#barty crouch is insane but he's so fucking cool

[seekmemystar]

I just want Barty crouch to think I'm cool

[major-toast]

Passenger

@rosekillermicrofic // May 14th - insane // words: 856 // minors dni

Speeding down the highway, the landscape is rushing past them, a nervous blur of the black night sky and bright neon signs. Evan’s eyes flick down to the dashboard of their trusty Dodge Challenger. And so do Barty’s.

140 miles per hour. 150. 200.

They’re fucking fast.

“Hit the gas, Rosie!” Barty laughs, turning in his seat to catch their trackers tailgating them. They’re fast too. But, considering Evan will turn off the car lights any second, plunging them into total darkness and vanishing the Challenger into the cool air of the night, they stand no chance. Barty’s grin takes up a new dimension of delight.

“Any faster, and I’ll lose track of the road signs”, Evan mumbles, taking one last sip of his soda can. 

Scrunching up the frail metal within his palm, he then throws the remains out of the open window, one hand safely secured to the wheel. For a moment, Barty hoped the can would hit the windshield of the SUV behind them, but to no avail. Disappointed, he clicks his tongue, focussing back on the road ahead.

“Fuck the road signs!” he says. “If one of the pigs wants to stop us now, I’ll show him how pretty his brain looks on the pavement. Didn’t bring those TEC-9s for nothing.”

Huffing, and with his arms crossed above his chest, he slumps back into the passenger seat, propping his feet up against the windshield.

It was supposed to be an easy job; in and out. No witnesses. A simple kidnapping with a shit-ton of ransom money as a reward. But, of course, it had to be a trap, a botched operation. If Riddle wanted to get rid of them so desperately, he should have done it himself, and not sent out a bunch of bloodhounds.

What an egomaniacal, deranged coward. Barty will be all too happy to greet him with the gun inside his pants. And this time, he doesn’t mean his cock.

Roll the windows down, this cool night air is curious. Let the whole world look in. Who cares who sees anything? I’m your passenger.

At the sound of the radio echoing back his own sentiment, the grin reappears. Usually, Barty listens to no one, but the moment couldn’t be more fitting.

“What- what are you doing?” Evan questions warily, his eyes fleetingly glancing over at him.

“Living” comes the simple reply.

Before the pretty blonde can do anything, Barty has rolled the windows down.

Without unbuckling his seatbelt – because why would he fasten it to begin with? – he climbs out halfway, nothing but his waist and legs keeping him inside the racing car. Feeling the harsh air whip through his hair and prick his nose and ears like a thousand tiny needles, an ecstatic cackle bubbles from his lips.

This. This is what it means to be alive, to breathe.

If only for a short moment.

“Get. In”, Evan grunts, pulling Barty back with one harsh tug on his blood-soaked shirt. “You maniac are getting us both killed!”

Almost as if to lend his words some weight, Evan swerves hard right, trying to avoid crashing into the slowing car before them. The tires screech deafeningly in protest and the centrifugal force shoves Barty back into the passenger’s side door. Left and right, empty beer cans and other trinkets are flying through the tiny space, and with one last bumpy correction of his course, Evan gets them back on track.

“Beautiful”, Barty breathes in admiration, his piercing eyes alighting with new fire and his hands shaking from excitement. “No one can drive like you can, Rosie.”

“Save your compliments until we’re fucking out of here, Crouch.”

He looks over to him, watches the wind dance inside his blonde locks. If they go crashing down, Barty will be glad to crash with him.

Here I lay, just like always. Don’t let me go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Take me to the edge.

“Do you trust me?” Barty murmurs into the warm space between them.

“Of course, I trust you”, Evan replies.

“Blindly?”

“Blindly.”

Without another word, Barty leans forward then. Gently, he wraps his hands around Evan’s face, covering his eyes. Freezing at first, the pretty blonde relaxes into the touch easily, his grip slackening on the wheel.

“The road is empty. There is no one in front of us”, Barty coos. “You got this, angel. Let me be your eyes-“

“-and I’ll be your wings”, Evan finishes, a small smile stretching over his lips at the familiar words. 

Confidently, he presses down on the gas pedal, increasing their speed once more. Filled with pride, Barty gently kisses his cheek.

“There is another sloth right in front of us. The right lane is empty. You have about 15 seconds.”

Shifting gears and slowing down without effort, Evan taps the wheel. Gracefully, they avoid yet another crash. Yes, no one can drive like his Rosie. No one knows the road like he does.

“You are one insane motherfucker”, Evan smiles as Barty lifts his hand again. He simply shrugs it off.

“As long as I am yours.”

