radicalize people for Q-Anon. It's only been US companies collecting international data, but now that it's China, everyone's clutching their goddamn pearls.

The widespread collection of personal data and ability to influence people is BAD, but it's not because it's China doing it, it's BAD IN GENERAL.

What the bill, called "Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications" (which lol lmao), does is this, according to NBC News (bc I can't do a better job saying it than what they said):

The bill, dubbed the Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications Act, would create a process for the president — through the FBI and intelligence agencies — to identify certain social media applications under the control of foreign adversaries, like China, Russia, Iran and North Korea, as national security threats. Once an app was deemed a risk, it would be banned from online app stores and web-hosting services unless it severed ties with entities under control of the foreign adversary within 180 days of the designation.

Basically, if the bill passes, Tiktok will be deemed a "national security risk", and be forced to be sold (probably to an American company) or be banned from access. This is SOLELY targeting Tiktok, hence the label of it being a Tiktok ban, but important to highlight what it does outside of that.

WHAT IT DOESN'T DO IS WHAT THE MEME SAYS. It may be from the previous time this happened, but that's not what's happening this time.

Now, ByteDance doesn't fucking want this to happen because it's their crown jewel. The Chinese government doesn't want this to happen because Tiktok has made ByteDance one of the largest companies for China economically. All in all, they aren't going to fucking sell.

TL;DR: The US government is passing a law to effectively ban Tiktok unless ByteDance, it's parent company, sells it. This is because of worries that China will somehow influence the American people, which, while theoretically possible, is functionally similar to what American social media companies already do in some capacity, and based on a lot of fearmongering because oooooo China's spooky and scaryyyyy. It does NOT DO WHAT THE MEME SAYS. It has NOTHING TO DO WITH PALESTINE.

If I need to elaborate on anything, I will. There's a fuck-ton of nuance to have with all of this, and it's hard to give that in just this post. But goddamn don't spread blatant misinformation.

With all that being said: Free Palestine.

[idealisticrealism]

Hey Anon! Thank you for the ask! :D Just in case, I'm going to put it under a cut because it contains a slight spoiler and I don't want anyone to see it who might not want to.

(Also heads up, I'm actually staying spoiler-free too– but it's totally okay bc you didn't know that and it's only a minor spoiler anyway, so I'm not bothered at all)

Well, this info certainly puts an interesting spin on things! I definitely don't think these events will make Arman and Nadia closer though– as in, I'll honestly be surprised if they haven't officially broken up for good by the end of 2x09 (please, writers, please lol)

However, I could see them getting closer again in the sense that the argument about the marriage certificate– and how Arman used her to get access to the office– might lead to Arman revealing that RK forced him to kill an FBI informant, and that revelation might just be enough to shock Nadia out of her fury towards him and realise that he's been in a much worse situation than she thought/has had no choice but to resort to extreme measures to get free of RK. She'll most likely be angry and hurt that he didn't trust her enough to just tell her the truth earlier, but still, she may then be able to forgive him enough to put everything else aside and instead help him to take RK down.

Also, what if RK had told her that the marriage was annulled, but she finds out that he never did it (or faked the paperwork) so technically they're still married? She would be pissed, and even more determined to help them make him pay. (Not to mention it would technically render her and Arman's marriage null and void, which would be great news for both him and us haha).

But anyways, the TL;DR is that I am not at all worried about Arman and Nadia's 'reconciliation', and while I certainly don't think we're in for any Armony fluff any time soon (sorry Anon; the current situation is just too intense for that lol), I do think that some absolutely incredible Armony moments are coming our way very soon.

[akvtsuki-ari]

Sweetheart (Ch.1)

Warnings: Mentions of BDSM and bunch of other kinks but nothing sexual in this chapter lol. Sub!Spencer and Femdom!Reader 

Length: 5.3k 

Authors Note: this is hands down the most self-indulgent shit ive ever wrote but do i care? the answer is no dsjk  but this that series i had planned where the reader introduces spencer to proper BDSM and all that. hoping to make this fic kinda informative also lol. also im uploading this fic on ao3 as well. also no tags for this fic bc its really specific and ill probably be writing for it for a while! sorry about that

Plot Summary: Spencer Reid just wanted to be.., well, you know. He doesn’t expect to find much when he signs up for a BDSM dating website but somehow he manages you and he couldn’t be more delighted

Spencer Reid was certainly a lot of things. He was a lover of the arts, someone who had a particular affinity for 15th-century literature, a magician at best, a theater nerd at worst, and a teacher when life called for it. He loves the world even when it's really dark and he loves sleeping in even more. He loves his friends and they love him too - even when they pretend that his random facts annoy them. Spencer Reid was a friend, an FBI agent, a genius with an IQ of 187, and a son to a mother he loves wholly. He was a lot of things and for the most part - he knew a lot about what he really loved to do. He supposed that it's been like that his whole life.

It's not everyday that he discovers something new about himself. About everything else? Always. He loves to learn, but about himself? There's never all that much on the frontier.

It's hard to say, because of that, when Spencer discovered he was a sub. It's difficult to pinpoint a specific time and place, or even how the pieces got put together. He just remembers how it felt when it hit him, like a freight train going 100 miles an hour into a concrete wall. Or a plane crashing onto an island. Or like a fly hitting the glass panes of a delivery truck. He remembers the feeling when he was deftly reminded of this fact. Spencer Reid was a sub - through and through and he wasn't really sure what to make of it.

Surprisingly to most of his direct peers, Spencer wasn't a virgin. He'd had sex with 2 people who he'd been kinda friends with at some point, but it always got a little weird after that. The second time though, the girl ended up choking him a little bit when she got off and Spencer thought he had died. Not in a bad way, more in a "I'm so turned on by this I feel like I've genuinely gone to heaven," sort of way. He didn't think it was possible for a sexual encounter to make him feel like that but it did. It didn't stop after that either, which was the most agitating part. 

Spencer doesn't consider himself a sexual person. Sex is about intimacy and companionship, and hopefully love when he finds that someday. Sex isn't necessarily about pleasure but that wasn't an easy lesson to learn.

Spencer just wanted to understand - so like any great genius he participated in thought experiments. It's normally a female superhero/supervillain that crosses his mind (he has an affinity for Poison Ivy), and he just kinda imagines what it would be like if they did what she did. The choking turned him on, but it wasn't enough. Through that, he figures out that he had more than a choking kink and that he was more than a little interested in a partner having complete access to him. He thought about it for weeks and the getting off was working for him but he couldn't get the fantasy out of his head. He wanted more - he wanted someone to fulfill his wishes.

It was too much for him to ignore. Those months of being able to hold off through masturbating are over and he's just sorta itching. Aching to act on those impulses with another person who can give him what he needs, and he doesn't want it to be transactional. Maybe it's too ideal to want a partner out of such an endeavor but was it so wrong? To want real affection and romance from someone who could also overpower him wasn't a crime and he'd be damned if he pretended to want any less. Spencer was just searching, even if it was rather desperately. 

So, when Spencer finds himself on a BDSM dating site and he feels like his life is in shambles, he can only blame himself. It's not something he'd normally do but he's getting a little more than relentless about it but he also just wants to see what's out there. He's so out of it was it happens, it felt like he was being possessed as he made a fake email and wrote out his account information. Definitely blaming it on possession, he thinks. 

It's too late to go back, as he scrolls through tons of profiles of rather intense looking people. He's not surprised, this is where people go to express themselves. They're entitled to that, it just sucks since he's just not ready for such levels of intensity. He wonders if he's in too deep yet, but he figures he'd hit that mark a long time ago and keeps scrolling through profiles. There wasn't much to go off of, many people not choosing to use photos for the sake of anonymity, which was good for Spencer. He clicks onto his own profile, reading his own bio carefully.

USERNAME: DOC187 

SUB/ SWITCH / DOM 

M / F / O

FETISHES: N/A

BIO: Interest in a dominant female companion. Completely inexperienced.

Spencer feels ridiculous, but he doubts anyone would even message him. He doesn't have much on his profile and he keeps things short for that purpose. He wanted to stay as low to the ground as possible - more curious to explore what was going in the world than to find anything legitimate. He scrolls through hundreds of profiles, mostly of people who were BDSM vets looking for new connections or fun. Some people catch his eye but they don't match his interests so he doesn't bother.

Except, one profile. The bio was beyond interesting to Spencer.

USERNAME: MISS—LILAC

SUB / SWITCH / DOM 

M / F / O 

FETISHES: Sadomasochist, Degradation, Humiliation, Pegging, Overstimulation, Edging, Crossdressing, Exhibitionism, Mutual Masturbation, Dacryphilia, Shibari/Gags/Bondage, Wax Play, Impact Play, Breath Play, General Sensation Play, Discipline, Collaring, Begging. Willing to try most things. 

BIO: Interested in submissive males of any experience level. Helps if you're interesting and like to read and watch indie films. Looking for genuine connection and plenty of good banter. Curly hair is nice too. lol.

Before Spencer can think about it for too long his mouse clicks over that stupid little message button next to your profile. Spencer shakes his head at his own existence as he types you a message. Says you're online right now, but Spencer's sure he won't get a response for a while.

DOC187: Seems I fit who you're interested in. I even have the curly hair.

Spencer chews on his nails anxiously before he sighs at himself. He has no clue what's gotten into him belle before he can think he sees your 3-dotted bubble pop up. He feels his body wracked with nerves.

MISS—LILAC: I'm guessing you like to read and watch indie films too?

Spencer smiles. You seem interesting and the fact that the two of you were just talking normal was making Spencer happy.

DOC187: Indeed. I'm a sucker for 15-century literature and anything in Russian and foreign language. You?

MISS—LILAC: 15th century huh? I'll assume Chaucer. And Russian? You're interesting, doc. I'm more modern and English, hope you're not deterred.

Spencer smiles, surprised that you recognize an author as niche as Chaucer. He shakes his head at your commentary. He almost forgets that both of you are on a BDSM dating site and the irony doesn't escape him.

DOC187: Deterred? Never. I think you're rather interesting too, Miss Lilac.

MISS—LILAC: Ever the gentleman doc. I'm hoping you won't run away if I ask you more personal questions.

Spencer swallows. He types back quickly.

DOC187: What kinds of questions?

MISS—LILAC: If it's okay, you're real name and what you do. My names Y/N, and I'm a florist. I live in DC and I love romance novels.

Spencer smiles. He appreciates you laying down the path for him, knowing the stakes.

DOC187: My names Spencer and I work for the FBI. I also live in DC, and I love magic.

MISS—LILAC: Magic? I'd love for you to show me sometime.

Spencer swallows. Part of him feels like it's a stupid idea to ask you out so early but if you asked, he'd likely say yes. He decides to wait it out.

DOC187: I'd be more than happy to show you.

MISS—LILAC: I suppose you could send me a video but that's not the same as seeing the magic in real life, now is it?

Spencer is smiling like an idiot at this point. He shakes his head a little, jittery.

DOC187: Infinitely better live, I would say.

MISS—LILAC: Seems like I've found an excuse to ask you on a date then. Saturday's work for me but I'm sure it depends on you, FBI man. Before that, I'm gonna drop my number and I'll be expecting your call. (XXX-XXX-XXXX)

Spencer giggles. It's a little out of range for things he's used to doing, giggling aloud for someone else is certainly new. Spencer picks up his phone and dials away, anxious to call you but excited nonetheless. He heard you pick up the phone and his heart catches in his throat.

"Hello?," Your voice is smooth, and a little bit lower than he was expecting. It sounds pretty.

"Hello, Y/N," Spencer says back. He heard you laugh on the other side and can't help the way his heart flutters.

"Lovely to talk to you doc,"

"Still Doc? Not Spencer?" Spencer questions. You smile on the other side of the line.

"Doc seems to fit you. But, for the sake of formality, hello Spencer,"

"I like Doc too, but it feels like I should have a nickname for you as well. Only seems fair," Spencer says laughing quietly.

"If it's your prerogative you can call me Miss Lilac, or just Miss but..." you trail off for a minute. Spencer squints.

"Miss is a title, you know? Doesn't seem fair for you to call me that when I haven't earned it from you yet. I'm sure we'll get there but for now you can just call me Y/N," you say softly. Spencer blushes bright red, his voice betraying him as he speaks.

"O-Oh, well um - where does the name Lilac come from? Normally people go with their names when it comes to stuff like that," Spencer says shyly. He heard you laugh on the other side of the phone and blushes again, grateful you can't see him.

"I love the language of flowers and flowers themselves. It's a way to speak that not many people know - but I like the meaning and look of lilacs. White lilacs represent purity, so that was a bit of irony, but light purple lilacs mean first love," you say carefully.

