#bath and body works chocolate fondue

[y2kbeautyandother2000sstuff]

Bath and Body Works Tutti Dolci Creme Brulee and Chocolate Fondue Lip Gloss

2004

Found on Ebay, user premium.deals583

[anteroom-of-death]

Life, For Dummies p9

a/n: a nice filler chapter. i woke up, edited this and now i must go back to bed. enjoy a cheeky bit of whatever the heck this is...

You woke up again, another confused morning. Not overall the biggest one yet, but you still laid there, half happy and yet, half sorting out everything. You smelled the coffee from the other room. His coffee was always such a comfort and beyond excellent. Never went stale or bitter either. 

He really had you wrapped around his little finger, and what a way, via caffeine. 

You stretched out in your bed and felt the collar shift around your neck slightly, and went to readjust it properly. 

Closing your eyes and focusing on the now, you came to terms with all this slowly, the heat of the day slowly pouring in on your body and warming you up. You focused on feeling the rotations of the fan and the breeze on your bare midriff. You inhaled and held it for a few seconds before releasing it, as much as you were curious what terrible read that the Master was devouring and what the next logical step of this whole shebang was. But bed was good, bed was comfy, bed felt good with your nice duvet and fluffy pillows surrounding you. You felt lazy and a tad sore, so you let bed win out for a bit. 

Once your loafing was done, you got out of bed and made a laborious moan and cracked your neck and sternum. You decided to prep slowly and let him wait a bit more. It was only right, waiting on one level, mini wait on another…

The coffee would be still piping hot. 

You came out plain faced but a little tarty. He was lounging reading a book in what looked like an alien language, so no quippy remark this time from you. Maybe he planned it that way- he was tired of you ragging on his shitty taste in literature.You rolled your eyes and sat down to enjoy your coffee. “No fair- I can’t read alien scribbles.” You teased, lightly smacking him on the knee.

“It’s high old Gallifreyan. It’s a hidden erotic text from what construed as our dark ages.” He murmured, half lost in it. “Maybe teach me it, no fun if I can’t join in…” You teased, though erotica in the Master’s native tongue would be fun to read. Would allow more context on what made him.

You knew the amount of fanfiction you read probably shaped your subconscious in ways that you'd have to dig up Frued and have him work on you full time. 

“That’s a thought…” He mused.

You nodded and went back to your mug. Your paranoia kept you waiting for the other shoe to drop. You placed your mug down and squinted hard at him reading. You rested your chin on the crook of your fingers and your arm on your thigh, tapping your thumb on the base of your throat in a half anxious way. 

Eventually you sighed and motioned the book away from him, “So what’s the deal? What are we doing? All of this, are we leaving today or what?” You sort of pointed everywhere. You had a lot of questions. It was only fair that he didn’t leave you in an information lurch.

“I figured we’d laze around here today and work on moving you into the TARDIS again but I’d like to properly enjoy breaking you in again.” He winked. 

You squinted again. 

“You make out like I’m a pair of shoes you haven’t worn in a hot minute.” You did a light chortle. “That’ll inflate my self esteem.” You sarcastically added.

“Aren’t you?” He cooly retorted.

“Good one.” You wagged a finger at him. ‘You’re hilarious!”

“Oh, do I have to punish you?” The tone was lighthearted and jovial and yet it laid a real threat.

“Bring it on, Time Boy.” You pushed a little further. You grinned largely and stuck out your tongue. 

He pulled you over suddenly and firmly by your ear and up towards your face. “Hmmm...looks like I do.” He was apoplectic yet smooth. “What should a brat like you get for questioning her Master?” He pulled you up over his knees and ripped down the shorts you had on. “So, I’m gonna spank you, but you have to count?” He stroked your ass gently with one of his hands while he supported your weight with the other by your neck.

“I’m thinking twenty?” You could hear a smirk from above you. You rolled your eyes, “How does that sound?” He stroked your ass again and grabbed a cheek with one hand, “Does that sound good, pet?” He let a finger linger on your cunt. You let out an anticipatory shiver. “Yes, Master.”

He paddled, you counted, after you reached twenty, you were doubting if you could sit after. You forgot how paddle-like his hands were. After twenty he massaged your ass and your clit, gently making sure he didn’t do any lasting damage. You still were irradiating heat and yet were gently brought to a gentle reward of an orgasm. He was a compassionate dictator, after all…

He brought you up and gently positioned you on his lap like a small doll. He pet your hair and kissed your jaw softly, gently moving up to your lips and nibbling softly, “Have you learned your lesson?” He breathed onto your lips. 

You were intoxicated with the scent and woozy, “Yes, Master...I have.”

“Good.” Then he pressed his warm, supple lips against yours.

The day faded on lazily. 

You got some boxes out of storage and started to move your precious items out into it to put back in your room in the TARDIS. It would be weird being back in there, you noted that you might have to change things up decor and interior design wise. You were fond of your tiny cottage and wanted to bring some of that into the hazy, crazy days of interdimensional space travel. You liked the slightly slow small town life you’d painstakingly made here. 

You’d definitely try to enforce a policy of nights in front of a crackling fire in picturesque sights on occasion. Lazy nights in front of a fire with a nice drink were just the best luxury one could have. 

Simple, yet relaxing.

You enjoyed a relaxing evening as much as you enjoyed everything else that the Universe could hold for you. Excitement and adventure had to be evened out with calm and relaxing. Both were good. 

Emotions washed over you in waves. You really were in such a situation. 

He was a good boy and made it up to you. You had to really give it to him for that. You found it ironic that he was the one in power yet you just applied the label “good boy” to him like he was a submissive or something. Maybe he was, but you were the one who kneeled here. That much was given. You were taken by him. 

Oh, the minute yet twisted webs weaved. 

You brought out the last of the boxes to the patio and screamed to the sky. How did you manage to accumulate such a crazy amount of stuff? Maybe Marx was right, something something consumerism fetish. 

He peeked his head out of the TARDIS and gave you a quizzical deadpanned look. 

“You summoned me?”

“How the fuck will I get this all in?” You panicked.

“Repeat after me ‘dimensionally transdimensional’, pet. It’s a whole other plane of existence in here. You know this.” 

“Oh, right.” You knew, but sometimes it overwhelmed you and you rather would just kick a box. Which you decided to do. Maybe the Master was right, you were a brat… Oh well, you had a more pressing matter than your sore bum and the Masters hands milking you until you came. 

You rolled your eyes at how eager you were to repeat the mistake of disobeying him. You bucked your hips as you tried to get your body back into packing mode and not cock-hungry. 

Waltzing up you knocked on the door you waited for him to open it. "Help me get these into my room. I won't do them all." You shrugged. 

He sighed melodramatically and joined you in moving and even unpacking them and putting your favorite mug in the kitchenette on display. "Easy access, like a certain slut I know." He tapped your nose, smirking then playfully slapping your ass.

You squeaked.

He rolled his eyes, "One more night here? We can have a fire like you like, even make a s'more. Always loved the idea of those. I read a book once as a child about alien cuisines and that was listed as a traditional Earthling dish…" His eyes lit up like a kid with a kitten.

You smiled and rubbed your ass gently, "Sure." 

You indulged him in this and sat on your Master's lap, as the wicker and vinyl seating wasn't really the most comfortable seating for you at the moment. His thighs were cushion-y and the curve of them really supported you. 

It was a lovely evening, you had to admit it. The Master's scent and the scent of pine trees and the maple wood on the fire. The chocolate and graham crackers were also adding a level of scent. If you could bottle up a scent for instant perfume production, it'd be this moment. 

You quickly figured out that the main appeal was the open flame and setting the marshmallows on fire. "Remind me to never let you near a fondue bar or make souffles." You chided as you trimmed your hair from a bit catching fire ranting under your breath about mad men and flames. He was still giggling with the stick still blazing and dancing around the yard.

It was oddly endearing. Even if you had to give yourself a DIY haircut in your kitchen sink. 

"Don't start a forest fire!" You screamed out the window. You exhaled sleepily. Despite the seven s'mores you had and the rollicking conversation you were having, you were still human, you needed to sleep. Big day tomorrow, you were moving and you were going back out on adventures. Your time here in this phase of your life was closing. You felt melancholic about it, but you wanted to see the stars again. The time off from it and the current start of your second relationship with the same Master gave you a newer, wiser perspective.

Was this growth?

If this was a story in literature class, you’d be if this was a bit of symbolism. Haircut and change. You laughed at yourself at that thought...

He came back from his fun run and asked you if you wanted to sleep, you nodded a bit and he led you into the bathroom and drew you a bath.

He really enjoyed giving you baths for some reason. Not that you minded, you were equal parts lazy and enjoyed the pampering of it. He was always so gentle with you in these times. 

Your Master even blew dried your hair and helped set it. 

He was a good Master, you were lucky to have him, you found yourself thinking as he tucked you away into the folds of your bedding like a burrito. He even kissed your forehead and turned out the lights. You found yourself thinking as you drifted deeper into sleep about ownership and how he'd been patient with you. Master was there to take care of you, all you had to do was obey him. 

You could do that. You wanted to. You would obey….

[thefanficnewbie]

The Unexpected Punk on a Snowy Night - Part Two | Chloe Price x reader

Read pt 1 here 

Summary: Now that you have a guest at home, Christmas surely won’t go as predicted, and that’s a fact. Still, watching a movie with some popcorn should be easy and entertaining enough, right? Right?

Warnings: none - apart from Chloe’s usual cursing

Author’s note: This story is set before the events in BtS.

“Chloe, c’mon! It’s almost ready!” You yelled as you poured soda into two glasses. The ‘pops’ coming from the microwave increased by the second, the familiar smell of salt and butter floating in the kitchen as your stomach roared in expectation.

“Coming!” Chloe’s voice rang a few seconds later, the third time she’d answered the exact thing since the moment she’d gotten under your shower. Not that it bothered you. The teenager had arrived with a shirt damped of beer and a persistent odor of cigarettes, besides being dangerously cold after spending so much time outside without proper clothing. She deserved a good bath.

Only now the popcorn was ready, and you had to wait for her to choose a damned movie on TV. After letting the bowl and cups on the living room side table and adding a few more cushions to the sofa for comfort, you finally let your impatience loose and headed to your suite. You didn’t worry about knocking, intending to go straight towards the bathroom door to hurry up your guest.

“Oh, shit.” You widened your eyes as you stepped into the bedroom, already regretting the decision. A dark flush spread on your cheeks, a wave of nervousness flowed through your body and you forced yourself to look away, teeth biting your lower lip.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

In front of you, stood Chloe Price, frozen by your sudden entrance, halfway through putting on one of your PJ pants, only a black top bra on her upper body. Her surprised face mirrored yours, and the following moments were filled with such an awkward silence that you started to question every choice you’ve ever made in your life.

Chloe was the first to break it. The punk hesitantly cleared her throat and reached out for the t-shirt on the bed, sliding it over her body. At that, you slowly rose your eyes to meet hers, too embarrassed to even think of an acceptable apology.

“I, uh- I forgot to take the clothes to the bathroom with me. Sorry…” She scratched the back of her neck. If it weren’t for your own self-consciousness, you might have noticed the clear blush on her face.

“No, I-” You resisted the urge to turn around and run away to Antarctica “I should’ve knocked, it’s my bad.”

“It’s fine.” Chloe said dismissively “But, um, you said the popcorn was ready?”

