#basically sticky notes remind me of this one specific girl

[jellalism]

Kinktober 2024, Day 12: Consequence (Erotica)

You were caught by Noel, and now you have to suffer the consequences of your escape attempt. Sequel to Day 5: Sneak.

Word count: 2441 words

Genre: Erotica, horror

Reader’s gender and sex: gender neutral, but “boy/girl” used. Reader does not wear a bra.

Content warnings: Yandere and all that that entails, including sadism/torture, rape/dubcon, manipulation. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT.

Notes: Noel is an OC of @devotion-disorder. The art in the banner is also by them!

Read below or on AO3.

“Go on. Walk. You know the way to the punishment room.” Noel gives you a push in the back, making you stumble forward, forcing you further up the stairs. “The more you dawdle, the worse it will be. Time’s ticking, honey.” The way he uses that term is nowhere near cute. It is possessive. He uses it specifically to remind you to who you belong. Anyone else who’d call you ‘honey’ would soon eat their words… or become unable to speak any word at all.

You obediently make your way upstairs. Your body already hurts. The blood drips from your nose into your mouth and down your chin. The way he has kicked you in the back and slammed his body into yours once you were on the ground makes you feel sore all over. But you know it’s going to get worse. I’d better obey him, you think. There’s no way out.

“See? You can obey me. If only you had done that earlier, we would not be in this sticky situation. But noooo, you just had to try to break out.” He smacks your ass hard, but your trousers take some of the impact. For now. “Now I have to punish you.”

You reach the top of the stairs and go right without a word. To the punishment room, right next to the bedroom. The activities done in one room may easily lead to the adjoining one.

“Stand there.” He points some distance away from the door. He fishes a key out of his pocket and opens the door. “After you.” He holds the door open for you. For just a second, you hesitate, but you know you have no choice. Any survival instincts kicking in must be repressed. You have to embrace the pain to survive, counter-intuitive though it is.

The room is filled with all kinds of devices to inflict pain. There’s different whips, pads, cuffs, and things you don’t even know the use of. ‘Punishment room’ is a euphemism; ‘torture chamber’ is more apt. In the middle, a wooden table stands.

“On it. On your back. I want to see your face.”

You do as he says. Noel roughly grabs your wrists and clicks them into the cuffs attached to the table. They’re above shoulder height, so they don’t twist your arms too badly. But that’s not the point of the cuffs, anyway. The point is not even to stop you from escaping—Noel is strong and fast enough to do that with his body. The point is simply to make you feel helpless. To be unable to reflexively lift your arms in self-defense, to be unable to have that basic biological function do its work, adds to the utter despair that he can arouse in you. That he will arouse in you.

He takes your ankles and cuffs them to the table, as well. Your legs are a little ways apart.

“Oh, it seems like you still have your clothes on. Totally forgot about that!” Noel says, clearly acting. You can’t see him from your position. “Guess we’ll have to rid you of them unconventionally.” And suddenly, he hangs over you, showing you a knife. It looks sharp as hell. Your breathing grows shallow. You hope he isn’t going to do what you think he will.

He moves to the side of the table and positions the knife at the neck of your shirt. Then he presses down. You feel it pressing into your skin. He takes your shirt and starts cutting. He doesn’t press the knife into your body every time. But every once in a while, you feel the sharp blade moving over your torso, opening it up, no doubt making you bleed.

“Noel, I’m afraid,” you mutter. You didn’t even think about the words; they just came out automatically. Strangely, sometimes you find that you want him to comfort you. He’s always there for you, after all. The only one who’s there. And sometimes, in your despair, you cry out for him.

“You’re afraid? As you should be.” He finishes cutting and tears the remainders of your shirt from your body. You feel the cloth covering your back slide out from under you. Your entire torso is now displayed to him. “Bad [boy/girl]s won’t get any comfort from me. You fucked around. Now it’s time to find out.”

He clenches his fist and smashes it into your stomach. Pain sears through you. You feel the bile rising in your throat, but swallow it down. Then you sputter and cough, and scream.

“See? No pity from me. It’s all your fault, you know? I can be nice. You know I can be nice. I love you, and I want nothing but the best for you. You know this.” He caresses your face with the knife, leaving a shallow cut on your left cheek. “That’s why I’m hurting you. It would be terrible for you and me both if you were to continue misbehaving. So I need to beat it out of you.”

“P-please,” you stammer in fear. You know it won’t do anything, but the words just spill from your mouth.

Noel ignores you. He moves to the back of the table, outside of your field of vision. “Time to get started on your trousers.” He sets the knife at the bottom, making a cut in the cloth near your right ankle. “Fuck it, I don’t have time for this.” You hear the sound of tearing cloth and feel cold air running up all over your leg. He does the same for your left leg: a small cut at the bottom, and rest is just one big tear. For the last part, near your waist, he takes out his knife again. He doesn’t hold back this time. He sets the knife in the cloth forcefully and cuts the last bit of cloth efficiently, without regard for your skin. You whimper and cry as the knife leaves a deep cut. You hear Noel chuckle.

He quickly removes the tatters of your trousers from your body. You’re only wearing your underwear now, though there’s not much left of it. But there’s still enough to conceal your most private parts.

“I’ll leave that on for now.”

You sigh in relief. A last shred of dignity can be retained. It is a tiny shred, but you have to take what you can get.

“Just kidding!” And he tears your underwear apart, exposing your genital area.

“Noel!” you cry out.

“What is it, baby?” He sounds cruel.

“Noel… please… I’m s-sorry. I’m so so sorry. I won’t do it again, I swear!” You’ve completely lost control of your mouth, rattling off apologies without even thinking about it.

He moves so that you can see him again. “No can do. I told you: if you are naughty, you will be punished. It’s not like I want to hurt you, but it’s necessary. You should never ever forget what happens when you break the rules. The consequences of that should be as dependable as gravity.” He says that, but you know better. He fucking loves to hurt you. Part of him is happy you broke the rules, so that he has a good excuse for fucking demolishing you. Knowing that only intensifies the fear.

“I’m sorry,” you sob, but to no avail.

Meanwhile, Noel moves back and rummages around. “Ah, got it!” He steps towards you to show you his find. A whip. But not just any whip: this one has spiky studs. “This will be a night to remember, y/n.”

“Please, for the love of God, Noel, stop!” Tears are streaming down your face; the terror he inspires in you is out of this world. “I beg of you!”

“Hmmm… should I stop?”

“Please, Noel! I’ll do anything for you! Please, just… don’t hurt me.” Something inside of you breaks, and you start sobbing even louder, making you unable to speak another word.

Noel just laughs. Suddenly, you feel a searing pain on your thighs, and you scream at the top of your lungs. As soon as you finish the scream, you gulp for air, but then the whip strikes again. Another scream escapes you; your entire world is pain. Somewhere in the back of your consciousness, you hear Noel complain giddily about how you make too much noise, but it doesn’t register. All you can do is sob and scream.

More lashings follow—you don’t even know how many, nor how long it lasts. Just that, at some point, the burning pain stops renewing itself. Suddenly, Noel’s face is right above yours; too close. “Now that’s what I like to see. You’ve learned your lesson now, right?”

You nod shakily, unable to do anything else. He could be asking you to sell your soul and you’d still nod; all you want is for the pain to end.

“Good, good.” He undoes the cuffs around your wrists and ankles. You feel his arms slide under you and, with a grunt, he lifts you up and walks out of the room. You both know you wouldn’t be able to walk by yourself. Still sobbing, you snuggle against him. God, how you missed him. This softer Noel. The one that would hold you in his arms.

He chuckles. “You’re such a good [boy/girl] now.”

A few moments later, he throws you on the bed. It doesn’t come as a surprise that he carried you to the bedroom. Noel is undressing hurriedly, unable to wait another moment.

“On your stomach. And place a pillow under yourself, so that your ass sticks out.”

You’re not sure if this is part of the punishment, or just ‘business as usual’. Things blend into each other. But at least, when he fucks you, he’s not as cruel as he is in that other room. So, for all intents and purposes, this is not punishment; this is a treat. Even though he’ll fuck on his own terms, as hard as he wants.

You obey him and, within seconds, you feel him take his place behind you. Two lubed up fingers massage the rim of your asshole. “You always make me so horny, you know? I love to see you happy, but God, your crying face just makes me want to fuck you so hard.” He slips in a finger and thrusts it in and out at a high pace. “I just can’t wait to fuck all those sweet moans out of you. It was so hard for me too, you know? To not thrust my cock inside you then and there.” Already, he adds a second finger. “You’re still tight, but I’ve waited so long, I can’t just…” He doesn’t finish his sentence.

You want to speak, but you’re still unable to, your body completely broken and shaking all over. Noel continues his preparation of your ass. After a little more than a minute, he thinks he has prepared you enough. You’re not quite so sure, but you don’t struggle. If he thinks it’s enough, it must be enough. What Noel says goes.

“Ready for my cock, love?” He is holding your waist as you feel the head of his penis stimulating the rim of your anus. He presses inside; his impatience in the preparation makes it a little tight still, but he enters. There’s pain, but compared to the pain elsewhere in your body, it’s negligible. He sighs deeply, contentedly. “So damn good.”

He changes his position to lay on top of you, covering your body with his. With one hand, he pins your right hand to the mattress; the other wraps under your left armpit and grabs you at the throat roughly. Your breathing becomes more labored as he constricts the air flow.

“You like that, huh? Being all mine. You don’t get to breathe unless I allow it, got that?” He starts moving his cock, thrusting in and out slowly. His member is rather thick, and it always takes a while for your hole to get used to it.

When you don’t reply, he shortly squeezes your throat hard before loosening his grip, leaving you gasping for air. “I said, did you get that?”

“Y-y-yes, Noel.” Your voice comes out as a wheeze.

“Good,” he coos. “That’s how I know my sweetheart.” He lets go of your throat and pins your other hand to the mattress, too. “I think you’re loosened up enough by now.”

It’s true; his cock is going in and out more easily than it was before.

“Let me paint your insides white.” With those words, he starts fucking you in earnest. Hard and deep; with each thrust you scream it out. “That’s it, y/n!” he moans in your ear. “Let it out. Let me hear how good you feel.”

And, despite everything, he was right: you did feel good. He had abused you, even tortured you. But that was the punishment, which was over now. So, surely, now you could enjoy yourself… right? It was hard to think straight around him. He didn’t allow you the space in your mind.

“How does it feel, baby?” Not having gotten his answer in words, his tone became more demanding. He accompanied it with a particularly hard thrust. The pain surged through you, but there was pleasure, too.

“Feels so good!” you mewled. “Noel… Noel…” You moan his name over and over, and he, with his mouth so close to your ear, whispers yours. You can feel his breath and hear every tiny sound he makes.

“See? If you behave, I’ll fuck you nicely. Isn’t it pleasant like this?”

“Yes, Noel.” You’re not even sure anymore if you mean what you say, or what the causal chain of events is. Did you agree with him because it is pleasant, or is it pleasant because you agreed with him?

“That’s a good [boy/girl].” His breathing grows more labored as he keeps penetrating you deeply. “I’m going to cum soon,” he whispers in your ear. “I’m gonna cum inside, and fill you up really good. You did so good bearing the punishment. You deserve it, you deserve my thick cock shooting it all inside you.” His voice grows more frenetic as he gets closer to ejaculation. He moans and groans and you feel his cock throbbing inside of you. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum. Fuuuuck.” With a final thrust, he shoots his load inside of you. He can’t help but twitch inside of you as he ejaculates. “God damn, you feel so good.”

You feel a warm feeling welling up inside you. It’s happiness. You feel happy you can please him.

You’ve truly become his bitch.

[moonmoonthecrabking]

having a bi panic in the officeworks this afternoon folks

[thatshithurted8]

Sticky Notes

Summary: JJ falls in love with the introverted Kook Pope tutors.  (Part two to Introverted. However, you don’t need to read part one.) Requested by @teamnick

Word Count: 1.6k 

A/N: This is the long awaited part two to my original fic Introverted. I’m sorry it took me so long to write, but I hope you all love it nonetheless. I also want to thank you all for 650 followers, I adore you all! 

You look in your rear view mirror one last time before getting out of your car. You just arrived to the chateau since JJ asked you to come over. However, you had no idea what he was planning. He told you to wear whatever you want, not specifying anything in specific. Even though you had no clue as to what the mischievous boy was planning you wanted to look your best. Little did you know you could wear a garbage bag and JJ would still be smitten for you. 

After changing your mind on countless outfits you finally decided to wear a white dress with brown buttons running down the middle, it was cottage core inspired. Along with your dress you wore a pair of white converse and a gold necklace that your parents got you for your birthday. The reflection and colour of the necklace accentuated the golden aura that seemed to follow you everywhere. That same aura was something JJ loved. It was comforting and reminded him of how soft and reserved you were.

As you close your car door you see Kie, Pope, Sarah and John B all scurry inside of the chateau, which you thought was weird. Yes, you didn’t talk much, but you always greeted them, they were your friends after all. However, your confused thoughts instantly go away when JJ walks around the side of John B’s van, greeting you with a smile and hug.

Everything you wore took JJ’s breath away, but something about seeing you wear white made JJ feel a certain type of way. Not a sexual way, but a loving and content type of way. Seeing you wear white basically thrusted JJ into you guys’ future where he can imagine you walking down an aisle wearing another white dress. 

“You look beautiful.” JJ says after hugging you and fixing his backwards cap. 

You blush at the boys compliment while fiddling with your fingers. “Thank you.” 

Despite being extremely close to JJ now you couldn’t stop yourself from shying away whenever he complimented you. And despite loving you for so long JJ knew he would never get tired of how you reacted to his compliments. 

“My lady?” JJ asks, sticking his hand out for you to take which you do. 

The two of you walk around the side of the van where JJ previously was and you’re taken away when you see how John B’s yard was set up. You were greeted by string lights hanging from tree branch to tree branch and a white sheet being hung up between two trees, Kiara’s projector sitting a few feet away from it. The only thing seemingly out of place was the van, it wasn’t parked in it’s normal spot.

“JJ.” You softly say, awestruck. It was like a scene coming out of a movie. 

“That’s not all.” The blonde says confidently before letting go of your hand, which makes you realize how much you loved the feeling of his hand against yours. You watch as he walks over to the vans sliding door, he smiles at you and opens it. 

Your mouth falls open as your eyes scan over the vans contents and walk closer. Inside were a ton of blankets and pillows, on top of the soft blankets sat a small basket full of your favourite snacks and drinks and all over the van were sticky notes in every colour with JJ’s messy writing on them. JJ admires you as you step closer to read what each sticky note had written on it. 

You’re beautiful.

I love how down to earth you are. 

You can light up the whole universe with just your smile. 

Colours seem brighter when you’re around. 

You bring out the best in me. 

I feel the most like me when you’re around. 

Jokes are funnier when you tell them. 

You make me want to be a better person. 

I love your perspective on everything. 

You turn towards JJ as you finish reading all of the sticky notes that were scattered around the van. Your eyes were welling with happy tears while your heart beat only increased. 

JJ lets out a shaky breath before speaking, “You know Y/N the first time I ever saw you, you took my breath away.” He says fiddling with his ring clad fingers before looking up to meet your gaze. 

The Maybank boy wasn’t the type of person to be intimidated or nervous when talking to girls, but when it came to you it was a whole different story, especially since he also was planning on asking you an important question. 

“I’m so happy that we have gotten to know each other.” JJ says grabbing a hold of your hand, which he grazes softly with his thumb. 

You nod in agreement at JJ’s statement, but you let him continue talking. 

“You are single handedly the most amazing person I have ever met. And you make me so fucking happy Y/N, you have no idea. So I was wondering.” He says trailing off while taking another sticky note out of his cargo shorts and handing it over to you with his free hand. You softly take it from him and read the words that were written in JJ’s legible, but messy writing. 

The note read, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ 

You look up at JJ, meeting his blue orbs, both of your guys’ hearts were beating a mile a minute. You continue to stare into his eyes, making sure he was being serious, after all he liked to joke around with everyone especially you.However, you could tell he wasn’t joking and what you dreamed and hoped for was finally happening. 

“Yes.” You softly, but genuinely say while smiling from ear to ear. 

JJ’s nerves instantly go away when you reveal your simple answer. Seeing you smile and be so happy because of him made JJ even more happy in that moment. Much like you, he couldn’t believe everything he planned and hoped for was finally happening.

“Yes!” He exclaims throwing his hands up into the air. 

“You’re my girlfriend!” He exclaims again, while throwing his arms around you and pulling you into an embrace causing you to giggle. You could feel yourself relax into his touch. 

In one swift movement JJ picks you up bridal style, making sure your dress was covering you fully before spinning around in circles. You start to laugh hysterically at your now boyfriends antics.

“She said yes! Let’s go!” He yells once again, excitement and happiness radiating off of the Maybank boy. 

The Pogues come outside after hearing JJ and they start to cheer and congratulate you two as JJ continues to spin you two around. 

- 

You and JJ sat in the back of John B’s van, cuddled up together and underneath the countless blankets the blonde brought outside. 

“I love this part.” You say, your eyes trained to the white sheet that was currently being used as make shift projector screen. JJ made sure to play your favourite disney movie for tonight which was Cinderella. 

As Prince Charming starts to dance with Cinderella, making every other girl at the ball envious of the blonde beauty in the blue dress, an idea crosses JJ’s mind making him kick off the blankets and stand up. You glance between the movie and then back to JJ confused. 

“My lady?” JJ asks again like he did earlier, but this time he bows while putting one hand behind his back and one out stretched to you. 

Without hesitating you throw the blankets off of you and grab a hold of JJ’s calloused hand. You giggle and blush as JJ copies what Prince Charming does in the animated film and guides you to a pretend dance floor in the middle of John B’s yard. 

JJ’s large hand falls on your waist while his other intertwines his fingers with yours and holds them in the air. You blush as you two start to waltz around the open yard. Your heart was beating a mile a minute and you couldn’t help, but look down at your feet, making sure you didn’t step on JJ’s as you two twirled around. 

“Look at me beautiful.” JJ says as the movie continues to play in the background. 

You look up from your feet and meet JJ’s gaze, causing his breath to hitch at how beautiful you looked under the moon and fairy lights. Your cheeks were flushed and you felt like you were on cloud nine. Never in your life has anyone made you feel the way you do when you’re with JJ. In that moment you finally acknowledged the fact that you were in love with him. It felt refreshing to finally admit that to yourself after trying your best to push your feelings for the blonde away. You were too worried and in your head about him not liking you back. You genuinely thought he could never like the shy and introverted girl, seeing how outgoing he was. 

But how wrong you were.

JJ stops dancing, his left hand remaining on your waist while his right hand comes down to caress your cheek, your hand finding his bicep. You hoped he couldn’t feel the heat that was most likely radiating off of your skin because of him. 

His blue eyes glance down to your lips before looking back up at your eyes that he adored so much. Without even realizing you both start to slowly move in. Just before the distance between you two is eliminated JJ glances back up to your eyes, as if he was asking if he could kiss you. 

“Kiss me.” You softly say, causing more heat to rush to your face. It was out of character for you to be so straight forward and demanding, but you wanted nothing more than for him to kiss you. 

And so he did.

[sylvieeee5]

GOOD DAY EVERYONE

I woke up at 3 am this morning and you have no IDEA how hard it was to wait until a reasonable hour to actually sit down and watch this episode. But the sun is up now, so let’s watch MBS episode 3: Depends on the Wagon!

!Warning!! Book and show spoilers ahead!

that’s not a creepy thing to say at all

thaT’S NOT A CREEPY THING TO SAY AT ALL

gdgisityiufwfitvoieti

what

Ooh- is that a reference to how Mr. Benedict taps his nose in the books?

That was actually my cousin’s theory-

Very casual, Sticky. Good job

he’s SO creepy and for what?

constance hid in the suitcase i-

kate, we’ve had this discussion

good deductive reasoning though :)

So the kids sent the “Gemini” message this time? Hm…

Uh oh, Mr Benedict’s having a crisis :(

OKAY FIRST OF ALL

YOU KNEW??

SECOND OF ALL

NATHANIEL?????

THE EVIL MASTERMIND WHO PLANS TO CONTROL THE ENTIRE WORLD IS NAMED N A T H A N I E L ? ? ? ?

