#bc I’m new to having people in my own space/car and it RULES

[binders-and-beanies]

Also when you listen to unconventional music it’s like. You have a societal obligation to constantly listen to music you don’t like, and be polite about it. But god forbid someone hears a snippet of something that means the world to you and they can shit all over it and you have to be polite about that too lol. Nothing is made for you except in spaces that your community specifically creates for that purpose and that’s BEAUTIFUL but it’s isolating

[iamanartichoke]

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]

I need to talk about the Avengers. 

I just want to express how much I hate that the Avengers aren’t on the hook for all their time travel nonsense bc they were “supposed to” do it and Loki is on the hook bc he wasn’t. 

I mean, I am glad that they addressed it right away - that Loki was inadvertantly caught up in the Avengers' time meddling, and that apparently they were doing what they were supposed to and that's why none of them were on trial, but - there are two things going on here that I have issue with. One is, of course, the scapegoating of Loki once a-fucking-gain, but the other is that there's a legitimate problem inherent in framing the Avengers' deeds as The Right Thing So There Are No Consequences, especially because it directly leads to Loki (and only Loki) being scapegoated since, apparently, someone's got to answer for all of this. 

Why Were The Avengers Supposed to Undo the Snap?? 

Of all the possible options they could have gone with (such as reversing time back to just before the Snap happened), going back through time to gather the stones and use them to undo things five years later is, like, one of the worst?? Best case scenario, it implies that the TVA is ridiculously incompetent in managing the sacred timeline and worst case scenario, it implies that the TVA is ridiculously adept in managing the sacred timeline, if their goal is to have it be the worst possible timeline anyone could end up in. 

The Avengers may have done an arguably good thing in undoing the Snap - I don't disagree that those people should've lived - but they also royally fucked over a lot of things in the process and left Earth (and presumably many many other worlds) in total post-Snap chaos while fucking off to die be with their families and/or start new lives. 

This goes back to the plan itself. One of my many issues with Endgame is that not only is the plan convoluted and, frankly, stupid, but also I have a real problem with the concept of the Avengers just saving the world as they see fit, regardless of whether or not that's actually the best thing to do. (If the Russos hadn't done such a shit job with explaining what the Accords were actually supposed to do, then maybe this could have been addressed somehow - like, okay, together we may have the brains and resources to carry off this plan but does that mean we're the ultimate authority on whether or not we should? Maybe we should check with, like, the UN or something about this? [and it’s entirely possible the UN was mentioned and I have forgotten it bc I’ll be honest, I watched Endgame once and have bitched about it ever since.] I digress.) 

The narrative in Endgame and into the MCU beyond plays like the Avengers only care about saving the world when they stand to personally gain from it (they want their friends and family back, they want to feel like they didn't fail, they have unilaterally decided that what they want is the Best Thing for everyone) and once the Good Deed is done and the smoke clears from the battlefield, there's no concern with saving the mess of the world they created. 

TFatWS addressed so many of the problems with the post-reverse-Snap, which implies that the MCU (both in-universe and out) is aware that things are fucked up now. People's lives were literally ruined by what the Avengers did. Refugees are displaced. Humans are coming back to a world where they've been dead for five years and their loved ones have moved on and their homes have been sold and their bank accounts have been closed and they have no jobs. And that’s just on Earth. Yet no one (again, both in-universe and out) feels the need to hold the Avengers accountable for any of this. 

Plus, what about the people who died as a result of the Snap but not from the Snap directly? What about the planes that fell from the sky when the pilots turned to dust? The cars that crashed and collided when the drivers poofed? Etc. Like, fuck all of those people I guess? 

And who, exactly, is "supposed to" clean up the Avengers' mess now that the actual Avengers are either dead, old and living on the moon, or retired? Is it on Sam's shoulders alone (or, rather, Sam and Bucky's)? Is Peter Parker (yknow, the 15 year old Nick Fury went and recruited bc there was no one else) supposed to be fixing things? 

The TVA takes responsibility for none of this. They sit back in their nightmare DMV-esque office and claim that all is as it should be but my question remains: please explain to me how the outcome of the post-Snap universe is ultimately satisfactory to anyone besides the Avengers? 

There's also the fact that Loki figures out right away that the Avengers were engaging in some time travel shenanigans ("the cologne of two Tony Starks is hard to miss” lmfao Loki you snarky shit). Loki recognizes that there's been an opportunity created of which he can take advantage, but he isn't responsible for creating it. The Avengers messed up and created that opportunity so, even if they were supposed to be doing what they were doing, there are still no consequences for the fact that they made a mistake that allowed Loki to then branch off and create a new timeline. 

Let's also say that we accept that the Avengers were supposed to undo the Snap exactly as they did. Okay, sure. BUT: 

- Was Steve, then, also supposed to decide to fuck back off to the 1940s and marry Peggy (which created two Steves, right? The one who was married to Peggy all along and the one who was in the ice?? The TVA is just okay with two Steves?)? 

- What is the actual point of Stephen Strange having the time stone and using the time stone both to gain the advantage over Darmammushumuuyourmom (I’m sorry, I can’t remember his real name) and to look at all the possible timelines to figure out how to defeat Thanos? 

- How is it possible that there are 14 million potential timelines in which the Avengers failed if the TVA’s entire thing is that there can only be one true ring timeline to rule them all? The fact that Stephen can look ahead and determine so many outcomes based on the choices they're making would mean that people do have free will and that their actions aren't automatically dictated by what's “supposed to” happen. They had to make the right choices in order to get to the one timeline in which Thanos failed. 

- What’s the point of Stephen having to protect the time stone, anyway, if there are presumably a few others in Casey’s drawer?

- On that note, if there are a lot of infinity stones hanging around in the TVA’s desk drawers, what makes the original six the specific, correct ones that Thanos had to collect in order to pull off the Snap and why is it then those specific six the ones that the Avengers had permission to go back through time to get in order to undo the Snap as the Timekeepers intended?

- And actually, in fact, if there’s only one sacred timeline and anyone who fucks it up without permission gets “reset” (aka made nonexistent, along with their timeline branch) then, again, why does Stephen have to protect the time stone? Either anyone who steals it was supposed to, or their timeline gets eliminated and the theft ceases to matter. 

- Less significant but also still kinda significant is how Agents of SHIELD figures into all of this. The TVA knows that Loki killed Coulson but they don't know (or don't care?) that Coulson was brought back to life and proceeded, with his team, to go on and get heavily involved in time travel and going back and forth and bringing people from the past into the present? So the TVA is okay with Daniel Sousa leaving his timeline but not with Loki leaving his? 

... I have literally confused myself with all of this, so if anyone followed my train of thought here, congratulations and maybe you can explain it to me lmao. 

But here's my ultimate point: the sacred timeline that the TVA is tasked with maintaining is not sensical or linear. It's full of gaps and holes and people taking matters into their own hands to determine both their own fates and the fates of others. As a result, a lot of people suffer kinda needlessly based on the events in said timeline, and apparently it's perfectly fine for all of this nonsense to occur so that everyone else has some element of control - 

- but Loki is literally the only one who is told uh, actually, no, you are supposed to live a shitty life and die a pointless death and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it bc it's supposed to happen. 

What in the actual fuck kind of logic is that??? 

Thus, either the TVA (and the Timekeepers) are grossly incompetent, or else they're extremely competent and also really fucking shitty beings who just enjoy the needless suffering of others. 

And somehow this is all Loki's fault!!

And then Mobius has the fucking audacity to say, to Loki's face, “you only exist to prop up everyone else and you, Loki Odinsonson Laufeyson mischief god and king of space lol, do not have any inherent worth or value as your own person. You were born to be a scapegoat and you will die a scapegoat and there's no getting around that, if we have anything to say about it.”

To quote Loki, in a very twisted way - yes, it's funny. It's absurd. 

Does, uh, does this make sense? At some point I crossed over from meta-writing into straight up ranting and so, well, here we are. 

[ateezaligned]

How OnlyOneOf portrayed queer relationships and dynamics in libidO, w a hint of good ol’ yearning

(disclaimer: this strictly about the mv and in no way I’m implying these dynamics are translated to real life and their friendships if u suggest that ill kick you, don’t ship real ppl romantically pls)

The storyline of Instinct pt. 1 tell us this album is focused on self-discovery and how young people repress their “urges”, but the way all three subplots play with this concept is super fascinating!

The KB/Yoojung situation (which is my favorite subplot!!): From my point of view, Yoojung and KB show a relationship that is just blossoming. The song starts with tying up Yoojung’s hands, he is being contained, and his lyrics are literally “I’m attracted for no reason”, now I looked up other translations besides the original and it also has to do with being ‘pulled’, like Yoojung is being pulled into this relationship for ‘no reason’, he thinks he needs one to fall in love with another man. Rationalizing your feelings is a way to separate yourself from them. Therefore, Yoojung plays the more hesitant part, he overthinks, his super ego policing strongly what he feels.

On the other hand, KB is seen initiating most of the physical contact between them, and he does it in a way that makes it easy for Yoojung to pull back if he doesn’t want it. KB is also always at least an arm away, inside a comfortable space for Yoojung to reach for him if he wants to. In their first scene of close contact, Yoojung is the one laying his head on KB’s shoulder, and he keeps control of their closeness throughout the whole video, despite KB breaking it with the soft touches we see, such as fixing Yoojung’s hair or putting his hand on his shoulder in the beach scene. And all this gentle-ness contrasts so well, bc we also see KB’s character initiating contact with others! He pulls Junji for a hug when both of them are shirtless and he does it so nonchalantly! It’s obvious he is okay with /more/, but he respects Yoojung’s boundaries and never pushes.

The scooter scene is great, bc we can see Yoojung hugging and pressing their thighs and putting his hands in the air, he feels more carefree, he was able to get past his own inhibitions and it’s so great to see.

So Yoojung and KB's is like a first relationship: you are stepping on eggshells, you don’t know what you’re doing or looking for. A lot of queer people start dating into adulthood, and even with previous ‘straight’ dating experience, everything is so incredibly new! And it’s great but also anxiety inducing and frustrating.

Then, there’s Rie and Junji. A thing I found incredibly interesting is that in every scene of them (except two) they’re already in contact. In the car they’re holding hands, and when they’re hugging and eating lollipops, and back to back in the basketball court, we don’t know who started it, but it doesn’t matter because Junji and Rie are equals and stand on the same ground of mutual love, respect and experience, they’re having fun and smiling at one another, even when they’re playing basketball face to face, their eyes are on each other and its playful and great. Rie has one of the best lyrics in the song that is “I trust youand I accept it”. Junji and Rie don’t need to fight their instincts, really, because they know everything is reciprocated and their libido (not as in sexual drive but as in life energy) is matched in the other, they have trust over everything else, and this can also be shown in the only scene where Rie lays his head on Junji’s back, he’s supporting himself on his partner and Junji accepts it because relationships aren’t only fun but also healing and giving someone a place to rest. And Junji does his part and bandages Rie’s wounds, which @henlex pointed out as a Achilles and Patroclus reference, being these basically the top tier of gay love and companionship, when Patroclus died (represented by Rie), Achilles dies avenging him, asking for their ashes to be mixed so they could be forever one. So yeah, let’s yearn for something like this gays.

Finally, the trio. They’re the first ones to have their solo scenes, and you can see Love in the bathtub, he is naked and exposed, playing with some rosemary leaves (yeah I went to someone and asked them if they recognised the plant leave me alone). Rosemary used to be given to Aphrodite bc it was used as an aphrodisiac. It also represents fidelity. Yeah. So Love is playing with fidelity, basically. Many thoughts were thought.

Then, Nine and Mill are a continuous contrast throughout the mv. While Nine is inside and laying on the floor, cozy and reading, Mill stands outside in the garden looking at the window. I’ve said it before but I think it’s really important the way Mill’s character portrays one of the harsher parts of queerness that is that “other-ness”. You’re just an observant, and you want in and to be yourself with your friends and participate in those rituals, but something inside you doesn’t allow you to. In here, though, is not just ‘I want to identify with my straight friends’ but ‘I want to be free like these other gays, why can’t I do it?’.

Nine and Love’s relationship doesn’t really show a lot of romantic moments, in fact, I can’t really think about something between them that was, intimate and sensual? yes, but not romantic. Which is completely okay. Sex is not something bad, and gay sex is constantly demonized. Casual sex is okay and sex with friends and whatever, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, sex is okay. So to me, Love and Nine are friends, the arm around the neck seemed casual and natural, they’re comfortable with each other, and they’re also comfortable with mill, as shown in the creek scene. They didn’t mind the audience (yeah this sounds kinky ik), both nine and love are pushing the boundaries, unlike kb. But pushing isn’t always wrong, per se.

Nine starts with the lyrics “leave it, libido, we’re like roots (…) mixing together with no rules”, while Love sings “don’t suppress it just accept it”. Both nine and love are clear with their intentions and instincts, their subconscious is not their enemy in any way, since both of them accept the relationship they have.

Meanwhile, Mill battles with his libido, but it’s not like Yoojung who has a partner that actually loves him, if Mill takes the chance and jumps, he doesn’t know where he is going to land. In the whole video, not even once Mill touches someone else, even if he desperately wants to (Yongsoo did a great acting work I’m still so amazed!!). The yearning and pining over Love, who pulls him in and gazes at him, is such a good concept, because even if Love is giving him all the signals that there is (he is with another boy openly, allows close contact and shows himself in front of mill), Mill will still doubt himself and what he is doing. Hesitation and all, he takes a leap of faith in that one scene where he approaches Nine and Love, and keeps eye contact.

Now here is where the controversial crotch grabbing scene comes, and both Love and Nine sing. They say they’re walking over shallow water, so it’s not risky, they’re not gonna drown, and there’s no one around and they just “keep walking”. They do their thing with no care of what others may think. But also, Nine asks “what you need?” And “why can’t you see the light over there?” now, maybe after the whole no compromises he did catch feelings for Love, but Love, playing with fidelity as previously stated, answers “I’m gonna go where I feel like going”.

And then we have Mill’s rap. He talks about how this ‘experience’ can’t be compared to anything else but it’s an experiment. Now I know a thing or two about downplaying queer experiences, it isn’t unusual for gay ppl to look at things our younger selves did and think ‘how did I even passed as straight?’. Mill, even after saying it was just this experiment, says “you’re already putting a period, that doesn’t end things”. So, my guess, since after that we don’t see them directly interacting unlike the other couples, is that it all fell apart. Love, having the upper hand in the whole dynamic, didn’t have actual romantic feelings for any of the other boys, and he left them hanging.

While a bit heartbreaking, I think it’s important to point out that queer relationships are just like straight ones, and sometimes they end up in ruins, and it’s okay and its part of growing and discovering oneself!

So yeah, that’s my interpretation. This is like 1500 words. A whole essay. Hyperfixation is a bitch. I need a girlfriend.

[jewish-space-laser]

Miles & Black Coffee - Part One

“When you’re on a golden sea, You don’t need no memory, Just a place to call your own, As we drift into the zone...” 

-Island in the Sun by Weezer

Hello, and welcome to part one of M&BC! She’s split up into parts, a day late, and a bit rusty... but she’s here! It’ll be my first new piece of writing since I rejoined tumblr, so it’s a bit nerve-wracking. Thank you to Kate @andwhenshesays, Anne @oh-honey-styles, and Anna @for-fucks-sake-h for organizing this entire challenge, you’ve brought so much joy to our little tumblr community. We love you all dearly ♥️ (4.5k words)

xoxoxox Tile

Warnings: mild drinking, mild drug use (just weed)

You and Harry would never be friends. You were up and down, night and day, oil and water. You just didn’t mesh. He was your roommate’s insufferable older brother, and that is all he would ever be. Well, at least that’s what you thought before….

or

the one with campfire conversations, cabin getaways, and enemies that were never really enemies after all.

MONDAY

Pine trees and cornfields flew by in a blur as you stared out the window of your roommate’s minivan. Every once in a while, there’d be a pasture of cows or a horse ranch. It had been exciting at first, but now you were just bored. 

“How much longer?” You called over the music, trying to keep the whine from your voice. It had been hours since you left your apartment this morning, and you’d only stopped once to stretch your legs and take a bathroom break. 

“The GPS says we still have an hour and a half to go,” Callie groaned, stepping a bit harder on the gas pedal.

Normally, you loved road trips, but this particular drive was more cramped than you’d bargained for. There were seven girls packed into the van, and you’d been unfortunate enough to get squished into the backseat with your twin sister and her girlfriend, who hadn’t stopped with the obnoxious PDA since the car got on the freeway. 

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, trying to will away your nauseating carsickness. This week had been marked into your calendar for months, and you’d be damned if you let this god-awful car ride ruin it for you. 

Callie, your college roommate, had a cabin in northern Wisconsin that she’d been raving about for years. She’d been going there with her family for decades, every summer since pre-school, she’d said. According to her, it was a beautiful property, equipped with a private lakeside beach, fire pit, and a full bar. 

It was going to be the perfect getaway. You and Callie had rounded up all of your girlfriends, packed all of the essentials for a spa night, junk food, board games, movies. You’d packed four swimsuits just in case; the weather forecast looked fantastic, high seventies and low eighties all week long. 

It was going to be the perfect vacation. Well, almost perfect. 

Harry was going to be there.

Harry, the constant thorn in your side. Harry, Callie’s older brother. Harry, the one who eats all of your food whenever he visits. Harry, the one who constantly picked fights with you. You and him had never gotten along, not even for a second. 

There wasn’t a single person alive who got on your nerves more than he did. Generally, you got along with most people, but Harry was the exception to the rule. You couldn’t seem to shake him off. 

You weren’t about to let him ruin this trip, though. There were going to be fourteen people staying at the cabin, so it should be a piece of cake to avoid him for a week; there were plenty of other people to interact with. And even if you couldn’t avoid him, you were going to let his inevitable snarky comments roll off of your back. Well, you’d try to, at least.

Perhaps that’s what annoyed you most about him, the reaction you’d have from the smallest fight. With anyone else, it was water under the bridge… with Harry, you thought about it for days afterwards, thinking of better comebacks you should’ve said or ways you could have changed your schedule to steer clear of him altogether. He made your skin prickle with irritation, and turned you into somebody you didn’t like very much. 

It had been months since you’d seen him, not that you’d been keeping track. He typically visits Callie a few times a semester, but his senior year was more intense than he had anticipated, according to his sister. He just couldn’t spare the two hour drive from his university to yours.

But now it was summertime. Gone were the papers, projects, and responsibilities… it was finally time to relax and have fun. You only had one year of college left before graduation, so you and your friends wanted to make the most of it. Harry and his friends had just graduated, so they were at the cabin for their last hurrah before real life kicked in. 

If you were being honest with yourself, you were excited that Harry was bringing some of his frat brothers along. You and your ex had just ended things recently, and you were finally feeling ready to get back into the dating game. Being trapped in a cabin with a handful of cute guys felt like a dream. 

Finally, after what felt like centuries, Callie slowed the car down and turned onto a dirt road. The other girls in the car started desperately peering out the window to get a glimpse of the lake and surrounding forest. 

The moment the cabin came into view, your jaw dropped. You knew Callie’s parents were loaded, but this hardly looked like the rustic getaway you were expecting. There were three buildings, each labelled with a birch bark sign. Two speedboats and a pontoon were docked at the beach, inflatable tubes and paddleboards littered around the sand nearby. 

It wasn’t until Callie parked and shut off the engine that you heard a heavy bass thrum coming from the building marked MAIN CABIN. The other two buildings were labelled GUEST CABIN and SHOWER HOUSE. You were snapped out of it when Olivia and Jane, who had been sitting in the middle bucket seats, swung their sliding doors open and practically fell onto the ground. 

“I don’t think I remember how to walk normally,” Charlie, a girl from your art history class, groaned, “like, we were sitting in that car for so long….”

“Oh, shush,” your sister, Morgan, scoffed, “at least you got to sit up front. I was crammed into the back between these two.”

Both you and her girlfriend, Isobel, huffed in protest, but it wasn’t worth picking a fight over. You’d have plenty of time to bicker later. For now, the fresh air and cool breeze were like heaven after a long road trip.

“The boys beat us here,” Callie remarked.

Sure enough, there were two other cars already parked in the driveway. Back behind the main cabin, a plume of smoke rose into the air. You could hear loud laughter, loud enough to drown out the trap music they had playing. 

“They’ve started a bonfire!” Olivia squealed, clasping her hands in front of her chest. “I’m ready to get partying… it’s four in the afternoon and I’ve spent all day in a car. I need a drink.”

A few others were laughing and nodding in agreement, already making their way towards the boys, but you hung back. You’d party later, but after spending an entire day stuck with six other people, you just wanted to be alone. Plus, you wanted to drink tonight, and you’d never get around to unpacking your bag if you were wasted. 

You managed to dig your duffel bag out from the pile of luggage in the trunk, letting it fall to the ground with a thump. Callie had just been finishing up with a phone call when you looked up. 

“Hey, you’re not joining the others?” She asked. “I was about to head over, they’ve got a fire going. Just had to call my mum to let her know we made it.”

“I’ll join in a bit,” you promised “but I want to unpack my things first… where are we all staying?”

“You’re in the main cabin, I have you sharing a room with Charlie, is that okay?” She questioned. You nodded quickly, relief flooding over you. You liked all of the girls who came on the trip, but Charlie was by far the easiest to get along with. “Harry and I each have our own room in the main cabin, too, so you won’t be alone. Everyone else is in the guest cabin, though.”

“The guest cabin,” you giggled, slinging your bag over your shoulder as Callie lead you into the main building, “this place is swanky, Cal.”

“We host all of our family reunions here,” she shrugged, “we need lots of space. Plus it’s fun for occasions like this… we’re just lucky my dad is letting us use the boats. He treats those things like they’re his own children, only Harry is allowed to drive them this week.”

You made a face at the mention of her brother. “I’ll be staying far away from the boats, then.”

“Oh god,” Callie groaned, “I know you two don’t get along very well, but please try to be civil… we’re here for a whole week, after all.”

“I’m always civil,” you protested innocently, “it’s him you need to worry about.”

“Always civil,” she scoffed, “we both know that’s not true, but I’ll let it slide.”

Okay, so maybe you had a slight temper when it came to Harry, but nine times out of ten, he was the one who started the argument. You were never the type to actively seek out conflict, but Harry seemed to thrive off of it. Whether it was eating all the food from your half of the fridge, throwing his dark blue t-shirt in with your load of whites, or playing his guitar in your living room until three in the morning when you had a test the next day… it felt like he was out to get you. 

And he was never apologetic. Of course not. He probably got off on watching steam blow from your ears. 

You took a deep breath as Callie led you up a wooden staircase, trying not to let yourself get worked up. The cabin was gorgeous from what you’d seen on the main floor. Though you hadn’t lingered, you’d noticed that there was a bookshelf that took up an entire wall, packed to the brim with books with faded spines, vinyl records with worn edges, and an assortment of candles and bookends sprinkled throughout randomly. You couldn’t wait to explore the entire property. 

Photographs lined the walls of every hallway, snapshots of Harry and Callie running around as kids. There was a hilarious picture of a young Harry crying as he held a fishing pole, a bare hook dangling from the line. The Styles family clearly had a great sense of humor. You made a mental note to take a photo of it on your phone later; it would be perfect ammo for the next fight that Harry would inevitably start. 

