#basically i'm insane. sorry
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also re: that how many tabs do you have open from this morning i just counted my tabs on my desktop & i have 87. but i have two windows minimized that i didn't count
#i think one of them only has like five or six and the other one has like four maybe#ok nevermind i just counted them i have 103 tabs open in total HAHAHAHAHAHA jesus christ#i have such a habit of leaving things open to look at later bc if i put it in bookmarks i'll also just forget bc i can't see it#but leaving them open also makes them invisible. no winning#ADMITTEDLY there's like 15 open that are just shoe shopping and approx 15 from the last time i was looking at job listings#so this is not like my NORMAL; i just happen to have a lot of stuff in the works atm#chatpost#14 tabs are just goodreads of books i want to read but don't want to put on my to read list. or lists of genre books#one of my windows is all store & patreon stuff that i go to so often i just leave it all open all the time#one of the minimized windows is just dnd stuff that i only need when i'm playing dnd. but why close it when i need it again later#basically i'm insane. sorry
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PLEASREE PLEASE SHOW MORE EQUIGAM ART PLEASE!!!!!!
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When in doubt — post yaoi art. Or however the saying goes. Perchance.
#doodle#homestuck#gamzee makara#equius zahhak#equigam#thanks for the ask!#and sorry it took so long lol#why the fuck did i decide to ship the two bitches with the akwardest to mash together names possible#and i cant come up with something cute cus people wouldn't know wtf I'm talking about#also i have basically zero imagination#i saw the twitter hs ship pole and that equigam was in it BUT FOR MY OWN GOOD#i decided not to follow it cus i would get insanely tilted lol#apparently it already caused some funny drama so I'm not missing out lmao#anyway I've been preoccupied with Halloween prepping and planing my costume#so wish me luck in making hs horns for the first time lol
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Trying out some thingies for Sebastian's tail design + an extra closeup bc I like that tail too much to only post the cropped version + Fishbun ily
#that moment when your husband is transformed into a huge sea creature thing but jokes on him you're into that#Sebastian: I'm not the same man you married years ago. I'm sorry if my appearance seems too aggressive to you :(#Zerum: HEEELLO SAILOR#and that's basically what they have /hj#I drew her as an expendable i hope that's okay (・∀・)#i'm already making a bunch of headcanons for them they make me just a liiiiiiittle bit insane 🤏#(i need more crumbs of them i beg you)#pressure#pressure roblox#roblox pressure#pressure sebastian#sebastian solace#zerum#fishbun
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[ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ʜᴀꜱ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇᴅ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜ. ]
#cha yeowoon#tae myungha#myungwoon#love for love's sake#연애 지상주의 구역#lfls fanart#doodles and miscellania#sorry i'm making kbl art again i didn't know this would happen when i started lfls but it's had me insane for nearly two months orz#there's also a bit of a story behind this becoming a set of three images but#basically i had another case of ''i'll just do a study of this one (1) screenshot'' which slowly spiralled out of control#predictable behaviour from me tbh :^)
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PMD game but you slowly realize over time that your partner has been trying to convince you not to save the world over and over again, getting more desperate over time. When you get close to what seems to be the end, it restarts.
No need for quizzes or anything for the second playthrough, though it seems like the quests you go on don't really do anything for the main plot. All while your partner still holds your hand, dragging you through what they want to do. Then, you somehow manage to reach the end part again, and they spill out everything, this time full on begging you.
You realize this game's partner has been going back in time, again and again, just to stop you from saving the world and becoming human. To stop you from leaving them.
#Uhhhh#pmd#basic ass concept but. I love it#I'm sorry I like the funny lesbian magical girl suffering show#What happens next? Idk. You decide.#build this concept up with me if you want#textpost#insane levels of Yuri in this pmd concept I hope
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Just to be clear, male birth control should exist because men should have as much control over their own bodies as anyone else deserves, and people in general should have as many birth control options as possible. That said, if you think for a second that as a woman, I will put my health, body, finances and future in the hands of a fucking man when I am the only one who will actually pay the price for these actions, you are absolutely fucking mistaken.