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING

NOT TELLING THE KIDS IS ONE THING, BUT NUMBER TWO DIDN’T EVEN KNOW?

That’s cold, Benedict.

okay??

way to break the tension milligan hdhkjsrudiydt

OFDIDIOYDJTXIZXIKYHSTUWTWI

oh, that sound you hear? it’s the sound of the extraordinary education of nicholas benedict being removed from existence. rip

please, rhonda

well that would make sense, wouldn’t it?

okay sticky real subtle

JUST SAY THAT YOU THINK OF REYNIE AS A BROTHER

*cries in found family again*

OKAY WOW, RIGHT WHERE IT HURTS HUH

AAAAAAAAAA

WE’RE ONLY TEN MINUTES IN YOU NEED TO STOP

you will respect the bucket

awww

I mean… true?

ARE YOU TRYING TO TRAUMATIZE THESE CHILDREN MR. OSHIRO

EXACTLY

THANK YOU

i mean, have you met kate? this is probably the least reckless thing she’s done so far

was that a CROW

WOW

oh no the voices

constance :(

Orlando?

they’ve connected the dots! look at my girls being smart :)

milligan is part of this family too dangit

i love him

I work Thursdays, but hey, at least new MBS episodes are only a day away :)

IGDITIEILCYHIFSURGUOURFKHVHOUTFOHCURS

MARTINA???? EXCUSE ME??????

i think a kid’s about to die or something but look how pretty the girl behind reynie is ❤️

rip

exactly!!!

there 👏are 👏different 👏types 👏of 👏intelligence 👏

thank you reynie

RHONDA WHAT

ma’am that is your uncle-

i’m feeling very great pain

mr benedict :( :( :(

that’s right man, feel your feelings

were you two just standing perfectly still in this hallway waiting for them,,

like father like daughter…

OH HECK

S.Q.!! wait- DAD?????

WHAT

I

I CAN’T HANDLE THIS

I MEAN-

I KNOW THEY BASICALLY HAD A FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIP IN THE BOOKS-

BUT THIS IS LIKE

OFFICIAL

EXCUSE ME WHILE I

EXCUSE ME MATT MANFREDI AND PHIL HAY??? SIRS I OWE YOU MY LIFE????

ANYWAY

SQ MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!!

MY FAVORITE CHARACTER

HE’S HEEEERE

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

oh look! it’s nathaniel!

Oooooh a medieval Europe reference…. no, stop, I’m not supposed to like you-

side note: L.D. and S.Q.- does this family have something against first names-

Underhanded compliment much? I mean, even Constance phrased it a little nicer than that.

yes they’re brothers, what’s it to you SIR

dr curtain:

why does he eat salad like that

i know that’s a completely normal way to eat salad, i just feel the need to critique him specifically because i’m afraid that i LIKE HIM TOO MUCH SERIOUSLY

i know he’s trying to take over the world and all but the only thing he’s done so far is say a couple cryptic things and be a good dad,,,

okay man maybe get therapy? i’m sympathetic but perhaps you should not trauma dump onto this child you just met

it DEFINITELY seems like constance is speaking from experience

this isn’t the first comment like that she’s made-

child, who hurt you :(

somebody help this man

(am i the only one who’s terrified of touching insulation hhhhhhhhh)

Why does this scene in combination with the music remind me of Breath of the Wild

:(

wait-

we’ve seen that before

but it’s not on dr. curtain’s page...

it’s on mr. benedict’s.

👀 👀 👀

Oh? whomst-

Are you the Eva Stellenbosch to Curtain’s Dr. Greif, perhaps? (does anyone actually get that reference-)

Dr. Garrison, huh? Can’t wait to meet Dr. Office Building and Mr. Linen Closet :)

ALRIGHT REYNIE, YOU’RE REALLY GOING TO DO ME LIKE THIS AGAIN-

constance :( :( :(

MS PERUMAL YES  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

GO GET YOUR SONNNNNN

WHOOOOOO ALRIGHT THAT WAS A RIDE

i know that it’s a bit early to give out top scores... but SCREW IT

10/10

LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

wait PREVIEW the ribbons!

OHHHH WAITING ROOM

STICKYYYYY OH SHOOT

okay disney, FINE. i’m anxious for the next episode. is this what you wanted?!

[taetaesbaebaepsae]

Monsta X during Sex

A/n: @ddaengbaepsae basically cowrote this, bless her thotty brain

Warnings: Just pure filth, kinda soft though shut up I’m soft for them

Word Count: 2656

Son Hyunwoo (Shownu)

Welp he’s big all over folks

Stay safe, use lube

It’ll be fine he’s a big teddy bear

He might hurt you but he’d never mean to

He’s not the type to fuck around he’s definitely a one woman man

He’d be slow to initiate a physical relationship, too, he’s a shy baby under all those muscles

Not at all the jealous type you could thirst over another member right in front of his salad and he’d be like “You’re right, Jooheon does have juicy thighs”

Only very specific situations would make him feel possessive

For example if he comes home and you’re wearing Hoseok’s hoodie

His ears start turning red and you have no idea why

Rips it off you all hungry kisses hands everywhere

You’re shook when he gets a little rough with you, bites your shoulder when he comes

While you’re getting dressed after he puts his hoodie on you with a kiss and a sheepish smile

Missionary, lots of slow strokes, kissing

He’s a hard worker tho if you know what I mean 👀👀

Worries about your pleasure over his

High-key oblivious to you seducing him

You can suck chocolate off his fingers and he’s like “Jagi I can buy more chocolate, relax.”

You can strip off your clothes and he’ll be like “oh should I run you a bath?”

You’ll have to deadass put your hand on his dick for him to get it

He’ll be all blushy at first but then he’ll kiss you hard

So good at oral look at those lips sis. Won’t even ask you to reciprocate but would be so grateful if you do, stroking your hair, a little praise “You’re so good to me, Jagi.”

He’s so shy about asking for what he wants in general but if you do something he likes once, he’ll ket you know by his body language, throw his head back and buck those dancer’s hips

He isn’t very vocal at first but he’ll get a little more comfortable he’s never actually loud

Unless you sit on his face

Don’t @me Nunu loves it

This is when he’s loud, all deep throated moans and he’ll go hard, you’re gonna forget your own name, sis

He loves curves, loves you in white and lace

He is not a one night stand guy he’s a serial monogamist for sure

If he’s fucking you he’s in love I don’t make the rules

He’s fairly vanilla and he’d be highkey worried he’d hurt you if you were into choking or something like that

He would try anything for the person he loves but he’d be uncomfortable if it were something rough

He knows how to move, we all know that, so in any case you’re a very happy girl

Yoo Kihyun

So Ki wants you a lady in the streets

You start dating him thinking you got this traditional boy from a conservative household

But behind closed doors…

“Why are you wearing panties? You don’t need those here.”

He’ll buy you expensive lingerie just to fucking RUIN it

Look you leave his place sweaty and sticky and covered in hickeys

It’s a real walk of shame

He wants you a MESS the first few times he won’t even fuck you because he wants you hooked on him before he ever puts it in

You gotta beg for it every fucking time

But when he finally does you best be ready

He’ll have you ass up on all fours trying to blow out your back

Saying shit like “This is what you wanted, yeah? Wanted me to fuck you like my pretty little whore?”

You’re fucking SHOOK

Also he IS low-key a nice boy like in public he’s making you cover up your marks and shit

But the minute you get a little chummy with one of the other boys he’s ripping off your scarf like “oops”

He’s not that loud bc he’s focused on making you loud af

But he’s a real dirty talker he’ll whisper some shit to you at a restaurant that’ll make your legs shake

He’s the type to make you take off your panties in the bathroom and when you come back he’s talking intently with the boys while he just runs one hand along your inner thighs to tease you

He will be loud if you let him fuck your mouth tho (and you will please who are we kidding?)

“That’s my good girl. My sweet whore.” Throaty moans

Low-key kinky he’ll just randomly buy a riding crop and ship it to your house with a note like “tonight?”

He would love you in a diamond collar

Nothing even remotely submissive about this man

He’s a good time but you better be ready he doesn’t play if you’re his you’re his no questions no complaints

Lee Jooheon

What a fun time

But also such a fucking tease

Another one who wants you messy and keening

Acts all innocent when you beg all wide eyed “What do you mean, princess, I’m barely touching you? You’re so needy today.” All dimpled smirk

But he’ll fuck the life outta you right after

Also just a sidenote he’s got a fast tongue you know that vibrating thing? King of that

He sends you texts all day at work 50% sexts 50% sweet like “when are you coming to see me? I miss you.”

He is a s w i t c h you can’t change my mind

But he’s a brat if he lets you top, so whiny and desperate and he’ll know exactly what will make you give in.

Has a bit of a praise kink tbh so he might be a good boy just for that

When he doms he’s soft tho all praise all the time

He’ll praise you for being a brat be like “oh, I love it when you’re feisty. Do that again.”

Jooheon likes ass sis the more the better if you got cake and wear tight jeans around him you won’t be wearing them long

You gonna have handprints on that booty like at all times

Loves doggy style so much

Adventurous he would definitely fuck you somewhere public like a parking garage or a public bathroom he gets off on adrenaline for sure

High sex drive, all over you when you’re busy working from home and when you’re finally like “ok ok I’m done let’s do this” he’s barely touching you skating his mouth over your skin just to give you chills

Loves to show you off wants you looking like a bad bitch when he takes you out he loves it when you make heads turn

He’s not exactly possessive but he does want all your attention at first he’ll use aegyo and be pouty to try and get you to pay attention to him

If that doesn’t work then he’ll use that Libra seductiveness

LOUD AF

Particularly during blowjobs he will wake the dead “Please please please…” So desperate and whiny

Unironically refers to you as “his girl” like you meet his friends and he’s like “this is my girl”

Down for anything he’ll make all your kinks and fantasies a reality

Loves you wearing something revealing kisses all your exposed skin big open mouthed kisses

Softest sweetest cuddler afterward

Would be the BEST fwb

Chae Hyungwon

He strikes me as the the type to have a fwb for a real long time or be a serial monogamist

King of the long, deep, slow stroke game

You can beg him to go faster all you want but his patience will end you

Lots of stamina we’re talking all night y'all every single time

No quickies here you gotta carve out 2 hours in your schedule minimum

Look at that mouth phew you’re gonna need a good two hours to recover after he goes down on you too

It’ll take a while he can breathe through his ears you feel me

He’s pretty vanilla at heart but he’ll choke the shit outta you if that’s what you want, tie you up, whatever he ain’t scared

King of morning sex I just know it

Sleepy, slow, sweet morning sex

Have you in your feelings when the sun is barely up

SUCH a good kisser, wow

Mostly dominant in bed but he loves you on top

You have fingerprint bruises on your hips at all times

He doesn’t get possessive much at all he’s confident he’s got you on lock

If he does he’ll just throw shade at the dude you’re flirting with and fuck you an hour longer that night to remind you why you’re with him

One of those shuts the kitty down for two full days types, tbh he’s low-key BIG

Big big praise during blowjobs if you give the good succ he gonna fall in love

“Your tongue is sinful, you know that? You look so beautiful with your mouth full.”

Like before you fuck him the first time you’re worries he’ll be boring in bed because he’s quiet and sweet on dates

Then one night he kisses you goodnight and suddenly presses you against the wall, lips right by your ear: “You’re inviting me in, yeah?”

You’re like “Yes SIR”

After about an hour and a half you’re exhausted and sweating, muscles sore and he’s deadass asleep with one arm thrown around you

He’s full of surprises

Lee Hosoek (Wonho)

You first see him and your instincts tell you to run he’s gotta be a whole fuckboy

He wants to be and he’ll try but he’s s o f t

He would do a one night stand and then take you to breakfast and text you two hours later asking if you wanna hang out again

You’re absolutely shocked when he calls you the next day because the sex is definitely not soft

At least not at first

At first he’s throwing you up against walls, pulling your hair, all whiny moans and praises “God, look at you, all spread out like a whore for me.”

And he’ll keep it up but he gets low-key sweet as he inevitably catches feelings

Starts going down on you all the time, being a real tease, slow licks, two fingers in and out

Moans against you it makes him so hard to taste you

The cuddliest baby afterward

High-key possessive don’t even think about flirting he’ll have you backed into a corner marking your throat and breasts up in front of God and everybody

Wants a lot of attention but mostly wants to give you a lot of attention

I don’t know if a louder boy exists tbh

Good luck keeping any of your private times private he’s such a moaner, pleads with you, dirty talker esp when you give him head

“You’re gonna make me come so hard, will you open your mouth and let me see it on your tongue?”

He’ll want so many nudes of you

He strikes me as a real ass man just like Joo

He WILL eat the booty like groceries

He’ll try to wife you if you like anal but sis bring a lot of lube

BIG BIG BIG

Like he knows he’s big but he doesn’t realize how big

Scary big

“You wanna put that where?” Big

He’d sub he’s a switch he’s a good boy too

He is not too proud to beg and he’ll wear your hickies like a badge of honor

He’s strong he loves to manhandle you, throw you over his shoulder and smack your ass, standing sex in the shower holding on to your hips as he bucks up into you

Proud of his body and never wears a shirt around you if he doesn’t have to

Big boyfriend material though despite his fuckboy charm he is loyal and sweet

Lee Minhyuk

He might be a fuckboy look I know he seems soft but there’s a strong demon in there

I feel like he lives to make women fall for him but may or may not catch feelings himself

He’s the type to woo you hard and then kind of ghost you because he’s in too deep

Down for anything sexually a big switch

He’ll be excited to try new things and beg to hear your dirtiest fantasies

Sexually manipulative, he’ll talk you into anything

He’s so much fun but what a wildcard one night will be just missionary and kissing the next y'all are trying out every position in the Kama sutra

Talks a lot, praise, especially when you are on top

Whiny moans, bucking his hips but trying to be a good boy

He👏 loves 👏curves I cannot emphasize this enough

He’s fucking you from behind waxing poetic

“You’re so sexy. The curve of your spine, the way your lower back dips just before…” Skating his hands along your ass before he grabs a handful

He’s always touching you during, hands and mouth everywhere, soft open mouthed kisses on your throat, your breast, your thighs

King of foreplay

He’ll just touch you everywhere, run his hands along your things as he kisses you, your back, your arms, has you trembling before he ever gets to a sweet spot

Loves to overstimulate you but he’ll let you to it to him, too, he loves making you a mess but he’ll love being a mess for you too

Would love you to tie him up he’s a good boy

If he so desires he’ll turn the tables so quick it’s scary, though, he can talk you into anything, remember?

Absolutely an angel in aftercare, sweetest boy, bring you water and snacks to prepare for round two

Im Changkyun (i.m)

The biggest fucking tease

Will dirty talk you until you are weak in the knees

Sexts you in the middle of the day

“Remember when you rode me from behind? Let’s do that again tonight.”

He doesn’t forget a single moment because he’s watching everything, how your face looks when you’re close, the sounds you make

Inside a week he knows exactly what you’re weak for and will use it to his advantage

Teases you mercilessly when he goes down on you, but when you do come it’s overstimulation city he’s moaning against you and coaxing a second orgasm right after the first

He loves to bite you, oh boy, your inner thighs are covered

But that moan he lets out when you bite his neck? He loves to be marked

Cocky, arrogant in bed at first “I know what you like.”

But as he catches feelings he’s more open with you when he’s inside you than he ever is outside of bed

Emotionally attached to sex so when he starts to fall in love it gets even better

He starts to praise you instead of talking shit

Loves you on top, the awe on his face

Breathy, low moans instead of those usual grunts and growls

“Honey, you kill me, you know that? You were made to fit around my cock, yeah?”

He tries out every position but always ends up in missionary, looking in your eyes, kissing you hard and hungry

He memorizes every curve of your body, every face you pull when you’re coming apart because he wants to be able to call it up when he’s away

Low-key body worship when he’s in his feelings

His praise is very personal, too, he’ll talk about how the freckles on your shoulders are constellations, kiss everyone while he’s fucking you from behind

He makes sure you know what he sees in you

If you want to top him he’ll agree and let you but pretend he’s not into it until you really get going

You’ll break him the first time, he’ll beg you, hips bucking, so loud

He needs a girl who can do both

If you’re bad bitch down for anything he’ll fall in love on sight

So soft in the mornings, Eskimo kisses, murmured praise

[pinkykitten]

Hairspray pt. 1

Stranger Things

Billy Hargrove x plus size! female reader

Warning: curse words, body-shaming, things get a lil steamy at the end

Specifics: comedy, angst, fluff, romance, chapter fic, race neutral reader, plus size reader, chubby reader, pictures

People: billy hargrove, nancy wheeler, jonathan byers, heather, your dad, your mother, amber (bully, oc) 

Words: 4,089

Summary: Based on Bell’s 2.5k Challenge, @acciosnapes. Being rich was tough. Your parents expected so much out of you; they expected you to be perfect. Owning practically all of Hawkins, Indiana; they perceived themselves to be above everyone else. Having that thinking made you alone, as you were not allowed to hang out with people beneath you. 4th of July of 1985 holds the fair for Independence day. You had feelings for a certain bad boy and if luck comes your way you may tell him the truth and who knows maybe he’ll even ask you to the fair. During those moments though, you will have to endure top secret evil science labs and experiments. You will uncover Hawkins secrets, make friends and who knows maybe break a couple of rules.

Authors Note: y/f/n = your father’s name

y/m/n = your mother’s name

this is the first part of the chapter fics hairpsray. this is for a challenge and i love this so much. i love writing confident plus size characters and readers. the aesthetic was made by me and the beginning to the end of this fic i got inspired by hairpsray 2007 by the start of the movie all the way to miss baltimore crabs number. i put an amber in here like the movie and some quotes and dialogue is taken from the movie hairspray, lets see if u guys can figure it out. anywho i love this hope u love it and im so happy i did this challenge there will be more so check out for this series and im excited to show u guys. yay! 

The summer of 1985. It was hot and sticky outside. The cicadas singing as they made their way near you home. You were excited. You were going to, no matter who tried to stop you, get a job.

It very well likely might not have made sense to anyone. You were rich. Grew up with a golden spoon in your mouth. You never knew life to be hard. Every little thing was given to you, whether it be toys, dresses, makeup, you had it all. At least thats what your parents thought. Your father was basically equal with the Mayor. The two helped each other out with smart work and of course the dirty work. Y/f/n thought you didn’t know but you sniffed out the clues and put them together. You knew your father was no innocent man. He played his cards right to get this money, not earn it. And y/m/n, just followed your father around like a lost puppy. You could see the kindness in her sometimes but she always listened to your father. 

What your parents didn’t know was you were searching for something more important. Something that meant a whole lot to you. Money didn’t matter. You didn’t want that life. You wanted to be independent and be able to make mistakes and live life. Your parents always disciplined you on peers. You were not allowed to be with low lives; people who weren't as successful as your family. But all the friends your parents wanted you to love were snobs and thought so highly of themselves. You wanted to get away from that life. Your whole life was planned out for you. You are forever and always this pretty, perfect sweet girl who follows rules even though sometimes you didn’t feel those things. 

You woke up to the sun beating down on your face. You rolled around on your pastel pink king sized bed. Groaning, as you subconsciously hit your alarm clock but noticing you were awoken before its ring. 

“Hmm, thats never happened before.”

You stretch as you jump out of bed to start your first day of work. You would never tell your parents. They would never understand and probably make excuses to stop you. You were going to try to get hired at Hawkins Community Pool. It was a risky decision based on your size. You were plus sized and adored it! You felt on top of the world most times and never cared what anyone thought. But there were times where you did get down from comments but you still pushed ahead and loved yourself. You were willing to give the lifeguard gig a chance and there was a plus side. Your crush Billy Hargrove was there. You just hoped you could entice him enough to give you a go. 

You scrambled to your feet as you raced to your phone. You dialed your best friend Nancy’s number. You had to keep the relationship a secret. If your parents knew about your friendship they probably would flip. You knew about all the secrets of the kids and Hawkins lab. Nancy felt guilty not telling you so she spilled the beans about everything to you. About Eleven, the monsters, scientists. It sounded unreal but you knew Nancy would never lie to you. 