“Yes!” You gladly walked out of the room, still recovering from such an awkward situation. The girl followed your lead as you took the bowl and cups and climbed onto the sofa. 

“Geez, I’m starving.” Chloe dove her hand into the popcorn and brought out a fistful to her mouth. You smiled at that, continuing to browse the movies of the cable TV.

“Hm, this needs more salt.” She said in-between chews. “And no way in hell we’re watching Home Alone!” She added as the title popped on the screen. You chuckled and handed her the remote, starting to stand up.

“Wait, what are you doing?” She turned to you with furrowed eyebrows, though using the opportunity to switch channels.

“Uh, getting some more salt?”

“What? No, lemme do it.” The teen grabbed your wrist and pulled you back down.

“It’s ok, really, I-” But she was already up and heading to the kitchen.

“Don’t worry, promise I won’t break anything!” Chloe said with a smirk. You opened your mouth to protest, but decided against it with a resigned sigh, sinking back onto the sofa. The peacefulness lasted a good three seconds before realization hit you.

“Wait, Chloe!” You jumped to your feet, running after her “Careful with the-”

“Fuck!”

Your face fell as you stepped into the kitchen and spotted the punk leaning slightly over the bowl, a panicked expression her face, the shaker still on her hand, and, as you feared, a pile of salt over the popcorn. Just like a small, snowy mountain from Alaska.

Too late.

“Shit, I’m sorry, (Y/N).” She started to apologize, but you shook your head dismissively, surprisingly amused at the situation. The same thing had happened to you a week ago, only with scrambled eggs, instead of popcorn.

“Geez, it’s my bad, I should’ve warned you…” You chuckled, getting closer to have a better look at the accident. “It’s the shaker, guess it isn’t closing tight enough.”

“I noticed.” Her lips curved upward “Man, I totally ruined this.” She hesitantly tried one popcorn out of the edges of the bowl, grimacing. “Unless we want to get a bad case of hypertension.”

You rolled your eyes at her, slightly tilting your head, a smile gracing your features.

“I guess I can fix us something else… Any suggestions?” You raised an eyebrow, also trying to come up with ideas. That was the last popcorn portion you had.

“That depends… What’s on the menu?” Chloe looked at you playfully.

“Well…” You turned around and started to examine the cabinets, listing whatever you found - which honestly wasn’t much, you hadn’t gone to the grocery store in a couple weeks. “Oh, wait, I’ve got some chocolate here.” You stretched your arm to reach the bars, putting them on the table with a satisfied smile. 

“Good, ‘cause all I could find is fruit.” The teen had started to explore your refrigerator, and now placed several packages of strawberries, grapes, and cherries next to the chocolate, along with two pears and bananas.  “This is way too healthy for me, are you a bird or something?” 

“I was supposed to take those to my parent’s house.” You laughed, also slightly disturbed by the amount of fitness food in your kitchen. But Chloe wasn’t paying attention to you anymore, now staring at everything you two had assembled on the table, a hopeful smile on her face.

“Hey… Is there any chance you know how to make fondue?”

“Too much milk.”

“No, it’s not! It’s still dense.” You kept on stirring the mixture and pouring the milk in.

“It’s sauce, it’s supposed to be dense!” Chloe exclaimed exasperated, leaning on the wall beside the stove.

“Not this dense, the recipe said to put in half of the chocolate’s volume in milk.”

“Sorry to disappoint, but you passed the half mark ten minutes ago.”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“I told you s-”

“Don’t you dare!” You raised your hands in defeat, stepping back as a very smug Chloe Price took your place in front of the pan, now filled with a sauce as thin as juice.

“Next time, leave it to the pro here, will you?” She teased, earning a frustrated huff from you as you started to wash and cut the pears.

“Shut up.”

“I can’t believe we’re done!” You gleefully walked into the living room, carrying a big place full of neatly arranged fruit slices.

“Not thanks to you.” Chloe joked, following you with a bowl of delicious dark chocolate sauce.

Suddenly, a deep, unmistakable sound rang in the silent room. You instantly looked at your belly, feeling your stomach complain at the emptiness inside of it. Your cheeks warmed up, your eyes closed tight. One more cringy moment added to your vast, vast collection.

One second of awkwardness passed.

“I’ll double that.” The punk suddenly burst out laughing, almost letting the bowl fall to the ground. Seeing that, you quickly put the plate on the couch and rushed towards the girl, placing your hands over hers to try and balance the precious chocolate. The moment you touched, a wave of non-existent electricity ran through your fingers, and you could swear you heard your heart beat ten times faster.

“Close one!” She breathed out, and a smile crept onto your face as you looked from the bowl to her.

“Yeah,” Her eyes were beautiful, and you didn’t know how people managed to not stare at them for hours on end. The still rational side of your mind was kind enough to remind, though, that the eye contact was starting to become creepy and weird.

“So, um, I don’t really feel like movies right now…?” You hesitated, slowly taking your hands off hers. What if she wanted to watch something? Especially after all the work put into that fondue-

“Oh, thank God, me either.” Chloe said, visibly relieved, and another giggle left your lips. “If I had to sit through one more dumb Christmas spirit mumbo jumbo…”

“I feel ya,” You turned around, eyes scanning the room in search of something else to do. “C’mere” You smirk, making your way to the well-closed glass doors of the balcony. The snow still fell over the town, glistening as it covered each and every house, a world of whiteness that seemed to envelop your apartment and bring you to a world of your own. One you deeply wanted to share with Chloe.

The punk raised a confused eyebrow as you motioned for her to sit on the carpet, but complied nonetheless as you went to your bedroom to grab a warm, comfy blanket. Back in the living room, you handed it to her and proceeded to put both the bowl and plate on the floor in front of her. 

Finally, you turned off the lamps - leaving only the colorful Christmas lights to dimly illuminate the darkness -, pressed play on your radio so that it played a CD of soft, instrumental tunes, and happily sat down next to the girl. 

“This is hippie…” The teen commented, smirking, as she helped you wrap the blanket around the two of you. “But I like it.” And you would’ve answered, but at that moment your arms, sides, and legs touched hers. Your muscles tensed up, waves of adrenaline burned through your veins and a dozen butterflies sprouted in your stomach. Your eyes doubled size, and it took you a few moments to regain your normal breathing.

“Well, uh, are we going to eat or what?” You managed to ask, glancing at the red strawberries just waiting to be tasted.

“I thought you’d never ask!” Chloe leaned forward, ignoring the toothpicks and dipping a cherry into the sauce with her fingers, before throwing it into her mouth with a satisfied smile… That slowly turned into a grimace.

“Hothothothothot-” She mumbled with her mouth half open, desperately flapping her hands in the air. Honestly, you didn’t know whether to laugh or help. So you did both.

A minute later, and you two tried to breathe in between the laughter. Chloe with a glass of cold soda in her hand, still taking sips and grumbling about her slightly burnt tongue. You replaying the scene over and over in your head, starting to giggle again every time you thought you’d calmed down.

“Ok, I’m gonna try it now.” You announced as your chuckles died down. You chose a specially beautiful strawberry, letting only the tip of it into the chocolate. You then brought it closer to you with your other hand beneath it, to avoid drips on the floor, blew on it and finally took a careful bit.

“Did you really need to do all that?” Chloe asked, clearly unimpressed at your extra measures.

“Unlike yours, my mouth isn’t on fire now, see?” You gave her a cocky smile. “And this is delicious.” You enjoyed the lasting flavor of chocolate in your thoat.

She rolled her eyes and took in air to shoot back a sassy response, but at that second an unexpected punk rock song started playing, and Chloe frowned as she took out her cellphone.

She pressed the hang up button as soon as she glanced at the screen, but you were able to read the contact’s name, “Mom”, and the picture of the Two Whales Diner waitress, Joyce Price.

The girl grunted, shoving the device back into the pocket of the PJs. You waited for her to say something, but wasn’t exactly surprised when that didn’t happen. Dipping a piece of pear into the chocolate, you asked:

“So, what was that all about?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” She said curtly, picking a grape. 

“Yeah? Well, maybe that’s exactly what you need..” You turned to her, serious for once. A couple seconds passed and Chloe sighed, slowly leaning back until she lied completely on the floor, hands under her head to support it.

“I get it if you really don’t want to, though.” You hesitated.

“No, it’s ok, I- It’s just bullshit, you know?” She said, letting out her irritation.

‘Good’ You thought, ‘she needs to vent.’ You lied on the floor too, turning your head to her side, hands resting on your belly.

“Fucking step-douche and his stupid-ass mustache decided to steal my mom and my Christmas.” You didn’t know much about her personal life, but from the little she had told you previously, that seemed to be her mother’s boyfriend, whom she’d mentioned one or two times, each time with her voice dripping with anger - just like now. 

“That son of a bitch showed up with a turkey and God knows what, saying he’d spend the holidays with us like normal families do. Who the fuck does he think he is? We are not a fucking family! He could go and die frozen on the snow, for all I care! Hell, I myself would ask Jack Frost to fasten the work!”

You simply listened, your lips closed in a thin line and your eyebrows furrowed. You didn’t know if her anger was contagious, but you already resented the man.

“And you know what’s worse?” She kept going “My mom didn’t say a thing! She just let it happen, she was happy with it! She prepared the food like nothing was wrong, like we were all enjoying some quality time and what’s left of her husband wasn’t rotting under the fucking ground.” Her voice cracked.

“I tried to keep my cool, I fucking tried, but then that asshole started to lecture me on the values of family and Christmas, and I couldn’t deal with that bullshit anymore. So I left. I took two beers from the refrigerator, my emergency stash and walked on the street for hours. Until it started snowing, and then I winded up here.” 

Truth to be told, you had no idea how to respond to that. Silence enveloped the both of you for half a minute after she finished talking until you gathered enough words.

“Well, that really sucks.” Chloe turned to you, and you inwardly winced as her eyes begged for some comfort and reassurance. “I hope step-douche eats too much of his goddamn turkey and gets sick. And I hope you have the honor to kick his ass out of your house.”

A ghost of a smile played on her lips.

“I won’t say I understand what’s happening to you because I don’t. But I can imagine, and I can empathize, and I can listen to you the whole night long. I may not be able to offer good advice nor solve all the problems you’ve got, but you’re welcome in my apartment whenever and I’ll be happy to curse that son of a bitch with you.” You smiled, praying those simple words would reach her heart and give her some help, even if just a little bit.

“And, as awful as this Christmas may have started for you, I’m glad it brought you here.” You sat up, but still had your eyes locked on hers “‘Cause I can’t imagine a better way to spend mine.”

“That’s so cheesy.”

“I know. But it’s true, and it helped, didn’t it?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” She tried to hid a smile from you but failed.

“Now, because you were so kind to share this with me…” You picked a gorgeous strawberry and dipped it entirely into the sauce. “Have a reward! C’mon, sit up!” 

Chloe complied with an amused smile, not truly seeing what you were doing and looking at you in surprise as you pushed the fruit into her mouth.Then, she actually tasted it and her face brightened.

“Holy shit, this is amazing.”

“I know, right? All thanks to you.” You smirked.

“Damn right it is!”

And the conversation flowed from there. Whatever awkwardness, reluctance or nervousness vanished, and you two spent hours, even after the fruit and chocolate were gone, talking about the randomest of things. School, hobbies, dreams, childhood, movies, music and even anime. 

