#basic shit like feeding myself or my fucking job!!!

[suhyeondosie]

i slept for like 24 hours again :(

literally woke up for a 45 min work meeting yesterday, went back to bed for two hours. woke up and did another 30 minutes of work. went back to bed for 12 hours. got up and ate some food. fell asleep on the sofa for another 6 hours

[marleyybluu]

Fezco x f!reader

WC: 1.1k

Warnings: I made this as fluffy and sweet as I could. shitty ending cus my attention span can't take it anymore lol

A/N: yes. another one. I said I was feeding yall fez content. quick write up to distract myself from finishing the long ones 🤪didn't know what to title it sorry lol

Growing up you didn't have an interest in being someone's wife, let alone a mother. For years you swore up and down you'd just be the aunty who occasionally kept her nieces and nephews for a week. And then you met him, and your whole persona changed, you found yourself doing domesticated shit and actually enjoying it.

He made it worth it. Your friends and even your siblings constantly stated how shocked they were to see you so in love, so sprung. He brought out the best in you and you hoped you were doing the same for him.

But in his daily activities, you saw the appreciation he had for you. The adoration in those pretty blue eyes, the blush that would creep on his face whenever he looked at you reminded you how he felt the same way he did.

And so one day, you married him. It was a small gathering, both of you didn't have a lot of family and friends so it was pretty intimate but truthfully you didn't want like three hundred guests at your feet anyway. You two were becoming each other's family so only the close ones needed to be there. The ceremony was quick but the reception lasted all night, it was too much fun, enjoying yourself as you saw your new husband let loose and actually dance, lip sync love songs to you with a huge grin on his face.

You knew you made a great decision in choosing your partner.

At the time you were still unsure of kids, and he knew that, said you're the one carrying so whatever you were good with, he was good with. So you went two years married without children, but eventually, you saw something that helped you make a decision. When your younger sister had her baby and asked Fez if he wanted to hold her, to your surprise he said yes. And seeing that little blanket in his arms, the way he looked down at her and smiled. You knew.

Knew that you wanted him to experience it for himself, knew that you'd have no regrets in changing your mind. Younger you would be shocked at how one person made you switch teams.

Next thing you knew you had your own little person growing inside, and Fez took great care of you, took over everything in the house that half the time you had to ask if he wanted help which most of the time he declined but you'd help anyway.

For those nine months, you watched him transform into a dad, getting the nursery together on his own as a surprise to you and he did an amazing job. And the night you went into labour you'd never seen him so calm and ready, for a first-time father he was not freaking out.

When your son was born you'd seen him shed a few tears, he repeatedly praised you and thanked you for providing another person to love. You got to see how attentive he was, rushing over to the baby at every little sound and squirm, hardly wanting to put him down. You had to pry your child out of his arms. He looked like Fez, got his eyes and a bit of ginger was noticed in his slick hair. His placenta perm as you called it, you both laughed.

For the next four years, he taught his son almost everything he could, how to brush his teeth, how to ride a bike, how to ride a scooter-- before he started school, hell before he could even walk, he'd been teaching how to read and write, do basic math and so on.

It made you want another, so bad, you'd give him a stadium full of kids if it meant seeing him like that.

Which led up to today, you looked down at your little girl in your arms. You gave birth the day before and it started all over again, you never knew you had so much room in your heart. You officially had three people living there. Fez sat on the bed with you looking at her, the small sighs that left her pouty lips.

"She's fucking beautiful." He complimented, his hand carefully ghosting over her hair. She gave you more heartburn than the last one. "She is." You cooed tapping her nose. While you stared down at you could feel his eyes darting over to you, you turned to face him, knowing what was coming.

"Thank you, for everything, for my family." You bent your lips in to hide your obviously growing smile. "I wouldn't have done it for anyone else."

"I love you." He murmured leaning over to press his lips against yours. "I love you more."

There was a soft knock at the door, it creaked open giving you a peek at your mother's head. "Can we come in?" She whispered, you nodded, she opened it wider allowing your son and Fez's brother Ashtray inside. "Hi, Mommy." Your son smiled, he pulled away from his uncle and rushed over to you with a bouquet of flowers. "I brought these for you."

You could cry. "Thank you, my baby. Can you put them on the table for Mommy?"

He nodded and tried his best to put on the surface but he needed a bit of help so Fez helped him. He put sanitizer on his little hands and Fez placed him on the bed next to you. "Is that my sister?"

"Yes, this is your sister." You answered teary-eyed. His little hand reached over to rest on the blanket. "She's tiny."

"She is, you were this size once."

He laughed, just staring at her the same way Fez did. "Would you like to hold her?" He quickly nodded, Fez helped him position his hands and placed a pillow under them, you carefully rested the little one in his arms. He giggled nervously when she moved around but she settled in his hold. "I like her."

Fez laughed kissing his head. "We're glad you like her bud."

You looked up at your husband and winked. Your moment was interrupted by a serious question from your young one. "Can I have another one?"

"Another what?"

"Baby sister, I want two."

You covered your mouth to muffle your laughter, Fez turned his head away to hide his. "Um," Your voice was shaky. "When she gets to be as tall as you, Dad and I will talk about it."

"Don't worry, you'll get another one soon." Fez chimed in, you looked up to protest but honestly... he was right.

You'd probably have another sooner than you think.

if you liked this feel free to like this comments and reblogs appreciated peace and love, see you in the next.

🏷: @skyesthebomb @darqchilddaydreamz @bigenergy777 @realhotgurlshit

[atla-confessions]

Because these people in this blog are currently having a heated discussion about something related to food and i liked doing the little confession about ATLA characters and customer service jobs, here’s how well I think ATLA characters cook (and if they can even cook or not):

Katara: cmon. it’s katara. yeah she can cook. she can make a damn good meal. is it healthy? yes. is it delicious? also yes. i think katara is probably an amazing cook. from cold to hot meals, simple to extravagant dishes, from vegetarian to meat lovers… she can do it all. (well, not ALL ALL, but you get the point; she’s talented.) she’s proud of her good cooking skills and WILL brag when she wants, thank yew very much. cooking is one of her love languages.

Sokka: now don’t kill me for this… but yeah he can cook. of course he can. and i don’t mean the open-minded sokka after kyoshi learned how to cook, i mean that boy has always known how cook since he was like twelve. and yeah i know he’s like Sexist or whatever in episodes 1-4 and when he was little but i swear to me it makes sense. he might’ve been sexist but he wasn’t stupid, cooking is a necessary skill that you’re required to have when you want to travel the world and become a warrior. sokka learned how to effortlessly war paint on, how to masterfully use a boomerang, how to hunt, how to fish, etc. … who’s to say cooking wasn’t one of those things? AND, no women were leaving with the men, which meant that the men would be cooking for themselves. sokka probably found this out and was like AH, BUT OF COURSE! IT’S MANLY TO KNOW TO HOW FEED YOURSELF! THIS MEANS I MUST LEARN HOW TO COOK IMMEDIATELY! sorry first i needed to justify myself because some people seem to think he’s incompetent when it comes to anything that people/the show deem as women’s work either subconsciously or not, like cooking. ok now onto his skills. yeah he can make a damn good meal as well. the water siblings are just like really good at cooking, both of em. he makes a mean grilled fish and an even meaner seal jerky. he’s especially talented at meaty dishes (of course) but he can also make nice vegetarian dishes when he’s cooking for the gaang. he can do… not mostly everything like katara, but that doesn’t mean he’s not skilled at cooking.