"First love?," Spencer asks. You bite your lip for a moment.

"I joke that BDSM is my first love since it's such a big part of my life. Not as big as some but not small for certain. It gave me much needed confidence so I joke that it was my first," You say lightly. You hear Spencer giggle on the other side and you smile.

"What about your username? Any significance to DOC187 that I should know of?," you readjust your seat on your couch as you talk. Spencer grows a bit embarrassed.

"I normally introduce myself as Doctor Spencer Reid for work, not a medical doctor but I have three PhD's," Spencer admits. You raise your brows but hear the hesitation in his voice.

"Very, very impressive doc. What about the 187? It could be a plain ol' number but my guess would be otherwise,"

"That's my IQ, actually. I don't think intelligence can be boiled down and quantified like that but I couldn't think of anything else," Spencer explains.

"So you're a certified genius with 3 PhD's? To say I'm impressed is an understatement. Anything else impressive you'd like to tell me before I totally pick your brains," you say a little shocked.

"You wanna pick my brains?," Spencer asks. You wanna laugh at the irony of such a silly question from such an intelligent man but you refrain.

"Who wouldn't?," you say incredulously. Spencer smiles shyly.

"The only other thing is that I can read 20,000 words per minute," Spencer says trying to deflect. Your jaw dropped before but it manages to unhinge a little further.

"There's a lot to get to know about you Doctor Reid,"

"I'm sure it's the same for you," Spencer replies.

"Guess we'll have to find out won't we?," you say smiling.

Damn, Spencer got lucky. Hopefully he'd get to find out soon

_____

"Reid, are you listening?," Derek's voice snaps Spencer out of his entranced state. His smiling expression snaps up to look at Derek who looks a little exasperated.

"Sorry, what was that?," Spencer asks back. Derek puts down the case file they were working on. They had just finished a case and needed to complete some paperwork before submitting it for review and to be used in court. The job was given to him and Morgan and Spencer was evidently distracted.

"Alright, kid - what is up with you? All case you've been checking your phone non-stop and spacing out, all smiles and giggles. C'mon now kid, seriously. You got a little lady at home waiting for you or is there something else I don't know about?," Derek interrogates. Spencer doesn't really know what to make of it, though it's not really in his interest to hide you, it hasn't really come up with anyone on the team yet so it was proving difficult to decide what to do. The smile on his face manages to appear again as he starts to think about you, the tips of his ears red.

"Reid," Morgan says again, with a small look of irritation.

"Her names Y/N," Spencer blurts out faster than he can't think. Derek gives him a huge grin, holding his hand out to dap Spencer up. Spencer just looks at it confused for a second before getting the memo.

"'My man," Derek says chuckling. Before Spencer can continue Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia walk in. Hotch is the only one missing, and Spencer's a little grateful.

"What are we celebrating in here you guys?," Prentiss asks first. Spencer goes to say something to move away from his sudden confession but Derek is quick to cut him off.

"Our boy genius over here got him a little lady," Derek announces. The whole team erupts in questions and Spencer wants to bury himself.

"Congratulations, Spencer!! How long have you two been dating?," Prentiss asks.

"You guys are so dramatic. It's only been two months but no first date because well..." Spencer trails off. JJ just nods her head.

"Duty calls, I'm guessing" JJ finishes. Spencer nods deflated hearing Emily draw a breath between her teeth.

"That's tough, Spence,"

Just as Spencer goes to give a response back he gets a text from you that makes his day a little better. It's a selfie of you at work, a picture your employee must've taken of you in a room full of new flower deliveries. You're giving Spencer a toothy grin as you hold a bunch of gardenias in your hand.

Y/N 🌸: *image attachment* 

Gardenias// You're lovely + Secret Love <33

Spencer cannot control the way his whole face bunches up in a smile, as if there's no one else in the room with him. Everyone just looks at him surprised, Garcia giving him a side-eye.

"How can you guys trust this stranger? We don't even know who she is! I haven't even run any background checks on her," Garcia complains. Prentiss nudges her side.

"I don't know if it matters - look at how hard he's smiling over there," Prentiss says. Garcia reluctantly looks and can't help but sigh.

"Okay well he seems really happy but still! We don't even know her," she pouts.

"I'm sure we'll meet her soon," JJ snickers at Spencer's lovestruck expression. Derek leans over Spencer's shoulder and raises his brows.

"Is that her, kid?," Derek asks. Spencer nods, simply staring at the picture you sent. Derek whistles when he sees you - you're genuinely stunning and he's surprised to say the least.

"Hot mama, pretty boy - how'd you manage that?," Derek asks, dumbfounded. Emily rolls her eyes.

"C'mon Derek, I'm sure - oh wow," Emily leans over Spencer's shoulder to see you and is met with the same reaction. JJ and Garcia are quick to follow thereafter, both looking equally as surprised.

"She's..." JJ trails off. The rest of the team just nods as Spencer grins ear to ear.

Spencer 🐻: Beautiful, as always.

Spencer ignores the rest of the team as they look at each other in disbelief.

Y/N🌸: Me or the flowers, Doc?

Spencer🐻: Both, but mostly you.

"Wow, Spencer you're really -" Prentiss starts

"You're whipped, kid. I mean seriously whipped," Derek finishes, nodding in agreement. JJ can't help but smile, giving Spencer a small pat on the back.

"She seems lovely, Spencer. How'd you two meet?," JJ says. Garcia stands around looking rather suspicious. A blush creeps onto Spencer's neck as he's reminded of how you two met.

"Online," Spencer says shortly. No one decides to question it, and Spencer thanks every god he can think of.

"Have you two FaceTimed yet? How can we know she's not, I don't know - catfishing you? Or scamming you in some other cyber criminal way?," Garcia sounds distressed. Spencer gives a small smile.

"We fall asleep over FaceTime every night," Spencer admits. Penelope's expression falls, and Prentiss gives a smile.

"That is disgustingly cute," JJ says laughing.

"Okay, well - I'm still running a background check on her," Garcia says stubbornly "But, I'm happy for you,"

"Thanks Garcia," Spencer mumbles out as he texts you again.

Y/N🌸: I wanna see you, love

Spencer blushes red as he reads your message. The word love makes his whole face hot.

Spencer🐻: I can't take a selfie for my life

Y/N🌸: You're with your team aren't you? Get them to take a picture of you.

Spencer wants to fold away, not ever really being the picture type, but how could he ever deny you.

Spencer🐻: How could I ever say no to you?

"Hey guys, can one of you take a picture of me for Y/N?" Spencer asks embarrassingly red. The whole team sends him a look of surprise.

"I'll take it Spence, try not to look as uncomfortable as you do right now," JJ says. The whole team refrains from laughing as Spencer gives an awkward smile. He thanks JJ who hands him back his phone before texting you again.

Spencer🐻: *image attachment* You owe me one

Y/N🌸: you're stunning as always. hadn't seen you in so long I almost forgot what you looked like.

Spencer🐻: stunnings an interesting choice of words.

Y/N🌸: I said what I said, doc. 

Spencer can't help but do a little giggle, that causes the whole team to give him a look. Morgan just shakes his head, shrugging. Emily, JJ, and Garcia just look at each other before the room draws into a subtle but comfortable silence as Spencer just smiles, totally unaware of how whipped he happened to look. He didn’t seem to mind either way. 

___

"How was work?," Spencer asks over the phone, kicking his shoes off as he looks into his fridge for something to eat. He hears you sigh on the other side of the line.

"Busy today - wedding season is coming up so tons of calls for centerpiece designs and costs. It's going well though, business couldn't be better," you say, clearly tired yet content. Spencer gives a small smile and feels relieved that things are going okay for you.

"That's really good. I'm glad you're feeling alright," Spencer replies. You ease into the couch as you talk to Spencer, relaxing by the second. 

"What about you, FBI man? You have an okay day?," Your voice is full of a gentle concern that Spencer appreciates.

"Yeah, just paperwork and JJ said that we shouldn't have any upcoming cases this week to be worried about so I have the weekend off," Spencer says without thought.

"Have any special plans for the weekend?," you say cheekily. Spencer, still not having caught on, shakes his head for a second.

"No, why?,"

"Hm... well - would you like to go on a date with me then Doctor Reid?," You ask, giggling. Spencer's eyes widen in realization as he facepalms for a moment.

"Wow, I didn't even think... yes - yes I would love to go on a date with you Y/N," Spencer says laughing at his own misfortune. You shake your head instinctively, but the growing smile and even further growing adoration makes it hard to sit still.

"Hey, Spencer," you say, butterflies filling your stomach.

"Yeah?"

"I really like you,"

____

Saturday comes quicker than Spencer can really understand. You told him not to worry about what the days plans would be but he can't help it. Anxiously awaiting you in front of the cafe that the two of you were supposed to meet at, in a part of town Spencer hasn't really seen before. You said that you'd lead the way and the irony isn't lost on him.

"Spencer?," Your voice is small, as you call out to what you think is Spencer Reid. Of course, you'd seen him before but to see him in person like this was still so unfamiliar. His head shoots up, eyes searching for you. He's delighted to have found you, certainly that was true as he walks towards you. Your arms envelop him in a friendly hug and he can't help but find himself sinking into. You smelled sweet, like fruit and flowers (which makes sense, the more he thinks about it)

"Lovely to finally meet you, Y/N,"

"Same goes for you, doc. Would you like to be informed of our plans for the day, or do you prefer the element of surprise?,"  You ask smiling. Spencer laughs at your question.

"Details would be appreciated, but I get the feeling you're not gonna give me those."

"You're right! It's a trick question, since it's a surprise. But, promise it'll be good,"

"I'll take your word for it then," Spencer says with a small smile. You hold your hand out for Spencer which he accepts, locking his hands with yours. The affection makes him feel full of warmth, as you lead him away for the day you had planned for the both of you.

___

Spencer underestimated how well you knew him. He really, really did. It's hard to explain since Spencers been on a date before but this was so profoundly different. He's a little touched, but beyond that he's just.. surprised? Every date he'd been on before this, he'd have to play the gentleman but it never seemed like the other person was interested in just him. It was always casual small-talk over dinner, or a mid-day coffee date or something else that just felt mundane but this was beyond Spencer's imagination.

The first place you took him was a bookstore - which was in Spencers mind already a winner for best date he'd ever been on. You walked inside with him and told him he had to pick up a book for you and you had to pick up a book for him and to say his heart absolutely fluttered would be an understatement. He picked up up a copy of "The Screwtape Tales," by C.S. Lewis for you, and you gave him a copy of Shel Silverstein's "Where The Sidewalk Ends." For you, you got a glimpse to see what Spencer's sense of humor was and you gave Spencer a piece of your childhood. Both equal but opposite forms of intimacy. The only thing was Spencer had to wait to read his book because it's relatively shorter than yours and he reads 20,000 words per minute.

The next place you took Spencer was an indoor butterfly garden. Does he have to explain why that's a good date? He heard you talk about all the scientific names for the different flowers and why they attract butterflies and he wasn't sure he could crush any harder on you if he tried. A particular moment sticks out to him on which a butterfly landed on your shoulders and just stayed there like it didn't want to leave. Spencer's eyes were fixated on it the whole time - and he had never wanted to be a butterfly in his life before but he figures there's a first time for everything.

The last place, where the both of you were at now was just a small coffee shop, locally owned and supported by the community here. You told Spencer that when you started up your shop, you'd come in here to work on big orders before you'd expanded enough to have employees. Spencer admires your work ethic, much more than he could ever anticipate as he sits down at a small booth, totally covering the both of you as you return to the table with a little plate of banana bread and two iced coffees. Spencer pouts as he looks up at you, watching you flash him a grin.

"I could've helped you carry this over," Spencer complains gently. You roll your eyes.

"Maybe next time doc," you say softly. You hold back your commentary often on the date, and Spencer pretends not to notice for your sake but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wanna know. You always had something sly to say but you'd kept it from him so many times now he figures it's better if he didn't ask.

Spencer looks at you as you push a plate of banana bread towards him. He looks at you with curious eyes before reading your clearly excited face and laughs. He picks up a piece and examines it, before taking a bite. If it tasted as good as it smelled then he would be more than obliged.

The involuntary moan that escapes Spencer's throat makes you choke with laughter. Shit, you weren't kidding when you said this was the best banana bread in the city. Spencer just looks up at you like he's about to cry with joy as you double over in giggles.

"I know," You say softly, taking a bite yourself eyes filling with joy "I ordered some more for us to take home - you're welcome," you say with confidence. Spencer smiles because that is genuinely thoughtful, but it was more endearing to see you pretend it wasn't. He just shakes his head, a blush arising to his face as he looks at you. You're staring at him with intent. He quirks his brow at you in question.