“Hey Nance, are we still on for the mall today?” You asked, twirling the cable with your fingers. 

On the other side you could hear Nancy struggling, “yep we’re still on. Sorry I’m running late to my first day of work.”

“Oh yeah its today. What are you gonna be doing again?”

Nancy made a yelp as the phone was muffled, “sorry I just slipped putting on my dress.” Just as Nancy said that you could hear Jonathan’s voice in the background. 

“No way!” You squealed. “Did you sleep with Jonathan?”

Nancy giggled, “...sorta...kinda...yeah.”

“You naughty girl!”

“Whatever!”

“Tell him I said hi,” you said.

“Oh my god y/n, you’re unbelievable but I gotta go now.”

“Wait? Are you still coming with me to get my bathing suit?”

“Like I would miss this. Y/n’s first job and pretty much your first time being a independent young lady. Y/n, we’re definitely going to celebrate!” She hanged up the phone and you got dressed for the day. 

You went to the living room and turned on the tv. “Good morning Hawkins, Indiana.” The news man and lady said as they raised their morning cup of coffee to the viewers. 

You skipped around the kitchen finding something to eat. Humming a tune you couldn’t get out of your head as it was a song you made up. 

“I love you Hawkins, and someday when I take to the world, the worlds gonna wake up see. Hawkins and me,” you sang as you were stopped by your father. 

“Why are you so jumpy this morning?” He wore a scowl on his face. 

You shrugged, “nothing in particular dad.” You kissed him on the cheek. Your mother walked in swatting your hand as you were about to make breakfast for yourself. 

“The maids can get it honey,” she said as the maid ran in and got started in cooking you your favorite. 

You rolled your eyes as you got your bag, “you know I think I’ll just eat on the road. I’ll pick up something on the side.”

“Honey, make sure its nothing greasy,” your mother said. “You have to try to back away from foods, remember.”

“You remind me everyday mother.” Your parents always pointed out the fact that you were bigger than most girls your age. They always tried to put you on diets and workouts but nothing worked. It didn’t work because you didn’t want it to work. You were totally fine with your body and wish they could see what you saw. 

Finishing the rest of your corn dog from the food court you awaited on Nancy by the store. Checking your time you knew Nancy was supposed to be here.  

“C’mon Nance, where are you?”

Finally she showed up from around the corner. Her hair all disheveled. It looks as if she was rushed. 

“Hey there best friend...you okay?” You asked, hugging her as she came up. 

She waved your question off. “It can wait. So what are you thinking of getting? Whats your vision?”

“Well,” you said as you entered into the tiny shop. Women of all sizes were there but you can see the look of disappointment on many of the bigger girls faces. There was barely anything there for them. You looked through the clearance for “Big Girls” it read on the sign. “since I have to make a good impression, I’m going to wear something sexy but also professional. I don’t want to look like no stripper.”

Nancy chuckled, “right. Also isn’t this swimsuit for only this time cause you have to wear their red one while you work there.”

“Correct. Like I said though I want them to see I am trying and I am not going to half-as* it.”

“How bout this one?” Nancy said as she brought out a blue one. It had sequins on it; very beautiful. But it was too sexual. The breast area was very much wide and open. The back showed too much butt. “What do you think about this?”

“Don’t get me wrong its super pretty but like I said; I need to look professional. Plus there’s gonna be kids there.”

“I gotcha. Sorry I maybe just want everyone to pass out when they see my friend.”

“Oh I bet everyone will, even if I don’t wear anything sexual. They’re probably gonna be like agghhh an earthquake when they see me walking in and I’ll respond like, you bet b*tch.”

Nancy laughed. 

“How bout this one?” You pulled out a Hawaiian one. It was pretty but more for old ladies and it was boring. 

“Okay yeah sure...for my nana!”

“Well how do you know me and your nana don’t have the same taste?”

“Look you need something more than that. Like you said, making a statement.”

You bit your lip, “man this harder than I thought. I’m kind scared to be honest about doing this. Like I think the last time I ever got this scared was when they announced the new coke.”

Nancy tried her hardest to hold back a giggle, “why are you scared?”

“Picture this, what if a stranger hands me a blunt and you know I’m curious by nature and I accept it? What in the world will Billy think? He’ll probably think I’m like a druggie 24/7!”

“First off, that is the oddest situation I’ve ever heard of. Second, is this your weird way of saying what if Billy doesn’t like you?”

“No I know he’ll like me sexually but I mean platonically. What if he doesn’t want to be like a normal couple and hang out? What if he’s ashamed to be with me? These are good questions.”

Nancy held your hand, “than he’s the jerk I always thought him to be and you’re too good for him.”

You nodded, “I mean I’m too good for him now but in that moment, if he’s a d*ck then I will be 10 times better than him. So any ways...how was work?”

Nancy rolled her eyes and looks down, “I kinda don’t want to talk about it.”

“What? What happened? Am I gonna have to slap a b*tch?” You became territorial and overprotective of your friend.

“No, no, no its just, the men at work sorta treat me like I’m dumb and that I’m not really of use to this type of work. I guess cause they see me as a woman they think they can take advantage of me. They make fun of myey/n. In front of everyone. Its bull sh*t.” Nancy almost looked as if she wanted to cry.

“Hey its okay. This is your first day. People are going to be jack as*es but you listen to me. Whenever any one has talked about me differently or made fun of me because of my weight or whatever I either laugh with them, ignore them, or say something smart back to them. There are ways that we women can stand up for ourselves without having to insult or hurt someone physically.”

“Its just easier said than done. But I’ve got a lead. A lady called me today about diseased rats. I think that maybe this is my chance to be a journalist like I’ve always wanted to be.”

You clapped her on the back, “atta girl. You take that chance. You take it right in your hand and never let it go. No matter what they tell, or do to you; you have the right, the power. Use it Nancy. Use your voice.”

Nancy smiled and picked out an orange swimsuit. You didn’t care if people called you an actual orange; all you saw was perfection. 

“How bout this one y/n?”

“Thats the one Nancy. Its perfect!”

“Hey pancake y/n and Nancy drew,” Amber, your arch nemesis. The bully, the b*tch of the town walked up to you two. Her high heels clicked as they met with the floor. Her skirt was so short you could almost see her goodies from up high. Her makeup was too overdone and her blonde hair was as perfect as Tom Cruise’s abs. She snickered as she saw you hold up your swimsuit to pay. “And you’re gonna wear that? Where are you going? To the Hawkins pool?”

“Yes as a matter of fact I am. Thanks for you looking out for me...Amber.” You said as you walked right by her; nudging her lightly. “Now I don’t wanna get there late so if you excuse me-”

“Oh sorry, too skinny of a space?”

“Amber-” Nancy started but you waved a hand out to her. 

“No its okay Nance. She’s right, it was too skinny for my delicious body.” You shrugged. 

Amber motioned closer to you. Her foot stepping on yours. “Are you going to the pool to see Billy?”

You almost forgot. Rumor had it that Amber was going to try all Summer to get with Billy but so far you heard he was single and you sure as he*l were not going to miss the opportunity. 

“Well I mean I will see him whether I want to or not. He kind works there.”

“I’m not talking about that fat-a*s. I’m saying are you doing all this. Wanting to work there just because he’s there?”

“Wow Amber! I didn’t realize you were my mother. Congratulations! Now shall I tell you about all my business?”

Amber snarled, “I swear to God if you try anything with Billy I will hunt you down. If you think for a moment that he would ever like someone like you? You are completely and utterly stupid. Know your place and be careful... you might stop traffic in that.” Amber chuckled as she walked away. Her butt swaying as she tried to show you she was better than you.

“Yeah well I have a better a*s than you!”

Nancy shook her head as she led you to the register, “C’mon y/n, lets just go.” 

Did that little interaction ever stop you? 

Never! You still went with your plan. Get this job in order to get your Billy. It was plain and simple. And also to prove to yourself and your parents that you can do things on your own and you didn’t need anyone. 

Nancy dropped you off. You got changed in the bathroom and knew it just turned into Billy’s shift. You met with the other kids at the front desk. As they saw you they laughed. “Well, well, well if it isn’t y/n l/n, the rich girl. What can we do you for?”

As you were about to speak one of the boys put his hand up, “I’m sorry but we don’t have any gold bars here at the moment. Maybe you’ll have to ask the President of the United States.”

You glared at the boy and were silent. The boy thought he broke you and you acted very suspicious. Suddenly you laughed, “yeah well maybe I’ll go ask your dad since he seems to pay me every time I’m with him.” You of course knew it wasn’t true. You had never even slept with anyone before heck with his dad. It was all for games. 

The others hollered out loudly at your come back and the boy stood back flushed. 

“Now I want to work here and I think I deserve a resume. I see your sign that you are hiring so what do I have to do here folks?” You clapped your hands. 

A girl named Heather walked by and heard your conversation. “Y/n, right?”

“Thats me.” You shook her hand. 

“Awesome, yeah I remember your call. You wanted a job here?”

“Correct again.”

“Well around here we do things differently. In order to get the job we need to see your walk.”

“My what?”

“Your walk.” The other teens tried to stifle their laughter. “Thats the most important step. We need to see how you walk in order to get to your post.”

“Oh okay for a minute I thought you wanted me to walk on water or something.”

Heather rolled her eyes. “No. I need to see how you do and then we can talk and I can give you a resume.”

“Wait. You’re the one who conducts the interviews around here and stuff like that?”

Heather nodded. Lying.

“Cool so when do I start the walk?”

“Now!” Heather pushed you into the open. 

“Oh okay,” you were shy at first but then conducted yourself. The sun shone on your skin deliciously making your skin glow. You looked at your surroundings. A lot of kids. A chubby kid running, which you knew was a no-no. The other side, near Billy was, “Mrs. Wheeler? What in the world is she doing looking at Billy like that?” You felt anger erupt within you. Yes, you were a little jealous. Even though their relationship was extremely wrong you still felt jealous. You proceeded to walk. Not caring if anything budged out, jiggled, nothing. You felt sexy, beautiful and that’s all that mattered. 

You shook your hips as you walked up to the chair. You had talked to Billy before but never a full out conversation. It was little ones. Billy stood right by the chair, talking to Mrs. Wheeler. As you showed up Billy looked at you straight in the eye. You bit your lip winking at him. Billy then looked all over you, raising his brow. He licked his lips. 

“Hi y/n,” he said all suave; putting his hand out to stop Mrs. Wheeler’s conversation, interrupting her. 

“Hi Billy, hello Mrs. Wheeler.”

Mrs. Wheeler seemed angry so she sat back down in the sun. 

“Well, well, well, what are you doing here?” Billy asked as he leaned against the lifeguard chair. 

“Well I heard y’all were hiring. I saw in the newspaper that they’re making another lifeguard here, coinciding with the first one of course. Heard it gets hectic around here.”

Billy chewed on a toothpick as he came closer to you, smirking. His eyes seeming almost a sea green when it hit the sun. “Yeah it sure does get hectic around here, but I think with you around; things will get more hectic. Trust me.”

“Will it be by your doing?” You got closer as well. Playing his games.

“I don’t know, might be.”

“Got any more bigger girls like me around here?”

“No just the one and only you.”

“Oh so you were looking?” You didn’t mind that he called you bigger or when someone called you fat. It was the truth and you learned to love those words. 

“Is that a bad thing?” Billy asked as his eyes scanned all over you once more. His eyes became lustful. 

“No, I mean you might as well learn what a real woman looks like. I guess I’ll be making history around here. Y/n l/n, the first lifeguard that is really and surely a-”

“Whole lotta woman,” Billy said as his voice came out raspy and more of a moan. 

Your knees were becoming weak. “Thats right.”

“Alright miss making history. Why do you want this job? Aren’t your parents rich? Doesn’t your dad work with the mayor?”

“Yep but I feel as a young lady, I need to learn and live.”

“Don’t worry you’ll learn all those things here; I’ll make sure I’ll teach you.” Billy said as he touched your arm, sending electricity coursing through your veins. 

“So Billy Hargrove will be my lifeguard teacher, huh? Not bad. But...will you ever need to punish me?”

Billy looked shocked as you said that and laughed. He inched closer to you until his plump lips landed on your ear, “only when you’re being a bad girl.”

It took everything out of you not to moan right there. You coughed as you tried to act natural again. Billy got you good. 

“Bashful much?”

“More like turned on,” you muttered not knowing Billy heard as he smiled wide. You turned around and walked straight back to Heather. Your a*s shaking a lot as you walked back making Billy almost have a heart attack. There was no way he was going to go through summer without you. 

“So how’d I do?” You questioned Heather. Excited to hear the news. 

“Well...it was okay.”

“Okay?”

“You weren’t supposed to talk to anyone yet.”

“Um, its a community pool. Everyone's talking.” You said. 

“No we mean when you were talking to Billy. You see a lot of the girls here like him. And we can’t have you jeopardizing their chances and scaring Billy if you know what I mean.” Heather said as she winced. 

Billy had wanted to hear the news about you working here and stood nearby; hearing the whole conversation. 

Your eyes widened, “no I’m sorry I don’t know what you mean?”

“Its just with your rich parents and well your weight for another thing we feel as its just too much...stuff for this job requirement.”

“So you’re basically saying I’m too fat and rich for a small summer job?”

Heather tried not to laugh as the other kids in the office did. You rolled your eyes. “And all this walk and stuff, that was fake too I suppose.”

Heather couldn’t control herself. She bursted out laughing. “You’re totally right! And you fell for it!”

You tried your hardest not to let them get to you. Not to cry. But it was difficult. They embarrassed you, hurt your feelings, rejected you because of your weight and life. You felt like you could get nowhere with them. 

You smiled, “thank you for your time guys.”

“Whatever!” Heather waved you off. 

Billy on the other hand was furious. He knew what it mean to be treated differently and to be hurt. He wanted to stand up for you but he was scared he would lose his job. 

You walked away and Billy walked up to Heather. “Hey, why do you have to be so cruel?”

“Says the guy who literally bullys everyone. What makes y/n any different?”

“Maybe its because she’s not a b*tch. Like some people are.” Billy walked away to get back to work but he could not for the life of him stop thinking about you. You clouded his brain all day. 

You walked home. Thinking about all that was said to you today. You had high hopes of getting the job but now you didn’t know where to go. Crashing onto your bed you cried onto your pillow. Your mother was out shopping with a group of her rich friends and your father was helping the Mayor out with the 4th of July fair. They didn’t care how you felt that day. When someone hurt you. They only cared about themselves. 

Your phone rang and it was Nancy. You sniffled your tears, wiping your face, “hello Nance. Whats up?”

“Hey y/n oh my god you’re not going to believe it! I got a lead on the rats! Me and Jonathan went to go check it out at Mrs. Driscoll. She showed us her basement and all the fertilizer bags had holes in them from the rats. She said that maybe they had rabies and wanted us to notify the public but y/n when I got a good look at these rats it was not like the norm.”

“What do you mean?” You sat up.

“What I mean is that these rats were like having a convulsion. They were acting really strange. Like crazy, I’m gonna investigate more tomorrow and then maybe just maybe the guys at my work will actually take me seriously.”

“You show them! But be careful okay, I don’t want you or Jonathan to loose your jobs. Pursue this story your way.”

“Thanks. Hey what about you? How did things go for your lifeguard summer adventure? And what about Billy? Oh my god did he see you that? He probably had such a big boner-”

“Nancy!” You started to cry again. “I didn’t get the job.”

“What the h*ll do you mean? Do I have to smack a b*tch?”

You chuckled lightly, “no its nothing like that or what I mean is theres nothing you can do. I went in and they pranked me and called me names and pretty much made fun of me saying that I couldn’t work there because I was rich and fat.”

“So? Who the h*ll cares? Jesus, I hate people.”

“Me too, but never you.” You sighed. 

“You know what you do?”

“What Nancy? I tried everything-”

“You try again! Go tomorrow and wear their attire their red swimsuits and show them that you are not playing around. Make them see that you are the woman for the job. You are an amazing person y/n, show them and show Billy.”

You wiped your tears away and got the boost you needed. “You’re right Nance, thanks. I’m gonna keep trying until I have done all that I can.”

“Yeah and if not there is a new mall that you could work at and really anywhere. People would be lucky to have you.”

“Thanks Nancy. You always know how to make me feel better.” You hanged up the phone and got a good nights rest for the next day where you would try your hardest to achieve something you so badly wanted. 

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @dirbel, @eastcoasthaven, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @idontknowwhattocallthisworld (wont let me tag)

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

also if you wanna be tagged in the series hairspray, comment :)

[f-117-nighthawk]

More playlist meta bc I don’t wanna do homework and Jimmy kicked me out of the TA room saying I’d been in there for far too long for a Friday (it was four hours! Interspaced between classes! Workshop kit inventory is just an excuse to blast Gloryhammer to me, it’s fun)

Since I was talking about Ten Thousand Against One earlier, I’ve been thinking about the timeline and which event the songs are connected to. Long post under the cut

Turn the Lights Out is... sort of an odd case. It’s not like Remnants of Stars, which is about Galran and my philosophy about how we were created, what happens to us when we die, and the cycles that power the universe. Of course, Remnants of Stars is a little more than just philosophy. It actually describes (in a rather metaphorical way) the actual process of the marthinazik filtering quintesence into new stars, planets, beings, anything you can think of. It also has a very important lyric for much much later like, post Sticky Notes later. Now that I think about it, it actually defines a good chunk of that maybe-sequel-maybe-idea era in conjunction with Soul Extract’s Filaments. 

Anyway, back to Turn the Lights Out. It’s an odd case because it’s sort of like Remnants of Stars in that it’s more about the philosophy, but it’s before Remnants of Stars because it’s also kind of an event. If you read interviews with Delain about Moonbathers, Charlotte states that Turn the Lights Out is about Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics, specifically the character of Death. I confess I haven’t read those comics, but my interpretation fits her rather well I think. To me, Turn the Lights Out is about a gentle god who accepts they will not always be seen as who they are but will give their everything to protect those within their universe. Now, who does that sound like? Which characters have been around since the birth of the universe, under various names, whether they be Ibeshganszá, ‘kibrraldíl, Marduzbazí, or Vôltrôn? 

You can make an argument for Your World Will Fail to be directly after Turn the Lights Out, but I rather like it after Remnants of Stars too. Turn the Lights Out is the beginning of the universe, so naturally, it goes first. Sentient life needs to evolve for Remnants of Stars to truly fit, and even though Your Would Will Fail technically can happen at any point between the first Plank time and the next, it also happens when the comet that becomes Voltron crashes into Daibazaal. The Your World Will Fail/Dark Matter/Eater of Worlds trio is both a general, entire timeline-spanning idea, and a specific event. 

(Your world will fail my love/It's far beyond repair/Your world will fail my love/It is already there)

(Bring me your soul/Bring me your hate/In my name you will create/Bring me your fear/Bring me your pain/You will destroy in my name)

(Can't imagine the violence/The rage and the love in my madness/I am the eater of worlds and I'm looking for someone to feed me)

And then, right after that event, or even during, you have Apocalypse 1992. The death of the dream, the final madness before the triumph of chaos. 

You Keep What You Kill is very much the odd one out out of everything. Helion Prime based it off a book I forget the name of, but here it’s purely about Zarkon’s empire. The “Holy Half-Dead” have lost so much of their culture, of the family bonds that kept them together even when their mistakes threatened the destruction of all, but they still remember the songs of glory. And they do keep what they kill. 

And then there’s a rather large time jump of about five thousand Earth years to The Seven Sisters. This song is pretty well encapsulated in Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) (which is a lyric from Closure, but Closure is later for Reasons), but the other half of it is connected to Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met.

Who Will Save You Now has gone through so many iterations of what it’s connected to I honestly don’t remember what it actually is anymore. Given its placement between The Seven Sisters and Nobody Gets Left Behind, I think it’s related to the SFSS Genesis’s disappearance. But it could also be placed in conjunction with A Simple Plan and be about something slightly different...hm, I’ll think on that. This song has such a Dark Matter vibe to me, but it hasn’t found a home that sticks in my brain yet. 