Zuko: love my boy, but he’s a spoiled guy. during the show he CANNOT cook. iroh makes his meals when they’re moving on foot. the ship’s cook makes his meals for him. when he’s alone? well… we all watched zuko alone… boy was Gaunt . wasn’t eating a damn thing and the things he did eat were stolen/not cooked by him/things he didn’t need to cook. now he can make Tea, but tea isn’t a meal. when zuko finds out both of the water sibling are amazing cooks he’s slighrly envious of them. now does this mean zuko NEVER learns how to cook? NO! he learns after the war when he can, but does this mean that he’s a good cook now that he’s learning? ALSO NO! he’s got the basics down and can feed himself if all else goes wrong and he’s stranded on a random deserted island, but that’s about it; he’s no katara or sokka, who both can make great meals for a shit ton of people. he will never get even remotely close to their level and he accepts this.

Toph: similar case to zuko’s. another spoiled kid who never had to pick up a ladle in her life and get stirring. but she’s literally blind, so it’s understandable that she probably wouldn’t be amazing at cooking. she most ljkely tried to cook once or twice and either burned the food or burned herself, or got mad and accidentally broke something. this is toph we’re talking about. she genuinely wants to learn how to make more meals than just simple cold sandwiches and stuff but she struggles greatly with it. when she was first introduced in the gaang, katara got upset when she refused to cook, but a simple ‘how do you guys keep forgetting i’m Blind’ shut her up real fast.

Suki: hell fucking yeah she can cook! what can she NOT do? she’s the leader of the kyoshi warriors. she’s an excellent fighter. she’s a kindhearted gal. she’s confident but not brash. we don’t know much about suki but trust me when i say that she can Cook. she’s really good with meals but her specialty is anything that’s remotely flashy. imagine those restaurants where the chefs make the food in front of you and get you to exclaim ooh and ahh. yeah that’s suki’s way of bragging about being a cool cook. sokka totally thinks it’s awesome and blushes whenever she makes meals for him because she makes sure to be flirty as FUCK! they have cooking dates together CONFIRMED! no no sorry no complaints talk to the wall yeah there you go… schmuck! (i like sukka can u tell?)

Aang: hmm. now this is a bit of a strange one. i think he CAN cook but not a lot of meals. he mostly cooks meals that originated the air temples but since they’re all vegetarian, most of his meals are cold and not hot, since there’s no need to heat up fruits or vegetables if you don’t want to. he also would ansolutely suck ass at making meaty foods but understandable because again he’s a veggie guy and he would never hurt an animal that way, all life is sacred to him. he’d try to learn how to cook meat for katara and his future children, but he’d end up feeling horrible the second he lays his eyes on any meat and would feel like he’s losing his touch with his culture. but katara’s there to comfort him and tell him that’s okay if he doesn’t learn how to cook meat. aang makes his vegetarian meals for the gaang and despite the fact that sokka really likes meat, he still compliments aang’s food and makes sure to eat it. they’re great pals, your honor. overall, aang is a good cook, but not very skilled when it comes to specific things. but still a good cook.

Should i do more? do these buds even like my little headcanons or assumptions or whatever? I saw a small spat about zuko’s customer service headcanon, so… don’t know if this’ll cause a spat or not. Just saying down here that these are all jokey jokes also Shit this was a lot of garbled writing!

[nonsensefromtheabyss]

I asked this about the aliens but now, do you have a favorite Riddle school child to write for or just their personality in general? (I have to admit for me Zack is way too funny sometimes)

Another excellent question I can’t answer concisely!

I have very strong and defined opinions about all of the aliens but aside from Phil, I think I know the kids a little less well. Riddle V.I.Z.ion only interacts with Not-Phil Humans comparatively briefly, so while I have distinct characters in mind for them, I didn’t engage with them to the same degree. Which is a shame in hindsight. 

When I started my rewrite I did pencil out more stuff with the group initially—just inconsequential hanging-out-at-the-house style shenanigans—but it got cut pretty early on ‘cause it felt like I was stalling the plot and the damn thing was already long as fuck, it didn’t need me fooling around any more than I was already. (‘kill your darlings’ is my actual least favourite piece of writing advice, but at some point I know if I don’t seize myself by the scruff of my neck and drag myself away from a project, it will never end … Why am I writing more if the story was supposed to end? My grip slipped.)

So! I liked writing for Phil most because I knew him best out of all of them. But in terms of personality, I think Phred would be a strong contender for favourite; he wants so badly to live a quiet life but he's surrounded by cosmic level shenanigans all the damn time. He's not like Phil, who actively invites this shit. He's playing the straight man to the universe itself. Comes home from his job at the supermarket and his todo list reads Check Intergalactic Criminals Haven’t Killed Anyone and Feed Cat, in that order. He’s on his fifth ‘damn that’s crazy’ and the person at the McDonald’s drive through is still telling their life story, except the person is me and the story is their lives going wrong. 

Phil and Zach I liked to use for jokes (Phil cause he’s Phil, and Zach cause he’s the liveliest character to me) but Phred and Smiley were both more grounded people in my mind; then the difference between them was that Smiley gets the serious side of the storyline and Phred gets to stand there like that guy who just wanted a waffle. One of them was always taking it seriously and the other said he’d do it on the night (and he did, go Phred.) The slowly draining sense of surrealism he experiences as things get worse is fun to imagine.

(I did actually draw up a very basic outline for the ways the kids interacted with the storyline when the other three had bigger roles; only shades of it showed through in the end, but I think it gives an impression of how I thought of them all:

Smiley: taking the situation seriously; wants to be anywhere else.

Phred: not taking the situation seriously; wants to be anywhere else.

Zach: not taking the situation seriously; wants to be involved.

Phil: taking the situation seriously; wants to be involved.)

For games, I like that Zach can be used as an item, I think that's neat. Sometimes you just have to put the homies in the inventory.

[miradelletarot]

Uh, Hi everyone!

So, I guess it's time I do one of those obligatory social media posts where I say "Wow! All these new people here! Time to introduce myself."

Well, let's see...I'm 38, I'm a tarot reader with my own website (please, save me from my two-job, 7-day work week hell, and buy a reading from me lol). I am considering streaming my readings again if i can find the time...we shall see how that goes lol. I am in the middle of a divorce after 16 yrs so sorry if I share my sad brain shit once in a while, and I am brainrotting all to hell b/c of Gale Dekarios. Oh, and I have a dog named Lady. I like cats, but I'm allergic (sorry, Gale). Most of the time, I am on here reblogging Gale-related things that make my brain do happy microwave noises, or posting about my OC x Gale fic series I am currently writing on AO3. It would really feed my praise kink if you read it. Even more so if you give me comments and kudos. Truly though, I LOVE connecting with other BG3 fans, and Galemancers/appreciators. Y'all keep me well-fed and happy. I love y'all. This blog is NSFW as fuck b/c as you can clearly see, I am a swear word enthusiast, and smut writer (well...ok. I write a little bit of decent-ish Gale smut. Don't get too excited).

You can basically find me everywhere as MiradelleTarot, or even just Miradelle. I guess that's it? idk. Y'all decided to follow me so hopefully I say words you like, or at least connect you to others who say words you like.

[theshelteredbrat]

I'm so done

I don't wanna take care of myself anymore

I don't want to feel anything anymore bc anything I do for some sense of happiness ends badly, makes me feel worse (mainly due to my parents)

But I can't even fucking cry when I try. When I really need to?

But I hate feeling numb so maybe pain will work?