“This is the bathroom…” she drawled, “no shower though. We all just use the shower house, which isn’t really as bad as it sounds. Just make sure you bring clothes with you, otherwise you’ll have to walk across the lawn in just your towel.”

You grimaced at the thought. As she continued to lead you down the hall, you saw two doors, one with CALLIE’S ROOM written in bright pink bubble letters, and the second with a wooden plaque, the word HARRY written in what was clearly a child’s handwriting. 

“This is technically my parents’ room, but we use it as a guest room if it’s just us kids,” Callie explained, stopping at the last door in the hallway, “they have a king bed, so I figured you and Charlie could just share.”

“That’s fine,” you assured her, not hesitating to drop your heavy duffel onto the side of the bed closest to the window, “this place is awesome, Callie.”

“Right?” She grinned. “I’m stoked for the week, it’s gonna be so fun.”

“You should go down to the bonfire,” you told her, placing a hand on your bag, “I’ll come join as soon as I’m done.”

Luckily, your roommate of two years understood that you needed alone time sometimes, so she left you without protest. 

This was exactly the recharge time that you needed. You were the kind of person who loved being around friends, but there was only so much socializing you could handle before you needed a break to be on your own. Even though you hadn’t spoken much on the ride to the cabin, being squished into a mini-van with six other girls drained your social battery. Giving yourself a moment to breathe and relax was necessary if you were going to rejoin the group.

Pressing the shuffle play button on your spotify, you smiled when the soft melody of your favorite folk song thrummed through your headphones. You swayed from side-to-side as you unzipped your bag, which had been packed to perfection. 

Four swimsuits, a different outfit for each day (plus a few extra items… overpacking is better than underpacking), sunscreen, bug spray, all of your toiletries. It was fun to organize everything into the empty wardrobe by the window; looking at all of your stuff just made you more excited to be here.

Time flew by as you danced around the room. Most of your things were put away, and you’d stashed your empty bag under the bed. The one thing you hadn’t put away yet was your assortment of swimsuits. It had been difficult picking out which ones you wanted to bring, but you’d settled on three bikinis and a one-piece with the sides cut out. You were itching to change out of your leggings and t-shirt; they felt gross against your skin after sitting in the van all day. 

Just as you went to pick up your navy blue sequined bikini top, a hand abruptly clamped down on your shoulder. 

“Holy shit!” You spun around on your heels, hand flying to cover your beating heart. You were less than pleased to find Harry standing there, wide-eyed and trying to mask his amusement by biting down on his lip. 

“Didn’t mean to sneak up on you,” he chuckled, “forgot how jumpy you are.”

“I’m not jumpy,” you frowned, pulling your headphones out of your ears and crossing your arms over your stomach, “what are you doing in here?”

“Nice to see you too,” he scoffed, dimple indenting into his cheek, “I was just using the loo, then I was gonna go back to the party, where we’re having fun. Foreign concept to you, I’m sure.”

You rolled your eyes, turning around so he couldn’t see how hard you were scowling. He always knew just what to say to get your blood boiling.

“Are you implying that I don’t know how to have fun, Harry?” You asked sarcastically. 

“Ah, I knew you were smarter than you looked,” he grinned. “Cute swim top.”

It was only then that you noticed his attire. Well, lack of attire. He was wearing the smallest swimming shorts you’d ever seen, his chest tanned from the sun and completely bare apart from a single cross necklace that hung over his sternum. His hair had grown out since the last time you saw him, and it looked a bit ridiculous with his sunglasses on top of his head. 

He looked good, not that you’d ever admit it. Luckily, you were fantastic at masking your wandering eyes; he had a tendency of walking around your apartment in his boxers during visits, so you’d had plenty of practice.

“Shut up,” you groaned, throwing the bikini top back onto the bed. You’d been planning on wearing that one, but Harry ruined it with his gross comment, just like he ruins most things for you. 

“I’m quite incapable of shutting up,” he mused, throwing himself down onto your side of the bed, “you should know this by now.”

“Trust me,” you were completely unamused, still standing with your arms crossed over your stomach, “I’m well aware.”

“You should come join the party,” he continued speaking as if you hadn’t said anything, seemingly unfazed by how visibly irritated you were, “it’s the first day and you’re already being a buzzkill. Maybe you should try like… try stepping out of your comfort zone, just for the week.”

“Thank you so much for that lovely unsolicited advice,” you said sarcastically, “now if we’re talking about comfort zones, you laying on my bed is definitely out of mine.”

“Please, you love me on your bed,” he smirked, closing his eyes, “this is a dream come true for you.”

“Are you delusional?” You were running out of patience. “Did you hit your head?”

“Why?” He said innocently. “Are you thinking about playing nurse? Because I hate to break your heart, but I’m not into wet blankets. Maybe if you loosened up a bit.”

If he wasn’t gone in thirty seconds, you were going to scream. He seemed to be enjoying himself, arms crossed behind his head with a twinkle in his eye as you stared daggers at him. 

“Are you quite done?” You spit. “I can feel my IQ dropping every time you speak. Plus, I need to change before I come down.”

“Ooh, can I watch?” He waggled his eyebrows. 

That was it. “Harry, get out, okay?”

“Jeez, okay, fine,” he grumbled, rolling clumsily off of the bed, “so bossy, you are.”

You pointed a finger towards the door, leveling him with the steeliest glare you could muster. “Out,” you repeated.

“You should come down sooner rather than later,” he said, completely unbothered, “I’m sure you’ll be much nicer once you’ve had a drink or two.”

He was gone before you could think of a response. The annoyance bubbling inside you was so intense, you felt like you wanted to break something. Instead, you punched your pillow a few times to release some tension, taking a deep breath to compose yourself after.

You wrinkled your nose at the blue bikini top, choosing to wear an orange floral patterned one instead. You’d never give Harry the satisfaction.

~~~

The fire was absolutely roaring. 

It was perfect. The fire pit was lined with wooden logs, the tops shaved off to make benches. There was hardly enough space for all fourteen of you, but you managed to squeeze in as you all roasted corn and hot dogs over the fire. It wasn’t too windy, so you didn’t have to worry about smoke blowing into your eyes, but the bugs were relentless. 

The air around you smelled of smoke, bug spray, and good food. There were a few different conversations happening, and every once in a while, a few people would break out into loud, contagious laughter. 

Harry had tried to talk to you when you came down, but you’d avoided him like the plague. You had absolutely nothing nice to say to him after his snarky comments in your room, and any further interaction with him at this point would just end in disaster. Thankfully, he was quickly distracted by some of his frat brothers, and he hadn’t tried to approach you again all night. 

Now, you were chatting with Olivia and one of the boys, Luke. By the time you’d gone down to the bonfire, everyone was several drinks in. You’d been forced to play catch-up by way of tequila shots, so you had a pleasant buzz running through your veins.

“This is a perfect summer night,” you sighed happily, pulling your skewer from the flames to keep your corn from burning. 

“Almost perfect,” a boy named Archie corrected, “we haven’t been out on the lake yet.”

Harry and three of the other boys had arrived a night early to get the boats ready, and now that Archie mentioned it, the pontoon was looking mighty tempting. The sun hadn’t fully set, but dusk was beginning to settle in, blanketing the forest with pink and orange hues, a gorgeous reflection of the sunset above you. It was the perfect time to go out on the water.

“How do we feel about the pontoon?” You wondered out loud. There was no way you’d all fit, but you could go in groups. 

“It’s too buggy to be on the water,” Callie wrinkled her nose, “I’m getting eaten alive as it is.”

“I’m down, as long as I can smoke a spliff while we’re out there,” James, one of the other boys, shrugged, “obviously I’ll share, I brought tons.”

A few others around the circle chimed in with their interest, and before you knew it, people were standing up to make their way over to the docks. You weren’t the best with names, but much to your relief, you’d introduced yourself to everyone going on the boat. Obviously, you already knew Morgan and Isobel, and were somewhat friendly with Jane, Archie, and James. 

“I’ll come along, too,” a voice behind you yawned. When you turned around, you immediately felt yourself melt. Ryan, a boy you’d had a single class with freshman year, was stretching his arms out as he stood up, and he was looking directly at you with a flirtatious smile. 

You’d had a major crush on him for the entirety of your class together, but you’d been too shy to say anything to him. He was a whole year older, after all, and that had been intimidating when you were eighteen. 

You returned his smile, biting down on your bottom lip shyly. 

“I guess I’m going too, then,” Harry sighed, shoving the last of his hot dog into his mouth before dusting his hands off. 

Immediately, your face dropped. Harry snorted when he saw your expression, digging around the pocket in his swimsuit to retrieve a key. 

“I’m the only one allowed to drive the boats, remember? Dad made me promise.” 

Your shoulders slumped. You’d completely forgotten that Callie had mentioned it to you earlier. You weren’t about to turn down a sunset boat ride though, especially now that Ryan was coming along as well. 

Everyone scarfed down the rest of their food in a rush as Harry went over to untie the boat and make sure it was good to go. You watched as he leaned far over the edge of the dock, so far that nearly fell face-first into the water before righting himself and trying again.. 

“Hey,” Ryan had walked next to you, following your line of sight, “he’s gonna fall in, isn’t he?”

“I hope so,” you giggled.

“You were in my History 204 class, weren’t you? Sophomore year?” He asked.

Your entire body flushed. You didn’t think he’d noticed you at all, let alone enough to remember you years later. Having Ryan up at the cabin, talking to you, felt like a dream come true.

“I was a freshman, but yeah, I think so,” you nodded nonchalantly, “I hated that professor.”

“Oh god, same!” He laughed, shaking his head, “such a drag, just constant pop quizzes!”

“Ugh, yes!” You turned your body towards him fully. “And that midterm assignment….”

“Don’t even get me started,” Ryan pretended to shiver in fear. 

You laughed loudly, and from the corner of your eye you saw Harry turn to glance in your direction. Upon a closer look, he’d managed to wrangle the boat so it was right up against the dock. 

“All aboard!” He shouted.

You rolled your eyes at his ridiculous antics. He always thought he was so funny, especially when you were the butt of his jokes. You hoped he’d be too busy driving to bother you. 

Luckily, Ryan seemed keen to stay by your side, even helping you step into the boat by taking your hand to keep you balanced, so Harry didn’t have much of a chance to say anything. By the time the boat was moving, everyone was sitting in a circle on the floor, clipping in the life jackets that Callie had forced us all to wear. 

As soon as the wind blew through your hair, you tilted your head up and closed your eyes. Lakes didn’t smell great, but you’d always loved it. It was classic, nostalgic. You’d spent every summer of your life swimming in Midwest lakes, so it felt just like summer.

James was true to his word, and pulled out four fatly rolled joints, passing them around with a lighter. You didn’t do this often, but it felt like the perfect moment. The sun was disappearing fast, and soon enough you’d be able to see the stars.

At some point, Harry slowed the engine down to a gentle hum when the boat reached the middle of the lake, getting a couple of the others to help him throw the anchor over the edge. Afterwards, he moved back over to the driving console and fiddled with a few buttons until quiet, staticky music sounded out. He then sat down across the circle from you, immediately accepting one of the joints from Archie. 

You stood up on your knees, and looked around. Water lapped lightly against the sides of the boat, so it took you a moment to find your equilibrium. The silhouette of the tall pines surrounding the lake were awe-striking. 

Nobody wanted to break the silence, so you didn’t. The weed was starting to take effect, making your body feel heavy and your head feel light. You started to lay down, unclipping your life jacket to use as a pillow. Slowly, your friends followed your lead, the sounds of shuffling and buckles popping open momentarily interrupting the tranquil silence. 

You watched the sky change from pink to a deep blue, only turning your head away when the first stars became visible. Morgan was laying next to you, staring straight up at the sky. To anyone else, she looked like she was lost in thought, but you knew her better than that. There was a slight frown, watery eyes, a little crinkle across her forehead... she was worried about something. 

“What are you thinking about?” You asked, trailing a hand down her arm. She let out a long exhale. 

“This is gonna sound so soppy,” Morgan sighed, “but I can’t stop thinking about like… how different I would be if I could just, change things about myself.”

“I like you the way you are,” Isobel frowned, sitting up slightly to look at her, “plus, you can change things about yourself. People do it all the time. New hairstyles, piercings, clothes. You could completely rebrand yourself anytime you want.”

“She’s not talking about her appearance,” you said softly, squeezing Morgan’s hand, “she means… like, changing who you are, at your very core. Things you can’t help.”

“I get that,” Ryan chimed in, “I think about that, too. If I could change one thing about myself, I would make myself more motivated. My life would be so different if I could just… alter one tiny thing.”

“Exactly!” Morgan nodded. “I would… make myself less impulsive, I think. I have so many regrets, and it’s all because I never properly think before I act. I’d be so much better off if I could just learn to be more careful.”

“I like how spontaneous you are,” Isobel hummed, “but I think I know what you mean. If I could change anything about myself, I’d make myself less anxious. Anxiety has always held me back so much… I mean, fuck… I haven’t even come out to my family yet, even though I know they’d support me. I’d be so much happier if I could appreciate the good things in life, rather than stress about how to keep them.”

“I’m with Isobel,” Harry spoke. He’d just taken a rather large pull from the joint, so his voice came out rougher than gravel. “Anxiety is such a bitch, and it’s like, out of our control. It’s kept me from talking about my feelings so many times, and I feel like I’ve missed out on some really good friendships because of it.”

Despite the heaviness of the conversation, you felt happier than you had in a long time. You’d smoked just enough to feel numb, and the waves were rocking against the boat so gently that it felt like you were floating. You took a deep breath in through your nose, feeling the crisp forest air fill your lungs before exhaling. The stars were shining in the cloudless sky, crickets were chirping along the shore, and soft music was filtering through the cheap boat stereo. It was peaceful, listening to your friends pour their hearts out. 

Each person took a turn sharing what they would change about themselves. Archie would get rid of his bad temper, James would become a better listener, and Jane would be less self-conscious. 

“What would you change?” Morgan turned to look at you. 

You and your twin sister were very different people. So different, in fact, that you sometimes forgot that you were identical. In moments like this, when her eyes were watery and hooded, voice thick with sadness and hope, that you were reminded of how similar you could be. 

“If I could change anything about myself….” you mused, closing your eyes. “I think I would… let things go.”

“Let things go?” Archie echoed.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “like, let go of the past. Whenever something bad happens to me, I let it really get to me. Negative memories and feelings just… constantly eat away at me. I wish I could just wake up in the morning and think about the future… because thinking about the past is exhausting.”

Nobody spoke after your confession. Nobody tried to assure anyone that they would be okay, or convince anyone that they didn’t need to change. There was something comforting about lying in a circle with your friends, your sister… even Harry, because you were all flawed, and none of you knew what the future would bring. You all found solace in the fact that you were here, right now, laying in a circle on a boat, with an old jazz song ringing through the air.

And who knows… maybe someday, you’ll all find a way to change the parts of yourselves that bother you. Maybe you’ll learn to appreciate them. Maybe your flaws will end up helping you in the long run. 

But for now, none of you were alone. And that was enough.

~~~

Thank you for reading! I love getting feedback, so let me know what you thought! xoxoxoxoxoooooxxxxxxooooooxxxoooo Tile

[vanchlo]

The Firsts / #2 “The First Time Bringing Him Home”

*not my gif*

---> NEXT BLURB: I hope that I can put it out on October 19th, following the every other week rule, but I’m not sure with my busy schedule. Keep an eye out for updates on the series masterlist!

---> READ BLURB #1

READ THE ASSISTANT, AKA WHAT CAME FIRST

SERIES MASTERLIST          

READ ON WATTPAD

-> SHOULD I CREATE A TAGLIST FOR THIS SERIES? IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE ADDED, LET ME KNOW! :)

LEGEND:

+ : a break in the story; a time jump.

italicized words : a flashback.

WARNINGS: None

WORD COUNT: 10.7k words (!!!)

SONG:  And I Love Her by The Beatles  (CLICK TO LISTEN)

                          * SNEAK PEEK, DUH BC ALWAYS *

“A tear collects at the corner of my eye, reminding me that at times like these, I expect to blink and it’ll all be gone. I wait for myself to wake up from the dream, and to have him ripped away from me, just like all of those other times he was. But it doesn’t, because how could my dreams beckon for me when my life was finally better than anything I could dream about?“

“She thinks that there’s one soul out there, just for her. One that will stay by her side forever and that someday, she’ll find it.”

- Kazuya Kujō, GOSICK -ゴシック-

*

“Are you kidding me?” 

Groaning, I drop my purse in the doorway where it falls with a thud, and my quick steps echo down the hallway. “Harry Edward, I swear to God,” I mutter under my breath, narrowing my eyes at his laughing figure at the other end, but the happy sound only grows further and further away. 

“What would you ever do without me?” I ask nobody aloud, coming to a stop in a patch of sunlight dancing through the tall window. Rounding his desk, I find his brown messenger bag that I still smile at every time, and begin to pack his stuff up.

Pulling open a drawer, I find his Macbook charger that I may or may not be stealing for the tenth or twelfth time. After the last of the unwrapped cord comes out, something pink flutters to the marbled floor. Huffing, I shove the charger into his bag and bend down to pick it up, smoothing down the end of my skirt against my bottom. The thought of standing back up comes to my mind, but as a hint of his recent Sage and Citrus candle trickles through the air, I stop at the words I see. 

“Huh,” I sigh, my lips curling into my cheek as the writing on the Post-It clears before my eyes. A certain somebody’s handwriting that I could recognize instantly, but my noggin takes a moment to rouse the reason for this very note. 

I hope your case went well today, Harry, and I’m sure it did because you’re so good at what you do. I just wanted to let you know that I really like working with you, and I’m so glad that I found this job, and more importantly, you. You’re one of my best friends, Harry, so thank you a lot for that. 

Your Becks xxx

The space between my eyebrows softens when the jigsaw pieces click inside my head, but then it’s followed by the smallest of tears in my chest when I notice that my name is smudged. The paper all over has smudge marks, and looks almost crinkled, as if somebody spilled something on it . . or shed tears onto it. 

“Oh, Harry. I hate to think what you did do without me,” I whisper, brushing my thumb over the note I wrote so many years ago, and yet, he still clung onto it. Standing back up, I clear my itchy throat and tuck the note back into the drawer where it sat in the little divider surrounded by coins and pink erasers. 

“Can I help you with sumthin’?” a voice teases from the doorway. I almost jump when I hear it, the sleek wooden drawer closing without a sound. 

“Yeah, you can stop making us late.” 

“What, we’re not gonna be late, Becks.” 

“We will if you don’t stop it with your Minnesota goodbyes,” I quip, draping the cloth strap over my shoulder and stepping forward. 

“Whatever tha hell that means,” he titters with knitted brows, that breathy laugh escaping his lips to grace the air. He closes the distance between us and I feel zings of electricity on my forehead where his lips touch. “Here, gimme. I was jus’ sayin’ me goodbyes t’ My’ t’ make sure we’re all set with bein’ gone t’morrow and Monday, and you as well.” 

“If you say so,” I exhale, letting him take the bag from me. Somehow, it only makes him all the more attractive, clutching onto it across his chest, clad in a teal and black paisley suit with a button up the color of raven feathers beneath. 

“C’mon, brat. Let’s get this show on tha road then,” he complains ever so annoyingly, making me roll my eyes. 

“Hey! Watch it, you’re on thin ice, bud!” I exclaim, whipping around to find him giggling after pinching my ass. 

“Oooo, ‘m so scared!” 

+

“Harry, hurry up already! I don’t want to hit rush hour traffic! What more do you need to bring? It’s only a three-four day trip,” I call up the staircase, my hands slapping against my thighs in impatience. 

“‘m comin’! Would ya chill yer tits, woman? My God,” Harry chuckles, appearing around the corner of the staircase a moment later. Shaking my head, I catch sight of the large box wrapped in floral paper. “Don’t smile now, Becks. Dontchu’ smile, babe.” 

Stifling a giggle, I turn around fast and thread my fingers through the cloth handle, “Dammit, Harry, what do you have in this bag? It weighs a ton.” 

“‘s yer birthday presents, bug.” 

“It is?” I ask excitedly after an intake of air. His steps stop in front of me, but I ignore him and push aside the fabric of the large reusable cloth bag. 

“They’re wrapped, silly. Hey, you were gonna cheat and take a peek, weren’t you?!” Harry exclaims. Looking up slowly, I press my lying lips into a line and shake my head. His own pair rise to pinch his cheeks and now, it’s his turn to shake his head. “Naughty, naughty, Becks. Hmm, maybe I should jus’ leave ‘em here and you can open ‘em when we get back on Monday. Fo’get ‘bout openin’ ‘em up t’morrow mornin’ on yer birthday.” 

“Harry, no!” I almost shout, but his stern look dissolves into a giggle. A spark ignites on my cheek when his thumb brushes along it, hooking his fingers into my hair. 

“Don’t worry, sweets. I can hardly wait t’ give ‘em t’ you, let alone anotha few days,” he winks, and I feel my shoulders relax when I breathe out. “Now, let’s go put this in tha boot, and get goin’. Yer dad’s expectin’ us soon,” he hums, bending forward to sponge a kiss under my eye. I can’t remember when he had started doing that, but I smile at the feeling of his warm lips on my birthmark. 

“Hey, what’d I say earlier?!” I argue a moment later, almost jumping into the air after he pinched my bum. 

“I don’t care. Yer gonna be tha one makin’ us late now, if ya don’t hurry that cute bum o’ yers along.” 

Giggling, I open his glossy, black front door to step onto the front stoop. Humming a tune, Harry helps me to get the heavy bag into the boot of his Rover, fitting it and his large box amongst his suitcase and my own. Things are shoved to the side, including his windshield scraper, a jumper or two, and his bag of workout clothes with his highlighter yellow Nikes spilling out. 

“Becks, I get t’ pick this time!” 

“No, you don’t. I don’t even remember who picked last time, but I got to your phone first. That’s the rule,” I return with a mischievous grin pointed towards him. Huffing, he adjusts himself in the driver’s seat before pulling the seat belt across his chest. 

“Pick sumthin’ good please, and would ya plug me phone in then?”

“Sure, and wait, what do you mean? I always pick good music!” I say, turning to look at him as he presses the button to start the car. 

“I love ‘Dancing Queen’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody,’ babe, but please, can we have sumthin’ different t’day? ‘s a three hour drive, I don’t wanna be listenin’ t’ those songs or bloody ‘Hannah Montana’ tha whole way.” 

“You’re no fun,” I groan, finding the words I had just said feeling heavy in my throat when I see his lock screen. A giggly picture of us from the other night fills it, the first time I’ve seen it. Smiling, I unlock it regrettably, and find his Music Library. 

“Alright, Ms. GPS, where am I goin’ exactly? ‘s been awhile since ‘ve been up this way, y’know,” Harry says, adjusting the air conditioner until it flows softly. 

“Thanks for driving,” I tell him first, squeezing his hand and watching his eyes scan over to me. They instantly fill with the smile that follows on his face. 

“Welcome, babe. Take all tha time ya need with gettin’ back t’ it. But, y’know, ya should start lookin’ fer a new car.” 

“I don’t wanna talk about this right now, Harry-,” I begin in an upset tone, scrolling through one of his playlists. 

“Ya, but I do. I don’t see why you won’t lemme help you pay-.” 

“Harry, I can afford it, I’ll be fine. The settlement money will be enough for a used one,” I disagree, settling on a Haim song just to have something to listen to already. 

