#basically for the entire pandemic and a little before that - as mentioned before - so that's OUgh.. in terms of A Lot Of Work

[icewindandboringhorror]

I’m always paranoid of my tumblr being deleted or malfunctioning or something like that someday, so here’s other places to find me/follow me, just in case lol

~ instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lucalicatte/

~ main youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/LucaLiCatte

~ games/sims youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@cloudycatte

~ facebook page (I rarely use this because I hate facebook but.. it at least allows text posts better than instagram does, so idk maybe I’d use it more if tumblr went away? lol) - https://www.facebook.com/cloudycatteart/

~ Other Links (stuff I don’t use often/isn’t Main enough to list here, like twitter, neopets, other tumblr sideblogs, youtube channels, etc.) are here - http://icewindandboringhorror.tumblr.com/otherlinks )

[harrysmimi]

Date Night

Synopsis: One where Harry finally manages to convince his partner on a fancy dinner date

CW: mentions of anxiety, depression and body dysmorphia.

More of my work

It was a Friday night, YN had gotten off work early.

Well, to be honest she got nothing done today. Working from home comes with it's own pros and cons.

She liked to stay the weekend at home, buried in her bed. Maybe binge watch some random show on a random OTT site. Or just sleep.

Since the pandemic, YN had fallen into a dark place mentally. She could work from home but she was stuck in country over seas from her family.

She works at the London branch of Columbia Music label, in the marketing department. That's where she met Harry, now her boyfriend of almost two years.

Harry actually slipped her a personal email after a zoom meeting on planning a strategy to market his new album, asking for her number. YN was the team leader of the team who'd work hard on coming onto new ideas, so she had to be present in the meeting, explaining the presentation whilst her foster kitten walk all in front of her camera as she talked.

At first, YN was very sceptical about the e-mail. It was under his name, but it could be anyone. People hack into random zoom meeting all the time now. But again how did he get her e-mail?

So she just deleted that e-mail.

The next session though, he slipped into her private messages asking if she got his email. Of course she gave him his number as he said that he wanted to be involved in the process. She understood, it was his album, he spent days and nights working on it with his friends, he has to have a say in how it's marketed. Well, he partially lied. He just grew a tiny little infatuation on her, he wanted to get to know her.

It was her first project as Team Leader ever. She had just been promoted and it was sort of new to her when corporate decided to give her the position. Of course she was energetic going head first into the new responsibilities given to her. Especially for one of the company's biggest clients.

Her new responsibilities came with so much scrutiny as she was the youngest and least experienced person to be put up in a position of a leader. Disregarding her work ethics, her leadership skills and strengths, plus her qualifications.

It took a huge toll on her.

Talking to Harry was only thing keeping her sane in that moment, even though they had never seen each other in person ever before.

Whilst her parents and siblings were supportive of her in every single way, but yet, everytime she called them they'd be complaining about one another jokingly and never listen to her. She tried talking to her mother, but did she it never worked out as her entire family was stuck in one house.

Harry and her started dating around the time he was back in London. Their first date was on a FaceTime call. She was having some leftover rice she made the night before for dinner, and he was eating a Chinese take out and a homemade salad he made.

The salad was for balance, he said to her.

She was sat in living room/Dining room/bedroom/office; her coffee table, whilst he was comfortably sat at his fancy dining table at home. She didn't had her foster kitten to lurk around anymore, it got adopted very soon.

They continued to talk to one another over calls, texts, FaceTime every chance Harry got to be free. YN was basically free all the time, she works from home- unless she's in an online meeting. They'd fall asleep on FaceTime with one another. It was a long distance relationship even when both of them were in same place because of the pandemic restrictions. But both of them felt safe enough to move forward with their relationship.

Of course, Harry saw her falling into a dark place mentally. In fact she came forward and shared it with him finally as she was tired of being ignored by her family. He suggested her a few things which never worked out for her, and she is yet to find out a therapist she resonates with.

The first time Harry visited her flat to see her, it was like he has always been living there. He knew where everything was. That's when he took her to a very fancy dinner date. Their first and last fancy dinner date ever.

This time, Harry was in town finally after an exhausting yet memorable leg of tour in the States. He was dress fancy, the Prince Of Wales jacket from his own collection with a baby blue shirt underneath it, pair of black pants, and a random black coat because it was cold outside.

He walked into his girlfriend's flat buried in her bed, watching some gruesome murder documentory without a sliver of expression on her face. Her eyes and lips red, she probably cried whole day whilst working.

"Hey darling!" He dropped his coat and a bag he brought with him on the sofa and walked straight towards her bed. "What's wrong baby?"

"I don't know." She sniffled pausing the show she was watching. Pushing her laptop aside she straight away went in to hug him tight.

"Oh my angel!" He squeezed her tight closer to his chest. "It's alright baby, I'm here for you."

"I don't know why I'm crying all day. I just feel so numb." She mumbled, her face pushed against his neck.

Well, she's been stuck in her flat for about three months now. She only ever goes to buy groceries now, which she doesn't have to for two week straight. Her appetite has died a little bit from not getting much excercise done.

"I know baby, I know." He rubbed her back. "I came in to surprise you on a date, do you think getting out of the house would help you?"

"I seriously don't know." She shook her head, still hugging him close.

"How about we at least try, yeah?" He suggested, "you might feel better today by getting out. I'll have us a fun day planned for tomorrow as well." She whined in protest to that, "come on now, I've missed you. I promise we can leave if you don't feel like staying, okay?"

"Okay." She agreed, pulling away from him.

"Alright, I got you something." He with that he fetched her the bag he left on her sofa.

Inside was a cat plushy he saw a random store when he was out and about with his friends, he bought it because it reminded him of her. Along with it was a little bracelet he bought from yet another local business. But the cat mattered most to her in that moment.

"Thank you!" She cooed.

"You like it!" He flashed his dimples smile. "Now do get ready, we have a reservation at eight-thirty."

It was quater past five.

"Harry..." YN sighed, "I don't think I want to go to a fancy place."

"It's not that fancy."

"Harry, you took me a seven star restaurant saying the same thing." She groaned.

"I promise, it's not that fancy." He assured her, "wear the blue dress you impulsively bough online the other day, please?" He dragged her to her closet.

"I don't think it's going to fit me now," she made an excuse.

Or was it an excuse? It was a dress which is supposed her fit her figure like it was her skin at the bodice, doesn't matter if it had puffy long sleeves or it was hemmed at the floor length. She had obviously gained weight lile almost everyone else in the world during the pandemic.

Well, Harry was an exception. He's in more shape than ever. In a very healthy and very fucking cool way.

She had nothing else to wear though to a fancy restaurant, she rented a dress because their first date was planned days ahead. So she had no other option than to wear it.

Harry waited patiently for her to take a shower and het ready, he in fact helped himself with some tea and helped her with her with the pile of dirty dishes. Even made her bed and folded the pile of clean laundry making neat stacks on her bed so she can put them away as she wished. All while he heard the shower go off and the hair dryer running.

Her house was pretty much clean apart from being messy. He know however she may be feelings, she doesn't like when a foul smell lingers around her flat or there is garbage laying around. She's just messy with her personal stuff.

He did not dare to touch her work desk though. She's very protective of that part of her flat.

She'd fine if he'd go through her personal valuables of documents, she hates it when anyone touches her desk or even moved a pen on there.

"Harry?" She called from the bathroom.

"Yes, love?"

"Can you please zip up my dress?" She asked opening the bathroom door just to pop her head out to look at him. He is always happy to help her.

He knows if she was in a good mood he wouldn't even let her put it on before they had a quickie. Keeping his mind out of gutter he helped her.

"You look so pretty baby, you were doubting yourself for nothing!" He placed a delicate kiss on side of her neck.

"I don't know, it doesn't look good."

All she saw was her perfectly normal tummy and her arms showing through the sheer fabric sticking out like needles in her eyes. She was doubting when the dress arrived in mail, she tried it on then showed it to Harry on FaceTime. It was a little loose and didn't fit her well. It doesn't now either.

"Come on, you know how hard I'm trying to keep my hands to myself now?" Harry genuinely find it difficult, he's not saying it to hype her up.

She just took in a deep breath and nodded, excused herself for wanting to do her makeup which wasn't much just some mascara and eyeliner she smoked out with concealer to hide her dark circles and eye bags and a pink lipstick. All the while Harry was sat there on the edge of the shower/bathtub admiring her. He helped her pick out the right pair of earrings, she already had the necklace she wears everyday, her dad gifted her on her 16th birthday. And they were set to go.

......................................................................

YN followed closely behind Harry, pulling out the micro fabric fibers from the cuff of his coat. It won't ruin it. But she's very anxious, well aware of her actions she stopped when the hostess welcomed them and showed them to their table.

It was in the more private and upper level of the restaurant, it was still a five star restaurant. Hardly anymore people there other than a group of six people, and two more couples enjoying their time. It seemed very empty considering the place was huge.

Soft talking and laughing noises seemed to have fade out as the waitress handed her and Harry the menu for drinks. Well, she doesn't drink but it gave her anxiety to even ask for some cold water. She'd gotten so used to ordering everything online, without having to interact with another human being.

"I, I, I will, uhhh..." YN looked at the menu again, "ummm... I, I'll have water please."

"Okay, would you like mineral water or regular water?" The waitress asked, completely disregarding that YN was stuttering and basically sweating.

"Any, any kind would be find. Just, just cold please." She tried to smile the best she could.

The waitress got taking Harry's order, with complete changes in demeanor. It made YN feel more insecure about herself. And maybe that girl was trying to flirt with him, which went completely ignored from his side. But that didn't YN at ease what so ever.

Harry was quick with his order. Maybe the waitress just wants to get back home soon tonight. It's weekend!

Maybe she's the problem here. Yeah!

"Harry?" She called quietly, trying to gulp the lump in her throat, "I, I jist need to, need to use the restroom, I'll be back."

"Okay." He nodded.

"I, I'll leave my purse here." She left her purse with him. In her mind she was letting him know she's not going to runaway, if that ever comes to his mind.