Nobody Gets Left Behind is really there bc it’s a fun song and when I found 1551 I immediately had to put something in. BUT it is a good song about family dynamics and, well, that’s Voltron in a nutshell right? (and then you get, right there in the first verse, “Don't even try to pretend/That you're rough and just as tough/As when you're missing a friend/Attack and take him back/Cause when the team isn't whole/You've got a hole in your soul/So step up to your fucking role/We might get hurt/We might be taking some hits/But when you're taking our friend/Then that's some personal shit” and you cannot tell me that’s not everybody’s mood post Battle in the Sarnan Nebula) 

A Simple Plan is a new addition in the past few weeks. I rediscovered The Spiritual Machines a few weeks ago and the lyric “How long can we hold off ending/How long can we pretend we're ok” hit me right in the Keith feels. So this one is in conjunction with the first verse of Nobody Gets Left Behind. The entire song actually reminds me of Dark Matter with how it’s centralized at one event but contains hints of other things (The truth arrived too slow).

Memories of a Girl I Haven't Met is maybe one standard year (so six earth months-ish?) after A Simple Plan. 

String Theory is... weird. It’s mostly there for the title, but the lyrics do contain themes found in other parts of the playlist that fit really well but don’t map to the event I associate the song with. It’s honestly about Shiro missing Adam and the rest of the people on Earth. Which, granted, given the point in the timeline the title is associated with makes a certain amount of sense but...idk. And the bit that begins with “You don’t believe in space” is about something entirely different. It’s confusing, but all inexplicably related to the title event.

Interesting fact: My Dark Matter drafts/ideas folder is actually split int pre- and post- String Theory folders. It was originally because String Theory is such a pivotal moment in the Coalition’s efforts, but it also ended up vaguely the middle of the timeline. It’s the point where things absolutely, truly, have no relation to what happens in canon. The butterfly effect stemming from the events of Shatterpoint (and an implied secondary shatterpoint in another fic) have changed things enough that apart from one general event, nothing happens the same way (and that event is for drastically different reasons). All in all, it fits the weird vibe of the song rather well.

Next is Belgrade, the Ultimate Klance Song, about three months later. Fun Shenanigans happen in conjunction with this absolute bop.

Here’s the surprisingly big gap of just over a standard Earth year, in which several important events happen that don’t have songs attached to them (Roentgen, maybe)

Then we get Birthright/Firewall, a set of songs about reclaiming yourself from the depths of hell with just a liiiiiitle bit of help from your family.

(It's time to take ahold of what belongs to me/It's time to walk away with no apologies/Voices in the mirror start quietly/And now they're screaming back at me!)

(This force knows what you can do/And what you can make/With your tattered shell)

Here Comes the Reign technically starts during Birthright/Firewall, but doesn’t come into full effect until a month later, and then even fuller around five months after that. Meanwhile, we have The Day the Earth Collapsed, which is rather self-explanatory.

A few months later there is Darker Matter. The fic connected to this is real weird, but also real important. Suffice to say it’s gonna be confusing, and a universe doesn’t like the Paladins for a while.

And then we have Closure. Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) is actually the first of four fics inspired by Closure’s chorus. (I also drew a picture for each fic. They’re combined into my desktop background, and the first one is still my phone background and my pfp) “I am the child from the stars/That got lost in the dark/Between heaven and hell/I am forced to live on/I am the cause when you sin/I am the demon you skin/But there is no more tears to beautify/This is my last goodbye”

Closure is a rather sad song actually, but the way I’ve interpreted it ends on a bright spot of hope. The first related fic I’ve already posted/talked about, the second would be around the time of A Simple Plan. The third is somewhere in the gap between Belgrade and Birthright/Firewall. I’ve placed Closure at the approximate time of the fourth fic. I actually just moved it while writing this, because I realized this makes more sense after Darker Matter and with the Fall of [Redacted]. I’ve chosen to interpret the last line as finally deciding to stay instead of the (probably more likely given the rest of the album) darker interpretations.

After Closure is Ember, which is actually super connected to Darker Matter which is why I originally had them next to each other. The thing is, all three of these songs are connected to very specific events, the latter two of which are in direct response to the first even if there is a month or two between them. Ember is on the playlist for two reasons: the first is the line “dark matter falling from the sky” that basically required me to put it somewhere; the second is the fact that I keep mishearing the lyrics. “chthonic” is not “cuthonic” (which is not a word, but I interpreted as meaning Cthulu-like) and it’s “riches to embers” not “witches to embers.” Make of that what you will.

And finally, after almost seven Earth years, we get to The Reckoning/This is a Call/World on Fire/Louder Than Words. The Reckoning sort-of picks up where The Day the Earth Collapsed left off, spanning at least a year before going full force into the frantic five days of the other three songs.

(In blood and tears/A thousand times/We rise against/We'll always hold the line/Of reckoning)

(This is a call to action/This is a call to arms/All lives for one, together/There are no false alarms)

(World on fire with a smoking sun/Stops everything and everyone/Brace yourself for all will pay/Help is on the way)

(We have the force to fight/We have the blinding light/A war is more than heard/Coming in louder than words)

[doginshoe]

The Thorn of a Rose

hello! This is a Valentine’s Day piece I wrote for a contest in my discord server. It’s a Nalu x Gruvia server so if you’d like to join I'll leave the link here Genre: fluff, lemon mentions, little hurt/comfort with Lucy being slightly sad, modern au

read on ff.net here

Lucy eyes flittered open as she stirred from sleep, her dull stare meeting wilted roses that were placed in a vase on her bedside table. The blonde removed her naked body from the sticky mess under the sheets and let her legs hang off the edge of the bed. The roses her father sent her stared at her in disgust - her bed mate not even stirring as she tore her gaze from them and padded her way across her apartment in the nude.

The shower washed away the slick feeling on her skin as she stepped into the boiling water. She scrubbed at the marks her fling had left and the dried up substance between her thighs that were the only remainder of their short and uneventful night. Well, for Lucy that was all it was. Another disappointing flirt from the bar that managed to sneak into her bed when she had drowned herself in alcohol. They were always the same.

Her eyes were heavy as she dressed herself, her cheeks sunken and void of colour making her look like death. She had tried to apply make up, but everyone in the office already knew what a sorry of an excuse for a woman she was so she stopped trying. It was near impossible to not hear the rumours that the younger receptionists whispered to each other. Lucy sighed, her father was right about one thing and that was that people did know just what type of girl she was - an easy pass after a bit of buttering up and a glass to drink.

When she left her bathroom her one night stand was gone, but Lucy was happy he had. It was almost torture when the white knights tried to stay to have breakfast and then insist that they’d see her again. Which they didn’t. It was even more degrading than being a simple quick fuck that was later forgotten about - like they were teasing her with the romance she could never even come close to having that was filled with second dates and something more than just sex.

It left a sour taste in the woman’s mouth that deepened her frown as she briskly walked to work. Though, that frown was nothing compared to the scowl that set itself in stone on her face as she got her morning coffee. Everything was fine until the cute young guy working the register called out a quick ‘Happy Valentines Day’ as she turned to leave.

It wasn’t necessarily the fact that he had mentioned it to her, but that he had reminded her that this Thursday was the holiday that she loathed. She knew it was coming - the roses from her father being a reminder that it was close as he sent flowers to her for every bloody holiday. To remind her that he was ready to accept her when she cleaned up her act. However, she had been so caught up in trying to disappear from her own life that she’d forgotten everything.

She looked around her and scoffed, the deep red foil balloon hearts mocking her for not noticing them as they lined basically every shop. Her heart coiled in on itself and it was hard to breathe as she realised just how many happy couples were around. It made her sick and she picked up her pace as she nearly jogged to the office - hoping to drown herself with some spiked coffee and then have a snooze at her desk, or a mental breakdown.

When Lucy reached the sanctuary of her desk, she blew a loud sigh of relief only to have her momentary peace interrupted by the sing song voice of her co worker and desk buddy, Juvia Lockser.

“Good morning~” she chirped as she peeked her head out from behind her computer but then gasped immediately when she laid eyes on the blonde that was slumped in front of her, “what happened, Lucy? Juvia thinks you look worse than usual.”

The exhausted woman looked up and blew strands of hair from her face as she shot Juvia an unappreciative stare.

“I’m just peachy thank you very much,” Lucy grumbled sarcastically. She loved Juvia, the woman she had been working with for almost two years, to bits but sometimes she was just too honest for her own good.

Juvia cheeks tinted when she realised how rude she sounded but she pushed past it, a huge smile forming on her face as her blue eyes took on a sparkly look as she nearly yelled, “Oh, and Happy Valentines Day!”

She was also just too damn happy as well.

Lucy wailed, “Please don’t mention it.” Her head hit the desk again, a whine escaping her as she wondered how hard she’d have to do it to be knocked out, or better yet dead.

“Juvia knows you are having a rough time since you’re last break up,” she sighed, “but today is not time to be sulking! We must set forth and sail and see where our hearts take us.” The desk buddy Lucy had cupped her cheeks as she got a dreamy look about her that made the blonde want to roll her eyes. The mention of her ex stung as the dark cloud rolled over her mind as she recalled how he had broken off their engagement just a month before the wedding.

“Well I don’t know where your boat is heading, but I hope mines into a ditch,” she murmured.

Juvia’s scolded her with a shake of her head. “I do hope you at least remembered a gift for the game of secret Valentine today.”

Lucy froze.

“I thought I asked to not be included in that shit,” she hissed as she leaned forward, eyebrows furrowed.

“Well,” Juvia said simply, “you have the pink card of who you’re meant to be getting something for on your desk.” Her blue eyes looked to the said pink card pinned to her stand up notice board along with many other documents and sticky notes.

Lucy reached for the envelope before ripping it open. Her face paling even more as she read the name of a man in the office scrawled in glittery silver cursive.

“Who the fuck is Max?” She asked bewildered at the woman across from her.

“Oh, he works on the upper floor close to maintenance,” Juvia stated. Her face wincing at Lucy’s foul language so early in the morning.

Lucy pulled at her hair as she groaned, “I don’t have anything!” The woman moped as her head once again slammed onto the wooden desk beneath her where it seemed to be taking up permanent residence. Why did she have to stuck in a stupid work game to buy some loser something. Did maintenance even count as co workers? All they did was keep the place tidy by sweep-

“I’ve got it!” She shouted before she quickly scurried out of her seat, whilst Juvia stared at her retreating form as if she had finally lost it.

.

.

.

Lucy cringed at the broom that was wrapped in newspaper and duct tape when she saw the many other presents that lined the offices pigeon holes where they collected mail or important documents from the bosses. Some had small pink boxes while others were stuffed with large bouquets and chocolates, but they all looked better than her disaster of a present no matter the effort they had put it in.

A sigh left her lips as she taped a large paper sign to the top of the broom that just read ‘MAX’ in capital letters. It wasn’t her fault, the blonde had specifically told the managers assistant Mira that she wanted no part in this stupid game! So with a shrug the blonde turned around to then crash right into someone.

A bag of chocolates fell to the floor and a cuss filled the air as the person tried to readjust their hand on the small bouquet of red and white carnations. Lucy immediately ducked down to help picked up the chocolates, lucky that only a few had spilled from the bag.

“Lucy!” he nearly shouted as she pushed the chocolate into his hand with the flowers, the other holding a hot takeaway cup of coffee that she was glad hadn’t spilt all over her.

“Uh, hi?” she muttered while she eyed him, his pink hair and dark green eyes not sparking anything familiar. She didn’t really know anyone that well in the office so she didn’t know how he had known her name. However, his sudden blush had her wanting to crawl into a hole.

Fuck, have I slept with this guy??

“I didn’t think you’d be at work this early,” he blurted as his eyes looked past her and at the many presents that filled up the pigeon hole.

Lucy’s eyebrows narrowed when she saw he wasn’t looking at her face. It made her angry that he couldn’t even give her enough respect to actually look at her when he spoke to her. Not to mention that the gifts that he held caused a spike of envy to shoot through her body.

“Listen here, buddy” she seethed while she stood up straighter, “I don’t know what we had but could you atleast grow up and treat me with a bit of respect.”

His eyes snapped to her’s in a surprised look. “What are you talking about, Lucy? You’ve really gotten even weirder since I saw you nearly beat up the front door.”

She blinked. Then again.

“Oh, Natsu!” she cried and he gave her a puzzled look. “I’m sorry I’ve had a really shit morning,” she pointed her thumb at the many presents behind her, “I completely forgot this entire thing was on and just, you know.”

“Is that broom wrapped in newspaper your present?”

“Yes.”

Natsu cheeks puffed as he tried to hold in his laughter, but lost it a second after as he bent over and nearly spilled his coffee all over the floor.

Lucy tried to look annoyed but the soft smile that pulled on her lips gave her away. She remembered him now. It had been a week after her fiance had called off the wedding. Lucy had taken time off work, but when she came back she would work overtime to try and distract herself from the cold and lonely apartment that she had to return home to. It was on one of those night where she had stayed back that Natsu ran into her trying to break the glass of the automatic doors because it wouldn’t open. After telling her to put the chair down and showing her the side door for night employees (the sliding doors were shut off after 7pm) they talked while they walked home and even stopped to get ice-cream together at the request of Natsu. Lucy hadn’t seen much of him since, only a grin and wave offered if they passed each other.

Lucy huffed, “I didn’t even ask to be in this! It was actually pretty smart last minute improvisation on my part if I do say so myself.”

Natsu grinned down at her, “No, you’re just a weirdo.”

The blonde’s eye twitched as she crossed her arms, “Well, sorry I’m not planning a highschool confession,” Lucy gestured to the gifts in his arm, “You look damn near ready to propose with all that cheesy stuff!”

“What?” his expression growing worried, “You don’t like this?”

A deep blush coated her cheeks as she turned away. An assortment of hand picked flowers and a bag full of different types of chocolate? No, Lucy didn’t like this. She loved it. Her inner child swooning at his nervous eyes and the pout that rested on his face.

“I mean,” she bit out, “What girl wouldn’t like that?” Her gaze soften, as she let go of the sour clip to her tone. It really wasn’t her place to put him down because of her own issues. “You did a good job.”

Natsu smiled, “Well that’s great because these are for you!” He said while pushing them into her arms.

“Happy Valentines Day!”

Her brown eyes bulged as she took the present.

“Oh, and I also booked us to go paintballing just cause you know… You don’t have to go, but eh yeah.”

She looked up at the sheepish young man as he scratched the back of his neck while looking away from her, digging his face in his scarf. It wasn’t like Lucy hadn’t received a valentine’s day present before, but her eyes watered as she looked back down to the soft petals of the carnations that he had given her. Maybe it was because there wasn’t no incentive that this was all to get her in bed with him, or maybe she had just been so wrapped in telling herself that there was nothing left for her in love that she had driven herself insane. Either way, Lucy couldn’t help the light feeling in her chest as she gave Natsu an ear splitting grin.

“I can’t wait to kick your ass.”

Natsu looked up, eyes wide. “Seriously? Yosh! I’m all fired up.”

Lucy laughed and teased him while they walked out of the break room, both with large smiles on their faces before getting back to their respective desks.

And when she finished work she would go home and dance around her apartment to sappy songs instead of down at the club. She would wash her sheets and hum with delight as she cooked herself dinner. The wilted roses would be in the bin and while she went to sleep the carnations would be in the vase on her bedside table - to be blooming bright the next morning as she opened her eyes and a smile would force its way on her face.

And Lucy would be happy.

I hope you liked it! Thank you UwU

[comicteaparty]

September 23rd-September 29th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from September 23rd, 2019 to September 29th, 2019.  The chat focused on Neguri-Senpai by Neguri Senpai.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Neguri-Senpai by Neguri Senpai~! (http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until September 29th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Of all the strips in the comic, which joke/scenario did you find particularly relatable in terms of what it’s like to be at school or crushing on someone? In what ways did it make you reflect on life or how media portrays these situations?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Given the comic features a lot of pop culture references, which of those has been your favorite so far? What about it really made you smile, and what do you think the comic can teach us in terms of how pop culture can be used for comedy?

mariah (rainy day dreams)

1. My favorite scenes have been where Aoi tries to recreate Neguri-senpai in various forms of media. I found the video game one particularly funny X') I really like the contrast of how proud Aoi is of her creation but how off they are from the original. It reminds me of how much I loved all my badly drawn husbando fan art as a kiddo. http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/02/neguri-senpai-new-game.html?m=1 2. I think Aoi's eavesdropping and creeping on Sana when it comes to Neguri-senpai is pretty relatable. I definitely have felt a similar anxiety about perceived romantic rivals in the past. I think the strip where it turns out Sana was just talking about her cat is a really good example of this. http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/01/neguri-senpai-what-did-you-just-say.html?m=1 As far as reflecting on life and media goes, while I think the feeling captured rings true to life, it also makes me kind of bummed that these two's relationship is just fighting over a guy (who I assume is unattainable since he's a teacher? But then again who knows since it's playing on manga tropes). I feel like that kind of angst is common for the teenage girl experience, but I also wonder if part of that is because it's a trope that's so reinforced by media that it just becomes expected. Anyways, two girls fighting over a guy makes me sad if I think about it too long. This has been my TED talk.

3. I think Sana is my favorite character. Maybe exclusively for her goth socks XD Aoi is also very good. 4. Man, my only experience with JoJo is the one episode I watched and all the Twitter memes so I feel like most of those jokes are probably lost on me TuT I do really love whenever someone yells NANI??? though XD I laughed a little every time reading through. I also don't get a lot of the coding jokes, but the ones I do understand have really landed home

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite composition in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Do you believe that Aoi will ever be able to date Neguri Senpai? If so, how do you imagine that would happen? If not, how do you think the comic will comedically resolve Aoi’s crush on Neguri Senpai?

RebelVampire

1) My favorite strip so far I think is this one http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/08/neguri-senpai-alone-on-roof.html where Aoi is suspiciously summoned to the roof but whoops, nope, it's just for a picture. I really like how this strip plays with the Japanese school roof trope cause it makes the comedic payoff that much sweeter when it's not any romantic or delinquent things. 2) A strip I found super relatable about going to school was this one http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/07/neguri-senpai-finals.html where all the girls are discussing whether or not they failed a test. I think basically everyone has done that after a test, regardless of confidence, so it's just one of those moments that I think is universally connecting. I do not miss the stress of worrying about passing or failing a test. XD In terms of reflection, it did make me think that of all the school tropes media messes up, this is actually one that is very spot on to what real life is like, which is pretty rare. Yet, makes for good comedy because of this quality of being universally relatable.

3) My favorite character at the moment is probably Aoi. I just like how earnest she is, how crazy day dreamy, and how enthusiastic she is. It's the perfect combo where even her personality flaws really seem endearing, so I want to see her achieve happiness. 4) My favorite so far was this one where Aoi thought of Speedwagon: http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/05/neguri-senpai-i-need-man-like-that.html While I don't know a whole lot about Jojo having been banned from watching it, my boyfriend really loves Jojo. So through him there is one fact I do know, and that's Speedwagon is a beloved character. So it really made me smile to see this show up in the comic and be proven true. XD In terms of what the comic teaches about how pop culture can be used for comedy, I think the biggest lesson is that it's a double-edged sword. If the people know what it being referenced, immediately creates that connection that's needed for comedy. But on the flip side, all those references will fall flat if the person doesn't know the references. So it's great to use, but also gonna be hitting some really niche audiences.

5) My fave composition is the last panel from this strip http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/03/neguri-senpai-judgement.html WHat can I saw? I'm a big fan of angles and the whole dark overshadow thing to bring that nice oppressive atmosphere. It really sells the joke. 6) Until the end of the comic, I think the only date Aoi will get will be a joke one. Like one of those ones where she tots think she's going on a date but nah, Neguri Senpai just wanted her for some mundane reason. Like running errands for the school. But I do feel overall if and when the comic ends, it'll be on a happy note with Aoi getting with Neguri Senpai. If only cause there is no comedic rival yet after Aoi.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Of the fourth wall breaks in the comic, which one did you find the most interesting and why? In what ways were this comic’s fourth wall breaks unique compared to other comic’s that do it?