[evans-the-flower]

ʜɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇs, ɪᴛ's ʟɪʟʏ! 🍓

17

She/Her

Bisexual

Irish

Single

Year 12

Top of my class for all years but 23' (fuck you Sirius)

5 A-Levels

Likes: strawberries, my friends, my family, baking, crocheting, sunny days, the color red, maths, chemistry, learning, and winning

Dislikes: rascists, misogynists, transphobes, haters, and anyone who's mean to my friends

People I know:

Marls, my roommate and best friend HOT BADASS GIRLFRIEND: @rockin-blonde-lesbian

Pads, he's pretty cool: @ad-sirius

James, he's gonna make me go grey: @rjames-aflemont-bpotter

Pete, the best and chillest of the boys: @pete-not-a-rat-stfu

Regulus, quite nice and good study partner: @im-a-motherfuckin-starboy

Cissa, the best Black and very nice: @narcissaliketheflower

Cass, absolute goddess and super cool: @in-the-meadowes

Barty, clinically insane: @barty-rosier-not-crouch

Dora, literal faerie and so sweet: @doras-and-auras

Evan, Dora's brother: @roses-and-other-sharp-things

ooc: this is an rp account, my main is @percyweasleyapologist and you can contact @lirenthenonlyrist to join!!

[sixlane]

hii the regubartylily anon here u said ur curious about my other rarepairs so here i am to talk about that because well i love my silly rarepairs and i love yapping about them

in no specific order:

sybella, sybill trelawney x bellatrix black. they make me insane. i believe it was @/quillkiller who came up with them and i havent been the same since.

regulily. im a basic bitch i see two cool people kissing i become obsessed. they are exactly who i want to be. im not sure how i imagine lily because theres so many versions of her but every single one fits with reg perfectly

regtunia. im not sure whos post it was but someone made a moodboard and @/foursaints reblogged it and oh my god. oh my fucking god. they leave and sirius and lily are so happy that they are following in their footsteps but they just want a simple quiet life they dont want to rebel. they both feel abandoned and neglected. they are two sides of the same coin.

regubartylily, you and ren are geniuses. i cant decide whether i like the happy ending (regulily & rosekiller) or the bad ending (barty gets murdered) more. there is something compelling about the idea of both reg and lily projecting onto barty and wanting things from him. im not sure if they actually care about him or is he just providing them with attention. idk. it makes me feel kinda bad for him but also thats barty crouch jr. he deserves it. hes also the perfect pure pookiebear that hasnt done a thing wrong in his entire life but like. also he should suffer. you understand.

everything that @/quillkiller comes up with. im a fan. i clap whatever they say. effiebarty. maryjames. alectolily. bartyrosiers. lurthur. bellucius. i cheer

what r ur fav rarepairs??

omg hi!!! this is so interesting thank you for sharing! and i’m so happy to see regubartylily crack your top 5 hehe. i will say you’re absolutely right that jen is a rarepair genius. i too eat up everything she posts.

sybella is so interesting i don’t think i’ve every come across that (i gotta go stalk jen’s blog) but in a similar vein i loveeee sybillily. kara @/sugarsnappeases has talked to me about them extensively and has an amazing fic for them. they’re so interesting. like the girl who’s doomed and the one who doomed her. it gets me!!!!

bartylily is probably my biggest rarepair if they can even be considered rare anymore 🥲. there still aren’t many fics for them but i think they’re kinda taking off on tumblr which so so fun. they’re so special to me and i’ll love them forever.

and then of course we’ve got regubartylily and jartylily. my cursed threesomes. what can i say i love to stick barty in the middle of a preexisting ship and see what happens.

i’ve also talked about evjames a couple times. i don’t ship them at all but i think they’re hilarious when put in a relationship together.

honorable mentions to ludora (lucius and pandora) and pandoraleco (which has been brewing in my mind lately… more later perhaps)

MWAH thank you for coming back to share with me!! feel free to yap at me anytime <3

[lilithofpenandbook]

Oh good grief, a known Ravenclaw and they put her in Slytherin good grief (Ravenclaw doesn't even have much cool rep to begin with- we got fucking trelawney and Lockhart and I'm still mad about it)

It's just so insane because when the Marauders stans DO like Slytherins they're those who are clearly evil or so minor that they're unimportant! They'll stan everyone else but Snape. Probably because they can't face that the marauders bullied an innocent person.

The only one I'll say they have somewhat of a reason is Barty Crouch Jr, he actually did have a backstory and honestly if I had a dad like that I would absolutely join the death eaters as a big Fuck You to him and not for any other reason. But the others? Just who the fuck are they?