......................................................................

Harry sat there, waiting for his girlfriend. But it's been more than five minutes she's gone. Luckily she took her phone with her. So he tried to text but she was back.

"I'm sorry." Her nose was stuffy, like she cried.

"Hey, baby what's wrong?" He reached for her hand accross the table.

"I, I'm fine." She assured him.

When it was time to order again, YN was on the verge of having a heart attack there. Harry asked for another five minutes to look through the menu.

"Baby you sure, you're alright?" He asked again, "you seem all flustered. Your face has turned all red. Want to go somewhere else, or go back home?"

"I, I just..." YN was finding it very heavy to breathe there, "I want some fresh air. I don't know. I'm sorry."

"Hey, never apologise for wanting to get out of uncomfortable situation, okay?" He assured her, "we'll wait for the waitress to come back out and tell her we don't find anything interesting to eat on the menu, then we'll leave."

"Mhmm," she nodded with teary eyes.

......................................................................

Harry unlocked the door for his girl, like a gentleman he is he stood there with the door open to the passenger seat.

"I'm sorry about that." She mumbled.

"Hey, I told you it's alright." He assured her, "you want to go somewhere else to eat? We can go through the Burger King drive thru and I can order for you."

"I'm not hungry anymore." She shared, "I'll make you something to eat back home." That's when her tummy made a noise.

"Mhmm, I can hear that." He placed a delicate kiss on her forehead, "come on, get in."

......................................................................

"Here you go, Madam." Harry handed the bag of food to YN as he drove ahead and parked in the empty parking lot. "Are you still planning to go see your parents this summer? I mean, summer there at your place?"

"Mhmm." YN nodded talking a bite off her burger, "do you want to come along?"

"You're asking me to go see your parents?" He teased her.

"I have met your family, I want you to meet mine. Please?"

He could see now that she's getting comfortable, her anxiety vanishing away. Not that her parents don't know about him, they love him in fact. It's like they've adopted him. Especially YN's mum, she has sent loads of homemade goodies especially for him, her dad approves of him. Her little sisters are best friends with him now, they sent him little handmade birthday cards on his last two birthdays.

"Okay." He shrugged. "Are you going to show me around where you grew up?"

"Of course, of course!" She got excited, "I'll take you to my school, then we'll go see my college campus and take you to the local markets."

"Sounds fun, baby." He chuckled, "can't wait to go with you."

They sat there eating their fast food dinner, dressed as fancy as fancy can get. Harry's new playlist for YN playing in soft volume in the background.

"You alright now, lovie?" He enquired, "you want to talk about earlier?"

"I, I don't know what happened honestly." She stuttered, "I, I think I got a little, I, I think I was a bit claustrophobic in there. And uhhhh... the, the waitress was making me feel a little uneasy there."

Harry knew exactly what she was talking about. She got insecure there, he's well aware that the waitress was trying to flirt with him which he didn't not pay any mind to. He can also understand where YN is coming from on this.

"I'm glad you're feeling better now." He started, "and I didn't pay her a mind darling, if that's what you're trying to say. I know she was trying to flirt and all but I had and still have my eyes for you and you only. I hope I'm not assuming anything out of line here."

"No, no, you're not." She shook her head and took in a deep breath of relief. It felt like a weight being lifted off her shoulders. "You know it felt so good to finally be able to talk my feelings out and have someone understand me!"

"What about your therapy baby? Are you going anymore?" He got confused a little.

"I'm yet to find a therapist I can really talk to. I feel so judged, which is not right, right?" She looked and sounded very frustrated.

"Mhmm it's not right." He nodded, "do you feel like you can talk to me about anything which is bothering you?"

"Mhmm." She nodded, "I do."

"Then you know you can share anything and everything with me, baby. You know I want to be there for you. Whilst I can't offer you any professional help but you can still talk your heart out to me, hopefully talking helps you. I promise, and you know I'll listen to every word you say. Until you find a therapist who works with you, you can talk it out to me, yeah? If not we'll figure something or other out." His assuring words sure made her emotional there.

"I love you so much Harry!" YN leaned over the centre console to hug him tightly. "So much!"

"I love you so much too baby!" He reciprocated with a returning hug.

N O T E :

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Okay, I cried writing this.

I hope you liked reading this. Reviews are appreciated here, and they mean a lot to me. And pls leave a vote that helps me know that y'all are enjoying my work and I should continue.

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[baby-yongbok]

˳·˖✶ ⋆Midnights: Pt.1˳·˖✶ ⋆

Hyunjin x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Non idol

✨Masterlist ✨

Warnings: Mentions of the pandemic (COVID-19)

Notes: Third Person POV + Okay, so, When I started writing this I intended for it to be a sweet drabble but then I just kept typing and typing and TYPING... I think that this has potential to be a series. There will definitely be a part 2 but I'm not sure if it should just be two parts or more. Let me know what you think please? This was also written pretty fast so I'm sorry if the quality isn't the best, but then again I say that about everything I write. Anyway, I hope that you enjoy!

Word Count: 1366

Summary: The two of you are best friends, You know each other like the back of your hand, so why does this new version of Hyunjin give you a feeling you've never experienced before? His smile is all the same but somethings changed... What could it be?

You and Hyunjin have been best friends since you learned how to walk. You’ve done everything together for as long as you can remember and the fact that the two of you are next door neighbors made it even easier to spend an insane amount of time together. Around the time that you turned sixteen and he turned seventeen the two of you decided that spending eight hours of your day together wasn’t enough so naturally he started sneaking into your window late at night to hang out with you. The two of you would play games, watch movies, and anything else that your heart desired all while trying to stay as quiet as possible. Even though your entire family loved Hyunjin, you knew that having a boy in your room at 1:45am would not go over well with your parents. He’d sneak in for any reason and at any time. He got into a fight with his parents? He’ll be at your window at two in the morning. You’re feeling sick? He’ll be at your window with snacks and anything else he grabbed at the store to make you smile. 

Unfortunately, your late night hang outs came to an end when the two of you went off to college. Well, when he went off to college. Hyunjin made the decision to stay on campus but you weren’t sure that you were ready for the responsibility of basically living alone. Hyunjin begged you to stay on campus, promising that he’d take care of you and keep you on track but you just weren’t sure. Fast forward a month after that conversation when the two of you found out that you both got accepted… to different colleges. It took a lot for the two of you to say goodbye but you knew Hyunjin would only be a phone call away. 

Months went by and your nights were silent. There was no dark haired boy climbing up the tree next to your balcony and knocking on your window anymore. No more late night movies or whispering the lyrics to karaoke at three in the morning. The two of you kept in contact with video calls and texts but you both ended up being way more involved in college activities than you thought you would be thus leaving very little room for meeting up or even texting back some days. As your lives got busier the two of you slowly drifted apart, that was until the pandemic hit. Suddenly your extremely active world was quiet again, all of your classes were now either canceled or strictly online. Hyunjin had no choice but to move back home since his dormitory was closing down to enforce social distancing. It all felt like a mess but there was a silver lining to it all, Hyunjin was coming back home and the two of you would finally see each other after nearly five months of being apart, now all you had to do was wait.

 It was a regular Thursday evening, you sat on your front porch listening to music and laying on your bench swing with your dog, Miffy. The smooth voice of the artist you were listening to was suddenly drowned out by Miffy barking and running off of the porch. You sat up, startled by the sudden noise and immediately started searching for the cause of the commotion. That’s when your eyes landed on him, his hair was a bright red which stuck out from his black muscle tee and black sweats. You went over to your front steps and watched him for some time as he pulled his suitcase out of the trunk of his fathers car. ‘There’s no way that that’s Hyunjin right?’ Your thoughts were racing as you tried to remember what he looked like five months ago but your memory sadly failed you. Just as your eyes fix on the muscle of his toned arm he turns towards your house. His gaze is cast upwards towards your balcony, he’s clearly trying to see if you’re home. Your heart skips a beat as it all sinks in, that is Hyunjin. Just as you’re about to scream his name to get his attention Miffy reaches him and jumps up on him earning a smile and a happy laugh to fall from his lips. 

“Miffy! How are ya girl?” He wildly pets the dog like he hasn’t seen her in years but in his defense it’s felt like forever since he’s seen you and your family. Finally, he puts two and two together and looks up towards your front porch where you stood with your dress blowing in the autumn wind and a bright smile on your face. “Y/n!”

Hyunjin runs over to you immediately with Miffy following close behind. You rush down your front stairs with your arms out in front of you ready to hug your best friend. His arms snake around your waist quickly like you’d disappear if he were a second slower, yours find a home around his neck and he spins you around earning a giggle from you. “Oh my gosh, I’ve missed you, angel”

“I’ve missed you more.” He sets you down and pulls you closer to his body. His chin rests on the top of your head and your cheek rests comfortably on his chest. You don’t know what it is, call it your best friend spidey senses but he feels different than he did five months ago…what’s changed? You both pull back and look at each other, smiling like your lives depend on it. You lift your hand and tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “You’re…red” 

He laughs at your comment and looks away from you for a second. “Do you mean my hair or my face?”

“Your hair… well actually, both.” You both fall into a fit of laughter before stopping and staring at each other again.

“I dyed it a month ago, I thought I sent you a picture.” Shaking your head Hyunjin’s smile slowly turns into a frown. “I’m sorry I haven’t kept up with talking to you… It was just so busy on campus and I joined way too many clubs and -” 

You bring your hand up to stop him with a smile still pulling at your lips. “It’s fine, I sucked at communicating too, what’s important is that you’re here now.”

The guilt he felt for not contacting you melted into a reassured smile. “There’s so much I want to tell you, angel, but I think I have to go.” 

He looked over to his house where his father was waiting by the car with his arms crossed. You furrowed your eyebrows with worried eyes and Hyunjin bit his lip slightly. - Fuck why was that hot? - He leans down to your ear and whispers.

“My parents aren’t too thrilled about the red hair, I think I’m in trouble.” You giggle and he does the same. “I figured that once I turned nineteen that I had a bit more freedom but that clearly isn’t the case.” 