Ash🦀

1. I actually really loved the lovingly recreated video game version of Neguri-San who dies five minutes later, as I found it to be the most relatable. I too take five hundred hours in character creation only to remember I have no hand-eye coordination. Also, I was quite glad when they showed Neguri-San’s younger self, because until that moment I thought he was another student and so I was quite confused. Not the dynamic I personally go for but it cleared up so much of my confusion. 2. When they’re all on the beach comparing bodies and Aoi’s like “but how will I compete with someone built so beautiful?” Man that was a MOOD. Been in a committed relationship almost 9 years though so I guess I figured it out. Also, if that’s foreshadowing Aoi’s eventual fall for Sana, that would be the best. 3. Sana is my favorite, because she plays off Aoi so well and seems like a capable and headstrong young woman. She’s really fun to watch. 4. The speed wagon joke was hilarious and you cannot change my mind. Also, wish I understood a lick of coding. 5. The strip when Aoi and Sana were in the classroom and Aoi was staring menacingly? Honestly? The best use of comedic tension that I saw. 6. I highly doubt it. She’s a student, and while it’s cute of her to have a crush, it would be inappropriate for it to be reciprocated. 7. I really enjoy Sana and Aoi interacting. I find their rivalry the most interesting, because Sana seems the most capable rival. She’s smart, she’s driven, and it’ll probably come to a final showdown with her. Also, her stand actually got me to nose exhale, which doesn’t sound like much, but before noon it is a monumental feat. I’d love to see them more directly interacting rather than talking about each other. and heck, maybe they’ll be the couple in the end. Love a good rivals to something more story. 8. Honestly I’m not too big a fan of wall breaks, but it does give me a chuckle every time they blame the author.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. The comic also features a lot of references to computer science and programming, so which of those has been your favorite? Alternatively, which concepts do you wish you understood more to get the joke?

The Q

9. I think the layout is really funny. This comic wouldn't have worked as well with a "traditional" print-style format. The jokes are well-paced, too, something we don't often think about when we (well, I) read commics! 10. WHAT ARE STICKY KEYS FOR? I know them as the annoying suggestion that pops up everytime I use my shift key too much... In general, I can feel a lot of the programming jokes fly right over my head, which is too bad, but that probably just means that I wasn't ever the intended target audience anyway. And that's okay. Honorable mention: the last panel of this strip http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/08/neguri-senpai-animal-friendly.html is adorable!

RebelVampire

7) I think I enjoy seeing Aoi interact with Sana. They just have a really cute but funny comedic rivalry that is enjoyable to see unfold. Even when they aren't directly talking to one another their attitudes towards each other is pretty entertaining in itself, which is always a good sign. 8) I really enjoy the merch plug strip http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/06/neguri-senpai-what-big-number.html if only because Aoi's face and reaction to that is hilarious and seeing Neguri Senpai enthusiastic about something just...it's laughs all around. Which while there are certainly comic's that do fourth wall breaks like this for self promo, I find this comic to be a bit unique just cause of its execution of the comedy. It doesn't really toe the line with what it is (which is something I see a lot), so I appreciate the energy of upfront in the face nature about it.

9) I really like all the little programming inserts in the comic. Like a lot fo the jokes surrounding them are so specific that I think for a lot of people they fly under the radar. But I like the accuracy for them. It's like that sort of niche inclusion that doesn't hurt the other comedy but really adds a nice chuckle factor for when you do recognize the joke being made. 10) And speaking of the above, my favorite one was definitely this one: http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/03/neguri-senpai-judgement.html I have been on both sides of that situation before, and like the accuracy is on point. You're always going to judge people for their code editor of choice regardless of language involved. But I like that even if you don't specifically understand that part about it, it's still relateable in that one of them is being singled out for a potentially bad choice in a comedic manner. So just all around, A+ for that strip.

snuffysam

Oh man, this comic is a lot of fun. I think this was the joke I laughed the hardest just due to the nonchalant pacing of it - http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/2019/01/neguri-senpai-what-did-you-just-say.html My favorite character is probably Neguri. He's seen as this god by all the girls, yet he's awkward and almost a literal blank slate character. That sort of subtle humor is just really funny to me, so he's my pick.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Of Aoi’s rivals for Neguri Senpai, which one do you find the most interesting, especially in regards to their dynamic with Aoi? What other sorts of rivals are you hoping to see?

snuffysam

I think the comic's biggest strength is, for lack of a better word, how bizarre it is. Like the comic does have recurring themes of course (programming jokes, pop culture references, parodies of the school romance genre), but in terms of each individual strip I have no way of predicting what'll happen next.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. In general, what other sorts of comedic gags are you hoping to see in the comic? Alternatively, where are you hoping the loose story found within the comic goes?

RebelVampire

11) I have to agree with @snuffysam here on strengths. I think the comic is just extremely unique. Like individually you can find aspects in other comics, but all together it makes for a one-of-a-kind experience you cant really predict. And unpredictability is good for this sort of comic since its keeps things interesting. 12) It's definitely gotta be Sana imo. I think even if Neguri wasn't in the picture, they'd be destined rivals who would compete over everything. Yet they're both equally kind of exaggerated in personality in ways I would not peg for the typical sort of girl rivalry you see for school comics like this. In terms of other rivals, I hope Aoi has to deal with like a secret admirer one so that she can't exactly confront that rival. Maybe go the mystery detective route trying to figure out who it is.

13) I'm looking forward to more A+ programming jokes. They have some catching up to do if they want to compete with all the Jojo references. But also as I've complimented them, I just overall enjoy them a lot. 14) I'm actually hoping to see more gags with that one rival (whose name i forget) who is extremely blunt and vulgar about her intentions towards Neguri. Just the concept super entertains me, so I'm really hoping she gets to be in more gags that involve wordplays and stuff.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Neguri-Senpai this week! Please also give a special thank you to Neguri Senpai for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Neguri-Senpai, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://neguri-senpai.blogspot.com/

Neguri Senpai’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/negurisenpai

Neguri Senpai’s Merch Shop: https://streamlabs.com/negurisenpai/merch

Neguri Senpai’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/NeguriSenpai

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/24/2018: HEREDITARY

I am not ready to talk about HEREDITARY. I tried it when it came out in June, and while I think I hit all the points that were important for mass audiences, I wasn’t really ready then either, to say what I wanted to say. It isn’t because it’s so unusually beautiful, which it is. It isn’t because it’s “the scariest movie ever made”, which it is not, although it intermittently reaches seldom-seen heights of horror. It also isn’t because, contrary to popular belief, it is deeply flawed, with certain understandable markers of being someone’s first feature. It is because it feels so profoundly personal to me, even while I know that this is a not-uncommon reaction to Ari Aster’s breakout debut. It doesn’t make me special that I would take this film about grief, guilt, mental illness, genetic disorder, and irresolvable family friction so personally, but as usual, I have something I need to say about it. My experience with the movie tells me something, not about why we need HEREDITARY, but why we need art.

                                                                         (spoilers abound)

This story, about a woman who recently lost her seriously disturbed mother, and who subsequently loses her also-disturbed daughter to a car wreck caused by her teenage son, has been accused of emotional exploitation by some. HEREDITARY is aggressively harrowing, with interminably protracted suspense, teasingly dense shadows, and a constant unnatural drone that characterizes everything you see, however mundane, as malignantly abnormal. Most audiences may accept this kind of brutality when it is buffered by a fantastical metaphor, as with an EXORCIST or a SHINING. You can scare someone half to death, as long as you reassure them that whatever they’ve seen probably isn’t going to happen to them, even if it reminds them of something that did, or could. If you just make people feel bad, however, they may turn on you. This is Ari Aster’s big mistake, if you want to call it that; I know parents who refuse to watch the movie, due to its infamous scene of violence against a child. It’s easy to see why any reasonable person might want to opt out of this unusually shocking scene, in which young Milly Shapiro is accidentally decapitated while her teenage brother races her to the hospital, after having neglectfully caused her need for a hospital trip in the first place. But, I think it also calls into question the place for and purpose of the artist’s contract with the audience. This concept usually refers to the unspoken promise that a filmmaker makes to his viewers, that whatever happens in the movie, even if it is confrontational, will fall within the bounds of what the viewers basically expect when they buy their tickets. It means something like, when a family-oriented entertainment producer like Disney adapts a Grimm Brothers fairy tale, the audience won’t have to see the huntsman eviscerate an animal to get his ersatz proof that he has killed Snow White, and they won’t have to see Cinderella’s wicked stepsisters mutilate their own feet to try to fit the glass slipper. Part of the problem many people have with HEREDITARY is that Ari Aster’s contract with his audience is a little unclear. It blends psychodrama about irresolvable family issues that can hit way too close to the literal home for any ordinary person, with the unthinkable but entirely doable desecration of the human body, with outrageous supernatural horrors that, while scary as hell, can seem preposterous in light of the more terrestrial torments that have gone before.

To try to be more succinct, which is difficult with such a complex film, my own problem with HEREDITARY is that it contains metaphors for real-world elements that are already in the movie. To go back to the example of THE EXORCIST: Regan’s transformation from an innocent child into a vile self-abusing demon serves as a ready metaphor for puberty, mental illness, addiction, and really anything that turns your loved one into someone you no longer recognize. Writer Peter Blatty sets this up beautifully by using banal troubles like drafts in the house or parental antagonism as agents that weaken Regan’s defenses against the forces of darkness, just as they can weaken the average person’s defenses against depression or alcoholism--the things that warp them away from their best, or at least, most socially acceptable self. HEREDITARY gets itself into a sticky spot by giving Toni Collete a family history of emotional and physical violence, schizo-affective disorder, alienation, and neglect that is as convincing as can be, and then throwing a comparatively flimsy (however great-looking) metaphorical tarp over all that in the form of witchcraft and demonic possession. A similar problem occurs in Boots Riley’s otherwise excellent SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, where he stages the action in a world--our world, however surreally dressed up--that turns on an axis of slave labor, and then he concludes his story with an outsized metaphor for slave labor. I wouldn’t really kick anything in either of these movies out of bed, at the end of the day; I’m just saying that it gets a little awkward when you craft this grandiose metaphor for a legitimately terrifying real-world thing, while that thing happens to be standing right there in the room with the metaphor. 

Anyway. It is interesting to note that while the movie seems to have hurt a lot of people’s feelings based on their own contemporary reality, its spiritual DNA has been active for hundreds of years. Witchery has been a handy metaphor for, or even out-and-out "explanation” for, mental illness in women throughout history. (Ok, so it’s been an excuse for LOTS of things that have happened to or around women throughout history, but I only have so much space!) In HEREDITARY, Toni Collette describes her recently deceased mother as being extraordinarily private, having “private rituals” and even “private friends”, which we soon realize were signs of her being a devil worshiper. However, in some ways, mother and daughter are not so different. Where the mother practiced dark arts, Collette is a successful gallery artist. Her hyperreal dioramas seem like metaphorical expressions of her feelings toward her insane and abusive parent, but as we find out along the way, they are entirely realistic descriptions of actual things that have actually happened in her life--including the notorious car crash, but also things like the mother trying to force her breast on her infant granddaughter, which we later learn was part of an effort to implant Milly Shaprio with a demon. Shapiro, who inhabits a Baba Yaga-like treehouse in the yard, is also an artist, crafting twisted-looking dolls out of refuse and carrion, and like her mother, she also has unwitting witchy inclinations, perceiving grim specters and ill omens all around. Notably, no one outside the maternal bloodline perceive these things, and it seems that male members only perceive them when being supernaturally attacked. While Toni Collete and Milly Shapiro both use handcrafted art to process the trauma handed down to them by their maternal ancestor, all three women participate (knowingly or otherwise) in an ancient artistic tradition that, for some, amounts to a legitimate religion--but for many others, especially in the modern world, it is a way of dealing with feelings of impotence and subjugation. A sense of disappointment, worthlessness, and damnation plagues the women at the center of HEREDITARY, whether it involves Toni Collette’s complaint that her family blames her for all of their misfortunes, or her accusing her teenage son Alex Wolff of failing to acknowledge his responsibility for his sister’s death, or his sister ominously remarking that her grandmother’s doting attitude disguised the matriarch’s attempts to control or deform her--”She wanted me to be a boy,” Shapiro mutters, and we’ll find out she specifically wanted the child to be a boy vessel for a boy demon (about which, more later). HEREDITARY depicts a family out of control, who cannot escape the fate that has been devised for them, but who have adopted some interesting, literally artful means of trying to synthesize feelings of power.

HEREDITARY begins to fall apart, not as much because of its indecisive attitude toward fantasy and realism, as because of its last act left turn away from its heretofore cogent discussion of the disenfranchisement of women, and the guilt women live with when they fall short of their clan’s desires for strong sons, good little girls, or perfect mothers who serve their people instead of serving themselves. Make no mistake: Alex Wolff, who delivers an above-and-beyond performance as an average young man who is alienated by his freak sister and unstable mother, is always at the center of the film. The guilt he acquires from being an unwilling murderer is as potent as anything I think I’ve ever seen in a movie. So, it isn’t that this male experience of disappointing your family, and also feeling victimized by their very existence, is absent from the first leg of the story. It’s that when the film finally tries to make sense of itself, by revealing that Toni Collette’s mother intended to offer one of her male progeny as a vessel for a masculine entity that would bring her great wealth...well, it sort of flies in the face of the psychological depths we’ve plumbed up to that point. For one thing, the movie’s title suggests a singular focus on the intergenerational passing-down of trauma and blame, and the collection of damaged women to whom we’re immediately introduced are obvious experts in this matter. It doesn’t quite work when the story vacillates between sympathizing with these doomed females, and then sympathizing with a young man’s fear and loathing of adult women, who he perceives as irrational and castrating. And how is it possible that the profound mystery surrounding the family’s progressive ruin is rooted in something as shallow as money? I tried to develop a theory that it works as the final insult of any familial loss--that death is incredibly expensive to manage, and inheritance can be just burdensome as it is a blessing--but I don’t know, there’s not enough on the table for me to make a meal out of.

Setting aside the idea of sacrificing your son to a money demon, though, one can say that even if HEREDITARY is a little unsteady in its construction, the individual components are solid. And here I don’t just mean compelling, but also, real. This is the reason I people are so bothered by HEREDITARY--that it tells the truth in a much more direct manner than most audiences expect of a supernatural horror film. While that may be an unwelcome experience, it may be more helpful to think of this unpleasantness as a gift that art can give us.  This kind of nasty confrontation with trauma is important for an individual’s personal development, integrity, and self-knowledge. The more demandingly exhibitionistic a movie is, the better chance we have to untangle ourselves from the billowing curtain of metaphor and anthropological generality, and to be purified by the excoriating light of realism--not the artistic genre, but actual contact with reality. 

Here we find my own big reveal, my left turn away from what my previous paragraphs have led you to expect. Let me tell you about my mother. My mother was an enormously popular person. Extremely sharp, funny, fashionable, cultured--all things that help keep one’s private persona in the shadows. A prolific artist, she created hyperreal paintings and drawings from miniatures, like toys and model train props, that represented an exaggerated simulation of reality. Much of her work was about female pageantry, social expectations of women, or the chintzy objects that littered the lives of 1950s and 60s housewives, like kitschy bric-a-brac and tawdry paperbacks. People absolutely loved her for her taste, her humor, her ability to express herself. She did not like me. This was so true that, even without a history of physical abuse, that her peers sometimes say things to me that reveal their awareness of the facts of our relationship, or lack thereof. I hear things like, “Your mother loved you, you know!”, in a tone of voice that suggests that they know this would be late breaking news, without ever having asked me how I feel or what I think. From the earliest age, I seemed to refuse to meet the expectations people have of their children: I hated to be touched, I cried endlessly, I quaked with anxiety and a nameless guilt day and night, I burned with an aimless anger. I could draw, and did so compulsively, but nothing nice or bright. I was acutely aware of sexuality, violence, vanity, and shame. I was no fun whatsoever. Later in life--very recently in life, actually--I discovered that I have two important, inherent qualities: One, that I have a genetic inability to process copper properly, a mineral that is psychoactive and can make you pretty unhinged in large quantities. Two, that I suffer from a form of Autism Spectrum Disorder, a range of mental conditions that have been historically ignored in women, largely because of misogynist prejudices that society holds about essentially-female dysfunctionality. Unfortunately for me, my mother died when I was a teenager, almost two decades before I would find out these things that might have made her more tolerant of me. 

Fortunately, I guess, I think I know why my mother took such an exception to me, and it isn’t all about me. It’s about her mother. My maternal grandmother was also an artist of sorts, but more in terms of artifice. I haven’t decided whether it is fair for me to spill all of the details of a story that belongs to more people than myself, but I will go so far as to say that my maternal great-grandparents meted out trauma and shame in a manner that my grandmother allowed to contribute to her painful estrangement from her sister. For my purposes, what it really did was teach my mother that darkness--any kind of darkness, even darkness that belongs to you and you alone, that you have a right to, that should be yours to process as you see fit--is inappropriate. It is just as inappropriate in adults as it is in children, which she would see very clearly in her mother’s strict orchestration of their household into an unimpeachably pure, Rockwellian model of what an American family should be like. While my mother found her way into the revolutionary world of hippie rebellion and art-making, she never let go of her prohibition against sadness and rage, even in her own child, and I suffered from it until she suddenly, rapidly and gruesomely died of lung cancer when I was barely old enough to drive. Afterward, her mother obsessed over me in a way that was simultaneously scathingly intense and unmistakably impersonal. I looked like my mother, and my grandmother’s identity was rooted entirely in dominating a family, so she couldn’t do without me. I couldn’t let her know anything about myself; my feelings about horror, pornography, death taboos, sexual identity, and media that is out to hurt you, are what make up all that I am, and are the opposite of everything she believes in. With that weight on my back, I had to pretend that we had this archetypal American familial intimacy, even when I didn’t have it with my own mother, even when I hated being touched, even when I hadn’t learned how to receive affection. Early this year, she died at 90 years old from a misdiagnosed colon condition. As my family rushed to her side to say goodbye, we discovered that her shadowy sister had pushed her doctors into lifesaving measures that would have extended her existence into something so horrific that it would have stood up to the ugliest scenes from JACOB’S LADDER, had she not miraculously died before regaining consciousness. As perversely relieving as that was, my ears ring with the sound of her last phone call to me. Intended to be a heartfelt goodbye, it devolved quickly into the woman, completely possessed of her mental faculties, absolutely screaming for her life. It was a sound as chilling as anything from any of the sadistic movies I love so well, and I really heard it, in my real life.

This all would be enough to make me talk the way that I do, but it isn’t all. Recently, my father revealed to me some details of my mother’s struggle with cancer that I had never heard before. Although my mother had been told to go straight home and make her peace upon diagnosis, she and my father plunged full bore into magical thinking. They experimented with hypnosis, acupuncture, reiki, anything that might activate my mother’s internal ability to heal herself. Soon they found themselves in the office of a charismatic self-help guru-type in a neighboring city. Incidentally, this person is now at the center of an increasingly bizarre trial that is slated to begin this January, due to her authoritative involvement with a Scientology-like cult that allegedly maintains a secret inner circle of brand-wielding sex slavers. But anyway, back to my little memoir: It isn’t clear to me what she claimed was the scope of her powers exactly, but I know that she specialized in a form of “healing” that involved hypnosis and carefully selected words, I suppose not unlike a magical incantation. She said to my mother: “I am going to heal you.” The reason she said this so forcefully, was that my mother was the physical double of a previous client of hers; a client who died from the same specific form of lung cancer that plagued my mother; and who lived in the house we had moved into, only months before my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. That woman died, we moved into her house, and by pure coincidence, my subsequently sick mother found herself in the office of the self-styled healer who had treated the previous owner of our new home for the very same illness. “God has given me a second chance,” the healer said, “and I am going to heal you.” My mother saw her for several months, until one day she arrived to find a third woman in the office. Astoundingly, the healer described the young coed as having supernatural gifts. The two instantly began terrorizing my mother, screaming at her and cursing her. My mother, sobbing hysterically, begged to know, “Why are you yelling at me?” and they replied, “WE’RE NOT YELLING AT YOU, WE’RE YELLING AT THE CANCER!” When he told the story, of course, my father accidentally said “demon”, not “cancer”, but in any case, they were trying to exorcize her. My mother never went back, and, some might remark, she died.