"I had a good time today, Spencer" You say warmly. You only called him Spencer when you were saying something affectionate and a bit serious. He gives you a toothy smile.

"I haven't been on very many dates, but this was easily the best one I'd ever been on," Spencer says honestly. You grin ear to ear, hands carefully holding Spencer across the table, running your thumb over his knuckles for a few seconds. You couldn't say for sure whether it was too soon to ask him to be your boyfriend, but you'd be damned if you said it didn't cross your mind.

Spencer was mind-numbingly unaware of what good boyfriend material he was, but beyond that - what good submissive boyfriend material he was. It was driving you nuts, but you knew this was all new for him and you didn't wanna freak him out. Even when guys say they're interested in being submissive, they're still often times uncomfortable with you being fully dominant. Dominant in public and in bed, if you will. You wanted to pay for dates, and buy him flowers, and make him feel special too - at least on the occasion. That role came naturally to you, that let me make you feel owned type affection that only a dominant person can give. It scared men off - out of relationships, and you totally got why - but you liked Spencer too much as a person to risk iit.

Spencer holds your hands together, gathering your attention. You looked at him spaced out and he gives you a look of concern.

"You okay?," Spencer asks. You nod, chewing your lip in debate of whether or not you should express your concerns. Spencer just tugs on your hand and looks at you intently.

You sigh, looking at Spencer softly.

"I'm okay I just really like you," you say a little exasperated. Spencer laughs but is filled with relief.

"I'm glad to hear that. What else is on your mind?,"

"I really like you - like in an, I want you to officially by my boyfriend way and I hope it's not too soon but I'm just, worried I guess," you say nervously. Spencer can't help the way his heart beats in his chest when he hears you say boyfriend. God did he want to be your boyfriend.

"What're you worried about?,"

"I'm worried about freaking you out. I can be a lot since I'm... you know?," You say nervously. Spencer looks at you  to continue.

"I'm more than just dominant in bed, and for a lot of guys it's not their thing and that's their right but I like you so much. I really don't want that to happen if I ask you out now and you realize that it's not for you," you say in clear upset.

Spencer looks at you in disbelief. You were worried that he was gonna freak out over that? That you were too dominant for him? It feels like such a silly concern but the expression on your face tells him you're speaking from experience.

"I mean, it's all kinda new to me but, well - I do like how you treat me? It's a nice change, I can't imagine myself getting tired of it, or of you. I really like you too," Spencer tried his best to reassure you without totally embarrassing you. You smiles at Spencer but your face is still full of doubt.

"If that ever changes, I'll tell you but I'd really like to call you my girlfriend," Spencer finishes. You can't help the warmth that spreads in your stomach at the offer. You just nod, looking up at him. You stand and walk to Spencer's side of the booth, sliding in next to him, leaning your head into his shoulder for a few while seconds. You sit back up, and Spencer turns to you.

"Hey, doc," you say softly. Spencer hums in acknowledgement.

"Can I kiss you?," you ask softly. Spencer chews his lip and nods, looking down at your lip. You're wearing lipgloss and it makes them look pretty - you are so pretty to Spencer.

Kisses are their own language, Spencer figures. The way someone kisses you can tell you a lot about who they are - so, when you put your hands on the side of Spencer's face, pulling him closer to you with such care and adoration - Spencer can feel what you were referencing earlier. The word Miss rings out in his mind, the way you pay attention to him with your hands. He feels your lips press against his, slowly gliding your fingers in his hair, thumb brushing agains the side of his cheek. Your other hand rested on his inner thigh and he has to think about anything other than that not to get hard. Spencer didn't get how much he'd been thinking about touching you until you'd do with no hesitation and he lets out a small whine. You pull back and Spencer has to catch his breath.

His lashes blink up at you and you're absolutely beaming.

"You're cute baby,"

Baby? Spencer wants to cover his face when you say it. You kiss him again and he can't help but feel flush.

You were Spencer's girlfriend and then some and he couldn't be more happy.

[hackedmotionsensors]

Darcy and Jimmy Woo function as two of the same characters that are

Avengers Adjacent

A cheaper grab than other actors (why Darcy is here and not Jane for example)

Have access to knowledge that the viewers would have or are experiencing the same story discovery as we are.

Comedic relief that typically wouldn’t go to heavier characters.

Have access to things that logically they really shouldn’t but for story purposes to move the main heroes along or assist in story progression. Lol Like SWORD depending on their rank next to the FBI would probably not have Jimmy on premise during their operations. Govt agencies like that are still very “NO THIS IS OUR CASE” about things like terrorism/murders/hostages etc.  Since Jimmy clearly doesn’t have authority over Hayward there’d be no reason for him to be there or he’d be pushed out (which he inevitably was again..story reasons)

Darcy’s field WASN’T Astrophysics but we can assume that she’s become one by being with Jane. Why does she have all this information about what happened with the Avengers? We can assume she was told. Or there were briefings bc she’s Avengers Adjacent to Thor. Or Thor flat out told her. Or she survived the snap and again Avengers Adjacent was probably working with Natasha’s Avengers. There’s a lot of ways to explain it out but basically it comes down to

She knows what the viewers know. And that’s perfectly fine. Its actually really boring storytelling to explain every nuance or tidbit of a story (At least in visual media format. Books are a lot easier to really flesh out things like ‘here’s what happened to Jimmy Woo’ kinda stuff).  Like for example we don’t see all the episodes in between the episodes we’re shown in Wandavision. So far the episodes between 3-7 seem to run directly after each other. 

 Lol I also took pause and was like ‘why does she know this’. But it could just be something that she knows. To focus on that is kinda like not seeing the forest for the trees. That’s definitely a path that later you can go down in fanfics or try to put together yourself but for overall story purposes its not super important why she knows this. Monica also had a lot more information than you would think. But its easier to explain bc she works for SWORD and Jimmy works for the FBI. But if Darcy is in cahoots with SWORD and the FBI there’s a good chance its because of her relation to Jane and Thor. She’s a pre-existing characterin the MCU so she just has access to information. So that makes it easier on the viewer to follow as Vision is given information that WE (and Darcy) know that he doesn’t. 

The fun of WandaVision being a mystery show is that sometimes you don’t get to know everything lol

[marvel-download-tutorial]

How to Download Marvel comics for free!

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while especially since we’re all stick inside but last week Marvel made the shitty decision to transition various print titles to digital only, meaning they’re directly taking revenue away from local shops rather than delay the titles, so since Marvel thinks digital comics is such a cool idea I’m gonna show you how to download as many as you’d like! (oh also this is for windows only, idk how to do it if you own a mac but also you’re rich anyways so who cares buy the comics richie)

I don’t want to take money away from the people that need it, not the actual companies of Marvel and DC fuck them they’re dying and they deserve it, but for my own rationalizing I want to take a minute to plug the Hero Initiative, basically what it is an organization that provides for comic creators that are having hard times, comics are a rough industry and you don’t get into it to get rich, I won’t go into it too much you can read for yourself but it’s been endorsed by Stan Lee, Justin Ponsor, Mike Grell, Skottie Young, Rags Morales, a lot of big names, so I’d ask if you do follow this guide and download some comics for free please consider donating to the Hero Initiative (they also sell autographed prints and you can commission some really famous artists)

anyways onto the good stuff! I’m going to be doing a fairly brief but easy to follow guide, there will be links at the bottom of the post so look for those, I’ll probably be making a few other posts with some more info so also check back for those if my blog is still here

What do I need?

You’re going to need 4 basic things if you want to do this as easily and safely as you can 

1) a good anti-virus

2) anonymous web browser (Tor)

4) a safe and reliable source for the comics

4) a torrent program to download the comics

Also optional: VPN

Anti-Virus 

it’s good to remember when torrenting that no one is your friend, everyone is out to trick you and no one cares, honestly you should also have a good anti-virus though, I’m not really gonna tell you which one you should have but Norton 360 is pretty good but say that in a room of CS majors is the quickest way to start a fist fight, honestly just google it, you’re gonna have to do some research, but really you’re good as long as you don’t go with Avast or Kaspersky, I’m going to go over typical tricks and traps later to ensure safety, this is just basic overall security thing

Anonymous Web Browser (Tor)

next we’re gonna download Tor (you can do this before getting a VPN, like I said either one is going to put you on a list but using one to cover you getting the other at least mitigates it lol) Tor is a great open source project that allows for basically complete anonymous web browsing, it’s a project dedicated to privacy and disruption of corporations ability to control every aspect of our lives, also a friend of mine bought K off silk road with it once in highschool, really not too much you need to know about it before using it, just download it, let it configure and you’re good, also use Duck Duck go that it comes with, don’t switch it to chrome or anything, Duck Duck go is anonymous search service which better lends to Tor’s protection

Where to get the torrents

Now this is really important because you can have everything else set up but without a safe reliable source none of this is gonna do any good, but this is the dangerous part, torrent sites are notorious traps (I bricked more than on family PC on limewire) and this is why I said earlier to remember these people are not your friends and are out to hurt you, don’t click banner ads, don’t believe pop ups, make sure your virus protection is on and it’s a very good idea to have an adblocker on, also look out for another post I’ll be making on what download buttons to trust for different popular torrent sites

when talking comics (and remember specifically only Marvel comics) there’s no other name out there than Nemesis43, he is a god and he’s going to be your new best friend, there are groups and sites out there that do comic scans that you have to pay to join or like apply to join, that shit’s dumb as hell and I’ve never used them once and I’ve got more comic than I can read in my lifetime, you don’t need em and you especially don’t need to give them money, donate to the Hero Initiative instead

Nemesis has moved around a bit in the past (if you remember the WWT debacle) right now the main site for him is ettv (there will be a link at the end of the post) sites a bit barren but he’s there, he also has a reddit he gives updates on very rarely, generally if he moves he adds where his new home is in a text doc in his recent uploads, I fully trust him and his uploads, he’s been doing this for years and I’d never have a second thought downloading from him, also because he uploads so much he’s often very highly rated and verified on whatever site he’s on

The second place I’d recommend is getcomic (again there will be a link at the end), now this is very important, never donate to them, they kinda suck, basically they’re plugged into a bunch of different scanner groups and just steal those scans and put them up and then ask for donations, basically they’re just an aggregate (Nem kinda is too but he doesn’t ask for donations and stuff), they usually use browser downloads which are a complete pain so I’d really recommend Nemesis over them but they do have TheComicGuy on torrent galaxy for larger files but that updates a lot less frequently then the main site, again I trust these guys (as long as you’re on the actual site) but don’t trust any banner ads or pop ups, also for downloading they give multiple options, a lot are very sketchy, just use the main server

also there’s other sites like readcomics or newcomics, never used em, don’t like em, use at your own behest 

On sites like ettv you’re gonna want to use the magnet, someone years ago told me it was safer and I just believed them and have always used em, not sure if it’s true but it’s worked so whatever, really you shouldn’t be too worried about this stuff and if you follow this guide you’re going to be way over prepared to download comics, really no one cares about comic torrenting, movies, video games, tv shows that’s the stuff people really get caught on, this is just nerd shit

I’m going to be making another post showing how to use these sites, and other sites comic can be found on so look back at my blog for that

Torrent program

This is pretty basic, just get utorrent, it’s what I’ve always used, it works, whatever, definitely look this up with a VPN on or on Tor, it’s simple to use, I’ll be doing a short tutorial on how to make it even safer

Lastly this one is optional but a pretty good idea, for more than just this

VPN aka Virtual Privacy Network

honestly you can get the anonymous web browser (Tor) or the VPN first, their both going to help cover you downloading the other and honestly both are going to put you on a list for googling them (which is why I suggest looking for someone who just already has the .exes ((I always keep them on a thumbdrive for when I have to reset one of my computers)), I might try to make a google drive with em but also I might not bc that sounds like work and I’m already typing all this up), anyways I’m not really gonna explain what a VPN is, there’s a lot of resources that can explain it better than I can but basically it masks what you do on the internet, there’s a lot of choices when picking a VPN but the big thing I looked for when choosing mine was 1) non-US based so it’s harder for US investigation agencies to request stuff for them or get anything from them 2) one that doesn’t keep logs, honestly they all do even if they say they don’t, but you wanna look for one that hasn’t turned over many logs to US agencies and 3) unlimited peer 2 peer connections which is complicated but basically means you can torrent stuff anonymously and with decent speed. Like Anti-Virus there are a ton of different VPN’s out there, you really have to do research because there are actual accounts of FBI agencies crating VPN’s telling people they’re anonymous when really they had direct access to all the info, I haven’t done any research but NordVPN seems kinda like one of these, really the more they advertise the more suspicious I am, Just google “best vpn 2020″ and look at like 5 lists and read the the stuff, personally I use IPvanish which unfortunately is US based and while it gave over logs in 2016 even thought they said they didn’t keep any but now they’re owned by a new company that super double promises they don’t (again who cares they all do) but they’ve allow P2P and use 256-bit AES encryption