And of course my parents are just sooooo supportive (sarcastic voice). My mom keeps saying things that are basically calling me fat and sluggish. My parents won't let me do shit. Then they get mad at me for so many small stupid things.

They hate whenever I listen to music which is basically my only outlet.

school is fun bc I put on a mask and tell bad jokes and trip over myself to make sure everyone's happy and I'm not hated.

Whenever someone's mad or sad I feel its my fault even tho ik it's not but I feel horrible. And whenever I do share my true feelings they'll either laugh and dismiss it (which happens most of the time) or they get super concerned and I feel like I'm acting out for attention.

And idk I usually regret posting shit like this bc people are always rlly concerned but its sweet considering yall care about me a lot more than most ik irl but plz don't waste ur time over me. Im an attention seeking bitch whos not worth ur time and is js venting

Church and youth group is just great bc God don't care about me. I believe he exists bc I swear he has a grudge against me but he don't bother about me. And I feel like I'm getting preached at whenever I go. But I love the people there and can't really not go to church bc of my parents

And home is just SO MANY FUCKING CHILDREN

Like wtf I'm the oldest, then I get three siblings, which is fine, i love them they're js rlly annoying. Then they get into foster care. Then they stop. Now they're adopting someone. Now they're taking in six boys.

And ik the home is supposed to be a safe space and that's great but I feel so out of place and unwanted and useless. I literally take up a room, a drawer in the bathroom, I eat food. I shower, I use electricity, and tons of money

And I can't get a moment of peace, its literally do this, do that, and chores is good for taking responsibility but like wtf. I feed 1-8 children, get half of them dressed, help with brushing hair and teeth. Now I have to help them learn to read. Help them do their homework. Take them on a walk. Change the diaper.

Wtf this is parenting stuff I shouldn't have to be doing this everyday. My mom doesn't even have a job, she just has two kids during the day and will have to pick kids up (we all go to the same school except for one who takes the bus) and I'm yelled at all the time for being incompetent? For not finding a mess to clean up in a room I haven't been in all day?

For not doing homework when I'd helped everyone else? For not having time to get myself ready bc I have to get kids ready? For not exercising when there's literally no time? For not reading when I don't have any freedom. For saying yes, for saying no, for not having anyextracurricular, for having one?

My mom yells at me that I don't talk to my family enough or spend enough time with them. Do you know how many times I've tried to tell a joke or a cool fact or something funny that happened at school and they yelled at me to be quiet? How many times I've tried to tell them about my friends or a project at school or a new interest I've picked up to be insulted by them? They never fail to point out some flaw or traits that they don't like. How I didn't do something correctly.

Do you know how badly I've wanted to hear "I'm proud of you" in a nondissmissive way? From my family? I heard that from a teacher once in my life. Best memory ever.

I'm so fucking useless and unwanted and numb and tbh i deserve the pain and suffering of life. The mask at school and youth group may crumble and hopefully they'll dismiss me but they almost might get rlly concerned and ill js be the attention seeking bitch like I always am.

Oh God please ignore me. Don't be concerned. Don't waste your time on me. I'm js being a dumb little teen. Sorry if you read that all

[carmenized-onions]

im trying to write my own carm fic and u just amaze me—how do u write about food so well ? is it prior knowledge, research? i know nothing but i want to incorporate food like u do ♥️♥️ big hearts for the fic!!

im so happy that anyone thinks i write food well so thank you thank you thank you first of all

second of all whatever you write i'm sure it'll be wonderful!!! and third!! it's a mix of a lot let's chat about food for a moment possibly a long moment get over here

I just like food. Just a big fan of food. Very much so a big part of like my culture/family/friends dynamic is showing love through feeding each other/eating together/sharing recipes etc etc-- So in that regard! When it comes to loving food! THat's just me

I have never worked a service job i hope no one can tell. I have friends/family/roommates that work in food service so most RESTAURANT things are from them however MAKING DISHES OOOHHHH

Fuck it, every recipe in Chicago's Kindest and their origins compilation!

Pork Brisket Sandwich!

Pretty much just following the recipe of one of the best sandwiches I've ever had that a dear friend of mine and her partner made me one night. I added the garlic confit because it's Carmen, and I've made confit before so like-- It's good. I think it'd go well. I guess when it comes to things like salt beds, acid/sweet, that just comes from me knowing how to cook a little bit kind of.

Wagyu Steak, Mushrooms, & Croquettes!

This one I straight up yoinked from Daniel NYC, a Michelin Star restaurant who I take from a lot (Yeah it scared the shit out of me when they showed up in the opener of season 3, fucking cameras in my HOUSE good lord.) I found them by looking for reviews of Michelin Star restaurants in New York and found a review of this plate specifically.

I did add the gruyere center to put a slight spin on it, and also made it 3 pieces of steak instead of two. Because One I think 2 cubes is a rip off and 2 I have had croquettes before and they are deeply unsatisfying to chew they need SOMETHING in the middle.

Breakfast Bruschetta !

This is just my own recipe-- I love this to make this for myself on like a weekend when I have the time, or make this for friends when they sleepover. It's good! I prefer feta to parm, also. You also don't have to use basil. Frankly basil is too fragrant. I just have a lot of basil because I grow it.

I don't remember how and why I came up with it-- I think I just really fuck with bruschetta and also love breakfast and eggs.

Oxtail Hot Pocket Wellington

So this is the original recipe from Daniel NYC, however I don't believe they sear it? Reason being, I researched different parts of this recipe and basically-- I knew I wanted it to be bad and go wrong, and specifically be extremely bitter.

And while googling keywords found that searing Fois Gras/Duck can cause a bitter taste! Not sure if it's bitter enough to cause the violent reaction everyone had, but works for me. And then it got altered, of course--

I have no idea if this would work. In theory I think it would. I did make this all up. Feta does have tang. Basil is fragrant. Beef Oxtail Wellington is a thing. I can't see why adding sauces to the internal pastry wouldn't work all that differently than basting with butter?

Again. I guess I just like cooking. But also research! Who is still reading this, who cares. whatever let's keep goin'

Cherry & Lamb :'(

This one was taken from Le Pavillion, Daniel Boulud's restaurant (Yeah, 'Boulud Nod' also scared the shit out of me in season 3), it's also a Michelin Star I believe? I looked over their website/menu after finding them through a directory of restaurants, and I knew I wanted to do something with cherries, so I was really blessed with this recipe from them truly.

Did research on terms I didn't understand, like montmorency and aigre-doux and what the fuck was up with lamb saddle-- I did add the basil because it makes me emotional and Carmen's fuckin obsessed with microgreens as has been made clear.

Oh fuck I did forget drinks are probably also important. We'll talk about the aperol spritz in a second but when it comes to lavender coffee/ black lavender latte-- Man. I just like cardamom and Carmen makes me think of lavender. idunno i'm gay, ANYWAYS

Pop Rocks & Steak :-O

This one is from my brain. As far as I know no Michelin Star place has made something savoury with pop rocks. I did do a dash of research on interesting things people are doing with pop rocks, and did see some fucking psycho on reddit making short ribs with pop rocks, and their girlfriend did think they actually tasted good, and that they caused a salavating of the tongue that made it melt very well

A3 Wagyu - Wagyu is like, marbled steak, and I knew he'd want the quality (it's the BEST!) but in my understanding of food, marbled fat would probably make the pop rocks preemptively melt and so it wouldn't have the same effect-- Looked at a Wagyu chart, found that A3 has less fat more meat, bingo bango

Pomegranate molasses-- It's fruity and it's used in barbecuing all the time-- I figured it'd be the perfect melder of the two concepts. However I do not know how one could make it sorbet thick. that's not my job though, that's carmen's. Would this taste good? I have no idea.

