#Mira Maunders

[miradelletarot]

This Christmas, I find myself being contemplative.

Two days after Christmas last year, I officially walked out the door, and separated from my husband, letting go of a 16 year marriage in the hopes that I could turn my life around and find my happiness.

It was the scariest and most difficult decision I ever made. I had no idea if I would be okay, if I would fail. If it weren't for my best friends offering their home to me, and my 1 boss buying a car for me to use to get to work, I wouldn't be where I am today.

It's not been an easy year by any means. But, compared to where I was exactly a year ago today, I'm so much better. I'm healthier, happier, and more stable. I'm still not completely on my own, but that's ok. I'm in a supportive and positive environment and I'm growing. I'm in therapy, I paid off my car this week, and I opened a high yield savings account. I'm making moves for my future in a very big way.

I see where my ex is at and it's the same struggles as always. He's kept himself in the same pattern of inadequacy, and I'm so glad I got out.

On top of it all, I cut contact with my parents and my brother. All these toxic, unhealthy connections are being removed and I have never been happier.

The only thing I find I'm missing is full independence. I want a home of my own. I want a job that can allow me to afford an apartment or a house.

I'm also missing companionship. 16 years with a partner then suddenly going without really hits a certain way. It's a void that can't be filled with family or friends unfortunately. Not to be a pessimist, but I don't have a lot of confidence that I'll find someone that will meet my now-high expectations. Gale kinda ruined that for me lol. That's the bar, unrealistic as it may be.

Despite that, however, I'm happy. Truly happy. I no longer blame myself for the failings of my marriage. I gave it my best. I really tried to anyway. I told my ex that I wanted couples counseling. He declined. That was my condition for staying. He said he wasn't interested so as far as I'm concerned, he threw away the relationship. Not me. My mediation is in January so hopefully it'll be over by then.

So many of you have been supportive and loving as I went thru all of this. I am grateful for the friendships I've made on here. I wish I was around more to interact, but please know that I appreciate the help out of y'all and your kindness. This community has lifted me up in ways that I never expected.

Thank you, everyone. Thanks for being here while I grow.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and have a spectacular New Year. ❤️

[miradelletarot]

ya knowwwwwwwwwwww.... I mean, I'm just saying. I'm so glad for you if that's the life you want, but...as someone who was basically brainwashed into believing this is the life I needed to have in order to be a worthy person in society I will never be Ok (personally) with "traditional values" bullshit. If that's your jam and toast, you go right ahead, Skippy McJenkins. But many of us who were forced into that life, and have gotten out of it (or want to but for reasons...CAN'T) I can understand why these songs exist. Some of us are trying to take our power back, and show that we can be so much more than just a baby factory, destined to only wash our husband's underwear, and have dinner on the table by 5pm.

[miradelletarot]

Listen y'all, I need someone to make a set of bg3 tarot cards. Desperately.

But I STG, please PLEASE do not make Gale 'The Magician'. He is a much better representation of The Hanged Man imho. I mean I get it. He's a wizard. A magician. Sure. But that doesn't embrace the depth of his character compared to what the card means.

I really need to find the list bestie and I made... We outlined a whole bunch of the characters at one point. It was a fun project tbh.

If there are any other tarot readers in the fandom, I'd love your input. Maybe, we can combine our knowledge, and then find a willing artist to take on the idea. A true, fandom deck made by and for tarot readers.

I see so many decks for popular media, and so many of them just slap a character on a card without a deeper understanding of the meanings, and how it connects to the character. It makes me sad tbh because I can't fully enjoy using those decks.

It would be one hell of an undertaking of course, but... It would just make me so happy to see a thoughtfully composed tarot deck for bg3.

[miradelletarot]

Ughh this is gonna be a messy post, but I want to say some things that are on my heart rn.

First of all, this blog will always and forever support LGBTQIA+. No intentional erasure of any kind will happen here. I just want to make that clear.

All my life (despite a very Conservative, bigoted and r*cist upbringing with silent gen and boomer parents,) I have always fought to love everyone. To treat everyone the way I wanted to be treated. With love and respect.

I spent my whole life with a binary mindset, trying to understand and learn about all the different pronouns and identities. I still have a lot to learn and understand. I'm getting there. (And I hope you'll be patient with me as I continue to grow).