I wanna take a second to mention that this isn’t going to be free, this is the only place you’re going to be spending money (besides donating to Heroe Initative of course), a good VPN is about $100 a year which all in all isn’t terrible, technically you can just get by on the anonymous browser but this gives you an extra layer of security to pretty much ensure you won’t get caught and plus in the ever worsening internet hell world a VPN is becoming more and more important, I’m sure you can find articles about it but yea you don’t technically need a VPN but it’s useful for more than just this

How to work it all

Ok so this is gonna be a little stream of consciousness, as this all kinda has been, so sorry but I’m gonna try and explain it as best I can and also feel free to ask any questions on this blog, I’ll check back eventually I’m sure

So first thing first, make sure you’re virus protection is on and you’re connected on your VPN if you’re using it (you can google “what is my IP” to double check it’s working) then load up Tor, let it load and connect up and whatever, then go to https://www.ettvdl.com/user/Nemesis43 (I’m just gonna show this with Nemesis43, maybe I’ll make another one for getcomics but that’s pretty straight forward, also nem is better)

now remember we’re only here for Marvel comics, so scroll past all those thousands of other comics this would work exactly the same for, I’m gonna go for Ant-Man #4 which was released on the 13 as a digital only comic despite the first three issues being physical copies and now sit on my shelf forever unfinished making me look like a complete penis

it may take a while but it’s going to look like this, click on the blue words, it’s gonna take you to a page that looks like this

now from here we’re going to get the magnet link, right click and select copy link address, I like doing this because it limits my interactions with the page, note the advertisement at the top telling me I need a VPN despite thinking I’m in Guadalajara (which for legal reasons I am)

just copy that and then go to utorrent and click the add link

it’ll open a little box, it should add the link automatically, if it doesn’t just hit ctrl+V

hit ok and it’ll load it up, it might need to download some metadata but after that it should be good, oh also it might bring up a window basically asking where you want to save it and what to name it, you can set all that up in preferences, I did so I just turned that window off and can’t be assed to turn it back on, just hit ok if you don’t wanna bother with that stuff, it’ll go into your downloads by default

and that’s it really, it’s that easy, I might make another thing talking about how to make utorrent more anonymous or whatever so look for that, but stock it’s fine, also when it’s finished downloading it’s gonna start seeding (like uploading to someone else) I’ve always been a scumbag and I never seed but Nemesis seeds stuff so much you really don’t need to anyways, just select it and hit the stop button (the black square on the tool bar)

here are all the links I could think of

Hero Initiative

download Tor

here’s a guide for VPNs

download utorrent

song I found recently that I like

getcomics

Nemesis

so yea that’s pretty much the basics, be smart, be safe, any viruses you get are on you but I hope you found this helpful and feel free to ask any questions

oh and also this is all parody and I’ve never actually torrented anything, I don’t even own a computer

[eggbabey]

Ok okok but jon’s powers... y can’t he see through like security cameras and shit? Bc really the real fear of being watched is the fact that everything you do is likely being recorded and some FBI agent is laughing at u being a fuck up... but Jon being able to See through tech?? How fucking sick would that be? He would have no idea what to do he’s such a grandpa accidentally hijacking government surveillance and shit? Hilarious

And what if he could see through Other people eyes??? Or through the eyes of animals???? Obviously this isn’t really relevant since the world has ended and cameras and shit are probably all fucked up and the eye can literally see everything but... grandpa jon being able to access like every sort of surveilance software is so Funny to me

[roominthecastle]

For someone who hasn't seen TBL since... early season 4? (and even then only watched a couple episodes) could you give me a quick rundown of what I have to know in order to watch the beginning of season 6? If that's too much hassle I understand but I thought if anyone can put that car crash of a show into a sorta sensible summary it's you.

“car crash of a show” well, that is… too real. like you can’t help but stare and wonder what might emerge from the wreckage. :)

Thank you for the vote of confidence, I tried my best to recall the main events from each season. If something important is missing or I misremembered, hopefully somebody corrects that in a reply or a comment, and you will be able to see those, too.

(putting the rest behind a cut bc length)

S4

Alexander Kirk is the latest contestant of the increasingly crowded “who’s your daddy” competition. He was in love w/ Liz’s mom, has a life-threatening blood disorder, and a pathological fondness for kidnapping. He takes Liz and Agnes to her childhood home that triggers some vague memories of Katarina. Kirk is sure he is her father and has a DNA test to prove it. Liz also finds Katarina’s journal in which Katarina mentions how she was assigned to honeytrap Reddington.

Meanwhile, Red uses Mr. Kaplan’s connections to learn where Kirk keeps Liz and Agnes, then tips off the task force. Despite feeling betrayed by the fake death stunt, they roll out to rescue her but Kirk gets away and they take Agnes, too (they play hot potato with that poor kid). Red takes Mr. Kaplan to the woods and shoots her for her betrayal. But she survives the headshot (not unprecedented as we learn later that she survived a head injury before and has a metal plate in her head) and is nursed back to relative physical health (but apparent psychological unwellness) by a hermit in the woods. For now, nobody else knows she is alive.

Kirk is trying to find a cure. Tom and Liz keep failing in their side-mission to get Agnes back, but Red uses Kirk’s doctor to track him. This leads him to a trap but Liz tips him off just in time. This is the first time (IIRC) that Red hesitates to trust her (kinda understandable since he’s still reeling from the fake death thing) and he almost dies as a result. Then Liz lures Kirk, gets Agnes back, but Kirk collapses and is hospitalized. He needs a donor to survive. Liz volunteers bc getting answers trumps everything. Red tells her that the DNA test proving that she is Kirk’s daughter was faked and it gets confirmed bc Liz is not a match, she can’t save him. Kirk’s goons rescue him from the hospital and Liz is taken again. Red volunteers to trade places w/ her and even manages to secure the cure for Kirk to sweeten the pot. Liz is released but Kirk, now aware that he is not the father, tortures Red. He demands Red confess that he (Red) is Liz’s father, which he finally does under insane duress, then whispers sth to Kirk that convinces him to let Red go. We still don’t know what he whispered or where Kirk is now, but this is the end of the first big arc of S4.

Liz gets her FBI badge back thanks to Red applying pressure and securing a presidential pardon. She and Tom try playing house and keep failing bc Tom will never be what she wants him to be: his meek teacher cover role from S1. Red looks for and finds a new cleaning crew but what he did to Mr. Kaplan is eating at him. Dembe gets worried about his mental state and tells Liz what happened to Kaplan, which drives Liz further down the “blame Red for everything” path but they continue working together. After Kaplan recovers, her revenge mission kicks into gear and the various ways in which she tries to dismantle Red’s criminal empire is the second big arc that lasts until the end of the season.

Kaplan tries to strip Red of his resources and connections. Her methods range from clearing out his back accounts to trying to sabotage the Task Force. She goes as far as poisoning Red, for which she tries to frame Dembe to destroy their relationship but Dembe (w/ Aram’s help) proves he didn’t betray Red and their bond becomes tighter than ever. Then Mr. Kaplan unearths 86 bodies (including Diane Fowler’s, so Cooper & Co. now know Red killed her), which launches an official investigation that threatens to expose the Task Force and its ties to Red. Mr. Kaplan also meets with Liz, tells her about their past connection (in a flashback episode, we learn that she worked for Katarina as Liz’s nanny and she handed her off to Sam after the fire, then started working for Red at his request), and tries to convince her to turn on Red but Liz refuses.

Meanwhile, Ressler is trying to get justice for the murder of Fowler’s replacement, Reven. He knows Hitchen (the National Security Advisor) killed her but he has no solid proof. Mr. Kaplan reaches out to the doctor who tampered w/ Liz’s memory when she was a child, and hires him to mess w/ Ressler’s head, planting fake memories and almost driving him to kill Hitchen. He is stopped in time, the doc is captured and he tells Liz he was also hired 2 years ago to take away some of her memories again (concerning Red) at the request of a man they both know, but we still don’t know who this person is. Red denied it was him and I, for one, believe him.

Red decides to set a trap for Mr. Kaplan, playing on her blind fixation on Liz. He hires a blacklister to kidnap Liz, feeds clues to Kaplan that lead her to where Liz is kept. Red tells Liz he is willing to refrain from killing her (Kaplan) but if Kaplan doesn’t stand down, she has to die. When she walks into the trap, Red offers truce. Mr. Kaplan refuses, the FBI also shows up, there’s a shootout and Mr. Kaplan escapes. Red visits Dom bc he needs a key he hid on his property and tells him his granddaughter, Liz, is alive. Then he meets with Kaplan, offers her that key to a remote and secure paradise in exchange for ending this war but she once again refuses. The agent investigating those 86 bodies shows up but Red escapes and Kaplan agrees to testify in exchange for immunity.

Red and Ressler reach out to the blacklister who cleaned up after Hitchen and use the evidence he kept to blackmail her into scrapping the inquiry concerning the task force, Red, and those bodies. Vague national security excuse works every time. Liz reaches out to Kaplan and they go on a drive. Kaplan promises answers but Red and his men show up and she commits suicide by jumping off a bridge. Her death triggers a protocol to release Red’s secret, aka the suitcase w/ the skeleton in it, that lands in Tom’s hands but for now nobody knows he has it. Ressler visits Hitchen and accidentally kills her when they get into an argument, so he calls the blacklister that previously cleaned up after her to clean up after him now. Cooper runs a DNA test on a sample from an old bloody shirt in evidence that belonged to Reddington, compares it to Liz’s sample and tells her it’s a match. Liz tells him she ran a test too, soon after Red showed up in her life, but never checked the result bc she was afraid to know. She now confronts Red w/ the news and he neither confirms nor denies, just lets her hug him - which is their basic dynamic in the first half of the next season.

S5

Most of the first block of this season is about Red trying to rebuild his organization from scratch in various ways - first as a bounty hunter and then once again working w/ the task force. He seems to enjoy the freedom that comes w/ hitting rock bottom. Liz helps out, too, acting jarringly happy. Meanwhile, Tom decides to keep the suitcase a secret from her and asks Nik to help him identify the human remains inside. He also steals Liz’s ID to be able to access official databases and they reach out to another guy to have the bones DNA tested. Then Nik is killed when he goes to get the results and the skeleton gets taken.

Still not knowing about Tom’s involvement or the suitcase, Liz asks Red to help find Nik’s killer and Red soon discovers that Nik was working with Tom and that he had the skeleton. Tom tracks down the girlfriend of the guy who ran the DNA test to ask for help finding him. She helps, they find him, but then all of them get captured by a US Marshall named Garvey who is v much interested in the skeleton, too, bc he has a very personal ax to grind w/ Red. Tom escapes and he takes the skeleton. He calls Liz and tells her to meet at home but reveals nothing concrete, so you know he is not long for this world. That’s where Garvey and his men find them. He stabs Tom and Liz gets badly injured, too. Red and Dembe come to the rescue and take both to the hospital.

Tom dies, Liz is in a coma for 10 months and struggles a lot after she regains consciousness. She asks Tom’s mother, Scottie, to look after Agnes, makes Red promise to keep working cases with the task force and to not follow her, then moves to a remote cabin in Alaska where she saves a witness from the bad guys who want to silence him by killing them all in a Home Alone meets The Shining manner. After this, she decides to return to find out why Tom was killed and get revenge. She works this case separate from the task force.

The blacklister, Prescott, who cleaned up after Ressler last season starts blackmailing Ressler, threatening to reveal that he killed Hitchen if Ressler doesn’t derail an investigation. Ressler refuses but with Red’s help they manage to arrest Prescott who then intends to deliver on his threat. Red kills him and removes any implicating evidence. So Ressler goes to Cooper to deliver his written confession but Cooper says he will hold onto the letter as long as the task force is up and running bc none of them are who they were before, each of them has a letter like that, so to speak, but the work they do here is too important. They will hold each other accountable after it’s done.

Liz is investigating on her own. She tracks down one of Garvey’s goons and ends up killing him when they get into a fight but she also learns that Nik was helping Tom. She then dissolves the body Stewmaker-style but leaves a piece of evidence behind by accident, so she also breaks into the evidence room and steals it to cover her tracks. She draws the attention of a detective in whom she later confides about looking for Tom’s killer and even shows him the Post Office. Red helps out w/ her investigation, too, they both want the suitcase back after all. Liz confronts him about his motives (saying he only wants to keep his secret, nothing else matters) and responsibility in Tom’s death. Red tells her Tom died bc he didn’t heed his warning and that this secret is something he has to keep, so he isn’t telling.