I just hope it’ll help me tune out this impending argument. 

“Ya, a shitty used one, Becks. ‘m not gonna let you drive ‘round an unreliable car, I-.” 

“Well, I don’t remember needing to have your permission before I did something,” I retort, setting his phone down above the radio on the little mat, noticing his fingers darting around on the touch screen. 

“That’s not what I said, Becks, y’know that . . Ya don’t ever need me permission t’ do sumthin’, I can’t believe ya’d think that ‘bout me,” Harry sighs, stabbing at the screen one last time before backing away from his closed garage. 

Closing my eyes, I let my head fall against the window, regret pooling inside of me darkly. I try to swallow, but the words I want to say sit there, unsaid. 

“I don’t think that about you, Harry, I-.” 

“Then why fookin’ say that, Becks?” he spits back, harshly switching gears before zooming along as the directions are spoken to him. 

“Because I’m upset and people say things they don’t mean when they’re upset, and I’m tired of-.” 

“Doesn’t fricken ‘scuse what ya said, actin’ like ‘m controllin’ when ‘m not like that. You know ‘m not,” Harry grumbles under his breath, stopping suddenly in front of a changing stoplight. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Ya well, what have you said t’ me befo’, huh? ‘Sorry doesn’t always cut it,’ ‘cuz y’know, it doesn’t mean a whole lot when it gets overused all o’ tha time,” he continues, a bite in his voice. I soon taste blood in my mouth and release my tongue, unaware I was taking out my frustration on it, as well. 

“I don’t want your help buying a car, Harry, why can’t you just accept that already?” I almost explode, wishing I wasn’t, but the words were shoved up and away before I could stop them. 

His sigh is automatic and unavoidable, as is the click of his tongue, “‘Cuz we’ve argued ‘bout this how many times, and ya still won’t tell me why not.” 

“Fine, because I don’t want to take your help- your money. I-It’s just how I was raised, I don’t know. It’d be so embarrassing, Harry . . ,” I trail off, my voice growing small and choked. 

“Oh, Becks,” Harry says in an exhale, lacing his hand with mine and pressing a kiss to it. “Ya don’t hafta be embarrassed, love . . I know that you’d pay me back, and however long it takes ‘s fine.” 

“Thanks, but . . I don’t know. I don’t like ‘talking money’ with you, no offense or anything. It’s just . . weird with you being my boss and signing my checks, like you say. You know how much I make, and I know you pay me a little more than an associate because you like me.” 

“‘m sorry I give you shit ‘bout tha check thing, but y’know that other part’s a bit o’ an understatement,” he wheezes, squeezing my hand in his. Breathing in, I move my head to look at him and watch his eyes turn to me and soften. “It ‘s. I liked you afta a few weeks o’ knowin’ you at tha firm, then I really liked you, and then I loved you.” 

“Harry,” I say with a sigh, looking away and finding our laced hands sitting on his thigh, right where he always places them. 

“What, ya aren’t gonna reciprocate me love?” he giggles, and I remain quiet. “‘s okay, love, ya don’t always hafta.” 

“I love you too, but-,” I start, but cut myself off, just in time. Or, so I think.

“But what?” he asks, his indicator making a ticking noise while he switches lanes. It takes me a few moments to notice the absence of the music. I think that he’s lowered the volume, but then, I gather that he’s turned it off altogether. “Becks, what’re you thinkin’ bout?”

“Bug? Yer scarin’ me, what’s tha matter?” he says, hurrying through his words. My lips are dry when I swipe my tongue over them, but the landscape outside my window is anything but that. It’s green in between the buildings and the hot sun shines high in the sky. 

“I feel like a burden to everybody . . the last few months . . ,” I admit in a small voice, focused on the sensation of him twirling a ring around my finger. An old one I had found in a drawer the other day, from my uni days with Skye. “What are you doing?” I ask hurriedly when I notice he pulls off the road onto the shoulder, and parks. 

“Becks,” Harry says firmly, pressing his thumb into my hand, but it doesn’t wake me up quite yet. “Rebecca Holte, listen to me. No, I need you t’ look at me too,” he continues, cupping the side of my face and pressing on it until I look into his eyes overwhelmed with something. “You are not a burden t’ anybody, let alone t’ me. I love you, Becks, mo’ than I thought I could ever love somebody. Hell, mo’ than ‘ve loved anyone. Yer never a burden t’ me, ‘ve told you this fer years, and I wish you’d believe it, love. I really don’t mind givin’ you lifts t’ work, and I know Skye doesn’t either. How else would I know that you secretly love Miley Cyrus’ music, or ya still jam t’ High School Musical or The Lion King? I love ridin’ t’ work and home with you ev’ry day, I honestly cherish gettin’ that extra time with you. Sure, ya drive me nuts sumtimes with yer odd music tastes, but I love you fer that. I love you for yer stubbornness, even with this bloody car issue, ‘cuz I dunno if we’d be t’getha if it weren’t fer yer stubbornness. I love you fer how good you are with yer money, tha effort you make fer those you love, like spendin’ tha weekend at yer Dad’s fer yer birthday with Robbie. I love you fer yer dedication t’ anythin’ and anybody that you love - throwing Asher a surprise birthday party tha other week, or organizing that baby shower fer Rose next week. Yer amazing, you blow me off me feet ev’ry day with sumthin’ new ya did. You could never be a burden t’ me, yer tha complete opposite, bug. You make tha world spin ‘round fer me, always done that, you have. Ya make me excited t’ get up in tha mornin’, t’ be a lawyer, hell . . t’ be a person, and mo’ importantly, yer boyfriend and best friend. I never wantcha t’ think yer a burden, ‘specially t’ me, ‘cuz that’s tha last thing you are t’ me. I love you mo’ than I could ever begin t’ tell you,” Harry divulges and not for the last time do I feel like The Grinch, because it feels as if my heart has grown another size, or two. 

His warm laugh dances across my head when I fall into his arms and pull him against me for once. 

“Dontchu’ cry on yer birthday weekend now, bug,” he jokes against my temple, his lips making a smacking noise against my flushed skin. 

My favorite song in the world fills my ears as his words from before drunken my mind with their never ending meanings. I never thought I could love somebody this much, either. Sorry, Skye. 

Sniffling, I brush my hand against my itchy nose and peer up. His greens brighter than the grass outside my window peer down at me, softer than can be. 

“I love you too, Harry, so much. I don’t know what more I can say after that,” I croon with happiness plastered across my face. “But, thank you.”

“Ya don’t hafta say anymo’, that’s mo’ than enough fer me, sweets,” he assures me, pressing his lips to mine. “‘m sorry ya didn’t get mo’ settlement money, ya would have if it was me who fought yer case.” 

“How many times do I have to tell you that it’s okay?” I giggle and he nods with those dimples on full display for me. He nibbles at his bottom lip, leaving short white imprints amongst the rosy color. I sometimes still amaze myself at getting to run my fingers through his hair whenever I want to, like now. The clean, citrus smell of his new shampoo wafts over me as he smiles down at me, making me think all of my dreams have come true. Almost all of them. 

“I know, bug, but it was disappointin’, tha settlement.”

“Your friend at Williams and Knox did great, Harry, and you couldn’t have argued it with your connection to me. Nobody at the firm could, seeing as how I work with them,” I explain to him, my thoughts brushing over the redundancy of it all. 

“‘ll tell ya what, I have an ol’ mate who works with cars, and I bet he could knock off a few grand fer me-.” 

“Harry!” I begin to protest, but it’s soon whisked away by the softness of his lips against mine. Our giggles tickle the others, and his hand is cold against my hip when he slides up my shirt. “I don’t want you to-,” I start again after he pulled away, but he dives back in for another kiss. Now, I don’t really care if we happen to be late. 

“Ya gonna stop arguin’?” he wheezes after ending the kiss, brushing the tip of his nose against mine. My lips part and he raises his eyebrows in response, making me nod moments later. “Good. Now, as I was sayin’, he owes me a favor so ‘ll see what I can do ‘bout gettin’ you a new car. Actually, I think a lease would be best fer you.” 

“But, Harry, new cars are too expensive and the insurance as well, and-.” 

“Hush,” he whispers against my lips, soon letting me taste his coconut chapstick for the third time in the last minute. Then again, time has seemingly gone out the window these last few minutes, and I couldn’t care if I tried. “I really do think ‘d be best. Ya, insurance would be higher, but then ya have a new car, guaranteein’ no problems, and if there are, tha dealer place fixes ‘em free o’ charge. Inna few years, ya can buy it, or trade it in and sign another lease.” 

“Okay, Mr. Convincing Lawyer, you do have a few good points,” I at last agree, watching his sixty-watt smile only grow brighter at my surrender. 

“Yer music t’ me ears, y’know that?” 

“Ditto,” I say, smiling up at him.

“Maybe if ya continue t’ be good  and give a li’l less lip at work, ya jus’ might get a raise when it comes t’ yer six month review next week,” he jests with a lift of an eyebrow, a shit-eating grin plastering his lips. “Reckon that’d help with tha car, bug.”

“Is that so, Mr. Styles?”

“Mmmhmm, it ‘s indeed, Ms. Holte,” Harry answers, but I ignore him and choose to get lost in his lips, and the baby curls on the back of his neck. 

+

A Paul McCartney song hums around us, the soft twang of acoustic guitar filling the holes as buildings pass on by. Yawning, I shuffle my feet in front of me and tip my head against the window. The song comes to a gentle end before a Bowie song follows, and I find my thigh warmed by his touch. I lose myself in the lyrics as his thumb leaves circles through my jeans first above my knee, then higher, and higher. Turning away from the window, I peek a look at him to find him biting at his nails while focused on the road. 

“Stop biting your nails,” I whisper, my hand falling onto his and dragging it back towards my knee. It’s difficult, but I hold back the grin begging at my lips when I watch him blink with emphasis. 

“Stop movin’ me hand. Y’know what, it took me tha last ten minutes t’ get that high,” he retorts without moving his eyes from the traffic in front of us. 

“Why are you trying to get so high, huh, Mr. Styles?”

“Yer not helpin’ things by callin’ me that. Y’know how I feel ‘bout you callin’ me it,” Harry sighs, his thumb falling from his lips, and he turns on his indicator. After switching lanes, he reaches into the middle compartment and offers me a stick of gum before shoving a piece into his mouth. 

“And how do you feel about me calling you that?”

“Stop,” he says, turning his head to look me straight in the eyes when a light has turned red. “Playin’ dumb, Becks.” 

I avoid his eyes with a giggle and peer out at the landscape where buildings soon become far and in between, knowing how it gets to him and in a good way. His tsking tickles my ears and I shove his hand away, sure I’ve only made matters worse. The next few songs tick Queen off the list, as well as The Stones, and Simon and Garfunkel before a Beatles song follows. 

“Penny Lane is in my ears, and in my eyes,” the radio sings back to us while Harry cruises at a steady 68 miles per hour. His distracted humming along eggs me on, and without a thought more, I slide my hand across the divider and onto his thigh. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything, and when I glance over, he’s blowing bubbles between singing along. “And in his pocket is a portrait of the Queen. He likes to keep his fire engine clean . . ,” he nods to the words, and smacks loudly on his gum. I take the chance and slowly lift my hand from the warmth of his leg, and find another spot a little higher up. 

“Yer cheatin’,” is all he says while sitting back further and adjusting his hand on the wheel. 

Huffing, I look away guiltily and try my darnedest to hide the smile blooming on my lips, “I am not.” 

“Yes, you are. Only slidin’, no liftin’, Ms. Holte. Start over, then.” 

“Fine,” I groan, replacing my hand to above his knee where I had begun in the first place. His chuckle irritates me, but when he picks up my hand to press a kiss to, I find it hard not to melt next to him. 

Throughout the next few songs featuring Jagger, Backstreet Boys, and McFly, I don’t get very far. I hardly beat my record when he picks up my hand and places it back at the starting point. 

“Harry!” I exclaim in annoyance, turning to face him. His dimpled cheeks round out with a pink smile. “No fair, I almost won!” 

“Ya, and ya were gettin’ a li’l too close t’ me junk, y’know.” 

“That’s the point of the game, silly!” I argue but it only collapses into a laugh that he reluctantly echoes. “We don’t actually . . touch each other, you know that.” 

“What’re you talkin’ ‘bout? You did jus’ tha other day!” 

“Stop it!” I whine, crossing my arms over my chest and facing the window once more with hot cheeks. With my face smushed into a line, I find only a few bits of relief when my forehead meets the cool glass of the window, wishing I hadn’t heard those words. “Don’t,” I mutter when he pries at my stubborn arms that coax me back together. 

“Babe, I was jus’ jokin’ with you. It was only an accident, ya don’t still hafta feel bad ‘bout that, Becks,” Harry insists, but the harmless giggle feels anything but that when it interrupts the new Busted song. 

“I would if you’d stop bringing it up! You know that I’m never going to hear the end of it from Skye, and now, you too!” 

“Bug, it was funny. We all agreed it was, ‘s nuthin’ t’ be ashamed of still, I promise you.” 

“Oh, hush,” I say through gritted teeth, shaking off his hand only to hear his depressed sigh. 

His voice grows low, and somehow, I let his hand remain when it graces the round of my knee, “I didn’t mind y’know, ‘s rather flatterin’ actually-.” 

“Would you shut up about it, please? I touched your crotch the other day, I know because I was there, and it was in front of Skye. I almost died from embarrassment when it happened, and if you don’t stop bringing it up, I actually will die from embarrassment and it’ll be all of your fault.” 

“Becks, chill out, babe,” he titters, the emphasis held in his hand that tries to rub the worries away, but I remain pouting. “Stop it with tha poutin’, love, ‘s not lost on me. It was an accident that ‘m sorry I keep givin’ ya grief fer. I like our li’l game, and I know ‘s harmless. Maybe one o’ these times ‘ll make it up t’ you and let ya win.” 

“Stop talking already, you know I hate it when you let me win.” 

“Young lady, ya better stop it with tha whining, cuz yer stuck with me for tha next three-four days, and ya best bet ‘m stealin’ all o’ tha covers,” he gripes, and I at last look at him with my body too. 

“Harry Edward, you will not!” 

“I will too, ‘specially if ya keep on poutin’ ‘bout that thing, ‘s not worth it,” he insists, pulling free one of my hands to lace with his one, and smatter the skin of with kisses. “I jus’ hope ya like what ya felt, but ya should know, ‘s mo’ impressive when ‘s hard.” 

“Harry, would you stop it?!” I shout, yanking my hand away from him and shrinking against the window with a shiver. “You’re gross.” 

“What, like ya haven’t thought ‘bout me dick befo’?” he wheezes with that breathy laugh I’m trying not to love right this moment. Sighing, I close my eyes and try to focus on the song, but it’s becoming too difficult as his words spring a leak in my mind. 

This little ‘game’ of ours had started shy of a few weeks ago, and I can’t even remember why really. One of us had started laying our hands on the other’s thigh and as a joke one night, I think after some drinks, I got a little handsy and tried to see how far I could slide my hand without him noticing. It’s become a competition ever since and harmlessly, given the fact that a few steamy makeout sessions as of late hadn’t progressed to anything besides that. Running across some old photos the other night with Skye when backing up my phone made me realize again just how lucky I’ve gotten with him. The man I never thought I’d be able to love, and here I am, embarrassed because my boyfriend is talking about his dick that may or may not occupy my thoughts at times.

God, if I could tell Past Becky that sometime in the near future sh-we may get to see Harry naked, she wouldn’t believe me, or the fact I probably get to sleep beside him the next few nights with him wearing nothing but shorts. I can’t decide which outweighs the other, the excitement, or the fear of the f- that kind of future. 

+

“No,” I whine, continuing to comb through the contents, despite the fact that I already know that it’s not there. 

“Yer bedroom ‘s cute, y’know. Look at all these posters, I love ‘em. Bloody hell, ‘s that a Scooby Doo stuffie? Powerpuff Girls too?” he giggles from across the hallway, and I hear things being moved around. “Becks?”

“I know I packed it, what the heck?”

“What’s tha matter?” Harry coos, coming up from behind me and circling his arms around my waist. 

“I forgot to pack a razor.” 

Apparently, he finds that very funny, because within seconds he’s laughing, “Why ya frettin’ over a razor, bug? We’re only here three nights.” 

“Because . . I didn’t want my legs to be prickly when we sleep together,” I reveal softly, and that sweet sound of his returns, soon muffled against my hair. 

“I honestly don’t care if yer legs are hairy t’night, or t’morrow, or tha night afta that. I never have, love. But, if it really matters t’ ya, ya can borrow me razor. Lemme find it.” Facing him, I watch as he picks up his small, black toiletries bag and plucks a silver handled razor from it. “Here.” 

“Uh, no thanks. Forget I asked,” I rush, occupying myself by grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste from the bag to set on the counter beside his gray one. 

“What, why ya look scared, Becks? Ya never used a safety razor befo’ or summat?”

“No,” I reveal slowly, untwisting the cap of the white tube, and squeezing a dollop of the blue gel onto my toothbrush. 

“‘s really not that bad, I promise you. I like it better, doesn’t gimme razor burn and goofy bumps, or ingrown hairs as much.” 

“I’m fine, no thanks,” I mumble with the toothbrush in my mouth as I move it around, scrubbing my teeth. 

“Becks, c’mon. Really, ‘s not that bad. Hey, why dontchu’ help me shave t’night, and that way you’ll learn how t’ use it. Reckon ‘s easier t’ use on yer legs, not havin’ all tha contours o’ yer face and jaw t’ nick.” 

“Really?” I ask, placing a hand against the cool countertop, and facing him. “Wait, but I like your stubble and it was just coming back after you had shaved.” 

“I leave the upper lip area and chin, but tha cheeks get patchy, so I shave those. I guess yer gonna hafta put up with tha stache again.” 

“That’s okay, you know I like it. You’d really trust me to shave your face?” I respond, turning on the sink and filling a cup with water. 

He nods, and with an eager smile, fishes out the large tube of shaving gel from his bag. 

“What if I cut you?” I almost whine moments later, with the heavy handle in my hands. 

“Babe, ya won’t, and if ya do, I won’t be mad. Rememba, like I showed you - forty-five degree angle, short strokes, and tha lightest pressure. Rinse every few strokes under tha tap. You’ll be fine,” Harry insists with the emphasis placed in his rising eyebrows. “Promise you that I trust you.” 

“Okay, I’ll try it a few times, but that’s it. If I don’t like it, I don’t want to continue. I don’t want to hurt you, Harry.” 

“Ya won’t, bug. This ‘s how ya learn, anyways. Now, c’mon, give it a go,” he coos, pulling me closer to him by his hands pressed to my hips. 

Exhaling, I lift my hand and leave a gap of air in between the safety razor and his cheek covered in the white foam. Tilting it like he had said to do, I wait for him to open his mouth to pull the skin taut. I go with the grain and pull the razor along with short strokes, listening to his encouragements as his cheeks slowly reappears before my eyes. 

“God, you look like a baby like this. I’ve always wondered what you looked like as a teenager, I want to see more pictures.” 

“Noted, ‘ll hafta have me mum bring some over next time,” he replies  and I nod, being careful when his face slopes with his cheekbones, but I save the jawline for him to do. 

Goodness, Becky, you’re shaving your boyfriend’s face. Sometimes, I still catch myself when I call him that, Harry.

+

“Bloody hell, ‘s yer dad good at cribbage. I thought I had that last game 'til tha end there,” Harry chortles from across the hallway. Nodding to myself, I flick off the bathroom light, and stop in the doorway to find him snuggled under the covers of my childhood bed. Talk about a sight for sore eyes. 

“I told you that I learned from the best,” I reply, closing my door softly and then getting the light. Dashing across the room, I almost jump onto my bed. 

“Come warm me up, bug, ‘m freezin’ with that fan on,” Harry says, his teeth chattering, but I wonder if it’s only for the comical effect. “And then, God, what he said when we brought our suitcases in.” 

“What’d he say again?” I ask, burying myself underneath the plain, gray comforter, and draping the rainbow colored quilt on top. 

“How could ya forget, Becks?” he chuckles from beside me, the sound surrounding me when I place my head on his chest. His laughs continue and grow deeper over the next several seconds whilst I get comfortable under the blankets and his arms find their way around me. “Hey, Dad, where should Harry sleep? Have him sleep with you in yer old bed, I’m not getting any younger y’know, I want some grandkids soon, and Robbie isn’t looking too promisin’.” 

“I can’t believe he said that either, I could have died from embarrassment right then and there,” I comment, my laugh joining his to echo around the room. His chest and belly shake and then squeeze beneath me as I nuzzle my head into the middle of his chest.

Little old me had nearly all of her dreams granted after I kissed this fellow, including getting to feel his toned body any time I want to, or lay my head between his solid pecs. Christ Almighty. 

“Once again, ev’rybody, but us, thinks we’re havin’ sex,” Harry says, his laugh seemingly not going anywhere. My cheeks warm at his words and I wish that I could bury my head deeper into him, but I only feel the lukewarm metal of his cross necklace against my cheek. 

“Hey, that’s not too bad of a deal. We didn’t have to do anything, and people think we are.” 

“You have a silly mind, li’l one. I mean, I don’t care what people think, but I wish our parents would stop askin’ fer grandchildren, seein’ as we’ve only been t’getha four months,” Harry giggles, and I nod, remembering my dad missing vague and going straight to obvious when he said he was traditionally named after his father. His elbow into my side didn’t help his case, either. 

Suddenly, a disturbing thought whisks my laugh away and I don’t find the joke very funny, anymore. 

“Why aren’t you laughin’, hmm? Here, then - it was funny when he hinted he wants a grandson named afta him. Our parents really are obvious, aren’t they?” Harry chirps, and I nod silently, only now noticing the callused tips of his fingers dancing along my arm. “‘m sorry, I overplayed tha joke, didn’t I? ‘s not too funny afta a few goes, ‘s it?”

“No, you’re fine,” I say, but the thoughts kicking up dust in my head don’t feel very fine. No, they don’t make me feel ‘fine’ at all. 

Why is it that she always has to ruin everything, ever since I was little? Even now, with her well out of my life, she’s still there despite the fact she’s not . . here. 

“What ‘s it, Becks? Did I say sumthin’ wrong, love?”

“No, it’s not you, Harry. I don’t know, just overthinking things,” I reveal, letting my hand rest on the curve of his bicep, wishing I could see his tattoos in the dark to trace them. I know that that wouldn’t make them go away, though. 

“Wanna talk ‘bout it, or jus’ go t’ bed?”

“I dunno,” I almost laugh, wishing this was ironic and that it was still funny. But, it’s not. “It’s hard to think about being a mum and mine not being there for it. I know that’s how I’d want it to be, though. It’s just . . hard, knowing how much other mums rely on that and enjoy getting to share the experience with theirs.”

“Oh, love, ‘m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” he pipes up, resting his head against mine, and I welcome the closeness. 

“I know you didn’t, it was just my thoughts stirring up ‘what if’s.” 

“Hey, ‘m sure when ya get t’ know me mum betta and Gemma, that me mum would be happy t’ step in fer that role, and me sister too. I already know with Gem that me mum would be all over my babies, and she’s a wonderful grandmother. I only wish she lived closer, but she’s always joked if I had kids, that that’s what would take her t’ move t’ London,” he says into my hair, and I nod into his smooth skin, my cheek tickled by his chest hair. 

“Gemma must have been annoyed with that,” I titter and he agrees. 