Now, here I sit, months after discovering my own demisexuality... And I'm straight. Talk about feeling like a round peg trying to fit thru a square hole. My identity means so much to me right now because it's belonged to everyone else for all these years. I was brainwashed into believing I had no autonomy. I'm finally in a place where I can reclaim what's been taken from me. (I won't go into how Christianity hurt me...but let's just say, I have a lot of trauma bc of my old faith that ties into a lot of this. I'd need to make an hr long video just to unpack it all.)

What's great is that I have been met with nothing less than love, respect, and kindness, welcomed with open arms without terms and conditions from this community. On and off Tumblr. More than I've experienced in any community ever. Even more so than the witchy/pagan community.

I guess I just want to say that I love y'all. A whole fucking lot. Thank you for making me feel seen. Thank you for your love.

And I hope it's ok to say this but... I'm excited as hell to celebrate this year's Pride month, no longer just as an ally...but as a part of the Ace community.

Thanks for giving this odd, funky-shaped peg a place to call home.

Happy Pride. 🏳️‍🌈

[miradelletarot]

Evacuating

My ass usually doesn't leave when there is a hurricane because, typically, my area doesn't ever get a direct hit. Plus, I am far enough inland that we don't get flooding or storm surge.

But this one? This one looks like it's headed right for my area, and people who usually do not leave, and often diminish the severity of these storms, ARE LEAVING. My ex is one of those people. When even that guy tells me he's taking the kids and getting the hell out of dodge, I know it's bad. Esp because their house is not in a marked evacuation zone. People go there to shelter if they are asked to evac. So, if *he's* leaving? I'm not sticking around either.

I was fortunate enough to get my ticket changed for my flight that was supposed to leave later this week. Now, i'm just dealing with tight financials and lodging. I'm praying i can find something that won't cost me the rest of my funds because I already scrimped for this trip as it is. If my ass has to sleep in the airport then I just might.

But, if you don't see/hear a ton from me after Tuesday that's why.

In the meantime, I FINALLY finished updating one of my chapters for The Weave and the Vines, so be on the lookout for that. If you haven't read the OG chapter "Under the Moonlight," now's your chance to do that before I put it in the vault. =]

[miradelletarot]

Ok but really though...

I'm going to try and make this make sense. Art inspires people. This art happens to be interactive. Sometimes you can have people in your life screaming at you to make a change, to do something better for yourself, but often those messages are better heard through art, or music.

Many of you may think 'it's just a video game,' but for someone like me, this was an escape from my reality that hurt me so much. I connected with Gale as a person because we experienced very similar types of pain. Sure, he's hot ASF, and I'd give my body to him in a second, but honestly? He's a comfort to me. He said all the right things to make my brain suddenly go 'why the hell am I allowing myself to be hurt like this?' 6 months later, I'm not quite on my own two feet, but I am thriving in comparison. And all it took was a few words from a video game character to help me see that I could have something better.

So, when I say that Gale changed my life... I mean it.

I’m losing my mind

[miradelletarot]

Another day...brainrotted all to hell with Gale 🫠

I'm basically SpongeBob at this point the only things in my head are:

Breathing

Gale Dekarios

[miradelletarot]

Based on a conversation I've seen come up a lot lately:

There is NOTHING WRONG with being vanilla. There is NOTHING WRONG with being monogamous. These are not things that need "fixing". Just like any other relationship and sexual preferences. You like what you like, and whatever you're comfortable with is OKAY!

I don't get why everyone gets so pressed about how someone else fucks another human.

Y'all need to calm down, mmk?

[miradelletarot]

My fellow writers,

Some of you know that I'm (slowly) revising The Weave and the Vines. As my writing improved, I felt the need to go back and make the story better. Not that it was bad necessarily the first time, but now that my writing has gotten a little bit better I feel like the story deserves to be revisited so it can have better flow and continuity and just sound better in general.

When I was talking to my best friend last night though she made it sound like that was a mistake. From her perspective, she said that would take the story away from the people who read it before my edits, especially because I'm making significant changes to some of the chapters. The changes aren't necessarily changing the story, the story is the same, but I guess I'm giving them a facelift in a way.