He rolled his eyes and you sighed. “You know how your mom is, I say that you did this on purpose.” He sticks his tongue into his cheek slightly and smiles.

“You’re not wrong… but listen, I don’t want to make my case any worse so I’ll see you later?” You glance down at his wrist knowing for sure that he has a watch on him. 

“Hyun, it’s already seven o’clock. You’re gonna get scolded for about an hour and everything is closed due to the pandemic so we can’t go anywhere.” Just as Hyunjin was going to reply, his father called him to come home. With a sigh he starts walking backwards away from you.

“Leave your window open, yeah?” With a wink he turns and runs off towards his house. He gives you one last glance and smiles before he disappears through his front door leaving you in your walk way. For some reason you felt nervous about Hyunjin coming to your house tonight. Sure it would be just like old times but something has changed… What in the world was causing this feeling?

[elialys]

Channeling positive energy for 2024

I have been very listless for at least the last couple of years (if not since 2020 and the whole pandemic mess), resulting in a pretty rough depressive episode that peaked this last November. It's hard to feel motivated to do anything concrete to improve your own life when everything around you is just...bleak. And this world does suck so much, so often, in so many ways.

But then I remember how I innately believe that most people are good, and that I am good, too, and that the one thing that always makes me feel better when I'm low is to do something helpful for someone, or to just be kind if I don't have the spoons for more.

(Putting this big ramble under read more)

I think I've mentioned it here before but I've made the decision to try and get into a new field of work, which involves at least two if not three years of studying. Let me tell you, I'm about to turn 36 in a couple of weeks. It's scary as fuck to do something like this. But this job, if I get into the school I need to get into, will be perfect for me. I'll be helping people who need guidance and compassion basically every day.

The bond I got to build with my students was my absolutely favorite part of teaching, but I got overwhelmed by everything else. I burned myself out in less than four years because I became a workaholic who worked 70 hours a week, never took a breath, tried tried tried, yet never felt like I was doing enough. The pressure was incredible, the 'I have to be around hundreds of people every single day', performing in front of entire classrooms full of kids 6h a day'...it just wore me down. Loved my kiddos to death, loved my science team so much, but then the pandemic hit and I lost a few family members within a few months, and I realized it was time for me to go home after 12 years abroad.

The meanest part of my brain likes to tell me I've spent the last four years being basically a useless human blob, but realistically, I know I wasn't. I had been working my ass off since 2011, when I was in America nannying two young kids all day long then going to school full time at night/weekends, before being hired as a teacher in England for 4 years.

I needed the break, I needed time with my loved ones. I needed to help grieving family members, especially my little sister with ASD, who had to learn to navigate life without her mom, who also developed epilepsy on top of everything else while our father pretended nothing was happening. I needed to spend time with my grandmother, who did so much for me when I was young and who's all alone, now. I'll even go as far as saying I've been working on fixing things with my mother this past year living with her, which was not an easy thing. Still isn't, but it's so much better than it used to be, and she's trying, too.

But I'm ready to get my life "back on track", or at least, to get busier , more proactive, more helpful to others who aren't in my inner circle, because I know that's what I'm good at, and why I'm here.

So, yeah, channeling positive thoughts for 2024. I'm not only going to work on getting into that school in the next few weeks, I also just received an email a couple days ago from an editor I used to work with. She's a writing director somewhere else now, and they need writers for a new webcomic project; she told me she immediately thought of me because they'd always been happy with my work, so I'm going to test for that, too, because why the hell not. Actually getting paid for the stuff I was writing a couple of years ago was the most surreal, rewarding experience of my writer life, and I wouldn't mind that happening again.

I want to give the biggest shoutout to my best friend & other butt cheek, @melusine0811, for helping me navigate those last four years, for always believing in me, and for being so fucking courageous when life is just so damn hard. Lauren, you're the bravest person I know, and forever my Donna Noble.

And because I'm sappy this weekend, awards and all, I'm also sending my thanks to my Australian unicorn, just for existing somewhere out there, for being a role model to me from afar these last thirteen years, for being another perfect example of people persevering no matter what, doing the things they love, while always trying to be kind to others in the process. I don't believe in much, but I believe in karma. You do good deeds, good things will happen to you.

Be kind to each other, my lovelies. Always be kind.

[swashbucklery]

For your fanfic writer asks! 1, 3, and 9. Because I like your squidgy heart!!

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

Hmm, I think the thing that I did the most for the first time this year was - how do you put it, playing with other people's toys. I've done writing collaborations and cowriting before, and with the right cowriter I find it a truly magical process every time, but it's usually come from a place of the two of us spitballing about a common universe or premise and generating it collaboratively. This year was the first time I tried writing in other people's worlds where the other writer had done the building and premise-setting and I was given kind permission to step in and riff on it or write a divergence from it.

I think I did this the most with your AU worlds, with my NCI tie-in fics ((307) temporary redirect and (208) already reported) , and obviously Kinkverse with The Pieces and The Discovery, as well as if this room was burning (i wouldn't even notice)

It was a tremendously fun thing to do, that was - like quite nerve-wracking, because it takes a lot of bravery to write an AU and then a lot of trust to let someone else play in that little private world, and I always worry about doing justice to that world and treating it kindly and respectfully. But the rewards were so, so lovely. With the right writing friends, absolutely I'd do it again.

2. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

I think - I didn't learn a lot that was new about my writing process specifically, but this year was really about re-awakening and re-affirming things that I knew worked for me before, that I hadn't been able to access. I write best writing whatever my capricious little heart wants, and I write best and most happily leaning into the weird nooks and crannies of my creativity. Having creative spaces where indulging in this found me like-minded people and community was a beautiful gift, and that combined with dialing down on the work pressures of the pandemic helped my words to flow so much more easily.

3. What fic meant the most to you to write?

Oh, hands down hands down over salt sea and flowerdeep fields and the whole ensuing OT3verse.

So like. Not to get Too Real or Too Personal but also that's kind of the point, I was Essential, Like So Fucking Essential, from March 2020 to - like I'm still in that essential job and the pressures that existed in 2020-23 are ever-present so I don't want to use past tense but also if I mention my work people appear to like, complain about their own personal and entirely unrelated bugbears and I don't want that but basically: it sucked. I am sure many non-essential people also had shitty times but I had a shitty time that was quite specific and isolating and I hope that 2024 is the year society reckons with that. And I achieved new tiers of life stress, tiers I did not know existed. I felt stress and then unlocked the secret back door of stress, transcended into Ultra Stress and that's something that can't *not* be transformative, despite all the coping strategies in the universe.

Late 2022 for me was the year of finally having enough breathing room to be like, okay, how can I claw back my personhood from this weird merging of personhood and occupation and societal role obligation and isolation that has flattened my entire life. So there was a lot of life stuff that I did as part of that, but the one result was that I had brain space to actually consume pop culture again. I joke a lot that I'm still at 2020, pop culture wise, and I think I will be for a while still, but - I had time, and I watched Willow. And it was the perfect combination of like. Right show, right story, right characters, and my heart having room to love stories in the way I used to love stories, before all of that happened to me. And the thing that it unlocked, specifically, was - the idea of the grand quest, and the richness that would be in the journey home. The idea of a journey home as a way of giving these characters a soft ending, and having it parallel the soft ending that I was cultivating for myself, and suddenly having that burning need to write a big fucking story. But, more critically, having room in my life that I actually could put that big fucking story to words. I thought salt sea would be maybe 10k, and I was a little overwhelmed about whether I could write something that long after a long break in writing longfic, but I kept plotting, and I taught myself scrivener to organize my thoughts, and every day I wrote a little bit and every day I remembered how much I loved storytelling, and writing, and diving into fantasy worlds. And every day this story got bigger and more mine and more complex and I reached out to fandom friends to ask for cheerleading and they were wonderful and gracious to me and then when I finally posted it, new people were curious and interested and that felt like a miracle. That story is a little slice of my heart, and getting it out there and completed and going on that journey was I think the most important thing about it. But the fact that now I've written even more in that world, that other people are curious and excited and pleased to hear about that world with me, is a gift that I can hardly express all of my gratitude for.

[lorianbladeoflothric]

BONK!

Hiyo! I bring a silly ask! What kind of pokemon do you think the ER cast would like to have around?

(Choose however as many or as little characters as you like <3)

Oh dude, be prepared for a long answer bc I was obsessed with pokemon for the first half of the pandemic so I make teams for characters a lot and I try to put a lot of thought into them, but sometimes it really is just rule of cool.

Starting with Ranni because I don't get her, so her team is basically just themed after her.

Shiny Midnight Lycanroc - She's had this one since she was a child Lunala - in a pokemon au she would have met it instead of the dark moon or maybe it was passed down from Rennala Frosslass - is ghost. is ice. is woman. what more do you want? Mega Banette - Mega bc it looks cooler than normal Banette, but in general it's the possessed doll pokemon so it makes sense to give it to her Mismagius - For the crone that taught her magic Alolan Ninetales - A doglike ice type to round everything out

For Rennala, I did what you would more likely find around her now than the team she may have used in the past.

Clefable - Among her sweetings, there are also members of the entire clefable line scattered around the library, gathering around her as they would the full moon. Shiny Gardevoir - Shiny bc blue to signify that Ranni has left this one to guard her in her slumber. Cresselia - Moon theme and pleasant dreams, it's a crescent moon so idk if this would be her Moon pokemon the way Lunala is Ranni's but it feels right Midday Lycanroc - the red wolf of radagon Hatterene - This one could go one of two ways. It's a witchy looking thing and it attacks anyone who shows too much emotion. This could either be a pokemon the Raya Lucaria scholars left to watch her and make sure she doesn't try anything, or it could be like Gardevoir and one of her children (Rykard in this case) put it there to guard her.

Like Rennala, Radahn's "team" is just the pokemon encountered while fighting him. Which is to say Leonard the mudsdale and various minior that crash down during and after the battle.