“‘ve thought ‘bout it too, y’know. Me dad‘s ‘round fer Harper and Ollie, but I dunno if ‘d ever want him ‘round my kids. He fooked up things with me, so why would I let him do tha same with me kids? I don’t want them wonderin’ why their granddad doesn’t come t’ their birthday party this time but did tha last, or t’ see us have a row . . It makes me sad, but y’know, ‘m glad we can relate t’ each other on this stuff, whatta load o’ rubbish it all ‘s.” 

“Me too, Harry,” I breathe, tracing the shape of his necklace as his heartbeat thuds in my ear. “I can’t ever see things changing with my mum, but maybe it could with your dad someday . . It’s a good thing we’re not having kids anytime soon, huh?”

“Ya, reckon so, but ‘m already thirty, Becks. Time’s a tickin’ fer me in that father department,” he shares gently, and I wish I could see his eyes and lose myself in them, and maybe drag him along for the ride too. It’s all that I can think of to get rid of the sour remnants of this conversation, one that’s all of my fault. 

“Oh, hush. My dad was thirty-four when he had Robbie and I, so you’ll be fine.” 

“Ya, but I dunno, rather sure ‘d want kids soon afta gettin’ married,” he hums happily, a longing for the future in his voice. Boy, is it contagious. “Prolly within tha year.”

“Okay, would you chill it with the future talk? As you just said, it’s only been four months, Harry,” I laugh, nervously. A similar sound rumbles through his chest as he hugs me in his arms, smattering kisses along my head. 

“Well, maybe four months will turn into forever one day, ya never know, bug,” he says with a lilt in his voice, teasing dripping from it. “C’mon, ya don’t know yet whether or not ya wanna be my Mrs. Styles one day?”

“I can tell what your answer to that question is,” my answer comes out in between apprehensive laughs, my cheeks surely scarlet against his skin. 

“I never reveal me secrets, Becks,” he whispers, as if I don’t know it by now. “So, will ya marry me one day?”

“I’ll have to think about it . . ask again in a few months, weirdo.” 

+

The streams of sunlight tease at my eyes while a sensation tickles my neck. Groaning, I shuffle my legs under the covers but they don’t get very far, knocking against another hairy pair. 

“Wake up,” somebody coos softly into my ear, followed by a stream of gentle kisses down my face. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to pull the covers higher, but they don’t budge. “Becks,” they say, dragging out the sound of my name as they rub circles into my stomach. 

I lay there for a little while longer, dipping in and out of sleep, amongst the sound of my name and indiscernible humming. The next time I open them, the sun is beating through the window and the standing fan whirs along. A pair of arms is secure around my waist, and although used to it, I feel somebody’s prickly stubble against my cheek. I smile into the soft kisses pressed along my face and then a last one to my nose. “Wake up, Boops, ‘s yer birthday. ‘s my baby Becks’ birthday t’day,” Harry croons and I feel his cheeks rounding out from a smile against mine. 

“Mmmmm, my twenty-seventh birthday,” I reply, stifling a yawn. They reply with an ‘mmmhmm’ before they hide their face in my neck. “And I get to spend it all with you,” I hum, my thoughts waking me quickly. It’s black and white from my birthday last year, pining away for him as he loved somebody else and ignoring his presents. 

No matter how hard I could try, I wouldn’t be able to remember how long it’s been since I’ve had a birthday as good as this one already is, and undoubtedly will be. 

“‘m so glad I get t’, bug, ‘s ‘bout time,” he yawns from behind me, stirring under the covers. I whine when his leg moves away from mine and takes its warmth with him. “I didn’t imagine ‘d be wakin’ you up in yer childhood bed, but here we are,” he giggles. “Tha first o’ many birthdays spent t’getha, babe.” 

“Yeah,” I reply distractedly, propelled back to this day last year and how robbed I felt of a day that was supposed to be all about me and being happy. That was the last thing I was, it seemed, and it’s like a different life to think about that while Harry kisses the hollow below my ear. My boyfriend, who kicks off a blanket with a groan, a laugh rising from my lips as he complains about being hot.

“‘ve taken off all tha clothes I can and ‘m still bloody boilin.’ God, Becks, could ya be any mo’ o’ a heater, love?” he sighs and I only reply with a loud laugh that grows when his hands roam my body to tickle me. I find his sleepy face painted with a smile when I turn around to face his naked upper half, and it makes me wonder how he could ever be any more perfect than he already is. “What? ‘m sweatin’ over here,” he wheezes, carding a hand through his mess of curls while his eyes shine back at me. 

“Nothing, I just . . “

“You jus’ what, love?” he murmurs, threading his fingers into my hair and stroking it away from my face. 

“I just, really love you,” I confess, watching the contentment blossom on his face to almost embarrassment. 

“I love you too, Rebecca Ann,” Harry beams with that contagious smile again, dipping forward to peck me. “More.” 

“No, I do!” I protest, fingering his gold cross necklace that’s warm in my fingers. “I love you most! There!” 

“Okay, okay,” he titters, batting a hand at me before pulling me into his chest. “‘ll let you have it, but only cuz ‘s yer birthday, my love,” he coos, surrounding me with his arms and covering my head in kisses. 

I silently roll my eyes but I know he hears my huff, “Don’t be a pout on yer birthday, jus’ be happy ‘m lettin’ you get yer way with e’rythin’,” he remarks, muffled against my cheek where his warm breath wafts over me. 

“Everything, you say?” I tease, and his intake of air eggs me on. 

“Oh, what d’ya want now?”

“Hey, it’s my birthday. I get whatever I want on my birthday, isn’t that what I told you on yours?”

“I don’t rememba those exact words, but yes, my girl can have whatever her heart desires on her birthday,” Harry responds softly, his eyelashes leaving butterfly kisses against me. “What ‘s that li’l brain o’ yers cookin’ up now, huh?”

A laugh peeks out from my lips and he groans in response as I ready my proposal, sure he’s falling back asleep in my arms. 

“A baby,” I divulge, and begin to count the seconds after the words have met the air. 1 . . 2 . . 3. 

“‘Scuse me?” Harry exclaims, pulling away from me and looking at me with a wild pair of eyes. I find it so hard to hold it back when his green eyes widen further, accompanied by a sudden pallor to his face. “Rebecca Ann-,” he begins adamantly, but the moment the chuckle pours from my lips, he stops. “Woman, I swear- Jesus Christ, ya really are gonna gimme a heart attack one o’ these days.” 

“The look on your face, Harry! I wish you could’ve seen it,” I giggle profusely, only fed by the crimson appearance of his cheeks as he shakes his head. 

“You li’l smart ass, you,” he tuts, swiftly flipping onto his back and pulling me on top of him. “Y’know, ya kinda hafta be havin’ sex in order t’ have a baby, love, sumthin’ that doesn’t quite exist fer us yet,” Harry remarks with the cutest double chin from below me. I adjust myself lying on top of him so I’m not crushing his lungs, or well, his baby making junk. 

“Not yet, anyways,” I murmur with a smirk, enjoying the squirming he does at my words. He giggles and covers his face with both of his arms, exposing as well as hiding some of his tattoos. 

Propping my chin on my hand, my elbow finds a place on the mattress as my finger finds its way to his chest. I trace the numbers in my handwriting above his heart, so entirely grateful for this year and mostly all that it’s brought along with it. 

“Maybe one day I’ll have a baby with you.” 

I hear his wheezy laugh and the happy sigh, because they live inside of me too. His greens are stuck on me from between his peeking hands when I look over and my smile brightens. 

“If we’re havin’ kids, ‘s gonna be mo’ than one, ‘ll tell ya that right now, missy.” 

Somehow, my lips spread even wider, “How many then, Mr. Styles?” I pose aloud with a raise of my eyebrows at him. 

“Five.” 

“Harry!” I exclaim and he giggles from behind his hands that his eyes peek out from. At last, he drops them and peers across at me, making me believe in the cuteness that is triple chins. “Five children? Five mouths to feed, lunches to pack, activities to put them in, bedrooms, pairs of shoes, car seats, bums to change, new school clothes and well, new everything every year, and five babies for me to push out of my crotch?”

That really gets him going and soon, a deep chuckle rumbles through his chest and from his lips, but I really couldn’t be complaining. It sparks one from mine too, and only makes me think of what it would be like to do this with him every morning. One day, with a swaddled baby lying to the side, or on his chest. What have I started now? 

“Yes, five . . Five kids t’ cuddle, make memories with, take on adventures, introduce Harry Potter t’, bake and cook with, watch grow and do great things, have mosey into our bed at night, maybe teach guitar or piano t’ one or two, teach ‘em so many things, and I hope they all have yer eyes and yer laugh . . Can you imagine all that love, Becks?” Harry says, dreaming aloud with an effervescent look in his eye that I’ve only seen a few times before. “Hey, don’t you do that on yer birthday,” he tuts, but I’ve already started and go to sniffle into the crook of his neck. “Did I say sumthin’ wrong? ‘m sorry if ‘s too soon and-.” 

“No, you said everything . . right,” I whisper against his neck, the absence of words letting me feel how it moves with every tick of his pulse. Gulping, I wait for him to answer, but I get it when he begins to hum our song amidst running races up and down my back with his hand. 

“Maybe one day- Wait, no. Not ‘maybe,’ hopefully one day,” Harry coos as I stare into the darkness, but this time I’m not afraid or fleeing. I could never feel anything but safe in his arms, and I know our children would too. “Mmmm, ‘m lovin’ tha cuddlin’, but holy shit, am I warm!” he continues, our skin sticking together as he separates from me between our laughs.

+

After a few trips to the bathroom between us, Harry plops onto the bed and pulls me onto his lap. His lips sponge kisses along my cheek and his arms surround me, almost swallowing me with their span. 

“Well, are ya jus’ gonna stare at ‘em or go and open ‘em, bug?” he coos, the hairs on the back of my neck lifting at his words tickling my neck. Turning my head, my excited eyes connect with his, and he nods. “Go already,” he says, kissing me before I leave his arms. 

“Which one first?” I ask, crossing the bedroom to kneel in front of the line of gifts set before my dresser and our suitcases. 

“Whichever yer li’l heart desires,” he answers. I grab one of the smaller ones and look over to him. “Savin’ tha biggest one fer last, I see.” He folds his hands together, his long arms already turning golden this early in the summer, and so are his legs that his arms drape across. 

Giggling, I stand up and make a few trips to bring the presents to the bed. 

“Openin’ ‘em up here, are we?” Harry asks with dumbfounded astonishment gracing his tired features. 

“Mmmhmm,” is all I say as I settle onto his lap again, and relax when he wraps me up inside of his embrace. Tipping my head to rest on his shoulder, I stare down at the pink and purple flowers that branch across the crisp wrapping paper, and suddenly, it’s like for the second time. 

I’m not going to let it happen again. No, not sitting on the floor with his presents before me, and him so far away, if only a few steps. His chest rises and falls with rhythmic breaths and I remain there, moving my ear until I hear the song his heart plays, needing this to feel all the more real. A tear collects at the corner of my eye, reminding me that at times like these, I expect to blink and it’ll all be gone. I wait for myself to wake up from the dream, and to have him ripped away from me, just like all of those other times he was. 

But it doesn’t. 

I blink and the tear falls, and his lips rest in my hair, waiting for me. His large hand leaves waves and blossoms against my back, and hopes and promises. I make them too, just as silently against him. I promise myself that I’ll never give up on him, and although he doesn’t know, I promise that to him too. 

“Open it up, bug, what’re you waitin’ fer? ‘m dyin’ with anticipation here!” 

Smiling, I lift my head and don’t waste any time finding his lips with my own, just because I can. He moans a sound against mine and holds onto me, and I know that he would never let me go, either.

No, not again. 

“What was that fer?” he breathes half a minute later, staring deep into me. 

“Just ‘cause,” I respond and he only smiles back at me, but then he tips his head to meet mine, resting his forehead on mine. He winks and brushes his nose against mine a few times in a different kind of kiss. 

“I hope I get anotha one o’ those afta ya open yer presents.” 

“We’ll have to see about that, Mr. Styles,” I grin and he amplifies it with a snort, bumping his shoulder against mine to remind me of the present I hold, and his affable impatience.

+

Wrapping paper still litters the floor, so do purple bows, and Amazon boxes. The shadows of our mingled laughs pepper the air as his hair falls through my fingers, and his slow breaths are whispers against my skin. I let my head fall and my hair dance across his skin before my lips do, ever so gently. 

“Sweet dreams, love,” I barely whisper, careful to leave the bed without waking him. At the last second, I turn back and pull the comforter and quilt up his thighs covered in gray shorts, and past his bare shoulders. He’ll need it with his personal heater gone from his side, I think. 

Tip toeing across the room, I take careful steps around the pile of presents still sat by our suitcases. The elation and disbelief comes over me in another wave when I see them one by one, starting with the lilac colored Kitchenaid mixer. 

“Ya need it fer yer bakin’, love. I know tha kneadin’ part o’ recipes ‘s a bore, and yer handheld one was almost shot. We both know that. Maybe ‘m tellin’ you t’ bake fer me mo,’ I dunno,” he had laughed after my jaw had fallen to my chest, and his faced turned a proud crimson. 

“We’re already halfway in, might as well make sure we have tha whole boxset fer when we wanna rewatch it,” Harry told me after I had opened the large box with the five Friends’ faces on it, assuring me that it was just as much a present for him as it was for me. He had kept making it known that that was the theme, so I would stop complaining about him spoiling me too much. 

“I can’t take any credit fer that one, which ‘m quite sorry ‘bout, but mum wanted t’ knit ya sumthin’. Told her ya loved blankets, and here we are. Reckon I might have ya keep it at mine so I can steal it too,” runs through my head as I once again rub the chenille type yarn between my fingers at the end of the bed where the knit blanket lies. With a proud grin, I grab two corners and drape it over the sleeping man in my childhood, twin-sized bed, a dated McFly poster hanging over his head. 

“This one’s jus’ as much fer me as it ‘s fer you, too,” he kept saying, then for Paul McCartney’s second show at the O2, and then for another pair of tickets to his daughter Stella’s fashion show in just a few weeks.

The same phrase, give or take a few words, flowed from his lips when the bag of candles graced my hands. He explained that we nick so many candles from each other’s offices that it was only natural that he bought me some, seeing as how he’d be stealing some here soon, especially the Tobacco Vanilla, Whiskey Cedar, Sage and Lemon, and the highly coveted Cinnamon Roll one.

The cribbage board was just a bonus, him claiming that he could finally bring his office one home and keep mine at work for us to play on. 

What he couldn’t claim his rightful ownership to as well was the card full of unintelligible scribbles from Harper and Ollie, that thank the Gods, Gemma helped them write. The tears in my eyes since the first present grew and grew, and didn’t waver at the message of how Harper wanted to have a sleepover at Harry’s soon with me - nail painting, baking cookies, and all.

But, when I met his eyes with my sad, puppy dog pair, he melted right then and there.

“Harry, this is too much. I can’t accept all of this,” I had told him and he shook his head, lifting my own with his thumb to look in his eyes.

“Please, Becks. I-I hate t’ say it, but I have too much money than I know what t’ do with, and ‘ve been so excited to give you all of these. Don’t worry ‘bout tha money. Alright, my love?”

I gave in, and with the kisses he smothered me with, there was no way in hell I could say no to that face.

He stirs underneath the covers behind me, and so do my thoughts, but with a huff, Harry returns to snoring softly. I carefully open my suitcase and fish out my last clean outfit, and without a sound, walk across the hall and into the shower. 

I thought I had made out like a bandit, but when I slip back into my room in search of Post-Its and a pen, I find that somebody else is awake. 

“Where are you goin’, Becks?” they rasp, pulling themselves up to sit and the covers pool on his lap. Rubbing at his eyes, Harry cards a hand through his tousled curls, quickly yawning. 

“Oh, just to run an errand quick. Go back to bed, I won’t be gone long.” 

“Mmmm,” he groans, knuckling at his left eye. “Can’t it wait ‘til we leave this afternoon, bug? Y’know I can’t sleep without you, I get too cold, and miss havin’ you in me arms.” 

“No, it can’t. I’m sorry . . You’ll fall right back asleep, Harry, I promise,” I shush him, stepping forward and pressing on his shoulder, but he doesn’t fall back in any of the ways that I’d hoped. 

“I’ll come with, then. We can grab some pastries from that bakery you love fer brekky with yer dad.” 

“It’s okay, I will if you want. Please, Harry, go back to sleep. You were up late, you must have a headache from all of those drinks with Robbie. I dunno why you pair had to have a shots competition,” I insist, and my distraction makes a raspy laugh fall from his mouth. 

“I like yer brotha, y’know, he’s a funny git,” he drawls, rubbing his hands down his face once before pulling back the covers. “Can I come? ‘ll be mo’ awake after I have a shower.” 

“I dunno,” I nervously laugh, tucking a wet lock of hair behind my ear. Huffing, I smooth down the floral skirt of my dress and sit on the edge of my bed. Thoughts whizz around in my head, flying to that destination and the next, but this one isn’t sure where to go. 

“If ya really don’t want me t’, ‘s okay. ‘m sorry t’ pressure ya, babe.” 

“It’s okay, Harry. I’d like you to come, but . . I dunno,” I reveal, toying with the ring and starting at the corner of my eye, I watch his hands still my pair that wring each other. 

“Don’t hafta tell me if ya don’t wanna, I trust you y’know.” 

Nodding, I wonder how I had ever gotten so damn lucky with this one. A split second giggle tickles at my lips, and then the toying turns into twirling, and then, telling. 

“She would’ve been eighty-five today, I think,” the whisper fights to make itself known, and I can’t meet his eyes, but I think I hear it in his breathing when he connects the dots. The spinning of the ring, and the tracing of the flower, frozen in time. “I bring her flowers every year, just wildflowers I find on the side of the road. I’ve wanted to bring a cupcake and sing before blowing it out, but it seemed odd to eat it sitting there, when she can’t,” I continue, the frog jumping into my throat at the end there. 

His words are absent, but they’re the least bit of that and so is my surprise when my head meets his shoulder, and his fingers trickle through my hair. 

“You don’t have to come with, if you don’t want to,” I pipe up, grabbing hold of the smooth chain around his neck. The swallows beckon for me, and I trace their wings slowly, wondering how silky they’d feel if they were alive on his chest. 

“I’d like t’ come with, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, it’s more than okay,” I respond, my thumb and finger holding onto the cross when my arms go around his neck, and he lifts me onto his lap. 

“I wish I coulda met her, yer Grandma Ann . . but bringin’ flowers t’ her grave sounds rather special too. Yer tha sweetest, Becks, y’know that?” 

“So do I, she would’ve loved you,” I say, watching the tear glide down the slope of his back, and past the golden hairs lit by the sunrise behind the curtains. 

“Does yer dad go with you?”

“Sometimes, maybe he will today.” 

“‘d like that,” Harry coos, drawing the letters of my name, one by one, along my spine. I only know that because he’d told me last night when I couldn’t fall asleep, and he was happily buzzed.

I think that’s why I couldn’t, because how could my dreams beckon for me when my life was finally better than anything I could dream about?

+

“Ya mean it, tha best ever? In tha whole, entire history o’ birthdays, ever and ever?” they titter and its feeling against my cheek brings one forth onto my lips. 

“You’re so silly, but yes. I had an amazing birthday, Harry. One to remember.” 

“Good, bug. ‘m glad t’ hear. Only tha best fer me favourite girl,” he coos, dragging his nose along my cheek. 

“Maybe next year for my birthday you can grow your hair out again for my birthday present.” 

“Oh, really? That’s whatcha want? Hmm, I was thinkin’ o’ givin’ you a baby fer yer twenty-eighth,” he giggles, the rich smell of coffee hinting on his breath. Now, it’s my turn to giggle and I share it into his neck, our chests bumping when he pulls me closer. I steal a kiss from his swallow and nuzzle in deeper as he drapes the blanket his mum knitted for me over us, sinking further into his sofa. 

“Stop it with the baby talk, marriage comes first, dumbo.” 

“Fine then, ‘ll getchu a ring fer yer birthday,” he continues and I hide my reddening cheeks in the place between his shoulder and neck. Monica laughs at something on the TV behind us, but my focus darts to the melodic kisses he sponges along my neck, and his nose nudging at my shirt. 

“Shush it, I’m not going anywhere,” I insist, revealing my scarlet cheeks to his smiling eyes. 

“Better not, I dunno what ‘d do if ya did.” 

“It’s a good thing neither of us have to worry about that, huh?” I return, tapping my finger on his nose. He nods and brushes his thumb under my eye where he often traces the imperfection that lives there. 

“‘m lookin’ forward t’ mo’ weekends at yer Dad’s. It was loads o’ fun gettin’ t’ see where ya grew up, tha house ya grew up in, yer old schools, tha park at tha pond, and bloody hell, that night out back by tha bonfire,” he says, words falling into a sound of happiness. “I can’t remember tha last time I had so much Tequila. Fook, can that brotha o’ yers drink, and yer dad too. And that pizza yer dad made, ugh, ‘m gonna need anotha one o’ those soon. I miss playin’ board games so much like that, I see where ya get tha love o’ it from. I ‘specially loved playin’ on yer family piano with you, reckon we might make a good pair if we practice some mo’.” 

Giggling, I agree with him as my fingers mingle with his necklace, “Yeah, it was a birthday to remember, that’s for sure.” 

“Reckon so, and I couldn’t be gladder to hear that, bug. Remember last year’s wasn’t tha best, you’ve said. I hope they only get betta and betta, my love,” Harry croons, and I nod, sure that they will. 

It all seems to be a hill that I get to climb by his side, but it’s the least bit tiring, and all the more exhilarating with every step that I take. 

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 22

oooh man, its time to feel some EMOTIONS!