Liz finds some notes among Tom’s belongings that eventually lead her to Dom. She doesn’t know he is her grandfather, he doesn’t tell her, but they talk. Dom denies being a spy code named Oleander (from Tom’s notes) but tells her he used to work as an analyst and came to the US after the Cold War (he really is Oleander, tho). He also tells her he knew Katarina well but doesn’t reveal their connection other than “we worked in the same building”, and he refuses to say anything about Red.

Red learns that whoever killed Tom and took the skeleton has law enforcement ties and Liz decides to rejoin the Task Force but only to up her chances at capturing Tom’s killer. This reinstatement requires a psychological evaluation and Liz goes a few rounds with Dr. Fulton who later turns out to be a serial killer killer/vigilante. Liz corners her at a crime scene but then lets her go bc she might need her help one day, and Fulton green lights her official reinstatement.

With the help of the detective she confided in, Liz finally identifies Garvey as Tom’s killer but Garvey kills the detective. They wanna take Garvey down by proving he is not only a murderer but also has ties to drug trafficking. Liz also approaches a woman Garvey keeps visiting in a diner and tells her everything, hoping she will flip on him. This is when the woman reveals she is Jennifer Reddington whom Garvey has been protecting from her father for decades. Red wants to kill Garvey but he cannot do that as long as he has the skeleton, so he kidnaps him. Then Garvey escapes and goes to the diner. Red and Dembe follow him there. Garvey shoots Red. Liz and Dembe shoot Garvey. Garvey later dies in the hospital w/o revealing anything.

While recovering, Red uses one of Garvey’s goons to track the skeleton to Costa Rica and learns that it’s in the possession of another enemy of his, Sutton Ross. Liz follows Red and wants to find the remains first. Ross is captured by the Task Force. Liz offers a secret deal and he agrees bc he was tasked by Garvey to reveal the skeleton’s secret bc Jennifer deserves to know the truth. Together they put on a show for Red: Ross escapes, takes Liz hostage and then pretends to torture her to force Red to give up his secret. Just when Red is about to break and reveal it, the Task Force storms the place and captures Ross again. Red doesn’t seem to know he has been played but he takes the skeleton, shoots Ross, then walks away. He takes the remains back to Dom’s place where he burns them. Dom warns him that Liz is not gonna give up. He is not wrong bc it is revealed that Liz was not only working w/ Ross, she now also knows the remains belong to the real Reddington, so Red is an imposter and not her father. She vows to find out his real identity and then destroy him w/ the help of her half-sister, Jennifer.

Oh and Samar and Aram’s relationship takes a few turns over the season as well. They start dating and then Aram prepares to propose, which ends in a fight and an almost break-up. Then Samar gets abducted by a blacklister and the last thing she says to Aram is that she would have said yes. She also ends up in a coma but regains consciousness at the end of the finale, so their engagement is now official.

[jbuffyangel]

Weekly Rundown 10/14/18-10/20/18

Time to rundown what I’m watching, loving, hating and everything in between! Spoilers ahead!

Arrow (“Inmate 4587″)

William running through the woods, even if it is a dream, makes me so emo.

I love how Arrow fake kills Felicity because they'd rather walk into hell than do it for real.

Felicity and William's photo sits on top of his copy of “Count of Monte Cristo” because they are Oliver's way out.

Stan stans Oliver. Same dude.

If we get this much Oliver working out then I will survive the prison storyline.

Mystery GA is like old school Oliver without Oliver having to be old school. Nifty.

Oliver's voiced cracks just a little bit when he asked Diggle about William and Felicity. It hurts to even say their names.

Felicity is the most adorable pink haired barista to ever live

"Boxing is not gonna win you a fight in the Glades." Oh yeah? Tell that to LL. Oh wait. She's dead. Never mind. Kid is right.

DO NOT TOUCH THE WIFEY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES OR DIE.

I don't remember all these villains. Smeh.

Who dat in da boat?

Listen dude you need to see a picture of her husband and then you'd know better than to even ask.

LL hit the streets as BC after a couple boxing lessons. BS hits a couple law books and is DA. You're right LL fandom. Totally same character.

Curtis has a job with ARGUS and please for all that is holy let him stay there.

Is anyone else unnerved watching all these characters fight crime legally?

He's looking for Robert Queen? Long lost son? Grave robber? Weirdo?

So now Rene wants to go to prison? Why didn't you just do that in the first place? Then Oliver wouldn't have to save your ass & leave everyone he loves behind.

Grown up William? Flash forward Roy? I AM SPIRALING Y'ALL

Just when we thought there was nothing better than Oliver fighting naked in a shower they gave us Felicity kicking Diaz's ass.

Oh god y'all that scene was incredible. Don't ever say to me Oliver and Felicity are not the foundation of Arrow.

"I will always wait for you." Later. I have to eat my feelings.

Felicity gives William the hozen. I AM NOT OKAY.

GROWN UP WILLIAM WITH ROY!!!!! WE ARE FLASH FORWARDING PEOPLE!  

Okay they went no where near as dark with Oliver as I thought they would. Also, I should maybe look into a therapist because my dark & twisty is a lot darker and twistier than Arrow.

I am here for aged up Felicity. I am living for it.

Manifest “Unclaimed Baggage”

OMG we found out what Ben does for a living. The greatest mystery of Manifest is solved. HE IS A MATH PROFESSOR.

I want Ben to figure out to pay off my mortgage and keep $500K.

We finally meet Danny. Danny is the hot nurse from Grey’s Anatomy, the hot firefighter from Rescue Me and the hot FBI agent from Graceland. I love me some Daniel Sunjata. I prefer blondes so I’d still go with Dreamy McBlue eyes (Josh Dallas) but I understand Grace’s predicament more now. The struggle is real.

Michaela blew an operation with her Spidey sense and Jared took the blame, but it gave us this SWOONY exchange:

Michaela: You don’t have to protect me.

Jared: Yes I do. I can’t help it.

I still don’t really care about the plane mystery. The relationships are much more interesting.

The Gifted (”Outmatched”)

I was very bored this week. The best conflict is Lauren and Andy, but it was an anti climatic ending. 

This Is Us (”Vietnam”)

He got the "Breathe" from the army buddy. I'm ten minutes in and This Is Us has left me emotionally eviscerated. So your standard Tuesday night.

We are rehashing a lot of information I already know.

My father was drafted at the same time as Nicky. He was #5 in the draft. My dad was #8

Blindspot (”My Art Project”)

"I'm the work wife." LOL!!! Rich Dotcom is often the best of Blindspot episodes.

Reade is freaking out. SHE IS ALIVE READE DON'T BELIEVE IT!

I want to go to lunch with Rich Dotcom and talk Met Gala couture.

"You've done something with your hair. Your whole vibe is edgier." Boston is the only one who knows long hair = evil Jane.

Can no one see when Remi makes her cranky evil face after being nice to Kurt? It's her face! HOW DO THEY NOT SEE IT?

Wait. How is the puzzle a vetting process if other people don't have access to the tattoo? This makes no sense.

Madeline is sufficiently creepy.

Awww Rich is jealous. He's used to being Team Blindspot's favorite criminal. No one can take your place Rich Dotcom. You are one in a million.

Uh oh. Kurt saw that picture taking Remi.

Zapata is an accessory to murder. That ain't good.

That was too much Remi, Remi. Reel it back girl.

Remi drugged Patterson. This removes any doubt. She is evil.

Jane is a super ninja. She can't get out of being held hostage? She's done it millions of times before and yet nobody on Team Blindspot questions her helplessness?

Anyone else confused on this case? I hate it when I'm confused on case of the week.

Making a Murderer Part 2

I’m trying to hang in there on, but jeez this forensic science stuff is complex.

Brendan Dassey’s case is bounced between courts like a soccer ball. This is insane.

Oh holy hell I don’t know who did it. I give up.

That’s all for this week! I started my Daredevil binge so I have a bunch of shows to catch up on!

[staboteur]

//im still watching criminal minds (it’s like getting late now but you know how it goes) and i can’t stop thinking about how rene’s like... signature. his signature is that he’s usually on or nearby the case he’s copying. Like that’s what he gets a kick out of, the whole espionage, fooling his department, that thing. He’s on the very law enforcement that’s looking out for him, or at least, looking for the killer he’s copying.

//it’s pretty wild actually to think about, it’s actually based on the superhero/supervillain verse I have for Rene, where he’s on the team of detectives investigating the identity of enigma, which is his supervillain name. So i mean honestly it’s like in his MO in that AU, i might as well recycle it for this one. It also fits the whole like,, pattern deal that the fbi/detective folks follow

//it’s funny bc as soon as rene’s found out, as soon as a single hint is dropped about the existence of a copycat among the agents themselves, he’s done, bc it’ll be really easy to cross reference which agents were at which crime scenes and which agents would have access to the reports, etc etc, then narrow down the suspects based on a profile which wouldn’t be hard . Which is fitting considering the whole spy theme, since if there is even a hint of a spy being present, that spy is dead.

//see bc like im watching this one episode (spoilers for season 1 episode 5 if you’re like me and live under a rock and never watched this show) where they figure out almost immediately after being given a specific hint about how the perp seemed to know exactly what was happening at the moment it was happening. So if a similar hint was realized about the copycat crime, then Rene’d be instantly done for.

//y’know i realize i talk a lot about how he’d get caught but like not how he’s getting away with it. Bc like he’s very careful to not leave like a Classic Signature. It’s not what you’d expect, it’s not at the scene of the crime, bc the scene of the crime actually extends all the way to his office. At this point he’d be a fairly high ranking special agent, who has access to and regularly reviews the case files of the crimes. He only commits the ones he thinks he can get away with, because his like... the impetus, what causes him to want to commit the murder, is the high possibility that he’d get away with it. Like for example: they haven’t caught one particular killer in several years, the guy’s still on the loose. René picks up some case files and meticulously recreates the crime scene. He’ll have done all his research, built a psychological profile, done everything exactly as it should be. These cases would all be ones that would leave zero identifying physical features behind (like hair samples, DNA samples under fingernails before rene commits a copycat crime, etc etc), has a clear, blatant signature, has no risk of the actual killer repeating something from the signature that isn’t supposed to be repeated (for example if the killer writes one line of a poem at a time, rene wouldn’t go for one of those because he and the killer may write the same line, then a copycat who is in on the investigation would be obvious), and all that.

//whoever does catch on though, they’d call him the disguiser or something like that, or the copycat king... something cool-sounding? he would have to probably physically resist the urge to bring up his own name, and probably have to resort to like,, leaving seeds in people’s minds about what names to use in seemingly unrelated conversations i read it in an artemis fowl book, it’s book 5, he’s negotiating a hostage crisis against someone who wants the demon warlock in exchange for minerva in taiwan, anyways uh yeah so he’d go through meticulous lengths. though ofc he’d be limited by the fact that he can only commit crimes when the hours are right, so he’d have to time them very very very very specifically.

//like in the end he gets the satisfaction of getting away with it. Pinning the crime on someone else, essentially. The day he cracks is probably when the perp denies all connection to the other crime (denounces it as a copycat crime and rene didn’t pick up on that possibility in his profiling), or when a perp and he commit the crime on the same night at the same time (entirely possible considering rene would take note of the pattern), or when a perp has a solid alibi at the time of rene’s crime, etc etc, and a connection is made between those to there being fbi involvement, but even then, if rene’s very very careful, he can avoid detection for a very long time. In fact he might even get away with it, even if people catch on. In fact he’d probably have an elaborate plan to stage the murders so that it occurred when a specific member of his task force was on there. He’d get more satisfaction from his own department pinning the blame on someone else. He’d play them good and dirty, like he got that far for a reason, bc he’s good at getting away with it, and that’s what he gets off on

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 3x03 recap

(Aka the Patterson and Rich show lol)

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I LOVED this episode. Cute Jeller, supportive team, and of course, PATTERSON AND RICH BEING KICKASS BESTIES. Can the whole season be just like this ep bc good lord it is totally up there with my fave eps of this show ever and ugh I just loved it so much guys

Which in a way is kind of a bad thing because it means this review is gonna take me like 6 hours on account of all the screaming, but ah well. Worth it. 

And to the lovely Anon-- I may very possibly struggle to do these from now on due to my travelling, but I’ll try my best to keep them happening if I can. Thankfully none of the other people in my hostel dorm here in Madrid have minded my hectic late-night typing for the last couple of hours lol...

Anyhow, more gushing below the cut.