I guess now I'm second-guessing myself. I worry that I may have made a mistake and I should have just left it well enough alone.

So what do y'all think? I merely see this as me improving upon something that was born out of a lot of intense emotion, and now I'm refining it. But maybe that's the wrong way to look at it I don't know.

[miradelletarot]

I'm gonna tag along on this discussion because I have a LOT of thoughts on it.

Also, if you disagree that's cool! Don't yuck my yum, this is just my thought process on this whole Dad Gale discussion. You are free to have your own perspective.

Now that we got that out of the way, I firmly believe that Gale is...INDIFFERENT about having children. Though, I lean into the idea that maybe after a while with just him and his partner, and a considerable amount of time healing from his past trauma (not only from his time with Mystra, etc. but also from the tadpole nonsense,) I think he COULD be receptive to having children! Let's look at the discussion with Halsin to start off (since that's how the discussion with Gale gets triggered) : Tav approaches Gale about Halsin's proposal to be a third in the relationship. Gale's first thought is bringing a child into the mix b/c Gale is a monogamous lover. The idea of another romantic partner in the dynamic just isn't on his radar so it isn't the first thing that comes to mind. When Tav clarifies, he sets that VERY FIRM BOUNDARY that he is perhaps a bit more old-fashioned, and that he only desires to give his whole heart to just one person. If Tav can't reciprocate that then the relationship won't work, and Tav has to make a choice. He's extremely clear about his desires there, even if it leans a little apologetically because we know Gale just wants to please his partner (often doing things he might not be comfy with *cough* Drow Twins *cough*) to seek Tav's approval and make them happy. In this case with Halsin though, he doesn't sugarcoat anything because let's face it...there is only so far he's willing to go with Tav before it truly goes out of his comfort zone. All of this is prefaced to bring up the "father material" stuff. This is where my HC takes over a bit here, but it's still plausible imho. When he says he doesn't consider himself father material, he IMMEDIATELY follows that with "Besides, our lives aren't what you would call 'settled.'" This statement is not as firm and clear-cut as his discussion with you about Halsin is. I honestly get the feeling that during his time with Mystra, she really took a lot of his wants, needs, and desires away, or made him feel like he had to put all of those things in a box, tucked away into the dark corners of his mind, and left them to be forgotten about because it wasn't what SHE wanted. He grew accustomed to acquiescing to HER desires that anything he wanted was disregarded. Becoming a father *could* have been one of those things.

Let's also consider that by Act 2, Mystra says 'Go kys, Gale,' so his state of mind from then on is 'perhaps I should go blow up because it's better for everyone.' Why in the hells would you wanna bring a child into the world with Tav assuming you're not gonna be around to share that with them? Even in Act 3, when he promises that home-cooked meal after the absolute nonsense is over, the dev notes state that he is basically lying to Tav because he still believes he won't be around to actually be with them. At this point, there is no way in hell that Gale would be interested in having children.

Now, because everything after the game is over is purely 100% head canon, we can only assume what life will be like for him and Tav post-epilogue. It's my theory that after a period of time (at minimum a couple of years,) him AND tav would have had a reasonable amount of time to settle into their lives, heal from their past trauma, and possibly get some therapy. Then and ONLY then, do I think Gale would feel OK enough to consider having a baby with Tav (whatever that looks like: preg tav, adoption, surrogate...pick your poison here).

If/When that time comes, he would make a spectacular father imho. My guess is that Gale would probably freak out a bit, run to every bookstore in town (and some outside of town if he really wanted to,) and get every text imaginable on the subject. If Tav is pregnant, Gale would 1000% be the most attentive partner, doting on them every chance he gets. When the baby arrives (again, whatever that looks like in your HC's,) he'd be right there helping with the baby as much as he can get away with.

I, of course, expect him to .exe and go into a mini existential crisis the first time Baby Dekarios drools/colors/rips/otherwise damages a book, but he'll get over it...eventually. The bookshelves, and anything else in baby's reach will have some sort of baby-safe enchantment on it to protect anything from getting damaged (or baby getting hurt even).