I'm BACK after a hiatus, which was due in part to me getting my 1st dose of the covid vaccine! woohoo!

anyways, starting here w/issue 22....we have a great cover w/thunderclash, the legend himself

oof. the covers made me forget how much I don't like the art this issue...I hate to be mean to the artists but this art style just isn't doin it for me chief

god I love this issue though. the framing device of rewind’s movie is so so fantastic

tailgate listing off all his fake awards/accomplishments....ily 

rodimus my boy, you're a prime in my heart

the ‘not a decepticon’ label for cyclonus is so much hvbhkjfbskjf

I literally wanna comment on every single panel bc I love all the characters so much but then id be here forever...that being said whirl ily sm 

hvbjdfbhsfjhdfshja BRAINSTORM ‘according to perceptor - ships genius’ hvhdkjhbfhjs ily dumb gay idiot

and then the cut to perceptor after brainstorm like, blew up his lab vjbkdsfnbksjf dude

GODDDDDD drift ‘your name...defines you. it’s your soul expressed in syllables. hm? oh, yes, sorry. it’s drift.’ GOD he’s so fucking funny. I love early story hippy drift

god I cant stop thinking about how good this whole issue would be as an animated show...like, specifically rewinds film, it would be SO FUCKING GOOOOOOD mtmte show WHEN

rewiiiiind ;_; I fuckgin love rewind god. fellow video editing enthusiast....

ohhhh rodimus being embarrassed about his big speech at the beginning of mtmte....my boy I love u so much

gjhnbgehjsrkfbjksf magnus being suspicious of rewind oh my god. magnus ily but please, look at the lil guy, he’s a good boy, most of the time

the fuckgin footage that magnus removed hbvhakjbfhskf god. wasn't that intended to be footage of magnus dancing? I love him

minibot squad.....

and here it begins, the mystery stick rung question...

poor rung oh my god he’s just trying to polish his lil spaceship and people r throwing shit at him. taking Ls as per usual it seems

hand grenade tag hvbfjksdnfbkjdf love that callback

noooo rungs ship :( 

magnus’s censorship vhbhadkjfhdbhjsakjhfn

oh man I forgot about how they met that race of Transformers But More 

the one-upsmanship hbvkajsbehfjks

whirrrrrl lmao I love whirl sm

goddddd whirl just killing that other alien and ending the 16 million yr long civil war bvkjsdbfhjjkafs so fucking much

oh god oh god the ‘are you happy’ page, I'm not emotionally equipped to handle this like, ever

but I will say I feel like it would be EVEN MORE oof if it were milne or someone drawing it bc I feel like this art style takes away from some of the impact bc the expressions aren't really that...expressive? idk how to put it

anyways. every single answer destroys me!!! like even the happy ones, like chromedome and rewind and tailgate - well, in present time, none of those three are doing so hot, so that makes this just hurt 

and rung....that is so fucking depressing. jesus. this guy is so fuckng sad, somebody get him a friend stat

and swerve...ouch. this readthru I've really noticed how much early-mtmte swerve is not-so-subtly like, crying out for help bc he’s so alone and shit. jesus 

also brainstorms response is just plain ole sad w/context, but at this point in the story without context, it just seems very foreboding lmao. I'm realizing this readthru that brainstorm is very sketchy and ominous in a particular ‘is he evil?’ mad scientist sorta way in early mtmte

and then everyone else is also just so OOF in their own unique sad ways, but I think the worst out of everyone is drift....GODDDDDD. especially considering that at this point in the story, drift is this kinda goofy hippy guy, so seeing him just sit there with his face in his hand, not even answering the question...AND knowing that shortly after this he’ll end up banished...IT FUCKING HURTS M8!

meanwhile, the more upbeat ‘quest to see rungs alt mode’ continues...with an ‘alt mode party’ vhbadkjsdfnabskjf it looks so silly with a bunch of cars just sitting around a table lmao

I cant even tell who everyone is bc they so rarely turn into cars n shit lmaoooooo 

rodimus with the bucket on his head hbvhakjbfskjf I CANT

everyone’s reactions to thunderclash...i fucking love it

the fact that TAILGATE doesn't hate him, even though we’ve seen that tailgate tends to dislike people who are universally liked/who have achieved a lot of impressive things

rodimus you petty thot vbdkjbfdjhsakjdf ily

RODIMUS IS SO FUNNYYYYYY ‘I'm not making all these sacrifices and leading these guys into battle and being inspirational - I'm not doing that because it makes me look good’ RODIMUS VBHSKJDFNBKSJF

thunderclash talking about magnus’s article on typefaces....hdbksjfsdbkjgfb bro

AND THEN MAGNUS HUGS HIM....HGBSKJFDSHFKD I CANT

POOR DRIFT bvhajkdfbhjkjsfd rodimus saying he ‘rehabilitated him’ oh my god

the whole spectralism thing...im sorry I cant get over how funny all this is vbakdjfbksjf thunderclash rlly b out here charming rodimus’s entire crew

and then ratchet comes in, calling tc ‘thunders,’ and tc immediately notices ratchets new hands (somehow) hvbkjfhbskjf truly amazing

it cracks me up that rodimus is all 😒😒 at thunderclash, even though as we come to find out, tc really IS That Perfect, and him complimenting rodimus isn't sarcasm at all lmao

AND THEYRE LOOKING FOR THE KNIGHTS OF CYBERTRON TOO HVSDHFJBSHKHDFJS OF COURSE

the vis vitalis being a life support machine spaceship is a really cool concept tho

‘rescuing some orphans from an exploding sun’ I fucking cant

evil guy: [holds a gun to thunderclash’s head] 

rodimus: :D finally something doesn't go his way!

he’s so petty I’m..........dkdjhfdabhduifadijgl

and its the aliens from earlier! oooh

GODDD I forgot that swerve used rung in mystery stick mode to SCHWACK the guy

rung casually dropping the fact that the functionists like, experimented on him...there's a lot of implications there, and that'll certainly be explored more later...

the fact that his ID card says ‘rong’ hvbhjakhdsbfakhsjfn 

oughufadkfujbsfk the circle of light throwing wrenches n shit at skids...guys cmon vbhsdjkfnslfd

the circle of light is like ‘wtf you all have trauma and a bunch of weird unhealthy coping mechanisms this is wack byeeeee’ lmao

skids calling the lost light his home is rlly sweet tho

cant believe the religious space hippy cult is being so rude about a film made by a guy who died like a week ago. unreal 

cd finally figured out how to make the pffft sound, good for him

AUGHHHHH the fact that rewind used ‘little victories’ as the title of the film and that's something that chromedome said in the video ;_; I'm fucking inconsolable 

rodimus, despite his obvious posturing for the camera during the whole issue, comes off as surprisingly genuine when he says that he hasn't thought about his own future much, but wants the crew to have a happy ending....im gonna cry

‘who knows what's around the corner?’ tailgate, PLEASE don't say that, oh my god, 

OUGHHHH GROUP SHOT 

OHHH mannnnNNNNN i love this issue SO MUCH. what a good fun emotional rollercoaster wrap-up to mtmte s1. god. 

like, this issue has it all - humor, drama, crippling sadness, intrigue, worldbuilding...it’s so excellent 

and getting to see rewind again hurts so bad but also I love him

ok quick mtmte s1 retrospective...god s1 is so fucking good. I'm gonna have to read more to say which chunk of mtmte I liked best but s1 is so fucking excellent that it might be my favorite. though its hard to pick bc there's so much good stuff later on too...whatever, the point is s1 is so so good

the plotlines and characters are fucking stellar. like I cant even believe how well Everything works, its very impressive. I cant really think of anything major that made me go ‘yeah could've done without that plotline/character’

I love how dedicated jro is to connecting everything. I've mentioned it before but basically every single moment in the series has payoff - what you initially think is just a funny moment, or a fluffy character establishment bit, ends up ALSO being an important plot point later, in some way

an example would be here w/rung and his alt mode - it just seems like a fun little B-plot for this issue, and seems to pretty neatly conclude with the reveal that rung was eventually classified as an ‘ornament’ (lmao)...but we later on get to see a lot more about this, both here and in the functionist universe 

and like, stuff like tailgate’s autobot lessons w/magnus - at first that can be seen as purely character establishment stuff, showing that magnus is a strict rule-lover and tg is a loveable try-hard good boy - but that becomes plot relevant in remain in light, with tailgate saving the day due to his knowledge of the autobot code (and its also character relevant, with magnus’s arc in remain in light). 

and I know this is like. a normal regular thing in writing, but I'm just very impressed about how cleanly jro pulls it off, and how many things he’s juggling at once, especially in early mtmte - it’s very ambitious!

and we gotta remember, this is a comic book. I've read a lot of comic books, and the quality is all over the place. a lot of writers bite off more than they can chew, and the story ends up kinda scattered as a result. 

another thing I see a lot in franchise writing like this is a lack of strong early character establishing due to the author assuming the readers are at least somewhat familiar with the characters already - which can be totally fair depending on where it is in the continuity, but other times it can come off as lazy

in mtmte, the cast is extremely well fleshed out, and not only that, the cast itself is unique in that there are a lot of relative unknowns (franchise-wise) - which I think was an absolutely brilliant move, because then jro was able to essentially create The Definitive Version of these characters - characters like swerve, brainstorm, chromedome, rewind, tailgate...mtmte is their baseline characterization, because they haven't really appeared in much else

this also allows for deviation from the franchise norms - again, a comic book classic is good writing being stifled by a need to stick to a certain status quo regard the characters, the world, the powers, relationships, etc

(I've mostly read DC comics, and some marvel, so I'm thinking superheroes w/all these comic comparisons)

so mtmte had a good recipe for genuine creativity in that the characters were relative unknowns, the plot was basically ‘space road trip,’ the status quo of ‘autobot vs decepticon war’ had been demolished throughout the entire franchise...so jro was able to take all that and run, and it turned out so fantastic

and luckily it isn't over yet! so many comics suffer from premature cancellation...and sadly mtmte/ll isn't exempt from this, as we’ll see later, but I've seen some awful ones, where comics are forced to wrap up in like 2 issues while in the middle of an arc. yikes. 

but another comic staple...one of my least favorite things about comics books in general...something that was basically responsible for driving me away from comics after reading a bunch...the dreaded crossover event

yep, even mtmte isn't immune to this unfortunate plague on the comic industry. crossover events are the absolute worst, and I'm saying this as somebody who adores crossovers (in concept more than execution usually). they SHOULD be my favorite, but unfortunately they p much always completely suck

they're essentially a ploy to get you to read the other ongoing titles, but they usually only serve to bog down whatever story you're reading to the point where you don't even wanna read that one anymore, let alone read all the other ongoings. at least, that’s been my experience 

it doesn't help that reading orders tend to be hard to find/keep track of, and that you need to go read the other series to know what's going on. I just hate it, like, I came here to read THIS series, I don't want a bunch of other series showing up too - even if I was reading two series, I wouldn't want them crossed over, because they're separate stories! augh!

I'm totally losing my focus here but my point is...crossover events suck, and mtmte unfortunately is involved in one. I have not read dark cybertron, and I'm not about to. I've heard nothing but bad things so I have no desire to inflict that upon myself 

soooo ill be reading through the tfwiki articles for those issues to give myself a better understanding of what went on - which is more than I've ever done in the past - and maybe ill even make a single post summarizing my thoughts on what I read in the wiki, lmao

but yea ill be skipping to the mtmte s2 stuff next 

phew ok I'm super tired, my vision keeps blurring out and stuff lmao. its time for bed, I probably have more thoughts but ill save them for later. for now...peace out!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #310

“i get pretty just to fuck my face up.”

Do you have a clock in your room? No. What book, movie, TV show, or video game have you been wanting to start up? I *want* to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but I care more about reading Wings of Fire, so I probably realistically won't for a long time. I don't read enough for that; Sutherland will surely keep pumping out books in the series so I'll never catch up, haha. As for a movie, I've been interested in seeing Jacob's Ladder for a very long time; it served as a very large influence on the Silent Hill series, and boy, anyone who brings up video games in front of me knows SH is my SHIT. I also just know I'm bound to like it with how essentially legendary it is in the psychological horror genre, which is my favorite. Onto TV show, I'm not certain. Shows don't really interest me. I would like to keep watching A:TLA w/ Sara, but "start up" implies beginning something new, so. Lastly, video games. There are a LOT of games I want to play, but yeah, I have no operational gaming console above a PS2. I'm dyinnnngggggg to play a ton of PS4 remasters (namely the original Spyro the Dragon trilogy and SoTC), but as for a fresh game I've never experienced, Ico, which is from the same producers of Shadow of the Colossus. It's an old game, and Mom's bought it off of Ebay for me twice, but neither disc worked - they froze only minutes into the game. It's hella expensive in new condition though because of its age... so who knows when I'll actually get to play it. Do you put anything else on your grilled cheese sandwiches? Just butter. Have you ever read a book in a different language? I've read some simple fairy tales as well as the play Faust in German courses. Do you want to go to the Harry Potter theme park at Universal? I have no connection with the franchise, but I mean, I'd go if you're paying, haha. If you had a secret room in your house, how would you decorate it? I'm trying to think what kind of room I'd keep a secret... Ha, actually, IF my love of tarantulas expands so largely to having dozens (which I doubt, but I acknowledge the possibility once I get my own place), a room kept on the down low to others just for them would be pretty cool. Imagine someone not knowing they're sharing a house with like, a hundred Ts, haha. As for actual decor, I'm unsure. I'd definitely keep it generally dark for them as nocturnal creatures, maybe with some Halloween decorations, like lots of fake webbing and neon green or orange lights. Man... that sounds dope. What did you get your dad for his last birthday? I couldn't buy him anything, nor did I actually make anything since I didn't know what to create. I just told him happy birthday, of course. Do any of your relatives live in another country? No. Are you claustrophobic? In some spaces, yes. Ever seen Blair Witch? Without spoilers, you know "that part" near the end? Yeah, if you've seen it, you know. That would be a fucking NIGHTMARE for me. Even watching it made me squirm. When grocery shopping, do you usually buy brand names or store brand? With most items anyway, we just get the store brand bc we cheap. Around what time do you usually eat dinner? Generally between 5:30-6:30 nowadays. Do you have any clothing that you get dry cleaned? No. Do you like foods with coconut in it? Eugh, not a coconut fan. I don't hate it as much as I used to, but I still don't like it. Have you ever researched your family history? No, but some past relative researched our family tree. Have you ever had surgery that kept you in the hospital for over a day? No. Do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? I hate carrots. Did you play with Legos as a kid? Nah, I was more into Lincoln Logs. Which bothers you more… spelling mistakes or bad grammar? It really depends on the severity and simplicity of the spelling or grammar rule. Grammatical misuse of "there/their/they're" stand out very strongly to me, though. Have you ever bought anything off of eBay? Yeah, a good number of things. Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? I have a scizophrenic half-sister that I've never met, so I couldn't tell you. How organized is your mind? How do you know it's organized/disorganized? My mind is running Windows '98 with multiple windows and even more tabs open, all of them not responding. :^) Why do you follow the religion that you do? I don't follow one. My personal religious journey was a train wreck liberating to jump off of. Do you feel superior to others because you're that religion? I don't care if you're atheist, Christian, Buddhist, Islamic, whatever - you are by no means superior to another person in any way just because you believe different things happen once you die. If you do, it's time for some introspection. Are you a blind believer, or do you frequently challenge your own beliefs? Seeing as I went from Catholic to Christian to briefly Neo-Pagan-ish to what I am now, just believing there's some higher power/knowledge and some form of sentience after death, I obviously challenge them. What's the greatest thing about science? Life itself. This universe, this planet, your state of just knowing is a product of science, and that's pretty damn beautiful. Are you emotional or very stolid? I know I'm too emotional. I'm trying to get better about it. Do your siblings look like you? To a degree, but not NEARLY as much as they look like each other. Ashley and Nicole have been mistaken multiple times in their lives and even asked if they're twins. How many states have you lived in? Just this shitty one. How many states have you traveled through/vacationed in? Traveled through, a whole lot. Up and down the east coast. I've stayed in New York, Florida, Ohio, Illinois, South Carolina briefly, and I think possibly Michigan as a baby. Which state was/is your favorite? I don't know. Not NC, haha. You have two weeks alone in any place in the world; where would you go? Alone? Um... I dunno. I'd get lonely through two weeks in absolute isolation. How old were you when you first moved out of your parents' home? I want to say I was 18 when I briefly "moved in" with Jason and our roommates. Did you ever have to move back in? Yeah; the apartment didn't last very long. None of us were ready. How old were you when you thought you were "in love" for the first time? I was in love at 16. I'd fight God literally for eternity to prove that fact. How many exterior doors are in your home? Two, or maybe three, depending on your outlook. We have like this deck in the back with a roof and mesh separating you from the outside, and then you properly go into the yard from the door beyond that. How many cars have you owned? I myself, none. How many email accounts do you have? Ummmm my very first one I misspelled, so I didn't use it long before making a new one with the correct spelling, then later I had no choice but to make a Gmail to use YouTube, and I know I've had at least one email specifically for school. I'm probably forgetting some other oldies I used for small things. What was the last movie you watched alone? The Shining. What (if any) one television program do you watch religiously every day/week? None. What (if any) is your favorite sport? Dance. Scoff at that shit and then try one dance session and tell me it's not one. What is your favorite musical? None. Have you ever seen a live opera production? No. Dressing up for an evening out: Pants or skirt? Pants. I don't show my legs. What do you currently hear right now? I'm listening to Dance With the Dead's "The Man Who Made a Monster." I LOVE the aesthetic of synthwave and rock mixed together, but the only problem I have with this song is that it's very repetitive. Still stuck in my head though, haha. What type of survey do you refuse to take? I'm not into bolding surveys, specifically. Do you like to run? bitch fuck no Do you think you could run the mile in 10 minutes? Zero chance. What was the longest movie you watched? Hm, I don't remember... It's faintly there in my head, I just can't identify it... Have you ever been to a job interview? Well yeah. Who was the last person to call you? My psychiatrist. Now that I'm doing the partial hospitalization program again, he calls once a week. When was the last time you talked to your last ex boyfriend? Uhhh I think around the start of this month? Missed him and felt like chatting for a bit. Is your dog mixed or full? I don't have a dog, buuuut... we're getting one soon! I'm quite sure she's a mutt. What was the last thing you and your mother did together? Rode to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Do you take good pictures? I like to think so. What is your display picture on myspace/facebook right now? The most recent selfie I took and liked. I'm finally comfortable using makeupless photos as a display picture. :') Not that I like my body by any means, I just don't care enough to feel like I HAVE to wear makeup to be even remotely pretty in the face. As for everywhere else... ahahaha. What is going on outside right now? It's raining. Like it has been for what feels like literally weeks - and it might actually have been. There's been one or two sunny days in a huge streak of just nothing but rain. It's so gross outside by now; we've been under a flood warning for days on end. Who was the last person you kissed? My best friend, but we were dating then. What color looks the best on you? Black. Have you ever bought the wrong size because you were too lazy to check it? Oh, absolutely. I LOATHE trying on clothes. You have to essentially drag me to go do it. I don't have a good reason other than I don't want to, lol. What was the last thing you bought over 5 dollars? I put down the deposit on my tattoo. c: Do you have any mag subscriptions? No. What is something you're not scared of but a lot of people are? Snakes are probably the highest on the list. I adore snakes, all snakes. Would you ever have a threesome? No; I'm strictly monogamous and to me would be cheating even if your partner was in on it. Are you an U.S. citizen? Yep. Do you have any step siblings? I have a stepbrother, yeah, but I don't see him as my brother, honestly. He's a very quiet and reclusive guy I've had almost no conversations with, and they've only ever been short. Do they annoy you? Nah, he's fine. How many times a day do you talk to your mom on the phone? Well, we live together... What did you wear yesterday? The same pjs I'm in now. I'm changing when I take a shower later. The tank top is a Day of the Dead-esque skull pattern, while the pants are mostly navy with skulls and candy can crossbones that say "nice until proven naughty" arching over and beneath them. They were a Christmas gift from my sis and are really soft and comfortable. Really don't care that it's now out of season, I wear them anyway. I do not match colors AT ALL, but again, I don't care. What color straightener do you have? We don't have one; neither Mom or I use one. Do you listen to music really loud or really low? Turn that shit up LOUD. I'll be nearly deaf one day, but... worth it? lol Do you live with anybody other than your siblings and your parents? No. Both my sisters have moved out. I'm still here because I'm just not emotionally or financially equipped to live on my own yet. Who was your last crush? I still like my best friend, but agree with her that right now isn't the time for anything. How many tattoos do you have? Currently only six. :( What is your favorite thing to do? Car rides with Mom while I ride passenger, controlling the music nice and loud with my iPod. It's odd, considering I'm very afraid of being on the road, but it's just such a freeing, wild feeling to blare music and just go, letting your mind wander. How many pets do you own? I only have a cat and a snake right now, but we're getting a dog hopefully very soon, preferably today actually when Mom has to go to the appropriate city for her normal check-up to keep her cancer at bay. Her name is Vanna and sounds so perfect for us. Mom can barely wait. Are you close with your parents? Yes, very, Mom especially. Where do you shop the most for your clothes? Hot Topic or Wal-Mart. I'd really like more stuff from Rebel's Market; they have such a wide range of stuff that just scream my aesthetic. I got my purse from there, and it's fantastic quality and so cool-looking. Have you ever read a whole series of books? Well, one trilogy that I remember: Shiloh. I adored those books and the movies. I got very, very deep into Warriors by Erin Hunter, but then my interest in reading waned, and I'm immensely behind. I don't think I'll pick it up again, but I've thought briefly about it. When you tell someone you love them do you mean it? Yes. Are you going to walk at your graduation or just pick your diploma up? I walked. Do you ever eat anything everybody else thinks is gross? Hm, perhaps. I'd have to think for a while. What did you do for your last birthday? I just ate pizza at home with my one sister that was free that day, Mom, and a family friend, as well as opened presents. What do you plan on doing for your 18th birthday? I don't recall, but I think that may have been when I was in the psych hospital. Or was that my 21st? I don't remember. Do you have to type with good grammer? Yes. I type pretty much exactly how I talk. What is your favorite quote? It's hard to pick one singular favorite. Are you allowed to cuss in front of your parents? Dad could care less, but I try to limit myself with Mom, especially with "fuck." She's not a fan, nor does she like if I just swear too much in front of her. Like she won't yell at me or anything, she just makes it clear she wants me to stop. How long was your last phone conversation? Just a couple minutes. I didn't get the Zoom link to group therapy one day and let the place know. Turns out their email was fucking up. Which one of your friends annoy you? The family friend I mentioned a few questions above has the ability to be incredibly aggravating. I love her, but she has zero issue with inserting herself into everything (and sometimes we just don't want to see her), and she voices incredibly rude opinions literally no one asks for a whoooole lot. She's got a strong tendency to try to take control over every situation. Her being our landlord now makes it harder to speak up, and besides, no one wants to hurt her feelings. Don't be mistaken though, she truly is an incredible person with a heart more caring than probably any person I know. Have you ever lost a close friend to death? No, thank fuck. I mean, I think. I do believe one of my childhood online friends committed suicide because of sexual abuse from her own fucking brother, but I guess I'll never know. She was talking to me one night horribly depressed and scared and then just vanished. Bless her, I loved her. Do you know someone who suffers from addiction? Yes. Do you have a lot of pictures in your room? Tons of posters and artwork, anyway. I currently don't have any photographs, but I got this shadowbox thing for my bday to decorate with pictures of Teddy so I can use it in my "tribute shrine" or whatever for him, and I'd also like to frame the picture of Sara's and my first hug and maybe put it on my bedside table. Do you have Facebook? Yeah, I do. Have you ever found a dog/cat on the side of the road? I myself, no, but a friend's mom did find two poor kittens thrown aside in a fucking plastic bag... Some people are abominable. Knowing how much my family loved cats, she reached out to us, and we took them in and named them Aphrodite and... I can't remember the other's name. She disappeared kinda early. Aphrodite wound up being one of my most beloved cats and was even the mother of a kitten that same family adopted. Delilah is still alive, doing wonderfully, and incredibly loved. <3 Aphrodite, meanwhile, as well as all our other cats at the time, were taken by animal control because our neighbors were tired of them wandering, even though they were too fucking cowardly to confront us first. I've said in many surveys that I am very much against outdoor cats, but I wasn't then because I was uninformed and really didn't understand. I wailed and sobbed and just pure shrieked like a banshee outside when we came home to learn they were taken. I have no clue how any are now, and that's the worst part. Do you go bowling in your town? We are in the middle of a pandemic, lol. Even beforehand though, I rarely went. Last time I did was on a date with Girt. We had fun. Do you have a drive-in theater? No sir. What brand is your favorite shoe? Converse. Is your best friend's mom like your own? They're quite similar, yes. Both are very sweet and caring for others. Do you have anxiety or depression? Try both. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Sonic. Do you own a pair of brass knuckles? Nah. Have you and your friends ever made up a word? Likely as kids. Do you have any embarrassing baby pictures of yourself? Not that I know of. What is the worst smell in the world? Anyone remember that survey I took mentioning my dog's old tumor? Yeah, that after he spent overnight in a diaper and inevitably peed himself in his old age. And he had a UTI. You probably can't even imagine how fucking vomit-inducing that smell was. Do you dye your hair a lot? No. :/ I really wish. I have so many colors I wanna try. Do you have anybody in your family who rides dirtbikes/fourwheelers? Not really? No one in my family owns one. My younger sister would totally go if you asked her and had one for her to use, though. She's done it plenty before. Have you ever rode a dirtbike/fourwheeler? Yeah, a fourwheeler, and it's really fun! Tell me how you got one of your scars? Hmmm, let's think of a unique one. Ah, my shins, left one especially. When I shave my legs, they get unbelievably itchy, even if I use lotion, and I would scratch my skin absolutely raw so often that I have permanent scars. It's partially why I barely shave my legs anymore. Have you ever had a friend who cut themselves? I know many, sadly. I don't know of any that still do, thankfully. I promise, it never helps. If you ever have the urge, I can't suggest enough running where you want to self-harm under cold water or slap the location (like your wrist) with a rubber band. The latter is especially helpful. It's a similar burning sensation and doesn't leave marks. It would help me refrain sometimes. What is your favorite thing to do in the summer? Swim in a nice, warm pool. Otherwise, become a hermit and wait for the outdoors to not be prepared to melt the flesh off my bones. x_x Do you go tanning or do you lay out? Neither, ugh. As you can guess from above, I hate the sensation of heat on me. What is your favorite skin lotion? I just really like cocoa butter. Smells really good and is perfectly moisturizing. Do you use a lot of hair products? The only hair product I use is shampoo, haha. Do you have a cousin you dislike? No. Well, one is incredibly brainwashed and misled by her psychopath of a father, but I love her nonetheless. We talk now and again because family is important to her. Have you ever heard Theory of a Deadman? Yeah, they're good. What is your comfort food? Absolutely ice cream. Who is your celebrity crush? Mark Fischbach/Markiplier is a perfect human being with the looks of a god and heart of a saint and you cannot convince me otherwise. What’s the song you most wish you had written? "Imagine" by John Lennon is a high contendant, for sure. Definitely something I'd write. Have you ever been stuck by someone very annoying on a plane/bus/etc? I think so at one point or another. Did you get lost at all on your first day of high school? Ha, for sure. Have you ever been interrupted during sex? A bitch knows how to act asleep if she hears a door so much as barely squeak, I'll tell you that much lmaooo. Have you ever been recorded doing stupid things while drunk? No. Has a significant other ever called you by the wrong name? No. Have you ever cooked anything and it turned out horrible? I've barely actually cooked anything in order TO fuck up. Have you ever made a bad first impression on someone’s parents? I can't say with certainty, but I think Jason's mom had her doubts about me at first because she commented on the ripped jeans I wore when I went to his house for the first time. She came to love me like her own though, and I love(d) her. I was actually just thinking about her and how she's doing the other day. What is a food that you always are in the mood to eat? Always? Perhaps sour candy, like Sour Punch Straws in specific. Ever held a newborn animal? Many kittens, yes. Do you make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? I do, but just for the annual appeal of it. I don't actually believe it will have any effect on what I wished, it's just... normal, ig. What is the last thing you searched for online? Medical coding classes. Having trouble finding any free ones that are actually legit... Is it wicked hard for you to sleep when it's hot in your room? It's borderline impossible. Do you dunk your cookies in milk? Sometimes, and almost always with Oreos. Do medical terms make you uncomfortable? Ha, speaking of medical coding... No, not really. It's unnerving to hear "you have _____," but I understand it can be something so, so minor. Of course, it could be the exact opposite, but. I also actually find it quite interesting to learn the Latin roots of the terms. Are you afraid of failure? Beyond measure. Have you been called a bad influence? Yes, to my former friend's son. Not that that witch of a woman was a great person. I'd love to know how an infant can be negatively affected by receiving nothing but love from his "aunt," also having no concept of understanding about me being unemployed and not very "adult-ish" in general, which I'm sure is what she meant. Normally judgment hits me deep, but that shit I just rolled my eyes at.