Laughter echoed in the apartment every five minutes, getting louder and louder until you had to giggle into cushions to avoid disturbing the neighbors. It became a competition of funny stories, each one making your belly muscles hurt from the effort and your eyes squint as tears streamed down your face.

And sooner than you expected, the first ray of sunlight graced the sky, which got gradually lighter as the night kissed you two goodbye, welcoming a chilly and pleasant Christmas morning. 

“Sleepy yet?” Chloe teased, seeing you rub your eyes.

“Aren’t you?”

“Nah, I could stay awake for hours still-” Her speech was betrayed by a sudden yawn, that she awkwardly tried to avoid, earning chuckles from you. “But yeah, sleep doesn’t sound bad, either.” She smiled sheepishly.

So you led her to your bedroom, gave her a brand new toothbrush and closed all the windows and curtains, trying to create a fake “nightly atmosphere”. Against her weak protests, you insisted that she should sleep in your bed with you - it was double, after all. As if you’d let her sleep on the couch.

And now, after such a long night, both of you warm and cozy under a couple blankets, listening to the early birds chirping outside, you couldn’t picture a better moment than that. Minutes passed, the best parts of the past night still playing before your eyes. 

Chloe and you were turned each to a side, back to back, but as sleepiness started to get the best of you, you slowly turned to her side, whispering:

“Chloe? You awake?” 

A few seconds passed without a response, and you concluded she was asleep. With that knowledge, you gathered enough courage to say what had been floating in your head for hours.

“I really like you.” 

Happy for finally saying it out loud, even though knowing she wouldn’t hear you, you closed your eyes and let the tiredness take over you. Just as you were about to drift into sleep though, you felt the bedsheets moving, and then heard Chloe’s drowsy, but amused voice:

“I really like you, too.”

So, this is the end of this two-shot! Hope y’all liked it!

Once again, I’d really appreciate any feedback and/or reblogs! 

Friendly reminder that requests are opened for both male and female characters (romatnic or platonic).

Merry Christmas! :D

[ccshipper]

Things you’d said when I was crying. This occurs a week after Rebecca first dumps Nathaniel.

Nathaniel pounded through the last 2 miles on the treadmill, upping the speed to 8 mph and the elevation to 4. He had to get those extra pounds off, Rebecca had ended things and now he could work off all that fondue and those pizzas. Carbs were the enemy, he knew that, so why had he fallen into bad habits so quickly?

First he had let her order something different to eat while he ate the salmon salad he had prepared for them, then another date she had ordered a desert for them to ‘share’ and he couldn’t let her eat it all, that would be unhealthy for Rebecca.

All the bliss of the slices of pizza eaten and chocolate sundaes devoured blurred with the feeling of her body against his in his bed. The soft and beautiful flesh of her, the embodiment of decadence became tied up with the calorific food and he had eaten without hating himself for it. It was the first time he could remember eating like that since college. Now he was filled with shame and self loathing.

He had already done his weight routine and swum laps and his body ached with tiredness, but he pushed through the last yards until he stumbled off the treadmill, hydrating with his detoxing drink. Sweat soaked his shirt and socks.

Later, at work, his pants felt a little looser and his shirt collar was almost back to normal. 3 weeks of indulgence and pleasure, 1 week of starvation and purging through exercise and he would be back, ice cold, in control. So why did he feel so miserable? Getting up at 5 to fit in a 2 hour workout is all it is, he told himself.

‘Bear claw, buddy?’ Asked Darryl, his moustache covered in flaky pastry, his voice muffled. ‘I noticed you liked those ones last time’.

The box of donuts were open in the break room. Nathaniel felt his stomach growl and a rage flare up inside him. ‘How had he weakened so much to voluntarily eat a bear claw? To indulge a little with a lady at his apartment was one thing, but to casually wash down a 400 calorie pastry at work between clients was disgusting.

‘Those things raise your blood sugar so much you would need to run for an hour to burn it off you know Darryl’ Nathaniel said snidely. Darryl froze guiltily, the flakes falling all over the front of his shirt.

Nathaniel strode away from the break room, he didn’t need food today, he was on a fast, he would drink only his detox drinks and stay away from everyone. No coffee even, he was strong, he didn’t need coffee.

The day dragged on about the Weischler case, a dispute between two local business and the ambiguity between the boundaries of their properties. One wanted to extend their alfresco area and garden and the other premise argued that they were over their boundary ( spoiler alert, they were).

Maya tried to talk him about furries and how he would be free to enjoy them now. He didn’t understand what she was saying but he was so tired and hungry he agreed with her.

Around 5, deflated and exhausted he drove home, past Rebecca’s house to see if she was home. The light was on. He could think of several things he left at her place and spontaneously pulled in outside.

He knocked on the door, Heather opened it.

‘Hi, uuuum, Rebecca’s…. indisposed right now’ she said slowly, with an unreadable expression.

‘Look, if Rebecca’s trying to avoid me, it’s nothing, I just came for my ascot, I left it here a few weeks ago and I, ahh, just remembered it’ he said smoothly, putting his hand lightly on the door.

‘No, you don’t get to push your way in here, I said she was indisposed and you are to take my word for it’. Heather put her tattooe d arm on her hip and straightened up. Her chin lifted and tilted to one side, daring him to try again.

‘Hey, that’s fine, I’m going, I don’t need the ascot, I’ll just buy another’ he backed out on to the porch and stumbled slightly on one of Rebecca’s decorative stones.

Startled, he realised how dizzy from hunger he was, then the exhaustion of little sleep and punishing exercise hit him again and he felt tears spring up in his eyes, tears of frustration and hurt and embarrassment.

He pulled off his suit jacket, flung it over his arm and wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his expensive shirt sleeve. He wobbled dejectedly back to the car.

Just as he was leaving the porch though, the door swung open again.

‘Nathaniel!’ Rebecca padded out in a robe, her hair was wet and she had clearly been in the tub, there were bubbles on her neck and her eye make up was slightly streaked.

‘Hey, Rebecca!?’ Turning to have her he tried to sound jovial but he found it hard to muster up the enthusiasm.

‘Oh my God, Nathaniel have you been crying?!’ She sounded concerned but also slightly touched and proud.

Again, the tears burst from his eyes, unbidden, he let out a sob. He was being touched by Rebecca, her fingers were cool and damp on his bare wrist and then another sob escaped him, he sniffed loudly.

‘No’ he said stupidly, his face crumpling. Instinctively she flung her arms around him and burrowed into his armpit. He wrapped his arms around her, the sobs came more freely now and he no longer cared how he sounded or looked. He put his hands in her hair and smelled at the familiar scent of her shampoo.

When his sobs grew softer she led him over to a rattan love seat on the porch and laid his head in her lap.

‘Are you okay?’ She asked, running her fingers through his soft hair. He lay compliantly against her blue waffle robe. He could smell the scent of her bubble bath, the smell of her make-up and behind it all, the scent of Thai take away.

‘No, I’m not, I miss you and I’m just, Oh God, I’m so…’

He pulled his head up to face her, she put her hands on his face.

‘I’m so….. Hungry!’ He blurted, his stomach growled.

‘Have you been fasting again? Because that worked so well last time!’ She said wryly, affectionately touching the hair at the top that curled slightly.

He sighed.

‘Come in.’ She said softly. ‘I ordered Thai beef salad for Heather but she said she is a vegetarian or something but I never listen because I’m not really interested’.

She pulled him to his feet and grabbed his hand. He hesitated, pulling back.

She turned to look at him and raised her eyebrows. He looked back at her.

‘All right, there’s some of that disgusting low calorie vegetable soup in the freezer that you made a while back, you can have that’. She rolled her eyes at him and he let himself be led inside.

He mentally calculated that a whole bowl of that soup was only about 50 calories, stepping over the door frame.

[genesisarclite]

Constants and Variables, Pt. VII

This chapter was a lot of fun. I laid out the rough outline first, changed my mind more than once about what would happen, then went back and spent a couple hours rewriting and expanding it. I wanted it to have a... surreal quality, like a waking dream, so I would recommend listening to something similar to this while reading, as it’s the kind of music I listened to while writing it.

note: Melanie and Kris were inspired by the krogan bickering about “Presidium fish” from Mass Effect 2. it’s a silly aside to ground this story’s increasingly surreal atmosphere. 

For over a week, Morgan didn’t appear. Jason worried, sitting at his desk and staring at his terminal without seeing, while Mika, sometimes joining everyone else in the cafe, asked once where he was. Alex didn’t turn up, either. The doctors and nurses and technicians could say nothing about what had happened. Aislinn went about her rounds, and she got very good at keeping her mind off the vice president and on her tasks. The question of “where is Morgan” only rose to her lips once, when she had to visit the trauma center after slicing herself open by accident, but the nurse couldn’t answer her, only giving her a hopeless look while he patched the wound.

During that week, she didn’t bring boxes to his office, as Jason turned her away every time she approached the keypad. She worked in silence around him, noting the creases in his forehead. Whatever happy spark she’d known before was gone, a sensation shared by other execs and high-ranked personnel she came across.

By the time the end of her shift rolled around and the weekend had come, exhaustion led to her collapsing in her pod and sleeping for six straight hours.

When she woke at midnight, the sheets were tossed about and her stomach empty, so she got up.

She had never wandered around Talos this late, when the majority of employees were asleep. Most of the lights in Crew Quarters were turned low and soft, aside from some safety lighting and ambient illumination in the corners. She followed the hall past the mid-level suites, moving as quietly as she could manage, the hall lit only by recessed lights, most of the nooks filled by thick shadows that seemed to waver around her, as though slinking about, predatory. Even the central lobby lacked its normal luminance, fingers of shadow forming where the lights did not reach and slinking their way up to the tall ceiling, so dark that it looked like a gaping maw staring down at her.

It unnerved her; she hunched her shoulders on instinct, eyes darting back and forth, questioning her sanity in choosing to leave the relative safety of the pods.

The Moon and Sun were out of sight, bathing the station in darkness.

Her work boots made soft thumps on the plush carpet as she ascended the wide staircase to the Yellow Tulip balcony. All of the large lamps that usually shed brilliant golden light upon the balcony were shut off, leaving only the safety lights in the corners and along the walls. None of it quite reached the ceiling here, either, and so she walked through a haze of darkness, picking her way past flowers closed up for the night.

She looked left through the huge windows of the bar to see most of the lights turned off there, as well, aside from the faint red light of Tizzy as it floated about, tending to things here and there.

The threshold of the bar was dark; she hesitated and looked all around, rubbing her arms. The shadows were so deep in places that she felt as though something hid there, waiting for her to walk past before leaping out. The moment she let her guard down, she would be lost to the darkness.

Nerves, she told herself, but her eyes flicked back and forth all the same.

She crossed the threshold, receiving a welcoming beep from Tizzy, but it otherwise left her alone – programmed not to disturb the night shift, perhaps. In the corner, Duncan left a box for night workers to pick from if they needed a snack; she opened it and picked out a can of green tea, now at room temperature, and a bag of tomato jerky. The box was mostly full, so she didn’t worry too much about eating from it tonight.

As she sat down at a side booth, she heard the sound of a pair of footsteps approaching and glanced over to see two night workers, both women, one with light brown straight hair and the other with much darker curls. She recognized them right away as Melanie and Kris, maintenance crew who kept odd hours. They both had engineering expertise, so they rarely had an Operator in tow, and always hung around together. From what she’d been able to gather, they bickered quite a bit, yet they were good friends, and their sniping never seemed too hostile.