#it drives me insane that people talk about male birth control only in relation to women#men deserve it for themselves regardless of any other factors#than i'm sorry hun#yes the onus of birth control is disproportionately placed on women#but like#i don't know how to explain to you basic biology#and if you choose to fully trust a man with your actual life in the patriarchal society that we live in#you are a fucking dumbass#reproductive rights#reproductive health#male birth control#birth control
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#'sorry for barging' anon#sorry gonna answer this in the tags since it's such a loaded topic#but yeah exactly- i think a lot of it comes down to people wanting them to perform their (very real) grief for an audience#and getting mad when they don't. which is wildly unfair and unrealistic and just... extremely entitled#and very much coming from a lack of understanding of grief and that it's not a perpetual state of uncontrollable crying#a massive part of grief is continuing living with all its up and down moments with a new heavy weight in the background#living in a perpetual state of sobs is not something any human can sustain. it involves adapting and continuing to live.#and that involves doing regular everyday things AND experiencing happy moments still. that does not mean you aren't still suffering.#to question whether they're 'truly' grieving is.... kinda evil and completely ridiculous lmao#and shows a massive lack of basic empathy and understanding of how human emotions work#we see less than 1 percent of their lives. to actually feel like you have the ability to judge someone's grieving process in general#is wild and weird but especially when you literally have seen nearly none of their lives in the past few months#i'm sure all of us have laughed and seen a friend and had other happy moments since october#that doesn't mean we do not miss liam and that we aren't devastatingly sad at other points.#and to somehow think that zouis reconnecting and being happy about it after such a tragic event would be somehow anti-liam is insane#i've even seen people judge zayn for not cancelling his entire tour which is so.....#if they for a second think that liam would have been petty enough to enjoy the idea of all of his friends stopping in their tracks forever#they clearly didn't really know him since he was clearly always SO supportive of everyone in 1d#and probably would have been very happy to see zayn and louis mend their relationship#it feels like a very weird way to make a fucking death and real life grief from his friends into a stan war which is......... beyond gross
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I'm not completely opposed to making Pharma a weird guy in general pre-Messatine, the main issue I have with it is that a lot of that type of fandom is less "what if he was just a weird little guy" and more seems to be written with the implication that Pharma went crazy because he was just always a little crazy (or a little evil, or a little heartless, etc). Basically, to me it downplays the fact that Pharma underwent massive trauma for two years straight that other characters barely survived for a few hours/days and instead frames Pharma snapping as some sort of... I don't know, genetic/fated downfall because he was just weird, he was always off, is it really any wonder Pharma ended up Like That because I mean there was always something a little weird about him.
It just seems to accidentally imply that Pharma snapping under the pressure of years of torture was some sort of moral failing or sign of him being weak/immoral. You know, Pharma was always kind of a little creepy/insane/evil deep down which is obviously why he killed people. If he were just a normal, not-weird, good person then he would've been mentally strong enough to Not Go Insane. Like uhhhh it just seems kind of fucked up to imply that the reason some people are unable to cope with long-term trauma and have violent/unhealthy coping behaviors is because there's just something innately wrong with them, and then try and look back on their whole life trying to contextualize how they were actually unstable and evil all along instead of just accepting that like. Normal people (tm), yes normal and good people, can be put in situations where they're slowly turned into broken monsters because they had no escape and no good choices.
And also it's equally fucked up to imply that like. Whether or not you can deal with psychological torture without snapping is some sort of function of how innately moral or mentally strong you are. Incredibly victim-blamey to basically go "well the reason Pharma went insane is because he was just always cracked in the head, unlike our good buddy-pal-friend-hero Ratchet who's the perfect doctor and a good Autobot who's never done anything wrong which is why when he's an asshole/hurts people he's not nearly as destructive or Weird About It."
It's not that "Pharma was always kind of crazy" can't be done, because anything can be written well with enough thought. But I think in terms of writing, it's a very difficult and nuanced line to balance and most people literally just can't do it without implying that trauma victims/mentally ill people are evil or something. And Pharma is already unfairly villainized enough as-is, and in canon his trauma was already downplayed in favor of "haha crazy doctor chainsaw go brrr look how weird and quirky and craaaazyyy he is." So it's one of those things where 1. Most people just aren't good enough to write it and 2. "Always a little crazy" Pharma is already oversaturated enough in the fandom anyways and it's enough of a battle to get people to recognize that he's a tragic character and not just an evil asshole.