[jae-canikeepyou]

| untold | j.jh

pairing: jaehyun x fem!reader genre: angst + fluff a/n: idk but i just feel like breaking your hearts. badly written bc ur girl doesn’t proof read at all hahaha :p fluffy ending since angst endings hits the heart hard. anyway enjoy reading~

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a sigh from your boyfriend made the atmosphere more tense than before. you both had arrived to his apartment. even at the car earlier, he did not say a word. however the silence was enough for you know what was on his mind.

your friends and acquaintances did say lucky you, for you to hung out with the campus’ star and he didn’t seem to dislike your presence. it hasn’t been a year since you’ve said yes and gotten together with him. he was on every girl’s head and the man of their dreams. it wasn’t all luck and good times though. there’ve been fights with jaehyun, so often that you both had on each other’s nerves. it was normal to fight.

but to jaehyun? not so much.

especially when your relationship was a secret to everyone.

jaehyun sat tiredly on the sofa, no energy to even change his clothes. he looked at you where your heavy eyebags became more visible each day. you wanted to speak but you did know what you were getting yourself into when you did.

you huddled yourself beside him, in hopes he would talk to you. he had his arms wrapped around your waist. “y/n, why are we still doing this in secret?”

“do i have to explain myself again, jae?” you asked. “my parents.. they’re kind but they’re also strict and it’s hard to get my words to them.”

“i know but it’s hard on me too. as a man it kinda hurts my pride when my girlfriend’s.. afraid of what people might think and-”

“it’s not that i’m afraid..” you sighed as you rubbed circles on his palms.

“look, i’m fine if you wanted to keep us a secret at school, but i’m not gonna spend time pretending when i’m off-school too.”

ouch. you didn’t know how much the wound had hurt him, his honey voice turned bad. it was hard for him to endure months of hiding your relationship from everyone, his and your parents included.

you didn’t utter a word after he said that, even if you had a lot of things to say. he might view them as excuses. on the other hand, jaehyun understood the results of dating the daughter of the dean. yes, which explained why you were hard to get, closed off from dating and to focus on academics. your parents had eyes on you 24/7, but you knew they were doing it for your own good.

but he saw it differently and probably took it as a challenge. you were shackled from your parents’ discipline and orders. he knew you were kindhearted and loved them a lot so in one time during lecture, he befriended you and thought you were fun to be with despite not having friends who were ladies. and in the process of getting to know you, he fell in love.

“just a little longer i promise i’ll tell them.” you said softly.

“really? they’ll probably be cross if you tell them now. we should’ve told them when we were still new.” he slid his body to sit on the carpeted floor. his voice colder than usual. “might’ve changed their minds.”

“do you think i got a choice? i’m at a hard place right now.” you furrowed your brows.

he scoffed a laugh, a bitter one. “you got a choice to either break their rules or break my heart.” he spat in a higher tone. “choice, right?”

your quarrels with him were always about this certain topic. nothing else. your eyes stung with thin air, forming tears that you didn’t want them to fall. they did and there was no helping to it. a sniff from you made jaehyun turn around.

he never saw you cry, and it broke his heart seeing your weak self coping with the situation. his mind thought of a lot things that maybe he was too harsh on you. maybe he had put more pressure than it did before you both dated. but who knew? for now he just wanted to stop the innocent tears that were damping his clothes.

you felt constant rubs on your knees, probably his way of comfort as this was a first for him. he was facing you but you chose not to look at him in the eyes. “why does it sound like you think you’re not worth for me?”

jaehyun shot up at your words. “y/n i didn’t mean-”

“or am i not worth it to be yours? you got my heart but it seemed like you didn’t take it fully.” you said between hiccups. “ever since i told you about my parents.”

“nonono babe.” he pulled you to his embrace where you were wrapped by his frame. “you are worth it. i’m just frustrated at the fact that i’m not seeing things in a bigger picture. please don’t think that i don’t love you enough.”

you just sobbed and to him this was new. jaehyun nuzzled himself onto your neck. “oh y/n, i just think saying out loud means it’s real.”

“and hiding us does not make us real?” you sniffed, only to be stopped when your phone buzzed. “i gotta take this.”

jaehyun hit himself internally. stupid. he heard tiny voices telling him he has a handsome face but a fire tongue— qualities of a turn-off.

“hi mom.” your hoarse voice echoed the living area. “no no i’m not crying. i’m not feeling well that’s all. mhm..”

your soft voice and the growing anxiety made jaehyun shuffle in the sofa several times. he only saw your parents from afar and truly they seemed to be people of hard approach, let alone to last a good conversation with them.

“what?”

jaehyun’s heart couldn’t stop from feeling anxious. any word from your parents have always caused him to flinch or to cross his arms.

“you saw me earlier?”

busted..

“y-you want to meet him?”

oh man..

jaehyun practically nudged you, panicking like he did something wrong. however your mother’s tone seemed eager, open and kindhearted than most days. you pressed the call on mute as your eyes shot daggers to your boyfriend, well at least to him that was how it looked like.

“what did she say?” jaehyun bit his lips.

you sighed heavily, but a smile from you was not noticeable for jaehyun to see. “my parents wants have dinner with us tomorrow.”

his expression was as if his soul had left him. “ah r-really?”

you decided to unmute the call. “mom, i think- oh.. i see..” you covered your mouth.

jaehyun had a lot of things in his mind. whatever the outcome, he thought he would be ready for it. his body couldn’t take the silence as he saw you listening to your mother, staring into space.

“okay. we’ll be there. love you too. bye.” you ended the call.

jaehyun has his arms all over the place, plopped down onto the sofa while hitting his head onto a pillow. a bit dramatic but that was because he doesn’t know, yet. “babe! i didn’t agree on this!” he complained, later scoffed at the thought of meeting your parents sooner than expected.

“you didn’t. but your parents agreed.” you said.

“of course i did not- wait what?” his brows knotted. “what did you say?”

“it’s your parents who agreed for the dinner tomorrow.” you shrugged as you tapped his shoulders for him to sit with you on the sofa.

he was still dumbfounded. you waved your hands in front of him. “babe, my mom just told me she’s best friends with your mom.”

“ha?” he asked, looking more dumbfounded. “if that’s the case what’s the point of us doing this in secret?” he groaned, his body slowly laying down.

“i’m sorry..?” you singsonged. “jae, we didn’t know they’re best friends.” you wiggled his sloppy body, a laugh escaping from your lips as he pulled you to his chest.

you got up to where your hands rested on his, admiring him when his smile shocked you. “you’re not angry anymore?”

he pecked your lips, his hands instinctively cupping your neck. “i’m not.”

“isn’t this good for the both of us? i mean we could-”

“i’m very angry at you for making me think the call was gonna be the end of us!” he lifted you in a bridal style, spinning you around. “the short silence was too scary!”

“like the heck i know it’s gonna be a dinner!” you laughed. you felt your body being put down.

jaehyun caressed your cheeks again, kissing you like he did earlier. “did your mother say anything else?”

“if i tell you, will you not freak out? or melt?” you asked with your hands gesturing in the air.

“if that’s what my girl wants, i’ll try not to.” his chuckled.

“you know my parents didn’t want me to date, right?” you bit your lips. jaehyun stared into your eyes, waiting for an answer. “well, my mom met your mom to discuss about me because she had a hunch i was dating. so when she saw us earlier, she took a picture and showed it your mom.”

“and?” he trailed his word.

“your mom was like ‘that’s my son!’ and basically my mom felt giddy because she wanted her best friend’s son for.. me.” you said in one breath, deciding not to repeat it again.

you looked to jaehyun, who was now holding in a smile. he wanted to be a man of his word, but couldn’t anyway because it was about you. “isn’t this kind of an arranged marriage?” he asked.

“i wouldn’t say it’s arranged..” you trailed off. “more like.. destined?”

jaehyun had reached his limit, his body collapsing onto the carpeted floor. you laughed as his ears reddened than before. “i don’t like this! i’m too happy to even look at you right now!” he grabbed and hugged onto a nearby stuffed animal he got from ikea.

“i guess everything’s okay now.” you stood there as you looked down at jaehyun. 

“help me up babe.” he acted cute but you weren’t buying it. “please?”

“fine.” you brought forth your hands, only to be pulled down to the floor with jaehyun.

“i love you so much.”

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

the larger courier six verse, media influences

tagged by @sybil-writes ty

the bibliography for this thing is extensive. my taste is wide and omnivorous. i try to drop what i was thinking about when i wrote a particular bit into the author’s notes, and i think i’ve credited all the direct references, but I consume a lot of dystopia and post-apoc media and harder scifi/fantasy with rules, and i don’t keep an accurate running list of shit I like, so i’m certainly not going to get everything in one post. this is mostly me looking at the very limited number of books i have with me and frantically looking at wiki lists like “yes read that liked that stole that”. if i link everything i will die. if you have trouble finding a specific thing lmk tho. this feels real goddamn pretentious like Ah Yes Look At The Media I Have Consumed but here goes 

music: one of these days I will drop links to the network of playlists I have for these kids, but they’re all of Spotify and not super accessible. Danger Days, a post-apoc desert graffiti/neon/cars album by My Chemical Romance. the soft, nonsense love songs off Pretty. Odd by P!ATD. the poppy but sad neon bullshit of Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die also a P!ATD production. Wasteland, Baby! by Hozier, specifically Talk and Dinner & Diatribes. Halsey’s cover of I Walk The Line, Rihanna’s Desperado. Everything by Orville Peck but mostly Roses Are Falling and Take You Back (The Iron Hoof Cattle Call). Instrumental stuff: the opening to Silverado, the Billy the Kid musical, bits of Lawrence of Arabia. It’s Been A Long, Long Time. Fitz & The Tantrums’ Get Away. Mother Mother’s album O My Heart. Gorillaz’ Plastic Beach. 

filme: 

the Dollars trilogy ofc

the sheer bullshit nonsense of Wild Wild West and Blazing Saddles and Turbokid. 

a lot of the interaction between many characters in a tight space from Stagecoach. my dad really loves John Wayne, so I am constantly thinking about Monument Valley even though that’s nowhere near the Mojave. honestly whenever i’m thinking about how to describe landscapes I’m thinking about The Searchers, even though I have a lot of problems with that film. 

the colorful nonsense future of The Fifth Element. 

the gritty self-surgery and prospecting of Prospect (2018). 

SO much Trigun and Cowboy Bebop, for space western flavor and the same sort of analog-cassette-future. u kno how everything in Star Wars looks like it’s been there forever? the absolute opposite of a slick Apple future? that. 

god I wish Firefly was...good

Akira, bc every time I think about motorcycles the Akira motorcycle slide gif plays in my head. 

speaking of which probably a decent chunk of Adventure Time, esp the Super Porp episode. 

a smidge of how a platonic trio works from Samurai Champloo. 

anything with a big sprawling market and a chase scene, even though the only things I can think of are Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets and the first Indiana Jones. oh Skyfall also

the set dressing from Tank Girl

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. look I just really like airships and retrofuturisum but art deco

honestly a lot of Ghibli- the aviation fantasy of Porco Rosso, the gardens from Castle In The Sky, a lot of Sophie Hatter energy from Howl’s Moving Castle, the underground bits in Nausicca, the otherworldly sea from Ponyo (except the Fallout sea is probably much emptier). the lovely homey-ness and gadgetry of Sherlock Hound. 

almost certainly some Metropolis for how I think about cities

thinking a lot about The Incredibles and earlier James Bond movies recently for that sort of sleek but still small physical gadget spycraft 60s bullshit

the team and found family dynamics in Leverage

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. the more recent film which I have stolen ENTIRELY too much of the Angel + Blondie + Six dynamic from 

mad max: all of them, to some extent, but a lot of Fury Road. I have a theory about how the Dollars films take place in reverse order, bc of how they feel next to the Mad Max films. The first Mad Max film is about a specific person in a specific place and time doing really specific things. it feels like a movie made off the info of someone who was there. GBU also feels like that- it’s really place-specific in a way? The second Mad Max film is a little hazier, and focuses on mostly people trying to accomplish a goal. For A Few Dollars More also feels a little hazier, like it’s a little more metaphorical/a morality tale and it’s being told by someone heavily embellishing secondhand events. the third Mad Max movie is just over the top nonsense. feral children living in the wreckage of an old plane escaping in a working plane? sure. why the fuck not. For A Fistful Of Dollars also feels like this. of COURSE this big bad gunslinger drifts into town and escapes in a coffin and invents the bulletproof vest. why the fuck not. 

books: i like shit that goes beyond the wander/scrounge/defend trio of verbs. 

the trying to wrap your life around a huge unknowable event from Roadside Picnic, 

too much Le Guin and Butler to really fit here, 

god if anything i write ever has a tenth of the flavor of Kill Six Billion Demons i’ll be happy, 

the postwar feel of Vonnegut and Heller,

Margaret Atwood’s biopunk Oryx and Crake trilogy 

the incredibly sad decaying biopunk/mutation/last days novelette The Drowned World by JG Ballard. 

the space-opera political machinations from the Ancillary trilogy by Ann Leckie. 

World War Z’s accounts of survivors has always felt like reading terminal entries from Fallout games. 

Philip Reeve’s Fever Crumb trilogy, for its interpretation of high-tech artifacts and archaeological reinterpretation of those artifacts. 

Tales of the Bounty Hunters. Tales from Jabba’s Palace. 

A Canticle for Leibowitz of COURSE. 

the original three books in the METRO (2033, 2034, 2035) trilogy, for their tight dense locations and resource management and life-threatening travel/exploration. 

the Family Trade comic by Jordan & Ryan, for setting and intrigue and a very unorthodox power source  

Elizabeth Bear’s short story And The Deep Blue Sea, about a different kind of courier. 

how Gibson’s The Sprawl trilogy (a trilogy i have MANY opinions about, not all of them positive) does worldbuilding when it implies a vast sprawling richly imagined world with casual in-universe references that you can extrapolate a lot from.  

The Gernsback Continuum, for making me think about stranded architectural bits that survived

a little bit of the Empress’ energy from Cavendish’s The Blazing World. 

the short story The Rational Ship by Caro Clarke, about a ship that runs on orgasms, from the EXTREMELY out of print Memories and Visions: Women’s Fantasy and Science Fiction edited by Susanna J. Sturgis. i’ve scanned it in as a pdf and will send it to anyone who asks. the stories in this volume are WILDLY varying in quality and terf-yness. i would not buy this book on purpose. 

i think each separate Vault storyline is a tiny separate Lost World story, so just pick your favorite and insert it here. 

Westerfeld’s Leviathan trilogy was FORMATIVE for baby me. biopunk! big trans energy! SKY WHALES 

fucking hate  Paolo Bacigalupi for what he does to his female characters but Ship Breaker was good from what I remember of it

there are three very oblique Sherlock Holmes references in “blow a kiss, fire a gun” for my own amusement. 

Fallout scifi seems to be very Verne and Wells and Burroughs derived? a lot of very pulpy  “pseudojournalistic realism to tell an adventure story with little basis in reality.” or “hey look at this COMPLETE NOVEL i found in a bottle by the sea OR locked in my weird great-uncle’s things, i shall retell it to you here” 

idk i think The Road and the Hunger Games have so profoundly shaped the state of the genre, there’s probably at least a little bit of both these things in here even if I didn’t particularly like either of them. There’s also a lot of super bleak post-war stuff I read but am not necessarily incorporating, like Nevill Shute’s On The Beach. probably some Dune in here too if i’m being totally honest. why have a desert if there’s not going to be a giant worm, Fallout: New Vegas???

jesus i gotta read more lady authors. there are probably way more that i’m not remembering bc almost all the books i own are in a storage unit seven hours away that i haven’t touched in three years. there are probably way more comics also. 

OH not a book but the decaying-rich-people-paradise of Bioshock. pity how they never made a third game 

[drmedicsgamesurgery]

Danganronpa Togami Volume 3 Part 4 (Summary)

Continuing where we left of in chapter 2!

Thanks to @enoshima-pyon @shockersalvage​ @jinjojess​ @hopeymchope​ for helping out!

3. Continued

"Hey what's with that smile, do you think I’m really that great of a mood? I’m looking for my sister, so this is no time to be eating." says Hiroyuki.

Shinobu asks about Yuika and the Ketouins to which Hiroyuki says that he has no idea what she is talking about. This is not his identity, what made her think that? Shinobu answers that Borges gave her all the info she needed.

"You really are proud of Borges, the information retrieval library developed by the Togami’s. It seems that you’re convinced of the information given to you by this gadget is correct, but what if it isn’t? Is it really ok to believe everything Borges says?”

Shinobu searches for references about the Ketouin’s in Borges to check.

Borges = Search results

#67910104

Title "Dialogue after 7pm yesterday"

"The Ketouin Conglomerate... You ever heard of it?"

"Never."

(OMITTED)

"Ketouin Conglomerate. I remember hearing about it."

"Way to go, little master! Let me carry your bags! Should I fetch you some sandals and warm up some onigiri too?"

"Unlike the typical conglomerate, they're one of those 'underworld conglomerates', and top of the list, at that. Even I haven't met with someone from an underworld conglomerate before."

(OMITTED)

"What an honor. I'm Hiroyuki, the grandson of the Ketouin Conglomerate's current head,

Hatakiyo Ketouin. And that's my twin sister."

"You may call me Yuika."

"After that conversation, I searched the "KETOUIN CONGLOMERATE" #87654321 in your base inside the car factory. Even if Borges fails, you shouldn’t doubt the Togami’s.”

"Borges failing? And what did the little master say? Things are getting too complicated, it’s giving me a headache."

"Are you trying to say that the world I see is just a product of fantasy."

"'This is the world I want to see'. Hmm, I quite like that way of thinking," Hiroyuki chewed on some chicken. "Of course, this world is not just a dream you want to see, I live in the same world as you, but it seems that our Weltanschauung[1] is not the same."

"Weltan... Hey, what do you mean?"

"What I want to ask is about your talent, that is the key to your self-awareness."

My talent.

Secretary.

"Milady, do you know that it is said that the profession of ‘secretary’ was born in the Middle East around 3,000 BC, but the secretaries of that time had only one job, for centuries, despite the ability to use the privileged class of words. That's all they had."

"What kind of job?"

"Recording."

"What?"

"Recording, like, keeping records. How many beans are there, how many potatoes, how many slaves, recording these was the task of a secretary."

“They didn’t write books?”

I don’t know much about history. It’s really unexpected when I say it. I used to think that the job of secretaries were to write biographies of great emperors or a story that prospered the country with lyrical words. It seems that the earliest books are as clean as I am. Lies, exaggerations, and ambiguous expressions, they ruled out all of this, only recording the facts, and implemented this principle all the time. I felt that my approach was not wrong and I couldn't help but feel relieved.

"For centuries, the secretary has been making records," Hiroyuki nodded. " I have to ask some questions. What are the reasons for these secretaries to start writing stories?"

"Are you asking the reason why the modern day secretary has declined?"

"I don't know if this should be called declining. In short, from a certain period of time, the secretary no longer needed to record, so they started to write biographies and lyrics and such. So why?"

"Maybe because I am tired of endlessly recounting records..."

"Because of unemployment."

"What?"