The curly-haired woman carried a lamp in one hand, spilling a pool of blue-white light before her. It reflected off the glass and metal of the bar, scattering it in wild patterns all around. Aislinn moved a little closer to the wall. Something about the scattered light and inky shadows disturbed her, in a primal sort of fashion, but she couldn’t place why. It made no sense – she had only been afraid of the dark as a small child, and had welcomed it when she could on Earth, enjoying the sights and sounds that came with the world’s night.

Yet she couldn’t shake the feeling. Removing a glove, she rubbed at the injection site over her eye.

The light bobbed around, disembodied, before Kris hung it on a loop jutting from the wall. The pool now bathed both women in light, casting enormous copies of their bodies in black, sharp-edged ink on the walls. “Duncan said it was back here.” Kris knelt at the back of the bar wall and withdrew a flat-headed screwdriver, which she proceeded to wedge between two panels. The screwdriver glittered in the light like a metal fang. “Gotta just pop this off.”

“I’ve got a crowbar on me. Might work better?”

“Yeah, probably. Gimme.”

Aislinn opened the bag of jerky and popped open the can. Neither sound disturbed the engineers, too busy were they at the panel to pay her any mind. Tizzy floated out from behind the bar, stared at them for a minute, then went back to whatever it had been up to, out of sight once more. The smell of green tea and ham-flavored tomatoes mingled and made her wrinkle her nose – it reminded her a little of poor-quality dog food.

“So, Kris,” Melanie said, dropping to one knee, “heard anything about Morgan?”

“No. Figured if he’s dead, they’ll tell us. Hold here.”

“I just hope he’s okay.” Melanie gripped the edge of the panel while Kris pried at it from the other side. “It bothers me so much, knowing he got hurt, but not knowing how he’s doing. Some of the other people I’ve talked to, they're just as bad. Some are really worried. Do you know Jason Chang, Morgan’s secretary? He’s not sleeping.”

“Morgan’ll be fine, I’m sure.” Kris popped the panel off. It clattered to the ground. “Why’s there another one back here?”

“You think they’d tell us if he was dead?”

“Melanie, I know you’re fascinated with Morgan. I really don’t care to hear about it right now.” Kris shoved the panel to the side and bent down further before laying flat on her stomach and turning over onto her back.

Melanie shook her head. “Can you blame me? And don’t be so insensitive, Kris. He’s the vice president. People are gonna worry, and that’s okay. I’m not as worried as some, but I still am. Can’t imagine how Alex feels...”

“I seriously don’t get your hype.”

Melanie’s lips curved into a faint smile. “Very funny.” Pause. “Wait, you don’t?”

“No.”

“Kris, have you seen him? Especially when he’s... well, working out?”

“No.”

“You’d get it if you did. Those workout clothes are something to die for on him. They let you see everything. He has some really wide shoulders, and a real deep chest. It’s good reason to work out more, just to see that. And that voice...”

“Don’t care. Hand me that wrench.”

“It’s like... melting butter. No, wait, fondue, over butter.” Melanie blinked, then muttered, “Does that work?”

“I really don’t get how you think it’s okay to fantasize about your boss.”

Aislinn took a swig of the tea and studied the bag of the bag. Since the day she had arrived, she’d heard other women fawn over Morgan, but not one had ever dared attempt to get close enough to do anything about it. None were as close as her, not even the female techs he worked alongside – at least, as far as she knew. He was the object of many a wandering eye, just far enough out of reach to be a true fantasy.

How many of those women knew she worked close with him, been seen with him, spoken extensively with him? Would they be jealous of her, or would they just not even care?

“He’s not exactly my boss. Besides, it’s not like I ever talk to him. There’s nothing wrong with appreciating him from afar, you know. His eyes are so gorgeous, you know? Color of dark chocolate. Could stare at them for hours.”

Kris growled at the second panel before popping it off. “Cool.”

“Those eyes, that voice, make me wanna–”

“Stopping there is a good idea. Ah, here’s the break he told us about. Tizzy! Shut off the tap for me over there!”

Tizzy beeped an acknowledgment. Something squeaked.

“Cool. Okay, let’s see if we can...” The wrench slipped out of her hand and banged on the fallen panel, drawing another curse from the woman. She contorted her body to avoid having to sit up, ending with a comical pose of her folded nearly sideways and stretching out with one arm, snagging the wrench with her fingertips, then carefully dragging it inch by inch back over until she could return to her original pose.

“These uniforms are pretty tight, and when he walks by... have you ever looked at him from behind?”

Kris sounded pained when she said, “Stop.”

“You can really see how much he works out when you look at him from the back. The way that bu–”

“I have a screwdriver, Melanie.”

Melanie toyed with the panel on the floor a moment. “He kind of... I don’t know, sashays when he walks. In a very, very manly way, mind you. Makes it real hard not to see he got the boo–”

“Screwdriver I has, Melanie.”

Aislinn concentrated on not choking on a mouthful of jerky. It was inappropriate to talk about the vice president that way, of course, but Melanie didn’t seem to care one whit. It was an appreciated distraction, though – a bit of humor in the middle of the night, drawing her mind away from its worries for a little while.

And Melanie only voiced the lingering thoughts in the back of her mind. While she’d never fantasized that way, nor had she ever looked him over very extensively, she wasn’t blind to his attractiveness. With the way he carried himself, the confident swagger and the cool, steady eyes, he wasn’t either.

“Oh, c’mon, Kris, you can look.”

“Apparently I gotta remind you of my fiance back on Earth, which I’m, y’know, due to visit in two months. Look, I already got the best guy in the universe to fantasize about. Drooling over our boss isn’t how I wanna spend my time. Now shut up and hand me that other wrench. Other wrench. Other wrench. Thank you.”

“Kris, he’s really sexy and you know it.”

“No, he’s attractive to some people, and I'm not one of ‘em.” Kris popped a piece of pipe off and inspected it under a light that hung from her utility belt a moment. “Go fabricate me one of these,” she said, slapping the pipe into Melanie’s hand and nudging her knee with one foot. “Go on, go.”

Melanie stood and swiped her hair behind one ear – not pulled back like it was supposed to be, maybe because there wasn’t anyone around who cared that it didn’t fit regulation. She then turned on her heel and speed-walked out, leaving Kris on her back and staring at the ceiling in silence for a long time. In the dim glow of the safety lighting, it was hard to make out more than the basics of her expression, but she seemed content to just lie there a bit.

“Sorry about Melanie,” she said suddenly, picking her head up to look at Aislinn. “She’s probably mid-cycle.”

Knowing to what she referred, Aislinn hid her smile. “It’s cool. I got it.”

“Glad you do.” She dropped her head back.

Aislinn was halfway done with the bag of jerky when Melanie returned, handing the fresh pipe piece to Kris. The curly-haired woman then set to work putting it back in place, fiddling with the fittings on either end until a piece of sealant fell off in a crumbly mess. Muttering curses, Kris produced a tube of sealant from her belt pouch, screwed the pipe in, and carefully applied a line of the stuff to the gap that had resulted.

“How could you not be attracted to him? I mean, it’s like somebody whipped up a batch of pure hotness with him.”

“Melanie, I swear on all that is good...”

“You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about it, or noticed. He’s just so–”

“I don’t care.”

“But he’s just so sexy. You’ve got weird taste.”

Kris finished sealing the pipe and inspected the rest of it. When more of the old sealant crumbled off, she muttered something and produced a small brush with stiff bristles, sweeping most of the remaining stuff away. “No.”

“You’re such a liar and you know it.”

“He’s shorter than me. And he’s younger than both of us. Quit acting like a lovestruck teen.”

“So? Shorter doesn’t mean anything. He’s smart, he’s hot, and he’s got a voice that could melt butter just from being in the same room with him. Look, I’m not the only woman who–”

“You’d sooner find a gold nugget under your pillow tomorrow morning than get him to pay attention to you.”

This time, Melanie hesitated before saying, “I... I know. All of us do.”

“Then why bother with the impossible?”

The woman shook her head again, hair sifting around her shoulders. The light scattered on the individual hairs, making them glitter like silver strands. The dance of light and shadow drew Aislinn’s eye, making her skin prickle. What was wrong with her tonight? Had something woken her, and she just couldn’t remember it?

“Alright, you win.” Melanie shifted her weight, running a fingertip across the floor. “I’m done.”

Aislinn carefully sealed what was left of the jerky and rolled up the bag, drained the rest of the can, and crushed it into a metal pancake before making her way out.

She took the can to the recycler and carried the jerky with her, but didn’t return to her pod, instead wandering into the darkened Rec Center to see what she else she could find. Everything was still, the massive television in the main seating area off, and only a few safety lights had been left on, providing just enough luminance for her to avoid stumbling around. Ignoring the stairs to the upper floor, she instead stood in the darkness for a while, arms folded, leaning against the wall, and gazed out into the main seating area in silent wonder.

The station always seemed to be brimming with life. Even now, when the shadows were long and thick, and the lights were low, she could still somehow feel the sensation of life, humming through the metal and the ever-present breeze brushing across her cheeks and through her hair. The night crew was fastidious and discreet, flitting from shadow to shadow as they worked. Even the Operators seemed to have been programmed to keep quiet, their machine songs kept to a minimum, and the station slept in peaceful quiet otherwise. It felt like a warm blanket, enveloping her and beckoning her to sleep, and the longer she stood there, the quieter her mind became, until her eyelids felt heavy.

Yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that every single shadow watched it – formless, ethereal creatures, creeping along walls and ceilings, waiting for her to turn her back so they could pull her down into the darkness. Something had awoken her, she reasoned, but no matter how deep she delved into her memory, whatever dreams she’d had before waking would not return her searching. Perhaps it had been a nightmare. Perhaps it had been nothing.

It took a minute, but she made out a shape, human, on the sofa in front of the darkened television, barely visible as a dim gray outline against the black.

Her chest tightened in a swift contraction, pulse skipping, a quick intake of breath rasping down her throat, and she took a swift step backward. The suit bumped the wall before her body did, a dull thud that seemed too loud in the silence. Pulse rapid in her chest, she tried to regain control of her breathing.

For a moment – just a moment – she had slipped into some dreamlike state where every shadow was a demon.

Something had awoken her that night. But what?

Her skin prickled, and her footsteps, even dulled by the carpet, seemed far too loud, breaking the beautiful silence.

“If you’re trying to be discreet, I heard you when you first came in.”

The voice sent a jolt up her spine. The spark spread to the tips of her fingers, where they curled and uncurled at her sides. The leather of her gloves made quiet creaking sounds. She walked slowly over to the sofa and sat down on the other end, staring at the gray shape, searching for his features.

He moved then, to the corner, and switched on another safety light. Its warm golden glow provided just enough light to make out his features when he sat back down.

Seeing him again was like being punched in the stomach, hard enough to knock the wind out of her. She remembered sitting with her head in her hands, panicking until she couldn’t breathe anymore. Whatever she was to him, she knew what he had become to her, and it scared her half to death, because he was her boss, the vice president... and she had to force herself not to stare at him, not to think, not to dream. Not to want.

Because she could appreciate his features and his attention, but anything more than that–

Even to herself, she sounded like a broken record.

“Was wonderin’ how you were.”