Aperol Spritz, Pink Pepper & Grapefruit

I kept seeing signs on the subway home advertising a ready made canned Aperol Spritz. I haven't actually had one myself. I get a vodka cran and I fuck off, personally. However--

These descriptions are all from research (googlin), and the grapefruit/pink pepper is from me really enjoying the spritz pink pepper scent in the perfumes Missing Person by Phlur and Glossier's You. And I was like oh that'd be nice with grapefruit. They make grapefruit pink pepper bitters? Google search! Yeah they do! Probably would be good. And to me it's very Carmen.

Coconut Emulsion & Souffle

This one was from the fact that I knew I wanted 3 things. I knew I wanted the recipe to come from Chip washing her makeup off, I knew I wanted to have an emulsion, because I think that's a fun word to say, and I knew I wanted it to be coconut-- Cause white, like cleansing balm.

And so, googled Michelin Star Coconut Emulsion. After a lot of scrolling, found Michelin Guide's article on Kei Kobayashi, a chef from Japan earning 3 stars (congrats baby!) and in it, whatdya know?

(combawa is also known as kaffir limes, did some googling, they're known for their zest and stronger scent in comparison to your average lime. )

i've been talking for so long.

what i'm trying to say is i do a lot(? is it alot? idk) of research. I go in with a loose idea of 'i know i want this aspect to this dish' and i go from there!! i also have started taking photos of menus at restaurants and trying to come up with my own shit.

I love food, so it's fun to talk/think about!! I think watching bon apetit back in the day really had an effect on me, honestly. If you want to get into thinking about insane ways to make food, no one was doing it like Sohla when they were so lucky to have her. So i'd reccomend just like,,, OPEN UR BRAIN!! GET WEIRD!! DO A LOOSE BIT OF RESEARCH BUT ALSO SOMETIMES MAKE IT THE FUCK UP!! HAVE FUN!! that's the point !

[tobiasdrake]

A hopeless confrontation with a hopeless demon.

Quarble, he's too fast. I've tried to dodge and weave and watch for openings but he nails me every time. No matter what I do, it's like he's right there, waiting for me to do it. I can't get away from him.

"Look, man. This is just a job. I'm not your therapist. Figure it out or don't."

You really don't have any ideas? You don't know anything or... have any suggestions I can use here?

How am I supposed to beat this guy, Quarble? Eleven times. He's gutted me eleven times. Yeah, okay, lesson learned about underestimating people, but I've been trying really hard. Was I wrong to think I could actually do this?

Maybe he was right. Maybe I'm at my limit. Maybe... this is where my journey ends.

"...push... through...."

Did you say something, Quarble?

"Yeah, I said 'If I don't get any Time Shards soon I'm bailing. Have fun getting dissected again.'

No, there was something... like a flicker....

"Hallucinations may be an occasional side effect of being gruesomely butchered, revived, and butchered again repeatedly in a short time period. I say 'may be' because most people give up and accept the sweet embrace of death well before it ever gets to this point."

"It's a mistake to rely on speed alone; It's too easy to push through. I figured that out early in our training. Zale learned it shortly after."

We go through.

I've been letting this job get in my head. Trying to be more cautious. Trying to be mindful. But the answer was right there in the fable. I need to stop running.

Luana spent her whole life sparring with a Blade Dancer. It's a style eerily similar to Brugaves's new demon style. To the point that it almost seems like a cruel joke for Aephorul to forge him this way.

Nobody knew better than her how to counter that style. And she wrote it down. You don't run away from a Blade Dancer. You go through.

If he's too fast for you, then he may just as easily be too fast for himself. All you have to do is stand your ground and let him strike himself upon your weapon.

I've been getting in my own head. Worrying about stupid things like safety and protecting myself. When I should have been asking the obvious question from the start.

What would Luana do?

Hey! Goat-licker. Imagine selling out the people who love you so you can be the Acolytes' gofer. I can't even be vindictive about it 'cause having to live like this is punishment enough.

Sure, you used to have respect, admiration, kids looking up to you with stars in their eyes, and a dedicated life-partner who'd do anything for you. But you're right, kissing the foot of a four-headed butt-chugger every morning is just as fucking good, isn't it?

You're a coward and a fool, Barma'thazel. You were barely any good as a Solstice Warrior. And now you're a bottom-feeding parasite living in a hellhole, clinging desperately to the one gift his master graced him with.

The goddess forgot about you long ago. She's over you. And I'm done running from you. Because I'm better than you.

It's called crippling overspecialization, ass-weevil. You'd think a general of an armed forces would be able to grasp a concept as basic as that. But I guess you're just too slow.

Hold up. Do you mean that in the figurative sense? Like, we are all pieces in a larger game that cares nothing for winners and losers, and so in the grand scheme of things we are all doo--

NOPE LITERAL SENSE VERY LITERAL SENSE GODDAMMIT

SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK

WHY

WHY CAN'T I EVER JUST WIN SOMETHING

I LOOKED SO COOL BACK THERE

MY HAT WAS SET TO MAXIMUM AWESOME

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

YEEEEEEEEEES Holy shit, thank you prophesized Lifesaver. Wentworth, you are a sight for sore eyes.

...wait, what?

...

Errors have been made. You know, I thought you looked a little small to be the colossal dragon that Luana wrote about but I just figured she'd embellished.

In any case, THANK YOU DRAGON BESTIE WOO FUCKING HOO

Let's blow this shithole and go home!

*deep breath*

In your name.

[space-blue]

wait hold on… can u elaborate about the australian slavery situation??? what did it inspire u to write??

Hah, sure! You'll find a lot of it answered in this previous ask!

Basically in Australia if you want a second year on your working holiday visa, you have to do work in some countryside postcodes. The laws have changed around it, but back then (2014?) it was basically a hellscape of modern slavery. There's a horror film about that sort of job actually! Very funny--may not watch lol

I went to a lady who lived in Grafton and who was certified batshit. It was very very bad. I worked without equipment, sometimes ankle deep in mud, in the rain, feeding horses in my bikini because that way I could hose myself down.

I had to carry and lift bags of feed, 25 or 50kg... And make feed at night, boiling it. The room we kept the feed in was a container, and from the moment the sun set, the walls would come alive. tapestry of dancing roaches.

That's me ^ and the feed 'shed'.

The horses, of course, were great and always good company...

(that's not me but a fellow slave).

The worst though was not the insects crawling in, the black widows by the dozen, the flying roaches in my face or me having to sic the dogs on nesting mice... It was the barking.

One of the bitches had pups and was underfed. The neighbour threatened to kill her if she didn't stop killing his chickens. So instead of feeding her better, they turned the cage like space I'm in on that first pic, into an improvised kennel for SEVEN dogs. The puppies? Kept alone across the yard.

That bitch barked all night, non stop. It drove me to madness. It drove me to dark, dark places. I considered killing her myself. It was so bad, I eventually wrote a short story where Obi-Wan Kenobi breaks on Kadavo due to sleep deprivation! Then it turned into my first finished long-ish fic fix it, I'm very proud of it lol

He's lifting rocks, pushing carts, choking on his daily portion of mouldy bread, staring into the middle distance. He keeps his thoughts far from the things and people he loves, afraid that handling such precious memories might sully them, taint them with the same revolting grime that mats his hair and cakes under his nails. He feels his soul unravelling. The once thick and vibrant weave of his personality a moth-eaten rag, fraying under his touch. The person he was... The calm, collected man, sometimes to a fault... Sometimes a little too cold and obedient... Where has he gone? Like a shade into darkness, swallowed by something greater than himself.