Naturally, I wanted to tell this story to anyone who would listen to me, as soon as I had heard it. It was one of the weirdest things I had ever heard, and it happened to my family. While some people’s jaw dropped in exactly the way mine had originally, I received some unexpected feedback, too. On some occasions, a dear friend would pause at the end of my story, make a calculated “surprise” sound, and then, very gently, explain to me that coincidences exist, self-hypnosis and group hysteria exist, and I shouldn’t take any of it too seriously. I found myself, not just disappointed, but embarrassed. I wasn’t trying to tell people that I believed my family was cursed by god or the devil, or that we had been molested by some evil sorceress. I was simply trying to say that, somehow...isn’t there some kind of spiritual truth to this? Isn’t it worth remarking on, that my life, my history, had congealed into such an incredible metaphor for itself? Isn’t it so much more compelling than any kind of fiction I could ever have written, any artwork I could ever have created in order to process the exact kind of trouble my family has suffered? Isn’t this just amazing, all by itself, without even the benefit of theatrical interpretation? Of course, the conclusion will be that I absolutely have to give this some kind of theatrical interpretation, or else I will go out of my mind. I’m close enough as it is. But, in some ways, I felt like this interpretation has already happened at the hands of Ari Aster, with his horrific fable about how inherited trauma among generations of women gives way to the machinations of a corrupt cult. People who know me well will realize that I’m still leaving out parallels between HEREDITARY and myself, in this already too-long piece of analysis. But I guess what I’m trying to say for now is that I need HEREDITARY, and we each need a HEREDITARY of our own to put our most unspeakable experiences on a pin, under a spotlight, inside a bell jar, to be examined from every angle and exactingly diagnosed, whether we like it or not.

[thesignsdaily]

Extroverted and introverted versions of the signs

EXTROVERTED ARIES: Talks to everybody, even the people that they don't like. Smiles a lot, loves shopping and travelling, loves partying, can't keep them at one place when they're out at night. They have to visit all the nightclubs and bars. Loves shopping and dresses colourfully most of the time, but can be really competitive at times which makes them even mean. A big foodie and can't get enough of anything they do

INTROVERTED ARIES: Speaks only to their mom, wishes everyone else could just die because they hate everybody, but is actually very VERY nice to people. Loves cats and inspiring quotes but can be a real backstabbing bitch. Even though they're introverted, they still love being the most popular one

EXTROVERTED TAURUS: Talks to everyone about everything, can sit with a serial killer and have a normal conversation. Spends millions of dollars on food and coffee, hugs every animal they see on the street, has LOTS of friends, but tends to forget some of their friends because they constantly make new friends and don't have the ability to keep control over the communication with all of their friends

INTROVERTED TAURUS: Very passive, VERY LAZY, doesn't want to get out of bed, loves watching films and TV series, loves listening to music alone or with their partner, very caring and kind, loves animals and they think that they have the hidden magical ability to communicate with animals while it seems like they're just being foolish talking to every pet of their friends

EXTROVERTED GEMINI: Very communicative, a literal drama queen, has tons of acquaintances but hates almost everybody and almost everybody hates them. Has like only 3 real friends who do not use the Gemini because this Gemini simply doesn't know when to shut up. Talks to everyone and can be really bitchy at times. Doesn't know how to keep secrets and spreads gossip and rumors like 104% of the time. Loves shopping and art, but also loves hoeing around to death. Also, loves champagne - be it cheap or expensive, it just needs to be champagne (preferably pink).

INTROVERTED GEMINI: Loves staying in bed all day, twittering, sitting on tumblr and instagram and basically every single social media. Really talented but for like very strange things. Doesn't like eggs. Gets bored of people very often and can't stand staying with another person in the same room for more than 20 minutes. Constantly wants to go home but when they go home they don't know why the hell they went home - they realized that they liked staying outside better. Has a very interesting blog, tries to stay healthy and always tries to start their life anew, but they just can't give up on their vices, especially smoking. Loves comfort and velvet clothing. Likes reading magazines and loves the fashion world but they have no clue how to dress because they're too anxious about their choices. Their mind is so fast and they learn quickly

EXTROVERTED CANCER: Literally a SPAMMER. Spams everybody in real life too, not only on social media. Obsessed with anime and japanese things. Likes k-pop. Thinks they're the master but can be really boring sometimes because they just can't stop talking about topics that nobody is interested in. But very pure and good. Gets kinda hellish when they're angry, they can't control their temper even 1%. Really strong physically and doesn't get sick very often. Loves their friends and their family and always gives GREAT advice. Obsessed with cats and dogs and animals in global

INTROVERTED CANCER: Always draws some cute anime things on their notebooks, really intelligent but just can't study because they can't stay focused because they overthink everything. Really intense emotions but seems unemotional because they don't even show 20% of their emotions. Has like only 1 or 2 friends, 3 tops. Loves their mom and is really connected with her. Has some hidden talents that nobody knows about, like, making pancakes or some weird shit that you could have never thought of. A really good cook

EXTROVERTED LEO: Gets on the verge of a nervous breakdown if they're not the center of attention. REALLY intelligent and learns really fast but there are things that they just can't learn, like, maths or some specific subject that makes them seem stupid. But they're not stupid, they're just over-enthusiastic about everything. Rolls their eyes very often and acts really bossy all the time. Loves people and loves visiting their friends and relatives. Doesn't like to get abused and manipulated while they use and manipulate people on a daily basis, just for fun. But can be easily manipulated into something, even if they're aware of that, because their pride doesn't let them "lose". Likes reading books and doesn't understand paintings. Thinks they're a good leader while they might lead people to hell .... just for fun.

INTROVERTED LEO: A cinnamon roll too pure for this world, learns things really quickly and loves helping people. They're a really good supporter. Totally connected to their cat and thinks their cat is secretly a human being or a miracle. Idolizes things and people. Quite afraid of things most of the time and really, really socially anxious but doesn't show it because their pride doesn't let them. But it can be obvious sometimes, believe me. Likes having long conversations with their friends, but has only one or two friends so they literally can't stop talking or typing when they're alone with their friend. Doesn't let their parents find out anything about themselves and makes everybody watch their favourite tv show

EXTROVERTED VIRGO: Really communicative and organized, a great leader, full of knowledge, doesn't really show their emotions by keeping a poker face most of the time. A really good supporter and knows how to lead people on the right way. A very good teacher in life. You can learn a lot from them. Their capabilities know no boundaries. Very, very intelligent and ambitious but not power-hungry... well, ok, sometimes. Really enthusiastic about the topic they're talking about but doesn't want anyone to find out that they're obsessed with that particular thing. Loves coffee and loves food. Always achieves their goals and it's mostly done the hard way

INTROVERTED VIRGO: Their mind is chaos, just unbearable. Certainly NOT organized, doesn't even know where they're going when they get out of their house. Hates most people and thinks that most people hate them, but really chill when they're outside with their friends. Just doesn't know how to communicate with people properly and they're really, really obsessed with themselves. They have a higher opinion on themselves (read egotistic). Intelligent but doesn't know how to use their intelligence and they always refuse advice

EXTROVERTED LIBRA: Communicative af, even when they don't know what they're talking about. Has knowledge in all spheres of life and is a really sweet cinnamon roll too pure for this world. Tons of emotions and needs constant reminders to stay organized like sticky notes and stuff. Has interesting style and has the best eyebrows. Really appealing and beautiful, both physically and mentally. Likes seeming normal just because they're keeping their kinky self for their partner. Really good in bed and really intelligent. Very, VERY committed once they find the true love of their life but can be a fuckboy/fuckgirl when they haven't found their true love because they love experimenting with people and is aware that they can get the most beautiful boyfriends and girlfriends

INTROVERTED LIBRA: Loves books and shopping and is really organized. Likes pastel colours and loves cats. Behaves like royalty and wants to be admired. REally feminine. A dreamy girl/boy who wants to find their soulmate. Enjoys coffee, tea, long walks and deep conversations. Likes staring through their window and is often absent-minded, daydreams a lot. Really good, genuine and kind. Cries after somebody hurts them but always forgives people and is really not combative. Likes poetry and loves speaking in public, although they're an introvert

EXTROVERTED SCORPIO: Loves meeting new people and can really be successful but often wastes that potential on getting drunk, partying, love and sex. But still, dazzles with their appearance and is really hot. Hides their low self-confidence by manipulating people and hurting others just to feel good and in control. Really loyal to the people who are their TRUE friends but often tends to skip going out with their friends because there's some diCc/puSsi on the plate. But still, loyal to death and never hesitates to reach their hand and help a friend in need of help. Can be really problematic and chaotic because they're unorganized but they live in their own world and know that everything is going to be okay

INTROVERTED SCORPIO: Way too socially anxious and doesn't care about anyone hurting their emotions. Really depressed most of the time but forgets about their depression when they're with their friends. They don't have too many friends because they're introverted af and they don't know how to communicate with people in public. Can be quite inappropriate but always knows how to make others laugh. Will act as a clown if it helps a friend to stop being sad. Really intelligent and rarely uses their intelligence and potential because they're busy eating tasty food while playing video games or watching movies. They're even socially awkward with animals - that's how far it goes with introverted people with this sign. But not to be mistaken, they're really good and emotional but they don't like showing their emotions in front of people, they think it makes them weak SADasd

EXTROVERTED SAGITTARIUS: Emotional as fuck. They're emotions are chaos and they're so fucking introverted that everybody can see what's going on in their life. In fact, they LOVE exposing themselves. Really physically beautiful, popular and active on social media. Has great aesthetics and is obsessed with shopping. Acts like royalty and loves commanding people. A little bit self-centered and egotistic and think that they're always right, so when somebody doesn't accept their opinion they instantly start raging about it

INTROVERTED SAGITTARIUS: Loves bossing people around, even though they're an introvert. Hates showing their emotions and can be a really big manipulator at times. However, very emotional and one of the biggest fighters there are. Really, REALLY intense. You don't want to see them getting mad. They can easily hurt you but you can easily hurt them too because they're fragile as fuck on the inside, but they will never admit that you've hurt them in any way because they're proud as fuck so nobody is messing with the queen

EXTROVERTED CAPRICORN: Really funny and interesting, talks to everybody about everything. Always says what's on their mind and loves buying unique things. Doesn't have good grades but that doesn't mean that they're unintelligent or stupid. On the contrary. Very intelligent and daydreams a lot, loves telling jokes and has a fucked up sense of humor. So unique. Loves money but doesn't like to admit it lmao. Very artistic and loves philosophy, animals, nature, music and languages. A fair player most of the time and knows how to support their friends. Selfless on the outside, selfish on the inside. Also, loves cooking some strange things which usually taste very weird but in a good way

INTROVERTED CAPRICORN: Doesn't speak at all and just sits there waiting for the world to end. You really just can't make them say a word because they're a little bit self-centered and they think that they don't have to waste their time talking to unimportant people about unimportant things. However, they can get really silly sometimes and burst off, even though they're an introvert. Can't stop talking about things they love, it's really strange how such a person who doesn't talk at all - turns into a youtuber the moment they find out that somebody likes the same things that they do. Money kinda rule their world and they really want to earn money with everything they do, but having no money doesn't stop them from achieving the things they want in life

EXTROVERTED AQUARIUS: You just can't see them sober. Parties, drugs, journeys, walks in nature and such things move their world. Just can't stop partying all the time. Has lots of friends and is really popular, probably is a DJ or a famous singer. Really seductive and beautiful physically. Simply everybody is their friend (except for the people they hate lmao) and they can always find someone to hang out with, because everybody wants to hang out with them. Really intense and quite bitchy most of the time, which makes them seem really arrogant but that's just how it is and they are fully aware of this

INTROVERTED AQUARIUS: You can't see emotions on their face. It's impossible. They might even question themselves if they're human beings because they aren't really aware of their emotions most of the time. Loves plants and things like aliens, unicorns, etc. Lives in a fantasy world and hates the real world. So impatient about everything and has nervous breakdowns when somebody complains about something they do. Really nice to people, even though they hate like 99% of them. Has probably a tumblr blog and rages on it about everything. Roasts famous people on twitter and doesn't even care about it

EXTROVERTED PISCES: Goal-oriented as fuck. Doesn't stop until they get what they want. REALLY emotional, maybe the sign with the most intense emotions out there. Is a really good friend with everybody but can be a little bit bitchy and arrogant at times, especially when things are not going their way. Actually, when it's hard for them to get or achieve something, they use manipulation to get what they want. As I said, their emotions are very intense so literally everything hurts them because they're sensitive as fuck. Eccentric af. When somebody hurts them in any way, they always find a way to hurt that person's back and nobody can even see that they're behind everything that's happening to that person. Sly. But very loyal to their real friends and will never let them down. When they love - they love with every piece of their soul and would put their heart into a person they love's hands, if it needs be. Because of their intense temper, sometimes they might seem like a fiery sign because they explode and hurt people really quickly

INTROVERTED PISCES: So fucking sensitive and their mind is chaos. Doesn't know what they're doing most of the time but in the end they always succeed in everything they do. People see them as fragile but that's just how they seem. They are actually really strong because they've been through a lot. Born with tremendous artistic tendencies and art is literally their life. They are very talented. Loves animals, shopping, nature, taking long walks, deep conversations and stargazing. Loves books and learning new weird languages and has tons of inside jokes with their 2 friends. They open up really hardly and they just don't let everybody in their life - they are really picky when it comes to people that they let in their life. Socially anxious as fuck and will look like a fool if they try to talk in public, so they avoid such situations

[mi4014alishiasmedberg]

Sensations

Tomtegröt (it has other names too) is basically like rice pudding but eaten as breakfast usually in winter and especially at Christmas. It is delicious eaten with cinnamon and the smell of it just takes me back to winter mornings in Sweden, when I'd get to school early in the dark, snowy morning and inside the small school building the cook would give me and the other children it as a free school breakfast. Our school was small and so we where all very close, even the smell of cinnamon alone can make me think back on these times and playing out in the snow and ice skating with my friends.

(in case your curious how to make it here's a video, it's in English and they live in the UK so you know everything included will be available, trust me, the taste is amazing)

On mornings where there is a frosty chill in the air paired with the smell of lingering gasoline is my favourite smell in the world. It takes me back to my older brother taking me out on a snowmobile with him and his friends to get me out of the house for a bit. The smell always reminds me of him because of that, which is nice as I rarely see him since he stayed in Sweden, he visits once every few years and he doesn't call very often either, it's comforting and makes it feel that even though he is so far away, he is always going to be there for me just like he always was back then.

Forests have this hard to explain smell to them but they make me feel at ease, it's this fresh, natural smell that is quite plain, but it takes me back to going out to the forests around school with teachers where we learnt about different plants, animals and in general grew closer to nature. It reminds me of the damping trips and weirdly specifically, looking up at the stars and learning where the big cart and little cart are in the sky.

The old school house holds so many memories for me, my friend playing this song on a piano that was in one of the rooms

One of the girls, Felicia, along with us, taking someone's playing card, us being chased up to the top floor and her eating the card to get rid of it. A game we used to play on the swing set, where everyone would swing and a group who weren't on the swings would have to go through the middle and avoid getting hit.

Stöde Church reminds me of our tradition of Sankta Lucia

I got to be Lucia (the one with candle crown on her head) one year which was really cool, I wish I still had photos of it but they were left in Sweden and therefore were likely lost in the fire in our old home back in 2018. It reminds me of when me and my friend Anton, stood next to each other at church and would pretend to sing the hymns and giggle about it afterwards.

Ponds and lakes remind me of this girl in Sweden called Molly, we became friends because my mum worked with her mum as carers. Her mum looked after my farmor (my granny on my paternal side). We would go to this pond near her house that was beautiful, surrounded by trees, flowers and dragonflies everywhere as well as occasionally spotting frogs. We would go there a lot. She was always super nice. I would sleep over there quite a few times.

Loppy and Floppy I've had for a very long time. Loppy (on the left) was the original which is why she's so terrible thread bare in areas haha. But it takes me back to when I was very young, maybe 4 years old? We rented a ski lodge and I of course brought Loppy, but when we left, I forgot her. Apparently I would stop crying over it so my mum replaced her with the one I call Floppy. We went back to that exact same ski lodge a year later and there she was sitting on top of one of the curtain poles. Whoever rented the lodge after us must've seen it and knew she was missed so placed her up there were she could be spotted. I cried with joy when we got her back. I love Floppy too but Loppy was the OG, and I still have both till this very day. Couldn't leave them in a burning building.

Other things I couldn't let burn is the Farewell gift I got from Nedansjö school. It reads,

"Now you will soon move far away from Sweden to Northern Ireland. You will have a good time and make many new friends. Maybe you will think of us sometimes like we think of you. We will miss you!

Many hugs from your teacher Kristin and class 1-2 in Nedansjö school"

In it are photos of me from field trips, and drawings from every one of my classmates saying goodbye, the girls drew beautiful sentimental art, some of the boys did the same although Anton, Lukas and Adrian drew inside jokes mostly messy violence of us as if we were star wars characters (we always played pretend battles/make believe violence with each other). I loved every single drawing no matter the subject matter because all my classmates who were all my close friends, clearly put thought into each of their drawings, I often flick through it when I'm having a bad day.

The other object is an envolope containing sticky notes. What a weird thing to save from a fire, but what is written on the sticky notes is why I would save it. I did NCS (national citizenship service) and at the end of it our group sat in a circle and we had an envelope, we passed our envelope along and everyone wrote an anonymous message on a sticky note for each person and put it inside. I read my sticky notes and cried with how loving and sweet everyones messages were, it made me feel very at ease with myself and I go back to those notes when I need cheering up, when my mental health is particularly bad.

[janeeet-n]

**Disclaimer: This is a really, really long post.**

You have not only provided me with a wealth of knowledge and opportunities but you’ve equipped me with probably one of the best support group a girl could have ever dreamed of. I could not have asked for a better group of friends here at Davis, so I’ve decided to do something different on this blog. I want to take this time to share with you my friends here in cow-town that have been here for me since day one. (There isn’t a specific order, friends!)

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Lizzy,

My high school sweetheart! Hahaha, we’ve known each other for a while now, and I’m so glad that we got even closer during our time here in cow-town. I’m always so inspired by your resilience and the unending love you have for everyone. You’re so down to earth and easy to talk to. You’re relatable, and you’re not shy to be who you are. I really admire your ability to understand people at all sorts of angles. Every time I come to you with my problems, you always put it in a whole new perspective. I truly am so grateful for you. To have known you since high school is honestly a blessing. We’ve literally been through so much. I remember during summer, you even went with me to get the Nexplanon when I was such a wimp. You are such a true one. You have guided me through a shit ton of mishaps, and I’m so blessed to have someone so anchored in my life. Girl, we got so much ahead of us! Thank you for everything! By the way, thank you for always being the first to reach out to me and dragging me out of the study lounge or lonely library to hang out. I always get so excited to hang out/study with you. (Sorry about your tire. I’m bad juju.)

Myat,

The badass. I remember when I went through such a hard time, you would always AMPLIFY things, and it was always so bizarre that it made me feel better. I remember when we were on the bus together to go to Trader Joe’s (?), and I was pretty sad about my recent breakup. All you said was “I’m going to cut him like filet mignon.” Hahaha, I still laugh so hard just thinking about all of the bizarre, outrageous things that you always say when you’re feeling heated. You never let anyone hurt your friends and that warms my heart. You will always fight for people you care about. If I ever need a partner in crime, I know you would be the go to girl for that. You’re literally badass. On the real though, you’re extremely sweet! I remember when our friend went through some problems, you would literally come to me and ask about what to do when s/he acts a certain way or how to comfort someone. You’re so caring and compassionate. You don’t always understand what someone else is going through, but you actually put yourself out there and find a way to understand people better. You genuinely care, and I’m so glad to have someone who is so badass yet such a softie. Also, you introduced me to the fangirl world and honestly, I’ve learned SO much about your fangirl life- things I did want to know and certainly things I wish I didn’t. (Thank you for guiding me through my ginger-basketball fangirl phase.)