Morgan studied her a long time, sleepy, arm resting on the back of the sofa, body canted at an angle that told her he just wanted to curl up right there and go to sleep. Except for a bit of darkness under his eyes, he seemed fine, the bruise gone from above his eye, hair back to its usual cut. “Couldn’t sleep. Bad dreams.” His brow wrinkled, lips pursing, but the expression vanished a few beats later. “It’s quiet here. Helps me think.”

“Right.” Her hands fiddled in her lap as she tried to look polite, studying him, tracing the angular bone structure and the distinct slant of each eye, the way his hair fell over his forehead in a sweep of deep brown. The strands shone gold in the light, a play of light and darkness, unsettling her all over again. The conflict of his familiar presence and the cold, deep darkness of the strange shadows made it difficult to focus.

And unfortunately, the sleepy, intimate atmosphere made it very, very difficult to ignore how very alone they were.

He blinked, leaning slightly toward her, then said, “I know you.”

She chewed the inside of her lip. “Well, I’m–”

“Wait, please.” His voice was soft, almost too low to hear, and it fit the ambiance perfectly – sweet, sleepy, warm, inviting, far from the cold eyes and metal walls she’d encountered before.

It sent a shiver up her spine.

“I know you.” The words came out a little raspy. “I do. I know you, but... I don’t know how I know you. Who... what... are you to me? How long have I known you?”

She ran her tongue over her teeth. “Aislinn Kelly, part of the maintenance sector. I stock things, like your office.”

“You stock... my office.” The frown deepened. “My office. Have we spoken before?”

Lie, her mind said. Her mouth said, “Lots of times.”

“Yes. Yes, we have. Aislinn.” Recognition spread across his features. “I... it seems I know you from a previous trial or two. I had the same sense of deja vu when I ran into some of the–” He clamped his mouth shut and looked away from her.

“I know about the trials,” she said. “Told me when you first started ‘em.”

His eyes returned to hers. “What else did I tell you?”

The breath she took this time felt chilly in her lungs. “That you wanna play the piano, and you like caramel-flavored coffee. This and that, really. That your...” Did she need to tell him this? But maybe it would be enough to convince him, and then she could leave, and sleep in peace until the station’s “dawn” arrived. “That... your middle name is Tyler, and that you don’t much like it, so you don’t go tellin’ people it.”

In the light, his eyes shone, the shadows falling across his features as soft as his voice. “You’re right, I’m not keen on telling people that name. That means... you’ve been close, to me, throughout these trials, one of the constants.”

“In a sea of variables, yeah. But I wouldn’t say... ah, ‘close’ is the right word...”

“But it’s good we ran into each other again.” He settled back into the sofa. “I’m here not just because the dreams woke me up, but also to get away from my brother. He worries, way too much. I’m still his ‘little brother’.” Closing his eyes, he let his head fall back. The light now fell across his throat and outlined his jaw – a line she followed, not unwillingly, with her wandering and appreciative eyes, down to where it melted into the uniform.

“You look like you need more sleep,” she said.

“Sleep will come later. Thinking comes now.” He folded his hands in his lap, the corner of his lips turning up. “I’ve run into you a lot, haven’t I? The trials have been going on for a long time.”

She uncurled her fingers and took a deep breath. It was just Morgan. “And I’m in your office, stackin’ things and catching you hunched over somethin’ every time, usually two or three times a week. Haven’t been up recently, since you went AWOL on us. Can’t tell me about that, though, right?”

Deep breath and soft exhale. “No, sorry.”

“Not surprised,” she muttered, lowering her head into one hand as she propped that elbow on a knee. “Funny we both couldn’t sleep and all. Didn’t have bad dreams, but I just slept for six straight hours and just... woke up. At least...” Without meaning to, she looked around again. “...I don’t think I dreamed, but I don’t... know for sure.”

“But keeping odd hours isn’t a bad thing.”

“Not... no, not usually,” she said with a nod, “but I don’t normally wake up like this.”

“You sound a little distressed. Something bothering you?”

Again, she looked around. “N... no, I’m just fine.”

“Aislinn,” he said, “you wouldn’t be jumping at shadows, literally, if you were.”

For a moment, she closed her eyes, gathering herself. She could trust him, she knew she could. The only thing holding her back was herself, and no shame existed within the desire to be comforted. “Just... the shadows, like you said. Somethin’ about them doesn’t feel right, like they’re... looking at me.”

Something flashed through his eyes as the skin around them tightened. “Looking at you?”

“I... I just... no, it’s fine. Fine.”

Without blinking, he scrutinized her, the safety light reflecting in the depths of his eyes – a golden star, suspended in the cold blackness of space, the only source of warmth. Nothing of what he thought came to the surface otherwise. She couldn’t read him, and felt unnerved by his ability to read her.

Or perhaps she was being far too obvious, and he only perceived the surface.

“Like predators,” he murmured, “climbing on the walls and ceilings, watching you, with black teeth and claws. You can’t them, but they see you. Waiting for you to turn your back. Waiting to devour you.”

Aislinn blinked, unable to think of a response.

“I know how you feel.”

Ice water ran down her spine. “Don’t wanna talk about it. I don’t. Tell me something else. Anythin’ else.”

Morgan seemed to understand, though his eyes were thick with curiosity and something else she couldn’t quite make out, before he settled back into the couch once more. “Did I ever talk much about Alex?” he said. “I’m younger than him, you see, by five and a half years. We’ve always been close, and when Mom and Dad were running off to do whatever it was they did all over the world, representing TranStar, we still had each other. I’m old enough to take care of myself, and he still acts protective, like I’m just a kid. He’s been so worried about me lately.”

Remembering what he’d told her in the cafeteria all that time ago, she smiled a little. “He’s a good brother, then.”

“The best I could hope for.” Pause, then he lifted his head and looked at her. “Have any family?”

“Yeah, a sister and my Mum. Dad died a long while back.”

He hesitated, then said, “Anyone else?”

Just as before, the meaning was clear, but now, the words felt different. The only way she could think of to describe it was “warmer”, and she didn’t know how to interpret it. But she knew how she wanted to. “No one waitin’ back home besides my parents,” she said. “Been living with them to help pay bills and all. Not exactly high class, y’see, not like you.”

“Don’t think of me like that. I’m just Morgan.”

“Easier said.” She slid off the sofa and stretched her spine. “Should get goin’.”

“Aislinn...” Shifting position, he looked at her. “...I appreciate familiar faces. Alex, Jason, you, the neuromod techs... they're all familiar to me when I ‘wake up’. I know I’ve seen all of you before, even if I don’t remember it. You might be at the bottom rung of the ladder, but you’re more important than you know.”

“Only to you,” she said, feeling her ears burn. Did she seriously say that?

“Well... yes. We’re running trials and tests that will reshape the future of mankind, and I’m the guinea pig. I signed up for it, knowing the risks, knowing about the memory loss. We’re building a future so incredible that the people who come after us will never know the problems we have, but it’s daunting. To have familiarity is... comforting. I... I wish I could tell you what we’ve been working on. It’s exciting. It’s the future.”

“Happened to be in the right place at the right time,” she said, trying to ignore the heat creeping over her ears and cheeks. “It could’ve easily been someone else.”

“True, yes, but why would you want to devalue what you are to me right now?”

Those words hung between them for only a few seconds, but it seemed longer. She knew what he meant, but what she wanted to hear was hardly something she felt like admitting. She was just a friend to him, no matter how she felt about him, and in the end, the gap between them was simply insurmountable. As long as she didn’t ever act on the feelings that curled and knotted inside her, they could stay secret.

But he was making it increasingly difficult, and he probably didn’t mean to, but in the low light, with only his gentle voice reaching out to her, she couldn’t ignore how it made her feel.

“Morgan, when you were... out...” A hand ran across her hair, pushing the bangs away from her face. “I was worried.”

The silence hung between them a while. “A lot of people were, especially my brother.”

“Sure. You’re the vice president of TranStar.”

Pause. “Yes. I am. But you make it sound like that’s the only reason anyone should care if I live or die. You don’t think anyone cares on a personal level?” Another, longer pause. “Do you care?”

She frowned. “I... of course. You’re a colleague.”

“Aislinn, don’t be like that.”

“Well, I can’t go callin’ you ‘friend’, now.” The words came out sharper than intended.

“Why not?” He rose from the sofa and moved closer. “Because we happen to be from two different social classes? Come on, Aislinn, those kinds of things don’t matter anymore. Or what, is it because I’m the vice president, and you happen to be part of the maintenance crew? That shouldn’t interfere with a friendship, not ever.”

“May– maybe.” Beginning to relent, she met his eyes when he stepped a little closer. They were the color of dark chocolate, silly as the description was. So deep. So beautiful. So intelligent. “I guess not.”

“Things on Talos are pretty horizontal,” he said. “No one will care if I make friends outside the execs. Not even Alex.”

At her sides, her hands flexed, then went to her hips. “Alright, Morgan, you win.”

“Win.” He smiled faintly. “I asked you to call me that, didn’t I?”

“What, ‘Morgan’? Yeah.”

Again fell silence, though not so uncomfortable this time. She moved enough to pluck the bag of jerky off the sofa, where she’d left it when she sat down, but went back to a folded-arms, back-straight pose and not looking at him. If she left now, she wouldn’t think about him, wouldn’t close her eyes and see him smiling back at her, wouldn’t feel a little self-satisfied at the realization that the women who fantasized would never be in the position she was now.

“You’re not supposed to be rememberin’ things,” she said, almost in a whisper. “Neurmods’re supposed to take out all the memories. Keepin’ things isn’t in the contract when you get ‘em installed.”

“I know, but they’re not... memories. They’re more like... echoes.”

“But you’re not supposed to have ‘em.”

“I’m the first person to do long-term testing of neuromods, the first to deal with frequent uninstalls and reinstalls, and the first to be cognizant of everything that’s happening. Yes, side effects can be weird, but if you saw what we were doing, you’d understand why it’s so important.” He folded his arms. “But I know what’s supposed to be what.”

She still didn’t look at him. “Okay.”

Again, silence, then, “Come find me in the cafeteria in the morning. We can talk more then.”

Just a friend. “But you can’t tell me much, Morgan. What good’s it do?”

“Do you ever think that, maybe, I just want company?”

She hesitated. “That... depends.”

“Depends on what?”

Not sure how to explain herself without sounding foolish, she finally looked at him. “Never mind.”

“Aislinn–”

“I said ‘never mind’.”

Looking taken aback, he blinked, once, twice, before hmming and turning his back. “Are you working tomorrow?”

“No, no shifts tomorrow. Got a whole weekend scheduled off for once.”

“Must be nice.”

She stared a moment. “You’re stayin’ up, then?”

“For a little while.”

“Morgan, c’mon, you need sleep. Bad dreams won’t be back.”

Instead of responding, he switched off the light again and sat down. It took a bit for her eyes to readjust enough to see his dim outline, and he wasn’t looking at her. When she still got no response, she turned and left the area, trying to set each step down gently enough not to disturb the peaceful silence.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

Aislinn hesitated, looking over her shoulder at his outline, but from this distance – nearer the poker table and one of the big safety lights – it was too far to make out any real details. She didn’t like the weight behind those words. If he remembered her, and other people, even if vaguely, what else did he remember?

By the time she returned to her pod, she felt groggy enough to rest, so she rolled down the shutter and went back to sleep.