Anyway, in the middle of that madness I started writing a 'novel' that was very much a vampire romance in which it's not *quite* vampires akchually... But then it evolved into an idea I really cherish, and wish I had the writing chops to work on soon.

So yeah anyway, I was mega broke as in '100$ and nothing else', was not paid, forced to work daily, even wash the family's stuff every day and roll the towels like in a 5 star hotel. I had no car and no money to get a way out.

The crazy horse lady kicked me out with no warning though, and I was rescued by lovely (and deeply racist) people. Before making my way to another horse person, a guy this time, who gave me a camping stove and a mattress in the room at the end of his stables.

I mucked shit every day while listening to Benedict Cumberbatch's reading of Kafka's Metamorphosis. There's a joke somewhere in there.

Here I am, over my pile of shit :

This is an era of my life where I had no money and no internet banking, and had to ask the cashier to 'please try again' after taking a can out of the shoping, and another can, and another...

I also, tragically, read The Collector, by John Fowles. That book left me so physically distressed, I was sick to my fucking stomach. I picked up the Exorcist to try and wash my palate! But finally I searched for fellow writers online, feeling my sanity was slowly unraveling...

And I found a forum of fantasy and scifi writers who ran a small monthly short story competition! I wrote my first in one day, while mucking stables... Sat at my diner of frozen potatoes and slammed my first 1.5k words short story ever. It featured an immortal gunslinger in a post apocalyptic wasteland. Strong beginings.

You can read most of those short stories here.

I participated almost religiously to this, for years. By the time I entered fanfic-world, I had almost 7 years of this under my belt.

I'm definitely sure it rescued my sanity.

[icedmetaltea]

Health anxiety: something is wrong Me: no dude lol you're being dramatic everything is fine Body: randomly develops a nut allergy (?) Body: blood pressure consistently 130-150/80-110 at night for some reason Body: suddenly can't tolerate yogurt- including lactose free Body: Mysteriously loses 1-2 lbs per week when not on diet past month Body: constant anxiety even when not pmsing Health anxiety: come on man Me: EVERYTHING IS FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE WE'RE DEFINITELY NOT GETTING CANCER OR HEART DISEASE OR ANYTHING AHAHAHAHAHAHA

(incoherent venty stuff below, tw for suicidal thoughts and just... idk weird psychosis type stuff ig)

I can't even go to the doctor cause agoraphobia and like... even then they just blame everything on anxiety. Even when my BP is this erratic, anywhere from 110/60-156/110, and I can't make a telehealth appointment for some goddamned reason that they won't explain

And I don't know if they'll sign that form so I can get ebt and ya know not starve (I sent it via email but I got said email from a static-filled call so I don't even know if it's the right address or if they'll do it digitally)

And from the sounds of things they won't make me a note to file for a tuition appeal so I'll be saddled with a $700 fine that'll go to collections if I can't pay it by december WHEN I HAVE $600 IN MY BANK and I need it to pay for basic living essentials till I can get approved for SSI IF I even can which will take at LEAST 6 months

and everything adds up, toothepaste, paper towels, laundry soap, dish soap, sponges, trashbags, pads... the list goes on and it adds up so fast

And nobody aside from the therapist has shown any goddamned empathy for me when I've made calls, it reaaaally feels like the doctors and nurses just hope I kill myself, cause it'd be easier for them, cause I'm a burden, cause it's easier for me to die than for them to make me a telehealth appointment or sign a goddamned 1-paper form so I can fucking feed myself and not be saddled with debt

it'd be so much easier for everyone

I've been thinking about blowing my brains out all day. it used to be just when I was pmsing but it's been pretty much all month when my imaginary friend isn't distracting me with stupid shit and/or age regressing to cope

I just think, sure the gun would be expensive but then I wouldn't have to worry about money anymore, or panic attacks, or being a financial burden to my mom, or being a disappointment, or PMDD, or sleeping till 4pm when the depression gets bad, or anything

Nothing at all. Just blackness. Or maybe there's something after death, idk. Maybe I'm going to heaven or hell, but either way hopefully things just... are different there. No more capitalism. No more mental health shit. No more jobs and school and people working just to work and then die, no more of your worth getting judged by how smart you are or how valuable you are as a wage slave

No more heart pounding, no more gasping for air for the 20th time as I try to sleep, no more walking around in dreams where I feel like a ghost (and yet I look forward to it bc at least it's... different. It's somewhere than isn't here) no more waking up disappointed that I even woke up

No more thinking about how my parents are gonna die someday and then I'll really be alone

No more thinking about how my sibling left me

No more thinking about how my best friend left me

No more anything

I don't expect to make it to the end of this year. I don't know when I'll do it but it's kinda a given. I should've just let myself freeze to death back in December like I'd originally planned. At least I could die to something I loved. Why'd I bother sticking around? What have I gained? I'm just living to live

What, to finish all those books? I have hundreds, I'll never finish them all

To finish that game? I'll never finish that either

To get on SSI? I probably won't even be approved before trump takes power (be honest with yourself, you know he will. A war's coming and it ain't lookin good for people like us. He wants people like us dead)

It's so dark and lonely tonight. I have a billion thoughts in my head and it's supposed to be better now bc it's not my luteal or follicular phase... I can't even have the one good week I'm supposed to have PMDD-wise

I just can't stop thinking about how much better everything would be without me. And idk I feel kinda in a way like said imaginary friend is like... idk shutting down my body somehow. Cause even they know it's for the best. I know that's just psychosis brain talking cause they're not real but at times like these I wonder

But man, I wish if that was the case they'd make it quick and painless. A gun would be easier, just saying. Oh but it'd be too loud, make too much of a mess, blah blah blah... it's quick and effective. Sure it might not work and turn me into a vegetable. Prolly wouldn't though. It works more often than hanging/blood loss/jumping. I know they don't want me gone but even they have to admit it's about time. They've known it for a long time. I should've frozen to death. It would've been quick in 0 degree weather. We could've listened to music. Mom and dad wouldn't have found us till morning.

But no. Just had to chicken out

Ugh

[winns-stuff]

LO APPRECIATION:

Okay, sadly I don’t have much information on this being and I’m not sure what to call them since she was a side character but y’all remember that cat banker that Hades intimidated for doing her job? Yeah, we’re celebrating her today. Let’s all clap because she deserves so much respect.

What’s insane to me is that she got mistreated by Hades at work during his so called “love arc” and yet no one bats an eye? Now imagine if this was Demeter everyone would be so fucking pissed. The blatant hypocrisy of it all is infuriating to me because I’m tired of this “let’s hold this character accountable but ignore the character who does worser shit!!” like no, if you’re really about holding characters accountable I expect there to be no biases or anything because Hades has been the absolute biggest menace in this whole comic and it needs to be addressed or else I’ll uproot myself and I don’t even know how to do it or what that means.

My thing with this interaction is that it was so disgusting. That whole episode made me want to rip out my spleen, how the hell are you going to get mad at that lady for following basic bank orders? She asks for Persephone’s ID and instead of just going to get her one Hades gets fucking furious are you serious? Why does everyone just look the other way with that? The fact that the employees are terrified of him coming and have to prepare themselves for his attitude is completely and utterly wretched. Like this isn’t the first time Hades has gone out of his way to abuse his powers just for Persephone’s sake, and I think it’s fucking ridiculous. Don’t you think she’ll need an ID to interact with your modern and up to date world? Don’t you think she’ll need to learn things on her own because she’s going to be down there? Or does Hades just like her having the IQ of a fucking donut and likes the fact that she HAS to depend on him for regular everyday shit.