Michelle,

The sweetest, purest little flower in our group. You were the first person to make Davis feel more like home to me. I remember meeting you as my roommate for the first time. You were so chirpy and happy! I was feeling pretty sad but you made the move-in experience a lot lighter, and it always felt like everything would be fine. I remember asking you if you missed home because we come from the same hometown, and you bluntly replied “no.” Hahaha, in my head, I was like, “damn, okay, Miss Independent over here.” You always have the purest intentions, and I really appreciate how hard-working you are and how you manage to “nap” for three plus hours. It’s quite impressive, I must say. I think it’s so cute how I can always find stickers on the messenger app that reminds me of you. You always fill my heart up with so much love and joy. I’ll never forget the time you set out some time of your day to sticky-note my desk, take down pictures, block out names, AND write encouraging notes on little post-its. I truly did not understand true friendship until I came back that Sunday and saw my space filled with nothing but positivity. By the way, I will never forget the times I almost died in your car and our spontaneous Jan and Mish trip to the biggest corn maze in the world! + figuring out how bad you were with your left and right. Hahaha.

Reca,

My model. I don’t know how you do it. I still don’t to this very day understand how you literally do it all. I love how you’re so 100 with everything. You are literally perfect. Reca can literally be that girl that breaks the curve in your math class to being that girl getting so lit at the parties. You are the definition of work hard, play hard. Hahaha. You literally inspire me to overcome my challenges and to never take things for granted. You always think outside of the box, and I really appreciate how real you are with the life you’re given. You bring a different perspective of hard work and passion into life. You somehow don’t ever need to say a lot to get your point across, and I really admire that. You’re such a boss lady! You’re who I would want my daughter to look up to. Seriously. Not only are you great at all that you do but you’re also a real friend. You’re always so, so easy to talk to and so understanding of the circumstances. You don’t let anyone stand in your way, and you have such genuine intentions. I am so glad you slid into my DMs before freshmen year and asked me to be your roommate. It felt like we were online dating, to be honest! (And when we did a Skype call to make sure we are all legit humans. Hahaha) I remember how you totally catfished me when I saw you in real life, and you were literally like 2 inches taller than me instead of 5 inches taller. You’re also freaking queen. You know how to transform- like damn girl. You out here to steal someone’s girl. (& thank you for sharing modern slang with me because I’m a literal grandma.)

Mary,

You’re so down to earth. You’re so funny, even if you don’t intend to be. You have a heart made of gold. I will never forget when the whole “clown scare” thing was going viral, and you told us that if a clown appears, you will run the clown over with your bike. Hahaha. Mary, I hope that you will one day learn that your heart deserves more than what you think you deserve. Never be afraid to be vulnerable at times. I’m always rooting for whatever you choose to do!  It’s always so nice having someone the same size to borrow and trade clothes with! Hahaha. If you ever need anything, I got you. You are such a wholesome person to be around. You are so easy to talk to and you really bring me home. You give off a very cozy vibe, and I really find comfort in being around you. It may sound so weird, but it’s a good thing! Here’s to many more years of us watching scary movies together, gossiping about anything, and trying to understand the quarter system of university. (And listening to each other spill tea about anything we can think of!) To tackling university together a quarter at a time and crying over how we don’t know how to study. (We’ll get there one day!!)

Alice,

I think our first time really ever interacting was probably going to Ike’s together. We made the plan randomly and somehow carried it through successfully! I remember thinking I can’t cancel on Alice, because I want to get to know her better! You’re always so calm unless you copied down the wrong BIS2C notes or dropping your pens everywhere in class. You never back down from anything, and I love that so much about you. You’d literally tackle anyone. (According to Bryan) I remember freshman year, always wondering how you did it all. You are my superwoman. You somehow manage to wake up early to go swimming everyday, whether it’s hailing or sunshine. You run marathons. You know how to play an instrument (maybe even more than one?). You study hard. You work relentlessly. You eat healthy- literally. You stay on top of your shit. You amaze me every day with all that you do. You are hashtag goals. Hahaha. You are so admirable, and I hope to get to know you even better as we spend the next two years together in undergrad plus many more!

Kat,

You’re literally the only person I bother like way too much. I love talking to you. I love being around you, studying with you, and eating with you! You are literally the best study buddy I’ve ever had. I love how I can just ask you everything, and you won’t judge me but instead guide me through the basics. You’re always pushing me to my fullest potential and always reassuring me that I’m meant to be where I am. Hahhaha, sometimes, I really do need that type of encouragement, and you always give it to me. You always believe in me, and I want to make you proud. We have such meaningful conversations, and you openly share your culture with me all the time. You’re literally the best. By the way, lets visit Kouba again! I really miss him. I remember when it was our first Christmas together, and you bought me an elephant plush! That was like after a quarter of knowing you too. We somehow got so close so fast, and I’m so grateful for you. I remember our talks about witch doctors and just really deep talks anywhere and everywhere. I love that I can get real with you and share my stories with you. I’m always here for you, girl! (PS. lets take more classes together.)  By the way, you ARE SO TALENTED. You have such fantastic art and musical skills. Don’t ever hide it from the world because we need more people like you.

Bryan,

You’re sweet. I don’t care how many times you are going to deny it. You’re just utterly, truly the sweetest. You give everyone a second chance even when they truly don’t deserve it. You have a heart made out of gold. You see the best in people, and you’re never judgmental. Since day 1, you’ve always been so easy to talk to. You love to bring people together, and you love to be around people. You’re a people person. You’re humble and kind. You’re also super funny even when you don’t remember the next day. Hahaha, you truly made NorCal feel more like home for me. I really also freaking love how you don’t understand jokes- just like me! Except maybe too delayed. I think it’s so funny how you will literally laugh FIVE minutes later after the joke has already been told. I’d be like,”what are you laughing about?” Then you’d answer, “the joke earlier.” Shake my head. Hahahah. I also admire the fact that you run for fun every day and then continue to call yourself “out of shape.” (Like how.) You’re always down to hang out and go on adventures. Growing through university with you and sharing our tragic life events together- I cannot wait to see how you’re going to continue to grow and find yourself through university. We’re going to make it out better and stronger by 2020. (Process to 2020, eh? No matter what you hide, you can count on me to get to the core!)

Neil,

Oh Neil, oh Neil. You are someone I can ALWAYS count on. You have my back every time. And you best believe I got yours too. Even if you’re going to vomit all over me, I still won’t let you down. Even when you’re out and about, I’ll still drive you home. You’ve always been so kind to me and you’re HEHlulLA funny- sometimes. Being around you is always going to be a litty titty time. (HAHAHAH) I love hearing your past stories, your struggles with fat mentality, and your hoe stories. I can always get serious with you one minute and the next minute be laughing about how you thought making out was kissing yourself on the floor. You’re such a homie. Or how you say it, HamMEE. You’re so charismatic and lovable. Your smile lights up the room. I remember coming to you and crying about nothing. I ALSO remember when you made me cry in the study lounge as well.  I would like to partake in part of your ‘glow up’ when you asked me about whether you should get piercings, and I straight up told you how those baggy ankle jeans and Nike Air won’t get you that ‘look.’ Also that time that I held you back from vomiting as you continued to vomit all over my hand and arm- true friendship. And the time I slept on the couch so that you were forced to clean up your room. You’re welcome. You’re like a brother to me, Neil!! (JaNeil was real.) By the way, you’re super handsome, don’t EVER trip about it or feel as if you’re being too full of yourself by taking second looks in the mirror. You deserve it after working so hard to get to where you want to be!

Eric,

You wizard. Your brain is literally engineering wired- it amazes me. You’re so smart but at the same time soooooo crazy dangerous sometimes. You’re definitely an engineer for sure though. You always find such creative ways to solve problems that I would have never thought of. You fix things when they’re broken and neglected. You’re always so real and straightforward as well. You say it as it is. You’re so fun to talk to and be around. You were also one of the first to make me feel as if NorCal was home. You are such a great friend, and I love that I can always come to you with my problems and you’d literally just sit at your desk and listen to me ramble on and on. By the way, thank you for always observing my cooking and telling me that I cannot boil water at medium heat. Hahaha. You used to be such a grandpa and sleep at like 11PM, but woah did that change. You sleep at like, what, 1AM? Insane. It’s always great to see you out of your comfort zone too. You need to get out of that comfort zone more, Eric!! You need to just let loose and let those spaghetti arms and daddy long legs do whatever they want to do! Another note, you are always so prepared. Literally, for everything. I am SO SORRY that I have used up all of your Tylenol. I will get you a new bottle, so that I can use it again. Hahaha, just kidding. But seriously, you are so resourceful and I know that you literally have everything just an arms length away. You’d survive an apocalypse. But then again, you did slide down the staircase head first.

Brandon,

I still don’t remember meeting you at all. It’s quite funny how I literally only remember celebrating your birthday with complete strangers. You have always shown me so much love and care. I remember when you walked me back from formal in the dark because I hate the dark. That was very nice of you. Then we just sat in Bryan and Eric’s room to talk until like 4AM. You always try your best to be so patient with me when teaching me about physics and never questioning how I don’t understand anything. Your passion for dentistry has made me really excited for dentistry, and it’s so nice having someone to talk about toothpaste and flossing with. You’re so kind and the way you think about others always amazes me and brings me to tears. I’m so excited to be your co-dental head for this upcoming year. I’m so excited to see this professional side of you as we make Benit and Roger proud. I really look up to you, Brandon. Please get into dental school and show me your ways! You’re literally so knowledgeable and resourceful. Thanks for all of the curry and pasta in return for all of the times I gave you my end products in organic chemistry lab because you always somehow failed to collect enough products or even have reliable data. Shake my head. Thanks for being weird and such a breath of fresh air.

Andy,

You keep it one hundo. You will always say things the way you think it should be. You’re so knowledgeable about literally everything. You always know bits and bobs here and there. It’s so easy to talk to you and learn more from you. I also admire how hard working you are, yet so relaxed at home. You work so much, and I don’t know how you do it!! I remember asking you once why you work so much and you responded, “well, I have 16 hours that I don’t anything so might as well just work.” Hahaha. I really admire that! I have 16 hours that I don’t do anything too, but when I work, I ain’t subtracting any of my work hours from the 16 hours of doing nothing. (Probably why I didn’t work for long, hahah!) You’re a great listener as well! You have such an open mind and you always logically think things out when us girls are literally overthinking things and being extra as hell. Or whenever we’re stuck, you’re always willing to help out. I can always count on you, Andy! Thank you for always being here for everyone. I remember how shy you were when we first hung out, but then as you warmed up to us, you got real quirky. You’re such a unique individual, and I am so excited to see what the future holds for you!

Rheymart,

Bish. I don’t even know where to start. My first out-of-same-dorm friend at Davis. It was a sea of college students taking MAT17A at like some absurd time in the morning and from a distance, I spotted you. You were SO easy to talk to the moment I came up to you. You gave me your number right away, we clicked so fast, and we’re now friends for life. Hahaha. I love how extra you are. You’re a drama queen, but you’re also so shy. I LOVE all of our memories from freshmen year, even though you were a bitch at the end at one point, but I just blame your extra, petty ass for it. You’re hilarious and such a great dancer! This is so random, but remember that one time before our MAT17A final, you took out your angel figurine and legit prayed. That was gold. You always went to office hours with me too, so I thank you for never complaining about me dragging your ass to Kouba’s office hours literally every day. The only reason I got an A in that class. We always have such great memories together. Ugh, I miss seeing your booty popping moves in the dorms and sleeping on the floor in the hallways of Tercero with you. Remember how we pretended we were studying on the floor and “accidentally” fell asleep, so that when someone caught us we’d be like “oh shit, we didn’t mean to! We were just studying.” You’re my partner in crime and remember our pact- if we end up lonely, we’re going to move in together and live life to its fullest!!

Enriquez, Matthew, 

You were the first person to introduce me to the college “life.” You are one a kind. You never fail to make me laugh from such smart jokes. You are literally the life of the party. I’m so glad that you approached me that one time that I was eating breakfast alone at the dining commons. Do you remember that? We were just eating cereal together for breakfast. You then somehow got into the topic of pot and parties. It was very interesting with all of your spazzy “woo’s” and “ooo’s” and awkward arm flails. I remember after our brief meeting, we never stopped snapchatting! We became really great friends, and somehow we connected through mutual friends. It’s so baffling how small this world is. I’m so glad to have met someone who is so free-spirited and so intelligent. I remember how after my confrontation with my ex-boyfriend, you messaged me about how you looked up to me and were proud of me. That made me tear up because I never really thought of you as one to really say such things. You were always so out of the loop and all over the place, hahaha, It really touched my heart. I really admire you, Matthew. You are such a bright, entertaining soul. I am so excited to see you doing big things in the future.

Jeff,

Jizz. I remember when I first met you, you were eating vanilla yogurt out of the big tub. You had yogurt ALL OVER your mouth, but you just didn’t give a damn. You kept eating and boy, did you keep talking and talking. I remember asking one of the other boys, “does Jeff talk this much?” Hahaha! I always get pulled into your conversations, and they are so inappropriate for the real world but you always got a point. You always do. You’re so loud and funny at home, but in public you’re such a good kid!! Hahaha, that facade you got on is too good. I’m so glad I got the chance to get to know you. You’re such a real one and your boujie clothes/fashion style are A+. You always make me laugh, and it’s never a bad moment when I’m around you! (Remember when we had a deep conversation in the middle of your room, and you legit out of nowhere just decided to strip into your pajamas.) I can’t wait to spend the next couple of years in college with you. You’re such a joy to be around, and I hope to one day conquer the Picnic Day scavenger hunt with you!

End note: I know this was such a long post, but I seriously could have kept going on and on about each and every one of you. You all hold such a special place in my heart. Y’all have been here for me through my ups and downs. I understand true friendship because of y’all. You are the reason I love Davis, the reason I look forward to coming back up after break even though I’m so, so family oriented and homesick all the time. Thank you for everything and for always pushing me to be the best version of myself while at the same time telling me to let go and relax every now and then. You are all so individually unique, and I don’t think I would have ever been able to find a more wholesome, perfect group to be around anywhere else. I understand why I’m where I am, and it’s because we were all destined to meet. We’re literally family away from home. My university experience would have never been the same without you all. Here’s to us, the Sleepy Pasta Bitches, est Fall 2016.

From the very bottom of my heart,

Janet Nguyen

  Dear Davis, **Disclaimer: This is a really, really long post.** You have not only provided me with a wealth of knowledge and opportunities but you've equipped me with probably…

[cutiecrates]

Cutie Reviews: Kawaii Box April 20

Before starting up, I wanted to mention that you can check out this link for the official Sakuraco page. For anyone curious about that new branding from Tokyo Treat.  

Also, here’s my Eevee from the Gacha Gacha review I posted yesterday. I put two of my favorite necklaces on it.

Word of the month: Sakura no hana - cherry blossom 

Event of the Month: April 29th is “Showa no Hi” or Showa day. Originally it was a day celebrating the birthday of emperor Showa Hirohito and became known as a day for public reflection on the years during his reign. Before 2006 it was temporarily celebrated as “Greenery Day”, which has since been moved to May 4th.

“We’ve gathered everything you need to celebrate the sakura season in kawaii style!“

Little Fairy Tale Hand Towel

In Japan it’s customary to bring along a hand towel, just in case you would need to clean them off or want to wipe your face off. What better way to help stop the spread of germs or clean up then with a super-cute towel?

There was various designs, each featuring cute characters and foods and a lovely color scheme. I really like this kitty-mermaid girl ♥

Milky Chocolate - Sakura Pink

Next up is an adorable packaged box of chocolate, featuring Peko-chan and a pretty unicorn. Along with a shiny, colorful flower designs visible with light (you can see them on the chocolate in this pic). Each chocolate is embellished with a cute design and filled with cherry blossom flavored milk cream.The entire box is 249kcal.

♥ ♥ ♥

This isn’t a melty sort of chocolate, it just sits there. Sadly it wasn’t my favorite, it kind of reminds me of some cheap non-name brand chocolate you’d get at the dollar store. You also only taste the chocolate, there’s no flavoring in the filling, which is also way less than what’s shown on the package.

But to be fair, maybe it’s just because I got to this so late. I’m also thankful to have something besides the Caramel Corn, Koala’s March, and Chocolate Pokemon snacks. They are yummy but I got bored with them.

Unicorn no Cony Star Shine Plush

I couldn’t believe it when i pulled this out of the box for the first time ♥ This is a smaller version of the unicorn plush by Amuse and I’ve been wanting one for such a long time! I really, really, REALLY love their dreamicute design~

These were available in a few different colors, each as sweet as the last. The detailing is really nice, with fabric ribbons on the neck, blushed cheeks, and stitched detail. They also include a stretchy strap so that you can attach it to various things.

As cute as this is, mine seems to have 2 small issues; the horn isn’t entirely sewn onto the head, and one ear is placed lower then the other one. It might have been intentional? I’m not sure, but I still love her a lot!

Sanrio Easter Sticky Notes & Sparkly Kawaii Notepad

Next up are the stationery items :D first, we got a 3-set pack of Easter themed sticky notes featuring various Sanrio characters. They are nicely sized and rip apart easily.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

We also got a cute mini-notepad featuring colorful, shiny designs. This also features 2 type of papers, one vertical, one horizontal.

Unicorn Multi-Color Pen & Sweet Treats Scented Pencil

We also get two writing utensils this month, our first being a pen featuring a cute winged unicorn on top and 3 ink colors to choose from. The lower portion has a gripper, and printed on the tube are various unicorns.

It’s cute, but at the same time the little inch notches are misleading, because they come in pastel pink, blue, and gray. But the colors are basic black, red, and dark blue. Kind of a letdown for me.

♥ ♥ ♥ 

Meanwhile, we get an eraser-less pencil featuring a sweet design, pastel color scheme, and a scent! As you write, it gets sweeter over time. 

I’m not sure what the scent is because I only just now found out about it <3< I tend not to re-read the book until I do the review. Getting a sharpener isn’t possible at the second, but I’ll check it out later and leave an update.

Sanrio Glitter Flake Stickers

Our last item is an adorable set of stickers based on various Sanrio characters. They come in a really cute envelope-like packaging and there are 45 in total, 3 of each (I think I counted between 12-14) included. Some of them feature gold detailing and they come in various sizes, some of them even have alternate colors. They’re a lot of fun to look at.

This also came in handy because I was getting a bit bored with the hello kitty sticker on my phone I had, and it was looking pretty worn out and old. So I picked a couple of these to put on it and I couldn’t be more thrilled~

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content - ♥ ♥ ♥ I feel pretty good about the items over all. They weren’t the most amazing things, but they are decent and adorable. I didn’t dislike anything, but I don’t feel like there’s much for me to do with this one and I’m not really into the content outside of a few items.

Theme - ♥  They’ve done this type of theme before, I’m almost positive. But for this specific box, they really failed, I’m sorry to say. There was 1-2 items related to the cherry blossom/spring concept and one was edible. Some of these items -like last month’s box- felt like left-overs from the magical girl/unicorn-esque box from a while back.

Total Rank: 3 out of 10 Cuties. I feel kind of bad for giving it such a low rating, but I was really disappointed by how poorly the theme was handled. I feel like they weren’t really giving it one, like, they just gave it a name befitting the season. I like the items and they’re fine, but it just didn’t feel like anything special like the other boxes usually do.

[ellie-bee242]

My Heart Bleeds For You-Part 1

So…. This is my first attempt at a reader fic. Ever. Be gentle, and give ample feedback.

I’m so psyched for American Assassin guys, omg, the first time I saw the preview I just had major heart eyes. (keep in mind i have not read the book i’m just hella hyped for the movie and am going off of trailer info)

And after months of re-watching all the trailers and dying ten million times inside, I decided to try my hand at writing a fic. Feedback is always welcome and appreciated please!

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3

Chapter 1: Rollin’

Song rec: Rollin’ by Calvin Harris ft. Future & Khalid

Word count: 2,916

Warnings: Obscure mentions of abuse, obscure mentions/ implied violence (fist fights), mentions of blood, swearing. Also consent. Lots and lots of super sexy consent.

“I don’t care what the hell you have to do, just plant yourself in her life, she’s the easiest way to get to your target.” Hurley ordered from across the table.

Those orders were what brought Mitch Rapp to a standstill in the middle of a privately owned gym just outside the city. He sighed as he waited for the owner to grace him with her presence. She’d only made him wait twenty minutes passed the time they’d scheduled their meeting so far.