Rykard's turn! I know there's not a single snake on this team but hear me out

Magmortar and Delphox - He developed magma sorceries Groudon - This is Eiglay. I know it's not a snake but like. look. Big catastrophe causing thing sealed beneath a volcano. It's Eiglay. Yamask - explicitly the soul of a dead human. Not sure if this is on his team so much as scattered around volcano manor, but it felt important to mention. Magearna - Virgin abductors Mawile - This one is probably Tanith's but I'm not doing a team for her. It's the decoy pokemon, it fits both of them. Tanith is like the main body, Rykard is like the mouth.

Leaving the carians, we have the easiest team so far: Godfrey. Perrserker, Machamp, Incineroar - Self explanatory really, they fight like him. Sirfetch'd - His knights, the decorum he has as Elden Lord, and the Storm King he defeated was a bird. Solgaleo - Serosh, godfrey is sun-aligned. Azumarill - HEAR ME OUT. Huge power + high hp makes it a powerful foe, water to fight against all the different fires that oppose the erdtree, fairy to conquer the dragons, its shiny is gold, and the most important point of all: Gap Moe

I want to make a team for Godwyn, but it's very hard since he doesn't really...have much to him? Haxorus and Kommo-o - Golden + Dragon Roaring Moon - Literally an ancient dragon Cursola - Analagous to deathblight Fortissax isn't in his party, but he would probably be Giratina?

Godrick's team is a joke kinda, but Machamp - 4 arms plus one of Godfrey's iconic pokemon Shiny Magikarp - for the Lord of All That Is Golden Corviknight - For the storm king Dracovish - Grafting! Dragon! It was so hard not to make his entire team galarian fossils bc they're all grafted freaks

For Malenia, I think she would have a different team before her rot got too bad. These three go along with her graceful fighting style pretty well, and since she is a walking toxic status effect...

Bisharp is the only one who survives and evolves into Kingambit. Ceruledge - dual wielding swords, edgy and cool, since it's a ghost she can't kill it by just being near it. She trained it up alongside her cleanrot knights. Quaquaval - a gift from the blind swordsman The last three are some of many nuisances that follow her around at the haligtree. Things that like poison and rot are just attracted to her.

Miquella's team is probably exactly what you'd expect. Silcoon - It doesn't seem to want to hatch... Togetic - "These Pokémon are never seen anywhere near conflict or turmoil. In recent times, they’ve hardly been seen at all." They're also known to bless people, very fitting for what we know about Miq Shaymin - It purifies toxins and grows flowers Comfey - more flowers, more healing, I bet there's a bunch of these around the Halligtree. Musharna - dreamworld pokemon <3 Gardevoir - Counterpart to Malenia's old Gallade. It's his strongest pokemon and only fights to protect him

Marika has no pokemon, she may have at some point, but right now the only pokemon she's around is Ultra Necrozma (The Elden Beast, bc it's golden, evil, a legendary, and from space)

Aaaaaand the last character I'm going to do is Radagon, but if anyone's read this far and wants me to do a specific character outside the god family tree, I'd be hella down.

Zoroark - You Know Why He Has This (it can disguise as humans) Zacian - Radagon seems to be tied to wolves/dogs, plus it has his greatsword Aegislash - this one just feels right Trevenant - for the erdtree Minior - for his elden stars incantation

So yeah that was way too many words and I'm sure as soon as I post this I'll think of better ones but yeah! Ty for the ask bud!!

[bigskydreaming]

Bit of a vent post, bit of a housekeeping post, bit of a 'so that's what's been happening in Kalen-land' post:

So I have officially done everything that can be done to prepare for our relocation to a different site while they do construction on this one for the next year, which should be....any day now. Since it was originally supposed to happen on October 2nd, lol. Oh, bureaucracy.

If I wrote a memoir of the last two years specifically, 'Oh, Bureaucracy' would be the title, actually. So obviously its no secret that Moukie & I have been struggling for a long time, even after my surgery back in December 2021. But pretty much all of that has to do with our struggles to hack through bureaucracy to secure some actual stability and longterm living situation, since....oh, January 2022. We've finally secured a five year lease to stay in this place (with the exception of the next year, at a different site during construction, as I mentioned), but like....we only JUST got that agreement officially in writing, signed & notarized & all that...last week.

After being told it was basically a done deal but they couldn't finalize anything or put anything in writing until the building sold and the property changed hands and one city service took over oversight of this particular property from another one....pretty much every month since November of last year. They changed dates and timelines on us so many times it was like every three week we'd have a completely new timeline we were looking at for when we could expect to have everything finalized or for the relocation to happen, etc. Most recently, we were told with complete certainty that everyone HAD to be out October 2nd, that construction would be starting immediately after that, nobody would be allowed to stay in the building.

October 31st, and we're still here, lol.

So that's been a fun non-stop rollercoaster ride of stress, lol. The problem, of course, is that before my surgery (12/2021), I'd quite literally been homeless for at least the five years prior to that. Fortunately I never quite made it to the point of having to sleep outside, though there were plenty of times it got close, and spent most of that time living out of cheap motels & extended stay housing while working towards getting enough money together for my surgery, but as far as any landlord or potential renter is concerned, I was for all intents & purposes homeless during that time, and that's....not great when trying to secure housing in the middle of a pandemic right after basically starting your life over from scratch after the surgery to fix the problem that basically derailed your entire life, lol. Not to mention my credit score was practically nonexistent, all my credit cards were maxed out to pay for the surgery & insurance, my driver's license had been expired for years due to not being even able to drive while I had my issues w/my jaw & everything related to that, and getting it back was easier said than done because I'd had like, two unpaid parking tickets at the time of my medical issues beginning & they kinda completely dropped out of sight, out of mind, only to multiply w/fees that were fucking ridiculous to contemplate & going down to the DMV or traffic court to try and argue them down, while my medical issues were still ongoing, was a nonstarter due to how little travel I was capable of in that state....

LOL. Not a great starting point when rebooting for Kalen 2.0 - and of course I'm not going to get into why we had to use my ID & everything for renting & all that, instead of Moukie's, just trust that there were Reasons.

And of course there are programs to help people out with these kinds of circumstances, which is basically what we've been doing since January 2022....navigating that labyrinth of red tape, because actually ACCESSING those programs, proving eligibility, meeting all requirements, keeping consistent with all requirements throughout the months of waiting on a verdict from higher-ups your file's been passed up the chain to....MUCH easier said than done. The hoops are just. The stuff of legends. Especially when you're still having trouble consistently staying stocked on the meds you need to be productive & functional, or even just keeping your phone active. Oof. All of that was very Not Fun.

Which segues into a bit of that venting I was talking about, because over & over the past couple years we've had well-meaning (and not so well-meaning & largely just obnoxious) people asking us in response to our donation posts like, well why don't we just move to a cheaper city? LOL. I just. I wish people would stop to think that maybe if there's such an obvious solution that someone hasn't availed themselves to yet, there's probably a REASON for that.

We actually had several. For starters, there's the fact that I still have stuff related to my jaw to deal with....I still have no teeth, lol, and haven't really been able to even START getting the bone grafts I need to be able to get implants at some point, so I'm not stuck with dentures for the next fifty years....and it took me literal years to find dentists familiar with my situation, willing to work with me on payment plans & longterm strategizing, etc.....not that easy to just start over with all of that in another, smaller city. Not to mention if I do have any problems with my prosthetic, LA's one of the only places that has ANY surgeons that deal with this specific kind of jaw replacement surgery, so I'd always have to come back here for any further medical related stuff.

But then there's additionally the fact that all those programs meant to help people like us who are literally trying to restart their lives after medical issues, homelessness, etc.....they're pretty much all specific to their own city. They're all contingent on each individual city's resources, services, populations and a million other details.....so moving to a different city basically means having to start all over again with applying to THAT city's housing aid programs & navigating THAT city's bureaucracy from its beginning & forfeiting however much time or progress you've put in already in the city you're currently in. And frankly, most cities don't HAVE as good of aid programs as LA does....its just...it takes fucking forever to actually make full USE of such programs, as evident from the fact that after almost two years, we're only FINALLY to the point where one of those programs has been able to actionably help us secure longterm housing.

(And also there's the fact that when we don't even have enough money for groceries, how cheap do people thinking picking up and moving to another city actually IS? Like. You need starter money to even GET there & get on your feet or you wind up in an even worse situation than we were in).

But honestly, we didn't have it so bad, we have been able to stay housed & working various odd jobs for the past two years....its just been long, and stressful, never actually knowing when or even IF we'd get to the point where we stopped worrying about being kicked out at any given moment, and there were times that looking for housing or trying to deal with bureaucratic red tape was the equivalent of a full time job, in terms of hours required.

All of which is to say....be aware when assuming the worst of various donation posts & their posters, that except in the case of actual scammers, no matter what you may think of how a particular donation request was worded or described their situation, its almost always VASTLY more complicated than can be summed up in a couple of easy to read paragraphs that might actually get people to help. I promise you, if super obvious solutions seem evident to you, they've occurred to the people living with that situation 24/7, and there's a reason that they haven't tried that solution or maybe they even did & for whatever reason it didn't actually work out.

And that said, all of this is also to say just....thank you again for everyone who's helped us out over the years. I know it often seems unending or like we're never getting our acts together, lol, but trust me, it feels that way to us too, times a million, and like....we're working on it. Its just. Much easier said than done. For every hurdle cleared, there's usually another one waiting to pop up like a fucking whack-a-mole game from Hell. Since January 2022 we've been consistently working towards a longterm, stable housing situation and this is it, this is what we were working towards.....we've been fully approved for relocation to the other site for the next year & then returning to this one after construction/renovation, w/a lease agreement for the next five years.....and that's the dream, honestly.

Genuine stability, not having to worry about whether we'll have to move at any given moment, actual housing security....allowing us to FINALLY focus on building our lives back up, instead of constantly grinding just to keep a roof over our head & make sure nobody's about to kick us out....and having the room to breathe & for the first time in literal years (in my case, almost seven at this point) actually prioritize something OTHER than figuring out where we stand on paperwork, filing, tracking down various liaisons to bug them yet again about an accurate timeline for when we'd be notified of whether or not we'd been approved for this program or that one, when we'd actually be relocating, when we had to make x payment by to ensure we didn't lose our qualified status, etc.