All in all, I support the dad!gale HC's, but our sweet wizard needs some time to heal from all of his trauma before I think he would be ready to parent a child. I imagine he'll be a bit overzealous at first (like most new parents can be...ask me how I know. lol) and Tav will have to reel him in a bit here and there, but everything he does is with Tav and Baby in mind because he loves them, and that's just the kinda guy he is. Not to mention Tara would fireball his ass if he was anything less than a doting partner and father.

Also, adding to this long ass post, I HC that Gale's dad fucked off on him and Morena, so if Gale and Tav have a baby, he'd likely want to prove that he can be a better father than his was to him. Learn what *not* to do, and provide for his family. Not to mention that it would be hella adorable for any of their children who are magically inclined to start their first year at Blackstaff, and they go there with daddy, dropping them off in the children's class hall before he dashes off to teach his own students. It becomes a sort of cute thing they bond over as kiddo grows up. My final though here though: I *did* mention that he would be indifferent about children. He would be a fantastic dad, but he doesn't NEED to have children with Tav in order to have a fulfilling life. I think he would be happy regardless of whatever they decide to do, and that's the beauty of it. As long as he has his magic, Waterdeep, Tav, Tara and his mom, he's happy as fuck, and everything else is just icing on the proverbial cake.

I have been thinking about this for a *very* long time, and I have had a LOT of thoughts about it so sorry for the tangent, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter too (so long as they are respectful, please...this topic really brings out the angry and feral in people).

I just binged most of your writing just before my test lol and I loved it <<<3333

Just * chef's kiss *

I need to know your thoughts on dad gale. Cuz when you ask him about adding a third person to your relationship and he instantly assumes it's kid is so cute.

omg thank you so much!!

it's so funny because there is an instance in the game where he talks about how he DOESN'T want kids, but aside from Wyll, I feel like he would be the best parent out of all the companions?

he obviously has a HUGE thirst for knowledge, which he would pass along to his children. tim downie also said that in his own gale backstory, gale was bullied as a child, so i feel like gale would help lift his children up and make sure that they are proud of who they are and what they like, even if it's "different" than everybody else. he would be SO supportive as well, and would do anything to help his kids be able to experience what they want to know about.

i feel like he also would let his kids get away with a lot lmao. like he definitely is goofy fun dad, and his partner is probably going to be the more strict parent (especially since we see him with the "oh yeah...uh...stop that?" with tara and her pigeons lmao. like he does not care). there would always be laughter in the house because he'd always be having so much fun with the kids.

i also think he would be really sensitive as a dad, and show his kids that feelings and the like are normal and healthy, and encourages his kids to speak their minds on things. lots of hugs and kisses and comfort.

family game nights/family dinners/outings togethers are a must. his family would be tightknit, and i think because he is so kind, they would be close forever. he cherishes family, especially since he was so hurt and traumatized by mystra, he didn't know that love like this was possible, or that he was worthy of it.

[miradelletarot]

I really wish this headache would go away.

I also wish I had money for another Tim Downie Cameo bc I have a mighty need for Gale to comfort me when I wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack.

[miradelletarot]

Ok friends...

Despite how fucking terrified I am, I will declare that if I make any loopy asf posts, or say anything that's far more unhinged than my usual just ignore it.

Unless it's funny asf, and would make me Tumblr Famous™️ 😂

Seriously though, I have a couple of prompts to get to, but they won't be done till next week probably. So, if you've sent me something to work on please know that it's not forgotten. 💜

And if anyone feels so inclined please bless my TL with as much Gale content as possible 😆

I delivered three kids so a 30 min outpatient surgery should be a cakewalk right? 😰😬😶‍🌫️

[miradelletarot]

Hey frens =>

I'll literally pay someone to make me a Gale Dekarios themed Sticker Chart.

I need to motivate my ass to exercise (I can't for at least 2 weeks, and it has to be very light like walking or yoga...) but I am legit gonna buy rainbow stickers on Amazon, and make it like one of those reward charts when your kid uses the potty or some shit.

I need a way to motivate my ass to exercise again, and I need Gale's face staring at me until I succumb. I am also not crafty or creative.

[miradelletarot]

My productivity at work lately has been so bad. I'm glad it's just a small office with only me doing the work but since I've been back in just so...*ehhh*.