This isn’t what respect looks like folks. If I’m in a relationship with you and you feel the need to spoon feed me every bit of information and keep things from me for my sake we might as well not even be together. It’s not a relationship it’s a paternal thing that we’re trying to mark as a relationship. Think about it, Hades helps Persephone with everything, explains everything to her, lends her money, protects her, and speaks on her behalf. Who does that remind you of? A father. Hades is taking the role of a father and Persephone the child because she’s retaining all of this information from him and him only, many other people have already told her things that Hades had to dumb down for her but she only listens to Hades about it? Who else does that? A young child with their parents because they know them and they have the upmost trust with them. It’s giving Father-Daughter and I’m so upset no one calls this stuff out, it’s sick to even create something like this and market it as a romance. Romance is an art form between two souls, it’s beautiful and messy, passionate and determined, creative yet powerful. Romance is so important in literature and movies and Love is a key thing that makes us who we are, it shouldn’t be used like this.

Anyways, back to the gorgeous bank manager and her employee. I loved her design I thought it was so cute and really unique, her eyes stood out and I loved the way her outfit complimented her.. fur? Everything went well with it and she’s literally the only thing I enjoyed in that chapter cause she was so breathtaking she deserves the world and more because god… The way she was treated made me want to eat a damn tree. It was so angering cause he didn’t even have to do that at all it was unnecessary and completely immature.

I loved her little personality too, she seems like the type of person to get things done and I respect that a lot because it’s a refreshing character trait from the main cast. She also seems approachable, likable, charming, kind, encouraging, responsible, and overall wonderful. I love her and I would love to see a webtoon only starring her cause let’s be real, someone needs to guide Hades on how to be a better boss and king, and who else to do it then the queen herself? The bank manager.

Anyways, sadly that’s all I can say about her since we know so little but genuinely I’m so upset how overlooked and ignored she was in that episode. She didn’t deserve any of that for doing her job, Hades deserves to get fucking fired fuck him. Also sorry for the little rant but I was trying to refresh my memory of her and I had to sorta read the episode, update that shit gave me a migraine with how shitty he was. I’m really at my limit if I see Hades mistreat another innocent bystander literally doing nothing I might make a 20 paragraph post about how disgusting and vile I think he is because there’s no words to describe the things I wanna talk about with him. My hate for him is genuinely with the passion of a million suns, he’s terrible. Anyways, love her and her magnificent employees <3

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y'know i watch a lot of dave ramsey on my fb feed, ever since my parent sent me the video where a young couple had $750,000 worth of student loan and other debt. but like. although most of their advice is relatively okay/good for saving up and getting out of debt, the one piece of advice i take issue with today, mostly bc i feel like being pissed about something is "just get any job before you get THE job! you need work and money TODAY and also a side hustle if you have free time to watch netflix between 3 other jobs!"

like. i have been TRYING to just get ANY job for a year now, ever since i left my shitty and toxic asf traineeship/cadetship..... that made me so fucking anxious and stressed that i crashed my car so bad that i bashed in my back windscreen, my boot/trunk and knocked off my back wheels and exhaust pipe (and i also destroyed their multilevel parking.... and i refused to follow up on their building insurance to fix. ALSO my car is actually fine. my insurance fixed it lmao. it took like 3 whole months).

i've been trying for the past year ever since my shitty overly critical, controlling and micromanaging boss completely ruined my chance of a good stable job where i got BUMPED UP from trainee to a full admin assistant during the interview process..... all because i REFUSED to listen SPECIFICALLY to her and hr to be a disability/community support worker bc "tHeY'rE sOoOoOo DeSpErAtE fOr WoRkErS wHy DoN't YoU cArE!!!!????" and "SHE HAS THE WRONG PERSONALITY FOR ADMIN!!!!!" et al.... that she called me to demand to know EXACTLY what jobs i was applying for directly after she gave that bullshit reference report so she could guilt me to "use your (my) giving heart." *enter every tag rant i've made about this sitch on this hellsite here*

where people, performance and culture told me to get assessed and medicated for anxiety and depression. where one of the course coordinator ladies of the cert IV in housing course i did as part of this program told me to "hurry up and get assessed and medicated for ADHD bc it's ruining your KPIs and business performance!" bc i went too fast through my assessments for her to help me..... and "YoU'rE NoT fIgHtInG fOr YoUr CaReEr HaRd EnOuGH!!!!" whenever i got told both by my manager and my mentor that any chance for me to move up or do anything for my assessments was "not relevant to you" (even in TEAM MEETINGS!) and "just accept it's not in YOUR journey with us!!!". and finally where another coworker kept asking me if i had some undiagnosed disability that i hadnt told them about.... on the way to one of the very seldom inspections that i was SUPPOSED to be doing by myself, by the end of the program. but they continually barred me from doing. how the fuck was i meant to stay here and do anything successfully and healthily in this toxic ass workplace???

i've tried for a fucking year to get "just any job". be it from kmart to fucking heavy labouring shift work at the local steelworks.... bc i am fucking desperate.... to even a support worker in the last couple of months. that i didnt have good ref reports for (and quite understandably so this time bc this job is basically like rudimentary nursing which i've NEVER been interested in). but again i was desperate. and i wanted to test shit boss's/shit HR's hypothesis that it was "an instant job! it'll be so easy for you! bc you're so nice, and giving, and down to earth, and friendly!!! all it is, is making friends all day with your interests!! what the perfect job for you!!' ma'am i am NOT 18 like your son that you keep referencing whenever we talk about this. i am 27/28 (at the time). why the fuck are you SO condescending, belittling and supercilious?

i have been trying for a fucking year to get any fucking job possible.... when it's literally impossible.... when even rudimentary/entry level jobs like working at kmart or woolies or even as a door greeter/customer service person at a local bank; come with test after test after test after test...... that give you results like "you have big dreams and we can't help you achieve them!" or "you have NO emotional regulation and intelligence, and resilience skills whatsoever. why did you even apply to work for social services?! goodbye." or "you don't know what INNOVATION means bc you're too scared to try or come up with new ways to do things." shitbot.AI for social services. you're a government agency. you're the LEAST innovative fucking business in the ENTIRE country.... for personality readings. batshit insane multi-tasking tests like this one:

i NEVER pass these tests, whether they're the standard personality test or the psychometric tests like the one pictured, or the system thinking ones... fictional staff IM chat ones; etc etc etc. FOR A FUCKING SEWING/ARTS/HABERDASHERY SHOP. the list goes on and on. where you only have 30 seconds to get every little bit of it right in 20 questions. i failed that screenshot test big time for the local bank. bc i can't math and i felt way too rushed.

there's so many job descriptions you have to dodge bc they don't list salary properly (eg monthly figures i've seen for writing jobs or one for working for influencers i saw last week) OR even AT ALL..... instead sometimes they just "profile salary match" bc they don't want to pay jack fucking shit. overly presumptuous and fucking patronizing as all fuck small business owners who are SO FUCKING sanctimonious about the supposed importance of working in a FAMILY OWNED small business as opposed to a MuLtInAtIoNaL where apparently "you can just go home and forget about work! not HERE!" that's such a massive red flag. since they think that, from the outset, they have the RIGHT to treat APPLICANTS like they have shit-for-brains for 85k a year...... and begging for this specific attribute in the JD from applicants:

that hey. maybe it's not fucking worth applying for that and losing my sanity over ANOTHER god-awful boss and a 2hr commute to work (ie it was in southwestern sydney which is a 2hr commute for me where i live). also, as a caveat. who the fuck has had stable employment since 2020???? since the worldwide fucking pandemic??? where so many industries have laid off droves and droves of employeess??? and it's still happening?? like ok given this was as a HR admin support position and i assume a lot of HR people had career stability during the last 4 years. but also. what the ACTUAL fuck.