"Unemployment, like, no longer having that job. Countless kingdoms collapsed, and the bureaucracy where they lived ceased to exist. At that time, the secretary found that he was abandoned like Wakame [2] on the beach, losing his original status and reputation. These secretaries have the ability to read and write words. In the past, they served the people of the national center. Their self-esteem was devastated and they felt despair."

"It is because they are in despair that there will be a story to write."

Those who have been abandoned by the world and whose desires are not satisfied, they use their only ability - literary talent, to try to find the glory of the past, if so, how much-

“Somewhat disappointing.”

Hiroyuki talks about how greek and egyptian mythology was likely written by these despair filled secretaries. They were at the top of the country in power structure, but were reduced to nothing but sheepherders living a boring life. Those people wanted to make something interesting out of their lives and pictured their ideal world, out of despair.

"You really know a lot." Shinobu answers.

"Oh, it's nothing really... When I was young, I spent my days at the library."

Shinobu feels like she is a person who feels like she has a duty to write a book, and record things, to which Hiroyuki jokes that maybe now she is out of employment she has become one of the despair fueled secretaries too. 

4.

"Your Borges, your partner, your writing aid, your left and right hand, your comrade and your mentor..."

"What's with the cool speech, are you saying that I couldn't write anything without Borges?"

Shinobu thinks about how she is in fact extremely dependant on Borges, and without it, most of “Journey Under The Midnight Sun” would not have been recorded. However she never once thought that this would make her talent somewhat fake or forced, but it's because of Borges she is able to have an ability like this. She only wants to write down and record the facts.

The reality I have witnessed including my self-consciousness - this layer of extra filters, misreading, mistaking, and thinking wrong, all these human-specific errors are excluded, only the truth is recorded, to be recorded so factually like this, Borges is essential.

"You are indeed a true secretary. The original job of the secretary is to record the volume of goods in a warehouse. So to ask a new question, what would happen if the actual volume of the storage space itself is wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"What would you do if the information Borges told you were fake?"

"Borges is perfect."

"There was a crash because the meter was broken. The pilot always believed that the meter had no problems, which caused the plane to fall. No matter what, believing 100% in something is very dangerous."

"Do you want me to doubt?"

"You have to doubt everything."

"That’s too cliché."

"I’m serious. Only prophecy can guarantee that there is no impurity in the real world."

"Prophecy……"

"If you don't find the 'Kudan' quickly, be careful that you won't be able to keep yourself. If you let the fat man take the fake goods, don't say how the world is, you must be finished."

"Who the hell are you?"

"My identity isn’t really that important."

"You aren’t answering me, Hiroyuki."

"So, uh, this person, Hiroyuki, never even existed in the first place. Hiroyuki Ketouin, Yuika Ketouin, the Ketouin Conglomerate, the Hasegawa Research Institute, Taeko Kanai, the Red Ribbon Army [3], the Black Gema-Gema Gang [4] and the International Criminal Police Organization [5], are all fiction. Fictional individuals and groups. If you think they are real, then well, your crazy. Well maybe not you who is crazy, but rather it’s Borges that is the crazy one.”

I have also noticed the differences between my memory and his testimony. However, I cannot agree with him. If I agree, then I won’t be able to trust myself, and I can't keep my story going.

"You want to get the 'Kudan' first. Be the first one to find the truth: it’s the only way to save you." continues Hiroyuki "You should let your mind run at full speed to deal with this event, as you did during The Biggest, Worst Incident in the History of the Togami Family.”

"Who are you?"

"I am your companion. I have been your companion since a long time ago. I hope you can be happy from now on. This is my only wish."

"Who are you?"

"You don't have to think about it. If you can't remember it, then blame Borges."

Hiroyuki showed a short but soft smile.

Do I... know? Do I know this unnatural smile?

"I asked, who are you. Please, answer me..."

"You can't remember. Maybe Borges not only eroded your present, but also eroded your past. You have to hurry, this has nothing to do with the Togami family and the world, for your own sake, please hurry..."

A hole opened in Hiroyuki’s head. Hiroyuki, who had a big hole in his eyebrow, still had a smile on his face, and held my hand in his. "Be yourself." his head fell onto his plate. We were under attack, so I rushed back. At that moment, there was a sharp impact on my face. I fell into the corner of the room as my face was shot. Aah, aaaaaah, lies, lies, lies, lies, aaaaah, I was hit, lies, lies, hit, aAH, I was hit, my face was hit, face, face, AAH, Byakuya-sama, I'm so scared, so scared, Byakuya-sama, I want to see you again, aaah, lies I don't want you to see, because my face is hit, I am going to die, am I going to die? I am alone, in a foreign country, I am going to die, are you going to die? A person? So scared, I don't want to be hit, █ hit, ███, I want ██, Byakuya-sama, Bya██ya, I ██ dead, █ want to see you, Byakuya-sama, want to see you, don't want to ███,█████ want to die, don't want to see you, want to see you, I want to die, I don't want to██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

Translations notes:

[1] Weltanschauung is German for Worldview

[2] Wakame is a type of seaweed used mostly in soups and salads.

[3] The Red Ribbon Army is a paramilitary criminal organization from the Dragonball series.

[4] The Black Gema-Gema Gang are a group of evil-doers from the Di Gi Charat series.

[5] The International Criminal Police Organization, or INTERPOL, is an intergovernmental organization facilitating international police cooperation from the Marvel Cinematic Universe series.

To be continued?

https://drmedicsgamesurgery.tumblr.com/GameSurgeryDRTranslations

[junmail]

Rules: you can only repeat one artist and only one time, so we can all kind of spread new 🎶 to the people we tag. Try to listen to at least one of the songs people rec here.

tagged by @iiasha 💫 I actually listened to your face that emily rec’d bc she said it’s her all time fav and it’s honestly so amazing, pls listen to it.

1) one song you 💛 the first time you listened to and never got tired of?

dial tones - as it is , I first heard this song live and I think that’s the main reason why I fell in love with this song bc the energy from the concert hearing it live was wild but it’s a really amazing song. bop every time.

2) one song you 😭 every time you listen or makes you emotional?

shake it out - florence + the machine , it’s mainly bc I get very into singing this so it makes me emotional esp at “looking for heaven found the devil in me” .. tears

3) one song that always makes you happy/😁?

go your own way (feat. gucci mane) - cece segarra , lol ok listen this song is old and ?? idk I really love it and anytime I hear it I’m instantly in a good mood

4) one song that you would dedicate to your best friend and/or your family?

nlyf x neck deep - issues , would be to my younger sister bc we both love the original song and she’s like my best friend lol so I want her to never lose her flame

5) one song with a production (the sounds, the beat, the mood) you 😍?

by now - marianas trench , when I was looking at the questions I instantly knew the answer to this one. honestly, watch the mv. listen to the song. you won’t regret it.

6) one song with perfect, amazing, outstanding lyrics?

space/can’t see the end - seventeen , bet you guys were waiting to see how long it was until I was going to rec a svt song lol but for real the lyrics for this song are probably one of my favorites, they get so candid about their feelings and everyone should go look at the translations if you haven’t bc this song is so beautiful.

7) one song that you would recommend to anyone?

middle of the night - monsta x , bc they have the range !! lmao no , well they do but this song is so good it’d appeal to those who like and don’t like kpop. win/win situation

8) one song you don’t understand why you like so much but you do anyway?

first car - goat , I really can’t explain lol it’s one of those songs that you hear one time and it’s stuck in your head so you have to listen to it again and well you just end up downloading it lmao

9) one song that you think people, in general, wouldn’t like but you do?

hm, this one is hard. maybe , and not really bc I think ppl will hate it but bc they might not know it she said, I said (time we let go) - nlt , but ya check out this song ! it’s p sad (n kinda rude lol) also if u ever watched glee it had the guy who played artie in this group

10) one song people normally like and you don’t like or hate?

really if it plays on the radio every other song, chances are that I hate it. everyone’s entitled to their own music taste but some are trash lol

11) one song you would call a masterpiece?

losing myself - state champs , if you followed me for awhile and seen my other song recs you know I love state champs. give this song and band a listen, they have amazing songs. esp this one

12) one song you recently (last 30 days max) discovered and really liked it?

it kills me (feat. keshi) - demxntia , I recently got into keshi so I found this song and I’m in love with it, I love the way both of their voices mix

13) one song you listen to to get pumped like you wanna tear down the fucking government or something?

lol there’s a lot I could name but one that comes to mind is thank you - mkto , it actually is about how the government and boomers fucked us over but still try to tell us how to live our life, highly recommend

tagging; @irenerei @parkims @sleepyljihoon @goldenfilmcult @wingserayoongi @ppangdulce

[brownsugarsinner-blog]

New sugar baby, how do I start up?

Hey babe! I really don’t think there’s necessarily a formula for sugar dating that’s considered a “one size fits all” of sorts.. i think it honestly just depends on your level of comfortability.

For example, some girls are birthed hoes and know what they want and what they’re willing to do for it no questions asked. Other girls know vet sugar babies & therefore are able to receive the blue print from them... But I also know for a lot of prospective sugar babes, the initial reality of sw can be very overwhelming and hard to stomach... so I would suggest starting with research.

There are a lot of informative blogs on here and online in general... I advise you to use those (at your own discretion... as long as you remember that you can’t believe everything that you read lol). Read books suggested by other babes to build your skill sets. Knowledge is your friend and learning is something that must constantly happen as you navigate the sugar bowl and life in general. Be hungry to know all that you can about the bowl, your POTs, and your SDs alike. Train yourself to frequently update this knowledge.

If you need to get over the initial shyness of speaking to an SD, I suggest going the online route first and delaying freestyling (which as I’ve discussed in a previous post is actually my preference of scouting out POTs link here: https://brownsugarsinner.tumblr.com/post/187006219046/why-i-prefer-to-freestyle). I believe that interacting with POTs online will help you familiarize yourself with the behavioral types and personality types of some men you are destined to encounter throughout your time in the bowl.

Try to make sugar sisters. This shit is hard and not the least merciful on your mental health... And I suggest sugar sisters because you’ll want to tell your vanilla friends about it, but don’t lol. Their response will never be what you’d expect. They will honestly never be able to wrap their heads around it and they will definitely not be open minded about it. I don’t care how long you’ve known a person or how well you think you know them... take my word on this one. I told 3 of my vanilla friends about my interests in the bowl 4 years ago and they all turned their noses up to me, talked shit about me amongst themselves and others behind my back, and then proceeded to make snarky comments such as “as long as you don’t take my bf.” (Lol like sis he’s smoking you out and raw dawging you... stay in your vanilla ass lane in your vanilla ass BBQ grill relationship... nobody’s checking for your bum ass nigga—but I digress).

Don’t let other sugar babes pressure you into doing shit that you’re not comfortable with... and what I mean by that is don’t let Becky with the good hair and her (maybe fictitious) $6k allowance make you feel like you NEED to be receiving the same. Accept what you want and what you think is fair by your standards. When I first entered the bowl I was a second yr college student and my motives for the money at that time was to simply stay fed, pay my bills, afford to look like the bad bitch i am, and keep myself sane in undergrad overall.. Like I wasn’t trying to start a business, afford my own solo space, pay off stu loans, start my master’s program, and save like I’m doing now so my priorities for my sugar money were a bit different back then. And because of that, I willingly accepted $300-$600 bones thrown at me (and if push comes to shove, I’ll do it again SHAMELESSLY bc that shit adds up 🙃).

Don’t let them pressure you into thinking you need to spend your money on designer this and designer that either. Never let that be your sole mindset going into the bowl because you will crash and burn.... fast. I would hope that you’d like to retire yourself from the bowl in the long run, so you have to think as such. DO NOT (and I repeat), DO NOT blow your money on designer and trying to impress vanilla people in your shit town. Invest in stocks, start a business, save for a car, pay off your student loans, even donate to a fucking charity if need be... but do not waste all your money on material things. If anything, ask your SD to gift you things... but you will definitely want to invest your money wisely on things that can later bring you more wealth.

And finally, as a rule of thumb, you’ll want to note take and journal regularly to keep track of your POTs and life in general... I have a journal that I put everything in. I use my journal to document my thoughts daily to keep track of my mental health. I also use my journal to notate dates with my POTs (where, what was discussed, etc.), personal details about them (DOB, job, likes, dislikes, got any kids?), their contact info, and all that other good stuff in there. I recommend keeping this information for reflection and safety purposes.

Remember, hoe smarter not harder ;)

[living-dead-parker]

Field Trip - P.P

Summary: A special guest gives Peter’s Academic Decathlon team a special tour of Avenger’s Tower

Warnings: some cussing i think and rude ass flash. Some mistakes prolly. It mentions Infinity War but is not compliant bc I like when my favorite characters don’t die, ya know?? Also reader is 1.) a stark! reader and 2.) reader is 18 while Peter is 17.

Word Count: 3.2K

"May, I don't wanna go." Peter whines as she decides to drive him to school today. She has the morning off and today she plans on taking Peter to school and run some errands before going back home a napping for the rest of the day before heading in to work for the night shift. Peter looks over and notices the stern look on his aunt's face. She briefly looks over at the young man, shaking her head as she sends him a sympathetic smile.

"Your team worked hard for the trip and you already turned in the permission slip. That and you'll be there already, I won't have to drop you off later and Happy won't have to come pick you up. I'm sure it'll be fine." May reassures him. He sighs, looking over at the older woman, nodding as he realizes there's nothing he can really do.

"Fine, thank you May." Peter says softly, knowing it only makes sense. Plus, he loves going over, going with his decathlon team shouldn't change his mind. He'll also have Michelle and Ned by his side.

"Plus, your older girlfriend will be there." May says. Peter blushes, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

"She's only a year older than me, okay, May? Plus, we probably won't see her on the tour, we'll probably only go up so far." Peter defends, wanting to take the attention away from his relationship. It's not that he doesn't like talking about it or talking about his girlfriend. He talks about her all the time, in fact. He just gets extremely flustered when others bring up how much he talks about her or their relationship.

"Yeah, yeah. We're here," May mumbles, leaning over and giving the young man a hug. She looks him in the eye, giving him a stern look. "Be careful and don't stay out too late patrolling, okay? I'll be there at the tower for dinner tomorrow, okay? Then we'll come home and we'll see if Tony let's us steal your girlfriend for a day or two. I'm sure she misses me too." May jokes, pulling away from the hug and getting situated. Peter presses a peck on May's cheek, hopping out of the car and heading to the bus where the academic decathlon team is already being checked in. They still have five more minutes to let everyone come in time.

Upon getting checked in, Peter steps foot into the bus, noticing that Ned and Michelle are already seated in the middle rows, Ned sitting in one bench alone, Michelle in the one behind him. He also takes notice of Flash and his two goons sitting next to him, Peter mentally rolling his eyes as the three look up at him, chuckling at some stupid comment one of the goons made. Peter sits down next to Ned, doing their usual handshake as Michelle greets Peter.

"You excited to go to the Avengers Tower?" Ned asks. Peter nods, though he knows every nook and cranny of that building. It doesn't mean he isn't excited to go. Peter pulls out his phone, seeing a text from his girlfriend, Y/N.

I have a surprise for you on your tour, please don't kill me ❤

Peter chuckles, sending her a simple response as he hears the bus' engine roar to life. There are a total of 15 people on the bus, all ranging from Freshmen to seniors. Peter feels odd since he's now a senior and not the sophomore he was when he joined the team. Mr. Harrington goes on a cautionary tangent, telling the students what he expects from them during the duration of the trip. It is expected to take the whole school day, so the least they could do is be courteous. Upon arrival, they see a woman waiting outside the Avengers building, holding a folder in her arms and a smile on her face. She waves at the bus as it comes to a halt in front of her.

"Time to prove your internship, Parker. Might as well prove the lies Ned spread about you dating Mother Nature." Flash jokes, chuckling as he stands up and walks behind some other girl on the team. Y/N is another Avenger, like Peter, who goes by the alias Mother Nature, as her powers are nature related. In any environment, she can manipulate the wildlife as well as the natural resources in any way she can. Whether control animals, water bend, create barriers with rocks and even part the sea if she really wanted to. Ned managed to let it slip many times that Peter is dating her, though nobody but Ned and Michelle believe it. They don't know how Peter, Ned, and Michelle are friends with Y/N Stark, or Shuri Princess of Wakanda, or Harley Keener, the boy who saved Tony Stark. Nobody would even begin to believe that Michelle and Shuri are in the grey area of friends and girlfriends.

Peter steps out the bus, seeing the woman smile at the group of students, introducing herself as Daisy Andrews, a receptionist at the tower, one Peter has encountered many times. She goes on about the rules and about how they will be having a special guest tour guide per the person's request. She begins to pass out some badges, all of them but three are white badges. They are all attached to lanyards and they all have a bar code and the students' names as well as their grade level and age. They all say visitor and seem to be made of paper that was put into laminates. The other three badges are plastic cards, also put in laminates with lanyards. Everyone eyes the woman as she approaches Peter, Ned, and Michelle. Peter waves at Daisy, greeting her, looking behind her and noticing Flash's wide eyes.

"Mr. Stark improved your badge, Mr. Parker. He also allowed your friends, Mr. Leeds and Ms. Jones to have badges allowing them entrance into the building as well. These badges allow you clearance to any and every level of the building, so long as you agree to be monitored in specific areas. They'll be valid after the tour, for now you'll be using your old badge, Mr. Parker, and your friends will be using the visitor badges as these new ones will not activate until after 2:45pm." she instructs, causing everyone to eye the three curiously. First Peter, and now Michelle and Ned. The three losers of the team?

Ned and Michelle high five Peter, following the lead of the receptionist. She goes on to explain a brief history of the Avengers, as well as the purpose of the move from the old building to the new one. She opens the doors, holding them open for everyone, instructing them to gather around the middle of the room in front of the staircase that leads to the elevators.

"Now, your special guest tour guide needs no introduction, as her presence alone is introduction enough. However, as she has a flair for the dramatics, she instructed I do. So, without further ado," the receptionist begins, taking a pause as the lights turn off in the building and the song Peter learned was Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks begins to play. As soon as the first note hit, Peter knew who it was. Like father like daughter. "Daughter of Tony Stark, Avenger known as Mother Nature, and earth's best defender before Spider-Man, Y/N Stark!" the receptionist says excitedly as the familiar girl steps down the stairs. She reaches the bottom and approaches the group of students.

Peter immediately goes heart eyes, noticing his familiar Midtown Sweater he let her borrow the other day he was over. Her h/c hair is down and her e/c eyes seem to pop out with the little bit of makeup she wears. She has some black jeans on and some high top converse. She waves at everyone.

"Thank you for that, Daisy. You're the best for actually doing it. Feel free to take a break," the young woman says, taking over for Daisy. She takes in the sight of everyone, eyes growing wide as she sees her boyfriend standing side by side with his two friends who now became her friends as well. "I'm Y/N Stark and I'll be conducting today's tour. As you can see I was eager to do the tour, I even decided to wear some of your school's merch. Anyways, Daisy glossed over the history of the Avengers, but did she mention how the Avengers have created a coalition team with teams from space to protect not only planet earth but to protect outer space from threats?" Y/N begins. Everybody shakes their heads as Y/N begins to walk backwards into a big elevator under the staircase.

"Now, this elevator is only used for larger groups and equipment. Anyways, it was after the battle with Thanos, the horrific snap that took out half the universe," she begins, bringing up some pretty bad memories. She continues to explain how the Avengers had teamed up with the Guardians of the Galaxy, Wakanda, and some freelancer heroes to protect the universe by creating a coalition known as the Infinity War Coalition. In the middle of her explanation, the elevator comes to a halt on the second floor where there is a museum. The group enters the museum, seeing the wall is lined with suits, very old suits. The real deal.

"Here, we have some of the original Mark suits that my father used to wear. We also have every suit Captain America, Black Widow, Hawkeye and more wore. The three newest additions include my old chickweed uniform," she says, pointing to the suit which was skin tight and was made from a nude colored bulletproof spandex material. It was complete with a chickweed flower crown that had a chip in it containing my own AI, much like my father's suits have his own AI, Friday. The second one is the original scrappy Spider-Man suit, made from a hoodie, some tights, and googles attached to a mask. While it may not be a sight for sore eyes, it was practic-"

"Spider-Man? Why is he in an Avenger's museum?" Flash asks, cutting the young woman off.

"Spider-Man is an official Avenger, though his identity remains unknown to the general public for multiple reasons. It was during the fight with Thanos that he became an Avenger." Y/N responds, briefly looking over at Peter and giving him a smile.

"What's with the crappy suit anyways?" Flash asks. He adores Spider-Man, but he never knew how bad the original suit was as he's only seen him in action in the regular blue and red spandex suit.

"Right, so Spider-Man, is one of the younger Avengers. He was on a field trip with his school about three years ago or so where he got bit by a radioactive spider. Now, normally a bite like that would kill a man, but instead he got powers from it. He has a Spidey-sense that allows him to know when danger is approaching. Because of this, he's been quoted by my father to have said that his 'senses are dialed to eleven' so the costume was practical for him in terms of sight, as not to distract him while he fights. As I was saying, not a sight for sore eyes, but it was practical and worked for him. The suit to the right of it was his Stark-improved suit. My father recruited Spider-Man during the civil war the Avenger's had, making the suit to help P-Spider-Man in battle. It was complete with his own AI, much like a lot of our suits have, and many functions to help him in combat. The suit was retired as well, and now he has three suits in his possession. The Iron-Spider suit, the black stealth suit, and the sleek Black and Red suit. Any other questions?" she asks, as some people begin to roam around the room.

"So, can you tell us who Spider-Man is?" Flash asks. Y/N shakes her head, making a zipped-lip motion.

"Sorry, young man. That's classified information that I am not authorized to give out. Only a select few know and it seems as it'll remain that way for a long time." Y/N says. She gathers everyone's attention, taking them all back to the elevators.

The tour continues throughout the day, taking a small break around lunch time for the group to eat some lunch. Y/N mentioned having to report to Tony for something but she'd for sure hang with Peter, Ned, and Michelle when the tour is over. After twenty minutes, Y/N returned, handing a note to Mr. Harrington, letting him know that Peter, Michelle, and Ned will not be riding back to school in the bus and would instead stay at the tower. He didn't seem to mind, as long as the students were accounted for. Eventually, the tour picked back up, heading to the second to last stop, the training floor.

"Now, this floor is the training floor. Here we have four training rooms and a physical therapy room. The first one is the regular gym, weights, mats, and more." Y/N explains, opening the door and allowing the teens to walk in. In there, they saw Sam, Steve, and Nat all in there, practicing. Everybody greets them, exiting the room. She leads everyone to the next room that's completely empty minus three benches, a large mirror and Bucky sitting in one of the benches.

"Bucky and I have a surprise for you," Y/N starts, taking off her sweater to reveal a plane black tank top. She's in some tights and she begins to put her hair up as Bucky approaches her. "This is the sparring room. Now, my favorite sparring partner is Spider-Man but he's not here right now so my second favorite partner is Bucky. He's a close competitor for sure. We're gonna spar for you today." she explains. Peter goes wide-eyed as everyone steps back a bit to let the two get in position.

"While powers help a lot of our team, we still need them to be strong. Sparring helps." Bucky adds as he moves to Y/N's knees, grabbing them. However, before he can pull her down, she gets one leg out of his grip, rolling on her side and pulling him down with her leg, sending him  tumbling.