God it makes me SO MAD

Seriously how can M*r*uders stans like random Slytherins (who tf are Evan Rosier, Pandora (is that Luna's mum and why tf is she Evan Rosier's twin in half of these), and I don't even want to discuss Regulus) and make them Actually Misunderstood Good People Who Were Forced Down That Path when at least one of them *coughreguluscough* was obsessed with Voldemort

And then turn around and make Snape an awful person?

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

I hate Cursed Child so much, but I can't help but feel like it had *some* worth as a story... And as of late I've been repeatedly overcome with the urge to try to write a better story for Delphi... One where she was raised in a far better environment, because I feel like she had potential to be a far more fun and interesting character if she'd just had a better life...

The concept of Delphi is not a terrible one by itself. 

It would be difficult as hell to have it realistically happen, because Voldemort...not only could he not love, but he was planning to be immortal. To go on forever. He would have no need for an heir, and probably wouldn’t want one because he’d see them as competition. The most likely situation is Delphi being an accident, but even then I find myself doubting that Voldemort would have any interest in sex. Sure, Bellatrix would give herself to him in a heartbeat, but I feel like he’d have more important things to do. Then again...he apparently told Barty Crouch Jr all about his father. He crossed that personal line. It could be that Voldemort was aware that Barty was projecting onto him as a father figure, and fed that instinct to seal Barty’s undying loyalty. And he might have done the same thing with Bellatrix. Okay, Delphi’s existence can be justified.

The main thing about her that I didn’t like was that she was just a one-dimensional wannabe Death Eater. She was heartlessly evil, and while it was cool to see another secret villain, I could have lived without her flirting with a fourteen year old boy. I said before that Voldemort wouldn’t want an heir, and Delphi is deluding herself if she thinks that the “Augurey” would be a thing. Even if she genuinely had no intention of taking the spotlight, Voldemort wouldn’t trust that and he wouldn’t care. He would kill her. Seriously, they could have done something so interesting with Delphi, tied it in with the themes of Scorpius and Albus trying to deal with their family’s legacies. But instead they just made her evil because she was Voldemort’s daughter. That’s morally ignorant, and it’s fucking boring. 

I’ve been playing with this idea too, if it wasn’t obvious. A fix-it fic for Cursed Child, because you’re right, the story did have some worth. Scorpius’ character in particular, and his bond with Albus. I thought Albus was a decent character too. There were a handful of really good scenes in there. The bedroom scene with the old blanket, despite being a Chekhov's Gun for something really stupid...it got emotional. Hell, I don’t even mind the “Sometimes I wish you weren’t my son.” Line. Everybody hates that line with a passion...I don’t. This is Harry James Potter we’re talking about. He nearly killed Draco with an untested combat spell. He is nothing if not impulsive. I can believe he’d say that to Albus. I don’t believe he would mean it, but he would totally say it. Seriously, the way he treated McGonagall bothered me way more. 

I think I know how to fix Delphi.

Concept: It’s the first war. Yes, the first war. Voldemort is gathering more and more followers. Saying what he needs to say, to secure their loyalty. Discovering what buttons he needs to press, and they pressing them. Preying on Snape’s loneliness. On Barty Crouch’s daddy issues. And he realizes that the quickest way to keep Bellatrix starry-eyed is to let her believe he “loves” her. So he sleeps with her. Ding dong, there’s a baby at the door. This baby is not Delphi. But Bellatrix lets everyone believe it’s her husband’s child. But before she can tell Voldemort the truth, he meets his downfall at Godric’s Hollow. Not long after, the Lestranges are arrested, and little baby Jane Doe becomes a Ward of the Ministry, eventually adopted out to...the Diggorys. She grows up calling Cedric “cousin.” At some point, she discovers the truth about her heritage, and eventually has a daughter of her own. She names her daughter Delphi, and Delphi is born in the same year as Albus, Rose, and Scorpius. 

So let’s look at what’s changed - Delphi is now Voldemort’s grandchild. Admit it, that one little thing makes it sound so much less ridiculous than “Voldemort’s daughter.”  which sounds like it’s straight out of a bad fanfic. Delphi is now in Albus’ year. This allows her to parallel better with him and Scorpius. I still prefer Scorbus, but there’s something to be said for a romance between Harry’s child, and Voldemort’s grandchild. That’s an interesting take, and now it can happen without being god damn pedophilia. (Seriously I know Delphi was just manipulating him but it was still predatory behavior, what the hell.) Instead of being insane and thinking it’s her destiny to bring Voldemort back, she can wrestle with her identity and if she believes there was any merit to what Voldemort wanted. At no point is the idea of him actually returning ever discussed, because his role in this story is over, god damn it. She wouldn’t be the villain, neither would her mother - let’s call her Aquilla because it sounds cool. But Aquilla and Delphi could reconnect the same way Harry and Draco reconnect with their sons. Delphi, Albus, and Scorpius could literally be a silver trio. As for who is the villain? I dunno, it’s not especially important. Could be Theodore Nott I guess? As long as it isn’t someone resurrected though bloody time travel. 