Ugh look at this. Our babies are dressed all fancy and having drinks and it’s kinda reminiscent of 1x09 except this time instead of just alluding to their interest in each other, Weller is BLATANTLY HITTING ON JANE, his WIFE, who he is MARRIED TO, and ugh it’s simultaneously delightful and almost nauseating haha. Zapata and Reade definitely agree with the nauseating part, because they’re stuck in the surveillance van being forced to listen to every word. Oh, kids. As the child of two people that love to make jokes about their sex life just to gross me out, I totally understand your pain right now. Lbr tho they probably kind of missed this. And lol I love that Jane giggles and apologises while shooting heart-eyes at Weller. You two are the worst. I actually didn’t expect this scene so early but I’m totally into it. And so Jeller keep an eye on the suspect and his daughter/wife, while Tasha works her hacking skills and hacks his computer. Also awww her cousin asked for Patterson’s autograph, that is so cute and I now love her cousin. I love that Patterson is now super rich and kinda a celeb lol. Hahaha I love that Jane delays the guy by telling him she loves his charity work and then literally like 10 secs later the team is into his files and Weller is arresting him. That would have had to feel kinda like an abrupt turnabout lol

Aww Zapata is checking in on Patterson and making sure she’s okay D: I love these ladies supporting each other. But in what sounds like depressing deja vu of both of the previous seasons, Patterson insists she’s fine to be there. Also her puzzle solving skills clearly haven’t suffered-- she figured out that random specks on Jane’s back could be translated onto a grid and brought together to form words? Dude. Tbh I like that the show gives us a brief explanation of how things were cracked without putting any pressure on us viewers-- we get to just smile and nod and be like ‘yep, sounds legit’ and then move on haha. Now Aunty Hirst has rocked up to hear the deets, considering their suspect is a big fish. And basically there’s some evidence that he caused a train to derail which was previously called in as an anonymous tip, and which made him super rich due to something to do with stocks. Can you tell I have very little understanding of the stock market lol, which tbh is kinda unfortunate considering my father keeps wanting me to invest haha.

Oooh Patterson goes to Reade bc she’s been investigating Stuart’s murder on her own despite there already being a team on it, and she tells him that Stuart had a Siri/google home/Alexa equivalent thing and that she thinks the thing recorded his murder, since they’re sneakily recording everything. Makes you worry about Siri and Alexa, doesn’t it… Anyway she wants Reade to go demand the recording from the company before it’s deleted within 72hrs. Go Reade go! Meanwhile Patterson goes to talk to their suspect’s lawyer, and walks in to find her playing Wizardville. I love that she knows exactly which part she’s at just by hearing the sound effects. Ugh you giant nerd I love you so much. When Jeller show up a minute later (maybe held up in the locker room because of… activities…) lawyer lady insists that the emails are planted by a hacker group who is targeting her client. Lol “Mr Lowie can afford better specialists than the FBI has. No offense”/”Offense taken”. Damn right, Patterson, none of those specialists could hold a candle to you. But uh oh, the lawyer mentioned the hacker group-- the three blind mice-- and Patterson suddenly got all shifty. What do you know that you’re not telling, honey???  Also the lawyer lady is threatening them with a very large lawsuit which is bound to make all of this a little awkward….

RIIIICHHH. God I will never get over the delight of seeing him appear in an episode. Patterson visits him in his office, which is literally just a room for cleaning supplies, and she turns on a radio jammer which has him spitting coffee (if that is coffee) out of his ‘best daddy ever’ mug. So either he stole the mug from Weller or someone, or it’s alluding to a weird sex thing. You never know with Rich. (Yes you do; it’s usually the weird sex thing). Ugh and when she demands to know if he hacked into the suspect’s server he’s all “What?? No?? Who??” and god I just love his FACE. Ennis how do you do this??? God. And then ugh he promises her he’s not lying and ugh I believe it. And then she tells him the tatt points to the 3BM and that the FBI are gonna try to track them down and ugh you can see the ‘oh shit’ on his face. I just love the way these two interact, like they’re legit real friends?? Ugh my babies. I adore Jeller and all, but tbh this is my favourite duo on the show rn. And now Weller wants to see them both and they’re both like ‘oh shit’ lol. And then lol he totally ignores ‘ladies first��� and calls Weller mademoiselle and you can hear that he’s nervous and aaahhhh his joke about the 3 blind mice from the nursery rhyme and then insisting he’s a crime fighter now and I just love him so muuuchhhh and this whole time he and Patterson are both half shitting themselves and ugh I feel like he’s using his ridiculousness to keep attention on him and not Patterson bc she doesn’t like lying to her team and ughhhh they’re such broooos. And Hirst appears to tell them all that they need to catch the 3BM asap because the emails were planted and their dude might sue, and to which Rich suggests a simple ‘I was wrong’ to patch things up lollll. And then Hirst has a picture of the 3BM and Patterson and Rich are all !!!!!!!!! and then it turns out it’s a person in a mouse mask and they’re so relieved lol. Also dude after Patterson, i love Rich’s dynamic with Jane the most. She’s basically like his long-suffering mom hahaha. Back in the closet, Patterson’s freaking out and wants to come clean but he’s all ‘how about no’ lol. Also he says that they dropped out because ‘someone thought it was getting too dangerous’ and he points to her but then jabs his thumb toward himself as he’s speaking and now I’m confused?? Which one wanted to bail?? (Probably Patterson lbr). Ughhhh by the sound of it they were such little Robin Hoods, and ugh I NEED the spinoff about this whole partnership over the last 2 years ughhhhhhh. And hahaha omg “so we make it a little harder for them, if you catch my drift”/”by obstructing justice??”/”drift caught.” UGHHHHH GIVE ME THE SPINOFF. GIVE IT TO ME. I will sell my soul for this I stg.

Meanwhile awww Reade is honouring Patterson’s request and talking to a representative from the kinga company about the recordings, and when she tries to deny it he and Zapata totally roll their eyes at each other haha. These bros. And then she’s texting his gf which feels a little weird, and also she says they hung out ‘last weekend’ but uh wasn’t stuart’s murder less than 72hr ago, and so all the events of last ep including Zapata meeting the gf happened then as well (that did happen in 3x02 right?)? Maybe that was friday and this is monday and she meant to say ‘on the weekend’?  Also “You better put a ring on that before I do” LOL I love it. I’m sure it’s just a joking comment but dude could Zapata be bi? Because I would totally be down for that. I like Zapata being friends with Reade’s gf and encouraging them as a couple, since I want Reade and Zapata to remain just bros. I seriously miss Reade/Sarah though. Lbr I’m still totally bitter about that one, Gero.

Patterson found the person in the mouse mask by creating a ‘biometric map’ of the person from the video and using ‘gait recognition’?? Mmmmmkay, sure, I’ll roll with it. Nice little mention of Patterson’s NSA access, though. The woman they find has a bunch of dating profiles and works for Nerd Herd (awww a Chuck reference, I’m so happy) which makes Rich pity her, but uh dude don’t you know she was Miss United States?? And she’s besties with Sandra Bullock, so she’s doing just fine. And ugh when Rich says that they tracked her location, Jane actually praises him and ughhhh look at that parental approval he’s getting, I’m so happy for him. And then haha Hirst wants both Patterson and Rich in on the interrogation and ugh you can just see my poor Patterson getting more and more tightly wound lol can someone just give her a hug before she explodes? Preferably Rich giving her a slightly stilted but genuinely sincere hug. I want it. Nope, need it. Also looks like Jeller now have nothing on their schedule…. time for another locker room rendezvous perhaps?

Lollll their suspect has said like two lines and all I hear is Miss Rhode Island… also she looks so cute in her lil Nerd Herd outfit. I wonder if she ever met Chuck? I mean she’s based on the other side of the country, but still… what if she trained under him over in Burbank before moving to NYC? Anyhow she gushes about how famous the 3BM are and both Rich and Patterson are looking SO UNCOMFORTABLE in their own ways and I’m loving it. Also ugh Hirst’s soft southern accent is so soothing. Could she narrate audiobooks or something bc I would legit buy all of them. Although rn she’s describing bad stuff that the 3BM did and that doesn’t feel right, but then Kathy decides the jig is up and explains how each of those things was actually them helping people/semi-saving the world. Also man this actress is amazing in how she can sound simultaneously kinda deranged but also kinda sweet?? I just want to protect her and her adorable lil face haha. Lol at Rich and Patterson exchanging looks across the room the whole time she’s talking. Subtle, guys. And Rich’s face when she says that the three of them are still best friends?? Maybe he’s starting to think Patterson was right to have made them both cut ties with this wacko. But duuuude why are you so vain, you literally just let her goad you into revealing yourself as one of her former partners. But still, “Oh so by ‘pretty close’, do you mean 100% correct, or?” ughhhh I love the sass. And then  Kathy mentions people being in danger and it draws Patterson over, putting all three of the blind mice at the same table for the first time in a year.... And also ever, when you think about it. Also turns out that the wealthy guy might be planning to blow something up to earn money from stocks like he did last time or something, which prompts Patterson to admit to Rich that she has backdoor access into every phone that downloaded her app. Firstly, wow, glad that power is in the hands of one of the good guys. Secondly, that’s a huge show of trust to tell him that, knowing that he could then steal her phone or something and use the access for his own gain. Ugh these bros!! Lol I do love that he gets carried away with thoughts of Hirst’s browser history tho haha. But anyhow by hacking the lawyer’s phone she figured out where the attack was planned to happen, and aawwwww Rich immediately wants to head to tell the team and Patterson is the one holding back. Also LOL: “Hey Gary.” “His name’s Gary? I’ve been calling him Rick…” ugh how is his every line just SO GOOD? I love the thought that he talks to their coworkers as well, probably talks the ear off of anyone who happens to come near him lol. Ugh my baby just wants to be loveddddd. I love the bickering-siblings thing they’ve got going on though, and “Well now who’s obstructing justice??” ahhahaha. Seriously who do I have to bribe to get the show with just these two? And then when she suddenly decides that they need to come clean, he’s all ‘woah no no, gross’ lollll. And then he has a little lightbulb moment about how to solve their problem-- a ridiculous and very conveniently timed anonymous tip lol. Well, tbh the team never really cares HOW Patterson managed to get their intel, only that she gives them stuff they can use/excuses to go beat people up. Aww but Weller trusts his lil team and acts immediately on their intel, prepared to take the fall for it if it turns out to be a dud. He’s very martyr-ish lately, I feel-- but I guess maybe he just feels invincible now that his wifey is back in his lifey?

Turns out the ‘tip’ is legit, and Jeller find our baddies, proceeding to beat the hell out of them in true Jeller fashion. There’s also a bomb, because of course there is, and Rich makes a suggestion only to be smacked down by Patterson and is properly apologetic haha. Jane then actually takes his advice, using the sped-up clock to convince the baddie to disarm the bomb, then takes him out and shoots the guy grappling with Weller by firing through a bottle of oil or something. Nice. She really is a woman of endless talents, a fact that Weller very much benefits from, both in the field and… elsewhere haha. Also Sully’s accent has dropped at least twice in this ep already, someone must be tired lol. Anyway back at the office, Aunty Hirst drops by to tell them all how proud she is. Also I want to marry the way she says ‘Lowie’. It’s just so damn cute. She then tells everyone to go home, and Rich and Patterson have a quiet little celebratory fist-bump (which they have clearly done before AAAHHHHHHH) over the 3BM investigation appearing to be closed. God they’re the cutest.

Oh yeah, forgot about Reade and Zapata for a minute there, too distracted by the other show-stealing partnership haha. They’re putting heavy pressure on the boss lady at Kinga, and I love that she calls him ‘sir’ and that he’s so firm and authoritative with her. This seems more like a true AD of the FBI! And you know Zapata’s pretty impressed too haha.  Well done, Reade.