For a few minutes, anyway, before a sound roused her again.

Her eyes flicked open to a habitation pod zone full of thick shadows, tinged faintly purple. They wavered at the edges as though ruffled by a breeze she couldn’t feel as she swung her legs over and listened. Dead silence greeted her, except for a faint hissing sound at the edge of her hearing. In the other pods, she spied faint outlines of people, all of them asleep. Most other items in the area – the lockers and pool table, mostly – were smaller than usual, and there were fewer lockers.

Or were there? Maybe there had only ever been those many, and she just hadn’t noticed.

She slid out of the pod and landed gently, despite being up in the second row, without having to climb down like usual, a nice change from the usual rattling of joints that accompanied an exit.

Her footsteps were soft, legs slow, as though moving them through water instead of air. Her limbs felt heavy, and she saw everywhere at once, things she had never seen, the ceiling and shapes and faces. The hissing sound, ever present, changed slightly, dipping and rising and swerving, as though trying to form words. The shadows moved, still present wherever she looked, all of them still gazing at her as though she were prey.

The door was quite far from the pods to Crew Quarters, but in moments, despite her slow steps, she was in front of it and stepping over the threshold. The hall was shorter than usual, maybe half the normal length, and the lobby beyond well-lit, the purplish tinge now wavering at the edges of the shadows, but everything else seemed normal.

The hissing grew louder. They want to live inside us like a disease.

She looked all around, searching for the source of the raspy voice, but still heard nothing, so she continued on, toward the cafeteria. The journey was oddly short, yet her legs still moved as though weighed down by lead, every step laborious, her breath coming in deep, slow inhales. She smelled nothing at all, which seemed odd, as the Talos air always carried some scent of another part of the station with it.

The cafeteria looked normal, well-lit, the windows showing the normal panorama of the stars. Aislinn hesitated, then moved closer, ascending the stairs to the second floor, step by slow, arduous step, and stood in front of one of the enormous windows. It seemed odd, no Sun, only the night side of the Moon visible, and no Earth at all, but she thought nothing of it, trying to ignoring the hissing as she gazed into the cold blackness.

Maybe it was morning, and that’s why the lights were on. She hadn’t checked the time.

Her eyes moved from the stars to examine the void. She didn’t normally spend time looking between the stars. It was too deep, too cold, too far, too strange. Right now, though, she found it impossible to look away, compelled to stare. Far beyond her sight, beyond their most powerful instruments, lay an entire galaxy, a universe, of wondrous possibilities, unspeak

The darkness looked back at her in ponderous silence.

Aislinn leaned closer to the glass and pressed a hand to it. Her hand lacked a glove, and the glass felt very cold against her skin – strange, because it never did, but she ignored it for now. The darkness tugged at her, beckoning her to look deeper, and she felt it stare at her, into her eyes, into her mind and her soul.

The distinct feeling of something being there, that she couldn’t see, watching without being watched, left her cold.

Something is there. Something is absolutely there, looking at her.

Aislinn, suddenly afraid, felt a strong urge to look away, but had frozen in place, mind urging her body to move, but it did not obey, joints locked, the darkness pouring into her until she trembled head to toe. The hissing grew louder, words wandering in and out of her mind, and the longer she looked, the more the terror grew, but when she opened her mouth, no sound came, jaw moving in an unnatural fashion.

I looked into the darkness, and the darkness looked back at me.

There’s something swimming in the black.

I see you.

Her body cracked to pieces when she finally turned. A humanoid shape approached, its outline like smoke, its limbs facsimiles made of shadow. From the top of the stairs, it came toward her, formless but for the dim outline, until two white lights appeared where the head should be, spaced apart like eyes, but they were not eyes, they couldn’t be, because eyes didn’t look like that. Tendrils of smoke and shadow stretched out.

A third white light appeared below the other two, but it just grew, ever larger, too large for the head, but the head expanded into an enormous shadow that closed off all the artificial light from that direction. The maw glowed, but emitted no light, casting nothing despite its ever-increasing size.

Then it distorted, twisting, the glow breaking up into streaks of white interspersed with darkness.

Her chest hurt and her limbs shook as it came closer, the light gaping at her as the shadows reached for her. She tried to run, scream, anything, but her body would not obey her.

–immortality immortality humanity better stronger faster smarter immortal immortality immortality immortality immortality stronger better smarter IMMORTALITY–

Faint color rushed back into the world, and she cried out, tangled in something that snagged her arms and legs like a cocoon. It kept her prisoner in a box of metal, shadows still trying to wrap around her, but they began to fade. Her pulse hammered in her chest, breath coming in short, panicked gasps. Something clanged when she kicked out, the cocoon wrapped so tight around her that she panicked more, thrashing about, the mysterious paralysis finally gone.

“Aislinn! Aislinn! Hey! Aislinn!”

And after those few seconds of pure panic, she snapped into full wakefulness, the hissing shutting off like a thrown switch and the shadows gone. The blankets of her pod had become tangled around her legs, but a quick tug loosened them as the shutter for her pod suddenly rolled up, exposing a concerned female face framed in dark blonde hair, large eyes sparkling in the safety lighting as they studied her.

Aislinn felt her ears burn, but quickly dismissed her embarrassment. She hadn’t actively invited an episode of disturbed sleep, and certainly had wished no nightmares upon herself. “I’m okay now.”

“That was a pretty weird scream, you know.” It was Annalise Gallegos, someone she’d met in passing more than once, but knew little about. She didn’t even know the other woman’s position, only that she shared the habitation pod zone with her, and had barely spoken to her otherwise. “You okay, then?”

Aislinn glanced around to see several other curious faces and a few annoyed ones. “Yeah, just nightmares.”

Annalise frowned. “Nightmares, huh? This happen often?”

“No, first time I had one on Talos.”

The woman was silent for a long time. The faces went back to their pillows, shutters closing. “Well, okay. If you have more, go talk to Kohl, okay? He specializes in that sort of thing.”

“Thanks. Think I’m fine now.”

Annalise climbed down and walked away to her pod, while Aislinn laid down and tried to sleep, but the fear of going back to the nightmare realm of violet shadows and smoky demons kept her awake until the day began in earnest.

[bxmbidoll]

1-91

NSFW Asks

1:When did you lose your virginity? I was 18.

2: Rough sex or soft sex? Depends on my mood but normally rough

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? Not really. I like pain. I have a daddy kink

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? Hmmm I had sex on a boulder before

5: Favourite sex position? Cowgirl

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? Submissive for sure

7: Have you ever had any one night stands? Yes a lot

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? Bed, but anywhere is fun

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? Yes

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? No

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like? Black and lacy, barely covering anything

12: How often do you have sex? A few times a week. May5-6 times?

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? Sehun

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? Both

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? I got a leg cramp

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? Die For You by The Weeknd

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? Get You by Daniel Caesar

18: Are you into dressing up for sex? Hell yeah

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? hmmm both

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it  be? Sehun

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? Yes

22: Do you/would you use sex toys? Yes

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? Yes

24: Would you have sex with your best friend? Yes, I do all the time.

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink) Cuddle, go eat

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? Sehun

27: Early morning sex or late night sex? All the time sex

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? Shoulders/back/arms

29: Favourite body part on the same sex? Hips and legs

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: Nothing honestly

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: Well.. I had sex with a werewolf.. i dont know if that counts..

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] Yes, tasted okay to be honest

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: Yes B)

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: Chocolate

35: Worst possible time to get horny: At work ahahah

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? Oh yes its like music

37: How much fapping is too much fapping: Like.. everyday

38: Best sexual complement you ever got: That I was the best they have ever had

39: Favorite foreplay activities: Eating out/fingering

40: What do you wear to bed? Sehun’s shirts

41: When was the first time you masturbated: Maybe.. 14/15?

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? No

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? Hmmm cant remember.. maybe two months ago

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? Yes

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? Had one, wouldnt now.

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? Hairbrush

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? Yes, lesbian porn turns me on

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) Yes, because its good lol

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? I LOVE TATTOOS

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? I dont mind

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? Hmm maybe fondue?

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? Pornstar

53: Do you watch porn? Rarely

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? Yes. Daddy. Kink.

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? Yes

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? not really no

57: If you could give yourself head, would you? No

58: Booty or Boobs? Boobs

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) Dont wanna talk about it.

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do? Measure my dick, jack off, hit on girls, have sex with a girl, walk around shirtless

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate? Yes

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate? No

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? No

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) Clit

65. What is your bra/penis size? 34B

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? Hmm nothing strange..  penis is kinda strange

67. When was the last time you masturbated? I dont even know

68. When was the last time you had sex? Last night

69. When was the last time you watched porn? Months ago..

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? I small little vibrator its so cute

71. Guys:Circumsized? n/a

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? Boobs

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? I love when he just.. cups all of my pussy. 

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? yes

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? Yes

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? A few nights back

77. Which wet dream was your favorite? The one where Sehun was eating me out so good it was like he was biting into a juicy mango and fuck.. my juices were running down his lips and chin--

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? Oh Sehun

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? Jay Park aksdhaksh

80. Favorite sexual position? ...Cowgirl lol

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Yes sometimes

82. Are you into any BDSM? Yes

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? Not really 

84. Do you like dirty talk? Yes but im shy

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? Loud in bed, quiet in masturbation

86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? Not yer

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? Lesbian porn lol

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? Nah

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? NAH he is always around and I love it

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? Yes, and sometimes its infrequent

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? Yes, and not really no

[sassyshoulderangel319]

Get to Know Me

I was tagged by the amazing @its-fondue-not-fon-dont

Rules: Answer the 20 questions and tag 20 followers you would like to get to know better.

Name: Cass

Nicknames: Cassie, sista,

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Height: 156.21cm / 5'1"

Orientation: Straight *shrugs*

Ethnicity: White

Favorite Fruit: Probably pineapple. Or banana. Or Apple. Other than that I don’t like fruit.

Favorite season: SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER!

Favorite flower: Rose (cheesy and cliché but I actually don’t know many other kinds of flowers)

Favorite Scent: French Lavender and Honey from Bath and Body Works (my perfume)

Favorite color(s): All blues are beautiful. Also black. And silver.

Favorite animal: ELEPHANT

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: HOT CHOCOLATE

Average sleep hours: 7?

Cat or Dog person: Nope

Favorite fictional character: Would you like an alphabetical list or a chronological one? (Merlin? Belle? I CANT PICK!)

Number of blankets you sleep with: Three usually

Ideal Trip: Going to London this summer. That’s my ideal trip.

Blog Created: Like mid-2014

Tagging: @moonlight-lyrics @saviorsong @welovegroot @fallling-in-winter @erockstar9 @steverogersnotebook @realisticstratosphere

[the-marvelous-ms-marvel-blog]

The Past Has Passed

Summary: You've lived with Bucky for two years. It's just the daily morning routine before the reader finds themself in the bathtub remembering their war tinted past.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word count: 1, 289

The morning sunlight cast glowing golden rays through the white curtains and onto his sleeping face. You couldn't believe you were so blessed to have someone who loved you just the way you were. You couldn't believe that this person right in front of you loved every part of you inside and out, and you were so lucky to love them back. You traced his face with your graceful fingertips painting a watercolor of blending skin tones and shades of gold in your head. That would be today's task for you. You would spend all day with this amazing person and you would show them how much you love them. Plus you had your loved one as a model for your art project. Not to mention this man was handsome. Like a hollywood actor kind of handsome. You couldn't believe average looking you would ever stand a chance with this guy but fate had to prove you wrong again.Today was gonna be a great day.