[bellatrixblackmalfoy]

A Kiss

“you’re devoid of a soul after it’s done, but you’re still alive.It’s worse than being an inferi, ....” 

Rod frowned in disgust as Evan described it

“I’ve heard it’s unbearable to watch-- but not worse than watching the Cruciatus curse.” Rodolphus swallowed thickly, the thought of it turning his stomach.

“The killing curse is the worst one, it has to be.” Amycus insisted, shaking his head. 

“You’re all absolute imbeciles. The Kiss is the worst event for a wizard to witness--do you not read?” Lucius’ usually cool drone sounded more bored than usual. which was indeed a feat. “First accounts are rare because the ministry keeps it incredibly private, most people can’t bare to watch the whole--” 

“I’ve seen it.” the higher, female voice broke through the boys hushed tones. They hadn’t noticed Bellatrix sitting adjacent to them, too worried with being overheard and keeping their voices down than actually checking the shadows. 

At least that’s what Bella thought. Lucius knew she was there. He always felt her presence, even before he could see her. And he knew her well enough that she was waiting for the right opportunity to make herself known--there was always a little playfulness she let through despite herself, Lucius noticed. 

“No you haven’t. When was this?” Rod asked, suddenly cocky in trying to call her bluff. 

She let a little smirk play over her dark red lips, “Last year.”

Rod let out a laugh, leaning back in the sofa and letting her sit beside him, across from Lucius. “There’s no way you managed to--”

“i was well accompanied” her smirk grew, knowing her words were hurting him as she met his brown eyes. “Do rest assured.” 

“Oh. Of course.” Rod snarled.

Fucking Crouch. What seemed to be the only person in the British Aristocracy able to hold her interest romantically for an elongated amount of time. Lucius was glad the git was a year above them, and his grubby unworthy hands were nowhere near Bella anymore. Though Crouch’s lack of attention after he left didn’t seem to faze Bella in the slightest.

If Bella didn’t know better, she could’ve sworn Lucius had rolled his eyes. Sure, they were still very close--but not as close as they had been. She couldn’t see why he’d take any issue with her not telling him, he decided to go off and spend his time tending to his baser needs. It’s perfectly fair that she do the same--and get certain Ministry perks in the process.

Besides, there’s nothing between them anyway. Not from his direction.

“What’s it like then?” Lucius’ deeper voice made Bella look away from Rod, and an entirely new smirk grew on her lips. 

“Fascinating.”

“Do continue.”

She blinked once, a little taken aback by how eager he was to know more. Lucius was not the type to get his hands dirty... She placed the thought aside, eager to continue. 

“You cannot watch it unprotected, otherwise you won’t enjoy--”

‘Enjoy it!?” Amycus chuckled incredulously

“Shut up.” Lucius didn’t look away from her, unable to get enough of the look on her face.

Bella pulled a little bravado from somewhere to hold his gaze; her mind struggling to focus on her story under his rapt attention. “Yes. Enjoy it. Bartie’s guards created the Patronus shield, so we’d be better able to see. He was always so attentive...” she continued also not looking away. His eyes, their usual iciness replaced by burning silver now boring into her. It was new... 

“Enough about Bartie, this isn’t girl talk.” Rod cut her off once more. Lucius said nothing, silently agreeing that the less they speak of Crouch, the better.

Bella chuckled, looking at Rod once more. “Are you sure? Seeing that I am a girl--have you forgotten Rodolphus?”

“I’d ask if you were flirting, dear Bella, but I wouldn’t want Bartie and his Dementors to come after me.” he responded, all too eager to engage. 

She let out another chuckle, but continued on. And Lucius had to bite the inside of his cheek to remain silent. “The Dementor reaches its victim slowly. It drags out and feeds on as much joy from them as possible, it took the one I saw nearly ten minutes. It got closer to the victim’s mouth, and thankfully its hood peeled back just enough for me to be able too see up close.”

“How close were you” Lucius asked, earning him a raised eyebrow from her.

“Quite close” she responded, “Close enough to see what the Dementor’s mouth looks like--it is grotesque, I will concede to that, but my attention was more on the victim.”

“Why?” Lucius asked, almost sighing the word. 

“The screams--they rung through the execution room. I saw the hope slowly draining from their eyes. There was a struggle at first--writhing and screaming. She put up a good little fight. But after a while she stopped, exhaustion and defeat replaced the glimmer of hope, and then it got closer...”