Loll Patterson and Rich meeting in a deserted parking lot and Rich stepping in a puddle and then both of them realising that neither of them actually sent the message that they received. Tbh I just love that each of them got a message from the other telling them to come to a random parking lot in the middle of the night and they both came?? Without question?? Ugghhhhhhh have I mentioned lately that I love them. Also what’s Rich’s sitch at the safe house? Does he have a team watching him that he had to evade to get here, or? And lol she calls him dumbwad and everything is so cute and fun and then RICH GETS SHOT IN THE CHEST. Ngl, I gasped far louder in this moment than I even knew I was capable of. There was a split second of sheer, unadulterated panic before I remembered he’s going to be returning for multiple eps throughout the season and therefore has to be okay. But good lord that one second was an awful experience. I swear to god, if they do ever kill Rich then I’m out. I will walk away from this show, Gero, don’t think I won’t! And ugh the shock and horror on Patterson’s face-- for all he drives her crazy, he’s literally one of her best friends, and she’s already lost enough people around her. And then Kathy appears and even though she assures them (and us) that they’re just beanbag rounds, it’s still freaky as hell to see her shooting them both with a shotgun at point-blank range. My poor babies… Aaaand then they wake in a Saw-esque setting and ugh he pokes her so gently to wake her and they’re so cute when they’re kidnapped. Sounds like it’s a semi-regular occurrence for Rich, whose main concern is that he doesn’t get to be kidnapped anywhere fun lol. Aw, is someone using humour to make their friend feel less scared?  “And not the good kind of dungeon” haha. And then he goes for the door and she tries to stop him but too late, he gets zapped by a shock collar and lol my poor baby. “Oh my god, she’s gonna make us play the hunger games, isn’t she??” Which tbh would be pretty interesting between these two. I’m tempted to bet on Patterson as the winner, but then again, the first time we met Rich he did shoot a guy in the chest and was going to have Jeller killed as well, so tbh I think he shouldn’t be underestimated. But ugh it’s so cute that Patterson is desperately trying to get his collar off rather than her own, and then suddenly heeeeeeeere’s Kathy! Who is holding the collar remote threateningly in one hand while sweetly offering them snacks at the same time lol. Sh figured out it was them because of Rich showing off in interrogation and Patterson saying ‘opposite, opposite’ which I did think was a bit of a weird phrase to use lol. And ahhh Patterson calls him Rich and Kathy suddenly goes into Rich DotCom fangirl mode, and tbh I feel you on that one, sister. I would react the same. But now she’s ranting about them being brainwashed by the feds (lol at Rich telling Patterson that she did just sound like weller, awwww) and that she’s ‘saving’ them haha. Then suddenly she whips out a to-do list of hack-tivities, but instead of Robin Hood stuff, it’s more Sherriff of Nottingham stuff this time. Their arguments don’t work, which means it’s hack or zap….

Weller texts Patterson about dinner; everyone’s gathered at his and Jane’s place having drinks and hanging out and ugh they’re all so cute. And Jeller are so casually touchy and he calls her ‘my love’ and I’m seriously caught between finding that corny and super cute. Maybe both. Zapata’s playing Wizardville, which apparently Jane does too, and then they realise Reade must as well and lol Zapata’s innocent little ‘Reade?’ is so CUTE. Weller’s all “You too??” and yeppp, Sully has apparently forgotten what an American accent is haha. Oh well. I love that he goes and snuggles with Jane on the couch (aaawwwww) as they watch Zapata and Reade bicker like it’s a spectator sport hahaha. I love the sassiness omg.

Meanwhile Rich is perfecting his mime-in-a-box routine as he tries to figure out any gaps in their electric prison, and tbh that’s actually pretty brave? He probably got zapped at least a few times doing that. Patterson is trying to figure out how to get word back to the team, but Rich tells her that the only way they’ll get out of this is to go along with Kathy’s plan, because he has ‘a lot of experience with psychotic women who desire him sexually’ and lol at the disgust and annoyance on Patterson’s face and her “What is your point.” Yep, those are siblings right there.

The team are still being cute when Weller gets an email from Patterson saying she’s having dinner with Rich instead, but Zapata notices that it’s signed with her first name, WHICH NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY MENTION. TELL US THE DAMN NAME, YOU JERKS. So I guess that means that Patterson sneakily sent an email when Kathy wasn’t looking? I think that’s what they’re getting at, rather than Kathy covering her tracks by sending that to Weller so he won’t be concerned when Patterson doesn’t show up for dinner. I feel like Patterson totally has the skills to pull that off right under someone’s nose...

Back in the dungeon, the dynamic duo have picked some of the less harmful hacks to start with, including revealing some politician guy as a sex fiend (no surprises there), and Kathy gushes that watching them hack is like watching Picasso paint the Mona Lisa and lolll you can see Rich’s eyes narrow and he really wants to correct her but Patterson is already telling her to let them go, but nope Kathy wants them to crash Lowie’s private jet now, and wow she really seems to have it in for this guy. Also is it even possible to remotely crash a plane? But ohhhhhh crap, Kathy’s brother died in the train crash that Lowie caused. Well, that explains that. She tried to hand them the evidence to put him away, but now she’s taking matters into her own (or the 3 Blind Mice’s) hands. And Rich kinda seems to side with her a little bit after this revelation, causing Patterson to shoot him a look of betrayal and Kathy to beam at him. Oh man I really hope this is a ploy. Ugh Patterson is basically pleading with him not to help Kathy, to stay on their team, the good guy team, and then Kathy zaps her and ugh he’s immediately on his feet but knows he can’t do anything. He has to roll with this if he’s to save either of them and ugh I love himmmmm???

The team is at the office, trying to track down their missing buddies. Again Zapata is the one to see the clue-- the IP address the email came from is in antarctica, just like Kathy’s earlier hacks. They discover Kathy got out on bail, and then that both Patterson and Rich’s cars were found in Brooklyn. I love that they all practically run for the exit. I wonder if they’re remembering the last time Patterson was kidnapped, aka the only unlikable episode of season one?? Better hurry team, go save them! And lol conveniently they find out every place she’s ever worked and one of those happens to be an old zoo, and therefore a nice private place to keep prisoners. How lucky for them….

Poor Patterson is bound and gagged and tries to cry “Rich, no!” as he successfully hacks the jet and sets it on its collision course with the ocean.  Or its fake collision course, I hope. And ugh then he and Kathy are dining together and okay why does she respond ‘kinda’ when he asks if it’s foie gras? Is she pulling a Hannibal Lecter rn??? Also I love the little red glow of the collar through his napkin lol. And then there’s a perimeter breach and Kathy is starting to freak out and so checks on the plane, only to see that it landed safely and Patterson looks at Rich in shock and HE WINKS AT HER. Look at my baby all grown up and fighting on the side of good with his lil FBI family who he lovessssss. Ughhh save me. And then omg she flips out and literally smashes the wine bottle over his head and I gasped super loud again bc do you know how hard those things are???? Ugh both Patterson and I are so worried for our bestie Rich, but meanwhile Kathy hacks the team’s car and tries to crash them?? I love their super synchronized dives out of the car lol. And then omg she literally sets everything on fire while crying over their ruined friendship hahahaha. Tbh I’d be pretty devastated if Patterson and Rich didn’t want to be friends with me too lol…. And then omgggg she is literally about to shoot Rich and Patterson tackles her, saving his life and causing herself to be electrocuted. THAT IS FAMILY RIGHT THERE. I hope Rich someday acknowledges what she did for him just then, bc ugh it was everythinggggg. Thankfully the team is there and Reade is clever enough to order Jane to find a fusebox. I love the tasks each of the team takes-- Jane cuts the power, saving Patterson, Reade arrests Kathy, Weller helps Patterson up and is checking her over all concerned, and Zapata FLICKS RICH until he comes around hahahaha. “He’s fine” lol. I love that she’s all blase about it but they would have been genuinely upset if he was seriously injured. Pretend all you like, I know you care!!

Back at base, the rest of the team calls Rich and Patterson into the conference room to tell them that Hirst wants the other mice caught, but Kathy is refusing to give up names (‘she’s a mouse, not a rat’ hahahaha), and when Reade asks why she kidnapped them, Patterson answers that she was a huge Rich DotCom fangirl, which is technically a true statement. Rich says he didn’t know that was even a thing, which is a completely untrue statement haha. And then Reade says how lucky it is that there’s no evidence whatsoever to point to who the other two are because if he knew who they were he would have to prosecute them and ugh the team has clearly agreed that this is a ‘what happens in the team stays in the team’ situation and then even literally discuss how these tattoos are about them as a group, that Roman wants to expose their secrets specifically. But they have no idea why. (Punishing Jane, no?)

Naw look at this domestic Jeller. Jane is cooking her implausible vegan lasagne, and then Kurt tells her he loves her like ten times, which is super cute but still in an Australian accent!! Sully, c’mon, lol. But ugh he runs to the shower and wants her to join and lord I do love me some established relationship… but then of course lil bro has to call and cockblock, and ugh poor Jane is so upset about how things are between them but he’s all ‘grrrrrr must punish you for making me sad grrrrrrr’ and sigh I look forward to a little bit of character growth on his part lol

Oooh Patterson calls Reade and Zapata in to the lab to listen to the Kinga recording that they got, and finds out that it's been doctored, meaning someone is hiding something. And also, through magical genius means, she figured out the tattoo that Stuart was working on relates to Van Gogh’s famous self portrait. Which is super confusing until the next scene where an ominous man threatens the Kinga CEO never to talk about doctoring the recordings, and turns away, revealing… DUN DUN DUN….. he’s missing an ear. Ooooooooohhhhh intrigue. Who is Creepy Van Gogh and what does he want with the team????

[kaygun]

Document Summarization via Nonnegative Matrix Factorization

Description of the problem

Assume we have a matrix $A$ of size $n\times m$ which consists of nonnegative entries. We want to write $A$ as a product $A = BC$ where $B$ has size $n\times k$ and $C$ has size $k\times m$ where $k$ is much smaller than both $n$ and $m$. We also want $B$ and $C$ to consist nonnegative entries. This problem is called nonnegative matrix factorization.

We can think of this problem as an optimization problem where the error function is $$ err(B,C) = \sum_{i,j,\ell} |a_{ij}-b_{i\ell}c_{\ell j}| $$ with a postivity constraint on the entries of $B$ and $C$. I wrote about this before here and here. Today, I am going to apply this to a problem coming from natural language processing.

Nonnegative Matrix Decomposition and Document Summarization

Assume we have a text, and we write a matrix $A$ whose rows are labeled with the sentences appearing in the text and whose columns are labeled with the words appearing in the text. For a (sentence,word)-pair the corresponding entry in the matrix is 1 if the word appears in the sentence, and the entry is 0 otherwise. Dividing each row by the sum of the terms in that row, we convert these 1's and 0's to a probability distribution: in the new matrix for a (sentence,word)-pair the corresponding entry is the probability that that word appears in that sentence.

If we apply the nonnegative matrix factorization to this matrix we get two matrices $B$ and $C$ with nonnegative entries such that $A = BC$. Now, I will use the following hypothesis: a topic is a specific probability distribution over the set of all words appearing in a text. Thus such a decomposition tries to identify k-many topics that one can associate with the text at hand. While $B$ measures how much of each sentence belongs to a topic, $C$ measures the same thing for each word.

An Implementation

I am going to re-cycle the code I wrote in my earlier posts: one for Latent Semantic Analysis to get the relevant matrix from a document, and another for Nonnegative Matrix Decomposition in clojure:

First, let us define our namespace with the necessary libraries:

(ns summary (:import opennlp.tools.sentdetect.SentenceDetector opennlp.tools.sentdetect.SentenceDetectorME opennlp.tools.sentdetect.SentenceModel opennlp.tools.stemmer.PorterStemmer java.io.File) (:require [clojure.string :as st] [clojure.core.matrix :as cm] [clatrix.core :as cc]) (:gen-class))

Now, let us write the functions that create the matrix $A$ from a given document:

(defn bag-of-words [sentence stemmer stop-words] {sentence (as-> sentence $ (st/lower-case $) (st/replace $ #"[^\s\p{Isletter}]" "") (st/split $ #"\s+") (filter #(not (stop-words %)) $) (map #(.stem stemmer %) $) (into #{} $))}) (defn get-matrix [sentences detector stemmer stop-words] (let [raw (into {} (mapcat #(bag-of-words % stemmer stop-words) sentences)) ws (->> (vals raw) (reduce concat) (into #{}) (into [])) n (count sentences) m (count ws) A (cc/zeros m n)] (doseq [i (range n)] (doseq [w (get raw (nth sentences i))] (cc/set A (.indexOf ws w) i 1))) A))

#'summary/bag-of-words #'summary/get-matrix

For the matrix decomposition, first I need the error function and a random matrix function:

(defn cost-fn [A B] (->> (cm/sub A B) (cm/to-vector) (map (fn [x] (* x x))) (reduce +))) (defn random-matrix [n m] (as-> (repeatedly rand) $ (take (* n m) $) (cm/reshape $ [n m])))

#'summary/cost-fn #'summary/random-matrix

Now, the matrix decomposition code:

(defn nnmd [D k cost-fn epocs tol rate] (let [n (cm/row-count D) m (cm/column-count D) s (* n m)] (loop [W (random-matrix n k) H (random-matrix k m) i epocs c tol] (if (or (= i 0) (< c tol)) [W H i c] (let [u (cm/reshape (take s (repeat 1)) [n m]) Wt (cm/transpose W) Ht (cm/transpose H) et (cm/mul rate (cm/div W (cm/mmul u Ht))) mu (cm/mul rate (cm/div H (cm/mmul Wt u))) temp (cm/sub (cm/div D (cm/mmul W H)) u)] (recur (cm/add W (cm/mul et (cm/mmul temp Ht))) (cm/add H (cm/mul mu (cm/mmul Wt temp))) (dec i) (/ (cost-fn D (cm/mmul W H)) s)))))))