And I, for one, definitely can not WAIT to give more of a shit about the absolute stupidest shit imaginable instead of like....warily checking the hall to see if new eviction notices popped up overnight. LMAO.

Anyway. Like I said, we finally have our agreement in writing, we know where we're relocating to, and as soon as that actually happens - which they keep insisting should be any day now, sigh - we'll finally be in a much better place. As part of the relocation program we landed in, our rent at the other site is covered during the year this site is under construction, so already just from that alone we'll be much better off financially.

Moukie's been sending around a donation post this month, and we'll probably keep it circulating up until the day the movers arrive and they finally pull the trigger on us leaving this site, because for the last three months they've been insisting that October 2nd was absolutely going to be our last day here, and we planned around that timetable....meaning that since October 2nd came and went with us still here, our only jobs at the moment are whatever freelance ones we can scrounge up, since the new place is far enough away a commute to & from a workplace around HERE wouldn't be viable, so I can't even go look for a new one to replace the last one until we're actually in the area we'll be spending next year in, lol. So in the meanwhile we've basically been surviving off donations since freelance work is painfully dry at the moment, and as it is, the company Moukie does editing work for still hasn't paid them for their last job yet, which was back in September, I believe? Its ridiculous, but it is what it is.

So yeah, we'll keep that post circulating a bit longer til we're out of here for good, basically just for food money until we're settled in the new place & can grab a new 9-5 and I would say something about that damn patreon I'm always claiming I'll make except I am a Proven Liar Not To Be Trusted On That Subject at this point, but hey, once we're in the new place, maybe that will finally change.

That's basically everything I set out to ramble about, I think, so....I'm done. Wait. Lemme check - yeah, no, that's it, I'm good. I've said it before but it'll never stop being true: we would not have survived if it weren't for the kindness of strangers & the help of mutuals & followers & we really are so much more appreciative of it than I can ever adequately express. I know that can come across as lip service, but genuinely, people here have done more for us and to help us and to see us succeed than our families ever did and we've been reduced to ugly-crying more than once as a result. Its gotten bad, guys. Like. When I go all out, it's not a pretty sight. I've got that pale Irish skin that gets all splotchy when I'm emotional, my nose gets all stopped up, I make scrunchy faces like a baby that KNOWS its not as pretty as its parents keep trying to pretend and is out to prove it....its a whole mess.

And on that note - and imagery - I'm officially done here. Thanks for reading!

[mayasdeluca]

Ik the pandemic kinda got in the way a bit but how do you think maya made up for the cheating? She promised carina to do whatever it takes to make things right. Unfortunately we didnt see much which is a shame but I understand as obviously covid and doctors/firefighters being on the frontline helping people was the main focus I think they could've shown something tho as as you've mentioned before carina was in the background acting like a house wife for the first like 5 eps of s4 so they could've done soemthing in that time or atleast hinted at it. I dont like that they made maya do that then it was barely even relevant and she had to shoulder the ENTIRE blame (despite her ot being in her tight mind and I will die on the hill that j*ck was also very responsible and it's unfair he just got away with ruining another rl with no consequences or apology) and maya never really had much of a chance to redeem herself unless you count her helping carina grieve andrew and missing her inspection, putting her job at risk, to help her

I wish we got to see that part of their relationship and it wasn't just skipped over because it was such a crucial part. I think a lot of us already thought Carina forgave Maya pretty quickly and then suddenly with Covid and everything they were moving in together and we didn't really see any of the trust being rebuilt but I would think it would've had to have been a lot of communication between the two of them and Maya just being a strong presence for Carina and not pushing too hard but also making sure she knew that she wanted to work on things so that they went back to how they were before she cheated. And while this is also something Maya struggled with throughout the seasons even after Season 3, I think not just leaving after they fight or have any sort of conflict was probably important for Carina too and you could tell Maya was getting better at that as time went on (unless it was something pretty major like in 7x04).

It always bothered me too that Jack basically was never held accountable for his part in what happened and we never got to see Carina confront him about it and it was played off as just a 'jealousy' thing that Maya mentioned to him in 4x02 which I found a little ridiculous because there wasn't a single thing to be jealous of. And Carina had every right to tell him off and she deserved an apology from him as well. But of course somehow it just turned into him doing what he always does and people feeling sorry for him anyway and then Carina somehow 'laughing' about it later on in Season 5 and them finding any sort of way to force that dynamic in the most cringe way possible. Will never be something that was appealing to me.

[daisychainsandbowties]

how did you figure out that you’re nonbinary and that you specifically use they/them pronouns? /genq

oh okay so figuring out gender was a ‘casper is stupid for 17 entire years’ situation.

i basically came out of the cradle insisting that it was cringe and terrible of my parents to think of me as a girl. i was, emphatically, a Pokémon obsessed little guy since i could form entire sentences. but it was 2002, and frankly i was more concerned with how far i could spit and collecting spiders off the bushes to be worried about it. my parents (bless) were 100% cool with getting my clothes in the boys section & letting me do whatever i wanted (except get ice cream from the ice cream van every day. their one and only instance of homophobia 😔) so i didn’t really suffer, especially, beyond scowling at people in school when they dared to refer to me. 

it was pretty clear to me when i was 11 that having a cursed body was, indeed, going to be a curse. not worth mentioning how terrible and evil 11-14 was for me physically, tho to be fair i also took up swordfighting then so swings and roundabouts.

but yeah, around when i was 9 i knew there was a huge massive problem but then my mom got cancer (multiple myeloma) and… yeah gender crisis took a backseat while we watched her almost die about three times (pulmonory embolism, stem-cell transplant, getting shingles with no immune system bc chemo). my grandmother looked after me while Hospital.

unhelpful to the anti-trans-kids-existing demons bc she was also like intensely indulgent of my refusal to wear anything but my brazil football jersey. she let me eat nothing but artificial cheese slices put on a single slice of white bread and then microwaved because i had the massive trump card of not being allowed to see my mother for almost six months. i think she was grateful that i seemed to find the whole situation too serious to cry over. my best friend was a boy & he was pretty willing to be like ‘ok cool. ur not a girl. can we go on the trampoline?’ 

& then, when things calmed down & i was about 16/17, i had come out as gay (good for me) about two years before & then i realised i was oh fuck A Bit More Complicated than that i spent a while agonising over it. really a long walks on the beach pondering my gay ass type deal.

but then, just when i was kind of starting to vibe with being enby, I got really really sick, which lasted aboooout 5/6 years where it was just an old school platforming game but titled ‘casper tries not to die while trying to get a degree & two masters’). very do not pass go do not collect 200 of the universe to Do That. but hey. 

so it was around Pandemic when i finally got the brainspace to actually think, & i realised that i was definitely trans, probably nonbinary. i experimented for a while with different pronouns. realised my ‘dumbass nickname everyone has to call me’ was my ACTUAL NAME (never underestimate my stupidity and ignorance) & yeah at first i was thinking of going the hormones path (do not ever please god don’t get me started on how hard that is in this stupid bastard country. 5 years waiting period, on average. have to get diagnosed formally by a team of psychiatrists with what is characterised as a ‘mental illness’. have to ‘live’ - as Some Fucker sees it - as your ‘chosen’ gender for like two years AND be out to basically everybody - realistic and safe i say sarcastically i say while looking into the camera like i'm on the office - oh look i got started. anyway. bullshittery)

but eventually i realised huh nope i just wanted top surgery (same fucking deal with the health service tho) & for people to use they/them generally (i am not too fussed w/ pronouns for myself tho. like, a lot of my friends use he/him because frankly i deserve it most of the time with the himbo behaviour. professionally i insist on they/them for consistency. i get congnitive dissonance with she/her as in i get a weird shock & want to laugh & wonder who the fuck they’re talking about for a sec before i realise it’s me. but like, miffed too much i am not).

also gender is a big pendulum for me it’s an elliptic orbit sometimes for a few weeks i’m like a feminine guy and other times i feel like a masculine gay & sometimes i feel like the autism creature (bc i AM an autism creature, always). 

but i have, essentially, felt nonbinary always. trust me i have a pic of blue-eyed blond 5y/o me sitting on my bed in my Pokemon-themed room wearing a Manchester United jersey and holding my PS2 controller in my hands with a profoundly vacant and himboish expression on my face. it did fully take me 17 whole years to have my ‘oh’ moment about it, but a lot of that was profoundly indulgent parents who were you can’t even imagine how determined to not raise me the way they were raised - which meant, apparently, that if i wanted to be a spider-collecting, bug obsessed pokémon-fixated little guy who kept snapping branches off the bamboo and fashioning makeshift swords out of them - well then that was the creature they’d send to school every day. 

i think the tldr here is: casper stupid. gender a concept. 

[usedpidemo]

Do you think K-pop concert ticket prices are too expensive now? What do you think should be the threshold, and what can be done to give all fans, whether casual or diehard, a great experience?

I could go on an entire rant/tangent on what I think concerts as a whole should be like, but it would be the length of a regular fic, so I'll spare you every issue and thought I have about them. I've only been to one concert in my whole life, so I don't have the experience or depth that other concertgoers have, but let's just say the streaming and COVID economy fucked up everything.

Prices: I believe the terrible royalties from streaming, as well as the increased demand for live shows in general has caused these ticket prices to skyrocket. Like you can't just buy a ticket for a decent seat for less than $70 now, that shit only gives you nosebleed seats. Not to mention the deliberate collusion of scalpers by ticketing sites. Those resale tickets and third parties directly cooperate with Ticketmaster so they can punch a bit more money from consumers. And don't even get me started with Dynamic Pricing and those terrible service fees. I'm fortunate enough to live in a country where such things don't exist, but with HYBE openly expressing their intention to enable dynamic pricing and finding alternatives in places where it's not available, you can bet they'll find a way to punch up the prices too.