He could watch her like this for as long as she’d let him. This fire, teetering at the edge of insanity was making him cross his legs. He knew she’d always been an intense kind of girl, ever since they were children. But this...this was an even wilder side of her. And he wanted to see more. 

“I’m going to be sick.” Rosier whispered, indeed looking rather pale, holing Bella’s leg for balance. Lucius hated that she didn’t slap his hand away.

“Then leave.” Lucius spoke quickly. He wanted her to keep speaking. He wanted to watch that gleam of madness in her eyes and how she was grinning at him, devilish and taunting. As if she was daring him to look away. He wouldn’t though, and he thinks she knows that.

“The Dementor gets close--centimetres away--the victim’s on the ground by this point. Unblinking. i thought she was dead, it was like nothing I’d ever seen. A little ball of light comes out of her mouth, and the dementor just...” she sighs, a smile on her lips “It devours the soul--it just--tears it apart and... the only way I can describe is ingests it. I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was brilliant.”

She was too caught up on reliving the moment, but now that she was done she really looked at Lucius. He was all but hanging to her every word, though at the same time, he didn’t seem to be really listening. Bellatrix let her grin remain on her face. It had been a long time since Lucius was truly this close to her. It was a fun little challenge to see him refuse to look away, to flinch, to show anything but pure curiosity about her darkest interests.

Of course, as always, someone else’s voice broke the moment.

“You’re so fucked up Bella” Rosier chuckled, shaking his head. “Only you’d consider that a romantic evening.” 

She shrugged “Bartie knew how to show a girl a good time. I suppose I do have very...particular interests.” 

“Was Bartie as into this as you seem to be?”  Rod asked, teasing her.

“I thought this wasn’t girl talk Rodolphus” she pinched his cheek as she spoke, making Lucius stand to his feet when Rod chuckled in response. 

“Well, as enthralling as that was, i must attend to my evening affairs.” He needed to get out of here. Before he asked her to a secluded place and put himself in more danger than he was already. He needed to get the tension out, and he had more than a few willing volunteers to help him...

“Hah! Is that what we’re calling it now?” Rod asked, easily stretching his arm behind Bella’s head as he leaned back. Lucius could punch him. But then he caught the look of disdain from Bella out of the corner of his eye, and decided to just shake his head and depart. 

Bella watched him leave until his flaxen hair was out of her sight, and she crossed her arms; passing her annoyance with him off as boredom. She should hate him, but she knew this was all a game to him; she should really blame herself. Bella got caught in it every time. Any sliver of attention he’d give her, and she was putty in his hands--not that he knew that. If she had her way he’d never know. For now though, at least Rod was there to work out her frustration. 

[fuck-howard-stark]

[Image Description: Screenshot of a reply by @/willowlark369 that reads “Let’s discuss just how terrible all of the HP adults are, because no one ever wants to.” End Image Description.]

Friend, by all means, hell yes, let’s talk about it.

Vernon Dursley: went out of his way to make Harry feel like shit, quite literally locked Harry in a cramped room under the staircase, was physically and emotionally abusive. allowed/helped Dudley abuse Harry.

Petunia Dursley: went out of her way to make Harry feel like shit, constant scorn and abuse in the more “subtle” way of emotional abuse. applies to both Dursley parents, but literally locking Harry in Dudley’s old room and feeding him through a slot in the door.

Dumbledore: knowingly left Harry in an abusive home, made him the sacrificial lamb not knowing whether or not Harry would survive, explained none of this to Harry, was a lying, secretive, manipulative piece of shit.

McGonagall: knew full well that Harry was in an abusive home his entire childhood, did nothing because “oh, Dumbledore said to leave him there.”

Lucius Malfoy: physically, verbally, and emotionally abuses his son, is a pretentious motherfucker, put Tom’s diary in Ginny’s cauldron, is absolutely a disgusting racist (”mudbloods”)

Narcissa Malfoy: lets Lucius torture their son for fucking years, doesn’t say anything, fucking complicit in this shit

Alecto and Amycus Carrow: literally used the Unforgiveable Curses on students. do i actually need to say anything else here?

Barty Crouch Jr.: again, used Unforgiveable Curses on students. need i fucking say more.

Argus Filch: wanted to fucking torture kids. again, what the fuck else do i need to say here?

Cornelius Fudge: refuses to listen to reason, big part of the reason Voldemort got as strong as he did and got the Death Eaters back as powerful as he did, cared more about his shitty fucking career than, you know, everyone’s fucking lives.