#'summary/nnmd

So, let us test:

(def summary (let [sd (SentenceDetectorME. (SentenceModel. (File. "resources/en-sent.bin"))) stemmer (PorterStemmer.) sentences (->> (slurp "data/textc") (.sentDetect sd) (into [])) stop-words (as-> (slurp "resources/remove-en") $ (st/replace $ #"\p{IsPunctuation}" "") (st/split $ #"\s+") (into #{} $)) matrix (get-matrix sentences sd stemmer stop-words) [W H i c] (cc/t (nnmd matrix 3 cost-fn 2000 1e-2 1e-2)) weights (cc/matrix W)] (map (fn [s w] {:sentence s :weight w}) sentences weights)))

Topic 1 Topic 2 Topic 3 Sentence 0.00 0.18 0.36 The Obama administration has backed down in its bitter dispute with Silicon Valley over the encryption of data on iPhones and other digital devices, concluding that it is not possible to give American law enforcement and intelligence agencies access to that information without also creating an opening that China, Russia, cybercriminals and terrorists could exploit. 0.00 0.00 0.18 With its decision, which angered the FBI and other law enforcement agencies, the administration essentially agreed with Apple, Google, Microsoft and a group of the nation’s top cryptographers and computer scientists that millions of Americans would be vulnerable to hacking if technology firms and smartphone manufacturers were required to provide the government with “back doors,” or access to their source code and encryption keys. 0.00 0.18 0.00 Companies like Apple say they are protecting their customers’ information by resisting government demands for access to text messages. 0.00 0.18 0.00 A standoff has grown between the sides as the companies have embraced tougher encryption. 0.00 0.18 0.00 Peter G Neumann, a computer security pioneer, says “there are more vulnerabilities than ever. 0.00 0.00 0.18 Security experts like Richard A. Clarke, the former White House counterterrorism czar, also signed the letter to Obama. 0.00 0.00 0.18 That would enable the government to see messages, photographs and other data now routinely encrypted on smartphones. 0.00 0.00 0.18 Current technology puts the keys for access to the information in the hands of the individual user, not the companies. 0.00 0.75 0.87 The first indication of the retreat came on Thursday, when the FBI director, James B Comey, told the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee that the administration would not seek legislation to compel the companies to create such a portal. 0.00 0.18 0.18 But the decision, made at the White House a week ago, goes considerably beyond that. 0.19 0.00 0.00 While the administration said it would continue to try to persuade companies like Apple and Google to assist in criminal and national security investigations, it determined that the government should not force them to breach the security of their products. 0.79 0.93 0.65 In essence, investigators will have to hope they find other ways to get what they need, from data stored in the cloud in unencrypted form or transmitted over phone lines, which are covered by a law that affects telecommunications providers but not the technology giants. 0.00 0.18 0.00 Mr Comey had expressed alarm a year ago after Apple introduced an operating system that encrypted virtually everything contained in an iPhone. 0.00 0.00 0.18 What frustrated him was that Apple had designed the system to ensure that the company never held on to the keys, putting them entirely in the hands of users through the codes or fingerprints they use to get into their phones. 0.38 0.00 0.00 As a result, if Apple is handed a court order for data — until recently, it received hundreds every year — it could not open the coded information. 0.19 0.00 0.18 Mr Comey compared that system to the creation of a door no law officers could enter, or a car trunk they could not unlock. 0.19 0.00 0.00 His concern about what the FBI calls the “going dark” problem received support from the director of the National Security Agency and other intelligence officials. 0.19 0.00 0.00 But after a year of study and extensive White House debate, President Obama and his advisers have reached a broad conclusion that an effort to compel the companies to give the government access would fail, both politically and technologically. 0.95 0.00 0.73 “This looks promising, but there’s still going to be tremendous pressure from law enforcement,” said Peter G Neumann, one of the nation’s leading computer scientists and a co-author of a paper that examined the government’s proposal for special access. 0.19 0.18 0.00 “The N.S.A. is capable of dealing with the cryptography for now, but law enforcement is going to have real difficulty with this. 0.19 0.00 0.00 This is never a done deal.” 0.19 0.00 0.00 In the paper, released in July, Mr Neumann and other top cryptographers and computer scientists argued that there was no way for the government to have a back door into encrypted communications without creating an opening that would be exploited by Chinese and Russian intelligence agents, cybercriminals and terrorist groups. 0.00 0.00 0.18 Inside the White House, the Office of Science and Technology Policy came largely to the same conclusion. 0.19 0.00 0.00 Those determinations surprised the FBI and local law enforcement officials, who had believed just months ago that the White House would ultimately embrace their efforts. 0.00 0.16 1.29 The intelligence agencies were less vocal, which may reflect their greater capability to search for and gather information. 0.00 0.18 0.00 The National Security Agency spends vast sums to get around digital encryption, and it has tools and resources that local law enforcement officials still do not have and most likely never will. 0.38 0.00 0.00 Disclosures by the former N.S.A. contractor Edward J. Snowden showed the extent of the agency’s focus on cracking and circumventing the encryption of digital communications, including those of Apple, Facebook, Google and Yahoo users. 0.00 0.00 0.18 There were other motivations for the administration’s decision. 0.19 0.00 0.00 Mr Obama and his aides had come to fear that the United States could set a precedent that China and other nations would emulate, requiring Apple, Google and the rest of America’s technology giants to provide them with the same access, officials said. 0.38 0.00 0.00 Timothy D Cook, the chief executive of Apple, sat at the head table with Mr Obama and Xi Jinping, the Chinese president, at a state dinner at the White House last month. 0.19 0.00 0.00 According to government officials and industry executives, Mr Cook told Mr Obama that the Chinese were waiting for an opportunity to seize on administration action to insist that Apple devices, which are also encrypted in China, be open to Beijing’s agents. 0.00 0.00 0.18 In January, three months after Mr Comey began pressing companies for special government access, Chinese officials had threatened to do just that: They considered submitting foreign companies to invasive audits and requiring them to build back doors into their hardware and software. 0.00 0.18 0.00 Those rules have not been put into effect. 0.00 0.18 0.00 The Obama administration’s position was also undercut by officials’ inability to keep their own data safe from Chinese hackers, as shown by the extensive cyberattack at the Office of Personnel Management discovered this year. 0.00 0.18 0.18 That breach, and its aftermath, called into question whether the government could keep the keys to the world’s communications safe from its adversaries in cyberspace. 0.15 0.46 0.29 White House officials said they would continue trying to persuade technology companies to help them in investigations, but they did not specify how. 0.00 0.18 0.00 “As the president has said, the United States will work to ensure that malicious actors can be held to account, without weakening our commitment to strong encryption,” said Mark Stroh, a spokesman for the National Security Council. 0.38 0.00 0.00 “As part of those efforts, we are actively engaged with private companies to ensure they understand the public safety and national security risks that result from malicious actors’ use of their encrypted products and services. 0.00 0.00 0.18 However, the administration is not seeking legislation at this time.” 0.00 1.05 0.74 But here in Silicon Valley, executives did not think the government’s announcement went far enough. 0.00 0.00 0.18 According to administration officials and technology executives, Mr Cook of Apple has pressed the White House for a clear statement that it will never seek a back door in any form, legislative or technical — a statement he hoped to take to Beijing, Moscow and even London. 0.00 0.18 0.00 Prime Minister David Cameron of Britain has threatened to ban encrypted devices and services, like the iPhone and Facebook’s popular WhatsApp messaging service, but has done nothing so far to make good on that threat. 0.19 0.00 0.00 Technology executives are determined to reassure customers abroad that American intelligence agencies are not reading their digital communications. 0.00 0.14 0.22 It is an effort driven by economics: 64 percent of Apple’s revenue originates overseas. 0.00 0.00 0.18 Apple, Google, Facebook and Microsoft argue that people put not only their conversations but their entire digital lives — medical records, tax returns, bank accounts — into a device that slips into their pocket. 0.00 0.00 0.37 While Mr Obama has repeatedly said he is sympathetic to the concerns of law enforcement officials, he made clear during a visit to Silicon Valley in February that he was also aware of privacy concerns and that he sought to balance both interests. 0.00 0.00 0.18 Technologists responded that, with regard to encryption, no such balance existed. 0.00 0.00 0.18 “The real problem is, I don’t see any middle ground for dumbing down everything to make special access possible and having the secure systems we need for commerce, government and everything else,” Mr Neumann said.

In this example, the third topic seems promising. If we take only the sentences of weight 0.3 and higher we get

The Obama administration has backed down in its bitter dispute with Silicon Valley over the encryption of data on iPhones and other digital devices, concluding that it is not possible to give American law enforcement and intelligence agencies access to that information without also creating an opening that China, Russia, cybercriminals and terrorists could exploit. The first indication of the retreat came on Thursday, when the FBI director, James B Comey, told the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee that the administration would not seek legislation to compel the companies to create such a portal. In essence, investigators will have to hope they find other ways to get what they need, from data stored in the cloud in unencrypted form or transmitted over phone lines, which are covered by a law that affects telecommunications providers but not the technology giants. “This looks promising, but there’s still going to be tremendous pressure from law enforcement,” said Peter G Neumann, one of the nation’s leading computer scientists and a co-author of a paper that examined the government’s proposal for special access. The intelligence agencies were less vocal, which may reflect their greater capability to search for and gather information. But here in Silicon Valley, executives did not think the government’s announcement went far enough. While Mr Obama has repeatedly said he is sympathetic to the concerns of law enforcement officials, he made clear during a visit to Silicon Valley in February that he was also aware of privacy concerns and that he sought to balance both interests.

[fuck-customers]

This is gonna be a long one but I'm not sorry (tldr @ end)

So I work for a pet care company. We take care of people's houses/pets when they go on vacation or even when they are at work and want their dogs to go outside during the day. This hell client looked a lot like our normal ones. I live in an urbanizing area so super rich white neighborhoods are popping up out of nowhere. I pull up to the house to meet the client and the pets so they can show me where everything is and the dogs routines n shit. No big deal I have to do this with every new client and it's typically my specialty. But when I pull up to the house I see not one, not two, but three trump signs sitting in their front yard and I know I'm in for a rough one. I make it into the house and so far the family seemed really normal while they're showing me their dog and what he needed during the day. I looked at our online database just to be sure we had everything recorded (vet numbers, food names in case we need to buy more) and there was nothing there?? I asked the mom of the dog where her information was (we ask clients to make their own profile with what kind of dog they have, it's name, where and what it's food is, etc) and she said she couldn't fill it out bc it didn't work on her phone. I explained to her that our website is not mobile friendly and that she needs to use a computer to put in all her info ( it says it on the top of the screen so idk how she missed it). Cue her yelling at me about how she doesn't use her computer and what kind of shit company are we if we can't make a good mobile site. I asked her to calm down and call our office to help her get through the process bc I was not about to deal with that shit and it's easier to pawn her off on the other similar aged white lady's who run the office. Thankfully most everything else went pretty quickly. So I'm packing up all my papers and forms and the dad says he has one last question for me "have you ever had anyone come up to a clients door after you left, impersonating you to gain access to a house?" Let me tell you this is by far the weirdest fucking question I've ever been asked about my job. Like??? I'm a dog walker not the fucking FBI??? So I just stood there after he said that, a little stunned, and he said if anyone did that he would "just shoot them" and then he asked if I would also require keys to his gun safe along with his house keys. Needless to say, I left as soon as I could. So I go to their house during my visit time (we have time slots for certain visits and these people asked for middays which are between 11 and 2) take their dog for a walk, sent a text and picture to the clients number that she gave us, fed him, checked off the visit in our system, locked up the house and left. About an hour or so later I get a call from the office asking if I've done the visit! I told them yes and I checked off the visit in our system and sent the client a text with a photo as proof! This bitch called the office, told them I was an awful employee who never showed up to take care of their dog, insulted them, and that she was gonna sue us. Our system records my location when I check off a visit so the office showed her that I was physically in the house! She said that I falsified it! And when they asked if she ever received my text she said she didn't check her phone during the day but she just had a feeling that I was gonna let their dog die! Thankfully I'm family friends with my boss and they believed me over her so we dropped them as a client and returned their keys. Tl; dr: asshole dog mom has a """feeling""" that I would let their dog die, tries to sue my company, and won't accept photographic and gps evidence that I was in her house and took care of the dog.