I understand why they charge this much. Fans will go out to see their favorite artist, regardless of how much they complain about it. FOMO. You don't know if they'll come back to your country or city, or when. Not to mention, the typical K-pop concert is a much grander production than, say, your average pop star. You got backup dancers, large stages, numerous costume changes, sometimes a live band, and of course, multiple members with dozens of staff managing a group. Concerts are the biggest revenue/income drive now for a majority of artists because of how music is distributed today, so they have to break even. Doing world tours are costly; consider the VISA and other costs on a country-to-country basis. No wonder they'd rather tour the US and Japan only to save a few thousand dollars.

It's difficult to gauge the threshold because popularity and demand is fickle, especially in K-pop. However, if there has to be a limit, I personally would stop at around $1000-sub range. There's not a damn singer or artist on planet earth, dead or alive, that's worth over a $1000 ticket. Even MJ. The economy isn't looking good, inflation keeps jumping year by year, and concerts have become basically rich people havens too.

Personally, I do think it'll eventually die out. There's a touring oversaturation right now that it dries people out and we have to pick and choose who we want to attend.

There's a few things I really want to see happen in the future, ideally:

• Rookies shouldn't be pricier than their seniors. I don't care if its NewJeans, IVE, or Le sserafim, they really shouldn't be more expensive than say, a 3-4 year old group. It's ridiculous how NMIXX and IVE were more expensive than The Boyz or ATEEZ.

• Announcing ticket sale literally right after the tour announcement. This is something I absolutely hate. Why are you selling tickets for a show six-eight months away like two weeks after announcing it? Fucking insane! It gives us little to no prep time to gather up resources and plan accordingly. Also, what if something happens that causes a concert to be canceled or delayed? It'll be much harder for us to get refunds back, which is exactly why they pull this shit off. Normalize selling tickets at most two months-a month before the show.

• Make the ticket prices worth it. This is my biggest gripe with concerts, more than the prices: that you're basically paying for the seats and nothing else. I'm not gonna lie, I likely wouldn't have gone out to my one and only concert if I wasn't guaranteed anything else besides a nice seat. Pre-pandemic, the price of the ticket I bought would have given me a group/solo pic with the group and some other cool perks like maybe signed merch. Now? Most concerts give you the show and nothing more. You have to justify paying that hefty tag beyond just a close view of your favorite artist. I remember when pop stars like Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, and The Weeknd had photo-ops before the show for those VIP tivkets. COVID ruined all of that. It's such a damn shame, because at best, you're getting soundcheck, which I'm not fond of, in my opinion. It forces people to bait for interactions and not enjoy themselves during the show cuz they aren't guaranteed artist engagement (though this won't really change anything if we're being real lol). I personally would be a lot more comfortable and have a greater time if I knew I could greet them before or after the show instead of trying too hard to get their attention.

[thenewwei]

Here are some thoughts on Germany/Italy/Austria and my European trip generally:

In general, I had a great time. Everyone I met was friendly, and I did make new friendships. Hopefully they’ll last.

Here are some questions and answers, from good to not so good:

Do you like Europeans?

Of course, I love everybody! Whether they love me back or not, depends.

Do Americans travel in Europe?

Yeah, they do. I met quite a few Americans on my travels in Europe, and most accents I heard were American.

Is the system better here?

I would say in general, it is. Food and general costs are pretty much the same as in the US, gas is a little higher (I actually thought it was significantly lower until I realized it was in liters!), rent is usually lower than NYC but like everywhere it depends where you are.

But your food costs are in-built, there’s no extra sales tax or tips. Universal health care, longer vacations and not paying for an active military helps a lot. I doubt there are too many law suits in Europe either. It was ethnically diverse everywhere I went, even in smaller cities I could get Thai, Vietnamese food, whatever. Nowhere is the quality as good as NYC, but they have it.

Train strikes are common, there was another one in Germany on this trip and it cost me an extra night of rent and I had to change my plans. Public transportation is easy to navigate, though it’s generally more expensive than NYC. Can’t say anything about tolls, parking etc.

And despite staying in plenty of “poor” neighborhoods, I never really felt unsafe, except for once in Turin, and I just avoided that area.

The one major positive we have is texting. Texting is expensive in Europe, and almost everyone here uses WhatsApp (ironically, an American company). Almost everyone texts in America if you have a smartphone, it’s usually included.

Do Europeans know anything about Americans, and what are misperceptions?

Their knowledge is nearly totally based on anti-American propaganda and movies/Netlix shows (almost all of which are set amongst wealthy Californians). They know basics, usually negative, but rarely specifics.

The first question I was asked by multiple Europeans (and an Australian) when I mentioned I was from NYC was the “homeless” problem based on the belief that homeless shelters are either expensive or non-existent. Homeless shelters are free in NYC, last I checked, though you do need to create a plan with a case worker to ultimately get out of one. We also have Section 8 housing, rent control, Mitchell-Lama apartments, a rent moratorium during the pandemic and a million other programs to assist with admittedly crazy housing costs.

Yes, we have had a significant homeless problem since the pandemic, but that was mainly due to closed mental hospitals during the De Blasio admin—it wasn’t a significant issue in the 20-25 years before the pandemic, though we did always have some homeless people, including entire families and children—I mean it’s a city of 8-10 million people, some people will always fall through the cracks.

Granted, the average NYer doesn’t know anything about these issues either, but it’s significant that almost every person, mostly educated young people, mentioned this issue to me as soon as I said I was from NYC. Also, I saw plenty of homeless people in European cities, especially Salzburg, even as it was claimed that wasn’t an issue here.

The real issue in NYC now is crime, gang shootings, crazy people pushing people in front of train tracks and punching people in the face, and house fires, but no one mentioned those to me. Also not significant issues before the pandemic, though they’ve always been there to an extent.

The other constantly mentioned issue is the lack of universal health care. True, the system is horrible on multiple levels and ideally should be made universal and reformed, but I have comprehensive coverage through my employer, and most people do. Poor people have Medicaid, seniors have Medicare, the disabled have Social Security disability. A terrible, greed-based system for sure that could put you in the hole if you have to individually buy coverage, but it’s also not like no one has coverage.

The border/migrant crisis—complex for sure, but their general perception of an American is a tall muscular white guy with an AK-47 shooting migrants at the border, and that’s not exactly true. But then, most Americans don’t know anything about the complexities of our immigration system, whether legal or otherwise.

Gun/school shootings. Of course true and horrible, though there was a shooting in Belgrade, Serbia, while I was there, and there have been shootings in Germany and Norway, I think. There are also riots all the time in France. Also almost all shootings in NYC occur using illegal guns. But yeah, there’s no other country on Earth where mass shootings happen regularly, yet we’re politically powerless to stop it (assault weapons, etc.).

Americans pay low taxes. Scandinavians always mention their 32% tax rate that pays for everything. I pay nearly 50% in NYC and I don’t even make that much. Or get that much. But most of my salary is paid through taxes, so I’m not complaining. But tax rates depend on where you are in the USA. Sales taxes are added everywhere and property taxes are a killer too.

Our tax dollars also help defend Europe’s security, and nearly all of Germany’s security. Things are easier when you don’t have to pay for bombs.

Almost no one knows that the USA is one of the most ethnically, culturally and linguistically diverse nations on Earth, a nation of immigrants, and the most charitable people too, by far. In NYC, more than 800 languages are spoken, and we have tons of social programs. Apparently, Americans are Bible-toting idiots who can only speak English, and badly. Plus we hate immigrants.

Everyone hates America, but no has any particularly logical or fact-based reason for it.

Do Europeans love India and Indians?

Yes, they do. The trend of wanting me to identify with India over America continued on this trip.

Are Europeans socialists? Are Europeans nationalists?

I noted on my last trip in 2015 that nearly all Europeans I met worked in marketing of some type (among Germans there were also engineers and academics/potential academics). This time, I mostly met people in various teaching-based professions, or at least people who are in and out of it.

What they do constantly market are their countries. Their number one goal is to sell their country to you so you will hopefully move there. I mean I don’t know many Americans who are constantly pitching America. Maybe because we’re constantly told by our media how horrible our country is, but more likely it’s because we’re a country that values individualism over patriotism.

European women are almost universally like this, men are definitely more critical. One German waiter in Augsburg told me he thought Germany was “hopeless” because Germans aren’t welcoming. He contrasted this with Ireland, where he apparently visited, and where they will welcome you into their homes and give you tea. He was happy because I was the first person to speak English to him in weeks. I certainly do not think Germany is hopeless, but it’s another example of how European men tend to be more negative and realistic about their countries, and less wedded to them, culturally and otherwise.

Germans will ghost you

Yes, it’s not just an American phenomenon. I was ghosted by a couple of women who I’ve corresponded with for years and thought were my friends/acquaintances who would at least meet me or show me around their respective cities while I was in town. Nothing romantic or anything. I think ghosting is disrespectful and dishonorable, but I’m pretty old school, and it is what it is, moving on. But I wasted a couple of days this way when I could have done other things or gone to other places. Whatever.

Will you be back?

Probably not so soon, though I do love both Berlin and Milan. I would definitely go back to both locations, and I do want to explore more of northern Italy specifically, esp. Bologna and cities around it, and the beach towns around Genoa. I realize I definitely prefer the urban though. I had an allergic reaction in Italy and a cold in Germany. Next year, probably back to the Greek Islands and Turkey/Istanbul.

[danidoesathing]

💎 for vide noir

💎 are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

YES THANK YOU

-Vide Noir was originally intended to release in 2020 but was delayed due to the pandemic. There is, however, multiple clips in the album teaser back in 2018 from the movie so at least some portion of it was likely filmed around that time.

-you can also hear multiple songs from Long Lost during the movie, even though the album came out in 2021, so it also would have acted as their album teaser (something they do for all of their albums) for Long Lost.

-everyone saw the Cobb Avery cameo BUT there was also a Tubbs Tarbell cameo (on the TV during the motel scene) and a Big Jim (during the beginning credits) cameo

-Despite the "Dead Man's Hand" story being part of the Strange Trails album and not the Vide Noir album, it's portrayed in the film and actually makes Johnnie's part (as well the World Enders) integral to Buck's storyline despite this not being clear in the original album. not that im complaining I'll take another iteration of dead man's hand if it means seeing Johnnie again

-Vide Noir basically overhauled Buck's entire character in the lore from "sad lovesick country singer" to "absolute mess of a man who constantly lies for no reason and cannot be left alone for five minutes because he WILL cause problems for everyone” and for one am here for it. it also introduces the fact that he can see ghosts which?? was never brought up before???