Fenrir Greyback: literally targets young children, puts himself near victims right before transformation and does this on purpose, thirsts for blood even as a human, loves hurting people, i mean honestly.

Bellatrix Lestrange: literally tortured Neville’s parents into insanity. do i need to say anything else?

Gilderoy Lockhart: liar, piece of shit, can’t own up to his own actions, literally tried to attack two children because they discovered his lies.

Quirrel: helped Voldemort, tried to kill Harry, again, do i need to say much more?

Voldemort: ...do i actually need to say anything here? killed people so he could make horcruxes, tortures people for fun, you know, not a stellar individual.

Augustus Rookwood: death eater, spy, can we just agree that all the death eaters are pieces of shit? yeah? cool.

Rita Skeeter: we all agree she’s creepy, invasive, violates boundaries, disregards people’s actually feelings and beliefs and statements, and treats people like shit, right? yeah? alright.

Severus Snape: oh i’m sure i’ll get shit for this, but Snape is honestly so goddamn creepy and disturbing. he treats Harry and friends like shit, shows distinct favoritism, has been pining after Lily in a stalker way for decades, couldn’t let it go when Lily turned him down, also knew about Dumbledore’s plan to turn Harry into a sacrificial lamb and did nothing, honestly just. i hate him

Umbridge: do i need to explain. tortures and abuses children physically, mentally, verbally, and more, is racist and persecutes half bloods, controlling, violent, manipulative, gaslighting, and hateful, honestly she’s a real piece of fucking work

i’ve got a lot more opinions, but let’s start with that. the harry potter adults are pieces of shit

[eracitor]

Weird Headcanons for my Boys

Regulus Black

took piano and/or art classes growing up

loves to braid his friend’s hair. Rodolphus prefers a braid that leads into a bun. Rabastan will accept any braid but usually gets a classic french braid. Lucius will only allow him to braid his hair if he does a fishbone braid.

He’s definitely a Capricorn

has had a crush on Rodolphus forEVER, although some of the reason he likes Rodolphus so much is because Rodolphus is basically a Slytherin, pureblood supremacist version of Sirius. Rodolphus is (in Reg’s mind) who Sirius could have been. Rodolphus is the wildest someone could get and still follow aristocratic society

He’s got a reputation that he keeps so clean that it fucking hurts, which means that he misses out on kid stuff a lot because he’s too busy thinking about estate affairs and dining etiquette. His friends are the only thing that bring out the kid in him.

I think most of these stupid boys actually have a part of muggle culture that is their guilty pleasure. His is definitely the books. He LOVES classic literature and he will slip muggle books into wizard book covers so his mother doesn’t know.

He’s actually a major romantic but being logical is regarded as more important on his list of things he needs to be which is why he’s not out there courting anybody. 

this boy treasured Slug Club and duelling club and Slytherin quidditch practice and any activity where he got to be with his friends more than anything in the world (because his parents sucked and expected him to be everything Sirius refused to be because now they “only had one son” and it was a lot of pressure and anyone Regulus is my favorite character in history every of characters so yeah there’s that).

Rabastan Lestrange

serious cryptid and loves all mythical creatures. His favorite class is Care of Magical Creatures, and he believes in all things out there and he wants to meet and study all of them

he’s very particular about who he befriends, because humans don’t have predictable behavior like most animals/cryptids

He’s asexual and aromantic. He’s only into platonic friendships, and then only barely. 

‘Scuse me?? This boy is a Taurus???

He and Regulus are best friends and have a strong bond of brothers, similar the bond between Marauders. I would almost say platonic soulmates. Regulus is the only one who can understand his deep love of creatures that are “below” them, but more than that, they just understand each other on a fundamental level

both he and Rodolphus have long, curly wild hair, super thick and too wild to tame. I’m talking like viking ass huge hair.

He’s one of those strong-and-silent, animals-not-people type. I imagine he talked to people the same way April Ludgate does in Parks and Rec. He tries to scare them on purpose and never says anything genuinely unless he’s talking about how much he loves creatures more than humans. He’s a Creepy Boi (TM)

Rodolphus Lestrange

plays guitar like it ain’t no thing. Now here’s Wonderwall (Maybe not Wonderwall but you better believe his muggle guilty pleasure was their music. He was a part of the rock scene going on in England back in the day)

rocks the perfect man bun. I cannot picture him without a man bun, he has one I swear to god. 

He is arranged to be married with Bellatrix, not by choice. Most marriages are because there is not a whole lot of purebloods left. He, like Bellatrix, feels nothing for his fiance, although he does care about her and her family.