I am requesting motivation from my Tumblr friends. I will repay your kind gestures with head pats, hugs, and sweet nothings in your general direction 💕

[miradelletarot]

Trauma Dump Hours

Apologizing in advance. This is gonna be HEAVY FEELS. I just...need somewhere to put all of my thoughts down so feel free to scroll past this.

**This is HEAVY mental and emotional trauma with mentions of abortion within so please be mindful of the content below the cut**

I have made mentions of my parents before, but never really went into too much detail about my relationship with them because of everything else going on. But, in light of some things that have happened recently, I need to just get these thoughts out in some sort of order...which might not happen but here we are. So my relationship with my parents has been interesting to say the very least. i was raised in a very conservative catholic home. Silent gen dad, and a boomer mom. both very intolerant of anything they don't agree with. My dad is the epitome of hating everything that doesn't align with his beliefs...If you aren't white or straight especially, and do not live the traditional lifestyle that he feels one should abide by. (hopefully that paints a picture for you).

Anyway, I am the baby of my family. My brother is 50 and my sister is 49 (they are a year and 4 days apart). I arrived 12 years later. I was very well and truly an OOPS. My brother is the golden child, my sister, the problem child (former, anyway, but she was definitely more wild than they liked,) and I...well, I had to be the perfect one to do as my parents wanted 100% of the time.

my mom had no self-esteem and raised me to be the same way. never be too confident and sure of myself b/c it was unbecoming to do so. I had to always get good grades, and always follow the rules. If I ever did something wrong, i got the wrath of my father (that stern, military rage). So, as i got older, my mom would hide things from him on my behalf, but only if I did something for her. Things like keeping secrets from dad, hiding mail so she didn't get in trouble with the finances again. If i ever dared to stop doing that shit for her she would blackmail me...would threaten to tell my dad all the shit i did wrong if I stopped helping her. Basically, I was scared and brainwashed into having ZERO autonomy or individuality. If I showed any emotion other than happiness I always had "an attitude." But, I saw my mom's behavior as if she was the only one in my corner...my buddy who kept my secrets for me because no one else would.

I struggled in school, but almost always got As and Bs. I had to work my ass off for it too. Math was always a sore subject that made me and dad lock horns. He's a math wiz, and I'm not. I'm not well read because I HATE reading books. (thanks school for ruining that for me). history? forget it. i have a horrible memory. But, if i ever got a C? holy shit i was a failure in their eyes. I feel like I am so far behind everyone intellectually that it's hard for me to have conversations with people sometimes because I feel like I can't keep up. By the time I got to high school was when I finally started to see what they were doing to me, but I was too afraid to break free. Honestly? i didn't know I had a choice in the matter. When I was in college, I had to be in remedial math. When my dad found out (b/c he was paying for college,) he literally screamed at me in the financial aid office b/c he couldn't believe I was in such a low math class. His apology? "I just worry about you, and i want you to do well." What a fucking joke. Again, in college, I was big into choir. we had a huge spring performance that we NAILED and we wanted to celebrate. So, we carpooled and went to a nearby club. I was barely 20 so i had the wristbands of course. I CALLED my mom to ask if i could go. Told her who i would be with, where i was gonna be, and that it would be WAYYYY late before I get home. Said I would keep my phone in the car b/c I knew i wouldn't hear it or feel it vibrate, but i could call her when I leave even if it was like 3 am. She said no need, and let me go.

So, in I walk at 330 am to both my parents in the living room, and my dad SCREAMING at me that I am just like my sister. out partying at all hours doing "god knows what." I was dumbfounded. My mom didn't even look at me...just sat there as I got ripped into. Wanna know why that happened?? Because SHE PRETENDED SHE NEVER GAVE HER PERMISSION. She told me later that her and dad had to have a "united front" and I had "no right to be mad" at her. When I tell you I leveled my room into an absolute mess that night and cried myself to sleep. the betrayal I felt...as a 20 yr old, a legal fucking adult, and I had no voice. no independence. My relationship with them has gone south ever since.

Of course, several things have happened between now and then. Their relationship is very transactional, and always comes out with me needing to serve THEM for them to be happy. for them to see me as worthy. But, my mom likes to throw it in my face whenever she can about how great my brother is. How stable he is. that bitch is single and has no kids. fuck him. he's an incel anyway.