i am TRYING to get any fucking job possible. but it's hard to take some jobs seriously. these are the attributes of some influencer advertising/marketing firm and one of their "KPI's/company values was "honor" and was like "honor the vibes and the company" or whatever the fuck i found on indeed last week:

it's also hard to take some admin jobs seriously. for example, a local wealth management firm DOESN'T list the salary of a customer service/admin/whatever the fuck else they called it "rockstar/superstar"position..... that DEMANDS the desired candidate does the job of the equivalent of 6 other people in their branch whilst ALSO doing the admin work of their two other regional offices. what the fuck is the pay for this position??? why won't you list it??? is just THAT GOOD AND HIGH???? or just THAT LOW AND AWFUL???? fucking list it, you dumb cowardly bastards.

again, i've been trying to get any job for the past fucking year, that i've finally started to slightly dumb down my resume by finally deleting my advanced diploma of marketing. it's a daily fucking struggle to not go feral and start bitch-posting on my linkedin about how fucked up the job market is. but obvs i can't do that when have Shit HR and other people from my first job lurking on my LI feed. or start a tiktok parodying the goddamned motherfucking mindfuck tactics of the useless fucking job market before throwing my 12 year old laptop out the fucking window. "just get any job" is NOT possible anymore when that "just any job" in retail or call centres (although rip me for leaving after barely a month bc a shitty call centre i worked for in feb/march this year REFUSED to fix a backend issue on THEIR END but kept blaming it on me and it ruined my training period).... are just so mind fucky and tiring that it's straight up NOT even worth applying.

it's straight up not worth applying to a job that some local social service org sends you directly on seek (or maybe another job site) bc they think you fit the profile for a traineeship in business admin. only then, when you apply you're marked "unlikely to progress" bc you decided to list your desired salary at the higher end (apparently) of the trainee pay grade in australia (50k) bc you believe you shouldn't be expected to stay at 45k for TWO MORE FULL YEARS during that traineeship (with a vain hope that hopefully, HOPEFULLY, they'll keep you on at the end of it)... bc you NEED to start paying off your student loans automatically through your pay. BUT. oh no. that was too high of an ask for your quals/experience apparently. they WANTED you to low ball at 45k (or even lower) and be happy about it. so they reject you. when THEY sent YOU the job.

it's not worth trying to get "just any job", when famously even food chains in the US, like i think it's panera bread (and also walmart) are using 2 hour avatar-esque personality tests to screen ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE out of the pool except for like 2 people. every second job i get suggested on linkedin is just applicant pooling websites (or straight up scams where the pay is ONLY listed in US $$) where businesses just straight up ignore your applications bc they forgot they even made an account on it (imo) so you HAVE to make an account on THEIR actual site..... when some dumb-ass career-advice-fluencer on my fb feed (and the tik of the tok) tells you that's exactly how you get your application ignored, while flogging THEIR applicant pooling and job searching/resume writing AI advice software website.

"just any job before you get THE job", my fucking ass. this no longer fucking possible. and also cut the shit about overworking yourself to death with 10,000 different side hustles. bc that's exactly how i i nearly fucking died in 2020 at 20 fucking 5 in hospital with a stomach tumour..... after TOO MANY years of uni where the supposed importance of "innovative systematic entrepreneurial flair go-getter thinking of the future" was being espoused to me on the fucking daily. like dgmw, i know people are doing side hustles in these fucked up high cost of living times (and also im actively thinking about doing door dash since NO ONE is bothering to hire me)... but god the "if you have time to have down time with netflix why arent you filling your time with 15 side hustles to get your net worth to 1 million bucks??????" is fucked up. let people NOT work themselves to death outside of the mandatory 2 full time and 1 part time or casual or any other mix of jobs that people just need to fucking SURVIVE today.

[docholligay]

Doc are you concerned that AI's will soon be able to write novels?

I was actually talking to someone about AI this morning and it reminded me of this ask.

I am hoping that the whole art AI thing blowing up has made people actually realize what AI actually does and why we all should have been against it in the first place, and maybe, just maybe, this will work, but I actually doubt it.

Like, AI does now, and always has, simply scraped information from the internet and reconstituted into the fast food version of whatever it's being asked for. I do not like this, and I did not like this when it was stealing work from translators, but apparently that made me hysterical and anti-technology and classist or whatever.

So I am a little annoyed that people are now like, "I never thought leopards would eat MY face!!!" about AI, basically because art got involved. But honestly I don't care as long as people actually do turn the tide on it. I can be annoyed. It's a survivable condition.

ANYWAY, am I concerned? I'm not a novelist, and I am lucky that the writing I do about TV shows would be very difficult for an AI to replicate. I'm not a copywriter, another job that is in a lot of trouble from this. So, from a job perspective, no, I'm not concerned. As far as fanfic writing, well, I've read some AI generated fiction writing and I like to think I'm slightly better than that, at the very least. But if I'm not I can probably still feed myself.

I do think YA writers should be concerned because it's a much less complex and formulaic form of writing that's much easier to replicate, and I don't mean that in a shady way at all, children's authors and picture books are in the same book.

But you know who should really be concerned? Colleges. Because you know what is the easiest form of writing to AI generate? Basic paper writing from kids that don't have a lot of analytical skill but can definitely regurgitate simple ideas in a format asked for by the prompt. College degrees are meaningless NOW, I can only imagine how much worse it'll get.

We're living in a hell of our own making! It's kind of like when I was telling everyone, YEARS ago, that putting a whole bunch of connected tech in our cars was bad, got called a grandpa, and now people are like, "BMW can just shut off your heated seats??" and I'm rolling my eyes in my 96 corolla that could be run off a potato.

I'm often accused of having a pessimistic attitude about tech, but in fairness, I'm not often wrong.

So I'm not WORRIED, in that it is not yet my job on the line, but I am so frustrated that I feel like fucking CASSANDRA about this tech shit, and everyone is like, "lol silly Doc!!"

Like when I say a cashless society is bad, actually, and makes you more easily trackable, every single transaction, and that it hurts poorer and homeless people, and that we should be resisting it, everyone is like, "But I love tap to pay!" and laughs at me for using cash everywhere.

We live in the world we deserve, I guess.

[kakashihasibs]

my husband and I got into an argument last sunday. It basically boiled down to i feel like he doesn't spend enough quality time with me and leia and he feels too exhausted from work.

So i proposed i take over all of the Leia related duties. I do 100% of her walks, meals, and medication for a week to see how well i handle it in regards to my fibromyalgia.

Since monday i have gotten up early every morning to feed and walk Leia and I'm fucking dying. I'm in so much pain i haven't had enough energy to do anything other than take care of Leia and mindlessly scroll on the internet. I've had zero energy for myself. I've managed one shower this week and it was with help.

And my husband has had more time and energy for quality time but i haven't!

He was like wanna go out for a little bit!? And i was like no actually I'm going to lay here until it's time to take Leia for another walk.

I want to give up. I just want some restful sleep. Even when my husband was over worked and tired he still managed to find energy and time for himself.