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#i think this one is especially rambly sorry but it's been on my mind#but like. i just think about it a lot about how like#how well ppl cope with stress/difficulty/trauma without disturbing others or falling apart is often conflated with strength if not goodness#like. it's already a thing mentally ill ppl have to deal with all the time whether it's jsut depression/anxiety#and getting told to suck it up or get tougher or stop inconveniencing others#to ppl with the 'scary'/villainized disorders like idk bipolar or borderline#who are literally seen as inherently dangerous just for existing#so when ppl engage with the idea of 'pharma was always a little Off' it just feels like they're taking his trauma reaction#and going 'oh clearly a Normal Guy and Good Autobot wouldnt do this. he had to have already had something wrong with him'#and so pharma understandably going insane after 2 years spent being blackmailed by the DJD (famous for psychological and physical torture)#is taken from a tragic horror story with tons of factual evidence as to why pharma was trapped and couldn't get out#to basically just 'lmao pharma was always a little kuh razy also he's a psycho ex stalker who's a loser in love with ratchet'#so like what the fuck man you're saying that the reason pharma broke under more psychological pressure than any other victim of the DJD#is bc he was just. what. too weak? his mind was too fragile? he just didn't have strong enough morals?#like god do we really need to be spreading the idea that anyone who snaps due to trauma is just innately weak/evil/weird/creepy#bc i have news for you friends no amount of integrity or innate goodness stops you from breaking when you hit your limit#the no. of ppl who can get through a situtation as horrible as that while doing nothing morally wrong and coming out perfectly sane is 0#if your standard for morality is 'not snapping under horrific pressure' then most ppl don't pass that standard like#i'm sorry but pharma not being able to cope with someone NO ONE ELSE IN THE SERIES WAS ABLE TO COPE WITH#does not retroactively make him evil bc he then proceeded to make horrible decisions in a situation where he was psychologically compromise#stop trying to retroactively characterize (contradictory to canon might i add) pharma as always being Not Good as an explanation#newsflash buddy lots of good people collapse under pressure and lash out and it's not a sign of their innate evil if the way they collapse#is messy and scary and Unfun and inconvenient and they're the only one who snapped unlike their Actually Good People friends
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Soooo I accidentally went ahead and made a bunch of fanart for "oh, you're my best friend," by @cottonmouthcandy ? It was supposed be be just Bonnie, but then Shanklin just appeared out of nowhere, which, good for him.
Anyway, give the fic a read! It's a very lovely Gravity Falls Pokemon AU with great writing!
#Give me a second I'm gonna yap so so hard once I get the main tags out of the way#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#gravity falls au#also it's still january sooo#stanuary#OKAY SO#These were mostly just doodles I made to figure out designs you know? I wanted them to be somewhat unique#but not be too different from the normal Pokemon designs. So these are not entirely finalized in my mind yet#For Bonnie; she wasn't always Stan's but I still wanted to incorporate his themes into her design so I made her tail resemble flames?#Since fire symbolism is a big part of Stan's character. I also made her “hair” have waves to both distinguish her a bit but also to#bring in a subtle ocean connection. It's not very obvious but that's fine. She'll probably also change a bit in Stan's care as life goes on#My one regret is that she doesn't look ominous enough in these pictures. I need to make her a little bit more Creature.#And For the twin pokemon oh boy..#Since they are the twins' childhood pokemon I think they'd normally probably have like. Accesories and stuff. I just didn't draw any here.#I gave Shanklin sharper than usual teeth and a head lighter than his body as sort of a nod to his possum counterpart#Though it's not that obvious with the shading. Also not obvious is a lot of tiny scars from scraps he'd gotten in over the years#Frilliam in the corner looks so basic I'm sorry Frilliam. In my defense that sketch wasn't supposed to actually be finalized#Huh. What'd you say? “The gem in Frilliam's shell kinda looks like a singular eye”? See I have absolutely no idea what you are talking abou#Also Slowkings have a warmer color palette in the Pokedex than Slowbros and I decided to commit to that because like#Stan is usually associated with red and warm colors whereas Ford is usually associated with blue and cool colors.#So their Pokemons being the opposite of that sounded cool#Also kinda unrelated kinda not I listened to so much mitski while drawing these it's insane. It was for the mood.#That pic of Shanklin has like. Francis forever playing in the back to me.#But anyways as you can see I am very normal about making fanart for things. (< blatant lie of someone who loves to yap)#Also dear author of the fic if you're still reading I kinda just assumed you wouldn't mind being tagged? If you do just tell me#and i'll delete it
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i'm a simple girl, i see artwork of astarion yearning for the sun in the shadows and i go insane
#i sink further into insanity when it's post game too#sorry for being a basic bitch (i'm not) (ꈍ ꒳ ꈍ )#i think it will take him a long long time to cope with the loss#but i also think it would have been one of the things he was#most grateful for from their adventuring (all the bonds made aside)#but also think he would hunt tirelessly for some kind of#“cure” or temporary fix#anything for 5 minutes in the sun again#drows look away ✋#𝒾𝒾. the pale elf ᅳ a study.#𝒾𝒾. ooc.