-Secret of Life and Balancer's Eye despite being on the album don't play a role in the movie. Moonbeam doesn't have an explanation either. it's a weird case tho because while we do have a character named Moonbeam, the song is a love song and she and Buck have such little romantic chemistry even the wiki points it out.

-The movie kinda fucks with the lore A LOT but one point that bothers me the most is the existence of Alex. Like for the longest time we were told Dale was the leader of TWE and Johnnie's older brother, but when we get to Johnnie's part where he's talking about his brother as the leader he says its Alex, someone we've never heard of until now, and makes no mention of Dale at all. The Phantom Riders have a cameo but they aren't credited by name so like?? where is Dale?? what happened to him?? was he the leader at some point but not anymore?? who the fuck is Alex??? there's a third Redmayne brother?? ben whats going on here

-The song listed as Lee's Song that appears throughout the film is actually "I Lied". do with this information what you will :)

-The movie is direct by Ariel Vida, who also directed The World Ender music video and acted as a producer on the Fool for Love music video. everyone say thank you

[bills-bible-basics]

Coronavirus: Face Masks or Bandanas? https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-face-masks-or-bandanas/ Let me start out by saying right up front that I am not a health expert, medical professional, or anything of that nature. Just like most of you who will be reading this blog commentary, I am just a regular guy who tries to use a little bit of common sense, practicality and pragmatism as I survive the current COVID-19 pandemic. So, because I don't have any credentials to support my position, you can either accept or reject the comments which follow, as you feel led. It is entirely up to you. Having said that, I don't mean to alarm anyone, but as I mentioned in a previous blog post a number of days ago, quite frankly, a number of people -- myself included -- were quite flabbergasted when President Donald Trump and various health officials began suggesting that regular people -- meaning not the elitists -- should resort to using scarves and bandanas to protect themselves from the coronavirus pathogens, instead of using more robust face masks and respirators. Now, it seems to me that with all of the information they now have in their possession regarding SARS-CoV-2 -- which is the actual virus which causes the COVID-19 disease -- they know perfectly well that such clothing items are really just about useless, and provide very minimal protection against COVID-19, due to the small size of the droplets which are expelled when one coughs, sneezes or talks. And there are other factors to consider as well, which I mention in some of my other BBB Blog posts, such as in "Helpful Tips Regarding Using Face Masks and Respirators", which you will find listed below. In fact, I view it as being both irresponsible and deceptive for the president and others to have even suggested that we resort to using such items, because it will give people a false sense of security. In other words, they will think that they are safe because they have a scarf or a bandana wrapped around their face, and this is just not so. Aside from the fact that such items are probably too porous to stop the tiny droplets and the virus which clings to them, what also failed to be mentioned is the fact that if one does not remove such items properly, they could end up getting the virus on their fingertips, and their fingers could then wind up in their mouth, nose or eyes before they have been properly washed. Equally mind-boggling is the fact that President Trump would make the announcement regarding the American public now being advised to use face masks, and then turn right around and in the same breath, basically contradict himself, and go against the advice of his own medical team, by repeatedly stressing that wearing a mask is voluntary, and stating that he does not intend to wear one himself. Wow! How confusing is that? What an example! He expects us to follow advice which even he is not willing to follow? What kind of confusing message is that sending? Well, at least Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx had the wisdom and the decency to tell folks that wearing a face mask or respirator is NOT a substitute for social distancing. In other words, BOTH should be implemented simultaneously for maximum protection. While the USA got off to a slow start in its fight against the coronavirus -- no, I won't delve into that issue again -- as many of my American friends will already know, millions of face masks are now being manufactured in the USA. I suspect that it is for this reason that the Trump administration is now saying that the American public should be using them. But let me reiterate again: Do NOT listen to President Trump regarding this issue. He is out of his league regarding this issue and speaking nonsense. As I mention in another blog post, the people we SHOULD be listening to right now are the health officials, doctors, nurses, scientists, etc., who have the proper backgrounds for dealing with this plague. We should NOT be taking the medical advice that comes from politicians.

This fight needs to be led by the health experts who are in the know. Before leaving behind the previous points, let me make one more important point which I believe validates my argument. Even though health professionals are using N95 and FFP3 face masks, not to mention other protective equipment including plastic shields, protective suits, shoes, gloves, etc., as you probably already know, some of them are STILL becoming infected, and even dying. Now, tell me something. In light of that troubling fact, how can we the public possibly expect or believe that a scarf or bandana loosely wrapped around our face is really going to protect us from this deadly pathogen which is very aggressive, and which spreads so quickly? Are our leaders taking us for fools? Apparently so. Have I made my point? Having stated all of the above, I do understand that at this late date, some of my readers may be in a situation where they do not have any face masks. If that is the case, and if scarves and bandanas are all you have available, well then, as they say, you have simply got to make do with what you've got. But let me say this: Everyone who is reading this BBB Blog post has a computer, tablet or cellphone, right? So my recommendation is that you go to Amazon, or to some other reputable website, and immediately order yourself some N95 or FFP3 respirators. As I have mentioned before, N95 is an American rating which means that a face mask offers 95% protection from certain airborne particles, including the coronavirus. On the other hand, I believe that FFP3 is a class that is used by European nations. FFP3 face masks offer up to 99% protection from such airborne particles. Now please understand that it won't be easy. Many sellers will already be out of stock, and you will probably have to search for a while before you find one which not only still has masks, but who is willing to ship them to your region of the world. Additionally, and sad to say, you may encounter unscrupulous online sellers who charge an arm and a leg for the masks. So please be very careful, and keep searching until you find some. In my case, a brother-in-the-Lord ordered a 5-pack of FFP3 respirators for me in March. They arrived from Israel on March 18th. It was $170.00 for the five-pack. Yes, rather expensive, right? But I am told that Israel makes very good products. I think it is also important to advise you to NOT purchase face masks -- or anything else for that matter -- from any sellers you see on Facebook. If there is one thing you need to know, it is that scammers are out in full force right now because of this pandemic. These people will profit from your fear if you let them. In some cases, you will either never receive your purchased product, or else you will receive an inferior product which does not match what was advertised. Many of these bogus sellers disappear overnight. My friends, I speak from experience. As I mention in my BBB Blog post called "Beware of the Vector Robot Scam", I was scammed by a Facebook seller a number of months ago. This leads me to my next point. Thankfully, I was able to recover my money from the Vector Robot scam, and I will now tell you why I was able to do this. If you have to purchase your face masks from a seller other than Amazon or some other reputable website, then try to find one that accepts PayPal. That way, you are protected, and PayPal will reimburse you if something goes wrong. If your item does not arrive within a specified amount of time, or never arrives at all, or arrives damaged, or does not meet your specifications, or if you sense that something else is not right regarding the seller, PayPal will investigate once you submit a claim. They will give the seller a specified amount of time to respond to the claim, and then they will reimburse you if the issue is not satisfactorily resolved. As I said, that is exactly what happened to me with my Vector Robot purchase. But returning to the face masks, sadly, the one drawback with many of these masks is that they are not reusable.

That is in fact why health professionals require so many of them. Once they become damp, and permeated with particles, it is time to discard them. From what I have read, this usually means in a matter of a few hours. Now, while this is just my personal opinion, in a tight situation, it may be possible to sterilize a used mask by setting it out in the Sun for a while; or by soaking it in a light bleach-water solution; and maybe even by microwaving it for a very brief amount of time. If you try the latter, please be very careful, particularly if the mask contains elastic. As a matter of record, when I saw my personal physician in March, he informed me that he tried the microwave solution, and his mask ended up catching on fire. I have no idea how long he microwaved it for. Before concluding this commentary, let me say the following: In my opinion, we ALL have the right to full protection against COVID-19, regardless of our social status, and regardless of whether or not we are health professionals. Yes, I fully understand that health professionals should take priority. After all, they are our front line soldiers in this battle against SARS-CoV-2. Furthermore, I highly respect them, and I appreciate the great sacrifice which they are all making, even placing their own lives at risk, for the benefit of us all. And for the record, both my daughter and son-in-law work in medical facilities, which have become ground zero all around the world at this present time. Yet, at the same time, as I have mentioned before, I also believe -- as the Holy Scriptures teach us -- that it is a national government's responsibility to take proper care of its people; particularly its elderly, sick, poor and disadvantaged. When ancient Israel failed to do this, God rebuked them time and time again, as I point out in some of my articles, such as "What About the Poor?". In this case, it means manufacturing enough high-quality face masks so that every single citizen is adequately protected against this viral threat. If, for example, the American government can spend trillions of dollars on its war machine, and billions of dollars on supporting foreign governments, surely it can take care of its own people, who should come first. As the Apostle Paul wrote: "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." 1 Timothy 5:8, KJV Finally, and most important of all, whatever you do, do not allow fear to overcome you. Continue to TRUST the Lord to see you through this current scourge, and He will. Don't allow the fear-mongers and conspiracy theorists to rob you of the Lord's peace. Cling to Scriptural promises such as the following: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7, KJV "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3, KJV "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10, KJV "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27, KJV For those of you who may have possibly missed some of my previous coronavirus-related writings, following is a list of everything I have written to date regarding the COVID-19 pandemic. I believe that you will find a lot of useful, factual, instructive and Scriptural information in this material. Please feel free to share this list on your own timelines, pages, in your Facebook groups, and on any other social networks where you happen to participate. Thank you so very much, and God bless you! Bill's Bible Basics Coronavirus Information Center: Bill's Bible Basics Coronavirus Information Center Bill's Bible Basics Articles: BBB Article: "Coronavirus: Just the Facts, Ma'am":