Just as you were about to press a kiss to his forehead his stunning blue eyes the shade of all the oceans gazed admiringly back at you.

"Good morning beautiful. " he greeted in his graspy morning voice.

"Hey handsome. " you replied.

You pecked his lips and made a move to get out of bed before he reached out his startlingly cold metal hand and pulled you back under the warm covers by your waist.

"Honey, I've gotta get up." you tried to explain.

"But I'll get cold." He muffled into your neck.

This man was a dork, the dork of your life. You usually compared him to a puppy, always needy for your attention, but damn was he cute as hell.

"What do you even need to wake up for? You don't go to work." He countered.

"I've gotta cook breakfast and shower then get all my art stuff set up." You reply.

But all you got was a tighter grasp, a few seconds of a chocolate fondue warmth before he let go and turned his back to you. Leaving you cold and bare with only a tank top, shorts and no blanket. Man could he be a baby sometimes.

Your fluffy purple sock clad feet hit the cold hard wooden floor of your studio as you stood up off of the bed. You pulled a floral robe off one of your many modern wood chairs and slipped it on while you headed towards the kitchen. Then plucked a green pencil out of one of the the three cups on your desk filled with an array of writing utensils and painting tools then twirled your hair into a messy bun.

You entered the kitchen with a spin before you gathered your ingredients for the crepes you planned on cooking. It wasn't long before the familiar smell of your french heritage and sugar filled the air. Soon later, you had finished cooking a reasonable amount of authentic french crepes which you served on a handmade ceramic plate you had decorated to imitate the fiery sunset you watched disappear beyond the horizon on the evening of your honeymoon. You dusted the crepes with powdered sugar and layered it with a different tangy lemon sugar then left the crepes on the granite counter and skipped off to the bathroom to shower. After being married to this man for two years, you knew he would get up sooner or later and consume those crepes in a matter of seconds before self consciously leaving one on the plate for you out of pure guilt.

You turned the faucet on before taking the pencil out of your hair, undoing your robe and peeling off the little clothes you had on. You were about to turn the shower on when you changed your mind and decided to take a relaxing bubble bath. You opened the cabinet and pulled out a pastel pink bath bomb out of a bubble bath set that Bucky had gotten you for your last birthday. You set it into the water and watched it slowly turn the bath water light pink. Once the fizzing sound had quieted you dimmed the lights and slipped into the warm water sighing in contentment as your entire body was encased in a well earned warmth. You had not realized how tight your muscles were until you began to relax and started to feel a soreness settle into your body. The past week was pretty busy for you and Bucky. Your husband's old war friend, Steve, had his birthday celebrated courtesy of Tony Stark who threw a giant party to celebrate the soldier's special day, then you were called in to do several portraits for a couple's wedding. The following day a film production asked if you would be willing to paint a movie poster for them and being the nice person you are took the request and in consequence, exhausted yourself. You let your head rest against the back of the white vintage bathtub and your eyelids fell closed then you focused on your breathing.

In for four,

Hold for four,

Out for four,

Hold for four,

Repeat.

The squared breathing routine had been the mantra that tumbled from your lips every nightmare you awoke from and every panic attack that wracked your body.

You were not always an artist that read poetry at every open mic in every coffee shop in town, nor the artist that sold paintings to galleries and buildings for a living. You used to be part of the military, you fought in wars overseas but one mission went wrong and you along with several others were taken hostage by the enemies who turned out to have been in partnership with Hydra. God knows why they wanted you but they did, and they did not hesitate to torture you, to push you past your breaking point both mentally and physically. After several months of Hydra's abusive treatment, the Avengers had managed to rescue you along with several other soldiers from your troop. After that incident you had to go through extensive physciatric treatments to help you with mental toll that those events took on you. You developed PTSD and a severe case of depression, luckily you seeked help at the right time otherwise your mental health would have done collateral damage to you and your family and friends.

You had never once considered returning to that sort of lifestyle. You were permanently scarred by the horrors you had experienced.

"Sweetie, you okay?" A familiar voice shakes you from your recollective state.

"I'm fine." You answer as he enters the bathroom.

"Mind if I join you?" He asks with a cheeky smile.

"Not at all dear." You respond.

He removes his sweatpants and boxers before slipping into the not-so-warm water.

"Sweetheart, it's not even warm anymore. " he states as you start to drift back into your thoughts.

"Change the water then." You mumble as your eyes glaze over.

"Hey, what's goin' on darlin'?" He questions with furrowed eyebrows and a thick Brooklyn accent.

He pulls you into his lap and hugs you tight with one hand. Eloquently pulling the plug on the bathtub and turning the faucet on hot.

"I'm just remembering the military years." You say with a sob.

"Hey, hey Babe. It's alright, I'm here." Bucky assures you. "I've got you. Everything's gonna be okay. You're safe. Just let it out."

So you cried in the tub and Bucky cried with you because you two needed it. You were just two broken soldiers trying to recover from being touched by the evils in the world. You were two lucky souls united by the heavens, but you were also two lost souls with very dark pasts.

Bucky gathered your sobbing form, wrapped both of you into an oversized fluffy towel and brought you to the couch and just held you. The mere presence of him calmed you and you began to breathe normally.

"You okay doll?" He inquires.

"I am now." You say. "Thanks Buck." and you press your lips lovingly against his.

"Always." He replies and wipes the tears off your cheeks.

You two got dressed and headed to a local art gallery who had one of your art pieces on showcase. On your way there you visited your favourite coffee shop to get a cup of tea.

When you got to the gallery you were surprised to see a familiar duet there.

"You invited Steve and Sharon? " You asked not trying to mask your surprise.

"I thought it would be good to have some friends tag along." He hesitated.

"No it's fine, I'm just surprised is all." You said trying not to get overly emotional.

Bucky halted a few feet from the other couple and turned to you.

"If you want them to leave I can tell them to go back." He offers.

"No, no. It's not that." You start. "I just haven't felt so loved and safe in such a long time."

You don't know what's come over you but suddenly the feelings the past have caught up with you. You don't get these days very often but today was one of them and you knew you were lucky to have Bucky by your side all twenty four hours.

"Hey Steve!" Bucky greeted.

The two men began conversing and you and Sharon brokeinto hysterics over the childish ways of the two grown men.

The four of you entered the building and was greeted by the cool air conditioning.

"Hey (Y/N)." The curator greeted." Back with some friends I see."

The kind asian woman was the first person to confront you on your art.

You remembered, you were by the water sitting on the park bench facing your easel, painting a watercolour of the horizon, and blending the shades of water and green hues of trees. A lady dressed in a vibrant floral poodle skirt and embellished victorian sun hat came strutting up to you with kind eyes and a wise face and asked you if you were selling your artwork. You had not originally planned on doing so simply because you believed your artwork was not a piece worthy of being hung on a wall. Yet the woman was insistent she buy the painting when you offered the watercolor for free. She ended up buying it and handing you a calling card for an art gallery which became home for many masterpieces you had created over the years.

Originally you had begun drawing as an outlet to release thoughts and feelings you could not express through words. A year or so after the Hydra incident, you had been walking home from your physciatrist appointment when you spotted Steve Rogers sitting on the outdoor patio of a coffee shop across the street. You greeted him and thanked him for rescuing you and your fellow troop members. You told him to thank the other Avengers as well when he interrupted you mid sentence.

"I notice you go to the physciatrist a lot lately." He commented.

You had shut your mouth immediately. To say the least you were ashamed of the fact you had to go ask for help just to deal with feelings, all because you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"I come to this coffee shops often as i can because the view is great." He began, still sketching and speaking as though to himself. "I just wanted to tell you that you should try art to express yourself. "

When he spoke the last sentence he actually looked up. That day you bought an acrylic paint set, brushes and some canvas and have been painting ever since then.

[perksofbeingamaineiac]

February 15, 2019

Wednesday February 13: Went to go hang out with G after work. We cuddled and talked. He ranted about work. Then eventually he got horny, so we tried the whole me sucking him until he came. It took a weird turn and I ended up just using my hands and he got to this weird place where he said it felt really good, so good that if he got off it was going to be too intense. Therefore I had to stop. He was really surprised though. He also beat my butt a little and he started punching, which I have mentioned before I don’t know how I feel about, but this time it hurt so good and the next day it hurt so good it was crazy. We both learned something about each other.  He made me take this test that shows how I give and receive love, what I prefer. He said it wasn’t him telling me he loved me, but its good to know. He also made a comment about up being poly, because someone on the TV was talking about it and I just ignored it. I am such a monogamous person, it drives me a little crazy.  I am trying to avoid the place that I got to in my head on Sunday. Overwhelmed and crazy. Almost depressed like. Very anxious. I felt a lot better after seeing him and talking to him. We have talked the past two days too, so I got over the subspace part that he usually isn’t around for. He also told me to please text him when I got home. I like when he shows he cares.  I asked him if he wanted me to order the collar and he said yes. He said he liked the red one, and I suggested plain black. He told me it up to me because I am probably going to use it with other people eventually, but the probably part caught my attention. Maybe I am looking for some kind of hope he will change his mind. Even though he has made it clear he doesn’t want me like that. 

Thursday February 14: First Valentine’s Day single in 6 years. I worked and then went to Christina’s to have dinner and fondue. It was really nice and it made me happy.  I woke up to flowers and chocolate from my parents on my dresser and that made me happy.  I also went to Shoppers and Metro and got my Nonna roses and my Nonno Chocolate.  I already had a paint book from the dollar store for Lily. It made them all really happy, which made me happy. 

Friday February 15: Went out for Galentine’s. Girls night. Went for dinner and a movie and it was really nice. I went into work and there were good vibes. I had a really good day. Until I got home and got into an argument with my brother, then I broke a glass. Now I am in the bath. G is going to Quebec this weekend. Probably wont hear much from him, if anything at all. We should be able to hang out next weekend, so I am excited for that. I am really hoping for a sleepover. Hopefully I will have the collar by then. I also got some lingerie in the mail, and I can’t wait to wear it for him. I wasn’t sure about one of the body suits and I wanted to ask for his opinion, but I think I will try and rock it and see how confident I feel in it, maybe I will bring it and ask in person. We will see. I have 30 days to return. I like the one body suit and the two panties I got. I think they will be fun and a good surprise.  Plan on keeping busy this weekend somehow. We will see. 