She stands up, grabbing him by the legs and pulling him closer. She flips him over, grabbing his arms and pinning them on top of the back of his head. She places her legs on either side of him and slips her hands between his arms, holding him in place. Bucky manages to push her off, sending her flying off of him as he used all his force. She lands on her feet, using her hand to balance herself. She runs to Bucky, but he holds his metallic arm out to stop her. She grabs it, using it to jump up, wrapping a leg around his neck and swinging the other one around his neck. He moves to grab her legs but she flips off of him, landing on one foot, her other leg stretched out. She punches his gut, sending him to lurch forward. The two continue to fight for a few more minutes until Y/N taps out because she needs to finish up the tour.

She shows them the simulation rooms and the physical therapy room. Y/N takes the group back to the elevators and takes them back down to the main floor. Leading the way out of the elevator, she heads to the other end of the room, walking over to a door.

"Now this is the press conference room, but I decided to use it to do a Q and A type of thing. I have all the Avengers, as well as Pepper Potts back there. I allotted a half hour to this, so feel free to ask them any questions you may have." Y/N explains, as she opens the door, allowing them to enter. They take seats in the first row, noticing the six main heroes sitting up on stage as well as Sam, Bucky, Pepper, Wanda, and Vision. You go up on stage, standing behind the podium. "Feel free to ask us anything. Unfortunately we don't have Spider-Man here with us, as he has real life responsibilities, so he's at school right now. I'll be the moderator, but feel free to ask me questions as well."

Immediately, hands go up. Even Peter's hand goes up for a question. You hand a mic to the person on the farther left side of the room, offering them a question first. It was an obviously timid girl who cleared her throat and spoke up.

"When did Mother Nature officially join the team and why?" she asks. Y/N nods, smiling at the girl.

"I was 12 when I found out about my powers and when I did, I begged my father to let me join. It wasn't until I was sixteen, during the civil war fight. He asked me to fight on his side and I told him I would not unless he made me an Avenger. He obliged, initiating me into the team." Y/N speaks, sending the girl a gentle smile as she sits down and passes the mic down. Every question was about the superheroes and their origins. However, the mic reached Flash and he had a devilish grin, smirking at Peter as he stood up.

"I have three questions, they are simple yes or no questions," Flash speaks. Y/N nods, allowing him to continue. "First, Ms. Black Widow, would you like to go on a date with me?" Flash asks, earning chuckles from his goons.

"No."

Flash frowns, seeming to do a double-take at her nonchalance. He sighs, holding the microphone up once more. "Mr. Stark, does Peter Parker really intern for you?" Flash asks. Tony sighs, rolling his eyes at the idiotic boy. How does he go to a school for scientific geniuses and not get that Peter obviously has connections here?

"Yes, Peter is an intern for me. Has been for the past two years almost three years. He works with me in my lab every weekend." Tony says, impatience in his tone. Flash gulps, noticing the obvious glares coming from everybody.

"Final question?"

"Mother Nature, are you really dating Peter?" Flash asks, suddenly becoming bold again. He smirks, looking over at Peter as he begins to speak again. "Because if not, why not go out with me?" Flash asks, sending you a wink.

"I'd rather throw myself off a bridge than go out with you. If it matters so much, Peter and I are dating. We have been for a little over a year now. And before you decide to become bold again, Wanda won't date you. Pepper won't date you. None of us up here would ever want to. So please, get it into your dense skull. Now please leave my boyfriend alone or I swear I will do to you what I did to Bucky in the sparring room. I will not tap out, and that's a promise." Y/N threatens, her tone filled with pure anger towards the young man who seems to harass Peter a lot.  Flash stays quiet, not sure how to respond. The rest of the half hour goes by fast, Flash seeming to shut up and not have a single snarky comment at every statement made.

By the end of the day, Y/N and Peter are rubbing it in Flash's face how in love the two are with each other. Flash might think Peter is a loser, but he has Y/N and Flash doesn't, so who's the real loser?

Please send in asks/requests, I’m always a slut for interaction and new friends.

[fairy-cat-mother]

Tagging Game

Rules: answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.

I was tagged by the lovely, awesome and handsome @starfaring-princelotor​ alsdkfjs;dlfkj I saw that you had The Darkest Hour in there and just. you K i l l e d  me. DED. It makes me so heppi that you like my song enough for it to be up there with your favorites. So happy <3 TT^TT <3

Alright, here goes nothin’!

Nickname: Okay, so I’ve never really had a nickname. My little brother called me “Vava” when we were growing up bc he couldn’t say my name aldsfkjas;lfk. On tumblr and discord, people usually just call me Fairy. So, yeah? Das it. Otherwise, it’s just Maria.

Zodiac: Aquarius Sun, Cancer Moon, Aries Rising...I kinda like astrology a lil a lot :3

Height: 5’2’’ (most of my students are taller than me fml)

last movie I saw: Just watched Han Solo yesterday. It was p good.

last thing I googled: “Galaxy Lotor art” ...I just want my two fav things together...mah boi, and the stars.

favorite musician: Ohdamn, I can’t just pick one...if I haaaad to...hmm...ermmmfff...okay, I’m a SUCker for soundtrack music, so Joe Hisaishi or Two Steps From Hell.

Song stuck in my head: Fucking...Baby Shark. My students are relentless. They know it gets stuck in my head so easily. Those lil shits take advantage of it so mucH. It’s okay. I’ll get them back... >:3 with some weird “oldhead” music... SomeBODy once told me the WORLD is gonna roll me~ aaaaaaahaaa :P ….okay, but when it’s not Baby Shark, usually it’s Frank Sinatra’s Fly Me To The Moon bc that song comes on shuffle all the time in my car. But I’m not complaining ‘bout that one <3 also sometimes that one heckin’ awesome Dragonborn cover by Malukah too.

other blogs: None yet. Though, I have been thinking about starting one for posting my music stuff (I’m hopefully going to get a new mic soon and start recording more. So, maybe...)

Do I get asks: Sometimes, and I always love it when I do :3

following: 630. Welldamn. I don’t even remember half of these. I should go through and clean out.  

amount of sleep: I wish I had a consistent at-least-7 hours per night...but it’s more like 4 here, 8 there, naps when I come home and inevitably fall asleep on the couch. I’m workin’ on it.

lucky number: 7

what I’m wearing: A Huggle Hoodie. Or as I like to call it, a blanket dress. The most comfy thing in the world. I’m swimmin’ in it and it’s great. I’m so warm. And cozy. :3

dream job: Musician. Author. Professor. Children’s Theatre Director. I want to inspire people to feel and think and grow and learn—to own their creativity in whatever it is they choose to do <3 

dream trip: I love to explore, so anywhere really. But I definitely have a soft spot for trees and water. So anywhere with those things is great. Just like, hike all day and chill and listen to the babbling water, maybe take a swim if it’s safe. Yeahhhh :3 Also, Japan. I’ve wanted to go since I was like 9. And Ireland. I wanna sit in on some trad sessions with mah penny whistle a;lsdkjfa;lsdkfj

favorite food: Lettuce. I’m not even kidding. I fucking love lettuce. Like, I will eat that shit whole, plain, for a snack, whatever. Gimme the CRONCHy GREENSTUFF ;lakjs;lfkjasdf ...also I love ramen a whole lot. Like, real ramen. With the miso and soft boiled egg and chāshū mmmmMMMM~

play any instruments: Yeh! :3 Flute, violin, piano, ukulele, and penny/tin whistle. I dabble in others, like guitar and drums...and I’m always picking up new ones to learn i can’t staaahp. I’d really like to get a harp...but they’re just so damn expensive. One day, maybe.

languages: English, some French, some Japanese, and a liiiittle bit of Spanish.

favorite songs: Ohboiiii, too manyyyy. Better Together by Jack Johnson, A Fairy’s Love Song by Jean Luc Lenior, Far Horizons by Jeremy Soule, I Still Don’t Know Who I Am by Barnes Blvd., Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra, The Path of the Wind by Joe Hisaishi, Better Things by Headshine, Seven Years by Norah Jones, Such Great Heights by The Postal Service, Hotel Song by Regina Spektor, Ocean Kingdom & Rise Above & Enigmatic Soul & Undying Love all by Two Steps From Hell (omfg, i love these guyysss ;alksjfal;dsfkj), it’s space music timeAmong the Stars by Louis Viallet, The Edge of the Universe by Alex Doan, Theory of Rain & Age of the Universe by Elephant Music (I’ve actually really been into this playlist on YouTube lately...space musicccc asd;flaksjdf;ljf <3)...so many more, but i’mma stahp now, bc this is already long AF.

Random fact: Being in deep water sorta scares me. But I still like swimming. I’m just a lil scared and feel like something’s gon’ grab my toes and CRONCH a;lsdkfjalsdfj

describe yourself as aesthetic things: Lavender bushes, wild flowers, coffee shops and old books, green tea, fireflies in a field on a summer night, the moment before a thunderstorm rolls in, rain when the sun is shining, reading with a flashlight under the covers, the purples and blues in sunsets on the beach, flickering candlelight, a cottage in the woods on a rainy day, creating rainbows in the misty water from a hose, swinging on a swing set, writing a letter by the moonlight, rainbow fairy lights, oversized sweaters, car rides with the windows down, shooting stars, Saturn rings, galaxy prints.

I tag @legendofcarl (even though you’re already tagged, izza double-tag yo! >:3), @bookerror and @ghostarian !! <3

[reinalowellwrites-blog]

college and hotel AUs

so I just started living on campus at uni and I work in a hotel, so I made a list of writing prompts with my best friend @scubadiva that we would really like you all to use and play around with however you want. Make a short story, make a scene, write half a scene and give up, write a full novel, do anything! Just make sure to copy & paste or link it down below because we reallyyyy want to read them. So, without further ado...

College AU prompts:

“Hey you’re in my class and you’re always the smartest and most organized, but now you’re sloppy drunk in this club and grinding on a stranger, also what do you mean we have two tests tomorrow????” au 

“I’m the shuttle driver and you’ve been riding around campus with me for three hours in silence so I finally asked why and you said your roommates hate you and want to fight with you and you don’t have a car to drive away in so now you’re doing your homework in this now-empty shuttle with me which is totally not creepy because I swear I won’t invade your personal space, but you should know I’m missing my break for this so now we’re going to a drive-thru do you want a cheeseburger” au

“You’re the shuttle driver and I don’t have the heart to tell you that you missed the last two stops—mine included—because Mr. Brightside distracted you, but I really need to get to class and wtf are you crying?????” au

“I met you waiting at the shuttle stop while checking my mailbox and stopped to talk to you because you’re really cute but you should know that it’s Saturday so the shuttle doesn’t run today and also can I have your number????” au

“You’re a really cute RA and I’m super into you and I can’t tell if it’s mutual or not but please come over every day so I can ask you questions I already know the answer to also I genuinely don’t think this key opens any of the mailboxes what is it for” au

“I woke up after a college party in a locked building I don’t recognize and hello stranger I think I kissed last night, do you know how we got here or how we escape because I'm scared????” au

“Our college has a game where each student has to find the student they’re assigned to “kill” and everyone who gets a kill takes their victim’s assignment and I’ve been the champ for a while but now there’s a new streak-winning killer on the loose and no one knows who it is and I’m probably about to make out with you at this party when you try to kill me but I catch you before you can because I have your name too and uh oh now what” au

Hotel AU prompts:

“I’m sorry I banged on the wall between our rooms and then also your door so loudly, I thought you were having loud sex but it’s actually just you rocking against your headboard and sobbing are you okay???” au

“You’re the night housekeeper and I’m a guest and I thought you were super cute so now I’ve asked for like four microwaves even though I don’t have any food because I want to see you again and I think you’re starting to realize that I’m not actually having trouble with any of them so hey let’s go eat dinner sometime maybe????” au

“This hotel has a make your own pasta bar and you’re the chef making the pasta and I hate everything you’re recommending but I can’t say no to those beautiful eyes and now you want to watch me take a bite but I’m literally so allergic to dairy and gluten so I’m just gonna box it up and say it’s for my brother when in reality I’m going to go to my room and beg my parents not to kill me for doing this like eight days in a row” au

“My family came on this vacation to explore the town, but I twisted my ankle so they left me behind and my ankle is better now but please don’t tell them because I’d much rather be here on the balcony where I can spy on you every day while you work at the pool” au

“You’re the room service boy and we were flirting earlier but now I’m sulking in my room after my parents embarrassed me in front of you when I hear a knock on the door and I didn’t order room service and it’s just a flower and a note and omg it’s from you” au

“You’re a massage therapist and I’m your client and you haven’t done anything unprofessional but you’re so good at your job and so sweet and cute that now I’m in love with you and I’m definitely coming back to see if you remember me tomorrow because if you do then I’m asking you out” au

“I’m a chef and you’re the room service attendant and we’ve got a full house of people with special dietary needs so they keep sending you here to yell at me or something but you’re being really nice to me and now everyone is staring because I haven’t threatened to kill you with my favorite cleaver yet but it’s because you’re really cute????? fuckin marry me, you little shit, wHAT DO YOU MEAN THE THIN CRUST IS TOO THICK” au

“You’re a server and it’s so late that you forget yourself and sit down at my table, but it’s so cute and I feel so bad for you that I let you stay and you say the candlelight makes this seem like a date and I don’t have the heart to tell you I think I just got stood up and oh nvm here is my asshole bf and you definitely don’t like it but you leave and the next day I get a note at breakfast from you saying thank you and oh great now I’m feeling feelings I gtg jk a snowstorm has come to trap all three of us in, thanks bomb cyclone” au

“You’re simultaneously setting up my sister’s wedding and counseling her and her husband through their first big fight and I’d hate to add more to your busy schedule, but I’m in love with you for reasons I don’t quite get yet and I want to go out with you asap but you’re super busy so I guess I gotta bring you lunch on your break do you like Panera???? that seems pretty grown up and you’re pretty grown so” au

“We both work night shifts in the lobby, you’re at front desk and I’m guest services, and I definitely want to make out with you after last year’s ~close encounter~ but I’m scared you don’t feel the same but then one day a coworker backs out of coat check with you and I’m filling in and it’s so late and we’re basically in a closet without a camera and idk if you remember, but night shift means no rules so let's just kiss and see what happens” au

“You’re the engineer’s apprentice and I’m the guest whose thermostat won’t cooperate and the hotel is too full for me to move rooms so I’m just gonna have to call you for help every day oh well so hey do you like cookies because I bought some to thank and maybe seduce you idk I’ve never done this before pls just don’t laugh at me” au

“You’re the engineer’s apprentice and I’m the guest who’s broken two microwaves, a shower wall, and a lamp, but now I’ve clogged the toilet and as it turns out, the plunger I ordered on prime now is useless because I refuse to admit it’s my fault and I told you it’s my friend’s, but you don’t buy it at all and now I’m blushing red as fuck pls stop laughing okay yeah I guess it’s kind of funny do u wanna get dinner” au

“all available staff is staying overnight bc of the inclement weather protocols and we somehow got adjoining rooms and I knocked on the door between us to tell you to shut up and when you opened your side I saw you shirtless and wtf why are you so hot this does not fit with your job here also did I just agree to sit with you at dinner tonight“ au

I’ll be adding to this post in the future if I think of any more. For now, please enjoy the fact that these are based loosely on things that have happened to me and scubadiva irl (except the first one, which is from one of our friends’ stories about uni (she’s the organized/sloppy drunk one lol)).

[savetheblackpaladin]

Hey I love your blog! It's my favourite! Could you do a Shiro imagine where it's years after Voltron and him and his s/o have children and it's all cute and fluffy! 💖💖💖

ok, so I got a lot of this type of request so I’ll just do random HC’s, yeah? Mostly because if I broke these all up they would probably be extremely similar

Shiro’s got twin girls and he’s Blessed™ every morning he gets to see their beautiful faces

we’re continuing with the twins from earlier posts: Astrid and Hayden

if you didn’t think he cried when he got his first ‘#1 Dad’ you’re fucking wrong because this man bawled

it’s his favorite mug

until his daughters grow up more and start making him one every year, then those are his favorite

also he loves the crazy ties they choose for him each year. 

you thought he was romantic before marrying him? Well buddy, i have some news for you

takes every opportunity to say “Wifey” any time he possibly can. You are his ‘wifey’ and he loves saying it.

or ‘husband’ if that is what you prefer. every time. “Hey Husband.” what is your name? Husband.

flowers/chocolates/food/gifts weekly. just because he likes the look on your face when he comes home

you know that Roseanne post where dan gets her flowers? Yeah, that’s him

date night every wednesday (bc Fridays are busy) and sometimes it’s fancy, other times it’s not (”What do you mean Panda isn’t romantic? This is peak romance right here.”)

randomly massages parts of your body without asking

“What are you looking at Shiro?” “Only the most beautiful person in the universe.” “You’re a loser.” “But a loser who’s in looove~”

*soft sigh* “How did I get so lucky?” you’d think you’d be used to this, but it still makes you blush years later

“You’re so perfect, absolutely perfect.” “Shiro…I’m picking up dog shit.” “Yeah~”

has pictures of you, your daughters, and your pitbulls (3) all over his work area

there’s a small voltron dedicated area too, but it’s tiny compared to his family area. Lance is appalled.

“You won’t believe how cute my girls were this weekend!” proceeds to whip out the new 63 photos long album on facebook

speaking of, amateur Dad Photographer Shiro

he’s got a fancy Cannon with a bunch of different lenses

weekend daughter photoshoots are a hoot

your girls grow up loving it, being dramatic, imitating tyra banks, wearing ridiculous outfits, they are owning that back yard

they continue pretty much until the girls are like 13, because “It’s embarrassing dad!” “Ok, but I’m supposed to be embarrassing?” 

Soccer Mom Shiro

he’s got shirts that say his daughter’s names and numbers for every sport

he’s got noise makers and flags

the obnoxious parent who heckles the refs

“Hey ref! Did you come from FootLocker!? Because that was BULLSHIT!”

“oH SCREW YOU COACH! YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER THERE AND SHOW YOU HOW A REAL ELBOW GETS THROWN??!!”

he gets red carded, a lot.

you don’t even fight it anymore

the team loves him though because he’s super supportive of the other girls and he brings some killer snacks

not homemade though, he can’t cook for shit

remember his Expedition? He finally traded her in for a new version and is the official Mom Car™ for team/friend trips

let me repeat, he can not cook for shit. but for some reason he can throw it down of the barbecue

convinced it’s a perk you unlock after childbirth

very protective of his daughters, but respects their right to privacy and right to do their own things

but he taught them how to fight, so every fuck boi within a 10 mile radius knows not to fuck with the Shirogane Twins

he chugs that Respect Women Juice

wants to break a kid the first time a daughter cries over a romantic partner. but then he remembers murder on Earth is illegal. 

overly supportive in whatever his daughters and you choose to pursue

just overly supportive in everything really

he basically lives for you guys 

doesn’t get sick for some reason, so whenever someone is sick in the house, Nurse Shirogane/Dad is on it

“Who wore their shoes in the house?? Seriously?”

*pinches his nose with a deep sigh* “I’m sorry, my daughter punched Travis. But frankly, he kept harassing her even after she told him to stop snapping her bra strap. So the question we should be addressing here, Principal, is why your teacher allowed this sexual harassment to continue and did nothing to help my daughter?” Guess who got detention? Not his daughter.

Wants to cry a bit when his daughters start asking questions about sex

but he’ll be damned if they don’t know everything

it was actually a good family talk, after the initial awkwardness

The Hot Dad

his daughters’ friends all have a crush on him and he can’t figure out why

it’s totally not because he’s hot

or that he’s actually interested in what they have to say

or that he does yard work shirtless

or that he remembers random facts about them that they thought he would forget

nope

his daughters are grossed out

you think its hilarious because you get to tap that

drops off his girls at school

“Have fun! I love you! Make good decisions! I miss you already!”

“OmG DAD GO HOME!”“GROOOOSSS!”

goes to pick them up and has a little sign like people do at the airport that says “Shirogane” with like glitter and hearts and shit

the twins are embarrassed each time but they secretly love it

threw up the first time he had to change a poopy diaper

he did it though. he did it.

sings around the house a lot, just little random song parts or to the dogs

“Where oh where are my pup-py dogs~?” the dogs come slipping and sliding around the corner every time you guys come home

*badly and purposely out of tune* “And there’s the love of my liiiiife!!!~” “Oh stop it Shiro!” “She thinks I’m talking about her~. but I’m talking about the noo~odles~” *you throw a noodle at his head*

accompanied by bad dance moves

speaking of puppy dogs, has 3 pitbulls that look vicious as hell but they’re just as sweet as him

they are wonderfully trained and big babies

his ‘other children’ 

wouldn’t hurt a fly, but ain’t nobody fuck with you guys on walks

Their names are Mr. Murder (Murds for short), Cupcake (Cakey), and Rebel (Bells). He didn’t name them. The girls did.

There is also a grumpy house cat that nobody knows how old it is or how you acquired it. The Captain has just, always been…

Cappy showed up one day and never left

he’s a solid grey Blue Russian/Siamese mix with green eyes that rules the dogs

only loves Shiro and tolerates everyone else (he loves you guys really, but Shiro is his person)

Shiro baby talks him, “Who’s a good murder cat? You are! Yes! You!!!”

the house cleaner, his house and yard is spotless.

once broke out a ruler to measure the grass. you made fun of him.

“I swear to God, if Jim’s nasty ass tree grows over the fence this year, I will cut it down. I don’t give a fuck.”

fond of power washing

hot mechanic, does his own car work

head kisses for everyone! you are a well kissed family

also you’re the couple that’s always got your hands linked, arms wrapped around each other, or just leaning against each other

you’re always touching. always.

family Halloween costumes

Halloween is his JAM

lives for Halloween decorating

watches House Hunters religiously

The one who drags the family to World Market and Kohl’s for house decor

the house is definitely decorated for every major holiday

and he’s actually really good at decor? Like, you wouldn’t think so given with his clothing style and bad hair cut, but wow. you’ve got a nice house. (yes, i’m dragging Shiro)

you’ve come home routinely to the girls doing is hair and makeup and nails

“Hey honey, look how pretty I am. Didn’t the girls do a wonderful job?” “Just…marvelous dear.” “Right? Your turn is next.” oh no…

doesn’t wash off the nail polish, nobody makes fun of him. nobody.

tries to make you breakfast in bed on your birthday and valentine’s day

he can only make harboiled eggs and toast

when the girls get older, it gets more elaborate because they can help

super excited to teach the girls how to drive, but worried about dying

screamed more than once in the car and tried to slam on his invisible break

“Please…stop… you’re making my hair whiter…”

“I said SLOW, THIS IS NOT SLOW!!!”

Hands are pressing on the roof of the car and he’s twisted in the seat trying to brace himself

one day he figures out how to work the crockpot and can now contribute to family meals

loves taking you guys camping

tent camping, because RV camping ‘isn’t real’

a pyromaniac

everyone needs a personal bear mace and a dog at all times

the cat goes too, on a harness

family snuggles in the hammock for star gazing. including said pets. it’s a big hammock. 

everyone has an absurd knowledge about space. he was an astronaut and lived in space for a few years, so yeah

routinely uses Scary Aunt Allura as a threat

selfies!!! he has a lot of surprise ones where he just comes up and kisses you and takes the picture

the girls are selfie queens too family pictures happen. a lot.

“Family selfie!!” “We’re at Albertson’s????” “Don’t care, get in here.”

just, embarrassing but totally authentic dad!Shiro melts me

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