And i feel so frustrated about this bc when i was in grad school i took care of everything. I was on my own! And i was exhausted and in pain but i feel like i handled it better. I've like had it too good for too long and now my tolerance for feeling like shit is gone.

How am i ever going to be able to hold down a job? No wonder almost all my hobbies fell to the wayside while i was in grad school.

This stress test feels like borderline self harm. Only until Sunday then were switching up duties.

I feel like i have 5 spoons in a day and i get to do 5 tasks. Wake-up to feed leia, walk 1, walk 2, and walk 3 is 4 of my 5 spoons and the 5th one this week has been shit like eat the one meal I've had energy to get up for. Or shower. Or pick up medication (which i didn't even drive myself bc i feel like i cant fucking focus).

Anyway fibromyalgia sucks shit and is always lurking around the corner

[thedawningofthehour]

Now that I myself am in the process of writing my own fic for my AU I now understand how difficult it is to think of coherent world building. For example, do the Yōkai have a movie industry? They have recording technology, they should have one. Do they get movies from the surface? Are they allowed? Or are they just smuggled in? Draxum definitely watched Lou-jitsu movies. Did they see them in those spheres? How do they change the format?.

Don't make me think about technomancy, please.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD-BUILDING HOLE. YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE.

But seriously, there's just so many moving parts to any society, it's so interesting to think about how they all fit together. And you will virtually never run out of things to think about, especially as you learn more about the world and why shit is the way it is.

The thing I've been keeping in mind here is that the Yokai world is very small. Literally, since most of them live underground with limited resources and they can't just expand however they want, but there's also just not a whole lot of them. I haven't put concrete numbers on it, but considering the population of NYC is around 8 million and the Yokai can't outnumber them or the humans would realize something was up, I've been assuming there's about five million Yokai altogether.

This is not a lot. Just pulling up some Wikipedia, that is the population of Ireland. New Zealand. Costa Rica. Not together; each of them have a population just over five million. For other Americans, I live in Minnesota, which is about 5.7 million. California has almost forty million people. Five mil is the population of Alabama. Imagine if every human on earth died aside from the people in Alabama.

So you do have to work that into your world-building. A big reason humanity has advanced so much in the past few centuries has been the dramatic increase in population-we're at eight billion people right now. We only hit one billion in 1800. We've gone up by 2-3 billion people in my lifetime. That's billions more people to feed, yes, but that's also billions more people working, studying, figuring out more efficient ways of doing things, moving our technology forward. That created a snowball effect as those extra people not needed for shit like farming and other low-level work were able to invest their time into making machines to help with the farming, freeing more people from their labor and adding them to the 'fuck around and find out' class, making advances in medicine, which meant more people living to fuck around and find out, and so on.

This happened in reverse with the Yokai. They aren't all peasants working in the dirt to scrape out a living because they have developed technology in the past that made gathering basic resources less labor-intensive, plus they have magic. They have universal healthcare and provide free education because they know from experience that those things are nothing but beneficial long-term. And Yokai do live longer than humans, so a highly educated citizen will likely keep benefitting their community for a few hundred years rather than the 50-70 years we can expect out of a human.

But...they still need some farmers. They still need teachers and baristas and primary care doctors, and their population is so small that there just isn't a ton of people left over to do shit like Draxum and Galois are doing. And then you add capitalism into the mix, which further decreases overall productivity because now you have people like Bella doing IT work to pay her bills and then numbing the pain of existence with drugs because she's way overqualified for a job like that and it's really not a job that needs to be done in the first place.

This is a very long way of saying that they're likely at a standstill in regards to developing their own technology and culture, and are probably in the process of being taken over by human culture due to cultural dilution. I doubt they have the resources to create Yollywood or whatever-Hollywood also really relies on the international market too, don't forget, (especially China, which is why so many movies have 'gay rep' that can be easily edited out-Chinese law forbids that) and with the Yokai's small population/need for secrecy, there just wouldn't be enough of a market to make high-budget movies worthwhile. (and they can't get away with charging exorbitant ticket prices because Yokai kids would just stream human movies instead) In my fic they do have some Yokai TV shows, but they're like...soaps and reality TV. Stuff that can be made on a really low budget, because that's all that profitable. They absolutely could not outlaw human stuff because so much of their society is human stuff.

Also keep in mind that since Yokai live longer, cultural shifts would probably take a lot longer. They wouldn't be outright hostile to change, (if you live for hundreds of years, like, you've seen the world change a lot with your own eyeballs, if you don't get over it and accept that change happens you're gonna have a real bad time) but they would take a lot longer to get used to it. A lot of Yokai still don't have televisions or computers because they're used to their magic glasses, and cell phones are just now catching on with Yokai teenagers. Draxum thinks his house is modern by virtue of having an electric fridge. (that he bought in the sixties) They have modern technology, but it's all mixed in with shit from different periods in the last two hundred years or so.

As for how magic systems work-that's the fun thing about magic systems, they're magic! By definition, they're not supposed to make logical sense. You can hand-wave a lot of shit that way. The only real rule with establishing magic systems is that you have to stay consistent with your ruleset. So say like for Death Note-the rules for the Death Note are well established and are an integral part of the storyline. If the L plotline was wrapped up because Light just wrote 'L' in his Death Note while picturing his face, we all would have rioted because that would have gone against how we understood the magic system. Conversely, if I gave Leo a piece of paper that killed people and just let him write 'goatman'-I mean, from a story standpoint that wouldn't be very good, but as long as I didn't call it a death note I could get away with it. If anything, I would have established a rule for how my own magic system worked.

[randomactsofpigeon]

A Small Update

to whom it may concern or why i’ve fallen off the face of the earth

so most people who’ve followed this blog awhile know my husband and i are being treated for infertility. i had my second round of ivf in december, which was followed by a semi-rare complication called ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. i wouldn’t wish either of these things on anyone. i was basically knocked on my ass the entire month.

then we found it out it had all been for nothing. both of the embryos we got out of the ivf round are abnormal. so that’s 3/3 abnormal embryos in total.

there’s a lot of reasons why this is the case. and some reasons we don’t know why. and some just plain rotten fucking luck. but long story short. we’re going to need a donor egg. even though the only thing wrong with me reproductively is an incompatibility with the ivf process, eggs are still the limiting reagent here.

and something about this has triggered all the stress i’ve been doing my level best to hold back over the past two years. yes, indeed, all the inability to cope over that time period has been the shit that leaked past my attempts to carry on. now i’m getting the full brunt of it.

fyi, people have done studies concluding that the stress associated with infertility is equivalent to the stress associated with cancer.  mentioning not for the sake of suffering olympics but to give other people some reference point for how intense and awful and life-altering living with this is.

anyway for the past 3-4 weeks since we found out i’ve had a rough time just...getting out of bed. feeding myself. showering. i have a combination of the world’s most understanding boss and a cushy as hell job or i’d be fired at this point. 

this has unfortunately coincided with a lot of people i consider friends being like, “we’re past the holidays now! let’s do stuffs!”

and i just...can’t

i really, really can’t

i can’t do anything right now but do my level best to take care of myself well enough to make it to better. all i can do right now is the bare minimum necessary to survive. (my husband is a saint, btw. probably the only reason i haven’t literally starved to death in my own filth this past month.)

i feel bad about all this, but i don’t feel guilty tbh. maybe i should. but i just don’t have the energy to hate myself for not being able to scrape together enough spoons to be a better friend or fake being more ok right now.

so this has been a psa to those wondering what on god’s green earth has happened to pigeon.