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caitlyn try not to become a dictator, engage in chemical warfare and engage in police brutality challenge:
#Not a post against Caitlyn I love that woman#But I love her and so it's obvious she's gone a bit batshit insane after her mother died#With the chemical warfare vi and the rest of the squad were complacent#And maybe it would have been fine if they did it in a controlled amount but isn't it implied that they've been gassing the whole#Underground? Or at least a good part of people who aren't Jinx#And the only person to stand against Caitlyn becoming general is that one guy Vi drank with#(I'm sorry I don't know his name but I hope we see more of him)#Anyways poor vi and poor jinx and poor everyone and I hope vi and jinx get better#And fucking hell sevika you had one job hunny I love you for everything besides basically pulling the lever#That allowed piltover to now launch a dictatoral storming of your city#Caitvi#arcane season 2#jinx arcane#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#Anyways like jinx said I hope they get to fuck nasty before they both inevitably died#Can you tell I just finished part one?#Sorry I didn't talk about Jay or vik they are so cool here really love vik getting a sense of purpose as becoming#The shimmer abusers' personal jesus#Good for you bud
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whenever ppl try to come up with some version of 'romance and love isn't forbidden by the jedi, on this one novel-'
i'm just...
#star wars#jedi order#jedi critical#sorry no that makes no sense with what's presented through most of the canon#'but it was in this one novel' then that novel it's trying to retcon it or to twist the in-between lines because it doesnt make sense#the belief that the jedi only forbid romance if it's possesive or stops someone from caring about others it's a lovely pink-tinted view#but it doesn't work with canon and the only thing that it accomplishes is attempting to to give anakin a different narrative#which is 'anakin was actually just too stupid too understand what the jedi's teaching meant'#and yes you can make an argument that anakin didn't understand all of the jedi teachings but not in the way this idea proposes#it's actually ridiculous#'anakin why you kept this secret didn't you know romance it's actually allowed by the jedi? we all have our crushes and partners lol'#'you silly the only thing we forbid it's becoming toxic and possesive'#headcanoing or making aus or fics with the jedi as this#big happy hippie family full of pacifists that try to destroy the pillars of traditional conservative nuclear families in pro of free love#it's fine like go ahead headcanon that and make aus of that but when someone comes to try to argue that no it's in fact very canon#it's just...what like come on#EVEN OBIWAN the picture perfect child for most jedi fans said he would've had to leave the order to be with satine aka IT IS FORBIDDEN#i'm going insane or what they told a 9 y/o that missing his mom was path to the dark side but no no they're FINE with romance#how could we miss Yoda's three romantic partners and Mace's being a swinger and also Shaak's polycule Anakin you're just stupid#(he is stupid but not like this lfmao)#fandom stuff#ranting#AND TO BE CLEAR no this isn't an argument about traditional nuclear conservative families or some bullshit being needed#this is me saying the jedi in canon are pretty fairly conservative as it is sorry but they're basically the knight templars with powers#and orientalism in the form of buddhism as a white american man (GL) understood it (badly)
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n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.