Sometimes I hc that he and Regulus are a thing, like done behind Bellatrix’s back that throws her into an insane rage. However, ultimately I don’t think that would be Regulus or Rodolphus’s style. Regulus cares too much about his image, and Rodolphus isn’t much of a romantic. I would probably say more likely he flirts with Regulus like he flirts with everyone else, leading Regulus to have a huge crush on him.

Favorite class? Honestly it’s divination, although he doesn’t really tell anyone. Not because he’s embarrassed, but he’s just very subtle about the things he likes; he’s not gonna geek out about it but he’ll be like “ah, shit, that’s cool.” He’s an Aquarius, btw

Lucius Malfoy

his marriage with Narcissa is an arrange marriage but they are romantic soulmates. If it hadn’t been arranged, Lucius would have proposed on his own. Lucius, although seen as strong, is actually very weak while Narcissa is assumed to be weak when in fact she is very strong. This dynamic works very well for them.

He won’t admit it to anyone but he’s an exquisite dancer and he loves it. He knows every step to every formal dance, and couldn’t step on someone else’s foot if he tried.

He’s a fucking Virgo

Charms and Potions are the subjects he’s very good at, although I wouldn’t say he really liked them. He liked being good at them and showing off, but he didn’t dislike or like either. He was probably in the Slug Club (IDK if he really was but he seems like someone Slughorn would loooooove)

He’s surprisingly good at knowing the value of most objects. He’s like a wizarding Pawn Shops guru. He’s very tricky about buying things cheap and selling them high. He honestly would have done muggle pawn shopping too except he (like all the boys) were grossed out and vaguely scared of muggles.

Barty Crouch Jr.

has a crush on Regulus because of their similar backstories: raised by authoritarian pureblooded families with high places in wizard society, the Crouch family because of his father’s government position and the Blacks due to old money

A Scorpio, for sure, like for sure for sure

He, Evan Rosier, and Antonin Dolohov are basically the Three Stooges of the groups. They are always seen bickering and insulting and teasing each other. The shenanigans they get themselves into his hilarious. Rosier knew Barty Crouch Jr. growing up (the way all pureblooded families knew each other) but they didn’t become close until Dolohov joined and they became the trio

he liked Defense Against the Dark Arts but only because he saw it as a puzzle; if he understood DATDA, he could understand how to get around the defensive spells so that the opponent defense would be rendered useless. 

everyone refers to him by his entire name. No Barty or Crouch. Barty Crouch Jr. is what all his friends call him every time they refer to him.

He’s a mega fan of all things quidditch. He knows every single fact and can tell you the score of a Quidditch World Cup a 100 years back. He can tell you the stats of almost every player in the league...at least every player on the important teams. He’s a Chudley Cannons fan.

Evan Rosier

To me, he’s kind of like the Slytherin, pureblood supremacist version of James. He’s good-looking, intelligent, talented, and his background is the opposite of what you’d think. His parents are not well-off or very attractive or kind or smart. If given the chance, they would take from him everything he had. He found a family in his friends (unlike James who gave a family to his friends). 

A hard Libra. He’s very much a Libra

is very bisexual and makes it very clear from the moment you meet him. He likes men and women equally and is a charmer. I mean most Slytherins are charmer but he’s got the charm of every female villain sidekick who seduces her way into making the hero break. That’s Rosier.

is the group’s connection to the wizard equivalent to weed, which is called Muggle Beard due to the fact that the marijuana looks gnarly and gross. His connection? His deadbeat parents

Tells nothing about himself to anyone. He’s the person who literally never stops joking so much that if he was serious, you would think he was joking. Like that’s how he is, he’s always messing around.

His favorite class is maybe potions? He doesn’t really like class but he LOVES duelling club. The club is divided into two teams, with a mix of every house on each team. It’s the only place where he doesn’t give a fuck if you’re Slytherin, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw. If you’re on his team, he supports you, and if you’re not, you’re GOING DOWN

Antonin Dolohov

was supposed to go to Durmstrang but his mother, who had been dating an abusive muggle man at the time, had to flee before he killed both her and her son, which brought them to England and which brought on his long-held grudge on muggles. His mom’s abusive ex broke his nose before they left, which is why it’s a little crooked.