[breezeshopping-blog]

Best Gifts for Girlfriends

The holidays are approaching as you are beginning to shop for household, co-workers, teachers, and anyone else on your list, looking for the ideal gift for your ideal friends ought to be the least of the worries. As a result, this compilation takes into consideration practically every type of friend. Assessing your gal pals without breaking the bank can be an overwhelming task! While I may not be a new mother, I find parts of myself in such other types of women and I understand these are fantastic gifts. What is more, your friends, regardless of which category they fall into, will appreciate that you have taken their personality into account. Sure, everyone appreciates a gift, and we all know it is the thought that counts, but if you've set that extra thought in, your present will be appreciated that even more. Know the type of friend you're searching for? Continue reading to learn more. Humanitarian: UNICEF is presently featuring their Fall/Winter catalogue. I discovered a elegant, Asian-inspired pair of four pillar candles for just $12. If you prefer to shop in stores, it is possible to search UNICEF's Internet site for local partners, such as Hallmark and Pier 1. Some of all sales help fund education, sanitation, immunization and more, benefiting children globally. Eclectic: The diverse dresser always seems to have this one special accessory which sets her apart from the masses. This silver and turquoise disc belt features triple strands and an adjustable hook and chain closure. Eliminate the guesswork - one size fits all! This great belt can be obtained on the internet or through the Newport News catalog. The original cost was $39; however, it's presently on sale for $29. Is your girl friend a (n)...? Xenophile: For the avid traveller, what better city than Paris? So, you can not afford to buy your buddy a ticket abroad, well Pier 1 has got the next best thing. These stores are selling 2019 Paris calendars ($15). Pair this with a Paris Train CD ($6) and you've provided a temporary passport into the"city of light." Fashion Fiend: Most of us can not afford to buy authentic Coach bags as presents. On the other hand, the favorite online merchant, Capital Styles, features replica Coach wristlets for $29 (colors include: tan and brown ). I have purchased several purses from using this site and may testify to the authentic look and detail of the bits. Stylish women will love this gift. Whether grocery shopping or nightclub hopping, this wristlet will get its wear! The countdown has begun! The vacation sales have begun and the malls are getting busier. You've got enough to worry about this time of year- buddies should be the very last thing on that list of worries! Since many of these retailers are now online, shopping has never been easier. Who says you have to fight for a parking place at the local mall? Follow this guide to get a carefree shopping experience. As you're looking for your friends, make sure you select some opportunity to deal with yourself. After all, it is the season of giving (and that includes you, too)! Entertainer: What about that hostess with the mostest? Target is presently featuring Rival's three-quart stainless steel fondue set. With two fondue forks, this set is great for entertaining. It's currently available online and at retail stores nationwide for a sensible price of $29.99. New Mother: Have you recently become an unofficial aunt? For that new mom in your own life, there is nothing better than Bath ampBody Works' aromatherapy"Chill Out" bathroom gift set. The combination of eucalyptus and spearmint essential oils ensures a relaxing experience. The set includes scented body lotion, fragraced foam tub, a set of four tea lights, plus a relaxing CD for just $34.50. If your regional store doesn't have it in stock, don't fear, the set is also available at the recently launched Web website. While you're there, treat yourself by registering to receive exceptional bonuses and coupons. Outdoor Enthusiast: As a kayak and"fisherwoman," I also know how cold it can get in certain areas, particularly this time of year. There is nothing cozier than a warm, quilted vest. It provides warmth where you actually need it, and if you start to get too hot, the zippered front makes it easy to eliminate. In Old Navy, not only is the price right, but there are a variety of colors available, such as black, red, dark chocolate and oxygen (white). The women's frost-free quilted vests are available in stores and on the internet for an affordable $39.50. Cook: To the cook in your life, who greater than Rachael Ray? Not only are her recipes"yummo," they're fast and easy, too. What more could a cook ask for? Rachael Ray: 2,4,6,8 is available at bookstores nationwide for $19.95. DIYer (Do It Yourselfer): We have all got that friend who is handier than a lot of men we know. She probably already has all the tools she wants, so what better gift than something to ignite her creativity? Better Homes and Gardens is now publishing Do It Yourself Ideas for Your Home and Garden. A one-year subscription to this magazine is a mere $18! Girly-Girl: When I had been in college, we called them"frou-frou" women. These are girls that have always become hair, makeup, shopping, etc.. This type of friend will love being pampered. Pay a visit to a local nail salon and purchase a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure. This will run roughly $35. Hey, who knows, you may even be asked to tag along for company- always a good excuse to be pampered!

[sagestoneandsea]

Mountains to Climb 11/13/17

Listen up y’all cuz this is it, the weekend that I had was de-li-cious. (If you get that reference, bless you) 

This last weekend I went on a mountain getaway with ‘C’. At the beginning of the month I just put it out there that I had the weekend off and though a mountain trip would be dope. I was just testing the waters with that statment, thought ‘C’ would say ‘Yeah that’d be cool but not going to happen’ because what man would want to spend the weekend with me ALONE. I didn’t think it was going to happen. Hopeful but not holding my breath. When I told ‘C’ he said something along the lines of “yeah that would be really cool!” And that was kind of it. Fine by me! I didn’t think it was going to happen anyway. Fast forward a few days, he brings it up, and at this point, it was long out of my mind, ya know, ‘Nice thought but better luck next time’ sort of deal. BUT NAH Y’ALL the dude was actually wanting to go to the mountains for the weekend with ME! Next thing I know he already has a hotel booked (!!!!) and had already scoped out cool eating places. (WHAT?!?) 

Fast forward a week, we are on the road driving to Canmore ( My favourite place in the WORLD). Side note: I should point out I am a nervous driver( along with many other things). ‘C’ is driving in the dark and really bad fog as well. DING DING DING internal freak out commence. I was very nervous but was also playing it cool because I didn’t want to make him worried. Spoiler, we survived. 

We got to the hotel, had sex, grab some food, then head back to snooze it up. Something you should know about me. I am not good at sleeping in places that I do not know, I also have a weird thing where I won’t fall asleep unless I know someone is still up ( In case there is a murderer, I won’t get killed, because someone is still up and thus I am safe from monsters and murderers, DUH) and ‘C’ can fall asleep any where, any time. This drives me CRAZY because what about the monsters and murderers. They will leave him because he essentially looks dead and can sleep through anything, and JUST KILL ME.  I have a  solution that is so perfect and unflawed: I listen to audiobooks: ‘someone’ is still awake (because I hear the audiobook being read out-loud) so if murderers or monsters wanted to get me, they wouldn’t because of said audiobook listening.* Remember this weird thing for later*

Amazingly I was able to sleep threw the night, and, was not murdered. Total bonus. I wake up, annoy ‘C’ with my peppy morning mountain excitement, (little did he know my obsession for the mountains is INSAIN) and begin to try and get this boy up and out of bed. That didn’t work as well as I wanted it to. I ‘somehow’ ended up back in bed, naked, and, well, we stayed in bed for another few hours. When we finally got up, we ‘of course’ had to shower (I didn’t have to, I just like looking at ‘C’s’ cute lil’ bum). When we finally got ready we went on a beautiful walk that was right outside our hotel.  We then went to a odd little restaurant with books and bells. YOU GUYS I am not weird about eating in front of him. DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG THAT IS FOR ME?! 

After eating we went into Banff and rode the gondola and wondered around sulphur mountain. HOLLY COW the view was beautiful. After that we went for a lovely dinner at a place we just stumbled upon. The food was great, drinks, v good, but the company was the best part. We laughed all night. We drove back to our hotel watched a part of a movie, and fell asleep. Well ‘C’ did. My mind was racing. Im not sure if it was because we were in a different bed, that I had had a few drinks or if it was the beautiful day we had but I could not turn my mind off for one second. It was going a thousand miles a min thinking of all the ways this thing, this relationship could go wrong. I didn’t want to let it fester, so I woke ‘C’ up and told him what I was thinking and how I was feeling. I was feeling very uncomfortable and venerable telling him this stuff, only to find out he was sleeping: the snoring had started back up. I was feeling deflated, so I decided to put on my audiobook to try and drown out my thoughts. DIDN’T WORK. I decided to do the only other logical thing I could think of. Pull ‘C’ in to cuddle with me. I started to drift when ‘C’ freaked out, half asleep, got out of bed, then got back in, cocooned himself, and faced the other way. Well fuck, now my mind is racing even more than before. I eventually sulked myself to sleep. 

The next morning (Sunday) I was feeling a little bit of doubt in this thing. like ‘It’s not going to last long, maybe you should brake it off’ ‘There’s no way he loves you back, he’s just using you’ ‘Why would he want to spend a weekend with you, he probably has other motives’. To say the least, this kind of self talk and thoughts do not make one feel the best. But ‘C’ was still sleeping and I didn’t want to tell him what I was thinking, because if I tell him, then its true right? That is all he needs to say ‘Oh yeah thanks for the reminder, you are totally right! I’m super not into this, lol BYEE’. So I pushed it to the back of my brain, woke up sleeping beauty, had a shower, had REALLY good sex, briefly talked about what I was feeling (But using me instead of him because I can control what I do, ya know?) and went about our day. 

This day (in the beginning) was probably one of the weirdest for me. I was always thinking about what had kept me up the previous night, and we decided to go to the hot springs. Now I had not been in a bathing suit in a LONG time. What, ya girl was fat, it was socially unacceptable ( I thought) to be in public in a bathing suit. ‘C’ really wanted to go and I didn’t want to say no.  To make maters worse it was extremely busy. I walked into the change room with my 12 year old self tagging along too. I was feeling shy, self conscious about being in a bathing suit, I didn’t want ‘C’ to see me in a bathing suit ( Crazy because he has seen me NAKED, doesn’t make sense at all WEIRDO BRAIN), and I didn’t want to be surrounded by strangers.  I made my way to the showers and gave myself a little pep talk. ‘YOU CAN TO IT HOT STUFF!”  I worked up the courage and walked out into the hot springs. Oh gosh. There were so many people there that I wanted to turn back in and leave right away. 

Thankfully I was out there before ‘C’ so I quickly found a place near the wall and made myself as small as possible. I didn’t want to be scene. ‘C’ came out and came over to me with a big smile. He was so happy to be in the hot springs. He wanted me to go into the middle of the pool with him. Is he CRAZY?! HELL NO. I was sooooooo unbelievably self conscious that I wanted to cry. I wanted to stay on the edge where no one could see me and I could shrink away into a little nothing and float away. AND to top it all off my fucking mascara gives me racoon eyes. Fucking prime. We stay in there a little while longer until ‘C’ says he’s ready to go. I leave the poor boy to gather his things while I book it back to the change room. FEEEUUWW its over. The water was lovely, the company was lovely, but I would have much rather enjoyed a bath together or something like that. 

We go for a funny little dinner and this sweet little place.  We have lobster for dinner, chocolate fondue for dessert, and lots of laughs and sweet moments in between. My shield from the day finally begins to go down. I start to feel more relaxed and open. We end the meal with wondering a few shops where ‘C’ buys me a fucking rock neckless that is beautiful. I tell him he doesn’t have to but he says he wants to, so I let him pick one out for me. This act of kindness really made me fall for this guy. No one has ever done that for me, That made all the worries go away, because you don’t buy someone a piece of jewellery that you plan on breaking up with. I was in love with him for the rest of the night, the ride home, and fell asleep with happy thoughts. 

Maybe I just need to be more open with him about what I am actually feeling. I have noticed that whenever it comes to real emotions, how I’m really feeling, I tend to brush it off and not tell him, because if I tell him, he could realize what he got himself into and dip. 

ANYWHO this was one of the most romantic weekends I have ever been on an I really hope ‘C’ sticks around for a little bit longer until I can unwrap my heart a little bit more so he can see how fully I love. I really hope that will happen. 

SIDE NOTE: I binged today. Why do I do this. Every time I remind myself how much I hate it, its never as good as I think it will be, AND YET i still fucking do it. Ya girls becoming a fat lil piggy and I hate it. Probably plays a big part in why I think ‘C’ will leave. Thanks body dysmorphia for raging its fat head back into my life. On a happy note: I got a cute lil hair cut. 

Cheers form the wined, dined and self defined doubter

Sage,Stone&theSea