#text#i think even younger ones that possess the same nasty traits can be slammed back 'In their place' (in his mind) by him just bc his -#- abilities and power alone (alt. name the factors that make him 'Cool') that dumbs them down insanely in comparison#maybe by this i mean like; ild*ri. despite the animosity she could still feel very foolish and is conscious of her wuss-ness#if that makes sense#cause no matter the disrespect anyone might have for an older capable person the reality is still reality#tbh i just think he doesn't like to sweat it much and still aims for the younger ones bc it's easier than it would be for someone that's -#- 30+ years old#and once he's proven his point he doesn't find any merit in sticking with older ones cause their interests or anything they offer -#- don't matter to or interest Him personally#i think an older demographic is just more boring to him and he would rather spend his time being metaphorically sucked off for his greats -#- by someone that already finds themselves 'lesser' than him and always will for a long time#than someone that is defiant of that fact#basically the more power imbalance the better#in his mind there will always be one unless he certainly knows someone is his equal (or better than him) but he likes the add-on of an -#- age difference too#keeps it in a safe zone with less problems for him#sorry for spitting again my brain just started machine-gunning thoughts for no reason#also i said before that he's an innocence fan. might not be a total puritan but there's something there#it's kinda like him not wanting to be with a dusty ''OLD'' person that's seen a lot anyway#i'm like barely able to hold myself back from opening my mouth to mention t*lvas where i'm making a point about n*loth's brain where he -#- isn't even needed to prove it#but like#him voicing dislike of n*loth general nauseating character and actions but still sucking up to him while n*loth can probably feel -#- that dislike anyway is cute to me i like to view it as an object being thrown into the wall over and over#where n*loth is proving his own worth to other people by drilling their brains out with proof. not that he needs to#but he would like that to be perfected a 100%#and t*lvas is capable of being molded into that state ....... probably#silusvesuisuis you didnot just confess to wanting to see t*lvas be slammed into a wall you fucked up demented beast you're sick#actually can't believe i forgot to mention this but he's literally so immature idk what he has anything in common with actual mature people
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// ocs as patron saints. [x]
tagged by; @katsigian, @deadrlngers and @devilbrakers, thank you so much!!
tagging; @mojaves, @dickytwister, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf and YOU!
– PATRON SAINT OF RELICS.
patron saint of remembering. patron saint of holding something close. patron saint of holding on for too long. for a saint, a relic is often a part of the body, kept for some physical memento of their holiness. they are all in your hands, now: does it feel like remembrance? does it feel sanctified? are the dust and blood as precious as they're supposed to be?
hindsight carries the gun of his deceased father, the last memory he holds of the past and of what used to be his family; he is alone, a vessel for all that used to be, carrying the burden of remembrance like a chain around his neck. he has made himself easily digestible, to fit in, to not stand out; yet the past clings to him tighter than the present and forces him on his knees, forced to worship a twisted and faux idyllic retelling of a place he can no longer get back to.
– PATRON SAINT OF HEARTBREAK.
not of comfort. not of condolences. there is a heart and there is a fissure, a fracture, something that starts to splinter and break open. you're the patron saint of the way a heart is rent open. the way it tears itself apart. patron saint of the rift. patron saint of the gash. when they say to "open your heart" to somebody, you are the patron saint of bleeding out.
erytheia is a grave domain cleric, and has witnessed more burials in her lifetime than any being ever should. she has seen the countless ways in which the best of her abilities still did not suffice, her healing more than often merely prolonging a life rather than saving it; and she carries the consequences of it wherever she goes, the faces of those who were left behind, the broken hearts and wails of sorrow like a symphony in the dead of night, chasing after the trail of blood left by her bleeding heart.
– PATRON SAINT OF BLOOD.
patron saint of the life that flows through our bodies. patron saint of violence. patron saint of love. something that does not watch over but exists within: not for protection but for vitality. there is no passion without a beating heart at its core. when that heart breaks open, someone has to be responsible for what it bleeds.
juniper is full of life, full of passion. her heart hungers and beats viciously within her ribcage, threatening to burst out; all of which shows in her unexpected ferocity in battle, as well as in the way her hands hold the waist of her lover, whoever is within her reach when her desire threatens to spill over. a mouth that kisses as much as it bites, and teeth that graze vulnerable skin and dig into tender flesh; she is a predator, and gods save whoever becomes her next prey.