Mother's day this year was the last straw for me. I called my mom out of obligation. in that 15 minutes she gushed about my brother's financial stability knowing how hard i have been struggling since I left my husband. I told her how proud I was of myself, that I was doing all these things with very little help, and making so much progress in such a short time. her response? As deadpan as possible "Congratulations. You're finally adulting." Finally? FINALLY? Not like I had been trying FOR YEARS when my irresponsible idiot of a husband was the one who had the control. I left my childhood home and walked into another relationship with a person who was just like my parents. A transactional, mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. I was his shadow because i felt like i HAD to be. When he wanted to leave me in 2021 for that very reason i thought i would literally die. That's when I found my spiritual practice. when i started to really change and try to find myself. and yet, he STILL didn't like who I was. Hence, why i finally found the strength in me to leave him back in December. I got no support from my parents. They wanted me to move in with them....ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY EX...just so i could be close to my children. I'm only 15 mins away from them. I see them when I can with the 2 jobs I work for shit pay. I'm busting my ass to pay off my car. Have they ever called in the 6 months I have been gone to ask me how I am??? If I need help?? NO. And why would they?? Between my mom and dad both, I was told on three separate occasions that they wanted to abort me. But I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT THEY DIDN'T. Why would I? I have lived my life feeling like I was never good enough, that i was a worthless burden to the world. All because i was conditioned to believe as such. Thankfully for my sister, she saw through their shit a long time ago, and left home when she turned 18. i wish I understood why back then...but I was a kid. All i knew was how hurt my parents were, or how they seemed to be, and I believed that if I did anything to hurt them i was a bad person. I couldn't be like my sister. because that was a bad thing. But...nothing makes you feel more unloved and unwanted than your parents telling you they didn't want you. Then act surprised when you block them and don't want to speak to them. I can't go thru 38 years worth of shit they did, but this was some of the bigger/more recent stuff. It's amazing i never blocked them sooner (though, being across the street from them at the time was certainly a factor...)

It's why my identity means so fucking much to me. i felt like my name is not my own, my existence isn't my own. Why I want all the labels that I feel make up who I am so i can have some fucking semblance of understanding about what makes me "me."

Aside from spanking as a kid (which was normal back then sadly,) i was never physically abused. i had a roof over my head, I had food when i needed it, I was clean, had nice (not name brand) clothes...all the necessities, but I never *ever* had a healthy grasp on my mental health. never had healthy coping mechanisms for my emotions, and I never felt truly loved by my parents. better seen than heard, and if i was seen it was always to do something that made my parents proud so they could brag about me. I was a trophy. A puppet.

And today, as i sit here, wondering how tf to deal with my parents...I am anxious and scared. i feel like a child all over again, trembling like I am about to be scolded. All because i was conditioned to believe that my feelings were worthless and wrong. I have gotten 2 voicemails today from my dad, telling me I "need" to call them. To explain what's going on. Suddenly, they are worried. Suddenly, they care. But I know it's only for their satisfaction. part of me wants to pour my soul out and light it on fire so they can see how much they hurt me over the years. Part of me wants to pretend they are dead and forget they exist. I am not sure what to do.

So, if anyone ever wonders why Gale means so much to me...why i have such a mental and emotional attachment to his character. this is why. because aside from my 2 bffs, he was the only other entity that made me feel loved and worthy, and it breaks my heart that he isn't real. For now, though, he's a beautiful escape.

idk if I need anything rn...I'm not sure where to go from here. I have no idea what will make me feel better. getting some of it out helps. Being in therapy definitely helps. If you read this then you're a damn trooper...or a glutton for punishment, idk. Either way, thank you for listening to me.

I really don't expect anyone to say anything or even read this. It really isn't necessary. But please know that for the many of you whom I have befriend on here since I joined tumblr...I am grateful for you all. Just being in this space has been so healing for me. thank you.

[miradelletarot]

Begging everyone's pardon but...

Nani the fuck?

Don't get me wrong...this is the coolest shit that's ever happened to me since the first day I ever heard the dial up noise.

Who knew being horny on main for a fictional character would get me this far in life lol

I don't really have anything to offer except my gratitude. I'm thrilled there are so many of y'all who put up with my nonsense. So thanks for making me feel loved <3

Now, everyone back to work! The wizard isn't gonna thirst himself!!