“It’s for the sake of the mission. It’s for the sake of the mission.” He chanted impatiently under his breath.

Finally the door to the owner’s office opened and two women stepped out.

“Just remember Sally, you never have to apologize to me, alright?” One of them said, somehow sounding both firm and gentle. Sally nodded meekly and wiped at her face.

“Thanks (Y/N).” She sniffled.

“Anytime. Think about what I said okay?” She inquired.

“I’ll be there next week, but do I have to participate?” Sally asked.

“Oh sweetheart, of course you don’t. Only what you’re comfortable with. And if that’s just watching, then that it one hundred percent fine. This place will always be safe for all.” She assured. “Is it alright if I hug you?” (Y/N) asked. Sally chewed on her lip before sticking her hand out, and the girl opposite her didn’t hesitate to take it and shake it. “I look forward to seeing you next week Sally.” She smiled and watched the girl walk into the locker room to change back into her normal clothes. Then she turned to her door and saw the note posted on the outside. She peeled it off and turned back around as she read it.

“Mitch Rapp?” She called out in a surprisingly loud voice, looking around the gym as she did.

He stepped forward and rose his hand to get her attention. Her bright eyes landed on him and his eyebrows rose in surprise as he watched her blatantly rake her gaze up and down his form. “You’re here for the job opening right?” She asked once her eyes returned to his.

“Yes, ma’am.” He nodded.

“(Y/N) will do just fine.” She assured him before beckoning him forward as she stepped back into her office.

“Have a seat if you like. Do you want a water?”

“No, thank you, ma’a-” He stopped himself at her quick look as she walked around the side of her desk to sit in the chair behind it. “No, thank you, (Y/N).” He corrected and she smiled.

“Well, Mitch,” she started as she reached into a drawer and pulled out a file, “I have to say that your resume is impressive. But I do have concerns.” She flipped it open and glanced through it one more time just to make sure she had all the vital information.

“What concerns?” Mitch asked, and she looked up to find him sitting straight in his chair.

“Your military experience. I’m not going to ask what you had to do, and I thank you for your service, but…” She hesitated, not wanting to upset him.

“You can be blunt, I don’t mind.” He promised when he realized why she had paused.

“Do you have any form of PTSD or anger management issue?” She asked. “Because if you do, I’m sorry but I can’t hire you as an instructor.” She frowned in worry.

“Why not?” He asked and at her look rushed to clarify, “I don’t have PTSD or any anger issues by the way, if you need a psych review I can provide one, I was just curious why that would disqualify me.”

“I would like a review, if you don’t mind providing one. And it would disqualify you because the type of gym I run is meant to be a safe and relaxing environment for everyone. We teach hand to hand combat two days a week and I can’t hire people suffering from PTSD because they might hurt their students. Likewise with people who have anger problems. They’re not welcome in my employ or under this roof in any capacity.” She said sternly. Mitch nodded respectfully.

“The ad said that I would be filling a Personal Trainer and hand to hand combat trainer position, is that still true or would I be going somewhere else?” He asked.

“No, I’m still in need of a personal trainer and kickboxing instructor. My last one quit in order to go back to college.” She smiled fondly. “And that’s why I had to ask if you suffered either that mental illness or instability. You will be working closely with individual clients and you have to be patient and kind.” She commanded.

“Yes ma'am.” He said reflexively. She shot him a look and he felt his lips twitch upwards briefly. “Sorry.”

“We don’t really apologize here. We just promise to work on it.” She grinned. He nodded. “Mitch I know this is technically an interview but you don’t have to be so serious. If your psych eval. comes back clean you’ll get the job.” She promised.

“It’s a bad habit I’m afraid.” He said, attempting to smile. (Y/N) briefly turned pink, her face contorting before she burst into laughter.

“Okay… So maybe you should stick with serious. That smile looked painful.” She teased. He shifted awkwardly in his chair and she tried to school herself.

“Alright, so if you don’t mind, I have a therapist who you can go see for your evaluation?” She offered.

“Actually, I have a one prepared. After I was discharged.” He explained.

“Oh. Alright. Just email it to me, or mail it to me, or whatever you’d like, and then I’ll get back to you once I look it over.” She said, quickly grabbing a sticky-note pad and scribbling her email address and the address of the gym down on it. She peeled it off and handed it to him.

“Thanks.” He said as he took it.

“I look forward to seeing you again Mitch.” She smiled as she stood, prompting him to stand too. He watched her walk around her desk and go and open the door for him. He stepped out of her office and she turned to him. “May I shake your hand?” She asked. He frowned, perplexed on why she had to ask and offered his hand out.

“Sure.” He assented.

“Sorry. That’s something I forgot to mention. If you work here, consent is always required for even the simplest touch. Some of our members have had unfortunate pasts that brought them here. So, in order to make sure everyone is comfortable, we always ask before coming anywhere close to someone, even another employee.” She explained as she took his hand and shook it.

“That’s actually very considerate.” He noted.

“I try to accommodate everyone. I never want anyone to feel uncomfortable inside my gym.” She said seriously. Mitch nodded at her and she smiled softly at him. “I can’t wait to work with you.” She said again.

“That’s only if you think my evaluation is good.” His reminder only caused (Y/N) to grin.

“Nine times out of ten I’m a good judge of character, and I have a good feeling about you, Rapp.” She said confidently, giving the hand she still held a single pat before letting it go and walking away.

A week later he found himself following (Y/N) around the gym and hour before it opened listening as she explained what happened where and what activities were available on what days.

“… and that’s the infirmary.” She pointed to the door in the corner.

“Infirmary?” Mitch asked, sure he’d heard her wrong.

“I offer a free self-defense class after gym hours twice a week. The program spans six weeks. The first time I offered the class I was in the hospital every other week because someone had panicked trying to get out of a hold and elbowed me in the face. Luckily no one has broken my nose yet, but I figured I should add a room with basic first aid for my nose bleeds, and in case anyone else needs simple medical attention.” She shrugged. “It’s served me well in the past three years.” She sighed.

“Wow.” He was honestly impressed.

“Yeah, I learned to dodge out of the way pretty quickly but occasionally someone will catch me off guard.” (Y/N) laughed awkwardly, thinking he’d been surprised at the fact that she’d been injured enough times to need a whole room for medical care.

“I meant, wow, I’m impressed that you do that.” He clarified.

“Oh! Well…. I mean…” She fidgeted. “Everyone should be able to defend themselves. It wouldn’t be right if I charged to teach people something that should be their right to learn.” She shrugged. He nodded.

“Anyways, moving on with the tour.” She said quickly, walking ahead a few paces. She pointed out a set of double frosted glass doors. “That is room used for yoga routines and personal training in between. The next room over is used for kick boxing classes on Tuesdays, spin class on Wednesdays, and aerobics on Fridays. Unfortunately I don’t really have a designated space for a personal trainer so you’ll kind of just float between rooms if that’s cool.” She told him.

“That’s fine.” He assured her.

“Okay. Men’s locker and changing room, individual showers included and they’re cleaned every night by a custodial service. Women’s locker and changing rooms on the other side, if you ever hear of a problem in the women’s locker room please come and get me specifically. Actually, the same goes for the men’s locker room.” She added after a second of thought. He nodded.

“Can I ask why?” He wondered.

“Because I’m the only one allowed to settle and stop altercations if and when they happen. That way no one can try and come after one of my employees with legal bullshit.” She said bluntly.

“And you can take on two roided out guys?” He asked with a skeptical smirk. (Y/N) gave him a challenging look.

“You doubt my combat skills, Rapp?” She asked. He shrugged.

“You are….” He pinched his fingers together. “Tiny.” He grinned at how indignant she looked.

“If even I am tiny, which I’m not, I can still handle myself in a fight against two meat heads.” She huffed.

“It’s true, she’s a badass.” The new voice made both of them turn as a tall blonde strode into the gym with a bag slung across her chest.

“Hey Elle.” (Y/N) called to her.

“Hey gorgeous.” She winked jokingly. “Who’s the mop top next to you?” She asked as she walked up to them.

“This is Mitch Rapp, he’s going to be the new personal trainer and combat specialist.” (Y/N) introduced. “Mitch this is my good friend, and first employee, Elizabeth.”

“Call me Elle, please.” She smiled. “Can I shake your hand?” She asked, offering hers out.

“Sure.” He agreed, remembering the rule about consent in all things. Elle shook his hand and then grinned at her boss.

“I’m gonna go change and prepare my room.” She told her before heading to the locker room.

“Elle teaches the spin class. That’s why her legs look so amazing.” (Y/N) nearly sighed as Mitch focused back on her.

“I hadn’t noticed.” He shrugged.

“Yeah sure.” She snorted. “And before you ask, no I don’t have a policy against romance between employees. Just keep it professional during business hours is all I ask.” She said quickly.

“That’s not going to be a problem. I’m not interested in Elle.” He shrugged.

“Alright then.” She said, sounding like she didn’t believe him one bit. “Anyways, you can use today to build a routine you’d like to implement for next week’s class, and spend the day familiarizing yourself with the gym. Feel free to look in on any of the classes, just be aware of the members. If they seem uncomfortable, move on.” She suggested and Mitch nodded quickly. “I’m going head to my office, if you have any questions my door is usually unlocked. Also, sorry in advance. Elle won the weekly competition so this whole week her music is going to be blasting through the gym.” She laughed.

“Weekly competition?”

“Every week we have a little competition, voted on by all the employees beforehand. We hold the competition on Sunday nights after closing. This week’s competition was to see who could do the most lunges. I won.” Elle said triumphantly as she came out from the locker room, now changed into a pair of athletic leggings and a sports-bra. Her hair was pulled up into a bun and she had a large water bottle clutched in one hand.

“So when does the torture start?” (Y/N) asked.

“As soon as you’ll let it.” Elle grinned.

“Not until five minutes before opening.” The other girl reluctantly groaned. Elle simply cackled in response. “Mitch, feel free to use any of the equipment in the gym as well today.” (Y/N) said suddenly, pulling his attention solely back to her. He nodded.

“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind.” He replied.

“Cool. I’ll be in my office if anyone needs me.” She called before closing her door.

“Try not to need her. She’s usually busy with paper work on days where she doesn’t teach a class, and if she gets interrupted too much she’ll have to stay late at night.” Elle informed him. “I know she knows some pretty comprehensive self-defense, and I know I said she’s a badass but I still don’t like the thought of her here all alone late at night.” She frowned. Mitch nodded.

“You wouldn’t mind if I came to you with questions then, would you?” He asked.

“Not at all.” She smiled. “But if you don’t have any that are pressing right this moment I would like to get my room set up for today’s classes.” She thumbed over her shoulder and he nodded, gesturing for her to go ahead. “Glad to have you aboard, Mitch. Hope you like it here.” She smiled kindly before heading into the spin room.

He looked around, alone now, and decided to go change into his sports-wear. He’d take (Y/N) up on her suggestion, and use the day to familiarize himself with the equipment as well as come up with a combat routine.

“Mitch!” (Y/N) called after the gym closed.

He turned his head and saw her jogging out from her office to reach him before he walked out the door.

“Hey, what’d you think of today?” She asked.

“It was nice.” He said shortly. (Y/N) nodded and rocked back on her heels. When she realized he wasn’t going to say more she cleared her throat awkwardly and looked around for a second.

“Would you mind terribly helping me set up a couple things? James normal does it but he’s out sick today.” She requested.

“Sure, whatever you need. What are we setting up for?” He asked.

“I have a self-defense class beginning tonight.” She explained as she led him back to the massive storage room next to her office.

“Oh.” He intoned, not knowing what else to say. She grabbed a mat that dwarfed her and he moved forward to help.

“Oh, I got this one, if you could get that dummy right there.” She kicked a leg up to point her toes at it, sat in the corner.

“Alright, if you’re sure you got it.” He frowned.

“I’m good, promise.” She giggled before dragging the mat out of the room she got it where she wanted and then pulled at the Velcro straps before jumping out of the way as the mat unrolled and flopped to the ground. She went around the corners, securing the Velcro to the floor and then told him where to place the dummy so it’d be easier for her drag it into place later.

“Thanks.” She smiled after he’d place it down.

“Do you think I could come to the class tonight?” He asked suddenly. She blinked in surprise.

“Sure, if you want. If you want to observe you can sit with everyone else.” She shrugged.

“Or I could help you.” He suggested.

“Help me?” She wondered.

“Well, you need an ‘attacker’ don’t you?” He asked.

“No, not tonight. With what I had planned I’d break your nose.” She cringed.

“So I’ll help with equipment tonight.” He shrugged.

“I can’t pay you for this, it’s after hours and a free program.” She warned.

“That’s fine. I’d just like to help.” He shrugged.

“Alright. If you really want to spend your night lugging dummies around,” She rose her hands up in surrender, “then I definitely won’t be the one to stop you. You’ll be saving me a back ache.” She smiled. He nodded and gave her a minuscule smile in return.

“The class doesn’t actually start for another hour so if you want to do anything…” She shrugged.

“I’d like to get to know you, actually.” He said, startling her by the look of her expression.

“O-kay….” She said slowly.

“I thought we could be friendly.” He said as way of explanation.

“Alright. Wanna play twenty questions or something?” She laughed.

“I’m game if you are.” He shrugged.

“Why the hell not.” She sighed before plopping down on the mat sitting lotus style and leaning back on her hands. Mitch sat down across from her and mirrored her position. “You first.” She made a sweeping gesture between them.

“What’s your favorite color?” He asked.

[cuilective]

Character Sheet: Cav

CW for mentions of violence/death here and there

BASICS

Full name: Cian Amarante Cavanaugh

Nickname(s): Cav

Title(s): n/a, unless ‘old man’ or ‘actual dumpster fire’ count.

Sex: Male

Gender: Male

Height: 6′6″

Age: Chronologically? Heck, bruh. Thousands of years old in any given verse. Physically stuck between late 30′s to mid 40′s which was around the age he was cursed.

Zodiac: shrug emoji

Spoken languages: Most fluent in English, Irish and Scots Gaelic, and French, both modern and some ancient variants. He is approximately conversational in many other languages, though there’s surely languages even he hasn’t encountered yet.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS

Hair color: Brown

Eye color: Black, or a very very very dark brown

Skin tone: Has a bit of an olive complexion

Body type: These days he’s rocking a bit of a dad bod. The muscle is there somewhere under a bit of pudge.

Voice: Singing Examples: [1] [2] [3] unfortunately I currently haven’t found a fitting example for his everyday speech, but hopefully this at least gets the general feel across!

Dominant hand: Right

Posture: Relaxed, tends to rest his weight on one side, droopy shoulders and casual lackadaisical gait

Scars: A gash over his heart is one scar he has in common between every verse, along with various battle scars. In his general fantasy verse he has a scar all the way around his neck from his first true ‘death’ by beheading.

Tattoos: None

Birthmarks: None

Most noticeable feature(s): Scruffy, appears a bit unkempt just about at all times. Never seen without his scarf or gloves.

CHILDHOOD

Place of birth: Near what’s now known as Postwick, Galar

Hometown: +gestures vaguely at galar+

Birth weight/height: What an oddly specific question. He was probably a bit of a chonker, above average birth weight. may his mother rest in peace

First words: an adorable attempt at saying rookidee, though it probably just came out as ‘wookie’

Siblings: Adoptive half-brother. He doesn’t know much of anything of his birth family. Some verses he has a twin sister, I should really flesh one of those out bc she’s just as much of a gremlin as he is.

Parents: Unknown and/or deceased. Death by backstory, they deserved better

Parental involvement: He doesn’t remember much before he was adopted, but he was raised with a lot of love and care by just about every set of parents he’s ever had in any verse.

Children: Also depends on the verse, tbh. Haven’t quite figured out how to go about it, hence why it may not be applicable to every verse, but... in theory, he has a daughter. She is a gorgeous eldritch abomination shaped like a lady and he couldn’t be more proud of her

Prominently: Cav was honestly pretty dense. He was happy and friendly and got along with everyone, but mostly just because he had no idea how some people around him didn’t like him. Ignorance is truly bliss

ADULT LIFE

Occupation: Oh, a bit of everything. In modern times he tends to taxi folk around.

Current residence: N/A, travels anywhere and everywhere.

Close friends: What’re thooooooooooooooose

Relationship status: Single in his pokeverse. Married or engaged in just about every other.

Financial status: A bit complicated. He probably has a slew of secret offshore accounts he’s built up over the years. Probably well off, just doesn’t really show it.

Criminal record: Well! He tries not to get caught because it’s terribly hard to explain why he has a record dating back centuries. Thankfully most just believe it to be a coincidence. He’s done so much freaking crime though, almost entirely petty stuff... maybe a bit of grand theft auto if he’s particularly bored. He loves cars. Oh, maybe even a touch of arson if he’s absolutely certain the target is abandoned and no one gets hurt.

Vices: Yes. If going by cardinal sins... sloth? Gluttony? A sadomasochistic blend of lust and wrath? Nothing like purposefully picking fights to get the everloving crap beat out of you to feel something while simultaneously draining the life of your attacker with every bit of direct contact. How thrilling!

SEX & ROMANCE

Sexual orientation: Straight? Probably? Mostly.

Preferred emotional role: submissive | dominant | switch

Preferred sexual role: submissive | dominant | switch | Doesn’t care

Libido: Lowkey. It’s definitely there but he typically just ignores it.

Turn ons: Loves elegant women, the more confident and authoritative the better. Though anyone’s welcome to stab him 28 times in the torso, that’ll definitely get him excited.

Turn offs: Ppl who chew with their mouth open. Close ya damn mouth. Not very into wild hairstyles or extreme body mods. In that aspect he’s a bit like a boring old man.

Love language: He can and will devolve into a lovestruck puppy. He can be a bit clingy, but more than anything he is just... completely and utterly devoted. Very touchy feely, lots of traditionally ‘romantic’ gifts like flowers and whatnot. Or even just little reminders that he’s thinking of his SO, like a brief text or a little sticky note where she’ll see it. Just wants to be with them as much as possible, even if they’re just silently existing in the same room doing their own thing.

Relationship tendencies: Will brag about his SO to anyone who will listen (and even to those who won’t, you can’t stop him). Probably carries 50 pictures of his SO in his wallet and gets choked up just thinking about them. Will take her to restaurants and be like ‘we’re celebrating our anniversary’ any part of the year whether its their anniversary or not and when called out on it he’ll just be like ‘i’m always celebrating us’ and sappy nonsense like that. (though he also absolutely says it for the free desserts a lot of places give out to couples on their anniversary, but that’s just a bonus)

MISCELLANEOUS

Character’s theme song(s): Slaps this playlist down. I honestly can’t just pick one, buuut... I’m particularly liking Burning Alive lately, it’s very fitting for him.

Hobbies to pass time: Ogling cars, writing absurd Yelp reviews for anywhere and everywhere he goes, hoarding pigeons in his coat and offering them to unsuspecting strangers, heckling golfers, heckling comedians, engaging in fisticuffs with geese, going to chinese restaurants to crack open the fortune cookies and only eat the paper fortune inside, general people watching. likes watching movies in the theater. if anyone uses their phone while the movie is going he will snap the phone in half and eat as much of it as he can to prove a point

Mental illnesses: Uh. Well. I mean. Honestly? I have no idea. If you asked him he’d say he’s totally fine.

Physical illnesses: None. Often pretends to be injured or disabled one way or another if it’ll get him something he wants.

Left or right brained: He has 0 braincells

Fears: Heights, small dogs. Not afraid of dragonfruit but deeply offended by its existence as it is nothing but a flamboyant kiwi with no integrity to flavor. On a more serious note, intimacy of any sort with anyone or anything. Falling for someone knowing that he’ll outlive them anyway.

Self-confidence level: Oh it’s up there. Probably. He’s super confident, even if he doesn’t think he’ll succeed that doesn’t mean he won’t try. Unstoppable. Trust me, people have tried 2 stop him and nothing works.

Vulnerabilities: Genuine compliments from cute girls. Genuine compliments from just about anyone. Children. Baby animals. Cute things in general. Bad jokes. Literally any form of intimacy will make him want to aliven’t because he doesn’t deserve it and he might just up and run away in the middle of a conversation if it starts getting genuinely sappy.