#tag games#ask:erytheia#ask:hindsight#ask:juniper#sorry for being insane with the commentary but i'm not normal about these guys okay#they're all part of my homebrew world btw :]#but yeah basically hindsight is being eaten alive by the past and every bad thing that happened to him that he can't even see#that the present is now also swalling him whole because of how far he's gone to mask all the things he believes make him stand out#and make him unloveable. he basically turned himself into that smooth spongebag freak and then wonders why he barely feels alive#meanwhile erytheia is so happy and cheery all the time and she deals relatively well with death and losing people#but she is absolutely HAUNTED by the people who were left behind. the loved ones of the people she couldn't save#being haunted by the living as a cleric is something that can be so (eats my fist#and then you have juniper who is overflowing with this energy that she needs to get out of herself somehow#and it translates into anger and lust and violence and desire and pain and love and the lines between all of them have blurred so much#to the point she doesn't even know what she's after anymore. she wants to have it all she hungers for more and more and more#but she can't just keep taking. and what happens when she's had enough? will she have ever had enough???#anyway as you can see i'm being normal about these people
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I'm curious for marlie have you talked about how they got together? Or shared like a first kiss etc?? I'm actually so curious!
AHHH YESS!! well i havent posted about it but we've tapped about it on discord and AHHH its so important to me omg
okay so. they pine after each other for a WHILE. charlie has always known he's gay so he's just like "i wanna kiss this man so bad" but micah's just casually thinking "it feels like the sun has been brought into my life" and just. Not. realizing he likes him. charlie keeps trying to like hint to micah that he likes him and very casually flirt and show he's interested in him but micah is not fucking catching the hints, even as he's realizing he likes charlie romantically (and micah isn't like. scared or ashamed to be gay honestly he's like "that makes sense" but he knows how awful his life would be if people found out and he cant do that to his family). eventually, charlie's thinking like "oh maybe i've been reading this the wrong way" and he starts like pulling away from micah because he's trying not to hurt himself even more. and micah's just like "????? what? what happened did i do smth"
like u also need to know they are just casually So domestic and gay. like micah gets home from work in the evening and charlie is playing with rosie and messing with the twins and helping them with homework and making dinner. charlie spends Much more time at micah's house than his own (bc his grandparents are neglectful assholes who don't give a fuck abt him) and like. the number of times charlie has fallen asleep on micah on the couch or the times micah has tucked charlie in when he crashes at his house. and charlie subconsciously referring to the foster house as 'home' and charlie being the only person micah could ever be open with... ohh my god they make me sick
BUT back on topic. charlie isnt even being super distant, he's just not being as affectionate but its so abnormal micah's like "wtf" and confronts him, not wanting to lose the one person he has, the one thing in like he's so selfishly wanted. charlie is stuttering a bunch and trying to figure out what to say, because he cant tell anymore if micah likes him romantically but he's saying all this stuff about how he doesn't wanna lose charlie, and charlie stutters through telling him he likes him and-- as charlie's trying to explain, micah just realizes "I rlly love him" and charlie's stuttering comes to a pause as he's trying to figure out what to say and micah just... kisses him.
i imagine it's both of their first kisses, maybbeeee charlie kissed someone once in like middle school? but it's the first time there's ever been an actual emotional connection for either of them. sparks just fly. micah has never had someone to be so open with, weak around, and charlie has never had someone who genuinely Wanted him, who cared about him so personally. it's just. they don't even need to say anything. they just kiss each other and hug and lay down on the couch (this would def be nighttime when rosie and the twins (micah's siblings) are asleep) and just cuddle and kiss and giggle into each others faces . its so sweet and fluffy and charlie 100% cries
then. they wake up in the morning in each others arms and continue their morning routine. make breakfast, wake up the kids, charlie walks them to school then walks to the highschool, micah drives off for work, and they see each other again that evening.
sorry im yapping sm they make me SO SICK THEYRE SO !!!!!! EVERYTHINGG OH MY GODDD <33333 honestly most of what we think about them is. so fucking angsty like idk how much I've talked about charlie's jumping by the socs or what happens after charlie goes to college but... ugh. they mean so much to me they make me sickkkk
#can u see why I'm so insane abt them...#I love how micah's basically just like 'im probably gay but I don't have time to unpack that'#then charlie basically confesses in front of him and he's like 'ah fuck. i cant not kiss him now'#sorry i love them sm lmao <333#hopefully i shall write this fic soon... but rn I'm working on a Diff marlie fic >:)#marlie#charlie torres moore#micah foster#duddeeee i love them sm i love yapping abt them tysm for asking <333#if u have any thoughts or questions or whatever plssss send them hehe <333#asks#walmartbrandwhatever#blue's faves
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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