He’s probably most definitely a Leo. That’s just it. He is.

didn’t want to make friends at first out of spite but after a while of some determined teasing from Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr. he caved

was arranged to be married to Andromeda before she ran away with a muggleborn. He was quite infatuated with her (or at least the idea of being married to someone) but after she left him, the whole thing lost its taste. He no longer felt the need to find someone to spend his life with.

favorite class was transfiguration. If he became an animagi, he would have turned into a hawk or possibly a falcon. Definitely a bird of prey. He gives out strong bird vibes.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Percy, Skye & now Rakepick. You really have a thing for characters the fandom hates, huh? 😂 Though ofc one of them’s a lot worse than the other 2 although the first 2 fucked up a few times as well and the fandom hasn’t really forgiven them for that. I know you find them “interesting” for reasons most of the fandom disagree with & I low-key feel bad for you. I wish I could relate to you but even tho I respect your opinions, I really don’t like any of those 3 either 😅

Thank you for your kind words! Aha, well I really am the champion of unpopular opinions, it seems to be true in every fandom I’m in. (Says the person who liked both Last Jedi and Game of Thrones S8) But I’m glad you mentioned those three in particular, because they kind of outline three different ways people can “like” a character. 

Liking Percy is similar to liking Beatrice. 

I can understand why the characters in-universe and parts of the fandom might dislike them, and I suppose that’s valid...but I will never understand it. There are characters out there who I will gladly pledge my sword, my bow, and my ax. That I will defend until my dying breath because they’ve truly done nothing wrong in my eyes, and I want to share their side of the story if I can. Percy could be annoying, sure. But no one ever talks about how the majority of the Weasleys openly disliked him, the twins bullied him with impunity, and Molly and Arthur took a stance that, in my personal opinion, was a bit too neutral. Likewise, I can understand Penny’s desire to protect Beatrice, and her confusion at how much Beatrice has changed. I can understand people thinking she gets in the way (which used to be a much more popular opinion) but she lost a year of her life to the Cursed Vaults, so of course she’s traumatized and coping with it as best she can. She has, in my opinion, just as much skin in the game as MC, and she’s actually older than they were when they started poking around. So why can they investigate, but she can’t?

Liking Skye is similar to liking Merula.

Here is the type of garbage character I shamelessly stan, but I can also concede that the Antis are correct in almost every detail. Now, I can provide an alternate perspective, a different point of view, and explain why they are sympathetic to me, but I will never say that the Antis are wrong. Because with how unlikable these disasters make themselves, it’s pretty much inevitable. I agree, Skye is obnoxious and self-centered, the story gives her too much focus, and she constantly makes mistakes. That being said...it’s crystal clear why she behaves the way she does. She was raised a child celebrity in Quidditch culture. Her social skills and her empathy are stunted as a result. She’s shown that she can be friendly, in my opinion, but more often than not, she screws it up. Still, I can’t help but root for her. Merula is the same way. She’s practically on a mission to make everyone hate her, and she crosses all sorts of social lines, like making fun of MC’s potentially dead brother, or their very literally dead best friend. Merula has never apologized for the abuse she put several people through. And yet...god, I feel so bad for this child. She lost her parents, had her girlfriend best friend stab her in the back...had another one of her friends ditch her for her rival...was betrayed again by what she viewed as a surrogate mother...she’s all alone. Her worldview is so fractured, and her aversion to showing weakness is only digging her deeper into these terrible, unhealthy habits. I want her to heal. To grow. I believe she can do it. 

Liking Rakepick, as I’ve tried time and again to explain, is similar to liking Barty Crouch Jr.

What can I say, I’m a sucker for the problematic mentor trope. As a child, I watched Nickolodeon, and I was drawn to villains like Chase Young, and Vlad Plasmius. Characters who were definitely not good guys, but still had a kind of teacher-student relationship with the hero. It’s a creative dynamic. Now, that doesn’t mean I always like it - I absolutely hated it when Cersei tried to pull this crap with Sansa in Game of Thrones - but sometimes...it just kinda works for me? Plus, I think we need to acknowledge that we can admire a villain without condoning their actions. This isn’t me saying that Rakepick or Crouch are misunderstood, or more “complex” than simply being wicked. This is me enjoying their wickness. Admiring a villain for just how well they villain. Yes, I just used that word as a verb. Barty Crouch Jr fooled Albus frigging Dumbledore for ten months. No other villain has done that. I think he’s extremely underrated, one of the cleverest antagonists in the books. Rakepick is, or was, one of the smartest and most ruthless characters in the HPHM story. I don’t think it’s giving undeserved credit to admit that Rakepick is a force to reckoned with. She broke MC’s wand before they could cast a single spell. She is, I do believe, the only character to canonically defeat them. And she wiped the floor with them. I don’t know what else to say. Liking villains doesn’t mean you would defend their choices or consider them good people. Barty Crouch Jr. used what I consider to be the most evil spell in the series to help torture the Longbottoms into insanity. Rakepick has used it more than once without a care in the world, including the unspeakable incident in the Portrait Vault. And that’s not even getting into what she did to Rowan. Do I hate these characters for what they’ve done? Of course. But do I still think they’re cool? You bet I do! And there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that.