https://www.billkochman.com/Articles/coronavirus-1.html BBB Article: "COVID-19, Financial Assistance and Christian Love": https://www.billkochman.com/Articles/covid-19-financial-assistance-christian-love-1.html BBB Article: "Coronavirus: Defiant Christians, Stay Home!": https://www.billkochman.com/Articles/coronavirus-defiant-christians-stay-home-1.html BBB Article: "COVID-19: Exposure Logging and Contact Tracing: Is It Safe?": https://www.billkochman.com/Articles/COVID-19-ExposureLogging-ContactTracing-1.html Bill's Bible Basics Blog Posts: BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: Latest Statistics - Bill's Bible Basics Blog": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-latest-statistics-bills-bible-basics-blog/ BBB Blog Post: "Stop Joking About the Coronavirus": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/stop-joking-about-the-coronavirus/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: God Will Silence the Fools": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-god-will-silence-the-fools/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: Be Still and Know That I Am God": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-be-still-and-know-that-i-am-god/ BBB Blog Post: "Is COVID-19 the New Normal? : Don't Freak Out! Trust the Lord!": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/is-covid-19-the-new-normal-dont-freak-out-trust-the-lord/ BBB Blog Post: "Helpful Tips Regarding Using Face Masks and Respirators": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/helpful-tips-regarding-using-face-masks-and-respirators/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: Why Do You Condemn Your Brethren?": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-coronavirus-why-do-you-condemn-your-brethren/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: Are You Distracted?": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-are-you-distracted/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: Wake Up, Already!": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-wake-up-already/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: 40 Bible Verse Lists Regarding God's Love, Patience, Wrath, Judgments and Repentance": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-40-bible-verse-lists-regarding-gods-love-patience-wrath-judgments-and-repentance/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: Where is Your Common Sense?": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-where-is-your-common-sense/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: More Useful Information": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-more-useful-information/ BBB Blog Post: "The Doctor Anthony Fauci Debate: My View": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/the-doctor-anthony-fauci-debate-my-view/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: How to Respond to the Pandemic": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-how-to-respond-to-the-pandemic/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: Face Masks or Bandanas?": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-face-masks-or-bandanas/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus and Beards and Mustaches": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-and-beards-and-mustaches/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: Do You Need A Psychiatric Evaluation?": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-do-you-need-a-psychiatric-evaluation/ BBB Blog Post: "COVID-19: Attention iOS Users! This May Be of Interest to You if You Use the "Maps" App!": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/covid-19-attention-ios-users-this-may-be-of-interest-to-you-if-you-use-the-maps-app/ BBB Blog Post: "Apple iOS 13.7 Introduces COVID-19 Exposure Notifications With No Need For 3rd Party App": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/apple-ios-13-7-introduces-covid-19-exposure-notifications-with-no-need-for-3rd-party-app/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: Are Vaccine Passports Inevitable?": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-are-vaccine-passports-inevitable/ BBB Blog Post: "Coronavirus: Don't Be So Harsh!": https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-coronavirus-dont-be-so-harsh/

Bill's Bible Basics Poetry: BBB Poem: "Coronavirus Kooks": https://www.billkochman.com/Poetry/coronavirus-kooks.html https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/coronavirus-face-masks-or-bandanas/?feed_id=63981&_unique_id=645b4705d5b1c&Coronavirus%3A%20Face%20Masks%20or%20Bandanas%3F

[prep4tomoro]

Learn to Make or Purchase a Full-Face Mask for Environmental Hazards or Defense:

Purchasing a Professional Gas Mask or making my own (from a 2 or 3-liter plastic soda bottle or full underwater snorkel mask) is a tool worth having to filter the air in an emergency situation or protect against projectiles. Recently, while I was perusing the web, I ran across an advertisement for a Full Face Snorkel Mask used for underwater swimming/diving/snorkeling. Now, at the risk of having many think that I have gone "over the top", my prepper instincts kicked in when I first saw this thing. As a matter of fact, I did not even think of the water when I saw it; it seemed like the perfect make-shift gas or pandemic filter mask. It looked like a gas mask except that it had this thing (the snorkel) sticking out of the top. Just like a conventional underwater snorkel, the mask's snorkel controls the intake and exhale of air, but the mask covers the entire face, protecting the eyes, nose and mouth and allowing unrestricted breathing from the nose and/or mouth. A rubber gasket, around the edge of the mask, seals the face inside, keeping water out, providing a water-free-eyes view of the diving experience. Obviously, when I blocked the snorkel hole, I could not breathe; duh . . . just checking. In a hypothetical gas/pandemic mask scenario, the snorkel, or only the hole at the top of the mask where the snorkel attaches (remove to reduce attracting attention), could be covered with a surgical mask [material], or 2 surgical masks with activated carbon (charcoal) sandwiched between them, to provide a limited use full-face, air-filtering mask. When I tried this, airflow was slightly restricted but I was able to breathe. Someone with claustrophobia anxiety disorder could have more serious breathing problems. Sorry, I did not take it out for a test drive to see if it works as a gas mask. I do not have any tear gas and my fires, usually, produce little smoke, but I did confirm that it does what it is intended to do under water; a very cool experience. I found these, used with very minor wear, on eBay for less than $25 each (free shipping, of course). They can also be imported from Asia, new, for around $35 each. New, retail price is $45 and up depending on the retailer. There are at least two sizes so be mindful of that if you decide to purchase. Since they were marked as "used", I washed them with antibacterial soap and wipes, inside and out, before use but I would have done that even if they were new. So, if a full-fledged gas mask is not in your budget, and you do not want to build one from a 2-liter soda bottle, consider a Full Face Snorkel Mask. In a true pandemic situation, all used protection equipment should be destroyed so this might not be a cost-effective use of the product but in a true emergency, safety is paramount to cost. Here are some YouTube videos on DIY masks from bottles. Emergency planning is mostly about education and developing a think-outside-the-box view of what most would consider obvious. So, while you may not go rushing out to buy one of these for the purpose mentioned here, you now have a concept that an "obvious" snorkel mask might be a tool to consider for another purpose in an emergency situation. As with all tools and equipment, test before it is actually necessary to use them. Resources: Purchase Professional Gas Masks Online DIY Build Sheet Stay Prepared With This DIY Riot Mask [Reference Link]

[11-Cs Basic Emergency Kit] [14-Point Emergency Preps Checklist] [Immediate Steps to Take When Disaster Strikes] [Learn to be More Self-Sufficient] [The Ultimate Preparation] [P4T Main Menu]

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[nopefun]

Interview #499: Li Hui

If you have been following art and photography online platforms, chances are you have come across Li Hui’s work before. I first stumbled upon her work on Flickr about a decade ago (yes, before Instagram and Tumblr, Flickr was the go-to place to share photography) and was immediately drawn to her sensibilities and the ability of her photographs to feel personal yet ambiguous.

Everyday situations become otherworldly and dream-like through her lens. There’s softness to the self-taught photographer’s images and a magic that can’t quite be put into words. We spoke to find out a bit more about her process and inspiration.

q: I've been a fan of your work since Flickr days, perhaps almost 10 years ago since I started Nope Fun, so I'm glad I finally got to interview you! How do you think your photography and approach has changed or stayed the same over the years? a: I miss the Flickr days. Thank you for following my work all this time! I actually don’t like Instagram, I’m showing my work there less and less, and I’m being careful because of their strict rules. I feel that photos are trapped in this little square. It’s not built for photography obviously. Fashionable and glamorous shots attract people to stay. But what I most love about photography is being honest. I’m just not able to show the whole me on Instagram.

I think I’ve been slightly changing my themes every year, but what I work on generally revolves around the same basic ideas. I do feel like I’ve been able to go deeper over the years.

q: There's a certain intimacy and sensuality in your pictures. From soft light on skin to textures in nature, portrayed in an ethereal way. What does intimacy mean to you? a: Life acts as a mirror, in the sense that there is something directly reflected back to me. I’m interested in sharing what I see and what I personally feel about my surroundings. Intimacy is a personal journey to highlighting this internal discovery.

q: How has the pandemic period been for you? Did you still continue photographing and making works? a: I was worried like everybody else at the beginning, but things got better after several months. So I started taking photos again before I lose touch and forget everything that I’ve learned. Luckily, I mostly work from home or somewhere in nature.

q: Some of your photos are more conceptual and staged. Could you tell us more about your process on how you conceptualise and carry out the ideas? a: These are actually not really planned in advance. I usually pick up the camera only because I’m in the right mood, not because I purposefully set up a particular scene. So basically, I shoot whatever I see. I found this mysterious connection and coincidence in the process of sorting through my works when I started publishing photo books. And then I kept this habit. It feels like playing a game to me, it’s a way to find the hidden common parts connecting everything in the universe.

q: You have published photobooks and exhibited your works. Could you share what you like about publishing or exhibiting your works? Any special memories? a: What I like most about the photo books and exhibitions is you can freely change the layouts, the size, the texture, and the ways you want to share your work with the audience without any disturbance, which is completely different from any online platforms.

I remember at one of my solo shows, I experimented with light in the entire space, and the venue was filled with colours when the sun shone through the windows.

q: You mentioned in other interviews that you are inspired by films, and your photos have a cinematic quality to them. Any favorite movies? a: I would say there are two movies that represent the two sides of me. Under the Skin by Jonathan Glazer and Ratcatcher by Lynne Ramsay.

q: What's your favourite fruit? a: Watermelon! I like the smell of it.

q: Upcoming projects or ideas? a: I’m thinking about compiling a book focused only on the mysterious and to collect all the things that I find fascinating. The works will be only shown in this book as a sort of interconnected story. I will not post those on Instagram as I spent too much time making everything over there feel “right”. It might tap into something otherworldly, the external and internal co-existing in a mysterious ether. This place encompasses the air that circulates, the light, the rhythms, everything around without distorting anything, but still with a slightly different angle than what we think of as our common reality.

q: Any music to recommend? a: I could recommend so much, but I often listen to Julianna Barwick when I take pictures.

her website, and Instagram.

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[aoitrinity]

Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it. 

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in. 

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length. 

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages. 

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money. 

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments. 

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve. 

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project